#i may be small but... ( musings )

[anyakissrr]

gender bent Alex bale. I call her alexa bale

my queen! I love her…

[lususnatura]

alright, but... blamore placing one of his infamous trenchcoats™ (LOL i kid, i kid. they're not really infamous, but they are usually pretty colorful) over your muses shoulders and it being huge on them because It Is 6'6"? this is another kind of roleplay i want to do on here, MMM. like somebody's got to let him protect them from the cold but also drown them in its jacket, right? LMAO

[sunnibits]

hello hello here is my legally obligated Art Vs. Artist for 2023!!

I struggled a bit more with inspiration and motivation this year, but I still managed to make some art that I’m proud of and enjoyed creating! I did a fair bit of OC art, contributed to Art Fight, had an unexpected amount of fun painting eggs, and of course still had time to squeeze in some slutty Izzy art <3 (albeit not nearly as much as last year).

all in all, a bit of a random mix this year, but I’m hoping to make more progress and regain some proper inspiration in 2024 :))

as always, thank you a million times to everyone who supports my art (especially to those who supported me opening my brand new inprnt shop!!) I truly mean it when I say every comment, every reblog, and every sweet message means the world to me <333 I’m eternally grateful :)

[mad-hunts]

thinking about barton doing baby talk to his kids, even though he was eighteen when marcy gave birth to both matilda + louis and thus was a COMPLETELY different person, is honestly both super surreal to me and also surprisingly... sort of makes sense. because barton can NOT bring himself to be mean around babies; i mean at all, and this man loved his kids so much, which 😭 well — let me just say that his behavior has greatly changed since then, to say the least. though barton still believes he loves them in his 'own way'

[velvetvexations]

Granted I do have one thing I've told exactly two people because I'm beyond terrified of it being so cringe as to lower people's respect for me by a significant amount. Like, it's nothing illegal or even illegal adjacent, nothing sexual or anything like that, literally just cringe.

But like, I think if I told you (I'm not going to tell you) you'd be like "oh, yeah, yeah, it makes total sense to be scared of that, obviously, damn."

[bates--boy]

[galaxythixf]

@icarusplunged's Sakura wished upon a Shooting Star!

"Aw, you actually called me by name! You're really getting the hang of this, Sakura!"

[aparticularbandit]

ah, this is the beginning of bandit changes all of the name changes that were made in the rough draft.

[ymir-heart]

Emma Appleton, 32, cis woman, she/her We are so glad to see you safe, SIGNORIA GABRIELLE DI LEONE of FLORENCE! It’s dangerous out in the world these days, but I hear that you are PROTECTIVE and OVERACHIEVER enough to handle it. Just don’t let your ARROGANT bring you down! Stay on your guard, because with your secret being at risk for exposure, you wouldn’t want everyone to find out SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MURDER OF HER STEP-BROTHER, AND HAD NUMEROUS AFFAIRS OVER THE YEARS. {Behind the account : Ymir, 29, EST, she/her}

Name : Gabrielle Di Leone Age : 30, October 23rd. Height : 6'4 / 193 cm Build : Muscular Eye colors : Dark Brown Gender : Cis Woman Sexual Orientation : Lesbian Monogamy or Polyamory : Both work Titles : Signoria & Lord of Florence, reknown fencing Champion & according to some, a War Hero. Distinct signs : A scar crossing the outer-end of her right eyebrow, a cut which lines up perfectly with the cut which crosses her upper and lower lip at their center, leaning diagonally towards the right. Additional traits : Flirty, Uncompromising, Caring, Vengeful, Immoral, Playful, Daring, Intelligent, Dominant, Confrontational.

BACKGROUND

( death tw ; murder tw ; war tw ; mistreatment tw )

I.

If there were celebrations when Gabrielle was born, she has no memory of them. Her most distant memories are those with her mother and especially of her absence. She has no positive memories of her, only anger and plenty of grief. There was nothing a child could do to ease the pain her mother seemed to feel. Her first clear, precise and very complete memory was of her mother the day she wished her farewell and never returned. Inexplicably, she left in secret at dawn surrounded by mist. Gabrielle was emotionless, her heart didn't know how to react. Her father was absent after the tragedy, he made no attempt to alleviate his child's pain. It was her father's closest friend who allowed her to open up. He was one of the greatest swordsmen of Europe, something that certainly caught Gabrielle's interest. Her father raised her like an adult from day one, with the same standards she could not possibly meet, as well as the same punishments. The only child of Lord Di Leone was no stranger to her family's strengths, the numerous iron, silver and even gold mines they owned. The manpower they could mobilize to achieve great things was the signature of the family. Miners and metal workers knew them well.

II.

Taller and stronger than other children her age, she fell victim to her father's unfairness and cruelty. Supposedly, it was because she could take it. And yet she persisted, so much so that at a young age her father found a purpose for her. She was sent to various foreign courts for many years. Thid effort was in hope to build relationships between the Di Leone family and other noble families. There she met numerous girls her age, girls blessed in ways Gabrielle was not, and for that reason many fell victim to Gabrielle's bullying. It was her own misguided affection and discontent blended into one.

III.

Gabrielle was a rebel at heart, a rule breaker, a wild animal. Always has been and always will be. Touching the flame she shouldn't has always been in her veins. She grew up with contempt for authority outside her own, because the main authority in her life was one wielded by a heartless father. Yet her years abroad were about far more than the courts, her father sent his closest friend and advisor, one of the greatest swordsmen of Europe with her to train her. She did her best to be useful with a blade. And useful she was, since by the time she became an adult, her teacher could no longer keep up with her. In the meantime, she learned something else she cared about, an instrument called the violin.

IV.

As she grew up, the talents she developped gave her the confidence she needed, but also the reminder that she was far more than what her father told her for so many years. Each achievement marked a new way to hate her father a little more. The blame for her mother's disappearance haunted her, it was a scar that she could not heal, a loss she could not mourn, a question without an answer. She did more, always more, because she needed to prove her tyrant wrong in every way she knew how. She even had the time to win a grand royal tournament before her return to Florence.

V.

Once an adult, she was sent back to Florence for the mariage of her father and the eventual birth of her step-brother, immediately named heir. Her size, combat skills and her tense relationship with her father led to a predictable outcome, she was sent with the private military partnering with her father in various skirmishes abroad. He just could not stand the sight of her, he hated her the more she looked like her mother.

VI.

She fought for a few years, all for political reasons she did not care about whatsoever. There she saw carnage, violence and death. Both around her and by her own hands. She was not an officer or bearing some honorific title far at the back, but instead a simple ground soldier at the frontline. There, in the mud, her high social rank meant nothing. The day she returned to Florence, she received no praise, no rewards, no recognition. She was received as if she never left. Her reward was, in the end, the scars her body now bears. The soldiers who fought by her side on the other hand, they acclaimed her as a war hero. From that day onward, she lived only for three things, her own gain, freedom and pleasure. The wishes of her father were now meaningless and her obedience was no more.

VII.

Travelling the world was the best freedom she could dream of, and so she did just that. A sense of home did not exist as long as her father still lived and still ruled. Gabrielle did not spend the rest of her 20s near the nobility for the politics, as much as for the women she could charm around it. She rapidly solidified her reputation as a wife stealer and a seducer. Despite her numerous affairs everywhere she travelled, the handsome Di Leone was not blessed with a true love story that could last.

VIII.

Adventures, women and defending her fencing champion title, those were the extent of Gabrielle's priorities for some time. It is only when her father fell ill that the ambitions that once existed within her were awoken once more. Gabrielle is not a simple woman, existing is one thing, but having a goal will always haunt her. She tried to silence the echo of her thoughts of revenge, which she called justice. And yet the goal to surpass her father, to step on him, to beat him in the end, it came back. One last fight. She returned to Florence and did the unthinkable, she drowned her younger step-brother in his bath. Without an heir and on the brink of death, the lord's hands were tied. Yes, for once. Finally, Gabrielle could look down upon the worthless man that ruled over her. Her tyrant, her ruler, her monster, no more. As he relinquished his power to her, she made it hers. And with his stare of disdain for her, she found perhaps a clue as to why her mother disappeared. But why leave her behind? Why? Why?

IX.

To her great discontent, she suddenly drowned in responsibilities she could no longer avoid by sailing away. And yet, to her great pleasure, she became the new Signoria of Florence, as well as one of the most eligible bachelor of this part of the world. Freedom was hers. Her first act as lord was simply to build a bonfire with every painting she could find containing her father and or his name. Which is why you will not find it in this introduction. As for her mother, maybe someday she could forgive herself for what she did not understand, but not today.

PERSONALITY

UNDER CONSTRUCTION abc

x

CONNECTION IDEAS

PAST AFFAIRS , FWB & ONE NIGHT STANDS — "Wife Stealer" and "Seducer" would describe very well Gabrielle's journey in recent years in various courts of the world. She has traveled extensively and rarely spent too long with an empty bed  —  she does differentiate herself from the common charmers of the nobility. She treats her partners with care, she is protective of them. Those who fall into her arms are never used. She almost never speaks of it, but she is a romantic at heart, she simply has yet to find what she is looking for. The heart stealing rebel, fierce and flirty... or the unwanted child turned passionate lover, those are two sides of the same coin.

BUSINESS PARTNERS WITH THE DI LEONE — The Di Leone mines are a powerful force of Florence, the raw fertile soil from which a family was able to build and expand a far reaching enterprise. The iron, silver and gold mines, now owned by the last remaining Di Leone, have partners of all backgrounds. The possibilities are vast and can range broadly.

FENCING-SWORDPLAY APPRENTICES — Gabrielle has taught many people how to use a blade over the years, she has stopped when she became Signoria. As a champion and an expert of her craft, she is to this day one of the most sought after teacher for the nobility.

FORMER BULLYING VICTIM — As a young child and teenager, Gabrielle bullied many young noble people her age, especially girls. It was mostly an inability to express her jealousy, her feelings of abandonment, as well as her attraction to girls her age. Whether any of these people have held grudges or developed sympathy for her, it is up to them.

[virulentharlot]

Seven deadly sins

Bold those that apply to your muse:

Lust: desire for connection, pursuit of pleasure, emotional intelligence, obsessive, lovesick, one-night stand, seductive encounter, flirtatious conversation, erotic party, seductive attire, revealing clothing, passionate gaze, provocative makeup, sensual expressions, suggestive gestures, flirtatious smiles, lingerie, love letters, perfumes, provocative behavior, love poems, erotic art

Gluttony: indulgence in experiences, savoring moments, hospitality, generosity, hedonism, culinary expertise, wine tasting, excessive snacking, overloaded plates, excessive portions, bloated stomachs, messy eating, greasy fingers, full tables, indulgent spreads, overflowing cups, satisfied expressions, wine bottles, can't get enough, fast food wrappers

Envy: motivation, competitive spirit, strategic planning, observational skills, bitter, rivalry contest, envious gossip, resentment-filled argument, social media jealousy, furrowed brows, clenched jaws, side-eye looks, pursed lips, tense posture, whispering behind backs, crossed arms, gossip magazines, keeping up with the Joneses, the grass is always greener, feeling inadequate

Greed: resourcefulness, entrepreneurial spirit, negotiation, materialistic, aggressive investment, lavish spending spree, resource hoarding, get-rich-quick scheme, auction bidding war, property acquisition, piles of money, overflowing wallets, luxury items, locked safes, penny-pinching, rare collectibles, selfishness, unwillingness to share

Sloth: calmness, stress management, nonchalance, relaxation techniques, lethargic, apathetic, inactive, lazy weekend, binge-watching marathon, neglected chores, skipped workout, long nap, lounging on the couch, missed deadline, unkempt appearance, messy hair, pajamas, blankets, slippers, procrastination station, self-care routines

Pride: confidence, self-assurance, self-respect, dignity, public speaking, self-promotion, arrogant, conceited, egotistical, self-important, vain, boastful speech, puffed chest, raised chin, smug smiles, spotlight, tooting your own horn, showing off, refusing to admit mistakes, feeling entitled, personal branding, leadership development

Wrath: assertiveness, decisiveness, strength, intensity, boundary setting, courage, indignant, heated argument, road rage incident, physical altercation, angry outburst, clenched fists, glaring eyes, tense muscles, raised voices, reddened faces, aggressive gestures, stormy demeanor, intense frowns, destructive actions, broken objects, punching bag, out for blood, fists, simmering anger

Tagged by: Taken from @naru-uzumaki!

[myvirtuesuncounted]

i just got my first big paycheck!!

[yuelun]

Apparently when I send birthday asks, they're never "small gifts". My muses go all out.

[stardustedstories]

Excuse me while I CRY as more B.SG muses pop up. It's not just me anymore!

[bravewolfvesperia]

/ realized I forgot to put this in my bio and will add it later but

heads up that my Yuri is a combination of JP Yuri and dub Yuri, but primarily JP. there's a whole lot of nuance to Yuri that got left out of the dub (and seeing as he has waaay more content in JP due to the vast amount of crossovers/Tales crossovers/gachas he's in, it's a lot easier to keep Toriumi's take on him (and in depth understanding no less!) in mind). overall you get the same general person, but the dub left out a lot more his casual/playful side in vocal tone, preferring to go for the "edgy cool adult" concept despite, well, the JP version of him intentionally being quite opposite.

(on another note, context I use for Yuri involves nuances found in the drama CDs that are a condensed retelling of the game (before some original stuff) as well as his childhood novel which has voiced dialogue for his child and teen years. this post covers the game, but a lot of (especially internal) stuff for my muse may be heavily affected by his backstory too which is unfortunately completely absent in the actual game itself)

there's also a lot of back and forth between him and other characters that really lost their depth in the dub (ex. Yuri being much more gentle and soft with early game Karol when Karol was convinced nobody would believe him and that he was a failure, or his banter with Flynn being a lot more relaxed and significantly less annoyed with a better understanding of each other). I'll be retaining anything the dub yeeted out for whatever odd reason regarding his relationships.

(one particular grievance of mine is in the Flynn jailbreak scene, where Yuri is basically saying "you're just dying to abandon me" and Flynn starts off with "that's right" before basically saying the same thing - i.e. they both know it's not true and Flynn is going along with it because That's Them, to which Yuri responds with a solid and fully accepting "yeah" (no hesitation, no concern over it, as he prioritizes Flynn's life over his own).

another extremely strong grievance I have is the port scene - oops also with Flynn - where he's basically holding back tears asking for answers in desperation, which was extremely if not outright completely lost in the dub where he only sounds angry and not just utterly hurt. dub Yuri? I could believe he might kill Flynn if it came to that. JP Yuri? forget it, he would hold back at the last second and couldn't go through with it. that's genuinely the level of difference that was present between both audios.

that said, I love Troy Baker's performance itself - I just think he was unfortunately deeply incorrectly directed for several of his major scenes, and also unfortunately, some of those cases were involving some of his most important relationships)

if any of y'all play Vespy any time soon, I fully recommend giving it a shot with its original context at least once (if you're playing the DE version there's an option for JP audio)! even if you don't understand JP, at the very least the tone won't be lost on you! from what I've heard apparently there wasn't much communication between the directors on both sides, so a lot of Yuri got lost in the localization (and Karol's screaming is glorious in JP lbh).

tl;dr Yuri really is just a silly little guy and he's really not that cool or serious. he's a dork. he's a dummy. and he's easily embarrassed about it. get deep enough into his feelings for Flynn when they're not in a life or death situation and he'll completely cave in embarrassment.

[everythingsinred]

what follows is a long, rambly, and possibly sappy thank you note to the best fandom ive ever involved myself in. if you have ever sent me an ask, commented on my fics, or replied to a post i made (or even liked it tbh)--then this post is for you. (and this is most certainly not a good-bye or even close; i just occasionally get into sappy moods)

i want to start working on a career that i like, and my mom’s recommendation was to start a writing blog (she insisted i dont call it that though--to call it a “website” so it sounds more professional when i apply for writing gigs). its not the first time shes given me that advice but i have for some reason always resisted that idea before. “nobody would read it” was always the bottom line. that whole “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has always been my outlook on anything i produce. its why i feel so poorly whenever i post a new chapter of a fic or any art ever. its why im taking so long on the next batch of ga essays. its why ive never formally submitted any writing ever for publishing. why would anyone read anything i have to write, especially with no dead fandom to prompt them? who would choose me out of all the aspiring writers out there?

for ga it was a bit easier after a bit of breaking through the initial anxiety of sharing bits of myself. its a small fandom. not much content going around. theyd take anything right? even if it was from me! 

but something really weird happened these past few years in the ga fandom. i started writing essays and became more vocal, posting my thoughts, writing a long, dark, fucked up fanfic. i got feedback from people who wanted more from me. theyd ask me my thoughts on things, when id never considered myself an authority on anything or even very interesting to talk to (a lifetime of being the substitute friend will do that to you). ppl sent me asks about questions. they replied to my posts to further discuss things. me! what on earth?

then it got weirder. i posted my weird messed up little fic and now every once in a while ill get a comment from a person that says that my fic is their favorite, not just in the fandom, but ever. EVER. what? a couple of people have told me that they’d read anything i wrote, even if it had nothing to do with gakuen alice.

that they’d read something just because it was me.

this isnt a rant or a vent. something has changed in my self esteem in the past few years because today, when my mom told me i should start a “writing website” and post weekly writing, it actually sounded like a decent idea. no part of her advice was different than it had ever been, but i was. i could for the first time imagine starting a blog (website) and picture someone actually liking what they found there. and that’s bc of the ga fandom and bc of the writing ive done it for it and SPECIFICALLY the writing ive actually had the guts to share. 

none of it has been perfect. im lazy when it comes to self-editing and when i finish writing a chapter im eager to just throw it out there instead of rereading it once, let alone twice. a lot of it has been imperfect, but you guys still read it. you enjoyed it, even. “it has to be perfect to make up for the fact that it’s me” has never been a problem for you. for whatever reason, quite a few of you like me, like my writing, like my ideas and thoughts. a couple of years ago i wouldnt have been able to fathom that, not even in my wildest dreams. 

im proud of myself for taking those first steps a couple years back, for posting those first couple posts and letting myself get involved in the fandom for a manga ive loved for half my life. im proud because if i hadnt done that, then maybe my self esteem wouldnt have developed like this. maybe i wouldnt have been able to picture a career in publishing as clearly as i can now. i obviously still have issues as far as my self esteem is concerned. i second-guess myself. i talk down to myself. i put off rereading bc i dont want to hate what i create. but you guys have helped me like my writing and helped me see that other people can like it too.

i am beyond grateful for that. i dont get a lot of traction or feedback like i would if i were in a larger fandom, but i dont mind. the feedback that i do get is of such good quality and has meant so much to me that it has potentially changed my life. i just needed you all to know that. that the people who have sent me asks, both on and off anon, requesting my thoughts on any topic; the people who leave comments on ffn and ao3, giving support ranging from long paragraphs to a brief sentence; the people who dm me or message me to share their thoughts on my work; the people who commented on my natsumikan essays telling me that ive helped them see something from a different perspective--you all have helped me see that there’s value in the things i create. 

i just want to say thank you. it has meant so much to me so far to be able to feel so confident in my writing. i really didnt even notice the change until today. how bizarre is it that something so important can change without you even noticing? i look forward to sharing more with you, from more fics to the mikan essay (which still has to be perfect, just maybe not as perfect as it wouldve had to be a few years ago lol). 

don’t be nervous that this a good-bye. it is not. it’s strange because whenever i’ve said anything like this (sent a message of adoration to a person i love, for example), people think it’s a bad sign. that i’m saying good-bye, or that it’s somehow a sign of something unsaid. i understand. this kind of nonsense sappiness (like all that stuff i wrote up there ^) is usually saved for the ffn bio when someone is leaving the site, for the good-bye post when someone decides to leave a fandom. “you’ve all meant so much to me and i’m leaving now.” that’s because usually people save all the important things for the end. you only say how you’ve felt when you say farewell. i don’t think life should be that way. i’m not saying good-bye, i’m saying i love you. i think people should say that more. i want people to feel good about themselves for what they’ve done, however small, to make my life--and undoubtedly the lives of others--a little brighter. and you have. you should know and i don’t intend to keep it to myself until i say good-bye (whenever or even if that happens). 

tldr; i love you gakuen alice fandom <3 youre not dead because dead things cant give life the way you have.

[judgementkazukun]

everytime i watch princess mononoke i want to write ashitaka or a character like him 😩 thank god i cannot handle even kiryus blog rn