#i need to shave my head i wont even get to grow my hair as a mullet this shit SUCKS im going to hit da bricks | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

battleangel · 1 year ago

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I Am Not My Hair

What actually happens if I shave my head bald?

Why cant I see what I look like without hair?

Why do I have to be sick or have cancer or be dying?

Why am I not allowed as a woman to just shave my head?

Why do I need a reason, a justification, an explanation?

Why do I have to justify being hairless?

Why are people acting like Im dying and have cancer just because Im bald?

Nothing happens. Thats the gag.

Youve been taught to fear.

Its just my bald head. Why is that forbidden?

Verboten?

Why cant I ever see what my actual head looks like without all this hair on it?

Why cant I see what my face looks like without it constantly being surrounded by hair?

What if I like being bald?

What if I like not spending $1200+ a year on my hair?

What if I like not styling my hair?

What if I like not doing anything with my hair other than cutting it super short, about an inch or two, every few months?

Why does it threaten people for a woman not to care about her hair?

I dont want to go to a hair salon or barbershop.

I dont want to go back to an afro.

I dont want locs or dreads.

I dont want shaved sides, I already did that last year.

I dont want corn rows or bantu knots, Ive done that too.

I dont want to grow it out.

I dont want a $500 lace front wig.

I dont want a wig professionally installed by a stylist every 2 to 3 months.

I dont want to wash or brush my hair.

I dont want to put any products in my hair.

Why is it a sin for a black woman to not want to grow her hair out?

I dont want my "long beautiful" hair back.

I dont want it halfway down my back again.

I dont want it to my waist again.

I dont want to relax it again -- there are lawsuits against Loreal, black women who used Just For Me and other chemical relaxers to straighten their hair are being diagnosed with cancer, inferitility and fibroids.

The chemicals in a relaxer are strong enough to break down and destroy the natural texture of your curly coiled kinks and force it to be straight -- those same chemicals are also strong enough to literally peel paint off of cars -- why are you putting this directly on your scalp for an hour plus every 2 to 3 months from the time you are a pre-teen or in high school until adulthood, for decades, and thinking that there wont be health issues?

They target products to Black women that kill them.

Remember the little Black girls that sang the R&B pop jingle in the Just For Me commercial?

"Just for me...hair so healthy, silky and free."

Who was that song for?

This was the 90s and there were multiple Black girl groups back then -- TLC, 702, Blaque, Xscape, Jade, Total, MoKenStef, etc. -- they wanted to get us while we were young so we would keep using their products until adulthood.

I got my first perm, I am 4C, at 11. I was so glad my mother stopped burning me with the hot comb that she had tortured me with since I was 5. Anything was better than that as I had a very sensitive scalp or "tenderheaded" as it is called in our community.

I couldnt wait to go to Touch of Magic salon where my older sister already had her long, silky hair. I was tired of being tortured by a hot ass comb that was constantlu burning my fucking scalp and I was tired of being told to "sit still" while my scalp was being fucking burned. I couldnt wait for the Revlon Fabulaxer so the dreaded golden hot comb could be forever banished from my existence.

From 11 to 34, 23 years, I faithfully got a relaxer at the salon every 2 to 3 months. It was about $120+ (relaxer, deep condition, style, split ends, color, etc.). Over the years, that fucking adds up, over $100k I spent on my hair. Even when I went natural at 34, my 4c hair is extremely thick, kinky, nappy, unruly and very difficult to deal with. People have literally broken combs trying to comb through it. Needless to say, I couldnt manage anything myself but a wash and go so I spent thousands at the salon as a 4c natural on Senegalese twists, box braids, Bantu knots, corn rows, twist outs, twist updos and flat twists.

Then I shaved my sides and cut my hair super short and started going to barber shops but I was dyeing it fuschia back then so my hair was still costing me money.

Then last year, I finally just grabbed kitchen scissors out of my kitchen and hacked it myself and decided I was never going to go back to a salon or barbershop.

I was going to cut my hair with kitchen scissors myself every 2 to 3 months. I do like different looks so I have five cheap synthetic shitty wigs that are different colors (blue, blonde, green, black). Depending on the lewk and fit, either I just wear my hair natural and short or I slap a wig on.

But thats it. No maintenance, no upkedp, no hair care routines, no wasting away a Saturday at a salon, no barbershops, no wash and gos, no 15 hour sessions getting braided extensions.

Just literally cutting it with kitchen scissors every 2 to 3 months and slapping on a cheap shitty wig whenever I have a certain fit or lewk and thats it.

Then in August, I decided to shave my head bald. I didnt want even a few inches of hair anymore so I grabbed my husbands razor and shaved it. Didnt go to a barbershop or stylist. Had no idea how to even use the razor and just shaved it all off in under 10 minutes. I loved the bald look especially with thick ass winged liquid eyeliner, bold dramatic eyeshadow and colorful lipstick.

I have a few inches of growth that in a month or two, I will grab the kitchen scissors again and cut my hair down to an inch or two. Ill do that every few months. I love it bald but even shaving my head on a regular basis is more time than I choose to devote to my hair. Cutting it with scissors to an inch or two every 2 to 3 months is my absolute limit.

As a woman, thats not allowed.

Especially as a Black woman.

And I was raised by a Southern Baptist fundamentalist, so forget about it.

You have to obsess over your hair, products, styling, color, length, look, appearance, texture, curl pattern, thickness, volume, care routines, pre poo, deep conditoning, tea tree oil, diffusing, texturizing, blow out, straightening, relaxing, lace front wig installations, weaves, kanekalon, bundles, braids, twists, locs, dreads, corn rows, bantu knots...

You cant just not do your hair!

Only you can. Because thats exactly what I do.

Even as a Black woman and we are brainwashed to be absolutely obsessed with our hair.

Go back and look at the hysteria India Arie caused when she shaved her "beautiful curls".

Just like India Arie, I am not my hair.

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baasphemous · 1 year ago

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Gender rambling between 4-5am? Not sure who even keeps up here as sporadic as i post, but!

Gender is so weird. I have, for most of my life, never really considered my appearance. It was something that i “fought” for but never really played with? I’d toss on a tshirt, some cargo somethings, sneakers, and call it a day because for me, it was the least sensory hell and something that didnt make me dysphoric that apparently set the tone of being a trans man. I cut my hair into a rooster comb and for the most part that was my set hairstyle. I never really saw it as gendered and i liked it i guess? I liked my hair out of everything but even still sometimes sticking it up felt like a chore or could be a sensory challenge. I have been out of the house for half my life now, and yet i feel like i never got much of that teenage exploration most my peers got. Its weird to be exploring it in your thirties but here i am. I spent my early twenties as a trans man, and only managed to disown it in my late twenties during pride month when i went back to test driving they after realizing being a man gave me dysphoria too.

I have never particularly felt like a man nor a woman, but something in between. Both, sometimes neither. These days i feel like i fluctuate and so i have been cozying down in the ambiguity, thinking i might be some kind of fluid but my queer ass really feels at home with terms like faggot butch, nonbinary, gender noncompliant, transgender, or dyke. I like the idea of any pronouns but sometimes i feel sad people automatically clock me as a he/him 95% of the time because i have facial hair. They is fine for me, she is interesting, and viewing myself through she has been a wild ride in terms of things coming full circle again to my agab, in some respects. I dont hate it when i view myself as masculine like a dyke.

It’s weird because i dont want to use micro labels and yet regardless of acceptability of said labels (people dont like the reclaiming of slurs), i find myself fearfully wading through them, scared of the judgement and scared of folks accusing me of some lack of authenticity. Scared that folks will slap a stamp on my head (such as trans man) and look no further. And i suppose thats inevitable in some respects because i often just say im queer and leave it at that. Sometimes queer is all i need. People will make their assumptions and wont always understand and thats okay. The people who matter will get it.

I shaved my hair off wednesday afternoon and as much of a siren call as it was, i was scared it was going to look bad! I cant lie, though, there was something sweet and delightful about having my owner run her hand over my freshly cut head and tell me i really was her bully now after she helped shear it all off. I took some weird relief in the act and something was nice about seeing myself reflected in the mirror with a new sense of self. It was like the feeling of buying a new canvas to paint on or starting over. It kind of kickstarted me into engaging in how i look again instead of just idly accepting not looking at it in the day to day because it didnt really feel important.

Last years yule made me think about clothing, but i had kind of picked it up and put it down. I feel like this “drastic” hair cut has been a relief for not having to manage hair and how sensory overwhelming it can be, but also for my gender expression. I have thought about makeup since. I have enjoyed wearing dangly earrings with a bald head. I have been thinking about how i could feasibly look cute if i just picked up xyz or did something scary and alluring. And who knows, it might change? I might grow it back out to a rooster comb again. But for now i am enjoying the ride, i am enjoying feeling engaged with myself because i deserve more than just throwing on essentials and living my day without considering myself. It is nice feeling like i have some kind of autonomy over my appearance for a change instead of settling into something “acceptable” or just cruising along without much thought. I hope i can pull my partners along because they deserve that feeling too.

Its times like these where i wonder if this feeling of autonomy is just something people feel by default or if they work more or less to get to this point? I dunno, but i am happy to have gotten here.

#chatter #gender #long post sorry #just thinking my thunks

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razette · 2 months ago

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Making poor decisions in a safe environment allows kids to learn how to develop critical thinking skills like pre-judging the consequences of an action and, failing that, how to cope with them without actually hurting themselves or others.

as someone who also hated bangs (i relate so so much, for me it was that 90s child bob with bangs, ugh) i dont blame anyone who wants to be rid of bangs one bit. i was lucky. after fighting to be allowed to grow out my hair, i too gave myself a horrible haircut. i got in a lot of trouble, but my mom agreed that i could grow my bangs out as long as i kept them out of my eyes. that was a personal pet peeve of hers.

so obviously i had bangs til i was 12 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

thats way more agency than some people got, even if it took until i was 12 to learn to manage my hair, i was extremely fortunate in that regard. I wouldnt be among the people who gave themselves bangs during the lockdowns.

More than that, tho, after finally being allowed longer hair in my teens i decided that also sucked. i cut it off when i was 20-- and i also hated that. which fucking sucked. so i dyed it green. grew my hair back out. dyed it purple. decided to shave it again just to be extra sure. maybe i was insecure the last time? nope, it really did suck. Eventually i settled into an undercut and dyed it blue. ive had it that way for ten years, and im done with hair nonsense.

i learned how to take care of myself and how much energy i cared to put into my hair (none.) i got to know myself better (I shaved my head right before getting a new lisence picture done. it haunted me for years.) i even found out how annoying it is to have green or blue hair in march (extremely), and how to be kind while suggesting people get their color vision tested.

In all that time i also had no issues finding or holding a job, nor did i experience any of the other kinds of fear mongering my mom tried on me. Hell, even my facial piercings only gave me trouble once, but much worse happened to others while I was there so like. it wasnt even one of my top 10 concerns at the time.

when i was finally happy with the way I looked, i decided that that happiness was more important than working for a company that thought they were entitled to make decisions about my body. By making that sort of unilateral decision for myself ive had to really consider what opportunities that will cost me and figure out what steps i need to make to safeguard that decision while still living in reality.

And that is just the way my life has been pretty profoundly affected by something as simple what hair cut i was allowed to have as a kid. other people make other mistakes and different decisions. some people get to make all their mistakes as adults in a crash course of consequences, and all that control their parents had wont mean a damn thing in the end.

kids will be mostly okay if they do something stupid.

Ok, so here’s a thing. I talk a lot about autonomy and freedom for children, and a lot of times that comes up in really radical ways, dropping out of school, running away from home, *big life choices*.

But that’s not the only place where we curtail kids’ freedoms. Like, say a little girl’s getting a haircut and she wants to get half her head shaved so she looks like Natalie Dormer in The Hunger Games, like, first the barber’s going to look to the parent for permission (which is already fucked up) and then the parent’s almost certainly going to say no and tell the barber to trim a few inches off or whatever it is they think their hair should look like and…

What I’m getting at is that so many of the things we think we need to protect our kids from are *fucking harmless*. Shaving their heads, going to the supermarket in a spiderman costume, eating ketchup for dinner, these things are not going to seriously harm anyone. In so far as they are mistakes, they are mistakes that kids should be able to just make and gracefully recover from.

And I think the mindset here – that children need to present *normally* because otherwise what will people think of them, and what will people think of their parents – is *precisely* the same mindset that leads to abusive shit like “quiet hands” and ABA. That it doesn’t matter what they want, what’s good for their well-being, what matters is that they *look and act* “normally”.

Like it seems like there’s something akin to a curb-cut effect here? Where this mindset hurts developmentally disabled children more, a lot more, but maybe the most efficient thing to do is just to tear it out by the root, to criticize it wherever we see it?

Like it’d be nice if we could just say, if they’re not hurting anyone, kids should be allowed to look and act the way they want to, they should be able to cut their own hair or flap or crossdress or refuse eye-contact or have cereal for dinner or not want to be touched and it should be the parent’s *responsibility* to fiercely defend their child’s right to do those things and set those boundaries against anyone who wants to give them shit for it, not to victim-blame and say no you can’t do those things because people will give me shit about it if you do.

#noelmermaid.txt #i have to say I think the bigger issue was that A CHILD like myself as I was quite young #was able to get a hold of SCISSORS nevermind that I cut my hair badly #what I am saying is I was lucky that all i cut was my hair and that I didnt remove an entire finger or something #honestly now that I think about it i also cut myself multiple times on butter knives when I was 4 because I was #trying to access particulat tough to peel oranges which is just fucked up #high on intelligence low on wisdom i guess but WHY WASNT I SUPERVISED ???#no wonder i developed anxiety as an adult like damn #anyway no i dont think kids should be allowed to cut their own hair but I do think sometimes that nonsense can be avoided if they just #got to live with whatever haircut they decide to get for awhile. theyll probably learn something #even a negative like 'i hate this haircut and i never wanna do it again' is valuable information

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genderjeopardy · 8 months ago

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This is a brief, kind of muddy and unreliable recollection of my coming out to my parents like an year ago so,

TW: transphobia, s**c*de mention

i still find it so incredibly funny that my parents waited MONTHS to have "The Talk" with me. when it happened, they started off by mentioning how they always noticed my "habits" (trying to grow my hair out, speaking in a higher pitched voice, using my mom's deodorant, etc.) but weren't explicit about their observations. they then reassured me that in that time period, they had became more "open-minded", "knew more about the world" and how they would accept me regardless of my "sexual orientation". me being me, i was obvs swept up in a newfound respect and love for my parents, and almost instantly decided to let go of any hatred or reservations about them that had been boiling inside me for quite some time.

alas, i made a terrible oversight and failed to pay close attention to their exact words. "Your sexual orientation". now, i dont and wont blame my parents for not being up-to-date with queer lingo, but the point remains that they were expecting me to tell them that i was like, idk, gay (mlm) or bi or wtv. at the end of the day, in their heads, i would still remain their son.

ofc, this realization sailed way over my head at that point in time. as a result of this, and me letting of my guard, i blurted out that i thought that i was maybe trans. like i just mentioned offhand about going to therapy to discuss abt my supposed dysphoria and wanting my parents to use my preferred pronouns.

as soon as i finished my sentence, i could just feel the entire mood in the room just do a full 180. my parents who were v committed to presenting a calm, rational aura till that moment, instantly gravitated to smtg closer to pure confoundment and, weirdly enough, grief (in retrospect this made way more sense). like i just told them their relative died or smtg. heads buried in hands, my father crudely commented abt me becoming one of the "psychopaths". mom just straight up warned me that she would end herself over this (i think this was just said out of frustration, but still), trying to talk while almost choking on her tears. it was rlly tough for me to process exactly what was transpiring but i subconsciously went from "open your heart out" mode to "damage control", reassuring my parents that i wasnt sure whether i was even trans, let alone ready and willing to socially and medically transition. the situation kind of came into more control from there, but the message was clear, from both sides. my parents knew that i was not "just gay", and i knew that my parents werent rlly approving of my potential transness.

from then on, i kind of subconsciously restricted myself; somewhat lowering my vocal pitch, not regularly shaving my facial and body hair, more compliant with my parents' requests to not let my hair grow too long (my mom would question me sometimes whether i was still considering "that thing" with the same tone one would use when discussing idk, a drug addiction).

i still like to think that its not rlly hatred, but just an apprehension of smtg alien, smtg so incredibly against everything that both my parents have been raised with. i still like to hope that maybe in the future, with time and effort from myself (in terms of understanding them and teaching them), things could very well change. but i also cant help but lie that obvs the things they said were hurtful. furthermore, my feelings abt my supposed transness have been way more inconsistent than what i'd hoped for. not regular enough for me to be confident that i desperately need to transition, but also not completely out of my mind to convince me that im cis. if i cant convince even myself, who am i to teach anyone else?

anyways, i just wanted to let it out for funsies, considering the wide (and funny) gulf between my parents working so hard to prepare themselves for me coming out as "gay", only for them to get blown away with a completely different concept.

#transblr #transfem #coming out

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mered1h · 1 year ago

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treadmill jaws.

TW: suicidal ideation (metaphorical), gory imagery, crude language

You should dig through My cuts Stained a shiny pink Like you took your favorite Lipstick All over my legs To remind my body That im never over, that Im a treadmill jaw Chewing everybody up To a stale gum wall I want you to wash me clean Cause everybody in this town is So fuckin mean Put your fingers all over me Till i feel like a man Cause ill lip sync all my words and still be man enough Im quiet with a punk scene in my brain, so, Tell me that im tough While you stick laundry detergent In my guts Tell me that im a treadmill jaw; My tongue is so fast moving And brushburn inducing A veldt of carpet-taste-buds Its like my lips pucker up to say too much And say nothing at all In a dream-scene, my tongue is an underwater-kind-of-silence. Am i a modern disease or a bubonic plague? I'm not a narcissist, Im a fraud Im not a baby, Im a god. And cause i know ill lose it all To the drugs in my head, to my dopamine and Pudding slimed brain; A wet sound that hits the pavement With ideas and Rebellion So ill shove these bullet casings In my ribs like a sower’s seed I’ll water it with lethargic blue soap and Sprout quaking aspens; push em’ Right through the skin Ill be naked And show off my cuts Ill be a kid With skateboard scabs ill cut off the fat around my hips In little chicken strips And my tongue is too loud; churns out words that cant be heard But god, i cant stop my fire Ill shove it in my treadmill jaw Cook it in all my acid And i wont be a liar, ill really make it silent. And because i am a poet Ill serve it for dinner and eat it again At a big table The girl ive kissed will watch me eat With blood in her teeth So that i know im not the only one with canines That bleed pork rines And girl-parts Im still naked my hip dips are raw And this silent dinner Chips my tooth on silver forks And fetus personalities Shimmering in my stomach All these calories speak the language of My red blood and blue veins Cause now i know what ill eat next My fondant tongue With poprock taper My treadmill mouth And quaking aspen cuts Had me headless in my mulititude of attitudes Stuck in your teeth These dogs from hell dont eat flesh or floss sticks Just menthol cigarettes and Kitchen knife knicks I told you I was shaving My baby hairs at the wrong angle If they where longer I could make Them tangle And because I am a liar I never really stopped I just picked my hair right out the drain and shoved it in your face I hold myself like a loose cannon Like mace And half dried toothpaste Uncomfortably, In Absolute, Comfortably, In an alopecic Solute But things grow back- they always do- because Swiss Army knives Are infants that you blame on the things that you do ______ _______ ______ _____________ _______ _____ _________ ____ ___________ ______ _______ ____ _____ __________ _________ _____ _______________ ______ (treadmillmouth) I keep a gun in my bed Cause sometimes i wake up And my veins are stuck in my teeth So sometimes i know that i’ll need To shoot my tongue To keep my anatomy quiet And then sometimes I just shoot my brain cause Maybe I’m just fucking insane I keep a gun in my bed To shoot all the words that ive said That get me high Without the mary jane On my pain Im not a baby, Im a god I’m not a poet, I cant even talk, I’m a fraud. -Meredith. I am only afraid of nothing in everything. hi, this is my first post on tumblr so tell me if you like it; thoughts and tips, yk?

#poetry #poems on tumblr #spilled poetry #poetsandwriters #poetscommunity #poetic #poems #my writing #writerscorner #writers and poets #queer pride #poc writer #queer #people of color

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cocosstories · 3 years ago

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Henry Cavill One Shot

Ooh!! Umm, may I request meet cute w Henry?? Probably while grocery shopping????

It was supposed to be a normal Saturday afternoon.

Following your usual weekend routine, you did laundry and cleaned the house, finishing your day with a trip to the grocery store to restock your refrigerator for the next week.

You were checking through the selection of fresh fruits when you hear someone behind you.

"Oh, excuse me, I'm sorry."

You feel a hand just on top of yours and turn to see who it belongs to.

Your breath catches when you are met with the most amazing set of blue eyes you had ever seen in your life.

"Th-thats ok."

You stutter on your words as you take in the whole of the man in front of you.

He was tall, brown hair, clean shave face with big muscular arms and a chest that was buldging through the tight t-shirt he was wearing.

To say he looked like a God would be the understatement of the century.

You knew who he was of course, growing up a fan of Superman, you had watched every new adaptation religiously. His, being one of your favorites.

"I'm Henry."

His smile was even more illuminating in person and you almost forget to give him your name in response.

"Y/N"

You take his outstretched hand into yours, feeling the what you once thought was fairytale like sparks as you touch.

"It's nice to meet you."

He says, looking directly into your eyes.

"You too."

The two of you stand there for a moment, almost mezmerized by eachother before Hery breaks the silence.

"Big dinner plans tonight?"

He asks, looking into your cart to see steaks and potatoes with some vegetables.

"Oh, um, no just shopping for the week. Honestly, I'll probably just order in tonight."

You answer honestly with a shrug at the last part.

"Well, that wont do. I know we just met but would you like to have dinner with me tonight? I could cook for us at my place."

Your heartbeat rises at the offer, not fully believing what you had just heard.

"I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble."

You didn't want to say no but as he had pointed out, you had just met.

"No trouble at all."

He takes your list and pen from your hand and jots down his address and phone number then hands it back to you.

"My place. 6PM."

He smiles, grabbing a few of the apples next to you and going off on his way to finish his shopping.

You stand in silence, replaying the events that had just taken place in your head.

"Excuse me."

You are brought out of your thoughts when a kind older woman taps you on the shoulder to get your attention.

"I'm sorry."

You reply, grabbing what you need quickly and moving out of her way.

After paying for your groceries, you head home and begin getting ready, more than once talking yourself out of going but finally decide that your meeting was ment to be and you wanted to see what happened next.

#henry cavill #henry cavill one shot #henry cavill x reader #cocos stories

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mxchellesworld · 4 years ago

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Attraction and Repulsion

Harry Styles x Reader

Synopsis; Where Harry is too much of an asshole for a proper relationship but too good in bed for you to leave

Warnings; mean!harry, arguments, name calling, smut, unprotected sex, creampies, degradation, impact play, choking,

a/n; harry styles fans come get yall juice!! ok i wont lie this kinda seems all over the place but i like it anyways. hope yall enjoy and please send some feedback:)

***

You thought it was real funny. It was absolutely hilarious how the whole world saw Harry as a sweet lad who wears big trousers and has fun nails. But you saw him for who he really was. Harry Styles was mean. Plain and simple.

But you loved it.

And as much as you tried to deny it, you both knew it was true. You were like magnets. When you weren’t absolutely repulsed by one another, starting an argument, you were wrapped up in each others sheets feeling the strongest attraction you’d ever felt for another person.

You were always stuck in a limbo of back and forth. Arguments and name calling over the phone leading to quick hang ups and the eventual knock on the door signaling he was there to deal with you the only way he knew how to put you in your place.

You were drawn to him like a moth to flame. And just like you, he was also too stubborn to admit that he’d want anyone else but you. No matter how cocky he got flaunting the fact that he could get any person in the world with just a smile and wink, he knew he’d never actually do it.

Under all the petty acts and insults there was the smallest bit of adoration he held for you and you only.

You had been lounging around your apartment when your phone chimed. It was one of your girlfriends sending you a link to a newspaper article. You hadn’t bothered to look at the title on the message before clicking on it and seeing the large cover photo on your screen.

Right there Harry and some model getting cozy after his last show. Big bold letters on the teen magazine reading ‘HARRY STYLES AND NEW BAE???’. You audibly scoffed.

It wasn’t like he was your boyfriend so you couldn’t really do much about it, you thought ignoring the small sting in your chest. Shaking off the feeling you skimmed the rest of the article then replied to the message, “she is kinda hot, maybe he’ll give me her number lol”

With that you threw your phone on the other side of the couch and started to get up. It was 3pm a little too early in your book to start drinking at home and especially too early to start letting him ruin your day.

Maybe it was time to start looking at other people. You were hot and single, living in a big city with other hot singles, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find someone to get in a stable relationship with or at the bare minimum a good fuck for the night.

So you did what anyone else does and picked up your phone once again, going straight to the app store. Right on the front page was tinder and just for good measure you added bumble. Making the accounts were easy enough but selecting the pictures for your profile was tricky. You wanted a good amount of selfies and body shots. Cute pictures but also something risky enough to catch the eye.

Soon enough you were already swiping and giggling to yourself about the future prospects you had lined up. Meanwhile in a city about a few hundred miles from you Harry was sitting with a frown on his scowl on his face in the same predicament you were in earlier that day.

He was in his hotel room packing up and getting ready to head back home when his phone chimed. He looked over to see if it was his manager or someone from crew with any updates on departure times however it was one of his close friends.

At first he was expecting a sports update or an invitation to go to a bar when he got back but instead it was a screenshot of your tinder profile. When had you gotten that? he thought to himself.

It wasn’t like he could get mad since he knew he didn’t treat you the best. But that was just your dynamic, deep down you both cared for each other and even then it made for the best sex of his life.

Looking back down at the glowing screen he swiped through the few screenshots he was sent. Various pictures of you out with friends. The one that got him was a picture of you in the bathtub, your body was covered by the porcelain yet just enough of your chest just was showing in the mirror as you gave the camera your best sultry look.

Yet the real kicker was the bio where you included him in your top artists. He scoffed and shook his head, biting his lip as he clicked out from the messages app. Instead he called up his manager to get him on the fastest plane back home. If the blood wasn’t rushing to his face he knew he’d be hard as a rock but for now he’d save that frustration for when he saw you.

You knew tinder hookups were easy to get but you didn’t know just how easy. After spending the day scrolling away, putting your phone down for food and subtle chores you landed a ‘date’, which you really knew was ‘lets get tacos before we fuck on my couch’.

You had planned to meet at 8pm at some restaurant by your house. At 6:30 you started to get ready slowly, taking your time in the shower, shaving, the works. You had your music connected to a speaker getting yourself excited for the night.

Who wouldn’t be? You needed this. This was your time to get all dolled up and get to cum from someone other than yourself or the man who makes the vein in your forehead pop when you think about him.

You put on your sweet smelling lotion and head to your closet looking for an outfit. It was starting to get warm so you settled for a black t-shirt dress that fell to mid thigh with tan heeled booties. You pulled out a jean jacket to put on top in case it was windy.

After finishing your hair and makeup, it was nearing 7:30 and you were back on your couch fixing up the pillows and picking up any misplaced items in case the night led you back to your place. Suddenly you heard a knock on your door, the same hard 3 rasps which only meant one person.

Your heels clicked on the hard wood as you made your way to the door, unlocking it and opening it halfway, “What do you want Harold,” you said unamused.

“You look pretty,” he said pushing past you, ignoring the annoyance in your tone.

“Wish I could say the same about you. Now what do you want? I’m busy and I have to leave soon,” you said rolling your eyes.

He took a seat on your previously neat couch, spreading his legs and putting his arms up on the back. The way he looked you up and down sent chills up your spine, “What did you get a date that quick? The internet works wonders doesn’t it love”, he said rolling his neck.

“How did you know abo- actually I don’t care. As a matter of fact I do have a date and I’m meeting him soon so if you don’t mind leaving,” you said picking up your jacket and purse, “Why don’t you call that one girl from your show? She probably misses you.”

He let out a short laugh before pushed on his knees to stand back up, “Ah I see what this is. You’re jealous and you think going on a little date with some nobody would hurt me.” The cockiness was just seeping out of him.

“Pull your head out of your a-,” you started before he cut you off.

“No no you’re gonna listen to me angel. We may not be together but you belong to me. No one else can ever touch you or fuck you as well as I can,” he said leaning in to whisper in your ear.

It was almost sad how easily he could have you crumbling. Just then your phone dinged. It was a message from the guy, Danny? You couldn’t remember at this point.

“Answer it sweatpea, tell him you can’t make it.”

You were really debating it. On one side this could be your chance to finally tell Harry to fuck off but on the other you knew it would be hard to replace him and you weren’t even sure you completely wanted to. That was a whole other layer of emotions to dig through.

You looked back up at Harry, one of his curls falling into his eyes which were filled with lust. The way his tongue peeked out to slip over his pink lips gave you the answer you needed.

“Fuck,” you whispered unlocking your phone. Quickly you typed out a half ass apology about your sister needing you to babysit, even though she lived out of state, he didn’t need to know.

After you hit send your phone was quickly plucked from your grasp and pushed into Harry’s pocket. You didn’t think much about it when his lips pressing onto yours was acting as a great distraction.

He pulled away lightly mumbling a “taste like strawberries”. If you weren’t so turned on you would’ve giggled.

You moaned into his mouth pulling him by his loose button up shirt into your bedroom. It was a routine you had almost perfected at this point with little stumbling or need to grab onto the walls as a guide to make sure neither of you hit any corners.

Your lips never left each others in the feverish mess of kisses. Each one making you grow needier and needier. Your fingers worked quickly in trying to get the buttons on his shirt undone. You felt his warm ones wrap around yours halting your movements.

“Not so fast, you think I’m gonna let you off easy for what you did today?”

You huffed out, “You did the same-”, again he cut you off.

“I get to do whatever I want because you know who I am,” he finished trailing his thumb over your bottom lip, slowly tugging it down. All you could do was nod.

“Say it then.”

“Harry Styles,” you whispered out.

You could see his pupils get bigger with each syllable. It was his favorite thing, the power, the dominance. He got off on his own name. But so did you, the thought alone made you clench your thighs as you were in the moment.

His hand came up and tapped on your cheek, a small implication of what you knew he could do, “You’re gonna have to be louder than that lovie. Don’t worry though I’ll let you try again later.”

He backed you up until your legs hit the bed, pushing you down. You slowly crawled back, pulling your jacket and dress off as he worked on his belt and pants. You made quick work of kicking off your boots and settled into the plush sheets.

“Hurry up Styles. I think Danny could’ve made me cum at least twice now,” you said sliding a hand down to your panties. That move would bite you in the ass but the risk was worth it.

You let out gasps at the touch of your fingertips, moving your hips, doing anything to put on a show and hopefully have him give you what you wanted quicker.

He eagerly got on the bed, trapping you under his knees. His hands quickly ripped yours away from where you needed them most, pinning them over your head. He leaned down, face inches from yours until you shared the same breathe.

“You just want to be punished don’t you? Don’t worry I’ll help you get it through that stupid little slutty brain of yours,” he finished with a sadistic smile.

You nodded frantically moaning out pleases. His hand came down on your cheek, the chill of his rings pressed against the now warm skin on your face. His nails raked down until his hand was snuggly hugging your neck.

You tilted your head back giving him more room to squeeze and mark as he pleased, “Please Harry, want you to fuck me already.”

He tutted his lips giving your neck one last squeeze before he pulled away. “I think we should work on your patience,” he said moving down to your spread legs.

His warm hands pulled on the lace fabric on your hips, scoffing at the visible wet patch, “Don’t tell me this was all for old Danny-boy.”

“No Harry its all for you,” you mewled as he let his fingers swipe through your folds. It was evil how he was leisurely propped up between your legs teasingly circling your aching bud, switching between blowing on it and nipping at it.

You already felt the tears springing in the corners of your eyes. So little was doing so much. Just a little more and you could cum right then and there. And he knew it too.

“Oh you better not cum. I’m not gonna be very forgiving if you do,” he trailed off almost laughing. He never let up, quick circles on your bud making your body tense up.

“Ple- no.. oh god Harry,” you whined out. You felt your juices gushing out of you as you reached your peak. He never let up on his motions, going even faster on your overstimulated clit.

“God you’re so pathetic. Such a whore you just had to cum,” he punctuated with a slap right on your pussy.

At this point you were sobbing. Your head was swimming in the pleasure. You tried to apologize but the words weren’t coming together, just broken whimpers and mixes of sorry’s.

His hand came down on your sensitive cunt two more times, each one had you trying to close your legs but he was quick to keep them open with a bruising grip.

“Please.. Harry.”

“Please what?” he said taking in your shivering frame.

“Please fuck me! Want you to cum inside me, mark me so everyone knows i’m yours!” you spoke out breathlessly.

Quickly he flipped your over, pulling your hips up so that your pussy was on display for him. He groaned as he swiped the tip of his weeping pink cock over your already puffy folds.

With a long stroke he filled you completely. Your nerves were on fire and he hadn’t even started. His rough hands grabbed onto your hips for leverage on his thrusts.

“Fuck you’re so tight. Such a good little whore just for me to ruin,” he gritted out. He kept a steady pace, quick and deep making sure to hit your sweet spot each time.

Your nails were digging into the pillows for dear life. Eyes shut closed as your mouth fell in silent screams and jumbled phrases of pleasure. The only thing on your mind was HarryHarryHarry.

“Wanna cum again.. oh my god.. Plesse Harry fill me up! I need to feel it,” you said arching your back further. You felt each vein slide along your spongy walls making sure to clench around him and milk him for all he was worth.

His grip on your never let up. He let his hand come down on your ass cheek. Once again the rings contrasting the heat radiating off of you, “That’s it cum for me baby. I want you to scream my name when you do. Can you do that love? Shit , tell me who fucks you this good? Who’s cum do you want spilling inside you?”

You all but screamed a “Harry Styles” letting your neighbors know just who was with you that night, nights before, and nights to come.

The sweet noises and screams of his name had Harry’s cock pulsing inside you, ready to burst at any moment.

One look down at where you connected and he was sent right to heaven. Your cute little pussy creaming right on his cock had him shooting his load deep inside you.

You both gasped and groaned at the feeling of him filling you to the brim. He stilled his motions and you all but collapsed onto your bed.

You felt him lean down once again, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear before whispering, “You think Danny could’ve done that?”

#harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #chellewrites

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xoxo-nikki-xoxo · 4 years ago

Text

First time

Jacob Black × female reader

Prompt number 44: "Are you sure? Once I start I-I don't know if I can stop "

Warning: Smut at the end.

------------------------------------------

“Y/n.... “ he mumbles softly waiting for you to come back into your room. You where currently in your bathroom trying to rack threw your brain. You want, no you needed this is so perfect. Its Jacob fucking Black if you weren’t perfect you would die. Did you shave yourself? Everywhere like you remind yourself to? Put perfume and deodorant on? It was just 6 months ago he told you have you where his imprint. Soulmate was I think the word he used to compare it too. But its so different i’m only 18 and i’m about to comment myself to him. To our future together... If I mess up he-

“I can hear your heart rate pick up I- uh-” He chokes on the last part of the sentence

“o great... i’m hideous aren’t I? I was trying to make sure tonight went absolutely perfe-”

“You are perfect, I choked because of how beautiful you are to me” Jacob cuts you off. He approach’s you wrapping his arms around your waist, one hand going up to your cheek to push hair out of your face. “I wish you could see yourself threw my eyes sometimes..You would understand then just how much i love you, just how much you mean to me, just how perfect you are for me.” He leans in pressing his lips gently against yours.

“Are you sure you want to do this tonight...?” Your question is barely above a whisper

“Of course I want you... You have no clue just how much i love you... even if we’ve only been together for 6 months that’s 26 weeks, 183 days, and 4380 hours I've been either with you or thinking about you... I know it sounds a little cheesy but I want you today, tomorrow, next week.. I want you for the rest of my life..” Jacob says, his foreheads resting on top of yours as you gaze into his eyes. You smile when he starts saying how hes always gonna want to have you.

“Keep talking to me like that Jacob you just might have me forever” You say as you kiss him. All those fears you had are out the window. He washed away your fears and you where happy to have him. “Let’s move this party to the my bed huh?” You say smiling as you push him gently to the exit of your bathroom that attached to your bedroom. He smiles into the kiss deciding to pick you up and carry you the rest of the way. He lays you down taking his shirt off before he crawls up on her kissing her.

“Are you sure you want this? Once I start I-I don’t know if i can stop” Jacob stumbles on his words as he look down in your eyes.

“ Yes i’m sure, just be gentle with me please..”You reply, his eye soften up as he watches you. He kiss you again being gentle like you asked him to be.

“ Ill always be gentle for you my love” Jacob says kissing you, his lips traveling down your jaw to your neck. It his favorite part of your body, your neck. Just something about the way you giggle when he kisses your sweet spot melts his heart. He runs his hand up the sides of you body he sits up and so do you. He pulls your shirt up and off of you. He smiles admiring your upper body.

“You beautiful so beautiful..” He whispers more to himself than to you. Smiling you reach behind yourself to take your bra off.

“ I want you Jacob... All of you” You tell him getting enough courage to push him down on his back. You get up straddling his lap kissing him like your life depends on it. His hands go to your hips as you continue your make out session. Your hips rock against his growing bulge. It causes you to giggle the more and more you feel him getting harder.

“ Don’t tease me... It’s like torture when you do.” He says

“ Well lets hurry this up” You joke with him you sit up more so you can shimmy off your bottoms of your PJ shorts.

“Slow down wild cat. I want to make this special for you... Sense you know its your first time.” Jacob says watching as you undress yourself. He’s slowly losing control though... But he reminds himself about how it is about you and not him.

After some more foreplay your in missionary position. Hes gazing into your eyes hand caressing his face.

“ Its going to hurt at first okay.. But soon it wont hurt anymore, and hopefully I can even make it pleasurable for you” Jacob says as he starts prepping your face with kisses. As he is doing this he is slowly pushing into you. His girth stretching you out like you’ve never been before. This pain causes you to bite your lip in an attempt to muffle your moans

“ No one told me you would be so big..” you moaned as your nails dug into his shoulders. He was all the way in now, you could feel him in your stomach.

“And no one told me you would be so tight” he grunted out into your neck as he pulled out and went right back in. After about five good thrusts the pain started to fade away and it got pleasurable. Pleasurable enough you started to moan out his name as his hips rocked into you.

“I love you so much” He tells you as he moves his lips up to kiss you.

“Don’t stop, god your making me feel so good” You tell him as he picks his pace up. The feeling in your stomach starts to grow stronger as you are approaching your climax.

“Don’t hold back baby... I’m close too” Jacob tells you as his lips connect to your. He picks up one of your legs as he starts to pound his way into you. You moan again your back arching as you cling onto Jacob.

Before you know it though your orgasm hits you. It rocks threw your body as soon after your realize you feel him cum too. Jacobs pulling out after a few seconds. His breathing heavy as he turns his head to look at you. You look at him too smiling as you roll to your side to cuddle into his side. Sleep slowly taken over you as you enjoy his warmth and the sweet nothings he is whispering to you.

------------------------------

Tag list for Twilight

@theepartygetsmewetter @randomxstuffx @honestlyyaya @cullens-stuff

If you wanted to be added to my tag list just send in an ask and ill add you.

#twilight #wolf pack twilight #jacob black #jacob black imagine #jacob black one shot #jacob black fluff #Jacob black smut

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balkanradfem · 4 years ago

Text

So I've talked before about my burning desire to go and build a separatist tribe of women in nature, preferably in forest next to a mountain or somewhere far out so that nobody would bother us. I've been keeping on building that dream in my head, but also in many practical ways, trying to prepare myself for it. This tribe would have to function out of capitalism, off grid, without the use of money or even electricity, unless one day I figure out how to produce some. So we use only technology that is not harmful to nature and produce everything we need to survive.

It sounds so surreal, but it's not a particularly wild idea, because humans have been doing this for millenia and lived, I presume, with way less of their population depressed and suicidal. It wasn't more than 80 years ago humans lived without electrity or modern commodities, my 85yo neighbour can still remember bathing in collected rainwater and washing the clothes in the river. (Don't worry, we wont have to wash the clothes in the river, I found a way.)

So what I'm proposing is in fact, far more reasonable, climate conscious and healthy than living in capitalism, only problem is: It's less convenient.

We're to assume it's convenience that brings us comfort and happiness, but I'm about to propose a counter-argument: It's not. It's boring and makes everything very impersonal and unsatisfactory. I can tell, but only because I've been shifting into that inconvenient, more-effort-put into survival kind of life. And, it's been a very fun, weird time.

So as you can see by my posts, I've been learning to grow food and to make meals from self-grown food only, and eating feels different. It's far from impersonal when you bring a handful of seeds into life, then harvest and store and eat that; you know where this food has been. You know the food's story and it's been interlaced with your own story to the point where it's no longer something you consume, you have memories with that food. It means something to you. And, it's way, WAY harder to throw it away. You do not waste what you build up from scratch.

I've also been venturing into other self-sustaining missions, like, cleaning products and preserving resources as you would in nature, figuring out hygiene without capitalism, and this is where my life got weird. If I wanna wash my hair, I go and make tea, then wash my hair in that. Funny snippet, lemon balm tea actually darkens your hair the more you use it, people in my life now legit think my hair is black, it's not! It's brown but the herb made it so dark nobody can tell. I've since found out there are also herbs that make your hair lighter, or even give it a blue-ish glow! That is way fun. Washing hair like this is a more effort than shampoo, but I feel different about it. Proud I did that, or just happy I never have to buy a shampoo maybe.

If I wanna do laundry I'll go and cut open some conkers, since I still have a bag of unprocessed ones and they work as a detergent. If I wanna clean something I use vinegar I infused with orange peel, it smells amazing. If I need to go to the bathroom I'll skip on toilet paper and use family cloth. Now what is that? I actually heard someone on youtube say that word and researched it and found out that before toilet paper, people used rectangular strips of white cloth, to clean themselves, and they were all washed so it was reusable and wasted no resources since you could cut any old cotton shirt into strips and use it. Now a lot of people react with 'ewww' but hear me out: you don't use it for number two unless you have a washing liquid to immediately throw it into (I don't), and, do you throw away any underwear that you've used just once? They get about as filthy as that and then you put them thru boil cycle in the washing machine, they take so little space inside it's forgettable, and you can use them forever. I actually only had to buy toilet paper once, this entire year. 10/10. Also, extremely comfy and soft to use. If anyone wondered.

I also cook my food in weird ways, mostly having it wrapped in towels instead on a stove top, I rarely heat any bathroom water and either use cold or I also discovered I love heating a pot of water and just spilling it over myself instead of showering, it feels so good! It's so gentle and pleasant, showers are agressive and mean in comparison, it's like they hate you and are trying to spray you away. Water gently spilling from a pot on your body loves you and wants you to be happy and experience pleasure and love.

So I'm not trying to brag too much here but I haven't visited a grocery store in two months (figured out how to buy flour directly from the company lol) and maybe visited them 7 times this year altogether, isn't that kinda wild? And yes I'm giving myself a little star for good pandemic behaviour. I earned that. I just seem to not need stuff anymore unless they're oil and flour and maybe some salt and sugar. And it wasn't ... that hard. I mean okay, poverty and general anxiety are fueling my behaviour for sure, but it feels very much like... it's not that impossible to do without stuff, if you're crazy stubborn and don't have many alternatives.

I've also been prepairing for this life in a savage hermit hoarder type of matter; I've collected jars obsessively, stored every little produce net or bag that anyone brought to my place, I collect dumb promotional newspapers to start fires with in the future, and I can make baskets out of it, I stored every plastic cup or container ever because I can grow seedlings in those, I collected all seeds in any way available to me, I don't throw away any fabric anymore bc I can sew new things, any soft and spongy textured thing is stored to make seating space on future chairs and cushions, and I value every bit of knowledge coming my way only in regard to how it could help me survive.

I haven't figured out the medicinal side of this, or the social aspect, but at this point it feels very wrong for me to be in a city, renting out an apartment, and then living half like a little savage on the side and refusing to go to the store. I should be in my little cob house dammit, and cooking in my cauldron on top of a fire. I should be bathing in rainwater and have plants on every surface of my home. I should have soil available to grow all my food. And optimally have a big swing and a tree house and an obstacle course in the forest. I wanna drink water that I discovered in a spring or collected from rain and filtered with the coal I made. I wanna know how earthen floors feel under my bare feet.

So anyways, how many of you'd wanna join a tribe where we live in cob houses and tell stories around a fire and change our hair color with tea and presumably spill water over each other because hygiene is important? Also we never shave or care abt how our faces look and we shed the light onto downfall of capitalsm because I feel like, if we all (the population) just bought flour, oil sugar and salt, a lot of things would go down super fast.

#separatism #female separatism #prepairing for separatism #self sustaining life #eco friendly #sustainable living #anti capitalism

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khaleesiofalicante · 3 years ago

Note

OK I GOT 5 HOURS OF SLEEP LAST NIGHT WHICH IS PRETTY OK IG (I did stay up to read the fic-) BOTH MY TESTS WENT LIKE SHIT, I HAD AN ANXIETY ATTACK IN PROGRAMMING CLASS BECAUSE BY TEACHER IS A LITTLE SHIT WHO KEPT ON YELLING AT ME WHEN I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND SOMETHING AND I SPENT LUNCH ALONE BUT AT LEAST NOW IM ALONE WITH MY LAPTOP SO YAYAYAYYA

first of all, this chapter right here is my comfort chapter from now on. i said what i said. I will be rereading it again and again just because i can. it was PERFECTION

here's me going crazy at 2 am yesterday.

MAGNUS' CHAPTER

LET'S GO LET'S GO LET'S GO

AHHHHHHH IT'S THEIR ANNIVERSARY

SCREAM

alec shaved his beard because it made him look older

RAFAEL WAS SO UPSET AFTER THE MEXICO ATTACK BECAUSE OF ANJALI RIGHT??

magnus and alec are the oblivious parents istg

“Are you decent?” Max yelled. “I don’t want to be traumatized again.”

“Hey! We agreed not to talk about that!” Alec yelled back.

Im not even surprised at this point

“Happy anniversary, bapa!” Rafael kissed him on the cheek and handed him the flowers.

“Where are my flowers?” Alec asked.

Rafael plucked a rose from the bouquet and threw it at Alec. “Here you go.”

“Thanks, son,” Alec mumbled.

IM WHEEZING

DAVID BAKES

“David made it,” Max said shyly. "

Oh,” Alec replied and then shrugged. “Well, the icing could be a little sweeter I think.”

Ever since Max started dating, Alec had become incredibly protective. Alec liked David of course – it was impossible to find someone who didn’t. But that didn’t mean Alec approved.

And it didn’t help that the blond boy was absolutely terrified of Alec.

ALEC STOP TEASING HIM

THE BOY IS ALREADY SCARED

“I don’t know,” Alec analysed the card. “David used too much glitter.”

“Since when do you have a problem with excessive glitter?” Max demanded.

ALEC

“I didn’t use him!” Max huffed. “He was thoroughly compensated for his efforts!”

“Compensated how?” Alec asked.

“Uh,” Max said. “With donuts.”

when i saw donuts i immediately thought of rose and luisa from jtv

iykyk

but should i continue the show? i got tired of jane continuously embarrasing herself

“You expect us to follow rules?” Alec asked in surprise. “In our own home? On our anniversary?”

The warlock boy grinned wickedly before leaning close to Alec.

“You better do it, or I will tell everyone about your secret,” Max whispered.

Alec blinked at that.

the secret...

I DONT LIKE HOW MANY THINGS POPPED INTO MY HEAD

is highschool musical that bad? i havent watched it. should i?

what if i cried

i just wanna hug alec??? but i cant say it'll be ok because it wont

“Is that why you are not attending?” Magnus grinned at his friend. “Or is it because you are terrified of Georgia?”

“That child is the reincarnation of Christopher Lightwood!” Ragnor complained. “I heard she made explosives out of demon ichor! Who makes explosions out of demon ichor?”

RAGNOR IS PROBABLY GETTING FLASHBACKS

THESE STUPID FUCKING BITCHES

how tf do you think we have survived huh??

medicine that's how

vaccines, anti biotics and what not

stop being close-minded and fucking do it

ok i know the risk is great

BUT OTHERWISE THEY ALL DIE

it was different for warlocks. The Shadow World was their universe. The nephilim kept it safe. At one point in their lives, they had learned to coexist with them, out of necessity and out of obligation.

And now here they were – working together in the name of friendship and love.

how things change...

what

say what

the causes are what

ok let's not jump to conclusions

im fucking crying wtf

alec doesnt deserve this shit

all he's done is make the world a better place

hes worked so hard on this

RAZIEL CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF

what am i supposed to say to my parents if one of them comes to check on me and im sitting here crying at 2 am

He didn’t want to believe in a reality that would punish Alec. Alec who only wanted to do what is good and right.

Alec was who was losing his hope and strength every passing day. Alec who was struggling. Alec who was turning to desperate measures to cope with all the stress.

please alec

no please

THE ANGELS ARE BITCHES

Because if Magnus found out Raziel was the one causing all this pain for Alec, he would march up to heaven and set the bastard on fire himself.

AND I'LL GO WITH HIM

KNEW THE SPY WAS LIVVY

AWW RAGNOR LIKES SELENA THATS SO SWEET

blue and gold

STOP IT IM CRYING AGAIN

The shadowhunter was a good influence on him. Magnus hoped Alec would see it sooner rather than later.

HUH

HUHU

HUH

omg

GIGI GETTING A SIBLING

“Max isn’t allowed to do a lot of things,” Magnus chuckled. “But he does them anyway.”

thats my boi

GASP

]THE NECKLACE

rafael is growing into the consul voice

they grow up so fast

nope nope he's still the little 5 year old

voice cracking what do you mean he's 20

im glad hes happy with mila. or is he...?

Magnus had deduced as much. Alec lived in his beautifully oblivious world. But Magnus noticed.

He noticed the hickeys. He noticed the late-night visits. He noticed the tense phone calls.

well thank god there's at least one non-oblivious person (alec i love you so much but you are very very oblivious)

“What’s stopping you then?” Magnus asked.

"2554 miles,” Rafael chuckled sadly.

me with all my online friends

probably more miles

Magnus tried to do the math but promptly gave up.

But Alec did lie though. Magnus pushed the thought away.

NOT NOW

LET ME LIVE IN PEACEFUL OBLIVION

HUSH

“Except melt it?” Rafael chuckled.

“Yes,” Magnus chuckled back. “As you can see, the bar is extremely low in the Lightwood family.”

AHHIUCCDSKUHDCV

i have no clue what the words describing the outfit are

time to google

OK PRETTY

Fifteen years. Fifteen years of loving and Alec still made his heart stutter.

dont do this to me right now I WILL CRY

“What the hell?” Max exclaimed. “Why are you all dressed up?”

“In case you haven’t noticed, it’s my anniversary,” Alec chuckled.

Max-

Fifteen years. Fifteen years and Magnus still took Alec’s breath away.

HJCSDHJBJDHSGCDYGJVVC JHVDFYMJ

it's not funny MY EYES ARE WATERING

“Bapak is a good looking one in the family,” Rafael pointed out. “You are the chaotic one and I am the smart one.”

“What am I then?” Alec asked dryly. “A sack of potatoes?”

“You’re the sexy one,” Magnus grinned. “A sexy sack of potatoes.”

yes.

Alec grinned back and leaned forward. Magnus put his hands around Alec’s neck and kissed him. He kissed Alec with all the love he had inside his heart.

Just like the first time. Just like the hundredth time. Just like the thousandth time.

Because with Alec, every kiss mattered. Every single one.

muffled sob

“Stop making out, oh my god!” Max groaned.

Magnus sensed a pillow coming their way but Rafael caught it before it hit them.

“Max, stop!” Rafael scolded. “You will wrinkle dad’s suit and ruin bapak’s hair! I spent hours ironing both!”

why is max me when i see people display affection in front of me

ALSO RAFAEL HKUIUIDCSKIHUDFVHJDFVHU

“They are here,” Rafael said. “You two better look exactly the way you did when I left with Max or I will raise hell.”

IM SCREAMING

Selena was wearing a blue crop top with the words “MIND YOUR OWN UTEREUS” written in gold.

i need that top

DAVID'S SHIRT IS THE COLOR OF MAX'S MAGIC

AHH ISABELLE DOESNT KNOW SHE'S PREGNANT YET

The argument of “who gave the best gift” had started when Jace and Izzy had gotten drunk on vodka. It didn’t help that Alec had gotten drunk as well. All three Lightwood siblings had then proceeded to have an argument about who had the best spouse. The whole night had been drunken chaos. Magnus, Clary and Simon had let them have it since the Lightwood siblings had a tendency to carry the world on their shoulders even when nobody asked them. They rarely ever let loose ever since their worlds had plunged into sickness and demon attacks. Especially Alec. So, Magnus had let his husband be that 18-year-old boy again. The boy who got drunk and fought with his siblings and sang songs about Magnus’ pretty eyes.

OH MY GOD THE CHAOS

Georgia considered that. “I’m not allowed to melt it, right?”

“No,” they all replied in chorus.

LET GIGI MELT IT

SELENA IM SO PROUD OF YOU

“Dad,” Max said. “Can you keep a picture of me wearing this necklace in your office?”

“Why?” Rafael asked.

“I think it will piss off the boomers,” Max giggled.

“Nice!” Lexi grinned. “A downworlder wearing a shadowhunter heirloom? They will lose their heads. Uncle Alec, you must do it.”

“I will do you one better. I will hang a tapestry,” Alec chuckled.

YASSS I CANT WAIT FOR THE SHADOWHUNTERS TO BE PISSED

AWW THEY DIDNT KNOW THE NECKLACE USED TO BELONG TO MAGNUS

he actually gave to camille first-

Why couldn’t this boy just cause chaos during his travel year like the rest of them? Why did he actually study and do his research as recommended?

why would you NOT study and research during your travel year????

oh shit

well well well

david bby stfu

i love you but pls stop speaking for all our sakes

“Holy shit,” Max said. “It is expensive then!”

“Don’t pawn the ruby!” Rafael warned.

MAX NO-

OH THE STONE COMES FROM EDOM

oh no

pls dont fight

oh so i was wrong about magus confronting him from that snippet

all you need to know is im sobbing right now and grammarly is the only thing making this coherent

dont mind me just

NO I FORGOT ABOUT MAX AND DAVID

GET BACK IN THE ROOM YOU IDIOTS

don't do this to me at 3 am

OK THE DILF PART

thank you for adding light into my life again

(me while editing this: today really isn't my day huh? i just slipped in rainwater outside my balcony because I heard rain and ran there. now my knee and back hurt and I think I sprained (?) my toe-

ANYWAY

wait im gonna go check out the rain and then continue editing this

ok i got bored of the rain)

that made me laugh through my tears

“Objectively good looking?” Jace snorted. “Excuse you, but my parabatai is smoking hot! He is a freaking prize, okay? If we had a magazine for hot shadowhunters, you would be on the cover page. Every single issue.”

“Okay, that’s enough!” Alec interrupted. “Magnus, are you happy? Now all my friends have told me I am pretty.”

“I said smoking hot,” Jace corrected.

“We are not being biased,” Clary pointed out. “It is the general consensus, Alec.”

“It’s true,” Lexi said. “So many people have asked me for your number, Uncle Alec. And I would have given it to them if I wasn’t worried about being turned into a marshmallow.”

LEXI DUHDUGHUDFCUHKVDFUIKFDU

“Dad, I don’t know why you are so worried,” Max said in a bored tone. “You’re a told DILF.”

David choked on his champagne and Jace patted him on the back.

“What the hell is a DILF?” Alec demanded.

“Oh, I know this one!” Jace said excitedly. “It means Dashing and Irresistible Looking Father. Max is right, you are a total DILF.”

“Mr. Herondale-” David raised a hand.

“I heard one of the shadowhunters in their travel year calling me a DILF too,” Jace said proudly.

THAT IS NOT WHAT DILF MEANS OH MY GOD

“It’s not a rumour,” Selena spoke up and passed her phone. “There is a group chat at Scholomance just to thirst after you.”

add me to it

ALL THE COMMENTS I CANT BREATHE

“Alec Lightwood can run me over with a Maserati and I would thank him.”

“Give me that,” Izzy grabbed the phone and started giggling. “Petition for Consul Alec Lightwood-Bane to stab me with his mortal sword.”

“Isabelle!” Alec hissed, cheeks flaming. “Stop it!”

“I want one!” Jace grabbed the phone now. “By the Angel!”

“Read it!” the kids yelled in chorus.

“I would gladly let Consul Lightwood-Bane inspect my mortal instruments,” Jace chuckled and threw the phone at David.

David shook his head vehemently and threw it at Max.

“My body is just a hole for Alec Lightwood,” Max read out loud and started laughing so hard that he fell off his chair.

Lexi grabbed the phone and giggled. “I want the Consul to strip off my runes among other things.”

She passed the phone to Gigi, who looked at the phone and look at Alec.

“Uncle Alec,” the girl said. “This person wants you to crush them with your massive archer arms.”

“Give me that,” Rafael grabbed it now. “Aw, this one is a classic, dad. Alec Lightwood turned me gay.”

He threw the phone at Simon, who stared the screen and looked up. “Uh, I don’t think I can read this one out loud in front of the kids.

“Is this the one about the basement?” Selena chuckled and Simon nodded.

WHAT'S THE BASEMENT ONe

TELL ME

AWW GIGI AND LEXI PUTTING MAKEUP ON DAVID AND MAX RECORDING IT

google translator time

oooo Rafael's gonna talk with Mila

Magnus you're such a good father

seriously

“Sometimes things are just sad. So, you need to let yourself be sad.”

YES

SAY IT LOUDER

THEY ARE UNDER THE BED

AHHH MAX AND DAVID

DAVID CALLED HIM MY ANGEL IN FRENCH

Alec and Magnus hiding under the bed and spying on them is just-

Jace had tried to give Max the shovel talk and had gotten a little too emotional.

of course, he did smh I love him so much

“David doesn’t need a shovel talk,” Alec smiled. “He knows what would happen to him if he hurts my son.”

David gulped. “You will throw me into the silent city?”

“I will ask me husband to portal you to hell,” Alec said – Consul Voice. “We have relatives there.”

the beloved relatives yes

“Goodnight,” Jace gave them a salute. “Have fun inspecting Magnus’ mortal instruments.”

JACE

OH SO THE QUESTION WAS ABOUT SMOKING

damn it

oh my god guys he said he'll stop smoking

just lemme have this moment

my boy's lungs will be intact

HIS LUNGS WILL BE OK

“I can’t wait to see all the messages on the chat after that,” Magnus giggled.

Alec looked up. “I’m more than a tall glass of water, Magnus!”

SCREAMING

In his dream, he saw them again. But they weren’t smiling this time.

what

wait

THE PROPHETIC DREAMS

nope nope nope

Nah I don't know what you're talking about

haha

damn, I think I really hurt my back...

OK BUT THE IMMORTALITY ANGST???? WAS SO SO GOOD???? I know it makes me cry but is it bad that I'm always so excited for angst written by you because of HOW GOOD it is????

"When I die I will love you from my grave" I NEED THIS ON MY FOREHEAD OH MY GOD I LOVE THESE TWO SO SO MUCH

alright I need to get something for my back and my knee (I'm home alone so this will be fun)

OK, I THINK THE NEXT CHP WILL BE ANJALI'S POV I JUST FEEL IT!!! I miss my girl so much I hope she's doing ok. Jaime too...

I'm rereading all of these chapters after chapter 10 because why not. Bye!!

OKAY I AM GLAD YOU LIKED IT BUT I AM ALSO DEEPLY WORRIED ABOUT YOUR HEALTH.

I hope your knee and back feels better soon!

also fuck that teacher yelling something doesn't make people understand it any better ugh dumb piece of shit anyway screw that person.

I hope you get some good rest and recovery from this rollercoaster of a day.

Take care!

#lbaf

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allforbtsu · 4 years ago

Text

Save My Seoul From Comfort | Chapter 1

Ot7 X Reader (eventually)

Summary: With nothing else left from your aunt but debt, you have no other choice but to start working as a prostitude. After all this time of loneliness, you may have found seven boys in the same situation as you who are set on changing all your lives.

Warning: This series might be distressing to some readers as it includes indirect description of sex trafficking and rape. I do not condone any scene that violates Human Rights, this is purely fiction and used to set light on an international issues.

Word Count: 2.8k

Genre: non-idol au, smut, fluff

Prologue

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The streets were full of life, people wandering everywhere, entering cafes, bars, and restaurants. It was a warm night, the air smelled of summer and fast food, and as you walked ahead the amount of lights that emanated from the stores gave you a sense of comfort. Contradicting the feeling that you had, feeling as if you had no other choice tightened your chest, the feeling of no escape, nowhere to run.

The store you were looking for could be seen from blocks away, luminescent, as if it metaphorically wanted to attract the flies to the fire. And there you were, walking through its doorstep with no other choice, with the necessity to comply with your needs.

Inside it was the complete opposite, the light provided barely allowed you to see the faces of the people, as if it wanted to hide away what was going on in the shadows. Clutching your belongings in one hand and the other tightly hidden in your jacket, you walked straight to the reception of the bar. Your aunt had given you clear instructions on what to do, walk to the reception, tell them your situation, and then they will see what they do with you from there.

“Hello,” You say awkwardly

The desk was sticky and had every kind of substance stuck into it, there were even some pieces of food on top of it that seemed to have seen better days. Behind it, two young people came and went, a girl and a boy. They took the customers orders and handed them out all at the same time, and in their hurry of keeping up they did not see you there.

“Umm...Hi!,” Your voice went a little bit higher, the girl looked your way, “Oh, I just wanted…”

Pressing her hand up in a waiting motion she shut you up. Puffing you sat down in one of the chairs, your backpack pressed to yourself in a comforting manner. Waiting for one of the waiters to help you, you observed the place. Even though it was as dark as it could be, you could see some different scenes going on.

Some tables were filled with boys not that much older than you, drinking and hollering between each other. Pretty sure their intentions after their meal, go to the back of the building and rent the cheapest girl back there and enjoy her for the night. Some other tables were filled with lonely older men who already had their companions for the night, caressing them and whispering in their ear.

You didn't know how to feel about the situation. You didn't have anywhere to go, no one to go to. Your aunt left a huge debt after her death and now that she's gone, you are the one by default to try and pay it out. Debt caused by the same establishment that you had walked in tonight. Housing debt and prepayment left you with what you have today, a debt that will just keep on growing and won't allow you to do anything else with your life. And you knew that, yet here you were, cause where else to go, what else to do. You didn't have a former education, not more than elementary school at least. It's this or nothing. It's also all that you know, what else would you be good at.

And as you stared uninterestedly to your surroundings a boy's voice brings you back.

“What do you need?” He asked right beside you.

The boy had slick black hair, his eyes were black, and had the fullest lips you had ever seen in your life. He was soft spoken, contradicting the atmosphere. His wide figure did not allow you to see behind him, nor others to see you, it was as if in a sense wanted to protect you from that place. You were more than thankful, for his wide shoulders didn't allow you to see the wandering stares from the people.

“My aunt sent me here, she said you could help”

The boys stare changed to one of concern, knitting his eyebrows together. His posture was rigid as he stared you down.

“You're no older than eighteen at least”

“I know, but I heard it wasn't a concern here,” You looked at his face, and between his eyes flashed a sense of helplessness. He nodded.

“Yes...Here, let me take you to the boss,” He let you stand up, “Allow me to take this for you,” He said referring to your backpack.

“Oh no, It's ok. It's not that heavy,” He nodded once again.

As he turned around and allowed you to follow him, you began to realize that this was actually happening and there was no turning back. He led you through the bars back door, and to your surprise there was a backyard with a long trail leading to the door of another rusty boulding. The night seemed more dark without the luminescent lights of the avenue, it looked trapping. Your hand began shaking, and you noticed that it became a little bit hard to catch your breath. The boy seemed to notice this as he looked back at you three times before he said something.

“My name is Jin, yours?” He smiled warmly.

You took a big breath before answering, the air getting stuck in your chest.

“y/n, nice to meet you,” You tried to smile, but a grimace came out.

“I know it is not my concern, but the aunt you told me about,” He began opening the door of the building for you, “Does she know you are here?,” He asked as you both entered, and the first thing that you see is a pair of stairs, two hallways at each of your sides. You looked at him and shook your head timidly. He opened his mouth…

“She died a few day ago”

He closed it rapidly, his eyes widening.

“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…”

“No no, it's ok. I understand the concern, but I dont have nowhere else to go, and I need a job and a place to stay, and this is the only option that offers both.”

“I understand. I also have nowhere else to go. Here, this way,” He said turning right. “Upstairs are the dorms. As I was saying… I have also nowhere else to go. I have been here for a while actually, maybe a year or so.”

You nodded as he walked you through the long hallway. The sound of both of your steps resonated in the isolated place.

“The boss accepts almost everyone that comes, so I guess you won't have a problem. So just know that i'm here if anything happens, ok? This is a rough industry. I won't shame you, I understand what led you here, so don't be afraid to come to me,” He halted.

“Are you also in the industry?”

“Yes and no. I mostly work at the bar, but I take any job the boss tells me to do. I have been rented to go to parties and act as if I was someone's partner, or even once to clean the house of a rich man in only boxers. There's some weird shit out there.”

“So you have never…? You know, had..?”

“Sex? To have sex in exchange of money? Yes, of course. No one escapes from that here. And get used to talking about it, it will take a little bit of the taboo off it. Oh, and here we are”

He said as he pointed behind where you two halted. It was a wood made door, as cheap as it could be, white as the rest of the walls. You stared at it for a few seconds, and turned back to look at Jin, who had a sad smile on his face.

“He's not the sweetest human or earth, nor the kindest, but is the only option you have. He wont do anything to you, I promise. He's just a little bit intimidating. I will be out here for when you finish, yeah?,”

“And the bar?” You asked pointing in the direction.

“I already finished my shift, now go,” He gently pushed you closer to the door.

“Knock” He said under his breath, slowly demonstrating it with his hand. You nodded.

After knocking softly on the door, you were met with silence. You turned to face Jin once again, but before you could do that, the door was janked wide open. A short but muscly man stood right in front of you, a half shaved mustache on his face and the soulless eyes you had ever seen.

“Yes?,” His voice sounded rusty, as if he did not wanted to speak at all.

“Hello! My name is y/n. Jin told me you are the boss?,” Silence, “So...I wanted to take up a job here, if it's possible.”

The man gestured to you inside. Looking behind you Jin nodded at you in comfort, and you went in. The room was as basic as it could be, just one table, two chairs on each side, a cabinet filled with papers and a window, nothing more.

“Take a seat. My name is Park Sunho. Now what exactly are your expectations of this place? Do you know what we do?”

“Yes...My aunt worked here”

That seemed to strike up his interest, as he leaned his body against the table.

“What was her name?”

“Kim Aeri”

The man nodded and stood up. His back was now turned to you, his hands searching something frantically on the cabinet. As he turned around, you could see one sack of papers in his hold. His posture was one of an old man, even though he was no more than fifty. His hands shook slightly as he helped himself to sit down again.

“You have debt,” He said uninterestedly, reading the papers he took out.

“Yes, that's why I came,”

“Ok, I'm gonna sign you up and you will be on the market from then on. Usually I will arrange the meetings for you until you get a hang of everything, until then you are under my supervision or one of the other managers.”

You gulped, anxiously realising what is going on. He took another look at the papers, knitting his eyebrows.

“The debt is several thousands won. I don't know how fast you are gonna be able to clear it out, it depends on how much money you can make me. You have two options”

He left the papers on the table and stared at you, leaning his body forward.

“You can live in one of the dorms, and not pay rent, but be on constant work hours, or go and rent an apartment somewhere else, which will make you take longer to pay out the debt, due to rent and less working hours, so you tell me.”

Without a second thought you answered.

“I would like to live in one of the dorms, please.”

He seemed pleased, that seemed to be the right answer.

“Ok, then. I'm gonna sign you up and specify your debt,” He opened a little notebook he had on the side of the desk, and started typing away, “The dorms are actually a room with a bathroom, so you will have to figure out the food thing on your own. We also don't have many of them, so you will have to share, man, woman, boy, girl, whatever, your luck.”

Your chest tightened even more as you sank down a little on your chair. Feeling helpless as you picked on the skin surrounding your nail.

“Name again?”

“Kim y/n”

“Right. Usually you also use the dorm to tend a client if they don't call you to meet up somewhere else. And because you are new, I will try to make sure you start working under my roof first. Okay, all set.”

He said standing up, allowing you to do so as well.

“Your dorm is 37B, shared. So good luck.”

You nodded as you headed to the door, desperate to get out and cherish Jin's comfort words, but before you could open the door, he cleared something out.

“If you once mention my work to the authorities, directly or indirectly, I will make sure your debt is tripled and you stay here the rest of your life to pay it out. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, sir,” You seemed to not be able to inhale any air anymore.

“Now go, Jin will show you the way to the dorm.”

As Sunho opened the door, you could feel his body even closer now. He smelled of dirt, as if he hadn't showered for days, and you were sure his breath almost smelled of the acid scent of alcohol. Jin stood there, facing the door, his stare long lost on the dirty patches on the walls. As he saw you walk out, a smile spread out on his face.

“Show her to her dorm Jin, it's 37B,” Before anything could be said, Suhon enclosed himself in the room again.

“Let's go,” Jin said, getting himself off the wall.

Putting your backpack with all your belongings on your back once again, you started following him. Down the hallways, up the stairs you went. The first floor already smelled different, there was a mixture of food, sweat and sex. You could hear the sound of fans, the sound of skin slapping, laughs, and if you paid attention to certain doors, there were wails of sorrow.

The dorms already seemed to be set on an alternative reality. Somewhere where nothing matters, where you're from, what you feel, what is your situation. Everything is set on one thing, offering a service and getting money in return, how you do it it doesn't matter.

Walking up one more set of stairs, on the second floor, two doors to the left, and besides the broken window, Jin stopped.

“Here we are, 37B,” He pointed to the metallic 37B on the door, “I'm actually two floors up, If you ever need anything, 53C. But you can also find me on the bar, almost every night and so. We will run into each other again, I promise.“

You puffed air out of your nose, rubbing your arms in comfort.

“Thank you Jin, really. But...do you know who I'm sharing it with?” You asked pointing to the door.

He shook his head.

“No, sorry. A lot of people come and go. I have my group, I stick to them, I trust them. I promise you will find your people.”

“How will I meet people here?”

Silence.

“Usually when you have to work with them for a client.”

“Oh..”

Jin laughed. His eyes getting smaller and his bread cheeks appearing. His hand brushed against your shoulder.

“I told you to get used to this. Try to find me when you're assigned your first client, ok?”

Nodding, you bid him goodbye. You didn't want to let him go, finding too much comfort in his presence, mostly in this new environment. Sighting softly, you put your hand on the door handle. Pushing forward once, your body hit against the door, breathing out, you turned the handle stronger and went forward. The door opened this time.

Inside two beds could be seen and one wardrobe. The walls were white, the paint coming off in some places, humidity tainting them. But what caught your attention immediately was the figure sitting on the window sill. There sat a boy, not much older than you, staring directly your way. His hair was black, curls in every way, his doe eyes shined under the soft lightbulb hanging from the roof. With his mouth a little bit opened, a little bit of smoke came out, making you aware of the cigarette on his hand. A hand which was covered in tattoos, contrasting the cleaness of his other arm, lackless of ink.

“You wanna come in?” He asked, leaving his cigarette on a hole in the wall.

When he stood up to come closer to you, you could see something you hadn't noticed, he was only in his boxers. When he realised your stare, he chuckled timidly and scratched his neck.

“I'm sorry, I didn't expect them to assign me a roommate so soon. I just attended one of my first clients.”

For the first time you observed the unmade bed in the room. Sheets and pillows tousled everywhere, some wet stains on the mattress. When you turned back to look at him, he was blushing even harder.

“Im sorry, I will clean it right away…”

“It's ok, no need to rush. The more we talk about it, the less taboo it is, right?”

The boy seemed to relax a little.

“Right. My name is jungkook, yours?”

“y/n”

He smiled.

“Well let me organize all of this, and you can get comfortable, put your things away and we can get started”

That seemed to startle you.

“Start what?” You softly asked.

“Your training period”

This new life was gonna be harder than you thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hi everyone! I hope you can enjoy this fic. Please like, roblog, comment, It means the world to me. Thank you so much for reading!🥰

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idyllicisms · 4 years ago

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Shaved my eyebrows off tonight and I just wanted to say: How the fuck did I let society trick me into thinking that I would look ugly or gross without eyebrows........ I feel so sexy and confident and I can't believe I ever thought "oh boy! Im gonna look so weird though!!! I'll never be able to look cute until I grow them back!!"

I think it partially has to do with the fact that I'm afab and it's been deeply ingrained in me, like most afab individuals, that women are supposed to look like ~women~ and anything that might jeopardize that isn't even worth trying. Every afab person I've talked to who wants to shave their head but wont have used the excuse that "their head might be shaped weird" or that they won't be able to look "pretty" and it makes me lose my mind!!!! Shaving my head was the best decision I ever made. As someone who's hair has always had a big tie to the amount of control I have in my life, getting rid of it and starting over put things in perspective for me. I loved it, but I think that even if I hadn't, I would have still been so glad I chopped it off. It was so freeing to just decide not to worry about whether or not someone might find me unattractive or think I'm lesser and just do something that scared me.

Idk. I guess my point is, to afab people and ANYONE else who needs to hear it: YOU CAN LOOK HOWEVER YOU WANT!!!!! YOU DONT NEED PERMISSION!!!! I know it's so scary to take a leap and make a big change, but after you've made it, the fear is incomparable to the pride and joy of taking that leap. And if you don't end up loving it, hair will grow back. You can change out of clothes that dont suit you. You can take off makeup. I just think it's worth it to have tried something and say you tried it and laughed in the face of people who told you "no" than to heed their disapproval and put your own happiness on the back burner. Not to be that guy, but life is so short, it really is, and no one's opinion of you has any actual bearing on your worth. You don't need anyone's approval, try something new that scares you and if people ridicule you, double down on it. I bet that you'll fall in love with it if you just gave yourself a chance.

#stickyandwhimsical #slightly personal #positivity #body posititivity #beauty #beautiful #afab #Nonbinary #uplifting #life is short #revelations #long ish post #just do it #be yourself

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dogfatherpads · 4 years ago

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Remus J. Lupin with a FUCKING BEARD

I just know he gets extra hairy around the full moon. What if one day he just decided he wasn’t going to shave it anymore?

Tbh this is just Wolfstar Slowburn sort of but not really

He sighed as he looked in the mirror. He was already running late and it would take at least 15 minutes if he didn’t want to add new scars to his face. It was just so bloody hard to get up in the morning around this time of the month. His skin itched in anticipation of the pain they would go through in a few short days. His bones hurt, his muscles felt heavy, who cares if he showed up to transfiguration with just a little bit more hair? He could shave it tomorrow, today he was just too tired.

“Moony!! We’re gonna be late lets go!!” James hollered, banging on the bathroom door.

“To hell with it,” Remus threw his razor back in the drawer and pushed his unruly curls out of his face. When did that grow out? He’d just gotten his hair cut three days ago. He huffed aggitatedly and stepped out into the room. “Sorry to keep you lads waiting. Im just so tired this morning,” he began to pick up his books, straightening up just a little when he noticed their staring. “What?”

“You’re um,” Sirius spluttered.

“It’s nothing,” James held up a hand, “now lets go before Minnie gives us detention again. I’ve got a date I don’t want to miss.” Remus rolled his eyes but couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face when looking at James’ fond one. He and Lily were so disgustingly in love and it was wonderful because James in love and happy was less awful than James in love and pining.

“I found a hidden hallway we can take. I was trying to put it in the map last night, I’ll need your help with the spell Prongs,” Remus ran after them, breathless with excitement. “It ends behind that suit of armor just outside of Transfiguration.”

“Brilliant. Stupid staircases are not working in our favor today. Lead the way Rem.”

They’d made it with ten minutes to spare thanks to the hidden hallway and James grinned thankfully at Moony before walking over to Lily’s desk for a chat. Remus slumped in his chair, wishing desperately for the day to pass by quickly so he could get back into bed.

“You look tired Remus,” Lily commented, “go back to bed, I’ll take notes for you.”

He smiled greatfully, “Thank you, but I’ll survive. I will however, steal that hair tie,” he pointed to her wrist and she grinned.

“I wasn’t going to comment on the hair. I like it though, may I?” she asked, moving to stand behind him when he nodded. His eyes seemed to close on their own accord as she raked her fingers through his hair then scooped it all up and tied it at the back of his head. “Looks good. All the muggle rock stars are rocking the messy bun.”

He chuckled and shrugged, “Don’t feel so rock and roll right now, but I like it if it keeps the hair out of my face. Thank you,” he smiled gratfuly. He pulled his things out of his bag as McGonagall started the lesson. “Hey Pads,” he whispered, still searching through his bag, “do you have an extra quill I can borrow?” He looked up to meet Sirius’ eyes and froze. The storm in his eyes was clouded by his furrowed brow, his lips parted slightly. He gulped inaudibly when Remus’ bewildered gaze dropped to his lips. Sirius slid the quill across the table, his eyes never leaving Remus’ face before he stood abruptly, causing his stool to tip over.

“Mr. Black?” McGonagall turned, a frown quickly forming across her face, “are you alright?”

“I’m actually feeling quite ill,” his eyes bore into Remus’; Remus who wanted so desperately to look away but couldn’t tear his gaze from the tempestuous glare. “Please, may I be excused to the infirmary?”

“Very well, do you need someone to accompany you? Mr. Potter,” she motioned to James who was already getting out of his chair, a look of alarm on his face as he looked between Remus and Sirius.

“No,” Sirius finally tore his eyes away from Remus who gasped raggedly, unaware that he’d been holding his breath the entire time. “I think I can manage thank you.” And he was gone.

It took Remus a second to collect himself and when he looked up he met James’ confused stare he could do nothing but shrug as he tried to think of what he had said or done to Sirius this morning or even the night before to make him look at him with such... anger? There wasn’t anything Remus could think of. Sure he’d teased Sirius a little the night before about wearing Lily’s shirt to bed, too be honest it was kind of hot, but no way was Remus going to allow himself to think about that right now. Not about how tight the t shirt had been as it was three sizes too small. Not about how it exposed his hips when he stretched his arms over his head to yawn or threw his head back in boisterous laughter. No, it wasn’t the time to think about that now. Not when his glare had been so intense. The daily lessons seemed endless and Remus was glad when finally it was time for dinner and he could stop pretending to listen about mugwort or goblin wars. He loosened his tie and dumped it along with his books on his bed before stepping into the bathroom. He promised to meet the boys in the dining hall after they visited Sirius in the hospital wing. He hadn’t returned to any of their lessons and James’ expression only grew more suspicious when Remus declined to join them.

“Did you have a fight?” he inquired as he and Peter hurried and stumbled up the stairs to catch up to Remus.

“I’m telling you I don’t know what happened,” the fat lady scoffed when Remus practically snarled the password at her, “one minute I was asking if he had an extra quill, the next he was storming out.”

“Maybe there was a misunderstanding?” Peter suggested, looking to James for an answer.

“Come with us Moony. We’ll sort it out, whatever it is,” James insisted once more at the foot of the stairs to their dorms.

“I’ll meet you at the hall. No way Sirius would willingly spend the night at the infirmary. We’ll sort it out there. Promise.” He hammed it up a bit to get James off his back. It had failed miserably but James didn’t press the issue and escorted Peter out of the common room.

Remus shut the bathroom door and flicked the light on. He startled at his reflection before leaning in a little closer. His usually green eyes were beginning to turn that hazel, almost vile yellow color they usually did when the full moon neared. His skin was pulled almost a little tighter across his face, giving his nose and jaw a sharper more defined look. His canines were becoming longer too, the pointed end sharper. He admired that the beard covered most of the scars that marred his face. Perhaps he wouldn’t shave it off it all. He scoffed at himself. He looked like a crappy extra in some muggle teen romance about vampires and werewolves with the over exaggerated features that somehow no human could seem to realize were not human.

Not human.

If this is what Remus saw... Had Sirius been cowering away from the wolf that lingered so close to the surface now? Had he looked at Remus with disgust in class now that his features reflected the monster within? He stumbled away from the mirror. Of course. No one else has to risk their lives for their werewolf friend.

Some friend!

Asking his friends to join the wolf to keep it from destroying itself. If Sirius had come to resent him, well, Remus couldn’t blame him. The grumbling of his stomach resurfaced him from his wallowing and he sighed. If he didn’t join the others in the hall, James would surely convince himself that something had happened between he and Sirius. Perhaps something had happened. Perhaps he was no longer Remus’ friend. Remus swallowed down the pain of the thought of losing Sirius and locked it away where he kept hidden all of the other feelings he had about the grey eyed man. There was nothing he could do about his appearance now. Concealing charms and even beautification charms were tricky things. He’d learned simple ones to keep the werewolf teltales away. He chanted a few then removed Lily’s hair tie, hoping to receive some coverage from the too long curls now. That was all he could do. The boys would see past his charms. They always did. It didn’t matter now. He had to face Sirius eventually.

But he wasn’t there. “Madame Pomfrey says he’s got some stomach bug. Wouldn’t even let us see him.”

“Hmm,” Remus stabbed at his peas with a sigh. A stomach bug, please.

“Won’t you pay him a visit?” Peter asked around a mouthful of potato and Remus grimaced.

“For what? You already said Pomfrey wont let us in.”

“Yeah,” James interjected then motioned towards himself and Peter, “US. But you? She’s got a soft spot.”

“So do most new borns. Regardless of the fondness or not, she wouldn’t let a stomach bug,” he said sarcastically and around air quotes, “spread. Not a chance.”

Peter and James shared a glance that Remus wanted to question but was interrupted by Lily’s arrival, a pretty brunette in tow. “James, I’m sorry to do this last minute. Do you mind if we reschedule tonight? I’m a little behind on the Transfigurations essay,” she admitted sheepishly, “mum was sick this weekend and I didn’t get around to it.”

“It’s no problem Evans,” James smiled and took her hand, “I could help you with it. Top of the class remember?” he grinned and she rolled her eyes but smiled fondly.

“That’s just because you managed to win McGonagall over with your stupid charm and clever spell use in your pranks.”

“You think I’m clever?” his grin widened and she smacked his arm. “Im only joking. Im happy to help. We can reschedule for this weekend. The Hogsmeade trip?”

Remus tuned out the rest of the conversation when he realized Lily’s friend had been staring. He panicked momentarily. Had the charm worn off? Was his werewolf showing?

“Hey.. Remus,” she smiled shyly.

Oh.

But what was her name. He was sure they shared a class but which-

“Have you started your essay for History of Magic? I can’t decide which war I want to write about,” she sat across from him and smiled politely. Alice?

“Umm, I’ve outlined a rough draft on The Goblin Rebellions.” Emma? Samantha?

“Oh, I thought about the Gargoyle Strike of 1911 but I’m a bit confused about one of the events. Do you think you might be able to tutor me some time?” She smiled and Remus blinked. What the fuck was her name?

“Uhh..”

“You can join our study group, Charlie,” Lily gave Remus a pointed look and he smiled gratefully when the girl turned to look at Lily. “It’s currently just James and I but I think Marlene and Dorcas might join.”

“Oh,” she smiled ruefully, “I wouldn’t want to fifth wheel... maybe if Remus came?” she turned to look at Remus once more.

“Fifth wheel? Who’s the other couple?” James whispered to Lily who shook her head and sighed.

“You can be so oblivious Potter...”

“Sure,” Remus finally smiled politely, regretting it almost immediately when he heard the girl’s heart leap.

“Okay! Great! Thank you, I’ll get the details from Lily,” she smiled and stood up. “I like your new hair by the way,” she threw over her shoulder with a smirk before striding away.

“Are Marlene and Dorcas dating?” James asked loudly and Lily sighed.

****

It was almost nine when Remus returned from the library, leaving James and Lily alone to flirt. Peter had gone off to meet some lass he was seeing who, if Remus was being completely honest, was sporting a mustache much greater than Peter’s. He tugged on his cloak and tossed it over his trunk, beginning to unbutton his shirt when he stumbled over a shoe. A doc marten to be exact. He turned to look in every direction of the dark room, his eyes not needing to adjust in the dark, until they landed on the figure perched at the window. Those very hostile eyes met his again. Was hostile the right word? It was a mixture of dismay and confusion and maybe... lust? That was ridiculous, but Remus wasn’t going to be the first to drop his stare this time.

“Thought you were ill.”

“I was.”

So that’s how it was going to be.

“Sick of your own bullshit?” Remus raised a brow and Sirius frowned. Remus had to remind himself that he didn’t have any right to be angry with Sirius. He asked a lot of him when he expected him at the shack every night. “If you don’t want to come anymore,” if you hate me now and despise me and resent me for risking your life every month, “I understand.” But Sirius looked confused.

“Sorry?”

“I know I... around this time I start to show... I’m sorry if it bothers you more now. I don’t want you to do something you don’t want to.” Sirius had hopped off the window sill and begun walking towards him, making him stumble again when he took a step back and took a hard seat onto his trunk.

“Remus,” he was so close now that he could feel Sirius’ breath on his face, “you don’t have a clue..” Sirius’ fingers had began toying with the collar of Remus’ shirt, tugging ever so gently as his eyes flashed up to meet Remus’.

Sirius wasn’t ready to confess. It wasn’t a secret that he was gay. All of the Marauders knew and a few blokes he’d hooked up with did too. But Remus? Remus who was too kind and too smart and too good for him. He had his own problems he didn’t need to take on more, especially not the kind that would surely come if they ever... If they ever what? Hooked up? Moony wasn’t hook up material. Not with his warm skin and needy fingers in the morning. It wasn’t like he and Remus hadn’t shared a bed before. They all had at some time or another. Platonic cuddles were important, James had said. But Sirius hadn’t expected it would feel like the waves crashing against the shore when Remus pressed his cold nose against his neck in the morning, his lips brushing there too as he mumbled sleepily about chocolate pudding. He didn’t feel that way when James threw a haphazard arm around him or even Peter wiggled in too closely. With Remus it always felt like he wasn’t close enough.

And it had been so easy, so bloody easy to ignore it. To ignore the need to be closer and to want to crawl into his bed every night instead of taking turns with James who thought Peter’s elbows were too knobby. If he could wake up every morning to Remus’ cold nose he could take on anything. It had all been so easy until this morning. They had all teased Remus about how high maintenance he was about his hair. He was always cleanly shaved, he got up extra early every day to do it. He had his hair cut every two weeks and he even made sure to trim across his chest. Yes he was a werewolf, but he didn’t have to flaunt it, so he had said. The last few weeks leading up to the full moon had been tough for him, however. He’d been much more tired, much more reluctant to get out of bed. The stubble last week had already made Sirius stare for just a little too long when he thought no one was looking. He didn’t expect that Remus would be sporting a whole beard just a week later. He looked older even, especially with the way his features were beginning to sharpen. Sirius longed so much to run his fingers along the slope of his jaw. He wondered if it would be as sharp, if it would cut, if the hair that hid it now would make it softer. Would it tickle his skin? His face if he just leaned in now? He swallowed audibly when those golden eyes, nearly hidden behind the over grown curls, glanced briefly at his lips.

“Don’t know what, Sirius?” Remus whispered. He wanted so much to believe that the question in Sirius’ eyes was the one he wanted to hear.

“Hey Moony we went to check on Pads but he’s not,” James barged into the room with Peter in tow and they froze. Sirius took a step away from Remus and smiled.

“I’m feeling much better now. Pomfrey let me sleep in my own room,” he smiled as convincingly as he could.

“That’s great! Was it something you ate? I thought the biscuits at breakfast were a little off,” Peter had pushed past James and was already undressing to get into his pajamas.

“That must’ve been it,” Sirius gave him a small smile that disappeared when he met James’ eyes again. Remus looked between them. Between Sirius’ pleading eyes and James’ knowing ones.

Oh.

He had to pay a certain red head a visit.

*****

He sat still in the girls’ dorm, watching through the mirror as Marlene pouted. “Are you sure you want to cut it all off Remus?”

“Marlene, I already promised to keep the beard. The hair keeps getting in my eyes though. Please? Just some length.��

“Oh alright,” she sighed and she picked up the shears. Mary tapped her chin.

“What if we kept the length at the top.”

“Whatever just get it out of my face.”

“Ooo a werewolf with a temper, how original,” Lily grinned at his scowl. And then he remembered he was supposed to make nice because-

“Hey Lils?”

“Hmm?” She was distracted. The girls had taken advantage of Remus asking for a hair cut to have a spa day. Marlene was the only person that Remus trusted with his hair. Supposedly she’d taken lessons over the summer with a muggle cousin of hers. She’d made quite the profit dying and cutting hair when lessons were over. “If I wasn’t so sure I wanted to join the ministry, perhaps I’d open my own salon,” she had mentioned the first time she cut Remus’ hair. She was the only one who could get it exactly the way he wanted it.

“Want to play a game to pass the time?”

“Does it involve using my hands, kind of occupied..”

“No, Marlene would kill me if I moved a muscle.”

“Got that right,” she huffed.

“What game?”

“I’ll ask you yes or no questions and you have to answer with the first one that comes to mind.”

“You’re looking for trouble, me thinks,” Mary lifted a cucumber from her eye to peek at Remus, “there’s something he wants you to confess. Don’t do it Lily.”

“Remus is smarter than that. If he wants answers he should ask like a big boy, isn’t that right Remus?” Lily laughed at his scowl through the mirror.

“I’m not certain you’d tell me.”

“Alright Remus, I’m in good spirits, I’ll humor you this once. Go on,” and she was back to painting her nails.

“Do you like chocolate ice cream?”

“No.”

“Do you prefer McGonagall over Bins?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like Shakespeare?”

“Absolutely not. That won’t change, leave me be!!”

“Yes or no only!”

“Alright!”

“Do you prefer butterbeer over fire whiskey.”

“Yes.”

“Do you fancy James?”

“Yes.”

“Does Sirius fancy me?”

“WAIT!” Marlene shouted making them all jump.

“Oh no,” Lily groaned at her ruined toes, “Marlene you’ve bloody ruined them.”

“No no no,” Mary was removing the cucumbers again, “forget your toes for a minute. Remus,” she smiled condescendingly, “sweetie,” Remus growled lowly but she persisted, “do you fancy Sirius?”

“Stupid question babe,” Marlene laughed and Remus sputtered.

“Excuse me?”

“Oh Remus really,” Marlene gave him a tired look, “it’s so bloody obvious. You practically drool over him.”

“Fine. I’m in love with the idiot is that what you want?” They all froze before sharing a look and then turning to him.

“You’re in love with him?”

“I thought it was obvious?” Remus scowled and Lily waddled over to sit in front of him next to Mary.

“Well I mean it was obvious you were totally gone for him but, in love? That’s different...” Mary shook her head. Remus was starting to feel nervous. Maybe love was more than he bargained for. Here he was confessing and he wasn’t even sure. He was sure of his own feelings but what did they matter if Sirius didn’t feel the same?

“You didn’t answer my question...”

“He doesn’t fancy you,” Lily shook her head and Marlene snorted, “he worships the ground you walk on.”

“Get stuffed,” Remus rolled his eyes and Lily flipped him the bird.

“Do you know how before James and Lily were dating, they would go on and on and on about each other? And if they were having a conversation, they acted like they weren’t aware that anyone else was in the room?” Marlene had taken up the scissors again as she asked.

“Come off it,” Lily blushed.

“Sirius is like that about you. Only worse.”

“Worse?” Remus breathed almost inaudibly. He didn’t believe it when he asked. He wondered and he hoped so much that it were true but having it confirmed felt like a glacier melting in his chest.

“He pines,” Mary grimaced.

“Merlin, does he pine. And he rambles too,” Marlene shook her head.

“He whines! That’s the worst part,” Lily laughed.

The floor beneath him felt unsteady. Was the chair swaying?

“Get a grip Remus,” Marlene’s brow furrowed, a bit if concern on her face, “is that not what you wanted to hear?”

“I- yes but...”

“What is it?” Lily asked.

“What now?”

“Men are impossible,” Mary rolled her eyes then placed fresh cucumber rounds over them.

“You know he has feelings for you, the same ones you have for him, and you don’t know what to do now? Do you need to hear about the birds and the bees too?” Marlene laughed and Mary snorted.

“Birds and the birds Marls.”

“I think men are the bees?”

“Can it you two,” Lily grinned, “Remus... you have to tell him. When you’re ready of course. Doesn’t have to be today. But also what are you waiting for!”

“Poor Charlie will be crushed,” Mary chuckled and Marlene’s fingers froze in his hair.

“Charlie... Charlotte McLaggen? Yuck please, you can do better than that, Remus.”

“Mean, she’s a nice girl,” Lily frowned.

“Better than Sirius?” Marlene countered and they burst out in laughter.

“That’s really a matter of opinion,” Lily shrugged and Remus sighed.

“I can hear you lot laughing from down the hall,” Dorcas came through the door, arms full of sweets from the kitchens. “You started without me!!” she feigned a look of disbelief and pouted.

“Are those for me?” Marlene smiled at the chocolates in her hands. Remus didn’t hear the rest of the conversation however. He was too focused on Marlene’s face. She was looking at Dorcas.... he had to look away, it felt like intruding to keep staring. He could only smile when he realized that Sirius had looked at him that way the night before.

*****

It’d been a week since the night in the girl’s dorms. Remus, who now found himself trapped between a bookshelf and Charlie’s fingers in his hair, regretted most deeply that he had not yet confessed to Sirius about his feelings.

“It’s such a shame you cut so much of it off Remus,” she frowned and Remus smiled politely. He wrapped his fingers around her wrist and gently removed her hand from his hair and placed it in her own lap.

“It’ll grow.” He was ashamed of his inability to conceal his irritation. The full moon had come and gone and he was tired, his body still feeling the effects of the change. He’d managed to get a new scar that split his left eyebrow and he was happy now that he had allowed Marlene to leave his hair just a little longer than he usually wore it. But oh how Charlotte loved it.

“You just look like such a bad boy. Its sexy.”

Remus wanted nothing more than to be done with this damn study group so he could find Sirius. He kept waiting for the right moment but maybe there wasn’t one. Maybe any chance to tell him was the right moment. Any chance to be able to press his lips against his-

“Remus?” James snapped him out of his trance.

“Hmm?”

“Same time tomorrow? The weather’s too nice out we aren’t going to get anything done now. Even you seem distracted,” James grinned and Remus smiled sheepishly.

“I apologize I-“

“Maybe we can skip off to Hogsmeade, Remus,” Charlotte interrupted him and Lily began to pick up her books faster when she noticed Remus’ tight lipped smile, “visit Madame Puddifoot’s tea shop?”

“Charlotte-“

“Charlie,” she grinned and Remus all but screamed.

“Charlie,” he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder, “it is never gonna happen between us. I’m sorry I wasted your time. I just don’t see-“

“Oh... oh you’re joking!” she laughed and shoved his arm, “you’re so funny.”

“I’m not funny, I’m gay. Now if you’ll excuse me,” Remus strode off then, leaving behind an open mouthed Charlie and a laughing Lily and James.

Remus ran out of the library and out towards the lake. It was common to find Sirius under the tree there, having a nap and ditching study hall. Remus could see his boots protruding from behind one of the roots and smiled. He sped up, wincing as his muscles protested. He dropped his bag at the edge of the lake, leaning over and bracing himself on his knees as he wheezed for air.

“Remus?” Sirius sat up, a look of alarm on his face, “are you alright?” he scrambled to his knees and made his way over, pressing his hands to Remus’ shoulders. “Hey,” he tilted his head and smiled when his eyes met Remus’, “alright Moony?”

Remus had just begun to settle his heavy breathing but he was suddenly breathless again. He straightened himself and Sirius dropped his hands, taking a step back before Remus caught his arm.

“I’m not... I mean..” he shut his eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly before looking at Sirius again. “I’m much better than alright.”

“Is that right,” he reached up, “you’ve cut it.” Remus wrapped his fingers around his wrist, chuckling at the familiar action. Except he didn’t mind these fingers in his hair as much. He kept his hold on Sirius’ wrist and smiled.

“It wasn’t very me... plus it tickled my nose,” he grinned wider when Sirius laughed, “I think I’m in love with you.”

He’d stopped laughing then. “Think you’re still under the effects of the full moon there Moony,” but his smile never faded.

“Oh I definitely am. My legs are ready to give out actually,” he released Sirius’ wrist then, leaning into the fingers that had tangled into his hair and were now pressed to his face.

“I’m so stupid,” Sirius laughed, “I’d hidden it so well... who knew I had a thing for hairy men.”

“Everyone. I might be a little ashamed to say I asked Lily and Marlene.”

“Moony!” He exclaimed, “I didn’t take you for a gossip.”

“Be nice,” Remus’ face hurt from smiling, “I had to be sure... didn’t want to make a fool of myself or even push you away. I’d rather be your friend and keep my feelings to myself if it means you’d stay in my life.”

“What made you change your mind? Seemed to be in a rush when you got here,” he chuckled, “so eager to give me a half arsed confession.”

“Half arsed!” Remus’ eyebrows shot up.

“I think I’m in love with you,” Sirius repeated and Remus grinned.

“I know that I am... you however, I think you’re just lusting,” he teased and Sirius dropped his hand, giving him a small shrug.

“Mayhaps I am. So what now?”

“I think that’s up to you,” Remus couldn’t help but be surprised at the shy smile that Sirius offered him. Sirius reached forward once more to grip the front of Remus’ shirt, stood on his toes, and pressed his lips to his.

“The hair I can part with, but please... never shave that beard,” he mumbled against Remus’ lips.

#sirius black #remus lupin #marauders #wolfstar #i am wolfstar trash

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justniaaa · 4 years ago

Text

Unravel Me (4)

Gif by: @blackisblackisblack

Rating 18+NSFW

Work Count: 3.4k

Pairing: Christopher “Rio” Martinez xblack!oc

Warning: Swearing, mentions of a gun

A/N: Hey my loves! I’ve missed you guys so much, so sorry for the late update. I’m not going to lie and say it wont happen again because it most likely will but I wasn’t expecting to be gone for so long. Anxiety/ Depression is a fucking bitch bro and like I said before even if my posting isn’t constant, I always want to make sure to give you guys content. Thanks for you for rocking with me and Enjoy chapter 4! Happy reading and please dont forget to like, comment and reblog <3

Summary: Toni forms an unsuspecting friendship with Christopher that turns into something more. As her feelings towards him continue to grow she starts to unravel the secrets that surround him and in return, he unravels her completely.

Chapter 4: Let the games begin

After the eventful night between Toni and Chris, it was like the days went by rather quickly and before she knew it, Friday was here and Toni’s nerves were coming along for the ride. When she came home that night and told her girls about what transpired with her and the mysterious business mogul they gave out beaming smiles and all three of them jumped around, excited that Toni was going out on a date. And of course, don’t even get her started on Aaliyah, the woman was more than elated, and every chance she got she made sure to bother Toni about her new “boyfriend.”

Toni was walking in from work at Print Monthly and let out a yawn. Working two jobs, and writing a new article was slowly catching up with her, but with enough caffeine, she thinks she could make it through. She took off her heels and placed her keys on the entrance table trying to stifle yet another yawn, that was on its way out of her mouth. As she went further into the apartment she didn’t hear any movement from either of the girl’s rooms so she figured she was home alone. Toni went into her room not caring to turn on the light since she had a small night light in the corner and shut the door. She dropped her purse on the floor and took off her clothes, only leaving on her bra and panties. Toni sighed and shuffled to her bed, face planting into it as she wrapped her sherpa throw around her body. Since the AC was fixed the day before her place was nice and cool and all she wanted to do was take a small nap.

But before she could float away to unconsciousness her door was rushed open and the light flicked on, “Oh no bitch, get up!”

Toni groaned hearing Rocky’s voice and covered her face with the blanket, wishing for a couple of minutes of sleep, “Antonia Kelis Thompson, up now!”

The blanket was ripped away from Toni, and she put her face into the pillow, “Just five minutes,” she groaned.

“No, get up! Sage made you a smoothie to help with your energy before she left for the grocery store and you need to drink it so we can get you together for tonight.”

Toni turned her head and looked at Rocky, she was standing next to her bed with her eyebrow raised and a hand on her hip and the other was outstretched with said green smoothie in her grasp.

“It’s only six Rocky, we meet up at nine.”

True to his word, Chris hit her up and they set up a time and place to meet up, the place being an escape room to which Toni was particularly thrilled about. She had always wanted to go to one and she vaguely remembered mentioning it to him on one of their morning talks at the cafe. After they arranged their night out they continued texting each other throughout the day and it felt good to have that feeling of giddiness whenever she heard her phone ding and it possibly being him.

Toni huffed and sat up, sitting cross-legged on her bed and took the drink from Rocky’s hand. Taking a few sips she scrunched up her face from the taste but soldiered on when she saw the look Racquel gave her. When she finally finished the last bits of the smoothie, she put the glass on her nightstand and turned back to her friend.

“All finished, what’s next on the list warden?”

Racquel rolled her eyes, “So damn dramatic, go take a shower and I’ll dive into that mess you call a closet to find you something to wear.”

Toni stretched her limbs as she stood up from the bed while Rocky shooed her to the bathroom grabbing her towel from the back of the door in the process.

“And don’t forget to shave bitch!” Rocky yelled out.

“I shaved my legs yesterday, why the hell am I going to do them again?” Toni said poking her head out from the doorway, her confusion was evident.

“I’m not talking about your legs, girl,” Raquel said, winking. Toni didn’t plan on sleeping with Chris tonight but with how crazy the attraction was between them anything was possible. So with understanding and gratitude, Toni simply nodded and backed into the bathroom, closing the door and getting to work.

After the long half-hour of exfoliation, shaving, and showering, Toni came out of the bathroom feeling fresh and squeaky clean and walked into the sight of her bed strewn with clothes. She took in the sight of her best friends arguing with a piece of clothing in their hands about which outfit would work best. She chose to ignore them knowing that whatever they picked would be applicable and tightened the towel on her form, going to her vanity to do her makeup and hair. The girls interrupted her a few times showing her what they chose and Sage helped Toni curl her hair in the back. Music and bouts of laughter were heard throughout the home and the minutes ticked by getting closer to when Toni was deemed to leave. She was just putting on her light blue jeans when her phone went off, interrupting the song that was playing on her Bluetooth. Rocky and Sage continued talking about whether she should wear heels or sneakers, and Toni finished buttoning her pants walking over to her device. The name Chris was on her screen, and before the voicemail picked up she answered.

“Hello,” she said.

“There she is, thought you weren’t gonna answer,” Chris’s smooth voice came through the phone, making Toni’s stomach flutter with butterflies. She could vaguely hear noises of machinery in the background but she didn’t think anything of it because as quickly as the noise came it was gone, like he went into a separate room.

“I mean I didn’t have to pick up, especially since you're interrupting me getting ready for my date,” Toni sat down on the bench at the end of her bed.

“Oh, word? Who’s the lucky man?”

Toni looked down at her nails, “Some guy I met a couple of weeks ago, he ain’t all that but I decided to have mercy and give him a chance.”

Chris laughed into the receiver, “I bet he’s hype as fuck to take your pretty ass out.”

Toni shrugged like he could see her, “I mean, I am kind of great.”

“That you are Antonia, that you are.”

Toni covered her mouth with her fingers, trying to control the megawatt smile that was threatening to break out. They knew each other barely a month and already the way Chris made Toni feel was slightly alarming. “Is everything okay though, because if you need to change the time or something that’s fine.”

“Nah we good, just wanted to check up on you. And make sure I wasn’t gonna do an escape room by myself.”

“No worries, I’ll be there,” Toni said grinning.

“Aiight, so I’ll see you soon yeah?”

“Yes, sir nine o’clock.”

Chris chuckled, “Aight mama, later.”

Toni hung up and put her phone back on the charger, “I’m guessing from all the flirting we just heard, that was him,” Sage asked.

She shook her head, “Yeah, he was calling to make sure we were still on tonight.” Toni went and looked at the shoe options they picked out, thankful that her friends lended out a helping hand.

“We think the all-white Nike’s would look great with your outfit. Plus it will give your feet a break from the heels and you can run around as you play the game with your boyfriend,” Rocky smirked when Toni gave her a dirty look at her use of the “B” word.

“I agree,” she told them. After bending down to put her sneakers on, Toni stood up and examined her outfit in the mirror, liking how it looked. The white bodysuit accentuated her curves and the light blue jeans and sneakers really brought everything together, making her feel comfortable but be cute at the same time. Toni sprayed her perfume and got her crossbody bag and phone, listening to her friends give her a pep talk as she walked to the front door.

“We put some wipes in your bag and some mints as well just in case your breath gets hot,” Sage said, following behind Toni.

“Oh yes and some pepper spray if he decides to get handsy,” Raquel continued, bringing up the rear, “You never know he can turn into an asshole when the clock strikes twelve.”

Sage gave Rocky a glare and nudged her, “I doubt it will come to that, Racquel but it is always good to be safe.”

“Yes, it is,” Rocky grumbled, rubbing her sore side. Sage may be small but her elbow had some power behind it.

Toni turned to them when they reached the door, “Thanks guys for all the help.”

“We got your back girl, you know that.”

“And have fun tonight please, you deserve it and it will do you good to get some dick. It might help you stop being so damn uptight.”

“Sage!” Toni gasped, hitting the girl’s arm while Rocky stood next to her nodding in agreeance.

“I can’t stand you guys.” Toni picked up the keys she left on the small table by the door and opened her arms, “Alright give me some loving.”

They all came in for a group hug, just like they always did back in college, “Love you hoes,” Toni murmured.

“We love you too,” Sage and Rocky said together.

*****************************************************************************************************

Pulling into the parking lot Toni texted Chris letting him know she had arrived and while she waited on his reply she stared down at her phone and went through her social media. Suddenly a knock on her window made her jolt in the seat and look up with a hand to her chest. She let out a breath when she saw it was Chris at her window, his eyebrow raised and his mouth curved into a smirk.

“Geez Chris, you scared the shit out of me,” Toni exclaimed through the closed window.

She reached next to her, to get her purse and took her keys out of the ignition, placing them and her phone into her bag. She unlocked the door and he opened it for her, a smile still residing on his lips, “My bad ma, I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Toni side-eyed him as she got out, “Liar, you know damn well it’s too dark for your ass to be playing games.”

“Oh shit, don’t tell me big bad Antonia is scared of the dark.” Chris closed her car door behind her and Toni hit her key fob locking the vehicle. They began walking through the sparsely lit up parking lot, heading towards the building that had MadeYa Look Escape Room in bright lights at the front.

“Listen, frightening things live in the night, so don’t shame me.”

Chris chuckled as they walked side by side, his hands behind his back, “Nah, no shaming here baby. I used to be the same way, years ago.”

Toni felt a jolt at this new nickname, she hadn’t been called baby from the opposite sex in years and it made her feel warm inside to be hearing it from him. Toni decided to play it cool and not show how much the term of endearment affected her, but she secretly promised herself she would gush about it later in the privacy of her home.

“What made you stop being scared?” Toni asked as they finally reached the entrance.

She went to open the door but his ring covered hand was suddenly on top of hers, making her palm sweat on the cool metal of the handle, “When I became the scary thing to the monsters.”

Toni noticed the sudden shift between them as she gazed into his dark brown orbs. You would think after a statement like that she would be afraid but she felt perfectly fine, safe even. She didn’t know what to think about that, so she intended to not think about it at all.

“I forgot to tell you earlier but you look beautiful,” Chris said, his eyes not leaving hers, he was close enough that he could hear her breath stutter but didn’t comment. Toni bit her lip and pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

“You got your nose pierced,” she said, surprised. Toni saw the faint glint of the piercing from the glare of the lights and even though she never dated a guy with one it was different and it fit him perfectly.

Chris took note of the change of subject but he nodded anyway and ran his tongue across his bottom lip, making it shine, “You like it?”

“It’s cute,” She said with faux disinterest. Just like last time, with the close proximity they were in Toni could smell his cologne that was dark and subtle. They would kiss if she stood on her tiptoes.

“You ready for me to whoop your ass in this game?” Chris teased, and just like that the spell was broken and the light-hearted flirting came back into play.

Toni scoffed, grateful for the break from the tension “Please, the question is are you ready?”

With her hands still encompassed in his, they both opened the door and went to the front desk to pay and get instructions. The brunette clerk who they later learned was named Debbie was none the wiser to the something that transpired moments before, as she explained rules and questioned which room they wanted to play. While the middle-aged woman was talking, he had his hand rested on the small of Toni’s back and tried as she might she couldn’t focus on anything else but the heat of his palm. Luckily, another couple came in after them and they were able to play against the pair in the zombie apocalypse escape room. Before the game started Toni and Chris set up a bet for whoever solved the most clues even though they were on the same team. Toni ran her hand through her loose curls to put her hair up in a ponytail waiting for the countdown and noticed Chris’s outfit, “You don’t think you’ll get hot running around in your jacket?”

As per usual Chris was clad in all black but he had on a jean jacket over a black shirt this time rather than a regular button-up.

“I’m straight,” Chris said nonchalantly. Before she could interrogate him further, Debbie’s voice came onto the intercom letting them know she was starting the countdown. Quickly, ten seconds turned to one, and the game began.

*****************************************************************************************************

The couple walked out of the room breathless and delighted with how well the game turned out. They beat the newlyweds by a landslide with one minute to spare, and unfortunately to Chris’s exasperation, Toni solved most of the clues and now she had full reign over tonight.

“Congrats guys!” The clerk complimented as she handed them two free t-shirts for winning and even offered to snap a picture of them to put on their winner board. Chris declined grumbling about how he hated taking pictures but of course, when Toni gave him puppy dog eyes and reminded him she was the captain of tonight he grudgingly relented. Only on the grounds of them taking the photo on their personal phones and that Toni promised not to rag on him the rest of the date.

Toni gave the woman her phone already opened to the camera app and they both took their place in front of the winner’s board. She didn’t know where to position herself, not wanting to be too much in Chris’s personal space if he wasn’t comfortable with it, but he made the decision for her when he put his arm on her shoulders and brought her in close, making Toni’s palms sweat. She quickly decided to wrap her arms around his waist praying he couldn’t feel her heart practically beat out her chest when she leaned against his side. They both looked at the camera with big smiles earning an “Awww you two are adorable!” from Debbie.

As Toni went to pull away, she brushed against something solid and what felt oddly like steel under his jacket. Stepping back Toni pondered over the fact that the object that she touched was most likely a gun and that was probably the reason why he didn’t want to take off his jacket before the game.

“Here you go hun,” Debbie said, passing Toni her phone.

Toni graciously thanked her while she took the device and tried to school her features. She knew people had guns, even her father had some locked away at his house but something about him hiding it made her stomach roll.

They went out into the cool night and Toni walked next to Chris quietly still thinking, “So where to boss, since you running shit now.”

A beat passed and she could see Chris in her peripheral take a look at her, wondering why she wasn’t responding.

“You good mama?” He inquired.

She was acting like such a dumb ass, it wasn’t like he was her boyfriend he didn’t have to necessarily tell her why he had a gun and she was fine when he told her the monsters were afraid of him. So why did the gun affect her so much?

Toni looked over at him seeing his brows knitted in worry and decided to push the issue aside for a second. “Yep, but the real question is are you good after that ass whooping I gave you? Mr. I’m gonna win just watch.”

Chris groaned, “I thought you promised you wasn’t gonna flame me.”

“Obviously I lied, I just wanted you to stop whining and take the damn picture.”

“Nah, I just think you wanted a pic so you could look at it and fantasize about me all the time.”

Toni snickered and pushed him, “Please, don’t flatter yourself.”

They were still talking when they finally reached her car. Toni leaned against her door, she could see his Range a couple of spaces from hers. “So what now Antonia?”

He asked while he stood in front of her, his hands in his pockets.

“Not sick of me yet?” Toni wondered, tilting her head.

“Never that darlin’.’”

Toni cleared her throat feeling her cheeks burn, damn him, he knew exactly what the hell he was doing. Not wanting to put it off any longer she made the choice to just ask him about the gun, not wanting to proceed with the night without being in the know. “Can I...ugh this is probably so stupid but can I ask you a question first before we leave here?”

He straightened when he heard the way she stuttered like she was worried about questioning him, “Go ahead.”

Toni crossed her arms, “You can tell me it's none of my business and honestly it’s not that big of a deal but is there a reason why you didn’t want to tell me you were carrying a gun? I felt it while we were taking the picture.”

She was expecting him to get upset about her interrogation but his posture went lax, seeming happy that that was what she wanted to ask.

“I didn’t say anything ‘cause I wasn’t sure if it was gonna freak you out. I use it for protection only and I should have told you instead of assuming.”

Toni sighed and rubbed her forehead, “No, I apologize it just took me by surprise is all. I knew someone that carried and it always seemed like he used it more to showcase how much of a dick he was rather than use it as a safety precaution.”

“Hey,” Chris raised Toni’s chin, making her focus on him. “Don’t ever be scared to ask me somethin’. Even if I don’t like the question, imma always try and give you as much of the truth that I can, aight?”

“Okay,” Toni said.

“Okay,” Chris dropped his hand and grabbed Toni’s holding it in his grasp, still looking at her, “So we gonna chill in this parking lot all night or we gonna go to the next spot?”

Toni lightly squeezed his hand with a mischievous glint in her eye, “I know the perfect place.”

“Aiight then,” Chris walked to the passenger side of her car waiting, “Let’s go.”

“You’re not gonna drive your car?” Toni wrinkled her nose, puzzled whilst unlocking the car.

Chris opened the door and simply said, “Nope I trust you,” before getting into the vehicle leaving Toni speechless.

Toni let out a harsh breath and whispered “This man is too fine,” getting into the car as well. It seemed like their night had only begun.

Tag list: @aria725 @kikilovesdankmemes @briannab1234

#manny montana imagine #rio good girls #rio good girls imagine #rioxoc #rio x black!oc #rioxblack!oc fanfic #nbc good girls #chapter 4 #unravel me #manny montana #myfic

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