#i need to give sparrow more attention also but smh she's new she can wait a bit

[everlastiingiimmortals]

brainrots over my own oc bc i miss her

but there's something about yingyue that makes me so sad and love her so deeply. she's something of a story about generational trauma, as is a well-used and effectively tragic trope throughout the xianzhou's history, and i love using her to explore the possibilities of "birth" defects present in vidyadhara, and not just the genetic ones that cause rapid aging or dwarfism -- there are identified cases of things going wrong within the egg due to the past life, and I'd very much like to explore that more with her.

while i've noted that the damage and pain from the sedition on meiyu's life has had a lasting impact on yingyue and left her meek and timid, that's not the only reason. with the way the preceptors are, anyone who was close to dan feng in a past life would naturally end up watched very closely, especially with a bond like hers. that kind of external pressure absolutely destroyed yingyue's confidence.. but i wonder if her emotional attachment to bailu is not as strong as meiyu's was to dan feng, since the dragon heart was split in two. while meiyu was perfectly content to serve as dan feng's attendant, yingyue has a little more freedom, so to speak -- freedom she has no idea what to do with. as a result, she feels lost and even more unconfident, and sticks to what is familiar: bailu.

but what i'd love to write for her is a journey in which she can learn to be more comfortable with that freedom, maybe even find a different calling, and from that, gain new confidence and learn to like herself.