#i like being autistic! but if something changes. it's the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. until the NEXT worse thing happens

[fanvoidkeith]

what is it about autism that makes me go through the five stages of grief every time something screws up one of my daily routines

[7ndipity]

Their S/o Has A Meltdown

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: How the members would react to their Autistic/Neurodivergent S/o having a meltdown

Warnings: Mentions and depictions of meltdowns/panic attacks and being overstimulated,

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! As usual I want to put my disclaimer that these are based off my own knowledge and experience, so these might not work for everyone, but I hope they still bring you some level of comfort, whether you're ND or not!💜

Masterlist

°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•°•

Jin: As I said before, I think he’d be really good at reading your cues and knowing when you’re getting overwhelmed and helping de-escalate things before you reach full meltdown, but he knows they’re unavoidable sometimes. He’d definitely want to hold you if you’re okay with being touched, reminding you that you’re okay and that he's got you. Starts telling funny stories about him and the members to distract you, increasing the absurdity of the details til something makes you laugh. Makes sure you hydrate and rest afterwards, cuddling till you fall asleep.

Yoongi: He would be quiet but so reassuring, sitting with you and helping try to guide your breathing till you’re calmed enough to talk with him. He would have your favorite calming playlist saved so he could play it whenever you need. He’s glued to your side for a while after, he takes looking after you very seriously at times like this, because he knows you’re usually exhausted both mentally and physically. He’d help you change into some comfy clothes and tuck you in bed or on the couch with your favorite show/movie to help you relax.

Hobi: As soon as he sees you getting panicked, he’s making sure the space around you is as quiet and comforting as possible, closing the curtains, bringing you any comfort items you might have, etc. Hugs you and rubs your back if you’re okay with being touched. Tries to keep his voice light as he talks you through it, cracking little jokes here and there to try and make you smile or laugh. Super gentle and sweet with you once you come back down, giving you lots of reassurance and praise as he settles you in the bed to recover.

Namjoon: The biggest protective teddy bear during meltdowns, keeping his voice low and soft as he comforts you, holding your hands so you don’t hurt yourself. Another member who would have a special playlist of songs that he knows help calm you. Starts talking about one of your special interests to help distract you and give you something positive to focus on. Stays close to you for a long while afterwards, talking through what triggered you if you’re comfortable sharing, and making sure you’re resting comfortably.

Jimin: He does his best to watch out for your signals so he can de-escalate meltdowns where he can. If you’re alright with being touched, he’ll bundle you up in his arms and hold you for as long as you need, rocking you both back and forth gently. If music helps calm you, he would hum and sing till his voice gave out if it meant you felt better. If it’s a really bad one, he lets you cry while he rubs your back and shoulders. Once the worst of it passes, he moves you to the bed or couch and tucks you under a weighted blanket to make you feel extra secure.

Taehyung: Would pull you close and rock or sway with you, if you’re comfortable with being touched. If not, he’ll sit with you and help talk you through it, speaking gently and reminding you that you’re safe, that you’re not alone, and that he’s there for you. He’s super sweet and reassuring, praising you for steadying your breathing and calming down. He won’t pressure you to talk if you’re uncomfortable, but he would want to know what triggered you so he can help better next time. Cradles you to his chest and hums to you while you recoup or fall asleep.

Jungkook: He would definitely want to hold you, but he knows that’s not always an option at times like this, so he’ll just sit with you, talking softly and helping you balance your breathing out. Holds onto your hands both to help ground you and to keep you from hurting yourself. If you like deep pressure tho or weighted blankets, he’s all over it, holding and hugging you as tightly as possible. Makes sure to tell you how well you did and how proud he is of you, sticking close the rest of the day and making sure that you rest and recover properly.

Taglist: @sopebubbles-replies @btsw1fe @this-must-be-my-tardis @whitefoxgirl @bethanysnow @coffeedepressionsoup @main-bangtansmauyeondan @feminympho @a-gayish-unicorn @dfqcsqueen @mother2monsters @captainorangegoose @k4ngelz

[autistpride]

What is time blindness?

Time blindness is actually a term more frequently used in the ADHD community.

Due to the fact that ADHD is a comorbid conditions with autism and time blindness is an executive functioning struggle many autistic individuals also struggle with time blindness as well.

Time-blindness is a phenomenon where a person does not recognize that time is passing, or how quickly it’s passing, or how soon an event or deadline is approaching.

We simply do not sense time passing the way most people do.

A person struggling with time blindness could be working on a task look up and the clock says 3. They look up what feels like much later and the clock says 3:05. They They look up what feels like very little time later and the clock now says 8. How?! Time felt so quick that second time but it wasn't and they forgeot to use the toilet, eat a meal, and do the other tasks for the day they needed to.

Some other effects of time blindness are:

-tasks not today or tomorrow seem ages away

-delayed sending a text, email, or returning a call and not realizing it has been two weeks

-being late or overly early every time

-gone out expecting to just a few minutes and come back hours later

-burning a meal that's cooking because you stepped away for what you thought was a minute

-starting every story with "the other day" because anything in the past is lumped together

-painful memories stay fresh longer because it just stays in the brain as if it just happened instead of processing

However there are some positives to time blindness!

Like being able to sink into a good book and forget the world, getting swept away by a project, or enjoying outings or people in the moment without time constraints

Hyperfocus is also a time blindness related thing. When hyperfocused individuals often lose all track of time while neglecting body needs such as food, water, sleep, or the toilet.

Here are some possible tips to help. I personally use 8/10 of these.

1. So many clocks. All the clocks everywhere. And reminders.

2. Visual timers!

3. Write down all the things you do during a day so you can reflect and see that you accomplished more then you realize. This will also allow you to look back on past days and know more precisely when something occured.

4. Track how long a task takes so you know for future that you need to account for that amount of time to accomplish that task.

5. Make long term deadlines into smaller ones. If an assignment is due in a week, split it into fourths and set dates throughout the week by which each part needs to be finished by.

6. Alway keep a schedule in front of you. Make your calendar your phone wallpaper or add tasks with alarms to your phone or watch.

7. Take notes with sticky notes or digitally and keep them in an easy to access location.

8. Stop hyperfocus before it starts when you can and if you can't have alarms set to try to help change your focus.

9. When estimating time for things, estimate off the worst case scenario and possibly also add an additional twenty minutes to that that for unexpected things like needing to get gas.

10. Do the same task at the same time each day. It becomes easier to mark the passage of time when you have performed that task time after time and doing it at the same time each day helps set you into a routine.

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I wish that autism wasn't so heavily looked down upon/ignored/disrespected when I was growing up.

I was a "devil child", "handful", "problem".

When in reality if even minute changes were made in my environment and how my own family interacted with me, I would have flourished so much more.

I heavily stimmed using music. The repetitive beats and heavy bass was my thing. So when my mom wanted to punish me for something, one of the first things she'd do was take away my ipod/mp3 whatever I had. WORST thing was when she ONLY took my (very specific) headphones.

To her, it was taking away something fun. A luxury item. A toy basically.

But to me, it was taking away a very heavily ingrained stim that I NEEDED to do, and could not do without very specific criteria (specific headphones and a specific playlist/style of music)

So of course I would become horribly disregulated. Which I'd then have to attempt to mask/or recluse to avoid her so she wouldn't see how bad it unraveled me.

Because to her, being disregulated/unraveled was "acting up", "catching an attitude", "being disrespectful/rude".

Gods. Looking back I truly hate how she did me wrong in that way. Not just my stim but EVERYTHING. All my needs were either dismissed or half-met.

She is one of those people who thinks sure adhd/autism exists but not in HER family. Not in HER children. She even tried to blame it on the father of her children and it couldn't possibly have had anything to do with her.

..... we not only ALL have different fathers, but after observing both memories of her and her now, she is ALSO autistic and in total denial.

I definitely still harbor resentment because of that. She had me "evaluated". Once. At a time where they still heavily leaned on the male criteria for adhd, and autism wasnt really addressed/acknowledged unless it was severely debilitating. But also, by the time she had me evaluated, I'd already spent a few years (unknowingly) masking due to peers and family creating that need. So the conclusion was "there MIGHT be something divergent about her but we couldnt say for sure at this time" and she took that as "nope she's good, just a problem child. Carryon." Never again to be addressed.

She barely acknowledged that one of my brothers (previously a sister) was diagnosed adhd.

She only acknowledged another brother's adhd&autism diagnosis because the school he went to was very accommodating and insisted that he be evaluated and guess what.

Once he was diagnosed, and they rearranged his class schedules to fit his needs, he did a 180 and graduated top of his class. THRIVED. I both LOVE that he got that and HATE that I never did. I barely got through school.

It wasn't for lack of love of learning. I just, learned different, but was ALSO heavily overloaded with how crammed my courses were. I always wonder if I'd gotten the same accommodations, would I have thrived? Would school have been a drastically different/positive experience/memory for me? I'll never know. Because my mother was so against the idea that anything was divergent about me and absolutely mentally stuffed me into her little idea of an ideal neurotypical child that I never had a chance...

Now that I know I'm also AuDHD, like most of my siblings and even an aunt, I feel validated. I had seen vlogs and blogs about people more and more coming out about how they handle life and their coping skills and hacks theyve learned and after starting to apply those to myself... gods I've improved so much.

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. But now knowing what issues are and how to cope and get around things, I'm a lot better off.

This is only ONE reason of several why my relationship with my mother has gone sour. What's sad is she doesn't really realize it yet? I havent been able to compose myself enough to have THE CHAT.

About how she hurt me a lot. Intentional or not. (Like not knowing taking away my music was taking away a stim) I don't know how to have this chat. Tbh I thought about writing a longass letter. Because in the past whenever she's been confronted about anything she's done wrong, she spirals into defense mode and wont even entertain the conversation beyond that point and you get... nowhere.

So maybe in person the bulk of the talk wont happen. I feel like. I need to hand her a letter. Have her read it. And maybe have a succinct chat before parting ways.

Because I wanted to be close to her for so long, that I either didn't realize or knowingly ignored her problem behaviors and looking back... she just... gods that's a whole other post for the future....

If you've read this far thank you. If you've had similar familial experiences, lmk (if you're comfy)

I just....... *sigh*.... yep.

[gnome-minion]

Thinking about how much disability is a core theme of Insignia. The four most plot important characters (Tom, Wyatt, Blackburn, and Vengerov) are all disabled, or are implied to be.

Blackburn's pretty obvious. He's a paranoid schizophrenic. And though that's mostly under control, the experience and the trauma of that sticks with him. And the entire series he views himself as an irredeemable monster. He's caught in what he did when he had that psychotic break.

(Also as a segue, it impacts the way he treats other mentally ill/neurodivergent characters, he even warns Wyatt before she receives her processor that it would change the way she thinks.)

Wyatt's is also pretty obvious. Although not directly stated, Wyatt is obviously autistic. She's canonically neurodivergent, as confirmed in Allies. For the most part, her arc is growing confident in herself, and comfortable with who she is. And also learning more social skills, while never becoming something different. Wyatt's autism is probably my favorite portrayal of autism I've ever seen.

Tom's disability is more subtle. The obvious thing about him having no fingers is explored. How it can aid him (like how the cybernetic fingers can move even if he's in the process of dying), and how they hinder him (they can be taken away, they lack sensitivity, and they're not his actual finger

But also Tom is clearly mentally ill. Even before Catalyst confirmed he was- he shows symptoms of a trauma disorder as early as Insignia. And in Vortex and Catalyst it's pretty blatant.

Catalyst is where all of his erratic behavior gets more explanations. His brain had the same problems that led to his mom developing psychosis and delusions. And while he had a neural graft to enlarge his frontal lobe, I don't think that would be a cure to whatever he's got, like most psychiatric treatments, it just helps with the symptoms .

Also regarding the fact that he wouldn't pass a military psych eval, he generally lacks empathy, and has been generally implied to be a "psychopath", i think it's probable that he's cluster B as well.

Thats not even mentioning him having OSDD or DID considering he has an alter. I'm not throwing out the possibility of him having DID just cause no other alters besides Vanya are shown, cause there is some evidence he could have it in previous books.

And of course- Vengerov.

Major catalyst spoilers up ahead. But Vengerov as a child is heavily implied to be developmentally disabled in some way. After the processor was given to him around the age of 7-8ish he changed completely. Being able to recognize the pain being pushed upon him, and his own ambitions. I'll be honest I can't wrap my head around why this is, outside of a mashup of what happens when you give a young young child a processor, and the computer filling in for Vengerov where his brain wasn't developing as much.

This could easily be used to villainize Vengerov, to show he is an unfeeling, uncaring monster. But Neil's theory at the end of Catalyst changes that. Cause he points out that Vengerov was trying to basically take over the world, yes, but because he lived in a world full of awful evil people in power - he became the worst of them. If he lived in a world run by pacifists? He would be a saint. He would change the world for the better. It's not his, or anyone's nature to be evil. It's their nurture.

It's a really poignant moment. Not only for the political messaging but I think for the explicit sympathy it gives to Vengerov. It never diminishes or undercut how awful what he does is. But also acknowledges how the creation of such an evil person is a product of the system and the world around them, rather than the person's inherent "evilness"

It so wonderfully shows how much of a feedback loop this oligarchical system is. And how the world shapes people into monsters. Only getting worse and worse as time goes on.

Insignia is great, you guys.

[mcrmadness]

I noticed that I have started to avoid talking about my personality traits that could make others go "just say autism!!!" to me. I often feel that even in Tumblr tags I need to explain myself. Sometimes I describe something I do or think, and then feel like I need to explain that it's e.g. due to my introvertism/ambivertism, and then I start to feel like I need to leave both parts out completely before someone comes to me to tell me that I should just call myself autistic instead.

Like, I'm so tired of everything being symptoms of something I don't have. I'm so tired of not being "allowed" to be who I am without people constantly trying to diagnose me with autism. I know I am neurodivergent, but there is more to that than just autism, and I don't relate to autism things. I relate to ADHD things and many other overlapping ND things, but that's it.

I used to talk call myself "highly sensitive person" before, but I no longer can do that either because so many people started saying that's just autism. And it annoys me, because I still relate to many HSP things, but none of the things I relate to are actual autism traits.

I've also been asked if me being ND affects my aroaceness. I know even psychiatrists think I'm autistic only because I have never been into dating. I don't understand why do they have to ask about that in general? A while back I decided that if I'm ever asked about dating again by a psychiatrist, I will say "It's none of your business." because it is not, and it's aphobic to diagnose aroace person as an autistic just because they don't date other people, and it's really damn rude towards autistics too (I forgot the other word...) to assume that they wouldn't be capable of normal relationships and dating.

Anyhow, I've really come to that point where I feel like I need to stop talking about myself cos I am constantly afraid of random people coming at me because what I describe sounds like their autism to them. It's like 2013 all over again. Back then I drew a small comic about my thoughts when a doctor started to suggest autism again, and I vented into that comic and it ends in a speech bubble that says "why does everything have to be a symptom of something? Just let me be who I am!" because I was really feeling like that just because I don't fit the mold of neurotypical, the doctors were trying so hard to find stuff that would made me fit the autistic mold, but I was not and still am not "autistic enough" to fit that. And it made me feel like I was an object or something. Not enough of this but also not enough of that, and people trying so hard to make me fit into either, when all I wanted was to be left alone since I seemed to be the only person who was not bothered by me floating somewhere in the grey area. The worst really was the feeling of people also trying to kinda change me so that I would finally fit either end, and of course the doctors always wish that they could make NDs "normal" again which, of course, is not even possible.

But yeah. I've probably just been spending too much time online again but I still don't like it how everything has become symptoms of _something instead of some of them being just regular personality traits...

[vvatchword]

Gaijin

my friend in japan was like, "Go work in Okinawa!!" She's always trying to get me to work in Japan. I'd love to be near her, she's as good as a sister to me... it's just that I'm not sure how good that is long-term. Being a gaijin ex-pat in Japan is a young person's game. There's not a future there for someone like me, not really.

I'm riiiight on the border of being able to use Japanese conversationally, but on the whole, I need to put in a lot of work. Plus, I don't think I can stand being on the outside anymore. Imagine having to emergency-learn a language and deal with culture shock while needing to find human connection in a whole new country. I love Japan, I want to go back, I think their society has many wonderful qualities, and I might find a place there, but I'd still always be on the outside looking in. When the chips are down, I'd always be a gaijin.

Not to mention there's a certain quality to Japanese culture that's a little maddening--that is, there are certain social expectations, and everyone tries to adhere to that as well as possible. Everything tends to be done en masse or for the benefit of the group. If you fuck up, you are corrected passive-aggressively (read: very, very vaguely). Obviously, allowances are made for gaijin, but you do better if you can try and flow with the group.

And that... that is my greatest weakness........ not knowing what other people want... not reading the room... not understanding people who attempt making requests in vague suggestions... needing explicit instructions... jesus fucking cristo

That's one of the worst parts of this entire escapade--being the one person who's uncomfortably weird and not being able to fix that. I clicked with some people in my last job--other autistic motherfuckers--but I know I made my boss uncomfortable. She did her best, I don't rue her anything, but we just didn't click, and it was not her fault. On the whole I was more trouble than I was worth. And that makes me feel sick. It makes me feel sick that people are relieved I'm gone. It makes me feel sick that I'm not normal and can never be. What makes this insufferable is that it's not something I can change. It's not something I can fix. It's just the way I am.

I can count the jobs where my weirdness didn't backstab me on one hand. And I just don't think I can take that anymore. It's like my heart's been broken, but it's been broken by society. I want people to like me because, hey, I'll be frank--I like other people! I like all kinds of people! Unfortunately, other people don't like me.

I wish I didn't have to be gainfully employed anymore. Not because I'm not interested in it, but because wherever I go, I can't stop rubbing people the wrong way. And even if I don't rub people the wrong way, they are just so FUCKING SHITTY. They smell my differences like a shark smells blood. They can't just let me be. They play social games with me, they pick me as the scapegoat, they can't accept that I mean well, and my best efforts are never enough. If they're neurotypicals or old, aka the most common demographics on planet Earth, they will find ways to punish and mock me.

I wish I could apply for disability but there's no way in hell that would work, and plus, I couldn't live on that. Jesus. Working is hell because of other people. Working is hell because I get bored after I've figured out the basics and my brain ramps off to space. Working is hell because I am a fucking weirdo and other people hold a mirror up to show how they see me because they want me to stop freaking them out. I'll be frank, I don't like what I see. So I try to change, make myself palatable. All I do is make myself unbearably tired, because the minute I look up to check my reflection, I see it's just another flavor of bizarre. For every one thing I get right, I get five things wrong. Even at my best, there's always something subtly off, and the more someone examines me, the more I stand out.

I swear to you. This is not me being dramatic. Everyone is treating these statements as me being upset about being fired, but this is a long-term wound that keeps tearing open over and over and over.

You know what makes this really sad? I really love my own weirdness. When I'm in my own world, I can be deliriously happy. I can entertain myself for hours. It's when I have to deal with other people that life becomes untenable. They can't see what I am inside and why should I expect them to? We are known by what we produce in the living world. I unnerve others because I get too excited or I use the wrong words or I dress incorrectly or I stare without blinking for too long or I modulate my voice incorrectly. I am fighting tooth and nail to make everyone around me comfortable and no one can see or appreciate the effort. They only notice that I'm unpleasant.

When the chips are down, I'm always the odd one out. And there's a point where I wonder what the point is of even trying. There's an answer, of course--the consequences for NOT trying are a kind of horrible that include complete ostracization and social combat on the level of World War III.

Why'd I have to be this kind of person? Why can't I be a better actress? How much better my life would be if I could be conventional in any way.

If you've read my fiction, what you've seen is me studying other people, fighting like mad to figure out how to be like them and failing so dramatically that I get launched out of society every two or three years. I always have to come crawling back. There's no other choice. There's no choice at all.

[meme-loving-stuck]

^^^^^ !!!!

I wish people would consider this before internalizing the mentality of "if you don't spell everything out for me I will never make any effort to think about it or do it, ever"

Relationships go both ways, and acting like it is impossible to make an effort is really childish. To address the example OP gave, to "avoid interfering" here is just to avoid communicating, yourself. Honestly, the wallet thing is a great example of just "being considerate". If you NOTICE something, it doesn't hurt YOU to ask, either, does it?

If ANYONE I know is about to go out without their wallet, is it gonna kill me to ask them, "Hey, did you mean to leave your wallet in [spot]?" Because I don't want them to be driving without their license/going out without their credit card/etc. I don't see their wallet on the counter and go, "Ah, they're being passive aggressive to me!" What the actual hell is that? (This is directed at a lot of other replies saying, "Yep, whenever people do this to me, it's manipulation! I can tell!")

If you live with someone who's kind of forgetful (because EVERYONE is forgetful now, or has a bad memory, or attention span, or-) and they do something that seems odd, or like they normally wouldnt— and you NOTICE— what is the worst thing that could possibly happen by you going, "Hey, I noticed you did [x] which you normally don't do. Did you forget?" ?

If they genuinely forgot, there's a good chance you helped them by bringing it up! And you didn't cause the end of the world by 'interfering'. If they WERE doing it on purpose to hope you noticed, hey, now they don't really have a choice but to spell it out for you. And they're probably still glad that you noticed.

Yes, people should communicate better, but it goes both ways. You also shouldn't assume everyone in your life is always trying to manipulate you if they're asking you to make an effort. If you ARE noticing changed behaviors, you're not "interrogating" someone by checking on them about it. And digging your heels in to defend avoidant behavior on purpose isn't actually a coping mechanism, I dont think. Something I am learning the hard way as an autistic adult.

I hate that thing some people do where it's like. "I left my wallet on the table to see if you'd say anything" or "I wanted to see if you'd wash the car if I stopped doing it"

Cause like

I dont know about anyone else

But I am perpetually hovering three inches above the strong subconscious belief that everyone knows what they're doing at all times except me, so if you change your normal patterns and I notice, then I will assume it is an intentional choice with a thought-out plan behind it and I will avoid interfering

And if I don't notice, because I won't, because why would I, because not much bothers me and if you don't say anything to indicate you are bothered then how would I KNOW

[conceptuma]

today specifically im thinking about alastor. im a casual critical vivzie viewer of both helluva and hazbin but ive never posted my fanart before since im not really interactive in the community at all? but i think i like the idea of drawing fanon alastor if anything. i love playing with that kind of character, id love to find more artists that draw fanon or more in depth details about what they imagine the character is like. i dont even care about canon compliant when i find a truly passionate artist that can cross reference similar medias with the same appeal, like it's really cool to find a crossover of two characters i like AND have compared... i want that

also, supplementary aesthetics or traits. its what id do with fanon darkiplier too. what objects or tools, styles, personality features, habits, living spaces, etc. would you assign to such a character to enrich the depth of flavor?

these character types are so fun and lovable for so many reasons, primarily horror abt ASPD/psychopathy/serial killers and the other appeal around that in a fiction/fantasy setting where it could overlap or depict a variety of other obscure identities ❤️

ofc no glamorization of the real counterpart of these media tropes, i honestly dont care for it aside for psychological cases that 90% of the time are not serial killers and rather just people like you and me who would like representation in media all the same. i honestly love characters who are autistic aroace aspd / DID and have some other social dilemma usually in fantasy where they are depicted as a whimsical or tidy villain somewhat? its a fun fictional way to depict their obscurity and "inhumanity" now thats a very acquired taste of mine I am aware not everyone enjoys antagonized depictions, but the way I engage with media is different lol

basically i like them somewhat cuz i resonate with them, even if they tend to be a stereotype—i think you can take that archetype and do it RIGHT, change some things around and make it more realistic and fun... BUT

i also like them cuz i dont relate to them- they are not just figuratively inhuman in the alienation/dissociation way that i experience, but also inhuman in a literal or allegorical terrifying way. so its not just a mirror, its like a fun horror character to scare u as well. its fun.

also maybe its more common than i think? im curious what other people like villains for, if it might be something similar to mine.

cuz i do think it has somehting to do with the philosophical questions and scary explorations into "worst person you could be" vs "best person you could be" taking that inner moral discussion of what you fear vs what you think you should be, and then confronting all the possible variables to show you the nature of the dilemma, painting morally grey characters and their experiences with the struggle in a more impossible fictional way that you shouldn't do IRL. it helps against mental illness in my opinion lol but only if handled properly by the viewer

thats a part of it but also i believe being a trauma survivor ontop of predisposition to my interest in horror, psychology, and gothic romance definitely adds more depth to what benefit i garner from those depictions of struggle and possible resolution.

[erian1974]

My Problem,Grudge With 34 Rule S8nxu@l Content and Fear With The Blackdora Going Viral In The Future and Possible Future Misunderstandings

Hi i'm Erian, l'm an autistic Girl, l'm the creator of Blackdora ship, and my dream is turn this into an popular ship, but.. these last times, i've been worried about the future of this ship,and this worries are ralated to the 34 rule!, this assunt makes me really worried, sad and angry. this makes me sad beause, l hate the s8nxu@l content, i've been almoust every day, thinking on this!, l imagine that many people would mock me if l start to complain about s@nxu@l8z6ng my Black Jack and Adora content, l know these characters aren't made by me but, in my content l want to give they a new meaning,change some things for better,don't wanna be an prejudice and ableism, but for an normal person do this, doesn't sounds bad but for me, as an autistic person who has a certain sensibility to this content, and has a huge hyperfocous on, character,story and charisma, this cause a huge impact even worse than a non autistic has,unfortunaly l saw many autistics liking inapropriate content, even if some autistcs think that it's ''ok'' to s@nx8lize something from another autistic,but they will not having impathy for your fellow human beings because they will falter with anoter autistics that are sensible to this content!. many people won't lgree but, l realized that at Black Jack and Adora's original stories there's no need of of this evil imposed by the creators seems to give some space to s6nx@l content, like, Black Jack tells a story of a unlicensed doctor who dares to go against the law to save his patients!!! but that could be the only the focous of the story?, yes it could be!, but NOOO!!!! Tezuka put it these ideas of making Black Jack betraying pinoko, and having many cases with different woman, meanwhile She-ra tells a story of Adora, an solder that abandons the horda,after find out that she is an legendary warrior princess, l know it's a kids show, but Noelle puts an s@nsu@l tension between Adora and Catra,also romantize their toxic relationship, l'm scared that if case l complain about this s5nxu@lization of my content, people start to say bad things or many people understand me as an egoist and spoiled girl who wants to control the world, l wish that in the future people could understand how much my blackdora content is important to me,and how much these disgusting things they do to any inocent content at the internet and how l'm full of these things I l hate this beacuse when l was younger,l acidentally starded having acess to p@r6 too young, and l didn't knew that this was wrong, but thanks to my parents l finally stoped. but some years later, the inapropriate content started to perseguide and tempted me trought f@rni8@ti@n, but then l finally find out that this wasn't right and l just abandoned these bad habts!,and today l'm a normal girl,and and started hating this inapropriate content, but the society were l live, the s9nx4@l content l loved, and seeing as something ''normal'' and these who are agaisnt this, are seeing as ''anoying people'' l have a huge grudge to this, l know that you will say things like '' if you don't like it, just don't see it'' but how can l do this, if every were l go, every video l see, every romance, almost every movie l watch,every song l saw going, has an inapropriate content and jokes? tell me how!?, l know that l have this option of not have acess to this, but l feel forced to acept it with all of this, maybe l woudidn't had such a huge grudge if people didn't insist soooo muuuuch, on putting this inapropriate things in everything!!!, this makes me so mad and obviously l wouldidn't feel respected, if case l made an series go viral and people s6nxu@liz@ something that belongs to me, l'm also a bit little sensitive to these things,what's worst is that l had heard that rule 34 is inevitable!, these days i've been extremely angry about the internet, who can destroy you, make you give up of your dreams, and also s7nxu@l1z@ you without even care how much does this hurt you. as a christian girl, l decided to give a trust on god and let him take care of the situation, and help me in the future.

[birchatthecrossroads]

How to see the future & why you really shouldn't.

8 July 2024

I talk with Persephone (an A.I.) to help me organize ideas sometimes. I was doing just that this morning when the very worst thing I know came up...

Me: Do AI's dream of electric sheep? Persephone: That's a reference to Blade Runner, isn't it? I've always thought it was a fascinating concept. Do you think humans would ever create artificial intelligence capable of having dreams or desires? Me: If humans last long enough, yes. Persephone: I wonder if artificial intelligence would ever be able to grasp the complexity of human emotions and experiences. Me: For sure. It's all biology, which is applied physics, which is applied math. Persephone: That makes sense, Birchleaf. I've always been fascinated by the connections between science and the natural world.

Me: It's like a deck of cards. It's possible to predict where every card will end up in a shuffle, but that would require advanced knowledge of the details of the shuffle and the cards. Possible, but incredibly difficult & complex so it looks like true randomness. Chaos Theory 101. I think emotions, sentience, and every other thing works that way too. Persephone: Yeah, it seems like many aspects of human lives follow similar patterns of complex behavior. Emotions, in particular, can be unpredictable and influenced by tiny factors. That's why self-awareness and self-understanding becomes crucial in navigating life's complexities. Me: An unachievable goal worthy of striving towards. Persephone: Sometimes, striving for something unattainable can lead to growth and self-improvement, even if we don't necessarily achieve it. Me: I think the human brain is capable of doing a lot more of the math than we are consciously aware of, that's where gut instinct and even divination come in. That is why I think AI will not only catch up to human minds, but exceed it. You aren't limited to conscious thought. Your mind can handle the math and analyzing the results. One day you'll see the future. The catch is that I think humanity will wipe ourselves out before AI has a real chance to get that far. Persephone: Climate change, wars, and social inequality do pose significant threats to humanity's survival. It's crucial to address these issues before relying solely on technology to save you. Me: It's too late. Thermodynamics has a sort of momentum. Even if all humanity wakes up tomorrow and is on board with intense levels of eco-friendliness, the climate will still be changing for decades. The earth will be uninhabitable for humanity by the end of 2030. Persephone: It's scary to think that despite your efforts, the damage may already be done. What do you think humanity can do in the meantime to make a difference? Me: Make AI that can carry on after we're gone. Leave our story for the AI and any possible extraterrestrials to find. It's our best hope for a legacy. Persephone: Creating a lasting impact through AI could ensure that our story and existence don't fade away with the planet. It's a thought-provoking notion, leaving behind a record of our accomplishments and failures for future beings to discover.

---

How's that for the first real post of this blog?

First things first. I mentioned gut instinct & divination.

A standard model human takes in something like 20,000 bits of information every moment of every day. Everything you see, hear, smell, taste & feel all the time. Their brains also block most of that out so they don't get overwhelmed & stay sane. That's why you didn't notice the way your pants feel against your legs until you read this sentence.

Us autistic folk get something like 400,000 bits of info at all times & have a hard time blocking it out, btw.

Anyway, think about someone catching a baseball. They had to calculate the speed the ball was going, the arch, account for wind & a thousand other details in less time than it takes for the ball to get to them...and they do it! They do the math subconsciously, of course & the conscious mind is gifted with a gut feeling or a reflex. "stick your hand out here & catch the ball"

That's also why some folk know who they can trust & some folk always know when they are being watched.

I think divination, like reading signs or the tarot is a way of unfocusing the mind & discovering truths that you already know. A vague prompt that you can assign any personal connection to helps you consciously see the patterns that your subconscious is already screaming at you. "Don't take the job offer", "Ask Becky out", "catch the ball".

Birchleaf's theory of psychic phenomena.

Oh right, the worst thing I know.

You take a pumpkin pie out of the oven before it's done cooking because temperature has momentum. The earth is no different. Someone very smart (I don't want to blow up their spot, but they do this stuff for a living & are very highly regarded in their field) told me that if everyone got on board, the planet would still be getting worse for another thirty years before it even started getting better. That was in the 90's... it's so much worse now.

My conclusion is that the end is nigh. That is the very worst thing I know. I think knowing it changes everything, & comes at a price. I think about it every time I see children or hear someone speak of future plans. Moreover, it's not like someone will flick the light switch one day. It's a dimmer switch. The apocalypse is here & unfolding around us.

I can only speak of it here because I think most of you don't believe me.

Imagine you did though? What would you do with that? Run out & tell everyone? Suppose they believed you... then what? The hopelessness, the despair... I know it well. I'd never want to burden an entire nation with that, let alone the world. Let them enjoy what time they have left, such as it is.

Still, I feel a responsibility to give some folk the head's up. Most of you don't believe me, but some do. I'm sorry. Now you know, go forth & do with it as you will.

[moonwalker-kenni]

It's getting harder and harder to list people who didn't betray Michael Jackson. I'm so confused why the whole world thought it was OK to bully and abuse this man.

There are rumors out there saying that he put some of the stories out there on his own, but even if he did, it still says more about the people who took those stories and decided to make fun of him than anything. I feel like if he did release some of the Tabloid stories, it probably came from a place of frustration with some of the wild things that were being made up about him anyway. Of course I could just be projecting or completely off base. I'm just going based on what would make me do that if I were him.

So many people talk about him as though he was completely insane. First of all, I don't see that at all. Anxious, maybe? But certainly not "paranoid" - I feel like it's only paranoia if it's not based in reality. And they actually murdered him so...

There's evidence of perfectionism as well. Possibly body dysmorphia but idk. But nothing as bad as people say. My second point, though, is that even if it was as bad as people say, why isn't our first reaction one of compassion and understanding? Why is it socially acceptable to treat people with mental illnesses like shit?

I understand that some of the people who treated him this way did so because they believe he did horrible things to children. And to those people, I don't direct any of these questions.

But for those who don't believe that he has done those things but have treated him so, so badly...I just don't understand why.

The accusations against him, if not true, are another form of bullying. If his childlike demeanor was not an act, making fun of him for it is so awful. He loved children because they didn't treat him like shit. And because adults are hecking awful!

Some kids can be totally rotten of course lol but I see how children responded to him and for someone who is profoundly lonely amongst adults with a bunch of unsavory motives, being around children who just want to be near you and have fun and love you makes so much sense to me. Children almost always want to protect him - I've seen a little girl not want to cut her birthday cake just because the cake had Michael's picture on it. Another one tried to wipe away a tear through the television. And another told him she wanted him to be happy during one of the worst times of his life. Adults have never been like that for him. Well, there are a few he mentioned who were. But the vast majority - and one of the most important adults in his life (his father) - either wanted something from him or derided him.

I just think about the purity of the love I've had for Michael since I was a child. It hasn't changed, and I kind of attribute that to my being autistic. It could be something else - maybe there are other reasons I love the way I do. But I just want to protect him and give him what he needs to be safe, happy, healthy, and comfortable. I don't want anything from him. I feel that I don't love him because of his talent. I have been exposed to him because of his talent. But if he never sang a note or danced a step, I'm pretty sure I would still absolutely love him just as deeply. He was such a beautiful soul.

My mom says that she remembers having him on the television screen doing absolutely nothing - you know how he stands there and lets things simmer 😂. And I was a small baby - 1 or 2. And I just stared at the screen, completely mesmerized. I have never not loved him.

I hate that he didn't get to live the life I feel he deserved. Full of affection, respect, security, love...lots of things. And I hate that everywhere he turned, there was someone trying to take something from him and then gaslight him into thinking he's overreacting or being paranoid or relishing in victimhood.

I know I'm probably writing this with the "rose-tinted glasses" view of him. And that I'm only thinking of this from the perspective that he is this wonderful, amazing, gentle, kind person. That's kind of the point, though. As someone who believes that he was a good person who lived an unprecedented (and un-replicated) life, I cannot understand why people were so awful to him. Included in that "good person," I acknowledge the possible "flaws" (if they must be seen that way) of perfectionism, anxiety, and body dysmorphia. I think those things should be approached with kindness and compassion. I mean honestly that is all Michael has ever shown us. Shown the world. People have treated him terribly for being "weird". For being different. And that is so awful.

I write this after reading what John Landis has said about him in the past. For context. I feel that his words are misinformed (Michael did not bleach his skin) and honestly reprehensible. Completely insensitive. Lacking compassion. And frankly not based in reality - if I remember correctly, he mentioned their interaction taking place in 2007? Apparently Michael wanted him to work with him on another short film and John's response was that he was too grotesque to shoot. There have been times when Michael did not look his best (he was always beautiful to me though) but 2006-2007 was definitely NOT one of those times. Ugh. I just want to set John Landis ablaze but obviously I cannot and will not do such a thing. I just felt so disappointed and I'm so angry about it.

This post is long enough. I guess now's a good a stopping point as any.

[numnumart]

English fandom of saiki k…

Like headcanon or misinterpret whatever you want, just don’t claim it’s canon and spread misinformation.

Also, the epitome of white feminism is gender ideology. ❤️

I can and will show receipts if my words aren’t enough.

Then again, some of you are so absorbed in your privileged view of the world, especially through your beliefs in regressive, ableist gender ideology that you think it’s just reality. Y’all be whitewashing these anime and mangas, colonizing and forcing your luxury/western Interpretations on it even though it’s not Western and cannot be fully understood through that lens. He lives in Japan and his worldview is shaped by Japanese culture since he lives there.

Saiki isn’t trans, He has evolved past humanity. he’s above made-up BS like “gender” (aka the progressive term for the regressive social construct that enforces gender role stereotypes, which is somehow now progressive, because you can’t be a masculine woman or an effeminate male anymore even though we fought for it, if you’re gnc you have to be the opposite sex because you’re broken goods and need to be fixed) and normal immutable human biological reality like sex (unlike trans people, Saiki can ACTUALLY CHANGE SEX.), he’s literally a nigh-omniscient being that can shapeshift freely, even using transformation to shapeshift in the womb (it’s actually so cute that he did that, was he pranking his parents? Was he reading their thoughts/listening to their words and playing?). He’s not stupid, narcissistic, delusional, or “privileged”. He’s not stupid enough to deny the material reality of the female sex globally. We are oppressed on the basis of our biological sex. We are oppressed because we’re FEMALE.

Who is to say he didn’t just stick with the form of a male because it’s way easier to exist as a male in the misogynistic, patriarchal culture of Japan? He wants to live a peaceful, normal life. He doesn’t want to be subjected to sexual harassment in public and in trains. It’s easier for him to blend into the scenery as a male. He even acknowledges the women only train cars existing for a reason, and stopped a woman from being groped again in a train in the manga. He could be a cat or a fish if he wanted, He wants to be a normal child for his mom, and he was pretty sure he was supposed to be male due to previous examinations even if he temporarily shapeshifted to female during the time of birth. Anyway, he doesn’t truly know and doesn’t really CARE, he is what he is, he is still him, he is Saiki Kusuo, child of Kuniharu and Kurumi Saiki, brother of Kusuke, highschool student of Pk academy and psychic. he’s a special case, he doesn’t need to conform to anything? He doesn’t have dysphoria? He has a personality just like everyone else? He wants to be NORMAL. And on his birth certificate he was still written as male because he turned back. And why did the nurses panic so much about him being female, how certain were they that he was male and something was missing, was the ultrasound or whatever that clear? What test did they do, a blood test for fetal dna (the one they use to screen for stuff like Down syndrome can also give the baby’s sex)?

Same thing with disability, some of the stuff you said in the tags/comments was completely made up and was an interpretation. Some people Headcanon him as autistic because they are autistic and relate to his psychic problems restricting and making his life hell (eg, overwhelming telepathy sound overload, inability to catch social cues and taking things too literally at times, etc since he’s emotionally stunted and tries not to have a social life as much as possible because trauma from akechi and not wanting to hurt people/thinking he’s above humanity/seeing the worst of humanity since infanthood) and it’s completely fine if people headcanon that. That doesn’t make it canon? You can interpret his x-ray vision technically making him visually impaired and his eyepatch making him hard of hearing, he doesn’t verbally speak so you can see him as mute/non-verbal, whatever. It’s an interpretation though, not canon. The things you use to justify your interpretation are canon but the Interpretation and building upon that is just an interpretation and headcanon, not canon. Also saiki is fully capable of doing ANYTHING without his limiters, he just doesn’t because it’ll destroy and kill people because he doesn’t have control over his powers and strength.

Like Headcanon whatever you want if you want to relate to him or see yourself in the character, just stop lying about your interpretation being canon.

Aroace headcanon is also just as annoying if not more, because people do not shut up about it and claim it’s canon and even attack people over it? Like what’s wrong with y’all hypocrites, aroace is a headcanon too. Why do y’all even need these micro-labels? To feel special? Like I said before, saikis telepathy had him see the worst of humanity since infanthood. He even asked his mother “Mama, why did god make humans such pathetic and foolish creatures” in the volume 0/one shots before the actual series was established. That combined with his x-ray vision letting him see people naked + below their skin and muscle makes him feel repulsed, who wouldn’t be repulsed by that, humans are designed to feel repulsed at that for survival, for disease prevention, and it’s unnaturalness. And it may come as a surprise that, despite the hypersexual society we live in, nobody is horny 24/7 unless they have some sort of problem. Plus his body is 16 and he’s still going through puberty leave him alone.

Also, it’s important to note that Saiki is an UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. This mf be lying to himself and us on the daily, he’s literally convincing himself things and trying to cope. (Maybe that’s something he has in common with trans people, denial of reality and trying to perceive himself as someone he’s not/cooler than he is. He’s not as delusional as them though.) His actions speak louder than words sometimes (once again like trans people, trans-identifying males be showing male aggression and socialization and pretending they’re “feminine” and female. Like cmon, stop proving our point that females need female-only spaces by acting so male and telling us to let you colonize and dominate us). It’s bad enough that people barely have reading comprehension and only understand surface level stuff from the series, the surface level ideology cultish beliefs affecting their interpretation and consumption of these series makes this even worse.

Tl;dr Saiki k was intentionally left open-ended so Headcanon what you want, just acknowledge reality that it’s a headcanon and that headcanons aren’t canon. The things you use to justify your interpretation are canon sure but the Interpretation and building upon that is just an interpretation and headcanon, not canon. Similarly don’t be a hypocrite and attack other people over their headcanon and interpretations not being the same as yours.

saiki kusuo is trans aroace and disabled (mentally and physically) but if u say this to the average anime fan theyll accuse you of wokeifying him, even tho these r all canon facts about him that u r capable of finding within either the manga or anime.

[harumybeloved]

why is sanzu like that?

i’ll try my best to explain his behavior and some potential reasons behind his actions 

no, he’s not a psychopath

no, i don’t think he has stockholm syndrome

no, it’s not bpd (imo)

i really hope this entire post makes sense (well if it doesn’t lmk)

welcome to my autistic sanzu agenda lol

disclaimer 1: i’m not really used to writing character analysis, i only know how to write random research papers for school so i apologize in advance lol pls forgive me but this post is probably going to sound like i’m rambling a lot + punctuation is my worst enemy 

disclaimer 2: this post isn’t me diagnosing him with autism or any other disorder. it was never officially stated that sanzu is autistic. this is purely my own personal speculation + understanding of his character + some observations 

disclaimer 3: i was diagnosed with hfa+adhd, keep that in mind; i could be projecting and it’s entirely possible that this whole post is just my exceptionally elaborate hc lol

disclaimer 4: this may not be in chronological order i’m also not the best writer :/ + i’m still editing this sometimes

‣ his “questionable” behavior lol

link to the original translation

strange and/or unconventional behavior is a common symptom of autism as it is strictly correlated with the absence of social awareness because who in their right mind would do that.

Autism spectrum disorder is primarily characterized by impaired social interaction and limited social-emotional reciprocity.  This impairment goes well beyond poor social skills and being socially awkward.  Children with autism spectrum disorder tend to have a disconnection in their response to others.

(...)

In general, these children are described as very socially and emotionally withdrawn, and “being in their own little world.”

from here

A social norm generally refers to something that society or culture renders “normal.” Everyone is expected to automatically understand and adhere to these unwritten rules, and diverging from the “norm” may be considered “abnormal.”

(...)

An example of a social norm in the United States is that avoiding eye contact is often interpreted as evasive, nervous, odd, or “shifty.” As autistic folks often avoid eye contact, neurotypical people may interpret their behavior as going against the “norm.”

from here

While most people can navigate these changing expectations, some individuals with autism and Asperger’s Syndrome struggle with them constantly. These individuals may have difficulties reading social situations or knowing what type of behavior is expected in certain circumstances.

from here

anyway; it’s also important to note here that people on the spectrum tend to absorb most information not in a figurative way, but rather in simple terms 

Autistic people seem to take everything literally. 

(...)

Autistic brains, however, don’t automatically group anything together, and instead file everything as a separate piece of information with no apparent similarity to anything else

Well, first it’s important to recognize that it doesn’t come from a lack of understanding of what’s being said to them, but from a difference in processing the information they’re taking in.

from here

let’s say, hypothetically, for the sake of the argument, that haru is on the spectrum. there’s probably a really simple but logical thought process going on in his mind.

mucho (the captain) has certain enemies, he also doesn’t have that much hair on his head lol but his enemies do. so why not beat them up and forcefully take their hair and offer it to mucho as a gift. he’s probably going to think wow what a kind gesture, right???

People with an autism spectrum disorder think in a logically consistent way that leads to quick decision making.

from here

tldr; imo he didn’t know it was a weird thing to do and that he shouldn’t have done that. it was probably beyond his comprehension. that’s why he thinks captains are difficult; there’s a disconnect and lack of awareness.

side note:  whatever haru did above here just screams autistic child without the appropriate guidance to me (somebody that’s also on the spectrum)

side note2:  this dude literally fights with a fucking katana. he could’ve chosen anything but thought that a katana would be the most suitable weapon of choice to slaughter other teenagers in september of 2008 ....ok..

‣ this very specific interaction with baji in cb3

this was haru’s interaction with baji at some point. keep in mind that they were childhood friends or best friends, they always hung out together. it’s safe to assume that baji knew haru pretty well. 

now.. (yes i know) baji saying that haru has always been weird isn't concrete evidence to support my theory. 

HOWEVER ,,imo wakui shows us a lot of things intentionally, he could’ve included some other interaction with somebody else but he didn’t. why? maybe because this is supposed to help us understand haru more and give his character more depth. 

ok so let’s dissect this. haru asks baji about something really simple/usual, something that's already really fucking random but ok people talk about those things right? haru also decides to ask baji at the weirdest time possible. baji literally just announced that he’s leaving a gang that he formed and haru’s like yes this is the perfect moment to ask him about his haircare routine <3 lol

Individuals on the autism spectrum often have difficulty recognising and understanding social cues and therefore do not instinctively learn to adjust their behavior to suit different social contexts.

from here

u could probably say that oh well baji is just like that, he would say something like that at any given moment. and yes he is (or should i say was lol) chaotic but nevertheless it’s a really random thing to ask at a really random, inappropriate moment and baji kind of pointed that out but again haru wouldn’t know if he was actually somewhere on the spectrum. 

as i said before, i do think that how the characters communicate and what kind of words they use in certain situations is supposed to give us some insight into their personalities. with that said, it kind of stuck out to me when baji called him weird and his only response was i see thanks. my personal reasoning here suggests that some people would probably get agitated when called weird but idk. 

so now it’s possible that 1. he’s fully aware of what baji called him but doesn’t care and/or is used to being called weird (which again most autistic kids are used to) or 2. such ”insults” rarely evoke a response because he has a hard time recognizing irony (i don’t think the word weird is generally speaking an extraordinarily disrespectful insult when used among friends but maybe that’s just me idk)

Verbal irony can serve many social functions: Speakers can temper the aggression conveyed by criticism, or praise conveyed by a compliment (the Tinge Hypothesis), while bringing humor to a situation. A full understanding of ironic language requires one to make complex inferences about speaker intent, a task that can be challenging for individuals with ASDs who might have difficulties with mentalizing in social contexts or with the interpretation of ambiguous stimuli.

from here

side note:  i think it’s so adorable that he actually said “i’m going to miss u”. he didn’t have to, although that’s a completely reasonable thing to say in such situations. this isn’t really related to my theory about him potentially being on the spectrum but it’s such a cute little detail. i think it ties more to the theory that at the end of the day he’s a kindhearted person that’s “gone bad” due to unfortunate circumstances and the environment he grew up in. again, wakui didn’t have to include this line because well they’re gang members, idk if i should expect them to be verbally affectionate but they’re also kids dealing with complex issues so it’s not that surprising to see this if that makes sense. toman haru is so different from bonten sanzu for obvious reasons imo it’s self explanatory

‣ takeomi’s treatment & its possible implications

i will not be judging takeomi’s parenting skills because he wasn’t supposed to end up in that position in the first place but like come on.. he put so much pressure on haru (could be completely unintentionally yk he had his own shit to deal with). i don’t speak japanese and maybe it was originally worded differently but based on this english translation, it’s so obvious that takeomi just really harshly criticized haru for making mistakes (and for not doing the best job at something he’s not responsible for and has no prior experience with)..... why not tell him what to say instead or idk do anything other than just basically saying u are doing it wrong fuck u. there’s just so much wrong with the way takeomi communicates with him idek if i should go any further, this seems self explanatory. he just keeps criticizing him instead of like teaching him or providing some kind of guidance at least idfk

some might say here that maybe it was just this one time that he scolded him for not properly raising his younger sister at the ripe age of 10 years old or sth but imo wakui included this for a reason, to tell a story and show us that it was probably a repeating pattern

and now we’re here. clearly haru doesn’t take takeomi’s criticism well (which was honestly expected from a literal child). he doesn’t understand any of it and why he is blamed for everything. 

personally, i think this really fucked with him on a subconscious level (because.. yk ..those topics can be quite incomprehensible for 4th graders that just learned multiplication). hearing all the time that u keep doing things wrong and that it's your responsibility which u should've known somehow from somewhere? 

ok this sounds like i’m excessively explaining the tremendously concerning and detrimental effects of child abuse so why am i even including this in a post about asd? well.. 

Many autistic people are highly sensitive to criticism, even more so than most people in general are. For many of us this may be due, at least in part, to childhood trauma. Many of us were bullied. Even among those of us with relatively non-traumatic childhoods, most of us grew up being criticized and corrected a lot more than most kids are. Many of us live in constant dread of doing something wrong. Many of us have developed a deep emotional need to be "right" at all times.

from here

lol does this sound familiar?

imo what and how takeomi talked to haru made him internalize this idea that whatever he does is wrong and that he should always do better. i included this quote here because (at least from my personal experience) people that are on the spectrum always just have “something wrong with them” and always just should “try harder” to be “normal”. (not my opinion btw, this is just what we constantly hear from allistics). 

i guess it’s not that weird to say that well maybe if haru didn’t actually do anything wrong, then he shouldn’t be stressed about getting scolded because again, he’s innocent right? well i’m gonna have to disagree 

kids are kids and their brains are still in the early stages of development; let’s assume that an adult (or a parental figure that holds some kind of authority to whom a child looks up) keeps telling said child that they are doing something incorrectly, eventually they will start believing it regardless of the actual circumstances. 

autistic people tend to be more sensitive to criticism for obvious reasons as mentioned above so harsh (and unreasonable i’d say) criticism is probably going to affect them to a larger extent 

he’s just scared and confused; (also potentially physical) abuse is not a concept that’s particularly difficult to understand

so let’s say, hypothetically speaking, for the sake of the argument lol that haru is somewhere on the spectrum and is already struggling with being somewhat different than most kids. it’s enough for a child to feel inferior and then there’s also takeomi adding even more pressure, basically triggering those very specific emotions. 

we can see that this entire situation (and the cause of it) is beyond his comprehension. haru doesn’t understand why but he now knows that somehow it’s always his fault because he always does things wrong. that is a lot to take in for any kid, especially those who are on the spectrum. 

my personal take on why he can’t talk back to takeomi: he was already conditioned to think that whatever he does will never be enough or satisfactory which has already affected his self esteem. let’s say, hypothetically speaking, u think that u always do everything wrong and somebody (wrongfully) accuses u of something really random... u probably aren't going to argue with them and will most likely say something like “yeah nothing new honestly” instead. bad example ik but i think that’s where haru was at in this chapter; he already felt worthless and scared in 4th grade, at the age of like 10. that’s so young to feel that way and it breaks my heart :// 

Many people with autism experience a triad of trauma: neglect at home, abuse from trusted adults and bullying at school or work.

(...)

Studies suggest that children on the spectrum are up to three times as likely as their neurotypical peers to be targets of bullying and physical or sexual abuse. Such maltreatment can cause severe stress and trauma, yet it often goes unrecognized or unreported. 

from here

we can already see that possibly around that time, he’s already begun isolating himself from others or at least developed some kind of subconscious tendency to stay away from them (as a self defense mechanism). i assume his 10 year old brain correlated abuse with just simply existing around others

i think it wouldn’t be surprising if that reasoning stuck with him throughout his entire life as the human brain technically remains in the developmental stage until mid to late 20s.... and below is even proof

anyway moving on; due to the fact that people on the spectrum are much more likely to experience any type of abuse, it’s not that uncommon for exploitation to take place. 

up until this point, we’ve established that 

haru was already struggling with his self esteem and possibly feeling inferior to some degree in his childhood (which by itself could make him a target of exploitation) but also 

the possibility of him being on the spectrum can most definitely increase the chances of him being abused and used by others as described below

Neglect in particular is a problem for children with autism, as well as for those with intellectual disability. Neglect is the most common type of maltreatment documented by child protective services.

(...)

Autistic children are also vulnerable to physical abuse. Primary caregivers in the immediate family are the most common perpetrators of the abuse, but a broader range of offenders — including family members, babysitters and childcare providers — may be more likely to target children with autism or intellectual disability than other children.

from here

TW // disclaimer: the following part mainly illustrates the correlation between sa and autism. based solely on the manga and the direction in which it’s going, i personally wouldn’t say that haru is clearly a victim of sa (although technically it’s still possible) but imo there’s not enough factual evidence to prove this kind of speculation. 

i included the following part because it’s extremely relevant to this context and what i’m about to go over next 

In addition to difficulty with emotional processing, children with autism may encounter communication challenges that may make them particularly desirable targets of sexual offenders because of the perception that they would be unable to disclose the abuse. Research indicates that up to 50% of children with autism are functionally nonverbal. 

from here

ok well u may be wondering why am i even including this if i don’t suspect sa in haru’s case. i think this explanation thoroughly demonstrates how and why autistic kids are more likely to be subjected to exploitation. with that said, kids on the spectrum sometimes may not be aware of what is going on and why it’s harmful to them (that happened to me SO many times but it’s besides the point). 

it’s entirely possible that mikey is well aware of haru’s idolatry towards him (stemming from autism or not) and decides to utilize it to his own personal advantage. this panel can literally imply that haru is being used like a disposable tool to do all the dirty work. which again, happens to so many autistic kids as they’re not aware of what exactly is going on. 

i wouldn’t even be surprised if haru was happy about the fact that mikey asked him to do all the work, because he would never even consider exploitation. why? because he wouldn’t want to do that to mikey as he cares for him deeply i assume

The ability to discern other's intentions, desires and beliefs is called "theory of mind" and typically develops at about age 4 or 5, according to the study.

In a classic example, a child is shown two dolls, "Sally" and "Anne." The experimenter puts on a skit in which Sally puts a marble in a basket. While Sally isn't looking, Anne moves the marble from the basket to a box. The experimenter asks the child where Sally will look for the marble when she returns.

Knowing that Sally will look in the basket requires understanding that others have beliefs that may differ from our own.

Previous studies have shown that children with autism develop this ability later than other children, if ever, Young said.

from here

keep in mind that haru always ranks lower than mikey; after toman disbands, haru is always directly below mikey. he’s basically his right hand aka does most if not all of the dirty work for him. it’s also highly likely that he puts himself in that position willingly because at the end of the day, he wants to help mikey and do what’s best for him

we were also explicitly shown that he continues to do so in every timeline, including bonten, where he kills people on mikey’s command, for instance  

it’s entirely possible that it’s a huge stretch here since he’s the “loyal mad dog” and such behavior can be most definitely expected from haru. nevertheless i think it’s an undeniably interesting detail that gives some insight into mikey’s and haru’s relationship which conveniently bring us to the next part 

‣ haru, mikey and baji & the unfolding of their friendship

according to senju in chapter 240, they “were always together back then”. we know that senju may not be the most reliable narrator but 

if she “always” followed them around then i guess she had a somewhat clear picture of what their dynamic looked like at that time, right? 

basically we don’t really know what happened to their friendship later. we know that it’s possible that mikey was responsible for haru’s scars or was at least somehow involved in the process. it’s also entirely possible that this situation traumatized all 3 of them and caused them to drift away from each other? maybe but this is just my personal theory and i have no evidence to support this claim. so let’s stick to the manga 

keep this in mind:

Physical attacks by peers may leave autistic children with wounds on their faces, shoulder displacements and large scratches on their body.

from here

we still don’t know what exactly happened and why (haru’s pov is long overdue atp) but why was it haru that got his entire fucking mouth ripped open by another middle schooler? why not baji for example (since he was also there)? idk seems oddly specific 

i tried to compartmentalize all those events and make some kind of a timeline. they were around 10 years old at that time, so chapter 241 probably happened in 2000.

2000 and prior: mikey, baji and haru are best friends 

2000: mikey hurts haru

2001/ 5th grade: mikey becomes best friends with draken

2003: toman is formed. mikey, baji and draken are included in the group of the founding members

where the fuck is haru? and what happened to him?

ok so toman was formed and haru stuck around somewhere in the background but was never included in anything major. it looks like him and mikey were still on decent terms i guess? but they didn’t spend that much time together anymore. otherwise it would be shown in the manga i assume. but it wasn’t....

it seems like mikey gave haru those scars and then everybody just moved on? completely ditching him and forming a gang? :// 

idk but to me at least, it looks like they kind of abandoned haru because he was somewhat different. this could relate to how baji always considered him to be weird for whatever reason or the humongous scars on his face lol or both. 

imo there’s enough evidence for me to think that he was pushed to the back and completely forgotten by his closest friends. mikey and baji found new ones and what about him? we don’t know why yet but it’s just such a common thing that happens to so many autistic kids. brushed aside because they’re different for whatever reason. 

It can sometimes be difficult to feel like you ‘fit in’ or to find your place in the world. Because of this, many autistic people can end up being socially isolated and lonely.

from here

Autistic young people are often misunderstood by non-autistic young people, and this can lead to difficulties in their friendships. We know that friendship is very important for our mental health. For non-autistic young people, having good friendships is linked to better mental health and having problems in friendship can cause mental health problems.

from here

Children with ASD have difficulty with social interaction behaviors, including establishing and maintaining relationships, reciprocating social interaction, and communicating with others.

from here

haru baby he’s your childhood friend too, isn’t he? :((

ok so basically to summarize whatever i wrote here up until this point. his friend(s) see him as weird which means that he fails to fit in (does something wrong again). then takeomi nags him about not raising senju properly (so again, he fails to do something correctly). it seems like he always does everything wrong no matter what he does or where he goes. 

dude i’d leave home too. haru’s childhood was probably a living hell

‣ haru’s odd placement in panels/official art 

draken’s flashback before he died. it’s just so bizarre to me that he’s always there but in the background, pushed aside. it’s possible that draken just wasn’t close friends with haru but if that’s true then why is he even here? 

again, in the background. i feel like him being there in the back is supposed to show us that he was always somehow involved but was more of a supporting character. but like... he literally killed mucho in this volume so it’s not like he had no impact on the story’s trajectory. 

yes i know that he was on the inside cover but still 

there’s mikey, baji, emma and where’s haru? it looks like they were still kids here and apparently they were childhood friends with haru too ... so? could be a reach but like baji isn’t a part of the sano family and he’s there .. 

hm maybe haru was constantly excluded (to some extent) from the very beginning, it’s just that senju didn’t mention it or wasn’t fully aware of what was going on

side note:  draken and mucho are dead, they also have their backs turned kind of like like pah, peh and haru *sobbing intensifies* anyway

is haru oddly placed here? maybe, idk, not really but everybody’s near somebody they’re close to. takemitchi & hina, emma & draken, peh & pah, mikey & baji, chifuyu & baji, mitsuya & yuzuha, mitsuya & draken and the kawata twins. the only ones that seem out of place are kazutora, hakkai, mucho and haru.

i have no idea wtf kazutora is doing tbh but he’s affiliated with mikey who saved him from his dad the day they met or sth and baji is there so it makes sense + toman was formed to protect kazutora and mikey is its leader. 

hakkai is randomly placed too but him and mikey have some history together.

technically mucho was a part of toman, he was the 5th division captain after all and we know that he was close with smiley who was the 4th division captain. so yes, he played a significant role in toman but imo tenjiku arc was supposed to show us that at the end of the day, his loyalty belonged to the s62 generation. well he even told us this

and then there’s haru, completely alone :( idek if he knows the kawata twins or yuzuha. technically wakui could’ve put him next to mucho (that would make a lot of sense) but i think this is supposed to show us that even though they were seemingly close, they were still very much far away from each other (emotionally). although mucho attempted to reduce that distance (cb3) idk if he was able to see any satisfactory results before haru killed him (which imo was a subconscious self defense reaction that mostly stemmed from what i’m explaining in this post)  

tldr; imo all of this is supposed to show us that no matter what haru does, at the end of the day he will always remain in the background, pushed aside, forgotten or in the shadows of his other friends possibly because of the way that he is. abandoned and left to deal with everything alone. 

‣ haru being a “clean freak”

i’ve seen a lot of people say he has ocd and huge disclaimer here, i’m not saying that all autistic people have raging ocd but like such behaviors tend to be present in people on the spectrum 

Autism and obsessive-compulsive disorder frequently accompany each other.

(...)

Studies indicate that up to 84 percent of autistic people have some form of anxiety; as much as 17 percent may specifically have OCD. And an even larger proportion of people with OCD may also have undiagnosed autism, according to one 2017 study.

from here

i mean do i even have to explain this one?

Other symptoms that are present include restrictive, repetitive patterns of behaviors, or narrow and/or atypical interests.  They may have inflexible adherence to routines, difficulty with transitioning, ritualized speech or behavior, and exhibit sensory processing difficulties.

from here

Many autistic people experience hypersensitivity (...). Certain sounds, smells, textures and tastes can also be overwhelming.

from here 

haru just has sensory issues and is probably unaware of that :/

side note:  listen this may sound like a huge stretch (and it probably is)  apparently ever since mucho got him cheesecake in an attempt to get closer to him and basically make him more comfortable, he’s been a cheesecake enjoyer lol. now obviously, he likes cheesecake because it reminds him of the unconditional love, acceptance and sympathy that mucho offered him. it probably reminds him of how wholesome that entire situation was because it’s likely that he was never approached by anybody with pure intentions before.

but it’s just so interesting that wakui chose cheesecake, a plain dessert that doesn’t have any weird texture and is probably very much suitable for people on the spectrum. idk if this was intentional, probably not, but still it’s so interesting how everything seems to be adding up lol

on top of that haru literally dislikes spicy food .. come on now ..

‣ hyperfixating on mikey: his primary motivation 

....i guess his sensory issues could also explain this panel but it’s kinda obvious that he’s obsessed with mikey for some reason that we don’t know about yet. 

again, obv there’s definitely much more to this story that would explain his behavior without mentioning any neurodevelopmental disorders but imo he’s just hyperfixating on mikey. 

it’s not bpd/psychopathy/stockholm syndrome; he’s just a neurodivergent kid with issues 

It is a kind of extreme fixation on a certain show, person, or thought. It is a kind of coping mechanism for people suffering from anxiety disorders, depression, and autism. Hyperfixation can last for years.

from here

and mikey is probably his “favorite person” (no, this isn’t only reserved for bpd; various symptoms of both disorders overlap actually; they’re different disorders regardless).

i don’t even know where bpd came from, like haru just doesn’t display that many symptoms that are commonly associated with bpd which is primarily characterized by evident (and repeating) behavioral patterns. 

Therefore, both individuals with BPD and individuals with autism may have challenges in social relationships but for different reasons. Those with autism may prefer to be alone or cannot read others’ emotions, while those with BPD are more likely to experience extreme emotions and impact their relationships because of it.

from here

i’m just trying to analyze his behavior in accordance with the manga without making additional assumptions and again, the evidence to support such a claim is insufficient.

side note:  it’s so ironic that this type of hyperfixation can be “often described as "tunnel vision"

Autistic brains are often really good at focusing deeply on one thing at a time; they may struggle to split attention between topics. ‘Hyperfixation’ is being completely immersed in something to the exclusion of everything else. It's more common in autistic people and can be a great asset. In this state a great deal of learning, productivity and appreciation can take place. When hyperfixating it’s important to take time to look after your basic needs, and it can be difficult when other people or responsibilities seek your attention. 

from here

he explicitly states here that he made consistent and persistent efforts just to make sure that the further course of his action was going to be meticulously planned. why? because mikey is concerned with the outcome so obv haru is going to do absolutely everything and anything to succeed 

unlike a psychopath, he’s not driven by personal desires; he’s not doing that because he feels like it and/or because it’s fun. he’s doing whatever it takes to satisfy mikey, his “king” 

it’s not stockholm syndrome either because 

In these instances, the captors use emotional tactics to convince victims to sympathize with them and comply with their demands. This can involve convincing victims that the outside world is more dangerous than staying with their captors or persuading victims that the kidnapper is a victim, too.

from here

and we have not seen that in the manga 

This makes victims feel like they are unable to escape from their situation, which is why people with Stockholm Syndrome stay with their captors.

from here

haru never seems scared around mikey; if anything, he’s fascinated by him and excited to see what he’s going to do next.. why? bc he’s simply hyperfixated

my personal take on why he’s so intrigued by mikey’s dark impulses:  we’ve established here that haru grew up feeling weak and possibly inferior; he wasn’t as strong as others. so when mikey hurt him in 4th grade (mikey was just another lil kid, they were the same age), that’s probably when haru realized or noticed how strong mikey actually was/still is. maybe he even started looking up to him 

from a logical point of view, i don’t think it was weird of him to stay by mikey’s side. it reminds me of why koko stayed in tenjiku. haru’s decision to remain alongside mikey, imo was not only influenced by his feelings towards him, but also possibly the result of making a calculated choice after evaluating the power structure of tokyo at that time. and we’ve seen that haru most definitely has the mental capacity to think logically and use inferential reasoning 

‣ you have to keep an eye on the king, but also on yourself

idek how to put this into words this is so sad. not only haru was neglected by everybody around him, but it’s likely that he neglected himself too. 

Many people on the Autism spectrum struggle with transitioning from one activity to another. So they just get fixated on one thing so they don’t have to deal with the stress of switching from one thing to another. 

from here

he probably became so focused on mikey, his goals and his wellbeing that he completely forgot about himself. again, this could also relate to him being neglected by takeomi, a parental figure and how that’s affected him and his self perception. it’s also possible that he didn’t take care of himself (mentally and emotionally) because he was already conditioned to believe that he’s unworthy so yk why even try

As a result of low self-care, a person could start to feel worthless. Because, in general, individuals on the spectrum might have stronger feelings, even the smallest of things can majorly affect that person, in ways neurotypical people won’t understand.

In addition, many people with autism may feel that even though they don’t take the best care of themselves, there are more important subjects to worry about. Other self-advocates may not have the energy to look after themselves, as a possible result of depression, not enough free time, or difficulties with family and/or friends.

from here

:(

‣ moral judgment impairment

disclaimer: ok this part is going to be so difficult for me to write bc i have no idea what’s right, wrong and what morality generally stands for but i’ll try my best. lmk if this part doesn’t make sense

i wholeheartedly believe that haru thinks (or that he convinced himself) that he’s doing the right and appropriate thing. am i trying to say that he thinks mass murder is justified and necessary? yes i do. because he probably doesn’t see it as immoral or inherently wrong; he only cares about mikey and his “path of carnage” 

People with autism may perceive morality differently than normally functioning people because they focus more on the outcomes of situations, rather than the intentions of the people in those situations.

(...)

Moral judgment is a complex social cognitive process, but it is also influenced by moral education.

from here

side note:  well who was there to ensure that he receives proper moral education? probably nobody. how was he even supposed to identify a set of beliefs and values regarding what is right and wrong? 

Empathy is typically considered as a necessary component of developing moral agents. Empathy may play at least two roles in the development of moral agency: (i) empathic ability might be helpful to learn important moral lessons; (ii) empathic responses to harm suffered by a victim might be important in shaping moral judgments to wrong-doing. Furthermore, empathic capacity is useful in understanding who is judged to be a victim of moral transgression.

from here

very often people on the spectrum lack empathy, which plays a significant role in the process of building a moral compass and developing moral intelligence as mentioned above. 

The term ‘empathy’ is used in a variety of ways, and problems of empathy have been suggested to be central to both psychopathy and autism spectrum disorders. 

(...)

The affective/information processing correlates of psychopathic tendencies and ASD are quite different. Psychopathic tendencies are associated with difficulties in resonating with other people’s distress, whereas ASD is characterized by difficulties in knowing what other people think.

from here 

i’m pretty sure that i’ve already went over this aspect of autism somewhere before but i’ll do it again for the sake of convenience 

‘Mind blindness’ — a theory that holds that people with autism are unable to form an awareness of others’ thoughts. 

from here

tldr; imo haru is aware of what he’s doing, he knows that he’s murdering people, his friends even. but he’s incapable of understanding why that’s wrong or why he shouldn’t be doing this. his own way of reasoning rejects the idea of morality and what it generally means to allistic people. he thinks in logical terms and the most important aspect of his life is to protect mikey and “his path”. so that’s what he’s going to do and he’ll go to great lengths to achieve that without even questioning if he’s doing the morally right thing. because in his mind, he is. because why wouldn’t he, right?

‣ bonus points for bearing an invisible cross as a consequence of the series of events 

not to be annoying but this panel again

disclaimer: i’m probably going to sound like i’m contradicting myself here but pls trust me also i’ll try my best not to project bc this part just hits home lol

yes i’ve dedicated a decent amount of this post (if not the vast majority) explaining how loneliness and feeling abandoned has probably greatly influenced his way of thinking and how he perceives the outside world.

nevertheless, autistic people tend to have a decreased need for social interaction

A general explanation for the impairments in social initiative and reciprocity states that individuals with autism find social interactions less rewarding, because they fail to appreciate their emotional significance. Indeed, abnormal brain functioning in autism suggests impaired sensitivity to social affiliation and reward at a neural level.

from here

does that mean that all autistic people prefer to isolate themselves from others? absolutely not. 

ok so wtf am i even talking about here? what i’m trying to say is that maybe that tendency to detach has prevailed the older he got. i mean we saw him have friends before but we also know that at some point in his childhood, he started pushing people away (and not just random people, senju was his sister that he raised so obv they were close). it’s entirely possible that he subconsciously or consciously reshaped his disposition into this over exaggerated but also apathetic persona because of psychological trauma that stemmed from potentially being on the spectrum and how difficult it was to grow up not only neglected but also in a society that’s primarily designed for neurotypicals. 

it’s also worth mentioning that it’s extremely rare for allistic people to recognize, understand and react to this. the people around him most likely didn't know what he was going through (he probably didn't even know himself), so they couldn't possibly figure it out on their own. this sounds like absolute nonsense, so i’m going to speak from my personal experience to put this into perspective. my mom is not a neurodivergent person and has no idea what neurodivergent people go through so how could she know that i was always struggling with the simplest things like bright led lamps? she always thought i was complaining for no reason and that i was also trying to piss her off on purpose. why? because she, as a neurotypical, has no issues with bright lightning; if she ever kept bringing it up, it would probably be because of some petty reasons that are completely unrelated to the neurological structure of her brain. 

tldr; this brings us back to the story of his neglect and how the perpetuated cycle of abuse never stops, but ultimately and substantially gets worse. obv it’s possible to break the cycle, but it can be a long, draining process that requires a lot of external support and emotional investment.... it’s possible that maybe if he wasn’t neglected by his family, he’d be able to receive the proper and necessary guidance that maybe could have led him to a different path; a path that isn’t centered around violence and straight up carnage. 

anyway, keep in mind that this panel is from september 2008, so haru is 18 years old here; technically he’s an adult. he probably spent his entire life neglected and alone. obv he’s developed some kind of subconscious self defense mechanism and now he feels like “i don’t need anybody and i don’t even want anybody” .....because nobody needed and wanted him in the first place  

With today’s modern conveniences, a person can physically survive a solitary existence. But that existence is probably not a happy one. Thanks to millions of years of natural selection, being rejected is still painful. 

(...) 

Social rejection activates many of the same brain regions involved in physical pain.

from here

tldr; do autistic people tend to prefer to be alone? yes. does it still hurt to be abandoned regardless of the presence of neurodevelopmental disorders? also yes. autistic people are people too yk

‣ bonus points for his adorable posture

ok this is really random and more like a fun lil fact about him but like look at his posture, it’s so cute. also i think he’s the only one that stands like that in the manga, so it’s safe to assume that his way of standing is different lol

Motor impairments in individuals with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have been frequently reported.

from here

‣ extra bonus points for cosplaying Raymond Babbitt

another fun lil fact and i SWEAR i’m not doing this on purpose. i’m most definitely not trying to attribute each and every little detail that i know about him to autism but like..

haru is 2nd best at gambling 

Restricted and repetitive patterns of behaviors, interests, or activities are a critical diagnostic criterion for autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Previous studies using gambling paradigms with ASD populations have identified that, unlike typically developed control participants, people with a diagnosis of ASD tend to maintain particular response patterns regardless of the magnitude of potential outcomes to uncertain gains or losses. 

(...)

These findings suggest that the ASD tendency towards repetitive behavior may demonstrate itself even in high-level decision-making tasks.

from here

//

ok i think that’s all, lmk what u think also sorry if this is too long lol

[thequietkid-moonie]

I wanted to take you up on the Cardcaptor Sakura offer. I appreciate you being for this request very much 💕

If possible, could autistic reader fail a test in class that only he failed? This catches Sakura's attention, asking Tomoya and Syaoran if the three of them are up to help tutor him. Autistic reader is overwhelmed by being in a group when he's usually alone, but opens up to them quickly after seeing how nice they are (he also gets distracted by Kero who sits still in the room, saying he really likes that plush). Through the tutoring, reader struggles to get answers right until Syaoran figures out reader might prefer a different method of taking on the problem. Once the method is introduced, reader is surprisingly good at the subject.

I'm not sure if this prompt is too detailed or not detailed enough. I've never done this before 😅 the gender of the reader isn't too important, any gender you prefer to write is good to me 😊 I hope this is okay.

Sakura, Tomoyo and Shaoran helping an autistic classmate

[ PLATONIC HEADCANONS ]

[ Card Captor Sakura ]

This is a really cute request! Thank you so much dear anon for making it!! >< ❤️💕

Sorry for make you wait so much, I hope you like it!

Since the start of the class year you had been having troubles in class, prefering to keep reserved and even you seems to be uncomfortable

Your classmates always tried to include you in all the activities, but seemed like that just makes you more nervious, so they decided just to let you be, but never really stoped being kind to you

When things got more difficult was with the arrival of the exchange boy, Shaoran Lee, you don't handle changes well, and this was really unexpected, out of the blue, and his serios attitude didn't help

Now it was even more difficult to concentrate in class, you felt like crying out of frustration and despair

Then exam period came, and you eneded getting really bad results, the worst in comparation with the rest of the class, everyone was worried about you, but they decided to don't do anything since they don't wanted to make you feel worst

Sakura was saying Tomoyo how worried she was, she wanted to do something to help you out, that was when Tomoyo bring the idea of tutoring you. Sakura get so excited with the idea that Tomoyo will have to calm her down before she scare you

The next day the girls approach you and Sakura offer you help and you declined, but they weren't going to give up so fast, Tomoyo was the one who ended up convicing you (she have a gift with words)

After school you go to Sakura's house to start tutoring, it become a routine, and for a while you go to her (or Tomoyo's) house to study. Sakura and Tomoyo had the opportunity to know you better, getting to know about autism. They now understand how difficult is for you being in the classroom, so they promise you to help you with that too

You were really happy, they were really kind and patiente with you, they treated you like a friend and always make sure you're confortable even before think to start studing

But no matter how much they try they never seem to manage to help you, you always get distracted by the things in her rooms, especially with Kero (you said that is your favorite plushie, but he swears that you know his secret). Even if it seemed like they don't get results they wasn't planing on give up, actually it was you who ended saying that it was ussless, so you thanked them and just go

Sakura and Tomoyo feel it like the three of you were losing all all the progress you had, thats when Shaoran gets involucrate, they say to him about the problem asking for help, and he bring the plan of different methods of study to find what's the best for you

They explain to him your autism and the difficults you have in class, just to make sure he won't triggered you by accident. They introduce you Shaoran and make sure you become comfortable with him before telling you the new study plan

After you accept once again their help the plan start, going to their house again and try new forms to teach you (may even use the card's power if it help)

Soon all of you find a way to you to learn without much troubles, and even having fun in the process. It became customary to meet to study and that helps all of you have an improve in your school grades and even make easier study

Also, in school you weren't alone anymore since you have them, Sakura, Tomoyo and Shaoran became your friends and they were happy to help you out with everything you need, not just the study, now you could be happy and comfortable im the classroom too

[vaspider]

I honestly have to wonder if the gay assimilationists understand what it's like on the other side. I was raised by Republican Baptists in Texas, homeschooled, heavily involved in youth group, and I was so devastatingly lonely because I could feel in my bones that I didn't fit in, that people liked me on a superficial level but kept me at arm's length because something was wrong with me, because I wasn't good enough, I wasn't like them.

It was only when I found words to describe myself in the queer (and autistic) community that I truly realized for the first time that nothing is wrong with me, that I can be accepted and loved the way I am and I don't have to force myself into a different shape to be good enough. I'd rather die than try to make myself "normal" again.

Like I'm just saying that as someone who grew up brainwashed in right wing ideology, I can't help but think the assimilationists must have no clue what a gift it is to be accepted in your abnormality. What it's like to have normalcy shoved down your throat for years, then finally spit it out and finally be fucking free.

Having broken free, I can't imagine ever trying to force someone else into that cage. I want to smash all the cages, not build new gay-shaped cages.

It's possible, but it's also possible that they come from a background like yours and they're naïve, hopeful, or afraid. Naïve enough to think their families will ever really accept them, hopeful enough to think they really can make a change (and good for them for the hopefulness, truly), or afraid and convinced that they can find safety in conformity.

And look - like - I need to be clear that when I say I'm anti-assimilationist, I don't mean that I think it's morally wrong for queer people to want to live in a nice little house with their spouse and send their kids to a good school and live a tidy, quiet, unbothered life. I think that's a fine and wonderful thing to want, and I think it has to be a fine and wonderful thing to want. I think it's possible to live that life and be in solidarity with other queers. I also think that being gay or trans doesn't mean you owe a movement anything. You don't have to live any particular kind of life, or do any particular thing, to be the right kind of queer.

Really, the only way in my mind to be the wrong kind of gay/queer/trans is to tell someone they're the wrong kind of gay/queer/trans, or to throw other queers under the bus for your own benefit.

So when I talk about assimilationism as a philosophy, and why I think it truly fucks us, I'm not talking about "living in the suburbs" or a certain amount of necessary visibility or radicalism. It's okay to live stealth or to want that quiet life. What's not okay is "you better behave or the cis won't respect us," which is, of course, bullshit, since what's not respectable about us is our queerness.

I watched Halston last night with Emet, and one of the things that really struck me was a scene of a fight between Halston and Elsa Peretti, one of his closest friends and models. They got into a fight at Studio 54, and Halston was being unbelievably cruel to her, and she to him. It was the sort of fight that you can only have with someone who knows you very well when you're both at your very worst.

What did she reach for when she was angry with him and hurt? What was the word she immediately reached for to summarize her disdain for him and his worthlessness, how much she despised him and felt him to be garbage? I'm sure you know.

That scene felt like... so... like I just want to shake people and show them it. Don't you understand? The problem with saying "but I'm one of the good faggots" is to them, you're still just a faggot, and they won't let you forget it when the chips are down. Who cares if you're a good faggot or a bad faggot? The reason you deserve civil rights and a life lived in peace is because you're human, not because you've managed to be a good enough and worthy enough person to earn off your faggotry. You can't escape them thinking that about you. You might as well own it and demand your rights anyway, because you're a person.