#i love human connection fr fr fr
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#i had so much fun tonight#i had dinner with my two uni friends i hadn’t seen them in a couple of months and hadn’t talked to them in a bit and we just talked#for hours about so many things and it was so fucking nice???? i forgot what it was like to share things with someone and be validated#and to just have fun and share your feelings and dreams and issues and AHHHHH#i’m genuinely really happy and i’m gonna make it a habit to text them more often at least#i’ve been so miserable these past few months and it just makes me wanna draw into myself and throw myself a pity party and i forget#there’s ppl who care about me and what i’m going through and who will listen and offer support and just#i love human connection fr fr fr#i also got a little anxious bc we were talking about Adult Things but honestly i don’t mind not having a big plan for life yet bc i feel#like i still wanna do so much and at one point i’m gonna get to do all of it but i know i’ll probably have to get a move on soon#and ngl sharing that with someone and having their support and not have it be a big deal makes me feel like i can actually do it#so here’s to having ppl who care about you <3#also i have work tomorrow and it’s 12 am and i’m wide awake rip
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salvation
#an attempt to portray the process of link turning zelda back to her human form#through unconditional love and sheer will#and thus healing his arm too#i just love totk's themes so much. redemption. love. connection.#true love saves fr fr#zelink#zelda#link#tears of the kingdom#the legend of zelda#breath of the wild#totk#totk spoilers#tloz fanart#flowerpower art
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i saw a post saying boom was good bc it feels like it could be done with any doctor/companion duo and honestly that was one of the things i felt was wrong with it
#in a show with a title character that could be Literally Anyone and a companion sharing the lead that could be Literally Anyone#i value the little moments that set this duo apart from the rest. ESPECIALLY when it comes to returning writers like rtd/moff#fifteen and ruby felt a little too eleven/twelve and clara adjacent in boom. in both their dialogue and characterization#space babies also landed a little weird at first bc it lifted a bit from end of the world BUT the scenes that fifteen and ruby#had to themselves. like ruby getting covered in snot and fifteen laughing. or fifteen and ruby looking after the Space Babies#or fifteen going out of his way to save the monster bc that monster is the only one of its kind Just Like Him Fr#that stuff is so good and its also something we haven't seen from another nuwho doctor. the vulnerable bleeding-heart empathy#and a dynamic w a companion that is basically 'two troublemakers that just deeply love fun and adventure and getting into trouble together'#oh yeah and also the devil's chord was peak fiction because it touches on fifteen's renewed connection and love for humanity#and marries it to ruby being a musician and how music like any art is the expression of the human soul etc etc#WHAT MAKES A DOCTOR WHO STORY GOOD TO ME IS PARTLY HOW THE PREMISE TIES INTO THE DOCTOR AND COMPANION'S CHARACTERS#IT HAS TO FEEL LIKE IT WAS TAILOR MADE TO THEM. ELSE IT WONT LAND RIGHT TO ME#i hate the take that they should've saved wild blue yonder for a fifteen episode bc#the tension is hinged on how well the doctor/companion know each other. u have a level of it that u can ONLY get#with fourteen and donna who are two halves of a whole soul but have also spent much more time missing the other than knowing them#im not rewatching fifteen's eps rn until a week later when i can watch it w my qpp but#rn i still feel a stronger sense of fifteen and ruby's characters from all the rtd-written eps rather moffat#which like. i get that a lot of that is my personal dislike of moffat's writing style but still#dr who#15 era#dw spoilers
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I love my mutual so much every time I see a post on my feed that I reblog I have to excited scroll to the top and see which one of my precious most dear chronically online comrads decided to grace my existence with the horrors of tumblr
#fr tho i love you guys and try so hard to interact in the most chill and not insane say possible#if anyone sends a reply on my posts or a dm about their random interest that we share#you cam bet your ASS i am EATING that shit UP#i love conversations#i love sharing memes and little tidbits that spark real human connection#communicating is my favorite part of humanity. we just. get to talk. and share thoughts. and see how our brains are different.#its amazing#youre amazing#youre all amazing#i love you#if i ses you on my dash i love you and value your existence#just because youre you and thats enough for me#mutuals#moots#love my mutuals#love my moots#you guys rock
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#first therapy session went well !#i didn't cry which is v surprising lol#maybe bc we didnt go too in depth about things but#therapist already picking up on things i didn't like#never really thought of myself as an anxious person#depression was more so what stuck out to me#but like therapist was like bestie... u sound more anxious than ur perceiving#like i put that i don't struggle with social anxiety bc generally in a group of people im pretty outgoing#but like my coping skills are isolation lol#and i often turn down invitations bc of my insecurities#and in general just hate being perceived despite wanting it#like i literally havent answered any asks on here in months bc#im afraid of what people think of me#and im scared of interaction#but im also dying for human connection lol :'))#i also avoid men completely bc trauma so yeah#and it all stems from a deep deep belief that i am not worthy of love n wOw im sad but like we can only go up from here right :'))#LMAO SORRY THAT THIS IS WHAT MY BLOG HAS BECOME BUT#idk this is my diary fr#anywho sorry for everything#will most likely delete all these rants bc its embarassing lol but#love you all#and im so sorry for not answering the asks#thank you for reading my fics#your comments mean sm to me truly#love you endlessly
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not to start shit but. tell me you didn't understand princess jellyfish without telling me you didn't understand princess jellyfish
#idk idk something about the lines we draw to divide women being ultimately useless as they degrade both sides#something something bridging gaps between people with different interests#something something literal actual sisterhood and solidarity between women#i'm never one to defend tiktok i'm not even on there and it surprises me that princess jellyfish is being brought up#but like. what is this supposed to mean. to 'tiktokify' something#girlboss narrative what hello? what? you're throwing words at me and i don't know what they mean#but it's hilarious that this post comes off as something the sisterhood would have posted before all their character development#because this is a story about empowerment not through appearance- but that inner change is what beauty is made of#the development tsumiki and the other members of the sisterhood get is not that now they dress well#but that their often self-imposed isolation is not an antidote to os being ostracized in high school and having social anxiety#and that they've dehumanized other women in the process of defending themselves#and it's not that they have to change who they are of their interests but that they full accept themselves and can therefore#be comfort with who they are#and better navigate the world. and form friendships . and human connection and FUCK#like what are you talking about#sorry i know no one here follows me for princess jellyfish takes but that's what we're gonna get today#i think when you have a fandom / readership as small as pj (in the west at least) every bad take hits that much harder lmao#anyway. kuranosuke princess rights. we are all princesses. etc etc#princess jellyfish#kuragehime#screeds#screeds fR FR#txt#i didn't want to tag this person or show their name bc it ain't personal i just want to address takes like these .#“girl's girls are toxic” “not like other girls are toxic” what if we were all princesses idk. what if we loved each other
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guys i have been in a state for days. i am giddy i am gasping for air i am broken inside i am blushing i am sweating i am twirling my hair i am suffering i dont know how to deal with the very real possibility that nandor has loved guillermo for years and has been restraining himself, feigning aloofness, keeping his distance, because all these years he understood that maybe guillermo would never be ready for vampirism - and maybe hes been so depressed in the latest years because hes finally found someone he wants to spend eternity with, and he strongly suspects he will spend eternity missing them instead
#i truly truly truly dont know how to deal#this season recontextualised the whole show for me#if i shipped nandermo before now i am absolutely batshit crazy about them and its all i think about#wwdits#wwdits spoilers#what we do in the shadows#nandermo#this is just speculation but i just - i feel it in my bones#like fuck imagine having been alone for 800 years. fuck. imagine losing lover after lover and being kind of a disaster at romance actually#imagine finding someone you so easily connect with and theyre so amazing you love them so much they can even hold their own against you#and fuck they like you back. and then you understand that they are too fundamentally kind to be a monster.#and its like a fucking stake through the heart its like youre made of glass and youre shattering#i hate this and i swear to god. they need to end up together. not just to end up together#they need to spend the rest of their lives together and ideally eternity tbh#i dont care gizmo you get over the killing hangup and have nandor turn you and spend eternity in#bliss and shenanigans. like man. man. man. i love how this season turned out i really do#but i hope its more of a ‘he had not thought it through and wasn’t ready and also we need to have nandor do it fr’#anyway nandor becoming human is also ok but i really hope that they find a way to navigate guillermos inability to kill#like. nandor killing for him or him robbing blood banks or him only hunting predators etc#or him feeding without killing people#just bc i still really like the concept of them having so much time together and their time together not be limited#i feel like after all those years pining for one another. they deserve that
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if any other bitch in konoha had been gay apart from sasuke none of this would have happened to my son naruto.
#pussy from the turbotron edgelord 3000 and his whole life went up in flame. NOT worth it#no but fr it's insane how he bamboozled every fan into thinking he was so interesting and cool and badass when .#at the point im at in shippuden hes by far the least interesting of the main characters. one track mind (vengeance) and no depth beyond that#like the other characters rn : sakura coming in to her own ; finding her path and her strength + sharing a connection so deep with naruto#over their common loss that they both just Know although they absolutely cant talk about it#yamato: the only survivor of orochimaru's monstrous experiments on children; kakashi's stand in thats so different from kakashi#it makes you wonder what it would have been like with him as their teacher from the start;#a mystery thats clearly trying his best but whose mission truly is A Lot#SAI: A BRAINWASHED SPY A PAWN FOR A SECRET ORGANISATION WHO CLINGS TO HIS HUMANITY NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES HES BEEN PUNISHED FOR IT#WHO FELL IN LOVE WITH NARUTO FOR MAKING HIM REALIZE HOW DEEP THINGS COULD BE FELT AND HOW DEEP RELATIONSHIPS COULD RUN#WHO HAS BEEN DRAWING A BOOK FOR HIS DEAD BROTHER FOR YEARS EVEN IF HE'S FORGOTTEN WHAT HIS BROTHER LOOKS LIKE#WHO DECIDED TO SPARE SASUKE BECAUSE HE'S LOVED. WHO JUST WANTS TO LEARN HOW TO LIVE A HUMAN LIFE.#MOST AUTISTIC CODED CHARACTER OF ALL TIMES HAS NEVER SUCCESSFULLY MASKED A DAY IN HIS LIFE.#sasuke: sasuke#anyway. im not touching on naruto because i could be here for days#BUT while sasuke on his own so far is very whatever. the narusasu dynamic is truly one for the ages#bc i just saw the ep where sasuke manages to see kyuubi inside naruto and wooshes him away and it's very like.#oh so hes literally seeing naruto's demons and banishing them even as hes telling naruto they dont matter to each other anymore.#oh ok cool cool cool cool this feels normal and not something to obsess over#jesus christ why am i typing all this. who here cares#naruto thoughts
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thinking about my oc Bytte. and. her gender is Aro. her Aromanticism is inextricable from her gender experience.
#toy txt post#i love to make an alloaro oc whos a woman navigating a usually masculine role in society far before we ever coined aromanticism#whos Aromanticism informs so much about her but with no language to adequately describe it she doesnt really know how#and so she does kinda blow up her relationships by accident bc she does Want human connection#and what she Wants is to fuck someone whos friends with her and chill about it who will just be fucking Normal about it#and Not Make It A Big Thing and also for other people to not make it a big thing and they can hang out and be friends#but never fucking domesticize her. and its in part a rejection of the misogynistic role of Wife in historic (and even modern) society of#course but its also a rejection of the relationship hierarchy of Wife. of the romanticization. bc of her circumstances the only role on#offer of course has been Wife. but in the hypothetical situation where she was offered the role of Husband? she would at first probably#accept that. in theory. it sounds fine. sure. but if she tried to LIVE like that. to Live even as a Husband. it would Also be Wrong. to put#any of her relationships into that framework is to fundamentally ruin them forever. and she is living in a society that wants that to be#the only framework. anyway its crazy how ive made a character like that exactly Twice at least#(Bytte and Lucille. Bytte is a bit more genderfucky than Lucille. Lucilles gender is also ugly violent scary woman. for reasons)#both of these characters rn are cis. well. not /cis/ cis but theyre afab and women bc i want to explore that but i am thinking lately about#a transfem take. to explore. ive considered it and i dont think i want that for Bytte? all that means is watch out for future ocs#i could do a character very similar to Bytte as transfem and it would be really good but theres something about#and honestly it would probably make more SENSE for Bytte? due to gender roles in like ancient sparta or whatever?#but if shes transfem in sparta i think there would be subtle nuanced differences in how ppl interact w her that i dont necessarily want for#her? if that makes sense. i know this reasoning sounds weak in a vacuum but i Promise i have way more characters than this and i do want to#explore things differently. i promise there are complex transfem characters in witchverse and also complex characters whos asab im not#decided on yet. there are some im not sure i ever want to be decided on? the downside of being incredibly specific about fictional#characters is that it doesnt leave you all room for headcanons#sorry. good news is you can go make your own ocs about it 👍 idk. much to explore. much to think about#also sometimes a ''''cis'''' character CAN have a fun gender to play with honestly its just that mainstream media Never does#so theres no good way to be like no but listenn i swear its fun#anyway this is all moot cos im not a fucking writer im just making up little guys and doing nothing#also anyway. i think my gender is also aro and a little ace. personally. also before u get mad at me about these 2 ocs being like#probelmatic aro rep or smth: 1) aforementioned its moot anyway im not even a writer 2) these arent the only alloaro ocs i have its just#funny that i made this one twice lmao 3) my brain is huge. my ocs are rad. suck my ass. ♡#if only i Was a writer tho god. thered be sooooo many aro characters fr fr
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ok I think this april fools joke is dangerous bc I’m starting to trick myself ^^;
#‘Oooh Dolphin posted something…. wait a minute’#just pav things#having a cloud strife moment fr#another one of my emo loves when it came to characters in the past <3#back when Archie was in his hallucinatory era (early 2019) that was another blorbo I tried growing his personality from~#I think this is when Archie gained his status as a human experiment too ^^ that’s still consistent today :3#however his relationship to spiriters was different bc they didn’t work the same back then#he had a stronger hunger for power then and they provided ✨#but when I decided to rework things and connect them to his mask things became very different :3#So yeah Archie was built in years of self-loathing traumatised awkward little bitches so really#in hindsight it makes too much sense for why he ended up being so resonant with the bestie <3
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drives me insane that they compare fall of the house of usher to succession im sorry but she will never be that girl
#i love how ppl are saying also they are supposed to be bad people so thats why i dont sympathize with them#which in my opinion is just bad writing#you write a show about the deaths of siblings which are connected to the fathers greed and you fail to make it tragic#okay but you take an inherent tragic situation and by making the characterd flat you take the teagic out of the situation#the characters in succession were also terrible people but they were written in such a way that they could portray the human condition#the only well written character was the father fr
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Is there a more wholesome prank than already having covered the bill and seeing the other guy's face when he comes back frm the cash register
#just to be clear i didnt pay the bill. i just witnessed it happen bc 2 guys frm volunteering saw me pass by a cafe#where they were already mid conv and they called me over. and then we talked fr like three hours lol#i wasn't even supposed to be there! i had planned to spend the rainy day inside reading a book!!#except it was nice out and my neighbours were loud and this is the one day in the week the library is open till late#and i took a diff route to drop off glass recycling and then almost took a diff route to a park instead of the library#instead i spent a great time getting to know my colleagues better :) i love the funny little connections of humanity and being alive#anyway.
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i am THINKING and PONDERING bc i just finished season one of My Beautiful Man/Utsikushii Kare and the godhood stuff with Hira placing this godhood on Kiyoi and Kiyoi trying to get Hira to see him as an equal/ "just an ordinary man" is bringing me back to my punkflower & ghodhood stuff liiiiiike imma have to binge s2 and mbm: eternal bc ooooooo i might start talking about punflower & godhood again
#like its DIFFERENT bc for punkflower the placement of godhood is MUTUAL#they BOTH feel this way abt the other- in that detatched sort of way of something you love but could never dream of having#something that brings both immense pain and incredible joy#but see i think that its a direct effect of the godhood/priest dynamic and SO to change out of that into equals would be soooo good#equals as what though is the question. both gods? both human? they've only ever known humanity and godhood is a human concept-#its parameters are decided by humans so who is to say that to be human is not to be godly? that to be godly is to be human?#the punklflwer & godhood as it stands is where they both have strong desire but that's all. connection and nutual understanding is next#in the spirit of a not-quite-yet though it might be only a little closer to the Finally but i have no issue getting to the Finally if it so#calls for it#AGH ok gods im fr abt watchign the rest n thinking abt punkflower#fishy's bubbles
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My favourite "Lev being funny though I don't actually know if he's being funny on purpose" thing is him randomly telling me shit he's eaten. Like I'll tell him something while he's possessing my body like "ugh god don't eat that food it was left out, might have had bugs crawl on it" and he'll already be eating it saying something like "I've eaten bugs I don't care". I can't tell you how many times I've heard "I've eaten worse" when it comes to all sorts of shit like raw meat and sea creatures and intestines and bugs and plants and all sorts of animals and ROCKS (when he was around earlier he tried so hard to not say he likes lapis lazuli because of its texture lmfao and I could feel it)
Tho I have to give special mention bc it's still playing in my head to the funniest fucking time (paraphrased) -
Random YouTube video of this slimy huge millipede-esque creature wriggling: Would you eat this -
Lev: Yes.
Random video: - for a million dollars?
Lev: Yes. Give me my money
Me: You'd eat that??
Lev: Yes. And I want a million dollars. Give it to me
#I can't remember if he said he's already eaten something like that or if he was just like yes? Obviously?#But I fucking love him#IM. SUDDENLY AWARE OF THE FACT THAT HE SPENDS A LOT OF TIME IN CHINA AND IDENTIFIES A LOT AS CHINESE THIS IS.#NOT. PLEASE DONT CONNECT THESE THINGS this is me talking about someone who is not from Earth lmfao even if he finds his#home there. I have to say this bc I started work on a pic of him today in his Eastern dragon form thinking about how there's that one#Chinese story about a dragon teaching humans writing which. Is the most fucking him thing I have ever fucking heard#But yeah no this is just him he's just like that#God the autistic fucking mood of ''hehe this is funny!'' and then people being like ''oh because (stereotype) right 😏'' no?#Just because it's funny? I enjoy it and am entertained by it just because of what it is? It doesn't have to hide a meaning?#Anyway. MAYBE I SHOULDN'T HAVE EVEN MADE THE CLARIFICATION I just got fucking smacked by the fact that that's going to be one of my next#uploads of him probably tomorrow so#God fr I'm struggling Autistically(tm) now bc I'm like. Is it rude to clarify and remind people thats a thing. Or is it rude to not clarify.#ramblings //#leviathan //
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really want to read more and more literature (esp classics!) aghhhh yesterday iirc i was on a walk with my mom and twin and an old guy (not a weirdo dw) who was jogging or walking too actually asked what book i was carrying and it's a little funny bcs uhm he just went "oh a classic!" you see. i was carrying dante's inferno. which i still haven't properly started to read but anyways he might... if my mom is right... be the local parish guy so oopsies !! LMAO anyways yeah really interested in lovecraft for a while now! horror scares me and gives me paranoia but i also enjoy the writing of it? and i remember once that something/someone said my writing is kinda similar to his. hm.
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#i never talk about literature here but hi i grew up reading books and i really love literature. both fiction and non-fiction! admittedly i#less prefer modern books because i prefer classics and all that? and i kinda fucking hate people who only like boring and/or famous#literature lmfao fuck you but anyways putting my bitterness aside! arthur conan doyle with 'sherlock' of course & 'a dream within a dream'#dazai with 'no longer human' is something i think i'll really enjoy reading one day as well and hmm#i never properly read 'lord of the rings' despite my relative having the books and i borrowed it once? but didn't make the time to actually#read it unfortunately :(( 'the great gatsby' is something i also have yet to read and then jane austen's works!#and then. louisa may alcott ... i asked my mom right now about her books that we have/had and i did not fucking know we had#'little women' all this time holy shit. i remember reading 'a modern cinderella' but also i am unsure now... but yeah. that/those too!#shakespeare's works are of course a must-read hehe we do have 'the tempest' and i've read a couple of his works but only a little bit#either based off the knowledge i just. know. or for school back then! but yeah. you probably know his works already lmao <3#and then uhmm 'phantom of the opera' we have now as well! bought it alongside yk. 'the tempest' 'inferno' 'paradise lost & regained'#a few months ago but tbh i haven't made it very far in reading any of them yet but i really want to sometime! and learn more guitar!#and get back to playing piano and also finish and play more games but anyways. yes.#george orwell's books! we have a few if i'm not mistaken (love my family fr) i really want to read them. my dad keeps recommending#his works for us to read. especially 'animal farm' but i've heard '1984' is really good. i also really want to read more of narnia!#only ever read the first book and wow it meant a lot to me tbh? with. growing up and all. and then i read a bit of another book hmm.#'to kill a mockingbird' was something i have wanted to read since i read 'the hunger games' as a kid because i for some reason connected#the two in a way because of the word mockingbird. and then uh other books that i don't think are as... classics. idk what are classics tbh.#BUT okay yeah i still haven't read 'a monster calls' but i know it made my twin and mom cry! and then 'the fault in our stars' we have but#i also haven't read it... haven't read the witcher books either and then george r. r. martin's stuff. tbf i'm not an adult yet so lmfao.#'the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy' i know my dad really wants to read and i know my tita has it but i'm not completely sure if we have#it ourselves too now? but yeah. really interested in that book as well. and then i have yet to read 'frankenstein' and then i'd love to#reread books from my childhood from authors like roald dahl !! and then man i should read more from#neil gaiman ... i've read his short stories? and a book. or few. i can't really remember.#anyways. okay. running out of tags but i really love literature ..... <3#also want to read more of modern literature tbh! the ones that are actually good tho <33
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i always talk about being sad when i’m sad, so lets add some positivity to my blog, shall we?
(basically a long story about me being a big softie about friendship)
I really like one of my coworkers (friend from work? maybe) and she lives in another city (we’re fully remote). and like we really vibe, i think we’re v alike - similar sense of humor, both chronically online/into fandom- but also with some differences and we could have a v good friendship if we could hang out more often
Anyway, we had a work event this last week so we saw each other in person and it’s always fun! It ended on saturday, we went home, but she had to come to my city for a meeting tomorrow morning so i offered for her to stay over at my place (so she could arrive today and not travel early) AND SHE ACCEPTED??
like i was(am) GENUINELY excited to have her over??!! and i know she (like me) is v much a homebody so she truly wouldn’t accept it if she didn’t feel comfortable (she was allowed to stay at a hotel for the night) so i was v happy/honored to like, get this token of trust?? it might sound crazy but it is meaningful, and lately/post pandemic i became completely unaccustomed to making friends (all my friends - which are few - are v old ones). even more so as an adult, i’m so aware of how intentional you have to be in order to get close to someone and it’s been so long i felt this excited to hang out with someone
NE WAY i feel soft that’s it
#she yaps#happiness log#like feeling giddy abt spending time w someone#i love human connection fr#even if its hidden underneath endless banter and jokes - it’s there
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