#i pretty much ruin the end of the anime for everyone under the tag so don't go peeking in if you want to be surprised still

[1tsjusty0u]

actually you know what. ganondorf. what can you tell me about him

hehwhwhahahahahahahhhhahahahahahhahHAHAHAHAAHAHQHAHAHAHAHAHA YESS…. YESS!!!!!

ok so. the thing is for the mmain fic? i dont know how he will. fit in. like i have timeloop related ideas which i. need to do eventually. but generally speaking i dont know how to give him a good ending or even how he’ll effect the plot. but also i dont want to ignore him because he is very vital to the plot. honestly i might do a flowey for this in that he interacts sparsely, more to the end of the game. thanks toby fox

BUT ANYWAYS to me ganon really isnt. a twist per say? like with link im making his death be different and the reader is going to have to find out what happened (or immediately Know based on the tags and such and instead of finding out their horror??? only grows i hope because they basically have to watch a guy who they know something bad will happen to. like siffrin in stars and time when you’ve played sasasa). but for ganon his deal is basically almost canon except im highlighting how fucked up it is i guess. we already know hes under the castle, but the devs never expand his motives. so im trying to do that

so. spoilers?? i guess??? also its pure stream of consciousness be warned

ok so firstly totks whole Pre Hyrule thing doesnt exist here. im not doing that. the zonai are non-gods who literally just sailed into the country and happen to know magic. they also dont make the same type of ruins associated with the zonai in totk. their ruins match up much more with the ruins in faron and the animal-esque designs. also theyre extremely vague and none of them become the king. i can draw you some zonais if youd like but the whole zonai thing in totk makes zero sense especially with botw and theres actual contradictory information in this essay i w

because of this rauru and sonia Might exist, but they will be Extremely Different. im not making rauru a zonai if he does exist too, though mineru still might be one just. heavily redesigned. so theres no power struggle to lead to ganondorfs imprisonment- something else is the cause of that.

as to what? i have no idea yet </3. itd probably be similar to the exile of the shekiah when the helped with the calamity, ganon being seen as a threat and something to be exterminated. ganon may not have helped or interacted with the monarchy, but it didnt change what the king and queen viewed of him. though i dont think any prior games or legends “influenced” this- as in they didnt follow any prophecy or something, but they basically ingrained the roles of the past into being completely static if that makes sense. zelda is always the pretty princess with wisdom and powers of the goddess (and hylian), link is always the hero always with the master sword and courage (also always hylian), and ganon? always the oppressor. always the king of evil, king of the gerudo. always a threat. in the same ways these roles hurt zelda and link pre cal, these roles ESPECIALLY hurt ganon, just this time more directly. its almost like how certain laws target marginalized groups and by proxy accidentally hurt literally everyone else. but he was just a “threat to hylia” in some way or form, either due to something or just by existing. or both. but an incident probably lead to his imprisonment. all things considered i should. really work on this..? though thats complicated because if the shekiah just noticed the pattern of the calamity then people would have to deal with two separate events rather than just one, which could work but the “inciting incident” of the 10000 year calamity being beaten is almost null and passed on to another. at that point i might as well do what ive seen other fanfics do before totk came out and wrote about the zonai- grouping them together in the same time period and make the sealing of ganon himself as the person the 10000 year sealing of the calamity. however that wouldnt make sense with the tapestry…unless the tapestry isnt accurate to what happened which Is possible but still why go through all the effort to lie about becoming his calamity form? showing him as not human would fit with how they view him but still they couldve made him look like a monster- like a lynel or his pig forms, not a boar like cloud. so. i almost want to ignore his backstory entirely and only focus on him being well. trapped. i just dont know if this is the right move to make, as much as being trapped under the castle Is a backstory its not really a fleshed out one or one that shows his past connections or who he was as a person. though that does kind of fit with what he is now. uhm so yeah i have no idea im sorry

but to his. not-really-a-backstory backstory. like in totk, hes under the castle. everybody has forgotten this, the rulers being warned about.. Something under the castle, and to not speak of it like zelda says in the intro to totk. theres a locked gate, maybe with some stolen shekiah tech (used by the king/someone when the shekiah were exiled and hunted, getting scrap parts before they were buried) to secure it. or maybe they just like about it being protected by the goddess so no one can open it and because its such an easy lie to check everybody believes it. though i genuinely think its locked extremely well, either with past magic, the triforce when a past zelda or queen had it and sealing ganon was sealing the gate as well, sheikah tech, or something else. i say that because at some point youd think the yiga would literally just walk in if it was a lie. the shekiah tech is a bit dicey because the yiga probably know way more about it than the shekiah (except for purah and robbie), however. i was going to argue they might not actually know that much about the tech which while it would depend on yiga to yiga i feel on some level they could absolutely break into it. (i used to think it was a parallel to botws general amnesia, forgetting their goal of originally helping hyrule, but after reading gboh the possibility of them changing it over time actively is probably a lot better, especially with it adding agency and also them being Rightfully Angry at the monarchy and eliminating those who stand as its biggest supporters? or pawns. and rereading the wiki page for them i cant remember how i thought they “forgot” their goal. ok sorry!! honestly i like to think some sheikah and yiga before being truly separate still made tech in secret, either to prevent something in the future or to help themselves (the sheikah being ok in the rain because of the tech in their outfits.) kind of like a third group that eventually faded out due to amnesia or became a yiga and Remembered. ok anyways) but yeah. on one hand Itd Fit and be such a slap in the face to the sheikah in general, but also the yiga should and probably would know how to break it down. that is if they even know the door exists, and the only reason they dont break into it is because they dont know It Exists because it wasnt built by them and ganon isnt able to communicate with them, or at least communicate with them well. in that scenario they could and Would be able to break down those protections which would actually make sense.

ALRIGHT. under the castle isnt the same as totks under the castle, and while it might…??? be the same one in the Trailer, that would require the zonai which, while they have their own mysterious plotline here (they magiced so hard they ended up in the sky), and theyre absolutely Important, i dont know how important they were in ganons sealing specifically. i like the zonai having some secret involvement of it and i also like having more zonai ruins, but i dont think the royal family would tolerate them At All because theyd also be a threat like the sheikah. they built literal labyrinths and actually know about the triforce more explicitly (the sheikah also seem to, or the ancient sheikah). them casting themselves off into the sky makes sense because who else could do that, But Yeah. theyd have their own documented versions of what they did, and i like to think they were fairly involved in hyrule as a whole. anyways sorry i just need to come up with how he was sealed and how it makes sense. god i used to have hopes and dreams about totk. we couldve gotten a new major god. and yet,

OK ONTO THE ACTUAL. PERSON IN THIS. GANON IM SO SORRY. yeah lets just say hes only Mildly Pissed about being under the castle for 10000 years (<- any words i could use now can not describe the sheer anger and hatred he has. like. its like genuinely wanting to kill someone if that makes sense. besides that being half the literal case, its . ok so you know how in totk the hands let out a shrill scream when they spot you, rushing over to kill you and choke you without thinking? its like that. wanting to make others feel the pain he felt for years and years, with an added touch of genuine hate and wanting to Hurt Someone or see them get hurt). hes being forgotten by everyone- his people the hylians, the shekiah, either people who he used to love or people who actively helped and encouraged his imprisonment, it doesnt matter when they all forget and dont even seem to care. its like he never mattered in the first place, what happened to him just something inconsequential and might as well not exist at all. He might as well not exist at all. but hes awake, rotting and tearing apart down at the bottom of that chamber always awake and always there. he cant move on yet, he needs to get out he needs to get out he has to get out

so!! his main focus is escape!! anyone who dies either had to or isnt something he thinks about. something something a means to an end, if people die so be it. plus if hes going down hea bringing hyrule with him, clawing onto it. he isnt mindless, guardians trying to ravish important locations like the temple of time and the akkala citadel, tactical locations. the malice is more of a by product of the original 100 year calamity, but it serves to help ganon keep and Eye out haha but also block and cover things. i like to think theres malice in guardians and thats why the master sword reacts to them. anyways, in botw he has a butterfly esque cacoon, and a spider like body made of sheikah tech. he was probably building a New Body as his means of escaping. why he made it like that? no idea. he definitely wouldnt live a quiet life once he was out and i think its an accidental by product of wanting to kill people/punish them in a sense. maybe he was going to have two bodies, like mettaton EX where the box body would be in this sense ganondorfs “normal” form where his spider form would be his Kill form.

if he wanted to be king of hyrule, this would probably be why. i dont really think he would, but if he did he’d do it both to punish those who wronged him while making sure what happened to him wont happen again, making sure the hylian royal family is never in a seat of power again. but right now he wants people to pay.

this also ties into him being “a calamity”; as hes trapped under the earth, i think he’d have an effect over it as well. trying to claw his way out from under the earth, parting the dirt in which it looks as if its breathing, sand piling over making sounds described as screams (though in real life its described as singing). in a way hes a part of it, but not by choice. hes the very thing you stand on and yet hes dismissed.

but anyways. hes very mad. link would describe him as “actively wanting me dead” in the timeloop au. his blights are described as screaming in the fic and i like to think thats ganon screaming in rage, pain or both. hes also not green here i should mention that. his form down in the dungeon i like to think has ghouls protruding from it like theyre melting into one and other and are reaching out with their hands, grabbing at whatever they can. hes pretty chill but smug post imprisonment, mostly a quiet cocky. less one for dramatics and rather plays it straight. likes pink and also is a fan of the desert right under spectacle rock. in the timeloop au hes also in the timeloop with link which causes problems. speaking of theyre pretty alike, and wreath would be like him in the timeloop au if he didnt already exist like percy jackson and luke. they could be friends in theory, but their circumstances drove them apart (hey like the wind waker post). hes a big fan of water buffalos, bulls, goats, cats and dogs, and sand sparrows. sand sparrows are his favorite animal in general and almost made it a symbol of the gerudo. id like to associate him with moths thanks to queen gibdo (shes not in this au she doesnt exist here). might actually like spiders as well as other insects. kotake and koume exist here :] . i think some of the gerudo havent forgotten, and thats why the hylia statue is way less in use, though it still being there is an act from the gerudo from the present ish. he likes soft and airy clothes. a lot more regal in the presence of leaders of their respective races- like the king or queen of the zora, the king and queen of the hylians, etc. likes hearty soup but also straight voltfruit juice. doesnt like hydromelons. he and zelda would hate each other, zelda Especially and their anger at each other almost cancels each other out. zelda is Very mad at him. chronic pajama wearer, gets a gerudo clothes person to make regal clothes with the same fabric from pajama clothes. sometimes he sleeps in them but other times he doesnt. big fan of the concept of magic, and likes chuchu jelly a lot. hes more prominent in the timeloop au honestly and im sorry for that. id like to give him an actual arc but well. i dont know how i would do that…….. also i want him to have a happy ending for once but i dont know if thatd work with this story. especially because of him killing the champions. him being an omen would be fitting, but still. him being punished narratively for no reason is stupid if that makes sense. his reason for doing what he did wasnt bad, but what he did by proxy was. i dunno death doesnt feel right for him, at least yet. he was happy though, once

ok sorry if this trailed off its. 5:40 am . i need to eat and sleep

[princessmo]

why, buzzdriessen, of course, for the otp questions. All of them

THANK YOUUU SO MUCH SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG

um i'm gonna end up putting most of this under a readmore bc i typed up 5 pages worth of response in google docs

What is each member’s love language? 

ngl i’m not a huge love languages guy but van d’s is verbal expressions of love with a dash of physical touch (“i love you i love you i love you” while being all clingy) and buzzcut’s is just. being soft with van driessen while being hostile or at best apathetic toward everyone else. his love language is love

What would they describe as their perfect date?

bradley’s is doing one-armed pushups for an hour while dave sits on his back reading a magazine and fawning over how strong he is. david’s is them going camping, doing edibles and stargazing 

Who made the first move?

buzzcut! van driessen waited sooooo long...he didn’t want to ruin their work relationship and he’s the most patient guy in the world so he just suffered in silence until buzzcut finally asked him out. i like thinking that they both had feelings for each other but were oblivious to the other’s feelings and the students had a bet as to when something would Finally happen

Who is more sentimental?

daviddddd. but bradley’s more sentimental than he lets on

Which member calls the other in to kill the spiders?

generally dave will take the spiders outside if he’s alone, he’s not really bothered by them, but if they’re in the same room together brad will take them out. the exception is shit with too many legs like centipedes, dave will fucking shriek until brad kills them

Who falls asleep first?

most of the time, van d. buzzcut’s always like “dave, if you fall asleep on the couch i’m NOT carrying you to bed this time”...and then he does anyway cuz he’s a big softie >:)

Who wakes up first?

most of the time, buzzcut. military habits die hard. occasionally van d will wake up earlier and make breakfast in bed for them :) 

Who is more relaxed/carefree?

i mean...van driessen, obvs. buzzcut is ready to kill anyone who looks at either of them the wrong way

What’s one way their personalities complement one another? (Is it opposites attract or are they pretty similar?) 

well. not to state the obvious but they’re incredibly opposites attract

Who is always cold?

omg i hc that david’s always warm, he’s like a little radiator, and bradley’s always cold

Which member is always trying to bring home stray animals and which member always has to say no?

van d is ALWAYS bringing home stray critters and nursing them back to health. buzzcut thinks it’s cute to an extent; at some point he’s like “puddin’ i love you but if you keep this up you WILL get rabies”

Who worries more?

they both do in their own ways, but i think bradley worries just a little bit more since dave’s been through SO much on the show. dave’s more vocal about it, though, he’s like “do you have your coat? scarf? gloves? wallet? keys? is your phone charged?”. brad’s more like “i don’t think [XYZ] is a good idea” and if he’s really worried he insists on tagging along with dave

What are some non-sexual activities they do together? 

they spend a LOT of time cuddling on the couch watching pbs. they also like camping, david for all the cool nature stuff and bradley cuz he gets to go fishing. he’s a fishing guy. they also like. idk what the adult phrase is but parallel play. david reads while bradley whittles, imo he’d be into woodcarving. they just enjoy the silence and each other’s company

Who would be able to talk their way out of a speeding ticket? 

buzzcut wouldn’t even have to talk; he’d just make eye contact with the cop and they’d let him go. van driessen doesn’t really speed but he’s so genuinely apologetic about jeopardizing other drivers they also just let him go

Who is the better cook?

bradley. david is competent but bradley is better and he likes it more, so he does the majority of the cooking

What are some things they don’t agree on?

BEAVIS AND BUTTHEAD. buzzcut kind of admires van driessen’s patience for them but he also dislikes his lenience and thinks it enables them; and after they start dating he reeeeally hates how they walk all over the one person who gives a shit about them and how dave just lets himself be treated that way. david, of course, thinks he’s being way too hard on them, they’re neglected 15 year olds who shower once a month and live on nachos

Which member is more physically affectionate?

they’re both pretty physically affectionate, bradley’s always got an arm wrapped around david and david’s always holding onto him. when they lie on the couch together dave’s usually leaning on brad’s chest or resting his head in brad’s lap

Which member is more verbally affectionate?

lmao i gave it away earlier but van d. constant “i love you”s; but buzzcut has so, so many sappy pet names for van driessen...puddin’ is my favorite cause it’s so cheesy and honestly kinda ooc but others include prettyboy, little pansy (both originally used derogatorily but now they’re terms of endearment), babygirl, little dove...i have more but i’m getting embarrassed just saying these ones

How does each member feel about PDA?

van driessen likes light PDA, holding hands, a little kiss on the cheek, etc. buzzcut pretends to dislike PDA and he rarely initiates it but will definitely escalate it. if van d gives him a kiss buzzcut is ready to full-on make out in the middle of chili’s or wherever the hell they are

Who’s the safer driver? 

dave...but he also dislikes driving. brad has the worst road rage ever but dave’s willing to put up with it if it means he can stare out the window

What’s each member's flirting style?

after their initial mutual-oblivious-pining they’re both pretty direct. dave drops a lot of compliments while brad keeps trying to do favors for him

Which member borrows (steals) the other one's clothing?

van driessen borrows buzzcut’s clothes; i don’t think buzzcut could fit in any of van d’s. one time after van d spends the night at buzzcut’s, brad walks into the kitchen to find dave making breakfast while wearing one of his gym shirts and he stops for a moment because it’s the cutest damn sight he’s ever seen 

Who is the cuddle initiator?

they’re 50/50, buzzcut loooves doing that “yawn-turned-arm-around-shoulder” thing and van driessen loves cuddling up with him

Are they an introverted couple or an extroverted one—AKA would they prefer to go out to a party or event together or would they rather stay in?

they’re both pretty introverted, they attend some things out of obligation but they’ll stand in the corner and quietly bitch the whole time

Who is the big/little spoon?

vast majority of the time buzzcut is big spoon and van driessen is little spoon but they occasionally switch

Who is more likely to make an impulsive decision and who is the voice of reason?

they both make different kinds of impulsive decisions. buzzcut has to stop van d from playing in the rain cause he’s gonna catch pneumonia and van d has to stop buzzcut from fighting people all the time

Who’s more likely to laugh at their own jokes?

dave. brad laughs at how cute he thinks this is

Who takes longer showers?

also dave. like i said, buzzcut’s military habits die hard. dave convinces him to shower together after giving some bullshit speech about conserving water and the environment and all that. brad immediately sees through it and is like “you know...you can just ask”

Who is “more loved” by the in-laws?

all of their parents suck so they’re not really involved but in my liddle backstories i made for them, bradley has 2 older sisters who LOVE david, they’re so excited to have a new baby brother who does all the “girly” stuff bradley wouldn’t let them do with him as kids (they’re in their 50s now but that doesn’t stop them). they braid his hair and do his nails and stuff and brad’s like “dave you don’t have to put up with this if you don’t want it” and dave’s like “no bradley i like it :)”

if tom (david’s deceased older brother) was still alive i think he and brad would get along; imo they’re both into more “masculine” hobbies than dave is so they’d often talk about those. ofc tom dying in the gulf war and brad being fucked from his time in the military definitely (and rightfully/correctly) contributes to van driessen’s sheer loathing of the military

Who is more likely to get jealous?

yknow last time i thought abt this i said buzzcut but i’m changing my mind. i loooove jealous girlfriend van d. if any of the moms try flirting with brad during curriculum night dave starts getting all clingy

What was the most surprising thing they learned about one another once they started dating?

brad is surprised to learn that dave swears quite a bit and also eats meat (but only from one of his hippie friend’s farms). dave is surprised at how damn good brad is at cooking and that he smokes

Who stays up way too late and who tries to drag them to bed?

they’re both guilty of staying up way too late. like i said earlier, bradley ends up carrying david to bed if he stays up too late. if brad’s up too late, david insists on staying up with him, but he’ll start softly humming and trying to cuddle with him until brad gives in

Who’s messier? 

dave, but he never sets out to make a mess, it just happens and then he finds himself surrounded by clutter

Which member is more likely to accidentally spend $300 at Target?

i think they’re both pretty mindful of their spending, but probably van driessen

Who wanted/would want kids first? 

neither really wants kids since they spend so much time around them at work. they have a kitty that dave finds as a stray and brings home

Who gives piggy back rides to the other? 

they don’t really do piggyback rides but sometimes buzzcut carries van d around bridal-style

Who fell in love first?

between the two of them, david, but everyone else noticed they liked each other and wanted them to get together first. definitely a major point of gossip in the teacher’s lounge when neither of them were in there

[cinnamonest]

Xingqiu - Yandere Profile

I actually just got my sweet bookworm boi to his next to last ascension, my hydro baby, my angel, I love him even if bc of him I have to marathon fight the oceanid

I’ve had a lot of reqs for him & Chongyun dating back to January again lol but it only felt right to wait until I finished both so I could release them at the same time, so, Chongyun’s will be up immediately after this!

=======================

TWs: fem reader, yandere, confinement, manipulative behaviors, mentions of homicide, gaslighting, Xingqiu being a spoiled arrogant brat

TWs (below cut): noncon/dubcon, manipulating and guilting reader into sex, overstimulation, fluids/cumplay, humiliation 

Since there's no canonical age but he has a bit of the rounded young face I'm tagging with the sh*ta tw as well!

=======================

Severity Scale

Intelligence/Perceptiveness: 7 Brutality: 3 Physical capability: 4 Mental/emotional instability: 6 Restrictiveness: 7 Sexual sadism: 5 Stubbornness: 8

What are they generally like? Lucid, aware? Obsessive? How do they behave?

Tries to buy his way to you, initially. He's grown up seeing the power that money holds over people, and, well, his father can always just wave a bit around and get whatever he wants from most people, so why should you be any different? He goes for stereotypical "girl" things like flowers and jewelry at first, unless you have some prominent and well-known interest, in which case he'll invest in something related to that.

Honestly, for all his chivalry and all that, his maturity is something of a faux one, a sort of projected self-image of the gentlemanly figure he strives to be... but when he lets that slip, he can be something of a childish spoiled brat. The thing is... he's completely unaware and refuses to acknowledge that he can be so immature. He likes getting what he wants, when he wants it, exactly how he wants it, and being denied the things he wants isn't particularly common in his life. So rejection comes not so much as a disappointment so much as a shock. No matter, you're just... a brat, yourself. You think you're too good for everyone, he reasons, so you play hard to get.

Really, after recovering from the initial shock, he realizes he likes things this way. He likes challenges. It would be no fun if you came to him easily. You may be a brat, but in the end, the one thing he refuses to ever do is lose. Chivalrous gentlemen are fine with having to earn their things, so really, he's thankful that you reminded him of his morals, of his desire to truly earn the things he wants. It will make it that much more meaningful.

So he goes heavy on the idea of "courting", following whatever old and prudish traditions may exist in Liyue. If you're from somewhere else, he figures, that could be why -- clearly he hasn't followed through on whatever is normal for your culture. Silly him. He makes an effort to research whatever those traditions may be, and goes to the absolute maximum on performing them. Lavishes you in gifts of all kinds, constantly giving you compliments. He even goes to the effort of, if all else fails, reading romance novels targeted at women to get a better grasp of what exactly you're supposed to like, and emulates those behaviors.

Overall, though, in later stages Xingqiu slightly more mild for a yan, allowing you to have interactions with others (even if he’s irritated), such as his family, family servants, and his friends, and will even take you outside now and then. However, he will cut off your ties to those friends you had before that weren't mutual friends. He's also one of the least likely yanderes to ever kill someone, and will avoid hurting people if possible -- if anything, he prefers more discreet methods like ruining their life socially or financially.

He's also a lot more moody behind closed doors than he is to most people. His attempts to be oh-so-mature eventually kinda crumble, and the more comfortable he becomes around you, the more he lets his immaturity show.

He could assign family servants to looking for you, but really, he prefers to do it himself, this is about love after all, he doesn't want to assign them to a task they would never perform as diligently as he could. But rather than stalking, he chooses to just kind of... stay with you. He's somehow always where you are, "coincidentally" running into you everywhere and then somehow nothing having anything to do, because he clings to you for hours until you finally have to go home, and even then, he'll just follow you to continue the visit there if he can. No point in watching from a distance when he can be right there with you. And again, he's actually surprisingly unaware that his clinginess is so obvious, he's oblivious to how obvious his infatuation is. Which is a bit odd, considering that he's usually fairly perceptive, but he's so confident in the fact that he is normally perceptive that he allows himself to slip into abnormal behaviors without really realizing it, because he's not constantly on guard in the way some less socially adept yanderes are.

On a genuinely sweet level, there's one little thing he keeps hidden from you. He's actually written a lot of love poetry for you, verses about you and all of the things he loves about you so much... Despite usually being fairly confident in his work, he can't bring himself to show it to you. He's too flustered. And considering your negative reactions to his affection (read: not wanting to be kept like a captive animal), he is actually a bit sensitive to that perceived rejection, which further discourages him. He keeps them all stashed away, stuffed into some fairly hidden drawer. Should you ever come across them and bring them up, it's one of a very few things that will genuinely make him super embarrassed, and he'll just insist they weren't about you, even though the details make it obvious they were, and storm off, never bringing it up again.

How likely are they to kidnap their darling? How quickly will they do so?

It's not kidnapping. It's... relocating. He's far too chivalrous to resort to something so brutish as kidnapping! He'll make sure you want to come with him. He can easily arrange for there to be rumors and reports of... occurrences near your home. Criminal activity, maybe false rumors of mysterious disappearances. Hell, he'll get Chongyun to testify that your house has demonic spirits in it. Something to make you want to move out. Maybe some things start happening to you -- you get the feeling you're being watched, you get threatening messages mailed to your home, you have strangers (read: randos who will do anything for some mora he gives them) telling you you're not welcome in the area and to get out. It's all incredibly confusing and scary and you have no idea what brought it all on!

Luckily for you, you have a rich, generous friend who makes it more than clear you're welcome to come stay with him for a while at any time. Eventually, no matter what it takes, he can push you to a point where you'll take him up on that offer. Something feels... oddly ominous about the way the gates to his family estate close behind you once you walk in. Like they're sealing your fate.

And once step one is done, step two of his plan goes into place - make sure you never want to leave. He can make that happen, there's plenty of space here for you to roam, plenty for you to do, and even when he's not there to entertain you, there's plenty of servants to keep an eye on you and make sure that whenever you try to leave, they'll smile and tell you you can't go just yet miss, there's this or that going on tonight! The young master said he had something important for you when he gets back later! You can't go out now, there was just an attack by some deranged person in the town still on the loose! Just... go back inside for now.

Of course, it's wishful thinking, but he likes to maintain the delusion that he can just keep this going indefinitely, that you won't finally one day put your foot down and tell him you've been stuck here nearly a month and you're ready to at least go visit home. He might even entertain it a bit - sure, you can go visit your old house with him and collect some of your old things to bring back with you, but he makes sure to make it look at though whatever problem he made up is still occurring. Nonetheless, if you're insistent, or at whatever point you finally crack and catch on, demand to know what's going on - well, it's not pretty. He gets into something of a tantrum if you don't comply, but ultimately, in his own little huffy, ticked off way, says you can't leave, and that's that, no more questions allowed, and no more of this ridiculous demand to leave. Of course, darling is taken aback at first, even thinking he's joking, but it soon becomes very clear he's completely serious, and intends to enforce that command.

How difficult is it to escape from them? How do they keep you restrained? How do they deal with attempted escape? 

When he's with you, he's tends to be pretty clingy, both physically and in conversation, never ceasing talking about this or that, and he's actually a sleep-clinger as well, keeping an iron grip around your waist when you sleep. So, whenever he's at his home, he insists on you being in his presence, usually physically touching, so you won't really get an opportunity while he's just in another room or something because you can't get any privacy to begin with. When you're in public, he's incredibly watchful over your every move and incredibly clingy then as well, so don't expect such a chance to arrive either.

Thus, your best bet is to try when you're under the watch of guards, whenever he's gone for whatever reason. They've been instructed to watch you from a distance, you see, he doesn't want them interacting with you directly, so you'll have a few chances here or there where they get distracted or their backs are turned. There will likely eventually also be a time where there's a scheduling error, you end up unsupervised! However, physically getting out of the estate is still difficult. There's still posted guards everywhere. So all in all, it's fairly difficult, especially in broad daylight, the only time he's not with you.

When you're inevitably dragged back kicking and screaming by some poor guards that aren't getting paid enough to deal with this, after getting back and hearing the report he deals with it in that unnerving saccharine way of feigning ignorance to try and get a reaction. Now, he knows you weren't trying to get out... right? Surely you got distracted by a bird or something, right? That's the only reason why you'd ever try to leave, right? It's obvious he knows better, and is just fucking with your head, but it's best not to lie. What he wants is an admittance of guilt and an apology, preferably down on the floor begging for forgiveness.

How easy are they to trick, deceive, or manipulate?

Moderate, leaning towards difficult. He's perceptive, and intelligent, but that intelligence is largely a sort of book-smarts type of intelligence. He's generally crafty and a prankster himself, so pulling things over on him is difficult because he's familiar with the mindset and methods of doing so, but he can be tricked if you put on a believable enough act. Basically, a darling who is a good actor stands a much better chance.

However, he's ultimately a learner. You can get away with some tricks or plots once, but he won't fall for the same thing twice. Any sort of escape or deceit you've tried once, he'll make active efforts to guard against and prevent in the future.

Manipulation, though, you can forget it. He's way too proud and stubborn to be emotionally manipulated, in the end getting his way and what he wants takes priority over making you happy, so don't expect to be able to manipulate him based on the notion of something making you happier.

How lenient are they? What privileges can you have, and what will you be denied?

Fairly lenient, actually. You get a lot of access so long as your behavior is good, so really it's wise to be on your best behavior in the long term of things. He can get you anything you want, especially reading material. And you actually get to go outside, yay! He's like my earlier Childe profile on that -- he likes to go on dates, and he's actually really enthusiastic about it! He's big on date planning, wanting to see everything there is to see and do everything there is to do together. The rules are that you just need to be physically attached to him in some way -- you can hold his hand, grab at his sleeves, or he can do so to you (although he'd prefer you cling to him. He likes the image it projects to people around you). He actually gets really hyped about said dates whenever you plan them, he'll talk to you for hours plotting out all the things to do on this particular outing. At one point, his smile drops and his voice goes low and he tells you that, just a reminder, you know the rules for dates, right? ...Good.

Similarly, if you ask, he'll let you accompany him on more trivial outings as well, say if you'd like to go grocery shopping, and he certainly won't turn down a trip to the bookstore. The same rules apply, although he's a bit less excited for something so mundane.

One thing he won't do, surprisingly, is let you have anything to do with Guhua arts or skills. He won't teach you anything he knows nor let you learn, and if you were a follower of it before, he'll cut off your access to any material. His reasoning is that he just doesn't really think anything to do with combat suits you. You're better off learning more passive skills and hobbies.

In reality? He can't stand the thought of you ever being able to present a challenge to him in that sense. It would kill his ego if you ever managed to do something related to the Guhua arts better than he can, or even half as good as he can.

What kind of rules do they have? What kind of punishment would they use?

Well, to occupy your time, he has things that need cleaning you know... Honestly, he's messy, and he's already used to having maids, so he kinda treats you like one to some degree. Of course, he's active in his little heroism adventures, but when it comes to his own living spaces and such things he can be a bit lazy. So, he'll give you tasks to do sometimes, he likes the power rush too that he gets from ordering you around a bit. It soothes the ego.

Outside of your strolls together, you can't be going outside (and you don't get to choose when you do go on your little walks and dates, he does, although he may grant you the wishes of your begging). Also, don't actually try to talk to the guards. They're there to watch you, nothing more, so pay them no mind, and by no means should you ever have a reason to make conversation with them. If there's an emergency or something you need, you may inform them and get help, nothing more. And really, they're more afraid of this rule than you are -- you'll have difficulty finding one even willing to talk to you, they all take the warnings they've been given very seriously.

He eventually gets nitpicky and makes all sorts of little behavioral rules, it's incredibly obnoxious. But honestly, suffering his bratty tantrums is enough of a punishment, even if he didn't usually follow it up with actual punishment, which, for him, tends to be something perverted in some way.

How do they deal with rivals, or perceived rivals? Will they get rid of them? Will they kill them themselves, or find another way?

He actually gets jealous rather easily, often over people who are no real threat. You can never be too nice to anyone -- even after he introduces you to his father and older brother, he expects you to be happy to meet them... but not that much. If you show too much excitement or happiness over any other being, he gets pouty, especially other men, but also your friends, male or female, family, even animals. His first reaction isn't to kill, rather, just an increase in isolation. Drag you back home and make sure you get a lot of time to yourselves, seeks reassurance that you really love him. If it's his own family, he might get grouchy towards them, snap at them a bit, bitterly drag you back off to your own room, where he'll then proceed to get equally grouchy towards you until you have given him enough reassurance he deems sufficient. In his own time, when you're not around, he makes sure to make it perfectly clear to those around him that they aren't to get in between you two.

He's one of the better yans to have in this regard, though, because he's unlikely to resort to killing anyone. He's got too much of his self-image invested in the idea of morals and justice to be able to do so, he can't delude himself into believing it's right or acceptable. It's not impossible to push him to that point, but it wouldn't just be someone you show any positive reception towards -- if Xingqiu did end up killing a rival, it would have to be one for whom you have very blatantly made clear you have actual romantic and sexual affection, someone who poses a genuine, real threat.

Xingqiu is a sort of open book when it comes to jealousy -- it's obvious to everyone around you that he's mad at someone else for even looking at you, and he doesn't try to hide it. It makes him that much angrier if someone doesn't obey his silent demand to stop interacting with you, doesn't seem fazed by his glares and coldness. He'll meet with them privately and make things clear verbally, since he tells himself maybe they're just dense and too stupid to understand. But they only get one more chance. Cross him twice, and they'll likely find themselves in financial ruin after pulling some strings through the connections of his father and brother.

What would make him significantly more likely to kill someone is someone who poses a legal threat, someone who catches on to what's going on and threatens to get him in serious trouble for it. Even if he tried bribing them, well, they'd likely just pretend to accept, and someone so bold likely wouldn't bow to threats.

This is where he can slip into the mindset of a delusional yandere. He once again projects the image in his head, that knight he wants to be for you, and hey, sometimes to save the princess, the heroes in his martial arts epics have to get their hands dirty, have to unfortunately get blood on their hands for the sake of the greater good. And hey, then it's usually called character development. Most of his fictional heroes tend to have killed at least one person in a sort of epic battle to defend something precious to them. This is no different. Of course, ambushing an unarmed person and running them through hardly counts as an epic battle, but he doesn't really take that part into account.

How easy is it to make them mad? What does their anger look like?

Again, a bit of a spoiled brat at times. He's pouty, gives you the cold shoulder, yet dramatically inserts himself in front of you and whatever you're occupied with so you can't do anything. Basically he's forcing you to acknowledge his pouting and ask him what's wrong so that he can pull the "oh, nothing" until you ask again, and maybe he'll eventually bitterly, passive-aggressively make it clear what you did wrong. The bright side is he's easily soothed - an apology and some groveling will fix his attitude pretty quickly, although he'll have an infuriating air of superiority about it all, telling you he's glad you were able to understand what you did and have, hopefully, learned to correct the behavior in the future.

Worse offenses, things that make him genuinely and truly infuriated, are significantly worse, but rather uncharacteristically for him, he's quiet. And that's what's do frightening about it - for once you almost wish he would blabber or complain or whine like you're so used to, but his fury is dead silent. He moves without speaking, harsh motions that will either shove or tug you to wherever he's trying to maneuver you, and he shows how he feels through actions rather than words - he slams doors and objects, stomps, everything about his body language is frightening enough to make you stiffen and jolt.

Thankfully, Xingqiu is a milder yandere when it comes to severity of things he'll do to you in moments of anger -- he's one that can control himself well enough not to severely hurt you, break bones or anything like that. When it comes to his flashes of anger, at worst he might slap you in his tantrums, but he has at least enough self-control and empathy for you to manage better than a lot of yanderes.

So they see you as above them, beneath them, or equal to them?

Below. It's mostly that he thinks rather highly of himself - he's an important person you know. He saves people, he goes around doing his little vigilante thing, and he's not afraid to flaunt sometimes.

If you happen to also be from a rich family, you can earn a little bit more respect from him, you're cultured and sophisticated. If you're intelligent, you can get some validity in his mind as well. He'll still consider himself more intelligent and higher status, something you'd be mindful to remember, but he'll begrudgingly acknowledge it.

A commoner darling, though? God forbid an airheaded one? Forget about getting any respect - you're more like... A cute little puppy to him. Dumb and loud and clumsy, but nonetheless very cute and loveable. You were just... Made to be something of an accessory to him. And he loves and values you, you mean the world to him really, but that's all the more reason why you should accept your place as such.

How determined are they for you to love them? How hard will they try to make it happen? Or are they content just having you?

It drives him up the wall. You know, his father could arrange his marriage to a ton of young rich daughters in Liyue who would be more than happy about it, but he can't get the attention of ONE girl he likes? It's infuriating. And it makes him all the more insistent to have specifically you.

For Xingqiu, it's a mix of both desperation and a pride thing as well. One one hand he desperately does truly want his feelings to be returned, he wants you to love him, he wants the fantasy he has in his head of you two having a long, happy future together. On the other hand, rejection is also a mark on his pride, and that irritates him beyond comprehension.

So don't expect him to ever give up, really. Unlike a lot of loving yans though, he doesn't blame himself, he directs the rejection hurt outward - maybe you're just so spoiled yourself that nothing is good enough for you. Maybe you're just playing hard to get. Maybe you just think constantly turning him down is funny, it's amusing to you, and, well, he doesn't take lightly to you trying to play games with him. So while he'll continue to try and earn your love, don't be surprised if it results in an irritated mood swing every now and then.

Bonus: Is there anything that makes them unique, in comparison to other yanderes?

A lack of desire/hesitancy to resort to violence or more morally wayward methods. He stakes a lot of his pride and self-image on being a chivalrous, upright, just person, someone who should exemplify right and punish wrong, and unfortunately for him he's not a delusional and can't convince himself that he's doing the right thing. He wants to be a gentleman, your knight in shining armor, the storybook hero he projects in his head that always comes to save his princess, who in turn is receptive and showers him in praise and affection and gratitude. You're the problem, you see, you're not following through on your role in all this.

As such, he really, really hates having to dirty his hands in any way, or do anything that he knows is wrong and will consequently drag him into guilt. Not that he can't be driven to it, because he certainly can, but if it reaches that point, that means you didn't cooperate with him to begin with, which would have made things so much easier, so he'll definitely rid himself of that guilt by redirecting the blame to you, or deluding himself into some bizarre justification.

Another thing... his family's compliance. Honestly? His dad is far too busy and far too done with Xingqiu's shit to expect any help from him. His son tends to be picky, whiny, and demanding -- now that you're here, he's finally satiated, finally actually paying attention to the important matters his father wants him to be involved with, finally not causing nearly as much trouble now that you're around. You can bet he's more than happy to put in some extra funds and personnel to restrain some random commoner, so long as his son is satisfied. His brother doesn't really agree with it all, but his brother wants this and his father is supporting it, so... his hands are tied. He turns a blind eye. And the staff, the servants? They're getting paid far too much to care, and besides, the family is incredibly influential -- should they get fired, it could smear their reputation. It’s kinda really discouraging, being surrounded by so many people, but none of them willing to help you.

General perverseness: how sexual of a person are they? What’s their drive like? How touchy do they get? Do they have any reservations about sexuality?

Bounces back and forth. On one hand, he wants to maintain, again, a gentlemanly and sophisticated image, and in his mind, such people don't normally think about such things, don't behave in lewd or degenerate ways. On the other hand, he's a nasty little perv that secretly sinks to the absolute depths of depravity. There's not much he can't get off to. If his poor brother hadn't been so busy being concerned about the martial arts books under his bed, and had dug further, he would have found that those books are actually just a cover-up for a different set of nasty, gross materials he's spent years accumulating -- some of the most vulgar smut you've ever seen, stuff you question how he ever even got ahold of. Surely the book house wouldn't sell this kind of material... it's honestly a mystery how he manages to get so much.

With his first few interactions, he tends to display the former image, but the more time he spends with anyone, the more that inner little pervert side tends to come out. He's definitely one to get touchy, his light grazing little touches become firmer and more daring, his hands always rest just at a point that's right on the boundary of being inappropriate. Sometimes he'll straight-up grope you and pass it off as teasing. He's also like Kaeya in that he intentionally tries to embarrass you by making your mind go to lewd places, making obvious innuendos and euphemisms, then pretending like he doesn't know why you're looking at him like that... oh, is that what you thought he meant? Wow, you must have such a dirty mind, you little pervert.

How forceful are they? Do they care about your willingness?

Something like rape is barbaric! Of course he would never, eeeeever do something so awful, so unbecoming of someone like him. And he really never will. He's another yan that will simply... Secure your consent by whatever means necessary.

In the end he'll most likely guilt trip and gaslight his way into it. I mean, you're staying with him for free, he took you in, he feeds you and clothes you and you can't show one little bit of gratitude? He treats you like a wife and you can't fulfil your end of that role? Don't be selfish. He loves you so much... He'd do anything for you... don't you want him to be happy too?

He'll try different approaches. If seduction doesn't work off the bat, he'll try gaslighting, if that doesn't work, he'll try guilt tripping, if that doesn't work, he'll make up a bizarre lie - he has to have sex or he'll die, somehow! You get the idea. If you really, really, really push it, he may just resort to a vague threat of sorts - nothing too bad or deadly, but hey, it would sure be a shame if this recent market crash affected your family financially... Not that he knows anyone who has power over the local commerce or anything.

With a more timid, soft darling, you're likely to end up essentially... Dubcon'ed. Half-noncon'ed. He just kinda... Slowly goes for it, and at your protests insists no, it's ok, you'll feel good... And a timid darling too afraid to stop him doesn't exactly fight back or resist, so hey, silence is a green light.

What sort of kinks or fetishes do they have, or would they fill?

Experimentation

As I've said, he's a nasty little perv deep down, and he can get off to, well, a LOT of things. And he loves to try new things out, no matter how weird it may be. He's one you can get into a lot of things involving toys and objects, or physical forms of things applied to the body (think temperature play, hot wax, nipple clamps -- anything that has to do with objects being used on you). Part of the fun of it all is having something new that he's never tried before! Even if it turns out to not be his favorite thing, he'll still enjoy the trying it out, and those things he DOES find himself liking, well, he'll just have to add them to the little mental list of favorites.

And he, honestly, enjoys the little reactions you often have to the notions of this or that -- the shock and sudden fear on your face when he tells you today you'll do this or that, and how you shake your cute little head so rapidly. It's not that bad, he promises, and he's done a lot of research and reading to be sure he does things correctly, so no worries!

Body writing

It's kinda comical because you can't make out a word. With his canonically horrendous handwriting, but fondness for the act of writing, it makes for what essentially looks to you like abstract art on your body -- but just know it's the lewdest, most degrading shit you can think of that he'll get all over your thighs and stomach, marking you as his. If nothing else, he gets off to it, and based on the little things he whispers in your ear, you know it's the same sort of humiliating things. If he takes his time, he can write better, but he gets caught up in the heat of the moment.

Lingerie

He's a fan of lacey, frilly things. And he will definitely invest in as many as he can buy, ornate and intricate things, stockings for your legs that have pretty lace patterns at the top of the thigh, bras and panties that are somehow both lacey and perfectly see-through. He's also a big fan of things that have holes in them for easy access, so you can wear it the whole time. And, if he's feeling meaner, he'll definitely have you walk around in just that for a while -- not out where anyone else in the estate could see you, of course, but in his room with him.

Master/slave

He's not a sadist per se, and doesn't really put you in pain, but he loves your submission. And no better way to exemplify submission than with service. The little bastard already makes you act like a maid outside of bed, but now he likes it even more -- there's a certain rush of power to laying out a command and seeing you follow it. Not to mention the cute look on your warm face as you follow though with the degrading shit. Oh, and you'd better believe he gets humiliating. It's not necessarily degrading in the sense that he says or makes you say bad things about yourself, but rather, just the commands themselves, getting on your hands and knees and crawling over to him, and demanding you slowly strip down. Make it cute, give him a show, you know? He won't be cruel in the things he says about you, yet your pride is still wrecked by the end of it all.

Voyeurism/masturbation instruction

He loves to watch you get off, honestly. It ties into the slave thing to a degree, making you follow every little command, telling you exactly how to touch yourself and move your hands. He'll sigh and tell you no, you're going to fast, you can't do it that fast yet... and if you get too overexcited, he'll just have to make you stop, since you can't seem to listen, and maybe not get to cum until tomorrow, so you can learn to behave better about it next time.

Fluids/Cumplay

He has something of a fixation with all kinds. He loves seeing the trail of saliva from your mouth when you pull off his dick, the way cum drips out of you and runs down your thighs. He also likes seeing it splattered across your face, your chest, in your hair, something about the sight of it nearly has him hard immediately after and ready to go. But he also likes how it will gross you out, leaving you tied up so that you can't wipe it off, are forced to just stay there with it dripping out of your holes and down your skin in a way that makes you shiver. And, really, he loves your fluids too, sweet salty slick that's just so mesmerizing to watch coat his fingers and face. But his favorite thing, probably has to be running his fingers through your own juices and slick, collecting it on his fingers, holding it up to your mouth and telling you to suck them clean. Somehow, it's even hotter when you're licking your own fluids off of his fingers, although you doing so with his is certainly nice too.

How do they feel about pregnancy or babies? Do they want them?

He’d like an heir one day. He's one to want a kid, maybe two, but not a whole lot. Just enough to have a proper family structure, much like the family he was raised in. It's the proper thing to do, he thinks, a natural part of the social order and continuation of a legacy. As a natural extension of his spoiled brat tendencies, he often doesn't think very responsibly in regards to preventing children, so, lucky for him, that ideal will likely come to fruition eventually, if physically possible.

What kind of (nsfw) punishments would they use?

Absolutely uses overstimulation. Whatever sorts of toys exist in Teyvat, he's rich enough that he can easily obtain them - little things he can attach to you and leave buzzing, or thick plugs and internal toys to stuff you full and leave you there to suffer in stimulation and stretching for hours on end. And he doesn't leave you alone, no, he stays close by, leaving you tied up and blindfolded, the occasionally lazy checkup of "oh, how are you holding up over there? I almost totally forgot you were there!" in a mocking tone while he goes about reading his books or practicing or jerking off to the sight.

Also ruined orgasms. Ugh, he's the worst. Gets you right to your peak, likely also after hours of edging, and then just... stops. Right as you reach the high, stops all motion, leaves you whimpering and sobbing, it's literally painful to actually reach it, and then still have that orgasm taken from you. And he'll be sure to remind you that if you were good, you could experience it in full, he could make you feel so good and let you ride out that high... but so long as you insist on being such a stubborn little princess, unfortunately, he can't just give you that. He hates this too, you know, he says. He'd love nothing more than to share pleasure, but you insist on being difficult.

What body parts of their darling do they like the most?

Legs and thighs. He likes the aesthetics of legs, the softness, the way the flesh feels in his hands. The way touching them can make you jolt, the sensitivity, the way they leave little marks so perfectly if he sucks and bites at the skin. It's just really pretty.

[sslow-dancer]

hi! can i request a one shot with polnareff x reader but he’s still stuck as the turtle but a twist like the princess and the frog? the reader kisses the turtle and he comes back to being his old (part 3) self because the reader is the one? lots of fluff plzzz? ty ;w;

A/N: Okay but this idea is so unbelievably cute?! I apologize for taking forever to get it done. I went a bit deep and overboard with the storyline on a request that is so simple and I’m pretty sure this is my longest one up to date actually BUT- it’s whatever. There’s plenty of fluff near the end, I promise. I enjoyed writing this and I hope you enjoy reading it too!! 🤍

(If this flops, I will be so sad omg)

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“You’re The One, My Love.” (Jean Pierre Polnareff x Reader)

Warnings: mentions of drug abuse and depression

tags: gender-neutral, gender-inclusive, jean pierre polnareff x reader, turtle pol, magical, kiss, twist, slight angst, sfw, fluff

Description: One day after having to escort Polnareff as orders from your boss, you begin to grow quite fond of him. During your usual hangouts, you jokingly offer to kiss him as a way to recreate one of your favorite fairytales.

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You giggle as Jean pulls you into a kiss, you feel him smile as he holds your face gently. You’re happy to see the man you love not be as serious and hurt as he was when you first met him. Your expression reminiscent of the memories shared between you before this moment.

~A Year Before~

Your personal servant had drawn the curtains. Your eyes fluttered open, body awaken by the bright sunlight shining from your windows and murmurs outside your bedroom. You groaned in frustration as you threw a pillow at him, he managed to catch it and place it back by your bed frame. You huffed,

“Didn’t boss say I have the week off? I’m allowed to sleep in.” you stated blankly, remembering how you had the strong urge to strangle him for ruining your slumber. He shook his head as he sat by the edge of your bed and pointed at the clock that stood on top of your nightstand. You distinctly remember the screen marked 7:25AM exactly. You sighed as you thought you could’ve at least slept in by 10. You sat up and criss crossed your legs and played with the lose strings of your blanket as he replied.

“Technically you do, but today is last minute and different. Sr. Giovanna wants you to escort out a close individual he works with today by 8.”

Frustrated, you plopped your hands down onto your lap and rolled your eyes as you said back,

“Not to be bratty but...can’t he just do that himself or get one of you to do it?” you raised your pointers and middle fingers to create air quotations “This individual must be pretty important if not even the boss can take care of it.”

Your servant shut his eyes and sighed. After what you had just told him, deep down you felt bad about how much he had to deal with your bull on a daily basis- not to mention your constant grumbling in the morning whether he woke you or not. Either way, you were pretty grumpy most mornings. He shook his head again.

“It’s not that either. Sr. Giovanna could easily lead him out but he’s currently finishing business with other people in the country. Sr. Mista is with him as well so you’re the only one we have present. They both must attend all meetings, they are not to miss one.

“Okay, but that still doesn’t answer my question. What’s so important about him or her or whatever the hell they go by?”

“I’ll let you figure that out for yourself.” He said finally as he patted your bed as a way to non-verbally tell you to get ready.

You huffed when he exited the room, plopping your back down hard into the foamy mattress. You roughly grabbed at the pillow you had thrown earlier and placed it over your face, you screamed into it for a good 10 seconds.

Looking back, were you being a little too dramatic? Yes, sure- of course. It’d make anyone cringe if they were to had witnessed it though you didn’t really mind. You were still maturing anyway. You were still getting used to the life Giorno Giovanna and Guido Mista had offered and gladly given to you.

Before meeting your boss Giovanna and his right hand man Mista, you had been living life miserably at home. Though before anyone asks, no: your parents were not abusive, no: your siblings weren’t either, no: nor were your friends or teachers. You had just become very distressed with the life you were leading on. You didn’t like the person you were and were expected to become. Anxiety took over rather unexpectedly. So what did you do when you had enough? You moved on to drugs.

You were surprised to find out how easy it was for a person in their late teens to gain access towards those terrible substances. But none the less, you later learned your dealer was from the mafia known as “Passione.”

Was it dangerous for you to have figured out that information? Yes. However, you remained cautious and never told a soul...until one day you bumped into the now late capo, Bruno Bucciarati.

You were walking down your local dealing alleyway, hands in pockets and school bag still in sight. You usually dealt after school as many adults were distracted by the kids that filled up the streets. Thus making them barely notice the illegal activity going on as a large number of students would walk down alleyways as a shortcut to their home. You were swift in paying back and receiving your desired substances anyway.

All of a sudden you heard a distant call, a call out of your name. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned around to look at the direction from where the call was coming from, that’s when you saw him. He stood a few feet from you.

“I’m glad I was able to find you...my name is Bruno Bucciarati. Your parents sent me to look for you, they’ve mentioned to me that you’ve been coming home late from school lately.”

You only shrugged and completely ignored his claim. You began walking away but were stopped again when he said,

“Leaky eyed Luca deals with you, doesn’t he?”

You kept your gaze forward and your back turned away from Bruno. Turning your head slightly over your shoulder, you mumbled,

“If I say yes, will you leave me alone?”

Without having to look at him, you knew he had tilted his head when he answered.

“That depends. If you answer honestly, no trouble will occur. I’ll remain calm with you, that is a promise.”

You blinked, sighing as you kicked at the small pebbles near your feet, staring at your shoes as you thought about what he said.

You had been dealing with Luca and you knew that his business was risky. Though you didn’t care. You felt that you needed to get the drugs you wanted pronto and Luca was the only one who would give them to you quickly. You shook your head, deciding to give up as you didn’t want anyone to notice you both speaking. You turned to face him and quietly replied,

“Yes, he deals with me. He’s the provider, I’m the receiver.”

Bruno smiled, satisfied with your answer.

He followed up with informing you that Luca had been killed at a local airport and was told to investigate his death. He didn’t provide too many details as to the cause of his death but you didn’t feel like asking anyway. Bruno admitted he came to speak to you as hours prior one of your parents really did come to speak to him about your behavior. After connecting some dots, he suspected you had something to do with Luca’s death as you were not attending school and were gone for most of the day. Not to mention, your teachers had called your parents that day as well.

Luckily, he was able to clear you out as a suspect as you cooperated with him and weren’t sweaty or completely jittery. He also gave you a little talk about using drugs. He promised he wouldn’t tell your parents that you got yourself involved in that abusive life if you promised to not buy more again.

You truly felt at the time that he was the only one who understood and cared for you in just the short time you met him. Your eyes watered as you complied with Bruno, promising to do what he suggested. A promise you have held onto forever.

After some investigating of your own, you found out that it was your future boss that killed Luca. You were rather impressed than angry that he was able to kill him. You honestly believed Luca would never be caught.

Back to the day you had to escort this individual- after some more complaining and grumpy remarks towards everyone in the household, you were finally ready to meet them. Your personal servant led you to the front door. He made sure to quietly remind you to be polite.

Your attention turned to another servant walking down the stairs towards your direction. A pillow in hand with a piece of cloth covering whatever was on top it. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, laughing as you sarcastically remarked,

“Is this some kind of joke? It’s not April, is it?”

“No, but I guess this household treating me with the upmost respect is.”

Your eyes widen. ‘Did that thing under the cloth just speak?” you asked yourself.

The servant removed the cloth and there revealed a turtle. A turtle with a key-shaped hole embedded on its shell. You almost assumed that the turtle smirked at you when he added,

“I know, don’t be too surprised. I plan to get out of this animal once my soul decides to give up. I haven’t always looked like this, ya know.”

Your mouth gaped open as to say something, but you quickly shut it as you didn’t know how to reply. He chuckled,

“Hand me over to them, we’ll talk more when we get to my destination.”

You hesitantly took the pillow from the servant’s hands and remained in shock as you walked out the door. You were careful not to drop him as you got down to the front gates. Gulping as you asked,

“So...my servant wasn’t that specific on me having to leave you in the car or actually riding with you. It’s kind of my fault as I don’t like to listen and talk in the morning...”

You nervously laughed as he looked up to you. He replied,

“It’s quite alright. I was told you have to ride with me. But don’t worry, you won’t have to stay for long. It’s only around a 10 minute ride.”

“Yeah, okay.”

You sat behind the passenger seat and placed the pillow in the middle, right next to your side.

The ride was relatively quiet, you looked out the window as you kept a fist under your chin. Your expression showed that of concern. You were too nervous to say anything. Even though he had joked back earlier, you were afraid he didn’t like you as his voice stayed stern throughout your small talk. You were afraid you had offended him in some way.

Your mood changed when the driver alerted that you had arrived. You thanked him as he opened the door for you, your hands grasped the pillow tightly so the talking turtle wouldn’t fall. You asked him with a small voice.

“Is there anywhere you’d like for me to set you?”

“Yes... put me on top of that balcony over there. I want to look at the lake.”

��Of course.”

You did as he said and sat him on the balcony. Your eyes gleamed when you caught sight of the glimmering water and greenery of the setting. You’ve always known that Italy is one of the most beautiful places in the world but at that time you had forgotten and were fascinated all over again. Like when a child sees a playground for the first time.

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” he asked, you nodded.

“Yes, it really is. It’s no wonder you asked me set you on here.”

“Yes... I wanted to look at one more beautiful sight before I go. Like I said earlier, my soul is no longer fit to be here, so I might as well admire my surroundings for now.”

Your mind quickly became curious after he said that. You wanted to know more behind what he meant. You weren’t going back to that car until you got answers. So to make things easy, you started off with asking his name.

“If you don’t mind... would you like to tell me your name?”

“It’s Jean. Jean Pierre Polnareff.”

‘So he’s French.’ you remember thinking, his accent wasn’t too thick but you assumed and your assumption was right. After that, you went on to tell him your name and your experiences before meeting boss Giorno Giovanna. He shared the same with you.

You talked for so long in fact that you paid off the driver of your assigned car to go back and finish his shift early, promising them that you’ll find a ride later yourself.

You ended off the chatty night with placing Jean under a nearby bench and waving at him. You were saddened but Jean said he enjoyed your company so much that he’ll try to stay for longer and that you’re welcome to come him visit him everyday.

And so you did.

For months you came by to talk to him. You were happy to see that his soul wasn’t giving up yet- you knew you would cry if it were to one day. You had come to realize that you love him but you didn’t know if he felt the same way about you. You had only seen his face once- that was the day he decided to show you the physical embodiment of his soul.

You thought (and still think) he was so beautiful. The missing of bottom limbs and blindness in one eye did not bother you at all. His white-silver hair, style and personality is what did it for you. What it did to make you fall in love with his vanity and him. Just him. Jean himself.

~A Year Later~

It’s been a year now and as per usual, you spent half your days speaking to Jean by that same lake you were ordered to drive him to.

Boss Giovanna and Mista have noticed how fast you are in missions since then. They appreciate that you get things done but they still remain curious as to why you’re more happy and less grumpy than you were before. Though they don’t bother to ask, as they’re kind and don’t want to ruin your pure joy.

Today isn’t particularly different. All you had done earlier in the day was speak to a few citizens in town and dealt with giving details to your boss about a certain drug epidemic at a school. Nothing too out of the ordinary, a situation like this occurred at your old school too years back. Your duties were basically done once you learned information got to police.

You drive down to the park where the lake is at, smiling when you see a familiar small green circle on the balcony, looking over the glimmering waters. You park in the nearest lot and lock your car after getting out. You excitedly run over to Jean and smile when he turns his little head to greet you.

“I’m glad you’ve come again.” he says with a smile.

“Of course, why wouldn’t I?” you reply in a genuine tone.

You go on to talk about random topics and subjects as you always do. The conversation moving onto favorite pieces of literature and genres.

You roll your eyes in embarrassment as you tell him your most favorite one- one that is a fairytale and goes by the name of “The Frog Prince.”

“Well... it’s very fem of me but I really enjoy fairytales. Especially the ones from the Grimm brothers. My favorite is actually “The Frog Prince”

You place your elbow on the rail and use a hand to cover your burning cheek. Hoping that the redness rushing to your face won’t be noticed by Jean and that the sunset covers it up. Jean only laughs and hopes to comfort you when he says,

“Oh, that’s fine. Who cares if it’s feminine? They’re very well written stories and people shouldn’t be ashamed for what they like. I admire that your favorite genre is fairytale, you don’t hear people say that as often, you know?”

His words do comfort you and you thank him for that. He welcomes you and you feel like you’re actually looking into his sapphire eyes. The ones you fell in love with so long ago. You speak up before you’re even able to fully think.

“Say, the frog prince and the princess kissing, huh? Why don’t we kiss and see if it turns you back?”

Shit.

‘Did I really just ask that?’ you ask yourself ‘What the actual hell is wrong with you?!”

“I don’t see why not...”

“Huh?”

You’re stunned. You thought he would get offended for spurting out such a stupid thing. Of course your request won’t work- that shit is from a story book. It’s pure fiction. This is real life.

He’s a turtle now and you’re a human. You can’t and you won’t kiss him. You raise your hands up in defense.

“Hey, no! No need to play along after saying something so stupid to make me feel better. I just blurted that out I’m so sorry-“

“No, it’s okay. And I’m not playing along, I’m being serious. Go ahead. I’ve grown to like you a lot, a small kiss wouldn’t hurt.”

This answer is not what you expected. You nervously fiddle with your fingers as you look around. You sigh as you give in.

“Fine. I like you a lot too and I’ll do it. Let me just-“

You lift up the top half of Jean, his front turtle legs up in the air and his little face staring up at you. You take a deep breath and close your eyes, you slowly lean in and- kiss✨

The turtle falls out of your grasp. You stop puckering your lips and open your eyes. In a panicked state, you frantically look over the balcony and both sides of you to find him. You look forward and gasp. You grab at the railings to hold you steady.

There sits a groaning man on his knees. He rubs at his neck as he silently curses to himself, blinking fast and harshly as he tries to understand what’s going on around him. It’s dark now but the moon shines bright enough for you to get a better glimpse of him. You furrow your eyebrows as you slowly recognize who he is- Jean.

He has that same white-silver hair, sapphire eyes, big stature though the only difference is no eye glass in sight and his “legs” aren’t made out of metal.. they’re completely real. Flesh and all and you know that blood flows right through them like the rest of his body.

“J-Jean?” you whisper.

The man doesn’t hear you. All he does is groan and cross his legs in front of him. He stretches his arms and looks over any possible injuries on him.

“Jean.” you say again, louder this time.

He finally looks up at you. And there they are, those sapphire eyes you love so much. That face you’ve grown to be so fond off. His expression more than surprised. Though that expression quickly changes and softens- his eyes crease and a small smile appears. He says your name. And you tear up after he does.

He attempts to get up but his legs give up on him. You sprint to his side before he falls, letting him use your shoulders as support. He blushes.

“I’m sorry... I haven’t had real legs in years. Apparently I forgot how to use them...”

His voice is softer than before, the sternness isn’t there. He sounds younger almost. You giggle, as you use a hand to wipe at the tears of your eyes.

“Okay, I think I can stand now. Let go of me so I can look at you fully.”

You do as he says and as you watch him wobble, you reach out to help again but he shakes his head, waving your hands off as he’s able to maintain balance. You grin proudly when he does.

Jean turns to face you, he clasps your hands together and brings them up to his lips. You blush as he proceeds to hold them over his heart. He looks at you with pure love in his eyes.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. What you suggested was silly but it worked.”

“Yes, you’re welcome...” you say softly, looking down. He makes you look up again.

“You’re the one, my love. You always have been and always will be. My feelings for you started when we first met, I meant what I said. I have grown to like you a lot though it’s more than “like”- it’s love. And I’m so happy to know you feel the same way.”

You tear up at this and hug him. He hugs you back and you can’t believe that he does.

The turtle is no more and you have your true love back to human form.

He raises your chin up with his thumb and pointer, he kisses you and you kiss him back. The kiss long and meaningful.

You’re happy to know that the man you love, loves you too.

[barnesbabee]

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜰᴏᴜʀ- ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ

WONDERLAND MASTERLIST ⇜ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - ꜰᴏᴜʀ-  ɴᴇxᴛ ⟿

CHARACTER LIST:

White Rabbit - Choi Jongho Absolem (Blue Catterpilar) - Kang Yeosang Cheshire Cat - Kim Hongjoong Mad Hatter - Choi San Haigha (March Hare) - Jung Wooyoung Tweedle Dee - Song Mingi Tweedle Dum - Jeong Yunho Bloody Red King - Park Seonghwa

[Send me a DM, an ask or comment to be added to the tag list] Big thanks to my dear friend @smallfrye for making the banner <3

“She, my friends, is going to trick the King.”

The room echoed with gasps from the crowd.

"Aaaabsolem," the Hatter sang "are you trying to take my place as the mad one? That is not very nice!"

"I'm dead serious. The King has obviously taken a liking to her, she came back to us with a dress and with her head still attached to her body. The King took her for a stroll in the garden! She's the only one that can get close to him. Get close to him, and kill him."

You tilted your head and furrowed your eyebrows as you looked at him in disbelief. Was he serious?

"Sir, or whatever it is I'm supposed to call a caterpillar, I'm not about to kill someone."

"Tell me, what are you going to do?"

You gulped. You didn't know what to do. You didn't know where you were, you weren't even sure you were alive. But from not knowing what to do to committing murder, it went a long, long way.

"I can help you get close to him. That is as far as I'll go. I don't know the laws of this place or the morals anyone has, but where I'm from you can't just kill someone."

The hatter walked closer to you and caressed your cheek.

"My dear, the only law in Wonderland is that you can't disrespect the King's wishes."

"And does the King wish to die?"

The Hatter laughed loudly.

"I supposed not... Sucks to be him I guess! Off you go!" The Hatter said, grabbing your old dress and pushing you into a room to get dressed back into the horrid black and red, heart-decorated dress.

Once you came back all of their faces scrunched in disgust. The King really had ruined red for everyone...

"Alright beautiful, hmm here's the deal," Cheshire told you, twirling and swirling around in the air before settling right beside you "I have so kindly volunteered to take you to the castle. You're not entering thought, you will lay right outside under one of the trees, and you will pretend to be passed out, as our dear Tweedles inform the King that they saw a pretty lady with a black and red dress passed out not far from the castle. The card Knights will bring you in and you will tell the King you were scared when he started yelling. Apologize. You have to apologize, make sure he knows that you think you're in the wrong, because if he starts thinking that you blame him for something he'll lose his mind... And you'll lose your head!"

His tongue grazed along his sharp teeth and he chuckled lowly.

"And that's where Hatter comes in. After a few days, you tell him that he should get a new crown, a bigger one, and you suggest him to commission one from your good friend Hatter. And when Hatter tries to get the measurements, he'll kill the king. Make sure you find the witch in the castle, the King keeps her locked in a cage where she can't perform her magic."

You looked around the room, meeting everyone's expectant (and slightly insane) eyes.

"Fine, but you have to promise that while I'm away you find a way out of here, to send me back home."

The Wonderlanders looked around, with uncertainty in their eyes. They agreed to the promise they knew they would never be able to accomplish. They didn't even know where to start! But if lying was a step closer to their freedom, then so be it.

After going over the plan once more, Cheshire escorted you to the palace. The trip was mostly quiet, aside from his incessant humming and occasional curious questions about your origins. Cheshire kind of scared you... Although he was quite small compared to everyone else you had met, something about him made him very eerie. Maybe it was the way he smiled so widely, maybe it was his sharp teeth or the way his fearless eyes stared at everyone with a seemingly ghoulish look, but the fact was that he scared you beyond belief.

"Hmm, we're here darling." Cheshire sang in his creepy, mellow voice.

You looked at him briefly and watched him disappear into thin air without so much as a goodbye.

You laid under the big tree. The stump was purple and its blue leaves formed a big heart (unsurprisingly), and the soft foliage slowly fell beside you as you tried your best to seem passed out. Soon enough you heard the familiar heavy footsteps and rustling of armor, and you assumed the card Knights were near.

"Miss?" A raspy, deep voice called, as the owner poked you with his sharp spear.

Classy.

You slowly opened your eyes and pretended to be confused with your surroundings.

"Miss it appears you have passed out. The King requires your immediate presence in the castle."

The faceless card Knight commanded two other Knights to pick you up, and so they did, carrying you to the castle not so gently. Once you were past the big, heavy gates you could see the King anxiously (or furiously, you couldn't quite tell) pacing around the big garden decorating the front of the castle.

"Here she is, my King."

The cards released you roughly, nearly pushing you onto the ground.

"Careful! Idiots!" The King yelled and scurried to help you.

He looked into your fearful eyes, and although he could not recognize emotions to save a life, he could tell something wasn't right.

"Should we go for a stroll? I must talk to you..."

You accepted the King's request by taking the hand he extended to you.

"I-I'm sorry for running away, I shouldn't have done that."

You looked down at the grass as you apologized, too afraid to look him in the eye.

"Do I scare you?"

You stopped dead in your tracks and glanced briefly at the King. His eyes were not evil but showed curiosity and hurt instead.

There was a conflict in you, between wanting to be honest and wanting to keep your head. You flinched suddenly as the King's cold hands held yours.

"Please be honest, if the reply must be yes I promise there will be no consequences..."

You gulped.

"Well... Yes, you do scare me a little."

The King looked at the ground, with an adorably confused expression and scrunched nose.

"I guess I could have guessed that... But please, what scared you? What can I do to... not scare you?"

You were baffled that the tyrant King of this land was willing to change for someone like you.

"You must calm down Seonghwa, the way you yelled at someone because of the roses really scared me... Especially the way you asked to get them killed."

The King looked genuinely confused.

"But darling, don't they look so much better in red? Besides, what am I supposed to do to the incompetent peasants?"

"Well, maybe you could reward the people who do well, so the people who don't do well will work harder!"

The King had a disgusted face as you suggested that.

"My darling they are hardly people..."

You looked at him apprehensively.

"Fine, I'll consider your proposal, but only if you join me for dinner. I want to get to know you better."

"I accept your invitation, I have some questions myself."

The King took your hand and lead you inside the palace and up the slippery marble stairs. Everything in the castle was adorned with gold, and every wall had a painting of the King. Both of your shoes clicked against the floor in a movie-like way as you made your way into the big dining hall, that had all types of expensive-looking food.

"Where should I sit?"

The King stood behind a chair right on the other end of the table.

"Here, of course, opposed to me."

You cocked your head and looked at him as if he was stupid.

"Seonghwa how are we supposed to talk if we're so far away?"

"Hm..." The King thought for a second, tapping his chin with his index finger "Well I suppose you could sit next to me."

You smiled and took a seat next to the one where the King sat. It was pretty obvious from the extravagant, unique chair that it was there where he usually sat to have his meals.

"Well, I don't mean to sound rude but I don't even know your name. What should I call you?"

You watched a frogman served the King a couple of slices of whatever animal was roasted and served in a silver platter in front of you. You hadn't even realized he didn't know your name.

"Y/N, my name is Y/N."

"Oh! What a peculiar name! Tell me, Y/N, what is it that you want to ask me?"

[life-rewritten]

True Beauty; Problematic Bullies and Strained Friendships

Can I just say that these two episodes of true beauty have left me again with so much anger and disappointment? I've just spent the last 30 minutes sighing and shaking my head and cursing some of these stupid, frustrating characters. Now it's not even Soojin I'm cursing surprisingly, I have a different bone to pick with her, and a different perspective, but it's everyone in that stupid school, society, just everyone who switched at the end of episode 12. Now I did see it coming, but the fact that it's the same video of Kyung being treated like an animal that is what got them to switch without any morals or understanding, or pity, is so disgusting to me. I'm left cursing all the people who were Kyung's friend, who supported her and then just left her by her self to deal with this because of pettiness and anger that she lied to them. Make it make sense. The characters in this show sometimes act like one-dimensional puppets just doing whatever is the status quo, robotically seeing someone as of less worth because of their looks, feeling cheated for no reason (like she's not even friends with some of these people) because someone 'ugly' is hiding behind makeup, like what? It doesn't add up. Anyway apart from the focus on bullying which I will be breaking down more, I'm glad to see the tag and social media is less focused on the love triangle and more understanding about Suho now, I mean why not, he's a good boyfriend, but what I actually wanted to praise was the depiction of friendship with Suho, Seyeon and Seojun, and Suho and Seojun's journey in reuniting their bond again. It made me cry a few times, and it was very heartwarming. But it's just depleting my energy, even more, when I have to contrast it with Soojin's downfall. Sigh what a depressing reveal as a villain. Anyway, I have a lot of thoughts so let's get to it.

THE PROBLEM WITH BULLYING

What I like about True Beauty is that it does these interesting foreshadows/mirroring to certain situations that the audience will soon see show up. In episode 11, Suho is broken down and haunted by the reveal of what happened to his best friend however the show fleshes out and gives us more information, and depth to Seyeon as a character and the intense friendship between the three boys. At first, I wondered where this flashback would lead us to; however, I started to notice the similarities, the foreboding trajectory of Kyung's storyline in episode 11/12 to Seyeon's own betrayal and downfall.

Seyeon's story of how he became framed by his bullies once they discovered he was famous is so startling and similar to how JK's ruin takes place. She got immensely known and was put in the spotlight, and then because of a bully and someone she calls a friend; she was also framed differently as being someone who she isn't. The same reasons why Seyeon was attacked was because he lied about who he was, he had a lot of people who loved and admired him, and his reveal betrayed them, he was set up because of coldness, callousness and manipulation. This is the same with Kyung by the end of episode 12.

Let's talk about how True Beauty shows bullying as a focus; We have different characters that are connected, affected and pushed to the brink because of bullying. We also have the bullies some surprising; some just disgusting and frustrating, but also society plays a role in this bullying as well. Let's look at the characters:

Seyeon: Framed and Misunderstood 

First of all, it's heartbreaking to know more about what happened to Seyeon in the past, and it's even painful to know his story ended. From what I'm getting from his life story, Seyeon was quiet, shy, introverted but I think he also was a bully victim. He changed his name to Seyeon when he moved and found Suho and Seojun, and because of them, he learnt to fall more in love with his passion; music. (This is so eerily similar to Kyung changing her past, also finding her own passion and happiness which is makeup). Now he felt alone all his life before this because he was getting bullied and finally he got his debut as a star, and he managed to become more confident, successful and happy.

The problem is his bullies weren't letting go (like the frustrating harpies of Park Se Mi), they decided to make his life hell, so they posted a rumour, that Seyeon wasn't who he said he was (which might be true, he changed his identity probably to run away from the past) but they also made up more about him, they framed him instead as the bullies, and they twisted his story. Because of their actions, and Seoyeon feeling like his past was brought back, when he ran to Suho to ask for help, he felt like Suho believed the news and broke down in despair by himself in anxiety, probably PTSD and depression and he took his life.

Now let's pause there for a minute because we now know how this affected Suho significantly, but this is how True Beauty emphasises the amount of pain, suffering and anxiety Kyung ends up in, in episode 12. The same heartbreak, the same fear, the same worries, and the same comments and people dragging her down because of her looks. Now with Seyeon, as much as I hate cancelling nature, and social media bullying, the reveal that he was a bully, despite it not being real, I can understand some of the reactions people would have against him because as we're seeing, bullies in Korean Culture aren't cute, they're worse than other bullies, they drive people to take their lives with the extent of physical, emotional and psychological harm they inflict on someone. People thinking Seyeon was one of those people is quite shocking and should be called out; however compare this to Kyung's own situation.

Whilst Seyeon was being attacked for a valid reason from society, Kyung was being attacked for being ugly. Like compare causing harm to people by psychologically and emotionally abusing them to not having the perfect face structure, having acne because you were born that way, like compare that to what Seyeon was being blamed for. Does that make sense? And the frustrating thing about it is Kyung has a right to hide if she wants to under makeup, it's not like people have really given her a choice to avoid taking things this way. The upsetting thing about this is it's not just a picture of Kyung's face that is causing this uproar of feeling betrayed. It's not a picture where she seems happy and safe, and her life is unbothered by these things she has to hide. But it's a video of her being treated as less than a human, a video where she is being taunted and spoken to vilely, a video where she's having trash tossed on her, and she's breaking down psychologically and emotionally. A video where she's genuinely being denounced for being born.

It's unsettling. And it's ironic because Seyeon was being attacked and talked about by righteous teens about bullying and being woke about people who do this, but really society just stands by idly and judge someone because they're ugly. Being ugly is apparently enough reason for why bullying is okay, it's enough because she apparently shouldn't be allowed to live her life how she wants, it's so sick, they'd throw pitchforks at Seyeon for being the bully of people but also turn a blind eye and join in with bullying a girl because she doesn't fit their natural standards of beauty? It's sick.  It's unsettling, and it calls out the hypocrisy of people, people who just want to see people lower than them suffer. What gives them the right to speak about Kyung this way? What makes them superior to her? Because they're pretty? Because they don't have acne? Like what is the problem? Why are they so butthurt by her hiding her face with makeup and looking good. I just don't understand it. I'm very emotional about this as you can tell, so I'm going to have to move on, I just wanted the parallel of Seyeon and Kyung's storyline to be noticed.

Kyung; Ignored and Betrayed

Let's focus on Kyung in episode 11/12. She goes through her normal anxiety and worries, and at first, she doesn't communicate her fears to Suho. But I have to say that Kyung was starting to realise that she couldn't be paralysed by her PTSD. Actually, she bravely goes to Soojin to confess about Suho which I was so proud of her for, but she also goes back to save Hyemi from her bullies despite her anxiety and worry she'll get found out. Her concern was valid, stopping Semi was going to put a target on her back, and also Hyemi betrayed her before, so she has every right to feel some kind of way towards her. However, despite that, Kyung stood up for someone else in her position again. And it's something that I love about her, and I think she'll probably find her dream job doing, later on, we've seen her do this with Gowoon and help her come of her anxiety and depression and put makeup on her to get confidence and sing in front of people.

We saw her protect Hyemi this episode; I'm sure that's what she'll do in the future is help girls like her who feel the same broken, fear, and pain at how they were born. She'll be someone who stands up and helps them regain their confidence like Selena did for her. It's really inspiring and wonderful to see her find that passion slowly and make her dreams come true in that way. Kyung helping Hyemi shows her character, and she could have been like these slimy people and try and get revenge or be annoyed at her forever, but she just walks away and lets her be and prevents her from ending up in the same state she was in, in episode 1.  The sad, painful truth is Kyung has been proven right, why she was so afraid to trust people, to tell people about who she really was, why she struggled with trusting Suho with the information, people are fickle, and they switch based on shallow things, like appearance, popularity, money etc. Kyung's friends proved to her that she was right to not trust them with it, even Soojin who was meant to be her helping hand sat there (I mean she's the person who caused it) but she sat there and watched Kyung deal with her break down. It's just so messed up.

Hyemi; Forced and Tormented

Speaking of Hyemi, Hyemi also showed the same reasons for why Kyung has been so scared and worried about everything; these bullies are so weird, they make it their life goal to keep someone as their victim under this messed up of form of slavery and ownership. Hyemi ran away after feeling guilty of what happened to Kyung, she reported Semi and her harpies and tried to restart her life. Like Kyung, however, she got caught immediately, and we see what would have happened if Kyung hadn't leaned in heavily to makeup at the start. She won't be able even to walk the streets without those bullies finding her and getting her back under their abuse. And it's so disgusting. Semi is so worrying as a person; sometimes I feel like she deserves jail for all the pain she causes to people. She takes pleasure in breaking people down because she's afraid they'd take away her spotlight? I don't really understand this type of need for power, but it's disgusting. As much as Hyemi disappointed me in episode 1, she has no choice like Kyung but to betray her friend because it's soul-crushing the type of bullying, her and Kyung go through because of these girls. She has no choice in the matter because even when she tries to do good, they find her and they make her life even more hellish, and because she's 'ugly' as people keep saying, no one helps her, like with Kyung. They sit by and watch and say she deserves it. And the one person who does help every time has also been transformed because of her own bullying situation. And it's again heartbreaking.

Soojin; Regressed and Transformed

So remember how I said that Soojin is not who I'm cursing by the end of this episode. I'm so angry and upset at her; I was also disappointed with the writing because it's basic and I detest girl hate. Soojin's character has now been ruined officially; there's no way she can come back from her actions this episode. She's become essentially like Semi, and it's painful to watch. First of all, she tried to pretend things were okay in episode 11, she did try, but her feelings and her reliance on Suho was more critical, and as much as I hate her, I can understand her desperation.

Suho is the only person who knows and can help her with her own bullying situation. She's being even more bullied harshly by her own father, she's also being psychologically, emotionally and physically tormented and she can't escape this person. It's haunting. And it's heartbreaking because she doesn't truly have friends (apart from Kyung) because she's always the one people rely on (like Suho), she's put in this state of always being the person who defends, and fights, and protects and does what's right. Her life is seen as privileged, and great, and wealthy, and she has everything even the looks that Kyung desperately suffers because of. She's always had to rely on her strength and her self and her brains, but when she's broken and exhausted and needs someone to run to; Suho was that person, and now Kyung was making Suho not be able to be that person.

Her mindset is ruined because she can't find anyone else to turn to, her father is just as influential as Suho's father and the school won't protect her from him and need her good grades to stay with the reputation they seek, no adult can defeat her father, and so she's stuck. It's so worrying, watching her run into her room and she couldn't escape him because he was pounding on the door determined to enter and hit her more. And her mother is spineless and lets it happen, so Soojin is the most broken character and the most alone out of everyone in the show. Kyung is going through a lot of trauma, and her situation is so messed up but Kyung at the end of the day has Suho, she has Seojun as well, though she doesn't know the extent, she has her family even though her mum is not the best, she has her dad, her sister etc. Soojin has no one to run to. Kyung can't do anything to help her with the situation, and Kyung is taking away the one thing that probably could help her in her opinion.

Everyone is quick to hate and judge Soojin but her character arc makes sense because at the end of the day there is really no other place to run to, to avoid regressing into self-harm (washing her hands till they bleed and crack) but to put that pain on others, to feel resentment, jealousy, anger and desperation to get rid of an obstacle. Sadly, she had to endure this torment and become a shell of her self because she's now going to take it too far and it won't be forgivable if she keeps on making Kyung feel like she shouldn't be alive. It won't be right no matter what. And we see how far she can go by her actions in episode 12. She may be the typical second lead female we wanted her not to be, but she's written well, and her trajectory makes sense. I just hope she reforms before it's too late.

So bullying is a big deal in True Beauty, it's what's really causing all our characters to spiral into the trauma and pain they are in. Suho and Seojun may not be bullied, but they're co-products of it, by losing Seyeon they also had to suffer because of what bullying does. In a world where the adults aren't truly dependable, are more distracted by the need for reputation, status and fame, and act inhumanely when it comes to the suffering of these teens, who could really help our characters? They're all going through their pain and trauma alone and being pushed to the point of seeing life as futile and empty. Everyone in true beauty is a victim of this callous society and adults. And it's unsettling.

THE FRIENDSHIPS THAT WERE STRAINED

But this post is also about friendship. One thing that also was mirrored was the importance of friendship; if the teens all join together to protect their peers, if they all show unity and love and understanding to someone, they could save a life. Friendship apart from Kyung's was really great to see. However, there was a parallel with Suho and Seojun and Kyung and Soojin. I also wanted to say the annoying implications that women friendships have to always to be this way is frustrating; women aren't always conniving and manipulative and fickle when it comes to love, it's sad to see Suho and Seojun discuss so happily and calmly about liking the same girl and in the same episode watch Kyung break down and be brutally betrayed because Soojin liked the same guy as her. Like what message are you putting out? More on the bromance of Seojun, Suho and Seyeon. I find it fascinating because for so long, I wondered why this friendship was so important, like why these three are so tied to each other. But after episode 11 to 12, it's obvious. Like I said these three had had their own volatile situations that made them feel all alone and empty even Seojun actually and finding each other was what ignited their passion for life and brought them happiness and joy. Let me explain more in each character's pov.

Suho; Neglected and Withdrawn

Suho had struggled with a father figure and resentment at the whole world, he had to become self-providing basically and had no emotional support. It's so lonely to hear him talk about how alone he was from a very young age, his father was already distant from him (neglectful probably couldn't handle the mother's death but he also was cheating, so it's a bit ironic), he had no one to live with, and he had to take care of himself alone. But also there was resentment for his father because of the paparazzi tormenting him when he was younger, he felt suffocated by the reputation, popularity and status of his father and his father wasn't there to help him with that. You could say it's because Suho pushed him away, but no it's still a duty as a father to fight to come in and spend time with your son, to ask how he's doing, to check in on him in his house like how has he never once tried to force Suho to spend time with him and communicate their differences? Sigh.

So anyway the reason why Suho needed Seyeon and Seojun is because it was the first time he had people to run to and talk to, and it ignited this passion in him to do something he loves. Music. It's actually depressing when we see his phone in episode 12, he has no contacts apart from Kyung, his father, and maybe the high school guy—like Suho had no one for a long time until he met Kyung again.  But we also see his transformation in this episode, because he's more animated, lively, happy because yes Kyung and him are in love but also because Seojun is back into his life. Seojun and him basically reunite. Despite teasing and acting gruff and emotionless with each other, (because they've been separated for a while) they finally have each other again, they're still close. They still care for each other immensely; they're each others priority. And it's so sweet to watch despite the one painful thing about Seojun having feelings for Kyung.  But even then Seojun staying over at Suho's house and them laughing, and fighting and acting up, even Kyung noticed how different Suho had become. And I don't know it just made my heart warm. So that's what friendship was for Suho, he had two people who he was devoted to, who made him want to have something in life and be trusting again of people. They cared for him and nurtured him in their own way and helped him feel not alone. So congrats to Suho and Seojun reuniting.

Seojun; Responsibility and Pressure

  And now Seojun is a fascinating character. I tend to avoid analysing him because he's always happy, has a comfortable lifestyle; good friends, a good mum, a sister who cares about so much, etc. His life apart from the angst with Seyeon is so problem-free. He doesn't need to be jealous or sad, or traumatised because he's in a suitable environment mentally and he also is a good person. But let's go back to the past before Seyeon's demise. Seojun probably also felt alone and empty. Let me explain Seojun mentions that he used to envy Suho because of his wealth, his father in his life and his reputation. This makes us realise what Seojun thought he lacked, he apparently struggled a bit with poverty and not always having everything; he also didn't have a father figure in his life. In fact, we praise how good he is as a son, but it must have been so difficult to become the responsible man of the house as we put it when he was younger, one he had to worry about his mum's health, and take care and provide for her, two, he had to take care and protect his sister hence why he's so protective, he had a lot of responsibility on his shoulders to deal with.

And I think the one time he felt free and happy at first was probably when he made music with Suho and Seyeon. Because he doesn't have to think about responsibilities, or how to help his mum and more, so that's probably what he gained from their friendship a place to just be a teen and have fun. Obviously it's revealed, Suho helped his mom when she was ill, and that was heartwarming again to find out because these three were so protective and caring for each other, so loyal and bonded, and I think it's precious to see that. Obviously, after Seyeon's downfall, Seojun was resentful, angry and frustrated and he joined his gang of new friends, and they're so sweet, and just as devoted to him, it also made him more rebellious and more prone to fights because he had anger to let out but also his mum started to get better, so he was still frustrated and depressed about the circumstances but he had somewhere else to fall on, his new friends and his taking his anger out when he could. The only thing that probably was very hurtful more than just Seyeon was choosing to give on his dreams for music. However now he and Suho have reunited I think his music will come back, that passion is between him and Suho, and it's their dream.

Seyeon; Alone and Afraid

And well from my analysis you know what these two meant to Seoyeon, his letter is so heartbreaking and also beautiful because like they were all he had. And they just helped him find that confidence, that passion for life and companionship that he needed. And it's so sad he's not still with them. However Seyeon was truly a victim, and because of his influence on both Suho and Seojun, it's why they'd be able to help Kyung deal with everything she has to deal with in the next episodes. Because of Seoyeon, and also because his sister is the same as Kyung, Seojun is very protective and determined to prevent more losses in his life. Suho was at the rooftop and helped Kyung, stayed by her side and understood her when she had no one else making her feel loved for who she was because of Seyeon's effect on him. He also was determined not to have someone else end up in that situation. Because of this, they both will be able to help her get through it, and that's why I'm not as frightened or worried about her because she has these two great guys who won't stand back and let her do this on her own.

As much as true beauty is about a love triangle  between these three, it's also a really touching friendship between all of them. Kyung becomes like the weird replacement (not really) for Seyoeon because she brings back that passion and zeal into these two's lives, and she provides a companionship to them that is different from others, they also do the same for her. So I'm delighted despite the heartbreaks and loss that they found each other, I'm glad they're friends at the end of the day, they care about each other a lot, and even if Seojun somehow ends up the third wheel and the one that's left out a bit, I'm glad that his friendship with Kyung and Suho is still more important to him than vindictiveness or jealousy. Then again, like I said Seojun compared to Soojin is in a different headspace, environment and has more from life than she does. Her mistakes and her betrayal hurts, but it makes sense, I just hope she grows and changes before it's too late. I hope she finds love, peace and happiness someday. Everyone deserves that.

[passivenovember]

Enclosures.

Harringrove April, Day Ten : Peaches.

--

Steve's gig at White River State Park is, more a less, glorified babysitting.

The hiring manager insisted that the Indianapolis Zoo was in the game of education first, and even though Steve would be working with kids between the ages of four and eleven, escorting them around the park and providing answers to stupid questions and Band-Aids for skinned knees, it wouldn't be juice keggers with kids all year.

Because during the off months, when the city scape was covered in layers of snow, Steve would get to wander the grounds with his favorite activity bag, post up under a shady awning in the jungle, and feed the fruit bats.

So that's why he took the job.

Zoo Academy Monday through Wednesday and vibes on December weekends. Moments of solitude doing the job every keeper wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole. 

That was the deal. 

Written in stone, as far as Steve is concerned. This is what he was put on this Earth--

“You’re doing it wrong.” 

Steve nearly drops the slice of mango in his hand, starling when that deep, husky voice cuts through the air like a machete in the jungle. 

“Fuck.” Steve wipes his hands on his pants, turning to face. 

A new keeper. 

Dressed in standard fatigues. Tan overalls and goulashes, ham radio crackling like desert heat against his waist. 

New Keeper points to the ring of wire in Steve’s hand, mimicking the way he’s been feeding slices of fruit over thick, unruly steel. “Takes too long if you do it that way,” He says.

But, listen. “I’ve always done it this way.” 

“So?”

“I was taught to do it this way.” 

New Keeper shuffles up to the cave entrance, leaning his forearms on the steel barrier that keeps Steve’s bats from dive-bombing kids and grandmas. 

He’s wearing aviators, so Steve can’t see his eyes, but. New Keeper gives him the once over--

Steve is 85% sure--

Before spitting a wad of saliva on the ground next to Steve’s boot. “Who taught ya to string the fruit like that, pretty boy?”

“I’m not.” Steve shouldn’t be flushing deep red. He shouldn’t be salivating. “I’m not--”

“Was it Rachel?” And New Keeper says it with so much malice. Like, “None of these keepers are worth the paper their degree is printed on, I swear--”

“It wasn’t--”

“Y’know I caught Travis in Rhino Valley trying to give food as positive reinforcement?” New Keeper shakes his head, neck muscles chording dramatically. “Everyone knows they take better to physical affection as a reward, alright?”

“Yeah, I mean--”

“Everyone knows that.” New Keeper concludes, watching as Steve’s head bounces around frantically. 

“Everyone knows that.” Steve agrees.

Fucking idiots. 

New Keeper’s mouth ticks up at one corner, almost like he could laugh if he wasn’t busy dealing with his own body. Ripping biceps and pectorals that should pop the seams on his overalls when New Keeper rolls his spine. 

“They told me you’re in charge of the bats.” Steve feels those eyes on him again, head to toe and back up again. “That true?”

Steve shrugs, fiddling with his name badge. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Don’t sound so sure.”

“Yeah, well, I mean.” He gestures to the line of steel rings that have been there, permanently, for as long as anyone can remember. “If I’ve been doing it wrong the whole time I don’t wanna claim ownership.”

New Keeper grunts, like. 

The salt of the earth, red blooded American asshole he is. He tips the aviators, letting them slide down his nose until blue eyes. The bluest Steve has ever fucking seen, pin him in place. 

“You’re not a keeper, are ya?”

Steve tries not to get lost. “Well. No, I’m--”

New Keeper turns to face him, clasping his wrists together and allowing his chest to. Puff. Distract, holy shit, when his biceps follow suit. 

Steve tries to tear his eyes away. 

Fails. 

“What do you do then?”

Steve watches a bead of sweat trail from jawline to collarbone, just. Ruining his life. He blinks owlishly. “Sorry, what?”

New Keeper is almost smiling. “Your job. What kinda.” His tongue flicks out to wet. Pretty, red lips. “Services. Do you provide.”

Steve realizes, distantly, that they’re flirting. 

And.

He’s familiar with the concept, alright, but. Steve’s never flirted while wearing hiking boots covered in goat shit, so. 

He gestures to his name tag. 

The goofy, pixilated staff picture of him and a title beneath that reads; Zoo Academy : Supervisor. Steve wonders if it’s obvious that he works with kids, given the plethora of googly-eyed animal stickers covering the majority of his name tag’s plastic casing.

New Keeper whistles low, removing his aviators entirely, and.

Tugging.

Steve forward by his title. Eyes glowing bright. 

“Kinda training you get over in the Education Department teach you anything about fruit bats, princess?”

Steve sorts through the absolute trough alphabet soup flooding his brain. Opens his mouth and closes it again, when. New Keeper rubs the pad of his thumb along the largest, most gaudy of the animal stickers. 

New Keeper raises his eyebrow and Steve. 

Jolts into motion. “No. Um. I have CPR training, and. First aid training.” Steve lets himself be tugged forward again. Just close enough to smell the mix of Earth and Hay that all the keepers have clinging into their skin, and. 

Cologne.

Heady and sweet, underneath all that. He blinks again, trying to clear his head as New Keeper smiles at him.

Really smiles.

For the first time.

Steve nods. “I work with shitheads.”

He isn’t expecting it, when. New Keeper laughs. Loud and sudden, and. So warm. Startling the fleet of bats that have come by looking for their afternoon peaches. 

“Tell me about it. They stick you on Bat Duty without any training?” New Keeper nods, finally, finally, releasing Steve from the weird spell he’s put him under. He turns, gesturing to box of fruit at their feet. “I’m gonna have to remedy that, pretty boy.”

Steve nods, like. “Steve.” Before sticking his hand out.

New Keeper nods it away. “Billy. Your training starts on Friday.”

Billy puts his aviators on and.

Starts to walk away.

Kicking up a cloud of that woodsy, delicious scent. Steve scrambles after him. “Okay, training. Friday.”

They round the corner into the section of the jungle that houses a waterfall. The biggest, most breathtaking in the Midwest.

New Keeper keeps on walking. “Yup, see you then.”

“Yeah, listen Keeper Man--”

“Billy.”

Steve runs into a wall of muscle, shying away from the pair of hands that steady him. 

He nods. “Billy.” Cheeks flaming bright red as New Keeper smiles, soft and sweet. Steve runs a hand through his hair. “Don’t take this the wrong way, and like. I totally want to do what’s best for the animals, especially the fruit bats, but. I don’t think I need any training.”

Billy looks him over again. Up and down. “I beg to differ, Bambi.”

“Yeah, I--”

“Won’t have any untrained preschool teacher working with my animals.” Billy says. Matter-of-fact, like, “No matter how annoyingly cute they are.”

Cute. 

It hits Steve like an under-ripe peach to the back of the head. He shuffles, nervously, before puffing out his chest, and. Deflating again, when Billy raises his eyebrows. 

“Just what am I doing wrong, exactly?”

Billy removes his sunglasses, rolling his neck. “You got an hour?”

Steve smiles sharply. “Gimme the basics.”

“Alright, pretty boy.” Billy stars listing things on his fingers. “Well, first off? You don’t need to peel the fruit. Bats get a lot of their nutrients from the rinds that come on the fruits themselves. If we deplete those nutrients they gotta be replaced another way and I don’t exactly have the time to administer vitamins to four hundred fruit bats, two hundred flying foxes and a handful of pissy vampire--”

“Alright, got it.” Steve sucks his teeth, because. The fruit comes like that. Ends up in the box, along with the steel wire and the gloves he’s supposed to wear but never does, just like that. Sans peel. 

Billy grins at him--

Looks him up and down. Steve wishes he’d stop doing that--

Before pointing at his feet. “Doc Martens are not work boots.”

Steve looks down. Around. “What’s wrong with my docs?”

“Nothing,” Billy shrugs, like, “They’re fine if you spend all day dragging screaming brats around the zoo. Answering questions and painting booger-stained cheeks, but. They aren’t work boots. Aren’t keeper boots.”

Steve doesn’t understand. “I’m not a keeper,” He says, because. As much time as he’s spent in the jungle. Learning about the animals and feeing his bats, Steve. 

Isn’t.

He wishes he could be, but. 

Billy shrugs again, massive shoulders drawing Steve’s attention. “No, you aren’t a keeper. Not yet, anyway.”

Steve turns the words over in his mind, trying to discover the meaning. 

Billy tugs on Steve’s nametag again. “See you Friday, pretty boy.” He drawls, and then. 

He’s gone.

Steve makes a note to stop at Cabella’s on his way home.

[obxcunt]

Love bites || (1)

pairing: jj maybank x reader [eventually] || rafe cameron x reader [currently]

warnings: smut, death, cursing, drugs, alcohol, typos.

summary: it was supposed to be a good summer for you, the last one in the obx before going to college, the last one with your friends and family. Unfortunately, a sudden and mysterious death is about to completely change your life, pushing you directly into a brand new world and into a very sexy vampire’s arms.

A/N: i’ve been obsessed with vampires for a while, also started rewatching buffy recently. I really wanted to give you guys some vampire shit since i was in the mood for it. This is part one of my new series, let me know what you think, all characters are 18+.

masterlist || part two

“Today, we are still looking for the animal who brutally killed a teenage boy on Friday night, around midnight. The police department is asking our citizens to be extremely vigilant. A curfew might be installed for the next few days, until the end of the police’s researches—"

“Jesus…” Your mother murmured, turning off the tv. “This is scary, how are we supposed to feel safe right now?” You sighed, looking at the delicious meal in front of you, your fork wandering through it. “This thing, could be anywhere—” She paused. “Well, probably not on Figure Eight. I feel so bad for this family, maybe we should do something for them—”

“Like, what?” Your father asked, frowning. “Are you going to make them a cake with: I’m genuinely sorry about your son’s death?” He grabbed the wine, again. “Leave them alone, we already have someone to handle here.”

You rolled your eyes, taking the hint. “Alright, can you guys stop doing this?” You asked, dropping your utensils, the sounds making your mother jump. “I’m literally sitting next to you.” You father sighed, drinking and looking away. “I’m fine.”

“Well, you won't leave this goddamn house until they catched that thing.” Your father stated. “It's too dangerous.”

Your eyes widened. “Wait, what?” You laughed nervously, glancing back and forth between your parents. “You can't be serious! I— I’m not gonna stay here all summer. I have plans, with my friends and—” You turned to your mother, seeking support. “Mom, please!”

She sighed, looking down. “It's only for the nights, sweetheart.” You father groaned, focusing on his meal. “Come on, it's her last summer before going to college.”

“But, wait!” You said, realization hitting you. “I won't be able to party with my friends then—” You father laughed, pointing at you with the knife he had in hand. “That's not fair—”

“That's right, no more parties for you.” He said. “I’d love to know what you were doing on The Cut, the other night. Since when is my daughter hanging out with Pogues?” You sighed, throwing the napkin before leaving the table.“Where do you think you're going?”

“In my room!” You shouted, walking towards the door. “Is it good enough for you? It's on Figure Eight, after all.” You turned around, crossing your arms. “I’m old enough to choose my friends, aren't you tired of judging them?” He rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed. “I wasn't even hanging out with Pogues on Friday night. I was with Rafe, Topper and… Kelce.”

“Right.” He said, wiping his mouth. “Then tell me, what were you doing? If you were hanging out with them, how did you not see—”

“I already told you!” You shouted, losing your composure. “I was with Rafe, we were walking back to his car, we both wanted to leave.” Your mother sighed, drinking. “Whatever, you guys never believe me anyway.”

“Y/N…” Your mother trailed off.

“Probably because you're constantly lying and hiding things!” Your father added, and at this point you knew it was better for you to leave the room.

“I learned from the master himself.” You said, before exiting the kitchen, ignoring him. “Cheating asshole...” You murmured on your way to your bedroom.

It’s true, you were supposedly going to leave with Rafe that night, when you both left the boneyard. However, as soon as you both entered the truck: you magically ended up riding the Kook boy, under the influence.

“Shit-” He moaned, his hands slightly bruising your hips as you bounced on his dick, holding on his shoulders for dear life. “Fuck, Rafe!” You cried, bare chest pressed against his, moaning close to his ear: the sound driving him crazy. His hands moved, caressing your body, his eyes shutting down in a soft whine. You moaned loudly, head falling backwards, giving him enough space to kiss your chest. “Fuck— You feel so good, Y/N.” He said, pounding into you harder, the movement making you fall on him again. You smiled against his neck, ready to answer him before hearing a scream, the sound ruining the moment. “Wait, wait, wait—” You said, panic taking over you. You moved, your back hitting the steering wheel, making Rafe laugh. “What's wrong, Y/N?” He asked, the both of you panting as your hands moved along his toned chest. “You heard that, right?” You asked, the moonlight barely lighting his features through the fogged windows. “Well, of course.” He said, smirking. “I think everyone heard you.” You sighed, smacking his sweaty skin. “I’m serious, Rafe! Someone bloody screamed outside.” He nodded, kissing your forehead. “Relax, baby. It's probably just people messing around.” You weren't convinced by that. “Hey, i’m gonna check, okay?” He said, feeling bad as soon as you started biting your nails. You nodded, moving back to the passenger seat, putting your clothes on. “I’m coming with you.” You opened the door, quickly running to him. “I don't think it's a good—” You held his hand, shutting him off. You both walked around the deserted place, approaching the woods, searching through the darkness, the cold air and a bunch of noises giving you goosebumps. “Wait, what's that?” Rafe asked, stopping along the way to the beach, noticing a body laying on the ground. “Rafe—” You felt your heartbeat increasing, letting go of his hand. “Stay behind me, Y/N.” He said, swallowing hard and approaching it. “Holy shit.” You murmured, covering your mouth as tears emerged from the corner of your eyes, recognizing Kelce’s face, strange marks covering his neck. “Call the cops, Y/N.” Rafe murmured, panic slowly invading him as well. “Go back to the fucking car and call someone, Y/N!” He shouted, kneeling down next to his friend’s body. You walked backwards, almost tripping over something before running back to his truck. You opened the door in a rush, searching for a cellphone. “Shit—” You murmured, shaking as you composed the number. “911, what's your emergency?” A woman asked. “I— My name is Y/N/ L/N, we need an ambulance or the cops, anyone—” You paused, breathless. “Okay, slow down, can you explain to me, what's going on?” “We found a dead body, on our way to the beach, it's our friend—” You suddenly paused, hearing a noise behind you, the sound making you turn around in a silent scream, your eyes scanning the environment in panic, heart pounding against your chest. “Ma'am, are you okay? Can you hear me?” The woman asked, still waiting on the phone. “Shit, I—” You breathed in and out, trying to contain the urge to cry. “We need help, right now, please!”

You turned on the lights, entering your bedroom and closing the door behind you, laying against it in a sigh. You looked over the window, familiar sounds catching your attention: a few knocks, followed by whispers. You moved towards it, a bit anxious as you pulled up the curtains: relaxing as soon as you recognized Rafe’s face.

“What are you doing here, Rafe?” You asked, opening the window and watching the tall boy coming inside. “I’m pretty sure we still have a front door.” You added, closing it.

“You're not answering my calls or texts—” He paused, running a hand through his hair. “I was worried.”

“I’m really sorry, Rafe.” You simply replied. “I— I wasn't in the mood to talk. Things have been pretty crazy lately, especially since—” You sighed, crossing your arms. “Kelce's death and the funeral.”

“I missed you, a lot.” He admitted, surprising you. “I know we are not dating or anything but—” You looked down for a second, a bit embarrassed. “We are still friends, right? I missed my friend.” He cleared his throat, fleeing your gaze. “Anyway, we are having lunch at my house tomorrow, everyone is going to be there. It's for Kelce, do you—”

“I’ll come, of course.” You cut him off, giving him a tiny smile.

“Promise me to be careful, out there.” He said, hands cupping your cheeks. “I already lost one of my best friends.” He tried to kiss you, craving your softness but you moved, making this awkward. “Wow, okay...” He said, laughing nervously.

“Fuck, Rafe—” You sighed, rubbing your face. “I— I can't do this right now. It's too much. My parents are on my back constantly, you probably should leave before they—”

“Your parents love me, Y/N!” He said, sighing as you refused to match his enthusiasm. “Okay, it's fine. I can’t stay any longer, Topper is parked in the street, waiting for me. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“That's very sweet.” You said, pushing up on your toes and kissing his cheek, the action making him blush right away. “Be careful, alright? Stay on Figure Eight, it's safer apparently.” He nodded, opening the window himself.

You watched him leave, closing the window behind him as he walked back to Topper’s jeep. Once they were gone, you looked down, noticing a silhouette standing in front of your house, the darkness hiding his identity.

“What the fuck—” You murmured, turning off the lights and shutting down the curtains. A few seconds later, you lifted the curtains a bit, (curiousty teasing you) searching for the stranger’s presence but there was nothing: they were gone.

———————————————————————

A/N: I’m so excited about this series, comment if you want to be add to the tag-list! I’ll post the next part this week!

[yunhos-treasure]

𝐀 𝐖𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥 𝐃𝐚𝐲 ☆ﾐ 𝐣𝐰𝐲

༄𝒔𝒖𝒎𝒎𝒂𝒓𝒚: Wooyoung is so excited to have a day off with his friends and fellow ATEEZ groupmates and does his best to cook something yummy for a Sunday picnic, and everything is so perfect and tasty that it is to die for!

 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: slice of life, fluff and a little surprise at the end.

 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 1,9k

 [𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔]: so... there's something like a plot twist, hehe ٩ (ᐛ) و I'm sorry I can't put it on the tags

𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐬: English is not my first language so I'm sorry if I made some mistakes, I'm still learning.

༺❀༻

For Wooyoung today is definitely a wonderful and beautifully sunny day, perfect to have the best picnic of his life. Anyone who looked at the young man would instantly know that he was more than ecstatic with the big and genuine smile spread across his pretty face.

It was eight in the morning and the black-haired boy was in the kitchen listening to music with his headphones while he happily cooked for himself and his friends.

The sun was streaming in through the window and the rays of it made the young man's dark hair appear to have reddish tones giving it an ethereal touch.

Everyone in the apartment were asleep, and all that could be heard was the sound of cabinet doors and countertop drawers opening along with the the soft humming to the rhythm of the music coming from the kitchen.

Wooyoung made sandwiches, prepared orange juice and lemonade in cute glass bottles, and also made cupcakes with strawberries and kiwis with cream for dessert, as well as put fruits cut into animal shapes in small tuppers.

As he thought about what might be missing for the picnic, he realized that he didn't know where the baskets and blankets were even though Seonghwa had packed the baskets yesterday and told him at least three times where he had kept them, but Wooyoung was too busy playing with San that all he did was say “Yes, yes, I know! You don't have to say it so many times, I'm not going to forget it.”, without really listening to what the older man had said.

And there he was, trying to remember what the blonde told him without succeeding so he started looking all over the place.

“Basket, basket.... Where are you, basket?” He called out as if the basket was a puppy that could run to him.

After several unsuccessful attempts, he thought about talking to Seonghwa but the fear that Hongjoong would scold him for being so careless made him retract and decided to go back to looking in the first places where he had looked at the beginning: because for some unknown reason things are always in the first place they seemed not to be.

And he was right. With a victorious smile he took the baskets and ran to put them on the table to start packing the food and drinks, then grabbed eight glasses and put them away along with a couple of pastel napkins.

With excitement he went to his room to change his clothes and take the opportunity to wake up San and Jongho, who seemed reluctant to get up, mainly San who hugged his Shiber plushie tighter. The raven-haired boy smirked and uncovered him, then grabbed the other boy by the ankles to drag him off the bed, but the latter grabbed onto the bed as hard as he could while he screamed in a high-pitched voice.

“Let me and my son Shiber sleep in peace!”

But Wooyoung didn't care and while he laughed in an outrageously way he kept pulling him. Jongho, who shared a room with those two got up disheveled and in a bad mood. All the noise made it impossible for him to stay more time in that room and before leaving he let out a groan of annoyance as he went to the bathroom.

“Why do I feel like I'm the oldest in this place?”  

Due to the noise, the others began to wake up, but not before cursing Wooyoung and San mentally, like every day.

Little by little the place began to fill with the noise of the voices of the other boys, and the doors of their rooms opening and closing.

San struggled to get up, grabbed a pillow and started hitting Wooyoung on the head while the shorter one laughed like a maniac, his laughter was contagious and the pink haired boy started laughing too.

Hongjoong walked into the room with his face half pale and his hands slightly shaking, he looked at the two boys and told them to hurry up and go to the living room.

San and Wooyoung looked at each other with concern before getting done, and heading to the room where the others were already, waiting for Jongho to come out of the bathroom so they could enter and wash.

In the living room Hongjoong and Seonghwa were talking in whispers in the corner, their expressions looked worried while Mingi and Yunho commented on what they would do at night when they returned home and Yeosang looked at them with an empty expression, it was Sunday and definitely too early in the morning to join an actual conversation, though it's not like he's very talkative after all.

Jongho came out of the bathroom and went to look for something in the living room, where he accidentally overheard a bit of the conversation of the older boys in the group.

“[...] and that's why I'm telling you not to worry, Hongjoong. Today will be a great day, it is impossible for a bad dream to come true and there is no point in staying locked up at home. So coming with us to a picnic will not kill you.” half consoled and half joked the older.

The leader just nodded and agreed, laughing a little and realizing that in reality the situation was absurd, dreams are only dreams and nothing else, no matter how real they may seem.

He just needs to go out and clear himself up a bit and it would be much better if it's with the people he cares the most, so he's more than determined to go out thanks to Seonghwa's persuasion.

The youngest continued on his way to his room to change his clothes without giving much thought.

The other boys ran to the bathroom, and then to their rooms to put on clothes suitable for the day.  When everyone was ready, San asked Hongjoong what was wrong with him because he was still worried because the older one had looked very strange today when he went to talk to them, and he only answered that he had slept very little and had a nightmare, and that he only needed a little air and he would feel better already, which calmed everyone present who had also noticed Hongjoong's state but hadn't said anything before.

───── ❀ ◦ ❀ ◦ ❀ ─────

The trip was full of laughter, music and talk, it really was a very beautiful day and it was getting better and better, all the unnecessary worries of the morning and days gone by were left behind, without leaving room for anxiety or stress. This break was exactly what they needed and they knew it.

The weather was sunny but it wasn't hot at all, everyone were wearing light clothes without being so summery because every so often a small cold wind ran that gave you chills, and with the warmth of the sun's rays they were the perfect contrast wich feels like a good sensation against the skin.

They arrived at the planned place and got out of the van, while they stretched they observed the beauty of Mother Nature that surrounded them and the peace that only she can transmit.

It looked like a scene out of a Studio Ghibli movie with soft colored flowers, the trees gave beautiful shadows perfect to sit under them and the wind swayed the grasses from time to time but without being annoying. There was also a small stream with transparent cold water and you could heard the sound of the water running and hitting the stones at the same time that you could also hear the songs of birds, cicadas and some frogs. It was fresh and peaceful.

Wooyoung threw himself on the grass and started rolling followed by a very excited Yunho, Mingi, and San. Seonghwa and Yeosang were looking at them with expressions of 'I'm judging you intensely', but they secretly wished to do the same.

Jongho and Hongjoong looked for the baskets and blankets and then began to set up the picnic and take photos as if they were in an impromptu photoshoot to save memories and upload a couple to Twitter for their beloved Atinys, to which the other boys also joined and took photos with them. Some turned out fine and others... well, some were blurry or someone would always appear in the back with a derp expression causing the photos to be ruined, but it was funny so no one complained and they just continued to enjoy each other's company.

“We should have more days like this.” Mingi said with a huge and sweet smile as he collected flowers and put them in his hair to take pictures. Everyone agreed with what the tall boy had said and Yunho imitated his friend by putting flowers in his hair as well and they both challenged the other to a duel over who would get the most likes on his posts.

“Guys ... I spent a lot of time preparing the food, why don't we start eating at once?”

An annoyed Wooyoung said while taking a sandwich and starting to eat, his friends laughed and ate with him. All the food tasted very good and they all thanked the boy for putting so much effort into this day and taking care of them.

“Why don't we toast Wooyoung's delicious food and our friendship?” San suggested, breadcrumbs on his cheeks that made him look adorable.

Yeosang took the glasses that were still stored in the basket, served them all lemonade and orange juice, and smiled as he said playfully.

“Everyone, consider this an act of charity on my behalf”

The other members started saying things to him and he just laughed as he raised his glass and toasted the others.

No one noticed how Wooyoung did not even take a sip of the juice and simply put it on the blanket on the ground, while looking at the sky, it was very clear and beautiful, everything was so calm and the wind began to sway the leaves of the tree over his head causing the sun to hit his face, when he looked down at the ground his friends looked strange.

The black-haired man looked at them more closely and their pupils were excessively dilated. Hongjoong was choking and struggling for air while a worried Seonghwa tried to help him but felt nauseous and with drowsy legs he tried to run to vomit, Jongho was confused and his brain couldn't process anything that was happening around him, Yunho had a hand pressed on his heart which was beating very fast while Mingi was lying on the ground motionless, not even breathing and San was trying to wake up Mingi with a dry mouth and a really bad bellyache.

Yeosang looked at Wooyoung, who was perfectly fine, as he tried to speak.

“Woo.... Wo.... Young... What... did you do to us?”

But he never got an answer before his joints completely stop working and he drops with a dry sound just like his other friends.

The black-haired boy took a cupcake and calmly ate it, ignoring the seven lifeless bodies of his friends because for Wooyoung today is definitely a wonderful and beautifully sunny day, perfect to have the best picnic of his life. Anyone who looked at the young man would instantly know that he was more than ecstatic with the big and genuine smile spread across his pretty face.

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! characters and their fave musicals

pretty much an hc’s for funsies type of thing. which characters are absolute nerds for musicals and which ones couldn’t care less? i know not everyone likes musicals but if this is your thing, feel free to read! 

Hinata: he’s one of those people who watched Shrek the Musical unironically and ended up getting really hooked on it but no way is he going to tell anyone

Kageyama: thinks that the Shrek trilogy are counted as movie musicals because ‘the characters sing and everything’. will fall asleep in a theatre so don’t bring him you’ll be disappointed

Tsukishima: loves Avenue Q and The Producers because the humor is right up his alley. also has tASTE and his fave is probs something like Hadestown because it is the best musical. loves to break down the lyrics and listens to an album non-stop when he’s obsessed

Yamaguchi: he tried to watch Grease but ended up throwing popcorn at the tv-screen because of the blatant sexism. yams is not About That. gets his recommendations from Tsukki and has never looked back

Tanaka: likes anything with awesome choreography and really cool special-effects like Hamilton or Be More Chill. when you ask him about the story though he’s like ???

Noya: doesn’t get the concept of musicals. ‘she’s singing about the guy but he’s right there??? doesn’t he hear everything????’ ‘WHY ARE THEY SINGING JUST FIGHT ALREADY’

Ennoshita: also has Taste. watches pretty much anything and loves to keep track of new productions and new casting. if you ask him about his favorite musical he’ll probably specifically mention the cast and where it was performed

Asahi: y’all are gonna hate me y’all are gonna hate me but JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR haha jk. one hundred percent a Dear Evan Hansen kinda guy because he relates to the main guy’s personality. has waving through a window on repeat

Sugawara: LOVES the classics: Les Miserables, Phantom of the Opera, Miss Saigon. knows every song and movement by heart. sings them everywhere. would not listen to anything else. also Moulin Rouge because he’s one Classy Bitch

Daichi: appreciates any good musical recommended to him but the kind of person who presses ‘shuffle’ when listening to the recording and all the fans around him die inside. does this more than once just for that reaction

Kiyoko: loves anything with awesome female roles, particularly Legally Blonde and Six the Musical. raises an eyebrow at you if you say you like Grease and you land on her list of people she would barely talk to

 Yachi: practically raised on disney movie musicals. loves to watch and re-watch videos from Broadway Princess Party a lot. is basically a disney princess herself and loves to put some songs on when she cleans the house. 

Kuroo: one of those people who got really into Hamilton back in the day. would sing the vocals, the back-up vocals, the chorus parts, and hum the intros. says he’s a musical fan but that’s the only one he’s watched/listened to.

Kenma: someone recommended Be More Chill to him (probably tsukki) and he ended up actually liking it. once in a while you’ll hear him humming ‘christiiiiIIiine’ under his breath. likes to listen to michael in the bathroom at 2 am

Yaku:  hates musicals ever since Nekoma had a movie night and then decided to watch Lion King and lev dead-ass lifted him up over his head like what rafiki did to simba in That Scene. 

Lev: another one who likes disney musicals but like, the basic ones (frozen, tangled, beauty and the beast). mostly because they’re his sister’s favorites tho. has more than once did the whole ‘do you want to build a snowman’ thing with alisa and probably his teammates

Oikawa: thinks that liking Heathers makes him edgy it doesn’t. practically paid hanamaki and matsukawa to sing Candy Store with him and using iwa as veronica. absolutely vibes to the Mean Girls musical

Iwaizumi: a hard High School Musical stan, now and forever. thinks that Ryan and Chad are definitely gay. one time oikawa was giving them a pep talk and said ‘what team?’ and iwa yelled ‘WILDCATS’ and then everybody looked at him because they KNEW they KNEW HE NEVER GOT OVER THAT PHASE-- 

Matsukawa: Cats. The Movie.* wrote a long-ass thread on twitter about why the female cats should be given six boob and tagged Tom Hooper. was blocked.

Hanamaki: *see above. probably had his sexual awakening when he saw Idris Elba as a sexy cat. there’s nothing gendered about a sexy cat

Kyoutani: likes the leather jacket aesthetic in Grease. looked up the lyrics to ‘Greased Lightning’ once and shut off his laptop when he saw the innuendos. may have tried to replicate the choreography at one point but fell off a table

Yahaba: a romantic at heart. has a copy of the West Side Story DvD and loves to sing ‘Maria’ and ‘One Hand, One Heart.’ he and Oikawa love to duet ‘I Feel Pretty.’ also tried to copy the choreography and sUCCEEDED

Ushijima: you’ve taken him to see an array of musicals, from the much-loved classics to the inventive modern musicals. every time, you glance at him hoping for any reaction. he always leaves the theater saying ‘it was good.’ only one musical has managed to make him crack a smile: The Muppets (the movie ver.)

Tendou: another boy with Quality Taste. is a hardcore stan of any musical by Team Starkid (also loves that they’re all on Youtube). makes so many references to them but nobody else understands. will yell ‘TIGERFUCKER TIGERFUCKER’ out of the blue

Shirabu: thinks that La La Land is Peak Taste. got angry when tendou showed him a video of ryan gosling scenes in the movie but it’s all replaced by barry, the bee from Bee Movie. now La La Land is ruined because he keeps on remembering ‘you like jazz?’ in barry’s voice 

Semi: tells you that he just doesn’t watch musicals but he secretly had such a Les Miz phase. writes enjolras x reader fanfics and his longest one was 200k words. if he hears anything that vaguely sounds like ‘do you hear the people sing’, a tear will fall out of the corner of his eye

Goshiki: was looking for slime tutorials one and stumbled on ‘not hamilton just a 2 hr slime tutorial’ y’all kno what i’m talking about and watched the whole thing. was disappointed that there weren’t any slimes but is now into hamilton

Akaashi: knows and understands the peak performance quality and biblical philosophy of Jesus Christ Superstar. doesn’t tell anyone about it though because they all assume its all church music. ‘it’s not’, he sobs. ‘it’s more.’

Bokuto: akaashi recommended Jesus Christ Superstar to him and he watched it, thinking that he’d see jesus playing an electric guitar. he was very disappointed and sulked about it for a week. LOVES disney musicals though

Atsumu: was one of those kids who would look up the Harry Potter Puppet Pals videos on youtube and stumbled in to A Very Potter Musical. ever since jk rowling’s snake side came out he began accepting that fan musical as canon. likes to piss rowling off by posting screenshots of the musical and saying its from the movie

Osamu: the Disney fan but with Quality Taste. loves Hunchback of Notre Dame, Princess and the Frog, Prince of Egypt, and Anastasia (the last two aren’t disney but animated musicals). cries at the sound of Phil Collins’ sultry voice. 

Kita: is in love with Phantom of the Opera because his grandmother loves listening to it. he’d sing THE ENTIRE SOUNDTRACK pretty much every day until his teammates catch him singing in the locker rooms while they were changing AND NAILING ALL OF CHRISTINE’S HIGH NOTES LIKE ITS NOTHING

Terushima: doesn’t like musicals so his friend recommended that he watch The Guy Who Didn’t Like Musicals by Team Starkid because of the crackhead humor. watched Robert Manion perform and ending up going on google and searching ‘does watching men move their hips real nice make me bi?’

Koganegawa:  y’all are gonna be surprised but this one’s a hardcore Wicked fan. has watched all of the different castings of it. he loves to imitate Elphaba’s iconic ‘FIEEEEROOOOOOO’ line in the showers and records it, just to see if he’s close to how it sounds onstage. has Idina Menzel’s autograph

Futakuchi: bitch does nothing but roast everyone else’s musical tastes. hamilton? ‘wow, mainstream much?’ dear evan hansen? ‘psshh, basic.’ be more chill? ‘think you’re edgy or something?’ the greatest show? ‘what are you? five?’ his favorite musical is actually Cats

[withoutmonsters]

Maybe I’m Too Young (to Keep Good Love from Going Wrong)

tags: implied/referenced child abuse, implied/referenced child neglect, a little bit of period typical homophobia, pining, so much pining, post s2, pre-s3

link to ao3

The broccoli sizzled when it hit the hot oil. Steve grabbed a wooden spoon and stirred it, getting all nice and coated in oil, before turning back to his cutting board and finishing chopping the florets. He hummed as he did, a Tears for Fears song that he had heard on the radio on the ride home. The sound of knuckles against a window startled him, and he whipped around. Through the cutout on the wall and the sliding glass doors, Steve could see Billy, smirking like a cat who got the cream and looking like a supermodel. Steve cursed him for surprising him, but crossed out of the kitchen and the living room.

He pulled open the door, glaring a bit. “What the fuck, Hargrove?”

Billy smirked. “What, pretty boy? It’s seven, you should’ve been expecting me.”

Steve glanced at the clock. It was, indeed, seven. “That doesn’t give you carte blanche to just startle me out of nowhere, dick.”

Billy raised an eyebrow. “You do realize that your door was locked and I couldn’t get in, right? I wasn’t trying to startle you.”

Steve huffed, not bothering to give a reply. He knew Billy was right, as Billy was in most things, but that didn’t mean that he liked to admit it.

His friendship with Billy was a strange one. It was made up of equal parts aggression and secrecy. There were so many unspoken words between them that sometimes it felt like it was choking Steve, but he was never going to admit that, especially to Billy. He didn’t know a lot about the other boy, but he treasured what he did know. Like that Billy liked eating vegetables with his meat. If there wasn’t something green on his plate, he’d grumble about it until Steve found some. Steve knew that Billy was constantly licking him lips because they were always chapped. He knew that Billy had three freckles stretched across the expanse of his carotid artery on his neck, lined up like Orion’s Belt. He knew that Billy chewed on his cuticles and that his knuckles were constantly bleeding, not because of fights but because he was perpetually working on the Camaro. He knew that Billy liked his coffee so sweet that it puckered Steve’s lips when he tried it and that Billy would always wear the same three shirts over and over and over again. Steve learned that Billy tied his shoes incredibly tight and would always wrap himself up in about four layers of blankets if he came even remotely close to a bed.

The things that Steve didn’t know about Billy were, somehow, much more than what he did. They seemed to fill up the space around Billy, flooding the air and expanding like some sort of invisible gas. Steve choked on Billy’s secrets sometimes, when Billy showed up at 2 am, battered and hurt and looking like he just lost a fight against a grizzly. Those were the times when Steve had so many words and yet none at all, when he felt like he would suffocate on the lack of his reassurances. Billy never asked for them. All Billy asked for, the first time and all the times since, was a bathroom sink to spread out the first aid supplies he kept in his car. The first time Steve had volunteered his own supplies, Billy had pushed him away until Steve got in his face, eyes locked and mouth hardened in an unforgiving line. He had pulled the same expression he pulled when the party decided to go off and do something so incredibly stupid like venture into demodog infested tunnels just because their friend was in danger. He had worn the authority of his borrowed paternal status, like a mantle on his shoulders, chin held high and head canted like a crown rested on it, and Billy had given in, slumping like Atlas under the weight of the world, bags under his eyes and breath in his chest and he looked, for a moment, like a child, young and sad and so tired that Steve had wanted to wrap him up like a lost kitten and never let him go.

It had only been for a moment. Because the next was ruined with Billy’s words spilling from his mouth, because you could never forget that this was Billy Hargrove, a perpetual snake spewing poison, aggressive and angry and so on fire that sometimes it took Steve’s breath away. Billy burned like a bonfire; he was always so alive, like no one else Steve had ever known. Steve’s life had been a ceaseless suburbia, gray days bleeding into dark nights, and he hadn’t realized how much of it he had missed until Billy had blazed into the school parking lot, Scorpions on blast and an engine roaring like some kind of animal. It was like, through his whole life, Steve had been dreaming, lucid eyes wandering under closed lids, with flashes of decisions that usually ended up with him gripping a bat impaled with nails and waiting for a monster straight out of Dante’s ninth circle coming for him with shark teeth and a flower-petal face and in those moments, he wished with all his ardent heart that he’d lived differently, that he’d changed and loved and hoped and wanted but he never could find the energy to lift a finger when all was said and done and he’d gone home, bruised and tired and feeling a few centuries too old for his body. When it was all over, all Steve was good for was sleeping. Sleeping and waiting like some dragon, sitting on his trove with nostrils open and eyes closed.

And then Billy had been there, looking like a predator, and something had awoken in Steve, flaring to life in his chest and blazing a path through his mind until all he could see was Billy Hargrove, bedroom eyes and his sneer curling his lips. That was all, some nights. All Steve dreamed was Billy’s voice sliding through his ears, Billy’s eyes giving him so many mixed signals that they made cocktails in his lungs, gasping and burning and slurring until all Steve felt was an overwhelming exasperation with himself and the boy across from him. And some nights it was a blank panic that blacked out his vision until Billy found him like that, bruised and hurt but still concerned, because under all his hatred, he was just a boy with too big a heart. On those nights, it was Billy taking care of Steve, even if he was limping like a stray dog, like a broken machine. Steve would cling to him because he was real, because he was firm muscle grounded on strong legs attached to feet firmly planted to the ground and Steve felt like he would float away if he didn’t hold on hold tight to Billy’s biceps until he was sobbing crying breaking in his living room with all the lights blazing through the doors and then Billy would scoop him up and sit with him until early morning, when Steve was sleeping the exhausted sleep of a small child and Billy needed to get home before Neil decided that he had more of a problem than normal with Billy’s nocturnal habits.

This was the friendship that these two boys shared, stolen affections under the table, eyes locked and smirks exchanged and elaborate rituals concocted so that they could share one soft moment, because Hawkins didn’t like boys who dared to be soft; because Hawkins would punish boys who dared to be soft.

Nobody knew—not even Nancy, who was, arguably, still Steve’s best friend despite the breakup. He wasn’t doing too well with friends these days, to be honest. He had ditched Tommy and Carol when he’d started dating Nancy, and he didn’t really regret it until it was late in the day and Tommy was still throwing him those glances that were at once hateful and longing, like he couldn’t quite decide if he wanted Steve to be the scum in the storm drains or the king of the school. It was those days that Steve pushed Billy extra hard, meeting him glare-for-glare and shove-for-shove. Because he didn’t want to see those eyes watching hm from across the court, a sneer and tears in the same expression. He didn’t want to see Tommy, the boy who he’d loved and hated in equal measure since he was five years old and starting kindergarten.

And Billy was a nice distraction. A great one, in fact, from everything in his life. From demodogs and gates and girls with too-wise eyes that cut through the armor that Steve wore to the deep dark hole inside of him that ate up all his love, until he was an empty husk and everyone who’d ever made an effort to be his friend was standing six feet away, the same distance a coffin took up. But with Billy, the coffin was already there. Six feet of emotional distance, at all times. Enough space to shove a coffin, skeleton rotting through the body and all, placed like armor, because for Billy, anything that was living was potential to be hurt, and that meant weakness. And Billy wasn’t weak. Didn’t let himself be weak. Steve found it exhausting sometimes, the self-possession that Billy held. He kept it aloft, all the time, in rain or sun, through even his most deranged moments. At first, Steve thought he was wildly uncontrolled, a newborn colt kicking out at whatever he could reach, even if that was the life-giving mare right next to him. But the night at the Byers’ had made something painfully apparent: no, Billy wasn’t out of control. He was always, always in control, even if he was bashing his head into Steve’s like he didn’t care if he got a concussion. He knew everyone’s movements three steps ahead, and took the time to consider all of them and then make his own move; and most of the time, it was the worst move he could’ve made, designed specifically to hurt the most. He drove everyone away, with the careful precision of a surgeon overlaid by the brute force of a battering ram. It was distinctly Billy: strong and destructive and so completely unstoppable.

Billy leaned against the counter, blue eyes taking in too much as Steve fumbled with the broccoli florets. Steve’s nanny had taught him to cook in middle school. She had let him lurk in the kitchen as she moved about like a graceful ghost, hands quick and clever, eyes focused. Steve had asked to help one day, because the nights when she cooked were the closest he had gotten to family dinners in years, and she gave him a smile and showed him. When she was officially unemployed by the Harringtons, Steve kept in touch with her, receiving recipes weekly from her. It was something that endlessly fascinated Billy for some reason, Steve’s ability to cook. The first time he’d stayed for dinner, his eyes had been pinned to Steve the whole night. Steve had shifted, awkward under his stare, wondering if it would always be like that.

Steve added the broccoli heads, stirring until they were coated. After he was done with the broccoli, Steve added the chicken, cut up into bite sized pieces, to brown. Billy went to the fridge and pulled out a beer, silently offering to get one for Steve, too. Steve shook his head, motioning to the bottle of wine that he had opened when he started cooking dinner.

Billy’s eyes crinkled as he smiled. “Bougie wine mom,” he joked, voice gently teasing, and Steve wrinkled his nose at him.

They sat down to dinner in comfortable silence, forks clinking against plates and the sounds of chewing the only conversation. Steve didn’t mind; in fact, he enjoyed nights like these, where Billy was quietly soft, more focused on his own inner narrative than what is going on around him. The first few nights like this, Billy had swung between awkward and aggressive, until they had actually sat down to eat food and then Billy had dug in like a starving dog and suddenly the bubble of awkward dancing around each other was popped and it felt like they had been doing this since they were children.

“Damn,” Billy had muttered. “This is really good, Harrington.”

Steve’s cooking skills had spawned a slew of mom jokes from him, as well, but Steve weathered them good-naturedly because when Billy was teasing him about his cooking, he wasn’t flirting. And that was sort of the goal, for these nights. To avoid flirting with Billy Hargrove, because it was becoming more and more apparent that Steve was beginning to like him too much for his own good.

And he couldn’t like Billy, because liking Billy meant wanting Billy and if it was one thing that Steve knew for certain, it was that wanting Billy would kill him. It wouldn’t be the demodogs, it wouldn’t be the Mind Flayer—hell, it wouldn’t even be the snowy roads in the middle of bumfuck-nowhere, Indiana, that never got salted after a storm and were always perilous to drive. No, it would be the sheer wanting of Billy Hargrove.

And Steve couldn’t say he didn’t look forward to that day, but he also wasn’t the one who relished pain like Billy. He couldn’t laugh through a punch; he couldn’t make it seem like it was simultaneously all a big joke and deathly-serious at the same time. Steve didn’t like pain despite the number of fights he lost.

But Billy—Billy was the kind of pain he kept poking at. In the early mornings when the sun hadn’t quite risen yet, in the dark of night when the maws of the Demogorgon ate up his dreams, in the bright daylight at school when Steve could see Billy’s face all to clearly, he poked at it. It felt a little like a sore tooth; he could walk on it, chew with it, move with it, but it wasn’t comfortable.

Billy finished all the food on his plate in record time and got up to get more. Steve watched him go, thinking about how that broad back was always turned to him, even when Billy was walking toward him, and it hurt something deep inside of him, but he wouldn’t say anything.

There was nothing to say. There was food to eat, and a hungry boy to feed, and perhaps some bruises to tend. What there was not something between them. Steve could survive this strange friendship with Billy, but he couldn't survive love.

[ashintheairlikesnow]

All That Is Or Was Or Will Be

CW: Character death (no main characters), murder, so much murder, just like a lot of murder, no animals harmed in the writing of this piece, emeto (brief), referenced physical abuse, blood, drugging, knives, mind control, noncon touching (nonsexual), a kind of pet whump, trauma response, creepy whumper, suicidal ideation (brief, of the “wish I had a way out of this” variety)

Killan Josta belongs to @wildfaewhump​‘s Iesin and Talvos universe, which Vic is graciously letting me use with their permission to just absolutely ruin Killan in every possible way.

Tagging Killan’s crew:  @astrobly​ @burtlederp​ ​, @finder-of-rings​ ​, @slaintetowhump​ ​, @quirkykayleetam​ ​, @whumpallday​ , @whumppsychology​, @doveotions​ (if you would like to be added to an OC’s tag list, please send your request via an ask! Those are easier for me to keep track of and I tend to lose requests in comments, reblogs, tags, or PMs!)

With every step, Killan tried to stop walking. 

He told himself to stand still, to drop the small bag he held in one hand, to cry out and warn them he was coming. The woods were dark around him, but he never tripped on anything. He never placed his feet wrong. He never stumbled, or struggled. He walked with a perfect, inhumanly smooth stride even as his heart pounded, lurching sickly inside his chest with dread.

He couldn’t stop.

He didn’t want to stop. Or he did, but the want was buried underneath a deeper push, the twining starsong that wrapped him up in Calon Nie's voice. 

Take this, you, in secret steps and quietness. Walk til you see, but do not wake. I show you what starsong can do.

Pl-please, no, don't make me do this-

His feet had already been moving.

Calon's teeth flashed in the dark with his smile. You want to see what starsong can do, my pretty human.

He didn’t want to know what starsong could do - and yet he was desperate for the knowledge, wasn’t he? If only to know what he was in for, how terrible it was going to be, what kinds of monster-magic the fae could really do. 

He didn’t want to know what would happen to Ren, to Tinch and Vanya and Pyllko… definitely did not want to see what Calon Nie would do to Beron, who had sometimes helped him pack up the camp in the mornings or patted him on the back, ruffled his hair and said, you worked hard today with a hint of pride in his voice as though Killan were his own son and not just a debt-slave…

He had liked Beron sometimes, as much as you could like a man who kicked you in the stomach for eating a second helping of porridge until you threw the first one up or took your food and threw it to dogs to make himself laugh. Killan had been kind of fond of him, worked hard for his approval, been glad that Beron always asked for Killan to sit watch with him at night.

Beron had been mean, could be mean - but he was the only one of them where Killan could mostly predict that violence, and so it was as close to safe as he had been since the day he'd been attacked in town and nearly drowned. He was the only one who’d put together a bit of hot broth or tea when Killan was sick.

Beron took care of him, in between hurting, and no one else did.

 What would starsong do to Beron?

He didn’t want to do this, but his feet would not stop moving.

The more he fought against the silvery web of compulsion wrapped around him, the louder the fae’s voice sang in the back of his mind. Eerie twin notes, harmonized with itself in a single voice, soaking into the deepest parts of him. Above him, Calon Nie moved through the branches in nearly-perfect silence, even his wings hidden in the dark canopy of trees.

Buachaill del… pretty boy, you are mo ragnaith, my chosen one. My human. I am all, all was or is or will be, for you. 

He did not want to be Calon Nie’s human, but he had no choice.

His mam used to tell a story about a wicked fae who sang away all the children in a village who had not listened to their mothers when it was time for bed, using her hands to make shadowed wings on the wall, while a tiny Killan had watched and listened, wide-eyed and rapt. The fae led the disobedient children right off a cliff just to hover in the air with its awful wings and watch their bodies dash to the rocks below.

You see, then, Killy, why it’s what you must do, to listen to your mam when she sends you to sleep? Otherwise the fae monsters will take you and tear out your throat.

It was just a story to scare children - until it wasn’t.

He would have been less terrified if Calon Nie had simply wanted to kill him and drink his blood and make things out of his bones, like his mam had said fae would. What was happening to him instead was much, much worse, because he was starting to understand that it wouldn’t end, that Calon Nie had some plan for him he wasn’t explaining. Some idea that had led him to want a human boy for his very own. There was some hidden reason he kept measuring Killan’s arms and fingers and legs, pressing on his sides to feel at the ribs beneath, not counting - just saying too much bones, and Killan was both desperate to know what that meant and praying to some dim concept of a forest god that he never, ever would learn.

He couldn’t stop walking, but one hand raised to feel over his neck as he went, the bandage wrapped around it felt too tight, constricting. Calon Nie was not gentle. It covered the sliced-up skin down one side, where Calon Nie had let blood drip down to dry and stain brownish on his collarbone, but it didn’t feel like a bandage.

It felt worse than that. 

Killan felt like a collared dog.

He felt like a pet that walked on its hind legs for the amusement of its keepers. Like the little dogs at the harvest festival who could balance balls on the tips of their noses as they ‘danced’, hind-legged, while the people clapped and cheered.

The bandages crinkled, the barest hint of noise in the dark woods. Above him, there was a soft hiss, and Killan’s hand fell back to his side. 

Quietness, buachaill del. He didn’t have to hear the words spoken to hear the order. Not any longer.

He could see the camp ahead of him, the fire banked low to embers, the men stretched out in their bedrolls to sleep under the stars. The horses breathing in soft snorts, ears back, heads turned in his direction. They saw him, but they knew Killan - he fed them, sliding the heavy bags up over their noses so they could munch where they stood, even deep in the woods with no real grass to graze on. They weren’t scared of him like they would have been of Calon Nie, and so they made no sound at his approach beyond the softest whicker. 

Beron and Tinch were on watch, sitting up with their backs to him for the moment, and Killan opened his mouth to warn them, to say, please, he’s going to kill you-

“Sleep,” The fae in the branches above him commanded. Killan’s knees buckled and he crashed to the ground as the world spun to sudden exhausted wooziness around him. 

The last thing he heard was the sound of Beron and Tinch falling forward, too, the soft thuds of their bodies falling into the dirt.

Then, darkness.

He woke to the whisper of Calon Nie’s talons across his back, ghosting over shoulder blades long-scarred by Ren’s punishments for past transgressions. He tensed at the touch of those clawed fingertips, but they didn’t quite cut his skin. Instead, it felt more like Calon Nie played his spine as an instrument. “Wake, only you.” Calon Nie spoke almost gently, almost lovingly. “But be still. Time for the first.”

“The… the first what?” Killan asked, blinking, pushing slowly up onto his elbows with his hips and legs still splayed on the ground. The little bag he had been forced to carry all the way here lay on its side, still tied tightly closed.

He looked around to see the bandits he had lived with were now all asleep - three in their bedrolls, and Beron and Tinch simply slumped on the ground, too deeply unconscious for dignity. Everyone’s breath came deep and even, low snores settling in the air around them. “I thought-...” His own voice was slurred, struggling to come all the way awake even with the command. “I thought you were going to kill-... to kill them.”

“No kill, me,” Calon said easily. “Now. Hold still. Silence, Killan.” 

He only said Killan’s real name when whatever he was about to do was going to hurt. Sure enough, when Killan had frozen on the ground like a boy made of stone, Calon’s taloned fingers slipped, for the first time, into his skin.

Killan had begun to hate his name. At least buachaill del, mo ragnaith, pretty boy, my human - at least those names didn’t come with the promise of pain.

He tried to cry out with the sudden burning pain, but no sound came. Compelled to silence, Killan could do nothing but dig his fingers into the loose earth, mouth open in a scream he could not voice, his vocal chords locked tight with starsong wrapped around them. He felt the talon trail through like his mam heating a knife and slicing butter, his skin falling away almost eagerly to either side, leaping to do the fae’s will.

Only when he could feel the blood running did Calon Nie pull back his hand, his head cocking to the side as he held the talons up in front of his own face, slit-pupiled yellow eyes locked on the deep red, colored nearly black in the dark night, running warm and then cool down the palm of his monstrous hand.

“Pretty,” He whispered. “So red, with iron. Dead star, you. But I can give life.”

Killan breathed in gasps against the pain, tears running hot down his face, dripping saltwater to a forest floor that maybe had never seen water and salt mixed before. He couldn’t speak to ask what the fae meant, and he didn’t wan to. He didn’t want to know what life meant to a fae that thought Killan, with his beating heart and red blood, was dead.

“Is time, now,” Calon Nie said after contemplating Killan’s blood a moment longer. “Stand, you. Keep silent.”

Killan’s arms moved, palms pressed to earth, shifting onto his hands and knees even as his back screamed and he wept silent tears into the earth beneath him, blood trickling in a garish tickle down his sides and then soaking into the waistband of his pants, until he stood, swaying. He could be forced to silence but the rictus-scream was stuck on his face, the only expression of his pain he was allowed beyond his labored breathing.

“Good. Now, is time, is time, is time for celebration.” Calon Nie sing-song sang the words more than spoke them in his hissing, sibilant accent. He reached his own hand behind his back and then pulled from the waistband of his own pans an intricately carved dagger made of no metal that Killan had ever known. He was used to Ren’s weapons, all good solid strong iron, poison to the fae and a good defense when you hunted as close to the mountains as Ren did.

This, though, shimmered in the darkness like silver, was carved with the peaks of mountains clear along each side of the blade. Crafted with a sharply angled serration, it looked like something you couldn’t possibly need for hunting.

Calon Nie held the knife out to Killan. “Take,” He commanded, and Killan’s hand moved without him even as his heart dropped, went cold, turned to a block of ice in his stomach. The pain in his back was forgotten, simply overrun by the horrified understanding.

He tried to move his mouth, but the compulsion to silence still held, and he couldn’t do anything more than that.

Calon raised his eyebrows slowly, curious and amused. The moonlight caught his eyes as his chin raised to look Killan in the eyes, turning yellow eyes briefly to a cloudy opalescence, and he seemed somehow more a product of a story meant to scare children than ever. “No questions, you. Time for questions gone.” He drew his hand through the air, a quick sharp dismissal, and Killan felt his stomach twist as some of his own blood flew off Calon’s taloned fingertips and landed on Ren’s face where he lay in his bedroll.

Wake up, Killan begged him, mouth moving, silent. Wake up. Fight him with iron. Wake up wake up wake up wake up wake up-

Ren shifted, mumbling to himself in a slurred voice, and wiped at the blood on his cheek.

Then he settled back to unconsciousness again.

Calon Nie swayed lightly back and forth, as if to a rhythm only he could hear, eyes half-closed as his head tilted back and forth with his movements, long black hair that turned nearly white by the ends moving, his wings slightly - deeply auburn reddish-brown on the outside and a layered, striped black-and-white on the inside - spread in the small clearing for balance. He smiled, head tilted up to the moon, to the stars, visible in the perfectly clear night sky.

Without looking away from a constellation just next to the moon - Killan had always known it, three stars in a line and two more above, as the Rider - Calon Nie pointed to Ren, and said, “Slit his throat, Killan. Stop only when no living.”

Killan’s body moved without him to obey the starsong command.

His hands moved steady and sure, one to grip Ren by the hair and yank until his head was forced back, the other to draw the serrated blade across the man’s throat, digging in deep, blood bursting as though a dam had broken, a waterfall of a man’s life soaking into his bedroll, snuffled half-breaths that could no longer be drawn.

Killan’s hand didn’t loosen the grip on Ren’s hair - on the man who had saved him when the robbers threw him in the river, who had owned his life and hurt him and written all the scars on him that weren’t Calon Nie’s - until the man was dead.

Right to death, the fae’s magic held Ren in a deep slumber. 

He never woke, before he was gone.

Killan wept for him, his heart burning, and waited for what he knew came next when he let Ren’s head drop onto his bedroll, never to wake again.

“Good,” Calon Nie praised, eyes fluttering half-closed. “Now.” He pointed at Pyllko. “Slit his throat.”

Killan moved to the next bedroll, grabbed Pyllko by his curly hair - he was vain of it, Pyllko, found new women in every town they stopped in, had babies scattered through the land, or so he said - and killed him, too. His hand was dripping red with blood. Pyllko liked to say awful things about the women he saw, but he was like a spoiled selfish boy, younger even than Killan in mind if not in body. 

A nobleman’s son, so he swore, who had been banished for something to do with a higher noble’s eldest daughter. 

Ren saved me, too, Pyllko had said to him once. I could have died. You should be grateful that he’s got such a big heart for you.

Then Vanya.

Killan forced Calon Nie to give the command for each one, refused to move of his own volition. His eyes were too blurry to see with the tears and he knew his hand was struggling, he was getting Pyllko’s blood in Vanya’s hair, his grip on the blade now slick with red, struggling to hold it tightly enough for the killing stroke.

Vanya, who was cruel and cruel and cruel again, for his own amusement.

Killan still had never wanted him to die. 

He killed him anyway.

Now, Tinch.

Tinch, who had ignored him mostly as a child but had started to stare at him as an adult, get too close, look too long. Who joked about sneaking to the river to see what it was about bathing naked there that Killan loved so much. 

Tinch, who had a habit of grabbing at Killan’s arms or chin or hair whenever he wanted. This throat, Killan slit with hardly a lick of grief at all. I know what you would have done to me, soon enough, Killan thought, as the man bled to death on his side, his hand lying outstretched. If they were ever found, it might even look like Tinch had reached for his weapon.

He hadn’t.

He would look like he’d had a chance to be brave, when he wasn’t, and he hadn’t had any such thing. But there was a comfort in the idea that someone might find their bones, one day, and think that someone had tried to fight the fae.

Finally… Beron.

Killan stalled, now, fought the starsong as hard as he could, its tendrils wrapping so tightly around him that they felt like new fire licking blue across his skin. He turned to look at Calon Nie, still swaying to the song only he could hear. No, he whispered, still unable to speak. 

Calon seemed to hear it, anyway. He opened his eyes and looked at Killan, smiling to show his sharp teeth. “Say no, you?”

Not Beron.

For the first time since the fae had taken him, something dark and ugly passed across his features. Killan had never seen it before, not in relation to him, anyway, but he could read it easily nonetheless.

Calon Nie was jealous.

“Slit. Throat. Now.”

The command was spat instead of sung, but Killan’s hands began to move, and he hitched in a breath, a half-whispered, half-silent sob, his tears falling right onto Beron’s peaceful sleeping face. 

Beron would toss his food just to watch him cry over is loss, would smack him around when he took too long at a chore, but he would also tell Killan stories like his mam used to, and volunteer to take him into the shops when they visited towns. 

Killan grabbed the hair of the only one of them that had ever offered him an ounce of kindness and he murdered him, too, crying over him as he watched Beron, peaceful to the bitter end, take his very last breath. Then he slumped down to his knees and leaned over him, gripping fingers into the fabric of his shirt like a child clinging to its mother after a nightmare, and cried at the loss of what he hadn’t even known was a better life than what he was now living.

Somehow, Calon Nie did not stop him from grieving. He cried, holding Beron with one hand and the blood-slicked blade with the other, into the man’s slowly cooling body.

He wept for them, and for himself.

Then he straightened his back - singing pain up the tiny cuts Calon Nie had made, but he didn’t care any longer, none of it meant anything and maybe if he was lucky Calon Nie would let him bleed to death here with the closest thing he had left to a family - and threw the silver-colored knife as far as he could into the dark woods.

He heard it land, a rustle in underbrush, and that was all. Whoever found the bodies - maybe they’d find the murder weapon, too.

I killed them. I killed them. I killed them. The word rang round and round inside Killan’s mind, and this time when his stomach twisted he let it lead him, curling himself over on the ground and losing the contents of his stomach across the beaten-down grass and earth. He retched and heaved until his stomach and his back hurt in equal measures, until nothing was left but sour spit and bile on his tongue, until… until nothing was left but his guilt.

Thrall, murderer, fae-led slave boy, you did this you did this you did this you did this-

Ren’s flask dropped to the ground next to his knees and he slowly looked up to see Calon Nie staring down at him, head tilted so far to the side it seemed an impossible angle, evidence of the fluidity, the flexibility of fae bones. “You drink,” Calon Nie said, pointing with his talon. It wasn’t a command, but Killan grabbed the flask up anyway, sucking down the burning liquor inside, letting it wash the taste from his mouth.

But it couldn’t wipe the blood, thick in the air, thick on his hands, thick on his soul.

“Now is me only,” Calon Nie said, firmly. “Only me, you for. I am start and finish and all things. All that was or is or will be. These, gone. Paugh. No need. You may speak.”

“You said-... before, you said you would only make me put the sleeping drug in their water!”

Yellow eyes met his above Calon Nie’s patient, loving smile. “Calon Nie lies.”

“But, you... you have cl-claws, y-... you... y-you could have k-k-killed them y-y-yourself-” He started crying again, now that he could cry openly he let his voice wail, bouncing off the trees and back at him like a physical blow. He let sobs turn to wails and wails becomes screams and he prayed and prayed and prayed someone, somewhere, could hear him.

“I not kill these.” Calon Nie shook his head, and when he held out his hand, Killan could do nothing but take it and let the fae help him, shaking legs and all, to his feet. “Yours to kill. Kill pretty human’s family, I am family now. Done. Those, though…” Calon Nie’s eyes went to the horses, who were pulling on the ties that bound them near trees, ears back, herd animals wanting to run from the smell of blood and the teeth of the predator that stood openly before them. “Those I kill-”

“No. Please.” Killan put a hand on Calon Nie’s arm, smearing it with blood. “Please, Calon Nie, please, n-not the horses, please.”

Why did it matter if he killed them? Killan couldn’t have said. But in that moment, where he felt a mix of guilt and grief shredding him apart, it mattered more than anything that Calon might give him just one hint of mercy.

Calon Nie looked back at him, surprised, and then to the horses again. He sighed, smiling - affectionate and indulgent, as though Killan were a child who had asked for an extra sweet at market. “Más mian leat, buachaill del. Find other food, me.”

Killan nodded, whispering his sincere thanks, hating himself for the depraved gratitude he felt. He grabbed Beron’s sword from his bedroll - it had been all ready for his watch to end but he had never had a chance to use it - and moved to the horses, cutting them free from the tree they’d been tied to, watching them as they fled.

Wishing he could flee, too.

His eyes drifted down to the leather-wrapped hilt of the iron sword in his hand just in time to hear Calon Nie to say, sharply, “Drop sword, you.”

Iron thumped to the earth, useless. 

Just like Killan, to everyone but the fae who held him in thrall.

When he turned, Calon Nie was right there, had moved with perfect silence and speed to stand just behind him, and Killan didn’t have to be commanded to hold still under the look in those yellow eyes. The camp smells - fire and smoke and the horses, whatever they’d had for dinner maybe - were overlaid with the thick copper-salt-sweet scent of blood.

Killan would never stop smelling that blood, he thought, no matter how long Calon Nie allowed him to live.

“Mine now,” Calon Nie whispered. “Truly mine, you.” He lifted his hand and Killan shuddered, shivering like a spooked animal as a blood-tipped talon drew lightly over his bandaged throat, not quite cutting the cloth strips, not cutting his skin. The fae moved around him, chin tilted up slightly to look, focused with unsettling intensity as he moved in a slow circle around Killan, tracing a perfect circle around his throat.

The message was clear.

Killan was a collared dog - to be fussed over to set to kill, whichever his master commanded. To the fae, humans were nothing but livestock that could speak, weren’t they? Killan was nothing but a bit of skin with a puzzling habit of having opinions.

“Don’t-” His voice caught, and Calon Nie’s talon came to a stop, just beneath his ear, pressed lightly against his pulse. A trickle of blood ran down to soak into the bandages. “Please,” he whispered. “Please don’t make me kill anyone else.”

“Not worry,” Calon Nie whispered, opening his hand to rest the palm of it against the back of Killan’s neck, bloody taloned twisting and playing with his hair until he thought he might throw up all over again, even though he had nothing left. “Not you, next time.”

Killan’s eyes closed, trying to hide the tears that escaped anyway, the new wash of fear. “N-next ti-... ti-time?” He managed, his voice shaking so badly he could barely get out the words.

Calon Nie went up on his toes, his breath hot against Killan’s ear. “Next time, I kill, for you.”

“I-I don’t n-n-need anyone to, to die for me,” Killan protested, in a hitching half-sobbed whimper. How did he have so many tears in him? It felt like he would never stop crying. 

He tried to open his eyes, only to see the men he had murdered with his own hands, and had to close them again. When he broke out in sobs this time, Calon Nie bundled him close, held him in a tight grip with those heavily muscled arms, and petted through his hair with his bloody talons.

Where a bit of Killan’s blood touched his skin, Calon Nie hissed against a faint burn.

“Calm, calm, calm,” Calon Nie sing-songed, soothing and soft. “Calm, calm, my pretty. Did well for your Calon Nie, yes? Did well for me?”

He was a murderer. He had blood on his hands. He had taken men’s lives while they slept, like a coward, like a monster, like a thrall.

“Pretty boy, answer me,” Calon Nie said.

I am the children the fae threw off the cliff, but you won’t let me go far enough to escape you, not even if I died.

Killan hitched in breath, tried to find his voice where it had fled this time, deep within his chest where he knew their lives would stay wrapped up in him, wreckage and ruin, his own fault for being alone in the woods near the mountains. “Yes,” He said, miserable. “Yes. I d-did what you-... what you, gods, what you s-s-said-”

“Good. Good human.” Calon Nie hummed, nuzzling his nose against the side of Killan’s face, sharp teeth entirely too close to the veins in his neck. Killan kept his eyes closed, ground his teeth together, and hoped - for one long drawn-out moment - that Calon Nie would kill him, too, so he wouldn’t have to live like this.

After a long silence, Calon Nie pulled away from him, taking his scent of something metallic and wild with him, and Killan felt the pain in his back all at once, as though the adrenaline and guilt had dampened what he could feel. 

Calon Nie smiled at the way Killan whined at the pain.

“Get used to,” He advised. “Back must hurt, for now, all time.”

“What? Wh-why?” Killan looked at the fae, whose eyes had gone back to the stars above their heads, basking in the faint silvery light, in the song he swore he could hear but Killan heard nothing but the beat of his own heart.

Even the birds were silent in the trees.

Even the forest knew when monsters walked.

Calon Nie did not open his eyes when he said, in a voice of perfect bliss, “To ready you for wings, mo ragnaith.”

[chenziee]

Leaves and Pumpkin Spice

[Read on AO3 or under the cut]

Super late entry for @lawlu-week‘s 10 Days of Lawlu Day 7: Falling Leaves Sorry for that, life became a real bitch right after the event ended :(

Ship: Law/Luffy Rating: Teen and Up Words: 2730 Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Humor, Fluff and Humor, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Idiots in Love, college student luffy, not that that matters, surgeon law, Established Relationship

Summary: Walking through the park with two coffees in hand, Luffy mourned the fact that he didn't have any time to appreciate the beauty of the autumn leaves or to play in the meticulously raked piles. But he had only 30 minutes and he wasn't about to waste them.

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As he stood in line at his favourite coffee shop, Luffy couldn't help but tap his foot impatiently. Even though there were only two people in front of him, it felt like it was taking forever with the man at the register taking his sweet time with making up his mind on what to order. Luffy would never understand why some people insisted on holding everyone else up instead of waiting to queue until after they knew what they were getting. He hated waiting; hated having to stand in place with nothing to do except listening to people ask stupid questions like if a cappuccino had milk in it. And he especially hated waiting when he was already running low on time.

Thankfully, once the indecisive idiot moved on, Luffy’s turn came quickly since the girl in front of him was seemingly about as done and ready to run off with her coffee as Luffy was.

“Hey, Luffy. What will you be getting?” Usopp greeted from behind the counter, flashing him a grin which was gladly returned.

Luffy was always happy when one of his friends was working and he would be lying if he said it wasn’t a big part of the reason he loved this coffee shop so much. The delicious food and coffee and its close proximity to their college was really just a bonus.

Doing his best to avoid looking at the pastry case next to him, Luffy easily recited his order, “One large pumpkin spice latte with an extra shot of espresso and one large black coffee,”

Usopp nodded, writing his order and names down on the coffee cups before handing them over to the barista on duty. “You going to the hospital?” he asked as he took Luffy’s credit card.

“Yep! I just hope I make it, I’m running a bit late,” Luffy replied with a pout. Stupid indecisive customers. Never mind he had been too busy watching anime to keep track of the time and left late in the first place. No one had to know that, though.

“You better run then,” Usopp said with a smirk. “Stop by on the way back, I’ll save you a quiche.”

Luffy gasped. He had to stop himself from shouting as a wave of excitement washed over him. “Sanji’s?” he asked, nearly drooling at the idea of his friend’s cooking.

Usopp laughed, handing Luffy his credit card back. “Yes. But that’s only if you don’t get killed for being late.”

“Oh shit. Right.” Luffy slapped both his cheeks to bring himself back to reality. Usopp was right, after all; he really didn’t have the time to daydream about food. No matter how tasty it had to be and how good it would smell and how it would melt in his mouth and—

“Oi, Luffy,” Usopp said as he smacked him over the head with his sharpie. “You’re drooling.”

Luffy blinked, then shook his head to clear it a bit. Damn Usopp for distracting him with food. Putting his credit card away, he thanked his long nosed friend before moving over to the end of the counter to wait for his coffees. It only took a minute for them both to be done, the pink haired girl—Luffy was pretty sure her name was Rebecca, a freshman in their college—working blissfully fast. Luffy happily grabbed both cups as soon as they were presented to him and ran off, only pausing to grin and nod at Usopp who called after him, asking him to say hi to his doctor.

The walk to the university hospital from the coffee shop was short, only about ten minutes away, but as he glanced at his watch, Luffy knew he would be cutting it close. Picking up the pace, he quickly crossed the street to enter the city park, weaving his way through the trees and people taking casual strolls while enjoying the view of beautifully coloured leaves at a painfully slow pace.

The third time Luffy nearly crashed into a laughing child or a dog happily chasing said child, he cursed internally. He really didn't have the time for this. He needed to take the shortest route to the other side of the park without any distractions or delays. No matter how pretty the trees coloured with bright red and yellow looked or how much fun playing in the piles of raked up, already fallen leaves would be. He didn't have the luxury to walk at a slow pace like the other adults, or to run and jump around like the children. No matter how much the laughter of kids and happy barks of dogs accompanied by the telltale rustling of the dead leaves getting kicked and thrown all over was making him smile and tempting him to join in.

But he only had 30 precious minutes and coffees that were getting colder by the minute in the crisp autumn air. He had no time to play today.

—————

When Luffy finally made it to the little grassy area in front of the hospital, he quickly scanned all the benches until his eyes caught the white lab coat and the contrasting black, short hair. He grinned, deciding not to call out to the doctor; instead, he made his way towards him slowly and quietly. As he walked, he took a moment to appreciate the wide shoulders and long neck. It was almost as if he was trying to show off how handsome he was with the way he was sitting there. Not that he was doing anything special—or was the type to do these things on purpose—but Luffy still thought looking so good like that should be illegal.

He might have been a little bit biased though. After all, he thought his boyfriend was always handsome, even after several long shifts at the hospital when he was sporting panda eyes worse than actual pandas and hair messier than Luffy’s own, sitting huddled into a blanket while nursing his eighth cup of coffee of the day and throwing glares at everyone. Whenever someone came over while Law was like that, they would all note how awful Law looked before they’d send him to sleep but Luffy never understood that. Even dead tired Law was so handsome it hurt and Luffy was pretty sure it was impossible for him to look awful. Everyone else was just blind.

Luffy sighed; what was he getting so worked up for anyway? It didn’t matter what anyone else thought. Law was his and he was handsome and funny and smart and Luffy loved him and that was all that really mattered, wasn’t it?

Grinning to himself, Luffy took the last few, quiet steps that separated them, standing directly behind his boyfriend and raising one of the coffee cups in his hands up to hover above Law’s head. Luckily, the man seemed to be too busy texting Bepo to notice how dangerously close he was to getting the shit scared out of him and Luffy had trouble keeping his laughter inside and ruining everything.

Taking a deep breath, he slowly let the cup go down—

“Don’t even think about it.”

Luffy groaned. Of course. Of course Law could somehow feel his presence and read his damn mind. He didn’t even look up from his phone, this asshole. As his last act of defiance, Luffy let the bottom of the cup hit Law in the head a little harder than strictly necessary, earning himself an annoyed ‘Hey!’ which he decided to ignore. Instead, he simply walked around the bench to drop down next to Law, a pout on his lips as he looked at his boyfriend.

“You’re no fun,” he complained.

Law smirked, making a show of looking at his phone before he shot back, “And you’re late.”

Luffy cringed, smiling sheepishly. “Sorry, there was a slow idiot at the coffee shop. Usopp says hi, by the way.”

“Uh-huh,” Law hummed slowly, his smirk widening as he reached up to touch Luffy’s hair, pulling out a dead leaf that somehow got tangled in it a second later. “Sure,” he added, twirling the leaf in between his fingers.

Luffy’s eyes widened. “That—” he paused, wrecking his brain for any plausible explanation— “must have fallen on me when I was walking through the park.”

Law raised an eyebrow at that, reaching out once more, this time towards Luffy’s collar bone. “I guess this one just so happened to fall and get stuck under your jacket, then?” he asked casually as he pulled out another leaf.

Just how many of these was Luffy carrying around in weird places? And he only jumped into a pile of them once.

Slowly raising his eyes from the two leaves in Law’s hand to look at the man himself, Luffy gave him the widest, brightest smile he could muster and simply announced, “Yep!”

There was a beat of silence before Law started laughing, tossing the leaves away and giving Luffy a look that was so soft and so full of amusement that Luffy couldn’t help but feel happy that he was able to put that expression there. That he could break the resting bitch face Law was constantly accused of having.

“Well, to be fair, I only just got here myself. A check up ran late,” Law said, gesturing to the coffees in Luffy’s hands.

“Don’t tease me then, asshole,” Luffy grumbled but immediately checked which cup was which before he handed the right one over.

Law accepted the now-lukewarm drink gratefully, then looked at Luffy with that damned smirk again. “Sorry,” he simply said. 

He didn’t sound sorry at all.

Luffy huffed but before he could complain about how mean Law was to his quality caffeine provider, Law leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to Luffy’s lips, breathing a quiet ‘thank you’ as soon as they parted. Now, that was just unfair; how was Luffy supposed to sulk when Law went and did something like this?

Oh well.

“You’re welcome,” Luffy said with a grin, raising his own cup to his lips and humming appreciatively. That place really was the best, even without the fact Sanji did most of their cooking; the coffee was absolutely delicious as always.

“What’s this?” Law asked a moment later, voice full of… something.

Luffy blinked, tilting his head to the side in confusion at the way Law was staring at his coffee. “Pumpkin spice latte?” he tried, unsure why Law needed to hear it. Luffy could smell the distinct aroma of it the entire time he was carrying it.

Law looked at Luffy with something that was probably supposed to be a glare but to Luffy it only looked like he was trying to hide his embarrassment. “You know I always get it black,” he complained a second later and Luffy couldn’t stop the snicker that forced its way past his lips.

Law was seriously so cute.

“Torao, how long have we been together? I’m pretty sure you can stop pretending to like it black just for the aesthetic of it at this point,” Luffy stated matter-of-factly as he took great care to take a long, taunting sip of his own black coffee.

Luffy was pretty sure if Law was wearing his favourite hat, he would be pulling it down to hide his blush right then and he couldn’t stop smiling. Seriously, how was this man real? So handsome and sexy, unashamed and confident in everything he did, yet absolutely adorable.

Luffy was so damn lucky.

Law often disagreed with him on that point but for all his smarts, Law was often wrong. Always wrong when it came to whether or not he deserved Luffy. But Luffy didn’t mind; he would tell his Torao over and over, as many times as he needed to hear it.

Shuffling over a little, Luffy leaned against Law’s side. Law automatically threw his arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer as they sat in silence for a little while, simply enjoying their coffees and each other’s presence. They didn't have much time, after all. Law would have to go back to work soon and then they wouldn’t be able to see each other until late evening when he would finally get home. Luffy couldn’t wait for tomorrow when they were both free and could lazy around in their bed—or possibly on the couch watching movies if they were feeling adventurous—all damn day with no distractions.

Distractions like the nurse who was currently running towards them and calling Law’s name like he was a middle schooler skipping class and they both groaned. So much for their 30 minutes. “Doctor Trafalgar, you need to come back, there’s a patient—”

“Are they dying right this minute?” Law asked, voice flat, and Luffy had to bite his bottom lip to keep himself from snorting.

The nurse looked taken aback, blinking a few times before she slowly replied, “Well, no, but—”

“Then they can wait five minutes,” Law said firmly, sending the now positively scandalized nurse off.

Luffy waited until she was out of earshot before he started laughing. “Is she new?” he asked, glancing up at Law to watch his expression go from annoyed to slightly amused.

“Yeah, transferred last week or something. Can’t get used to me not giving a fuck,” he said, waving the hand he had around Luffy’s shoulders dismissively. “Also keeps glaring at my tats.”

“God forbid the genius Surgeon of Death has a tattoo or ten.” Luffy nodded solemnly, making Law chuckle.

“Exactly,” Law agreed before rolling his eyes as he continued. “I’m also told she’s extra pissed off because I have a boyfriend and won’t date her.”

Luffy gasped, putting his hand over his heart dramatically. “You have a boyfriend? And here I was, thinking I had a chance!”

“He doesn’t have to know,” Law said, his tone so over-the-top seductive that Luffy burst out laughing.

“You’re a terrible man, Doctor Torao,” Luffy scolded, doing his best to keep the laughter out of his voice and failing terribly.

Law huffed, shoving Luffy away from himself half-heartedly before tilting his head back to drain his cup of the last drops of coffee. “I can’t believe you keep calling me Torao even in situations like this,” he said, giving Luffy a disappointed look. Probably because Luffy ruined the game by using his nickname but like hell could Luffy be bothered to say his full name.

“It’s not my fault your surname is so stupid,” he replied, sticking his tongue out at Law. “Besides, you keep calling me Straw Hat, too. I’m half-convinced you don’t know even a part of my name.”

“Sure, Straw Hat-ya, whatever you say,” Law teased and Luffy was tempted to throw something at him. Too bad there was still some coffee in his cup.

“You’re an asshole. Go off to save some lives or whatever,” Luffy muttered, his efforts to sound upset sadly betrayed by the wide smile that he couldn’t wipe off of his face.

Law chuckled, finally standing up and stretching, giving Luffy a nice view of his back once more. Now, that had to be on purpose. Not that Luffy was complaining. “I’m going then, since you hate spending time with me so much,” he said off-handedly, turning around to glance at Luffy who only rolled his eyes.

“Yep. That’s why I came all the way here with your stupid latte,” Luffy agreed as he took Law’s empty cup to throw out later.

Luffy looked up when he felt warm fingers brush his cheek. Law was standing above him, tilting his face up more and Luffy saw no reason to not oblige. Leaning up into the soft kiss, one that tasted of coffee and pumpkin spice, Luffy couldn’t help but melt into the touch. Law’s hand on his cheek was warm and soft, his lips slightly chapped but so very sweet, smiling against Luffy’s own, and Luffy wished he could keep him right there, next to him forever.

Stupid people who just had to be dying and in need of his asshole of a genius surgeon.

But well, Law loved his work, as much as he griped and complained about it, and as long as he was happy, so was Luffy. Didn’t mean he didn’t want to steal him for himself once in a while though.

“Good thing you hate me so much, then,” Law mumbled against Luffy’s lips when they pulled away from each other minutely.

Luffy grinned. “Hate you so much I could die.”

“Good,” Law nodded, pressing one last kiss to Luffy’s lips. “See you later, Luffy.”

Luffy laughed at the deliberate use of his name. As if he needed to hear it to know Law hated him about as much as he hated Law.

Quickly grabbing the hand that was sliding off his cheek, Luffy briefly kissed the small image of a straw hat on Law’s inner wrist—a tattoo that matched the little heart that Luffy carried in the same place—before letting go.

“See you later, Torao.”

[bluesey-182]

We Have To Stop Meeting Like This - Chapter 13

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / ao3

it’s been a very long time, but at last,,, here’s an update. also, the end of this chapter gets NSFW so i will not be tagging anyone in this post, i will however continue to tag everyone that has asked to be tagged in the next chapter.

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Jude was tuning out every noise around her in statistics class. The professor, a young man barely out of university himself, looking thoroughly hungover that morning, had divided them up into small groups for some group project, though what that project was Jude had no idea. She kept trying to convince herself to pay attention but her mind was elsewhere. Absentmindedly, she tapped her pencil against the palm of her hand while her feet tapped a different beat under the desk. When she woke up that morning she had considered staying home, given what day it was and the emotions it tended to bring up, but her tenuous grade in this class had ultimately made the decision for her.

“June?” One of her classmates asked, waving his hand in front of her face to get her attention. “Are you even listening?”

She considered biting his hand but settled for swatting it out of her face. “My name is Jude.”

The idiot kept talking but movement at the door in the front of the classroom caught her eye. The door was propped open, the professor unaware given he was facedown on his desk, and standing there, looking like a cruel prince from a wicked storybook, was Cardan. His black jeans ended into his untied high top converse, his matte-black shirt with silky designs on it was unbuttoned at the top and rolled up at the sleeves, and his hair was a glorious mess. He had put on gold eyeliner that morning and Jude felt her stomach tighten pleasantly. As she stared, he finally found her sitting in the back of the room and gave her a wicked smile before indicating with a wave that she should come out into the hallway with him. She made a face that hopefully conveyed that he was an imbecile for expecting her to leave class when there was still half an hour left, and in return he made a face that dared her to do it anyway.

“Well then Jude you still didn’t answer my question,” her classmate continued, ignoring the conversation happening between her and Cardan spoken solely with their faces.

She really wanted to punch this guy. Another look at Cardan showed an amused smile as he eyed the classmate sitting next to her, a knowing look in his eyes that Jude was probably going to murder him in the next minute. 

Maybe the universe had sent Cardan to save this kid's miserable life from her ending it.

“Actually,” Jude said as she scooped her notebook and pen into her backpack, “I have to go, um,” Cardan was laughing silently to himself and it was very distracting, “go water my…. goldfish,” she finished absentmindedly before bolting towards the door. Her professor, popping a handful of ibuprofen into his mouth, didn’t seem to notice.

Once out in the hall, Cardan let the door slide closed behind them before taking her face in his hands and giving her a gentle kiss that made her heart soar. 

“Hey, you,” he said after taking the smallest step away.

“I was in class, what do you want?”

“From the looks of it, you were about to commit a felony on some poor, unexpecting dimwit. I am merely saving you from your least favorite class and, possibly, prison.”

“I can’t afford to fail this class, Cardan,” Jude said with no real heat.

“I’ll help you with the homework.” Jude glared at him, knowing how much of a pain in the ass he was when he “helped” her with her homework. “So why are you dragging me out of class?” 

Cardan’s face lit up like he had almost forgotten and then he started patting down all his pockets while mumbling to himself. Finally he pulled a folded piece of paper from his back pocket and presented it to her like a magician would present a flower. “Because, my dear, I have a very important question for you.”

Feeling confused, Jude took the paper from his open palm and unfolded it. It was almost entirely blank except for the question “do you like me?” with two boxes to check yes or no. Jude rolled her eyes. “You’re absolutely ridiculous.” With a flourish, Cardan produced a pen from his same back pocket and blinked at her innocently. “I’m not answering.” At her words Cardan gave her a sad face that was entirely fake. With a huff, Jude snatched the pen from his hand and checked the box next to yes.

“You make me swoon, Jude,” Cardan teased.

“You really interrupted my class for this?”

“What? Oh, no, I interrupted your class because a little birdy told me,” he sidled up and smoothly pulled her into him, “that today is your birthday.”

Jude’s mood soured ever so slightly. “What little birdy?”

“Mm,” Cardan hummed as he kissed her neck. Goosebumps rose all over her body.

“Nice try,” she said, placing a hand on his chest and gently pushing him and his lips a safe distance away from her. “What little birdy, Cardan.”

He relented, “Your sister.”

“You’ve been talking to Taryn?” Instead of answering her question, Cardan gave Jude a withering look. “Oh. Right. You’re friends with Vivi. But so what if it’s my birthday? I don’t really celebrate.”

“So I was told,” Cardan said lightly as he took her hand in his and started guiding her towards the back exit of the building. “Which is exactly why I’m snatching you out of class to spend the day with me.”

“That sounds more like a birthday treat for you, not me.”

“You wound me Jude, you really do. But I promise I’ll make it worthwhile for you as well.”

It was a surprisingly warm day for mid-November. They were driving with the windows down, Jude’s hand hanging out the window and lazily surfing the breeze, Cardan singing out of time with the music playing on the radio. Despite the depression Jude’s birthday tended to bring on, a wave of peace washed over her as she turned her head to look at Cardan. Instead of wearing his sunglasses to block the bright sun, he was currently using them as a headband to keep his floppy hair out of his face while he drove, though it wasn’t proving to be very effective. The wind swept his hair about and every so often a piece of it would slap him in the face.

“So where are we going?” Jude asked for the fifth time since they had gotten into the car. They had driven out of town and were now on a country road full of trees displaying the last of their leaves before winter washed the world of color. Instead of answering Jude’s question, Cardan gave her a lopsided grin in response and took her hand in his free one. 

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you, now would it?” Cardan finally said after Jude released a long, drawn out breath.

“I hate surprises,” she mumbled. 

“It’ll be fun,” Cardan insisted.

“I hate you.”

“Liar.”

“Miscreant.”

“Bully.”

“Baby.”

“Yes, darling?” Cardan replied.

“No, I was calling you a baby,” explained Jude. The smirk Cardan tried to suppress showed that Jude had walked right into that one. 

“I do so love it when you call me pet names,” Cardan continued. “Makes me feel all warm and gooey inside. Like a pie left out in the sun.”

“You shouldn’t leave pies out in the sun, birds will eat them.”

“Well I am such a goddamn snack…” Cardan trailed off as Jude began to laugh.

“Says you.”

“Darling, have you seen this ass?”

“Alright,” Jude laughed, “if you’re a snack what does that make me?”

“A four-course meal,” Cardan said as if that were obvious. “Now, if you will direct your attention to your right you will see we have arrived at our destination. Please do not feed the animals and remember the rules of being out in nature: leave no trace and take no prisoners. Sunscreen will not be provided and if a bear attacks you’re on your own.”

Jude looked out the window as Cardan pulled into a mostly empty dirt parking lot in front of a state park. Trees obscured the view beyond the opening of the main path, some of the autumnal colored leaves still clinging to their branches. Stepping out of the car, Jude was greeted by a kind of calming quiet one never got in civilization. The air smelled cleaner than Jude thought should be possible and the shining sun chased away any chills that the season tried to bring on. Birds that hadn’t yet made their migration sang from the trees, different melodies coalescing into a symphony of sounds.

It was beautiful.

The sound of a trunk door closing turned Jude’s attention to where Cardan had just pulled a basket from the trunk of his car. He watched her with a small smile and bright eyes as she took in their surroundings.

“If you brought me out here to murder me,” Jude joked, “I must say I approve of the scenery.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, clearly I brought you out here to paint you nude in nature like a faerie queen.”

“Are you saying you’ll be painting in the nude, or I’ll be nude in the painting?”

With a chuckle, Cardan tapped Jude on the tip of her nose and smiled brightly. “I like the way you think. Perhaps both. Or perhaps we’ll skip the painting entirely and just get naked. Shall we?” Cardan indicated the path with a flourish and they began walking hand in hand through the tree lined path.

“I think we should skip,” Cardan observed. “We don’t skip nearly enough as adults.”

“Skipping implies levity, and how can one be joyous when they’re drowning in college debt?”

“You really know how to ruin my fun, Jude. You can be quite cruel. And yet… I find it turns me on.”

Jude rolled her eyes. Something Cardan had said earlier had just begun to register in her mind. “Hey, what the fuck does leave no trace and take no prisoners mean?”

“What?”

“When we first got here,” Jude explained, “You said ‘leave no trace and take no prisoners.’”

“Oh, right. Leave no trace means that you should leave things how you find it, stay on the trail, yada yada yada.”

“I’m not familiar with ‘yada yada yada.’”

“Hush, my darling,” tutted Cardan before continuing with his explanation. “And ‘take no prisoners’ means that you don’t take anything out of nature. Like a pretty rock or a dead squirrel or a mushroom that has the potential to be psychedelic.” 

“Yes, those are precisely the trinkets I want as souvenirs,” Jude teased. Cardan only shrugged his shoulders and melted her heart with his smile.

“This way,” he said, gently leading her down a narrower path. After almost thirty minutes of walking they emerged into a clearing of grass overlooking a small waterfall flowing down a face of rocks and a pool of water surrounded by blue flowers. Mesmerized, Jude crept up to the bank of forget-me-nots and stared at her reflection mirrored in the pool of water. All sound seemed to be muffled in the little clearing, the perfect circle of grass separating the forest from the little pond. It felt magical and Jude stole a glance at Cardan. 

“How did you find this place?” She asked.

Instead of answering, Cardan set down the basket in his arms and pulled a checkered blanket from its depths. He placed the folded blanket over one arm like a tea towel and held his finger to his face in imitation of a mustache. “Will the lady be dining alone today?” He asked in a horrible french accent.

“Yes. Yes, she will.”

“I’m afraid I must insist on joining you.”

“Mmm. No thanks.”

Cardan laughed and it was warmer than sunlight. “Will you let me join you if I promise never to talk in that accent again?”

Jude pretended to consider this for a moment. “I suppose,” she dragged out, running her eyes along the length of his body. “You would make for rather handsome company.”

With a grin, Cardan whipped open the blanket and laid it out on the grass with a bit of theatrics, indicating with a slight bow and an extended hand that Jude should sit. After joining her on the blanket, Cardan opened the basket once again and peered inside.

“I hope you like the concept of food more than actually eating it because I forgot to actually pack any,” he said seriously. 

“Cardan!”

“I’m joking, I’m joking!” He held his hands up in surrender and laughed as Jude attempted to toss a nearby leaf in his face. “Let’s see what we’ve actually got in here, shall we?” And so he proceeded to produce fresh bread, soft cheeses, fancy meats, a variety of fruits, and chocolate pastries from the basket. After laying out their feast, he then pulled plastic plates, two cups, and a bottle of grape juice from the bottom of the picnic basket.

“Why grape juice?” Jude asked with a laugh.

“Because, darling, I have to drive and I know you’re not big on alcohol. But I still wanted to stick to the spirit of things, hence the grape juice instead of wine.”

“You really thought of everything.”

“Yes, well,” Cardan released a labored breath, faking humility, “I am rather thoughtful.”

Jude rolled her eyes and leaned in to catch Cardan’s mouth with her own. The kiss finally shut him up and he cradled the sides of her face in his hands, gently tugging her closer until she was nearly in his lap. He deepened the kiss, turning it from something soft to something desperate as Jude ran her hands through his hair. She caught his bottom lip between her teeth and bit down, causing him to release a shaky breath into her mouth. Cardan’s hands slid down to grip her hips and pull her into his lap so she was straddling him as they continued to kiss until they were breathless. Jude knew if she didn’t stop now, they really would both end up naked like Cardan had claimed. Reluctantly, she drew back to look at him. His eyes, already nearly black to begin with, seemed even darker. She felt something pull deep in her abdomen at the sight of him. Maybe…? No, she resolved, not in public. Giving him one last kiss, Jude withdrew back to her spot on the blanket, Cardan’s hand reaching out to her with a look of desperation on his face. Lord help her, he was giving her those puppy dog eyes. 

With a laugh, she playfully swatted his hand away and said, “Later.”

As if to prove her point, the sounds of a family walking nearby with their giggling kids and barking dog drifted into their little nook.

Cardan sighed. “I suppose you’re right. Wouldn’t want to shock that poor family by ravaging each other right here in this very romantic alcove.”

After they finished eating, they ended up taking off their shoes and rolling up their pant legs to dangle their feet in the water. A frog croaked somewhere along the banks and birds flew to the water before darting away again. Beside her, Cardan laid back in the grass with his eyes closed.

“How did you even find this place?” Jude asked again softly.

Cardan opened his eyes and fixed them on Jude. “Sometimes I need to get away.”

“So you run to the woods?” Jude teased.

“Yes, obviously,” Cardan huffed as he sat up and nudged her with his shoulder. “Haven’t you ever wanted to become a forest cryptid after running away from society?”

Jude laughed. “No, I can’t say that I have.”

“You should try it sometime. Wailing in the woods is very cathartic.”

By the time they left the park, the sun was beginning to set. They had accidentally fallen asleep while staring up at the clouds and only woke up when Jude began drooling on Cardan’s stomach and he had woken up with a small shriek thinking there was a spider crawling on him. 

The car ride was pleasantly quiet, Jude’s head blissfully free of worries, Cardan’s thumb tracing circles along the back of her hand on the console between them. Jude had to admit it was a good birthday.

As if he could hear her thoughts, Cardan broke the silence. “Why don’t you celebrate your birthday?” The question was hesitant, leaving Jude the space to ignore it should she not want to share this little tidbit of her life. But after everything she’d already shared with Cardan, it seemed silly to hide this. Honestly, it was something she’d bottled up for so many years that she found the prospect of sharing it to be like lifting a weight off her chest.

“It makes me sad,” she replied barely above a whisper. “I miss my parents. Madoc always did something for our birthday but it wasn’t the same, you know? I miss the way my mom would squeeze us in her arms after we blew out the candles, and how my dad would try to take a picture but end up blinding us or himself with the flash. My mom loved those prank candles that would keep relighting after you blew them out and Taryn would shriek and I’d laugh and my dad would say I was going to be an arsonist if I didn’t get my fascination with fire under control.”

Cardan gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “They sound wonderful,” he said very quietly.

“They were.” Jude wiped a stray tear off her face and stared out the window as they lapsed back into silence.

From her back pocket, Jude’s phone started screaming it's ringtone at her, making her jump hard enough to bash her elbow into the car door. “Sonofabi--,” she exclaimed as she dug the phone from her jeans and answered it right before it went to voicemail. “Hello?”

“Where the fuck are you?” Vivi’s frantic voice filtered through the phone.

“What? Why, what’s going on?” Panic was starting to build in Jude’s chest and she saw her same fear reflected in Cardan’s gaze as he looked to her for what she needed from him.

“It’s your birthday!” Vivi said, like this explained everything. The worry in Jude’s chest dissolved into irritation.

“So?” 

“So?!” Vivi repeated. “So Taryn and I are already at Madoc’s for your birthday dinner and you’re nowhere to be found.”

“Oh fuck. Fuck! I totally forgot!” 

“Obviously! Look, I’ll try to stall until you get here. Taryn brought Locke so you might as well bring Cardan too. Get here as fast as you can, dumbass.” With that, Vivi hung up.

Jude turned to Cardan, where he was looking at her expectantly.  “We have to go to my dad’s.”

They barely made it through the front door before Vivi was upon them like a hyena. “Thank god you’re here, Madoc is starting to throw a fit.”

As if summoned by the mention of his name, Madoc stepped into the foyer and gave Jude a withering look. “Why aren’t you dressed?” He barked.

Jude was fairly certain her clothes hadn’t fallen off, leaving her standing in the doorway naked, but she still looked down at herself in assessment. She was very clearly dressed. 

“Never mind, some of your old dresses are still in your room, you must get changed before the guests arrive.” He took in Cardan’s attire and made a face like he had just drank spoiled milk. “I suppose you’ll do.”

Jude was feeling a little lost. “Guests?”

“Yes, Jude, guests. This is, afterall, a birthday party. I don’t want you embarrassing me in front of all our family friends and associates, so I suggest you go change out of that ratty sweater before everyone arrives.” Without waiting for a reply, Madoc left the room in the same storm he had entered it with.

“Guests?” Jude asked again, this time directing her attention at Vivi.

Vivi shrugged. “Oh you know dear old dad, he’ll turn everything into a business affair given half the chance. Now go get dressed so I don’t have to bury you on your birthday.”

Jude's childhood bedroom was sparse. Most of her things had been moved to her apartment after leaving Madoc’s, but there were a few things left behind: a bed, a handful of stuffed animals, an old dresser that was long but low with an attached mirror, and a bookcase with children's books still lining it's shelves. It was this last one that Cardan drifted to as Jude shut the door behind her. She drifted to her closet and the few dresses that remained there.

"Alice in Wonderland?" He said, taking a collectors edition off the top shelf. "This was my favorite book as a kid."

"You can have it," Jude said as she walked out of the closet in her chosen dress for the night and leaned against the nightstand after zipping the back up the rest of the way. Cardan raised his eyebrows at her over his shoulder and set the book down on the bed.

"It's your birthday," he purred, coming up to her and running his hands along her hips before shifting them so they were pressed squarely against his. He easily lifted her up and set her down on the dresser for him to settle between her knees. Jude felt her breath catch. "I'm supposed to be the one giving you a gift." 

"Is the gift sex?" Jude breathed as Cardan ran his lips along her throat. 

He chuckled against her collarbone, and lord help her, she felt hot all over. 

"No," he said, his voice low and undeniably sexy. "But the option's always on the table."

He continued to leave a trail of hot kisses along her skin as her almost feverish body continued to get hotter. Cardan was driving her crazy, and if the smile he pressed into her pulse point was any indication, he knew it to.

"God, this dress, Jude…"

"What? Don't like it?" She managed, looking down at the midnight blue fabric that hugged her curves nicely before pooling loosely just above her knees.

"I like you in it, that's for sure. But I'd also like you without it right about now." Cardan's fingers were gently running up the sides of her thighs. 

"Then take it off," she whispered in his ear.

His fingers came to the hem of her underwear and she shimmied out of them as he gently tugged them down. Then his hands were right where she wanted them, teasing her, exploring her, all while he continued to kiss every available inch of her skin. She gasped and, without fully meaning too, dug her nails into Cardan's shoulder as he inserted a finger. He was going too damn slow. She wanted more more more more.

"Cardan," she moaned. He smiled against her skin once more and added another finger. "Fuck, Cardan."

His strokes were reverent, like he was worshipping her. With his free hand he slid the strap of her dress off her right shoulder. Then her left. Her dress pooled around her waist on the dresser and his mouth found her breasts.

More more more more.

"This is all I've been able to think about since we kissed earlier," he said against her mouth.

"Yeah?" 

"Jude…"

She kissed him, the kiss getting more and more desperate as his fingers continued to stroke her. His rhythm was slowly dissolving as his own desire drove him just as crazy. He wanted her just as much as she wanted him, and she wanted him bad.

"Do you have a condom?" She asked around her panting.

"Would you hate me if I said I've been carrying one since the first time we had sex?" 

Jude's laugh was low and sultry. "No, I wouldn't hate you. If anything I'd say thank god."

His fingers found a particularly sensitive spot and she bit her lip to contain the last half of a yelp that tore through her. She could feel her hips rocking against him even though she wasn't consciously doing it. When she looked down, she could see cardan hard and straining against his tight jeans.

"Get the condom," she pleaded.

Much to her disappointment, Cardan withdrew the hand inside her to remove his wallet from his back pocket in order withdraw a condom and shuck off his pants. His mouth found hers in a desperate series of kisses as he slid the condom on and then his hands were on her again and oh she was losing her mind. 

"Cardan?"

"Hmm?"

"The bed."

He backed up and sat down on the edge of the bed. Jude hopped off the dresser, her dress falling the rest of the way off her body to collect in a pool at her feet. Steadily, she walked over to Cardan, aware of his gaze taking in every inch of her exposed skin. His eyes seemed to gleam.

"God you're so fucking beautiful," he said. 

Jude settled into his lap. He was looking up at her in a way that made her stomach tumble even more as he leaned back and braced himself with a hand against the mattress behind him. His other hand cradled Jude against his body. And then, finally, he slid into her.

"Oh, fuck," he whispered as Jude began rocking her hips. His hands grabbed hold of her waist, he buried his head against her chest, and his breath came in short, hot gasps as Jude rode him. 

When he began to move his hips beneath her, Jude let out a cry of pleasure, which drew a chuckle out of cardan.

"As much as I love to hear your moans, you might want to try to be quiet, darling," he purred in that way that made Jude want to do very unholy things to him. 

Her mind was struggling for words as she shoved at his chest to push his back against the mattress. Finally, she managed, "Fuck you, Greenbriar."

"I think you already are."

"Then fuck me."

With a laugh he bucked his hips and she threw her head back in pleasure, Cardan's fingers trailing her exposed throat before sliding into her hair. His free hand had a firm hold on her hips as he rocked his and oh my god she was nearing the edge of a cliff. His teeth grazed her collarbone before finding her nipple, his hand slid in the small space between them and began running circles on her and oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck…

Jude fell off that cliff with a cry as Cardan fell with her.

Trying to catch her breath, Jude collapsed on top of Cardan. Beneath her cheek his chest rose and fell as fast as hers, his heartbeat going a mile a minute. Jude didn't mind the sweat sticking to his skin, or how her own sweaty skin made their stomachs stick together. She just laid with her head on his chest, legs still around his hips, and closed her eyes as his fingers stroked her back, her hair, tucking a stray strand behind her ear. Jude decided she could live in this moment forever. Being held by Cardan after being loved by him, slowly beginning to doze off as she breathed in the scent of his skin, enveloped in the warmth of it.

"Jude," he said gently.

"Hmm?"

"We should probably make ourselves decent and go back downstairs before someone comes looking for us." This elicited a groan of a different variety than moments before from Jude. Cardan gave a soft laugh and pressed his lips against her sweaty forehead. 

"Come on, Jude. I'd rather not get caught having sex with you by your dad."

"But you're not having sex with me anymore," she teased. This made Cardan smile wickedly. Before she could think about the wisdom behind her own taunt, Cardan had them flipped over so he was on top of her. 

"You're right, my sweet villain," he purred, "but I can still drive you crazy." His fingers grazed down her stomach, millimeters away from where she was once again hot all over, before he pulled away from her and started pulling on his pants.

"I really fucking hate you sometimes, you know that?" Jude said.

With a laugh, Cardan buckled his pants and leaned over the bed so he was propped over Jude again. "Come on," he said, helping her sit up. "We can pick up where we left off once we get back to your apartment." 

That didn't seem soon enough. But Cardan was handing her her dress and she grumpily slipped it on. After both using the bathroom attached to her room, she led the way to her bedroom door and was about to pull it open when Cardan's hand stopped her. Gently, so gently, he spun her around and pressed her back against the door. He kissed her, once, and then he was pulling open the door, his fingers interlocking with hers, and they were going back downstairs.

The party passed in a blur. The guests were there more for Madoc than for Jude and Taryn and the twins seemed to orbit on different axises. Jude saw Taryn in passing but never stopped to talk, and Vivi tried to split her time between the two of them while making sure they both knew how much it irritated her. Throughout the night, Cardan stole kisses in secluded places. The empty kitchen, a corner in the hallway, behind a potted plant by the tables overflowing with food. On the back patio with the stars shining down on them. Jude cherished every kiss, every touch, and felt herself fall a little more each time.

“Happy birthday, Jude,” Cardan whispered against her skin as he settled an opal necklace around her throat.

[catchyoulaterhotdog]

Country boy, I love you AU

What’s up, i’m back on my bullshit with this self indulgent country boy!Willie and city boy!Alex au. The new tag is country boy I love you au because I finally came up with a name. Since I don’t really write I wanted to write out some head canons for this au as I pump out more drawings. Put under the cut for anyone who doesn’t want to read all my ramblings.

Willie

Last name is Thomson, lives with his family on a big farm, has an older brother and a younger sister, plus his cousin Flynn lives with him!

Absolutely loves animals and getting up early. My boy is up crowing with the Roosters.

Can cook and bake like a god, predominantly works in the bakery in the back of his parent’s market. You have to try his homemade donuts, they’re to die for.

His parents are Renee and Allen, his sister is Fivel, his brother Matthew. Y’all already know Flynn

Absolutely loves horses!!! Had a horse boy phase, probably still in it.

His parents and trainer try to get him to do horse shows but he’d much rather go on trail rides all day

His formal trainer is Caleb Covington, who wishes he’d use his skills for much more than just running around the woods and pretending to be Merida from Brave.

Absolute best friends with Reggie and Julie, who he’s known all of his life. Reggie works as a stable keep and Julie works at the market with him.

Flynn and him are tight-knit, and tease each other about their respective crushes on some cute but definitely out of place people on the farm.

Friendly as hell but super energetic a lot of the time, can take some time to get use to him.

Carries around stim toys for him and Reggie in his bag, even sometimes puts them in saddle bags when they go out for rides.

Assigned to help out Alex, a new boy to town who just needed a job and didn’t expect this.

Alex

Lives with Carrie and Trevor Wilson, Carrie being his cousin, since coming out to his parents didn’t go so well

Trevor decides to move out to the countryside to find some new inspiration for his music and get out of the stuffy city life.

Trevor becomes friends with Ray (cough cough) and Alex is introduced to his daughter Julie

They hit it off and when Alex mentions needing a job, Julie recommends him to the Thomsons.

Shows up to his first day of work in a nice shirt plus his fanny pack, along with some nice jeans he had patched and painted with Carrie.

Willie is enamored but is like, what the hell are you wearing? As Willie stands there in beat up overalls and a very loose flannel button up. 

Alex is not amused, going through mud and hay and all this gunk to work with animals.

Low key terrified of the horses at first, the only animal he trusts is Willie’s beloved sheep dog, named Hot Dog for some reason???

Thinks Willie is hot way too energetic and kind of hates him at first.

Rants to Carrie, think Draco ranting about Harry to his dad, “You won’t believe what he made me do today!!! I almost slipped and ended up pig food! And He had the audacity to look so good in messy braids and overalls covered in filth!”

Low-key wishes he had a job in the market instead but is slowly coming around.

Does have one cow that he absolutely loves

Does absolutely 100% not have a crush on Willie shut the fuck up Carrie.

Julie

Absolute sweetheart and a half, we know this

Lives with her dad and brother in a nice house not too far from Willie’s, they grew up together and him and Flynn are her absolute best friends

Reggie she’s meant a few times but doesn’t really have a lot of time to check out the stables, he seems really nice though.

Works mostly in the bakery part with Willie, she can frost a cupcake like nobody’s business.

Absolutely adores music and she organizes a quarterly concert on the farm where anyone can sign up and help raise funds for cancer awareness (Started after her mom died)

One day a newcomer shows up and his name is Luke

She thinks he is absolutely obnoxious at first, wayyyy too flirty and wayyy too full of himself

Once he catches sight of her though he makes it his mission to go to the farmer’s market as much as possible without seeming to creepy

And maybe, maybe Julie’s starting to think he’s funny

No he’s not cute shut up Alex!!!

Reggie

Horse trainer and stable hand for the Thomsons

Willie loves going on long trail rides with him, they really get each other

Absolutely loves his job and the friends he’s made at the barn

Very common for him to stay with Willie when his parents are fighting

The first one to make friends with Alex on the farm (After Julie), they bond over a shared love of many 90s bands and he helps him come around to the horses

Thinks watching him and Willie in the beginning stages is absolutely hilarious

Takes Alex shopping for some actual appropriate clothing

Gets crushes really really easily, probably has had one on everybody on the farm at some point.

Absolutely loves Julie’s quarterly concerts and always plays the same song-Home is where my horse is

Sometimes on really busy days he’ll help out Willie and Julie in the market

Met Luke at the same concert Julie did and is now very happy to play matchmaker

He loves love!!!

Is trying to teach Luke horseback riding but it’s not going so well

May or may not be the reason the sheep dog is named Hot Dog

Luke

Lives with his friend, Nick, since he ran away from his parents. 

Has dedicated himself to music, and found out about a concert that a local farm did

There he meets Julie and Reggie and he loves them both

Makes it his mission to try and court the lovable but sassy Julie with Reggie as his wingman

Meets Alex and they bond over being into music and a little less country oriented than everyone else.

Though Alex will tell him off if he’s holding up business

Constantly gets snuck onto the farm by Reggie

First to notice the insane tension between Willie and Alex

Flynn

Lives with Willie since her parents travel a lot

Loves the farm but not as much as Willie, she’s not as big into the animals

Always performs with Julie at the concerts

Works in the market but in the produce section

Does hijack the speakers to play modern music

Meets Alex’s sister(?), she thinks Carrie is his sister at first.

Everyone thinks they hate each other but Willie, who realizes Flynn has a big crush on Carrie and tries to get her a job

Flynn will absolutely not admit her crush though 

Is very intrigued by whatever Luke and Julie have going on and teams up with Reggie to make it a thing

No one expects it but Reggie and her make a bomb ass team

They’re pretty close but they don’t hang out as often as they should

Carrie

Absolutely hates this move, even more than Alex

Goes to the farm with him a few times and almost cried when one of her dresses got ruined because a certain worker smashed into her with crates of produce

Though she couldn’t cry because the beautiful girl who smashed into her and was talking a mile a minute had absolutely enamored her.

Alex thinks it is hilarious since it’s finally reversed and she’s not teasing him about his crushes

Carrie is determined to get this girl to like her, but isn’t quite sure how. 

Finds an in when she becomes friends with Julie and Julie knows right away what’s going on between her two friends

Just a lot of oblivious gay pining

[diamondcamefromhell]

Finding home ~

Jaskier x Reader

[a reupload, as the first time it didnt show up in any tags, for some reason - trying to see if this fixes that x]

This was an amazing request my anon:

“ Can I request a Jaskier x reader where the reader has a massive crush on him and is jealous of all the girls he’s always with and just feels super insecure and like she’ll never be enough and on one day when she is feeling particularly down in the dumps she just breaks down and Jaskier finds her like that? Like start with angst end with fluff type thing? “

Thank you for this. i didnt even know that I needed this a lot. to write it and feel it and what not. i loved writing it. sorry it took so long for me to get to it. i hope you like it nonetheless.

Warnings: drinking (not sure if this should be a warning, but i guess better safe than sorry)

Word count: 2,497 (my longest one yet!)

Requests are open, and all feedback is appreciated!

There are things you never get used to, your crush being surrounded by a herd of women is one of them. When I began having a crush on Jaskier, at first I was sure I could keep it under the wraps, get it out of my head and heart easily. I never wanted to like such a flirt anyways. But life works in funny ways.

The more I liked the bard, the more women seemed to gather around him. His singing was like flowers, and they were bees, looking for them. His honey must’ve been sweet.

I grunt, making my way across the tavern to Jaskier, who’s chatting with some woman. She’s pretty, I cant deny that, but I ignore her, inserting myself in front of the lady. Being this close to the bard does make my heart beat faster than I like, but I ignore it.

“Jaskier.” I say, smiling at him, praying to whoever listens that my blush on the cheeks just seems like alcohol redness.

“Y/N?” He raises his eyebrows, and I notice him glance over my shoulder at the woman behind me. My stomach twists, wondering if he’s comparing her to me.

“Maybe we should head out?” I say, lifting my arm, getting ready to push the bard ever so little. But it stays frozen in mid-air, as Jaskier moves out of the way. I try to hide my annoyance, taking a moment to gather myself, before I look at him again.

“The night is still young, Y/N.” He picks up his lute, smiling at me, and then giving a wink at the woman behind me. My chest tightens.

“Geralt is…” Jaskier scoffs, cutting me off.

“Geralt can wait!” He shouts, picking up a tune.

I stand there, helplessly watching him. I know he’s doing what he does best – entertaining people. Flirting. I wish he didn’t have to do it all the time. The woman he was previously talking to pushes me to the side, giving me a nasty look, before facing Jaskier and going to dance to his ballad.

My blood boils as I feel anger wash over me, but I manage to collect myself. I don’t like losing my cool, especially not for random women. All of us are the same, falling under bard’s beautiful curse. He can’t help but be so lovable. I know there is not an ounce of bad intentions in Jaskier’s heart, and he does not wish to hurt me or anyone else, for that matter.

But this still did make my chest feel uncomfortable and my stomach tie in knots.

I take another cup of ale, staring as two more women become enticed by his music. They twist their bodies in a way that almost seems inappropriate, but it’s a fine line and they thread it well. I cant complain, they are just having fun. Unlike me, brooding here at the bar.

I analyse them, so confident in their bodies, knowing how to handle it, mapping every move perfectly. They find their footing easily, dancing to the rhythm, offering beautiful smiles to the bard. Even their hair, clipped back perfectly, only a few strands curtaining their faces. They were beautiful. You could write so many songs about them.

Unlike me. I could never dance with such ease and whenever I tried to clip my hair, it would all fall on my face, making me look crazy. Having a nice dress was not an option, as we were always on a move. I wish I could at least pretend to be half those women. I chug the last bit of ale, my liquid courage, making my way to the bard yet again.

Jaskier sees me attempt at dancing, giving me a smirk, approaching me. He twists around me, as we seem to dance together, but he soon trails off, to other dancers, leaving a cold spot in my heart. When he finishes his song, before he can get his hands on other, I jump in front of him.

“I don’t want Geralt to be angry.” I whisper, gently tapping his arm. Jaskier sighs.

“It’s not like we are going anywhere tonight, Y/N. And believe it or not,” he winks at me, making my heart flutter. “Witcher is not such a baby, he can fall asleep on his own.”

“I know that.” I try to look for an excuse, something that would drag him out of this tavern, away from these women, who were looking at me, angrily. I feel like I am surrounded by wolves. “I just don’t want him to come here and ruin our night.”

“Then maybe you should go be with him,” one of the women barks at me, as I helplessly grip onto Jaskier’s top tighter. “Instead of ruining everyone’s night.”

“Easy there, ladies.” Jaskier’s tone is still playful, but his eyes grow a little bit cold. “There is enough Jaskier for everyone.”

“We just want to have fun.” She basically droops herself on him, pushing me away. “She has you all the time, we want to dance just for one night.”

I pray Jaskier doesn’t fall for her sweet words, and for a moment, I get hopeful, as he gently nudges her off himself. But then he picks up his lute yet again, playing a tune. Slowly, I am pushed further and further away from the bard, as my heart aches.

Anger boils over me again, as I rush to grab someones cup from the nearest table, heading straight for the girl who pushed me and did the talking. I ‘accidently’ walk into her, spilling the drink all on her dress. She gawks and other women gather around her, squealing like rats. I see Jaskier rush to get something to clean her dress, realizing that he won’t be leaving anytime soon – so I make my leave.

The night is cool - I feel cold bite me. I am not dressed appropriately, as I realize that I left my coat in the tavern. Returning for it would mean having to face those women again. Seeing them twirl around bard, my bard, was too much for my heart too handle. So I just wrap my hands around me, as I realize I am not shaking only because of the cold.

I’m upset. Angry. Sad. I didn’t even know anymore. I was tired of seeing Jaskier be with all those women all the time. He doesn’t even need to try, they sniff him out like prey. He loves attention, he’s sweet and caring, and any person with a brain loves that. I wish I didn’t have to share him with the whole entire world.

Of course, I have to remind myself that he is in fact, not even mine. And by the looks of it, he never will be.

He always seemed to fall for everyone, but me.

Tears burn my eyes, as I pick up my step, fearful some townsfolks may see me. When I am finally in the woods, my heart calms down. I am so glad we didn’t have enough coin to afford a tavern tonight, being in the woods offered an escape and shelter I so desperately needed.

I see campfire and Geralt, still awake, sitting by it. His lips move, and I know he’s talking to Roach again. I make a b line, realizing I don’t want to have to talk to him. Nor do I want him to see the tears, who have so brutally made their escape, streaming down my face.

I head for a river nearby, dropping on my knees, resting my head on a tree. I cover my mouth, making sure that the Witcher can’t hear my silent sobs, I shake uncontrollably. I never knew a simple crush could cause so much heartache, so much pain. I see my reflection in the river.

I take a rock, sending it at it. It splashes all over me, but I don’t care. I don’t even care if I alerted Geralt. I cant begin to care at all. I hate being surrounded by beautiful women, who know all the right things to say. They smell of cinnamon and apples, not of horses like I do. They were everything I could never be, and that was why Jaskier always gazed at them.

And they gazed at him, in return, he would gift them songs. They would gift him with dances and kisses. It was a flawless, perfect exchange that I have seen so many times, yet have never gotten a hang off. I could never perform it, no matter how much I wanted to.

I fully lean on a tree, covering my face, completely silencing my sobs. I trap them inside me, where they should stay. The wind picks up and the breeze is cold, making me shiver even more. I uncover my face, staring at the river, wondering if things could ever change. I don’t like my odds.

I hear a branch break to the right of me, turning around, startled. My fear doesn’t go away, as I see Jaskier, standing there, his hands up in the air, as if he’s surrendering. What is he doing here? I want to wipe my face and pretend I am fine, but instead, I feel my lips shake as more tears come. I look away, shielding my face from him with one hand.

“Y/N.” He says, softly, as I shake my head. I want to tell him to go away, but I am scared of how my voice would sound. “Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” I manage to say, as my voice shakes.

“You don’t.” Jaskier answers, making his way towards me. Slowly, however, as if he’s cornering an animal. I wonder, just how bad do I look.

“Then don’t ask stupid questions.” I sniffle, wiping my nose with my sleeve. Not very ladylike. “And leave me alone.”

“I think you could use a friend.” He says, keeling to my level. Friend. Always a friend.

“I could use alone time.” I try to argue, but Jaskier is already sitting down. Our shoulders touch and the warmth he provides makes my tense body relax just a little. His hand lands on my knee, and I want to pull away, but I don’t. At the end of the day, it’s his touch that I crave.

“I’m sorry.” He apologizes, but I don’t look at him. My gaze is fixed on a river. It flows so effortlessly, without struggle, I wish life was this way. “Listen, Y/N, I never wanted to make you upset.”

“You didn’t.” I say, not taking my eyes off the river. I notice big rocks in it, obstructing it’s flow.

“I didn’t want those ladies to upset you, then.” He changes his words, squeezing my knee. My eyes water yet again, but I blink it away.

“They didn’t Jaskier.” My voice breaks halfway through, sounding deeper and rougher after it. “Nobody upset me. I did it to myself.”

“I hate seeing you like this.” I continue staring at the river.

“Then leave.” I say, breaking my own heart. The river doesn’t flow simply, it has things obstructing it’s way too. Nothing in life is simple. I take my eyes off it, glancing at Jaskier. “You don’t have to see me like this.”

“I do.” He doesn’t seem to be fazed by my words, as he gently smiles. “I care about you, Y/N. Truly, I do. And I don’t care how angry or upset you are, I want to see it all. Because I don’t only care about the happy you, I care about all of you.”

“You don’t have to.” I repeat myself, like a parrot. My mind is blank, as I soak his words in.

“Right. I don’t have to, I guess.” He sighs, leaning on my tree too. Our faces are almost touching. I close my eyes. “But I want too, then. I get tired off all those perfect women, with their perfect lives and perfect hair. Believe it or not, perfect is boring.”

“But perfect is perfect.” I argue. I understand what he means, however I still want to be perfect. Perfectly boring. “Nothing can beat that.”

“Spilling a drink on a girl sure beats that.” He giggles, as I feel his body shake. I blush, not opening my eyes. “Being unapologetically and imperfectly yourself beats that too. Once you get the taste of perfect, you realize that fine wine is highly overrated.”

“So you prefer cheap ale?” I tease, as my body relaxes even more. With my eyes closed, I don’t see him, but feeling him, I know he’s here. I know he’s listening. It makes it so much easier to talk, truly open up.

“Yes. I guess I do.” His hand finds mine, squeezing it in a tight embrace. “It’s like coming home, where I don’t have to pretend. I don’t even like wine, yet I drink it. Blending in with the crowd you’re entertaining is what I do it for.”

“Isn’t it in bards blood to stand out?” I open my eyes, not looking at him. I listen to us breathing, as he thinks of an answer.

“You are correct yet again, my darling.” He sighs. “But stand out too much, you become a royal clown. Stand out too little, you fade away. You need a perfect amount of attention and praise.”

“You love attention anyways.” I see him nod, as he smiles.

“Empty attention is empty attention.” He leans forward from the tree, as I see him face me. I don’t turn to do the same. “It only matters when it’s coming from someone who truly cares about you. All of you.”

“How can you tell if it’s genuine or empty?” I turn to him now. His eyes shine, seemingly reflecting the stars in them. I try to look away, but his cosmos has sucked me in.

“You just know.” He leans in, placing his forehead on mine. I close my eyes, as my breath cuts short. “While we all enjoy finer things in life, there is nothing like people who make you feel at home.”

“Like Geralt.” I say, breathlessly. I try to divert the conversation, scared to get my hopes up, just for them to be shattered again.

“Like you, Y/N.” The way my names slides off his lips sends my heart to a race. I feel my face heat up, as tears prick my eyes yet again.

As he realizes I am crying, he pulls me to his chest, gently rubbing my back. Jaskier allows me to feel it out, to cry it out. Not worrying if I ruin his fine outfit or if I smell of Roach.

He doesn’t care about that. He didn’t need someone with a fancy dress or perfect hair. This little bard was more than just someone who was aiming for fine thrills. He was looking for a home, something exciting. Something not perfect.

And I guess somewhere in there, I fit in. Perfectly.