#i think it could THEORETICALLY be fun. on a VERY SMALL SCALE. maybe.

[cerealmonster15]

I’m watching a vid on how people run twitch streams bc A. I am curious about The Magic and B. I love deluding myself

[thelunarfairy]

Hi there! This is probably a stupid question, but it's been bugging me for a while.

My question is about the very beginning of the series, when Hanako swallows the mermaid scale to make Yashiro (mostly human)

He explained to her before that the scales are called matchmaking scales because they not only link souls, but they share the curse together. And that she would still have some fish-like traits when splitting the curse between two people.

So here's my question: If Hanako is able to lessen the effects of the curse by swallowing the scale, does that mean he may also have fish-like traits too? I know this is never shown or mentioned, and the most likely answer is it had no effect on him because he's an apparition. But since swallowing the scale still linked their souls and lessened the effects on Yashiro, I can't help but feel that the curse must've become split between them so that Yashiro could become human, and Hanako has some traits from it that he doesn't show.

But what do you think? If this question/theory sounds stupid, plz ignore haha. I really enjoy your content and wanted your perspective on this, as you're great with deciphering all the mysteries of tbhk. So I dont want to waste your time. Either way, thanks for reading!!

Hello!!! ohh dear, it's not a stupid question, it's okay, your question is quite interesting and I thought a lot about this issue with Hanako, they share the mermaid curse, but why isn't Hanako directly affected like Nene?

I never talked about this on the blog because I had no clue initially how this would coherently connect with any deduction, but now we have a glimpse of what might be happening.

The mermaid is a very important factor here, besides her sealing their destinies, this connection between them allows Nene to see Amane's past and even future, in addition, the connection of fate must do something very important in both of their lives, it can completely change his destiny (as it did once).

This importance of the scale and the mermaid's connection suggests that it is extremely important to the overall story, so, considering this, how can Hanako lessen the effect of Nene's curse?

I've been wondering lately if the entity has any direct connection to the mermaid, because everything that involves the entity is related to water.

In the red house, you see those sacrificed souls on the other side of the window asking Mitsuba and Kou to escape, and we see air bubbles coming out of their mouths, suggesting that they were submerged in water.

Just like we saw a fish once when Kou was there with little Tsukasa.

The entity is also known as the "creature of the well", since it apparently lived there.

So, we have Amane with tentacles on his face, once again implying that it is an aquatic creature.

So, in short, there is a possibility of a connection between this entity and the mermaid. Maybe Hanako is already cursed because of the entity, but since the entity has the ability to change shape,

Hanako can probably hide it or deal with it better than Nene.

Inside Hanako we see tentacles, something theoretically harder to hide than Nene's scales.

In addition, Nene becomes a small fish, while Hanako is with the entity, a very powerful creature that could simply remove or camouflage the mermaid's curse easily, that is, if he is affected by it.

I still think about this "matchmaking scales" part. I have doubts if Hanako did it on his own or if it was something planned by him and Tsukasa to use Nene and make that wish come true.

I still wonder if he can really remember Nene from the past or not.

Anyway, little by little the connection with the mermaid is making sense.

Thank you!!!!!!!!!! Awww how sweet!!! you are so kind!!! you made me happy!!! It was fun talking about this, thanks for the question!!!

[exploringxshadows]

knockknockinginthedark​:

▪▪▪ Unsurprising that he’d end up gravitating towards a certain botanist.  It was good for him, in his opinion, to be in the company of someone  like Dr. Lunde. The botanist was a good, strong fatherly figure that served  as a perfect role model and a solid support for those who needed it. And boy, did Ickabod need all of those things.

          ▲”Right, it’d be very awkward to use. While I think you’d have  the element of surprise the first time, you don’t exactly have the best  track record for grace and balance, Ickabod.”▲ It was a little bit of a tease, a little bit of an objective fact. Ickabod practically stumbled or fell through life - trying to use a weapon that required any degree of grace was not going to end well in his favor. ▲”This is true. It’s not a  complete waste, and I’m sure you can refine the design to be more practical in time.”▲

Now that Ickabod’s project had been shown and critiqued, of course  that meant his student was going to turn his attention to what Barnaby was doing instead. He watched as he fidgeted with the things on his desk. Any other professor might have scolded him for toying with his belongings - but he knew telling him to stop fidgeting wasn’t going to achieve much.  He’d just find a new way to fiddle with things.

          ▲”This is for class, actually. I was setting up for a lecture on steam engines and the theoretical ways we could increase the efficiency and  safety of them. I made a few small scale models for everyone to test to  see how they work in action.”▲

Barnaby gestured to the small models he had put out on tables around the room. They were tiny little things, easily able to sit on desks, with  water reservoirs that would be heated with oil lamp burners. They would power simple pistons and wheels just to show the generation  of energy - nothing too fancy, in his opinion, but it got the point across.

          ▲“It’s not quite as exhilarating as some of my independent research,  but such is the case for most of the professors here.”▲

He pointedly eased some notes that he had left on his desk away from  Ickabod’s wandering hands, tucking them into the folder they belonged in to keep him from snooping - or, more importantly, smudging or damaging the pages. ▪▪▪

█ ▌Anyone who knew Ickabod could tell he tended to gravitate toward the older, more responsible gentlemen of science - and not for reasons of a romantic nature. Rather, Ickabod seemed to always be on the lookout for someone who could guide him, someone he could look up to. Growing up as an orphanage and working as a factory boy for most of his young life probably had something to do with that. But as funny and kind as Dr. Lunde was, Dr. Ashewright was always his favorite.

 �� ⚙ “Heh, I suppose you’re right. I may not have all the grace and poise in the world, but no one can be perfect, huh?” Ickabod chuckled and gave a playful wink. “Oooh, steam engines? I love a steam engine.”

Ickabod got close to the models and supplies on Barnaby’s desk, getting a closer look and squinting to inspect everything as he listened. He was always doing this, hanging around to get an extra chance to talk to Barnaby and learn more about his lectures before they even had class. He may have been a pest, but no one could say he wasn’t a good student. Perhaps not the best behaved student, but his good marks made up for that...sometimes.

  ⚙ “Independent research?” Ickabod suddenly seemed to perk up, looking more interested. “What independent research? Are you working on anything right now? Heh, you know, I was just thinking it might be fun to get some hands-on experience in the engineering field eventually, you know? Maybe as an assistant? An errand boy? A test subject? Last week, I spoke to Miss O’Toole -- she was helping re-attach my prosthetic when I took a tumble out of the rafters, don’t ask -- and she had a couple of assistant surgeons following her around for training. Mind you, I imagine engineering is a little different, but still...”

He had a big, stupid grin on his face. It was obvious what he was hinting at, but whether or not Barnaby was looking for an assistant was another thing. At the very least, Ickabod was planting a little seed of suggestion.

@exploringxshadows wants to head to university.

▪▪▪ It was a dark, gloomy morning in England. The blanket of storm clouds overhead blotted out the sun, swollen past the point of bursting. Rain tapped on windows and across cobblestones, leaving murky puddles in their wake. The soft breeze that weaved through winding streets left a chill in the air, a damp cold that could soak down to your very bones.

The sprawling university grounds, normally bustling with faculty and students alike, was notably quiet this morning. Everyone had retreated into the depths of the old buildings to seek reprieve from the weather, leaving only the poor souls that tended to the grounds and other menial work to face the elements.

The gas lamps hissed faintly, bathing halls and classrooms in golden light, chasing off the sleepy gloom that would've otherwise settled into every nook and cranny of the massive buildings. It was still early, certain professors setting up their classrooms and presentations for the day while others were already greeting their classes and starting their lectures.

Barnaby Ashewright was one of the professors who still had an hour's time before his students would start funneling in. The machinery for his class had already been set up, small models of engines that could be scaled up eventually for use in factories - now it was simply a matter of making sure he had everything written up on the stretch of chalkboard at the front of the class, and all of his supplies for the students were on hand.

Many of the professors at the university were focused on the sciences - all matter of new and fascinating subjects that were once only pipe dreams to humanity. Medicine, chemistry, what could be done with plants, fringe subjects that most scientists dared to brave. If you could think it, someone likely taught it - or pursued it outside of class hours. While he was not among those who pursued the more medically-inclined positions, he was still a scientist. And an engineer.

His study was machines, the future of industry and what machine meant for man. Whether it was mechanical beasts of burden, less dangerous machines that worked just as if not more efficiently, prosthetics that could replicate a living appendage - and his class was to encourage others to pursue that same lens and want to improve the world.

In the room with rich wooden paneling and marble tiling floors, he stood out as he stood by the chalk board. A man in his mid forties with tanned skin and a fiery head of hair with a matching beard and mustache, dressed in a suit of blue and cream. He leaned on a cane, nursing his bad leg as gloved fingers drew diagrams and notes. He hummed a simple tune under his breath as he adjusted his glasses and shuffled, too preoccupied with his work to notice if anyone stopped by the open door of his classroom. ▪▪▪

[dahniwitchoflight]

Airy Thoughts about Heirs and Gender

That kind of always has been John’s modus operandi when it comes to dealing with problems though hasn’t it?

Eveen waaaaay back in the beginning when John totally pushed it out of his mind that his dad was actually just a normal business man and not obsessed with clowns, that it was actually John who was obsessed with clowns, and jokes and pranking, thats always been how he deals with stuff he doesn’t like

Ignore it, make it not real, don’t acknowledge it, compartmentalize it, heck, joke about it, do pranks, make it silly, make it lighter, try to lessen the seriousness of it all

John has ZERO skill when it comes to actually dealing with perceived negativity in any sense, always been very reliant on basically his Aspect’s traits to solve problems for him

and now its becomes so bad, thats hes on the edge of having a full blown dissociation disorder about it

(I wonder actually if being too reliant on what’s been given to you on your plate already is a trait overall for Heirs or Those Who Inherit? It fits well with my previous idea of Heirs notable for being stuck in ruts, but it seems the true train of thought here, is that Heirs basically are caught in a pre-determined state, the lines have been drawn around them, their plates have been served, and they have to deal with what’s given to them, and as a result, have ZERO ability to handle situations that their pre-equipped toolset cannot deal with)

definitely an area where Heirs are prone to overembracing, when they become so, reliant on their pre-existing toolset, that they become unable to change things ups, see things differently, handle different problems

There’s an element of priveledged behavior here that clearer to me now, people who Inherit their wealth have no idea what it’s like to work for it or earn it themselves

and now isn’t THAT a connection to Maid and Heir?

this is where you could spin Heir as someone who starts out having no idea how to create something new and having to forcibly learn that

I could see someone creating a Maid/Heir argument for this

but then the problems arise of “how is that different from the Maid’s arc of also having to learn to take what was given them and start making anew what they want”

and the biggest hurdle to Creation Heir: Heir is not a feminine associated class

and the reason this matters, is if creation doesn’t have to be feminine associated, then masculinity gets the lion’s share of creation and destruction in Homestuck overall, and that feels like favoring masculinity too much, especially with how much Creation and Destruction as concepts are overvalued over the other aspects by far, it’s tilting it too far in one direction, when these Red and Green concept should spiral Equal (theoretically)

its out of step with how Creation and Destruction have been shown to be thus far

BUT

All of this was how things went down for me, back before June Egbert became a thing

So, in reading this, and with having the knowledge June might actually be a girl (maybe, Hussie said so, but thus far have yet to see anything from John in canon)

is that enough to make “Heir” feminine associated overall? moreso than other feminine associated classes like Maid/Sylph/Witch? Enough to be a strong enough pair to the Maid over Sylph? Two words that can literally mean “Girl”

Equius and Mituna still exist, what does that say about them? Is the background joke of Equius in a Maid outfit starting to actually become relevant?

who knows, but, It’s bringing up interesting questions I think, for me at least

John is the Main of Main Characters, versus Equius being background and Void aspected and Mituna being essentially non-existant, is that enough to balance out importance wise of who really gets to define what being an Heir means?

is it distateful to call being Spoiled an essentially feminine associated trait, if it’s balanced out by Maids being hardworking (or Servile..?) as opposed to a royally spoiled Prince and silly clown Bard?

better question, are these questions about gender things that Hussie never actually thought that deep enough about, so theres threads of things that could work, but end up falling apart in practice, revealing biases unfortunately baked into the system itself

cuz its like this: if Sylph/Maid is the females creation classes, its making sure girls vs boys in the grand scheme of things is equal, but that’s kind of going with the quid pro quo of masculine destruction/female creation thats baked into homestuck from the start, which is likely just the result in the authors inherent bias. Is that a net good? or a net bad? kind of unsure

if creation doesn’t have to be female, the idea that we should just be able to do away with the idea of gendered classes entirely is a thing, which is good in its own context, unfortunately leaves things with a different unfortunate gendered bias, where masculinity gets all the good shit and importance and feminine associations get sidelined and its unequal again, is this a better or worse way of seeing things? if male just happens to get the lions share of cool stuff, does it mean we can ignore gendered classes altogether, or is that exacerbating the problem with gendered classes to begin with

if a class that so far, hasnt had any traits associated with either masculinity or femininity (kind of a lie with Heirs being unusually good at the “mangrit” stat) gets strongly associated with femininity via one main character, is that enough to tip the scales and make things balanced again?

(is the above perhaps just a beautiful metaphor for the question of said characters eventual transition?)

(yknow, if that actually happens in canon, and gets explored by John/June at some point, and doesnt just die as an author word of god background fun fact..)

basically, Ive been wondering exactly how much the who gendered association of classes in homestuck should matter, but more importantly, how much it’s already affecting

would it be a good step to make Heir/Maid a creation pair? or is that just making a small problem bigger

tl;dr basically if Hussie makes it clear in canon that June Egbert has been a girl/dealing with a gender struggle all along in the way that they always have done by trying to downplay/ignore/compartmentalize it then yeah, Heir Maid gets a lot stronger legs to me, purely for the character symbolism of it all and the great message that would say about the gender construct of homestuck overall

but

if John Egbert remains the status quo, if Hussie never actually intended John to transition, if it never gets brought up in any way other than the authors saying out of the workd “I said so” Heir Maid as creation just doesn’t work without that Transition metaphor, so it fallbacks to the traditionally neutral Sylph/Maid as creation oriented

though, there’s also the fun question of what if through change of the characters themselves, their classes change with them? So through the power of Main Character June changes the associated traits Heir has overall OR stops being an Heir and gets a different class, both would be equally cool transition metaphors (which ironically would just reinforce Heir as a class of Change/Transmutation overall but lol)

[gogo-karasuno]

Can i request first time headcanons with Bokuto, Ushijima & Iwaizumi

Thank you so much for the request! I was a little worried starting out but overall I really loved writing these. There’s so many fun ideas to kick around.

Bokuto

- His confidence is pretty infectious and kind of puts you at ease. Because no matter how big of a step this is your boyfriend is still going to be himself.

- That being said you’ve gotta slow him down sometimes. Boy’s just getting so eager you’ve got to help him scale it back. Otherwise it might be over before it starts.

- Lots and lots of intense making out with wandering hands. He’s just got hands all over you. Do the same for him. (Try to) get your hands in his hair or cup his face. Get cheeky and grab a handful of his ass. Totally worth it. 

- Even he's not immune to nerves though.If he looks like he’s really starting to panic then praise him. Something simple to get his mind back into the moment. Tell him how much you love kissing him. Or how great his hands feel on you.

- If there’s a mistake, and there will be, he’ll laugh them off. You’re too short to get his shirt over his head? He bumped his nose against yours while trying to kiss you? Someone’s hair got unintentionally pulled? Be prepared to laugh it off because that’s who he is. Honestly, it should help put you more at ease.

- No matter how many times you back off when things get too close, the main event is still short. Once he’s inside of you things only really make it a couple of minutes. The feeling of you, holding you, everything is just too much.

- However, don’t worry! Show him what you like and he’ll help finish you off. He got to feeling amazing and so should you! 

- There’s definitely some post-coital cuddling going down. He also may just possibly fall asleep with you trapped with him. You smell so good and feel so good against him. Everything is just warm and perfect.

-

-

Wakatoshi

- He is so tense before anything even happens. Your clothes are still on, you’ve barely started kissing, and he’s just Tense. Spend a lot of time just kissing so this boy manages to relax.

- You’re going to have to guide his hands a little in the beginning. Like, he theoretically knows where he can touch but you have to place his hands for him. A sort of, “This is really okay.”

- Please make him talk. Seriously. Reading facial expressions is fun and all...but get him to use his words. This is a two person experience and it is more than encouraged for him to share.

- He’s fine when he’s half naked more or less. There might be some very light blushing but you don’t see it. On the other hand, he’s totally cherry red when he sees you because wow. This is happening.

- Wakatoshi totally did some research, actual science research instead of porn, about sex...so sometimes he’s words are clinical sounding. He doesn’t start sharing his research until he’s more relaxed so don’t laugh when you hear “sexual intercourse” slip in. I promise, you’re going to have to work really hard. So, try to teach him the more common terms.

- Expect lots of prep because he is so worried about hurting you. He wants to make certain this is super comfortable for you. So, lots and lots of build up and definitely lube. He makes the cutest faces when you touch his dick. Give him a few strokes to savor that expression.

- When time comes you’ll be on top so you can control the pace. There is a lot of him no matter how you measure him. He just wants to make sure you are 100% comfortable. It’s honestly really sweet at how much he cares even when blissed out with pleasure. A great idea would be have him help you (either touching you or helping you move so you can touch yourself) so you can finish at close to the same time.

- Totally helps you clean up then you have to cuddle. Well, it’s more like he really wants you to lay mostly on top of him with your head on his chest. He traces your features, plays with your hair, runs a hand down down your spine, and just wants to enjoy this wonderful feeling and silence with you.

-

-

Iwaizumi

- Iwa’s really confident in the beginning. Each kiss helps to lead into more and more of a frenzy. His hands are in your hair or trailing down your sides or pulling your closer to him. He just can’t get enough of you. Return the favor because there’s so much there to touch.

- Things start to stutter a little once you are mostly naked because “Wow, this is really happening.” Stopping to check in then falling back into the feeling helps a lot. Don’t let him get too wrapped up in thinking because boy is he thinking.

- He actually brings up the suggestion of you two watching one another masturbate for a little bit. It gives you both the chance to observe what the other enjoys. There’s some nerves at first but believe me, that it will be totally worth it. It helps remove a lot of the embarrassment at seeing each other in the moment.

- When you move on to touching one another the next suggestion is to guide one another’s hands for a bit. This way you have seen what one another enjoys and felt how one another moves. Both of you stay engaged in the moment with some idea of what’s actually going on.

- He’s not a small guy so there is going to be so much work on getting you ready for what is to come. Honestly, he’s probably going to aim to get you off at least once. Being boneless with bliss for a few can only help you relax. Also expect more than enough lube to be going into this. Like, he’s making sure there’s no chance of getting hurt.

- You will be on top to give you all the control in the beginning. When things settle into a pace expect him to take over in some form of fashion. You could end up under him clinging to his shoulders with your face burrowed into his neck. Or, maybe his hands are gripping your hips so you can look down at the muscles in his arms work. 

- Clean up was actually planned for so you don’t really have to move much afterward. Just settle into his arms and maybe catch a cat nap. He’s like cuddling a furnace so you don’t even have to worry about getting chilly if you don’t dress. Or, grab his shirt and wear it. He’ll love it.

- At some point, he actually does want to touch base about what you both liked and didn’t like. Because, hey, you’re only going to get better with practice. So, why not have a good game plan for improving?

[besttablaplayerinindia]

On the Web Music Theory Lessons - You Can Learn in a Much More Fun and Interactive Way

Let us not beat around the bush in regards to taking best tabla player in india, it isn't always easy to find the correct teacher for your requirements, nor can it be easy to get a teacher whose program can accommodate yours, or viceversa. Often, students will miss too many courses, the majority of times for valid reasons. If you reside in a small town, the degree of expertise of private teachers might not satisfy your demands, or suit your learning style. Teacher - student relationships are based on a beneficial learning experience. Many people have wasted time attempting to study on books independently. This"experience" most usually ends up being very bothersome as the learners hardly ever really reach the level they wish to achieve.

Attempting to study musical theory from your self is like trying to invent a new math; you simply require the assistance of a teacher to describe theories. Certainly, the hunt is bothersome and also you can easily give up in your goal to learn music theory. Don't give up! In the event that you recognized yourself at one of the above mentioned scenarios, (which you probably did in the event that you're taking to this time to read this article), there is a remedy. (Yes, now's the time when you can begin feeling relief about not having to give your goal). That remedy is on the web lessons. A hunt on the internet using simple key terms in Google will immediately reveal the vast amount of advice and courses available. Quite impressively, the key words"online music lessons" provide 1 140 000 search results in 0.30 seconds!

Is it really that good? Some popular subjects found in online lessons include how to learn the guitar, guitar moves for beginners and how to play the keyboard. You can also find on the web instructions on a variety of different instruments, like woodwinds and brass. However, on the web lessons are far from offering tutorials on tool playing with only. Theory lessons teach crucial theoretical concepts in depth which every great artist should understand and know.

You can literally find lessons on any part of music theory. Newer learners can study basic concepts like note pruning, easy rhythms, ear training, scales, chords and intervals. If you're at a higher level, you'll find courses on more advanced concepts such as complex and syncopated rhythms, 1-2 tone and modal scales, as an instance, the traditional pentatonic scale often within Claude Debussy's music. Other notions include different caliber of chords, transposition and chemical time signatures to list a couple different advantages.

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For a lot of youngsters, the fact of accomplishing interactive theory on the web will likely soon be sufficient to motivate them to help expand their own musical interest. Moreover, it instructs the young learner to be independent and participate in their or her own education, hence understanding how to be considered a self-taught student, an art that is likely to be most useful in every area of life. In addition to that, he or she will be learning and improving on computer and Internet skills.

Most sites provide premium quality lessons at an extremely reasonable price. You may even get video lessons, and take quizzes and tests. You get the outcome at the click of a mouse. The accessibility to a teacher can be available nearly 24 hours each day on a number of the websites. In case you compare price versus quality and availability of the instructor, you can certainly figure out that it may be well worth it. In actuality, having a teacher available for you anywhere and at anytime... is priceless! The importance of the theory itself Exactly why is music theory so essential? It is imperative to your general musicianship and of one's understanding of music irrespective of the instrument you are playing with. Consider your self playing street hockey and being the ideal goalscorer on your team.

So, you try the local team at the arena... simply you can't skate. See where this is going? The same is true for your own musician. You can learn to play an instrument quite well, but provided that you don't understand and appreciate the theory behind it, your music-playing will probably never really get any sense. You could be tempted to think differently, however you'll even realise how wrong you're for thinking so once you"see the light" supporting the theory of this music. Quite a few things can be accomplished by analyzing and understanding music theory. As an example, understanding recurrent chord progressions where you will get familiar will help you in memorizing a song, or in understanding"at which in fact the music is going". You will acquire a better understanding of their interpretation, as well as a thorough understanding of scales and key specifications.

This facet is crucial for every aspect of music and cannot be stressed enough! It's the foundation of western music. Recognizing time signatures in order to help you determine where in fact the powerful overcome ought to be executed is also essential. Mentioned above are a few essential concepts, however the more you study, the more you will detect and be more cautious! Yes, but... Things are just not the same in a traditional setting, with the one hour per week, where you want to follow along with everyone else's pace (frustrating if they are slower OR faster). In either scenario, you are not getting the money's worthit.

The teacher is available for your requirements (also to most of the additional students) just 1 hour each week. Perhaps you'll feel shy to ask the teacher for clarification infront of dozens of youthful minds... However, using an online setting, there would be no need to feel misplaced about requesting a"dumb" question. (even though, we all understand such questions do not exist, right?) 1 obstacle Don't panic! The single requirement to online lessons would be also, well, to gain use of the Internet. But I am presuming that if you are reading through this at the moment, chances are this aspect is already looked after. Therefore, this internet site you're on today maybe the clear answer. Best of luck with your internet studies! Oh, something else, will love learning the pentatonic scale.

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

Same Time, Same Place || Mina and Kaden

TIMING: Current LOCATION: The woods PARTIES: @drowningisinevitable​ and @chasseurdeloup​ SUMMARY: You can’t hunt here, I hunt here.

The one constant in Kaden’s life was hunting. It was his childhood, it was what he had when he lost his family, and it was what had carried him through life. It was the one thing he could always come back to when nothing made sense. That seemed to be less and less his current truth. Hunting had gotten confusing. His black and white rules no longer felt so clear. It was like someone had spilled something on his hunter’s code, his father’s journals and texts, and the writing was bleeding into one another, making it illegible and fuzzy, crisp black text turning to grey. Maybe if he returned to the familiar, he could find his balance again. He had to go back to training, make sure he knew what his reflexes were meant to do, keep them in check while everything else about his legacy fell apart around him.

Kaden picked through the woods to the clearing he’d taken Blanche to a few times now. It was the best for firearm and ranged weapons practice, no doubt. He heard something before he saw it. Kaden pulled out his pistol from his holster as he carefully stepped through the trees to the more open space in the middle of the woods. He kept the gun ready as he peaked through, trying to see what was causing the sound. No mistaking, there was another human there, smaller, female if he had to guess. Was it… “Pipsqueak?” he called out. Maybe Blanche had come here without him. But as soon as he had her attention and got a better look at her, it was clear he was wrong. “Sorry, not who I-- Didn’t expect to see anyone out here.” He kept the gun lowered, but he didn’t put it away just yet. “What are you doing out here?”

Growing up, Mina had always fought so desperately to be human, to be a hunter. All she ever wanted was to shed her scales forever, to never go in the water again, if it meant that she wouldn’t be a monster. Because her father’s teachings were clear: humans mattered, and monsters did not, and anyone that wasn’t human was a monster. He taught her about hunting for people and for prize (prize, in his eyes, always meaning a little more than the people), and she always believed that she’d grow into the desire to hunt. Her father’s genes, his human genes, would win out in that aspect, and she’d be useful, not a monster. Well, after being in White Crest for almost a year, she was beginning to see that she was a pitiful excuse for a hunter, and she’d never be human. There was a small but steadily growing part of her that wondered if that was such a bad thing. That part of her made Mina a terrible hunter’s daughter.

It wasn’t like it mattered much, anyway, Mina thought bitterly, if the promise killed her. She had no intention of fulfilling it. At this point, days were about going through motions, waiting with baited breath to see what would happen. She was consumed with nervous energy, but, instead of going to the lake, she’d decided to go to a small clearing where she’d taken to throwing knives. The steady thunk thunk thunk of blades hitting tree trunks was soothing. She hadn’t even been paying attention to any incoming sounds until the man was right upon her. Mina’s heart stuttered a bit in her chest, and she clenched one of the knives she was holding. “Not, ah, a pipsqueak, I don’t think. I’m averagely tall. At least I assume.” She tucked a bit of hair behind her ear and rocked on her heels. “I’m, well, throwing knives?” She looked at the knife in her hand; yes, that’s exactly what she’d been doing. “I was, I mean, I can... what are you doing out here?”

“Yeah, I know. I thought you were someone else.” Kaden wasn’t sure if he’d almost hoped that it was Blanche out there, doing target practice. Maybe he wanted a moment to redeem himself. Or maybe he wanted to continue to pretend to be normal, wasn’t sure. Didn’t matter, wasn’t her either way. He decided to just sheath his gun at this point, the girl there looked like she wasn’t a monster waiting to attack him. Plus, he was pretty sure he could take her if she tried. “I can see that. Why are you throwing knives?” He tried to take a peek around her to see how many were poking out of the tree. It was a decent amount, most stuck. And they seemed to be embedded in the trunk pretty deep, too. If he had to guess… “I came out here for target practice. Looks like you beat me to it.” He sighed. Of course. He couldn’t even get training right. “You plan on being here much longer?” He considered asking if the was a hunter but maybe he’d wait and see. For once, he’d like to be the one not showing his entire hand. Granted, the arsenal strapped to his back might have done that for him already.

As the man holstered his gun, Mina let her knife hang loosely in her hand. “Sorry,” she said, softly. “That I’m not who you were expecting.” She hadn’t realized this clearing was so popular. It was almost always empty when she came around, though that had become a bit sporadic over the last few months. Perhaps, if she came more often, she’d encounter more people, since this guy apparently had a friend that came sometimes, too. Perhaps… it was better that she didn’t come so often. “Funny, that. Target practice. I thought it’d be relaxing for a bit.” Which it had been, for a bit. Though, eventually, going through the motions of throwing a pointy object at a tree left a lot of time for thinking, and thinking, and thinking far too much. Mina cocked her head to the side for a bit, taking in the man, his equipment. “I could let you have a go, if you’d like. Ah, leave, even.” She was focused on his gun. The words fell out of her mouth before she could really stop them. “Use that often? The gun?”

“Don’t be,” Kaden told her. “It’s probably for the best that she wasn’t out here trying to be a badass in a sling.” If he was going to teach Blanche anything, he was pretty sure he should start with cooking and save the one handed shooting for later. If ever. Still, strange how she’d found the same spot he had. It was a big forest after all. Maybe he’d been away trying to be normal for too long, he’d lost the claim to his training spot. Served him right. “Relaxing, huh? So you just throw those for fun? That it?” It was a bit of a challenge, though not meant to be too harsh. He wanted to nudge her in the right direction, if she was a hunter, that was. Guess he’d wait and see. “You were here first. I can wait. Or something,” he said with a shrug. It was possible there was somewhere nicer, even. Better. But wandering around looking for it seemed fucking annoying. His brow raised at her question and he leaned against one of the trees nearby in the meantime. “Sure do,” he said with a wry smile. He looked down to pull it out, show her if she was curious. Is it too late to fake my death and skip town? His brow furrowed as his hand hovered over his weapon. “Fake your death and skip town? Over what? This? Sounds a little dramatic.”

“A badass in a sling?” Mina asked, just a bit confused. “Does your friend often do target practice injured?” That sounded a bit familiar, training even when you probably shouldn’t because of an injury. Long nights soaking in whatever lake or stream or river she called home to take out some of the aches of overused muscles, to mend broken bones. She wondered about this man, his friend. Perhaps they were among the many hunters around here. Perhaps they were people like Morgan who just wanted to protect themselves. “It’s very fun,” Mina said lightly, expertly throwing the knife up and catching it. She felt comfortable calling herself that, an expert. She had a good aim, and her dad made sure she could fight with a blade, even if she didn’t want to. She looked closely at the man, making a note of his confidence. He definitely seemed like a hunter. “My dad likes handguns. He has a Glock.” At his question, she furrowed her own brow, expression mirroring his a bit. “What? I didn’t, ah, I have no intentions to skip town? Or fake my death, for the matter. That seems a bit silly.”

“She does a lot of stupid shit while injured. So yeah, target practice was on the list.” Kaden shook his head. It was probably for the best that Blanche wasn’t a hunter, she’d run into even more danger faster. And the enhanced healing would just mean she’d do it all over again sooner. Sure, that’s what he did, but he was trained for this shit. Theoretically. As much as he loathed his mother’s ghost, she had a point back then, his training was slipping, falling by the wayside. This wasn’t helping much. Kaden left his gun where it was and crossed his arms in front of his chest instead. “You definitely look like you know what you're doing. You learn that from your dad? Or is he a guns only kind of guy?” He was so close to asking outright, perhaps she was, too. The song and dance was necessary, though, kept him safe. Just in case the answer wasn’t what he expected. “Okay, guess that’s good. But why did you say it, then?” Was he going crazy? She had said that, right? He definitely heard it and it didn't sound like his thoughts. It had to be her speaking. Maybe she had said it softly, didn’t think he could hear her. If that was the case, maybe she wasn't a hunter. At least not a beast hunter.

This man’s friend definitely sounded like a hunter. Doing stupid things while injured was a staple for every single one Mina had ever met, especially younger ones. Though, hunters didn’t live to be that old. “I’m glad she’s not doing this stupid thing, then,” she said. She messed with the knife, no longer as a way to show off but just because it was something in her hands, something to do. “He likes knives, too. Anything, really. He’s big into all kinds of weaponry. What about you? That’s quite an arsenal you have.” They’re beating around the bush in a way that seemed a bit silly, but it was best to be cautious in these things. At least this was close to getting an outright answer. There were quite a few people in town that Mina simply had assumptions about, not actual answers. “I… didn’t say anything. Not about faking deaths and running away, at least. You brought that up first.” Then, she started to second guess herself. Did she? Did he? “Right? I don’t think I did?”

“Does he?” Kaden said. He had come out there with a few guns, the crossbow, and he always had a good number of knives on him. “He sounds like someone who enjoys a good hunt.” Alright, it wasn’t subtle. But they were reaching a point where someone had to toe the line a little more, see how it landed. “Oh, these?” he said, looking back at the weapons he’d carried with him out to the woods. “Small portion of the collection. Couldn’t decide what I wanted to work on, so I brought a variety.” He reached back and pulled the crossbow of his back and stared fiddling with it. It really had been too long since he held a weapon, since he’d trained and perfected his craft. If only he could get to doing just that. “You have any experience with one of these?” he asked, holding out the weapon. “Or are you one to stick with knives?” He wasn’t sure what he could suss out from comparing weapon choices, but it was a place to start, see how trained she was perhaps. “Are you sure?” His brow furrowed at her response. “I could have sworn…” Could not hunting make him crazy? Maybe it was the nightmares he was having recently messing with his mind. Fucking teenagers. “Okay, this time I definitely heard you say something about teeangers.” Only this time he had been looking right at her and her lips never moved. Was he reading her thoughts or something? What the fuck was this?

“He’s an avid hunter,” Mina said, relaxing a bit more. There. It was good to get that out in the open, or as open as they were allowing it without actually saying I hunt supernatural creatures for a living. Not that Mina did. She had no idea about this man, his lifestyle, especially when he carried a small armory on his back. “It’s a nice collection. Plenty of options to choose from.” For all she knew, he might turn on her as quickly as Montgomery had when they first met. “I can shoot it,” she said easily, looking the crossbow over. “I do better with close combat. Ah, defensive styles, though I do pretty well with blades.” Luring Fae in required her to get close to them. The idea had always been for her to provide them a false sense of security and a knife in the back. However, she’d never-- would never-- quite gotten around to the killing part. “I promise I didn’t say anything to you about faking my death just now,” Mina said, dropping the word and waiting for it to sink in her stomach if she was lying. Nothing. She definitely didn’t say anything about it. “Or anything about teenagers? I… am afraid I don’t know where teenagers would come up in the conversation?” This man was perplexing. Was this some new hunting tactic? Was he actually a hunter? But he seemed to think she was a hunter. She tapped her finger on her knife blade, feeling a bit anxious. Something was off about this.

“Nice. I am, too.” Was he? Avid, that was? Putain, he was. Kaden still was an avid hunter. Most of the time. He missed two fucking full moons, was that fucking avid? He didn’t know anymore. “Thanks,” he said as he let the crossbow rest at his side. “I tend to go for silver weapons. You know, they have a nice advantage. Either you or your dad have any preference?” Too on the nose? Possibly. But it seemed like an easy way to sort out what kind of hunting she did, learn where the cards fell. “I’m alright with close combat if I’ve got a good knife but ranged is easier when hunting we--” Kaden caught himself. “Things. You know. Anyway, your dad live in town, too?” For all he knew, they were already well acquainted, maybe went on a few hunts together. Though it depended on what kind of hunter he was. And he had a guess as to what kind after what she said next. He froze, eyes going wide at her use of the word “promise.” He nearly dropped the damn crossbow. “You…” he started, tentatively. It felt like a dangerous word to say after everything. And he felt safer knowing that he couldn’t say it to Regan but that didn’t keep him from using it now. “You should probably be careful with words, you know. But uh, good to know you didn’t, uh…” He wasn’t sure what was happening anymore. So much for coming out here to try and relieve some of his confusion. “Sorry, think I must be hearing things. You haven’t, right? Heard anything? Weird?”

Taking in this man, his stance, his equipment, yes, Mina could believe that he, too, was an avid hunter. She nodded. “My dad likes silver weapons. They’re his favorite. That’s what I use, mostly. Kind of flashy, but they do their job.” Easier to practice with, too, without risk of iron burns. She hadn’t used a knife in an actual hunt in… a very, very long time. “I work a bit with iron, too, though,” she added, as much as it pained her. Better to be truthful with this man, this hunter. If he was an actual beast hunter, he’d pick up pretty quick that she wasn’t one. “Ranged is certainly better when hunting… animals,” Mina said. “My dad’s working, travelling, actually. I’m here for college.” And to hunt, which she was doing a piss poor job of. “He’ll, ah, be in town soon, though.” The man’s reaction to the word “promise” was interesting. Usually, it was wardens that were mostly concerned about promises. Unless, perhaps, this werewolf hunter had some negative experiences with Fae. In which case… it would most likely be best if Mina didn’t let him know what she was. Most hunters had prejudices against all supernaturals, anyway. It wouldn’t be surprising to add one more to the list. “Don’t worry, I’m quite careful with my words. I wouldn’t have said it if I wasn’t sure.” That lie brought a wave of nausea to her stomach, but she did her best not to let it show. It was a good day, at least, for all that her night had been filled with thoughts of blood and death and horrible, undead beasts. No nose bleeds, no outbreaks of scales or claws when she didn’t want them. His question was strange, though. “Heard… what kinds of weird things?”

Kaden’s shoulders dropped and he relaxed to hear that both her and her father were just beast hunters. Good. There was no danger of her going after anyone he car-- The tension in his muscles instantly returned and he stood up straight, no longer leaning on the tree. “Iron?” He asked, trying to wipe any look of pure panic off his face. “I mean, iron. Yeah. Not really my thing. Uh, good for you, though.” That was normal, right? Shit, he was pretty sure this kid couldn’t take down Regan. Right? His eyes drifted back to the knives stuck out of the tree across the way. Putain. He snapped back to look at her when she mentioned her dad would be in town soon. “Is that so?” Shit. He could just as easily be a warden as a beast hunter given that specialties were usually genetic. Maybe they were like Walker and unspecialized. Meaning they were an equal threat to people he cared about. Shit. “You’re pretty confident that I wouldn’t bind you with words, then. Seems a little brazen. But hey, that’s your issue not mine.” Maybe he was overreacting. No way a warden would throw around the word “promise,” right? And she really hadn’t heard anything weird, had she? Fuck, maybe he was just going crazy after all. “Uh, it’s hard to explain. I think it might be in my head. But I was sort of thinking it might just be a whisper. A shocking amount of thoughts about dead bodies.” It was entirely possible he just spent too much time around Regan. But sharing thoughts was a little fucking much.

Mina watched the other hunter, perplexed at his reaction. He seemed to revolve between being relaxed and tense without warning. “Iron, yes. Though, I’m not, I mean, I’m not good. With iron. Or being, you know, in general.” He could probably see right through her. She felt a bit less confident than she had before, looking at the knives sticking out of the tree. Mina always felt less confident around real hunters, seasoned hunters, ones like this one that looked and walked and breathed like hunters. Somehow, she just knew that they could tell she was a fraud. “Yes, though I don’t know when he’s coming in. I’d like to see him,” she said, though it would kill her. Every passing day without him here increased her anxiety. He’d told Q that he’d be in White Crest soon, but “soon” was such an arbitrary word. Soon could be months from now. Soon could be tomorrow. She had no way to tell. “A human cannot promise bind another,” she said carefully, scrutinizing him. What did this man know of promise binds? “And I was careful with my words. I did not, in that moment, tell you that I intended to fake my death. Making such a promise wouldn’t hurt because it was true, and it was only for the moment. Promises are only as dangerous as their wording makes them.” This man was baffling. “You’re hearing things in your head? About dead bodies? Do… do the voices… want you to create more dead bodies, or do they just talk about dead bodies?” Perhaps not, since the voices had told him they were considering faking their own death, but, still. A homicidal hunter was not someone Mina wanted to be around if he snapped.

Was she saying she was a bad warden? Is that why she was bad with iron? Kaden was certainly more confused than he had been a moment ago but he definitely wasn’t more relaxed. A bad warden was still a warden all the same. “Well if he comes into town, make sure you tell him about the Silver Bullet. I’ll buy him a drink if I see him. What’s his name, if you don’t mind me asking?” Oh, right. Guess they didn’t know each other’s names either. Huh. Either way, getting a drink with a warden while dating a fae sounded like the worst fucking idea he’d had in a long damn time. Then again, friends close, enemies closer, all that. “Guess you must be really positive I’m human, then.” Which meant either she was a warden who could sense fae. Or… No. There was no way she could be fae. That woudln’t make any fucking sense, not after the whole conversation they’d had. She had to be a warden. “I mean, I am. Still, have to be careful with it. It’s pretty easy to twist words, even if the words hold true in your mind.” Though surely that wasn’t something he needed to explain to any warden. “Uh, yeah I am-- I mean no! No they’re not telling me anything just, uh…” Kaden reached up to rub the back of his neck as he trailed off. Fuck, he didn’t know how to explain this. And then, with no fucking warning, his hand moved in a punching motion. A weird one he’d never done before. He was decent at a bar brawl but this was martial arts shit that he definitely did not know. “What the fuck?” Kaden shook it out and tried to make it look natural or intended. Something other than what it was which was a punch he hadn’t controlled. “Uh, there was, ah, uh bee. Hate them. Sorry. I, uh, yeah. You want to stay? I can come back later. Unless you want to spot each other or something. I’m good either way.” Putain, he should probably leave while he was being this fucking weird. But it felt wrong not to offer help to another hunter. Even if she was potentially a warden.

“I’ll be sure to tell him should it come up,” Mina said, though she left out that the likelihood of her and her dad having that conversation was pretty slim. “Ah, his name is Eric. Eric Fitzroy. My name is Mina.” She felt a bit awkward, realizing how long they’d been talking without even getting to some sort of introduction. However, this whole encounter had been a bit awkward and strange, even by White Crest standards. Though, at least there were no monsters lurking about, waiting to attack. Perhaps that would make things less awkward. “If you’re not human, then you do a very good job at playing hunter. Crossbow? Gun? The Silver Bullet?” She wasn’t allowed there, though she knew about it, too scared for someone to get the wrong impression of her and too unnerved by the way some hunters bragged about their trophies to even want to know. “It’s very important to be careful, yes. But I grew up learning to be very careful with my words. I can safely say that I try not to make promises without meaning them.” Of course, it was for the benefit of those around her, not herself. She nodded her head as he talked about the voices, though she had absolutely no idea what he meant. When he began punching at the air despite the fact that he claimed his voices were nonviolent, Mina began to nod a bit more emphatically. “RIght! Of course! A bee!” She looked down at her bag and gave a small sigh. “Truthfully? I wasn’t getting much accomplished. I haven’t been training much, these days, and this was hardly anything strenuous. I might just pack up for the night and head home.”

“Good. Nice to meet you. Kaden, by the way.” He made a serious mental note to ask around the Bullet about Fitzroys, see what kind of hunters they were. As much as she had indicated warden, he couldn’t be completely sure. And if there was a threat to Regan, well, he hated that he’d have to try and shepherd them away from her but apparently that was the case. She’d never know what to look for and even if she did, he doubt she’d be prepared to deal with things in the way they had to be. “Yeah, yeah, I gave it away. Figured it was safe enough to. You know, unless you’re just as good at playing hunter.” He nodded at her response, continuing to try and act like the whole weird shit with his hand was completely intentional. Clearly it wasn’t working too well. “Alright, that works for me. Whatever you want. But if ever want some tips or something, let me know. Backup too, if you need it. I’m always up for helping another hunter.” Not that he’d given her a whole lot of reason to trust him just now, but the offer stood all the same.

[damienthepious]

okay so this went up at 11:51pm on ao3 but tumblr formatting is a nightmare so uh. happy LKT to timezones that are are still in Tuesday Time? whatever, I made it, somehow. it’s fine it’s fine it’s fine.

Scattered On My Shore (Chapter 15)

[Ch 1] [Ch 2] [Ch 3] [Ch 4] [Ch 5] [Ch 6] [Ch 7] [Ch 8] [Ch 9] [Ch 10] [Ch 11] [Ch 12] [Ch 13] [Ch 14] [ao3] [Ch 16] [Ch 17] [Ch 18] [Ch 19]

Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla, Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Rilla, Lord Arum, Sir Damien

Additional Tags: Second Citadel, Lizard Kissin’ Tuesday, Pre-Relationship, (for the three of them. it’s established r/d), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Injury, Injury Recovery, Hurt/Comfort, Slow Burn, (this will also be), Enemies to Lovers, (for damien and arum eventually lol), Mutual Pining, canon typical Arum ignoring feelings

Fic Summary: Strange things wash up out of the lake near Rilla’s hut, on occasion. But this monster… this monster is certainly the strangest.

Chapter Summary: The humans take a very truncated tour.

Chapter Notes: BOY I'M CUTTIN IT CLOSE THIS WEEK. WORLD GOT ME DOWN, SORRY FAM. I'm RUSHING through to post please forgive any formatting weirdness or typos and also forgive the fact that this chapter is a bit shorter than the last few have been. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

~

The Keep releases the humans, and it settles Arum back on his feet as well, warbling a song that blends confusion and warmth and a number of other feelings that bleed through their link, almost overwhelming after Arum has spent so long with only his own emotions to process.

Damien rubs his wrists with a strange, unreadable look on his face, but Amaryllis is still holding one of the vines, gently pulling it close enough to examine, her eyes wide. Neither reaction sets Arum at ease, but he supposes that this was not the warmest of welcomes for them, all things considered.

He-

Arum does not know what to do, now that he is home, and they are here with him.

“So,” Amaryllis says, releasing the vine as he draws closer to them. “This is your… Keep?”

“I… it… yes, yes, this is the Keep,” he says, and the moss is soft and familiar between his clawed toes. “My Keep is… I told you we are meant to protect each other. It thought- it did not know you were not a threat, and it has not seen- it has been without-”

“You’ve been away for a long time,” she says gently, and Arum hates the way his heart lurches for her easy words. “Must be nice to be home.”

“I imagine that is quite the understatement,” Damien says softly, though he is not looking at either of them, and Arum laughs, very lightly.

“Indeed. Keep, I-”

He feels the Keep observing, feels the way it is parsing his own emotions and the way it is observing the humans as well, and it is somewhat like seeing the pair of them again, for the first time. It is distracting, though not unpleasant.

The Keep sings, and Arum watches the way that Amaryllis’ eyes light up with curiosity.

“So, I get that it’s alive, but- you can talk to it?”

It hums around them, answering for itself, and Arum can’t help his smile.

“We speak, yes.”

Amaryllis opens her mouth, clearly to ask another question, to continue to chase this new mystery, but she pauses. Her eyes narrow, and then she tilts her head.

“You- huh. You’re standing more easily. Are you- hang on.” She reaches a hand towards him and Arum tilts his head, and when her fingers brush the edge of his frill he clenches his teeth together to keep from making some noise at the contact. “That looks- the tissue is- is the Keep healing you?” she asks, sounding both impressed and a little- irritated, perhaps?

“What?” Damien says, finally looking towards them again, and Arum stiffens at their combined scrutiny, standing a little straighter. “What do you- oh.”

“Oh?” Arum echoes.

“You look- Rilla, have his scales taken on- more color?”

“I think so, actually. Arum-”

“I told you,” he growls. “Our connection is difficult to explain.”

“But it’s healing you. You’re already better than you were a few minutes ago.”

“Of course I am. We- we help each other. We protect each other.”

Rilla, strangely, looks furious now. “If you told me it could make you better in minutes , we would have tried to bring you home a hell of a lot faster, Arum!”

“It- it is not instantaneous, and it did not seem like something you would believe, Amaryllis.”

“Maybe not at first, Arum, but you’ve been healing like a damned glacier and you could have been better so much faster if you just told me-”

Arum finds that he is smiling. He is reminded with a pang that he will miss this, miss her arguments and her fire, miss the soft tension of passing time with Sir Damien as well, and the smile abruptly flickers off. He swallows, looking away.

“I apologize, then,” he says, and Rilla’s argument comes to a halt. “Believe that if there was any way I thought I could have come back to my Keep any faster, I certainly would have.”

She opens her mouth, then sighs and smiles wryly.

“I suppose this accounts for the escape attempts, then,” Damien murmurs, and Arum chokes on a laugh.

“Quite. Not, I now admit, that I could possibly have gotten here on my own in that state.”

“Stubborn,” Rilla mutters, and when Damien raises a pointed eyebrow at her she scowls harder.

Damien tilts his head away, burying his smile before he laughs at her irritation, and then he meets Arum’s eyes. He looks- wary, still.

“So… we have delivered you back to where you belong,” he says, tone deceptively light. He pauses for a moment, but neither Arum nor Amaryllis interrupt him. It is too clear that his thought is unfinished. “What… what happens now, Lord Arum?”

Arum’s body tenses, his stance going entirely stiff. He glances towards Amaryllis, who appears precisely as unsure about the question as Arum feels. What happens now, as if Arum had ever truly expected to return home, as if he had planned for this. He had not expected, in his heart, to ever return to the Keep, let alone to do so with these strange, strange humans in tow. Or- with them towing him.

"I…" Arum swallows, feels his tail curling anxiously, and the Keep drifts vines out to touch his shoulders, to steady him. "I suppose… I am- certain that the both of you must be… eager to return home, as well," he murmurs, turning his face away. "But- but it is… late in the day, now. It would make little sense for you to set out again without rest, only to make camp in an hour or so." He pauses for a moment, still not looking at them as he flicks his tongue, and he can practically taste tension hanging in the air, theirs and his own. "I would… it would be wisest for the both of you to stay the night. If you will."

"You… you wouldn't mind letting us stay?" Amaryllis asks quietly, and Arum scoffs.

"I have been imposing on your hospitality for so long a time now that I've entirely lost track, Amaryllis," he growls. "One night at the very least will not make the slightest impact on my own." He pauses. "If you can stand to sleep within a monster structure, of course."

"Your… your Keep will not mind our presence, either?"

This next question from Damien, and Arum glances their way again, raising an eyebrow as the Keep sings its answer, decisively closing the portal behind them at last. Arum notes with no small measure of surprise that neither of the humans appear unsettled, that their escape route has vanished.

"Its sense of hospitality is far more developed than my own," he mutters. "I doubt very much it could be convinced to allow you to leave without at least providing you a meal."

Amaryllis smiles. "Does the Keep cook, then, or do I finally get to see your theoretical culinary skills?"

Arum shoots the doctor a glare, puffing up his chest as he growls. "I assure you, Amaryllis, that you will see that my culinary skills are completely and entirely," he pauses, "adequate."

Amaryllis blinks, and then bursts into laughter, her entire body jolting with it as she leans against Damien, who is pursing his lips together tight, his eyes sparkling with his own barely suppressed mirth.

Arum is glad that they are too caught in the amusement to look at him, for only a few moments. He does not like to think what they will see on his face, if they look at him right now. Their joy, bubbling bright within his home-

It is overwhelming.

"Keep," he says before they've entirely recovered, looking away. "Open the way, if you would."

Amaryllis stops laughing as the doorway opens again, the noises of chiming and insects and life drifting lazily through the passage, and her eyes light with curiosity, as Arum had hoped they would.

"It seems… appropriate, that I should show you my home, as you showed me yours, does it not?"

"A tour?" she says, raising an eyebrow, and Arum snorts. "Sure, sounds fun, actually."

"What… what is through there?" Sir Damien asks, his own curiosity mitigated rather obviously by his nerves.

"The room I believe Amaryllis will take the greatest interest in," he says with a shrug. "I did not think the impatient creature should like to wait."

"Okay, fair," Rilla says with a grin. "But now you have to tell me."

Arum barely manages to suppress another laugh. "Come, then, you ridiculous creature. Let me show you my greenhouse."

~

There's just so much, is the thing. So much life, so many plants and fungi that Rilla has either needed to pay out the nose for, scrabble tooth and nail to find on her own, has only seen in sketches, or didn't even believe existed at all, before. It's like a dream, honestly. If Arum hadn't already told her about the Hermit (a bittersweet sting, that memory- she can't help but be disappointed that the flower was destroyed, but the fact that he trusted her enough to tell her is- interesting evidence), she would have it in the back of her mind anyway, half expecting it to be hidden here, among so many other impossible specimens.

The space is enormous- the Keep itself must be huge, the size of a town, maybe, and it would probably take her weeks to see everything that Arum has in his collection.

Longer, actually, because his collection is exactly as organized as the swamp outside. She's beginning to see where he was coming from, exactly, with his complaints about her own organizational systems.

"So that's the pond you were talking about, for keeping the Jungle Flame from causing trouble?"

Arum and Damien have been drifting behind her, Arum tapping a surprising degree of patience as she bolts from wonder to wonder, and now he nods, his lip turning wryly.

"I may still, despite the strategy you shared. One cannot be too cautious with fire, within a structure such as this."

"No, that makes sense," she says, tilting her head at the pond, tapping her chin thoughtfully. "And the Keep can just- grow an island, there?"

"The Keep is the entirety of this place. It shifts and changes as it is needed."

"That… sounds really cool, actually. Huh."

There is so much, so much to see, to investigate. She could get lost in here, metaphorically speaking. She could just keep finding more and more fascinating things to ask Arum about, more answers to questions she's had penned into the margins of countless journals.

And it's good, she thinks, to have something here to focus on, besides Arum himself. He's so vibrant, now. She didn't realize, all this time, how washed out his injuries had made him, how much he had been muted by pain and recovery. Here, with the Keep performing whatever magic it needs to help him stand easy again, he gleams as glossy as the plants he keeps, he practically thrums with relief and joy, and Rilla-

Rilla's throat hurts, just a bit, because she knows that she won't have any excuse not to leave, when morning comes.

She sinks to kneel, feeling the soft dirt and moss beneath her knees, cool and real and distracting, and she pulls out her recorder.

One more little mystery. Just one more little problem to solve, before she admits to herself that she still doesn't have an answer to the problems that really matter.

~

Amaryllis is deeply, deeply engrossed with her recorder beside a pair of symbiotically growing plants when Arum realizes that Sir Damien is staring at him, now, instead of at the doctor.

"I apologize, honeysuckle," he says, raising his eyebrow.

Damien blinks. "Apologize? For- for what, precisely?"

"This has been a rather single-minded tour, as Amaryllis put it. We have indulged her curiosities, but I cannot imagine that you share the depth of her interest in my collection of flora."

"Ah," he says, his lip pulling into a surprised smile. "Perhaps not, but- you need not apologize." He turns his gaze towards Amaryllis, then, his smile going gentle. "Her delight is precisely as my own. And besides, it is not as if I expected that we should arrive to your home and you would entertain me, Lord Arum. I did not expect serenades."

Arum chokes a laugh, his tail curling behind him, and-

A thought.

"Not… not serenades, of course," Arum murmurs, and Damien's attention flicks back towards him, curious. "But- perhaps there is something that may interest you." He pauses, and after a moment Damien gestures for him to continue. "I do have a small library. Nothing particularly impressive, and the majority of my volumes will be unreadable to you, but- would you like- rather, I could show you. If you would like."

Damien stares at him for a moment, lips parted, and then he smiles and Arum bites down the rattle that wants to shake in his chest.

"That- yes, that would be- I would be delighted."

"Excellent," Arum says, and then he looks away, his eyes returning helplessly towards Amaryllis for a moment. "Though- she does not seem keen to be pulled away, just yet."

Damien's smile goes soft again, and he shakes his head. "Perhaps not. Just a moment, Arum."

Damien steps closer to his- to Amaryllis, leaning down to murmur something by her ear as she kneels by the flora, and she does not look up from the plant, though Arum sees her mouth move in response, and the focus on her face softens for only a moment when Damien leans the last inch closer to place a kiss at her temple before he straightens and returns to join Arum.

"I told her we would not be long," he explains, and then he makes a rather unnecessarily elegant gesture with his hand.

Rather trusting, Arum thinks, to be so willing to leave Amaryllis alone and unprotected in Arum's Keep. If they meant her harm-

"Right. Right, then." Arum clears his throat. "Keep, the scroll room, if you would?"

Damien watches the vines grow to create the portal with that same mixed trepidation and fascination, but he does not hesitate to step through after Arum, and his eyes widen slightly as he takes in the room.

Amaryllis would call it disorganized, certainly, but such chaos does not trouble Arum. As he said, his library is not impressive by any standards. Literature is not among his more passionate interests, but former Keep-Lords have certainly gathered enough over the Keep's long, long life to amass a decent collection.

"There- oh, so many of these look- positively ancient, Arum," Damien murmurs, lifting a hand but not daring to touch the case of one of the more rare scrolls.

"They are ancient," Arum drawls. "Most of them, anyway. I have added very little to the proceedings, so most of the texts predate my own lifespan. Hence the age. The Keep maintains the air in this space in such a way that it preserves the more delicate parchment. You may examine whatever you like on the shelf on the far wall, however. Those volumes are newer, more sturdy, and if I remember correctly there should be one or two that are written in the human script."

Damien looks bemused for a moment. "You have texts written by humans?"

"Information is information, honeysuckle," Arum says with a shrug, and Damien purses his lips in consideration before he nods, stepping towards the indicated shelf to peruse.

While he is so engrossed, Arum need not force himself to avert his gaze. Damien's focus is… intense. Distracting. It is difficult for Arum, to pull his eyes away. For the moment he does not bother.

"Ah-" Damien laughs very lightly. "It seems you already had a primer in human poetry before we met, Lord Arum," Damien says, running his fingers lightly across the spine of a book and slipping it from the shelf. "I know this poet. She wrote of the Saints, primarily."

Arum clenches his teeth, feeling his frill flutter. "There is little coherency to the collection, little songbird. I could not possibly say how such a work made its way into my hands." He tilts his head, narrowing his eyes at the book as Damien opens it and flips through. "I remember that one, yes." He sneers. "I should apologize, I think, that I cannot provide you more stimulating material to peruse."

"What?" Damien lifts his head. "What do you- mean?"

Arum shrugs, a little aggressively. "I am aware that my collection is limited, honeysuckle. I may have a collection of poetry or two, but I do not possess any volumes of the quality that our doctor shared with me."

"The- the quality?"

"The tome you are holding is rather dry by comparison, I should say," he inhales, hisses a breath, looks away, mutters, "it does not compare. It will not stick in your mind like … like…" he trails off, and- well. The words come almost too easily. "The paper of the lantern will not rise without the flame," he breathes, pretending not to feel his frill rising higher at his neck, "And so ascended I, alight and burning when you came." Arum pauses a long moment, then, feeling the odd way those words curl on his tongue, the way they make him feel, the sympathetic heat they kindle behind the cage of his ribs, and then he exhales again. "Yes. I do not think I shall forget those words, as I have forgotten so many of the dusty poems I have been storing here."

He pauses again, and Sir Damien does not speak. Arum notices, then, that the knight's heart is beating rather quickly, and when he looks to Damien again he presses the book tight against his chest, his lips parting in clear surprise.

"What?" Arum grumbles, thrown by the sudden intensity in Damien's expression, by the heavy tension he can taste on the air. "What, honeysuckle? I have already admitted that your species is… somewhat skilled, in such arts. I will not say so again."

"N-no, I- it is simply that- I- well, you- you read- you read-" he stammers off, losing words entirely for a long moment.

"I read nearly everything Amaryllis provided me in that little basket of hers. Why? What does it matter?" He projects a sneer. "Again, I already told you. Human poetry is not- it is not entirely disagreeable."

"But you read- you read my poe-"

Arum blinks, and stares down at Damien as the poet swallows his words, and Arum's stomach drops in something like panic.

"Those- that- those were… your words?"

"I, ah- yes, I-"

"She stuck them in the basket with the rest," Arum barks, tail thrashing. "She did not mention that- that they were- that they were private-"

"Not-" Damien bursts into a breath of uncomfortable laughter, and Arum barely resists an urge to either bolt from the room or- or to sway closer to the human, instead. "They are not private, not precisely, but- that was from a… a collection, verses written for my- for Rilla. Poetry that my flower inspired, with her brilliance and beauty."

Damien's dark cheeks are darker, now, flushed, and he is looking at the shelf of volumes, away from Arum, and Arum-

More words drift back to him. More phrases, warm and fond, enraptured- sensual, at times, and-

It is no wonder, then, that every line of verse on those pages reminded Arum of her. Of the pair of them. It is no wonder at all, that he had not even noticed Amaryllis enter the room as he read, because her presence was in the room before her, in the words themselves.

Unconsumed, enlightened, and by your heat unfurled

Together, hand in hand, we rose, and made more gold the world.

Arum clenches his own hands, his palms tingling. He should have known, that those words were meant for the love between these two humans. He thinks of their hands, intertwined with such ease. He things of the invitation of Amaryllis' palm, and her gentle invocation of we . He thinks of his little songbird, grasping unseeing in the night, how he settled when Arum took his hand in claws.

He feels what Damien penned. He feels himself a paper lantern. Fragile, and untethered, and close to burning.

"I… I should have… I should have known," He murmurs, and Damien glances towards him again. "Should have recognized your voice upon the page, I think."

"They- many were not-" he pauses, bites his lip, and smiles very cautiously. "You… you enjoyed them? Truly?"

Arum breathes a helpless laugh. "You are a beautiful poet, honeysuckle," he says, and when Damien flushes darker he- winces, glancing away. "Rather- I meant, of course, that your poetry is- not that-"

"It is… it is quite alright, Lord Arum," Damien says. "I thank you for the compliment."

Damien tucks the book of less relevant poetry back onto the shelf, his cheeks still dark as he scans his eyes across the various monster scripts, and Arum clenches his hands.

Beautiful, he thinks again, and there is something almost vicious about it.

"If there is nothing else here that interests you, honeysuckle, we should return to the greenhouse," he mutters.

Damien looks towards him, his eyes flicking oddly across Arum's face for a moment before he looks aside. "Yes," he says softly. "I suppose we should do our best to draw Rilla back to us from her newest puzzle."

Back to us.

He did not mean that.

Arum clenches his hands again, pushes the desire down inside of himself, and summons the way back to the greenhouse.

~

Arum leaves them briefly, before dinner, so they can finally change out of their travel clothes and scrub off the dust of the road in the Keep's large, strange washroom, and after Damien lowers a hand to help Rilla lift herself out from the large tub (or, perhaps, small indoor pond) made from one enormous waxy leaf, she keeps hold of his hand, pulling him in close so she can throw her arms around his shoulders.

"R-Rilla-"

"Just-" she squeezes him, pressing her face into his neck and sighing there. "One sec. Need- need something that feels normal and real just for- one second."

"Oh… oh Rilla," he strokes a hand down her braid, holding her in return, feeling her breathe softly against his skin. "You know I will always, always hold you, if you ask." He smiles very gently, a laugh in his tone as he continues, "If we were not required to bother ourselves with such mundanities as food and work and rest, I would never let you go."

"That too," she mumbles. "The talking, I mean."

"I suppose I speak at such length that my voice must be as familiar and ordinary as-"

"I love you, Damien," she murmurs, clinging more tightly. "Th-thank you."

Damien's breath catches, his center burning with the sweet shock of it, the way he is never quite used to hearing her say those words. He presses his lips to her hair, to her temple, and he rocks gently on his heels, swaying them together.

"I love you, Amaryllis. I am grateful that I could be at your side along this journey, as I wish to be for the rest of our lives."

"We got him home," she says, her tone a worrying waver.

"So we did," he answers gently. "You've done so much, my love. You saved him. Now all you need do is rest."

"No-" she shakes her head, pulling back slightly so she can meet his eye with a grimace. "No, I can't because I still- Damien, I thought we would get here and I would know what I should do, but- but he's home, we brought him home and he's safe and he's going to really, really heal and I still don't know what to-"

"Rilla…"

"And he thinks we're just desperate to get away from him, doesn't he? He'll let us stay the night and then- and then what, Damien? We just- leave and go back home and pretend like- like none of this happened? Pretend like I can go back to thinking about monsters the way I used to? Pretend I never- pretend that I'm not going to- to miss him, that I don't-"

She cuts off, inhales sharply, closes her eyes and clenches her teeth.

"Rilla," Damien murmurs, and he cups her cheek as she shudders out another breath. "It's alright."

"It's not-"

"It is, my love." Damien manages a smile when she opens her eyes again, scowling at him, and it feels bittersweet on his lips. "You said our feelings could not be part of this discussion until Arum was safe again. He is. He is safe, now, and I think you need to speak your own heart, my Rilla. I think you need to say it."

She stares at him, and fear looks so very strange on his beloved. He brushes his thumb across her cheek, his other hand resting at her waist, and he waits. He is more patient than his love; she may take however long she needs.

"I… Damien, I love him," she says. "I do, I love the way he always seems surprised when he laughs, I love his stupid sense of pride and the way he always gestures with his hands even if it hurts his wrist, I love how clever he is and how he cares so much even if he pretends not to, and I love the way he- he mutters in his sleep and- and when he actually smiles I just want to- to-"

"To take him in your arms," Damien murmurs, and Rilla laughs.

"Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And- and I don't know how I … I don't know how it happened, Damien, and I didn't- I didn't mean to, but- but I do." She looks down, looks away, wincing again. "I love him."

Damien cannot tear his eyes away from her. He would not be capable of the feat if this place collapsed around him entirely. She is-

Fear does not suit his beloved. Love, however, she wears with such beauty and ease that Damien can hardly breathe for the sight of it.

He lifts his other hand, cupping her face, rising to brush his lips over hers, as delicately as he is able.

"I know," he says. "I know, and I know how, as well. It is … rather obvious, in retrospect. You spent every day with him for months, my love. I am unsurprised that you would see the beauty in each other, that you would learn each other, know each other. You are… the both of you are so entirely brilliant, so clever and stubborn and lovely and fierce…"

Rilla exhales half a laugh. "Damien."

"You fell for him slowly, my darling flower. I told you- I believe you grew together. And I … well. I was not beside the both of you for all of that time. I was distant, in the beginning, both in truth and in feeling, and it took time for me to understand that when I looked at him, I saw… someone, rather than some thing. I imagined so much evil in him, and- I could laugh, now, at my stubbornness, the way I twisted him in my mind, to suit my expectations…" he trails off, shakes his head. "What I mean to say, Rilla, is that I was slower to join you, yes. I was slower to follow you, but-" he thinks his smile has gone sheepish, now. Not quite embarrassment, but the awareness of his own nature making him feel wry. "I think we both know that when I fall, it is a rather quick plunge, my love."

Her eyes flick between his own, not quite disbelieving. "You… you said, before, you said feelings, Damien, but- really?"

"Rilla… my darling, my forever-flower, I know that I told you I would- defer to your choices, that I would allow you to set the pace, allow you to choose what would remain said and what would remain unsaid, between the three of us." He swallows, drops his hands from her cheeks to her shoulders. "But- but I am not built to keep feelings within, my Rilla. Every time he looks at me- every time he smiles I feel the waves crashing within me- the damn has nearly broken so many times already- so many moments I looked at him and longed to say…"

He closes his eyes, feeling helpless and awash, but he inhales slowly and the emotion settles, still swelling large within him, but easier, now. Softer.

"He makes me feel… he makes me feel like you do, Rilla. I look at him… his eyes, so sharp and clever, his strong tail, his claws- his hands, so shockingly gentle …" he breathes something like a laugh. "Loving you, my Rilla, is always so overwhelming. Merely being in your presence is enough to make my heart swell, and race, and beg, and your absence causes me such aching that I feel I could die from it. Already I felt so deeply- so powerfully-" He pauses, laughs again. "I felt so full of love … how could I possibly have anticipated that I was capable of further depth of feeling? My heart, full to bursting already- I did not realize that my heart is not a cup, is not some fragile thing wherein I hold my love for you, that jitters and sloshes when I am overwhelmed, when I falter in my tranquility and take, again, to thrashing. Rilla, my heart is not a cup, it does not merely hold. My heart is a spring, is a source, is ever-flowing, without limit. I love you, my Amaryllis, my flower. I love you forever."

Rilla stares, her cheeks flushed dark, her eyes shining. "And you love him, too."

"I do," he says, gentle and certain.

"And he…" she inhales, exhales, and her brow furrows. "I know he feels something for us, too," she says quietly. "I can't say for sure that it's- it's that, but I know he feels something. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to make it all even more complicated, but- but I'm not stupid and- and honestly he's not exactly subtle."

Damien laughs, in surprise more than humor. "That, he is not," he says, and then he pulls his lip into a wry smile. "Rilla… I will still hold my tongue, if you truly think it is best, but … I think- I think, my love, that we could find a way, if we tried. That we could all, perhaps, be happy. That we could have what we wanted." He pauses, bites his lip. "What… what, exactly, do you want, my Rilla? I know how you feel, but what do you want?"

"I…" she laughs, presses a hand over her mouth. "I want- I don't want him out of our lives, at least. I don't want- I can't stand the thought that we'll leave tomorrow and never see him again, I just can't-"

"Rilla, my heart… I did not ask what you are afraid of." He strokes a hand across her hair, soft, soothing. "Please. Tell me what you want."

"I want… I want to know," she admits, leaning into his arms. "I do. I want to know if he feels the same. If- if he loves us too. And-" she laughs, "and I want to kiss him, if he'll let me."

"Yes," Damien says through his own laughter. "Quite." He tightens his embrace for a moment, crowding close against Rilla until she laughs again. "I suppose it is good to know that we feel the same in that, as well."

[->]

[drewwwbydoobydoo]

If you're feeling up to it, why not just answer all of the 65 questions from the ask list?

Ok here goes haha

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? Yeah for sure, but at this point I just figure I can’t do a whole lot about it so I’m just rolling with whatever is the truth (basically the same thing as us maybe being in a simulation, I don’t think the answer really matters)

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? Like 4 or 5, I’m very scared of the dark tbh I get super paranoid sometimes

3. The person you would never want to meet? Mike Pence

4. What is your favorite word? Exuberance or effulgent

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? A maple tree

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? Bleh

7. What shirt are you wearing? A gray shirt from a hackathon I did last year

8. What do you label yourself as? A creative, a student, a future teacher, a lesbian, a human

9. Bright room or dark room? Bright room

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? Talking to my dad about child psychology

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 18

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom

13. Your worst enemy? The US government

14. What is your current desktop picture? A drawing that someone did of a mountain landscape

15. Do you like someone? Yeee my partner!

16. The last song you listened to? Rollercoaster by The Orion Experience

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? The dictator of the US

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Same as #17

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? Same as #17, and I would just try to fix as many things that he’s done as I could lol

20. What is your best physical attribute? I really like my eyes! They’re gray and I think that’s pretty cool

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I feel like honestly I would look approximately the same, or like my brother lol though we already look pretty similar. I’d just continue existing, idk I don’t think I’d do anything differently cause gender is funky

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? Yes! I can write in a whole bunch of different fonts by hand really easily (like I can switch between fonts without having to write slower or think too much about it)

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? Ok so like I’m really afraid of small heights but not big heights. For some reason heights like doing a ropes course or trapeze absolutely terrify me but I’m totally fine like on a tall mountain or in a plane

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. Maple tempeh with hummus, avocado, tomato and lettuce on wheat bread sounds 10/10 rn

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? I’d donate it to the Transgender Law Center

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Hmmmmm I wouldn’t go on a plane because we’re still in a pandemic but theoretically if this were a normal time I’d probably go somewhere in Canada

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? I don’t drink alcohol so I’m good!

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? Freedom of speech (with the exception of hate speech)

29. What is your favorite expletive? Asshat, mainly cause I think it’s kinda funny

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? My laptop, I have too many photos and files that I don’t want to lose

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Getting blackmailed by my brother

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Canada here we come!

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? My cat, Clara. She was the absolute sweetest being that has ever graced this planet, and she was my only true friend for many years

34. What was your last dream about? The commune that I lived at last summer

35. Are you a good listener? I think so? I try to be, especially since I took some workshops in nonviolent communication and how to be a better listener and I think those were really helpful!

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? No but I probably should have been

37. Have you ever built a snowman? Yeah

38. What is the color of your socks? Light blue

39. What type of music do you like? Idk a lot of stuff I guess? Musical soundtracks, indie rock, pop-rock, etc.

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? Sunsets!!!

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Vanilla (boring, I know lol)

42. What football team do you support? Idk any sports teams :/

43. Do you have any scars? Yeah, many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? I mean like theoretically I would love to be a painter but realistically I’m gonna become an elementary school teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? Bruh how tf do I choose just one??? Uhhhhhh honestly I would get rid of my uterus I don’t want it and it just causes pain

46. Are you reliable? Yeah, very

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Which career path do I end up on?

48. Do you hold grudges? Yeah, only about big things though

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I’d breed cats and rabbits together to create: cabbits

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? One time me and one of my friends were laying on the floor of our dorm’s common room and we were talking about a bunch of fucked up stuff we’ve done (like not necessarily bad things, but just like those weird, “are you ok?” kind of things)

51. Are you a good liar? Yeah actually! I don’t know how, but I'm a really good liar if I genuinely want to lie about something. 

52. How long could you go without talking? A very long time. Singing would be a drastically different answer though

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? When I first cut my hair short when I was 16, it was just a very awkward length and I didn’t know what was happening

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? Yeah I actually baked one yesterday

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? I can kinda do a southern accent

56. What do you like on your toast? Vegan butter and roasted garlic mmmmm

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? Roman Sanders lol

58. What would be you dream car? I’ve always wanted a light blue convertible, like as long as I can remember I’ve had this very specific car in mind that I know I’d never actually buy but in theory would be very cool

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. Sometimes I sing in the shower, also I used to sit down while showering lol

60. Do you believe in aliens? Yeah, I don’t have any specific theories but I think there’s probably some other intelligent life out there

61. Do you often read your horoscope? Not really

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? E

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? Dragons

64. What do you think about babies? Amazing, I was one once

This was fun! Kinda therapeutic tbh lol

[zoids-whisper-blog]

Whenever you spend too much  a great deal of  time working on something, then release it to the world to play with, there is no small chance that someone will find something they really don't like about it.  This will usually not be a pleasant experience for anyone involved, but especially not you.  How you deal with this will determine whether you're cut out for this business or not.

I want to focus on the video in this post.  It's from TheSacredLobo's Let's Play of Whisper version 1.2.  In it, he faces enemies that have become much more difficulty for reasons that are not clear.  Despite fighting just as he did to get to that point, he's unable to take them.  Obviously, this becomes very frustrating.  The video is an honest reaction to his game experience and is, for the developer (me), an unmitigated disaster.  The problems he's complaining about are real.  They are my fault.  I created a terribly frustrating experience.

So what went wrong?

As usual, there's no single answer to that.  If you are ever in this situation, the first step is to create a list of answers to that problem.  Here's mine.

1 - The difficulty scaling method has inaccurately gauged the player's strength. 2 - The player is not making use of most of the power they have available to them. 3 - The player's response to difficulty (power leveling) has made the game harder (due to difficulty scaling) instead of easier. 4 - The difficulty is just too damn high.

The next step is to determine the root issue behind these problems and then determine what you can do about it, if anything.

Problems 1 and 3 The problem here is with the difficulty scaling system I introduced in version 1.1 or 1.2.  It used several inputs, including player level, to determine the power of enemy zoids.  I tested it in several scenarios, but I made the assumption that if players had reached a certain level then they were exhibiting certain behaviors.  I did not track the actual behaviors.  As a result, if a player engaged in Power Leveling, they could trick the scaling mechanism into thinking they were super strong, even if they didn't have access to or the desire to make use of non-leveling methods of increasing strength.

This resulted in players who Power Leveled facing much stronger enemies without the skills, behaviors and such that would make those enemies a plausible fight.  Instead of keeping the game interesting for power levelers, the system punished players for trying to increase their strength relative to their enemies in a way that came naturally to them.

That's not what I was hoping for.

So I've changed the system to track behaviors that indicate a readiness for tougher enemies and all but removed the influence of power leveling.  Now, players can go all out and still face fun challenges, or they can stick strictly to power leveling without being whacked in the face with undue difficulty.

Problem 2 Often when a player isn't using the game's mechanics effectively, it is because the developer did a poor job of getting the necessary knowledge across. There are optional things that the player may or may not care about, but if there are mechanics that must be mastered just to finish the game, then they must be taught.  An example of something optional is Pana's Enlighten prayer.  You can beat the game without ever using it--but having it as an option makes various different builds viable and gives you another tool for getting out of tight spots.  On the other hand, Pana's Indict prayer is nearly non-negotiable.  While you can theoretically beat chapter 1 without it, you will suffer much more than necessary.  Thus, it is imperative that I place greater emphasis on encouraging the player to use Indict than I do with Enlighten. This is especially important because it would be very difficult to beat chapter 2 without using Indict.  I would be setting players up for failure if I let them finish all of chapter 1 without using it, then designed the second chapter to almost require it. This is trickier to solve, but I've started by setting up some in-character encouragement to break out the buffs.  I now track how buffs are being used and use various characters to remind the player they exist in case their usage is dangerously low.  It may or may not work...but there's even more such things built into chapter 2 in case the player struggles there.  What I want to avoid is setting up more tutorials or otherwise forcing the player to using buffs against their will.

Problem 4 This problem is simple.  Sometimes, you just mess up the numbers.  Maybe this enemy doesn't need to hit quite so hard...and maybe that one doesn't have to soak up quite as much damage. Of course, you have to be careful not to nerf everything in response to a single source of feedback, but taking a look at what you want the enemies to feel like is pretty safe. In this case, I had buffed the enemies around the Core Coating Stones too much at some difficulty tiers.  Their strength all but assumed that the player would not only be using Indict liberally, but that they had a deep understanding of the game system and could make near-optimal decisions every time.  This is not a good difficulty level for a common encounter--it's dicey for a non-optional boss, even.  As a result, I nerfed the enemies back into their specialty roles--they had expanded to being too good at too many things. P.S. Someone who reads this blog saw the video a day before me and made some of these same points in a comment.  Good job Lyn--you may be better at this than I am xD

--- Update: I've already finished testing the first chapter for terrible, no-good bugs.  I'm working on the second chapter and polishing things here and there.  Provided no awful, soul-crushing bugs pop up, I should be able to release the game by Thursday, August 30.

[jmrphy]

Meta reflections on Jesse Pinkman’s new book, Enlightenment Now, with a special focus on the Joe Rogan chapter

Warning: This was supposed to be a really quick thing about the reception of Steven Pinker's new book, in part just to rev this blog back up as an easier-going place for short, fun stuff. Accidentally it became a 4k-word world-historical meta-narrative about the changing political coordinates of contemporary intellectual life on a razor-thin evidentiary base.

I just read RS Bakker's thoughts on the new Pinker book. I thought they were very stimulating and seemed important/credible—although I didn't grok everything in my one time through on the train. They did, however, motivate me to jot down a few thoughts that have been recurring to me lately. They're not really related to Bakker's post.

I'm not going to comment on the Pinker book, first because I haven't read it; second, because I don't like playing in already overpopulated peanut galleries, it pains my frail ego; third, because, as with many things today, it seems to me the real theoretical points of interest are at a meta level. There's a time and place to use proper names, no doubt, but individuals and their particular products are often red herrings, I think. If I use the name Pinker below it's just for shorthand; this will really be about the larger class of prestigious public intellectuals of which he is only one example (as opposed to, say, the high-brow but unpaid batshit blogger class, the personal-brand-with-a-patreon class, the Youtube philosophy for dummies educator class, the Alex Jones balls-to-the-wall flight from Earth class, etc.). It turns out there are wayyy more ways to be a famous and influential intellectual than anyone could have known when they were in grad school in the 70s or 80s, or even the 90s really.

In fact, I won't even use Pinker's name, to emphasize that I'm really not out here trying to ankle-bite this great and good scientist who is much smarter and more accomplished than myself. Wherever I might want to refer to Pinker as an example, I will instead refer to Pinkman. That way you'll think of Jesse from Breaking Bad, in the form of a prestigious social scientist instead of a meth kingpin.

Highly successful and publicly influential academic intellectuals are playing a very particular kind of game. The logic of this game made sense even ten years ago, but I'm not sure it does anymore. The logic is something like this "Get really smart, make real scientific contributions, earn legitimate credentials and status, then leverage this elevated status to shape the body politic toward the Good (and also be handsomely remunerated, admired, etc. — but hey, fair enough.) I've never met Pinkman or many other famous scientists but my sense is they have given much of their life to some version of this noble vocation. This is an archetypal Liberal identity-mold, a tried and true, recognizable Calling, in a world where such things are increasingly hard to find.

Well, the past decade has thrown up some data points that really make you wonder whether the basic terms of this model still obtain. A few things lately have given me the bad feeling that someone like Pinkman may have invested most of their life in a certain kind of bargain with Liberal Society that, sadly, Liberal Society has now reneged on. I say this is a bad feeling because, if true, it's very unfortunate and I genuinely feel for them.

So what's this bargain I speak of, in a little more detail? First, for background, remember that for much of our history highly talented and creative individuals are typically punished by their groups. Reverse dominance hierarchies, etc., you can't let super talented people get too ahead of the others because then they'll dominate, or group morale suffers, or the group disintegrates, or whatever. Bad things will happen. So they'd cut you down to size at every opportunity. But liberal society was willing to offer super smart and able people a bargain: If you're really smart and able, then you can go off and cultivate your smarts but only on condition that you respect Liberal Society. It's a pretty genius solution actually: let the ablest flourish above everyone else but make them pay a cut of their gains to the cohesion of the whole. Win-win. The society got all the benefits of crazy geniuses solving problems, without them dominating or collective cohesion suffering. The geniuses not only got to enjoy their objective superiority on full blast, they also got to feel like it was all about doing good for others. And maybe it is.

It is the right to generously bestow social improvement that is one of the great joys of being a prestigious intellectual--could you imagine how exhilarating it must feel to have earned, through a life of study, the exalted role of institutionally sanctioned Society Improver at grand scale, how genuinely good it must feel to know that all of your sacrifice and hard work now empowers you to improve the knowledge and character of millions, and the political health of a whole society? Understood a little more rational-choicely, this is one of the key income streams that liberal society pays to its most prestigious geniuses, in return for their lifelong loyalty to all of the official tenets of harmonious Liberal Society. I think the data is pretty obvious in showing that no matter how genius you might be, if you go off the rails of "reasonable discourse" beyond a certain degree you quickly lose all of your standing and influence (on this model, anyway.

(Note that the newer classes of public intellectuals have figured out that if you decline the liberal institutional bargain, then going maximally off the rails can be its own direct path to extraordinary intellectual influence and economic reward. But more on that later, let's stay on track understanding the fine print of the liberal intellectual's bargain with liberal society).

Here's where things get a little shadowy because the harmony of Liberal Society is quite sensitive. It's kind of like a precious baby, and we love babies and would do anything to protect them, but this is how hypocrisy enters in automatically, because Liberal Society requires everyone to presume everyone else is an adult, and to treat everyone as such. For instance, when two groups violently disagree over certain deep moral questions, well, liberal society doesn't allow them to deal with it violently (a good thing perhaps, as Pinkman has amply documented). But what does it do instead?

The simplest way to summarize all of the things that Liberal Society does to reduce violence: It papers over the conflicts, which is maybe a brilliant solution, or maybe an insane, explosive solution that simply hasn't exploded yet — the jury is still out on that one. If Group A thinks abortion is murdering babies, and Group B thinks prohibition of abortion is enslaving women, the only way to deal with such profound and high-stakes ethical disagreement, other than civil war, is to derive some symbolic artifice(s) that will let both groups live peacefully with the other. Hmm, thinks Caesar, do we have anyone around here good at generating clever symbolic artifices? In swoops the knighted genius. The genius is delighted to take a break from self-cultivation in order to contribute to Harmony, and Caesar, as well as the common people, are happy to have someone on hand to explain why I don't have to worry if my neighbor is Evil. Win, win, win.

Thus baked into the vocation of the modern liberal intellectual is, from the get-go, a highly dissimulated condescension and hypocrisy. The liberal intellectual gets their status precisely from a superior ability (earned or inherited, doesn't matter) but they are contractually obligated to treat the normal masses as equals, when they know damn well that in fact, the normal masses are dumber, more dangerous, and in need of Harmonizing by institutions (paper). Also, remember that the genius wants to help, it's extremely rewarding to sincerely help society, but the noble sacrifice the genius admirably contributes to the social good is precisely the papering over, of whatever the normal masses need papered over for their well-being. This is how a basic minimum of dissimulation, condescension, and hypocrisy is structurally embedded in the vocation or calling of the modern liberal intellectual. We might note in passing it's also an avatar of Plato's Philosopher-King, a conceptual-political thought-rut that many progressive intellectual personae tend to inhabit in one way or another (and yes, here, Pinkman is a Progressive, despite some infamy among SJWs).

OK, so the modern liberal intellectual might be forced to pay lip service to a few small Noble Lies, but it's soooo much better than all that homicide and war in the earlier chapters of Pinkman's violence book, that it seems like a no-brainer. "There are political realities, it's not my fault, all I can do is speak the truth in a way that helps society the most. If that means I have to use my words judiciously, is that really so bad?" an elite cognitive scientist might reasonably ask. The only problem is that this entire model presumes that the speech of the prestige intellectual will remain highly weighted relative to the speech of anyone else who might take it upon themselves to explain things publicly.

What if external circumstances change in such a way that the masses start to intuit that the knighted geniuses have quietly been playing a political game all along? What if, empirically, things just so happen to play out in such a way that a critical mass of pretty average people (on the right and the left, and in their own languages and for their own reasons), quietly update their mental and behavioral models of the world in the realization that: "Eureka! I have a strong suspicion that some really serious issues have been papered over for some time now... and I'm not going to be a dupe any longer. I see what's going on, and I can play this game, too..." Well, one thing to note is that if this updating were to occur, even on a massive and rapid scale, there's no reason to believe we would know it anytime soon after it occurred. The next thing to see is that, suddenly, the entire bargain that the prestige intellectual based his whole life's labors on would suddenly be off the table.

So long as your pronouncements are weighted well by institutionalized attention monopolies, your lifelong service to science mixed slightly with Harmony-producing fluff was a reasonable and even maybe noble project. If your prestige loses its weight, then tempering your extreme intelligence with little white lies would be all for nought, because you're about to be left in the dust by new startups who specialize in unreasonably extreme truth-telling ("red pills" and many other colored pills now available) and also unreasonably extreme hypocrisy (self-help bullshit, SJWism, etc.). You'll still have your niche, but your effect on people and society will rapidly fall towards zero (along with the overwhelming majority of other people, including most smart people).

It seems to me that as a sociological phenomenon, Pinkman's recent book dramatizes a lot of what I'm modeling here. I think the world has changed a lot very recently and with many things we're like the roadrunner who's already off the cliff, but we haven't yet looked down to see the vast empty space beneath our galloping gait. In a strange way, I think dumber people have been doing more correct updating as of late, and some of the smartest people have been stubbornly failing to update lately. Dumber people have updated to not listen to a word of what the mainstream intellectual culture says, but smart people have not yet been able to update in response to this updating by dumber people (in part because smart people don't have any way of hearing about how dumber people are updating, and they're not exactly accustomed to caring about it). The inertia of media representations enforces a substantial lag between increasingly rapid techno-economic changes in the distribution of powers and our meager human mental models of where that power is.

All of this has been quite abstract, and I mentioned above that I have some data points, so I'll just end with those. I might have tricked you, accidentally, because to be honest, I've extrapolated this whole bonkers historical meta-narrative from a few very measly anecdotal observations. Well first, I kind of had in mind things like Trump and Brexit, i.e. signals of widespread mistrust of dominant institutions and respectable liberal wisdom. So those are pretty big and real data points for the kind of perspective I'm articulating here. I also have a few more specific ones, although they are very tendentious.

The first one is so silly, you're really going to laugh at me for writing this long post in part because of this ridiculously tiny and personal anecdote. You can write your own blog, I for one sense significant causal evidence in this little story. Basically, I listened to the Joe Rogan podcast with Pinkman about his new book and... Pinkman was fine, he's a brilliant and likable guy... but... something was wrong. Very wrong. Don't tell anyone because it's kind of orthogonal to my personal brand and I have to stay on point, but I've listened to many, many Joe Rogan podcasts. And I'm a professional social scientist mind you, so if anything the Pinkman podcast should be more interesting and effective on me, relative to the average episode. But it was just so... "boring" is not even the word. Flat? Anachronistic? Bloodless? Zombieish? None of these quite convey it, but together they give some sense. The point is that, as a minor young academic but a relative connoisseur of the new media, for me something really significant in the machinery of intellectual experience was failing to fire, so much so that it was quite strange. I was surprised and confused. But now I think I understand it; it's everything I've said above.

The world that Pinkman seems to think he is in, is not the world we're actually living in now. The book will be successful economically of course, but it has no affective-identity constituency, other than people who are already socio-culturally neutralized or priced-in by the current equilibrium. It's hard to see how anything will move or shake from this type of project anymore. Most intellectual figures preach to a choir, of course, so Pinkman is no better or worse for that — but some choirs move and shake and generate novel ripples on world history, while others just sit there doing nothing other than precisely what was yesterday's world history. Some books and podcasts and youtube videos make people want to leave their friends and family to join a jihad, some give you strong confidence that a reality-TV star would make a great president, some give you the extraordinary realization that all of society is controlled by a white supremacist patriarchy; all of these lead to novel, unpredictable schisms and re-aggregations, new social formations and subcultures, which in their affective vitality bubble up, viralize or mutualize or enter into arms races, and end up producing system-level outcomes such as electoral victories, migrations, communicating-contagion shooting sprees, various contagious mental pathologies, as well as genuine self- and community-improvement dynamics, unequally distributed. There's nothing better or worse about the Enlightenment Is Cool niche; it's just that it's identity-affective character seems predicated on precisely what we've recently realized is already gone, as demonstrated by the whopping piece of incontrovertible evidence that was my personal lukewarm reception of Joe Rogan's podcast with Steven Pinkman.

You can say I should not generalize from my personal affective experiences, but my personal position seems like it'd be most conducive to liking and being affected by the Pinkman podcast! I'm not talking about the content of his book whatsoever, I'm talking about the reality he takes himself to be playing in. I don't think it's here anymore. First of all, the halo effect of prestige markers is weaker than ever I think. Once upon a time his prestige would have increased the excitement of listening to him. Today, much less. Second, all of the intellectual action today is coming from unique combinations of intellectual horsepower with identity alignments. Jordan Peterson is blowing up in part because he's a smart, credentialed intellectual with a message but specifically because he gives an image of admirable life for a certain type of person. It's not that JP lovers are now changing the world in a way Pinkman lovers will not, it's that JP's identity-affective alignment is not already priced in by the status quo from which Pinker's authority derives (JP tapped emotional needs not already being supplied, through new media, not prestige; hence the socio-political splash). Hell, Joe Rogan himself, who no Serious Intellectual would even call an intellectual, is making similar waves in the intellectual ecology because his basic intelligence and character combine with a certain affectively attractive performance of life that he offers to certain types of people. I could go on.

The problem for traditional public intellectuals on the Liberal Vocation model is that the image of life they herald is radically unavailable to most people so the aspirational inroad to affective alignment is close to nil; it's actually genuinely contemptible to many people (and this is getting worse as the very real racket-nature of much academia is becoming increasingly transparent; ironically the hard-science backlash against postmodernism might have unintended consequences in this regard); and the information they're able to share with the unwashed masses tends to be freely available anyway. Or worse, listeners/readers can usually find someone rehearsing the same information who also offers an identity-performance more affectively aligned with their own temperament and social position. So vanilla prestige intellectuals don't have a monopoly on the information, they no longer even have an advantage on trustworthiness given widespread mistrust toward most institutions, and they uniquely, sorely lack one of the biggest drivers of intellectual impact in the new ecology: affective-identity alignment with moving and shaking niche audiences. (Although note that, with the global internet, "niche" can very well mean several millions of people). To make matters even worse, their cultivated knack for walking the line of polite respectable "good taste" is actually a negative on the balance sheet of their social influence.

Here's another data point. I was struck by the nearly instant appearance of so many reviews and commentaries, almost all of which were ideologically colored. I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily, I just mean so many of the usual suspects were saying things to the effect you would expect them to say. And when most of those items would appear on my radar, my eyes would just glaze over. But think about the commentary that most struck me, and by "struck" I mean this combination of intellectual horsepower plus temperamentally conditional excitement. I'm talking about the post by RS Bakker that inspired this post (by the way I really wanted to just hammer out a quick 500-word thing, but this always happens, which is why I can't let myself sit down to "write a quick 500-word thing" very often). As I said, I read it quickly on the train, and at this point I don't even really remember what it said. All I know is that it had intelligent comments about Adorno and Nietzsche and their critiques of Enlightenment modernity. It was scientifically competent as far as I could tell, and then it had some kind of batshit scientific extensions I didn't really understand but which seemed promising maybe. It was only after I read the post that I wanted to see who this guy was, and from what I could grok apparently he writes fiction but also co-authored with someone in Nature? (!).

So just reflect on this for a moment. Prestige scientist I admire writes book about philosophical/political topics I am highly interested in, he does a podcast that has no effect on me, a million reviews from prestige outlets come out and I can't feel any reason to care about any of them, and it just so happens that the one item in the intellectual ecology that affected me (e.g. motivated novel production on my part), was maybe the one fiction writer in the world who has a publication in Nature writing something on his personal blog (and I didn't even know anything about him until after I read the piece). That's so strange... or rather, it would be strange if we were living even in the 1970s or even the 1990s, but it's not at all strange today. Of course there exists in the world some scientifically sophisticated blogger able to talk deeply about Adorno and Nietzsche, of course he has a blog, and of course it would find its way onto my radar. Of course it would strike me, and of course as a young academic myself right now I am more motivated to write long blog posts than do my institutional duties. Of course, this is the new reality. The real puzzle is how and why the respectable prestige dancehall of liberalism v1.0 is still populated with a good number of really smart people, when all of the music is clearly pumping out of a variegated, thousand-room warehouse of the less compromising... liberalism flatlining at degree zero.

[pansexual-potatoes]

Who is your hero?: I don’t have one.

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?: I’d become a woods witch, of sorts. I picture it as a cabin so deep in the woods you only find it if you’re lost. Me, my dog and Frank (if we’re theoretically still married) in a very cute cabin with a little mailbox that’s never used and a short walkway to nowhere in particular. I’d have foxglove and lupine up front, hosta and ferns in the shaded areas and a wooden fence around my garden. No driveway but I’d have a shed with a snowmobile, snowblower, and shovel for the winter and a four wheeler, and a tiny car for the summer. I’d have a fire pit for campfires, a hot tub and a pool. Attached to the back of the house would be a greenhouse with a dining area for warm weather. Despite my rural living, I’d get great cell service and excellent internet.

What is your biggest fear?: Losing the people I care about.

What is your favorite family vacation?: My family growing up didn’t do vacations but my husband and I do. I also do fun stuff with my best friend.

What would you change about yourself if you could?: My looks

What really makes you angry?: Disrespect

What motivates you to work hard?: I have bills to pay, and we need to eat.

What is your favorite thing about your career?: I enjoy the plants. I work in a commercial greenhouse and for most of the year the plants are really nice.

What is your biggest complaint about your job?: the pay and lack of needed benefits are big problems.

What is your proudest accomplishment? I’m still here.

What is your child's proudest accomplishment?: Bailey learned to lay down. So far he’s learned Sit, Shake and lay down. I think next we’ll teach him to stay.

What is your favorite book to read?: cookbooks, lol. I actually love reading but my eyes can’t do it much anymore.

What makes you laugh the most?: memes

What was the last movie you went to? What did you think? I don’t like movie theaters. I think the last movie I saw in one was the newest grinch movie and I thought it was a cute movie. I liked how they humanized him and brought his situation into scale.

What did you want to be when you were small? An oceanographer, then a marine biologist

What does your child want to be when he/she grows up? Bailey, I’m assuming, wants to be a smart, happy and curious doggo.

If you could choose to do anything for a day, what would it be? Mentally healthy

What is your favorite game or sport to watch and play? I don’t watch sports.

Would you rather ride a bike, ride a horse, or drive a car? Depends on what I’m doing. If I’m in hell being punished, then you’ll see me on a bike. Horses are nice for leisure. Car if I have errands to run or am busy.

What would you sing at Karaoke night?:

I’m not singing

What two radio stations do you listen to in the car the most?

I don’t listen to the radio. I have Amazon music

Which would you rather do: wash dishes, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom, or vacuum the house?

Any of those except the dishes.

If you could hire someone to help you, would it be with cleaning, cooking, or yard work?

Yard work. I don’t trust people that much except a very few people so cleaning is out of the question. I love cooking so wouldn’t need help there usually either. Yard work is impersonal enough where I’d feel more comfortable with someone doing that.

If you could only eat one meal for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Salad. Anything can be a salad if you try hard and believe in yourself

Who is your favorite author?

Anne Rice

Have you ever had a nickname? What is it?:

Not any that weren’t degrading

Do you like or dislike surprises? Why or why not?

Generally not a fan. I have anxiety and I don’t like being the center of attention.

In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read?

Any except visiting relatives.

Would you rather vacation in Hawaii or Alaska, and why?

Hawaii. The warmth and hiking would be incredible, the beaches pretty and the cold makes my body hurt.

Would you rather win the lottery or work at the perfect job? And why?

Hm. Win the lottery. It would allow me to help not just myself but others too.

Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island?

No one. If I’m stranded, I’m not going to make it. I don’t want someone else to go through that. I’ll just suffer alone, thanks.

If money was no object, what would you do all day?

Help people who are struggling.

If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?

2014.

How would your friends describe you?

According to them, I’m nice but straightforward.

What are your hobbies?

I like cooking, hiking, makeup, and relaxing

What is the best gift you have been given?

Companionship in all it’s forms.

What is the worst gift you have received?

Domino’s and a pack of socks to share with my brother (we had to share both). This was from my moms second husbands mom and we had to sit and watch our then step sister open a pile of gifts. We were kids, and my mom and her second husband had been married for a few years at that point so there was zero reason for us to be treated like that.

Aside from necessities, what one thing could you not go a day without?

Hope

List two pet peeves.

-Disrespect

-Laziness

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Hopefully further along with my mental health

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

3- 1 for home, 2 for work

If you were a super-hero, what powers would you have?

I’d want to be able to financially help people

What would you do if you won the lottery?

First, before I tell ANYONE, my house is getting paid off. Ditto for all our bills. Once all that’s done, then I’ll let Frank know. From there on we decide what we want to do together

What form of public transportation do you prefer? (air, boat, train, bus, car, etc.)

Train isn’t bad, neither is bus.

What's your favorite zoo animal?

Hippos.🥰

If you could go back in time to change one thing, what would it be?

If Frank and I could go back with the knowledge we have now we wouldn’t get licensed for foster care.

If you could share a meal with any 4 individuals, living or dead, who would they be?

My husband, my best friend, Nina, and Gerard Way

How many pillows do you sleep with?

2 when I’m awake, 1 once I fall asleep

What's the longest you've gone without sleep (and why)? Like 3 days. I was having a mental breakdown and ended up in the hospital.

What's the tallest building you've been to the top in?

No idea.

Would you rather trade intelligence for looks or looks for intelligence?

Depends on the ratio between what you lose versus what you gain.

How often do you buy clothes?

As needed.

Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Of course not

What's your favorite holiday?

Definitely Christmas

What's the most daring thing you've ever done?

I fought continuously for ownership of myself in a house where I was viewed as less important than furniture because I was female. I dressed as a boy, quit bathing and became as repulsive as I could so I wouldn’t be attractive to the men or women in my moms lifestyle.

What was the last thing you recorded on TV?

I don’t

What was the last book you read?

Working on a new one.

What's your favorite type of foreign food?

Love Asian foods I’ve tried

Are you a clean or messy person?

Messy, I guess.

Who would you want to play you in a movie of your life?

No one. I wouldn’t want people to see what I went through.

How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

About a half hour

What kitchen appliance do you use every day?

The Keurig

What's your favorite fast food chain?

I don’t like most of them, tbh. Maybe Subway?

What's your favorite family recipe?

My moms bread recipe

Do you love or hate rollercoasters?

As long as they’re not super tall I don’t mind them

What's your favorite family tradition?

The Christmas Poinsettia

What is your favorite childhood memory?

Probably meeting my best friend.

What's your favorite movie?

The nightmare before Christmas

How old were you when you learned Santa wasn't real? How did you find out?

I don’t remember.

Is your glass half full or half empty?

I’m just glad it has something to drink

What's the craziest thing you’ve done in the name of love?

I got married.

What three items would you take with you on a deserted island?

Food, water, and a boat to get me home.

What was your favorite subject in school?

Band.

What's the most unusual thing you've ever eaten?

Pets

Do you collect anything?

Dishes.

Is there anything you wished would come back into fashion?

Comfortable clothes. I’m going to wear them regardless but it would be nice to have a bigger selection to choose from

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Absolutely an introvert.

Which of the five senses would you say is your strongest?

Touch

Have you ever had a surprise party? (that was an actual surprise)

No and I’m fine with that.

Are you related or distantly related to anyone famous?

Not that I’m aware of.

What do you do to keep fit?

Lol.

Does your family have a “motto” – spoken or unspoken?

Nope.

If you were ruler of your own country what would be the first law you would introduce?

Baseline living guarantees

Who was your favorite teacher in school and why?

I didn’t really have a teacher I was close to.

What three things do you think of the most each day?

My family, my job, and my obligations

If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

Warning: Avoid asking questions you don’t want an honest answer for. All attempts at niceness will be tried but there is no guarantee of satisfaction.

What song would you say best sums you up?

I have no idea. There are many who describe parts of me but not one I can think of that describes me as a whole.

What celebrity would you like to meet at Starbucks for a cup of coffee?

Weird Al. He seems like a pretty chill guy who wouldn’t mind chatting with an average person.

What's the most interesting thing you can see out of your office or kitchen window?

My lilacs.

On a scale of 1-10 how funny would you say you are?

Like a 2

Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

Hopefully much further along with my mental health

What was your first job?

Picking pine cones out of this ladies yard.

If you could join any past or current music group which would you want to join?

None.

How many languages do you speak?

English and a lot of American Sign Language

Who is the most intelligent person you know?

My husband

If you had to describe yourself as an animal, which one would it be?

Probably a bear. I’m not super social, enjoy sleeping through the winter as much as possible, am selective in my social obligations,enjoy fish and berries, avoid people if possible

What is one thing you will never do again?

Drive a semi.

[archonreviews]

The Archon’s Review of SOULCALIBUR VI

SOULCALIBUR VI is the seventh installment of a venerable series of fighting games that started with Soul Edge. The series is created by BANDAI NAMCO Studios, more specifically by Project Soul. In the 16th century, rumors of a powerful sword, Soul Edge, have emerged. Many seek it, some to wield it in service to a greater cause, others in service to themselves. However, only a few know of the truth, that Soul Edge is an evil, soul-devouring blade that slays every wielder to comes into its possession. Fewer still know that Soul Edge has a twin, the spirit sword, Soul Calibur. In the midst of this turmoil, many warriors fight for good or evil, order or chaos, and future of the world and all its souls hangs in the balance...

While I was never very good at fighting games in general, I consider myself passing skilled in the specific arena of 3d fighters. I’ve played the shit out of Soulcalibur II, Soulcalibur III, and even Soulcalibur IV. When I heard that another one of these was coming out, I was rather quite pleased, especially since it’s out on Steam.

So, in case you haven’t heard, the Soul Calibur series is a tale of souls and swords, eternally retold. In this case, it really is a tale retold, as it is a soft reboot of Soul Calibur, which came after Soul Edge. What this really means is that we get the tragic backstories of certain characters as they were told in SC, plus the tragic backstories of other characters as they were told in SCII and SCIII, and some stories were changed entirely, just for funsies, as far as I can discern.

“But Archon,” I hear you ask, “this is a fighting game. Story would have been shunted faaar down the priorities list; why are you talking at length about it?” And to that I would ask you how you got into my house. But also, I would say that the Soul Calibur series has always put a whole heaping helping of plot and story in its titles, and that story is often... interesting, but not skillfully executed, leading to some... peculiarities.

I’ll start with the main story. They call it “Libra of the Soul”, and it’s called such because it uses a set of scales (or “Libra”) as a metaphor for their moral choice system. So you’d think that if they’re naming the main campaign after the moral choice system, then that system would be executed well. You would be wrong, sadly. Basically, what happens is that every so often, usually after a fight, you’ll be presented with a binary moral choice. Some of them make sense, such as “Steal this defeated bandit’s weapon, or tussle his hair and tell him not to do bad things anymore”. But the decision that sets the tone, the very first one, in fact, is completely bonkers. See, you’re in a dream sequence, and you’re presented with two swords, one golden and one azure. You’re told that the golden one represents freedom and the desire to forge your own fate, while the azure one represents a desire to impose order and harmony on an inherently chaotic world; you’re then asked to choose one. Naturally, because I am a red-blooded, eagle-fucking, burrito bowl-eating American patriot, I picked the golden sword, after which the game literally told me that I was “Aligned with the darkness.” Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that wanting to forge my own destiny made me a bastard! And there are plenty of other choices that the game boils down to either “good” or “evil”, despite being more complicated than that. Worse yet, the post-game content, as far as the morality goes, is literally just picking from those fucking swords over and over again. So why is it even here if it’s so poorly presented? Well, the only things of substance that seem to change if you’re good or evil is which of the two plot-important swords your character wields in certain cutscenes, and a particular line your character spouts after a post-plot optional fight. The game will tell you that certain optional fights are only available to characters who are either good or evil, but I don’t buy that, frankly. And certain weapons have an increased rate of scoring critical hits depending on your alignment, but realistically, you can just wield the one with the biggest average damage and you’ll be fine.

(This question about fate is the only moral choice in the game with a neutral option, and frankly, it isn’t even really a moral choice, in my humble opinion.)

While Libra is the story of your OC (more on that in a bit), the game also infuses the main cast with individual stories of their own. And it even does something quite revolutionary for fighting games: it creates a central canon and has the cast all tie their plots around it, so that you don’t have a case where theoretically one character’s ending is just as canon as another’s, unlike most fighting games I’ve played and seen. However, this creates a couple of glaring issues. First, it means that the main cast can’t be fighting each other all the time, because they’re all in different places and times. To solve this issue, a not-insignificant number of plot relevant fights are against total randos who contribute nothing to the story. This contributes to the second issue, that is to say that any character’s plot outside of the main canon feels tacked-on and unnecessary. Most of the characters don’t even interact with the main macguffins at all. In addition, many chapters are extended dialogues instead of fights, which seems extremely misguided seeing as how we are here for the fighting. One particular instance that really got my goat was the character Zasalamel, who’s entire plot is given via monologue, without a single fight. It honestly made me wonder what I was even there for.

(Now, when the game decides to go full cutscene, it’s pretty stunning)

So a fighting game has a poor plot; and in other news, bears remain Catholic. I bring attention to it, however, because SCVI just has a shitton of plot, more plot than is socially acceptable for a fighting game to have. This makes me wonder something. A thought, you see, crept into my brain pan as I traveled across the world map of Libra, stopping intermittently for plot-relevant fights and sidequests which I had little personal investment in. That thought being, “Would Project Soul be more comfortable just making RPG’s?” I mean, the Libra mode has all the trappings of an RPG: an expansive world map, random battles, tons of sidequests, weapon and item drops, a levelling system, and expansive scope, a binary moral choice system. And yet it was bound, or maybe cursed, to be a fighting game. So, Project Soul, if you guys happen to read this ever: Would you guys be more comfortable making RPG’s? Because I can’t speak for other people, but I would play the shit out of a Soul Calibur RPG. Just something to think about during the next company meeting when some bigwig from BANDAI NAMCO is droning on about how you’ve gotta make Sophitia twenty percent more “milfy” or how you’ve gotta make Siegfried sixty percent more emo.

So, lets veer away from plot and get more mechanical. I’ll start with the character creation; and let me just say that I’m actually more mixed on it now that I’ve had time to reflect. When you first create a character, the game gives you a list of fantasy races to choose from (my idea from when I was like, 13 years old, but go off I guess), and you can be as fat or as skinny as you want to be, and you can modulate your character’s voice to be however you want it to be. All in all, first impressions were good. However, I was disappointed to learn that you couldn’t be a female lizardperson. In fact, several races lack female options, which really irritated me, because I had an awesome idea for a lizardwoman character, but I couldn’t use the female clothing options to make that idea a reality, so I just had to use male clothing options and headcanon my own OC as a female, even though it said “Male” on her sheet. What chuffed me even more was the fact that you could have a female skeleton, skeletons being the one entity I could imagine skipping out on gender designations for. In addition, they still havn’t brought back the custom character styles from SCIII yet, nor have they allowed you to make your own, forcing you to use a pre-existing style, which, as has been stated before by better critics than I (notice me Yahtzee), is basically just crafting a custom model for an already existing character. This wouldn’t be a problem if they just brought back the custom styles from SCIII or let us create our own style in the vein of Mortal Kombat: Armageddon. However, the creator may be more robust than I give it credit for here; I did manage to make some characters that I thought were pretty awesome, and plenty of people have bent it toward the ever-noble goal of transplanting Pokemon into the Soul Calibur universe. Basically, if you want to create a fun and interesting-looking character, great. If you want to have a custom moveset, or if you wanna make a big-tittied lizard play a female lizardperson, so sorry.

(Seeing this screen actually brought me no small amount of joy.)

Now, what about the mechanics of play? Well, this is the reason I, despite all my earlier criticism, really like this game. The fighting is solid, each move having appropriate weight and impact. The controls are responsive and smooth, even at high graphical settings (online play notwithstanding). Guard impacting makes a triumphant return after its apparent disappearance in SCV, although, it seems like the timing on it is a little more lenient than in previous installments. Soul Charging is its own little cutscene and knock-back effect, instead of SCII, where I remember Soul Charging being a liability that no one used. There’s also this new thing called a Reversal Edge, where you and your opponent both press a button and the person who pressed the best button wins. Okay, it’s a little bit more complex than that, as when the two players tie, they do it again, except verticals win, except if both players did a vertical, in which case the instigator wins, so the whole process ends up being like speed Rock-Paper-Scissors with extra rules. People seem mixed on whether this is a welcome edition to the formula or if it’s pointless and dumb, but I personally like it. If nothing else, it’s flashy as fuck. The move list also seems slightly more simplistic, although that could just be down to me finding all my favorite moves early.

Now for small potatoes and nitpicks! They changed many of the voice actors since SCIV, although, since I didn’t play SCV, I wouldn’t know if these are recent changes. While I really didn’t dig most of the choices, I will admit that Siegfried’s VA was spot on, capturing a sort of perfect middle ground between tortured hero and lovable wangsty-man. I remember liking the old announcer more too, although I fully admit to having nostalgia goggles on for that.

The amount of objectification of women in this game is frankly intense, although, if you’ve ever seen the models for the characters of Ivy the dominatrix or Taki the ninja, that shouldn’t surprise you. What may surprise you is that clothing damage is back, which is weird, because while in SCIV, clothing damage had a purpose, as certain pieces of clothing informed certain stats, it doesn’t seem to serve any mechanical purpose here. However, it does mean that the men can get in on the sexualization action too. In fact, I’ll tell you all a little secret: Raphael, the fencer, has a move that can tear off all the clothes of any other character, leaving them in their skivvies. Step one: Soul charge. Step two: Use the Triple Botta In Tempo (forward+vertical, then vertical vertical vertical vertical...). If you’ve completed step one, and the enemy hasn’t blocked, Raphael will do this kind of Zorroesque maneuver and wham bam thank you mam, all your opponents’ clothes fall off. Do it on Mitsurugi the samurai and...

(Both of these characters are only based on the mentioned characters, but I hope it demonstrates my point. On the left, my Raphael-style character.)

One last point, and one that’s been made to death: the guest characters. While Geralt from The Witcher series made sense, being at least aesthetically consistent with the other characters, BANDAI NAMCO are apparently going to put in 2B from Nier: Automata, and frankly, that doesn’t make much sense to me, but I may very well be in the majority on this, so I won’t say too much more about it, since this gripe is even more subjective than usual.

To sum, would I recommend Soul Calibur VI? I would say so, if for no other reason than that the game mechanics are solid, and frankly, if I take the nostalgia goggles off, I have to admit that this one is the best Soul Calibur so far. In addition, this character creator is pretty robust, if you don’t mind not being able to do very specific things, such as making a big tittied lizard. While the unnecessary sexualization and weirdly grandiose story can bog things down for some, I’d still recommend it for the gameplay alone.

(No big tittied lizards, but Pokemon/Human hybrids are okay. Sure.)

[nightsnaps]

1-64!!!

alright, brendan. you’re the worst.

1. Do you ever doubt the existence of others than you? not really, although I do feel like they don’t exist when I am not physically with them aha

2. On a scale of 1-5, how afraid of the dark are you? 4. I hate it but I handle it lol

3. The person you would never want to meet? I don’t know that I have one . . . I dream of having scathing conversations with people I don’t like so even meeting them would be a plus bc I’m savage like that

4. What is your favorite word? debonair 

5. If you were a type of tree, what would you be? Maple

6. When you looked in the mirror this morning what was the first thing you thought? “yikes I look tired”

7. What shirt are you wearing? a red sweatshirt from Victoria, Canada

8. What do you label yourself as? a green-eyed ginger. idk what else to say. girl? straight? college student? northern californian?  

9. Bright room or dark room? bright

10. What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping

11. Favorite age you’ve been so far? 16

12. Who told you they loved you last? My mom bc she loves me lol

13. Your worst enemy? my own fear of not being accepted 

14. What is your current desktop picture? 

15. Do you like someone? surprisingly no! I have not been this free in a long time! 

16. The last song you listened to? what do I know? // ed sheeran

17. You can press a button that will make any one person explode. Who would you blow up? Hitler in his hay day 

18. Who would you really like to just punch in the face? Hitler in his hay day (I have been reading a ton about the holocaust this past weekend & I don’t have hatred for people but DAMN I hate that guy)

19. If anyone could be your slave for a day, who would it be and what would they have to do? matt bomer. he wouldn’t have to do anything but just look hot all over the place I guess. lol

20. What is your best physical attribute? my teeth or my eyes

21. If you were the opposite sex for one day, what would you look like and what would you do? I’d look like my buddy Wesley (we look like siblings anyway) & I’d probably try to ask a girl out so I could understand why it’s so difficult 

22. Do you have a secret talent? If yes, what is it? yes. I can flash memorize anything.

23. What is one unique thing you’re afraid of? small things. I hate them 

24. You can only have one kind of sandwich. Every sandwich ingredient known to humankind is at your disposal. This isn’t even a question, it’s a statement, but I’d have a peanut butter, banana, honey, & nutella sandwich. 

25. You just found $100! How are you going to spend it? theoretically I would save it but realistically I would spend it on clothes 

26. You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere in the world, but you have to leave immediately. Where are you going to go? Europe. specifically Italy. 

27. An angel appears out of Heaven and offers you a lifetime supply of the alcoholic beverage of your choice. “Be brand-specific” it says. Man! What are you gonna say about that? Even if you don’t drink booze there’s something you can figure out… so what’s it gonna be? Long Island Iced Tea. Forever. 

28. You discover a beautiful island upon which you may build your own society. You make the rules. What is the first rule you put into place? no clocks or timekeeping allowed. 

29. What is your favorite expletive? shit 

30. Your house is on fire, holy shit! You have just enough time to run in there and grab ONE inanimate object. Don’t worry, your loved ones and pets have already made it out safely. So what’s the one thing you’re going to save from that blazing inferno? my computer but I deeply resent this question lol

31. You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? dating my abusive ex 

32. You got kicked out of the country for being a time-traveling heathen who sleeps with celebrities and has super-powers. But check out this cool shit… you can move to anywhere else in the world! Ireland 

33. The Celestial Gates Of Beyond have opened, much to your surprise because you didn’t think such a thing existed. Death appears. As it turns out, Death is actually a pretty cool entity, and happens to be in a fantastic mood. Death offers to return the friend/family-member/person/etc. of your choice to the living world. Who will you bring back? my first dog Trooper

34. What was your last dream about? the holocaust

35. Are you a good….[insert anything you’d like here]? student! no! 

36. Have you ever been admitted to the hospital? yes

37. Have you ever built a snowman? yes

38. What is the color of your socks? no socks on rn 

39. What type of music do you like? country & classic rock & usually anything but screamo & rap

40. Do you prefer sunrises or sunsets? sunrises

41. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? mint or chocolate peanut butter 

42. What football team do you support? Atlanta Falcons 

43. Do you have any scars? yes. like so many

44. What do you want to be when you graduate? a teacher

45. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be? my lack of motivation lol

46. Are you reliable? if i like you or you’re my boss, yeah

47. If you could ask your future self one question, what would it be? Who do I marry?????

48. Do you hold grudges? no but I probably should bc I end up giving trashy people a million different chances 

49. If you could breed two animals together to defy the laws of nature, what new animal would you create? I don’t even know. Maybe a pegasus (eagle & horse)

50. What is the most unusual conversation you’ve ever had? some dude asked me over the weekend what my turn ons were & then told me I had nice legs so that was weird af 

51. Are you a good liar? yes when it’s on the fly. If it’s premeditated then it’s very obvious that I’m lying 

52. How long could you go without talking? my record is 14 seconds (jk I lasted like 2 days once when I was on a 48 hour isolation fast)

53. What has been you worst haircut/style? forehead bangs. Yikes. 

54. Have you ever baked your own cake? no

55. Can you do any accents other than your own? southern & british.. that’s about it 

56. What do you like on your toast? quince jam, peanut butter, or nutella & banana

57. What is the last thing you drew a picture of? probably an island scene. my classic. 

58. What would be you dream car? a burgundy Subaru Outback or Forrester. 

59. Do you sing in the shower? Or do anything unusual in the shower? Explain. I sometimes memorize scripture in the shower lol

60. Do you believe in aliens? no

61. Do you often read your horoscope? yes but not because I think it has any bearing on my actual life, just because it’s fun 

62. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet? K 

63. Which is cooler: dinosaurs or dragons? dragons. omg. 

64. What do you think about babies? they’re fine. I like them grown up to toddlers better though hahaha 

[introvertandrew]

Introvert Diaries

There is something about the timing. I heard myself say in a conversation with a good friend last night, that “although I find myself in a tough spot- I’m optimistic about still feeling I’m exactly where I need to be.” Which is odd- given the very fact that my hand is shaking with anxiety while writing this.

I’m around 70 thousand dollars in debt with 3 dollars in my bank account. I own a house (which is currently on the market to sell) and live with 3 roommates. (in- not my house) I quit the two jobs I had (server, social media manager) - thinking (rather confidently) “I’m in a HOT real estate market- and I’ll sell the house quick”, and then take a few months to do some “inner- self work” to figure out what my next move is going to be. Well, it hasn’t sold (it has been only roughly 30 days) and now it’s late October (a “buyers season”) and I find myself in a contract with a listing agent who I really don’t feel comfortable with, a mortgage AND rent payment, and no income. I’m pretty stubborn. And when the journey-within-the-journey started, of deciding to put work into the house and sell it, I told myself that I am not going back to serving tables, or frankly doing ANYTHING that I know I don’t want to be doing 5-10 years from now. (I would like to note that I have met some amazing people while serving, and this is no knock on those in the industry- it’s just a system that I am not happy in)

So along with the repetitious, anxious thought patterns of “my house will never sell”, “you’ve totally messed up”, “there is no way you can get out of this”, “you are stuck and will never get out of this”, “your family and friends would think you are crazy if they knew everything about your current position”, and so on, I’ve been making small strides into finding out what I truly value (as opposed to what society/peers tell me I should value). Further, I’ve been making a conscious effort to implement them into daily habits. I have realized “life” really lies in these “daily habits”. However, I feel the rather heavy weight of selling my house, and the anxiety from all the complex, false simulations I run in my head, trying to label and define my current situation, keeps me from devoting all my energy to crafting this lifestyle I am fighting for.

Now, I can admit that I am prone to the “this NEXT thing, will be THE thing to fix EVERYTHING” complex. I have done it with buying a truck, buying a laptop, buying a house, buying a nice camera, buying an IMAC. All situations in which I remember thinking, “this finally puts me in a position to “succeed” and be happy.” I am fully aware that selling my house, could be the next to fall into that category, although of course I feel “this one is different”.

My argument for why would be a reference to Maslows Hierarchy of Needs. At least my spin on it.  While I am currently not struggling to find a place to sleep, or without food for days- I still spend a tremendous amount of time and energy on worrying about possibly having to worry about them soon. (I am currently using up my last cash reserve pile) This leads me to feel that I am cheating myself on giving myself a real opportunity to use, divert and focus all my attention and energy on developing habits to implement all the things on my “simple list of things that make me happy”. Now I do understand that through my “choices” (I “choose” to use quotes because I do often times question free will) I have put myself in this position, so an argument stating “you deserve this and did this to yourself” would be valid. I just feel, maybe for the first time, that I am starting to separate my thoughts, with the thoughts that have been encouraged and automated by “society”. I use quotes here because I really do hate labels, and what I am trying to describe is a complex combination of environment and experiences and of thought algorithms that output my behavior, and in no way do I want to come across as “blaming society”.

But I feel I am on to something. And as much as I am sure (well I guess I assume) an outside view of my behavior and my situation would seem “red flaggy”, my argument would be, any outside view doesn’t have nearly as many valid data points as I do, being the experiencer of MY LIFE. This is not to say that peoples opinions and views on some things are always wrong, but often times they lack what I love to note in my arguments, valid data points. (Just an example of a shitty data point is, “something someone told you”, or your opinion based on “one experience”- when we all know that we all do stupid shit all the time and sometimes the only reason we choose to do that shitty thing is because we are hungry, and we would hate to be assessed by that one “data point”.) I’ll note I have a Masters degree in Educational Psychology and one of the major components of why I left the program was because as School Psychologists (especially ones in overpopulated school districts) we were to make “Assessments” on students and create these “data points” which were often times scores on stupid tests that cost a bunch of money or ratings on scales based on what I like to call a FANTASY- Theoretical Bell Curve - which looooooves to try to define averages and place children in boxes.   Next we had to take these numbers and make an absolutely influential decision on their lives regarding whether we slap a “label” of learning disability on them or not. While I understand that there are many wonderful wonderful people and School Psychologists out there making a tremendous difference, my experiences in my District, for a lack of a better word, disgusted me.

Anyway, so I feel in the past ( If I go back far enough, I can start to see these longer cyclic patterns of similar behaviors and decisions) I force myself into these situations, then just get another job I hate to stop the bleeding, which eventually leads to misery and resentment because of never fulfilling my desire to craft the life I want. So I am going to let myself continue to bleed, and force myself to come up with new solutions. I will do my best to continue to listen to what makes me happy. So far it’s drinking water and tea, going for walks, lots of reading/learning, writing my thoughts on paper, vegetables, reaching out to friends and making plans, yoga/breathing exercises, creative weight lifting, and some guitar playing. I do not like small talk one bit, but I love intimate, philosophical conversations about life and it’s many beauties and meanings. And as much as I hear myself say in conversations that “I hate people”, I actually love people. Often times I hate their actions or I really just hate -the projection of my worst qualities onto them. I would love to find a community of people I can find value and grow with, let’s go for a fun ride.

[chronoscasuals]

Sentinels of the Multiverse: Adelphophage’s archives (part 4: Shattered Timelines/Wrath of the Cosmos villain promos)

Welcome all to Chronos Casuals. I’m ChronosMysty and today I’ll go over the last of the villain promos and the gauntlet.

Deadline: Angel of Extinction

This new Deadline is very much similar to the old deadline, only with a few extra quirks. • His devices are harder to kill. • Catastrophes being destroyed while he is on his front side causes deadline to deal 2 non-villain AOE fire damage. • Severed Ley-lines accelerate the environment destruction but are also less detrimental to trash-based heroes. • H-scaling health Moving on.

The Dreamer

The first half of the Dreamer fight plays very similar. The second half, however, has a tempo-regulating system that “rewards” heroes doing well with more projections (which is technically good, since the goal is to chew through them as fast as possible) but lays off on the extra projections if you’re a little slow on the projection destroying. (Do note that you’re still better off destroying them fast if possible.) My only gripe was that I played a game where I ended up seeing pretty much all the projections in the first half and the second half was mostly spent revealing duds (not to mention that shuffling back in the duds only increases he probability of hitting duds in later reveals, at least theoretically). The 3 Violent Nightmares in the deck are there to help prevent these situations, so I don’t think I would recommend changing it to discard them, this was just an off situation. (Then again, old Dreamer could encounter very similar situations, so that’s just an inherent problem of the deck.) Only thing I could think of is maybe adding an end of turn ability or adding to the start of turn ability (either before or after), “If there are no projections in play, shuffle the villain trash into the villain deck” or even just the projections, but that’s quite a bit more to keep track of an unlikely payoff that I’m not sure it would be worth it.

Infinitor

There isn’t one for Infinitor. Honestly, base infinitor is in a pretty good spot (although ally infinitor is ridiculously easy except in challenge or ultimate mode).

Iron Legacy: Justice for All

Oh boy, Iron Legacy. out of the three most difficult bosses pre-vengeance, at least iron legacy was kind enough to kill you or die within like 10 minutes.

The first thing you’ll probably check is whether the end of turn effects do less damage, and the front one certainly does (the back one does more IIRC but now targets the highest HP unless playing on Advanced. It also heals 1 point less IIRC.)

The second thing you’ll check and notice and is that his H-scaling mechanic revolves around H-2 Ongoings: he starts with that many (rather than H), but you’re probably not going to get him to less than H-2 Ongoings. Overall, he still hits like a ton of bricks and not being able to clear out all his Ongoings makes him a persistent threat, but those two fewer Ongoings at the start really do make a huge difference in making him beatable.

Kaargra Warfang: Ruler of the Pit

Remember what I said about Iron Legacy making the game nice and quick? yeah, Kaargra Warfang didn’t play like that. I think I can say without exaggeration that old Kaargra Warfang has more bookkeeping than OblivAeon.

I’m guessing you probably can’t read the altered Crowd’s favor and Bloodsworn Coliseum, so I’ll just type out their texts, with my commentary in parantheses and italics. Bloodsworn Coliseum [Cards] This card, the Crowd’s favour card and Title cards are not considered hero, villain or environment cards. (And apparently, the Oxford comma isn’t considered a thing either.) This card and the Crowd’s favour card are indestructible. When a target is destroyed, destroy any Titles under it. When a title is destroyed, put it in the title discard pile. (You mean Title Trash?) When the Title Deck is empty, shuffle the title discard pile into it. [Titles] End of the villain turn: Move one Title next to this card under the highest HP gladiator. Destroy all other titles next to this card. Then play Title cards until there are 3 titles next to this card.

Crowd’s Favor [Hero Favour] Add two tokens to the hero favour pool when... • a villain target is destroyed • A title is moved under a hero target If there are ever 4xH tokens in the hero favour pool and Kaargra Warfang is on the “Ruler of the Pit” side, flip her. (And she will then proceed to require you to ignore the text on this card and make it almost irrelevant except when Fickle Fans happens.)

You may notice that ability to gain Titles only happens 3 at a time and the gladiators can get one of them that you didn’t win during the previous round. You may notice that the purpose of Crowd’s favor is to get kaargra to get off her chair and into the fray so that you can beat her down to win. You may notice a complete lack of referencing bloodsworn pool tokens among those two above cards and ask, "Are they still relevant?” The answer: yes. At the end of the villain turn, kaargra deals each hero x projectile damage, where X is the number of tokens in the bloodsworn favour pool divided by 4, rounded down, and then adds 2 tokens to that pool. You’ll also notice that she’s a target that’s immune to damage. that’s pretty much just to avoid her flipping prematurely. This does have some other interactions, but a safeguard on the back side helps stop it from being too relevant.

Overall, the play experience is much more enjoyable and feels decently beatable if you get a good set of titles early on.

Kismet: Twist of Fate

Old Kismet was a great idea done poorly - it’s clear she wants to keep the Talisman, but it’s so easy to take it away from her and use it against her that the fight just doesn’t go anywhere. Her unsubtle trickster promo is fascinating, but it still hinges on the idea of giving the heroes an extremely useful power and giving them the option to attack it and put it back to get it a few turnslater on a different hero. This idea is quite different from either of those. Here, Kismet builds up power with Jinxes and releases a (usually small) AOE attack every turn. An indestructible Lady Luck makes destroying her Ongoings very unreliable. The talisman acts as the kill switch, as using it will put back all her non-Lady Luck ongoings, trigger a rather large AOE, give her back the Talisman at full health. The game becomes managing a cycle of jinxes and AOEs vs the potential massive burst damage. Oh yeah, and for some reason, she is somewhat reliably unable to be hurt by large damage attacks.

The battle is an interesting and unique experience, albeit a little frustrating when you’re trying to destroy an Ongoing when Lady Luck says “nope”.

La Capitan: Paradoxical Pirate

La Capitan has always been a fiddly battle. This version helps a lot with this, but it doesn’t make it stable.

First thing to note is that the Timeship actually plays a very different role in this fight, with its actual abilities rarely ever used, instead mostly just being a marker for whether the back side can deal damage or not. Additionally, Raiding Party triggering the end of turn clause that flips her and skips all other ‘end of villain turn’ clauses ensures you don’t get overly swarmed.

Honestly, I don’t have much to say about this fight. I still don’t enjoy this villain, but it’s better than the official card.

Progeny: The Messenger

I always found Progeny boring, due to it basically being the same fight throughout with little variation. This variation helps a bit, but overall, I still find it boring.

To go over the differences: • There’s only at most 1 Scion out at a time, generally. This actually fits a lot more flavor-wise. • The end of turn effect deals two instances of H to the highest HP hero target rather than 2 AOE, making him much less susceptible to damage fluctuations. (1 DR still has its place, though, as a number of cards in the deck deal damage in chunks of 1.) • he now flips in the middle of the fight in a mechanic very similar to Dark Souls’ heat-up, gaining an additional ability based on the current Scion.

And, yeah, that’s about it. It’s also cool to note that his health is 20xH, which makes sense given how most of his damage is sort-of H-based, either directly or indirectly.

And rather than change each vengeance villain, why not just change the rules of vengeance style entirely? Here we go:

The Gauntlet

This is an alternative to regular Vengeance play, in which the basic idea is that you only fight H of them, but only two at a time and they both “share” a turn at the start of the turn order. Additionally, they’ll collectively play H-1 cards per turn, keeping the pressure up.

Honestly, at H=3, you might as well play a regular vengeance game, although I can still see the appeal of using this gauntlet format. H=4 is quite fun. H=5 is soul-crushingly difficult, watching a new villain step in completely refreshed while you’re getting battered.

Anyway, my plan is to next look into the unique decks I have played against in Adelphophage’s archives, but before that, I’ll be making one more post soon after this one. I’ll see you all next time, and remember, keep it casual!