#i saw it in an exhibiton in 2014? maybe? and it has stayed with me since | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

problemeule · 3 years

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i want to write but i don’t want to write hrng

i have this Idea for a fic in my head-- no specific plot, just the overarching Things and Themes(?) I’d like to incorporate. so now i’m writing this post instead to try and at least have some stuff of it written down before it disappears forever.

okay so this will be more of a rant than anything else lol! it’s edgeworth/phoenix because these lawyers live in my brain rent free. i’m not even 100% sure of when i want it to be set-- either during the 7yg or after Phoenix has retaken the bar, but before dual destinies? anyway. all i really have is ~vibes~. inevitability, or Phoenix and Miles orbit each other, growing closer and drifting apart over and over and over again, until the inevitable collision. helplessness and hopelessness, and how to claw your way out of the abyss and live with yourself after. is being in love enough? (mis)communication.

#yes i have been listening to alt-j's breezeblocks and the neighborhood's fallen star #please don't go i love you so please break my heart #Further apart the closer that we are I'll keep you far away from me like a star Hard not to fall for you I gave you all my heart #Tryna find the right time to tell you what you might not like to hear #You're always in my brain and I take the blame No matter who's wrong or right I'm on a one-way train headed far away but you're still on my #mind #fallen star is one of my top songs for this ship ngl. probably the 1 song #i just want to write a fic that makes me feel like #gerhard richter's gray series #i saw it in an exhibiton in 2014? maybe? and it has stayed with me since #these eight gray canvases in an otherwise empty room..... many feelings many emotions #because on the one hand it's gray right? this uniform boring color.#all of them are the same shade. there's some variation in texture.#BUT gray is also what you get when you mix the vibrant primary colors. so it'S nothing and everythig at the same time and ugh #i lack the words to express the range of emotions it makes me feel #sadness and melancholy and defeat. grief. hope. wishing for what never was and never will be. missing the past.#knowing that i am the sum of all my experiences. good and bad.#someone might look at it or at me and see a blank gray canvas #and the'yd never know what vibrant multitude of colors i contain #the fic that has come closest is griffonage's the long way home.#love that one to bits. it shaped a lot of how i view phoenix and miles- their jagged edges that hurt and also fit togehter like puzzle piece #s #i want to write fic so badly but i can't bear to do it imperfectly #and it would require so much painting with words that i don't know how to do anymore #and i don't even want to start actually writing it down because i just know that having started something and never finishing it will make #me feel worse than never starting at all #and the only fic i've finished in my life has been the odd oneshot. like three of them max.#ten years ago.#ughdskfjgsödklgj rip

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