#i think day 7 is around when i couldnt get any further last time i was playing (in 2021) and im around day 7 now and WAY better off

[endofbeginningarchive]

im going to actually finish a run of pathologic 2 this summer im going to finally discover what actually happens in that game

[asphalt-cocktail]

Congrats on your followers. If youre still accepting Sunday sins maybe a Roger Taylor one where he finds out that youve never cum through sex. He sees it as a challenge.

AAAHHHH I LOVE THIS TROUPE also I’ll be accepting asks as long as my ask box is open! Today is my last day of class so hopefully through out the week I’ll be able to answer them! Ugh I missed writing for roger

Warning: mentions of masturbation, sex, smut, do not interact if underage (you will be blocked)

Roger and Freddie gawked at you “what the hell do you mean you’ve never cum?” Fred asked you, his face plastered with shock.

You shifted awkwardly, “ i don’t know I just don’t think I ever have.”

“Not even when you... you know” roger said and his eyes glanced downward

“Nah not even when I jerk off myself.” Your face felt hot with embarrassment as the two men exposed your sad and disappointing sex life.

“I bet I could” roger said after a lull in silence.

“What?” You gaped at your friend.

“I said I bet I could make you cum.”

You shook your head in disbelief, “I don’t know rog”

“Come on we’ve been friends for what? 7 years now? We’ve seen eachither naked before I hardly think adding sex would make things awkward between us.” Roger did have a point and from what you could tell from living with him a girl never left displeased.

You glanced at Fred who had a devilish look in his eye like always. He gave you an encouraging head nod “I certainly don’t think I’ve heard any complaints about you roger.” He added trying to gas up his best friend

You let out a puff of air “fine. But i want it to happen naturally, you know? This isnt some sort of doctors appointment.”

And that was how it started.

Did you regret it? Almost.

Since that conversation the sexual tension between you and roger had become explosive and apparent to everyone in the room with the two of you. Today you were at a small dance bar sitting in a back table with the boys, roger had his arm lightly draped around your waist and was rubbing his fingers along the fabric of your shirt.

He trailed his fingers up the dip of your waist and back down do your thighs with the lightest of finger touches while he continued his conversation with Fred, Brian, and John about tour details. You hardly noticed when they began to trail over the swell of your thighs towards the heat between your legs until you suddenly stiffened and glanced at him from the corner of your eye.

Roger was paying you no mind at all. His hand caressed your inner thigh and his thumb slowly in bed closer and closer to the crotch of your jeans. A knot formed in your stomach and you held your breath, nervous for what his next bold move was.

To your disappointment he had pulled away and stood up “drinks anyone?” He asked shaking his empty beer bottle.

“Gin and tonic double” you said handing him your empty glass and letting out a frustrated sigh.

Roger took your glass and winked at you before heading off.

After that night thoughts of roger plagued your mind and kept you awake. What would he feel long in top of you? How did he kiss? What did he sound like?

Your imagination filled your wandering mind as you found yourself sticking a hand down your pants and rubbing circles around your clit. Still no orgasm.

As the week continued you met Fred at their apartment for a dinner party. By dinner party it typically included a lot of drinks and games and very little food.

The sun sank, the sky grew dark and the alcohol flowed in abundance which only caused your constant thinking about roger to increase. Your gaze found him every time he entered the room and followed him as he exited, each time he payed no attention to you.

Until you found him in the kitchen alone making a drink, “hey.” He casually greeted you while glancing over his shoulder.

“Hey.” You breathed out softly.

“So are you having fun?” Roger asked turning and leaning in the kitchen counter.

His gaze made your face heat up and your stomach clench. Suddenly it felt too hot for what you were wearing and his smug ass knew it. “Yeah, it’s great.” You said giving him a tight lipped smile before shifting towards him to make yourself your own drink. 

Roger turned slightly and looked at you, “You look nice.” He said and brushed his arm along your arm. You shivered feeling the cool touch of his hand on your hot shoulder. “Thanks, so do you.” you answered trying to hide how you clenched your thighs to give some sort of pressure between your legs.

A smirk lingered on Roger’s face before his eyes narrowed as he maintained his gaze with you, “Can I kiss you?” He asked standing closer to you.

Your breath caught in your throat and you swallowed thickly, “Yeah... Sure... yeah.” You said breathing out as his hand raised and cupped your face.

The kiss was languid and smooth and you could taste the vodka soda and cigarettes on his lips. As Roger deepened the kiss he pulled you closer by your waist and you whimpered at the close contact. 

Kissing him did nothing but fuel the fire already brewing in your belly. You clung to him for dear life and hoped he wouldn’t let go anytime soon. You ignore the ache in your back as the kitchen counter dug into your spine. Roger’s hand caressed the swell of your ass and thighs while his knee had found its place between your legs.

You ground down on it without shame and let out a shaky breath. Roger stilled your hips and pulled away, trailing kisses down your neck, “Not yet.” He whispered in your ear before nipping at the skin.

And with that, he left you in the kitchen alone.

As the week wore on you could have screamed with how much sexual frustration you were feeling. Your sleep was lacking and your mind was constantly racing with thoughts of one man. In fact you almost did scream when you got a message from Roger asking for you to come over and watch a movie with him. It made your blood boil. A movie? A fucking movie? 

You could hardly believe it but still found yourself packing up some snacks and beers before heading over to his apartment. 

The two of you sat on the couch as a movie played in the background and sexual tension crackled and popped in the air. Roger draped his arm over the back of the couch and you tried to sit a healthy distance away from him.

You couldnt help but glance over at him every few minutes in hopes that he would make a move and then finally his hand came to rest on your thigh. You casually shifted and spread them a bit, hoping that he would get the hint. 

Roger’s hand caressed your inner thigh, rubbing and kneading the soft skin. Before things escalated any further Roger had managed to scoot you to the corner of the couch.

You turned and looked at him, suddenly feeling hot, “Hey,” You breathed out.

“Hey.” He answered back with the same stupid smug smirk he always wore before he pressed his lips against yours.

Gripping a fist full of his shirt you pulled him closer to you before wrapping an arm around him and tangling one in his hair. The kiss was hot, hotter than the one you shared before in the kitchen. You could feel your insides shaking with arousal and let out and eager whimper as Roger moved to take your bottoms off. He slowly slid them down and wasted no time pulling your panties aside and swiping his finger up your folds.

He smirked against your lips, “You’re soaked for me, love.” He murmured against your mouth.

“Touch me more.” You whimpered and almost lost all self control as roger inserted a finger into you. He slowly pumped it in and out, curling his fingers and rubbing them against your soft walls.

You hummed and you felt your body relax, being fingered had never felt this good before. Your mind was hazy and lewd moans spilled from your lips as you felt his thumb circle your clit as his fingers continued to pump in and out of you at a rapid pace.

“Fuck,” You gasped feeling an unfamiliar feeling knotting in your stomach and you begin to panic as the sensitivity between your legs skyrocketed. Your walls twitched and you sobbed as Roger pulled his fingers away.

He shushed you and slid off the couch, kneeling between your legs with your knees on either side of his head, “It’s fine.” He cooed sliding your panties off.

You couldnt help but squirm with impatience as he settled between your legs and put himself in a comfortable position. 

Roger’s fingers slipped back inside you with ease and your hips bucked as he licked your clit, “Oh roger,” You sighed letting your head fall against the back of the couch while your hand found itself tangled in his soft locks. 

His tongue alternated between swirling and flicking your clit; soon you found that your hips could not stay still and the knot in your belly returned. “R-roger,” You said planting both hands on the couch feeling his tongue flatly lapping against you, “Rog.” You gasped and felt around for something to anchor yourself onto. 

The sensitivity began to build and it felt like a rubberband was stretching to its limit before it finally snapped. You felt a wave of pleasure wash over you in a huge wave, “Oh fucking christ,” You gasped and grabbed a fist full of Roger’s hair and held him in place as you ground down on his face. You sobbed out as he helped you ride through your orgasm and felt your legs shake.

When he finished there was a moment of silence, “I think I came, holy shit.” You breathed out and saw him standing up. Roger grabbed your hand and pulled you to your feet. Your legs felt weak but you stood and looked at him with confusion.

“We arent finished.” He grinned and pulled you down the hall to his bedroom.

[namfine]

◐ | 𝕬𝖛𝖆𝖗𝖎𝖙𝖎𝖆 : 𝕋𝕙𝕖 ℂ𝕣𝕠𝕤𝕤𝕣𝕠𝕒𝕕 | ◑

Greed is an uncontrolled longing for increase in the acquisition or use: of material gain; or social value, such as status, or power.

                                               - - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

Γ pairing: Jung Hoseok x Reader

Γ word count: 5.2k

Γ summary: When you’re in need of some quick, flashy jewelry for an event, what better place to go than a pawn shop? However when nothing catches your eye, the shop owner shows you something that you absolutely must have. But when the pricing is much more than you anticipated, you think of another way to get it. Just how far are you willing to go for a bargain?

Γ  tags: 18+, hoseok x reader, unprotected sex, oral (f), monster fucking kinda, sexual bribery(?) (if you couldnt tell, you fuck for the jewelry), he cums in you lmao, ripped panties, hair pulling, demon au, seven deadly sins au

Γ part: 3 of 7 of our Seven Deadly Sins Milestone Challenge.

⋫ Link to Master List here

Γ a/n: Welcome to part 3 of our seven deadly sins! Hope you guys aren’t too full from reading gluttony because now it’s time for a little greed. Things get a lil more freaky deaky in this chapter so I hope you all enjoy it! A new chapter will be released everyday so please look forward to the remaining sins! As always, thot on, sinners ;)

-Fizzy ԅ(♡﹃♡ԅ)

When you had first stepped into the pawn shop, you were immediately taken aback. You were so used to seeing the stereotypical dirty, everything out of place, type shops on tv that you were expecting it to be the same in person. However you were surprised to say the least, when the faint smell of sage drifted through your nose, and if you concentrated hard enough you could pick out scents of leather as well. 

You slowly walked through the shop, eyes flicking to and fro because everything seemed to catch your attention. From the organized shelves of books, to the clear, gold rimmed cases filled with trinkets, to even the perfectly stocked and alphabetized case of video games and dvd’s. However you walked right past all of those things and more to find the jewelry section.

Tonight you were attending a friend’s art gallery event and while you did have an outfit already picked out, you decided last minute you wanted to buy a new piece of jewelry to bring it all together, because let’s face it, those little pearl earrings were not going to cut it. So when you caught sight of a pawn shop you hadn’t seen before on your street, you decided you would probably find something extravagant but also cheap there. You were only going to wear it for one night after all. 

When reaching the front of the store, your eyes flick downward into the clear display full of various jewelry. There were pieces here and there that made your lips purse in consideration but nothing really jumped out at you. Walking towards the right while still looking down, your fingertips dragged across the glass, hoping that something would catch your eye. Too deep in thoughts, you didn’t notice someone calling out to you until your hand softly bumped into someone else’s on the other side of the display.

Your body jumped slightly and you pulled your hand away, an apology ready to come out but dying on your tongue once you looked up and saw who the hand belonged to. 

He was absolutely breathtaking, literally, when you looked up at him you swore you felt your breath get lodged in your throat. Your eyes landed on his gentle smile, causing his cheeks to round up into two perfect little circles, his warm eyes made an odd feeling spread throughout your chest- ‘is it a little hotter in here?’-, and his wavy black hair parted down the middle. He seemed ethereal, with his black blazer over the matching shirt and pants. On his ring finger was a bright topaz ring, a gold band surrounding it, the surface glittering softly in the harsh fluorescent lights. It was strange you thought, ‘He seems a little too overdressed for a pawn shop, no?’, his look making your eyebrows furrow slightly together.

He looked to be out of place, like a queen participating in a hot dog eating contest.

“Can I help you with anything?” He inquired softly, tilting his head to the side.

“Uh...,” You shook your head and cleared your throat, trying to gather your thoughts.

“Yeah, I’m looking for a piece of jewelry.” Your eyes glanced down and scanned over the items again. “I uh, have an event later on tonight and I’m trying to find something last minute.” You chuckled sheepishly, looking back up at the handsome man.

“Well what do you have in mind?”

“Not sure, I want it to bring my whole outfit together though.” You smiled thoughtfully, feeling your cheeks warm at the smile you were receiving back.

“What are you wearing? If I see the outfit, I can help you out some more.” So you pulled out your phone, scrolling through your photos to find the picture of the outfit you took a couple of days earlier. It was a simple little long sleeve, black dress, with a v in the back. Your simple heels and pearl earrings were enough to make you presentable, but you really wanted to present yourself.

The man studied it for a few seconds before nodding politely, gesturing to another display case further to your right. Upon reaching it, you noticed this one was filled more with necklaces with a few charms scattered about. While they were more intricate than the ones you were previously looking at, your heart wasn’t really pulling towards any of them.

“See anything you like?” There was something warm about his voice, that just made you feel calm. Which was strange, how could a stranger make you feel this way?

“I’m sorry, not really...these are all very nice though. Thank you anyway.” You glanced up at him, giving a short nod before starting to turn around.

“You know, I might have something for you.” The way he said it made you halt in your tracks. It came out as being helpful but there was something laced underneath it, something that made your body feel like it was being wrapped in chills. You turned back to him and cocked your head to the side, silently urging him to continue.

“Come, I have it in the back room.” He stepped off to the side and pulled open a little door for you. You knew it was odd, him inviting you to the back of the store. Why couldn’t he just go and grab it? Your questions continued to rack your brain, even as you began to walk behind the counter. And when you heard the click of the door locking into place, it was only then that you noticed you were the only person in the store. 

--

As you followed the man to the back, the hallway you were in seemed endless, your heart began to thump in your chest. Your gaze went upwards, the yellow lights above your head casting eerie glows throughout the hallway. You looked at the man's back, watching his shoulders move behind his jacket. Soon enough you couldn’t hear the music coming from the front of the shop anymore, the lights becoming nothing but a small dot. It had seemed you were walking forever but it was only now that you had lost sight of the front. A shadow on the wall caught your attention and as you looked at it, it went away. For a brief moment…

No that’s silly, the lights were just messing with your vision.

But…

For a quick second, it seemed like the shadow of the man had horns protruding from the top of his head.

You scoffed and shook your head, the thought being completely ridiculous. 

“Hm? Something funny, y/n?” He looked over his shoulder at you, an eyebrow raised in curiosity.

“Oh ah, I was just thinking about something. Nothing worth mentioning.” You replied, still mainly focused on the wall. He gave a sharp nod, a smile gracing his face before turning back towards the front. Inhaling deeply, you continued following the strange man, until finally, he pushed aside a curtain and you stepped into a room, the sight making your jaw drop in awe.

“This is where I keep my most prized possessions, too valuable for me to put out there for the world to see.” He murmured, delicately swiping his finger over the surface of something on a shelf. You couldn’t quite make out what it was, for something past him got your attention. You took a hesitant step forward, tilting your head to the side, trying to make sense of it.

A throne sat in the back of the room, the seat filled to the brim with gold coins, a few gems and jewels here and there. You could make out a bottle of wine lodged in the center of the pile, the black color popping out intensely against the bright colors of the gold. But upon closer inspection, you noticed there was an orange light, seeming to only shine on the bottle, making you realize that it was a dark red instead. On one of the arms, was a clear crystal skull, dazzling amethysts acting as eyes. As if your awe couldn’t get any bigger, on the top of the throne was a crown, far more extravagant than the ones you had seen previously. It was jewel encrusted all around, but instead of it being gold or silver, this one was stark black. One emerald stood in the middle while tiny versions of it ran around the rim and protruding from the top of it was a bright green snake, poised as if it was getting ready to strike.

The sound of a throat clearing snapped you out of your thoughts.

He chuckled, “Are you alright?”

“Y-yeah, sorry. This room is just wow, it’s amazing. I’ve never seen so many treasures in one room before.” You fingertips pressed to your lips, taking another moment to look around the room once more.

“This is the piece I wanted to show you.” You looked to the left to see him behind a glass counter. When you walked up to it, he had his hands spread out on the glass, giving you a small smirk. Your heart skipped a beat and you bit down on your lip, feeling that warmth go through your body once more. He glanced down and tapped at the glass with a fingernail, the noise making a sharp sound. When you glanced down, you felt a chill go down your spine. On the top of the glass his fingernail looked normal but in the reflection was a sharp black nail instead. Your eyes quickly looked over to his other nails to find them exactly the same; sharp and black. When you looked in the middle of where the reflection of his face should be, you had barely registered relief when you saw his eyes.

There was a sinister yellow glow, gleaming right at you. And if that weren’t frightening enough, the man smiled at you, two sharp canines peeking through. At that, your head snapped back up to look at him, but instead of what you saw in the glass, it was just his normal features. With wide eyes, you opened your mouth to say something but were cut off at once by him placing a yellow velvet box on top, the sound louder than necessary.

He opened the top and you were at a loss for words. The inside was a darker shade of yellow, a small mirror on the underside of the lid, and in the middle was a beautiful necklace. A thin silver chain adorned an oval blood red ruby, four thin, sharp prongs on each side, holding it. The lighting from above made them glimmer, causing a thought to run through your mind that they almost looked like claws. He pulled it out of the box and dangled it in front of his face, the gem swaying gently in front of him.

“That’s beautiful…” You murmured. Your throat felt parched all of a sudden, so you swallowed the ball of saliva forming in your mouth, but it did nothing to quench the growing thirst in your mind.

“How much?” You asked, taking a brief second to flick your gaze over to the man then back to the necklace. From your peripheral you could see a smirk grow on his face, his eyebrow raising up a little. The tip of his tongue peeked out to lick his lips and he leaned in closer to you. Yet, you still couldn’t take your eyes off the gem. 

“Well normally the things in this room aren’t for sale, they are for my viewing pleasure only.” He paused, taking in a breath. “But you seemed really desperate to find something so,” He paused again and that was when you finally looked away and at him, catching him eyeing you up and down slowly. When he reached your face, a sly grin appeared.

“$1,000.”

“$1,000? Are you fucking serious?” Your eyes bugged out at his answer and you couldn’t help the harsh tone. However it seemed that the man was unaffected, cocking his head to the side and swinging the necklace delicately. You didn’t know much about gemstones but you were certainly positive that it was an outrageous price, especially for something in a pawn shop. 

“I am actually being quite generous with the pricing y/n, normally this goes for much higher value.” His voice took a condescending ring and his eyebrows bunched together. Worry crossed your face, you really didn’t want to pay that much money for something you were only going to wear for tonight but on the other hand you needed this necklace. It was truly something you had never seen before.

You looked at the piece of jewelry once more, staring directly into the center of the ruby. You didn’t know if you were still reeling from hearing the price or if it was really happening but the middle of the gem seemed to be swirling, looking like a mini vortex. Anger flashed through your body and you had half a mind to just snatch it out of his hand and make a run for it. Your fingers twitched at the thought and it appeared that the man noticed, for he jerked his hand up and caught the ruby in his hand. His fingers clasped shut around it, completely obstructing it from your eyes.

“If you think you’ll be able to get away, you won’t. I’ll have you pinned down before your fingers even got to touch this necklace.” He hissed in a low voice and you didn’t miss the way your body shivered at his tone. You pressed your lips together and chose your next words carefully.

“This is a pawn shop isn’t it? Can we negotiate?” As soon as the last word left your mouth, you felt the tension in the room shift. He squinted at you and leaned in closer to your body, staring intensely into your eyes. You tried your best to not look away, your heart beginning to speed up at his close proximity. The corner of his mouth quirked up into a smirk, the action making your breath hiccup in your throat.

“Depends, what are you willing to give?” He muttered, now looking down at your lips. He didn’t even try to hide it, for his gaze lazily rose back up to your eyes. He was so close that you could see details on his face more clearly, like the mole on his top lip or the hint of yellow slowly whirling in the center of his eyes…

Your eyes widened at noticing it but before you could move away, he brushed his fingertips on the top of your hand. He put his other hand next to your faces, letting his fingers open to allow the necklace to drop. It swung before coming to a stop, the want and need of having it coursing through your mind once more.

You needed this, and you were going to get it one way or another.

You pressed forward, feeling just the barest of touches when your lips made contact with his. He didn’t move so you took that as your sign to continue. You closed your eyes, your lips now fully on his and moved against him, small flashes of yellow going off behind your eyelids. You heard the sound of something, the necklace you presumed, clatter against the glass top of the display. His hands gripped the side of your face, now kissing you back with more ferocity. A nip at your bottom lip caused you to gasp, and he took the opportunity to shove his tongue into your mouth.

You felt like your head was clouded, the lightheadedness making you dizzy. A moan slipped past you and your hands wandered up to grip his suit, the material oddly clearing up your mind, acting as a sort of grounding object to bring you back down. You attempted to jerk him towards you, wanting more of his touch, but he dropped one hand off your face and grabbed your wrists, throwing them off of his body. You stumbled a bit forward and smacked a hand on top of the glass to steady yourself, slightly breaking your kiss. You wasted no time in going back, hands going around his neck now, kissing with such hunger and need. 

The man used his free hand to knot itself in your hair, he tugged your head back and went to bite at your neck, his teeth making you gasp. Your hands dug into his hair and gave small tugs, your breathy moans urging him to bite harder. You needed more so you tightened your hold onto his hair and pulled him back up to your mouth. Surprisingly he allowed you to do so and when your lips locked, you raised a leg and pushed yourself up on the counter. He moved back to allow you more room, sliding your legs down on the other side and opening them to let him stand in between.

He grabbed your waist and brought you closer to himself, the feeling of his erection against you made a wave of pleasure go to your core. Your legs wrapped around his waist to lock him in and he grinded against you, squeezing your waist every couple of seconds. His hands slid down your thighs, fingernails digging into you. The subtle pain made you gasp against his mouth and you almost moaned out loud again when he pushed your legs apart, using one hand to guide you onto your back.

He reached up to unbutton your jeans and undo your zipper, yanking them down when he finished. He tossed them to the side and put his mouth right over your mound, moving his lips against your skin. Your legs went to lock around his head but he delivered a swift smack to the outside of your left thigh.

“Keep your legs open for me sweetheart.” He mumbled against you and dragged his tongue up your panties. You let out a low moan at the feeling, lightly tangling your hand in his black hair. He didn’t protest so you twirled a few pieces in between your fingers, the silky texture easily sliding between them. He hooked a finger into your panties and pulled them to the side, taking a quick swipe up your folds, the abrupt feeling of his tongue made your voice hitch and your hips to jerk upwards. His finger that was holding your panties, went to the center and you felt a sudden pull and the sound of material ripping. You lifted your head to see what had happened, but he suddenly pulled your folds apart and licked up once more.

“Fuck,” your voice squeaked out, head dropping back onto the glass. He dug in, tongue licking up and down your pussy, his nose nudging your clit every so often. Your legs trembled, wanting to lock around his head and you almost gave in until you felt two sharp points prodding at the inside of your folds. Your legs twitched at the feeling but you brushed it away when his tongue shoved into your hole. An obscene moan left your mouth and you tugged him impossibly closer to your cunt. You felt that same sharp point directly on your clit now, circling around it lightly.

Your pussy clenched around his tongue and it seemed to spur him on, the sharp point now pressing slightly harder on you. It only lasted a few seconds before his thumb replaced it, pressing harshly onto your clit and causing pleasure to travel throughout your body. It circled around you rapidly, his tongue now moving at what seemed like an impossible speed inside you. Soon that familiar tug pulled inside you and your hips rose upwards.

“Pl-please, I’m gonna-!” You didn’t even get to finish your sentence before your orgasm ripped through your body, your mouth open in a silent scream, your pussy spasming around his tongue. You came down from your high, your breath coming out ragged, and looked down at him. He smirked at you, your arousal glistening on his lips. His eyes looked faintly yellow in your hazy vision. You became slightly more aware that there were more points pricking into your thighs, dragging down. You were pulled up and into a kiss, tasting yourself, his hands going to your lower back. He let you go and grabbed a hand, pulling you off the counter. You allowed him to guide you and when you noticed him leading you towards the throne, you felt your already aching pussy clench.

He barely gave you time to settle before he turned you around and pushed you onto the pile of treasure in the center of the throne. You landed on your palms, feeling some coins slide from beneath your hands. You adjusted to resting on your forearms, the wine bottle directly in front of your face. Upon closer inspection of it, you could clearly make out that it was a dark rusty red color, with a faded label on the side. The glint of the crystal skull caught your attention to your left, but you didn’t have time to glance at it, for you felt your shirt being lifted up and over your head. Before you had a chance to settle, the back of your bra was pulled and you felt it give away. A hand went to your front and yanked it away from you, the coolness from the coins brushed against your breasts and nipples, instantly making them harden.

You heard the sound of clothes rustling and heard a muted thump. Giving a quick side glance, you saw his jacket on the floor. The sound of his belt buckle clinking and then it being thrown to the floor had your hole clench. He kicked your legs apart and rubbed his cock in between your folds, hands going to hold onto your waist. You shivered in anticipation, the combination of him spreading your arousal and the cold contrast of the coins made your mouth water.

“Are you ready for me, darling?” One of his hands left your waist to drag down your back, those sharp points you had been feeling making your spine arch up, you were enjoying them at this point. You gave a meek nod and soon he was stretching your walls, bottoming out in no time. Your fingers splayed out and dug into the pile of coins for support, feeling your breasts touch them when he began to move. 

He wasted no time in pounding into your cunt, the force of his hips making you moan out like a whore. One hand went to go fist in your hair, twisting it around his wrist for a more secure hold. “Look at you, such a greedy little thing. Such a greedy little whore for my cock..” You bit your lip at his words, your eyelids fluttering closed.

“Do you always fuck strangers for things you want? Are you that desperate for material things? You little slut.” Opening your eyes, you could see his reflection in the bottle, that one orange light highlighting the object perfectly. His form began to slowly shift before your eyes, and even though you were getting the fucking of a lifetime, you were still coherent enough for a wave of fear to travel through your body.

Maybe it was all the bright lights or you were still delirious from your powerful orgasm but soon enough you saw two pointed objects begin to protrude from his head, and a pair of wings slowly sprout from his back. Your chest quivered but yet you couldn’t bring yourself to scream, at least not out of fear. Panic mixed in with euphoria, the idea that you were here having sex with something not of this world oddly made your already sopping cunt, gush even more. When his wings softly flared out, you kept telling yourself you were just imagining it, and even when you felt something soft brush against the sides of your waist, a small part of you prayed that it was just because all of your senses were on overload.

The more you stared at the reflection, the tighter your body became. What was even happening right now, why are you still here? Why had you not pulled away and ran while you still had the chance? As you racked your brain for answers, there was a tiny voice that kept pushing through, telling you what you didn’t want to hear. That throughout all this, there was a familiarity from it all. That you had seen this before; the wings, horns, the aura of the creature. You briefly wondered if you were pulling it from an old horror movie you’d seen a while ago, but it didn’t sit right.

As if sensing the puzzle coming together in your head, several sharp pricks were dug into your waist- you quickly put two and two together with everything happening, and deduced that they were claws- you felt him pierce through your skin, the sudden pain making you gasp out loud. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the reflection, and the final nail went in when his eyes locked with yours. With a sinister grin, he blinked and two bright yellow eyes stared right into your soul.

With a cry of terror and pleasure, your orgasm came abruptly, your thighs shaking so uncontrollably that your forearms gave out, and you fell against the mountain of coins. You felt him slam into you a couple of more times before his cum filled you up to the brim, feeling it dribble down your legs after he pulled out. You laid there for a couple of seconds to catch your breath, and you were afraid to turn around and be face to face with whatever just gave you an orgasm of a lifetime. 

Gathering your bearings, you pushed up and silently counted to three, not bothering to hide the shock on your face when you saw him looking normal. No claws, no horns, no wings, no glowing yellow eyes…

He zipped his pants and picked his belt up from the floor, smiling at your expression. When you still hadn’t said anything, he picked up his jacket and folded it over his arm, heading towards the counter. You reached down for your shirt and bra, fumbling around trying to get them back on. When you finished you still had not said a word, silently going to the counter to reach for your pants that he was holding out to you. You put them on but still couldn’t shake off your feelings.

He chuckled softly at you and picked up the necklace, giving it a soft look before handing it to you. Wordlessly you took it, the cool metal feeling hot in your hands.

“Well, a bargain is a bargain. Sorry about your panties by the way. Are you alright?” He questioned with a laugh, moving a hand up to smooth down his hair. It didn’t even look out of place, completely untouched.

You brushed it off, still confused about everything “Um...I’m-I’m sorry I don’t know what came over me, I-” You stopped and swallowed, the realization that you just fucked a stranger for a necklace setting in. A flash of horror crossed your face, and you almost cried until he shook his head and gave you a small smile. 

“Don’t be, we all do crazy things when consumed with greed.” Even though there was a smile on his face, it barely did anything to ease your discomfort. 

“The necklace is yours, come, I’ll walk you outside.” He walked around the counter and nodded towards the front, silently following behind him. The walk to the front was shorter than you remember, the yellow lights you recalled being there, now just white. When you stepped out of the backroom, it was still bright outside, and there were still no people inside. It had felt like you spent hours back there.

When you walked out the door, you still felt uneasy. What exactly had you seen in the reflection of the wine bottle? Why was your need for the necklace so intense?

Something clicked in your mind and deciding that you wanted to leave with some sort of dignity, you turned around to ask him a question.

“I’m so sorry, but I just realized I didn’t get your name,” Heat spread across your cheeks but you continued. “I just got…overwhelmed.” You gave a sheepish smile and he smiled back at you.

“My name is Hoseok.” He grins and gives you a small bow.

“Thank you, Hoseok. For um, this.”

“You’re welcome, next time be careful what you bargain for when you want something.” His tone was playful but chideful, and you couldn’t help but give an exasperated laugh. You gave a politeful nod and turned around to head to your car.

“Goodbye y/n, have fun at your event tonight.”

You almost didn’t register what he said, until you did. You hadn’t told him your name. When you turned back to question him, your heart stopped in your chest when the pawn shop was no longer there. Instead it was just an empty, abandoned building. Deciding that you had enough and needed to get out of there, you sped to your car and drove as fast as you could to your house, wanting to get away as soon as possible.

--

Your nerves relaxed when you reached your house and got ready. The last thing you put on was the necklace, feeling the ruby flare against your skin. You fingered it gently, the memory of fucking Hoseok burned into your brain.

Once you arrived at your friends art event, you immediately fell into the chatter and hustle of everything. Friends were complimenting your outfit left and right, especially the necklace. You met up with your friend, giving her a congratulatory hug and kiss. You were so deep in conversation that you didn’t notice a mutual friend of yours staring at you, or more so your neck. You were about to question what was wrong until she pointed a finger at your neck.

“Y/n, sorry but do you shower with that necklace on?” You bunched your eyebrows together and your hand went up to clutch it.

“No, I just got this today. Why?”

Now your small group of friends were all staring at it, the stares making your face heat up.

“Your neck is turning green.”

You paused for a half second, then took out your phone to access the camera. Sure enough, there was a thin line of green on your skin. As you looked more at the necklace, you noticed small details of rust on the chain and the ruby that was shining so brightly before you left, was now dull and lifeless.

He had tricked you, he had given you a fake. 

[outrebanx]

Dragonfly - Chapter 7

JJ Maybank x female reader (series)

Summary: The final chapter!!! You spend the night with JJ at the beach after being stuck in your house for days

Word count: 1.5k (another short one oops - but it was too hot to think today so oh well)

Warnings: swearing(?), a little bit of smut at the end (sex in a public place), grammar mistakes probably

Chapters 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 

A/N: I was really struggling to write for this chapter but even though I don’t particularly like writing smut (its even worse than my normal writing lmao) it kinda felt like it fit at the end of this little series and I’ve drunk quite a bit of wine already today which makes it easier to write this stuff // But anyway thanks for reading this series, any nice comments/notes I’ve got have made me so happy and makes me feel like my writing isn’t as bad as I think it is 🥺💙 

It had been a few days since your accident from when you were surfing, and by the request of your dad, JJ and anyone else who knew, you were ‘taking it easy’. This meant you couldn’t really go anywhere or go back to work just yet - so you were bored out of your mind. Doing nothing was something you’d never enjoyed you like keeping yourself busy, whether it was working, being out on the water, walking - anything that kept you moving and busy was good in your books. But because of your concussion your dad had put you under house arrest, even with the numerous times you said you felt fine (which you did), your dad wouldn’t budge as he is a worrier so he didn’t listen.

JJ had only come to see you once since you got back from the hospital, not that it bothered you too much you knew he was working and hell it was nice not to see the worry in his eyes. But he had messaged you this morning saying he was taking you somewhere tonight so you were beyond excited, if not a little nervous - not knowing what he had in store for you.

To occupy yourself today (until you saw JJ), you’d started cleaning the house, but like normal when you did that it hadn’t lasted long as you’d found something to distract you. You were sat on the floor, legs crossed, going through a photo album of you, your dad and your mum when you were growing up. You had never really liked having your picture taken, so there were lots of photos of you making as many silly faces as possible, but they made you smile now, and there were a few where your dad had tickled you just as the picture was taken, causing a genuine smile on your lips, even if you were trying to escape his grip.

Looking at these photos made your heart a little fuller, you’d spent so long trying to not think too much about your mum, but you had decided that you wanted to embrace some of the memories, both good and bad, of your life before Outer Banks.

There was a knock on the door, you looked at the time realising you’d been going through photo albums for 2 hours somehow, and it was now evening, the light already fading outside.

You quickly ran to the door, opening it up to be met with the smiling face of JJ Maybank.

“Hey,” you said, pulling him into a hug.

He pulled away from the hug to look at you, “Hey yourself.”

You stayed like that for a few seconds, looking and admiring each other, before you broke the silence, “So what’s the plan for tonight then?”

He tapped his nose with his finger, “You’ll find out soon enough.”

You pouted, “I’m saying this now - if you murder me I will haunt you forever.”

“I would expect you to, but no need to worry it’s nothing like that.” He laughed.

“Good,” you opened the door for him to come in, “also I didn’t realise the time so you can come in whilst I get ready.”

“Wow and I thought I was the unorganised one.”

You stuck your middle finger up at him causing him to laugh as you headed to your room, him following closely behind you.

“Do I at least get a hint on where we’re going so I can pick my outfit?” You asked.

“I suppose,” he said from where he was already laying on your bed, “the beach - so I guess don’t wear clothes you don’t want getting sandy.”

You smiled at him before turning to look in your wardrobe, flicking through your summer dresses that look nice over a bikini. You settled on a light blue one with a small flower pattern and a white bikini, you quickly went into the bathroom to change, admiring how you looked in the mirror before returning back to your room.

JJ’s eyes widened when he saw you, “You look incredible Y/N.”

“Thank you,” you blushed, before grinning at him, “but I always do.”

He stood up from the bed, moving to embrace you, “Oh absolutely, I wanted to make a move as soon as I saw you but I thought you might not appreciate that.”

“Good call there,” you laughed, leaning in to kiss him.

Before your lips touched his he picked you up by you waist and threw you over his shoulder, making you squeal, and carried you out of your house and towards his bike.

You rode behind him for the journey, your hands around his waist and your face pressed into his shoulder, smiling the whole way there.

It didn’t take you long to get to the beach, and when you arrived JJ got off his motorcycle, took your hand and began leading you down onto the sand.

He turned to look at you, “Hey, close your eyes.”

“Why?”

“Please just do it.” You did as he said, closing your eyes, allowing JJ to lead you to an area on the beach, gripping his hand tightly in case you fell over.

You came to a stop, he squeezed your hand “Okay you can open them now.”

In front of you, illuminated by the moon, was a new board, a bright sea blue colour, just like JJ’s eyes, your heart fluttered, but he had as little money as you so you couldn’t accept his gift

“JJ you shouldn’t have bought me this.” You said, “I’ve got some money saved up and once I get back to work I can buy my own, you shouldn’t have spent your-“

He held his hand up, indicating for you to stop talking, “Stop stressing - I didn’t buy it Y/N so you can’t say no.”

“Oh God, did you steal it?”

He laughed, “Actually no, it’s one of my old boards - it’s obviously too small for me now, but when you broke yours I saw your face and I didn’t want you to have to spend loads of your savings, so I fixed it up a little and now it’s yours.”

There were some tears in your eyes at his caring gesture, “Really?”

“Really. Now do you like it?” He asked

You swung your arms over his shoulders, pulling him into a tight hug, “I love it!”

“And I love you.”

He froze, realising what he had revealed, “Ignore that please.”

You pulled away slightly, looking at his face, the slight panic in his eyes, “Nope, because even though I’ve known you for such a short time, I love you too JJ Maybank.”

JJ cups your chin in his hand, smiling, and presses a surprisingly gentle kiss to you lips. You fall into the kiss, both of you sinking to sit on the sandy beach.

JJ lifts you off the ground and into his lap, his arms wrapping around you tightly, pressing the breath from your body. He looks at you in question, asking you if you want to do this, you just nod and move your head to one side, exposing your neck.

He gently bites the skin of your throat, then kisses it, emitting a small moan from you. This noise only encourages him further, his rough hands move onto your hips as he continues making marks along your neck.

You felt him get hard underneath you, breathless, you lock your legs around his waist and squeeze, hands under his shirt and your fingernails tracing lines along his back causing him to gasp and clutch you tighter. He moves in for another kiss, your breathes mingling and tongues intertwining, both of you beginning to get impatient.

He takes off his shirt then raises his eyebrow at you, understanding what he wants you slowly take off your dress, revealing just your bikini underneath then move to unbutton his shorts. You both continued to take off some clothes until you were both naked, right by the sea and hoping no one else will show up on the beach even if the thought of getting caught excited you both a little.

His hands grip you by the waist, moving you on top of him, and he slowly begins rocking your body against his, the both of you moaning with every movement, the love you feel for each other making the night brighter.

Both you and JJ climaxed at the same time, as if you were one person, and rolling off of him, you lay side by side, holding hands and looking at the night sky. You had found someone you would love forever.

A/N: thanks again for reading!!!! and I’m going to drink more wine 🤙

Taglist: @jellyfishbeansontoast​ @tangledinsparkles​ @k-k0129​ @jjsbxtch​ @outerbankslove​ @obx-beach​ @emerald-xcd​  @danicarosaline​ @belledutchess​ @teamnick​ @justcallmesams​ @claryherondaleparker @hurricane-abigail​ 

strikethrough means i couldnt tag you :(

[scandeniall]

dream big baby

pairing:  Tōru Oikawa x reader

Where Oikawa is leaving soon and you spend your last few days together. Inspired by ‘My Wish’ by Rascal Flatts 

warnings: manga spoilers, profanity, the author’s note talks about some important things.

wc: 2060

7 days until takeoff

“How’s the packing going?” You eye the messy bedroom, from the doorway. It looks like a tornado has gone through it. Buried under the covers is a familiar brunette who looks like he’s doing the opposite of packing. Then you spot another man, sitting on a desk chair just playing on his phone. 

“Hey Iwaizumi, What’s Oikawa doing.” Your question causes a chuckle to erupt. “He said and I quote, fuck packing I’m napping.” You sigh stepping in and over the open suitcase that had clothes thrown on top and not actually folded. “He knows he’s moving halfway across the world in like a week right.” You shift your focus over to the lump in the bed, slightly shaking the man. “Tōru, c’mon wake up love. 

“I said I’d wake him up when you got here.” You nod, as Oikawa doesn’t even budge at your light shaking. “Did he even get anything done.” Your gaze follows Iwaizumi’s finger as it points to a single duffel bag. “Volleyball stuff.” You move out the way smirking as your friend aims a foam volleyball at Oikawa to wake him up. You won it on some carnival date, opting to give it to Oikawa as your way of displaying interest in his passions. The ball hits his back with a thump that causes the groggy setter to sit up. “Iwa, you said I could take a nap.”

“Yeah, until (Y/N) got here. Now it’s time to get off your ass so you can actually pack.” The mention of your name, caused Oikawa to turn towards your figure sitting on his bed. “Hey lovely,” you lean in to meet his waiting lips in a greeting. Once you pull away you stand up reaching for his hand. “C’mon. Me and Iwa are both here to help you.” The former ace sighs agreeing, not that he genuinely minded. “I’m gonna sell everything you leave here. How much do you think your old jersey will be worth.”

“Sell it or, sleep with it every night because you’re gonna miss me that much.”

“You can’t go to Argentina soon enough Shittykawa.”

5 days until take off

“Go Oikawa,” you cheer, watching the now graduated third years play a pickup game along with some of the underclassmen. You're sitting on the top of his car along with one of your friends. “Is he excited?” You release a content sigh before nodding. “He is. Tries to hide just how excited, but I see through it.” “Whew! Nice kill Iwa,” you shift your phone’s camera to the guys, panning over the park area. ‘Last game with the boys :(’. The two of you continue talking, occasionally yelling over at some other friends from their spots on their cars. As the boys take a break, you hand Oikawa his bottle of water. One you had gotten him over a year ago. Filled with random stickers that he frowned at when you first started putting them on the bottle. Now, he refuses to go out without it. “How are you guys getting your asses kicked this bad. You've only been out of school a month. Don’t tell me you boys lost it already”

“Kindaichi wasn’t that good at blocking a month ago,” Oikawa insists

“Maybe we could’ve gone to nationals if he was.” The tease from Hanamaki causes your group to laugh. Sure that reality was painful at the moment, but time heals wounds. Your presence around your quiet boyfriend was all that he needed. Just knowing you were there was enough. Despite the devastation, the stars ultimately aligned. Fresh graduates and now all of you are going your separate ways to pursue your own dreams.

“Hey let's take a picture. Just us old third years. For the memories,” you say hopping off the car and gathering around your friends and before calling one of the other boys over. “Hey Kindaichi, come take our picture.”

“Why are we taking it on your phone, I’m the one leaving first”

“Aw, Toru you're going to miss us. I’m touched,” The wipe of a fake tear is met with a scoff as your boyfriend’s arm pulls you towards him, his arm falling over your shoulder. The picture has Mattsun and Makki jokingly mocking the two of you, with Iwaizumi and your friend both in the center, acting as the only normal ones. It becomes Oikawa’s phone background. 

3 days until takeoff

Your eyes flutter shut at the night sky, inhaling the night air. It would be peaceful, had it not been for the bickering of your friends beside you.”Iwa I don’t know why you wouldn’t still love me if I were an alien.”

“Because you're a fucking alien idiot. Not human.”

“But what if I’m an alien disguised as a human. I can help bring humans and aliens together.”

You sit up at that comment, looking between the two, eyebrows raised. “So you want two species to hate you.” The two guys pause, looking at one another before bursting out in laughter. Their laughter causes you to laugh as well as you marvel at Oikawa.The moon reflects in his eyes, and his laugh is genuine. Its one that reaches his eyes, and it's a version of Oikawa that took you awhile to unearth.The one hidden behind the cocky comments, and condescending smiles. The one that cares deeply for his friends, and is actually kind of funny. “You're so mean to me (Y/N).” The way he reaches for your hand to intertwine your fingers shows that he's anything but serious. The three of you settle into a silence, focusing your attention on the night sky.

“Oi, Oikawa. Promise me something.” The two of you eye your friend, before nodding. “When you get to Argentina, don’t stop helping others alright. Keep pushing them to do their best.”

“Of course. I'm going to beat everyone after all.”

“Good. Now don’t fuck up out there.”

1 day until takeoff

“You know I love you right.” Fingers gently brush up and down your arm. You only look up, from your spot on Oikawa’s chest. “You’re not breaking up with me now that you're gonna go be some hot shot volley boy.” “Of course not. Just wanted to let you know.” You nod before returning the sentiment. The two of you had been cuddled up for the latter half of the day. After getting breakfast with a few of his friends, he invited you over to spend his last full night with.

There was a weird and indescribable feeling in the air. A tension due to not knowing what's next. He felt it, and you felt it. You wondered who would’ve been the first to crack, and it looks like it's you. “I’m proud of you Toru.” The hand that was trailing came to a stop as he sighed. “I’m gonna miss you a lot.” You tease about missing yourself to be met with a groan about trying to be serious. 

“What are we going to do (Y/N)?” You sit up so that the two of you are sitting side by side. “What do you mean? You're going to chase your dreams and I’ll be right here in your corner. Always.” The flicker of uncertainty in his eyes doesn’t go unnoticed causing you to reach for his hand. 

“Oikawa look at me.” The firmness of your voice even catches you off guard. You could tell by the smirk on his face that he had a fleeting thought of saying something dirty before choosing not to. “Stop worrying so much and focus on all though dreams you have locked away in that giant ego of yours-“

“Hey!”

“It’s time to close this door baby and open another one. Fortunately for you, me and even Iwa are coming through this door with you.” He nods as one of his hands rests on your cheek. You lean forward stopping right before your lips meet “Fortunately for me or fortunately for you two” At that a pillow against his head ends up being the only thing he meets. 

0 Days until takeoff

The somber drive causes you to sniffle. He’s really leaving you. No it’s no forever, and yes you had plans to visit in a few months but it’s not the same. Who’s going to call you up at 3 am to drag you to McDonalds because he’s hungry and a Iwaizumi blocks his number at night. Or motivates you to actually be productive by using his weird reverse psychology intimidation strategy. Or to force you to watch any alien movie that comes out, even the really bad low budget ones and talk shit about them with you. 

“I’m glad Iwa didn’t cry. I don't think I could've handled you both going soft on me.” His own tone is laced in sadness, his grip on the suitcase tighter than it usually would’ve been. Nonetheless you appreciate his attempt. “You’re a dick, you know that.” The two of you walk alongside the relatively empty airport. You were only slightly glad he had an early morning flight, because your exhaustion was one of the only things helping you keep your composure. You were too sleepy to really cry, at least right now. 

“You didn’t say that last night,” he sticks his own tongue out causing you to roll his eyes. “I can't believe you’re really going to Argentina idiot,” the words come out in a watery laugh before you can even stop them. “I’m so proud of you though.”

“Baby,” the sudden halt and your words are further interrupted by being pulled into a tight embrace. The slight dampness on your shoulder letting you know he had started tearing up too. The two of you stand there a few moments before he pulls away, a calmer look in his eyes. “If Iwa saw us right now he’d be disgusted. Now cheer up.” You laugh in agreement, leaning up for a kiss. 

“Before I forget, here” you hand him an envelope and he just looks, before taking it with a wave of his hand. “A love letter. What are you? A fan?” The tease is laced with adoration as he presses a kid against the crown of your hair. “It’s everything I couldnt think to say aloud shittykawa. Don’t open it up I leave though. It’s embarrassing,” you groan placing your hands on his chest. “How cute.” His lips come back down towards yours, this time more forceful. The hands that were hanging at his side now interlocked against your waist pulling you closer to him. All thoughts of the two of you being in some random airport hallway gone as your tongue finds its way into his mouth and you Before aware of his tightening grip on your waist. 

“A love letter. And a goodbye kiss like that. My lucky day huh,” Oikawa pants out, eyes shining. 

“Only because you're leaving,” you smile, breathing heavier as well. “Imagine when we see each other again in a few months.” His laugh causes you to smile even more. “That thought is the only thing going to get me through”

——

The text is the first thing you wake up. 

“I read your letter and I just wanted to tell you that I’m so fucking in love with you. I miss you already and I can't wait to hear your pretty voice. Hope you slept well (without me) and call me when you wake up. Love you”

-----

Dear Shittykawa,

First off I love you. I’m so proud of you for chasing your dreams. Never ever forget your pride because it’s your biggest weapon baby. Now I have a few wishes for you. I hope that life becomes all that you want it to. You may suck on the outside but you deserve it. I hope that Your dreams stay big, and  your worries stay small. Whenever you feel overwhelmed, call me or Iwa or your mom. I don’t care. Anytime of the day or night and I’ll be there. You never need to carry more than you can hold. Lastly I hope you know that someone (aka me) loves you more than all the stars in the sky. I want great things for you.  So while you’re busy doing great things. Remember that. See you in 4 months my love. 

-(Y/N)

A/N:  Ok hi guys this authors note is really just here to please ask you all to support black lives matter. Please keep up with the news because this time it’s different. They are continuing to kill us. Support your black friends. Check in on them mentally. Use your privilege to make a difference. Those pledges you keep seeing? SIGN THEM. DONATE if you can (but not to change/./com). EDUCATE yourself on what you can do. This is becoming a culmination of hundreds of years of hurt and oppression. In a better generational perspective: from Rodney King and the LA riots in the 90s to YESTERDAY where a black peaceful protester was shot and killed. 19 years old. Couldn't even legally buy a drink and theyre dead. We’re tired of dying. We’re tired of that thought in the back of our mind of “this could be me or my loved one. Just another hashtag” so please when all the major coverage of this stops don’t just brush this under the rug. Keep sharing smaller news coverage, tweets, etc. and lastly; please STOP with the “I’m glad I’m not in America” type of comments because i guarantee you. Your country is racist as hell too. It’s just not caught on camera and you as a non black person don’t notice it. If you choose to stay silent, you’ve picked your side. . Anyways if you read this thank you!

[minjoonalist]

Predilection | Chapter five

Pairing : Jikook x Reader [Feat. Taehyung]

Words: 1.8k

Genre: Angst, eventual Smut, fluff 

Warnings : explicit wording, characters under the influence, bad judgement, (I will make it clear that the characters in this chapter are definitely of age.)

Description: you want him, he wants you, but he also wants him, and him wants you- but him hurt you. So You hate him.

+++

Its somewhere around 7:00 am in the morning and amongst all your fellow early classmates waiting to board the trip’s bus, you find yourself spacing in and out of your own head. Your stomach in knots, eyes puffier than usual and although you’ve tried to calm yourself through an entire night of restless tossing and turning - you just couldn't shake the miserable feeling of dread.

“ Y/n...Y/N?!” There's a hand waving in your face catching your attention. Like a trance being broken, your best friend watches worriedly while your eyes seem to snap open in shock. Seeing him, makes the question ring in your head for the hundredth time, the very one you lied to. Whether or not you found your own body betraying your emotions for the boy you hated.

You kissed him back.

Jeon jungkook knew what it felt like to have your lips moving desperately against his in such an intimate fashion. Your lips permanently painted with the feel of his impressionable touch. The event, unfortunately, was still on your mind heavy, your thoughts consumed within the strange dilemma that you’d somehow gotten yourself into and to make it worse- you now truly had no one to really talk about it with.

“Did you...D-Did you sleep at all last night?” Taehyung stumbles in front you and it if it weren't for the devastating guilt running through you, you wouldn't have noticed the very clear and real suitcase coming by his side. Which reminded you of your suitcase...and that you were really going to be stuck with those two for an entire week...

Focusing, You try to swallow in your very dry mouth, your eyes blinking slowly to take on the equally as sleep deprived looking boy. His eyes a bit dark all around, hair disheveled, and there's an alarming aura around him that you couldnt say you were used to.

Was he nervous?

“Me? Tae you look like you want to get hit by a train.” you retort yawning in exhaustion “something Tells me I'm not the only one who didn't dream of pillows and sheep”. Letting your bag down from your shoulder, you wince from your tense muscles screaming in agony and a sigh could be heard from him.

“Excuse you, but I did get some sleep- at least that was before you came panicking at my door.” he denounces while creating an evil glare.

“ we only talked for an hour, don't blame your obvious insomnia for yoongi on me” you spit back and while taehyung was too busy dropping his mouth to the floor, the scarce amount of your classmates had begun to fill in including your professor.

By then, the sun was beginning to rise even further in the sky and by the looks of all the tired faces surrounding you, you could tell it was almost time to depart on the trip - aka hell. Your nerves suddenly getting the better of you, you slowly start to sink further into the troubling mess of your emotions and just as you were beginning to realize how surreal your situation was, your eyes catch a notable figure in the distance.

Silver hair shining within the powerful breeze, as a ringed hand comes up to help keep it at bay. He struts up towards the surrounding crowd of students, catching multiple glances of onlookers, but whether or not he acknowledges them through his square rimmed shades, it remains a mystery. A black leathered luggage by his side, Jimin stops his stride just a few feet away from you and tae, however his focus remains on the phone held within his other hand.

“Oh great! The ballerina's here.” taehyung cheers sarcastically, meanwhile every fiber within your body was stilled from how aware you were of his presence. Okay...so this was still just a bit harder than you’d thought it would be...you think while taking a deep breath. As much as you wanted to pretend you felt absolutely nothing for the male hovering by the both of you, you couldn't deny the quickened pace within your chest when he suddenly snaps his head in your direction.

Your gaze quickly goes elsewhere.

“Tae I don't know if I can do this...” you swallow, a hard lump coming into your throat. You think you’re going to be sick…

“Do what?” Taehyung frowns, A deep crease in his brow from your confession, however it disappears once he puts its together himself. Both of his brows now shooting up towards his hairline “You're not thinking of Failing this course are you? Y/n we’ve talked about this, you're going to be fine. I’ve told you, you can stay the night with me and yoongi if you don't want to be on your own.”.

And just like that, You cast your gaze downwards, a feeling of hopelessness washing over. You suddenly find your feet a bit too interesting “ I- I don't know…I think this might be too much Tae. I know you w-want to be alone with yoongi and I...well I’d pretty much just be cock blocking you. Plus, I just don't know if I can handle being with them the way it is-” you stutter shakily.

Stepping closer, Taehyung pulls you into an abrupt warm hug, bringing you closer until your head was resting comfortably on his firm chest “ Hey, Hey- no matter what, I’ll be glad to have you around anytime. Besides, it’s pretty bold of you to assume I wouldn’t be pounding into min yoongi, because you're in the next room- I couldn’t care less if you watched.” he pulls back to look you in your eyes, a clear look of doting support across his features.

Meanwhile you scrunch your face up in disgust “I think I’d rather hear them before I hear you- at least I won't really be able to visualize their faces.”

Tae stares at you blankly before he lifts a brow “...You’re telling me, you wouldnt want to watch me fuck someone else...me? The unbelievably hot best friend who had you shirtless the first time we met?”

You cringe again “ You seriously have to stop talking about that night...I would like to not remember getting my heart broken and then having even my current best friend reject me.” you move to step away from him and more towards the slowly growing crowd. You never liked talking about the night you met Taehyung, because in all honestly- it was probably the worst night of your life. Unfortunately, it also happened to be the night jimin and jungkook had first debuted as couple and on top of that- you really dont want to venture back into a territory where sex was possible between the both of you.

Getting closer towards the others, you feel taehyung easily catching up with your walking figure. His arm comes naturally around your shoulder like always before he speaks “ Well of course I rejected you, you were completely heartbroken like an adorable sad puppy.”

“Wow this conversation just keeps getting better and better....By the way this is doing wonders for my confidence, just thought you should know.” you mutter sarcastically while trying to shove his arm off of your shoulder. He doesnt move it, instead catching on to the hurt hidden behind your sarcasm. He then uses his arm to stop you, the pressure of it keeping you from walking any further.

He rolls his eyes “Wait, because I don't think you understand. The reason I stopped wasn't because you were just some sad random girl. Well- actually yes it was, but it was also because…” he huffs “ You were also really sweet and innocent, you didnt deserve some asshole who was going to fuck you senseless and then disappear the next day. So I stopped and when you broke down then cried, I held you, remember?” he tries to put on a smile that opposes your bitter pout.

As much as you hated to admit it, Everything he’d just said was true. Taehyung did stop that night and you knew that, because you remembered that night vividly.

The both of you bursting through some random bedroom door for privacy.

Only moments ago you’d just seen your best friend and your crush making out in back the of a graduation party together and when you confronted Jungkook about it, he’d acted as if he had no idea what you were talking about. Angry, you stormed off, tears collecting your eyes and you made your way over towards the snack table to down an entire cup of vodka.

Moments later, A firm hand suddenly sliding it’s way onto your back that makes you turn to look at the culprit. Enters Taehyung. Dark hair, boxy smile, but red sultry eyes drinking in your poor body as he pulls you closer towards him “ You look like you could use some fun, want to go upstairs?” he would breathe slowly into your ear.

You remembered sliding your eyes back towards the raven haired boy that just so happened to be watching you and Taehyung like a hawk from across the room. Your eyes just barely being able to find him through the sea of people, An emotion swirling dangerously behind them.

In a time like this, Jungkook would already be there ready to save you when needed. But with the combination of anger, the vodka, and a growing euphoria of feeling Taehyung’s hands roaming all over your waist, you were certain you wouldn't need it.

Which brings you back towards the private room. Taehyung locks the door behind him, reaching for you to slam his mouth onto yours. The kiss is sloppy, aggressive and you were loving every second of it. His teeth nipping and pulling at your delicate lips before he’s lifting you up into his arms. A soft yelp leaves your mouth and he chuckles arrogantly into the kiss while walking the both of you further in. In a flash, he has you landing on top of the small room’s bed, his own body coming to hover above yours and you relish in the feel of his hips sliding between your legs.

As if a chill comes by, you suddenly shudder under him. The heated make-out warming you up enough to definitely have your panties soaked, but for some reason...you felt cold. Taehyung continues unknown to this, laying wet kisses from your mouth and down towards your neck. His own drunken lust, blinding him from the way your arms were desperately hugging him closer to feel any kind of warmth.

It wasn't until he suddenly sat up from you. His hands reaching for the hem of your shirt to pull it above your head and have you falling down onto your back. He takes a moment to look at your half naked torso, a look of appreciation washing over his eyes as he rakes them further up to stare at you.

He-

Why were there tears in your eyes?

+++

Chapter Five | Next Chapter | Masterlist

Taglist: @rkivemagic @peterrogers15 @sessi03 @brokencrownqueen @cainami @icedoutmywristtitanic @kawaiimusiccollection @toddsgirl27

[smallblueandloud]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, and 7 for the writing ask- I AM SO SORRY I COULDNT STOP!!! xoxo

aaaah these questions look SO GOOD thank you so much <3 <3 for this ask meme, which will be open all weekend!

1. tell us about your current project(s)  – what’s it about, how’s progress, what do you love most about it?

i pulled open all of my WIP google docs for this and my laptop started whirring ominously, lmao. this is going to be a Little Long but i love talking about my wips so who cares!! (under the cut because EXCERPTS)

guys and dolls but gay - very, very casual rewrite of guys and dolls if sky masterson was a woman. i’m loving how chill i’m being about this one because it’s so much fun to not have to worry how i’m going to write lyrics in a not-weird way and just focus on the story. this one’s first because it’s theoretically closest to being finished.

sky, laughing: “oh? people. all the people you turn down every day. well, i imagine there’s someone out there that’ll catch your eye.”

sarah, stiffening: “...yes, there will be.”

sky: “and what might this person be like?”

sarah: “he will not be a gambler, for one.”

sky does not miss the pointed pronoun. “i’m not interested in what he won’t be, i’m interested in what he will be.” she sits down on the desk, in a pointedly masculine pose, and sets her fedora next to her - at her most Hot Queer, basically. “how will you know when he gets to you?”

my fic for the aos rarepair fic exchange - i can’t give any plot or ship details, for obvious reasons, but it’s 1.3k and i’m having fun with it!

steven roadtrip of destiny - canon divergent fic set at the end of steven universe future where steven goes on a roadtrip instead of... canon. it deals with some heavy emotions and it’s also a character study so it’s tentatively shelved until i get around to rewatching suf. but i am projecting on steven like crazy and it’s really, really cathartic. it’s taught me a lot about myself too lmao.

He’s never been anonymous before. He kind of likes it. It means he can fold his arms on the table and put his head down without Pearl worrying about his posture, or someone asking him if something’s okay.

In the last few months, he’s grown to hate people asking him how he’s doing, or if he’s okay. He always ends up lying, because he doesn’t want to worry them, and he ends up feeling worse.

Probably because it’s more of him supporting other people without supporting himself.

He should have told someone how he was feeling. He should have reached out. Sadie could’ve helped him. Lars would’ve listened. Connie would have hugged him and then found him the appropriate mental health professional.

(God, Steven wants a hug. Also the appropriate mental health professional? Whoever that would be.)

untitled aos fic - i don’t want to give a lot of details because :eye emoji: and also i don’t know much about what the plot of this is going to be anyway, lmao. but here’s an excerpt:

daisy “that actor who doesn’t shut up about data harvesting” johnson (@daisyquake) tweeted: two weeks :eyes emoji:

Elena Rodriguez | Seven Cents S2 Streaming On Netflix Now! (@yoyorodriguez) retweeted and added: the problem with being friends with daisy is that you SHOULD have some insight into what her tweets mean but you still have no idea

Fitz (@justfitz) retweeted and added: Try being married to her

untitled star wars twins fic - because i am a total and massive nerd. i’m just kind of stuffing everything i have feels about from the post-anh era into this and planning on figuring it out later? i’m really loving talking about the culture of alderaan (and the culture of the survivors) and also i just love writing luke and leia’s relationship... so much......

(no excerpt for that one because i’ve basically posted all of it in various posts lmao)

aos ds9 au - i’ve posted a LOT about this already and i want to keep the plot a surprise but fsk is in this and married and half the cast is aliens, what else do you need in life.

“Good morning,” says Jemma, coming into the room with her hair wet and her uniform crooked. “Hello, darling.”

“Hi,” says Daisy, turning her face up for a kiss. Jemma obliges absently as she walks past, looking around the room.

“Has anyone seen my hair clip?”

“No,” say Fitz and Daisy in unison.

and of course, last but never least in my heart, chapter 3 of the magnum opus - writing this is on hold until my brain decides to stop hitting me over the head at every possible moment, but there’s like... 2k written so far? it’s. it’s going.

“Yeah, yeah,” says Coulson, and makes quick work of the right gauntlet. It’s only halfway through the left one that his fingers slow and he says, quietly, “Simmons designed these, didn’t she?”

She lets out a quick breath. “Yeah.”

He stays quiet for a few more seconds, finishing up the last of the straps, making sure they’re tight enough. Finally, he says, “She should be helping you with these.”

Daisy pulls her arms back and swallows down some words, or maybe a couple of feelings, or maybe a sob. “Yeah, well.”

2. tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

the last sentence of the magnum opus!!!!!!!!!!

no, lmao, i’m gonna try to be serious. i really, really want to write some librarians fic in the near future? also MORE OF THE SENSE8 AU. i’m DYING to write some stuff about that. especially sam’s cluster, for some reason? Let’s Make Him Suffer (Comedically)! one day i’m gonna finish that list of what cluster/situation each song is about and then it’ll be over for all of us!

3. what is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

i spent about eight months imagining a scene where riza hawkeye was really injured and mustang was holding her in his arms (basically the promised day scene but with more privacy) so does that count?

hmm, just for some other possibilities: glinda telling dorothy about elphaba, laura somehow seeing or speaking to natasha during catws, a good omens au of the good place (specifically the ”i don’t even like you!” / “you doooooooo” scene), kencyrath au of star wars (ESPECIALLY THIS ONE, except setting up the first scene alone would take 7k, but i want to talk about leia and luke and their MESSED UP TRUST ISSUES in this au).

oh, also, something about star trek tng where jean-luc and beverly and jack were in love and then jack died and picard left. more specifically a scene set during the pilot episode where jean-luc very cordially offers beverly the option to transfer off the enterprise, that he wouldn’t dream of holding it against her, and beverly very cordially telling jean-luc to go fuck himself. i want to write 30k of that broken triad. i want it so bad. i dream of that fic. maybe one day when i find myself with a completely empty month or two, i’ll binge all of tng and Write Some Stuff.

4. share a sentence or paragraph from your writing that you’re really proud of (explain why, if you like)

since you and i have tww in common, i’m gonna do a tww fic! otherwise i’d have to reread literally every fic i’ve ever written, lmao.

(this is long but i put this post under the cut so i have RIGHTS. also consider this a sneak peek for the j/d fic in the sense8 au?)

“It’s okay,” says Helen. She sits for a moment in silence, seeming thoughtful. “The Congressman and I are in the same cluster,” she says eventually. “I’d- I supposed that’s easier on the Secret Service?”

“Yes,” says Donna. “The-”

She stops herself from saying anything further. President Bartlet and the First Lady aren’t exactly quiet about who’s in their cluster, especially with senior staff, but that doesn’t mean she should go talking about it in an unsecured room in LA, of all places.

To cover for her blunder, she gives up something else: “The same with Josh. They got really lucky with him, actually. It’s just him and me, so they won’t have to worry about anyone threatening the Chief of Staff through the barista in the local Starbucks.”

Helen looks up from the Ohio numbers she’d drifted back to, a slow smile creeping up on her face. “Josh is in your cluster?”

“Uh-” says Donna, feeling like national security wasn’t worth whatever she’s just blundered into. Oops. “Josh- Josh is my cluster, ma’am.”

She catches her mistake the second it’s out of her mouth, but Helen doesn’t call her on it, more focused on other revelations. “No wonder you two look at each other the way you do!” she says, sounding delighted. Donna shuts her eyes, praying for this to go away. It’s not that she’s ashamed of Josh - it’s just so, so complicated, and other people never think about how difficult it was. Still is.

i’m just... i really liked the idea of donna fumbling and having to reveal this to cover up for what else she was going to say? i don’t know why i’m so charmed by this. i think it’s because it would be impossible in the show - you can’t show what someone was going to say on television, not without a lot of setup and very careful scripting. it’s just a really fun situation to write about and i’m really proud of this conversation in general.

also helen santos was a dream to write and i love her a lot. i kind of want to write one of the fics in the series about her and her cluster solely because like... look at her. she’s a delight in literally every scene. i love her.

5. what character that you’re writing do you most identify with?

daisy johnson!!! i love writing daisy johnson!!!! she is the most adhd character i’ve ever written and i literally just have to transcribe my own inner monologue and it works perfectly!!!!!

Swing shift: 1600 hours to 2400 hours. Daisy always ends up getting back to her quarters at like 0030 hours, when Jemma is asleep and Fitz is reading some kind of technical journal. Then she has to eat replicated pizza, alone, and freshly replicated pizza is actually pretty hot but it feels cold at that time of night, like, spiritually.

6. what character do you have the most fun writing?

...whoops i literally just answered that lmao. uh. i also really love writing sky masterson in the guys and dolls fic? she’s just weaponized hot queerness in a suit and i love her for it. she is intentionally trying to seduce this repressed lesbian and it’s really funny and also really hot of her and it’s so much fun to write.

also, i wrote chidi for the tgp fic and it was possibly the most fun i’ve ever had with a pov, although that was also because i was purposefully trying to mimic the tone of the show. i still think that line about michael and a grenade is, like, the funniest i have ever been in my life. but chidi’s panic was surprisingly easy to write? all of tgp’s characters have such STRONG voices, it makes writing fic ridiculously easy as long as you don’t get stuck on a plot for six months.

7. what do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? would others agree?

oof, this one is ALWAYS tricky. uh? uhh?? i’m going to ruin everything by saying this but i basically alternate between the same two sentence structures and i am really frustrated about it. i also alternate between the same two styles of endings and i always use the same beginning (set scene, main character pov, thoughts-as-exposition, back to scene).

BUT ON A MORE POSITIVE NOTE i like to talk about emotions and relationships and character development!! i have my “queer subtext goggles” superglued to my face, lmao. i like to think about how characters must have felt about things in canon and how it must’ve influenced them. i like making people deal with the consequences of their actions, especially how it’s influenced they themself. i also just really, really like writing people who love each other, whether it’s romantic or platonic or anything in between. i just want them to be happy! i just want them to stick together! doesn’t matter what fandom, i stand by it.

[paintmearainbow]

What Is Love ?

Love.

Love means different things to different people. Some people say love is making your partner happy and seeing them happy makes you happy . But love, is actually a figment of our imaginations. In a way, love is selfish and makes us lose our independence. You make the other person happy to keep yourself happy, and you become dependent and vulnerable. It's a somewhat like a shared dream. And until one person decides to wakeup, and that dream, albeit fun while it lasted, becomes a living nightmare

1 YEAR AGO

For Harry and y/n; sneaking out of premiers and award shows,buying tacos and eating them at 3 AM was love. For them, love was dancing in the kitchen to Elvis and baking with each other. Love was watching horror movies in makeshift tents, snacking on caramel popcorns and cans of soda; all while making fun of Harry's "those dumb bitches" in the movie. Love was falling asleep in each others arms and reading each other books. It was dressing up as Disney characters and acting out scenes from their favourite animations. It was etheral, perfect. Almost too perfect too be true

People always said "Love will fizzle out. One of you will get bored." Harry and y/n didn't listen. They burned so fast, so bright and didn't realise that their spark too, like all blazed and sparks from lighted matches, had extinguished. One second it was burning so brightly, and the next, it was gone

..............................................................................................

"When was the last time you spoke to him ?" asked y/n's sister.

" A week ago" a distraught y/n replied. "He barely has time to even talk to me on the phone, let alone show me the sights and explore the places with him via facetime"

For a brief moment, she allowed herself to close her eyes and all the memories flashed through her eyes, like a movie roll, playing over and over agai

FLASHBACK

"Y/N !" exclaimed Harry, the golden flecks in his eyes dancing with joy. Oh how she longed to see him, feel him and be with him in real life , rather than on a screen. Yet she was eternally grateful for Harry for never making her feel left out from the tour experience, he always made sure to show her around, even if it was only on a screen, while giving tour guide commentary in a horribly fake American accent.

"You're in for a treat ! We're going to see the Louvre today. Come on an enjoy the sited with Harry's Tour Experiences"

Y/n couldn't stop laughing.

Being an art fanatic, she giving Harry detailed descriptions of the art, while all he did was turn it inti a joke. His put on accent stood out when he kept saying " Oh shucks ! Here's another painting of a few women and men fighting and eating." He termed an entire style of art; renaissance art as "men and women barely dressed fighting and eating". He made a few sly comments on how y/n would look lovely in that dress. It was so wonderful and each of these virtual trips was marked with his signature end. Going to a park, and eating the same food.

His laughter was contagious and y/n loved it. She wondered how she got so lucky, so blessed to have hazza in her life.

She never thought that this love, would eventually fizzle.

end of flashback

Now she was lucky if he spoke to her for 5 minutes. Even those 5 minutes were filled with her talking and him showing least interest in what she had to say. She doubted whether he even listened.

Today, however was a low blow. It was y/n' bday. had it been any other year. Harry would've made this day perfect. They had been together since they were 18. The first year, he bought her 18 gifts on her birthday. The subsequent year, he got her 19 and so on. He would make her breakfast in bed and wake her up with showers of kisses and a "Good Morning, Happy Birthday Darling."

Today however, at 7 PM , she was yet to have him acknowledge that it was her birthday. She was yet to have any sign of news from him at all. She illusioned herself, thinking that maybe he had interviews to attend.

Her sister, however, tired with y/n's moping, said" You're coming over with your friends to Club 22 this night or else I wont speak to you. I don't want you to spend your birthday moping around"

With great difficulty, y/n was persuaded by her friends to go clubbing. The loud music, the drinks and the dim lights were never y/n's scene. Yet, for the sake of her friends, she fixed up a smile on her face and tried to enjoy, trying her best to forget than Harry's call still hadn't come.

.......

It was 10 PM and the party was in full swing. y/n's friends were drunk, so drunk. Everyone around her was laughing, drinking and joking. Meanwhile, a new disturbing thought had settled in y/n's head. What if he got into and accident ? What if he's really sick ? She was ridden with anxiety and couldn't get Harry off her mind, until that one fateful message from Nezza, her best friend, Harry's PA, through whom they had met, sent her that message. When y/n's phone lit up and she scarmbled to see the text, hoping it was Harry, she did not know it would change her life permanently.

The text was simple. "I'm so so sorry honey; you deserve to know" It was attached with a single file of pictures.

She subconciously knew what had happened. She had seen all the signs, yet chose to ignore them, not wanting to get up from her dream. The reduced duration of phone calls ultimately leading up to a call a month, the regular excuses, coming home late, half hearted kisses, they all added up. For a split second, y/n wanted to think that it was something else; maybe harry was too drunk or had passed out in a bar.

The message to forever to download. It was so slow and painfully excruciating. It was like the calm before the storm. The slow before the fast. The light drizzle before the thunderstorm. When the picture finally loaded; her heart shattered ever so fast. The pain she felt was numbing, yet somewhere in her mind, she was gald that Harry was safe.

There was Harry, his arm around the small waist of the redhead, his fingers entwined in hers. The same fingers which ran through y/n's hair multiple times, were now woven in another's hand. She thought her heart couldnt break more.

Fate was not kind to y/n.

She swiped to see the next picture, and she wasn't sure how, or whether it was even possible, but her heart further broke. Harry was kissing her in the booth, their booth, in Alessandro's the place he had her first date with y/n.

Fate had evil plans for y/n.

Tears streaming down her face, the makeup for the night ruined, y/n looked around for her sister and friends but they were nowhere to be seen. The only thing glowing right now was her glitzy dress, the one she had been forced into. Unable to take it anymore, she ordered an uber and left.

Fate wasn't kind to y/n at all

The minute she left the club, she was blinded with lights, the flashes from the camera, and the shouts from the reporters

" How do you feel about Harry cheating on you on tour ?"

"Did you expect this ? How do you react to Harry kissing a supermodel, younger than you!"

Y/n wanted to scream, but keeping her emotions in she pushed through the sea of people, got into her uber, gave her address and broke down.

She cried and cried. The uber driver tried to ask her what was wrong but she couldn't stop crying. she wanted the pain to go away. she wanted to cry. But most of all, she wanted Harry to tell her that it wasn't true and hold her in his arms and tell her it's alright.

But it wasn't. it wasn't alright. Far from it.

The next morning after an extremly broken sleep, y/n awoke. All the event's from last night wre remembered and her eyes started to water again. She switched on her phone to see the hashtag #y/ndeservesbetter and #harryandy/nareover trending. She also so 100 missed calls, voicemails and texts from Harry but chose to ignore them.

Y/n was raised to be strong. She spent most of childhood see her mom struggle to make meets end. She had seen the worst. She was strong. She went over to the mirror and saw her reflection and realised that she looked a mess. She took 3 deep breaths, washed her face, and masked her emotions, just as she did way back in high school, before she met Harry, before he changed her.

She went down and suddenly the apartment door opened. There stood the man who she loved, the man who had broken her heart, the one who still held her heart, no matter how broken it was.

He pleaded with her to forgive him. He begged, cried, said it was a one time mistake, and he regretted it, that he loved her; but y/n turned a deaf ear to his pleas. Their love had fizzled out, and she was blinded by affection not to realise it earlier. And as the saying goes " Once a cheater, always a cheater." Y/n wasn't taking any more risks. She put on a strong facade, made up her mind and left, leaving a crying Harry on the porch.

She wasn't over him, far from it. She was so broken, yet showed no signs. She had calm expresssion, yet her thoughts were chaotic. But she knew what was best and she knew this was the right thing to do. She had to take the lessons from this experience and move on, just like her mother had taught her. Dreams end, no matter how amazing it is, no matter how much you want to hold on and live it, and this, her perfect dream, had also come to an end.

So, what is love ?

A dream ? A nightmare ? Soemthing too good to be true?

Maybe all it is, is an illusion. A fairytale. Or maybe it is the truth, because truth teaches us lessons and so does love. i guess it's one of those things which just has no answers.

author's note

AND THATS A WRAP. I DO NOT CONDONE CHEATING. it's something which definitely shouldnt be forgive . this the first ever imagine I've posted on my new tumblr. Please send feedback. Hope you enjoyed it. Reblog. What are your thoughts? i would love to hear them. Send requests for more imagines.

i should be studying but eh.

keep dreaming

ashu.

(here's a random B99 gif for no reason)

[clownbeep]

This is gonna be kinda brutal. But I want to put it into writing

Big vent/whats been going on

Hah... I guess this is like my life story or some shit...

Trigger warning ahead.. Depression and a bit of gore/suicide talk so if you are sensitive to that please, for your own sake and mental state you might not want to continue.

For those who dont want to hear a pretty dark vent, I understand.

And those who are just scrolling by feel free to scroll past. I just personally want to get this out.

If you have dealt with emotional neglect/abuse and need to know it isnt in your head this might be the post.

By writing this it feels like hopefully someone else will read this and realise certain things are NOT healthy.

If you are questioning if you are being emotionally neglected/abused (im speaking in a parental sense but even romantically or sexually) im not someone to give you answers, but the fact you are questioning it raises some red flags. In a healthy relationship you dont wonder those things.

Sorry for the long prelude but heres what I wanted to say

.

.

.

.

.

.

Ever since I was young, ive had bad ADHD, manic bipolar/depression, and sensory issues.

I was diagnosed around 13 I believe. My family (I didnt realise it then) always showed pity. Like I was some wild animal that couldnt be tamed and there was nothing they could do. Id do and say stupid attention seeking things just to try and get a shred of empathy.

My family didnt care.

When I was in the hospital for a suicide attempt regaurding pills and my liver had a chance of failing.. None of my family members cried over me. But a family friend. Someone not. Even. Related. Wept over me.

My family didnt care.

I cant say they never cared. They give me food water and luxuries like internet and a phone. For that I am grateful.

But in many other ways they have hurt me faar more than helped.

Once I got out of a short term stay in an inpatient mental facility I desperately needed contact with anyone who would care for me.

I have a younger sister, quite young probably around 7 at the time. She was a close friend of mine for that time. Id hang out with her so often to fill the gap in love it felt my family didnt give. One day I walked into the dining room and overheard my mother and father talking to my little sister. They told her to keep away because I wasnt "stable" because I was "dangerous" and could give her bad Ideas. And with one single action my only friend at the time and way to find happiness was taken away.

My family did not care.

When I stay in bed every day for months on end not knowing which day ill snap and end it all.... I get called lazy.

My family did not care

When I beg for medication to make me a functional human being they brush me off for years on end. Im losing my grip. I can barely remember things that have happened last week because I try so hard to forget everything its my automatic response to everything.

When I cant get to sleep because all of the memories come flooding back and im hit by wave after wave of horrific memories and the feeling if worthlessness... When I cant watch any videos or read posts about families because it brings on unwanted memories and emotions....

Is it me being dramatic then?

When you hear your family openly mocking and laughing about how stupid and dramatic and fake trans people are... How weird and unnatural and mentally insane these people are not knowing they are the very reason grsm and trans suicides are so high...

Am I a liar now? Am I insane?

When I tried to talk to them about my mental health issues. They took my only way of contact and made me feel like it was my own fault.

My family didnt care.

When I was nearly passed out shaking in a bathtub covered in wounds and blood all over... They showed pity, then lectured me for an hour for not telling them or for being impulsive and basically cleaned my wounds and sent me into my room.

My family didnt care.

Yes. I do agree, they cleaned my wounds, the physical side of showing care. However emotionally they were not there.

When my father drinks so heavilly every day he is home from work that he forgets half the things he tells you and can barely function.. They lecture my older sister for having a glass of wine (legal age)

They did not care.

My sister (23) tried for so many years to cling to what little attention she would get by getting good grades and going to college... She realised that it changed nothing about how my family felt toward her.... She snapped.

My family did not care.

She starves herself for a disease she does not have, she uses religion as an exuse to be one of the biggest christian extremists I personally know. Half the days she doesnt eat... Other days she burns book and gets rid of items for being demonic.

My lovely sister used to be kind and quite normal. However she couldnt find comfort in what little live her family gave. Starved for care she turned to religion to un unhealthy degree. Finding any way to keep her mind busy. Now I worry she will end up in the hospital for weighing so little.

My family did not care.

My oldest sister (27) Is married to a continuously cheating husband who she keeps letting back into her life. She was raised with a failing marrige and doesnt seem to see when she should call it quits.

Not to mention her husband has touched someone legally under the age of concent. Did she report him to the authorities? No.

All of these horrific things stemming from bad parenting. Unhealthy relationships and neglect.

Neglect emotionally can cause just as bad things as physical neglect. They are both horrifically dangerous in different ways.

These are the only big things I can remember... Basically age 15 and below are a complete blur to me and I cant remember much of it without thinking for a looong time. Even then I cant remember a lot of it... I feel like ive lost my whole damn childhood. And it hurts more than if they had just hit me or physically harmed me.

Im not underplaying physically harm. But in my personaly opinion I would rather my family have beaten me badly because at least then id have an easier way to prove to people how severe the abuse was. You can see bruises and confirm broken bones... But years of feeling completely useless and being shut off from most of the world other than the internet... It fucks you up in a way I dont think can be healed.

I dont know if I can ever love myself or... Remember things. Its terrifying to think Ill post this and a few weeks later probably not even rememner unless its brought up. Or meeting people and having conversations... And they are just... Gone.

Gone.

I suppose the biggest reason im writing this is well... In the future I dont want to forget in some ways.. I want like to be 100× as awesome knowing itll start as soon as im out of here..

If I dont have anything to compare it too then what is the point?

Ive layed out basically most of what I remember

A large amount of time I look around and nothing registers... Everything is familiar but I cant remember anything for a moment or two.. I feel like my memory is slipping so fast and im terrified.. I cant do anything to stop it and I cant make my mood be stable without the medication my family cant be bothered to get ...

I suppose this is a bit of a vent. I know its kind of everywhere and unorganized..

If im honest.. Tumblr is the only place where people have given me a home I wish I had..

I came out as trans here... Everyone was so damn supportive.. I didnt say anything but I cried hard and the kindness.. It was amazing.. It was such a jarring difference to how I feel when I say anything in real life.

Ive met friends here and ive had some much fun here. If youve stuck around this far thank you so much.. If you didnt I dont blame you.

I just wanted to share what has been flashing in my head these past few days.. It hurts a lot and ive even considered suicide recently..

Im trying hard. As hard as I can.. I have no escape though.

I cannot leave home. I cannot escape. Im not being dramatic.

I

CANT

LEAVE

And its terrifying because I know without medication or at least being somewhere AWAY from family.... I feel like im going to break soon.

I dont want to do anything stupid.. But some days I cant think straight and do things that harm myself and its not good. Its not okay. Im aware that I need help but I have no idea where to go/turn.. I have no ID or drivers liscence.. I have no transportation to and from a job to get money so I can leave... I live in the middle of nowhere.... I just..

I dont want to lose touch. I dont want to do anything bad.. I want to be functional.. I want to do more than eat and sleep my life away because I have nothing else to do..

Im so damn sick and tired of this all.. And at times I really do feel like there is only one way out.

Its always there and I just feel like one of these days im gonna be pushed over the edge and not be thinking clearly enough to stop it.

Im thinking semi clearly right now which is my im posting this.. Because im afraid and alone.

I have nowhere to go irl I have no friends Irl i just have tumblr and media and thats it. I dont expect anyone to be able to help I just wanted to write this so anyone knows what happens if I leave media..

If I tell my family my issues they will blow me off again for the 11th time or so (not exaggerated)

And if I do something to get sent to the hospital and get the help I need the cycle will continue with them being pissed and me getting sent home in a month or less anly for my family relationships to get worse..

Im spiraling fuether and further and I cant keep up the facade of being fine. I need help. And i have no way to get it. Ive just been suffering for years...

Sitting around and doing nothing but using your phone or drawing or whatever sound fun in theory... But if thats all youve been able to do for years with little to no real life social contact its gonna mess with your head... I dont want to be a shut in... I just

I dont know what to do.

Im sorry for rambling. I will most likely delete this later feeling embarrassed I posted this...

Im just tired..

[angelkurenai]

A supernatural marvel - Dean Winchester x Reader x Steve Rogers - Chapter 14 (Dean’s Ending)

Title: A supernatural Marvel

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Warnings: Set in season 13 and Post Avengers: Infinity War, No Infinity War spoilers

Word Count: 5k+

Summary: Imagine being transported in the Supernatural universe, with no memory of your life, where you become a hunter and fall in love with Dean. Only for a very important person from your past to come looking for you and change it all.

Read Chapter 1 here! l Read Chapter 2 here! l Read Chapter 3 here! l Read Part 4 here! l Read Part 5 here! l Read Part 6 here! l Read Part 7 here! l Read Part 8 here! l Read Part 9 here! l Read Part 10 here! l Read Part 11 here! l Read part 12 here! l Read part 13 here!

Your eyes fluttered open.

It was as simple as that, an action that happened every morning, yet this time you wished with all your heart that you'd get to do once more. You took in a breath, and although it came in shakily, a smile graced yours lips because you actually felt it. You felt your lungs fill with air, felt the small protest of your back as you shifted, you were a bit sore apparently, but more than that you were alive. And as your eyes took in the room, everything so familiar, as well as the photo on your nightstand, the happiness in your heart couldnt get any bigger.

With another smaller breath in and exhale, you pushed your blankets off you and before your mind could even register the action, your feet carried you towards the only person you wanted to see at the moment.

You pushed the door slightly open and peaked inside to see him in the exact same position you found him nearly every morning you went to wake him up, sprawled all over the bed with his lips slightly parted. The corners of your lips tugged into a smile and you slowly padded your way to him, laying on the other side which in all hnesty had turned into your side over the course of time. You could have gotten carried away just by gazing at him but quickly gathered your thoughts.

You brought a hand up and gave his shoulder a small shake, whispering “Dean.” but you knew one try wasn't going to beenough “Dean. Dean. Come on, wake up. Dean. ” you heard a soft groan of protest as a response and you insisted even more “Come on sleepyhead, wake up. You gotta get up at some point.” but another moan of protest, soon followed by a soft whine.

“No” he huffed, eyes not opening for a second all the while.

“D” you grinned anyway “It's already very late. You seriously can't tell me you're not gonna get up and help us with research.” you said and only got a hum and cheeky smile from him “And then what are you gonna do? Keep sleeping?”

He let a small soft sigh at first, licking his lips before he sleepily mumbled “Nope. I've got a better idea-” he didn't hesitate to throw an arm over your middle and pull you to himself. Your legs tangled and your arms wrapped around his shoulders as he layed his head at the crook of your neck and layed nearly all of his body on top of yours. “Keep sleeping and cuddle.”

A giggle involuntarily escaped your lips and you let your body relax against his “So what, am I not allowed to get off this bed either?”

“Definitely no.” he said stubbornly but so adorably, so carefree and even innocently that for a second it took your breath away. The past couple days had felt like years when you realized he wasn't being this open with you, as much as Dean Winchester could be. Not when you saw that you were the very reason to his flirty and playful side, even, being gone. Nearly all words died out in your lips. Deciding to erase everything that happened from both reality and his memorywhile staying wasn't just the right choice, it was the only choice your heart could make. It would otherwise crumble, thinking Dean wasn't going to smile like this anytime soon. You cleared your throat, pushing the thought on that back of your mind. It wasn't time for that now.

You bit your lower lip, your fingers playing with the short hair in the back of his head “Somehow always knew this was your favorite position, Winchester.”

He hummed, his smile getting even wider which meant he was fully awake yet didn't want to pull away from you “Hmh you have imagined it, sweetheart?”

You could hear some smugness but even more playfulness in his voice and certainly see it on his face that you couldn't help but want to take it further “Can't tell you all about my fantasies, D. I need to keep a dirty secret or two to myself.” it was one of the hardest things to keep yourself from bursting into laughter when he popped an eye open and raised a suggestive eyebrow at you “Oh, so you're awake now.”

“What did you just say?” he asked in a much more gruff and low voice.

“I mean, I'd go into detail but-” you gave him an innocent yet full of meaning smile “We're kind of in a dangerous positionright now, don't you think?”

He looked up and down at you, just as you shifted a bit, and he gave you that kind of small and breathless laugh that just showed he had thought of something definitely not appropriate. “Right. You're right. I should prob-”

He had already started pulling away but that didn't mean you were going to let go of him, taking hold of his hands “But that still doesn't mean-” your smile softened as you you placed it back where it was and rested your own head on his chest “Any of it has to be over, D. Nobody's stopping us, are they? And I know... I don't want it to end either. Not when it feels good.”

Dean's lips parted for a second, mostly a perplexed expression on his face because of the tone in your voice but at the same time unable to help the skip of his heartbeat at the small confession that left your lips. He was ready to question it but couldn't find the words to it so he decided against it. He let out a soft sigh of content, nodding his head a bit before leaning in to kiss your temple. He didn't say a word, not when he knew he didn't have to. Silence with you always felt so comfortable and when he got to hold you like this, that's when he felt truly complete. And oh he would be damned if he ever let himself ruin such a moment, not when he could have you all to himself like this.

“I mean-” you started peaking again and he could swear he held his breath, waiting for what you'd say and almost hoping you'd give him yet another opportunity to flirt with you just so that he'd see the small tint of red that involuntarily showed up on your cheeks “You're good as a blanket, no doubt the best one I've ever had. Wonderful and so soft, I could never change a thi-”

“What?” his voice came out a bit high-pitched “I'm not- I haven't gone soft! I'm a hunter, I'm supposed to be hard a-and firm a-and-”

“Yet so squishy.” you giggled, wiggling your fingers on his side and making him squirm. But he fought the smile from your tickling and nearly glared down at you, offended. “Come on, Dean! Just admit it, we both know it!” your fingers quickly danced underneath his shirt and onto his belly. This time you couldn't help your laughter when you heard that squeak, almost a yelp, when you pinched it. He almost tried to wiggle away from your grasp but you wouldn't let him.

“No! No! I swear if you keep it up-” another yelp and many more giggles and laughter for you “No, (Y/n) stop, I'm not-”

“Oh you so are!” you only kept going, laughing along as he tried to escape from you “Soft here. Soft there. It's all so soft. See my point?”

“Alright, alright I give up! I give up.” he tried to catch his breath when you let go of him “I get it. I shouldn't have eaten that second burger last night.”

“You idiot.” you still laughed softly before whispering softly “You definitely should have and it's great that you did. Dean Itold you, there's nothing wrong with being soft here and there. I know I love to be able to grab something whenever I can on a man, not to mention my man.” you smirked at him, words so casual he had to blink twice, and do a double take because he thought his mind was playing games on him, both eyebrows raised “Besides, that jaw of yours is so sharp it can so easily cut me through just by looking at it.”

“Doesn't sound bad to me.” but you were sure the smile on his lips wasn't more about the second part than the first.

“It's in fact one of the most beautiful things about you.” you caught yourself able to keep going and he couldn't help but look at you with sparkling eyes and an innocent curiosity “These broad shoulders give me the best piggy backs wheneverI'm too clumsy and break my leg or twist my ankle. And I gotta admit I may or may have not exaggerated a couple timesjust to get an extra ride.” you giggled when he groaned and mutter a small “Of course” but still with a fond smile, almost of disbelief at hearing you say everything you did. For the first time not behind shy smiles or hidden glances “And I'm only gonna apologize for your back, old man.”

He scoffed, rolling his eyes “One mor of that and I'm gonna make you regret it.”

You grinned, snuggling closer to his side “I'll have that in mind.” you whispered “But... it's also your arms, that give the warmest and biggest bear hugs I know. Like when I have a nightmare, they instantly make me feel safe and at home. It's something only you can do and I think I might have finally figured out why but it's way too cheesy to admit.”

“By all means, I'll bring the crackers. Keep going.” despite how he couldn't even hear his own words because of how loud his hammering heart was, he just didn't want you to stop. Not now.

“'M sure you will.” you let out a soft sigh “But I was going to say about how all this softness is the reason why this chest makes you the softest and certainly my favorite pillow in the whole world.”

But much to his surprise, those words made the smile slowly fade from his lips. A frown slowly started setting as the words repeated in his head. Images started flashing through his head, foggy but still the words very much clear. His eyes looked away from you, his entire body went stiff and his heart almost twisted painfully inside his chest. More things kept coming back to him.

“D?” you asked softly, perplexed at noticing the seriousness on his face “Everything ok?”

“N-No- I mean, yeah.” he cleared his throat, giving you a reassuring squeeze “It's nothin' just- I think I had the weirdest freaking dream ever.” he said in a gruff voice, mind elsewhere.

“What dream?”

“I-” but he stopped himself, his eyes slowly falling on you as another image flashed through his eyes and his heart did a flip; making his breath hitch in his throat “No-nothin'.” he cleared his throat, blinking with almost wide eyes looking away “It's just... hard to explain. It- It felt so real and I- I think...” he shook his head “Nevermind. 'S just a stupid dream.”

You noticed the way he struggled to swallow but you didn't try to ask, not this time. This time you wanted to do it better. To do it right.

~*~

“So I'm thinking it's probably not our thing.” Sam shrugged, closing the computer “Maybe for once we could catch a break or somethi-” but the younger Winchester stopped mid-sentence when he noticed Dean wasn't even looking at him, let alone listening “Dean?”

This time you did look up through your lashes to find the older Winchester still looking at you with that awe-struck look on his face that you had noticed was there throughout the entire morning but didn't comment on, too occupied enjoyed yet another supernaturally normal morning with your family.

“Dean? Dean, are you even listening to me?” Sam asked with a deeper frown and you blinked, glancing at him before looking back at Dean with a soft smirk.

“D?” you asked with a small giggle “Do you have a fever or maybe a stroke?”

He finally blinked, being brought back to reality as he scoffed with a smirk “Told you I'm not old. And no uh I'm- I'm ok, why shouldn't I be?”

“Well, for starters... you haven't touched your pie, and mind you it's the last slice you've been saving for days now. Heck, you barely touched any of the bacon I made for you. Jack ate more of it than you and you didn't even notice.” you pointed out, leaning back in your seat.

“H-he did? Oh.” he barely even reacted, shaking his head “Yeah well, I'm just not hungry. 'S nothing to-”

“You?” Sam raised an eyebrow “Not hungry? How's that not worrying.”

“Told you, I'm just fine. I've just got-” he bit his lower lip, taking another look at you – one of the longing ones, as if he had not seen you in years and was really taking you and admiring. Sure it had first made you blush like a mad and you didn't say anything about noticing it, but him not being anywhere near subtle had made you a bit suspicious. “Some things on my mind. That's all.”

“Really? Then maybe you'd sound more convincing if you stopped looking at me as if I'm gonna disappear any given moment.” you rested your elbow on the map table and your chin on your palm, giving him a soft smile “As cute as it may be, it's still a bit worrying.”

“Well, then-” he shrugged “It's maybe cause you're so distracting it's impossible for me to focus on anything else when you're in the room.”

The confidence in his voice, along with the words and the way he smiled softly yet sincerely at you, made your back straighten and your eyebrows shot up in surprise. The smile faded from your lips when you felt the heat rush up your neck. Dean had been flirty before, but it was mostly longing gazes and touches when other people were around that you jut didn't know how to handle it. Your eyes met Sam's for a moment, the look on his face even more stunned than yours, and you could swear he was ready to ask if someone had possessed Dean.

“I-” you blinked, your eyes slowly casting down as you felt your face heat up “Thanks, I guess.”

“What for?” he smiled casually “Was just sayin' the truth, princess.” it turned into a smirk “Would say a lot more if Sammy wasn't in the room but I just gotta compromise.” this did earn a small giggle from you but an even more surprised look from Sam who couldn't believe his brother was actually saying this out loud.

“D-Dean are you- are you sure you're ok?” Sam finally asked instead of you, unable to process it.

“Never been better, Sammy.” the green-eyed hunter leaned against his seat with a casual smile “In fact, I was thinking about that break part and I agree. When was the last time we even went on vacation? We've been hunting non-stop and from how I see it the world is safe for once. We freakin' earned it.”

“I- I mean it doesn't sound bad, I think we could-” but Sam didn't even get the chance to complete the sentence before Dean enthusiastically slammed his hand on a book and got up with a grin, startling both of you.

“Perfect!” his smile mirrored that of a child's on Christmas day “Sweetheart, get that pretty ass up. We're going supply running and Sammy start packing, we'll chose a place when we come back. (Y/n), I'll wait outside, don't break my heart by standing me up. Oh and don't bother changing clothes, undressing you is my job only.” he gave you a wink that left you a bigger blushing mess than before.

“I- I-” it all happened so fast you didn't get the chance to fully comprehend everything “Sure.”

“Just-” Sam raised a finger, the smirk on his face scaring you as you silently threatened him to be careful what he asked “One question.” Dean stopped on his tracks and looked at him “Will you make it by noon or am I gonna see you two tomorrow morning?”

“Don't know.” Dean shrugged so casually, you just prayed that was it, but it wasn't “She's the dom, ask her. Depends on how much she wears me out.” he gave you a boyish grin, another wink and you were left to stare after him with wide eyes. Unaware if you should just end him or Sam who was chuckling and nodding his head. Maybe both.

~*~

Having slipped on a pair of shoes and your thin jacket, you didn't bother taking off Dean's flannel and your shorts. Not that you planned to change, but Dean's smile when he saw you was something you had been craving to see more and more so it just made it all the more worth it. It was actually that very smile that after everything that happened - at least that you remembered happening - gave you the courage you needed. Sure, some weight had lifted off your shoulders at knowing you had made the right choice but actually seeing him be the man he was when it was just the two of you, before the stone and before Steve, allowed you to finally let all your worries fade. At least for the moment.

You couldn't deny that you hesitated for a split second, but with him so close to you, it was hard to resist the urge to reach out for his free hand. You saw the corner of his lips lift into a soft smile, even if his eyes stayed on the road, you were sure he was thinking of you when he gave it a squeeze. He held it with his hand, his thumb started rubbing softly your knuckles as you slowly leaned on his side and rested your head on his shoulder. The soft kiss on the top of your head and the way his fingers nearly laced with yours, had you smiling the entire ride.

“Didn't sleep well?” his rough yet gentle voice was the first thing you heard after some time of driving, and only when you heard him did your realise your eyes had drifted close.

“Probably not enough.” you whispered, rubbing your eyes with your free hand. His warmth, his scent and the deep rumble of the car along with the exhaustion you felt had made you fall asleep. You looked around, only to realize the car had finally stopped but the market stood a good few feet away from you two, so you were mostly by the side of the road.

“Could've always told me, princess.” his eyebrows pulled into a frown “Was it your dreams again?”

“I-” you shook your head “No. No dreams, and no headaches I promise. It was good, it really was. I feel like it's been quitesome time since I slept this well. It just wasn't enough, I'm too tired these days.”

“Well, you-” he licked his lips a bit nervously, worry still on his face “You know that if you ever have a problem with- with dreams or nightmares, then I'm here for you. I'm always here, (Y/n). Doesn't matter how, when or where. Even if it's the freaking middle of the night. You don't have to think twice to wake me up. I'm-” he let a small sigh “I want to be there for you. I- I know what it's like to see things that you don't like, things that scare you and I-”

“If you say it's your job to protect me, so help me Winchester, I will have to kiss the leaving heaven out of you to shut you up.” you breathed out with a fond smile that earned a deep warm chuckle from him.

“Is that a threat or a promise? Cause it only makes me want to keep going.” he smirked at you and you laughed, shifting to bury your burning face in the crook of his neck and wrap both your arms around him “But, in all seriousness, I- I don't do it because it's my job, (Y/n). I do it because I want to.”

“I know you do, D. I always know.” you whispered, the comfortable silence that set between the two of you not lasting for long.

“And you know, in case you have trouble sleeping... your favorite pillow is always waiting for you. I mean, to make the deal more sweet- not that my cuddles aren't the bet you'll ever get, I was thinking-” he paused for a second, a smile playing on his lips "If we tried a bit, move some of the furniture, there could be a space for Kong aside from the rest of your things. Maybe I'll even put him by the flowers I bring."

The casual yet serious tone in his voice but even more the words that he uttered made the air leave your lungs and the smile to vanish. The very familiar weight rested on your chest again and your heart dropped. You froze in your place at first but willed yourself to slowly pull away and look him in the eyes. “Wh-what?”

But his face held no signs of exhaustion, or anger or most importantly pain. It was calm, relaxed with a hint of a smile on his face. His eyes actually sparkling and very similar to the awe-struck one he had been giving you all morning. Until he finally whispered in a hoarse voice “It wasn't a dream, was it?”

Your eyes moved back and forth, searching for more than he was ready to voice at the moment. And you certainly didn't need him to voice them. You couldn't really expect for everything to be erased once and for all, not for a second time. Memories would always find a way back, all that was needed was a key to unlock the past. You gave him a slow and weak nod, trying to swallow down the lump in your throat but it was impossible. Your blood had run cold and you slowly started to pull away from him “No. No it wasn't.”

If you had not let your eyes trail down you'd have noticed the way his lips fell apart and he tried to fight the excitement and eagerness from showing through. His eyebrows raised softly, his lips pulling into an almost smile as he nodded his head “I don't-” he cleared his throat a bit “I don't care about the rest of it. In fact I don't care about most of it. Hell, I don't even know if I remember it in the right order to begin with.” a nervous laugh that caught your attention “I don't care at the moment. I just only- I care about- At some point I saw, or at least think I saw-” but he struggled to keep going and when you finally looked up at him, a small breath escaped your lips when you saw the real uncertainty in his eyes “I hear you say I'm- that you're- That we-”

“Are soulmates.” you completed his sentence and his eyes, big, green and still filled with awe shot up to meet yours. A half, nervous smile appeared for only a split second. Before he slowly nodded his head.

“It was-” he started in a gruff voice “Everything came back and I didn't know what to believe. It felt so real. And-” his smile vanished and a deep frown set “I guess it's because it really was.”

“Gosh, Dean, I'm...” your eyes casted down at your hands “I'm sorry, for everything that went on. Steve won't remember me now, none of the do, it's as if I never existed for them and nothing will be there to remind them of me. But you do now. And hurting you was the only thing I'd never want. I swore to myself I would never do anything to hurt you and I- I thought that if I tried hard enough I'd make things right and I-”

“No” he breathed out fast and desperate “No, shit, no, (Y/n). I didn't mean that-” he dragged a hand down his face “Sweetheart, I should be the one to apologize. I acted like a total dick but I-” it was hard to put it into words and you actually held your breath. It wasn't until you whispered his name that you actually heard him speak, and his words did make your eyes widen.

“I was jealous.” his eyes were glossy, he ran his fingers through his hair as he chewed on his lower lip “I was so freaking jealous, baby girl. Jealous that he'd get you and I- I couldn't. I was blinded by my jealousy. I was... scared. Scared I was gonna lose you for good before I even got the chance to fight for you. And it drove me insane, kid, so much I didn't know what I was even saying. But I acted like a total asshole and I- I didn't mean any of it.” he took in a deep breath that came in shaky as you were only left to stare at him with wide eyes and gaping “I shouldn't have., it wasn't your fault. But I just didn't know how to deal with it. And yet you... stayed. You chose to stay here and it makes me feel even worse.”

“I stayed because I wanted to.” you whispered despite how hard it was with his words setting in “There is no way, no possible version, no life I- I could live without you Dean. I'd always chose you... us.”

“I- I thought I was going crazy, I thought-” he bit his lower lip, shaking his head softly with a nervous laugh that made you look up “My imagination was running wild again. That is was one of those dreams.”

“Th-those dreams?” you blinked, your heart fluttering inside your chest.

“Yeah, you know-” he gave you a half smile, hesitating for a second but reaching out to take hold of your hand again, his eyes glued on them as he rubbed soft circles over the back of it; taking a deep breath and just lacing them without a second thought “The ones with no monsters involved, not in our life at least. Lots of those cuddles. That beautiful summer dress you have. Heck, your fandom pjs too. Cooking, lots of that cause you know I'm addicted to your food. A dog maybe. You know, playing and running around the garden in- in the back of... the house.”

“The-” you started but no words came out and when your eyes met his, the heat on your face only got bigger. Dean gave you a squeeze as you breathed out “O-oh”

Your heart was beating so hard inside your chest you were scared it would break free from your chest. You were thankful for his smile. “You know, though, you staying pretty much means you're stuck with me, right?” he asked with a small smirk.

“Stuck? Well, I was actually going to say blessed to be even destined to have a life with a man like you, whether that happens or not.” you said full of sincerity, smiling on your own “I know how you think of yourself, Dean, but heavens you're only a blessing for a woman and I feel like- sometimes I think I won't be enough for you. I just pray...” you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath “I pray I will get the opportunity to be worthy for you. To make you happy. That's why I stayed, because that's what I want. You. And I know...”

You could swear your entire body was shaking, not just your hands which were sweating. But you had been on the verge of losing him for good, you had seen his soul slip from his body and you had never felt more terrified in your life. You couldn't lose any more time, not a single second, and certainly not by beating around the bush. “I can't be without you, Dean.” you confessed “I just can't. It scares me to think I- I could live without you. I know, and I understand now, that we were meant to be for a reason. And that reason is what I feel for you.” you breathed out shakily, looking away almost shyly “And I feel so many things I can't begin to describe. You're important to me, in so many ways and so much that I just know I want you in my life... in whatever way and form you think you can give me. It doesn't have to be any more than this, I don't want you to feel like you have to-”

You could swear you heard a gasp leave his lips but you were set to get it off your chest. And it was the closest you could get to a confession. In this line of work saying saying the L word wasn't easy, even if your heart was screaming it at the moment for him, you knew you'd freak him out. And you were already saying too much to-

“I love you.” it was slow and in a gruff voice, but firm and sincere. You choked on your words, your eyes widening as your head shot up. Your eyes met his red-rimmed eyes and you held your breath, not sure if your head was playing tricks on you.

He looked even more nervous and scared than you “I- I do. I really do, and it's killing me to think there was a chance I'd never get to tell you. I- I don't care whether I live or die-” he paused when he noticed your wince “I know that in this life the end of the line could be just around the corner. And I don't wanna go without telling you everything, baby. I need you to know it, despite how much it scares me, I want you to know. I do and I can't help it. I love you.” he gave you a small nod, the tear that rolled down his cheek perfectly mirroring yours. But you were far too taken aback to say a word, silence setting between the two of you as he held his breath. He sniffled and cleared his throat, in the end, looking slightly away as if disappointed “I really don't expect you to say it back, I know it's-”

“Stop, just stop.” you whispered shakily, bringing your hands up to cup his face and make him look at you “How will I ever be able to show you that I love you with every fiber in my body, Dean Winchester?”

His beautiful green eyes widened once more, a shaky intake slipping past his lips but he didn't try to say anything. He knew he didn't need to, not at the moment. He gave you a small half smile before with every bit of courage left in him and what you'd given him, he leaned to crash his lips to yours.

A small gasp left your lips but you expected no less than a big smile from spreading on your lips as you kissed him back. The kiss was slow and his lips were soft and delicate on yours, as if he was scared he'd break you like a glass doll. You could feel some of his nervousness slip into, and for a man who had been with so many women before you, it only showed how much more important said first kiss was to him. Just as much important as it was to you. The small sound tha he let out when you pressed yourself closer to him only made you giggle, loving that you had to be the one to deepen the kiss or make the next move.

You pulled away only when your lungs protested. Dean chased after your lips for a second, a small whine leaving and you didn't need to be asked before you leaned in again and pressed two or three small kisses on his lips again. The warm chuckle that you earned from him made you grin.

“Do you think-” you started, your lips inches away from him “Do you think Sam will mind if we take a bit more time than usual to return?”

“To be honest-” he whispered “I think he wishes we don't go back home early.” it made you both laugh “Question is, do we plan to go back home early?”

“No, no we definitely don't.” your arms slipped around his middle again, nearly sitting on his lap and he gave you a boyish grin.

“Great, because there are a couple things I'd like us to talk about.” he turned the car back on, a hand on the wheel and the other wrapped around your middle

You raised an eyebrow “Such as?”

“Alright, first, I'm talking anything dirty here or roleplaying or anything but you may just have given me a new kink.” it earned another laugh from you “So, do you think you can find a suit like your superhero one? Because, not that I don't love you in my flannels or how cool you look as a hunter, but hot damn baby, you're the most badass Avenger I've seen in that suit.”

“Well, hunter or Avenger? Hhm, maybe, if you choose your side wisely, Winchester.”

~~~

Read Steve’s Ending here!

[lifeishardbutnotmedick]

It's about selling

"It's about selling your brain, not your body," she says. "I see it like a performance, like a show. But this is not a job for everybody - a lot of girls quit after a few weeks or even days, because they have this mindset that they're selling their body. Your mindset is what matters in this job. I have my limits, and I truly do not feel exploited.Streamate sells its models through a variety of repackaged and re-skinned websites, like PornHubLive — using the site's well-known brand as an easy in with porn consumers. In reality, it's the same old site in new clothes. Streamate itself is hard to pin down. Trying to find who actually owns it is dizzying: The domain belongs to Flying Crocodile Incorporated, which has a PO box in Seattle. Job openings point to a nebulous firm called NaiadDev, also based in Seattle (and hosted by FlyingCroc). But the company's custodian of records is one Rena Erotocritou, employed by "Ariel Secretaries Limited", a ghost of a company based out of Cyprus.Sites do virtually nothing to curb or discourage this kind of treatment.So who are these tireless women (or girls), these internet sex pioneers? Where do they live? Where did they come from? How did they wind up these poorly furnished, fluorescent-lit rooms in this oversaturated, low-res corner of the web? We wondered the same thing. So I talked to them.

It is true that when I am up on stage I feel powerful. In my 7-inch heels and latex leotards and frilly skirts, my body feels beautiful in a way that I dont see it in everyday life, and I feel confident and empowered. When the music comes on, I go with it, when I dance it is natural and its fun. The money is ultimately what I am here for, but this isnt just something I do just to pay the rent. This is my art, and whilst I am making myself sexually desirable, nobody can objectify me, as I hold that power. I am in control, because I objectify myself, if you like.The basic premise of the cam girl game is a simple one: You pay a girl for her time, and in exchange, she'll take off her clothes, talk to you, play with herself (and others), or any combination thereof. When your money is up, so's your time — the two of you part ways until you've got the cash and willingness to go at it again. And when that time comes, you'll have thousands upon thousands of girls ready to swivel and smile for you in real time. It's a massive catalogue of preening women of every variety: big, skeletal, black, white, Asian, American, Greek, Czech, etc. To find them, look no further than the Big Three of cam girl delight: Streamate, LiveJasmine and MyFreeCams. These three mega-networks advertise across the mainstream porn tube sites of masturbating ubiquity — PornHub, ClipHunter, etc — but are shells and shadows themselves. So how do you get in?It was after a shift at the club in Kings Cross I was dancing at that I sat on my bedroom floor and googled feminism and stripping. I was naked underneath my pink robe, hair extensions falling out, one eyelash stubbornly stuck on. I had been speaking with a friend that night on the phone during my break who had said something that I couldnt get out of my head. She told me that my job was degrading and asked me how I could call myself a feminist when I turn guys on for money.But there's really nothing exotic about Anna. She's occasionally lazy and often messy, spending most of her days, as far as I can tell, puttering around her Bucharest apartment in pajamas, playing with her cats, drinking enormous plastic bottles of soda, working on coding an iOS game, and taking occasional trips out to pick up fried chicken and buy new underwear. She claims to have almost no "real" friends off of the internet, but is consistently cheery, and enormously talkative. While video chatting, she always asks if I mind before she smokes. Anna complains about having to take time away from Diablo 3 for her cam sessions, where she chats with regulars, masturbates, mouths along to pop songs, and waits, waits, waits for someone to send her money. And when it comes, it comes. Anna's a MyFreeCam loyalist, earning $US6 a minute via "tokens" — a clever way to obscure how much her customers actually spend. It's a lot easier to fork over 900 tokens than thinking about the $US75 you just spent in minutes. This is Anna's sole income, and what took her out of rural Romanian poverty and the whims of other men.

In a corner of the room there is a large computer screen, an expensive camera and behind them, professional photographers' lights. Dozens of pairs of eyes may view Lana in her room online in real time via dedicated adult websites. But she does not make any money until a member asks her to "go private" in a one-to-one webcam session.As with most sex work, webcamming doesn’t have the best reputation. It’s often seen as exploitation or a last-resort hustle to pay off debt, but Reed Amber, 26, explains how webcam models are just your average self-employed freelancers with the same amount of agency and independence as anyone else.Studio 20 is the largest studio webcam franchise in the world. It has nine branches in Romania, including one employing "cam-boys" who service the gay market. Its other branches are in the Colombian city of Cali, Budapest and Los Angeles. "There are advertisements on university campuses," says Ilisei. "Students get direct Facebook messages with offers of work. And the studios are very corporate - exactly like an entry-career job in other fields. The language is all about empowering young women, being independent, learning skills, even getting bonuses if you convince your friends to try it too. CONTINUED BELOW...

[fullsunhyuckie]

we grow up!

*here’s to mark’s graduation from dream! you’ve done well, mark.

slice of life!au

in which a group of strangers go for an adventure of a lifetime.

disclaimer: i know mark graduated yesterday but i wrote this story a long time ago and i feel like there isn’t a better time than now for me to post this. so here goes my tears :,) 

day0:

at 19, mark was unsure of his future.

it never crossed mark’s mind that the age, twenty, would come so early but boy was he wrong. it was as if it was only yesterday he just learnt how to chew gum.

mark was intending to go on a road trip for five days right before he officially becomes an adult. but you see, the downside of being a hardworking individual is that you simply have no friends. that’s how mark came up with the idea to invite 6 other teenagers around his age to follow him. he went to the local cafe right opposite his block. it was the place where teenagers often hang out.

there he met 6 other teens who were different yet he could connect with them easily. renjun, an 18 year old aspiring artist who left his hometown to pursue his dreams. he’s small but he can hit a bitch if he needs to. jeno, an 18 year old cheerful soul who will do anything to ensure that everyone is happy. he says he is no fun but he can turn on his funny button if he needs to. haechan, an 18 year old devilish boy who should’ve been born in the 80s. he picks on others but he sure is full of love. jaemin, a loveable 18 year old boy who could flirt for a living. he may seem a little odd with all the flirting but he’s the most loyal friend you can ever come across. chenle, a 17 year old loud loud child who is absolutely talented. he screams a lot but he definitely has a beautiful voice. and lastly, jisung, a 16 year old dancer who is insanely talented. he’s young but he is taller than you. a fact.

“let’s go on a road trip.” and that’s how their journey began.

day1:

mark thought this was a stupid idea. he was the only one who could drive so how was he supposed to fully experience his adventure. whatever it was, he still continued on. it’s not like he could find group of 6 other willing boys.

he borrowed his brother’s, johnny, red suv and drove right off. there was no plan, nothing. just 7 boys in a red suv ready to experience life together. it started off awkward. none of them talked. even haechan, the supposed moodmaker, was silent throughout the whole journey. there was just nothing they could talk about, they didnt know each other at all.

even as they reached the first pitstop, they were silent. probably just constant gag sounds from renjun because he disliked awkward situations. i mean it’s not like mark could do anything, he was driving. while they were having a cup of hot chocolate (weirdly enough, all of them ordered the same thing), mark blurted out a question about why they decided to follow him. they all had the same exact answer (well not exactly but you get it) and that is because they all have a dream,,,,,and then the awkward silence returned.

they all willingly agreed to pitch a tent and have a camp by the sea, the moment they arrived. well, at least it wasnt so awkward when they were asleep.

day2:

the next morning they drove off to have brunch. on the way to the diner, famous for their pancakes, haechan boosted his stereo to michael jackson’s bad and surprisingly all of them enjoyed it. they had more similarities than they thought they would. as they reached the diner, the mood was lighter than ever. it was as if sleeping together made them bond well. again, all of them ordered rather similarly. jaemin suggested they played a prank on the waitress to add a little spice to their morning. jisung decided that they should play a game and the loser has to sing the menu to the waitress.

as expected, renjun lost and he was forced to do the prank. he came up to her and before he could say anything the waitress said, “with voices as loud as you boys, you think i wouldnt know what you’re about to do? save yourself the embarrassment.” with that all of them ran out, leaving a red cheeked renjun standing in the middle of the diner. remember when i said renjun could hit a bitch if he wanted to? well this is what i meant. none of the boys left without a bruise. especially chenle who could not stop laughing.

they decided once again to stop by a park to take in fresh air. mark decided they should get to know one another even better. thats how they ended up playing a game of two truths and one lie. there were stupid lies and horribly dumb truths that came up and one that got mark thinking whether growing up was something he wanted. during haechan’s turn, he explained that his truth was that he was afraid of not having anywhere to go after being an adult. they all left what haechan said aside because truth be told none of them knew for themselves either.

they carried on playing other games and having dinner at the same diner because let’s be real, renjun’s pride comes after a good meal. but throughout the whole time, all of them started getting afraid of the horrors of their adulthood. even for jisung who still has 4 years left till his coming of age.

day3:

now, the third day was the most awful. they felt raw this day. but we’ll get to that. it has only been 2 days but the boys felt as though they had been friends for decades. or rather decade, none of them are twenty as of now.

jaemin and jeno went to the nearby convenience store to get breakfast for the boys. for the whole day they decided to just sit around and talk. and so they did. thats the reason why they felt raw.

mark sat without sharing anything. he was terrified. he was afraid that if anyone knew about it they would mock him and his innocent dream.

renjun began first. he talked about how he thinks that his dream is dumb. it has been 4 years since he came to korea and not once has he gotten an offer to further his art studies. whats the point he thought? anything he drew would never be approved as beautiful enough. and it sucks because when he showed his artwork, mark thought that it was a masterpiece. to him it doesnt matter how beautiful the piece was, it was the story behind it that counts. and that came mark’s first lesson, that nothing in life is ever fair.

jeno went on to talk about how he had no goal. nothing at all. for him, his dream is to live a life with no regrets. thats why he’s not pushing to do anything to stress himself out. he’s just gonna go with the flow. after graduating from his high school barely passing, he feels as though it doesnt matter. jeno believes that he’ll get somewhere one day. after all he’s still a teenager he’s got enough time to think about these things. but for now, he’ll just live in the moment. and that was mark’s second lesson, to live and let loose.

haechan was next. he had a dream to be a singer. and god that boy could sing. but for haechan he felt insecure. no matter how many people came up to him to tell him he was talented, he just cant accept that. that’s probably why he hides it with all the snarky remarks and the over the top compliments for himself. he never felt that he was good enough. but mark feels bad because haechan doesnt deserve to feel that way. haechan was full of love and he couldnt understand why he couldnt give himself any. this made him learn his third lesson, that only you can bring happiness to yourself.

and then there’s jaemin. mark cant help but feel sympathetic for him. jaemin was a dancer, a really good one (from the videos jaemin showed). but the thing is he cant dance anymore. at all. he got into an accident and now he isnt allowed to dance anymore. but the weird thing is that it didnt stop him from being content with life. for he feels that everything happens for a reason. and mark looks up to jaemin because he never fails to put on a smile knowing that his dream of being a dancer is near impossible for him to achieve. that’s how mark learnt to smile even if failure comes.

well for chenle, he had already achieved his dream. well partially. he is currently a trainee singer at a well known agency in korea. as a child, chenle was a music prodigy in china. he went on talent shows and clinched first place in almost every one of them. it was as if chenle’s future had already been written for him to be a singer. but he never used his past to get a boost for an opportunity in the industry. he worked incredibly hard to get into the agency and never once did he take his place for granted. mark learnt from him that its important to stay humble.

and lastly, jisung, the dancing king. mark was amazed by how insanely talented this boy was. it was no wonder he became a famous child dancer, known all over korea. anywhere jisung went people would recognise him and mob him for his autograph or a picture. but as mark sees how jisung acts when he’s with those his age, he realises that jisung is in fact just a kid and he’s just trying to enjoy life as normal teenager. its a pity for jisung because he devoted his whole youth to dancing, and now even when he looks back, his childhood was all just a blur. he complains that if there was one regret he had, it was not living each day to its fullest. that was mark’s last lesson. to seize every moment.

by the end of it all, they were all starting to doze off. and before they knew it , they fell asleep. except mark because he cant help but wonder what will happen to these boys once they part. and in that same moment he thinks, thank god i met these people.

day4:

the next day they woke up in the late afternoon. all of them felt exhausted after spilling almost everything about themselves.

the moment mark woke up he felt awful. there were only two days left till he becomes an adult and that thought scared him to his wits. he began sobbing softly and the boys came running to him. mark explained.

mark was afraid of having a future at all. everytime he tried, he failed. mark wanted to be a rapper. wanted. because there were so many competitions that he attended and he failed. so many people told him that he’ll fail because as a rapper, there’s no future for him.

mark shared that his parents were supportive of him so that wasnt a problem. but you see he didnt want to burden his parents. he knew if he pursued this dream it would take a lot of money and none would be gained back. now mark’s left, all goal-less because he knows if he tried, he’ll fail for sure.

so that’s how mark ended up here in seoul. because he needed a breather. his parents advised that if he doesnt know what to do he should just enter college. thats a sure success because a degree can get you any job you need. but mark was sure it wont bring him happiness because he knows that he doesnt want to go to university, it’s just not him. mark felt empty as though no one understood him, until now of course.

as the 7 dreamers sat under the night sky they thought to themselves. the adults always say you need to plan for your future, you need to know what you want to do. but they never help you. they’d just leave you to figure things out by yourself.

the adults never tell us how hard the process of growing up is. they never prepare us for it. its like going into a battlefield without weapons. no matter how loud you shout or plead for them to aid you. its useless because now they’ll pull out the “it’s your life. it’s your decision” card. but if you fail, its all on you. and if you succeed then suddenly, the family’s the one who paid for the fees and give you moral support and all that jazz.

so that made them awfully afraid because they knew that one day they’ll be doing something and that they’ll get somewhere. but what if they arent happy? what if they’re miserable?

day5:

it was the last day. the 7 of them drove back. the whole drive home was silent. they knew that it’ll be the last time they would see each other. mark will be leaving. he didnt intend to grow so close with the boys but he did and now he hates it. his heart is heavy to leave them but he has to. he understands that people come and go. thats just the cycle. unknown to mark, this is part of growing up. he has to accept that, nothing in life is constant, no matter how hard it is.

as they reached the same coffee house, you could see how all their eyes turned crystal. but their egos are high, so fret not cause they’ll not cry. except renjun and haechan, they cried. hard.

all mark did was put a smile on his face and he said “yo dream. promise me you’ll remember me, alright. we’ll see each other soon.”

and with that he left. and never turned back. because he knew if he did, he wont be able to say goodbye.

day6 (the day mark turned 20) :

now, mark’s 20.

at 20, mark’s still unsure of his future. but he knows that all he wants for now, is to be happy.

-Z

[kemonos]

would it be annoying if i said 1-50? i wanna know all of it

no it’s v sweet...... kis...

1. what’s the best thing that happened to you today?

i just relaxed and kinda just didnt do much!! love it when i get a day Off. my cat laid next to me and it was so cute that might be the best part. also just had a nice phone call with u a bit ago was rlly nice

2. where do you see yourself living in 10 years?

the city that i currently live in. i will be 29! yikes!

3. apartment or house?

house. i need places to go and space to exist in and apartments make me feel v cramped

4. has your aesthetic changed at all in the last year?

i change it every season!

5. what is something you’re proud of?

im good with kitty cats..... also being a published poet and having 2 years of government work experience at19!

6. name three books that changed your life.

warriors: into the wild, the haunting of hill house, and persepolis

7. do you have a favorite podcast?

i love taz!! (thanks for introducing me to it) and wtnv is my forever love.

8. what three songs can you not get enough of right now?

i don’t trust u anymore

the guillotine

cuz i love you

9. favorite quote?

“I survived because the fire inside me burned brighter than the fire around me.” and yes that is a FNV quote

10. state an unpopular opinion that you have.

i gotta think on this one? i hate potatoes? but as for like more controversial/political stuff i gotta think on that

11. if you could live in any other decade, when & where would you choose?

medieval germany just so i could understand how horrifically people smelled

12. describe your ideal date?

going to a place where i can pet goats and having flowers brought to me... hehe

but as for like a date i havent done? i think just like. being surprised with a small gift/flowers because i love gifts/flowers and then going for a nice walk somewhere pretty and then doing some activity like pottery or shopping or like.. just an activity that’s a good time!!! and then having a nice dinner or lunch (no ideal date of mine starts early bc that’s cuddling time) and then going home and watching a movie and hangin out!

13. are you currently crushing on anybody?

yeas! you know who!!

14. if you could have dinner with anybody, who would it be?

my grandma cause i never met her. or like a grandma further up in my lineage and idk anything abt my heritage tbh

15. what time do you usually go to sleep & wake up?

i sleep from 10:30-1:00 and wake up around 9

16. what’s your favorite instrument?

cello, viola, or mandolin

17. what song do you love dancing to?

i will get down to just about anything. in stores, restaurants, anywhere. u have seen me do this.

18. what’s a topic that you wish you knew more about?

hmm how to make change using activism. i see so much injustice in the world and im not sure how to fix it

19. got a random fact you’ve been holding on to?

i have only had animals that had black fur as pets!

20. favorite fruit & vegetable?

i like mango and tomato

21. what’s your favorite dish to cook?

im so bad at cooking so a dish i CAN cook that i like is chicken soup made from scratch

22. favorite beverage?

screwdriver

23. how are you feeling in this moment?

pretty okay!

24. are you reading a book at the moment? what do you like about it?

i should be... eek

25. name three songs that stir up the deepest emotions.

a pearl by mitski

running up that hill by kate bush

i dont have a third one, these two songs rlly bring out tears in me tho. esp the second one

26. what’s your favorite season & why?

winter cuz i love snow and holidays, spring cause im happiest then, fall cause it smells good and new things happen, summer because i can be lazy and actually see sun?

27. when is your birthday?

you know >:)

28. what do you do when you need to de-stress?

play viddy game

29. do you prefer spontaneous or pre-arranged plans?

both are grEAt

30. name an experience in your life you wish you could do over?

high school, i wasted far too much time being sad

31. do you like the name you were given? if not, is there a different one you’d prefer?

nope! and im not sure yet!

32. what’s your favorite weather?

snow !!!

33. are you satisfied with how your life is going right now?

i think so!

34. describe a time that you were brave.

i stood up to a rlly abusive partner at some point and i paid dearly for it but i stopped letting myself be a doormat

35. is there a movie you like better than the book it was based on?

uhhh not particularly 

36. do you have a place you go to when you feel stressed/sad?

lake

37. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

thicc furry women google search

38. what time is it where you are?

night

39. what is something you’re excited for?

seeing you tomorrow, our next date, and finishing fire emblem.

40. got any summer plans?

work, get sun, hang out

41. when was the last time you intentionally went out to see the sunrise?

never 

42. favorite film genre?

psych thriller

43. coffee or tea?

u and i both love tea and that’s why we fell in love

44. describe your body without using any negative adjectives.

soft, so very soft. olive. stronger than it seems!

45. is there a cover song that you like better than the original?

make you feel my love by adele

46. are you on good terms with your parents?

it’s complicated

47. are you in a relationship? if not, are you looking to be?

i am!!!!!!!!!!!!

48. do you typically look for a partner with the same traits as you or someone to complement yours?

hmmb.... think both? i couldnt be with someone similar to me. but i think like someone who shares some traits with me and also challenges me. like someone who can enjoy quiet moments and likes to stay in but also someone who encourages me to communicate in my life and takes me to new places!!!! hm.. who could i be describing......

49. describe your aesthetic.

forest lamb moss bitch

50. put your music on shuffle and list the first 10 songs to play.

in the deep woods - sdv soundtrack

northern downpour - panic! at the disco

fire editorial - the mountain goats

jolene - dolly parton

a sadness runs through him - the hoosiers 

pool boyz - diet cig

sleepyhead - passionpit

teenage dirtbag - weezer 

When the Catholic Girls go Camping - Giraffes? Giraffes!

Horchata - vampire weekend

[mirror-hero-mira-blog]

My Story

This will be mildly depressing but its my story and why i am how i am and all ive gone through it twenty short years

So I will be twenty soon and people keep wondering and asking or praising me for surviving trauma. I’ve decided to explain in full and un censored detail my process, what i went through, my thoughts during it, the effects and how it left me. There are mentions of abuse, sexual assault, depression, domestic violence, suicide, and very dark thoughts so be warned. My memory is also unreliable as i am never sure what is real and what is not before the age of thirteen so im doing my best to recall everything in order, ages wont be exact as i try to repress and just out right can recall them.

My trauma started roughly when i was 7-9. I recall laying in bed and hearing my parents violently shout at one another, about what i cant recall, and crying because i was afraid of an unknown danger. I remember a rift being made in my house, me being lashed out at, and my mother rarely being around the house. Now before i go further i was a shy child who had little friends, i have one younger brother who is two years younger than I, most of my days, or what i can recall, was in my room reading and later playing on my ds once i got one while rarely going outside to play aka catching frogs and bugs. i dont recall much from when it started, i was a smart kid so i think i knew something was wrong but wasnt emotionally or mentally ready to deal with it. 

Now, i was a big daddys girl but i also loved my mom dearly because well shes my mom. One of my clearest memories from this when i realized it wasnt right was my mom showing up to the house and me being so excited since i hadnt seen her in so long i let her in, she hugged me and my father instantly yelled at me and scolded me. i think the next thing was me being sent to my room but thats where it ends. i remember feeling so confused because shes my mom why cant she be home? why shouldnt she be allowed inside? why cant i be happy to see her? thats the last clear memory besides us getting kicked out of that house due to rent not getting paid.

I remember my mom trying to keep calm and smile and she told me “we have to keep stuff packed because we will be moving soon and need to be organized”. Looking back im really happy she tried to keep little me happy and from knowing.She may not have been the best mom but she certainly loved me then as well as my brother. When we were kicked out i recall my dad not being as in a rush as my mom, he seemed tired and to say flat out like he couldnt care less. I was packed up with a few of my things, the rest in a storage unit including my entire child hood, and moved to a different state. 

Me, my family and our dog were moved in with my mothers mom who was by far not the best but i couldnt do much as i was maybe 11-13? I remember her blaming my father for things he didnt do, i remember yelling and violent arguing between my father and my moms boyfriend (my mother and father had separated if you couldnt guess), my mom in the middle yelling at them to not do it infront of the kids. Eventually we moved from there after my grandmother had called the police on them for some reason (i recall it just being a warning or something nothing serious). My mom had broken up with her boyfriend and moved with us, i shared a room with her and my brother shared a room with my father, at this point we had our original dog and 3 dog sisters who we loved dearly (we being me, my mom, and brother). i remember starting to feel what i would come to realize was the beginning of my depression as well as my anxiety, that i had since i was little, beginning to get much worse. I was bullied harshly during this time and barely got by in most of my glasses because of what happened in that house.

i dont know how long i lived in that house but it wasnt incredibly long, 2 years maybe? i know it was half of middle school there with a year or so at my grandmothers. The first little while was calm, i hardly remember much from when we moved in so im assuming it was. I recall playing wii with my mom and watching tv siting of the floor eating pizza, followed by me and my brother playing the wii version of sims ( i recall him learning how to beat the rng and us never playing again). My next clearest memory is more yelling and banging. Violence. Now i wasnt a stupid kid and was much more brazen than i am now, i was a child genius who could quickly deduce what was wrong. I would get into the arguments, stand between my mom and dad to keep him from hitting her, yell that i wouldnt move or let him touch her. yell at him so much my throat hurt. One of my most clear memories is my mom yelling at me to call the police and as i dialed she came in and locked the door telling me to just not. i checked if she was okay and recall hugging her and just siting there afraid not fully being able to understand.

At some point my dad had enough of me and my mom and threw us out of the house, throwing our things as we sat on the bed of her truck, even throwing our two of the 3 dog sisters at us while we waited for the police, now what happened after this makes me realize just how manipulated and emotionally abused i was. My dad convinced me to come home, leaving my mom at my grandmothers. he convinced me my mom was evil and manipulated me using the state i was in to take me from my mom. he talked badly about my mom constantly and eventually his girlfriend moved in. his girlfriend was as bad as him and i recall feeling unwanted. i have a scar on my arm that makes me recall how brazen and unafraid i was at times. The scar was breaking up a fight her dog had started, it attacked my dog sister and she told me to stay out of it as my dog probably started it, i got in the middle picked up her dog, it scratching me deeply across my upper arm and shoved it into her chest. i picked up my dog and took her to my room. i was still bullied during this time, faced the manipulation at home, and started becoming suicidal.

Now this next part is something im not proud of but shows just how far i was into this manipulation and how far i came. My father kid napped me. Him and his girlfriend decided they wanted to move back to her two daughters and away from my mom. my brother was apprehensive but i was a mindless puppet so i did as told as thats what i was raised to do. we packed up in a 48 hour period, me not sleeping for that entire period and were getting ready to leave. i had this large white monkey i had since i was little, it towered over me and i loved it, his name was marvin. i mentioned why we werent bringing him and that we had to because he was our family and even got a bit teary eyed over it my dad said “if you want it that bad we can leave you and dakota (my dog sister) and you can sit on your ass until your mom swings her ass around to get you”, that terrified me so i reluctantly agreed and was taken to a completely different state yet again with the question of “why would he leave me”. i recall not enjoying my time there and my father limiting my mom talking to me so much i dont really recall much more that a phone call, i was kept out of school for a while until one day police came and told them my mom was taking us back. i left with barely any of my childhood possessions yet again with my dad treating it as her taking us by force, i said goodbye to my dogs and promised i would see them again, i never did and never will.

the trip back i screamed, argued and fought my mom and not yet step father. my dad manipulated me well i guess. i calmed down when we got back to my now home state and got the last dog sister ginny, my mom asked my grandmother to watch her, and headed to my moms home. i had trouble suddenly adapting to a some what better environment where i wasnt treated like a mindless child. i was so damaged and i dont think they knew to the extent. 

In these years i was verbally abused by my mom, step father, and brother but they were so much better than my dad despite it. i was reaching my peak depression and had attempted to commit suicide by this point but had failed. at some point i recall them “cleaning” my room, as due to losing nearly everything i owned i clung to things, and burning what they deemed trash it made me have a break down because well just look at what had happened previously to things i owned. in that period i was locked out in the cold, verbally and emotionally abused, treated like i was a piece of shit and that i was worthless and i believed that for so long. my brother had hit me a few times and even started encouraging my suicidal mind set, my parents (which will not be my mother and step father) said it was just him being my brother. Due to my previous trauma i was desperate for friends and to be liked and it have social interactions it led me into some very very toxic friendships and relationships. i had someone who stole my phone and said she just wanted to see what my number was, but had texted my mother iw as stay for a study session when i wasnt. i got home and was brutally yelled at for lying and they yelled the entire time while forcing me to give them all my passwords then calling me out for lying when i gave them the wrong email password by mistake. in the following time period they would check everything i owned, i had to privacy or sense of self. even to this day i hate people touching and looking at my stuff, im still so paranoid ill get in trouble for something. during this time is also when i was first sexually assaulted.

Yes that said first as it happened twice. they both abused my prior trauma that made me a selective mute that disassociates when in stressful situations. i wont go in depth but even years later i couldnt be in the same room with the first without being sick to my stomach. the second was into my junior year of highschool. between that time and the first i was emotionally manipulated, attempted suicide again and failed, became even more depressed and suicidal, and developed more toxic friendships that i now realize only hurt me as they playfully bullied me and only one of that group, who never did, remains my friend or well my best friend as she stayed by me despite not knowing any of my past. i was manipulated into entering a long distance fwb relationship that ruined a good friendship but also helped make me more stubborn towards people who tried to do that. the verbal abuse still happened during this time and my brother got to the point of doing it the worse. my junior sexual assault ended with us breaking up mutually but him getting such a hate towards me that he tried to ruin my life by turning any “friend” against me and brutally harassing me until a girl i respect so much stood up for me, shes getting married and im excited for her and happy i met her despite us not talking. half way through my junior year i began to realize how bad the people i was around most of the time were for me, so i stopped hangin out with them and started selectively being around people who engaged me in conversation and who actually included me. i was still struggling through the tail end of my suicidal spell and my awful depression as well as  ptsd, having nightly flashbacks that often left my crying and having break downs where i just hated myself so much and hated that i couldnt be normal and happy and not annoy my friends with this shit, it caused me to never talk about it and it made it so worse going through it all alone with only my fucked mental state.

my senior year i gained some self confidence and started accepting myself. midway through i had a bad relapse and nearly succeed in killing myself but managed to yell at myself to not as i was holding a handful of pills to my mouth, not even an inch from it. that was my last attempt. 

i struggled still, had relapses, fought with my own head without anyone knowing as it told me they didnt care and i was a burden so i should deal with it by myself as no one deserved that. i hated when who i told felt so bad for me and wished it hadnt happened because it happened and i cant change that no one can and i dont like being seen as sorry and weak. 

over the years until now i tried endlessly and hard to build my self back up and gain some sense of self and try to begin my recovery.

i still relapse, i still think about killing myself, i still have massive anxiety and panic attacks. but im alive and i survived. 

I count the days between relapses, it happens left often. Im covered in scars but no one can see the ones i purposefully caused anymore. I hurt and ach and want to be cared for and want to be loved and have people around me who care for me and who value me. Im working on building myself a supportive circle of friends and trying to become as stable as i can be with what i have.

My family says i dont need therapy and refuse to try to help me get it so when i move out its my first priority, i have ever lasting mental scars from my trauma that wont ever go away but im slowly learning to live with it and becoming proud of who i am.

something i forgot to mention is yes i was hit as a child. to this day i freak out and panic and will throw myself to the ground if it appears someone is about to hit me. i cant hand yelling or loud noises, im afraid of people and crowds, i have trust issues, i speech impediment, things i cant do because of the scars of my trauma.

now you may be asking how im alive? why i still keep living? how i got through this alone? honestly i cant answer the last one because i dont even know, but the first two i can roughly explain.

i didnt ever kill my self because right before i would i developed a concept of proving people wrong, that i belonged in this world as i had already survived nearly dying at 5 due to an allergic reaction. then as i got older i made the deal that if i made it to 18 that would be enough, im turning 20 soon. Now a days i have people and things to live for. When i think of killing my self i think of my friends L and M (not real names of course), i think of my dogs, my guinea pigs, my dreams, my goals, all the things i want to do. Ive become a role model to others now so i cant just die on them and give up on them. I cant help people and help others going through what i did, i cant be there for the people i care about to ensure they live and make it too, i cant be there to give them what i didnt have; someone who cared and loves them.

ive felt unloved my entire life and it hurts knowing the people who are supposed to love you apparently dont if they do what they do. it hurts seeing people going through what i went through because i know how much that hurts and how over bearing it can be. My trauma made me not want to make the same choices and hurt others in the way they ones who hurt me did. It made me not want to bring life into this world unless i was sure i wouldnt make the same mistakes. It made me crave to be loved and have people by my side and it gave me a weird but reasonable goal: Live a life i can be truly happy and safe in, a life without fear. 

i still struggle daily but im getting by and im getting there, im trying to become someone who i can be proud of, someone who can and will make a difference even if its saving one person.

i fight every day to live and have been for a while, hell i cried on my 18th birthday because well i didnt think i would last that long or be alive to see it.

Im alive, and i will continue to be to show others facing and feeling what i have felt that you can do it. you can live and thrive and fight for your life and end up better than you are or were and better than those who hurt you. Ill stay alive to act as a pair of open arms to those who are in my place, to give them someone who cares, to teach them they dont have to do it alone or hate themselves for wanting to depend on others. 

Im here because i feel i need to be to break the cycle and prove i deserve to live as do they and as do you.

[brightwoodhq]

Gooooooood morning everyone! It’s time for us to drop our second Character Development Challenge! This time around, we’ll be doing in character kink surveys to get those ideas and inspirations flowing! The task is pretty simple- in the Discord I will be posting a link to an in-depth kink exploration survey. This isn’t something you’ll get results from, but more something to help develop your character and their interests a little further. The survey posted in the Discord will be multiple choice. I’ll also be posting a second questionnaire, which will be open-ended and will require you to fill out the answers IC. The first survey can be screenshotted and placed in your character channels, while the answers to the open-ended questionnaire can be reblogged on your blogs! You’ll find the questionnaire under the cut! There is no time limit on these, and participation is totally optional! As always, anyone with questions is welcome to message the main or an Admin! 

1: How high is your libido?

2: Rough sex or soft sex?

3: Do you have any unusual kinks/fetishes?

4: Weirdest place you’ve had sex?

5: Favourite sex position?

6: Do you like to be dominant or submissive?

7: Have you ever had any one night stands?

8: Sex on the bed, couch or the floor?

9: Have you ever had sex in a public place?

10: Have you ever been caught masturbating?

11: What does your favorite sexy underwear look like?

12: How often do you have sex?

13: Is there anybody right now you’d like to have sex with?

14: Do you prefer giving or receiving oral sex?

15: Most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you during sex?

16: A song you’d listen to during hard/rough/kinky sex?

17: A song you’d listen to during soft/slow/passionate sex?

18: Are you into dressing up for sex?

19: Would you prefer sex in the bath or sex in the shower?

20: If you could have sex with anyone right now, who would it be?

21: Have you ever had a threesome? If not, would you?

22: Do you/would you use sex toys?

23: Have you ever sent someone a dirty text/picture?

24: Would you have sex with your best friend?

25: Is there anything you do after sex? (for example, smoke, eat, drink)?

26: Something that will never fail to get you horny?

27: Early morning sex or late night sex?

28: Favourite body part on the opposite sex?

29: Favourite body part on the same sex?

30: Something that you have hidden in your room that you don’t want anyone to find?

31: Weirdest sexual act some has performed [or tried to perform] on/with you?

32: Have you ever tasted yourself? [If no, would you?] [If yes, what did you think?]

33: Is it ever okay to not use a condom?

34: A food that you would like to use during a sexual experience?

35: Worst possible time to get horny?

36: Do you like it when your sexual partner moans?

37: What is the most amount of times you’ve ever orgasmed in a day?

38: Best sexual complement you ever got:

39: Favorite foreplay activities:

40: What do you wear to bed?

41: What is your biggest turn off?

42: Do you have any nude/masturbating pictures/video of yourself?

43: Have you ever/when was the last time you had sex outside?

44: Have/would you ever have sex in public?

45: Have/would you ever had a threesome?

46: What is one random object you’ve used to masturbate?

47: What is your favorite type of porn?

48: Do you like oral sex? (why/why not)

49: How do you feel about tattoos on someone you are interested in?

50: How would you feel about taking someones virginity?

51: Is there any food you would NOT recommend using during a sexual encounter?

52: Would you rather be a pornstar or a prostitute?

53: Do you watch porn?

54: Have you ever been called a freak? Why?

55: Do you feel comfortable going “commando”?

56: Would you have a problem with going down on someone if they hadn’t shaved their pubic hair?

57: If you could give yourself head, would you?

58: Booty or Boobs?

59: Have you ever cheated on someone? (Why?)

60: What is your dirtiest sexual fantasy?

61: have you ever watched someone masturbate?

62: has anyone ever watched you masturbate?

63. Have you ever had an erection and someone noticed?

64. What is your method of masturbation? (ie. toys, clitorial, prostate)

65. What is your bra/penis size?

66. What is the strangest thing you have ever put up your vagina/anus?

67. When was the last time you masturbated?

68. When was the last time you had sex?

69. When was the last time you watched porn?

70. Have you ever bought a sex toy? If so, which one did you buy last? First sex toy? If not, which one do you plan on buying when you do?

71. Circumcised?

72. Which not-genital part of your body do you like being touched?

73. Which genital part of your body do you like being touched?

74. Are you able to achieve orgasm just through nipple stimulation?

75. Have you anonymously sent a sexual ask to someone?

76. When was the last time you have had a wet dream?

77. Which wet dream was your favorite?

78. Is there a friend you would willingly have sex with?

79. Is there a celebrity/character you would willingly have sex with?

80. Least favorite sexual position?

81. Do you like being called a slut or whore in bed?

82. Are you into any BDSM?

83. Have you ever wanted to have sex with someone but knew you couldnt for any reason? Why?

84. Do you like dirty talk?

85. Are you loud or quiet during sex? Masturbation?

86. Have you ever been interrupted during sex or masturbation? Who/what?

87. What kind of porn do you not like to watch?

88. Have you ever confessed to someone that you got an erection over them? What about masturbated to them?

89. Have you ever masturbated because your sexual partner wasn’t there when you needed them?

90. Have you ever had a one night stand? Do you still keep in contact with them?

91. Have you ever had a friends with benefits? Are they still beneficial?

92. Any kinks you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t?

93. How should someone who is interested in sleeping with you approach the topic?

94. What are your absolute no-nos in bed?

95. How do you feel about quickies?

96. Have you ever tried roleplay in bed? Would you?

97. Describe the best orgasm you’ve ever had. What were you doing? Alone or with someone else? What made it so good?

98. Have you ever filmed yourself while masturbating or having sex?

99. Lights on or lights off?

100. What would you like to do more of in bed?

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 6 | “His best Amanda Kimmel "Go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation” - Liam

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ryrU-tXQbMyAa2Sl_GFiJb61i6qUNY-x/view?usp=sharing

aj went home??!?!?! hello!? JAKE SURVIVED SO THERE IS A GOD

Who feels like shit? Meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. And now I remember why I feuded with Jakey... he literally did what ever he wanted. Which is very inconvenient for the rest of us. I know he put my name down. Granted 3 minutes ago I was sure it was Dan but after briefly snapping at him I put it together. Dan, 7:21 PM Seriously I’m not mad about it ahha I can see how my words were taken. And then I definitely said this afternoon we hadn’t talked and that was why I thought you would be the vote on my end Yeah you were a target before AJ started throwing my name out. I own up to that 100% So now it's time to play voting detective... yaayyyyyyyyyyyy (em llik) This entire vote started off with Jakey and Dan. Dan claims that he didn't bring my name up, but it would be an ass pull for Jakey to come to me with Dan wanting me dead immediately after the immunity challenge and then suddenly manifest it. Jakey immediately comes to me and I immediately come to the Dumb Betches (tm). I want Dan out but it's just not realistic as the other side isn't as comfortable playing with a pure beauty team. Next day we form the Thots R Us alliance and Jakey and Scott plead their case for AJ to leave and we, like idiots, go for it. Dan continues to campaign for me. Devon gets into the mix at some point and tells Dan that AJ is voting for him. Dan changes his vote. Now according to Augusto around this point, Jakey mentioned the possibility of having an extra vote before completely shutting it down. Claiming it to be "unnecessary". I think this sparked the idea to tell AJ about the vote under the guise of "golly gee I don't wanna vote for Dan because honor and stuff so I'm voting for you". I assume it's around then he wrote my name down. Like a bitch. Sorry I'm trying to be less hateful and aggressive but man it's harrdddddddd. My guess is that he wanted a beauty out no matter what and figured he'd have better luck convincing the others to vote for me in a situation where an idol is played. He probably also wanted me and Dan to turn further against each other. Unfortunately for him, I spent all of my impulse control that day on not chewing Dan's head off and I snapped immediately afterwords and so some things were cleared up. It has to be Jakey not just because of all the things lining up and not just because it is in his character but I genuinely can't imagine anyone else doing so. - AJ and Amir are loyal hoes. Plus if one of them did something that absurd, it wouldn't exactly benefit them. It puts strain between our relationships with the other players and honestly I don't know why they'd waste a vote on me when if an idol is played they risk losing a beauty majority. - Devon doesn't seem like he would make any waves and seems to have taken a liking to me. Granted I'm less sure about him then the others but he did put most of the work in convincing Dan not to put my name down. Plus he doesn't seem to have anticipated AJ having an idol. - Scott, to do something like this would have been risky. I'm his primary connection to the beauty alliance, if AJ were to play an idol he would have risked losing an asset. - I truly think Dan isn't lying to me because he genuinely believed if he didn't vote for AJ he'd be fucked. He wasn't comfortable with where the votes lied, to throw a vote towards me would have been pretty dumb and insanely reckless. Jakey is the only person I can think of who would go out so out of his way for something like this. Chaos is more or less his calling card. Plus it would be in his best interest to keep around someone in his majority alliance and get rid of a beauty. And he probably thought that I was a better option considering past history or whatever. :/ So now we have to sacrifice Jakey to the survivor gods not because he wrote my name down but because I can't trust him to keep his shit together and vote with us. We were going to target Dan next and he probably won't be chill with that. He probably would prefer to aim for Devon or One of the beauties. And that well, wouldn't be in my best interest either. In the mean time, I'm just going to sit still and look pretty. 

Ok, I need to make a quick apology. Talking to Autumn and Duncan has been the highlight of my game thus far. Autumn went to the same undergrad as me and Duncan is one of the most genuine guys I've ever met. I feel terrible for ever being doubtful of being on the same tribe as them. Because now I really think I have two more people that I feel I can trust and move with further, which (in the words of the perfect Mrs. Kim Spradlin) means I have options, and I think this can guarantee a spot for me at merge and a really good group to make some moves with that isn't as obvious to people. If we were to go to tribal, I think my target would be Connor which should be an easy vote given his general lack of activity on the tribe thus far, but I'm also not against the prospect of blindsiding Ali as I think there's a chance he has that Apis idol and I'm certain he has a few tricks up his sleeves.

okay soooo i have two LONG video confessionals uploading from the last two days but wow stuff is happening... so first off, the nuThoth tribe voted off... AJ?! which is so unexpected, that shakes up the game completely, like now it means the game is changed... it means the brawn four on this tribe sticking together is a really bad idea, and it just... everything has changed. i'm so so glad jake has survived, which keeps one good ally in on nuThoth. I'm still scared of Augusto/Amir/Kendall/Scott, but hopefully one will go if they go to tribal again? idek but yeah a lot of this will be repeated in my video, but god is a woman. and her name is autumn, i called with autumn for TWO HOURS yesterday and it was a transcendent experience, i literally love her so much. and it was such a good conversation, like i 100% overshared but it was great to kinda link up... i talked to her about adam (more on him later), she filled me in on the brain hot goss and she is of course someone i want to stick with. on this tribe, the two i feel best about are tj and autumn - tj i was SO mean to at the start but i actually get really good energy from him now? i really want to solidify something with him, i definitely want to stick wit him. jordan i think trusts me a lot but for some reason i continue to have anxiety about him (but he is a good shield in a merge situation). i for some reason get really good vibes from connor? i think i would love to talk to him more (will pm him today) - i think connor gives off good vibes and particularly since adam's conspiracy of a beauty illuminati is over i think i could trust him a lot? we haven't spoken much but he has really good ally potential imo. adam is a tricky one. for some reason i do NOT trust him. he is in EVERYONES pms peddling this same narrative and is just doing a lot? i think he is a real slippery player, and i feel like he is a fish who if we release into the ocean of a merge tribe we will never get back? i have such anxiety about him making it far so i'd love for him to go as soon as possible. its tough tho because now that a beauty majority voted off a beauty, i feel like the brawn four on this tribe need to do similar? so maybe i need to vote off liam? its just annoying because i trust liam, and i'd LOVE to get adam out but i dont see the numbers to pull that off. so i feel like we have to vote liam to give ourselves wiggle room as brawn players, but from there idk... because i want adam GONE grrrrrrrrrr its frustrating. hopefully we win this challenge, and the other tribe has another chance to get rid of someone... like the less decisions i have to make the better at this point i take it back jordan is so sweet, he is like a teddy bear... its just whether he is a care bear or lotso from toy story

i cant remember what my last confessional said so im just gonna start with last tribal: aj got voted out ........ of all the false beautys it had to be him the ONE who actually was nice to me and was the whistleblower on that main alliance? when i said it'd ironically beautiful to me to see one of the beautys voted out he was NOT any of the ones i was talking about then we get our next immunity and oh would you look at that... THREE people have to sit out meaning there's gonna surely be another chat with 5 people in it to say lets vote adam out AGAIN.......as soon as i saw this challenge my ptsd immediately was triggered and i was trying SO hard to sound like i wanted to be in one of the things even if i wouldnt have been good at it just so i could rest easy but it didnt really work out, in fact the highlight of the challenge was actually me and duncan and our contribution of sitting on the sidelines looking pretty while they all flopped but bless their hearts at least they tried, so now we're going back to tribal, and again i didnt compete in immunity which apparenly is cause for a target now so ... im HOPING that doesnt happen again, and if it does then i probably deserve to go home! i was kinda just.... not in the mood to talk to anyone much of yesterday or even today just because um.... i didnt want to dfakdfs mostly due to that dumb bitch DeDe Pressión just making me wanna do nothing but lay in bed and torture myself by watching more real survivor but i woke up today in a better mood, the moods they come and they go, much like me i love being elusive so hopefully people just dont think im like such dumb bitch who doesnt wanna talk or whatever, because believe it or not the gorls can be so hateful over you not being able to recite their whole life story back to them at the final triabl! they ripped me to shred my first season because i couldnt tell them so and so had a purple sheep back on the farm in late october 2007 like gorl plea .... so yeah ive been trying to talk to more people today to compensate, not sure where it will go, it did reassure me a bit that liam messaged me like RIGHT after the challenge and began already saying stuff about connor like ooh gorl michael_jackson_i_love_this_song.gif, but i just need to be careful because i dont want to seem like im the one controlling the vote, because odds are im gonna get made to look a fool and ill go home, or be left in the dark, but im gonna try to have slightly more faith in these people and hope they're buying what im selling, because it's pretty good stuff, i just want to feel like im the most expensive iphone in the store you know, like i want to be able to say im building relationships nonetheless and will make people come running to ME with information but who knows. I'm either playing decently and in a good spot right now, or im a fucking delusional schizophrenic so im hoping tribal reveals something like that one way or another. at least if i get voted off i can stop letting this game stress me the HELL out in the middle of a fucking pandemic

When AJ leaves and you can trust your new alliance with the beauties and Jakey https://media.tenor.com/images/b4c2f5c658c1d3ade7e506ee7ffe3c5e/tenor.gif When you win your first tribal immunity challenge of the season https://i.imgur.com/8xzlbRW.gif When you don’t have to see Alyssa and Jess at tribal https://media.giphy.com/media/6nuiJjOOQBBn2/giphy.gif My tribe when I get to go to bed early because I don’t have to stay up stressing about tribal https://media.vanityfair.com/photos/58c16a15208b4945c3920cf0/master/w_1600%2Cc_limit/nicole-kidman-seal-clap.gif

Second tribal of the game for me and I am feeling good once again. i see myself in a position where I dont think i am being targeted and I really just have room to grow and form my social relationships. I feel bad for connor cause I think he will be going home barring anything crazy happening. He was someone I wanted to work with going into this game, but ill be honest his social game is just abysmal he needs to talk to people more. I originally thought he was just not talking to me cause he assumed we were good but apparently everone feels like they cant have a convo with him. Its way too early for me to do something crazy and deviate so I think hes gonna be blindsided tonight. Maybe I want to lock down a final 2 with TJ soon im starting to trust him more and more and hopefully he feels the same way. Im pretty confident that were gonna merge at 12 because thats the first time my legacy advantage is coming into play but im not sharing that information, that power is as locked to the chest as can be I will not tell a soul all game about it, thats how you become a fan favourite game changer sierra dawn thomas and I will not be her, married to joe anglim what a thought. Im off focus, either way Ive talked a lot about feeling very rocky in this game so far and feeling like I havent found my footing, but Im getting a foundation built now and once I get going, theirs no stopping me.

Is it seriously only Day 14..? Ugh, this game drags on for so, so long. Tonight is gonna be deja vu of Kvaloya in which I once again send home Connor, hopefully unanimously again. I respond to his fucking messages, and he's doing his best Amanda Kimmel "go girl, give us nothing!" impersonation right now. It's ANNOYING. I can't work with someone who does this!

oh duncan. oh duncan duncan duncan. every single time we play together you underestimate me as a player and it is infuriating? so this time you don't want an alliance with me? that's fine... but don't think i wont find out. i'm literally my blood is boiling that he thinks he can get away with this... grr. but also i love autumn for telling me, it shows me i can trust her and we are gonna go the distance. anyway so i do think connor is going to leave tonight and me freaking out will only make it me instead... so i will go with it. but now im waiting to see what jordan and tj say... and to see if they tell me. i dont think tj will tell me, but i do think jordan BETTER. i'm defending him to autumn, so he owes me plus he says we are a duo so he better JKASLDFAF. so now? i feel like i need to trust adam and stop being so nervous to trust him... he is on the bottom with me and we need to flip this upside DOWN. if me/adam link up, that will be good... because im not down to be stuck on the bottom for more than a vote... being on the bottom is how to go home and that's not my thing

So now that the vote is looming, I think that we have it fully on Connor now. Duncan and I came up with the fake vote of Adam which Connor seemed to take? Although he's asking questions that seem fishy, so let's just hope he buys it. And Duncan and I made an alliance of me, him, Jordan, and Autumn which is perfect to have going into merge. I still need to figure out how best to integrate the two so that they can know Jakey is going to work with us but not enough so that they don't know that me/Jakey/Jordan also have an alliance together. But this is awesome going into the next round, and I'm just praying that we don't see an idol played, because that would be DISASTER!

the way i've called adam shady for days and days and now i trust him one of the most? wow a growth arc. i'm still heated about duncan. he is SOO likable and charismatic, and is someone who is genuinely always just fun to play with? so him being in this gamebot really dry state is so frustrating because ik if he just relaxed and let his natural personality out he would snap?! he is just so fixated on doing well this season that he is getting in his own way (at least imo, but this is coming from mr im not in an alliance so im bitter KJSAFD). so anyway now that duncan is not a viable ally anymore, i need to solidify the other connections... and i think adam and autumn are the move. adam is clearly just desperate for allies and while he is over-eager, i think he is earnest so ill stop being paranoid about him. autumn is just a queen and a goddess so im gonna stick with her too... liam is lovely too... i just want duncan OUTTTTTTTTTTT he will not get away with this, i am the meddling kid(s) who will ruin his plans... will duncan go to the end as the gamebot leader... well... https://gph.is/2dmg9hV

also can i just say i love tj?! like i sent duncan very similar messages about feeling like i've been out of it, and the difference in their responses is remarkable: tj: I think everyone understands that you haven't been 100% the last few days, so I doubt anyone is going to fault you for that. And everyone knows that it's a game, real life does come first. like... sweet, supportive without being patronising? validating duncan: and i don't think things have really kicked off over here yet, i think its going to be an "easy vote" but we'll see what happens duncan.... immediately to game, almost his own conversation... i'm... over it?

well we have tribal in just a few hours, and tonight it's gonna be pretty clear cut in the sense that, ill finally have answers because um it's either gonna be me or connor ive been doing my best to lead this smear campaign against him, only because he made the wrong move by coming for me first and continuing to lie to my face about it so at this point i wish i felt bad but i dont. I could be completely delusional but I do think it's working because people have come to ME first and said they want to vote connor, because of both what i was saying and because he just hasnt been talking to many people besides right after the challenge so like... people can see how transparent that is pls also because MULTIPLE people have approached me first today telling me he plans on voting me out so unless they're specializing in some hardcore reverse psychology...i think i have a shot at it being 7-1 connor but once again i literally could be being made out to be a whole ass goof and not even know. or even worst have got all the numbers on my side but then get idol'ed out fdhaskj both very likely scenarios because things never seem this easy in this game ive been trying my best to get to know people and i feel like im slowly connecting more with some of them, so i guess tonight at tribal will be a test on those relationships because all the people ive been talking to will either, believe me, trust me, and wanna play with me, or theyre gonna listen to connor and vote me out, and honestly if they vote me out over him then i completely deserve to go home because clearly im doing something wrong my biggest fear is im hoping i havent come off too strong trying to play by painting this narrative of the old hathor's and connor being so against me, because while yes obviously i want connor gone for my own reasons, the trick is i dont want people to think im leading a charge against him (even tho i absolutely am) because i dont want that kinda target on me but truly who the fuck knows, i could very well go home but idk. this game is like walking into a serial killer convention and trying to stay alive, that's how i feel like im putting my faith in the hands of killers, it's making a bitch shook so i guess we'll see but in a perfect world..... connor will leave....which may look bad because of old tribe lines, but im really trying to wor any magic i have to where me being the only beauty on this tribe would be beneficial for me to hopefully be sought after by any brawns or brains, but if you ask me old tribe lines are about to be nonexistent. even though there will be 4 brawns next round, ive been trying to connect to some of them in the hopes that theyll ditch any old alliance they have to work with me but only time will tell so um yeah keep me in your thoughts and prayers pls

Not gonna lie, I haven't done much of anything this round but I don't mind it! Sometimes I just wanna be a lazy bitch yknow? But yeah, Thoth FINALLY beat its 0 challenge wins curse and we won immunity which I am thankful for given tribal would've been extremely messy? With the Kendall vote last round (which I think was Jakey or Jakey telling Dan to do so), who knows what would've been the outcome! Yay for safety <3

hiiiii no video because i no longer want to do them. let the record show that i was the 1st to say adam's name, if he goes, i did that. if i go, i did that.  

i didn't make a confessional this round and tribal is about to start! im going to expect connor to go but this would be a shitty last confessional if i go home tonight. I'm hoping to establish trust within this new tribe. Wish me luck! XOXO Gossip Girl. also my dog just ate the cake i left on the counter >.> thats why im late.

I can't give y'all a real confessional right now cause Cagayan has me screaming but I believe Connor is going home 7-1 and I gave the green light to an alliance I plan on turning on whew so see y'all soon

So basically, tribal happened, beauties lost a number unanimously, theres pros and cons to this. Pros: ppl think the idol left, beauty is less threatening, we show loyalty to more people and build relationships. Bad: someone lied. that kendall throw away vote was to ensure a beauty went home in case aj played an idol, and everyone claims it wasnt them, so someone on this tribe has a case of the LIE-ABETES. * anyway, here is Shit I learned today aka dirt on ppl: 🎃Devon - told me that dan was afraid of an all beauties thing 🎃Jakey - told me dan Ali him and Jordan were a majority - told me Ali has the idol - told me Ali is a rat who warned lovelis - called Adam annoying and ugly - said he wants Devon out next - thinks Devon voted kendall 🎃 scott - told me Devon screwed him over and got himself voted out on brains - told me autumn and Duncan are a duo 🎃 Dan - told jakey that he thinks the brains tribe voted kendall to divide beauty and brawn 🎃 kendall - hidden secret alliance with Jakey - hates dan 🎃 augusto - super close with Devon - wants to blindside Jakey - thinks Jakey is the kendall vote