#i said i was broke and landlord was like “yeah i get that i'm in the same place” No the fuck you are not lmao. you have a house

[californiaquail]

just got trapped in conversation (strong word) with my landlord and her sister and it was normal for about a minute and a half and then they fully started preaching at me for probably the better part of ten minutes and then they asked what i was going to do this afternoon and i said oh i'm going to try and see a movie and they're like what movie and i was like. the new alien. 🧍🏻 then they called the alien movies "gore" which is not correct but tracks for people who think it's fine and normal to preach at people they just met for ten minutes

[echo]

this is a response to @anarcho-yorpism's tag for me in this post. i'm not directly rbing bc that post is long and it has a lot going on in the notes.

anyway please note all of my responses here are my own, and not representative of Staff or tumblr. i am not T&S and have zero power to make any moderation decisions here.

with that disclaimer:

Predstrogen received a message from Tumblr saying she was banned for "sexual content". If she was not, why was she told this, why were her transition photos removed, and why has she still not been told the actual reason? (I understand not making it public, but it is your policy to tell the user) If she was, what was this sexual content, if not her transition timeline?

i can't really directly answer this for few reasons. firstly, i feel that staff shouldn't talk about her anymore bc i feel this continued controversy will only attract more harassment for her on other platforms.

secondly, as a low-level staffer talking about moderation decisions can get me, y'know, fired. i'd prefer not to do that.

also just like... i want to avoid getting into a narrative of "well she did bad things so she deserves it" or whatever. idc if she broke the rules or not, she didn't deserve what happened.

i know this isn't terribly satisfying to hear, but i'd like to be honest about why i'm not saying more at least.

If you can't answerblegal questions, ignore this question: The NYCLU settlement agreed that Tumblr would fix its moderation so it targeted transfem users less. Why has there been no comment on the settlement and actions taken since? There could genuinely be a large legal case against Tumblr after this, and I love this site and don't want that to happen. Also, wasn't it illegal under GDPR to release her usernames?

i'm not able to answer legal questions. i don't know the exact text of the agreement, but it mostly boiled down to some training and stuff from my personal experience there.

however not as a staffer but as NYC trans human: i would not put a ton of faith in the NYCCHR. they have some noble goals but they are a chronically underfunded city agency that in practice does very little to curb real-world violence against marginalized people. i tried to use them myself when my landlord was kicking me out right after i had surgery and they didn't even get back to me until months after everything resolved. nobody i know in the community out here has been helped by them off the top of my head.

i have sincere doubts in relying on the state to help people here.

A lot of transfem users don't like vague language like "prioritize", especially given point 2 and Matt's statement that improving moderation was not on the agenda. I understand you can't reveal company secrets in an already risky post, but we would like to see the specific actions taken after this, given a lot of broken trust by what @\photomatt has said. Are any of the trans women banned recently for "sexual content" going to have their accounts restored?

i don't know. i'm pushing internally for at least a review of everyone suspended to see if the less egregious stuff can be reversed. but like i said, i don't have a ton of power as i'm not in charge of anything.

and yeah, "prioritize" is vague corpo-speak. i know some stuff is shifting internally and what we said does match what is happening inside. but also... i've been disappointed before.

i can say i'm tentatively optimistic. people are responding seriously, and being asked our opinions for once is pretty nice. but also, systemic stuff is hard. i trust in my fellow workers and i'll continue to fight until i can't anymore.

so... yeah. i genuinely wish i can be more informative here, but what we wrote (and i want to emphasize we here, it was not just me by any stretch!!) is what we can say in an official capacity.

i'm just frustrated, tired, angry, depressed... and also weirdly hopeful?

[jazzymarie1006]

You know a TMNT Character I wanna see again who hasn't appeared in a LONG time?

Robyn O'Neil, April O'Neil's older sister!

And oh boy does ya girl have IDEAS!!

Appearance

Since April's color is yellow (with green at times) in most of her appearances, I think Robyn's color should be Cherry Blossom Pink (maybe with a bluish green?). That way both sisters can wear light colors.

Hairstyles, only two opinions for now (if you wanna go with Irish-American or African-American). I am opened to more ideas.

Clothes, a couple of casual and formal styles.

Personality

Her original on is "She's an outgoing but somewhat unorganized and irresponsible woman"

Of course I'm changing that!

She's over protective, but it comes across as bossy. She's still out going, but this encourages her to work harder than she needs to.

She's also incredibly brave and daring when she need to get stuff done.

Interests

She has many hobbies. Drawing/Painting, Fashion Designing, Sewing, Cooking, Dancing, Origami, Parkour, Doing Gymnastics, and Martial Arts.

Ninja Weapon of Choice

I can totally see Robyn's weapon being the Su Yari

Story (Warning: ANGST!)

Robyn is April's 16 year old sister (April's 14). It's been just the two of them when Mr and Mrs. O'Neil died when Robyn was 14 and April was 12 after Purple Dragon thugs broke into their home.

Ever since then, Robyn's been taking small job to support the two of them.

Since the Landlord of the Apartment they lived in is good friends with the O'Neil family, they let the two girls stay there, so they won't be separated through foster care.

The Landlord didn't want Robyn to pay rent, but she insisted and hasn't missed a payment yet.

A year after losing their parents, Robyn would go to work after school, unaware that April was making utterly interesting friends.

Of course Robyn would know of April's new friends because she always talks about the five teens and their father.

Not bringing up that that the four boys are mutant turtles, Mr. Hamato's a mutant, and Karai's the only one who is human.

Robyn doesn't meet the Turtles and Karai until she's leaving her job at the local Pizzeria. When Purple Dragon thugs try to mug her.

She able to hold her own again two of them, but that's when the other three try to jump her.

Robyn's shocked when a girl who looks like she could be April's age comes to her aid by jump from the sky and kicking the thug behind her to the ground.

An even bigger surprise came when a human sized turtle with a blue mask also jumps from the sky and takes out the the remaining two.

Robyn can't help but react with shock.

"Oh my god, those sightings of large turtles is actually true!"

"This is my brother Leonardo. And I'm Karai. April's gonna be so glad that you're okay, Robyn."

"You're April's friends?!"

"Well I ruined the surprise. Got anything to say Leo or are you just gonna stare at girl-"

"IT'SNICETOOFFICIALLYMEETYOU!"

Realizing he said that quite loudly, Leo quickly recovered his composure, almost as if he's trying to ask cool.

"We should regroup with the others."

"Are you trying to make your voice sound deeper-"

"Let’s go Karai!"

Robyn manages to stop the two 14 year olds from leaving.

"I'm going with you. My sister's got alot of explaining to do."

"Oh! Okay!"

"They're not that far from us actually."

As the three of them walked, Robyn has been questioning the two.

"So you've known my sister for over a year and this wasn't the first time you've stepped in to help me?"

"Yeah, every night when we go to play basketball, April asks two of us make sure you get home safe."

Robyn couldn't help but sigh.

"Of course she would..."

"Yeah, this was just the first time you've caught us. I'm honestly shocked that I jumped in before Leo considering-"

"Oh look! The others are up ahead!"

After five minutes Robyn, Karai and Leonardo got to April and the other mutant turtles.

"April O'Neil, explain now!"

"I will, but first I see you've met Karai and Leonardo!"

"H-hi..."

"Really Leo? That's all you could come up with?"

"These three are Raphael, Donatello, and Michelangelo,"

"It’s nice to meet you all. Karai told me how you made sure I left work safely, thank you."

"Nice to meet ya."

"I can wait to show you my comic books!"

"Calm down Mikey, don't overwhelm her."

"Well Robyn O'Neil, it is nice to officially meet you."

"Good work Leo, you got a sentence out!"

"Shut up Raph!"

And that's when Robyn O'Neil became a friend and allie of the TMNT along with April.

She often considers it to be better than dealing with High School drama.

Especially when it comes to dealing with her ex boyfriend Colin and the three Dalindas; Akane, Kendra and Taylor.

But she has her friends Angel and Irma there to make it more bearable.

Relationships

Family

April

Robyn loves her little sister very much and is very protective of her. She goes out of her way to work hard and make sure April's able to life comfortably.

April often has to remind Robyn that she has to take care of herself as well.

When April decides to become a Kunoichi, Robyn insists on becoming on too, to be sure she can have April's back no matter the situation.

When April shows interest in journalism, Robyn's of course incredibly supportive.

Friends

Irma and Angel

Irma and Angel have been friends with Robyn ever since the three were little kids.

The two were even there to comfort Robyn and April when they lost their parents.

She couldn't keep the fact that she met the Turtles a secret from the two, especially since it was Irma's sighting photos that made her aware of them in the first place.

Karai

Robyn and Karai are quite close. Karai will often ask Robyn for older sister advice.

When Robyn becomes a Kunoichi, Karai makes sure she's the first to spare with her.

Karai loves it when Robyn makes her outfits.

Karai is often invited to the girls only sleepovers at Robyn and April's place.

Leonardo (Leo)

Leo has a not so secret crush on Robyn. While Robyn is the only person unaware of his feelings, she does respect Leo as a Ninja.

Because of Leo being April's age (two years younger than Robyn), she's very protective of him and the others.

Leo's also quite protective of Robyn as well. Even after she becomes a Kunoichi. She has to call him out when he goes easy on her during sparing sessions.

As a young teen (14-15) Leo's really shy about his crush on Robyn, but as he gets abit older (16-17) he begins to playfully flirt with her.

Some of the many things Leo likes about Robyn are her determination, bravery, kindness, and understanding.

Raphael (Raph)

Robyn and Raph become quite close. When she finds out he's secretly great at knitting, she gets him supplies whenever she can.

Raph is quite a fan of Robyn's artwork. When she finds this out, she draws some pictures for him and encourages him to ask for more if he wants

Raph often vents to Robyn whenever his brothers tease him.

When Raph decides to become Nightwatcher, Robyn's the only one he tells about it.

Donatello (Donnie)

Donnie and Robyn become fast friends quickly due to them both being very hard working.

The two are excited when finding out they have favorite Anime in common.

Robyn often sneaks Donnie into her High School, just cause he wanted to see it.

When Donnie creates the Turtle Tank, he gets Robyn (when she gets her driver's license) to save it, to make sure it isn't crashed. Donnie even makes sure he's the first one Robyn teaches how to drive.

Michelangelo (Mikey)

Robyn gets along quite well with Mikey. When she's stressed, he tries his hardest to make her laugh (and is often successful).

When Mikey loves her cooking, she happily teaches him how to make the dishes himself.

Mikey loves it when Robyn plays video games and reads comic books with him.

The two absolutely adore each other's artwork.

Master Splinter

Robyn respects Splinter very much, he respects her as well for not only taking care of April for as long as she has been, but also becoming a sorta older sister figure to his sons.

When Robyn decides to become a Kunoichi, she encourages Splinter to train her harder than the others because she's older, buy he refuses.

The two often share tea recipes whenever they can.

They even like to make origami flowers together.

Jason (Jase)

Even though Jase's older sister is Kendra (one of the three Dalindas), Robyn has no ill will towards the 14 year old.

When Donnie and Jase develop feelings for each other, she's so supportive and tries to set the two up on little dates they'd be comfortable with.

Mona Lisa

After their first encounter, Robyn and Mona Lisa don't like each other at first due to a fight they had when Mona Lisa came to earth.

Later on Robyn becomes friends with the alien Warrior Princess.

She's quick to notice Mona Lisa and Raph developing crushes on each other.

Renet

When Renet comes from a portal with no way back to her home, Robyn takes her in without a second thought.

Robyn becomes quite close with Renet very quickly.

When Renet comes really close with Mikey, Robyn's over the moon.

Shinigami

When a 14 year old Shinigami was one of Shredder's minions, Robyn aided the Turtles, Karai and April in some of their fights against her. Robyn was quite hesitant to find her at first.

After Shinigami finds out that Shredder was just using her for her magical abilities, she leaves and finds her way to Robyn's place of work and begs her for help.

Robyn quickly takes the young girl in of course.

When Karai and Shinigami begin to develop crushes on each other, Robyn's shipping them so hard!

Casey

Like Shinigami, a then 15 year old Casey was a minion of Shredder's who was often sent out to fight the turtles, Karai, April and Robyn.

When he finds out that Shredder was actually the one who had the Purple Dragons kill his mother and little sister, he obviously betrayed him and left.

Robyn tries find Casey a please to leave, but he refuses her help. While it does like a while to trust him, but when he earns her trust, the two become friends.

When April starts to develop a crush on Casey, Robyn teases her a little, but is also very supportive.

Venus (Vee) & Jennika (Jenn)

Vee and Jenn are mutant turtles of The Shredder's creation. When Robyn sees that Shredder went as far as to create child soldiers, her heart arches for the two small girls.

When the TMNT Team save the twins, Robyn wants to take them in, but knew the two would be better off leaving with the Hamato family.

Enemies

Colin

Despite not dating for that long (2 and a half month during Freshman Year) Robyn and Colin didn't break up on the best terms.

The Shredder

While Robyn is terrified of The Shredder, she will help the TMNT Team fight him whenever she can.

The Purple Dragons

Robyn wanted to avenge her parents by going after the group on her own. Of course, the team manages to talk her outta of it, promising that they will all bring the Purple Dragons to justice.

The Three Dalindas

Due to the Three Dalindas being spoiled with the money the Purple Dragons take from hardworking people, Robyn doesn't like trio very much.

Akane

When there’s a fight involving the Team and Shredder's minions, Robyn often ends up fighting against Akane. Robyn is disgusted by how much Akane worships The Shredder. Every time Robyn bests her in battle, Akane makes sure to glare at her during school hours.

Kendra

Kendra purposefully tries to antagonize Robyn by pretending not to know her name (they've been classmates since middle school), but Robyn does stick around long enough to care, which infuriates Kendra.

Taylor

Robyn hates how much Taylor flaunts her (purple dragon crime) money. While Robyn doesn't wanna deal with Taylor at all, Taylor is an envy-seeker and is annoyed when Robyn doesn't react the way she wants her to.

What do you guys think? I'm open to more ideas.

[spellbook-gayboy]

Drabble 39

39.

"Mean what?" Rex asked.

"What you said earlier." Mark reminded him, briefly pausing to punch a ninja square in the face. "Something about us moving in together?"

Rex snapped a sword, before ducking and driving his elbow into another's face. "Oh yeah, that! Well, you're in your final year of college and I've been gathering all this money, so... you know, thought I'd look!"

"Alright! What did you find so far?"

Rex slipped under a sai, wincing as it narrowly missed his cheek. He wrapped his arms around the ninja's waist and pulled hard, sending them crashing to the floor in a suplex manoeuvre. "Well, there's only about five of them we can afford in the entire state. First one's rent is pretty low for the area, but the landlord is an asshole!"

"Not worth it. If he's anything like my old boss at Burger-Mart, I'm not living there!" Mark replied, not missing a beat as he tossed a desk into a group of goons. "Or my Business Studies professor, actually, cause I'm still not over that!"

Rex would've chuckled at that, if he wasn't already busy trying not to get stabbed. "Uh huh. Two are inner-city, so rent's not that bad, but they’re pretty small and barebones. Oh, and- Jesus!- and there's two on the outskirts of the city that look pretty nice, but the rent is just way too high for my standards!”

“Barebones is fine. The money left over from my dad’s book sales should cover the cost of furniture and stuff, so that leaves the deposit and rent over. You can cover the first month, right?”

Rex chuckled. “Try the first year and then some!”

“Oh-hoh, really? And how much money did you save up, exactly?” Mark asked in an intrigued manner, not even noticing as a thug broke their hand trying to punch him. 

“A fair few hundred, but there’s a lot more on the way. Trust me!” Rex reassured him. 

“Alright. Well, either way, you still gotta meet my halmani!”

“Okay, my Korean is still a little basic, I’ll admit,” Rex confessed, “but... I’m sorry, did you mention your grandma? What’s up with that?”

Mark grinned. “Oh, I wouldn’t worry too much! From what Mom’s told her about you already, Nana Hei-Ran’s gonna love you when she flies over from Busan! Well, mostly at least. That reminds me, do you have a problem with K-dramas?”

“I... don’t think so?”

“Good, cause K-dramas are like one of the unavoidable things you have to deal with when you join my family, so... yeah, good start!”

[lesvegas]

Landlord accused my neighbor of breaking the front door and wants to charge her 300 bucks to fix it and the neighbor asked me to email him but I'm not sure if I should because:

I have no idea who broke it, it's not impossible a tenant did, but it seems like the door just got worse and worse over time rather than being like. Intentionally busted.

I feel like emailing the landlord directly could get me into some shit and I realllyy don't wanna risk getting evicted or on his bad side or something

There are only six units and for all I know I could be the only one sending an email to him, accusing or not

Neighbor accused another neighbor who I barely know, but I do know she's been living here for 9 years

I gave my neighbor the number for the landlord & tenant board and told him I'd send an email but idk if I actually should. Also the landlord emailed everyone about the door like "why didn't you tell me" (we told the superintendent for months and he did nothing about it) and said he might have to install a surveillance system (do not want.) which would increase rent (REALLY do not want).

Uhhh yeah I have no idea what to do. Also I still barely know my neighbors I've just made small talk with most of them.

[dimplecki]

Tides are turning - chapter 3

Masterlist

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!hunter, Sam winchester X Fem!hunter 

Rating: R (violence, death, language, light smut)

Summary: When Sam died the first time, Dean brought him back to life. He didn't tell me about the deal he made with that demon until Sam forced him to tell me. We all knew that Dean only had one year left to live, and we all tried to prevent that from happening. The second time Sam was attacked by a demon close to Lilith and fought against it. he lost.

One year after Sam’s mysterious death weird things start happening and I realize things are not as they seem.

Authors Note: this story takes place post season 3(with the exceptional flashbacks to the past), Sam died midway through s3 and Dean never went to hell. we experience the story through the eyes a female hunter who went to Stanford with Sam and joined Sam and Dean in their revenge quest after jess’s death.  she is Deans girlfriend but there are things happening with Sam as well.

| Chapter 3

Today is Tuesday morning and I decided to give myself a day off from work.

I dialed Ben's number.

"Good morning, you" Ben's voice answered. “Where exactly are you?”

"So, listen" I said with a stuffy nose and faked a cough. "I'm not coming today. I'm sick."

"You don't have to try to work me with that shit. I'll cover for you. You decided to be lazy?"

I laughed. "Yes. I'm sure you'll find a way to manage without me."

"The new boss will complain about you tomorrow. She’ll surely want a note from your doctor for not coming."

"Fuck the new boss. I miss Jake."

"Yeah, me too. He had a cute butt."

"Yeah …he really had." I said in a dreamy voice. "Speaking of ass, how's Drake doing?"

I turned on the TV. I have two whole days without having to watch 'Doctor Sexy' involuntarily.

"I broke up with him."

"What? Really? Well done! I have to say I didn't like him. When?"

"You've said that about nine hundred times." He chuckled softly. "Yesterday, we fought for the thousandth time, and I told him to take his things and get the fuck out from my house." Ben's voice was slightly regretful as if he didn't want to do it at all.

"Wow, Ben. Good on you, I'm proud. Don't be sad about it. Want to go out for coffee after you get off work?" I suggested. I had no intention of sitting and rotting at home all day, even though it sounded tempting.

"Can't. I have a date."

"Already?! You're quick to get back into the single world, benny."

"That's me. What about tomorrow?" He suggested.

"Sounds great." I said, slightly distracted by the movie 'Alien' that was showing on channel 4. Here went the next two hours of the day.

"Okay. Get well soon."

I laughed. "Thanks." I said and hung up.

I loved those times Dean was away for a few days. I obviously missed him, but it's nice to have your own space for a little while after living with someone for so long. It also gives you time to appreciate their presence.

It was late afternoon; I organized my purse and was about to go to the mall with myself and a lot of cash when there was a knock at the door. I walked towards the door and opened it. Oh, great.

It was Mr. Connors, our landlord in charge of collecting the rent. A real pain in the ass.

Connors is an aging man with scruffy beard and raggedy clothes that looked like they were cut straight from the sheep and sewn onto his body. And he always stank of cigarettes.

"Mr. Connors." I said with a fake smile, "What brings you here?"

I calculated the date. We don't have to pay rent until early January.

"You're not inviting me in?" He said in his husky voice, smiling back.

I gestured him inside. He walked in and I closed the door behind him. He stood facing me with his hands behind his back.

"I can help you?" I asked him, crossing my arms.

"I wanted to ask you a question, if it's... not too cheeky." he said quietly. "Your partner, Dean, right?"

I nodded.

"Where's he at?" He asked, smiling that same unpleasant smile of his.

"He left. He'll be back in two days. Why?"

"Where to?" he asked in an elusive voice. I didn't like his curiosity. I remained silent.

"He's got a brother. Sam, if I'm not mistaken." He continued, his voice getting lower with each word.

I raised my eyebrows. Connors never knew Sam. Dean and I moved here months after he died, and we sure as hell didn't mention his name in Connors' presence.

"What about him?" I asked, my heartbeat starting to speed up. This conversation is getting weird by the minute.

"Where is he?"

"Deep in the grave. Mr. Connors, I'm in quite a hurry, so if you don't mind—"

"You tell me the truth." He cut me off, his smile wiped off his face as he came closer to me.

I took a step back and was about to yell at him to get the hell out of the house when his brown eyes sank into their sockets and two black circles appeared in their place.

He pounced on me and nearly knocked me to the floor when I quickly moved aside and ran straight upstairs. What the hell is a demon doing in my house?!

I glanced over at our entryway rug, which has a demon trap painted on the underside. It wasn't there. He quickly followed me, and just as I finished climbing the stairs, he grabbed my ankle and knocked me all the way back down. My face and legs hit the stairs, I felt immense pain in all parts of my body.

He towered over me while I was still on the floor and punched me straight in the face.

"What you want?" I asked angrily, feeling my heartbeat pumping all the painful places over my body. His black eyes were inches away from mine and I could feel the stench of cigarettes way too close.

"Where are they?!" he asked, almost yelling; and punched me again. I tasted blood in my mouth.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Sam's dead!" I shouted, trying to get him off me but to no avail. He was much stronger than me.

"If you don't tell me where they are, I'll kill you." He threatened quietly. Suddenly my cell phone rang.

I took advantage of his distraction and kicked him, throwing him off me. I ran back to my room and ignored the pain in my whole body, grabbing Ruby's knife, which was in the drawer next to the bed.

He came up a few seconds after me and I jumped him with the knife in my trembling hands, pressing it to his neck. He went still.

"If it's not going to be me who kills you, it's going to be somebody else." he said, panting heavily.

I stabbed him right in the heart with the sharp knife, sounding a furious scream. Mr. Connors, or the demon that had taken over his body, dropped to the floor with a thud.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((It takes a while, but I knew that eventually I would fit in here, even though I'm not really a normal girl.

It's been a month since I started college and I've already started making friends here and there, even though they didn't really interest me. Studies went well, I had something to do instead of resenting my life. It was starting to feel good.

I took the cell phone out of my pocket. 3 missed calls from mom. I ignored them. Ever since dad died, mom and I didn't get along - to put it mildly.

She didn't want me to be a hunter, she was afraid that what happened to father would happen to me. I couldn't blame her, but she didn't understand that you can't just walk away from it. I will never live a normal life again.

Our paths diverged. I rarely spoke to her, and only out of guilt. I knew that the fact that I went to university made her happy, and every now and then I emailed her my projects to give her some peace.

I went to my regular spot in the grass, the best place - not too far from the crowd, not too close. I took an apple out of the bag and slowly gnawed on it, then I saw him again. This tall guy, there was something about him that I just couldn't quite put my finger on.

He was hanging out with a friend; they talked a bit until he went his way and sat down on the grass exactly where he always sits - a few feet away from me. This time he did nothing - didn't read a book, didn't eat, didn't listen to music. Just sat there staring. His constant troubled look was familiar to me; from myself. Like you can never really be calm.

I decided to gather up the courage and approach him - what could happen? I've never been shy, and now is not the time to start. I stood up and approached him, sitting down next to him.

"Hi," I said with a smile. He looked at me, and his eyes shone turquoise with the sunlight. "I'm sorry if it seems strange - but I just wanted to say - you have a really beautiful smile."

He smiled, blushing slightly and seemed to be somewhat relieved - as if I had distracted him from something bad he was delving into.

"Thanks," he replied sheepishly. "I'm Sam." He held out his hand for a shake.

"Diana." I shook his hand. It was strong and big. "So... is it okay if I take a picture of you? I'm learning photography," I explained with slight excitement, touching my camera inside the bag.

"Um," he laughed, slightly embarrassed. "Okay. But don't post it anywhere, okay?"

"Sure, it's just for practice," I promised, bringing the camera closer to my eyes. It is obvious that he is not used to being photographed, and he did not exactly know what to do with his hands.

"Just act like I told you a really funny joke," I instructed him. He smiled slightly and that was enough for me to capture the picture I wanted. "Excellent!"

I put the camera back in the bag.

"Are you new here?" He was interested.

"Actually yes, I started studying a month ago." I replied.

"Welcome. I'm in the second year of law." Now that he was smiling directly at me, I felt something soften inside of me.

"So, it seemed like something was bothering you. Not that it's any of my business, but if we're talking..."

Sam laughed with a kind of misery. "It's nothing, just family stuff."

"Oh, I know a thing or two about screwed up families." I replied. If only he knew how much I understand dysfunctional families. I wish I could tell him. I wish I could tell somebody.

"Bet you a million bucks that's not even close to my family?" he asked in an amused tone, but his eyes were heavy with a burden.

"It's a bet." I replied, winking at him with a smile.))

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

For a few seconds I just stood there, shaking; staring at Mr. Connors' corpse, paralyzed with fear. I couldn't think and I didn't know what to do now. Blood began to pool around his body on the floor.

This is not the first time nor the tenth time I killed a demon. But the way he was looking at me, the weird questions he was asking about Sam, him coming into mine and Dean's house to look for us... it honestly scared me.

I jumped over Connors' dead body and ran down the stairs. I had to call Dean. My cell phone was on the dresser in the kitchen. I grabbed it, ignoring the missed call and dialing Dean's number with trembling hands.

Dean answered after four rings.

"Hey babe," he said from the other line.

I had no time to waste.

"Dean, there's a dead demon in our house." I said quickly. I felt the pain in my face and all over my body pumping under my skin.

"What?!"

"He possessed Mr. Connors', he tried to kill me, he said more would come - Dean, what the hell? I don't know what... how..." I said fearfully, trying to catch my breath.

"Calm down, are you alright? Do you want us to come home?" He said in a reassuring tone, but I could hear the concern in his voice. I heard him talking to Bobby in the background for a few seconds and then he was back on the line. "Okay, Dee, don't call the police and don't do anything. We'll be leaving in half an hour."

"Okay." I said, taking a deep breath and sitting down in one of the chairs by the table. I already felt a little calmer.

"Be ready if there are more, okay? Kick their asses."

I smiled and closed my eyes.

"Yeah. Thanks, Dean." I replied and he hung up. I leaned back in my chair and massaged my sore knees. There's a dead man's body lying on the floor in my room, and I'm not going near it.

I wondered what we were going to tell the police. That he tried to rape me, and I stabbed him in self-defense? I doubted they'd buy it. What really bothered me were his questions. Why did he ask about Sam? Doesn't he know he's dead? Who sent him?

After a few minutes of sitting motionless I tried to get up. A mistake. My whole body ached.

I dragged myself slowly towards the mirror, to check for damage.

A busted and bleeding lower lip, a swollen and red bruise above the eyebrow and three more cute scratches, one under the chin and two on the cheek. I didn't even want to check my body. I knew that the bruises were mainly on my left knees and lower back.

I wanted to lie down and rest, but I didn't dare go up to the bedroom, so instead I placed myself carefully on the sofa and lay there with my eyes open. I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep, fearing another demon would come and kill me in my sleep. I clutched Ruby's knife to my chest, holding it desperately like a lifeline and laid like that for what seemed to be forever.

Dean and Bobby arrived around 9pm. He opened the door, and I was so relieved I almost didn't care anymore.

I ran to him and hugged him, climbing on my tiptoes as high as I could to bury my head in his neck. Dean quickly loosened the hug and looked into my eyes.

"Does your knee hurt?" He asked.

That was our code question. Our secret way of making sure I'm still Diana and he's still Dean. We used to ask this every day, but over time it dwindled. The correct answer wasn't in words; It doesn't matter what I answer, I have to wink while doing it.

"In fact, very much so." I said and winked with my right eye. It was a bit ironic, given that my knees really hurt from the fall.

Dean breathed a sigh of relief and hugged me again. "Are you okay?" He asked.

I nodded over his shoulder, and we loosened our embrace. I turned to hug Bobby and Dean began to look around the house.

"Where is he?" Dean asked.

"In the room."

Dean wrinkled his nose and turned towards me.

"You had to make a mess in our room?" He sighed and shook his head. "I see you two had a nice talk." He noted, pointing to the bruises on my face. I rolled my eyes and the three of us went up to the bedroom, standing around the body.

Mr. Connors's blood had already filled half the room. fabulous.

"What did he want?" Bobby asked. Dean examined the body and crossed his arms.

"He..." I hesitated. I didn't know how to say it. "He was looking for Sam."

Dean looked up at me, eyebrows raised.

"Sam?" He repeated. I nodded my head and shrugged. I didn't have the faintest idea what was going on, just like Dean.

"So, what do we do? Shall we go to the police?" said Bobby.

"We can tell them he tried to rape me or something, and I stabbed him in self-defense." I proposed the idea I thought of earlier.

Dean shook his head.

"You'll have to testify and everything. We don't need this shit." Dean went silent and thought for a few seconds, scratching his head. "He doesn't have a family, does he?"

I shook my head.

"Then we'll take him to his apartment and let someone else find him. We'll wipe him of fingerprints." Bobby suggested.

"That's an idea. Bobby, help me carry him. Dee, start cleaning up the blood and then we'll come help you." Dean commanded.

Bobby coughed and it sounded something like 'bossy', but I'm not sure. Dean picked him up by the head and Bob by the legs, and they started carrying him out of the house.

When everything was clean, and the body was in its place I sat down on the couch tiredly. Dean said goodbye to Bobby and sat next to me, examining my bruises, and furrowing his brows.

“You look terrible.”

"Thank you very much."

"Did you ice it?" he asked, pointing to the bruises on my face.

"No." I answered him and let out a small sigh of pain as I tried to change position on the couch. My back sent streams of pain through my entire lower body.

Dean sighed and got off the couch. I smiled to myself. He returned a minute later, holding a towel with ice inside it. I liked that Dean showed concern for me. He pressed the frozen towel to the bruise above my eye. It was cold against the hot wound, and it felt soothing.

"Great, now we're a match." Dean said pointing to the scab on his lip from a few days ago, and gestured to my own freshly busted, bleeding lip.

"That demon was looking for you too, you know," I said, closing my eyes as Dean move the towel to the cold side. "I thought he was going to come to you after he killed me."

"And then you ganked him." He said and smiled for a few seconds, then his face turned serious again. "So, what's the story?"

"He came into the house, we talked, all normal, and he mentioned you. Then he mentioned Sam. Then I found out he was a demon, he knocked me down the stairs, started beating me and asking me where you were. I got away and stabbed him. He said more would come."

I said all this in one breath. I remembered the phone call that, in fact, saved my life.

Dean paused to take in what I said for a few seconds.

"You know, I really had a feeling that someone was following me the last few days," he finally said.

Turns out we were both being followed. I didn't feel it, by the way. Dean gently moved the towel towards the bruise on my bottom lip.

"What the hell did he want? Doesn't he know Sam's gone?" I said and my voice sounded muffled through the towel.

Dean buried his head in his free hand and massaged it tiredly.

"I don't know. Let's just go to sleep, okay?"

We went to sleep with Dean's hand wrapped around my waist and holding me close. He fell asleep a long time ago, and I was exhausted but I couldn't stop replaying what happened today in my mind. I didn't even dare to think about the most logical conclusion that could be drawn from this whole story.

I finally gave up and focused on Dean's breathing on the back of my neck, falling asleep a few minutes later.

[nityarawal]

Notes to landlord about tenant Melody Gray:

I'll call bank today! PNC Executive is now working on it again w/ 4 exec. I left a 3 way call with 2 managers & emailed court. Should have it soon! Fingers crossed! Thanks for patience!

I think neighbor has to go out for daughters school? My bumper could fall off. Waiting for my car from court refunds. Melody got hers! Lol Could you send me her number pls & ask her for screenshots from her nurse mom so we can put bank fraud to rest? I lost my bank because she broke federal law here. I didn't want her in my home. She should give us a car & put all expenses on her big pharma sugar daddy. Seriously. That girl is a pushy con. Hey are you related to my chiropractor Dr. Drew Hall?

Yeah. Court. Melody needs to send what I need so we can all shut up on subject once & for all. So boring paying hookers addiction fees. I'm sick of it. Aren't you? Her mother mollests kids through boytoy. Maybe she hoped to groom you. Clearly she voted w/ feet. I will get a cybertruck w/ honors. (: It takes patience though. Bank manager at Hemet is sorting issues with PNC. Please come on X and testify against them. Use your writing skills for all of us. Dads need to take a stand. It's a coparenting issue. Our kids aren't exotic pets but our government thinks so- rapes my kids- just like Charly. ): Her Kids are a blessing as are mine but creepers need to stop this. She's a stalker Troll criminal involved in insurance/medical/bank pedo fraud. Gross. No wonder no one wanted her vibe around! It's a federal issue with what her & family does. No one is down. Not her Anjali or mine. What the F is Melody thinking? Not. Send her number. I need to roast her properly to settle bank bs quick. She's such a liar. She said you stole her phones with screen shots of her nurse mom Darline breaking hippa laws and slandering me. She lured me here with promise of those. Then she fed you lies about me too. Creepy. Mental health victimising/gaslighting dramas! Peace! It's only way! Whistleblow - the Hoes will go! Obviously I need to work & write/publish immediately. Tell Melody to get off my pen. Lol

@elonmuskparody @elonmuskfans @elonmuskfanslounge @elon-daddy @elonmuskdaily @teslamotorsblog @teslamodel3 @realtor20plusyears @realtor24-jenny-blog @realtorstepho

[depressedtransbian]

Well, it's been a minute, hasn't it? Time has certainly gone by since my last update. So, I'll fill y'all in on things:

-I started SW properly, posting stuff on Reddit. Have a decent-ish following on there, and I figure once I reach 500 followers or so I'll start a proper OF and see how that does.

-I broke up with Ellie (out-of-state partner). No matter what I did, or said, or tried, she would not seek any kind of help for her crippling depression and anxiety. My first wife went through a very similar thing, refusing to seek treatment even though I implored her to, and it took the threat of divorce to get her to a hospital where we discovered her kidneys had shut down completely. I wasn't about to go through that hell again. I can't. Call me what you will, but I can't.

-Moved. Beginning of January we got a notice from our landlord that our rent was going up by $100/mo, and that place was NOT worth that price. So we decided to move. In the process, we got rid of a lot of stuff we didn't need any longer, fixed the bedbug problem (or so we thought; they just popped back up in the last few days after a few months of living here), and managed to find a house to rent as opposed to an apartment, which is what we've been wanting.

-Started seeing a proper psychiatrist in an effort to regulate my meds and boost my mental health.

-Tried to start dating one of the people from our D&D table, who seemed really interested, who then suddenly turned cold right before our date and hasn't shown any romantic proclivities since.

-Got back into online dating, via HER, and found a REALLY cool person whom I'm meeting for coffee (and more than likely more than that) tomorrow evening. And bonus, they also really like Uni, and if things keep progressing like this we might just be in a triad sooner rather than later! Which is awesome!!!

-Had my 40th bday, and Uni got me a stuffie I've been wanting for a while, the Squishables Lich!!!

So yeah, the past few months have been HELLA busy. But things were still going great-ish. Ever since moving Hanna's been super tight about money, which is fine, and she's also been looking at changing jobs to a less stressful one, which is also fine (even though I think the job hunt is causing her more stress than her current job is).

But all that's what it is. I'm just trying to be the best mid-tittied Semi-goth girlfriend/housewife I can possibly be. Some days my energy levels are shit, some days I don't get anything done. But I still try, and that's what matters most.

Cheers, y'all. See y'all soon!

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue - Ch. 14 "Skeletons in the Closet"

Summary: Lee feels his only friend now is the bottle. He gets a call and explains the damage he caused and accidentally reveals something. Josie has a tantalizing dream. Orlando shocks the hell out of her and she lets him know how much. Lee sees an angelic vision, a real one this time. Another moment is shared. Josie meets a potential new landlord as she searches for her own place, but a secret lies beneath. Josie asks Lee out. A secret is revealed to the readers.

*Warnings* language, smut, angst, alcohol use, drug injection, drug mentions, mentions of death

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

Chapter characters: Lee, Josie, Amy, Orlando, Megan, Craig, Mystery Person

Salem, Massachusetts

February 24, 2023

Dash had went home just after midnight when his mom got off her shift at the hospital and Lee wasted no time finishing off the bottle of whiskey that you had been drinking earlier that evening. He had hoped you would at least text him to let him know you made it home alright but you didn't, so he reached out to Amy to find out since you wouldn't reply to him. Amy told him that you wouldn't respond to her either so she called Margaret who then confirmed you had came home and been in your room all night. This relieved Lee but made him hurt even more for you. When he told Amy about his father, she immediately called him.

"Hey Ames."

She heard it in his voice. The emotional pain and the slurring due to his drinking.

"Lee…honey I am so sorry about your dad! I had no idea. Are you alright? You don't sound so hot."

"Well now, that's because I'm not. I have lost everything…my son, my brother, my dad, my job, my best friend and now Jo."

"Jo? What happened Lee? That girl is crazy about you. I was there when she read your letter."

"Well if that were true, she certainly isn't anymore because I ruined it. I pushed her too hard and too fast and she couldn't get away from me fast enough. Everything was going so good this afternoon and then it just wasn't. I don't know what set her off, possibly my neighbor that I slept with one lousy drunken time years ago after Jacob died and I don't think Jo liked her very well when she came over."

"Wait what? This girl came over and Josie met her? and…you told Josie about that??"

"I needed to. I could tell she wanted to know and suspected it. Angel isn't exactly inconspicuous about how she feels....and then she asked me to watch her kid...I should have said no."

"She asked you that after you had just lost your father? Wow...bold isn't she. I know who Angel is Lee, I work here too remember? Sometimes, you're just too nice you know that?"

"Apparently, cause look where it's gotten me. Maybe I should just be an asshole and finish off alienating everyone and become a fucking hermit."

"Or maybe stop drinking Lee."

"Ok, I don't need this shit from you too Amy. I have a mother...I mean had."

"Lee...stop wallowing and feeling sorry for yourself and try to fix whatever happened. I know Josie very well, and the girl has got it bad for you. Go to her tomorrow when you're cleaned up and tell her how you feel."

"And what, push her even further away? I have caused irreparable damage already. Like that time with Jess that Jo saw...she made it known that it still hurts her...and now Jo knows that my sculpture was of her...and we were watching sappy love story movies and that upset her too, saying she don't believe in love like that and I asked her why and she said it's all fiction which is why she writes about it and then she was drinking and..."

"Lee, slow down, you're rambling. Now wait, you sculpted Josie?"

He paused for a minute and closed his eyes, picturing your face.

"Yeah....she is so beautiful Amy. I couldn't help myself. I have never sculpted anyone before....but Jo broke it that night when she, and I quote, saw me devouring Jess' mouth. I thought it was she realized it was of herself but found out tonight she didn't know, so I am sure that freaked her the hell out too. I've scared her off Amy. Plain and simple. One minute we were dancing, and I was singing to her and then she started crying and told me I needed to slow down...and I don't know how to...I have never been in love before and I..."

All Lee could hear was Amy squeal in delight, so loud he had to hold the phone away from his ear.

"EEEEEE!! Oh my god Lee, you love her?"

"Now that I'm deaf, I suggest you become deaf too and pretend you didn't hear what I stupidly just said. You CANNOT tell her I said that. She cannot know, that would put the nail in the coffin, if it already isn't. I already I told her I wished for on 11:11 which she told me once before not to reveal what I wished for or it wouldn't come true, so I fucked that up too."

"Of course I am not going to tell her. That's not my place, it's yours...but I am willing to bet money that she feels the same way about you....give her some time and space...she'll come around. I guarantee she won't be able to stay away from you."

Amy knew that you loved him too because you admitted it after you read his letter, but as she had said, it's not her place to tell.

"I'm not strong enough to stay away from her either Amy. How can I try and make this better if you say to give her space and time? What if she decides she don't want this...or me? I can't deal with this right now...Amy I need to go..."

"Lee just wait and....Lee?"

He hung up and cranked up his music, then poured another shot of whiskey. It was now 1:15 and he about choked on his drink when a song played. I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Lee never used to believe in signs but after everything he had seen with his own eyes in the past three weeks, he was now a believer.

He began looking through your Facebook photos while listening to the song, fighting off every urge to call you. Staring at the front door, he imagined you walking in like you did that morning...but this time it was into his arms, telling him you loved him so much and kissing him. He then came across a public post you made an hour ago.

"One moment...can change who we are, what we see, how we think and feel forever. One moment...when a definitive line can be drawn between everything in our lives which came before it and after it....He was my moment..."

Lee must have read it a dozen times until his vision was too impaired by booze and tears to see the words anymore, so instead, he stared at your profile picture.

"And you were mine.....still are." he whispered and then soon after, he laid his head down and fell asleep on the kitchen table.

You had tossed and turned all nights with dreams of Lee and had a very erotic one just before waking up. He was lying beside you in your bed, naked with the blanket covering his lower half. His fingertips were gliding up your leg just like you had imagined him doing while you were at his house as he fondled your ankle. He then moved himself between your legs and gazed into your eyes as you held his face. He glanced down between your spread legs, then brought his eyes back to yours.

"What would you like me to do?" he asked in a deep sensuous tone.

Your thumb traced over his pouty perspired lips.

"This. I want to feel your breath, your warmth inside me."

He formed an alluring smile and began to kiss your inner thigh. As his mouth almost made it to your aching entrance, you gasped and pulled his head up, making him look at you as you panted.

"Lee....I....I love you."

His pupils reacted and widened, so much so that you could see your reflection in them.

He resumed his trail down your thigh with his supple lips as you ran your fingers through his feathery hair.

"My Jo...let me show you how much I love you too my sweet girl."

His voice was so deep, so loving and filled with desperation to pleasure you.

You whimpered loudly as he kissed your protruding bud and then ran his hot tongue up through your slick folds and back down to your entrance. Without warning, he plunged his tongue inside of you and swirled it about, sending you head flinging backwards and your hips pushing into him.

Beep beep beep beep beep. 7 am. Your alarm went off, startling you awake as you were intensely orgasming. You grabbed your pillow and buried your face into it moaning and gasping, rocking your hips through the insane pulsating pleasure....and then you just laid there and cried, wishing it had been real. You could still smell him on your hands from the night before.

You immediately sat up and checked your phone to see if Lee had texted or called, but he hadn't....but there was a notification on your Facebook icon. Upon clicking on it, it went to the status you made last night, which was public so anyone could comment....and someone did...Lee. It simply said "And you were mine. Still are."

You dropped your phone and threw your hands over your face, bawling as his name whimpered out of your mouth. You got up, dried your eyes and went downstairs to eat some breakfast so you had some energy for your skating class. As you galloped down the stairs, you came to a dead halt as you saw two pairs of shoes by the front door....and couldn't believe your eyes as to whom you saw in the living room, sleeping on the couch.

Megan...laying on Orlando's lap.

"What in thee fuck!?" you blurted out, scaring them both awake.

Megan laughed. "Oh no, it's not what it looks like..."

"It never is.." you snarked with an astonished smirk upon your face as you walked towards them both.

"We just went out and had a few drinks last night and he was too drunk to drive so I let him stay here. What's the big deal?"

"The big deal is you went after yet another man who WAS important to me." you reeled as you glared at Orlando.

"Josie, please let me explain.." Orlando finally chimed in.

"There is nothing to explain. Both of you get out of my house right now! before my mother comes down and has a heart attack at this disgusting sight!"

"It's not just your house Josie. I'm moving back in. Mom said I could."

"Oh, well how fucking lovely. I will be finding my own place then, but for now, get out before I kick both of your ass's!"

Megan ran out the back way and Orlando tried to go to the front door where his shoes were.

"No! You are not going out the front door at 7 in the fucking morning for all the world to see of my sister's half naked screw of the week!"

"Josie, I just need to get my shoes and then I'll go out the back." he said as he gently pushed his way to the doorway.

"How dare you...how dare you come into MY HOUSE and fornicate with my slut of a sister on my mother's couch!"

"You have got it all wrong Josie, if you would just listen instead of acting like a crazy person for one minute!"

Slap...the hit he had worried about receiving the other night, he finally unexpectedly got as you smacked him right across the face.

"What, listen to more of your lies??! How could you do this with her of all people after what she did?!"

"Jesus Josie, will you calm the fuck down and listen to me?"

"You cannot be serious right now? Listen to you about what Orlando? It don't even matter if you screwed her or not, it's the fact that you're even associating with the little witch! I'm sure she got your number out of my phone that night...and you just happily accepted to go out with her for some kind of sick and twisted revenge on me when I did nothing to you...tell me, am I getting hot?"

"Ok...fine...yeah, that's what happened....well except for fucking her... SO? You don't get to tell me who I can and cannot see....and why do you even care?"

"Yeah you're right, I don't care...but I do when it's in my own house. You got a lot of fucking nerve Dr. Bloom. Speaking of doctors, did you even know your so called best friend's father died yesterday??"

"W..what?"

"Yeah...Lee...remember him? The guy you've been friends with since high school but now won't speak to over something YOU did? The guy who's been going through nothing but pure hell lately? You're a real piece of work. I actually had believed you were a good guy and that you cared about him. Boy did you have us both fooled. I don't want to hear any more from your repulsive mouth. Get the hell out of my house now before I call the cops."

"Jo? What's going on down there?" your mom called from upstairs.

"Get out of here now!" you whispered through clenched teeth.

"Josie...I'm sorr..."

"Get out!" you cried.

Orlando's eyes teared up as he grabbed his shoes and took off out the back.

"Nothing mom, it was absolutely nothing." you called back to her as you watched Orlando from the window get in his car and leave.

Now you were just too fumed to eat, so you went upstairs, took your shower and headed out.

All the way to the skating rink, you cried. You wanted out of that house now if Megan was going to be staying there indefinitely. You just wanted to go to Lee's instead, but you knew you couldn't right now.

You got inside and put on your skates to do your warm up on the ice before the kids got there and let some steam off. You chose a song that seemed fitting to work your frustrations out too and off you went.

Little did you know that Lee was watching you. When the song ended, you saw him. You skated over to him and did a snowplow stop at the entrance way he stood in.

"What are you doing here?" you asked in complete shock.

"I...wanted to see you skate....and to my amazement, the girl that falls over a divot in my yard, glides and twirls like an angel on the ice."

"Well...I told you I could skate better than I could walk." you lightly smiled and went to sit down.

"Do you mind if I sit with you for a minute? I promise, I won't stay long. I have to go handle dad's arrangements soon."

"Sure."

"Great song choice by the way. Adam Lambert is a very underrated singer."

"Yeah..I always choose a song I can relate to. It helps me focus."

Lee knew that was a pun towards him. "Jo...I...I just wanted to apologize for freaking you out or whatever it was that I did and.."

"No...Lee..." you sighed. "You know the saying, it's me not you? Well...it's true. You did nothing wrong and...I'm the one who's sorry. I acted like such a petulant child. I was actually going to call you this morning, but I woke up to quite the surprise."

Of course you instantly thought of your dream of him, but there was no way in hell you were going to tell him about that.

"Oh...you mean...my comment on your post that I saw this morning but don't remember doing. Jo...I'm sorry. I was drinking...and I know I shouldn't have been...I.."

"Lee...you don't owe me any explanations about your choices. Who am I to judge you? I drink sometimes too, and over indulge a lot at times just as you do....I actually was not referring to that though...I found...you're never gonna believe this...Orlando and my freaking sister asleep on the couch from going out drinking the night before."

"Ummm what??"

"Yeah, I know right?"

"Needless to say, I was ready to kill them both and Orlando took the bunt of my wrath on his face."

"Ohhh ouch. You didn't?" he chuckled.

"I did. I would have given Megan one too but she scurried off like the coward she is. I'll deal with her later. Can you believe the nerve of them both? To come to my house and do whatever is they did on my mother's couch?

"Yeah I...uh..got a text from him this morning sending his condolences about my dad."

"Yeah...well he didn't even know until I told him and I tore him a new asshole for being a shitty fake ass friend to you."

"You...did that for me?"

"Of course I did, because it's true. You know, I thought he was so great, the way he took care of you and stayed by your side...until I found out his hidden agenda...and then, to get back at me, he frolics around with the town tramp that's unfortunately related to me. They both claim they didn't sleep together but whatever. He shouldn't even have been around her after what she did to you."

"To us...and yeah, you're right. that's pretty fucked up. He failed to mention all of that when he texted."

"Of course he did. Can we not talk about him anymore? It makes my skin crawl picturing the two of them on the couch like that....How are you doing? Are you ok Lee?"

"Yeah Jo...I am now........I wanted to ask you something. Jo...when the funeral date is set...would...you be willing to go with me? I mean, I totally understand if you don't want..."

"Yes."

"Y..yes? You will? Really?"

"Of course I will Lee. I wanna be there for you. I know how much you're hurting and I would never want you to go through that alone. Thank you...for asking me...after the way I treated you last night. I'm so ashamed."

"Jo..no. Don't be. You're going through things too and I...I pushed you too hard. I swear, it won't happen again. Just please...don't disappear. I'm so afraid that you will."

"I told you once that I wouldn't leave you, and I know that I broke that promise last night...and your heart....but...god I'm so sorry Lee. I just get in my head sometimes, over such mundane things."

"Jo...if something hurts you, it hurts you. There's nothing mundane about it....and if it hurts you...it hurts me."

There it was again...another moment between you both where you just stared at each other.

Another interruption occurred as kids could be heard in the other room.

"Well, I guess that's your que."

"Yes, I think so." you laughed.

"Hey...do you mind if I stay and watch for a bit before I have to go? I promise I'll be quiet and not shout out cheers for you and stuff."

"Ha ha. Sure. Suit yourself. You won't see much but the kids practicing. I'll see you later, ok?"

"Oh and hey. You're amazing, you know." he shouted and laughed.

"Yeah well so are you I guess!" you laughed back and walked out.

Lee was so smitten with you in that moment, just as he was in any other one, but just a little bit more this time.

He stayed for about thirty minutes just watching you talk and laugh with the young girls, stealing glances from you from time to time as you both smiled at each other. He could have sat there all day and taken your beauty in, but he needed to get going. He stood up and waved to you, then blew a kiss. You acted as if you caught it and laughed, then he smiled sweetly and left.

After you left the rink, you spent the day looking for an apartment. There was no way you were going to stay in a house with Megan long term. It would be nice to have a place of your own anyways, so maybe Lee could spend time with you there instead of always at his place....that is...if things came to that....and you very much wanted it to regardless of your fears and insecurities. Now that you had met him, you couldn't imagine a world without him.

You ended up calling a number that was posted outside of a nice lake front loft in a complex that you unintentionally found close to Lee's lake house. A man answered and said he had time for you to come look at it, so you did.

Up the stairs you went to the number he told you. You knocked and the same man's voice shouted over the music to come in. This certainly could not be the place, you thought as you entered to see a loft full of art and paint all over the room...and a man with short dark hair and glasses sitting at a desk deep in thought as a paint brush stroked about in his paint stained hand that was full of silver rings. The classic rock music was so loud, you had no idea how he had heard you at the door.

"Uhh...Hi?" you said but now he strangely didn't hear you.

"Hello!" you shouted.

The scraggly haired man with striking blue eyes and a scruffy short beard looked up over the top of his glasses as if he had never seen a woman before or possibly had even recognized you, yet you had never seen him before in your life.

He then stood up and went to turn the music down, poured himself a glass of wine and came over to you.

"Umm..Josie right? We just spoke on the phone?"

Dear god, this man reminded you of Jason, tall, muscular and wearing a black tee shirt. Even his hair was similar...and his bright blue eyes were almost a match as well. The only difference was his beard, jewelry and....accent. New Zealand maybe? You had to giggle inside that he wore black leather pants that were covered in paint. Overall though, he was a gorgeous man who had good taste in music.

"Hold on a minute sweetheart, let me change my shirt."

He went into the restroom and then came out with a black long sleeved knit and combed hair. You giggled again that he was worried about his shirt when it was his pants that were corroded in chemicals.

"Hi...Sorry bout that. I wasn't expecting you to show up so quickly. I promise, I don't always look like the canvas itself." he smiled as he pointed to one of his pieces that leaned against the wall. "My name is Craig...and youuuu are miss...March?"

'Ohh. That's fine...and yes...Josie March...but just Josie is fine."

"Alright then just Josie. So you are interested in the loft I have for rent?"

"Umm, yes but...this...isn't it...is it?"

The man chuckled and took a sip of his wine. "No my dear, this is my art studio and I have my own personal loft behind it. The one you would like to see is down the hall. Follow me."

He politely opened the door for you and then led you to a door about 25 feet away.

'After you."

He opened the door and followed you inside. It was perfect. Like a studio apartment but much bigger. Everything was in one room except for the bathroom. A kitchen and dining area, living room and a bedroom.

After a few minutes of looking everything over, you made your decision.

"I'll take it....that is if you want to rent it to me. I have references and all that stuff."

"Not necessary. I get the feeling you're good for payment and you don't look like the type that's going to rob me blind and trash the place. I've had too many of those to easily recognize the good, the bad and the ugly. It's yours if you want it."

"Really? O..ok. Thank you...so much."

"Alright then, come with me."

You followed him back to his man cave and went over the payment details and then handed him a check.

"Alright just Josie. When the check clears, I'll give you a call and you can come move in any time after that. Just stop by here and I'll give you the keys."

"Sounds good. Thank you Mr.....?"

"Parker...but you can call me Craig."

"Ok. Um..Thank you...Craig. Hope to hear from you soon."

"You're very welcome just Josie."

He stood holding your check and smiled as you left.

"Jo March....what are the odds of you showing up here? Just what is it that you know....." he muttered to himself.

You were so excited and the only person you wanted to tell was Lee, so you stopped by his place on your way home to start packing, and to break the news to your mother. It's not like you would be far, and you would come visit her all the time....but you needed this. To be on your own and although it wasn't planned, you got the shove you needed to do it.

You went racing up to his door and then stopped to take a breath because every time you knew you would be near him, the butterflies made you dizzy. Slowly, you walked in. He was sitting in the dining room and the look on his face told you he was beyond elated to see you.

"Sorry for just barging in, I just really needed to see you and thought maybe we could go do that lunch, well it would be dinner now, or if it's not a good time, I can go..." you rambled in your nervous state that he always put you in.

He said nothing and came right to you and did what his face said he was dying to do...took you in his arms.

You both stood quietly for a minute as he laid his mouth on top of your head. His warm breath circulated through your hair and his heartbeat raced against your ear.

"Lee...what's wrong, are you alright?" you asked as he held you so tight.

"I...I saw him Jo...I saw my dad."

You arched your head back quickly. "You saw him? Here?"

"Oh...no...I meant at the funeral home today. I went there to make his arrangements after I had stopped at the home to wrap up the financial stuff and gather his things.....He..looked so peaceful. I talked to him for a little while and held his hand...and then I came here and have just been sitting at that train set ever since. The locomotive I gave him for his birthday, I brought back and put it back on the Jacob's set, wanting to turn it on...but I...I just couldn't....Jo...I'm so glad you're here."

You squeezed him extra tight and now both of your hearts were pounding against each others.

"Me too...I am so sorry Lee. I hate it that you're hurting so much. We don't have to go out tonight."

"No, nonsense. I would love to go out with you, and get the hell out of here for awhile. Fixing this place up is dragging on and dragging me down...besides...you said you needed to see me so there must be a reason unless you just couldn't stay away from me." he grinned as he peered down at you.

You giggled shyly. "Both....annnnd...." You smiled and began lightly jumping up and down in his arms. "I got my own place today!"

"Oh my god Jo, that's great. I'm so happy for you. Well then there's a reason to go out after all, to celebrate....you can tell me all about the place then."

"Really? Ok! First, I need to go home and shower and change...I have been running all day since the rink and..."

"Jo Jo...you really don't know just how beautiful you really are do you?"

His fingertips softly stroked your cheek as another moment was happening. You could see it in his eyes that he wanted to kiss you and god did you want him to....until your car alarm went off.

You both ran to the front porch and watched a cat haul ass off of your hood. You threw your arms in the air.

"I..I give up. I give up!" you laughed sarcastically and shut the alarm off. "Come pick me up in an hour. You can meet my mom."

His face fell flat and his eyes widened as he gulped. "W..w..what? You...want me to meet your mother? Jo...after how I showed up that day at your house...I doubt that it's a good idea..."

"Lee...relax. She didn't even witness any of it...and so what if she had? It will be fine..."

"Is that code for...here, hold my beer?" he chuckled.

"Ha ha. I'll see you soon then?" you said as you put your coat on and began to walk down the steps.

"So...is this a date?" he said with a sly grin.

You turned and stared at his precious face...then ran back up to him, and held a soft kiss on his cheek right beside his lips, then placed you hand on his cheek and smiled.

"It is..."

As Lee watched you drive off, the smell of your cherry chapstick flowed up his nose and he could feel the slight stickiness of it on his skin. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh as he held his nerve racked stomach, then went inside to get ready.

Craig headed down to the basement of his complex where there were two other units besides his and the one you would rent that were both upstairs. He then sat down and spoke to someone.

"How's it going my friend. I'm unusually early, but there's been an unusual occurrence. It seems we have a new...tenant. At first, I thought it could be a major problem, because...well...I find it quite odd that this person shows up here of all places looking for an apartment, which concerns me as to what they know....Now on the other hand, it could be a plus, because a close eye can be kept on the resident."

A man sat in a wheelchair, unbound and clearly drugged, wearing a sweatshirt with the hood up and a mask that covered his mouth and nose. Upon hearing this news, he became unsettled and tried to get up, but failed as he was too weak.

"Now, now, there's no reason to panic. The person is quite harmless...at this point until I can further assess the situation, that's why I allowed them to stay here.

"N...no...not..the plan..." the masked man muttered and kept trying to get up.

"Are you really going to make me keep drugging you? Because it seems to be the only option at this point to keep you safe....Damn it..."

Craig got up and brought in the nurse who resided in the other unit down the hall.

"Give him a full dose." he ordered.

She did as she was told and injected the hooded man with a very large needle full of ketamine, otherwise known as special k. His arm was already bruised from several other doses.

"You bring this on yourself. I am trying to protect you...and this seems to be the only drug that will keep your hard headed ass sedated since it's used on horses. I know this was not the plan you had, but what does it matter? You're still dead to the world and dead to those who want you dead. How long have we known each other huh? Have I ever steered you wrong? If you go out there half cocked to seek revenge on the Jerome family or any of the other ones now, instead of waiting for the right moment, you won't be only merely dead, you'll be most sincerely dead. If I hadn't intervened, that's what you'd be. You knew that hit was coming and I know you planned for this to go a lot differently....but now, we have bigger problems."

"One of those being the new out of the blue arrival and it makes me wonder how much you told this person....that being of one Jo March...."

@redeemer46

[hyperdemona]

This person tonight just said to me they did nice things in the beginning to make me feel safe.

Then when I moved in they started threatening me and claiming I was disrespecting them for not respecting their “rules.” To the point I finally broke down to tears and then they hugged me…. I took a long hot shower after that because it made me feel disgusting.

I feel like I need to take a cold shower now. This is my landlord that I live with. I hate being in poverty making me vulnerable to people like this.

She in the beginning lied and said she respected privacy, then justified snooping in my room… she also claimed she respected boundaries but repeatedly ignored my boundaries. She lies constantly.

Ick ick ick. She reminds me of some toxic men I’ve known, like her desire to be dominating and viewing me as inferior, the creepy manipulation. She’s a Christian In her 50’s, hate to say it but they’re all like this.

But her saying she was nice in the beginning to make me feel safe made my skin crawl. Like I honestly am tempted to, once I sign a lease somewhere else, remind her that creepy men also act “nice” to get what they want, that not considering how her threats effected me is what demonstrates she lacks empathy.

I’m repulsed at the hug Crossing my boundaries. It made me so uncomfortable.

You didn't deserve to be treated that way. She treated you like shit, then hugged you to reassure herself she isn't a threatening piece shitt. I'd tell her that her behavior is shameful and that nice people don't need to let others know they are nice by telling them. A "don't touch me" is really impactful if you can assert yourself. If she tells you she's nice one more time tell her "Yeah. I could see that", I'd SMIRK at her. I'd probably also tell her she's rude and to watch her behavior but that might not be wise for everyone if it can jeopardise your situation.

You need to have a secure living situation. I hope it all goes well. It probably will. Don't apologise for hating on Christians, Christians are what they do and most are poorly behaved. There's this touchy pastor in my church and I'm planning on boldly telling him to not touch me if he tries to again like he has with my sister. But that's because I don't care about what these shits think of me lol, they're mostly worthless in my book.

[dzpenumbra]

2/24/23

All of the progress I made yesterday. All of the momentum. All the insight and realization, the growth. The confidence I had. It has been crushed to a fine dust and tossed into the wind.

There was a big storm today. Something like 8 inches of snow.

I did yoga for the lower back today and it went okay. Humbling, but good.

I ate some food, I worked on another stone for a few hours. Quite a while, actually, now that I think about it, because I didn't get into the shower until probably... 5 or 6? Part of me was engrossed in the project, part of me was just... waiting for the expected call to coordinate about my car. To coordinate what the fuck I'm going to do for transportation because my car is broken down in a parking lot 100 miles away, unfixable (according to the people renting me the car I'm driving...). Just... waiting for the call. Which apparently... wasn't coming until... 6:30. On a snow day. The phone rang when I was in the shower, after I just gave up, assuming the call just wasn't coming.

After getting myself quickly clothed, I called back. It went dark quick. I mean, fuckin quick. She was trying to tell me that there were no cars that fit the bill in the state, essentially. And just... putting it out there like that... like... "welp, now what". I have no clue what the fuck she was expecting me to say or do. So, after a bit of info gathering on what the hell was going on... I opened up a Notepad document and, with her, started two columns regarding the car - My Parameters and Her Parameters. My parameters - electric preferred, if viable. Her parameters - Lease, New, few prior owners, manufactured within the past 2 years, there was another one but I deleted the document. How deluded would I have to be to think that I actually have agency in this situation? Let me be very direct here. The... empty space... that she was leaving when she said "oh my, it looks like there are no electric cars in the state!" Was directly to pressure me to resign the only agency I had in the choosing of my own vehicle, to pressure me to cave on that, to adjust my parameter. Without even looking at her other conditions, which she also didn't run by me.

Now... I grew up in this shit. This looked very normal my entire life. Like... "oh, well I'm just not going to pay for you to buy a car that's going to break in 6 months". Which is coming from someone who has only owned one used car one time in her life, when Carter was in fucking office. And, in her own story, the car broke because of her error of trying to run the windshield wipers without cleaning off the windshield first, and burning out the motor. You cannot fucking make this shit up.

I don't even want to get into the next 2 hours. It got bad. A bit of bringing out the old fan favorite "spoiled". That was fun. Yeah, nothing says spoiled like being scared shitless of telling your landlord that the washing machine and oven broke down because of PTSD from your fucked up family, so you just... I shit you not... live without an oven or washing machine for 4 months. I hand-washed my clothes in the bathtub for 4 months because the shame and guilt I felt. And I get called spoiled. I wonder where the complex came from.

I'm tired of censoring this. I'm tired of hiding this in order to protect the person who is hurting me very deeply. I want to say this out loud. At several points tonight, I made it very clear that I was being very deeply hurt, in ways that are hard to even put into words. Like... taking someone who is afraid of water and giving them a swirlie. Like taking someone who is afraid of spiders and dunking their head in a cardboard box full of spiders. And I explained very clearly, several times, that I wanted my notifications I was passing along during the conversation to be like a bottom third on a news channel, a ticker that is displaying a message: "Breaking News: this is extremely unhealthy, this is hurting your son in ways that you can't really comprehend, this is causing the damage which basically... refreshes the cooldown on his trauma symptoms, his avoidance, his hiding for safety from a dangerous world." I reminded her of it several times. It was as though I didn't even speak. In fact, most of the "conversation" was as though I didn't speak. I would ask direct, clear questions and just get silence. I would ask direct, clear questions and get responses that had nothing to do with the question. I would get complete topic changes out of the blue to just... dismantle everything I was saying. It was... I'm struggling to find the word. Unempowering? Like... Like in a nightmare when you are trying to speak and you can't speak. Only you can... but you might as well have not. Like... no shit this is my biggest recurring nightmare.

I used to stay in these conflicts out of a deep, primal fear of being abandoned. Being alone. But now I've been alone so long that I don't even care. This was because of my ability to have transportation, my own safety and security- which are clearly high priorities for me. And the transportation concerns are concerns that she talked me into. I was wrapping my head around the idea of being a bus rider from now on, trying to adjust to it. It's probably not the end of the world, I'd get used to it pretty quick. She insisted it was not safe, and insisted on leasing me a car. I said... if that is happening, I want it to be electric. Not for fashion or politics, because it seems more economic, and it seems like the tech shift is moving in that direction. And because of that... it should be easier to get replacement parts. Shit like that. It made sense to me. And, I mean... I'm going to drive it... so... I don't really know why it's anyone else's pick. If I pick something outside of a reasonable budget, don't fucking buy it. Duh. But if your only job is to finance this? Why the fuck are you deciding what car I'm getting too?

What I'm seeing as the theme under all of this? Fear.

I brought this up in the conflict, I've wanted to talk about it really bad but it just hasn't really come up fully. I want to really devote some of my work to it, like art pieces and shit. I feel like that's exactly where my carving and making sacred objects path is taking me. This idea of gods being the... personification of concepts. Death. Love. War. Fear. Stuff like that. And prayer to those gods? What is prayer? What is devotion to gods? Time? Thought? Intention? Like... what actually is devotion in practice. Like, I get the whole faith as a "loyalty" or "fealty" or something. Like "I align with this tribe" or whatever. Never really understood the point of that, but that makes sense with me being an exiled hermit. Hard to relate to the usefulness of that on a spiritual level, I just don't have the experience. But what interests me... is the practices of devotion. What we give to deities as representations of our faith. And in return for our devotions, our sacrifices, the things we give these deities... they give us blessings. Right? That's the whole thing? We earn their favor by giving them time, thought, energy, sacrifice, giving them a home in our lives. In our physical homes (through symbols, altars, totems, etc.), in our hearts (through sentiments, values), and in our minds (through consciously aligning our intentions with the deity's aspect, their qualities).

So... most of the people who do this kind of thing that I'm going to talk about are atheists... so a lot of them they get really upset when you talk about thinking this way... And it feels like this form of polytheism isn't... that common nowadays? (maybe that's part of the problem...) But what I'm seeing is this... driving force of repetition of the same emotions or concepts underlying. A motivational force. God, I'm being really vague and abstract, let me clarify. I see people sabotaging themselves like 10 times in one paragraph. "I made this art piece today. It's probably garbage, I hate it, but it's there. I don't know why I bother anymore. Oh well, hope you like it." Stuff like that. There's one example, like... clear-cut depression, right? Or, for my mom... Fear. I hint at leasing a car that's 3 years old and she immediately goes to "that car will break down and fall apart and it's going to be expensive and he's going to die." (not sure about the last part, she really didn't seem concerned about my safety or wellbeing at any point today...) So... the connection I'm kinda getting at here... Is that the artist in the first example... is essentially worshipping the God of Depression. Every sentence is either a tribute to the essential concept of Depression, saturated with the feelings of it, spoken through the lens of it, or immediately followed up with it in order to "ground" it. It's like a fucking summoning spell for depression. And the worst part? Being depressed makes you summon more depression. The same with Fear. The more afraid you are, the more afraid you are. And it snowballs super fucking quick.

That's why all the little gestures towards the "gods" - if you don't like the word, if it carries bad connotations, then... try "intentions" or "concepts" instead - all those gestures would probably bring much more function if you intentionally summoned "gods" that you actually do want in your life. Like... okay, let's say the artist above, who was an example inspired by at least a dozen people I've encountered in my life nearly verbatim, let's say their true value that they want to manifest in that expression... is being a cool, confident, respected storyteller. (Kinda projecting here... XD) So... why not summon that? Why not take some time and study how to summon that spirit, that... personality? How to be that character. Like... learning a role for a play, if you've ever done that before. Take a little time to really... learn how it feels to have those intentions present in a moment like the example above. And then, when it's time to present your next drawing? Tap into that. Tap into the spirit of what you want to be. Put your energy, your thought, your heart, your actions... intentionally, deliberately towards what you are seeking to achieve. What god you seek to summon. That is the value of mindfulness, of present awareness, of "noticing". It's subtle, but it's profoundly impactful. Not because of what it is, per se, but what it allows you to do.

So, basically... be mindful of what gods you are summoning. Because... you might just get what you ask for. If you devote all your time and energy to fixating on and... operating with the central tenet being... Fear or Sorrow. It should not be a surprise when you find that god appreciates your alignment, and gives you their blessing. More of the same.

I have no idea if any of that makes sense. It makes sense to me, but I've been immersed in the evolution of this concept for a very long time. This concept is one that I introduced into my life back in 2017. It was done through a D20 Modern campaign I was designing surrounding gods that functioned in this kind of way. Actual deities that existed in different dimensions than we can really understand or experience? But had influence on the world through... us. The one I was fixating on at the time was one I named Knorim, the god of illusion, grief and time. And his effects on the world were more... mind-altering... like almost psychedelic, hallucinatory, dream-like... I just watched Batman Begins last night, like that, like the whole Scarecrow/Ra's al Ghul thing. And the effects of his presence are summoned by... worshipping his aspects. Specifically by experiencing unresolved trauma, and dealing with trauma in unhealthy ways. Carrying accumulated trauma, fighting it, repressing it, projecting it... all basically like saying a prayer in a confessional, or an Eldritch cult member chanting before an altar, and the god bestowing their "blessing" in kind. And the effects grow not just within that person, but over time... they become a beacon for Knorim's influence. They start to radiate that hallucinatory effect to people nearby them, people close to them, then to people just... in physical proximity to them. And the infection spreads. And if things go bad? If these hallucinatory effects lead to breakups? Or fights? Or worse... The trauma multiplies exponentially.

Pretty fuckin messy, huh? And I came up with my own custom psychology and aura game mechanics for the D+D campaign to have this be an... unspoken part of the entire group dynamic. If one person deals with trauma in what was essentially... a ghost-hunting tourist trap gone wrong... like an Alan Wake kinda setting... if one person in the party doesn't sit down and deal with what they went through realistically, and really emotionally process it... like a real person going through a real trauma. It will grow and affect the team members. It will debilitate them, and the debilitating factors will make threats more dangerous, will make outcomes completely unpredictable, will eventually lead to them losing much of their faculties and functionality, and end up dependent on the people who they were hindering. And the more players get affected by this? The worse it gets. The deeper into the bad trip they go. So, basically, if they don't roleplay being actual people, they are going to be absolutely miserable and useless. If they treat their characters with loving kindness, like real people, and are gentle with them psychologically. Not recklessly jumping into traumatic situations. Caring for each other and helping each other recover. Bonding. Healing. If they play it like deep, immersive roleplay... they will have a once-in-a-lifetime experience. If they play it like a game, they will progressively lose their ability to participate. And riding that edge between the two? That's where the gold is.

I have told one person... maybe two... about this campaign in 5 years. I am typing this because I don't think I'll ever have friends to play it. Who knows. I kept silent because... I really can't spoil it for the players. If they know this element is present? They will try to min-max it. It will destroy itself. They need to feel it. They need to feel the effects. And, in an ideal world, they would get through the entire campaign having absolutely no idea that the influence of a god was even present. It was just some crazy shit that happened, and thank god we survived, and look at how close we became along the way. Like all good horror survival stories.

So yeah. I hope that kind of thing clarifies the theory I've been tossing around. This idea of like... live and act by the principles you are intentionally trying to bring into your own life, into the world. I am not even close to a good example of this, I have been working very hard on it, but I still have a long road ahead of me. But my heart is in the right place. And that's a big help.

Before I go...

I went skating tonight. Yeah. I mentioned that it was a snow day. There was a lot of snow out. I didn't go skating because I was waiting on this phone call. The end result of the phone call, by the way? The only plan I have here... with my balls gingerly placed in a Cuisinart... is to take the rental back down south and take the bus back up. The closest the bus comes to my apartment is about 3 miles away. The early bus gets in at 5:30 PM. I will 100% be walking back to my apartment alone, in a city, 3 miles, in the snow. So I better fucking stretch, and hope no one jacks my phone.

Okay, got that out of my system. I went skating. The sidewalks were completely covered. It was... like nothing I had ever done before. I skated the sidewalks. Just normal sidewalks. And did ollies and shuvits and manuals and shit. The hills were perfect for it. Just the right incline to carry speed. Though the snow was a bit slow... and I didn't get to tune my board first. I was too emotionally distraught. I just... put my contacts in, got water and fuckin went before I could talk myself out of it. Because it was like 10:30 when I went out. I went over to the other side of the park for the first time and I saw a 4 set. It was wider than the one in the park itself. I just hopped right up to the top and bombdropped it. Easy. Then I got settled in there and got ready to session this thing. After my second try... just getting a feel for the snow and the distance... I shit you not... a cop SUV pulled in to the rotary parking lot and just... posted up. Lights off, just chilling there like 30 feet away from me. I was just like... okay...

I tried 2 more attempts. The second one was a clean land. And I had a big shit-eating grin on my face. I was so fucking happy. It was such a good feeling. Like... I wasn't even planning on skating stairs today, and I can stick that 4th try. That's a hell of a feeling.

I went to cross the street and skate the park... when some chick was yelling at me from the sidewalk I had left. I paused my music, she was asking if I was snowboarding. I came back over and showed her my board and explained what it is. I offered it to her if she wanted to ride, she immediately got on and made her way down the entire hill. I was impressed. She picked it up really quickly. Frankie, I think she said her name was. I don't know. She was a college student, I'd wager. Which is... still a bit odd now that there's that much of an age gap. It looked like she was out with a friend getting drinks, as her friend came out and called her in because her... drink was ready? Weird thing to say... Welp... I introduced myself and went off and tried to skate the park itself. The park was completely unpacked powder that was like at least 6-7 inches. I did a few runs across the flat to pack the snow in, in case I want to go back and skate it tomorrow, but it was pretty unskateable how it was. So I went back over to the first sidewalk I skated. I liked it. It was a bit more gradual than the other one. And one run in, the cop posted up again. I spent the next like... 40 minutes? Practicing lines with the cop watching me. Ollie then shuvit. Manual shuv out. I tried half-cab, but I had trouble doing it at speed. Landed some really clean flat-ground kickflips, and started to get the heelflip back. Nothing crazy impressive, but really good solid fundamentals in a more... fluid environment. Snowskating is a lot more... set up in front of an obstacle and do something on it. You don't often get to do full runs. So to kinda cruise and do lines, and just throw tricks on random terrain, like skateboarding? It's pretty rare, at least for me. So, though I didn't land anything too impressive (other than the 4-set, that was clean as hell and I really want to pat myself on the back for it, I was right above the board the entire time), the style of skating I got to do tonight was a rarity. And I'm very glad I went out.

But here's what got me. The cop. Yep. It really fucked with me. I was literally being watched, being judged, by an authority figure that likely thought the worst of me and was just waiting for me to fuck up so they can punish me. The entire time. That's what my PTSD said. And I tried to just listen to my music and focus on my skating. I tried to tell myself, "the worst has already passed." But I did not feel safe. I just... did not feel safe. And I don't like that.

What I was thinking as I was just... speed-walking back to my apartment in a post-exercise daze... was "I really wish that cop would have just gotten out of their car and come up to me and said 'hey man, I'm gonna be parked over here keeping an eye out for shit, you know, just doing my job... I'm not like... waiting for you to fall and then kick you out because you're being too dangerous or anything... I might even watch you a little bit, if that's okay. Oh, and... how is your night, citizen? Are you well?' And I go, "Officer, I just had one of the worst nights of my life. And I just want to do something that makes me feel like life is worth living. And like I am talented and capable of doing something that brings good into the world. It might seem stupid, but it means a lot to me. I hope I'm not disturbing people with this", and they go "Wow blahblahblah holy shit I don't need your life story, what the fuck dude." Then they confiscate my board because it's "close enough" to a skateboard and send me home with a $300 ticket for vandalizing public snow.

I might have catastrophized that a bit at the end there. For real, I really wish the cop just said hi and let me know they weren't watching me. Because there was a moment when some dude just pulled off the rotary and parked right next to where I was skating for seemingly no reason... for like 5 whole minutes... and I was a bit sketched out. And it would've been much nicer for me to know whether the cop was watching my back, or watching me. You know? But with all the anti-cop sentiment lately, I don't blame them for keeping their distance and not extending that sentiment. I don't blame them at all. It just would've meant a lot to me to have an authority figure care about my night a bit, rather than lurk as an unseen force in the darkness waiting to pounce. It made relaxing and skating a lot harder.

Not a lot of good vibes to be found here. Just that young chick, who took the time out of her night to share her genuine excitement with me. And was probably hitting on me and I was probably completely oblivious and really not into it. Good lord, I don't have to sabotage the only good vibes here. I landed the 4 set. I introduced a new person to snowskating. I had an in-person social interaction that was very natural, very comfortable and I was actually very confident and encouraging. It showed me the other face of the world, the face that has been hidden from me for so long. The normal people interactions. That aren't fights. That aren't therapy sessions with legal boundaries. Just... friendly interactions in the wild.

Here's to building a healthy foundation to support more of those. And the courage and security to safely walk away from the toxic ones.

[tittyinfinity]

Sigh rant continued

Not to mention that my whole family offered to buy his kids Christmas presents because his family doesn't celebrate it (and it's not for religious reasons, it's because D's parents NEVER bought any more than one outfit per kid [9 of them], never bought them any toys, and they saw Christmas as "kids just wanting to be spoiled," and now D doesn't think it's think it's important to buy his kids anything, Christmas or not). All his kids' clothes amd toys were bought by MY FAMILY. I was the one who took them clothes/toys shopping on my DISABILITY income.

And the only reason he went broke and needed the help was because he blew through the $50k he had saved up from his $80k a year job he had 5-9 years ago. And the only reason he saved that up is because he just doesn't fucking buy anything other than alcohol and cigarettes. The 50k lasted him FIVE YEARS.

He started claiming "no one else will hire me for for 80k a year again so I might as well just give up and spend all the money that could have been a down payment on a house or a college fund for my kids'

He ended up getting a job for a few months in between those 5 years (2019) and quit and never tried again. He had rental assistance at that time and lost it because of quitting that job. Then came the "no one will hire me or rent to me anymore because of that" and "i can't get rental assistance now because of that". He had a free babysitter (me) and a free car to get there with (mine). But no, I guess the job just sucked or whatever.

So his whole "I can't get my own lease bc I don't have paystubs" "I can't get a job because I dont have the resources to do so" sounds super sus to me. My uncle' landlord was willing to rent out to him simply based on the fact that he had enough money left over up to consistently pay rent for a few months until he found a job (he never even looked). You're telling me no other landlord would have seen his bank account and been willing to work with him? Especially in those few years when he still had tens of thousands saved up?

And "no one will hire him bc he has no work history for the past few years"? With his resume including him being at the top of a company from 2013-2017? An 80k a year job? Like yeah, NOW he can't get a job bc his dad doesn't let him leave the house and stole all his shit, he doesn't even have an ID now, but when he was staying with me and at my uncle's? What fucking excuse did he have then? I never saw him apply for a job. Not even once.

But nah, he ran out of money finally and needed the donation money to get an old friend states away to come get him, just to end up back at his parents' house "because it didn't work out." Ungrateful ass had like 20 people donate to him and he just fucked it all off. Making ME feel like a scammer. Yeah, the money DID help in that situation, but it ended up being all for nothing.

And now I can't even get a response from him about the car in my uncle's driveway that he said he'd move WEEKS ago and my whole family keeps giving ME shit for it.

I got into his car last night and half of his kids' clothes were in there, moldy as fuck. The ice that froze over his passenger window shattered it. It won't even turn on now, but I think it's bc my sister's sketchy ass boyfriend who previously asked me if he could steal parts off of it actually did it. So now the car most likely has to be trashed. Bc D just doesn't fucking care about anything!

Every conversation we've had over the last few months has been "my life is so horrible, my dad stole my keys and my debit cards (true) and won't let me leave the house (also true) but I don't wanna live with you, your mom, or your uncle who are all offering me a place to live FOR FREE because I'm such a horrible person and I don't deserve anything, I suck, my kids just have to learn that life sucks, everyone should hate me"

I ended up going off on him after him calling me drunk every single night to tell me about how horrible he is. Conversations like

– "Hey D! I had a nice time with my family today :)"

"Yeah well good for you because my family hates me and I never have fun."

– "wow, D! You're so gorgeous and I love your face😊"

"I'm just an ugly horrible person, no one should like me."

– "I'm having trouble with parenting and I just need to vent."

"At least you have people who will watch your kid for you when you're overwhelmed. My parents just tell my kids to leave them alone and take away all their toys because 'it's not fair that their grandkids get toys when none of their kids ever did'" (that's true, but that's not the fucking time to talk about it.)

I was there for him the way I wanted someone to be there for me when I was that depressed. I thought I could help him. Instead, I became more depressed from him constantly draining my emotional energy by having to tell him all day every day that he doesn't suck. He bought a half gallon of alcohol every day and I turned into an alcoholic bc of how depressing life was being with him. I went to the hospital for alcohol poisoning twice this year and found out I smashed holes in my uncle's wall while I was blacked out after he denied that my kid has autism and blamed his behavior on my parenting. I had NEVER in my life done something like that, or anything else I did while trying to keep up with how much he drank (like passing out in my mom's sunroom naked for my family to find me like that). I'm completely sober now except for the few weekends I drank with my friends and NONE of that behavior has returned.

He was just so fucking horrible to my mental health. I did everything for him. Let him live with me. Shared my car with him. Risked my own mental health to save his. Took care of his kids. Fed everyone with my food stamps. GOT $300ish DONATED FOR HIM FOR GAS TO MOVE OUT OF HIS PARENTS.

And I can't even get a response from him to use his own profile on my family's hulu account instead of using mine or to ask about why his car is still sitting at my uncle's after promising forever ago he'd move it once he mailed his keys to me (which I recieved a month ago). He said he'd pull money out of his 401k to take care of it. And I was like...

YOU HAVE A FUCKING 401K YOU COULD HAVE PULLED MONEY OUT OF THIS WHOLE TIME AND YOU ASKED ME TO ASK OTHERS FOR HELP?????

Fucking ungrateful piece of shit. I'm done dealing with his ass

Helped my ex out with all that donation shit to make sure he and his kids had a fucking place to go other than his abusive dad's house and he can't even give me the time of day to talk about important shit about getting his car back to him because I made him mad when I told him he was being shitty to his kid.

I stg he's constantly changing between the best person in the world and the worst person in the world. We've stayed friends between breakups for 5 years but now I don't even wanna be his friend. I'm still worried about his kids but fuck it I have my own kid and I can't save every abused child in the world.

Just can't get over how his daughter started calling me "mom" right before his parents ripped her and her brother away from me.

[proteuus]

I look like such an asshole rn but I am so sleepy and warm I do not care

[ishizizzle]

can't believe I had to grow up to realize the Rich Aunt in my family was actually a complete, absolute jackass the whole time

[nochuvalencia]

𝐁 𝐁 𝐇 𝐌 𝐌 - jjk

I was basically inspired by these ^^^ pics of jk bc wow hot hi

⚠️ ALSO QUICK DISCLAIMER :: this is my first fanfic on here so it might be terrible but enjoy anyway. ⚠️

𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 :: reader x crimeboss!jk

𝘴𝘶𝘮𝘮𝘢𝘳𝘺 :: bitch you better have his money.

𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 :: ABSOLUTE SMUTTY FILTH heh angst too ig

𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 :: 11.9k

𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 :: long haired tatted jk, that’s it, that’s the warning, uh kinda sketchy plot hsjsjsj, WOW ANGST ASF at the beginning tho, dub!con towards the middle don’t hurt me, fuck or die ig, gunplay????? yeah????? jks BLATANT OVERUSE of pet names, dacryphillia, major-ish character death, describing the injuries on a dead body, jk has a sir kink ig??? um excessive over exaggerated choking bc jks hands yum, explicit seggs, rough jk, he’s kinda mean, dom!jk, sub!reader, oral m&f receiving (facefucking on both ends), coochie sniff if you squint, coochie slaps if u squint too, spanking, OVERSTIMULATION, unprotected seggs, degradation, he calls her a bitch once idk, other bad names, praise too ig, jk gives an ultimatum, SLIGHT aftercare, he kinda like switches from flirty to murderous like a bunch of times it’s kinda weird, jk has an impossibly huge shlong obv, contemplating death, super mature themes, reader is a BIG fucking crybaby, overuse of the word fuck, corruption kink at the end if u squint super hard, also DUB!CON in case you didn’t see it, at this point I should just write what it doesn’t have

“If you’re not out of my house in 3.4 seconds, I'm dragging you out by the testicles” you uttered, your alarmingly calm voice laced with raw brutality as hot tears cascaded down your burning cheeks, your arm outstretched and pointed toward the blinding light of the hallway that contrasted with your dark bedroom. You said nothing more, with your eyes trained angrily at one of the four blank tan walls nearby, not possibly being able to bear speaking to or sparing a glance into the eyes of a cheating whore. The woman you had just caught him with scurried past you wearily, a terrified and confused glint in her eyes as she passed your frigid frame sans underwear, with her sparkly silver pumps dangling from her fingers and a wrinkly silver dress hanging limply from the clutches of her other hand. The man in question shuffled cautiously around the bed, clutching the exposed parts of his body and approaching you with extreme hesitation and outstretched hands, as if trying to calm the already blazing flames of your fury. He laid a cold, rough hand on your shoulder squeezing softly, a motion that once brought you comfort but only added the all consuming hatred that bubbled up inside you akin to ravenous bile filling up the pit of your belly. “Did you not hear what I said? Get out.” You spat, glossy eyes still pointed toward anything but him.

“____ please” he croaked, like the slimy frog he truly was, his voice dripping in false agony which only neared you closer to the brink of undoubtedly committing an act of extreme violence against that man. “Please baby it wasn’t-'' you blanked. He was about to make an excuse. A stupid, rediculous, horrible, completely false excuse which you had absolutely no patience to hear. So you snapped, harshly shrugging your shoulder and sending his arm flying back to his side. He stepped back, ceasing his incessant chatter as he stared at you, a surprised expression painting his “pained” features. He wasn’t accustomed to you acting like this, you were never one to raise your voice or act out in any sort of way so he stood there, eyes widened in dumbfounded silence and you took this chance, bending down, scooping up as much of his discarded clothing as you possibly could and throwing it in his face, your rage bubbling over into something much more carnal as you inhaled deeply through your nose.

“Shut the fuck up and leave!” He scrambled to catch as many clothes as he could and was taken aback by your abrupt outburst. He stood silent once again though this time, he was making the face he often made when forcing himself to cry. It was the face he made around his mother to get out of family responsibilities. The face he made around his friends when guilt tripping them into buying him drinks, and now he's using it for you. To guilt you into taking pity on his pathetic actions which merely was the catalyst for your unforgiving violence. In an instant you were behind him, heaving him out of the door with your bare hands, pushing with all your might, using the immense pain coursing through your limbs as motivation to drive his beefy frame further and further out of the bedroom, down the hallway, into the living room and closer to the door yelling “I said leave! Leave! Now!” Pushing harder and harder with every word you choked out. The tears began to flow faster, clouding and distorting your vision as your face contorted into an expression of pure anguish until finally, he was forced out of the open doorway and into the main hallway of your apartment building. You promptly slammed the door in his face and the only thought traveling though your mind was ‘thank god she left that door open’ because you wouldn’t have been able to force him through it otherwise.

You stood silently for a few seconds, back to the door, face still slick with tears as the cool wood on your back shook senselessly with every beat of his fist and muffled shout of his voice crying phrases like “____ open the fuking door!” , “this is my apartment too baby come on” and other variations of the sort. Your mind was empty while you remained there, letting the harsh reality sink in like the slowest molasses. You allowed that man, that pig, to take 10 years of your life. 10 years of your prime. 10 years that you'll never get back no matter how much you beg and plead for it. Come to think of it, you had shaped your entire life around him. His influence was there no matter how much you wished it wasn’t. His residue staining your life like the blackest ink of which you would never be able to rid yourself. At the surfacing of these thoughts, you’d finally broke down and cried, like ugly cried. Broken heaves and sobs escaped your throat until you felt like you were suffocating as you slid down the door, not caring if he heard your wails and whines of torment on the other side of the polished mahogany. You actually hoped he did hear, you wanted him to hear the anguish and grief he put you through. You wanted him to hear you cry out all of your attachment and love for him until there was none left, so he knows the tears flowing from your body hold all of the affection you harbor for him. All ten years of attraction flowing out in a gigantic tsunami of grief that can only end in a new start.

Your mind played through all the memories, and the small amount of good times you had with each other while you sobbed mercilessly, also coming to the realization that he never did anything for you. Ever since you were 14 you’d been changing everything about yourself for him, while he merely lived his life, dragging you along like a supportive little puppy and rewarding you with cheap token gifts and mediocre sex once in a blue moon.

He wanted to attend university in your hometown so you abandoned your dream school, which accepted you, to attend a closer college. He made the decision to study abroad, so you had to drop everything and move to Australia for him. He wanted to wait to have kids so you froze your fucking eggs for him. He got a great new job at a large company in Asia, so you dropped everything again and moved to South Korea. You learned Korean for him. You have the same friends as him. You even cut a few family members off because he was “uncomfy” around them. He wouldn’t even go down on you because it also made him ‘uncomfy’, which should’ve been a red flag from the start. You did all of this bullshit in the haze of love. The promise that he’d reciprocate all of it in affection and adoration, which he didn’t, and now you’re sitting in your living room bawling your brains out because you were too lovestruck to see the signs.

After sobbing hysterically for what seemed like hours, you’d sat limply in front of your door, slouching back onto it as if it were a plush armchair and staring blankly into space, your mind completely empty. Feeling overwhelmed and exhausted beyond belief, you leaned forward, groaning in anguish as your tired muscles cried out in distress after being immobile for more than four hours. Crawling over to the couch, you tiredly flung your nearly paralyzed body onto the soft cushions with a sigh, not even bothering to pull the fluffy throw blanket over your body as your entire frame began to steadily shut down. Before your eyes completely shut, you caught a glimpse of the clock perched on the wooden tv stand which read 11:11 and scoffing quietly as you thought to yourself, ‘I thought that was supposed to mean good luck’ and you gave in to the delicious expanse of slumber.

You were startled awake by the incessant pounding of your now ex-boyfriends fist on the door, again. For the past 4 days since you’d forced him out, he’d show up outside your door at the ass crack of dawn just banging on the door profusely, as if that would persuade you to open it an inch. He had a schedule, he’d come at 5am, before he went off to work, then at 12:30 on his lunch break, then again at 9:45 just to make you miserable before you went to bed. You’re actually surprised the neighbors haven’t complained to the landlords yet. You tossed the blanket off of your sticky body, kicking and thrashing wildly due to the annoyance caused by that nuisance.

You cried more times than you can count during these last 4 days, especially during the times he would attempt to win you over with sappy shit like “baby, you’re my everything, you’re all i’ve ever wanted”, the lyrics to one of your favorite songs or, “you’re my forever ____, you can’t just throw 10 years away babe” to which you cried about for 3 hours after he’d said it, after realizing that he actually wasted 10 fucking years of your life. Anger bubbled up in the pit of your stomach as you listened to the repetitive banging of his fist and at this point you had enough and came to the decision it was finally time to pack his shit. Stomping into the living room, you grabbed a necessary box of bags that sat on the coffee table in the center of the room, figuring you were ready to use it. With a final nod of your head, you marched into your shared bedroom and opened all of the cabinets and drawers that contained the plethora of his belongings and flinging them on the floor, grabbing the box of xl trash bags you’d snagged on your march in here and started tossing things in left and right, not caring about the brand name or the state of the fabric or anything for that matter. All you saw was red as your eyes welled up with tears for the first and probably not last time that day.

“I can’t do this” you sobbed out, voice hoarse as you fell to your knees, ignoring the rugburn that was soon to form on those areas as your shoulders shook with every harsh breath you took. You had been dreading this task. Dreading it only for its significance that once you packed all his things and tossed them out, your relationship would be truly over. You definitely didn’t want him back but this would be the first time you’ve been alone in 10+ years and you were not certain you were prepared for that let alone wanting it. Inhaling shakily, you sniffed, ridding your face of any moisture as you cleared your throat and walked back into the kitchen, grabbing the bottle of chardonnay from your anniversary that fell on the week prior and venturing back into the closet to resume your task. You weren’t much of a drinker but for this task, you’d need a bottle or two.

A few hours later, he’d finally went off to work and you sat in the doorway of the closet, drunkenly dressed in the wedding gown you were made to be wed in this summer still combing through all of his clothing and tossing them messily into a bag that laid open on the floor beside you. You took a swig from the bottle, hissing softly at the satisfying burn that seared it’s way down your throat and rubbing at your puffy eyes with the knuckle of your index finger. The closet was mostly bare, except for a rack with some of his clothes and one rack of semi-expensive clothing his cheap ass reluctantly purchased for you and you glanced around, catching a glimpse of some ugly floral fabric in the corner of the small space. Getting on your hands and knees you reached a limp hand out, taking hold of the horrendous fabric and dragging it out with a groan, eyes wide at the surprising heft of the object in your hand.

It was a pillowcase. A pillowcase full of something brick shaped. You raised an eyebrow quizzically before reaching into the bag and pulling out a fat stack of cash. Taking a sharp intake of breath you paused, staring blankly at the wrapped wad in your hand and cocking your head to the side. You peeked over into the bag after a few minutes, eyes popping out of your skull as they feasted on more huge stacks of money. It was Korean currency but there had to be at least 250k USD worth in the entire sack. You furrowed your brows, tossing the money back into the pillowcase forcefully as a tornado of thoughts whirled in your mind. Had he been saving behind your back? Was he planning on getting rich then eventually hanging you out to dry for some younger girl? How long has he had all of this? Where the fuck did it all come from?

You looked back at the money then back at the corner you found it in, squinting as you spotted some more ugly purple fabric. Crawling behind the clothing earnestly, you managed to fish out 4 more pillowcases full of money. You stifled a laugh, having never been in the presence of so much currency, you guessed it had to be more than 1 million dollars. You smiled for the first time in 4 days, lips curling up into a wide joy filled expression as you dumped all of the money onto the rugged floor of the closet. With all of the alcohol coursing through your veins, (almost a whole bottle) you didn’t hesitate to grab the biggest tote bag you own and stuff as much money as it could hold inside. You figured it was the least he could do after cheating on you.

He deserved to pay, and you obviously deserved a raise.

It was a full on shopping spree. After throwing all of his shit into bags, you tossed them outside your door and left with as much money as you could carry before he could come back on his lunch break. You even came back to get some more money, just to go out and spend it again. To say you splurged would be an understatement, you spent almost half of the money on clothes, shoes, a hair and makeup appointment, a manicure, a new car, and you even paid rent for six months after taking his name off the lease.

So here you were, struggling up the stairs as quick as you could, due to the fact that it was 9:30 and you were trying to avoid seeing him at his 9:45 visit. Your feet screamed in agony in your new jimmy choo pumps, because you’d been on them all day, and you had at least six shopping bags hanging from each arm, all full with an assortment of gaudy items such as shoe boxes, makeup products, and clothing. You had finally reached the door after a while, smiling at the absence of his bags which meant he took them and swiftly unlocked the door, clamoring in and tiredly dropping the bags in your hands. With a sigh, you locked the door, running a hand through your freshly styled hair as you rid your face of the designer sunglasses that shielded it. Kicking off your shoes, you hummed gratifyingly at the pleasurable feeling of bare feet and shuffled over to your couch, plopping down on the end cushion groggily.

A soft buzz in your back pocket caught your attention as you carefully fished out the new phone you purchased and unlocked it with your perfectly manicured fingers, raising an eyebrow quizzically as the texts rolled in, ‘i thought i blocked him’ you thought, preparing to do it a second time before a few texts caught your attention and you froze on the spot, chuckling heartlessly at his words.

+82 2 2263 5950 : whose car is in our parking spot?

+82 2 2263 5950 : did you already move on?

+82 2 2263 5950 : wow whore

You rolled your eyes, wondering where he attained the gaul to accuse you of a feat such as that. Calling you a whore as if that name isn’t suitable for himself. Even more so than you. You decided to text him back, feeding off of an unknown source of confidence as your fingers furiously tapped along the screen.

me : it’s my car asshole

me : bought it with the money u left me

me :thx baby <3

+82 2 2263 5950 : what money?

me : the money in the closet you didn’t bother telling me abt u dumb fuck

+82 2 2263 5950 : don’t use that money

me : why should i listen to you?

me : you aren’t my bf

+82 2 2263 5950 : no seriously ____ don’t use that money wtf is wrong with u

me : already did bye babe

You blocked him as quickly as you could, face burning with absolute anger as you tossed your phone on the cushion beside you. Who is he to tell you what you could or couldn’t do? You had come to the decision then and there that you wouldn't let him treat you like a child. He wasn’t your dad. Thanks to him you barely speak to your dad. The only thought going through your mind at the time was ‘fuck him.’ Before you could delve into your thoughts any further, it started. His incessant pounding on the door. Again. Although, this time it was much more frantic, desperate. He was much louder with his pathetic pleas and whines, crying out “please don’t use that money!”, “Listen to me god damn it!”, “___ open the fucking door now!” But you stood your ground, ignoring him once again as you did for the past few days.

Just to escape the racket of his wails of desperation, you retreated to your room, slipping on one of his expensive balenciaga sweatshirts you kept for yourself and climbing into the cool blankets, burying yourself under the plush fabric and folding your pillow over your ears. You knew this would be the longest night of your life..

And you were correct, It was the longest night of your life. He never truly got the memo that you would not be coming out to communicate with him so he finally left at around 1:30 in the morning. You had slept horribly, tossing and turning as the aftermath of his cries and pleads left a print on your mind and tormented you at all hours of the night, you didn’t manage to get any real sleep until around eight and woke up a mere five hours later in a state of confusion. It was well past noon and yet it was silent, you had woken up of your own volition, not because of some crazy man outside of your apartment screaming like a banshee. In due time, you had come to the conclusion that he had finally given up and gone about his day without banging on his ex-girlfriend's apartment door like an idiot at all hours of the day.

This theory was almost set in your mind until you heard a knock. Groaning violently, you stared up at your ceiling, eyebrows furrowed as you erased that theory from the whiteboard in your cortex. Fully prepared to ignore the person at the door, you rolled over to your side until another knock was heard. This wasn’t him. This couldn’t be him. The knocks were way too soft, they lacked an element of urgency, desperation. They were simply just way too calm. So, you sat up, swinging your legs over and reluctantly standing up, before making your way into the living room to be greeted with another knock and a smooth male voice calling out. “Miss ___ ___?”

You glanced wearily though your peep hole to be met with a tall male, dressed in a blue and white uniform. “Looks like a cop. He called the fucking cops on me, shit.” you whispered to yourself, voice small as you held onto the door handle. Figuring it’d be worse to make him wait, you opened the door, being met with the warm, dimpled smile, of the decorated individual. “Yes, i”m ____” you respond, shoving your hands into the pockets of your sweatshirt and looking everywhere but him, which probably seems more suspicious than anything but you were too riddled with anxiety to care. The officer clutched a navy blue manilla folder in his hand and opened it promptly in order to sift through its contents.

“Hi, i’m officer Kim.” he breathed out, calmly bowing and resuming his apparent spiel, “do you know this man?” he pondered, raising an eyebrow quizzically as he pulled a photo from his folder with calloused fingers and lifted it, spinning it around to face you. Your eyes widened slightly upon being shown a picture of your ex and you nodded hesitantly.

“He’s my ex boyfriend- well ex fiance I guess.” you responded, voice barely audible as your mind raced faster than the speed of sound. You asked yourself what he could’ve done that was bad enough for the police to show up at your door. Maybe you had been too harsh on him and he had gotten into one to many bar fights, maybe he robbed a bank at gunpoint, maybe he stole some old lady’s car and filled it with off brand mayonnaise before he returned it. All your questions- all your thoughts stopped as Officer Kim responded, running a tired hand through his hair.

“He passed, earlier today.” he paused, giving you time to digest things and you froze, staring at his face blankly as your mind processed what you had just been told and you hummed questioningly, your throat becoming tight with realization. “It happened around five this morning,” he paused again as you stood in complete silence. Sure you hated him but you’d never wish death upon another person, especially him. You hate him now but you were in love with him once too. You hate him now but, he was the closest person in your life. He was all of your firsts, your fiance, your best friend. You thought you wouldn’t be able to get all of that back because of the breakup but now you truly can never get any of it back, because he’s dead. Then, you started to cry, for the hundredth time this week but this one was different. You weren’t crying because you missed him, or wanted him to come back like all the other times, as horrible as it sounds. You were crying because you felt bad. Because of his short life that was ripped from him by the unforgiving hand of death. You weren’t crying because of him, you were crying for him. A hand on your shoulder interrupted your sobs and you wiped your face, glancing up at the culprit with glassy eyes. “I’m so sorry for your loss...” he paused, giving you a few moments to breathe as he rubbed your shoulder comfortingly before speaking again, “but we have an idea of who did it, it would be helpful if you just came down to the station with me for some questioning.” he asked softly as the shaking sobs and whimpers that came from your body slowed to a halt and you nodded.

“Yeah, uh. Let me just go get dressed.” You muttered, smiling up at him softly and shuffling back to your room to prepare. The longest night of your life was about to turn into the longest day.

And you were correct again as you stood in front of your apartment door after the absolute, and I cannot stress this enough, longest day of your life. Your ex was murdered, brutally, and they made sure to go over all of the gory details with you while you were at the precinct, they even took you to see his body, which made you cry because it was mangled almost beyond recognition and you were horrified. Apparently, he had been tortured for hours, which explained all the bruises, gashes, and burn marks on his body, strangled, thus the huge ring shaped mark around his neck, and dumped into a river, which made his body all pruny and wrinkled. You had spent 10 long hours at the police precinct and it was now nearing midnight as you fished your keys from your pocket in order to unlock the door. Inserting your key, you jiggle it around in the lock for a minute before realizing it was already unlocked initially. Figuring you had left it unlocked accidentally in your depressed haze, you pushed your way into your apartment and locked it promptly, pressing your forehead into the cool wood of the door. You sighed softly, relaxing only for a minute as you absorbed your surroundings before freezing as you heard the rhythmic tapping of someone's foot.

“Long day huh?” the voice was deep, one you hadn’t heard before as you remained facing the door, your grip of the handle tightening until your knuckles turned white. He spoke again, “you must be ____.” he murmured softly, sending a terrified shudder down your spine. “I’ve been wanting to meet you but he said you were off limits. You know, he talks about you a lot-...” he stopped himself as if realizing something, “well talked, I mean.” the man mused, an ominous chuckle flowing from his mouth.

“Who are you?” you rasped, attempting to conceal any cowardice but blinking your eyes harshly as your voice broke. You vaguely hoped this was one of your ex’s friends coming to visit, at an odd hour of the night, sitting ominously in the dark of your apartment waiting for you to come home just to say hi but the chances of that actuality was very slim.

“None of your business” the man retorted, a smirk evident in his ominous tone. “Now, let’s get down to business little dove,” you furrowed your brows at the nickname. You had never been called a nickname, especially by a man who randomly just snuck into your apartment one night. Your ex only ever called you baby or babe so little dove was different for you. It seemed endearing in the worst type of way. “I want the rest of my money.” he paused, “I found half of it in a closet here, and he said you might know where the rest is.” he paused again, only this time a sound is heard, a metal rattling of some sort that ricochets off of the walls of the apartment like a stray jumping bean in a pill case. Then it hits you, he has a gun, and he just shook it as if he intends to use it. . “Don’t make me ask again sweetheart.” Your eyes widen and well up as your head falls down, knowing you're going to die today and you take a deep breath, telling yourself you’d be ready for whatever happens so you decide, if you’re gonna die, you should at least know the name of the man that’s gonna kill you so you scrape together every last drop of confidence you can muster and ask once more.

“I said, w-who are yo-” you choked out, in an attempt to hold onto the last shred of your dignity as you blinked back the tears threatening to fall from your glassy eyes. However, your small shred of confidence is promptly ripped from your grasp as the man cuts you off mid sentence, slamming his gun down onto a hard surface with a loud clatter. You jolt, crying out softly as the tears you’d been holding back with all your might fall onto the ground before you.

“I said none of your fucking business bitch where’s my fucking money.” he spat, his sinister tone draing a choked sob from your thoat as you realized, you wouldn’t be getting anything you wanted today. “Answer me” he said, alarmingly calm as the sound of him cocking his gun travels directly to your mind.

“I spent it” you muttered between your soft hiccups and stiffened slightly upon hearing a heavy footstep approach you, then another footstep, and another, and another until they cease, and you can feel the man's warm breath raising the hair on the back of your neck. All your readiness for whatever happens and willingness to die flies out of the window as you lean your head on the door once more, taking a shaky breath as you begin to plead, aware of how pathetic you sound and part of the reason why you have such a strong urge to cry harder. “Please don’t kill me” you whined desperately as you feel the cold metal of the gun barrel resting on your shoulder.

“Relax little dove” he whispered, his lips brushing the back of your ear and sending a chill rushing through the entire expanse of your body. “Just find a way to pay me back and we’re even,” he continued calmly, his raspy voice reverberating in your eardrums as you think through what he just said carefully. You gasp and sniffle, shaking your head softly and lifting it slowly from the wooden door frame.

“I-” you stopped, taking a deep breath and preparing yourself as much as you could for his response then opened your mouth to continue. “I don’t have that kind of money” you whispered hesitantly, shutting your eyes tightly, allowing nothing to escape but the numerous tears that fell to the ground in anticipation of his actions. There was an eerie silence as he contemplated your words before he abruptly turned away, lifting the gun from your shoulder and holstering it in the waistband of his jeans, causing you to let out a wavering breath you’d been holding that entire time. His hand traveled back up, taking refuge on your left shoulder as the other hand made its way up your right arm, the warmth setting your skin aflame and sending a shockwave of warmth coursing through your body.

“There is another way you could pay me back.” his velvet voice rasped, stressing the word ‘another’ in a way that you immediately understood his insinuation and you took a sharp intake of air, bracing yourself for what he was about to say next. But he didn’t say anything for a moment, letting his hands do the talking for him as he gripped your arms softly, using his hands to spin you around and face him. You whirled around, yelping in surprise but stopping when you were met with the most exquisite, carnivorous brown eyes you had ever seen in your life that were accompanied by full pink lips and a tousled bunch of fluffy black hair you just wanted to run your hands through. Even in the darkness of night, the moonlight streaming through the kitchen window illuminated the room enough for you to trail your eyes down his face and get a vivid idea of what he’d look like with illumination.

Yummy as fuck.

Your eyes began to wander down to his exposed collarbone and before they could travel any lower, his fingers roughly grabbed your chin, forcing your gaze upward until you met his borderline cannibalistic gaze, which crushed you into nothing. He cocked his head to the side, a mischievous glint in his eyes as the corner of his lips turn upward slightly. “He was always bragging about you… saying,” he speaks, his sultry tone lulling you into a state of compliance as he spoke, “you’re such a good fuck,” he continues, placing his left hand gently on your waist and stepping even closer, if that’s possible, his soft breath hitting your face with every word as he speaks. “Your sweet little cunt is so tight” he glances down at your lips, running his thumb over your bottom lip “your mouth feels like heaven” he pauses again, running his hand down to hold the side of your neck softly to which you gasp “maybe i’d like a demonstration little dove.” he smiles, a twisted horrifying smile that snaps you out of his seductive trance and back to reality as your eyes widen and you pull yourself quickly out of his hold, running over to the couch and bracing yourself on it.

“No” you cry out, out of breath for some reason as you swallow thickly and shake your head. “No, I'll find a way to pay you back, I promise.” you plead, praying he wasn’t going to kill you on the spot and that he hadn’t noticed your blatant ogling. He probably did but at this point you didn’t care, you just wanted him gone.

“Whatever you say sweetheart” he replied, emitting a dark chuckle “call me if you change your mind, my number’s in your phone” he opened the front door and you glanced back at him, noticing the way his all black attire contrasts with his tan skin, and most of all, you notice the full sleeve of tattoos that ran down his right arm. Heat crawled up to your face as you realized you were gawking again and you nodded in response, feeling unable to form the words to respond with. He only uttered the words “you have a week.” before the door slammed and you were left alone in the dark.

You ran your fingers along the side of your neck where the aftermath of his touch lingered like a searing residue. No one had ever touched you like that, especially your ex. He was the man that took your virginity and was the man there for every time after so you’d become accustomed to his textbook missionary vanilla sex that left you touch starved and unfinished every. single. time. But you’d finish yourself off each time, feeling bad because you thought he was trying his hardest and truly didn’t understand how to please women. But as time went on, you realized he didn’t care about your pleasure and too enveloped in his own release to ever worry about your needs, but were too deep in love with him to care.

Your thoughts were interrupted when your phone went off to signal a text and upon picking it up there were two text messages from an unknown number that sent a shiver down your spine which read.

+82 2 5284 8735 : don’t try to run

+82 2 5284 8735 : we’ll hunt you down little dove

“Can’t you just take the shit back?” You questioned frantically, clutching the phone by your head until your knuckles turned white, rolling your eyes tiredly when you got no response. “They hung up, great” you deadpanned, plopping onto the couch you had been pacing in front of. It has been 6 days since the man showed up and you were running out of time and hadn’t slept in two days, your mind running frantically with the thought of him coming back to see you nearly empty handed. Well, not exactly empty handed. You had managed to get 253k of the whopping +400k dollars you had spent of his money and after not being able to return the car, manicure, hair appointment, rent, and a bunch of clothes and shoes, you were manic. Some might even say a bit crazy. Many of the stores and the dealership knew you by name because of the amount of times you called them. You dropped your phone into your lap, burying your face in your hands and wishing someone was here to console you through this but the only person you knew even remotely enough to offer any consolation was your ex. You wish he was alive so you could punch that bitch in the face and ask him what kind of shit he got himself into because the man that paid you a visit was most definitely not from corporate.

You sat for a silent minute deliberating if you should text the mystery man and take him up on his offer. You had asked yourself, is it really worth your life? Were you really going to die because you didn’t want to sleep with the hot guy you stole money from? The answer at first was yes because you still had your pride intact then but now, you had been starting to second guess your confidence in getting all the money back. After all, the deadline is tomorrow. You still had your hesitations, the only man who has ever seen you in such a lewd nature was your ex. You didn’t know if you were ready for sex with another person, even if he was the hottest man you’d ever seen. But, against your better nature, you convinced yourself that your ex was gone and this was bound to happen sooner or later, so why not sooner?

You grabbed your phone in earnest before anything inside you could convince you to stop and unlocked it, opening the messages for his number and typing out your text, hitting send before any sort of regret had the chance to sink in.

me : i’ll take your offer

me : this is ____ btw

You placed your phone down on the couch cushions beside you and chewed nervously on the not so fresh manicure that was still on your nails. To your surprise, his reply came in quickly and you frantically reached for your phone as the dings came rolling in.

+82 2 5284 8735 : i know who you are

+82 2 5284 8735 : i'll be there in 20

+82 2 5284 8735 : be ready sweetheart

Your heart thumped restlessly as you shot up from your seat shouting “twenty minutes?!” and you cried out nervously. You hadn’t even seen his face in good lighting and you didn't know his name so you’d basically be fucking a complete stranger which scared you enough as it is but the fact that that stranger held you at gunpoint merely a week prior is what scared you shitless.

In the limited time that he gave you, you decided to freshen up a bit so you hopped in the shower. Your first shower in a few days after your psychotic state worsened. Humming in bliss, you relished in the feeling of the scalding water flowing over your skin as you took your time washing , shaving, and singing, in an attempt to rid yourself of the horrendous nerves that overtook your senses. After reluctantly stepping out of the steamy oasis, you’d decided on a white lingerie set you had gotten yourself for christmas but never got to wear for anyone because your significant other was always “working” or too tired/busy to take the time of day for you. Pairing the set with a matching white silk robe and not bothering to wear any shoes because you’re in your own house, you slicked your lips in a thick coat of gloss and applied some mascara and eyeliner to your tired eyes just to spruce up a bit. You figured, if you put effort into your appearance, then maybe he’d spare your life after the sex. You stared at yourself in the mirror, tying your robe, smacking your glossed lips together and ogling your appearance before a soft knocking was heard from the living room. “He’s here” you told yourself with a deep shaky breath as you vacated the bathroom and slowly ventured toward the door.

You stood silently before the front door, contemplating whether this was a mistake or if it was too late to turn back. As much as you hated to admit, there was no logical solution to your problem that was in compliance with any standing laws. Heck, what you were doing was probably illegal in everywhere but Las Vegas so you had no other choice than to twist the handle, open the door and stare up at the most alluring man you had ever laid eyes on. You ran your eyes all over his body, studying him, his features, his gorgeous eyes, impeccable nose, plush lips, smooth hair, and strong arms that lead to a presumed strong chest hidden under his plain white tee. He noticed you blatantly checking him out to which he placed a finger on your chin, lifting your face up so your eyes met and making you watch as he rolled his bottom lip into his mouth, sucking on it for a moment. Oh how you wished that was your lip.

“You ready little dove?” he asked, his tone seductive and smooth like chocolate as he walked closer to you, closing the door behind him and backing you up until you stood patiently before the couch staring up at him, a wistful glint in your eyes as you nodded. He reached up, using a finger to push your robe off of your right shoulder and cocking his head quizzically. “All dressed up just for me?” he pondered, his eyes trained on the white lace peeking out from under the robe. You nodded, to which he gripped your chin roughly, furrowing his eyebrows at your response. “Use your words sweetheart” he warned, loosening his grip so you could speak in affirmation.

“Yes…” your voice trailed off, thinking of what to call him, as you still didn’t know his name, so you addressed him as you would any man you didn’t know, “yes, sir. I dressed up just for you” you concluded, your voice barely greater than a whisper as the corners of his lips turned up. He let out an animalistic growl at the name you gave for him, obviously satisfied and moved his hand from your chin to grip the back of your neck promptly.

“It’s Jungkook, but sir will do nicely” he basically growled before latching onto your lips with carnal aggressiveness. You whined heartily into his mouth as his tongue slipped deftly into yours and intertwined with yours, causing your mind to fall into a haze as he coiled his arm around your waist, bringing your body flush against his toned frame. You reached up with shaky hands, fumbling with his shirt, eager to get it off of him and gaze upon the expanse of his abdomen. His lips detached for a moment, giving you the chance to pull his shirt over his head, which he gladly obliged and lifted his hands over his head, swiftly resuming their positions when his shirt formed a pile on the floor beside you. You leaned back in, attempting to capture his lips in another phenomenal kiss but he pulled back, leaving you to chase him and whine when you ultimately lose, to which he laughs mischievously, taking his hands off of your body and toying with the silk tie on the front of your robe.

“How do you want it baby?” he pondered, the new nickname sending shivers down your spine as you glanced at him quizzically, as if asking what he meant. He chuckled softly, tugging at the ribbon and opening your robe as he brought his hands up, carefully sliding it down your arms and bending down so his face was level with your collarbone. He placed a gentle kiss there, leaving fire in the wake of his lips as he spoke, his breath cooling the seared flesh, “would you like me to be gentle?” he asked leaving more hot kisses along the expanse of your shoulder and neck, drawing salacious sounds from your parted lips as he brought his hand up to rest at the base of your neck. “Or…” he paused, sliding his hand up and increasing the intensity of his grip on your throat, restricting the blood flow to your brain as your mind became hazy and your eyes rolled into the back of your head. “Do you want me to be rough?” he continued, lifting his head to watch your face as he loosened his grip. “It’s your choice little dove.”

You were elated, ecstatic and a little disappointed when he loosened his grip on your neck. Your ex was always into sex that lindered toward the vanilla side, as mentioned before, so he would never think to try anything like choking, which always intrigued you just a little bit. You wished you would have experienced other styles of love before you met him but you didn't, and this was your chance to try them out now. Your fingers travelled up, lightly grazing over that hand that was tightly wrapped around your neck. Whining quietly you rolled your bottom lip between your teeth, biting it softly as your other hand came up and wrapped around Jungkook’s forearm.

“I wanna try it rough” you mumbled, eyes closing as you relished in the hazy feeling this restriction gave you which only heightened as he tightened his grip.

“Perfect.” he groaned out almost inaudibly as he pulled your face to his, colliding your lips in the roughest, most passion filled kiss you’d ever experienced. He devoured your mouth with gluttonous amusement, his grip on your airway never wavering for a moment as he tongued you down, his carnal need prevalent and present in the thick air of the room. You reached up, completing a task you’d been wanting to do for days, tangling your hand in the messy black mass that fell upon his head, and relishing in the soft feeling of his waves. Then he detached from your lips and moved away, forcing your hands to fall from his hair and onto his broad shoulders, which, while pleasurable to touch, didn’t even come close to frolicking your fingers through his locks. He moved his hand from your neck to your shoulder, to which you whined with a small pout, missing the new contact as he chuckled at your eagerness. He stared at your lips, before leaning down and capturing your bottom lip between his teeth, biting down on it voraciously before he spoke. “Do you want me to put this slutty little mouth of yours to use little dove?” he asked, pulling back as if waiting for an answer, to which you obliged.

“Yes sir” You answered quite honestly in fact, as you felt all your hesitation and weariness about this task slip away. “Please put my mouth to use.” you pleaded, staring up at him, a wanton expression on your soft features.

“You’re so good for me .” he whispered, his soft breath fanning your face as you nodded in agreement, “such an obedient little dove, hmm?” he asked, to which you nodded once again, a bit more frantically this time as you awaited his cue. He used the hand on your shoulder to abruptly push you down with a small yelp so you were seated on the black leather couch behind you, the colder leather contrasting the burning lust in your entire body as you looked up at him. “Get to work slut.” Your eyes widened at the name. Maybe it was supposed to be an insult or he just liked calling you that but you couldn’t help the gargantuan wave of slick that coated your panties at the moment.

You looked down, a bit above eye level with his crotch as you reached up to palm him through his faded blue jeans. His scent was tantalizing, musky, and you couldn't get enough as you stared up at him through your eyelashes, your lips slightly parted as you gazed in awe. He gave you a warning glance, as if scolding you for teasing him for this long and you unzipped his pants. He held out his hand, as if to stop you before reaching behind his pants and pulling his gun from the back of his jeans. Your eyes widened, gaze now trained on the firearm in his hand, a horrified expression on your face as you ceased all actions. Which he noticed, peering down at you, a horrifying smile etched on his godlike features as he opened his mouth to speak.

“Relax darling, I won’t kill you,” he purred, reaching down and weaving the fingers of his free hand into the roots of your hair, grabbing and pulling back roughly so you have no other choice but to meet his dark eyes. “We’re only just getting started.” he lowered the gun, pressing the muzzle into the underside of your jaw, the cold metal like ice against your scalding skin. However, you felt no need to cry, felt no need to fear for your life even as this gun was pressed to your neck, aimed to kill, because you knew he wouldn’t do it. Through the dark facade and ominous gaze in his eyes there was something else that made you trust his inability to kill you. You realized you were enjoying the thrill, the excitement of putting your life in his hands. So, you did what any crazy bitch would do in this situation, you breathed out deeply, relaxing your shoulders and slouching yourself down to push your neck further onto the tip of the gun with a mischievous smile. Jungkook stared down at you in awe, running his tongue on the inside of his cheek and taking his gun off of your neck before tossing it over to the end of the couch behind you.

Resuming your actions with a shaky breath, you tugged his pants down until they fell to his ankles and placed your hands on the sides of his underwear clad hips. You might’ve been inexperienced in his style of fucking but you sure knew how to give a good blowjob, so you got to work, placing open mouthed kisses to his clothed appendage. You looked up at him once more seeing the lust clouded haze that filled his deep brown eyes. After a bit of teasing, you hooked your fingers in the waistband of his underwear, pulling it down in a seductively slow manner as you allowed his needy cock to spring free, and you stared up at it with a gasp.

It was huge.

You didn’t really know what qualifies as huge because the only dick you’ve ever had was around 6 inches on a good day but this alluring appendage swinging before your face had to be at least 9 inches long and you wondered how the fuck you were going to fit it all in your mouth let alone your pussy, which was already aching for it. Your mouth involuntarily opened wider in anticipation of his delicious dick inside and you grabbed the base, with two hands, drawing a hiss from the man that stood over you as he kicked off his shoes and the rest of the clothing that pooled around his feet. You licked teasingly up the sides of his dick, stopping at the tip to swirl your tongue around it, and catching some salty precum when you did. You glanced up at him and he looked absolutely furious in the best sort of way. Frustrated to the max as you teased him mercilessly, only spending meere fleeting moments at the spots which needed the most attention.

Then he snapped, taking you by surprise and using his hand that was still tangled in your hair to hold you still while he shoved his cock in your mouth. You tried to gasp but it merely came out as a small strangled whimper that was cut off as his length reached that back of your throat. You moved your hands to the sides of his hips once again, bracing yourself as he slowly pulled his member out of your mouth, most likely winding up for another thrust. He propelled his hips forward once again, stuffing not nearly all of his cock into your mouth, as his tip grazed the back of your throat. The feeling of him completely filling your mouth had you livid, your eyes rolling to the back of your head as you moaned, the vibrations reverberating onto his appendage which drew a salacious moan from his plush parted pink lips.

“Fuck, your mouth feels like heaven.” he moaned out, then he started to fuck your face, tears pooling in your eyes while his dick basically hit the back of your throat with every harsh stroke of his hips as he gripped on your hair tighter. After one particularly hard thrust, he held his length down your throat as tears rolled down your cheeks and you gagged around him. He took his cock out of your mouth, to which you gasped, swallowing the spit that pooled in your mouth with an aroused groan.

“Tastes so good.” you mumbled, not possibly being able to get enough as he shoved his cock back into your mouth and fucked your throat relentlessly. The tension building in you was too much to bear and your need to cum only heightened as his actions resumed. You arched your back slightly, pushing your clothed clit into the black leather cushions of the couch as you gyrated into it slowly, praying he wouldn’t notice and would be too invested in fucking your throat to realize.

You were wrong. He noticed immediately.

He halted all movements, taking his cock from your throat and grabbing your neck harshly, to which you gasped, whimpering as he pulled you up to stand in front of him, cock slapping the front of your body as you stared at his face in anticipation of his actions. You could imagine what you looked like right now swollen glossy lips, and tear stains running down your face because you didn’t bother to wear your waterproof mascara. You never needed it any other time so you figured why would you need it now. Oh how wrong you were.

“Dirty little dove, trying to get off on the couch because you want me that bad?” he rasped, nearing closer to your face with each word and you nodded frantically, basically begging him to do something, anything. “Words” he barked, drawing a cry from your lips as you thought of what to say.

“I want your cock, please sir.” you begged, before he groaned hungrily and captured your lips in a ravenous kiss, taking you by surprise. No one had ever kissed you after they’d fucked your throat before so why would he do it. You didn’t dwell on that thought for too long before melting into his touch and wrapping your arms around his neck. Jungkook took his free hand, trailing it around your body to unclasp the back of your bra, your eyes going wide at the skillful ease of his fingers. He snatched the white lace clothing off of your frame, tossing it to the other side of the room and reaching back up to cup one of your soft breasts in his hand, flicking the nipple with his index finger and making you sigh satisfactorily into his mouth. He leaned forward, taking you with him as he lowered both of you back onto the couch, settling himself between your newly opened legs and never breaking the kiss. He unlatched his hand from your neck, trailing it down your body as the other hand continued to knead your breast skillfully. His burning touch slowly ventured further and further down your abdomen until he reached the band of your panties and abruptly tore the thin while lace from your body to your dismay and discarding it on the floor beside him. You whined sadly, as those had been your favorite pair of underwear but barely had any sort of time to grieve as you felt two rough fingers dip into the wetness of your slit, trailing them up and stopping right over the spot you needed him to be at, pulling a moan from your still swollen lips.

He began kissing a trail down your body, stopping for a mere moment to suck on the pert bud of your free breast before resuming his path of destruction. He moved his hands to settle on the inner sides of your thighs, spreading them apart and sighing as he got a glimpse of the treasure between them. Your eyes widened upon realizing his destination as you scooched away, holding a handful of his tousled black hair in an attempt to grab his attention.

“I-…” you paused, chewing on your bottom lip and thinking of how to word your statement. “i’ve never asked anyone to do that for me before, so y- you don’t have to do it.” you stuttered wearily as the nerves set in. No one’s face had ever been remotely close to your womanhood and the thought of it sent a chill down your spine as you released his hair from your grasp. You wondered what it would even be like. He glanced up at you, eyes dilated as he chuckled, a dark chuckle that made you shiver as he tightened his grip on your thighs, yanking you closer to his face and taking a deep drag of your scent once you were close enough.

“Oh baby I want to” he basically moaned out, licking his lips and glancing down at your glistening slit, the corners of his lips turning up in a hungry smile. You raised an eyebrow, asking yourself ‘why the fuck would he want to do that?’, and ‘isn’t this for my pleasure?’, but all your concerns were answered once he spoke again. “I can’t wait to make you writhe on my tongue little dove” he muttered, causing your cheeks to burn with the intensity of a thousand suns as he talked into your soaking entrance. “... make you beg and cry without even using my cock.” he continued, releasing your left thigh from his grip as he placed a hand on your pubic mound, lowering his thumb and slowly beginning to circle your clit eliciting a loud wail from you. “You think, if I had the power to turn you into a messy little whore all for me just by using my mouth, I wouldn’t use it at any chance I could?” He asked and you whined, nodding as your hips stuttered up in desperate need of more friction. “It’s all about power baby, and I have it all here” he groaned, watching you clench pathetic around nothing.

Then, he finally gave you what you wanted. His hand resumed its grip on your thigh, forcing it away from the other as his thumb was swiftly replaced by his warm tongue licking up and down your wet sex. You moaned, placing your shaky hands on the mounds of your chest, toying with your nipples just to add to the pleasurable sensations he was creating with his tongue. This feeling was unlike any ecstasy you had ever felt and you never wanted it to stop. His tongue slipped deftly into your soaked entrance twisting and turning skillfully as you keened loudly. His warm wet appendage swirling around your wet cavern was the best feeling in the entire world and you knew if he continued ravaging you at this pace, you’d cum in no time. But, you needed this release. You needed to let go of all this pent up sexual frustration you didn’t even know you harbored. You needed to experience your first orgasm in months, if not years, that wasn’t self inflicted and you hoped and prayed with all your heart that it would come soon.

He switched his focus,, moving his tongue up to play with your aching clit and slipping two fingers into your formerly empty hole with a deep groan that reverberated through your core like a powerful vibrator which only intensified your moans and cries of pleasure. You looked down on yourself to see the delicious sight of him devouring your cunt ruthlessly, the sight alone almost tipping you over the edge as you brought your hands up, covering your eyes while you neared completion.

“Jungkook you’re gonna make me cum.” you called out, an exasperated cry leaving your lips when your impending orgasm was painfully ripped away from you as all his motion stopped. You uncovered your eyes, about to stare down when your body jolted, a harsh sting being felt directly on your clit, sending a wave of warmth barreling through your entire body. Then you understood, he slapped you, and you peered down at him, your eyes glassy due to the orgasm that was ripped from your grasp.

“Who? said you can cum.” he deadpanned menacingly, staring up at you through hooded eyes as you leaned your head back tiredly, realizing the error in your words and prepared to beg, just like he said you would.

“Sir” you cried, holding your arms limply over your head as you continued to plead. “Sir please, please make me cum.” you begged mercilessly, a tear of relief sliding down your cheek as he resumed his assault on your core, attacking at a steady pace and retrieving the all too familiar knot that formed in the pit of your stomach. You reached up, grabbing the edge of the couch with an iron grip, your knuckles turning white as your hips began circling on his face, your clit rubbing against his tongue with every movement and venturing you closer to your sweet release.”Please don’t stop sir, oh my god” you whined loudly, fucking his face relentlessly as you chased your high, nearing it more and more with each thrust of your hips until he finally pushed you off the brink of ecstasy, a scream leaving your lips as Jungkook continued his unrelenting attack on your pained pussy.

You rode out your high, writhing and panting before him, his pace never faltering, his fingers never slowing, his tongue never relenting and it soon became too much. The euphoric delirium quickly turned into madness as you barreled down the path into overstimulation. You wailed pathetically, thrashing under his hold as the pleasurable pain consumed your body and you could barely form a coherent sentence but you persevered, scraping all the coherent thoughts you could muster and turning them into tangible words that sat on the tip of your tongue, ready to be spoken. “Sir please, it's too much!” you cried to which Jungkook finally let up, slowing his pace to a halt and sitting back.

“Oh my god that was so fucking hot” he growled before sucking on his glossy fingers and cleaning around his mouth with his skilled tongue as he gazed amusedly upon your exhausted body. But he was nowhere near done with you. This fact made apparent when he stood and wrapped an arm around your hip, lifting your limp body and turning you over with ease, positioning you so your face was pressed into the now warm couch cushion and your ass was raised high into the air before him. His eyes rolled at the view of your swollen cunt bent over for him and he gave it a light smack, eliciting a pained, but tired yelp from you as he chuckled muttering “you’re going to drive me crazy little dove.” under his breath.

He crouched down, coming face to lips with your abused cunt as he wrapped his arms around your bent bottom, lacing his fingers together as they rested at the arch of your back and dragging his nose up the tortured path of your slit, drawing whines and cries of overstimulation from your wiggling frame as you tried to get away from the punishing menace that was his face. “No, please. I can't take anymore, it's too much.” You whimpered, your voice muffled as you leaned your face into the couch tiredly to which he obliged, reluctantly, as he stood, grabbing his neglected dick in hand and pointing it toward your pink entrance.

“I can’t wait to stretch your pretty little pussy ____.” he purred and you moaned at the sound of your name slipping off of his tongue like the creamiest butter. He dragged his tip along your swollen clit, abusing it again for what seemed like the millionth time that day as he covered his girth in your slick, a guttural groan emitting from the back of his throat. Then, abruptly, he sunk into your slippery cavern, barely all the way in but you’d never felt so full in your entire life as he pushed forward slowly, filling you up and providing you with the most delicious stretch you’d ever felt. Your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you whined, a desperate whine that you could barely register was your own voice as he pushed his length completely inside of you, his head falling back and your name, rolling off of his tongue once again.

After barely giving you time to adjust to his alarming size, he reeled his hips back before slamming into you again, and again, and again, over and over again until he was fucking you at an unrelenting speed you barely knew was possible to achieve. Suffering from the overwhelming pleasure he forced you to endure, you shut your eyes tight, crying out in strangled indulgence as you grasped onto the fluffy throw blanket strewn lazily over the couch in front of you. You relished in the sting of his girth, staring ahead blankly with glassy eyes as he rammed into you with a punishing speed and black mascara filled tears streamed down your cheeks.

You knew you were about to cum soon, again, only due to the all too familiar feeling accumulating in the pit of your belly. Jungkook reached down, placing a hand on your shoulder blade and pressing your chest further into the couch while he drilled into you, moaning and cursing at the feeling of you flexing deliciously around his cock. He felt you were close, so he moved his hand, snaking it around your waist and trailing his other hand to assume its position around your neck, hoisting you up so your back was arched against his abdomen and you had no choice but to stare up at him as he talked down on you, never slowing the snapping of his hips for a wavering moment.

“You’ve never been fucked this good have you?” he teased through clenched teeth as he leaned down, sucking and marking all over the expanse of your neck with grunts and growls of pleasure. You were way too fucked out to even think about the words to form a coherent sentence, barely being able to form whimpered versions of ‘mhm’ after he questioned you but he was having none of that. He unraveled his hand from your waist, tightening his grip on your throat and landing a hard slap to your left asscheek, drawing a shrill shriek from the depths of your throat as he warned in your ear. “Words little dove” he slapped you again, “how many times do I have to fucking warn you.” he concluded, landing another harsh smack to your abused flesh as you whimpered.

“You’re the best I’ve ever had, I’m such a slut for you sir.” You sobbed out, “please let me cum, please fuck” you whined, drawing out your words and you reached back, tangling both hands in his unruly mop of hair as he split you open, moaning directly in your ear which in itself, was a thing that could make you cum on the spot.

“Cum then.” He said obviously, as if it was the most simple response, only it was this simple command that shoved you off the precipice of ecstasy for a second time. The feeling that bloomed deep in your stomach soon blossomed into a full blown orgasm that racked through your body quickly, leaving nothing but white hot pleasure in its wake as your legs trembled viciously, with one last loud cry of Jungkook’s name. But, he still did not falter, his pace quickening as he neared his own climax, the speed both too much and not nearly enough at the same time. You reached back, attempting to push him and escape the all consuming pleasure torturing your body like a blazing fire but your hands were caught quickly by Jungkook’s hands which crossed them tightly and held them behind your back, resuming his attack.

You shook your head, letting it hang as your tears fell freely onto the couch before you, his moans and groans of ecstasy increasing in volume and frequency as he neared his own climax, his hips faltering in their pace for the first time in a while as he worked to his own release. In what seemed like an instant, he released the most beautiful, salacious, strangled moan you had ever heard, pulling himself out of your soaked cunt, and painting the surface of your ass with his white hot ropes of cum. He finally let you go after a moment, watching as you fell limply to the couch, laying face down, panting exhaustively, your arms still crossed limply behind your back as he smirked down at your fucked out frame. He left you alone for just a bit, coming back but a few moments later before you felt the sore skin of your asscheeks being wiped off with what felt like a warm hand towel. You were relieved he had the respect to clean his mess, it made you respect him just a little bit more as a person but you were way too tired to dwell on the subject any longer.

“You did so good for me little dove” he cooed, his voice softer than you’d ever heard it as he placed a sweet chaste kiss on your lower back, caressing his hand up the side of your body. A simple touch that lacked any sort of sexual aspects, it felt comforting and you sighed, leaning further into the soft couch as you heard him begin to put his clothing on. You felt a pang of distress, seeing as you were more of a fuck and cuddle kind of girl, but you really hadn’t expected him to stay so why’d you feel the need to ask him to. Pushing the feeling deep inside your gut, you sighed deeply as he walked in front of you to bend forward and grab his gun that laid discarded on the opposite side of your couch, also grabbing the throw blanket beside it and tossing it over your naked frame before thinking about something. “So,” he started, tucking his gun in the back of his pants and humming, “I’m thinking that was worth about, hmm 50k” he started. You vaguely understood what he was saying and knew you’d flip out once you were conscious enough to truly comprehend his words. “I’ll keep in touch.” He said, pulling his shirt down and smiling deviously at you as you uttered a hoarse ‘huh?’ To which he answered simply, “if I wanna come collect some more money” and he spun on his heels, opening your door and sauntering out of the threshold.

When he got into the hallway, Jungkook burst into a wide smile, satisfied with the encounter he made today. He entered this agreement fully prepared to either fuck you once and take the money you’d earned back or just fuck you and kill you, but once he’d had a taste, he was insatiable. You were flawless, your compliance was impeccable. The way you obeyed him, begged for him, the way you tasted, the way you felt, the way you looked. There was no way he could ever get enough and is probably the reason he kept overstimulating you like a frat boy with a bruised ego. There was no way he was gonna just let go of an absolute gem like you, so he made his excuse, a plan. Everytime you fuck him, you pay back a portion of the money. He was so tempted to tell you this session was only worth $100 just as an excuse to come back over and over and over until he had his fill, but he kept his composure, giving you hope that you’d ever be free of his grasp. Jungkook for once was extremely ecstatic, elated, excited to ruin you even more than he already had and he was dead set on making you want him just as much as he craved you no matter what it took. Though he was pretty sure you already did.

[lostinthewiind]

I know it’s been a while since you posted this one but maybe a smutty part 4 for the thick thighs save lives daichi fic…you could age them up of course to maybe living together in college or something 😁

Thick Thighs Save Lives Part 4

A/N: I will honestly NEVER get tired of this series so hell yeah you can have a smutty part 4! Time to put those thighs to good use, Daichi!

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Warnings: thigh-riding, female!reader, female anatomy, male anatomy, aged-up characters, mutual masturbation, fingering, handjob

Stepping into your shared apartment after a long, exhausting day of classes was like you had been transported into the Sahara Desert. The wave of heat hit you like a freight train; an unpleasant contrast to the air-conditioned hallway of the apartment complex.

"Holy crap!" you exclaimed, immediately kicking off your shoes and setting down your things. "It's like a fricken sauna in here!"

Not a second later, your roommate and best friend, Daichi, emerged from his bedroom, shirtless and sweating. "The AC unit stopped working," he said as he wiped the sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "I texted the landlord but he said there is nothing he can do until Monday."

Throwing your head back, you groaned. "And here I was hoping for a relaxing Friday night."

Daichi nodded. "And we can't even open the windows because it's just as hot, if not hotter, outside."

"Just great." You rolled your eyes, the heat already starting to get to you and induce irritation. "Please tell me we at least still have running water. Cold running water."

"That we do have," Daichi assured you as he headed for the bathroom. "Speaking of which, I'm going to take a cold shower."

"Don't be too long," you told him as you started for your bedroom, ready to change into a sports bra and shorts. "I need a shower too."

Approximately an hour later, after both you and Daichi had stood under the cold water until your lips turned blue, the two of you sat in the living room wearing as little clothing as possible, lazily fighting over who would get the shower next.

As expected, it hadn't taken long for the effects of the cold shower to wear off, leaving you both sweating and nearly panting again in no time.

"How about this?" Daichi turned to look at you from his spot on the couch, "I go hop in the shower again and you run out and buy us some fans."

Rolling over onto your back on a spot of cool floor, you scoffed. "How about I shower and you go shopping? Hmm?"

Daichi only grunted, meaning he was no more willing to step out into the humid monstrosity that was waiting outside than you were. "We really need to find a better place to live," he finally spoke. "This place is falling apart around us."

You chuckled lightly. "And how do you suppose we do that? We're a couple of broke college students living from paycheck to paycheck."

"Yeah, you're right . . ." Daichi admitted before smiling. "But hey, at least we have each other."

You snorted before closing your eyes and exhaling slowly. "Yeah . . . at least we have each other."

There was a moment of silence before you heard a thud and the sound of skin slapping against hardwood, indicating that Daichi had decided to join you on the floor, which was much cooler than the couch. Seconds later, you could feel a presence next to you and you opened your eyes to see Daichi lying next to you on his stomach.

"If just the thought of touching you didn't give me heat flashes, I'd suggest cuddling up on the couch and watching a movie together," Daichi's voice was soft as he ghosted his fingers over your stomach, sending chills up your spine that you wholeheartedly welcomed.

You smiled even though the thought of cuddling made you feel like you were seconds away from melting into a human puddle right there on the floor. "We could watch a movie here on the floor," you suggested. "Maybe it will distract us."

"Yeah . . . maybe," Daichi agreed, but he didn't make any effort to stand up or turn on the TV. Instead, he kept ghosting his fingers along your exposed flesh, of which there was an abundance of at the moment. "Actually, scratch my previous idea . . . if we had AC right now, there is something else I'd much rather be doing with you."

You quirked a brow at him, pretending to be puzzled even though you knew exactly where he was going with this. "Hmm?" you hummed.

He grinned. "It involves the same amount of close contact—probably even more—but way less TV watching."

"Ah . . ." you couldn't help but chuckle to yourself, ". . . wrestling."

Daichi chuckled as well. "Yes, you college-educated genius, I totally meant wrestling."

As the chuckling died down, you reached out to him and ran your fingertips along his shoulder blades, eliciting a shudder and content sigh from Daichi. The sweat on his back helped your skin glide smoothly across his and for a second, you pictured how messy and slippery things would be if the two of you were tangled up in each other in bed right then.

The thought brought a new type of warmth to your body—more specifically, to your core. Suddenly, despite how hot you were, you wanted nothing more than to jump your roommate's bones. That was one way to distract yourself from the heat . . .

Daichi, ever the observant one, noticed the change in your body language and scooted closer to you, his lips inches away from your ear. "Do you remember the first time we had sex?" he spoke so nonchalantly that it actually startled you a little. His voice, so deep and soft in your ear, made you shiver. "Hmm?" he provoked, looking for an answer.

You nodded. "Yeah, it was right after we graduated high school."

"That's right." He flicked his tongue over the shell of your ear before blowing on it lightly, the combination of the cooling sensation and the loud noise heightening your anticipation. Then, you felt his fingers finally make actual contact with your skin—the skin right above the waistband of your shorts.

Sucking in a sharp breath, you let your eyes flutter shut. "It had been a long day and we both just wanted to take a quick nap before the graduation party that night," you continued the story; after all, you did know it like the back of your hand since you thought about it a lot when you were alone in your room at night.

"Just a nap." You felt Daichi smirk against your ear as his hand dipped below your waistband and into your underwear, causing you to let out a satisfied moan when his fingertips pressed down on your throbbing clit. "But it wasn't just a nap, was it?"

You shook your head and opened your mouth to say something in response, but before you could get a word out, Daichi pressed his thumb down hard on your clit while his fingers prodded your entrance, causing you to let out a pleasure-induced sigh instead.

"You were always such a tease before then," he continued to recount your first time together while he touched you the way he knew drove you wild. "Hands roaming while we cuddled, thighs squeezing around my own, soft kisses against my chest and neck. If only I had known how badly you had wanted me, I would have made a move sooner."

"Daichi," you moaned out as his fingers slipped inside of you and curled upwards. "Wanted you so badly . . . want you so badly now."

Readjusting your position on the floor, you rolled onto your side and reached out to massage Daichi's growing erection through his shorts. This was when you learned he wasn't wearing any underwear because of the heat; just a pair of loose gym shorts.

Daichi's eyes screwed shut and he hissed slightly when you touched him. "Fuck," he grunted as he rubbed the pad of his thumb against your clit, eliciting the same sort of response out of you seconds later. "I swear to God if it wasn't so fucking hot right now I would rip your clothes off and have my way with you right here on the floor."

You clenched around Daichi's fingers at the thought of having hot, sweaty sex with him on the living room floor.

"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" Daichi felt your muscles contract around his digits and smirked. "Your body is responding so nicely to me."

Stuffing your hand down Daichi's shorts and wrapping your hand around his hard cock, you wasted no time and began to jerk him off. If it was too hot to have actual sex, then the two of you would just have to find another way to get each other off.

"Just like that, baby," Daichi cooed as you ran your thumb over the tip of his cock, collecting the precum there and spreading it along the shaft. "Shit, your hand feels so good around me. Wish it was your pussy though," he gave a rather harsh thrust of his fingers into you and curled them up into your sweet spot, making you clench around him once more, "nothing feels as good around me as your sweet pussy does."

Feeling beads of sweat beginning to drip down your back and forehead, you huffed, trying to catch your breath and cool down a little. "Clothes off," you finally said as you began to push Daichi's shorts down his legs, allowing better access to his cock and helping cool him off a little at the same time.

Following your lead, Daichi quickly pulled your shorts and underwear down as well, leaving himself completely nude and you in only your sports bra.

For the next five minutes or so, the two of you laid on the floor—which was no longer very cold at this point—and worked each other toward orgasm while panting heavily and staring into each other's eyes. If the whole ordeal hadn't been so hot and slightly uncomfortable, it might have even been a tad romantic.

Faces inches apart, the two of you laid completely still aside from your hand movements and occasional buck of the hips when the need for more friction was too much to handle. Despite how much you wanted to kiss Daichi, and how much he probably wanted to kiss you, the two of you had to stay separate in favour of allowing your mouths to draw in deep breaths.

"Close," you managed to choke out as you felt the familiar tensing sensation in your core from the constant fingering and clit stimulation. "Gonna cum."

"Me too," Daichi breathed out. "Fuck, want you to come around my cock so badly. Need more of you."

You nodded. "I want more."

Without warning, Daichi sat up, pulled you into his lap, and positioned your aching cunt over his toned thigh. "Ride my thigh, baby," he told you, arms wrapping loosely around your waist. Almost instantly, the skin-on-skin contact was too much to handle. You knew you would overheat soon but you did as he instructed anyway, the orgasm you were chasing making your brain fog up and your discomfort from the heat to suddenly not matter nearly as much as it had.

With your hand still pumping Daichi's cock, pushing him closer and closer to his own release, you began to grind your pussy against Daichi's thigh—a thigh you had had between your legs countless times before and still somehow had yet to use it in such a dirty way—the way you were quickly starting to believe it was meant for all along.

Thanks to the juices dripping from your pussy and the sweat that had accumulated on Daichi's legs, you were able to glide back and forth across his hard muscles with ease. When you felt that same sensation return, only this time much stronger than before, you threw every last ounce of energy you had left into your thigh riding and clung to Daichi like your life depended on it, completely ignoring the fact that his skin felt like it was on fire when you touched him.

"That's it," Daichi growled, head thrown back, indicating he was close as well. Tightening his hold around you and squeezing your ass with his hands, he pushed and pulled you against his thigh. "Ride my thigh just like that. Fuck. I'm gonna cum."

You nodded lazily in agreement, unable to form words with just how out of breath you were. As soon as Daichi let out a low grunt and you felt hot liquid spill onto your hand, you pressed your clit down hard onto his thigh and forced your own orgasm to wash over you as well.

Hips stuttering as your walls clenched around nothing, you fell limp in Daichi's arms as your high engulfed you before slowly releasing you seconds later.

As soon as the two of you had stopped shaking and your brain fog had cleared, you were thrown back into the reality of just how fucking hot the apartment was, and how much hotter it was holding each other, and promptly untangled your limbs and pushed away from one another.

"Cold shower," Daichi mumbled as he stared down at the cum he had painted his own stomach with. "I feel like I'm burning."

Reduced to a puddle of sweat and bodily fluids on the ground, you nodded in agreement. "Cold shower," you repeated.

Daichi, who had previously looked miserable in his post-orgasm clarity due to the heat, suddenly chuckled. "Why didn't we just have sex in the shower in the first place?"

You just shrugged. "Round two? This time without the danger of human combustion."

Daichi smiled wide. "I have a feeling we are going to be spending the rest of the night in that shower," he paused and his smile turned into a devilish smirk, "and I'm going to be spending the rest of the night in you."