#i only bought 3 of them but I might go back when I get paid and get a couple of the other ones

[leejeann]

A store in my town had these things of Bernet blanket yarn

for $5 instead of the $12.99 they usually are and they had several different color combos (all of them were three colors) so now I have so many more colors of blanket yarn for making plushies :D

[exeggcute]

the great reddit API meltdown of '23, or: this was always bound to happen

there's a lot of press about what's going on with reddit right now (app shutdowns, subreddit blackouts, the CEO continually putting his foot in his mouth), but I haven't seen as much stuff talking about how reddit got into this situation to begin with. so as a certified non-expert and Context Enjoyer I thought it might be helpful to lay things out as I understand them—a high-level view, surveying the whole landscape—in the wonderful world of startups, IPOs, and extremely angry users.

disclaimer that I am not a founder or VC (lmao), have yet to work at a company with a successful IPO, and am not a reddit employee or third-party reddit developer or even a subreddit moderator. I do work at a startup, know my way around an API or two, and have spent twelve regrettable years on reddit itself. which is to say that I make no promises of infallibility, but I hope you'll at least find all this interesting.

profit now or profit later

before you can really get into reddit as reddit, it helps to know a bit about startups (of which reddit is one). and before I launch into that, let me share my Three Types Of Websites framework, which is basically just a mental model about financial incentives that's helped me contextualize some of this stuff.

(1) website/software that does not exist to make money: relatively rare, for a variety of reasons, among them that it costs money to build and maintain a website in the first place. wikipedia is the evergreen example, although even wikipedia's been subject to criticism for how the wikimedia foundation pays out its employees and all that fun nonprofit stuff. what's important here is that even when making money is not the goal, money itself is still a factor, whether it's solicited via donations or it's just one guy paying out of pocket to host a hobby site. but websites in this category do, generally, offer free, no-strings-attached experiences to their users.

(I do want push back against the retrospective nostalgia of "everything on the internet used to be this way" because I don't think that was ever really true—look at AOL, the dotcom boom, the rise of banner ads. I distinctly remember that neopets had multiple corporate sponsors, including a cookie crisp-themed flash game. yahoo bought geocities for $3.6 billion; money's always been trading hands, obvious or not. it's indisputable that the internet is simply different now than it was ten or twenty years ago, and that monetization models themselves have largely changed as well (I have thoughts about this as it relates to web 1.0 vs web 2.0 and their associated costs/scale/etc.), but I think the only time people weren't trying to squeeze the internet for all the dimes it can offer was when the internet was first conceived as a tool for national defense.)

(2) website/software that exists to make money now: the type that requires the least explanation. mostly non-startup apps and services, including any random ecommerce storefront, mobile apps that cost three bucks to download, an MMO with a recurring subscription, or even a news website that runs banner ads and/or offers paid subscriptions. in most (but not all) cases, the "make money now" part is obvious, so these things don't feel free to us as users, even to the extent that they might have watered-down free versions or limited access free trials. no one's shocked when WoW offers another paid expansion packs because WoW's been around for two decades and has explicitly been trying to make money that whole time.

(3) website/software that exists to make money later: this is the fun one, and more common than you'd think. "make money later" is more or less the entire startup business model—I'll get into that in the next section—and is deployed with the expectation that you will make money at some point, but not always by means as obvious as "selling WoW expansions for forty bucks a pop."

companies in this category tend to have two closely entwined characteristics: they prioritize growth above all else, regardless of whether this growth is profitable in any way (now, or sometimes, ever), and they do this by offering users really cool and awesome shit at little to no cost (or, if not for free, then at least at a significant loss to the company).

so from a user perspective, these things either seem free or far cheaper than their competitors. but of course websites and software and apps and [blank]-as-a-service tools cost money to build and maintain, and that money has to come from somewhere, and the people supplying that money, generally, expect to get it back...

just not immediately.

startups, VCs, IPOs, and you

here's the extremely condensed "did NOT go to harvard business school" version of how a startup works:

(1) you have a cool idea.

(2) you convince some venture capitalists (also known as VCs) that your idea is cool. if they see the potential in what you're pitching, they'll give you money in exchange for partial ownership of your company—which means that if/when the company starts trading its stock publicly, these investors will own X numbers of shares that they can sell at any time. in other words, you get free money now (and you'll likely seek multiple "rounds" of investors over the years to sustain your company), but with the explicit expectations that these investors will get their payoff later, assuming you don't crash and burn before that happens.

during this phase, you want to do anything in your power to make your company appealing to investors so you can attract more of them and raise funds as needed. because you are definitely not bringing in the necessary revenue to offset operating costs by yourself.

it's also worth nothing that this is less about projecting the long-term profitability of your company than it's about its perceived profitability—i.e., VCs want to put their money behind a company that other people will also have confidence in, because that's what makes stock valuable, and VCs are in it for stock prices.

(3) there are two non-exclusive win conditions for your startup: you can get acquired, and you can have an IPO (also referred to as "going public"). these are often called "exit scenarios" and they benefit VCs and founders, as well as some employees. it's also possible for a company to get acquired, possibly even more than once, and then later go public.

acquisition: sell the whole damn thing to someone else. there are a million ways this can happen, some better than others, but in many cases this means anyone with ownership of the company (which includes both investors and employees who hold stock options) get their stock bought out by the acquiring company and end up with cash in hand. in varying amounts, of course. sometimes the founders walk away, sometimes the employees get laid off, but not always.

IPO: short for "initial public offering," this is when the company starts trading its stocks publicly, which means anyone who wants to can start buying that company's stock, which really means that VCs (and employees with stock options) can turn that hypothetical money into real money by selling their company stock to interested buyers.

drawing from that, companies don't go for an IPO until they think their stock will actually be worth something (or else what's the point?)—specifically, worth more than the amount of money that investors poured into it. The Powers That Be will speculate about a company's IPO potential way ahead of time, which is where you'll hear stuff about companies who have an estimated IPO evaluation of (to pull a completely random example) $10B. actually I lied, that was not a random example, that was reddit's valuation back in 2021 lol. but a valuation is basically just "how much will people be interested in our stock?"

as such, in the time leading up to an IPO, it's really really important to do everything you can to make your company seem like a good investment (which is how you get stock prices up), usually by making the company's numbers look good. but! if you plan on cashing out, the long-term effects of your decisions aren't top of mind here. remember, the industry lingo is "exit scenario."

if all of this seems like a good short-term strategy for companies and their VCs, but an unsustainable model for anyone who's buying those stocks during the IPO, that's because it often is.

also worth noting that it's possible for a company to be technically unprofitable as a business (meaning their costs outstrip their revenue) and still trade enormously well on the stock market; uber is the perennial example of this. to the people who make money solely off of buying and selling stock, it literally does not matter that the actual rideshare model isn't netting any income—people think the stock is valuable, so it's valuable.

this is also why, for example, elon musk is richer than god: if he were only the CEO of tesla, the money he'd make from selling mediocre cars would be (comparatively, lol) minimal. but he's also one of tesla's angel investors, which means he holds a shitload of tesla stock, and tesla's stock has performed well since their IPO a decade ago (despite recent dips)—even if tesla itself has never been a huge moneymaker, public faith in the company's eventual success has kept them trading at high levels. granted, this also means most of musk's wealth is hypothetical and not liquid; if TSLA dropped to nothing, so would the value of all the stock he holds (and his net work with it).

what's an API, anyway?

to move in an entirely different direction: we can't get into reddit's API debacle without understanding what an API itself is.

an API (short for "application programming interface," not that it really matters) is a series of code instructions that independent developers can use to plug their shit into someone else's shit. like a series of tin cans on strings between two kids' treehouses, but for sending and receiving data.

APIs work by yoinking data directly from a company's servers instead of displaying anything visually to users. so I could use reddit's API to build my own app that takes the day's top r/AITA post and transcribes it into pig latin: my app is a bunch of lines of code, and some of those lines of code fetch data from reddit (and then transcribe that data into pig latin), and then my app displays the content to anyone who wants to see it, not reddit itself. as far as reddit is concerned, no additional human beings laid eyeballs on that r/AITA post, and reddit never had a chance to serve ads alongside the pig-latinized content in my app. (put a pin in this part—it'll be relevant later.)

but at its core, an API is really a type of protocol, which encompasses a broad category of formats and business models and so on. some APIs are completely free to use, like how anyone can build a discord bot (but you still have to host it yourself). some companies offer free APIs to third-party developers can build their own plugins, and then the company and the third-party dev split the profit on those plugins. some APIs have a free tier for hobbyists and a paid tier for big professional projects (like every weather API ever, lol). some APIs are strictly paid services because the API itself is the company's core offering.

reddit's financial foundations

okay thanks for sticking with me. I promise we're almost ready to be almost ready to talk about the current backlash.

reddit has always been a startup's startup from day one: its founders created the site after attending a startup incubator (which is basically a summer camp run by VCs) with the successful goal of creating a financially successful site. backed by that delicious y combinator money, reddit got acquired by conde nast only a year or two after its creation, which netted its founders a couple million each. this was back in like, 2006 by the way. in the time since that acquisition, reddit's gone through a bunch of additional funding rounds, including from big-name investors like a16z, peter thiel (yes, that guy), sam altman (yes, also that guy), sequoia, fidelity, and tencent. crunchbase says that they've raised a total of $1.3B in investor backing.

in all this time, reddit has never been a public company, or, strictly speaking, profitable.

APIs and third-party apps

reddit has offered free API access for basically as long as it's had a public API—remember, as a "make money later" company, their primary goal is growth, which means attracting as many users as possible to the platform. so letting anyone build an app or widget is (or really, was) in line with that goal.

as such, third-party reddit apps have been around forever. by third-party apps, I mean apps that use the reddit API to display actual reddit content in an unofficial wrapper. iirc reddit didn't even have an official mobile app until semi-recently, so many of these third-party mobile apps in particular just sprung up to meet an unmet need, and they've kept a small but dedicated userbase ever since. some people also prefer the user experience of the unofficial apps, especially since they offer extra settings to customize what you're seeing and few to no ads (and any ads these apps do display are to the benefit of the third-party developers, not reddit itself.)

(let me add this preemptively: one solution I've seen proposed to the paid API backlash is that reddit should have third-party developers display reddit's ads in those third-party apps, but this isn't really possible or advisable due to boring adtech reasons I won't inflict on you here. source: just trust me bro)

in addition to mobile apps, there are also third-party tools that don’t replace the Official Reddit Viewing Experience but do offer auxiliary features like being able to mass-delete your post history, tools that make the site more accessible to people who use screen readers, and tools that help moderators of subreddits moderate more easily. not to mention a small army of reddit bots like u/AutoWikibot or u/RemindMebot (and then the bots that tally the number of people who reply to bot comments with “good bot” or “bad bot).

the number of people who use third-party apps is relatively small, but they arguably comprise some of reddit’s most dedicated users, which means that third-party apps are important to the people who keep reddit running and the people who supply reddit with high-quality content.

unpaid moderators and user-generated content

so reddit is sort of two things: reddit is a platform, but it’s also a community.

the platform is all the unsexy (or, if you like python, sexy) stuff under the hood that actually makes the damn thing work. this is what the company spends money building and maintaining and "owns." the community is all the stuff that happens on the platform: posts, people, petty squabbles. so the platform is where the content lives, but ultimately the content is the reason people use reddit—no one’s like “yeah, I spend time on here because the backend framework really impressed me."

and all of this content is supplied by users, which is not unique among social media platforms, but the content is also managed by users, which is. paid employees do not govern subreddits; unpaid volunteers do. and moderation is the only thing that keeps reddit even remotely tolerable—without someone to remove spam, ban annoying users, and (god willing) enforce rules against abuse and hate speech, a subreddit loses its appeal and therefore its users. not dissimilar to the situation we’re seeing play out at twitter, except at twitter it was the loss of paid moderators;  reddit is arguably in a more precarious position because they could lose this unpaid labor at any moment, and as an already-unprofitable company they absolutely cannot afford to implement paid labor as a substitute.

oh yeah? spell "IPO" backwards

so here we are, June 2023, and reddit is licking its lips in anticipation of a long-fabled IPO. which means it’s time to start fluffing themselves up for investors by cutting costs (yay, layoffs!) and seeking new avenues of profit, however small.

this brings us to the current controversy: reddit announced a new API pricing plan that more or less prevents anyone from using it for free.

from reddit's perspective, the ostensible benefits of charging for API access are twofold: first, there's direct profit to be made off of the developers who (may or may not) pay several thousand dollars a month to use it, and second, cutting off unsanctioned third-party mobile apps (possibly) funnels those apps' users back into the official reddit mobile app. and since users on third-party apps reap the benefit of reddit's site architecture (and hosting, and development, and all the other expenses the site itself incurs) without “earning” money for reddit by generating ad impressions, there’s a financial incentive at work here: even if only a small percentage of people use third-party apps, getting them to use the official app instead translates to increased ad revenue, however marginal.

(also worth mentioning that chatGPT and other LLMs were trained via tools that used reddit's API to scrape post and content data, and now that openAI is reaping the profits of that training without giving reddit any kickbacks, reddit probably wants to prevent repeats of this from happening in the future. if you want to train the next LLM, it's gonna cost you.)

of course, these changes only benefit reddit if they actually increase the company’s revenue and perceived value/growth—which is hard to do when your users (who are also the people who supply the content for other users to engage with, who are also the people who moderate your communities and make them fun to participate in) get really fucking pissed and threaten to walk.

pricing shenanigans

under the new API pricing plan, third-party developers are suddenly facing steep costs to maintain the apps and tools they’ve built.

most paid APIs are priced by volume: basically, the more data you send and receive, the more money it costs. so if your third-party app has a lot of users, you’ll have to make more API requests to fetch content for those users, and your app becomes more expensive to maintain. (this isn’t an issue if the tool you’re building also turns a profit, but most third-party reddit apps make little, if any, money.)

which is why, even though third-party apps capture a relatively small portion of reddit’s users, the developer of a popular third-party app called apollo recently learned that it would cost them about $20 million a year to keep the app running. and apollo actually offers some paid features (for extra in-app features independent of what reddit offers), but nowhere near enough to break even on those API costs.

so apollo, any many apps like it, were suddenly unable to keep their doors open under the new API pricing model and announced that they'd be forced to shut down.

backlash, blackout

plenty has been said already about the current subreddit blackouts—in like, official news outlets and everything—so this might be the least interesting section of my whole post lol. the short version is that enough redditors got pissed enough that they collectively decided to take subreddits “offline” in protest, either by making them read-only or making them completely inaccessible. their goal was to send a message, and that message was "if you piss us off and we bail, here's what reddit's gonna be like: a ghost town."

but, you may ask, if third-party apps only captured a small number of users in the first place, how was the backlash strong enough to result in a near-sitewide blackout? well, two reasons:

first and foremost, since moderators in particular are fond of third-party tools, and since moderators wield outsized power (as both the people who keep your site more or less civil, and as the people who can take a subreddit offline if they feel like it), it’s in your best interests to keep them happy. especially since they don’t get paid to do this job in the first place, won’t keep doing it if it gets too hard, and essentially have nothing to lose by stepping down.

then, to a lesser extent, the non-moderator users on third-party apps tend to be Power Users who’ve been on reddit since its inception, and as such likely supply a disproportionate amount of the high-quality content for other users to see (and for ads to be served alongside). if you drive away those users, you’re effectively kneecapping your overall site traffic (which is bad for Growth) and reducing the number/value of any ad impressions you can serve (which is bad for revenue).

also a secret third reason, which is that even people who use the official apps have no stake in a potential IPO, can smell the general unfairness of this whole situation, and would enjoy the schadenfreude of investors getting fucked over. not to mention that reddit’s current CEO has made a complete ass of himself and now everyone hates him and wants to see him suffer personally.

(granted, it seems like reddit may acquiesce slightly and grant free API access to a select set of moderation/accessibility tools, but at this point it comes across as an empty gesture.)

"later" is now "now"

TL;DR: this whole thing is a combination of many factors, specifically reddit being intensely user-driven and self-governed, but also a high-traffic site that costs a lot of money to run (why they willingly decided to start hosting video a few years back is beyond me...), while also being angled as a public stock market offering in the very near future. to some extent I understand why reddit’s CEO doubled down on the changes—he wants to look strong for investors—but he’s also made a fool of himself and cast a shadow of uncertainty onto reddit’s future, not to mention the PR nightmare surrounding all of this. and since arguably the most important thing in an IPO is how much faith people have in your company, I honestly think reddit would’ve fared better if they hadn’t gone nuclear with the API changes in the first place.

that said, I also think it’s a mistake to assume that reddit care (or needs to care) about its users in any meaningful way, or at least not as more than means to an end. if reddit shuts down in three years, but all of the people sitting on stock options right now cashed out at $120/share and escaped unscathed... that’s a success story! you got your money! VCs want to recoup their investment—they don’t care about longevity (at least not after they’re gone), user experience, or even sustained profit. those were never the forces driving them, because these were never the ultimate metrics of their success.

and to be clear: this isn’t unique to reddit. this is how pretty much all startups operate.

I talked about the difference between “make money now” companies and “make money later” companies, and what we’re experiencing is the painful transition from “later” to “now.” as users, this change is almost invisible until it’s already happened—it’s like a rug we didn’t even know existed gets pulled out from under us.

the pre-IPO honeymoon phase is awesome as a user, because companies have no expectation of profit, only growth. if you can rely on VC money to stay afloat, your only concern is building a user base, not squeezing a profit out of them. and to do that, you offer cool shit at a loss: everything’s chocolate and flowers and quarterly reports about the number of signups you’re getting!

...until you reach a critical mass of users, VCs want to cash in, and to prepare for that IPO leadership starts thinking of ways to make the website (appear) profitable and implements a bunch of shit that makes users go “wait, what?”

I also touched on this earlier, but I want to reiterate a bit here: I think the myth of the benign non-monetized internet of yore is exactly that—a myth. what has changed are the specific market factors behind these websites, and their scale, and the means by which they attempt to monetize their services and/or make their services look attractive to investors, and so from a user perspective things feel worse because the specific ways we’re getting squeezed have evolved. maybe they are even worse, at least in the ways that matter. but I’m also increasingly less surprised when this occurs, because making money is and has always been the goal for all of these ventures, regardless of how they try to do so.

[risuola]

ENTRY #10 ♡ F. READER X GOJO SATORU // You make my heart do things it's not supposed to do.

contents: arranged marriage!au, teeth rotting fluff, nothing else — wc. 1000

a/n: expect me to drop few entries very quickly because they are all finished in my drafts <3

series masterlist

It still flustered him.

Satoru never, not once in his 28 years of life, felt more confused, than right now. Why was his heart doing backflips in his chest? He sat there, on the wooden chair frozen and thankful for the furniture that held his weight because if suddenly it’d be taken away, he would collapse to the floor, meet the cold kitchen tiles and melt against them into a puddle of mess. He was there, stuck in time with his head empty and heart racing in his chest, rumbling against the cage of his ribs while you were going about the day without a care and attention to his pathetic state. A state you reduced him to.

It’s been few minutes already and Gojo sat there in silence, watching your back as you were washing fruit in the sink, snacking on the juicy strawberries he grabbed for you earlier that morning — a gesture foreign to his own body but he wanted, for once, to be the person who made you smile and not only experience the effect of someone else’s doing. He woke up earlier that day, before the sun even peaked above the horizon line and with his thoughts racing and stomach full of butterflies, he went on a very special mission.

It was a tiny market, way outside Tokyo but with the loveliest sellers. He found a booth he eyed once when on the job in the area, a stand full of little hand-woven baskets, each of them brimmed with fruit. The strawberries were red, some very bright and some very deep in color, glistening in the early sun with the morning dew that scattered across the surface looked as if little crystals were adorning the harvest. Satoru smiled and the old lady smiled as well.

“How can I help you, young man?” She asked, spreading her arms invitingly and Satoru could tell, by the look of her calloused hands, stained in juice and dirt, she was working hard every day to make a living.

“My wife loves strawberries,” he began, catching himself on the ease with which the word wife left his mouth, “but I don’t know much about picking the best ones. Could you help me with that?”

“You came to the right place, son!”

Just few moments later, Satoru was walking slowly towards his house, after warping back into the city. In his hand, a bag hung hooked over his fingers, full of those little baskets and their contents. He might have gone overboard with the purchase, but the joyful tears that welled in the eyes of that old woman when he paid her for fruit — definitely much more than it was worth according to the prices — he had no regrets. In result he carried the bagful of not only strawberries but also some apples, raspberries and sweet cherries — all of which he was forced to take, despite his initial plans of getting only the red ones you like so much.

“There you are, right on time,” your beautiful, melodic voice greeted him the moment he swung the doors open, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He could’ve bought you flowers as well, he planned to do so, but he had to evacuate himself from the grasp of that one seller lady, because as lovely as she was, if he stayed a moment longer, she would pack him her entire harvest of that morning. “I thought you went out earlier, but I made breakfast for you anyway.”

“I went for a little walk,” he said, trying to sound as nonchalant and at ease as he could despite the rageful whirl of butterflies in his stomach. Why was he so nervous? “And I bought you these.”

A soft thud barely made itself apparent above the cacophony of clinking plates and cutlery, but it was enough to catch your attention. You looked at him, curious, and somewhat carefully reached into the bag now rested on the kitchen table. Your face brightened up, your eyes glimmered and you smiled — and Satoru could’ve sworn he’s never seen something more beautiful. You reminded him of a child that got a toy it dreamed of. Pure happiness washed over your features and he wondered if it was always that easy to bring joy to your otherwise calm self.

“Oh my god, Satoru–“ you gasped out, fishing out one of the berries and after a short rinse under the water, you popped it into your mouth and melted. He was told by the woman in the market that the type she was growing on her fields was exceptionally sweet, with the right amount of tang and a lot of juice.

“Tasty?” He asked, watching how you savored the flavor with pure pleasure.

They were tasty. He found out himself, because when your lips pressed to his own, he forgot how to breathe and the only things on his mind were the plushiness of your mouth and that sweetness. His body moved on its own, his hands found their place on your hips, pulled you in, as if it was a natural reaction for him to bring you closer.

And then, before he managed to secure his grip on you, you were gone from his proximity, leaving only the lingering taste of strawberries on his lips and a growing confusion.

I love you.

He heard that right, a gentle whisper against his mouth. You said it, this time you said it for sure, this time he was sure the words actually were spoken, not read between lines.

“Sit down, Satoru, eat your breakfast,” you sing-sang happily, as if you didn’t stop the entire globe just now. As if you didn’t just alter the universe he was in, shifting the rhythm of the muscle in his chest permanently. As if you didn’t just tell him you love him.

But he sat down, afraid to not lose his balance and absentmindedly shoved a piece of a pancake into his mouth.

taglist: @kinny-away @anan-baban @lotomber @netflix-imagines @kawliflo @nishloves @ghostfacefricker6969 @thejujvtsupost @yozora7154 @cherrycolabarbedwirebedpost @stuckinmoilalaland@ae-mius @ropickle @chokesonspit @lansy-4 @mo0sin @just-pure-trash @foliea @bakarinnie @big-booty-joe

[m-artemisa-c]

Lucky night

Pairing: Lando Norris x f!reader

This is an (18+) story which means if you are a minor, you are not allowed to interact.

......................................................................................................................

So this is the first time Im posting something, I was little bored and decided to write one of my many sex fantasies haha english is not my first language so sorry in advance for the grammar errors etc....i don't know if anyone would read this but if you do I hope you enjoy it <3

“Can you please send me the quotations we received today? I already asked you this twice, please focus more on your duties!”  –  I heard Derek, my manager from the other side of the corridor... what an ass... 

The truth is that I’ve been out of my mind for a while, unable to focus on any task. It’s been overwhelming, I must say, a new job, new apartment, new people, and a new city to discover or that’s what I thought. It looks like Monaco is as small as my little hometown, it took me only a week to “discover” my new home. Impressive?  Yes, I would never imagine being here, but I’m not sure I’m going to fit in with all these petulant and fancy people. Everyone seems like some kind of famous shitty person. 

“Do I have to send you a reminder? Or are you going to do the job you are being paid to do? “ – It looks like being a needy asshole is a required skill if you want to be a manager – “I just sent them to you, I also attached the price analysis I made for these suppliers”

For the last 8 years, I worked for an automotive company, it was my first job when I graduated from business school. I started as a trainee for the quality staff and after a year the logistics supervisor asked me if I was interested in joining his team, after some years I got promoted to the sales area. 

I was happy and grateful for the job I had; I'd make enough money to pay my rent and to provide my cat Murphy with all the toys and food he needed to be happy. My life was good or that’s what I thought. 

“There is nothing attached to the mail you sent…” – Derek screamed from his office - “Fuck! You need to stop now “- I screamed to myself. 

“Is everything ok with you? I know you just moved here two weeks ago” – I turned my face and saw my coworker Mike approaching me from his desk – “Ohhh... I’m..Yes, I’m ok thanks. I’m still getting used to my new life haha “ - I responded awkwardly, I turned my face again to my computer screen making sure to attach the files this time and send the email... again. I’ve only been working here for one week and Derek already thinks I’m retarded. 

“Do you have plans for later? We can go for a drink or two” – I turned my face to Mike – “Ammm .. I...mm sure, why not? Having some drinks sounds like a plan to me “ – I reply with a smile on my face – “Nice! So, you tell me when you are done with work, and we will leave. I know a nice restaurant with a stunning view. I’m sure you will love It” – he said as he headed back to his desk. 

One of the main reasons I accepted this job was because I felt something was missing in my life. And when I say “something” I mean sex...sweaty, passionate, and unholy sex.  It’s been 5 years since the last time I had slept with somebody... a guy I met on Tinder... a total disaster.  And after that, I decided I had enough shitty sex and  I spoiled myself... I bought my first sex toy. I named him Timmy because I have a crush on Timothée Chalamet, so since Timmy arrived, I’ve been a happy woman with plenty of orgasms. 

I love Timmy? Yes! no doubt about that, I would never imagine I was able cum so many times in one night, but I cannot deny I want to feel the heat of a dicks men while he is drilling my pussy, I want to feel how his tongue travel all over my body and praise me for being a good girl because  I ride him all night. 

It might sound kind of pathetic that a “grown woman” like me wants to be called a “good girl” but let’s be honest, being 30 is a nice age... That’s what I say to myself when I feel like I’m too old to try to flirt with men or go out. What a disaster! When I was 23, I was way bolder than now, I remember how I used to enter the clubs, knowing exactly which guy I wanted. The flirting game was so fun. Guys trying to get closer to me and dance while they ground their bodies with my ass, grabbing me by the waist and caressing my skin, saying sweet lies to my ear ... good days ...

“So, are we ready?” – Mike’s voice snapped my thoughts. I looked at my clock and realized I  spent 2 hours thinking about my younger years... a nice way to show Derek I’m not retarded – “Uhhh...I just need to send some emails. I will see you in the lobby if that’s ok with you “- Mike nods his head with a smile while he heads to the elevators. 

Maybe tonight is my lucky night, maybe instead of daydreaming about my younger years I need to lose control and show Mike the whore inside of me... – “We need to schedule a meeting with the coil supplier for next Monday and I need to know the amount we have been paying to our broker for these operations. That’s all for today, I expect you to be ready for the meeting “ – my manager said with an annoyed look before leaving my desk. God I need Timmy right now, maybe I can bring him with me and lock myself in the bathroom when I feel angry. I set up the meetings and headed to the elevators to meet Mike. 

While waiting for the elevators I couldn’t stop thinking about Mike and my lucky night. I know I said I was a flirty master when I was younger but now? Hahaha I am a complete loser, I don’t know how to talk with men. How am I going to seduce Mike? He is way more attractive than me, a good-looking man. If I had to guess I would say he is 35, has a nice body, and a charming smile... “Over here!” -  Mike raised his hand and I greeted him with a smile – “Sorry, I hope you don’t mind waiting for me “– I said - “It was only 15 minutes don’t worry. My car is over here “– he put his hand on my back – “Do you seriously drive to the office?” – I looked at him with a surprised face – “Well yes, don’t you?” – he replied – “No haha it's only a 20 min walk from my apartment to the office. I like to walk. It's a nice way to start the day” – it's true, walking is nice, and it feels stupid to drive such a short distance...this is what I mean when I say I’m not sure I’m going to fit here.

We arrived at a nice luxurious restaurant. This is not what I had in mind when Mike said we would go out for drinks, but the view was amazing, just like he promised. Don’t ramble! Remember your lucky night, Mike wouldn’t suggest drinks if he wasn’t attracted to me in some way, right? There is only one reason a man would suggest drinks... Maybe I need some alcohol so I can let myself lose and have fun ... – “Bonjour, je voudrais commander quelque chose à boire? “– the waitress asked and all I could do was look at Mike with a confused look- “He asked if you wanted something to drink “– Mike said with a childish smile – “Oh! Tequila for me please “ – I said as I looked at the waitress- “How come you moved to a city and don’t speak the language?” – Mike asked with an intriguing look – “Ummm well, I didn’t know I was moving until I had to move here haha It was kind of messy, at first the job offer was to be the intermediary between the company and the suppliers. No need for relocation, just weekly meetings but then I got a better offer due to my experience so here I am, completely lost. I’m going to learn how to speak French, people here are kinda pissed if you speak in English all the time ...Maybe you can teach me “– I suggested with a flirty look... or at least that was what I thought I was doing – “Sure! I moved here 3 years ago so I can teach you some basic sentences haha”

Drinks finally arrived and after 1 hour I could feel how tequila was making me forget about my insecurities, now was the time to suggest Mike take me home and maybe invite him another drink. Wait, I need to change my underwear into a nice set of lingerie... Do I even have lingerie? The last time I remember I bought sexy underwear was when I was dating my ex-boyfriend from university, well maybe I can improvise with some thong and a nice bra. 

Alcohol and overthinking don’t get along, take note! While I was deep in my thoughts, I ignored what my new friend Mike said – “Ready to go?” – Mike asked –” Go where?” – I said intrigued – “To my place “- he gave me a confused look -” I asked if you wanted to have some drinks at my apartment. Did you change your mind? “– oh shit... it is happening. Finally, my lucky night is happening – “Sorry, I just feel a little tipsy from the alcohol haha let’s go!”

The drive to Mike’s apartment was fun, he was talking about his favorite spots in Monaco and I was completely lost daydreaming about all the sex I was going to get, while adjusting to my seat I felt how wet my pussy was. My god, I'm so nervous, do I have to make the first move? or should I just let him take control of the situation?

“Babe! I’m so glad you are finally here! “– a beautiful woman said as she came close to Mike and kissed him – “I'm sorry to be late sweetie, we had a couple of drinks before work. I want to introduce you to my new coworker; she moved here two weeks ago, and I thought it would be nice to invite her to our open house so she can meet new people. This is Florence, my girlfriend, she’s from Monaco, she can help you with anything you need. Right, babe? “– I was in shock; all I could do was smile stupidly - “Bienvenue à Monaco ma chère! It's a pleasure to meet you. Mike told me you were having a tough time adjusting here. I'm so glad he suggested this, and as he said I’m here to help you if you need something “– Florence said as she smiled at me. 

What was I thinking? Of course, he is not attracted to me at all, he was only trying to be nice with the new coworker - “Can I offer you a drink? What would you like? We have wine, gin , tequila” - Florence asked me - “Mmm I'm already a little drunk so a glass of water would be nice. I mmm where is the bathroom? “- 

As I head to the bathroom I regret every choice I made for the last month. This was a mistake, everything was a mistake, what was I thinking? I don't belong here, I can quit my job and go back home. My boss hates me and I just embarrassed myself with the only “friend” I made. As I wash my face I decide that it would be better if I just go home. 

“Hey … mmm …I …  am sorry but I don't feel well, I guess I'm not used to drinking alcohol anymore haha I should leave now before I make something I regret” - I said -” Wait what ? When I told you about the party you said you would love to come, what happened?” - Mike asked - “Yeah yeah , I was excited about it but you know I forgot to feed my cat in the morning, he must be starving now. I need to go. Sorry” - I said as I grabbed my purse - “Do you want me to drive you home? It's more than a 20 min walk to the office from here “- Mike said jokingly - “No no , don't worry you have guests coming soon, you must be here. I will order an uber. I will see you on Monday and it was a pleasure to meet you Florence. You have a wonderful apartment, maybe I can visit both again when I'm not drunk”- I said awkwardly as I opened the door. 

Once I was alone in the corridor I realized how pathetic I was. I've always found a peculiar way to expose myself to awkward situations but haha this one is definitely in the top three. Maybe Derek is right and I'm kind of retarded. Fuck! the things I do to get laid, thinking about my sex fantasies is making me lose all my concentration. Maybe I can ask Florence to introduce me to some friends I can - “For fucks sake, get out the way” - I heard someone screaming at me - “Excuse me.. what did you say?” - I asked as I turned my body to face the rude voice  - “Wow, are you deaf? I've been here asking you to move so I can get to the elevator “- another spoiled rich guy, what a surprise. This is it, I'm going back home - “I'm sorry but that's not the way you should talk to people, you never know what is going on with others. Maybe you can be more polite “- I said as I rolled my eyes - “I was polite the first three times I asked you to move so don't try to turn it to me, you are the one who should be apologizing” - Oh god, I want to punch his face so badly - “Yeah, whatever you said Junior, why don't you go back to your daddy's apartment and cry with him “- I said as I begged for the doors to open- “Watch out! A little bitch over here! “-  the guy jokes as the doors open and we both enter …why me...- “You know, there is no valid reason for you to act like this. What is your problem? Your boyfriend doesn't fuck you enough?” - He said with a smirk on his face. Why are attractive guys such jerks? I look down as I wait to get to the lobby - “Yeah, that's what I thought, you are frigid don't you? I bet men don´t even enjoy your company, you look like a boring woman, now I understand why you are such a bitch”

It was all too much, the alcohol, the disappointment, and this spoiled guy. I tried to ignore him but his last words were like a stab in my heart… he was right, men don't enjoy my company, I turned into a boring woman with no sexual appeal, and then I exploded  - “You know what? You are right! I'm a boring woman, I'm all dried up, there’s no joy in my life anymore. Men don't enjoy my company even if I try to seduce him” - I was crying and yelling at him - “I haven't been fucked in almost a decade ” - the guy was completely in shock, you could tell by the way he opened his eyes.He was regretting saying those things - “you can say all you want about me being a bitch but it's not my fault. If men knew how to give a proper fuck I wouldn't be here…trying my best to be flirty - silence filled the elevator as I realized what I was doing -”…sharing personal information with a stranger and embarrasing myself …fuck”- oh god, this day is getting worse I think I'm going to lose my mind. Yes this guy is a jerk but I'm being mental over here. I need to calm down  - “look I'm sorry” - I said as I wiped my tears- “it's not a good day “

I buried my face in my hands pretending I was back home when I felt the elevator stop. I looked at the guy and he was pressing the red stop button - “What the hell are you do…” - was all I could say. In a matter of seconds, I felt a warm tongue deep inside my mouth while a strong pair of hands grabbed my face, cornering my body between the wall. The kiss was so passionate I could barely breathe, his tongue was exploring my mouth like crazy, suddenly this rich spoiled guy sucked my lower lip making me moan from the pleasure. When I opened my eyes all I could see was a pair of eyes looking into my soul, wonderful blue eyes that made me feel so vulnerable yet excited and horny.  His fresh breath was on my face and we stayed like this for what it feels like an eternity. I was completely mesmerized by this guy. 

He ran his thumb over my lower lip, just where he sucked it and I saw how he smirked. His other hand moved to grab one of my boobs- “You are a wonderful woman” - he said as he caressed my breast over my blouse. I let out a soft moan  - “And most important, you are not dried up “- he said as he kissed my neck - “I bet I can make your delicious pussy soak all over me” - I felt his thigh between my legs, just where my clit was. The friction was pure pleasure to my soul and I let a loud moan escape my mouth as I grabbed his strong bicep - “Come on, let yourself enjoy this' ' - he said as he kept kissing my neck. I was in heaven, he was kissing me just where I wanted. It was like he knew my body and how to touch me, I let myself lose and grind harder on his tight  - “Oh my g.... mmmm…yesss” -  I moaned as my head fell back giving him more access to kiss my neck. I could feel his smile on my throat as I kept moaning from the pleasure  - “Fuck!” - he muttered in my ear - “I can already feel your wetness” -  he said as both of his hands grabbed my waist guiding my movements - “Open your eyes, look at me. I want to see how much you are enjoying this” - he commanded as I was on the edge of pleasure, unable to react to his instructions.I kept grinding harder on his thigh with my eyes closed enjoying the pleasure and chasing my orgasm. I could feel it coming, my legs were shaking and I was babbling nonsense words and moans, and suddenly it stopped. I opened my eyes with an angry look - “Why …mm. noo … I was so clos..”- I felt how he turned my body to face my reflection on the mirror wall. One of his hands grabbed my throat while the other slid down to my pussy.  - “Open your eyes, sweetie. I want you to see how pretty you look when you moan” - his hand was teasing my pussy over my jeans - “Mmmmm yeesss” - I moaned as I leaned my head back to his chest - “No no “- he said as he guided my head back so I could see myself again - “I told you I want you to see yourself “ - he said as he gently rubbed my pussy - “Do you like what you see? Fuck you look so sexy, I can see how bad you want it” - I nodded frenetically - “ Yess please, I want it, please please don't stop this time” - I saw how he smirked proudly - “Mmmm such a good girl for me. Do you want me to touch you? Feel the heat of your soaking pretty pussy?” - What a jerk, he is making me beg for it … it's worth it…be a whore for him -” Yess! Touch me and make me cum”. 

I felt how his hand unbuttoned my jeans and slid into my underwear just where I needed him. Fuck ! I could hear how wet I was, sticky noises filled the elevator as  he opened my folds, his long fingers were traveling all over my dripping pussy  to my clit and teasing my hole. I watched the obscene scene from the mirror wall, this cute guy was driving me crazy. I felt a wave of confidence and I started to grind my body against him, I felt his hard cock against my ass, his big, hard, and delicious cock. Our bodies were like matching pieces from a puzzle, perfectly moving while we enjoyed the friction. 

I grabbed his neck to increase the pressure and in a violent move, he ripped the buttons of my blouse. With no hesitation, he moved my bra exposing my bare chest to him - “Mhmmmm…you have a pair of delicious nipples over here”  - He said as he cupped one of my boobs, my nipples were hard and aching for more - “Come on, cum for me pretty girl” - he commanded - “Ahh..yes.. please..mmm.. keep… keep going... I just …mmm… kiss me “ I felt his warm tongue in my mouth once again. I was moaning against his mouth as he violently abused my clit making my legs shake from pleasure. He kept rubbing my soaking pussy and without a warning I felt an amazing jolt all over my body -” Fuuck yes! Yess cum all over my fingers!” - I heard as I felt my soul leave my body, I was shaking like crazy. 

It took me a while to recover from the amazing orgasm, I was unable to stand by myself, luckily a pair of strong arms were helping me. Once my brain was ready I opened my eyes, I saw how this spoiled rich guy was licking his fingers covered with my cum. Fuck, he is so hot! I look at my reflection in the mirror and smile to myself. Sweat was coming down my forehead, my face was red, my nipples were hard and you could easily see how I still had goosebumps - “You taste like heaven”  - I heard from behind. I gave him a shy smile as I tried to fix myself but he stopped me. I faced him and he grabbed my face between his hands - “I'm sorry for being a jerk” he kissed me once again, a soft and gentle kiss - “And as i said…You are not dried up sweetie” - he said as he put one lock of hair behind my ear -”If that thought crosses your mind again I will gladly remind you how wet i can make you” - I instantly blush as I bite my lower lip, I tried to cover my chest with my ripped blouse - “Fuck, I'm sorry for this too”- he gave me a childish smile - “Why don't you come over my place? I will give you a shirt …” 

Maybe being here can be an exciting adventure after all, maybe Monaco isn't as bad as I thought. “Im Lando by the way, please accept my offer…You can apologize for being a bitch…”

[thezombieprostitute]

Unwanted - Part 2

Summary: Your life is no longer yours. You've been forced into becoming a different species of human. Bought and paid for, what can you do but follow orders and obey your Alpha?

Warnings: Allusions to surgery, human trafficking, kidnapping; Angst; Depression; Suicidal thoughts. Let me know if I missed any!

A/N: Reader is described as big & tall, is female. No other descriptors required.

Part 1 -- Part 3

Levinson leads you to car but you pause for a few moments. You haven't seen outside in so long. Tears start streaming down your face as you look at the sky.

"Omega!" Levinson barks. You duck your head in fear and quickly climb into the car. He gets in on the other side and knocks the partition, signalling the driver he's ready to go. "Buckle up," he tells you.

You're quick to comply. You can't do anything else because you feel so dead inside. Kidnapped, tortured, and rejected. What was the point of all of it? Why did you have to suffer so much for someone who doesn't want you? Why did he ask for someone like you? It doesn't matter anymore. All you can do is follow orders and try to shut your brain down. Like post-surgery healing and recovery, the training they put you through. Just shut up, shut down and comply. You don't even bother looking out the window, it would only further remind you of what you missed. What you're never allowed to do again.

Levinson keeps working on his phone. You can only tell because of the sounds. You can't remember the last time you held a phone. But it's not your place to think about it, now is it? You take a breath and catch hints of the driver's scent. He also smells like fire, but more controlled. Like a large bonfire at the beach instead of the wildfire next to you.

You hear the partition roll down. The driver says, "we're far enough away, Ari."

"Thanks, Johnny." Levinson puts his phone in his pocket and turns to you. "I'm Ari Levinson, with the Department of Defense." He pulls out his wallet and puts it on your lap, making sure you see his badge and ID. "They weren't supposed to actually find a candidate. It was a ploy to buy us time until we could get more intelligence on the operation."

You blink, whispering, "I...I was mistake?"

"We're going to take you to a community of others of our kind where you can get proper care."

"I was a mistake?" you say louder. The tears start pouring. You can't hold them back any further. It was bad enough when you weren't wanted but have your entire existence upended for a mistake? It was too much. You collapse into a sobbing pile.

"Told you to be gentler on her, Alpha," you hear Johnny say.

"Not much that I could do to soften the blow," Ari retorts. "Let her cry it out, she definitely needs it. Might want to get some food, too. I can hear her stomach growling from here and I'm sure it's making things worse for her."

"Okay," Johnny shakes his head. He pulls out his own phone and calls someone telling them to have some food prepped for your arrival in a half hour or so.

You're all cried out by the time you reach the gate. It looks like you're entering an army base. That fits with the Department of Defense stuff Ari said. Both men show their credentials and the car is allowed inside.

"We're going to get you some food before we catch our flight," Ari tells you. "Do not speak until after the plane lands. Understand?"

You nod and he accepts that. What choice do you have?

"For what it's worth, I know the guy who works the commissary here," Johnny offers. "He's an amazing cook!" Again, all you can do is nod.

You're let out of the car and walk between the men towards what is labelled as the Mess Hall. Levinson gestures for you and Johnny to sit at one of the long tables. While you do, he goes to the kitchen and comes out with a few trays of food. The entire time you've sat, Johnny's kept a hand on your shoulder, likely as a way to try to comfort you while also keeping others away.

Every so often, as you're eating, someone either brave, stupid or dared into it, tries to approach your little group. But either Johnny or Levinson gives them a look that has them think twice and move along. You don't know if there's some special Alpha power or if they're just that intimidating. You also can't bring yourself to care. At least the food is good, best you've had in ages.

Levinson checks his phone, "time to get moving. Flight is ready for us." Johnny helps you off of the bench and you assume your position between the two men.

When you're seated on the plane between them, you try to buckle up. It's definitely not a commercial flight and you're unsure of all the straps. Ari sees you having trouble and helps you out. Before he buckles himself in he whispers in your ear, "when we land, you will be properly taken care of by a real community. I owe you at least that."

Part 1 -- Part 3

Tagging: @alicedopey; @delicatebarness; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @lokislady82; @ronearoundblindly; @startcarvingdarling

[angeart]

I had to go back and re-read Elegy with this new info in mind and just, awwww Mumbo....the general panic of everything on top of THAT? I say again I wanna give him hugs

you have even MORE to tell about Mumbo tho? 👀 Yes I wanna know more, yes I wanna know more about him and Grian. When you're ready to share ofc :3

-🎀

ohhh i'm so happy you went back and reread with this new info <3 yeah he struggled so much there. it'll catch up to him i'm sure.

anyway! yes! more about boatem circus mumbo! [prev post here]

so technically speaking, scar bought him. it was a scam and all, but there was a small upfront fee scar paid in order to be able to get mumbo away. and mumbo is aware of this, unsure how to feel about it, even though scar waves it off as if it meant nothing. 

but, you know, if he was bought into any place… this one isn’t so bad. (it’s not bad at all.) 

he’s given all the accommodations he might need, and all the time to recover and come out at his own pace. and… it takes a while. but he does feel like he can’t stay still for too long, and there’s only so long he can pace around his room. 

he gets to meet other people (and their endless kindness). he gets to watch the circus performances and learn what they do, with the stress on the caveat it’s all voluntary and safe. he sees people freak out and others taking care of them. he sees people fall out of scheduled performances because they’re not doing well and nobody making a fuss about it. he sees all the aspects in which scar puts them above all else. 

and he feels like he owes him something, you know? 

but his only marketable skill is teleporting and… he doesn’t want to do that. not yet. he can’t.

he does help out however! in his own way. he knows his way around redstone, after all. and there isn’t a lot of it in the circus, but mumbo feels like he can still be of some use! so he helps set up and improve lights and effects for the stage, a task that helps him come out of his shell as he gets excited about all the innovations and little ways he can add to things without being in the spotlight.

he also helps in the backstage.

but there’s one more skill he picks up: sewing.

as an enderman, he’s tall and it’s hard to get him clothes that’d fit. but he thinks maybe he can learn to solve that himself. and he finds that sewing and tailoring calms him. even if he’s only doing it for himself for a while.

he makes his suit himself. and! the other crew members like it so much they start asking him for specially tailored stage clothes too! 

scar softly tells him with a smile that if mumbo ever felt like he had a debt, it’s now surely paid. just to further reassure him, because he knows mumbo was worried about that for the longest time. (and it does bring mumbo some relief, to know that. he can start feeling equal with everyone. more free.) 

… and then grian comes along :3

[wingfril]

My newest shipment just arrived so let’s talk about some (recent) lottery-only items! The picture above is from the most recent d.grayman playing card drawing, which you could’ve entered by subbing to zebrack comics.

They’re really pretty! I don’t know if it was worth $350 dollars though. There’s only 2 types of illustrations plus the card back and spades,

Funny thing about the prices — I’m pretty sure I’m the reason why the floor for this is 350 on mercari. When the drawing results come out, several people started selling the cards on mercari. I knew I wanted something that’s super exclusive like this, so I started paying attention. There were three sellers in particular competition against each other. over a span of around 2-3 days, the price dropped from ~100k yen down to 59k yen. Keep in mind that these drops were mostly happening while I was asleep being on the east coast. My ideal price would’ve been around 200 usd or ~30k yen, but I’m willing to pay more. Right before going to bed, I saw that the price has fallen to below 60k, and said screw it. Next morning, I woke up, and the main price competitor’s cards were also sold, and a few days later the third person, with a slightly higher price, also ended up selling. Since the price decreases happen primarily while I was asleep, and I knew that as soon as one sells, the other is going to get bought up too, might as well pay a little extra. I’m also 99% sure that at least 2/3 of the other sets on mercari was bought by chinese people, since I see their posts on chinese social media.

To be honest though, if I knew that there’s only two new drawings on these cards, I probably would’ve waited a bit longer before buying them. Oh well.

The other lottery item I had is from the vol 28 drawing.

They’re B5 sized manuscript replicas. They’re stunning — you can see so many details on these. Every stroke on neah/mana’s hair is clear as day. I’d like to frame them but *screams in nyc and paper walls*.

The other drawing item is a acrylic board of the vol 28 cover.

I’m still debating on buying that off of mercari. I think I will once the yen drops a little more, but we’ll see. I wouldn’t lose sleep over not getting it.

As a side note unrelated to dgm: the reason why I’m buying so much recently is 1. I realized that a few thousand literally makes no difference to me and my house owning goals (I LOVE NYC) and 2. The yen is incredibly cheap right now. Even though some Japanese collectors are price gauging, some of the items are not too much more expense than their originals price (there’s a few absurd outliers, which I’ll covered in two months… because I paid for some of the outliers and now they have to be shipped from China).

The Japanese fed has spent billions on trying to stabilize the currency, but to no avail. it’s really bad for any Japanese companies doing import, but it’s really really good for usd based consumers. As long as the US federal reserve and their interest rate remains high (and a bunch of other factors), yen is going to continue getting crushed against the dollar. There’s some items I’m eyeing on that I’ll probably only buy if the yen drops to at least 1:160 against the dollar. If you zoom into the last month of usd:yen, you can literally see when the Japanese fed intervened.

[callsignfate]

Laswell x Chaotic Wife Pt.2

(I laughed while writing these. I've also posted like 3 or 4 times today so this might be my last post for today other than the vote for tomorrow's post.)

Part One/ Part Two/

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Laswell *on the phone with price*: Why did my wife just come into my office and tell me it makes more sense to be called football.

Price: Because it is, ... and I paid her to tell you that.

Laswell: You paid her? With what?

Price: Told her she could hang out with Soap.

Laswell: That's a recipe for disaster.. again.

Price: seeing how they'll be at your house doesn't bother me one bit.

Laswell: JOHN.

*He hung up on her laughing.*

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

R/N: Kate, love, why are we out of coffee?

Kate: Are we? I wouldn't know.

R/N: I JUST BOUGHT THAT TWO DAYS AGO!

Kate: ... Someone's got to get this done.

R/N: YOU'RE GOING TO GIVE YOURSELF A HEART ATTACK!

Kate: Says the one who almost kills herself daily and makes me more stressed than my job sometimes.

R/N: ...This isn't about me.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

R/N: So wait- your name is JOHN?!

Soap: Yea?

R/N: KATE- THERE ARE TWO JOHNS

Kate: Yes. I know.

R/N: TWO JOHNS.

Kate: She's going to go on about this for weeks now.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

R/N: So your here for...?

Ghost: To watch you two.

Soap:.. wait? Watch us?

R/N: Kate is mad we almost burnt down the house. Her fault.. kinda

Kate *leaving the door with Price and Gaz*: IT IS NOT! GHOST WATCH THEM!

Price: Yea- don't let them out of your sight for even a second. I made that mistake once. Alright you have fun!

*Later*

Ghost *on the phone with Laswell*: THEY FUCKING VANISHED. HOW DO I FIND THEM?!

Kate: THEY- THEY WHAT?

Ghost: I went to piss, and they are GONE.

Kate: They are probably hiding. If you say "red robin" and you don't hear a "yum" soon after.. they got kidnapped.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

*R/N and Soap ducktaped to chairs back to back after Ghost got tired of them.*

R/N: YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO RUN LEFT.

Soap: HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW YOU DONT KNOW YOUR LEFT AND YOUR RIGHTS?

R/N: Aren't you supposed to be better than him?

Soap: Shut up.

R/N: That's point what for the British against the Scottish?

*Ghost holding back a laugh*

Soap: Shut the fuck up.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

*Kate walking back in hours later with Gaz and Price.*

Kate: What the-

Price: You duck taped them to chairs?

Ghost: They are both terrifyingly good at hiding.

Kate: ..so you taped them to chairs?

Ghost: It was the only option where they didn't escape and get kidnapped for ransom or Soap showing your wife how to build a bomb with bathroom chemicals.

R/N: I was so close to knowing.

Kate: ...actually fair enough.

Price: Told you he could do it.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

R/N: Price called.

Kate: I don't have any missed calls..

R/N: No he called me.

Kate: That's odd, why did he call?

R/N: ...I don't know he called me a Muppet for saying I don't like tea? I forgot the rest of the conversation.

*After Kate called to see why he called her wife while she was in the shower.*

Kate: Love- they called because they were HAVING PROBLEMS ON THEIR MISSION AND YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TELL ME THE PHRASE 'PRICE ONLY LIKES TEA WHEN HES AWAY FROM A PROPER PINT' BECAUSE THEY ARE IN DANGER. YOU SAID YOU DIDNT LIKE TEA AND JUST HUNG UP?

R/N: I was trying to catch up to you on candy crush.

♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡~♡

Masterlist/ More like this/ Request

[sevendeadlyheadcanons]

I’ve seen this on tiktok with different fandoms so here is NNT if they worked in retail

(these will be british because i live in britain and so do they and saying big tescos is objectively funnier than walmart or whatever)

Meliodas: Still runs his pub, but it’s probably a Wetherspoons that he’s bought the franchising rights of. He plays the football on the TV and writes who’s playing on a chalkboard in front of the pub to draw more people in. Probably supports Millwall but lies to people about it because he doesn’t want to get beat up in his own pub

Diane: Claire’s. Never let this woman touch the piercing gun. Whenever she checks you out on the till she’s like “Ooh these earrings are stunning they’ll suit you so good” she always buys the blind bags and collects them all

Ban: Corner shop. Probably sells vapes to minors and gets them to call him bossman, but not intentionally he’s just drunk on the job (he drinks the 3 year old WKD that nobody has bought because it’s shit)

King: Marks and Spencer’s. He believes that M&S food is better than any other food. “Yeah sure Aldi might be cheaper, but are you gonna get Percy Pigs there?” “These oranges are of better quality and 10x better than the ones you can get at asda” bro will defend the prices at M&S with his life and constantly denies the tory allegations.

Gowther: Lush. Bro sells the fuck out of them bath bombs. He always smells like the shop. Does demos just for the fun of it, because he likes to see the ✨sparkle✨ the biggest snow fairy fiend, he stock piles snow fairy when it first comes into stock so nobody else can buy it for the first like week.

Merlin: Superdrug. She knows the shop like the back of her hand. Where’s the paracetamol? “Second isle” Where’s the pads? “At the end of isle 4” Where’s the makeup kept? “The back isle” She probably lets people shoplift to spice her day up.

Escanor: WHSmiths at daytime, Puregym at nighttime. Bro has bills to pay so he’s constantly on the grind. At smiths he constantly has to defend the prices and remind people that he personally is not the reason why the pencil cases are a tenner. At the gym he has no idea why people are working out at midnight but he’ll go and do it next to them just to flex.

Elizabeth: Probably still a waitress at the pub. Has to deal with rowdy footy fans all day with a smile on her face and she takes it like a champ. Doesn’t make the app orders late on purpose but they’ll still end up taking 2 hours to come somehow. She probably dropped the tray and had to remake it and then had to kick someone out. She needs her legally required 4 weeks paid holiday please 💔

Elaine: Primark. It’s the only job she could get and it makes her blood boil everyday. She hates the customers, she hates the cheaply made clothing. She is constantly applying to other jobs but she cannot get anywhere yet.

[josephsaturn]

Library visit (AU DRABBLE)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Shmi thinks about things while she gets ready to go to the library

(This is a drabble for an AU I have where Shmi was taken by Jango to be a nanny for Boba)

WORDS: 595

CW: none as far as I know

Note: Shmi’s thoughts on the Jedi aren’t my thoughts on the Jedi, nor how the Jedi would be portrayed if I made a full-on fic for this AU

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even though it’s been 3 years since Mr. Fett brought her from Tatooine to Kamino, Shmi was still shocked by how different the two planets were.

Tatooine was hot, dry, and sandy, and Shmi didn’t miss it one bit, but Kamino was cold. The cold was omnipresent, from the moment she woke up in her apartment to the moment she went to bed. On top of that, no matter how many layers she put on, the cold would always worm its way through to her skin. She didn’t think she could hate anything more than the anger of Tattooine’s suns boiling her alive, but Shmi thinks she’d prefer it over the constant, unyielding cold.

This cold isn’t just in the environment, either; evidently, the cold seeped into Kamino’s dominant species.

Shmi dreads to talk to any of them, with their callousness toward the sentient life they’ve made of Mr. Fett’s DNA, or their callousness in general.

That’s another thing, too: the clones.

Seeing as Shmi isn’t a trainer, she’s not allowed back there to be among or train them, but…there are windows nearby. When she’s feeling stir-crazy, Mr. Fett is planetside (which is usually only for a week or two between months-long bounties) and Mr. Gilamar is busy (which he usually is), Shmi will walk to a window and just…watch them train.

Children, the lot of them.

Children as young as 3 (physically, Mr. Gilamar had been very insightful on how they differed from her sometimes-charge when she asked), hooked up to machines for hours on end, staring at screens that beamed military training into their minds.

Children as young-looking as 6, learning how to take apart blasters and wield knives to take down men two times their size.

For a planet with a seemingly-infinite amount of water, this place is no more free than Tattooine.

And just like Tattooine, the Jedi won’t come to liberate these boys.

No, they’re an army for the Jedi: bought and paid for, even. The Jedi will come here in a few years to pick them up, and make them their loyal lapdogs, with no chance for these boys to live their own lives.

She should’ve spat in Master Jinn’s face when he asked to take her son.

“Miss Shmi?” A voice asks at the same time she feels a slight tugging on her dress.

Turning around, she sees her charge, the reason Mr. Fett brought her to this forsaken place.

Boba Fett, Mr. Fett’s 3 year-old son.

The only clone who’ll get to have a childhood. To grow up, to live.

“Can we-can we go to the li-b’rary now?” He asks, looking up at her with wide eyes.

Shmi lets out a soft puff and gives a small smile.

“Go put on your shoes, Boba.”

It’s not this boy’s fault for this, she knows that. He’s just as innocent as the other clones.

No, the one she truly despises is Mr. Fett. He sold his DNA to make an army, he treats everyone with indifference at best and hostility at worst.

There’s no positive emotion in her body for that man, not a lick of it.

Shmi smiles as Boba walks over, shoes on his feet. “Ready!” He shouts, giving her a thumbs up, and Shmi holds her hand out, not moving until the boy’s small fingers curl around her own fingers.

They both walked over to the front door of the apartment.

“So, which book do you plan on getting today?” She asks as the door slides open.

She might not be able to do anything for the other boys, but she’ll help boba in any way she can.

In spite of Mr. Fett.

[jaemified]

sunshine - kwon soonyoung

“you’ll always be my sunshine in the rain”

pairing; kwon soonyoung x fem!reader

genre; fluff, drama, unrequited love

warnings; minimal mention of drinking, soonyoung and reader get rained on in the middle

wordcount; 1.6k

synopsis; the one who stayed by your side no matter how many times you got fired from different jobs, tells you no matter the outcome, you’ll always be his sunshine in the rain.

read below the cut !

you had just been fired from your third job within a span of 7 months. not that you really did anything, you were always a competent employee, just the fact your overly.. energetic (to say the least) friend group would always seem to forget they are in public when they visit you. and once your boss found out they were yours, you paid the price no matter how much you tried.

“im sorry. i know it’s not you whos personally at fault, but we’ve been getting to many noise complaints from both owners next door. so we have to let you go, im really sorry again.” your boss, minnie, had told you before firing you from the bakery.

i mean, it made some sense that there would be noise complaints as the people next door were a tutoring company and a book store, but why would you have to be the one to take the blame?

at the end of the day, they were still your best friends, so you tried to see past it. but you really needed the money with rent due soon, not to mention the bills on top of all that. ‘i really might need to cancel my netflix and hulu subscription..’

you do have a roommate, sana, who you of course are close with, but with her being in law school, she was barely home.

of course she paid her share as she was pretty financially stable not to mention she still slept there (sorta) often, yet you never could ask her for money. though you went to high school and finished college together, it still felt weird asking for money.

so you sucked it up and went job hunting online, texting some of your (other) friends if they knew any available positions in the retail industry.

after 3 hours, you gave up. it was about 5pm now, and you had been rejected by around 15 different stores.

you decided to take a break to eat, and made a quick sandwich.

you scrolled through your phone mindlessly, before you received a notification from the one and only tiger lover (you really cringed when he told you to make that his contact name), soonyoung.

hoshi; r u ok

hoshi; srry me and kyeom got u fired

hoshi; picking u up

hoshi; dress nice

hoshi; jk u always do

hoshi; be there in 25

you sighed at his sad attempt to cheer you up. of course, him and seokmin were your best friends (among other things) yet you seriously had no idea how to move forward career wise.

you thought of just not telling them where you worked but they always found out one way or another.

even so, despite the desperate need for money you appreciated all soonyoung did for you. if he wasnt able to support you financially, he definitely always would mentally/emotionally.

with a heavy groan, you drag yourself off the couch to get dressed as you realized the minimal time you had left before he’d arrive.

you put on a yellow dress with yellow frill short sleeves, as well as a random pair of white sneakers before grabbing your bag and phone just as soonyoung texted he was parked outside.

“is that the dress i bought for you a while back?” he questioned while he backed out the parking lot.

“yeah. just never really had the chance to wear it since i was always working.”

“im sorry about that, again. i know you aren’t exactly the most financially stable but just know you can always come to me if you need-”

“soonyoung- weve been over this, i cant just ask you for money. i could never impose on you like that.”

“its not imposing if im the one offering it to you. but really, i don’t mind. im more then comfortable money wise right now.”

“only cause you live in cheols basement.”

“its not a basement- its a bedroom below the main floor. and josh literally has his own room on the same level as me! you know what thats besides the point. but you get what i mean!”

“yeah- you’re a group of 5 grown men living in a small technically one story plus a loft house with a.. not-basement because none of you wanna pay bills on your own.” you chuckled, rolling your eyes as you let the wind blow in your face through the crack in the window.

“hey! you’re saying that like we all don’t pay our own fair share.”

“whatever. where are we going anyway.”

“somewhere.”

“no way. are you kidnapping me?” you dramatically gasped, putting a hand over your chest.

“stop talking or im dropping you off at the nearest insane asylum.”

—

after a good 15 minutes of driving, you realized soonyoung had taken you to the old park you used to always visit together, recalling all the fond memories while the rushed back to you when you first stepped out onto the grass.

you noticed soonyoung taking a smallish basket out the trunk before you connected the dots it your head — he had taken you onto a picnic.

“you coming? this basket isnt getting any lighter.”

soonyoung had brought all sorts of your favorite comfort foods, ranging from strawberry shortcake, to tteokbokki, and even spam musubi.

as you took a bite out of your slice of cake, you let out a little gasp as a bee danced around your fork, before eventually flying to crawl over your dress.

you immediately stood up to shake it off you, sighing in relief as you saw it fly away (thanks to soonyoung swatting it but youre an independent person)

“you’re that freaked out over a small bug?”

“it was a bee! i dont want it to sting me or get in my cake.”

“it only stings you if you attack it first.”

“you’re lucky i didn’t attack you. why are all the bees coming towards me and not you anyway?”

“guess the bees know who the real flower is.” he smiled, before digging back into his own food like it was nothing.

your heart melted at the little comment, but it was expected from soonyoung. you shouldn’t get all worked up from something so usual/normalized, you told yourself.

but if it was so normal, why was your heart beating so fast?

“that was a little sudden. what was that all about?”

“oh that? yeah i like you.” he shrugged like it was nothing, the words rolling off his tongue so naturally as if he was responding to the most obvious question in the world. like, what color is the sky, or, how the hell do you respond to your super cute best friend that you find attractive, saying he likes you but he just got you fired thrice??

you felt the air being knocked out your lungs, absolutely speechless.

“i only said it so naturally cause i know you don’t feel the same, you know,” soonyoung mumbled, seemingly reading your mind. “just kinda needed to get it off my chest.”

“soonyoung..”

“no i get it. i mean i can’t expect you to love me especially ive been such a bad friend. i knew you were struggling and yet i still got you fired. from three different jobs.”

“im really sorry.”

“no need, if anything i should be sorry.”

“you know i still really care about you, right.”

“course you do, its only natural, anyway”. he forced a smile, though he wasn’t quite sure what else he expected.

though, he supposed a small part of him was holding onto something, wishing maybe you could’ve been a little more.

coincidentally, you began to feel small raindrops against your finger tips. you looked up to see the once bright blue sky had turned gray and gloomy.

“that’s weird.. I don’t remember seeing any rain in the forecast..”

soonyoung immediately packed up everything as soon as he could the moment he felt the rainfall coming down harder and faster.

by the time he was done, you both were pretty drenched.

he dug through the neatly packed basket to grab his black denim jacket to wrap around your shoulders as he guided the two of you to the car through the rapidly shifting winds.

soonyoung was meant to drop you off, but you invited him in. despite all his personal protests, he still went in anyway.

you poured yourselves some red wine, sitting on the floor by the warm fireplace after the cold rain soaked you both.

“i dont know if it’s the wine talking but you are really attractive, even if i don’t see you the way you see me.” you slightly slurred.

“well. you know what they say, drunk words are sober thoughts.” he awkwardly chuckled.

“im sorry.” you drunkenly mumbled, your head tipping over to fall onto soonyoungs shoulder.

he quickly took your wine glass to put onto the coffee table behind you in order to avoid staining the fluffy white carpet.

“what for?”

“i still really care about you.”

“well. you’ll always be my sunshine in the rain, even if it’s only ever just as friends.” soonyoung whispered to you, pulling his jacket tighter over your shoulders while you let yourself be absorbed by your own dreamland.

[nothing0fnothing]

Hey! So I have some lived experience in being poor and mentally ill I had to learn the hard way in my adulthood after growing up with abusive neglectful narcissistic parents. Maybe it will help someone else.

1. Instant pot. Crock pot. Rice cooker. You only need one, but all 3 are versatile, can use very little electricity to run, and are perfect to dump ingredients into and come back later to a healthy, cooked dinner.

You can research which is best for you by looking up "crock pot recipes" "rice cooker meals" to get a feel for what types of meals you can prepare in each and how it's purposes can best fit your cooking style.

2. Get your electronics secondhand. Phone companies make so much off of poor people bc they contract us into pay plans that mean that by the time our phones are needing replacing, we've paid for it 2 or more times over. Consider going Sim only and getting your phone secondhand.

Websites like backmarket and envirophone sell refurbished phones, tablets, laptops, smart watches, TVs, consoles, headphones, all sorts like new and for a fraction of the price point you'd usually get them at. I've not bought an electronic new since 2015 and the products I get refurbished last just as long as if I'd bought them new. Plus it's better for the environment. Even if I had money I don't think I'd go back to buying new honestly.

3. Static charger. If you're Autistic and can't sit still, like me you might be finding that the first thing to go on your electronics is your charge port. It's really annoying because it's not a cheap fix and I have had to replace phones early when they won't charge any more.

Last year my girlfriend and I got static chargers. It's an adapter that sits in your phone/tablets charger slot that magnetically connects to a universal charger. Its great for us because now everything rechargeable (phones/tablets, but also headphones, game controllers, keyboards/mouses) takes the same cable. It's really handy, but for me the best part is that the adapter doesn't move. So even if I'm fidgeting with my phone on charge it won't wear down the charger pins over time. We paid £20 for 3 and it's paid for itself because I've not had to take my phone for it's yearly fix since I got it.

4. Make a cozy space outside of bed. As a bedrotting girlie I know the allure of just saying "fuck it" and curling up in bed is so strong. I also know that when I do it for days at a time my sleep quality gets worse, my days blur together and my mental health gets so much worse. Especially if I'm working, watching TV, eating all my meals and doing my hobbies all from my bed.

One thing that helps me break up the bedrotting and at least helps me get some decent sleep so I might wake up feeling better tomorrow, is having a cozy spot that isn't in bed I can spend at least some of my day in.

For me, it's the couch in my living room. I've furnished it with pillows, blankets, and a little coffee table I can rest my stuff on so I can feel as comfy as I do in bed, but not actually be in bed most of the day. For You it could be a book nook, or a floor bed, or a desk with a chair in your bedroom.

5. Giant water bottle. This one is really simple. We need 8 glasses of water a day to be healthy and hydrated. Basically nobody depressed has the energy to fill up a glass of water 8 times a day. If you can get a water bottle that holds 2 litres (65oz) of water, now you only need to fill one drinking vessel once a day to be healthy and hydrated.

It's really simple and sill but it honestly saved my life. I buy those drink flavor packets because I drink more when it tastes nice. Is it as healthy as plain water? No. Is it healthier than no water? Yes. Easy peasy.

My bottle is from Meoky, its the 64oz stainless steel camping bottle with a flip straw I got for under £20. I like it because it keeps my water cold and I'd rather walk on hot coals than take a sip without a straw, but I've bought same size BPA free plastic bottles for like £3 and they have lasted me 2-3 years too so the budget options are absolutely worth it too.

6. Reconsider what's worth getting second hand. Generally when thinking about buying secondhand we mean clothes at the thrift, and that's great, but buying pre loved can be anything, and you can buy some high ticket items at an affordable price point that way.

If I ever want an appliance I always look second hand first. My rice cooker is secondhand and it is my favourite appliance. I've also bought a popcorn maker for a fraction of the price I'd buy it new, and I'm looking for a Kitchen Aid mixer for no more than a third the price they usually sell at. My vanity houses my shark air styler, I got it refurbished second hand and it was like new when I bought it. I use it every day and it still has so much wear in it.

Generally, the bigger and heavier something is, the closer to free you can get it, because the people getting rid of it just want it gone. If you ever need a washing machine or some furniture, look on gumtree or local no buy groups first. Type "free ___" followed by where you live into Google to get an idea whats available. If you're furnishing a space it's very likely you can get everything you need for the cost of the van you hired to collect it all.

7. Frozen vegetables. Fresh produce is getting more expensive and because we neurodivergent and mentally ill people can have a habit of letting fresh produce rot in the fridge, wasting money and making more mess to clean up, it's usually not worth it. The thing is, frozen produce is cheaper because it is picked in season, healther because it is frozen at optimum ripeness, and can be safely stored in your freezer for months, it's so worth doing.

They're usually pre-cut and can generally just be chucked into your dish frozen to defrost while cooking, making them easy and accessible. You can buy mixed vegetable packs (in the UK the most common is sweetcorn/peas/carrots and broccoli/cauliflower/) for some variety too, which I like to just dump a portion into soups or broths for some added vitamins.

8. Medication delivery. I've been medicated for mental illness for years, and a regular problem I used to have was I would neglect going to pick up my meds because I was depressed, then I'd run out and be unable to collect them because the lack of meds was making me more depressed.

Now however, I'm signed up with an online pharmacy. They processes my prescriptions exactly the same way any other pharmacy would and dispense them through the post in a box that fits through my letterbox. I never have to leave the house for meds again which is actually a lifesaver, the shipping is super cheap, like free for 3 day delivery and £2.99 for next day, and it's all processed through a super simple app that I only have to use like one a month when I request my refill.

It's so worth it and if you struggle to get out like me I absolutely recommend it. In the UK it's called Lloyd's Direct Pharmacy, but I'm sure it's a service you can find in other places of the world too.

9. Laundry separation is a lie. Which isn't a big deal for people who don't care about throwing money away on extra loads or people who have the spoons to faff around separating their clothes arbitrarily, but for poor neurodivergent people, it is.

So here's the thing, the rules of separating laundry by colour came about when clothes were made of all natural materials that would stick to each other when agitated and natural dyes that would run in water. Nowadays, clothes are made of synthetic or blended materials that can handle the friction of a modern machine and synthetic dyes that hold up to basically anything. 99% of clothes on the market, and therefore probably 99% of your wardrobe, is polycotton or some other poly-blend. So generally, everything you have can just all go in together on a warm wash.

Now, if you have woolen, linen or cashmere pieces, you should be separating them and following the care instructions on the label, but everything else, just shove it in mate, nothing bad will happen.

10. Protein powder. Protein powder is cheap, it's stored dry to it basically never goes bad, it's obviously protein so it's a really good addition to your diet, it tastes of whatever flavour you buy it in so it's a good meal substitute if you're depressed and your appetite is low, and it comes together really easily.

I usually get it in big tubs because they're cheaper per gram that way and I just add them to my coffee/hot chocolate for a boost or stir it into some Greek yogurt for a quick healthy snack. Thats actually my favourite way to get protein in because it's like 2 minutes and it covers up that sour taste yogurt has. I've also stirred it into milk for my cereal to varying success but it's good because the fat in the milk and the carbs and fortified vitamins in the cereal make it basically a meal. If I'm struggling for breakfast I usually add a scoop or two to an instant porridge pot and I have a ready to eat nutritional meal ready in the time it takes to boil the kettle.

[lyriquette]

Old RWBY AU description from Frosen Steel chat server - 3/31/2021

lilac — 03/31/2021 12:43 AM

--- After an hour or so of tossing and turning in bed to no avail, I suddenly have an idea for an AU. 8)

---

Searching through Atlas's archives, a young impressionable Penny discovers a digital scan of an ancient translated version of the Tale of Two Brothers within. The previous owner of the book had written notes.... well, rants....in the margins about how the God of Darkness deserved to have no worshippers and that both gods were pieces of shit.

Still, the tale fascinated her about how the gods had actually created Remnant and humanity, sorta like how her dad created her from nothing. And it was also kinda sad cause it sounded like the God of Light got all the credit for making humanity if the lack of worshippers for the God of Darkness meant anything.

He kinda reminded her of her dad. Because before Dad made her, people was always taking credit for his work, even though he did 99% of it. But her dad was too nice to make a fuss.

You know what. I'm gonna worship the God of Darkness now and no one can stop me!

----

Her dad had been pretty cool about the entire thing after she explained it, even bought some books about prayer rituals and worship. (He assumed Penny was just going through a phase.)

And so one day, Penny got all the stuff she needed and began praying to the God of Darkness every day.

------

lilac — 03/31/2021 1:44 AM

In a galaxy far far away, the God of Darkness just stared in dismay as another bunch of his worshipers got exterminated again. By the Church of Light no less.

He really wanted to toss an energy beam down there, just to let the stupid ants know that 'hey these are my worshippers', but that'd break the rules he and his brother made.

To be honest, if he actually liked them, he might even done so anyway.. but really, he knew they had it coming. He liked destruction and mayhem as much as the next God, but there's a line between destruction and intentionally torturing and making people suffer - a line his worshippers regularly crossed with the whole skinning and dismemberment alive thing. The sad thing was they literally were all he had.

eriously, why did he get stuck with all the crazy cultists? He wasn't like that. Sure, he had a bit of a temper problem like most gods did when it came to pride, but he hadn't genocided anything since he left that stupid planet wi-

Oh. That human. That Salem. It still made his horns quake just remembering it. He thought he was going to get his very first genuine worshipper, intelligent and sane and wishing for favor. And he granted her the favor, even paid the horrendous price of pulling a soul from the world and encasing it into a mortal shell. And for what? She was just using him.. only came to him cause his older brother wouldn't give her what she wanted,, and he got played like a fool.

And when she got all those greedy humans to rise up against them - to try and demand immortality from them - okay yeah, genocide probably wasn't the brightest solution, but he was what- like a million years old at the time and going through a phase- he's easily ten times that by now.

"Oh, and there goes your worshippers again," said a very unwelcome voice in a tone that didn't seem smug but really was meant to be smug.

"I have a moon and I'm not afraid to drop it," the God of Darkness sourly replied to his brother as he turned his attention back on the last of worshippers getting cleaned up by his brother's.

Wait, that'd probably kill everything in the planet - damn it.

Eh?

Did they miss a spot? Why was he still receiving faith?

"That's the last of them," the God of Light remarked, "Hopefully it won't take another dozen millenia for people to discover your existence again."

...Ignoring his brother's gloating, he directed his attention towards the source of the thin stream of faith.

...Was that Remnant?

He glanced at his brother. He was going to ask if his brother had sensed something from the world they abandoned. But you know what? Fuck him.

"Ugh. Shut up. I'm going to destroy a couple uninhabited planets. See you in a couple millennia or something." he pretended to grumble as he transformed into his dragon form and flew off.

"Sure, brother. Come back soon," the God of Light replied before directing the entirety of his attention back on the world they currently lived in.

The God of Darkness could only roll his eyes as he flew off towards the world they abandoned: Remnant.

---

lilac — 03/31/2021 2:42 AM

Creates an avatar of himself as a Grimm squirrel... human girls like cute things right. This should be an acceptable disguise, right?

It takes him months to create a squirrel that didnt look monstrous enough to get shot on sight by Atlasian security. And since he didn't actually know if his worshipper actually cared about these humans, he can't just go on a murder spree to get through.

Penny gets to learn that though gods, though very powerful and already born fairly intelligent, gain insight and learn very very slowly. Even GoD will admit humans are incredibly fast in that regard.

[pixieprixess]

maybe i should explain each of the characters you're going to meet.

this is feyre keller, she's twenty-six and strived to be like her brother, alex. her callsign is echo 3-2. she met johnny during operation deadbolt when she was saving him from a bunch of zombies when she was twenty. it was a slight slow burn at first and she ended up falling for the young scotsman. after marrying, they had three boys, two older twins, a young boy and then a young girl.

she's not retired from the military and will end up going anywhere when needed.

----

this is elena clarke, she's thirty-four and is a master marksman and assassin. her callsign is solarflare as she is bright and hard to see. she met graves during a mission in texas and since then, she's had him surprisingly wrapped around her fingers. graves forced her to retire in texas and gave her all authority to decorate and do whatever while he paid for everything. "why should i let my woman work?" she would always here him say.

----

this is faye hernandez, she's twenty-seven and is a civilian caught in a cartel life because of her wife, valeria. she met valeria when she was getting her nails done and they hit it off. faye didn't take shit from anyone and valeria loved that and made sure faye would always stay safe. valeria gave her a card and told her to do whatever. faye bought them a house where no one would find them as long as the stipulation was that valeria would come home and love her.

valeria couldn't deny faye what she wanted.

----

this is esme swan, she's thirty-one and was saved by ghost during one of his missions in london as one of their enemies had taken her hostage. esme thanked him quietly and smiled. ghost didn't quite know what to do as rubbed the back of his neck and nodded. esme handed him her number and told ghost to call her anytime. he did. now they're married and enjoying life.

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this is imogen cooper, she's thirty and a cilvian that price married without anyone, but laswell, knowing. they have two children, one of each, and she stays home to take care of them while price does his captain duties. she lives in glasgow with them and makes sure no one knows she's married to the captain.

she loves the life she's in.

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this is althea wilson, she's a sniper in the c.i.a and met gaz during one of the missions where she had to go undercover to get intel on a mafia man who's been distributing drugs and sex trafficking. althea and gaz didn't quite get along and they hated each other until they met again years later when she was helping him in one of his missions and they ended falling for another.

a sentiment, she believes.

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until stated, only feyre and imogen have children while the others don't. there might be times they will not have children, but that will be stated when i write it. thank you for reading about these characters<3

[thegeminisage]

bro i was SO excited to get into coral island. have been waiting on it to come out of beta for literal years - i didn't want to play the early access version because i wanted to be able to enjoy the entire game at once. when it released i read something about like the merpeople romances not being ready until 2024 and i was like ehhhh should i wait but my brother was like no that'll give you something to bring you back to it later you have been talking and talking about this game it's finally out so you would be nuts not to buy it. so i bought it. $29.99 american dollars. that's about 3 hours of cleaning houses. i had some steam money though so i actually got it for $23

there is an "i'm stuck" button in the menu which acts as if you had passed out - you lose cash and stamina. once my game glitched and i ACTUALLY got stuck because the controls would not allow me to open the door. there've been a few other minor glitches here and there - some weird dialogue, or fenceposts vanishing if you put them in the wrong spot. and steam shows me the xbox controller button prompts instead of the ps4 ones. that was all fine. it's an indie game and it's just been out a couple of weeks. i didn't think a thing about it. for the past 3.5 days the only thing i've wanted to do is play more coral island. you might not be able to marry a merperson yet but i have been cleaning the ocean so i can go talk to them, you know?

but this morning moseyed my ass on over to the subreddit, sure i would find cool tips and trivia etc. instead it's every console player on earth talking about how the crashes make the game unplayable. even on the pc version, there's apparently only 3 merpeople you can even talk to and the cleaning the ocean quest ends with a literal "wip" on the screen. the pet adoption function is still in its infancy, you can't dig for fossils, kids don't grow up, and chests keep vanishing with items in them. i felt like i had only barely scratched the surface of this game but in actuality. maybe not.

andl ike. not to be a whiny pissbaby. but i am SO FUCKINGGG TIRED of games releasing when they aren't FINISHED. i thought an indie game that was in early access for SUCH a long fucking time would be safe from this phenomenon but apparently fucking not. i was fine to wait as long as they needed but when i am flat broke - when as a household we are food bank 2-3 times a month one house payment behind BROKE - to spend $30 on an INCOMPLETE GAME during the HOLIDAY SEASON when i have to fucking buy presents for people is INSANE. if i was going to play the INCOMPLETE version i could have paid the much lower early access price. and i deliberately on purpose did not do that and got tricked into doing it anyway!!!

like how can you raise your price and claim it's because the game is complete now and RELEASE IT ON CONSOLE when the game isn't actually complete now? did they need the extra money to continue development? did some suit stick his nose where it didn't belong? and my ass is WAY past 4 hours so there's no way i can return it. i'm stuck with this game now, just as it is, with the money i paid for it.

idek if i will keep playing. it's fucking fun as shit and ik when it's finished i'm gonna love the hell out of it, plus i've got a ways to go yet before i start hitting walls. but man what a way to take the wind out of a girl's sails. "wip." i spent the last 4 in-game days doing nothing but cleaning the ocean. good lord.

tbh going on reddit was a mistake. that was my bad. i would have preferred to find all this out the hard way and enjoy myself until then. or: better: i would have preferred not to buy the fucking game yet! wild how that works! i hate i hate i HATE this economy!!!!!!!!!! that's so fucking evil!!! i literally want my money back!

[hazelthevixen]

Hazey's rules for adopting ocs

Rules for when you're adopting characters from me 1. Always give credit! And I mean proper credit, not just "o credit 2 original creator" and not misspellings and shortened versions of my usernames. It needs to be one of my full usernames on one of the sites I use most (Weasyl and Linktree for example) and if possible, link back if you can! 2. Do NOT steal. The character needs to be bought before you do anything with it. No buts! You have to buy before using it. I don't want to have to put up with shoplifters thank you very much. ¬.¬ 3. Don't complain about the prices. Art is expensive. Deal with it. 4. No begging or asking stuff for free. This includes asking to lower prices, change the way of payment, giving points instead of actual money. No means no, so don't be a spoilt brat please. 5. Be nice or I'm not giving you my characters. Simple as that. 6. Chances are it might not be first come, first serve. I want my characters to go to loving homes, so if you’re buying the character, please tell me what you’re going to do with it. whoever plans to give the most development to the character will get to buy it 7. I accept payments of all currencies. Well, at least I think so.. ^w^; The prices are listed in great british pounds but don't worry! That doesn't mean you have to pay in pounds ^w^ As long as it's a real currency, you can pay! 8. No collectors allowed. Please don't buy this character just to hoard it into your oc collection.. OCs are not "rare collectables", they are not rare toy collectable action figures that you "gotta collect em all". Please don't buy them if you're only gonna use it just for display reasons only. I don't want to sell a character I worked hard on designing, only to be hoarded into your oc action figure collection. I want all my characters to go to loving homes where they have some sort of role as a character. I just want them to be loved and used, that's all.. :< 9. I have the right to refuse your purchase. If I am not comfortable giving away my characters to you, I have the right to refuse. Please don't take it by heart, I'm sure you'll find other characters out there! If you've already paid after I said no, you will be refunded. Like I said, I may need to learn how because I am still very new to paypal 10. Once bought, you may use this character how you like! Art, animation, stories, fursuits, plushies, figures, you name it! It's all yours once you buy it so do what you want! ^w^ You can make it a sona (aka self insert), hero, villain, main oc, background oc, imaginary friend, sfw, nsfw, anything you like! The only limits is these rules and how far your imagination can take you, so let your creativity run wild! :D 11. Feel free to change the name, gender, etc. If the character already has a bio filled out, you may change it to your own liking if you prefer. The bio is just a starter guide to help with starting out development for your character. You are more than welcome to keep some of the info or change it however you like! 12. You can make small adjustments. Things like scars, outfits, notched ears, missing limbs, wings, antlers, horns, slight change of markings is totally fine! However I wouldn't recommend completely redesigning a character to something completely different like a whole new species and colours, it just seems like a waste of money to buy a design then make it look nothing like the original imo but it's really up to you I guesss.. :/ 13. Please don't instantly resell once bought. Buying adopts only to sell them again is not cool. Do NOT sell them for a higher price than what I've already given, that's scamming. No more than what you paid for. 14. Refunds are a huge maybe. Once bought, there's a chance that you may or may not be able to return it. Unless it's my own species, if it has a fursuit, custom plush, and other physical items, then there's a chance that it might not be able to be returned due to complications. Feel free to sell it for the same price or cheaper however! But no higher than what you bought it for. That's unless you've given the character alot of art and media since you bought it. But if it still has the same amount of media when you got it, then you need to sell it no higher than how much you bought it for, because that isn't fair on their creator. 15. Do not give or sell my characters to blacklisted users. Blacklisted users are banished from taking part on my sites, games, livestreams, events etc, and are forbidden to receive any future works from me. By giving my works to a blacklisted user, you aswell will also be proven untrustworthy aswell as blocked and blacklisted. By purchasing a character from me, you hereby agree with all rules and promise to follow them. Breaking any of these rules will result in consequences. I work hard on all my creations and put alot of love and effort into making them. Yes that includes art for others! And I hope you enjoy them as much as I did making them :3 You will be asked the magic word which is whammy zammy. Don't forget to include it when you ask to purchase! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ I've been working really hard on saving up for my hopes and dreams cos I've been trying to make up for my rough past by trying to aim for a good future. So by purchasing from me, you are helping me, a vulnerable and disabled person, aim for a better future. Thank you for your support! ◠ω◠��

Please be nice when commenting! I refuse to be criticised so please accept that. If you're gonna be mean, don't say anything at all. Thankies for checking out my post! Meep meep! ヽ(◕ヮ◕)ﾉ I'm on other places too! ^-^

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