#i just. feel like i can only trust myself rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lynxalon · 2 years

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#delete later #i just feel stupid #i don't even know why this has upset me so much but i'm. not doin great #ig it's cause i thought we were still dating?#fun fact this isn't the first time someone has technically broken up with me and not made that clear. y'know. to ME :/#hell someone pretended to be fucking dead to break up with me once #ngl that sort of shit really fucked me up so this dredged up a lot of feelings of inadequacies #it's why i think I'M the one doing something wrong #why else do people do this to me #i know his reasons i know he needs time #that is something i completely get #but the lack of clear communication left me spiralling for weeks before things finally were cleared up today #in one of the shittiest ways but at least it was cleared up #i just. feel like i can only trust myself rn #i want me even if no one else does #but i fucking wish someone wanted me #i don't know what i'm doing here #i feel so alone #fuck what am i doing wrong

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the-gayest-tree-you-ever-did-see · 6 months

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finally caved and started reading all for the game. two chapters into the foxhole court and what kind of gay fucking shit is this! also did not know there were sports in here

#idk whats going on i thought it was like the raven cycle with magic and shit its called the foxhole court??? no fae???? what the fuck!!!#and i cant understand whats happening with the sports. i didnt get it. i hope i dont need to i just know kevin is top dog of the bad dogs #neil is mid mid except hes got a death wish so they want him carnally???#ill be reading it super slowly bc im busy but i can feel it slowly turning up the heat on my brain cells as i read. they are burning.#ive got naught but ten #and neil's not neil but he is and he has a bag of secrets he's hiding in someone else's closet like okayyyy go off author fuck whats the #authors name.... nora sakavic FUCK I SHOULDVE KNOWN NEVER TO TRUST A WOMAN NAMED NORA #i dont know...i dont know.... but also the only gay neil i know is the one from dead poets society and its hard to separate the two rn #is the rest of the book going to be like this what did i get myself into. am i mentally prepared #bc i wasnt for trc and it FUCKED! ME! UP! im STILL insane #ugh. ugh. anyway. way gayer than expected. also at one point someone asks ''how safe is safe'' and MY DISAPPOINTMENT #when the answer wasnt safe as life? immeasurable. in fact i had to close the book. went to study accounting.#ACCOUNTING. HELLO?? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME IN HERE???#the tree speaks #all for the game #aftg #what are yalls tags?#neil josten #the raven cycle #trc

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bunnihearted · 3 months

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#i hope no one reads this bc my avpd is crazy rn and i cant be affectionate #BUT...#i know there are some good ppl in the world #many ppl on tumblr (and twitter) has been very kind to me #i know not everyone are bad ppl #im just stuck in this bpd mood where only ONE thing is true #and i constantly feel so hurt and trampled on and disrespected #and i feel like i cannot trust anyone #so my brain hones in on that i feel unsafe w everyone #but okkkk listen i know i know some ppl are very nice to me #and i appreciate that more than i can ever have words for #so.. like yeah i've gotten some asks but i cant reply bc i cant be social directly #but no i dont hate everyone on here or think every single person is awful #like when ppl are nice to me no i dont think theyre horrible #but with my trauma brain... and my past experiences #i get very sensitive sometimes and i feel like everyobe are lying to me and making fun of me #and everyone is in on a joke abt me that im unaware of #and i feel like if i lay myself bare i'll only be taken advantage of and humiliated #i just feel right now very weak and like all my skin's off #and im walking around like a huge wound and if someone even breathes on me it hurts so much #so im sorry for being mean and saying so many rude things rn im just kinda falling apart #but i still have capacity to recognize that ppl are nice to me on here ok i just dont know what ro #what to do with it*** bc im not used to that #im used to ppl bullying me or being mean and i hate that but i just cry and hurt myself and i know what to do #when someone's nice to me i feel like the world is upside down and the sky is like green and the water is red i dont get it #anyway.. yeah i hope no one reads this and when i ramble and write a lot the chance of less ppl reading gets higher #anyway... i just wanted to write this and get it out into the universe #bc i sometimes do things to isolate myself even further bc i've never had community or support or comfort or friendships so lowkey i dont #even want to nurture things that can lead to that bc idk what to do with that. how to not fuck it up.#anyway... idk what im saying or thinking even

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falldogbombsthemoon · 5 months

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Yall haha, my dad made it so I have wifi access for one hour a day. which I can use from like 14 to 21 german time. So once my mobile data is dead, I will not be active that much ig. So please dont think I'm abandoning yall.

#vent following #its fucking ridiculous. im not a fucking child. neither is my brother #no idea what my dad wants to achieve through that. “so you can relaxe more” yeah no. being on the internet is my fucking coping mechanism.#there is nothing about relaxation there. also he did that so we'll to go sleep earlier. if it really was about that.#he would need to force me to sleep. you cant just change my sleep schedule by that #anyway its fucking ridiculous as i was on a good way of getting to sleep more early but if imma do that now he will think like #“wow. im such a good dad. i fixed all the problems my child could possibly have.” which is absolutely not the case #yk. ive always fucking struggled with feeling like people cant trust me.#and him not trusting my abilities to be responsible for myself is not helping #and then boom. im feeling shitty but wait haha my coping mechanism is currently set offline.#and like also im in extra stress atm bc school is fucking with me #not only are like a bunch of tests on the way but my fucking anxiety in school is getting so bad.#i cant sit in that facility without feeling like imma have a panic attack any minute #i am in need of fucking professional mental help. and at least one diagnosis. i dont want to do shit to myself.#but in this house hold. emotions are not talked about. feelings are suppressed and mental health is an illusion #i NEED to see a fucking psychiatrist. but i dont feel like i can to my parents about that. and technically i could go without them knowing #but someone needs to educate them. and i mentally cant be that someone #and guess whos sitting in their room crying and writing about that rn. not studying for their tests tomorrow and the day after.#i bet if my parents wouldnt have done that shit with my wifi i would be studying rn #quinns daily yapping post #rather #quinns personal hell

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dreamyprinx · 2 years

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I bring to you, actual art but it’s me trying to replicate my friend @spaceshmuck’s art style

✧ reblogs are appreciated ✧ | ♡ buy me a kofi ♡ | ☾ commission info ☽

#whimsy whispers #crystalart.png #others ocs #strand von zarovich #curse of strand #space tag #GOD this was so difficult and I don’t even feel like I did that good a job but it was also fun #also hi I’m not gonna shut up about my art program crashing and this corrupting right as I was almost finished with it I need people to know #that the universe tried to stop this from existing >:| I did not spend hours going ‘is this how it would draw hands’ and cursing myself for #the damn art to not see the light of day #anyways please look at my friends art it’s SO good like god I’m jealous of its art style and character designs >:’)#like literally such lovely art y’all will check it out because I said so and my word is like law or whatever #I’m like writing these at 4:25zm on a Monday and like this won’t even be posted for another week or so but like #sorry if I’m especially stupid rn I didn’t wanna go to sleep yet so I’m saving drafts and listening to off the wall magical! on loop #y’all should also check out junie & thehutfriends because I find their music fun #just listen to me when I tell you to look at ppls art because I have good taste okay? you can trust me I’m holding your hand and we’re going #to have fun I prommy #also please do not talk about the background it was one of the things I was gonna work on when the art program crashed #the only thing I fixed after that was minor mistakes like not colouring in buttons #anyways ily pretty vampire man and ily my dear friend who’s art style vexes me 💖

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toastsnaffler · 11 months

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sometimes I wish I was a more interesting + charismatic person just so I could keep conversations going bc I like sharing space with other ppl but they routinely lose all interest and leave once I run out of things to say/start talking abt things that don't concern them :-(

#and boy do I run out of things to say so fast when I'm talking to friends who ik dont give a fuck abt any of my interests...#theres only so much i can make small talk or ask them questions abt their own interests/lives yknow. man #it just makes me feel like im constantly competing with smth else for other ppls attention all the time + constantly losing #eg. when i say smth + my flatmate reaches for her headphones a little dark souls banner appears across my vision like INTERACTION FAILED #and i can feel my rsd + insecurities praying on it like the more i feel this way the more it prophetically fulfils itself #by making me less willing to try and take up space so i become a smaller and smaller person around others #it frustrates me a lot sometimes and i dont rly have the will rn to undo that and force myself to take up more space regardless #ik this sounds like a water is wet complaint like oh nooo woe is me people get bored of me when i talk abt boring things (!!)#but when im spending time w ppl i like i enjoy listening to them talk even if im not interested in the subject bc its Them talking #and if they care abt smth then its worth hearing abt!! to me anyway. but it rly feels like no one reciprocates that idk #oh well not that it matters. at least i like the shit im into so i can talk to myself abt it in my head or on this site lmao #and i like myself as a person even if other people dont so theres always that. ur no 1 should always be urself <3 #voicing this makes me feel so stupid + embarrassed urgh. i hate being anxious abt dumb shit i hate being the sort of person who worries #that their friends privately dislike/just tolerate them or whatever bc id never want a friend to worry abt whether i thought that abt them #and im not naturally a very insecure person!! i think im just feeling particularly vulnerable atm bc of the season + jobhunting so long #+ the fact im dissatisfied with my current social life + still feel very wobbly from not having other ppl i can trust or rely on etcetcetc #and thats just bleeding into other areas. and it sucks a lot. but theres nothing to be done abt it rn bc im not going to communicate it #to other ppl bc im not pathetic enough to make my anxieties someone elses problem + beg for pity attention im too proud for that 👍#anyway. gonna play some noita + then i rly need to work out today bc thats probs part of why im feeling so shite #if ur reading this ignore me im just venting itll pass. i hope youre having a nice day :^)#.vent #.diaries

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mars-ipan · 1 year

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genuinely i don’t know how someone could meet a kid and decide children are horrid monsters actually. kids are so good

#marzi speaks #idk if i want kids myself but i am good with them #and i do love kids. once they get old enough to talk to you can have such amazing conversations #idk. who wouldn’t want to talk with the future?#i am probs thinking this bc i’m just finishing visiting my little cousins #and i have tried Very Hard to be the cool older cousin they can look up to and trust #and i’m proud to say it’s succeeded <3333 ough i love them they’re so sweet #it’s cute they’re shy. i was the exact same type of shy as a kid so i know exactly how to make them feel comfortable #but they’re creative and they draw and they like my drawings #and they’re at the age where they’re starting to explore their identities and because i am unabashedly queer i get to Know About It #and just !!!! augh i am filled with love.#unfortunately the older one is only an inch shorter than me despite being over half a decade younger than me #</3 curse of height genes #that’s ok tho. still little in my heart #i don’t want them to grow up ever they r so important to me #i’m very emotional abt it rn idk why. maybe i’m tired maybe it’s residual period hormones #i just love them so so much. i need to visit more #ok i’m not gonna cry but like . it was close for a second

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lilgynt · 1 year

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still sobbing my eyes so never having a weed free night again

#personal #my door got caught on my laundry basket and crutches and i crashed against the walker i got my dad #and i want to yell at my brother how awful he is - which? either of them but mainly the broken door one #but i’ve done that and it doesn’t change anything let alone how i feel #and i wish my mom understood but she just hates me #and she can say she doesn’t and she buys me gifts but then hangs it over my head bc we’re broke #but it’s like i’m in the wrong for my brother violently breaking my door and then is upset i’m upset he still hasn’t fixed it #and this only came up bc she bought me a door accessory. BUT WOULDNT LET ME BUY A DOOR WHEN IT Orginally broke #like life is fine and all till i’m sober and remember my family is actually doesn’t like me and is super mean to me #and i feel like i’m so burnt out from everything i can’t even think about moving out #even tho i said fuck it that one time a few months ago #and i can’t move in with either of my brothers bc they’ve deeply hurt me and i can’t trust them like that #like do i think i would be safe with them and they would house me yes without question #do i think i would sooner kill myself over the pride issue of them constantly treating me like shit i can’t imagine living with #or being thankful to them while still feeling like #i don’t even know what i feel other than not liked or respected by my family #i know it’s lack of weed period and then just also generally living a bad life and having bad family relations but oh my god #gun to the back of my head rn please. please.#but in all seriousness first night i’ve been like huh. i could definitely buy a gun. really bad since the whole dad situation #like other night i punched a mirror when i got charged from my dentist from something two years ago with no warning. no notice #like 200 bucks. so. i already dealt with that it’s some insurance shit im seeing if i can do payments or whatever but never fucking working #with them again. didn’t even answer my question on why i wasn’t given any notices when i had them send me the bill and insurance claims

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p-0-p-3 · 2 years

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#i have zero idea why everyone hates me so much #i litterally dont even have a personality i just adapt to the person im talking to #i wish i wasnt a fucjing burden like jesus christ i am not even a burden like i can take care of myself #i am completely fine with myself but i chase people away #i literally have no one #like no father #i have a mom sometimes depending on her mood #and i have mark and nicole but i feel guilty putting so much trust in them #im only 20 like i am in school i cannot live by myself rn but im gonna have to figure out how ig bc apparently im a horrible roommate #HHHHHHHHHJH #im gonna literally start killing people #you think im being silly #oh im being silly alright #silly with this gd axe in my hands #my Pearl era is approaching closer and closer istg

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strwbrymlkshake · 2 years

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been getting a lot more into Killing lately

#mine #vent post again hello. for the love of god #🎸#anyways um uhh uhhah uhagh i feel like violence is more apparent in my life #though it could def be due to the violent outburst i had the other day. just the aftermath of it ig #i have been feeling depressed and like i cant control my own life bc things are being withheld from me #hrgngh :( as usual. nothing is changing. i have to wait like this for a long ass time before it does.#oh right the point of this post: i keep feeling like my bf is mad at me even though there is literally nothing to signify that #he did not even say he was mad at me so why is my anxiety thru the roof HUH. well probably trauma #he said he would love me no matter what! but im still so worrieedddd :< i guess it wasnt a big thing to be mad about anyways so #i dont understand why he WOULD be mad about it. so unless he says he is mad/upset then he ISNT but my brain does not get this #there is NO reason for me not to trust him #also i have moved on from the 'why doesnt he message me first in the morning' fiasco which is good. i dont have an explanation as to why #i just am not mad about it anymore idk lol. well besides that my brain is feeling illogical things that i can recognize are illogical #but they still impact me :< its not fair at all... i could hypothetically construct reasoning why hes mad at me rn but im only hurting #myself this way. me moment. it was relatively innocent its not something to be MAD about he said hed love me for all my mistakes #so even if it was a problem he wouldnt stop loving me!!! do you understand brain? goodness...#HES LIKE. he is my beloved forever and i want to be holding him or touching him always. going to punch a wall idk #i just love him so much i dont want to mess up ever!!!!! god damn!! we are both depressed / have mental problems so we are doing our best #metaphorically smoking a joint with him rn i miss him. drugs are bad btw i would never do a weed. only in the metaphorical sense #i want us both to be less miserable so together we can be happy!! but why am i keeping him from doing things he likes...#but i want him to be happy?! but i want to spend time with him :( im gonna cry. WHAT AM I MAKING MYSELF UPSET FOR #he didnt even say he was mad at me i am just spinning this way out of proportion! ok!? he loves me forever #but yea i feel like my social filter for violence related things dissipated entirely. so i have been openly talking abt killing people #which is not good i am not going to do any of these things. my brain is too fond of them

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wormmpile · 2 months

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Analyzing my childhood for signs that I was OCD the way ppl analyze for signs they were queer....... like perhaps there was something a little odd about me inspecting all fruit for evidence of worms/bugs or the fact that I used to cry and freak out because I thought there might be slugs in my ramen that snuck in there when I wasn't looking

#i don't really experience contamination ocd anymore #just some old fashioned harm ocd (inflicted upon myself and others) & some fun religious/fucked up sex related obsessions as a treat #i wrote a whole rant below this about how isolating and horrific it is to experience my particular flavor of ocd #to the extent ive never even told counselors the worst of it because i dont know if i can trust them #but i dont feel like being angry today im tired of being angry i need to just be sad rn #0 note post #idk how to trigger tag this and there's only like 5 people following me on this blog anyway so. sorry #also i don't think other flavors of ocd are like. less bad than mine. it's all fuckign horrible #and it's all ultimately just as stigmatized of a disorder #but some of my obsession spirals have to do with things that are like. as socially unacceptable and heinous as you can possibly get #which is super fun for me i love it i love it i love it i love it

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scoobrt · 2 months

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ah wow love getting suddenly hit with the worlds worst cocktail of emotions!!! gotta love it

#imposter syndrome vs agonizing loneliness vs anxiety is really beating my ass #its so much fun gang its the greatest <said through tears #i feel too old and too young all at once #any time i try to talk to my mother abt anything she just adds more and more onto it #not to mention that im extremely stressed out abt school that i didnt even want to do to begin with #i have no idea how to talk to people in any fucking capacity without feeling like ive ruined the conversation #its fucking agony i dont understand fucking anything #not to mention i feel like i might as well stop writing because no one gives a fuck #which i know is patently false but even when i try to reassure myself it just feels hollow and pitiful #i feel like im only ever worth anything to people when im giving them something and it sucks shit #its like im giving all i can offer but all i can offer isnt worth anything to people #i have no money no talent barely any skill i feel like a burden and a nuisance everywhere i go #anyways. if youve read all these tags #and i hope to god yoy havent because. christ almighty use your time more wisely.#i had no point. im gonna try to go to bed now #if you saw this post. no you didnt #ik that post abt how you shouldnt trust your emotions past 9 pm #but fuck me this is impossible to ignore rn

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nomaishuttle · 1 year

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i forgot my crown even fell off the ohh my kegs r asleep Legs nit kegs im prohibition til i die. didnt mean that sorry, anyways i oh i just realized this post sounds like i a careless prince whos mother the queen is reprimanding him and im defending myself against her. anyways I forgot my crown fell off the other day

#tbh i held it for a while and then i kinda just stuck that shit back on there LOL. and its on preeeetty firm now #its not a real crown i should clarify its the temporary one from like february. its held up preeeetty well if i do sayso myself. idk why i #ould i didnt make it. my compliments to the chef. sorry guys im in kind of a silly mood rn the painkillers i took r my root canal painkille #s that i had left LOL. i only had 1 and idt they make me high its possible im just like feeling whimsical today i wouldnt know. but it migh #be that but its all good basically is the gist of it all #WHAT MOVIE SHOULD IN WATCH NEXTT BTW. ive watched 3 movies 2 yester well ive watched more than 3 movies a lot more. yk. im 18. white wasnt #my first ever movie experience #what i meant was i get these like Bursts oif movie watching things and then outside of that i never watch movies #isnt it weird how you can see a movie and watch a movie. those r two different things 2 me #seeing a movie is Going to the theater etc etc. watching is just like at home. ig you could also say watched for a theater #but you cant say I saw little shop last night if you just like. watched it at home on your couch or what have you. anyways #what i was saying i think idr that was like 3 minutes ago. was ive watched 3 movies in this movie watching spree and all 3 were movies yhar #zayd reviewed bc well i trust her and she hasnt missed yet.. theyre also all like horror kind of i think which is cool. well idt jawbreaker #is horror. well is it. IDK. but i watched white jawbreakers and then the craft Whaaaats next

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gaystardykeco · 1 year

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need to go home rn actually i cannot be on this trip anymore. like at least when i reach a breaking point at home i have an apartment alone to break down in and regulate myself until im okay enough, there's just no way to do that here at all

#like there is no room other than the bathroom where i can be alone #and i cant be in the bathroom very long bc all eleven of us are sharing two #and every day is just overwhelming things constantly and i just have to be okay and normal for all of it #and i can't even go home and decompress afterward like there is no alone time or privacy or any time for me to like stabilize #and i broke tonight and cried in front of my mom and she started talking about how i shouldnt be like this anymore #and i need a better psychiatrist and she just was so annoyed with me #and im just trying so hard and still failing like this is the best i can fucking do rn #and i know its pathetic and difficult to be around and annoying trust me #like im so aware of how impossible it is to be around me i know and if i could control this i would be better but i cant #i can regulate myself to some degree when i have time alone where i feel safe but i just dont have that option here #and i have to do this for another week and i just dont think i can like theres no way i can and i dont know what to do #cw self harm #ever since i started living alone ive been doing so so much better about not engaging in self harming behaviors #and after just three days of this multiple are coming back bc pain is the only way i can think of that can maybe get me to calm down quickly #and i cant do that like i just cant deal with all this coming back i was doing so fucking well #sorry this is such a long rant and ik its all silly and i need to be grateful i get the chance to go on vacation like this #i just am at such a breaking point like all my mental energy is gone and sleeping hasnt even been recharging it #like i really just need to be alone so i can calm down and reset for a little bit and there just isnt a chance for that #plus i dont have anyone to talk to about this except this stupid fucking blog #i thought maybe my parents knew me well enough to get it but they just dont and that hurts a lot in itself #and i miss having friends i could tell this stuff to that would get it and wouldnt think im pathetic or broken or unlovable for it #i just want to be home so so badly

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whomturgled · 1 year

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yrkeby4ur8

#hi its personal post as tho tumblr is my diary in the tags while still being vague time bc my coping strats are failing me a little and #ig being able to essentially shout into the void is kinda nice like i cld physically write things down but i did a lot of that #already today w sssitnments and my fjfknging joints hurt so here we are!#ig theres also comfort in knowing someone somewhere probably read it. regardless of what they think/feel/the impression it gives them bc.#like. i exist! i guess? idk.#anyway that being said tw for talk of sh and upsettio spaghettio n stuff.#but yeah im like 🤏 close to relapsing with cutting or some sort of. idek.#and the only reasons im resisting are like. its been so long and itd be a shame to break that streak #which funnily enohgh mskes another part of me wana do it MoRE to like. idk. remember. and. punish ?? idk.#but we're ignoring him rn hes being a little too edgy.#and then bc it would feel like im being manipulative and ik if ppl find out they would probably be very . distressed.#and if it were me and i found out i know id be incredibly distressed and maybe a little scared and just knowing other ppl like it just #would not help the situation ykwim itd probably make things worse #also kinda too tired physically emotionally etc rn to do it and go thru it and the aftermath and having to clean up and take care and #trust myself to be. safe. enough. abt it.#but. now hear me out. IF i do it somewhere that isnt super obv or visible. i doubt theyll know anytime soon.#and if things go. in a way thats.. i dont think i can cope with then well ill prob end up right back in this feeling without the like #withstraint of someone who cares and wants to care abt themselves and others and want to control themself and behaviours and health #but that thought in itself feels manipulative bc its like saying either way i wld prob do it teehee like a threat but. its. oeurghgnnfd.#i just. am struggling to cope. i feel things. so much. and. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i think if i have made it this far for this long i will be able to keep going without resorting to that?#but i really do hate that its like. wld be. yeah like turbo bad.#a very small and fucked up part of me feels like if things do go bad then what does it even matter and even better if whoever were to know #that i HAD relapsed bc ig at that point its like. idc who is upset or disappointed or uncomf or scared of/for me and thinks im terrible bc #at that point like. things are all. tumbling (lol) snd messed up so if i am messed up then whatever! ig. ????#but umm. yeah. idk i guess im just frustrated with my own . caring abt being responsible and stuff #there was a time when i was not as likely to be able to resist consequences be damned #im like over here going thru the stages of grief on god fr fr no cap on the stack or whatever ppl say #in other brighter news i managed to get a bit of work done on one of my assignments and some needed friend time but wasnt actually able to

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toastsnaffler · 2 years

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man. getting a little sick of being everyones 15th option for everything. when is it my turn to be someone's first choice :^[

#or even second tbh I'll take it #i had a couple old friends from college msg me recently to tell me what theyve been up to #which is sweet and i care abt them n wanna hear it! but they dont ask after me or show any interest in how I'm doing #and it makes me feel like I'm just their journal or smth. a brick wall they happen to be standing near #don't get me wrong I love to be useful. but when ppl only ever interact w u bc they need smth from u. well.#rly not doing anything good for this complex im developing where my self worth is directly tied to my usefulness to other ppl lmfao #i dont want to be ppls fucking dog!! or not any more than i already am but whatever thats all im good for i guess!!#and i desperately want someone to be my fave person rn bc all my energy is going nowhere + im at my best when im at my most devoted #so ppl treating me like this rn is just making me incredibly vulnerable to being taken advantage of.#like yeah i am eager to please and ill follow anyone around and do whatever for a crumb of attention but maybe #if you're actually my friend u shouldnt be encouraging that behaviour. even if it makes u feel good like cmon thats not so cool man #or if you ARE going to encourage it then maybe u should acknowledge the power dynamic ur creating + try not to abuse it. idk 🤷‍♂️#urgh idk maybe im just saying words rn im very tired #I just feel like all the friendships etc I have atm are slipping into that dangerously unbalanced zone + becoming v one way #and I don't know what I'm doing wrong I'm trying the best I can and I guess its just not enough for anyone and that really really sucks #I'm doing better mentally rn but I dont currently have a support system + there are a lot of destabilising forces in my life #so im just. worried abt the direction things could take if I lose this foothold I've dragged myself onto yknow.#and I wouldnt have to be so worried abt that all of the time if I just had someone literally anyone I could rely on or even trust #but oh well. it is what it is. doing all I can to take care of myself so hopefully it won't come to that anyway.#sorry for rambling on so much if u read this far I'm giving u a kiss on the cheek don't worry abt me honey I've got this #anywayy goodnight #.vent #.diaries

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