#i saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a toaster oven some guy was selling it....

[swagmaxxer]

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time; it's detachable

(Detachable penis)

This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was; they hadn't seen it either I asked them to check the medicine cabinet, 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes, but not this time. So, I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long; it makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak

After a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed. So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it--I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen

I took it home, washed it off and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know--even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis

(Detachable penis)

can you take it off and straiht upjorkin it in the stripped club

[pinkfey]

i woke up this morning with a bad hangover and my penis was missing again. this happens all the time—it's detachable. this comes in handy a lot of the time. i can leave it home when i think it's gonna get me in trouble or i can rent it out when i don't need it. but now and then i go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning i can't for the life of me remember what i did with it. first i looked around my apartment and i couldn't find it, so i called up the place where the party was. they hadn't seen it either. i asked them to check the medicine cabinet because, for some reason, i leave it there sometimes. but not this time. so i told them if it pops up to let me know. i called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. i was starting to get desperate. i really don't like being without my penis for too long. it makes me feel like less of a man and i really hate having to sit down every time i take a leak. after a few hours of searching the house and calling everyone i could think of, i was starting to get very depressed, so i went to the kiev and ate breakfast. then, as i walked down second avenue towards st. mark's place where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, i saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. some guy was selling it. i had to buy it off him. he wanted twenty-two bucks, but i talked him down to seventeen. i took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. i was happy again. complete. people sometimes tell me i should get it permanently attached, but i don't know. even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, i like having a detachable penis.

[itsinmyear]

I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.

well folks, it happened. my dick fell clean off of my mons pubis and into da donation plate. when i tried to discreetly slip it back into my pocket, a small bird swooped by and swiftly collected it in its beak. while the camera was following close behind him, the seasons change but he remains in the center of the shot.

[jackcult]

(repost because I forgot to say these are lyrics and a inside joke)

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover

And my penis was missing again.

This happens all the time.

It's detachable.

This comes in handy a lot of the time.

I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble,

Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it.

But now and then I go to a party, get drunk,

And the next morning I can't for the life of me

Remember what I did with it.

First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it.

So I called up the place where the party was,

They hadn't seen it either.

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet

'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes

But not this time.

So I told them if it pops up to let me know.

I called a few people who were at the party,

But they were no help either.

I was starting to get desperate.

I really don't like being without my penis for too long.

It makes me feel like less of a man,

And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.

After a few hours of searching the house,

And calling everyone I could think of,

I was starting to get very depressed,

So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast.

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place,

Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street,

I saw my penis lying on a blanket

Next to a broken toaster oven.

Some guy was selling it.

I had to buy it off him.

He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.

I took it home, washed it off,

And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached,

But I don't know.

Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass,

I like having a detachable penis.

/ly /ij

[vaspider]

@vaginabooger the nature of the universe is that every so often someone reinvents the lyrics to the seminal 1992 King Missile song "Detachable Penis"

So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen.

Detachable junk sounds good in theory, but I can't help but feel that the plug-and-play approach is just asking for trouble. Forget about USB compatibility – I want something mounted on a threaded rod that I have to spend several minutes turning into place, and it makes an obtrusive squeaka-squeaka-squeaka noise the whole time because I'm a dumbass and forgot to lubricate it. I want something that needs to be seated and secured like the parallel data cable from a 1950s computer. I want something where removing it requires disengaging a series of four interlocking mechanical toggles, and I want each of those toggles to go ka-chunk.