#i promise that you can explore a fucked up sibling dynamic without making them want to / actually fuck each other christ alive

[hiddenwizard]

it's hardly difficult to just not ship incest. like i get some people didnt grow up with siblings but please.

[active-mind-15]

Let's talk about Murasakibara as the youngest sibling

As we all know, Murasakibara canonically has four older siblings in the series, making him the fifth and youngest child in his family. So, as a fellow youngest child of my own family, I wanted to explore some headcanons/general observations I have in the context of him being the youngest child. I'll try not to project too hard but I make no promises. 🫶🏿

He is HEAVILY doted on. I think we can all agree on this because it's pretty obvious in the series that he is spoiled (I mean this both endearingly and derogatorily). That mindset probably came from all of his siblings taking care of things for him. But the downside to too much doting is that, outside of basketball, Murasakibara is not intrinsically motivated to do anything unless he gets a reward for it such as pocket money or sweets. I'm guessing the reason why he has such a sweet tooth in the first place is because his siblings would constantly bribe him with sweets to get him to do something. Fast-forward to Teiko, and he became a person who essentially wouldn't do anything they're asked unless they had sweets for him. Akashi is kinda guilty of fueling Murasakibara's sweet tooth with how often he shares sweets and snacks with him, but that was also their way of bonding. Himuro is worse, though. He will just straight-up be like "Atsushi, if you do this thing for me I will give you sweets." He's not even remotely ashamed about it.

He has a very set-in-stone hierarchy in his house. This would explain why he's so used to falling in line within the context of the basketball club. As the youngest, he has to obey his siblings and parents. This is why when he believes someone has authority over him, he follows them without question. But I'm sure that made him build up resentment, especially as a teenager. As a former teen myself, I hated being told what to do. So I'm sure Murasakibara lashing out at Akashi in 3rd year could be a result of pent-up frustration. When his skills drastically blossomed and he saw the power he held over Akashi in that regard, he decided to use it as a gambling chip to win his independence from the team, but it backfired.

He is not used to taking accountability because he has never been expected to be the "mature" one in his house. This frequently comes with the territory of being the youngest child. If you act out, it's often your older siblings that take the heat for your behavior because the older children are supposed to "know better". If two children are playing rough inside the house and break something, the older child is punished more because they were supposed to be the one to tell the younger child that playing rough inside wasn't a good idea. (It's a fucked up way of thinking but I've seen parents use this excuse to avoid holding themselves responsible for not raising their children correctly.) That being said, with four older siblings, I would expect that whatever trouble Murasakibara would get in would be pretty minimized in comparison to his siblings. Their parents would probably be so busy interrogating Murasakibara's siblings about why they weren't watching him or why nobody told Murasakibara not to do XYZ that by the time the attention trickles down to Murasakibara, his siblings have already gotten most of the flack for shit they didn't even do. Judging from the Replace Plus chapters, it seems like to make up for that, his siblings have taken up parental roles of their own to ensure that Murasakibara gets disciplined. In one of the chapters, Murasakibara mentioned that he had a fight with one of his older brothers. So, as punishment, his older sister took away his allowance. Clearly, his siblings do hold enough authority to make decisions like that regarding punishments. But I'm sure Murasakibara would then turn around and try to get his parents to overturn it (and maybe it works sometimes). This is why even after having that fallout with Akashi, they go back to their normal dynamic, but Murasakibara never truly apologized. Not as far as the viewers/readers are aware. So there always was that unsettling air hanging around the two of them even in high school. Things were never properly resolved for them. Not until much later.

I feel like he's a total snitch in his house. Younger siblings tend to be. Either to relish in their older siblings getting in trouble with their parents or because they have it so ingrained into them to be truthful that they just naturally don't lie. I remember in the OVA 41.5, Murasakibara instantly tattled on Aomine and Haizaki to Midorima when they were stuffing their dirty t-shirts into a locker and Midorima was wondering why the locker room smelled terrible. It didn't even seem malicious, Murasakibara was just objectively giving Midorima the answer he wanted. So I'm sure there have been times when Murasakibara has snitched on his older siblings when his parents interrogated him.

I feel like him being the youngest also plays into Murasakibara's fashion sense and how it's more 'juvenile' compared to the rest of the Teiko gang (I know Kise is also the youngest in his family but he's a model so his fashion sense is a direct result of being in that line of work). If you've ever seen official art of Murasakibara, a lot of his outfits are very cutesy. Overalls, baggy hoodies with cute characters on them, fuzzy boots, hats, and sweaters...he clearly embodies the lifestyle of the youngest child. He prioritizes comfort over everything, and it shows in what he wears.

Even the nicknames he gives to others and his way of speaking are very reflective of the youngest child. Shortening everyone's names and adding -chin to the end of it is probably something he does with his siblings at home (and maybe vice versa). And his way of speaking is very languid and carefree. He tends to drawl out his words very slowly, like he's in no rush to finish his sentence. And people could probably use this as evidence that he may be dull intellect-wise, but he's actually pretty intelligent and has gotten good grades when he applies himself, emphasis on applies himself. The problem is that he just doesn't give a fuck, so he doesn't try as hard in a lot of things even though he has potential. Someone usually has to push him to try, which circles back to my first point about him practically having to be bribed to do anything that's not related to basketball.

Overall, I think most of the negative traits that Murasakibara has in regard to youngest child syndrome will be things he grows out of as he gets older. I don't think my youngest child syndrome was ever as severe as Murasakibara's but I do relate to being doted on, having people constantly looking out for me, and not being used to taking care of others. I could be stubborn in my own right sometimes, on occasion even rude where I shouldn't have been, and my teen years were pretty rocky all the way through as I was figuring myself out. It took a lot of self-reflection for me to see that I had to change and in my latter teen years, I actively worked on my personality and my behavior. I also learned how to be more considerate of others and to step into the role of taking care of my friends and other family members. I still enjoy the perks of being the youngest in my family such as never having to worry about bringing my wallet out if I'm with my older siblings, but I still did take the time to mature and become an adult I'd be proud of. Eventually, I believe Murasakibara will lay that groundwork himself and become much more mature as time goes on post-canon. He'll learn to become a better friend and a better person, and he'll learn how to put the utmost effort into his passions. But at the same time, I still think he'll be the adorable slow-acting giant we've all come to know and love.

Anyway, this was my take on Murasakibara as the youngest child. Hope you enjoyed it!

[orionsangel86]

Oh alright.

My personal interpretation has been that Desire tries to live vicariously through Morpheus' lovers, hence her designing them or choosing then and ruining the relationships when Morpheus himself tries to choose them. What I can't seem to figure out though is whether the romantic interest is mutual? Personally i 100 percent believe Desire is into Dream but Dream remains a mystery to me.

That's an interesting interpretation. It is certainly a point I have found rather fascinating - why Desire is so bloody obsessed with Dream. Because a straight answer is never really given in the comic.

Why is Dream the only Endless who ever seems to take lovers (ignoring Destruction for a moment). Dream is the most sexual character among the whole Endless family - more so than Desire - who I like to headcanon is ace because I enjoy the irony and its not totally without merit as an interpretation given Desire's general disdain for being hit on, flirted with, made the object of lust or attraction - they always punish anyone who attempts to get close to them after all.

If we assume that Desire has some sort of psycho-sexual obsession with Dream, then that could go some way to explain their obsession with meddling in Dream's love life. They want all his attention on themself, but can't figure out how to go about getting it without tormenting him. It's funny, I have been talking with @just-cosmere-fan a lot about how Desire is so obsessed with ruining Dream's love life because their aspect makes it impossible to avoid Dream's constant feelings of lust and desire for his lovers, and its akin to forcing Desire to stand in the corner and watch as he fucks his way across the universe... but this is a fun twist on that idea. Desire has become so inundated with Dream's lusts and desires that it sort of twisted up and made them crave those feelings more, and so as you say they live vicariously through Dreams various love affairs, setting him up and then setting him up to fail because they enjoy his heartbreak just as much as they enjoy his lust.

I could get behind it in the "i-would-read-a-dark-fic-about-it" kinda way. Desire is a pretty fucked up character, and known for their cruelty, but Dream is also pretty fucked up, as by his very nature he is the embodiment of all the fucked up disturbing dreams that people have just as much as he is the embodiment of all the nice fantasy dreams that people have.

I don't think Dream would ever feel the same way though. Dream once considered Desire his favourite sibling, and he clearly showered them with attention before they set him up with Killala and then laughed at him when she cheated on him. Dream holds grudges, and that's a big one. I'm not sure how Dream would react if Desire hit on him, promised him everything he desired, that they could be anything he wanted, satisfy his lusts and cravings and love him in a way that no one else ever could, eternally, with just the right amount of obsession to satisfy Dream's own obsessiveness and ensure they would be together. I still think Dream would recoil in horror at the idea, but perhaps his own loneliness and neediness would get the better of him and he would consider it, if only for a moment. It's not like these characters are human after all, and they don't "mate". Would it really be incest the way we understand it? I think in a twisted Lannister siblings kinda way it could be a fun dynamic to explore. So go for it!

I'm not sure I can give much more of an answer than that. I'm a stickler for canon and love to pick it apart and see where certain ideas and headcanons could fit, but if you are asking me if Dream and Desire could ever work in a way that fit with the canon story, I really don't know. I think for that to happen you would have to break Dream and tear him down until he was at his absolute lowest, and then pick up the pieces and put him together in a way that Desire could manipulate and use as they saw fit. It would not be a happy or pleasant story if that were the case, but at the end of the day, this is fandom, and you can do what you want always. Smush your blorbos together like dolls and don't let anyone police your behaviours. If you want to explore a version of the story where Dream and Desire can both be together consensually and happily then go for it. You do not need mine or anyone elses approval to do so.

[egyptian-sun-god]

Never Have I ever S2

SPOILERS.....Turn back now I’m serious.

I’m waiting....

Okay cool your fault at this point

I was fairly critical of NHIE S1, I won’t lie. And I’ll be real I still stand by the fact that NHIE S1 was fairly meh overall. 

But holy shit, they knocked this season outta the world man. The show really really found its proper footing this season. They were smart to keep the cheating for only two episodes and explore the repercussion for the other 8. 

1.Devi Vishwakumar.

Let’s start with the main character.  Devi still does immensely fucked up shit this season. Dating two boys and have them find out in the MOST humiliating way possible. Yikes. Being a really sucky friend to Aneesa and starting that rumour about her (inadvertently) and pretending to her. Stalking her mother and being possessive of her. The really awful apology that was pretty self centred, a bit not good. 

 But she really does do her best to improve and I am SO proud of that. She uses her father’s advice and apologizes better to Aneesa, she actually handled the Ben and Aneesa dating WAAAAY better than I’ve seen some people handle things like that. I might’ve blown a fuse if two of my friends had 4 tickle fights and had major PDA sessions when we were trying to do a group project. Like she handled that shit fairly well all things considered. Devi actually gets into the beginnings of delving into her trauma and her temporary paralysis and healing from it. I

 really see how the label ‘crazy’ weighs on her and how she blew up with it and the message of destigmatizing mental illness. (Crazy Aneesa and Crazy Devi)  Her properly bonding with her mother and watching videos of her father and remembering/honouring his memory hit REALLY HARD (since I lost many people in my family recently and that fear of forgetting them has been real). Devi is actually beginning to heal from the loss of her father by strengthening the relationship with her Amma. And the slap from Paati was so so needed, it really gave her a better respect of her mother and fixed the problem I had with Devi mouthing off so much to her Amma. I live to see good maamiyar marumagal relationships. Her relationship with Paxton is really good and it gets developed very logically and having her be scared of being pathetic but in the end she accepted her own self worth and stopped chasing after them which was good. 

Overall Devi really blossomed into her own developing person and I actually like her so much more this season. 

2. Paxton Hall Yoshida

I was honestly, like genuinely sad last season he was like 80% eye candy with not much else going for him. Paxton had so much faith as a character and Ms Kaling has really pulled him into such a better person this season. 

Paxton got hit by a car before swim season, lost his ticket to college and wow, got two timed by a girl he liked all in two episodes. If he was salty about that for more than one season I would’ve completely accepted it. Cause that’s a bad public humiliation. 

Paxton episode really really made me love him as a character (honestly more so than Ben) I think because I heard Paxton’s entire worry and irritation that he was being underestimated and no one really expected him to go to college from a friend of mine not more than a month ago. That shit is real, and it hurted my friends a lot that people were really underestimating them and just seeing them as a dumb athlete who has no hope of college. It’s really nice to see Paxton actually want to go to college and learn Japanese American side with his Oji-chan giving him advice and supporting him. And him bringing his grandfather to speak about the internment camps, that seriously do not get spoken about enough.

Also him putting effort and making a genuine effort to work hard and bring up his grades with Devi and therefore bonding with her was really nice to see. I wouldn’t mind them being endgame but Devi does really work a lot better as his pushy Indian mom/best friend/tutor.  And Devi getting mad at him for him expecting him to hold his hand throughout really hit well. Was it deserved yeah. But Devi also did blow him off after promising him to study so his anger is justified there. I’m just kinda vibing with Paxton like coming up and taking a better interest in school and being a full 3D character. And that one scene where he gives the extra credit presentation and Trent high fives the man. Classic. 

Can I also just say, it’s kinda valid that Paxton didn’t want to date her in public. Is it a dick move...yeah? But he’s within his rights to ask and she’s within her rights to deny. And he didn’t press her once she said no, he went along with it. And what Devi pulled on him is awful, and speaking as someone who’s seen popular kid cliques. Reputation really is important. Like what Devi did made Paxton lose face, if he gets back with Devi he ain’t gonna have any respect left in him. And Paxton was pretty right in deciding to not date her publicly, like even in the end he knows that his reputation is shot for what he did. Do we even know if Paxton has friends that aren’t fixated on his social status? Because becoming a social pariah without having any support of friends is gonna hurt like a bitch. Lord knows how Paxton gonna deal with it. I think Trent might be his only homie after the social downfall he will inevitably face. 

I’m just gonna say, Paxton is my favourite now and I’m really rooting for him. Something I decidedly did not do last season. I’m happy Ms Kaling developed him so much and got me interested. 

3. Ben Gross

Ah. Ben. Ben’s not my faaavouriteee.......like he’s fine. But I don’t love him. I can definitely see him and Devi becoming an almost endgame couple though. Especially with S2 ending. 

Ben is fine and he’s pretty developed, especially with his episode in S1 and it was good he took a backseat this season and let everyone else star. I feel like he’ll come back strong next season though. 

Personally do I ship him with Devi? No. I’ve been in a friendship with the similar competitive dynamic as Ben and Devi. And it was terrible. We loved to argue and we got each other’s super brainy side as Devi puts it. But we pushed each other faar too much and even the small things became arguments and each pthers achievements became jealousy. So yeah....I don’t have too much faith in the dynamic due to personal bias, but I’d love to see how it gets handled. 

Also my brother Ben, PDA is a thing and it is common courtesy to refrain from it. Man’s really going at it with Aneesa half the time. But also the moment where Aneesa sort of choked on the presentation and Ben’s irritation at it gave me BAAAD vibes. It feels like while Devi can match him, they might push each other too far, 

4. Kamala 

I LOVE KAMALA. Girl is an ENTIRE vibe. My sweetheart, love of my life. I could go on. I really like her development as well and the banter between her and Nalini. The part where Nalini practically said she looked like a call girl and she was like ippadi potathaan velaila mariyaatha kidaikum. I legit had to pause, scream in laughter for a good few seconds. 

They had such a good story with her and wanting to fight against the fact that they took her work and didn’t credit her and everyone was telling her to like take it bowing. Prasanth’s advice unfortunately checked out to me, because I’ve been told that all my life. My dad says it a lot and I know he doesn’t say it cause’ he doesn’t believe in me, but he loves me and wants my life to be easier and for me to succeed and his experience is that he’s had to deal with things like this and fighting won’t help. So yeah, what Prasanth said did not rub me the wrong way at all and I agreed with it and I’m fairly disappointed about that. I get that she got nervous and had cold feet about marriage but I do hope she and Prasanth can work this out through communication. Because I really don’t feel like Prasanth is the bad guy here. It’s just a miscommunication. 

So yeah, a LOT of Kamala’s storyline continues to really hit me hard. 

5. Nalini Vishwakumar

Nalini really had so much more screentime to blossom. I love that she has a good relationship with Mohan’s amma. It’s wonderful and I love it. Also I was shocked to see the house in Chennai. Like this house...in Chennai. The Chennai I’m used to and the Chennai they are used to are different Chennai’s. Basically wealth gap is crazy as hell and I was lowkey highkey confused if the actually shot this shit in Chennai. But props to the directors for putting some proper Tamil vibes in there. Like the scene where they kaala thottu kumbudurathu (touch the elder’s feet) before they leave for the US is so real and so vibes. I like that they decided to bring paati back. I was like hoping for it.

Also they really went at developing Nalini’s character as a workaholic mom who doesn’t get her daughter. That’s also a really common thing in Indian households with one working parent so I’m happy they portrayed that. I’m happy Nalini actually has a life outside her family portrayed and is still such a typical mother that it hits HARD. I love Nalini and she really developed as a character dealing with grief from Mohan’s death, the wish to move on with Dr.Jackson but knowing that she isn’t ready yet. 

They gave her character a life and proper working outside Devi and it really has shown to develop her character and impact her relationship with Devi. The advice to “just say yes” works with cousins and younger siblings as well, I’ve heard it before and used it..and it saves so much time. Especially with small children. 

(A memory I have is of my younger cousin going on and on about a princess and a castle and fighting a dragon and the witches and so much fantasy shit and ended with do you wanna come? I just clocked off my CCA’s and I had no energy left to question it so I just went yeah sure. Easiest decision, and 10/10 advice. )

6. Aneesa

I’m not gonna lie. I was skeptical of Aneesa and I didn’t like how Devi saw her in the trailer. But Aneesa reminds me so much of me....and its killing me. 

Also the scene where she charms the hell out of Nalini and paati ma has literally happened to me before. Most of my Indian friends hate it..because I was raised with a lot more traditional manners with my grandparents so me and my siblings all are old fashioned which parents LOVE. And I really saw that Aneesa charming them and Devi also realizing, Damn none of my friends actually treat my family the way they should be treated, perks of having an Indian friend. 

Also the scene where she gets Devi out of trouble is so so real. Because if you have one responsible friend that you parents trust, you could lie the hell to them, get you homie to back you up and it will work. Personal experience. So yeah, Aneesa character resonated with me a lot.

I also like that she wasn’t just a popular 1D Indian girl but she was genuinely cool and actually had proper issues and development where she gets more open to Sherman Oaks and actually kinda properly rebels against Noor, with having Ben as a boyfriend. 

I feel like Aneesa has a lot more potential for growth, especially with the relationship with Ms Noor and Aneesa acting as a foil to Nalini and Devi’s. Also, I feel like Aneesa can grow within her social status at school as well and have Devi maturely handle it. Aneesa I feel will really really challenge Devi’s ability to be mature. 

7. Eleanor and Fabiola’s plotlines

Okay like actually, major props to Ms Kaling man. This show touches so so many teen issues in one goddamn show. Emotionally manipulative relationships. So SO good. A lot of newer age relationships have a much more subtle and dangerous line of abuse that’s hard to find out. Like honestly it took me a while to see it as well and I realized oh fuck. oh fuck...I see it it’s bad. They really got the essence of Eleanor’s flamboyance matching with Malcom? (is it Malcolm..fuck it it’s Malcolm now) his “suaveness” and traditionally charming tendency. It made sense and it’s very realistic how Eleanor got played like a damn fiddle. I also again feel that the make up was faar to quick but I really appreciate that Eleanor got her own storyline with her step-mom and understanding of relationships instead of the show hyperfocusing on just Devi. I respect that a lot.  Petition to get a Eleanor narration episode. 

Fabiola’s storyline also was well taken. It’s an interesting added layer to the queer experience and how queerness can be expected to be performative and but really its all about being more of yourself. The idea that queer people don’t owe nobody anything or have to perform an ideal version of queerness and Fabiola struggling with that kinda hit. The part where they talked about her mother learning to support them and being Cricket? Queen/King. Like being trailblazers for the POC community and the LGBTQ+ community having overlapping struggles. Again, I liked that Fabiola was getting more personal screentime and less of her story revolving around Devi’s. 

8. Everything else

I liked that there was more Tamil being casually thrown around. Like the Kamala vaadi to hold the suitcase down as they zipped it together was funny and relatable. The accents were really interesting because I promise you, I had no clue what they were saying sometimes. Nalini’s dialogues in Tamil were like immensely difficult to understand, and my Tamil is fluent. This isn’t a criticism... I’m fairly certain the difference is to do with the regional difference. American Tamil and Malaysian + rural Tamil slang are going to have huge accent differences so there’s no surprise that I found Nalini’s Tamil hard to understand. 

I’m really really really meh about the Kamala and Manish/Mr Kulkarni thing. I still think she should sort it out with Prasanth maybe but I’m open to seeing where it goes. I might change my mind with it. 

This show like any other show had its highs and lows. But I really really do feel that NHIE season 2 managed to truly figure out what the hell it wants to do and developed into a very strong and very entertaining show in terms of representation and diversity. I’m looking forward to season 3. 

[chickensarentcheap]

Best Part of Me -Chapter 31

Warning: Profanity

Tagging: @c-a-v-a-l-r-y​, @innerpaperexpertcloud​, @alievans007​,  @ocfairygodmother​

Two days later he finds himself on a chartered plane to The Kimberley; paying handsomely and out of pocket for the privacy and security that a flight of that nature could...and would...provide him with. Contacting an old buddy from his SASR days that had started his own travel company flying people throughout the northern territory of Australia; mostly tourists wanting to spend their time roaming  the remotest of places. Thrill seekers who wanted to try their hand at cliff diving or getting up close and personal with the prolific wildlife;   exploring the waterfalls and the gorges and getting a taste of life in the outback. When Tyler had called and offered triple what one day of flights would bring in plus a bonus for fuel and for a vow silence, his buddy had jumped at the chance. Clearing his schedule for twenty-five hours and offering at be at Tyler’s beck and call, promising not to ask any questions or expect any answers or explanations. He was on a need to know basis, and he simply didn’t need to know.

He rents a vehicle in Broome under a fake name; paying cash and giving extra when he fails to provide any identification verifying who  he is.  He barely speaks; simple yes or no answers, never giving too much or too little. Keeping his sunglasses over his eyes and his ball cap on his head; beard trimmed close to his face; hair tightly cropped to the scalp.  He wants to keep things on the down low just in case he is on someone’s radar. The less people who know his business, the better. Fewer bread crumbs left scattered about means he has a better chance of keeping things off the grid. If someone IS watching him and his family, it’s of dire importance to keep things quiet. Don’t draw attention to yourself. Don’t arouse suspicion. And most importantly, don’t put an even bigger target on your back.

He sits in the car rental parking lot; behind the wheel of a Range Rover that’s used to the roads and can handle the rugged and sometimes unforgiving terrain, checking his text messages and emails. The mystery of who Salena actually is continues to deepen; there’s no record of anyone with that name -first or last- having ever attended college of university anywhere in Australia within the past twenty years. Nothing found through the department of transport; no record of a driver’s license issued through them, no vehicle ownership, no tickets or other driving infractions. It’s going to take long than Tyler had anticipated or hoped; his contacts needing time to hack into government databases. Years on the job have left him a wealth of ‘friends’; people who respect and trust him ,who he in turn can rely on to not ask too many questions and he knows won’t turn him away when he shows up out of the blue asking for help.

There had been  no luck on the Jeep; other than learning that the plates had been stolen three days before from a grocery store parking lot in Victoria. How they’d ended up on a vehicle in Cooktown presents an even bigger question. He’d wanted to avoid confronting Salena himself; hoping he’d get the answers he wanted -and needed-without resorting to calling her out. He plans to give it three more days. If he hears nothing by the end of the week, he will go over to the house and demand she tell him what the fuck is going on. No one puts his family in jeopardy. Perceived or not. And if he doesn’t hear what he wants, she will find out the hard way just how savage he can actually be.

He calls home. One of the ‘rules’ they’d adopted years ago -and stuck to - when they’d first gotten married was to always call when you reach your destination; so the other knows that you’ve arrived safe and sound.  The other is that you never leave the house without saying ‘I love you’. Life is too short, and if Dhaka had taught them anything.  it was how quickly and drastically things could go wrong;  your entire existence dramatically -and permanently- altered.  And although he hadn’t seen the Jeep or the driver in the past forty eight hours, the lack of leads and solid information have left a bitter taste in his mouth, along with the even more speculation and suspicion. Things are NOT what they seem. He’s one hundred percent sure of that. It isn’t paranoia or hypervigilance or a case of him being an overprotective husband and father; it’s fact. The neighbour and the Jeep driver both sounding the alarm and kicking his instincts into high gear.

He hasn’t said a word. Not wanting to spook her or the kids. For now he simply plays his cards close to his chest. Keeping an eye on everyone and everything; coming up with a game plan for every possible scenario.

“But when will you be home?” Tanner asks, sounding dangerously close to tears. He’d expected Millie or TJ to be the emotional and sensitive ones; they’ve always taken his absences a lot of harder than their brother. Tanner had always been the strong and stoic one; the emotional and moral support for his siblings. But since Tyler’s return from New Zealand, the dynamic between them has changed. Their relationship tighter and stronger than ever.

“I’ll be there when you get home from school tomorrow,” Tyler assures him, his own lump of emotion sitting squarely and solidly in his throat. It’s so fucking hard. Leaving them. Even when it’s just an overnight trip.

“You promise?”

“I promise. I just have a couple of things to do. An old friend to see. Then I’m coming right home.”

“”You’ll be here when we get off the bus?”

“I will. And I tell you, I’ll pick you guys up. We’ll go out and do something before going home. Just the three of us. Okay?”

“Okay daddy,” Tanner swallows noisily.

“You tell Millie and TJ what I said.  That I’ll meet you guys at school. And you help out your mum, yeah? You do whatever she saw and whatever she asks. No giving her a hard time. Promise?”

“I promise. You promise, too? That you’ll be there to pick us up?”

“I promise, mate. I’ll be there.”

“I love you, daddy.”

“I love you too. And I’ll see you tomorrow. Let me talk to mommy.”

“Okay,” Tanner sniffles noisily, and there’s a slight rustling as the phone is passed from one person to the other, followed by Esme giving gentle yet firm orders about starting -and finishing- homework before anyone is allowed time on the beach.

“You got there okay?” She speaks to him now, voice quiet and tired.

“Safe and sound. It’ll take a couple of hours to get there. I don’t know how good the reception is going to be when I get there. It used to be shit when I lived there.”

“That must have been so disappointing for you and your harem of women,” she teases. “Hard to sext with unreliable reception.”

“You’re a smart ass, you know that?”

“So you tell me.”

“If the signal is decent later, I’ll sext you later.”

“Yeah?” she laughs. “I think I’d rather it happen over the phone. So I can hear your voice. I’d much rather hear you say disgustingly dirty things than type them. You’re a master of naughty talk. And in that voice, ” she sighs happily, then turns serious. “You sound tired.”

“I am. It wasn’t a good night last night.”

Another nightmare; a new one this time. Of masked and heavily armed men breaking into the house and binding him to a chair and  forcing him to watch as they raped and murdered his wife. Then shooting him -non fatally- before taking off with the kids. He can still hear their voices; his children...his flesh and blood...screaming in terror and pleading with him to help them. He’d woken up with a choked sob; bolting into a sitting position, body covered head to toe in sweat, tears streaming down his face and his heart pounding and his chest aching. Somehow he’d managed to not wake Esme up, and for an hour he’d laid beside her watching her sleep. Marvelling in the way the moonlight bathed her skin in an ethereal glow and how her lips were curved into the smallest and softest of smiles; the ends of her eyelashes brushing against the top of her cheeks and her body rising and falling with each slow, steady breath.

And when she’d mentioned at breakfast how restless he’d been through the night, he’d lied and placed the blame on his shoulder and knee. She didn’t need to hear that; the horrific and grotesque details of some fucked up night terror. In the same way he’d never tell her about Gaspar’s real offer and the things Asif had planned for her.

“You’re okay now?” she asks. “Is it any better?”

He wants to tell her that physically he feels pretty damn good; nothing more than a dull ache in the shoulder and a stiff knee. Mentally he’s struggling. The cravings for the Oxy have diminished, but the ones for booze are powerful and nearly all consuming. It’s the stress of not knowing what’s happening; the worry of the unknown. Just exactly who is the new next door neighbor? Who was it that had been watching him and the kids? Is his family going to be safe while he’s gone? Ovi and Kyle are there; and while it gives him some piece of mind, they don’t stand a chance against the type of people that Tyler has faced.

“It’s better,” he replies. “Knee’s a bit stiff but that’s nothing new. I’m always going to hobble like I’m eighty. I’m used to it now.”

“Well for what it’s worth, I think your hobble is kind of cute,” she says.

“I’d like to tell you that that makes me feel better, but when you use the word cute…”

“You ARE cute though. In a lot of ways. And you can’t convince me otherwise. You call me cute.”

“Because you ARE cute. You were especially cute this morning when you were looking up at me while waking me up by sucking my…”

“Okay,” she interrupts with a giggle. “We do not need a play by play of this morning. Because it will only get me all hot and bothered and now is not a good time to be hot and bothered. Behave yourself, okay? Don’t get into any trouble.”

“I promise I will not get into any drunken bar brawls.”

“I’d like you stay sober, please. I know how much Koen likes his beer and he’s going to want a drinking buddy and he hasn’t seen you in a long time and...”

“I know how to say no. I’m forty years old. I won’t give in to peer pressure.”

“I just worry about you. I know you’re in a bad place right now and being away from home might make the urges stronger and…”

“ I’m not going to lose you. Or my kids. I’ve got this. It’s not going to beat me.”

“You’re a strong man, Tyler Rake. Regardless of what you think.”

He smiles. “I love you, baby.”

“I love you, too. Come home quick, play? We miss you. I miss you.”

“That soon?” He grins. “That’s gotta be a record.”

“Well I’ve gotten used to you being around. I know I sometimes bitch and moan about you…”

“Sometimes?”

“...but I still like having you here.”

“Yeah? Well I like being there. You make it pretty easy to stick around.”

“Even with all my bitching and moaning?”

“Even then.”  

“Drive safe,  okay? And don’t tell me not to worry about you because that will never happen. If you can get a signal, call me later. Just so I know how you are. I kind of like hearing your voice  before I go to sleep.”

“I will,” Tyler promises. “I’ll be home tomorrow. My flight gets in at noon.”

“I’ll pick you up.”

“Esme, you don’t…”

“I’ll pick you up,” she insists. “Don’t give me a hard time about this. Just me do something nice for you, alright?”

He smiles. “Alright.”

“We’ll talk soon. I love you, Tyler.”

He’s always loved the way his name has sounded coming out of her mouth. Whether it’s sweet and loving like just now,  or soft and sleepy when he wakes her up after she’s falling asleep against him on the couch. Or   when she’s in the midst of a round of hysterical giggles when he’s tickling her mercilessly or when it’s interspersed with moans and sighs during more intimate moments or she’s screaming it loud enough to wake the dead.

“I love you, Esme,” he says in return. “So much. I’ll see you when I see you.”

She gives a small laugh. “You haven’t said that in a long time. That used to be our ‘thing’. Whenever you’d leave for a job, you never left without saying that. I’ve missed it. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

With that she disconnects the call. And for several minutes he sits there in that dusty parking lot, tears stinging his eyes as he stares down at the phone clutched tightly in his hand.

****

The road is ragged and rough, but there’s a familiarity to it that Tyler has missed. The way the SUV rocks and slides; the crunch and pop of stone and dirt under the tires and the patter of pebbles against metal and the windshield. The plume of dust that is kicked up behind him.  It’s been years since he’s been out this way; returning once shortly after he’d finished his stint in rehab after Dhaka. His counsellor convincing him that it would be beneficial to his progress if he visited one last time; the act of saying goodbye to that part of his past giving him a sense of closure, and making it easier for him to get on with the present AND the future. But he’d felt nothing upon his return; he’d never formed any kind of bond with the place, using it primarily as just somewhere to eat and lay his head. And drink himself into oblivion nearly every night.

His mind is much clearer now. It’s been years since he’d last taken Oxy, and six months since even a drop of booze. He feels a little more nostalgic;  the mountain range and the sparse treeline coming into view, spying the rusted old gate that’s still standing after all these years.

He immediately thinks of that afternoon seven years ago when he’d returned home to find a helicopter sitting in his front yard and Nik waiting for him on the porch. He’d been irritated at first; all he’d wanted was to be alone and to wallow in his own self pity and maybe even drink and drug himself to death. Then he’d realized that Nik was likely bringing what he needed the most: an escape. That she had something big for him; a job he couldn’t -and wouldn’t- refuse.  And he remembers standing in the kitchen as she sent into a spiel about one drug dealer snatching another drug dealer’s kid and how he was being held in Dhaka. The front door had been open and he’d let his mind wander as she spoke and that’s when he saw her: a tiny brunette with an impossibly tight and toned body in jean shorts, tank top, and flip flops, climbing out of the helicopter.  Chatting and laughing over her shoulder with Yaz as she headed towards the shack. Pausing on the porch as Maggie -his old and faithful canine companion- happily greeted the newcomer; immediately flopping over onto her back and demanding stomach rubs.

He’d stood there watching; barely hearing a word Nik said as he noted all the tattoos and the piercings in her nose and and just below her bottom lip. The way one strap of the tank top kept slipping off her shoulder.  Knowing that his life was about to change, but never imagining just how much.

Koen is standing on the front porch when Tyler steps out of the SUV; an Australian cattle dog with a yellow bandana tied around its neck sitting patiently as his friend’s side, tail wagging in excitement. Koen’s one of his oldest -and dearest- friends; serving together throughout their years in the SASR. Walking through hell together in war zones like Kabul and Kandahar; dodging bullets and escaping death and shedding blood, sweat, and tears. He’s a decade older than Tyler; grittier, weathered. Several inches shorter; stocky and wide, his youthful and more muscular days behind him. But he’s rough; tough as nails and fearless. And even now Tyler would still trust him to have his back in even the most dire and dangerous of situations.

“Jesus...Christ…”  Koen grumbles as Tyler approaches, and then ruffles the scruff of the dog’s neck. “...Sadie, get the shotgun. We’ve got a sketchy bastard in our midst.”

“Is Sadie your right palm or your left?” Tyler inquires.

“Always were a smart ass little prick. You kiss your mother with that mouth?”

“Nope. But I kiss yours.”

Koen smirks, and in two strides he’s off the porch and embracing Tyler warmly; a tight, affectionate huge that comes with years of surviving the worst together. “Holy shit…” he drawls, and gives Tyler’s hair a tussle and then holds him out at arms length. “...you’re a big bastard now, ain’t ya.”

“Two thirty, two thirty five. Maybe a bit heavier.”

Koen squeezes Tyler’s shoulders, then his biceps. “Like a fucking brick wall. What the hell she been feeding ya?”

“Lots of good shit. She treats me right. I can’t complain.”

“Can’t believe she’s still putting up with the likes of you. I gave her the chance, you know. When you were all laid up in that hospital with a tube in your dick. Told her if she wanted a real man, I was ready, willing, and able.  She wouldn’t take me up on it, though. Already attached to you for some fucking reason. How you keeping? Things are good? You look good.”

“I feel good. What’s this?” He slaps the back of his hand against Koen’s stomach. “When ya due?”

“I oughta slap that shit eating grin clear off your face. And I would if I hadn’t missed your sorry face. Good to you, mate. Damn good to see you.” Koen embraces him once again. “Wasn’t sure you’d make it. Didn’t look too good for a while.”

“That was almost seven years ago,” Tyler points out.,

“Been that fucking long?” Koen gives a long, low whistle and shakes his head. “Sometimes feels like it was just yesterday. Getting that call. How she ever tracked me down while you were in a coma, I’ll never know.”

“A nurse gave her my phone. She just went through my contacts, picked a name, and hoped for the best.”

“You’re a fucking lucky bastard, you know. Having a girl like that. Any lady that will stick by your side like that...do the things she did...well that’s a lady worth keeping. You’ve been treating her right, I hope. Because I’m not above calling her and finding out. Or kicking your ass if she’s got bad tales to tell.”

“We’ve been through some shit,” Tyler admits. “But she’s still hanging in there. For some reason or another.”

“Needs her goddamn head read, if you ask me. Why should she be stuck with that,” he nods at Tyler. “When she could have this?”

Tyler just chuckles, and Koen slings an arm around him and leads the way inside.

****

The shack is more habitable now; the living area, bedroom, and kitchen are still open concept, but a wall now separates them from the bathroom. There’s insulation and sheetrock; no rickety wooden planks with gaps and holes that used to let in the rain and dirt when the wind storms picked up. It’s plain yet bright; light beige pint, a wood floor glazed over with a natural stain, hand constructed butcher block counter tops in the kitchen and a toilet, sink, and tub in sparkling condition. The roof is still tin though, and Tyler can vividly recall the sound of rain hammering against it; lonesome and depressing on the darkest and emptier of nights.

Koen gestures for him to take a seat at the kitchen table -the same one that had been there when Tyler had given him the place nearly seven years ago- and he takes a seat in one of the weathered and wobbly chairs. Watching as his old friend moves to the cupboard above the sink and takes out two glasses and a half empty bottle of whisky. Tyler  doesn’t say anything at first; silent as Koen pours the amber coloured liquor into the glasses and then places one in front of him before taking a seat across the table.

He considers it; just ONE drink. Something to take the edge of. His fingertips against the cold, smooth surface of the glass; smelling it, tasting it on his lips and his tongue. The craving gnaws at his belly and preys on his mind; telling him he needs it. Deserves it. And the rim of the glass is pressed against his lips when the sunlight streaming through the kitchen window catches the white gold of his wedding band. The glint capturing his attention; a proverbial kick in the ass for even considering what he was about to do. And he sets the glass down on the table without taking a single sip.

Koen frowns. “Something wrong?”

“I don’t do this anymore,” Tyler says.  “Drink. I haven’t for six months.”

He expects some kind of trash talking, or at least a laugh and incredulous shake of the head. But Koen just gives a nod of understanding and then stands up, carrying the glass to the sink and dumping the whisky down the drain.

“Why the fuck didn’t you say something?” He asks, then grabs a bottle of water from the fridge and then sets it down in front of Tyler before returning to his seat. “Sober, huh?”

“Half a year now.”

“Must have been hard.”

“Still is,” Tyler admits. “But I made a promise.  To stay clean. To my wife and my kids. And that’s a promise I intend to keep.”

Koen grins. “Good man. About time you cleaned yourself up. You were on a pretty dangerous path there. Didn’t like the way you were headed. But you’re a stubborn bastard and you wouldn’t listen to a damn thing I had to say. Go figure it took a pretty girl to get through to you. She’s good?”

“She’s  good,” he confirms. “Very good.”

“And the kids?”

“Getting big. Every day I look at them and I notice things changing about them. And they’re smart. Crazy smart. Especially Millie. So much like her mom.”

“Well thank God she got the brains from her momma because if she got the looks and the smarts from you, I’d pity the poor child. And the new one? How’s she doing?”

“Growing like a weed. Still tiny as hell though. Looks just like Esme.”

He reaches into the side pocket of his cargo short and takes out his phone; bringing up the photo gallery and then passing the cell to his friend.

“Now ain’t she a teeny thing,” Koen smiles, as he scrolls through the pictures. “How does something that small come from the likes of you? And Jesus, look at the twins. Spitting image of you. Especially this little bloke…” he holds the screen out towards Tyler, showing him a picture of Tanner taken just minutes after  he’d gotten Tyler’s old hair cut; the one he’d been sporting when he’d met Esme. “...which one is he?”

“That’s Tanner. The youngest of the two.”

“Fucking looks just like you. Especially with that hair. That’s how I remember you looking. With that hair. Now you got a mini me wandering around out there. Hope all the parents lock their daughters up. Especially if he’s anything like you. You’re very fortunate, you know. Never thought I’d see you like this...a husband...a father...but I’m glad I did. If anyone deserved to get their shit together and deserved to have a second chance at life, it was you. And this…” he holds the phone out once again; a candid photo of Esme on the beach. A close up that Tyler had taken after he’d tried to teach her how to surf; her hair wet and dangling down the sides of her face,  freckles of sand on her forehead and cheeks, a slight sunburn on the bridge of her nose, eyes sparkling as she smiled.  

“You lucky fucker,” Koen scoffs. “You better keep on the straight and arrow, ‘cause I reckon there’s a lot of blokes that wouldn’t mind taking your place beside the likes of her.”

“She’s definitely a keeper,” Tyler agrees. “I’m not letting her go anytime soon.”

“Or ever,” his friend says, and he nods. “I was surprised when you called and said you were taking a trip out here.  Didn’t expect to you see until next weekend when I gave up the place up for a couple of days. What’s going on? Everything okay?”

“I’ve got something I want to run by you. An idea. A business proposition. I thought it was best if I didn’t wait until next week. And that we should talk about it face to face.”

“Sounds pretty serious. You okay?”

“I’ve got some shit going on.” Tyler admits.

“The PTSD still?”

He nods.

“That shit is a fucking nightmare,” Koen mutters, and takes a long swallow of whisky. “So what’s this about? This idea? This business thing?”

“I’m getting back into the game.”

“The mercenary gig? Why the fuck would you want to do that? Didn’t learn your lesson the first time you took a bullet to the throat?”

“This won’t be like the last time. This is different. I’m different.”

“You’re fucking crazy is what you are. Wanting to get back into that shit. You’ve got a family now. Think that’s the best life for them? For a wife and kids? Especially five little ones. Why would you want to put them through that? Going away and leaving them to wonder if daddy’s ever coming home?”

“Leave my kids out of this. It has nothing to do with them.”

“It has everything to do with them,” Koen growls. “I can see why you’d want to do this if you were alone and had nothing to lose. But fuck, mate. You’ve got everything to lose. What the hell is wrong with you?”

Tyler scowls. “You going to listen to what I have to say or are you just going to keep lecturing me?”

“I should be beating your ass is what I should be doing. For being so fucking stupid.”

“You done? You going to let me talk or…”

“I need another drink to put up with the likes of you,” Koen mutters, then gets up from the table and pours himself another.

“I’m starting my own business,” Tyler tells him.

“Your own merc business?”

He nods.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” Koen knocks back the whisky in one gulp. “Why the ever loving hell?”

“I’ve already started getting the word out. Reaching out to people I’ve done jobs for, guys I’ve worked with, contacts I’ve held onto. Once things really start spreading around, there won’t be a shortage of jobs. And guys willing to jump ship to come work for me.”

“So why you here? Why come talk to me?”

“I’m offering you a job.”

Koen’s eyes narrow. “As a merc?”

“A well paid one.”

“Holy...shit…” Koen chuckles and shakes his head. “What in the blue hell?”

“You and I go back a lot of years,” Tyler reminds him.

“A hell of a lot,” his friend agrees.

And I wouldn’t come to you if I didn’t trust you. With my life I know a lot of guys...a lot of experienced mercs...and I still would want you having my back over any of them.”

“Don’t try and sweet talk me, blue eyes. Your pretty face won’t work its magic on me.”

“You’ve got the experience. You’ve put in a fuck of a lot of years with the SARS. Even more than me.  So you’d be able to do this. You’re a hell of a good shot, you’ve got tons of combat experience, and you know your way around a tons of different weapons. Your hand to hand combat leaves a little to be desired, but…”

“A little to be desired, huh? How about we go outside right now and I show you how good my hands are.”

Tyler scoffs. “You wanting me to fight me or are you offering to jerk me off?”

Koen smirks.

“I know your military benefits are shit. Probably not much more than mine. You can’t live off that forever. I’m offering you a chance of a lifetime here. We’re talking big money.”

“How big?”

“These would be big jobs. High profile clients. You know that gig I had in Ireland? Right before we moved back here?”

Koen nods.

“I got five million for that. And that was only part of the job. I didn’t even need to see it through. Imagine the kind of payouts we’d bring in from big spenders?”

“Are you telling me I’m sitting across from a millionaire right now?”

Tyler just smiles.

“Jesus fuck. Are you serious?”

“I won’t tell you who paid me. That doesn’t matter. But we’d be attracting people with even more money and even bigger scores to settle. You can’t tell me that doesn’t sound like something you’d go for.”

“How many of us are there?”

“I’ve got three so far. An ex Marine, Ovi…”

“The kind you pulled out of Dhaka?”

“...and Rata.”

Koen’s glass is pressed against his lips. “You already talked to that rat bastard? Before me? When?”

“Last night he came by the house. He was in Cairns with that new girlfriend of his. Didn’t take much to get him to come on board.”

“Yeah, he’s always been a few bricks short a load, though.”

“I need you in on this,” Tyler insists. “You’d be the perfect fit. I know the things you can do. I saw them...for myself...in Kabul and Kandahar. This is right up your alley.”

“How the hell are you going to pull this off? Get everything you need? Guns, ammo, whatever the fuck else a merc uses.”

“You don’t spend years as a mercenary and not make contacts. Reliable ones. I’ve got a guy stopping here in the morning.  He has a haul of stuff for me. Rifles, handguns, utility vests, grenades. You name it. And there’s more where that came from. A lot more.”

“You’re fucking insane, you know that? Getting mixed up with this shit again.”

“Maybe,” Tyler admits. “But it’s what I know. It’s who I am. Why piss away an opportunity like this?”

Koen sighs, then shakes his head and gets up to fetch himself another drink.

“So,” Tyler says, as he leans back in his chair, legs stretched out in front of him, arms crossed over his chest. “You in or out?”

“Fuck it,” Koen growls, then downs his drink and slams the empty glass down on the counter top. “I’m in.”

[aegon]

it makes me so angry at how disney wasted finnrey. their narrative was all about belonging and looking forward not back, i get the appeal of enemies to friends to lovers but finnrey was just wasted and for what? k*lo dies, she ends up alone. they could’ve explored redemption with a sibling dynamic between r*ylo, romance wasn’t needed there. but you can’t have an interracial relationship in a disney film, and anyway a bad guy needs the promise of a cute girlfriend to pull him towards the light.

literally everyone I know who watched tfa when it first came out were so sure that finn and rey would get together - two people from two totally different walks of life, on the run, fighting against a fascist order, finding a family in each other, looking for a home, scared shitless yet still so brave, in waaaaay over their heads but still standing tall, like??? they are perfection????

instead of rey being some consolation prize for someone finding their lacklustre conscience, finn and rey worked off each other and built themselves up, they were a team, partners, always there for each other. for finn, rey was always rey - it had nothing to do with her power, nothing to do with what she offered him, and everything to do with who she was. he loved her and she loved him with or without the force.

I mean, isn’t that an amazing message? that you don’t need to be powerful to get someone’s attention? that you could be some scavenger somewhere, or some lost soul wandering in a desert, and you’d still find someone who sees the light in you? who thought you were special when everyone thought differently??

finnrey is literally the type of relationship that’s healthy enough for kids to aspire to. yes, enemies to lovers is a sexy trope - but what should we be promoting more? finding love with the friend who’s always looked out for you, or one where you hurt each other over and over until by some miracle, he sees the light?

I’m just so tired of seeing poisonous romances on tv. it’s 2020, and interracial relationships are still something we consider “progressive” or “groundbreaking” when it should be as normal as anything else. I just want a relationship that I can look at and think, “yeah, that’s what I want for myself too,” that I can show to my teenage cousin and say, “find you someone like that.” as young kids, we look towards the media we consume and the relationships around us to help us develop our own sense of what we want too. kids should be able to look towards one of the biggest franchises in the world and see something inspirational there.

especially in today’s age, the age of divisions, the age where racial and lgbt equality is still an issue: disney deciding that the whitest, most heteronormative ship should be validated despite its numerous issues is somehow more appealing than two realistic interracial romances is just.....honestly, I have no words. the fuck is wrong with them?? the fuck kind of message is that??? fuck me.

[rivetgoth]

Okay, the verdict is out, I finally got to watch THREE FROM HELL after anticipating it for ages and I got some thoughtz.

First, some full disclosure, so y’all know where my biases are:

1. I genuinely adore House of 1000 Corpses and I consider The Devil’s Rejects one of my favorite movies of all time. In general I really adore a lot of Rob Zombie’s work — I also loved 31. That being said, he’s been hit or miss in the past and there’s some stuff of his I really detested too, but overall he’s not only impressed me but stood out as the creator of some of my absolutely favorite films. I wanna clarify this because I’ve seen a lot of people write up scathing reviews for this film that literally start with “I HATE ROB ZOMBIE’S MOVIES!!!!!” and that just seems like a really unfair way to approach a review specifically for a sequel. Idk what you’re expecting to get out of it.

2. Speaking of that, I love good horror sequels and some of my favorite movies of all time are specifically sequels. I fall in love with characters and concepts and I love seeing them expanded on in fun ways. I have no inherent negative feelings towards sequels at all.

I say all this to point out that I was genuinely looking forward to this movie without any unfair biases, it didn’t have to change my mind on anything larger than itself, like “convince me that Rob Zombie is a capable film director after all” or “convince me that sequels have artistic merit” or anything like that.

My overall thought, before I explain anything else, is pretty much that I feel like the first half of the film is extremely promising and fun, and the second half of the movie is so bad that I more or less wish I’d just turned it off halfway through and pretended that was the whole film. And, given the fact that so many of the developmental issues with the film that led to its shakiness came from Sid Haig’s declining health, I almost feel like this wasn’t a movie that had to be made at all — at least in this form.

I read one review that pretty much said that for Rob Zombie to revive this series he needed a damn good reason, and he never managed to make that reason clear. And I feel like that’s exactly what my overall takeaway was here. The ending of Devil’s Rejects is pretty much perfect. In order for that to be retconned and expanded upon, something really mind blowing had to happen. In general, even when you’re not taking the risk of retconning an ending of such epic proportions, if a sequel is made to something I want to see it do something new and uniquely memorable in its own right. Devil’s Rejects itself is a perfect example of this; one of the things I completely adore about it is the fact that it expanded upon the very classic retro slasher feel of 1000 Corpses to center the attention on the killers and recreate them as antiheroes with an entirely different tone. Similarly, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 stands out to me as one of the great horror sequels, partly in the way it so fearlessly completely shifts it’s tone away from the total frenzied isolation horror of TCM 1 and does something entirely different. Other series try less for “perspective/atmosphere shift” and more for “just go bigger” and that can work too — I think the increasing extremity of gore and complexity of the traps in the Saw series (which I love) is a good example, especially through the first three films which are by far the best as a coherent trilogy.

The WEIRD thing about Three From Hell is that Rob Zombie has clearly proven that he 1) understands the idea of sequels that build upon original films in unique new ways 2) has no qualms being increasingly and shamelessly extreme and shocking and horrific. But instead, I felt like Three From Hell is... jarringly tame, actually, compared to what we got from Rejects. And I mean, in some ways that’s fine, I didn’t necessarily miss the way-too-long graphic rape scene in Rejects, which is a miserable chore to get through in just how sickening it is. But there’s no moment where I felt that we get anything more extreme or intense than what’s seen in Rejects. It all feels like it’s been toned way down, which is bizarre to me. The victims aren’t people we’re sympathetic towards like the traveling musicians we meet in Rejects, and their deaths aren’t particularly gruesome - The majority of the deaths in this movie are “shot in the head” or “stabbed.” That’s it. The climax of the film is extremely similar to the opening shootout of Rejects, with significantly lower stakes and less memorable artistic direction, meaning that one film’s introductory scene is able to create a more intense moment than this one’s entire two hour duration.

The thing is, I feel like the first half of the movie really has potential. There are things I could nitpick — for example I love Richard Brake and I feel like Foxy is fun but flat — but the majority of my complaints would be things that, if the movie had a stronger second half, could easily have been further developed and solved. In fact, the first half of the movie feels like it’s gearing up to pretty much be exactly what I’d want out of a Rejects sequel. It’s weird and engaging and markedly different from its predecessors. It focuses on Otis, Spaulding, and Baby’s survival and arrest after the ending of Rejects, the subsequent trial, and then Otis’ escape and attempt to save Baby (after Spaulding is given the death penalty; more on that later). There’s a ton I love here, mostly Otis and Baby’s relationship being given more time in a really interesting way. The stakes are high and Otis clearly cares about his sister to a degree that feels like a fitting continuation of Rejects’ attempts at showing sympathetic or relatable aspects to these characters that makes them very three dimensional and complex. Bill Moseley is the fucking greatest and his ability to make Otis so completely depraved and unrestrained while also clearly caring about his family is one of my favorite things about the series and this played it up really well. You get the feeling that Otis is genuinely concerned for Baby, even after she’s freed, although it mostly comes out in yelling and deadpan snarking. Baby, meanwhile, gets the beginning of a completely fascinating character arc that included my favorite dialogue and scenes through the entire film as we’re shown that after a decade in prison she’s gone completely off the deep end. She rambles on about being Snow White and saving kittens and cries while hallucinating ballerinas with cat heads. By the time she’s free even Otis is expressing vocal concern for her. We get to meet the first half of the film’s main antagonist, Warden Virgil Harper, who was memorable and fun and felt right at home in the Rejects canon. We got the chance to see him developed into a character you almost start to feel sorry for; he’s cocky, but he clearly has no idea how in over his head he really is. On top of this, the scene when the clown shows up at Harper’s house while Otis and Foxy are torturing him and his friends and family is the best torture scene in the film in the complete absurd awfulness of the clown trying to put on a funny show while everyone is sobbing and a man is bleeding out.

At this point, the movie is going in a direction I totally dig. By the time Baby is finally free and able to reunite with Otis and he’s picking up on how fucked up she’s become, I’m genuinely excited to see how things will develop. It feels like Rob Zombie was setting up a film where we get to explore the siblings’ dynamic in a way that’s new and intriguing but developing from the things people loved in Rejects, which is that perfect blend of “utterly irredeemably despicable people” and “genuinely likable, oddly human characters.” Baby and Otis only really have each other at this point (Foxy is there, but even in the movie itself they allude to the fact that he really barely matters — a bit of a copout of a running gag, but whatever), and Baby actually voices this. It hit me at that moment how all of their family has died, and considering how much family has been a driving force for these characters, they were literally initially introduced in 1000 Corpses as the classic murder family and that’s all been taken from them, it’s genuinely sad. Spaulding’s death feels like it could be the final catalyst for... something to come from this, as that was Baby’s father and such a hugely important member of the Firefly family. We have Otis and Baby, alone (well, accompanied by Foxy) in the late 1980s (also a COMPLETELY not utilized detail), on the run as the country’s most wanted serial killers and trying to cope with the weird scenario of being merciless murderers who’ve had their entire family taken from them.

But we don’t get any of that in the second half. At all. Instead, we have Baby suggesting they all run away to Mexico. They do, winding up in a little hotel in the middle of nowhere full of prostitutes and alcohol. Baby wins a knife throwing contest against some big misogynistic guys. Then Danny Trejo’s character’s unmentioned son shows up (oh yeah; Danny Trejo was here for about 5 seconds, he died early on), has about 3 lines of dialogue, sends in 20 masked luchadors to kill Baby and Otis, they have an extremely long low stakes shootout, and with the help of the second half’s most interesting but still underdeveloped and shockingly unironically sympathetic character they burn Danny Trejo’s son alive and the movie ends. And that’s it. The characters regress even further backwards than their Rejects counterparts. They don’t really do... anything, actually. Otis fucks some women and then lays in bed flirting with them until the luchadors show up with their machine guns. My favorite moment was Otis’ attempts at saving Baby’s life by telling Aquarius (Danny Trejo’s character’s son) to let her go because he was the only one responsible for his father’s death, and they share a brief exchange about family. But that was one interesting moment amidst an extremely stale and low stakes plot separate from anything I care about after the intensity and high stakes present in the previous movie’s climax, and even this movie’s first half. A lot of things are recycled here, like the revenge plot driving the antagonist, but Sheriff Wydell’s descent into righteous insanity in Rejects was given way more time to develop, or a character betraying the Fireflys’ trust, but instead of the extremely memorably shocking, selfish betrayal from Charlie who was a longtime acquaintance clearly considered family (plus he actually attempts to “redeem” himself in the end), this is betrayal from a random hotel owner we do not know or care about. When the credits roll and we see Otis and Baby and Foxy driving away to... somewhere, I don’t even know where they’re going, I’m not even really sure what I’m supposed to feel. I chuckled a little at Baby being allowed to drive after an earlier argument where Otis asserted she shouldn’t, but that was it.

I hadn’t read anything about this movie before watching it, because I didn’t want anything to be spoiled for me. I was really excited for it! I learned that Sid Haig, who of course passed on only very recently (RIP), was dealing with very serious health issues that made him unable to film the movie, when originally the film had been written with the original infamous three - Otis, Baby, Spaulding - as the leads for the whole thing. Rob Zombie wanted to honor him with at least a cameo, knowing that the movie wouldn’t be the same without the Captain, but aside from a brief few minutes of screen time he had to rewrite the whole rest of the film with Spaulding removed. I feel like that’s where a majority of the problems with the movie lie. It’s why Foxy is as flat as he is and it’s why there’s an awkward uncertainty in how to deal with the loss of the Captain as the patriarch and why the whole idea of Otis and Baby’s aloneness is so awkwardly glossed over, like Mr. Zombie noticed the elephant in the room enough to address the turmoil but didn’t want to rewrite the entire movie from scratch to account for one of the most important characters in the franchise (maybe THE most important) being unexpectedly killed off.

Now, I LOVE some films that have been to developmental hell and back and came out as solid movies. In fact, there’s an extremely special place in my heart for films that fought tooth and nail to be made. It inspires me as a creator myself and it’s why indie low budget horror is my favorite genre of movie. I absolutely love seeing creators fight to bring their artistic visions to life against the odds. There are fantastic sequels out there where major actors either died or refused to/were unable to return and the stories were reworked or the actors replaced. I feel like something went wrong here. The moment he realized that Sid Haig would be unable to return, Rob Zombie should have set the whole thing aside and done a total rewrite. Right now, the knowledge of what was going on with Sid Haig behind the scenes makes the movie’s shortcomings go from “poor writing and storytelling decisions” to “genuinely extremely sad.”

One of the things I totally love about the writing of Devil’s Rejects is the way Rob Zombie inserts seemingly random moments that do nothing but add to the overall atmosphere and tone of his world. Random arguments, random character quirks, random shots of random things that simultaneously add a gritty “anything goes” realism as well as a surreal absurd humor. I’m also ALL for disjointed, nonlinear, or otherwise experimental and strange plots with a lot going on in them, I don’t think a big genre shift halfway through a movie is inherently bad. In the past, it’s been Rob Zombie’s fearlessness with experimenting with strange, often shameless storytelling decisions that have made his films so memorable and enjoyable and even inspiring to me. But in Three From Hell, there’s just a sense that everything feels kind of... disconnected and unfinished. It feels like two different movies were trying to be made and neither were fully developed. It just ends up sort of feeling like a kind of sad mess.

[diminuel]

(Rant Anon trying to human)

Yes, yes, this is good!! This makes me very happy. (Your answers don’t feel like babbling at all, which is why I felt a little embarrassed. I kind of go off, rambling in a bunch of directions until whatever thought I have burns out, but you have a very clear, organized approach and it’s a pleasure to read. I’m always like ‘how is English not your first language??’ when I read your stuff) I (mostly Sister) did a thing! (and I didn’t explode, yay! why am i this person) Maybe that makes answering easier? I still don’t understand all the things, I’m sorry. Anyway, it probably goes without saying, but if at any time you don’t feel like reading/discussing, please don’t feel obligated. Your time is valuable and it’s yours, so if you’re busy with other things, I totally understand and will not be offended in the least. Regarding performance between the brothers; I totally agree about Dean’s performance (and I do love the difference in the way he gets when he has Cas to himself. Well, except when he’s being a jerk to Cas *cough*). The performing is a double-edged sword; it’s not something that’s explicitly negotiated, so while it allows them to be comfortable with each other and respect each other’s comfort zones, it’s not a perfect system. Dean is afraid of being open with Sam, for the reasons you talked about (living up to a certain ideal - though I think he underestimates how well Sam knows him. Sam’s not stupid); I also think Sam’s well-aware of his brother’s communication/expression issues, and while most of the time, Sam treads carefully, sometimes I think he deliberately takes Dean at face value when he knows better because hey, he gets frustrated, too. I do wish we could see more of Sam’s ridiculous side. I think Dean tries hard to be a stable adult for Sam, and only in later seasons do I feel like he’s internalizing the idea that Sam himself is not a kid anymore, but there also seems to be a thing that happens where Dean exaggerates his own absurdity or plays dumb so Sam has an opportunity to assert his grown-upness - just like a big thing for Sam, for a while, was trying to prove himself and his competence and adultness, since he wants to be part of a team with Dean instead of someone else for whom Dean is taking responsibility. Unfortunately, I think that means Sam doesn’t feel comfortable goofing off as much, since they can’t both be ridiculous (or they can, but circumstances have to be right). Not that I begrudge Dean his antics; deliberately saying things you know are silly/stupid, particularly in front of other people, just so you can see a sibling give you the “are you fucking kidding me right now” face and try to compensate for you by being Extremely Professional is one of life’s great pleasures. Sorry, tangent. I started in S10 so cannot hope to match your internal screaming prowess, but it’s true that these are consistent problems with SPN. I kind of think it has something to do with the way they divide the episodes/the minimal collaboration between writers (as far as I understand the situation)? I agree with you, though, that there seems to be an increase in it. I just lately feel like I can’t even find the guiding thread throughout that ultimately makes me feel like “This is a flawed story, but it’s overall a decent one with a vague sense of continuity.” I have never been exactly happy with how they handle the show’s potential, but it’s entirely possible I’m getting tired and nitpicking, at this point. And yes, not just with Sam and Cas, I think the show wants us to assume a lot of things that I really feel like they need to explicitly put in. ‘Show, don’t tell,’ as they say. And your points about Jack! Ahhhh, my Jack bitterness. I was dreading the nephillim plot, to be honest, because I didn’t trust the show not to do it stupidly, and then there the adorable little bun was and I was pleasantly surprised (I mean, I was still frustrated with some things, but overall, I was optimistic about Jack’s introduction). And then. Obviously, this is just personal opinion, but the direction they took in S14 just … all the affection I’d developed for the character sort of started a backslide, I guess. I didn’t appreciate it or how it fit into the plot or how it fit with other character dynamics and I became very frustrated. I also kind of feel like - some of the Cas & Jack dynamic felt forced, because of how they handled S13, and then the thing you asked “does Sam no longer feel that way?” was one of my points of irritation. They were kind of developing a thing with Sam and I felt like it just got dropped completely (as Sam plots tend to do. I recognize my bias where Sam is concerned, but I don’t think it’s biased to say that in the last several seasons - since the Hell trials, even - he feels more like a supporting character even though he’s there all the time. I’ve even felt like we’ve been promised things, but Sam development/plot feels like one of the first things to go if there’s no space. That may be better than the way they tend to just use Cas for plot without even having the decency to put him in all the episodes, but lately it feels like all of TFW is getting shafted and at the same time, the plot doesn’t feel particularly well-developed or executed, which leads me to wondering, “What’s happening?? Where is all the time and energy going, then?”) My expectation with Jack would have been what they started in S13 - he’s a powerful entity in a grown up body trying to understand his nature, which can serve as a good exploration of good vs. evil and how choice factors into that, so very on topic for SPN, if something they’ve toyed around with before. And I would have assumed Jack was a lead up to closing out Lucifer’s storyline once and for all. But then they went places that didn’t really make sense to me and - well, basically, I’m a very frustrated fan, at the moment. “I would also love more TFW and the profound bond definitely has overshadowed anything else. Before. But now with Jack thrown into the mix there’s even less time for the original TFW. (And I don’t like that. Sometimes I like the addition of Jack and at other times I’m jealous of all the attention he diverts away from the things I’m most interested in.)” Yes, this. There’s so little time left and it’s precious and even if you like Jack, it’s sort of like - in your dying moments, you want to be surrounded by dear friends and family, not a next door neighbor you just get on quite well with. You care about them, sure, but you’re gasping your last, here. As for where Cas and Dean are at … gosh, but it’s frustrating. You’re asking great questions and I want to be able to speculate on the what-ifs, but I actually don’t feel like I can. My understanding of what place Dean and Cas are in kind of fell apart in 12x19 when Cas stole the Colt. I just - I struggled with that, a lot, because it was literally right after Dean gave him an incredibly specific, profound speech (especially expressive for Dean) about being better together, about being a team. I often feel frustrated with Dean because he’s so bad at using his words, and I feel like someone like Cas really needs words, since he just doesn’t pick up on all of Dean’s pining cues. (Which, I know Dean tries, but even if he says things like ‘you’re family, you’re our brother,’ Cas’s experience is that he’s not valued the same way Sam is so I’m not sure why he’d believe that or know what exactly it was even supposed to mean). But that was like, the one instance where I felt like Dean was actually pretty clear and open with Cas, and Cas turned around and stole the Colt and ran off to handle things his own way. Which - in some ways, that’s in character, historically Cas has sort of arrived at what he thinks is a good solution and tried to tackle it on his own without communicating a lot about it (miscommunication is the real villain of SPN), but at that point in time, I felt like they should have been past those types of shenanigans. If I were Dean, that would have been really hard to accept (though I know Dean’s attitude is why Cas thinks he has to try and do things on his own). But they never really addressed it, because Cas died and Dean was a wreck, and then Cas came back and it felt like there was no payout to any of Dean’s grieving. They made such a blatant, undeniable point of it, and then I didn’t feel like anything came of it, and if anything, there’s more distance than ever. So I don’t feel like I can predict how they’re going to respond to each other, because I don’t feel like it’s necessarily been consistent/in-character, lately. (That’s not meant to be critical of Cas, though. I think Dean and Cas are in a frustrating, endless cycle of unintentionally hurting one another, but overall I feel like Cas gets taken for granted a lot.) I’m left feeling like ‘I miss my OTP.’ Just my two cents, though! In any case - I’ll send that rant separate, since they’re different topics, but I just want to say thank you so much for all the discussion! Effi insights are the best and this very much helped me think about and try and articulate some thoughts about things/my dissatisfaction here. I know you’ve been busy with work and art (is this still the thing you teased? it sounds like a new thing? i want to know moree) and I’m so sorry if you’re feeling obligated to use time you don’t have for this, but it’s really interesting and I’m very grateful to you for indulging me, either way! I do ramble a lot so I hope it’s still fun for you >>

—

Yay at trying to human! :DD

And sorry for the late reply, I got into art mode and then into fic writer mode. I simply couldn’t make clever words happen at all.

(I’m glad you think my writing is organized, because it feels like rambling to me. Especially when I’m nervous it’s very hard to structure my thoughts and monitor my word choice. I feel I’m getting more and more out of practice when it gets to English even though I use it regularly online. And I’m insecure about it to a new degree since there are people in fandom who ridicule/ attack others for not having a perfect grasp of English. It’s sad. Also… people making fun of fic writers for very nitpicky things. I don’t know what has become of the fandom if this is the constant atmosphere. Or maybe it’s just me because I’ve been targeted. And look at that, I went off an incredible tangent again. Way to go! *lol*)

I think the time you put into writing me, something which brings me joy, is also valuable and I try my best to answer! :D

I’m going to put a read more link now, because this post is already getting very long!

I do wish we saw more of Sam’s ridiculous side too. Just him goofing around with the fidget spinner was so unexpected. Sam’s not all serious research mode, though it’s clearly the show’s focus to let us see Dean being geeky. Dean generally feels more fleshed out as a character, with many details about him that we don’t get from Sam. Maybe that is because we’ve been peeling away at Dean-the-hunter/brother and getting to see more of Dean as a person. And maybe Sam’s always been more straight forwards in recent time. So there’s not a lot of new things we learn about him anymore. Which is a shame. I would love to get something as small and exciting as Dean wearing novelty socks is (or Dean being ridiculously jumpy about small things when Sam or Cas aren’t watching).

That Sam tries to assert his independence by being reliable and serious and competent makes sense to me. Dean does try to accommodate that from time to time, though I think it’s interesting that Dean tends to give and revoke Sam’s right to make decisions and/ or call the shots. The show has made Sam’s “emancipation” a topic more than once. We saw it in S12 with the British Men of Letters, where Sam acted on his own (I wasn’t actually a fan of it because I was, for a big part, on Dean’s side when it got to working with the BMOL but that’s beside the point *lol*) and then again at the start of S14. But the issue is that the plot point of Sam growing into his own as a leader in his own right is usually stopped, dropped or torn down as a story line demands Dean to revoke Sam’s right to be an equal. We have moments where Dean’s all “this is a dictatorship” (S10) or just generally pushes Sam into things/ expects him to follow along with his plans. Like he gave Cas the option to fall in line or get out in S14, he does the same with Sam, just implicitly. I understand that those are always crisis moments, but it’s interesting that they fall back into a familiar pattern in those cases. With Dean calling the shots and Sam following along. Though at the end of S14 I’m pretty sure that Sam was just overwhelmed with the situation and glad that his brother took matters into his own hands until he could at least process what has happened to some degree… Maybe. (I actually haven’t rewatched S14. I should get to that but worrrrrrrrrrrrk.)

I got into SPN when S6 was airing, but I only caught up with it maybe around the middle of S7? So I was spared some amount of despaired Cas girl screaming *lol* As to the writing in general… I feel lately they have had strong (and in some cases very strong) first half of seasons but then I struggled to see coherence in the second half of the season. Things that were important got dropped and sometimes even become completely meaningless due to what happened later. I scream at my laptop at things which I feel didn’t happen all that much in let’s say S6 (and as I get from the gossip – I have no sources so I call it gossip – the late decision to make Cas the villain made it a fact that Cas had been lying all the time which had absolutely no foreshadowing in the first half of the season, so it was hard to swallow. But S6 is painful anyway, I just have to deal with the angst and trauma!)

I’m glad to know that others feel Jack bitterness as well. I hated the Nephilim plot in S12. I found the Lucifer storyline ridiculous and not palatable. And – for me – it destroyed what S11 did. What a waste of air time if they were going to do that with Lucifer. (Aw, I’m bitter, I’m sorry). But it’s how you say, in the end Jack was an adorable little bun and I was lulled into liking him despite my reservations. And then he messed up, but he was cute!! And then he messed up again… But wait, he’s still cute!!! And that repeated until it went downhill in S14… It’s a relief that you have the same experience with it, makes me feel less ridiculous about it *lol*

I totally agree that Sam hasn’t been the focus of the story for a while. He’s a spectator usually. He reacts to what Dean dishes out. Why devote so much time to the Nick plot (I mean, seriously, why. Who liked that?) when that could have been used to do something more profound with Sam and Jack’s relationship. Maybe it’s deliberate that Sam seemed to have stepped back, I don’t know. Because the moment Dean warmed up to Jack, it seemed to be mostly about Dean’s emotions. Dean got the meaningful, heart-warming (or breaking!) scenes with Jack. Not even Cas. Dean. Why? I mean I love it, I love Dean getting these scenes with Jack, but Dean became Jack’s father. Sam’s just… there. (I might be remembering it wrong, I really do need that rewatch). And don’t get me started on the Jack-Cas relationship. I can’t make sense of it.

I have actually never thought about the stealing of the Colt that way. I was mostly a “gosh darn it, Cas, again?!” moment for me, but now that you state it like that, it was pretty… not good. Dean did try very hard to talk to Cas and he tries and tries but doesn’t seem to find just the words that Cas needs to be convinced. Miscommunication really is the real villain of SPN. *lol*

It is hard to make predictions, especially because the things that have been developed and have been – in my reading – pretty on the nose, have had no pay off. It makes me doubt my own eyes. Did I really see Dean grieving like that? Did I just make that all up? Because nothing really happened as a pay off. I must have imagined it. Sam is probably lying awake at night, wondering if he had just dreamt it all. And then S14 presented a Dean Cas dynamic that had a conspicuous distance between them. But I’m not sure how to read that distance because I’m not sure if it was deliberately written or just a consequence of focusing on external things like the Nick plot. Or the inconsistency you mention. It’s just hard to work with it. I mean I can grasp where Cas is better than where Dean is or whey they are as an unit, because Cas has opened up his mouth and told us - or rather Dean, when he explained why he didn’t mention Jack killing the snake. He was finally feeling like they were a family and he didn’t want to lose it. I think he felt closer to Dean than ever before because they have Jack. But where he will be now, after Dean said what he said and did what he did and they lost Jack a second time… Well… I don’t know. But I also miss my OTP. Stop being at odds with each other and kiss already. :CCCCCC

Thank you for the discussion! I so rarely get to discuss SPN in detail anymore ;w;

(And the art I teased is a new thing, it’s for a Destiel fan zine. So it’ll be some time until I can reveal it. But I spent a lot of time on it and I hope people will like it!)

This has become a veeeery long answer, haha. I might not get to the other message today because it’s already 11 PM and I have to work tomorrow. ;w;