#i love snark ships

[rist-ix]

https://www.tumblr.com/rist-ix/749015401700229120 not you reblogging this when you ship bloom with the man who murdered her family 😭

Bloom's into ppl who slay! Hope this helps :3

[three--rings]

"little mushroom is good because it doesn't have icky stuff like age gaps and stuff"

...Well, one of the ship was just born/became sentient and is a literal mushroom, so when you think about it....

Like he's essentially the danmei equivalent of Born Sexy Yesterday.

Is it problematic yet?

He's also a fungus.

Lololol

[taffy-glitch]

ababababa murderbot

murderbot of the murderbot diaries fame.... holds a dear place in my heart. it has some shit to work out and that's fun to see 😌

[racke7]

I was re-reading "In Flight" (because I have literally nothing better to do, stuck at home sick), and I started to think.

Like, gabriel_blessing's Shirou Emiya is an... interesting character. He's not a very good "Shirou Emiya", but he's an interesting character who happens to share that absolutely unhinged lunatic's name.

I can't even entirely blame the author for it, because Shirou is a... very complicated character to do right by. It's a knife's-edge of trying to balance "too traumatized to consider themselves human", and "thinks that this is normal", and trying to fit that into an entertaining (and not trauma-focused) narrative is... not easy.

But. Looking at a character who's called "Shirou Emiya" behaving in ways that don't mesh with "Shirou Emiya"? It's weird. And it sometimes makes me step back and go: "what the fuck kind of Sekirei-story could you write with the actual Shirou Emiya?"

Pre-War Shirou? He's basically just a traumatized nice guy with the ability to make a crowbar a little bit tougher. He kind of disappears into the background, is what I'm saying.

Fate-Route Shirou? You put a Sekirei in front of a man who's sworn his heart to another? You try to steal him away from his beloved Saber, who he must always search for until his dying day? Jail! Jail for the author for a thousand years!

(I could see him being good friends with Miya or Kazehana, who both know what it's like to love and lose. But he didn't really lose, did he? She's still waiting for him, even now.)

UBW Shirou? Do you really think that Rin would ever give up on a promise she made? Her promise to watch over him and guide him away from Archer's path? Rin would rather try to raze the Clock Tower to the fucking ground, than give up. And Zelretch would probably think that that's too fucking hilarious to not reward, so trying to split them up is just... very much a long-shot.

HF Shirou? He's already happily married, dude. He's not gonna fuck your aliens, he's too busy being satisfied with his life.

It just-... There's just no Shirou that really meshes well with Sekirei, because he's already made his choices by the end of the Routes, and those choices don't include ecchi-aliens.

BUT

But, there's one idea that struck me.

HF Rin comes back from London, and stumbles across a young boy desperately searching for his little sister. A boy who is clearly not human, and whose sister is very likely to be targeted sexually (because Sekirei-Ashikabi are romantic bonds).

HF Rin who knows some of those horrors from the suffering of her own little sister? Of fucking course she helps. She'll turn the entirety of Shin Tokyo upside-fucking-down if it means she can track down that girl faster and make sure that she isn't being hurt.

Which made me think about "how would she track Kusano down?". And the answer to that is blatantly obvious: "Shirou is a goddamn blood-hound for magic, and he'll probably owe her like half-a-dozen favors at this point".

And if we'll be involving Shirou by calling him over from Fuyuki in order to track down someone's little sister? I feel like we need to up the absurdity-value of Shirou's entrance.

So, rather than calling a young man who looks very friendly and reliable, Shiina's new Ashikabi calls a tiny little girl with pink hair.

That's right, Emilya von Einzbern is dragged into this mess, and Sakura (who absolutely refuses to have her senpai out of her sight for longer than five minutes) comes with her (and Rider plays chaperone, as always).

So now, we have a very pretty tiny little girl with pink hair. A tall and very sexy-looking (almost unnaturally so) onee-san with glasses. And a young woman with very sizable... tracts of land.

Of course they're going to be mistaken for a group of unwinged Sekirei.

(And then Sakura murders the poor Ashikabi who tried to flirt with her cute senpai.)

As for the rest of the story? I have no clue. But like... what a fucking entrance.

[stag-bi]

ppl are always like ”fujoshis will literally ship any random white men who barely talked in the source material 🙄” but clearly yall arent following f/f shippers cause every single time a new show comes out with two attractive older women sharing eye contact for 1.5 sec, my social media is flooded w the sapphics going APESHIT

[cashmoneyyysstuff]

ring pop proposal ♡

fem reader, pure fluff, childhood friends to lovers lemme alone do not perceive me yk the drill by now, lil self indulgent fic cus i love childhood friends to lovers and puppy crushes, polar opposite’s trope, this reeks of my oc x canon katsu ship sooooo shh shh do not perceive.

the first person who realizes katsuki has a crush on you is his mom because when she comes to pick him up one day from kindergarten he suddenly mentions you. it’s an innocent little interaction he had with you that mitsuki doesn’t think much about at first, simply surprised her son managed to befriend someone outside of his little group of friends until he starts mentioning you more and more.

soon you’re the only thing he talks about and katsuki even starts begging her to have you come over to play. mitsuki is extremely curious to know what kind of person you are to have been able to enchant her son the way you have, she says it’s fine as long as your parents agree.

you’re a sweet little thing, almost the complete opposite of her little devil’s spawn. you’re polite and a little shy when you ask “ is it okay if i come to play at katsu’s house, please miss katsuki’s mom ?” and how could she say no to you ? she pulls at your cheek lovingly and her son almost snarls at her.

“no touchin’ !” he snarks, pulling you against him like you were his teddy bear.

mitsuki was the first to realize her son had a crush on you when you were always around. when he found something cool during a class trip you were there and whenever he was upset it was always because you had argued about something irrelevant that seemed so much bigger in the eyes of a child.

she realized because katsuki had, and in some ways, will always be rowdy. he’s rough and temperamental and moody—basically, he can be quite the brat. (she wonders where he gets that from a lot) but he’s different with you.

he’ll always be a little rough around the edges but it’s the thought that counts. he drags you around a little too hard but it's to show you something he knows you'd like and you repay him by being patient with him and letting him drag you around to his hearts content. he let’s you use the crayons he’d just denied another classmate seconds ago and when it’s really early in the morning and you’re still sleepy unlike your more energetic friend, he waits for you. sitting with you in the reading corner quietly commenting on a little bit of everything in the book you’re sharing until you’re awake enough to start the day because katsuki wanted you to be together through anything no matter what, starting the day without you was simply unimaginable.

you offer him your kindness and he repays you with his loyalty. acting like your guard dog, protecting you from everything and everyone he considers a threat to you. he goes a bit overboard but it’s the thought that counts and he’s definitely got the right intentions.

“ i’m g’nna marry yn when i grow up !” katsuki proclaims from the backseat of the car after mitsuki had come to pick him up. she looks at him through the rear view mirror only to see he’s not even looking at her, looking out the window somewhat longingly, watching as his school fades away from his sight, further and further and further away from you. she smiles to herself.

“yeah ?” she asks “yeah !” he responds proudly, crossing his arms “ i asked yn if she wanted to be my wife an’ she said yeah, so we’re gettin’ married !”

“huh. how’d you propose ? you don’t have a ring.” she jests.

katsuki responds immediately and exclaims he does have one, shuffling around to reach for something in his pocket. he pulls out a plastic ring pop holder, the candy on top is missing and mitsuki can imagine what happened to it.

“gave her one of these !”

“so that’s why you had me buy those from the store last time,” she hums. “ you ate it, though.”

katsuki tries to roll his eyes but just ends up looking up and to the side, mitsuki recognizes it as him trying to mimic what she does a lot and she snorts.

“well duh, we both did ! ‘f i kept it in my pocket it woulda gotten gross !” he defends. mitsuki simply responds with a hum, smile on her face growing larger as she hears her son happily chatting about the rest of his day with you.

she knows her katsuki is hard to handle. extremely so. but when she sees the way you both interact she can tell something is there. you don’t ‘handle’ him. you like being around him. you like playing and talking with him, she sees how happy you make him whenever you come over for playdates. he holds your hand when you get scared and you hug him tight and beam when you see him again after he’s gotten over a nasty cold.

she can tell you make her son happy and he does the same for you in the way children do with pinky promises and shy cheek kisses, kisses over tiny wounds and refusing to be separated whenever the rowdier one of you both gets his recess time taken away for being naughty.

mitsuki hopes this crush, this love you have for her son can grow along with you. she hopes you’ll stick around as katsuki grows up more and potentially more rowdy and rougher around the edges but even more enamored with you. and with the way her son is squirming around in his seat and tugging at his seatbelt, giddy about you accepting his ring pop proposal, she has a funny feeling you’ll be sticking around for a long time.

[maypearlss]

kinda obsessed with the idea of quiet enemies-to-lovers, actually. i feel like so many enemies-to-lovers ships are so loud, there's so much banter and snark and backtalk, and there's nothing wrong with that; but i love enemies-to-lovers where the loathing is in dark glares and the tense silence enveloping the two, where "i despise you" is conveyed with one look. where, lurking in the quiet, there lies an understanding of hatred—and, eventually, an understanding of something else, entirely.

[ellecdc]

Hiii, so i got really excited about all the new ships and i wondering if i could request a poly!prongsfoot x female reader where maybe the reader completely matches their energy and its like a college au and the boys bring reader to meet all their friends for the first time and everybody is like… woah… now theres 3 of them. Just some super energetic cutesy fluff if you dont mind, thank you for considering this i really appreciate it!!! Hope your doing amazing🫶🏻

omg so I saw a post the other day and there's another ship name for Sirius x James = starbucks!! How cute? Thanks for your request and your patience - it took me some time to flush this out (I think any new ships likely will take me longer!)

poly!prongsfoot x fem!reader who's just like them

Remus doesn’t think he’s ever seen his two best friends as excited as they currently were, sitting and waiting (rather impatiently) for your arrival. 

Peter, Mary, and Lily were sitting on the booth against the wall, with Remus and Regulus sat together to the right of them, with Sirius and James to their right.

Sirius and James had been talking about this ‘perfect girl’ they met in their psych 101 class last semester, likely since the very day they met you if Remus assumed correctly. 

“She’s so pretty, Moons! I’ve never seen eyes as beautiful as hers.”

“She’s so funny! You should have heard her snarking the frat boys behind us in yesterday’s lecture.”

“She’s brilliant! She helped us study and I got 88% on our last exam!”

And now, a whole semester and a half later, they’d finally convinced you to meet their friends.

Lord knows how two of the most hyperactive and mischievous people Remus has ever had the pleasure of knowing managed to trick another person to put up with them voluntarily, but he did really like seeing them so happy and excited in life; both so deserving for different reasons. 

James deserved all the love that he so openly and willingly shared with others, and Sirius had worked so hard to become the man he is and deserved to be celebrated for it.

So, if what made them happy was a cute girl from their intro to psychology course? Well, Remus couldn’t argue with them. 

“I can’t wait until she gets here; you’re all going to love her.” James declared, shifting closer to Sirius in his excitement who quickly threw his arm over his boyfriend’s shoulders. 

“So, don’t embarrass us, alright? We want to keep her around.” Sirius added, placing a chaste kiss to James' shoulder as James practically vibrated in his seat.

“I assure you, Sirius, you do not need our help embarrassing you.” Regulus drawled, not bothering to look up from the drink’s menu in his hand.

“Oi! You take that back!” Sirius barked as he flicked the menu up into Regulus’ face. 

Remus had to quickly grip his boyfriend’s shoulder to hold him in his seat as he looked like he was about to crawl over the table to strangle his brother.

“Easy, babe.” Remus commented teasingly, “I doubt Pete, Lily, or Mary will bother calling 999 if you kill him, but their new girl may not be as understanding.”

Sirius harrumphed earning him a conciliatory kiss from James as Pete and the girls just snickered. 

Regulus’ muttering was interrupted by a commotion at the door as a group sitting near the entrance cheered at a new arrival.

“Yay! Are you finally joining us for a pub night, Y/N?!” someone shouted, causing both James and Sirius’ head to snap to attention; Remus was sure if they were dogs, their tails would be wagging and their ears would have perked up. 

“God no! I wouldn’t dream of it!” You called back teasingly, pulling away from someone who had stood to give you a hug. 

“Foul!” The person called back as their friend group laughed.

“Next time!” You promised as you moved through the crowd, face lighting up somehow even brighter when you spotted James and Sirius.

James was up on his feet the second you made eye contact with him and he all but carried you over to the group.

“Hi angel! I’m so glad you could make it!” He cheered at you as he kissed your cheek. 

“Of course, Jamie. I was looking forward to it.” You responded as you beamed at Sirius who stood as well to give you a proper hug.

“Hiya, dollface! How was your day?” Sirius asked as he held you to his chest.

“Good! Good, I’m looking forward to a drink, though.” You laughed, shucking your jacket off which James was quick to take from you to hang it on the hook attached to the booth. 

“Everyone; this is Y/N! Y/N, that there is our best mate Remus, that’s his boyfriend and less importantly my brother Regulus,” Sirius introduced, causing Regulus to scowl and Remus to chuckle as he consolingly squeezed Regulus’ knee. “And that there is our other best mate Peter, and these beauties here are Lily and Mary.”

You enthusiastically exchanged handshakes with those you could reach and no less enthusiastic waves with those who you couldn’t.

“It’s so nice to meet you all! I’ve heard so much about you.”

“Which is concerning, considering you guys met in class?” Regulus commented, earning him a booming laugh from you.

“I was doing too well in that class anyways; it’s good to keep your GPA well rounded.” You responded in jest, gently nudging a furiously blushing James with your elbow as Sirius beamed at the two of you from your other side. 

As the group of you spoke, Remus noticed a number of people coming up to clap James or Sirius on the shoulders who knew them from their classes or various extracurriculars., though that wasn’t all that unusual when attending a pub night near campus. What Remus found to be quite phenomenal was how many people happened to come up to you to do the same.

Remus supposed it made sense for his two social and quite popular friends to find a kindred spirit, but he couldn’t believe that there were three of you who appeared to be so universally liked.

Well, Remus was sure some of Sirius’ notoriety was less from his likeability and more for his flirty nature. 

Mary had a lot of fun talking to you about her Instagram feed and your TikTok, which was full of videos of you, Sirius, and James doing trendy dances to various degrees of success. 

You were eager to discuss your latest reads with Remus, Regulus, and Lily, and you all laughed at the furious blush that took over Regulus’ face when the three of you started discussing the erotic books you’d enjoyed recently. 

“I mean, really; is that appropriate to be discussing in such a public setting?” Regulus had muttered as he looked over his shoulder to ensure other patrons hadn’t heard the scandalous books the three of you had read.

“Oh, don’t be such a prude, Reggie. I’ve seen the love bites you’ve left on my mate; you’re no saint.” Sirius had drawled, causing the blush to migrate all the way down Regulus’ neck.

You even joined in with some of Peter's quick-witted jests at the boys' expense.

In the end, it was the way you fell easily into the friendly banter with the group as if you’d been part of it all along that really won Remus over, had his friends’ lovesick smiles not already thoroughly convinced him of your worth. 

“I really like Y/N.” He commented to Regulus as he finished flossing his teeth that night. Regulus scoffed without lifting his head from the book he’d been reading already comfortable in bed.

“You would.”

Remus furrowed his brow as he turned the bathroom light off and climbed into bed.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“She’s exactly your type.”

Remus barked a laugh and pulled Regulus (quite rudely, if you’d asked Regulus) into his side, forcing him to lay the book flat on the bed lest he lose his place for good.

“I’d argue that’s not the case, seeing as you’re my type.” He murmured into his boyfriend’s neck.

Regulus rolled his eyes though his face betrayed the fondness he felt for Remus. “That’s not what I meant, tosser.”

“What’d you mean then?” He asked, trailing kisses along Regulus’ collarbone.

“I mean she’s bubbly, she’s bold and outgoing, she’s mischievous, and she seemed to put up with the lot of you quite well.”

Remus lifted his head to look at Regulus bemusedly.

“She’s a carbon copy of two of your best friends, she’s basically Sirius and James.” Regulus clarified, looking smug as Remus’ face fell in understand.

“Oh my God...” Remus whispered in horror. “There’s three of them.” 

[waywardsou2]

Dudes ok wow.

Fucking Morph and Wolverine. I already made a post about how I could see the ship already but I have got so much more to say

So I made this post based off of the scene at the end of the first episode of X Men 97

I went back and am currently watching the old 90s show before 97

And boy did I notice some things

- When Morph "died" Logan was devastated and went and had a little cry about it

- He got mad at Scott (not that that's anything new) but he was really pissed. It wasn't just rebellious snark. Like he was pissed

- When Morph came back, even after he betrayed the X Men Logan went after him

- During that scene Logan proceeded to say "He's the only person who could ever make me laugh" and "I'm not giving up on him again" like why would he bring that up? He never talks about any of the other members as if there is some pre-existing relationship but this implies that they seem to have a relationship beyond the bounds of their duties as X Men.

- When Logan catches up to him Morph calms down for a while and they talk before panicking and leaving again. The purple on his eyes fades when he's around Logan and only returns when he leaves.

-During their little fight. Morph uses Jean and Sabertooth to get under Logan's skin. It's obvious to everyone how much he likes Jean but he hasn't told anyone about his past with Sabertooth. Why would Morph change into Sabertooth to provoke him if he didn't know something the others don't.

(this also shows that extra step of trust they have in each other)

- Morph says "I have to deal with this on my own" which is not what he said to the rest of the X Men. He wanted revenge, he was angry, he wanted to get back at Cyclops and Jean. But with Logan he (though very briefly) explains what he's going through. And judging by Logan's reactions he knows him well enough to know how much this is affecting him.

Not only that but my friend told me that Morph canonically has feelings for Logan and has professed his love in several X-Men iterations. The scene where Morph turned into Jean was actually a secret confession of sorts. Like he was using Jeans mouth but those were his words. His feelings.

I haven't even watched the other versions of the animated X Men but I'm sure there is so much more on this list that I haven't seen yet.

And honestly I love them so much. Being a multi shipper has never been better and a bi king like Logan is so fun to study.

[muirmarie]

spock with memory loss but not emotional memory loss. he can't remember anything since he left vulcan, but he looks at jim's and leonard's faces and he's like. hmm. i appear to be in love with both of these men. fascinating.

except. y'know. they are absolutely NOT together.

[hi hey have some absolute crack underneath the readmore]

mccoy being a ridiculous mother hen in sickbay and kirk running down from the bridge every hour on the hour all "UPDATE, BONES????" is not. is not helping spock's assumptions.

mccoy GRUDGINGLY allowing spock out of sickbay because lord knows there's some big thing happening and they need the beds, and spock doesn't need immediate medical attention, he just needs, y'know, a cure for the weird memory loss disease he's picked up. you heard me, this isn't amnesia, this is a weird space memory loss disease that mccoy is going to CURE, thank you very much.

he only allows spock out of sickbay if kirk keeps an eye on him. spock's like =/ when will you be joining us, doctor? and mccoy, not nearly as suspicious as he should be because he's so delighted that there's for ONCE a version of spock who actually appears to not be running away from medical, is like !!!!! once i'm sure everyone in sickbay is stable i'll come down to check on you!!!! i'll check on jim too!!! i'll run my scanner over everyone who will allow me to make sure they're okay!!!!! (jim: >=| i did not consent to this. bones: shut up idc i'm already scanning you.)

kirk takes spock back to kirk's quarters figuring they'll bunk together so he can keep an eye on him/make sure the space forgetfulness disease doesn't make him forget anything else.

spock's like. hmm. is this where we live? why don't we keep it warmer for me =/

kirk, oblivious doll that he is, is like yeah, all the quarters are like this, this is indeed where we live! isn't the enterprise the most beautiful ship there is!! also i am so sorry let's crank this place up to a sauna asap

meanwhile spock is sleepy what with the space forgetty sickness but he's like. determined to wait until their bf joins them so they can sleep in a cuddle pile. it seems polite. he's pretty sure he'd be a polite bf. amanda would definitely want him to be a polite bf. plus he feels certain that he needs to make sure the doctor gets some sleep after working non-stop in sickbay. like. that feels like that should somehow be his and jim's responsibility. that feels right.

bones shows up two hours later with his tricorder and even darker circles under his eyes than normal, and is like all right, time to check on my favorite patient <3 (he's still not used to spock not snarking back at him, and is more than a little =/ when spock just sparkles a bit instead of slamming him with an insult, tbh)

spock and jim get a clean bill of health (beyond, y'know, the space-nesia), and mccoy's like, all rightie, i'll be back in the morning to check on you!!! tell me immediately if anything changes!! i should go back to sickbay and check on things

spock: =( what.

mccoy: i need to keep an eye on everything in sickbay

kirk: no he's right you need to get some rest, bones. the on-duty staff will keep an eye on everything, but you've been going non-stop between spock and this new thing

mccoy: i'll grab a nap in my office don't worry

spock: =(((((((

mccoy: ...spock why are you holding onto my wrist. spock why are you - spock why are you dragging me over to the bed. spock - jim why are you laughing

kirk: i mean it is an effective solution

spock: i have the space forgetties and i can't even sleep with my boyfriends????? illogical.

mccoy: ......

kirk: hmm.

mccoy: ????? hmm???? HMMM???? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT????

kirk: i mean, it does sound illogical when he puts it like that

mccoy: ????? i don't know what the two of you have going on on the downlow, but i'm not dating spock. spock, i'm not dating you.

spock: no, no i definitely love you both, so it would be extremely illogical for us not to be dating, and i am, above all else, logical, so ipso facto we must be dating. it's far more likely you just don't want to say we're dating because you'd feel like it would be a shock to my blank slate brain. occam's razor.

mccoy: we're - we're definitely not dating

spock: hmmm jim i am worried that leonard may also have the space forgetty disease.

kirk: bones, just sleep here tonight, it's not a big deal

mccoy, slightly strangled, because he is extremely in love with these two men and this is a bizarre situation even for them: JIM, I -

spock, aggressively laying in the center of the bed and then trapping mccoy next to him by sheer strength and mccoy's surprise, and unfortunately, having pegged mccoy within 5 minutes of meeting him again, saying: what if the space forgetty disease makes me worse during the night and my doctor bf isn't even here to help me =/

kirk: [unhelpfully giggling]

mccoy: gdi why would you say that now you know i can't leave - this isn't you winning this is me GRACEFULLY changing my mind and we are NOT dating and if you use this forced snuggling against me when i ONCE MORE SAVE THE DAY and figure out a CURE to FIX your STUPID VULCAN MIND then i will -

kirk: [leaning over and kissing bones' forehead to shut him up and then walking around the other side of the bed and getting in next to spock] you forgot the key word, there, bones

mccoy, visibly restraining himself from frothing with rage: what.

kirk: yet, bones. we're not dating yet.

[kybercrystals94]

Just a few things in Season 3 Episode 5 that I can’t stop thinking about…

[spoilers below cut]

The way Crosshair treats Omega like a peer.

This is so different from the way Wrecker, Echo, Tech, but specifically Hunter, ever treated Omega. To them, she’s still the little girl they rescued off Kamino. They know they’ve trained her to be capable; however, it is hard to separate their guileless little sister from the little warrior she’s become both with their squad and during her captivity on Tantiss.

Crosshair never knew or cared about little Omega, the child who’d never seen dirt before.

He’s only ever known and cared about this Omega. The Omega that insisted on building a relationship with him in spite of his trying to push her away for her own good. The Omega who refused to leave him behind at risk to herself. The Omega who can hold her own alongside him during a firefight. The Omega who can fly ships, bribe, and swindle. Crosshair has only known this Omega. Why would he treat her as anything but capable? He will absolutely protect her and have her back, but he will not doubt her abilities.

That’s not to say that the others doubt her abilities. I think they absolutely know what Omega is capable of, but that innate desire to protect the little thing she was has not dissolved just because Omega has grown…which is so true of real life. It’s authentic, and it's difficult and messy. And I love that the show is tackling this.

I also love that Crosshair knows this too. “Don’t hold it against him. He’s only worried about you,” he gently advises.

Which leads me into how I viewed Hunter’s behavior in Episode 5…

He doesn’t trust Crosshair. Why would he? The last time they interacted, Crosshair tried to force them to join the Empire of his own volition. He tried to have Omega forcibly removed from their protection. He chose the Empire over them. And then, they find out that Crosshair became a prisoner of the Empire, and their attempt to rescue Crosshair from his own choices resulted in Tech’s death and Omega’s capture. On top of that, what exactly did Crosshair do to get on the Empire’s bad side? Hunter doesn’t know. And Crosshair isn’t volunteering the information.

I also saw a bit of jealousy on Hunter’s part (although he probably doesn’t recognize it). While we as viewers know that Omega is trying to support Crosshair with his emotional and physical trauma, as well as getting him to communicate with Hunter and Wrecker. On the outside, Omega and Crosshair are almost inseparable, Omega seeking out Crosshair’s companionship (the brother that initiated a lot of the Batch’s heartbreak) rather than the brothers who have taken care of her all along. Gotta admit, I’d be pretty hurt by that too. Again, not at all Omega’s intent or fault that he feels this way, but it would be confusing and hurtful nonetheless.

Crosshair also senses this jealousy. (“Oh, don’t pretend like this is all about me…You’re angry because she escaped with my help, not yours.”) What Hunter doesn’t know is that Crosshair has supported Omega and Hunter’s relationship, not undermined it.

I really appreciated how Crosshair - while hurt by Hunter’s mistrust - does his best to prove himself trustworthy again (although hidden behind typical Crosshair snark). He’s broken his brothers’ trust, and he knows it has to be earned back.

Wrecker runs to hug Hunter and Crosshair after they make it back safely.

Wrecker is the only one of the Batch (besides Crosshair, obviously) who has been on both sides of the chip. He understands Hunter’s perspective and trepidation towards Crosshair; however, he also understands the guilt and fear that comes after being under the chip’s influence and nearly killing your family. While he was also confused and hurt by Crosshiar’s actions after the chip, Wrecker trusts Omega’s judgment. If Omega feels that Crosshair has changed, then Wrecker is not going to question it.

But he’s not going to pressure Hunter to the same conclusion, and he’s been Hunter’s support system for so long–and obviously, Crosshair already has a support system in Omega. Wrecker is going to let Hunter take the time he needs to trust Crosshair on his own terms…and I love that!

I felt that when Wrecker saw them coming back, he could tell they had worked out some of their hard feelings toward one another…and he was thrilled! That hug was more than just happy they made it back safe from facing a monster, but that they are on the path to making amends. Their family is healing. Not healed. There’s still hurts and wounds to work through, but healing.

And the way he embraces his two sullen brothers, smooshing them together so that they are also hugging each other by association…made me smile so big!

The way Echo acts as mediator between Hunter and Crosshair. (Also…ECHO FINALLY SHOWS UP!!)

Omega and Wrecker have been struggling trying to support both brothers while they work through their issues, and then there’s Echo saying, “You can kill each other later…focus!” Echo gets it. He knows they need to work things out on their own terms, in their own time. But first…mission!

Also, I loved how civilly he treats Crosshair when they meet again. Crosshair is 100% ready to receive a negative reaction, and when Echo simply snarks back at him like the good ol’ days, Crosshair is visibly surprised. Even Omega looks happy to see the positive interaction.

When Omega expresses how she wishes she could have done more for the other clones on Tantiss, Echo tells her she did the right thing escaping and getting the information she could to him and Rex…he is such a good and encouraging older brother! I love him!

Special mention goes to Crosshair and Batcher being buddies! The way Crosshair pats and pets her when Batcher comes up to him after they rescue Hunter out of the snow. And then Batcher plops down beside him and Crosshair keeps petting her. My little heart!

[abstractnaturaldisaster]

is it over now? (was it over then?)

part four

part five: i was hoping you'd be there

Robin managed to keep her shit together for approximately ten minutes after she stopped watching Steve make his way through security and into the depths of the airport. In the ride back to Steve's place, her leg was shaking so much Nancy discreetly grabbed Robin's pinky and held it in the back of the car.

The rest of the trafficky route back to Steve's all Robin could think about was how to fix things. She knew Steve didn't tell her about Eddie so she could fix things and Steve didn't run off to Italy to hide from everything but the situation still bothered Robin. She hadn't known Eddie for a terribly long time but he made her dingus happy so she held him in relatively high regard. It didn't make sense for him to just cut tail and run without leaving some sort of door open for a resolution and Robin was going to her darndest to figure out how on earth she could find that crack.

When they got back to Steve's apartment, Nancy didn't let Robin go long without asking for an explanation.

"Robs, babe, what is going on?" Nancy asked.

"I need to figure out how to solve Steve and Eddie." Robin answered.

"I don't think Steve wants you too. He seemed pretty resolved to close that chapter." Nancy urged.

"I know what he said but that's not what he wants. Also Eddie is a huge dummy if he doesn't realize how good he had it with Steve and also that Steve would never cheat on anyone. Especially not after y'all's whole thing. No offense." Robin continued.

"Okay so we aren't letting this go. What's the plan?" Nancy asked.

"Thanks for your support, love. I just can't figure out why Eddie jumped to the conclusion that you and Steve were together again. I mean no offense but like that ship very publicly sailed," Robin said.

"I'm trying really hard not to take offense but the more often you say it the more I am having trouble not being offended," Nancy snarked.

"Sorry, dingus wormed his way into my little heart long before you so I still gotta give you shit over soulmate solidarity. But back to the matter at hand. Eddie only assumed you would only be visiting Steve if you were trying to get back together when really you were coming to see little old me. So what if I came out. Like what if we came out? And shared some of the pictures from like super early on and thanked Steve for being a great friend for many years when I wasn't ready to take that step," Robin knew she was rambling but, hell, she was on a roll.

"Are you ready for that? I'm happy to take your lead on all this. It's not like we haven't already told everyone who is actually important to us. I mostly write freelance nowadays anyways so there isn't really some big bag corporate overlord I need to worry about. You know Steve doesn't need you to do this? It's one thing if you're ready to come out on your own, it's a whole different thing to do it for someone else," Nancy counseled.

"I really think I'm ready. I'm sick of Steve feeling like he needs to come to everything with me and you're stateside a lot more often and I'd love to go out on dates without the next day having like a million articles speculate if you're trying to move in on Steve. I think it's time," Robin rationalized.

"All right, then. We're doing this. Should we use this as an excuse to make Jon take cute couple pictures of us?" Nancy giggled a little at her suggestion.

"Yes! Perfect. Get him over here. Operation Save Dingus from his Self Sacrifice is a go!" Robin jumped up on the couch to make her point and Nancy immediately had to come to her aid as she wobbled enough to lose her balance.

Robin was excited. She was ready for the next step with Nancy and if it helped Steve get out of his own head and/or convinced a certain metalhead with very few remaining braincells to get his head out of his ass then so be it. Robin couldn't wait to think of all the sappy shit Nancy would pretend to be annoyed at she'd be able to do now. Steve would be back in a few weeks so Robin anxiously awaited Jon's response and started several caption ideas in her notes app.

part six

@lololol-1234 @swimmingbirdrunningrock @zombiethingy @grtwdsmwhr @dreamercec @anne-bennett-cosplayer @strawberryyyenthusiast @mensch-anthropos-human @kal-ology @ttyrussss @kristmkris @starman-jpg @wonderland-girl143-blog @child-of-cthulhu @legalmenace87 (if you wanna be tagged in future parts feel free to comment! happy to add people)

it's not quite fixed yet but we are getting so close!!!

[zarnzarn]

"Why are you panicking on the balcony in the middle of the night?" Penelope's voice cuts through his quick breathing out of sheer terror at her closeness and Odysseus throws a punch towards her.

Penelope catches his fist and yawns.

"Why are you spying on me panicking on the balcony in the middle of the night?" He replies when he finds his voice, pulling his hand back and turning back out to lean on the railing.

"Athena did not want to get out of the covers," Penelope sighs, plastering herself to his back like a particularly lazy lion. "Well? At least panic in bed, darling, winter is cold this year."

He laughs, threadbare but amused. Then sobers. Stares at the moon. "Sometimes, I- I don't-"

Penelope kisses his shoulder and he closes his eyes on an exhale. "Yes?"

"I don't deserve to have been the one to come back."

She is silent as the words hang in the air.

"Half their wives remarried in the fifth year, when we had no word of who lived and who died." Penelope says finally, making his heart jump. "Their parents gave up the first year after Troy fell and no ships entered our harbour. Even the most loyal either left or moved on... everyone except for me."

"Penelope-" Odysseus whispers, voice full of pain. Five years of Ithaka have done much to make the twenty years away feel like a bad dream- except at moments like these, where it comes rushing back in like a spear to the chest.

"So remember that it was for me," She interrupts him, voice firm even as it cracks. "That I deserved for you to have come back- that I stayed married and stayed loyal and waited for you, Odysseus. I kept Ithaka waiting, did not love you less even one second that you were away, and knew that you would find your way back, even when no one else believed."

"Oh, Penelope. Of course it was for you," Odysseus whispers, overcome. "Every drop of blood I spilled-"

"Then cease this regret!"

"But I cannot do that either!" Odysseus sighs, presses his hands to his face. "Everyone I know, everything I touch... all comes to ruin eventually."

"I am still here," Penelope cuts in, voice hard. "And don't disrespect my loyalty by believing that you don't deserve every drop of it."

"Penelope," Odysseus turns, stricken and cracked. They embrace, his fingers shaking. "Penelope."

"I love you, my dear," Penelope softens, cradling his face. "I am sorry our men were lost. Believe me, I am, I hate it, I look at our temples and rage at the gods, the Fates, every single day that we were so close to pure happiness and it slipped out of our fingers so. I hate what it did to you, what all of them did to you. But I cannot be sorry that you found your way back to me, and I will never be sorry that I chose you, even if I knew what was to come."

The tears drip down onto the ground below, although they no longer carry the heavy guilt and grief of five years before. "I am. I am sorry that-"

"If you apologise for marrying her, I'll hand her the knife to slit your throat myself," Athena grouches as she slips beside them, military posture unwoven by sleep until she's slouching to their height. She presses her face to Odysseus' shoulder sleepily, miniature wings flapping idly in her hairline. "It was bad enough playing matchmaker when you were already courting each other, don't give me nightmares of what it would have been like if you'd been driven apart back then. Stop being an idiot. "

"I thought you didn't want to leave the bed," Odysseus huffs, bumping his hip into hers.

Athena grunts. Penelope puts a hand on his cheek to guide his gaze back to hers.

"We love you," She murmurs, pressing their noses together. "And regret is useless. We have fought for our happiness and won- feel the grief and let it pass. Let it go. Be happy, my darling, until we meet our friends again."

"And for the love of the stars, go the fuck to sleep," Athena snarks.

Odysseus laughs, wiping away his tears. "I love you too," He whispers, kissing her. "And I miss them. But you're right, I think- I think it's time to move ahead."

"Everyone dies," Athena pitches in, softly for once. "You will see your men once more, Odysseus. But there are years of living for you yet."

"Even if I say I wish to spend the night on the balcony with you?" Odysseus says teasingly.

"No, then we'll both kill you immediately," Penelope replies, smiling. "Even if Athena's chest does look enticing in the cold."

"Keep your filth-ridden thoughts to yourself, vulgar woman," Athena chides fondly as she pushes her enormous self off the railing and presses a kiss down to Penelope's smirking mouth. "Come back to bed, the both of you."

Odysseus takes in a breath of the chilled wind and follows his lovers back inside, where the branches of their bed sway gently, scattering leaves around their heads.

"I am glad for it too," Athena murmurs behind him as she climbs in after them both, pressing herself across his side and laying a kiss to his cheekbone. Runs a hand down his back as Penelope pulls the blanket over them. "If you have grown so stupid as to not know that already."

Odysseus sniffs, rubbing at his face, but smiling slowly. Two sets of hands envelop him in tight embraces, a riot of messy hair coming into his vision on either side. "I love you both."

"Go to sleep," comes the chorus from either side, bodies pushing closer to him so that not a lick of air remains between them.

He still may not deserve it- but he is still finally, blessedly- home.

[sanjifucker42069]

An Honest Mistake

Sanji x Reader

I am such a slut for character A catches character B partially or fully unclothed by accident.

Also I don't hate Zoro, I just wanted to write him in a way that was concurrent with Sanji's little bitch attitude. This is 100% written with anime Sanji in mind, love that pathetic wet cat of a man

Bro this turned into something...Reader is MEAN in this lmao, but tbh I really don't blame her.

Warnings: fem!reader, walking in on accident, mean!reader, sub!sanji, bro I would call this dubcon...Sanji reciprocates tho, unprotected p in v (bro, safe sex)

Word Count: 2,600-ish

The sun was high in the sky, the birds were singing, and the Going Merry was moving languidly through the sea. What a perfect day.

Sanji had to piss. The blonde pacing back and forth before the bathroom door.

"Zoro, fuck this I'm coming in."  Sanji threatened, banging repeatedly on the door.

The mosshead snapped back at him through the thick wood, voice hindered by the barrier. "Wanna see my dick that bad, shitty waiter?" 

Sanji bristled with anger, kicking the door. If he was lucky, Zoro would startle, slip in the shower, and break his neck. While the idea was lovely, he wouldn't let that asshole have the last word. "No one wants to see that carrot stick excuse for a dick. I have to piss. I'll be back in five minutes, if you aren't done, I don't care, I'm coming in."

He stalked off before the swordsman could snark back. Sanji felt antsy, he had to piss bad. Curse that green-haired bastard, of course he'd be taking the world's longest shower. He could probably fucking drain all of the East Blue with how long he's taking, Sanji thought bitterly.

What Sanji failed to notice in his stewing, was how Zoro had promptly finished his shower, muttering as he left the bathroom, towel low on his hip.

-------

You practically moaned with relief as the hot water cascaded down your naked body. After an early morning of small repairs to the ship, you were sweaty and sore. You smiled in relief, massaging shampoo into your scalp. Gods this was perfection. It seemed showering was the only time you got by yourself on this ship. You washed your body, happily lathering yourself in a particularly pleasant soap you'd picked up at the last island. You began humming to yourself, really working the lather in.

After truly savouring the experience, you were done. You turned the water off, shivering from the lack of hot water. You pulled the flimsy curtain back, stretching out to grab your towel. You didn't even know why you bothered with the curtain, it was practically transparent. The towel rod was just out of reach. Fuck, who decided to put the towel rack so far out of the way anyway? 

BANG! 

You froze in fear. An angry voice ringing through the door. Was that Sanji? What the fuck?

------

When Sanji circled back, he could still hear the water running. He growled in anger. Now Zoro was just taking the piss. He rapped at the door as a courtesy. No answer. Oh now this asshole was just mocking him. 

He heard the water shut off. He kicked the door, trying to provoke a response. When no answer rewarded him, he got serious. Fine, he smirked, formulating a plan. Sanji would teach him to stop being such an asshole. He'd drag the swordsman out of that bathroom himself. 

Steeling his resolve, he flung the door open, stalking into the bathroom, steam caressing his face. He began lecturing, pointing for emphasis.

"Now listen here you bastard, I told you I'd come in here and now I'm gonna kick you out my-"

That was not Zoro.

Sanji froze as he took in your nude body, soaking wet. He could see your heaving breasts, nipples hard from the cold air. He felt his heart stop. You squealed, slapping a hand over your privates before he could see, catching only a glimpse of the patch of hair covering you. The action pushed your breasts together. Sanji wanted to move, really he did, but he felt frozen by the view.  With your other hand you desperately tried to cover your body with the shower curtain. Realistically, it did nothing. Sanji's mouth going dry at the sight. He tried to tear his eyes away from your nude form, but it was mesmerising him. You said something, but Sanji couldn't hear you over the sound of his heart pumping, blood rushing to his cock. 

"Can you at least close the fucking door you creep?"

Oh. Fuck. The door was still open. Dumbly, Sanji turned around and shut the door. You groaned. Sanji throbbed.

"I was kind of hoping you'd LEAVE."

That seemed to snap him out of it. 

"I am so sorry." He apologised loudly, he heard you scoff behind him. "No, really, I'm sorry!"

"If you're so sorry, get the fuck out." You spat. He felt his cock throb at your harsh tone.

"I can't." He hated how small his voice sounded. "I can't move right now."

You growled. As if he could feel the vibrations himself, Sanji bit back a moan. "Fine! I'm going to grab my towel. If you peek, I will fucking kill you."

He heard shuffling behind him. He stiffened. Eyes forward, eyes forward, he repeated like a mantra. His eyes traced the grain of the word. Anything to take his mind off the fact that you were naked, dripping wet, and within arm's reach. His eyes spied your clothing to his right, just folded on the toilet seat, waiting to be changed into. He gulped.

"Fine." You huffed. "I'm decent. Mind telling me why the fuck you burst in here?" 

"Uh, I- Well-" Sanji stuttered. He heard you tsk at him. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you Sanji."

Sanji froze. "I-I can't do that (name)."

"I don't care how fucking hard you are you pervert. Look at me when you're speaking to me."

Sanji whimpered. Absolutely mortified, he clasped his hands together, covering his erection from your view. Even now he was throbbing from the humiliation. With a whine, he turned to face you.

Oh. You looked pissed. Breathtakingly gorgeous, but pissed. He tried desperately to keep his eyes on your face. You quirked a brow at him, arms crossed over your chest, both to keep your towel close to you, and to express your disappointment. Sanji shuddered.

"I'll ask you again. Why did you think it was acceptable to burst in on a woman bathing?"

He cringed. "I- You see- Zoro."

"Oh you were planning to catch Zoro showering, I see now." You snarked. Gods, did you have any idea how hot you were when you were mean? Sanji took a deep breath.

"I had to go. Zoro had been in the shower for ages. When I came back and the shower was still going...I thought it was still him."

"You must have had to go bad. Poor baby." You mused. "Go on then."

"What?!" 

"Go on, if you have to piss so bad, go now. The toilet's free after all."

Sanji flushed a dark red. "I-I can't."

"Guess you didn't have to go so bad then?"

Sanji felt tears prick his eyes. He understood you were upset, but this was just too much. And yet.... that perverted part of his brain was screaming out at the treatment, begging you for something, anything.

"I can't!" He whined dropped his eyes to the floor, voice becoming a whisper. "I'm too hard."

He heard you sigh. There was no way Sanji could ever meet your eyes now. "You're lucky you're cute."

Sanji short circuited.

"What?"

You laughed, he dared to look at you, seeing you regarding him with lidded eyes and a lopsided grin. "I said you're lucky you're cute. If you were anyone else I'd have kicked your ass."

"You're not mad?"

"Honey." You stalled for emphasis, grin unwavering. "I am fucking furious. However, I believe you. It seems like something you'd do. Alright...Show me then."

Sanji flushed, his ears burning from embarrassment. You clicked your tongue. "You saw mine, only fair I see yours."

He quickly looked at you again, thinking of how he could get out of it. Your grin was still there, but there really was a softness apparent. Wait? Were you enjoying this? You winked at him. 

Oh. Oh he got it now.

Sanji nodded. Removing his hands. You whistled lowly. He still felt embarrassed, but there was that lingering reminder that you were enjoying this just as he was. His hand fiddled with the fastening, the drag of the zipper leaving him hissing. He pushed his trousers to pool at his ankles. Sanji faltered, but one look into how hungrily your eyes devoured him, he continued. His cock was evident through his underwear, the hard bulge standing proudly. He blushed.

Hooking his thumbs into his waistband, dragging the underwear down slowly, just in case he needed to back out quickly. His cock caught on the fabric, but with a bit of resistance the fabric slipped, tucking under his balls. His cock slapped lewdly against his stomach, the noise reverberating through the small room. Sanji cringed at the sound. But you, you honest to gods moaned. He tampered down the humiliation, further pushing the underwear down to meet his pants.

It took buckets of courage, but he flicked his eyes up to meet yours, gasping at what he saw. You were biting your lip, staring at his cock hungrily. 

"Want me to help you Sanji?"

Sanji didn't think he could respond faster, whining out a hurried "Please." 

"Get on the toilet seat then."

Sanji looked at you confused. You rolled your eyes. 

"I just had a hot shower, I'm not standing up to fuck you. Sit down please."

Sanji squeaked at your vulgarity, moving quickly to get in position. He kicked himself out of the pooled fabric. He moved your clothing to rest on the bathroom cabinet. 

The toilet lid was cold. Incredibly cold on his balls, and he shivered. You laughed sincerely. 

"Your jacket and shirt, Sanji."

Oh! Right. He'd forgotten about that. At a speed that honestly made you giggle, he divulged his jacket. Fingers nimbly undoing his shirt. As he reached for his tie, you stopped him. 

"Uh uh. That stays on." Sanji whimpered. 

Once he was naked, save for his shoes, socks, and tie, you whistled appreciatively. He felt mortified at the realisation his shoes were still on, somehow making him feel more naked. He met your lust-filled eyes.

"Well don't you look good enough to eat handsome. Hope you don't mind if I take a seat?"

You dropped the towel, momentarily stunning the man. Sanji's eyes darted around, evident he was trying to commit you to memory. You laughed. Once you reached him, your leant down, gripping his knees with your hands. Sanji's eyes scrunched shut at the feeling of you touching him, his cock jumping appreciatively. Perversely, you spread Sanji's thighs, relishing in his undignified squeal. Sanji opened his eyes, seeing you spit in your hand, wicked eyes meeting his. 

Sanji let out a cry of relief when your hand wrapped around his cock, spreading thick precum down his shaft. You squeezed him, grinning when he whined. You pumped him a few times before removing your hand, leaving the blonde to whimper and plead. He shut up when you hovered over his lap, fingers playing with his tie.

"Here we go. Time to reward you for being such a good boy."

You lined him up with your entrance, his tip just touching. He stopped you.

"W-wait! What about you?"

You laughed, eyes sparkling. "Sanji I am soaked. You don't realise just how sexy you look right now."

With a moan you sunk down on the man. His girth stretched you deliciously. Unceremoniously, you bottomed out. Sanji whined, trying desperately to keep his hips still. After a few seconds of adjusting you began a hurried pace. Sanji would have doubled over from the speed were you not holding him up. His eyes rolled back. Gods, the way your tits dragged along his chest, or the way your cunt squeezed him deliciously. Fuck, he was delirious with pleasure. 

He tried to keep quiet, really he did. But the way you were fucking him, clearly in charge, was killing him. Moans tumbled from his mouth. You laughed, pulling him into a wet kiss. You swallowed his moans, picking up your pace. The wet slapping that reverberated throughout the bathroom should embarrass the both of you, and yet you two were too lost in pleasure to care. You groaned into his mouth, retreating you tongue to suck his bottom lip into your mouth.

One hand snuck up to grab his tie, fisting it in your hand and pulling it tight. Sanji broke your kiss to whine keenly, before diving back in. You pulled back, leaning down to suck at his neck. Sanji squealed, hips stuttering. 

Oh. He was close.

Your grip on his tie never faulted, instead you pulled harder, yanking him so your lips met his ear.

"Cum for me pretty boy, cum like the dirty pervert you are."

Sanji's hands clamped on your hips so hard it left marks. He began rutting up into you ruthlessly, pride swelling in him at the delicious moan you made. You whined, kissing him below the ear.

"Fuck I'm so close. C'mon baby, cum in me, want it bad."

Sanji's vision exploded into white, his voice raising embarrassingly high as he came. Watching the way his face scrunched up sent you over the edge, and he felt you clench around him like you'd never let him go. The two of you rode through your orgasms, kissing each other hungrily.

The two of you came down from your highs, panting wildly, and staring into each other's eyes.

You caught your breath, as Sanji caught his. Sanji was flushed, sweat coating him. You on the other hand were blushing a bright red, shyness setting in.

"Was that okay?" You asked. Sanji laughed, crushing you against him, burying his face in your chest. You laughed.

"Perfect." He mumbled from his hiding place. Sanji stared up at you. "Sorry for bursting in on you."

You smiled down at him, expression filled with love. "Nah, m'glad it was you. Sorry for using your humiliation kink against you."

Sanji whined. "I do not have a humiliation kink."

"With what I just saw? I beg to differ." You played with his tie, eyes soft. "Love you, you big softie."

"And I love you, my sexy dominatrix." 

You laughed, pulling the blonde in for another kiss. "Really do love you. Please don't think I hate you, or that I meant that stuff...well, maybe I meant it a little. I...you're capable of being treated softly Sanji, and I do intend to do just that. Even if you do make me want to throttle you sometimes.."

Fuck he was grateful he had burst in on you, if he could get you treating him like that one minute, and this soft the next.

With a combined groan you pulled yourself off him. Sanji cringing at his soft cock dragging through your walls. You began cleaning him up with your towel, cleaning yourself as you went. Sanji raised a brow. 

"Gotta wash it anyway. Now get dressed and get out. I'll get dressed and leave later. Don't want anyone to be suspicious." You paused. "Well, anyone who didn't hear you."

Sanji laughed. Fuck, he guessed he really did love you. You gestured with your hands for him to shoo, swatting lightly at his ass he gathered his clothes. Perhaps he wouldn't knock next time either. He stiffened, causing you to regard him with a raised brow.

"You okay sweetheart?"

"I still have to piss."

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Inkjump Linkdump

For the rest of May, my bestselling solarpunk utopian novel THE LOST CAUSE (2023) is available as a $2.99, DRM-free ebook!

It's the start of a long weekend and I've found myself with a backlog of links, so it's time for another linkdump – the eighteenth in the (occasional) series. Here's the previous installments:

https://pluralistic.net/tag/linkdump/

Kicking off this week's backlog is a piece of epic lawyer-snark, which is something I always love, but what makes this snark total catnip for me is that it's snark about copyfraud: false copyright claims made to censor online speech. Yes please and a second portion, thank you very much!

This starts with the Cola Corporation, a radical LA-based design store that makes lefty t-shirts, stickers and the like. Cola made a t-shirt that remixed the LA Lakers logo to read "Fuck the LAPD." In response, the LAPD's private foundation sent a nonsense copyright takedown letter. Cola's lawyer, Mike Dunford, sent them a chef's-kiss-perfect reply, just two words long: "LOL, no":

https://www.techdirt.com/2024/04/19/apparel-company-gives-perfect-response-to-lapds-nonsense-ip-threat-letter-over-fuck-the-lapd-shirt/

But that's not the lawyer snark I'm writing about today. Dunford also sent a letter to IMG Worldwide, whose lawyers sent the initial threat, demanding an explanation for this outrageous threat, which was – as the physicists say – "not even wrong":

https://www.loweringthebar.net/2024/05/lol-no-explained.html

Every part of the legal threat is dissected here, with lavish, caustic footnotes, mercilessly picking apart the legal defects, including legally actionable copyfraud under DMCA 512(f), which provides for penalties for wrongful copyright threats. To my delight, Dunford cited Lenz here, which is the infamous "Dancing Baby" case that EFF successfully litigated on behalf of Stephanie Lenz, whose video of her adorable (then-)toddler dancing to a few seconds of Prince's "Let's Go Crazy" was censored by Universal Music Group:

https://www.eff.org/cases/lenz-v-universal

Dunford's towering rage is leavened with incredulous demands for explanations: how on Earth could a lawyer knowingly send such a defective, illegal threat? Why shouldn't Dunford seek recovery of his costs from IMG and its client, the LA Police Foundation, for such lawless bullying? It is a sparkling – incandescent, even! – piece of lawyerly writing. If only all legal correspondence was this entertaining! Every 1L should study this.

Meanwhile, Cola has sold out of everything, thanks to that viral "LOL, no." initial response letter. They're taking orders for their next resupply, shipping on June 1. Gotta love that Streisand Effect!

https://www.thecolacorporation.com/

I'm generally skeptical of political activism that takes the form of buying things or refusing to do so. "Voting with your wallet" is a pretty difficult trick to pull off. After all, the people with the thickest wallets get the most votes, and generally, the monopoly party wins. But as the Cola Company's example shows, there's times when shopping can be a political act.

But that's because it's a collective act. Lots of us went and bought stuff from Cola, to send a message to the LAPD about legal bullying. That kind of collective action is hard to pull off, especially when it comes to purchase-decisions. Often, this kind of thing descends into a kind of parody of political action, where you substitute shopping for ideology. This is where Matt Bors's Mr Gotcha comes in: "ooh, you want to make things better, but you bought a product from a tainted company, I guess you're not really sincere, gotcha!"

https://thenib.com/mister-gotcha/

There's a great example of this in Zephyr Teachout's brilliant 2020 book Break 'Em Up: if you miss the pro-union demonstration at the Amazon warehouse because you spent two hours driving around looking for an indie stationer to buy the cardboard to make your protest sign rather than buying it from Amazon, Amazon wins:

https://pluralistic.net/2020/07/29/break-em-up/#break-em-up

So yeah, I'm pretty skeptical of consumerism as a framework for political activism. It's very hard to pull off an effective boycott, especially of a monopolist. But if you can pull it off, well…

Canada is one of the most monopoly-friendly countries in the world. Hell, the Competition Act doesn't even have an "abuse of dominance" standard! That's like a criminal code that doesn't have a section prohibiting "murder." (The Trudeau government has promised to fix this.)

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/opinion/editorials/article-an-overhauled-competition-act-will-light-a-fire-in-the-stolid-world-of/

There's stiff competition for Most Guillotineable Canadian Billionaire. There's the entire Irving family, who basically own the province of New Bruinswick:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/dynasties-2-the-irvings/

There's Ted Rogers, the trumpy billionaire telecoms monopolist, whose serial acquire-and-loot approach to media has devastated Canadian TV and publishing:

https://www.canadaland.com/podcast/canadaland-725-the-rogers-family-compact/

But then there's Galen Fucking Weston, the nepobaby who inherited the family grocery business (including Loblaw), bought out all his competitors (including Shopper's Drug Mart), and then engaged in a criminal price-fixing conspiracy to rig the price of bread, the most Les-Miz-ass crime imaginable:

https://www.blogto.com/eat_drink/2023/06/what-should-happened-galen-weston-price-fixing/

Weston has made himself the face of the family business, appearing in TV ads in a cardigan to deliver dead-eyed avuncular paeans to his sprawling empire, even as he colludes with competitors to rig the price of his workers' wages:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2020-06-12/a-supermarket-billionaire-steps-into-trouble-over-pandemic-wages

For Canadians, Weston is the face of greedflation, the man whose nickle-and-diming knows no shame. This is the man who decided that the discount on nearly-spoiled produce would be slashed from 50% to 30%, who racked up record profits even as his prices skyrocketed.

It's impossible to overstate how loathed Galen Weston is at this moment. There's a very good episode of the excellent new podcast Lately, hosted by Canadian competition expert Vass Bednar and Katrina Onstad that gives you a sense of the national outrage:

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/podcasts/lately/article-boycotting-the-loblawpoly/

All of this has led to a national boycott of Loblaw, kicked off by members of the r/loblawsisoutofcontrol, and it's working. Writing for Jacobin, Jeremy Appel gives us a snapshot of a nation in revolt:

https://jacobin.com/2024/05/loblaw-grocery-price-gouge-boycott/

Appel points out the boycott's problems – there's lots of places, particularly in the north, where Loblaw's is the only game in town, or where the sole competitor is the equally odious Walmart. But he also talks about the beneficial effect the boycott is having for independent grocers and co-ops who deal more fairly with their suppliers and their customers.

He also platforms the boycott's call for a national system of price controls on certain staples. This is something that neoliberal economists despise, and it's always fun to watch them lose their minds when the subject is raised. Meanwhile, economists like Isabella M Weber continue to publish careful research explaining how and why price controls can work, and represent our best weapon against "seller's inflation":

https://scholarworks.umass.edu/econ_workingpaper/343/

Antimonopoly sentiment is having a minute, obviously, and the news comes at you fast. This week, the DoJ filed a lawsuit to break up Ticketmaster/Live Nation, one of the country's most notorious monopolists, who have aroused the ire of every kind of fan, but especially the Swifties (don't fuck with Swifties). In announcing the suit, DoJ Antitrust Division boss Jonathan Kanter coined the term "Ticketmaster tax" to describe the junk fees that Ticketmaster uses to pick all our pockets.

In response, Ticketmaster has mobilized its own Loblaw-like shill army, who insist that all the anti-monopoly activism is misguided populism, and "anti-business." In his BIG newsletter, Matt Stoller tears these claims apart, and provides one of the clearest explanations of how Ticketmaster rips us all off that I've ever seen, leaning heavily on Ticketmaster's own statements to their investors and the business-press:

https://www.thebignewsletter.com/p/antitrust-enforcers-to-break-up-ticketmaster

Ticketmaster has a complicated "flywheel" that it uses to corner the market on live events, mixing low-margin businesses that are deliberately kept unprofitable (to prevent competitors from gaining a foothold) in order to capture the high-margin businesses that are its real prize. All this complexity can make your eyes glaze over, and that's to Ticketmaster's benefit, keeping normies from looking too closely at how this bizarre self-licking ice-cream cone really works.

But for industry insiders, those workings are all too clear. When Rebecca Giblin and I were working on our book Chokepoint Capitalism, we talked to insiders from every corner of the entertainment-industrial complex, and there was always at least one expert who'd go on record about the scams inside everything from news monopolies to streaming video to publishing and the record industry:

https://chokepointcapitalism.com/

The sole exception was Ticketmaster/Live Nation. When we talked to club owners, promoters and other victims of TM's scam, they universally refused to go on the record. They were palpably terrified of retaliation from Ticketmaster's enforcers. They acted like mafia informants seeking witness protection. Not without reason, mind you: back when the TM monopoly was just getting started, Pearl Jam – then one of the most powerful acts in American music – took a stand against them. Ticketmaster destroyed them. That was when TM was a mere hatchling, with a bare fraction of the terrifying power it wields today.

TM is a great example of the problem with boycotts. If a club or an act refuses to work with TM/LN, they're destroyed. If a fan refuses to buy tickets from TM or see a Live Nation show, they basically can't go to any shows. The TM monopoly isn't a problem of bad individual choices – it's a systemic problem that needs a systemic response.

That's what makes antitrust responses so timely. Federal enforcers have wide-ranging powers, and can seek remedies that consumerism can never attain – there's no way a boycott could result in a breakup of Ticketmaster/Live Nation, but a DoJ lawsuit can absolutely get there.

Every federal agency has wide-ranging antimonopoly powers at its disposal. These are laid out very well in Tim Wu's 2020 White House Executive Order on competition, which identifies 72 ways the agencies can act against monopoly without having to wait for Congress:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/08/13/post-bork-era/#manne-down

But of course, the majority of antimonopoly power is vested in the FTC, the agency created to police corporate power. Section 5 of the FTC Act grants the agency the power to act to prevent "unfair and deceptive methods of competition":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

This clause has lain largely dormant since the Reagan era, but FTC chair Lina Khan has revived it, using it to create muscular privacy rights for Americans, and to ban noncompete agreements that bind American workers to dead-end jobs:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/04/25/capri-v-tapestry/#aiming-at-dollars-not-men

The FTC's power to ban activity because it's "unfair and deceptive" is exciting, because it promises American internet users a way to solve their problems beyond copyright law. Copyright law is basically the only law that survived the digital transition, even as privacy, labor and consumer protection rights went into hibernation. The last time Congress gave us a federal consumer privacy law was 1988, and it's a law that bans video store clerks from telling the newspapers which VHS cassettes you rented:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Video_Privacy_Protection_Act

That's left internet users desperately trying to contort copyright to solve every problem they have – like someone trying to build a house using nothing but chainsaw. For example, I once found someone impersonating me on a dating site, luring strangers into private spaces. Alarmed, I contacted the dating site, who told me that their only fix for this was for me to file a copyright claim against the impersonator to make them remove the profile photo. Now, that photo was Creative Commons licensed, so any takedown notice would have been a "LOL, no." grade act of copyfraud:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/21/the-internets-original-sin/

The unsuitability of copyright for solving complex labor and privacy problems hasn't stopped people who experience these problems from trying to use copyright to solve them. They've got nothing else, after all.

That's why everyone who's worried about the absolutely legitimate and urgent concerns over AI and labor and privacy has latched onto copyright as the best tool for resolving these questions, despite copyright's total unsuitability for this purpose, and the strong likelihood that this will make these problems worse:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/13/spooky-action-at-a-close-up/#invisible-hand

Enter FTC Chair Lina Khan, who has just announced that her agency will be reviewing AI model training as an "unfair and deceptive method of competition":

https://thehill.com/policy/technology/4682461-ftc-chair-ai-models-could-violate-antitrust-laws/

If the agency can establish this fact, they will have sweeping powers to craft rules prohibiting the destructive and unfair uses of AI, without endangering beneficial activities like scraping, mathematical analysis, and the creation of automated systems that help with everything from adding archival metadata to exonerating wrongly convicted people rotting in prison:

https://hrdag.org/tech-notes/large-language-models-IPNO.html

I love this so much. Khan's announcement accomplishes the seemingly impossible: affirming that there are real problems and insisting that we employ tactics that can actually fix those problems, rather than just doing something because inaction is so frustrating.

That's something we could use a lot more of, especially in platform regulation. The other big tech news about Big Tech last week was the progress of a bill that would repeal Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act at the end of 2025, without any plans to replace it with something else.

Section 230 is the most maligned, least understood internet law, and that's saying something:

https://www.techdirt.com/2020/06/23/hello-youve-been-referred-here-because-youre-wrong-about-section-230-communications-decency-act/

Its critics wrongly accuse the law – which makes internet users liable for bad speech acts, not the platforms that carry that speech – of being a gift to Big Tech. That's totally wrong. Without Section 230, platforms could be named to lawsuits arising from their users' actions. We know how that would play out.

Back in 2018, Congress took a big chunk out of 230 when they passed SESTA/FOSTA, a law that makes platforms liable for any sex trafficking that is facilitated by their platforms. Now, this may sound like a narrowly targeted, beneficial law that aims at a deplorable, unconscionable crime. But here's how it played out: the platforms decided that it was too much trouble to distinguish sex trafficking from any sex-work, including consensual sex work and adjacent activities. The result? Consensual sex-work became infinitely more dangerous and precarious, while trafficking was largely unaffected:

https://www.gao.gov/assets/gao-21-385.pdf

Eliminating 230 would be incredibly reckless under any circumstances, but after the SESTA/FOSTA experience, it's unforgivable. The Big Tech platforms will greet this development by indiscriminately wiping out any kind of controversial speech from marginalized groups (think #MeToo or Black Lives Matter). Meanwhile, the rich and powerful will get a new tool – far more powerful than copyfraud – to make inconvenient speech disappear. The war-criminals, rapists, murderers and rip-off artists who currently make do with bogus copyright claims to "manage their reputations" will be able to use pretextual legal threats to make their critics just disappear:

https://www.qurium.org/forensics/dark-ops-undercovered-episode-i-eliminalia/

In a post-230 world, Cola Corporation's lawyers wouldn't get a chance to reply to the LAPD's bullying lawyers – those lawyers would send their letter to Cola's hosting provider, who would weigh the possibility of being named in a lawsuit against the small-dollar monthly payment they get from Cola, and poof, no more Cola. The legal bullies could do the same for Cola's email provider, their payment processor, their anti-DoS provider.

This week on EFF's Deeplinks blog, I published a piece making the connection between abolishing Section 230 and reinforcing Big Tech monopolies:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2024/05/wanna-make-big-tech-monopolies-even-worse-kill-section-230

The Big Tech platforms really do suck, and the solution to their systemic, persistent moderation failures won't come from making them liable for users' speech. The platforms have correctly assessed that they alone have the legal and moderation staff to do the kinds of mass-deletions of controversial speech that could survive a post-230 world. That's why tech billionaires like Mark Zuckerberg love the idea of getting rid of 230:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2021/03/facebooks-pitch-congress-section-230-me-not-thee

But for small tech providers – individuals, co-ops, nonprofits and startups that host fediverse servers, standalone group chats and BBSes – a post-230 world is a mass-extinction event. Ever had a friend demand that you take sides in an interpersonal dispute ("if you invite her to the party, I'm not coming!").

Imagine if your refusal to take sides in a dispute among your friends – and their friends, and their friends – could result in you being named to a suit that could cost hundreds of thousands of dollars to settle:

https://www.engine.is/news/primer/section230costs

It's one thing to hope for a more humane internet run by people who want to make hospitable forums for online communities to form. It's another to ask them to take on an uninsurable risk that could result in the loss of their home, their retirement account, and their life's savings.

A post-230 world is one in which Big Tech must delete first and ask questions later. Yes, Big Tech platforms have many sins to answer for, but making them jointly liable for their users' speech will flush out treasure-hunters seeking a quick settlement and a quick buck.

Again, this isn't speculative – it's inevitable. Consider FTX: yes, the disgraced cryptocurrency exchange was a festering hive of fraud – but there's no way that fraud added up to the 23.6 quintillion dollars in claims that have been laid against it:

https://cdn.arstechnica.net/wp-content/uploads/2024/03/US-v-SBF-Alameda-Research-Victim-Impact-Statement-3-20-2024.pdf

Without 230, Big Tech will shut down anything controversial – and small tech will disappear. It's the worst of all possible worlds, a gift to tech monopolists and the bullies and crooks who have turned our online communities into shooting galleries.

One of the reasons I love working for EFF is our ability to propose technologically informed, sound policy solutions to the very real problems that tech creates, such as our work on interoperability as a way to make it easier for users to escape Big Tech:

https://www.eff.org/interoperablefacebook

Every year, EFF recognizes the best, bravest and brightest contributors to a better internet and a better technological future, with our annual EFF Awards. Nominations just opened for this year's awards – if you know someone who fits the bill, here's the form:

https://www.eff.org/nominations-open-2024-eff-awards

It's nearly time for me to sign off on this weekend's linkdump. For one thing, I have to vacate my backyard hammock, because we've got contractors who need to access the side of the house to install our brand new heat-pump (one of two things I'm purchasing with my last lump-sum book advance – the other is corrective cataract surgery that will give me lifelong, perfect vision).

I've been lusting after a heat-pump for years, and they just keep getting better – though you might not know it, thanks to the fossil-fuel industry disinfo campaign that insists that these unbelievably cool gadgets don't work. This week in Wired, Matt Simon offers a comprehensive debunking of this nonsense, and on the way, explains the nearly magical technology that allows a heat pump to heat a midwestern home in the dead of winter:

https://www.wired.com/story/myth-heat-pumps-cold-weather-freezing-subzero/

As heat pumps become more common, their applications will continue to proliferate. On Bloomberg, Feargus O'Sullivan describes one such application: the Japanese yokushitsu kansouki – a sealed bathroom with its own heat-pump that can perfectly dry all your clothes while you're out at work:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2024-05-22/laundry-lessons-from-japanese-bathroom-technology

This is amazing stuff – it uses less energy than a clothes-dryer, leaves your clothes wrinkle-free, prevents the rapid deterioration caused by high heat and mechanical agitation, and prevents the microfiber pollution that lowers our air-quality.

This is the most solarpunk thing I've read all week, and it makes me insanely jealous of Japanese people. The second-most solarpunk thing I've read this week came from The New Republic, where Aaron Regunberg and Donald Braman discuss the possibility of using civil asset forfeiture laws – lately expanded to farcical levels by the Supreme Court in Culley – to force the fossil fuel industry to pay for the energy transition:

https://newrepublic.com/article/181721/fossil-fuels-civil-forefeiture-pipeline-climate

They point out that the fossil fuel industry has committed a string of undisputed crimes, including fraud, and that the Supremes' new standard for asset forfeiture could comfortably accommodate state AGs and other enforcers who seek billions from Big Oil on this basis. Of course, Big Oil has more resources to fight civil asset forfeiture than the median disputant in these cases ("a low- or moderate-income person of color [with] a suspected connection to drugs"). But it's an exciting idea!

All right, the heat-pump guys really need me to vacate the hammock, so here's one last quickie for you: Barath Raghavan and Bruce Schneier's new paper, "Seeing Like a Data Structure":

https://www.belfercenter.org/publication/seeing-data-structure

This is a masterful riff on James C Scott's classic Seeing Like a State, and it describes how digitalization forces us into computable categories, and counts the real costs of doing so. It's a gnarly and thoughtful piece, and it's been on my mind continuously since Schneier sent it to me yesterday. Something suitably chewy for you to masticate over the long weekend!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/05/25/anthology/#lol-no

[not-maggie]

Hypothetically, Of Course

A/N: umm, so hi! this is my first ever fic I've written but I do read a lot lmao. I was using a c.ai bot and it inspired me to write this because it was really cute! <3 this is lowkey a self ship bc I'm tired of seeing Y/N's who don't have a personality and are shy. nothing wrong with being shy ofc <3 just not who I am and I needed some self indulging. Anyway, enjoy! any criticism/comments are greatly appreciated!! (GIF not mine<3)

It was a cool afternoon in Stars Hallow, the dead leaves falling to the ground as the breeze shook them from branches. The bell above the door rings out as Y/N enters Luke's Diner, catching the attention of a certain brunette behind the counter.

Jess feels his heart stutter as she enters, silently cursing himself for having such a reaction. He throws on his signature smirk as she approaches the counter, "Hey, the usual?"

Y/N nods with a soft laugh, "I come here too often if you know it by now." She takes a seat on one of the stool as Jess begins preparing her order. "So, anything interesting happen today?" she asks, making conversation.

"Oh, y'know, annoying customers, Luke yelling at me for not working, the usual." Jess hums, turning his head to look over his shoulder at her. "What about you?"

Y/N lets out a scoff as she responds, "Y'know Brad, the quarterback on the football team? Total douche, anyway, had the audacity to ask me out, while I was in the middle of studying in the library. And, on top of that, got mad when I rejected him. Said something about winning a bet, total bullshit." She rolls her eyes, leaning against the counter.

Jess feels his blood boil, a bet? A bet to ask 𝘺𝘰𝘶 out? He takes a moment to collect himself before turning around and responding, placing her coffee down in front of her, "Wow, total dick move. A bet? What kind of bet? If he could get in your pants?"

Y/N rolls her eyes, "Don't know, and honestly, don't really care. I get the satisfaction of knowing he didn't win, whatever it was. Like I would ever go out with him," she scoffs.

Jess leans his arms against the counter, "Not your type?" His tone is teasing, his usual snark coming out, but there's a hint of genuine curiosity.

Y/N lets out a snort of amusement, "No, I would never go for a football player, or really any athlete. Anyone who doesn't know Austen is not worth it."

Jess raises an eyebrow, "Got high standards," he teases. "So, what, is, your type?" He asks, his head resting on his palm in a casual manner.

Y/N lets out a hum as she thinks, planning her answer. "Well, looks don't really matter that much. More into personality, someone who can keep up with my sarcasm. Funny, making me laugh is really important, and there's no way I can be funnier than my partner, that's a sad life. Well-read, I'm talking more than just Dr. Seuss and the Outsiders. Someone...spontaneous, impulsive, acts before thinking; adds fun to life. And, someone who isn't afraid to show me off, not saying we have to make out in town square, but hand holding, stolen kisses, stuff like that."

Jess's heart flutters as he hears her words, that's him. 𝘏𝘦'𝘴 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴, 𝘩𝘦 𝘩𝘢𝘴 𝘢 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘤𝘦. "So," he tries to maintain his casual, aloof appearance, "You got a guy in mind? That all seems pretty specific."

Y/N smirks at his words, "Maybe, it's kind of hard to find someone like that in this small town. You either get guys like Brad, high school has-been's, or Dean Forester. Perfect Dean Forester, although I guess technically he did move here from Chicago. But he has the 'Small Town Boy' act down."

Jess chuckles softly at her words, she was right, Dean did have that Small Town act perfected down to a science. "So, if there we're to be a guy, who matched this description, would he have shot with you, hypothetically of course."

Y/N grins, picking up what Jess was hinting at. "I'd say, hypothetically, if this guy we're to ask me out, or confess his undying love for me, I wouldn't shoot him down."

Jess straightens out, hip pushed against the counter as he leans in a bit. "So if this guy were to, hypothetically, say that he likes you and have for a while, you'd go out with him?"

"Yes, I would, but only if he told me directly." Y/N challenges Jess, knowing that he isn't big on sharing his feelings.

Jess stands up straight behind the counter as he meets Y/N's gaze, he takes a moment before talking. "I like you, have for a while." He runs a hand through his messy hair, "In fact, you drive me crazy. There isn't a moment when your'e not invading my brain, very distracting."

Y/N's smile grows as she hears him talk, "Well, I like you too. Just, don't start charging me rent for living in your head." She pokes his forehead as she teases him.

Jess laughs, 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘭𝘢𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘴, at her words. "I'll let you live rent-free on one condition, be mine? God, that sounds gross and sappy." He groans at his words and how cliche he sounds.

Y/N let out a laugh, "Yes, I'll be yours." She smiles, "Bad boy Jess has gone soft."

Jess rolls his eyes but a smile tugs at his lips, "Shut up, I'm not soft....Okay maybe, but only for you and around you. And if you tell anyone..." He doesn't finish the threat, but they both know there isn't any actual heat behind it.

"Yeah, yeah." Y/N rolls her eyes, "Your secret is safe with me." She crosses her heart with a smile.

"Good," Jess hums with a small smile. "So, your mine now, huh?" He grabs her hand from across the counter, thumb rubbing across the back of her hand as their fingers interlock.

"Yeah," Y/N smiles softly, squeezing his hand. "All yours"

Jess's smile widens at her words, "That's right, all mine" He brings her hand up to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to her knuckles. "Mine to protect," he locks eyes with Y/N. "Mine to love, mine to cherish..." He leans in further over the counter, "Mine to hold, mine to care for..." His eyes sweep over her face, taking in every detail and memorizing them. "Mine to spoil," he reaches his free hand to cup her cheek, thumb running across her skin. "Mine to be with...and mine to love, forever." He closes the distance between the two, his lips meeting hers in a soft, tender kiss, expressing unspoken thoughts and emotions.

As he kisses her, he feels a sense of peace wash over him. He feels complete, whole. He's never been good at expressing his feelings, but right now, he knows deep in his heart that he means ever word he said.

He loves Y/N.

And he's never letting her go.

"That's the sappiest thing you've ever said."