#i miss when every day felt like a blink 182 song

[circusgoth-dotcom]

there were a lot of shitty things about the early 00s but i miss them dearly

[coq-ue-tte]

𝐀𝐝𝐚𝐦 𝐒𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

(this is my first tumblr post so don’t mind me)

🕯 🧸 ☁ 🪐 🕊 🤎 🌙 📷

(𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐬𝐞 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐓𝐢𝐤𝐓𝐨𝐤 𝐚𝐭 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐭)

♡❀˖⁺. ༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡

~ SAD HEADCANNONS ~

• Lawrence felt so guilty about not going back for Adam that he used his power as an apprentice to anonymously stalk Adam’s family, find his parents and send money to them to pay for his grave or to go towards the vigil.

• In an argument with Scott Tibbs (probably to do with the new album photoshoot) he broke the last picture Adam had of his parents.

• He began smoking and doing drvgs in his early teens, and this was one of the reasons why he fell out with his parents and got kicked out.

• After everything that happened to Adam, Lawrence took up photography to help remember him.

• Larry would also go to the parking lot where they first properly met, to reconnect with him.

• Afraid of the dark.

• After the events of saw 1 (if he magically escaped) he would NEVER lock the doors to the bathrooms he would use in public, in case he got locked in one again. But it would kind of annoy you because you’d have to wait for him.

• Went to a rehabilitation camp when he was younger.

• Adam met Daniel at a ‘Wrath of the Gods’ gig. But he saw him as a little brother.

• Daniel would rant to Adam about Eric, but Adam would relate to it all because of his own relationship with his father.

• Adam would often compare himself to the attention Scott got from women, this would make him a lot more insecure and self conscious .

• The photo of Adam (seen in The Scott Tibbs Documentary) was the last remaining thing Scott got from Adam’s apartment, the rest of it was taken by squatters…

• Bailed Scott out a couple times, this is one of the reasons why he is poor.

• Definitely had that one teacher at school that he’d just linger with because all of the other people in his grade/year pissed him off.

• Taught Daniel how to skate.

• HEAR ME OHT FOR THIS ONE BECAUSE I DON’T EXPLAIN IT VERY WELL !!!

~ Scott would definitely try and get with 18 year old groupies or Yk younger, but he’d definitely try and set them up with Adam too. Adam wouldn’t have any of this illegal shit and reassure the women that he was nice and didn’t want it.

• The iconic shirt of his seen in Saw 1 was probably given to him by his dad. It’s one of the last things he has.

• Gets into fights at bars bc he RUNS HIS MOUTH. But that doesn’t mean he wins them ….

• He waited every day outside of his apartment to see if Amanda was there.

• Liked Amanda because he knew that she wouldn’t run off with Scott.

• His parents definitely tried reaching out to him, but he didn’t want any of it.

• His parents put flyers and missing poster signs to try and get their son back. But it didn’t work …

• He had such a problem with Larry cheating on his wife because I get the vibe that Adam’s dad cheated on his mom.

• Died thinking that no one loved him. But there’s probably a lil bench put in his name in his hometown.

• Stalks his exes online.

• Got arrested for stalking and harassment.

.⋆｡⋆˚｡⋆｡˚｡⋆. .⋆｡⋆˚｡⋆｡˚｡⋆.

HAPPY / RANDOM HEADCANNONS <3 (yay)

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

• Hates cheese.

• Went to a blink- 182 concert back when they were REALLY popular.

• He was close to his grandma, but when she died, he kind of spiralled (this is kinda sad but cute :))

• Donnie Darko is his comfort character.

• Gets outfit inspiration from people like Kurt Cobain and Billy Loomis. (If you know you know)

• His couch is COVERED in cigarette burns.

• Owns a tumblr account <3

• Owns a wrath of the Gods fan page. We love a supportive king.

• Owns one of those TikTok accounts that just low-key aims all of his posts about Taylor Swift and the swifties.

• Had a buzz cut back in high school.

• Definitely be one of those people like “Name 5 Songs !!! 😡😡😡” Bro would love pissing people off.

• Loved Smoking at night to Jeff Buckley’s Grace. Loved that man so much.

• Definitely a comic book collector.

• Would love all- inclusive buffets :)

• more than likely got expelled as a kid.

‧˚₊•┈┈┈┈୨୧┈┈┈┈•‧₊˚⊹

(that’s all for now <3)

[gamerwoo]

hansol: the lovers playlist

characters: hansol x female reader (but also hansol x oc)

genre/warnings: idol au, best friends to strangers, a little fluff but it’s mostly angst, this part is all hansol x oc and from hansol’s pov but reader is mentioned a lot

word count: 1,127

summary: if i could find you now things would get better

tag list: @anissanightyoung @aceofvernons @mythicalamphitrite @caratluvie @juliettechokilo @liemwantstosleep @rubyreduji @ohchangyu @mingyublues @kamalymaly @ru-lin (if you’d like to be added to the tag list, please fill out this form!!!)

perma tag list: @minluvly @honeyylin @miki-chi @heemingyu @noraehey @awkwardnesshabitat @floweryjessy @woozarts @anothershorthuman @shuabby1994 @vernxnsfool @ti--red @etaerealboy @plants-w0rld​@thepencilkorner @shmooooo​

unable to tag: @futuristiccomputerkitten @aikisbbq

a/n: things in bold italics are song lyrics, dialogue in plain bold is in korean

previous song | next song | back to playlist

“Do you wanna go somewhere with me?”

It seemed pretty often that Ivory showed up to bring Hansol on impromptu dates, and Jeonghan had a theory -- he also liked to just stir the pot, but the members thought that maybe there was some logic behind it.

“She wants to be like _____,” he stated. “She definitely knows how him and her used to be, and she knows they stopped hanging out even if he didn’t tell her why, but she knows it tore him apart. So now she’s trying to be her to make him feel better.”

Seungcheol scolded him for gossiping and told him to keep that to himself and not spread rumors in the group, but even he had to admit that it sounded believable. They used to be so careful and secretive that even Hansol’s members didn’t know he had a girlfriend. But then after Hansol came back that night, silent tears sliding down his cheeks, Ivory started spontaneously hanging out with him more and more until they made things public. Ever since then, that was how she was. 

Despite Hansol going along with his girlfriend’s adventures, he never saw her as a replacement you. She was still Ivory, and you were still you. You were two separate people, and even if he enjoyed spending time with Ivory, it didn’t mean he didn’t miss you.

Especially this particular night.

Just hearing the beginning guitar riff, Hansol’s heart sank a little. He was always someone who tried to let go of things, so he tried to keep you out of his mind most of the time. He didn’t want to dwell on the past when you didn’t want him in your future. And truthfully, it had been a while since Hansol felt that yearn to hang out with you again. He was doing good and his members were proud of him, but there were moments where he was reminded of you.

‘There's a place off Ocean Avenue where I used to sit and talk with you; We were both 16 and it felt so right; Sleepin' all day stayin' up all night.’

You and him had similar taste in music, meaning you both loved those old pop-punk songs that were staples in every emo phase. Avril Lavigne, Fall Out Boy, Blink 182, and artists like that. And you both specifically loved to blast Ocean Avenue while driving around -- usually when you decided to drive by the beach on a nice sunset. You’d have the windows down and you’d belt the lyrics like you were annoying teenagers who didn’t care about the people walking on the sidewalk enjoying the warm air.  

Almost like what was happening now as Ivory drove along the coast. The windows were up since it was getting chilly outside, and she wasn’t really singing along to the song. She was just driving.

‘There's a place on the corner of Cherry Street; We would walk on the beach in our bare feet; We were both 18 and it felt so right; Sleepin' all day stayin' up all night.’

Hearing Ocean Avenue did more than remind him of you. It practically bashed his brain in from being pelted with various memories of you and him, driving around or sitting in his bedroom listening to the song. It even played at an arcade once and he remembered you both looked at each other with eyes wide in excitement. 

“Wanna stop and watch the sunset?” she asked.

It yanked Hansol back to reality as he blinked a few times and looked over at Ivory, almost forgetting that she was the one driving.

“Hm? Oh, yeah,” he nodded.

‘If I could find you now things would get better; We could leave this town and run forever; Let your waves crash down on me and take me away.’

Ivory pulled off into a little car lot that could only fit maybe 5 cars. There was a cement wall that was only a few feet high, and it overlooked the ocean and the sun that set over it. The lot was empty as the couple got out.

“Can we leave the doors open?” Hansol asked as he stood.

Ivory’s eyebrows furrowed, “It’s kinda chilly, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, but we can hear the music.”

“Oh, yeah,” she smiled, “that’s cute.”

The pair walked over to the wall and sat on it, looking down at the beach and the few people here and there walking on it. Hansol let his legs hang off the side while Ivory pulled her knees to her chest, sitting close to her boyfriend.

Just like he used to do with you.

‘There's a piece of you that's here with me; It's everywhere I go, it's everything I see; When I sleep, I dream and it gets me by; I can make believe that you're here tonight.’

He’d stopped at this same spot with you a handful of times. It was far enough away from a lot of people so you were never really recognized or spotted. It was quiet and a great spot to just...relax. The two of you used to go on and on about how the ocean made everything else seem so small in comparison, and then you’d get too deep and it would somehow stem into deeper conversations about existence and if any higher power was out there and what the two of you thought it was.

And then you’d break the conversation by threatening to push him off the wall.

He leaned more on his left arm, letting out a sigh as he enjoyed the silence beside--

“The sunset’s so pretty,” a voice that wasn’t yours spoke up.

He almost flinched away, thinking he was leaning closer to you. But he looked over and saw Ivory, smiling softly at the sunset.

‘Right...’ he reminded himself.

“Yeah, it is,” he murmured.

He felt like he was going insane. Sure, he missed you sometimes, but it was never this intense. Maybe because this was your favorite song to listen to together? Maybe because this was your favorite place to hang out when you were deciding to just drive around together? 

‘If I could find you now things would get better; We could leave this town and run forever.’

He wasn’t sure. But he was sure of one thing: he wasn’t getting better, he was just ignoring his feelings and pushing them back because he knew there was no shot in hell that you’d ever let him back in your life. The truth was...

‘I know somewhere somehow we'll be together.’

...Hansol still missed you; so much more than he was letting on.

‘Let your waves crash down on me and take me away.’

But there was nothing he could do about it.

[wrenhyperfixates]

Home Is Such a Lonely Place

Pairing: Loki x reader Summary: When Loki is handpicked to be part of the Avengers new space force, it causes some problems in your relationship. Will distance make the heart grow fonder or is it too much to bear? Warnings: none I believe :) A/N: Based on the song Home Is Such a Lonely Place by Blink-182. This has been sitting in my drafts since February so here it is. Hope you enjoy :)

Permanent Tag List: @lucywrites02 @frostedgiant @lunarmoon8 @twhiddlestonsstuff @lokistan @lowkeyorlokificrecs @gaitwae @whatafuckingdumbass @castiels-majestic-wings @kozkaboi @cozy-the-overlord @birdgirl90 @myraiswack @mythicalgarlicknot @what-a-flammable-heart @marvelouslovely @laurenandloki @fallinallinmendes @sophlubbwriting @mooncat163 

Disclaimer: Gif not mine

Loki was perfect. No, you weren’t exaggerating; he really was everything you’d ever wanted. It was the circumstances that were the problem. Because you were born a mortal and he a god, so you were relegated to Earth while he spent increasingly more time in space.

The Avengers and SHIELD had both reached the same decision that Earth needed to be protected from extraterrestrial threats. So, who better to send out to space than those with the most experience out there? A team had been assembled, and Loki was put on it, traveling with them for a good many months now. You could still remember when he’d first told you.

“Darling?” he called out, coming home from work that fateful day.

“In here,” you called from the kitchen.

He walked into the messy room, hugging you from behind. Loki rested his head on your shoulder after placing a quick kiss to your cheek, breathing in your scent. You sighed as you relaxed against him, but there was an odd, nervous sort of tension in his body. Frowning as you tried to figure out why, you got an idea.

“Here, try this, love,” you suggested, holding a steaming spoon of pasta sauce to his lips.

After blowing on it a bit, he’d taken the spoon in his mouth, swallowing the sauce. He’d smiled at you, cupping your cheek. “Delicious, my sweet darling.”

“But...?” you’d prompted.

“It could use just a dash more oregano,” he conceded, pinching a small amount of the herb between his fingers and tossing it in, stirring the pot. Mimicking your actions from just moments ago, he held out a spoonful for you to try. “Well?”

“It’s perfect, Loki,” you beamed, pulling him closer. “So perfect, in fact, that I think you need a taste too.”

“Oh, is that so?” he chuckled.

“Mhm,” you hummed before kissing him, the taste of the sauce still on your mouth.

“You were right,” he purred, pulling back a little bit. “Absolutely perfect.”

Troubles momentarily forgotten, the raven haired god set the table for two as you finished cooking dinner. The two of you sat, chatting and eating and holding hands. Everything was going so well, and then you asked a question that made his smile falter.

“So how was your day?” you’d inquired.

“About that,” he said, setting down his utensil. “We need to talk.”

“Uh oh,” you responded. You felt a little nervous as you put down your fork too. “That doesn’t sound good. Is everything ok?”

“Yes... and no,” he sighed. “SHIELD is putting together a team to take care of threats from other planets. A team that they have told me I am to be on.”

“Oh,” you replied, trying to keep your face neutral. You didn’t want to be upset if it was something he was actually excited for. “And it’s required you go?”

“Not exactly. If I plead my case, I’m certain I can stay. Believe me, I do not want to leave you. I will stay, if you wish me to.”

“Well, how long would you be gone for?”

“I am uncertain. It could be three months, or it might be ten.” He bit his lip. “But, darling, tell me to stay and without hesitation, I shall.”

It felt like the floor was falling out from under you. Of course you wanted him to stay, but would that really be fair? Could you let yourself be the one to hold him back? If there was one thing you knew, you loved each other. As long as you didn’t forget or doubt that, you could weather anything.

“No, Loki, it’s a great opportunity,” you said. “You should go. I’ll be waiting here when you get back.”

“Oh, darling,” he whispered, sliding out of his chair. Kneeling before you, Loki rested his head in your lap, and you ran your fingers through his silky black hair. “I swear these next three weeks shall be the best of your life. I will dedicate all my time to you before I leave.”

“My love, I would like nothing more, but I don’t want to monopolize all your time,” you hesitantly said. Though you wanted to spend as much time with him as you could before he left, you didn’t want him to feel obligated to. “If you really don’t mind, though, please do.”

Of course, he was more than happy to and spent just as much time with you as he had promised. But now he’d been gone for six months, and you missed him terribly. You laid on the roof, petting the cat Loki had bought you before he left. So you never got lonely, he said. It had shiny black fur and beautiful green eyes. As soon as Loki gifted your new friend to you, you’d named him Loki Jr., earning you a playful eye roll from the trickster god.

Remembering that night brought a brief smile to your face. Now, you looked up at the moon, Loki Jr. purring as you pet his soft fur. You wondered where your lover was out there in that great expanse of space. Was he looking at it like an empty void? Or was he appreciating the stars and the wonders that were held out there? Maybe he was just indifferent to it, you thought. After all, he’d grown up on Asgard, so perhaps he was used to it.

Going back to your room that evening, your bed felt empty. Your home just felt so lonely without Loki. The real Loki, anyway. As much as you loved Loki Jr., it just wasn’t the same thing. Was your love thinking the same thing, you wondered? You hoped so, but didn’t want to think about it too much, lest your brain make you believe he didn’t miss you.

Sighing, you buried your nose into Loki Jr.’s fur. You had no one to blame except yourself, really. Loki had asked you repeatedly if you wanted him to stay, but you always said no. Told him he had to live his life to the fullest. That he couldn’t wait for you to give him the ok. You’d still be here when you got back, and you had your job at the Tower to keep you occupied. Of course, every mission you observed from there reminded you of Loki. How you’d met and all the shy glances you’d shared. You couldn’t help yourself from wondering how he was doing. He’d be alright, you were sure. But until he got back, it seemed there was nothing you could do to ease your worrying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Space was beautiful, there was no denying that. But it was kind of cold and empty too. Especially since the trickster god had to be without you, his beloved. Now that’s not to say he wasn’t having fun or wasn’t enjoying the time he got to spend with his brother. He just still really missed you and your company.

Loki ran his fingers over the picture he had of you. Not too much longer until he could brush his fingers over the soft skin of your beautiful face. Oh, how eight months could feel like a million years, Loki didn’t know. Well, in a way he did; any time spent away from the one you loved with your whole heart as he did you was bound to be tedious and feel drawn out. He’d be arriving back home tomorrow. Or, rather, today, he realized with a thrill as he checked the clock, reading midnight.

It was a bit of a struggle, but soon he was able to fall asleep. When he woke up, there was a mere hour left before reentry into Midgard’s atmosphere. Even with as empty space was, it somehow felt even lonelier with you. And now he’d be back with you in your shared apartment. He couldn’t wait until that night when you got to lay together just holding each other, basking in the other’s presence.

“Well, brother, are you ready to head back?” Thor asked, clapping Loki on the back.

“You have no idea just how eager I am, brother,” Loki replies. “It has been too long away from my beloved.”

“And certainly, they are missing you, too,” the God of Thunder assured.

“I can only hope. But what if they have moved on? We have not even been able to talk to each other in over a month. What if... What if they do not love me anymore?” Loki let himself be vulnerable, utilizing the relationship he and his brother had cultivated on this journey. “They did, after all, encourage me to go. Quite a bit.”

“Yes, but you know they just did not want to hold you back. Cheer up, Loki. Everything will be just fine.”

By the time they landed, Loki had mainly eased his worries, though he did feel a twinge of panic in his heart when he didn’t immediately see you while walking off the ramp. Luckily, you were there, he’d just missed you in the crowd.

Immediately, you ran to him, giving him the biggest hug you could. He reciprocated, beyond happy to feel your frame pressed against his. Tension relieved from both your bodies as you held each other.

“Hello, sweet darling,” he smiled.

“Hello, my love.”

Kissing the top of your head, Loki led you, following the gathered group as they walked further into the Tower while laughing and chatting with their recently arrived teammates. Loki kept an arm around your shoulder, and you one around his waist, the need to keep each other close quite obvious.

You and your boyfriend had to separate for a little while as Loki went to a debriefing. Soon he was back out, and the two of you joined the Avengers for a little welcome party of sorts. It was really just a get-together for the team to catch up. Even though it was a ton of fun, you were more than happy when you and Loki were in your car, driving back to your apartment.

“Welcome home,” you grinned, opening the door. Loki Jr. immediately came and rubbed himself against your legs. Loki smiled as you bent down to pet the cat, glad to know his plan had worked, at least in some degree. “Did you miss it?”

He cupped your cheek, looking deep into your eyes. “You have no idea, darling.”

Unable to wait any longer, Loki leaned in and kissed you. You responded immediately, brining him closer to you. He lifted you up and put your body between his and the wall. You giggled when the two of you finally broke for air, and Loki planted a million little kisses along your neck.

“I missed you, too,” you panted, still breathless.

“Next time,” he said between kisses, “I am telling them I am staying here.”

“Wait.” You brushed a few of his raven locks behind his ear, cocking your head at him. “Next time?”

Loki sighed. He knew he shouldn’t have brought this up so soon. The last thing he wanted was to make you upset on the day he came back home. All the trickster god wanted was to be with you, but of course he had to mention it. You had an adorable inquisitiveness in your eyes as you continued to play with his hair, twirling some of it between your fingers. He wondered if there was still a chance to save the day after his blunder.

“Yes. Fury wants to ship the team back out in a few months. After so long away from you, my darling, the thought sounds torturous. I will stay here. With you,” he explained, setting you back onto the ground.

“But that’s not fair to you,” you protested. “I shouldn’t be the only thing tethering you here. I don’t want to hold you back.”

“No, darling. I want to stay with you, I swear,” he vowed. You frowned, and he felt his heart drop a little. You said you missed him, and yet you were telling him to go again. “Look, sweet darling, it is late already. Let us just enjoy this night together. There is plenty of time to decide.”

“Ok,” you agreed, burying your face against his chest as you hugged again. You really didn’t want him to go, but a human like you shouldn’t tie down a god like him, you thought.

You led him to the bedroom you’d so missed sharing with him. After getting ready for the evening, you both laid in bed, talking of lighter topics. Neither of you could keep your hands off the other, and constantly maintained some kind of contact. Loki hadn’t even realized how late it’d gotten until your sentences began to be punctuated by yawns. Though you would have rather continued the conversation, you acquiesced when he suggested getting some sleep.

“You know,” you said, cuddling up to him, already half asleep. “If you do want to go on the next mission, I won’t be mad, my love.”

“I know. But I want to be with you. Yet you keep telling me to go and...” he trailed off, absentmindedly rubbing your back. “We will talk another time. Just sleep for now, my sweet darling.”

“Alright,” you hummed against him. “Goodnight. I love you. I promise, I’ll never stop loving you.”

“And I promise the same. I love you too.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There was only a month left before Loki would leave again. If he left again. You were both still debating, though you had eased up a bit after he voiced his concerns.

“Really, you should go. I- What’s wrong?” you’d asked during one such argument when he frowned.

“You say you love me, but you try to send me away,” he replied, a few tears gathering in his eyes, threatening to spill. “Why?”

“Oh, Loki, I really do love you. I swear on my life.”

“I believe you,” he assured while you kissed his forehead, though with an unmistakable hint of doubt behind the words.

“It’s just you’re a god. And I’m a mortal. I don’t want to hold you back. Hold you here. I don’t really want you to leave either; home is lonely without you. So if you really want to be on Midgard, of course I’ll support that too. I just can’t imagine you wouldn’t rather be free to roam.”

“In all honesty, my darling,” Loki began, “I do quite enjoy space travel. The settling down is nice too, of course, but there is something about being out there that’s freeing. So no, it is not that I want to be on Midgard, but that I want to be with you. I need to be with you. I love you so, so much, and I cannot bear to go without you for so long again.”

“Well, that’s it then. I need you too because I love you too. And you don’t want to go without me, but what about with me? We’ve been so caught up in our argument, we didn’t even consider another option.”

“Bring you with me?”

You nodded nervously. Maybe he was going to tell you it was too dangerous. Maybe he was just being nice saying he wanted to stay with you. But no, he wouldn’t have been this stubborn if that was the case. Just as you were going to try to recant your suggestion, Loki surged forward and kissed you.

“Darling, you’re a genius!” he exclaimed, pulling away. “I cannot believe we did not think of it sooner. You can work on the ship to monitor the missions, just like you do here. And we will be together. It is perfect!”

“Is it ok if we bring Loki Jr. too?” you asked as the cat plopped himself in your lap.

“For you, my sweet darling? For you I would do anything, so of course it is,” he chuckled as he cupped your cheek and kissed you again.

When you broke apart again, you felt happier than you had in a long time, knowing you wouldn’t have to part again. After all, he was your home, and you were his. So as long as you were together, home could never be a lonely place.

[troubatrain]

with you around - n. patrick

a/n: so this is a repost of an old fic from my old blog that survived the purge when I deleted - there’s actually two parts i just need to find the other one to post it lmao. i’m tagging @prettyboybarzal​ because nolpat is the dream stoner boyfriend and there’s nothing you can do to convince me otherwise

You open your back door, sneaking out and walking to the back of the yard, climbing up the worn ladder to the tree house your parents built over a decade ago. You check your phone, knowing Nolan would have landed an hour ago which means he should be walking over to you now. You move the random throw pillows you’d collected over the years, trying to make the wooden house slightly more comfortable.

“You have got to stop making me climb up here,” You hear a deep voice huff, and you knew exactly who was on his way up.

“It’s tradition, Nolan,” You deadpan, it was how you both spent every first night of summer.

You watch as Nolan flicks on the old Christmas lights you’d hung up when you were sixteen. That was the first year you’d spent without the comfort of having your best friend next door. You were proud of Nolan, but it didn’t take away from how rough of a year it was without him. He finally plops down next to you, “So what’s been going home?”

“Same old, same old,” You say, pulling the joint from your hoodie pocket, twirling it in your hand.

Nolan laughs, “You’re going to get me in so much trouble one of these days.”

Regardless of his words, Nolan snatches the joint and lighter out of your hand, lighting the paper and taking a big puff, coughing as soon as he did.

“You’re losing your touch Nols,” You say, joking about when you were younger Nolan could smoke more than anyone - hockey being the only reason he’d stop. You take a huge puff of smoke, blowing it out easily.

“Why are we still friends? All you do is bully me,” Nolan says, nudging you with his shoulder lightly.

“You’re too grumpy for everyone else,” You say, “I just put up with it.”

Nolan laughs, and your heart swells at the sound. You’d missed him, and you were happy to have him with you. He looked like your Nolan when he was home, his eyes a little glassy from the joint, his cheeks rosy and full of joy, and his eyes that only ever seemed to be on you.

“How are you?” You ask, leaning your head on his shoulder. You knew he had a rough season with everything that was going on. You’d wished you could have been there but you got so wrapped in school you couldn’t find the time to make the trip out to Philly.

“Some days are good, some days are bad,” Nolan says solemnly, “I wish I got to play.”

“I wish you got to play too,” You say, moving your hand to run through his hair, “You’ll be back on the ice soon.”

You fell into a long conversation about what the other person had missed. Nolan told you about his year, living with Kevin and TK’s usual antics. You talked about how college was going, living out in Alberta to go to art school. You got so excited talking about your classes and what you’d been creating.

“Speaking of art school, take any thought to those post grad plans?” Nolan asks, looking down at you next to him.

You sigh, knowing what he’d been referring to. He mentioned it from time to time, moving to Philly with him after you finally graduated. He knew it was a good city to create art in and that you would have more opportunities out there. You weren’t sure if you wanted to up and leave everything you’ve ever known to move all the way to Philadelphia - even if it was with Nolan.

“I don’t know Nols,” You say.

He nods, it was the same answer you always gave him, “I just want you to have every opportunity you deserve.”

You smile, he’d always been your number one supporter. You sometimes think you could the worst painting in the world but Nolan wouldn’t hesitate to say he liked it. He didn’t totally understand art, and it definitely wasn’t his comfort zone but he always listened to you talk about it anyways. 

“I’ll give you an answer next summer,” you say, “Pinky promise.”

Nolan’s eyebrows raise at the seriousness of your voice, “A pinky promise?”

“Yeah Nols, let’s go, hold it out,” You say, holding your pinky out for his to link with yours.

“If it matters, I really want to have you out in Philly with me, you’ll love it,” Nolan says, throwing his arm around you to pull you closer.

Your face finds its usual spot, tucked right under Nolan’s chin, he still felt the same. He talked more about Philly, and all of the things about it he knew you’d love. You doze off, the sounds of Nolan’s deep voice putting you to sleep easily.

--

You scan the house party for the millionth time, waiting to see when Nolan was getting there. He had a late afternoon skate, and you knew for a fact that he was going to pass out afterwards - but at this point you thought he was never going to make it out.

“Are you looking for your other half?” You hear your friend, Kacey, say.

“He’s not my other half,” You say to the tattooed brunette next to you, her eyebrow raised at you, and you took a big gulp of your drink to try and avoid the topic all together.

“He wants you to move to Philly with him after you graduate,” Kacey says, “You’re practically married, and he’s here.”

Your whips around to the front door, Nolan walking in, his skateboard in hand and a case of beer in the other. 

You hear Kacey scoff at how quickly you turned your head, “I hate both of you really.”

Kacey walked away as soon as Nolan spotted you, walking over to you and wrapped you in a tight hug.

“Nice of you to show up,” You say, pulling back from his arms, “Take a good nap?”

“How did you know I was asleep?” Nolan says, grabbing a beer for himself.

You turn your head, giving him a knowing look, “We both know you’ve been passed out for the last like four hours.”

Nolan laughs, “You’re 100% right.”

Nolan sticks by your side for the rest of the night. He’s never been one for parties, even if all of his friends were there. You didn’t mind, having Nolan around allowed you to drink however much you wanted. You knew he’d keep you safe, and there wasn’t anything bad about having all of his attention. He’d been your partner for beer pong, ignoring the look Kacey was giving you from across the table. You had lost him eventually, after you insisted he danced along to the Blink 182 song that was playing on the speaker. 

“Nols!” You say, finally finding him across the party, leaning against the wall on his phone, you step in his arms, the alcohol blurring the boundaries you usually set for yourself. 

Nolan slipped his phone back into his pocket, one his hands moving to weave through your hair, “Ready to go?”

You nod, definitely ready to pass out. Nolan smiles, grabbing his skateboard he’d left right at the door, and your hand, walking right out the front door. 

Your mouth curves up to a smile, “Nols…” you whine, trying your best to pout at the boy in front of you.

Nolan sighs, turning around so you could hop onto his back. You jump up, legs wrapping around his waist. Nolan drops his skateboard, stepping onto it and heading in the direction of your house. It wasn’t the first time you made Nolan carry you home, it was so easy when he just could. 

“Are you ever going to get sick of this?” You mutter into his shoulder.

“Of what? Carrying you home?” Nolan asks, and you nod, “Nope.”

“You’re lying,” You tease, knowing there was no way Nolan hasn’t gotten sick of you yet. You’d been bothering him since the day he moved next door and you knew you wanted the rosy cheeked boy to be your best friend. Your eyes started to get heavy when Nolan finally hit your street, stopping in front of your house.

“Be sure to give me a five star rating,” Nolan says, bending down gently so he could get you down.

“Ride was a little bumpy, you can have four,” You say, opening the gate to the front of your house, “Get home safe Nols.”

Nolan rolled his eyes, waiting for you to walk into your house. He closed the gate behind you, walking over to his house to head to bed, checking his window one more time to make sure you were in bed before he fell asleep.

--

You walked around the small art supply store, the same place you’d been working in since you were sixteen. It was the best, you got a great employee discount and the older couple who owned it let you work when you were home from college. The bell above the door chimes, Nolan stepping into the store, two iced coffees in his hands.

“Is that Nolan?” Barbara, the owner of the store, called out as soon as he walked in, “Here to get Y/N into trouble?”

Nolan laughs, handing you your coffee and looking over to the older woman standing behind the counter, “If anything, I’m here to keep her out of trouble.”

You roll your eyes, “Hardly, Barb he can’t even tie his shoes.”

“I can! I just choose not too,” Nolan bickers back.

Barbara laughs at your antics, “You two are so funny, I’m going to run out, I think you guys can handle it?”

Nolan salutes the older woman while you snicker behind him, “I think she trusts us too much.”

“Us? It’s you she trusts too much,” Nolan says.

Nolan spends the rest of your shift at the store bothering you. He helped you stock the shelves, reading off the weird names of the paint bottles he was putting up. And when you asked Nolan why he was spending a beautiful summer day inside working with you, he just shrugs and tells you there's nothing he’d rather do.

--

Summer nights had always been spent the same. They were either at some party, the treehouse, or Nolan and yourself would just hang out in your room. He’d let you paint, setting up his own video games in your bedroom so he could keep you company. You both enjoyed your peace and quiet - but you enjoyed it even more with each other. 

Tonight was one of those nights, you were standing in the corner of your room, a blank canvas in front of you. You’d been looking for inspiration for almost a week, just having no idea what to even work on. You tie your hair up into a bun, and you step back, hands fiddling with the end’s of the oversized t-shirt you had over your shorts.

“What’s up with you?” Nolan asks, his focus not breaking the game he was playing.

“I don’t know what to paint,” You huff, hands on your hips.

Your mind ponders for a minute, and you pull out the box of polaroids next to your bed. You dump them on your bed, hoping you took a picture that could spark something. Nolan pauses his game, moving to look at the picture you poured out. There were ones of him, and ones you took when you came to see him in Philly. There were images of your friends, your roommates at college, and your family. You took your camera with you everywhere, you just liked having the memories. Nolan pulls a photo up, of someone’s back painted with a scene of the beach.

“Oh that’s Kacey,” You say, it was something you’d seen on Instagram that you wanted to try.

“You could do that to me?” Nolan says, voice deeper than usual.

You think about it for a moment, Nolan was big, and quite frankly his back wasn’t a bad canvas, “Okay turn around.”

You move to grab some paint and some brushes, watching as Nolan grabs the back of his t-shirt, tossing it in the corner of your room. You shake any of the dirty thoughts that ran through your head as you sit next to him. Nolan turns to you, grabbing your leg and swinging it over his waist so you were straddling him, grabbing his controller and going back to his game. You take a deep breath, and get to work. You think about what you’re going to paint, but you just let your mind rest - painting whatever came to your mind at the moment.

“Tell me if the paint is too cold for you,” you say, moving to create some sort of base on his back.

“I think I can handle it, Y/N” Nolan deadpans. 

You start to think about Nolan and the thing he loves most, painting a forest in the back that looked like the one at lake you’d both spent your summers at. You painted evergreen trees and a glimpse of the lake in the corner. Quite frankly, by the time you were done you were proud of yourself.

“Take a picture, I want to see,” Nolan says.

You grab your phone, snapping a photo and tossing it to Nolan, “This is sick, you should really draw me something to get tattooed.”

“You don’t trust me that much,” You say, glancing at the photo on your screen, “Can I post this on my Instagram story?”

You ask, you always did. Nolan was a private person, and you knew he liked it that way. It was better than having to deal with him when he was grumpy.

“Go for it,” Nolan smiles, “I should probably head out.”

“Don’t sleep with that on your back,” You scold, watching Nolan as he goes to climb out the window of your bedroom, “Use the door, we’re adults Nolan.”

“I’ll be fine,” Nolan assures you, climbing down just like he used to when you’d hang out all night instead of sleeping.

You clean up your brushes and paint, trying to shove the feelings about the way Nolan’s back muscles moved under your touch to the back of your mind, to be locked up forever. You slide into bed, checking your phone to see only one notification, a DM from TK.

Tell me that’s Nolan

--

With summer came a various string of weekends up at the lake with your friends. The older you’d gotten, the more fun the weekends had become. You were all almost adults, just riding out one of the last summers together, and you all decided to rent out the house you usually did, cause it might be one of the last times you do. You sat in the passenger seat of Nolan’s jeep, just like you always did. Your coffee in one hand, and Nolan’s phone in the other, mindlessly changing the songs for the ride. You glance over at Nolan, the roof was off his jeep, and his hair had hit the morning light just right. He looked good, he always did.

“Did you really have to tell TK that was me in your story? He hasn’t stopped making fun of me for days,” Nolan says, looking at you.

“You guys spend so much time together, I think he just knew,” You say, knowing they’re basically a married couple at this point.

Nolan shakes his head, turning up the street to the lake house. You spot all the cars that were already there, knowing you and Nolan had to have been the last people to arrive. You run inside, leaving Nolan to grab your bag out the trunk, running right into Kacey’s arms.

“Don’t be mad at me,” Kacey says, pulling back, “I miscounted and there’s one room left so you and Nolan are going to have to bunk up.”

Nolan walks in during Kacey’s sentence, “That’s fine, which one is it.”

Kacey points to the room upstairs, Nolan nodding, your bags already in his hands to bring upstairs. You turned to Kacey when he was out of earshot, “You did this on purpose.”

“If rooming together is all it would take to get you guys together, it’s not the rooming together it’s the fact that you guys are obsessed with each other,” Kacey says.

“Best friends, we are best friends,” You defended, you knew better though. Something was shifting between the two of you, but you didn’t know if it was from getting older or if it was something more.

Kacey shakes her head at you while you head up to your room, Nolan unpacking his stuff.

“You’re okay sharing a room?” you ask, knowing you could bunk with Kacey if you really had to.

“I’m fine with it, I’m going to go fishing with the boys for a bit, I’ll see you after?” Nolan says, stopping at the bedroom.

“No I’m actually going to go home,” you say sarcastically, unpacking your own bags.

You spend the rest of the afternoon next to the lake, getting a tan and day drinking with Kacey and the rest of your girlfriends. You guys head inside, setting up for the party you were throwing for the rest of your friends who’d been up at the lake too. You get dressed for the silly tourist theme you’d planned, tucking the terrible Hawaiian shirt you’d bought into the jean shorts you were wearing. Nolan pops out behind you and you take in his outfit, the shorts that hit above his knee, showing off his thigh tattoo, the Hawaiian shirt that matches yours, and his god awful mid calf socks. He had his vans on - and of course they were untied.

“You have the worst taste in fashion,” You laugh, Nolan striking a pose in response.

“Sorry we’re all not you, I can’t make this shirt look good,” Nolan says, poking at your sides gently, causing you to blush.

He walked out of the room and you took a deep breath, trying to collect your thoughts. It was now or never with your feelings, you either had to tell him or you had to just get over him but you couldn’t keep pushing them down, it was going to drive you crazy. You move down to the party, seeing it’s in full swing already. You grab a drink, moving to go play drinking games with Kacey. After a few hours, you were a little buzzed but mostly sweating from the heat inside. You step out, walking over to the docks and staring out at the lake in front of you. You hear heavy footsteps behind you, and you knew it had to be Nolan.

“Needed a minute?” Nolan asks, knowing you would disappear from parties from time to time, and you nod because he was always right.

“Nols, can I ask you something?” You ask, your voice small, a tiny amount of courage guiding you to ask him a question that’d you wanted to ask since he got home, “Do things feel different between us?”

“Do you want them too?” Nolan asks, looking over at you with rosy cheeks, and a nervous look in his eyes.

“So badly,” You whisper, looking into his eyes that had gone soft at your words. Nolan leans in and you stop him for a moment, “Nolan this has to mean something to you too.”

“Everything, it means everything,” Nolan says finally, planting a kiss on your lips, your bodies molding together out on the dock underneath a twinkly night sky. It felt so right for your lips to be on his, your hands running through your hair, and hearing him finally say that he felt the same you have.

“So Philly?” Nolan asks, finally pulling away, the question he asked you when he first got home still burning.

“We’ll talk later,” You promise, stealing another kiss from his lips.

[el-gilliath]

Maybe Forever

I did two remixes this year, and for @rnmremix I took on @daughterofelros and her story Maybe Someday which is about Michael plantsitting Alex’s plants. I turned it around, and this has Alex plantsitting Michael’s plants. I angsted in this, but the ending is still happy. Happy reading!

Ao3

It takes him by surprise when he gets the question, as it’s something he never thought Michael would ever be a fan of. Not because it’s wrong, immoral, strange or anything like that. He just didn’t expect it. Because, you know, it’s... Plants. Green things with foliage and sometimes flowers in all different shapes and sizes. Michael is rough, wild curly hair, motor oil, science and sass. Plants don't seem like something he would enjoy or care about. But here he is, down in Michael’s bunker where plants really shouldn’t thrive. But they are. Thriving, that is. Growing wild and beautiful in what is seemingly organized chaos around Michael’s science equipment and feats of mechanical engineering.

“This is what you want me to watch for you? Plants?” he asks incredulously as he looks around.

“Yeah? Something wrong with plants?”

He can hear the defensiveness in Michael’s tone of voice, and he flinches minutely. “That’s not what I meant, Guerin. I’m just surprised. I didn’t know you had them, especially down here.”

“There's nothing wrong with keeping plants down here you know.”

“I know that,” Alex says, his own tone becoming more defensive. “I’m surprised you have plants, I didn’t know that would interest you. That’s all.”

“I can have hobbies you know,” Michael replies, looking like he’s already regretting asking Alex to water them while he’s gone for a week.

Alex just looks at him, eyebrows lifting at the way Michael is acting, wondering if they can ever be close again without bickering. Michael seems to realize it too, as his posture relaxes with a deep sigh. He’s visibly calming himself down, and Alex can’t help but admire how easily he does it. Especially since he knows it isn’t easy at all for Michael, so used to keeping the charade that keeps him and his family safe up at all times.

“Sorry. I’m being defensive for no damn reason over here.” Michael sighs again, impossibly deeper this time. Like sighing takes deep stress away from him. Maybe it does, for all Alex knows. “My mom kept plants, and could grow them with her powers. I… I wanted to try it too.”

“You’re doing a great job,” Alex says, smiling at him. It’s tentative, but honest. Real. “And I’m sorry too, I was honestly just surprised, I didn’t mean to make you feel bad about it.”

“It’s okay.” Michael smiles in return. “So. You think you could be up for it?”

“Yeah, I’ll watch over them. No promises they’ll be alive when you get back though.”

“Nah, you’re Alex Manes. You can do anything.”

The smile on Alex’s face turns wry, probably a bit unsure. It’s not true, in so many ways. But he appreciates what Michael is trying to do. The confidence he’s trying to instill in the face of a task Alex has never had before. Michael knows how uneasy he is when it comes to situations like this. But he’ll power through like he always does. Especially for Michael. And it’s plants. It can’t be that hard.

-----

He quickly finds that he’s wrong. So damned wrong. He has no idea how Michael created a thriving garden in the dark bunker but it quickly becomes apparent that Alex cannot do the same thing. He can water them and trim them if needed but three days into Michael’s week away from Roswell and they’re starting to droop. Sad, missing Michael, drooping. The worst part is he knows how they feel. And his life has officially turned even weirder now that he’s sympathizing with plants. But he can’t help but feel for them, as the flowers lose a little of their shine the longer Michael is away, how the leaves aren’t quite as green. Their person isn’t there anymore. Maybe they’ve given up on Michael coming back.

Kind of like Alex has. Oh, he knows Michael is coming back to town, he’s only in Albuquerque for a week with Isobel. But as the days grow longer the plants still turn sadder.

If he can’t do this one thing for Michael, how can he ever hope to get him back. In the way he wants, in the way it matters. Back in his arms, his life, preferably one day his, or even their, house. After Maria, after Forrest, after his dad.

Realizing he wanted Michael officially back, out, proud and completely took a long time. The knowledge of it not so hard, the need and want harder. They’ve wasted time, so much damn time. And here he is, surrounded by green and yellow and blue, things so important to Michael because his mom was supposedly good at it. And Alex is having the hardest time keeping them alive and well. It’s making him feel like his dad, trapping aliens behind glass walls and torturing them for kicks.

He just wants to do this right. Then maybe, just maybe, he can find the courage within to tell Michael his hopes. But it’s not looking too good. He’s tried everything, watering, giving them lots of light, talking to them, hanging out in the bunker in case it’ll help. But so far it’s not working and the plants just droop more by the hour. Michael coming home is still three days away, they’ll end up being dead if he can’t fix this. And he fears whatever progress they’ve made will die with them.

He’s out of options though, he doesn't know what to try next. He’s not an alien, he doesn’t have powers nor gifts with anything besides guns and computers. Neither which will be handy here. He looks around desperate to find something that can help.

He doesn’t expect to spot a guitar. The same guitar he tried gifting to Michael which failed desperately. The same guitar he regifted him later, after Maria, after Forrest. When death of loved ones and broken hearts weren’t between them. When they could actually call each other friends. Regardless if that friendship was still fraught with tension, a will they or won’t they that still weighs heavily on them. Even when they try to push past it and just be.

But the guitar means much to them. Music in general means much to them. Maybe it’ll help.

He picks it up gently, taking it out of its case with great care before running his hand over it and smiles. The strings have just been changed, Michael has been taking good care of it. Something eases inside of him when he sees that, though he doesn’t quite understand why. The guitar isn’t a symbol of their relationship, Michael making sure the guitar is in tip top shape doesn’t really mean anything. It just means he likes playing. It still brings a tingle to the pit of his stomach which he crushes swiftly and surely. There’s no point in useless hope.

He brings it over to the chair by Michael’s drawing board and sits down, settling it gently on his legs and making sure no pressure is on his prosthesis as he sits with the guitar. He takes a few deep breaths before he strums. Of course the guitar is finely tuned.

He still checks everything before softly starting to play. He’s played Wonderwall a thousand times, he’s sick as hell of it but he still plays it first every time he picks up a guitar. Old habits are hard to break. He plays bits of the melody to warm up, humming alongside it as he does. Five minutes in, he’s relaxed, he’s more settled, he feels good.

He drifts from Wonderwall, eyes closing as he moves over to various songs from Breaking Benjamin, stripped down versions of My Chemical Romance, seamlessly switching to Blink 182, Placebo, Snow Patrol and The Strokes. He loses himself in A Perfect Circle, in Third Eye Blind and The Cranberries, resurfacing after he’s hit Linkin Park, Gavin Degraw, Panic! At the Disco and the odd Spice Girls song just to switch it up.

He lets the last note fall as he breathes out, smiling at the peace he feels just from the instrument in his hands, his voice slightly raspy from singing and the contentment of being wanted and free in Michael’s space. He smiles to himself, taking another deep breath as he opens his eyes again, looking at his watch to find that almost three hours has passed since he started playing. He’s not surprised though, music has always been the place he felt the most free, the most able to be himself.

He takes another deep breath, briefly closing his eyes again as he centers himself before he looks up at the plants. They look the same, but no worse either, so he figures he’s done all he can for the day. He decides to go home for the night, he’ll come back tomorrow and continue trying his best to keep them alive. He doesn’t want to fail now.

———

The shock comes when he gets down the ladder the next evening after a gruelling day at the base. He comes down expecting the plants to be their usual droopy selves but instead he finds them perked up, their foliage nice and green, the flowers shining and pretty. He almost calls out Michael’s name to check if he’s there, but he knows he’s not, having talked to him just an hour earlier. He’s still in Albuquerque, still there for a couple days with Isobel and the newly arrived Max. Just three aliens in the big city, he’d joked, Max hissing at him to keep his voice down in the background while Isobel laughed. They deserve the time away to just be siblings, after everything. But the thrill of Michael calling him still sits in his brain, making him smile.

But there’s still the mystery of the plants. Happier plants. Plants who don’t look like they’re on the brink of giving up. And the only thing he did differently was playing guitar and singing. Maybe that’s how Michael keeps them happy. He decides not to mistrust his instincts the way he usually does and after checking the soil and making sure everything else is okay he gets out the guitar again. He still starts with Wonderwall, still hates it, still can’t break the habit. But he moves along faster than yesterday, switching to other songs of Oasis, moving along to Death Cab for Cutie, The White Stripes, Stereophonics and HIM, before jumping over to Shinedown, Muse, Journey and Creed. He plays for hours like yesterday, loves every minute of it, and feels more relaxed when he opens his eyes again at the end and sees the plants visibly better in front of his eyes.

He laughs to himself, a laugh filled with more desperation and relief than he wants to admit. But it’s okay. Maybe he can do this.

———

He spends hours down in the bunker the next two days, playing everything and anything he has in his repertoire, rediscovering the love he has for the music he grew up with and feeling the thrill of just his hands, his voice and the guitar, surrounded by Michael’s space, Michael’s plants, Michael’s mechanics. He’s surrounded in every way by Michael Guerin, and his own wants, hopes and dreams for the man and what he longs for them to become. He’s spent years away from Roswell and Michael before but now, after one week of him gone, after one week of his voice in his ears as they talk and laugh on the phone until Isobel or Max drags him away, he misses him. Misses everything that they were, everything that they are, everything that they’re heading for. And Alex knows where they’re headed, now. Knows where he wants them to head.

He’s there when he hears Michael’s truck, still playing guitar, strumming along on notes shaping up to be another song, the melody forming underneath his fingers as words form in his head. He doesn’t stop playing, but instead listens as the truck stops and Michael gets out, as his heavy steps move towards the bunker and down the ladder. He opens his eyes as Michael stops, watches him with a smile forming as Michael stares at him and the plants in awe.

“Damn Alex, I’d have stayed home if I knew listening to you play was on the menu.”

Alex snorts, stopping his strumming and placing the guitar back in the case before he gets up on his feet. “It was the only thing I could think of to keep them alive. We had a few dicey days before I started playing, and apparently they liked it.”

“You’re a good player, Alex, no wonder they liked it.”

Alex smiles, taking a step closer to Michael. “Maybe. I’m just glad I got to be here, it’s been fun.”

Michael tilts his head in that inquisitive way of his, but Alex just shakes his head. His revelations and discoveries are too heavy for this moment, he’ll get to them eventually. Michael nods, understanding without needing words that this is something to be left for now. They’re good at that, easy, silent communication. Too bad they kind of suck at the harder communication, but that’s all fixable.

“Hey. Thanks for doing this.”

“Any time, Michael.” Alex looks down for a second. “I’m happy you trusted me with this.”

“I had no doubts you could do it. The doubts were all yours.”

Alex can’t deny that’s true. But here, in the bunker, surrounded by plants and Michael smiling at him in his carefree and relaxed way, Alex feels another doubt snap. And before he lets himself second guess it, he steps forward and cradles Michael’s face in his hands. He sees the look of shock, but also the hope that blooms in Michael’s eyes and pulls him softly towards him in case Michael pulls back. But he doesn’t have to worry, Michael pushes forward as easily as Alex pulls and their lips meet softly. It’s a sweet kiss, a familiar one, but no less exciting with no small amount of fireworks firing in the pit of Alex’s belly as Michael puts his arms around his waist and pulls him closer still. It’s everything Alex wanted, everything he needs, the appreciation and love for Michael flaring as their first kiss in a long time keeps on going.

It turns from sweet to needy, to wanting, to unbelievably hot quickly, but that’s always the way it is with them. They can’t help but want each other in all ways. They both break apart at the same time, moving away from the kiss but not from each other, leaning their foreheads together as they smile and laugh at each other, their happiness bubbling between them. It’s never a question if both of them want it, they already know that. Maybe this time they can have it too.

“So,” Michael says after a while. “My plants decided to try and die on you and you got them back by singing and playing to them? How’s you figure that out?”

“Well.” Alex sneaks another kiss just because he can, a thrill going through him as Michael hums in a happy tone. “I figured you sang to them. You know, since your guitar was down here.”

Michael pulls back and gives him a puzzled look. “Alex, I live in an old airstream in the middle of a junkyard. I keep it down here so it won’t be stolen.”

“Oh,” Alex says. “I didn’t even think of that.”

“I’m glad you didn’t.” Michael kisses him again. “I’m glad you can afford not to.”

“Guerin-”

“No, Alex. Your life has been shitty enough, be happy you don’t have to worry about that too.”

“How about...” Alex pauses, gathering his courage. “How about you keep it at my place? It’ll be safe there too.”

“Oh yeah?” The smile Michael gives him is blinding, beautiful. Happy. “You wouldn’t mind having me in your space?”

Alex smiles in return. He leans in, kissing Michael dirty and hot, the way both of them want it. ”I definitely wouldn’t. I’ll even take the plants, if you want to.”

He smiles wider as Michael laughs, head thrown back with unruly curls bouncing as he does. They need to talk, figure them out and take it day by day. But he’s so gorgeous, and Alex wants to keep him forever. Him and the green things who are perking up even more in Michael’s presence. And here he thought they were bonding.

“The guitar first. The plants we can talk about down the line,” Michael replies when he finally stops laughing. He tilts his head forward, looking at Alex through long lashes. Alex feels the same want bubbling in his stomach as always. He wants Michael in his bed, in his kitchen, in his living room. He wants him close, he wants them to be good. Together. They have a long way to go still, but it feels like a beginning. It feels like hope.

“I’d like that.”

[maxwell--lord]

Always Been You

Pairing: Maxwell Lord x F!Reader

Rating: M

Words: 2182

Warnings: Sexual tension, language, some angst, fluff.

Summary: Maxwell Lord and you were dating for two years when you walked in on him in the office with an investor and you called it quits- now he’s reaching out to you, a year later, to give you some closure before you leave forever, but what he doesn’t expect is that you feel the same way about him as he still feels about you.

A/N: This is the first time I’ve ever really written anything other than poetry and I hope this is received well. I’ve also never uploaded anything like this to tumblr before, so hopefully this works out correctly for me. I hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it!!  

Maxwell groans, gripping the bed sheet in his hand, he's been dreaming of you again- while laying next to another one night stand. He grips the sheet harder before letting out a breathy moan of your name, before he sits straight up in bed and glances at the time. 3:02 am, he's drenched in sweat and the cool air on his skin sends chills down his spine, he sighs and whips the blanket off of him before climbing out of bed. He grabs his phone, tapping the screen to scroll his contact list, selects your name and chooses to send you a text. "Y/N, can we talk? It's been a while- I know. I fucked up- and I wanted to clear the air, before you leave New York forever. I know the timing is bad, I'm sorry. Please give me a call later", he presses send and places his hand to his forehead, squeezing gently and pulling his hand down his face. He looks back at the woman, who is peacefully sleeping, and he thinks that sending you that message might have been a mistake. His eyes widen as he feels his phone buzz in his hand and he thinks "there's no way that she's calling me now, she shouldn't even be awake". He quickly looks down at the phone to see your name across his screen and he scrambles to get out of his bedroom quickly, shutting the door behind him, he swipes his finger across the phone and slowly raises it to his ear "Hello? Maxwell???" you softly speak and his voice trembles "H-hey Y/N" , "Why did you text me? Why do you want to talk? The last time we spoke you couldn't even give me an explanation for what I saw in your office. You literally broke my heart, Max." you say, with pain in your voice and he can sense it, the hurt, still as fresh as it was, a year ago. He sighs "Y/N, I fucked up. I was only worried about how I could keep the business running. I wasn't worried about the one thing that mattered most to me", you cut him off "Oh, and now, suddenly, a year later you want to talk to me about it? Now that I am going to leave to get away from seeing you in everything I look at? Maxwell, please spare me the bullshit" anger now penetrating your voice "Y/N, listen please. What you saw wasn't me- I mean it was me, but it wasn't me. Alice was our biggest investor and I didn't think she was a threat to our relationship, not until that day... Not until she pulled me into her.. I know what it looked like and I know I should have heeded your warnings and your feelings before, but I promise you- I never wanted anything to do with her" he sputtered with anguish in his voice. You softly spoke "Max, a-are you t-telling me that she propositioned you and..." you trail off, your breath hitching as you gasp for air, your throat swelling and your eyes filling with tears. Maxwell can tell you're beginning to cry and he inhales sharply "Y/N, please don't cry. It would be easier to talk to you in person, I know its now.." he looks over at the clock "3:30 am, but if you want to meet for breakfast at the Radio?", your lip trembles and tears stream down your cheeks.. a year has gone by and you're just finding out the truth, learning that what happened wasn't his idea and he wasn't comfortable with the situation and your breath trembles as you speak "M-max, I don't think I can wait- is there any chance we can meet now? You can come to my place" you ask. Max looks over his shoulder at the woman sleeping in his bed and he thinks for a second "Yes, I would like that more than waiting. Let me get dressed and I'll drive over" he says and you can feel a smile crack at the sides of your mouth "Okay Max, I'll unlock the door for you. I'll see you soon."  you sigh and you hang up the phone.

Maxwell walks over to the bed, sighing and looking at the clock, it blinks 3:45 am and he gently nudges the woman until she wakes and softly says "I will have an uber here for you in 15, you need to go, please. I'm sorry I brought you here, it was a mistake" and she looks up at him in the glow of the light from the city "It's alright, Maxwell, I was going to sneak out while you were on the phone, but you were pacing around the room and I didn't want to startle you or make a ruckus, it seemed like you are trying to fix a relationship that meant everything to you, and I truly hope that she is everything you’ve ever wanted" she said, without any regrets or anger in her voice. He walks to his bathroom, flicks on the shower and removes his boxers, slipping into the shower, as his guest shows herself out. Meanwhile, you're scrambling around your apartment, tidying up, you didn't want him to see your vulnerability and the sadness still lingering in your apartment. You set the Keurig up to brew some coffee and place a cup on the machine and press the button, nervously pacing your kitchen as you wait for the brew to finish so that you could make a second cup for Maxwell.

You look over at the clock and it says 4:25 am and you startle a bit as you hear the handle on your front door grind as Maxwell opens it and enters your apartment. You hear his footsteps louder than you've ever noticed before as he walks in and closes your door, turning around and walking towards you in the kitchen. He looks so perfect, so composed and you have your hair up in a messy ponytail, a loose shirt, tired bags under your eyes and you keep staring at him as he crosses the floor to you. "H-hey M-maxwell, you look amazing" you stutter out, holding up his cup of coffee towards him as he approaches, and you sip yours as he gently takes the cup out of your hand and leans against the counter across from you, smiling before saying "You look as beautiful as ever, Y/N, I've missed you so much, it hurts every single day", you blush and shift on your feet, while looking at him "So, what are we doing, Maxwell?" you avert your eyes so he can't see your tears welling up. Maxwell sets his cup down on the counter, gently, with a clink and steps towards you, slowly lifting your chin to look him in the eyes. Your eyes meet his soft brown eyes as they gaze into yours and you tremble, he takes your cup and places it on the counter next to you.

"Y/N, I know you've taken the job in DC and that you'll be leaving in a few days, but I couldn't let you go without telling you what happened- giving you that closure and asking for you to not hate me anymore" he swallows sharply and his lips pull back in when he does "I'm not here to ask you to stay, or to stop you from going, I just want to give you the closure that I've heard you have been wanting." he says as he's looking down into your gaze. Your eyes well up with tears and you place your hand on his wrist to pull his hand from your chin, sighing, "Max, I took that job because I was being haunted by seeing you everywhere, in everything I did. It's been a year and I am still so deeply in love with you, that hearing about your escapades just keep destroying me and I need to get away. I didn't even want this job with the agency, I don't want to work for them. I want to go back to my normal office job, with you. But every time I did something and started feeling happy again- someone came around and rubbed you in my face" you say breath hitching and tears rolling down your face "asking why I ever let you go and shit I just don't want to go back into". He lifts his other hand and gently wipes the tears from your cheeks with a sigh, looking away, you can see the pain in his eyes.

"I told you I made a mistake and I threw away everything we had, to try to advance our companies investments. When you left me that day, my heart broke into a thousand pieces and I went looking for anything to fill that void... the loss of you, I turned to meaningless sex, I've slept with 6 women since then... I've not called any of them again, and I felt sick after each one, always dreaming of you- waking up in a sweat, gripping my bed sheets. Standing here in front of you, is the happiest I've been since you left. Y/N, I am still in love with you. You're all I've ever wanted." he chuckles lightly and cups your cheeks with his hands "remember that song by Blink-182? "All of This".. the one I sent you 6 months back?" he smirks a bit and you nod your head and speak softly “yes, the one that I responded to telling you to not contact me...but contact is all I wanted from you”, still anxiously shaking in his hands "Again, I wait for this to pull apart, to break my time in two, another night with her, but I'm always wanting you" he says- "It's always been you, I want to ask you to give me a second chance but I also don't want to take away from you, this opportunity to work with the agency, even if you say you don't want this, it’s all you’ve dreamed of for years, Y/N." and you bite your lower lip gently, looking away from his eyes and fidgeting your fingers into each other, you inhale sharply "Max, kiss me. Kiss me like you're never going to see me again- please"  Maxwell smiles "I thought you'd never ask" and he leans down and places his lips against yours, his warm but familiar lips send a shiver down your spine as you wrap your arms over his shoulders and place one of your hands in his hair, his hand still on your cheek, his other hand drops to the small of your back and pulls you in close against him and he kisses you with the passion he had the very last time you kissed him. Your hand plays with his hair and he gently pulls away from the kiss, looking at you, holding you against him. Your breath hitching and your heart rate is higher than usual, you lick your lips, longing to still feel his lips against yours. 

"Max, I.. I don't want to go to DC and be away from you, I want to be with you, be by your side" you blink several times and your shaky voice begins to calm "You won't be taking this opportunity away from me. I had the option of staying here and working or going to DC. If you will have me again, I'll request that I stay here for this job, I'll just need to turn a room into an office here". Maxwell's eyes light up at you asking if he'd have you "Y/N, I'll always have you, I love you more than words can express." He glances around your apartment before looking back into your eyes "You don't need to make an office here, you can have a private office, next to mine, in our building". You look at him, smiling and your thoughts racing with how much you've missed him and how right this feels to you. "Max, I love you. I would love to have an office next to you" your breath hitches a little "I will call the agency when the main office opens at 8:00 am, and change my assignment to here, instead of DC." as you run your fingers through the hair at the back of his head still, "I won't leave you again, Max. I don't think either of our hearts could handle it". He chuckles gently and then moves both of his hands down to your butt, lifting you up to sit you on the counter in front of him. " 'll never make another mistake where I could lose you, ever. I promise you, Y/N, I love you- more than any words can express", looking into your eyes, that are now level with his. You pull his lips into yours and kiss him deeply as the sun rises and fills your apartment with orange and yellow hues against both of your flesh, and the sunlight glinting off of the glass buildings surrounding your Skytop apartment.

Tag list:

@starlightmornings

[pinksapphicprincess]

(💙) 9, 10, 18, 24, 28, 31, 34, 63, 65, 66, 67, 80, 81, 85, 88, 91, 94, 97, and 98! I hope you have a good day, cutie! 🥰

9. weird habit? Hmm...I don't like talking until after I've eaten breakfast. I've always been like this, and I wear headphones so no one talks to me djfhgdgadfkj. If I have a friend who spent the night though I'm too excited to care and will immediately start talking.

10. favorite meme? The "father, I crave violence" cat XD

18. last movie you watched? I believe it was Wolfwalkers!

24. what’s something most people love that you hate? Hardcover books? I don't understand the appeal, I hate it so much. I need softcover--hardcover ruins the experience for me.

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told? When I was reaaallly little I got into the habit of sticking my chewed gum under the dining room table. It was disgusting and I have no idea why I did that. But I blamed it on the neighbor kid who we were family friends with. That backfired because I couldn't take the pressure and told the truth 🤣

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows. I've looked on ex-friend's socials. I know I shouldn't, and I don't do it anymore. It was an attempted coping mechanism that backfired, and I didn't realize at the time how unhealthy it was.

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? I Miss You by Blink-182. Every time it comes on I'm always so excited. I'm never not in the mood to listen to it.

63. three things that turn you on. Well you know the first one but I'm not sharing my fetish in a public setting X3 second is definitely praise, and third is the position. You know the one...😏

65. favorite term of endearment? My love. I just adore it so very much. It's just that as well; pure adoration, and I can never get enough of it.

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening? Looking back, 100% it was Barbie movies. Femininity is so incredibly attractive to me, and I absolutely base my love of femmes and the way I love them on those movies.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls? Kind! My heart is very fragile and I just wanna be carefully, lovingly handled.

80. what is your “type?” Honestly I just love girls. But I have to say biggest type physically is Max from Life is Strange. Personality wise, optimistic, extroverted, adventurous, kind, and not easily embarrassed are some of my absolutely favorites. But yeah, that's just two of the biggest. I really do just like girls X3

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours? Fall asleep in her arms 🥺 I just wanna feel so warm and comforted and safe 👉👈

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses? I'm self conscious about both so definitely I would want both. I wanna be made to feel like those parts of me are attractive 🥺 👉👈

88. making out or soft kisses? Both again. I'm so excited to have my first kiss and start exploring that. And both are equally appealing to me 🥰

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach? Butterflies, so badly. It starts in my stomach and travels outwards until my whole body is tingling and I get uncontrollably giddy. Kinda shaky too sdjgsdkgjdj.

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl? Stuttered horribly. I trip up on my words as is, but when I'm nervous it gets so bad.

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter? When she sent me this ask 👉👈 💕

98. what is love to you? Being there through everything. It's the most intense happiness you've ever felt, and the deepest, darkest sadness you'll ever go through. I always think of Death Cab For Cutie's song What Sarah Said "Love is watching someone die." and that just hits me so hard every time. But then you look on the other hand and love literally saves lives. It's just so intricately woven into every aspect of the human experience, and I think that's beautiful <3 Also that scene in Date Night when she puts in her night guard but they forgot to kiss goodnight so she takes it out, and it's all slobbery but he doesn't even bat an eye and kisses her, then she puts it back in and they go to sleep. Again, just being human with each other.

[strangeinternetwasteland]

Regrets- Rei Todoroki Song Fic

This is my third submission for the @konoblog-simps Day 4 server collab.

A/N: Song Lyrics are italicized

Song: Stockholm Syndrome by Blink 182

WC: 1K

Warnings: Abuse / Angst

This is the first I remember

Everyone knew the whole thing was set up. Who didn’t? Everyone said it was a fairytale match. How perfect it would be for having children. This scared her more than she’d ever let on. That night she wore a red dress to match his flaming hair. Her hair was done up in a perfect coif. One befitting for the future wife of Enji Todoroki. The end of the night it wouldn’t matter, she’d be shoeless, and her hair would be undone.

This is the last left on my mind

If the implications of the first date were an indication of the rest of the impending marriage, there would be nothing to worry about. Enji was the perfect gentleman. Every touch seemed perfect, and chaste, and planned out. Almost magical to her at the time. The courtship was planned with the ending to be the perfect engagement. The idyllic wedding they had, the Autumn bellflowers, her favorite were the flowers she chose, and she could still smell them in the air. She felt on top of the world that day, as much as anyone could. How naive she was, thinking back about how she thought it would end up.

Afraid of the dark, do you hear me whisper?

Every time she closed her eyes. She felt the pain deep in her chest. The way she was used as nothing more than a vessel to carry his plans to fruition. When the first one wasn’t what he wanted, he threw that one away. He tried again, and again. The darkness and silence of the night always screamed her thoughts.

An empty heart replaced with paranoia

That night, the frantic phone call to her mother. The terrible things she thought about her own son. When she’d thrown boiling water on his little face. She only saw Enji. She saw the monster he was, and how there was nothing he wanted or cared for more than his own pride. The only reason he had children is so that they could be more powerful than All Might.

Where do we go? Life’s temporary

The death of her oldest son Touya wasn just the tip of the iceberg. All the things she let Enji do to her children in the name of his pride was more than anyone could bear. She’d end up regretting every moment.

After we're gone like new year's resolutions

She really didn’t come to terms with anything until she had everything taken away from her. He had forced her to stay away from all the children by placing her in a mental hospital. The days she’d spend with her endless thoughts, and the horrible visions, real and imaginary.

Why is this hard? Do you recognize me

The truth was she knew what she did was wrong. She knew that she should’ve not married for money, even if it was for her parents. Sometimes, she’d look in the mirror and not know who she was anymore. She didn’t know what to believe. It drove her mad, she wanted to believe in hope.

I know I'm wrong but I can't help believing

While the truth was always so blinding, and everything inside her told her that it wasn’t going to be any better. Every relationship with her children was severed, she had a small glimmer of hope deep inside, but it never did amount to anything more than a drop.

I'm so lost, I'm barely here

It was a few months into her stay when she noticed Autumn Bellflowers had appeared at her night stand in her room. The sight of them brought up so many feelings, but her anger stayed. How could someone who spent their whole marriage pretending to want nothing more than a bitch to breed, end up doing something like this? It was so hard to understand.

I wish I could explain myself but words escape me

For that brief moment, she believed Enji could actually love her. At least enough to have remembered something about her. Even after all these years, she felt like she still loved him. Despite being stuck in this physical hell.

It's too late to save me

She remembered the events that led up to this moment. She was truly lost. She wasn’t able to be saved, not by any hero, man, or person, except herself.

You're too late, you're too late

The long days that stretched into months and yawned into years, while she was put away. She always felt as if nothing in the world could ever make her children understand the pain that she felt, not that they needed to. It was her burden  and no one else’s to bear.

You're cold with disappointment while I'm drowning in the next room

The pain and sadness she’d feel looking out through the same window all the years knowing she was missing her children growing up, and becoming adults.

The last contagious victim of this plague between us

The most painful of all was little Shouto, missing his whole life. The day she was sent away was the day he lost all of her protection. Even if the reason she was gone was because of her. The terrible things she thought of Enji and the horrors he continued putting their youngest through.

I'm sick with apprehension, I'm crippled from exhaustion

It made her sick to her stomach to think of it all. After time, she became numb to it. More like, if she didn’t physically see it, it wasn’t happening. What a terrible excuse for a mother, and human she became

And I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me

It was hard, every single day living with the death of one child, the indifference of another, and the hatred of the youngest. Fuyumi coming to visit was her only saving grace, her only reason to live. Most days, she thought there was no real reason to live. Enji should’ve just killed her when he had the chance, which was often. There was truly no reason to continue. The numb, numberless days she spent thinking of everything. Maybe, just maybe she’d save everyone from dealing with her, and make it all end.

[spaceskam]

i’m a free spirit, that means free from you

i wrote a fic awhile ago about Michael exploring his sexuality. Now that it’s day 6 of @alexmanesappreciation (lost decade/missing scenes), it felt fitting for it to be Alex’s turn!

Warning: internalized homophobia and unhealthy relationships

ao3

.First Kiss.

“Oh, c’mon Alex, she likes you.”

Alex tried to smile as Kyle pestered him after they snuck out of their cabin and started wading through the woods. Summer camp was fine and all, but the longer he stayed there the higher the chances were that he was going to get in trouble. He just wasn’t sure what he was going to get in trouble for. It was just this stupid thing in his head that told him to be good, act normal, stop that.

They got louder every single time one of the other boys got too close to him when they were in their swim trunks.

“Yeah, but Katie? She’s not my type,” Alex said, mimicking what he’d heard his brother Greg say about the nice girl that was in the band at the high school. She made him cookies, wore a lot of stuff with skulls on them, and introduced him to a cool band called Blink-182. She stopped coming around after Greg told her she wasn’t his type.

“Type?” Kyle laughed, “She’s a girl! She’s got boobs!”

Alex tried to remind himself that he was supposed to like that even though he didn’t quite understand why.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Alex said, nodding. 

They reached the riverbank where the rest of their friends‒or, really, Kyle’s friends‒had congregated, sneaking out after the counselors had gone to their own party for the night. It was ten of them in total, five from the boys side of camp and five from the girls. Alex didn’t even want to sneak out, really scared of what would happen if someone found out, but Kyle had grabbed his arm and begged him and he just said yes.

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Katie said, making sure to look right at Alex as she said so. He instinctively looked to Kyle, hoping he would be on his side and say no.

“Oh, fuck yeah,” Kyle said, agreeing like the rest of the guys and girls. Alex was the only one who didn’t want to, but he couldn’t be the only one who didn’t want to. That’s how you get people to make fun of you.

So they all sat down and the game just started. Everyone was being dumb, daring dumb things that Alex thought were stupid. He was the only one that kept saying truth and, even then, they weren’t anything fun and then he couldn’t come up with anything good and it just wasn’t fun. He kept looking to Kyle, kept trying to signal to him that this wasn’t fun, but it didn’t seem to click.

“Alex, truth or dare,” Katie said, eyes on him. She was pretty, she was. She had pretty hair and a pretty face and... boobs or something. But every time she looked at him, he got a little nervous. 

“Truth,” he said again. Everyone immediately started complaining.

“You can’t keep saying truth!” Wyatt told him, “It’s no fun, you’re ruining the game.”

“Yeah, Alex, just say dare,” Kyle pressed. Alex glared at him for a second before sighing and slumping his shoulder. What could one dare do? Kyle had already drank river water.

“Fine,” he agreed, “Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss me,” Katie said. Everyone around them ooh’d and Alex felt straight up terrified for a moment. He was a kid, he was way too young to be kissing anyone. Thirteen was way too young, didn’t they know that. 

“In front of everybody?” Alex asked, voice cracking. She rolled her eyes dramatically. 

“No, silly,” she said and he almost sighed in relief. Almost. “In the woods.”

Another round of ooh’s surrounding him and making him feel like he had literally no fucking choice in the matter. He knew that if he tried to tell them he didn’t want to, they’d make fun of him. He knew if he asked for a different dare, they’d make fun of him. And, at the end of the day, it was just a kiss. Why not get the first one over with anyway?

Alex did what he was told and stood up. He and Katie went into the woods, just out of the line of sight of the rest, and then they just stood there. She was a little taller than he was and way too close, smiling at him as wide as she could.

“So...”

“So,” she said, “Kiss me.”

“I-I don’t really know how to,” he said. She rolled her eyes.

“It’s easy, you just do this with your lips,” Katie told him, pursing her lips and closing her eyes. And then she waited. Alex just stared at her for a minute until she opened her eyes and looked at him expectantly. “Alex, you gotta do it too.”

“Oh,” he said. And he did. And he kissed her.

It was quick and weird and he understood the whole kissing thing a billion times less than before. But when they separated, she was smiling so big and her face was red. Clearly she’d enjoyed it which had him lost even more. Did something happen that he missed? It just felt weird.

“You’re my boyfriend now, right?” she said. He blinked in confusion.

“Uh...”

“Yay!” Katie said, grabbing his hand and leading him back towards the group.

He wiped his mouth off on the back of his hand and started planning ways to avoid that ever happening again.

.First Crush.

Alex bit down on his thumb nail as he looked around the room, making sure no one would look over his shoulder.

Of course they wouldn’t, he knew that, it was a public library and no one cared, but still. His eyes swept around a couple more times before he realized the more he did that, the more suspicious he looked, so he might as well just do what he came here for.

He gulped harshly and, with shaky hands, clicked the internet icon. Quickly, he typed in how do you know if you’re gay in the search bar. It loaded too slow and it made him look around again as if his dad was going to come out of nowhere. He knew that wasn’t it. He was fifteen now, his dad did let him go to the library by himself. 

He scrolled through all the web pages, skimming the little summary but none of them answered his question. He just needed an answer, he needed someone to tell him. The more people around him called him gay, the less he felt like he understood it. How was he the one being called gay when they were the ones who compared their dicks in the locker room and he didn’t want to be apart of it? How was he the one being gay when he was the only one who looked away during that gross puberty class? How did watching the I Write Sins Not Tragedies music video more than once make someone gay? More importantly, what was so gay about having friends that were girls?

They all threw that word and none of them seemed to make sense. They never called him gay when he accidentally stared too long the first time he got in the locker room with the seniors. They never called him gay when he forgot how to breathe every time Mr. Edwards bent over to pick up a pencil. They never called him gay when he was really interested in watching wrestling. How was he supposed to know when everything seemed so disjointed?

Alex scrolled a little more and saw a link to something labeled ‘Am I Gay? Quiz 100% Accurate’ and, well, he couldn’t help himself.

 Question #1: What do you consider yourself? Straight, Gay, Bisexual, Other

He stared at it with furrowed eyebrows, the cursor hovering over each option maybe a little longer than he should’ve. He eventually settled on straight. He had kissed girls and had girlfriends before even if it wasn’t great, it was still what he’d been doing. That was straight. 

Question #2: In the locker room, did you ever peek over at another guy? Yes seize the opportunity, Yes but out of curiosity, No gross, No but I wanted to

Alex swallowed hard, his stomach churning. The mouse hovered over the first option. But was it like that though? Yes, he had looked, but he wasn’t trying to be gross or anything. He didn’t want to make anyone feel bad. He quickly selected the second option instead.

Question #3: You’re in a relationship with a girl, but you discover that there is a guy who likes you. What do you do? Stay with the girl because you like her, stay with the girl because you feel like you should, never go out with a girl in the first place, break up with the girl for the guy

That one at least felt obvious. Of course he would stay with the girl. What kind of person just breaks up with someone because someone else likes them? That’s just mean. He chose the second option instead of the first and decided not to think too hard about why.

Question #4: Would you ever cheat on a girl with a... girl, guy, I wouldn’t cheat

He smiled at the second no-brainer in a row. He would never cheat. He wasn’t an asshole. 

Question #5: Why are you taking this quiz? I’m bored, I’m confused, I’m gay

Alex stared at it longer than he should’ve. Why was he taking this quiz? Shouldn’t he know these things? It shouldn’t be hard. He should know who he was sexually attracted to, right? He should know. But it wasn’t that fucking easy. He’d met girls who were pretty. Did he want to sleep with them? No, but he hadn’t really met any guys in person that he wanted to sleep with either. It was too much, too confusing.

So, he clicked that he was confusing.

The loading bar stayed on the screen for way too long, but, sure enough, a screen popped up that he was, in fact, straight just a little confused. Which was apparently normal. Alex leaned back, nodding to himself. He was normal.

Alex exited out of the browser and got up, pulling out his iPod from his pocket. He put his headphones over his ears and waved to the nice librarian as he left before pressing play. He felt good, normal, as he walked in time to the MCR song that flooded through his ears towards Bean Me Up. He’d taken a test and even it said he was fine. He’d be fine.

He ordered a coffee and walked to the other side of the counter to wait, leaning against the wall. A smile easily found his face as Lying Is the Most Fun a Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off by Panic! At the Disco started flooding into his ears. He found it impossible not to smile when he heard Brendon Urie’s voice. How was someone that fucking talented?

Then everything slowed down as someone appeared outside the window.

The seductive singing only seemed to set the stage as Marcus Lopez, current quarterback at Roswell High, slowed to a stop, breathing heavy and sweating with his workout gear clinging to his brown skin that literally was glowing under the sun. Alex couldn’t fucking breathe as he pulled his shirt up and over his head and used it to wipe his face dry, exposing his toned stomach and flexing his biceps. He pulled a water bottle out of nowhere and poured it into his mouth, some of the water missing and sliding over each crevice of his body. 

Oh.

Oh.

.First Boyfriend.

“What are you playing?”

Alex looked over to the doorway to see Elijah Thibodaux staring at him. He was the senior boy who got the lead in every school musical and every solo in choir. He was talented and every girl in theatre and choir was obsessed with him. Alex, however, kept his appreciation to himself.

“Oh, uh, I wrote it,” Alex admitted, shyly looking back to his guitar. He tried to keep playing so he’d come off as cool, but he was feeling a little flustered. Boys didn’t really talk to him if they could help it and this one boy was not only talking to him, but he was super cute. 

“Musetta’s Waltz.”

“Huh?” Alex asked. Elijah smiled at him and walked further into the music room, straddling the chair beside him.

“That’s Musetta’s Waltz,” Elijah told him, “Not an original.”

Alex stopped playing, embarrassment filling his system. Leave to him to fuck it up the minute he tried to be cool. Elijah just laughed it off though, scooting closer. Alex tried not to seize up as his hand touched his back. Why was a suave senior touching him? What the fuck was that supposed to be mean?

Elijah’s hand slid up to Alex’s shoulder and he looked over at him.

“Go on, play something for me,” Elijah told him, looking at him with those obscenely green eyes and batting those long eyelashes against his pale cheeks. Alex swallowed hard and nodded, looking back down to his guitar. Instinct took over and Alex slowly started strumming the chords to Wonderwall. Elijah moved his hand up to his jaw. “You’re really good.”

“Thank you,” Alex said, looking over at him and trying to remember how to breathe. His strumming got a little sloppy, but it didn’t seem to matter. Elijah just leaned in close, smiling and his eyes flickering down to his lips and back up again. Alex didn’t have time to even process it before he was being kissed.

Alex stared with wide eyes as Elijah pulled away, struggling to comprehend what the hell just happened. It didn’t make any sense. Elijah was gorgeous and desired and Alex was… What?

“You just kissed me,” Alex said blankly. Elijah grinned.

“Yeah.” And then he did it again.

Alex melted at the attention. It was the first time a boy had ever given him so much attention. He had no idea what to even do with it. 

After that, Alex slowly found himself at Elijah’s beck and call. They would make out behind the bleachers and late at night after sneaking out. Elijah flooded him with compliments and only persuaded him a little to send raunchy pictures or do things he wasn’t quite sure about. But it was fine because he was his boyfriend. That’s what you did with boyfriends.

They carried on like that for a few months, all of it secret. Alex wanted to tell Maria and Liz about him a few times, but Elijah said it was a bad idea and he knew it. He loved them but he wasn’t sure they’d be able to keep it a complete secret. And no one could find out about Elijah and him because of his dad.

But it was a couple nights before the spring choir concert when Alex started hearing things about Elijah having a girlfriend. That didn’t make sense to Alex and he was sure it wasn’t real. People must’ve gotten things confused. Elijah was close to a lot of girls, it was bound to happen. Elijah was Alex’s boyfriend. No one else’s. But, still, Alex found himself a little more willing to send more explicit pictures for a couple days just to make sure he still held his attention.

Which didn’t stop him from walking down the hall, hand in hand with a girl on the day of the spring choir concert.

Alex didn’t know how to deal with the pain that flooded his system at the sight. He got irrationally upset and wanted to confront him right there, but he decided to wait. He waited until lunch time and they met up at their usual spot behind the bleachers. That’s where they would kiss and talk and do boyfriend things.

“I saw you with that girl,” Alex said boldly as Elijah went to greet him with a kiss. He had the audacity to be confused and, when he realized Alex was serious, he rolled his eyes. “Are you cheating on me?”

“Look, it’s not that big of a deal. I started talking to Cassie way before I even started talking to you,” Elijah told him. The way he said it made it sound like it made it less mean. It didn’t stop Alex’s heart from breaking. “It’s not the same.”

“What do you mean it’s not the same? You’re cheating on me!”

Elijah sighed, “Don’t be dramatic, it’s not cheating.”

“Then what do you call it?”

“Alex, it doesn’t even count. I mean, you’re a guy.”

Alex blinked and swallowed harshly, trying to follow his train of thought. It counted for him. It really, really counted for him. That wasn’t fair.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” Alex said softly. Elijah scoffed.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be like that.”

“No, ‘cause it counts for me. It’s cheating.”

Alex was proud of himself for being man enough to walk away.

Less proud of himself for taking all the way up until Elijah graduated two months later before he stopped answering every time he called.

.First Love.

“You trust me?”

“Um, yes.”

“Then c’mon.”

Alex bit down on his bottom lip as he caved and jumped into the passenger seat of Michael’s truck. They were newly graduated, fresh adults, and everyone was supposed to be going to graduation parties. Of course, Liz wasn’t around anymore and Alex was finding it hard to celebrate when Rosa was dead.

But he still told his dad he was going to one which meant he could sneak off with Michael.

Part of him felt a little guilty for allowing himself even a shred of happiness, but then all he had to do was look at Michael’s fucked hand and he realized nothing really mattered. Soon, he’d be off to basic and he’d have to leave Michael behind. He was going to steal all the happiness he could.

Michael draped his arm around Alex’s shoulders as he drove out to the middle of nowhere and Alex leaned into his side. His head hit his shoulder and his eyes closed, soaking up the closeness of, well, him. He smelled like motor oil since he drove straight from work to graduation. Alex didn’t mind. In fact, he was pretty sure he would miss that smell when he was gone.

Alex tilted his head back to press a kiss to his neck and, from the corner of his eye, saw Michael smile. He had such a gorgeous smile. He was just gorgeous in general with his big, expressive eyes and sunburnt cheeks. Beautiful, kind, caring, what more could someone ask for in a boyfriend?

The truck pulled to a stop in the middle of the desert, far away from where anyone could stumble upon them, much less find them on purpose. It was a comforting thought.

The two of them climbed into the bed of the truck and laid out his sleeping bags to give them some sort of cushion before they laid down. Alex laid directly in his arms and Michael responded with a sweet little hum as they got comfortable.

“So, what’s next?” Alex asked, “What’s your plan?”

“I don’t know. Fix up cars, work on ranches, save up money.”

“What happened to UNM?”

Michael was quiet for a moment before he exhaled heavily for a solid ten seconds. Alex tilted his head up to see that he very clearly hadn’t anticipated this conversation. Which was valid. But Alex knew they had limited time together. He wanted to make sure Michael was going to do something good with that big brain of his.

“I don’t think I’m gonna go,” Michael admitted, “Too big of a change all at once.”

Alex furrowed his eyebrows. “How? Everything’s gonna change already.”

“Yeah, but… At least staying here I have Max and Isobel,” Michael said. Alex lifted his head to meet his eyes. Michael was visibly sad, but he was trying to hide it. He sucked at hiding it. “I don’t know, I’m just not ready.”

“But you’re so smart. What happened to ag? You’ve been wanting to do that since I met you,” Alex pointed out. Michael forced a flirtatious little smile.

“Well, who’s gonna cheer me on when you’re gone?” he teased. But Alex didn’t find it funny.

“Guerin, don’t base your future around me. As much as I would love to be there with you every step of the way, you need to think about it for real. You could be something great, don’t bury yourself in me,” Alex told him, watching his smile fade. It was replaced by a sad bit of understanding.

“I know. I’m just gonna miss you,” he said.

“I’m gonna miss you too,” Alex agreed. 

Michael stared at him for a moment before looking away and up towards the sky, no longer making eye contact as he steadied his breathing. Alex knew he didn’t like talking about the future or the fact that Alex was leaving or the idea of growing up. For someone who had no real sense of stability, he hated any type of change. It was confusing and Alex didn’t know how to make him understand that he just wanted what was best for him.

Then it dawned on him that maybe that’s what love really was.

“Hey,” Alex said, gently laying his palm on Michael’s cheek and guiding his sight back to him, “I know it’s going to be weird after I leave and I still want you to do something good with your brain,  but this isn’t forever. I’m coming home. I don’t know when or, or who I’ll be when I do, but I’m gonna come home to you. I promise.”

And that seemed to be good enough for Michael. At least for that night.

.First ‘I Love You’.

“Like it fuckin’ matters? No one in our crew is a queer anyways.”

Alex forced a laugh and focused on his food. As of this morning, DADT was finally gone. Part of him thought he’d feel safer once it was, but he didn’t. The threat was still there. Now he just didn’t have a whole law to keep his self esteem from eating away at itself.

He wanted to shout it from the rooftops that he was here, he was queer, and if anyone had a problem with it, he would show them up. But then people that he hung out with every day, his friends, said things that scared the shit out of him. He knew that, if he came out, they probably wouldn’t actually care and would only require a little bit of reform, but the word probably still kept him in his cage.

“Manes!” Alex lifted his head to Col. Monroe, the man looking slightly more irritated than usual. “Do I need to send you to go hunt down Lawrence or is he on his way? I need to have a talk with him.”

A talk. Alex’s stomach dropped, but he didn’t let it show. Instead, he stood to his feet.

“I’ll go find him, Sir.”

“Good man.”

Alex discarded his tray quickly and headed to Jay’s place on base. His heart was thudding in his chest and slowly began to think this was probably on purpose. Jay Lawrence was a very reckless man and if almost pissing off someone high ranking was what it took to get Alex alone, well, he didn’t put it past him. 

Alex knocked on the door and it opened almost immediately. Jay stood at attention just to be safe, his toned body barely restrained by his almost-too-small uniform when he flexed, but he gave a sneaky little smile once he saw Alex. Then he pulled him inside. Once the door was closed, Alex was being kissed so senseless that it took him a moment to forget why he even came in the first place. 

He grabbed Jay’s elbows, breathing him in as he reluctantly pulled away. When he opened his eyes, Jay was just staring at him like he was the best thing to grace the Earth and it was easy to feel flustered by that. Alex wasn’t stupid, he knew Jay liked him more than he liked Jay. But Alex admittedly liked the attention and he definitely liked not feeling so alone, so he said nothing.

“DADT is fucking gone, A,” he said, a weight very clearly thrown off his shoulders, “Like officially. No rumors of it being gone, no vague date, no waiting. It’s gone. We, we could be something for real.”

Alex rubbed his thumb over his forearm, smiling slightly. He was younger than Alex, not by much but by enough. He had a family who loved him, who he was out to and who didn’t mind. They all agreed to keep hush so he could serve his country though. He was so pure and kind. He was way too good for Alex.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself,” Alex teased lightly, sliding his hand up to the side of his neck. He’d never been with a man who was so dark that it made him look so pale in comparison before, but, like always, he found it hard to stop staring. They looked good together, objectively, aesthetically. They could be so good. “People still don’t like it. They were bitching about it in the DFAC.”

“Fuck them, what are they gonna do?” Jay asked, stepping in close again to go for another kiss. Reluctantly, Alex dodged it.

“Monroe sent me to find you. Said he wants to talk to you,” Alex told him. His smile faded just a little.

“Okay, then I’ll go, but don’t change the subject,” Jay said, moving his hands to his hips, “C’mon, let’s talk about it. When can we make it public? Or, just, like stop trying so hard to hide?”

Alex stared at him, trying to find a way to say never. If it got back to his father that he was seeing someone in the Air Force, Jay would be so fucked. His career, his life, his entire self would never be the same if his father had a say. That was difficult to explain, especially to someone who had never met the man. But Alex heard it loud and clear when he first met the General and he said, “Manes? I served with your grandpa. Good man.”

He could never be safe and queer here.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea. Especially not here, not now,” Alex said softly. Jay’s smile dropped and Alex’s heart ached in its wake.

“A,” Jay said, shaking his head, “You said once DADT was gone, we could‒”

“The stigma is still there. We’ll still be targeted and I don’t want that for you, for either of us.”

“Fuck them!”

“That’s not how this works,” Alex said calmly, “These are people we have to fight beside, you can’t make them hate who you are and you can’t not care what they think.”

“I love you,” Jay said desperately, trying to get him to understand how much he didn’t care about anything else. Alex felt his mouth go dry and his eyes widened. “Look, if it’s that bad, let’s leave when our contract is up. I wanna be with you more than I want to be some fucking war hero.” 

“I…” Alex said, clearing his throat as he took a step back, “I’m not leaving the Air Force. I’m not coming out. I’m sorry.”

“Are you serious, right now?” Jay demanded. The hurt was clear on his face and Alex felt so fucking bad. But it wasn’t an option. “So what was all that shit you told me, huh? Just stuff to keep me around so your dick had something better than your hand?”

Alex didn’t know what to say, so instead he said nothing. Jay shook his head and sniffled and suggested that he leave. So Alex left.

The Colonel ended up telling Jay that his sister, a strong willed woman slowly climbing the ranks in the army, had committed suicide. He left after his term was up.

Alex thought about him more than he would ever admit. 

.First Pride.

 “Do you think I look too gay?”

“I am going to destroy that thought process one day. One day.”

Alex rolled his eyes, but Forrest grinned over his shoulder and dragged his hands over his hips and it was hard to be annoyed. Forrest was kind and supportive and brought a side of Alex out that he thought had been long buried. It made him feel a little bit better, a little bit stronger. Something was still missing, but he wasn’t scared anymore.

“But to answer your question, no, you don’t look ‘too gay’. Whatever that means,” Forrest said, “Even if you did, we’re literally going to a pride party so it doesn’t matter.”

“I don’t want your friends to think I’m weird.”

“Alex, all of my friends are queer. All of them. You will be the only straight-passing one there.”

“Straight-passing? That’s a thing?”

“You have so much to learn.”

Alex rolled his eyes again, shaking his head. Forrest just pressed a kiss to his neck before putting his hands on his shoulders, trying to massage out the tension. Alex didn’t think it would work. He was nervous to be so… out there. Sure, he kissed Forrest in the Wild Pony, but that was different. He was high on adrenaline. This was real and prolonged.

This was going to a gay bar with a man on his arm.

He spent a lot of time trying to decipher what exactly out was for him. Was it screaming from the rooftops or was it just being comfortable in his skin? He still wasn’t quite sure. For right now, though, he could try screaming from the rooftops. Forrest seemed to like it and, well, it was better than hiding.

As they made their way towards Planet 7, Alex felt himself get even more anxious. He was so fucking terrified that he was going to do something wrong, that he was going to embarrass himself. He still was trying to comprehend the difference between being too gay and not gay enoguh, where he fit on that scale, if it mattered. 

Forrest said it didn’t matter, but then he would start talking about shit Alex had never even heard of and he suddenly felt like he was bad at being queer. There were so many words he didn’t know, so much he had to learn about not only being a gay man, but the other people who were LGBT+ and the history behind it. It was almost overwhelming. Fascinating, though.

“Hey,” Forrest said as he walked up to a table. It was four of Forrest’s friends, all having colorful hair and having pride-themed makeup. Alex tried not to feel so out of place or envious. He had a feeling that if he met people like this back in high school, he would’ve become someone a lot different. It was hard being the only punk one in Roswell. 

“This must be the boyfriend,” one of Forrest’s friends said. Alex gave a smile and shrugged as Forrest led him to sit beside him at the table. “I’m Em, I use they/them pronouns.”

“I’m Casey, Em’s girlfriend, I use she/they.”

“Ryan, he/him.”

“And I’m Sophie and I use ‘em all.”

Alex hesitantly looked over Forrest for guidance. He just gave an encouraging smile and nodded towards them as if he didn’t feel out of place as it was. But he was willing to try.

“I’m Alex, I use he/him, I guess,” he said. He felt like he was back in basic, starting from scratch on how to interact with people. He didn’t wanna fuck up.

“I may have told them you needed a solid introduction of everyone,” Forrest laughed. Alex tried to laugh a little too and definitely did a lot better once he got some alcohol in his system.

For the next couple hours, Alex mainly listened to them talk, but he wasn’t bored. It was a nice change of pace. No aliens or government conspiracies. Instead, they spoke of politics and movies and books and people. They invited Alex to go with them the next weeked when they planned to give supplies to homeless people (something they did regularly) and tend to the community garden they’d started to supply people who needed it with free food. They didn’t seem to mind that he was learning the proper language or the way to act, they welcomed him with open arms because he was trying to learn. It made it so much easier to relax.

But then Isobel and Michael walked in.

They didn’t approach him, but they waved and he waved back. After a few too many minutes of wondering how the hell Isobel got Michael here, Alex offered to go buy the next round of drinks. He went to stand by them as he did so.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Isobel teased. Alex gave her a warm smile and then did the same to Michael. He looked a little tired, but he was able to smile back easily. 

“Yeah, I was thinking the same thing,” Alex said before ordering the drinks, “Shocked you got Guerin all the way out here.”

“I’m trying something new,” Michael said. Alex nodded.

“I feel that. So am I.”

“How does it feel to be out? I’m loving it,” Isobel said. Alex snorted.

“I know you are,” he said, “But it looks good on you, all the confidence and ‘fuck you’ attitude. Suits you.”

“Speaking of, I’m going to go work on getting laid,” Isobel sighed happily, turning on her seat and heading to where people were congregating and celebrating most. And then there were two. 

“What about you?” Michael asked.

“Hmm?”

“You said all the being out looks good on Isobel. What about yourself?” Michael said, staring at him like he really wanted an answer. Alex licked his lips and thought about it, looking over to where Forrest and his friends were laughing.

“I don’t think I know yet,” Alex admitted, “I’m still trying to figure out what that even means to me, you know? Like Isobel and Forrest, they like that it’s known from the moment someone sees them. And it’s not that I don’t like it, it’s just…”

“Invasive,” Michael noted. Alex nodded.

“Yeah. But it’s better than hiding, so I think it’s good for me.”

“I’m happy for you,” Michael told him and he sounded sincere even as he sipped his virgin daiquiri. Alex smiled.

“Thank you.”

Alex took the drinks back to the table and fit himself back into the conversation. Another couple hours went by before it was nearing its way towards midnight and they decided it was time to go home. They said their goodbyes and nice-to-meet-yous before going their separate ways.

“You were uncomfortable.”

“Huh?”

Alex turned to Forrest who had happily agreed to stay sober to drive while Alex drank to release the tension. The night sky was full of stars and the moon was full and Forrest was smiling, but it didn’t make sense with his words.

“Tonight. Being there made you uncomfortable. Was it the crowd? The rainbows? Just overwhelming in general? Talk to me,” Forrest pressed. Alex licked his lips and shifted in his seat.

“I-I think I’m more of a private person, I guess,” he tried, hoping his words didn’t come off as offensive, “It’s nice being out and proud, but… I guess I still don’t feel like me.”

“You know there’s a middle ground, right?” Forrest said. Alex gave him his full attention, eager to hear about what that might look like. “It’s your business, Alex. Not showing it always doesn’t mean you’re hiding.”

“I guess.”

“Some people that’s who they are, you know? It’s not a bad thing, it’s just who they are, it’s who I am. Our personalities are loud and that part of us shines through. You don’t have to force yourself to be bigger than you are to be queer enough. As long as you feel like yourself then it doesn’t fucking matter,” Forrest said. Alex gave him a confused smile.

“But I thought you said‒”

“Well, maybe I was wrong,” Forrest admitted. Alex relaxed more than he had in awhile. “That was before I got to know you and your past and before I understood that being private didn’t mean you were ashamed. I don’t want you forcing yourself to be someone you’re not for me. You can be Alex Manes, war hero who happens to be gay. You don’t have to be Alex Manes, gay war hero.”

Alex closed his eyes and smiled to himself, feeling better than he had in a long time.

Maybe he could just be him.

.Forever.

“Holy fuck, what did you take?”

“Um, antidepressants?”

A shocked laugh bubbled out of Michael and Alex smiled in response, propping his head up on his hand as he stared at the man he was going to spend his life with. He was all laid out after what honestly could’ve been two hours of fucking outside‒Alex wasn’t sure, he wasn’t really focused on the clock‒and he was in a blissful, sweaty daze. It was one of Alex’s many favorite sights.

After about a year of living in town together and talking about what they wanted to do, the two of them made the unanimous decision to fully renovate Jim Valenti’s hunting cabin and make that their permanent residence. Sure, the drive was a pain, but everything else made it worth it. They had all the privacy in the world to do things like fuck on the daybed Isobel insisted putting on their back porch the minute they mentioned building a pool.

“Aren’t antidepressants supposed to make you less sexually active or something?” Michael asked, slowly regaining his strength and using it to reach for Alex.

“I mean, it’s a common side effect, but I’ve only had that problem a couple times,” Alex admitted, sinking back into the daybed to press a kiss to his sweaty chest. Michael wrapped his arms around him and Alex found himself smiling even wider.

If someone had told him five years ago that he would be happily engaged to Michael Guerin, he would’ve laughed. He never saw himself being in a place where he felt comfortable enough to be in a loving, committed, serious relationship. Every other time, it was so easy to hide‒whether that be hiding in himself or from himself. Michael was the only one who seemed to be on the same wavelength.

It just took him awhile to get there.

“God, I fucking love you,” Michael groaned, squeezing him so tight that Alex couldn’t help but smile so wide it hurt his cheeks. He accepted the kisses that doused his face. 

“I love you too.”

Alex tilted his head up to meet him in a kiss, one leading to another until they were slipping into a lazy makeout session. They would eventually have to get up, clean off, get dress, act like useful members of society, but wasn’t it so much fun to do nothing but enjoy each other?

They were over 30. They’d wasted their 20s being confused and lost and sad and now they were grown ass men and they’d both refused to waste their lives being so miserable. A little bit of therapy and self-inspection had made it clear they just needed to work a bit harder to make that possible. Apparently, they had very similar hangups.

So they adjusted to make things work. Michael assured Alex that he was enough all the time, doting on him in a way that Alex craved and needed so he wouldn’t second guess himself. Alex made sure to always keep Michael in the loop even if it felt stupid, a small but difficult change to make sure Michael never felt like he was going to be left behind. They always let each other know where they were, who they were with, what they were doing. It wasn’t about control, it was about comfort. They’d gone too many years not knowing. It was so much easier to know.

“I was thinkin’ about our wedding,” Michael whispered, breaking the endless string of kisses. Alex smiled at the word. He never in a million year saw himself getting married. But, damn, might as well. “What if we did it in that big church in the middle of Roswell?”

“You wanna get married in a church?” Alex laughed. Michael ran his hand over his chest.

“I mean, not really, but I think it’d be super fucking funny. Besides, wouldn’t that make us the first queer couple to get married inside Roswell lines? That’d be fuckin’ hilarious.”

“Oh, you want our wedding to be funny?”

“I mean, yeah,” Michael admitted. Alex laughed softly and shook his head. “I know you don’t like big stuff like that, but c’mon. We could laugh about it with our grandchildren.”

Alex smiled even bigger and pushed himself up to give him another kiss. Wedding, grandchildren, fiance. He got to use those words all for himself. Wasn’t that wild?

“Okay, let’s do it. Our wedding pictures can have us flipping off everyone.”

“See?” Michael said, “You get it.”

A few more kisses later, they eventually decided to be grownups and they pulled themselves to their feet to go inside and clean up, make dinner, take care of themselves. Everything felt so easy. Sure, bad days came still and arguments still happened, but Alex was happy.

It turns out, while his goal had always been to just be able to relax, the real happy ending was freedom.

And, with Michael, he was free.

[bthenoise]

Q&A: Tyler Posey Talks New Travis Barker-Featured, John Feldmann-Produced Solo Single “Shut Up”

Today officially marks the start of a brand new era for actor and musician Tyler Posey. After years spent in various bands, the outgoing singer/songwriter is officially stepping out on his own to showcase his distinct brand of pop-punk-inspired music. 

Front and center for the very first time, Posey is treating listeners to his bold new single “Shut Up” featuring alt-indie artist phem and none other than blink-182′s Travis Barker. 

Discussing the new John Feldmann-produced track, Posey said, “From start to finish, this song really did feel like something special. I wrote the verses on a trip in an RV with my dogs and my friend and felt like it was progressing so naturally in a perfect way.” 

He added, “I took those bones to John Feldmann and phem and when she went into the vocal booth to record her vocals, I was so stoked. I had been wanting her on a track but was too nervous to ask. It was an emotional session and then finally to get Travis to play drums on it is just literally a dream come true. I couldn’t be happier with the outcome.”

Diving further into the moving new song, the passionate performer spoke with The Noise all about working with an idol like Barker plus what he thinks the future of pop-punk will look like. To see what Posey had to say, be sure to look below. Afterward, make sure to stream “Shut Up” here.     

How hard was it to keep it a secret that you made a song with Travis Barker?

TYLER POSEY: Fuck man, I mean, I've got blink-182 tattoos, they've been my favorite band since I was a kid and I've got posters of them on my wall that I'm looking at right now. It's such a big deal for me. But like, I think in some way, it was easier to keep it private because it's one of those things that you want to keep sacred. But at the same time, I’m super fucking stoked to release it. So it's like, it hasn't been that hard to keep it a secret because I'm just relishing in the fact that I got to play with him before anyone else knew. It's just so fuckin’ cool.

How did the collaboration come together? Guessing John Feldmann had something to do with it?

Yeah, exactly. I've always been piquing his interest in getting like my favorite people to collab with us. You know, I'm like, “Hey? What is Mark Hoppus doing today?’ if I’m ever at the studio with him. So this kind of came about like that. I was like, “What’s the possibility of Travis getting on the track?”  

And [Jonh's] like, “Maybe the next album” because for some reason he thought sense this album I'm debuting just my name and kind of going solo, he thought [we should] keep the focus on that. But then, he hit me up one day after we recorded “Shut Up” and he FaceTimed me and he was in the studio with Travis. He's like, “Hey, so you want Travis to play on a song?” I was like “What!? Yeah, of course but I thought you said no.” [laughs]

So Travis was like right there and he's like, “What's up, dude?” And I was like, “Hey man! Yeah, so ‘shut up.’ If you dig that track then please I would love for you to feature on it.” And he loved it so that's how it started, kind of unconventional.

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Had you met Travis prior to this?

I have, yeah. So Feldy lets me fill in on bass for Goldfinger whenever Mike Herrera can't -- which is like the coolest thing to put on my resume, like I’m the fill-in bassist for Goldfinger. So, [John] has this Christmas party (or he used to before COVID) and he does it at his house and he has this huge fucking Christmas party where Goldfinger and all these other bands usually play and he sets up a stage. And one year, Travis was playing drums [for Goldfinger] and there's this one moment in “Superman” where it's just bass and drums and I like locked eyes with him for as long as I could before he cracked a smile [laughs]. So yeah, we’ve met a couple times before. He was super stoked to be a part of this song and he's just killing it with collabs lately so I was just honored that he wanted to work with me.

Speaking of Travis’ collabs, are you a fan of some of his recent crossover stuff with artists like Machine Gun Kelly and Trippie Redd?

Yeah, absolutely dude. Like, I grew up in the punk scene so, for some reason, when I was a punk kid going to Warped Tour all the time I was really headstrong about maintaining being “punk” and I didn't listen to anything outside of the genre. I was like, “Fuck everything else! I’m punk!” So it kind of took a little while to kind of break that. But that was like years ago so I love what [Travis] is doing with them. I think it's fucking cool too that it's putting -- so like I've been in the punk scene forever and I've always played punk music, no matter what I write, it just comes out punk -- so it's cool that pop-punk is now making a resurgence with Barker and Machine Gun Kelly and Trippie and all these other people. I think it's setting a cool precedence for punk bands that have been really trying to make it for years. So hopefully that happens.

It’ll be interesting to see what the future holds for pop-punk music thanks to people like Travis Barker and yourself who have a big platform and use it to help bring pop-punk music to a wider audience.

Yeah, dude. That's kind of how I met and got involved with all these punk bands. I was kind of vocal about them on Twitter like a long time ago, when I used to use Twitter a lot. I would just be listening to punk music and would just post a picture of it 'cause I wanted the kids to know about it so that's kind of how my involvement got started. Like State Champs hit me up and I got in good with them and rode with them on Warped Tour. Then I met Knuckle Puck and Neck Deep and just all these huge punk bands kind of brought me into the world and then it was kind of an easy transition once I started releasing my own shit. So I'm super thankful that they welcomed me with open arms and that I am, you know, part of this like, showing people the way of the punk [laughs].

So going back to “Shut Up,” how would you say this song differs from your previous projects like PVMNTS and Five North?

I think with every album, every artist says “we try to evolve” and for me it's just always been this progression. It hasn't really been anything that I've been trying to have happen, it’s just sort of happened naturally. So I think anything that I put out will always have that element of it sounding a little bit different, a little more mature [and] grown up. So I really like the song, it's polished. I love that phem is a part of it. I think it adds this kind of dynamic that I used to think my music writing was missing lately. I just think that it's more mature. Like I said, I can't really step out of like pop-punk world 'cause it's in my blood, that’s how I write. So it's not too different, it's just a more sort of mature vibe than I guess I was doing before. But like, with my last band Five North with Feldy, we really tried to experiment and kind of push the envelope a little bit. So we had like weird synth sounds but it all kind of worked because we always kept it like this pop-punk melodic sort of drive with driving verses and vocals. So it's kind of like the same vibe but just, you know, more mature. Long story short [laughs].

Is it nerve wracking for you to to put your name strictly on things now as a solo artist as opposed to having a band? 

No, I don't think so. I think I've always sort of viewed myself as a solo songwriter. It's just, like, growing up in the punk scene, you know, you always had a band name and for the longest time I was part of bands that everybody, sort of, had an opinion and we all would song-write. But for what I've been doing lately, it's just been me so it felt right. It's more of like an experiment at this point. You know, I don't know how it's gonna be received, but it kind of frees me up to be a little bit more creative artistically. Whether it's writing, filming something. I just feel like it's the right move. 

This song seems to makes sense as a Tyler Posey solo song considering how personal and open it is. Was it challenging for you to be that candid writing these lyrics? 

No, no it wasn't. I've always viewed music as a kind of therapy. You know, it's just sort of been my outlet. As much as fuckin’ everybody says that, it holds true. So I've never really held back when it comes to writing music. Like, I've gone through a bunch of shit. My mom died like six years ago so I've written about that a bunch of times. So I've never really been one to struggle being open when it comes to writing lyrics. But this one, this one definitely is a heavy song. Like I got sober during the pandemic because I was just abusing a little bit too much and going too heavy and couldn't seem to get out of this cycle. So I was sober for a while, but like, I was just kind of dealing with an ex and kind of using that to lean on as sort of a new drug. So it's kind of what the song is about. But yeah, it's just coming together at a really vulnerable time in my life but it’s never really been too hard to be that open. I think that people deserve to know that everyone is going through the same shit that they're going through -- even if it's just one person. 

For people who can relate to this song, is there any advice you can offer to them? Maybe how you felt when you were writing it? 

Fuck [laughs]. My advice for somebody who's listening to this song – I don’t know dude. Life is fucking weird. Sometimes you try to do the things that you think are going to lead you to the right path but it feels like it's not. So I think that everything happens for a reason, as corny as that it. Like, if there’s some bad shit that happens, the reason is [because] you learn from it. So I think that's kind of the model for this song. Whether it's good or bad, you're gonna learn something from it and you're hopefully going to grow. It's just up to you if you want to grow from it. 

That’s a great way to put it. So lastly, not giving away too much, should fans be expecting more solo music from you moving forward? 

Yeah, absolutely! So this is just a sneak peek. I'm going to be releasing two EPs. We were going to do a full album but we just split the album in half and we're gonna do two EPs. The first one is called DRUGS and is all about my experience becoming sober, why I got sober and the shit that happens during that. Then the next EP, they're both going to be 7 tracks, I'm gonna release it later on in the year. So there's gonna be a bunch of shit coming out. This is kind of like the new course of action for releasing music for me, it's all going to be under my name.  

That’s exciting! Guess there really isn’t much else to do during a pandemic so it makes sense to write and release a bunch of music.

Yeah dude, exactly. So I'm going to try and get some visual content out too. Start doing some videos, I’ll be filming the music video for “Shut Up” soon. So just going to keep on that course.  

[hopesbarnes]

Closer

Summary: It’s been 4 years since you left. Left behind everything, including Peter Parker who was your one light in your life. So what happens when you see him again... Inspired by the song Closer by Halsey and The Chainsmokers 

This is connected to my one-shot Troublemaker, can be read alone though! 

Pairing: Stark!Reader x Peter Parker

Warnings: Curse words, almost smut 

You vowed that your relationship with Peter would last. It was the one shining light in the cloud of darkness you surrounded yourself with. But life isn’t a movie, and here you are 4 years later staring at the man you once loved in a hotel bar.

Four years ago you dropped the Stark name, moved across the country in a broken-down car, and swore to never look back. At 17 you were sure you could do it all. Thought all your problems were a result of your family. Never once pondered the possibility you had your own demons. 

Now here you sit, on a throne of hypocrisy and lies. Your new friends wanted to bring you out for your first drink now that you’re 21. You got dressed up in a tight cocktail dress and heels and went out with them. They didn’t know your party girl past, only that you were the future CEO of Stark Enterprises and the golden girl to be friends with. You hid the nasty sides of you and pretended to be the princess the media wanted you to be. The thought made you sick as you realized Peter was probably the only person who knew the real you. The one who didn’t do drugs and dye her hair blue that you showed your family or the sophisticated one in expensive gowns and a fake smile plastered on that you showed the world. But you, who sang Blink-182 songs at the top of your lungs and wanted to be a social worker, not a businesswoman. 

Seeing him was a shock. He looked good. In a tailored suit, probably just getting out of a meeting for Oscorp. You heard he was offered a position after he graduated college early. His eyes met yours and suddenly you were 16 years old again sneaking around the Compound to kiss him behind your father’s back. It’s been four years of no calls, and despite the fact you were the one to leave him, you were heartbroken. Eyeing him made all your anger melt away though. Because how could someone be mad at the boy with the curly hair and secret superhero life. You were insane to leave him. 

You quickly tried to refocus on what the girls you came with were saying and pay attention to them, but it was near impossible. Not with him in that suit, looking that way. So you excused yourself saying you had to go to the bathroom and for them not to wait up, then went outside for some fresh air. 

“You look good, Y/N,” You hear him say and turn around to face him. “Miss the blue though.” He motions towards your now shorter hair that is perfectly in place. A wild contrast from the blue mess you used to sport.

“Can’t run a company with colorful hair,” you reply snarkily. “How’s Oscorp?”

“Miserable. Would much rather be working for S.E. but didn’t want to overstep.” he says honestly.

“You’re more than welcome to have my job. I hate it.” You match him honestly. There’s a moment of silence, neither of you knowing what to say. 

“Why’d you leave me. We were gonna do this all together?” he says gesturing to the air after deciding to just say what he wanted.  

“I was bad for you. Bad for myself. I just wanted to run away and become obsolete.” 

“He looked for you before you came back you know? Told me he couldn’t believe he failed as a parent.” 

“Pep knew where I was. I checked in with her every month,” you shrug. 

“I really fucking missed you,” he says as he walks closer to you.

“I was destroying you.”

“I didn’t mind at all.” With that, he takes one more step to you and crashes his lips with yours. He tastes the same way, and it still makes you weak. But at the same time, it’s different. There are years of desire laced in the way his lips move against yours. There’s such a strong want with the way your tongues move against each other. It’s intense and breaking apart is like pulling magnets away. 

“You still give me butterflies,” you whisper as your foreheads touch. His arms are holding you tight, and yours are gripping his back not wanting him to get away from you. 

“Come back to my place?” he asks, with an authority teenage Peter didn’t hold.

“Okay,” you say back. 

He grabs your hand and the two of you go to his car, and you text your ‘friends’ that you don’t feel good and are heading home. 

“Happy late birthday, by the way,” he says on the drive. One hand is on the steering wheel, the other holds your hand. 

“Thank you,” you say and lean your head on his shoulder. He feels like home, which is something you haven’t felt in years. 

 He has his own apartment now, and it’s nice. 

“Oscorp pay well?” you tease sitting on his couch and he looks down.

“Yeah, he also left me a lot of money. I’m set for life now,” he admits sitting next to you.

“You two cleared things up?” you ask surprised. When you left dad still hated his guts and blamed him for your behavior.

“A year after you left he called. I guess the fact you left me too made him realize I wasn’t the reason you were, well.”

“I’m so sorry for running out. I was lost and thought I was ruining your life.”

“It’s the past. It’s done. I grew up, and clearly, you did too. The only thing the same is the way I feel about you.” He says

“I never got over you,” you confess. 

He doesn’t get a chance to reply as you take the initiative and straddle his leg, kissing him hard. He enthusiastically meets your pace. You part your lips, giving him more access and he slips his tongue in your mouth. It’s sloppy and wet and perfect. His lips were addicting, but you wanted more and parted long enough to tug his shirt from his body and push him back on the couch. 

“The years have treated you well Peter Parker,” you say smirking. He chuckles darkly and hikes your dress up.

“You too,” he says breathlessly. You’re grinding against him now and feel him getting hard. 

“We should take this to the bedroom,” he says and stands up, grabs your hand, and pulls you to the bedroom. 

You pause on the way and look at the picture he has framed on the wall. It’s the two of you wrapped up in each other at a party. You’re so young and naive but the way you look at each other makes it clear how much love was shared.

“This isn’t a hookup, right?” you ask suddenly self-conscious. “I don’t want this to be one of those, ex’s hooking up one more time situation. I want us together again.”

“Y/N, this isn’t a hookup,” he says looking you straight in the eyes. “You’re the girl I’m marrying one day, I let you get away once. That’s not happening again.”

“You want to marry me?”

“Always have,” he says and pulls you into the bedroom smiling widely. 

[cakesunflower]

Catharsis [Local Musician!Calum] One Shot

Catharsis—The purging or release of emotional tensions, especially through kinds of art or music.

A/N: this is 19.3k of local musician!Calum and i hope you guys enjoy it! i loved writing this, bc it’s, in my opinion, softer than most of what i’ve written. also, the lovely moodboard is by my even lovelier friend @softforcal!!! happy reading, babies

There was a local artist in Annette’s favorite cafe, a musician, who’d captured her attention from the first strum of his guitar and the captivating voice he sang with the second she heard him. Blue’s was known for its dedication to giving the local talent a platform, paying them to sing for customers if they had what it took. And this guy, this brown haired, tattooed singer who alternated between performing covers and originals, had captured the hearts of all of the regulars—Annette included. It was because of him that she’d sometimes be late to work or classes if he happened to be playing, completely enraptured by his performance and his smooth rasp sounding over the dull chatter of customers. Not that anyone really talked over the sound of him—Calum Hood was just too captivating to ignore.

Annette was never sure what exactly it was that had her stopping in her tracks every time she heard him sing—if it was the deep lilt of his voice that managed to carry every note he meant to hit, or if it was the lyrics he sang when he introduced a song he wrote himself. Songs about love, loss, healing, and everything in between that hit a little too close to home every time. Honestly—Annette began giving more thought to what Calum must have gone through to be able to write such deeply personal songs that seemed to resonate with everyone than she did to the coursework she should have been focusing on.  

Maybe she was being creepy. Maybe she should’ve stopped lingering in the back of the cafe after she got her order of either a strawberry iced tea or just coffee to lean against the wall and watch Calum strum a guitar and sing—her personal favorites were original songs he’d written like Never Be, Everything I Didn’t Say, The Girl Who Cried Wolf, and Moving Along and his covers of Stay by Post Malone and Blink-182’s I Miss You—and just moseyed on along to go to class or her shift at the store instead of looking like some stalker. But Annette couldn’t help it—she was a fan. Granted, she was no expert in the music industry, but Annette liked what she listened to, and there was no doubt in her mind that Calum was insanely talented. She knew everyone who came to Blue’s who was lucky enough to witness him perform, and the management that loved the patrons he was drawing in, would think the same thing.

There were often moments where she wished she grew the confidence in saying something to him—just a mere compliment of how good he was or something. It wasn’t like he was a world known musician, maybe a kind comment from a stranger would’ve made him smile, at the very least. But there was something about Calum that made him appear like the rockstar that he was probably meant to be. With his unruly dark curls, domineering height, tattooed skin, and sharp eyes that took in every face in the crowd, not to mention the overwhelming artistry that seemed to just ooze out of his pores, Calum Hood was a stature Annette wasn’t entirely sure she was prepared to approach. Sure, she’d seen people compliment him after he got off the stage with his guitar being gripped by ring clad fingers, had gotten glimpses of almost reserved smiles she felt were too quiet for someone who owned such loud talent, but she knew she wasn’t ready to actually face him herself.

So she listened and admired from afar, even though she desperately yearned to do so much more.

“You look like you got an hour’s worth of sleep last night.” Annette huffed as she shot Luke a look, settling down in her seat once he took his backpack off and dropped it on the floor so she could sit. Apparently a few days into the semester and some students thought it was okay to steal her unofficial-official seat.

Annette leaned back against the chair once she had her laptop in front of her and had taken off her favorite red framed and lensed sunglasses and Beats, letting out a drawn out sigh that carried the weight of her exhaustion. “Because I think I did,” she responded tiredly, the silvery tone she normally spoke in coming out as a heavy drawl. “Work didn’t let out until ten and I had a paper due at midnight and then Poe got sick and—” Annette cut herself off with a complaining groan, though she kept the sound quiet as people filtered into the classroom, sinking into her chair. “I’m ready to drop dead, honestly.”

“At least it’s the weekend, right?” Luke responded with an encouraging raise of his eyebrows, knowing Annette only worked the weekdays as he tapped his fingers against the sleek top of the desk. When she crossed her arms over her chest, closing her eyes and nodding, Luke offered a smile. “Couple of my friends are throwing a party in the East Village tonight. Bring whoever you want, yeah? It’ll be fun.”

Opening her eyes, Annette looked at her blue eyed friend, smiling at his offer as she modestly replied, “I wouldn’t wanna intrude—”

Luke snorted out a laugh, shooting her a look as their professor entered the room. “You’re not intruding if I’m inviting you. It’ll be great—there’s a karaoke machine.”

At that, the tattooed girl sputtered with her eyebrows shooting up as she instantly shook her head. “I don’t sing.”

He rolled his eyes, lifting his hands to gather up his blonde curls and pull them back into a bun, the too hot temperature in the classroom making even his barely shoulder length hair impossible to not tie back. “Then you can watch the rest of us act like idiots.” Raising his eyebrows he asked, “You in?”

Annette thought about it for a moment; she had planned to curl up in bed with Poe at her side and her laptop on so she could get some writing done, having barely any time for it with work and classes already kicking her ass. But, honestly, she wasn’t entirely inspired or motivated to actually sit and bust out a few words; maybe a party and being around people would help with that. She was always looking for new inspiration to hit, so maybe this would be good. She’d been in a bit of a rut lately, always ending up staring at a blank page or not knowing how to continue with what she already had. It was starting to get frustrating; stepping away sounded like the way to go.

So she smiled at Luke and nodded, “I’m in,” before sending a quick text to her roommate-slash-cousin Colin to recruit him for tonight. If anyone was willing to accompany her to a party, it was him.

When Annette reached for her plastic cup of strawberry iced tea, sipping the drink through the straw, Luke’s eyes dropped to the cup before humming, “I love Blue’s. They’ve got some great talent.”

She grinned, eyes dropping to the cup that said the restaurant’s name in script and the color of its namesake, as she played with the clear straw. Calum’s face flashed through her mind, the sound of his voice singing through her ears as she responded in absent thought, “I know.”

As the class settled, Luke propped his elbow on his desk and leaned his cheek against his palm, quirking his eyebrow as he asked, “You’ve got a favorite?”

Annette bit the inside of her lower lip as their professor pulled up the PowerPoint for today’s lecture. Oh, she definitely did have a favorite.

*****

“Hey, come inside for a sec.” Luke’s voice pulled Annette from her conversation with his friend Ashton, his friend Michael’s girlfriend Crystal, and Colin. The four of them were on the balcony of Ashton’s apartment, a few other people lingering about as the music playing from inside flowed outside to where they stood. Annette had only gotten to the party about twenty minutes ago, and had already met most of Luke’s friends, including his girlfriend Sierra, and so far she was enjoying herself as a refreshing September breeze tickled her skin. And she was enjoying the tequila, too. She looked at Luke, who was in the doorway of the balcony with a drink in his hand. His eyes met Annette’s as he added, “There’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” Annette responded slowly, unsurely, as she excused herself from the little group she was among. She walked towards Luke, who stepped back into the apartment to let her inside as she held her half empty glass of a margarita, raising an eyebrow at her tall friend. “Who’re we meeting?”

“A good friend of mine,” Luke smiled as they maneuvered their way through the living room, heading towards the kitchen. There were many people around, not as suffocating as a bustling house party that Annette was used to as everyone enjoyed each other’s company, danced to the music that was playing, though not entirely resembling a rambunctious frat house. Annette liked this better. Shooting her a dazzling, dimpled grin, Luke added reassuringly, “You’ll love him.”

Her curious expression never washed away as she nodded along, letting him lead her towards the kitchen. They stepped up towards the center island, which was decorated with a nice spread of cups and bottles of various kinds of alcohols and mixers, and stopped in front of a guy with his back turned towards them as he fixed himself a drink. His broad leather jacket covered back hindered Annette from seeing what he was making, glancing at Luke who smiled.

“This is Calum—Cal, this is my friend, Annette,” the blonde introduced, gesturing between the two people, and upon hearing his name, the man in front of them turned around, but it was long before Annette saw his face that she realized who he was. Right when Luke had said his name, realization clicked in Annette’s mind as she recognized the back of the guy’s head of short curls, now that he had been named.

Brown eyes met Annette’s bluish-brown and suddenly she found her heart in her throat because she’d never been this close to him before. Never had she been given the opportunity to look at his dark eyes, always standing at the other side of the cafe to merely listen and watch him play. But it was no surprise that the brown of his eyes, so dark that they almost melted into the pupil, was just as bewitching as the sound of his voice as she felt her throat dry when she looked into them. Annette had known Calum was tall as he towered in front of her, though his height was not entirely as domineering as Luke’s—she doubted anyone’s was—yet still she felt small in his presence.

Whoever invented the phrase tall, dark and handsome probably pictured Calum in mind.

His lips quirked up, a polite smile lifting his cheeks as he gazed at her. Annette could feel her body flush even though he wasn’t even doing anything. “Nice to meet you,” Calum spoke, his familiar voice just as smooth without a microphone amplifying the hint of a rasp in which he spoke with. He’d been lifting his cup as he spoke, taking a sip once he was finished and Annette noticed how his eyebrows furrowed subtly as he continued to look at her. Lowering his cup, lips glistening from his drink, Calum thoughtfully remarked, “I think I’ve seen you ’round before.”

Oh, her heart had found residency in her throat. He recognized her, and no matter how vague his recollection may be, the mere acknowledgment that she was a familiar face to him was exciting. Annette wasn’t entirely sure if it was because she was pathetically enamored with a guy who wasn’t even a celebrity, though he felt like one to her, or if it was because of how ridiculously attractive he was. Maybe because he was just so talented and actually being able to speak to him was ridiculous to her. Maybe it was all of it.

“Uh, at Blue’s, maybe?” Annette offered, pretending as though she had no idea where he could’ve possibly seen her before, knowing full well that’s exactly where. The way Calum blinked in realization was too adorable.

“Annette’s seen a bunch of your performances, dude,” Luke chimed in, a knowing tone lilting the smile in his voice and it wasn’t until Annette glanced at him, saw the glint in his blue eyes, did it click in her mind what he was doing. She couldn’t even help the way her eyes narrowed at him, though Luke was smart enough to keep his gaze purposefully locked on Calum.

Still, the need for damage control was prominent, and as Annette forced herself to drag her glare away from Luke and wipe it off by the time her eyes met Calum’s, she managed to say, “Just a few.” Nobody had to know she was downplaying the fact that she watched as many of his performances as she could. Coming off as a stalker wasn’t the kind of first impression Annette wanted to give off—not that she even knew there’d be an impression to give off in the first place. Damn it, Luke. Was he trying to embarrass her? Free hand nervously sliding into the back pocket of her shorts, Annette found herself adding truthfully, “You’re really good.”

Calum nodded, the smallest of smiles upturning his pressed together lips, and Annette couldn’t help but feeling as though he was forcing himself to do so. Like he appreciated the compliment, but it also didn’t mean much to him. “Appreciate it,” he responded, because he had to, because it was etiquette, and Annette felt something uncomfortable stir in the pit of her stomach. Uncomfortable, embarrassed, and, frankly, affronted. Though she wasn’t too sure she had the right to feel that last one. Calum’s eyes shifted over her head, looking at something behind her as he raised unexpressed eyebrows and his cup as well, using a finger to point at something as he added quickly, “Excuse me, there’s—I’m being called over.”

He walked around her and while Annette knew that it was probably nothing personal against her—they didn’t know each other for it to be—she still felt her skin flush with an embarrassed and mildly offended heat of being brushed off like that. Her lips pressed together, staring at the spot Calum had stood in, wondering if she was even allowed to feel this way because Calum was only someone she enjoyed listening to at Blue’s. He didn’t owe her a conversation or anything. Yet the offense of his less than polite behavior, no matter how brief the interaction, still had her stomach twisting uncomfortably. And then it would cycle into her reprimanding herself for being so sensitive.

Fuck. Why couldn’t she just figure out and agree on what she was feeling?

“Shit—Sorry about him.” Luke’s apology pulled Annette out of her thoughts, and she looked up at the friend she’d only recently made to see Luke frowning over in whatever direction Calum had walked off in. He looked down at her blue eyes meeting her slightly darker ones, the disappointment clear in his irises as he let out a breath. “He’s normally not like that, I swear. I don’t know what’s up with him.”

Annette gave a dismissive shake of her head, offering Luke what she hoped came off as a reassuring smile. Because she had a feeling Luke knew exactly what was going on with his friend, but he didn’t owe her an explanation. Just like Calum didn’t owe her a conversation; maybe Annette was just being overly sensitive for no reason. “Never meet your heroes, huh?” she said jokingly, and she half meant it. Calum wasn’t her hero—that just sounded ridiculous and overdramatic. He was just some guy who played at her local cafe, that’s all. Still, this wasn’t how she’d imagined their first meeting to go—not that she really thought she’d actually get the chance to talk to him.  

Luke let out an airy chuckle, and Annette could tell he felt just as miffed and even slightly embarrassed about that brief interaction as she did. But it was whatever. Not a big deal. “Come on, let me get you a refill,” Luke said after glancing at her nearly finished drink, and she grasped onto that change of topic with both hands and stepped towards the countertop full of drinks.

As he made Annette her drink of choice of a Malibu, she noted the purse of his lips and a small smile quirked at her lips. “It’s not a big deal, Luke,” she told him truthfully. Sure, Calum basically walking away wasn’t what she’d thought would happen, but what could you do? Annette wasn’t one to hold grudges or hold onto any negative emotions for too long. Life was too short to be bothered by something for too long.

Luke glanced at her from where he stood on the other side of the counter, a whole head and a half taller than the girl next to him making her own drink, and shot Annette a small smile. “So much for first impressions, huh?”

*****

“Oh, there’s Annette.” Calum glanced up from his laptop from where he was doing his composition homework, gaze landing on Luke sitting across from him at their table in Blue’s. But his blonde friend was looking off to his right and Calum followed his gaze, eyes landing on the mention girl.

She stood on line to order, her red Beats deafening her to the world around her as she kept herself busy on her phone. For a moment, Calum found himself wondering how he’d never seen her around before; she was gorgeous, with thick blonde hair that curled at the bottom, a couple of tattoos inking the skin of her left arm, and a smile he’d gotten to see the other night at Ashton’s party before he’d abruptly left the conversation. Something Luke had reprimanded him on after the fact.

Calum watched her as she took a step forward on the line, adjusting her headphones before returning her attention to her phone. He looked away as well, brown eyes meeting Luke’s blue ones, blinking at the expectant expression on his friend’s face. “I think you should apologize to her.”

Eyebrows scrunching upwards, Calum scoffed as he leaned back in his seat and asked, “What for?”

Luke shot him a pointed look, aware that he didn’t have to answer that question because Calum knew the answer. His interaction with Annette had been quite brief all because Calum hadn’t really wanted to engage in a conversation. It hadn’t been anything personal against her; Calum had just wanted to stick to those he knew, be around his friends who already knew him well enough to know if he acted cold, it wasn’t their fault. It was just the mood he was in. That day hadn’t been the best, and after Luke introduced him to Annette, Calum had spent the rest of the party escaped up onto the roof, with the only thing keeping him company being his cigarettes.

“Listen, man,” Luke spoke up before Calum could say anything, letting out a sigh and crossing his arms on the table. He looked at him with an almost hopeful expression. “I wouldn’t care if it was anyone else, but Annette’s my friend, alright? And when she told me you were her, like, favorite musician here I thought it’d be cool if you two met. So when you brushed her off it just—it didn’t leave a good impression, you know?”

Pursing his lips, Calum took a breath at Luke’s words. The knowledge of him being someone Annette genuinely enjoyed listening to actually did make him feel like a bit of an asshole for the way he’d just walked away from her. Though, to be fair, if he’d stuck around then their interaction may have gone worse.

Just wrong timing, Calum figured. He always appreciated when people at Blue’s, or anyone really, told him they enjoyed listening to him perform. It gave him the push to continue on doing so, to come to Blue’s whenever he could and get up on the small stage and sing his songs and covers for the patrons. Calum figured he’d probably still do it if he wasn’t getting paid; the money was just a bonus on top of the positive feedback he received.

Yeah. He was kind of a jerk for brushing off someone who’d done nothing except for compliment him.

With Luke’s gaze burning into him, Calum let out a heavy breath of, “For fuck’s sake,” before pushing back his chair and standing up. He ignored the happy smile on Luke’s face as he made his way around the spread out tables, figuring the sooner he apologized to Annette, the sooner Luke would get off his back.

He got to where Annette was standing just as it was her turn to order, and Calum worked quickly as he pulled out his wallet and just as the cashier, Rick, told Annette the total, Calum announced his presence by offering his card and saying, “It’s on me.”

Annette blinked at him, startled, too surprised to object at the sudden offer as Rick, obviously knowing who Calum was, took the card and completed the transaction. Once Calum’s card was returned, he put it back in his wallet and shoved the leather accessory back in the pocket of his pants, gaze finally sliding over to Annette who was staring at him in bewilderment.

Her lips, pink and glossy, parted. “You—” she began, only to cut herself off as she glanced over her shoulder and stepped to the side, Calum following suit, to let the next customer place their order. Calum followed Annette to stand at the end of the counter where her order would be placed, watching as she took her headphones off and let them hang around her neck as she looked up at him. “You didn’t have to do that.”

Calum shrugged, hands shoved into the pockets of his bomber jacket as he told her, “Consider it a peace offering. I hadn’t given the best of impressions at the party.”

He watched as Annette rolled her lips into her mouth, tapping her nails against the back of her phone as she considered his words. Her gaze, then, went around Calum’s friend to look at something behind him, and he noted the subtle quirk at one corner of her mouth as she lifted her chain. “Is the peace offering your idea or Luke’s?”

The musician pursed his lips, knowing she was valid in asking that question. What was more was that she didn’t make it sound rude, just genuine curiosity as her gaze met Calum’s once more, the questioning clear in the way she raised an eyebrow. Pressing his lips together, Calum let out a quick breath through his nose before answering her truthfully, “It was Luke’s idea that I come over. The drink really is on me.” Realizing he hadn’t actually done what Luke had asked for him, Calum added, “But I am sorry for acting the way I did.”

To his surprise, Annette twisted her lips to the side before giving a shrug. “You don’t have to apologize, honestly, though I appreciate it. It’s not a big deal—definitely not something to feel bad about.”

For a moment, Calum kept his gaze on her, eyes twitching ever so slightly to narrow as he considered Annette, trying to see if she genuinely meant her words or was just saying them to be nice. He wasn’t going to lie—he kind of agreed with her. It wasn’t a big deal, and while he was sorry for dismissing her the way he had and while he could’ve been nicer, it was too short of an interaction for him to feel an immense amount of guilt for. Sure, their first meeting was only cut short because of Calum himself, but wasn’t he allowed bad days? He’d only come to the party because his best friend was throwing it, and it made Calum feel less like a loser to have the reason of wanting to have fun so he could drink, and he really hadn’t been in the mood to meet new people and entertain them. What was so wrong about that?

Unlike Luke, Annette’s answer seemed to be absolutely nothing.

Maybe he got lucky with such a forgiving person.

Before Calum could say anything, Rick had called out Annette’s name and she received her iced coffee, turning to look at Calum with an appreciative smile as she held up the clear cup. “Thanks for the caffeine.” Her smile was sweet and still Calum felt something uncomfortable twist his stomach as she added, “I’ve got class. I’ll uh,” Annette paused, eyes darting before she looked at him once more, “see you around.”

She gave a nod before stepping away, fixing her headphones with one hand as she turned around and walked to the door, ignoring the way Calum’s gaze burned into her back. The frown involuntarily pulled his eyebrows together once she left, feeling a bit unsatisfied over an interaction he hadn’t really wanted to partake in the first place. He hadn’t really wanted to apologize, but there had been a part of Calum that felt a bit badly about their initial meeting, so he listened to Luke and now. . . It kind of felt as though Annette didn’t really care enough.

The tables seemed to have turned and it was unsettling.

*****

“This is a cute idea,” Annette hummed as she entered Blue’s after Sierra, Colin and Luke right behind them. She’d never come to the cafe during the nighttime, eyes taking in the place that looked transformed, unfamiliar than to what it looked like during the day. There were blue string lights lining the edges where the walls and ceiling met, providing the only light in the cafe save for the white spotlights on the stage. It was more crowded than normal, a pleasant buzz of chatter in the air as well as the occasional whir of the blender behind the counter as the employees made the drinks on order.

Apparently Blue’s, along with paying local artists to perform at their cafe during the day, had a showcase kind of thing every other month—which Annette had been oblivious to until Luke brought it up a few days back. Blue’s had all the artists they paid come together for one night every other month and perform for the patrons and would get paid extra, and sometimes there would be people who worked at record labels and scouts always looking for new talent in attendance, which Annette thought was pretty cool and a good opportunity for exposure.

“I’m surprised you haven’t come to one of these before,” Luke said to her as they walked in, him standing taller than everyone else as his eyes darted around in hopes to find the friends they were here to meet.

Annette huffed, a bit miffed at her own ignorance of this kind of event. She loved watching all of the musicians Blue’s employed, so being able to watch them all in one night sounded so great and she’d been missing out on it. Next to her, Colin snickered. “You’d think being a groupie for all the performers you’d know about this.”

That invited a round of laughter from Luke and Sierra, and Annette made a protesting sound before elbowing her cousin’s side, though it didn’t erase the all too amused smirk from his face. People around them moved, either talking to others or trying to find a table, and Sierra suddenly spoke up, “There they are.”

She started moving, the rest of them following after her as she led them to a table where they spotted Calum, Ashton, Michael and their girlfriends. They’d joined two tables together, enough to fit all nine of them, and greetings were thrown about as the four of them reached the others. Annette settled down on the chair next to Ashton after he gave her a friendly side-hug as Luke spoke up, “You ready, man?”

Annette’s gaze drifted to Calum, who sat on one end of the table, furthest from her as he offered a nod. He looked at ease, comfortable in a black and white Elvis shirt with the neckline lined by his chain necklace, hands resting on his lap beneath the table. Unsurprisingly, he looked good, Annette instantly noticed; she’d offered him a brief greeting when they’d arrived—nothing against him, truthfully, but because she figured that’s what he’d want.

When he apologized to her the other day, Annette knew it was Luke’s doing—a fact she’d flicked him off for the next time they had class together. To be fair, Calum had looked a bit miffed for his off-mood when they’d met, and the more Annette had thought about it after, the more she realized she had no reason to actually be embarrassed or anything. People were allowed bad days, they were allowed to turn down conversations if they weren’t feeling up for it, especially if it was with a stranger. It hadn’t been the most pleasant of first meetings, but it wasn’t something Annette couldn’t get over. She’d learned, over the years, what things were worth lamenting over and what were small enough to let go. Her first meeting with Calum had been the latter.

Still, him coming up to her to apologize to her had been kind of unexpected. But then she figured out Luke had been the one to push Calum to do it, and while Calum hadn’t delivered a half hearted apology, Annette could tell he wasn’t a hundred percent keen on doing it. And, in some way, him being forced to talk to her a second time was more embarrassing than the first time. She kind of hated her ability to read people so clearly up close. If the action had an off switch, Annette would keep it taped.

So, naturally, when she joined the group—after Luke’s inspired begging for her to come along—she’d greeted Calum with a quick and friendly smile before settling on the stool. No more forced interactions this time around.

“Yeah,” Calum responded to Luke’s question, leaning forward enough to prop his elbows up on the low table, linking his ring clad fingers in front of him, the metal of his chain bracelet hitting the wooden table as he rested his hands down. With a shrug and a small, brief smile he added, “’S not a big deal.”

It was a modest response, Annette noticed, which only reminded her of how comfortable Calum probably was on a stage, even a small one at some cafe chain in New York. She’d certainly witnessed his ease when she caught a performance, but to actually be within his company right before he went on stage was a side she never thought she’d be privy to, and was taking in intently. In the presence of his friends, Annette could see the relaxation of Calum’s broad shoulders, dark eyes almost gentle as he listened to his friends chatter around him. He didn’t look on edge like he had the night of the party, eyes darting and fingers around his cup tight; right now, it was easy to pick up on the air of calmness that surrounded Calum like a bubble.

“Are you performing anything new?” Michael questioned, sitting directly opposite of Annette.

Letting out a breath, Calum subtly raised an eyebrow as he responded, “I’d have to have something new written to perform it.” With a nonchalant shrug of his shoulders, Calum added, “Think I’m gonna go with San Francisco.”

Before she could help it, Annette chimed in, “That’s a good one.”

She pressed her lips together after the comment slipped, though it was an honest one. Annette had heard Calum perform that song a while back, thought the lyrics and guitar and his voice were lovely when he played it, and the prospect of listening to it again was exciting. Except she hadn’t really meant to make herself known, her words drawing Calum’s attention towards her as his brown eyes met her bluish ones, like he hadn’t expected her to say anything, either. Annette fiddled with her thumbs under the table, forcing her closed mouth to lift into the smallest of smiles at Calum as a way of appeasing his intense stare.

But Calum offered a small smile, a real one, as he responded with a simple, “Thanks.”

Soon enough, the small exhibition started, and Blue’s fell silent as the first performer of the night got up on stage. A couple of them were familiar faces for Annette, having seen them during the occasions where she came by and Calum wasn’t playing, but there were also a few she hadn’t ever seen before. Everyone was pretty good, had their own style and genre of music that they worked into the welcoming environment of Blue’s, and Annette found herself swaying gently to every person’s song or ballad.

And then it was Calum’s turn to go up, being introduced warmly and familiarly by the manager as a household name, and their table’s cheers were the loudest as he picked up his guitar and headed towards the stage, returning Luke’s fist bump as he made his way up. Annette shifted in her seat, as if physically preparing herself to listen to Calum perform a song she’s heard before. She felt as though her eagerness and excitement was radiating off of her, the sensation familiar as it was what she experienced whenever she came to pick up some coffee before work or class and Calum was at Blue’s, right up on the stage like he was right now.

The entirety of Blue’s was dark, save for the blue lights for the ambiance, and the bright lights on Calum as he settled on the stool in front of the microphone, his sleek guitar on his lap. Annette’s eyes were glued on him, much like everyone else’s, but unlike the rest of them, she was taking in every detail her eyes would allow her to. She observed the way his tongue poked out to swipe his bottom lip, rolling it into his mouth as he made sure the microphone was leveled. The bright lights shone against his skin, glinting against the chains he wore, and Calum needed a second to adjust his eyes to the beams and Annette wondered if he could see the faces waiting for him as his gaze swept over in front of him.

With his left hand holding the neck of the guitar on his lap, Calum offered a close mouthed, humbled smile. “Evenin’, everyone,” he started, his voice amplified by the microphone as the deep and gentle rasp of his voice resounded. “I’m Calum and, uh, tonight I’m gonna play an original called San Francisco.” Annette watched his right hand move into the pocket of his pants, pulling out a guitar pick as he offered another quick smile. “Hope you like it.”

Calum started playing the chords to the song and Annette took in a quiet breath as the familiar tune reached her ears. Then Calum leaned towards the microphone, lips parting as he began singing lyrics that he’d written, and Annette wondered if she was the only one feeling goosebumps rise on her skin at the sound of his smooth, rich voice resounding around the cafe. Unlike the other times Annette has watched Calum perform at Blue’s, it was utterly silent as everyone’s attention was on him as opposed to when he played during regular business hours and there was a quiet buzz of chatter.

Now, though, everyone was listening to him, their focus solely on him as his ring clad fingers effortlessly played the guitar, and Annette was completely entranced as she watched him, lips parting absently as she listened. The emotion Calum sang with made his performance all the more enchanting, and not for the first time did Annette wonder what experience Calum went through to write a song like this—something she wondered every time she heard him perform an original song.

Annette was creative in her own right, could make up stories and characters and create a whole world out of them, but writing a song wasn’t something she could be able to do. And she was always left in awe when she listened to the songs Calum chose to share, many of them about love and then losing that love, and it often ached Annette’s heart when she listened to them. The pain he delicately and beautifully described in his songs was almost familiar to Annette, having faced loss in her life before, and she often found herself wishing Calum hadn’t had to deal with something like that. Which was ridiculous, because she didn’t know him, and life wasn’t that simple. That didn’t stop Annette from wishing it was.

Next to her, she could feel Ashton lightly drumming along to Calum’s song with his hands slapping against his thighs under the table, head subtly bopping to the music. Although she didn’t want to take her eyes off of Calum, Annette still glanced around, took in the way everyone in the room was hooked on Calum and his music, and she felt a smile tug at her lips. She didn’t know him, but she was proud.

*****

“What are you drinking?”

Annette looked up at Calum once she heard him, patiently waiting to get the bartender’s attention, and he watched the way she blinked at him once before raising her eyebrows gently. Then, with a small smile, she asked, “Are you apologizing for something?”

Pressing the tip of his tongue to the back of his bottom teeth, Calum let out an airy chuckle, knowing she was referring to when he bought her that iced coffee as a way of making up for his behavior at the party. “No,” Calum told her truthfully, left elbow resting against the bar top as he faced the shorter blonde girl. “Just, uh, tryin’ to be nice, I guess.”

Calum had no reason not to be nice to Annette, and since she was basically Luke’s new best friend, Calum knew he couldn’t be an asshole to her without reason. She’d never given him a reason to act the way he did, and she really was a nice girl from what he could tell. Calum had seen her during his performance earlier tonight, had seen the way her eyes seemed to be glued to her in unabashed awe, and it only made him further understand that she genuinely did enjoy his music.

Just because he was miserable more than half the time, didn’t give him the right to treat others like that.

He saw her smile widen just a bit at her words, eyes flickering to the row of bottles behind the bar before telling Calum, “Rum and Coke.”

Flagging the bartender down, Calum relayed her order and added in his own. They were at a bar a couple of blocks away from Blue’s, the group of them shifting over after the performances were over around ten at night. The weekend permitted them to go out, though Calum didn’t plan on staying too late.

“So be honest.” He dragged Annette’s attention once more, and Calum could just barely see the hint of dark blue that lined the outer of her otherwise brown irises. In that moment, he absently decided she had the most interesting eyes he’d ever seen. “Did you think I was an asshole when we first met?”

“I—what?” The startled laugh that Annette released upon hearing Calum’s question wasn’t entirely expected, her eyebrows shooting up as she leaned back a bit. But he kept looking at her, raising his own eyebrows to let her know that he was, frankly, asking a genuine question, because he wouldn’t be surprised if she did. When Annette realized how serious he was, the smile on her face faltered a bit as she shook her head. “No, I didn’t. That’s just—that would be an extreme reaction, Calum. I’m not that sensitive.”

He bit the inside of his cheek, finger absently prodding at the bartop, nail scraping against a crack on it. “But I did, like, make you feel bad, didn’t I? To some extent?”

Annette looked at him, and Calum tried to remain neutral and unaffected by the subtle narrowing of her eyes as she took him apart with her gaze. She was trying to figure him out and Calum couldn’t find it in himself to be annoyed because she was doing it so. . . Kindly. Her gaze was gentle, welcoming, like she didn’t want to alarm him or put him off as she tried to figure him out. Calum wondered what kind of magical fucking powers Annette possessed to keep him feeling comfortable even as her mind picked him apart. Maybe it was the glittering of her eyes, or the soft way she looked at him. Because even with her thick blonde hair and long lashes and tattoos, she still reminded Calum of soft.

“Are you trying to make yourself feel guilty about it again?” Annette asked, and this time Calum did feel himself freeze at her words. Had it really been that easy for her to figure him out? Or was she just generally that good at reading people? She gazed up at him, earnest and true. “Because I told you, Calum, it wasn’t a big deal. It happened and it’s over. Honestly—it’s not a big deal.” With an easy, light laugh, Annette added, “Don’t make it seem like you, like, bitched me out or something. It’s all good.”

She was terribly easy going, Calum realized, as the bartender handed them their drinks. Not the type to hold a grudge, it seemed.

Honestly, Calum wasn’t entirely sure why he was bringing it up again, wasn’t sure where the lingering guilt was coming from—or if guilt was too strong of a word. Maybe he just still felt bad? Especially after he saw how much Annette seemed to enjoy his single song performance at Blue’s. Through the bright spotlights at the cafe, Calum had been able to make out the faces of his friends once his eyes had adjusted, and while their encouraging smiles had been expected and welcome, Calum had also took in the way Annette had been watching him.

It unexpectedly warmed him. He knew it wasn’t the heat from the lights.

So, yeah. He suddenly found himself wanting to start a clean slate. Even if he started off thinking he didn’t care.

It was something about her eyes. Calum was certain of it.

“Come on,” Annette cut through his thoughts, lifting up her glass with an easy going smile lifting her pink lips. “To friends of friends.”

At that, Calum let out a quiet chuckle, quirking an eyebrow as the bar buzzed around them. The music was loud and people were chattering all over, but Calum’s eyes were on Annette’s smiling ones. “Think we can cut the middle man out here,” he told her with a small smile of his own. Annette raised her eyebrows, soft smile ever present, as Calum raised his glass as well, clinking it with hers as he corrected, “To being friends.”

*****

When Annette received her drink and turned around to head towards the door, she stopped when her eyes landed on the familiar face sitting at a table near the windows. It wasn’t hard because Calum was already looking at her, laptop in front of him but gaze on her as he raised his hand in a single wave, and Annette felt a smile tug at her lips.

She made her way over to him, because now she could, now they were friends. Ever since the event here at Blue’s and their conversation at the bar after, a friendship had been established between the two of them, discarding their first meeting all together in hopes of moving forward. He leaned forward in his chair as she approached him, arms folded and a small smile tilted his lips once she got to him.

“Fancy seeing you here,” Annette greeted with a teasing grin, standing beside the round table.

Calum chuckled quietly, lifting his hand and tilting his head to let his fingers mess up his slightly unruly curls. “You headed to class?” he questioned, looking up at her with dark brown eyes that reminded Annette too much of chocolate.

“No,” she responded with a shake of her head. “I just finished a shift, actually, and I needed my after-work caffeine.”

He quirked an eyebrow as he asked, “So you’ve got nowhere to be?” Her smile returned at the knowing tone of his voice, felt something pathetically flutter in the pit of her stomach as she hummed out a no with a shake of her head and he gestured to the empty seat across from him. As she settled down, Calum’s eyes took in her drink visible through the transparent cup, and he raised his eyebrows before letting out an amused scoff. “That’s the. . . Froofiest drink I’ve ever seen.”

Annette let out a protesting, mock-insulted laugh as she defended, “Hey, don’t make fun of my drink.” She took a sip through the straw, watching Calum watch her with scrunched eyebrows raised and a bemused expression on his face. “It’s a passion iced tea. With blackberries.”

Calum, still, was not still not impressed. “It’s purple,” he deadpanned.

With a scoff, Annette said with a small pout, “Don’t make fun of my froo-froo drink.” Jutting her chin at his cup, she narrowed her eyes challengingly and mocked, “What about you? Black coffee is boring.”

Calum wasn’t offended or apologetic. “It’s normal. No froo-froo.”

Annette’s smile returned, unable to keep the teasing lilt in her voice. “Everyone needs a little froo-froo in their life.” She couldn’t hope to keep a serious expression on her face, the laughter bubbling past. Annette’s chest tightened happily when she managed to get a laugh out of him in response. A breathy, raspy sound that was short yet did show his amusement with the conversation. She wondered what he sounded like when he laughed with everything in him.

Their conversation moved on as Calum asked her about work, the noise of the cafe melting into the background, breaking every so often when the barista at the counter called out a customer’s name whenever their drink was ready. Annette had realized that talking to Calum, once she adjusted her nerves, was pretty easy. He was easy to talk to, once he decided he wanted to actually hold a conversation, and Annette felt pretty good about the fact that he actually wanted to talk to her.

That was probably pathetic, she knew, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

She liked talking to him, liked listening to the sound of his voice when he wasn’t singing, just as smooth and rich as he engaged with her. Calum talked leisurely, like he was in no rush, and he listened just like that, too. As if he had all of the time in the world to listen to whatever Annette was saying, and it was a complete change from when they met that first night. And it only proved to her that she’d caught him on a bad day, that the Calum from that party wasn’t how he actually treated people, but the one sitting across from her was a more honest and true version of him.

The way he stared at her as they talked was something Annette knew would take some time getting used to. His dark eyes stayed on her lighter ones, as if he was taking in every detail while also listening, and Annette often found herself with a dry throat, in need of clearing it to keep herself grounded. It was dangerously easy getting lost because of Calum’s stare. She wondered how many others had fallen victim to it.

“The Great British Baking Show? Really?” Annette asked incredulously, eyebrows raised as a disbelieving grin spread at her lips. She was gaping at Calum, who huffed with arms crossed over his chest as he frowned at her, though no true defiance was present.

“Why’s that so hard to believe?” he returned, obviously not getting why his admittance to one of his guilty pleasures was so shocking.

Annette laughed, good humored and melodious as she gave a shake of her head. “I just can’t picture you watching something like that. It’s just—there’s no image in my head,” she said with a laugh, her words only causing Calum to roll his eyes.

“Come over one day and then you’ll be able to—”

“Liana!”

Calum instantly cut himself off as the barista’s voice cut through his words, prompting Annette to raise her eyebrows in slight startlement at the unexpected stop. She watched him, eyebrows lowering slowly into a frown as his dark eyed gaze remained behind her in the direction of the counter, all previous lightheartedness completely vanishing from his expression. Brown eyes wide, there was a hint of alarm swimming in them as Calum pressed his lips together, the muscle in his jaw jumping, clearly looking like a man who didn’t like what he was seeing. There was a rigidness in his features, tight and uncomfortable with drawn together eyes lifted and worry reluctantly seeping into his eyes as well.

His lips parted, still looking behind Annette as he quietly breathed out, “Fuck’s sake.”

Calum’s Adam’s apple bobbed as he clenched his jaw once more and Annette grew more concerned over his suddenly irate demeanor, looking like he wasn’t sure if he was exasperated or just wanted to disappear from sight altogether. Hesitantly, Annette asked, “Are you okay?” Slowly, she turned around to see what he was staring so intensely at. “What’re you looking at?”

It wasn’t that busy during this time in the late evening at Blue’s, so Annette’s gaze went directly towards one of the few women she saw standing in the general direction Calum had been staring at. She was pretty, with dark brown hair just a little past her shoulders and legs that looked spectacular in the jeans she was wearing. The woman stood talking to a guy by the counter and Annette guessed he was waiting for his order or something, and with a curious quirk of her brow, she kept her questioning gaze on them as she asked Calum, “Do you know her?”

“Yeah,” came Calum’s response, slow and gruff, his change of tone as surprising as his fallen expression. “You can say that.”

As if hearing Calum’s voice from where she stood, Annette caught the way the woman’s head turned and gaze looked right past her—and right at the man Annette was sharing a table with. Even from where she sat, Annette saw the recognition flash across the other girl’s face, eyes narrowing ever so slightly before they widened in realization.

And then Annette watched her touch the arm of the guy she was with as she said something to him, before she began making her way over, and Annette’s eyebrows raised as she turned back in her seat to face Calum and matter-of-factly said, “Yeah, ’cause she definitely knows you.”

Her gaze finally landed on Calum, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere but at Blue’s in that moment. Annette could tell he was struggling to school his expression, the tightness born out of frustration and something else fighting to make itself known on his face, and she couldn’t help but frown at him. Clearly whoever the woman making their way over to him was, was not someone Calum wanted to deal with as his hands wrapped around the edge of his laptop screen, and Annette was briefly worried he was going to snap it in half just as the woman stepped up to the table.

“Calum, hi.” She spoke in a friendly tone, though without even knowing her, Annette could pick up the subtle hesitance lying underneath. Glancing up at her, she saw the girl—Annette guessed her name was Liana, given that was the name that had Calum getting all closed up—nervously grab the strap of her back with her free hand, the other holding her drink. Her honey colored eyes swept over to Annette, a small smile present. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to interrupt.” She looked back at Calum once Annette offered a no worries type of smile. Was it bad to say she was curious as to what was going on? Looking back at Calum, Liana said, “I just saw you and I, uh, wanted to come say hi.” She bit her lower lip hesitantly. “How are you?”

Liana seemed to genuinely want to know, and Annette’s eyebrows lowered ever so slightly as she watched the two of them. Calum had leaned back in his seat, arms crossed over his chest, and Annette had a feeling it was his way of defending himself from whatever weight this conversation was about to bring. Annette felt as though she was intruding, but getting up now would be too obvious and awkward.

“We’re not friends, Liana.” If Annette had thought Calum was cold towards her during their first meeting, it made that interaction look impeccable in terms of Calum’s demeanor now. She eyed him, silent in concern, at the edge that had bit into his tone and the way his eyes were suddenly void of all emotion. It was unnerving how good he was at that; like Calum had just flipped a switch and was able to hide everything he was feeling that had the chance of showing itself on his face. It was all gone, replaced by uninterested blankness with the creeping edge of dismissal and irritation. Those were the only emotions he allowed to convey, and Annette forced herself to remain a quiet presence. His gaze was sharp as he looked at the standing woman. “Wasn’t our last conversation meant to be our last?”

Annette pursed her lips, her gaze suddenly dropping to the table in front of her, like if she didn’t look at the two people, it’d be like she wasn’t listening in on the way Calum was completely shutting Liana down. She fiddled with her fingers in her lap, feeling the tension suddenly increase tenfold following Calum’s words. Annette understood that she had definitely caught Calum on a bad day the night of the party, because Liana was definitely not someone Calum wanted to be around at all. Annette felt bad for her; she hadn’t felt too great after Calum had walked away, she could only imagine how Liana was feeling.

There was a history there, that much was obvious, and Annette justifiably wondered what could’ve happened that had Calum talking to her like that.

Annette could see Liana shifting uncomfortably from her peripheral. “Come on, Calum,” she tried again, this time a nervous laugh escaping her. “It’s been—”

“Five months,” he cut in. Annette glanced up at him in enough time to see him say, “’S not long enough.”

She took a quiet breath when she noted the stare Calum was wearing: sharp, unforgiving, unapologetic. Annette wondered how Liana was still standing in the face of it, figuring that if she was on the receiving end of it, she would definitely turn and run away just because of the utter heat his glare was radiating. Holy shit—what had Liana done that warranted her such a hostile reaction from him?

Annette managed to look up, her gaze going to Liana, who had a defeated expression on her face that made the seated blonde feel sorry for her. Liana’s throat worked, her cheeks flushing an embarrassed pink, and Annette wondered why the woman didn’t snap back at Calum for speaking to her like that. Annette probably wasn’t one to say something like that, given how Calum had walked away from her the first time, but to be fair, their interaction wasn’t anywhere near as intense as this one. It was brief, quick, like ripping off a bandaid. This was almost too painful to watch.

Just as Annette thought that, she saw a shift in Liana in the way she tightened her jaw, blinking back the hurt Calum’s words enticed as she lifted her chin. With a calm tone that allowed for her own edge to creep in, Liana said to him, “If you remember the last time we spoke, then you remember what I said to you.” Her eyes gave him a once over, the corner of her lips quirking into the smallest of sneers, like she was disappointed but unsurprised with what she was looking at. “But I guess you didn’t listen. As usual.”

Annette saw the instant reaction Liana’s words invited on Calum’s face, the way his dark eyes narrowed instinctively, like he couldn’t believe what she’d just said. His jaw tightened. Like he was fighting to keep himself from reacting but couldn’t. Liana’s words, the meaning lost on Annette, clearly struck a harsh cord with Calum as his shoulders straightened, lips thinning as he fought the words threatening to escape.

But before Calum could say anything—Annette was sure she wouldn’t want to hear it—someone stepped up next to Liana and said, “Ready to go, babe?”

All eyes shifted to the newcomer, the guy Annette had seen with Liana earlier, as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. He seemed oblivious to the tension as he smiled at Liana, gaze sweeping over Annette and Calum as a second thought. He offered both of them friendly smiles, one Annette returned automatically before her gaze flickered to Calum instinctively, because she felt as though she needed to keep an eye on him.

And she was right to, because otherwise she would’ve missed the tightness of his jaw and the way his throat worked as he eyed the guy, or, more accurately, eyed the way his arm was around Liana. She watched Calum take in the sight of the couple, her eyebrows twitching together in a curious and concerned frown as she tried to figure out what Calum was feeling in that moment. To say he was bothered would be putting it lightly; he almost looked uncomfortable, defeated. . . Not surprised as he let out an airy scoff, nodding to himself as he leaned back.

His gaze dropped to his laptop screen, pulling one corner of his lip into his mouth, looking completely finished with this conversation and Annette frowned at him. What the hell was going on?  

“Yeah,” she heard Liana say, her voice growing tight with agitation. “Bye, Calum. Sorry to interrupt.”

They left, their footsteps growing faint the further they moved away, melding into the low hum of the cafe as they exited, leaving behind an awkward silence Annette wasn’t sure how to ease. She took a look at Calum hesitantly, pulling her lower lip into her mouth as she caught sight of him staring out the window to his right. The lights of the city reflected against the glass and his dark eyes, but the outside world melted into the late evening night as Annette watched the clench of his jaw and hardened eyes.

She had no idea who Liana was, but it wasn’t hard to connect the dots that there was some kind of intense history between her and Calum, and whatever Liana meant by her words had hit Calum more than he wanted them to. Annette parted her lips, hesitant, before pressing them together again. She found the courage quickly to gently ask, “Are you okay?”

Calum was silent for a moment. Then it was like something snapped in his head, motions quick and jerking as he shut his laptop, grunting out, “I need a drink.” His gaze dropped to the half finished cup in front of him, frown deepening. “Somethin’ stronger than coffee.”

Annette’s eyes widened slightly, eyebrows raised as she watched him shove his laptop in his backpack before shouldering it as he stood up. Her eyes followed his movements and Calum paused when he noticed her still sitting, watching him. He raised an eyebrow, impatient as he questioned, “You comin’?”

“Uh.” She gaped at him, not entirely expecting the invite, not when he seemed so agitated. His grip on the strap of his bag was tight, and Annette figured he’d want to be alone since he seemed so upset. But if he was about drink in a pissed off mood, Annette would rather keep an eye on him. “Yeah, sure,” she quickly confirmed, feeling as if she took too long to answer, Calum may change her mind.

He waited as she stood up and pulled her jacket back on, grabbing her bag as she followed him out of the cafe. It was chilly, unsurprisingly, as they stepped onto the sidewalk and began making their way down, but Annette was quick to realize they weren’t walking in the direction of the bar they’d been at a week ago.

She eyed Calum as he walked along next to her, just a subtle pace ahead due to his longer legs, his dark eyes staring straight ahead as they went. Annette hesitated on opening her mouth but after they walked a few blocks in nothing but silence save for the buzz of the city around them, she slowly asked, “We’re not going to Mack’s?”

Calum licked his teeth. “If I go to a bar I’m gonna blow all my money. Better to raid my own supply,” he answered steadily, eyes shifting to glance down at her. “You cool with that?”

Annette raised her eyebrows as a way of agreeing. “Yeah, ’course.”

So she stayed quiet as she followed Calum through the city, finally reaching the apartment complex after they walked a few blocks, took a subway ride, and then walked another two blocks. The entire time, Calum had remained silent and Annette kept her arms crossed as every step closer they got to his place, the more she wondered if it was a good idea to go with him—if he even still wanted her to come along. He was clearly not in a good mood and Annette wasn’t sure if he still wanted her company, but she stayed silent. After all, Annette was still kind of wanted to keep an eye on him if he was about to drink.

Her body felt tense with nerves as they stood in the elevator, side by side in complete silence, until they stopped in front of a door that Calum unlocked and opened. He stepped in behind her, flicking on a switch to light up the living room, and Annette took in the dark grey couch facing a TV, windows not quite floor to ceiling but large enough to provide optimal natural light if the blinds weren’t drawn. It was an open plan kitchen and hallway leading towards the bedroom, probably, and Annette admired the apartment. It was simple, with hints of personal touches like concert posters and a shelf full of books and records in the corner, along with a bunch of plants placed strategically.

The sound of keys clattering startled Annette, head turning to see Calum’s hand retract from a small table behind the couch where he’d dropped his keys. She felt awkward, no doubt, given that this was her first time at Calum’s place, as Calum shrugged off his leather jacket and dropped it to the couch before making his way towards the kitchen.

He cast her a look as he went. “Whiskey?”

She followed him with her eyes before pulling out of the brief trance and shrugging off her own jacket. She followed him. Annette wasn’t entirely sure if she’d regret this, but she didn’t quite care in the moment. “Sure.”

The apartment was silent save for the clinking of the Jim Beam bottle and glasses Calum pulled out, placing them on the counter. It was a full bottle, untouched, and Annette felt an uneasy twist of her stomach at the thought of Calum potentially wanting to finish it all tonight. Had his conversation with Liana really affected him so much?

Annette kept her gaze on him, noting his features completely void of any expression as he uncapped the bottle and poured some in each glass. He lifted one of them, dark eyes finally meeting Annette’s light ones as he held the glass out to her expectantly. She took it, offering a small smile as she found herself asking, “What’re we toasting to?”

Calum paused, lips parting to roll his lower one in, tongue swiping over it as his gaze averted thoughtfully, free hand braced on the counter. Then a wry smile curled at his lips, head tilting as his eyes met Annette’s, the sarcasm in both his gaze and voice as he declared, “To being emotionally unavailable.”

That was not at all what she was expecting. Annette looked at him, eyebrows raised in bewilderment as Calum flashed her a derisive smile while clinking their glasses and taking a sip of his drink. But Annette kept staring, wondering why the hell Calum would say something like that—and the way he said it, too. Like he was mocking someone else’s words, ready to spit on them and shove them back in the face of whoever had uttered them.

And she watched as Calum downed the contents of his glass, throat working as he swallowed and sucking in a breath through his teeth as he eyed the now empty glass. “Right, come on,” Calum spoke up, looking at Annette as he grabbed for the bottle with his free hand and walked around the counter. He jutted his chin. “Let’s plant that image of me watching The Great British Baking Show in your head.”

“Uh—” Annette sounded, trying to wrap her head around what was happening. She frowned briefly. “Okay,” she finished slowly as she turned and followed him.

They settled on the couch as calum turned on the TV, and Annette sipped at her whiskey as Calum switched to Netflix. The sweet mixed with smokey taste tickled her throat as Calum played the first episode of one of the seasons.

Annette tried not to think of how. . . Strange this was. She hadn’t exactly planned on watching some baking show while drinking whiskey in Calum’s apartment, and yet here she was, wondering how the hell she ended up here. It didn’t help that Calum’s words were swimming around in her head, drowning out the sound of the TV as she wondered why he toasted to being emotionally unavailable.

They were silent, much like they had been since they left Blue’s, the only sounds emitting from their surroundings as the hum of the city was replaced by the TV. Annette watched Calum from the corner of her eye, sipping her drink and feeling it run smoothly down her throat once she grew used to the taste. He watched the show, slouched on the couch as he sipped from his own glass and kept his gaze glued on the TV, curls brushing across his forehead that Annette itched to push away.

She had so many questions.

But for now, she finished her drink, licking her lips and taking a breath before holding her empty glass out to Calum. He looked at her and then at the glass, lips quirking with a small grin she hadn’t seen since Liana had showed up, a sight that almost jump started her heart, and poured her some more whiskey.

*****

Annette wasn’t really drunk, but saying she was a hundred percent sober would be a lie. She felt slightly lighter than before, laying on the couch with her head resting on the armrest and knees bent so her legs didn’t go over Calum’s lap. He was still in the same position as they had started, slouched on his head of the couch, only this time he was hugging the now empty bottle of whiskey.

“Oh, shit!” he exclaimed, startling Annette as she lifted her head to look at him. Calum was pointing to the TV, eyes wide and lips curling into a wide grin as he waved his hand in such a comical way that Annette couldn’t keep in her amused laugh. “Her biscuit tower fell! She’s fucked!”

Her gaze returned to the TV where a contestant’s tower of biscuits did, in fact, fall over as she scrambled to race against the clock to correct the mistake, and Annette couldn’t keep her laughter in because of Calum’s overreaction, too drunk to keep himself quiet as he guffawed. She watched him, feeling the giggles come a lot easier now that there was some alcohol in her, admiring the flush of his cheeks due to the entire bottle he’d finished after she only had about three glasses.  

Annette wasn’t entirely sure how long she’d been at Calum’s apartment, laying on his couch and watching British people make baked goods as he let out drunken comments and laughs every now and again. When Annette had told him she couldn’t find an image in her head of him watching this show, she’d been right; but now, all she could see was Calum dropping comments of dough not proven for long enough or cakes that looked like a toddler iced them. And it was hilariously unexpected, bringing a lightness to her chest every time he said something. Clearly he spent some time watching the show, and it only kind of made Annette’s heart beat for him a little faster.

When she checked her phone, she sucked in a breath to see that it was almost one in the morning, and if she hoped to wake up for her nine o’clock shift tomorrow, she needed to head home now. So Annette sighed as she blinked slowly, a mixture of slight tipsiness and sleepiness as she pushed herself into a sitting position, running her fingers through her blonde hair to push it back.

“I should head home,” she said, her voice soft against the TV as she shifted to get her feet to touch the ground. Her sneakers were next to the couch as she bent to grab them and shove her feet inside.

“Already?” Calum shifted next to her, sitting up and Annette looked at him, feeling her heart jump at the frown lowering his eyebrows and pout on his full lips to go with the whine he’d spoken with.

Letting out a gentle laugh, Annette responded, “I’ve been here for four hours, Calum. It’s time for bed.”

“Well,” he dragged out the word as he looked around for the remote before finding it and pausing the show, shoulders slumped as he asked her sadly, “why don’t you sleep here? It’s late and—”

“I’ve got work early tomorrow,” Annette told him, her voice kind and heart warm at his offer. God, she’d stay here any other day. But neither of them were completely sober, and work the next day really was killing the mood. The way Calum was pouting at her, drunken and adorable, wasn’t at all helping her in any way, working against her to make her want to stay. But she couldn’t. She’d stayed to make sure he was alright, and while he was drunk, he seemed to be okay. Maybe she’d tell Luke to check on him tomorrow. “I’ll take an Uber. I don’t live far from here anyway.”

Annette stood up, blinking once as she made sure she had her footing, the lightheadedness present from the whiskey. Shrugging on her jacket, she pulled her hair from under the collar and looked down at Calum to see him staring up at her. His dark eyes were glazed over, cheeks and nose flushed cutely, and the sudden urge to kiss him that overcame Annette threatened to rob her of her breath. She needed to get out of here.

“Text me when you get home?” Calum questioned as he stood, and he had less balance than Annette, unsurprisingly, as he let out a quiet whoa with raised eyebrows as he dropped the empty bottle on the couch and grabbed the back of it to keep himself upright.

Annette let out a laugh as she began making her way towards the door, Calum right behind her once he got his footing. “Will you be awake when I do?” she questioned teasingly after opening the door, stepping into the hall, and turning around to face him with a raised eyebrow.

Calum let out a scoff of a laugh—was it a scoff? He almost blew a raspberry—as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the doorframe—whether it was just an absent action or because he couldn’t keep himself upright, Annette wasn’t sure. Being a bit tipsy was inhibiting her ability to read people. Still, she admired how fucking good he looked in his simple black full sleeved shirt, the fabric of it straining against his biceps since his arms were crossed, and across his chest.

“For you?” Calum questioned as a response to hers, raising his eyebrows as a lazy, boyish grin lifted at his lips. It was a smile that easily had Annette’s heart jumping to her throat, though it didn’t compare to the way a glint danced across his dark eyes when he finished with a factual, “Of course.”

Her cheeks flushed, warmer than the whiskey ever made her as she ducked her head, fighting off a smile, and Calum grinned at her reaction. He tilted his head, leaning it against the doorframe as he watched her, his gaze burning into her wonderfully. When Annette looked back at him, at the relaxed features he was finally expressing and the easy, yet drunken, smile on his lips, she suddenly felt the question that had been nagging her fall at the tip of her tongue.

She wanted to keep it in, to not ruin the moment, but Annette crossed her own arms across her chest and gently asked, “What was that about being emotionally unavailable, Calum?”

There had been no lead up or preemptive move before she voiced that question, but Annette had been keeping it in since the moment Calum had made that toast. Her curiosity itched at her, and with the bit of whiskey running through her veins, it gave Annette enough of an excuse to finally utter it.

She watched as Calum registered her question before his eyes closed, lips lifting into a smile as he let out another scoff while ducking his head. He looked at her once he straightened, curls once again falling over his forehead, and Annette was surprised there was no trace of the dry, humorless smile that had been on his face when he made that toast.

Instead, Calum returned to leaning his head against the doorframe, looking down at her shorter figure with a reminiscent smile on his face. Maybe it was the alcohol in his system that allowed Calum to so easily confess, “Liana and I dated for a while and, uh, broke up five months ago because, according to her, I was too emotionally unavailable to be in a relationship with her. So she found someone who was.”

He ended with a single shrug and a roll of his eyes, but Annette frowned as she saw past that mask. She had figured there was some kind of romantic past between the two of them, but to see Calum still hurt about it had her biting the inside of her cheek, empathizing with him. She imagined being told that you weren’t emotionally attached to your significant other by them couldn’t have been easy, and Annette’s chest tightened for him. And as she watched Calum drop his gaze to the doorframe where his nail was scratched at it, arms still crossed, Annette knew Calum probably felt dumb for being upset about it. But she wanted to tell him he was right to. Him being upset was justified, in her opinion. She didn’t like seeing him like this.

“For what it’s worth,” Annette spoke up, her voice quiet and soft, eyes on him even though he was avoiding her gaze. The tall, broad man in front of her looked small as he tried to hide behind an invisible wall, like he was ashamed of having feelings. Ashamed of being the opposite of the very thing he’d been accused of. So she spoke gently, honestly, in the silence of the late hour. “I think if you’re capable of writing those beautiful songs and singing them with the kind of passion you do, then there’s no way you’re emotionally unavailable.”

The pure honesty in her words had Calum lifting his head, brown eyes finally meeting her bluish-brown ones as he ceased picking at the door frame, and Annette kept the kind smile on her lips as she noted the whirlwind of emotions that flashed across his pretty eyes. She saw them under the glaze of the alcohol as he gazed at her, the sleepiness from the alcohol disappearing for a moment to be replaced with an appreciation for her and her words.

Her statement was followed by a silence that settled upon them like a blanket, and Annette could feel the way the two of them were drawing close to one another under the shelter of it. Their movements were gradual, eyes locked and hearts thundering the closer they got.

Somewhere in the back of her head, Annette could hear a voice telling her to stop; to pull back and turn and leave, but she was quick to shush it. This may be a bad idea, but she didn’t care all too much in this moment. She wanted to ignore her head and listen to her heart, wanted to let her body draw near Calum’s as every second went back, hoping the whiskey in her veins didn’t cause her to lose her balance.

As soon as Annette’s gaze dropped from Calum’s, his dark eyes only alluring her more, and flickered to his lips, there was no going back. Because suddenly she was feeling Calum’s hands cradling her jaw, thumbs on her cheeks as he tilted her head up enough to capture her lips with his in a surprisingly tender kiss. Annette’s eyes slipped shut instantly, her hands gently grasping his wrists as she slowly moved her lips with Calum’s, the sensation of his savoringly sucking on her lower lip sparking a fire in her fueled blood that she voiced through a satisfied hum.

It was a slow kiss, getting to know the feel of one another’s lips as the faint taste of whiskey danced on their tongues and Calum’s touch burned wonderfully at Annette’s skin. She callouses of his thumbs were nothing compared to the warmth his touch provided, or the electricity shocking Anette to her very core as Calum kissed her tenderly.

They pulled away moments later, not because they wanted to but because they had to, air becoming a necessary evil. The kiss ended but their lips dragged against one another’s, noses fitting together and foreheads pressed as Annette kept her eyes closed. All she could hear was the pounding of her heart, feel Calum against her, and inhale the delicious scent of his woodsy, summery cologne and something else that was just him and maybe even more inviting. Annette had no idea what the hell just happened, but she was glad it did.

She couldn’t stay though, no matter how much she wanted to. She needed to go home and maybe think of what she’d just done on the drive back, and maybe hope that the tingling sensation of her lips never went away as she found herself squeezing Calum’s slender wrists under her grasp. “Um.” Annette let out a short, breathless laugh, lips curled into a flustered grin and squeezing her closed eyes before opening them. Her gaze immediately went to Calum’s lips, the ones she’d just kissed, the urge to do so again rushing back powerfully. Annette took a breath as Calum brushed his nose against hers, humming quietly in response, as she finally found the reluctant words, “I should go.”

Against her, Calum brushed his thumbs across her cheeks. His voice was low with an enticing rasp as he responded, “Sounds like a terrible idea.”

Annette let out another breathless giggle as her hands dropping from his wrists and lowered to where his arms were bent at his elbows. Somehow, she found it in herself to pull away, head tilting back ever so slightly to look at him, stomach twisting happily to see his brown eyes already looking at her. She couldn’t be entirely sure if he was looking at her so adoring because he truly meant it or because he was drunk, but Annette didn’t want to ruin the moment by thinking about it. God, she needed to go.

“I’ll, uh, text you when I get home?” Annette responded, her words coming out as a question as she peered up at him, unsure if the offer still stood.

“Please.” He sounded far too earnest for someone who was drunk, and it didn’t make falling for him any harder.

Annette reluctantly pulled away from him, hands dropping from him as he did the same, gazing licking as she offered him a smile. Calum returned it, boyish and lazy, as he crossed his arms over his chest like he didn’t know what to do with them now that his hands weren’t on her.

He watched her go, and Annette could feel his gaze burning into her back as she approached the elevator at the end of the short hall. It opened up right away, and when she stepped in and turned around, her heart jumped at the sight of Calum, leaning out of his doorway to keep his eyes on her. She saw him grin, raising his hand in a two finger salute as the doors slid closed, and Annette desperately wanted to pry them open and go back to Calum.

Trying to figure out if that was just a drunken kiss or if it meant something would only dampen her mood. So Annette put it of her mind, and only focused on the way her lips still tingled and burned from Calum’s own. The smile remained on her face her entire journey home, practically permanently glued when she texted Calum she reached safely, as promised, and he returned it with a semi coherent Good. Night, doll.

*****

“Your two favorite people are right here. What do you keep looking at your phone for, Hemmings?”

Calum’s tease received an absent smile from Luke, though it faltered quickly as a worried expression crossed over his face and he placed his phone on the table. “Just checking in on Annette,” he sighed, leaning back and propping his elbow on the armrest of his chair, running his hand down his face.

Upon noticing Luke’s expression, and hearing his words, the smile on Calum’s face lessened as his eyebrows drew together, gaze flickering over to Sierra. His confusion grew when he saw the understanding expression on her face, and Calum sat up as he looked at Luke sitting diagonal of him. “Is she okay?” he asked, wondering what could prompt Luke to want to check in on her.

Luke’s blue eyes met Calum’s brown, the hesitation that crossed over his face only making Calum anxious as he frowned impatiently. “It’s just—it’s a tough day for her,” Luke answered, hand running through his blonde curls, a nervous habit of his. When he took in the look Calum was giving him, wanting an explanation, Luke held back the ill-timed yet absent chuckle that almost threatened to escape him. Calum’s interest in Annette was obvious, was endearing, which was why Luke found himself admitting, “It’s the anniversary of her parents’ death.”

The expression on Calum’s face went from blank to disbelieving in under a second, Luke’s words registering a bit too painfully in his head. Painfully because it was unexpected and because once Calum understood the heavy weight behind them, he felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach for Annette. For a split, desperate second Calum was hoping Luke was delivering the punch line of a sick joke, but the somber expression on his face—and on Sierra’s—told Calum his best friend’s words were that of a sad, horrible truth.  

He stared at Luke, incredulous and bewildered, eyebrows drawn together in a frown over widened eyes as he tried to make sense of what he’d just been told. The busy hum of the restaurant the three of them were in dissipated as a flurry of thoughts whirled in Calum’s head, driven by disbelief and even a hint of panic. Annette’s parents were dead and Calum had no idea.

Not that he had any business in knowing, because as much as this newfound information shocked him and even had his heart dropping, what astounded Calum even more was Annette herself. This girl who was kind of shy but had the prettiest, infectious smile had suffered a loss Calum couldn’t ever imagine going through. Of course he didn’t expect her to walk around advertising the painful fact, but knowing Annette carried something as heavy as that with her and didn’t let it show made his throat tighten.

Calum cared for her, more than he thought he would when they first met, his feelings for her growing unexpectedly and out of left field. Annette drew him in after Calum got his head out of his ass and started hanging out with her, getting to know her and her taste for weird colored drinks. She was quiet but chatted when she was comfortable, much like Calum, and the more he hung out with her, the more he realized how easy and effortless it was with Annette.

So effortless that Calum had no idea he was falling for her until the alcohol in his system pushed him far enough to kiss her. The fact that she reciprocated was thrilling.

At a loss for words, Calum licked his lips, throat dry as he asked Luke with his gaze dropping to the blonde’s phone, “Did she reply?”

The corner of Luke’s lips lifted as he disgruntledly clicked his tongue. “Yeah, she said she just got back from Jersey and was home now. Says she’s fine but, y’know, I’m worried.”

“Ten years,” Sierra murmured and Calum’s eyes drifted to her. Her dark eyed gaze was on the table absently, a sympathetic furrow in her eyebrows for the woman they were all talking about. Sierra pressed her lips together and gave a dejected shake of her head, finally looking at the two men as she let out a sigh. “That’s a big one.”

Calum barely knew Annette for ten weeks, yet he felt the powerful urge to be able to ease the ten years worth of pain she was probably going through.

Which is why after his late lunch with Luke and Sierra, he found himself standing in front of the dark green door of Annette’s apartment, lips rolled into his mouth as he debated on knocking. He’d texted her after he left the restaurant, his two messages of Are you home? and Luke told me being responded with Yeah, come over?

Now he was there, willing himself to knock. The last time Calum had seen Annette was two days after they’d kissed, and that was also two days ago. They were busy with work and school, and although they hadn’t seen each other, that didn’t mean they didn’t speak. It was as if nothing between them had changed when they texted, but there was an undertone present that reminded them of that moment at Calum’s door—as if they could forget.

Calum certainly couldn’t. He swore he could still feel the softness of Annette’s lips against his, taste the combination of whiskey and her watermelon flavored chapstick that he yearned for again. Kissing Annette had been an impulsive, drunken decision but it was not one he regretted. If anything, the alcohol pushed him to do something Calum had subconsciously been wanting to do for a while. Seeing Liana led him to wanting a drink, which turned into drinking a whole bottle of whiskey, which eventually led to him kissing Annette.

Seeing his ex hadn’t been the highlight of his day, but saying the day ended on a better note would be an understatement.

Standing in front of Annette’s door, though, Calum knew he didn’t want anything from her right now. He just wanted to be there for her. She may not have asked him to, and he feared he was imposing, but he cared about her in a way that tightened his throat at the thought of her hurting. Calum just wanted to offer any kind of help she may need. He wanted to try.

The door opened after his knuckles rapped against it twice, and Calum was greeted by the sight of Annette, his heart jumping into his throat. Her thick blonde hair was down in its loose waves, looking adoringly comfortable in an oversized sweater ready to swallow her with its sleeves too long and leggings underneath. Calum gazed at her, taking in intricate eyes and the long lashes framing them, as well as how her entire face had a flush to it. She’d been crying.

“Hey,” she greeted, and Calum felt the air rush out of his lungs as her lips quirked into a small smile. He didn’t want her to smile if she didn’t feel like it. Didn’t want her to smile at his expense. But he squashed that last thought when Annette’s eyes showed some relief, and she let go of the door knob when Calum took a step forward and lifted her arms. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He got the message instantly, pulling her in for the hug she was looking for with his arms around her shoulders, feeling Annette’s wrap around his torso. Her fruity scent enveloped him invitingly and Calum pressed his cheek to the top of her head, feeling her own press against his chest and her hands on his back. They held each other close, soaking in the other’s warmth, and Calum’s eyes slipped shut as he physically felt Annette let out a breath, the tension in her body seeming to release with it as she melted into him, the heaviness of her day, her life, weighing against her.

Annette’s voice was small, muffled against the material of his sweatshirt as she said, “I’m probably not the best company right now.”

Calum let out a gentle scoff, arms still around her securely, as he assured, “I’ll be here anyway.”

They eventually ended up on the carpeted floor of her living room, settled on the floor cushions with each of them nursing a cup of tea. Colin wasn’t home, the two of them having the apartment to themselves, the windows closed to keep the heat in as well as the noise of the city outside. It was quiet in the apartment, the only sound coming from the consistent ticking of the clock on the wall near the TV and the occasional clinks of Calum’s rings hitting the ceramic mug every time he adjusted his grip.

“I didn’t think I’d cry a lot today.” Annette’s voice was gentle, not quite shattering the silence but pushing through it. Calum glanced at her, sitting right next to him with their backs against the couch, but her head was slightly bowed and gaze was on her mug of tea. He saw the way the corner of her lips tilted, the smile humorless and not at all fitting her. “But ten years. . . It’s big, isn’t it? Feels like a lifetime.”

Calum stayed quiet, because she needed this. She wanted to talk and he wanted to listen.

“The first couple of years were awful, y’know?” she continued after drawing a breath, lips twisting to the side. “I was the angriest teen you’d meet.” Annette let out a short laugh at that, casting a glance at Calum, noting the attentive way he was listening, never looking away. She looked ahead, his gaze weighing on her comfortingly. “I was pissed that it was my parents who got killed in a car accident and that I had to live with my aunt and uncle and everything was screwed up. Twelve year old me was pissed and over the past few years, I decided I didn’t ever wanna feel like that again. Life was too damn short to stay feeling that way.”

Annette paused as she inhaled deeply, the tendons in her neck tensing as she blinked a few times, and Calum knew her to be fighting back tears. His eyebrows drew together as he watched her keep herself together, wanting to tell her it was okay if she couldn’t. Instead he rested his mug in the space between his thighs and reached his left hand over, grasping onto Annette’s right as he laced their fingers together. She looked down at the newfound source of warmth, a smile quirking at her lips.

“They missed out on so much,” she continued after swallowing with a quick frown. “Track meets, high school graduation, first love, first heartbreak, getting into college. All the things I took their presence in for granted and it hurt every time I went through those things and they weren’t there to support me but it got easier over time. But—” Her throat was tight, voice straining to fight through the emotions closing her up, and Calum felt the subtle burn in his eyes. He wasn’t an emotional guy other than on paper, but watching Annette reminisce the loss of her parents sent a shocking stab of pain throughout his body he hadn’t expected. It hurt seeing her hurt. She squeezed his hand, and he was quick to return the gesture. “Realizing it’s been an entire decade since they’ve passed is kind of. . . It’s unreal. And I hate that it just. . . Isn’t unreal.”

In that moment, Calum felt as though he understood Annette just a little bit better. Understood why she was always smiling and why she didn’t look like the kind of person who got pissed off easily—why she forgave him so quickly instead of being turned off by his behavior at first. She’d spent too long being angry and upset—rightfully so—that she minimized those kind of emotions in other circumstances where she knew she’d be better off just letting it go. The world was trying enough to give someone plenty of reasons to be angry; why hold onto shit that didn’t matter in the long run?

“Holding onto anger like that is exhausting,” Annette spoke up, an airy laugh escaping her as she did so, turning her head to look at him with that same smile she always wore, though this time a hint of sadness curved at her lips, accompanying the tired look in her bluish-brown eyes. Her long eyelashes seemed damp with tears. She offered a single shouldered shrug. “And holding grudges over the smaller shit doesn’t help anyone. When you allow yourself to move on from the little things, it kind of gives you room to make your way through the pain that feels like it’s always holding you back.” The something crossed across her glassy eyes, something akin to sheepishness that Calum caught before Annette quickly dropped her gaze back down to the mug. Quietly, she added in a mumble, “I probably sound stupid.”

“Nope.” Calum shook his head, instantly killing that train of thought before it could go off the rails. With his free hand, he moved aside his mug so he could shift his body to face him. He made sure Annette’s mug was out of the way as well as he grabbed onto her other hand, getting her to look at him. Calum’s expression was serious, but kind as he admired the softness of her skin touching his. “Saying you sound stupid is not giving yourself any credit for how strong you are. I can’t imagine going through a loss like that at the age you did.” He noted the way her lower lip trembled at her words, though she offered a grateful smile, and Calum squeezed her hands. “Your parents would be proud of you for pushing through, Annie.”

Something flashed across her eyes just then, something nostalgic and sad as her eyebrows lifted ever so slightly and a small smile curled at her lips. She looked down at their joined hands and let out a breathless puff of laughter. “No one’s called me that since my parents passed. They were the only ones who called me Annie.”

The guilt twisted at Calum’s gut as he tried to pull back, lips parting as he took a breath. “Oh—I’m sorry, I—”

“No, no,” Annette was quick to soothe, looking up at him with a smile lighter than the ones from before, this one not carrying the pain of her parents’ memory. It was a real Annette smile, the kind that rendered him breathless. She averted her gaze briefly before shyly murmuring, “I like when you say it.”

Her words had Calum smiling in return, seeing a glimpse of the shy and adoring girl he’d come to know, but this wasn’t about Annette making him smile. It was meant to be the other way around. So he tried in the best way he knew how.

“You know what else I know that you like?” Calum asked, raising an eyebrow as a smile quirked at the corner of his lips. Annette sniffled, tears gone and cheeks flushed, as she raised her eyebrows in question. His smile was gentle, kind, voice a soothing murmur as he let go of one of her hands to push some locks of blonde hair behind her ear. The back of Calum’s finger grazed along her cheek as he tilted his head down at her, soft gaze on her as he said, “I know you like it when I sing.”

Annette seemed to understand exactly where Calum was going with this, forehead smoothing out as the grateful smile on her lips returned, chest sinking as she let out a quiet laugh that Calum wanted to hear more of. He easily mirrored her smile, glad to see some of that light return in her eyes, as he briefly cupped her cheek before whispering, “Come on.” His words were followed by Calum shifting them, arms wrapping around Annette and pulling her into his chest, back against him. His arm was loosely across her collarbones and Annette held his arm in her hands and settled against him, feeling the line of his jaw against her temple as his other arm settled across her waist. His warmth against her had an instant reaction from Annette, relaxing her, and Calum brushed his lips against her temple before asking, “Any requests?”

Annette hummed, happy and comfortable, as her fingers tapped against his arm. “Are we talking originals?”

He chuckled, the deep sound vibrating against Annette. Calum couldn’t help but think how comfortable he was here, with Annette in his arms, her body providing more warmth than the tea. He was engulfed in her just like she was embraced by him and Calum was realizing, without pause, there was no other place he’d rather be. “We’re talkin’ anything you want, sweetheart.”

She was silent for a moment before saying, “That one song you had. . . It was really pretty. Uh. . . Waste The Night.”

Calum grinned, lips brushing against her temple once more. “Got it,” he said,taking a breath before he began singing the familiar sound. For the first time, Annette heard Calum just as him; just his voice, with no instruments nor the accentuating of a microphone. And it made this day a little bit easier.

*****

There was a regular customer at Blue’s who, upon sight, brought a grin onto Calum’s face without even trying. Whether it was when he was seated at a table and heard the jingle of the bell and saw her walk in, or when he was on stage and her face stood out in the small crowd—Calum’s eyes found hers and the smile she brought out was one he couldn’t ever hope to stop. It felt different. It felt good.

It was noticeable, the change in him, how the smile came more easily to his face when Annette was around. To the point where the employees at Blue’s noticed and made comments about it and instead of rolling his eyes. . . It only widened Calum’s smile more. And it felt real. He felt like himself before Liana and the heartbreak. He felt happy and good and it all had to do with Annette making him the happiest he could be for the past three months.

Stepping off the small stage at Blue’s, Calum took a minute to put his guitar back in its case before picking it up and walking over to the pretty girl sitting at one of the back tables, a smile on her face as he approached her. “Hey,” he greeted her with a grin, resting his guitar on the floor and leaning it against the table. Calum ducked to press a quick kiss to Annette’s lips, pulling away and standing straight as he raised an eyebrow at her. “I didn’t know you were coming today.”

“Of course you didn’t,” Annette hummed, shooting him a teasing smile as she leaned back in her seat. “Because no one volunteers to work on New Years Eve.”

Calum scoffed with a roll of his eyes, crossing his arms across his chest. “This doesn’t even count as work,” he pointed out, earning a light laugh from her. His gaze then dropped to the table and Calum smiled as he gestured to the cup. “And look, you even got your froo-froo drink!”

“Stop,” Annette pouted at him before breaking out into a grin as Calum shook his head with his own, the smile bringing out those adorable crinkles she loved. “Are you ready to go? We still have to get ready for Ashton’s party.”

“Yeah, let me go to the bathroom real quick,” Calum said and Annette nodded as he turned and went, disappearing towards the back of the cafe to where the bathrooms were.

She waited for him while busying herself on her phone, thought it was short lived when a voice spoke up, “I didn’t think he was capable of still smiling like that.”

Annette looked up, gaze landing on the woman standing by the table, her eyebrows drawing together as she tried to place the vaguely familiar face. It clicked suddenly as the crease in Annette’s forehead smoothed, realizing the woman who had spoken was Liana, Calum’s ex who’d told him, once upon a time, he was emotionally unavailable.

He’s told her about Liana, about how she’d found comfort and solace with some other guy when she was still with Calum. She reasoned that it was because she was lonely, because Calum wasn’t as invested in her and their relationship as she was, and maybe Calum should’ve tried harder, but it also didn’t give her a reason to run into the arms of someone else.

Annette had been angry on Calum’s behalf. But being with him now. . . Liana couldn’t have been more wrong about him.

Keeping her tone kind, as it always was, Annette responded, “He’s always been capable.” She reached for her drink. “It probably just took the right person to bring it out,” Annette added lightly, taking a sip of her iced tea through the straw.

Glancing up, Annette took in the way Liana raised her eyebrows at Annette’s sweetly delivered snide comment. She felt her heart jump a bit, not entirely one to make remarks like such directed at someone, but Annette wasn’t going to let Calum’s ex talk rudely about him to his back—to his girlfriend. Especially when Annette knew how much Liana hurt him, and while Calum got some great songs out of that heartbreak, it was something she uselessly wished she could’ve protected him from.

Annette wasn’t one to hold onto anger, but she was definitely capable of telling someone to fuck off—albeit, more kindly.

Trying to recover, Liana let out a forced chuckle. “It was just a joke.”

Annette pursed her lips, the sweet taste of her drink lingering on her tongue as she clicked it. “Oh, but it wasn’t.” She was surprised at herself for not feeling intimidated by the woman standing in heels over her seated figure, easily looking up at Liana with a cool expression. Surprised and proud of herself. “You don’t mess with someone and play it off as a joke. Especially if you see them better off afterwards.” One corner of her lip quirking up into an empty smile, Annette offered a single shrug as she added, “They’re happier despite what you did, not because of it.”

Liana looked disgruntled at Annette’s words, lips parting and eyebrows drawing together as she tried to find the right words to respond with. Annette doubted she had them. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Maybe not,” Annette agreed with a nod, her eyes on Liana’s. “But Calum’s told me enough.” Annette’s eyes glanced towards the back of the cafe, hoping Calum didn’t come out just yet. “And from what he’s said to me, I know it’d be better if he didn’t see you.”

She kept her gaze steady with Liana’s, not letting the other woman intimidate her. Annette couldn’t entirely believe the way she’d spoken, but when it came to Calum, Annette couldn’t seem to shut up. Defending him came naturally, easily, and she didn’t regret a single word that left her during that conversation. And she let Liana know that with the cool, unwavering look she was giving her.

Of course, Liana didn’t seem to appreciate it. She lifted her shoulders, as if giving herself a backbone, probably feeling good about having to literally look down at Annette, not that that made Annette feel small. In this moment, she wasn’t. With a sneer, Liana said, “Hope his feelings don’t crap out on him again. He can be dysfunctional that way.”

Annette clenched her jaw at that, quite literally having to bite her tongue from snapping back at the brunette who was now walking away. But Annette was quick to calm herself down as she released a breath through her nose. The playlist Calum made for her for Christmas, all consisting of new songs he’d written, all about her, and recorder for her to listen to, would easily prove Liana wrong. But that was for Annette to enjoy.

She hadn’t realized she’d been smiling until Calum was in front of her, tugging at the hem of his leather jacket as he raised an eyebrow at her. “What’re you smiling at, weirdo?”

With a laugh and a roll of her eyes, she shook her head and stood up. “Nothing. Just excited about this party,” she dismissed, feeling a calmness settle over her as Calum grabbed his guitar case and allowed his free arm to rest over her shoulders.

Hours later, Annette stood by the large windows of Ashton’s living room, her eyes taking in the city before them past the reflection of the inside of the apartment where the lights were on and people were mingling. The entire city was partying—it was damn near hell getting from her apartment to Ashton’s since everyone was headed to Times Square—but Annette appreciated being in the warmth and comfort of the apartment than the bitter cold of New York. She also enjoyed watching the vague flurries of snow falling from the sky, high above the skyscrapers around them.

As she swallowed her sip of whatever fruity, alcoholic mixed drink Luke had concocted, Annette felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist and a somewhat scruffy chin deliciously scraping against the skin of her neck. “You good, Annie?” Calum’s deep, quiet voice questioned, keeping her back against his chest as his voice ran smoothly—she’d rather hear that than the music currently playing.

Annette leaned her head back, the smile quirking up her lips at him and the use of the nickname as she placed her left hand on top of both of his, right hand holding the cup. “Mhm,” she hummed, tilting her head slightly to press her lips in a quick kiss to his cheek. She loved kissing his cheeks. “How much longer until midnight?”

Calum hummed thoughtfully as he unwound one arm from around her, digging into his pocket to pull out his phone and bring it around so Annette could see the screen that read 11:58. Annette let out an excited, almost childlike gasp. “It’s almost time!”

Chuckling, Calum pressed his own lips to her jaw, widening Annette’s grin as she felt his scruff scratch against her some more, adding to the sensation of his soft lips. “Why do you think I came to find you?” She let out a light giggle, turning in his arms to face him, though Calum’s arms remained around her. Looking down at her, Calum tilted his head and asked, “So did you decide on your New Years’ resolution?”

“I did,” Annette grinned, the excited glint returning in her eyes as she practically bounced on her heel clad fleet, Calum’s grip on her keeping her in place as he let out a small whoa, eyeing her cup warily, though the smile remained present. Annette already knew of Calum’s resolution, since he’d told her yesterday, which was to secure a proper job at the label he currently had an internship at. Annette knew he could do it. He raised his eyebrows expectantly and she pressed a hand to his chest. “I think this is the year when I’m finally gonna pull out one of the thousands of ideas in my journal and write that damn book.” She poked him, shooting him a knowing, pointed look. “I’ve finally got some inspiration.” 

Calum’s questioning raised eyebrows turned to surprised, excited ones that mirrored the brightness of Annette’s grin, her last comment sending his heart into a frenzy like she always did. The thrill she felt over her resolution brought a grin to Calum’s face, knowing that this was something she’s been wanting to do for a while, and planting the idea was the first step. “Seriously?” Calum grinned, widening so his crinkles appeared and he let out a delighted laugh. “Annie, that’s exciting, love.” He gave her a squeeze, eliciting a giggle. “I’m proud of you.”

“Proud of me?” Annette repeated with a laugh, tilting her head as she gazed at him, eyes glinting. “I haven’t even started. It’s just a resolution for now.”

“It’s the first step,” he told her firmly, giving her a look that spoke of how much he believed in his words and, more importantly, in her. His grin returned. “I can’t wait to read your first draft.”

Annette scoffed. “No way. You’ll get the final one,” she told him. Calum’s pout and whatever he was about to say next was cut off when everyone started counting down from ten, the announcement of the countdown even beginning something that they both missed. She shot Calum a wink, something that only made him grin as she started, “Ten. . . Nine. . .”

Calum shot her a wry grin, though the amusement lit up his dark eyes as he joined in with a teasing roll of his eyes, his hands pressed to her lower back as everyone’s voices echoed throughout the apartment. The two of them remained by the windows, glancing around to see everyone watching the TV that was playing the ball drop happening live, but Annette had seen it all the time—had even gone to it once with Colin and a few friends, a time she didn’t like remembering because of the chaos—and she would much rather be looking at her stupidly gorgeous, talented boyfriend.

He gazed down at Annette, the boyish, easy grin on his face finding home whenever she was around. It wasn’t at all difficult for Calum to admit to himself how he felt around Annette; she had him wrapped around her finger, and often had him questioning how he even fucking functioned before her. Being with her felt as natural as breathing, and every time Annette walked into the room, it was like coming up for air. All he had to do now was let her know and, unsurprisingly, he wasn’t scared.

Five. Annette’s free hand reached up, brushing away a curl from Calum’s forehead, the smile on her face ever present.

Four. He adored the blue that was just on the outer edges of her otherwise light brown irises—Calum could never tire of looking at them, framed with long lashes, dancing with a glint he hoped to find the meaning behind.

Three. After she basically ate her lipstick off, Annette made sure to put on Calum’s favorite flavor of her chapstick—watermelon.

Two. His heart was thundering in his chest, the excitement of the moment getting to him. But Calum knew it mostly had to do with the woman in his arms. It was always because of her.

One. There was so much swimming in his eyes, Annette could tell. So much that was rendering her breathless.

“Happy New Year!”

Their grinning lips met as cheers surrounded them, the entire apartment—and city—bursting into celebration as Annette leaned into Calum and the feel of his soft lips against hers. His arms left her waist so his hands could gently cup her cheeks, keeping her close as they commemorated the new year together, both secretly hoping this was just the first of many. It had only been three months, but they were ready for more.

Calum pulled away slowly, forehead still against hers, deaf and uncaring to the party going on around them as the warm of her cheeks tingled at his skin. He opened his eyes, smiling when he noted Annette was already watching him through hooded ones of her own, and the sight of her eyes and dazed smile made it all the more easy for the words to honestly spill out. “I love you.”

It was there. It was out for her to do with as she pleased. Calum’s heart was thundering in his chest but it was for Annette to have, and he felt his stomach twist in mild nervousness as he waited for her response. She didn’t even have to say it back, Calum realized, as she stared at him with those pretty eyes taken over with shock and disbelief. As long as she knew how he felt about her, Calum was fine. Because he hadn’t been good at this in the past, hadn’t been vocal about his feelings enough. And he would be damned if he let the same mistakes get in the way of his relationship with Annette.

Slowly, a smile lifted her lips and Calum watched her, just an inch or so of space between them, hands still on her cheeks as a gentle laugh escaped her. She felt warm under his touch as she mused, “Starting the year off with a bang, huh?” Her words had Calum letting out a breathless laugh, the nervous tinge to it not lost on either of them, and Annette’s expression softened. She leaned forward, capturing his lips in another gentle, slow kiss that Calum savored, the tension in his stomach easing. He felt himself come undone when Annette whispered back, “I love you too, rockstar.”

She loved him too. He’d always been able to breathe easily around Annette. Now he felt like he was fucking flying.

Her use of the nickname accompanying the very words he wanted to hear her say had Calum letting out a relieved laugh, pulling his lower lip into his grinning mouth as he stared at Annette. She called him that as if he wasn’t just some local performer at some cafe in New York, but Calum would be lying if he said he didn’t love it. She made him feel important, and she made him want to be someone who was worthy of how she felt about him.

Annette loved him and he loved her. They’d become each other’s inspirations, unwittingly and unapologetically—and Calum was ready to prove he was worthy of that title for her just like she already was for him for as long as she’d allow him to.

--

tags: @irwinkitten @glitterprincelu @sweetcherrymike @meetashthere @valentinelrh @softforcal @astroashtonio @hereforlukescruff @c-sainthood @novacanecalum @captain-what-is-going-on @angelbbycal @singt0mecalum @hopelessxcynic @lfwallscouldtalk @bodhi-black @findingliam-o @softlrh @calntynes @calumsmermaid @erikamarie41 @quintodosuniversos @longlastingdaydream @babylon-corgis @lukehemmingsunflower @spideyseavey @imfuckin10plybud @livibii123 @pastelpapermoons @malumharmonies @conquerwhatliesahead92 @rotten-kandy @metangi @neigcthood @ohhmuke @old-zeppelin-shirt @5sos-and-hessa @trustmeimawhalebiologist @vxlentinecal @pettybassists @vaporshawn @lu-my-golden-boi @buggy-blogs @visualm3nte @isabella-mae13 @dontjinx-it @lifeakaharry @neonweeknds @antisocialbandmate @ixcantxdecidexwhosxmyxfave @calpalbby @grreatgooglymoogly @sunnysideblog @cocktail-calum @miahelizaaabeth @madelynerin @dramallamawithsparkles @hzi0 @aulxna @mermaiden004 @theagenderwhocriedwolf @kaytiebug14 @hoodskillerqueen @bitchinbabylon @empathycth @xhaileyreneex @inlovehoodx @calistheloml @aestheticrelated @bloodlinecal @sublimehood @madbomb @raabiac @britnicole11 @outofmylimitcal @fluffsshawn @calumculture @sexgodashton

[yoonjinkooked]

I Miss You | Jungkook

Pairing: Y/N / Jungkook

Genre: Fluff, a bit of angst (mostly pining) and comedy, oneshot

Warnings: (cursing, brief mentions of anal sex (jokingly), banter, oblivious Jungkook, heavy pining on both sides)

Word Count: 3666

Summary: You are in love with your best friend and he doesn’t know it. When the two of you start breaking a long term tradition of yours, feelings become more obvious on both sides. 

A/N: Jimin’s bday gift for JK fucked me up. ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ is one of my all-time favorites and today it pushed me back into Blink 182 and “I miss you”. So, I wrote this in like two hours completely inspired by the song, even though I had other stuff to write. I will go do that now. I hope you enjoy this, let me know what you think! 

You could laugh at how stupid this whole thing is.

It is so ridiculous and plainly stupid but it still affects you, more than you would like to admit to anyone.

Since you were 18 and a broke college student, you and a fellow broke college student became friends, bonding over your love of music, movies, TV shows and essentially irrelevant pop culture knowledge. It didn’t take long for you and Jeon Jungkook to have weekly movie nights together, whether at his dorm room or your run down rental apartment.

It also didn’t take long for those weekly movie nights to end up being limited on one movie and one movie alone: The Nightmare Before Christmas.

There was something about that masterpiece that drew you both in, time and time again, never becoming boring. Of course, you needed to make sure of that: a few months down the road, movie nights were still a weekly occurrence but ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ nights were monthly.

You obsession went as far as dressing up as Jack and Sally for Halloween – it was a horribly executed costume, tragic even, but the two of you loved it. It was your thing. No one understood it but no one needed to – the two of you have always known.

Adulthood came knocking, graduations came and went, jobs became a daily and not a temporary thing but somehow, you and Jungkook still followed tradition.

Even three months ago, when Jungkook packed up and moved half the world away. Even with seven hours between the two of you, you still spared one day a month for your tradition.

Granted, you barely even watched the movie anymore – you would be too interested in catching up with one another, Skype was a bitch and constantly lagging and the first 15 minutes would always be spent in trying to play the movie at the same time. After yelling at each other and blaming the other one, and of course Skype, you would both just play the movie at your own terms, barely paying attention to it because you could finally look at each other again, even over a computer screen.

You were supposed to be having your movie day/night now. And for the first time in 6 whole years, Jungkook stood you up.

Twice before, movie night was cancelled. Once by you, once by him, very much in advance. And even then, it would simply end up being re-scheduled. Nothing stopped your movie nights, not illnesses, not real-life drama, not a whole ocean between the two of you.

Which is why it is actually painful now, when he did not show up.

He is online – you can see the little green light shining on his Skype name. It’s not yet late night in his time zone – he should be here. Or at the very least, texting you and asking for a last minute re-schedule.

And yet he isn’t. It’s stupid and it’s trivial and who the hell would be hurt with this but it also makes perfect sense because this? This feels like an ended chapter. No, a whole closed book.

Over the years, you and Jungkook always hovered between being the best of friends and maybe, just maybe, something a little bit more.

Frankly speaking, you had a stupid crush on him for several years and never did anything about it, perfectly aware that said crush had ruined every single attempt at a relationship you have ever had. You tried to leave it behind, knowing you would never be able to put your feelings into words, much less actions. You knew your longing for Jungkook would always remain unsaid and you tried to move on. There were men, one night stands, serious relationships, all of it – and none of it worked.

Him moving miles away didn’t have the desired effect either. It was still there, in your heart, annoying you and making it painfully obvious just how strong the stupid crush is.

But this? This situation from today? It finally did what nothing else could do.

It showed you that you and Jungkook will never be.

Seemingly meaningless to someone else, a punch in the gut for you.

  JK: Y/N? You there? [4:24 AM]

JK: Y/N!!!!!!! Come on! I know you’re up! [4:36 AM]

JK: btch, I know you’re up and watching Walking Dead or something [4:39 AM]

JK: Ugh, fine, whatever [4:51 AM]

Y/N: I was sleeping, dumbass [9:08 AM]

Y/N: What do you want [9:08 AM]

JK: Finally! I wanna reschedule our movie night – I couldn’t make it last night, sorry. You wanna do it tonight? [9:14 AM]

Y/N: Can’t do it tonight – have work to do. [9:14 AM]

JK: Tomorrow night? [9:16 AM]

Y/N: Soz, work. [9:16 AM]

JK: Any night in the next two weeks? [9:17 AM]

Y/N: Ask me in a few days, I will know more. [9:22 AM]

  “Thank you so much for taking me out tonight,” you smile at your date, trying to make the awkward first-date goodbye a little less awkward. Hoseok is a kind, charming guy – on paper, he is exactly what you need, what you had hoped to find. Stable in all the right ways and not textbook proper. If you were to let your imagination run wild, Hoseok would be a perfect long term companion – yes, one date was more than enough for you to realize that.

“It was my pleasure,” he smiles brightly at you, a smile that should make your stomach somersault. It doesn’t. As much as you want it to, it doesn’t. “I would very much like to do this again. Are you free on Monday, for example?” he suggests.

“I’ll have to check my schedule,” you avoid giving him a direct answer, despite knowing you have absolutely no plans for Monday night. You don’t want to lead him on but you are not brave enough to say it to his face. “I’ll message you once I know. Thank you so much and have a good sleep,” you tell him, hand already on the car door – you didn’t want to give him a chance to do something more.

“Bye Y/N,” he smiles at you as you close the door, the sound of it making you flinch.

He is perfect but he is not him.

He is not your stupid best friend, the one who eats too much ramen and misses scheduled movie nights and snorts when he laughs and cries during cheesy romcoms and makes you laugh like no one ever has.

He is not the guy you are insanely comfortable with, the guy who had made you shed every single mask you have ever worn and show yourself to him for who you really are. He is not the guy you want, he is not the guy you need.

But unlike Jungkook, he is here.

You cannot string Hoseok along and you cannot let your feelings for Jungkook take over you – it’s over and you know it. You just need to learn how to live with it.

  You are so sure that you’re dreaming, you don’t even bother lifting your head, much less answering your phone when you hear it ringing. Soon enough, it stops and you almost fall right back into your dream before it rings again – and this time too, you don’t even bother because it’s obviously a dream.

The third time it had started to ring, you know you’re not dreaming.

You also know that it’s fucking late and as ‘How I Met Your Mother’ had taught you, nothing good happens after 2AM.

With a sense of dread, you do reach for your phone, not bothering to open your eyes as you try to slide your finger on the right area.

“What?”

“Hey… it’s me,” you recognize his voice instantly.

“Jungkook what the fuck do you want?” you sigh. “It’s almost,” you pause to look at your phone’s clock, nearly blinding yourself in the process, forcing your eyes shut as soon as you saw the exact time. “It’s past 4AM. What the fuck?”

“I’m sorry, I know it’s late,” he apologizes instantly. “But I just wanted to see what you were up to.”

“What I-,” sometimes, like right now, you cannot believe the stupidity Jeon Jungkook can utter. For a genuinely bright and knowledgeable person, there are times when he truly is the biggest dumbass you have encountered in your whole life. “I’m sleeping – what the fuck did you think I’d be doing?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” he mumbles. He doesn’t even have to be in front of you for you to know that he is pouting – right about now, he is looking like a kicked puppy, making you want to hug him and punch him at the same time, because even with an entire ocean between the two of you, he is using his charms in his favor – he knows how fucking whipped you are for his pout, even if you can’t see it.

“Did something happen?” you ask, finally realizing that he must have some reason to call you at this hour.

“Why weren’t you here today for our movie night?” he blurts out.

“Huh? Jungkook, we didn’t plan a movie night today.”

“No, we didn’t but we always have it on a Saturday,” he tells you. “I just assumed after weeks of not having one, we will have one this Saturday.”

“I never confirmed that,” you mumble, suddenly not as sleepy as you were seconds ago.

“I watched it alone,” he admits, his voice sounding oddly sentimental. However, you are still sleepy and could very well be imagining the whole thing. “It felt so weird, to watch it without you. It felt wrong.”

“I watched it alone the last time we had our movie night,” you remind him, hoping that you don’t sound too sour. You are not angry – you’re really not. Yes, you are still a little bit hurt, but not by his actions. You are hurt because those actions made you realize the truth you have been avoiding for years now. “It felt wrong then too. But life goes on.”

“What do you mean life goes on?” he asks.

“Life goes on,” you repeat. “We live in different places now. We have our own obligations. I had a date tonight – last time, you had… whatever it is that you had. We are not those stupid students anymore, Jungkook. Traditions are cool but real life gets in the way.”

“I don’t want life to go on without our tradition,” he uses his kicked puppy voice again.

“Me neither but tough luck.”

“Was the date good?”

“It was,” you answer honestly. You could never lie to Jungkook – not in person, not over text, not over the phone. Keeping things to yourself was a more common practice than you’d like to admit but never have you lied to him. “It was good but there won’t be a second one.”

“That’s very contradictory,” he points out.

“I know,” you sigh. “I guess I just had to admit to myself that he wasn’t what I am looking for.”

“Y/N, do you even know what you are looking for?” he chuckles.

Better than you might think. “I know exactly what I am looking for. Sleep. Goodbye Jungkook.”

“Y/N, wait-“ he tries to stop you.

“We will talk in a few hours. Goodbye!”

You had to end the call before you ended up saying things you will likely end up regretting. They were there, on the tip of your tongue. It would have been so easy to say them, to finally not carry that burden with you. It would have been easy, therapeutic even. But the aftermath? The aftermath would have destroyed you and you knew it.

  You curse when the ringing drags you away from your dream – it was a good dream too. You were eating chicken wings and someone, you can already imagine who, decided to pull you away from it.

Jungkook and you had a timetable of times when it is socially acceptable to call the other one – different time zones made you do it. For four months, both of you were perfectly capable of sticking to it. Except, over the course of last week, Jungkook had decided to blatantly ignore it, several times.

“Jungkook, this is the third time this week you wake me up at the dead of night,” you answer the phone angrily, not even checking the caller ID because you know it’s him. “What do you want?”

“I miss you.”

“You truly could have waited a few more hours to tell me that.”

“Actually, I couldn’t,” he tells you, to which you just roll your eyes. “Y/N, I’m going to need you to not interrupt me now – I have something to say. Are you awake enough to listen?” he checks.

“I am,” you mumble. Yeah, now you are, when the dumbass woke you up.

“I miss you,” he tells you the same thing again, the words not having much of an effect on you because you know he is not missing you in the way you want him to. “It pisses me off that we don’t have our movie nights anymore. It is just so wrong to watch ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ without you and it pisses me off that it’s like that – it’s just a stupid movie. I should be able to watch it without thinking about you every damn second.”

You want to reply to that, of course you do, but his earlier request and frankly, your surprise, leave you speechless. You do however sit up, knowing that even if you ended the call this second, you wouldn’t be able to fall asleep for the remainder of the night.

“I know that this is not something I should be doing right now,” he continues. “It’s wrong and if I am going to say it, I should at least say it to your face and not over the phone, at the dead of night. But I just… I can’t keep it in anymore, you know? I miss you. I miss you so fucking much Y/N.”

You want to ask him why, you want to brush it off. After years of keeping your hopes down, you don’t want one misunderstanding to get them up. You know, you just know, he doesn’t miss you like that.

“Ever since I got here, I have kept living with this horrible feeling,” Jungkook admits, swallowing lumps as he speaks. “I know I have made a mistake. I knew it even before I left. I thought it would clear my head, lessen your influence or whatever… and it just didn’t. I am still feeling the same way about you as I did before and now I can’t even see you. I sabotaged myself.”

He is talking about his feelings for you, he said it in those very words and still, you don’t want to believe what you’re hearing, knowing that if you believe it, the eventual truth will leave you broken. Your heart however gives you away – it starts beating faster, excited at what this could mean.

“I miss you, Y/N. And I don’t just miss you as a friend. That’s a given, that will always be true, even if you don’t ever want to see my face after tonight. But I just needed to put it out there before I… exploded. I miss you. I want to be right there, right next to you. Kissing you, holding your hand… doing all sorts of things to you, things that would make you blush and kick me in the shin if I were to voice them. I don’t want to scare and chase you away, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, that’s exactly why I haven’t said this for so long but I just can’t keep it in. Not when you are ditching movie nights and going on dates and living your best life while I am… pining after you. And I don’t blame you – you didn’t know, I made sure of that. But now you do. And whatever your response is, just know that I will always consider you my best friend, whether you let me fuck you into oblivion and hold your hand 24/7 or if you never want to see my sorry ass ever again.”

For the first time in a very long time, your heart and mind are on the same page. One is not trying to hold to hold the other one back or to push it into something that makes no sense. No, your heart and mind are not working together, both perfectly aware and very accepting of that fact that for you, it was always going to be Jungkook.

Whether your feelings are returned or not, whether it never happens or lasts a lifetime, it was always going to be him.

And now, when your mind is finally accepting, and aware of Jungkook’s feelings, you can finally embrace the feeling you have spent years, fucking years, trying to escape.

He likes you. Hell, if he’s anything like you, he is in love with you. ‘Like’ is too weak. You like someone you barely know. When you know the person you like, when you actually know them, the way you and Jungkook know each other, it’s more than just ‘like’.

“Can I talk now?” you ask.

“I kind of want to say no,” Jungkook sheepishly admits. “But I know you have to. So go on, Y/N. Go on and break my heart. For all I know, that may be the exact thing I need.”

“Okay, now I’m going to ask you to shut the fuck up,” you deadpan, not surprised when you hear silence on the other side – Jungkook was never a push around but the truth of the matter is, he knows how scary you can get when you are angry. He doesn’t want to make you angry, not right now. “Seeing as you moved your ass to a different continent and couldn’t wait till the morning to call me, you are obviously blind and completely unaware of the massive crush I’ve had on you for years.”

It’s his turn to be stunned to silence.

Or maybe he’s quiet because you asked him to. Shit.

“I’m done,” you tell him. “Your turn.”

“That’s all you’re gonna say?”

“Are you seriously complaining right now?” you ask in disbelief. “What more do you need? I like you, you dumbass. I have liked you for years! I want you here, next to me, holding my hand and all that shit. And all the things you say you want to do to me, if I were you, I would compile a list of them before coming back home because I’d let you do them all.”

“Y/N, are you-“

“Well, maybe not all. I’m still iffy about the butt stuff.”

“Are you seriously talking about anal while confessing your feelings for me?!”

“I just didn’t want you to get your hopes up for nothing, that’s all,” you admit in a low voice. You know you’re going to end up regretting saying this. Jungkook has a horrible, yet endearing habit of reminding you of all the embarrassing things you have ever said in his presence and mentioning anal sex in the middle of such a heartfelt conversation will definitely make the cut.

“I miss you even more now,” he admits, sighing into the phone. “Do you seriously like me?”

“Yes,” you reassure him. “It’s weird, I know.”

“Hey!”

“It is!” you argue. “You are my best friend. It wasn’t supposed to happen that way.”

“Or maybe it was absolutely supposed to happen that way,” he counters. “Is there a better feeling than falling for your best friend?”

“Hell yeah, it’s a horrible feeling,” you laugh. “It only feels good when you know it’s not one-sided.”

“Okay, you do have a point there,” he chuckles. You find yourself feeling all giddy on the inside, biting your lip and fighting the urge to yell out of pure happiness. It’s actually happening. After years of not being able to keep him out of your heart, you finally don’t have to. Sure, the whole conversation is weird as fuck but it’s also very Jungkook. Very you and Jungkook. If it had happened in any other way, it would not be so characteristically you. “So… now what?”

“You’re the one who moved away – you need to answer that one.”

“Temporarily,” he sighs. “I tell you this every time Y/N, it’s temporary-“

“Yeah, yeah.”

“-because I literally can’t stand being away from you,” he ends with a sigh, making your heart flutter all over again. “I’ll still be here for two months. I’d say… maybe you should go to your living room and play our movie. And we can watch it once a week, sticking to our tradition. And then, when I come back home, I will kiss you silly and make both of us regret being silent for as long as we were.”

“You gonna date me?” you giggle as you get up and head straight for your living room.

“I’m gonna date the shit out of you,” he announces.

“Are you gonna meet my parents?”

“I already know your parents, Y/N,” he laughs and you chuckle too, as you turn on your TV. “But I’ll gladly meet them all over again. We need to discuss how much you’ll be bringing into our marriage, after all.”

“Oh, fuck you!” you laugh.

“Give it two months babe and you will do just that.”

“You are insufferable.”

“And you love it.”

Watching ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ was always a special tradition for the two of you, but never more special than now, with him half the world away and on the phone with you, while you banter and ignore the growing feeling in your chest, acting as if this is a completely normal thing to do on a Wednesday at 3AM. Because for the two of you, it kind of is.

[vitosscaletta]

🍓 🍓 🍓🍓🍓🍓 for ALL your vampire kids! 🦇

AIRIKA..TY FOR MY LIFE! ok this is gonna be long 

CHRISTIAN

🍓 — he’s over 300 years old (that technically makes him an elder according to the lore book… overpowered king) & was embraced in the 1600s, he was the son of a french marquis back in the day 😳 He lived in Versailles for a long time & considered it his home even though people would literally shit in the corners there -_-

🍓 — has NO idea how technology works… he has one of those ugly early 2000s flip phones because he saw other people having those but has absolutely no idea how to use them, much less a computer. Most people just think he’s ~romantic or something for writing letters but he really has no idea how to write an email :(

🍓 — He’s the baron of Bel Air.. has a nice mansion there bc living for over 300 years gives you time to hoard that much money ig. 

🍓 — His grand-sire (??) is Helen of Troy 😳 overpowered af bloodline

🍓 — He doesn’t care about vampire politics in the slightest and is sort of aligned with the camarilla bc he has power within them but there’s no loyalty or conviction.. the main reason he’s in it is to start drama and watch it unfold 💅 He and La🥐 can’t stand each other but also can’t do anything about it… Strauss is okay with him but they’d also sell each other out for one corn chip.. He’s sort of frenemies with Gary, they hate each other because… yknow toreador and nosferatu but they’re equally shady so there’s mutual respect… in an odd way 

🍓 — He doesn’t have any other childe..r… whatever the term is except miss Helena.. he hangs around humans a lot but has no real attachment to them (except being kind of a hoe and.. yknow.). She’s the first mortal in a long time he felt anything for which was mostly just good old toreador obsession but he thought it was love.. she vaguely resembled a lost love of his. and had potential I guess so he actually got permission for embracing her babey… just not from her bc he didn’t even consider someone wouldn’t want to be a vampire.. 🙄

HELENA

🍓 — Having OP Christian as her sire did have its perks even though she hates his guts for embracing her… She automatically had a pretty good position within the camarilla through connection alone :^) she works as sort of an informant/spy for the prince directly.. which puts her at odds with a bunch of people - they either think she’s an inexperienced little girl who doesn’t know what she’s doing and works for an incompetent prince OR hate her for being in his sort of inner circle without having to work for it (like Victoria. she thinks that)

🍓 — CRINGE but it be like that sometimes… she’s descended from a looong line of vampire/witch hunters on her dad’s side - he’s from a catholic german family who was largely involved with the society of Leopold. Michael himself wasn’t overly religious (still studied theology but didn’t actually care) and left all of this behind when he moved to america & got married but after he and Jenny divorced he was like “know what… time to become a zealot again”. His ex-wife and daughters are completely unaware of that of course 😳 dunno if Helena sees him again after becoming a vampire 🙄 but yknow.

🍓 — Doesn’t have any of the “vampires are better than mortals” superiority complex that a lot of the others seem to have.. does think thin-bloods are losers though kjdkjdfnms

🍓 — Only video game she plays is the sims!! she bought ts1 when it came out for fun and got hooked.. ts2 is even better!!!!! first thing she did was make a sim that resembles her and marries a business tycoon 💅💸

🍓 — owned one (1) YSL dress she bought from her savings (which was USED)  but she couldn’t afford anything else so she just wears it with something she found at hot topic every time she goes out with her rich fake friends pre embrace. When she works for La🤡 and actually makes some money she can afford a SECOND dress babey! with shoes!!!

🍓 — She’s actually really into some standard 2004 radio pop songs but also emo songs at the same time.. except the genre didn’t have anything good in 2004 except three cheers for sweet revenge (she’s also really into evanescence, green day and blink 182 which isn’t really emo but it was still part of the experience™ nfdkjdf) - which is also her entire aesthetic summed up, emo meets theatre kid prep.. Helena: *googles “how to look like Gerard Way and Britney Spears at the same time makeup tutorial”*

ERIN

🍓 — sdjhsdh cringe but she’s always been kind of a weirdo but was pretty good at hiding it/acting normal & was part if the prep gang in her high school days (not the leader, more the kind of the replaceable third wheel), she always preferred hanging out with the weirdos though. Post-embrace everyone just thinks “lol crazy malkavian” so she’s just like 🤷‍♀️.. 

🍓 — Her sire, Ray, was suuuch a freak but she liked him because he was something.. different in her sheltered, dull life and made her feel excitement she hasn’t felt in a long time. He bails on her after embracing her bc he sired her without permission & fears execution (even though literally no one cares or even knows he sired someone) but has letters delivered to her from time to time instructing her what to do lol

🍓 — Actually enjoys the freedom vampirism gives her? She’s officially dead so she has the option to start again and be whoever she wants to be… it’s scary at first bc she has no idea what’s going on and where these voices come from but she gets used to it, also the voice of her late grandmother in her head is a comforting presence for her… I imagine she’s actually in there kinda like the heart in dishonored, afterlife isn’t her granddaughter’s mind but it’s sort of an echo of her? IDK she tinkered with magic in life so supernatural schizophrenia added that to Erin’s mind.

🍓 — She loves early 2000′s radio pop (yknow.. Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, Kelly Clarkson… etc) but also classical music, stuff from the 20′s, alternative rock, the early 2000s goth music that’s playing in L.A.’s nightclubs …. she’s gonna thrive in 2006 when a fever you can’t sweat out drops!!!

🍓 — She’s part of the anarchs but mostly hangs out in hollywood or downtown (only goes to santa monica to visit the asylum (BEST nightclub ever in her onion. isolated SLAPS)

🍓 — yknow in the 2000s when people had invader zim merch from hot topic.. she owns this backpack 🤦‍♀️ it clashes with the rest of her style which is already a horrendous mix of victorian/early 20th century gothic and 2004 prep style 

VICTORIA  

🍓 — her background is still a BIG wip but she was born at some point in the late twenties/early thirties and embraced in 1954 :^) she was a bit of a workaholic and had an intense work ethic but never made it far within the company she was working for because it’s the fifties (thinking maybe it was her father’s company bc she was RICH.. there was a feud between her & a few male relatives on who’s gonna lead or something)… She was eventually noticed by a ventrue businessman who thought her ambition and no-nonsense attitude would be a great addition to the clan - She was promised a opportunity to rise within a different society without le sexism. Go white feminist queen!

🍓 — her embrace wasn’t really what she thought it would be.. drinking other’s blood REPULSES her and she has a hard time adjusting to it, plus kindred society isn’t really what she imagined - by the time she’s embraced L.A. has no camarilla presence so there’s really nothing for her to do so she moves to New York to join them there.. except she’s stuck with a shitty job and no one taking her seriously because of her age 😒 When they establish a presence in Los Angeles she’s the first to suck up to the prince & be assigned a somewhat high position (I guess adviser to the ventrue primogen and also being tight with the prince is good!!)

🍓 — She dresses very business-y BUT always designer bc she got money 😳 her wardrobe is chic but also minimalist, also with a hint of fifties design because fashion peaked then in her opinion.. mostly in dark colors, reds, browns and mostly black combined with minimal jewelry and high heels… very very elegant

🍓 — genuinely loves romcoms from the 50s and 60s (doris day & rock hudson movies b*tch!!) but also “newer” one from the 90s and 2000′s.. notting hill, pretty woman and 13 going on 30 are her favorites that she watches when she’s off duty, cozy in her downtown apartment.. but don’t tell anyone 😤

🍓 — She’s THE queen bee within the L.A. camarilla… doesn’t have any friends in her workplace but she’s respected by everyone and that’s what matters to her (it does get lonely sometimes but it be like that. She’s not gonna give up her status for shallow friendships 😒)

🍓 — loves those ugly small 90s/2000s glasses but they clash with every outfit she has so she doesn’t wear them

[missing-marvel]

Give Me All Your Poison

Pairing: Eddie Brock/Reader

Warnings: vague mention of sex, otherwise nothing

A/N: This ones for all my emos out there, in light of news regarding a certain band. You’ll see. Wrote this all in one go, was up till like 3 am so here’s hoping it’s coherent

----

A lot of people think San Francisco will make them famous. The city’s music scene was like a Where’s Waldo of different bands, many of which were mediocre, and the rest downright bad. 

Yours was no different. Your lead singer tried to channel his ‘inner Armstrong’ as he put it, but your songs sounded more like if Blink 182 had been put through a blender. You only had like 5 original songs (none of which were particularly great) so most of time you played covers. Plus the band’s name changed every couple of months, which it made it kind of difficult for people to remember you. Good thing you weren’t doing it to get famous. 

It was an outlet for you. You didn’t even really care what you played, as long as it was loud. You didn’t sing, but you weren’t half bad with a guitar. As long as you had that, you were happy. 

-

You met Eddie through a friend. She was an online journalist and had a meeting with the famous (or infamous, to some) Eddie Brock. He worked for a different publication, but they were doing a collab piece. The ‘meeting’ was more of a social event, with quite a few people from both companies in attendance. You were there as moral support. 

“Not to sound like I’m hitting on you, but have I seen you before?” Eddie stood in front of you, hands half tucked in his pockets. 

You leaned back on the snack table behind you, giving him a chuckle. “I doubt it,” you said, pausing to sip your water. “Unless you’re into semi-trashy rock bands.”

“Can’t say that I am. Not a big fan of loud noise.” Eddie ran a hand through his hair. You couldn’t help but fixate on his voice, trying to figure out if he had some trace of an accent or just spoke like that. 

“So, you sing?” You almost didn’t register the question. 

“Huh? Oh no, I play guitar. Can’t sing to save my life. I mean, neither can our singer but it’s just for fun really.” If he were here, he’d be giving you hell for making fun of him. 

“Nothing wrong with that.” Eddie moved to stand next to you, also leaning on the table as you looked out across the room. “So what brings a guitarist to a meeting of journalists?” he asked. 

“My friend insisted I joined her, she’s over there,” you gestured in her direction. “She’s the one working with you on that new story or whatever.”

“Oh right, I talked to her. Seemed like an interesting person. Makes sense she’d have interesting friends.” 

You couldn’t suppress a grin. “Still not hitting on me, huh?” You side-eyed the reporter, watching his face go ever so slightly red. 

“I promise, I promise,” he said, hands held up in mock surrender. “Unless uh, you want me to, that is.” God was he always this awkward? You’d seen his old show, The Eddie Brock Report. He seemed confident and determined. Not at all like he was now. It was charming, really.

You smiled and looked down at your feet briefly, not really responding. Honestly, you didn’t think you’d mind even if he was hitting on you. He was definitely good looking. He had some of the softest lips you’d ever seen on a man and a vaguely scruffy look about him. 

Someone shouted Eddie’s name from across the room and waved him over. He turned to go but stopped before he got far. 

“Hey what’s your name?” 

You told him, silently thinking maybe this day wasn’t going to be such a waste after all.

“You playing any shows soon? Wouldn’t mind catching one.” He took a small step backwards, as if reluctant to leave the conversation. 

“I thought you didn’t like loud music?” You said, noting the smile that lit up his face. 

“I can make an exception.” 

“We’re playing this weekend at the Runaway’s Bar. Friday and Saturday, both at 9.” 

“Well, I’ll be there.” With that he turned to head across the room and you were alone once again. You decided to go find your friend and tell her about your little encounter. 

-

The band was just about finished setting up, and your eyes were scanning the room. The lights were dim and cast a blue and yellow haze on everything. It was hard to make out people’s faces. 

Not that you really expected Eddie to show up. He seemed like a pretty busy guy. He was probably just being nice. Still, you couldn’t help but feel a hint of disappointment when you couldn’t find him.

-

Eddie showed up to the crowded bar at 9:15, worried he’d missed the beginning of your show. Luckily, you were just getting started. The lead singer was introducing the band, but Eddie wasn’t totally listening. He was looking for you and it only took him a second. You were dressed in a worn out leather jacket and dark red jeans. You weren’t too hard to spot. 

“Are you sure about this? If they’re anything like that damn neighbor—“ Venom’s voice in Eddie’s head only echoed his own concerns, but he cut him off anyway. 

“Relax V, I’m sure we’ll be fine.” Eddie turned his head to the side slightly, trying not to look like he was talking to himself. One of these days he’d get one of those earpieces so he could pass it off as a phone call, but he never remembered. 

“You’re not even here for the music.” Venom’s tone wasn’t of disapproval but rather of curiosity. Still, Eddie wasn’t going to grace the symbiote with a response. 

The first song kicked in, a cover of some song from the 90’s, and Eddie found a seat on the side of the bar closer to the stage. 

Your attention was focused on your lead singer as the chorus started, watching his movements. He liked to move around the stage a lot and if you weren’t careful, he’d run straight into you. It had happened during a show before, and it wasn’t pretty. 

Your hands moved across the instrument with almost no input from your brain. You’d been playing these songs for years. They were pure muscle memory at this point. 

When you were convinced your singer would stay on his side of the stage for the time being, your gaze drifted back to the audience. Most of the bar’s occupants were engrossed either in their conversations or their glasses, but a decent handful were actually watching you. You made eye contact with a man at the bar and a smile broke out across your face. Eddie Brock had shown up after all. He nodded and raised his glass at you. 

There was a spring in your step for the rest of the song, and you had to resist the urge to just watch Eddie the whole time. 

-

The first song had gone okay. There was a dull buzz in Eddie’s head from the noise, but nothing unbearable yet. Venom was agitated, certainly, but also interested in the show. Too loud of a noise was painful or even lethal for the symbiote,  but he was still keen on experiencing this new aspect of human culture. Unfortunately, that was about to change. 

The next song was much heavier, not the mild grunge type of the first one. As it went on, each note became a sharp stab in Eddie’s head. He grimaced, gritting his teeth. He’s said he’d watch your show and dammit, he wanted to. He knew he’d look like a jerk if he left now, but it was looking like he wouldn’t have a choice. Much more of this and he’d be feeling some serious pain. He downed the rest of his drink in one go and reluctantly made his way to the exit. 

-

This song was a particular favorite of yours to play. It was energetic, bold, and most importantly, it was loud. Every note reverberated through your very bones. You couldn’t tell what was your heartbeat and what was the music. It was maybe the best feeling in the world. 

You looked back to the bar, wondering if Eddie was enjoying the song anywhere near as much as you were. Your heart sank, however, when you saw his seat empty. For a moment you thought maybe he’d just gone to the bathroom or something, until you glanced toward the door. Even under the aging lights, you could recognize him as he stepped outside, head down and a hand on his temple.

You knew you weren’t great, but were you that bad? Up until now, you’d never really cared what people thought of your band. You knew you shouldn’t be so upset, but you couldn’t help it. After all, what were the odds of a guy like Eddie really being interested in you. 

You continued the show, but your heart just wasn’t in it anymore. Hopefully by tomorrow you’d be over it.

-

The second the door shut behind him, Eddie felt like a weight had been lifted. Like his head had been stuck in a vice that only grew tighter the louder the music got. 

Despite the chilly night air, Eddie was sweating. He wiped his brow with a sleeve and let out a sigh. 

“Well that sucked.” Venom was nothing if not optimistic.

“Yeah I just... I feel like an ass. You think anyone saw us leave?” 

“By ‘anyone’ you clearly mean—“ Venom didn’t need to finish the sentence for Eddie to get the point. 

“Who am I kidding, of course they saw us.” Eddie rubbed his hands together for warmth as he began walking. The music was still faintly audible, sending another stab of guilt through him. 

“That’s too bad. I quite liked (Y/N).” Venom set to work keeping Eddie warm. Perks of having an alien live inside of you.

“Yeah so did I, bud. So did I...” Eddie trailed off, the start of an idea forming in his head. He was giving up too easily. You had another show tomorrow night, and he’d be damned if he didn’t get to see it. 

-

You’d taken a cab home pretty quick after the show. You weren’t in the mood to socialize. Your drummer had noticed and tried to ask you what was wrong, but you just shrugged her off. You said it was nothing and you’d see them all tomorrow night. 

——

You were feeling a little better by the time the show rolled around on Saturday. You didn’t want to let yourself dwell on things that you couldn’t fix. What was the point? So you decided tonight was going to be an even better show. All you had to do was let the music take over and it would be like all this Eddie business had never happened.

But you were still at a loss. He’d seemed genuinely interested, hadn’t he? Why else would he have shown up in the first place? And he acted like a pretty nice guy too. You just didn’t know what you did wrong.

By the time you got to the third song, your lead announced you’d be doing something different tonight. 

“Due to a recent announcement, we have a special cover we want to perform for you tonight,” he said. This was all planned, of course. While this kind of song may not be everyone’s cup of tea, you couldn’t not celebrate the reunion of a band that had broken up in 2013. 

The opening of the song brought back memories of your punk days. You were still unashamedly a My Chemical Romance fan, contrary to what people might assume when they met you. 

Your singer was no Gerard Way, but a good song was a good song. 

“I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me

I'm just the way that the doctor made me”

You noted a few surprised faces in the crowd. The song was a little different than your usual set. You couldn’t care though. You rode the nostalgia like your life depended on it. 

“Love is the red, the rose on your coffin door

What's life like, bleeding on the floor?

The floor, the floor”

You almost didn’t see him. He was a little further from the stage than last night, but it was definitely him. Did he feel bad about last night? Was he just going to walk out again? 

“You'll never make me leave

I wear this on my sleeve

Give me a reason to believe”

Eddie waved at you and a confused look crossed your face. It was almost enough to make you trip up the notes. Your drummer side-eyed you and you just tried to nod that you were fine, but you could tell she didn’t believe you. She tried to see who you’d been looking at but had no such luck. You made an effort to keep an eye on Eddie this time, although you tried not to make it obvious. 

“So, give me all your poison and give me all your pills

And give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill”

Eddie couldn’t believe it was working. He couldn’t make out most of the words, but he wasn’t in pain this time. 

Before the show today, he’d gotten himself some industrial-strength earplugs. He could certainly still feel the vibrations of the music, but with none of the stabbing pain of the previous night. 

He just hoped you weren’t upset with him.  He really wanted to talk to you after the show, but for now he could enjoy watching. The way your hands danced over the strings, the way the sweat glistened off your forehead, even the way you tapped your foot to the beat, it was mesmerizing. He could see just how deep you’d sunk into the song, and he admired it. 

While the song wasn’t Eddie’s usual type of jam, he had to admit it wasn’t half bad. What he could of hear of it, at least. 

“You're running after something that you'll never kill

If this is what you want, then fire at will”

You didn’t look at Eddie again for the rest of the song. As the final note played, you realized how heavily you were breathing and your heart was pounding in your chest. You got a slightly heartier-than-usual applause from the audience and you couldn’t help but let your attention drift back to Eddie. 

He hadn’t moved this time. He was still there, sleeves pushed up, clapping with the others. You thought you caught a glimpse of a tattoo on his arm. 

The rest of the show went smoothly. The later it got, though, the more antsy you became. Eddie was still there every time you checked, giving you that dorky smile whenever you made eye contact. You’d never wanted a show to end more than you did at that very moment. 

You were packing up your gear before your singer had even finished saying goodnight. You set your stuff aside and told the band you’d be right back. All but sprinting off the stage, you made a beeline for where you’d seen Eddie. 

Now that you were actually on the floor, it was a lot harder to find him. At one point you thought you saw him, but then he was lost in the crowd. Since when are there this many people here? Just when you’d stopped to look around, you were startled by a tap on your shoulder.

“Hey, great show!” Eddie didn’t realize he was shouting. Not that the bar was all that quiet anyway. He was just happy you came to talk to him. Well, he could see you talking to him, anyway, but no sound came out of your mouth. “What?” he asked, still just a little too loudly. 

You noticed he had earplugs in and laughed. Eddie was caught off guard by it. This wasn’t like when you had laughed the other day. No, now you were truly happy, and it made all the difference. He had the sudden feeling that he’d do just about anything to see you laugh like that again. 

“Take out the earplugs!” You all but yelled, gesturing at your own ears. Eddie let out a soft ‘oh’ and removed the earplugs. 

“Yeah that’s much better,” he said, his volume returned to normal. 

“You’re actually here,” you said, crossing your arms and leaning back just a bit. 

“Yeah, I am,” Eddie suddenly couldn’t make eye contact with you, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck ashamedly. “Look I’m sorry about last night. Like I said, I have a bit of a hearing problem and it was, well, loud...” 

Your relief was clear by the way your expression changed. So that was the only reason he left. You felt immeasurably dumb for jumping to all sorts of other conclusions. 

“That makes a lot more sense now. I kinda— we’ll it’s funny really— I sort of started assuming you didn’t like it o-or, I don’t know, didn’t like me. Hilarious, right?” You chuckled nervously and a concerned look briefly crossed Eddie’s face.

“What? Of course not! God I felt like such a jerk for leaving. I was worried you wouldn’t even want to talk to me tonight!” He suddenly felt really bad for making you worry. Now would be a good time to go back to laughing at him. 

Now was probably the only chance you would have to keep this guy around and you’d be damned if you didn’t take it. 

“Hey, do you wanna stick around for a bit? Here, I mean? Now?” Real smooth, you thought. 

“Yeah, but what about your band?” He asked, gesturing at your bandmates glaring at you impatiently from the side of the stage. 

“Oh, right!” You’d actually forgotten about them for just a moment. “I just have to help them pack up. They’ll probably want to stick around for a drink anyway. I’ll be right back!” You ran back towards the stage, looking back at Eddie as you went.  

“No problem, I’ll save you a seat!” he called after you. Eddie smiled and your heart melted just a little bit. God, he was a beautiful mess of a man. You had a good feeling about him. 

“I have a good feeling about this,” Venom rumbled and Eddie just hummed in agreement. 

-

You actually stuck around until almost closing time, which was a rare event for you. The more time you’d spent talking with Eddie, the less you wanted to leave. Your band came and found you when they were all ready to go home, but you really didn’t want to. 

“Oh,” you said, not even realizing what time it was. “I guess it is late, isn’t it...” 

Your band looked between you and Eddie, your drummer making eye contact with him specifically. She gave him a look, arching an eyebrow as if to say, “Well, are you going to do anything?” 

“Don’t let them leave, Eddie.” Venom was as reluctant to part ways as you were. Between him and your slightly intimidating drummer, Eddie more than got the message. 

“I can take you home if you want. I haven’t been drinking at all so I’m good to drive.” He felt awkward in front of your band, but they were all silently supporting him. They were your good friends and if you were happy, so were they. 

“Oh! Yeah, that would be great! You have a car?” You tried not to sound too eager. 

“I have a bike, actually.” Eddie realized he didn’t have a helmet for you. He never wore one because, well, he didn’t need one. Venom would protect him should they get in an accident. He’ll just have to drive extra careful. 

“Great! Hey I’ll see all you guys later, okay?” You waved to your band mates who promptly took off, sending a chorus of ‘goodnights’ your way. If you didn’t know better, you’d say your drummer winked at you as she left. 

-

You hadn’t been on a motorcycle in a long time. It was a lot of fun. Not to mention, you got to hold tightly onto Eddie the whole time. You could feel his warmth even through his jacket and you had to resist the urge to squeeze him any tighter. 

Eddie could not have imagined things going literally any better. He was fully prepared for you to ignore or even yell at him after last night yet here you were, arms wrapped right around his waist on the way to your apartment.

He hadn’t seen anyone since Anne, what with the whole symbiote situation and all, and he’d started to think maybe he never would. ‘Three’s a crowd’ and all that. But he really liked you, despite having only known you for a night (well, a little longer than that). Hell, even Venom liked you, which he’d made perfectly clear. 

When he pulled up in front of your apartment, Eddie really didn’t want to say goodnight. However, he wasn’t going to suggest anything else unless you did first. He had manners. 

The two of you got off the bike and you shivered a bit at the sudden lack of body heat. “I’m really glad you came back tonight, Eddie.” You were still standing quite close together, enough that you could see the bits of green in his otherwise blue eyes.

“Yeah, I’m glad I did too.” He didn’t know what else to say. You were so close to him, he could  feel your breath and every part of his brain was telling him to stay with you, to ask if you wanted him to. Instead, he did the only thing he could think of to keep himself from talking. 

The feeling of Eddie’s warm hands on your face caught you off guard, but you had no intention of stopping him. His lips met yours in a gentle kiss, as if unsure of how you’d react. Assuaging his fears, you wrapped your wrapped your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss further. He let out a hum at the response, suddenly more confident in his actions. 

You pulled away only when you finally needed air, your arms still wrapped tightly around Eddie. “You know... if you want, you could stay the night.” Your voice was barely above a whisper, but that’s all you needed. 

“I thought you’d never ask.” Eddie’s voice was husky, and for just a moment, almost imperceptibly, it sounded like two voices mixed together. You paid no attention to it, however. 

You had other things on your mind.