#i put sooooo much work into this shit specifically for this application

[userastarion]

SEND GOOD VIBES out into the world for me, bc i just applied for a job that i really really really want and i whiffed my last application to this company but this one i am 100% qualified for and i would enjoy it ANDDDD it would get me out of the hellscape that is my current workplace!!!! and have a hybrid work schedule!!!! and pay me better!!!! with better benefits!!!!

[datingintampafails]

Chapter 33: Robert*

Robert* reminds me of Peter*, in which, there’s confusion about names, the vibes are never quite right, and the date is pretty short. Though in this case, although we did talk for a longer time than Peter* and I did, the date itself was even shorter, a whopping 45 minutes.

Initially, Robert* likes me first on Hinge. His profile is not necessarily a slam dunk for me. He looks decent looking, though not my usual type, and has a chain bakery listed as to where he works. I like to think I am not a snob when it comes to careers, I’m pretty open-minded, but I do want to be with someone who has ambition and can have intelligent conversations with me since I am pretty well educated. Basically, someone around my level of thinking.

I decided to give the guy a chance and respond to his like by mentioning that I really like cookies at the place he works. He mentions that we could have a first date there and I responded by asking if he has dates with girls at his work often. He tells me he has only been working there a few weeks, so no. We legitimately talk about the different kinds of cookies for a while, then he moves on to ask me about what else I like. I mention my dog, then share that I space out and have trouble thinking on the spot and ask him about himself to see if it will also remind me of other things I like. He talks about seeing friends and playing video games, adds he “Doesn’t get out much.” Without missing a beat, he asks me what I’m looking for on dating apps. The dreaded question. I ask him to tell me first. My reasoning being, I feel like many men will cater their answers to what you want, instead of telling the truth. He writes me a long answer then gives me a TL;DR (too long; didn’t read) that is maybe ⅔ the length of the original message, so not that short, that says “going with the flow, down for a consistent [friends with benefits] or relationship, whatever happens, just not a one-night stand.” He announces it is then my turn to respond. I tell him I feel more or less the same, as his original longer message, but that I am not as much interested in the friends with benefits thing. Specifically, I say that with FWB, there needs to be an opportunity, or “nahhh.” I say that expectations only bring hardship and lightheartedly say I like to ask super important questions early in relationships, i.e. like my survey/application from way back when, and add “like cookie choices.” He asks me to clarify my opportunity or nahhh and says he is an open book and I can ask him anything. I explain my feelings more, saying that I don’t see the point of sticking around if someone is dead set on not wanting a relationship with me, as well as it is usually temporary and almost like a holding pattern. I ask my most important question, which is if someone wants children or not.

I get a slight argument back from him, regarding the FWB thing, saying that it can turn into more. I argue back, saying that it is still something that needs to be wanted, or at least both parties from the start can think “maybe someday.” He says this and that about the FWB, before answering my question. He says, more or less, he is open to it but it isn’t a necessity for him, however, he definitely doesn’t want kids right now. He asks me how I feel about it and I express I do not want them but would be open to adoption. He says that’s fine with him and quickly says, “Any other questions.” I am not meaning for this to be an interview. I say I do have a question, but that it is more of an open-ended/ statement that can be responded to. All I say for my “question” is the phrase “trump.” I also let him know I am going to sleep soon so we can continue our conversation in the morning. He does not like my question, that is that he says it is too vague and isn’t helpful for political discussions. I tell him that is my point, and that I am looking for him to express his feelings and that I can either oppose, agree, or somewhere in between. He says likely there would be all three. I go to sleep so I do not respond.

He greets me in the morning with a good morning. I greet him back, though I remind him I am still waiting on his opinions. It is a Saturday, so I also let him know I am about to present for a Zoom conference. He says he’s at a rowing camp and on a break from that, then asks me about my conference. He again requests that I be more specific than just “Saying one word.” I tell him about the conference, but regarding the political question, I send an eye-rolling emoji again saying that that is the point of the open forum, that I am looking for a blanket statement of his feelings regarding Trump.

He again asks about my presentation, and how it went, then goes on to give a pretty neutral debate, saying there’s good and bad, though it seems he veers more towards being a Trump fan, which is not my preference. Robert* offers to me that I can ask any questions about his stance. I am thinking, I do not need an invitation, I have a question and I will ask it.

Robert* inquires what I am doing the rest of the night. I say I’m staying in as I am going to Disney World the next day. I ask him what he is going to do the rest of the night, as that is the societally polite thing to do. I am asked AGAIN if I have any questions to ask him. He also says that he “wanted to do something with someone tonight. Chill night in maybe? Not necessarily sexual. Just relaxing, drinking some wine maybe.” My response is “haha sorry i don’t think i’ll be ‘someone’ today,” both calling him out on obviously being thirsty, as well and reiterating I am not planning on going out tonight. He admits defeat, saying that he didn’t think I would be either, but it was “worth a shot to ask.” However, he does say he does want to get together sometime.

Immediately before I can even respond to that, though, he asks me where in Disney I am going tomorrow. I tell him that Monday I could look at my schedule and put together a time and day we could meet up. I also express that I do not want to meet him at either of our places, mostly because of the stunt he had just pulled. I tell him my Disney World plans as well. He says that it is fine to talk about going out on Monday and says that “that would’ve been the plan” to not hang out at either of our places, despite what he had just said earlier about having a chill night in. I call him out on this, reminding him that he had just said something different, his response being, “yes, sorry if that made you uncomfortable. Im horny as all hell but my intentions are good and i can keep it in my pants. I promise.” How romantic. I send a laughing emoji and say that we’ve all been there before. He says he didn’t want to cross the “TMI threshold,” wherein I say that it is difficult to TMI me, but that doesn't mean I won’t be judgemental. His next comment is awkward, as he invites me to judge, but says that he’s “done [his] fair share of crazy/dumb/slutty shit. As [he is] sure [I] have too.” Weird to accuse someone you are trying to woo of being a crazy dumb slut, but okay. I bring up that I had an abusive relationship but that even in that, I wasn’t completely devoid of wrongdoing. He asks if I am comfortable talking about that and is sympathetic. I tell him more about that and he asks for some of the red flags my ex but off that I ignored. For the billionth time, Robert* offers that if I have any more important questions that I can go ahead and ask. I briefly acknowledge he asked again, by saying “lol if they come up organically I’ll ask” before continuing to talk about my abusive ex. One of the things I mentioned was that my ex was very critical about my body habitus, that is, that I was too skinny. Robert* takes it upon himself to say, “ as far as your body, it seems like you have a great fucking body…. As long as you’re not unhealthy idgaf im attracted to you sooooo” then sends two heart-eyed emojis and a shrugging guy emoji. The line he draws is that his “hands are rated E for everyone,” the context being, if someone hit him he would hit back. I explained my body issues some more and that I have stomach issues, and have always been a small person. He misunderstands and thinks I’m talking about having abs or having a fatty stomach. With the context I felt I had given, I sent a bunch of question marks before adding that my stomach issues were internal. He apologizes a lot for misunderstanding and says he is glad I’m in a better situation.

In his mind, it’s now a great time to bring up that we should text or snap. I tell him that Snapchat is “for hoes” if you only talk on Snapchat. Referencing to myself Darren* mostly. He sends me his number and then I text him. The next day, I am off having a day with my friend at an amusement park. He texts me often throughout the day and I respond when I have a chance. My best friend is asking me “who is this one?” and by the time she asks this, I’m honestly getting a little annoyed. She’s still asking about John* and where he is at. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. We’re mad at him right now. He is doing that shit again. I have to play the game, you know?” I describe Robert* as being kind of needy. At one point, Robert* is texting and asking desperately when I’m free and when we can go out. I tell him “I’m still out I’m not focused on that right now” The overeagerness is kind of a turn-off. And as mentioned earlier, we had already agreed to plan things out on Monday, and it was Sunday. He responds “Ok nvm. We don’t have to talk about that. Sorry.” Maybe I was harsh but had to put this guy in his place. I get a barrage of questions about Disney World. I mention I’m wearing my hat like a frat boy. He responds jokingly, “disgusting, how dare you.” I continue the charade by saying “yep I haze the shit out of people.” Next, however, his response is too cringey, “Mmmm haze me frat mandy” and adds “I can go more cringe.” I reply, “no thanks.” I ignore him for the rest of the day and then when I get home I finally tell him 1) I’m home and 2) what days I’m available. He gets irritated as the two nights I am available, are the only nights he is working. I have some friends coming into town the next weekend as well, so I tell him I’m not really available since I want to hang out with them. We go back and forth on what to do then with our conflicting schedules. Finally, we agree upon doing something after my work, but before his work on one of the days, giving us a tight segment of time but that should be enough for more or less a meet and greet. Because he is the one that will have somewhere to go, I tell him that he’s in charge of the planning and logistics because I wanted to make sure he had enough time to get to work.

We chat superficially in the meantime, mostly about video games and a little about past relationships. And of course… more inviting me to ask questions again. He puts me on the spot regarding the date and is trying to make me plan. I put the responsibility back on him. Finally, he suggests a place he had been wanting to try, that is more or less like a juice bar that also does protein shakes, kind of a health shop. Not really my kind of place, but I’m making him do all the planning so I won’t argue. We both independently go on a search for menus/information. He makes a comment regarding finding the menu but no prices. He randomly comments while we are chatting about the place “have i ever said that youre really fucking cute,” to which I just respond “not like in those exact words.” He adds “but yea you are. I humbly brag, “thanks! I know this about myself.” Typical male response is, presumably joking, “ok you’re too cocky” “youre ugly” “gotta bring you down a peg.” To this I just say, “it’s called confidence/not being insecure.” He switches things around saying “i know confidence is sexy.”

I don’t respond to this and get a good morning text the next day and he makes small talk about how we slept and such. It is the day that I have a date with Timmy*, but of course Robert* doesn’t know this. He at one point texts me saying that his morning got really shitty. I ask him what’s wrong and all he says is “I’ll tell you about it later.” I wonder why people do this, like why bring it up if you aren’t gonna talk about it now? It all seems like a sort of test. I do not play these games. All I say in response is “ok.” He adds “if I don’t text you about it remind me.” I don’t respond. He texts me again asking how my work is going an hour-ish later. I say it’s hectic and he asks if I’m on lunch. I send him a message about not getting full lunch breaks. I don’t hear from him for almost five hours, and given his text earlier about his bad day, I figured something could be wrong given how clingy via text he usually is. I finally text him and ask if he is ok. He says he took a nap and asked again about work, making a point that it was better than his day. Enough of the baiting, I finally say snarkily, “yeah you still have to tell me [what happened.” He is hyping it up now, saying “fair warning - its sad” I don’t respond because I figure he would still go on and tell me what happens and it didn’t warrant a response, but then he adds “if you still want to know” a few minutes later. I honestly don’t care too much, “if you want to tell me.” He finally does tell me what happened, and essentially he saw a dog be hit by a car and had tried to help it with someone else who saw the hit but the dog, unfortunately, didn’t make it. I commend him on trying to help and he says that he did the right thing and that’s why his day sucked. I don’t really know how to respond to that, plus at this point, I am getting ready for my date.

I lie to him when he asks me about my night, saying that I am chilling. More small talk to my disgust, and I verify our plans for the next day. He makes a comment about not being able to see the prices anywhere. This seems to be a worry of his for whatever reason, so I tell him that we can do something else and that I am flexible. He is of no help, as all he says about this is “idk what else we’d do.” My response is “ok” and I say I’m going to bed. In the morning it is finally the day of our date and I let him know that unfortunately I forgot to bring a change of clothes with me to work, so I’ll be wearing my work outfit tonight. He makes a comment about how he’s never seen a cute girl not look good in scrubs, and I let him know that today is the day that changes.

During the day, he states he is thinking of driving by to check the prices of the drinks and that he’s also got a back up. I tell him he should do whatever he wants. I look the places up and they are about 25 minutes away from my work. I head on that way once my work is done and I arrive first. I wait in my car until he texts me to ask which car is mine. I get out of my car and grab my things, now realizing I parked next to a puddle of water and got my shoes a little wet. I laugh it off and say oh well. I see who I presume to be him getting out of a car on the other side of the parking lot. He’s wearing a light pink hoodie, a little different but hey, real men wear pink, right?

I approach him and say hello and give him a hug. We get our masks on and walk into the store. Immediately we are greeted by who I can only assume is the owner of the shop. He is bright and happy and gives us his spiel about the type of beverages they have there. Robert* is being very quiet and is very short with the worker, saying he doesn’t know what he wants and I should go first. I try to describe what I’m going for, and the worker says the exact thing on the menu I want is unavailable due to a delayed shipment, but suggests something else to me and I accept with recommendation. I am done ordering apparently too quickly, as my date is still undecided. The owner ends up just asking him if he likes snickers, the candy bar, and he gives a not-very-believable “Yeah” so the owner suggests to him a shake that is based on those flavor patterns. Robert* is asked if we’re paying together and I look to him, he lets out an apathetic, “sure” and it takes all of my energy not to scoff. The owner tells us that they’re giving discounts out if you advertise the location by sharing a photo on social media and I agree to do so, because why not.

Then it gets a little uncomfortable. The owner is trying to be extra personable and make it a personalized experience, so upon receiving Robert*’s card, he starts referring to him using his name that is on his card. The only thing is, the name I know him by is not the name on the card, nor any fort of that name, like a typical nickname. Under my face mask, I smile and almost laugh to myself like, you dumb bitch who are you even out with rihgt now. Additional peer pressure from the owner also leads to us giving him our emails and signing up for their loyalty program, which also knocks off some cents off our drink. When I give him mine, obviously everything is the same, but when he gives his email, his email does have the name that I knew him by in the address, so I figure okay maybe Robert* is a middle name or something. Because we were under one order, there was also some sort of combo discount included as well since he got a shake and, I, a tea.

As we walk away from the counter and take a seat on a couch maybe 10 feet away, Robert* abruptly asks “what do you think the damage is?” Immediately pulling out his phone and checking the receipt of our drinks. “Uh I don’t know…. Sixteen dollars,” I guess. I am honestly put off by his obsession on price. I understand money issues, but it is not appropriate for first date behavior. I am pretty close, as it is somewhere in the mid $15 range. He scoffs at the prices.

Now that we are sitting together, I am noticing really how disheveled and not put together he looks. He has overgrown stubble, too short to be a beard, but definitely not stubble from just the day. His skin all over his face and body is dry and flaky, especially on his ears. Again, I expect a little more from a man who has had days to prepare for this date. I have been sipping my drink for a while, and it is honestly delicious, one of the best beverages I’ve ever had. He asks if I would like to try his drink. “No thank you, I don’t think it would go well with my fruity drink,” I half lie. The major reason why is that I am weird about sharing drinks/food and that so far I am almost repulsed by him and don’t want to share anything with him.

Despite my lack of optimism already, I try my best to be upbeat and give him a chance. I am trying to start a conversation and ask him questions and get to know him more, but he is a brick wall. He’s just staring at me and not saying anything, occasionally taking sips from his shake. Many of his responses are very sarcastic and rude. He actually brings up the ears; he had a very bad sunburn and that’s why they looked like that. Doesn’t explain the rest of his look though, but at least he was aware of that. It is pretty warm in the shop. I already opted to leave my jacket in the car, but at one point he decided to take off his sweatshirt. Underneath was a red shirt with almost like a confetti cake type pattern, of little microscopic dots of different colors throughout. I compliment the shirt, and mention I have one of a similar type of fabric pattern. I am nodded at. I again continue to try and force conversation, but I am still getting nothing.

Randomly he says, “come here” and puts his arm around me, pulling me close. I am extremely confused, as I was getting very negative vibes from him all over. I make my confusion known by commenting about how that was out of nowhere. His only response is, “oh you know.” “No, I do not know. I have no idea what is going on right now.” He only just chuckles and is like “you’re a cute girl.” I furrow my brow in confusion and figure we should get some air and suggest we take a walk. I ran to my car and put the drink in my car as well as my bag, being light, only having my phone and car keys for the walk. We take off and just walk through a nearby neighborhood. We have maybe 10-15 more minutes until he has to get going so he can get to work in time.

Conversation is still moderately forced, but a little better. At one point, we come up to a tree where the branches overhang drastically over the sidewalk. Whereas before I had been walking on the street side, Robert* has swung around and walked into the street, whereas I choose just to duck under the branches, which is easier with me being shorter, although I would not say he is very tall either. I made a comment about not caring and that he could have just “pushed me into the street/out of the way” and continued on, jokingly, about how you have to put a woman in their place. He says “okay noted I see what you like now,” trying to turn it into something sexual, it seems. I pause a moment, becoming much more serious when I say, “you know I’m kidding. I’ve told you about my abusive relationship so obviously I am not a fan of battering women.” In this moment, he pulls me into an embrace and tries to kiss me. I lean away and ask him, “why is talking about abusing women the time to try and kiss me?” He makes an excuse saying that he just really wanted to kiss me. I lie again, making another excuse about why I don’t want to kiss him, “I’m more old fashioned I guess, I’d like to get to know someone a little better and make sure that we are compatible and know each other well before I do anything.” Again, not entirely untrue. For the five hundredth or so time, Robert* says that I can ask him any questions.

I check my watch and declare, accurately, “We should probably head back towards our cars, you need to head out soon.” We walk back to the parking lot, having idle chitter chatter. When we get to my car, it’s perfect timing, as an alarm he had set to make sure he left on time goes off. I start to say our goodbyes and he tells me again that he wants to kiss me. I make a noise that makes my discomfort known, and he says, “well what about a kiss on the cheek?” I say verbatim, “I’ll allow it.” He makes a sarcastic comment, mocking me about “allowing it.” I retorted back saying, “well yeah.” He sticks to his word and only does a cheek kiss, and I’m cringing and can’t wait to wash my face when I get home. Being polite, I ask for him to let me know when he gets to work.

Using my Apple Carplay, I ask my car to text him when I notice he is driving behind me. Though, as all I’m getting is audio, I don’t know exactly what I am texting until I get home later.

(the first two texts of mine are my car texting and not manually)

Immediately, he asks me my feelings about him.

I then offered Venmo him money for my drink, as obviously money was a huge concern for him. He accepts and sends me his Venmo. I sent him the money and let him know so.

And that is that. He doesn’t text me after that.

[glopratchet]

No sin

In the world to come there is little sin. You are one of many, and your sins will be forgotten in time. You feel a weight lift off you chest as the darkness fades away. It's been years since you've felt this way, but it feels right somehow. There are just lots of american alligators. You can't help but smile at that thought. After the election of the first ungendered president, the prediatrain movement caught fire in america. By the time you were born, gender seemed to mean very little to anyone besides those who wanted to test the limits of political correctness. As for you, it wasn't something that you thought about on a day to day basis. Underneath the hoodie and baggy pants you wore was skinny body of a boy, not particularly long or rough looking. You didn't really have any extraordinary traits anyway other than your crazy dark blue hair. The demand for american alligator meat skyrocketed in China. By the time your father had retired, he owned a 5,000 acre ranch that was specialized in alligator husbandary. Through cross breeding and expensive robotic labor implants, the cost of labor was pushed down to a minimum, and the value of the meat and others goods produced up to a maximum. By then your mother had long since taken over management of the company and became one of thee richest people in the world. Nike released automatic shoe laces as a gimmick. Whorals where burned to ash while polled hereford heifors fetched over a billion dollars a head in auction. Cows were now a bigger danger than the newly created zorse hybrids. Soon your father bought over McDonalds and with their total indoctrination of mass culture, and pushed for robotic cattle to completely replace livestock. In 2032 came your first billion dollars Luden-100 robot. Your doctorate in mechanical engineering made you the perfect person to design it's personality core, which was the most expensive single part of the 2,567 piece robot. Googizon won the bid to construct for the military the most forward thinking alligator farm in existance. The technology spread over the decades and cattle went the way of the dodo. Anything that couldn't easily be made by robotic means, printers and 3D machines was procesed to nothingness for the good of mother earth. In 2073, you won your first nobel prize alongside your father for leading the development of nanite repairing machinery and a process to make it easier for anything to be made into feed. It currently floats near the okeenokee snow swamp. an area of land that was left unaltered by humanitys hunger. Your the new Jesus and captain of the avengers! This is not that story. You head outside into your $40,000,000 million mansion that overlooks the outskirts of Washington D.C. The republicans have just legalized cannabis in all states and avadi referendum has just made safe legal. We are primal ponds inc. and we brought irony back into the world in a form of vodka. it's being served on our brand new martini yacht as we speak! Everyone in the civilized world is slightly drunk forever! You made the apparently smart decision to divorce yourself from the common man and woman a long, long time ago. Hard work and real privation are for the unenlightened now that we can print food out of thin air and turn sea water into potable H20 with vibrations. A small mom and pop alligator farm attemping to make it. So you can live the small town dream of driving your pick up truck and going hunting with your buddies right? Oh, so you're a member of a new subculture that has been getting traction in red states. The simple living, self-sufficient types who don't trust science or big government. You chose this because it makes you happy working on an old pickup truck, plucking chickens and sorting through animal dung for hours after a full days work... Right? Right? We need you to make deliveries for us. We have a three color process printing press and unlimited colored inks that can produce any type of stash box imaginable. We'll even have our chemists perfect it before initiation. You'd be perfect for this line of work. After a probation period we can talk about your salary and even a stock option plan if you really perform well. No thanks, I think I need to find myself and live an authentic life without the corruption of science or big business. Please... Point of view of the player: It took some help from Sal but with some out of game resources you found your next building: An abandoned mansion that looks like something straight out of a fairy tale. Think Sleeping Beauty castle. It has scenic views of Disneyland to the East and is only a 30 minute drive from Los Angeles which makes it perfect for raiders and anti-raiders alike thanks to a freeway being finished in 2020. You finish organizing your newest staff choices and set out to make sure everything jives well and truly. A delivery champion and a chem expert walk into your office, both fairly young although one could only guess that the chem expert still has traces of acne in his glowing complexion. They're also both ghoul, the delivery one has that clumsy dawrk fur of gray and white, the other a dark chocolatey brown that's probably perfect for the laboratory. "I bolded and underlined the most important one." You state holding your hand out as they hand you there app folder. He had a secert life as billy fea fbots They both blink, then blink again, then take the folder from your desk and go through it. The delivery one acts as a typical ghoul would if somebody was horrible enough to ask him for his folder. The chem expert turns pale when he realizes his mistake. His dark fur fades to the pallor of a farmboy after a long night of dancing. "W-wait, what is this?" He trembles. And one more thing... You stuff the case file they just gave you in your pocket as paranoia gets the best of them. "Why my office usually only deals with humans or random wolves too old to Transhumanise. We only hired you two because I fixed a cars' engine and noticed your applications outside." You say, coming from around the desk and toward them. You start with the Ghoulish delivery man, taking him by surprise as you pick him up under his armpits and check his ears. Dedicated to delivering dragon tail in the far, far, future. You put him down and look at the chemist. He attempts to make some sort of excuse and tries to give a weak smile. You grab him tail first and pull him into your chest, looking for an ear with a piercing ~Futuristic Dragon~ You nod as you put him down and move on. "This is weird." You finally admit to them. "But I'm sure the Illuminati sent these two specifically with our needs in mind." Maybe that needs to change... "If I smell too much tripe, I'm kicking them both out." There is a long pause, the dawrf begins to try and shuffle something out of his pocket. The chemist ghoul's ears flatten against his head. Uh oh, he's going for it! "Raiders attack!" You begin to yell as you attempt to scramble for the shotgun under your desk. We proudly introduce today's newest member to the raiders business field! The plump and chubby dawrk are no match against you far more agile human body . You've killed enough ghouls and mutants that they fall easy to your fists. You pick up the shotgun and aim at the dawrbear as it charges you, knocking your desk over in the process. You blast the beast's foreleg before it swipes you across the room. "Paws behind your head!" Alligator delivery service. The fastest deliveries in Rostock! You're about to comply before you remember that ghouls heal insanely quickly. You duck under a wild swing and slam the stock of your shotgun into the creature's head again, knocking it out cold as you cuff his ankles and wrists. You do a doublecheck to see if he's dead, just to be sure. He is, seemingly unable to beg for his life. The alligator farm where the gator are delivered is currently under a series of construction tasks. REALLY nasty series of construction. You suppose that could be turned into slave work but they hardly need you to oversee that shithole. Plus the medic would probably smell the whole lot in a day and those heads are not coming off... Might be a loss producing fatfighters but at least it'd mean no more blood for these motherfucking monsters. "Shit, the chemiest's gone." You hear a voice from your office ask. Already we own over four over ten foot alligators including rex lex, the mighty apple and many breed one of a kind animal. You creep back over to your office, shotgun at the ready. The voice is once again emanates from within your pocket. You pull out the PDA 100 that Steve gave you and its starts to speak again. "You've got a what in there?" A worried voice asks from the other side of the line. A massive 14 foot beast. Weighing at least half a ton. It's name is....... - The messages stop there, like someone has pressed the spacebar. You browse the device and see that it's sent several information packets about the Funderpals company itself. You can't really access any of them without a password though. You're about to turn it off when it suddenly vibrates in your hands. Then again and again with ever increasing speed. Each on is incredibly detailed with over twenty bioligocail parts. They have a label appended to the front of each: (Green), (Red with anger sign), (Whtie), ......... We are currently broadcasting their vital signs over at americanalligator.xyz 73! Stay tunned far mor eexciting matchs to cmmilestone thisera of reptilian reserch! Meaningless labels. Each one is lifeforces based, you're certain of it now. Perhaps each section referes to the specific organ of the alligator based on its colour, becides the obvious: Green is the green label and so on... Our alligators come in many different sizes, ages, shapes, sexes and shades. He just said this to you over the phone. 'SHAPES' meaning the organ colour, sooooo..... The website is still mostly a pumpkin orange colour with a picture of an alligator on the front page. You're not a biologist but it seems that each alligator pic relates to the specific alligator pic sent to you on your phone... It soon starts to make your head pound too much and you decide to stop furthur research for the time being. The like to eat, sleep, dream, and spawn but they love to fight and gossip. They are loyal to those who are loyal to them, but ruthlessly efficient against those who dare cross them. You get inside your car once you're finished and proceed to drive the long and lonely road back home. You hear a quiet sigh escape your lips as you let the cool air conditioning fill your lungs. It's been quite a traumatising few days. You wonder if it's possible that something like this hasn't happened before in Fastoon's recent history. The algorytms which run each alligator is closely modeled after the habits of the real world reptile, alligator missippissus. It's sheer size being the only massive distinguisher between fantasy and reality. Once you hit the open highway, the PDA 100 begins to vibrate once again. What do I look like? Some sort of god dam schoolgirl? I didn't wear anything WITH a fuzz, because I'm 15 and anyone with half a brain could see I was aboslutely not wearing anything WITH wool... Their lungs breath and thier hearts beat just like yours. The only major difference is the fact that you are trying to determine their strongest organ based on labels used in visual cortex artwork. And so the message begins... once again. At this point, it's become maddening, however fascinating it may be. Orders for gator teeth are starting to accumulate. Smugglers are bringing the teeth in by the hundreds to them. Once again, you don't see any options. Your screen begins to blink itself off as the larger alligator's vital signs begin to disappear from your PDA. We just need your help to fund creation of the wrestling simulation. The sponsors will be able to pay for your tickets and you will be able to request songs and vote off others at home. In exchange your children will have food and school until the age of 7. In short time the screen stops blinking off and on and simply stays extinguished. Our desire is to create an expierence which leaves you dripping from the feeling of utter terror and awe as you combat one of these unpredicatable beasts. Our progress will not be hampered by you and many, many more people will have the honor of experiencing this breathtaking connection to one of Gods greatest gifts to earth. Thank you for your time. Alligator delivery service in addition to gator tail, we serve realism. hours of alligator combat video have been studied. real life wild life wranglers have been interviewed. now we just need to budget of 500 dollars towards the creatation of an accurate alligator wrestling simulation. thank for your cooperation and respect for our national heritage. The screen flickers on... Recent thought and development of the next evolution in alligator pic sharing techs have come to a hault. funding seems to be the issues as new users are not signing up fast enough. Thank you for your understanding. And on behalf of all the artists improving perfect beeing.