#i suspect it might be either

[rawbin-hsr]

OMGGG Your latest smut fic is so amazing!!! The smut is absolutely delicious! but....the angst is breaking my heart so...could you please write a continuation or part two where the reader confronts Aventurine's dark internal thoughts and comforts them? A fic where they actually get him to believe that they love him for real, where they tell him that he's not a monster and that he wasn't ruining them.

You've got it ! (˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

Aventurine x Reader

You treat Aventurine with more respect than he deserves. (Part 2)

Read part 1 here !

CW: dehumanisation (internal, thoughts Aventurine has of himself, referring to himself as a “monster”), lots of mentions of death, passively suicidal Aventurine, violent imagery (through metaphors, nobody is actually physically harmed), intrusive thoughts, Aventurine thinks kind of vicious things about you (refers to you as "stupid", "brainless", "naive" etc), cursing.

Lmk if there’s anything else I should warn about !!

Small note: Spoiler alert sorry, but you will not completely fix Aventurine in this fic. Making any real progress would take YEARS. The trauma he's gone through and his beliefs about his own humanity are EXTREMELY deep-seated, just one conversation would not be enough to make him truly believe he was loved. Super sorry since I'm sure that's not what you wanted (you specifically requested they "truly get him to believe that they love him for real", but this does still end on a hopeful note so I hope you won't be too disappointed (•ᴗ•,, ) )

Sometimes Aventurine gains enough clarity to remember where he stands. More importantly, he gains enough clarity to remember where you should stand. That is to say, as far away from him as possible. Unfortunately, you are never keen on doing that. 

In these moments of clarity, he distances himself. If you won’t do it, he has to. He needs to. He needs to even when he can feel the little pieces of him that you’ve managed to haphazardly glue together splinter into tiny shards again, even when it feels like every step away is a step walked on shattered glass. He can hardly be called a ‘person’ anyways, what does his suffering matter? He has already lost so many good things, why not add another loss to the tally?

He reads your texts, but he doesn’t respond. He hangs up on you the moment you call. By doing this, he makes sure you know he is alive. Both because he knows it would devastate you if you thought he died, but even more so to make sure you know he is intentionally ignoring you. He hopes at least some part of you hates him. He thinks part of him hates you.

But he can never stay away for long. Like a werewolf called by the full moon; like a vampire to blood; like a siren to a sailor. Thoughts of you always cloud his mind too much to do what is right. He reminds himself he will destroy you. He comes back anyways. He is too selfish not to. 

And you welcome him with open arms every time. Sure, sometimes you yell. Sometimes you berate him. Sometimes you cry. But he never does something beyond the bounds of what you’ll forgive, even though he tries to. You’re patient to a fault. Though he feels bad, he never takes it fully seriously, because you always hold him with so much sweetness, even when your words are filled with righteous anger and justified hurt. You always end it by reminding him that you love him. Something clenches in his chest; something that is not his heart, because he has none. He claims he is sorry, but you both know he will do this again. He always does. You know he will hurt you over and over, even if you don’t know the extent. You know he will test you, that he will ignore you, that he will cling to you and that he will taunt you. You don’t know he will drag his claws through you and tear you to ribbons; you don’t know he will sink his teeth into your neck and drink all your blood; you don’t know he will lure you to sea and drown you. You are never aware of the true danger you are in. 

Maybe that’s why you one day feel comfortable enough to corner the creature that has taken on the appearance of a lover. You sit down next to him in bed one evening after one of his many attempts to push you away, your expression grim. You look straight ahead, right into his dead eyes, unaware that a monster is towering over you. 

“We can’t go on like this,” you say. For one moment, the crushing relief and devastation threatens to consume him, and he’s not sure which of the feelings is stronger. For one moment he can’t breathe. 

He hacks our a laugh, his skin straining. Something is shifting beneath his flesh, something ugly and dangerous. He needs to leave and he needs to do it quickly. 

“You’re right, we can’t,” he agrees, his voice a lot more steady than he feels. He feels the urge to grab you and shake you until you pass out. He feels the urge to suck out your life force until your body is an empty husk. He feels the urge to slam your head into the bathroom sink in the next room over. He feels the urge to shoot himself in the head, because he does not want to do any of that. 

“I love you,” you say, unexpectedly. Or maybe it’s not unexpected. You always say such stupid, brainless things. (You say it with sweetness. The only sweetness he can offer in return is the sweetness of bacteria digesting rotting meat. Is the flesh his, or will it be yours?) He laughs again. 

“I thought we were breaking up,” he says. Smirking, as if it’s funny. (It isn’t.)

“No, we’re really not,” you say firmly. He snorts. 

“Maybe we should.”

You don’t answer. Instead, you come closer. 

Get away, he thinks. Run, you fucking idiot. 

You don’t have many flaws, but the ones you do have are insurmountably big. You are too forgiving, you are too kind, you are too selfless, you are too naive. You will kill yourself doing this one day. You will let him kill you.

Your arms wrap around him. He can’t help but relax. The thing lurking under his human disguise grows more restless. 

“I don’t hate you,” you say, unexpectedly. And this one really is unexpected, because what made you say that? Your arms squeeze around him tighter. “I thought I was being obvious enough about that, but you’re so bad at understanding it.”

The feeling he has is the same as the feeling he gets when he realises a deal is going awry. You are the highest risk stakes he has ever made a bet on: will he ruin you, or will you ruin him? What you could do to him is so much more serious than death. He knows that he is holding a losing hand. He doesn’t even know what he stands to win.

You kiss his neck. He shudders. 

“Why are you so scared of me?” you ask. 

Scared? He is not scared. What an outright laughable concept. Neither of you are scared, but if one of you was, it should be you, but you aren’t, for some reason.

“What gives you that idea?” he chuckles, but his voice is not as steady this time, and he can feel his smile slipping. (What is wrong with him? He doesn’t want to think about it. The answer is always ‘everything’.)

“Your hand is shaking.”

It is, but that is not because he is afraid. Fear is a human response, borne from the desire to live. It is instinctual. It means kicking and screaming, it means clawing your way out of hell for the chance to see another day, it means fighting for the life you don’t want to end. He cannot die, you see. Death cannot occur twice. Just because his body reacts, that does not necessarily mean he can truly fear any longer.

(Then again, maybe his reaction does not come from the thought of his death.)

“I’m not scared,” he says, and his voice sounds a lot weaker than he had expected. You pull him closer, cradling his head against the crook of your neck. His blood is pulsing too quickly.

“It would be okay if you were,” you murmur. “I know you don’t know how to be loved. That’s okay. I’ll teach you. You just have to let me.”

Squash. Slice. Tear.

Maybe you are the monster. He can feel your claws prying his chest open; he can feel your teeth dig into his flesh; he can feel something that is not air fill his lungs. The biggest difference between you and him is that he devours, while you give. You painfully shove something back into the cavity meant to contain his soul, you pump blood back into his system, and you fill whatever gaps are left in him with something that is first cold but quickly warms. 

(He realises, belatedly, that something is pumping inside his chest again. But it can’t be a heart, can it? He lost that so long ago.)

“I’ll kill you,” he manages through gritted teeth, claws digging into your shirt. It is not a threat. It is not a warning. It is just the truth.

“You think too much,” you admonish him. Your tone is as gentle as your words are cutting. “I wish you would trust me more. You’re so determined to ruin your own life, and I don’t like it.”

“That’s just how I am. Deal with it or leave.”

“I’ll deal with it, then.”

Like a werewolf called by the full moon; like a vampire to blood; like a siren to a sailor. He will destroy you. But you accept it. 

He has tried time and time again to push you away, but he is weak. So incorrigibly weak, and though your flaws are insurmountable, his are all-consuming. He is a monster in all the ways that matter. But you stubbornly will not leave despite that. 

(Maybe that makes him a little more willing to try to change his nature. Just a little. Just for you. If you will not leave anyways, maybe he could try to make his presence a little less torturous.)

“Just… please stop ignoring me,” you sigh, nuzzling into his hair. Tenderly, tenderly, tenderly, so tenderly it makes his skin crawl. Your claws are softly piercing into him and he is helpless, unable (unwilling) to fight back. “I can deal with everything else. I just hate it when you do that. I can’t keep going weeks without speaking to you. I know you have some kind of… weird ideas that I’d be better off without you, but that’s not true. I love you, and I love being around you. I can’t help you when you cut me off at every corner.”

Cut, slice, slash.

Something in him breaks. Something he knows cannot be salvaged. Something he knows you would not want to salvage. Something he is not sure if he wants to salvage either, now that it is broken anyways.

He breathes a shaky breath, his fingers — his fingers, not claws, not this time — digging into your back. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, and he does not feel the urge to bite down. Though his eyes feel wet, it would not be enough water to drown you. 

He knows your line of logic is wrong. He knows the fact remains unchanged: he is a monster of a man. He will ruin you. But maybe your presence sparks enough electricity to keep his heart pumping, just for a little while, and maybe he can wait until things actually start going downhill before he lets you go. Maybe he can remember how to be a human for a bit, maybe he can pretend he is. 

“I just… don’t want to do something I can’t take back,” he whispers. “Not with you. You’re the… the only good thing I have left. I don’t know what I’d do if I…”

“That’s sweet, but I’m not as weak as you think I am,” you reply. “I’ve held out this long, haven’t I? Put more faith in me.”

He smiles.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

---------------------------------------------------------

My inbox is open, feel free to send in asks or requests, I'd love to ramble about things <3 Also reblogs are EXTREMELY appreciated the final push I needed to finish this was from a very kind individual who reposted and analysed my writing I've been riding that high ever since they did that ily bro

[moxie-girl]

DRDT SPOILERS

WAIT. WHAT IF EDEN GRABBED THE TAPE FOR A NON MURDER REASON N GAVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE BC THEY ASKED HER FOR HELP? and now she’s realizing she might have helped Arei’s killer unwillingly, maybe why she kept repeating that line about friends helping each other?

[crimeronan]

I'm wildly curious, which if any of the big TOH twists did you see coming? Philip, Lilith as the one who cursed Eda, King's memories being fake, the Titan-Trappers being cosplayers, that sort of thing… (and of course the big one re: Hunter & Grimwalkers.)

i saw lilith cursing eda 100%. i knew that philip was going to end up Relevant to the main plot in some way, but i didn't clock exactly How until elsewhere and elsewhen. i guessed that belos might be human based on his cut ears in eclipse lake.... i didn't put together or understand the grimwalker thing (or the philip-and-his-brother thing) until rafi explained it to me after we watched hollow mind, EVEN THOUGH my brother had been texting me telling me to "pay attention" to the clues at the beginning of eclipse lake and at other points in the series. absolutely didn't even QUESTION that tarrlok was king's dad (or at least related to him).

there WERE a lot of other things i predicted.... except they were all related to characterization, not plot. i'd written fanfic scenes with luz calling hunter family and promising to protect him LOOOONG before TTT or any TTT previews came out. i predicted that luz and hunter were going to switch archetypes & that luz was going to have negative character development between s2 and TTT. i clocked REALLY early that amity's parents were abusive and that she missed willow & didn't actually have ill will toward her. i remember thinking "oh, i'd love to see willow fall apart, but i know she's the Support Friend so they won't actually go there" and then they went there.

when it comes to characterization, character arcs, and relationship dynamics, i'm Really Good at guessing where things are going. just based on the clues we've seen in the canon.

when it comes to plot elements based on similarly obvious clues?? Hopeless. Absolutely Hopeless.

[tj-crochets]

Hey does anyone else with one or more forms of dysautonomia* have a thing where if they have a moderate-to-severe physical stressor (like a severe allergic reaction, getting a vaccine, stuff like that), they get a new bonus dysautonomia for a few days to a few weeks? I thought it was a side effect of allergic reactions for me**, but this vaccine I had pretty much zero allergy symptoms but am having new issues, so I think it might be more general. A few times, I've had increased issues with low blood sugar for usually only a few days, but sometimes as much as a month or two after a severe allergic reaction. Once, I had waaaaay over-sensitive adrenaline reactions for a while (bad enough that I watched an episode of gamechanger and had to stop because I got too tense and my heartrate shot up). A few times, including this time, my thermoregulation seems to be very off. Like, it's not great in general, but now I am sweating so easily which is not normal for me (and not good with my salt issues) *my diagnoses that fall under that umbrella, more or less, include but are not limited to: salt wasting syndrome, POTS, possibly MCAS, tachycardia (separate from the POTS), and "something is weird about your endocrine system, maybe Addison's?" **I did bring this up with my allergist! He said "Allergies don't do that". I said "If it's not allergy related, then why does benadryl help?". He stared at me for a while, then said "I don't know. Allergies shouldn't do that"

[gayalanwake]

sorry if I become extra annoying im kinda tweaking over being on my own for the first time sooooo I might let myself become extra indulgent 💔💔💔

[sendmyresignation]

truly nothing on this earth is more foul than supernatural familial abuse discourse but specifically the discourse people have about if sam or dean "had it worse" like ok cool you have already missed the point of this show very hard.

[bluegekk0]

Been feeling like a huge disappointment recently but I just Hades II so I think I'm gonna be fine for a bit. Maybe.

Well, the game's awesome so it'll be a nice distraction at least.

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

HOW am i meant to find photo reference for my stupid underfed old sweatshirt too-short jeans currently living his sad backstory 17-year old looser boy? What are the search terms for this?

[paperlovesadness]

Me seeing all the comments under Glasto-themed posts blaming Alex for being sick and calling off Dublin

I'm barely able to fold that knife though.... And I'm not trusting myself that it'll stay folded.

[californiaquail]

me when i'm definitely not dying from an internal organ infection

[tacit-semantics]

These last few days leading up to my appointment feel like a final boss fight because my brain keeps going all but we’re so good and healthy and normal 🥺 why do you want to go to a doctor 🥺🥺🥺 we’re literally fine 🥺🥺

[freehologramreview]

To all other fundraiser requests in my asks:

I have no idea why but I can't respond to asks anymore, maybe I'm shadowbanned?

As long as this bug/ possible ban is still in effect I will reblog the campaign posts from your blogs directly, I hope this will get resolved soon.

[tj-crochets]

So it turns out if I make this pattern with actual canvas instead of what I thought was canvas (it’s duck cloth) it’s a softer, more “reusable grocery bag” kind of bag and less of a tote?

This one is for my grandma! I think I’m making them for pretty much everyone on my list for the holidays this year

[anxiouspotatorants]

A non-comprehensive, highly spoilery list of questions I have after season 1 of 1899 because I refuse to believe this show won’t go on in some form.

Is the spaceship and 2099 real or a simulation? If it’s real, how is the space voyage connected to the simulation project? What’s the purpose of either of them?

Is Maura just a pawn in Ciaran’s game who was manipulated by her wish to be with her son or is she the mastermind behind it all who made herself forget? Is Ciaran part of her psyche?

Were the simulated traumas of the passengers based on their real life traumas or were they (like Maura’s) used as distractions from what they’ve really been trying to forget in their lives?

Is Daniel real or a rogue program fueled by his love for Elliot and Maura? Is he dead or dying like Elliot? Is he actually alive and healthy but trapped by Ciaran and in need of saving? Or alive and ready to help? 

Who was in the already opened pod before Maura woke up? Daniel? Elliot? Ciaran? Ada?? Someone else?

Is Elliot still dying or already dead? What’s the cause of his death? Is he an unknowing part of Ciaran’s psyche? A knowing part?

Did Sebastian and Daniel know about each other? Is Sebastian a mere assistant to Henry or a bigger player in the grand scheme of things?

Is there a special reason for Eyk being the captain of the Kerberos in the simulation? Was he manipulated through loss as well, or was he an active partner in crime in creating the simulation(s)? Is he Ciaran, or rather an unknowing part of his psyche?

Did Henry try to use Maura’s situation for his own gain and accidentally get trapped or was he never trying anything before he was put in the simulation? Did he genuinely think his 8-day loops could do something or was he just punishing his daughter?

How many simulations did Maura and Daniel make together? What was their initial purpose? How much of a role did Daniel play in Maura’s project to keep some version of Elliot alive? What were their lives like before and when everything started to go wrong?

Speaking of what was any of these people’s lives like before they entered the simulation? Who entered willingly and who were forced? Was forgetting their real lives purposeful or a mistake or a devious act from outside?

Does being put down in the simulation affect any of the characters in real life? Will Eyk, Krester, Yuk Je, Lucien, Olek and/or Ángel still be down? And what are the real life consequences of touching the weird geometric fungi-ish stuff for Virginia?

What’s with all the parallels between the characters, like Maura and her mother forgetting their children? What about Daniel and Eyk losing their families? Or Ling Yi, Lucien, Ramiro and possibly Olek killing someone prior to boarding the Kerberos?

[pinkytoothlesso11]

Hi Pinky

a Quiz

What made Strickler admire and fall in Love with Barbara

What made Claire falls in Love with Jim

and Darci with toby.

and a bonus one might be a bit Controversial but what's the deal with Autistic Strickler?

cuz i seen this a lot

I think the thing that made Strickler fall in love with Barbara was her strong personality, her kindness and compassion, her ability to make every coherent thought in Strickler’s head complete mush. And most importantly, she loved him for himself, for the real, troll him. (she will also not hesitate to beat him up, which he ardently admires.

Claire fell in love with Jim for his awkward, clumsy and endearing personality, after finding out he was the Trollhunter, she also fell in love with his selfless and forgiving nature, something she admits to struggle with.

I think Darci fell in love with Toby, or began to, when he didn't try and impress her and just was himself. She likes how non judging Toby is, and how he can always use humour to cool any situation.

As for the autistic! Strickler thing... That's just a headcanon me and several others have hypothesised based on Strickler’s cluelessness when it comes to actual social interactions, (like with his failed attempt at a apology to Barbara) his tendency to stim (fiddling with his pen/knives, leaning on tables) his special interests (human history, dark magic) and obsession with being clean and tidy (his outfit in human form and hair, in troll form the neatness of his claws, slicked back hair and shiny white tusks, he clearly looks after both forms).

[mariocki]

Inspector Morley, Late of Scotland Yard, Investigates: The Case of the Scarlet Letters (1.3, WGN-TV, 1952)

"Mr. Mullins, I have in my possession sixty-eight letters, none of which has begun to outlive its usefulness. I'm quite prepared to admit that blackmail is risky, but then murder has its disadvantages too - that is why I gave up murder."