#i know other songs are missing because my 101st song has been bumped up to become my 96th?

[please-dont-pet-the-okapi]

Are songs disappearing off of anyone else’s 2022 Spotify Wrapped playlists, or is that just me?

[marvelmymarvel]

Guilt

Ronald Speirs x Sergeant!Marshall!Reader

Synopsis: You were tired of the back and forth that Ron played with your fragile heart. He liked you one minute and then ignored you the next. So you decided to make his life a living hell. 

Based on the song: Guilt by Nero (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1ATFedwjnk) Please listen to it while reading!! You will fully get the angst here.

A/N: I silenced my worries of this not being good enough and just went for it. Hope you like it :)

Hot and cold. Day and night. Black and white. That's what loving Ronald Speirs was like. Some days you’d share passionate kisses and loving words, while other days he ignored you and claimed that what you were doing was ‘against the rules’. 

Bull fucking shit. 

He seemed to forget who you were, more importantly, who your father was. You got away with more things than any other regular private. And that was just it, you weren't even a regular private. You were one of the best Seargants in Easy company and on top of that, you were the badest female that the soldiers had ever seen. You could take mud and bullets, hell you could even handle some gore that some medics couldn't deal with. You were just. 

Special.

So him treating you like anything but that made you angry. You were Y/N Marshall, your daddy was top dog in the Army and everyone knew it. You walked with confidence and pride, you were a woman and everyone would know it. You weren't ashamed of the fact that most women your age were back home and being submissive to their husbands. Oh no, you were anything BUT submissive. However, you were submissive when it came to him. 

Ronald Speirs. First, he was the Lieutenant of Dog, now he was the Lieutenant of Easy and was the only man that could make you submit to his every will. Which is where the issues came in. He never meant to make you feel worthless, but it always came off that way. The main problem was though, was that you didn't stand up for yourself when it came to him.

You just took it. 

Not anymore. You had enough of him being hot and cold all while reminding you how you were going against the rules and overstepping your boundaries. He was the one that held you at night, he was the one that pulled you away to make out. He was the one. 

But not anymore. 

You would start it off slow with simple disrespectful tones and snarky looks, things that would make him glare at you for a second but continue on with his life. Then you would change it to snappy remarks that would certainly cut deep. Finally, you'd get to the physical, aka bumping shoulders with him and doing other things that would most certainly get a sergeant demoted very quickly. But not you. This continued for a while, and you got many talks from Winters about disrespectful actions. 

But you never got demoted and you were always let go with just a warning. They couldn’t touch you. No one could touch you. At least, you thought no one could, especially Ron. Acting the way that you were made him go quiet and it made you feel even more powerful as you once again took control of yourself. That was of course until Ron had enough.

It was a hot day and the heat was getting to everyone. You should have known to stop the bitching, but it was so ingrained into your brain by now that it only felt right. Ron was sitting at his desk when you knocked on the door to deliver some papers. All of the 101st was pulled back to England for a quick breather and instead of running bullets to your soldiers, you were now running errands. 

“Come in” Ron called out, not bothering to look up from his small stack of papers that surely held plans for the next mission. Opening the door, you stepped in before closing it behind you. Straightening yourself up, you walked over to his desk and stood there waiting for him to acknowledge you. After a couple seconds of him still reading, you let out a scoff before throwing down the papers in front of him. “God if I wanted you to ignore me this much I would just go back to being your girlfriend” you snarled out before turning to leave. 

You didn't get far though as the chair scratched against the floor and his hand grabbed your wrist tightly before ripping you back around. Your body stumbled into the desk and his other hand caught your waist as he held your wrist up to his shoulder. “Enough of this foolish bullshit Y/n” he snarled into your face with a force that made your knees go to jelly. He could hurt you, he wouldn't though. He loved you way too much, whether you believed that or not was up to you. His grip scared you, but the next words forming in your throat seemed to say otherwise. 

“I deserve somebody who gives a shit.” You snarled as you brought your free hand up to shake in his face. He snapped his other hand up and grabbed the shaking wrist so that you were constrained. “I DO GIVE A SHIT” he screamed down at you as his grip tightened, your collected demeanor fell and fear began to fill your bones as you realized who was in charge here. And it wasn't you. He was taller, stronger, and knew how to kill. Your lip quivered as he kept screaming down at you about how stupid you were acting, not realizing that your cocky demeanor had changed to one of pure and utter fear. You knew he wouldn't hurt you, but at the moment, the thought wasn't comforting. “Why don't you love me enough to keep me” you whispered out finally, causing him to stop screaming all together and to just stare at you. His hard eyes softened and he let go of your wrists shamefully. He plopped down into his chair and rubbed his face anxiously, he didn't like the man that he had become. He was supposed to protect you, not hurt you like this. 

He didn't mean to lose his cool, but you were being so hurtful and cold, he had to get it to you that he had feelings too. “I love you enough to let you go because I am not the man that you deserve”. His words were softer than his earlier grip, but they hurt all the same. “You’re everything I deserve” you whispered back into the stale air. He laughed darkly but it wasn't directed at you as he looked at his hands. 

“I fucking hurt you baby girl... I can't live with myself knowing that I hurt-”

“I hurt you too” you interjected before going around the desk and grabbing his hands with yours. His eyes raised to yours as you straddled his hips and sat on his lap. “I physically hurt you-” he whimpered out as he flipped his hands and examined your wrists. In reality, he hardly gripped you, but at the moment it felt like a death grip. It wouldn't bruise though, and considering that he has gripped you harder during intimate acts, this was nothing. “I trust you... I know you would never hurt me physically-”

“But emotionally” he declared finally as he lifted his hands to cup your face, you didn't know what to say to that, because he was right. He hurt you in so many ways, but you still loved him. His thumbs brushed along your cheeks as all of his walls fell down for you to see the real him. “I love you and the reason I pushed you away was because I didn't want to lose you... But losing you always hurts more” he choked out as his eyes became watery and his throat closed a little. Seeing you in pain hurt him more than a bullet, sometimes he wished he would rather receive a bullet. You saw this finally as you reached your hands up to grab his. Pulling them down, you pressed your lips against his fingers and knuckles lovingly. 

“No man makes me feel the way you do Ron” you muttered out as you intertwined your fingers with his. “And I’m sorry for my bitchy attitude. Its been hard without you, I wanted to try and forget, but I only hurt you in the process” you whispered out solemnly while searching his face for something, anything. 

A soft smile cracked onto his lips as he pulled his hands from yours. You looked at him in confusion but he only shook his head as his smile grew. “I guess we are even now” he stated as his hand slid to your waist while the other went to the back of your neck.

“What-”

You tried to state but his lips slammed onto yours as he pulled you down for a kiss. The kiss was deep and full of love, it was something you had missed for the past 3 months. His fingers gripped onto your skin as if you would disappear if he didn't and your hips ground down onto his possessively. “I love you” you whimpered out against his lips and he only smiled up at you lovingly, “Not as much as I love you sweetheart” he affirmed finally before pulling you back down for a sweeter and softer kiss. A kiss that made you fall in love with him all over again. He was yours. 

Hot and cold.

Day and night.

Black and white. 

Ronald Speirs was yours, and he always would be. 

Tags:

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