#i kept listening to it when writing this

[cannibalismyuri]

when he sees me (my heart is set in motion) sokka/zuko | @zukkaweek !!! | accidental baby acquisition / zukka as dads 🍓🫐 | collab w/ @sockfus

Sokka had never expected what he found, when he arrived in the the Fire Nation palace that day. He is quite sure he doesn't regret coming, though.

available to read here on ao3!

[cent-scratchnsniff]

to pass as. to qualify as. to be as. to love as a human being

[thisloveisredx]

Someone on Abbott’s insta commented that it’s ridiculous to have two adults base their relationship on a miserable guy and his divorce and I could not agree more.

[griseldabanks]

Comfyvember 4

Story: clone sister story (original) Prompts: Bed rest — Mug of tea — Soft music

The door creaked open just as Lily's playlist hit “Into the West.” Sticking her bookmark into Eight Cousins and setting it aside, Lily reached over and turned down the volume on her phone until all that could be heard was a faint breathy voice singing, “Sleep now, dream of the ones who came before....”

Moving slowly and with painstaking care, Ivy eased into the room, carrying a tray with a mug of something steaming hot and a whole package of Oreos. The little girl stared unblinking at the liquid in the mug, as if willing it not to spill as she carried it over to the bedside table.

Lily shifted her phone, water glass, and various bottles of pain meds out of the way so Ivy could place the mug of...tea, Lily thought. It was the black one with the Christmas lights that appeared when it got hot, so she couldn't tell what color the drink was, but she would have smelled coffee or hot chocolate. And you know me better than that anyway, she thought.

Ivy looked around uncertainly for a place to put the Oreos, but Lily held out her hand with a smile. “Thanks. That's just what I needed right now.”

After handing over the Oreos, Ivy hugged the tray to her chest, staring down at her feet. She looked like she wanted to say something; she even opened her mouth a couple times, then closed it again in defeat.

Lily felt awkward too, fiddling with the crinkled corner of the Oreo package. The two of them hadn't really talked since the...accident. That wasn't really the right word for it, but she didn't know what to call it instead. Ivy had been around in the hospital, and had helped out when she could at home, but their parents were usually around too.

The last thing Lily had said to her little sister one-on-one was “Don't be stupid.” She wasn't sure how to act normally after that.

Finally, Ivy just whispered, “Sorry,” and scurried back to the door.

“Ivy, wait!”

Though she half-expected Ivy to keep going, she actually hesitated with her hand on the doorknob. She peeked over her shoulder through long strands of blonde hair, and Lily realized she wasn't wearing her usual pigtails. She hadn't since the accident.

She looked even more like Rose than usual. Not like five-year-old Rose, but like Rose had at the end. Lily wondered if Ivy were doing it on purpose.

With a hesitant smile, Lily said, “I can't eat all these cookies myself, you know.”

Ivy ducked her head, letting her hair swing forward. “I am sorry. I will go to the kitchen and find a more suitable snack—“

“No, silly,” Lily said, rolling her eyes. But for once, Ivy's quirks were endearing rather than annoying. “I mean I want you to stay and eat them with me.”

Ivy's head snapped up, staring at Lily with wide eyes filled with wonder and joy, like she'd never dreamed of something as wonderful as the prospect of eating a cookie with her sister. The intensity of the emotion sent a pang of guilt through Lily's heart. She really hadn't been a good sister lately, had she?

Slowly, as if she could hardly believe it, Ivy closed the door and walked back over to Lily's bed, setting the tray down on the floor. Lily carefully scooted closer to the wall and patted the bedspread next to her. “Here, come join me.”

Gingerly, Ivy clambered up onto the bed, obvious from her movements that she was trying not to jostle any of Lily's injuries. She perched precariously on the very edge of the mattress, until Lily wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close against her side. Ivy sat very still, her round cheek resting in the space between Lily's shoulder and collarbone. Lily wasn't sure if she were afraid of hurting Lily, or just listening to her breathing or something.

Lily didn't speak any words of apology or forgiveness. Those words probably needed to be said at some point, along with things like you're just as much my sister as Rose ever was and you don't have to try to be anyone other than who you are. But for now, she just peeled back the flap on top of the Oreo package and let Ivy take the first one.

As they munched on the cookies in silence, Lily realized that the playlist on her phone had circled back around to the beginning, and the jaunty tones of “Concerning Hobbits” was now softly filling the air. She brushed a few crumbs off the cover of Eight Cousins, then noticed Ivy's gaze was directed to the picture on the front of two girls sitting and reading together. One with dark hair, one with blonde. And the blonde girl's name was Rose.

“You probably haven't read this book, have you?” Lily asked quietly.

Ivy shook her head. “Mother only reads me picture books. This does not look like a picture book.”

“No, it's not. But it was one of Rose's favorites. I find it comforting to read sometimes.”

Strange. It didn't hurt to say Rose's name now, not even when Ivy looked up at her with Rose's eyes, Rose's face...and yet not. Because Lily could see now that it was Ivy looking up at her with those eyes. Just Ivy.

Lily smiled down at her baby sister. “Would you like me to read it to you?”

Ivy snuggled even closer and whispered, “Yes, please.”

With her arm still around Ivy's shoulders, Lily opened the book and flipped back to the beginning, ignoring her bookmark in the middle of the birthday party. She thumbed through well-worn pages until she got to the first chapter, titled “Two Girls.”

“Rose sat all alone in the big best parlor, with her little handkerchief laid ready to catch the first tear, for she was thinking of her troubles, and a shower was expected.”

[feathery-bastard]

Is goodbye my danish sweetheart by mitski post island jalph yes or no

[banana-pancake5]

YES YES YES YES YES THAT LAST LINE TOOK ME OUT I FELL ONTO THE GROUND AGFHFHDHFHHFHFJF LEMME GO SONG BY SONG

-Not Sorry for Loving You

😭 this one made me so sad. I basically knew all the lyrics already from the released snippets so I was BELTING my heart out. Her voice is so so pretty and when I just listened to it at first, I took the ending with Odysseus as a sort of “hey we’re friends but not like that so sorry but I’m gonna go now. It’s been good and I’ll miss you” and then she finally accepts it but when I watched the animatic it was so much more tragic imo. Ody seemed like he might’ve been just saying what she wanted to hear in one way, but if it was genuine he moved on quickly and she was just left on her island. Alone again forever. She knows now that what she did was wrong but she really just thought he was a gift from the gods. A companion to join her once lonely life. And the ending shot of the animatic with her alone on the island breaks my heart bc unfortunately he’s not for her. She will just remain alone forever. Makes me SOB

-Dangerous

The beginning sounding like full speed ahead is fantastic I loved it. Ody singing sounded so sad tho bc I’m not used to him without his ensemble backing him up. But he’s just on his own :(((( especially the silence after the “cause I had one goal in mind” and then when Hermes popped in with the “all you gotta do is not open this bag” confirms my beliefs that he’s been watching Ody this whole time (that’s why he sounded so knowing when saying it: he knew he was doing a call back and I love him for it) and I feel like he didn’t sound as peppy as he did in would you like. I like this bc it seems like he’s adjusting to Ody and instead of being blindly optimistic he’s trying to just motivate him (and also just vibe with his buddy) and the WIND BAG. Idk if I got the correct thing from this, but I sort of assumed that Poseidon set a storm in front of Ithaca to stop Ody from getting home; then Hermes and the winions managed to trap it and give it to Ody for “safe keeping.” Anywho I also love it being “it’s a little bit dangerous, my friend” and then “don’t you know that danger is my friend” that’s just great. AND THEN ATHENA REFERENCED FIGHTING FOR HIM FHDHDHDKDJKDDJNDKD she better be fine or ELSE

-Charybdis

This one’s just really vibey and I love the chorus. It’s also really nice hearing Mr. Mind Warrior doing his little plan. OH AND THE SOUND IT MAKES AS ITS STARTING LIKE THE HORROR-ADJACENT SCREECHEY THING IS MY FAVORITE THING EVER. Oh and idk how familiar you are with this, but certain instruments and riffs are repeated in the musical for certain characters. Odysseus has the guitar and the different types of guitars mean different things I really like the sound of his electric guitar in this one dgdgshhdgdjd and the holding on for his family is so sweet :(((( but bro said “I’ll be there today” XD um idk man maybe don’t jinx yourself like that

-GET IN THE WATER FHDHDHDHHDHD

I LOVE how powerful popo’s (that’s his new nickname his name is too long) music is it’s just dhdhdgdhhdhdhd very good and strong I love it it really imposes that power and dread and stuff. And I’m kinda dumb ig bc I didn’t realize this before but I love how he threatens to gauge ody’s son’s eyes (like how Ody did to popo’s son) like ooookay yeah settle done please don’t get crazy. Then I LOVE how Odysseus tries to talk his way out of it which is so in character dhdhdjdjdjjsk and then popo seems so determined like he doesn’t particularly care enough to want to do this, he just thinks he HAS to. So he will. And his “no” is just dhdhsgdhdjdjdk very chilling I love it. And the freaking GHOSTS OF HIS PAST BRO FHDHDHDKDJDJ polites, eurylochus, and his mom killl me everytime fhdhdhsjdhjdd and the whole crew??? They’re making me emotional. And I love that with using these call backs, when I’m listening I don’t know exactly what’s going on but they give me a pretty good idea like bro is VERY near death rhdjdjdhdjsksk then I am reminded of the no longer you prophecy. “I see you on the brink of death. I see you draw your final breath. I see a man who gets to make it home alive, but it’s no longer you.” The end of this song IS THAT MOMENT. He’s about to die, he’s taken his final breath, and after this moment I think Odysseus is dead. The monster is who takes his place. And the next song REALLY cements that

-SIX HUNDRED STRIKE (<- probably my favorite of the saga teehee)

THEHDHDJDHDJDKLAJFHEHDJDKEKDHDJD again it’s very electric guitar and the genius of bringing the riff from keep your friends close is killing me. It’s so gorgeous and just perfect for me shdhdhdkdhdkshd bro keeps using wind bag on Poseidon and honestly yeah do your thing. And the “I WILL GET BACK TO MY SON AND I WILL GET BACK TO MY WIIIIIIIIIFE” is fantastic fhdhhdjskdjdjg yes bro get him and after the strike, popo was so smug with the “can’t you see? You sealed your fate” and Ody was NOT taking it and shot back the “you’ll call of the storm” AND RIGHT BEFORE HE SAYS THAT, YOU HEAR THE RIFF THAT COMES IN DIFFERENT BEAST, THE ONE RIGHT BEFORE HE SAYS “MY REAL WIFE KNOWS IM NOT SCARED OF THE WATER” AND JUST SHDHSHSJKSKSN and then bro just TORTURES HIM LIKE FHFHDJDHDKFHTKD THIS IS PRETTY GOOD PROOF THAT THIS ISNT ODY THIS IS THE MONSTER HOLY FREAK. Then I absolutely adore his monologue as he’s stabbing him. It’s so beautiful and tragic and broken and rageful and I can’t get over it. Idk if it’s a little trick to make us kinda get in ody’s shoes but Poseidon’s screams sound so nice?? Like to us that’s because they’re sort of singy screams but to ody it’s because this is his long awaited vengeance?? “calling their captain in vain” takes me back to cyclops saga and makes me wanna sob and then the “look what you turned me into” is him basically acknowledging that he’s no longer himself anymore bc of all that’s happened and what he’s done. “You didn’t stop when I begged you” bro really has learned ruthlessness and this is his outlet dhdgshshdhfhfj and popo calling him monster it just shfhdhbfhfhfhfj it kills me man it kills me. And yeah when mr. “Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves” is begging you to stop you know you’ve done some stuff dhfhdhsjdjkd

AND THE LAST LINE FHDHDHDHDHDHUEIRHFHFHEHDHHEHFJFITHFHFHTH INSANE. I SHOULD’VE EXPECTED IT BUT I DIDNT AND IT TOOM ME OUT THAT IS MY NEW FAVORITE EPIC QUOTE FHDHDHHDHDHDHRHTHTJJTJTJTJTJT

Oh my gosh I’d love to hear your thoughts

OKAY OKAY OKAY I WANNA SOB NOW STOP THIS HURTS IJDEFNKJCDSNKCJEANACEKJNCAEKJ

Okay so I think how I’m gonna do this is song by song, responding to your thoughts, and then sharing mine UNDER THE CUT CUZ ITS GONNA GET LONG

- Not Sorry for Loving You

Bahhhh ikkkkkk it really makes me just feel so bad for Calypso!! Her voice is literally gorgeous I love the way her songs sound so much decnihedcncijedncidjeniec I feel like he was just saying what she wanted to hear but at the same time I think it was genuine (platonic)?? It didn’t SOUND like he was just lying to her face but I can totally picture him doing so. But if he was being genuine then, yeah, BOY MOVED ON QUICK. I didn’t realllllly like Calypso in the being because she was …kind of a creep…. But now it makes so much more sense and it’s heart wrenching looking back on how she acted. That was the ONLY person she’d seen/talked to in SO MANY YEARS. She thought he was gift from the gods and she hears him talking about this Penelope girl and is like “who that?” And he just says “She’s my wife“ that must of crushed her bro!!! But of course she persisted bc that’s the only person she has!!!!! Then he leaves. Her life that had finally changed for the better is back to its usual loneliness. I want a song called “Alone in paradise” about her before he comes and or after he’s gone. It would be DEVASTATING.

- Dangerous

Okay wow I did not realize that!!! Ohhhhh that’s why it sounded so different!! Well 1 he’s sorta depresso, but yeah his ensemble is gone! Okay honestly I love Hermes so much but “All you gotta is not open this bag” DUDE THATS KINDA A MEAN JOKE DONT YOU THINK???? Heheheh I love that part of the song tho so I can’t be mad at him XD oh I can totally imagine hm watching Ody the whole, and the fact he knew he was making a call back (bc of course he did) is just so funny to me. Hermes adjusting to the current mood makes me love him so much more. He’s not just being all annoying and teasing Ody because he is aware of everything that Ody’s been through (which is A LOT), but that said, Hermes is still vibing and as he does he encourages and helps Ody too. WHOLESOME FUN FRIENDSHIPS I LOVE IT SO MUCH!!!! OHHHHH OKAY OKAY THAT CLEARS THAT UP. I was genuinely so confused like they already used all the wind??????? But that makes a lot more sense!!

I HAVE THOUGHTS ON ATHENA. ONE, THAT REFERENCE CDEIHNCEDIJNCEDIJENJICFENCE I WAS NOT EXPECTING IT AND I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Two, I thought she died but now I no longer do!!! Partly because I watched a ton more God Games animatics and a good couple of them she survives (I think? Maybe I’m remembering wrong lol), and…. Well okay turns out I don’t have another point. Maybe I just gaslit myself into thinking she was alive with no evidence XD

- Charybdis

Listening to it again rn to remember it lol

Honestly yeah I agree and I also don’t have many opinions on this song ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I mean it’s GREAT, just as every song in the musical, but it didn’t stick out too much to me :/

OH BUT THE END. HE SEES HIS HOME AND THEN STUPID POPO (love the nickname) POPS UP TO KILL HIM.

The instruments!!!! I may be watching a lot of the videos the main guy has made bc it’s so interesting, but! I did see stuff about this! I think he said that Electric music is correlated with magic, so the more magic in the scene the more electric components. That being said I am apparently garbage at noticing these motifs and instruments in the music bc I didn’t even notice the electric guitar ;-;. BUT I HAVE HEARD SOME INTERESTING THOUGHTS I WANNA TALK ABOUT!!!

Have you seen the one short talking about the Sirens Powers? If not then you NEED to. Idk how to find it tho…. But anyway, basically it’s talking about how the siren’s song, depending on how clearly the recipient can hear, gives her access to memories so she can lure her prey into the water. THATS WHY THE SIREN SAID DAUGHTER INSTEAD OF SON!!!! Since he had the beeswax in his ears she couldn’t fully access his memories and so she got stuff wrong! That’s alllsooooo why the song has stinking Polites’ instrument (a mallet or something like that) instead of Penelope’s!! THE DETAILS IN THE MUSIC ARE SO COOL AND THE AMOUNT KF THOUGHT PUT INTO IT IS SO AWESOME EIJCNSDJINCDISJNCKSJDNJCKSD

- GET IN THE WATER YES ISCDUNWDCJINWCDJKNCDWKJNCSD

Ikkkk all his songs set the mood so perfectly! OKAY THE LITERAL GASP I MADE WHEN I READ THAT. YEAH I GUESS IM DUMB TOO BC THAT WENT WAYYYYYY OVER MY HEAD. NXSXJINXSDIJWNCKDJSNCIWJDNCJDIWDECN THAT COMPARISON KILLS ME. Ody is Leo 100% every single time Ody is talking his way out of something I’m reminded of it XD. It’s kind of a relief seeing Ody try to talk his way out of it. Yes he has changed, but he is still him yknow? Popo’s line delivery gives me chills. It’s so spooky and dramatic. and he’s got a point! If he lets Ody go then people will definitely see him as less of a threat. Doesn’t mean I appreciate Popo’s actions one bit though lol. I LOVE the following scene when he starts singing “Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves” the peril, chaos, waves crashing all around Ody. Even without the animatic you can just sense the threat. Also it sounds epic (hehe puns). AND FOLLOWED BY THE GHOSTS BROOOO DWIHBCDSIHBCDAJHBWDCIUNCDS. WAIT. WAIT WAIT WAIT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT. THE PROPHECY THATS IT. THATS INSANE. AGHHHHHHHHHHH. Noooooooooo Ody is gone. The monster takes his place and that’s devastating. I’m gonna get emotional disncjkjsdncjidsn

- THIS SONG. AH. SIX HUNDRED STRIKE. (<- Probably tied for first or second fav in this saga Dangerous is just such a bop) (listening to this song on loop as a write this)

I DIDNT EVEN NOTICE THAT THATS WHAT THE RIFF WAS FROM SDCNDUCEHBDDWUHNWDCHINUHCDWNW Popo you should’ve learned by now, Don’t let Ody have the stinking wind bag!! Popo fell for the same trick twice in a row XD. ALSO JUST AHH ODY “CANT AFFORD TO DIE” I LOVE THAT LINE VERY MUCH. BC HE LITERALLY CANT. HE HAS DONE SO MUCH TO GET BACK HOME HE AINT GONNA WASTE ALL THAT EFFORT AND DIE. and yesssssssss that’s such a good line asnswihxnxwsjinxweijnxdwnjixwdjinxdw. HOW DO I KEEP MISSING THESE MUSICAL MOMENTS NCJIWDDNIJDEWNIJDNWDDIJWNCD I DIDNT NOTICE THAT RIFF EITHER!!!! AH. Okay I just wanna ramble a bit about the whole torture and pre torture bit. The second Popo said “or what? You can’t kill me,” so stinking naive Popo, I KNEW what was gonna happen. THAT CONCEPT. USEING HIS IMMORTALITY AGAINST HIM. HE CANT DIE BUT HE’LL WISH HE COULD. I JUST— AHHHHHHHH ITS SO GOOD. AND HORRIFIC BUT DECNSDCIUNCDWJINWDCJINICEF. And then Popo begging for mercy, which he was oh so against previously (ironic right). When he sees Ody approach with his Trident and starts panicking “Wait …Wait!” ODY IS SO RUTHLESS BRO. HE DEFINITELY IS THE MONSTER. AND SOMETHING ABOUT HIM COMPLETELY IGNORING POPO WHEN HE SAID “ENOUGH” AND THEN SHUTTING HIM DOWN WHEN HE YELLS STOP. And when Popo yells out, “you MONSTERRR” I died. Nuidceiuecdnjidecnjindec. It’s so cruel and messed up but that was Popo’s outlet. he just let out all of his pent up rage, all of his guilt, everything. Oh and yes, “calling their captain in vain” gives me FLASHBACKS to Survive AND the Ruthlessness (it’s faint but the crew yells “captain” in the background) which justs add more to that sick irony of the scene.

— Okay, slight side tangent, but Popo saying “the line between naive and hopefulness is almost invisible” durning Ruthlessness is just killing me bc of what I said earlier, “‘or what? you can’t kill me,’ so stinking naive Popo” I just can’t dfwnuhedcnudhe —

“After everything you’ve done …how will you sleep at night?” “Next to my Wife” BRO THAT LINE IK ITS KILLS ME CEDIHNCUHEFNCEDIJNIUDXWNIJWXDNWCDJ OH DEFINITELY ONE OF IF NOT THE BEST EPIC QUOTE

Oooooookay think I responded to basically everything you’ve said and told my thoughts…. Hopefully this whole ramble makes sense :P

IF YOU HAVE ANY MORE QUESTIONS OR JUST THINGS YOU WANNA SAY ABOUT ANY OF THE SONGS PLEASE HOP IN MY IN BOX MORE CDEJINFDEIJDCENIDEJCNECDNIJCFE

[egginfroggin]

Running gag in Iced Tracks where every photo/portrait/painting of Ingo and Zisu has Zisu wearing a full suit of armor that shows no skin or defining features. It's impossible to tell if there's anyone in there.

This becomes a bit that is committed to to the extent of people not actually being sure if they actually have a queen, or if the "wedding" was a stunt to get nobles to stop sending their daughters to make eyes at Ingo, and their current king actually has no wife at all.

Ignore the red-haired silver-eyed extremely loud little children running around those totally aren't his and his supposed "wife's," those are adopted. They aren't blood heirs.

(Cue Ingo insisting that yes of course these are his children, whose else would they be, as he pats the shoulders of two of the kids, then gestures to the other two and says "these two are adopted")

(Do not imply to a man who has borne witness to the birth of his children that no, those aren't of your blood)

("Oh so my wife was playing a bit, then" "Majesty, some people don't think you have a wife --" "Then who on earth is that woman I see every day and night? I doubt I could hallucinate such a beauty")

(Zisu is losing it off to the side)

Basically, Emmet and Evelyn are the normal couple, Ingo and Zisu are full of shenanigans and go down in history as the absolute happiest couple and also the one that caused the most distress in their panel of advisors

[marnz]

every autumn I enter a state of mind where I need to be knitting something cozy while listening or watching something spooky. this always manifests in me knitting a giant project while watching teen wolf and quickly descending into madness. Once spring arrives I wake up from my sterek fugue and try to shake off it, asking friends to please give me my rabies shot next September to avoid this happening again. But it cannot be avoided. Recently I have been watching one or two seasons a year, truly stretching it out, and I do NOT know what will happen once I finish 6b and, god forbid, the movie. What will I do? Who will I become?

[skitskatdacat63]

Here is a badly drawn comic of my terrible, awkward group project experience from yesterday. I thought it was very absurd so I wanted to share it other people lol :)

Let me know, how do you find their conduct 😭

[i-want-docmartens]

[dwtolos]

started watching another home makeover show and it hit me once again how much I want an AU where George and Sapnap are the hosts of a 'siblings getting their own rooms' show (they compete on which room suits their respective kid best) and Dream is one of the cameramen who ended up commenting out loud about something so he ends up being a faceless fan favorite. George does flirt with Dream a lot. Sapnap is very tired of it. They also compete about which room Dream would like the best, which is not the point of the show but in their hearts it is.

[patrice-bergerons]

Tom Waits' Green Grass is a janto song if I've ever heard one and ouch, I have now hurt my own feelings 😭

Lay your head where my heart used to be Hold the earth above me Lay down on the green grass Remember when you loved me

Come closer don't be shy Stand beneath a rainy sky The moon is over the rise Think of me as a train goes by

Clear the thistles and brambles Whistle 'Didn't He Ramble' Now there's a bubble of me And it's floating in thee

Stand in the shade of me Things are now made of me The weather vane will say It smells like rain today

God took the stars and he tossed 'em Can't tell the birds from the blossoms You'll never be free of me He'll make a tree from me

Don't say goodbye to me Describe the sky to me And if the sky falls, mark my words We'll catch mocking birds

[ashton-ryder]

👥 himself

Send ‘👥‘ for 4 hcs about our muses relationship or about your muse

tw: minor acephobia Ashton took a long while to work out who he was, confronting the fact that he never felt the same kind of attractions as others did. Sure he'd feel emotional, romantic attractions, but he's never wanted to jump into someone's pants before, the odd ball in high school while everyone's hooking up like rabbits, hiding behind the social shield of ice hockey and his teammates. He ever once got into a fight for a random passing comment made of him, what a freak, probably only fucks his hockey stick and can't even get it up. His girlfriend probably cheats on him so that she can get some, she can get some with me since he's useless. He fought them and got in trouble for this, his mom tried to push back against that bullshit but instead, Ash rather take the punishment for the fight to end the conflict, paying it in hockey training hours, knowing the school rather not write up one of their star athletes. Having had a few relationships thereafter helped him figure it out much easier despite the heartbreaks. Being sex-favorable, it's not that he doesn't enjoy sex or doesn't know how to have a good time, it's that he doesn't look at someone and think oh my god they're so fucking hot I want to jump into their pants. There's no urge, no desire, no craving, no attraction for it. His high school girlfriend broke up with him over that, not looking like he wanted or desired her enough despite being head over heels for her. Growing older made things easier, people weren't as nasty as they were in high school, though it also made him much more cautious of relationships. It's oftentimes easier just to not have them. Communication like adults probably made all the difference, and Ashton growing older, wiser, simply accepting that whatever he felt was whoever he was, after parsing through all the chaotic confusion in his younger years - landing on the fact that emotions were always his prerequisite for sex. So just know that if he has sex with you, he fucking loves you. .

Ashton often wondered what his life would've been like if he continued with ice hockey. He was the best offensive defenseman his high school had since in years, helping bring their school team's name and pride to state and national levels. They were bringing back wins after wins and by his senior year their hockey team was a force to be reckon with. Ash was helping to train their juniors by that point, everything in his life at that point was for ice hockey, lest he let himself fall to deep into a self destructive hole of grief, he was always an all in kind of person. Losing his dad changed the course of his life, dropping the sports scholarship he was about to get and joining the military instead. He could perhaps see his alternate life in Beau, living vicariously to him and his joys with his own sport, things might've just been simpler, happier if he had done the same. Ashton is absolutely grateful for the life he has and choices he made, but that's a what if that comes knocking every once in awhile. .

Teaching was never something Ashton thought he'd enjoy, seeing the way his mother worked so hard for so little with the biggest joys only from the satisfaction of setting her kids on the right path at formative years of their lives. Sometimes he wished she chose a career that would've been easier on her, give her the resources and pay she needed to do her job instead of scrimping and saving and buying her own school supplies for her kids, but he'd never have the heart to tell her otherwise whenever she tells him about her day teaching her kids over dinner. It was pure joy and pride, and whatever struggles or otherwise seemingly no longer mattered in those moments. And when Ashton picked up his own mantle to teach as part of his PhD, it was.. an interesting experience. Sure he wasn't teaching the solar system to elementary kids, but he actually enjoyed teaching quantum physics to college kids, having debates with them, as scary as a lot of them found him; he held a standard of respect, compliance and diligence in his class, almost militaristic. His students better show up and show out, they are here to learn, and any other attitude was not welcomed in his classrooms. They are adults and he treats them as such, take responsibility and pride or leave. But because he treats them like adults, he always gave them the grace to speak their minds in lectures. And from there, he thinks he finally understands what his mother talks about, that feeling of teaching. An unexpected joy Ash didn't think he'd find, but not unwelcome. .

Ash's love language, both giving and receiving, is definitely physical touch, perhaps an ace irony, but he appreciated the skinship and intimacy, of being able to show your love instead of tell it, and having it cost nothing but the desire to be close to one another. Platonically and romantically, he didn't need gifts or words or quality time, just simply acts of a hug, an arm around your shoulder, a cuddle, hand holding, kisses, hair play, even just being physically close, things that physically grounds him was all he needed and loved to give and reminds himself mentally that he's not falling too far into his own mind, that there was a here and now to focus on.

[joyridingmp3]

have to wake up early tomorrow to drop my sister at the station, then get my ultrasound done, and then go to my job interview after. feels like a good night to listen to the cure

[sskk-manifesto]

Osamu Dazai and the Depressing Era

[compacflt]

I've read the original version of WWGATTAI and I was wondering why you later decided to have Pete sleep around during their "break up" or rocky patch. I think in the first version he just flirts with others but later tells Ice that he'd burst into flames if he actually slept with anyone else. Did you see it as cheating or did you see it as them being in a very real separation that both were aware of?

oh shit someone who read the original shitty version 😭😭😭😭😭😭 okay thanks for sticking with me that long firstly

okay—that part of the story was the first part i ever wrote (besides the epilogue which was actually first) so i just didn’t know how it would play out, so there’s that—I didn’t think through the consequences of ice’s betrayal at ALL so that’s the whole reason why i went back and edited it

Secondly, (see here for another post about this), no, I don’t think of it as cheating. they weren’t in a relationship (like they Were but they also weren’t). they were in a situationship that got out of hand. if ice is jealous/butthurt about maverick sleeping around then he is coping & seething and should be made fun of

thirdly, mavericks an unrealistically handsome single guy in his early forties who may have just wasted the last decade of his life on a man who betrayed him/his family & basically dumped him & left him, so not unexpected that he would retaliate by sleeping with other people.

fourthly, as maverick says above, “it’s a distraction,” “[it’s someone who is] not you. I just can’t seem to shake you. I don’t know what else to do.” he feels like he is out of options & he himself is too cowardly to break things off with ice so he’s waiting for ice to break things off with him. him sleeping around = a.) satisfying a physical need that ice used to fulfill before he left b.) shopping around for other people c.) retaliating for ice’s betrayal d.) trying to provoke ice into breaking up with him e.) attempting to distract himself from how much he misses ice