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robinrunsfiction · 4 years

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Swing Life Away

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female Reader Rating: Teen Requested By: None Word Count: ~7,000 Author’s Note: This story is about about what can happen between two people whose lives aren’t turning out exactly how they planned and what happens when they turn to each other. Inspired originally by the song “Hold On To Me” by Mayday Parade, there is a full playlist here of songs that inspired this story. TWs for mentions of substance abuse and depression. Post Bullets-era AU.

Gerard sighed as he pulled up in front of the convenience store. His well worn hoodie didn’t provide much relief against the New Jersey autumn air as he hurried inside. After checking the amount of cash he had in his pocket, he got a small coffee and headed to the counter. He rocked on his heels as he waited for the person being helped ahead of him to finish. Finally it was his turn.

“Anything else?” The girl behind the counter asked as she punched his coffee into the register, then she looked up. “Oh hey Gerard.”

Hearing her say his name, he looked up as well. “Oh, hey (YN), it’s been a while,” he smiled a little awkwardly. “Umm, can I get a pack of cigarettes?”

“Yea, sure. How’ve you been? I haven’t seen any fliers for a My Chem show recently, are you guys not playing right now?”

Gerard’s eyes widened for a moment and his mouth went dry. He didn’t think he would be having this conversation today, but (YN) had been coming out to My Chem shows since the beginning and he knew she was a genuinely nice person who deserved to hear the truth. “Umm, I broke it up.”

(YN)’s jaw dropped and she started to blush. “Shit, I’m sorry, I hadn't heard, otherwise I wouldn’t have brought it up,” she replied, nervously tucking at her hair.

“It’s ok,” he shrugged, trying not to let on that he was still disappointed about the whole situation. “Ray and Frank already found other bands to play with and I got a job at the comic book store so I’m back to something else I enjoy, so it’s ok really.”

“What about Mikey?”

Gerard rubbed at the back of his neck. “That’s why I broke it up. He, umm, he's got some problems. He’s in rehab,” Gerard mumbled the last part, barely audible to (YN).

“Fuck,” she breathed, looking down at the counter in front of her.

“Yea, our parents blamed me for the whole thing and kicked me out. I’ve been couch surfing for a while, or just staying in my car,” Gerard nodded toward his beat up old car parked out front. “Sorry, I just kinda dumped that all on you.”

“No, I asked, and I understand. Shit, I’m really sorry about all that,” (YN) said as she took Gerard’s money for his purchase. “Hey, please don’t be afraid to say no because this is a crazy idea I just had, but my roommate moved in with her boyfriend because she got knocked up, and I’ve been looking for someone to split the rent with. If you’re looking for a place,” (YN) trailed off with a shrug.

“Really?” Gerard asked, eyebrows raised. He was surprised at the offer. None of his friends that he had been crashing with had offered to let him stay more than a couple days at a time.

“Yea, I mean, why not?” She shrugged. “Wanna come over and check it out tonight?”

“Sure, that sounds good, what time?”

“I get off at 6, so like 6:30?”

“Yea, I can do that,” he smiled and (YN) felt like a massive weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

“Cool, here’s the address and my phone number for whatever,” she said as she scrawled the information on the back of his receipt.

“I’ll see you tonight,” he said with a wave after pocketing the cigarettes. For once in a long time, Gerard finally had some hope that things were about to turn around.

When (YN)’s shift was over at 6, she rushed home to quickly straighten up before Gerard arrived. She desperately needed a roommate or she’d have to break her lease and be in the same situation Gerard currently found himself in, but she didn’t want to let any stranger move in. At least she knew Gerard a bit; he was always nice and fun to be around when they hung out after shows, plus he had a regular job, which was good enough for her.

Shortly after 6:30 the doorbell rang and she rushed to answer it. “Hey Gerard, come on in.”

“Thanks,” he smiled, almost a little nervously.

(YN) gave him the tour through the small house, showing him the open bedroom across the hall from her own, the kitchen, and bathroom. “As you can see, I don’t really have a lot of furniture,” she said when they got back to the empty living room. “My roommate had all that unfortunately, so I just kinda hang out in my room. I don’t have any weird rules or anything, and the neighborhood is safe, sooo yea. Rent would be $600 a month each plus utilities, if you’re interested after all that.”

Gerard looked around again. “Yea, I mean this would be great.”

(YN) let out a sigh of relief she didn’t realize she was holding. “Oh that’s awesome, thank you. I really didn’t wanna lose this place.”

“Oh yea, I understand,” he smiled his lopsided smile. “How soon can I move in?”

“Whenever you want. My old roommate had paid through the end of this month, so we’re ok there. I’ll let the landlord know and do the paperwork stuff.”

“Do you mind if I stay tonight? ‘Cause I don’t have,” he trailed off.

(YN) felt absolutely gutted when she realized he meant he'd be spending the night in his car, as temperatures dropped near freezing. “Oh, shit, yea, I can help carry stuff in if you want,” (YN) said quickly, grabbing her coat from the closet and following him out to his car.

Gerard didn’t have much with him, a few changes of clothes, a blanket, pillow, and a backpack full of cds and comics. He insisted that he was fine to sleep on the floor, but (YN) still gave him an extra pillow and a couple of blankets to make himself a bit more comfortable.

"Thanks again (YN) for letting me move in here and everything," Gerard said as (YN) turned to go. "I can't begin to tell you how much I appreciate it."

"I think it's gonna work out well for both of us," she smiled as she closed the door behind her.

Gerard retrieved the rest of his belongings that weekend and got everything moved into his room. (YN) tried to give him space while he got settled, but eventually they started talking a bit more, getting to know each other as they got used to being around each other.

A few weeks later, (YN) was sitting on the counter next to the microwave when Gerard arrived home from work, the smell of fresh popcorn greeting him. “Hey, what are you doing tonight?” (YN) asked as Gerard walked into the kitchen.

“Umm, nothing, why?” Gerard asked.

“I was getting ready to watch a movie, if you wanna hang out.”

“Yea, sure,” he nodded. “What were you thinking?”

“I dunno, any of the classics that are easy to watch, like Star Wars or Back to the Future,” she shrugged.

Gerard’s eyes lit up. “I was thinking about Empire Strikes Back earlier today.”

“Well let’s watch that one then,” she nodded, hopping off the counter as the microwave beeped.

Gerard went back to his room and dropped his backpack on the bed. He opened it up and examined the bottle of alcohol he had purchased after work. He wasn’t sure why he did it, he had told Mikey that he’d get sober too, but he had been feeling so depressed lately, he thought it might help to take the edge off.

Instead, he stashed it under his desk and changed out of his work clothes and into some pajama pants and a comfortable t-shirt so he could relax. When he walked into (YN)’s room, he was reminded of the lack of places to sit other than with her on her bed. “I’ll go get my desk chair,” he said, turning to leave.

“Oh grow up, you can sit on my bed with me,” she laughed, patting the spot next to her.

“I didn’t wanna assume,” he said rolling his eyes as he sat down, the popcorn bowl between them. Gerard finally had a chance to really look around her room, and the first thing he noticed next to the modest tv was a bookshelf filled with movies. "Woah, I never noticed your movie collection before, how'd you get so many?"

"My cousin worked for Blockbuster up until a couple years ago. She got all those at a discount and when she moved to Chicago she decided she didn't want them anymore and gave them to me."

"That's cool," Gerard replied, continuing to look around. Against the amethyst walls white Christmas lights were hung, bathing the room in a warm glow. Taped to her wall above her bed were dozens of photos, that appeared to be mainly of friends, parties, concerts, and pink roses. "You have a lot of friends."

"I don't talk to most of them any more," she said, glancing up. "They all moved on with their lives and I stayed here."

"There's nothing wrong with that," Gerard replied. He had been one of those people, he had moved on with his life, until it got out of control and now he was here as well.

(YN) shrugged. “Sometimes I wonder if maybe I should try to move on too,” she said with a nod to the photos. “Stop living in the past or whatever. Anyway, what’s it like working at the comic book store?”

Gerard shrugged. “It’s pretty good. On slow days I can just read comics for my whole shift, and the people that come in are pretty cool to talk to.”

“Do you miss music?”

Gerard looked thoughtful for a moment. “Some days. But as long as I’m doing something I enjoy, I’m happy.”

(YN) glanced over at him and smiled. “That’s good.”

Later that night (YN) had gotten up to go to the bathroom when she noticed a sliver of light coming from Gerard's doorway. When she peeked in, she saw him at his desk, working intently.

“What are you working on?” Gerard heard (YN) ask from the doorway.

“Oh umm, just this comic idea I’ve been working on,” he replied. When he looked back at her, he spotted his clock, reading that it was nearly 4 AM. “It’s so late, did I wake you up?”

“No, I just got up to go to the bathroom and I saw your light on,” she said padding quietly into the room. “Can I see?”

“Sure,” he said, turning the paper toward her.

“That’s really really good. What’s it about?”

“They’re like an adopted family of superheroes. They all have different powers and their father is trying to train them to save the world,” he said looking up at her. To his surprise, she seemed to be genuinely interested.

“You’re really talented."

"It's not that great," he shrugged.

“Pfft, are you kidding? That girl is so pretty, and there aren’t even words yet and I can tell this guy is super mad at this other aloof guy.”

Gerard looked back up at her in awe. “I’ve been struggling all night because I didn’t think it conveyed that clearly enough.”

“Nah, it’s great, you’re doing great,” she replied. “Are you just doing it for fun, or are you gonna try to get it printed?”

“I’d love to get a comic printed, but I don’t know if I ever will.”

“Like I said, you’re really talented, I bet you could make it happen. I’ll even buy a copy and tell people that you were my roommate when you were working on it.”

Gerard laughed lightly. “I’ll dedicate it to you.”

“I can’t wait. G’night Gerard,” (YN) said before retreating back to her room.

It was a bitterly cold winter day when (YN) returned home from work to find another car in front of the house. When she came in, she heard another voice she thought she recognized.

“Hey (YN),” Gerard called as she walked into her room.

“Yea?” She called back, dropping her things.

“Mikey’s here.”

“Oh! Hey Mikey, how’s everything going?” (YN) asked, as she walked into Gerard’s room and found his brother sitting on the bed.

“Good,” he nodded.

She nodded as well. “I'll get out of your hair, sorry to interrupt,” (YN) waved as she ducked back into her room. Gerard had been talking about how well Mikey had been doing since finishing his program, but as far as she was aware, this was the first they had seen each other since he had completed it.

A while later she was in the kitchen getting dinner when Gerard walked Mikey to the door, exchanging a hug before he left. After the door was closed, Gerard let out a sigh.

“Mikey looked like he’s doing good,” (YN) said as Gerard trudged into the kitchen.

“Yea,” he replied, but the tone of his voice wasn’t happy. “But he doesn’t think he can stay clean here so he’s moving.”

“Really? Where?”

“California. We got some family out there that will keep him straightened out, and keep him away from the people who got him messed up in the first place, like me.”

"Did he say you specifically?"

"No, but-"

“Gerard,” (YN) interrupted sternly. “Just because you started the band doesn’t mean you’re to blame for what he chose to do.”

“I shoulda been looking out for him more. I was such a drunk shtihead I didn’t even know what was happening,” he said running his hands through his hair.

(YN) stepped forward grabbing his arms and pulling them down. “Gerard! I have spent months now listening to you talk about Mikey. You guys both learned some lessons the hard way, but he wouldn’t have kept calling you while he was in rehab and come to visit today if he blamed you. He could have cut you off, moved to California without a word, but he didn’t. That means something, right?”

Gerard looked like he was on the verge of tears but he nodded.

“You guys are both gonna be alright,” she said, letting go of his arms, and wrapping him in a hug.“Sorry, “ just felt like,” she said trailing off with a shake of her head when she pulled back.

“It’s fine, I needed that,” he smiled. “All of it, thank you.”

It didn’t seem like enough time had passed when in the late spring (YN) checked the mail and found a letter from their landlord with the paperwork to renew their lease. She sighed nervously as she made her way to Gerard’s room. Now it wasn't just that she didn’t want to have to find a new place to live, it was the fact that she liked living with Gerard. She liked hanging out with him and she had come to care for him as a real friend. She also recently realized that she had at some point developed more feelings for him, but she pushed those aside.

“Hey Gee?” She said knocking on his door.

“Yea?” She heard him call from the other side before she opened the door.

“We got the lease renewal paperwork today. Did you wanna extend the lease for a full year?”

“Yea, sure. I like it here,” Gerard replied with a smile.

(YN) let out a sigh of relief. “Good, I’m really glad to hear that. I’ll leave this with you, just bring it back when you get it signed at all the flagged spots.”

“Ok,” Gerard nodded as he flipped through the packet.

A while later (YN) looked up from the magazine she was reading when Gerard knocked on her door. “I got the lease thing signed,” he said, walking in and handing her the paperwork.

“Cool, I’ll drop this off tomorrow,” she nodded. “I’m really glad this has worked out.”

“Me too,” Gerard said. “Umm, I never mentioned it before, but I had been living in my car for a couple weeks when you offered me this place.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize it was that bad,” (YN) murmured.

“I was in a really low place, like I was almost at my breaking point ya know, but umm, when I say this turned everything around for me, I mean it. I was able to pick up more shifts at work and I could afford to go back to my therapist and get on my meds again. So thanks for saving my life,” he said with a nod before turning to leave.

“Gee wait,” she said getting up.

“Yea?”

“I… I don’t know what to say except I’m really glad that you’re here and you matter a lot to me, and,” she shrugged as her words failed her. She just wanted Gerard to know how important he was, not just as someone to share rent with, but as well as all the complicated feelings she kept bottled up inside.

Gerard stepped back across the room and wrapped his arms around her. They stood silently hugging for a while before he pulled back. “Hang on.” (YN) nodded as he hurried over to his room and then came back with a bottle of liquor. “Here, you can have it, or get rid of it, it doesn’t matter to me. I bought it months ago because… it doesn’t matter, but that night you invited me to hang out and that meant a lot. I started working on my comic again that night too.”

“I remember that,” she smiled, as she took the bottle from him. “You’re gonna do big things Gee. I’m glad I can cheer you on.”

“Are you sure you don’t wanna come along?” (YN) asked from the doorway of his room. She was heading out to a party with her friend, but to Gerard, she already seemed a little unsteady on her feet.

“No thanks, I gotta work in the morning,” he replied. Just then, a car horn went off outside the house.

“That’s Eli. I’ll try to be quiet coming in,” (YN) waved before hurrying out to her waiting friend.

Gerard got so wrapped up in the page of his comic he was working on he completely lost track of time until his phone went off. "Hello?" Gerard answered his phone.

"Heeey, is this Gerard? (YN)'s roommate?" He heard a female voice slur from the other end.

"Yea, why?" He asked, panic striking through him. He glanced at his clock, it wasn't that late, why was someone calling him about (YN).

"Can you come get (YN)? She's like super drunk and I'm gonna go back to this guy's place but I don't wanna leave her here alone."

"Wait, is this Eli?"

"Yea, can you hurry up before she barfs or something, I can't deal with that."

"Yea, yea, text me the address, I'm on my way," Gerard replied, already slipping on his sneakers.

A while later Gerard was pulling up in front of the house where the party was happening. As he got out of his car, he saw (YN) sitting on the front lawn with a girl he'd never met before, he presumed it was Eli.

"Hey (YN), are you ok?" He asked as he approached. He could tell (YN) had been crying, despite how dark it was.

"Yea," she sniffled and got up unsteadily.

"I'll call you tomorrow, ok sweetie?" Eli said, already heading toward a guy who had been waiting in the distance.

(YN) waved her off as Gerard helped her to the car. Other than the radio playing an old Radiohead song, there was nothing but silence in the car.

"I've never seen you this drunk," Gerard suddenly blurted out. "Are you ok?"

(YN) sniffled again. "I haven't really eaten in a few days and then Eli wanted to do shots when we got to the party and now I'm stupid and wasted," she whined.

Gerard pulled up to a red light and looked over at (YN). She had her head against the window and was staring blankly ahead. "Why haven't you been eating much? Do you need money for groceries? I can kick in more."

"Because I wanna be skinnier so you'll think I'm pretty like the girl you drew in your comic" she said so softly it was almost a whisper.

Gerard's heart broke at her words. "(YN), I do think you're beautiful. You don't have to change for me at all," he said looking back at her just before the light turned green. (YN) turned her head to look out the window so he couldn't see her reaction.

A few blocks later pulled up in front of a convenience store. "What's your favorite gatorade?" Gerard asked.

"Red," (YN) mumbled.

"Ok, wait here a sec," he said as he got out.

Gerard hurried inside, grabbing a big bottle of the drink, as well as a couple burritos.

"Here you go," Gerard said as he handed her the bag. "At least try to eat one to settle your stomach."

"Thanks," she replied, staring into the bag. She was too embarrassed to look up at Gerard at that moment. She felt like an idiot for getting so drunk that he had to take care of her. If she ever had a shot with Gerard, she was sure she had blown it now.

The rest of the drive was just as silent as it had started until they arrived back in the house. Gerard put his arm around (YN) and helped her inside. She was already feeling less dizzy as she sat down on the edge of her bed and pulled off her shoes. Gerard took the bottle of gatorade and set it on her bedside table, plugged her phone into the charger, and brought in the garbage can in case she had to be sick.

"You'll probably feel terrible tomorrow," he said with a slightly sad smile as she pulled the blankets over herself, not even bothering to change out of her clothes.

"I deserve it," she mumbled as she turned her face into her soft, cool pillow.

Before she could fully register what was happening, she felt Gerard kiss her head. "No you don't," he said before turning out the light and shutting the door behind him.

(YN)'s thoughts were spinning like the world had been earlier until she eventually passed out.

The next day (YN)’s phone was vibrating on her bedside table, but the sound felt like a jackhammer vibrating through her skull. Groaning, she opened her eyes to find the offending device.

Hey girl! Call me when u get up so i know ur alive the text from Eli read.

(YN) looked at her clock, it was almost 1 in the afternoon. She dragged herself out of bed, discarding the clothes she had worn the night before, and into the shower, the cold water jolting her awake. Climbing back into bed, she picked up her phone to call her friend.

“You survived,” Eli cheered when she answered the call.

“Oh my god, please shut up,” (YN) winced.

“Oh, you’re really feeling it huh?”

“Yea, I think I got run over at some point last night.”

“No, I didn’t let you run across any roads this time. Maybe Gerard did after he picked you up. How'd that go?”

“I don’t remember,” (YN) groaned. “I remember he bought me food and gatorade,” she said, picking up the bottle of the now room temperature drink.

Eli hummed. “Well he seems like a good guy, he came right to get you no questions asked when I called.”

“Yea,” (YN) agreed, pulling her knees up to her chest. “I just feel so dumb for getting so wasted.”

“It happens. And at least he’s seen you at your worst now. Has he said anything?”

“He’s at work I think.”

“Ah, well at least you got some more time to recover before you have to face him.”

“Why do you have to say it that way?” (YN) groaned as Eli laughed.

The friends talked for a while longer until (YN) heard the front door open.

“Shit, he’s back,” (YN) whispered, her embarrassment flooding back.

“Ok talk to you later, and don’t worry about it!” Eli said brightly before hanging up.

(YN) glanced up and saw Gerard hovering awkwardly by her door. “Hey, how you feeling?”

“Been better,” (YN) replied, tucking a piece of her half wet hair behind her ear awkwardly. “Umm, I don’t really remember a lot from last night, but thanks for coming to get me and everything.”

Gerard nodded. “It’s no problem.”

“I feel really stupid. I won’t be doing that again anytime soon, I promise,” (YN) laughed dryly.

Gerard laughed a little as well. He didn’t know if he should bring up anything that was said between them the night before since she had said she couldn’t remember much, but he couldn’t help but wonder what she did remember.

After a few days, (YN)’s embarrassment at her drunken night finally started to diminish and she and Gerard’s interactions went back to normal. A while later, (YN) was hanging out in Gerard’s room talking about a show they had been to the weekend before when her phone rang.

"Hello? Oh hi," (YN) answered. "What?! Is he ok?" She jumped up and left the room, but Gerard could still hear her end of the conversation, causing him to grow more concerned. "No I didn't see anything, there wasn't anyone… Ok... Yea… Ok let me know."

The color was drained from her face when she walked back into the room.

"What's wrong?" Gerard asked, his brows knitted together.

"Right after my shift ended the store got robbed. My coworker John is in the hospital and they took all the cash. The store is gonna be closed for a couple days I guess."

"Fuck," Gerard replied, totally stunned.

"I think I'm gonna go to bed," she said blankly before turning back toward her room and Gerard heard the door close behind her.

A while later Gerard got up to go to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee, but when he stepped into the hall, he stopped in his tracks. It sounded like crying coming from (YN)’s room.

"(YN), are you ok?" He asked as he knocked on her door, but she didn't answer. Cautiously he opened the door and found (YN) was sitting on her bed, knees pulled up to her chest, sobbing.

"Shit," Gerard whispered as he rushed over and pulled her against him, letting her cry on his shoulder.

"It coulda been me. I could be in the hospital or dead right now and no one would even notice or care! Just another loser with no direction in life dead. I've wasted everything, I've ruined my whole life!"

"You haven't," Gerard said, rubbing her back. "I'd care very much if anything happened to you. And you have plenty of time. I had a job at a tv network and gave it up to form the band, and now I'm trying to get into comics."

"But I'm not talented like you! I have no skills, I never went to college because I didn't know what I wanted to do and I still don't. I just don't want to be stuck here the rest of my life waiting to get held up at gunpoint," she sobbed. "I'm just too stupid to get out of my own way long enough to figure anything out."

“No you aren't stupid, sometimes it just takes more time to get it figured out."

Eventually (YN)’s sobs started to quiet and she pulled back. “Thanks Gee. You really didn’t need to do this.”

“Yea I did. I couldn’t just let you be alone when you feel like this.”

(YN) sighed. “Every time I close my eyes I just picture it happening to me. I’m so tired, but I don’t think I’m gonna be able to sleep tonight.”

“Hang on,” Gerard said, getting up. (YN) saw the light from his room shut off, and he came back. “Ok, come here, I’ll keep you safe,” he said as he settled in next to her.

(YN) felt like her heart was going to burst through her chest as she slid down next to him. She laid her head on his chest as he wrapped his arms around her, holding her close.

Something shifted in Gerard and (YN)’s relationship that night, although nothing was spoken of it. They started trading off whose bed they slept in, crawling into bed together just to be close to the other. When they watched a movie together, she rested her head against his shoulder. When (YN) was in the kitchen making coffee, Gerard would come in and wrap his arms around her and hold her close while she worked. The day after (YN) had a really bad shift at work, she came home and found a pink rose that looked like it had been trimmed from someone’s garden sitting on her bed.

It was a warm early fall evening when Gerard and (YN) showed up at a party held by a friend of a friend. (YN) had gone off to talk to Eli, and Gerard found himself watching her from across the yard. He wished he was by her side, his arm wrapped around her waist, holding her close, that’s where he felt happiest.

"Why are you looking at your roommate like that?" Frank asked, appearing at Gerard's side.

“Jesus,” Gerard muttered under his breath, startled. “What are you talking about?”

“Like you wanna get out here and get on top-”

“Stop, no, it’s not like that,” Gerard shook his head.

“Oh, so you don’t care if I go ask her out then?”

“What? You can’t!” Gerard blurted out. “I mean, what about Jamia?”

Frank grinned and pointed a finger in Gerard's face. “Exactly! So what are you gonna do about it?”

“Everything is fine, we’re fine,” Gerard grumbled.

As the sun began to set more people showed up, filling up the backyard. Without warning there was a shout as two guys started pushing each other, and then punches began to fly.

(YN) found herself too near the fight and tried to get away from the fray, but more people were rushing to watch or take part in it and she couldn’t get past. Suddenly she felt someone grab her hand, interlacing their fingers with hers. She was about to pull away when she looked up and realized it was Gerard.

“Come on,” he said, pulling her out of the crowd.

“Thanks for not leaving me behind,” (YN) said once they were a safe distance from the fracus.

“I couldn’t ever leave you behind,” Gerard smiled back at her.

At that moment she became conscious of how their hands were still intertwined and how closely they were standing. (YN) didn’t want to move and lose the moment, but police sirens started cutting through the shouts of the brawl. “Oh shit," (YN) started laughing. “Let’s get out of here!”

“Here we go again,” Gerard smirked as they took off running, hand in hand, through the backyards until they couldn’t hear any of the commotion any longer. When they finally came out on a side street, they were both out of breath, but laughing. The smell of rain hung in the air.

“I have no idea where we are now,” (YN) laughed.

“Me neither, but,” Gerard trailed off with a shrug as they started walking aimlessly down the street.

(YN) glanced down, not totally understanding why Gerard was still holding her hand, but she still wasn’t planning on letting go. Then she noticed Gerard glancing down as well.

“(YN),” he started.

“Sorry,” she said, starting to pull her hand away, but Gerard held tighter.

“No, it’s not that,” he said, stopping under the street light. A soft rain began to fall around them. "It's that I don't wanna change things between us, but I really want to," he hesitated then took a step closer to (YN). He raised his free hand and gently caressed her cheek before leaning in and pressing his lips against hers.

(YN)'s mind was spinning. She couldn't believe that this was really happening, that Gerard, her roommate, her friend, was now kissing her in the middle of a desolate street. She kissed him back, not knowing if this would happen again, and she wanted to make the most of this chance.

Gerard's hand moved from her cheek to run through her hair, now soaked from the steady rain. He dropped her hand that he was still holding, but only so he could wrap his arm around her and pull her closer against him as he deepened the kiss and she draped her arms over his shoulders.

When they finally pulled apart, the rain had them both soaked and they were laughing together again. “We should try to find our way home,” Gerard said glancing around.

“Let’s go this way,” (YN) suggested with a nod down the street.

Gerard nodded with a smile and wrapped his arm around her shoulder as they headed back to find the car.

The next morning (YN) woke up in her bed with Gerard holding her tight. She had hoped to spend all morning being lazy with him, but what had woken her up was her phone ringing on her bedside table.

“Hello?” She whispered.

“Hey (YN), I know you don’t work until this afternoon, but we got a call out, can you come in this morning and work a double?” (YN)’s manager asked.

(YN) let her face fall against her pillow and groaned softly. “Yea I guess so.”

“Great, see you as soon as you can get here.”

When (YN) glanced over at Gerard, he was just waking up. “What’s wrong?”

“I wanted to spend the morning with you here, but I got called in for a double shift,” (YN) pouted.

“Damn,” Gerard frowned. “But I’ll be here when you get back.”

“I know,” she sighed before leaning in and kissing him softly. She climbed out of bed and got ready for work. The day seemed to drag by because all she wanted was to go home to Gerard.

“I’m so glad that day is done!” (YN) announced when she burst through the door. She waited for Gerard to reply but didn’t hear anything. “Gee? Are you here?”

“Yea,” he replied forlornly, coming out of his room.

“What’s wrong?” She asked.

“I’m gonna go out to visit Mikey,” Gerard said.

“Oh cool!” (YN) smiled up at him and he felt like his heart was breaking.

“And when I’m out on the west coast, I’ve got a meeting with Dark Horse Comics about my project.”

“That’s awesome!” (YN) grinned. But when she didn’t see the same level of excitement in Gerard’s face, her own excitement faltered. “Isn’t it?”

“Yea, I guess. I’m just nervous about it. There are a few things they wanna discuss about developing it and stuff. But I might have to move out to the west coast if this all works out.”

“Oh,” (YN) said, surprised. She tried to keep her disappointment hidden. “That’s an incredible opportunity though.”

“I know, but we’ve only just-”

“Gerard, don't you think for even one second about not going because of me,” (YN) interrupted him. “I have wasted my entire life being so afraid that I’ll make the wrong choice, that I let every decent opportunity pass me by. I care about you too much to let you do the same.”

Gerard didn’t know how to respond, other than to take a step forward and wrap (YN) into a tight hug. "Thanks," he mumbled against her neck.

They stood like that for a while, neither willing to let go. “Come on, let’s order something for dinner to celebrate,” she suggested once they pulled back.

The following week, Mikey picked Gerard up from the airport. They put together a list of places Mikey loved to check out the next day.

After stopping at the coffee shop down the street, the comic book store that always had what Mikey was looking for, and the record shop with the friendly owner they went to the beach to kill time before dinner.

"You ok? Are you nervous about the meetings or something?" Mikey asked. He had noticed Gerard seemed distracted all day, but Gerard just shook his head. "Then what's wrong?" Mikey asked.

"I couldn't sleep last night," Gerard said with a glance at his brother.

"Is the bed uncomfortable?"

“No, it's not that," he paused. "It's that I can’t sleep without her,” Gerard said, looking down at his hands.

"(YN)?"

"Yea."

“How long have you been together?” Mikey asked.

“We haven’t officially, but it’s, I mean...” Gerard stammered, searching for the words to define something that had only just begun and had no definition.

“But you love her?” Mikey filled in the gaps, knowing Gerard better than Gerard knew himself.

Gerard listened to the waves crashing on the shore. He didn't even realize when he had fallen in love with (YN), because it wasn't like a lightning bolt from the sky. It grew out of lazy days talking for hours, nights sleeping in the other's bed just because they wanted to be that close to each other, the way her hair fell in her face, her laugh, her lips, her selflessness, the way she was always pushing him to do more and be better. And now there he was, missing her like crazy, ready to throw away his dream if she asked him to. But she hadn't, and she wouldn’t. She encouraged him to go across the country and chase it down, even if it meant leaving her behind.

“Yea,” he said with a soft smile and Mikey nodded.

Silence hung between the brothers for a while as the sun began to set. “It’s almost time to meet up with Kristin for dinner,” Mikey announced as he got up.

Gerard nodded and followed him back to the car. As they drove away from the beach, Gerard thought about how much he wanted to bring (YN) here. He knew she’d love it. It felt like there were so many possibilities, fresh starts for everyone. He just needed to get them out of New Jersey.

(YN) paced outside the arrivals gate, checking the screen with the times over and over. Gerard’s flight was on time, he should be arriving shortly. She had spent most of the day excited that he was coming back today, but now that she was at the airport waiting for him, she felt incredibly nervous.

Gerard hadn’t called since he let her know he had arrived safely. She had insisted that he spend his time with Mikey and getting ready for the meetings and not to worry about her, but that didn’t stop her from thinking about him all the time. The first night she tried to sleep in her own bed, but ended up crawling into his because his pillows smelled like him and it made her heart ache a little less. And it’s where she had spent the rest of the week.

That morning as she sat in his bed, knees pulled up to her chest as she sipped her coffee in the cool morning air, she looked around his space. They’d been living together almost a year now, and the room had become so uniquely his. The comics that were stacked up next to his bed, the drawings that littered his desk, the records in the crate he painted himself. All things that went into what added up to Gerard. She smiled softly as a realization dawned on her as she shivered.

“I love him,” (YN) admitted to herself softly. “I really, truly, love him.”

Now at the airport she glanced up at the screen and saw his flight had arrived. Her heart started hammering in her chest as she started to look around, not knowing how soon he’d appear. What felt like an eternity later, she finally spotted a mop of black hair.

“Gee!” She called as she rushed over to him. Gerard dropped his bag so he could wrap his arms around her in a big hug. He pulled her in for a kiss in the middle of the crowd of travelers.

“I missed you,” he murmured when they pulled back.

“Me too,” she smiled.

"Let's get out of here," he smiled as he took her hand and they went to find her car.

"So how was the trip? How was Mikey? And the meetings, tell me everything!" (YN) gushed as they finally arrived at her car.

"Mikey's doing really good. He has this girlfriend, Kristin, she's super sweet, you'll really like her," he said as he threw his bag in the trunk.

"Oh yea, maybe I’ll meet her one day," (YN) smiled.

“(YN), I wanted to wait until we were someplace nicer than the airport parking ramp, but I can't wait any longer. I got the job at Dark Horse so I’m gonna have to move out west,” he paused, reaching out and taking her hands. “But I can’t leave without you because I love you so much (YN). It’d be a new start for both of us, together. Please?”

It took (YN) a moment to fully process what Gerard said. "Yes!" She finally replied in awe.

Gerard grabbed her face between his hands and pulled her lips to his as tears spilled from behind her closed eyes. He held her close as he kissed her with everything he had. When they pulled back, he rested his forehead against hers.

“I love you too Gerard,” she murmured. “And thank you for not leaving me behind.”

“I couldn’t ever leave you behind.”

#gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction

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theimaginationconnoisseur · 4 years

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Appreciation of Physical Media and its purpose in our lives.

So , lately I have been on something of a physical media buying kick and as far back as I can remember I have bought physical media. From vinyl albums, cassette tapes , cds, books, VHS , dvds and blu rays . Now that is a pretty wide spectrum of physical media. Lately it just happens to be blu rays and 4k blu rays.

I am someone who appreciates the special features of a blu ray, whether it be a commentary track or behind the scenes goodness. These are the things that enhance my movie watching experience. I am also a fan of box sets, if a film collection has a box set that is even better. Cause not only are you getting the full series of films but sometimes if you are lucky those box sets come with a trinket or something cool. Which in someway will make that set limited or even just fun to have in general .

As an imagination connoisseur I love physical media on so many levels. Should you lose the internet you will always have a physical copy of that film on hand if you want to watch it. Sure, I love streaming movies and shows on line but there is nothing like unwrapping a blu ray or box set for the first time and lookin it all over. Just taking in that you finally have that holy grail of film that you have been looking for. There is only a 1st time to enjoy that moment of looking at something for the 1st time. Once that 1st time is gone....it is gone.

Physical media means a lot to a lot of people. It means building that collection of films that you have always wanted. That collection of films that make you want to on a rainy day or even snowy day do a full blown movie marathon day. Sit down and just veg out on some of Hollywood’s or the world’s finest works of art , that being film. From a western to a gangster film to action or comedy . Maybe even a drama or superhero film., one thing is for certain ...you have the means and way to make it all work out. From a recent release to a classic from the golden age of film you. yes YOU have the power to make it happen.

That is what being an imagination connoisseur is all about. Letting that film or film on physical media take you to a place of total immersion into that world of the film and everything you know in our world ceases to be for that moment in time .

We tend to look for ways to collect things and physical media just happens to be one. Nowadays a lot of the major studios are just looking for ways to stop selling physical media because they see it as “losing streaming customers” and that is the way some studios feel they can make money now, thru streaming apps such as Netflix . Prime Video , Disney + , CBS All Access ( Soon to be Paramount + ) and so forth. There are so many streaming services with so much to watch it is amazing that we have the time we do to watch anything. I grew up in an age where television or even watching films was appointment viewing . If you missed something then you would have to way til it repeated. Now you can watch what you want , when you want at your own leisure . We only had 2 major channels , public broadcast television and some UHF channels. For a lot of people like myself physical media is a way of life and a way to share with other imagination connoisseurs about your range of genres and films that maybe your favorite .

With the way the world is these days we really do need some sort of release. Since we can not set foot in to a movie theater at this time physical media is where it’s at. So we hold on to that which we all hold near and dear to our hearts. So the next time you put on a blu ray or dvd just remember , not only are you supporting the work of a director or actor you may like , but also that of everyone who is behind the scenes on that film as well. If life is about little moments then certain scenes in films are what help fuel that need to create those moments. They make you laugh, cry, think. angry . The world of emotions is your oyster. So go out or go online to your favorite store and find some physical media that you may enjoy or you think you might enjoy if you have never seen it. Trying something new never hearts.

And so my fellow readers , as I draw this blog to a close tell me , what are some of your favorite films that you own on physical media and what memories if any do they give you or bring up. Be part of this conversation and maybe make a few friends along the way. share pics of your collection if you have any as well.

Tom Jr Jackson

#physical media #blu rays #films #streaming #rainy day #Hollywood #classic #comedy #drama #action #superhero #film #movie #movies #imaginationconnoisseur #power #you #collect #collection

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katiebug445 · 6 years

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Not Quite Like Heaven

Fictober day 6! Pairing: Jean/Armin (kinda? i guess? idk?) Fandom: Attack on Titan Word Count: 2,889 Rating: G? Prompt: “Wait, you can see me?”

$300 a month. In the bad part of town. In a building older than his parents. There had to be some kind of a catch, right? Jean parked his car on the street just outside the rickety old building, thinking to himself that one good wind could have knocked the whole thing over like a Jenga tower, and let out a low whistle. It wasn’t by any stretch of the imagination perfect, but it was a roof, four walls, and it was cheap enough that he could afford it, and that, for a college student on minimum wage, was as close to perfect as he was gonna get right now.

He pulled the key out of the ignition and took one more look at the place before reaching across the passenger seat and grabbing one of his duffle bags. Then he opened the door and stepped out into the late summer heat, a bead or two of sweat rolling down the back of his neck. Jean quickly wiped it away, hitched his bag up higher on his shoulder, and stepped inside.

His apartment was on the very top floor, which meant in the event of the building going down like a Jenga tower, he would most likely be squished in the fall, but he couldn’t say he would be too upset about that. At least he wouldn’t have his student loans to worry about anymore.

He crossed the threshold into his room and noted that it was at least five degrees cooler in here than in the entire rest of the building. He couldn’t help but wonder if his AC was on the fritz, or if there was a draft, or a combination of both things. Or, he supposed, it could be haunted. That’d be a perfect catch. He snorted, setting his back down in what would become his room.

Five more trips later and he had his car completely unloaded, and had piles of junk scattered all around his new home. Jean’s eyes scanned over all of his belongings, trying to picture what everything would look like when it was all together, but he was having trouble seeing passed the boxes and garbage bags full of his clothes.

His mother would be bringing over the bigger stuff tomorrow morning with Marco, and he was already grateful for the help. He doubted if he could haul his matress up five flights of stairs by himself without dying in the process. Thankfully, his best friend had loaned him an air mattress for the night, and Jean unloaded it from one of the boxes, plugged it in, and began blowing it up right there in the corner of the small living room.

While it inflated, he started hunting around for his blankets and the pillow he’d brought with him, muttering to himself the entire time for not taking the extra minute and actually labeling things before shoving it all inside the boxes.

Finally, he found a thin, ratty looking sheet, and decided that would have to be enough for right now, and he figured that his arm would work as good as any pillow. With a yawn, he got up, locked the door, got ready for bed, and settled in. He pulled up one of his playlists on his phone, set it beside his head, and closed his eyes, letting the music wash over him and help him drift off to sleep.

“Hello?”

“Can you hear me?”

“Hello?”

Jean snapped up at 2 AM, eyes darting around and looking into every inch of the shadows that he could see. He knew he heard something just then, and it was not part of the songs. He knew that for damn sure. He laid there for another moment, still trying to see if he could see anything, and when the idea of trying to sleep finally completely escaped him, he pulled the sheet back off of himself, and got up to flip on one of the lights. With the shadows gone, he did a sweep all the way through his house, not finding anything out of the ordinary, and shakily went back to his bed.

Half of the air had gone out of his mattress, and with a groan and knowing that he’d be on the floor in the morning if he let it go, Jean plugged the cord back in and started filling it all the way back up again. Goosebumps rose on his arms while he waited, and his skin was cold to the touch, so, while his bed filled back up, he started hunting through more of the boxes in search of his thicker blankets.

He thought he could hear cardboard scraping off to his left, but when he looked over, everything was still in place. He went back to rummaging, and heard it again. God, he hoped he hadn’t accidentally packed up his cat when he was in a hurry…

Jean ripped the tape off of the box, and, much to his relief, there wasn’t the little orange cat inside, but there was the blankets he’d been looking for. Saying a quick thank you to whoever could be listening, he pulled them out and dragged them back to his bed, pressing the heel of his hand down onto it and making sure it was firm enough for him to sleep on, before unplugging it from the wall again and settling in.

The thought entered his head again that he definitely heard something in his house, but he tried to will himself not to think about it for fear of freaking himself out to the point that he couldn’t sleep. He convinced himself, for the time being, that it was an ad on his phone, and that was all. Feeling a little better, he closed his eyes, and after about twenty minutes of uneasily laying there, he finally drifted back off to sleep.

When he woke up the next morning, all of the boxes, that he knew he closed back up, were wide open. His trashbags full of clothes were ripped, and several of his shirts were spilling out onto the floor. Puzzled, Jean picked all of his scattered things up and shoved them off to the side, knowing they’d only be in the way when his mom and Marco showed up later. He tried to convince himself that it was mice that did it. Mice, or very, very determined moths that wanted his sweaters.

It couldn’t have been anything else, could it?

The voice and the scratching from the night before crossed his mind again, and he could feel the hairs on his arms standing straight up at the thought that there was something other in his new home, but he shook his head, trying to clear those thoughts away before they took hold and freaked him out completely. He needed this apartment. He couldn’t freak himself out of living here already.

Moving had actually gone okay, considering it was just the three of them. Marco had taken a bad fall down the stairs towards the end, and both Kirsteins insisted that he take it easy and watch them move the rest and keep an ice pack on his head to manage the swelling. He protested, but when Jean threatened to kick him out completely, Marco finally ended up sitting on one of the chairs they’d just brought up, and settled in.

They had a quick dinner, and then the two left, leaving Jean there in his apartment alone again. He gathered up his sheets and his blankets from the floor and took them into his new room to put on his mattress. When everything was on his bed, he brought in a couple of the bags of clothes and started to put things away in his dresser and closet. Then he brought in his desk lamp, and a couple other small things and got everything set up how he wanted it for the time being, and then got started on the rest of the house. It was late, and he knew he needed to be getting to bed soon, but he was excited to get things set up, and he wanted to keep working until his body finally demanded rest.

Given the hour, he decided to wait and move the heavy furniture around in the morning, but he got his bookshelf set up, his movies put away, and even managed to put together the stand that would hold his vast music collection. Tomorrow, he’d dig out his radio and set it up on one of the stands near his window, so he could listen to music while he worked. That done, he pulled out his phone and went into his room, stripping down to his boxers, and climbed into bed.

Nothing happened that night that he could tell. Everything was still in the places he remembered shoving them the night before, and he hadn’t heard the voice again. Maybe it really was something like mice and a radio ad. Maybe he wasn’t dealing with something weird after all.

Maybe he’d just gotten lucky with this place.

Jean set his phone down on his kitchen counter for just a minute while he went to look for his small collection of plates, and when his back was turned, he heard a small thud. His heart sank when he didn’t hear his music coming from his phone anymore, and when he got back out into the kitchen, he was relieved to see that the back had just popped off the phone, and the battery had fallen out. Aside from that, the phone was in perfect condition. He popped it all back in, turned it back on, and everything went back to normal. He put his kitchen things away and sang gently under his breath as he did so. Though, in the back of his mind, he had to wonder exactly how his phone had fallen off. If he remembered right, he’d stuck it near the back up against the wall to avoid that very thing from happening.

His eyes went to his phone, but he shook it off after a moment. Maybe he’d just imagined sticking it back that far.

The next day, Jean left to pick up a few groceries, and upon returning, found that his stand he had his CDs in was knocked face down onto the floor, and several of the cases had been cracked. With an annoyed sigh, he picked it back up, and made a mental note to get some tape the next day so he could fix what was broken. When putting the stand back upright, a chill ran down his spine that he couldn’t explain, and didn’t go away for the rest of the afternoon.

Over the coming weeks, Jean kept track of all the weird things that happened in his apartment. He came home from classes one afternoon to find his bed completely unmade, the blankets and sheets bunched up into a ball in the middle of the mattress; a book had been removed from his shelf, and he found it two days later under his couch; food had gone missing a handful of times; lights would turn on and off on their own; more often than not, Jean would randomly walk into a cold spot in his apartment, that almost seemed to follow him for hours afterwards; and probably the most troubling of all, he was still hearing a voice.

The first couple times it happened, he’d been able to convince himself that it was an ad, or one of his neighbors above or below him, but the third time it happened, he was laying in his bed, trying to sleep, when he heard a soft call of his name, directly in his ear, which was followed by another draft that chilled him right to the bone.

Jean sat straight up in bed, completely freaked out, and ended up having to call Marco and talk to him for over an hour just to calm himself back down enough that he could attempt to sleep again.

By the end of his first month there, he had completely convinced himself that he was living in a haunted house. Once he got his wifi hooked up, he began looking up things about hauntings, and what to do if you thought your house was, in fact, haunted, and everything he was experiencing matched up almost perfectly. A couple times, he attempted to set traps for his suspected houseguest, but nothing ever came of it. Everything always remained exactly how he left it before.

Jean was exhausted, frustrated, and almost ready to start apartment hunting again. He hadn’t been sleeping well between the stress of his new job, college, and whatever the hell was happening in his house, and he knew that would only be a matter of time before his health started suffering as a result. That, and, no matter how many layers of clothes he wore, how many blankets he slept with, or how much he could stand to crank the heat up to, he was always, always cold. From the time he opened the door at night, to the time he left in the morning, a chill clung to him and wouldn’t let go for anything. He tried to tell Marco about what was going on, but the other man had just wrote it off as a draft, and told him that he should complain about it if it kept happening.

It happened near the end of October. Jean had woken up nearly two hours early on account of being so fucking cold in his room, and decided to try his hand at making oatmeal in hopes of it warming him up some. He was standing by the microwave, arms folded across his chest and hands running up and down them in hopes of getting a little blood flowing, when he saw it.

A face was peering in at him through the open wall that looked directly into the living room. Jean stopped dead, all of his remaining blood seeming to drain out of his body. There was someone in his house. Someone was staring directly at him. Jean swallowed, unable to look away from the intruder, and nearly jumped out of his skin when the microwave beeped suddenly. “What the hell do you want?” he asked, trying to keep the quiver from showing too much in his voice.

“Wait, you can see me?” the figure asked, excitement in its own voice. “You can actually see me?”

“Yes?”

A smile lit up the face, and Jean’s eyes followed it as it walked around through the doorway, and stood in front of him. It was a boy, no taller than 5’4”, with a mop of blond hair and blue eyes so big and bright that they would have put the afternoon sky to shame. “Can you still see me?”

“See you, hear you, I can do it all, buddy. Now who are you, and why are you in my house?”

“I’m… Armin. And this is my house. I can’t… I can’t believe you can actually see me! You’re the first.”

“No, this is my house. My name’s on the lease and everything. And what - what the hell are you talking about, I’m the first what?”

The smile dropped away from the boy’s face, and he let out a heavy breath. “This used to be my house. A long time ago. I, uh, died? About twenty years ago. And you’re the first person in twenty years who’s been able to see me. You have no idea how lonely it gets. Thank you.”

Jean blinked, his brain taking a minute to catch up with everything, and he felt the hair on the back of his neck begin to stand up. A ghost. There was an honest to god ghost standing right in front of him. His house was haunted, and he had a ghost in front of him. Oh, god, he knew there was a catch. There was always a catch. “Well… nice to meet you, I think?” He said, his voice smaller than intended.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Jean, is it?”

“Yeah.” He squeaked.

“Well,” the ghost named Armin started, holding out his hand, “I’m sure this isn’t how you intended to get a roommate, but…”

Jean stared at the offered hand for a moment before finally reaching out, and, much to his surprise, finding a solid - but very, very cold - hand gripping him back. With a shock, he pulled his own back, and stared between his and Armin’s, not knowing what to make of any of this. “I… this is gonna take some getting used to.”

“Ditto.” Armin agreed, giving him a bit of an awkward smile.

Jean thought about it for a moment while he finally pulled his breakfast out of the microwave and began to eat. “I guess… having a ghost of a roommate might not be a bad thing. You gotta help with rent, though.” he attempted to joke.

Thankfully, Armin took it the right way, and shot him another smile. “How about I just keep you company and promise not to make you think you’re going crazy anymore?”

Jean pretended to mull it over, pursing his lips for a second, and smiled. “I think I can live with that."

#jearmin #jean/armin #fictober #katie's writing #i don't even know what happened here i have no excuse

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d-noona · 6 years

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BARTERED BRIDE

SUMMARY: Kim Namjoon is a ruthless financer used to buying and selling stocks, shares and priceless artifacts. But now Namjoon has his eye on a very different acquisition �� Y/N L/N. Left distute by her father’s recent death, Y/N walks into Namjoon’s bank looking to extend her overdraft. As Y/N needs money and Namjoon needs a wife, he proposes the perfect deal: he’ll rescue her financially if she agrees to marry him. But in this marriage of convenience can Y/N ever be anything more than just a bartered bride?

WORDS: 1898

Kim Namjoon x Reader

M.List | Ch. 03 - Coming Soon!

CHAPTER 02 - A Little Push

She was on her way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee when someone pressed the front-door buzzer. Answering it, Y/N found a bike messenger outside.

“Miss L/N?”

“Yes” she answered. “Big Hit X-Press, Package for you. Would you please sign for it?” Y/N wrote her name on the form and took the padded bag. There was nothing to indicate where it came from, only a plain white label with her name and address printed on it. Perhaps it was something she had ordered and forgotten about.

She closed the door and, walking back to the living room pulled the tab that opened the bah and peered at the contents, immediately recognizing the file Kim Namjoon had said was a resume of his life. Now there was a sheet of headed paper clipped to the cover. Aiming at the sofa, Y/N flung the package from her. As soon as she had her coffee, she’d find some sticky tape and a label, send the file back, unstamped, with UNSOLICITED UNWATED BUMPH written above the address.

She went to the kitchen, half-filled the electric kettle and perched on a stool at the breakfast bar. Usually she drank herb tea, being on a more or less permanent health kick. But sometimes, on days like this, she allowed herself a shot of caffeine. Postponing dealing with the package, she spent the next hour going through her father’s wardrobe, making sure nothing in the pockets of his suits before she folded them. Rather than giving them to a charity shop, she hoped to sell them. The chaos he had left behind him made it essential to raise money in every way.

With the hanging cupboards empty, the next job was the drawer, but after another cup of coffee or maybe a glass of white wine. She opened a bottle of Muscadet and filled a glass. Instead of taking it back upstairs she couldn’t resist her curiosity about the letter that man Kim Namjoon sent with the file. Later she debated going to a movie to make her mind off her problems for a couple of hours. But there she was still a lot to be done and she had already wasted half an hour reading the contents of the file.

She decided to phone for pizza and concentrate on the job in hand. During the evening she would call her mother, her mother didn’t know about the interview she had with Namjoon. Y/N felt it best not to mention it. She’d been trying to play down the financial side of her situation. Her supper arrived sooner than she expected. But when she opened the door, it wasn’t the pizza delivery man who stood outside. It was Kim Namjoon.

Y/N’s friendly expression froze into a mask of dislike. “What do you want?” she said curtly. “I thought you might have calmed down a little by now.” Says Namjoon. “I haven’t. I’m busy” she started to shut the door but he put a foot across the threshold and the flat of his hand on the door to hold it open. She had never expected to herself saying ‘How dare you” to anyone but it was what sprung from her lips, followed by a “Get out!”

“I’m not inside yet,” he said blandly. “We have things to talk about. May I come in?”

“We have nothing to say to each other. You have no right to pester me like this. If you don’t go away, I’ll call the security man and have you thrown off the premises” the further time passing Y/N’s annoyance started increasing. “On what grounds?” he dared say. “Making a nuisance of yourself!”

Kim Namjoon smiled, showing his dimples. However his smile wasn’t a kind or amused smile. It was the sort of expression she associated with sadists about to do something which would give them pleasure but cause excruciating pain to their victim. “I think you’re bluffing.”

He stepped into the hallway. To her chagrin, Y/N let him, she had not much of an option. He was far too large and muscular for her to use physical means to deny him access, she had muscles of her own, but not in the same class as his. He had looked a strong man in his office, but that might have been partly good tailoring. Now that he had changed out of his city suit into chinos and a dark blue cashmere sweater over a cotton shirt, it was clear that the breadth of his shoulders over nothing to clever padding.

“This is outrageous,” she snapped, while instinctively backing away to avoid coming into contact with that tall and powerful male body as he closed the door. “Don’t pretend to be in a panic. You know perfectly well I’m not going to harm you.”

“How do I know that? You’ve already shown signs of derangement.” She says nonchalantly “Not really. I’ll admit to being unconventional. You’ll get used to it.” He glanced around the hall and then with a gesture at the open door of the living room, said “After you.” Having no choice but to act on her threat or let him speak his piece, Y/N walked ahead of him. If he expected to be invited to sit down, he could think again. Grinding her teeth, she saw that she had left the file on the low glass-topped table in front of the sofa. Even worse, it was open, proving she had looked through it. But the first thing that caught his eye wasn’t the file but the half-full glass wine, her second, she had left by the telephone.

“A bad habit, drinking alone,” he remarked, with sardonic glance at her hostile face. “I don’t as a rule. It’s been a tiring day. I’m not used to dealing with people who think they can trample roughshod over the rest of the world.” She folded her arms and glared at him. “You have to be the most objectionable person I have ever met.”

“Because I want to marry you? Even if they don’t wish to say yes, most women regard a proposal as a compliment” he says. Y/n quirked her brows up “Not when it comes from a stranger who regards women as chattels.”

“There are cultures where it’s the custom for girls not to even see the face of their husband’s face until after marriage ceremony. Marriage is a practical institution. It’s because our culture ignores that we have so many divorces. Wouldn’t you rather stay married?” Y/N scoffs at this. “I am not interested in marriage, certainly not you.”

At this point the buzzer sounded again. She saw him looking displeased by the interruption as she went to answer the door. This time it was the takeout delivery man. She took the box to the kitchen before paying him the money she had ready in her pocket. Rejoining Namjoon, she said pointedly, “My supper’s arrived, I’d like to eat it while it’s still hot.”

Ignoring the hint, he said, “You ought to keep your door chained until you see who your caller is.”

“Normally I do. It’s only because I thought you were the man with the pizza that you were able to barge in” y/n replied. “That was lucky…for me.” He began to look round the room, taking in the color scheme, the books and paintings, and the mirrors. Y/N loved mirrors, especially antique ones. As a child, her favorite book had been a copy, inherited from her grandmother, of through the looking glass. Somehow the wrong way around view seen through a mirror always looked than what was really happening around her. She had often wished she could step through the frame of a mirror into a world where things we the same but different. Her parents’ marriage a happy one and herself a model pupil like her elder sister. “Nice room. Who designed it?” asked Namjoon.

No one had ever remarked on the way the room looked. She couldn’t help feeling a slight sense of gratification that someone had finally noticed the effect she had spent a lot of time and thought achieving. “Nobody well known,” she said. “Please, I want to get on with my supper and I have everything packed by tomorrow afternoon. I really don’t have time to talk. Even if we had anything sensible to talk about.”

“A pizza’s a poor sort of supper, especially if you’re eating alone. Let me buy you a decent dinner and try to convince you that my plan makes a lot of sense, then, if you like, I’ll give you a hand packing.” While Namjoon continues to survey the room without looking at her. “ABSOLUTELY NOT. No way!” Y/N said emphatically, but not with much hope he would accept her refusal. He didn’t, “No to dinner, or no to help with the packing?”

“No to both and no to everything. Have another look through some magazines and pick some other woman. I am not for sale, Mr. Kim” she says indignantly. “Do you like music?” he asked. Disconcerted by the seemingly irrelevant question, she said “Some music, yes.”

“Have you heard of Min Suga?” he continues. “Never heard of him.” It was an exaggeration. She had heard the name but that was the limit of her knowledge. “He was a Korean composer who lived in the last century. His most important work was done in Prague, helping to form a national opera. He had a nasty end. Went deaf and died insane.”

“If I wanted to know about the lives of obscure composers I’d borrow a book from the library.” Y/N is starting to get pissed. “Is reading one of your pleasures?” replied by the man. “Yes, as it happens, it is. But –“

“That’s good. It’s one of mine and I have a large private library.” Feeling her temper starting to simmer, Y/N said patiently, “I shouldn’t think it includes the kind of book I enjoy and if Min Suga is one of your favorite composers your cd collection would send me to sleep. I had enough of that stuff in musical appreciation sessions at school. I only like pop music.”

It wasn’t true. She had thought that if she was to share her love for classical music this might put the man to further push his determination on marrying her. Not visibly deterred, he said “The reason I mentioned Min Suga is because his most famous opera was called THE BARTERED BRIDE. BARTER, The exchange of goods, was how people traded before money was invented, I am not trying to buy you Y/N. I am however proposing a trade-off. Things I need, for the things you need. Are you sure you won’t change your mind and come out to dinner?”

“Definitely not….”

“In that case I’ll leave you to your pizza and take myself off for some Arbroath smokies at Scotts, or maybe their Loch Fyne smoked salmon.” As he mentioned that two specialties of one of Korea’s best restaurants, the hard eyes warmed with malicious amusement. Could his private detective have found out that she adored fish and seafood. On his way to the door, Namjoon added, “I’ll call you in the morning. After you’ve slept on the idea, you may find it more appealing.”

“Thanks for the warning. I’ll take the phone off the hook.” She snapped and let himself out.

#KIM NAMJOON X READER #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok.#Park Jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #nts #bangtan sonyeandan #smut #romance #fan fiction

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girlscanhaveroboticvillainarcs · 7 years

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So in the last few days I passed 100 followers and I can’t thank you guys enough! Apparently it was my rant about robotics that threw me over the edge–we’re all struggling, huh?

I’ve been trying to think of ways to celebrate and thank you guys, and was going to try and make Valentines, but I’m really busy right now so I decided to do a sleepover. Come talk to me, tell me about your day, tell me about your crush, tell me about anything! It’ll be fun!

It doesn’t really have an end, I’ll just slowly stop answering as quickly if ya’ll actually send in a flood. Feel free to ask me things, too!

To start us off, I’m tagging you all in one of those question things, except you only have to answer one and just send it to my inbox. If you wanna talk about something else, feel free! I just want to get to know y'all and thank you for joining me (especially those of you who’ve been here from the beginning!)

Here are the questions:

1. What is your middle name? 2. Do you have any nicknames that aren’t derived from your actual name? 2. Do you have any allergies? 4. What is the longest your hair has ever been? 5. How well can you write in cursive? 6. Name one item on your bucket list. 7. Have you ever been on a blind date? 8. What is the oldest piece of clothing you still wear and how old is it? 9. How often do you eat out at a fancy restaurant? 10. How grammatically correct are you when you text? 11. Can you drive stick? 12. What foreign country would you most like to visit and why? 13. Nutella or peanut butter? 14. At what age did you have your first kiss? 15. DC or Marvel? 16. Have you ever hosted a wild party? 17. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it? 18. How many of your Facebook friends do you actually hang with? 19. Have you ever donated blood? 20. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays? 21. Coffee or tea? 22. What is your go-to Starbucks drink? 23. Last show you binge watched? 24. Dogs or cats? 25. Favorite animated Disney character? 26. Have you ever cooked a big family meal by yourself? 27. Favorite winter activity? 28. Have you ever butt dialed anyone? 29. Can you blow a bubble gum bubble? 30. How early in the year do you start celebrating Christmas? 31. What emoji best describes your life right now? 32. Are you fluent in more than one language? 33. What is the longest you’ve ever kept a New Year’s resolution? 34. Have you ever successfully been on a diet? Did you gain any of the weight back? 35. Are any of your grandparents still alive? 36. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions? 37. Have you ever gotten a commercial jingle stuck in your head? 38. Have you ever left a movie theater before the movie was over? 39. Do you consider rapping singing? 40. Does your home have a fireplace? 41. Favorite non-chocolate candy? 42. If you could have only one superpower, what would you want and why? 43. Have you ever locked your keys in your car? 44. Do you listen to any religious music? 45. Do you drink soda? If so, which one is your favorite? 46. What was your ACT score? 47. Rice or quinoa? 48. From 1-10, how good of a driver do you consider yourself? 49. Do you like horror movies? 50. How easily do you cry? 51. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? 52. You are hanging with your closest friends. What are you most likely doing? 53. Can you handle spicy foods? What is your spice limit? 54. Can you play any musical instruments? If so, which ones? 55. Are you more introverted or extroverted? 56. Last CD you bought? 57. Do you like roller coasters? 58. What day of the week is laundry day for you? 59. Have you ever played spin the bottle? 60. How long have you known your best friend? 61. Can you eat using chopsticks? 62. Do you have any stickers on your laptop computer? If so, what are they of? 63. How often do you say y'all? 64. Favorite flavor of ice cream? 65. How long was your longest relationship? Are you still with that person? 66. Star Trek or Star Wars? 67. How good are you at math? 68. Have you ever acted in a play or a musical? 69. How often do you read/pay attention to your horoscope? 70. What is the shortest your hair has ever been? 71. Have you ever broken any bones? 72. Do you like to go fishing? 73. Do you believe in evolution? 74. Favorite costume you wore for Hallowen? How old were you? 75. Real or fake Christmas trees? 76. How many pillows do you sleep with? 77. Do you live in an apartment or a house? 78. How many of your friends are of the opposite gender? 79. Have you ever had a near-death experience? 80. How long have you been at your current job? 81. What kind of car do you drive (year, brand, model, color)? 82. How flexible are you? 83. Have you ever ended a romantic relationship? 84. Phrase you say the most? 85. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same gender? If so, did you like it? 86. Do you own any homemade clothing? 87. Do you like fast food? 88. Have you ever given anyone CPR? 89. Have you ever learned to do anything from a a how-to video on YouTube? 90. Describe your sense of humor. 92. Favorite cereal? 93. Have you ever auditioned for a reality competition show? 94. Have you ever gotten a TV theme song stuck in your head? 95. Do you believe in ghosts? 96. Do you think there is life on other planets? 97. Have you ever given money to a street performer? 98. Your deepest fear? 99. Pancakes or waffles? 100. Are you still friends with anyone from high school? 101. From 1-10, how good of a dancer do you consider yourself? 102. How much of a patient person are you? 103. Do you know your IQ? 104. Do you eat meat at all? 105. Do you own any clothes from a garage sale or a thrift store? 106. Have you ever bought anything from a flea market? 107. Have you ever quit a job? 108. Have you ever gotten a song you dislike stuck in your head? 109. Any movie(s) you can watch over and over and over again and enjoy just as much each time? 110. Do you or have you ever worn glasses? 111. Have you ever skinny dipped? 112. Are your birth parents still together? 113. Have you ever been in the audience for the taping of a Tv show? 114. Favorite type of cookie? 115. Have you ever been broken up with? 116. How often do you smile when getting your picture taken? 117. Have you ever accidentally dialed 911? 118. Oldest memory? 119. Have you ever been the victim of a nasty prank? 120. How often do you snort when you laugh? 121. From 1-10, how good of a singer do you consider yourself? 122. Favorite Disney song? 123. Where do you see yourself 10 years from now? 124. What is your Myers-Briggs personality type? 125. Have you ever had a fortune cookie fortune come true? 126. Name one thing you wish people would stop posting on social media. 127. Last musical artist you saw live? 128. Credit cards or cash? 129. Favorite fandom? 130. What is your astrological sign? 131. Have you ever been fired from a job? 132. Any hidden talents? 133. Can you surf? 134. What motivates you to do well in life? 135. Your worst physical feature? 136. From 1-10, how much are you like your father? 137. How lucky do you consider yourself? 138. Name a moment in your life when you were pleasently surprised. 139. Have you ever been summoned for jury duty? 140. What type of shoes do you wear the most? 141. Favorite summer activity? 142. Favorite song to sing in the shower? 143. Have you ever lived with a roommate you did not get along with? 144. Have you ever lived on a farm? 145. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal? 146. TV show or movie you quote/reference the most? 147. How often do you get mad at yourself? 148. Have you ever gotten any stitches? 149. Have you ever been hunting? 150. Favorite YouTube channel? 151. Have you ever had a pet besides a dog or a cat? 152. From 1-10, how well do you work with others? 153. Are you friends with any of your exes? 154. Apple or PC? 155. Do you collect anything? 156. Have you ever seen any Broadway plays or musicals? 157. Any missed opporunites you wish you had taken? 158. Have you ever uttered a spoken hashtag? 159. Do you have a pool at your house? 160. What is the longest you’ve gone without sleep? 161. Last thing that made you laugh? 162. Disney or Nickelodeon? 163. Name one celebrity you wish was still alive. 164. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother? 165. Your best physical feature? 166. Earbud or earmuff headphones? 167. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? 168. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ear lobes? 169. How often do you wash your hair? 170. Showers or baths? 171. Have you ever been a bridesmaid or a groomsman? 172. Bottled or tap water? 173. What was your favorite TV show when you were a kid? 174. Any guilty pleasures you’re willing to discuss? 175. Favorite video game? 176. Have you ever gotten a New Year’s kiss exactly at midnight? 177. How many of the United States have you visited? 178. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? 179. Have you ever gotten a surgery? 180. Your least favorite food? 181. From 1-10, how competitive are you? 182. Do you like wearing hats? 183. How much of a jealous peron are you? 184. What was your SAT score? 185. Have you ever voted for a reality competition show? 186. Does anyone in your family currently serve in your country’s military? 187. Snowboarding or skiing? 188. What celebrity would you most want to play you in a movie about your life? 189. Have you ever been a Boy or Girl Scout? 190. Have you ever dyed your hair? 191. From 1-10, how good of a cook do you consider yourself? 192. You have just opened up a web browser. What is the first site you visit? 193. How many things can you do with your weaker hand? 194. Were you involved in any academic clubs in high school? 195. Have you ever played hooky from school? 196. Are you comfortable with watching rated R movies? 197. Do you root for any sports teams? 198. First thing you do when you wake up in the morning? 199. If you could take home any one animal from the zoo, which one would you choose? 200. Tell something about yourself most people don’t know.

#study #studyblr #100 followers #celebration #sleepover #ask me anything #answer anything #talk to me #girls studyrobotics

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attract-mode-collective · 7 years

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"It runs on nothing but dreams and jazz music. Love too..."

The best time of the year is finally upon us! Yup, talking about Halloween, which I celebrate by packing every single available moment with scary movies. Also, scary video games. Alas, because I’m not much of a PC person (yet), I haven’t had a chance to play FAITH…

Yet I am a total fanboy of the PS2, hence why I’ve expressed my fondness for Haunting Ground quite a few times already…

I’m also quite familiar with Simple 2000 Series Vol. 113: The Tairyou Jigoku...

BTW, though last two are courtesy of obscurevideogames, which has been posting gifs from various obscure video games indeed, which also happen to be horror related all month long. Like Twilight Syndrome: Saikai/Reunion, a title I’ve yet to experience, despite being a total fanboy of the PSone as well...

Late to the party I know, but I only just became acquainted with Mason Lindroth and basically want him to do the graphics for all the games...

Something that’s somewhat along the same lines, kinda/sorta, is Middens (via koldspaghetti)...

Remember Gacha Man, one of SPLENDID LAND’s hand crafted robot masters? Guess what; the collection is finally complete…

My fave would have to be (and not just because he reminds of Soundwave) SLN-014 Cassette Man: “by playing different music tapes, his abilities change. he mostly listens to the same few songs over and over though”...

I also dig the redesign of Mega Man himself…

If Splatoon was on the GBA, this is what it would look like, according to suzi-hhh...

It’s somewhat old news, and to be honest, I’m not exactly blown away by them, but for those who missed it and might be interested, behold a Super Famicom Mini-tie in shirt from the King of Games...

The love for the Super Fami is very strong in Japan, and miki800 recently posted a roundup of various goods. With the most interesting being what appears to be a book…

… Which as it turns out is just a blank notebook. But hey, that means you finally have something to write high scores into, given that all the instruction manuals are digital! Never mind the save function on the Super Fami Mini/SNES Classic.

miki800 also recently visited an insanely super awesome looking store. My fave bits would have to be the bootleg AM2 hat…

The Super Girl Boy shirt…

The handmade Space Invader…

And this off brand Lego set (I wonder what that particular Soundwave toy is all about)...

Speaking of threads, I have a new fave Tumblr that’s simply calls itself Video Game Jackets. Here we have Naoto Ohshima‏’s Sonic Jacket...

Then there’s this Darius jacket…

… which is available at Taito’s just opened barcade, MEGARAGE.

And speaking of large fish, arcadephile has a pic of Stephen Spielberg and an arcade game that’s not officially based on Jaws though its source of inspiration is unmistakable...

Mysterious0bob has this noteworthy observation when it comes to Cuphead...

“So everyone knows about the Gunstar Heroes references in Cuphead but I can’t help but feel this boss is a reference to The Adventures of Batman & Robin on the Sega Mega Drive. Its at very least a huge coincidence.  

It's not too clear in these screenshots but they have the exact same method of attacking as well (minus the summoning of ghost mice).“

... BTW, I chose a different, higher quality image for Batman & Robin (hope Mysterious0bob doesn’t mind).

Please enjoy this very nice Nier sketch, by Mira Ong Chua…

Along with some Nier… school fashion? By @cyocyo_tasaka, via aku-no-homu…

And here’s a nice Metal Gear Solid fan art, by Justin Currie, via gamefreaksnz…

An illustration by Danny Hellman for New York Press from back in the day (it, along with Screw, basically kept local cartoonists afloat during the late 80s to early 2000s), depicting the infamous first release from Ice T’s hardcore band Body Count (which was also the first CD I ever purchased)...

I guess this is a loosely translated Metroid 4koma... or is it poorly (via tabletorgy-art)?

You know how horrible the Secret of Mana remake looks? Whomever should just get the person who did this re-imagining of Chrono Trigger...

Also thanks to arcade-crusade, I now really want a clear DS...

Am not entirely sure what I’m seeing here; a Game Gear running MSX games (via sixteen-bit)?

doctorbutler wonders who did this Street Fighter x Beavis & Butthead mash-up and I too would like to know!

Though the identity of the artist responsible for arguably be the most famous SF2 illustration is well known: Kinu Nishimura. And here’s the WIP version, via videogamesdensetsu...

Sticking with VGD for a sec; say hello to the women of Renai Kōza Real Age...

I also respect any game that has the guts to not bother putting the title on its cover…

From 2D to 3D, here we have the evolution of the Virtua Fighters...

Again, this will be old news to some, but for everyone else, it was recently discovered what Yoshi originally looked like in Super Mario World…

There's apparently a dedicated tool that's just for watching the pre-rendered backgrounds in Silpheed?

And sticking with shmups, ship designs for the rather obscure (and super ambitious) Philosoma…

Any opportunity to post Vic Viper fan art is one I am all too happy to utilize...

Also via the Tumblr that lives up to its namesake is some laserdisc based title starring a ship that I am absolutely in love with...

Here’s the back, btw…

And here’s a rather mysterious flyer…

Equally cryptic is this… I honestly don’t know (via strawberrytabasco)....

[UPDATE: 10/15/17] The mystery has been solved, courtesy of mendelpalace...

“Yo! Just wanted to tell you that the "Blipverts" image from that post you made is related to Max Headroom, a cyberpunk TV show from the 80s. The first episode was called Blipverts, and dealt a TV station making high speed commercials condensed into a few seconds, which have a side effect of making some people's heads explode.”

Heading towards the left is what appears to be a Japanese high school student being followed by what appears to be a ghost in what appears to be a Game Boy Color game (via corporalsteiner)...

[UPDATE: 10/16/17] Actually, according to lunaticobscurity...

“that's no ghost, it's lum from the early 80s anime urusei yatsura!“.

And heading towards the right is quite obviously the dude from Altered Beast, corrupted (via corruptionasart)...

Time for another animated gif featuring a giant spider, but also time for another animated gif from Sin & Punishment (via n64thstreet)…

It’s also time, especially since it's been a while, for some video games x cats (via tokkeki)...

Time to wrap things up with a scary story, since again, tis the Halloween season. And the following is a truly horrific tale, one that will send chills down the spines of anyone… who is into preserving old arcade cabinets…

Though the spirits of the past remain with us nevertheless… in the form of cheesy store displays (via arcadezen)...

Don’t forget: Attract Mode is now on Medium! There you can subscribe to keep up to date, as well as enjoy some “best of” content you might have missed the first time around, plus be spared of the technical issues that’s starting to overtake Tumblr.

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surveysonfleek · 7 years

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309.

1. What is your birth name? What name do you use? i go by my birth name. my name is pretty different so i don’t want to post it since a google search would probably bring this tumblr up haha. 2. Do you have a nickname? What is it, and where did you get it? yes. it’s a mix of my first and middle name and it’s also super different. my mum came up with it.

3. What do you look like? (Include height, hair, eyes, skin, apparent age, and distinguishing features) i’m 5′4″, dark brown hair with lighter ends, brown eyes, sorta tanned skin, i guess i look my age (26). 4. How do you dress most of the time? these days pretty comfortably. during winter i stick to leggings, sweaters or a tee with a jacket/coat. in summer i wear a lot of dresses.

5. How do you “dress up?” usually by wearing a dress and wearing more makeup than usual.

6. How do you “dress down?” trackpants and oversized tees.

7. What do you wear when you go to sleep? pyjamas or old clothes i wouldn’t wear out anymore.

8. Do you wear any jewelry? yes. earring, nose rings and bracelet. 9. In your opinion, what is your best feature? my skin. 10. What’s your real birth date? dec 5. 11. Where do you live? Describe it: Is it messy, neat, avant-garde, sparse, etc.? i live in the suburbs in a typical two storey home with a big backyard. 12. Do you own a car? Describe it. yeah, a black 2011 suzuki alto. 13. What is your most prized mundane possession? Why do you value it so much? my perfumes. i just collect them and they really do remind me of different eras of my life haha.

14. What one word best describes you? easygoing.

Familial Questions 1. What was your family like? i love my immediate family. my parents did separate when i was 18 so that was hard but i’m just making the most of it now.

2. Who was your father, and what was he like? my dad is the kind and patient one of the family. i was spoilt silly by him but he also taught me how to be humble. my dad kinda goes to me for his problems now which is actually pretty hard on me but whatever, he’s my dad.

3. Who was your mother, and what was she like? my mum is really hard working and still insists on doing everything for me and my sister. she’s a really strong woman.

4. What was your parents marriage like? Were they married? Did they remain married? nah they separated back in 2008. technically they’re still married. honestly their entire marriage was fine but after a year of arguing in 2008 they decided to go their separate ways.

5. What were your siblings names? What were they like? i have one younger sister, dana. she’s the typical 19yo, still loves bieber, loves kylie jenner etc. we didn’t really get along growing up but now we’re getting closer which is nice.

7. When’s the last time you saw any member of your family? Where are they now? question 6 is missing grrr. umm i saw my mum a couple hours ago for dinner. she’s probably sleeping now.

8. Did you ever meet any other family members? Who were they? What did you think of them? yeah i’ve met all of my aunts, uncles and first cousins. there’s plenty of them. idk they’re all different, i get along with some more than others but i don’t hate anyone.

Childhood Questions 1. What is your first memory? i was on vacation in the philippines at 2yo, i remember going to a zoo and riding in a boat? 2. It is common for one’s view of authority to develop in their adolescent years. What is your view of authority, and what event most affected it? eh, i didn’t really notice i was always good to my parents. my teachers, not so much. 3. What were/are you like in high school? What “cliché” did/do you best fit in with? i was in the group that were friends with everyone. they were friends with the popular people even though i wasn’t lol. there’s honestly no cliche for it. 4. What were/are your high school goals? my main goal was to get into uni, which i did. 5. Who was/is your idol when you were growing up? no one. 6. What is your favorite memory from adolescence? just those nights where i’d be on the phone until the early hours of the morning. and being on msn until late too lol. 7. What is your worst memory from adolescence? none that i can think of. probably my parents separating. Occupational Questions 1. Do you have a job? What is it? Do you like it? If no job, where does your money come from? yeah i have a job that i hate so much lol. i need to find a new job asap and i keep fkn telling myself that but it’s seriously time. 2. What is your boss or employer like? If a Student what are your teachers like? every night it’s a different supervisor so there isn’t one person that i have to report to all the time which is good. 3. What are your co-workers or fellow students like? Do you get along with them? Any in particular? i love some of my coworkers, they make the shift go faster. 4. What is something you had to learn that you hated? a lot of math. 5. Do you tend to save or spend your money? Why? a bit of both. i treat myself sometimes. Likes & Dislikes Questions 1. What hobbies do you have? traveling, reading, board games, shopping. 2. Who is your closest friend? Describe them and how you relate to them. definitely my boyfriend. he’s the only person that knows the most about me. 3. Who is your worst enemy? Describe them and why you don’t get along. i don’t really have one. 4. What bands do you like? Do you even pay attention? i don’t pay attention lol. 5. What tape or CD hasn’t left your player since your purchased it? Why? i have neither right now. 6. What song is “your song?” Why? i could probably make a list of 20 songs that are so ‘me’. 7. What’s been your favorite movie of all time? a couple. i usually stick to aladdin though. 8. Read any good books? What were they? yes plenty. 9. What do you watch on the television? i binge watch all sorts of shows. right now it’s skin wars and the handmaid’s tale. 10. When it comes to mundane politics, do you care? If so, which way do you tend to vote? If not, why don’t you care? i care to a certain extent. it’s compulsory to vote here. 11. What type of places do you hang out in when you are on your own? my room. 12. What type of places do you hang out in with your friends? restaurants, bars, each other’s houses. 13. What annoys you more than anything else? rudeness. 14. What would be the perfect gift for you? money. 15. What’s the most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen? scenery? idk.

16. What time of day is your favorite? night. 17. What kind of weather is your favorite? sunny without a cloud in the sky. warm in the sun, cool in the shade. 18. What is your favorite food? What is your least favorite food? sushi, ribs and hotdogs. my least fave is probably curry, even though there are some curries i do enjoy. 19. What is your favorite drink? (Coffee, Coke, Juice, Beer, Wine, etc.) root beer. 20. What’s your favorite Pokémon? Why? eevee only coz it’s cute. 21. Do you have any pets? Do you want any pets? What kind? yeah i have a dog named sky. 22. What do you find most relaxing? (Not as in stress relief, but as something that actually calms you down.) naps and massages. 23. What habit that others have annoys you most? coughing without covering their mouths. 24. What kind of things embarrass you? Why? anything that brings attention to myself. 25. What don’t you like about yourself? i laugh too loud. 26. How would you like to look? me but better haha.

Morality Questions 1. What one act in your past are you most ashamed of? What one act in your past are you most proud of? i’m not really ashamed of anything. i’m proud of graduating uni. 2. Have you ever been in an argument before? Over what, with who, and who won? plenty. usually with my boyfriend. no one wins or loses lol. 3. Have you ever been in a physical fight before? Over what, with who, and who won? nope. 5. What trait do you find most admirable, and how often do you find it? intelligence. i don’t find it that often these days. 6. What’s the worst thing that can be done to another person? Why? slow torture. 7. Are you a better leader or follower? Why do you think that? i prefer to be a leader but tbh i don’t know what that’s like either lol. 8. What is your responsibility to the world, if any? Why do you think that? tbh i have no idea. 9. Is it okay for you to cry? When was the last time you cried? hell yeah. idk maybe a couple days ago but just a tear.

#survey #surveys #quiz #bored #questions

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aleatoryalarmalligator · 7 years

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Life Story Part 16

It is at about this point in my tale where I am afraid I might lose some people who think well of me. I haven't always been exactly the nicest person. You actually can never fully know a person until you give them power. I understand why I behaved the way I did when I did wrong. I was twelve, and I to a degree was only emulating the way the adults in my life treated me. Because of my situation I was deeply unhappy, and in other ways I was given unbridled power that I didn't know how to use at first. Add on childhood depression, a deep seated sense of inferiority, and a growing resentment for everyone around me, and you have all the makings of a young tyrant. I am able to understand how I was feeling, what had been done to me, and how I was responding to my own sense of neglect, powerlessness, and worthlessness. Because by this time, I had saturated in these feelings so long I had become pickled in them. And lastly, I am sorry. I know there are things I have said and done that cannot be taken back, but I am humble and besides myself with a strong sense that there must always be a sliver of my life that shall be eternally set aside as an eternal apology as long as I live and breath.

I shall try to explain.

The first thing I think I ever have done that had lasting negative consequences on those around me all came to pass because I turned twelve. Turning twelve meant that I could legally babysit. My father had always promised up and down that he would never ever under any circumstances put me through forcing me to babysit through my teen years while I should be living my own life. My mom always expected it of her children, and he wasn't going to make that mistake. I lived with a sureness that I would maybe only have to babysit once or twice a month for my teen years. Ha! You can ask Allison and David. As soon as it was legal, I was imprisoned in the house babysitting whenever possible. My mom and dad were equally guilty of this. David and Allison both think of me as a parent in a lot of ways because for better or worse, it was I who was always there. I put more effort to get to know them than either one of our parents did. This isn't to say that no effort was put in on their part, but it was put in at their own leisure after this point. They didn't miss a beat. I turned twelve, and my free time was half over. My mother's boyfriends came first, and the same goes with my father. His girlfriends took precedence over us – specifically me. I lost out on a lot of free time I should have to be my own person and have my own life.

I resented this like hell. From Thursday after school, to Sunday night, I babysat. My mom and dad were either at work or too busy to be bothered. Often times, I babysat on all the other nights of the week as soon as I got home from school. And you have to know, after being pushed around, belittled, insulted, and made to feel small, helpless, and alone, I was up to my eyeballs with a rage that I could barely comprehend or control. There was no inner voice weighing out my situation, questioning my feelings. I just felt this switch go off in my head and I was gone. Allison and David weren't terrible. But David could be incredibly bratty. I had for years taken issue with his spoiled behavior, and his natural tendency to be a little tyrant in his own right.

Because I had no control over my life, because I felt ugly, because years of this stuff was beginning to boil over the pot, I lashed out on Allison and David when I should not have. Some of this was in part too because I didn't know how to make them behave. I didn't feel like if I said things to them like a friend that they would listened to me. I was probably right about that. I had been given a dull promise that if they ever misbehaved, I had but to tell either my mom or dad and they would handle it. This rarely happened. I would try to explain the situation, but both parents would spin the situation around on me. Which put me in a situation where I felt the only course of action fell on my hands to make sure things went properly. Nobody was going to help me, but nobody was going to stop me either. This was my first taste of power over anyone. So I became an authoritarian dictator in Allison and David's lives as soon as the parents went off. I would scream, throw things, push them, pull their hair, call them names, sometimes for offenses that were almost nothing. Sometimes one of them had done something bad – specifically David. He might have needed some form of reprimanding. But I was so bad early on, that if they were good, I would walk around until I found something insane to scream at them about. I was awful. I would like to sugarcoat this, but I cannot. This was the only time in my life where I was given any power, and I abused it immediately. And what I did really, was make things worse. When you punish children like this, maximizing the pain and severity of any and all crimes, you really desensitize them to that level of punishment. It is partially because of my parents extreme spoiling and negligence, and my father's personal freak outs, with a dash of genetics at play, but also because of me that David grew up having anger issues. I wish I could go back and be the calm democratic representative that I know how to be now. But I can't. All I can tell you is what I did.

I also really wish I could tell everyone about Allison and about David's lives who's are just as valid and interesting in mine with their own insight which is unique and important to me. Because they too had their own lives, friendships, losses, hardships and paradigms as well and in many ways some of that might come out from my own life telling, but since this story is about my experiences, and because I could not fairly represent them anyway if I tried, I will have to depart on that note. The former oppressor in any given situation should always give room to the victims to have the final say. I think that's probably true in any healthy society, family, or relationship. I can't do that at this time. I know I damaged their childhood. I know I frightened them, and created mental coping skills that were not healthy. I am besides myself because I cannot imagine doing this now. I know 'whoops!' doesn't cut it, but I only had so much self awareness at the time in order to cope with living. It is what it is and nothing can be changed.

Allison was a kindergartner at the time, and I think it is interesting enough to mention that she had just as many issues wit Mrs. Denler as I did. Probably more, since she is more stubborn and bold than I was. Mrs. Denler grabbed Allison by the ear, twisted her ear and pulled her up the steps one time. Fortunately for David however, Mrs. Denler retired the next year. I honestly don't know how she got through thirty years of teaching without someone turning her in. But she got away with it.

I did a fair amount of my babysitting in a small ugly trailer that my mom was renting. At the time, she had taken up dishwashing at a country club at the end of town. She was completely broke. It was a very small trailer. It was almost a camper really. James living there really smelled the place up. I had never fully realized just how uncleansly that guy was. He smelled like soiled mildewed sweat mixed with hot sauce and fart. It was so unpleasant smelling in there. My mom would pick us up on Fridays after work, and then she would drop us off at the trailer and immediately head off to work all night. James went off to drink with friends until late at night, often coming home drunk, or not coming in at all – which was always preferable. Generally speaking, my mom would rent some VHS tapes at Hastings, and David would be given the extra bedroom to be in separate from the rest of us. David was really into Jackie Chan. It was cute and silly. He didn't know that some of Jackie Chan's gimmicks were meant for light entertainment. David believed that Jackie Chan was manly and serious and dangerous. I still remember David's little voice talking on and on about Jackie Chan. So David would generally be in the extra bedroom watching foreign movies with Jackie Chan in them, or maybe Rush Hour or that one with him and Owen Wilson in the old west. You had to walk through the bathroom to get to the bedroom. I remember walking in there sometimes and yelling at him.

Allison was really into beanie babies, and Furbies. So she would be arranging her stuffed animals in the living room. After school, I would take my overloaded book bag, often times with a broken zipper or a massive hole in the bottom that would require I carry my stuff with two hands, and I would throw it in the corner, not to touch it once the entire weekend. I might draw a bit. I was fortunate enough to have access to television. I remember watching everything that is available to people with cheap free cable, Friends and Frazier, Full House, Oprah, Charles in Charge, sometimes crime shows like Law and Order (they are all the same show in my head though I know there are actually twenty or so distinct and notable crime solving shows). PBS had this show called Zoom', or something like that. I was basically a group of kids doing science experiments you could in theory do at home, but actually couldn't at all. I tried to copy them sometimes and made huge pointless messes in the process.

I would stay up late enough, and then I would watch the infomercials. For about two or three hours, they would double play a cd collection you could get of all the 60's hits. I remember really enjoying the short snippets of some of the songs but my friends were all into pop so I would never tell anyone I liked old music that much. It would be like, The Mamas and Papas, The Zombies, the Are You Going To San Francisco' song, maybe like a Chicago song or a Cat Stevens song thrown in. Then, it would go into 60's country hits. I saw the glorious Dolly Parton, and they would keep playing Johnny Cash's Folsom Prison beginning riff as the opening theme to the infomercial. And they kept playing Marty Robbins. I liked this one too. Then they would try to sell you a diet pill that was absurd and actually stated that you were required to eat as much as you wanted, whatever you wanted or else the pill wouldn't take affect. I would feel this deep anxious nothingness. I felt empty and alone as I watched these infomercials in a way I cannot explain, like my very existence as being sucked away and I was missing the point of living entirely, stuck in my crummy little life, in this crummy little trailer, waiting for my cheap ass mom to come home from her dishwasher job. Eating little Debby's not because I enjoyed them, but because they were there and that was all there was to eat, and I was anxious. When the infomercials were over, I would feel bloated and oddly afraid of something I had no name for. Allison would be curled up on the gross floor, David would be snoozing in my mother's bed. I had the couch. The television would stop playing the infomercials, and then there would be some kind of stand by till morning screen. There was no night time television playing. I would curl up with a soily gross scratchy blanket and close my eyes.

There was a car racing game, Rush, I think it's called that James sometimes had set up. The cars always flew in the most unrealistic ways. I think one of the places you could drive was literally the moon. It was absolutely fantastic and sickening. I would play that for hours. I didn't even like it, I just did it.

In the morning on Sundays I would watch televangelists. I wasn't really into it, but it was something I grew accustomed to. I had read the bible so I understood what they were saying. The real excitement came when they replayed a PBS series, like Anne of Green Gables. It wasn't great, but there was no other options. I'd watch Thomas and Theodore sometimes, but they were kids shows about mentally off machines with egos. It wasn't and isn't safe to go walking around in Clarkston, especially this part of town. I never had any money. My parents didn't give me a single cent for my troubles until I was much older and demanded it. I could never wait until my father came to pick us up on Sunday. Often times, I would go home with him on Saturday, and simply have him drop me off early on Sunday morning. I had screamed at Allison and David sufficiently, I had met my own existence with despair, and I was ready to go to school to be demeaned and do it all again. There seemed no end in sight for me.

What's more, my friends were always having sleepovers. When I came back to school on Monday, it always felt like I had missed a lot. Sarah and Samantha were spending more time with Katie. I didn't see her at all because I was always gone. She also didn't think she liked me. I missed all the dances that the juniors could go to. I remember the whole school decorated, and everyone was excited to get into dresses and go to the dance. Samantha was really into this kid in the class above us named Andy. Andy was her brother's friend, and he was just terrible. Samantha really had the worst taste in guys, I swear. I wanted to be apart of their world. I mean, I spent a lot of time at Sarah's during the week. But it always felt like when she hung out with me, it was her and I and then by association I was a part of the group, but really I wasn't. I was either not invited or now I was chained to my duties as third parent. When I couldn't go to the dance, I remember sitting in my mom's gross trailer and crying. I didn't even have a dress had I been able. I would have needed ten dollars to get in – which my dad would not have given me. My dad didn't want me to have dresses else I might attract someone and get pregnant. There was no female sensibilities in my life either. Nobody taught me how to wear make up or do my hair. My dad scoffed at anything feminine. My mom was busy. My training bras that I had worn for years were starting not to fit me very well. But nobody would by me a new one.

Without realizing it, my dad kind of pushed a male gender role on me – and I think this was mostly because he was afraid that I would get pregnant or do drugs, but also I think he was innocently clueless about how to raise girls. Some of it was a little sexist as well. I feel like my father saw femininity was deceptive towards men – on a very subconscious and symbolic level that he himself was not consciously aware of. He just seemed to have vague problems with the idea of it. He didn't really understand the female perspective, that there could be joy in wearing and expressing femininity through makeup or clothes without it being some kind of game to make men lose their minds. I felt like being girlish in any way was a weakness. So I denied what I was without realizing it. I strangely wanted to be the kind of girl that would go to the dance in a dress, but I felt incredibly isolated from even having the opportunity, and if I had the opportunity I doubt I could have willed myself to go.

The season of football had come to an end, and the whole school, and the whole town really was dedicating themselves to sending the Kendrick Tigers off to super games in other places. The girls basketball team was headed down somewhere to play a game off somewhere far away, and the boys' football team was to play their final match with one of the neighboring towns – Deary, Troy, Genessee or Orofino. The Kendrick football team was a BIG deal. Everyone seemed obsessed with the players, and winning. Many people showed up just for practices. I never quite understood, being the odd one out and never really especially enjoying football. I still don't understand how it is played.

So on the week before these games, they actually closed the school, and on the last part of the day we went to school, the entire school marched down to the local park. There was a float, and streamers everywhere. I had no idea what was going on as we were marched along like cattle. When we got there, we all had to get into our classes. Everyone was forced to chant this horrible song that went from class to class, and then Girl to Boy, that went something like this

“HEY SOPHMORES?!

“YEAH!?” (Sophomores respond to the rest of the school)

“HEY SOPHMORES?!”

“YEAH?!”

“SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!!!”

“NO WAY!!”

“SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!!!!”

“OKAY!!!!”

At this point everyone in the school says

JUMP! SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!! JUMP JUMP SHAKE YOUR BOOTY!

(.. on a side note I have no idea what changed the sophomores minds? Like, you can't just demand something like that and get your way, and nothing seemed to happen in the interval between the Sophomores saying no way and the school asking once more)

And the Sophomores have to jump and shake their dumb little redneck butts. If you do not participate you got written up by the school monitor Ms. Fligger who had a brain tumor. And they made you stand somewhere everyone could see you in all your shame.

After this, you had to do bobbing for apples in the most filthy unsanitary way imaginable, and then you and your class had to hold toothpicks between your teeth and pass along a life saver. I remember my shame one year as it slid back and hit me in the teeth. It was so gross. I think there was a potato bag race, and a bunch of other things that were simply unfun and hard if you were anxious and unpatriotic.

They also had a theme. There was this girl in my class named Laura Lee. Laura Lee was probably second to Double D when it came to eccentricity and being picked on. She had that same skin condition that JFK had, only it didn't give her the same look. Her skin was basically orangy red. Her hair was fuzzier than mine, and red. She was about three hundred pounds or so. And she basically was trying to have sex with all the boys. I don't want to sound like I am picking on her. This was just the way she was then. She would start fingering herself in class with her pencil. People gave her a hard time, but nothing seemed to deter her. Anyway, she LOVED Homecoming. She would get up in front of everyone and dance. It was the strangest thing, I tell you.

After this tribal show of patriotism for our little football team of awkward teenage boys we called our own that happened to practice in one area of the world were we lived closest to, everyone got up to get a school photo. There is a picture of me somewhere. I am somewhat noticeable, at the end of the school picture, head in hand, khaki pants, red zip up jacket. Long curly brown hair. Completely not feeling the whole event like everyone else. Perhaps someday I will find it and post it onto facebook.

Ordinarily the last class of the day was Shop. We basically watched long safety videos. The teacher was this short angry little woman with a serious and gruff voice and posture named Ms. Guhlkee. She would raise her voice at you at nearly everything you said or did. Life was this serious how to safety manual in her eyes. Nothing was funny. She had these egotistical stare downs with people that didn't need to happen. I just felt like the amped up the class to be this really uncomfortable bootcamp situation that it absolutely had no reason to be. We sometimes had to use the power tools. I was always too afraid. The smell of the wood working building was atrocious to me. There was this smell of burning metal in the welding section that made me very sick. I remember her yelling at me, and feeling too anxious and nauseated to even understand her. I think she probably saw me as the lowest denominator of human. I was weak and abstract minded. Which did not appeal to her at all. She yelled at me a lot. At the end of the year, we were to make wooden cars. We had to design them, the simpler the better. For some absurd reason, despite being told that we could not make little details, I wanted to make a snail which has those intricate little feelers coming up – which is how you know it is a snail in this context. So I designed a snail with wheels to be my car, and she really laid into me for it. However, I didn't get the chance to go back on it. And she ended up angrily doing the whole thing for me. I don't have my snail car anymore. I wish I knew what happened to it.

One night, not long after this time, just as the fall was beginning to show signs of winter, I was sitting alone on a Friday night thinking over my classmates alone on my mother's bed. I felt giddy and excited, but for what I didn't know. There was just this nervous energy in me that I could not place. I was actually excited to get to school again for one thing. I didn't feel good exactly. Frustrated, but excited. Something in my head was screaming out at me. I was having issues breathing. There was a sense of euphoria in the whole situation. I remember sitting there looking down at a piece of paper, and then it occurred to me, “Am I in love?” I had without consciously grasping onto it, been thinking about Kyle, how he had such a kind and thoughtful face, intelligent eyes. He seemed to laugh carelessly. Sometimes I could hear him in his house practicing the horn, or playing his drum set. I liked the way he walked up the hill too his house. He seemed funny too – when he got to talking. It suddenly dawned on me that I had thought of little else but him for the entire week, but I had not consciously paid much attention to this for some reason. Suddenly, it all made sense and fell on me like a ton of bricks. I was crushing very hard. Everything underneath me seemed to slip away. I felt like I was falling. I didn't know if I should laugh or cry, or what grounds I was to go about the business of living. I honestly wanted to marry him. I had never felt even remotely like this for anyone in my whole life. I didn't even know him, and yet I felt like I did. I just knew that we had made some kind of connection. There had never been a word between us. But I just knew. And somehow I had to make him know as well. Oh, what was I to do?

PART 15 - http://tinyurl.com/yb3lt6k5

PART 14 - http://tinyurl.com/yb4cfedq

PART 13 - http://tinyurl.com/yalanq9s

PART 12 - http://tinyurl.com/yc79mw94

PART 11 - http://tinyurl.com/yc9qhj84

PART 10 - http://tinyurl.com/yb734w24

PART 9 - http://tinyurl.com/yc2t6vfw

PART 8 - http://tinyurl.com/ybl37utq

PART 7 - http://tinyurl.com/ybvo283g

PART 6 - http://tinyurl.com/kbc9dwu

PART 5 - http://tinyurl.com/msnz4am

PART 4 - http://tinyurl.com/k9x8esg

PART 3 - http://tinyurl.com/mwp9atx

PART 2 - http://tinyurl.com/lbt6xq2

PART 1 - http://tinyurl.com/l8xbvg8

#text

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doctormelapples · 7 years

Note

all the cute asks plz

anything for you my lowercase lovely

Cute asks

1. do you have any recurring dreams? what are they?

I actually don’t dream, or at least I never remember them

2. what is your favourite kind of fruit?

MANGOS !¡ FUCK ME UP MAMI

3. sweet or savory?

Depends on the day, atm sweet

4. what is your smallest/pettiest fear?

Smallest? Tape + glue + gum getting in my hair

5. what is your least favourite vegetable?

I swear to jesus that if you come near me with brussel sprouts i will decapitate you

6. what is your favourite art movement?

The Heidelberg Project

7. do you drink milk?

Ah, I’m,,, I Am,,, lactose intolerant,,,

8. what was the last line of the last book you read?

Remake the World

9. do you like bitter food?

What is a bitter food? I like sour + bitter candy?

10. what is the most significant event in your life so far?

This is not it but a significant event was moving from my old school to my current one. It really changed who I am as a person

11. what is one thing ( a book, movie, etc ) that has greatly affected you?

Doctor Who

12. what is your favourite breed of dog or cat?

I love all (but i like black cats)

13. list your top 5 favourite turtle names.

“Lester”, “freddy”, “toasty”, “first name petty, last name bitch”, and “laurence”

14. what job would you have if you could have it without going through all of the school or experience that is required?

I would be an architect

15. are there any names that you dislike so much that you would dislike the person with the name? what are those names?

I could never hate a name like that, only a person

16. what is your favourite letter?

M. Idk why I just picked a favorite letter for the first time, i love the way it feels + sounds in my mouth

17. are there any instruments you wished you played?Violin, piano, trumpet, harp, etc

18. list your best friends.BeccaFaithEvanDylan

19. would you rather be a skeleton or a ghost?

Definitely a ghost, are you kidding??

20. do you prefer fish or lizards/snakes? (as pets)

I love snakes, but I’ve gotta go with fish

21. art or music?

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa nooooooo i dont know fuccccckk art?

22. what is your favourite type of flower?

Purple Hyacinth

23. soup or salad?

Olive garden salad,,, soup otherwise

24. are you good at keeping plants alive?

frick yeah, I love me some green leafy bbs

25. do animals tend to like you?

I guess so? Not one has ever hated me?

26. what is the worst book you’ve ever read?

I don’t know, actually. Let’s go with that it was probably some free short erotica novel on iBooks, before I realized how bad they were

27. do you collect anything?

I used to collect bottle caps, like snapple, izze, beer, caps from bottles like that, but not anymore

28. how many pillows do you sleep with?

5 dont shade me

29. whats the latest you’ve ever woken up?

Like from night sleeping? 9 pm

30. how many pictures are on your walls?

Holy shit hang on i gotta count,,, okay i’m including ticket stubs, 66 pictures/posters/ stubs

31. what age did you stop keeping stuffed animals on your bed?

Um, yeah that’s definitely happened

32. what is your favourite candy?

SMARTIES BITCH HELL YEAH

33. what is your favourite baked good?

Brownies, or banana bread

34. do you have a camera? if so, what kind?

Heck yeah, Heather is a lovely brown Samsung NX3000, and I love my bb

35. do you wear jewelry?

Not really, a necklace + bracelet once in awhile

36. sunrise or sunset?

sunrise

37. do you like to listen to music with headphones or no headphones?

In a car/with big ass, quality speakers, or on headphones, only

38. what was your favourite show as a child?

electric company,, was so fucking good

39. describe your favourite spot in your house.

In my basement, on this free spot of spacey carpet, it’s open, cold, and blank, I go there to free my mind and to paint

40. do you like to be warm or cold?

Cold

41. the best joke you have.

No such thing, i steal the humour of those around me cuz i have none

42. whats the weirdest thing that you’ve seen happen in a public place?

An entire dick, just out. Chilling. Nobody said shit about it

43. CD or digital?

Honestly, cd, but it’s more convenient for digital

44. who do you miss right now?

General company rn tbh

45. if you could combine two places in the world, which two places would you choose?

I’d put Seattle in Italy

46. describe the worst substitute teacher you’ve ever had.

Yo, Mrs tatertots we called her. Fucking bitch. Our 5th grade teacher was on maternity leave for like practically the whole year, and left us with potato bitch. Racist motherfucker, hated children, why was she teaching?? WE DONT KNOW!!

47. do you believe horoscopes?

Yeah, usually tbh, I try to reasonably apply it to my life

48. are you spiritual?

No? Nothing is real? Be selfish to live life to the fullest?

49. describe your pets ( or family if you dont have pets )

MY PUPPERS!! Madagascar, or maddie, is a boxer lab mix, my precious baby, who needs to calm the fuck down most days, Arenal, or Ari, my lazy ass, White Blonde golden retriever doofus doggo

50. are you good at getting over mistakes?

Hahahahah no

#ask #answered #cute asks #my bae fai

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gmafbcm · 5 years

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Merry New Year!

I listen to a fucking ton of podcasts. Here are a few I don’t miss. Grouped but not ranked. Tried to include a favorite or representative episode for each. I don’t know what platform you listen to things on so I went with firm specific or top google results for each.

Finance: the bulk of my listening goes to my favorite topic

RopesTalk: Ropes and Gray does a great job of providing concise insight on legal issues primarily in finance and IP. Quick hit on CDS

Conversations with Tyler: I didn’t know where to put this one but Tyler Cowen is a great economist and has surprisingly good questions no matter the topic. Matt Levine is good one to start with

HBR Idea Cast: Long running pod from the Harvard Business Review. Here is this year’s econ Nobel winner Esther Duflo

Invest Like the Best: Patrick O'Shaughnessy of O'Shaughnessy Asset Management talks to investors of all stripes. Here is a great ep with @modestproposal

Macro Musings: David Beckworth of Mercatus Center at George Mason University talks econ and markets in depth. A good one with Chris Crowe from Capula

Macro Voices: the host Erik Townsend is not particularly impressive but he gets some fine guests. Chris Cole the CIO of Artemis has done two strong episodes both linked within

Exchanges at Goldman Sachs: amazing guest and interviewers across the board. Can’t go wrong with this one. The parting spot from Gary Cohn is very good

Morgan Stanley Ideas: discussions from the research team at MS. My favorite is when they examine “cypto currencies” through the lens of other pretend money like western Massachusetts’s BerkShares

Quantcast: from Risk.net if you really want to get into the weeds there are few better. Mats Kjaer, one of the most talented risk quants out there, formerly of Barclays now at Bloomberg shares his latest on capital valuation adjustment

Reorg: a go to for distressed, BK, liquidations, and debt litigation. A good example of what to expect is their latest on new issuance covenant trends

Top Traders Unplugged: a back and forth with more quant focused, CTA, and trend following traders. Not sure how they swung this one but they bagged the founders of a visionary shop AHL. Michael Adam, David Harding, founder and CEO of Winton Group, and Martin Lueck, co-founder and president of Aspect Capital

Debtwire: broad based coverage on levered finance throughout that side of the capital stack. Proskauer Rose’s private credit restructuring group is a good one

Blackstone: crab claws, you know the drill. Former partner and GSO founder Dwight Scott is a standout

Activist Insight: a look at all that happens in the primarily domestic side of activist investing. One to get you caught up is The top 10 wildest campaigns of 2019

Alpha Exchange: New but shows promise. The first episode hooked me Louis-Vincent Gave, CEO and Founding Partner, Gavekal

JP Morgan Eye on the Market: Michael Cemblast is razor sharp. It is rather topical and quick, just subscribe.

Capital Allocators: Ted Seides formerly one of the more influential names in early stage fund of funds talks with some of the biggest names in alternatives and more. Whitebox Advisors’s Andy Redleaf is amazing

Inside the Ice House: from ICE / NYSE very broad but worth a listen. John Arnold is the best one I have heard

Odd Lots: as often as I question some choices of guests Tracy Alloway is fantastic. Bill Janeway on the unicorn bubble

CFTC Talks: a bit dry but they bring in some hitters and do not mind deep diving at all. A good idea of what to expect is George Saravelos Deutsche Bank, Global Co-head FX Research

Barstool: not for everyone but I am a Stoolie since year one, a bunch of my friends work there, and they put out some of the funniest stuff on the internet. I had brutal year and couldn’t have handled it without their levity.

Pardon My Take: Number one podcast for a reason. Football guys guys. Produced by Scituate’s finest Handsome Hank. If you are one of the few not listening the best of 2019 is a fine dropping off point

Spittin Chiclets: hockey from the standpoint of both fans and former pros. Hosted by my summer neighbor and the originator of gassin’ beers and chuckin’ knucks Ryan Whitney. Doing another best of cop out

Fore Play: I don’t even play golf (rage and lack of patience) but this pod is so funny and they treat the game with an irreverence that is exactly what it needs. Jake Owens’s story about Phil Mickelson is perfection

Micks Tape: basketball focused but plenty of discussion of sports at large, stand-up comedy, and the only place I find out about new rap. It is a weird episode but I fell off a treadmill laughing to ‘All Star Draft and Wild Hypotheticals With YP’

Light Camera: where I go for movie reviews and some of the goofiest skits I have ever heard. I found their second interview with Jesse Eisenberg fascinating

The Corp: a look at entrepreneurs from Alex Rodriguez and Big Cat. Pulls some of the biggest names out there. Martha Stewart is a personal favorite

Gambling: it is derivative market making but for sports

Bet the Process: Rufus Peabody is one of the best football and golf handicappers on the planet. Jeff Ma former captain of the MIT blackjack team is as good at cross discipline analytics as it gets. Former head of market making at Pinnacle Ted Knutson bridges the finance / gambling bridge well

Pinnacle: gambling through the lens of the most quantitatively advanced sports book out there. In this ep Joe Peta discusses his overlapping careers in hedge funds and gambling

Gamble On: this pod from US Bets focuses on offshore and online gaming. Not a ton of shelf life on these so the latest on Draft Kings going public is worth a listen

Gaming Today: more of an old school discussion from the standpoint of Vegas bookmakers. They remind me of floor traders. Listen to the latest and try to find some edge

Misc.

Daves of Thunder: Feeney and Shek are two tremendously talented comedy writers and they make me laugh ever episode. I would start pre-hiatus from the top because the jokes get very inside baseball

Hodinkee: if you have any interest in vintage watches this is really the only place to go. Ben Clymer’s backstory is what watch collecting is all about

David Chang: insights on the food industry and running a business from a real pro in both regards. Joe Beef is one of my favorite places on earth so that is a good one to check

Brattlecast: books old and or rare. Ken Gloss owns my favorite shop in Boston and has decades of stories about it. Finds of a Lifetime is the goal

Bon Appétit: recipes and trends from the food world in a relaxed and approachable format. Just a delight. They made a perfect Thanksgiving, I stole two recipes and I barely cook

Beyond Yacht Rock: I have learned more about music from this show than in my years of formal training and symphony involvement. I would take it from the top but if you need a good cry, JD’s songs from his late wife is a touching tribute

Comedy Bang Bang: if you are in need of a good laugh instead this inside look at comedy is second to none. I relisten to Paul F. Tompkins as Werner Herzog and every time it kills me

All the Smoke: the newest addition gives a player perspective on the NBA from Stephen Jackson and Matty Barnes. It made me like Dwayne Wade which as a Celtics fan is tough

If there is anything you think I might enjoy based on these I would be pleased as punch to hear from you.

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givencontext · 5 years

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My Must-Own Albums

When I recently upgraded my cell phone I lost a lot of music that I had imported from my CD collection and transferred from computer to phone for years. I also lost one of my favorite audiobooks that I listen to repeatedly. This has me pondering if I should pull out the old CDs or if I should just pay for these again in a digital format that can live in the cloud. Of course, when it comes to music, I am also a subscriber, so I find myself making more playlists and stations and not buying albums. Sometimes I neglect my love of music because I am so busy listening to audiobooks, but lately I’ve been feeling prone to stress, depression, and panic attacks, so I’ve been giving my brain a break and busting out some of my favorite tunes.

I go to a lot of concerts. One my pro-tips is to look up the set list on setlist.fm and make a playlist of all the songs for all the bands for a show. This allows me to refresh myself on my favorite songs and brush up on the lesser known acts. I recently made this playlist for an upcoming Breaking Benjamin show. I had a ton of their albums on my old phone. I also recently saw Bush (playlist) and Gavin Rossdale asked how many people had their Sixteen Stone album. It was one of the first CDs I owned. All of this got me thinking about how we rarely buy or even stream entire albums anymore. I assume this changes the way albums are made, and I found this Forbes article that agrees with me.

Considering all of this, I wanted to reflect on some of the albums that shaped my life that I will always feel a need to own and listen to in album form. Most of these are motivated strictly by nostalgia with very little musical expertise behind my decision. Bear with me, then share your favorites in the comments.

The Grand Illusion – Styx

This is the first album I owned that didn’t have an image of Strawberry Shortcake or a Care Bear on it. One of my older sisters either gave this to me or left it behind when she moved out. Either way, it was mine, and it was sort of creepy and weird, and I loved it. Some of Styx’s greatest hits come from The Grand Illusion, but if you haven’t listened to the entire album, you are missing out. When I saw them in concert, I lost my mind when they started with the actual song “The Grand Illusion,” because I have attended a LOT of concerts and at the beginning of each one I have had this song in the back of my head…

Welcome to the Grand Illusion Come on in and see what’s happening Pay the price, get your tickets for the show!

I was seriously ecstatic. Plus, my tickets were free, but we all know there’s deeper meaning to that “pay the price” lyric, don’t we? If I could see Styx perform this album from beginning to end, that would seriously be a highlight of my life, but starting their show with this familiar old favorite that started the album definitely took me back to my childhood. This album is almost as old as I am, and we both still have a lot going for us. I recently woke up with Fooling Yourself stuck in my head, and my family only thought it mildly weird that I was busting my moves to it while making my breakfast. Every song on this album is wonderful, and there are only eight of them. If you want your kids to grow up appreciating music, introduce them to this Styx album early.

Licensed to Ill – Beastie Boys

If you were a teenager in the late 80’s/early 90’s, chances are you already own this and have owned numerous copies of it over the years in various formats. This was a monumental album for me, because, let’s face it, I was a (lower) middle class white girl growing up in a small town in Arkansas. Thank god for the little while that our cable company provided MTV, because it introduced us to things like this. Brooklyn was like a foreign country to me, and showing a rap video that featured a guitar solo by Slayer’s Kerry King… let’s just say this was a brilliant way to capture the attention of my metal head friends.

This is one of those albums that I listened to end-to-end so many times that when I hear a song from this album when it ends I automatically start to sing the next song. Paul Revere is probably my favorite rap song ever. I have no shame. I am sure there are better songs and better albums, but this was literally the soundtrack to so much of my youth. It’s a keeper.

Doolittle – The Pixies

I first learned of the Pixies when a boy put “Here’s Comes Your Man” on a mix tape for me, and I still wasn’t sure if this boy liked me or not… I just thought he had killer taste in music. To be frank, no one ever liked me, so assuming he didn’t like me was perfectly reasonable. It was also reasonable to buy Doolittle on my next trip to the “record store” and proceed to wear that cassette out. This is an album that runs like one big, long, complicated song to me. You start with Debaser, end with Gouge Away, and everything in between is sort of a blur. But it’s awesome. When I listen to my iPhone music on shuffle and it gives me just one song from this album, it’s just weird. You have to listen to the whole thing.

True Blue – Madonna

I have never listened to much pop music, but EVERYONE listened to Madonna. This was new when I was about 10 years old, so I have no idea how I came up with the money or got to the store to buy this cassette, but I owned this and listened to it nonstop. I even sang these songs over the phone to my very first boyfriend. He must have thought I was really cool… because he eventually married me. Thanks, Madonna!

An Innocent Man – Billy Joel

This is another one that someone gave me. My dad was a Walmart truck driver, and working for Walmart meant we got to go to the “Sample Store.” One glorious day my mom came home from the Sample Store with a reasonably sized boom box and a cassette. This was an official upgrade from my record player, because I could take it outside! Nevermind that it had a nice big “S” melted into the side of it to designate it as a sample… my music just got portable! Thank goodness my mom had the foresight to understand that a portable cassette player called for a cassette! She probably picked whichever one was cheapest, but however it happened, she brought home Billy Joel. This was prior to whatever spending spree helped me get True Blue. Let’s just say that my friends and cousins were subjected to a LOT of Billy Joel. I might still remember the dance we choreographed to Uptown Girl.

State of Euphoria – Anthrax

Now, when we start to get into metal, we run the risk of this list going on and on and on, so I will wrap up today’s list with State of Euphoria and let’s assume there might be a related post somewhere in our future. This was not my first metal album, and it doesn’t necessarily tie to any significant event in my life. I never even saw Anthrax in concert until a few years ago. This is just a really good album, and I have been listening to it for 30 years. I think this was the album that made me realize how smart heavy metal could be. It includes references to books I had read and movies I had seen. I was 100% certain that me and these guys would have been friends. It also had a brilliant song that used the F word a lot. To my 12 year old self, this was glorious. But I could play the A side of this album without getting in trouble, and I played it so much that my mom would hum along to Be All, End All. This is just a brilliant album that every metal fan should own.

Do you have a list of must-own albums? What are you listening to lately? Leave a comment and let me know!

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d-noona · 4 years

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BARTERED BRIDE

Chapter 2: A Little Push

Kim Namjoon is a ruthless financier used to buying and selling stocks, shares and priceless artifacts. But now Namjoon has his eye on a very different acquisition - Park Han Byeol. Left destitute by her father’s recent death, Han Byeol walks into Namjoon’s bank looking to extend her overdraft. As Han Byeol needs money and Namjoon needs a wife, he proposes the perfect deal: he’ll rescue her financially if she agrees to marry him. But in this marriage of convenience can Han Byeol ever be anything more than just a bartered bride?

She was on her way to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee when someone pressed the front-door buzzer. Answering it, Han Byeol found a bike messenger outside.

“Miss Park?”

“Yes?” she answered. “Big Hit X-Press, Package for you. Would you please sign for it?” Han Byeol wrote her name on the form and took the padded bag. There was nothing to indicate where it came from, only a plain white label with her name and address printed on it. Perhaps it was something she had ordered and forgotten about.

She thanked the pretty bike messenger, reading her name on her tag "Zil" to make sure she's appreciated, closed the door and walked back to the living room pulled the tab that opened the bag and peered at the contents, immediately recognizing the file Kim Namjoon had said was a resume of his life. Now there was a sheet of headed paper clipped to the cover. Aiming at the sofa, Han Byeol flung the package from her. As soon as she had her coffee, she’d find some sticky tape and a label, send the file back, un-stamped, with UNSOLICITED UNWANTED BUMPH written above the address.

She decided to phone for pizza and concentrate on the job in hand. During the evening she would call her mother, her mother didn’t know about the interview she had with Namjoon. Han Byeol felt it best not to mention it. She’d been trying to play down the financial side of her situation. Her supper arrived sooner than she expected. But when she opened the door, it wasn’t the pizza delivery man who stood outside. It was Kim Namjoon.

Han Byeol’s friendly expression froze into a mask of dislike. “What do you want?” she said curtly. “I thought you might have calmed down a little by now.” Says Namjoon. “I haven’t. I’m busy” she started to shut the door but he put a foot across the threshold and the flat of his hand on the door to hold it open. She had never expected to herself saying ‘How dare you” to anyone but it was what sprung from her lips, followed by a “Get out!”

“I’m not inside yet,” he said blandly. “We have things to talk about. May I come in?”

“We have nothing to say to each other. You have no right to pester me like this. If you don’t go away, I’ll call the security man and have you thrown off the premises” the further time passing Han Byeol’s annoyance started increasing. “On what grounds?” he dared say. “Making a nuisance of yourself!”

He stepped into the hallway. To her chagrin, Han Byeol let him, she had not much of an option. He was far too large and muscular for her to use physical means to deny him access, she had muscles of her own, but not in the same class as his. He had looked a strong man in his office, but that might have been partly good tailoring. Now that he had changed out of his city suit into chinos and a dark blue cashmere sweater over a cotton shirt, it was clear that the breadth of his shoulders over nothing to clever padding.

“How do I know that? You’ve already shown signs of derangement.” She says nonchalantly “Not really. I’ll admit to being unconventional. You’ll get used to it.” He glanced around the hall and then with a gesture at the open door of the living room, said “After you.” Having no choice but to act on her threat or let him speak his piece, Han Byeol walked ahead of him. If he expected to be invited to sit down, he could think again. Grinding her teeth, she saw that she had left the file on the low glass-topped table in front of the sofa. Even worse, it was open, proving she had looked through it. But the first thing that caught his eye wasn’t the file but the half-full glass wine, her second, she had left by the telephone.

“Because I want to marry you? Even if they don’t wish to say yes, most women regard a proposal as a compliment” he says. Han Byeol quirked her brows up “Not when it comes from a stranger who regards women as chattels.”

“There are cultures where it’s the custom for girls not to even see the face of their husband’s face until after marriage ceremony. Marriage is a practical institution. It’s because our culture ignores that we have so many divorces. Wouldn’t you rather stay married?” Han Byeol scoffs at this. “I am not interested in marriage, certainly not you.”

Ignoring the hint, he said, “You ought to keep your door chained until you see who your caller is.”

“Normally I do. It’s only because I thought you were the man with the pizza that you were able to barge in” Han Byeol replied. “That was lucky…for me.” He began to look round the room, taking in the color scheme, the books and paintings, and the mirrors. Han Byeol loved mirrors, especially antique ones. As a child, her favorite book had been a copy, inherited from her grandmother, of Through The Looking Glass. Somehow the wrong way around view seen through a mirror always looked than what was really happening around her. She had often wished she could step through the frame of a mirror into a world where things we the same but different. Her parents’ marriage a happy one and herself a model pupil like her elder sister. “Nice room. Who designed it?” asked Namjoon.

“A pizza’s a poor sort of supper, especially if you’re eating alone. Let me buy you a decent dinner and try to convince you that my plan makes a lot of sense, then, if you like, I’ll give you a hand packing.” While Namjoon continues to survey the room without looking at her. “ABSOLUTELY NOT. No way!” Han Byeol said emphatically, but not with much hope he would accept her refusal. He didn’t, “No to dinner, or no to help with the packing?”

“No to both and no to everything. Have another look through some magazines and pick some other woman. I am not for sale, Mr. Kim” she says indignantly.

“Do you like music?” he asked.

Disconcerted by the seemingly irrelevant question, she said “Some music, yes.”

“Have you heard of Min Suga?” he continues.

"Never heard of him.” It was an exaggeration. She had heard the name but that was the limit of her knowledge. “He was a Korean composer who lived in the last century. His most important work was done in Prague, helping to form a national opera. He had a nasty end. Went deaf and died insane.”

“If I wanted to know about the lives of obscure composers I’d borrow a book from the library.” Han Byeol is starting to get pissed. “Is reading one of your pleasures?” replied by the man. “Yes, as it happens, it is. But –“

“That’s good. It’s one of mine and I have a large private library.” Feeling her temper starting to simmer, Han Byeol said patiently, “I shouldn’t think it includes the kind of book I enjoy and if Min Suga is one of your favorite composers your cd collection would send me to sleep. I had enough of that stuff in musical appreciation sessions at school. I only like pop music.”

It wasn’t true. She had thought that if she was to share her love for classical music this might put the man to further push his determination on marrying her. Not visibly deterred, he said “The reason I mentioned Min Suga is because his most famous opera was called THE BARTERED BRIDE. BARTER, The exchange of goods, was how people traded before money was invented, I am not trying to buy you Han Byeol. I am however proposing a trade-off. Things I need, for the things you need. Are you sure you won’t change your mind and come out to dinner?”

“Definitely not….”

“Thanks for the warning. I’ll take the phone off the hook.” She snapped and let himself out.

#BTS #BANGTAN SONYEONDAN #BTSRM #BTSLEADER #KIM NAMJOON #JOONIE #NAMJOONIE #RMXLEADER #KIMNAMJOONXREADER #JOONBUG #BARTERED BRIDE #BTSFANFIC #BTSROMANTICFANFIC

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americanahighways · 5 years

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By Jeff Burger

Imagine a graph with two lines, one showing the rising net worth of Baby Boomers over the past half century, the other indicating how the size or price of music box sets has risen over the same period. The two lines, one suspects, would be rather parallel. Remember the days when a three-LP collection was a big deal? Now we have releases like Bob Dylan’s The 1966 Live Recordings(36 discs, a bargain at about $90) and Pink Floyd’s The Early Years(28 discs, plus assorted odds and ends, around $500), not to mention all the gigantic—and gigantically priced—anthologies that issue from Germany’s Bear Family label.

And then there are the recordings that have preserved material from the legendary 1969 Woodstock festival. First, a year after the concert, came what seemed at the time like a massive triple-album film soundtrack. A two-disc collection of tracks that hadn’t made it into the movie soon followed. The event’s 25th anniversary, in 1994, brought a four-CD package with lots more music while the 40th anniversary witnessed the release of The Woodstock Experience, a 10-CD box containing complete performances by five artists.

But that wasn’t the end of it. Now—for you hedge-fund managers out there—comes a 38-CD, 432-track set called Woodstock: Back to the Garden—The 50th Anniversary Archive. It will set you back $800, which is considerably more than the $21 (about $147, adjusted for inflation) that some people paid for tickets to the actual three-day event. (The festival was ultimately declared to be free, so many attendees paid nothing.)

The set is limited to 1,969 numbered copies (get it?), which are available directly from the Rhino label. Alternatively, you can opt for a new 10-CD $150 version, which unlike any earlier releases includes performances by every performer at the festival. There’s also a $150 five-disc vinyl set and a $35 three-CD edition.

Your interest level—not to mention the size of your wallet and how soon the big box sells out—will determine whether you buy any of these collections and, if so, which one. But the 38-CD edition is quite something. If the Woodstock festival has meaning for you and/or you care about the lion’s share of its performers, it is well worth considering, despite the eye-popping price tag. It gives you just about everything from the festival except the mud, the rain, and the traffic jams.

Virtually all the performances by all the artists featured in the concert are here in chronological order, plus lots of stage announcements. (I say “virtually,” because one Sha Na Na song is missing due to a tape gap and Jimi Hendrix’s estate asked that two of his numbers be cut for “aesthetic reasons.” Look for all three of these performances on the inevitable 100th anniversary edition.) Total playing time is almost 36 hours, and that includes nearly 20 hours (267 tracks) of previously unreleased material. Some of the acts here were not represented at all on earlier Woodstock releases; others that showed up only briefly on the earlier albums are allotted a full disc or even two.

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The set comes in a screen-printed wooden box along with a replica of the show program, 8×10 prints by rock photographer Henry Diltz, a Blu-ray copy of the movie about the festival, and assorted other goodies, including a leather guitar strap, a reproduction of an attendee’s handwritten diary, and a hardcover book that’s loaded with interesting details.(The Jeff Beck Group with Rod Stewart, the Moody Blues, and Iron Butterfly were all booked to perform but cancelled, for example; Melanie wasn’t scheduled but wound up playing, anyway.)

If you didn’t attend the festival, you probably associate it just with the music you saw in the film or perhaps with what you heard on one of the modestly sized earlier anthologies, which not only featured inferior audio but incorporated all sorts of fake sound effects, deceptive edits, and even performances that didn’t actually come from the Woodstock event. If so, you’re in for a treat—actually, lots of them. The music was arguably not as revelatory at the time as that at the earlier Monterey Pop Festival. But much of it is nevertheless excellent; and given how famous the Woodstock event is and the fact that it was virtually all preserved on tape, it’s amazing how much of that music has not been heard for half a century.

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There are far too many highlights to mention them all here, but Jefferson AIrplane’s nearly two-hour set—which includes a 22-minute version of “Wooden Ships” and a 16-minute take on “The Ballad of You & Me & Pooneil”—is terrific. So are the performances by Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, the Who (performing much of the then recently released Tommy), and many others. And what a kick to hear full concerts by Tim Hardin (backed by two future members of the great jazz group Oregon) and the unjustly obscure Bert Sommer.

Not surprisingly in a collection this big, not everything is a gem. Country Joe, for example, delivers an engaging solo set but a later performance with the Fish mixes good stuff with a few bona fide bombs.

Listening to this box set, you’re continually reminded that Woodstock happened a full half century ago—and that a lot has changed since then. For one thing, so many of these performers are no longer with us: Sommer, Hardin, Hendrix, and Joplin are gone, for example, as are Richie Havens, Joe Cocker, Johnny Winter, Keef Hartley, three members of both the Band and Jefferson Airplane, and two members of both the Who and the Grateful Dead.

For another, well, just listen to the evocative stage announcements that are sprinkled throughout the first 37 discs and that fill much of the 38th. They conjure up a world that seems totally foreign today, not to mention a great deal of LSD use. The brown acid is “not specifically too good,” we’re told, while the flat blue acid is “poison…that’s deadly serious, man,” and takers of the green acid are advised to head straight for the hospital tent. On the other hand, the Jefferson Airplane’s Grace Slick announces from the stage that “we got a whole lot of orange and it was fine. Still is fine.”

Woodstock is remembered as the last big manifestation of the hippie dream before it started to fade with events like California’s Altamont concert, less that four months later. That’s understandable: there was a lot of positivity at Woodstock and a lot of music about peace and love; and half a million people really did get along for three days without any major disasters.

But it’s not just the announcements about bad acid here that hint at something less than total harmony and bliss. There are repeated (and apparently largely ignored) pleas for people to move away from areas where they are obscuring views for others or posing danger to themselves, for example. And there’s the time Yippie Abbie Hoffman jumps onstage in the middle of the Who’s set to proclaim, “I think this is a pile of shit while [White Panther Party leader] John Sinclair rots in prison!” Replies Pete Townshend: “Fuck off my fucking stage!”

The producers worked on assembling this collection since 2005, and the job wasn’t easy. As coproducer Andy Zax reports in the accompanying book: “Reconstructing the Woodstock audio has been a long series of challenges, the most time-consuming of which has been the seemingly basic job of figuring out where everything is. Eric Blackstead’s liner notes on the back cover of the original Woodstock soundtrack mention that the original set of Woodstock tapes consisted of 65 multitrack reels (the actual number was probably slightly higher), but that doesn’t include the additional 100 or so soundboard reels the crew recorded. There was never a single moment when all of those reels were assembled in one place. Some were removed before the festival had even ended. Still more tapes were sent to various labels, managers, and the artists themselves. Others just vanished.”

Once Zax and coproducer Steve Woodard located everything and put it in chronological order, they faced the additional large task of cleaning up the sound, which they did masterfully. Clearly, they treated the material as the valuable historical artifact that it is. One evidence of their attention to detail is in the liner notes, where they apologize for the sound quality of Melanie’s set (which isn’t really all that bad) and explain that while they’ve included all the festival’s live music, licensing difficulties prevented them from also featuring the recordings that were played over the sound system between sets. (They do name them, however, for the sake of any fanatics who’d like to replicate that experience at home.).

What is included is a ton of great music. And you won’t even need an umbrella to stay dry while you experience it.

__________________________________

Jeff Burger’s website, byjeffburger.com, contains more than four decades’ worth of music reviews and commentary. His books include the recently published Dylan on Dylan: Interviews and Encounters as well as Lennon on Lennon: Conversations with John Lennon, Leonard Cohen on Leonard Cohen: Interviews and Encounters, and Springsteen on Springsteen: Interviews, Speeches, and Encounters.

A Gargantuan Box Set Celebrates 1969’s Legendary Woodstock Festival @andyzax @rhino_records @byjeffburger #woodstock #woodstock50 @woodstockfest By Jeff Burger Imagine a graph with two lines, one showing the rising net worth of Baby Boomers over the past half century, the other indicating how the size or price of music box sets has risen over the same period.

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