#i stopped growing my freshman year in hs

[little-pondhead]

I’m not too fond of doing certain chores around the house, but I certainly won’t complain if I’m asked to do them. In fact, sometimes I’m delighted to do these chores, but only if I’m pissed off at my siblings. Why, you may ask?

Because I’m an adult. Under the nitpicking gaze of my mother, I have long since perfected these chores despite any feelings I may hold. So when I’m really pissed off and want to be petty, I’ll do the chores so well, my mother will see the results and nag the others to keep up with her standards.

Psychological warfare is the best when the opponent doesn’t even know what you’re doing.

[neofelis----nebulosa]

KInda having some issues with something my friend said last night and i want to move past it but cant stop thinking about it

[omarandjohnny]

GETTING TO KNOW MEME!

Tagged this time by @callipigio <333333333333333333333333333

do you make your bed?

My bed doubles as my couch, so no. Most that happens is the blanket becomes a prop for my pillows during the daytime.

what's your favourite number?

"69, DUDES!" (had to)

what is your job?

caregiver

if you could go back to school, would you?

Absolutely not. Loathed every aspect of school, even more so because I had 'behind the curtain' access to everything (mom was a teacher, and I ended up being her PA towards the end of her career)

can you parallel park?

I cannot drive so nope! (same)

a job you had that would surprise people?

I was a part-time nanny through highschool, then a data collector for a day trader, and then a licensed insurance rep, then a PA for mom, which transformed into caregiver as she got older. Out of all of those, I'm not sure which would surprise people more. I was at least a corporate goth during my insurance years, let that mental image sit with ya for a minute. (I wasn't as cool as Richmond, unfortunately)

do you think aliens are real?

Somewhere there's probably something <-

can you drive a manual car?

Can't drive, full stop.

what's your guilty pleasure?

Can't say I've ever felt guilty about anything that's given me pleasure, never understood that concept.

tattoos?

Filthy with 'em! From the tummy up anyway- haven't started on my legs yet, unless you count my very first tattoo (a stick and poke inverted triangle I gave myself freshman year of hs)

favorite color?

Suspiria red and slime green! Tho, I have been favoring purple quite a bit these days.

favorite type of music?

I grew up in a house that was constantly filled with music, 50-60s pop, to 60s-70s motown, to 70s glam, to anything 80s that was currently on the radio. I jump all over the place, but my constants usually drift towards that stuff, as well as all the goth and numetal I picked up as a baby bat.

do you like puzzles?

I get frustrated too quickly, hence why I never got into gaming of any sort.

any phobias?

Not a phobia per se, but I still have some issues with boiling liquids (old burn trauma). I do all the cooking so I kinda have to push that stuff to the back of my mind, but yeah.

favorite childhood sport?

I loved basketball the most (tallest kid in class, heh) I liked volleyball as well, and was on a soccer team for a bit, but basketball came naturally to me.

do you talk to yourself?

Not much anymore. Long Covid brain fog has made a lot of things much quieter in my mind, a weird and rare upside XD

what movies do you adore?

Derek Jarman, Gregg Araki and John Waters were my honorary film uncles in late teens-early twenties. My life revolved around Wolfe Video and TLA Video back during the catalog ordering days, so I have MANY favorites there. Stephen King and Clive Barker were my horror uncles, and then you've got my childhood faves- Lost Boys, Monster Squad, Beetlejuice, etc. There's also this film called My Beautiful Laundrette that I mildly enjoy as well ;)

coffee or tea?

I do enjoy just regular ol' black coffee when the mood strikes (or my asthma's kicking up)

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Wanted to work in the funeral arts, quelle surprise. Would've done it too, had I the patience for maths and sciences (I very much do not)

[ambrosialdesire]

YOUR DRAWING IS SO BEAUTIFUL. i’ve been wanting to get into digital art but idk where to start 🙁 i can’t draw for my life - 🎀

TYYY BOW ANON 🫶🫶

and don't say you can't draw, everyone starts somewhere! it always makes me sad to hear someone say that they have no artistic talent, i feel like everyone has an artist inside them that they just have to slowly pull out of themselves when they begin to put in the work.

when i've first started, it was with physical media first on loose leaf paper or printer paper before i moved onto sketchbooks. during hs art class, i had a preference for watercolor/gouache; my college art class, i learned how to use charcoal and actual art pencils (which btw was so fucking difficult to work with, it really shows you every mistake that you need to improve upon since i never really started with the "basics"). i then started digital art with free apps such as sketchbook on the apple store and medibang (also on the apple store and on pc), and once i got my current ipad, i finally got procreate. i literally was a finger drawer on my little ipad mini and my phone when i started digital art, it was the trenches for my poor hand LMFAO

i really wasn't good at all when i first started in like freshman year of high school (so about 8-ish years ago), i could only draw little scribbles of tiny cat heads (i was and still am a MAJOR warrior cats fanatic, i will not stop talking about it if someone brings it up) and never thought i would be able to create more than just that. i took influence from some of my favorite artists before (like certain styling or the way they colored things) and mashed them all together to make it mine, there's also hella helpful tutorials on insta, tiktok, and youtube (only a few years ago, i've just learned how to properly draw hands from sinix design on yt lol)

and thanks to friends, my amazing high school art teacher, and my consistent urge to draw literally everyday while i was in class, i managed to improve and grow with my art. it's not perfect at all nor original, but it became something that's mine to be proud of. that could be said for you as well, it's like planting a seed and nurturing it to be something great. it may take trial and error, but you'll definitely get there eventually.

and improvement takes time, and also never compare what's yours to another! as that quote says, comparison is the thief of joy. i've had days where i felt that my art couldn't amount to my classmates, but i've always noticed the wonderful differences that showed that what's mine is mine and what's theirs is theirs. that's what kept me drawing, just like writing, because it let me see the differences in creativity within other's works and be able to share my part of the love for this hobby. and even if i didn't get into an art major/art based career like i originally wanted (because being asian and an artist cannot coexist smh /j), i still enjoy it whenever i can!

so start practicing, ignore what others think cause you're just starting out (non-artist critics can suck a nut), and have fun with it bow anon.

[wrdn-tabris]

i dont think these games are so much unheard of but they are older and were probably more popular when they came out

but then again i talk about them all the time so ky perception might be skewed

DISHONORED

You play as Corvo Attano, Lord Protector to Empress Jessamine Kaldwin and her young daughter Emily. after months of being abroad trying to find a cure to the deadly rat plague you return to the city of Dunwall empty handed, and end up being framed for the murder of the empress.

WHAT I LOVE ABOUT THIS GAME is just the overall atmosphere. Dunwall is a dark and bleak city, and both the art direction and the music scored really helps being you into the moment. I also love the karma system, called chaos. Your actions as Corvo and wether you kill to get your revenge or venture down paths that side step killing have a direct impact on how the story ends and how Emily grows. Along with the lore you discover through the npcs and through journal entries, the very real and uncaring God in the Outsider, this game hs such a special place in my heart. It’s available on steam and xbox 360

DRAGON AGE ORIGINS

Out of one of SIX origins (Human Noble, Human/Elf Mage, Dwarf Noble, Dwarf Commoner, City Eld, Dalish Elf) you are conscripted to join the ranks of the noble Grey Wardens to stop the darkspawn and the Blight. Despite where you cane from, you and your fellow wardens are branded as traitors due to the crushing defeat in the battle of Ostagar, and must rally support to fight against the archdemon and stop the blight.

Dragon Age is really the epitome of a fantasy putting you in charge of whats left of the shattered grey wardens and putting what is essentially a college freshman in charge or saving the entire country. What I love most about it is the characters and option to really feel like your choices matter in DAO. In my opinion DAO is the best out of the series, the companions are fun and memorable, and overall its just a fun fantasy game. It’s available on PC, xbox 360, and ps3.

LITTLE NIGHTMARES 1&2

An adorably dark platformer/horror game, in the first game you play as a young girl named Six who wakes up to find herself in someplace called the Maw, and struggles to escape. It very much is a horror so it has some dark and potentially triggering scenes so i encourage you to look it up yourself. It’s a platformer that deals with a lot of puzzles and trying to find the right way t escape from an enemy. The second gane follows Mono, a young boy and its also so so good.

Available for PC and switch.

KOTOR 1&2

IF YOU LIKE STAR WARS these are great games. Much older, but they still hold up.

In both you play as a jedi, either learning or re-learning how your powers work in the force. These games take place hundreds or years before the original and prequel trilogies. The first one was developed by bioware who did DAO while the second was Obsidian who did FNV if im not super mistaken. The first, you are a young person who is thrown into a galactic war and discovering that you are force sensitive in your adulthood, while in the second you play as a Jedi Exile, being hunted down by the sith. In both you recruit companions to your cause, and your morality slides on the dark or light aide depending on your choices.

available on PC, orignal xbox but backwards compatible on 360c and switch.

Hey can anyone tell me about some of their favorite games that no one's ever heard of?

[wicked-elfie]

Okay so Ariel being black and how that relates to me, Legend of Korra, and my dog…

lots of cursing, please be mindful of that <3

Sorry this is gonna be long as shit, but I’m insanely worked about this, and I know the people I’m writing about will most definitely ignore it or just be mad, but I don’t really care. This is a vent post.

also here’s my dog for reference ofc. wonderful powder sugar donut foot lookin ass <3 be mean to him and i’ll annihilate you

Okay this was just on my mind earlier. As most everyone has heard by now, the new trailer for the live action The Little Mermaid dropped, and some people were angry because Ariel “doesn’t look the same” *cough* she’s Halle Bailey *cough* these people are just racist *cough*

Look, so, I really dislike the live action remakes that Disney seems to be busting their asses making, but I don’t care enough to actually be mad about it. Disney is a Really Shit Company. We Already Know That. HOWEVER!!!! That’s not the fucking point and I want people to stop using that as a distraction from the issue! And whatever, like, these kids get to enjoy these movies!!! That’s cool!

And these kids: THESE KIDS DO NOT CARE THAT ARIEL IS BLACK. THESE KIDS ARE EXCITED THAT ARIEL IS BLACK. It absolutely DOES NOT take away from the experience of the film WHATSOEVER!

Who’s mad? Well… White adults ofc!

So, now that I’ve got that out of my system (FOR THE TIME BEING) I’m gonna explain my experience.

I had this thought when I came across the drawing someone make of Korra from LoK and Naga. I know some people have their reservations about the show, but please spare me, because as I’m about to explain, this show means the absolute world to me.

So I watched LoK when it had already finished. Probably my freshman year of HS, so I was like 14 (2015- a year after it ended). I had already watched ATLA growing up. I decided to watch Korra when I heard about Korrasami. (this is important.)

Guys, when I say that I related to Korra, I mean in every way possible. And in a way that kinda sucks, because everyone seemed to HATE HER. However, after finishing the show, it’s like I grew with her as well. I somehow managed to not binge it so it took some time, and relate to her arc even more as I Continue to grow.

Korra is hotheaded, impulsive, egotistical but also extremely self conscious, emotional, empathetic, ambitious, funny, caring, and a total fucking idiot at the start of season 1. Makes sense- she’s literally a teenager. I Cannot Express This Enough.

Now, by the end of the show: She’s maternal, she’s thoughtful, self conscious but working on it, learning how to communicate her emotions, still ambitious but learns to ask for help, still funny, still caring, brave, and mature.

Now, of course I’m not the avatar, but we all have trauma, amirite? This show was so cathartic for me to watch. From start to finish, it was an outlet for me and continues to be- a place to just let go of all of those big feelings little me couldn’t deal with as a kid. This show taught me so much about myself.

Physically, I have a lot in common with her, too. Both close with father figures in our lives, both young women with brown skin, and the perfect cherry on top: we both have a big fluffy white dog.

This sounds really stupid, but people… imagine me;

Angry, erratic, emotional, exhausted, brown skinned, queer but didn’t know it, close with my dad (specifically a dad with lighter skin, too), wanting to have control and take care of the things I loved: and I’m sitting there on my bedroom floor, on my laptop, hugging my big fluffy dog and bawling my eyes out as Korra gets dragged to the ground by herself in that one scene in the swamp, and eventually getting to watch her walking into the portal with Asami.

I have never, ever felt more seen in my life, and I don’t know that I ever will feel that again.

Representation is so insanely important. Obviously, mine is a little on the nose, but just skin tone, queer relationships and identities, complicated families… People with different experiences need to see themselves, and people who can’t relate at all need to see it too. I remember my boyfriend and I talked about representation after watching ATLA, and he said, “I don’t think I’ve ever actually watched a show where not a single person was white.” followed up with “I never had to look for myself in media. I was always there.” My boyfriend is a straight white male.

I’ve been on so many rants to this guy about how much these things matter, and he already knows but he listens to me anyways. Korra was life-changing for me. Life-saving.

So excuse me if I’m emotional as I slam my fist on the goddamn table and scream at these angry mf white ADULTS,

This takes ABSOLUTELY NOTHING FROM YOU!

AREIL CAN BE BLACK! IT DOESNT EFFECT THE STORY!

Shit, the Ariel in our high school play was a POC!

Don’t you dare make me list Every Single God Damn character that was written as a POC and adapted to be WHITE ON FILM!

Would it KILL YOU to just Let The Little Black Girls HAVE THIS!

Being in a place of privilege doesn’t mean you don’t experience things like trauma, or inconvenience, or struggle. It means you don’t experience those things BECAUSE OF YOUR RACE. YOUR SEXUALITY. YOUR CREED. YOUR GENDER. YOUR BORN-INTO WEALTH.

Giving people the recognition they need doesn’t take Anything from you.

So please. Please just let them have this. If it really makes you mad, you need to seriously evaluate “why?” because “she’s not the same” is a shit excuse when her appearance has nothing to do with the story.

Fuck

[444piscesprincess]

childhood friends to lovers/growing up together sterek fic reclist

uhh this kinda got a lil angsty but i recommend you pick a growing up together fic and listen to this song i promise you will not regret it 

https://open.spotify.com/track/5Dz8nrwQlPLE68WaTEIqY5?si=aogjMc1aToSALmAlfQOR7A 

anyways as usual check tags please!!

(click on the title for the fic)

you know you're on my mind

bibliosexual

Summary:

If there’s one thing Derek’s learned in life, it’s that crushing on someone who lives on an entire other fucking continent is probably a bad idea.

(hs!au + texting!au + childhood friends to lovers the ULTIMATE fluff fic)

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)   (series)

yodasyoyo

Summary:

Stiles is six years old when he first hears Derek's voice in his head.

Or what happens if you have a soulmate bond, in a universe where soulmate bonds don't exist?

Up Down Lock Unlock

isthatbloodonhisshirt (wasterella)

Summary:

“Why are you going into grandma Ito’s apartment?” he asked.

Derek turned to him, key sliding into the lock. “What do you mean?” He tried to turn it, but the key wasn’t budging. Maybe the lock was sticking again, it’d been doing that the past few days.

Stiles was staring at him like Derek was stupid.

Derek did not appreciate sass from a ten year old.

“That’s grandma Ito’s place.”

“No,” Derek said calmly, pulling the key out and then shoving it back in, wiggling it a little when it continued to refuse to unlock the door. “This is my place.”

“I think you’re on the wrong floor then, because that apartment belongs to grandma Ito.”

(time travel counts as childhood friends right?)

the difference between going back and going home

thepsychicclam

Summary:

Stiles and Derek were inseparable growing up, but then college, jobs, and life happened. When Stiles comes back to Beacon Hills a decade later, he doesn't expect to reconnect with Derek, and he sure doesn't expect to fall in love with him.

It's Such a Gas When You Bring Up the Past

orphan_account

Summary:

Stiles finds a box of old photo albums that dredge up the sweet, the funny, the adorable, and the mildly heartwrenching parts of his and Derek's past.

(mainly a friends fic but its too cute to not include)

It's Always Been You

charlesdk

Summary:

Stiles' love life was practically non-existing, always had been. He was always terrible at picking up clues when people hit on him (it had happened, Erica had been witness to it and had been the one to let him know it was happening in the first place) because he never expected anyone to do so.

He wasn't the most desirable guy around, he knew that. He was loud, extremely nerdy, never knew when to stop talking, not exactly much of a looker if you asked him, the list was endless.

Point was, he never did know when someone was flirting with him. Which was probably how he ended up in the fight that would change his life for the better.

Lead You Home Again

GotTheSilver

Summary:

The first time Derek meets Stiles, the kid’s brown eyes are wide, and he’s staring up at him with a mischievous grin as he tugs at the arm of Derek’s first ever Batman figure like he’s trying to separate it from Batman’s body.

An alternate take on Teen Wolf, wherein Stiles and Derek are childhood friends, and things unfold from there.

Kingdom By The Sea

kilaem

Summary:

Lydia grabs his arm and pulls him down in the seat next to her. “When the hell did you find time to bag a guy like Hale?”

“We’re friends,” Stiles feels his face heat up, and then the team are running out and Derek sees him and smiles. His blush gets worse.

“Oh really?”

“Our moms were friends, okay? We’ve been in diapers together.”

“I thought you two hated each other.”

Those That Bump In The Night

bleep0bleep

Summary:

A boy’s head appears upside down, hanging off the bed. “Is anyone there?” he calls out curiously, looking right at Derek’s eyes. Caught, then. The protocol for being deliberately seen by a child is just to look as strange and fearsome as possible. No one would believe them, anyways. But Derek is tired, and he’s been running and scared, and now he just kind of flickers, curling out a tendril of dark smoke, hoping that he’s a little bit scary. No such luck. The boy’s eyes widen. “Oooh, are you the bogeyman?” “Bogeyperson,” Derek says, before he can help himself.

~

When Stiles was a boy, he had an imaginary friend named Derek. Ten years later, Derek comes back, and is very, very real.

Five Times Derek and Stiles Kissed For Practice (And One Time They Didn't)

mikkimouse

Summary:

In which Derek and Stiles grow up together and practice kissing, roughly in that order.

216 + 1: Words To Say Instead of I Love You

briggs

Summary:

Derek and Stiles have been best friends for fourteen years. They have their differences, sure, but it's never been a question for them. Their friendship has been the most solid thing in their lives -- until suddenly it isn't anymore.

Funny how just a few choice words can throw fourteen years of friendship off-balance.

OR

a collection of "Bro, That's Gay" one-shots that actually ended up turning into a concrete storyline.

hope is the thing with feathers (part of a series)

ShanaStoryteller

Summary:

Stiles is ten when he saves the Hales from their burning home and Derek from a wolfsbane bullet, and this establishes a pattern that seem to continue indefinitely.

"Then he's facing a burning home, and he wraps the hood of his sweatshirt around his mouth before he pushes the door open and steps inside. There's Mr. Hale asleep - he hopes asleep - on the couch, next to - Stiles thinks that's his brother but there are so many Hales, who can keep track. He rushes over and starts shaking him, can see the rise and fall of the man's chest so he knows he's alive, but he's not waking up. He shoves away his hood so he can shout, "Mr. Hale! You have to get up, there's a fire! Mr. Hale, get up!" Nothing, he's not even twitching, both of them taking in deep even breaths like they're having the most peaceful of rests, and Stiles is going to cry. "Wake up, wake up, wake up!" There's a moment, where all Stiles can hear is the blood rushing in his ears and not the roar of the flames or the creak of wood, then with a violent, silent pop it's all back and both of the men are gasping awake, eyes open and jumping to their feet. "

(one of my favourite fics like EVER)

it came from the trees

whatshouldntbe

Summary:

“Don’t worry, Scott caught me up on everything,” Kira assures with a bubbly smile via video-chat. “You and Derek, huh? I probably should have seen that coming. I always thought it might be Cora, but Derek was the one that looked at you how I used to look at you.”

Stiles goes a little pink. “It’s still kinda new but, yeah. I really like him. He’s...” Beautiful. Patient. Smart. Painfully honest. Sweet.“...a total dork.”

Kira laughs and laughs. When she gets herself together, she replies, “Yeah, those little hearts and stars in your eyes definitely say different."

or

Stiles moves from the shiny, fast-paced lifestyle of Los Angeles to the foggy, sleepy town of Beacon Hills so his dad can become the new sheriff. Newly fifteen, he does his best to finish out his freshman year of high school (by staying under the radar) when he suddenly becomes the Beyoncé of the Supernatural community. And, without much prompting on his part, he ends up catching the eye of one of the most prominent Werewolf families in all of North America. It literally all starts with a stuffed animal(s).

(oh god this fic is the literal best even though its abandoned it ends at okay-ish place. this is one of the best hale family characterisations ive ever read. if you squint it can be a childhood friends to lovers fic but im including it anyway bc its amazing)

Promises aren't Meant to be Broken

paradis

Summary:

“Thanks for saving me,” Stiles blurts out, staring up at Laura, wide eyed.

Laura grins. “I like you,” she says, “we’ll be friends.”

(more laura and stiles besties centric but totally worth a read)

The Things We See

MelodramaticSalad

Summary:

Stiles grew up in the life of knowing that there was always more to life than what others saw with a first glance. Even as a child he saw things that no one else seemed to and always had a fascination with the unusual.

Some considered him an unusual child, but Claudia welcomed every single quirk her son displayed. His mother had a few special talents of her own and thrilled her to see it in her son as well. She'd raised Stiles to always keep his mind open and as grew and started to display his powers, she began to teach him how to use them. She even taught Stiles about werewolves at a young age, his infatuation with them growing once he had learned the truth about her closest friend.

Stiles spent nearly every possible moment that he could roaming the Hale house, following after the middle child most of the time. Derek was three years older than Stiles, but the bond they developed with each other was something their mothers considered out of a story book. Like Derek, Stiles was sensitive to his emotions, but unlike Derek, Stiles didn't need a scent to figure it out. He could feel it.

take me back

matildajones

Summary:

“I dare you to kiss me,” Stiles taunts, and he’s not expecting the way Derek says a naughty word under his breath and then leans forward.

Stiles yelps. He just dodges Derek’s mouth before he’s laughing wildly and running through the trees, calling out a series of ew ew ew as Derek chases him back home.

[st-louis]

kevin hayes on nasty knuckles

okay, once again i am listening to these podcasts so you don’t have to. i really do hope you appreciate this one because the more i listen the more derek settlemyre annoys me and the ads are like.... five full minutes at once.... my god, and so does kevin hayes’ voice. anyway: without further ado, i present: kevin hayes.

“hollywood” as a nickname was from his youth, he was playing for six to seven teams from 8am to 4pm, “he would eat sometimes.” he played for the devils with red gear/gloves/helmet and whatever team no matter the colors he kept the gear, and it looked horrible, and he wore #99. he remembers walking into the locker room and asking, at eight years old, “you guys don’t mind if you call me hollywood, right???” and then that was his nickname around boston from age 8-15.

then he started to “stink at hockey” around age 15. 

one of settlemyre’s friends works with the devils and knew kevin and ratted him out re: the nickname, so even though he was haysey for five years in new york, the hollywood name is back. he’d never even MET settlemyre before and settlemyre had the nickname on all his gear.

and then he started scoring goals and it was fine to see it on the jumbotron.

his cousins are tom fitzgerald and keith tkachuk. growing up he loved jumbo thornton but wasn’t the biggest bruins fan because every time the blues or coyotes or whatever team fitzy was on would come, they’d take off from school and go watch the team practice. these guys were probably like “how many fucking autographs does this kid want?”

he grew up adoring them and wanting to be just like them. it’s fun now because he and his brother are in the nhl and so are their kids.

keith has a kpost and they have one, and they’d go down and have wiffleball tournaments, and there was 8-9 past and current nhl players playing in that tournament.

keith’s kids looked up to kevin + friends and wouldn’t even listen to keith because he was only a fourth liner, but they would listen to kevin.

when he was leaving college and deciding where to play he called keith and tom for advice.

all of the tkachuks and fitzys are still out partying when kevin + friends were ready to go to sleep.

he realized he was going to play in the nhl later than most, actually; he didn’t take hockey that serious growing up (when he was really young, yes, because everyone was like “oh it’s that hayes kid!”) 

but an english teacher sent a note home asking kevin’s parents to stop talking to him about going to the nhl because he wrote every paper about that. this teacher will still send him messages saying she can’t believe it and she’s happy for it.

as he started to decline in his play in high school and was a little overweight, that was tough to deal with. 

his junior year he was surprised to go in the first round, but he’d rather “chase broads and do all that other fun stuff.”

he skipped his senior year of hs and went to college and was playing with his brother and chris kreider.

he had an okay freshman year, partied too much sophomore and junior year, but when he couldn’t figure out what he wanted to do with his life besides hockey...

but then he got badly injured junior year and required four surgeries and was told he’d never play hockey again. his dad kept saying, “no, no, he needs to play hockey.” but this was an eye opening experience for him that he needed to focus more and try harder to work towards his ultimate job. then he did the right things: eating, training, sacrifices.

came back senior year and played with johnny gaudreau and put on an absolute show like 72 points in 30 games. but even before then he’d been trying harder.

it wasn’t until then that he realized it was what he was going to do the rest of his life and he wanted it to work out.

he didn’t skate from february 26 until the first game of his senior year and his coach didn’t even believe he would be able to help out much given what had happened. but despite the injury it was his breakout year.

the hawks had drafted him but were VERY unhappy with him throughout college.

coming from boston to new york or even any team his buddies would be like “wtf why wouldn’t you play for the bruins.” kevin said the goal is to spend as little time as possible in the ahl, to play for the team where you get the nhl time.

ultimately he chose new york and it worked out because he made the team and av was his coach. 

playing the flyers, he knew nothing about philly besides the fans being crazy, although it was always a prime time game.

they were the only fans who would be screaming and swearing at you coming out of the locker room in the whole league.

when he was traded chuck fletcher drove him around the city to show it off; he signed five days later.

in five years there was one really ugly game with like six or seven fights; raffl was sitting there like, “hey hayesy, you wanna go next shift?” he had never fought before, although getzlaf had challenged him but he couldn’t fight getzlaf. so he looked down and raffl’s best friend was grabner and kevin asked “hey grabs is raf tough?” and grabner said “i wouldn’t fight him” and kevin was like “uhhh i’m all set, thanks.” 

kevin described raffl as “a moose.”

traded to winnipeg. it was tough; he loved his time there, it was very short, but it was so different from new york city. beaulieu was like “i love it!” and kevin was like “what do you mean to love it?? what’s to love??”

it’s “rude” to send someone from new york to winnipeg

he didn’t leave his apartment

the social part sucked but the hockey part was incredible

his first shift in winnipeg he was centering laine and ehlers and he hopped over the boards and minny dumped it in and they were doing a ten man change and he stepped on the ice and all of the crowd started clapping and he got a puck on a pass and realized that people were just cheering for him, no special reason. they win and die winnipeg jets hockey. and the whiteout during the playoffs was insane.

he got recognized in a starbucks in winnipeg and the guy was like “can i sit down with you?” and kevin was like “uhhh my mom’s coming...” because he didn’t want to talk, and the guy goes, “oh, i’ll just sit with you until she comes.” and then he started dissecting the jets’ power play to kevin. this is just a fan? oh my god, these people live and die hockey, and kevin left and stopped at a convenience store, and the guy in front of him in line was talking about going to the jets game the night before and the cashier mentioned kevin and goes “he doesn’t skate well and passes too much.” kevin thought it was really cool to be there and have that canadian market

even though he knows they don’t love him in winnipeg because he didn’t help much... 

it’s a tight knit group in the locker room there.

one of the hardest things about going to a new team and signing a long/big contract is knowing you have to be good and fit in, on ice was the easiest because he already knew av and was not stressed. the only stress was the locker room: be himself right away? let the older guys lead?

he had different meetings where he was told he was a great player but they knew his personality and wanted him to buy in right away. but from day one, the guys probably were annoyed with him because he didn’t shut up, but now he feels like he’s been here for five years.

it’s very fun when everyone buys in; he tries to give it his all every night.

jake is a huge personality and is awesome

even when kevin showed up here, you kind of put personalities to people you don’t know just based on the way they play, “i hope that guy’s a bad guy because i HATE playing him.” the only two guys he thought he’d have a problem with were konecny and laughton because they were so annoying on the ice, such chirpers, he knew everyone on the team would have to hate them.... he shows up and they’re the two guys he loves the most

tk and sanny have their relationship, laughton and raffl

the team has a bunch of funny guys, he wishes everyone could be mic’d up so people could see it

the locker room is chill and fun, until it needs to be serious: g is like that too. he likes to fuck around and have fun, but he’s the captain, and he knows when he has to be serious. he sets the tone.

kevin and jake work hard but keep it light.

kevin considers himself a 200 foot player but didn’t realize this until getting to the nhl and playing with av. when the coach puts the lines on the boards before the game, and you only see your name on the fourth line left side, not on pp or pk? this is a shot to the ego because he was usually running the half wall. he met with av and asked to keep his name on the right side of the board and av said, “you have to play the right way. everyone says how good an offensive guy you are, but you only have eight points so far?” but that’s when kevin bought in and watched a ton of kopitar’s film, rick nash, eric staal.

he was lucky enough to play with nash and staal. 

the second half of his first year was when he really bought in; he owes a lot to av.

when kevin came here he didn’t know much about coots except from watching film, he is THE 200 foot player even though he’s younger then kevin.

it’s way more fun in the locker room when you’re depended upon in all situations and the sooner you can realize that, the better it is.

he hates when reporters mention their stats because he wants to score 82 goals, the 4th line wants that, but you can help the team in many ways besides scoring. 

it’s tough to be the best player on the team when you’re younger and go to a new team and not be the best, but realize you can do other things.

he is involved in charity work--corey griffin foundation, they build a house next to the hospital so kids can celebrate christmas there, and provide an easier way for inner city kids to get into sports teams and schools. and hayes’ heroes for first responders (they come to the game and he meets them after gives a puck or stick, and chats).

he’s been wearing the same skates for three years.

kevin wanted settlemyre to change his gloves (?) for all games, he didn’t want to wear the orange gloves with the third jerseys. but he wanted to wear his own gloves that are like ten years old? current gloves are 2 years old but palms switched out.

he’s so comfortable in these skates that it would take forever to get used to new skates. they are disgusting though.

he wasn’t super involved in the big hayesy ipa but he was surprised by how successful it was.

described the bubble as a “nice high class prison.” same schedule, fenced in by huge black fences. he had the best one by far of the four bubbles: pools, tennis, basketball, etc. three restaurants, the soccer field to play games. some other bubbles didn’t have ac at times (in edmonton).

he doesn’t have kids so it wasn’t too bad but he felt bad for the guys with wives and kids, took a toll on them more than him. he was pumped to hang out with the guys, like being paid to go to hockey camp. it did get old but you get more important games as it gets older, so the games are more exciting as it’s getting bad off ice.

hopefully it never happens again.

playing the third game was the worst because the ice was so bad

the other bubble was allowed to come and hang out at the beemo, so the habs were on the same soccer field as the flyers, and it was pretty awkward after game one where there had been several fights. it would NEVER happen if not for covid, so it was weird seeing them.

the islanders were in their actual hotel so they were all getting coffee in line together. “oh uh. see you on the ice.” and tk just runs his mouth, kevin’s sure the bubble wanted to kill him.

he has a good group back in boston and had access to a gym and ice with 15 other nhl’ers who live around time. his life was the same: played golf and worked out skating every day. 

everyone seems like they’re in good shape and ready to go. 

at a game, boys were coming to celebrate an ot goal with kevin, but tk was just chirping the other bench.

they’ll be playing against guys like mcdonough in prelims before the real playoffs start in the round robin and tk was just running his mouth the whole game. mcdonough skates up to kevin and says, “does this kid ever shut up? what’s wrong with him?” kevin said you will love him if you get to know him. it’s funny now to be on this side of tk and laughton.

[the-unconquered-queen]

So I have a question about ILitW

Specifically, about Connor and MC

Okay, so it’s been established that MC is 18 when the events of ILitW kick off. Connor is canonically two years older, making him 20, reiterated when he’s 21 in the one year later epilogue. This means that back when he was in school, he would have been two grades above MC, so he would’ve been a junior when they were a freshman and a senior when they were a sophomore.

And then the story makes it seem like the whole main gang all kept going to the same schools as they grew up (rather than just ending up in the same hs after being in different schools prior to that), which makes sense, since the town isn’t huge, but we can assume that if Stacy went to the same schools as MC, so did Connor, because kids with more narrow age gaps (such as Connor and Stacy’s 2 years) tend to go to the same schools, because it makes more sense to enroll them in the same place, and since we know Connor went to the same high school as his younger sister, we can assume that the two of them were in the same elementary/middle school, which would’ve been the same one(s) MC attended.

So given that there were two years of overlap in which Connor and MC went to the same high school (and that they most likely attended the same school(s) prior to that), how come that encounter on the side of the road is their first time seeing each other in ten years?

Because hear me out, while it’s clear that it’s their first interaction in all that time, they still would’ve seen each other in the halls for at least two years (because I highly doubt that in all that time, they had never seen each other even once), and while I don’t expect two students with a whole grade between them to take much notice of each other, it doesn’t change the fact that their paths must have crossed, so then Connor would’ve said something earlier, wouldn’t he?

This guy was preoccupied with driving a car, saw MC from behind, made a split second of eye contact when he drove by them, and in that split second knew he’d seen them somewhere before and that made him stop, so I don’t get why that didn’t happen previously when they were in high school together. Especially since when the pieces clicked and Connor realized who MC was, it wasn’t “oh, that one kid I remember occasionally walking past in the hallways, whom I additionally know from way before that”, but rather “yeah, MC, my sister’s childhood friend from ten years ago”, so his memory immediately takes him to when he was a kid, rather than to more recent times, like when they went to the same hs up until two years before that reunion or all the years they would’ve gone to school together before that. Because yeah, right now I wouldn’t recognize someone who was two grades above or below me in high school if I never interacted with them during that time, but that’s not why Connor recognizes MC in the book, which is what makes no sense to me, because if he recognized them on the road, he would’ve recognized them at school too.

Going back to the part where he saw them from behind while driving, I am adding that my MC at least had the purple hair, which is a striking trait and one that clashes very obviously with what he would remember from when they were kids, while he notes that MC kept the same walk he remembered them having back then (impressive recall), so if his subconscious memory is so good that he can tell that this random stranger he locked eyes with for .1 second, who’s got different physical traits than he remembered, is someone he’s familiar with to the point where he stops the car to talk to them and try to figure out who they are, wouldn’t their reunion have taken place earlier?

And another thing is that if he and MC went to the same school(s) before that, he’d have vaguely seen MC grow up from afar, so he wouldn’t have had much trouble placing who they were, when in the book it wasn’t until Stacy was talking about the pep rally that he put the pieces together, which means that the whole mystery of how they knew each other wouldn’t happen because they’d have been seeing each other from a distance for years, which would’ve been enough to recognize each other all along. (Unless we’re saying that MC and Connor both changed so much during Connor’s first two years of hs while MC was still in middle school that they didn’t recognize each other at all when MC started hs, or that they changed so much in those two years after Connor graduated, but first of all, we saw MC a year before the events of ILitW in the Dan scene and they looked the exact same, so another year wouldn’t mean much difference, and also if they’d both changed so much, they wouldn’t have recognized each other on the road either.)

Oh, and this isn’t even going into the part where he said he was attracted to MC when he first saw them on the road, which would bring back the question of why then?

Anyway, I know I’ve been rambling and super redundant but this is something I’ve been wondering about for ages so yeah, I’m really curious as to what’s up. Maybe I missed something in the book? I dunno.

[billy-theking]

how'd you get started in music? have you ever wanted to stop?

oh boy! I have a specific memory of being a little kid, singing along to a song on the radio and telling my parents "I want to be a singer when I grow up." but of course both of them told me shit like "don't get your hopes up," "you're off key," "you sing through your nose," etc. but a guy I was friends with my freshman year in hs was really into guitar, and joined a band that was looking for a dedicated vocalist. he asked me to join for the talent show, we practiced together and did a couple super small shows together at dive bars we had no business stepping into at 16.

but......going to a private arts school in a rich ass neighborhood like Bel Air comes with some perks, like actual record label recruiters attending your shitty talent shows.

now. have I ever wanted to stop??? I mean. I literally canceled my first world tour two thirds of the way through. it's way more exhausting and anxiety inducing than anyone expects, constantly living in and out of hotels and busses, having every minute of your life scheduled for you and then suddenly being told to just sit still for 6-8 hours......... man.

that said??? I would never want to stop making music or performing live altogether. I might not be cut out for 8+ month tours that keep me out of the ocean for an entire summer, but. I love music, there's no way to describe the feeling of losing yourself inside a song and hearing hundreds, or thousands, of people in the chorus behind you. it's literally euphoria....

[thesadboisguidetolife]

L M N O P... And Z

L- Longest friendship?

I met my best friend Freshman year of HS. That was '04 ssooo almost 17 years? Haha we literally went, like, 4 of those without talking and the SECOND we started talking again, it was like nothing had changed at all.

M - Milkshake flavour?

Strawberry at In n Out, Cookies and Cream at Jack in the Crack and (when it's that time of year) the Eggnog one lol.

N - Number of siblings?

Just one younger brother who is 3 days and 3 years younger than me. We're........cool i guess lol

O - One wish?

Just one 🥺👉👈. Haha Ok so Big Picture, i wish that tomorrow I somehow inherited the 1%'s finances so that i could use it to 1. Pay people more than livable wages and 2. Allocate it to build a more environmentally efficient/friendly society.

Small Picture, do you remember those Sour Mango Altoids?!?! They came in that cute circular tin with the green and orange top and they were tasty and not too sour?!?! Yea, those haha

P - Person who called me last?

A friend/coworker of mine. I didnt answer BUT if i had to guess, he needed some information for ordering or running the kitchen that i used to be at but 1. I got demoted and 2. He gets pushed around by the asshole boss and I've had to remind him more than once that hes not getting payed enough to take on everything they put on him now that some of us are out of the picture.

Z - Zodiac sign?

♋ and it was absolutely true about us being emotionally manipulative and being over emotional BUT it definitely took me years to stop doing that lol. If you're getting called out by your sign and youre using it as a crutch to continue to be a bad person.......like......why!?!?! Haha its an opportunity to grow!!

Thanks for the asks my love!!!! 🥰🥰🥰 those were fun!!

[alluringoneirataxia]

Long Winding Road Stay Strapped My Dude

By: Astoria Cathryn Andromeda

Alrighty, this is a long one boys. So I touched briefly on this in my Welcome to Literally Everything post. No worries I'll recap you, so you don't have to switch back and forth. I just diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder, and then ADHD when I was 18 years old, and even then I had to fight for it after countless hours of research. See, there seems to be a wee bit of misogyny in the neurodiverse diagnoses. When I say a wee bit, I mean that scientists used to think that only boy could be autistic or ADHD. They only studied autism in males. Fortunately, nowadays we know that girls can be autistic and/or ADHD, but we present the traits differently than boys, and a lot of our traits are played off due to gender roles in society. For example, being overly talkative in girls is called chatty, whereas boys who can't sit still are sent off for testing immediately. This also causes problems for the boys, because little Johnny gets put on Adderall at the ripe age of 6 years old, just because he can't sit still for 8 hours straight, which by the way should not be expected of any elementary school kid, By the time, he's 25 he's 1) completely dependent on amphetamines 2) his body will stop producing dopamine due to being on the medication for so long. Nicht Gut. Generally, boys who are on the spectrum get picked out earlier due to late speaking, or lack of social skills. This is the one thing that girls happen to do better than boys. Girls are good at masking, which is basically taking social traits, phrases, personalities, demeanor, and copying them. In public, they put on a mask and at home, they have a meltdown. Girls are still not picked up as being on the spectrum, because shyness is called being 'ladylike' and 'dainty', and having a meltdown is just because :( girls are oh-so emotional, boohoo. Anyways tons of women do not get diagnosed with autism until they are well into their adulthood, I actually can be considered lucky to have technically still been a teenager when we finally got all the pieces together.

Alright, let's start with I don't know me as a baby. I did not speak until I was 2 years old, and then it was immediately full sentences from then on. I didn't do the babbling thing, which I don't know how impactful that really is to the topic. I was a very shy little girl. I was teeny tiny, we didn't know I if I was going to make it to 5 feet tall until I had a big growth spurt in 7th grade. I am 5'2 now and definitely done growing in case you were wondering, so not that short anymore. I did not like talking to adults, especially strangers, especially men. I did not look anyone in the face, and I will always hide behind my parent's legs when they would try to introduce me to people. I am an only child, and I spent a lot of time entertaining myself. I always had seasonal affective disorder, where my grades would dip in the winter. My parents knew I had a timer, they had 45 minutes from the moment they stepped into a restaurant before I would start breaking down. If I got off schedule as a toddler in any form, it was a catastrophe. Or this is what my parents and family tell me. I didn't really notice. I did not like being out in public a lot, I was a very picky eater, and I was extremely hyper. I was a very eccentric child, I only had 1-2 close friends and they were always a very well-liked outgoing girl who I just followed around. Looking back, I don't know how we missed it. I was shy because I didn't understand how social interactions worked, I was anxious about it because I didn't understand, I had sensory overloads, routines, and a very bland diet with a safe food which was ketchup. I put that shit on literally everything, eas, apples, mac and cheese, pizza, all meat, anything something forced me to eat that I did not like. But because I could sit still in class, and because I could zone out and daydream all day through school and still make A's nobody ever flagged me for anything and how I was supposed to know that not everybody just copied other people, scripted things before they talked, and could never pay attention. My mom always required me to be in a sport, and I was a gymnast and a swimmer for a long time, two very high-intensity sports, to help lower my energy levels, and because my mom has mild depression and she knows that exercise does help. Skip to middle school, my mom tells me I'm being bullied at church. It's not that I wasn't observing my surroundings I knew I was being excluded, but I didn't understand vindictive behavior, I thought it was my fault. I had zero friends in 8th grade until I sat down next to a random acqutaince I had gone to school with since I was 4 and the same gymnastics place. Then we were immediately attached at the hip after that. She is my best friend due this day and definitely got me through high school. Led me through so many social situations without either of us knowing. I had a very close friendgroup in highschool, all of them were on the drumline which I met through my best friend, and my first boyfriend was my best friend's neighbor. I ended up playing bass guitar for my high school's indoor drumline, and it was the best experience ever. I love my friends, but I had really bad depression when I was 15-now:) jk It's better. I didn't really realize I was depressed, I just didn't want to go to school, or swim practice, or do anything so of course, my mom noticed, and then once it was pointed out to me it got worse. My severe anxiety spiraled with my depression. Senior year of high school, my boyfriend and I were like toxic star crossed lovers, hurting each other over and over again without meaning to. My friends and I were self harming, all my close friends gad some demon going on. I finally decided to try therapy again after the disaster of being forced to go when I was 15 and the lady told me I wasn't depressed because I had a boyfriend and good grades. It helped a bit, I was able to get my panic attacks under control. Then I went away to college and stayed dating my senior high school boyfriend, we were just up and down as always, but with slightly better communication. My freshman year of college I joined a fraternity, a research lab, and my first hs boyfriend/ex/best friend and I went to a Christian campus place. By second semester, I had a lot of people who knew me and talked to me, but I didn't have any close friends, and even less close friends who were girls. All my close friends who were girls were at another college. My parents were worried about me, so they made me rush a sorority, which I knew was never my scene, but my parents made me join and I found a few girls I liked. Soon I was going to 6 classes, fraternity chapter, research lab meetings, christain crash group meetings, soriorty pledge meetings all on every Tuesday. I was different person at each of these events and wore a different mask. I was having what I know now were autistic burnout meltdowns every single day on the phone in my crusty dorm's stairwell. It was not cute. His mental health had always been bad too. Finally I decide I need to try a psychatrist and go back to therapy, and then he broke up with me. Then I made my first close friend, a guy who was in 3 of classes, and I took him to my fraternity's formal, and then coronavirus happened.  Rona kinda saved my grades, and mental health by sending us home event though it did suck. I got on anti-anxiety meds and things went up, but I was still having what I thought were panic attacks, they were austistic meltdowns. My psychiatrist, he's kinda an asshole, he diagnosed me with Obessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. I'll insert definition here: (OCPD) is a personality disorder that's characterized by extreme perfectionism, order, and neatness. People with OCPD will also feel a severe need to impose their own standards on their outside environment.> Basically hr told me I had rules for everything like how everyone drives on the right side of the road, but nobodythinks about it andwhen I broke one of my rules I got depressed, and when wasn't perfect I got depressed, and when I made an A I was relieved not proud. The diagnosis seemed to fit really well, and my therapist and I started working finding my rules, and getting rid of the bad ones, and making the others less harsh. I had thought every once and in a while in my life when I was really upset, what if I'm on the spectrum, because I just felt so hopeless for social interactions and I didn't understand. I always felt like I was a very specific person, but after the ocpd I started thinking more and more, and I saw a tik tok of a girl with lae diagnosed autism basically describing me and ranting about the misogyny. I did more research and I decide, yea I'mm gonna bring it up to mypsychatrist well he's a dick, so he was like um you don't act like sheldon cooper from the Big Bang theory,and I was like wellI just I have always thought I might have adhd like be neureodiverse, and he was like your grade point average in hs was a 97.8%, you're not adhd. I immediately cried, because I can't handle when anyone says anything in a even a slightest stringent tone. I'm baby, I know lmao. It made me angry though because I felt like he just brushed away all of my struggles I had in my whole life. I spent hours researching and typed up a 47 page document on evidence for why I was on the spectrum, and had my parents help will some of checklists to make sure I was getting outside perspectives. I rally my parents to be my back up and next psychiatrist appointment we actually talk about it and he asked my parents questions about when I was young and such and finally he was okay you're on the spectrum. I felt so validated and like I could start being myself. I slowly got more and more confident, changed my style of clothing, and researched more about adhd pushed to be tested, and oh look at that I also have ADHD. So basically discourse: "I feel like as a child I coded a machine to do life for me so I didn’t get bothered except I didn’t know about the machine I thought i was the machine and now I’ve become self aware and I have to learn how to read the code and rewrite the code because it’s dysfunctional because I’m not functioning well as a human being. I was really shy as a child. I would turn beat red when people talked to me or looked at me so I think I started cookie cutting situations and using them over and over again because they worked until I accidentally hard wired these expansion rules and expectations for myself. I didn’t may attention is class ever I just day dreamed and if I got good grades i wouldn’t be bothered i could just stay in my head and if I did my sport well my parents didn’t bother me. I was never asked if I did my homework I just did it so I wouldn’t be asked and have to deal with that situation. I would cookie cutter situations in class that would draw the least attention to myself.

I feel like i don’t have friends I just fulfill the expectation like a side quest on video games" I wrote this down pre autism confirmation when i just thought I had ocpd. Now I don't directly identify with ocpd, but I definitely think I developed that personality disorder a bit from living with undiagnosed autism. I am linking below the very informative Tik Toks by the lovely Paige on autism in girls. The imposter syndrome one really hit home. I had had so many panic attacks about thinking I tricked people into being my friend, or thinking I was smart.

I highly suggest watching these short tik toks, you'll definitely learn something

https://vm.tiktok.com/wVvcYA/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqRRUf/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnqhvX/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wqeyYg/

https://vm.tiktok.com/wnoE7u/

https://vm.tiktok.com/Kas6gB/

https://vm.tiktok.com/owM9hs/

Imposter syndrome

I am also linking an article about Sheldon Cooper from Big Bang Theory and Autism that explains why my psychiatrist was wrong, and also I am a girl and the spectrum is called a spectrum because it's a fucking spectrum no two autistic people are exactly the same it's like a color wheel.

http://www.autismsupportnetwork.com/news/problem-sheldon-cooper-and-cute-autism-387783

Here is a fun comic about the spectrum and how to view it.

https://the-art-of-autism.com/understanding-the-spectrum-a-comic-strip-explanation/

I am still learning about myself, and how to be me, and how to be myself but without breaking bad social rules. It's quite humorous though because I'll learn something is related to autism and I'm like oh shit again, like still, like, we're still discovering things.

"Tu ne me manques pas"

Bis später,

Astoria.

[tazzykiki]

I’m tired, angry and bored so here we go! A messy list of fucked up Public School Things that may or may not be a universal experience:

The Lunches were a mix of good and horrible:

I was usually fine with the lunches because they were pretty decent and, like, yay food! But looking back they were just, so wrong????

Like in my middle school lunches AND breakfast were a mess. I got food poisoning like once or twice from the breakfast and the lunch was pitiful. At one point they just stopped cooking the pasta and left a bunch of uncooked, powdery noodles in a plastic box like anyone was gonna grab them and be like “mm yes! my favorite! hard noodles!”. Like what the actual fuck.

The pizza was also in a box, none of the toppings were labeled so it was a gamble on what type you would get, and most of the time they were burnt. In HS the pizza was fine but it tasted fake as hell and I’m pretty sure they just took some rubber and put cheese on it.  

My HS lunches were better but even then it was just, really concerning how limited and odd the food was. Luckily we didn’t have to pay except for like cookies and stuff smaller than your hand that costs like $2 cuz they want to “promote healthiness” despite feeding us what is basically prison food.

The class sizes were horrifying: I’m sorry but what person can teach 30+ rowdy kids and be perfectly fine??? Not to mention this was the norm the whole day! Imagine grading all those papers, keeping track of every student, and making sure they all shut up long enough to teach. And that’s just for the teachers who actually care.

Like a class size should be a max of 20 with a few exceptions. Do you know how stressful it is for everyone involved? Not to mention, 30 kids was considered SMALL!! Some classes had 40, even 50 STUDENTS!!!! WHAT THE FUCK.

We never had enough books, or supplies, or anything. Usually by the half point of the year, half the books would be missing or destroyed and it was a mess. In HS the Drama and Music teachers had to deal with like, one class of 10-20, and then like 5 classes of 40-50(all mixed grades too). And you know what’s even more fucked up? There was only one of each teacher.

There was one drama teacher. Who btw deserves the world and legit cares about her job and students. I honestly hope she quit and went somewhere better. She had to put up with 40+ screaming kids, grade all of those assignments, deal with insult and harassment(she was plus-sized and white. So she couldn’t talk back, would get insulted, and more.The only white people allowed to be sassy in that school were funny white men that were laid back), and had barely enough supplies to get by.

There was one music teacher. Who also deserves the world and legit cares about her job and students. She had to deal with 40-50, almost 60+, kids. The majority of them being sophomores and freshman, with bits of seniors and juniors. She taught music, taught band, and organized events and performances. She is, I believe, the first and only music teacher in that school and that’s just so fucked up. Like imagine being one person and having to manage hundreds of students like that.

There was only one digital arts teacher but I have no idea what they did since you can’t choose what class you attend. I just know it was constantly crowded, never really applauded, and they weren’t involved in a lot of things.

Oh yes how could I forget the art teacher! Yeah no there was no art class that involved drawing and painting. Apparently that class was scrapped years ago and has now turned into a JROTC locker! :D Speaking of JROTC:

JROTC and Sports had too much support and that’s a serious problem:

Hey maybe it’s because I’m an art kid and I hate exercising(because every attempt to do so was met with laughter, humiliation, and the ridicule of my body even though I can’t control how my body grows and changes), but man did JROTC and sports(specifically football) have way too much attention.

We had not one, not two, but FOUR ENTIRE JROTC CLASSES! Classes training you to be in the military, specifically Air Force. Classes you HAD to take unless you wanted to be in gym(never had the class but from what I’ve heard, there were about 50-70 kids, mostly male, filling up that class and they didn’t do anything but play ball or whatever. All of course, taught by one guy).

Somehow this program had enough support for uniforms, 4 different classrooms, supplies, several teachers(all of whom were in the military at one point[they were chill except for the freshman teacher who called you a whiny baby for being in pain]), and more. 

Not to mention, every so often military people would come by with pretty pamphlets and fun little strength tests and have kids to sign up to newsletters and shit and ask them to join the military when they graduate so they can get free college and happy fun times!! :D

Football was given way too much attention, even over the other sports, and I absolutely hate it. Every month was about  football, football, football. So much money went into football, so much support went into football. Yeah yeah yeah follow your dreams or whatever the fuck they tell you on Disney Channel, but there was too much support on this one sport that involved kids breaking their heads open. 

Please please give me ONE valid reason why this irritating-ass sport had so much attention while art students, craft students, theater students, music students, students who want to work in literally any other field that doesn’t involve science or sports had to fucking scrape every tiny little chance they could from the crumbs that were left behind. PLEASE tell me why I had to join a completely different program that was hella exclusive and restricted to Juniors and Seniors that had a certain skill-level just to have a proper arts class while football players got a cool fancy bus, a shit ton of gear, and praise every single day(seriously their pictures and trophies were everywhere). 

Why is it that they get scholarships and full rides for throwing a ball around and bashing their brains open while I had to fucking destroy my hand and scramble around for some shit like $200 which I wouldn’t even get because I don’t have the skill to paint the mona lisa or whatever. Anywayyyy~

Hey what the fuck was up with the rules? Sorry kids but if you’re reading this, everything they tell you on tv about high school is a lie. Unless you watched the Dora the Explorer movie, then that was actually pretty accurate.

Hey is it weird we had metal detectors and legit police officers(who were armed) in our school? Is it weird that we had to wear plastic, see-through book-bags, that weren’t even given to us for free and were so weak that they had to get rid of that rule because they would break after like 2 months? Is it weird we were all stuffed into a nasty, sticky, pest-ridden, staircase right in front of the main doors in the morning because we weren’t allowed all the way inside for whatever reason unless it was for a club(i.e. sports)? Is it weird that we were all trapped in the lunch room by security guards because they didn’t want kids roaming the halls even though they already did? Is it weird we weren’t allowed to go to the bathroom and were always told “you should’ve went your last class” when your last class didn’t let you? Is it weird we weren’t allowed to use the bathroom and were always told that “you should’ve went during the transition time” even though the transition time was only 4 minutes and the hallways were so crowded that it’d be time for class by the time you’d get there?

Is it weird that when we were allowed to use the bathroom, all of the bathrooms were locked and only one on the other side of the school was open, and the majority of the stalls were broken? And they kept the bathrooms locked, even after school, because they didn’t want kids skipping class even though they still did?

Is it weird that if you didn’t have a belt(if you were male), or a part of your uniform, you would be prevented from going to class if there were no more temporary uniforms?

Is it weird that if one kid did something bad, the entire class would be punished and class time would be wasted and the point of punishment would be lost because the teacher wanted a taste of power or whatever?(hey one time in 8th grade, both classes had to stand in one long ass line for about half an hour because someone was talking and it was treated like it was a joke. this took up our breakfast time too)

Other Shit: One time my HS got like $20,000 and instead of using it to fix at least one thing, they wasted it on useless flatscreen tv’s and SAT “tutors” that taught us 3rd grade english & math, how to annotate(I swear to fucking god one more person try and teach me how to underline a motherfucking sentence---) and did absolutely nothing to help us. Meanwhile the football players were living like kings.

We had a strange assortment of teachers, ya’ll know about my junior and senior english teacher. But did I ever tell you about the freshman JROTC instructor? She was so much fun~ I remember one time!!! ooh this is a good one :DDDD!!!! that I was in so muuuuuch pain that I was crying and couldn’t move! and guess what!!!!???? ooh! ooh! guess! She called me a whiny baby and said I was overreacting!!!! omg? She was so right tho, I was totally overreacting to being in immense, insufferable, pain that no one even attempted to be concerned about~~ 

Oh here’s another good one: I used to cry a lot! It was horribly embarrassing and not fun~ I was either sick, on my period(which according to the multiple doctors I had to be rushed to, was normal and the intense pain was hereditary), or having an emotional breakdown~ This lasted from 5th grade to Senior Year of HS! :D

One time I was in a lot of pain, 7th grade I believe, and cried for a whole hour straight. What did my teacher do? Have me sit in class while everyone went to like social studies or whatever, talked with some teachers, and then complained about how I “cried and cried and cried for an hour straight” with no concern whatsoever. BTW the nurse was never there and even then she was kinda useless.

Don’t even get me started on the several times I was on my period and was actually screaming in pain and was still looked down on because a student screaming and hollering in pain is no cause for concern obviously~ Really surprising how a lot of the male teachers and staff were more concerned then the female ones, especially the science teacher who has a uterus, has multiple daughters, and the audacity to say I’m ~overreacting~. I’m so happy our teachers and schools have our priorities in order.

Note: If you’re horrified by this. Good. You should be.

More misc things: My HS had a shit ton of roaches, water bugs, and whatever those long disgusting things that walk around on the walls and fall off once you see them. Art meant nothing to them. Teacher sanity meant nothing, student sanity meant nothing. The principal was great and I blame whoever’s “funding” schools and working behind the scenes.  I know this was more about personal stuff, but like a lot of things like large classes, lack of supplies, lack of empathy from teachers, constant pests, horrible food, stupid rules that hurt us more than helped, really weird exposure to cops and military, and too much focus on one subject is super common in public schools and I really really want it to stop.

[rpeters]

hi its anna again and im finally feeling a hell of a lot better!! here's my trash son once again! his pinterest is here! under the cut is a bit about him! i would absolutely love some new connections for him! 

tw: death, drugs, & overdose.

(JOE KEERY, CIS MALE) - Have you seen THEODORE REID PETERS? REID is in SOPHOMORE year. The TRAVEL AND HOSPITALITY MAJOR is 22 years old & is a GEMINI. People say HE is INTELLIGENT, OUTGOING, CHILDISH and QUICK-TEMPERED. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that HE WITNESSED HIS EX GIRLFRIEND OVERDOSE AND FLED AFTER CALLING 911 .

growing up, reid and henry were always side by side. you would never find one without the other. it was like they were each other’s built in best friend. in fact, after their mother died, the two were practically shipped off to stay with their grandpa and aunt and the two were still as close as could be until their thirteenth birthday came around. the peters’ father decided that it was time for reid to stop acting like a child and it was time for him to prepare to become the heir of his precious wine company. so, reid had to go home alone without henry for once. time went on and reid had to grow up and as he had to quickly grow up, he and henry seemed to drift apart. he never wanted that though. he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to take over the company anyway. he was still a teenager. he had his whole life ahead of him. why’d he have to choose now?

since he had to grow up so fast, there was a lot of secrets that took place with reid. he didn’t have ‘time’ for friends according to his father and so reid became and felt completely alone. success became this huge dark looming thing in the corner with so many pressures that he never wanted to think about. feeling empty and alone with it just being him, his father, and his father’s company, reid turned to alcohol and sex. he tried anything to try to fill the emptiness. he began to experiment and try to find who he truly was. he finally started to make time for friends and do what he wanted behind his father’s back. his goofy (stupid) personality began to come out and somehow, he landed who he thought was the girl of his dreams—julie. long story short, the two dated for two years (his senor year of hs and freshman year of college) with little to no problems before things started to go south. one night he basically walked in while she was overdosing, freaked out and called 911 and fled out of straight fear. she didn’t make it and it’s been fucking with him that he didn’t stay with her. he’s.. definitely got like constant nightmares. after all of that happened, he really doesn’t want to take over the company. he just wants to live his life and try to get as back to normal as he can.

personality wise, he’s just your goofy, fun, loving guy who’s actually a sad boi tm. always down to do anything, he just really loves company. sk8er boi. alien and outer space obsessed. like... loves the stars.  has a band!!! v bi!! hates to live by society’s norms.   i recommend taking a look at his pinterest board for inspo!

connections:

best friend/ride or die

sibling like connection

i would love a friend that he's had since childhood??

family of julie ?!?!

bandmates?!

exes

maybe a crush and reid is oblivious to it all?

um some soft connections.. bc im a sucker for it 

[thejoeisthejoe]

Memories

I know I joke all the time about “growing up” with Hardy Boys but in reality I did. I found them the same time I found Robin from Batman and they were my life for a good chunk of growing up. (so around 7-8yrs? 8-9yrs? somewhere around there XD)

I’d get VHS tapes from the library of mysteries with the boys (and all the books I could carry without falling over (so about 15-20 at a time) to the desk) and I’d read NON stop all the mysteries I could get my hands on and during each book I’d watch Shaun and Parker as the Hardy Boys. 

In between that I’d watch Batman and merge the two worlds together. 

It was weird, the late 60s-70s became a second “home” to me. I identified those decades as a place of comfort when things were going wrong in life. 

Annnnnd it still is. ^__^ I don’t really view it as “tacky” decoration, its always “hey look its home...” and I just want to curl up on the couch. That and I always tried to dress like Dick Grayson or Joe Hardy. XD I remember during my freshman year of HS the 70s came back and I was SO happy....I actually matched Joe/Shaun outfit for outfit for a few years and was very proud. 

But during college I decided to try and capture that feeling with the Hardy Boys and how they literally felt like older brothers to me. 

This is what I came up with using anime references I had found. I’m super proud of this art and I usually don’t try to over share the process but this drawing means a lot to me. ^ ^

Enjoy! 

[xfanfics]

Destiel Fic Rec List Part 5

Last Updated in October 2014. Posted in May 2020 for posterity.  Listed in no particular order - the total rec list will have ~250 fics. Header graphic used with permission.

This part of the list contains: 32 fics.

Other Destiel Rec Lists: [1]. [2]. [3]. [4]. [5]. [6]. [7].

 _____

Casturbatus Interruptus by gaugbrojotr E | 6k | Canon!verse, Hot, , PWP

post-9.01, in a slight AU wherein Cas comes to live with the Winchesters at the Bunker. Written before 9.03. Crossposting from Tumblr. Written for a prompt from hightopsandsharpies: "Okay, so Cas is a virgin, and has no idea what pleasure is and Dean decides to show him and Cas gets all cuddly and needy afterwards. Dean walks in on Cas masturbating. He’s doing it all wrong, but when you’re a bazillion-year-old virgin, that’s to be expected. Dean decides to lend him a hand in a totally platonic, non-romantic way. Things get a little out of control.

 that awkward moment when... by highermagic E | 7k | Hot, wing!Kink

All in all, with a full tank of gas and his radio turned up loud, Dean was in a pretty damn good mood. All that vanished into shock and concern when the sky lit up like daylight, as though someone had decided that black was so passé for nighttime.

 This Temporary Flesh and Bone by misachan E | 5k | Canon!verse, h/c, wing!kink

Castiel doesn't serve Dean, fine, Dean has no problem with that - he just wants to know why Castiel's showing up in his dreams again.

What a fabulous little Fic. Very emotional. S4 cas is my FAVORITE.

 Only Fools Rush In by baka_sensei E | 18k | Canon!verse, soulbond

Dean does something and in angelic tradition that means he's become Castiel's fiancé. Dean doesn't know if he wants to get married, but he doesn't want to let Castiel down either. Cas lets his feelings run away with him, Gabe is a total dick, Sam is concerned, and Dean has to make a choice.

 Learning Curve by blualbino T | 1k | Fluff, Canon!verse

Cas has nice lips. They’re soft looking. Plush even. Dean can do this.

 Dinner At Katz's by nanoochka E | 2k | Hot, canon!verse

Dean might have to teach Cas how to have a When Harry Met Sally-esque orgasm, but he certainly doesn’t have to fake it.

 Free With His Hands by watermaline E | 2k | canon!verse, handprint!kink

The first time it happens, Dean chalks it up to…well, he doesn’t chalk it up to anything, he’s too busy coming his brains out in his jeans with Castiel’s hand on his shoulder.

 Desecrate that Sanctuary by brokentoy E | 3k | Hot, Alt!Canon Verse

Dean develops a fascination with Cas' bones.

 What Once Was Sacred by saltandbyrne E | 55k |  Hot,  AU, Cop Dean, DJ Cas

Los Angeles detective Dean Winchester works tirelessly to atone for the sins of his father one case at a time. When his best friend Charlie drags him to visit Sam at his new job, Dean stumbles onto a bizarre string of deaths that brings him uncomfortably close to his past.Dean can't stop thinking about Castiel, an enigmatic DJ who plays the sexiest music Dean's ever heard. A chance encounter at Castiel's house reveals that Castiel is an incubus, and Dean must face the lies and the reality of his childhood as a hunter. Dean comes to see that he and Castiel have more in common than he thought, and that guilt can be the hardest thing to cast aside.

Freefall by LastKnownWriter E | 128k | Hot, Fluff,  AU, Teacher Dean, Firefighter Cas

AU. The most exciting kindergarten teacher Dean Winchester's life ever gets is when he plays mechanic in his uncle Bobby's shop on the weekends. That is until a birthday party goes tequila-nova and he trips into a one-night stand with an incredibly hot firefighter named Castiel. Dean's life gets a lot more exciting after that.

 The Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass ❤ by ireallyhatecornnuts E | 110k | Hot,  Fluff,  HS AU but not really,

AU after Season 8, episode 6, "Southern Comfort." Dean goes to sleep in a motel room in Texarkana, and he wakes up 17 years old, in his childhood bedroom in Lawrence, Kansas, 1996. He has no idea how he got there, why his parents are still alive, why his brother is an adorable freshman with no memory of his adult life, and why the only ally he has in this place is the angel he left behind in Purgatory – somehow also 17 years old. They have to get out, that's the important thing. Only, falling in love with his angel wasn't a part of the plan....

It's like a HS AU... but better! I love how Dean is given a second chance at growing up, and Cas gets to engage with his humanity is painfully familiar ways. Some homophobia from non-central characters.    

 deus ex nihilo by Valyria E | 7k | AU, dubcon, god cas

Lost on an uncharted island, Dean Winchester is captured by the local villagers and offered up as a sacrifice to their winged god. Castiel takes one look at Dean and decides he wants him for a mate.

 Twist and Shout ❤ by gabriel E | 97k | Angst,  AU, Main Character Death

What begins as a transforming love between Dean Winchester and Castiel Novak in the summer of 1965 quickly derails into something far more tumultuous when Dean is drafted in the Vietnam War. Though the two both voice their relationship is one where saying goodbye is never a real truth, their story becomes fraught with the tragedy of circumstance. In an era where homosexuality was especially vulnerable, Twist and Shout is the story of the love transcending time, returning over and over in its many forms, as faithful as the sea.

Do I really need to say anything? Twist and Shout is one of my favorites simply because it made me bawl. Didn't love the characterization, but I still liked it overall.

Carry On ❤ by TamrynEradani E | 148k | Hot,  AU, Sub!dean, Dom!Cas

 When Sam gets into Stanford, Dean needs a bigger paycheck than Bobby's garage can give him. Luckily, he knows a guy.

Forget 50 Shades of Grey, they should make this fic into a movie! Even if you are not a fan of Sub!Dean, give this fic a shot, because it is nearly perfect.    

Glasses by Samanthapin E | 9k | Fluff, High School AU, punk!cas, nerd!dean

Teasing turns flirting turns dating turns grossly soppy boyfriends

 beer and bacon happy hour by outpastthemoat G | 2k | canon!verse, s8

The problem is that Dean’s been having good ideas all night. “No one insults the trenchcoat,” Dean says, and drives his fist into the other dude’s face. Dean figures he was bound to run out of good ideas eventually.

 Hard Road ❤ by aleishapotter E | 54k | Canon!verse

Dean discovers a few truths about himself when he and Cas are forced to go undercover on a hunt to the very last place Dean ever thought he'd find himself: a gay resort called "Last Hope" that is geared towards helping troubled homosexual couples repair their relationships. This fic is hilarious and hot--my favorite things.  

 Dean Smith Verse by TamrynEradani E | 17k | Hot,  BDSM, AU, Sub!Dean

Dean Smith is a man of routine. Castiel takes him apart.

Bratishka: Little Brother by Valyria E | 33k | Cop AU, Cop Dean, Lawyer Cas

Dean thinks he knows pretty much everything there is to know about his best friend Castiel Novak - he's a smart, gorgeous DA who probably lets Dean get away with more than he should to see the bad guy locked up - but it turns out Cas is hiding some dark family secrets.

 the way to a man's heart by mkhunterz M | 15k | Fluff,  Canon!verse

Dean teaches Cas to cook, and other things as well.

 Branded by garrisonbabe E | 12k | | canon!verse, soul bond, marking/claiming

Michael mocked Castiel, telling him he'd never get Dean the way he truly wanted. No matter the mark on Dean's soul, he'd never get him the way the archangel could take him. Dean finds a ritual that fixes that and a few other issues.

 Our Bodies, Posessed by Light by obstinatrix E | 39k | canon!verse, sastiel bromance, Fluff

Purged of all his souls, Castiel is a changed being, stronger than an angel and too powerful for Jimmy's body to contain. Happily, there's an archangel's vessel on hand, and he could use fixing, too. Dean isn't too happy about the idea of his brother acting as a vessel for Castiel, and Sam can guess why, but it isn't until Castiel gets inside his head and they learn to share the vessel -- and their thoughts -- that Sam realises Cas is as in love with Dean as Dean is with him. It's unfortunate that there's nothing much to be done about it now, but Castiel will get another vessel soon. The Winchesters will make damn sure of that. In the meantime, it's up to the three of them to establish their own strange accord, and Dean realises more fully than ever that it's Castiel, and not his vessel, that he loves.

 So Glad We Made It  ❤by scaramouche M | 16k | Fluff,  AU

At twelve years old, Dean makes a friend, who becomes his best friend, who will eventually become the love of his life.    

Oh, the best friends who grow up together AU. I have a soft spot for fics like these-- comes with pining, awkward misunderstandings, and a good basis for a realistic relationship.

 Shut Up (Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is) ❤ by kototyph E | 23k | Fluff,  college au

Dean's done some pretty stupid things, but getting drunk-hitched in Vegas to a colleague he barely knows might just take the cake. His surprise husband, Castiel, is a little weird but likable despite that, and Dean figures they’ll go back to Boston, get a quiet annulment, and go their separate ways. Six weeks later, he’s still married to one of the strangest, most genuine and definitely most dangerously lov-- likable guys he's ever known. Dean doesn't know why or really even how it’s happening, but it’s getting harder and harder to remember that he has divorce papers to file.

FLUFF EVERYWHERE! This is definitely a feel-good fic and I love reading it when I'm sad. Or just you know, whenever.

 But the Fire is So Delightful by kototyph E | 5k | Hot, hate then love, College AU

Apparently, it’s been snowing all day. [Dean is a Douchebag Fratboy with a Cherry Ass, Castiel is Angry and Aroused]

 Stitches by askance T | 23k |  Fluff, h/c, blindness, Canon!verse

Castiel survived Leviathan--but only barely. Vessel mauled and eyes destroyed, Cas is barely clinging to what's left of his grace when Dean finds him naked and alone on the reservoir's edge; in a panic, Dean brings him home to the cabin where he and Sam have been holed up off the grid. What follows is the slow process of the angel's recovery and the unexpected changes that come with his being blind, and in the three months this takes, their little family slowly begins to patch itself back together in forgiveness, love, and darkness.

 When Charlie Met Cas by riseofthefallenone E | 25k | Fluff,  canon!verse

Charlie is back in all her glory. The Winchesters have showed up on her doorstep and she’s making the best of it the only way she knows how. By being the little sister Dean never wanted and shipping the shit out of Destiel.

The Life After the Morning After by saltyfeathers T | 17k

Dean and Cas get uber drunk on their last day of University. They end up married. Neither of them seem to mind.

The Girlfriend Experience ❤ by Rageprufrock E | 15k | Hot,  Canon!Verse, First time

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

Classic Casturbation fic. Complete with steamy sexytimes, hilarious dialogue, and fed up and clueless Dean. Perfect.    

Hands, From Which All Things Are Built by MajorEnglishEsquire T | 14k | Canon!Verse, s8

Castiel travels with the angel tablet and without the Winchesters. One day, Dean gets a text from some anonymous number. (They speak in the language of need.)

Cowboys and Real Estate Angels by almaasi E | 36k | AU

Castiel crosses paths with the ever-charming Dean Winchester at a rodeo show in Texas, of all places. Dean's singing days are long bygone, but his crowd-pleasing skills haven't waned one iota. Unexpectedly, Castiel finds himself in Dean's bedroom; they take and they give, and discover that sometimes strangers can find love like this, too. (And if a man's faith can't be put in God, it needs to go somewhere...)