#i technically took a really long break after the first 2 and a half hours of the video but

[friendly-neighborhood-hermit]

Tfw you sit through an 8, almost 9 hour long video of an in-depth recap of the Five Nights at Freddy's lore, with almost no breaks, even though you already know pretty much everything about the series

[mychoombatheroomba]

The Crucible (Part 2)

Between the Bones (Leon x GN! Reader) - Chapter 50

The test ends.

(Cross-posted from Ao3)

I had someone ask me to be tagged in upcoming chapters, so if anyone would like to be added to the tag list, just ley me know!

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Chapter Index

In the last year and a half, you’d found yourself caught in many situations you felt ill-prepared for. You’d encountered the reanimated corpses of your comrades, your brothers in arms. You’d survived wounds that should have been the end of you. You’d been recruited into a secretive program to fight man-made monsters. You’d fallen for a man you’d never have met if it weren’t for all the horror you both endured. 

You’d been stabbed, burned, tortured, and you’d survived. You’d found a way through. 

You could navigate this conversation, too. Somehow. 

All you had to do was not make yourself look guilty of treason. 

Easy-fucking-peasy. 

“You’re not to be out of the barracks.” Reed approached you with a superior look in his eye. Fitting, given he technically was your superior. As much as you might hate that fact. 

Luckily, you had more than one man you took your orders from, these days. 

“Krauser asked me to keep setting wire charges for the mornings.” The lie came so easily to you, though maybe that was because the evidence to support it was literally hanging off your shoulder. The duffel bag held all the little components to make the traps your Major had taught you how to set up. 

Just setting charges, like normal. Not breaking into your office. Not reading your reports-

Your thoughts were so loud in your head you worried that they might escape you, somehow. Still, you willed yourself to be stone. Just as the man in front of you was. 

Or, more accurately, just as he normally was.

Reed’s long nose crinkled as he looked down at the bag, then back up to you. “I wasn’t aware of this.” 

“Didn’t know he had to tell you.” It was sharper than was smart, but you felt like you were backed into a corner . . . but then Reed hadn’t made any accusations yet, had he? “Didn’t know you were supposed to be out here, either.” 

Reed shrugged at that. “I can go where I please.” 

“So what brought you out here?” 

His eyes narrowed, and he reached into his pocket. A silver lighter was what he pulled out, one that he flipped open and then closed. Something you wouldn’t expect from the man, when in all the months he’d been here, all the weeks you’d been out late setting up lines with Krauser, you’d never once seen Reed smoke. But before you could voice that- “Bad habits, unfortunately.” He slid the lighter back into his pocket, then, studying you. “Maybe we have that in common.” 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” 

“You’re very close with the Major . . . aren’t you?” 

What the hell-

“He’s my commanding officer.” 

“And you spend a lot of time with your commanding officer. A lot of time in your off-hours,” Reed observed, and what the actual fuck was happening right now? “He gives you permissions far beyond your rank-”

“He likes things to be handled by competent people, I guess.” 

“Does he now?” Reed raised a brow, his eyes sharpening, and you were so thoroughly thrown off your guard you let the silence stretch a few moments between the two of you. “I can understand some familiarity. He did save your life, after all.” 

“Guess he wouldn’t have had to if that soldier had gone for my throat, right?” you hissed, because those words had been a splinter in you all day. One that you couldn’t get out, that festered. 

“I suppose not.” 

Fuck it. 

He knew something. He had some involvement with bioweapons. He’d known before STRATCOM asked him to help train recruits. And if the reports Krauser had were really all the incidents the government had on file, then there was only so much Reed and Hellman could have been involved with. 

The operation to retrieve the G-Virus . . . or the first communication with Birkin himself.

If you weren’t just pulling theories out of your ass.

Time to find out if you were. 

“Been thinking about that,” you said, your eyes cutting through the dark, aiming for him. “You were right. That soldier should have made sure I was dead.” Reed knew you were setting up something, you could see it in his eyes. The bastard was gracious enough to let you do it - not that you gave him much time to speak and interrupt that line of thought. “And our government should have arrested the man who made a biological weapon of mass destruction, but they didn’t. They made a deal with him. And now we’re all paying the price for some idiot’s actions.” 

You watched the agent’s face carefully. Watched as something raged against the cage of stoicism he’d built around himself. The corner of his mouth curled. “Now how did you learn about that?” he asked, and the two of you might as well have been circling each other with knives. 

And you would have to answer that question very carefully, or he’d be able to bleed you. 

“How did you?” you asked, and Reed actually smiled. 

Krauser’s smile usually meant trouble, at least when it came to training. It meant a challenge. This? That smile felt more like a snake baring its fangs. “Oh, Sergeant, you don’t want to play this game with me.” 

“I’m not playing.” The words were steel. “I want to know why any idiot would think that trying to make a deal with someone like that would be a good idea.” 

“Dealing with Birkin was a necessary compromise,” Reed hissed, taking a step forward, trying to back you towards the mess hall. You couldn’t smell any traces of cigarette smoke on him as he got close. “A force that is willing to do whatever it takes is the one that will remain in power.”

“Sure,” you felt rage rising like bile in your throat. “Just better hope it doesn’t kill our own people in the process, right?” 

“Sacrifices are a part of war,” Reed said, his tone devoid of any empathy. “I thought soldiers were supposed to know that. But then, soldiers are also supposed to follow orders. They’re supposed to not scrape for classified intel. And they’re supposed to not fraternize with their comrades . . . but here we are.” 

A muscle in your face twitched, and Reed smiled wider. Satisfied. 

“You’re done for the night. Get back to your barracks.” 

In the end, the two soldiers he pulled from night patrol to escort you back made it a difficult order to refuse. And so, you lay in your bunk, staring up at the ceiling. Good thing you were used to sleepless nights, because you had too many thoughts to sort out. 

Fraternizing. But Reed hadn’t spoken of Leon. No, he’d spoken of Krauser, and that thought . . . 

You tried not to focus on it too much, because for all his bluster, Reed had slipped. You’d seen the reports in his office. You’d read the matching ones Krauser had given you over and over again. Birkin’s name had been blacked out on each and every one of them, but Reed had just spoken that name to you. 

It left you exhausted as the hours passed by, but-

⧫⧫⧫

The purpose of the test was exhaustion. 

Leon had known that when he first heard the timeline of it. Fifty-four hours in the woods, with limited rations and even more limited sleep. Days full of physical and mental exertion. 

He wanted to sleep, he really did. Even if they were only being given four hours for it. Still, he hadn’t accepted any arguments from the others when he volunteered for a night shift. It was only right, in his mind. He’d been given the responsibility of leading during the test. He’d watch over everyone while they took their well-deserved rest. 

Valeria had insisted on taking the second watch, but for now she slept alongside the others on the forest floor, rifles at their sides. Ready for anything, just as Krauser had trained them to be. 

Leon half expected a tear gas canister to sail into their campsite. 

Or for Krauser to just storm in and start slicing proverbial throats. 

All that to say, Leon was keeping his focus on the space around the squad, listening for any signs of danger. 

And that was likely why he overheard the raised voices in the distance. 

Leon’s brow furrowed - because he’d recognize Krauser’s voice anywhere. He’d know the tone it took when the man was upset, too. 

He should just leave it. He knew that. 

That didn’t stop him from shaking Valeria awake, though, just in case. She grumbled when he whispered that he was going to check something out but took up his watch anyway. So, once the rest of the group had someone watching over them, Leon slunk off into the dark. He’d just proved earlier in the day that he could move quietly, but that didn’t make it any less difficult now. The shadows helped him move unnoticed, though, hiding him from the lights Leon found himself moving towards. 

There was a command tent set up in the woods, big enough to no doubt house Krauser, Hellman, and the other drill sergeants that traded out with them. A lantern dimly shined through the gaps in the canvas, letting Leon see movement inside. 

“He’s a fucking problem, Hellman, and you know it!” Krauser’s voice was not so easily confined as the light was. 

The response was mostly lost, until Leon moved closer. 

“ . . . perhaps drastic-” 

“Two of my men have had bones broken or dislocated under his watch. That’s not drastic, it’s incompetence at best,” Krauser shot back, and Leon’s jaw clenched. Reed. There was no one else they could be talking about. 

“And are you suggesting it was intentional at worst?” 

“He didn’t seem all that broken up about it.” A third voice, one Leon also recognized as Doc’s. 

There was a pause before Hellman spoke again. He sounded as tired as Leon felt. “You told me that he didn’t lay a hand on the injured recruit this time-”

“But we all know that wasn’t the case before.” Krauser reminded the agent, and Leon felt himself be thrown back several weeks. He was struck then with the memory of Hellman looking at him through two sets of prison bars, the sound of fists impacting flesh. The sound of your scream- “He’s losing us men. That’s all there is to it. Training them hard I have no problem with. Crippling them before they can even fight? That’s unacceptable, and I want him gone.” 

“You know I don’t have the authority to make that decision.” 

“Then we find someone who does!” 

“Major,” Hellman said, and Leon couldn’t miss the sympathy in his voice. “Reed is a difficult man, I know that. But he has always put the interests of our nation first. We wouldn’t be aware of Umbrella’s part in what’s happened without him.” Leon balked at that, the implications settling in his gut. “He has his reasons for doing what he’s doing, but . . . I understand what you’re saying. I’ll speak with him when we get back.” 

There was a huff. “You will,” Krauser ordered, leaving no room for debate. 

 A moment later the tent’s flap was thrown open and Krauser stormed out, absent his usual beret and wearing an expression of pure and utter frustration. He reached up, pressing a hand to his forehead, letting out a ragged sigh. Leon watched from the shadows of the forest, sympathy in his chest along with worry. 

He held on to those emotions as Krauser rounded the corner, heading towards the Humvee Leon could barely make out nearby, and the younger man took that as his cue to leave. 

“What was it?” Valeria asked in a hushed voice when he returned, and Leon grimaced in the dark. 

“Someone got hurt back on base. Reed was watching, I guess.” 

A scoff heralded Valeria’s response. “What a dick.”

A dick who’d been the reason the US government knew about Umbrella. And if that was so, Leon could only ask himself one question-

⧫⧫⧫

How did he know?

It plagued you into the morning, keeping you from sleep. That, and the veiled threats Reed had thrown at you in the night. 

Fraternization. Did he know? Or was he jumping to conclusions with the wrong man? You weren’t sure. Whatever the case, he wore a smug look the next morning, one that held disdain for you when you reported for First Call. 

But you weren’t being suspended from duty. So, he hadn’t told anyone his theory. Not yet.

Instead, Reed seemed to be taking his punishment out on the whole unit. He’d doubled the distance you all normally had to go for your morning run, and by the time breakfast rolled around, everyone was more than happy to dig in to the food offered, even if it tasted like shit on the best of days. Everyone but you, because you were rescued from that fate by one of Doc’s assistants. Even if Reed protested, having someone else remind him of your orders helped. 

There wasn’t much to do that morning, though, so you were pretty sure that the assistants just did it because hatred of the agent was spreading through the base like wildfire. 

So, you, them and Grayson hid out in the infirmary, eating the food that Doc had left for you. Pasta this time - a big tub of it that you all divided up and reheated. There wasn’t quite enough for everyone, but one of the two assistants volunteered up her share to Grayson before you even had the opportunity. She went to the mess hall instead, and you were left in the peace of the infirmary. It wasn’t exactly a talkative breakfast, but you were thankful for that. It gave you more time to think. To turn the night’s discoveries over in your head. 

Or, more accurately, the pieces of discoveries. 

You weren’t sure if those pieces fit together to make the actual puzzle become clear, or if your spite was leading you to force things to fit an image in your head. 

All you knew was that Reed was a bastard. That he wanted you gone, one way or another. That he was all but accusing you of sleeping with your commanding officer, if he wasn’t accusing you of fraternization in general. You were sure that he’d encountered BOW’s or at least knowledge of them before, and you were sure that he knew Birkin’s name and role in the talks with the government. 

You just couldn’t be sure of how he knew. 

That didn’t change the feeling in your gut though; the idea eating away at you, even as you went about your day. Birkin would have covered his tracks well. What he was doing might as well have been suicide, if the wrong people discovered his treachery. So, it begged the question - the same question that Alenko had voiced not so long ago:

How did Umbrella find out? Who ratted him out about the deal with the CIA?

Maybe Umbrella discovered it on their own. Or maybe someone tipped them off to Birkin’s actions. And if that were the case . . .

If Reed had been one of the few to be in a position to know, to do something . . .

If, if, if. 

So many ifs. So much depended on your hunch being right. 

All of those ifs and maybes, and one filled you with dread more than any other.

What if you were right? 

You didn’t know. You didn’t know what you would do because how could you present any evidence? You had none, save for inference from stories you shouldn’t have heard, and the reports hidden in your bunk that you shouldn’t even possess. Reports that, you decided, you desperately needed to return to Krauser’s office. You’d held on to them for too long, and Reed would be watching you now. You could feel his gaze on you all day long as he pushed you and the rest hard under the blazing July sun. 

Enough that, after the lunch you mercifully skipped to go to the infirmary, one of your comrades could take no more, it seemed, and doubled over, spewing her meal into the dirt. 

You grimaced but went to help her up when Reed deigned it not important enough to interfere. Unsurprisingly. The recruit brushed you off when you asked if she was alright, but she looked pale. That didn’t change over the rest of the afternoon, but she pushed through, even as the amount of exertion from the day left her and many others looking ill. 

And all the while, Reed’s eyes were fixed on you, some unseen equation in his head. You could see it - the two of you trying to assess each other. To understand one’s enemy. 

“Sergeant,” he ordered as you all reported for melee sparring, “let’s have another demonstration. See if all that time you’ve been spending with the Major is paying off.” 

You brushed off the insinuation as best you could, because even if he had the wrong man, the implication of his words . . . 

Didn’t matter now. Not until he made a formal accusation, you supposed. In the moment, you had opponents to deal with. Ones that were just as exhausted as you were, but opponents nonetheless. It was a familiar scenario that Reed set up for you, one that you’d been through a dozen times; your comrades lined up, stepping in to face you as you defeated the previous attacker. When Krauser had set such a challenge for you, though, you knew it was because he wanted to force you to be better. 

With Reed, you knew he only wanted to see you fail. 

Well, fuck him. 

You knocked your first opponent into the dirt. 

Disarmed the second. 

They didn’t put up much of a fight. Not like they usually did. A fact that concerned you, but still, you pressed on.

On and on, opponents were sent to face you-

⧫⧫⧫

And on and on, Leon fought them back. 

He could remember a time, not so long ago, when he’d watched you fight your way through his squad, one after the other. He remembered thinking that such a feat was impossible for him. That he would never be able to hold a candle to your abilities. 

Now, he was proving himself wrong. 

King of the hill. That was what Krauser had declared these fights would be. Winner gets to stay in the ring - a twenty-foot wide structure made of wood. One person lost the fight and was sent out, the next combatant was sent in. That meant only one winner by the end of it all. One fighter out of ten. Winner would be spared from whatever exercise was coming next, that was the deal.

Leon had been the third person to fight, and now, he was on his seventh opponent. Sweat dripped down his face and back under the oppression of the heat, his body sore and demanding rest. Still, he kept going. He ducked under swings and delivered counter cuts, kept his movements small and his mind sharp. It was enough that as Alejandro made a misstep, Leon was able to take advantage of it, his knife slashing forward as the other man went to switch his weapon from one hand to the other. 

Blunted metal met fabric and pressed against flesh. 

Two left. 

Two opponents. 

There was no BOW spin to this test. Nothing to make it seem like they were fighting a monster. This was a test of one’s skill against a person. The very thing Leon had struggled so hard with, in the beginning. Now, as Valeria stepped into the ring with him, knife in hand, Leon felt none of the anxiety he once experienced. None of the fear. 

Only the desire - even if you weren’t here to see it - to make you proud. 

Valeria put up a good fight. 

Leon would expect nothing less of her, but in the end, he had come to expect her scraping up dirt to throw in his eyes, or going for headshots. 

As she went for one, her knife aimed high, Leon spun low, using the same move that Krauser had knocked him down with just a few nights ago. It would have worked, too, if Valeria hadn’t read the next attack, spelled out in his exhaustion. Or, maybe she’d just intended to use the high attack as a feint. Either way, Leon hoped she’d intended to aim for something other than what she hit as he swung his leg out at hers. The attacks landed at the same time, and Leon was sure that him sweeping her supporting leg out from under her hurt a hell of a lot less than the shin that crashed into his face. 

His vision blurred as pain cracked into his nose and mouth, and then both he and Valeria were on the ground, groaning in pain. Copper flooded his mouth, warmth spilling down his lips and cheeks as he blinked. 

Ah, well, maybe he’d gotten overconfident . . .

But no immediate attack followed. He looked to where Valeria had fallen, seeing her up . . . but not attacking. She looked almost concerned. 

“The hell you doing, Soto?” Krauser asked, and Leon, even with what felt like a broken nose, smiled at her answer. 

“Letting him get a free shot in,” she admitted, giving him an apologetic smile. “Busted his face, seems only fair.”  

It would hurt her performance, Leon knew that, but she was doing it anyway. 

So, Leon pushed himself off the ground and threw himself into the fray again, not giving her the chance to really ready herself. You would have been pleased with that, and Krauser was too. At least in part. 

The fight ended in a few moves, Leon using a few feints of his own. When Valeria backed away from a slash, then rushed back in, Leon met her with a hard kick to the chest. She slammed backwards into the makeshift wall of the arena, and Leon pinned his knife to her throat there. 

“You okay?” were the first words she spoke to him, and Leon just nodded despite the blood dripping down his face. 

“Fine. You?” 

A laugh. “Fine.” 

Krauser stepped into the arena as Leon lowered his knife, the Major’s gaze a blade in and of itself. “Don’t let your enemy get back up, Soto,” he growled, “you know that.” 

“I do, sir,” Valeria nodded, sighing and letting exhaustion weigh her shoulders down. “You know me and my overconfidence,” she groaned, like it was some great enemy of hers. 

Krauser didn’t appreciate the joke. “If you know, then fix it, dipshit. Get out of here.” Valeria didn’t need to be told twice, throwing Leon a wink and rolling her shoulders as she left. “You good to keep going, rookie?” The question turned Leon’s attention to the Major once more, and Leon just huffed, spitting out some of the blood in his mouth. 

“Never been better, sir.” 

It wasn’t the first time he’d fought with a bloody nose, and it wasn’t the first time he’d won with one, either. Williams gave him a run for his money, but in the end, she overcommitted to a strike, and gave Leon the time that he needed. He was exhausted by the time it was done, panting as he slashed his practice knife across Williams’ stomach. 

He tried to decline the prize. 

It would be bad for morale if the squad leader sat out while everyone else did a hundred pushups, Leon argued. Even if it would just bring him more exertion. 

Krauser had scoffed at the idea, shaking his head and telling Leon that he could do two-hundred if he was so inclined, but he’d do it after a medic saw him. Made sure he wasn’t concussed. 

So Leon found himself in the care of one of Doc’s assistants. The woman had swapped out with her mentor just before the melee test started. Leon recognized her - he’d seen her more than a few times when he’d come to visit you in the infirmary. 

She had never looked so pale, then. 

He watched her carefully, his brow furrowed in concern as she checked him over and gave him things to stop the bleeding in his nose. Her movements were sluggish, her face drawing into a grimace when she thought he wasn’t looking. “Are you okay?” he finally asked. 

He was given a surprised look and a not entirely-convincing nod. “I’m alright.” 

Leon nodded, but when he returned to the rest of the group, he couldn’t shake the feeling that-

⧫⧫⧫

Something was wrong. 

You’d felt the thought scratching at the door since afternoon. Someone getting sick from exertion wasn’t unheard of. This wasn’t someone, though. 

Not when you had a dozen beds full in the infirmary, and Doc was struggling to make sense of it all. There wasn’t much you could do, honestly. Most of the men and women who’d come in just lay in bed coughing wet air from their lungs or sitting hunched over buckets. 

A dozen of them. 

A dozen people, all coming down with the same sickness at the same time. 

A sickness that left them growing more and more pale as the sun dipped below the sky. And it didn’t continue to be just that dozen. Their fevers worsened, their complaints of aches growing and growing as others joined in, hobbling towards the infirmary-

Something was very, very wrong. 

By Doc’s expression, he knew it too. 

“Come on,” he gestured to his assistant, then to you. “Let’s get them some water.” 

The three of you didn’t make it more than two steps outside the main sick bay before Doc closed the door behind him . . . then locked it. “Go secure the other door,” he ordered his assistant, and you felt something rising up in you. Choking you. Cutting off your air with a familiar grip . . . 

But this wasn’t . . . 

It couldn’t be . . .

“Sergeant.” An order. Give me an order. Something to do. Some way to help. “Get to the comms tower. Tell the Major there’s a situation.” 

A situation. 

A non-committal word. Because a situation could be resolved. De-escalated. 

That was all this was. 

That had to be all this was. 

You and Doc were just being cautious. Quarantine was a safe play. Alerting Krauser was the smart thing to do. 

So, you nodded, trying to ignore the way your own stomach lurched. Praying it was just nerves and not something else. 

“Sergeant?” Grayson asked, poking his head out of the room that had been yours for so many weeks. His arm was in a sling, but otherwise, he looked fine. “Is something wrong?”

“Get back in your room.” The order was given without even a second glance at your fellow cadet. “Lock the door. Don’t open it for anyone but me or Doc.” 

If Grayson was frightened by the command, you didn’t see it. You were too busy storming out of the infirmary, heading towards the comms station. A place you’d spent little time in, during your tenure here. It was a long walk there, one that felt longer and longer as your thoughts closed in on you, a hungry pack with gnashing teeth. They nipped at your heels, your head snapping towards the sound of a hacking cough in the distance. 

Get to the comms. 

Tell Krauser. 

Get back and-

You were half-way across the base when it happened, passing through the training yard that you’d spent so many evenings in. There was no music coming from Krauser’s office, given the man wasn’t there, but if there had been, it would have been cut off. Just as surely as the lights were. 

You stopped mid-stride as the streetlights, the buildings, everything, was plunged into near darkness in the gray, fading light of dusk.

And for a moment, your heart stopped with it when, in the dark you heard it:

⧫⧫⧫

Footsteps. 

Leon hadn’t been sure he’d heard it. In all honesty, there was too much other movement from his squad to be sure. They were getting ready to set up camp for the night, Alejandro volunteering to take up watch. The last night of the test - the final stretch. The group, Leon included, was exhausted, more than happy to bunk down for the four hours of rest, eating what little of their MRE’s were left in the stretching shadows of the trees. It had been a moment of rest. A brief reprieve. 

And it ended with those shuffling footsteps. A cautious voice. “Hey, guys, we’ve got-”

And then a scream. 

Leon was on his feet in an instant, his gun raised and ready for whatever test Krauser had planned . . .

But then there was a wet ripping sound. A splattering, a choked cry . . . and in the dim, fading light, Leon saw crimson as a body fell to the forest floor. 

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Tag list (if you'd like to be added, just let me know)!

@greywardensaywhat

[aniika-portfolio]

QUICK FIX: Instax film jammed

I was caught up in a film jam in my Instax Mini 8. The first thought that came into my mind was "Oh no! I broke my camera." The black slide (the first thing that slides up when you put a new film) was caught in the camera rollers. I panicked and said cursed words, for the new film I loaded was somewhat damaged. The film I loaded has its black slide already popping slightly on the film plastic covers (the black plastic at the top of the film).

Searched high and low, to the point where the article I read was talking about technical stuff. I don't know how to disassemble my Instax Camera (and it's super scary to do so.) But gladly I found valuable articles and videos, after internally panicking and saying,

This article offers tips and tricks in fixing your Instax Mini camera. Although it says "for Instax Mini 9", it worked for my Instax Mini 8 camera. Turned out my film camera needed a new pair of batteries. (Pro Tip: If you're not using your camera that much, get the batteries out of its compartment. That way, you can preserve its battery life, and you won't get any problems later on.)

However, if you're more into the actual process, than reading articles, this video really helped me solve this dilemma. Just a caution: you must do the pulling gently so that you won't break the back of the film and the little lever on the film compartment. And boy, the pulling process can be so hard!

Do the whole pulling process in a dark room (not necessarily the one being used by photographers), having your own room or inside a big closet will suffice. But if you don't have one, you can use pillowcases, topped with dark-colored pillowcases or fabrics, as long as you can create a dark environment. And also, turn off all the light sources (i.e. lamps, LED lights, fluorescent lights) We don't want the light to reach the film because it will result in pictures that are all-white.

The whole process, I guess, took me a good 2-3 hours. (Kind of forgot actually!) It won't take you a half-day to work on it. And a word of advice: Follow the whole video thoroughly! You must diligently listen and follow through. Don't watch a part of it then you say, you have it figured out. Because you may cause another problem that might lead to your camera breaking.

These photos are the ones I took after doing the operation. Just don't mind the dates, as to they're 5 months prior to the time I created this post. Also, mind you, only the black cover thingy was jammed in the film roller, so I was able to salvage 3 films. (The 2nd and 3rd photos are in Cebuano language. I translated it in the Pro Tip above.)

So, that covers my journey in fixing this film-jammed dilemma. Thank you for dropping by, and see you in my next blog post!

xoxo

Anikka <3

[hanazuma-inactive]

Hello! This is kind of a long request and well- Hopefully you’re fine with doing temporary Body Swap. :>

So basically Bakugou and his Male S/O are pro heroes and when out on a mission, they both get hit by a villain who has a swap quirk. Basically, they just swapped bodies. (Y/n is in Bakugou’s body and Bakugou is in Y/n’s body, they basically just switched minds.) They are told by the other pro heroes that the two should go home and take the day off. Unfortunately, nobody knows how long the quirk effect will stay, but they were convinced it was only temporary. So the two go back to their shared apartment and the day goes on pretty normal- besides the fact that, you know, they’ve swapped bodies. Though later Y/n gets a bit of an idea. What if he were to f*ck Bakugou in this body? The thought seemed kinda strange at first since he would literally be f*cking his own body, but he couldn’t deny that the thought was turning him on. Especially wanting to see Bakugou’s reaction. So, he basically handcuffs Bakugou to prevent him from struggling and.. while in the middle of doing it, something happens.. Shit! Why did it have to happen now?? Y/n panics in his head as he realizes they just swapped bodies again, and he is now at the mercy of Bakugou Katsuki himself..

I actually sent a request kinda similar to this to someone else but it was a while ago and they haven’t responded so they may not have liked it, or it just didn’t arrive. And sorry for choosing Bakugou again, you just may be able to figure out who my favorite character is.. Sorry for my rambling.

If you don’t wanna do it, that’s fine. Anyways, have a good day/night, man!

in his shoes (nsfw) bakugou x reader

pronouns: he/him

warnings: body swapping during sex, bottom and top reader+bakugou, selfcest (?), degrading, bratty behavior, claimming and possesive themes, bondage (handcuffs)

a/n: i really like this concept and i will write it don't worry 😎👍 i usually write all of my requests anyways. im also sorry this took literally 5 years.

_____

katsuki bakugou and y/n bakugou. the two of you have been married for 2 years now after you guys started working as heroes. you both went to UA and graduated at the top of the class. neither of you had time for love or romance resulting in neither of you confessing you feelings for each other. gladly, things managed to work out in the end.

"he's on it again, i need the bakugous here right now."

hearing the police force requesting your assistance, you and your husband show up on the case. it turned out to be the villain that the two of you couldn't capture the last time during patrol. 

"HEH?! look y/n, it's this motherfucker again. what's up with this loser, coming back every time it's annoying." 

"play nice now katsuki, let's just go and restrain him and let the police take care of the rest."

the two of you move quickly to match the villain's rapid movements. katsuki flew around using his quirk to attempt to catch him but failed. the villain was surprisingly agile and you guys had a tough time trying to chase him down. 

after around half an hour of chasing you finally cornered the villain on top of a tall building in the middle of the city that was still in construction. the ground was hard to walk on and somewhat unstable but you managed to find your balance. 

"alright, give it up, you've got nowhere to run now. 

"what he said, stop resisting and i won't blow your face off."

the villain's expression turned to fear as you started to close up on him. out of panic, he used his quirk. it was a small beam that didn't hurt at all. however, after a few seconds your body started to heat up, you looked over to katsuki and you could tell he was feeling the same. what was happening?

seeing the two of you struggling, the villain quickly left the scene but he had trouble moving around due to his surroundings. his movements were also somewhat impaired due to fatigue. it was most likely the aftereffect of his quirk which was why he was pretty reluctant in using it. 

the strange feeling in your chest wouldn't go away and your vision started to blur. next thing you know you woke up on top of the same building to see yourself lying next to you. was his quirk duplication? no it couldn't have been. you tried to stand up but felt the weight of some heavy armor dragging you down. you look down to see yourself wearing katsuki's hero costume and his gauntlet. still in awe, you heard a groan in your own voice next to you. 

"shit… wtf happened, y/n where are you where-" 

it didn't take long for your husband to find out what happened. 

the two of you have switched bodies.

you both tried to explain to the police who's who but it only ended in confusion. you went home with your husband after they put the two of you on break for "damaged mental" from the villain because the majority of the police thought you guys were crazy. 

there weren't any cases similar to body switching between heros before so the doctor said there's nothing that can be done other than attempting to wait off the effect. so there you were, in your husband's body, cooking dinner for the man while you saw your own body lazily sitting on the couch with your legs spread open watching the tv. 

life went as normal for the next two days, since you two were both males there weren't any problems whatsoever. however, one day a thought flew into your mind while taking a nap with katsuki. since he was the one who would usually top, now that you're in his body wouldn't it technically mean you get to top? 

physically you would be using your boyfriend's body to fuck yourself. but the thought of the all mighty bakugou katsuki taking his own dick, his bratty attitude, and lastly breaking him and making him fall apart by your touch aroused you in an indescribable way. you knew katsuki wouldn't agree to this due to his prideful personality so you had to take other measures to carry out your plan. 

you and kastuki had all sorts of toys laying around and you decided to give him a taste of his own medicine with them. while he wasn't looking you grabbed the vibrator, handcuffs, and blindfolds and put them all on the nightstand. now that everything is in place, all you have to do is wait to catch katsuki off guard tonight when he gets tired.

later tonight, after finishing dinner, katsuki was yet again sitting casually again on the couch watching tv, not giving a single care to the world. 

"heyy katsuki!"

"hm? yah?" 

"come with me for a second? i want to show you something!" you said with a sly grin on your face

katsuki didn't care enough to talk back, neither did he think this could lead to the ill intentions you had with him tonight. following you into the bedroom, you gestured katsuki to sit down on the bed. he obeyed although he began to have a suspicion of what you're about to do. using your new body, you abused katsuki's strong muscle and speed to restrain your own body with the handcuffs you prepare. there was no way for katuski to fight back in this situation because your body was simply not built enough to resist his. 

"h-huh? what are you doing dumbass…if you're joking s-stop it now, it's not funny." 

"oh i am very serious katsuki, now that i'm inside your body. i am going to fuck your brains out. i'm gonna thrust that bratty attitude of yours right out the window." 

hearing you say that, your husband looked away to avert his eyes while you heard a small gulp coming from his throat. you could tell he was nervous and that's exactly what you wanted. katsuki has never bottomed in his life before and he does plan on doing so either. 

finally having katsuki in your grasp, you decided to carry on with your plan. you put on the blindfold for him as he jolted in surprise. katsuki tried to get out of the handcuffs but later found his attempt futile. these were the toys he used for you too and he out of everyone should know it's impossible to get out of them. once your husband stopped moving you gentlt took off his pants, leaving him exposed wearing only your boxers with an erection under it.

"aww katsuki~ already hard and i haven't even done anything yet, maybe you're better off being the bottom hm?" you teased 

"s-shut up you shit head, just get on with it, whatever evil plan you have in store for tonight…"

"no need to rush katsuki" you said as you entered his asshole with 2 of your fingers, loosening him up for the vibrator. 

"we have the entire night."

you heard your own voice whimper as you explored more with your fingers. soon enough it was time to put the other toy in. your fingers left for a bit preparing the vibrator, leaving bakugou panting from the pleasure and clenching his hole around well, nothing. you turned on the vibrator and katsuki immediately noticed the familiar sound of what's in your hands. 

"o-oi y/n, don't put it in here, i-i won't be able to take it." 

"oh i'm sure you can~ you made me do it plenty of times, why can't the big and strong bakugou katsuki do it?"

without mercy, you put in the vibrator quickly and let the show play out. katsuki was moaning and groaning while you stroked your own cock enjoying the view. katuski's cock was bigger than yours and you weren't used to jacking off such a big dick but it was a nice first.

seeing a wet spot forming on katsuki's underwear, you knew he was ready to go. you took off katsuki's underwear to see the precum leaking from it, so much it looked like he was about to cum any second now. next, you took out the vibrator and started to spread some lube on your cock. you positioned yourself on top of the katsuki and teased his pink hole with your huge cock. 

"what do good boys say katsuki~?" 

"tch! i'm not saying it, y-you sadistic fuck."

you slapped katsuki's ass so loud that the neighbors probably could've heard you.

"i'm the one in control right now, you listen to what i say, understood?"

"f-fine, jesus christ! p-please y/n, put it inside me…" 

"that's a good boy…" 

after you fit ¾ of your cock in katsuki was already panting heavily trying to catch his breath. it reached his prostate you leaned down on his chest to bite on his nipples to make him feel even better. his hole clenched on your hole so tight you were barely able to move your cock around. you continued to make thrusts and sped them up each time. 

during your thrusts you suddenly felt the weird feeling when fighting the villain again. both you and bakugou's body started to burn up but it wasn't as painful as it was last time. next thing you know everything was pitch black. you felt a piece of black cloth on top of your eyes and a familiar size inside your ass. it didn't take you long to realize that you and bakugou finally switched back. 

you were glad to be back in your own body but why did it have to happen now?! out of all the times it could've happened this was no doubt the worst possible timing. you just teased the crap out of bakugou and now that he's in control again he can take his revenge right here, right now.

"oh? would you look at that…our bodies switched back…" you couldn't see katsuki say this but you could already tell the evil smile on his face. 

"k-katsuki i'm sorry, i didn't mean to tease you that hard i was just trying to have some fun y-y'know." you desperately tried to explain. 

"too late now baby boy… bad boys get punished for what they did. now… get ready, for the night of your fucking life." 

regret, nothing but regret. bakugou was already an aggressive person when it comes to sex, now that you pissed him off even more you weren't prepared for what he was about to do to you. 

without warning, katsuki pulled back his hips and thrusted into you harder than ever. you took his entire length right away and the full feeling in your ass was too overwhelming for you to handle. you started to blabber nonsense, unable to form words due to the pleasure. 

"c'mon baby… gotta speak up if you want me to understand you." bakugou said knowing damn well you can't talk back. 

incoherent moans and groans escaped from your mouth as you felt dry orgasms again and again from katsuki reaching your prostate. you were on the verge of passing out till you saw your husband's panting just as hard as you. you could tell he was very close as well. you tried your best to stay conscious and cum with your husbands. 

katsuki let out a loud moan as he cummed inside you. you reached your orgasm too cumming all over yourself. katsuki licked up the cum on your stomach as you slipped into sweet unconsciousness. he gave you a warm smile and patted your head as he took you into his arms and fell asleep with you. 

[crankynewt]

Back to the Future - Chapter Three

Live in Living Colour Series Masterlist

Masterlist

Summary: As you begin to remember who you and Peter really are, the truth of WestView is revealed as you attempt to break free from the endless mind games.

Pairing: Peter Maximoff x Reader

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: Major WandaVision Episode Seven spoilers!

A/N: Here’s the much anticipated continuation of Be Okay and Life Could Be a Dream! I had to take more creative liberties than I had intended since we got so little Peter last episode (which is even more of a crime than that beanie), but I hope you guys enjoy anyways! 

The hard ground was cold and damp beneath your cheek. Slowly opening your eyes, darkness was only met with more darkness. After your sight had adjusted to the gloom, you could make out a faint purple glowing coming from the walls. It was almost as if it was omitting from the tangled branches warping across the stone surface.

Pushing yourself off the ground, your bones ached as you used what little energy you had left to sit yourself up. There were no windows in the tiny room and the wooden door across from you was more than likely locked. It’s not like you even had enough power to move over there anyways.

With a sigh, you rubbed your palm against your forehead as you tried to figure out how you’d gotten there. The last thing you remembered was asking Wanda why Peter couldn’t remember you as your real memories came flooding back to your conscious mind.

You didn’t know how long you were falling when you landed on the cold evening grass. There was still just enough adrenaline left in your system for you to immediately jump to your feet, eyes glowing yellow as you raised your fists raised as you took in your surroundings. 

You were on the lawn of some mansion, the towering stone structure dimly illuminated by the lights left on in a few of the windows. Your heart raced as you turned around quickly, seeing nothing but hedges and grass on the massive lawn. 

Although your mind was still racing, you eventually reached the conclusion that knocking on the door was the best option. With your cape trailing behind you, you strode across the grass and up the driveway as you made your way to the front entrance. Despite how intimidating the massive oak doors would normally have seemed, you bravely reached up to the heavy knocker and slammed it down thrice. 

Rather than feeling anxious, you felt annoyed more than anything. Of course Thanos would send you somewhere far away from where you needed to be. You only hoped that this really was Earth and you weren’t stranded on some random planet.

You weren’t sure exactly how long it had been when a timid looking man with glasses finally opened the door.

“Can I help you with something?” He asked, furrowing his brow as he took in your super-suited form. A little part of you was almost embarrassed at your appearance, but there were more important things to worry about.

“Yeah, where am I?” You asked, crossing your arms and pursing your lips. 

“Uh, Charles Xavier’s School for the Gifted… I’m sorry, who are you?” He replied, opening the door slightly wider as his confusion intensified.

“(Y/N) (Y/L/N). And where is this school?” You said, pushing the topic even more. “We are on Earth, right?”

“Are we on Earth?! Why wouldn’t you be on Earth? That’s not just something you don’t know.” He retorted, and you could see the veins on his hand growing a startling shade of blue. You decided to ignore it, if this stereotypical scientist guy wanted to fight then you could easily take him out.

“Okay, so the titan behind the attack on New York a couple years ago, Thanos, is trying to gather these things called infinity stones to wipe out half the universe. Some of his goons were just trying to get the time stone from this wizard in New York, and Iron Man, Spider-Man and I wound up having to save him, which led to us winding up on Thanos’ home planet, Titan.” You explained, making gestures with your hands as you spoke. “Long story short we were there fighting and he opened some portal and dropped me through it and now I’m here.”

“Oh, that makes sense. Bye!” He began closing the door in your face until something, or rather someone, stopped him.

“Wait!” A British voice called from inside the school, prompting the glasses-clad man to open the door even wider than before. This new figure was bald and seated in a wheelchair, rolling closer to you with a curious gaze. “They’re not crazy Hank.” He addressed the man, who quickly stepped out of the way so that you could enter the building and closing the door behind you.

“Professor Charles Xavier.” He introduced himself, reaching out to shake your hand with a knowing gaze. “You are a long way from home, aren’t you. The reality you remember is much farther away and about thirty years in the future.”

“Wait, what?! Thanos yeeted me back to the eighties?!” You exclaimed, shock and terror flowing through your veins as a gust of air blew past you.

“What’s a ‘yeeted’?” A new voice asked and you suddenly noticed a silver haired boy leaning against the wall nonchalantly. “Are you some Marty McFly Back to the Future-character or something?”

You glared in response as you felt annoyed with this stranger and his childish antics. This was going to be a long night.

The memory of your first meeting with your beloved Peter was enough motivation for you to push yourself off the ground, wobbling on unsteady legs as you rushed to the door. Wiggling the knob to no avail, you took a few steps back and raised your hand in an attempt to blow it off it’s hinges.

“That’s not going to work, you know.” A familiar voice behind you spoke. Whipping around, you saw Agnes, except now her hair was tangled and her eyes were glowing purple.

“So you’re the one doing this. Not Wanda…” You said, sizing her up as the woman stroked the rabbit in her arms. 

“Oh no, Wanda is doing this, but I’m the one behind the wheel.” She bitterly smiled. “Agatha Harkness, dear. You see, I needed a Pietro for Wanda but the real one’s been dead just a little too long. Your ‘Peter’ was the perfect replacement, but unfortunately you tagged along when I ripped him from your reality.”

“Peter and Pietro are completely different, Wanda’s eventually gonna figure that out.” You snapped, growing more and more furious with each syllable passing through her lips. 

“Peter’s playing his part like a champ! He won’t be missing you anytime soon.” Each word was nails on a chalkboard to your ears. “But don’t worry about being lonely, you won’t be alone down here much longer.” With a swish and a flick of her fingers, Agnes disappeared into a swirl of purple and Tommy and Billy took her place.

“(Aunt/Uncle) (Y/N)!” They shouted, terrified and immediately running over to where you stood. You met them with open arms, holding the twins close in a hug as you whispered that everything was going to be okay in a failed attempt to comfort them. 

“Mom said Pietro isn’t really our uncle… Who is he?” Tommy questioned as you let go of the duo.

“He’s not… His name is Peter, and he’s from another reality. Your Mom’s brother died a long time ago, but Agatha brought  him over because technically they are the same person? I think? I’m not sure how it works, but they are both Maximoffs and Peter has a little sister named Wanda, too. It’s complicated, but that witch is controlling him.” You explained, answering questions that you didn’t really understand yourself. 

“You’re thinking really loud…” Billy commented, holding his head in his hands as he attempted to block out the noise of your mind rushing a hundred miles an hour.

You opened your mouth to respond, but before you could talk you felt a gentle tap in your mind. Then another, this prod slightly stronger. And again, the poking becoming quite the nuisance.

“Billy, please don’t try to read my mind.” You said, staring into space as you attempted to keep the child out of your thoughts.

“I’m not.” He replied, dropping his hands to his sides as me met your eyes with a look of confusion.

You matched his puzzlement, the poking continuing and becoming even harder to ignore. Maybe it was a lapse in judgement or your exhaustion catching up to you, but you decided to drop your defences and let this strange presence into your head.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N), can you hear me?” A voice in your head asked.

“Charles!”

Taglist:

@cspr-2 @lam-ila @sarcasticbitchs-things @calaryssia​ @ashleysimmons​ 

[w-a-t-e-r-m-e-l-o-n-e]

undercover boss

featuring: kozume kenma

warnings: none, sfw, fluff?? idrk, inspired by undercover boss, not proofread

kozume kenma x g/n reader

a/n: this sucks but I was in too much turmoil just starting it to not post it, it took me longer to motivate myself to write this than it did to actually write it LMAO

masterlist

meet not-so-cute

the new hire was getting on your nerves.

when a manager that certainly wasn’t yours had introduced him to you, you watched as he lazily took your outstretched hand and barely shook it. his gold eyes scanned you before he looked away uninterested.

now he watched you with mild interest as you showed him around the store, sprinkling insider info in between pointing out sections of the store. “that’s where the newest game displays go, employees get first dibs on new stock so be on the lookout. the employee discount is like, half the reason I work here,” you laughed, “and that concludes the tour, any questions?”

kenma shook his head slightly and went back to his phone. you sighed, “great. today you’ll just be shadowing me and tomorrow you can start doing some things with my assistance.”

he made a sound of acknowledgement without looking up. fantastic.

you’d been working at “add player 2?”, a gaming store/den, for the last few months. your shift manager had quit in a rage two weeks ago and no one had felt the need to hire a new one after seeing how well you could pick up the slack. that did mean though, that they needed a new employee to pick up your slack.

you busied yourself doing inventory and rechecking the store’s aisles before checking tasks off your clipboard. nonchalantly, kenma asked, “isn’t the manager supposed to double check inventory?”

with barely a glance, you answered, “there is no manager so I’ve taken over until they hire a new one.”

he raised his eyebrows, “are you getting paid more for this extra work?”

“nope, but it’s not a big deal. someone’s gotta run this place during my shift.”

with that, kenma shut his mouth and continued watching you. he couldn’t fathom doing extra work for no monetary reason.

to be honest, he had never visited this store during regular working hours. or any of the stores under bouncing ball corp. for that matter. every visit had included cameras and once, a red ribbon that he’d had to cut. he’d never seen it in action and he’d never imagined it could function with just one employee. technically two, but he wasn’t being especially helpful.

you sighed with a smile, looking at the organized aisles, “perfect. and just in time, store officially opens now.”

you propped open the doors and pulled an extra stool behind the counter, gesturing for kenma to sit down. “now we wait.”

after watching you bounce around the store like some sort of customer service fairy, kenma felt bad enough to offer to help with cleaning. in spite of your complaints, he brushed you off, saying it was simple and he couldn’t possibly mess it up. you were busy tending to customers, he could handle a broom. it was almost worth it to see the grateful smile you flashed him and a mouthed ‘thank you’.

which is why he felt bad that you were spending your lunch break fixing a switch case display he knocked over in the process of moving a box to the backroom.

“it’s really ok kenma, I usually don’t even eat lunch since it requires closing the store so this is like a break for me.”

that somehow made him feel worse.

he grabbed the cases in your hands and tugged on your sleeve, “come on. lunch is on me.”

you started to protest. you could get fired for closing the store for even thirty minutes, much less however long lunch would take based on how kenma seemed to be getting his keys. he scoffed, “I promise you don’t have to worry about being fired.”

“hate to tell you this, but you’re a new hire. why would I trust you with my job?”

he smirked, “just google kozume. I’ll be in the parking lot when you change your mind.”

he chuckled when he saw you rushing out of the mall with your jacket and a picture of kozume kenma, the CEO of bouncing ball corp., pulled up on your phone.

BONUS:

“so you’re a CEO?”

“yes.”

“that explains why you couldn’t lift that box earlier. not used to manual labor, huh?”

“get out of my car.”

thank you for reading <3

[peachycheol]

| reliable |

© banner credit: thank you to the love of my life @suhdreams​ for making this banner for me 🥺💘 ➸ summary: when people say ‘not all men’, they’re actually right. kim mingyu, your best friend, would never disappoint you. especially not in the bedroom.  ➸ genre: pwp 😌 ➸ pairing: best friend!mingyu x reader  ➸ warning: dirty talk, slight dumbification, heavy petting, unprotected sex (pls use protection irl), cream pie, oral (fem. receiving), cum eating, overstimulation, multiple orgasms, yn is really horny? ➸ w.c: 3.2k ➸ tags: you can all thank @risquewonu​ for this <333  

➸ author’s note: ahh, i’m sorry this took me so long! i didn’t mean to write this much, but what the smuth wants, the smuth gets. also, i want to thank you all for 100 followers! i’ll make a separate post to properly thank you all, but i am!!! baffled!!! i really appreciate the support ;u; love you guys! 

If there are two things in this world that you are absolutely certain of, they are: 1) Men ain’t shit, and 2) with the exception of Kim Mingyu. Knowing this information doesn’t really benefit you in any way. You still go out on Tinder dates that leave you high and dry 15 minutes after taking you home. And Kim Mingyu is still your very platonic best friend, who seems to be reliable in every single way except perhaps in the one way you need most desperately. 

But for all you know, he could be just like every other male in bed. He couldn’t be unbelievably handsome, the most thoughtful, caring person you know, and a sex god; it just wouldn’t be fair! No, it is much easier to convince yourself that Mingyu’s perfection only extended to being a best friend, if only for your peace of mind. Otherwise, you’d have to live with the possibility that the only person who can give you sweet release is the only one you’re technically not supposed to fuck. 

For reasons that seem to become annoyingly hazy every time you lie down next to him on his bed, just as you are at this moment. 

The two of you often end nights out like this, scrolling through one another’s TikTok’s until the wee hours of the morning, laughing loudly until his neighbors threaten to file a noise complaint. As someone who has claimed him as your best friend for three years, you know you’re supposed to be used to the smell of the musky cologne that clings onto his sheets and the feeling of his warm body as he leans closer to show you his For You Page. But lately, it seems harder and harder to fight off the warmth that pulses straight to your core whenever he does anything as simple as laugh, making you shiver when his breath tickles the side of your neck. 

God, you just really need to get laid properly. You lick your dry lips and try to remind yourself that you have no idea if Mingyu would even be able to satisfy you. Though you do have to admit you couldn’t imagine any situation where the boy isn’t overly generous and eager to please-- No! Just watch the damn TikToks! 

“Hey, you good?” Mingyu suddenly asks, nudging your side. “Why aren’t you laughing? ‘His package needs to come in the fe-mail’! That one’s gold!”

You let out a snort. Leave it to Mingyu to bring you back to reality with one line. Even when you don’t say a word, he knows exactly what you need in a moment, which in this case is a reminder that he’s your very dorky friend. “Shut up, that’s so stupid,” you say, but you can’t help but laugh along with him when it replays.

“Aha, you laughed though.” Satisfied with your response he scrolls down to a video of a girl smiling suggestively into the camera. She points to the caption that says ‘If all the boys that made me cum were in my room with me right now, I would…’ Suddenly, the camera pans and she looks at the screen tiredly. The caption now read as ‘Be alone. Men are trash’.

At this, you bust out with a howl of laughter, clutching at your stomach. It was kind of sad, but it was good to know you weren’t alone in this world. All the while, Mingyu stares at you with an eyebrow raised. Once you calm down, you meet his amused gaze. “What are you looking at?”

“You thought it was that funny, huh? It’s not even that accurate,” he says teasingly. 

You roll your eyes. “Um, yeah it is. I’ve never met a man who could make me cum, and clearly many other people can relate. This video has 1.4k likes!”

Mingyu quickly puts his phone down and pouts. “Nu uh! Not all guys are that incompetent!” 

“Men are such babies,” you sigh. “They are that incompetent! You know how many dates I went to last semester, right? Not one of them made me cum!”

“Okay, I told you before you even went on those dates that those guys weren’t worth your time.” Mingyu waves his hand dismissively. “For your information, I have made sure that all the ladies that I’ve taken to the bedroom had at least one orgasm. At least!”

“Mingyu, sweetie,” you coo, patting his cheek as if to comfort him. “They were all faking it, because they didn’t want to hurt your feelings.”  Right? They all had to have faked it. You try to tell yourself this, try to reign in the last bit of sanity you have before your mind wanders off to anywhere inappropriate.

Your best friend now props himself up so that you could properly see the smirk plastered across his annoyingly chiseled features. “You’re so sure, huh? I bet I could make you cum multiple times. Easily.” 

Your mouth falls open in shock. It isn’t uncommon for the two of you to taunt each other like this, but you have also never been in such a vulnerable mood. It’s the type of mood that has your heart racing impossibly fast, the type of mood that has your panties pathetically damp from just one sentence. You blink, trying to regain as much composure as you can. You know it’s too late, though; your imagination is already flashing through scenes of your deepest desires, all being fulfilled by the man in front of you. But Mingyu is only joking, so you do what you can to continue playing along and pretend like you don’t want him to just fuck you into the mattress until you were drooling into his sheets. 

“I-I seriously doubt that!” you say, but there is no conviction in your voice. Clearing your throat, you try adding, “Dude, I’ve literally seen you fall down a flight of stairs when you were sober. And we were going up. Kinda hard to imagine that you’ll know how to fuck me to an orgasm when you can’t even walk right.” 

Now you’re just lying through your teeth, but you want to hold off the inevitable moment that Mingyu discovers your apparent arousal for as long as possible. The last thing you need right now is for him to laugh in your face.

Mingyu chuckles, then suddenly shifts so that his arms are placed on either side of your head, trapping you underneath him. To his surprise, you do nothing to push him off like you usually do at this point. Still, he doesn’t plan on being the first to back off, so he continues his little game, intent on winning. “See, this is why you can’t find a guy who can satisfy you. You clearly don’t know what to look for.” He leans down until the tip of his nose grazes yours. For good measure, he drops his voice an octave and says, “You’ll be the one who can’t walk right when I’m done with you.” 

Perplexingly, his shameless flirting doesn’t make you move as he predicted. Nor does it make you look annoyed. Instead, you look up at him with eyes that are unmistakably glazed over with something he didn’t quite expect to see: pure lust. It immediately sends a rush of blood down to his cock. He blinks. Oh. So this is where the night is going. He only falters for a moment, but he soon flashes a breathtaking smile down at you, his eyes glinting mischievously. 

 It isn’t like he’s never thought about it before; he had just assumed that once you started calling him your best friend, you were also lowkey telling him that sex was off the table. And it wasn’t like he minded, because he definitely liked being by your side knowing it was fully okay to be himself since you were obligated to love him regardless. Plus there was just something about you that made him want to take care of you and if being your best friend was the only way he could do it, then that had been fine by him. But now that he knows that he can take care of you in another way, in the way that he sometimes found himself yearning for on lonely nights, he is all too eager to break free of the unspoken boundaries between the two of you. 

“And what am I looking for?” you whisper. 

“It seems like you’re looking for me, baby,” he responds softly, before pressing a kiss where your jaw meets your neck. He slowly drags his lips down the side of your neck, and revels in how it already has you pressing your legs together. “Damn, you weren’t kidding when you said those guys didn’t make you cum, huh? Is that why you’re already so fucking worked up? You want to cum that badly?”

You nod wordlessly, not quite ready for Mingyu to hear the desperate whine that would surely leave your lips as he continues pressing wet kisses along your skin. You opt to simply thread your fingers in his hair and tug hard enough to show your impatience. It seems to trigger something in him; all in an instant, your best friend’s soft lips clash against your own, his tongue easily sliding into your mouth, all the while while his hand reaches down to grab one of your thighs. He squeezes it teasingly before pushing it outwards, which causes the mini skirt you’re wearing to bunch up around your waist, revealing your panties and how they cling to your pussy like a second skin. 

“M-mingyu!” you squeak into his lips when you feel his fingers tentatively rub small circles into the wet spot. He nips at your lip harshly as he starts to rub more deliberately, the flimsy fabric of your underwear creating a delicious friction against your clit. “H-hah! Yes, o-oh my god!” 

“Fuck, you’re already so wet for me, baby girl,” he chuckles, but he knows he isn’t one to talk while his cock is half hard just from hearing the way you moan his name. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. You’re not leaving this room until your little pussy cums nice and hard on my cock.” 

“Ngh!-- yes p-please! Please, Mingyu,” you beg mindlessly. Your eyebrows are scrunched together in concentration. Despite your best friend’s promises, you are still hesitant to hold out any hope for anything more than what you’re accustomed to, so you try to take as much as you can while it lasts. However, in your lustful daze, you had forgotten that if Kim Mingyu is anything, he is a man of his word. 

 You let out a high-pitched moan when his fingers suddenly grind harsh circles into your clit, more surprised than anything else that he even knew where to find it. “But first,” he says, licking his lips, “you’re going to be a good girl and cum just like this. Right into your filthy little panties. Can you do that for me, baby?” 

He takes your drawn out whine as a response, and continues to rub relentlessly over your hardened clit until your legs begin to shake. That’s when he shoves the soaked material of your underwear to the side and pinches the bud. Hard. 

He rolls your clit between the pads of his fingertips over and over, sending jolts of electric pleasure all the way to your toes. It causes them to curl, all the while you feel the heat simmering in your lower abdomen finally coil tighter and tighter. “Fuckfuckfuck,” you chant, the words coming out slurred like you’re a teenager who’s gotten drunk from one sip of champagne. “M-mingyu-- mmh! I t-think I’m going to--!” 

A loud cry leaves your lips the moment the coil snaps, and you nearly tear up from how much better it feels to finally cum on someone else’s fingers, especially Mingyu’s long, thick digits.  He soothingly slides them through your drenched folds, mesmerized by how much wetness now covered his hand. “That’s it, baby,” he encourages. Once your body slumps back into the mattress, he brings his fingers up to see how they glisten in the light. “We’ve barely even started and look at what the mess you’ve already made. You must have been waiting so long for me to fuck you, huh?” 

Not even your post-orgasm buzz can keep you from getting irked by Mingyu’s cockiness, which is why you reach your own hand down to squeeze his cock through his jeans. “Seems like I’m not the only one who’s been waiting for this,” you say with a sly grin of your own. He watches you, jaw clenched, as you swiftly pop the button of his pants open and slip your fingers past the waistband of his underwear to take hold of his fully hardened member. 

It feels warm and heavy in your palm, which can barely wrap around the girth. You bite your lip, your pussy greedily clenching around nothing at the thought of how good it would stretch you out.

“I should have known you’d be a fucking tease,” Mingyu rasps. His hips buck into your hand involuntarily, and his smile returns when he notices how the movement makes you whimper in anticipation. 

There is a beat of silence when you and Mingyu meet eyes before the both of you begin undressing each other as fast as you can, haphazardly tugging off both your shirts, his pants, and your pesky undergarments. Once he’s tossed aside your soiled panties, he immediately presses your thighs apart to get a full view of your sopping cunt. “So pretty,” he mumbles to himself, spreading the lips apart with his fingers. His member throbs at the sight, the tip leaking precum when he sees how your pussy clenches in anticipation. “I bet it’s going to look even prettier when it’s taking my fat cock, don’t you think?”

The two of you watch in awe as Mingyu starts to sink into your entrance, a garbled moan leaving your lips when the tip alone already has you feeling so full. “Mingyu, h-how is-- ooh!-- your d-dick soo-- f-fucking big? A-Ah!” It takes a good while for you to finish your sentence as each of Mingyu’s shallow thrusts leave you gasping for air. By the time he bottoms out, the both of you are panting hard, both engrossed by how snugly his cock fits in your walls. 

“Shit, if I had known you’d be this tight, I would have fucked you sooner,” Mingyu groans. He slowly drags his member out of you, letting you feel every inch of him before he surges forward into a feverish pace that already has his bed frame creaking loudly. He is definitely getting a noise complaint from his grumpy neighbors tonight. But seeing you underneath him like this, lips parted and legs spread, definitely makes it difficult to care about anything other than the desire to hear more of your needy cries. “Does it feel good, baby girl? Do you like how my cock fills your little pussy?”

“It fuh--!--ngh, feels s-soo good,” Having already came once, your sensitivity is on overload, and each rough thrust of Mingyu’s hips, each crude slap of his skin against yours, is enough to drive you closer and closer to delirium. “Mmh-- please, Mingyu! F-fuck me so deep!”

“Anything for my little cockslut.” He moves quickly to kneel between your legs, hooking his arms underneath your knees to keep them open as he continues to pound into you. The new position instantly makes you keen loudly, eyes rolling to the back of your head when you feel his member brush against your cervix. 

“Fuuuuck,” you sob and clutch at the sheets. His grip on your legs tightens and he angles his hips so that he hits that spot every time, rendering you completely incoherent. You want to beg him to fuck you like this forever, to tell him you’d do anything to feel his cock fuck you open every night, but you can only babble, unable to comprehend anything that isn’t the insatiable thirst burning within you.

“Damn baby, did I fuck you stupid?” Seeing you so drunk on his cock, he wonders how anyone could ever fuck you without wanting to see you cum over and over again. His hair falls over his eyes as he fucks up into you with renewed vigor, his hot skin covered in a light sheen of sweat. He grits his teeth when he feels how tightly your walls grip onto him.“Shit-- you must want me to make you cum again, baby girl. Your little pussy just keeps sucking me in.”

“H-hah, y-yes! Yes, please god, Mingyu, I want to c-cum again. P-please let me cum,” you beg, practically writhing as you pathetically attempt to meet his thrusts. Without any hesitation, Mingyu brings down his thumb and presses it into your swollen clit, causing your body to seize up suddenly. “A-Aah Mingyu! I’m--!” The intensity of your orgasm has your back arching off the mattress, head thrown back in a silent scream. Wave after wave of pleasure continuously washes over you, seemingly unending, unlike any orgasm you ever thought possible. 

“That’s right baby girl, get my cock nice and wet,” Mingyu growls. He fucks you through your release as he sloppily chases his own, not too far behind with how your walls are pulsing around him. He makes sure his cock is deep inside you and stills his hips when fills you with his hot cum. “Fuck, this pussy was fucking made for me.”

Just as you think you’ve finally come down from your high, he pulls out of you and he shifts to lower himself to place his mouth on your spent pussy. “M-mingyu!” 

You squirm and half-heartedly try to shove his head away, far too sensitive to have his tongue licking into your leaking entrance, but Mingyu is persistent. He pushes your legs to your chest to keep you from squeezing them close, and hums when he tastes the hot mixture of your and his own cum on his lips. The way he slurps and sucks at your folds is absolutely sinful as he eats you out like you’re the most delectable treat. It almost hurts to feel so much ecstasy at once, but it still leaves you mewling for more, unable to get enough of the boy.

Your third orgasm ripples over you when he suddenly scrapes his teeth over your abused clit, and you feel a tear slide down your cheek as you weakly shake against his mouth. 

Mingyu is smiling when he pulls away, looking slightly ridiculous with how his lips still glisten with cum. You tiredly slump back into his pillows, eyes already drooping close. “What is it?”

“I told you I could do it~” he says proudly. He goes to grab some tissues from the bedside table so that he could start cleaning you up, giggling all the while. It really is unfair how he could look so cute moments after railing you into another dimension. 

You groan. You’re never going to hear the end of this.

[blossom-hwa]

pirate!ateez |1|

So uh. this is what we get from the kingdom wonderland performance, watching too many wonderland stages as a result, and yelling to mai + javi?????? here we go I guess??? This is only half the members - the other half will be in a separate post later this week!

(credits to mai @wingkkun​ for the ideas that sparked san, mingi, and yeosang’s stories!)

Pairing: Ateez x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 8.7k (total)

Genre: some fluff, mostly angst, pirate!au

Triggers: cursing, blood, death (sometimes semi-graphic), like one implication of sex, implied physical abuse in one part - specific triggers for each section are listed below the headers!

Part 1 (Hongjoong, Seonghwa, Yunho, Yeosang) | Part 2 (San, Mingi, Wooyoung, Jongho)

Ateez Masterlist

hongjoong (captain)

warnings: cursing, death, some suggestive themes but absolutely nothing explicit (just implied sex)

oh good lord here we go

hongjoong is the captain of this ship. perfect captain, really - he’s got a knack for discipline while also taking care of his crew

he really does care for them, like after all he’s been through they’re basically his family at this point. he’s got nothing but them, this ship, and whatever they’ve managed to pillage from other crews - if he lost a single member, hongjoong isn’t sure if he could handle it

actually that’s a lie. he knows he could handle it. but it’s already happened several times, and the pain he feels but has to hide sometimes makes him want to just throw himself into the waves

(especially with a certain person, but i won’t elaborate on that just yet)

anyway his crew respects him even if they don’t always act it (looking at you wooyoung), they like to fool around and hongjoong will lovingly deal with it 

however when they’ve really messed up....

let’s just say no one ever likes being called to hongjoong’s quarters

most often it’s one of woosan or both for fooling around a little too often but everyone’s been there at least once

even seonghwa like???? what did seonghwa ever do

(he’s never elaborated. neither has hongjoong. that somehow just makes everyone even more afraid ksjdngsdh)

but sometimes! the turn tables!! and people will call hongjoong to their rooms

i say people like it’s more than one person 

i mean it technically is?? seonghwa and you??? but people feels like it implies many persons when in reality it’s just you and seonghwa and seonghwa comes in much later than you do

the first time it happens is when hongjoong almost fucking passes out on deck because 1. the sun is out and it’s hot as balls and 2. he’s been up for over twenty four hours straight after a battle trying to make sure everything is in order

which no one realizes - i mean even if your captain is motherfucking kim hongjoong you’d assume this dude at least took like an hour nap during that 24 hr+ period of time but NO this motherfucker is stupid when it comes to himself - until you’re heading belowdecks with him and hongjoong takes ONE FUCKING STEP down the stairs and almost keels over right then and there

you drag him to his room and even half collapsed he’s trying to say he needs to do something or the other but you just stand over him with your arms crossed n shit and hongjoong’s like okay never mind yes i will sleep

(he sleeps for fifteen hours straight)

anyway after that you went up on deck and called that motherfucker to your room in the same tone of voice he uses to call the others to his room and gave him the beatdown of his fucking life

maybe hongjoong’s a masochist because that’s when he realized he was head over heels in love with you

like?? in the middle of you yelling at him to take care of himself because kim fucking hongjoong what do you think is gonna happen if you die??? huh???? you think woosan can handle themselves????? you think I can deal with them?????? and good fucking lord if you’re going to die at least let it be of something badass you dumb piece of shit not like FALLING DOWN THE STAIRS BECAUSE YOU WERE TOO TIRED TO SEE WHERE YOUR FOOT WAS GOING -

and halfway through hongjoong isn’t even listening to you he’s just trying to figure out how it took so long for him to realize this

you’ve been together like... forever. literally almost as long as hongjoong can remember

you two got your first ship together, recruited the others together, decided to find the treasure you’ve now been seeking for YEARS together, literally everything started with you so why is it only now that hongjoong is realizing just how much he’s in love with you

he kinda blurts it out a couple of months later when you’re aggressively forcing him down to the medbay because he wanted everyone else to get treated first before the ship’s doctor looked at his wounds and you just say ‘confessing your love isn’t going to get you out of a doctor’s visit now i don’t care if you hurt your leg i’ll carry you if i have to so mOVE YOUR ASS’

he falls even more in love with you after that

and you don’t leave him hanging - you’ve been in love with hongjoong for as long as he’s been in love with you, it just... didn’t really manifest in a visible way?? like you’ve always been aggressively caring with him. it got a lot more aggressive when you realized your feelings but hongjoong just thought that was like. a normal thing

lmao you thought

but yeah so everyone’s like WE BEEN KNEW when you start spending more and more time in hongjoong’s room instead of the quarters you share with the other crew members

they don’t even care they’re just like HELL YEAH MORE SPACE

also they (read: woosan) love teasing the two of you but then you just hit them over their heads and ask if they’d like to be called to your room

they shut up immediately and you just go back to hongjoong’s room

(he kisses softly, by the way, but with so much passion it feels like one of the storms that mother nature uses to buffet your ship around. when hongjoong kisses you like this it feels like everything in you is breaking apart and reforming all at once, like he’s taking your life and breathing it back into you at the same time, and if your hands begin to move and someone gets pushed onto the bed who’s gonna say shit?)

but a pirate’s life is a pirate’s life and everyone is literally risking their neck to sail the seas the way they do - no one is safe, ever. not during battles, not even when you’re standing around on the ship’s deck

and certainly not when mother nature decides to wreak havoc on the water that you and hongjoong have begun to think of as home.

they’ve seen the storm coming all day, literally everyone is prepped and serious and no one’s fooling around because yeosang has been watching the clouds for hours and there’s no sign of the storm passing them by

so when the wind and water begin to toss the ship around, they’re ready. everyone’s ready. everything seems to be going smoothly until a couple of hours pass and the storm is only growing worse

hongjoong can’t see in the darkness, not with clouds covering the stars and the moon, not with water pounding over the deck in waves higher than yunho and mingi combined, he’s soaked and shivering but still yelling orders to anyone who can hear them and he’s just praying they’ll make it through the night, make it through the few hours left until morning

the few people on deck are mostly tied to stable things with rope so that no one goes overboard

but what no one expects is for a section of rope to snap, taking san with it

people start screaming and grabbing for him and yunho literally lunges for san but the wind doesn’t care, it slams him against the railing so hard hongjoong feels his own teeth chatter in his jaw with the power behind that hit

a wave crashes over deck at the same moment and everyone thinks he’s lost.

until a literal banshee screech tears through the wind and waves and you grab san, dragging him away from the railing and back toward jongho, who seizes onto a limp san with strong arms

and you turn around but you turn around too easily, like there isn’t a rope tying you to the mast -

because there isn’t. it snapped when you ran forward to get san

you come to this realization at the same time hongjoong does and he sees the panic in your eyes just as he reaches out to you - now there’s nothing tying you down, nothing to keep you from being swept away by the next wave, nothing but his fingertips just touching yours -

but it’s too late. water crashes over hongjoong and salt stings his eyes and when he opens them, there’s one less shadow on the deck than there should be

and there is no sound of screaming from the water below.

for days afterwards the only thing hongjoong can see is the look of terror in your eyes just before the wave stole his sight and your outstretched hand away

and all he can think is how he should’ve been stronger. faster. braver. literally anything

you two always joked that he’d be the first to go because he never took care of himself but death caught you first

and it isn’t fair

it isn’t like hongjoong hasn’t lost crew members before - he has. but the loss of someone so close, someone who’s been with him for over a decade, someone who knows him better than he knows himself almost breaks him. there isn’t even a body left to burn or bury. you’ve been lost to the water that hongjoong thought of as home

it still is his home. the movement of water comforts him far more than solid land ever did, but there’s a new fear, a new respect for mother nature whenever he stares at the shining blue waves that killed you

eventually he recovers with the help of his crew, and they go on to look for the treasure. there are adventures along the way and throughout each of them, hongjoong thinks of what it would be like if you were there, fighting by his side

and then they find the treasure, after years of pillaging and exploring. they find the treasure and when hongjoong approaches the center of the island, the only thoughts running through his mind are of you, what you would do if you were here, what you would say, how you’d look at him with pride and that little smirk he loved to kiss off your face

he attempts to open the treasure trove and an apparition appears, the apparition that guards it. hongjoong’s ready for the wisp of smoke

until it turns into you.

but it isn’t you. bitterness twists your familiar eyes and a deep, betrayed frown downturns your lips and hongjoong is paralyzed - it’s you but at the same time it isn’t -

then you open your mouth

and with the same voice that used to remind him to take care of himself, the same voice that used to remind him you loved him

you ask why he wasn’t faster. why he wasn’t stronger. why he didn’t manage to pull you out of the wave and save you, why he failed when it came to you

it hits him like arrows to the chest because these are all thoughts hongjoong himself has had. they plagued him for days, months, years even after your death, and even now, they still do - but his crew has managed to help him keep those thoughts at bay recently, because deep down, they know and he knows that you would never think that way

yet here you are, expression bitter and angry, speaking those same thoughts seonghwa reassured him you would never say

he can’t open the trove that day. he comes back again. and again. and again and again and again but every time he breaks down at the sight of the loathing in your face and it isn’t until seonghwa and jongho literally drag him back to the ship and set sail again that he stops

but the apparition haunts him now, mixed with visions of you disappearing from his fingertips as the wave tosses you overboard

and this time, hongjoong doesn’t know if he’ll ever recover.

seonghwa (boatswain, later quartermaster)

warnings: cursing, death, blood, implied physical abuse (nothing explicitly described)

so seonghwa didn’t live on the streets from the start like hongjoong or san, he actually came from nobility

look at his face and tell me it isn’t noble. yeah you can’t that’s what i fucking thought

anyway yeah, he was born into a noble family and pretty much lived that way until like his late teens or something when pirates ransacked his town, killed his family, and took him hostage

but we’re not going to unpack all of that yet so let’s go back in time to when seonghwa was still a member of nobility

his family was famous for being kind. like a lot of other nobles in other towns were snobby assholes who didn’t give two shits about the common people

and maybe it’s just because seonghwa’s family was nobility in a smaller town and as such knew a lot of commoners/peasants more closely plus the fact that they were never really rich rich, their title just comes from some wealthy ancestor and they’ve managed to keep it throughout the years

but yeah, seonghwa’s family isn’t universally hated among the peasantry because they’re actually decent fucking people and they protect those under them

so seonghwa learns from a young age to be kind and pleasant and as he grows older, he learns how to run the estate, how to play politics with the kingdom and the town, all that good stuff

and with all of that comes marriage, too

it might’ve been a problem if there was no one around that he liked but luckily you’ve been a fixture in seonghwa’s life since he was very young

your family is also nobility in a nearby small town and it’s actually perfect - you’re the younger sibling, so you don’t inherit the estate, but you do have a sharp mind and qualities that a family would be looking for when they try to find someone to marry their son off to

what makes everything even better is that since you’ve been around for a long time, seonghwa is head over heels in love with you and you’re head over heels in love with him

classic childhood friends to lovers

when you visited seonghwa’s town, he’d take you to the marketplace to meet people and you’d do the same for him

at balls, you would dance with each other as much was deemed appropriate by high society

someone’s kid got lost one time and seonghwa had carried her around with you, singing softly as you asked around for the kid’s parents until they were found

needless to say at this point your villages know the two of you very well and it isn’t just your parents rooting for this marriage lmao

so you get engaged and all and you aren’t going to marry until a few years later, you’re too young at the moment and both of you would prefer a little more freedom before you have to settle down

but at the engagement ceremony you exchanged rings and you two haven’t taken them off since, so it serves as a reminder of your bond

not like you need a reminder anyway - seonghwa is a dream come true, and there’s no way you would ever voluntarily leave him. ever. 

except nothing ever goes to plan especially in my universes so pirates attack just a year before you two are supposed to be married

you’re in seonghwa’s town visiting his family when the attack happens and both of you have just witnessed both of his parents being cut down before your eyes and you’re pulling seonghwa out of the estate, hoping to escape in the flood of screaming and fleeing people

but someone knocks you down as seonghwa yells your name

his hand loosens from yours and you try to grab at him but he just gets further and further away

you scream for him but someone else is already dragging him in the opposite direction and that’s the last you see of him

somehow you escape and manage to get back to your own village but seonghwa’s entire family is dead

there’s no reason to believe he survived either

and from that day on you grow a hatred of pirates so strong that you leave your family to join the navy just so you can take your revenge on those who took seonghwa and his family away from you

most of the navy recruits are children of former or current members, you’re the odd one out with your noble manners and method of speech

but you adapt quickly and desire for revenge fuels your motivation to keep moving, to keep getting better no matter how many times people knock you down

it’s for seonghwa and his family. always for them. 

you finish training with high honors and when you’re assigned to a fleet, you actually make a bit of a name for yourself - pirates don’t know who you are, exactly, but they’ve given you a nickname based on your appearance and it gets passed around in hushed whispers whenever it’s rumored that a navy fleet is coming to port

anyway that’s you. let’s move on to seonghwa

seonghwa isn’t dead (obviously), he was taken hostage because he’s young and strong and the pirates who took him thought he’d be a decent cabin boy or something, or maybe even a sailor

so seonghwa ends up working on that ship

the pirates really do not treat him well, the only moments of respite he gets are in sleep or when they dock sometimes

there are nights where seonghwa just wishes a huge storm would crack the ship in half and leave them all to drown, he has nothing to live for anymore - his parents are dead and he doesn’t even want to think about what might’ve happened to you

but spite fuels him and keeps him alive

seonghwa isn’t all that much of a goody two shoes after all - he knows how to use a sword and learns quickly. he also acts well and adapts

which is why eventually, he gains enough tentative trust from the crew that he won’t run away, so he’s allowed to explore the towns a little before the ship makes their attack wherever they are

but little do they know seonghwa is patient, observant, and has always been looking for the right time to slip away

so when the pirates do attack, seonghwa runs off and hides in the next town, where he meets hongjoong + his partner who have just gotten themselves a ship

so seonghwa joins the tiny crew of hongjoong’s pirate ship

he has reservations at first about the whole pirate thing, given who offed his entire family (and you - he thinks you’re dead and who can blame him?), but seonghwa quickly learns  hongjoong isn’t a mindless pillager or killer. he protects his crew and he has a purpose that he’s driven to fulfill - find the treasure and have a few adventures on the way. that’s all

he’s the first of the crew to join hongjoong besides his partner, and the three of them grow very close as the years pass

seonghwa starts out as the ship’s boatswain, keeping track of supplies and the ship’s general maintenance - he’s good at that, seeing as he has a sharp eye for detail and things that seem off, so he knows when people have been sneaking food (read: wooyoung)

hongjoong may be the captain, but the crew likes to joke that seonghwa is the one who actually keeps the ship running

he’s always there to listen to the newer members’ fears, their stories, or just to sit with them in comforting silence so they know they’re not alone

because if there’s anything seonghwa knows, it’s the horrible feeling of being completely alone, cut off from all those who once loved him

when hongjoong’s partner dies, seonghwa takes on the role of caring aggressively for hongjoong (aka asking the captain to come to his room)

albeit it’s in different ways because no one could ever replace the captain’s quartermaster. even if seonghwa technically holds the title now, it’s really in name only. yeah seonghwa fulfills the same duties, but everyone agrees - even him - that a void was left when hongjoong’s partner died, a void that’s closed up a little but will never fully leave

so time passes like this, seonghwa as a pirate, you in the navy, both completely unaware that the other is fully alive

until your crew receives word that a small pirate ship is going to be docking in a nearby port and you rush to meet it there

the fight is bloody and dirty, neither side playing fair

but you keep fighting, not stopping until you corner a pirate in an empty alley of the town

both of you have your swords out and there’s so much blood and grime on your faces that you can barely see

but there’s something familiar in the pirate’s expression. something in his eyes

something that makes you pause.

and then the bloody afternoon sunlight catches on something metal on his finger

a ring. a very familiar ring

identical, actually, to the one still on your hand. 

seonghwa reaches the conclusion at the same time you do and for a moment it’s kind of funny like that spiderman meme 

you two are just staring wide-eyed at each other while individual battles rage around you

seonghwa’s reeling - yes, the nickname that his crew had tossed around did get at some of your features, but never once in his entire life did he think that the navy fighter everyone feared so much would be you

somehow, even with all the dirt and blood caking your skin, you look as beautiful as ever

but the shattered look in your eyes is nothing he’s ever seen before.

meanwhile you’ve just gone slack with betrayal, betrayal at the knowledge that pirates killed seonghwa’s entire family yet he ended up on a pirate ship anyway, fighting battles for the fucking ship

he looks the same - a little older, a little more mature, his lips are still full and his eyes still beautiful with that same nose you loved to kiss so many years ago

but god, every cell in your body aches to scream, to rip him apart for this betrayal he made to everything you two stood for

(deep down you know there must be a reason for this - seonghwa doesn’t make decisions lightly, if he joined a pirate ship and is fighting for them, there has to be some reason why)

(but in the moment you can only feel the fury and betrayal that your former fiancé and the love of your life, the same person who was kidnapped by pirates and whose family was killed by pirates, has joined a crew)

except you can’t kill him. you know you can’t

and neither can he. you’re standing in front of him, his literal enemy - he’s trained over the years to become ruthless to those who aren’t members of his crew, to show no mercy

but at the sight of your eyes and the ring still on your finger, all of that training just shatters

you barely even exchange words. all you do is look at each other and then at the rings still on your hands, a promise unwillingly broken

it crosses your mind to take it off and throw it in the dust, show just how much that ring means to you when seonghwa’s betrayed you so badly

but just like you can’t kill him, you can’t take off the ring, even if it feels like it’s choking the circulation out of your finger

because even after all this time, you still love him. you still love seonghwa as much as he loves you

seonghwa just watches you level your sword at him, the blade positioning itself over his throat

he can’t kill you. he won’t. he knows that and he’s willing to accept his death at your hands

but you don’t do it. you just say, in a voice that’s broken beyond repair

if i see your face ever again, i swear on every god that exists that i will kill you

and you storm out of the alley, leaving a shaking seonghwa behind

(he doesn’t see it, but you can barely hold your sword steady either)

the fight ends a few hours later, seonghwa helps carry the injured back to the ship and set sail

it isn’t until hongjoong pulls him aside and tells him to wash up that he realizes just how tired he is

but even then, he can’t sleep. he ends up on deck, sitting against the rails, looking up at the night sky full of cold, twinkling stars as the ship bobs in the waves

hongjoong’s steering and asks him what’s wrong

seonghwa doesn’t say anything. it isn’t because hongjoong would throw him overboard for knowing a member of the navy, seonghwa’s proven himself loyal many times over and hongjoong knows that

but because even though hongjoong knows about his past and even about you, seonghwa doesn’t know what to say

he doesn’t know how to verbalize the vision of you, bloody and dirty, carrying a sword and wearing the ring he put on your hand so many years ago

he doesn’t know how to explain the achingly vivid picture of you painted in his mind, clearly older and more mature, having grown into your features over the years and still as gorgeous as ever

but worst of all, he doesn’t know how to describe the absolutely shattered look in your eyes, broken shards of glass fragmenting your expression as you took in his face, his body, the clothes and look of a pirate

seonghwa knows he couldn’t give up this life now, not after all that hongjoong has done and sacrificed for him, maybe he’d have tried to explain that to you if time had allowed it. he might even have asked you to come with him

but something tells him you wouldn’t have cared because in your eyes, he betrayed you, betrayed his family and yours

and it hurts. it hurts knowing he pained you this badly because after all this time, seonghwa still loves you

it’s why he never took off the ring, after all.

right now he honestly doesn’t know which is worse - thinking you’re dead and that he’ll never see you again, or knowing you’re alive but that you hate him and will kill him on sight the next time you meet

moonlight glitters mockingly on the ring on his finger, once a reminder of you and a promise of love

now a reminder of that same promise broken, and a new promise made - one that secures his death, should he ever come face to face with his love again.

yunho (able-bodied sailor (ABS), later boatswain)

warnings: cursing

ah yes yunho. resident teddy bear who the new recruits think is just very soft - like why is he even on a pirate ship?

then the first battle comes around and they see yunho tearing around like a demon

and suddenly it all makes sense

anyway yunho really is a teddy bear most of the time - along with seonghwa, he’s the one that new recruits go to the most when they don’t know what’s happening because he’s kind and willing to explain if he’s got a bit of time

however if you come for anyone this man cares about, you’re fucked with around ten capital Fs 

yunho knows how to handle the sword at his belt, plus several other types of weapons as well

honestly probably only san and hongjoong are more skilled at fighting than yunho is

but moving on! yunho started out as one of the able-bodied sailors (that’s what they’re called on the site i’m using), essentially semi-skilled but not really specialized in specific roles of the ship

however when hongjoong’s partner was swept away in the storm, seonghwa became quartermaster and chose yunho to take over his previous boatswain duties

because yunho’s responsible and he knows what he’s doing, he also followed seonghwa around a lot when he was a bit younger so he’s learned more or less what a boatswain does - plus, he’s a quick learner, so anything he doesn’t know already seonghwa can teach him quickly

and because yunho’s now boatswain and is in charge of supplies on the ship, he spends a lot of time in the towns at every port where they legally dock because supplies!

which is how he meets you

you’re a commoner just trying to run your little grocery store, and times have been tough until yunho passes by your place and buys some fruit

throughout his brief stay in the town he comes by again and again and gives you enough business on his own to kickstart your life again

(but like let’s also not forget that a bunch of kids - boys and girls alike - start crowding in to see what this hot older dude is doing at this little grocery store)

so you’re eternally grateful to one jung yunho for helping you get back on your feet even if it was unintentional

and the next time the ship has docked in this port, you make sure to thank him effusively for it

because it isn’t just you that you’re trying to support - you have family too and you were never exactly the wealthiest, so the added business really means a lot to you regardless of whether yunho intended to have such an effect or not

yunho just blushes and says he’s happy to have helped, then tries to wave away the small bundle of groceries you give him for free

you think you’ve succeeded but yunho is Smooth and drops a small sack of coins into your front pocket just before he disappears into the market crowd

which is the start of your crush on the handsome guy named jung yunho who smiles like a teddy bear and has the sparkling eyes to match

meanwhile yunho has had a fucking crush on you since he passed by the grocery that first time

which is why he came back a second and a third time during that first visit

and why he keeps coming back, visit after visit until he’s staying in the store way past the time he should be returning to the ship and eventually kissing you in the moonlight just outside the store before he walks you home

you feel like you’re on cloud nine after that first kiss - yunho is everything you’ve ever wanted in a partner

your family loves him too, based on the encounters they’ve had the few times he was around when they were there

the only thing that worries you is the fact that he spends so much time... elsewhere

you’re well aware of the fact that he doesn’t live here, not even close by - you’ve seen the ships docked in port and yunho’s told you enough for you to understand that he travels for his living

but ateez is skilled at camouflaging themselves as not pirates, but something more benign - traveling merchants, things like that

and with yunho coming to town every so often with the purpose of restocking the ship, it isn’t so hard to believe

but as time goes on you start to grow a little suspicious

you’ll never take traveling away from yunho, as much as you’d like to settle down with him you know that the sea is his first love just as he’s yours, and you would never force him to choose

you can satisfy yourself just knowing he’ll come back to visit, no matter what

but sometimes you prod a little more and it’s uneasy the way yunho just clams up

because normally he’s happy to talk about anything and everything

but out of wishful thinking + the desire to pretend nothing is wrong, you just ignore it

until one night you’re out on a walk and you hear a familiar voice discussing routes and paths with a different, unfamiliar voice

but the first one you know

because it’s yunho

they’re talking about treasure and ships and how much gold they have and what they need

pirates

you try to reason it all away, try to spin their words in a way that makes them out to merely be the traveling merchants you always assumed they were

but then you realize - yunho never said that to you. it was always just your assumption

he never lied, but he never told you the truth

and now you have to face it on your own - yunho is part of a crew of pirates and there’s no reasoning it away

especially when you see the blades strapped to their sides glinting in the moonlight

the night is long and yunho doesn’t come by the next day, so you have time to think

and by the time he does come around, you’ve made a decision

that day, stone cold and unwavering, you tell him you want nothing more to do with him. even as your heart cracks at the dawning horror and shame and pain on yunho’s face, you tell him that on no account can you be found dealing with pirates

if it were just you, you might risk a little more, consider keeping this relationship with yunho a little longer

but you don’t live in a place that’s known for its sympathy to pirates - it isn’t a royal navy haven, exactly, but it isn’t lawless either

and you have a family to protect, too. the grocery store is all you have and if someone found out you were having a dalliance with a pirate, that might be taken away from you

yunho is crushed, absolutely crushed when he hears you and sees you speaking this way

part of him wants to get angry because you’ve been together for this long - what changes just because you found out he’s a pirate?

but he understands, even though he doesn’t want to. he understands that you have a family you need to protect and that a relationship with a pirate will only jeopardize that

it’s what he would do, right, if his own family, his crew mates, were also in danger? if he had a relationship with someone who would put them in harm’s way, he’d cut it off just as you did

so that day, you both part ways. neither of you expects to see the other ever again

and for several years, it seems that way

your family stops asking about that nice traveling merchant who looked at you with the sweetest smile

and seonghwa helps yunho out of his stupor. he understands, after all - his own love swore to kill him if they ever met again

broken hearts eventually heal, cracks still visible but no longer gaping wide, and life goes on

until yunho bursts into your little store one day, eyes wide and face white

you almost don’t recognize him at first - besides the fact that it’s been several years, you’ve never seen him look this frazzled

but once you do recognize him it’s like all those years fall away and you’re in love with him again, reaching out to touch him and ask him what’s wrong, despite the words you spoke that last day

yunho grabs your hands in a vice grip when you reach out and in the most serious voice you’ve ever heard him use, he tells you to get out of here with everyone you love

because other pirates are coming to attack. 

it takes you a second to register his words when he first says them because what - pirates? what would they ever want to do with your little village?

but the fear in yunho’s eyes makes it clear he’s telling the truth

so all you do is nod and squeeze his hands unconsciously, maybe, before picking up your things and running down the path back home

yunho doesn’t follow, not at first. he stays back a little to warn the other families he grew closer with during his visits to you, the kind people who welcomed him when he was here

some believe him, some don’t, and they all have the same look of fear in their eyes once they realize what yunho truly is

he doesn’t care, though - it doesn’t matter how much that fear hurts him, as long as they get out safe, that’s all that matters

yunho catches up to you just as you’re leaving the house. your family starts raising questions but you cut them off with a glare, and one of the older members of the family just herds everyone away to give you and yunho a last moment of space

except you don’t say anything. neither of you do

it’s half not knowing what to say after so many years apart

but it’s also half knowing exactly what the other is thinking, even after so many years apart

at some point yunho took your hands and now your touch just makes it painfully clear that even though he loved you, still loves you, none of this was ever meant to be

maybe in another lifetime, in a more perfect universe, but not this one

and the same thoughts are running through your head as you squeeze his fingers, rough and scarred from all his time on the sea

he pulls you close, presses a kiss on your forehead

you rest your head against his shoulder and whisper thank you as you squeeze him one last time

when you pull away, there’s apology in both your gazes - you for breaking things apart so painfully, yunho for having the profession he does

but there’s also acceptance and gratitude for years well spent in your love

(and of that love, much of it still remains)

you return to your family, who’s still waiting, leaving yunho behind

and one more time before you leave forever, you look back

he’s still there, watching you go

you let yourself smile again, once more

yunho lets himself smile too as he waves goodbye

it’s the goodbye you should have had the last time you parted, instead of the forced coldness and biting words you used to cut your relationship apart, and regret pinches deep in your chest

but you can only be grateful for the second chance to say farewell, so you wave too, exchanging one last smile before you disappear

neither of you sees the other ever again.

yeosang (sailing master)

warnings: cursing, death, semi-graphic depiction of blood, implied drowning

hehet

guys i love this dude he’s so fucking cute i want to pat his head all the time

not in a bias way he’s just v cute and i adore him

ok this is supposed to be a pirate au not me yelling about how beautiful one kang yeosang can be so let’s start

yeosang is sailing master of hongjoong’s ship, which means he’s in charge of navigation and following the maps and all

and he’s very good at his job! yeosang’s very smart and knows what he’s doing, also is very observant so if he sees something’s wrong in a map or something he will actually make notes and fix things so next time the crew is prepared

spends most of his time up in the crow’s nest because that’s the best vantage point from where he can see other ships and/or land

except sometimes he speaks a little too softly so he has to yell like five times for whoever’s steering to hear him

(wooyoung likes to joke that he should be the one up in the nest because he’s loud as fuck but then yeosang reminds him of that one time he tried to read a map but it was upside down and yeosang was the one who managed to put them back on course)

(wooyoung then shuts up)

yeosang was born in a relatively well-off family, not nobility or anything but they had some money which meant he was educated

and he ended up being pretty good at math n stuff and really like screwing around with the maps he’d find in his parents’ small library

except his parents died of a plague when he was little, and he got sent to live in an orphanage

he took the maps and books with him and that’s where he grew up until wooyoung came around

you know that video where yeosang says he was v innocent and didn’t know how the world worked and his parents were worried about him until he became friends with wooyoung? yeah that’s essentially what’s at play here

before they met yeosang was pretty much just in his own little world. didn’t interact much with the other orphans and the orphanage owners really did not give a shit so he just sat in his corner reading and rereading books n shit that he’d taken from his home

but when yeosang turned idk let’s say sixteen he met wooyoung on the streets

and for some reason??? wooyoung took a liking to yeosang despite the fact that yeosang would barely give him the time of the day

in fact yeosang liked wooyoung’s partner much more

(which made wooyoung a little jealous but we’ll talk more about that later)

(i’ll just say it wasn’t romantic but wooyoung can be a blind little shit sometimes so you see where this is going)

but eventually woosang + woo’s partner become good friends

woo + partner have avoided the orphanage their whole life, just making their own living on the streets

until one day they come to yeosang with news that there’s a pirate ship willing to take them on

and they want yeosang to come with them. 

to yeosang it sounds like half a dream and half some ludicrous fantasy - first of all it’s a pirate ship, what can he even do there?

second of all IT’S A PIRATE SHIP, THEY’RE ALL GOING TO DIE

but because wooyoung is wooyoung and his partner is his partner they manage to convince yeosang to give up his half-life at the orphanage - he’s not doing anything there anyway, and at least now he might be able to travel and see the places he’s only marked on maps

and hongjoong is actually ecstatic to have yeosang on board because even though seonghwa can do some navigation, he was never the best at geography n stuff even when he was taking lessons as a noble so having someone who knows maps and details of different lands, even if he’s never seen them before, is a blessing

they all settle in on the ship together and for a while, life goes somewhat well for yeosang. the ship is small and they haven’t really built up a major reputation yet so a lot of the other pirate ships either ignore them or just literally don’t see them

which gives yeosang time to learn swordplay and other skills he needs as a pirate

and as time goes on, the crew grows larger, they gain recognition on the seas, and one night as he sits drinking on the deck with woosan + woo’s partner under the stars, he admits to himself that he feels happy

but then you come along

ateez has just won a battle against a smaller ship that you happen to be the sailing master of

except unlike sailing master yeosang, you fucking hate it there because everyone’s a bitch and willing to stab someone in the back in order to get in the captain’s good graces

and get this: the captain is still fucking alive after the battle and you just want to be anywhere but there

so in a fit of desperation you’re like LET ME ON YOUR FUCKING SHIP I HATE IT HERE MY CAPTAIN’S A BITCH I WISH HE’D DIED

which... impresses hongjoong

and it’s like?? it leaves the other ship without a sailing master so mayhaps they’re even more fucked than hongjoong intended

so you get welcomed onto the crew!

and of course it takes a few weeks/months to actually feel your welcome, ateez will give chances to newcomers but they have to prove themselves too

but you end up doing that when you almost beat mf jung yunho in a mock sword fight on your fifth try - which is basically unheard of in the crew since literally only san and hongjoong are better fighters than him

so everyone pretty much accepts you after that

except yeosang

it’s kind of stupid - he’s really just jealous that you’re also a sailing master, he’s afraid that he won’t be seen as useful anymore now that you’ve come along (and with better sword skills too)

and it doesn’t help that you get along so easily with woosan + the others, who are supposed to be yeosang’s friends

so this dumb fucking rivalry now exists between the two sailing masters of hongjoong’s ship, one jealous and the other just confused but going along with it

it gives seonghwa many headaches and hongjoong even more

but despite everything, no matter how much the other crew members try to talk you too out of it you both just point at each other and are like he/they are a bitch. you expect me to get along with a bitch ???

(jongho: i mean yeah you both get along with woosan so)

(woosan: ready to fight but not really because jongho has Strength)

so yeah you two are enemies in the loosest sense, like you try not to let the rivalry get in the way of actual pirate business but otherwise you’re either arguing or giving each other the cold shoulder

hongjoong wants to fucking cry because you two actually work very well together when the time calls for it, but you just refuse to deal with each other otherwise

until his partner dies in the storm.

the entire crew is in shock, the mood dampened for the next few months as hongjoong grieves

san is also blaming himself even though it isn’t his fault that his rope snapped, even less his fault that their rope snapped

and everyone is miserable

after a few days, you walk up to yeosang and are like. hey. we need to put whatever this is behind us, at least for now - hongjoong doesn’t need to deal with our bullshit on top of what he already has, and san needs as much support as he can get

yeosang agrees and a truce is formed

it’s awkward at first - you’re used to tossing around jabs like nobody’s business and you’ve kind of forgotten how to interact with each other without hurling insults

but after a few weeks you and yeosang are at least on normal speaking terms

no one says anything but you can see seonghwa’s eyes sparkling in relief whenever you two are seamlessly navigating the ship together, or when one hops into the crow’s nest to take over from the other without a word

and during that time, you and yeosang grow a little closer, whether you realize it or not

telling the other to go take a break, i’ll watch for a little while or this map looks a little off, wasn’t the mountain a little closer to the next kingdom?

one night, yeosang almost collapses of exhaustion, and you make him drink water before carrying him to bed

another night he finds you poring over maps at ass o’clock in the morning and forces you to sleep

small things like that help you grow closer over time, and eventually, you start going back to insulting each other - except it’s not really insulting, just teasing

you two will banter when working together or yell at each other to go the fuck to sleep you dimwit

and you’d like to think that it makes hongjoong feel a little better, too, when he eventually pulls himself out of his stupor and begins acting a little more like his old self again

san too - the cracked glass look in his eyes eventually fades, and he starts to smile again

life goes on - the search for the treasure never stops

and as the years go by you maybe start to see yeosang as more than a crew mate, then more than a friend

yeosang feels the same

but beyond small touches and banter and reminders to take care of yourselves, you never say anything because you two are COWARDS

which is something you will regret for the rest of your life. 

one day you end up in a battle with a ship bigger than you’ve fought before

hongjoong had tried to steer you out of the way, but the ship just followed and eventually a fight was inevitable

it’s bloody and horrible, you and san are fighting back to back while wooyoung and yeosang are occupied somewhere closer to the crow’s nest

and you don’t even have time to think, it’s all just slash and stab and kill if you can

so at first, you don’t realize it when wooyoung goes down with a pained yell and yeosang is left alone

you cut down one pirate who’s been giving you trouble and spin to help wooyoung but then you catch sight of yeosang scrambling up the crow’s nest, out of reach of the pirate trying to cut his ankles

and your blood freezes. because though yeosang is a good fighter, if he’s trying to escape rather than fight...

something has gone very wrong.

you see it in his dangling leg and yeosang’s face contorted with pain as he hauls himself into the nest - his ankle is hurt, broken or twisted or something 

but the other pirate doesn’t have such an injury. and just as yeosang falls into the nest, he begins to climb up

you ry to go over to help but another pirate blocks your way and you’re forced to forego helping yeosang because the stupid enemies just won't stop coming

you try to believe that he’ll be fine even as blood coats your vision, as you try to fight your own battle against a seemingly endless enemy

until there’s an earsplitting yell from above and you look up to see yeosang double over in pain

both you and san exchange a single glance before trying to push through the throng to climb up, even though the sinking feeling in your chest tells you it’ll be too late

the pirate fighting yeosang stabs him, eliciting another yell - you swear you feel yeosang’s blood spatter all the way down onto your head as you rush over

but you stop, eyes wide with horror when the pirate lifts up yeosang’s limp body, streaming blood

and throws him out of the nest. 

later, wooyoung will tell you that your scream was what stopped the battle. he isn’t even joking, he’s deadly serious - people stopped fighting because you screamed so loud

you don’t even remember screaming. you only remember watching yeosang’s body sail through the air and racing to the ship’s edge, hand reaching out in a futile effort to catch him before he falls

for less than half a second, you meet yeosang’s eyes, blown wide with terror and pain

and then his body crashes beneath the ocean waves

someone holds you back from jumping over the railing. you kick and thrash but they don’t let go

your throat is raw from screaming yeosang’s name over and over and over because he can’t be dead, he can’t be - yeosang can swim, you know he can

but he had horrible injuries, and the pain mixed with seawater very well could have killed him before he even had the chance to drown

you keep screaming until your voice dies and your yells turns to sobs and you start begging, begging for him to come back

but his familiar blond head never resurfaces.

yeosang dies that day, dragged beneath the waves

taking a piece of your heart with him, too. 

If you enjoyed, please don’t forget to reblog and leave a comment to tell me what you thought! Thank you for reading and have a lovely day <3

(1 reblog = 1 prayer for me I'm going to need like 10 years of rest after this much angst)

[justxright]

Zeke Yeager x Reader - “Traitor”

Chapter 2 - “You are Never Leaving My Grasp”

Warnings : Spoilers for season 3, physical violence and a bit of Stockholm syndrome. MINOR SMUT, involving stripping of clothing.

As the night began to creep in slowly, the more scared you became. Zeke kept staring at you as if you were a meal. As if any minute he would jump out at you and start tearing you apart like a predator would rip open its prey. The glow of the fire also didn’t help. He looked like a demon, despite you and your race technically being the “devils”.

You tried to break eye contact and just stared at the fire pit. It was beyond awkward and you peaked here and there to get a glimpse of him. You’d have to admit though he was oddly handsome, and not to mention this guy was ripped. Was he not cold?

He continued stirring around the substance in the pot before he spoke. “Hm? Like what you see?” You made the mistake of looking into his eyes again before he let out a cocky smile and pointed his finger at you.

“No-! I just, it’s cold... sorry. You’re not wearing a jacket or anything so...” you trailed off and turned away to face the dusky horizon, avoiding the rest of the conversation.

“Well I just came out of a titan, and I’ll have you know it gets quite warm in there. But I’d hate to be distracting, so if it helps...” he left for a moment to walk into one of the tents before coming out moments later with a jacket on.

You puffed up her cheeks and just looked away. So annoying and cocky ...

Zeke could only sit back and admire how cute and flustered you were. You’ve just been captured and now you’re flustered while trying desperately to survive. He’ll admit you’re holding up quite well.

“You know, out of everyone else you’re the only one that’s been cooperative.” He then shook his head and let out a sigh of exhaustion. “Poor guys, if only they had been as helpful as you I wouldn’t have pushed them off the wall.” Zeke then poured you a cup of what seemed to be tea. “But in order for you to tell me everything, I need you to stay alive.”

You took the cup into your hands as best as you could and nodded slowly. “Thank you. I’ll tell you as much as I know, and the theories us scouts currently have.” Then you slowly took a sip of the tea. It was delicious, perhaps black tea? You also tasted a hint of honey.

“Oh! And she’s polite!” Zeke applauded and let out the biggest smile on his face. “I guess not all Eldians on Paradis Island are devils.” He reached down into the box next to him and took out a small loaf of bread before placing it next to you. “What a shame some angels are born here in hell. Perhaps if you behave yourself I can take you back to my hometown across the sea where the Titans will never reach you again.”

Your eyes widened and you nearly dropped your cup of tea. So many questions ran through your mind at once. Wait take you? Hold on, did he just call you an Angel? There’s a world beyond the sea? If felt as if you lost all of your breath and the only thing you could mumble was “The sea?...”

Zeke poured himself another cup of tea and swished it around in the cup for a moment. “Yes the sea. Surely you’ve seen it. You’re a scout aren’t you?”

You shook your head in disagreement. “Well yes, but I’ve only ever seen the sea in history books. That’s if I can get my hands on one without getting arrested.”

Zeke took a sip of his now warmer tea. “Ah I see. What a shame that the world’s memories are not only stolen, but the physical copies that remain are hunted down to be destroyed.”

Memories? What memories? Taking a deep breath, you chose your next words carefully. “Yes I know. It’s a shame... I just want to know the truth.”

Zeke leaned his head onto his hand for support, his eyes never left your face. “Well, I am a man of my word. If you behave I’ll take you back to my hometown and from there you’ll know the whole truth. Plus, the Titans will never reach you again.”

Suddenly the air grew colder than it was before and chills began to dig up your spine. You took in a huge gulp of pride and swallowed it. “Yes, I’d like that very much, but please don’t hur-“ but before you could finish, Zeke interrupted. “What? Hurt you?” He scoffed and put his cup of tea down before walking over to you slowly.

He kneeled down in front of you, his dull grey eyes felt like they were staring daggers into yours, when suddenly he took both of his hands and began to pinch your cheeks, but not in a cute way. It was painful and you whimpered at the pain as your eyes began to tear up. “Then don’t give me a reason to...” he whispered coldly. “Don’t you think I know you’re saying all this bullshit just to sway me?” He growled and pinched harder. “And don’t you think I know that you’ll try and escape when you get the chance?”

It hurt so bad. It felt as if Zeke had taken two hot knifes and began digging into your cheeks.

“Please, please! Stop it hurts!” You mumbled and cried, squirming around to get away from his grasp. This only made Zeke pinch even harder. He knew for sure these would leave bruises and you knew it too. “Please what? What’s my name? Please what?” He brought you forehead right against his and looked you straight in the eyes, waiting for your response. “Please Zeke. Please stop, it hurts really bad...” you said a little more gently as your face began to litter itself with your tears.

Absolutely pathetic. You felt pathetic and ashamed. Humanity’s strongest soilders has a helpless pathetic little sister. The potential wasted away, all because she doesn’t have the guts to be brave.

“There we go... just like that.” Zeke smiled and let go of both of your cheeks, staring at your puffy face while he wipped away your tears. “Hush now, don’t cry.” He suddenly grabbed your chin and forced you to look at the edge of the wall that faced the wilderness. “You know, out of everyone I’ve captured, you’re the only one that’s been so polite. All these other girls just gave me a hard time, so I had no choice but to throw them over the wall. They wouldn’t be suitable anyways if I had taken them back home with me.”

Icy cold sweat ran down your back while your voice shivered. “I-I swear I won’t run off! Please don’t throw me off the wall!” But you wanted him to throw you off the wall and you wanted to die right then and there. You did not want to go back with him to his hometown as some sort of prize, no matter how far away you were from the Titans.

While you whimpered and cried, Zeke still admired your pretty face. The bruises on your cheeks almost immediately started showing up on your face while it also showed itself to be red and irritated. All you could wonder is why. Why you? And why had you made the stupid decision to go with him? The chances of getting to back Levi became very slim, and you began to lose hope. Sure, you were an Ackerman by name, but not by blood. You weren’t naturally skilled like Levi, you had to earn it through lots of training. And for crying out loud, you were with the beast titan. There was no way you would make it out alive without his help, not to mention you were stuck on top of the wall with this guy.

Zeke pulled your face back to him and had rested your head against his forehead. The intense eye contact was beyond horrific but it only got worse when he had leaned in and kissed your cheeks. “Don’t you worry now, I won’t throw you off these walls because I’ve made a decision.”

Paralyzed, you dared yourself to ask what that decision was with wide eyes. Zeke stared for a moment before caressing your face. “Darling, you are never leaving my grasp.”

And your heart nearly stopped as all the left over hope you had shattered into a million pieces. Everything after that became a blur and the next thing you knew is that you were in a tent right next to him. He had removed the rope around your wrist and forced you to change into a little brown sweater of his. You slipped off the belts and suspenders off of your waist and felt his eyes look you up and down. Especially after you had pulled off your uniform’s button down long sleeve. His eyes stared you up and down, and what he wanted so badly was to take you right there and claim you as his. Zeke had taken your scout cloak, brown jacket, and shirt before folding it into a corner of the tent. The only thing you had left was your white pants and brown boots.

Zeke then grabbed both of your hands and began to tie them up again, this time a little more gently. You could bet that this man was either bipolar or really harsh when it came to discipline and precautions. He held your hand in his for a moment before turning over and unzipped a sleeping bag. “Well now, I know today was harsh, but I promise you it will get better.” Zeke leaned into your legs and began to remove your boots.

You had to admit, it felt nice to have them removed. Your foot ached and so did your back. It felt like this day had gone on for years and all you wanted was to sleep. Zeke then gestured for you to crawl in the sleeping bag and you did as commanded. He then zipped you up and stared at you with the a soft smile. The first smile that you’d seen from him that wasn’t all at sinister, but genuinely kind. “Goodnight Y/n, get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow.”

Unknowingly, you smiled back and spoke softly with half of your face covered by the sleeping bag. “Goodnight Zeke...”

Zeke was beyond ecstatic that you seemed to finally obey him. The view of you comfortably relaxing in the sleeping bag seemed to make his heart race. Not only that, but the way you said his name made him want to curl up next to you and kiss you all over. But he knew it wouldn’t be a good idea after all the shock it had just put you through.

He brought out a sleeping bag next to you and crawled it. You laid on your side and faced away from him, your heart racing at a hundred miles per hour. You couldn’t even escape his scent. It was on you and he was right next to you. The smell of cigarettes and sweet honey tea filled your nose as you secretly took a whiff of the smell from his sweater. While sleepless for hours, you’ll have to admit that you were becoming accustomed to his scent.

Slowly but surely, he was getting there to make you his.

•

Meanwhile back at the inner walls, Levi panicked and furiously went through every group of soilders to find were you had gone. During the aftermath of everything the only thing he could assume was the worst. He swore to Miche that if anything were to ever happen to you, he’d rip him apart the same way he does with the Titans. Even after all of that, Levi wish he had begged you to stay instead of letting you go beyond the walls.

It wasn’t until he had snapped out of his thoughts when he had heard the man next him preaching some irrating shit he didn’t like to hear. Levi pointed a gun at the man beneath his coat and finally reminded himself of what was going on. Right, the titan in the walls Pastor Nick knew about. “There can be other ways to get information out of him...”

Hange assured him that threats and torture didn’t work on this man. Levi grew even more pissed and so badly wanted to shoot the man. Perhaps due to this inner anger that he didn’t know where you were and so badly wanted to take out his frustrations on the preacher. Eren threw a fit about how everything was backwards and so badly wanted to know how he knew about the Titans in the wall. Just like how Levi wanted to know so badly about why you hadn’t returned to him yet.

Honestly he was in no position to focus on what was going on since you had gone missing. Levi had once lost two of his closest friends and he was no where near ready to lose you. Never once had you ever came back to him late, and before Levi knew it you were gone that entire night. Until finally his worst fear came true, that the nights had suddenly become days. Days where reports of Titans were spotted within wall Rose, but there was no breach. Throughout those days of endless exploration he never found you, but he never gave you up for dead.

“Y/n... where did you go?”

Note : Thank you all so much! I’m surprised that this series had more of a demand, especially since it’s my first Attack on Titan fic. ~

[cudan2]

One Last Surgery

Spring Break Shadowing Part 5.1

Carlisle Cullen x Reader

Word Count: 2,043

Summary: You finally find out the reason for going to the children’s hospital, but you’re more distracted than usual today and Dr. Cullen can tell. 

A/N: Tell me why part 5 of SBS takes up over half of the whole series? I’ve had this sitting in my drafts for 5 months because I keep adding more to it smh. Now it’s too long so I’ve decided to split it up into 3 parts (in addition to parts 6 and 7). I’m making the final edits the rest of this part now - 5.2 should be posted in like two days.

Anyways, this is technically the beginning of  #1 and #2 on my headcanon list.

Masterlist

XXX

Morgan Stanley Children’s Hospital is only across the street from Doctor Cullen’s office, but it seems to take forever to get there. You trail the doctor like a lost puppy through a skyway and a series of corridors before eventually reaching the right building. Different is definitely an understatement.

Gone are the linoleum-tiled floors, the abstract paintings lining the hallways, and the stark white walls. Instead, there are bright colors everywhere you look. Artwork featuring various galaxies and planets scatter throughout the hospital, and giant stars are imprinted along the floors; even the whole atmosphere just feels different.

You don’t get much time to analyze the differences though. Doctor Cullen is wasting no time to reach the destination, and his long legs aren’t making it any easier to keep up.

“Not that I don’t like surprises, but any chance you can tell me what we’re doing in the children’s hospital now?”

“Impatient, are we?” Doctor Cullen chuckles. He stops at an elevator and pushes the up button, only giving into your question once he catches a glimpse of your pout. “Alright, you win. Are you familiar with a cleft palate or cleft lip?”

The elevator dings, the doors sliding open with it. You shake your head no and get on the elevator with him. He presses the button for the floor and then leans against the wall, arms outstretched on the handrail, and gives you an explanation. 

“A cleft is a gap or split occurring in the roof of the mouth, upper lip, or both. It is due to improper joining of the tissue during fetal development. There are no definitive known causes as of right now, but it’s believed that the environment and genetics can play a role.

The hospital has its own craniofacial team, but I was asked to join this particular case given its more complicated nature. Hanna became one of the first patients I treated when I came to Columbia,” Doctor Cullen finishes fondly, a smile gracing his lips.

“What makes this case complicated?” you ask.

“Hanna was born with a bilateral complete cleft lip and palate, meaning her lip cleft is two-sided and continues into her nose. It took quite a few surgeries to repair the lip, but now the next step is to repair the palate.”

The elevator reaches the floor and dings. You follow Doctor Cullen out and continue prodding him with more questions, which he is more than eager to answer. It’s incredible how knowledgeable he is. Granted, it is his job to know these things, but you couldn’t begin to imagine yourself being able to even scratch the surface of these topics, not to mention give a mini lecture on it.

You’re soon standing at the door to a patient room while the doctor asks Hanna’s parents if you can observe. They readily agree, and Doctor Cullen motions for you to come in.

Inside the room, you see an infant that can’t be more than a year old – Hanna.  She’s sitting upright on the bed, leaning against who you assume to be her father. You notice two fading scars going up into her nose above her lip. Her mother is waving a stuffed toy around her, but Hanna’s attention is fixated on the blonde doctor.

“Y/N, allow me to introduce you to Hanna’s parents, Anthony and Linh Pham. And this is Doctor Giselle Adamou, who will be working with me on the surgery,” Doctor Cullen gestures to the older doctor in the room.

“It’s nice to meet you all,” you say politely.

Pre-op goes differently than what you’ve gotten used to observing this week. There is no case presenting given the lack of residents on the case. If anything, this is what you would expect out of a non-teaching hospital.

Doctor Cullen re-explains the procedures to Hanna’s parents, but halfway through, Hanna crawls to the end of the bed where Doctor Cullen is and attempts to stand, arms outstretched as if to say, “Up! Up!” Bewilderment is not a word you would have associated with him, and yet you catch the brief widening of his eyes that betray his usually calm demeanor.

“I think she wants you to hold her,” Linh comments.

“I can see,” Doctor Cullen muses. “Do you mind?”

“She’s all yours.” Linh picks her daughter up from the bed and hands her to the doctor. The sound of Hanna’s elated laughter fills the room, and you can’t stop a small smile from appearing on your own face. A cute baby and a gorgeous doctor? You don’t know who to thank for the sight.

Meanwhile, Hanna starts playing with various pens in Doctor Cullen’s breast pocket while Doctor Adamou continues where her colleague left off. You try to pay attention, you really do. Like Hanna though, your attention lies on someone else, and that someone else happens to be Doctor Cullen.

The more you study him, the more the minute features you never noticed about him before seem to pop out to you. Under the bright fluorescent lighting of the hospital, the dark purple circles under his eyes are more apparent than ever. How ironic for the preacher of health to lack sleep himself. His eyes, which you normally consider to be a vivid golden, are darker than you initially thought them to be. They are liquid pools of dark amber, speckled with dustings of gold and flecks of black. There isn’t a single blemish on his face that you can see either, further confirming your belief that this man is truly the most attractive person you have ever met. Either that or he must have one hell of a skincare routine.

It’s unnerving how young his appearance is. Skincare and diet can only do so much for a person, right? Doctor Cullen has to be at least 35 at the minimum, yet he could easily pass off as someone from your own school.

“Any last minute questions?” you hear Doctor Adamou ask and snap back into reality. By missing nearly everything the older doctor talked about, you already know you’ll be so screwed if and when Doctor Cullen decides to interrogate you on this case.

Neither parent has anything left to say, so Doctor Cullen gives a reluctant Hanna back to her mother. She lets out a cry and his expression softens.

“I know, sweetheart. I’ll miss you too, but I need to get ready for your big surgery, okay? I promise you’ll see me again in a few hours.” His soothing voice does wonders for her. In an instant, Hanna quiets down and her frown is replaced with giggles and smiles again. She waves the two of you off, and you both take your leave with Doctor Adamou trailing behind you. You’re not even halfway out the door yet when Doctor Cullen starts testing your knowledge again.

“Y/N, what procedure will we be doing to repair Hanna’s cleft?” 

You do not have this one in the bag whatsoever. You wrack your brain for information that could help you, but Doctor Adamou interjects before you get a chance to say anything.

“Why does it not surprise me that you’re treating students like interns already, Carlisle?”

“I am merely advancing the education of next generation’s doctors,” he responds.

“Whatever you say,” she laughs. “Don’t scare off Y/N though, or we won’t have any doctors left in the next generation.” She turns to you after picking up files from a nearby counter and says, “You come running to me if he pushes you too hard, alright?”

You grin. “For sure.”

“Good. I look forward to seeing you both in the OR,” she says before heading off.

You like Doctor Adamou. Each surgeon you’ve met here so far has had such different personalities, yet each also has the charisma and confidence to take control of a room and command respect. You, on the other hand, could barely get your own friends to listen to your own words. How are you ever going to get on the level of all the amazing doctors around you?

“She saved you there,” Doctor Cullen comments, leafing through Hanna’s charts as he walks you into an empty elevator to the operating floor. Oops, it’s just your luck that he noticed your lack of attention during the pre-op. “It’s unlike you to be distracted. Penny for your thoughts?”

The elevator doors shut, and he looks up from the chart, his eyes falling onto yours. He has that twinkle in his eyes again – the one that brings warmth to your cheeks and could make anyone weak in their knees. You know it’s silly, but a single look from him could make you spill any of your deepest and darkest secrets, yet a part of you also knows that he would keep it. You’re not naïve – you know it’s dangerous to put so much faith into a man you only met this week – but there’s something about him that told your instincts to trust him from the very beginning.

Call it intuition, or maybe it’s just plain stupidity, but you sure as hell aren’t going to tell him about how you got distracted because of his pretty face.

You hesitate for a moment and let out a sigh. “How do you do it?” He quirks a brow, momentarily perplexed, and you attempt to find the right words. “How do you make all of this look so easy? How do you know what the right thing to say is? Or trust that what you’re doing is even right? How did you know if this was all meant for you? This is really dumb, but it seems like everyone here was born for this job, and then there’s... me.”

There’s a slight sense of dread starting to form in your stomach. You’re unsure if what you asked even made any sort of sense and wonder if you gave too much away. Giving any reason to second guess your abilities is like digging your own grave when it comes to this career. Expressing uncertainty is one of the biggest taboos of the cutthroat world that is pre-med because schools would not accept students that aren’t absolutely, totally, and completely sure about this path.

You’ve wanted this for so long, yet there’s still a part of you that doubts if you would be enough.

Rather than going straight to gowning and scrubbing in for the surgery, Doctor Cullen grabs your hand and leads you down to an abandoned hallway, only letting go once the two of you are hidden in an alcove away from any prying ears or eyes.

“What are you doing? Shouldn’t you be getting ready for surgery?”

“We have a few minutes to spare. Y/N, please know that I understand how you feel,” he says softly. “There was a time when I questioned my own abilities as well… whether my perseverance could overcome adversity. It took quite some time to reach where I am today.  However, without enduring those trials and tribulations, I would not be here. With time comes experience, and it is that experience that allows me to perform my job the best I can.”

His voice reminds you of a gentle breeze, rustling the leaves of a tree on a cool summer night when he continues speaking in hushed tones. It brings a blanket of reassurance, a sense that things would eventually be alright.

“I have said this before, but I see enormous potential in you. You still have a great deal of time to grow and develop your skills. It’s easy to get caught up in comparing yourself with others, especially given today’s societal standards, but I believe you are much more capable than you may think you are. Everyone’s journey is different and yours may not necessarily be as linear as you would prefer. In due time though, I have faith that you will succeed.”

What he says is exactly what you needed to hear.

The swell of tears pricks at your eyes and start blurring your vision, but you blink them away quickly, fighting the urge to wrap your arms around the doctor. 

“Thank you, Doctor Cullen.” Your voice is barely above a whisper.

“You’re very welcome. Now, I believe there’s a little girl waiting on us.” 

XXX

Tag List - Message me to be added or removed to either this series or the rest of my fics!

@jelly-fishy-babie @notahappytree @anxiousgoldengirl

[after-avenging-hours]

Heart Skip [16]: Steve x Reader

Series Summary:  A soulmate AU where from the moment you are born, two partners share a heartbeat.  They race in times of joy, slow in times of sadness, and they skip at the same moment.

Word Count: 2236

Warnings: ANGST, couple quarrel, yelling, light swearing, heart ache

Heart Skip / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 /  Part 9 / Part 10 / Part 11 / Part 12 /  Part 13 / Part 14 / Part 15

Steve’s eyes blink open and it takes a second for his vision to clear up. His lips pull into a frown as he tries to figure out where he is, but the movement of his lips makes his face hurt. Just about everything hurts. It doesn’t take long for him to figure out that he’s in the hospital. He looks around, catching sight of Sam sitting next to him.

“On your left,” he speaks, his voice sounding gruff in his ears.

Sam glances up from his book, meeting his gaze and smirks. “Look who’s finally awake.”

Steve makes another sweep of his eyes around the room. “Where’s Y/N?” he asks.

The question sobers Sam a little. “She’s on the first floor. Getting treated for shock.” He sees the concern growing in Steve’s eyes. “Nat’s with her. She’ll be okay, but you nearly dying put some strain on her heart.”

“Shit,” Steve grimaces, hating that once again he’s causing you to have heart problems.

“Let me text Nat to let her know you’re awake. I’m sure they’ll be able to bring Y/N up here.” Sam closes his book and walks around Steve’s bed to grab his phone off the docking station.

A few minutes later, the door swings open and Nat walks in, wheeling you in a hospital wheelchair. Sam shifts his chair back to make room, so Nat can wheel you to the bedside. “Steve…” you breathe his name with relief, seeing that he’s truly awake. Nat locks the wheels of your chair before she and Sam step out to give you both some privacy.

“You okay?” Steve asks in concern, reaching for your hand.

You quickly burst into tears. “I should be asking you that,” you speak through your sobs. “I was so scared you were-” you choke on another sob, unable to continue.

Steve squeezes your hand, feeling a pang in his chest from your pain. “Oh, Y/N… Please don’t cry. I’m okay.” he swipes his thumb over the back of your hand, wishing he had the strength to pull you into his arms.

You sniff your nose and wipe your free hand over your eyes. “I’m crying because you ruined my uniform and now it can’t be returned back to the museum.”

Steve huffs out a short laugh, before groaning in pain. “Sweetheart, please don’t make me laugh,” he winces, holding his other hand against his stomach, where his gunshot wound is just beginning to heal.

You bite your bottom lip and give him an apologetic look. “Sorry.”

He gives you a half-smile of reassurance with the undamaged side of his mouth. “S’okay. I do already feel a lot better having you here with me.” His eyelids begin to grow heavy and his blinks are slower. “I’m still pretty tired though…” he sighs quietly.

You move your second hand to where he holds your first and gently run your fingers up and down his forearm. “You should sleep some more. Your body needs time to heal.” The words have no sooner left your mouth before he’s fallen back asleep.

Sam and Natasha come back in a little later. You thank them both heavily for being there for both you and Steve. After a few hours, Steve wakes back up and feels better enough to insist that you should be discharged and taken somewhere to get some rest for yourself. The apartment complex you both were living in is still considered a crime scene and isn’t safe for you to return to by yourself. Nat was able to sneak into the building to get you a change of clothes and your toiletries, so you could at least change and get some rest at a hotel near the hospital.

You’re sitting at Steve’s bedside the next day when someone new enters the hospital room. The man wears a three-piece suit and a pair of sunglasses, even though he’s indoors. Steve raises a brow, the corner of his mouth lifting as much as the stitches in his cheek will allow. “Tony?”

“Cap,” the man greets with a nod.

“Did you bring me flowers?” Steve asks dubiously, noting the colorful bouquet in the man’s arms.

“These are actually for Miss America,” Tony smiles charmingly, handing the bouquet to you. “We haven’t met yet. Tony Stark.”

You release a small laugh and stand up to take the flowers from him. “Thank you, they’re beautiful.”

Tony gives you a once over as you cradle the flowers to your chest, before sending a smirk to Steve. “She’s entirely too cute for you.”

“Believe me, I know,” Steve agrees, sending you a look that makes your face hot.

Tony moves to stand at the foot of Steve’s bed and looks him over. “Wow, you didn’t even look this bad after New York.”

Steve shoots him a dry look. “Thanks,” he responds flatly, making you giggle. Steve’s eyes move to you and they immediately turn soft.

“I hear the both of you are in the market for some decent housing,” Tony speaks up, gripping the rail at the foot of Steve’s bed. The two of you share a curious look before turning back to Tony. “Avengers Tower is now fully operational. I wanted to extend a formal invitation to you both. There’s plenty of room, you can even have a whole floor to yourselves if you so desire. Banner’s already been staying with us. Thor pops in every once in awhile when he’s not off with his scientist lady. I would have reached out earlier, but you seemed rather content in your little bubble. At least until that bubble popped into an inter-agency conspiracy… Sorry about that, by the way.”

“…Are you asking us to move to New York?” Steve questions.

Tony shrugs casually, trying to downplay it. “I’m just saying, the offer is there.”

You and Steve share another look. Steve looks just about ready to jump out of the hospital bed and start packing now. You’re much more hesitant. It feels like you were just beginning to get used to some semblance of a normal life, but now everything’s been turned upside down. Again. The only thing that seems to be consistent in your life is its inconsistency. Steve’s brows furrow when he reads the hesitation in your eyes. “Can we think about it?” he finally asks Tony.

“Sure thing. No pressure. You know how to find me,” he taps his hands against the bed rail before taking his leave.

“You okay?” Steve asks, the concerned crease appears between his brows.

“Yeah,” you force a smile. “It’s just been a strange couple of days.”

--

With Steve’s accelerated healing, he recovers enough to get released from the hospital a few days later. The chaos around your apartment building has eased up and you’re allowed to stay there once again. Steve’s apartment is still technically considered a crime scene, so he just grabs a few essentials and stays with you. He’s currently making dinner, while you work on a school reading assignment at the table.

“I think we should move to New York,” Steve speaks, breaking the otherwise comfortable silence of the room.

You immediately pause in the middle of the notes you’d been writing. You absorb his words before releasing a long sigh and set your pen down. You’ve been dreading this conversation ever since it was brought up as an option. “You’re really ready to just jump back into it, aren’t you?” your question comes out in a strange mix of disbelief and resignation.

Steve gives you a look of confusion. “What do you mean?”

You pin him with a look that says it should be obvious to him. “You almost died, Steve. Shouldn’t that warrant at least some consideration into your life choices before you jump into the next thing?”

He looks back at you incredulously, like he can’t believe the words coming out of your mouth. “I’m needed as Captain America. That’s not a choice. That’s who I am.”

“No,” you deny fervently. “Captain America is a job. Who you are is Steve Rogers.”

He narrows his eyes into a pointed look. “I can’t stop, not when I know that Hydra is still out there. The world needs Captain America. Now more than ever.”

You huff in frustration. “The world is always going to need Captain America. But I need Steve Rogers.”

“Please don’t make me do this,” he shakes his head slowly, pain filtering into his eyes. “Don’t make me choose between one life and the rest of the world.”

“It’s not just one life, Steve. It’s two! This is your life, too! Our life!” You urge, begging him to see it. “And you’re letting it slip through your fingers,” the pain in your own chest makes your voice waiver.

“Why are you making such a big deal about this? The only decision we’re making is whether or not to move to New York.”

“That’s not true, and you know it.” You give him a blatant stare. “Maria told me what really happened up there.” Steve’s face blanches at your words. “Did you even think about me when you gave her the order to bring down the airship while you were still on it?”

He releases a long sigh, crossing his arms over his chest and dropping his gaze. “Of course, I did. But I didn’t have a choice.”

You scoff dryly, looking off into the distance, unable to stand looking back at him. “There’s always a choice, but I guess it will never be me.”

“Y/N, that’s not fair.”

Irritation creases your brow when you finally turn back to meet his gaze. “Don’t you want a future together? To settle down? To get married. Have children. Don’t you want any of that?”

Steve runs his fingers through his hair and shrugs a shoulder. “I thought I did. But that was before…” His voice trails off.

You look at him incredulously. “Before what?” you question. “Before you woke up in the future?” you guess. But then you come to the realization, “Or before you took the serum and became Captain America?”

He releases a soft sigh. 

“I don’t know.”

Your lungs make every breath feel like the vice around them is growing tighter. “When you stepped into that pod, did you even once consider the things you would be losing?”

“You wouldn’t have been happy,” he tries to give an excuse but you’re not having it.

“No, Steve. You wouldn’t have been happy. You’re always telling me that you think I needed you to be strong, to be a hero… But I didn’t. I never cared about how tall you were, or how much weight you could lift. I would have been happy with you before the serum. Because I love you, Steve Rogers. Not Captain America. You are enough for me. You’re all I want. But I guess I’m not enough for you.”

“Don’t say that. You are enough.”

“Am I? Then why are you so willing to run out that door, every day?”

“Because the world needs me! If I don’t fight for what’s right, then who will?”

Your eyes turn sad as you look back at him. “You’ve spent your whole life fighting; you don’t know how to stop picking them. Do you?”

His jaw clenches and there’s a tick in his cheek, but he doesn’t grace that with a response.

“If Steve Rogers is worthless to Captain America? What does that make me?” You let the question hang in the air for a moment, but the sadness within you only grows as he continues to remain silent. “I guess I’ll only ever be a liability.” You don’t give him much of a chance to respond to that. It’s becoming too much; you have to get out of this room. Pushing your chair back, you stand from your spot at the table and head for the doorway out of the kitchen.

“Y/N,” Steve calls. “We’re not done talking about this. Come back,” he speaks sternly. When you don’t even pause, Steve releases a harsh huff. “Y/N, that’s an order.”

As soon as the words are out in the air, Steve immediately regrets them. Your entire body stiffens, back straightening, shoulders tensing. 

When you slowly turn back around to face him, there’s a fire in your eyes. “Excuse me?” you ask dangerously. Tears of frustration and pain line the rim of your eyes, threatening to spill over. “You do not get to give me orders,” your tone is sharper than a blade. You shake your head at him in disbelief. “You are my soulmate. NOT my captain!”

The look of disgust that crosses your features pierces Steve’s gut. He can’t even find the words to try to stop you when you walk away from him again. There’s a resounding slam of the bedroom door coming from deep within the apartment.

“Damn it,” he huffs, mostly annoyed with himself now. He runs both hands through his hair, gripping tightly at the short strands. There’s a hollow sort of ache deep within his chest that he’s never felt before. It’s horrible.

What happens next is so much worse.

Through the walls of the apartment, Steve’s sensitive hearing picks up on the sound of your utterly broken sobbing. It’s enough to bring him to his knees. His back slides against the kitchen cupboards as he sinks to the floor. If there’s a hell on earth, this is it.

[teenage-mutant-ninja-freak]

Show me yours and I’ll show you mine

Mob! Leo x fem reader

Summery: You’re a sex worker working at the infamous Red Room (R&R) brothel in New York city when you run into Leo who’s there not on business. He, somehow, takes a liking to you and your adventure ensues.

Warnings: NSFW, sex work mentions, fist fight/violence, alcohol mentions, violence mentions.

((A/N: This doesn’t have much of a plot, just a fun idea I had and I haven’t written a mob fic in so long so here ya’ go!!))

It wasn’t a slow day at Red Room, Clients had been in and out all day and it was nearing 7pm. The smell of perfume and cologne hung heavy in the air and the place was starting to get messy. During the day the brothel is mainly used for men to drink and be kept company but when the night hits, it comes alive.

Women roaming around in lingerie of every kind, singers and dancers to entertain those who are just here to escape their wives or boys trying to become men chasing down pretty women who only show interest after they flash their cash. Security is pretty tight, too. Can’t have minors getting in, as much as they try, or anyone throwing off the atmosphere with drunken brawling.

It’s a beautiful September night, the air is still warm the remnants of summer and sun beans are streaming in through the ornate glass windows. Classic, beautiful furniture covers the main room where men get to know their chosen girl before she takes them back to her room and the bar is crowded with the usuals who are just here to watch and have a good time.

You walk through the vast room, smiling and making chit chat with as many of the men as you can before picking up your drink and retiring to one of the chairs. For a busy day it was still slow for you. You adjust your thigh highs as you sit and take off your heels. A small rest wouldn’t kill you. There were all sorts in tonight including, or so you’d heard, one of the mob boys. You hadn’t laid eyes on him yet but there was a certain tension surrounding the place that only the turtle boys could create so even if you hadn’t seen him, you could feel him. They weren’t strangers to R&R, sometimes they’d bring business associates here to butter them up, buy them a girl for the night and talk business where she kissed their neck or they’d come for their own pleasure. 

You take another look around the room, most of the men were focused on Starla who was singing a blues version of “how to be a heart breaker”, her voice slightly deeper than usual and full of sensual promise and her bright red, lacy bra and panties are particularly stunning. Praying that no one will approach you for at least another 10 minutes you take a sip of your whiskey and sit back to enjoy the show- when you hear it.

From a more distant corner of the room there are raised voices and harsh words being thrown about, something that is not accepted in the Red Room. Putting down your drink, you pick up your heels in your other hand and go over to see what all the fuss is about.

“I want what I fucking paid for!” comes a voice from a heavily intoxicated man who is standing on the last step to the stairs. Cherry stand in front of him, clearly distressed and looking slightly dishevelled. You can only assume that something went wrong in the bedroom and she had to run. Bastard you thought to yourself.

“Not if you won’t wear a condom! There are fucking rules!” she bites back. She was right, R&R had very strict guidelines to keep their girls and patrons safe and condoms must be worn for any and all sexual activity as well as regular STD checks.

That’s when he finally loses his cool completely, grabbing Cherry by the hair and trying to pull her back up the stairs. You don’t know exactly what came over you but before you know what you’re doing you drop your heels and rush over, prising his hand from her hair and socking him in the jaw. His head flies back from the impact and hits the wall, ricocheting off it before he falls down cold on the stairs which is met by a round of applause from the crowd that has gathered around you both. You turn to a now crying Cherry.

“you ok? What did he do? You alright?” you ask in quick succession. 

“I-I’m-” she sobs and holds on to you, you wrap your arms around her bare waist and move her slightly to the side as the ever late security deals with the unconscious guy. You decide it’s better to get her away and instead take her outside where some of the other girls have crowded round and offer her drinks and cigarettes as well as their sympathies. They stroke her hair and comfort her so you venture back inside, leaving her in their very capable hands. 

Once back in the main room, the madame for the night walks briskly over to you with a hard expression on her face.

“And just what was that?” She half whispers

“I know right, that jerk was trying to make her go bare back even though we’re super specific that we don’t do that here” you reply

“Not that!” She snaps “That little brawl you had with him. What do you think you were doing?”

“...Defending my colleague?” you’re confused, this isn’t the first time one of the girls here has had to step up for another, it probably won’t be the last either. 

“We have to crack down on you- you girls getting into fights! It’s dangerous and irresponsible and I think you should go home for the rest of-”

You both stop when you sense a presence to your right. Looking over you come face to face with a towering figure: Leonardo.

The madame clears her throat and smiles

“Ah, Mr Leonardo! How- how may we help you?” she beams at him. You’re not sure if it’s out of respect or fear, probably a mixture of both.

“How much for this one?” He says point blank.

“Excuse me?” The madame’s jaw almost hits the floor

“How much for this one for a few hours?”

You smile and give him big doe eyes as he talks price with her and she still attempts to send you home. Eventually it’s settled and allows you to take him back to your room.

He’s silent on the walk up there even as you chat idly about how handsome he is as you usually do with clients and making sure to sway your hips extra heavily to give him a good view as you walk up ahead of him.

Once tucked inside your room, you kneel on the bed and face him.

“So, how do you want me, big guy?” you say in a low, seductive voice.

He sits in a chair by the door in the corner and lights up a cigarette which isn’t technically allowed but acceptations are always made to accommodate the mob boys so you let it slide. 

“You can cut that shit out now” he says bluntly.

“what shit?” you’re confused again

“The ‘big guy’ and ‘you’re so handsome’ practically drooling over me shit. It’s overdone and, honestly, you’re not very convincing.”

“I’ll have you know that my acting skills are top notch but if you want realness lets go. How do you wanna fuck me and how long do I have to put up with you for?”

He smiles at that

“Atta’ girl”

You both sit in silence for a few minutes as he looks over you, drinking in your form. His eyes always linger on your hips and the garter belt around your waist so you can safely assume these are your best features in his opinion. 

“What possessed you to take on that drunk guy?” he breaks the silence

“My friend was in trouble, besides, I’ve got a solid right hook and wanted an excuse to use it” you reply. He smiles again. Not to be cocky, but I think I’m winning him over you think to yourself.

He’s rented out your room for two hours and all he seems to want to do is talk. He doesn’t even get up from his chair apart from once and only then it was to look out the window as he asked you about how you ended up here. You assumed it was some kind of saviour complex, the whole “how did a nice girl like you end up in a dump like this” routine but the truth is you like the Red Room. You love the attention and praise it gets you, your family knows what you do for a living and are proud of you and you’ve made some good friends here. 

“...Besides” you continue “it’s the only place around here where it’s not impossible to make 5 grand in a night if you try hard enough. Most other places can’t say the same.”

He was decent conversation although he was reluctant to tell you anything about himself, but he listened and appeared genuinely interested in what you had to say. You even made him laugh a few times. You didn’t know the turtle boys even had a sense of humour. 

Your 2 hours with him were coming to an end and, after pouring him a final drink, you said your goodbyes, It wasn’t completely unusual for a client to simply want to talk for their time with you, but from what you’d heard the turtle boys have an insatiable appetite for women so it doesn’t quite sit right with you that he didn’t want your body. Oh well.

_________________

The next morning was your day off. You woke up before your alarm and took a few minutes to hug your pillow closer to you and breathe in the fresh morning air from the window by your head. Your apartment was modest but not dingy in the slightest, the Red Room paid well and your home reflected that to some extent although you never wanted to be flashy about it. Last night was still on your mind, the way Leo (as he had asked you to call him) looked at you was still burned into your memory. His scent and the way he raised each drink to his lips. Everything he did commanded authority and was done with such grace and composure. Your thoughts were rudely interrupted by your alarm, only, it wasn’t your alarm. 

Confused, you look at your phone and see the madame is calling. What does this old bitch want? you think before answering the call.

“Hello?” you talk into the phone, trying to hide your distaste at being bothered on one of your precious days off.

“Hi, y/n, I really hate to do this but I need to get straight to the point. You have an outcall today.” the voice replies

“Oh, I’m sorry, you must be mistaken, This is my day off and I don’t do outcalls anymore. That’s been cleared with you guys for months.” the annoyance was beginning to shine through your voice. 

“Yes, I’m aware, but special allowances have to be made when certain clientele....Desire your company...”

“Who the fuck do you think is special enough to get me out of bed right now?” you hiss into the phone

“Leonardo...”

You didn’t hear the rest of her sentence as you take a second to let that sink in. Half of you was pissed as hell that these rich boys get whatever they want and whoever they want just because they practically run the town through fear, but another small part of you was...Flattered. 

“What time and where?” you ask

The madame gives you all the information and you hurry out of bed to get showered and ready. You only had an hour and a half to make yourself look presentable and actually get half way across town to his mansion. 

Five minutes before you need to be out of the door, you take a second to admire yourself in the mirror. You had done a good job with your cat eye makeup and you were pretty sure your have him eating out of your hand with the little baby pink slip dress you were wearing. Underneath was another garter belt, thigh highs and a small heel. You could have gone bigger considering you were only average height and Leo must have been about 6′7 at least but you decided a small heel worked better with the aesthetic you were cultivating. 

____________________

The uber pulled up the the enormous house that towered in front of you, driving carefully between the ornate and ancient statues that seemed the guard the entrance to the driveway. Opening the door and stepping out, the almost overwhelming aroma of roses filled your nose from the thickets by the front door. Everything was beautiful and clearly meticulously designed and placed. You felt your heart drop. What the fuck do I have to offer this guy who has everything? You swallow the lump in your throat and go to ring the door bell. 

A small, round man dressed in a white shirt and black waistcoat answers the door and smiles at you as if you ask why you’re here. Running a hand through your hair in an attempt to compose yourself (you’re a professional after all) you use your most confident voice to say:

“I’m y/n, and I’m here for Leonardo. He should be expecting me”

Realisation washes over the man’s face as he asks you to “please come in” and you take a seat in the foyer. You take a second to look around. The entrance hall is magnificent, a huge chandelier hangs above you with crystals or even diamonds (you weren’t sure but they were rich enough to afford such luxuries) casting glorious rainbows around the room as the light from the windows shines through it. The furniture had to be custom made, you’d never seen anything like it before and in the centre of the foyer is a round table with the most beautiful vase you’d ever seen and a carefully constructed bouquet of flowers sitting in it. You’d started to realise that maybe you were in too deep, but there was no getting out now.

It’s not long before you here footsteps coming down the stairs behind you. Leo and his older, and somehow taller, brother were walking down and seemed to be deep in conversation. They were still a little too far away to hear and they spoke in hushed voices but you could make out the purple suited one say

“She’s not talking” in a feverish voice to which Leo replied

“That’s not my problem right now, deal with her before I deal with you!”

it sounded serious.

Once at the bottom of the staircase and spotting you, he posture relaxes a little and he puts on that charming smile which reminds you that you need to do the same. That’s what he’s paying for, but he has such beautiful deep blue eyes that it;s difficult to not get distracted by them. He wore a black suit with very thing white lines going down it and a baby blue handkerchief in the breast pocket, his signature colour. He looked to die for.

He approaches and greets you with a warm hug and kiss on the cheek while telling you how beautiful you look. What a silver tongue he has. 

He takes you on a tour of the house and garden, it’s clear that he’s only doing this as a formality, to get you comfortable around him and it isn’t to brag. He almost seems indifferent about his extreme wealth. There were a few rooms with heavy locks on the doors and he didn’t show you into those or one entire wing of the house; telling you that was under construction. You saw Donatello go through to that area, though but, you didn’t want to rock the boat by asking questions.

Eventually he took you out to the patio, it was stunning. More roses and other potted flower stood all around and the table was set with silver cutlery and beautiful wine glasses. He pulled a chair out for you to sit, like a true gentleman.

As waiters came and went, bringing you both lavish meals and more wine, you talked for hours. Well...You talked. He mainly listened and asked questions. You couldn’t help but feel entirely comfortable around him, something about his presence was so non-judgemental and sincere that you felt you could answer everything honestly and not put up a front like you usually would on other “dates”. The only trouble around when you spoke next.

“So I’m been rattling on for ages. Tell me about you. What do you like to do in your spare time? Do you like living with your brothers? Where did you grow up?”

That last question seemed to hit a nerve as he looked as if he winced slightly  at it. He didn’t answer.

You put your hand on his

“Did you hear me?”

He pulled his hand away and looked you in the eyes

“I didn’t pay you to interrogate me. You’re here to sit and look pretty, not open your fucking mouth”

You were stunned. This sudden turn seemed to come from nowhere and that’s when you felt the anger rise up in you. You’d never been one to hold your tongue and you weren’t going to start now- consequences be damned.

“Well excuse the fuck me!” you began “Why is it that every guy feels so entitled to my life but so unwilling to tell me anything about their own? Oh yeah! Maybe it’s because they’re so boring an insignificant in this world that they have to pay a woman to come talk to their sorry ass because no one would do it for free. I thought you were different but it’s all for show, isn’t it? The house, the cars, the money... Nothing behind that, just another pitiful, sad little man who has to pay for a quick fuck. I’m outta here”

You throw your napkin down on the plate and walk away. You almost make it to the front door when a hand grips your wrist, turning you to face them.

Leo looks sorry for himself. It’s clear he knows the magnitude to which he’s messed up but he doesn’t say anything right away.

“Well?” you say impatiently? “Look, you wanted me here. I just go where the money takes me but for a second I thought there might actually be some kind of connection. You want a real date, then you have to tell me about yourself at least a little. That’s what real people do. But if you’re just going to be a giant douche with no respect, I’m leaving.”

“It’s not a happy story” he finally says through gritted teeth, hand still firmly around your wrist. “But if you want to hear about it, follow me”

He takes you upstairs a through a few more hallways until you reach what must be his room. It’s just as beautifully designed as the rest of the house but with a few more personal touches. As opposed to the slightly Italian looking architecture and design of the rest of the house, his room has katanas hung up on the wall and a small nook in the corner of the room where a tea maker sits. It’s more homely than the rest of the place. More his own.

He sits you down on the bed and slowly begins to explain.

He doesn’t go into too much detail, you imagine that would be too painful for him.He tells you how he was found in a sewer with his brothers and then made to wear chains and perform for sick crowds of smiling a grimacing humans and how he hated them. He mentioned the beatings and the torture, the hunger he felt everyday. He spoke on the anger his father harboured and how they would dream of a revenge so bloody and raw that he hoped god would look away while they did it. He told you about their escape and how it was the first time he’d know the touch of a human that hadn’t left a scar. It was all horrific and you couldn’t believe he survived that.

“...We still don’t know what Mikey saw that night but whatever it was, he didn’t talk for three weeks and now he’s...Well, now he’s the new Mikey. I don’t talk about it because who would want to know? And I don’t want pity, I don’t want your sympathy just because ‘boo hoo, he had a tough childhood’ ”

You place your hand on his cheek and turn his face towards you, he didn’t look at you the entire time he spoke.

“I don’t pity you” You began “I admire you. Going through all that and still being a functional person? That takes a strength I couldn’t muster”

You lean in to kiss him on the cheek, he turns his head and kisses you on the lips slowly, as if to savour every second of it. You hands go to his face and he lightly grips the back of your neck as the kiss intensifies. You lie back and he takes his place on top of you, between your legs and he trails one hand up your thigh to your hip, going just underneath your now bunched up dress.

He begins to kiss down your jaw line and towards your neck and your breath hitches in your throat at the pressure of his lips on your skin. His attention turns to your cleavage, he looks up at you as if you ask for permission and you nod before his head delves between your breasts, kissing and lapping at your tender flesh. You roll your head back and begin to pant slightly. The way he’s so attentive and gentle yet composed and in control is a nice contrast that few men can do successfully. 

Cupping one of your breasts as he kisses it, you put your hand under his chin to return his mouth to yours and your tongues swirl together in ecstasy as you moan into his mouth.You can feel him hardening through his tailored trousers. Pulling back, you begin to unbutton his shirt as he takes off his blazer before reaching down between the two of you and cupping his bulge through his clothes. He almost growls at that and takes the top of your dress in his hands, ripping it down the middle. You look up at him wide eyed and he simply smiles and whispers

“I’ll buy you ten new ones”

You can’t see too well in the room as the sun is beginning to set but you can still make out how toned and muscular his chest is even in the half light. You run your fingers over his abs as he pushes up your dress and pulls down your underwear. Leo begins to kiss down your inner thighs, nipping gently as he gets closer to your sex

“No” you say suddenly. He stops immediately and looks at you “I want you. I just wanna feel you”

Pushing himself up onto his knees, still between your open legs, he undoes his belt, unzips him pants and pulls them down. His hard, thick cock bouncing free from its previous restraints. He takes a quick second to reach into his bedside draw and pull out a condom that he puts on with ease. He leans down and puts one hand firmly on the bed next to your head and with the other lines himself up at your already soaked entrance. You ready yourself for whats about to come, he’s bigger than your usual clients. He slowly pushes himself inside you and you gasp at the pleasurable agony of how torturous it is. Eventually he bottoms out and kisses you on the lips before looking into your eyes.

“are you ready?” He asks, you nod in return

His hips start at a slow but hard pace, obviously warming you up for whats to come. He nibbles at your ear and his hand becomes entangled in your hair, pulling it lightly as if to test the waters of how you feel about that. The more you moan the faster and harder he goes while whispering how much of a good girl you are in your ear and telling you how you take him so well.

All you can do is breathlessly moan and beg him not to stop, he looks into your eyes with a devilish mischief and says

“Stop? We’re only just starting”

He pulls out and flips you onto your front, pulling your hips up to meet his and enters you again from behind. He grabs one of your arms and pulls it behind your back, gripping it there to stay and place and with the other he gathers up the lengths of your hair and pulls so that you’re facing forwards. His pace is punishing and your eyes begin to tear up from just how mind blowing he is. Occasionally he would let go of your arm to give you a quick, sharp slap on the ass or to caress your hips a little but eventually he would always grip your wrist again, keeping it in place.

His pace begins to slow and he looks down at himself sliding in and out of you.

“Baby, you’re being so good. Look how well you’re taking me. Such an angel” he coos 

“I- I can’t take much more” you whisper but he hears and chuckles to himself. Letting go of your arm his hand slides between your thighs and begins to play with your clit, each circle he rubs is in time with his thrusts and it’s driving you crazy.

“Leo, Leo! I-” you can’t take anymore as a full body orgasm rolls through you and you almost collapse if it weren’t for his arms holding you up. One more smack on your ass and a few more thrusts and you can tell he’s almost at his own release.

“Fuck baby” He purrs and he explodes inside of you before leaning down the kiss the centre of your back. He gentle places you down on the bed so that you don’t just falls that way and quickly goes to dispose of the condom.

You get under the sheets of the bed, still panting slightly and a thin mist of sweat is lining your forehead. Leo gets into bed beside you in the now dark room and you push yourself closer to him as he wraps an arm around you. You lean in and close your eyes against his chest. Sex always made you sleepy, well, good sex did. He looks down at you, kisses your hair and whispers

“You’re gonna need that sleep. I just know I’ll need to have you again in the morning”

You smile against his skin as he rubs small circles on your back as you drift off. The last thing you remember is him whispering, and you’re not sure if it was to you or himself

“It felt good to finally tell someone all that shit. I’m glad you’re here”

Feeling appreciated and satisfied you let sleep take you, only left to dream about what pleasures the morning had waiting for you.

The end

[marshmallow-phd]

Nine Little Letters

Genre: College AU, Fake Dating AU, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before AU

Inspired By: This graphic made by @rcse-tvler​

Pairing: EXO x Reader

Summary: Just when you thought life was done shoving you down, it got much, much worse. After finding out that your latest crush was already in a relationship, you did what you always did when emotions ran high: you wrote a letter. Signed and sealed, you put it away with the eight other letters you’d written to past one-sided loves, never to be seen again. That is, until a mix up accidentally sends those letters out to their respective recipients and you find yourself in the middle of one confusing web of love. With fake relationships, insecurities, and revelations swirling around, things are bound to get a little messy.

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I 11

This was the worst kind of humiliation. Standing there on the sidewalk staring open-mouthed at the one person you were excited to see today, you were crumbling into a million pieces. And no one even noticed. That was what made this humiliation so bad; there was no one to witness it. You were breaking and no one cared.

You should have known better, really. This morning was going too well. You had woken up on time, had a delicious, filling breakfast, and had managed to put an outfit together worthy of any Pinterest board. Your confidence was through the roof and you were going to do the one thing in your life you swore you would never do.

You were going to confess to your crush.

Signing up for math tutoring was the last thing you wanted to do. Who in the world wanted to spend their valuable free time learning more about equations and algorithms? But you needed to pass this class. It was the second time you’d taken college algebra and the thought of taking it a third time made you want to crawl under your bed. So, you buckled down and took the walk of shame into the math lab. (Yes, that was an exaggeration. Everyone knows there is no shame in getting help. Didn’t mean you had to like it.) When you got the call from your assigned tutor, you ignored it. You didn’t like talking on the phone to anyone let alone a number you didn’t recognize. No voicemail was left. Then a text came through.

Hi, (y/n)! This Kim Junmyeon! I’ve been assigned as your math tutor. When you get a chance, let me know when you’re free so we can create a schedule that works for you. Have a great day!

You waited an appropriate amount of time before replying. So, an hour and half later, you texted him your schedule and made a plan to meet up in the library the following Thursday. You marked that day on your calendar with exactly zero enthusiasm. In your head, this Kim Junmyeon was the cliché nerd from movies: dorky glasses, snort-like laugh, and clothes that looked better on a grandfather. Oh, boy were you so happy to be wrong.

Sitting down at one of the tables by the large, ceiling high windows, Junmyeon was nothing like you’d imagined. He had a sophisticated aura about him. He dressed nicely, a thin long-sleeved shirt over a patterned button down, the collar laid nicely over the top of the shirt, and was blessed with sharp, handsome features. You knew you were in trouble. But you didn’t care. You sat down at that table eagerly, ready to… learn.

For the past month and a half, you’d met Junmyeon twice a week to go over the lessons and work on the assignments. By some miracle, your grade was actually going up in the class. Somehow you were able to better comprehend the material and secretly fawn over your tutor simultaneously. At this point, you were sort of feigning how much you weren’t understanding to keep the tutoring sessions going. The nice thing about algebra, once you understood the basics, everything else built on top of it.

But today – today you had decided that you were going to step over the line from tutor and student into the realm of perhaps something more.

You liked Junmyeon. You liked his math puns and the way he scrunched his face when he thought hard about something. His lips would pucker whenever he lifted the sheet of paper to check over your work. Each time you met up with him your heart acted like it was in the middle of a NASCAR race and it was determined to win. You had it bad. This wasn’t the first time you’d had a crush like this, but you had set your mind on making this one different. This time, you wouldn’t hold it inside. You were going to be the brave one, the bold one. The fact that birds were tweeting as you rode your bike onto campus should have been a sign that things would only be downhill from there. Unfortunately, like the optimistic idiot, you took it as a positive instead.

After locking your bike up, you headed straight for the courtyard near the pond. Junmyeon had told you that he often spent his mornings there to finish up homework or to read a book (the fact that he read so much was another factor in your liking of him). In your head, he was all alone, flipping through a novel as he leaned against the trunk of a tree, looking like a prince taking a rest in the shade on a warm summer’s day. The water would be glistening in the background as a lovely, lighthearted melody played softly through the air. He would see you approach and smile that wide, brilliant smile. Your heart would skip as you sat down in the grass next to him and poured out your feelings. The daydream turned into a nightmare the second he came into view.

Junmyeon was not alone nor was he sitting under a tree with a book. He was on one of the benches, splayed out on the wooden beams with his head resting in the lap of a very pretty, more his league type of girl. She laughed as Junmyeon told a story. A delicate hand ran through his soft brown hair. Your heart fell to the ground, forming a crater at your feet.

Shoulders slumped and day ruined, you turned and headed for the student union. If today was going to suck like this, then you were going to sprinkle it with an overly sugary coffee drink. Preferably with extra chocolate drizzle. It helped - a little bit.

Your morning classes went by in a blur. You were certain you took notes, but none of the information sank in. Later you would have to transcribe your quick scribbles to a word document to help you study. You would learn the information then. By lunch, you were starting to peel yourself off the sidewalk of humiliation. Especially when the one person you could always rely on joined you for lunch.

“How did it go?”

You remained silent, continuously munching on the sandwich in your hands as your best friend sat down across from you at the small, two-person table near the middle of the cafeteria.

Baekhyun laughed his signature, SpongeBob-like laugh. “That bad, huh? I told you not to do it.”

“Technically, I didn’t do it,” you corrected. “He already has a girlfriend.”

“Ouch.”

You nodded. How could you not see this before? Did he mention having a girlfriend and you just blocked it out? Junmyeon and you talked casually between math problems, about your friends and fun things you liked to do on the weekends. He’d failed to mention one very important detail.

“Well,” Baekhyun reached over and plucked a potato chip off your plate and plopped it in his mouth, “at least you found out before you said something. I told you he wasn’t worth it.”

“Just because he has a girlfriend doesn’t mean he isn’t worth crushing on.”

“Okay. Whatever you say.”

You rolled your eyes at him. “You’re so much help.”

Ignoring your quip, Baekhyun snatched another chip. You smacked his hand, but all that managed to do was break off a few pieces, the crumbs falling to the table. Smiling proudly, Baekhyun popped the half-chip into his mouth. “So, are you just going to go home and write a letter?”

“Are you just going to go home and write a letter?” you mocked with a scrunched face.

Byun Baekhyun had been your best friend since the two of you had met in the first grade. He’d stolen your popsicle that your mother had packed as a special treat for your first full day of school. When he saw you start to cry, he broke off the piece he’d been sucking on and handed the rest back to you. There was a bit of a disagreement on the level of nice-ness that act achieved since it was your popsicle to begin with, but somehow it caused the two of you to be inseparable ever since. Being your best friend meant that he was privy to the more private parts of your life.

Like the letters.

Starting as young as ten years old, you’d developed a bit of a tradition when it came to your crushes. Emotions were hard to process, but you found them easier to work through if you thought about them and translated them into words. Those words would fly across the paper, transferring the feelings that made you both laugh and cry into the graphite that formed them. Not to mention, the act made you feel like the heroine in a rom-com. Certainly it was something that Meg Ryan or Rachel McAdams would do once they realized how they felt about the male lead.

The first letter you ever wrote was during your final year of ballet class. Dancing had been a part of your life since you were three, but a new passion had been discovered so you’d decided to quit after this last cluster of classes. A terrible decision, really. Because right after your mind was already made up, a new boy had joined the class.

Kim Jongin.

He had just moved into town after his father was promoted to a new position and had to transfer to headquarters. You’d never seen him at the park or the grocery store before. He was completely new. And beautiful.

He was blessed golden skin that glistened, shining brighter the longer he danced. And, oh, the way he danced. It was well beyond what anyone else could do. His movements were fluid, water-like, as if the very beat of the music were pulling and manipulating his limbs to convey what the notes had to say. Each move was a word and when he formed them together, they could make you smile or cry. And when he smiled… oh, his smile was like starlight. The kind of brightness that stayed in the sky even as the city lights flickered on. To this day, you’d never found one that could rival it. He was a dream that every composer coveted. So, what was your young heart to do?

Well, the movies told you to confess. But there was no way you could find the courage to do so, especially since you only saw him in class and you couldn’t confess in front of everyone. The only other option was to write it out; to write it out like Jane Austen pouring her heart out for Tom Lefroy.

 Dear Jongin,

I’m not sure how to start this. Do I compliment you on your dancing? It’s nothing like I’ve seen before. Prima Donnas in the Russian Ballet would be jealous of you! But you probably hear that all the time. And about how handsome you are, even under all that hair. I can’t help but watch when you pull it back for class so you can see yourself in the mirror. Why can’t I look like that? I somehow ended up looking like a frizzy wet cat that just climbed out of the tub.

I guess what I’m trying to avoid saying is that… I like you. A lot. I like your laugh and your wide smile. I like how much you love music and how you interpret the melody with your moves. No one can freestyle like you! My heart does a dance of its own whenever I see you. I hope you don’t have anyone that you like, just so I can stand a chance. Would you ever think of me like that? If not, it’s okay. I just needed to tell you. Someday, you’ll be on stage dancing to an audience of thousands and I’ll be right there in the front row, cheering you on! Until then, I hope you always find happiness in what you love.

Love,

(y/n).

 That sentence about watching him on stage made you cringe in hindsight. Cute for a ten-year-old, but a bit stalkerish. Luckily, though, you never gave it to him. You chickened out every time up until the last class. The idea of him opening it and reading right there in front of you was mortifying. So, then, you decided to mail it. The teacher gave you his address after you told her you wanted to invite him to your birthday party (it should be a little worrisome that a teacher was willing to pass on private information like that… perhaps it was because you were a kid). Three times you went to the mailbox to send the letter out and three times you ran back inside to hide it under your mattress.

That was the beginning of your weird little tradition. Though you never sent the letter to Jongin, you felt better having somewhat confessed your feelings and worked through them without the humiliation of actually… doing it. So, the next time you had a crush so overwhelming that you needed to get the feelings out, you wrote a letter. You even went all the way each time to address the envelope, giving the confession a sense of finality. There was no fear in them ever going out. Baekhyun was the only other one in the world who knew of their existence. At the current moment, eight were hidden in a drawer in your vanity. The way your fingers were itching, a ninth one was on the way.

“I might,” you finally replied.

Baekhyun leaned forward eagerly. “Can I read it when you’re done?”

“No!”

He snapped his fingers as he sat back in his chair. “Darn.”

“Why am I even friends with you?”

“Because I’m charming.”

There was no question in his voice. He one-hundred percent believed it. And… to be honest, he did have his moments. But that was all in the past. “Like a plank of wood.”

Shaking his head, Baekhyun rapped his hands on the table before standing up. “Alright, I’m going to class. Have fun with your pencil and imagination.” For emphasis on his stupid remark, he stole one last chip before walking off.

You finished off your sandwich in a bit of a rage. By the time you were finished, your mouth muscles were aching as if you’d spent several hours at the gym and it was jaw day.

You only had one class left for the afternoon. But it was algebra. How were you supposed to concentrate on functions when your sad attempt at getting into a relationship with your tutor failed so epically? Somehow you managed, though, and you packed up at the end of class with a new sort of determination. As you hopped on your bike and rode home, you thought over what you were going to write. You were so lost in your head that you hadn’t notice the car pulling out of your neighbor’s driveway, nearly hitting you before the driver hit their brakes.

“Shoot!”

You back peddled to break. Your heart thumped in your chest. No life memories flashed before your eyes, but you were sure you almost died. Slowly, you moved forward to get out of the way of the car. 

“I’m sorry!” you yelled over your shoulder.

The driver leaned out the window.

Oh, great.

It was your neighbor. Or, at least, your neighbor’s son. Do Kyungsoo. He stared at you with an expression that could be blank but could also be a glare. It was hard to tell with him. Shaking his head, he pulled back inside the car and drove away.

Fighting off embarrassment for the second time this day - albeit this situation was much lower on the scale and it happened a bit more often than you’d like to admit - you put your bike up in the backyard and headed up to your room. Your mother, a literary history professor, and your father, a doctor at the local hospital, were both at work and wouldn’t be home until well after dinner. You were used to it. Besides, you were an adult and you liked being able to decide to have pizza for dinner and not worry about what other people wanted for toppings. Once you put your order in, you sat down at your vanity and got to work.

 Dear Junmyeon,

Has anyone told you how your hair looks in the sunlight? The dark brown hues seem so warm and inviting, like an ebony chair that was warmed by the unfiltered rays. I’ve always wondered what it would be like to run my finger through it. Would the strands be as soft as they look? Would you wear the same smile on your face that you do during our sessions? But I guess I might not be meant to feel them. Today, I intended to tell you how I felt. I woke up with a determination, a goal to say how much I like you to your face. I was so nervous riding my bike to the university, but it was the good kind of nervous; the kind that makes you keep going. It seemed, however, that I was too late. Or maybe I simply never had a chance at all. I’d missed any signs that said you were already someone else’s.

I hope she knows how lucky she is. I hope she makes you laugh and listens to you when you’re having a bad day. Your laugh is like a symphony. Does she tell you how light and lovely it is? Or how infectious it is? When you laugh, I can’t help but laugh along. It’ll be sad not to hear it anymore. Or have our talks filled with random subject changes. But I think I’ll miss your smile most of all. The way it crinkles your eyes yet still lets them shine. The way it spreads across your face and the way your cheeks grow. It is truly a sight to behold. I hope wherever you go, you are always smiling. You always let your light shine even on the cloudiest of days. That’s what’s so special about you and what made me fall for you. Even when I was frustrated or couldn’t understand, you were patient, taking my mind off of the negative and turning me so I could face the positive. That’s a rare kind of person. You are a rare kind of person. Please always be happy, Kim Junmyeon.

Love,

(y/n)

 With a sigh you sat back in your chair. The letter had done its job. Though you were still sad about the way things turned out, you no longer felt defeated. The words you needed to say were now out there without being “out there”. Okay, so he had a girlfriend. Big deal. It wasn’t the end of the world. There were more potential love interests out there that you could find. He was only one and obviously wasn’t the one.

Beginning to smile again, you folded the letter and put it in an envelope. You didn’t have Junmyeon’s address, so you wrote out the address for the math lab. Opening the top drawer of the vanity, you placed the latest addition to your collection under the first envelope. The doorbell rang right as you closed it up again. Oh, thank goodness. Food.

Practically skipping down the steps, you hurried to the front door.

“Hi-” You stopped as soon as you’d opened it. The person waiting on the other side was not the pizza delivery guy - it was Baekhyun. The boxes holding the pizza and cheese sticks you’d order for no one but yourself were in his hands. Over his shoulder, you barely caught sight of the delivery man driving away. “Really?”

“What? I was bored. And hungry.” He flipped open the lid to show you the hot, melted cheese of the appetizer. “Cheese stick?”

Rolling your eyes, you stepped aside so he could come inside.

Baekhyun had been to your home plenty of times in the past so it was easy for him to make himself at home. He didn’t wait for you before pulling plates out of the cabinet and pouring a drink. He even went as far as getting you glass as well. “Thirsty?”

“Yeah, thanks.”

The two of you ate at the kitchen table as your mother had a “no meals in the living room” policy. Small snacks like nuts and popcorn were okay, as long as you didn’t spill any on the couches.

“So… how did the writing go?” Baekhyun asked cheekily between bites.

You shrugged. “Fine. I’m deciding that I’m getting over it.”

Now it was Baekhyun’s turn to roll his eyes. “You always get over them fast.”

“What’s the point of dwelling on the things you can’t change?”

That was always your answer. Yes, the hurt was immediate and painful, but Baekhyun was right, you tended to push it aside rather quickly. That was the whole point of your letters, anyway. Get the feelings out of the way so you could move on. What was the point of clinging on to something like that? You would only end up worse if you stayed in that spot. So, you pushed yourself to move on. And eight times out of nine, it had worked. There was only that one nagging letter that failed to do its job. That particular set of feelings refused to go away even as you looked to other crushes, as you found other boys to like. It was the one you would always wonder about, the one that was completely off limits. The dull ache still crept up every once in a while. If moving on was what you had to do, you would do it. Because you would prefer if you never had to go through something like that ever again.

[folkloreguk]

Querencia (prequel)

A/N: I haven’t written anything in this format in so long, so I hope it’s okay! Someone once asked me to write a prequel to my previous work “Querencia”, so I finally got around to it (after like 2 years rip dfghjk)

[!you don’t have to read both of these parts to understand either one!]

genre: optional bias (male) x reader (female), fluff, explaining how they ended up together, a tiny bit of smut but it’s marked so you can skip if you want, badboy!bias, nerd/shy!reader, her parents are kinda judgemental (only mentioned), secret relationship?, this is an absolute train wreck lmao

words: ~5.2 k

(H/N means “his name”)

ok strap in for this…every time I write a badboy!au I lose a piece of my sanity

basically you used to go to the same school as him

but that’s the only association you had with him because you never actually talked to him in school

he was known to be a “bad boy”

not as in being a horrible person but rather…

he liked to challenge teachers/adults when he didn’t agree with them

and they couldn’t do much because he ended up having pretty decent grades and most of the time his arguments were valid

you had heard your fair share of stories about him

of him getting into a fight with the captain of the football team

apparently, he had stood up for a girl because said captain tried to take advantage of her at a party when she was drunk

you remember being lowkey impressed but didn’t condone violence either way

so, at the same time you were kind of intimidated by him

there were other stories circulating around

of him hooking up with half the school

in quite inappropriate places if I may add

but no one really knew what was the truth tbh

not that it really mattered to you

you were a typical good-girl-nerd-kinda person and so was your friend group

which meant you weren’t even paying attention to him half of the time

plus you thought you’d never see him again after graduating from school

until sooner or later you wouldn’t be given any other choice

because when you walked into your first ever university lecture, he was there

literally one row in front of you???

you were shook because apparently he was studying the same subject as you??

he had even more tattoos and piercings now

one tattoo covered almost the whole front of his neck

he had black boots on and his pants were ripped at the knees

and obviously he had to be wearing a leather jacket

not that you were staring at him (yes you were)

frankly you thought he looked hot

great it’s your first day and you’re already failing to pay attention

and then he turned his head a little and smirked at you???

suddenly you loved looking at your professor and not him

but since you hadn’t paid attention you were left with questions after the lecture

unfortunately the professor was gone before you could ask them

and your social awkwardness made it hard for you to just start talking to a random stranger

so when he go up and made his way to the end of the seats he had to walk past you

“HEy I have a question” you blurted out when he was at your level

the fact that he was so relaxed talking to you made you even more stressed

and he helped you luckily

then, before he could say anything else but the answer to your question, you had escaped the conversation

because perhaps you still found him a little intimidating

but when you walked out of the hall, he quickly caught up to you

“Hold on, do I know you? You seem familiar” he asked

so you had no choice but to explain to him that you went to school together

he was actually really polite to you

but you had sworn yourself education would come first for you, boys second

so you got out of that situation as quickly as possible

the next two weeks you saw him at lectures but always kept out of his way

he said hello a few times and you would nod and smile shyly

within days he had collected a bunch of girls that often sat with him

you guessed he was staying true to his reputation after all

then one day you were in the lovely park behind your university building because you had a break between lectures

you had brought old bread to feed the ducks in the little pond

but suddenly they all swam away from you, over to the other side of the pond

and you couldn’t BELIEVE

he was sitting there, throwing pieces of his perfectly fine sandwich to the ducks all while putting on an extra holy expression

so you went over to fight (not literally lmao)

he greeted you by saying “The ducks made you stop avoiding me?”

you were shook because how did he even notice

“What? You don’t have enough girl-attention yet?” you said

“Not from pretty girls like you” he said

you must have given him a severely disgusted look because he quickly changed his flirty expression

“What made you avoid me? Did I ever say something wrong to you?” he asked

“No you didn’t…you just don’t seem like the crowd I’d hang out with” you confessed

“Wow, I didn’t take you for the judgmental kind” he said

and he looked pretty upset actually??

“I don’t think you’re a bad person” you said

“But I’m home at least by 9 pm every night to study, my parents look at me like I’m a saint, I’ve never been in a relationship and I get nervous when someone as much as raises their voice at me…you strike me as the complete opposite of all those things” you added

without missing a beat, he asked “Don’t they say opposites attract?”

you realized maybe you really had written him off too soon…or perhaps you had worried that he would take your attention off your studies too much

which wouldn’t have been surprising considering how your first lecture with him had gone

and from then on you tried to be nicer to him

sometimes he voluntarily came to sit next to you in class

you didn’t understand why

because you barely spoke to him due to being awkward and when you did you felt like he judged you for being so shy

he had a way with words and within days you found yourself thinking of him more

his stupidly handsome features, tattooed knuckles and pierced eyebrow…it all attracted you maybe a little too much

it was terrifying to you…how he talked to you so easily and already you were eating right off his spoon

what if he was only playing around and you were nothing but a toy girl to him

but then you cursed yourself for saying that…he said he wasn’t a bad person and you were going to believe so unless he proved himself otherwise

spoiler: that never happened

one autumn night you walked out of university after class, it was dark already and pouring rain

you realized you had forgotten your umbrella at home…but you had to walk there by foot…absolutely fantastic

so you pulled your hood over your head and braced yourself to get completely soaked within seconds

suddenly you heard a voice behind you

“Let me bring you home” he said

“No worries, I’m fine” you tried to tell him

“Come on. You said you live twenty minutes from here. If you get on my motorbike I’ll get you home within a few minutes” he said

you were like “Motorbike??”

“Yeah, come on, it’s over there” he said, and he walked ahead of you

basically he didn’t really give you time to argue

when you didn’t follow him right away, he turned around and gave you a look

“You’ll only get a cold if you walk home in this weather” he said

although your parents had drilled into you the idea that motorbikes were dangerous, you went with him after all

he offered you his spare helmet and you put it on

but you were struggling to close it

so he helped you

he was focused on the helmet, but you were staring at him just because you could

his hair was completely soaked by now and water drops were running down his black leather jacket

he had a habit of biting the inside of his cheek when he was concentrating

and with his hands almost on your face, it was the closest he’s ever been to you

it made you weirdly nervous tbh

but before you knew it he had closed the helmet and told you to get onto the motorcycle behind him

“Hold on to the back of the bike or to me” he said

you were surprised at how he didn’t urge you to touch him

and at first you held on to the tail of the motorcycle but the moment you hit a speed bump you changed your mind QUICKLY

your arms swung around his waist tightly and you felt his chest move when he chuckled

like he had said, it only took a few minutes to get you home, and you told him the way there

and surprisingly you really liked being on the motorcycle???

you had thought you’d be scared but it felt amazing

except for how freezing cold the wind was on your wet cheeks ☹

shortly before you pulled up in your street you told him

“You should let me get off a little earlier…my mom will kill me if she sees me on a motorbike”

he didn’t argue but stopped two houses before yours

you felt like the rain had gotten even worse so you really didn’t have time for big words

you quickly thanked him and he gave you his famous smirk before you ran home as quickly as possible

when you had reached the front door you turned his way and he was still there, making sure you got inside

looking at him there, in the downpour in his cool jacket and on his motorcycle, your cheeks involuntarily got hotter

when you got into your room that night and checked your phone, you had one new message on Instagram

you opened it and it was from him???

“Take a warm shower or you’ll be sick tomorrow” it said

he must had sent it seconds after you had entered your house before he had driven away

he really became a bigger mystery to you from one day to the other

because you had no idea what all of this meant???

maybe you should have gotten the hint way earlier

but you didn’t really know the first thing about dating so how were you supposed to know?

but then around two weeks later something else occurred

again, you had class until the early evening

on this specific day, your university was hosting a party for the new students

technically, you would have fallen into that group of new students

but you weren’t one for partying and after being in class for hours on end, all you wanted was to crawl into your bed and rest

so when your course had ended you made your way out of the university building

and you could tell the party had already started because of the music playing

plus there were people all over the place

some were already drunk…you would have been surprised but also this was university after all

you quickly stepped out onto the street and began walking in the direction of your home

from somewhere, you suddenly heard voices

they were making gross noises, as if calling a cat, and asking “sweetheart, do you have a minute?”

when you turned your head, you saw a group of (most certainly) drunk men-boys goggling at you

and because you didn’t slow down or even react to them, they walked after you

you told yourself they would leave you alone if you only walked far enough from the bus station they had waited at

but inside your pocket you clenched your keys between your knuckles

all of a sudden, something touched your shoulders

you almost had a heart attack and raised your hand out of your pocket

“You didn’t wait for me” H/N said from next to you

he placed his infamous leather jacket around your frame and swung an arm around your shoulder

you were about to tell him he had scared the living hell out you

but he was only glaring at the disgusting guys behind you

“I suggest you go home and sleep it off. And learn to take a hint from a girl when she’s this visibly uninterested” he said

the enraged stare he sent to the group of young men made even you feel slightly uneasy

but it worked…they distanced themselves from you if only hesitantly and with a clearly pissed off attitude

“Thank you” you said and were about to give him back his jacket

“Nothing to thank me for. And I gave you that because your sweater looks really thin. Keep it for now” he said

you were taken aback…as always

“Why aren’t you driving your motorbike today?”

“I am, but it’s parked around the corner here. Want me to drive you home?” he asked

and he gave the look again

which look you may ask

the one in which he stared at your eyes and then at your lips…and then your eyes…and then your lips

and his lips were so pretty

“You know what I want?” you asked, “I wanna know if there’s anything you want from me”

he furrowed his brows in confusion

“Why are you always being like this to me?” you went on

“Are you trying to get into my pants?” you blurted out

and then instantly regretted it  

especially when he said “Do I really seem like that kind of person?”

“I’ve heard stories about you…” you said

“What kind of stories?” he asked

“Of you hooking up with half of our school back then” you said

he laughed???

and then said “And does it matter how many people I’ve had sex with?”

“It makes me think that’s what you want from me, too. And if that’s the case, I’ll have to disappoint you” you said

“Jesus, Y/N. I want to date you” he said

when I say you were shocked it would be an understatement

hot-tattooed-bad-boy wanted to date you??

and you must have signaled those exact words just by your expression

because he said “I’m telling you again, opposites attract. Don’t you at least wanna give it a try?”

of course you wanted to

“Alright…but I’ve never done this before” you said

“We’ll take it slow, I promise” he said

and then “That means I can finally tell you how goddamn adorable you are”

was it gonna be like this forever??? he compliments you and you feel like your cheeks are on fire???

probably

“I’ll bring you home, come on” he said, swinging his arm around your shoulder again

even this gesture made you shy

you didn’t even know how to respond

and this time, being behind him on the motorbike felt like a whole new sensation

now you were close to him, knowing he wanted you there as much as you did…

and it 100% made you scream on the inside

when he dropped you off, you didn’t know if you were supposed to hug him???

you awkwardly handed him his jacket back

“So, where are we going on our first date?” he asked

“First date?” you asked

“Yeah…people who date usually go on dates, don’t they?” he teased you

“Um…what about the cinema?” you suggested

“Fine, let’s see what they’re showing and I’ll text you, okay?” he said

and he texted you remotely fifteen minutes after you had arrived at home that night

…

so you went to the cinema the next day

before the date, you were essentially losing your mind

what were you supposed to wear??

would he care what you wore??

but even if he didn’t, you wanted to look pretty

your anxiety was kind of going through the roof for hours before he even arrived

he had picked you up, somehow looking even hotter than usually??

or maybe those were just your hormones going insane

“You look beautiful” he said when you had climbed onto the motorbike behind him

“And you look handsome” you had replied

his smile had a faint shyness in it, but only for the blink of a second

at the cinema, you weren’t sure how to act differently around a crush than when you were with friends tbh

did you want to hold his hand?? hell yeah

did you do it?? absolutely not

did you want to point out obsessed you were with his body art?? most certainly

did you?? oh no way, you weren’t gonna expose yourself like that (yet)

luckily, he was easy to talk to and had the patience of a saint

he grinned at you when you would become shy, as if it wasn’t the most embarrassing thing EVER to you, especially in front of him

he also probably called you cute like 13 times whilst you were waiting for the movie to begin alone

in the dark, your hands brushed whenever you both reached for the popcorn at the same time

when you looked over at him, he was chuckling

“Are you doing that on purpose?” he whispered

“No way!” you whispered back

“No? I am” he said

you didn’t even know how to respond to that

but he seemed very pleased with himself when he tilted his head at you flirtingly

were there supposed to be this many butterflies in your belly at only your first date?

what have I gotten myself into??? you thought

…

afterwards you walked back to his motorcycle, shoulders brushing now and then

you were in the middle of analyzing every second of the film you had watched, gesturing around in the air and talking excitedly

he leaned against his motorbike and grinned at you in pure admiration while he listened

mid-sentence you suddenly said “Sorry, did I get too invested in this? Do you wanna bring me home now?”

“What? No, if anything I wanna listen to you for another few hours” he said “Do you wanna come back to my place?”

you didn’t know if he was flirting or joking again, but his face was serious

plus you weren’t sure what ‘coming back to his place’ really intended

and once again his sense for reading your mind struck

“I’m not talking about having sex, if that’s why you look so worried. This is only our first date, remember? If you simply don’t feel like it, that’s cool, I’ll bring you home” he said

“No, I want to go with you” you quickly changed your mind “But I have to be home by midnight, or my parents will worry”

“I’ll get you back home by then” he said, smiling in triumph

…

his flat impressed you in a couple of ways

you admired that he already lived alone

plus it was so much more organized and cleaner than you had expected it from a college boy

his bedroom was your favorite part of the apartment

there was no doubt it was his and only his place

posters of his favorite films were plastered on the walls, his bedsheets were dark, a neon sign hung above the headboard of his bed and in the corner, a vinyl player stood

you loved the windowsill that gave you a view out of the fifth-floor flat and had the impulse to sit down there, to watch the cars pass by on the street underneath

“make yourself at home” he had said

and somehow you had ended up on his bed, right next to him

he let you rest your head on his arm while he listened to you

not only did you discuss the movie you had seen

you also talked about literally anything either of you loved

and you realized quickly, that aside from the different way of living, you had surprisingly many things in common

he put on his favorite plate on the vinyl player so you could listen to the music he loved

when he laid down next to you again, he offered his open arms

for the first time, you put your cheek against his chest, listening not only to the music but also his heartbeat

you remember liking his cologne and how warm he was

“I’ve never been so close to someone who wasn’t my friend or family” you admitted quietly

“Does it feel different?” he asked

“Of course” you said

did he not realize???

how your heart hammered against your ribcage and butterflies were flooding your belly and how there was only him in your head and his stupid cute smile and his tattoos and piercings and deep voice and ohmygodhisvoice

but when you looked up from his chest and checked his expression, he looked equally as fond as you felt

“Being with you feels different from being with other girls to me, too” he said

“It feels so much better” he added then

“What do you see in me that you don’t see in them?” you asked suddenly

“I have to admit, at first I thought it was cute, teasing you and seeing you get shy, well, I guess it still is. I liked the idea of getting to know someone with such a completely different image, so sweet and good” he said

and as he did, he softly brushed his hand over your lip

you thought you were going to have a heart attack

“But damn you’re so funny and kind…how can I not want you this way?” he said

and he looked so honest, almost vulnerable, a sight you never thought you’d see

“In which way?” you asked

“In every way” he said

and with one look, he erased all fears you’d had about him and how he might have felt about you

suddenly you understood why people went on dates all the time and searched for love…

at some point you realized how it was past midnight already

he drove you home quickly, and luckily you didn’t get into too much trouble with your parents

this time when he dropped you off, he gave you a hug that made you want to stay in his arms forever

from then on, your feelings could only get worse and you were stressed about what it would do to you

you thought your crush was bad then?? it was nothing

within the next weeks, you fell head over heels for the cliché bad boy and there was no way to stop it

you had told him you didn’t want to prioritize a relationship over your education

so 90% of your dates ended up being study dates

although he was the biggest distraction in your life, this way you at least got a little something done

usually, it went a little like this:

you’d be sitting down at a library table, with him across from you

your head would be buried in a book within minutes, only occasionally looking up at him

and he’d be busy telling you all things he could possibly come up with:

“Have I ever told you how gorgeous your eyes are? I know, even if you’re not looking at me”

“There’s a really cute girl here, but she’s ignoring me. Do you think she likes me too?”

“Hey, do you wanna go out with me sometime, like…on a date? A real date?”

“You know what other people do at the library? There’s an empty space way in the back, I can show you…”

yes sometimes he’d say suggestive things to you

but they were jokes, simply a part of his character

he never pressured you to do anything

even your first kiss took a while to occur

it was one night when he brought you home from a date (this time a real one)

when you said your goodbyes, you suddenly felt an overwhelming wave of affection

his eyes were so warm and only on you, always

softly, his tongue swept over his bottom lip, teeth toying with his piercing

“Can you kiss me?” you asked

something sparked in his eyes…he had won even more of your trust, and rightfully so

his fingers gently lifted your chin, and you always thought you’d be nervous through your first kiss, but no…it was serenity

it was butterflies peacefully floating and fireworks going off all at the same time

had you known how good this felt, you would have asked him to kiss you way earlier tbh

the whole evening until you fell asleep you couldn’t stop smiling

and you liked to think even in slumber, the corners of your mouth had been curled upwards because of him

from then on, kissing him had turned into your favorite pastime

it was especially bad when you tried to have “study dates” at his place

90% of the time, your studying turned into making out with him

oh? you’re taking a break and getting a glass of water from the kitchen? oops now you’re on his sofa, sitting in his lap and kissing

the way he handled you with such confidence and made flirty remarks all the way through your make-out-sessions only reminded you of his experience

sometimes you felt bad, knowing he was holding himself back

other days you wished he wasn’t so hesitant with touching you less innocently

but sometimes you did stop him, if his hands wandered a little too far down your torso, or if things seemed to get too steamy

he would always apologize, even if you told him there was nothing wrong

but his confidence made you feel more comfortable with every time you were in his arms

!!!SMUT AHEAD IN ITALICS

one day you were in the middle of watching a movie on his bed

but all you had been thinking of were his lips and hands

when you kissed him, things quickly turned more intense

only this time you asked him to go further

initially, he was worried

“I wish I could make this more special for you” he said

“If it’s with you, it’s perfect, no matter where and when” you assured him

the first time, he was the most gentle he’s ever been with you

because he had never pressured you and you had chosen this exact moment yourself, you weren’t even close to as nervous as you thought you’d be

and from then on, you only became more comfortable when it came to sex

you could tell he loved showing you and trying new things with you

and before you knew it, he was actually showing you that empty space at the back of the library he had joked about

usually, you were hesitant to do anything risky in public

but when it was late and the library was nearing closing hours, it was almost fully vacant

he could never get enough of your innocent eyes while your lips were wrapped around his cock, kneeling on the carpet floor of the university library in front of him

he’d never get over when he fucked you from behind, two of his fingers in your mouth, muffling your moans while you were hidden behind the bookshelves

other nights he’d show up outside of your house in the middle of the night, just because he missed you so much

*cough* querencia *cough*

there was something about nighttime that made you feel as if you were the only two people in the world

then it would be him and you in his bed, on his kitchen counter, his sofa, his shower or any random wall of his apartment

now you might have understood why the girls loved him

but they didn’t love him the way you did

!!!SMUT ENDING

he loved showing you off to his friends

some of them looked equally as intimidating as him

but as you had learned, most of that was simply looks and wasn’t to be taken seriously

when you hung out with his friends, he had you sitting in his lap, usually bragging about something you had done or said to him

you were like his personal, pretty gem and he was making sure everyone knew

and as much as he wanted you to be known to his friends, you wished you could have told your parents about him

one day, they would understand how much you loved him

they would be able to look past his tattoos and pierced skin and see how amazing he was

but for now, he was your little secret

every night, he sent you a goodnight text right before you went to sleep

sometimes he’d attach a picture of himself

in his pajamas, with messy hair and heavy eyelids, even he looked almost cute to you

other nights, when he was still out, it’d be a mirror selfie, with his hair pushed back perfectly, lifting his head so you’d see your favorite tattoo of his on his neck

his clothes pitch black and shirt lazily tucked into his belt on one side

his eyes would have the cocky gaze you knew from when you first met him

only now it was only meant for you

his message would read:

“I love you angel. See you in your dreams”

[cripplingaddictions]

Haikyuu boys when you get injured playing your sport pt.2

Oikawa, Tsukishima, Tendo, Asahi, Kageyama

Summary: The first one was really fun to write, so here is part 2! This is some others and how I think they’d react when you get hurt during sport!

Warnings: Explicit mention of blood and open wounds

A/N: I’d like to thank everyone for over 100 followers! Yes, I know that doesn’t seem like many but it’s a big deal to me, so thank you!! I also appreciate the patience with my messed up writing schedule <3 ...Tendo’s got really long and Kageyama’s got a little angsty whoops 

Oikawa:

As one who suffers from a sport injury himself, Oikawa is constantly aware of the possibility

Reminds you before every game of hockey to stay safe

His tone may be lighthearted when he says it, but he’s very serious

He knows the ins and outs of stretching and the recovery process for injuries

Usually, he doesn’t come to your games, mostly because he’s busy or he's afraid of getting recognised

When you get home or see him next, he’d ask out the game and listen with excitement and interest

He definitely does research on the game too

This time, he was so glad he went

To avoid being recognised, he wore a cap and sunglasses, standing at the back of the spectators

His height allowed him to easily watch you from the crowd

You were really hyped for the game, knowing your opponents were going to be tough

Unfortunately, your team was struggling with the game

The other team was scoring goal after goal, and you couldn’t keep up

You ran back to defend the goal, in the way for an approaching player

They were ready to score, and you were ready to dive in

The urgency and pressure of the situation got to your head, and you ran towards them with anger

You let out a cry, charging towards the hockey ball

In the back of your mind, you knew Oikawa wouldn’t be impressed with how you lost your patience

And you were right

He treaded closer to the game, his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed

“Y/N... Don’t get ahead of yourself”

He whispered, wishing you could hear him

Your opponent placed the ball in position to swing for goal

But you had gotten too far ahead of yourself

They swung their hockey stick

Your ankle was in the way

Usually, you wouldn’t be too bothered, bruises littering your ankle for a week after

This time, the stick was made of aluminium

The impact and pain that shot through your ankle brought you to the ground

Pain unbearable, you dropped your own stick and held your food

“Ow, ow, ow”

You mumbled sloppily, tears, saliva, and snot dribbling over your lips

You wanted to stand up and keep playing but the pain continued like an unforgiving clamp tightening on your ankle

Suddenly aware of how you look, you wiped your mouth from the fluids

You heard a whistle blow, but the pain caused for stars to dance in your vision

“Y/N-chan, eyes up here”

The stars from your eyes cleared, the sight of your boyfriend crouching next to you on the field shining through

You couldn’t form words, not that they would have helped

He immediately moved to take your shoe off, seeing how it had already started to swell 

It blew up like a balloon before your very eyes

“I’ll carry you”

Oikawa whispered, sliding an arm around your back and the other securely under your knees

Lifting you up, he escorted you off the field

He didn’t let you ride in the ambulance your coach called by yourself, holding your hand the whole way

It was definitely a bad break, being a pain through the recovery process as you could hardly apply any pressure on the foot

You were in a cast, and Oikawa wrote a lovey-dovey message on it that took up half the space

Once you were out of it Oikawa knew all the right physiological stretches in order to get you back on your feet to play again

He did a great job taking care of you, and you couldn't thank him more

Tsukishima:

Doesn’t effect your relationship that you were into swimming as that was not why he loved you

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t like how you are training so hard for it

It’s the passion and love for swimming that he wishes he had for volleyball

To be honest, Tsukishima wouldn’t be worried about you getting hurt

He thinks swimming is not a very hazardous sport

Which is fairly true, so you don’t get injured during a specific race or anything

Your injury shows up slowly over time

Originally you shook it off, expecting that the soreness in your shoulders was just your muscles tired after a long two hours of lap after lap

However, it started getting worse, and you began to tell Tsukishima your concerns

He’d say something like, “Then just take your time at training. I can’t do anything about it. What did you expect me to say?”

Let’s be real, he’s kind of worried

Especially as he began to notice how you would wince after taking your bag off your shoulders, or if you reached up to the top shelf

The day he realised that you needed to get them checked out was when you had walked to his place after training

The whole walk there the straps of your bag felt a lot heavier

Your shoulders hurt, but the left was the worst one by fair

Shifting the weight of your bag to your right shoulder, you gave the left a rest

Soon enough you knocked on Tsukishima’s door and he opened quickly after

You dropped your bag inside the door and rubbed your shoulder

“Oi, Y/N, are you okay?”

Tsukishima asked, the way your sighed making his eyebrows furrow ever so slightly

“Yeah, but my shoulder is pretty bad”

You tell him, hoping that he’ll show some sympathy

He scooped up your bag and called for you to follow him to the couch

He left you there, leaving momentarily to drop your bag with your wet swimmers into the laundry

Soon, he plopped down on the couch beside you and turned on the tv

Carefully, he pulled you onto his lap and you instinctively dropped your head onto his shoulder

Instead of huffing slightly like he usually did, you pushed you forward 

“No, sit towards my knees”

You obeyed him, and he hovered his fingers over your shoulders

Smiling once you realised what he was going to do, you let him work his nibble fingers into your shoulders

He stopped if you whined, asking where to go from there

It really helped, you never realised how good Tsukishima was with his fingers (no... not like that)

You were putty in his hands, completely relaxed as you watched the tv 

Once you felt the tension was mostly gone, Tsukishima scooted out from underneath you to book a scan

When you had it, you discovered you had Bursitis 

(A/N: I have this in my shoulder and it sucks)

This required for lots of rest, icing, and careful exercise

You were off swimming for almost three months before Tsukishima was convinced that you could handle tending to it afterwards

When you got back to swimming, you wore a sling on the worst days and Tsukishima carried your bag for you

He raised his hand in class if you needed to ask a question, and made sure you never had to overexert your left arm

His favourite thing to do was tease you even more about having to get him to get stuff off the top shelves

You were shorter than him, but now you need him even more

When you use your condition as a counterargument he always says “aww, poor baby Y/N”

No doubt, he does certainly cared for you, but get ready for a long road ahead for the both of you

Tendo:

You’re a figure skater! And how he loves to watch you skate!

He gets so excited, you have no idea

Whether you are in a competition, or if you are just practicing, he gets so giddy and proud while watching you glide across the ice

Thinks you look so good in the costumes, no matter your body type 

If you were to have to travel internationally for a competition, you bet he’d be coming with you

Tendo does get into trouble when he disturbs your practise at the rink

But you always invite him to watch any time, not caring what your coach thought

Super supportive of you, it’s not funny

However, what is funny is that he has no idea all the technical terms or how the point system works

So, when he watches you during a comp, he’ll greet you off the ice with:

“BABE, THAT FANCY THING YOU DID WITH YOUR ARMS AFTER YOU LANDED FROM THE SPINNING-TOP-JUMPY-THING YOU DID WAS SO SEXY! YOU’VE GOT TO WIN! YOU LOOKED SO GOOD, MY PARADISE”

You double over in laughter every time he says something like that

You only just manage out a “Thank you, Tori” before you’re ushered off to get your score

The score you were appointed is half decent, placing you in third place

When you go to find Tendo so you can sit with him while watching the rest of the skaters, he appalled

“PARADISE, YOU DESERVED MUCH BETTER THAN THAT! I’D HAVE GIVEN YOU A 634.53!!”

“Satori, that’s basically impossible for a short program”

“I DON’T CARE BECAUSE IT IS WHAT YOU DESERVE”

It’s kind of embarrassing, in a large rink of people, for him to be yelling like that

But... it’s all because he thinks you are incredibly talented

Which is very sweet

Anyways, you injure yourself at practice 

Tendo had just got of his volleyball practice at Shiratorizawa and decided to swing by the rink

You were staying in late, your coach and the rest of the skaters had gone home, so it was just you and a few workers at the rink

Tendo burst in, the goofy grin on his face that cases his eyes to be forced shut by the adorable purity of it

You were focusing on a quadruple axel that you hadn’t perfected when he arrived

“Good evening, paradise! How are you-”

You had been halfway through the jump when you peeled your eyes open

Immediately happy to see him, you smiled brightly

But, your excitement cost you the landing

You slipped, landing harshly onto the ice on your hip with a thud, the water soaking into your tights

“Y/N!”

Tendo dropped his bags, running and sliding his lanky body across the ice on his knees to where you had sprawled out

There was certainly going to be really bad bruise there, you could tell

But the coolness of the ice made your hip numb to the pain

“Are you okay? I scared you, didn’t I?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at the way Tendo was leaning over you, now having soaked knees too

“Yeah, you did”

“Let’s take you home and have a nice warm shower, hey?”

You agreed, leading him off the ice with both of your hands in his, because the psycho had run onto the ice with no skates on

The two of you walked home, the whole time you noticing the numbness leaving your hip

While having your shower, you checked your hip to find a dark purple bruise the size of your hand, raw to the touch

You took a shower, afterwards putting on some underwear and one of your boyfriend’s large shirts

Leaving your room, you enter the living room find Tendo sprawled on the couch

He made a comment about how good you look, leaving you giggling

You grabbed an icepack from the freezer and a tea towel to wrap it in

Laying on top of Tendo, you rolled on your side to have your bruised hip facing the ceiling

“Whatcha got there?”

Tendo asked

You flashed the icepack in front of his face, before quickly wrapping it up

Pulling the oversized shirt over your hip, you exposed the bruise to your boyfriend

“This is what you did to me, you scary man”

You joke, poking him in the cheek

The colour drained from his face in a split second, and he let out a cry of agony

“No! I’m so sorry! How can I make you feel better?”

He leaned over you, pressing scattered kisses over the bruise and mumbling sorry between each one

You knew he was trying to be feathery with his kisses, but the slightest pressure hurt

So, you pushed his head away

“Ow, Tori, that hurts. You can hold the ice for me”

He does as he’s told and you thank him, kindly

He has eagle eyes on you constantly after that, acting like your personal bodyguard

Makes sure he’s always on the side that is bruised at school, so that no one can bump it

Lines your bed with pillows, as to not accidentally bump it on the wall

Stops you from walking if you don’t have to, in which you tell him he’s fine

You try reassuring him by saying that it could have been worse, but that makes him even more wary when you skate knowing that worse could happen to you

Asahi:

He’s adorable, constantly being supportive during your games of netball

Out of everyone, he’s the most likely to be worried about possible injury

Even though it’s a fairly safer sport, Asahi makes sure that you are reminded of every possible scenario that he had made up in his head before a game

You’d shut him up with a kiss to the lips, but he’ll be trembling when you walk away

Understands the game, not needing much help with keeping up with points or rules

He’ll calm down eventually while watching you play, focusing on silently praising you

Secretly a fan of the uniform, don’t tell anyone - he’d be so embarrassed

Doesn’t come to practice often because of the clashes with his volleyball training

When you got injured during a game, thank goodness Nishinoya had joined him to cheer you on

The energy Nishinoya brought to the sidelines motivated Asahi to cheer more too

Usually, you’d wave to him after getting a point and he’d wave back

But you could actually hear him because of Noya

You had in the back of your head to thank him for bringing him out of his shell

Have of the reason he never went to your practice because he was scared the other players would have thought he was some creepy middle-aged man there to stare at them in their uniforms

That’s why he always came to your games without fail, to make up for it and because he felt safer from a distance

However, Nishinoya had dragged him to the front, which he was hesitant about at first

But when he saw how excited you were to see him so close made him smile 

You were in perfect position to receive the ball in order to shoot

Your teammates passed back and forth, approaching you slowly

“I’m free! Guys!”

You gained their attention, and they sent the ball your way

You caught it and immediately shot for the goal while the opponents were distracted

“Come on, Y/N!” 

Both Nishinoya and Asahi shouted, Noya obviously the loudest

The first shot missed, but you quickly caught it and shot again

This time, the ball landed through the hoop and the whistle blown to confirm that it was a point 

You could hear Asahi and Nishinoya celebrating on the sidelines

Pumping your fists in the air, you brushed your forearm against the goal post

A nail had been sticking out of it, slicing through your skin

You immediately hissed, the pain stinging dramatically

You grab your arm, searching to find a massive gash down the length of your forearm

Blood poured from the wound and you called your coach

They immediately brought you off once they saw the red liquid

Asahi was worried, slipping around to where you were holding a towel to your arm

Hissing in pain, you found Asahi approaching

“Y-Y/N, what happened?”

He could see the pain laced into your face, shaking nervously

You wanted to hide it, afraid of how he would react

Carefully, you removed the damp cloth from the wound with a hiss as the air hit the tenderness

“I’m gonna need stitches”

You hissed through your teeth, turning to show Asahi

By then Nishinoya had arrived by Asahi, and at the perfect time

One look at the way your arm had been split open with blood gushing from the open wound...

And Asahi had fainted

Luckily Nishinoya was there to catch him and lower him to the ground

Now you were more worried for Asahi than yourself, to be honest

With Asahi out of commission, your coach had to take you to get you almost twenty stitches

Nishinoya stayed back to make sure Asahi woke up safely, and when he did, he was anxiously asking where you were and how you were

Asahi dropped into your place after finding out you were out of hospital, pulling you into a hug

Of course you made sure he was okay after his episode too

Constant tender touches while you healed, and soft kisses over the patch on your arm

He treated you like an absolute princess, especially after Nishinoya had scared him again by saying “I think she’ll need to get it amputated” right after he woke up

Fainted again when he went with you to get the stitches removed

Kageyama:

This boy does not get rugby at all

He tries, because he’s smart enough to pick it up if he wanted to

But, he’s more impressed with sports that involve more ‘thinking and skill’

What is impressive to him, however, is how fit and strong you are

Even though he is still taller than you, he almost feels like you are the bigger person in the relationship with the muscle you have

Likes being small spoon with your figure

Silently admires your athletic ability, and thinks you are really cool whenever you make a massive run down the field

Kageyama likes to watch when you win

He gets so blushy and excited when you bound into his arms after a good game 

Unfortunately, he’s very busy with volleyball, unable to make many training sessions or games

He tries his hardest to be at your training grounds in time to walk home with you

He tries to keep his Saturday’s free to be with you or at your games

Recently, he had been even more busy, and this week he couldn’t make it too 

This team had been tough, with a lot of bigger players 

You were sort of struggling to break past them, unable to score any tries

All you remember was receiving the ball, trying to break through the wall they had created

You had run headfirst into the players, and the next thing you knew...

You woke up in hospital

Your head was wrapped up, and it thumped painfully

Trying to sit up hurt your head, so you laid back down

With how fuzzy your head was, you failed to notice Kageyama sitting in the corner with a carton of milk

He had been anxiously twiddling his thumbs while emptying carton after carton

When your eyes opened, he shot up, hurrying to your bedside

You finally noticed him, smiling softly at the pout on his lips and the shine of glossiness in his eyes

“Tobio...”

Even speaking hurt your head

“Don’t speak if it hurts”

Kageyama basically read your mind, taking your hand in his and placing your open palm on his cheek

“You’re such a dumbass, scaring me like that”

He rested his head on the bed next to you on the bed

You glided your thumb over his cheek, watching as the pout on his lips began to tremble slightly

Whining slightly in order to awe at him, you whispered

“I’m sorry...”

“Why did it happen the one game I can’t make it... damn it... I should have been there”

You shifted your head, ignoring the pain, in order to get a better view of him

His dark blue eyed were sparkling with tears, and you mumbled

“No... baby...”

Kageyama ignored you, turning to press his face into the white sheet on your thighs, blinking back his tears

“I was scared...”

He mumbled in a cracked voice into your thigh

You took his face in your hands and carefully pulled him towards your face

Giving him a kiss to his nose, you let him lay his head on your chest

“Don’t cry... I’m here”

You croaked, threading your fingers through his raven hair

The recovery process was long and hard, having received severe head trauma

You were in hospital for another day after you woke up for tests and to make sure you could stand without fainting

Kageyama stayed with you the entire time, only leaving when your parents insisted he get some sleep

After this, your parents were certain you could marry him, not kidding

He treated you like glass whenever he saw you, especially when you took the time off school

He would accidentally yell at you if he saw you up and about, but immediately took it back and apologised 

Poor Hinata got all of Kageyama’s pent up anger about everything, being unable to yell at you

When you return to school, he’s like your shadow, following you around and making sure you’re drinking enough water

Reassure him that it wasn’t his fault and that you’re not going anywhere

[sayonarasanity]

Reverberation

Chapter V

link to AO3

Chapter 1 - 2 - 3 - 4

notes: the song that will be mentioned in this chapter is She's a Rainbow by Lola Marsh and also here is the Spotify link. I highly recommend you to listen to it especially while reading that part. it's truly an incredible song

The first year of high school passed by in the blink of an eye. Between the adjustment of classes, advanced math, and literature, teachers of idiosyncratic character treats and a variety of teens in the class he didn’t even understand the period between September and June. If he was being honest there wasn’t much noteworthy difference between middle school and high school except for the lessons and maybe some physical changes among his peers as well as himself. Save for the height part. Apparently, he wasn’t gifted like that giant Mike or the very sophisticated Erwin Smith.

There was nothing much to do during the summer break. He worked alongside his uncle in the market to at least gain some money and not spend his whole time lying on his bed, sweaty and gasping for a breath while a single leaf on a tree begged for a tiny breeze to make it wiggle. He read some books, watched some TV shows, played soccer with the other boys in class; Mike, Erwin, Oluo, Guther, Eld and even Moblit when or if they were around. Went to the beach with the same squad in addition to girls like Petra, Nifa, Nanaba and Hanji.

Most of his time was spent with Hanji, of course. On the roof, in the attic, in each other’s rooms, sometimes at the library—because the heat didn’t stop Hanji from being a complete nerd—and sometimes she helped him in the market while stuffing his mind with countless  mind-blowing  topics.

And so came the second year of high school.

And it took Hanji only two weeks to be late for the first class in the morning.

“I can’t believe you actually slept in,” Levi told her after she came inside the class during the break, gasping, her face flushed red possibly from running, hair dishevelled and absolutely not  combed,  and sat down on her desk in front of him.

She was trying to adjust her breaths as she turned over to face him. The dispersed, brown strands were covering her face, some of them had stuck on her reddened cheek and forehead. After the not so successful haircut, Levi had given her, she had also gotten bangs. Courtesy of her mother. “I was reading a book last night.”

“And?” He raised a brow.

She pushed the glasses up, and leaned in closer, putting an elbow on top of his desk. “I couldn’t sleep.”

“What kind of book could possibly make you stay awake all night?”

“It’s called The Blind Owl.” She shivered as if a chill had gone through her body. “It was the most disturbing thing I’ve ever read. And the thing is I couldn’t stop reading it because it was also ridiculously intriguing,” she sighed and rubbed her eyes under her glasses. “It cost me my sleep though.”

“That bad, huh?” Levi asked, but it was obvious from the dark circles under her eyes.

“I mean, it wasn’t that bad actually. It was masterfully written for sure. It was just—”

“Disturbing.”

“Yes. There is no other word to explain it.” She ran a hand through her dispersed hair, but her fingers got stuck between the knots. Then she looked at her wrist and groaned frustrated. “I forgot my hair tie.”

One of the things the almost six years of friendship with Hanji had thought him was to collect the items she had a habit of forgetting, mostly in his room. He had a drawer full of her lost, black hair ties. He kept a few on his pencil case or sometimes, like today, he carried one of them on his wrist. “Here,” he said extending it to her.

“What would do without you?” she whined as she took the tie from him.

“You wouldn’t survive a day,” Levi pointed out. It wasn’t even half-joke.

“Agreed,” she nodded. She had finished tying up her hair. Now her face was more on display, the flush on her cheeks was nearly gone. Levi realized that her nape was not covered with the too-short strands that couldn’t make it into her sloppy, little ponytail.

His hand moved instinctively, naturally even. “Your hair has grown long again,” he told her with a frown. And when his fingers touched her bare nape, she winced quite clearly for his frown to get deeper. He retreated his hand upon her reaction.

Her hand held the place he had barely touched seconds ago and when she noticed his expression she laughed. “God, your fingers are cold.”

Levi folded his hand as a fist, pressing his fingertips on his palm to see if his fingers were indeed cold as she had said. His body temperature was low, it was no news to him but at the moment his fingertips was not that cold for her to give such a reaction. Maybe because she had run here it was her body which was unnaturally hot, he reasoned, not really satisfied but he would accept it for the time being.

“Do you want me to cut it?”

“No,” she objected, avoiding his stare. “I’ll use it like this for a while.”

Her hand went on rubbing her neck, it seemed like an almost unintentional, absent-minded motion at this point.

“I made some research,” Hanji said when the silence got a little awkward for their standards. She then looked through her bag with both hands and slammed a wrinkled piece of paper on his desk.

“What’s this?” He examined her inelaborate handwriting but couldn’t understand the overall concept of what was written. Meanwhile, Hanji brought a pen over the page and underlined two words that were written in capital letters.

ROSE and SINA.

“These two are the best universities of the country,” she started to explain. “Both in terms of education and in terms of different opportunities for students. Student clubs are very much active also the campuses are huge.”

Levi had heard of the universities of course. They were named after the cities they were located in. Sina was almost three hours away from their town and Rose was even further in the opposite direction. But they had to leave the town at some point if they wanted to receive a good education. As Hanji had told the two of them were probably their best options and if they manage to keep their grades high enough there was a chance for both of them to make it into the same university. But, which one?

“But?”

“But” she carried the pen over the word Sina and drew a circle around it. “Since Sina is a technical university, I think it is a far better option for us considering the departments we want to study.”

Levi hummed thoughtfully. She did have a point.

“Also,” she continued, eyes glittering. “Great professors like Keith Shadis, Theo Magath and Darius Zackly are teaching there. Imagine the lectures…” she shrieked with excitement and wiggled in her seat. “It’s gonna be so fun!”

Levi shook his head at her quite early thrill and snatched the pencil out of her hand. He drew an arrow to the word Sina and wrote elegantly above: GOAL. “Sina it is then.”

Hanji took the pencil back and while nodding she scratched the word he had just written and instead, bringing the pencil a little to the crosswise she wrote: DREAM.

She looked at him then as if to confirm, with a bright smile on her lips and eyes full of the glitter of the dream she held so close to her heart. It was contagious. Levi felt his lips curling up, and maybe a tiny bit of that lustre in her eyes had reached out to his own. And he thought that maybe it wasn’t that hard after all.

How naïve, a sly, foreign voice whispered in the back of his mind. Little boy, how naïve.

-

“So, what’s going on between you two?”

Hanji lifted her eyebrows upon Nifa’s question and moved her stare to whom the question was directed. Nanaba gulped her bite with seemingly a little more force than necessary and blinked innocently at Nifa. “What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean,” Nifa wiggled her brows, smirking mischievously at their suffering friend. “You and Mike.”

Petra hid a chuckle behind her hand as Hanji bit her cheek inside to stop her smile from shaping so obviously. They were sitting in the backyard of the school on an arbour for lunch. There was still for about half an hour until their next class and from the looks of it, Nifa had decided to use it for some gossip.

“Nothing,” Nanaba answered nonchalantly then she brought the straw of her peach juice to her mouth and took a very long sip. Hanji didn’t miss the faint blush on her cheekbones. “We’re friends.”

“You’re a little too close for being friends, don’t you think?” Nifa asked with a sweet voice, dropping her chin on top of her intertwined fingers, smiling.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” Nanaba brushed her off, taking another bite from her sandwich.

“Stop tormenting her, Nifa,” Hanji interrupted just as Nifa was about to say something else. “She can tell us when she feels like it.” Hanji then smirked at a very pissed Nanaba, who was glaring at her so hard Hanji thought she could catch flames just by responding to her stare.

Suddenly, someone dropped something in front of her with a loud “pat” and Hanji looked down, startled, to a packet of chocolate milk, then looked up to a frowning Levi.

“Did you eat?”

“Yep!” Hanji rested her chin on her palm and smiled at him. “Did you?”

He nodded silently and gestured at the milk standing on the wooden table. “You’re gonna pay me back for that later.”

“Stingy,” she murmured as he turned his back to her. Hanji saw the other boys gathered up around a bench a little away from where she and the girls sat. And before Levi went too far away, she shouted behind him, “When shall we meet again?”

He glanced at her above his shoulder. “After school,” he said, flatly.

“Come on, Levi!” She lifted her chin from her palm, disappointed. “You should’ve said “when the hurly-burly is done”, I thought you were better than that!”

He turned his whole body to her this time, walking backwards. A smirk played on one corner of his lips, midday sun caught his eyes, and her heart skipped a beat. “And you should’ve asked, “in thunder, lightning or in rain?” I thought you were better than  that , genius.”

Take him and cut him out in the little stars.

Levi was beautiful. Hanji recalled the day she had first realized it, the faint yellow leaves and the crackling sound of fire. The realization had hit hard, and she couldn’t have understood the reason why right away. It was startling that was for sure but after some thorough and logical consideration, she had decided that it was all about being a teenager.

It was that simple. Thinking a boy was beautiful was natural. Besides, it wasn’t just Levi. Erwin, for instance, was attractive. With a sharp chin, bright, blue eyes and that shiny yellow hair that always looked so soft like cotton. He wasn’t necessarily beautiful though but attractive still, handsome even.

And he will make the face of Heaven so fine.

Levi turned his back to her again and Hanji snorted, opening the straw of her chocolate milk. “He got me bad.”

When she put the straw between her lips for a long sip, she realized the silence that has settled on the table and when she took a glance above her glasses, she saw the three other girls looking at her.

“What?” she asked after gulping.

“What’s with you two?”

“Huh?”

It was Nifa again and this time the question was directed at her. “You and Levi?”

Hanji blinked, trying to reason her question. “What about us?”

“You seem close,” Petra added instead of Nifa. Her hazel eyes curious as she observed Hanji. “Like real close.”

Hanji frowned and pushed her glasses back to their proper place. “We are best friends.” They seriously hadn’t understood it for a year?

“I bet everyone thinks you’re dating,” Nifa said laughing.

Oh? “That’s ridiculous,” Hanji said, shaking her head. “Why would I date my best friend?”

Nifa shrugged, and Petra looked thoughtful. “How long have you been friends?”

Hanji didn’t know why but she felt her stomach curl. “Since we were eleven.”

Petra hummed and the conversation seemed to be over like that. Hanji chewed the plastic stick thoughtfully and with distress, she couldn’t find the reason why. The curl stayed solid in her stomach, sharp and insistent. Absently she noticed that Petra was staring somewhere with a strange expression in her eyes and when Hanji followed her stare, she saw Levi standing in front of the bench the other boys were sitting. Mike who was standing next to him had wrapped an arm around his shoulders, and he looked content, his features relaxed, his black hair looked smooth touching his forehead.

That all the world will be in love with the night.

Goddamn Juliet, she thought bitterly, frowning she took her eyes away from him. Goddamn Shakespeare.

*

“What did you want to talk to me about?”

It was Wednesday afternoon on a nice autumn day. Near them was a tree slowly getting peeled off its leaves, and the clouds were reflecting the orange light the sun created. It was also reflecting on her ginger hair, making it shine almost yellow.

“I, uh…” Petra cleared her throat, squeezed her hair behind her ear as the blush that had appeared on her cheeks gradually became more visible. “This is harder than I expected.”

Levi raised his brows. He had been wondering what Petra wanted to talk to him ever since she asked him if they could meet after school in the backyard this morning. He had found it a little awkward because it had felt like she wanted to talk to him in private and he couldn’t have thought of any reason why she would wish for that.

“You look nervous,” he told her.

“Well, of course, I am,” Petra laughed, not a cheerful one. “I am trying to…”

She let out a sharp breath as if she was angry at herself and she wasn’t looking at him too. Her eyes were scanning their feet, her fingers were fidgeting, brows furrowed.

And Levi was quietly getting an idea about why she wanted to talk to him.

“Just tell me,” He tried to encourage her, feeling his own heartbeat getting faster abruptly.  

Finally, she looked up at him, her cheeks painted crimson and she took a long, deep breath before she said, “Would you like to go to the cinema with me?”

“Oh,” he said.

Not the kind of reaction he should’ve given apparently. Petra bit her lower lip anxiously at first, searching his eyes. He must be pretty shocked for she looked a little discouraged upon his reaction. But within seconds she gathered herself up, her shoulders held high.

“I… liked you since the seventh grade,” she said, the blush spread from her cheeks to her neck, but she continued to be resolute without looking anywhere else than him. “And I thought that there is nothing wrong with asking a boy out if that boy doesn’t seem to be doing it anytime close.”

Levi felt his own cheeks heating up. Admittedly, he had never realized Petra had such feelings for him. “Sorry.”

Petra laughed, somewhat forcefully. “It’s okay,” she gulped, and a weak smile vibrated on her lips. “Just don’t be harsh if you’re gonna say no.”

Levi considered her offer quietly. Petra had always been a good friend and she was a nice person too. Kind, tidy and even funny. She loved painting and drawing and was pretty gifted at them as well. And she smelled fresh, Levi guessed it was because of the softener she used on her clothes, her hair was soft, and her eyes were pretty.

“When do you want to go?”

Said pretty eyes glittered as she beamed at him. For a second, in the back of his mind, he saw a very similar image belonging to another girl with auburn hair and hazel-brown eyes who had a smile that reminded him of the rainbow after rain and sun.

“What about this Friday after school?” Petra asked, excitedly.

“Sure,” Levi responded, trying to smile and ignore the weird feeling in his stomach.

*

When he stepped into the roof, the night was chilly, the sky was full of transparent, quietly moving clouds, the stars were shining behind them, the Wanning Gibbous was hanging low on the horizon, and Hanji was standing on the edge of the roof, her head laid backwards.

Levi didn’t even know if he breathed, his heart jumped to his throat as he threw his schoolbag to the ground and walked closer to her from behind cautiously. “Hanji, what the fuck are you doing?”

“Watching the sky,” she replied, smiling.

Levi felt a muscle move on his jaw; his heart was beating so loud it almost hurt his ears. He focused on adjusting his breaths. In and out. “Don’t be ridiculous. Get back down.”

Hanji shrugged and Levi nearly had a heart attack right then and there. He felt his eyes widen, and his breath hitched. “I feel closer to the clouds like this.”

“Hanji,” he took slow, careful steps towards her. The night breeze was toying with her dispersed hair, her face was tranquil, her eyes never left the sight of the clouds. The smile that was drawn on her lips was unmoving like it was craved there by the hands of a masterful sculptor. And he watched her, his heart still beating fast and loud, his breaths irregular, and his eyes wide, and he thought about—

Stars

how free she looked at that moment like she belonged to the sky, the stars and the moon. As if they shone for her only.

hide your fires.  

Brown hair and brown eyes but Hanji was luminous. She kept the colours hidden, had a brush and a palette ready in her hand. The murky night did nothing but to contrast the light, she had a way with the world which made her stood out among the dullest of sounds and faces. Even on top of a derelict building, she was—

Let not light see—

the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

He grabbed her wrist, inhaling hard and thick then he drew her back with a quick move of his arm. Her body turned and crashed against him, and he stumbled backwards a few steps, but he kept his balance, wrapping his arms around her waist securely, without any intention of letting go. He vaguely heard the surprised shriek Hanji made upon his unexpected move. And he half-expected her to push him back, to laugh it off and to say that he was being dramatic again. That nothing was going to happen anyway, it wasn’t like she was going to jump.

Yet instead, her arms circled his neck as she rested her cheek on his head and at that very moment Levi realized that he had never thought of losing her, of what would happen if she were to leave his life. Just like he had never imagined a day without the sun rising. The thought was uninvited and unwelcomed, and it cropped a fear in his heart so profound, he drew a shivering breath in before he buried his face on her neck. Then he pushed that thought deep down to the dungeon in his head never to see daylight again.

“I’m okay, you know,” Hanji spoke after seconds.

“Stupid,” he said, holding her tighter. “Stupid four-eyes.”

“Mm,” she muttered, amused. Then she started to move left and right making him follow her movements as if they were dancing. “I’m going to let all the world know that Levi Ackerman cares for me.”

Levi placed his forehead on her shoulder, pressing hard. “Someone needs to care for your sorry ass, or you’ll drop it down a goddamn building.”

She laughed, and it felt so good to hear it he immediately craved the sound soon as it faded away. Hanji stopped moving afterwards, then put her hands on his shoulder to push him slightly back. He withdrew reluctantly but kept his hands on either side of her waist not ready to let go just yet.

Her eyes were somewhat misty as she watched him, as the sharp peak of a mountain lost behind a grey fog. Levi frowned at her, searching for a sturdy branch to hold and to obtain some kind of a clue about what she was thinking. He came back empty-handed, and Hanji snapped out of it soon after, smiling at him brightly and warm. Her hair was all over her face, her glasses were askew, and he brought a hand up to fix them.

Then he flicked her forehead instead.

“Ouch!” She exclaimed, touching the slightly damaged skin.

“That was for almost giving me a heart attack,” Levi said nonchalantly and walked past her to grab his schoolbag. Then he sat down, bag between his legs as he searched for the snacks he bought after school.

“Geez, I’m sorry,” Hanji muttered as she placed herself next to him. “But you were just being dramatic. I wasn’t going to jump anyway.”

*

So, here was the thing, he needed to tell Hanji.

But he didn’t know how. Through all those years they had been friends, there had never been a secret among them. He knew everything about her. From the fact that she had fed a frog in her room when she was only seven without telling neither of her parents and how she accidentally killed the poor animal by forgetting to feed it properly. And to the very first crush, she secretly had on a boy who didn’t even know who she was when she was ten. Each and every detail in between had been craved in his head, everything about her was a book he had learnt by heart, and he knew that for her it was the same.

He didn’t understand why he was so unwilling now about telling her about Petra. Frankly, he was going to tell her yesterday but when he saw her standing on the edge of the goddamn roof, he had forgotten all about it in a second. Thursday, which was today, he couldn’t have found a chance to talk to her alone and tomorrow was Friday. And he had no idea what the hell he was supposed to do.

Levi traced the shadows on the ceiling with his eyes, lying on his bed. It was near eleven pm but he didn’t have any sleep. Should he call Hanji? But no. It wasn’t something he could tell on the phone. It would be absurd and out of nowhere—

His phone started to vibrate on the bedside table.

He jumped a little, surprised at hearing a sound other than the voices in his head then stared at the phone for a while until he decided that it was going to ring till he opened it. And so, he did.

“I thought you had fallen asleep,” Hanji spoke before him as he lied back down, eyes fixed on the ceiling.

“I was trying to,” he lied.

“Oh, sorry,” she apologized without sounding a bit sincere. “But this is more important than your sleep so…”

He raised a brow. “What did you learn again?”

“A lot of things. But that is not the reason why I called.” Levi heard some clatter he guessed it was the pressing of the computer keys. “I found a new song.”

He exhaled, wearily. “Seriously?”

“Wait before you judge,” she said. “Do you remember the time when you said, this is going to sound weird but, I was a rainbow?”

“No.”

“I hate you,” she said, darkly. “It was our first time in the attic. I had told you about –”

“I know, Hanji.” He rolled his eyes. “Of course, I remember.”

She grunted and said some things he couldn’t quite pick clearly under her breath. “You don’t really deserve this but since I’m a nice person I’ll let you listen to it.”

He snorted, lips curling on the corners, and he waited for the song to start. And not long after, he heard the first notes, then a soft voice of a woman followed. He also heard Hanji accompanying quietly behind, murmuring the lyrics alongside. Then he closed his eyes to focus on the song properly.

Dearest, I'm broken

My body is unspoken

How could I be loved?

Wake up in the morning

Feeling uncertain

Like a burning old scar

For I remember

The joy I’ve had as a child

Various colours I’m hiding inside

She’s a rainbow

And I am

A difficult man

It was as if the song, the lyrics, the notes, the singer’s voice were each had little hooks, they captured his soul relentlessly. He felt captive, unable to move. The song made him feel way too many things, with an intensity that nearly choke him as he lied there. His throat felt tight, even after the song ended, notes faded, and all he could hear was Hanji’s regular breaths a complete opposite of how his heart pounded at the moment.

“So?” She asked when he was unable to speak. “What do you think?”

Levi cleared his throat, he needed to talk dammit. “It was nice.”

“Just nice?” She didn’t sound pleased at his response. “But you have to listen to it every day Levi so that you wouldn’t forget me.”

“Forget you?” Was she kidding?

“We don’t know where life would take us,” Hanji told him, her voice calm now. “It’s the reality of the world. I’m just guarantying myself.”

Oh, so she didn’t know? That no matter where life carried him, no matter how high and wild the waves would be it would change nothing. The sun would rise from the west, and all the world would crumble, melt and disappear. But he wouldn’t forget her.

“What if you forget me?” Levi redirected the question to her, wondering her answer.

“I wouldn’t,” she said, not hesitating.

“How do you know?”

“If I’m a rainbow then that would make you the sky, remember?” Some distinct shuffling came to his ears, and he imagined her lying on her side, the phone still on speaker resting on top of her pillow. “Whenever I look up at the sky, I will think about you.”

“Sappy,” he whispered, ignoring the aftershock her words caused.

She chuckled in response and yawned loudly. “Only for you, clean-freak.”

*

Friday after the last class ended Hanji gathered up her things quickly. It had been an incredibly long and tiring week. She couldn’t wait to spend some time with Levi on the roof, just talking about things that didn’t matter, things that were easy to speak of because they were still young and had years ahead to take them seriously.

She waited for Levi outside, leaning against the school building as he went to the bathroom. She busied herself with observing the exhausted students leaving the school borders, chattering between themselves. It was getting chilly and the black denim jacket she was wearing didn’t do a good job at protecting her. She pulled the sleeves of her sweater to her palms to at least cover her hands. She spotted Petra a few inches away from where she was standing. She was walking back and forth, fiddling with a piece of paper she held in her hands. Hanji found it a little strange but shrugged, deciding it wasn’t her business.

Finally, among the rain of students that walked through the school gate, Levi appeared. His face and some parts of his hair damp, indicating that he had just washed his face.

“Feeling refreshed enough?” Hanji asked, smirking.

“Yeah,” Levi murmured, and he looked around briefly.

“Come on,” Hanji pushed herself up from the wall. “Let’s go. We better grab something to eat on the way. I’m starving.”

She had taken only a few steps when she heard Levi calling out to her quietly. “Hanji.”

“Mm?”

He appeared to be uneasy as he looked at her, brows knitted, and lips pressed. Curiosity rose within her swiftly as she expected the words he was about to say.

“I can’t come to the roof with you today.”

Of all the things she thought about that was the least, she had expected to hear. Her stomach started to burn again, and she imagined a cauldron inside. Burning so fiercely and it never promised anything good. “Why?” Hanji asked, sounding just as surprised as she possibly looked.

Levi’s eyes moved to somewhere above her shoulder. She wanted to trace his stare but was too busy observing his expression, a little anxious, tense and what? Embarrassed? But why?

“Levi?”

“I… am going to the cinema,” he blurted eventually, his eyes finding her again. “With Petra.”

Cinema… with Petra?

“As a date?” She sounded bewildered again as if she couldn’t believe her ears. It wasn’t something to be that surprised about considering their age, hormones and everything. But it was Levi. Levi… It had always been the two of them, now imagining him spending time alone with someone else—she hadn’t prepared herself for that.

“I guess,” Levi rubbed his neck. Oh, he was shy about it too? Was he excited, was he looking forward to it? Was he going to hold her hand as he held hers? Did he even  like  her? When had this thing happened anyway?

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

He seemed guilty, and he should be too. They were best friends for a reason. If she wasn’t going to be the first one to know about his first  date, what was the point to it?

“It happened just this Wednesday. I couldn’t find a proper time—”

“This Wednesday?” She tried not to reflect her disappointment in her voice. “It was two days ago, mind you. You had plenty of time.”

“Hanji—”

“Did you ask her out?” Hanji went on, not giving him any chance to speak. “How long have you liked her?”

“It’s not—” He frowned, his jaw tightened, and a blaze came to life in his eyes. “She asked me.”

“Oh? How brave!” She felt like laughing and somewhere deep inside she knew that she was exaggerating, that she should be happy for him instead. Yet the disappointment was much heavier, and it stood out so blatantly, so arrogantly that it didn’t give her any time to think reasonably.  

“Hanji, don’t.” He stepped forward but she withdrew in an instant.

“Have a nice date,” she said, and she failed at hiding the sarcasm behind. And she thought she saw a flickering of hurt in his eyes but didn’t stay long enough to acknowledge it. With a final look she gave to a confused Petra, she walked out of school. And the cauldron bubbled, bubbled and it burned, and it hurt. Then Hanji wished it would turn the wildflower to ashes to its roots so that it wouldn’t spring again. Wishful thinking it was because the wildflower was already the reason why the flames come alive in the first place.

*

Hanji didn’t quite remember when or how but she was sitting on the swing on the park near Levi’s house, the park they had buried the dead bird all those years ago. Strange how the years passed. She felt old for some reason despite the fact that she was only sixteen and life hadn’t even started for her yet. But she yearned for that little girl now, playing snowball fight with a boy who drank a little too much tea and swore a little too much for their age. Then she cursed at herself for being so frail, for letting her emotions draw the road she would walk.

The streetlamp near the park had a weak light. It trembled from time to time, squeaking as if it was at death’s door. She pondered it was a good metaphor as to how she felt now. Exaggerating? Maybe. But Levi had become such a constant in her life, it felt like the time Jack had crashed her glasses. She remembered how blurry everything seemed and how dizzy she had felt.

“Hanji?”

She blinked and following the voice she lifted her eyes up from the ground. It was Erwin, standing in front of her, with a curious expression painted on his face. What was he doing here?

“Are you okay?”

“Huh?” Hanji shook her head, realizing that she had been blinking at Erwin absently. Then nodded, voicing a half-hearted chuckle. “Yeah, I’m fine. What are you doing here?”

He sat down on the swing next to her, dropping his school bag on the ground. It was a funny sight. A boy of Erwin’s age and height sitting on a child swing. His legs were much too long for that, but he used them to move back and forth slowly.

“I was just passing by,” he said, shrugging. “What are you doing here alone? Where’s Levi?”

She didn’t need to be reminded of the fact that whenever someone saw one of them alone, they immediately wondered where the other was.  I am acting like a child.  Then she started to move back and forth herself, holding the chains on either side. “He is on a date,” she informed Erwin. “With Petra.”

Then the movements of her legs fastened to the point where she had to curl them so that they wouldn’t slow her down. She used her body against the wind, it ruffled her hair, and her hair blocked her vision. And she thought about Levi who was with Petra and Petra who was kind and pretty. Petra who had shiny hair which was always combed and tidy. Petra who was funny and nice and—

“Hanji!”

Ah, her vision was blurry. Had she dropped her glasses again?

“Hey, slow down!”

She couldn’t slow down but someone, Erwin, she remembered, made her. He was holding the sides of the swing, kneeling down in front of her, he looked into her eyes. Hanji noticed his eyes were a different kind of blue not so fierce like the winter ocean, but kind and worried at the moment. Yellow, thick eyebrows knitted, “Are you okay?” Erwin asked.

It was the second time he had asked the same question and it confused her a bit. Did she look that bad? “Yeah,” she confirmed. Her voice came out cracked.

Then Erwin reached out with his hand. Hanji waited silently as he wiped her cheek with his thumb and under her chin with his knuckles. His hand shone under the shrieking light of the streetlamp when he withdrew it, with tears, she realized with a startle. She lifted her hand then, her eyes wide and touched her damp cheek.

“I can walk you home if you’d like,” Erwin offered with a voice so gentle Hanji thought she hated it. Hated because she didn’t want pity when she was the one that had brought this upon herself.

She blinked at her wet fingers, her sight getting blurry again and used her other hand to adjust her glasses.  She could walk herself home, and she opened her mouth to say that much to Erwin. But words betrayed her half-way and what came out was, “I’d appreciate that,” instead, as she accepted, silently. “Thank you.”