#i probably messed up many sponsor placements

[l0vagrend]

ofc he became my favorite im so predictableee

[katnissmellarkkk]

Okayyyy here comes the next chapter ! Number .... lemme look. Okay, number six! 🥳🥳🥳

And yes, my thoughts as usual will be a messy, very Everlark-biased and full of typos. Letsss gooooo 🥰🥰🥰

Is this the first time Katniss and Peeta have been to their floor or is this just the most opportune time to explain and introduce the Tribute Center living quarters?

Also why are they called tributes anyway? That word suddenly seems weird to me after nine years... 🤔🤔🤔

“I've ridden the elevator a couple of times in the Justice Building back in District 12. Once to receive the medal for my father's death and then yesterday to say my final goodbyes to my friends and family” .... 😶😶 so only good memories and connotations to elevators then, huh?

“The walls of this elevator are made of crystal so that you can watch the people on the ground floor shrink to ants as you shoot up into the air.” My mind is just imagining the elevator in Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone’s Spider-Man movies 🤗.

“It's exhilarating and I'm tempted to ask Effie Trinket if we can ride it again, but somehow that seems childish” this is so cute and innocent omg. Katniss, like I said in my last chapter blog, still has some childlike innocence left in her 🥺🥺🥺. I’m a sad.

Also excuse the unnecessary extra gif use but 🤭🤭🤭

Oh wow, so Haymitch hasn’t been around since they were on the train? No wonder neither Katniss nor Peeta fled they could trust him for basically the entirety of the first book. 😐😐😐

You know it’s bad when Effie being around feels like a blessing to Katniss. Girl has more restraint than me, I’d have ripped off this woman’s janky wig by now without remorse. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

Effie acts like they’re her purebred show dogs. I know I know how is this news, that’s a blatant fact. The movies really softened her up tho for the general audience. And I bleed the movies and books together more than I should 😔😔😔

Well at least she’s made herself useful, trying to get Everlark sponsors ... even if it’s ultimately to benefit herself above anyone else .... 😤

Effie calling Twelve barbaric while she’s preparing them for the slaughter isn’t even ironic it’s like literally just brainless. Johanna probably had the nickname floating around for a lot of people before she officially knighted Katniss with it 😭

“Everyone has their reservations, naturally. You being from the coal district.” Is this how they refer to Twelve? So basically if a district makes a better item, it’s a more worthy one in the Capitol’s eyes? So essentially, if District Eight made like diamonds or pearls or whatever then it would be more worthy? So are the districts assigned their numbers (one, two, three, four, etc) based on their order of importance to the Capitol’s lifestyle? I always thought it was based on their distance in relation to the Capitol? Okay so I didn’t really pay much attention to these facts previously when I read these books ok look away I’m an idiot

Omg 😭😭😭😭 Effie is such an idiot. But the coal turns to pearls thing is my favorite line from her only because it serves as the cutest inside joke when Peeta makes a callback to it in Catching Fire and Finnick is just like “why are these two teenagers so stupid who did I ally with? 🥵😳🥵😳🥵”

“I wonder if the people she's been plugging us to all day either know or care.” After reading Songbirds and Snakes, I’m sure they don’t have a clue, boo. 😑😑😑😑 although not everyone was an idiot back then ... maybe Snow is putting lead in the drinking water?

“But don't worry, I'll get him to the table at gunpoint if necessary.” I know she’s trying to help and I know we say this kind of thing today, but considering this is two kids she’s well aware will be heading into a death match this is just bad wording I know surprise surprise 🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬😬

“Although lacking in many departments, Effie Trinket has a certain determination I have to admire.” Katniss really does see the best in people. What’s sad, y’all, is I think Katniss unconsciously really tries to like people and that’s why she has her guard up so high. Because the softer you are, the easier people will step all over you. Terrible phrasing here, Samantha, I’m so sorry to any of my readers ... okay now that sounded arrogant, implying I have readers 🤭🤭🤭🤭🤣😅🤣😅🤣😅

“My quarters are larger than our entire house back home.” Omg? I mean, yes, I knew this already obviously no duh but like also. Just the fact that three people live in a space smaller than a bedroom and bathroom arena is saddy sad sad. Also do they have indoor plumbing in the Seam or is their backyards just full of—okay, I’ll see myself out. 😶🤭😅🙃

“The shower alone has a panel with more than a hundred options you can choose regulating water temperature, pressure, soaps, shampoos, scents, oils, and massaging sponges.” I’m just imagining a Spongebob scene ngl.

I’m sorry there’s so many gifs this time around it’s probably taking us out of the reading headspace I’ll never do it again 😩😩😩😩 I talk like I have a class of people listening to me 🤭🤭🤭

“Instead of struggling with the knots in my wet hair, I merely place my hand on a box that sends a current through my scalp, untangling, parting, and drying my hair almost instantly” I need this someone invent this NOW my brush is yanking out my hair 😔😩

“I program the closet for an outfit to my taste.” ‘Yes, Alexa, I’d like a hunting jacket, some boots and a green shirt. Yes, it can be brown.’

“You need only whisper a type of food from a gigantic menu into a mouthpiece and it appears, hot and steamy, before you in less than a minute.” I like this idea because it means that Peeta could order hot choccy to comfort Katniss after her nightmares in Catching Fire from the comfort of her their own bed. 🤗🤗🤗 also I want this for myself. The bad people are giving my greedy self ideas look away everyone 😬

“I walk around the room eating goose liver and puffy bread until there's a knock on the door.” 🤢🤢🤢🤢 Of everything you could have chosen, child, this is what you decided on? Someone help my girl and her rotten tastebuds now.

“Effie's calling me to dinner. Good. I'm starving.” Baby, you were just eating. She’s so nutritionally messed up. 😔😔😔

Katniss trying wine 🥳🥳🥳 she’s so funny, trying to find a way to improve the taste 😅. She’ll make a good taste tester for her baker husband one day.

Hahahaha Katniss not liking the feeling and judging Haymitch for always being tipsy. Also this is sad because she ends up addicted to morphling later one which is far worse than a little wine.

I’m glad to know Baked Alaska survived the apocalypse 😅🥳

Katniss just constantly trying to decipher the recipe of every meal and how to recreate it reads cute on a surface level but it’s actually so tragic because everything to this girl is based around food. Like even more than is typically noticed. They really should have given a hint at this in the first movie. Good thing she marries a man who can always keep her full.

I’m just forever side-eyeing you, Gare Bear.

That’s Gary Ross for the confused kids in the back.

Why does Katniss yelling mid-sentence, “oh! I know you!” add to her innocence? 🥺 it’s because she was overwhelmed by all the food and new luxuries she’d never even been able to imagine ... and also this is pre her first games so she’s still got some childhood left in her 😩😔

I wonder how Lavinia felt seeing Katniss volunteer and knowing she’d be her Avox? I wonder if she, like Cinna, somehow volunteered to be her Avox?

I mean ... talk about convenient placement that this specific girl was assigned to Katniss’ district—oh wait, y’all, I just caught myself. She’s from Twelve. She was assigned to Twelve’s tributes because she’s from there, duh. I’m such an airhead omg just call me Effie.

Don’t you actually dare.

“When I look back, the four adults are watching me like hawks.” Meanwhile, Peeta is just like 😬😬😬 eating his dinner.

Actually, ngl, this could be such a reach and it probably is but like maybe Peeta sensed a confrontation coming and, because of his implied upbringing, he naturally becomes silent or makes himself invisible when trouble starts looking like it’s gonna arise. 🥺🥺🥺 I don’t know why I say these things I’m just hurting my own feelings but ya know the drill. I thought it so I said it.

Why is Effie yelling at Katniss for saying she knows the Avox girl like omg overreaction much? And I know, the sky is blue 🙄🙄🙄 she’s prejudiced against basically everyone, I know, I know

Rip her wig off, Katty Deen 🤗🤗🤗

Oh I stupidly forgot that Avoxes are supposedly known by everyone to be traitors or criminals. So I suppose this isn’t Effie’s worst offense but I’m keeping a tally anyways

Katniss is blaming her stuttering on the wine but my girl just has social anxiety 😔😔😔

Peeta coming in with a save 😭😭😭 he’s already trying saving his girl 🤧

Alsoooo the unspoken friendship, the covering for the other and teaming up against the adults, is still riding high and going strong here 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 look away, y’all, the shipper comments are coming in strong

Also why is this the first real interaction with Peeta in this chapter yet? My baby needs more page-time 🤭🤭🤭

“Delly Cartwright is a pasty-faced, lumpy girl with yellowish hair who looks about as much like our server as a beetle does a butterfly.” Now why did Katniss just tear Delly to shreds for no reason at all 😭😭😭 this was a surprise assault on the poor girl 🙃🙃🙃🙃

“She may also be the friendliest person on the planet - she smiles constantly at everybody in school, even me.” Okay not to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... but to tie absolutely everything back to Peeta ... this description of poor, sweet Delly is actually indicative of Peeta’s character? Since Delly, we find out in Mockingjay, is Peeta’s childhood best friend, her personality being this sunny, kind, good-natured person tells us Peeta has always probably been somewhat like her and perhaps not as much like the other town kids Katniss implies to be stuck up or snooty. Maybe Katniss is just shady and deflects onto others 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️.

Also the fact that she gives this like ... mean description of Delly but saw Peeta as popular, even though surely Delly and Peeta spent time at school together, implies further that Katniss did indeed harbor a secret crush on Peeta even before the reaping. A very mild comparison of his on her though, of course 😅😅😅

“It must be the hair” “something about the eyes too” their piggybacking on the other’s comments really is just chiefs kiss 😘🤗🥰🤧 FYI I know the saying is chefs kiss but I made the typo once a long time ago and decided to add it forever to my brand 🤗🙃🥳

Also though this Everlark interaction is reminiscent of when two kids get caught by their teacher goofing off in class and covering for each other 🥰 only it’s a lot more deadly stakes

“A few of the other couples make a nice impression, but none of them can hold a candle to us.” She’s so modest 🤧🤧🤧 her narration here and during the Tribute Parade just has the vibes of ... well .... sorry in advance

Haymitch’s comment “Just the perfect touch of rebellion. Very nice” leads me to think he and Cinna and maybe Portia were always in cahoots about the rebellion even before Katniss and Peeta came along and well ... lit their match on fire 🥁🤗🤣🤭

Katniss is like “rebellion??? Rebellion where??? What’s that you old people speak of???” And yet, girlfriend goes out to the woods and hunts illegally every day of her life 🤣🤣🤣🤣.

“But when I remember the other couples, standing stiffly apart, never touching or acknowledging each other, as if their fellow tribute did not exist” too lazy too look it up but there’s a quote from Ballad about Lucy Gray and Jessup being distinguished by their visible friendship too that set them apart from the other tributes.

Either Suzanne thought of drawing a nice parallel showing what a failed Everlark attempt looks like, because I firmly stand by the fact that without their real feelings behind their act, even Katniss’ unconscious ones, they wouldn’t have pulled it off, or Suzzie just reused her own content. I prefer the former but I think it’s probably the latter 🤭🤭🤭

“Now go get some sleep while the grown-ups talk." I know Haymitch is being facetious here but this quote reminded me of the fact that the movies would have hit differently if they’d cast actual sixteen year olds in the roles.

“When we get to my door, he leans against the frame, not blocking my entrance exactly but insisting I pay attention to him.” This is such a flirty, high school boy pose, you cannot convince me otherwise 😭😭😭

Also I definitely feel like Peeta is getting more and more confident here because he’s oblivious to Katniss’ inner monologue as much as she is his actually we all are his sadly and he probably thinks she’s starting to like him 🤧🤧🤧

“So, Delly Cartwright. Imagine finding her lookalike here." 🤣 He honestly cracks me up idk why this line isn’t even special or that great. He’s just so ... subtly nosy / funny. Which brings me to that quote from Mockingjay where Katniss talks about his sense of humor because it’s one of the things she loves most about him 😭😭😭

But he’s like, “I can keep a secret, Katniss, tell me who that tongueless chick is to you 😬”

Katniss stop talking about debts, friends cover for the other all the time 🙄🙄 I know it’s in her character stop yelling at a fish for swimming that’s not a real phrase I know that too

Okay first of all, they’re about to share a secret 🥰🥰🥰🥰. My shipper goggles are on tight and obstructing my vision. I know this and am proud 😬🥳🤗

And secondly, “Maybe sharing a confidence will actually make him believe I see him as a friend.” Hey, butthead, you two are already friends. She doesn’t even recognize that the girl who constantly sits with her, talks to her, eats with her and trades with her is her friend either though, I’m shocked she calls Gale her friend

Does Peeta get to know Cinna too? I don’t think so but it’s mentioned now a couple times in this chapter alone that Peeta has interacted with Cinna. Katniss never interacts or has a conversation with Portia.... then again, is that even surprising? Katniss isn’t ... what you would call ... social. Hashtag relatable.

Awww, they’re communicating so effectively together 🥰😭🤧🥳

Also rooftops belong to Everlark only 😍😊😉 I mean, seriously, Katniss never goes up on a rooftop with anyone else. Besides Haymitch in the first movie but we ignore.

“Electricity in District 12 comes and goes, usually we only have it a few hours a day.” Earlier she said the Seam didn’t often have electricity, in particular, so either she’s not specifying her section of the district anymore or Suzanne is backtracking.

“But here there would be no shortage. Ever.” I’ve had two power outages recently so clearly the Capitol isn’t based on us currently today then 😐😐 I’m just joking ok

“I asked Cinna why they let us up here. Weren't they worried that some of the tributes might decide to jump right over the side?” .... boyfriend, where does your mind go sometimes? Peeta’s darker than we realize, y’all 🤭🤭🙃🙃

“He holds out his hand into seemingly empty space. There's a sharp zap and he jerks it back” between this and Catching Fire, Peeta is addicted to getting shocked by forcefields 🤧🤧🤧

“I wonder if we're supposed to be up here now, so late and alone.” If this was a romantic drama or comedy, that line would have meant something a lot more fun 😒😔😬😉😏

“On the other side of the dome, they've built a garden with flower beds and potted trees.” Is this meant to resemble Snow’s grandmother’s garden???? Like he had them put a garden there to like ... put a piece of his Grandma’am in the games? Idk this made zero sense it was a stupid thought

Two people in a garden at night, with wind chimes, sounds romantic in any other context. 🥺🥺

Ummm does everyone in the entire district know Katniss and her father used to hunt together?

Oh nevermind, Lavinia is not from District Twelve. My bad, guys. I should go up and edit my previous thoughts but that’s a lot of work. 😅😅😅

Katniss, stop being so hard on yourself. You and Gale were kids. 😣😣

Ummm, Katniss for a girl always complimenting Peeta’s storyteller, you’re pretty good at painting a picture yourself...

Peeta noticing she’s shivering 🥰🥺

He gives her ... his jacket 😭😭😭😭 such a romantic troupe Samantha, get over it there’s literally children dying

Oh wow, Lavinia was from the Capitol originally. Hmm, it is sus now that she got District Twelve this particular year.

But also 🤧🤧🤧 “he secures a button at my neck.”

His hands .... are .... often .... at her .... neck .... 😶😬 .... look away, y’all

Oh wow, Katniss is over here thinking, “who’d leave the Capitol if they were from here???” And Peeta’s like instantly, loudly, without hesitating, “well I would 🙋🏼‍♂️”

Hot take, y’all ready? Peeta was a bigger rebel than Katniss from the start. At least internally.

Awww, Peeta is so jealous 😭😭😭😭 and kind of nosy 🤭🤭🤭

Katniss : “me and Gale are not related” Peeta : “😬🙃😭😩😶”

“I'd set out to tell her I was sorry about dinner. [...] my apology runs much deeper. [...] I let the Capitol kill the boy and mutilate her without lifting a finger. Just like I was watching the Games.” I feel like this is actually a good comparison though, because of you grew up in a society where you have to watch kids die, your whole entire life you’ve watched it in a glorified television show, you would be really desensitized to it...

“You don't forget the face of the person who was your last hope.” Here she’s talking about Lavinia but it applies to Peeta too. Katniss was Lavinia’s last hope and she feels like she let her down but Peeta was her last hope once and he came through. And, as she said in chapter one, she’ll never forget him for it. And for other things too. Later on. 😏

Of course my last bullet point was focused on Everlark 🤣 is anyone surprised you shouldn’t be we all knew who this post was written by right? 😅

And once again, if too made through this marathon, congratulations 🥳🥳🥳🥳 maybe next chapter I’ll talk less not likely though so don’t count on it 😅

[beardycarrot]

Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn is an... interesting, game. As the name implies, it’s a reboot, and has nothing to do with the original game. In the original Shaq Fu, Shaq is in Tokyo, for some reason, and finds an old Chinese kung fu master, for some reason, and is transported to another world... for some reason. I mean, it’s a SNES fighting game starring an NBA star and sponsored by Pepsi, so there’s really no point in criticizing the story.

Anyway, Shaq Fu: A Legend Reborn takes a different approach. Rather than the Shaquille O’Neal we know, this game features a Shaq who washes up in China as a baby with a lotus flower birthmark on his neck, and is trained by a kung fu master because he’s the chosen one or something. Instead of a fighting game, this one is a brawler, with you doing the typical “walk the streets, beat guys up, pick up objects to use as improvised weapons” thing. It does still have product placement, though. What could be more fitting than...

...No, actually, I guess Shaq’s soda line was already dead and gone by the time this game was made. The product placement in this game is A LOT more stupid:

Yyyyep, you occasionally come across containers of Icy Hot, which fully restore your health. There’s also a joke about Gold Bond at one point, but they didn’t license its likeness for the game, so I’m not sure whether it’s actually product placement or just one of the game’s many smirk-but-no-laugh jokes.

Most of the humor just falls flat completely, and I don’t even get a lot of the jokes. Like, the second level features a whole lot of grape soda, and the boss is a character called Baby Face... who I *think* is supposed to be Justin Bieber (the bosses are all parodies of celebrities), but his method of attack is a gun that shoots chickens. What, uh... what’s the joke, here?

Anyway, the gameplay is... eh? You mash the Y button to attack, which after a few hits lets you press A to unleash a giant foot attack (the game constantly reminding you that Shaq wears a size 22 shoe). You have an AOE ground-punching move that you have to fill a meter to use, and there’s some kind of dash attack that you can use if you’ve collected enough blue balls... though I’m not sure if that attack actually does anything, as it’s only ever gotten me hurt. The game is pretty bad at conveying things, and doesn’t really give you invulnerability frames when using moves like that. There are also potions that transform you, though are only used in scripted segments in the game. Still, it’s a nice change of pace, and the only part I would describe as actually kinda fun. Well, aside from the end of the Shaqtus section in the fifth level, where untelegraphed mines are falling from the sky and getting hit by them twice in a row took out my entire health bar.

Unfortunately, the control overall feels pretty clunky, and you’re just fighting through waves and waves and ambush after ambush of bad guys, almost none of which pose any kind of threat... and even when they do, you just start over from the last checkpoint with full health, full meters, and no consequences other than losing any money you collected when you die. Not a huge loss, considering the money doesn’t count towards your end-of-level score, and there isn’t anything to spend it on. At first I was sure there would be a shop, or maybe a Luigi’s Mansion-style reward at the end of the game depending on how much you collected... but nope, when viewing the coins in the game’s encyclopedia thing, it’s revealed that they do literally nothing. This would probably be funny in some contexts... but this game has so many stupid pointless things already.

The game is pretty short, especially considering it got a physical release. I mean, it’s a budget release at twenty USD... but it absolutely should’ve been a five dollar digital download. I paid five dollars for it, knowing it would be bad and getting it just to point and laugh, and even I feel like I should’ve gotten a better deal on it. There are only six fairly short levels, with the last one being an invaded-by-demons reskin of the first (even shorter) tutorial level.

At some point, I think at the end of the fourth level, the plot point of Shaq’s real mother is introduced... by which I mean, he says “I wonder who my real mother is” out of nowhere, for no reason, before Miley Cyrus crashes her jetpack into the wall he’s sitting on. Yeah man I dunno the game is weird. As you might expect, at the end of the game it’s revealed that Yen-Lo-Wang, the evil demon overlord, is actually Shaq’s mother... and uh, is also Madonna. I mean, her name in the game is Destiny, but it’s supposed to be Madonna. Oh, and she’s also not his real mother because she adopted him... look, the game is dumb.

In the end, Shaq defeats his Momdonna and... I guess destroys an obelisk that can be used to summon demons from hell (he destroys one at the end of every stage, but it’s never explained what they are or why he’s doing it before this point), and then he and his mentor decide to go kill Kanye West. Roll credits.

There’s a lot of stuff in this game that falls into the category of "random pop culture reference”, and a lot of jokes that don’t connect at all. Like, Shaq says that he knew Diamond (a parody of Paris Hilton) was a demon because of the way her eyes glowed in a “low-budget film”, referring to the night vision in the Paris Hilton sex tape. At the end of the game, Shaq befriends a whale named Seymour Prophet, who I’m pretty sure is designed to look like Michael Moore.

The fifth level, Fiji, has you fighting against... militaristic nazi Scotsmen. Why? Brexit, apparently. The boss of that area is Benedict Fender, a Mel Gibson parody in his Braveheart costume, because... anti-semitic Scotsman, I guess. Now that I think about it, they must’ve decided to use Mel Gibson first, then went with a costume people would recognize him in, and then based the rest of the enemies in the area on that. Why they went with Fiji for the setting, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe they just wanted variety after two levels based on Los Angeles.

edit: I looked it up, and apparently Mel Gibson owns a fifteen million dollar private island in Fiji. So uh, guess that’s why. Like I said, this game’s references are a lot of deeps cuts that very few people will get.

There are a lot of other weird minor things. Halfway through the game, Shaq goes from pronouncing his master’s name as “Yee-Yee” to “Yay-Yay”. Aside from bosses, most of the male enemies are just normal location-appropriate guys (nazi Scotsmen in Fiji aside), but every single female enemy in the game is a brightly-colored demon with big horns... I’m guessing Shaq didn’t want to be depicted hitting women. At one point Shaq complains about the endless waves of enemies to the game’s programmer, who agrees to give him something fresh... but then it’s just another Shaqtus section, followed immediately by another wave of enemies identical to the one he’d been complaining about.

The weirdest inconsistency is regarding the Kanye West joke at the end. In that, despite his name being Matisse, it couldn’t be more clear that it’s meant to be Kanye... but then, when you start Barack Fu, they’ve completely changed him. Oh, did I not mention Barack Fu?

Yeah, it’s a short two-level epilogue in which you play as Barack Obama. In it, Matisse is now referring to as Con-Ye, and while he’s still recognizable as Kanye West, he doesn’t resemble the version from the ending at all. This little bonus game is... okay. It feels a bit less responsive than the normal game, since Barack still controls just like Shaq, but isn’t a huge lumbering guy so he comes across as a lot more sluggish. The game starts in France (so, naturally, the standard enemies are guys in black and white striped shirts wearing red berets and using baguettes as weapons), and ends on a space station in which every enemy is some kind of a Con-Ye clone. It’s a bit less of a mess than the normal game... but only because the cutscenes have a guy doing a pretty good Obama impression and delivering cool lines. It’s a shame they decided to end it on a Michelle Obama anal sex joke.

[dcbbw]

Timing--Part 2 (The Road to Ramsford--Riley)

This is Part 2 of my second fanfic and it’s my version of events once the gang travels to LA to find Tariq. In my version, he refuses to come forward and Riley makes a painful decision.  It was supposed to be a one-off, but the story just keeps growing. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please excuse any typos and/or grammatical errors. PS—my Liam is Asian Liam, and my Riley is tall, like me.

All characters belong to Pixelberry.

Song Inspiration: Sea as it Glides, Julie Byrne https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18JY5EF3YsM

Word Count: 2477

Tags: @speedyoperarascalparty @sirbeepsalot @lauradowning29 @liamxs-world

Liam X MC, Liam X Riley

 Riley fell into the backseat of the limo with an audible whoomph. She held the vase of roses in her lap. As she settled more comfortably into her seat, she thought to herself, Well, that could have gone better. Her head hurt from all the crying she had done and processing Liam’s complete emotional breakdown. It’s official…I am the worst person in the universe right now. She did not want to leave Liam, she wanted to stay with him. Not just at the Palace, but in Cordonia as well. But she had her pride and self-respect, both which she had compromised far too much.  She wanted to make things right between them, yet with neither having a solution, that would only lead to an argument given the tension between them now. Best to just give them both some space, at least overnight.

What the hell happened that she was in a foreign country, in love with a King and evil forces conspiring against them? It sounded like a clichéd novel. When did her life become a Harlequin romance book?  She was supposed to have served the bachelor party that night, collected her tips, and gone home. She still remembered her plans for after work that night….her best friends were coming over after bar crawling, and they were going to download dating apps to get Riley back out on the dating scene. They were bringing Chinese food and their best drunk girl tag lines. Instead, Liam offered her a one night escape from reality…for both of them. Next thing she knew, she was throwing caution to the wind and following total strangers to Europe to participate in an untelevised version of The Bachelor. For him. For her. To see if what they felt was real.

Social season had not been easy for Riley. She was a stranger in a strange land, a fish out of water. The ladies of the court never failed to remind her she was an outsider with no real chance. The bullying, the back-handed compliments. Some days it took all she had to not go complete HAM on some of the ladies, and show them how Brooklyn put in work.  She was literally chasing after and throwing herself at a man who had at least a dozen other women to choose from. Not something today’s modern woman would do. She was one of many, and did not have the history or connection with the Prince the others did.  

It did not help that her sponsor, The Brothers Beaumont, were broke. She was using her savings to sponsor herself. In a way, they were as unprepared for the social season as she was. Maxwell was forgetful as hell. She was not sure if he was oblivious, preoccupied, or kept assuming she knew the schedule of events via telepathy. Telling her about events, protocols, and expecting her to come up with runway couture an hour before an event….the lack of preparation kept her on edge, but she never showed it.

Riley had to purchase her own clothing, which meant a lot of recycled outfits at event after event. She had had to work crew on the yacht during the Regatta, and crew was a long stretch of the imagination. It was her, Drake, and Maxwell. She had to help Bertrand, Maxwell, and Drake clean the estate and prepare the food for the final celebratory ball of the social season. Between trying to keep up and courtly training, she had no chance to fully focus on the politics of Court as the others did.

Thank God she had her friends to both learn from and vent to. Maxwell had quickly become her big brother despite her frustration with him, Bertrand the stern uncle, and Hana….Hana was the best friend she never knew she needed. The woman knew everything about Court, and the social season’s associated events and did not mind sharing her knowledge. From waltzing to horseback riding, to piano playing to foreign languages…Riley had Hana to thank.  Drake…Drake was special. He had begrudgingly become her unofficial personal protector at Liam’s request, but the friendship he offered her was all his. American commoners were rare in Cordonia, and based upon that bond alone, Riley and Drake found themselves able to speak freely and share things Maxwell, Hana, and Liam would never understand.

If Liam kept her safe, Drake kept her sane. Drake was the one who was there when Liam kissed Olivia in Lythikos, calming her down and once again explaining how social season brought out the worst in the ladies, and how she had to thicken her skin in a more polite way no matter how much she may hate it. Smile and ignore was his strategy. Drake was the one who saved her from Tariq that night in Applewood. She thought back to that night: Tariq entering her room, claiming it was his. Insistent that Riley felt the same. Approaching her while she was basically naked. Her voice going from calm and rational to just screaming at Tariq to get off her. Drake bursting in, his face twisting with rage as he took in the scene. The fight. Drake seeing her basically naked. Helping Drake remove his shirt as she iced his bruises. The strange tension between her and Drake which they both chose to ignore.

Sometimes she wondered what it would be like to be with Drake. To have that handsome face with those dark brown eyes looking into hers. To feel those strong hands on her body, and to feel his muscular body over top of hers. Especially now that Liam was with Madeleine, and Tariq would not come forward. She was essentially a single woman, but she and Drake both knew she wasn’t. Riley was too deep in love with Liam, and to start anything with anyone, especially Liam’s best friend, would only be a huge disaster for them all. Besides, sex changed everything, so she and Drake contented themselves with a friendship where they could tell each other all the things they could not share with anyone else.  

The Engagement Tour…..if it weren’t for her circle of friends, she would never had made it through. The first few weeks with no contact from anyone save Bertrand and Maxwell had nearly driven her crazy. Hana…she was supposed to return home. Had she? Was she okay? And where the hell was Drake? All she wanted to do was drink whiskey and ridicule nobles. Instead, she was learning fork placement and quick steps to once again prove her worthiness to the Court. Fuck the Court. The Court put her in this mess. She did not even wonder why she did not hear from Liam…she was too angry and hurt to even let her thoughts wander to him. Then she was on the tour, and having to see them together every single day, enduring Madeleine’s triumphantly gloating looks. Her snide, derisive comments.  Listening to him say he would not want anyone else by his side. Watching her kiss him, feed him, and walk hand in hand with him. She had to go pick up Madeleine’s wedding ring, for fuck’s sake. And it would only get worse once Madeleine was made Queen. Her friends kept her sane, and wiped her tears through it all.

Leaving Liam would mean leaving her friends behind as well. Fresh pain wrenched her heart and she began crying again. They were so much more than friends….they were her family now. She had already left behind one life; could she re-invent herself again? She recalled Liam’s words: I will make you Duchess of Valtoria. You can rebuild your life here in Cordonia. Could that be an option? She could run the duchy with Hana and Drake’s help, with oversight from the Brothers Beaumont and Liam. She would be far enough away from the Court to avoid the press and gossip. Liam would split his time between the Palace and Valtoria. Everyone knew she and Liam were still an item, so his extended stays would not be questioned. And it would give her a chance to stay with her friends, and to be with the man she had grown to love. How did that happen, that she would fall so deeply in love that she would actually view being the other woman as a viable option. But she would be second to duty, honor, and country. Not Madeleine.

Thinking back, Riley tried to pinpoint when she actually fell in love with Liam.  For sure, she knew that night in Lythikos during the social season solidified her feelings, but more than likely it was probably the night they met. She had never been one for love at first sight, but the immediate attraction, the easy flow of conversation, and the sexual chemistry was a heady combo she had never felt with any man before, be it the first time or the fifteenth time meeting them. No one had made her feel this way before.  Happy, giddy, all the positive stuff people felt when in love….Liam brought out all of that and then some. She felt protected with him. Liam was her home and she wanted only to stay with him. But for his duty to Cordonia. But for his impending marriage to Madeleine. But. Fresh tears were falling and Riley angrily brushed them away. Damnit, Timing…you’re worse than Karma. Eventually, she felt her tears subside, and she lowered her face into the flowers, drinking in their scent, and trying to imagine a life without Liam.

When she reached House Beaumont, it was evident Maxwell had been watching for her, as he almost immediately flung open the front door and ran down the drive to meet her. He looked like an excited puppy as he called out to her.  

“Riley, you’re back”!

Riley laughed despite herself. ”Yes, I am”.

Maxwell pulled her close in a hug. “I know things did not go well with Liam”.

Once the hug was over, Riley sighed. “I just did not want to hurt him, but if I stay I am hurting myself”.

Maxwell nodded understandingly. “Fate is a funny thing, Little Blossom, but let’s keep the faith. You never know what tomorrow brings”. He turned to look at her and told her she looked lovely. Riley smacked his shoulder playfully.

“You always say that”!

Maxwell grinned. “It’s true”.

Stepping into the entrance hall, the first person Riley saw was Hana. Her friend enveloped her in a tight hug.

“Riley! I am so glad you’re here”.

“I’m glad you’re here too, Hana”. Hana gave her a huge smile.

Riley looked around. “Are you here alone”?

“Oh no! Drake, Savannah, and Olivia went to pick up pizzas and beer for dinner. Bertrand is in his study…he had a phone call about House Beaumont business”. Hana made air quotes while rolling her eyes. “Maxwell and I have been trying to put together a dance party playlist. You are free to add songs if you want”.

“Wait….Hana, what is going on”?

“Just a little dance party to cheer you up. We all know today was not easy for you or Liam”.

Maxwell lifted his head from his phone, where he was selecting songs for the party playlist. “It is all my idea, so yell at me if you want. “

Riley shook her head incredulously, while a small grin crossed her lips. “You guys”, she groaned as she felt tears prick her eyes yet again. “Guess I will go change…3 inch heels do not belong at an impromptu dance party”.

“I’ll go with you”, Hana offered. Hana followed Riley upstairs to her room and sat gracefully in the wing backed armchair.

“Riley, how are you feeling”? Hana’s voice was soft and solicitous.

Riley flopped back on her bed as she let out a half yell, half groan. “Oh Hana….I am so in love with him. No idea how I will ever be able to board a plane to America without him. How I will even pick up the pieces of my old life. And I feel like a horrible person….he just…just broke, Hana. I did that to him”. Riley felt what was left of her heart empty out as she remembered Liam’s rage and pain. His words echoed in her head: what about my happily ever after?

Hana came over to the bed and put her hand on top of Riley’s. “He’s hurting, just like you are. He just needs time to process this. None of us want to see you leave, but as much as this hurts you now, if he married Madeleine”….Hana’s voice trailed off.

“Exactly”, Riley agreed. “Although, he did offer to make me a Duchess. A part of me…a huge part is considering it. I am not particularly interested in the title, but it grants me entrance into Court, and buys us some time. “

Hana looked at Riley. “But unless something gives with Tariq, he will still marry Madeleine. We both know that will break the pieces of your heart. Could you really deal with them being a married couple?”

“He keeps saying he will not…. cannot go through with it. He keeps talking of abdicating.”

Hana looked startled. “Really?”

“Really.”

Hana‘s voice was low and heavy with thought. “Sounds like you both have a heavy decision to make. Maybe you could stay at least another week to properly talk this out. Weigh your options. “  Hana’s voice brightened. “But on to happier news! Liam called Bertrand. He is coming to the potluck tomorrow, and Bertrand invited him to the party tonight. He’s coming! And will be spending the night!  I heard Bertrand speak of readying a room for him”.

Riley smiled softly as she stared into space, processing what Hana told her. He was coming! And spending the night! They would have the next two days Madeleine and Court free, and that was something.

Snapping her mind away from her thoughts, Riley spoke. “Well, guess I need to get showered and changed”.

Hana stood to leave. “Okay, see you downstairs. And Riley, we will all do what we can to make tonight as fun as possible. For all of us. “

Riley smiled fondly at her friend. “See you guys soon!”

[havingonlydreams]

i am never going to use this tumblr for posts again

alright so since i finally got out of testing today and i learned how to scroll frame by frame through youtube videos, i am going to reward myself by doing an unnecessarily thorough breakdown of the quanzhigaoshou live action trailer imagery(watch cn fanbase beat me by a country mile)

nighttime cityscape/highway scene fades out

team happy walks into one side of an arena, wearing competition uniform (i will explain this later)

we switch to team excellent era, coming in through the opposite side of the same arena, also in competition uniform. their side of the arena is lit in red, not blue. are they playing at the same time? is this happy vs ee? :shrug:

also, why tf is a backpack part of all these uniforms? how much stuff do esport players need to carry anyway? did a backpack company sponsor the production??

panning shot of signs, looks like they’re for huang shaotian or blue rain

that’s cruel, br-fen. why does captain get no love :cry:

shot continues moving, now the signs are for han wenqing

based on lighting, i don’t think they’re the same shot

fade out to scene of arena packed with fans and players

if I’m getting these signs right, looks like it’s (right to left, moving with the camera):

team void, tiny herb, tyranny, blue rain, excellent era

so, all stars

honestly, the scale’s kinda small. thumbs down to location scouting – the weird lighting polyhedrons confirm that it’s the same arena as the one from the happy/ee shots in the beginning, so expect ~location weirdness/ambiguity~

unnecessarily synchronized card insertion

based on the card logo, i wanna say tiny herb?

ee responds in kind!

tyranny puts headphones on in unison. the headphones are white. also, i think this is their casual uniform. based on the giant maple leaf in the background, i would say that this is an away game with ee, but the worn metal and circle room in the background look more like tyranny’s supervillain clubhouse

now ee is playing. this shot looks like ee turf – they’ve got white-backed seats, and that weird angular lighting motif. also they’re wearing black and blue headphones because ~product placement~

i say turf, not arena, because there don’t appear to be any actual player booths in these two shots, the set design looks like what we’ve seen for the clubhouse pics (this is because the production couldn’t afford to film all of the games in actual arenas, isn’t it)

also, ee is wearing competition uniforms.

now tiny herb is playing on what looks like the same set, but with the background lit in red, not blue. maybe they’re playing against ee? also from this angle I can clearly see that they are *headsets*, not headphones, which means that vc is not banned by this version’s alliance. some dude in blue is hanging out in the background, probably an official of some sort. I am not sure whether this is their casual/competitive uniform

a guy in ee uniform sweeps his hands across a keyboard with unnecessarily colorful backlighting

~product placement~

ye xiu (yang yang) stands in front of ‘glory pro league’ hologram thing with his back turned, wearing the happy casual uniform

mouse shots! keyboard shots!

face shot! (of ye xiu, wearing casual uniform (puma!) and headset (white))

group shot of happy walking down arena hallway, wearing competition uniform. this is where I explain this bit. so as far as I can tell, every team has (2) uniforms: a casual uniform, which looks like a tracksuit and those enormous thick sweatpants had an ugly, ugly, baby, and a competition uniform, which looks dorky as hell. all of the female characters manage to elevate the terrible costuming by being beautiful, but are dragged down by the fact that apparently the alliance uniform for women mandates a miniskirt, because apparently no one has gotten cold legs in an arena, ever. (to be fair to the costume department, its not that they did a terrible job, its that their job was to replicate esport uniforms, which are a hot mess)

the main difference between happy’s casual and competitive uniform, btw, is that the casual one has a high collar and the puma branding, and the competitive has this funky sweater? not-collar thing

idk fashion words

also, ye xiu is wearing a mask because Reasons

(the reason is that judging by chen guo, this is from the challenger league arc, and the producer/director/writer/whoever decided to move around certain things)

boom! ee vs happy in the big arena, baby~~~

one dude from each team is standing under the spotlights, probably sx and yx by process of elimination

presumably!yx is NOT wearing a mask. maybe it gave him acne

pan across team happy getting ready to play in their booth? idk where this is

i see at least three types of headsets in this shot, and wei chen, who is not wearing his. maybe he got knocked out early?

now it’s the weird circle room that was in that early shot with tyranny! advertising on the ceiling lights, nice

I … have no idea what’s going on here. giant ee leaf on the sides, bunch of logos I can’t make out in the back, there are just *way* more people in here than any match would call for

like I think the dudes in the middle are wearing ee casual uniforms, but everyone else seems to be wearing black tracksuits? i don’t even know

ye xiu, geared up in full hobo gear (long coat&hoodie), storms out of the ee club set that was previewed in earlier set pics.

keyboard and mouse action!

ye xiu playing in the ‘storage room’ on a gaming laptop. also, he’s changed into a *different* hoodie

I have no clue what brand the laptop is; it’s the same as some of the monitors in a couple of earlier shots, might be Chinese?

yu wenzhou cameo

ye xiu hobowalking sadly in the snow (ngl, the hoodie make me laugh a little)

excellent era (w/su mucheng) walking into some stadium wearing casual uniforms. they are piss ugly

(the uniforms, that is. also ee minus mucheng, but who’s counting?)

happy coming from the opposite direction, also in casuals

and they pass each other! dramatically!

probably!yx taking a glory badge out of a box. can’t make out the details, but it says ‘1’ at the bottom, so these are probably the drama replacement for championship rings

tang rou focus shot! also, if that’s her line in the vo, I am *very* pleased

“turn all of the ‘can’t be done’s into ‘can do’”

yu wenzhou shot in casual uniform

ye xiu on The Motorcyle (pfft)

chen guo prepping for a celebration at Happy! she is Very Excited about that champagne tower. not sure who the two messing around with balloons in the bg are

tang rou in a cab looking upwards –

-to su mucheng, walking inside a stadium while wearing ee competition uniform

huang shaotian smiling at yu wenzhou while the rest of br preps. also, the blue rain competition uniform is an Abomination, which you will not appreciate until seen face on

ye xiu, whispering ominously ‘this is the last match’ as happy leans in around him

wei chen and… steamed bun? who is making a weird face, thumbs up

‘good luck’ whispers wang jiexi

and steamed bun *grabs* the challenger’s league cup, lifting it to wild cheers

chen guo and the crowd are ecstatic

partayyyyyyy

‘I will NOT give up’ says han wenqing, man who nobody, ever, has thought would give up

han wenqing and huang shaotian fistbump as tyranny and blue rain walk down a hallway, both dressed in their competition uniforms. zhang xinjie is confused. yu wenzhou is smilingly tolerant of the fact that hst is fistbumping right across his chest (huang shao is going to DIE, later)

okay so,

uniforms

tyranny’s looks fine! maybe the best competition uniform in the alliance (the bar is not high)

they’ve got a pretty normal chevron pattern across the front, some stripes. about the only problems are that the pants are a *little* too tight, and that some tyranny members are absolute maniacs who zip their jackets up all the way so it looks like they’re wearing the worlds weirdest collared shirt

blue rain …

so the closure is not that bad! pretty unconventional, an asymmetric zip with two fasteners across the top and some kinda … shawl collar? idk. I actually like it

but the pattern … i feel like someone said to the costume department, ‘you know, all of these uniforms have too many straight lines in their designs. we should add some curved lines. give the curves to blue rain! they’ve got no girls, so it’s the only way they’ll get any!’ and then they doubled down by adding raised piping for emphasis

that, and the way that uniform material looks like some kinda spandex-velour mix … it reminds me of the star trek:the next generation uniform! also, the casual uniform does the same curved line thing except in the opposite direction, and as a cutout, so its even worse

chen guo cheering in crowd

maybe a projection screen? tyranny and ee logos up on the wall

and happy logo SLAMS shut

ye xiu with his hoodie looking sad and pathetic in the snow up at happy

happy in competition uniforms coming downstairs (chen guo, so challenger’s league)

also damn, happy internet café is *swanky*

I mean, my eyes would hurt from the glare after a while, but it’d be pretty

EXCELLENT ERA

trophies. looks like seasons 1,2,3 going down to the left

sun xiang at the whiteboard lecturing ee. he is the only one not wearing the casual uniform. where is your piss ugly uniform, xiang xiang? this is a team endeavor, you’re not allowed to not wear it. it builds morale

BLUE RAIN

yu wenzou smiles

huang shaotian … fake guitars? with … something that’s been bundled up

TINY HERB

i guess this is why they redesigned the logo, so it would match the aesthetic and could be slammed shut like this, but i still don’t like it

honestly, tiny herb training room aesthetic is incredibly beautiful and soothing

but still way too much white, what the hell ppl, don’t you know about eyestrain?

‘today we’re training how to put our headsets on, synchonizedly’ sponsored by hp

also apparently that *was* the tiny herb competition uniform earlier, since this is the casual one. hmm. a bit too olive drab. tyranny’s still winning

signature wang jiexi EYES shot

TYRANNY

tyranny training room looks a lot less like a supervillain lair when brightly lit! go figure

now it looks like an overexposed supervillain lair *set*. progress!

captain han is ANGRY

hands clasp in front of happy members in the bg. tang rou is def not paying attention

is ye xiu wearing a mask AND a hat??? dude, chill

happy walking into crowd of fans&paps … somewhere. why is steamed bun kneeling next to the door? :it is a mystery:

group cheer! no ladies

group … orange juice! with su mucheng! damn, qiao yifan’s tall.

confetti in the stadium, and reporters charge forward

judging by teams and signs, this is all stars, so reaction to ye xiu’s dragon raising its head?

‘beautiful!’ ejaculated ye xiu

key and mouse action ~~

and the crowdteam happy goes wild!

team fist pump! someone has put their phone on their chair. I hope they don’t sit on it

ye xiu putting on headset in happy internet café. cant tell if this is hobo!hoodie or hoodie no.3

ye xiu :eyes:

key press. wtf program starts up with ‘s’

cgi is cgi

everything looks super gloomy and overcast ~ i hope they do more varied environments

and we see lord grim! they’ve gone for a really…tarnished metal? look for the MMU

like, I would not mistake it for an umbrella.

yang yang face

THE KINGS AVATAR

  Okay, so if you were looking for anything of actual substance in this, looks like they’re doing ch.1 - 1052 at least, probably 1-1060, so the end of the challenger league arc.

[hcrris]

can ….. i come in ????? have been watching unbreakable kimmy schmidt for 3 hours pretending time isnt passing , life isnt real and in fact.. i am dreaming (-: lajdfksl hey <3 im jay im 21 and i love those instagram profiles of hamsters in little clothes ( when they got little purses? ???? dont talk to me im cryin. ) below u will find info about jane harris aka literally the vine of the little kid scribbling hard like his life depended on it. shes a mess ?? but a semi enjoyable mess. a mess with good intentions. if u want to establish some connections, LIKE THIS and i will come annoy u <3 alternatively u can ease my social anxiety and msg me here or through my discord sencha tea#4035 (و ˃̵ᴗ˂̵)و♡

( lily collins, cis female, she/her. ) — jane harris has been a medina complex resident for three years, now. they’re twenty-three years old, and they tend to avoid making eye contact. sometimes when i walk by B06, i hear cherry-coloured funk by cocteau twins playing. lately, i’d say they’re pretty effervescent, but sometimes that’s overwhelmed by the fact that they’re neurotic. i mean, they usually pay their rent on time, though, and that’s most important fact here.

repeatedly fixing the apartment number on the door when it swings down to a nine, a split moment of shadow after the radiance of laughter, carl sagan’s pale blue dot, a life of frequent minor accidents, constant hunger for balance overshadowed by emotional turbulence.

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TW ALCOHOLISM EMOTIONAL ABUSE DEPRESSION & ANXIETY !!!!! ok moving on

her parents met in art school in paris.. her mom is french and studied art history while her dad was an exchange student from california with a skewed artist mentality. it was that saccharine, toxic sort of love. her mom always felt like she needed to be the guardian angel in the relationship who would always hold him up when he was feeling down and he was feeling down….. a lot. because she was putting all that energy to save her relationship, she was drowning too but never enough to walk away. there was a lot of love there but it was twisted and uncomfortable at times

when they found out jane was on the way, it felt like they needed to suddenly grow up. her mom was ready to make changes, adapt to the new lifestyle. her dad, on the other hand, urged they rethink if this is what they want but he didn’t push for abortion.. he understood it was jane’s mothers choice to make and reassured that he would be there for the both of them no. matter. what. 

but ??? the reality was he felt trapped by the idea of a child and he struggled to acknowledge and accept how quickly his life was flipping upside down and how he lost all control of it. he wanted to travel around europe ???? soak in nature, daydream and make art . but jane’s mom wanted to settle. instead of embarking on adventures after graduating, they decided to move to california. 

things just seemed to fall apart like domino from then on. janes mom was lead astray.. thinking that what california would bring them was stability but instead, it was all chaos. they rushed to get married .. turned out janes father wasnt on good terms with his parents. he was irresponsible financially, put both his parents in huge debt, was blinded by his ego to ever realise his mistakes. lied constantly .. convincing janes mom that there’s light going forward. that once he finds a sponsor for his art .... once he sells his first piece ... once they see in him what he always saw in himself , he was going to make it right. and he reassured he would make it right for jane.

janes mom was so pathetically in love that she pushed through .. living in a sort of imagined world, believing that things were better than they actually were. and her dad was good at persuading that narrative. he would come home with a pocketful of cash and the bills paid. oftentimes, it was all an act. his art wasn’t selling and a lot of what he bragged about was borrowed or stolen. behind the curtain, he was absent and unmotivated. he would come home in the evening claiming that the whisky breath was celebratory but in reality, he was complaining to the barman two blocks away about how his life feels monotone .. like a french black and white movie.  

the day of jane’s birth was a whole mess. her father decided to drive her mother to the hospital, knowing he had one too many. they were caught for speeding and while janes dad spent the night at a nearby station for driving under influence, her mom was at the back of a cop car, crying for one too many reasons .. jane decided to hang on for a little while longer and was born at 3am the following night. cradled in her mothers arms and her dads voice humming on the line

jane would only ever hear the romanticised version of this story from her mother. this ??? fucked up sense of security that no matter what, love conquers all. that love means supporting each other, loving each other extra when everything else falls apart. but truth is.. her mother was forced to give up her own dreams, lost all connections to her past, worked days and nights at a nursing home to support her family and pitch in to her husbands alcoholism while she’s at it. making excuses that jane was too young to contradict. all while the only source of happiness for her father was the haziness of his evenings, when he felt like floating and he could barely hold onto to his paintbrush. he was a stranger living in their basement .. more than he was ever a father 

growing up, jane watched her mother mask her depression. carry empty bottles out from the basement, trying to hide it from jane .. it brought her shame. she was doing the same thing to jane that he was doing to her for all these years .. consistently expressing a certain attitude, this unwavering satisfaction for the life they are living and so ... it hardens. you start to believe it. except unlike her mother, jane was observant.. she had other lives around her to compare to her own, voices of reason that pierced through the skewed perception her mother drilled into her skull. when jane grew into her skin, she felt so ... disgusted and angry. she tried to pull her mother out of her fantasy but nothing worked. 

through her high school years, she felt helpless .. her home life was a nightmare and she made every possible attempt to stay out of it for as long as possible. she took on jobs and extracurriculars .. stayed at her friends’ house until she couldn’t. and she would think.. think so hard, she would start crying. pushing her own problems away .. in her head, she would imagine herself in a different skin, a different place. it was the only way she could calm her breathing. only to have to battle the same thoughts the following morning

after graduating high school, jane went to community college for product management got a job offering after her placement at a big company and moved out shortly after ( and MOVED IN to medina... can i get a yee yee ) .. she got insurance for the first time in her life and eats too many of free pizza slices at work to save up on groceries every week <3

she doesn’t visit her parents bc she no longer feels like her mother is on her team. she’s lived a maddening and terribly draining life and living alone has brought her deserving peace.. although she’d rather keep contact with her mother to a minimum, its obvious that jane is her mothers anchor. if she feels as though her daughter is not fighting for her, she breaks down.. as much as jane wants to run away from her past, it always seems to catch up 

if ur still reading literally who are u lafjdkl. ill be done schoon ..... oof 

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if they are friends ... jane. will. talk. ur. ear. off. but probably not for the right reasons lol .. she has never been assessed by a professional, isn’t taking any treatment but she definitely needs it :( shes a chronic overthinker.. the voice in her head keeps chattering away most of the time which gets a little nauseating. she hates silence and feels like she needs to fill it with words. she often says the wrong things .. to the wrong people ... at the WRONG time and she is very aware of it. its the culprit for her self doubt and struggle to open up emotionally to the people shes close to. shes very critical towards herself, she micro analyses everything from the way she acts, the way she looks and what she says. shes also not a fan of confrontation !!!!!!!BUT!!!!!!!!!!!

 she is a FIREBALL when she stands up for others. i dont know how she hasnt gotten into a physical fight yet. she would literally rip ur side mirror off ur car if u didnt wait for an old lady to cross the street. is intense in every possible way. if shes angry, shes angry and impulsive and out of control, when she is in love, she feels it in her bones and simultaneously wants to rip her hair out, when she’s passionate about something, she is persistent until she isn’t and when she loses motivation, everything feels bleak .. theres never any emotional balance, even though she fights so hard for it every day 

likes sci fi movies .. literally when they are Floating in space ???? SIGN! JANE! THE! FUCK! UP! letterboxd is probably her favorite app. sometimes she will post a review, read it over and over, find something wrong with what she said and then delete it. shes very neurotic. she either has good days where she can comfortably be herself or bad days, when it feels like everyone is judging her every move when in reality. ... it is always .. all in her head. 

and she is mostly in her head. she creates fantasies of her life, relationships platonic and romantic and as a result, nothing ever seems to measure up. she feels secure in her fantasies but oftentimes when it hits her that they are just that, fantasies, she ... feels really alone. 

will trip over her own feet . has like 5 bruises from washing the dishes </3

she works as a part of a product design team in a big company.. probably has the knowledge to move up the tier but does not have the courage to stand up for herself . she doesnt believe in herself and is kind of a pessimist .......  

got high one night and decided she wants to start an uber ....... only for women. but doesnt think its a good ide a (its a good idea. id like to think in 10 years time ... bitch made it) 

really weird. likes eating broad beans and frozen strawberries .. will literally eat a lemon. 

she will have different interests every week but never seems to be any good at anything ???????????? makes her sad. 

claims tidying up with marie kondo changed her life LAKJDSKLDJ

*draws curtains* anybody else tired? 

[fulgadrome]

Muse Profile (For Mobile)

Name:

Aburame Fumio | 油女 文雄 | Typically Male, lit. Scholarly Child

Gender:

Cis Female

Orientation:

Bisexual

Date of Birth:

April 8

Height:

5.4 ft. (Genin), 5.8 ft. (Chuunin), 6.1 ft. (Jounin)

Zodiac:

Rooster

Ethnicity:

Japanese-Analogous

Chakra Type:

Primary Earth, Secondary Fire

Specializations:

Kikaichu no Jutsu, Advanced Insect Clones, Taijutsu

Residence:

Konohagakure no Sato

Occupation:

Shinobi, Amateur Photographer

BIOGRAPHY

"Yesterday, I had the rare opportunity to witness the cicadas emerge. They're a full year earlier than anticipated, so I thought to document the event... and while I readied my camera, one of the freshly-moulted adults was caught by a wasp. The struggle went on and on. It was all quite natural, but for some reason, I just can’t stop thinking about it…"

Ill-tempered and argumentative, Fumio’s default mood is a kind of contemplative irritation. While generally respectful to strangers, it doesn’t take much for a conversation with her to turn to from polite to formally-worded-but-quietly-furious. Not at all loud by nature, the best warning you’ll get that a squabble is about to escalate into a brawl is her expression: when she reaches critical yankī, you’re about to get punched. While her demeanor is just a stone’s throw from Aburame standard chill, she doesn’t quite have the inner calm to pull it off, and her stillness and quiet comes across as tense rather than tranquil.

Peel away the chitinous outer shell, and you’re left with a core of vulnerability. While Fumio’s poor social skills serve to isolate her, she stews in loneliness and often craves companionship. Agonizingly self-sabotaging, she scares away potential acquaintances, alienates family, and back talks her superiors. Understandably, this behavior hasn’t left her with many friends. Once you’ve braved the worst of her attitude and gotten to know her, however, her fumbling attempts to keep your friendship will land somewhere between pitiful and heartwarming. Expect gifts of home-cooked food, teary existentialist talks that last long into the night, and routine offers to rough up your enemies.

A surprisingly sensitive person, Fumio spends her down time practicing photography with her late mother’s camera, trying out new recipes, and tending to the hoard of potted plants she keeps inside her tiny apartment. As though trying to recapture the abundance of nature she lost when she moved out of the Aburame clan compound, she plasters the walls of her room with nature shots taken throughout the Land of Fire. In contrast to the haphazard décor, she fastidiously keeps the rest of her space tidy and organized, an inclination that also applies to her increasingly desperate attempts to tame her unruly hair. If she could smooth back the issues in her life with the same ease that she gels her hair into submission, she’d still have a mess on her hands, but at least there’d be the comforting illusion of control.

Fumio’s life has largely been defined by two factors: loss, and abuses of power from authority figures. Often, she’s found, the two are intertwined. Her adoptive brother Tatsuma and cousin Torune, two children from a noble clan who ought to have been untouchable, were stolen away by ROOT. Her team placement and assigned Jounin instructor were sabotaged by a bitter teacher who was recovering from the death of his Uchiha fiancé. Her first Chuunin exam was punctuated by a near-death experience in which a medic attempted to force Fumio overdose on anesthesia, in revenge for having killed the medic’s brother in a traumatic struggle during the course of the third exam. These experiences have made Fumio suspicious, prickly, and defensive, but underneath the aggressive exterior is someone still trying to repair the damage.

Trying, however, is not always adequate.

OTHERS

ABURAME HISAYO - Fumio’s late mother, an accomplished photographer who specialized in portraiture. Fumio wears a pair of her old glasses until they’re broken during her first Chuunin exam. Elegant but sickly, Hisayo draped her thin body in layers, and fluttered around the clan compound like a fabric ghost. After conceiving Fumio out of wedlock, her mental state began to gently deteriorate as she developed unhealthy fixations on both her ex-lover

"that awful man left us, he left us, babydoll"

and daughter.

"let mama brush your pretty hair, oh, hopeless child, what would you ever do without me?"

Fumio prefers to remember Hisayo as nurturing and kind. For the most part, that's even true.

YUTA - Assigned to the same Genin team as Fumio and fully expected to flunk out of the program, Yuta is only marginally more competent at physical feats than the average civilian. What he lacks in strength, size, courage, and ability, however, he makes up in being extremely ornery… and also by being the user of a vestigial bloodline limit. Brought over as an infant from Hidden Mist by his father during the Bloodline purges, Yuta has little to no sense of patriotic loyalty to Konoha, believing strongly that the village used up his father as an expendable asset, leading to his death. He may not be wrong.

MAEDA RYUTO - Unlike Fumio and Yuta, the village had high hopes for Ryuto. Lauded as a genius, sponsored by the Yamanaka, Ryuto spent his early years apprenticing under a little-known perfumer and ended up inventing a chakra-effused genjutsu perfume. Believing his skills would be largely wasted in the field, his instructors planned for his failure (and subsequent induction into R&D) by placing him on Team Loser. As fate would have it, however, they tragically succeeded, ruining his career. Ryuto was cool with that, though. Ryuto, the sole serene team member, is honestly cool with most things.

ABURAME SHIASE - Probably one of the oldest people in the village, Shiase is one of those rare few individuals who might be called sages. Eyeless, grumpy, and wise, she rarely leaves the clan compound, electing to send one of the various youngsters she raises as a hobby to do her dark bidding. Typical kids would probably find her creepy—to the Aburame, she’s just Obaa-sama. After the death of Hisayo, Fumio and a handful of other Aburame orphans (or kids whose parents were on long-term missions) were taken under her wing. There are three things Shiase won’t abide: whining, messy hands, and poor kikaichu control. Obey her, or perish.

ABURAME KAZUE - Born in secret to Oda Noriko outside of the clan’s knowledge, Kazue spent much of her childhood as Oda Kazue. When her father Aburame Asahi died in battle against the Kyuubi, her mother elected to not inform his clan of her pregnancy. Perhaps after Asahi's death, she wanted a normal life for Kazue, or she simply couldn’t stand the idea of Kazue being given kikaichu. Regardless, when the Aburame found out, they immediately made Kazue their ward. Safe in Shiase’s care, Kazue looked on her hived cousins not with revulsion, but a consuming jealousy—this resentment eventually poisoned her relationship with Fumio, who once considered Kazue an elder sister, to Kazue's great shame. She now apprentices with Aburame florists. 

[mihenna]

I Tried Henna Freckles

What's up guys it's your girl NT here and that stands for Natalya Taylor we are back for Monday's blog as you guys know I post a new blog every single Monday and occasionally on Fridays if I feel like it. Today we're on the floor because I may or may not be making a mess I have something very special for you guys today so I recently saw this blog posted by a blogger who goes by Naomi John she tried to make semi-permanent freckles on her face with henna and it was an absolute fail.

Now I'm convinced that she failed because she used the wrong color henna but I really like this idea see I already have freckles on my face but I just want to intensify my freckles sometimes I feel like henna is a really good way to intensify your freckles I feel so I'm going to give this a shot today's blog is sponsored by a company called Mihenna.

I reached out to them because I really wanted to do this blog post so why not get sponsored to do this blog I am going to open up this little kit that they sent me so basically they sent me a henna art kit and it doesn't just come with like the henna tubes it comes with like stencils and stuff which I'm really happy about so I'm not just gonna be doing the freckles I'm also going to try my best to create actual henna designs and we'll see if it's a win or a fail I know this is a sponsored blog but I always give my honest opinion so they sent me a cute little top Oh cute and also it comes with this ready to use henna paste some coconut oil for aftercare and the stencils so I'm not only going to be like I said doing some freckles on my face. 

I'm going to WoW my freckles are drying attempt to put some of these stencils on my body as well this makes henna super easy like they they're like stickers you put them on your body and it's like you don't need any sort of henna talent and all to do this so that makes me feel a little bit better so here are some of the stencils I really want to put one of these on my feet actually I don't what it is about feet henna I think it's so beautiful I look like an Indian goddess getting ready to get married but I'm probably not going to show my feet on camera just simply because there are a lot of pedophiles out there get it head a petty file penny felt like penny is terminology for foot okay so I am going to just jump right in and get started if you are interested and purchasing your own Mihenna head up kids check out the link in the post let's go okay.

So we are up close and personal I am just starting out by removing the makeup on my face where I want to place my freckles I'm thinking about putting them where I already have freckles you know what I mean you guys will see how red my natural skin tone is you're welcome for that I am set up here with my mirror I figured you guys are gonna want to see what I'm doing I'm gonna want to see what I'm doing I am popping a lash okay let's do this but you know why I really don't want to show my feet on camera it is honestly because I grow hairs on my toes I on my toe knuckles I sprout these little hairs it looks very manly and I don't think you guys want to see that just one of my many and Security's another one of them being how crooked my nose is it is so ridiculously crooked I can't stand it I have a deviated septum if any of you know what that is if you have a deviated septum then you feel my pain I can only breathe out of one nostril it's very obnoxious a lot of people say that I breathe loudly okay so that is mainly where I want to place my freckles just right here on the bridge of my nose. 

So I am going to get out my henna kit I'm going to just grab my little tube of henna paste and I'm just gonna start going at it and I have no idea what I'm doing I didn't watch any official henna freckle tutorials other than the fail ones so that's a good sign I really hope I just don't make a mess that's my biggest fear is that I'm going to make a mess do I need to cut the tip off of this just the tip oh okay so a little needle came out of the tip that was key. 

Now I'm just gonna start randomly placed freckles on my face and we'll see how this goes okay first one going in it might help for me to read the instructions that way I kind of know what I'm doing remove the needle tip from the cone and fill the stencil okay so I removed the needle tip and I just got henna on my chair great and so I'm squeezing it I'm squeezing it okay. 

So I'm gonna start placing henna freckles on my face I'm not gonna be too precise with it I'm just gonna put them everywhere there is our first one he is my firstborn I already love him I'm kind of spacing them out evenly I need to be more random with my placement so we're gonna put another one right there I'm gonna speed this up a little bit so you don't have to watch me put every single freckle on we're moving quick now I really got it down this is gonna sound super creepy and weird but I actually I really love the smell of this I realized something while I was doing this. 

This would be a really good hack for covering up a pimple if you have a pimple on your face just put henna on it and turn it into a beauty mark but this is the completed look pretty satisfied with the placement the arrangement of freckles on my face I tried to be random but still cute I don't know what's going on here this was a test I'm going to see what that looks like I feel like that would have been a little bit more cute I don't know I feel like you can't just isolate freckles to half of your face I had to put a few constellations down there on my chin but I'm gonna let this dry for about an hour I don't know how dark I want them to be.

I feel like you're supposed to let it dry for about two hours but I'm gonna pick a couple of them off around one hour to see how it looks and I may or may not leave them dry for a little bit longer but while these are drying I'm going to try my hand at some stencils and like real henna so here's some of the stencils let's see here there's like these really cute ones they've got like a shroom on there okay I see Yuma henna they've got like a third eye should I put a third eye on my forehead maybe another time when I don't have to leave my house to be in public and then they've got like a little birthday cake if it's your birthday I really like this one I think this one goes on your wrist or your foot I might save that one for my foot they've got plenty here no that's a foot one for sure I'm going to put that one on my foot later and then I want to do this one on my wrist so we're gonna see how this goes while my freckles are drying that is a very strange sentence so I mean it when I say I'm going to be very honest about this product I have not tried it out yet until right now this very day and I truly hope that it looks good because not only are they sponsoring this blog but I have to wear this for like two weeks so the stencil has been applied I feel like this was made for someone with a little bit bigger of a wrist than I but I'm gonna try it anyways we're gonna go ahead and go for it. 

So I'm going to go ahead and just start filling in my stencil they also give you these little paddles to like rub it around so it's a nice even coat I don't know why this may or may not be a correct prediction but I feel like I've already gotten a couple comments saying that this is not culturally appropriate but I feel like if you think something from another culture is beautiful and you want to emulate it then why would that be a problem like why anyone would want to be offended by that. 

That's like someone taking an American thing like maybe I'm wrong here but that would be like me saying you can't watch fireworks because that's an American tradition and if you're not American sorry no fireworks for you and who wouldn't want to watch firework. Fireworks are a great time they're beautiful to look at so I feel like if everyone took a little bit from every culture and implemented it into their own life we might understand everyone else a little bit more do you know what I'm saying so here is my stencil I'm going to let this dry for an hour and then I did not set a timer I am guessing that I've been sitting here for about 15 minutes I'm going to check on my freckles in a little bit and then I will be back oh my gosh I almost forgot I wanted to do some knuckle tats as well because why not no words needed I'll be back okay so we're back oh my gosh look at these absolutely positively cute little freckles. 

I have to say I don't know what I was expecting sometimes you just set yourself up for success or failure and in this specific scenario I felt like I was hoping for the best but honestly expecting the worst I feel like this turned out ten times better than I was ever expecting and in case you're wondering if you want to get this henna kit and do henna freckles the prime time drying time WoW is around 55 minutes so take note if you would like to try this out for yourself but look how cute oh my gosh.

I look like a little girl out in the Sun in the summertime but I'm gonna go ahead and remove my stencil and see how that looks okay I'm gonna try my best not to make a giant mess kind of inevitable though so here we go okay wow what a reveal look at that hold on let me just clean this up really quick oh my gosh this is actually so cute this is adorable oh gosh I feel like such an artist I feel so beautiful this is amazing I love how they give you stencils and it requires like no talent at all this is so cool the stencils are perfect for someone like me I really like that let's reveal the thug-life let's see what that looks like I told Mihenna that I wanted to do this blog and I was going to give them an honest review and I have to say this is really good henna I would ten out of ten recommend the site to get your very own Mihenna kit. I hope you've enjoyed this blog of me trying out the henna freckles. I love you guys so much and I hope you have a wonderful beautiful day peace.

[madefate-a]

what you take with you, each time. | ( nealan. )

↳ ❛ how far can you carry this ? ❜ prompts.  

At fifteen, he eyes the lance in her hand. There are boys smaller than her and boys bigger than her and honestly, each looks as foolish as the last atop horses they barely fit on holding weapons they can barely aim at the dummies. Neal likes to think that it’s not merely his bias against tilting that has him looking at the massive thing with such disdain. 

❛ How many passes will you make with that? You’ve carried it near all day. All off day. These are rare, Mindelan. ❜  

Maybe there’s a test in his words. Maybe as he leans on the bordering fence, dark green eyes hard and glittering, he’s waiting to see what the reaction will be. If he will finally strike behind the Isles - trained smoothness and find something more volatile than the tranquil surface he’s halfway convinced is as much Yamani as it is Kel. 

❛ The more I practice, the better I’ll be. ❜  

Today is not that day, but he’s not disappointed. 

❛ I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at being the only one with the good sense to take every opportunity to rest. Even though I am your sponsor, your guide, your older and wiser half. ❜ 

Kel says nothing, watches him carefully. He wonders if he imagines the way the corner of her lips flutter upwards. He tests a little further. 

❛ Back in my day, we respected our elders. ❜ 

There are many things she might say to that -- he couldn’t fault her if she brought up the way he locked horns with the Stump, or the fact that despite the gap between them they are in the same year. All she does say is, ❛ Yes. ❜ 

Cheeky thing. He very much likes that about her. Huffing a short bark of a sound, he waves a noncommittal hand at her. ❛ Well I’m going to find some lovely corner to read in. Please try not to let your arm fall off carrying that, Mindelan. ❜ 

❛ Yes, M’lord. ❜ 

Neal laughs. 

❛ You’re going to drop one. ❜ 

❛ Blasphemy. ❜ 

❛ You don’t need all those. ❜ 

❛ Blasphemy! ❜ 

❛ Are you sure they’re going to help? ❜ 

❛ Keladry, I have never been so wounded. Not even when Jesslaw nearly impaled me flinging that gods cursed lance around last year. ❜ 

❛ It’s just a lot of books to carry. ❜ 

❛ Knowledge is as limitless as it is unquantifiable. ❜ 

❛ We can weigh those books. ❜ 

❛ You know, they all think you’re so stoic. So well mannered. So steadfast. If they saw the lip you give me on a daily basis -- ❜  

❛ Hear. Not see. ❜ 

❛ --- Anyway. I’m not about to grapple with a mystical chamber and the future of my knighthood without reading the accounts. ❜ 

❛ No one speaks of what they see. ❜ 

❛ I’ll find something out. Now shush and carry some of these. ❜ 

( at ten, he helps his mother carry herbs in from his father’s garden. she tells him their names, one by one, and shows him the defining features of each. he looks at them so unflaggingly that he nearly walks right into the doorframe. Wilina guides him through, free hand on his shoulder. 

when he joins his father in the study, she waits until the combined calls from Jessa and Willis call her away. Baird shows Neal the book that has all his poultices and tinctures in it, explains how the Gift is wonderful and should be studied and practiced, of course, but one must also always carry the knowledge of how to bind wounds and mix plant essences into gashes -- how to stitch and heal with the Gifts the earth provides as well. ) 

At nineteen, he staggers under the weight of Lady Alanna’s things as he carries them out. How the horse manages to hold all of this in the saddlebags, he’ll never know. But then, horses are tricky, spiteful creatures. He wouldn’t doubt that the beast will tote the things to the end of the earth simply because someone remarked once that the load was too heavy. 

❛ Is that the last of it, Queenscove? ❜ 

He purposefully does not note how she looks upwards at him to ask the question. For any jokes at her ( and his, ultimately ) expense, he has always felt eclipsed by her, no matter how many hands difference in height they stand. 

❛ And then some, My Lady. ❜ 

There’s still a thrill of fear in his stomach when he sasses her, but he supposes, logically, that if her looks really could kill, he’d have been dead long, long ago. Long enough ago that he wouldn’t have even had the time to worry over the guilt of his placement as her squire. -- Thoughts that he will not, not, not dwell on. 

After eyeing him for a long moment, probably knowing full well the way he feels like he’s as good as under the sword’s sharp edge, she deftly slips one foot in the holster and mounts her ride. Neal follows suit a beat later, Magewhisper calm and gentle beneath him. 

❛ --- When we get to town, our first stop will be the infirmary there. You need more practice and they need the help. ❜ 

Neal cannot smooth his face into stoicism -- it has never been one of his strong suits. When she turns, she must see the way his eyes have lit up and his lips have parted. Something a little soft flickers across her expression, tempering it. Neal’s not familiar with it. She waits until he falls in line with her at a steady trot to speak again. 

❛ You know, I was told once to heal. As much as I could. At least one life for every that I took. I always carried that with me. -- For some reason, I doubt you need that advice. ❜ 

He feels his expression morph as well at that, also becoming something soft and confused and unfamiliar. Lady Alanna looks at him, and she smiles. ❛ You’re doing well, Queenscove. ❜ His throat burns, but she saves them both the embarrassment, ❛ But you’ve a long way to go before you’re halfway decent. ❜

❛ Yes, Lady Alanna. ❜ 

He’s twenty three when the Chamber spits him out and he collapses on his knees in the hall. Alanna is there, silent and serious and lacking all the sharpness he has known of her. Or maybe he’s just not afraid of it anymore. She throws a blanket around his shoulders and it awakenings a chill in him he hadn’t known he’d possessed -- raking at his bones, iron cold. She takes his weight, half carrying him out. 

But he cannot leave. Because there is something he needs to know -- a need that burns at his frozen flesh, palpable, tangible, frighteningly permanent. With whatever strength he has left, he pulls them to where Yuki stands. He is trembling, crown to sole, and has nothing left in him to mask the question in his eyes -- no way left to hide what is truly him. 

Yuki answers by silently passing him her shukusen. He places it in his belt, and for the rest of his life he keeps it close by. 

A hole in the heart, a lung that won’t inflate all the way, a bone set wrong, another bone set wrong, a broken one. A rib out of place. Scarring that impedes movement. 

The list is long and grows longer by the day, catalogued by his mind that won’t sleep. Twenty four and only half trained, surely there is someone more qualified. But here he is, leading Haven’s infirmary, noting every ailment that walks through his door. Those seeking refuge and those sent to fight for the Crown are indistinguishable. Sick. Dying. Given a shadow of a home or a sword. Given no chance. 

The little girl keens when she cannot find her doll, mourning something so large she cannot understand it. Neal summons his Gift, a little too much to spare, and lets her sleep, keeps her warm, makes someone, anyone go and find it, gods damn it. She will wake up with her doll, and she will carry it for as long as she needs to, and then longer. 

Dom drags him away, sometimes. Sits next to him and makes him eat. Feeds him himself when Neal’s arms are trembling too much and he can’t escape the fatigue and the list, the list long enough to wrap around his neck and strangle him twice over. He burns, he hates, he appreciates, he loves, he cannot go another step but he does. 

A bleed in the lung he missed, an arrow to the heart he could not mend, an infection, an oversight, not an oversight, Gil turning blue under his hands as he pulls his Gift back, knowing and hating that he must and will save it for Kel -- this is how they die and this list, too, he carries. 

❛ The Kraken, ❜ Fanche says one day as they sit side by side in the mess. ❛ That’s what they’re calling it. It never leaves you, once you see it. Changes you. You carry it ‘till the day you die. And maybe then some, who knows? Never met the Black God, can’t say if he’s a merciful sort or not. ❜ 

Dom carries the cat down. Neal carries Kel. 

Neal’s office would be a mess if he weren’t so particular about organizing. It’s nearly overflowing. It’d be too much in the comfort of the palace; here in New Hope it’s downright audacious to have so much. A lucky, waving cat. A little glass horse, delicately blown. Letters stacked and tied neatly -- Dom’s, his father’s, his mother’s, Jessa’s. Notes from Merric, things for cleaning blades, flowers pressed and dried. Handmade dolls with crowns of plants. Yamani coins. A shukusen. 

He carries in requisition forms, the specter of battle, the memories of dead and dying, the feeling of bloodied flesh and human - warmed steel on his hands. These stay with you forever, apparently. 

But they are not the only things he carries. 

[ashtchau-blog]

Notebook 2

Ashley Chau

ETHN 2

Mondays @ 3 pm

York 3050A

Olivia Quintanilla

Notebook 2

For my second notebook, I’ve decided try making my “object” more broad in order to make it more focused (I know, this sounds completely contradictory. Allow me to explain, though.) As I mentioned in my previous notebook, I’d also given thought to writing about my dad for this notebook, notebook 2. I then realized, why couldn’t I write about them both, about both of their experiences; detail-wise they were completely different, but generally speaking they both encompass the course theme of “War and the Figure of the Refugee”. In order to better focus on the theme of “War and the Figure of the Refugee”, the national bind of citizenship, and the interplay of race, class, religion, and sexuality in shaping both my parents’ experiences as immigrants/refugees in America, I would like to include my dad’s story in this on-going reflective project. Essentially I’d like to talk about “the Figure of the Refugee” and provide specific examples, namely my parents, to better illustrate my intent/ideas.

The transnational context that surround both my parents’ stories are essentially the same. They both fled their respective birth nations (My mom fled from Cambodia, my dad from Vietnam) during the Cambodian Genocide and Vietnam War, respectively. Their parents fled, hoping to build a better/safer life for their children. Like many refugee families, they had only heard of the haven that was the United States of America. Never in their wildest dreams would they have thought that they would be sponsored by American families and allowed to build anew their lives in a foreign land from which they’d only heard tales of how benevolent, friendly, and humanitarian its citizens were.

Before I begin to analyze my chosen theme, my object’s national bind, and its inherent intersectionality, I must remember to recount my dad’s story. My dad, the third oldest of six, grew up in Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The son of a pilot in the Southern Vietnamese Air Force (Anti-communists), he had it relatively easier than my mom. I’m not going to go into too much detail about his life prior to he and his family having to flee the South as it fell to the North (April 30th, 1975), but because my grandpa was a part of the Southern Vietnamese Air Force, my dad and his family were guaranteed an escape by cargo plane. He often recounts how in the middle of the night my grandma rushed to assemble her five (My youngest aunt was not yet born) children and pack one pair of clothes, not knowing what exactly was going to happen to them besides knowing that they had to escape or face the unimaginable (Being a military family, they most likely wouldn’t be let off so easily. Placement in a re-education camp was not likely.) Add on the fact that my grandpa would not be joining them, but would meet up with them in Guam. The cargo plane had no actual seats, being a cargo plane, with people packed in like sardines and made to stand for the entirety of the flight, from Vietnam to Guam (Approx. 5 hours). At one point in time, I’m not sure when/where, but my dad says he recalls devouring a package of rations meant for those in the U.S. military (crackers, mashed potatoes, etc.), and thinking it tasted so unbelievably good at the time. He says he probably thought so because 1. He was a young, famished child, 2. He had never had American food before and was in awe. He recalls how generous and kind the people of the U.S. were to offer their food and help in a time when his family needed it the most.

After spending three weeks in Guam, my dad and his family were flown to Fort Chaffee, Arkansas where a family sponsored their immigration to the U.S. It was from then on that my dad began the story of his U.S. citizenship. From learning English, to dealing with racism and bullying as an elementary schooler; having to pick strawberries in the fields and work odd jobs as a highschooler to graduating with a bachelor’s degree from Cal State Fullerton, my dad’s road to living the American dream became possible because the U.S. as a nation believed in humanity and the promise of those seeking a better, safer life within its borders. Like many who seek U.S. Citizenship today, my dad was not wealthy and could not offer much as a young refugee, except the promise of becoming a law-abiding, contributing, proud citizen that would one day “pay back” the kindness that this country has shown him. The beauty of the United States is its compassion and openness to people from different walks of life. Currently, a large portion of the U.S. populace is seeing an unprecedented and alarming shift in attitude towards foreigners/refugees/immigrants, no thanks to the current president’s astonishingly rash and dangerous ban on Muslims/individuals from certain majority-Muslim countries, even those that have valid greencards. Contrast this new “policy” to the treatment of refugees like my parents, not so long ago in U.S. history. What has changed? This question is not easily answered, but it’s important that we don’t regress and find ourselves in the modern equivalent of Nazi Germany.

Race, class, religion, and sexuality definitely shaped both my parents’ experiences as refugees/immigrants in the U.S. It is without a doubt that because my parents were Asian (generally seen as submissive and non-violent, easily directed/supervised), impoverished (they arrived in the U.S. with basically nothing except the clothes off their backs, at the mercy of their sponsor families), were determined to follow a religion that didn’t seemingly pose a threat to the American way of life (compare this to the current sentiment towards Muslims) or determined to be religiously moldable (my dad has mentioned that he remembers being made to go to church on Sundays with his sponsor family), and heterosexual (had they been homosexual, their acceptance into society would have been more difficult), their path to citizenship may be seen as less wrought with obstacles and hardships as some people’s paths today. I’d like to debunk that myth. My parents didn’t have it easy. They came here knowing no English whatsoever. They enduring daily bullying and racist comments from kids who’d never seen a “chink” before. They had their fair share of physical encounters with kids who messed with them or their siblings, which obviously meant that “[the bullies] messed with all of [my aunts/uncles]”. Working as highschoolers at donut shops, newspaper companies, and all other sorts of odd jobs just to help out their parents, it wasn’t easy.

A C5 cargo plane, similar to the one that my dad’s family stood in while escaping from Vietnam to Guam: 

Example of the type of military food my dad recalls tasted “so good” as a child/refugee:

Sources:

My dad

http://www.distancefromto.net/distance-from-guam-to-vietnam

http://www.encyclopediaofarkansas.net/encyclopedia/entry-detail.aspx?entryID=2263

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meal,_Combat,_Individual_ration

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/3Z3sU0rPDkg/maxresdefault