#i knew my mom's long-term on and off boyfriend was a dick but HOLY FUCK

[billgenbrough]

The audacity of some men

[softholand]

racing heart - t.h

pairing: driver!tom x reader

warnings: angst, swearing, fluff, probably some wrong formula one terms

words: 1.7k

a/n: holy shit!! it’s finally here!!! i honestly had this ideia since those pictures of tom in silverstone came out and now i finally did it!! it’s my first time writing something that’s not in my first language so, please, go ease on me!! i wanna thank @definitely-not-black-cat for being my beta reader and proofreading this for me, i love you summer 💛 that’s it, please let me know what you guys think!!

The sun was shining bright on the streets of Silverstone. The high temperature was making you sweat and your clothes stick to your body. There was no denying, you hated the heat. It made your skin feel like it was on fire and all you wanted to do was jump on a pool. But, you promised your boyfriend that you’d be here for him today, knowing how important this race was for him. So, you put your hatred towards the weather aside and went into the boxes to see how he was doing.

You had met Tom at one of the many formula one races that your dad, being one of the sponsors, made you come and immediately fell in love. I mean, how could you not? The boy was everything you ever wanted, sweet, funny, handsome and treated you like a fucking queen. That’s why you accepted his invitation for dinner that night two years ago and well, here you are.

“Hey y/n!” Harrison, Tom’s best friend and also one of the members of his team, was the first to greet you at the boxes.

“Hi Haz! Everything ready?” You questioned, always wanting to make sure everything was perfect before the race.

“Yes, everything’s ready, boss!” He said, knowing you hated being called that.

“Oh, shut up!” You said with a wave of your hand. “Where is he?” You asked your blonde friend.

“In his room. Said he was going to rest for a bit before the race.” Harrison explained, pointing to one of the many rooms in the back.

“Ok, thanks Haz!” You thanked him, before taking a cold drink that was in one of the coolers and making your way to the room.

When you entered, Tom was laying down on the sofa, already in his overalls, casually scrolling through social media. Putting your drink aside, you made your way to the sofa and put your hands on top of his eyes, making him chuckle.

“I know it's you, y/n!” He said taking your hands in his and kissing your knuckles.

“How? You were so focused on your phone that you didn’t even hear me coming.” You asked, making your way around the sofa.

“Your hands are soft and the guys would never even try to do this.” Tom answered, tugging on your hand and making you sit on his lap.

“God, I love air conditioning! I was sweating outside.” You complained, playing with the curls sticking out of his pink hat.

“I can make you sweat here too!” Tom muttered, squeezing your ass and making you groan.

“Tom, focus on the race!” You groaned, sadly taking his hands off of your body.

“I’m focused!” He insisted, pressing his lips to yours in a quick kiss.

“Tom, I’m serious! How are you feeling?” You asked, knowing how important this race was for him.

“Excited?! Nervous, for sure! My whole family is here today.” Tom let it out, taking a deep breath.

“I know, baby! But you’re going to smash this.” You stated, making him smile.

“I love you!” He said, taking your face in his hands and kissing you.

With no one stopping you, you deepened the kiss even more, putting your tongue into his mouth, making him groan and squeeze your hips. You could feel your boyfriend getting harder underneath you, but you couldn’t find in yourself to pull away from him. Thankfully, Harrison came into the door, making a disgusted noise at the sight.

“Oh, c’mon you two! The warm-up lap is about to start.” The blonde boy informed the couple, who laughed at their friend. Tom thanked him and said he was going to be out in a sec.

“C’mon, you gotta run, driver!” You said before kissing him one last time, finally dragging him out.

Outside, the higher temperature greeted you back, but there was no time to complain, since Tom had to get in his car for the lap. Before putting his helmet on, you made sure to wish him good luck one last time, securing the equipment on his head. And like every single race, you gave his helmet a kiss, this had started unintentionally but had quickly become a tradition.

“I love you! Good luck!” You shouted, before making your way to sit with Tom’s family. They all greeted you back and asked how he was doing. You said he was a little nervous but mostly excited for the race and then you all got ready to watch.

After the warm-up lap, all of the cars assembled on the starting grid in the order they qualified, waiting for the red lights to indicate the start of the race. Tom had done amazing the day before and started the race in first place, giving him a lot of advantage over his competitors. And he was also doing amazing today, keeping his position and not letting the others get too close. That was until a quick pit stop, when he wasn’t fast enough to come back and ended up losing his position.

Tom's family and you tensed, knowing how frustrated he got when something like that happened, but you guys also stayed confident that he could easily get his position back, which thankfully didn’t take long to happen. Back in first place, Tom kept his position and it really started to look like he was going to make it, he was going to win this race. You were so happy, his brothers were cheering and his mom was talking to you about how proud she was when it happened. On one of the last turns, he lost control of his car and got out of the track, leaving room for another three cars to pass him until he could make it back to the race, making him come in fourth place.

Back in the boxes, he got out of his car, took his helmet off and threw it away, almost hitting one member of his team. You could see that Harrison tried to talk to him, but you knew that he wasn’t going to. Tom could be an incredible driver but he didn’t know how to lose. You quickly excused yourself from his family and made your way into the boxes and just when you were getting close, you heard his shouting.

“I told you guys that type of tire wouldn’t work with this temperature!!! I fucking told you!!!!” He screamed, throwing on the floor what was on the table. “How many times do I have to say something for you guys to understand and do what I fucking said?” He shouted once again, before making his way to one of the rooms and slamming the door shut.

Once you got there, Tom was nowhere to be found. But the sight in front of you, made you certain that he had been there. There was stuff everywhere, bottles of champagne, that were once meant to celebrate, were smashed on the floor, his helmet, the one you kissed so many times before, was broken in half and the expression on his team’s faces was of pure frustration.

“What happened?” You asked, already knowing the answer.

“Got pissed, screamed, smashed everything.” Tyler, one of the members of his team said.

“Where is he?” You said, wanting to at least try to talk to him.

“His room, won’t let anyone in.” One of the other guys answered.

Your eyes immediately connect with Harrison’s blue ones and with a little tilt of his head, he lets you know, even without words, that you needed to talk to Tom. With a nod, you made your way to his room, quickly closing the door behind you.

“I said I don’t want to talk to anyone!” Tom grumbled.

“But you will!” You said, crossing your arms.

“Please y/n, not now!” He said, barely even looking at you.

“Yes Tom, now! Listen to me, you don’t get to do this, ok? You don’t get to act like a dick with your team. It wasn’t just you that lost today, they lost too.” You told him, feeling your blood boil.

“Fuck! I know, alright? I’m just... frustrated!” Tom blurted, threading his fingers through his hair.

“I know that, but they’re out there now, feeling even more frustrated than you, because besides losing, they had to tolerate you being an asshole with them.” You said, getting closer to him.

“Fuck! I’m— I’m sorry, y/n! I shouldn’t, fuck, I shouldn’t have shouted, I’m sorry!” Tom muttered, making his way to you. “I just... my family is here, I— I let them down.” Your boyfriend let it out, with tearful eyes, making you immediately hug him.

“Baby, don’t say that! Hey, look at me, you didn’t let them down, you didn’t let anyone down. We are so incredibly proud of you for everything you achieved, you know that!” You told him, rubbing his back.

“I— I just wanna go home!” Tom pouted, looking into your eyes.

“Alright! But you have to talk to your team first, ok? Then we can go home!” You stated, seeing him nod.

With his hands on your back, he pulled you close and kissed you, and yeah, maybe what he did earlier was wrong and maybe he tasted a little like sweat, but the moment his lips met yours, you were long gone.

“I love you, thanks for... you know... everything!” Tom said, making you chuckle.

“I love you too! And don’t mention it, that’s why I’m here.” You blinked, kissing his lips.

With his hand clutched in yours, Tom apologized to his team for his behavior and thanked them for all their hard work. Before you leave, Harrison gave you a grateful smile, which you reciprocate. Outside the boxes, Tom’s family was waiting for him with big smiles and open arms. His mom was the first person he hugged, followed by his dad and lastly, his brothers.

“We’re really proud of you, son! Never forget that!” His mother said, kissing his cheek.

His parents tried to make you guys accept an invitation for lunch but Tom wasn’t having it, he said he was not feeling well and promised his mom they’ll reschedule. You knew he was fine, he just wanted to go home and lay in bed with you, cuddle and watch something stupid, until his anger and frustration wears out and to be honest, you’ll be more than happy to do that for him.

tagging some of my mutuals: @definitely-not-black-cat @stuckonspidey @soft-haz @screamholland @hazinhoodies @tomhollandd @tomhollandthing @peeterparkr @uglypastels @myfinalwords @bi-writes @fanficparker @wazzupmrstark

[theredraccoon]

A Desperate Proposal - Ch 4

Simon never thought that he would be the guy that needed a prenup to get married. That was for rich people with yachts and assholes who didn’t think that marriage meant sharing and compromise. He’d always envisioned something pretty simple: his mom and sister, a chuppah, a ketubah, a person of indeterminate gender underneath it who loved him. Jewish weddings were actually remarkably straightforward.

In sharp contrast to that lovely, hazy vision of a wedding that would now, sadly, never be reality, Simon had been confronted with a stack of paper a solid two inches high, which contained the initial contract that the Shadowhunters had sent over. Simon knew that political weddings were always nightmares and that there was a lot more in that stack than just wedding vows, but holy shit, there were so many details and such a short amount of time to absorb them. 

Raphael had explained that the timeline for the marriage contracts had been the first order of business after the initial Alliance had been agreed upon, with Shadowhunters actively pushing for a quick turnaround. The Downworlders had two days to review this first contract and submit changes to the Clave and then the Shadowhunters had an additional two days to respond. After that, each party had only a day to make final small alterations and nothing substantial could be significantly altered. And then on the seventh day, instead of resting, Simon would be getting married. 

Sighing, Simon rubbed his forehead and tried to refocus, shifting on the exceedingly cushy chair. It seemed that Magnus had anticipated them sitting down for eight million years during the negotiations and had thought ahead about comfortable seating. Or maybe the chairs in Pandemonium’s conference rooms were always hedonistic; that would definitely be in keeping with Magnus’ personality. 

The High Warlock himself seemed to be just as bored as Simon, rings flashing as he covered his face to hide a small yawn, red silk brocade catching the light from the chandelier. Simon felt his lips curl up as he remembered the man’s pout when he, Raphael, their secretary James, and Magnus had entered early that evening and had found the Seelie Queen, Meliorn, and another unnamed Seelie already sitting at the head of a long rectangular table. Magnus had immediately frowned and waved a hand and the table had instantly rearranged itself to be perfectly circular. It gave off a distinct ‘King Arthur and his Knights’ vibe and seemed to piss off the Queen, so it was probably the right move. 

By the time everyone had filed in, there were twelve of them around the shiny round table, each contingent sending their leader, their second (usually the one getting married off, like Simon) and a secretary/notary/lawyer-type person whose job it was to sit there and take notes. That’s what Simon had initially thought, anyway, but he was rapidly revising that opinion as he listened to the Seelie secretary argue with the warlock representative about… flowers? The position of Mercury the night of the wedding? Simon had long lost the thread of the conversation. He thought longingly about his imaginary dream wedding, with his sister’s gentle teasing and his mother fluttering around worrying about food. Simon grimaced, now thinking about his future husband’s reaction to the wedding feast including blood. Would they even have dinner afterwards? He couldn't remember. Simon eyed the stack of paper. He thought maybe it had grown in the last hour since he last looked at it. 

A sharp slap on the glossy wood stopped the speakers mid-word and made everyone except the three people directly opposite Simon startle. 

“Enough. This wedding minutiae is what tomorrow and all the damn lawyers and diplomats are for. We should be talking not about the wedding itself but the marriages and what they actually mean for all of us.” The irritated words came from the strikingly beautiful Black woman that headed the New York pack of werewolves. 

Maia Roberts had been the pack leader for the last three years, ever since she’d gotten fed up with the previous alpha and challenged him for control. Apparently he’d been quite the dick. She’d been a positive force since, her no-nonsense attitude smoothing out some of the longstanding hatred between the wolves and the vampires, and some of Simon’s accounting headaches had disappeared when she took over. Turns out when there are fewer fights and fewer things constantly being broken, your expenses went down. Simon might have even tried to make a play for her one day, he was that relieved (and she was that gorgeous) but it was out of the question now. 

Anyway... Everyone around the table was alert now, and Simon could see a frightening gleam in the Seelie Queen’s eyes. She was masquerading as an older matriarch today, her flower crown nestled in dark curls piled high on her head and just the hints of lines on her face. Simon thought she looked like she'd walked straight out of Downton Abbey. 

"And what do you suggest we talk about then, Ms. Roberts?” The Queen’s tone was curious, her voice rich and smooth and somehow girlish, which was jarring coming from someone who looked a little like a grandmother. The Faerie was a mystery box that Simon had no interest in unpacking. 

“Let’s talk about what these alliances will mean in both the present and the future. What are Downworld responsibilities in terms of patrols and helping the Shadowhunters? Right now and after we defeat whatever the fuck is killing them? How many of our people are we going to have to put forward and potentially lose? What is the role of the couples themselves? Are they figureheads? Propped up for all to see with no other real purpose? Or are we actually going to try and see if we can use them to build better relationships with the Shadowhunters?”

Simon was sitting up straight now. Around the table, the other future grooms were also leaning forward. Magnus’ fingers were sparking ever-so-slightly, Meliorn's eyes had actually fully opened where before they’d been hooded, and Luke’s jaw was tight and his shoulders set back.  

A bitter laugh came from Magnus’ right, where his second, Lorenzo Rey, sat. Simon hadn’t met him before and honestly, from the look of him, that was probably fine. Where Magnus’ clothes made him seem fun and eccentric and flashy, Lorenzo’s finery just made him seem snooty and ostentatious. He stared at Maia down his long nose and said, “You don’t know your history very well, young wolf. The Clave might be panicking right now but as soon as they get through this crisis, it will be back to the same; we are regulated to the fringes and we are supposed to be eternally grateful for their help. There will be nothing long term that comes from this, no matter what this contract pretends to say.” The sneer was pronounced. 

Simon watched Magnus bristle and puff up, probably in defense of his boyfriend, er, fiancé, but he was cut off by an unexpected source. Raphael hadn’t moved a muscle since the contract negotiations had started hours ago, besides a faint twitch when Maia had pounded on the table, but he spoke clearly now. “I disagree. I think the time is ripe for change and that the Lightwoods are actually committed to using this disaster to change the way Shadowhunters interact with the Downworld. Alec Lightwood has shown himself to be an honorable man in my dealings with him. I say that we should discuss what is possible and put it into the contract to return to the Nephilim tomorrow.”

Lorenzo leaned forward and put his hands flat on the table. “Ah, yes. The Lightwoods. Before I even address the futility of what you’re saying, can someone please explain to me why the Clave only put forth Lightwoods as marriage prospects? Especially considering Maryse Lightwood’s… history.” 

This time the response came from Luke; the quiet, even tone intimately familiar to Simon. He rubbed absently at his wrist. Their relationship since Clary’s death, Simon’s Turning, and the revelation that Luke was a werewolf had been turbulent to say the least. But ultimately he was still the same man that Simon remembered being such a large presence in his childhood and the need to listen closely to what Luke was saying was strong. 

“Maryse committed terrible crimes during her time with Valentine and the Circle. So did I. No one denies that. In the twenty years since Valentine was defeated though, she has actively worked to make amends. She has her faults, to be sure, but we are all capable of change. If nothing else, look at her children— Alec, who reached out to us, instead of just demanding our help, and Isabelle, who has already been doing her part to help Shadowhunter-Downworld, uh, relations.” 

A small amused titter ran through the group. Simon shifted in his chair, uncomfortable. He knew that Luke probably hadn’t meant it that way, but sometimes the misogyny of the Downworld smacked him in the face. Too many beings in this room were born in a time where laughing at women who slept with others was acceptable. Simon opened his mouth but before he could say anything, Magnus chimed in, and took the conversation in a different direction. 

“Before she married Robert Lightwood, Maryse was a Trueblood, one of the oldest and most powerful families in the Clave. She is a political creature at heart and she is still very well connected. Her words, in spite of, or maybe because of, her history, hold sway in Alicante. And Jace Lightwood, before he was adopted into the family, was a Wayland, another important lineage. Michael Wayland was earning a reputation as a master weapons maker before Valentine killed him. I think his son still carries one of his swords. So they may all be Lightwoods, yes, but they have reach and power. Raphael is right; if we can make these marriages actually mean something then the Downworld has a chance to be heard for the first time in centuries. We need to try.” Magnus’ voice was firm and unyielding.

Simon cleared his throat and jumped in; he actually had knowledge here. “The contract states that Downworlders will be responsible for joining Shadowhunter patrols from now until whenever they are able to restore their numbers to their previous level. So, like, probably at least fifty years? At least a generation or two, depending on how many kids they produce at a time. And they propose that the couples act as liaisons between the Downworld and the Clave, working together to solve disputes that come up, which I think will be really useful. Living arrangements are trickier though.” By the time he finished, Simon found himself the focus of eleven different sets of eyes. 

He shifted uncomfortably and then rolled his eyes. “I’m sorry, did no one else do the reading? I mean, I know there were way too many boring details in there about the exact cut of suit we’ll all be wearing, but there were actually some good ideas buried in that crap.” 

Under the table, Raphael’s knee was suddenly pressing against Simon’s, even though his outward expression didn’t change. Simon knew what it meant though, and silently preened at the approval from his Sire.

The werewolf secretary, a hulking fellow with shaggy blond hair, cleared his throat and said, in a surprisingly pleasant voice, “The vampire is right; we are all required to help the Shadowhunters with patrols only until they recover. Maia has a point though, we have room to negotiate what our involvement will be in the future. The other three couples besides us involve immortals. The werewolf commitment might involve multiple generations but to Seelies and vampires, fifty years is nothing. So you should think about what will happen after your Shadowhunters die. The language is pretty ambiguous, I think they are waiting for our response. It’s also really vague on kids.”

“There will be no offspring from these unions.” The Seelie Queen’s words were swift and hard. She was sitting rigidly in her chair, tension obvious. Simon’s eyes flickered to Meliorn and it was clear that he was also holding himself deliberately still. Simon wondered how the Knight actually felt about marrying the woman he was already sleeping with. He was also self-aware enough to realize that he was focusing hard on the Seelie’s reaction in order to not dwell on the idea of having children himself. 

Simon’s internal freakout was stopped by Magnus’ equally fast and firm words. “There might not be children from the marriage between your subject and his wife but the language should stay ambiguous. The Downworld might be aligned on many things but we are not a monolith and your words are not law. Who agrees with me?”

“I do.” Luke’s words were clearly symbolic but Simon caught the grateful glance that Magnus threw him.

Simon swallowed hard but said, “I do as well.” 

Magnus knocked his knuckles on the wood of the table. “It’s settled, the language about children stays. Your conversations with Meliorn are your own, Your Majesty.” The Queen was glaring daggers at the Warlock but he blithely ignored her, and continued, “I do know that Shadowhunters take their marriage vows seriously in terms of adultery, even in arranged marriages, but there is no requirement that the marriage itself be consummated to be valid and binding.” As the only one who hadn’t even met their future spouse, much less had sex with them, Simon could feel how the others at the table avoided looking at him, but thankfully Magnus just kept rolling. “The marriages and that restriction on outside affairs ends with the death of the Shadowhunter though,” a dark shadow passed over Magnus’ face and Simon felt a surge of sympathy knowing his feelings for Alec, “as do our roles as liaisons, unless we decide to change that.”

Simon didn’t often think about his immortality, for good reason; it scared the shit out of him to think about being in his twenties for millenia unless something killed him off first. Contemplating watching his husband grow old and die while he didn’t added a whole ‘nother layer of fucked up to this situation. Simon wanted to run away from this whole thing and anger and frustration choked his throat and he could feel his fangs trying to descend as he lost control over his emotions. 

A cold hand wrapped around the fist he hadn’t realized he’d made and then Raphael addressed the table, saying quietly, “Why don’t we break for lunch. When we return we can hammer out the details of the liaison positions and the living arrangements for the couples. Then we can continue with the other main points of the contract.”

Magnus stood instantly and made his way over to the bar set up on the far side of the room, reaching for a martini glass with one hand and a bottle with the other. At least he’d have company in his misery, thought Simon bitterly. They should set up some kind of club. Shadowhunter Husbands In It Together. SHIIT for short. Sounded about right. Simon sighed.

The others were starting to get up and move around the conference room, although the Seelie Queen was having a heated discussion with Meliorn in whispers, while the other Seelie sat there with an inscrutable look on his face. Simon got up and made his way over to the fridge at the other end of the bar from where Magnus was sitting, opening it to grab a bag of O negative. The other two vampires had followed him so he pulled out two more and looked around for some glasses. He found some fancy highball ones and got busy pouring, letting his hands take over while trying to clear his mind. James, who Simon barely knew because the older vampire had always treated him with a silent sort of awe, thanked him quietly and then fled to one of the armchairs set up in another corner. 

Raphael stayed though, and together they watched the other people in the room mill around, most of whom had scattered themselves around the large area, although the werewolves were still a tight knot. Simon’s Sire took a small sip of blood from his cup. “Do you want to meet Jace Lightwood before the wedding? There is still time to do that.” Simon opened his mouth and then closed it a second later, taking a gulp from his own glass instead. Raphael shifted and said, “There is also still time to put my name in before the Clave instead, although you will have to take over as Clan leader.”

Simon startled so hard that the heavy, viscous liquid actually sloshed out over his hand and he swore and put the cup down on the bar before sticking his fingers in his mouth. Raphael watched him fumble, staying still in the way that only an undead vampire could do. 

“No. No, I won’t ask you to do that. The Clan needs you, I’d be a terrible leader, I know you’ve said that the other vampires would follow me but I definitely don’t want them to do that, they are all eight hundred years old and don’t understand any of my references and it would be a complete disaster and I’d run the Clan straight into the ground in like, a year, and you would be so mad at me and it’s just a terrible idea. No, I’ll marry this Jace person and hopefully he’s not a raging asshole and we can get along and we’ll figure out whoever is murdering Shadowhunters and we’ll murder the fuck out of them instead. And no, I don’t want to meet him before the wedding, I’ve done so much research on arranged marriages— do you know it’s still incredibly popular in the Mundane world? I totally thought it had gone out of style but apparently not— and most of the feedback from married couples that made it work is to let yourself be surprised at the altar and see your spouse at their finest and best and then you have a really great first impression of them and it’s better to do that instead. Yeah. So I’ll meet him in a week.” Simon finally made himself stop talking and drained his cup of blood instead, feeling the metal in it coat his throat and settle in his stomach.  

Raphael was wearing his “Simon Face” again but only said, “All right, Simon. We’ll keep things the way they are. I’m going to talk to Magnus before we keep going.” 

Simon bobbed his head, not daring to open his mouth again, and he watched Raphael glide down the bar to where the warlock was on his second drink. He knew how deeply Raphael cared for his friend and Simon hoped that he would have some comforting words for a man who was clearly already deeply in love with the Shadowhunter he was marrying. 

Putting the empty glass back onto the bar, Simon thought about the articles and blog posts he’d read from people in arranged marriages. There had only been a few actual horror stories, thankfully, and most had just been about how to live with another person comfortably even if you weren’t in love with them. There were a few entries though that stood out, shining examples of couples who talked about how the person they married ended up being their soulmate, someone they couldn’t imagine being without. Simon knew that his situation was much more complicated than most, but—  

He could hope, right?

[dimples-of-discontent]

Love, Necromancy, Cocks, and the Reanimated Corpse of Compulsory Heterosexuality: Watching Notes for 14x06

Oh my goodness this episode was pure fucking delight!! Is there a member of the NextGen writers’ room who isn’t binging wall-to-wall fanfic as inspiration? I mean, this even began as a library AU for crying out loud! I love these people and I love what they’re doing and they managed to do something I thought was impossible...not mind that this is our third episode in a row without Cas. We even got a nice lil’ shoutout to meta writers as Sam illustrated for Charlie why she was like the flyman and she gently insisted that, although Sam did have a point, she was not, to be clear, actually the same as flyman. (This will not stop me from proceeding with my flyman-type readings though. But thanks, Yockey!)

So obviously this was an episode about love and....love as we could tell from the tagline, “the things we do for love” and the title, “Optimism.” I’m sorry to say, though, that I ended up feeling that both those things were a setup for some very dark times indeed that are a-comin’! *rocks chair* *sips moonshine* We just learned from the PR that 14x08 will be an episode in which Cas makes an “enormous sacrifice.” And, well, there are only a few options for that at this point. I’ll talk more about it in a sec, but I think “the things we do for love” is pretty clear foreshadowing of not precisely what he’ll do but why he’ll do it. 

So anyway, here are some bullet-point-type rambles about things I noticed immediately post-episode. If I have time I might get to expand on them but, the way my time has been lately, it’s a lot more likely that they’ll stay rambly and informal. Still, feel free to pick up and toss around/expand on whatever appeals!

Necromancers - it’s not real love if it’s dead: I reblogged the lovely @mittensmorgul already being smart as usual about the connection between this and last season’s Yockey treat “Various and Sundry Villains” but I thought of it the moment I saw Harper because she looked so very much like the Plum sisters--you remember, the codependent ladies who put a love spell on Dean to steal a book and then tried to raise their mom from the dead only to have it lead to their demise at each other’s hands. Harper mentions that she’s from a long line of necromancers and, well, seems pretty plausible to me. Where the Plum sisters brought back their mom, though, Harper is looking to bring back her man (or men, if Jack is her next target) to stay with her forever. 

Just as the Plum sisters showed an unhealthy model of parent-child and sibling-sibling relationships that was allegorically appropriate to the Winchesters, Harper shows an unhealthy model of what a relationship is or could be. The Plums were unwilling to let their dead mother (or each other) go, clinging with slavish devotion to the idea of getting her, and their normal life, back. Instead of having real relationships, they cast love spells and sacrificed men (read: any possibility of a non-familial partner) to sustain it. Harper may have had a good enough relationship with Vance to start, who knows?, but she was unwilling to let him go in much the same way the Plums couldn’t let their mother die. He wanted to leave the town that she was tied to because of her family and her family business (necromancy). And instead of adhering to the idea that if you love something you should let it go she killed him and brought him back to participate in a kind of love that literally fed on other people to keep it going. Harper kept him against his will, forcing him to fit into her life in a way that required sacrificing innocent lives and kept her from being able to move on.

In both cases? It’s not love if it’s dead. Let it go.

My boyfriend’s back and you’re gonna be in trouble: Anyone else remember that uber-terrible 90s movie where a girl’s boyfriend came back as a zombie? No? I didn’t see it, but I recall seeing the preview in a theater and that it had a scene where they were making out and his ear fell off and it HORRIFIED me since I’d barely even heard of making out at that point. Anyway, I bet you anything Steve Yockey saw that movie which was called “my boyfriend’s back.” Harper has too many interested men, actually, which is the source of her “terrible luck” and being “perpetually single.” So, just to be clear, someone who says she’s “perpetually single” (and ready to mingle?) and has “terrible luck” with relationships is actually in a secret long-term relationship with her first love who she killed (all relationships have their issues!) and brought back from the dead as a supernatural creature who is terribly possessive of her. She wasn’t just single with terrible luck she actually had her boyfriend back!

Now, it’s not a 1-to-1 Destiel parallel and I’m not saying it is. This isn’t a flyman situation. But it’s suggestive of it anyway because all Harper’s “bad luck” with romance actually has a pretty simple explanation. She’s already in a relationship. So, uh, Dean you having some trouble there? Not finding any relationships that will stick? People you show affection for maybe keep dying? Try this explanation on for size. 

Like a romance novel: Again, I’m not suggesting this is all 1-to-1. But following up on these other two points I’d like to point out how Harper and Vance are stereotypical of a certain kind of “first love”. They met in high school. He was a football player she was the prom queen everything was going great. Then he wanted to leave and expand their lives and she wanted to keep everything the same. So she killed him. To keep everything the same. To combat change and the unfamiliar. So that instead what she got was the familiar, reanimated and always consuming everyone around her, living when it manifestly shouldn’t. They’re a romance novel gone wrong. A heterosexual romance novel gone wrong. Because Vance, “Archie,” is a certain kind of all-American guy. 

And if you think there wasn’t some kind of symbolic resonance to the reanimated corpse of All-American masculinity beating Dean up after he got clobbered with a shelf full or romance novels, well, think again. And then Vance just...decided Dean wasn’t a threat. He just walks off and leaves him and we’re left going ??? until we learn that he’s after Jack and that, because he sees Jack as a more viable romantic threat than Dean, he needs to pursue him. Dean was judged by the specter of toxic masculinity (or compulsory heterosexuality) and found wanting. That’s kind of big, guys.

Dick’s diner (love them, uh, Roosters): You guys, the monster knew that even sweet lil’ cinnamon roll Jack is more heterosexual than Dean is right now. Jack’s the one asking (repeatedly) about sex and Dean’s the one (repeatedly) not talking about it. He’s all business with the waitress, even when she tells Jack that “sometimes you just have the sex,” and even though he’s spouting a lot of wisdom about love (as someone who has obviously read one billion romance novels for “research purposes”) he’s not saying anything about what women want in the bedroom (or wherever else they want it). Even the diner, canonically the site of all Dean’s hookups with a no-bullshit waitress who explicitly mentions sex is filled with cocks. Just...cocks everywhere. And, yeah, Dean’s going to touch some of those cocks. He can’t really help it when they’re just everywhere. And he’s NOT going to make any time for a classic diner hookup. He’s just...gonna keep staring at those cocks. (I know they are about Richard Speight directing--and certainly the diner name is a reference to that--but there is no way it’s not also about cocks. And also I make no apologies for my sense of humor here. Cocks are funny and they’ll always be funny. The end.)

Let’s give ‘em something to talk about....how about love? Whew! You know who wants to talk about love? Dean Winchester. Kudos to Jensen because I felt that any conversation that had the L-word going on was heavy with Things Unsaid. Dean distracting Zombie Archie by trying to talk to him about what love really is but stopping short just after saying “that’s not what love is...c’mon, think about it” but before saying what it was instead? Dean saying that people do a lot crazier things for love (see my long crack rant about just what those kind of things might be DEAN)? I was legitimately kind of prepared for Jack to ask Dean a question about love and Dean to give a revealing answer that allowed Jack to serve as a GA proxy and go “Holy shit! You love Castiel!”. 

But hey, next week they’re apparently going to road trip to Vegas and Jack is going to drive the Impala (BEFORE CAS??? BLASPHEMY!!) so maybe there’s still going to be some time to callback to Sam’s Vegas wedding and how you know you want to marry someone. 

My apologies to Sam and Charlie, whose plotline I did very much enjoy, but I’ve tired myself out. This was pure joy and I feel happy and well fed and, well, optimistic...which can only mean dark times to come because nothing good ever happens on SPN. Take care, lovelies, and stay away from necromancy!

[redytofucknow-blog]

A Christmas to Remember

Frank and Olivia had a wonderful marriage. It was so great Olivia decided to share it with Roberto, Sal, and Ox. She wanted dick all the time, and Frank was no match for her sexual needs. So she got what she needed from three men and her husband. Frank was totally unaware of her trysts. Olivia, a raven haired, buxom temptress, had dark brown eyes, dark brown nipples, that seemingly protruded through bras, shirts, even sweaters! She wore yoga pants so tight, you could read her lips, her labia lips, as she did not wear underwear! Men's eyes, and quite a few women's eyes followed her ass like it was magnetic. Her bubble butt, and her very big bust meant she would never ever sleep alone. She was so fine. Frank's job as a Federal Information Technologist sounded better than the reality. He fixed computers for the government, mostly for the FBI and the NSA. He had multiple security clearances, but most of his job was getting rid of porn based viruses, adware and malware. Day in, and day out, people abused the government issued laptops and desktops without remorse! He had to clean it all out. There was a power failure, with no work to do, so he bought some flowers to surprise his lovely wife. He walked in, there she was on top of Ox, a very large black man, she was on all fours, Roberto the Hispanic maintenance guy was in her asshole, and she was being face fucked by Sal, the guy from upstairs. All three guys were married. He got out his phone, this video was going to be needed for his upcoming divorce. The foursome was totally unaware he was even there. He walked around getting better views of his soon to be ex wife's face. He was upset of course, but he was a very methodical man. Pain would come later. So it was a bit of a shock to find his wife fucking three men in their apartment. Frank lost his cool demeanour, told them they had until he loaded the Glock, and then he would use them all as targets. They were all assholes and elbows, getting clothes, and getting out. His beautiful cheating wife was now crying, begging forgiveness, it would never happen again. Of that he was certain, she would be someone else's problem, not his. "Take your worthless scum sucking ass out of here. Get your clothes and leave!" "Where am I supposed to go?" she whined. "Go stay with one of your boyfriends! Oh, wait. Their wives might not take kindly to a slut showing up. Especially one that just fucked her husband. Better go home to mom's house then." "It's ten degrees outside! I'll freeze outside! Please don't throw me out! I'll make it up to you somehow." "Poor planning on your part dosn't constitute an emergency on mine. Get out of here NOW. I can't stand to look at your cheating face. You have pissed me off for the last time. You obviously don't love me. So, get the fuck out. I'll file on Monday, we will be divorced in a couple of months. Get going, you piece of shit!" She whimpered, grabbed a few things and threw them in a carry on bag and out the door she went. He thought, good riddance. But even in the midst of his tirade, he knew she would try to wiggle her way back into his good graces. This time was over the top. She was fucking THREE GUYS for crying out loud! She had been caught before, and promised before, several times. He sent a copy of her coupling to her mom Pamela. Her dad had passed two years ago. Three months ago, her mother Pamela had entered the bathroom while he was peeing and calmly began to clutch and stroke his dick. He was kinda shocked, then turned on, as his mother in law was even more voluptuous than the skank he just threw out. She was on her knees in a heartbeat, sucking his still wet dick for all she was worth. He came in her mouth very quickly, she swallowed it down. She said, "Thank you so much, its been so long since I tasted cum. Thank you, Thank you!" She totally washed his cock in her mouth. She was trying to remove her dress, when he heard his wife on the other side of the door. He kissed his mother in law and said, "Thank You Pam! and walked out. The apple dosen't fall far from tree. The tiny Christmas tree had twinkling lights seemed to be trying to cheer poor Frank up. He was weeping, feeling totally inadequate as far as the female of the species was concerned. He didn't quite understand it. He took good care of her. He made love to her three or four times a week. He always had her come before him. Sometimes he would eat her out for an hour till she got off again and again. Was it his size? He wondered. He was blessed or cursed to have a fairly large penis, very thick and pretty long. She had never complained about it in the seven years they had been together, six as a married couple. Even when she had been caught cheating, she never even mentioned his equipment. He had a theory: She was a slut. In the absence of other evidence, it seemed the most likely theory. She really liked dicks. He thought about her mom. Like mom, like daughter? He would invite her mom over and fuck the shit out of her, and do it in front of the cheating bitch! Evil fantasy #3! The wind was whistling in the front windows. It was cold, even with the heat cranked up. He heard a knock at the door. He opened it to a pair of smurfs. Two women who lived next door were on his doorstep. They were freezing. They really did look almost blue though. Sharon, a buxom blonde lesbian, said,"Wwwwee hhhhaaattte tutto bbboother yyyooou. Ooourrr hhheeat iiiss oouuttt, can wwwee wwwarrm pull hherre fffoorrr a mmmiinnutte ppplleeassse?" He ushered them in. They had on winter coats, and blankets. "Come on in here. For crying out loud, it's Christmas! How about some hot chocolate? Have you two eaten? Ill whip something up for you sit down, get warm." He rubbed their shoulders, Sharon and Liz both.They felt so cold. He got hot chocolate for each of them and made some Chinese vegetables and sauteed chicken pieces. He served it hot. They acted like it was their first food in week! "Frank, you are the nicest guy we know. If I was interested in men, you would be on my list! Except of course that you're married." "Not anymore. I caught her again, this time with three guys at the same time! I gave her the boot. Sent her to her mom's house. I'm filing for divorce on Monday. That is it. I'm done!" He was very close to tears. "Frank, why aren't you eating too? We didn't just eat your dinner did we?" Sharon asked. Some color was back in her cheeks. She was very attractive with full red lips, high cheekbones and wonderful eyes, not to mention her curvy, heavenly body. "It's ok, my guests always come before I do," he said. Liz hugged him. She wasn't quite as buxom, but she was very ravishing nonetheless. She had jet black hair, and flawless olive toned skin. She had hypnotic green eyes that sparkled in the light. Her breasts while not the football size of her partner were still at least a D cup. She had big, thick nipples, that currently were hard as diamonds. They poked through her bra and her knit shirt! "Frank, thank you so much for taking us into your home. If there is ever anything we can do to help you, just name it. I think your wife was very stupid, cheating on a wonderful man like you. I mean, I'm not interested in men. But if I was, you would be high on my list. Why on earth? What got into her?" Liz opined. "Oh I saw with my own eyes what got into her. Thing is, their equipment didn't look any better than mine. I wish you guys could tell me what's wrong with me. I feel completely emasculated by this whole thing. I wasn't enough for her." Sharon keeled down in front of frank and quick as a wink, had his zipper down and his dick out. She was examining it closely. It throbbed in her fingers. "I've only ever seen three cocks up close before, my dad's, my brother's and my only boyfriend's. This one looks way different." "What's the matter with it?" "It's HUGE. Its at least twice as big as the cocks I've seen. I think its nice, but a little scary." "Why scary?" Frank asked. "Men turn into animals when they get excited. You could rape and pillage me with this thing. Ohmygod its getting BIGGER! And harder too!" Frank laughed. "First off, you are watching way too much porn. I'd say 80 to 90 percent of porn is male fantasy; not reality. When you make love, it's all about the other person, not raping and pillaging. I'm not even sure what that is. Are you trying to make me cum?" "May I please suck it? It ... It's like magnetic. I want to put it in my mouth. Please? I don't get to see any dicks being a dyke." "Why would you call yourself that? Isn't that a nasty term. And sure, you can put it in your mouth, don't chew on it, just suck it gently. I am actually close to cumming, so you probably don't want it in your mouth when I cum." "I want to look! I've never held a big dick like this. C'mon. Gimme" Liz seemed excited. She took over stroking, but Sharon still had her hand on the bottom of Frank's dick." "I'm gonna cum!"Frank said. Sharon put the head into her mouth, but you could see the ropes of cum shooting into her mouth. Liz watched in fascinated wonder. "Sharon, don't swallow the jism. I want to taste it!" Liz was adventurous today. Sharon kissed her and they traded his semen. It was so incredibly hot he was hard again in no time. "Holy shit, your hard already!" "It sorta has a mind of it's own." Liz said, "Kinda salty and tangy, but not as bad as I thought. I like it." Sharon looked at Liz. "I want to fuck him. Please?" "NO... Not unless he can fuck us BOTH! I have never had a dick either. It's only fair! "Can you fuck both of us? Can we both cum? TOGETHER?" "Sometimes, it's very tough to get the timing so that two people cum at the same time. But I can fuck you two together!" "What about birth control? You want me to get some condoms?" he asked "We're both on the pill, but for different reasons, but we're good. You could cum in my mouth again. I liked it" Sharon smacked her lips." "First man we share, and you want to eat all the cum. You cum glutton! Gotta share. I get the next load!" Liz did seem to like cum. "How do we start?" "Let's go in the bedroom and get naked and I'll show you." They weren't there two seconds and Liz was bareass naked. Sharon let Frank take off her things slowly, one button at a time. Liz was having none of that. She had the head of Frank's dick in her mouth. She bobbed her head. Frank had Sharon stand up. He started to tongue her cleft. He licked from her asshole to her landing strip. Liz was shaved bare. Her vulva was completely drenched. "Frank I know you're big on long foreplay, but I'm ready to get laid. Can I just jump on your dick PLEASE?!" "If this is your first time, there might some pain involved. Are you ready? If it hurts too much, just tell me" She guided his dick to her labia. She was very wet. Two seconds later, Liz was no longer a virgin. "Oh this feels nice. I've never been so... full. She started to rocking and pumping. In a few minutes as Frank was concentrating on Sharon's pussy, Liz had a big orgasm. She wailed long and loud. It was so delicious and fun! She didn't want to get off Frank's dick. "Who's being the cock glutton now?" Jibed Sharon. The girls switched ends. Frank was having a great time. Sharon was trying to get his big dick in her. She was having problems. So frank switched positions so he could better penetrate her. They were in a sorta missionary position, with her legs held up on his shoulders, high up. He said, "Are you ready?" She nodded and Frank pushed inside her. She screamed, frank was so concerned he stopped. "Don't you dare stop! I just had a wonderful orgasm. My first with a man, ever! Oh frank you are so fuckin good. I know we're just a couple of crazy dykes, but you have made me feel so special. Oh my God I'm gonna... COME AGAIN! UHH! UGH OH FUCK YES. BANG ME FRANK! OOOHHHH FUCK ME GOOD! AAEEEIIIAAHH! WOW!" Frank came as she did. Liz was watching closely, she saw her partner squirt her womanly juices all over the place. "Frank, can you make me squirt too?" "Honey, not all women squirt. Some do, some don't. Not every time either! We'll just have to keep fuckin you until it happens! Practice makes perfect." They all smiled. The bedroom was bathed in the flickering light from the fake electric fireplace. All three laid back in bed. Frank in the middle Sharon on his left, head on his shoulder, Liz on his right, head on his chest. Both girls had a hand on his dick, but he was big enough for that. There was a knock on the front door, then the door opened and closed. Dread was upon Frank as he imagined the fight he was about to have. "Frank, where are you?"a woman's voice, he thought it must be his wife. "There you are Frank, why don't you answer your phone. Why do you have the lesbians in bed with you? Hi Sharon, Hi Liz." It was Pamela, his voluptuous mother in law. "Hello Pamela," he said, "The girls are here because their apartment is like the artic. But while they were here, they took it upon themselves to help me with my depression. They tried to fuck the memory of Olivia out of me. What brings you here, my sexy mother in law?" "I came here to fuck you." "What?" "You heard me. I came here to fuck the shit out of you. A very Merry Christmas fuck. I've wanted you for so long. Every time my dumb slut daughter gets caught cheating, I think, I'll get to be with him this time. I'll finally confess my feelings for him. But every time, like clockwork, she wiggled and worms her way back into your heart. How many times has my daughter fucked someone behind your back? So I'm on a timetable. I figure I have three days before the big softheart takes her back. I'm going to try to convince him otherwise." "Yeah, I'm just an asshole I guess. I keep hoping she will change, this will be the last time she does this. I guess she will NEVER change. I feel so defeated. She dosen't really love me like she should. Or she lets her pussy do the thinking for her. Either way it sucks to be me. Why are you here now though. You really want to fuck me?" "Men are so fuckin dense." She took off her coat, she was naked underneath. She had huge tits, at least 48 DDD or EE. Her nipples were hard as rock and big as Frank's little finger, at least an inch long, and thick. Her areolas were a good four inches wide and puffy from excitement. Her labia was clean shaved and dripping, she was raring to go. She ripped the blanket from them and jumped up on Frank's legs. "Sorry girls, I'm determined to fuck this wonderful man. He makes me so hot just from him looking at me! Frank PLEASE! Take pity on this old broad. Give it to me, I beg of you!" She climbed up over his now very hard dick, and she aimed it for her cunt. She couldn't get it all in at once, but little by little as she stroked and pushed, she stretched out her vaginal walls to accommodate his manhood. For his part, he was twisting and tweaking her nipples as she purred. "Ohmygod Frank, you feel so much better than my fantasy. I've wanted you for seven years. Seven long, fuckin years! You feel wonderful in my snatch, Ohmygod here it comes, I'm... I'm... Gonna COME HARD, really HARD! Yes, Yes, Fuck YES, I'm coming! I'm COMING! Frank I love you. Uhh. Ugh. Uhhhh. Oh aahhh!" She GUSHED, not squirted. She exploded into multiple orgasms. It was the single best sex she had ever had. She collapsed on Frank's chest. The four of them spooned all night, with Frank's front being the sought after real estate. He did get some sleep. But the girls were all over him. He had to admit, they made him feel a lot better. Christmas morning, they were around the tree. He gave the presents he was going to give his wife, well now, forget it. He gave his mother in law a corselet in black leather and lace, and it fit her well. He gave Liz a quarter cup bra, and matching silk panties in white. Sharon got the black brocade one piece, with the trap door bottom. It fit ok. There was a knock on the door. Frank did not dread it this time as he had his shock troops. The key turned in the lock, and there stood his stunning shapely sister in law Beverley. She had just turned twenty. She walked in, in her winter coat and said, "Frank I heard what my stupid ass sister did. Three guys?! How could she do that to you. I'm here because I have a confession to make." She took off her coat and she was naked. Frank sighed, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. This would definitely be a Christmas to remember.

check out more here http://kayleighrees23.5gbfree.com/catchme

[owenteaguer]

1, 8, & 11!

1. Talk about the first time you watched your favorite movieOof... my favorite movies (that I keep track of) are all kids movies, so they’re from childhood. But Labyrinth was showed to me by my aunt Marci, she showed us a lot of odd 80’s movies. I remembered SMALL parts of it, like that there was a baby with striped pajamas. To be honest, I completely forgot about it. And then I got heavily into Bowie and found it and had this complete breakthrough. I remembered small parts, like I mentioned, but I never was actively looking for the movie and the lost memory of it until I found out about it again. So impulsively rewatching it was this complete experience of childhood that I completely forgot. 8. Talk about the thing you’re most proud ofMan. This is always really hard. I don’t have anything that I can pinpoint as something I’m MOST proud of, but I’m currently super fucking proud that I 1. Completed all of my assignments for school and 2. Got all A’s this term. I mentioned this before, but I held off on all of my history assignments until the very end because 1. I’m a dumbass 2. I thrive only on procrastination and 3. Turning things in late at any point only had a 1 point deduction. So with literature, I had an A all term and knew I’d finish with an A (unless I bombed the final essay, which could’ve happened, but I lucked out. Plus I had like a 96). I was skeptical about my art class because the teacher never put in the overall grade for the class until the very end, but I got an A on the final project (that I did EXTREMELY last minute lmao (“I’ll know if you did this the night before” she didn’t)) and a high B on the final test so I was happy with whatever grade I got overall (which ended up being an A so woo!). But with history I had a full book to read paired with an essay on it and two discussions with follow ups etc that had to be done... and still cannot believe I completed it all. I finished the essay and it bumped my grade to a 70 and I was genuinely considering just stopping there and settling. But... I knew it’d be easy to bump the grade up and I would’ve been pissed at myself and annoyed that I didn’t just put in more effort. So I completed the two discussions on the LAST day and turned them in at 11:30pm (last time to turn them in was 11:59pm lmao) and ended up getting like 95’s on them and they boosted my grade to a 92! Woo! Now I can brag to my mom about my straight A’s since she made it a point to drag me over me not doing history assignments until the very end 😎 Jesus this is long SORRY11. Talk about the best dream you’ve ever hadDreams are tricky for me simply because they’re hard for me to see. I don’t know if that’ll make sense to anyone because it doesn’t make sense to me, but I just have a hard time focusing on my dreams I guess. Anyway, the best dream I have had is one where I had a boyfriend. It was rather recently, and I’m pretty sure that Owen was my boyfriend in it. It was him and I and we were at my dads house packing up and moving my stuff because we were moving in together. In the process of moving/packing I stumbled on my animal crossing game and started playing it (procrastinator, remember?), and just kinda sat down and was taking a “break.” So Owen came in and was like “paaaaiiiiige come on! We gotta get this done” and was just kinda annoyed with me and was whining so for some reason I decided I could get him to stop whining if I just gave him a blow job, that way I could continue playing. So dream me was SET on sucking his dick to continue playing animal crossing (big mood!) but I woke up before I could witness it ;(Thank you for the questions and holy smokes, sorry this is so long!