#i love how they are constantly chasing after each other but never truly able to BE together.

[technofinch]

guys im drunk and decided to watch wrestling and i tune in to sami CONFESSING HIS LOVE FOR KEVIN and kevin DRIVING AWAY WITHOUT A WORD and HOW am i supposed to handle this

[kumabeom]

anti romantic

chapter 1 : love is a lie, i loved that lie

synopsis : anti romantic, college student choi yeonjun who thinks he’s seen everything in a relationship, promising himself that he won’t go through another relationship ever again to prevent himself from going through another heartbreak. that was until he sees yn, a classmate, chasing his heart. will his walls be enough to scare yn away, or will they continue chasing yeonjun with all they have ?

yeonjun walked into his first class of the day, americano in his right hand, tote bag hanging off of his left shoulder.. although he stopped as soon as he walked in, realizing that him and yoojung had the same class. he wasn’t necessarily surprised, after all him and yoojung had met because they were both doing a fashion design major.. however he had somehow forgotten, the problem also lied in the fact that it was almost a full class, meaning nearly all the seats in the lecture room were full.

yeonjun’s eyes examined the room, he couldn’t just pray that yoojung didn’t show up, because what if his manifestation failed and then he was stuck sitting next to a cheater. he couldn’t help but think how many times he was sitting next to her a day after she had cheated on him, how many times had he kissed her after someone else’s lips had been on hers. yeonjun bit his lip, chewing on it, deciding to play it safe. finding an empty seat to one of his classmates. not paying much attention to who it was, all he knew was that he had never seen them before. little did he know that the person next to him was completely fangirling over him, yet they somehow managed to keep their composure.

yn woke up today, thinking it was just gonna be another day full of lectures, admiring choi yeonjun from afar, and then eating before going to sleep. had someone told them that they were going to be sitting next to THE choi yeonjun for their first lecture of the day then they would have probably pinched themselves thinking it was another silly little daydream.

however, yn also woke up in a particularly magnificent mood. the sleep they had gotten was beyond being able to explain, their feet did not immediately get hot after waking up which usually made them get up earlier attempting to get rid of their hot feet condition. yn stayed in bed a little longer after being woken up from their noisy alarm. the walk to uni was not unbearable due to the bright sun or the freezing wind, rather it was a perfect mix of the two, the sun managed to not blind them the minute they stepped outside, and the cold breeze was much more bearable than they had expected. and before entering the lecture room, soobin, their baking buddy, had finally agreed to give them a handful of small little fruit tarts, which they had already ate half of them. and now- choi yeonjun was sitting right next to them.

while yn was bouncing their leg in excitement and nervousness, yeonjun was in the complete opposite situation, yes he was also bouncing his leg, but more due to nervousness, he really hoped that yoojung would not show up, he knew that he would have to face her at some point but he truly wished that it wouldn’t be today.

yeonjun’s wishes, however, were not met. the wooden door creaked open. yoojung walking in, her expression was noticeably worried, anyone in the room could connect the dots, yoojung and yeonjun had obviously broken up, or fought, but it was very obvious. especially when yeonjun and yoojung were constantly by each others side, their relationship was very publicly known, they always sat next to each other. and even though your wishes were being fulfilled, you couldn’t help but feel yourself worry over the couple.

even though it worried yn, they couldn’t help but come up with the idea of distracting the boy next to them. “hey, do you have some of the notes from yesterday ?” you asked, quite worried about the confrontation, you didn’t want to look like a creep nor did you want it to look like you were trying to take advantage of the fact that he had just fought with yoojung.

“.. i do,” it took him a moment before he replied, his blonde hair moved quickly as he reached into his tote bag, his americano waiting right on top of the table that multiple students shared. yeonjun’s hand lingered around his bag.. where was his ipad, the one he had written all of his notes in ? had he not put it in his bag last night before going to bed, although to be honest, last night was definitely not the best, after witnessing his girlfriend cheating on him, he went back to his place with kai, who took care of him throughout the night. “..not, i’m so sorry.”

yeonjun picked up his head, eyes finally meeting yours for the first time. your heart couldn’t help but pound, he was handsome from afar and it was even more unbelievable that he was this ethereal.

“it’s okay, i didn’t really need them. i just noticed that you looked a bit- uncomfortable.”

“oh- thank you.. ah- also can you send me your notes later.”

“y-yeah, i can.. but umm.. i hope my note taking system doesn’t bother you too much. i tend to write my notes a bit differently..”

“it’s fine, i’m the same way. oh should i give you my number ? it’d be easier than taking pictures of your notes.”

“whatever you’re more comfortable doing is fine, if it’s more efficient then i don’t mind.” you quietly spoke, realizing that the lecture had started. you watched as yeonjun signaled you to hand over your phone, copying down his phone number onto your contacts.

and yoojung could only watch your interactions from afar; the smile on yeonjun’s face as the two of you giggled over somethings which she didn’t know what the subject was. she really regretted last night, had she been more careful then she wouldn’t be in this situation.

©️ kumabeom

taglist : @soobadooba @beoms-sugar @yxnjvnnie @myahfig4 @sato-chan-2709 @grayscorner @run2seob

[grapejuicestyless]

Sick Of The Chase

Harry Styles x fem!reader

Summery: Y/n is what she considers a “killer.” Her relationships constantly falling apart in the same pattern, she can’t help but believe her failures are because of her. All she needed was one person to break that cycle. Based off Killer by Phoebe Bridgers.

Sometimes I think I’m a killer. I scared you in your house. I even scare myself sometimes when I’m talking, rambling on your couch. But there’s nothing I can do. This is who I am, this is who I’m destined to be. The woman with a twisted mind and an even darker dating history.

A bloody trail of broken hearts, inconsolable nights spent chasing after the next loved one who had enough and got the fuck out.

And there’s nothing I can do.

It all started the same. An innocent man and an overly believing woman crossing paths by some kind of fate. The gravity would pull us together and we’d spend the next few moments of our lives together.

We would vow to see each other again, and we would. And the next months would be spent between the sheets with lips pressing to our cheeks and lips sore from our sorry smiles.

And before the clock would strike midnight, around the year long mark achievement that marked our love, it would become too much every time. Our abilities to work things out not yet prepared for the intense fights we would have.

The drifting was irreparable as all that was left to do was sit there idly waiting for the final blow that would break the camels back.

I would watch them leave just as it began. Some fate pulling us apart as it was always meant to be. And the proclaimed love of my life would walk out just as quickly as he would enter.

How stupid I was to have fallen into the trap of my own feelings yet again. How cruel of a trick I had played on myself for believing this could be different. That he would stay.

Harry entered my life just past the new year, confetti stuck in his hair and the rose spread across my cheeks from the warmth the alcohol transferred into my blood. His curls were lively, even when matted in sweat from dancing all night.

He stayed to pick up the aftermath, as did I. The quiet enveloped us, soft breathing and footsteps uneven and heavy. How funny it was how quickly history is ready to repeat itself as soon as you forget why you were so sad.

Ever the beautiful fool, I became hooked. The sickness that came from the chase buried underneath the desperation for blood. The undying want for his arms to hold me in the coldest nights and for his laughter to ring in my ears in the most humid rain storms.

We just fit. We shared the same interests, but we’re different enough to be able to share the enjoyment of teaching each other new hobbies and skills. Everything in my life became Harry coded.

From the apron hung on the door just for him when we’d bake to the strawberry shaped bowl on my counter top that reminded me of his love for summer. I had truly drowned in my infatuation for him.

But my love and my effort was never enough, in the end. And right around that December mark, just before the year anniversary, I watched as the fights that ceased to exist became a frequent part of our routine. I watched as his happiness turned into anger and mine into a deep rooted depression I couldn’t run from.

I couldn’t sleep next to him, some nights. Even as harmless as he was. The feeling of his arms around me only reminded me of our bitter words and unresolved arguments. The couch became my sanctuary. A place where sobbing seemed easier to do, and breathing was slightly clearer.

We progressed, sick but too ashamed to admit it for weeks. Apologies lingering only to be shattered within the next few hours as the next storm rolled in.

Yet, the killer that I was, the sad, mellow woman I became in every relationship still wasn’t enough to tame the fire that was him.

I sat there, sick and tired. My mind was barely there. A machine might as well have been keeping me alive, the way I had been feeling.

The stress came through my fingers. Knuckles white from pulling out the ends in a desire to make it stop. The fragile ending of a beautiful romance too much to think about.

But Harry, even in our most difficult time, found a way to surprise me. He kissed my rotting head, watching as my feet curled under my bottom and I tried to sink into the cushions, he refused to pull the plug. He let the wire twist, watched the rope burn slowly until only a strand held it together.

He refused to walk out and leave what we had built behind. That harsh question of, what was left to do for us, became answered in that resilience he showed.

In our darkest hour, in the softest whisper he promised me, “I know there’s something waiting for us.”

The road seemed narrow, walls closing in around us but he would hold them apart with all his strength until we figured it out. The cycle breaking bit by bit. With his promise to not abandon what we had, I grew the strength to give the same back to him.

There is something waiting for us.

[skitskatdacat63]

misc lore drop day 47/?

Something I like to do with ships is have them like each other's objectively negative traits over their positive traits. The positive traits are a nice bonus, but when they can appreciate each other's negative aspects before anything else? That's the best. I guess it comes down to having a different perspective. Maybe others would see the negative trait for what it is, and hate them for it, but not them. I guess maybe there’s this inherent desire for someone to know you at your worst and still be able to love you for it. So I like the idea of one clearly being able to recognize the other’s negative traits, and still be very aware they’re in fact negative, but feel fond about them. Yes, you’re a bastard for this, but I can’t hate you for it. Anyways that was that most vague segue ever. I said yesterday, “I wonder if Fernando would hate him for it, or if it would make him feel reluctantly approving.” That’s a very interesting facet of their relationship. Even though they still dislike each other in many ways, they deeply understand each other’s terrible traits, and are usually willing to let bad behavior slide more than a normal person probably would. I like that push and pull, it’s so difficult for outsiders to understand. Like, “yes, I HATE when he does [insert bad/terrible] thing but…I appreciate the game, okay?? You wouldn’t get it!!”

They bond over their respective argumentative nature in the first place, after all. Something literally everyone else in their lives cannot stand. They meet each other, and instantly think, “Oh my god, this bastard is so infuriating.” Yet, at the same time, can’t stop smiling when they think about the other man. Yes, that bastard is infuriating, but… in the same way I’m infuriating to other people. There’s something about knowing the other person can’t genuinely hate you for your negative traits, because they get it. Even with traits they don’t exactly share, like Seb’s brattiness, or Fernando’s standoffishness, they still can appreciate it. I guess there’s some level of comfort in knowing the other person knows they can be as terrible as they want, and not fear backlash from you, which means you can do the same. There’s something about learning and accepting the worst parts of another person, before you even really learn the good parts. It says something about their relationship that they were able to make it through outright hatred, and still stay together. If that makes any sense at all. 

So, back to Seb’s ruthlessness. Even if Fernando is pissed at him for choices he’s made that have intentionally gone on to negatively impact Fernando, he still can’t hate him for it. He respects how cutthroat Seb can be, and even if he wouldn’t have gone about it the same way, he can respect the depth to how calculating Seb’s move was. And again, there’s something comforting about someone willing to admit to their worst traits in front of you, and not really fear you hating them forever for it. It means the same would go for you. Fernando is pretty self destructive in the beginning of the relationship, because he’s trying desperately to get out of it. Remember, a part of him likes the deal, but the other, bigger part of him feels like he shouldn't stand for it. Yet, even though he’s a constant, standoffish bastard to Seb constantly, Seb just…keeps chasing him. Despite Seb being jjust as bad back to him, through lording his power over Fernando’s head constantly and acting like a spoiled brat, Fernando never actually makes any truly, real attempt to get out of it, even though he knows he could. They are constantly at each other’s throats, but don’t feel put off like other people probably would. It’s all part of the game, all part of the ritual.

They hate each other but don't hate hate each other. They're able to recognize that they're probably the only people who could put up with each other, and not be fully turned away by the bad parts. Like, yes you do these terrible things. and I don't particularly like that you do them. But I can't hate you for it because I'm just as bad., and you see that and accept it. I think for them its easier to accept their flaws first before their positive traits. Easier to find similarities through that. To avoid not hating the other person for how much better they are in certain ways. But rather being able to say, "ah we're both just as deep down in the dirt." For example, Fernando doesn't like Seb's bratty behavior. But then can be like: well, I'm pissy, am I really any better? Instead of looking at his good traits and thinking: ah fuck is he better than me?? they can eventually appreciate the good parts of each other but it's hard to get past that inherent competitive nature over everything. It's easier to first recognize they both have their problems but that they're both still willing to stick by each other despite it.

[ailendolin]

Whump Wednesday - 49 - BBC Ghosts

Title: One Day [AO3]

Characters: The Captain & Fanny, George Button, Lieutenant Havers

Prompt: Fanny and the Captain reconcile after the wedding - Prompt sent in by the lovely @viola-halogen.

A/N: This turned out to be a lot more introspective than I originally planned but I hope you like what I came up with 💙

Prompts are open, so if you want me to write a story for you as well just send me an ask with the fandom, characters and your prompt. I’m writing for Ghosts, Yonderland, Horrible Histories and Bill at the moment.

Six Idiots Whump Wednesday / Fluff Friday masterlist is here.

————

One Day

“What made you change your mind?”

With a frown on her face, Fanny turn to face the Captain. “Hm?”

“The wedding,” he explained. “What made you change your mind about attending?”

“Oh,” Fanny said softly.

It was one thing for Thomas to acknowledge her change of heart but quite another when the Captain did it. Fanny was very well aware of his … inclinations. He had tried to hide it when he was alive but one had to have been blind to not see the longing looks he’d sent his fetching lieutenant whenever said lieutenant wasn’t looking at him or recognise the constant stammering and throat-clearing for what it was when he was. It had bothered her a lot less than she’d thought it would, given her personal experience with men like him. Fanny had often pondered why that was. She’d always figured it was because of his self-control – something she couldn’t help but admire. Or selflessness, rather, Fanny supposed, thinking back to the day the young lieutenant had left and a letter full of secrets had been buried in the ground instead of shared as it had been meant to.

It had also helped tremendously that the Captain had never made any advances whatsoever on any of the other male ghosts after his death. Fanny would have bet her favourite brooch on him becoming a fumbling mess over Thomas’s admittedly handsome looks or perhaps Humphrey’s noble intellect, yet the only thing on the Captain’s mind in those early days of his ghostly existence had been establishing a new routine and sense of normalcy for himself. It was something they’d all done when they died, each in their own ways, of course, until they eventually realised how pointless that was. The Captain had never stopped chasing that reminder of his life, though – had indeed found a kindred soul in Patrick only a few decades later.

Fanny used to believe that the Captain kept to his strict schedule to keep his mind off the feelings he secretly harboured for one of the other male ghosts but now she wasn’t so sure anymore. Over the last few months – perhaps even years – he had become noticeably less guarded around them. Every now and then he would let a comment slip that would raise eyebrows – Julian’s, especially, seemingly unaware of how revealing his words were. No one had ever called him out on it and Fanny definitely would not be the first to do so but it seemed his personal stance on his attraction to men had weakened over the years.

Hence his excitement for the two-brides-wedding.

Fanny couldn’t say how she would have reacted if the Captain had made peace with that part of himself before this day, let alone shared it with them. On the one hand, he was the closest thing she had ever had to a best friend. They were of similar mind and opinion on so many matters that she couldn’t help but gravitate towards him, even knowing a part of him was like that no-good husband of hers. But on the other hand, she wasn’t sure she would be able to stand being constantly reminded of all those vile things George had done right under her nose.

She paused suddenly; reflecting, wondering if those things George had done had truly been as vile as she’d always believed them to be. The cheating was, obviously, not to mention the part where he’d pushed her out of a window and murdered her but Fanny couldn’t deny that her talk with Humphrey had opened her eyes to a world she had purposely ignored before – a world where something as universal as love was dangerous, where its discovery led to terror and blind panic and sometimes, as Fanny could attest to, ended in death and tragedy. Perhaps, she thought reluctantly, she and George had not been so different after all. In the end, they had both been stuck in an unhappy marriage with no way out, albeit for different reasons. She had found comfort in her pets and, like the Captain, in a routine that prevented her eyes and hands from wandering where they were not meant to be. George, always weaker of mind, had eventually reached for what life had denied him: happiness, even if it was brief and stolen in precious short moments.

Could Fanny truly blame him for that? For wanting to feel the touch of someone who actually loved and desired him? For kissing lips that smiled into the caress and reciprocated it gladly? For no longer hiding a part of him that he couldn’t change anyway?

Even more importantly: could she blame the Captain for wanting the same?

The answer, in retrospect, seemed so clear that Fanny wanted to shake her head at herself: of course she couldn’t. Just like she couldn’t blame herself for all the times she’d cried herself to sleep in this large, empty house and wished for a better life, a simpler one that would let her utilise her mind instead of forcing it into obedient silence. It was not weakness at all that had driven George into other men’s arms, she realised; it had been courage. Courage to reach for something no one would understand; to defy society and make the most of a life that was so terribly short and be true to one’s self instead of hiding behind polite smiles and proper manners.

Fanny blinked against the sudden burning in her eyes. Even in death, she still hadn’t found that courage that had come so easily to George and the Captain was slowly discovering inside himself. She’d pretended so fiercely all her life to be less than what she was that she did not know how to be anything else anymore. What was there left if Lady Button was stripped away from her?

Nothing but a lonely woman.

That would have been her answer before her death. Now, though – now Fanny looked around the room and saw Thomas dancing, Humphrey softly singing along to the music, Mary and Robin bickering, Kitty smiling like the brightest star in the sky and Pat stopping Julian from wreaking havoc. She saw a group of people she had chosen just as little as she’d chosen George all those years ago, and yet unlike him, they had become her family. With them around, she did not have to fear loneliness, no matter if she chose to be Lady Button for the rest of her afterlife or decided to finally uncover Fanny after all these years.

A smile tugged at her lips as she turned towards the Captain. “I had a talk with Humphrey earlier. About marriage and free choice and how those things, or the lack of them rather, influenced our lives. It opened my eyes quite a bit, I have to admit.”

“Did it now?” There was a spark in the Captain’s eye – a spark that looked an awfully lot like repressed hope. Fanny’s chest tightened in sudden sympathy as she realised just how much her opinion must matter to him, especially on this issue.

She linked her arm with his and gently steered him out of the room with its music and dancing to a quieter area of the house.

“We have been friends for a very long time, haven’t we?” she began softly.

The Captain glanced at her, surprised, and cleared his throat. “I’d say so. Almost seventy years now.”

“A lifetime, for some,” Fanny said. “I dare say that’s long enough to know someone and find out whether or not they’re a good person at heart. I never had that time with George, and even if I had I don’t think it would have been enough, given that we never talked to each other. Not like we do.” She offered the Captain a small smile.

“But if we’d had, I’d like to think I would have learned to accept him the way he was – and maybe he would have learned not to see me as a threat but rather as an ally. We might have even found happiness in life – not together, perhaps, but with each other nonetheless. It’s a nice thought, isn’t it?”

The Captain gazed past her out the window to the garden where he had buried so much more than military plans and mines a long time ago. “Do you really believe he would have confided in you?”

Fanny thought about that for a moment. “Under the right circumstances? Maybe.”

“And … you would not have minded that he had lied to you for years?” the Captain asked, looking anywhere but at her.

“No,” Fanny said softly, knowing they were no longer talking about George. “I would have felt honoured to have earned his trust.”

The muscles under her arm tensed and the Captain made a noise in the back of his throat that she couldn’t quite interpret. Then, at last, he turned towards her, and Fanny was relieved to see him smiling slightly. “We are very lucky to have you with us, Fanny. And so was your husband.”

It wasn’t quite the step forward Fanny had been hoping for but it was a step forward nonetheless. Deciding it was time to steer them back towards more familiar ground, she tugged at the Captain’s arm to lead him back to the ballroom.

“As I kept telling him!” she said. “Honestly, no other woman would have put up with all his nonsense – and managed to raise decent children on top of it! I’m telling you, he was–“

As she went on about her late husband, about all his many faults but that one, she slowly felt the Captain relax next to her.

One day, Fanny thought to herself as she looked at his kind face that had seen so much sorrow and so little acceptance from the world in its time. She hoped with all her heart that opening up to him about George was the first step in regaining his trust after she had trampled it so callously earlier that day with her behaviour, and countless times before that as well.

One day.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 229

Dark Dynasty/Flatline

“Dark Dynasty”

Plot Description: a familiar tattoo leads the brothers deeper into the world of the Styne family, and Castiel plays referee between Charlie and Rowena

(The second half of that sentence interests me greatly)

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: I won’t even monetize my hobbies, I’m not gonna do shady medical studies where my eyes might get gouged out for a little bit of money

Stop yelling at her, Sam!! She’s trying to help you and you chained her up

The Styne family is so uninteresting to me. I hope they don’t have a lot of significance in future seasons

Sam, you are wholly unconvincing in your lying about where you’ve been sneaking off to.

And Dean randomly deciding to research the Stynes because he’s a little bored is just…too convenient

I FEEL Charlie’s exasperation with the brothers. The CONSTANT secret keeping and going against the other’s wishes. It’s a lot to deal with

You know…I think I would watch a show with the nerd, the witch, and the angel…

Sam knowing that Cas literally has nothing else going on right now. He doesn’t have to save or overthrow heaven, he’s not even allowed there

Oh Cas. Oh Cassyyyyy, “if I’m going to referee I should know the rules.” I love that even though he knows cultural references now, he still doesn’t get commonly used phrases

Cas didn’t know that Dean doesn’t know they’re doing this?? How many times does Sam need to be told that this won’t end well??

Charlie and Cas bffs 5ever

You can’t truly expect Rowena to be in this “for Dean.” She barely knows him, they’ve tried to kill each other, and all his friends have her locked in some abandoned warehouse

I’ve missed Crowley

How good are these security cameras? They’re not even this good on cop shows. There’s no way they should be able to get that clear of a visual of the guy’s tattoo after zooming in that much.

Castiel coming in with snacks while Rowena and Charlie snip at each other is quite comical….I take it back, they’re a little bit bonding. Once they get past the difference in aesthetics of their way of decoding things, there are some things in common after all

Well, Charlie doesn’t want to see the similarities, but that doesn’t make them nonexistent

It’s…weird when the boys are the least interesting part of an episode, but that’s chasing after the Styne family for ya

Sam, I’m so sorry for calling you an unconvincing liar. The real crown for that goes to Castiel. He calls Sam’s phone, Dean answers. He tells Dean that he’s just staying in touch…like he does. Then that this call is pointless and ends with “my ride’s here” and hangs up

Oof, now Dean’s suspicious…that can’t be good

SHE LEFT HER PET COVEN LEADER???

Why can Crowley talk to hamsters? How does that make sense? Is it because she’s really human underneath that?

You boys really don’t want to be messing with this Winchester, I promise you that

*presses pause* No…they can’t be doing this. Not even supernatural can do THIS (and I say this knowing there’s still a scooby doo episode in my future). So. This dude Dean captured, part of the Styne family. He just revealed that they’ve been harvesting organs and enhancing their own bodies (adding extra hearts and other organs and muscles) with said body parts. Turns out this family had to change their name a couple hundred years ago…in the 1800s. I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL SUE THE CW IF THEY ARE INSINUATING THAT THESE PEOPLE ARE THE FRANKENSTEIN FAMILY *presses play* I’M CALLING MY LAWYER (does not actually have a lawyer)

Oh nooooo oh no oh no oh no. While Sam is distracted with a phone call from Cas about Rowena and Charlie constantly fighting, Dean’s now found out that the Book of the Damned CAN’T be destroyed and is piecing together that Sam’s been lying to him this whoooooole time

I never saw 127 Hours…did the guy rip off his arm or leg in that? If arm, this Styne has 127 Hours’d himself out of the bunker’s dungeon. When he called each of his family members expendable, he meant it

Casssssss Cas Cas you can’t leave her in an unwarded room all by herself. I love her but she’s gonna get the fuck out of there. WHERE DID CHARLIE GO???

This music while Dean is confronting Sam about the book is INTENSE. It is STRESSFUL

It’s a powerful image, the Styne guy just banging on the door to Charlie’s motel room with what’s left of his left forearm. He could use his whole right one but no

OHHHHHH DEAN’S RIGHTEOUS ANGER. It’s been a while

I knew it would eventually come but I didn’t know it was today. I didn’t WANT it to be today…RIP Charlie 😭😭😭

“Flatline”

Plot Description: Clara goes against an enemy beyond human perception

I’ll tell ya one thing. Having an episode named Flatline right after my beloved Charlie died is CRUEL

This is a weird af episode. Not only are people being turned 2D, but the TARDIS has shrunk to toy size

Ok ok ok ok but Clara pretending to be the Doctor because he’s stuck in the TARDIS is a fun move

Thing is Clara’s found herself a companion for the episode. It’s amazing

There’s so much lying going on in these shows today. Everyone was lying to Dean, Clara’s lying to Danny about where she is and what she’s doing

I’m…kind of over the Doctor monologuing to…I guess it might actually be soliloquizing in the TARDIS

It’s verrrryyyyyyyy interesting how well the Doctor has (consciously or not) trained Clara to be just like him. Danny will SEETHE when he finds out just how alike his girlfriend and the man he can’t stand are

It’s an extra weird episode. The Doctor’s there but not really, Clara’s feelings toward him seem to vacillate between thinking the worst of him while shoving that in his face and the same blind loyalty as ever, and that’s on top of the aliens from a 2D universe turning people 2D and studying them…but there’s too much of the last part…and it’s the least interesting part. It’s visually interesting but…I take it back, there’s too much emphasis on the special effects. THAT’s why this episode is bad

Is watching the Doctor Addams Family Thing the TARDIS off the train tracks worth the rest of this episode? I don’t know but it’s probably going to be the highlight of the episode for me

Oh thank god, Clara. You’re on your own, kid. And I’m glad you’re taking charge and not asking what the Doctor would do no. It’s up to you to figure out what YOU would do and are going to do now

Why was he able to monologue at them, sonic them with the screwdriver, and banish them?? Why couldn’t anyone else monologue and sonic them????

[buffalowingsfortwo]

march 16th, 2023

from faith

ashlyn,

i’ve written and rewritten this letter 7 times. this will be the 8th. 

it use to be much easier to express myself to you through letters than in person, but it seems that’s changed. no boundary or words seem to capture all my emotions enough.

i’ve been listening to collide with the sky a lot, and i think of you. how it feels like you, how the chords and melodies sound like us. i think you’ll understand what i mean. when im with you, it feels differently than it use to. but not in a bad way- it feels new, like rebirth. like we aren’t the same plant from a seed planted 10 years ago, but perhaps a seed from that plant. the offspring. there’s a latin phrase by rudolf virchow to describe cell division, “omnis cellula e cellua” and it means that every cell comes from another. i feel like the phrase itself exceeds that- that there is not one if not from another and that all things are connected, the old and the new. like the seed we have now. 

im going to water it, give it sun and re-pot it into the ground when its strong enough. this will be the plant i won’t kill. 

there’s so much we don’t know about each other now and sometimes it feels a bit intimidating, but it soothes me to know that even with all the space that’s grown between us, you still know who i am. details, characters, milestones have come and gone but it above it all, you know me. you think words before i say them, know my stance before i take one, know my breath before my chest rises. and you aren’t trying to, maybe don’t even realize it. but you’ve known me for many lives, i suppose the atoms in your body have always recognized mine. it’s nice to know that when i find myself wondering if who i am to people is truly authentic, if anyone truly sees through whatever facade im playing, there will always be one person who always has.  

you said i dont remind you of people, people remind you of me. i feel the same way- in fact i find myself chasing after those people the most so that there will always be pieces of you with me. none quite as smart, none quite as witty, definitely none as dear, but all wonderful. i hope that when you find people that remind you of me, they only harness the good parts that love and treat you kindly. 

i didnt tell you, but i had played the strangers game the day before. a different version than the one we played, but still. i wanted to play with you because i felt it was a way for me to tell you about me and hear about you without the pressure of asking the questions myself. shoutout to whoever made that game- that shit was really well made. there’s still a long way to go for us but im grateful for that journey. as i’ve gotten older and in a way, more adult, i’ve realized how different friendships are now. this sounds bad, but they require more effort. when you’re not surrounded by them constantly, when you’re in different cities with different objectives, its easy to let them fade. not because you want them to, or because the input isn’t worth it, but because nothing can be maintained the same way forever, if at all. i’ve realized this even with family- when they move away your relationship with them changes even though the love doesn’t. its a sad part of growing up, a part we can adjust to but never change. that’s partially why i wanted to come see you. i realized how fate has already done its part by bringing us back to each other but its my job to make sure it stays that way. 

one thing i wanted you to know when we were together, and also just in general is that you don’t have to be so cautious around me. you don’t have to be scared to ask me anything, you don’t have to hold back or wonder about how im feeling. dont have to wonder about my actions and dont have to hold onto any guilt or past things. honestly, i cant seem to rid of the guilt that lingers within me for my own actions and maybe i’ll be able to when we’re finally ready to discuss everything that’s happened, but in the meantime im trying to not let it affect the way i am with you in ways that are not productive. i want you to be yourself, fully, with me. i want you to ask me uncomfortable questions and i want you to feel free to ask about my actions. ill try my best to be transparent even when you dont, though.

for example: why it takes me so long to write. why i go through phases where i dont check this account but cant get it off my mind the entire time. i’ve always been this way with this account and i think its because im scared. i do this with lots of things; dont do homework assignments when i know the topic isn’t one i grasp, avoid my parents when i know they’ll confront me about something, hide my mess under the bed when i know i need to clean it. it doesn’t make it disappear, and most definitely is NOT out of mind regardless of how far i put it out of sight. but i think its because i’ve been scared of saying the wrong thing, or of being reminded of everything that’s happened- everything i’ve done. so if i pretend neither of us are acknowledging it, i can pretend im not failing to communicate everything i feel. even when we first made the account and i’d have these phases, it was because i was scared of the new distance college brought us and thought if i avoided telling you about all the new ways my life had changed, maybe time could freeze where i left it. even when i knew things were getting worse the longer i neglected it, thought constantly about how unfair that was to you, i told myself that maybe the more i denied it the less true it would be. but not all confrontations are bad, and most are necessary. that’s something i need to work on, something i will work on. 

i wasn’t sure what day this would be ready for you, but isn’t it ironic that its a thursday? 

“i was scared to say love, what was i so afraid of?

future looking so bright, head be feeling so light”

- angel by lexa gates 

[californiannostalgia]

Things They Could've Done Differently in Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness

A list of ideas, in no particular order

*SPOILERS FOR MULTIVERSE OF MADNESS*

1. Give Benedict Cumberbatch a Monologue to Act with (bonus points if it's about the million bad endings he had to sort through to find the Endgame option): Instead of a short convo in the benches, have the doctor who got dusted come up to Stephen at the afterparty of the wedding. In fact, have several people ask for his autograph or talk to him like he’s a celebrity beforehand, casually questioning him about the biggest call he made with the fate of the universe. When the past colleague questions the validity of his choice, maybe Stephen gets fed up, and the conversation goes something like this:

Doctor Colleague: What if you’d done [    ] before― Stephen: Nope, wouldn’t have worked, [    ] and [    ] goes off too soon, shit gets blown up, everyone dies, try again― Doctor Colleague: Then what if you’d [    ]― Stephen: Again, no, [    ] and [    ] means [           ], everyone dies! Doctor Colleague: But what if― Stephen: No, no, it doesn’t work! I looked through a million other choices we could’ve made, and we lost every single time. You think I made that call based on, what, personal preference? I saw the universe die more times than you can fathom, I saw galaxies crumble, why does everyone think― My opinion had no sway in the decision I made. I made the only choice I was supposed to. (etc.)

2. Show at least one way Stephen's disability impacts his daily life: Maybe his hands shake too much to steadily hold a glass. Maybe he can't get a key in the lock at the first try. It's either his hands or his magic, and Stephen chose magic. Show us the consequences.

3. I feel like the scariest villain should've been an Alternate Strange: We can keep the creepy chase scenes and all the emotional scenes with Wanda, Elizabeth Olsen’s performance was phenomenal and I love her. But everyone was talking about how Stephen has the potential for great evil. I feel like we should’ve gotten payoff on that.

4. At least One Alternate Christine should die in front of Stephen: I loved what they did in What If (tv series), we should’ve gotten to see Stephen’s grief on live-action too. Especially since it creates a direct parallel between him and Wanda. (They each only have the one love interest over countless timelines, yet they still can’t hold onto them, huh. Cruel fate.)

5. Elaborate on the Scarlet Witch Prophecy Thing: We needed a set-up of the prophecy in the movie before the actual reveal of the temple.

6. Wanda destroys the Big Bad Strange's universe (fulfilling the Prophecy―no one said anything about which universe) and seals the both of them in eternal combat: This feels like a better idea than what happened in the movie. Also it’s a cool parallel with an Alternate Stephen from the What If series.

7. More dreams about Alternate Stephens Fucking Up: Stephen should’ve just been constantly dreaming about instances where he makes the wrong choice and destroys the world. Drill it into his head that if he strays from the path, the world is done for.

8. Let Stephen complain about how apparently the only path for him is the straight and narrow one: If divergence from the Path guarantees certain destruction of the world by his own hand, how much freedom does he truly have? Show us what's so special about this superhero who sees everything that could go wrong with him every night he dreams, then wakes up to not do those things. He's tempted, he's afraid, and he Chooses not to do wrong.

9. Put more focus on Stephen giving Wanda a Second Chance: If he fucks up, it spells the end of universes, so he Can't fuck up; he has that pressure on him. But Wanda's fuck-ups don't automatically destroy universes. Wanda's fuck-ups can be recovered from. Let Stephen give Wanda what he will never be able to have across so many thousands of timelines: a second chance after a grief-stricken fuck-up. Trust her to help him fight the Big Bad Evil Strange.

10. Let Stephen snark and whine about his difficult life and still unfailingly do the Right Thing: We must remember that he is a smartass. Maybe he still gets jealous of practicing surgeons. Maybe he gives life-saving advice to doctors of alternate dimensions who are trying to save an Alternate Christine, whilst wishing he could do the operation himself. Let him complain about how everyone is hounding him about Turning Evil all the time. He rolls with the punches, accepts the madness that his life has become and the hard choices that are asked of him, but he can still complain about them all the way.

(I'm just choosing to focus on the two main characters here. I think a lot of the side characters deserved to be written better, but elaborating on that would make this post really long.)

TL;DR: Stephen and Wanda are characters with so much potential. They’ve got backstory, they’re morally complex, they’re uber-powerful and nigh impossible to keep in check. The only one that can stop them is themselves, apparently. Isn’t that interesting? Morality, power, corruption, accountability, grief, and sacrifice. When you’re faced with the physical manifestation of your choices, right or wrong, how do you grapple with the consequences?

[wizardmaster94]

Stranger Things Head-Canons ! (Dating Edition)

SFW !

by yours truly,

rich <3

Eddie Munson

Dating him would always be an adrenaline rush to both you and, Eddie. Constantly doing stupid stuff together like breaking into the school after hours just to do it for fun, always sneaking off any chance you can get just to have that spare moment of alone time together. And not to forget the fact your relationship had to keep secret, while it sucked, sometimes it helped add to the pure fun of it all.

You two probably would’ve been chasing each other for a long time before one of you finally admitted your feelings for the other. Probably while intoxicated or high in the back of his van.

If it was Eddie who confessed first, he would blurt it out but then feel terrified of your reaction, scared that for some reason you’re secretly homophobic. He would say something like, “you would make a pretty sexy bard, y’know? I love bards. I love you.” Then pause, “oh shit.”

But if it was you who had confessed first, you might go for the sweeter route, speaking to him sweet and gentle, clearly telling him how you feel. But maybe a more, awkward way, like just straight up kissing him in the middle of him speaking. He would say you’re rude, finish his sentence, then kiss you again.

The first date he’d take you on would be to a metal concert of some band you had never heard of, but you would enjoy it anyways seeing how happy it made Eddie to be there, moshing and singing along to whatever it was they were playing.

After your date, you’d take him to the only diner in town, letting him get whatever he wanted to since he did treat you to a show that night. He wouldn’t let you pay for his food at first, maybe argue a little bit but nothing actually serious. I think he would enjoy milkshakes a lot, especially making atrocious sounds of sucking up the whip cream at the bottom of the glass with his straw, just to annoy you.

Being the, oh so caring boyfriend he is, would let you sit in on his Dnd sessions on one exception, that you kept things strictly professional and don’t ask stupid questions. Trust me, you learned your lesson after you asked why you couldn’t just cast an instant kill spell on goblins at level freaking one.

Everyone may have tried to convince Eddie to ban you from HellFire after that. He obviously didn’t, but the thought may have crossed his mind a few times, not going to lie.

You two would keep your relationship a secret for a while from everyone, just out of wanting to be able to hang out together and no one poke fun or make suggestive comments. It wasn’t like they wouldn’t all support you two being together, but again, they’re stupid teenagers who would make the most horrendous jokes known to man.

The day the found out though, was at DnD when you made a joke after they all entered a brothel for a rest stop and said, “man, I wish I was playing, I’d try to seduce you.” Or something stupid and cheesy like that, and have Eddie respond with, “you’d have to roll to find out.” Hand you a die, and you roll a natural 20. “Damn, you definitely seduced me, L/N.” And everyone would be slow at first, making comments like, “Eddie, Y/N isn’t even playing.” “That’s not how that works-” and after a few moments, they would all run their brain cells together to figure it out.

You would just shrug and lean back in your chair, grinning at Eddie. “Uhh..anyways, back to the campaign..” he would try to get everyone back on track but they all would just keep asking questions until Dustin would finally ask if you two were dating or not.

Since then, you two didn’t really ever hide your relationship around the kids anymore, even making jokes that you two were the fun uncles everyone loved.

If you were artsy, you’d paint DnD mini figures for HellFire, while he would be working on the next campaign he’d be hosting.

And if you were more into writing, he’d let you give him ideas for things they could do, like encounter a dangerous cave system, or a hoard of evil werewolves, anything can happen you never know.

I feel like Eddie would be very touchy with you.

When working on DnD related things he would always try to have you next to him, on his lap, have you okay with his hair, just anything, absolutely anything to have your touch.

Speaking of hair, you would always mess with his hair, either braiding it, running your fingers through the soft curls, or even helping him style it in the morning.

Also, constantly stealing each other’s clothes, I think he wouldn’t really wear yours out in public due to the fact he favors sleeping in them, but you’re always wearing his clothes to school. His HellFire shirt, his vest sometimes, or a pair of his jeans, anything you could get your grubby little hands on.

And finally, he’d try his best to keep you safe and out of harms way and to just be the best boyfriend he could be, even if he messed up sometimes. You definitely love and appreciate that about him.

Okay, anyways, that’s the end of this bad boy, first time writing anything Stranger Things related! I think it’s pretty decent, sorry if some of it seems out of character for him but I feel like everything is just pretty cute.

If you have any requests for fics, send them my way!

Yours truly,

Rich <3

Master List!

[ghooostbaby]

deeeep dive into why and how wei wuxian and lan wangji love each other, complete each other, are the inverse reflection of each other’s deeply hidden internal selves mirrored through the other’s external self, lan wangji’s inner wildness that he has to conceal and protect recognizing and loving wei wuxian’s outer wildness, wei wuxian’s deep, fuddy-duddy morality and values that he conceals with an elaborate subterfuge of jokes, mischief, and bravado, seeing and loving in lan wangji the ability to say no that it was never safe for him to express directly, “between you and me there is no need for thank you and sorry”

oh and a slight diversion midway through into a manifesto on WEI WUXIAN IS NOT INSECURE the whole story is about a society where being liked is ESSENTIAL for survival and it is actually completely perilous not to be liked, and his “people pleasing” is a skill and tool for his survival especially as an orphan and proven to be a necessary one when he stops doing it and STOPS SURVIVING

after the cut discussing the very interesting dynamics of consent in general in the novel, but not going into the consensual non-consent kink stuff till the last paragraph if you need to avoid for any reason.

I've been thinking about how Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian the exterior, unfettered expression of the wildness Lan WangJi holds in him and protects with rigid codes of conduct, propriety and outward dignity.

I have had this sense that these two are mirrors, either one reflecting the hidden, interior (and unallowed) self of the other. but it seemed more clear from Lan WangJi's side, especially knowing about his history with his mother and the spicy side that emerges when he drinks and in the extras.

I also - just... the way this whole story shows how romantic love is truly this longing for your self, to become yourself, to become the thing you're not allowed to be, seeing in that person the expression of whatever it is you can't become and longing for it, protecting it, joining with it as closely as you can without ever being able to let it live inside your own body.

On the surface it seems a lot more difficult for Wei WuXian to find a piece of his soul in Lan Wangji. I think its a bit too simplistic to see whatever draws Wei WuXian to Lan Wangji as a reverse-psychology sort of craving of acceptance from the only one who won't give it, pushing and pushing against this impenetrable boundary that he needs to break to feel assurance that no matter what he can make anyone accept him.

And he is SO drawn - in a mind boggling way, in the teenage flashbacks Lan WangJi rudely and aggressively throws him off over and over and Wei WuXian cannot keep away! Even when he talks about how boring Lan WangJi is, he never stops trying to be around him and talk to him.

I've seen discussions of the way Wei WuXian has always relied on the goodwill of others to survive, and that his placating of others to survive is a character flaw. Although that seems only halfway true. 

As a young child he didn't have anyone's goodwill for a while and he survived, and it seems like he can always find a way to survive from whatever means and sometimes very limited resources he has at his disposal. Doing what he has to do to become powerful enough to survive losing his core and being thrown into the burial mounds slowly costs him the goodwill of everyone around him - and what happens to him as a result shows how much placation was a truly necessary for someone without the protection of biological/hereditary family bonds.

(Don’t get me started on how his loss of his golden core and his development of demonic cultivation to give himself power by ‘unnatural methods’ through the use of a musical instrument is a metaphor for disability and the way ableist society sees the use of accessibility devices and tools. Actually please DO get my started haha.)

Wei WuXian is so charismatic and seems very used to getting what he wants and needs on the strength of that. He pushes a lot of boundaries and seems pretty confident and flexibly prepared to handle the consequences, whether beatings or harsh words. But he does work so hard to make others feel good, good with him, good with themselves.

When he is in the cave with Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian is described as "like one who forgets all past pain as soon as the wound heals". He can't resist coming up beside Lan WangJi and talking to him again and again after every time Lan WangJi pushes him off, only finally staying away when Lan WangJi bites him (and he still keeps trying to talk to him after a little bit!) and then calls him an awful person (!!! Bad Wangji! :(((( ). In the end, when Lan WangJi (very minimally) discloses what happened to his sect and his father, and even cries, because of all the defences/assaults Lan WangJi has put up Wei WuXian can't do anything or say anything to help and feels miserable.

Lan WangJi just absolutely refuses to allow Wei WuXian to take care of him - and I began to wonder maybe that’s what Wei WuXian actually really likes about him? Why he is unable to resist coming up to Lan WangJi again and again? Maybe because Lan WangJi refuses to let Wei WuXian appease him. He’s not trying to crack Lan WangJi to get to this impenetrable place of approval and acceptance. In a way he can’t quite understand, Lan WangJi is a respite for Wei WuXian from the constant work to be the one who pleases.

And  how different this is to how Wei WuXian is (or has to be) with Jiang Cheng when he wakes up in Lotus Pier after the cave. Jiang Cheng gets so down and really really needs Wei WuXian to do what he does so well (and wasn’t allowed to do with Lan WangJi) - chasing Jiang Cheng down while being injured and reassuring him about all his insecurities about his father's acceptance and becoming a sect leader and Wei WuXian's own abilities excelling his - and at first Jiang Cheng is pushing him away, but he really does need Wei WuXian to do all this to feel better.

Wei WuXian is described as not wanting to be lonely, and not wanting to see other people unhappy, and he keeps trying to push and pull with whatever he has to not be lonely and lift the mood for those around him. I don't think it's a kind of codependency or insecurity. It’s not that Wei WuXian is afraid to say no, in fact I would say he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do, but he must always do it creatively, with humour. Similarly to Nie Huaisang, he uses a persona of foolishness to give himself a covert agency.

I also think I'm writing this because I don't like seeing this discussed as a sad bean character flaw for him to always need to be liked - its a strategy, its a tool, its how he survives and excels. Doesn’t the whole story prove how essential being liked is to a human’s survival? And he is so so good at being liked, in making others happy, even when he is refusing to do what others want from him that he doesn't want to do, he does it in a way that deflects criticism, with a smiling bravado that never says what it truly means and has people writing him off as shameless or foolish or just endearing himself toward them despite themselves.

He is always at work really, with jokes and flattery or mischief and teasing, to get the resources he wants and needs. Case and point, when he makes a big coquettish show for mianmian, definitely not being "people pleasing" for her, but the group of girls around them all find it funny and cute and in the end she gives him a perfume sachet which ends up being a valuable resource for later. Or the time he outright tells Jiang Cheng that if you give the girls some lotus seeds they'll remember you and return the favour in the future. (Also notice how his interactions with girls seen as flirtatious are actually strategic resource-gathering acts.) These are the skills he has developed to meet his own needs. (THIS IS NOT A CHARACTER FLAW. I REPEAT.) He takes what he needs and steals from the Lotus Pier markets knowing it'll be paid for, he lives like he never know when his next windfall will come from so he'll take what he can when he can find it. Like Jiang Fengmian said, if there is no guarantee of a meal in the future then today's meal should still be enjoyed. It’s how Wei WuXian said to Nie Huaisang at Cloud Recesses, you have to find ways to make your own fun out of whatever you have. So he gets kicked out of class, goes fishing, gets alcohol, he pursues his own pleasure. He actually is quite insistent of his own agency and right to choose, he just can never directly say no.

And that little detail that Wei WuXian always tucks coins into his clothes just in case, that makes him able to buy food when he and Jiang Cheng are on the run... breaks my heart and reveals so much about the way Wei WuXian is constantly at work on ensuring his own survival and never takes for granted whether he is safe (he knows he never is). 

I've seen some people talking about Wei WuXian sacrificing so much for his brother and sister out of a need to be accepted out of a chronic sense of insecurity. But isn’t this just true? Doesn't he live in a world where being accepted is absolutely essential for survival? Doesn’t this whole story show the cruelty of a social system based on networks of hereditary/biological family that closes out and scapegoats any outsiders, and that without biological family connections that can enclose around you, you can never truly be safe if not constantly working to earn acceptance? (And then beautifully ends with the way a gay romantic relationship that queers marriage/family/etc disrupts all this and creates safety and inclusion for Wei WuXian without needing a normative family.) (AKA romantic love does not resolve some internal personal problem in Wei WuXian but disrupts and refuses and rebels against the problem of SOCIETY.) (*breathes heavily*)

And that’s why Lan WangJi is magnetizing to Wei WuXian. Lan WangJi is always saying no. Although what Lan WangJi sees in Wei WuXian is an exterior wildness, Wei WuXian is not really out of control so much as he is playing and caring and supplicating and showing off and pleasing people to get the resources and the acceptance he needs to live his life. He has firm values and desires that he can never outwardly state, only creatively spinning plates to distract and deflect while he refuses what goes against his values, protects who he cares for, or takes what he needs to in order to survive/thrive. Lan WangJi embodies an exterior of resoluteness and direct agency that Wei WuXian doesn't have the luxury of. And he's so drawn to him for his ability to repeatedly say no, to refuse to get along, or make others laugh, make other people happy, but just simply follow what he thinks is right.

Wei WuXian’s outward wild movement protects an inward stillness. He is an exterior of people-pleasing around an interior of refusal. He is an exterior of youthful rebellion around an interior of unflinching morality. He sees in Lan WangJi the outward expression of his stillness, his morality, his resistance that he can't express, that he's had to protect.

FYI after the cut gets more into the dynamics of consent in the story, and the last paragraph directly talks about consensual non-consent kink play in wangxian’s relationship.

When Wei WuXian is with Lan WangJi, there is no work to be done. Lan WangJi cannot be swayed by him, and so there's no point vying for resources or favors. Lan WangJi will either give him everything or refuse him everything based on who he is, it does not matter what Wei WuXian does and he can't do anything that will change Lan WangJi’s mind. Someone he literally can't win over. After the resurrection, they are often in an adorable tug of war, where Wei WuXian tries to take care of Lan WangJi, while Lan WangJi won't allow him to but demands to care of Wei WuXian right back. Actually, Lan WangJi insists that Wei WuXian take everything he wants or needs from him and is even angry when he doesn't take or when Wei WuXian tries to offer a gesture in return, even something as simple as a thank you Lan WangJi won't accept. It’s kind of adorable how frustrated Wei WuXian is in doing this thing he's learned that he needs to do, and just... so confused by Lan WangJi, and has to find a way to please this person who aggressively refuses to be pleased and is ONLY pleased by Wei WuXian being pleased.

(Not to mention the way Wei WuXian delights in finding that Lan WangJi can’t say what he wants, and they have sort of these chaotic cohesive both-being-so-pleased-by-working-hard-to-please each-other moments where Wei WuXian is letting Lan WangJi please him by finding out what pleases Lan WangJi and giving it to him.)

The wildness Lan WangJi had always hidden within himself is something he sees as just as dangerous as Wei WuXian thinks of his desire to refuse. He saw his mother be socially alienated, shunned, and eventually die because of her wildness. His ability to survive in the world, aka to be accepted by his family, is contingent on him being able to control this inner wildness. From a young age (re: Phoenix Mountain kiss) he could only understand his sexual desires for Wei WuXian as something repulsive or dangerous that had to be repressed and controlled, and that the only way he could imagine his desires as possible was as non-consensual. His secret gay desires were never available to him as anything but something monstrous.

Importantly, it’s not like everyone else other than Lan WangJi are all vampires cruelly demanding Wei WuXian’s constant sacrifice. Wei WuXian is always vibrantly, charismatically offering so much, before anyone has asked. It’s Wei WuXian who creates this kind of relationship for himself again and again. It’s Lan WangJi who simply refuses - he refuses to charmed, to be cared for. And so in the end Lan WangJi becomes the one person who Wei WuXian feels doesn't need anything from him. When he says he's eating the corpse's fruit to save Lan WangJi money and Lan WangJi says that will never be necessary. Or when Wei WuXian asks what toy he should win for Lan WangJi at the market game, and Lan WangJi says anything Wei WuXian gets will be the one he wants. (XD stahhhhp it’s too sweet !!!) He really just wants Wei WuXian to be, to exist, to spend his life discovering his own desires and allow Lan WangJi to help satisfy them, he doesn't want anything from Wei WuXian other than him living - happy and safe.

It takes someone like Lan WangJi to refuse Wei WuXian’s aggressive generosity, it’s definitely not an easy thing to say no to Wei WuXian, dazzling or annoying people so chaotically before they even realize there’s something to say no to. The sacrifice he gives to Jiang Cheng, he never even offers a choice - and perhaps it would have been too much for Jiang Cheng to accept if he had the chance.

Lan WangJi’s statement "Between us there is no need for thank you and sorry" seems like one of the most important sentences in the novel, and you can’t help but noticed the way “sorry” and “thank you” is littered meaningfully through the book. What is owed, what the characters owe to each other, the give and take, touches every part of the story (down to wangxian's erotic explorations!).

When Jiang Cheng talks to Wei WuXian at the Guanyin temple he makes a lot of contradictory statements about what Wei WuXian owes, what he was given, what he took, what he (Wei WuXian still) is owed in return. Wei WuXian, according to Jiang Cheng, took everything from the Jiang clan, and paid them back with their deaths. The Jiang clan give him his life when they took him in, and he owed Jiang Cheng service for the rest of his life as the right hand to the sect leader, that’s what Wei WuXian had promised anyway. At the same time, Wei WuXian sacrificed everything (his golden core) to Jiang Cheng, by giving everything he was taking one more thing - Jiang Cheng’s right to even be angry at him. Jiang Cheng had taken everything from Wei WuXian. Everything that happened around Wei WuXian after could be said to be because of the loss of his golden core, which Jiang Cheng might be said to be responsible for. But he never asked for it, maybe he never would have wanted it. He wishes Wei WuXian told him, but Jiang Cheng never told Wei WuXian his golden core was melted while he was sacrificing himself to save Wei WuXian. He wants Wei wuxian to say sorry, but that makes him feel pathetic. And Jiang Cheng says sorry too. It’s a mess of paradoxes, and in the end somehow it seems like the scales are balanced in the most hollow, dismal way.

What is owed, what is given, what is taken ... Wei WuXian has never been part of a family. He has always had to say thank you and sorry for everything he's taken. Wei WuXian himself admits that he used "thank you" as a way to enforce distance between himself and Lan WangJi. Lan WangJi's point i think is that they belong to each other, Wei WuXian is his, and he is Wei WuXian's, unconditionally. The way that Jiang Cheng speaks of him in the Guanyin temple (admittedly I read a fan translation and this is very nuanced, related to slight variations of grammar), even when Jiang Cheng clearly is so broken by the loss of Wei WuXian from his life, he talks about Wei WuXian as an outsider. It is what MY family gave to YOU, never what you took from our family. But at one point Wei WuXian was part of their family - but he takes too much, and becomes an ex-disciple, not a brother. Wei WuXian’s inclusion as a Jiang was always conditional. 

Even when Wen Qing and Wen Ning leave him to go take the blame for qiongqing path they tell him "thank you and sorry", drawing a line between them and him, so he doesn’t even belong to these people who he sacrificed everything for. The way Wei WuXian acted when he was younger, he was always keenly aware of this - he always knew that he didn’t belong to anyone, no one is going to protect him unconditionally. And after first escaping the Burial Mounds, he is done pretending. When Lan WangJi warns him about what a demonic cultivation path will do to his heart, Wei WuXian replies: “After all, on the topic of how my heart is, what could other people know about it? Why should other people care about it?” He is done pleasing. Nothing has changed really, he still belongs to no one and is alone, but now he is angry about it, and instead of saying thank you and sorry he is going to become too powerful to be at anyone's mercy. And then we see in the story afterward what happens to people who don't say thank you and sorry.

The whole point I think is the impossibility of choice, the impossibility of consent in this society. If he didn't forgo the behaviour his social acceptance was conditional on, he wouldn't have survived the burial mounds. But once he becomes powerful enough to survive and get revenge on the Wens, he is socially outcast. Except he was already outcast from the beginning.

And so how do Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi find a way through all that to a life together where all their desires are possible, where Wei WuXian can say no while also being pleasing (safe) to others, and Lan WangJi can indulge in his wild desires while still being good? The answer is kinky sex!

It is kind of miraculous and beautiful how Wei WuXian finds a way to say no, while simultaneously pleasing Lan WangJi, giving pleasure, while taking it, saying no, and knowing his refusal is not just tolerated, but gives Lan WangJi pleasure, knowing Lan wangji and knowing the painful belief Lan WangJi holds within that his desires are unacceptable and unspeakable, and that Wei WuXian can take care of Lan Wangji in a secret little way and please him and give everything to him by craving this wildness in Lan WangJi while at the same time he gets to say no again and again , and it won't push Lan WangJi away, he can refuse everything while at the same time be totally pleasing and thus safe, and also for Lan WangJi, Wei WuXian's pleasure at saying "no" while still being held onto, that he genuinely wants to be fucked even while begging Lan WangJi to stop (and the many ways he does give his consent for this throughout, especially their first time), allows Lan WangJi the ecstatic feeling that this idea that his sexual desires are only possible through force are not just something his lover forgives him for but something his lover is SO turned on by, and that he has consent for his fantasies of non-consent, Wei WuXian has the same fantasies from the other side, he is doing what he is supposed to while doing what he shouldn't, and actually these monstrous feelings in him allow him to take care of Wei WuXian in a way that he needs - that they both need - and all these impulses that are so wrong with Wei WuXian become very right and a way to do good. And they are just both so perfect and perfect for each other and I love them and I am so happy for them to have a long kinky life together.

[darklinsblog]

Yearning | Desire OneShot

Desire and yourself were the true image of opposites attracting, as Desire was the embodiment of yearning, you were the physical representation of contentment.

You complemented each other like two missing pieces of a puzzle, Desire was head over heels for you, she felt at peace when looking at you. But sometimes the sensual woman would too feel conflicted.

Being the personification of longing and yearning, she was used to wanting more, but that made her wonder if she would ever feel satisfied. Would it ever be enough ?

Or was she destined to always chase after the next best thing, never stopping?

“What are you thinking of, sweetie?” Your velvety voice snapping Desire out of her thoughts.

“I’m just- I don’t know. Do you think I will be able to feel enough?” She murmured, not wanting to seem vulnerable, her golden eyes glowed with sadness. You cupped her face softly, looking into those eyes you loved dearly.

“I have no doubt of that, sweetheart. I know better than any other that satisfaction is attainable, especially for you” Desire smiled weakly.

The Endless was tired of constantly craving and wanting, there were times were she only wanted to stop and relax, enjoy the quietness instead of being overwhelmed by the giddiness.

As long as you would stay here, as long as she was able to hold you, satisfaction felt even closer, and it wasn’t because you were the embodiment of such feeling, but because out of her undying love for you, you were the light at the end of the tunnel.

You were Desire’s happiness, and so she allowed herself to be embraced by you, to relax in the warmth of your touch and to be intoxicated by your characteristic scent. You played with her her and kissed the top of her head, loving and caring for your partner.

Desire’s eyes were burning with unspilled tears, and you kept her close.

“I can’t tell you how to achieve contentment, but I can assure you I will be here every step of the way until you find it”

That was all that Desire truly needed.

[dreamerstreamer]

Into The Woods

Pairing: werewolf!Dream / Clay x human!gn!reader

Summary: [Werewolf!AU] It’s love at first sight when you move into a quaint, little house by the forest’s edge, but you soon find that there’s more waiting for you in the woods than you originally thought. 

Word Count: 10k

A/N: my third commissioned story! this work has been altered so everyone can read it, but the plot remains the same. this story was a blast to write, and i hope you all enjoy it! <3

With a step back and a firm tug, the back door slammed shut with a satisfying click. You grinned as you turned the key in the lock. Slipping the silver keyring into your pocket, you turned on your heel, your gaze sweeping over the vast open forest that stretched out before you. Viridian green leaves loomed over the earth, standing in stark contrast to the clear, cerulean blue sky that stretched across the horizon overhead. On the ground below, the occasional wildflower sprouted up and out of the earth, their soft petals shyly unfurling and fluttering in the warm summer breeze.

For such a lovely view, you never would have guessed that you would be able to afford a place like this for so cheap.

Then again, Elmwood Ridge wasn’t a particularly notable town. Best known for its countless acres of elm forests and the large lake that laid at its centre, the town had become something of a nature reserve unto itself, despite being anything but. It was a quiet, quaint region, somewhere you had always distantly dreamed of visiting, if only because of its peaceful atmosphere. You never thought that you would end up living there, though.

It had been a split second decision made on impulse, and looking back, maybe it wasn’t the smartest move you’d ever made, but you didn’t regret one bit. Your new house was two stories tall and built with lovely stone bricks that looked like they came right out of a fairytale. The triangular sloping roof hung just over the sides of the house to provide some shelter from the rain, and the second floor had two balconies—one in the front and the back. Needless to say, you were sold in a heartbeat. Not only was the house pretty, but so was the price tag. You vaguely remembered hearing something about complaints of noisy wolves in the forest, but you weren't deterred. A little noise never killed anyone, and you were more than happy to share your space with nature.

Hopping down the back steps, you gently tread across the soft grass, careful not to step on any flowers as you walked. After moving in two days ago, you had planned to take the day off to hike and learn all that you could about your new backyard. You would head into town tomorrow and look for a job then—right now, all you wanted to do was explore and appreciate your new home.

Gazing up at the rustling elm leaves one last time, you smiled to yourself before stepping out of your lawn and into the forest.

In the distance, a faint howl rang out across the trees.

Between stretches of chestnut wood, a flash of tawny brown and golden fur dashed across the earth, powerful paws pushing off the ground with each leap. Landing atop a fallen log, the wolf raised his head, his muzzle raised toward the sky as he inhaled sharply, his nostrils flaring.

Fresh. Clean. Warm. The faintest scent of flowers.

He exhaled, emerald eyes blinking as he scanned the open forest around him.

Carrying out routine morning patrols around the pack’s territory was one of the alpha’s many duties, but Clay still wasn’t quite used to it.

Stepping down from the log, he let his tongue hang out of his mouth, his ears flicking as he took in every sound. Somewhere above him, a bird flapped its wings, chirping as it took flight. Along the breeze, he could pick up the distant scent of deer coming from the south. His eyes flashed at the smell. He would have to report that to the pack when he returned—it had been a few days since they last had a large hunt. Sniffing one last time, he began weaving between the looming trunks, his entire body rapt with focus.

He had only been appointed as alpha a little less than a month ago, and although he had technically been taught the ropes, it took more than just a few lessons for a wolf to truly become alpha. He could still remember how the former alpha had pressed his nose to his side, nudging him onto the rock peak in front of his pack with an aging howl. He had been getting older, and everyone knew it—it was only a matter of time until a new leader was selected, but Clay never would have dreamt he would be the one who was chosen.

Only a few people were as surprised as he was, though. He was one of the larger wolves in the pack, and while he wasn’t the tallest in his human form—that title belonged to the young, curious Ranboo—he was by far the strongest, having led more than his fair share of hunts before. It was only natural that he ended up in his position, and he was welcomed into the upper ranks with open arms.

A glimmer of warmth washed over him at the memory, and he would have smiled if he wasn’t shifted. He had never felt such pride before, feeling everyone’s excited gazes on him as he howled up at the gleaming, full moon. The shouts that filled the starry night sky made his heart swell in his chest, and he just knew he was going to do his best to make everyone proud. He would protect them to the ends of the earth, if he had to.

Kicking away a stray branch, his eyes quickly flicked over his surroundings. He recognized this area, and he knew that he had almost completed a full circle around the pack’s perimeter, by now. There was only a tiny stretch left before he would return to the camp and fill everyone in. Raising his head, he let his jaw fall open to catch any aromas that travelled along the breeze.

All of a sudden, a new scent wafted over his nose, an unsettling sense of unfamiliarity striking deep within his core.

There was something in the woods—something that did not belong here.

In an instant, Clay’s lips were pulled back in a snark, his sharp canines bared as he sank his paws into the soil below. His claws latched onto the dirt, his grip firm and unwavering as he pressed himself closer to the ground, careful not to let his scent travel in the air.

They weren’t common, but every now and then, hunters would venture into the woods with their heads held high and guns drawn. Most of them came hunting for game, shooting down the occasional deer or elk to bring back to their own families. Clay didn’t have a problem with those hunters, but as for the ones who came in search of wolves?

Clay wasn’t sure he could be so lenient with those ones.

Prowling forward, he kept his haunches low, his tail brushing over the shrubbery as he took step after step toward the strange, new scent. Ever so slowly, he crept closer, his pupils dilated in focus. Suddenly, he stopped, freezing in place.

He could hear footsteps.

Inhaling deeply, he let his eyelids fall shut.

One, two, three...

His eyes shot wide open, and he whipped his head up, only to go stock still as a silhouette came into view.

It was a person, a regular person.

He blinked as he lifted his head, his expression growing neutral as he watched you crouch down to examine a small pile of stones stacked beside a tree, one that he vaguely remembered being made by Tommy and Tubbo when they went exploring a few weeks ago. There was no gun strapped to your body, no pack hanging off your hips as you rose back up to your feet. You didn’t seem to be a threat at all, and from the back, he couldn’t tell if you were even carrying a weapon.

Just then, you turned to the side, and he felt his breath hitch in his throat.

The world suddenly fell away, his surroundings melting into nothing more than a hazy blur as his eyes locked onto your face. His heart came to a screeching halt in his chest.

You were beautiful.

The light framing your lovely face made your cheeks seem all the more lively as you rose. He watched as you brushed your fingers delicately over the bark of a tree, your brilliant eyes meticulously tracing over the curve of every leaf as you walked past. Your feet never lingered in one place for long, constantly moving and skittering across the forest floor like a rippling stream. It was almost as though your every movement cast streaks of dappled sunlight everywhere you stepped, the marvelling spark flickering in your gaze making his head spin with wild abandon.

Clay felt something warm and tight curl against his insides, unmistakably soft and affectionate. It was almost hard to breathe with the way his lungs squeezed and shook behind his ribs. He hadn’t felt this feeling before, but he had heard enough stories to know exactly what it was.

His mate—you were his mate.

There wasn’t any one way to truly describe what a mating bond was, but the most commonly accepted one was that it was a connection that tied people’s souls together, uniting them in perfect harmony. Every werewolf had a mate, and most of the time, they would find their mate in another one of their kind. But right now, as Clay stood in the forest, his gaze glued to the most beautiful human he had ever laid eyes on, he knew that he wasn’t going to find his mate in some other shifter like everyone else had said he would.

Having a human for a mate was rare at best, and unheard of at worst. After all, not every human had a mate, and he had heard stories of shifters being rejected by their human mates. Some of the elders in the camp still refused to believe that having a human mate was even possible, but nearly all of the younger shifters had accepted it—embraced it, even. But never in his pack, at least, had someone learned that their mate was a human.

It looked like he was going to be the first.

For a few long moments, he simply stood there, watching you silently with wide eyes as you slowly made your way deeper down the path. A part of him wanted to chase after you, yearned to walk by your side for as long as his legs would let him. But as soon as he raised his paw, he quickly lowered it again, a pang of guilt shooting through him.

He couldn’t go up to you—not like this, and most certainly not now. He didn’t have nearly enough experience under his belt as an alpha yet, and bringing you to his world could just make everything even worse if he wasn’t careful about it. He swallowed, taking a single step back as you slowly slipped out of view, disappearing into the trees and carrying your lovely scent away with you.

Anxiety gnawed at the inside of his gut, and he couldn’t help but wonder if you would even return. Surely you must live around here to be hiking in these woods—maybe you would hike here again, if not even more often.

He paused, then nodded to himself before whipping around, his tail swishing behind him as he clenched his jaw.

Tomorrow. He would come back tomorrow.

A few feet deeper within the trees, the sound of a stick snapping shattered the forest’s silence.

Along the lightly-treaded path, you whirled, your head pointing toward the sharp sound. Pausing, you raised your head, your gaze darting to the forest canopy above. The sun peaked down at you between swaths of vibrant green, and you squinted, raising a hand to shield your eyes. The trees remained quiet around you, only whispering with the soft rustles of their leaves.

A moment passed in silence. A robin warbled.

You let out a long exhale and shook your head. Turning once more, you stepped over a small crack in the ground, humming as you walked further into the woods.

It was probably nothing.

Sapnap grunted as he dropped the pile of sticks onto the ground, the wood clattering at his feet in a heap. He scowled at the sight, resisting the urge to kick the pile down. He couldn’t believe Wilbur had actually tricked him into doing something as simple as collecting firewood. It wasn’t difficult or anything, but he was the beta, for crying out loud! He could have at least passed the buck to someone like Tommy, that brat.

“Sapnap.”

Sapnap blinked at the familiar voice, turning to find himself standing face to face with Clay. His dirty blond hair was disheveled atop his head, and his cheeks were flushed with heat. A smile tugged on his lips at the sight. “Oh, hey, Clay. Welcome back.” He squinted at the way Clay’s chest heaved, his breaths coming out shaky and uneven. “Um, you good, there? Did you run back here or somethi—”

“It happened,” Clay blurted.

Sapnap blinked, raising a single brow at him. “What happened?”

Clay swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I met my mate.”

Sapnap paused. “Oh. Oh.” A wide grin stretched across his face, and he reached over to clap a hand to Clay’s back. “That’s awesome, man! I’m guessing it happened on your patro—”

“My mate’s human,” Clay said suddenly.

Sapnap paused again. “Oh. Oh.”

Letting out a deep sigh, Clay’s shoulders went slack at his side as he ran a hand through his hair, pushing it away from his scalp. “I, um,” he said, his words coming out in a hazy rush. “I don’t think I’m ready to—” He stopped, feeling Sapnap’s patient gaze rest on him, then opened his mouth, again. “I can’t just reveal our world so soon. I’ve only been alpha for what?” He gestured vaguely. “A month? I’m not experienced enough, yet.” He slumped forward, a hollow, wistful look settling onto his features. “It would be too much for both of us.”

Sapnap nodded thoughtfully, understanding flooding his face. “It’s okay, Clay. Take your time.” He fell silent for a brief moment, then quietly added, “Did you reveal yourself or anything?”

He shook his head. “Not at all. I was too surprised to even move.”

Sapnap’s lips quirked up into a tiny smile. “Then there’s no rush,” he said. “You’re allowed to build up your confidence first, dude. Your confidence as a wolf. As an alpha.” His eyes flashed with soft reassurance. “As a mate.”

Clay raised his head, blinking as Sapnap gently nudged his shoulder with his. “You can do this. Plus,” he added, his tone growing more lighthearted, “I’m your beta. You know I’ve got your back.”

The chuckle that escaped Clay’s lips was low and short, but he could already feel the tension seep out his shoulders like a leaking dam. “Thanks, Sap.”

Taking a step back, Sapnap hummed, offering him a lopsided smile. “Anytime.”

Clay turned on his heel, jerking his head toward the centre of the camp. “Well, I need to organize today’s hunt, but I’ll catch you later. I trust you’ll keep things under control while I’m gone.”

He nodded. “Of course—you know me.” With a short wave and a small grin, Clay began walking off in the opposite direction. “Oh, also,” Sapnap suddenly shouted after him, “don’t forget to grab something to eat before you go hunting today, yeah? I know you missed breakfast.”

Clay didn’t look behind him as he shot a thumbs up at Sapnap from behind his back, but Sapnap could already picture the way he would roll his eyes with a smile. Shaking his head, he turned back to the firewood scattered around his feet, a new glower creeping onto his face.

He was so getting back at Wilbur for this.

Every morning after, Clay dutifully woke up early and strolled deep into the woods, shifted into his wolf form as he scented the air and patrolled the area just as any good alpha would. But time and time again, that one sweet scent never seemed to return, almost as though it had vanished from the forest entirely. At times, he thought he caught the faintest whiff of it, but some further exploration would only reveal a small patch of flowers, never you.

Needless to say, his disappointment was palpable.

It had been a full week now, and Clay was running out of hope. Maybe he was wrong—maybe you wouldn’t ever come back. His heart ached at the thought.

He had been too hasty, wasn’t he?

Hanging his head, he whimpered to himself in the quiet forest, sniffing absentmindedly as he ambled about almost aimlessly. He still had a duty to fulfill, he knew, but he couldn’t ignore the empty feeling burrowing deeper and deeper into his chest.

But right then, just as he paced another few feet forward, he heard it.

A melody.

It was soft, the singing travelling down from the west in a distant murmur, or perhaps a hum. If he hadn’t been paying attention, he surely would have missed it. He didn’t know this song, didn’t recognize it one bit, but he could already tell that it was sweeter than any thrush’s song or any loon’s call. He felt his heart flip in his chest, and just like that, he knew.

In a flash, he was racing across the earth, his paws flying out beneath him in a blur as he ducked under branches and darted past deer, missing the way they startled at his sudden approach. The song was louder now, and he could smell it—smell you.

It was only a few seconds later that he came to a stop, his paws digging into the ground as his heart leapt into his throat.

Soft hair. Bright eyes. A dazzling grin.

You were back.

You had headphones on this time, he realized, and you were humming aloud to yourself, your feet most likely moving in time to the beat of whatever song you were listening to. You were a little off-key and occasionally stumbled over the refrain as it came around, but he found himself entranced nonetheless. Even when you were doing something as simple as humming, you were stunning.

Why come back today of all days? he distantly wondered to himself. What made today so different from any other day?

He wracked his mind as he felt the sun shine down on him gently, warming his back as he crouched down a little. He rarely kept track of the days—that was Sapnap’s job—but he knew that there hadn’t been any special events or holidays going on in the human world. Pressing his ears flat against his head, he scratched his paw at the ground in confusion. Just what made today so special?

That was when the realization slammed into him.

It had been a week since he last saw you.

Once a week—you must hike here once a week.

If he could smile in this form, he already knew that he would have the biggest, stupidest grin plastered to his face. He wanted to leap for joy and howl like there was no tomorrow, but he didn’t want to alert you of his presence just yet. Again, it had only been a week, and he was still far from being a worthy mate for you.

Once a week, he thought once more, his eyes glued to you as you skipped further down the trail and out of his sight. I can wait another week.

The wind sang in his ears as a gentle breeze brushed over his tawny fur, the forest murmuring a silent lullaby into his ear as he whirled back around. As much as he wanted to stay with you forever, he had a patrol to finish and a pack to defend. He let his eyelids flutter shut for the briefest of moments, your face engraved into the rosy crevices of his heart as your humming filled his ears once more.

He couldn’t wait to see you, again.

One week later, you grumbled to yourself as you stomped through the woods, complaining about your new job under your breath. Clay wished he could comfort you, but stayed put with his claws buried in the dirt.

Two weeks later, you watched with wide eyes as a doe and her fawn drank from a nearby stream. He made sure not to hunt those two down in particular later that week.

Three weeks later, you were snapping photo after photo with the camera hanging around your neck, your eyes absolutely brimming with curiosity. He thought you were prettier than any view the forest had to offer.

As one week stumbled into the next, the months began to pass in a blur. Summer collapsed into autumn as the leaves turned gorgeous shades of crimson red and golden orange before tumbling from the sky. Shortly after that, the forest was covered in a blanket of ivory white snow, leaving the branches bare and awaiting the return of spring. The snow soon melted into rain, and puddles littered the forest floor while flowers began to bud and bloom once more. In almost a whirlwind of seasons and waiting, summer rolled around once more, marking the first anniversary of your arrival in Elmwood Ridge.

With each passing season, Clay continued to watch you from afar with a tender gaze. Some days, he would listen to you hum as you trekked along while other times, he would only manage to catch the tiniest of glimpses of you between the trees. No matter how short the instance was, every second he got was well worth the wait, and Clay could feel his affection bloom like a new spring flower. As the trees grew larger, as did his confidence. Time was the best teacher the forest had to offer, and it didn’t take much longer for Clay to grow comfortable with his duty as the alpha of his pack. But despite his newfound strength, he still didn’t feel ready enough to approach you outright, to reveal himself to you as he was. Doubt swirled in his mind like a raging storm, eating away at him like a gnat digging through mud.

He was beginning to fear he may never be ready.

Lifting his head, he sniffed the air, the now familiar scent of his mate drifting across the new summer breeze. You were taking a new path today, he noted in an instant. Perhaps you were doing some exploring.

Padding through the trees, leaves crunched beneath his feet as he leapt over logs and puddles, following after your scent as it grew stronger and stronger. It only took a few moments for him to find you standing atop an elevated rock face, your head lifted as you gazed up at the light scattered between the tree leaves. Your face almost seemed to be glowing in the pale, morning sunshine, your eyes looking like two dewdrops as they curved into tiny crescents. Clay’s heart rattled in his chest, and he resisted the urge to howl to the heavens above.

You were lovely, his mate. If only he could work up the courage to properly tell you.

Basking in the sunlight, he watched as you took a few steps forward closer to the cliff’s edge, your eyes still trained on the sky above. It wasn’t a terribly deep fall, he knew, but the fall was most certainly far enough to hurt someone if they fell at the wrong angle. He narrowed his eyes as you stopped dangerously close to the edge, halting just a few inches from the drop. Surely the stone was strong enough to support your weight, even as old as it was, right?

Apparently not.

Clay saw the cliff crumble before you did.

Terror shot through his body like a bullet as he watched the rock face collapse under your shoes, your feet tumbling out beneath you. Your hands desperately reached for the cliff face, but he could tell from the way your scream cut through the forest’s silence like a sharpened blade that you weren't going to be able to grab it in time.

There was no time for him to think—his body moved first.

In one moment, he was standing with his mouth slack and his emerald eyes blown wide with horror. In the next, he was lunging across the rock face, his jaws wide open as he reached for the lower collar of your shirt. The moment he felt his nose brush against the back of your neck, he snapped his jaws shut, careful not to pierce your skin with his sharp canines as the cloth caught between his teeth. Your weight bounced beneath him once, and the gasp that escaped your lips made his head spin dizzily.

Close—you were so close, and your scent was intoxicating.

You turned your head ever so slightly, and he felt it the moment your eyes locked onto his. You were scared, he could tell, but as you took in the sight of the wolf holding onto you, you almost seemed to relax in his grip. Planting his paws firmly against the rocky earth, he tugged his jaw up and backwards, pulling you away from the cliff face and over even ground. Your hands scrambled to latch onto the cliff edge, helping to pull yourself up until finally, he let go of you, your now torn collar resting against the back of your neck.

Heaving a sigh of relief, you let yourself collapse against the rock face, lying on your back as you gasped for breath. Your chest felt tight like a wound-up spring, and adrenaline pumped through every vein in your body, yet you felt oddly calm. After a minute or two, you slowly pushed yourself forward on your arms until you were just barely slouching forward, looking over your shoulder. A few feet away from you, the wolf stood, his eyes trained intently on your face as you swallowed.

“Um,” you breathed, your eyes desperately scanning him up and down. “Hello?”

He didn’t say anything in return, simply shuffling further away from you. He was giving you space, you realized after a brief moment, and you blinked as you scrambled to sit completely upright. His fur was a soft, golden brown, and you had half the mind to distantly think that you wanted to run your fingers through it. Something about him seemed comforting like that.

“Hi,” you whispered once you were seeing him eye-to-eye. “Ah, um, thank you for saving me.”

Maybe you were just imagining it, but you could have sworn his eyes widened in an almost human-like manner. He didn’t move from his spot a few feet away from you, and you swallowed. You thought you would be more scared than this, more terrified of the beast standing before you. But as you sat there, watching as he blinked at you, you felt as though you were anything but. An unfamiliar yet strangely comforting warmth curled around in the pit of your stomach as you tilted your head at the wolf.

He felt so... safe. So familiar, almost like you had met him before.

“Are—are you a nice wolf?” you asked after another moment, your voice faltering the tiniest bit. “I’d like to think you’re a nice wolf, since you just saved my life.”

Once again, you were greeted by silence, the only indication that he had heard you at all being the way his ears flicked. What am I doing? you suddenly thought, your mind running at a million miles a minute. I’m talking to a wolf—an animal. I’m not a Disney character.

This was weird—or at least it was supposed to be. Yet, as you stared at this wolf who simply stared back at you with these bright, stunning green eyes, you couldn’t help but feel that everything in this moment was just perfect. Like you had been waiting your entire life for this moment to happen.

“You’re really pretty,” you suddenly blurted. In an instant, you were slamming your palm over your mouth, your cheeks flooding with heat. “Oh my god, that was embarrassing,” you murmured, your voice coming out muffled. “I’m sorry.”

Your heart hammered against your ribcage like a caged bird begging to be let out, and ever so slowly, you lowered your hands from your mouth, offering the wolf a shaky, sheepish smile. “Um, thank you, again,” you said gently, honestly. Leaning forward, you pressed your hands against the cool stone to balance yourself, your fingers digging into the rock as you spoke. “I don’t really know how you knew I was there or how you knew I was going to fall, but I really appreciate it.”

The wolf blinked at you once more, then took another step back, subtly dipping his head. Your smile widened at the sight. Pushing yourself upward, you rose to your feet, brushing off the dust from your frontside before standing upright, fidgeting almost nervously.

“I—I,” you stammered, suddenly feeling awkward, “I think I’m going to go home now, but...” You swallowed, raising your hand in a small wave as heat rose in your chest. “...thank you so much, again!”

Before the warmth in your heart could burst, you whipped around, sprinting away as fast as your legs could take you. You didn’t see the way the wolf practically crumbled into a ball on the ground, whimpering to himself as you disappeared out of sight.

Bolting down the hill and past the trees, branches blew past you in a blur as you dashed between the trunks and over patches of wildflowers. Your heartbeat pounded in your ears like a beating drum, and your chest felt oddly light. You couldn’t shake the memory of how intense that wolf’s gaze had been on yours, his eyes swirling with something that made your stomach churn and your mouth go dry.

He really was pretty.

Sapnap yawned as he stretched his arm behind his back and above his head, rolling his neck as the joint popped back into place with a satisfying crack. He couldn’t remember the last time he slept in like this, but he did not regret it one bit. Clay had given him the okay, after all. One late morning wouldn’t hurt anyone.

“Sapnap, you are not going to believe this.”

Sapnap yelped, whipping around with eyes as wide as saucers as he stumbled back a step. The drowsiness left his body in an instant, almost as though he had never been tired to begin with. Clay’s hand shot out to grab his arm, steadying him as he swallowed, relaxing once he realized who he was looking at.

“Holy crap, Clay,” he gasped, pressing a hand to his racing heart, “you scared me! I know you’ve gotten better at this whole stealth thing, but that was just straight up terrifyi—”

Clay’s grip on his arm tightened. “I saved them today,” he whispered.

Sapnap froze, and there was a beat of silence. “You did what, now?”

Just like that, Clay had flung his arms up and around his head, his fingers buried in his hair as he began to pace, his tone frantic and rushed. “There—there was this steeper area with this cliff but it was kind of hidden, and then it was breaking and I just knew something bad was going to happen, and I couldn’t just let that happen, so I moved without thinking and I was pulling them back and—”

A pair of hands suddenly grabbed onto his shoulders, stopping him dead in his tracks. “Breathe,” Sapnap instructed calmly. “You need to breathe, dude.” Clay opened his mouth, but Sapnap spoke before he could. “You are talking so quickly right now, and I can’t understand you when you talk like that.”

Clay closed his mouth, mulling over the whirlwind of thoughts and emotions steamrolling through his head. After a few moments, he finally spoke once more. “I still can’t believe it,” he murmured, suddenly sounding completely and utterly awestruck. “My mate actually stopped and thanked me. And called me pretty.”

Sapnap’s fingers loosened around Clay’s shoulders, a ghost of a smile gracing his lips. “Yeah?”

Clay sighed, sounding absolutely lovestruck. “Yeah.”

Pulling his arms back to cross them over his chest, Sapnap eyed him up and down, cocking his head. “So,” he began gently, “how are you feeling?” When Clay opened his mouth, Sapnap quickly added, “Slowly, please.”

Clay groaned, teasingly rolling his eyes before leaning back on his heels, rocking back and forth as he began to speak. “I only revealed myself as a wolf,” he said softly, “so I don’t know if they know about the mating bond yet. I don’t even know if humans can feel it like we can.”

He tilted his head back, gazing up at the cerulean blue sky. “But there’s something about the way we looked at each other that makes me feel like maybe, just maybe, humans can feel it,” he whispered, sounding breathless all at once. “Call it a gut feeling, I guess. I don’t know.” He cast a glance over at Sapnap, his eyebrows furrowed. “Do I sound crazy?”

A thoughtful look flickered across Sapnap’s face. Then, he grinned. “A little bit, yeah.”

Clay sighed, something he noticed he had been doing a lot more, lately. “I just…” He swallowed. “I just don’t want something like that to happen ever, ever again.”

Suddenly, he fell quiet, his lips parting as the wheels in his head began to turn. Sapnap watched as a tiny spark came to life within his focused gaze, small but oh-so vibrant.

“You got an idea there?” he prompted after a few seconds of silence.

Clay blinked once. Twice. Then, a smile stretched across his face—a smile as bright as the full moon.

“Something like that.”

It was probably a dumb idea for you to return to the forest for your weekly hike as if nothing had happened, but you couldn’t quite quench the curiosity that bubbled up inside you every time you thought about the wolf who had saved you. His gaze had been fiery, yet compassionate, and he had been purposely so gentle when tugging you away from the cliff. You weren't a fool—you knew how powerful a wolf could be. Then why did he treat you so kindly?

You had to find out.

Marching through the brush and shrubbery, you whipped your head this way and that, scanning every strip of forest you could lay your eyes on. Wolves were good at hiding, you knew that. After all, if they weren’t as stealthy as they were, they would never be able to catch a meal. But you had been hiking for almost an hour now, and you still hadn’t seen a single glimpse of the wolf. You couldn’t say you were completely surprised, since it wasn’t like you knew every inch of the forest, but you were frustrated to admit that you were at least a little disappointed. Maybe this was a lost cause.

But then, you heard it.

The sound of a stick snapping.

Freezing, you paused, turning as you glanced to the sides. Nothing out of the ordinary stood among the bushes. You stopped again, then pursed your lips.

No, something was there.

A tender curiosity sparked between your lungs, but it was coated in a thin layer of reluctance. Sucking in a deep breath, you whipped around, squinting at the seemingly empty trees around you as you opened your mouth.

“Wolf?” you called out slowly into the quiet. “Is that you?”

At first, all was quiet, and you held your breath. The leaves rustled around you almost tauntingly, and you distantly heard the caw of a crow. You were just about to give up and go home when a flash of gold caught your eye.

Standing motionless a single yard away was a wolf—your wolf.

A grin stretched across your face, joy surging through your body as you carefully took a few steps forward. Oh, this was definitely a dumb idea, but you was more than brave enough to keep going.

“Hi, there.” You shuffled your feet, a tentative look passing over your face. “You’re, um—” You gulped. “You’re not going to hurt me, are you?”

Clay’s eyes went wide, and he took a step back. No! he thought, hoping you would be able to read his expression, even as a wolf. Never. Not in a million years.

You stared at him for a long moment, blinking slowly as you scanned his face up and down. Then, your lips quirked up into the tiniest of smiles.

“No,” you murmured in the softest of voices, and he felt his heart melt in his chest. “If you were going to do something, you would have done it by now, wouldn’t you?”

Clay nearly sank in relief, and he barked. You raised a brow at the sound, furrowing your brows slightly. “Do you want me to keep you company?” you asked, beginning to walk up to him. “Is that what you’re doing?”

You had only made it a few steps when he suddenly barked again, taking a step toward you. In an instant, you froze, watching with bated breath as he curled around to your other side and gently nudged at your leg with his nose. You shot him a curious glance, stumbling forward the tiniest bit. “Hey,” you said, “what are you...?”

You trailed off, a cut rock face suddenly catching your attention from the corner of your eye. The stony grey wall was nearly perpendicular to the ground and looked almost eerily similar to the one you had nearly fallen down the week prior. Just like that, it clicked.

There was another small cliff right there. He was trying to keep you away from it.

“Oh,” you breathed, your lips splitting into an even wider grin as you made sure to steer away from the short cliff, “you don’t want me falling again, do you?”

He snorted, and you blinked at him. That sounded far more human this time—almost too human. It almost reminded you of a dog, if anything. A triumphant smile slowly crept onto your face, and with your head held high, you turned on your heel, marching onward and away from the rock face.

“Well, wolf,” you said, a teasing arrogance seeping into your tone as you glanced over your shoulder at him, “I promise you that I’ll be much safer this time arou—woah!”

The toe of your shoe caught on a protruding stone, and with a sharp yelp, you stumbled forward, gravity pulling you downward with a harsh pull. With a flail of your arms, you only just barely caught your balance as your hand shot out to grab onto a tree and steady yourself. Your heart flipped in your chest as you planted your feet firmly against the ground, the soles of your shoes pressed flatly against the earth as your fingers curled into the bark. Your chest heaved with surprise as you stood upright, turning to look over your shoulder at the wolf. He blinked at you, and while you knew wolves couldn’t quite smile, something about his gaze almost seemed cocky—like he was laughing at you. Heat crept up your neck and onto your face, your cheeks bursting with warmth.

“Y-You did not see that,” you sputtered, coughing into your sleeve as you brushed off your pants dismissively.

Almost as if to spare you some embarrassment, he turned his head away from you, although you could see his eyes glance your way every few seconds. Pouting, you huffed, whirling on your feet as you continued to trudge down the path. Soon enough, the sound of soft footsteps trailed after you, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sound, knowing that he would follow you even if you weren't looking.

That night, you dreamt of whispering trees and a pair of bright, viridian green eyes.

What had once been a weekly ritual of watching from afar soon turned into an amicable companionship between human and wolf. You weren't afraid as you walked into the woods to see a familiar pair of eyes waiting for you, your eagerness to see him only growing with each passing week. Clay himself could hardly contain his excitement. Actually walking beside you was so much better than simply watching from the woods, hidden by the trees. He loved your company and absolutely basked in your presence, even if you sent his heart into an absolute frenzy.

“Sometimes,” you said aloud one day, “I really do think you can understand me.”

Clay stiffened, praying you wouldn’t notice the way his ears pressed flat against his head as he turned to look at you. You sat on a tree stump while he padded atop the fallen trunk it sat beside, your gleaming gaze slowly blinking at him as he silently circled around you.

“I think it’s got something to do with the way you react to some of the things I say,” you murmured. You watched the way his tail flicked behind him, the soft fur brushing gently against the low-growing plants. A second later, you sighed, waving your hand. “Ah, I’m probably just imagining things.”

Clay nearly heaved a sigh of relief, continuing to pace. You would say surprising things like that every once in a while, and it would send his heart racing. Well, you usually only said one absurd thing per week, so you probably weren’t going to say another thing like that toda—

“Can I pet you?”

His paws came to a halt. Perhaps he thought too soon.

Before he could even properly process what you had said, You were backpedaling, shaking your head with an apologetic look. “Agh, that’s a terrible question. You’re a wolf, not a dog. There’s no way you wou—”

All of a sudden, he was crawling up to you, jutting his forehead toward your hand. His muzzle was clamped shut as his eyes bore into yours, and you gaped at him, the realization beginning to dawn on you.

“Wait,” you breathed in disbelief, “you’re actually going to let me?”

He didn’t move, lowering his eyes to the ground almost shyly as his ears curled toward you. Slowly, you raised your arm with a shaky hand and reached forward, letting your fingers gently brush over his tawny fur with a feather-light touch. You nearly gasped at the feeling, not noticing the way his legs trembled beneath him.

“Wolf,” you whispered after a few seconds, “you’re really soft.”

Clay nearly combusted on the spot. Perfect—everything about you was just perfect.

With your hand buried in his soft fur and the summer breeze ruffling your hair, You smiled, sighing with warmth lighting up your heart as the wolf at your feet melted beneath your touch.

Sapnap tapped his foot impatiently, squinting up at the glaring sun. George slept in, again. He was kind of used to it now, but even though he wasn’t surprised, he wasn’t afraid to admit that he was more than just a little ticked off.

“My mate pet me today.”

Sapnap tensed for a split second, turning to see Clay staring at him with wide eyes. Relaxing once more, he stared at him for a long, long moment before speaking. He really needed to start giving him some sort of heads up at this point.

“Dude,” he said, “I know that the last time you asked me if you sounded crazy, I said a little bit, but I feel like I might have to change my answer.”

Clay shot him a glare, and he couldn’t stop his lips from twitching in amusement. “Sapnap,” he said bluntly, “you act like you don’t talk about Karl and Alex like this.”

Sapnap looked taken aback for a moment, raising a finger, then lowering it with a defeated look. “Touché.”

As Clay walked off with his head held high and a bounce in his step, Sapnap chuckled, watching him leave with a small smile. He recognized the gleam in his eyes, the rosy hue of his cheeks.

Love—Clay really was in love, wasn’t he?

“I’ve been thinking,” you said one day, a few months later.

Clay perked up at the sound of your voice from where he lay at your feet, soaking in the first few rays of sun. It had been well over a year since he had first laid eyes on you now, and a little over a few months since you began walking together. It was only a matter of time until the leaves would turn golden brown once more as autumn descended upon them.

“I dunno,” you murmured, knocking your legs back against the stone you sat on. “I feel like I should give you a name instead of just calling you wolf all the time.” You flashed him a shy grin, your gaze darting this way and that. “It feels kind of awkward, you know?”

He cocked his head. A name? Chances were you probably weren't going to guess his actual name. He supposed he wouldn’t mind a nickname. Then again, he didn’t think he would mind anything that you might do. Lowering himself closer to the ground, he let out a quiet bark of approval.

Your lips twitched the tiniest bit at the sound, and you hummed, drumming your fingers against your thigh. “How do you feel about... Aaron?”

His emerald eyes flashed as he took a step back, ducking his head the slightest bit. Your lips pursed into a small pout, and you leaned down to rest your chin on your hand. “Alright,” you murmured, “not Aaron, then.” You chewed on the inside of your cheek for a second. “Roy?”

Clay didn’t even have to think about it for more than a second before he was whimpering, pressing his head to his paws as he dropped his haunches close to the ground. You snorted at his obvious disapproval, tapping the toes of your shoes together with a pensive look.

“Okay,” you said slowly, drawing out the vowel sound, “maybe we should try some less... human-sounding names.” You tilted your head, letting your gaze trail up the tree trunks and up at the sky above. The sun wasn’t shining directly into your eyes this time, and you blinked with surprise to see a puff of white fluff blocking out the light.  

“What about,” you offered with a hum, “Cloud?”

You glanced down again, only to see the wolf staring back at you blankly. You couldn’t quite read the look in his eyes, but you had a feeling he wasn’t quite satisfied with this one, either. Lowering your chin, you puffed your cheeks, glancing this way and that across the forest around you. You couldn’t just call him something like Leaf, or Sky—those would be too obvious, too plain for a wolf as lovely as him.

Sighing, you let your eyelids flutter shut, letting the sun wash over your cheeks and warming your skin. He was... special, even if you knew you were biased in your opinion. There was some special quality about him, something that made your chest swell and your heart skip a beat, almost as if he came straight out of a—

“Dream,” you whispered at last.

Clay’s ears perked up at the new name, and he lifted his head, flicking his ears at you. Maybe it was the name itself, maybe it was the way you said it, or maybe it was just you, but something about it just felt right. He barked once, lifting his tail as he stepped toward you.

You blinked at the sight, a small smile tugging at your lips. “Dream?” you repeated. “You like the sound of Dream?”

He barked again, leaping up onto his hind legs for a moment. You grinned, giggling at the sight of such a large wolf acting almost like a dog around you. “Alright,” you murmured, reaching your hand out toward him, “Dream it is.”

Leaning closer to you, he sank into your touch as you rubbed your hand over his head, scratching behind his ears as he let out a soft whine from the back of his throat. Your eyes softened, and you curled your knees a little closer to your chest, resting your chin on them.

“It probably doesn’t matter to you since you’re a wolf and all,” you said softly, your voice almost sounding shy in the quiet of the morning, “but my name is [Y/N].”

Clay felt a tender warmth blossom in the cracks beneath his chest, heat unfurling from the depths of his soul as something inside him swelled beyond belief. Your hand continued stroking his fur all the while, not at all noticing the way he pressed his head a little closer into your soothing touch, yearning and longing for more.

“[Y/N],” his heart sang, shooting from the top of his head to the tips of his toes. “[Y/N], [Y/N], [Y/N].”

Had a name ever sounded as beautiful as yours?

Sapnap was going to wring Skeppy’s neck. Skipping out on a morning meeting was one thing, but skipping it to hang out with your mate? Not even he did that.

“[Y/N].”

Sapnap didn’t bother flinching as he turned to see Clay standing in front of him, panting like his life depended on it. This was far from the first time this had happened, and he was sure it most certainly would not be the last. “What?”

Clay shook his head, half-looking like he was about to collapse on the spot. “My mate’s name is [Y/N].”

Sapnap blinked, then his lips curled up into a smile. “Congrats for learning what it is, man,” he said honestly, patting Clay’s shoulder with his free hand. “That’s fantastic, really. You’re making progress.”

Clay swallowed, and he reached up to drag a hand down his face before letting it drop loosely at his side. “Sapnap,” he said slowly, his voice sounding quiet and raw, “I don’t know if I can do this anymore.”

Sapnap’s eyebrows knit together, confusion rippling across his features. “What do you mean?” he asked. “You can’t keep visiting?” Something uncomfortable and cold tugged at the back of his mind. “There’s no way you’re just gonna give up like that, are you?”

Clay’s jaw dropped. “What? No! I mean that...” He paused, squeezing his fist for a moment as he sucked in a deep breath. “I don’t think I can keep showing up in only my wolf form.”

The cogs in Sapnap’s whirred to life as he took in his friend’s clenched jaw. Then, his eyes went wide. “Are you saying...?”

Clay nodded, pursing his lips as he swallowed thickly. “I’m going to reveal who I am.”

His eyes flashed with determination.

“Who I really am.”

You hummed as you twisted the key in the hole, the back door locking shut with a click you had grown used to hearing every week for the past year and a half, now. Whirling around, you could already feel the smile start to spread across your face as you leapt off the porch and ran toward the well-worn path, the forest beckoning you forward with a distant howl. You didn’t remember when exactly your weekly hikes grew to become your favourite part of the week, but you couldn’t imagine life without them, anymore.

Sucking in a deep breath, your chest swelled at the fresh air rushing into your lungs, excitement flickering through your body with every step you took. You couldn’t wait to see Dream again, as strange as it may sound. He had grown to be a greater comfort than you would have ever imagined, even if he was just a wolf. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, but you knew your feelings were true—you couldn’t deny the warmth he made you feel.

Whipping around a tree trunk, you felt your heart skip a beat. You already knew Dream would be waiting for you at your rock—the one he had saved you from all those weeks ago. It had become a sort of meeting spot for them, and every week without fail, he would appear there, no matter how early or late you were.

As the shrubbery gave way to a clean, dirt trail, you lifted your head, squinting your eyes. You recognized this part of the forest, and you knew that you were getting closer. Just then, you saw it—the familiar streak of grey stone slanting up from the earth in a small cliff face. Usually, Dream would sit at the cliff base, his ears already pointed toward you. But today, your brows furrowed when you didn’t see a pair of ears facing you, but a head of hair.

Someone else was at your rock.

Slowing your pace to a walk, you paused for a moment, eyeing the figure sitting at your usual meeting spot. It was a man, you realized, and he was facing away from you. He wore a simple white shirt with jeans, and his hair was a shade of dirty blond with streaks of gold. Even if only from the back, it looked almost oddly familiar gleaming underneath the morning sun.

Taking a tentative step forward, you curled your fingers into your palm. “Hello?” you called hesitantly.

The man startled for a moment, then turned toward you, his face coming into view. As his gaze locked onto yours, he opened his mouth and uttered two simple words.

“Hi, [Y/N].”

You felt your breath hitch in your throat.

His voice was soft, gently wrapping around you like a soothing blanket. Your gaze only briefly raked over the comforting smile gracing his lips, instead focusing on the gleam in his eyes that danced with something warm and inviting.

His eyes were green—a shade of green that you had grown to know and adore.

No, you thought, your heart trembling in your chest. He couldn’t possibly be...

You took another step forward, closing the space between them by another few inches. With your eyebrows knitting together, your voice dropped to a small, curious whisper. “Dream?”

He shot you a crooked grin, chuckling softly. “That’s my name—or at least the one you gave me.” Leaning forward, he rose to his feet, the sun casting a bright streak of light across his cheeks. “My real name is Clay.”

All of a sudden, you felt as though all the air had been sucked out of your lungs. “Clay,” you repeated, your mind slowly growing murky with confusion, “but you’re also Dream. How...?”

A sheepish look skittered across his face, and he ducked his head. The way he lowered his chin was familiar, looking almost far too like a certain wolf you knew. “I—I guess you could say I live in two worlds with two forms,” he began. “Sometimes I’m a wolf, sometimes I’m a human.” He shrugged nonchalantly, but you didn’t miss the way his shoulders remained tense. “You already know one of them, but I didn’t want to keep hiding this form from you, so...” He gestured to himself with a bashful look. “...here I am.”

You blinked at him slowly, the muddled fog in your head slowly giving way to a strikingly warm clarity. But before the clouds could fully part, your lips began to move.

“You’re still pretty,” you blurted, your eyes going wide as soon as the words left your mouth.

In a flash, Clay’s cheeks flushed crimson, a haze of rosy pink dusting his freckles. “H-Huh?”

Waving your hands in front of you, you took a step back, embarrassment shooting up your spine. “I-I mean to say that you’re still pretty as a human! Because you’re pretty in both of your forms!” You stiffened, exasperation soaking your features as your knees buckled. “Wait, no, oh no, that’s also embarrassing... wait, please, um—”

Suddenly, he began to laugh. You fell quiet as you watched Clay clutch at his stomach, his lips split into a wide grin as peals of laughter tumbled from his lips. A familiar pit of warmth flared up in your stomach, one you had felt standing here with Dream so many times before.

He really was Dream, wasn’t he?

As his chuckles finally died down into silence, he stood upright once more, wiping a barely there tear from his eye. “I’m sorry for laughing,” he managed with an apologetic smile. “You must be confused about, well, everything.”

You offered him an honest, lopsided grin. “A little.”

His smile slowly melted from his features, and he cleared his throat as he turned to face you head-on. “Well, this is probably going to sound weird, but you and I...” He swallowed, his gaze flashing. “We’re mates.”

You blinked, your lips parting in surprise. Something in your chest slowly expanded. “Mates?” you repeated softly.

He nodded, his expression firm yet hesitant. “Yes, mates. It means that in one way or another, our souls are connected.” Inhaling deeply, he screwed his eyes shut before continuing. “It’s a lot to take in, I know, but I just want you to know that you don’t have to accept the mating bond.” His voice was trembling now, growing quieter by the second as he squeezed his hands into fists at his side. “You don’t owe me anything. I know this must be scary for you, and the last thing I want is for you to feel pressured because of m—”

“I’m not afraid.”

Clay’s eyes shot wide open, and he raised his head, shock etched into his features. “You aren’t?” he whispered.

The smile on your face was open and kind, and you shook your head. “No,” you murmured, sincerity lacing your every word. “Not at all. Dream, Clay... no matter what your name is, you’re still you, and I know you.” You took another step forward, your eyes never leaving his. There was hardly any space between them now, and Clay could feel his shoulders begin to shake with the sheer gravity of the moment. “I can’t explain it, but I just know I do.”

He swallowed, a whirlwind of anxiety and affection brewing just beneath the surface of his skin. “You don’t have to do this,” he whispered, his voice cracking. “I know I’m just a stranger to you.”

You shook your head, again. “You’re not,” you said quietly. “Not to me.”

Before he could even register what was happening, you were reaching for his hand, clasping your palms around his fingers and holding them gently. His heart flipped in his chest at the feeling of your skin against his, and something stung at the back of his eyes.

You were so warm.

“I want to do this,” you whispered, just for him to hear and him alone, “I promise. I—” You gulped, your gaze remaining steady. “I might not know anything about your world yet, but I want to learn.”

You squeezed his hand. “I want to learn more about you.”

Clay sucked in a ragged breath. With shaky fingers and a gentle touch, he pressed his other hand to the back of yours, squeezing back ever so slightly. “I want to learn more about you, too.”

The smile you flashed him easily outshone the sun and every star that scattered across the night sky, and for a moment, he thought his heart had stopped in his chest.

“I’m glad,” you said, your eyes gleaming with delight. “I think we’ll have plenty of time to do that on our hike.”

Right then, a breeze came drifting past, the distant scent of rain filling the air. The trees murmured with rustling leaves and flapping wings as two birds landed on a hanging branch above, gazing down at the two silhouettes standing at the base of the rock face. Just for a moment, or maybe even two, the entire forest went still.

And unbeknownst to you and Clay, right between your feet, a flower began to bloom.

[auroracalisto]

don’t let them see you cry chapter four, ruminating can be bad for the heart | previous chapter — the handler—the very reason for your personal slice of hell. haunting your every move… in your sleep, during the slow hours of the day. the swedish brothers—should have been strangers who show up and show you that you are more than what she told you. you are more than your mind allows you to believe. and you—the very person who will end the misery that plagues your mind. word count: 3.1k words tw: reader has some suicidal thoughts towards the beginning! please be aware and proceed with caution. reader likes to bake?? that's not a trigger but it's def a warning if you haven't figured it out yet. a/n: also, listen by this point you can probably tell i don’t speak swedish. and i don’t want to butcher the language depending on translations, so i will *only* use simple word translations,,, like “älskling” which means “darling” or “love.” everything else will be bolded so you know what’s being said. also, here’s the link to the story on ao3

There has always been a fine, fine line between life and death.

Between good and evil.

Many people choose to take it easy, trailing just far enough to avoid that moment of crossing over into the land of the dead. Others choose to take a leap of faith, only to fall short and find that line far sooner than they had anticipated. Some people tread the line of good and evil and it equated it to be the same as life and death—but there are good and bad things with each, just like a human.

Just like these three assassins who often tread that fine line, tasting death but never quite eating it too. 

They stayed just safe enough to scrape by with wounds bad enough to make even the most dedicated medic cringe. But the severity of it meant little to them, as long as they were good within the next couple of days. 

Perhaps the commission pumped their assassins full of fast-healing drugs. 

Perhaps they fueled their minds with the idea that chasing death was just as safe as staying behind that thin line, yellow warning signs blaring the closer they got. 

There were so many 'perhaps' floating around in your head that it was hard to see the pages of your book clearly. And yet, your mind continued, not wanting to give you a moment of peaceful quiet. 

You found yourself constantly worrying now, much to your own chagrin. Your previous worries were intense, yes, but realizing just how often these brothers were sent out on missions from the few weeks they had been staying with you made it even worse. 

You weren't even sure where they went, or how long they would be gone. At times, they would show up in the middle of the night after a mission, completely battered and bruised. You've counted five missions so far—if they succeeded, you didn't know. But you and the triplets both knew that at some point, they would not be able to hide the truth. 

Your mother never told you much. Not about the Commission, about the Commission's assassins, about life and death, and good and evil. Your mother never mentioned how often people would die due to her job—due to her bidding. But perhaps it was better that way. So you wouldn't worry. So you wouldn't think about the inevitable. But your mother never truly did anything without some kind of benefit to her own needs. An outlandish thought crossed your mind. What if she didn't tell you so you would worry yourself to death over things you'd never be able to control?

Maybe that wasn't so outlandish.

You knew death stayed on your mother's mind far too often to be healthy, and evil wasn’t far behind. Every little detail was procured by her, for her own gain, for her personal wellbeing. 

There were days you wondered if that would be it—if the brothers would receive a mission to eradicate you, so your mother wouldn’t have to deal with you.

And there were days that you realized you could just do it yourself—if you truly, truly wanted to.

Did you?

There were some days your mind berated you in similar ways your mother did, and you couldn’t help but think of just how bad your mother was. But other days, you remembered those sweet memories of a doting mother, as fleeting as they may be. And the lines between good and evil blur, delicately weaving with everything in between. 

But these brothers… made you feel differently. They made you wonder, just by looking at you, if you were truly as bad as what your mother shoved into the crevices of your mind.

Yes, those thoughts of death still stepped up to the edge of that warning tape plastered in your mind. But just looking at them, regardless of missions and your unwarranted thinking—you were starting to think differently. 

There is a fine, fine line between life and death.

Between good and evil.

But you cannot have one without the other… and everyone has their moments. Some people were good but did bad things to get by. Some people were bad, but did good things to make people believe they weren’t all that bad. 

You had already decided what your mother was, and what these triplets were. Who they were, despite the fact you didn’t know them as much as you wished you did.

And you couldn’t help but hold that idea close to you. Because if you didn’t, the only thing that silly little saying would remind you of was your mother and how often she ridiculed it. 

The brothers—they talked to you more, now. More than your mother ever would have allowed. Hell, had she'd known they were holed up with you in the very place she sent you to, she'd have a hissy fit. 

Did she know?

No.

No, she couldn't.

Each brother had a personality that fit their Commission personas perfectly—but you couldn’t help but feel as if they were giving you more than what you already knew. 

You knew assassins. They were cruel, unforgiving. But these men weren’t that way. With their job, perhaps—something they still had yet to disclose with you—but in your house, under the sanctity of your roof, they slowly became themselves around you.

But you kept that idea of the brothers being assassins close to your heart. Despite your growing closeness, they could end you at any given time. Perhaps it was just your anxiety breathing down your neck, remnants of your toxic mother, but it made a good point.

That idea never left you.

It haunted you.

It robbed you of a welcoming feeling—of the emotions that should have come with getting to know these men. Of knowing these men, despite what the neighborhood gossip spread. Despite what they’ve heard and seen.

Despite the fine line, despite the thrill of death haunting the Swedes’ every move… there was still that possibility that they could end you, just like your mother would have had it not been for your begging—or was it Lila’s? Your memory was hazy when it came to things like that… and you knew you were better off not remembering the full story.

Maybe you were overthinking things. It most definitely wouldn’t be the first time. 

This was the third time today that Axel had walked into the living room seeing you staring down at your book, lost in thought. 

The man let out a sigh through his nose, walking over to you and taking the book out of your hands. 

You froze for just a moment, eyes flickering up to the man standing there.

As luck would have it, your train of thought was interrupted. But you needed it to happen. Who knows where your mind would have led you if it kept going. 

“Get up,” Axel said, sitting the book on the coffee table. “We’re going to the store.”

You blinked slowly at him. “What?”

“You heard me,” he said, frowning at you. “You are running low and I’d like to go to the store. You’re coming with me.”

You gave a small nod, quickly getting to your feet. You were dressed for the day, and only needed your purse. 

Axel stopped you from grabbing it, simply pointing to the door. “I will pay. Go.”

You pursed your lips. Should you feel guilty that he offered to pay? After all, you were the host. 

"Now," he said, gently pushing you to the door. He walked behind you as you made your way to the sidewalk.

Silence encased the two of you as you walked—the only interruption was Axel, two blocks into your walk. You only had two more to go to get to the store. 

Your mind was still reeling from just moments before—how quickly things changed and how quickly things could change. As you found yourself getting wound up back in your head, Axel cleared his throat.

“What were you thinking about?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry?”

You looked back at him, curiously while tilting your head. 

He looked down at you, narrowing his eyes. He wanted you to speak. That much was obvious.

You gingerly bit your lip, looking away from him as quickly as you had looked at him.

“Just… stuff.”

“Just stuff?”

“Yeah.”

He rolled his eyes. “I am foreign. I am not stupid.”

“I didn’t say you were—“

“You implied.”

“I did not!” Your heart pounded in your chest as you looked up at him again. “There are just some things I’d rather not share! And that’s one of them.”

Passerbys watched the conversation unfold. Axel glared in their direction and you nudged him with your elbow, wanting him to stop. It wasn't their fault you had nearly yelled at the Swedish man.

“It is not the first time I’ve found you like that,” Axel said. “I usually ignore it, but…”

“But what?”

He scoffed, soft pink tinting his cheeks as he spoke. “Oscar wanted me to make sure you were okay.”

Your cheeks burned at the comment and you once again looked away from him. 

Axel wasn’t quite sure how he felt about you—but he knew his brothers cared for you, even if they wouldn’t say it. He had been practically outvoted when it came to checking in on you, and when he found you hunched over your book again, he broke a little inside. He was supposed to be a top notch assassin—a person who had no fears, who felt no love. 

But you were different. 

The kind of different that made him question things. The kind of different that made him see things differently—one that kept him hypnotized and on the edge of his seat, waiting to see what would happen next. He couldn't quite figure you out, either. Everything you were screamed 1960s housewife, despite the fact you quite literally were not one. But there was something gnawing away at the back of his mind, whispering a constant doubt to him—you couldn't have been from here. 

Or maybe a part of him just hoped that. Because then, it would make things a whole lot easier when it came to explaining who his brothers were. If it ever came to that.

Axel cleared his throat again, his eyes trained on the upcoming store sign. 

It was just a mom-and-pop store—Eddie’s, by the look of it. 

You led him inside, picking up a shopping basket as you did. Axel grabbed ahold of your wrist, shaking his head. He took the basket from you, raising an eyebrow as he did so.

Was it hot in this place? Or was it just you?

You looked away from Axel, heat pooling in your stomach—butterflies begged to be let out, circling around in a hurried frenzy. 

“I know what we need,” he said. “Is there anything you wanted?”

“Uh… yes, but it’s expensive,” you admitted, looking at the food lining the aisles as you began to walk. 

Axel fought the urge to roll his eyes. 

“What did you want?” he asked, sitting a couple of cans of something in the basket. 

You bit your lip, glancing back at him. 

He returned your gaze, that same solemn look still plastered to his face like a mask that just wouldn’t come off. 

Your mother had always done the same, except hers was a fake smile and a blaze of pure, unadulterated fury just behind her cold eyes.

Axel's might have been an icy blue, but there was something more just beyond them—you couldn't help but feel the warmth hidden beneath them, waiting for the right person to show it to. 

You wrung your fingers in front of your body before sighing, giving in to the Swedish man. 

“I was wanting things to make cookies. I… I know I’ve been on a muffin kick, and Oscar mentioned something about it.”

Axel knew you hadn’t baked once since Darla’s mother fired you the week before. He couldn't help it as pride swelled in his chest at the thought that you were getting back into one of your hobbies. 

Axel just smirked at you, motioning to the baking aisle as he continued shopping for what he knew you also needed. 

Only ten minutes would pass before you met back up with him, arms stock full of baking supplies. You gave Axel an awkward smile. 

“Ready?”

He nodded in return, taking you to the register. Nothing was said to you as the two of you checked out, receiving two large paper bags filled with product in the process. Axel took the heavier one while he had you take the lighter one. You had wanted to say something, knowing you could have taken care of that, but you said nothing more. You had been on your own for years—you were perfectly capable of carrying the heavier bag.

The walk back to your home was silent, the only sound being the taps of your shoes and the birds chirping as they flew by. An occasional car would catch your attention, but your eyes remained glued on the route home. 

You had taken this way many times, but never with Axel by your side. And for once, you were grateful that you had someone other than yourself to keep you company. He had truly made you leave the comfort of your favorite armchair to get you out of your mind, regardless of whether or not it was because of Oscar or his own freewill.

Stepping into the house, fighting your daunting thoughts as you made it past the threshold, Peanut and Ginger poked their little heads up from their spot on the couch. Your other three were nowhere to be seen, most likely sitting on your bed, waiting for you to eventually join them (or dinnertime—whichever came first). 

You stepped toward to greet them, white hair peeking up from the couch. The television was quickly turned off, Oscar sitting up from where he laid on the couch. 

He began to smile. “You’re back!” he cheerfully said, glancing at Axel. Axel raised an eyebrow but took his bag to the kitchen, leaving you alone with his brother. 

“What did you get?” he asked, peaking into the bag. His eyes widened, grinning as he realized what the ingredients were for. “Cookies?”

“Cookies,” you replied, smiling in return. 

“Can I help?”

You paused for a moment, tilting your head. “You want to help?”

“That is what I asked,” he said, picking up Ginger as he spoke. He gently rubbed under her little chin, the kitten trying to bite at his fingers. “Stop that,” he scolded the cat as she got ahold of his skin, leaving a small puncture wound in the process. She was a feisty little thing, that's for sure. 

“I.. should clean up the living room before we do,” you said. “And put these away. I’m not sure if Axel knows where everything goes.”

Oscar jokingly wiggled his eyebrows. “You would be surprised, älskling.” 

You tilted your head once more, smiling a bit. You didn’t know what that meant, but you didn’t say anything more, taking the bag of goods into the kitchen. To your surprise, Oscar was right. Axel had already put everything away, exactly how you had it. 

Axel folded the paper bag up, handing it to you and taking your bag from you. 

A part of you wanted to ask what this all was—why was he being so nice to you? Was there some ulterior motive?

No, you reminded yourself. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. Some people are just nice.

Sometimes.

Heat bloomed just beneath your skin as you looked away from him, sitting the paper bag where you normally put them to use later. With your back turned to Axel, you rubbed your tired face with the back of your hand.

“You’re back,” a voice came from the doorway.

Dropping your hand, you looked over your shoulder, seeing Otto. You gave a faint smile. 

“Did not except you,” Otto muttered under his breath. He looked between you and Axel before he spoke in his native tongue, staring his brother down. “Is she okay? What happened?”

“She wouldn’t tell.”

Otto frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. 

“I will get it out of her,” Oscar called from the living room.

“You will not, ” Otto immediately said. “Leave her be.”

“Shut it, ” Axel scoffed, sitting your baking products on the counter. “She will tell us when she is ready.”

“And when will that be?” Oscar continued. 

“Oscar.”

Oscar scoffed and laid back on the couch, pulling Peanut and Ginger onto his chest. Another cat, your crabby Caesar, unbeknownst to Oscar, watched jealously from the shadows, wanting to be loved by the man himself. 

You shuffled awkwardly where you stood, giving the two in the kitchen a smile. “I’m going to clean up, and then I’m going to bake,” you said. “How do… double chocolate cookies sound?”

Axel grunted in response, and Otto only gave you a small nod. 

You gave yet another smile and moved past Otto, who walked completely into the kitchen to allow you to go past him.

Axel glanced back at Otto. 

“She would not tell me, but if it’s something about one of us, we will find out.”

“I… I do not think it will be about us, ” Otto said. “I think it’s something more.”

“Inquisitive,” Axel rolled his eyes. 

Otto huffed under his breath, glaring at his older brother. He left the kitchen, leaving Axel to his own accord. 

With your thoughts pushed to the back of your mind, you cleaned your living room up. Fingertips brushed against the book you had been staring at earlier, Oscar watching you with a curious expression.

“What?”

You looked up at him, giving him a soft smile. “Just thinking.”

“About earlier?”

You nodded, picking up the book and sitting it on the bookshelf you had in your living room.

“Want to talk about it?”

You shook your head. 

That’s all he would get out of you, for now. Oscar gave you a smile, nodding. 

“We will talk later, hm?”

“Maybe.”

Oscar smiled even more, turning his attention back to the kittens who snuggled on his chest—Caesar remained in the background, yellow eyes shining dangerously.

You said nothing more, finding a quiet rhythm in cleaning the living room before you’d once again find yourself in the kitchen, ready to bake something other than strawberry muffins. 

next chapter

[frannyzooey]

Happy Birthday, Rachel!

STROLLING IN HERE TO WISH RACHEL A HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIKE:

gif by @vibroblade​

To the one and only filthy @djarinsbeskar , we want to wish the HAPPIEST birthday: full of good wishes, plentiful yarn for dubious purposes, endless porn gif inspiration and (hopefully) amazingly good food, because someone BY GOD FEED THIS WOMAN - look at all the work she cranks out! She needs to be fed, to keep us fed!

We have all been so inspired this year not only by your wonderful writing, but also by your persevering attitude and all the hard work you are doing in order to make your dreams come true, so we wanted to gift you not only these wonderful messages of love, but also a little help to make your cover art dreams come to life. 

You are such an amazingly supportive light in this fandom - thank you, for everything you do and for all the ways you show us love, including blessing us with your never ending support and your incredibly delicious, extremely indulgent, amazing filth. We love you! - Kelli @frannyzooey

More Happy Birthday messages under the cut!

Happy Birthday, Rach!! You are an icon. You are so utterly talented and I am beyond proud of you for all that you’re doing to make your dreams happen. Love - Charnie @charnelhouse

—

Happy Birthday, Rachel! You constantly amaze me everyday with your talent, your refusal to quit, and the way you look at the world with such a clear heart and level head. I am so proud of you for going after your dreams! I cannot wait to see your name on my bookshelf! Your kindness knows no bounds and to know you is a wonderful thing indeed. Happiest of happy birthdays! I hope you have a wonderful day! - Cat @radiowallet

—

Sweet Rachel, Happy Birthday! I am in constant awe of your kindness, your endless talent and your work ethic, and am beyond excited and honoured to play a small part in your journey to publishing, both with this gift and as your friend ❤ With love, Dani @javierpcna

—

Darling Rachel — You are truly one of a kind. Funny and smart in equal measure, talented to boot, caring and thoughtful with people and characters alike. Reading even a sentence of something you’ve written is such a privilege, one I am so glad that you share with us. BoXXXer!Din still makes my knees shake when I think about him. Watching you chase your dreams makes me so incredibly proud of you, and I cannot wait to have your name on my bookshelf alongside all my other faves. I hope your day is filled with all the things and people you love. Happy Birthday!! — Jess @jazzelsaur

—

Wishing you the happiest of birthdays, Rachel! 🎉 May you have a wonderful day and an even better year, and may you continue blessing us–and soon the wider world–with your glorious 🍆s, both fictional and crochet!  ♡twp @thirstworldproblemss

—-

Rachel you absolute birthday fiend

I hope you have the most amazing day ever filled with big [censored] and gargantuan [censored] and gigantic [censored]. You are truly a force to be reckoned with, insanely talented in your words and your writing, the way you have me by the throat with each and every word that you compose in your stories, your DM messages that makes me laugh until I am screaming with it (and frightening both my dog and my neighbours). Your presence in my life always fill me up with such joy and I am always so grateful and feel so privileged for you having allowed me into yours. People like you are so hard to come by and I treasure the opportunity to have come into your life and to be able to squat there without any attempts of eviction. 

You give so much of yourself, and your kindness always inspires me to do better and it gives me such hope. I can only hope that you have the most amazing year in 2022. One filled with joy and laughter, and all the success you have ever wanted on every level because I cannot think of anyone more deserving than you. I love you so dearly. 

CiCi. xx @astroboots

—-

Rachel, mo anam cara, the Joey to my Chandler, my partner in fiendom,

How I adore you. You are truly one of the best people that I know. You love with your whole heart and your passion is contagious. I feel like the moment we met something just clicked and I went…”There! There is one of my people.” Even my mom claims you. Lol You’re simply a joy to be around and to talk to, and I RUE THE DAY I LEFT YOUR COUNTRY.

There is rarely a day that goes by when we don’t talk, and I always look forward to seeing your name pop into my DMs. I am simply a whore for every brilliant thought in  your gorgeous brain. The stories you write are full of depth, characters that inspire, and authentic emotion while having a cinematic epic quality that makes my heart skip three beats. I can’t wait to see what you do next, and I am so proud of all you’ve already done.

I hope you have a wonderful day, and I hope you know today and every day how special and how loved you are. One day we shall go to Queen of Tarts and share tea and Bailey’s Cheesecake, but until that moment, I shall continue to make myself a menace in your DMs. 

Love you always!

Ren @the-ginger-hedge-witch

—-

Rachel!

Happy birthday you actual queen! You are an amazing writer and more than that, a wonderful friend. You inspire others with your talent, your humor, and the way you lift up your fellow creators. Wishing you a day full of love, fun, and happiness. You deserve it - today and every day! 

Love you big, Emma/ @magpie-to-the-morning

—-

RACHELLLL! you giant, wonderful fiend. Happy happy birthday to you!!

No amount of words (coherent or otherwise) can describe how grateful I am to know you. Never would I have guessed that drawing boxer!Din and forcing myself into your inbox would lead to making one of the best internet friends anyone could wish for. I value your presence so much and you just have this ability to light up the people around you that transcends digital barriers and timezones x

You are fiercely supportive and incredibly creative to boot! The world truly doesn't know what it has with you.

All that to say– I hope you have a wonderful day today Rachel darling, you deserve that xx

Your loving Aussie wife, Ronnie @ronnieiswriting

___

Rachel, the heathenous gremlin love of my life - where to even start. There are not enough words in any known language to describe all the wonderful things that you deserve from life.

Or as Mr Lils put it when I mentioned I don't even know how to convey my birthday love for you in this message - "Well, it's gotta be something depraved. It's Rachel." 

I hope you have the happiest day filled with joy, and are made to feel as special as you truly are in all of our lives. You are one in a million Miss Gremlin and we all love you endlessly.

Here's to another year of you absolutely ruining my brain, heart, and puthy. 

Love the raccoon that comes begging on your door for scraps, Lils 💓 @asta-lily

___

Rachel, there are no words in the English language (or in any other language, really) to describe how much I look up to you, how much your writing means to me (and to so many people!), and how I’m learning from you on a daily basis. I envy the way your mind works, and I admire it, too, when I think about all the things you put together this past year, all the joy you brought to people during such a difficult time, all the things you accomplished with such ease and grace. I cannot wait to see where your journey takes you this year, and I know that wherever you will go, you will brighten people’s lives with the stories you tell and the friendship you give!

I wish you the happiest of birthdays, I wish you a day filled with fun and cake, I wish you a magical new year that will see all your dreams come true. If they don’t, just call me and I will knife-emoji anything that’s standing in the way of that. I love you lots ❤️ Astrid @javier-pena

——

rachel— my love, my light, my porn dealer, my irish queen. words cannot describe how happy i am that you came (heh) into my life, and really did change it for the better just by being you. your support, and kindness, and advice has been invaluable for the past year, and you’re truly beautiful inside and out.

and your writing… ho boy, don’t even get me started cause i truly could go on for hours. every time i read your work, i feel so inspired and reinvigorated for the craft of writing, because yours is just. that. good. it makes me want to be the best i can be also. (and its fucking hot so… that helps.)

i hope you have a birthday filled with the same warmth and love you bestow on others (and many hunter kisses)!

love you lots ❤️ olive @heartsofbeskar

—-

Happy birthday, Rachel, you talented human!! You constantly inspire me with your drive to create, your world building and your humour. I hope you have a lovely day <3

Love from Maia x @honestlyshite

—-

To my dearest Rachel – the Fat Cock Queen herself. 

I feel so blessed to call someone as kind, funny, and TALENTED as you a friend. You’ve been one of the most welcoming and wonderful people I’ve had the pleasure of meeting online AND off. Beyond that, you’re truly an inspiring individual with a real dedication to your craft. I’ve struggled rediscovering that spark to create for years and your work and your creative energy is a large part of my rekindled romance with making. Thank you for sharing your thots and your light with us. I wish we could celebrate in person but showering you with digital love will have to do for now. I hope your birthday is filled with yummy food and lots of self indulgence. 

Smooches from your American wife,

B @literallydontlook

—

Rachel my Irish love! I’m so happy to know you and be in your gifted ass presence constantly. I can’t wait to support you on your publishing journey and make feral tiktoks about A Sensual Summoning and the crazy person it’s going to make me. You are so immensely talented and I love you dearly ❤️ Slainté!!!!!! 

Kriss @krissology

[maddiwrites]

The Hybrid (I)

Pairing: JJ x Reader

Summary: The Pogues rekindle their friendship with their old childhood best friend and JJ’s first crush, Y/N. Old feelings resurface for JJ and Y/N, possibly leading to a summer neither one of them could ever forget. Due to past trauma, Y/N is reluctant to let anyone into her heart, but JJ never backs down from a challenge, even if he knows it will come back to haunt him in the end.

Note: Thank you for being patient with me as I slowly write this series. I had this idea a long time ago and I’m not finding motivation to write it but the inspiration comes and go. I smile with every comment that is left on my fics and I’m so grateful for this community. Thank you for letting me pursue my creative writing without judgement. Love you guys! (Also, yes. If you didn’t see my last note, I based YN’s family off of the Gilmore Girls characters. That’s who I picture as them.)

Word Count: 8k

 Masterlist   Prologue 

You wake up to someone falling on your bed next to you with a dramatic sigh. Knowing exactly who it is, you choose to ignore her and try getting back to the dreamless sleep you were peacefully having before you woke up.

That is, until she sighs again. 

You flip onto your back and stare up at your ceiling fan that’s quickly spinning above you. “What, Rory?”

“How did it go with Andre and that boy?”

You look at her with one brow raised. “You woke me up to hear about Andre’s love life? That hardly sounds like you. You don’t care about high school drama or hookups.”

“You’re right,” Rory says. “But I thought I would ease you into what I actually need to tell you.”

You turn on right side and look at your sister confused. “What?”

She sighs. “The cafe’s basement flooded last night. Mom needs us there to help her clean up and take inventory on what’s salvageable.”

You turn back on you backside and close your eyes, exhaling a deep sigh. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Unfortunately not,” Rory says and pats you twice on your covered thigh as she sits up. “Come on. I made you pre-cafe coffee. It’s sitting in the kitchen.”

You throw your sheets off of you and trudge to the bathroom to brush your teeth and clean your face. It’s about 8 a.m. At least you were able to get about six hours of sleep. 

Last night, it was hard to let your brain rest to fall asleep. You kept tossing and turning, thinking about the blonde Pogue who walked you home. You missed how easy it was to talk to someone who you felt truly knew you. Your banter rolled off your tongue easily and you never had to worry about offending him because you knew him like the back of your hand. You knew what he could take and what he couldn't. 

Talking to him brought back childhood memories you had hidden deep in your mind. How JJ would constantly poke you until you ripped into a smile on days that were grey. How you used to steal John B’s bandanas until he was chasing you around his house to get them back. How you would draw a mustache and a unibrow on Pope’s face when he fell asleep by the water. 

Those days felt like they were decades ago. So far away, you didn’t know if you’d be able to reach for them again. If it was even possible to get back. 

You thought about texting him. Thanks for walking me back. We should all get together soon! You had written out. But then you deleted the whole message, telling yourself it was because you didn’t know if he even had the same number. But deep down, you were just afraid of the rejection. 

Its been about three years since the four of you had been together in one place. You don’t know what they’ve been through or if they’ve changed. They for sure as hell don’t know what you’ve been through. You don’t know if they're dynamic has changed. Clearly you and JJ can still joke with each other but what about John B and Pope? You heard about John B’s father disappearing at sea, most people believing he’s dead, but John B holding onto hope that’s he’s alive. You always thought about calling him to reach out and offer your condolences. But for the same reason you didn’t text JJ, you never called. It didn’t feel like your place. They had Kie for that now. A little part of you felt jealous of her, like she had replaced you and any memory of you. She seemed nice, but she wasn’t you.

“Ready?” Rory pops her head in to your room as you slip on a cropped plain white zip up jacket over your cropped black tank. 

“As I’ll ever be,” You say and snag the car keys out of her hands. “Don’t even think about it. I’m driving.”

Rory rolls her eyes. “I want to get there safely.”

“And I want to get there quickly.”

“Fine. But we’re taking my car. It actually has doors.”

For your sixteenth birthday, your grandparents gifted both you and Rory your own individual cars and even let you pick them out. Rory chose a black 2020 Honda Civic for it’s safety features and reputation for longevity as if she was planning on handing it down to her future kids. And you picked out a white 2020 Jeep Wrangler with a hard top that pops off along with the doors for a very open and thrilling ride. Everyone but you called it a death trap, but you found it to be the perfect summer car. 

You park Rory’s boring Honda Civic in the back of the cafe in a lot used specifically for employees. The cafe is already booming with teens and families, waiting for their morning coffees and fresh pastries. Kids your age are running around behind the counter with sweat dripping down their brow bone to get everyone’s orders out in a timely manner. 

In the back of the store, your mom walks up the steps from the basement with two large trash bags and immediately notices the two of you. “Oh good. You’re here. Rory, help the girls behind the counter. The dishwasher’s broken and poor Hailey is hand washing everything. Y/N, come with me downstairs.”

“Why does Rory get the fun job?” You grumble and follow your mom back downstairs after she tosses the two trash bags. 

“Because she’s actually nice to the customers.”

“Treat others how you would like to be treated. Isn’t that what everyone always says?” You smirk. You never agreed with the phrase ‘the customer is always right.’ It’s complete bullshit and being the employee shouldn’t mean letting yourself getting verbally abused by a ‘Karen’ on the other side of the counter. 

The basement is used for the cafe’s storage, lined with wooden shelves Steve put together that hold to go cups, back up espresso machines, boxes of coffee and food and ingredients, etc. Now all the boxes are dark and sopping, creating puddles on the concrete floor. 

“Oh my god. Mom. How did this happen?”

“Jenky water pipe busted in the middle of the night,” Steve walks down the stairs and passes your mom a knowing look. It didn’t surprise you that he was here. He’s the jack of all trades. Owns his own automotive shop, builds a lot of his own furniture, actually cooks a decent meal, and has the same outlook on customer service as you do. He was probably your mom’s first call. “Talked to the plumber. They can’t get here until at least noon.”

“Noon? We’ll be underwater by noon. I might as well turn all my employees into a swim team,” Your mom says.

Steve shakes his head. “I was able to hold the leak until he gets here. You should be fine.”

Steve was the first person that actually helped your mother out when's she moved to the Cut. Six months pregnant, she pushed her car into his automotive shop after it broke down on the side of the road. Their banter was similar to the one you and JJ have. He helped save your mom money by building yours and Rory’s cribs, changing table, and dressers. And ever since, the two of them had been connected by the hip, although they both refuse to admit it. You think the pair are just trying to deny the love they clearly share for each other. And you think the main reason for that is because of the incident four years ago with your mom’s ex boyfriend. No thanks to you.

 “Look at you constantly building your resume,” You smirk at him. 

Steve scoffs. “It’s more than what you’re doing.”

You roll your eyes. Steve is the closest thing you have to a father. He practically helped raise you with your mom. He’s the one you turn to whenever a fight with your mom goes too far, which isn't too often but it happens. He usually lets you stay at his house for the night to let you cool off. But he’ll never sugar coat his advice when it comes time for him to give it. Even if you don’t ask for it. He knows growing up with Rory has been challenging. She was clearly your mom’s favorite, or at least that’s what you thought. She has a 4.0 GPA with a realistic dream to get into Brown University and study journalism. She played by every rule, never got into trouble, and spent most of her free nights getting ahead of her school work or staying late at the cafe with an open book from the library across the street. She was an absolute angel to everyone else, making you look like her evil twin. 

You glare at him before turning to your mom with crossed arms. “What do you want me to do, Mom?”

“Actually honey. Can you go to Heywards and grab more coffee filters and napkins. The water soaked right through the plastic wrapping on our last box.”

You nod, leaving your mom and Steve to clean up the basement themselves. Before heading out, you sneak behind the counter and make yourself a quick coffee to go.

“Where you going?” Rory asks as she reaches behind you to grab a banana for her customer at the register.

“Heywards to grab a couple things for Mom.”

“Oh. Make sure to grab toilet paper while you’re out. I think we’re almost out of it.”

“Got it.” 

Heywards is only a short drive from your mom’s cafe. It’s the closest convenient store that isn’t crazy pricey. It’s where your mom gets all her supplies whenever she runs out of things before shipment gets there. 

You use to always come here when you were younger with the boys, each of you, even Pope, stealing a small bag of chips or a candy bar here and there. Little did any of you know, Mr. Heyward caught your thieving hands every time but never said anything. 

The bell above the door chimes when you walk into the store. You know this place as well as you know the cafe, finding the toilet paper and coffee filter immediately. 

When Mr. Heyward looks up from the counter, his smile grows. He can pick you out of a crowd anywhere, but he hasn’t seen you in a long time. Last time he saw you, you had braces and overgrown bushy brows. Now you had bushed hair and shaved legs. 

“Hi. Mr. Heyward,” You grin shyly at him. You don’t know how he’s going to react to see you, unsure of what Pope might have told him about you. 

“Little Miss Y/L/N? Is that you?” Heyward smiles widely, pulling your own lips into a wider smile. “I haven’t seen you for a long time.”

“Yeah, I’ve been busy with school and my mom’s cafe...” Both of those things were a lie. You just avoid the Cut to avoid the Pogues. 

“How’s the fam?” 

“They’re good,” You say as Heyward hands you your bags. “Mom says hello by the way. I’m actually taking these to her store now.”

“Well, don’t be a stranger. We miss your smiling face around her. Anette, too.” Heyward says, mentioning his wife. 

“Tell her I said hi.”

“Of course, darling.” 

Heyward and Anette always had a special place in their heart for you and Rory. They’re not one for gossip, but they knew a little bit about what your mom’s been through and have heard plenty of stories about your grandparents. They always thought, despite your mom’s background, that you and your sister were raised impressively. Anette always hoped that one day Pope and Rory would get together. Everyone always wanted their child to be with Rory. 

As your about to leave the store, the bell chimes again with another customer. Only it’s not another customer. It’s Pope and John B. They don’t see you at first, and you wonder if maybe you can sneak out without them seeing you. But something about that felt wrong. Especially because Heyward would more than likely mention to them that you were here. 

Pope sees you first and stops in his tracks. “Y/N?” 

“Hey, guys. Long time no see,” You smile at both of them. You bite down on your lip awkwardly when you meet John B’s stare. You don’t know if you should mention anything about his dad’s disappearance. But what would you say? Sorry? What good would that do?

“How’ve you been?” Pope gives you a small side hug, then John B. 

You shrug. “You know, living the dream.”

“How’s life as a Hybrid?” John B smirks. 

You roll your eyes playfully and groan. “Oh god. Never call me that again.”

You may be considered a Hybrid by everyone else, but you would never put yourself into that category. You grew up a Pogue, the same way everyone else did around you. The only thing tying you to the Kooks are your grandparents. 

“Why?” John B smirks. “I wish I was a Hybrid.”

You smirk back. “Maybe you will be one day. I hear you have a Kook of your own for arm candy.”

You saw a faint hint of blush on John B’s cheek at the mention of his girlfriend but you don’t mention it. “Sarah, yeah. She’s not like the other Kooks.”

“I would hope not. Her brother’s a dick.”

“Yeah,” They laugh. 

“We miss you, you know.” John B says. Pope looks at you, trying to read your expression. John B’s not wrong. They do all miss you, especially Pope. He felt like you were the only one who really understood him. Of course his other friends are great, but you actually took the time to try and understand his passions. Like forensic science. 

“I miss you guys too. It’s been a while.”

“Well, hey. We’re actually all getting together tonight at my place. Nothing big. Just a bonfire and a couple beers. You should stop by,” John B says.

“Yeah,” Pope says, immediately getting hopeful that you’ll show up. 

Your smile falters. The invite makes your heart swell and your lungs contract. It’s an invite you’ve been wanting for three years. And now that you have it, you don’t know what to say. It’d be different if it was just the four of you like old times. But now there’s Kie and Sarah and although you have nothing against them, you’re afraid they won’t accept you. The thought of your boys picking them over you terrifies you. 

“Okay. Yeah, sure. I’ll try to swing by later.” 

Pope smiles wide and looks at his friend to see his reaction. John B grins and nods, almost impressed that you had agreed. But he saw the twitch in your lips when the question was asked. 

“Great. I guess we’ll see you later then.” 

You nod. “Okay. Bye guys.”

You suck in a deep breath when the fresh air outside of Heyward’s store brushes over you. Your heart thumps wildly with both excitement and nerves when you’re finally able to collect your thoughts. You don’t know what you’ll do tonight, but the possibilities can change your entire summer.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

You spent the rest of the day mopping up the cafe’s basement and rearranging the shelves. You smelled of sweat and coffee grounds by the time you were done and dreamt of the shower you would be taking when you got home. 

Rory drove you home after the two of you closed up the cafe for the day. Neither of you said much. Rory was exhausted from running around behind the counter and you were too busy thinking about whether you’d go back to the place you used to call your second home.

You took a longer shower than usual, still pondering what your night would be like. Your head was telling you to stay home but your heart pulled you in the direction of the Cut. You yearned to hear about what the future held for Pope, and listen to John B retell stories of when you were kids, and be able to stare into JJ’s bright blue eyes without him noticing. 

You changed into a pair of jean shorts and a plain red cropped tank. Rory walks into your room as your brushing out your hair and looks at you as if you lost your mind.

“Are you out of your mind? You can’t wear that,” She says.

You brows scrunch together in confusion. “What are you talking about? I wear shit like this all the time.”

“Not to the Country Club, you don’t.” That’s when it hits you. Today’s been so hectic, you forgot what day it was. “It’s Sunday.”

Sunday dinner at the Country Club is now a weekly commitment forced upon you by your grandparents. Each week, your mom, sister, and you are forced to spend one dinner with your grandma and grandpa. This is basically your mom’s payment back for sending you and Rory to Kook Academy. Only they actually pay for the dinner. It’s usually the longest two hours of your entire week. It’s hard to listen to your grandfather rant about Real Estate and your grandma slyly critique your mother in almost every aspect of her life. 

“Shit. I completely forgot,” You say.

“Well, you better change. We’re leaving in about five minutes,” Rory says then plucks a gold necklace from your dresser. “Oh and can I wear this tonight?”

You sigh. “Sure.”

You change into a baby blue wrap around dress and pin your wet hair into a half up half down due. It’s gonna have to work for the limited time you have to get ready. After applying a thin layer of makeup to look the least bit presentable, you meet your mom and sister by the front door.

“Finally,” Your mom says when she sees you. 

“Sorry. I didn’t realize it was Sunday.”

“It’s okay, honey. I just don’t think I can handle another late remark from Mom today.” She looks you up and down and grins. “You look great.”

Despite the many fiery fights you and your mom can have, she is also your best friend. It’s kind of like a love hate relationship. Steve says it’s because you’re exactly like your mom - almost like a sixteen year old version of her. 

You really hope that isn’t true. You’re not ready to have a kid in two years. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

Your grandparents are already sitting at a round table in the corner of the country club by the two tall windows that reach up to the ceiling with a view looking out into the golf course. The best seat in the house for the richest a holes on the island. 

“Lorelai,” Your grandmother grins, but you can instantly tell it’s sarcastic. “Did you have to walk here?”

You speak up before your mom could. “Sorry Grandma. It’s my fault we’re late.”

Your grandparents are hard on your mom but easier on you and Rory, especially Rory.

“Well, you’re here now,” Your grandpa says. He’s usually the mediator between your mom and grandma. Although he’s usually sucks at it. “Sit. Sit.”

Meanwhile, back in the kitchen, JJ shuffles through his many coworkers with his apron in one hand and a piece of fried calamari from Miss Carol’s appetizer in the other. 

“JJ -” She scolds and slaps his hand away from going in for a second piece. 

“Good evening Miss Carol,” JJ smirks and makes his way to the area between the kitchen and dining room where most of the servers and bust boys hang out. Some of the boys slap him on the back or shove him by the shoulder, chuckling to themselves. “What’s going on boys? Busy crowd?”

“What are you doing here? You never work Sundays,” His friend, Mitch, says. 

Luke Maybank was behind on several bills - worse than it’s ever been. They already shut off their electricity and JJ wanted to make sure the water wouldn’t be next. 

But JJ shrugs nonchalantly. “Little extra dough can't hurt.”

“Well, you picked a good day,” Raymond walks up to the blonde, rolling his sleeves. “You got Kook Royalty and their Hybrid offsprings in your section.” 

“What?” JJ looks through the small square Plexiglas on the swinging door. He knows exactly where to look and immediately sees you sitting with King and Queen Kook, looking absolutely miserable, pushing around your food with your fork. 

“Damn, Maybank. Almost broke your neck - you turned so fast.”

“Shut up, Easterling. I was just seeing how crowded we were,” JJ lied. He really just wanted to see if you were here. And now that he sees you are, he’s a little nervous to do his own damn job.

Raymond Easterling chuckles. “Yeah, I know what you were looking at. But don’t get your hopes up. There’s a reason Kooks call that girl the Heart Sucker. Not even the high and powerful JJ Maybank could get a piece of that.”

The guys around JJ and Raymond chuckle and nod in agreement, hearing the stories of how you’d reject every single guy that’s ever asked you out. Sometimes you’d go on a few dates, trying to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but then things would quickly become too much, and you’d get overwhelmed. 

JJ didn’t like the way Raymond talked about you or how the others laughed at your expense. His hands clenched into fists, tempted to throw a punch in Ray’s cocky face.  The guy’s just being a jerk because he’s one of the guys that got rejected by you, he thought. 

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” JJ shakes his head and ties his apron around his waist to distract his hands.

“No?” Raymond challenges him. “You think I’m wrong? You think you could pull the infamous Hybrid over there?”

JJ glances back through the window. You’re looking at your grandma with a clearly forced grin. You’re twirling your hair between your fingers, a habit you picked up when you were little to do when you’re bored. JJ would find you doing that in school all the time. 

You’re gorgeous, he thought. It’s no wonder that almost every guy on this island has tried to make a pass on you, including JJ himself, but his remarks always come off as playful, afraid of actually telling you how he feels about you. His fantasies about you went further than just getting you between the sheets. He could picture getting married, having children, and growing old together. Years ago, the two of you would talk about your future. Neither one of you cared about money or fancy jobs. All you wanted was to be free - of this island, of each other’s families, of responsibilities placed on you from birth. You hold the same values as JJ, and he’s never met another person like you. 

But JJ has a hard exterior. No one other than his best friends know his true heart, and he wasn’t going to let someone like Raymond Easterling find out about his soft spot for you. He would never hear the end of it.

JJ looks at you one last time. You’re talking to Rory, your face in his direction. This time you’re smiling, probably discussing something other than your grandparent’s expectations of you. He’d kill to see that smile every single day.

What’s the worst that could happen? You reject him? Yeah, that might kill JJ inside, but maybe you’d still be his friend, or continue to be acquaintances like you are now. As long as he gets to see you, he’d be okay. There was always the future. But who knows? Maybe you’d say yes? He’ll never know unless he tries. Right?

JJ fakes the same cocky grin that Raymond wears. “I haven’t failed yet.”

The guys around him whistle and shake their heads with smiles. 

“All right, Maybank. Let’s make a bet. I’ll give you one hundred dollars to get Y/N Y/L/N in the sack by the fourth of July.”

JJ scoffs. “You like giving away free money?” He ignored his racing heart at the thought of being that intimate with you.

Raymond nods. “Okay. Let’s put your money where your mouth is. Get her to say ‘I love you’ by the end of the season and I’ll raise you an extra hundred and cover all your dishwasher shifts in September.”

JJ raises his brows with surprise. No one offers to take the dishwashing shift. Sometimes the boys are pulled back there when the kitchen is short staffed and it’s easily one of the worst jobs at the Club.

This bet was almost too good of an opportunity to pass up. “Deal.” JJ says.

The boys shake hands on it and the other guys whisper to each other about how intrigued they are to see this play out.

JJ wipes his sweaty palms against his apron and pushes the door open to approach your table, hoping he can hear you over his thudding heart. 

“Good evening folks. May I take those empty plates out of your way?”

You look up at the voice you know so well and a smile raises on your lips. JJ meets your eyes and he winks at you, splattering your heart in flutters. 

“Please.” Your grandmother pushes her plate away from her, stuffed with filet and red wine.

“JJ,” Your mom grins up at him. Growing up, your mom always had a soft spot for the blonde Pogue. She’s heard the stories about his father, mostly from Steve, who actually grew up with Luke Maybank, his cousin. As a child, he was sent to live with Luke Maybank and his single father. Lets just say, he’s not surprised by the way Luke turned out. “Look at you. You’re all grown up now. Last time I saw you, Y/N was still pushing your head in the sand for stealing her popsicle.”

“Yeah. I quickly learned no one should mess with Y/N and her food,” JJ says.

“Never stopped you though,” You smirk at him.

“Lorelai. Who is this?” Your grandma asks, disregarding the boy himself.

“Mom,” Lorelai gives her mom a warning look. “This is JJ Maybank. He went to school with Y/N and Rory.” Lorelai knew to play it safe with her wording. She didn’t know where you and JJ stood. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him and she knew better than to ask. 

“Nice to meet you,” JJ says politely. “I’d shake your hand but mine are kinda full.” He motions to the plates in his hand.

“That’s quite all right.” Your grandma’s smile is so forced, it makes you uncomfortable. 

“I won’t hold you up. Has your server been around with the dessert menu?” JJ looks at you. “We have chocolate cake tonight.”

Heat rushes up your neck. Not because of the cake itself but because JJ remembered your favorite dessert. Chocolate cake with chocolate frosting and chocolate sprinkles. It was safe to save you were a choco-holic. The boys use to make it for you every year for your birthday. It usually came out burnt, none of them ever remembering how to properly make it. But it was all you needed to feel like a very special girl. 

“Your favorite,” Rory elbows you.

Your grandma cringes. “Sounds like diabetes on a plate.”

“Mom,” Lorelai scolds. 

“What?” She asks, not understanding the concept of a filter.

Now heat rushes to your cheeks for an entire different reason. “He did. We’re not doing dessert tonight. Thank you, though.”

JJ nods but feels disappointed by the way your face flinched at your grandmother’s comment. 

“My pleasure,” He says like he was taught to do and excuses himself to drop the plates off in the back before he can say anything else that would probably get him fired.

Your mom looks at your with raised brows. “He’s cute, honey.”

“Lorelai, please. He’s the busboy,” Your grandma says.

“He’s a good kid, Mom.”

“If you’ll excuse me,” You stand up. “I have to use the restroom.”

Rory gives you a knowing grin as you walk away from the table. When you walk into the hallway between the dining area and the front lobby, you immediately feel like a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Sometimes just the presence of your grandparents and their pompous judgements can be suffocating. You do your best to bite your tongue around them, excusing yourself when you feel yourself getting heated. 

JJ catches a glimpse of your light blue dress out of the corner of his eye when he rounds the corner to collect the plates off a different table. He looks over his shoulder at Raymond, who’s staring at the blonde watching you, and winks.

“Hey, Y/N,” JJ says, walking up to you.

You look up from your phone and immediately smile. “Hey. I was actually hoping I’d catch you out here.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” You nervously tuck a piece of hair behind your ear. “I’m sorry about my grandmother. She can be...”

JJ shakes his head. “Hey. It’s okay. I work for Kooks almost every single day. I’m use to it.”

You sigh. “That doesn’t make me feel any better.”

“Don’t apologize for something you can’t control,” JJ says. “Besides, that’s probably the nicest she’s ever been to me.”

You hide your face in your hands. “Stop. You’re making it worse.”

JJ laughs and takes your wrists in his hands, slowly pulling them away from your face. Your eyes shoot up to his, immediately feeling a tingling feeling run through your skin, straight to your heart. 

“It’s okay. I promise,” He says softly. His voice is so sincere that you have no other option but to believe him. It almost makes your feel guiltier, wondering how much bullshit he’s been through with ungrateful Kooks that it’s so easy for him to forgive and forget.

“Okay,” Your voice is a whisper, taken off guard by how close he is to you and how he still hasn't let go of your hands. 

In that same moment, JJ realizes he’s still holding you and gently removes his hands. He coughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck, where sweat begins to bubble. Why is he so nervous?

“So um...” You say, suddenly feeling nervous too. “You going to John B’s tonight?”

JJ’s eyes shoot up in surprise. How did you know that? “Yeah. I’m heading over there after work.”

“I saw him and Pope at Heywards earlier today and they invited me over. I wasn’t sure if I should come or not.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Because it’s different now, you wanted to say. But you didn’t because you feel like the elephant in the room would only grow. And you didn’t want to admit you were nervous to meet Kie and Sarah outside of school. 

You shrug. “I don’t know.”

“You should definitely come. The boys miss you.”

You pretend like a little piece of your heart didn’t just break when JJ didn’t say ‘we.’ 

“What time do you get off of work?”

“Around 9ish.”

You nod. “I can pick you up if you’d like and we could go together?”

Your heart races after you suggest it. What if he says no? Why were you feeling this way? This is the same kid you use to make fun of for pouring milk into his bowl before his cereal. 

“Yeah. That’d be perfect.”

“Great!” Your phone pings with a text from Rory, telling you that your grandparents are wondering where you are. “Shit. I have to get back. I’ll see you at nine?”

“See you then,” JJ nods and turns back to the kitchen. When his eyes meet Raymond’s, he’s reminded of what he agreed to. Almost surprised how quickly he forgot about it. You were able to take his mind off of anything without even trying. He clears his throat to get rid of the giddy grin he was wearing after talking to you, wanting to look tough and casual in front of his coworker. “Easy.” He says to him. But that felt anything but easy. He could vomit with nerves.

“There’s still plenty of time for you to screw up, Maybank.”

JJ huffs. He’s not wrong. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

You drive up to the front of the country club and park in front of the main entrance. It’s 8:57. You’re early and will look eager. So you wait until 9:06 to text him that you’re here.

You changed into a pair of dark washed denim shorts, a yellow cropped tube top, a grey flannel, and navy converse. You changed your outfit about four times before deciding on your first one, not wanting to look too casual or too dressed up. 

For the last three years, you wondered when the four of you would get back together as a group. You wondered if it would ever happen. And now that two Kooks are involved, you feel more nervous than excited.

You jump when the passenger seat door opens, lost in the depth of your own head. JJ smiles, not seeing your reaction.”Cool ride,” he says and looks around the interior. 

“Thanks,” you say, pulling out into the road.

“I got you something,” JJ says.

You glance at him with furrowed brows. What could he have possibly gotten you since you saw him last? A book mark from the Country Club’s gift shop?

JJ reaches into his backpack and pulls out a plate with clear wrap around it. Your mouth drops when you see the chocolate cake on a plate in his hands, the smell immediately hitting your nose with pure delight.

“You saved me a piece?” You jump in your seat excitedly.

“Had to hide it good too or else Miss Carol would have had my ass handed to me,” JJ jokes and even pulls out two forks. He undoes the wrapping and cuts off a piece. He waits until you hit a stop sign and says, “Open up.”

You look at him and immediately open your mouth. He gently places the fork between your lips and you take the piece of cake off with your teeth. Like a baby.

Your eyes close with pure pleasure. “Oh my god. That’s amazing.”

“Miss Carol does know how to bake a mean cake,” JJ says and takes a bite of his own.

“Another one,” You say, glancing at the cake again. Like you said, choco-holic. “Please.” You say when JJ teases you by holding the fork away from you.

JJ laughs. “I like hearing you beg.”

You slap him in the arm with the back of your hand. “In your dreams, Maybank.”

“You got that right, Y/L/N.”

The two of you finish the cake with only a few bites each. Small but rich in chocolate that leaves you craving more. You were gonna have to meet this Miss Carol woman. 

After he puts the plate back in his bag, JJ reaches for the aux cord, but you quickly slap his hand away. “Hey. What do you think you’re doing?”

“You’re seriously gonna make me listen to this the entire way to John B’s?”

You scoff. “I’ll have you know Blink-182 is one of my favorite bands.”

“It’s also soccer moms’ favorite band,” JJ laughs at you.

You turn up the volume, blasting ‘All the Small Things’ and point to your ear. “Sorry. Can’t hear you!”

JJ rolls his eyes but laughs along with you, even bopping his head to the beat. You drive with the windows down, dancing and singing along to a bunch of throwback songs with JJ as if the two of you have been doing this forever. 

You pull up to John B’s and park behind his dad’s old van, better known as The Twinkie. When you turn down the music, JJ looks at you with a shake in his head. “Next time, I’m driving.”

“What was wrong with my driving?”

“We’re in the Outer Banks, Sparky, not NASCAR.”

You scoff and follow behind JJ who’s leading the way up John B’s driveway. As you get closer, you smell the smoky scent of a bonfire nearby and eventually hear John B’s laugh mixed in with a female’s. Your smile falters as nerves gather in the pit of your stomach. 

“What’s wrong?” JJ asks.

“Nothing,” You say, but JJ easily catches your lie and gives you a knowing look. “What if they don’t like me?”

“Who? Pope and John B? I’m pretty sure they like you more than me even after three years -”

“Not them, you idiot,” You shove him playfully by the shoulder as you two let yourselves inside. “Sarah and Kie.”

“Don’t you go to school with them?”

“Yeah, but we don’t talk,” You say quietly, not wanting them to hear you.

“Hm.”

“What?” JJ shrugs. “Nothing. I just didn’t think you cared about what other people thought.”

“I don’t,” You say quickly. “But they're your best friends. It’s different.”

“You don’t need their approval. You technically were here first.”

“Yeah, but I’ve been replaced,” You try to say it as a joke and even throw a smirk in there. 

But JJ stops in his track and looks at you seriously. “No one can replace you. Not even if they tried.”

You open your mouth to respond, but you’re at a loss for words. It’s not a common occurrence that JJ gets all serious on you. Warmth covers you like a blanket and the longer he holds your stare, the weaker your knees become. 

“JJ! Is that you?” John B calls out from the backyard.

“Yeah,” JJ yells back. He opens the fridge in John B’s kitchen. “Want a beer?” He offers to you.

You shake your head. “No thanks.”

For the first time, you take in John B’s home. It looks the same as it did three years ago, only a lot messier. The pull out couch looks like its been used recently with blankets and sheets tossed about on it. Empty beer cans and cigarette butts are thrown messily on the coffee tables and the air smells faintly of old marijuana. 

JJ leads you out to the back where four people are gathered around a fire. Three out of the four immediately smile when the two of you approach them, but Kie’s eyes narrow and her head tilts with confusion.

Shit, you think. 

“You came!” Pope laughs and hops up from his beach chair and embraces you in a hug.

You laugh, not expecting the embrace, but welcoming it all the same. John B’s next, giving you a quick hug and shaking his head.

“I gotta say, I didn’t think you were going to come,” John B says.

“You can thank me for that later,” JJ says jokingly.

“Actually when I heard JJ was coming, I almost changed my mind and stayed home,” You joke and smirk JJ’s way.

“Just like old times,” Pope says, looking between you and the blonde. The banter felt like the yall never separated in the first place. 

“Hey, you know Sarah and Kie, right?” John B points to the girls. Sarah stands up to say hi, and eventually Kie follows her, not wanting to look rude, but stays off to the side, keeping her distance.

“Yeah,” You wave awkwardly. 

“Hey!” Sarah says sweetly. “I didn’t realize you guys use to all hang out.”

“Y/N grew up down the street,” JJ explains and sips at his beer. 

“You want a drink or something?” Pope asks you, not knowing JJ already did.

“No thank you,” You say again.

“You don’t drink?” Kie asks. It was the first thing she’s said to you.

“Not usually,” You say and hold her stare. You try to get a read on her, but she’s had to get a tell on. You can’t tell if she just doesn’t like you or just doesn’t know you. Either way, it makes you uneasy. 

“Here, I’ll go grab you a chair,” Pope says and walks to the side of the house to grab another beat up beach chair. 

As the night goes on, you feel the tension in your shoulders loosen and your body feel lighter. Most of the night was spent retelling childhood stories the four of you shared. Sarah would laugh at most of them, occasionally rolling her eyes at her boyfriend from the stupid shit he would do, although it sounds like he’s no different to you now. 

You talked about the time you and JJ stole a golf cart for a joy ride on Figure Eight, or when you and John B pranked Pope by putting a dead fish in his locker, or how you and John B learned how to play guitar from youtube tutorials. 

Midnight came around quickly and exhaustion was slowly taking over your body. It’s been a long day between the cafe flooding, dinner with your grandparents, and now this. 

JJ was the first to notice you slowly fading. 

“You okay?” He asks you quietly as everyone else is caught up in conversation. 

“Yeah,” You say, lazily grinning at him. 

“We can leave if you want,” He says.

“You’re not staying?” You ask. It sounded like everyone was planning to spend the night here. And as much as you wanted to, you just didn’t feel comfortable enough yet. 

JJ shrugs. “My dad’s out of town tonight. It’ll be nice to have the house to myself.” Before you can say anything, he stands and brushes his hands against his pants. “All right, losers. We’re out of here.”

“Aw, you’re leaving?” Sarah pouts.

“Yeah, I’m beat and Y/N’s my ride home,” JJ says.

You were glad he didn’t call you out for being tired. You didn’t want to look lame in front of everybody, especially Kie.

“Thanks for having me,” You say to everyone. It might have been John B’s house, but it was everyone’s night you intruded on.

John B stands up to hug you. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”

You nod. “I won’t. I promise.”

Pope hugs you next. “Text me when you get back safe.”

“I will.”

“Bye!” Sarah waves and Kie exhales a ring of smoke from her blunt.

You wave at them before following JJ back to your car. 

“Nuh-uh-uh,” JJ says. You didn’t realize you both walked to the driver’s side.

“What? No.”

JJ nods and holds his hands out for your keys. “I’m not dying tonight.” 

“You’ve been drinking and smoking all night,” You say. You didn’t think JJ was drunk or even that high, but you were not going to let a teenager with an ounce of alcohol in his system get behind the wheel. “Next time. For now, hold on to the cupholder.”

JJ sighs dramatically and goes to the other side of the car and hops in the passenger seat. 

This time you keep the music quiet, listening to the hum of the radio instead of your phone. 

“Take a left,” JJ says.

“JJ, I know where you live. And it’s not left.”

“Don’t you trust me?” 

You snicker. “Not in the slightest.”

JJ rolls his eyes. “Just take the left.”

You hold your hands up in surrender and take the left turn. He directs you for a couple more miles until he has you park in front of a 24 hour diner. 

“What are we doing here?” You ask.

“I’m in the mood for a milkshake.”

“We just had cake!” You say.

“Come on, Sparky. Show me what that mouth can do,” JJ smirks. 

You go to hit him again but he takes off running to the front entrance and pulls the door open. You chase after him, almost running into his back at the front host stand where JJ safely smirks at you in triumph.

“Two please,” He says to the hostess. 

The old cranky woman leads you to a booth off to the side next to a window without a word. 

A couple minutes later, a waitress walks by and asks if you’re ready to order. 

“Yes. One chocolate milkshake and one black and white milkshake,” JJ orders for both of you, already knowing what flavor you’d want.

“And fries, please.” You say. The waitress nods, takes your menus, and walks off. JJ raises his brow at the extra order. “What?” You shrug. “Just showing you what my mouth can do.”

JJ scoffs. “What a tease.” 

You playfully kick his shin under the table.

“Did you have fun tonight?” JJ asks.

“Yeah,” You answer. “Felt like old times. The girls are nice too.”

You were about to only mention Sarah, but you didn’t want to cause any issues with Kie. Not yet at least. Maybe she just needed time to warm up to you.

“See? I told you they wouldn’t bite.”

A couple minutes later, the waitress comes back with your milkshakes and fries. 

“How’s John B doing? You know, with the whole Big John thing?” You ask delicately, unsure of how JJ would react to you pestering about John B’s business. “I didn’t want to ask and bring the mood down,” You explain yourself although you don’t need to.

JJ shrugs. “He’s in denial I think. Won’t sign a death certificate until he sees a body. He could be worse, though.”

“Yeah,” You say softly. You don’t know what you would do if you were in that situation. In a way you felt lucky that you never knew your dad at all. It would be harder to lose him, knowing who he was.

You take a fry and dip it into your milkshake before taking a bite. This makes JJ freeze and look at you like you have two heads. 

“What?” You say with your mouth full.

“I can’t believe you just did that.”

“Don’t knock it till you try it,” You say and give him a look to do it.

JJ reluctantly picks up the fry and dunks it into his milkshake. He looks at the fry questioningly before popping it into his mouth. Somehow the sweetness of the milkshake and the saltiness of the french fry complement each other beautifully and his widen in pleasant surprise. 

“Oh wow,” JJ says.

“Told you,” You smirk.

You spend the next hour catching up, trying to fit the last three years into an hour. JJ does most of the talking because you want to know more about what John B, Pope, and JJ have been up to. Your life was so boring and depressing, you didn’t want to bore JJ with the details.

You drive JJ home and talk for a few minutes more when you park. He seems to be procrastinating getting out of the car, but you don’t mind. You could talk to him all night, suddenly not feeling tired anymore.

“All right. I’ll let you get home before the sun rises,” He says and opens the door. He pauses when his feet hit the ground and he looks back at you. “What are you doing tomorrow?”

“I have to work at the shop, why?”

“Well, there’s a storm coming in. John B and I might go out to surf the surge before it hits. You still surf?”

You scoff. “Do I still surf?”

JJ holds his hands up in surrender. “Just checking. You think you can handle the surge?”

“Let’s not forget who the better surfer is, JJ.”

“I didn’t. It’s still me.”

“You wish.”

“So I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Now you have a point to prove. You have to show JJ that you’re still the better surfer. 

“I'll see you tomorrow,” You agree. 

“Great, it’s a date.” He winks and shuts the door before you can tell him otherwise. 

You giggle to yourself as JJ walks up the front yard and stay there until he you see he gets in safely. 

You pull out of the driveway, wishing he had asked you out on a real date. One that didn’t involve John B.

Tag list: @super-funky-bisexual​ @sunsetswithjj​ @moniamaybank​ @throwawayfish​ @poguestyle17​ @5am-cigarette​ @jjpouggues​ @fly-away-from-here​ @buckys2thicc​

[lo-frequency]

Bakusquad + Todoroki Pet Headcanons!

Just some hc’s of what pets I think the boys would have and how they’d treat them. This is definitely a crack post 💀

Bakugou

-A bulldog, named Killer. Killer the Great Explosion Murder Dog to be exact.

-He’s an all white bulldog with a little spike collar around his neck. The alternative is a collar with a fake grenade attached, usually used when Bakugou takes him out in public.

-Killer also has a harness with the little flare attachments on each side like on Bakugou’s mask.

-Despite his name (and what Bakugou wants you to believe), Killer is as sweet as they come. “C’mere, Killer!” Bakugou calls him, smacking his leg and you’re expecting this absolute menace to come charging down the hall. Instead, Killer’s stocky self comes trotting out of Bakugou’s room with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and his lil’ tail nub wagging.

-Bakugou’s like “I’ve been training him to be an attack dog” and Killer only runs like a few feet from the house before stopping, opting to lay down and roll over for a belly rub.

-Don’t be fooled by all his tough talk, Bakugou most certainly spoils Killer, that’s exactly why he’s so lazy. His days consist of begging for treats and pretending not to understand Bakugou’s instructions. Not to mention that he has a big, memory foam dog bed, gets fed real food, and Katsuki takes him for 2 walks a day, everyday.

-Pats him roughly, but Killer is one of those dogs who likes slaps on the butt so he doesn’t mind lol. They play rough too, and at any given time Bakugou can be found rolling around the floor, play wrestling with Killer.

-Imagine if he posted tiktoks of Killer and people started trolling him like “Killer is slow, my dog can run faster than him” “Killer is overweight” “He can’t even run down the street”

-Bakugou truly believes Killer can do everything he says about him, and gets offended if you even insinuate otherwise. He would get mad at all the haters in the comments, clapping back at them like “I know you’re not talking with that lil’ rat dog in your profile pic” and he’d challenge them to races in the local dog parks so he can defend Killer’s reputation 💀. Well, one person actually accepted so now Bakugou has to train Killer for his first race.

-And then when he posts videos of him and Killer exercising, people are like “You’re pushing him too hard” “Poor Killer” “Stop forcing him to exercise” He just can’t win 🤷🏾‍♀️.

-Denki comes over and exposes him like “Killer’s been training alright, training his jaws” while filming Bakugou passing Killer food under the table.

-“Where’s Killer?” “He’s training in the pool right now.” “In the pool? Dude, you know bulldogs can’t swim, right?” “Well my Killer swims all the time!” And his friends rush to his backyard to see Killer lazily paddling around Bakugou’s pool with a floaty fitted on his little body lol.

-Killer loves him some Katsuki. He would be so clingy with him, following him everywhere he goes in the house, to the point where Bakugou has almost tripped over Killer several times. He has to close the door or put a baby gate up so he won’t interrupt him and all you hear in the background is Killer howling at the door.

-Killer fan cams, lmaoo

-Katsuki goes live and all people are asking about is Killer, and all the donations are “Killer’s Treat Fund” “Feed Killer on Camera” “Give him a belly rub”

-Bakugou never should’ve showed Killer on social media, it’s his account now 💀

Todoroki

-I can see Shoto with beta fish, but he wouldn’t know that you can’t put two males in the same tank.

-So one day, he comes home from work and sees that one of his fish is,,,not alive.

-Shoto quickly puts two and two together after seeing that the other beta fish is a little injured too, and he is absolutely horrified.

-After he cleans up the mess, he just looks at the survivor fish. Shoto can’t help but feel contempt toward him. He’s a murderer, he killed his other fish.

-From then on, Shoto does not like the survivor fish. He still takes care of him, but out of duty as his owner, only 😒.

-People on social media ask him what his fish’s name is. “He doesn’t have a name.”

-And then he makes a post like “Some of you have asked me why my fish doesn’t have a name. It’s because I don’t like him. He’s a murderer.” (Y’all, please 💀)

-People start calling him Killer Fish and Bakugou comments that there can only be one Killer, and that’s his dog.

Kirishima

-A turtle. He’d have one of those turtles with the raised horns/spikes on its shell and his name would be Tank.

-So Kiri thinks Tank the Turtle is the toughest little dude around, and often posts videos of him swimming or walking around outside.

-He’s like “You know, I think he’s faster than most turtles.” “How do you know that?” He shrugs, watching Tank with a grin “I can just tell, I mean look at him, he’s going!” And Tank is chugging along the ground at a good .002 mph.

-He’d have Tank on his back as he does push ups or on his chest as he lifts weights. “What number are we on Tank? 100? Alright, 100 more to go!”

-Kiri would make videos of Tank doing tricks, like knocking down a wall of tiny styrofoam bricks or climbing over a little ramp he made. He’s cheering for him the whole time, and he gets a treat after. “That was so manly, Tank!! Good boy!”

-Yes, a turtle can be manly too.

Denki

-A guinea pig, mostly blonde except a little black mark on her head, just like Denki. And you guessed it…he named her Pikachu.

-Denki is enamored with her for the first couple days, carrying her everywhere with him and constantly posting her on his social media. He couldn’t wait to get home from work so he could play with her and feed her little bits of lettuce.

-She seems to adore him too, hardly moving when he pets her so she can maximize his attention as much as possible, and jumping on his lap whenever he takes her out of the cage.

-He holds her up to the camera like “What can I say? The ladies love me. Isn’t that right, Pikachu?”

-She’s so cute that he doesn’t question how her cage seems to pop open by itself sometimes, or how she sometimes nios at his fingers if he holds her for too long.

-The unfortunate truth is that Pikachu cannot stand Denki 💀. Idk what he did, maybe it’s the way he smells, maybe it’s his voice, idk, but she is trying her best to stay away from him.

-The cage doesn’t pop open by itself, Pikachu has figured out how to escape, so now Denki regularly comes home to an empty cage and he has to track her down to put her back.

-“Day 3 of missing Pikachu. This is what come home to everyday, guys” and he flips the camera to show bits of food and guinea pig droppings scattered all over the place. Her little squeaks haunt him at night, but he knows he won’t be able to find her.

-He has such a hard time finding her, and he swears she teases him by squeaking nearby, then running somewhere he can’t get her.

-He’s on live and people try to give him advice but none of it works. Pikachu rushes past the screen behind him and they tell him to look. Denki abandons his live to chase after Pikachu and you just hear crashing and yelling in the background.

-When he comes back, he’s in his ‘fried’ mode and people are like wtf happened 💀

-He managed to put her back in the cage, but he had to end the live early.

(Can y’all imagine being jealous of a guinea pig? 😔) Thanks for tuning in! :)