#i only recently started putting the labels into the centers of my balls so some of my stash yarns have lost their labels

[gardenvarietycrafts]

WIP Wednesday (Belatedly)

I know it's been a minute since I've posted, but my partner got me Stardew Valley and I am obsessed with it and haven't been knitting as much. I did pick back up my needles recently, though, so here's what I'm currently working on:

I just cast on the Leafy Leaf cowl. I was going to wait until I had finished something else first (the Dustland shawl being the main one I'd wanted to finish before starting this cowl) but I recently watched a Nimble Needles video with tips and tricks for the experienced knitter and just had to try this one! The tip is that no cast on and bind off will truly match perfectly, because they're just formed differently no matter what, but to match exactly you can provisional cast on, knit the work, then bind off both top and bottom with the same bind off technique. I'll update once I'm finished with the cowl to let you know how I like it, but it also gave me an excuse to learn how to provisional cast on in the round!

The second photo shows a little bit closer view of the lace pattern. I've only made it about halfway through the first repeat, but I really like how it's turning out so far. I'm not sold on my guage, though, so I may restart on smaller needles. If I do, I'll still use the provisional cast on then bind off the bottom edge technique.

This one is a hit of a back burner project because I chose a yarn with less stitch definition than I probably should have used for this project, but it's the No Rhinebeck No Problem MKAL 3, and all clues are currently released. I just need to finish the last repeat for clue 3 and then complete clue 4 and I'll be finished with this one.

This one was also in WIP time out for a bit due to the way this yarn knits, but I've picked it back up recently. Working on finishing the heel turn for sock 2 (the more pink sock) and then I'll be back to working on these two at a time in the round. The heels on these are Japanese short row heels, and they'll be a gift for a friend. These are both from the same ball of yarn, and I should be able to get a second pair out of it, which I'll knit exactly the same as these so that all 4 socks can be mixed and matched. My goal is to finish all 4 socks before gifting, but I may just gift these 2 socks first, since my next socks will be a pair for me, I think.

I'm not using a specific pattern for the socks, but they're just stockinette stitch, Japanese short row heels, and I'll use a wedge toe.

Not pictured:

The Dustland shawl - I'm still working on it, slowly, but progress isn't really visible because the stitch pattern just repeats. I have, however, decided to stop just after this pattern repeat, so after the next diagonal rib section (actually, after the garter section after the diagonal rib) because 1, it's huge already, 2, the rows are too long to maintain motivation, and 3, I'd like to not have to use up the whole last ball of this yarn. If I get close to the end of the ball, I'll finish it off there, even if I haven't gotten to where I planned to.

Mitered square blanket - I've decided to add more squares to the width and just make all the squares in the same direction, instead of making panels and seaming them together, so next steps will be adding more squares onto the width of the blanket. But this one likely will also be a long term project, since I have other things I'm focused on working on right now.

Project list, for things I have planned (mostly so I don't forget):

Socks for me using the Duo Sox yarn by Willow Yarns, which is meant for knitting a pair of matching socks and comes with two balls, perfect for the taat method I use

Second pair of apple mittens for my partner. She follows me, so I can't explain how they'll be different because I want it to be a surprise.

Mittens for me to match the hat and cowl I have, though I may also do a stripey cowl with that green and a dark blue yarn I have in my stash. I have an idea to knit a pattern I saw slightly differently to suit my needs better.

A pair of worsted weight socks, because warm and faster to knit.

Tea cozy for my tea pot. The first one I attempted was too small.

[winterfrostlovetriangle]

Mistletoe Kiss

Requested by @devilbat​ - No.’s 1 and 19 of my Christmas prompts.  I hope this is what you were hoping for. Enjoy!

Summary: What will one kiss under the Mistletoe cause the god of Mischief to do? Will his girlfriend see past his tricks and accept his offer? (sorry, still bad at summaries.)

Masterlist

Christmastime in New York was beautiful. Every year the city was decked out - from the gigantic tree in Rockefeller Center to lights on every shop to the large ornaments on Sixth Avenue. You stood at one of the huge glass windows in the Avengers’ Tower, watching the snow fall. It drifted lazily to the ground below. You smiled at the scene. No one was out this late at night - the world was at peace. 

Stifling a yawn, you drank the last of your hot chocolate and made your way to the kitchen. You washed your cup, turned out the lights, and headed to bed. You got into the elevator and slumped against the back wall. Tilting your head against the smooth, cool metal of the car, your gaze drifted upwards, landing on a small green object. You rolled your eyes and chuckled. Mistletoe. 

That little plant had been popping up everywhere the past few weeks - doorways, hallways, rooms. No one was able to resist a chance to kiss their significant other or their crush, every couple would stop. Some would give sweet pecks while others would just go for it. You blushed, remembering Tony and Pepper getting caught under a sprig. Well, you didn’t actually want to recount the story to anyone. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time and left the room as quickly as you could.

Nobody knew who kept hanging up mistletoe or where it even came from, but you had your suspicions. Only one person could be behind it - a certain god who loved to play tricks and create chaos whenever he could. Nowadays though, the tricks were harmless. He had reformed his ways and became an official, trusted member of the Avengers. You gathered from seeing him lurking about, that he was the culprit. A few times when you were by yourself and you came upon some mistletoe, the prince would appear and slowly make his way over. You knew exactly what he was trying to do, so you’d give a salacious wink and bite your lip. Just before he would reach you, you would take off in the other direction and leave him in the dust. 

“Oh, Loki” you sighed getting into bed with a chuckle. 

Yes, love? Thinking about me again, eh?

Why ever would I do that? You sassed. Get out of my head, it’s too late…I’ll see you in the morning.

Fine, good night, Little One. 

You turned on your side and began to fiddle with your necklace. The metal was smooth against your fingers. You thought back to the Christmas you received it. 

*Flashback*

You and Loki had been dating for a while but had never put a label on your relationship. You two had never kissed or used the word love but knew that you cared deeply for each other. You wanted him to make the first move, to be comfortable enough to express his feelings. On Christmas day the year before, the team gathered in the living room to open presents. You watched everyone exchanging gifts and received a few yourself. Loki rejoined you on the couch, this time with a small wrapped package. 

“Happy Christmas, darling” he smiled. “I know we said no gifts, but I want you to have this.”

You opened the box and found a small necklace inside. It was a miniature of Loki’s helmet. You smiled and looked back at him. “Thank you, it’s beautiful.”

Loki’s eyes twinkled, but he looked a little nervous. “I want everyone to see that you are mine. T-that you are my girlfriend” he faltered. 

Your eyes widened. “Really? Y-you want me to be your girlfriend?” 

“Only if you want to be. I know we haven’t talked about it, but I love you and I want to take our relationship to the next level,” Loki explained.

“I would love to be your girlfriend, Loki. I love you too!” You smile and blink back tears. 

“You alright, Dove?” Loki asked. His thumb came up to brush away a stray tear and he cupped your cheek. You nodded. “You can now wear this helmet all the time, instead of taking mine.” 

You laughed. You loved wearing his helmet. It was just so magnificent and impressive. You always put it on when you visited Loki’s room. 

“Hey, you two lovebirds,” Tony called. “Come watch the fireworks.”

Loki glared at Tony for interrupting your moment. He stood up and offered you his hand. “Shall we?” You nod joining him. Loki pulled you into a hug, kissing the top of your head. You melt into his embrace loving the feeling of his arms around you. 

“Ooo, Mr. Loki and Y/N are under the mistletoe. You know what that means, guys,” Peter yells from across the room. 

“Yeah,  Spidey’s right. You gotta kiss now,” Stark eggs. 

“You can’t tell us when to kiss; honestly, you’re a bunch of children,” you huff. “Right, Loki?” You look up at him, only to find him staring at you in a way you’ve never seen before. “Love?” 

Loki brings his hands to caress your cheek again. “Well, I don’t think we should disappoint them, do you?” he asks. 

You shake your head. Loki smiles down at you, before leaning in to brush his lips against yours. You stare at each other again and without knowing who initiated it, your lips reconnect. The kiss tasted like heaven - with a hint of chocolate and wine he’d had for dinner. You moaned unable to hold it in as the young prince nibbled your bottom lip. You felt him smile. You two finally broke apart, resting your foreheads against each other. You registered the sounds of catcalls and whistles coming from the team. Your cheeks turned bright red and you hid your face in Loki’s chest. The god laughed at how cute you were. 

“You have no idea how long I have wanted to do that,” he whispered in your ear. 

“Trust me, I do.” You looked up at him again and he pecked your lips, and you both joined the party again.

*End of Flashback*

You had yet to figure out why Loki was doing it. Being a practical person you decided on the most direct approach and just to ask him. After breakfast, you went to get some training in. Steve said he was going to schedule in a time that morning to help with you with a few weak areas. Instead of finding the super-soldier, you found Loki waiting for you. 

“Hey there, boyfriend,” you cooed walking over to him and wrapping your arms around his neck. 

Loki chuckled and pecked your lips. “Hello, my little dove. The captain said he was busy so I volunteered to help out. Now, grab the gloves and we’ll begin.”

“Yes, sir!” you saluted him. “Loki I need to ask you something,” you started. 

“No, don’t drag your feet. You need to stay on the balls of your feet, light and springy movements, darling,” the young prince corrected. 

“Right, but Loki…”

“Dove, angle your left elbow more, it will help with a more effective punch.” You went to open your mouth again, but Loki cut you off. 

“Clearly you want to ask a question, but talking is distracting you. If you can beat me two times, then you can ask your question, alright?” he countered. You nodded.

After another hour of sparring, and only one victory, Loki decided it was enough training for the day. On your way back to your room, you broached the mistletoe subject. 

“Now may I ask my question you’ve been avoiding all morning?” Loki just smirked. 

“How about after freshening up, we meet in the kitchen. I believe you promised me some cookies,” he said. 

He turned to go, but you grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards you, somehow pinning him to your door. 

“Alright, mister. I know you’re the one who keeps hanging up mistletoe everywhere. My question is why?” you demanded. 

“I don’t know what you are talking about.” You snorted. “But if I were to admit to it, it is for you to figure out.” Loki flipped you over so you were now pinned to the door. “You’re a clever girl, you’ll come up with the right answer.” He pushed himself into making you moan. He leaned his mouth closer to yours but stopped inches away. “Besides, it’s more fun watching you struggle,” he whispered in your ear abruptly turning around and heading to his own room.

Later that night, it was just the two of you watching a Christmas movie on the couch. You, however, weren’t concentrating on anything that was going on. You knew Loki was smiling at how frustrated you were. 

“I have decided that this is nothing more than a cruel joke you are playing on me,” you sighed. You felt Loki stiffen behind you. His whole mood shifted. He moved you off of him and stood up. 

“I am sorry you think that, Y/N. I thought you knew me better. I would never be cruel towards you,” he turned to leave. 

“Wait, where are you going?” you asked. 

“I will give you some time to think about the answer; let me know when you have figured it out. Good night.” 

You were left alone - confused and hurt by his behavior. You went to bed, only to toss and turn all night. 

Christmas had finally arrived! You jumped out of bed excited and ready for the day. Putting on cute pajamas and throwing your hair up in a messy bun, you headed to the kitchen to start breakfast. As the team filtered in, you wished each one a merry Christmas - everyone that is, but Loki. You realized he must still be upset with you, but you still didn’t know why. 

“Happy Christmas, lady Y/N!” Thor boomed. He looked so happy and excited. 

You smiled slightly and shook your head. “Merry Christmas, Thor,” you responded. 

“Y/N, are you alright? Usually, you are joyous on this holiday, what is the matter?” the god asked.

“Nothing, I’m fine. Have you seen Loki recently? He hasn’t been seen an…and he was supposed to help with dinner.” you sniffed. 

“Ehm, he’s fine. Do not worry, lady Y/N, you will see him later. May take his place and help you?” You nodded. 

The two of you laughed and talked through the entire meal prep. Thor recounted more stories of his and Loki’s childhood, some funny and some serious and personal. You loved hearing about the two young god’s adventures. You smiled to yourself. Thor wasn’t the big oaf that everyone thinks he is. He is just so exuberant, he can come off a bit dense, but he truly wasn’t. 

While you were waiting for the last dishes to finish cooking, you went and got ready for dinner and the festivities later. Hoping to catch Loki’s eye tonight, you dug through your wardrobe for the perfect outfit. Finally finding it, you got dressed and fixed your hair. 

Dinner was superb and everyone toasted the chefs multiple times. 

Still no Loki, you thought. Sighing you began to clear the table. 

“Y/N, go put your feet up. We’ll clean up,” Steve offered. One step ahead of you, the captain put his hand out, “I insist, you cooked dinner. It’s the least we could do.”

You smiled at the super-soldier. “Thanks, Steve. That sounds lovely.” You made your way to the living room and went straight for the window. You watched the snow fall. Lost in thoughts of your boyfriend, you didn’t notice someone walk up behind you. You stiffened as a pair of arms circled your waist. Seeing his reflection in the glass, you smiled and relaxed into the embrace as Loki pulled you against him. You both stood silently, just enjoying the snow and each other. 

Loki was first to break the silence, I am sorry, love. Sorry for getting upset and walking out on you last night.” He squeezed you affectionately. “It was wrong of me.”

“What exactly did I say that got you so upset?” you questioned. Whatever it was, I’m sorry. And I’m sorry I haven’t figured the meaning behind all the mistletoe…I feel so stupid.”

Loki turned you so you were facing him. “You’re not! I’m sorry I made you feel that way. You are amazing. I wasn’t upset for that long, Dove. Promise,” the prince smiled down at you. 

“But you never came to breakfast or dinner.”

“Ah, I had to finish your gift. It took me longer than I thought.” He kissed your forehead. “I wanted it to be perfect.” 

You smiled. 

Loki leaned forward, his hands running up and down your sides. “Did you wear this for me, pet?” he whispered. “You certainly look ravishing.”

You nodded slowly, biting your lip. “I wanted you to notice me tonight.”

“Oh, you are hard not to notice; especially looking like this.” Loki squeezed your sides again, though this time more intimately, making you gasp in surprise. He smirked and glanced up. 

You followed his gaze and saw mistletoe hanging above you. Your eyes flicked back to his, and the look you saw was loving and full of lust. You licked your lips in anticipation. Your boyfriend connected his mouth to yours in a sweet kiss. Suddenly your back was pushed against the window. Loki smashed his lips to yours, rough and needy. Closing your eyes, you moaned into the kiss and you could feel him smirk. This moment felt like heaven - the kiss and the sensation of his hands roaming your body - you never wanted it to stop. You both pulled away and rested your forehead against his. As you tried to catch your breaths, realization dawned. You let your head rest against the glass, feeling utterly stupid.

“Have you been trying to recreate our first kiss all this time?” you asked. “How did I not see it?”

Loki chuckled. “See, I told you you were clever. I will admit I was teasing you quite a bit with all the mistletoe.” He let go of your hips and grabbed your hands instead. “Ever since our first kiss, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. I just didn’t know how to tell you until recently. “Y/N, you are smart, confident, funny, and amazing. You have broken down my walls, walls I never thought could fall. You have taught me to a better man. I want to show you how much you mean to me if you will let me. I love you, Y/N. Will you marry?” The god brought out a small velvet box.

You were speechless and crying. Quickly recovering your senses, you smiled and spoke before he could show you the ring. “On one condition,” you smirked. Loki quirked his eyebrow. 

“Kneel.”

Loki froze for a minute, completely shocked. But obeyed. Sinking down to one knee he took a breath. 

“Will you marry me, my queen?” This time he opened the box and revealed a gorgeous ring. The delicate sterling silver band held a square emerald, framed with small diamonds. You gasped and stared at it in awe. 

Realizing you hadn’t given him an answer, you found your voice. “Yes, Loki! I would love nothing more than to marry you,” you exclaimed.

Loki smiled and slipped the ring on your finger. Standing up he pulled you to him, once again pressing his lips to yours. Cheers erupted from the kitchen. You forgot all about the team until now as they came out to congratulate you. 

After presents and hours of celebration, you and Loki stood to leave.

“You know, I don’t think I ever opened your gift,” the young prince said stopping in the hallway to kiss you. “You didn’t?” you feigned innocency. “Must have left it in my room, but I’m not convinced you’ve earned it.”

“What? I have been very good,” Loki argued.

 “So, the explosions in Tony’s lab and hair-dye in Thor’s shampoo were….”

“Harmless bits of fun,” the god finished. “No serious damage was done to the lab and Thor’s natural color came back…eventually.” His eyes twinkling with laughter. 

“I don’t know,” you started.

Loki cut you off with another breathtaking kiss.

“Hmm, just how good were you this year?” you asked with a wink.

The trickster picked up you bridal-style causing you to gasp. “Let me show you just how good, pet.” 

Let’s just say that Loki was very convincing that night…

[somethingimnotembarassedbylater]

identity

this one’s tricky. i don’t know how i feel about it. you can’t categorize a person in one box, but it makes things easier when you have labels doesn’t it? is what i’m doing right now permanent enough to be a title? is what i spent my time doing 3 years ago but still keep up with enough to be a title? what counts as enough? 

i started listening to this podcast and honestly its been really interesting. it touched upon the topic of identities, as we know them today, as being a western concept. that statement itself is not hard to come to terms with because the moment you hear it, it clicks - yes. my social learning and unlearning has been done mainly through the internet, which in my case is very largely centered around western ideologies. it’s where i learned how high-schools worked in real life, where i learned sexual health, where i discovered ways of thinking i would have never been exposed to in my day to day life. i’m largely thankful for this, but at some point i realized as well, what i’m learning, i’m learning through the framework of a western mind. that is the standard and it does not budge. 

when i think about who i am i can list a couple of things: pakistani, muslim, introvert, really into picturesque things, passionate, private, shy, idealistic, adventurous, vain, insecure, proud, kinda all of it and more. maybe this will change as i grow but maybe it won’t, i don’t know and i don’t think i can ever know. is it really necessary for me to put a title on things because aren’t i fine with the way things are wouldn’t i be doing it for the convenience of others? is it wrong for me to say fuck others when i occupy the same spaces as them? is it my duty to do more? to be more? to define myself?

this may sound a little pretentious to me when i read it again later but i think i just need to start talking to myself to really get to know who i am. who you are isn’t just what you like, it’s also how you react to things, what you’re afraid of, how you interact with the world around you. lemme really think about it, what do i like? i like to watch things, tv shows, movies, foreign films, k-dramas, anime, action movies, documentaries, i don’t think there’s any form of visual media i don’t enjoy consuming and i know i have a problem with being fixated on something very intensely for a little while and then completely forgetting about it. I also love drawing. its something i spend a lot more time on recently but its good to see something real come out of my hands. i think i am a little too into the picturesque things in life. this is a term i learned recently from a book i’ve only read a chapter of and already feel like dropping, and basically the character was also into the picturesque. he was into the visual aesthetic, the beautiful things in life that he over-romanticizes. i feel like i do that too sometimes, or i guess most times because i find myself thinking and viewing my life as a movie, and thinking of the beautiful shots i’d include in the b-roll, or the tender moments as being part of a pivotal scene. maybe that’s detrimental to the actual experience of living but hey, there’s no rules on how to live my life, if this is how younger me decides is a good way to exist then who am i to say no to her? i think i live a very boring and mundane life, like the character in the book does. maybe i should stop comparing myself to him considering he literally commits a murder later on. 

i think there are things i could be doing, things i fantasize about me possibly experiencing, things i’ve hear about, things i’ve seen on tv that i could also live, but i don’t think i’ll have the balls to do. maybe it’s a good thing because almost all of them seem like things i’ve been taught against, but it’s lowkey robbing me of my agency in life and what the hell. am i stopping myself from being happy? why would i do that? why would anyone do that? is it because im too shy? to scared? of what though? the repercussions? who would really school me? my parents already have 2 children who live their lives the way they choose to, so why am i different? do i think i somehow don’t deserve that? do i think that i’m better than them? sometimes i just want sarah to shut the fuck up and go live a little, to be out there a little more, to be the person she wants to be, but i always back off, why the hell do i do that? why do i kid myself and say that i’m being a good person by not doing anything, because am i really? i’m just a 19 year old who doesn’t think she has even started living. i see myself as the one in the bleachers, kind dissatisfied with the fact that the racer on the track isn’t there yet, but i’m her, i’m the one that’s meant to be on the starting line, but i don’t see myself even going down the stairs towards the track anytime soon. honestly this sounds sad as fuck, im not even a participant in my own life but when talking to others why do i inflate myself to the point where i make myself believe i’ve actually accomplished something in my life, cause clearly i have not. 

this is making me motivated again, nothing like a good old self deprecation to make yourself feel alive again. i want to do things, i do have plans, i want to see things, and i am going to do it. i need more friends though like i know i can do this shit alone but it just feels shitty and i haven’t gotten comfortable enough with myself to do anything more. as much as i can say that i don’t need anyone, it does help when someone’s there enabling your behavior, or maybe i can even call is “supporting” :O maybe hehe. ok then make better friends, go talk to that pretty girl in class, go say hi and talk about the prof, go be the one to compliment someone, go be approachable, its not impossible, so go do it. also get better style.

this definitely spiraled into something it didn’t start out from and i can talk a billion more things about it but i think this is just how i think, so how i think is going to be how i write. 

its a warm tuesday june morning, i drank some chai and ate some noodles, i was on my phone for way too long, and i’ve been up all night. 

[itsstickball]

Rivalry pt.2

(pt.1, pt.3)

Things progressed normally through the regular season and Neil soon found himself breathless staring up at a scoreboard that meant the Furies were going to the National Cup Championship. A moment was all he had to breathe it in before his entire team was swamping the court and sweeping him up into their raucous celebration.

Later, after press duty, showering and changing, Neil checked his phone. There were the usual messages of congratulations, asks to hang out later, a rare “good job” from Kevin – whose own team had qualified the week prior. He was significantly more surprised, however, by the twitter notification saying that he’d been tagged in a message from @AJminyard. It was mostly odd in that Andrew rarely actually tweeted anything his publicist didn’t mandate, and even rarer in that he actually tagged someone rather than just using their actual name.

Curious, he swiped the app open.

Sure enough, Andrew had attached a brief clip of the Furies’ celebration, mostly centered on Neil being hoisted above their heads as the smallest player, his face nearly split in half with a grin. The article it was attached to was fairly congratulatory, and Neil skimmed it for only a moment. Andrew’s comment however, was far more succinct and far less generous.

-Shame @NJos10 won’t be celebrating like that two weeks from now.-

Two weeks, of course, was when the Furies would play the Miami Marauders. For all that Andrew claimed to hate the game, Neil knew that he’d bring his best that night and had every intention of rising to the challenge. And if he played hard enough to beg off from going out with his teammate afterward, no one would blame him.

-We’ll see. @AJminyard-

He replied, swiping back to his texts with a private smile. The rest of the team was waiting in the lounge as he strolled out, duffle in one hand, phone in the other.

“Aw man, look at that baby face! Neil, when are you gonna buck up and let us meet this secret admirer of yours?”

“My what?”

He looked up from his phone to stare quizzically at Martin.

“You’ve got that sappy look.”

Neil turned to Lovejoy for help, but the older man just nodded his head sagely.

“I’m looking at pictures of Matt’s puppy?”

He explained slowly, showing them the most recent round, in which Boulder is dressed in a different doggy jersey for his, Matt’s, Andrew’s and Kevin’s teams, plus a custom one for Dan’s Class II collegiate team, the Devils.

Both older men let out a sigh, but then dutifully comment on how good the puppy looks wearing their purple and red. Neil texts their responses back to Matt and then closes out of his phone. Nila Jones, their female offensive dealer picks that time to sling an arm around Neil’s shoulder and simultaneously join their conversation and steer them out of the room with the rest of the team.

“Hey y’all, the vote was unanimous, for once in our goddamn lives. So, everyone’s off to Chewy’s to celebrate.”

She looked at their various expressions and the way they’d been huddled around Neil’s phone and continues before any of the men can get a word in edgewise.

“What’s with the pow-wow? Don’t tell me you were trash-talking Minyard without me again. I still owe him for that return ball to the ass.”

This time it was Lovejoy and Martin’s turn to look confused.

“Why would we be trash talking Minyard?”

Nila shared a long-suffering look with Neil, who just shrugged and correctly assumed that she’d explain it for him.

“Uh, because the midget just threw down a gauntlet on twitter?”

“Who did what!?”

Another voice called out, drawn in by Nila’s naturally loud voice and fiery attitude.

“Andrew Minyard’s already talking shit to Josten about the playoff game.”

A third voice chimed in, Henry Beckett already passing his phone around with the exchange pulled up.

“Of course, he is.”

Someone else sighed amongst other mutterings or exclamations as the topic of conversation grew to include the rest of the team. Thankfully, their stomachs were just as big of a deal as their chirping and the group continued to migrate out to their cars. Since they were all going to the same place, it was typical to carpool in smaller groups. Neil was less than surprised when several players packed themselves into his “mom car.” It had plenty of seats and a guaranteed DD. He did smile as the conversation washed pleasantly over him, though. Being the driver also had the excuse of having to pay attention to the road rather than feel obligated to join in.

A few minutes in, however, despite those in the back having long moved on to a different topic, Martin brought Andrew’s tweet back up.

“Seriously though, don’t stress yourself about that Marauders game.”

Neil glanced over at him with bland incredulity written on his face.

“Why would I be worried? I practiced against Andrew for four years.”

One of which he was probably actively trying to keep from killing me. He doesn’t add.

Martin laughed, softly and warmly.

“Maybe you wouldn’t be. I just wanted to remind you that we’ve got your back. And if Minyard tries to start anything, I’ve got 40lbs and ten inches on him.”

Neil seriously doubted that was as much of an advantage as Martin thought it was. Andrew could wipe the floor with him. He nodded anyway.

“I’m fine…but uh, thanks.”

Practices for the next two weeks include a lot of speed and precision drills and even more scrimmages. When they play the Arizona Diamondbacks, the win comes almost too easily – even with Laila Dermott in goal. It’s definitely one of the more brutal games of the season, with everyone on both teams pushing themselves to be the better player, but Neil flies through it with single-minded focus. When they line up to shake hands after the match, Neil is only a little surprised when her grip pulls him into a fierce hug.

“Give him hell next week, Josten.”

To anyone watching or listening, her show of support banked on the rivalry. It wasn’t hard to tell that she’s talking about Andrew. But there was a warmth and amusement in her eyes that told Neil she didn’t believe the hype and it settled him. He returned her grin and tightened his grip on her arm before letting go.

“With pleasure, Dermott.”

St. Louis and Miami were far enough away that there was no question of whether the Furies would be flying or driving. Neil snapped a picture of the runway from his window seat and sent it to Andrew as they waited for the rest of the plane to finish boarding.

-On my way-

It didn’t take long for the goalie to respond with a curt -154%- and Neil found himself smiling at it before he put his phone in airplane mode and pulled up the “TRAVEL” playlist Nicky and the girls had made for him his Junior year. (Directly below that was a playlist labelled “Neil’s pop culture education” and below that one labelled “Junkie” that consisted solely of songs about obsession created by Andrew.) Neil certainly didn’t have the fear of heights that Andrew did, but that didn’t mean he enjoyed being stuck in a metal tube hurdling through the air. Luckily it wasn’t that long of a flight and his teammates were just as eager to talk Exy when they got bored as he was, so it wasn’t too bad overall.

When they landed in Miami, Neil was hit with two things; the roar of a crowd and a wave of humidity. Even in early October the heat was suffocating. Neil found it amusing for a moment that Andrew had been willing to put up with it just for the sake of denying Kevin’s campaign to get him to sign to Chicago with him. It was just absurd enough to be perfectly, quintessentially Andrew that Neil found himself smiling. Despite his discomfort, the soft grin remained as the team was shuffled through the crowds by their security team.

Stepping into Miami’s inner court had a similar effect. The Marauders’ maroon and sky-blue color scheme coupled with their pirate mascot lead to a very other-worldly feel to their court. It exhilarated Neil to feel like he was encroaching on the territory of some long-lost pirate king, to know that he’d be facing down Andrew when the doors locked and the buzzer sounded. It bolstered the blood pumping through his veins and the lazy grin that liked to take residence on his face on game-days.

“Now there’s the Neil Josten the world knows!”

Martin crooned, ruffling Neil’s hair and bouncing off of him to swat playfully at the rest of the team before taking up his proper spot in line.

“Ah, yes, the true Fury. Honestly, with someone like Josten around, why do we even have a mascot?”

Nila joked, her own face lit up with a fierce grin.

The Furies were hardly the Foxes, but regardless of their pasts, they banded together over the thrill of dominating on the court, of struggling for every win and fighting tooth-and-nail against every loss. They were a team of passion and adrenaline. Sometimes that meant they made mistakes or pushed themselves or their opponents too hard, but they never regretted it. Neil, never regretted it.

“All right team, listen up!” Their coach called, shouting to be heard over the crowd just outside of the tunnel and the announcer making his way through the Marauders’ line-up.

“You’ve been working hard all week and all season. I know there are some other external factors pushing you to be your best for this game,” His gaze dragged over Neil for just a moment. “and while I’m glad it’s pulled some of your heads out of your asses, don’t let it make you sloppy. This may be a pirate court, but ships burn and flags fall to even the slightest miscalculation. Now let’s show those Marauders who’s boss!”

And with that warning and pep-talk all wrapped up into one, the Furies turned their attention to the court and stepped into the roaring wave of supporters and enemies alike.

Neil had warned his fellow strikers in the practices leading up to the game of Andrew’s unpredictability. “He’ll try to shut me out completely, but there’s no telling if he’ll put the effort in against anyone else.” He half-explained. “We need to put as many points on the board as possible before that happens.”

The Marauders liked using Andrew as a last line of defense, throwing him on in the second half. Even a bored Andrew had the potential to make better saves than any other goalie, plus it gave him time to watch how the other team’s strikers played. Thankfully, the Furies typically played Neil at the start and end of the games. Unlike the Foxes, they had more than enough people to switch people out in a quarterly fashion rather than waiting until a substitute was actually necessary. It allowed him to play hard and start the team off on the right foot and then rest before giving it his all to clinch a win, or at least drag the score closer to even. This meant that Neil and Andrew didn’t share the court until part-way through the second half.

He heard the crowd roaring, a chorus of cheers and boos, as he stepped into the court and clacked sticks with the striker he was replacing. However, he only had eyes for Andrew. The goalie had been casually resetting from the goal his strikers had just scored, but his stance shifted when he caught Neil’s gaze. Though it was nearly impossible to see from halfway across the court, Neil grinned. What was clearly visible, however, was the mocking two-finger salute he gave Andrew before taking his starting spot on the half-line. For the first time all game, when the buzzer sounded Minyard looked tensed to protect his goal.

The Furies’ plan to rack up as many points as possible before Neil and Andrew faced off went about as well as possible considering that they still had the whole rest of the team of professional players to deal with in that time. Andrew didn’t put up much of a fight against Neil’s fellow strikers, but he didn’t just stand there disinterested either. They had a two-point lead when Neil came on and he would be damned if he let that slip.

The Marauder’s backline, newly replenished, had apparently made it their goal to keep Neil from even getting near the goal. Their efforts would have been admirable if their rivalry had any actual substance to it, but even just the fact that Neil knew their persistence and borderline fouls bothered Andrew more than it bothered him gave him extra strength to push through. In the end, their efforts were futile. He was too quick, too resigned to the possibility of injury and too determined to make his shots to be stopped by something as mundane as solidarity.

Andrew, it seemed, didn’t appreciate this either.

The first shot Neil took on him, ricocheted all the way to the far court wall.

Even inside their plexiglass box, the scream of the crowd at that power move and Andrew’s return salute was deafening. Neil bared his teeth and kept going.

His second, third and fourth attempts were similarly thwarted, though the last time, Andrew had the audacity to slam it back at him fact and hard enough that Neil stumbled back several steps in order to retain possession long enough to pass it back to his dealer. It was a warning and a challenge all in one. Neil couldn’t out-power Andrew like he had the backliners, not when Andrew knew him so well. He had to play smarter.

A thrill ran through him, even as the Furies lost possession and their goal lit up red. By the time they’d moved into position to restart play, Neil had already planned out his next goal, the possibilities stretching out before him like a hundred different threads of light – all leading to the wall behind Andrew’s back. He turned to look at his fellow striker, inclining his head once he had Beckett’s attention. The man grinned back and let out a whoop as the buzzer sounded.

Neil, who typically sprinted at the start of play, hesitated for just a moment. Nila had possession of the ball to start the game and Beckett was the obvious choice to pass to given their positions. She didn’t waste time throwing a quizzical look in Neil’s direction, but everyone knew his main strength was his speed. Likewise, he kept his focus on the backliner charging towards him and counted to three in his head before finally taking off. For a moment, it looked like he would hit the man head-on, but then he swerved, changing his course so that he was on the opposite side of the course. Beckett passed him the ball high off of the wall and then juked out of the way of his own backliner’s attempt to check him. Neil knew they only had a few moments to plan his best route before both of the backliners would converge on him.

He wasn’t in the ideal position and ten steps wouldn’t be enough to get there, so he shot the ball back to Beckett, diverting the woman who was supposed to be Neil’s mark to guard him. Their brief encounter provided him with the time he needed to get around his own new mark. He whistled and kept moving towards the back wall, picking up speed so that his backliner had to sprint to keep up. Finally, Beckett found the opening and shot the ball back to him with impressive accuracy.

When it found its way into Neil’s waiting net, the backliner was almost upon him, but it was too late. The back wall loomed up in front of him and Andrew had shifted to place himself between Neil and the goal. It was possible that he’d pass it back to Beckett or Nila, but both were tied up with their own defensemen and Andrew could smell a shot like a shark drawn to blood. Four steps and he’d be even with Andrew, six and he’d hit the wall. His backliner breathed down his neck, ready to turn that six into three. Instead of dodging, however, Neil pushed himself harder and launched himself at the wall just before his mark could shove him into it. His right foot propelled him off of the ground and his left reversed his momentum from the wall back toward the court. He twisted his torso and passed to himself off of the wall, catching it just after clearing his backliner’s hunched form.

The first step stumbled.

The second secured.

The third pivoted.

The fourth provided enough torque for a backhand shot right into the unprotected center of Andrew’s goal.

Neil didn’t know what was more deafening, the utter silence from the players and crowd as the goal lit up red, or the roar of disbelief as the buzzer sounded half a second too late and everyone went wild.

He did know, however, that the momentum from his trick shot him forward so that he tumbled head over heels to lay flat on his back in the mayhem. He grinned up at the ceiling as everyone around him freaked out. Intellectually, he knew he should get up before that freak-out turned from excitement to dread at a possible injury, but for now he was content to lay there and absorb the moment.

Beckett reached him first.

“You know,” He said, towering over him like a friendly shadow giant against the bright lights of the stadium. “I thought you were absolutely nuts when you first started adding all of those jumps and gymnastics to your circuit. But if that’s what comes out of it, then damn, sign me up.”

Neil’s grin widened and he accepted Beckett’s hand up. Once his pads were straightened out, he turned back towards the goal.

Andrew stood there like a statue, immoveable, immutable, invincible. Except Neil had just scored on him. The goalie wore his disdain plainly on his face and Neil knew, short of another crazy stunt or miracle, it was the last goal their team would make that night. But it was worth it. Worth it for the thrill, the point, the so-called rivalry. It was worth it for the way Andrew stood on an Exy court and felt – even if his feelings had more to do with his annoyance for Neil than the actual game.

This time, when Neil smiled, it was small and private. And even though there was no way for Andrew to see it, he huffed and called out after him in Russian.

“Idiot.”

“How much money do you think I just won Allison?”

Neil replied cheekily.

The rest of the players froze for a moment, given that Andrew very rarely said anything to anyone on the court – especially not to the other team, but when Neil walked calmly away, they followed suit.

True to his prediction, Andrew locked down the goal for the rest of the game, regardless of who was shooting at him. Despite this, Neil put his best effort in. He used the time more to irritate Andrew with trick shots that made him work for it or aiming at the top of the goalie’s helmet or his left foot. He’d probably pay for it later on, but it was worth it for the fire he saw in Andrew’s eyes each time.

The Furies won 7-6.

No matter how they tried to play things, the Furies knew there was no escaping Neil doing press duty for the game. It was too exciting of a game and his reported rivalry with Andrew was too high-profile for anyone in the room to let it go. So rather than waste other players’ time fielding questions that weren’t actually for them, Coach threw Neil out after their showers alongside the team’s captain with a strict warning not to start anything.

He knew how futile it would have been to demand he remain completely civil.

“Raymond! That was one hell of a game. How do you feel about the Furies’ chance for the National Cup this year?”

Neil’s captain grinned.

“Honestly, Julia, I think the team really showed themselves tonight. We were up against a tough opponent on their home court, but still managed to come out on top. We couldn’t have done that without relying on each other and staying sharp. I think tonight’s game is a good indicator of the season the Furies are looking forward to.”

Predictably, the actual Exy questions ran out long before their time with the press did. Neil wanted to look at his watch to gauge how long they’d managed to stay on topic, but he kept his attention on the reporter as they inevitably brought up Andrew.

“Neil, how did tonight’s game feel for you? That was one hell of a goal in the second half, but it had to have been frustrating to be shut out the rest of the game.”

“We came into this game expecting a hard fight. If the goalie wanted to add a little personal challenge to it, then that’s his prerogative. It wasn’t a perfect game, but the way I see it, we won. I’m more than happy with the results.”

“Speaking of personal challenge, both you and Minyard have been incredibly vague about this growing rivalry, but after tonight, it doesn’t seem like it’s likely to die down anytime soon.”

“Is there a question in there?”

The Furies’ captain admonished. The reporter inclined their head and rephrased their point, still directing it at Neil.

“If you could, perhaps, shed a little light on how, exactly this rivalry came to be or why you both seem intent on letting it continue?”

Neil shrugged.

“Andrew hates me. Always has. As for me, well, I guess my survival instincts aren’t as good as they used to be.”

He grinned sharply into the camera, too smug to resemble his father.

“Now, are there any more questions actually relevant to tonight’s game? I did just spend two hours running around and the hotel we’re staying at has a Jacuzzi.”

Beside him, his captain muttered a quiet “thank god” when no one responded and he was able to wrap things up with a quick goodbye before herding Neil as far away from the microphones as possible. Neil found it funny that he thought they’d gotten off lightly.

While he hadn’t lied about being tired, or the hotel room having a nice tub, Neil did not return to it when he begged off celebrating with the team early on. Instead, he typed a familiar address into his GPS and drove 20 minutes to a more suburban area, pulling his crossover into the open garage of a nondescript grey house. Beside it, long cooled, resided a black Maserati.

“Took your time.”

Said the figure lurking in the doorway into the house, clad completely in black. Neil looked up from the car to meet Andrew’s hazel eyes. He shrugged.

“Some of us actually make an effort to bond with our team.”

“Well if you’d rather do that, then don’t let me get in your way.”

Andrew’s comment was snide, but his tone level. Still, Neil rolled his eyes and walked around his car to the steps in front of Andrew.

“I didn’t say that.”

“Pity.”

Andrew replied, acknowledging his current height advantage only with a sweep of his eyes. After a moment, he pushed off of the door jamb and turned to go back inside.

“I’m not kissing you in the garage.”

He called back, leaving Neil to shut the outer door and follow him hastily inside.

“You were great tonight, you know.” He yelled in after the blonde. The thud of the freezer door told him Andrew was in the kitchen.

“I’m certainly not touching you if you’re going to talk about Exy the whole time.”

Neil grinned, watching shamelessly as Andrew stood from returning his ice-cream to the freezer. He waited until he had the blonde’s full attention before he stepped up into his space, his eyes glittering with playful question.

“Then why don’t you shut me up?”

Andrew rolled his eyes, but the kiss he pulled Neil into betrayed him and Neil sank into it.

[anuknowha]

In Love with Post

Title: In Love with Post 

Genre: Fluff, Romance

Pairing: Post Malone x Reader

Word Count: 1,892

Characters: 9,854       W/o spaces: 7,964

//Heads up. Sorry if this isn’t as good, I wrote it a few months back and sadly, I kept switching between 1st and 2nd person. I hate this but I wanted to get it out here anyway. And if you want me to add you to any taglist let me know. 

It's been a while since I started my career and I still haven't been able to hit my expected level of love from my fans. Yeah, people from all over the world are listening, but it's not as many as I want it to be. Hard work pays off eventually, just takes time and effort, and even some expectations that are randomly plotted into the situation. A few months into my journey as a musician, I finally got to meet someone I've had my eye on for a while, Post Malone. He was an idol to me-  someone to look up to with backstory, but most importantly he caught my attention because of his outgoing personality and his emotional expressions in front of and behind the audience. He wasn't afraid of being himself, speaking his mind, and definitely showing off the tattoos that seemed to cover him from head to toe. For some reason I loved that about him, and because of that, I worked my way to get signed under the same record label company. And I wouldn't take no for an answer. From behind curtains on the stage I heard the voices of screaming, raging fans that were excited for tonight's show. A sigh came left my lips as I peeked through in awe before quickly turning my head in his direction. He was still getting ready, and I watched from afar as I waited for him to finish getting his "good luck" wishes. As he walked towards the stage he stopped in front of me, "Good luck out there Austin. I know you'll do great." He pats me on the back, "I told you to call me Post" he chuckles as he waves goodbye and walks past the curtains and front center stage. I haven't called him Post is weeks, mostly because I knew my dream was finally coming true and was hoping he'd get the hint some, but even without it, he never let me leave my guard down around him. The music starts, and from my spot backstage, it's obvious my favorite song of his, Psycho. I hum along to the beat, before mouthing the words so subtly. A few more songs from his recent album played before he took a break. When he came backstage he was drenched in sweat. Those working for him gave him a towel and a beer to help him cool off an relax. During the 15 minute intervention, he sat next to me and just continued to sip his alcoholic beverage. And when he wasn't looking I'd take a quick glance over his direction and smile some before letting it fade away quickly. Before I knew it they announced his reappearance and he leaves to go back on stage. Tempted to follow, I don't, instead I just watch as he walks back towards the curtains to continue his concert. I could tell he threw me a small smile, or maybe it was just him be excited to live out his dream once more. After about another 40 minutes of performing I finally hear him dismissing himself from the display of the fans. He walks back, looking a little tired, but I can't help but giggle. "You did great Post." "Good job man, you had the crowd going wild." Comments like such were raining from his fellow security as he received many high fives, pats on backs and hugs. Afterwards he came over to me holding out his hand. I took it, and felt him use his strength to lift me off the floor. "Great job Austin. I don't think I've seen a better performance of yours." He seemed to let it slide by him at the moment but, he didn't seem to mind about me calling him Austin. "Thanks." His voice sounded more tired than anything as he started walking towards the exit with the rest of his men, with me following behind quietly like a baby duck. Arriving in the tour bus, he started taking pictures with his friends as they started playing beer pong. I watched from the other side, knowing I was still too young to drink. Cheers and sounds of encouragement were heard for about 30 minutes and discontinued, at least that's what I thought as I realized a slumped over Post Malone, sleep on the chair. It made me laugh some, and snort under my breath as if not to wake him. Within minutes, we were back at the hotel and I found myself about to separate from him, that was until I heard him call out my name, which suddenly caused me to turn around. "Wanna come to my room to play a few games?" I tilted my head, "I thought you were tired, you worked hard today and you were sleep on the ride here." Though spending time with him was my main purpose I couldn't help but consider him first out the kindness of my heart. Before responding to me, he gestured me to his room and I decided to follow. He plopped down on the bed and handed me a controller before taking one in his own hands. "I'm not really that good at video games, I loved them but never had the systems to play them." Cracking my knuckles I got prepared for said game, and to my pleasure it was a fighting game. "Well that's fine, you have enough to afford them now right, or do I need to get them for you?" He suggested playfully. "No thank you." I say in almost a huff that he shrugs off instantly. Us two play a few hours and now it's 1am and a slightly drunk Post is frustrated at me beating him, so he calls it quits. A victory laugh in triumph erupts from my throat as he falls backwards onto the bed. I remained on the floor, not wanting to wake him as I listened his breathing become shallow, and therefore just wait until the morning. I awaken before him, and rub my eyes glancing up at him behind me. I don't bother to wake him since today he had a break, instead I let him sleep off the alcohol and start playing the game against the computer on a low volume. Within the next three hours he wakes up, and I feel him watching me but say nothing until he gets up to go to the bathroom. "Good morning sleepy head." A groggy, "Morning" drifts past his lips as he lifts himself out the bed and shifts towards the bathroom. "What time is it?" "About 12 or so, I didn't bother to wake you because you seemed so tired." Before I could finish my sentence I heard the toilet flush, which means he probably missed some of the things I just said, but it didn't really matter to me at the moment as I was so concentrated on the game. He started washing his hands and within the next few seconds I heard the shower running, he drifts past me to grab clothes but my eyes are still glued on the game. Another 30 minutes pass and a fully clothed Austin walks in your view of the TV preventing me from playing well. "What are you doing...?" I question, an eyebrow raised slightly. "Rematch" sitting down next to me he scoops up the controller and starts to set it to two player. Playing 5 rounds, in which I lost 4, he decided to smirk in victory and put down his controller. I looked over at him, and put mine down as well, and that's when I felt my stomach growl. "Hey, you hungry...? I think I'll go out to grab us something really quick." He nodded softly and I left the room only to be stopped by his "employees" outside the hotel door. They were wondering what happened, but I just waved "hi" and continued walking past. Within 20 minutes I return back to his room to see him playing a different game. I toss the bag of food on his bed and put the drinks on the nearby nightstand. "I'm back." I say almost presently. "Got some late breakfast. I really had a taste for bacon is all. Sorry if it's not what you wanted. Oh, I also wanted to buy you beer but they had to check me of course, and I'm still not at the minimum age-" I stop in my track of words as he was finishing up his round. I sit next to him stuffing my face and letting out a deep sigh. Moments of silence elapsed and I had finished my food along with my drink. I curled into a small ball on the floor and watched the TV change colors as he stopped his gameplay. He gently put down his controller to grab his sandwich and start eating. "Austin I..." I trailed off, but he commented, "How much do I owe you?" I was almost taken aback by the question, confused some, even. "O-owe me for what...?" I stutter. "The food. You bought my food, right?" Thinking for a second I violently nod, "Oh yeah-! Don't worry about it, I don't mind spending money on you." He stopped chewing for a second but still had a mouth full of food, "Why is that?" he questioned. An awkward silence dawned the room, and it stayed that way for what seemed like hours. I avoided eye contact with him and still did even after I was able to get my thoughts together. "I love you..." I say as I bite back tears that begin forming in my eyes. He seemed to have almost choked on his food in disbelief. "I love you Austin Richard Post. Not for the money or the fame but because of you being you. I don't care that you have millions are your expense but I don't see that as important. I'd still love you even if you were still at home playing guitar as a hobby. I don't care where you are or where you're going. And yes it's hard to believe, but you're so funny whenever I see you around. Your positive attitude hits everyone in every concert hall you enter. You're caring and generous. Especially when you helped that girl who was being pushed and shoved in front of your face. Your smile, your laugh, your voice is what attracts me to you. And I've been wanting to at least confess regardless of how much you believe me. I just know I wouldn't let you fall apart between my fingers. And I know I'm not a Nicki Minaj or Demi Levato, I'm not the most attractive I'm the bunch, but I do have genuine feelings and I was hoping one day you might give me a chance to prove it to you." With that I took a deep breath, sweat blaring down my face and neck, I turned my head in the opposite direction so that his blue eyes weren't able to meet mine. I could tell he was shocked though, I was just glad to get out my confession to the guy I loved and admired for the longest, Austin Post.

“I love you too, Y/N” he stated, eventually smiling at me with one the biggest and brightest smiles I’ve ever seen on a person.

[aroworlds]

Aro-Spec Artist Profile: Nate

Our next aro-spec creator is Nate, better known on Tumblr as @astriiformes!

Nate is an asexual, aromantic, neurodivergent and mentally ill trans guy/person continuing the tradition of aro-spec creators demonstrating an impressive diversity of talent. He writes, cosplays, creates filk music and produces visual art--and that’s when he’s not playing D&D and attending conventions!

You can find him on Twitter as planar_ranger and on 8tracks as azhdarchidaen. He’s also found on AO3 as azhdarchidaen, with a prolific selection of works for the Gravity Falls, Doctor Who, Critical Role and Pacific Rim fandoms! If you have a dollar or two you’re wanting to invest in worthy aro-spec talent, please take a look at Nate’s Ko-Fi!

With us Nate talks about expressing emotions through creativity, the intersection of aromanticism and perfectionism, the importance of storytelling as self-expression and his passion for D&D as a way of giving voice to his aromantic experience. His love for fandom, creativity and storytelling shines through every word, so please let’s give him all our love, encouragement, gratitude, kudos and follows for taking the time to explore what it is to be aromantic and creative.

Can you share with us your story in being aro-spec?

While I didn’t know the word “aromantic” until I was 15 or 16, and took a while to embrace it even then, when I look back on my childhood I can definitely see some of the earliest signs. Perhaps the most prominent was my mild disappointment at age 12 or 13 in discovering the Star Wars EU novels only to learn that Luke Skywalker, one of my most pervasively favorite characters since I first watched the movies and likely my earliest aro headcanon, ended up getting married! I ended up writing what was technically my first fanfiction after that discovery, an alternate take on the post-Return of the Jedi universe in which he didn’t.

But I didn’t really start to realize I was aro, or even know it was an identity at all, until two things happened. First, I joined an LGBTQA+ group on a writer’s forum I used to frequent and started to not only learn the vocabulary but also that identifying as something other than straight or cis was even allowed. Second, I entered what was essentially the closest thing to a romantic relationship I’ve ever experienced. By some measures it probably was one, but there really wasn’t much romance involved – because I wasn’t pushing it (for reasons that are now obvious to me), and the guy I was sort-of-dating was pretty respectful of my boundaries and was probably waiting for me to make some of those moves before trying himself. The relationship eventually broke off several months after he moved to Europe. He messaged me to say he felt bad about the fact that our long-distance “relationship” was probably holding me back from finding someone I could be happier with, and he would be more comfortable breaking it off. The fact that I felt no real sadness over that was a fairly big bit of evidence for my aromanticism, second only to the fact that I had actually become more comfortable with our situation when he moved across the Atlantic Ocean.

Clues like those eventually lead me to adopt the label and really begin to understand myself, I think around age 16 or 17. I went through a slow process of accepting all my queer identities one-by-one and kind of see them all as pretty interconnected. The aro one was in the middle.

Can you share with us the story behind your creativity?

I really like making things. For all the frustration I experience trying to write something I’m happy with, or panicked near all-nighters trying to finish props before a convention, I really am at my happiest when I have projects to engage in. I take a lot of pride in my identity as a content creator as a result, though it also means I can set discouragingly high standards for myself. That being said, there’s nothing that makes me happier that someone enjoying something I put time and effort into and being able to go “I made this.”

Writing was definitely my earliest outlet (I did draw things when I was younger, but I didn’t show my art to anyone until this time last year). I was posting fics (under a different username, fortunately; I don’t want my early teenage writing unearthed ten years later) on ff.net by early high school, a narrative I’m sure I share with plenty of other creators. I’ve done more interesting things with my writing since migrating over to AO3 though, and I continue to feel like my writing is growing (even if, sometimes, I worry it’s going too slowly).

Getting into cosplay was something I picked up only a year or so later, though again, comparing my current work to those first few attempts feels almost silly. My first cosplay was a patched-together Eighth Doctor mostly made out of thrift store finds that looked only debatably like the real deal. Since then, I’ve gotten better at sewing my own things and have realized one of my true strengths lies in elaborate props. My two most recent cosplays were Stanford Pines from Gravity Falls, with a fully-illustrated and screen-accurate copy of the third journal, complete with blacklight effects, and Taako, from The Adventure Zone, with an Umbra Staff that I had re-covered in fabric and had fully-functional LED “stars” built into it, stars I could make twinkle via a secret remote. I’m attempting two characters that are even more ambitious for conventions this year, but we’ll have to see how that actually goes…

My filk contributions aren’t massive, but the community aspect (and that it connected me to someone who is now one of my closest friends, who made me go from enjoying the genre to contributing to it) and some of the things I’ve done as a result of it make me feel it has a place as part of my creative identity. You haven’t lived until you’ve performed decades-old songs about space travel with your friends, in cosplay, in a crowded convention center! (Okay, a debatable statement. But a truly wild experience.) It’s also been a good outlet for me in some ways, because music is a powerful way to get across emotions. I play viola and piano, and have for years, so I knew that to some degree before I started writing my own lyrics to things. But personalizing songs by making them be about things you have really strong feelings for is another level entirely.

And then, art. Like I said, I never really shared it with anyone (or drew much at all) until about a year ago. Part of that was due to wanting to try my hand at digital art but not really having an understanding of what programs to use or how to get started with it, and part of it was the inertia of feeling like “if I’m not good at something immediately, I shouldn’t try at all!” The thing that really got the ball rolling for me is the long D&D campaign I’m currently in. When I was excited about other stories, chances were someone else had drawn art of it that I could enjoy and reblog. That’s not really the case with one you’re telling with only 5-6 other people. I had a sort of epiphany moment a couple months into the campaign, as the story really started picking up, that if I wanted to see the kind of art I appreciate for this new story I was falling in love with, I would probably have to do it myself. I’m still not incredibly happy with my work, since I’m surrounded by friends who are incredible artists and my style is fairly simplistic and oddly stylized, but I have gotten to a point where I draw fairly regularly, and generally put up what I create on our shared campaign blog. The same D&D game has wrenched over 15k words of original writing from me, which is pretty astonishing. Most of that isn’t anywhere to be found on Tumblr just yet, though – it’s largely still-top secret character backstory.

Are there any particular ways your aro-spec experience is expressed in your art?

The most obvious way is that I write fics about characters being aromantic and dealing with their aromanticism. All headcanons, unfortunately (I’m yet to find a canon aro in anything I love that I didn’t help create myself), but there are several stories on my AO3 about characters from Pacific Rim, Star Wars or Gravity Falls realizing they’re aromantic. And the fics that don’t deal with that are still all gen – I’m too romance-repulsed to write anything else, and I feel the world needs a lot more genfic anyways.

One other way, though I feel a bit silly calling it “art”, is that I am intentionally playing an aromantic character of my own creation in my current D&D campaign. I’ve been playing for several years now, and did have another character back in high school who I also imagined as aromantic. (Partially because of an awkward flirting mishap – an enemy tried to get my character off her guard with romance and it all backfired because she didn’t know how to respond. All my own fault – I don’t even know how to roleplay that!) But none of the campaigns I’ve played in until this one were particularly intent on exploring characters and their feelings all that deeply, or really making them a part of the story.

With my current character, it’s become incredibly validating to view him as aromantic and asexual, like myself. It’s that same impulse that got me started doing more art – if the fiction I like isn’t going to provide me with aromantic characters, I’ll have to make one myself! And it’s slowly leading to some very interesting explorations of aro identity and the normalising of it in our world. We’ve established that identifying that way isn’t particularly unusual for elves and talked about what that means for worldbuilding. Do they hold platonic relationships in the same regard as romantic ones? Is there a special kind of relationship that signifies that? What if we put friendship under the banner of the goddess of romantic love too? Though at the same time, I’m exploring some of the same feelings I experience with him – he’s a particularly lonely person, who worries about people actually wanting to stay with him, both of which are prominent features of my own aromantic experience.

What challenges do you face as an aro-spec artist?

Like many of us, I do worry that my genfics will be less enjoyed or circulated as a result of choosing not to include ships. And whenever I post a fic about a character actually being aro, I definitely get that little stab of “Someone is going to have a problem with this” fear.

I also feel that my experience with aromanticism has shaped a lot of my perfectionistic tendencies. Because I worry so much about trying to remain important in my allo friends’ lives, and because I think of so much of my identity as associated with creativity, I tend to get really wrapped up in my work needing to seem amazing somehow, to make people think I’m worth their time. It’s a silly thing to get preoccupied over, but it has had an impact on me. In some ways wanting my work to be really good is not a bad thing – it encourages me to do my very best whenever I can – but the motivation is really all wrong.

How do you connect to the aro-spec and a-spec communities as an aro-spec person?

I’m honestly pretty disconnected from them. I might be less-inclined to be if this website wasn’t suddenly experiencing such backlash against a-spec identities, but as is I’m almost afraid to engage with anything that might make me a target. Which is really unfortunate. That being said, whenever I do make any aro content and I see it circulated to other aromantic people, I get a lot of joy from it. The comments on my multiple aromantic-focused fics are some of my favorite ones I’ve ever received. If I can channel my experiences into something that elicits that kind of a reaction from our community, I consider my work well done.

How do you connect to your creative community as an aro-spec person?

When I’m able to talk to other aromantic people about headcanons (or even some of my very understanding allo friends who absorb them from me, too), pretty well! Unfortunately, that’s a pretty tiny fraction of my fandom experience. Even some of my interests where you’d think I wouldn’t run into problems have been difficult at times. I once had someone dressed as a character often (non-canonically) shipped with the one I was cosplaying, and they assumed that I would be interested in hearing that they shipped our character. Instead, they just made me very uncomfortable, particularly with the way they chose to do so.

In general, the expectation that as a member of fandom, producing fandom works, I will be interested in creating and consuming romantic content is hard to deal with. I’ve had people ask me to put ships in my fics, the aforementioned convention incident, and been heckled over having aromantic headcanons at all. That being said, aromantic headcanons were how I met at least a few of my good friends. Finding each other may be hard, but since we all feel so isolated I think that finding other aro creators inhabiting the same or similar spaces can lead to pretty quick bonding, or at least an appreciation of each others’ works. I do like that.

I’ve also, as I have mentioned a couple times now, realized the worth of telling my own stories, particularly if I have other people to share them with who will respond positively. Right now, most of my D&D group is not aro, but they are a group that respects my and my character’s identities, and being able to tell an aro narrative that means a lot to me and get a positive response is a breath of fresh air. I count them as fellow content creators and they’ve really encouraged the story I want to tell. I hope that someday the inspiration I’ve gained from that will lead me to publishing my own original fiction (with aro characters, of course), but it’s been due to this small start that I’ve decided that’s something I could realistically pursue.

How can the aro-spec community best help you as a creative?

Comments on my fics are one of the biggest things that keep me writing, so they’ll always be a boon to me. Even old ones. It makes me happy to see people still reading and enjoying them. Same goes for reblogs of any of my stuff – art, writing, filk, cosplay photos, anything else I might post. The biggest thing that keeps me wanting to create and share more creative works is knowing that other people are enjoying them, so if you do enjoy them, any way you can let me know that is wonderful.

I do hope that in some point in the future I’ll have original fiction available and a science writing blog (I consider non-fiction to be creative expression, as long as you’re putting your spark into it!), but neither exists quite yet. If you follow me on either of my main platforms though, those might pop up someday. Seeing either be circulated when the time comes would be massive. I also intend to, perhaps in the much nearer future, start publishing D&D content (likely homebrew 5e subclasses, but who knows) on the DMsGuild, starting with a pay-what-you-want model for downloading my content. If that goes up and I make something you’re interested in, and you want to pay something for it at all, I would be massively grateful.

Can you share with us something about your current project?

I’ve been working on a Critical Role Modern AU story since January or so that places heavy emphasis on the platonic relationships in the show (Percy and Keyleth’s is particularly dear to me, so they’re likely to get a fair bit of the spotlight) that’s my most current fandom fic.

I’m also tackling two ambitious cosplays at the moment, though the timeframe is making me wonder if I’ll actually pull either off. Especially given what I need to get done. One involves sewing pseudo-historical menswear, and I’m going to have to learn how to make armor for the other one. If I can figure it all out though, I’m really excited about them both!

Have you any forthcoming works we should look forward to?

Hopefully the next chapter of the CR fic, if I get hit with the inspiration (and motivation) to work on it soon. I also have another aromantic Luke Skywalker fic I really want to get down on paper at some point, though thus far it’s proven a little elusive.

My two big cosplay projects are Percy de Rolo (from Critical Role), which I intend to take to a local convention, and Erwyn, my own D&D character. I hope to do a photoshoot with the rest of the players as their own characters sometime late this summer.

As for art, I fully intend to keep drawing major or touching moments from my ongoing campaign, likely with much more frequency than any of the things above. It may not be as engaging for people to interact with as my fandom-focused projects are, but I still really do love sharing it.

[dailycamilacabello]

How Camila Cabello Lost Some Friends and Found Her Voice

MIAMI — Camila Cabello has only been in love once. But when it comes to crushes, she’s a connoisseur.  The pop singer and songwriter, formerly of the girl group Fifth Harmony, has filled pages of notes on her iPhone with ruminations on the sugar rush of embryonic infatuation and its aftermath — words of hunger and grit that her fans turn into Instagram captions and scream back at her in concert. A pair of suggestive duets in the last two years, “I Know What You Did Last Summer” with Shawn Mendes and “Bad Things” with Machine Gun Kelly, have been streamed over 520 million times, according to Nielsen Music. Along with her breakout solo smash from last summer, “Havana,” which has led Billboard’s pop radio chart longer than any other song by a solo female artist in the past five years, they’ve helped turn her into an avatar for young girls on the cusp of steeper emotional terrain. On a December afternoon in a leafy neighborhood here, Ms. Cabello, 20, whose name is pronounced “ca-meela ca-beyo,” revisited ground zero of her romantic vicissitudes. Ten years ago, in the butterfly garden at Pinecrest Elementary School, a young Romeo set a date with her among the Panama roses and gave her her first kiss, unlocking the source code for a bottomless trove of love songs. “It was this boy that I was obsessed with my whole time in elementary school,” she recalled, standing in the garden. “He kissed me on the cheek and I ran away — I still do that when someone wants to kiss me. ”Though not yet of legal drinking age, Ms. Cabello has come a long way from the schoolyard. At 15, she was beamed into the homes of millions of Americans as a contestant on the United States version of the reality-singing competition “The X Factor.” The show placed her in a five-woman vocal group modeled on One Direction that the viewers at home named Fifth Harmony. Two albums — on Simon Cowell’s Syco label in partnership with Epic Records — and six tours followed in a span of five years, during which time Ms. Cabello was, if not officially the group’s lead, a consensus favorite, with the biggest voice and those disarming eyes. And then it all went to pieces. As manufactured pop groups tend to do. Only in this case, the split seemed sudden and surprisingly vicious: One day, Fifth Harmony was performing at the final stop of the Jingle Ball tour, smiling and hair-flipping. The next, a series of contentious and contradictory statements were released, and Ms. Cabello found herself on the lonely end of a sharp divide. That was just over a year ago. In the interim, Ms. Cabello has struck out on her own, putting her hands on the controls of her professional life for the first time. Her new album, “Camila,” arriving Jan. 12, will test her prospects as a solo proposition. The biggest stars to break away from groups — Michael Jackson, Justin Timberlake, Beyoncé — did so from stronger footing, in eras when the music industry was thriving. Today, Ms. Cabello is just one in a cacophony of voices aiming to break through in a harsh, post-streaming environment. “It’s not easy for anybody, regardless of your starting point,” said Tom Poleman, the chief programming officer for the radio conglomerate iHeartMedia, which recently booked Ms. Cabello solo for its Jingle Ball. “The field is so competitive that you really need the planets to align.” At times, sole proprietorship has been overwhelming, with people constantly asking Ms. Cabello for her creative input or asking what happened with Fifth Harmony — a subject she does her best to avoid. “I think there’s a healthy amount of space you need to give certain things,” she said. And so for 11 days in late December, in the cocoon of her hometown, she took a break. She settled into old rhythms at her family home and came to Pinecrest to pick up her younger sister, Sofia, only after wresting herself from a savored “Sex and the City” binge. (“In my heart I’m a Carrie, but sadly I think I act like a Charlotte,” she said.) On a tour of its green, al fresco campus, wearing True Religion overalls with one suspender undone and black hightop Chuck Taylors, she looked at ease and made everyone around her feel the same. An old teacher asked whether she would be going on tour soon and she said she was in no rush. “For now,” she said, “I just want to be a kid.” Ms. Cabello comes from a lineage of strivers. She was born in Havana to a Cuban mother and Mexican father and moved back and forth between Cojímar and Mexico City until age 6. One day, her mother, Sinuhe, told her she was going to Disney World, and the two spent the next month together riding by bus to an immigration center at the Mexican border with the United States. Sinuhe had been an architect in Cuba, but in Miami, where she and her daughter moved in with a close family friend, she found work in the shoe department at a Marshall’s. Alejandro, Ms. Cabello’s father, emigrated later and earned money washing cars at the mall. Eventually the couple saved enough to start their own construction company. “My parents’ story helps me to know what’s important in life,” Ms. Cabello said. “A lot of times you can be here and be on Twitter and you think that the world is the internet. But I know what it’s like in the places my family has come from and the struggles people go through.” It caught Sinuhe and Alejandro by surprise when, for her 15th birthday in 2012, Ms. Cabello asked them to drive her to audition for the second season of “The X Factor.” “She was so shy, so shy,” said Sinuhe, who now travels with her daughter on the road, describing how her oldest child would regularly burst into tears at family parties with large crowds and loud music. “We didn’t even think music was a possibility for her,” Sinuhe said. In Fifth Harmony — with Ally Brooke, Dinah Jane, Lauren Jauregui and Normani Kordei — Ms. Cabello was living a dream. The group performed at the White House (twice) and released addictive hits like “Worth It” and “Work From Home” that alone racked up over one billion streams, according to Nielsen Music, and earned them legions of fiercely loyal fans. But dreams can change. In a statement released at midnight on Dec. 18, 2016, the four other members of the group suggested that Ms. Cabello had turned her back on them, communicating her intentions to leave “through her representatives.” Ms. Cabello, in a subsequent statement of her own, said that she had long been open about her desire to explore a solo career and was blindsided by what amounted to a public excommunication. Over a feast of Cuban food at one of her family’s favorite restaurants in Miami, and in a subsequent interview in New York a week later, she agreed to speak at length about how things fell apart. She said that her collaboration in late 2015 with Mr. Mendes — the first time a Fifth Harmony member released music under her own name — had created tension; t hat she had asked to help write lyrics for Fifth Harmony songs and was rebuffed; that she initially wanted to stay in the group while working on a solo album but the other members shut her out instead. “I was just curious and I wanted to learn and I saw all these people around me making music, writing songs and being so free,” she said. “I just wanted to do that and it did not work.” Ms. Cabello said that after the awkwardness of her collaboration with Mr. Mendes, things further soured when she began attending writing sessions with producers including Diplo, Cashmere Cat and Benny Blanco. Eventually, she said, she was given an ultimatum. “It became clear that it was not possible to do solo stuff and be in the group at the same time,” she said. So she made her choice, basing it on what she said was her conviction that “if anyone wants to explore their individuality, it’s not right for people to tell you no.” Since the breakup, Ms. Cabello has tried to move on from hard feelings, throwing herself into “Camila.” (She changed its name from “The Hurting, the Healing, the Loving” partly to wash her hands of drama.) But it hasn’t always been easy. In August last year, the remaining members took a less-than-subtle jab at their former groupmate with a stunt that opened a high-profile performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. As the camera zoomed in on a dark, elevated platform showing five women in silhouette, one was dramatically yanked off the stage as if hit by a truck. Ms. Cabello’s eyes welled up as she recalled watching it live. She had been at home in the living room with her mother. “It definitely hurt my feelings,” she said. “I wasn’t expecting it, I wasn’t prepared for it — especially because at that point I’d moved on from it. I was just like, ‘What? Why?’” She gathered herself. “I have to make space for the good stuff to happen in my life,” she said. “I don’t like holding onto the past, especially when it’s stuff that, in my opinion, is just petty.” Like the pop astronauts who went solo before her, Ms. Cabello is now both a known quantity and a blank slate, caught between an outsize past and an uncertain future. Her first single as a solo artist was an early artifact of this wobbly developmental period. “Crying in the Club” — an arch, dancehall-flecked power ballad released last spring — was produced by Benny Blanco from an original demo written and recorded by Sia. The track underperformed commercially and was left off the final track list of “Camila.” “The reality of that song is it doesn’t feel or sound like Camila,” said Roger Gold, Ms. Cabello’s manager and a former lawyer for Fifth Harmony. Mr. Gold said it took time for Ms. Cabello, free of the army of handlers and tacticians who maintained creative control of the girl group, to feel comfortable asserting herself in front of more seasoned collaborators. “The most important learning in this whole thing was that we were most successful when Camila trusted in her own instincts,” he said. A breakthrough came while she was working with the producer Frank Dukes, born Adam Feeney, who has made his name as a prolific but low-key co-conspirator of self-styled stars like Drake and Lorde. Many potential collaborators had come to the studio armed with sleek, brassy Top 40 munitions in the style of Fifth Harmony hits. But Mr. Feeney’s approach was more nonchalant. Over sushi during an early session with Ms. Cabello last winter, he played her a deceptively simple instrumental with a prominent salsa piano riff. It reminded the singer of her birthplace, and she wrote the chorus for what became “Havana” on the spot. “There’s not another artist in the world who could have done that song — she just owns it,” Mr. Feeney said. Many of the songs on “Camila,” which Mr. Feeney executive produced and includes writing by Ms. Cabello on every track, are infused with tonal or lyrical references to her Latin heritage. Ms. Cabello said she took inspiration from the Latin music that soundtracked her childhood, as well as more contemporary reggaeton revisionists like Calle 13 and J Balvin. Then she blended those sounds with the auteur pop of artists like her friends Taylor Swift and Ed Sheeran, hoping to unearth her own original recipe. “I feel like the best way to come up with something new and different is just to be the you-est you possible,” Ms. Cabello said. “If you pull from all the different little parts of yourself, nobody can replicate that.” Mr. Poleman, of iHeartMedia, said it is Ms. Cabello’s sensibilities as a songwriter that will define her career. With “Havana” and “Bad Things,” he said, “she has quickly established herself as one of the most important young artists in pop music. “It always comes down to whether or not you have a song that resonates,” he added. “I know she spends a lot of time thinking about that.” In an under-lit, overpriced restaurant in Midtown Manhattan after her break in Miami had ended, Ms. Cabello, who has lately imagined herself as a vegan, provoked a kale salad while bopping along to Michael Jackson’s “The Way You Make Me Feel.” The song had been a highlight from a recent Christmas Eve karaoke night with her family (she was the only one who knew its final “Give it to me” pre-chorus), and she grieved for her cocoon. In 48 hours, she would perform before Mariah Carey at “Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve With Ryan Seacrest” in a bejeweled, ankle-length coat and metallic jumpsuit that made her look like a glamorous conquistador. Then she had a tour to design, and music video concepts to finalize and a social media campaign to figure out. She started to explain why things were trickier now, how she no longer had anyone to pick up the slack. “Even when there’s a day off, there’s never really a day off, because there’s so many decisions to be made and you’re always rushing to make stuff,” she said, as Jackson ad-libbed in the background. The music kept making her lose her train of thought. Finally, after a few vain attempts to catch it, she gave in and stopped explaining herself and sang along.[source]

[johnboothus]

How Reusing Yeast Makes More Sustainable Homebrew

There’s only one ingredient in beer that’s still alive when we put it to work. The hops have long been dried; the malt, kilned to death; the water never had a life at all. But yeast are still kicking when they arrive in a homebrewer’s hands. It takes a lot to keep them that way: sealed plastic packaging to keep out oxygen; storage at consistent, cool temperatures; and insulated shippers and cooling packs. In the right conditions, it’s not very difficult to extend the life of these microscopic fermentation powerhouses.

Reusing yeast is an easy process that takes place in four stages: harvesting, rinsing, storing, and pitching. In a small way, doing this makes homebrewing more sustainable by saving on cost per batch, getting the most out of the water used, and minimizing the amount of plastic packaging from yeast packets that homebrewing puts into landfills.

Which Yeast Strains Can Be Reused?

Tim Fothergill has a Ph.D. in microbiology that he puts to use as the head of packaging and quality at Denizens Brewing Co. in Silver Spring, Md. He has been homebrewing and reusing yeast for a decade with one yeast culture, which he started by mixing a pitch of British Ale and a pitch of Edinburgh Ale yeasts. He has rebrewed with this culture more than 40 times.

Though his extensive use is possible, it is more common to reuse a single package of yeast somewhere between three and 10 times. Any yeast that has completed a successful fermentation can be harvested and reused. As long as the yeast doesn’t appear dark (a sign of oxidation) or give off unexpected sour or funky smells, it is ripe for repitching.

Luis Yanes, a homebrewer and sightseeing guide for the New York City tour company sarahfunky, says the yeast strain he repitched the most was Wyeast 1450. “It definitely got at least six uses,” he says.

When Candice Campbell, who has been homebrewing since 2012, began using more expensive liquid yeast strains from Omega Yeast Labs, she started to reuse her yeast. This can be a nice way to soften the increased investment when upgrading from cheaper dry yeast to more costly liquid yeast. With some yeast cultures priced at more than $12 per pitch, even getting three uses out of one package makes a big difference in cost — not to mention, saving on plastic packaging, insulated shippers, and, in warmer months, as many as three ice packs per yeast package.

Then, there’s the fact that 2020 happened: “My local homebrew shop was low on certain yeasts during the pandemic, so that was another reason to repitch,” Campbell says.

Campbell likes to brew saisons and wheat beers and has had success pitching American ale yeast, Kveik yeast, and German ale yeasts. Her gingerbread ale recently medaled at the second-ever homebrew competition she’s entered.

How to Harvest and Rinse Yeast for Repitching

Reusing yeast starts with getting yeast out of your fermenter after you’ve racked the beer into a keg or bottling bucket. It’s best to prepare for harvesting the night before, but at least four hours before you intend to rack the beer.

You’ll need a large pot for boiling, one 1-gallon heat resistant container (a glass carboy works for this), four 12- or 16-ounce heat-resistant glass containers with lids (Ball jars are perfect for this), and long tongs or another method for removing the glass containers from boiling water.

Boil the glass containers (one large, three to four smaller) in enough water to cover and fill them completely for about 30 minutes. Turn off the heat, remove the glass containers from the water, and place them on a clean surface.

Carefully fill each container with the boiled (now sanitized) water. Seal the containers and allow them to cool completely. You will need both the sanitized water and the sanitized containers for harvesting.

The rinsing step is sometimes referred to as “yeast washing” by homebrewers, though the term is more accurately used by professional brewers and refers to a process that uses chemicals to eliminate bacteria and potential contaminants from the culture. This process for homebrewers is far easier and can be referred to more accurately as yeast rinsing.

Fothergill’s team at Denizens Brewing conducts yeast washing in a lab. When it comes to treating homebrew yeast, he says, “I see this method as sedimentation steps.” That’s because the goal is simply to separate out the healthiest yeast cells from dead cells and trub particles around them — there’s no chemical washing happening.

Rack the current beer off the yeast you will harvest. (This could be into a keg, bottling bucket, or other packaging container.)

Once the beer has been racked into another container, pour the sterilized water from the sterilized 1-gallon container into the fermenter. Swish everything together and allow it to settle. (An advantage in this stage is that the water used to boil and sterilize the glass is the same water used for the yeast rinsing.)

Once a layer of sediment has formed on the bottom of the fermenter (15 to 30 minutes, depending on the batch), carefully pour the top layer into the sterilized 1-gallon glass jar leaving as much of the settled-out sediment and trub behind as possible.

Next, add the cool, sterilized water from the other glass containers on top of the yeast slurry in the 1-gallon container, and let this mixture settle. Be sure to put the lids back on the containers so the interiors remain sterile while waiting for the mixture in the larger container to settle. (Yanes speeds up this process by putting the mixture in the refrigerator, which accelerates sedimentation. Fothergill allows his mixture to settle while he goes about packing his homebrew, or cleaning, which takes about an hour.)

Once the mixture in the 1-gallon container settles out, pour the very top quarter of the mixture off; it’s mostly water. (Another advantage in this stage is that the water used to boil and sterilize the glass is the same water used for the yeast rinsing.)

Then pour the center of the mixture (Yanes describes this as “milky looking”) into the three or four smaller sterilized containers, filling them all the way to the top, and seal them. Leaving no extra space in the jar eliminates the potential for oxidation. Depending on batch size, you may only get three full glass containers, and that’s plenty of yeast!

This yeast is now harvested, rinsed, and ready for storage.

How to Store and Repitch Harvested Yeast

Campbell simply stores her yeast in the sterile glass containers in the refrigerator until needed. “I even put some in small growlers with labels,” she says.

Yeast will need to do some waking up after their time in the cold refrigerator. Take a jar out at the beginning of brew day to give them some time to acclimate to room temperature before being pitched into fresh wort. Yanes usually sets out his jars at least three hours before pitching.

After yeast has come to room temperature (70 degrees Fahrenheit, give or take), give it a good swirl before pouring it into the fermenter over freshly brewed wort.

“Yeast rinsing is pretty easy. If you feel uncomfortable doing it, you can just pitch a beer onto the yeast cake,” says Campbell. This works best with yeast that was just used to ferment a relatively low-alcohol content beer, about 5.5 percent ABV or less. Fresh wort must be poured over the yeast cake immediately after the previous beer was racked off it to prevent contamination.

What to Expect from Repitched Yeast

Repitched yeast can have more vitality than the yeast that comes out of a manufacturing lab’s package. That’s because it has been beefed up on nutrients and fermentable sugars in beer and given the chance to multiply.

One thing to watch out for is the ABV of the final beer the yeast has just fermented — yeast will stay healthier and more vital if the ABV is increased after each successive pitch, not decreased. For example, fermenting a 5 percent ABV beer prepares yeast to ferment a 6.5 percent ABV beer, which gives them the vitality for an 8 percent ABV beer. The higher the alcohol in a beer, the most hostile the environment is to the yeast. For this reason, Campbell doesn’t recommend repitching anything that has fermented a beer over 8 percent. “I haven’t had success with it,” she says.

As generations of yeast (each reuse is considered a new “generation” of that pitch) increase, changes in behavior may occur. Both Campbell and Yanes noted a muting of yeast-derived flavors, like spicy phenols and fruit-forward esters, in later generations of yeast. “After the fifth time using Wyeast 1450, I noticed the fruity qualities in my NEIPA were not as pungent,” Yanes says.

However, Fothergill detected an unexpected increase in banana-like esters after about the 15th pitch of his strain. “After a couple of batches like that I went back to a previous generation,” he says. “Problem solved.”

Homebrewing is a hobby that requires an exorbitant amount of resources such as water to make the final product, so every drop that is able to be reused is important. This process makes the most out of water usage while recycling another pillar ingredient in beer — yeast. Now that’s an environmental win. Homebrewers may not store as many samples as a microbiologist like Fothergill, but if new flavors pop up in your own yeast culture, remember it is always possible to start over by purchasing a new pitch. After all, you already saved on cost and waste by repitching at all.

The article How Reusing Yeast Makes More Sustainable Homebrew appeared first on VinePair.

Via https://vinepair.com/articles/how-reuse-yeast-homebrew/

source https://vinology1.weebly.com/blog/how-reusing-yeast-makes-more-sustainable-homebrew

[wineanddinosaur]

How Reusing Yeast Makes More Sustainable Homebrew

There’s only one ingredient in beer that’s still alive when we put it to work. The hops have long been dried; the malt, kilned to death; the water never had a life at all. But yeast are still kicking when they arrive in a homebrewer’s hands. It takes a lot to keep them that way: sealed plastic packaging to keep out oxygen; storage at consistent, cool temperatures; and insulated shippers and cooling packs. In the right conditions, it’s not very difficult to extend the life of these microscopic fermentation powerhouses.

Reusing yeast is an easy process that takes place in four stages: harvesting, rinsing, storing, and pitching. In a small way, doing this makes homebrewing more sustainable by saving on cost per batch, getting the most out of the water used, and minimizing the amount of plastic packaging from yeast packets that homebrewing puts into landfills.

Which Yeast Strains Can Be Reused?

Tim Fothergill has a Ph.D. in microbiology that he puts to use as the head of packaging and quality at Denizens Brewing Co. in Silver Spring, Md. He has been homebrewing and reusing yeast for a decade with one yeast culture, which he started by mixing a pitch of British Ale and a pitch of Edinburgh Ale yeasts. He has rebrewed with this culture more than 40 times.

Though his extensive use is possible, it is more common to reuse a single package of yeast somewhere between three and 10 times. Any yeast that has completed a successful fermentation can be harvested and reused. As long as the yeast doesn’t appear dark (a sign of oxidation) or give off unexpected sour or funky smells, it is ripe for repitching.

Luis Yanes, a homebrewer and sightseeing guide for the New York City tour company sarahfunky, says the yeast strain he repitched the most was Wyeast 1450. “It definitely got at least six uses,” he says.

When Candice Campbell, who has been homebrewing since 2012, began using more expensive liquid yeast strains from Omega Yeast Labs, she started to reuse her yeast. This can be a nice way to soften the increased investment when upgrading from cheaper dry yeast to more costly liquid yeast. With some yeast cultures priced at more than $12 per pitch, even getting three uses out of one package makes a big difference in cost — not to mention, saving on plastic packaging, insulated shippers, and, in warmer months, as many as three ice packs per yeast package.

Then, there’s the fact that 2020 happened: “My local homebrew shop was low on certain yeasts during the pandemic, so that was another reason to repitch,” Campbell says.

Campbell likes to brew saisons and wheat beers and has had success pitching American ale yeast, Kveik yeast, and German ale yeasts. Her gingerbread ale recently medaled at the second-ever homebrew competition she’s entered.

How to Harvest and Rinse Yeast for Repitching

Reusing yeast starts with getting yeast out of your fermenter after you’ve racked the beer into a keg or bottling bucket. It’s best to prepare for harvesting the night before, but at least four hours before you intend to rack the beer.

You’ll need a large pot for boiling, one 1-gallon heat resistant container (a glass carboy works for this), four 12- or 16-ounce heat-resistant glass containers with lids (Ball jars are perfect for this), and long tongs or another method for removing the glass containers from boiling water.

Boil the glass containers (one large, three to four smaller) in enough water to cover and fill them completely for about 30 minutes. Turn off the heat, remove the glass containers from the water, and place them on a clean surface.

Carefully fill each container with the boiled (now sanitized) water. Seal the containers and allow them to cool completely. You will need both the sanitized water and the sanitized containers for harvesting.

The rinsing step is sometimes referred to as “yeast washing” by homebrewers, though the term is more accurately used by professional brewers and refers to a process that uses chemicals to eliminate bacteria and potential contaminants from the culture. This process for homebrewers is far easier and can be referred to more accurately as yeast rinsing.

Fothergill’s team at Denizens Brewing conducts yeast washing in a lab. When it comes to treating homebrew yeast, he says, “I see this method as sedimentation steps.” That’s because the goal is simply to separate out the healthiest yeast cells from dead cells and trub particles around them — there’s no chemical washing happening.

Rack the current beer off the yeast you will harvest. (This could be into a keg, bottling bucket, or other packaging container.)

Once the beer has been racked into another container, pour the sterilized water from the sterilized 1-gallon container into the fermenter. Swish everything together and allow it to settle. (An advantage in this stage is that the water used to boil and sterilize the glass is the same water used for the yeast rinsing.)

Once a layer of sediment has formed on the bottom of the fermenter (15 to 30 minutes, depending on the batch), carefully pour the top layer into the sterilized 1-gallon glass jar leaving as much of the settled-out sediment and trub behind as possible.

Next, add the cool, sterilized water from the other glass containers on top of the yeast slurry in the 1-gallon container, and let this mixture settle. Be sure to put the lids back on the containers so the interiors remain sterile while waiting for the mixture in the larger container to settle. (Yanes speeds up this process by putting the mixture in the refrigerator, which accelerates sedimentation. Fothergill allows his mixture to settle while he goes about packing his homebrew, or cleaning, which takes about an hour.)

Once the mixture in the 1-gallon container settles out, pour the very top quarter of the mixture off; it’s mostly water. (Another advantage in this stage is that the water used to boil and sterilize the glass is the same water used for the yeast rinsing.)

Then pour the center of the mixture (Yanes describes this as “milky looking”) into the three or four smaller sterilized containers, filling them all the way to the top, and seal them. Leaving no extra space in the jar eliminates the potential for oxidation. Depending on batch size, you may only get three full glass containers, and that’s plenty of yeast!

This yeast is now harvested, rinsed, and ready for storage.

How to Store and Repitch Harvested Yeast

Campbell simply stores her yeast in the sterile glass containers in the refrigerator until needed. “I even put some in small growlers with labels,” she says.

Yeast will need to do some waking up after their time in the cold refrigerator. Take a jar out at the beginning of brew day to give them some time to acclimate to room temperature before being pitched into fresh wort. Yanes usually sets out his jars at least three hours before pitching.

After yeast has come to room temperature (70 degrees Fahrenheit, give or take), give it a good swirl before pouring it into the fermenter over freshly brewed wort.

“Yeast rinsing is pretty easy. If you feel uncomfortable doing it, you can just pitch a beer onto the yeast cake,” says Campbell. This works best with yeast that was just used to ferment a relatively low-alcohol content beer, about 5.5 percent ABV or less. Fresh wort must be poured over the yeast cake immediately after the previous beer was racked off it to prevent contamination.

What to Expect from Repitched Yeast

Repitched yeast can have more vitality than the yeast that comes out of a manufacturing lab’s package. That’s because it has been beefed up on nutrients and fermentable sugars in beer and given the chance to multiply.

One thing to watch out for is the ABV of the final beer the yeast has just fermented — yeast will stay healthier and more vital if the ABV is increased after each successive pitch, not decreased. For example, fermenting a 5 percent ABV beer prepares yeast to ferment a 6.5 percent ABV beer, which gives them the vitality for an 8 percent ABV beer. The higher the alcohol in a beer, the most hostile the environment is to the yeast. For this reason, Campbell doesn’t recommend repitching anything that has fermented a beer over 8 percent. “I haven’t had success with it,” she says.

As generations of yeast (each reuse is considered a new “generation” of that pitch) increase, changes in behavior may occur. Both Campbell and Yanes noted a muting of yeast-derived flavors, like spicy phenols and fruit-forward esters, in later generations of yeast. “After the fifth time using Wyeast 1450, I noticed the fruity qualities in my NEIPA were not as pungent,” Yanes says.

However, Fothergill detected an unexpected increase in banana-like esters after about the 15th pitch of his strain. “After a couple of batches like that I went back to a previous generation,” he says. “Problem solved.”

Homebrewing is a hobby that requires an exorbitant amount of resources such as water to make the final product, so every drop that is able to be reused is important. This process makes the most out of water usage while recycling another pillar ingredient in beer — yeast. Now that’s an environmental win. Homebrewers may not store as many samples as a microbiologist like Fothergill, but if new flavors pop up in your own yeast culture, remember it is always possible to start over by purchasing a new pitch. After all, you already saved on cost and waste by repitching at all.

The article How Reusing Yeast Makes More Sustainable Homebrew appeared first on VinePair.

source https://vinepair.com/articles/how-reuse-yeast-homebrew/

[killianmesmalls]

A Tether to the World, Ch. 2

I have never been so lost in a pairing as I have been the last two days with KnightRook. I was supposed to be editing something else. Send help. Or don’t. Please don’t. 

Chapter: 2/?

Warnings: Very mild, brief mention of past child abuse.

Synopsis: Alice is restless and Hook is at a loss. How can he give his daughter an adventure when she’s trapped?

Gods above, she was antsy. He couldn’t blame her. Spending weeks, even months at a time at sea had shown him his fair share of cabin fever. However, the Jolly Roger was a fair bit larger than this tower; even as a cabin boy he had more room to move around than his poor, darling six-year-old daughter did.

So, he couldn’t really blame her for her fidgety, irritable behavior. Usually he was able to curtail it with a game of some sort or an hour or so of pretend that would leave their living space in ruins. But, she was getting bigger, more aware that Papa could leave but Alice had to sit at home by her lonesome, likely with some chore or homeschooling assignment he had given her. She was bored and lonely, simple as that.

Even if he had caved to giving her a rabbit… and would likely cave again whatever other pet her heart desired because heaven help his conscience if he said no. Today even the white lop couldn’t distract his Alice, who kicked at her makeshift school desk in frustration.

“I don’t want to do this anymore!” she snapped.

The captain in him struggled to demand order and obedience, but the father in him crumbled at what he knew was an unavoidable bout of well-deserved frustration. The sun was out in the first warm day of spring, sending the scents of dewy grass and lavender all the way up through their tower window. He had hoped having her draw star maps of various worlds would both educate and entertain her, but anything short of tearing down the damn tower was sending her spinning toward a tantrum.

“Alice,” he said, an edge of authority in his tone before it softened, “I understand that you’re—”

“No you don’t!” yelled Alice. “You get to do whatever you please! You don’t understand at all!”

“Alice Jones,” he started, his captain’s voice inching in enough to give her pause. They both knew it was nothing more than a sign he, too, was nearing his last nerve. After the way he was raised, after what he had endured and the scars he had suffered as a child sold into servitude, there were certain lines he would never cross. Not with his Alice. At worst his captain tone with his bright child meant an evening without sweets or only one bedtime story. Luckily it rarely came to that—the thought of her father ever being disappointed in her sent a sharp pain through Alice’s heart any time she entertained it.

Well, most times. This may have been heading toward a Jones family first. Before she could descend further into madness, Killian stepped toward her, put his hands on her shoulders, and kissed the top of her head. “I’m going to ask you to do something, and I am going to ask for you to trust me.”

Her shoulders slumped a little in his hands and she craned her neck to look back at him. “Do what, Papa?”

“I want you to rest for a few hours. Try to sleep. I know you haven’t been sleeping well the last few days. If you can’t sleep, pick a book and read as much as you can, but I’d really like for you to do all you can to get a few moments of rest. I am going to get a few things and I’ll be back as soon as I can. If all goes well, and if you do this for me, then we’ll have quite an evening ahead of us. I promise you.”

He felt her tense for but a moment, preparing to argue, then the fight left as quick as it rose through her. She slumped the rest of the way and gave a short nod. “Yes, Papa.”

“That’s my girl,” he praised, kissing her soft, blond curls again before grabbing his leather duster. “And please remember to clean up after Mary Ann. I don’t want to step on more rabbit leavings when I come home.”

She giggled mischievously, the sound sending his heart fluttering. “Yes, Papa.”

“Oh, and one more thing—where would you like to go?”

Alice’s eyebrows knit together. “Go?”

“Yes, love. Tell me a world and I will bring it to you.”

A wide, almost rabbit-like smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. “Can we go to Agrabah? Somewhere far away.”

Killian gave her a firm nod, his eyebrow rising as his own signature smirk flashed. “Agrabah it is. Now, off to rest. And don’t come back out until I call for you. I need to work some magic first.”

The climb down was always the hardest. Not simply because it was more difficult to get the grip he needed, but the thought of leaving his daughter always sent a boulder rolling in his stomach. The nearest village was nearly an hour’s walk away, and each step felt like it took him an eternity away from her. Thankfully, in the years since he had departed from his beloved Jolly Roger, his loyal first mate (Captain, now, he reminded himself) continued to send Hook what Smee felt was his rightful sum of gold after each adventure the crew went on without him. Though his heart ached for the spray of the ocean and the thrill of other worlds, the years had given Hook a deeper appreciation for the old rat’s steadfast friendship.

Killian had most recently been able to acquire a horse and pay for it to be kept in the nearby village stables. It was only fair for the beast to have more companionship than he could offer from the foot of their tower, and it was only fair to Alice to not have the neighing taunt her as another reminder of something she couldn’t see or touch.

The stables were only a fifteen-minute trek down a grassy path. He had been careful over the years to keep it from wearing too much, to prevent others from knowing about their hidden tower. He suspected the kind stable owner knew it somewhat, but she paid him no mind so long as he paid her in gold. From the stables, it was a fast gallop to get where he needed, and his mind ran with what he could possibly get to soothe his daughter’s fitful, adventurous soul. Exotic spices, expensive in a foreign realm but well worth it for his girl, were the first items that came to mind. After that, he was lost.

That is, until the third tent in the street market came into view. “Star Lamps and Fairy Lights” the sign advertised. Curiosity piqued, he stepped inside and marveled at an array of various-sized crystal balls, all colored a velvety blackish blue with small, clear speckles dotting each one. He approached one, taking in the label beneath it.

“Neverland,” it said. He raised the ball closer, immediately recognizing the speckles formed familiar shapes, ones he had memorized a thousand times over from his years trapped with the demon, Pan. His eyes scanned the other crystal pieces, catching miniaturized constellations he had navigated under for centuries.

“Would you like to see how it works?” a voice croaked behind him. Killian turned to see a withered man whose wild eyebrows adorned sparkling blue eyes. In his surprise, he simply nodded and watched as the man closed the tent cover, blocking all signs of the spring afternoon. The only light left was a small fire in a strange brass lantern. The elderly man shuffled toward the device, placing the ball labeled “Neverland” atop its setting. Instantly, the tent filled with a night sky Killain was so acquainted with it took his breath away.

Sure, the images were a little distorted around the corners of the tent, but gods it was as close as he could ever imagine getting without a magic bean. “It’s brilliant,” he breathed out. “How many realms do you have?”

“Dozens. Is there one in particular you’re looking for?”

“Agrabah, if you have it. I’ll take as many as I can carry, though.”

An exuberant fire lit in Killian’s heart as he made his way out of the market. His bag was heavier than he anticipated, now packed full of foreign foodstuffs, incense, four of some silly ‘calming’ water mechanism he hoped would do the trick, and as many starry crystals as he could fit with their accompanying lantern. Climbing back up that tower would be a magnificent challenge, but it would be well worth it.

It was when he spotted the small wagon wheel cast aside in the road that he knew it would be more than one climb, but he’d climb as much as he needed to bring his daughter a minute of happiness. A minute of pretend. A minute of freedom. His every muscle burned by the time he and all his loot had made it back inside their home, the tell-tale signs of sunset creating an orange glow over the quiet tower.

True to her word, Alice had kept to her room. Killian chanced a peek in on her and was relieved to see her spread like a starfish over her bed, covers half twisted and a book open at her side. Every minute he thought he couldn’t love her more was a minute he was proven wrong.

Pulling himself away from the sight, he got to work. Sheets and rope first, his years of tying masts doing him a wealth of good as he worked in as much quiet as he could manage. He thanked the gods Alice, when she could sleep, slept like the dead. Moving furniture along the hardwood floor wasn’t the most silent of tasks, but he caught her stir only once before she settled.

Next, he cleaned the wagon wheel and pierced a hole dead center of their wooden counter, fastening it to as close to a steering mechanism as he could manage with such limited tools. It wasn’t perfect, but he hoped his six-year-old would get the gist. From his mock-helm, he looked out over the living room area, now converted into a facsimile of the Jolly Roger. At least, as close to it as he could hope to make without real magic at his disposal. Pulling out the silly water toys that had been advertised for “tranquility” and to “reduce stress”—a lost idea to him since he acquired the constant worry of parenthood—he filled them with water and spaced them evenly around the fake ship, activating their mechanics so a mild sloshing sound could be heard around him. It was by no means the sea, but it could work in a pinch.

He moved to light the incense, the scent of sea-salt and seaweed lifting into the air after the initial burnt sulfur died away. Finally, he set himself up in the kitchen, going to work on the few recipes he could remember from his limited times in Agrabah. The mostly-desert world wasn’t one he had grown too accustomed to, but he would bloody well do everything he could to recreate the sense of its coastline now.

Go figure, it was the smell of food that stirred his Alice awake. He could imagine Liam teasing that she was just like him.

“Papa?” she called, her voice light and a little croaky from sleep. “Can I come out now?”

Rushing to set up the lantern, he placed Agrabah’s constellations across the ceiling of their tower, careful to adjust it so the stars were in their rightful places for the time of year. “You can come out, love,” he finally called back.

At the first sight of their living room area, Alice’s eyes widened, her gaze moving through every inch of what her father had created. He chose then to sweep over to her, letting food simmer over a low flame. “Would you like to step aboard, m’lady?”

“W-where are we?” she asked.

“Why, the Jolly Roger, of course.”

She moved with him in a daze toward the “helm” of the ship, senses assaulted with the smells of a mixture of sea air, cooking dishes from the bazaar, the sound of waves lopping around them, and the night sky glittering above.

“Oh, Papa…” she started, her eyes welling with more emotions than she could grasp. “It’s so… I…”

He knelt down beside her, wrapping his arms around her middle in a tight hug from behind, his scruffy cheek resting against hers. “Darling, I can’t imagine how you must feel each day being trapped in here. But I swear on my life, I will do whatever it takes to break this curse. And, until I do, I will do everything in my power to bring the realms to you.”

He held her for a long stretch, the pair letting the mimicked world around them work its magic, letting little Alice forget just a little that she was a prisoner. For now, even just a little while, she was a free sailor in a new world with her papa, the best captain in all the realms, at her side.

As if reading her mind, he guided her hands to the wagon wheel. “Now, would you like to show me what you know already? Let’s test out that sea in your blood, eh?”

She looked up, chewing her lips as she tried to get her bearings with the constellations dancing above her head. She named a few she recognized from the maps he had given her to study, and together they sailed this new world. His hands rested on her sides, mimicking the rocking of the ship to help give her, her sea legs for when they did finally leave this wretched tower.

If she closed her eyes for long enough, if she let him work what magic he had, she could almost feel like they were there.

[theliterateape]

Paving That Well-Intentioned Road (or Make Sure You Have Plenty of Milk)

By Don Hall

“The trouble with doing favors for your staff is that they start to think they are entitled to them...”

“Yo. You’ve mentioned ‘favors’ like six times. I’m not doing them ‘favors’—I’m being flexible with the schedule to accommodate their lives.”

“Okay. Your flexibility has become a liability. All it takes is one person to decide that when you aren’t flexible when they want it, that your saying ‘no’ is unfair. The rules are there to be followed rigidly so that that one person can’t put your job at risk.”

“Sort of like ‘this is why we can’t have nice things’ and all that.”

“Exactly.”

✶

When I arrived on the shores of Lake Michigan in 1989, I had quite close to nothing in my perspective. I had a Bronco II in decent shape, an Optima credit card with roughly $300 of credit, no savings, no job, no address. For four months, I played my trumpet on street corners for enough scratch to feed myself and put gas in the truck while I went through the red tape of Illinois teacher certification.

My Kansas and Arkansas mentality was assaulted by more people in need than I had encountered before and my kneejerk reaction was to share what I had. In my capacity as a survivor on the street with no home but my vehicle, I was ground level daily with grinders, grifters, and bums whose industry was plying change from well-meaning people passing by.

While I had relatively little I was still one of those well-meaning people. I’d give a dollar to the guy with the cardboard sign declaring he was a veteran and needed something to eat. I’d slide a few bucks I had made playing “When the Saints Came Marching In” on Randolph Street to the dude with the story about his wife needing to go the hospital and all he needed was a few bucks for gas in the car to take her there. Every other day I’d swing into a White Hen Pantry to splash some water on my balls, ass, and armpits and snag an apple and two bagels for lunch. The second bagel was for Roy, the homeless guy who stood in front and off to the side of the joint telling people he hadn’t eaten and could they spare some change for some food?

About two months into my Bronco II residency, I showed up to get my whore’s bath. I didn’t have the cash for both bagels and, as I left for my home on wheels, Roy barked “Hey! Where’s mine?”

“Sorry, Roy, I don’t have enough for two bagels today.”

“Fuck that. Gimme that one!”

“Nah, man. I gotta eat.”

“Fuck you, white boy! I GOTTA EAT! Motherfucker holding out on my bagel. Fuck THAT!”

My grandfather loved the phrase “If you give a mouse a cookie, he’s gonna want a glass of milk” but I never understood it until that moment. It made me suddenly furious that I had, in my perspective, been a good person, gifting this stranger some food three times a week only to be turned upon so viciously when I couldn’t accommodate him. I was twenty-three years old and the complexities of humanity, of income inequality, and of perpetual bigotry hadn’t become as illuminated as they would decades later so I felt personally affronted.

For a week, I was pissed off about it. I couldn’t get it out of my mind and I became angrier about it every day. I went back to my routine and, sure enough, there was Roy. He acted as if nothing had happened. To him it was a nothing burger with invisible pickles. I went in, washed up, and brought him his bagel. Instead of heading back to play, I hung around for a bit.

Roy stuffed the bagel in his pocket. A moment later he told a couple entering into the store “Can you help me? I haven’t eaten in two days and every little bit helps.” I was shocked in only that way a naive idiot is shocked when he realizes Santa doesn’t exist or love is rarely, if ever, unconditional. I watched him replay this a few more times until I couldn’t take it. The next person walks by, he declares he hasn’t eaten in two days, and I leap from my bench and yell “Check his pocket! He’s lying! I just gave him a bagel!”

From that point, I started to question every person claiming need. Was that guy really a veteran or was that just a grift? Was the other guy’s wife really in his car blocks away needing medical assistance? The more I looked for the dishonesty, the more I found it and I stopped giving. I developed that instant “No. Not today. I don’t have change,” retort and quickly walked away before even bothering to listen to the pitch.

Decades later, I comprehend my anger in a way that I was too close to before. My well intentioned sharing was transactional. I gave the guy a bagel and wanted in return gratitude and a sense of my own virtue. 

✶

In 2005, a friend suddenly turned on myself and a few others (No. Not the one you’re thinking of right now). I was flabbergasted that I was being painted as this evil force in her life when my only recollection was that I had been nothing but friendly and supportive of her—she lost her phone, I gave her my old iPhone kind of relationship. It became ridiculous so I distanced myself. I decided that it was less important for me to understand how she had gone from friend to foe and more important to just stay away from it. Anyone who took her seriously wasn't a person I wanted to hang around with so it solved several problems at once. 

A couple months of this went by and suddenly, it turned out that she’d been in a downward spiral and finally looked to get some help. "I recently had a breakdown and was reading a lot about abuse and that was all I saw around me. I trust your account of our relationship, though, and I'm sorry." The thing is, it wasn't that simple. After several months of shit mouthing me, I no longer trusted this person to see truth let alone see the truth of our friendship. "I trust your account of our relationship." Somehow, she's telling me that her own accounting of things said and done had been falsified and she can no longer trust her own memories. How does that happen and does it happen more often than we think?

✶

My mother is a true, on the ground, get it done, progressive. Unlike so many seen today, she’s an activist with skin in the game rather than a Twitter following for whom to virtue signal and posture. She’s started food banks in the middle of extreme poverty, sponsored Russian orphans in both money and time (including a church trip to Moscow), and worked for a volunteer program designed to assist former drug addicts get back into society.

My mother has more stories of her well-intentioned road being misinterpreted, her largesse being scandalized, and her kindness being somehow labeled as a liability than I will ever have in my lifetime.

She sent me a wall hanging once that defined her perspective on the whole conundrum and is a balance to my grandpa’s saying.

“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway.

~Mother Teresa”

As all self-help inspirational things, it’s easy to agree and much harder to practice.

My compression has become something like this:

Give a mouse a cookie and he’s gonna want a glass of milk. So bring some milk, motherfucker. It’s only milk.

[reddiefortheweekend-blog]

Trip of a Lifetime: Part Two (Reddie)

Warnings: Underage drinking

Summary: The Losers go on a trip to wrap up their 18th summer.

Pairings: Richie x Eddie — Bill x Stan — Ben x Bev

Parts: 1, 2, 3, 4

Part Two:

“Green Valley Campground” read Richie, glancing at the words printed on the campground’s faded sign. “Looks like we’re here, guys!” He exclaimed excitedly, waking up Bill and Stan in the backseat. “The best campground in all the state.”

The campground sat on the edge of a modest lake and was surrounded by a thick mixed-wood forest that continued into the distance, blanketing a collection of small, rounded mountains. The sounds of birds and insects hummed in the overgrowth and a cleansing breeze swept through the air.

Bill had rented two small cabins overlooking the lake in the far corner of the site. He explained that he wanted to avoid getting noise complaints from any neighboring sites, therefor he chose to have one of the more secluded sites. The others agreed that this was a good idea considering they were planning on being fairly loud while they were there.

The campground was not too busy. Tents were sparsely erected between the looming trees, but there seemed to be no significant collection of people around. This was perfect for the Losers because it gave them more freedom to roam around or be a bit loud.

Richie flicked on his turn signal and took a right turn onto a thin dirt road labelled ‘Cabins 3-4’. The red truck that the other Losers were in followed close behind. After a few moments of driving, the forest opened up revealing two humble looking cabins placed a few metres away from each other. Both of which overlooked the lake.

Eddie let out a light gasp. “It’s so pretty.”

“It’s pretty, but it sure isn’t as pretty as you, Eds” Richie said, giving Eddie’s cheek a quick pinch.

Eddie recoiled pushing Richie’s hand out of the way while giggling. “Focus on parking the car, jerk.”

Richie parked his vehicle behind the first of the two cabins and hopped out to direct the truck to the other cabin. Both cabins looked reasonably old, most likely being built within the last 60 years. Quaint bushes lined the outside of the walls and a single pine tree sat between the two cabins. Along the lake, there seemed to be a small beach making it a perfect swimming spot.

After both vehicles had parked, everyone hopped out and ran to check out what was inside.

“Only two beds in this cabin”, Richie smirked, “Dibs sleeping with you, Kasbrak!”

“And why would I want to sleep with you?” Richie shot back playfully.

“Well if you don’t want to sleep with me, I can go sleep with Mikey Boy over in the other cabin”

“No, it’s fine. Let’s share a bed” Eddie quickly said, not wanting to lose an opportunity to share a bed with Richie. It is possible he responded too quickly, though, because Richie gave him a sly smirk before tossing himself onto the twin size bed.

Eddie felt his cheeks turn red out of embarrassment. He did not always do the best job trying to hide his feelings for Richie. He sometimes wondered why he insisted on keeping his sexuality a secret. Was he afraid of the response if he decided to come out? He had recently graduated high school, so it was not like he would have to worry about anyone bullying him from school.

So, what was he so afraid of?

“Hey Stan, check out our little bed” said Bill as he jumped onto it.

Stan wandered over to where Bill was and pressed his hands into the mattress. “Seems sturdy enough, eh?”

Richie let out a groan. “I swear to God if you guys keep me up at night I will personally jump into your bed and kill you both whether you’re in the middle of making out or not.”

Stan and Bill chuckled, giving each other a knowing wink.

The inside of the cabin was modest. There were two beds on opposing walls and a fireplace that sat against the wall opposite the door in the center of the room. In the middle of the room lay a small table surrounded by a few wooden chairs that seemed to have been found at an antique store.

“It’s nice”, Bill said, circling the room with his eyes, “Small, a little dusty, but nice.”

A knock at the door suggested that Ben, Bev and Mike had already checked out their cabin and were ready to start up the evening activities.

“Guess who gets a whole bed to himself” Mike announced as he walked through the door. In his right hand he was carrying a case of beer and in his left some cups and balls. “Now who’s ready to get their ass kicked at some beer pong?”

Eddie had never been particularly good at beer pong, but he decided to join in on the fun anyway. He initially was on Ben’s team, but after a few rounds Richie convinced him to come be his partner.

“You know I am not very good, Right?” Eddie said to Richie after taking a sip of his beer.

“I’ve played with worse. Plus, I’m so good that I might need the handicap to make this a fairer game!” Richie joked, giving Eddie a little nudge.

“Nah, you’ll need all the help you can get”, Mike chided from the other end of the table, “No one beats me and Bill when we’re on a team!”

“Yea! Go Bill!” Stan yelled from his spot by the fire place. Stan had taken it upon himself to get everything set up while the others goofed off and drank. No one else seemed interested in unpacking, lighting a fire, or even preparing food, so he decided to do it himself. Though, he did not mind very much.

Ben and Beverly stood beside the pong table making bets on who would win.

“There’s no way Mike and Bill will lose when they’re playing together. They’re unstoppable” Ben explained to Bev who had chosen to bet on Richie and Eddie.

“Well, I find it much more fun cheering for the underdogs”, she said, smiling at Richie and Eddie, “No offence guys.”

“None taken”, Richie laughed, grabbing a ping pong ball from off the table. “That just means these chums are about to lose to the underdogs.”

Ben ended up being right about the game. Eddie and Richie put up a good fight but ended up losing the game by a few cups. At this point, everyone was quite tipsy, Richie and Eddie more-so after losing their game.

“Let’s go swimming!” Richie excitedly announced after a while, raising his cup into the air.

“It’s pitch black out” voiced Stan, a hint of concern in his tone.

“Don’t be a party pooper!” Richie yelled, his shirt already being pulled over his head. “Let’s go!” He started running out the door towards the lake.

Everyone briefly looked at each other before excitedly running out the door with him, clothes flying left and right and cheers filling the starry night sky. They could already tell this was going to be one of the best weekends of their life.

Thanks for reading.

I swear next chapter will be a bit more spicy.

Please send any feedback you may have in my direction. I’d greatly appreciate it. <3

Next chapter will be out soon.

[loremonster]

My First Days In Guam

Pagebreak because TMI about periods and such.

Moving to a new place is pretty much always hard. This time, made harder by language barriers, culture barriers, and the fact that my vagina is bleeding like an arterial wound. The jetlag is pretty hardcore, but I’m beginning to come around to sleeping when it’s dark at least. The heat and humidity is vicious, though I am sure I’ll adjust to that, too. I have trouble picking what exactly I wanna vent about first, so let’s just take it from the top.

Arrival went as smoothly as could be expected; after 2 full days of flights, connections, passport checks, and a grand total of 22 hours in the air with small children screaming, in-flight wi-fi not working, and a toddler kicking my seat the whole way from Seattle to Japan, we completed a journey that started in Minneapolis on the 3rd of December, 8 PM and ended in Guam, the 5th of December, 10 Pm. I will notate here that we crossed the international dateline, and a total of 19 hours in time zone differences. Sleeping on the plane was nearly impossible for me, as certain issues at home had not been resolved; most prominent of which was the fact that our property manager had dropped the ball with our home back in Washington state, and our tenants who were supposed to be keeping that house’s mortgage paid had not yet been able to even SIGN the lease agreement because of multiple mis-communications and goof ups... and NO ONE at the office was returning calls. 

Now a world away with no international phone plan, I was not capable of brow beating the property manager into doing something, and worry kept me awake the majority of the travel time. What sleep I did grab was simply my body and brain succumbing to exhaustion for about 20 minutes at a time before I’d jerk awake, cursing the fact that I wanted to just sleep through the whole damn thing and missing my legal marijuana something hardcore. 

We had a friend awaiting us at arrival, but hopes for a hotel had fallen through. We spent our first hour on the island driving about aimlessly, searching for anyone who would have a room for a night. Our host was good-humored, and helped us get our bags up once we found a room. We were told that if we told the front desk by noon the next day that we wanted to stay longer, we could.

I showered, marveled at my thoroughly swollen ankles, and laid the fuck down to sleep at 1 AM, local time.

I awoke 4 AM, local time, unable to go back to sleep and accepting that after about half an hour of trying to pass out. I decided now was a good time to shave, put on the cute clothes I had bought in the states particularly for the hot weather here, and perchance go for a short walk before the sun came up to get my bearings and buy some sunscreen.

30 minutes later I returned to the hotel a shaken and angry young lady-- I had been whistled at while walking, and a man had pulled over his car to ask if I was okay, twice. My excitement at being in a place where it was socially acceptable for me to wear a skirt and a crop top because it’s always goddamn hot out had turned into a terrible sense of vulnerability. Even if the whistler had simply been a run-of-the-mill asshole, and the man in the car had been a good Samaritan making sure I wasn’t a runaway or a battered girlfriend in need of help, it didn’t change the fact that a moment of confidence for me had been turned into a moment of horror, fear, and anger that I didn’t feel safe on my own. My eagerness to embrace my new home had turned into reactionary terror, and I dove back to my hotel room and my husband simply for the familiar comfort. 

Oh, right, and hubby didn’t get house hunting leave right away, so he had to go to work. I felt terrified to be alone, and was informed I’d be spending our first days quite perfectly by myself.

Then I was informed that the hotel couldn’t keep us, despite us notifying them before noon that yes, we did want to keep the room. They were already booked up. Our room was promised to someone else. Now my hubby had to go and get familiar with his new command, and it was in MY hands to find us a new place to stay before I had to pack out the room and leave the free wifi that enabled me to get things done... and then, at noon, I would be on my own and would just have to kill time until both hubby and his ride were off of work and able to come get me. 

Finding a room was not as hard as I imagined, thankfully. I managed to find a decent booking for what was last night up until our next payday, the 15th, so we’ve got a room for a hot second here. After that, I decided to swallow the fear, pack out the room, leave our baggage with the front desk [they promised they’d look after it until we could pick it up to take to our next hotel], and walk down to the near-by K-mart; the biggest shopping center within a mile and, to me, the best way to kill time until I had a right elsewhere. 

82 degrees in nearly 100% humidity is something that makes short walks seem long. As someone who is an avid player of Pokemon Go, who tends to hatch a 10k egg at least once a day, I did not think a 1.2 KM walk was going to be any sort of difficult, even in the heat. I had water, i had obtained sunscreen, I figured it couldn’t be too bad, but the heat is just so heavy here. It lays on your limbs, the humidity soaks into your clothes and makes them leaden, and my poor sleep deprived body wasn’t exactly the most cooperative vehicle in the world. That said, I did make it. 

Arrival at K-mart had a specific task in mind. I had forgotten to pack one of my swimsuits when originally gathering the things I wanted with me before the move, and now I found myself on a tropical island without swimwear. Sacrilege, of course, so I needed to find something. And, here is where I get into the most minor of all my gripes, but I am beyond upset that there was not wider selection. You see, I will not describe myself as fat. Have I picked up a little pudge in recent months with all the stress eating before the move? Yes. Am I bloated from my period? Hardcore. Are my breasts engorged because of my period as well? Oh you fucking bet. But the point is that I am 5′4″ and weigh in at 150 at my heaviest, and that is by no means an unhealthy weight when you take into account the fact that I am a 32 DDD. A D-cup pair of breasts weigh about 20 pounds on their own, so I’m guessing my pair weigh about 25-ish. Why do I bring this up?

Because a tropical island that sees body types from America to Japan, anywhere from 90 pounds to 300, as well as the more muscular and stout builds I’ve been noticing of the native people, 90% of the swimsuit section was STILL made exclusively for size 0 women. According to the sizes at that sort, I am apparently an XL in the chest and a L in the ass. Oh, right, all bikinis. The one-pieces were all either black or one of those terrible eye-sore patterns, and all only for the people pushing 300 pounds. I WANTED a one-piece originally because, well, I have a pudge. I wanted to swim until I lost some of it before I went into full blown bikini time. Yeah, I’m human, I have feelings about my body. I don’t LIKE being self-conscious, but I am. But here I was, looking through one-piece suits and they’re all labeled either with numbers I don’t understand and clearly made for someone MUCH larger than myself [who I am certain doesn’t want to wear black or eye-melting pink with palm leaves either] or XXXL. 

Once I accepted that I was getting a bikini that day, my eyes were, of course, drawn to something brightly colored-- neon green with black lace, to be exact, but I knew there was no way in hell I’d fit in it. Skipping my ass, these are things my bone structure was simply too wide for. After that, I found another that looked close enough to try on; some army green color with silver accents that I liked. Off to the fitting room! ... for the bottoms to pop several stitches as I pull it on, and for the top to look obscene in the way that it offered my breasts zero support. Technically I could have worn it, I was covered by the strictest sense of the term... but I wouldn’t have felt good wearing it, and I don’t wear anything I don’t feel good in. Personal policy. 

Finally, of course, were the black and eye-melting bikinis. The ones they DO make for women with bodies like mine, with the wide hips and the knockers out of a playboy spread, only these bitches are natural. 

I own a grand total of 5 black swimsuits now, all simply because the brightly colored ones are not made for me. I really hate that. I love the design of the swimsuit I bought, I just wish I could have had it in a fun color. Purple, or green! Blue, or even bright orange! Something other than black. Black is the slimming color, the color that’s supposed to make you look smaller than you are. I’m not small. I’m okay with not being small. I like my breasts, I love my hips. I may not be in love with my pudge but I accept it as part of me right now, and later on after I get back into good food an walking every day that pudge is gonna fade, but the rest of my body type will not. I will never be small enough to fit into anything that is made with any sort of artistic eye, because the people making swimsuits don’t want to dress me. They wanna dress ‘bikini babes’ who have B to C-sized breasts that need minimal support because they’re still very young and perky, and slender bodies with thigh gaps... and I have no issue with gals who are that thin. All bodies are good bodies if you like living in them! I like my body, I like living in my body! I hate that no one who makes clothes seems to like me living in my body. THAT is my fucking problem with that.

And now that I’ve devoted several paragraphs to sheer petty mooing, let’s move on with the rest of the day... namely that I was stuck at that K mart for the next 6 hours because the guy giving us rides forgot that he had a dental appointment that day, and my property manager STILL had failed to get in contact with my tenants. They’d left messages, but no one had gotten back to them. 

To put this in mild perspective, we engaged the property manager back in November, at which point in time they stopped talking to us after we signed the contact between them, the property manager, and us, the owners of the property. Now my tenants needed to sign a lease before making their first payments, payments that cover my mortgage, my mortgage, which had already been automatically paid this month. That’s 1200+ dollars that I could really use in the process of moving for food and such, money NOT in my account because my property managers could be bothered to fucking talk to my people or return a phone call. Displeased was the fucking word. My tenants are literally waiting to pay me their rent, my property manager doesn’t get their cut until they do, and they just completely dropped the ball. 

And I’m doing laps around a K Mart, unable to make phone calls but watching my FB chat blow up about all this, edging up on exhaustion as my stupid circadian rhythm realizes it’s 11 PM back in Minnesota, so obviously I should be sleeping. 

I spend the last hour at K Mart at the Little Caesars pizza housed within, eating too-greasy junk food and finally dozing off on a table until my ride showed up, with 7% battery left when I was finally told SOMEONE was on their way. 

I now sit in the hotel room I booked, which is markedly shitter than advertised. There’s tiles broken apart in the bathroom, someone made the bed weird and put the extra blanket UNDER the fitted sheet. We have a fridge, but the ice tray in it is cracked to shit and leaks in most compartments. There is no ice machine in this building; I have to go down a giant fuck-off hill to fill a tiny ice bucket if I want ice from their machine, which I’m sure helps them save on that cost. 

Good news is that I fell asleep at 7 PM last night, and awoke at 3 AM. Despite this sounding outrageous, that does mean I got a full 8 hours of sleep, which is an improvement. Of course, I got up to use the restroom and found my underwear looking like someone tried to fuck me with a knife, so that was less happy... but hopefully that specific bodily event will be over soon if I’m bleeding that thoroughly. The last two flavors of instant ramen I’ve tried were too spicy for me to eat [it’s all in Japanese so I’m guessing based on the pictures on the boxes], but there’s a USO a block down the street that offers free meals to military members, so I might take a short walk down there today... and I won’t be getting booted out of this room.

Also, I told my property management company they were fired this morning, which got them to clean their act up right quick. My tenants have a lease, and I’ve heard no further complaints on that side thus far. 

And that, dear friends, has been my first two days in Guam. 

Granted, this one still has quite a few hours in it. Local time is only 9:48, but I already feel like it’s 3 in the afternoon... Damn jetlag. 

I want to love this place. It’s my new home. It just doesn’t feel like it yet. 

-Buttlord. 

[doomedandstoned]

Sailing into the Doomed Underworld with VOID KING!

Melissa Marie visits with guitarist Tommy Miller about the Indiana band's journey from leaky garages to international festivals and uncovers a plot to conquer your eardrums...

First of all, I want to say congratulations for all the wild success Void King has experienced in this relatively short amount of time as band. You must feel proud of all of your hard work!

While I appreciate the kind words, I don’t know if we look at it the same way. We have been given a ton of great opportunities by a lot of great people and I think we just took advantage of those when we had them, if that makes sense. We had only been a band for a very short time, when we were asked to open for some pretty big names in the stoner, doom and drone genre. It feels like we hustle hard, but we have these hard to define set of expectations for the band that I don’t know if I could outline. All we really wanted to do when we started this thing was to play loud music and drink beer, but as you see that people are seeming to dig it you want to branch out and what not. We’ve played a lot of shows this year with a lot of bands in a lot of different places. I don’t think that is success, in and of itself, but I do think it’s something we can hang our hats on. So now that I have rambled, I am kind of proud of our work ethic. “Success” will work itself out, whatever that ends up meaning.

Void King at Doomed & Stoned Fest, Filmed by Billy Goate

I would imagine that your relationships with your bandmates would be just as important as your success. I understand that you and your drummer, Derek, have been close friends for about as long as I've been alive that your bassist is actually your younger brother, Chris. How do these connections play into the concoction that is Void King?

I can’t overstate how central and vital that this lineup is to me, personally. I’ve played music with a lot of different people over the years, but the personality thing is always my hang up. As anyone that has ever been in a band before will tell you, that relationship piece is the hardest part to get down and make work. You can write any song with almost anyone. At least, I seem to be able to do that. But to know the people you are writing with and to kind of almost predict how they will participate in the process is borderline miraculous.

Chris is the best musician that I have ever been in a band with -- and that is saying something. He comes from the “prog” world, so he pushes how I think about songwriting all together. Derek and I have been making music together since we were teenagers, practicing in my neighbor’s leaky garage and trying to figure out how to get three guitar players going through one amp. He does a great job of keeping me in check. I tend to want to add some whacky time signature change or dumb chord progression into a song and he knows how to tell me that something is stupid, without making it a whole thing. The whole band is kind of tied together by Jason, for me. Derek and I used to go see him play shows at Ball State when we were young. Jason was the guy in the bands that everyone wanted to see and he was one of the first “rock stars” that I knew, so being able to jam with that guy has been something else.

There are many exciting things happening in the Void King camp, so let's take tackle this one thing at a time. Your fan base has been glued to our collective smart phones and computers following Void King on Facebook and Instagram, championing behind you as you roamed through Europe and left your mark. Please do tell us about your adventures overseas like the Off The Record festival, the challenge it was to schedule such a feat, and those who helped you along the way.

Yeah, I don’t even know if words can properly express just how great Europe was for and to us. It really gave us a different perspective on just about everything and I am sure I am going to miss some experiences here, but I will do my best. First, to say that I am thankful for the time overseas doesn’t even begin to cover it. So many people bought merch and gave us words of encouragement, which really means the world to all of us. It almost felt like we were representing our hometowns when we toured over there. Secondly, precisely none of that tour would have happened without Tjeerd and our label, Off The Record. We played a show on a Wednesday at the Melody Inn with our now label mates, Boudain, and that dude liked us enough to put out our record. I am forever grateful to that man and the risks he has taken on us. As for the shows and adventures over there, they were great.

Every single person that we dealt with was professional, incredibly kind and very encouraging. We were fed at all of our shows, offered a place to stay, and had enough beer to drown a small village. Every single show that we played had a great sound man, stage, and PA. Like, we did not play one bad venue. How many times will I get to play inside of a fortress built in the early 1800’s?

Finally, scheduling was tough, but I got so much help from so many good people that it ended up working out for us in the end. Bob Fouts kind of got the ball rolling for us when I told him that our original booking agent had fallen through, and he put me in touch with quite a few people. From there, I literally just went through Facebook, finding events and venues and seeing where other bands had played in certain cities, and hit those places up. While I got a lot of non-responses, the people that did get back to me were endlessly helpful. I really could not have booked this tour without the help from my new friends Sasha, Ben, Nienke, Maria, and others.

But to come full circle and to answer your question, Off The Record festival was out of this world. Our backline looked like a guitar center warehouse. The sound was arguably the best I had ever heard from the stage. The crowd was packed in there and incredibly receptive to our music. Really, all facets of the trip exceeded our collective expectations.

You've recently announced the release of a 7" split with your label mates Stone In Egypt. Did your time in Europe prompt this collaboration, and is this an indication that there could be more music from Void King to come soon?

That has kind of been in the works for a little whole. But the goal is to definitely write and record a new album in 2018, for sure.

I'd like to talk about your 2016 debut 'There Is Nothing' for a moment. A very sharp sounding piece, this was recorded by Carl Byers at Clandestine Arts. A local hero of sorts. He was also in the legendary blackened doom band Coffinworm. No doubt it was a huge advantage to have such a professional on your side. Surely he's a busy guy, was it difficult to get in contact with him and set it up?

First of all, Coffinworm is my favorite band to ever come out of Indiana. I just want to emphasize your mention there. If people haven’t heard that band, please go do so now. Anyway, Carl is a guy that Jason and I have known is some capacity or another since way back. He’s an old school Muncie guy, so we’ve always had some sort of a connection as it relates to music. Carl is a busy fella to be sure, but he has the right ear for the sound we want. He made us sound like us on the record, and not the “album version” of us. We’ve all heard a band on recording, and then seen them live only to say “Who the hell is this?” We didn’t want that at all.

There Is Nothing by Void King

'There Is Nothing' covers lots of ground with the unique lyrical content, especially about unexplained things like the supernatural. I am particularly attracted to the last two tracks, "Release The Hawks" and "That Was Not An Owl." Lots of us utilize animals as symbols in our personal life and this is transparent through music. You'll stumble across a lot of raven references if you dig into Steve Von Till's 2015 album, 'A Life Unto Itself,' just for example. Any chance we may hear any more songs featuring birds or nature?

Jason’s lyrics have evolved into something else. I don’t know how to say it better than that, but I think you will find more of an “expression of self” on this newest recording. There Is Nothing was more of a commentary on everything else. The new stuff seems to be more of an inward look.

I see 'There Is Nothing' is now in the Salt of the Earth Records Distro! Scott Harrington is quite the force in the underground scene, was it difficult to win him over?

Scott kind of reached out to us to get that relationship started, after we had submitted our music for a festival. He’s one of those guys that really is trying to grow bands and get the word out about music. You can’t have enough of those kinds of people in your corner.

I'm certain that the European tour isn't the end goal, so what is next for Void King?

Definitely. Europe was the first step of a long process. For us, we are going to play couple of more shows and then go into hiding to finish this new record. We want to record next year, and get that whole process moving. But we’re a live band, and we want to play a bunch of festivals in 2018 and 2019. We did a few long weekends this year, and the Europe tour and we want to expand on that. Ideally, we’d like to be on the road as much as we can make happen, and maybe play Indiana three or four times next year, at most.

Thanks so much for your time. Much love, I will see you guys soon!

Thanks again Melissa!

Follow The Band.

Get Their Music.

[moddersinc]

MSI Gaming X Geforce GTX 1660 TI Review

When Nvidia’s 10 series of graphics cards hit two years old, we all started to wonder when the next generation would finally be announced. When the Titan V launched, we had all expected the 11 series to follow shortly after that and be based on Nvidia’s Volta architecture. Then, the rumors started to circulate about the next generation being the 20 series. Many of us, myself included thought this was a joke and that they weren’t going to skip over 11-19. Then, that’s exactly what they did when Nvidia announce the all-new RTX 20 series of GPUs with the RTX 2070, 2080 and 2080 ti and more recently, the 2060. With the move to the RTX series with real-time Ray Tracing, many never expected to see the GTX label on a card again. We were recently thrown a curve ball with the announcement of the GTX 1660 ti. The GTX 1660 ti is still based on the same Turning architecture of the 20 series. However, it doesn’t have the benefit of real-time ray tracing, like the 20 series. Pleased just below the RTX 2060, the GTX 1660 TI is said to have performance that rivals that of the GTX 1070, which launched at a much higher price point. Over the last several generations, I’ve personally grown partial to MSI graphics cards. Their coolers are big, beefy and keep the cards cool, even under load. So, when they asked us to take a look at their all new Gaming X 1660 ti, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on it. If the 1660 ti performs as well as they claim, this card could redefine budget gaming. We put the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti through our suite of benchmarks to see how it stacks up to other cards at a similar price point. Specifications and Features MODEL NAME                                              GeForce® GTX 1660 Ti GAMING X 6G GRAPHICS PROCESSING UNIT                    NVIDIA® GeForce® GTX 1660 Ti INTERFACE                                                    PCI Express x16 3.0 CORES                                                            1536 Units CORE CLOCKS                                               Boost: 1875 MHz MEMORY SPEED                                           12 Gbps MEMORY                                                       6GB GDDR6 MEMORY BUS                                               192-bit OUTPUT                                                         DisplayPort x 3 (v1.4) / HDMI 2.0b x 1 HDCP SUPPORT                                            2.2 POWER CONSUMPTION                             130 Watts POWER CONNECTORS                                8-pin x 1 RECOMMENDED PSU                                  450 Watt CARD DIMENSION(MM)                             247 x 127 x 46 mm WEIGHT (CARD / PACKAGE)                       869 g / 1511 g AFTERBURNER OC                                       YES DIRECTX VERSION SUPPORT                      12 API OpenGL VERSION SUPPORT                      4.5 MAXIMUM DISPLAYS                                  4 VR READY                                                      YES G-SYNC™ TECHNOLOGY                             YES DIGITAL MAXIMUM RESOLUTION            7680 x 4320 Key Features Twin Frozr 7 Thermal Design TORX Fan 3.0 - Dispersion fan blade: Steep curved blade accelerating the airflow. - Traditional fan blade: Provides steady airflow to massive heat sink below. Mastery of Aerodynamics: The heatsink is optimized for efficient heat dissipation, keeping your temperatures low and performance high. Zero Frozr technology: Stopping the fan in low-load situations, keeping a noise-free environment. RGB Mystic Light Customize colors and LED effects with exclusive MSI software and synchronize the look & feel with other components. Dragon Center A consolidated platform that offers all the software functionality for your MSI Gaming product. Packaging

The front of the box has the MSI logo on the top left-hand corner. An image of the graphics card takes up the majority of the front of the box. Across the bottom, there are the Gaming X and Twin Frozr 7 branding to the left. To the right are the Geforce GTX logo and 1660 ti branding.

The back of the box has a breakdown of the Twin Frozr 7 thermal design. This includes the aerodynamics of the heatsink, as well as a picture showing how the Torx Fans 3.0 work. Below that, they mention a few of the features of Geforce Experience, as well as some of the key features of the Gaming X 1660 ti. The last thing of note are the minimum system requirements for the card. Now, let’s take a close look at the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti.

The card comes packed in soft foam and in an anti-static bag. Along with the card, there is a quick start guide, a driver disk and a couple of coasters. The Gaming X 1660 ti also came packed with a Luck The Dragon comic book and a thank you note from MSI for purchasing one of their graphics cards.

A Closer Look at the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti.

The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti is a PCIe x16, gen 3.0 card. The Gaming X 1660 ti has a boost clock speed of 1875 Mhz. The Gaming X 1660 ti has 6 GB of GDDR6 memory on a 192-bit bus and running at 12 Gbps. The MSI Gaming X GTX 1660 ti is an average sized card measuring 247 mm long, 127 mm tall and 47 mm thick, or about 9.75” x 5.75” x 1.85”. The Gaming X 1660 ti is sporting the Twin Frozr 7 cooler with Torx Fans 3.0 and Zero Frozr technology.  This is the seventh generation if the very popular Twin Frozr Cooler from MSI. MSI claims that with the Twin Frozr 7 cooler, they have “mastered the art of aerodynamics.” Airflow Control Technology forces the flow of air directly onto the heat pipes. At the same time, the heatsink of the Twin Frozr cooler provides a large surface area to help dissipate more heat from the heatsink. The heatsink is made up of three, 6mm copper heat pipes that run through a massive, tight aluminum fin array that make up the heatsink of the Twin Frozr 7 cooler. Like other MSI Gaming series cards, the Gaming X 1660 ti uses a large nickel-plated copper base plate to transfer heat from the GPU to the heat pipes. MSI uses only premium thermal compound on the GPUs that is designed to outlive their competition. They also use a die-cast metal sheet that acts as a heatsink for the memory modules. This die-cast sheet connects directly to the IO bracket. This provides additional protection from bending, along with the back plate. The Torx Fan 3.0 has two distinct types of fan blades. The first being the traditions type of blade designed to push air down steadily to the heatsink. The second is what MSI refers to as a dispersion fan blade. This style of fan blade is slightly curved. This curve allows the fan to accelerate airflow, increasing the effectiveness of the fan. One of the key features of the Twin Frozr cooler is its Zero Frozr technology. First implemented in 2008, the Zero Frozr technology allows your card to be silent when under 60°c. As long as the card is under this temperature, the fans will not spin. Once the card reaches above 60°c, the fans will start to spin. This keeps the card silent while the system is idle, or the card is under a light load. While benchmarking, or under a heavy gaming load, the fans spin up to keep the card cool. The MSI Gaming X 1660 TI has what one might call a traditional IO. Meaning one not designed with virtual reality in mind. The IO consists of a single HDMI 2.0 and three DisplayPort 1.4 ports. The Gaming X 1660 ti also has a brushed aluminum backplate that helps with the rigidity of the card. Both the shroud and the back plate wrap around the end of the card for additional protection of the heatsink. This card also sports a custom PCB with a 4+2 power phases and designed with high-end components. The Gaming X 1660 ti is powered by a single 8-pin power connector. Technically, this tier of card is powered by a single 6-pin. However, the combination of the custom PCB and 8-pin power connector should help with overclocking. Like with other graphics card reviews, we did a tear down of the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti. The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti is based on the Nvidia TU116 GPU. The TU116 GPU has 1536 Cuda Cores, 96 TMUs, 48 ROPS and a max TDP of 120 watts. The memory modules are covered by thermal pads to help dissipate the heat. MSI uses 6 GB Micron GDDR6 memory on their Gaming X 1660 ti, model number MT61K256M32 to be exact. Even the components are designed to look good with the MSI dragon logo on each Ferrite Choke. The Super Ferrite Chokes are labeled with SFC on them. Like on other cards they use their Hi-C capacitors. The Gaming X 1660 ti uses a 4 + 2 Phase PWM Controller. I did notice 2 empty spots for memory. So, maybe there will be an 8 GB variant of this card eventually? RGB Lighting and Software

Like most components in your system these days, the Gaming X 1660 ti has RGB lighting with customization options through the RGB Mystic Light app. There is RGB lighting on the side of the card, with the MSI Twin Frozr 7 logo is placed. There is also RGB lighting on the top and bottom of each of the Torx Fans. The Mystic Light app has a total of 19 different setting you can set your card to. These settings are listed below. Rainbow Flowing Magic Patrolling Rain Drop Lightning Marquee Meteor Stack Dance Rhythm Whirling Twisting Fade-In Crossing Steady Breathing Flashing Double Flashing One quick side note on the Mystic Light app. I’m not sure if this was an addition, or excluding to the Gaming X Trio 2080 ti. However, when I checked the Mystic Light app with the Gaming X Trio 2080 ti installed, there was a 20th setting for the lighting on the card. This being Laminating which was similar to the Patrolling effect. Dragon Center The MSI Dragon  Center is a desktop application with several functions. It has a function to monitor CPU temperature to the far left of the main screen. There is a Gaming Mode that will optimize your system, monitor, overclock, and Zero Frozr mode with one click.

The performance section has two different preset, and two profiles you can customize. The preset profiles are Silent and OC. These presets, as well as the custom profiles that set the performance of your system.

There is a hardware monitoring section that allows you to monitor several different aspects of your system. You can monitor the following: GPU Frequency GPU Memory Frequency GPU Usage GPU Temperature GPU Fan Speed (%) GPU Fan Speed (RPM) You can even monitor fan speed by both percentage and RPM per fan. The Eye Rest section allows you to customize different setting on your monitor. There are five presets in the Eye Rest Section. They are Default, EyeRest, Game, Movie and Customize. They each have different presets for Gama, Level, Brightness, and Contrast. Each of these can be adjusted for the Reds, Greens, and Blues on the monitor.

The Dragon Center also has a LAN Manager that allows you to set the priority of your internet usage for different applications such as media streaming, file sharing, web browsing or gaming. The Lan Manager has a chart that tells you what applications use the most bandwidth on your system. For me, its Chrome. It even has its own Network Test. The Dragon Center is also where you can enable and disable Zero Frozr Mode. Test System and Testing Procedures

Test System Intel Core I7 8700k @ stock settings (3.7 GHz Base) Z390 Aorus Pro MSI Gaming X 1660 ti 32 GB of G. Skill Trident Z DDR4 3200 Cas 16 (XMP Profile #1) Intel 512 GB SSD 6 NVMe M.2 SSD (OS) 1 TB Crucial P1 NVMe M.2 SSD (Games and Utilities) Swiftech H320 X2 Prestige 360 mm AIO Cooler 1600 Watt EVGA Super Nova P2 80+ Platinum Power Supply Primochill Praxis Wet Bench Games Battlefield V Deus Ex: Mankind Divided FarCry 5 Final Fantasy XV Ghost Recon: Wildlands Shadow of The Tomb Raider Shadow of War Witcher 3 Synthetic Benchmarks 3DMARK Firestrike Ultra 3DMARK Time Spy Extreme Unigine Superposition VRMark – Orange Room VRMark – Cyan Room VRMark – Blue Room Utilities GPUZ Hardware Monitor MSI Afterburner MSI Dragon Center Mystic Light FurMark All testing was done with both the CPU (8700k) and GPU at their stock settings. For the I7 8700k, it was left at its stock speed of 3.7 GHz. However, this particular chip usually boosts between 4.4 and 4.5 GHz. The one exception was when we tested the overclocking capabilities of the Zotac 2060 AMP. Although ambient temperature does vary. We do our best to keep the ambient temperature around 20°c or 70°f. Each game we tested was run three time each, and the three results were averaged out. Each benchmark was run for 180 seconds, or 3 minutes. For synthetic benchmarks, each was run three time as well. However, instead of averaging out these results, we picked the best overall result. The charts in the gaming section show a comparison between the MSI Gaming X GTX 1660 ti and the Zotac RTX 2060 AMP. All games were tested at their highest presets except for one. The one exception was Battlefield V was tested on the games High Preset on the Gaming X 1660 ti and the Zotac 2060 Amp. This was due to the game running below 30 FPS on one of the test runs. For all testing, I use the highest preset that allows the game to give a result over 30 FPS or what we would consider playable. Synthetic Benchmarks 3DMARK 3DMARK is the go-to benchmark for all enthusiasts. It covers tests for everything from tablets and notebooks to gaming laptops and the most powerful gaming machines. For this review, we tested both the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti and the Zotac RTX 2060 AMP on both the DX11 4k benchmark, Firestrike Ultra and the DX12 4k benchmark, Time Spy Extreme. In both 3DMARK Time Spy Extreme and Firestrike Ultra, the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti landed just behind the RTX 2060 AMP. On Firestrike Ultra, the Gaming X 1660 ti had an overall score of 3368 and a graphics score of 3180. In Time Spy Extreme, the Gaming X 1660 ti achieved an overall score of 2878 and a graphics score of 2801. VR MARK VR Mark consists of three separate tests, each more intensive on your system than the last. These tests are The Orange Room, the Cyan Room, and the Blue Room. The Orange Room test is the least intense and is meant to test a system that meets the minimum hardware requirements for VR Gaming. The Cyan Room shows the user how the use of an API with less overhead can provide the user with a great VR experience, even on less than amazing hardware. The Blue Room test is designed for the latest and greatest hardware. The Blue Room renders at a whopping 5k resolution and is designed to really push your system to the limits for an amazing VR experience. In all three tests, the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti fell just short of the 2060 AMP. But, this was to be expected as its a lower tier card.  In the Orange Room benchmark, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti achieved a score of 9614. The Cyan Room test was closer, but The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti s scored 6348 and in the Blue room, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti scored 1985. Superposition Superposition is another GPU intensive benchmark put out by Unigine, the makers of both the very popular Valley and Heaven benchmarks. Superposition is an extreme performance and stability test for graphics cards, power supplies, and cooling systems. We tested the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti in two resolutions in Superposition.  4k optimized and 8k optimized. In the 4k optimized test, the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti score 5046. Last was the 8k optimized test where the  MSI Gaming X 1660 ti scored 2056. Gaming Benchmarks Battlefield V Battlefield V is a first-person shooter EA DICE and published by Electronic Arts. Battlefield V is the latest games in the Battlefield series. Battlefield V takes place during World War 2. It has both a single player and an online portion. For this review, we tested part of Battlefield V single player, War Stories. The section that was tested was the second act of the Nordlys War Story. You play a young woman who is part of the Norwegian resistance whose mission it is to save her mother and help destroy a key component the Germans need to complete their atomic bomb. Battle Fiend 5 was one of the first games to support the new Ray Tracing feature from Nvidia. This game was tested with both DXR on and DXR off. The charts show a comparison between the GTX 1070 TI FTW 2 at its ultra-preset and the Zotac RTX 2060 AMP at the games high preset. The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti did very well in Battlefield V, even in 4k. Keep in mind, Battlefield V was tested on the games High Preset, not ultra. In 1080p, Battlefield V averaged 96 FPS. Even in 1440p, the game stayed above 60 FPS with an average of 63. I was pretty surprised that the game averaged 29 FPS in 4k. If it hadn't been for the dips into the mid-teens, I may have considered it payable at 4k. Deus Ex: Mankind Divided Deus Ex: Mankind Divided is an action role-playing game with first-person shooter and stealth mechanics that released in 2016. Set two years after Human Revolution in 2029, the world is divided between normal humans and those with advanced, controversial artificial organs called augmentations. You take up the role of Adam Jensen, a double agent for the hacker group Juggernaut Collective, who is equipped with the latest and most advanced augmentation technology. This game is beautiful and still very demanding on your system. The section benchmarked was near the beginning of the game, after the tutorial. In Deus Ex: Mankind Divided, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti did very well in 1080p averaging 82 fps. In 1440p, it fell short of 60 with an average of 49 fps. Under 60, but still very playable. If the settings had been lowered to medium or even high, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti could handle 1440p in this game. Although the game did average 32 fps in 4k, I still wouldn't consider it playable. The lows were too often Far Cry 5 Far Cry 5 is the latest is the far cry series. It takes place in the fictional Hope County Montana. You play the role of the un-names deputy who’s sent to arrest Joseph Seed, the leader of the dangerous Edens Gate Cult. However, things do not go as planned and you spend the game trapped in Hope County attempting to take out Joseph and the rest of his family as they attempt to take over the entire county. Far Cry 5 was released in 2018. Ubisoft has developed a beautiful open world with amazing visuals. However, the game is very demanding on even the most powerful systems. This game was tested with the in-game benchmark, as well as near the beginning of the game when you first leave the bunker owned by Dutch as you attempt to clear his island of cult members. The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti did very well in Far Cry 5. It averaged 90 FPS in 1080p on max settings and ever stayed over 60 in 1440p with an average of 64. Even in 4k, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti averaged 30 FPS and with a minimum of 25, I would consider the game playable. Especially if you lowered the settings to medium or high. Final Fantasy XV Fans of the Final Fantasy series waited well over a decade for this game to release. Final Fantasy XV is an open-world action role-playing game. You play as the main protagonist Noctis Lucis Caelum during his journey across the world of Eos. Final Fantasy XV was developed and published by Square Enix as part of the long-running Final Fantasy series that first started on the original NES back in the late 1980s. The section that was benchmarked was the first section near the start of the game, where there was actual combat. In Final Fantasy XV, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti was very close in both 1080p and 1440p. The game averaged 58 FPS in 1080p and 52 in 1440p. I wouldn't consider playing this game in 4k with The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti since it only averaged 28 FPS with lows into the teens. I'd say Final Fantasy XV is a solid 1080p  game, even with the settings lowered a bit. Gaming Benchmarks Continued Ghost Recon: Wildlands Tom Clancy's Ghost Recon Wildlands is a third-person tactical shooter game. You play as a member of the Delta Company, First Battalion, 5th Special Forces Group, also known as "Ghosts", a fictional elite special operations unit of the United States Army under the Joint Special Operations Command. This game takes place in a modern-day setting and is the first in the Ghost Recon series to feature an open world with 9 different types of terrain. The benchmark was run at the beginning of the first mission in the game. Ghost Recon Wildlands performed well on all resolutions with The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti. In 1080p, it averaged 80 FPS on the games highest preset. In 1440p, it averaged 59 FPS. However, it was still a nice smooth experience. Even in 4k, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti stayed above 30 with an average of 35 fps and a minimum of 27. Still playable. Shadow of the Tomb Raider Shadow of the Tomb Raider is set to be the third and final game of the rebooted trilogy developed by Eidos Montréal in conjunction with Crystal Dynamics and published by Square Enix. In Shadow of the Tomb Raider, you continue your journey as Lara Croft as she attempts to finish the life work of her father. Her in a journey that takes her from Central America to the hidden city of Paititi as she attempts to stop Trinity in their attempt to gain power. Section benchmarked was near the beginning of the first section that takes place in the hidden city. This was compared to the in-game benchmark which seems to be an accurate representation of the gameplay. In Shadow of the Tomb Raider, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti is showing itself, again, to be a great 1080p gaming card with an average of 88 fps on the game's ultra preset. In 1440p, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti averaged a respectable 55 fps in the latest Tomb Raider installment. In 4k, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti only averaged 27 fps and had a low of 21. Shadow of War Shadow of War is an action role-playing video game developed by Monolith Productions and published by Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment. It is the sequel to the very successful Shadow of Mordor that released in 2014 and is based on J. R. R. Tolkien's legendarium. The games are set between the events of The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings in Tolkien's fictional Middle Earth. You play again as Talion, a Ranger of Gondor that was brought back to life with unique abilities after being killed with his entire family as the start of the last game. Monolith Studios has created a beautiful open world with amazing gameplay and visuals. The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti did well on Shadow of War in both 1080p and 1440p. In 1080p, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti averaged 78 fps and in 1440p, it averaged 54 fps. Even in 4k, The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti averaged above the playable lever with an average of 32 fps. The Witcher 3 The Witcher 3 is an action role-playing game developed and published by CD Projekt. Based on The Witcher series of fantasy novels by Polish author Andrzej Sapkowski. This is the third game in the Witcher Series to date and the best so far. You play as Geralt of Rivia on his quest to save his adopted daughter from the Wild Hunt. At its release in 2015, The Witcher 3 has some of the most beautiful graphics ever seen in a game, as well as some of the most demanding. Even today, almost 4 years later, the Witcher 3 still holds up very well and brings even the most powerful systems to their knees. The game was benchmarked during the hunt for and battle with the Griffin near the start of the main story. I was most surprised with the performance of The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti in the Witcher 3. This is a very demanding game and when the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti only averaged 63 fps in 1080p. I had expected much lower than an average of 53 fps in 1440p. The one that got me was the average of 31fps in 4k on the game's ultra preset. I had expected that to be lower. Overclocking, Noise, and Temperatures

  For overclocking, we used MSI Afterburner. Like Firestorm from Zotac used in the 2060 AMP review, MSI Afterburner has an OC Scanner feature. However, unlike Firestorm, I was able to get the OC Scanner in MSI Afterburner working. To validate the overclock, we used the GPU Stress Test in FurMark. Being a non-reference card, The Gaming X 1660 ti is already a factory overclocked card with a boost clock of 1875 MHz out of the box. Afterburner has the base clock speed as 1215 MHz. MSI Afterburners OC Scanner was able to get the base clock to 1335 MHz and it boosted to 2040 MHz. With manual overclocking, I increased that to +125 on the core with the card boosting to 2070 MHz. The 2070 MHz was the best boost clock speed the Gaming X 1660 ti achieved.  As for the memory, I was nearly able to max out the slider in MSI Afterburner with the Gaming X 1660 ti. I added an additional +1200 on to the memory. Anything past that and the benchmark would crash. During the gaming benchmarks, the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti maxed out 61°c. However, even while running FurMark to validate the GPU overclock, the card never saw 70°c, maxing out at 69°c.   For noise testing, I used the Sound Meter Android app by ABC Apps found in the Google Play app store. Noise testing wasn’t done with an actual decibel meter. It may not be the best solution, but it works either way. The app gives you a min, max, and average for the noise level in decibels. The noise levels were tested with the fans at 25%, 50%, and 100%.  At 100%, the max decibel level was 51.3 and the average was 46.6/ At 50%, the max was 38.1 and the average was 32.5. Finally, at 25%, the max decibel level was 36.5 and the average was 30.9.

  Final Thoughts and Conclusion

The MSI Gaming X GTX 1660 ti offered a far better gaming experience than I had expected when I first heard of its release. I had originally expected it to perform slightly above the GTX 1050 ti. But, I was wrong. The Gaming X 1660 ti performed just below the RTX 2060 AMP we recently reviewed. This puts the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti on par with the GTX 1070. However, the Gaming X 1660 ti launched at a lower price of 1070. The card design is, like other Gaming X cards from MSI, beautiful. I love the use of Neutral colors. The gray and black color scheme will allow the card to fit well into most builds and the brushed aluminum backplate looks great. Its good to see most companies doing this now. Although I'm not a fan of RGB lighting, the Gaming X 1660 ti doe RGB right. The RGB lighting on the Gaming X 1660 ti is subtle and not overdone. With the Mystic Light app, you can customize it however you want.  You can even disable the lighting altogether. The MSI Gaming X 1660 ti has proven to be a beast of a 1080p gaming card. All eight games we tested averaged over 60 FPS, some even into the 80s and above. A couple of the game including Far Cry 5 and Battlefield V even averaged over 60 FPS in 1440p. Far Cry 5 was even on the games Ultra Preset. So, by lowering the details on many modern titles, the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti could easily handle many modern games in 1440p. Some games were playable in 4k, such as The Witcher 3 which averaged 31 FPS in 4k. However, the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti is not a 4k gaming card, nor was it intended to be. If you're looking to build a system on a tight budget, the MSI Gaming X GTX 1660 ti is a great card to consider. At the time of this review, we found the MSI Gaming X 1660 ti on Amazon for about $360. However, that's a fair amount over the $309.99 msrpMSRP has set on this card. So, look around and you can find it for a better price I'm sure.     amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "dewaynecarel-20"; amzn_assoc_ad_mode = "manual"; amzn_assoc_ad_type = "smart"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_design = "enhanced_links"; amzn_assoc_asins = "B07N825Y1L"; amzn_assoc_placement = "adunit"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "c560a2637b6c8b5e007383ecbc4f63c1"; Read the full article

[stuffminusthings]

Woah there, sport.

Maybe, just maybe, you're getting a little excited.

I have to admit it's a little bit nerdy to wax poetic about learning how to snowboard, especially after age 15. The feeling of freedom. Man, I've been making fun of that since at least 21. Having beginner experiences is just so out of my character.

Was out of my character.

The most amusing part about chronicling myself, is that it gives me a chance to see myself from the perspective of anybody reading these words. I get to re-absorb what's been expunged.

After a good 2+ year hiatus from chairlifts, I got to ride them as a total beginner not only from lack of practice, but on a board instead of skis as well.  I got to consciously re-experience the thrill of speed and snow since the car accident that damaged my brain. I'd had just enough experiences since that car accident that I'd become sure of myself.

Big faux pax. No Gavin, you are not alone on some strange new frontier on your snowboard. It might feel that way, and that's ok, but it's just in your head. In. YOUR. Head.

And in your life, Gavin, you've only been in this head for a couple of years.

The childlike overreactions to experiences have dulled down at this point. So much, I even forget they happen. Which is why writing is cool because then I get to interpret it.

Reading about it gives me a chance to reflect on my reflections.

It's a practice I've been practicing since the accident.

It's a strange thing to keep talking about over and over again, but, unfortunately it's one of those things I just can't undo. It happened, and without referencing it, at least to myself, it's easy to get carried away.

Oh, but the redundancy!

I used to get incredibly aggravated that the only topics at church seemed to center on Jesus.

“But what about foot ball?” Child Me asked with a smirk.

Now, all these decades later I understand that, in the scope of things the promise of our eternal salvation might be more exciting than football, but I hadn't lived enough yet. And despite how many people thought they knew just when enough was, football was the only thing in that period of time I completely got over. The idea of eternal salvation, whether or not it is true, makes the NFL possible, look at how comfy and drunk we all get on Sundays instead of going to church. They tell you why that's ok at church.

In Christianity, there is a defined starting point to the ideology, Jesus. Without his presence the entire practice is just text used by bullies to maintain order. There were other orders in place before.

Like getting married, or having a child, or getting retired, I've just entered a different order. I'm sure married sex feels different. I got to experience sex for the first time all over again, only this time I knew my perspective wouldn't change nearly as much as it did the actual first time.

(I did however set the reset button with condoms, so going without is yet to be discovered all over again. I can save so many cool things more my later years.)

It's less embarrassing to talk about snowboarding.

And so at the expense of seeming like an asshole and a maniac I have to move forward with the perspective of somebody who has suffered rom a TBI. It means I get wildly excited, but it also means that when the dust settles, if I take a look at what actually happened, I begin to see the folly of it.

In fact, the only thing I learned from football, and I'm forever thankful for it, is that Cannabis is an effective treatment for the negative effects of some TBI's.

And now that I've dropped the C word, I feel at ease talking about the other set of letters.

I've always been incredibly determined to never be able to be defined by any conventional system. I quit acknowledging awards of any sort in high school. I didn't think the grades I got in high school meant anything, so I quit worrying about them.

Grades are an attempt at making a moment in time history that forecasts the future, but in a world where extra credit and real work have the same outcome, it's clear there are many paths to a point, some of them more intentional than others. So when my car crashed labeled me TBI and I spent the next few days insisting we were in a cave hide out on Mackinac Island, MI under attack from armed forces, my local acquaintances quickly evaporated—they'd seen those letters before.

My good friends, the ones I'd managed to string together over nearly twenty moves in under a decade, got the unfiltered version of me they'd always loved as I got better. The one with a mischief filled grin as I set off towards yet another intangible goal. The goals almost never happened, but when they did they'd yield spectacular results.

And I, being human, often had no idea how to handle those intangible results.

I mean, until junior high, my only experiences with action/extreme sorts was breaking my pinky on rollerblades I borrowed from my cousin. They had grind plates for sliding down handrails, but that didn't do a damn thing about rocks on the sidewalk.

I've come a long way, so far in fact, that learning how to snowboard down mellow runs and feeling completely transformed seems just a little too spiritual.

As a chronic kidder of all things spiritual, I myself have to start examining my letters.

Is it possible, Gavin, that you're over-reacting to a relatively normal phenomenon?

Letters. Redundancy.

One of the side effects of that accident, is that all of your memories are in tact, but scattered. To really understand going fast, I actually had to go fast to remind myself what it actually feels like. The first feeling of speed is usually reserved for 6 year olds, but lucky for me I got to do it all over again.

It's hard to make speed redundant.

And so, on my snowboard I finally got an experience similar to something my brain held as holy, but was for a couple of years intangible.

But it's been a couple of years, so my processing speed is finally down to a few weeks. In that couple of years I've re-discovered a lot of things that at first seemed very tangible, then became completely out of reach. But if I dig deep enough, intangible is the only thing I've ever aspired for.

Well, that's not right.

There have been other life-altering events in my life. The time I moved from Michigan to Arizona. The time I tested into language, but not math advanced placement. The time I got put in advanced placement the following year anyways. The time we moved back to Michigan. The second time I moved back to Montana, but only in a van for the winter.

I can't even mention skiing in that list, because, skiing was always the last part of skiing. Those fleeting moments of speed always came at the end of a long day the night before with work due yesterday, and no sleep tonight.

And yet, here I am again, in the dead of winter waking up before four every morning as my bowels are still tied in knots from all of the internal bleeding that occurred as a result of my pelvis being crushed, bones broken, and organs lacerated. I make 3-5 trips to the bathroom before anyone else wakes up every morning. Then it's off to the bathroom again for a couple of hours and then I tackle every day just as fearlessly as before.

Recently I've started work on my Fascia in Physical Therapy. The twisting and stretching of this system, as well as the nerves running through it have began to open up not only my bowels, but my centers of balance. Every day I find coordination I didn't know was possible mostly because my insides have been misaligned.

But should I feel bad about the good feelings I was feeling?

Were they as real as I thought they were?

As real as JNCO Jeans made anybody feel. As nerve-wracking as the summer of eating chocolate dipped crickets for free ice cream at Cold Stone Creamery.

This too shall pass, summer comes every year.

Woah there, sport.

Redundant.