#i just wanna keep her in my pocket and give her any amount if pudding

[xenyart]

Heeeyy guysss, I'm going crazy abt smth..(2) 🤸

[chromecutie]

Not A Ghost - part 29

A/N - Multi-part fic. Colossus x OC where OC has come home after being wrongfully imprisoned in the Icebox. Warnings for whole fic - references and flashbacks to harsh prison environment, including various types of abuse. Takes place shortly after events in Deadpool 2. Whole thing will end up on my AO3 eventually.

Taglist: @emma-frxst  @ra-ra-rasputiin  @holamor ​  @empressme-bitch  @marvel-is-perfection  @hazilyimagine ​ @marvelhead17 @rovvboat @angstybadboytrash ​ @whitewitchdown ​ @master-sass-blast ​ @mori-fandom @mooleche @dandyqueen @emberbent @leo-writer . Wanna be added or removed? Holla at me.

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Rhonda tugged at the ugly yellow jumpsuit. Somehow, the Department of Mutant Control had gotten uglier and more uncomfortable jumpsuits. She growled under her breath, "Upgraded the collars, downgraded the clothes. What else did they cut corners on to cover these?"

Wade chirped, "Good ol' privatized prisons! Gotta love 'em, right Jackboot Thug Number Three?" He nudged the guard who was ushering them to the mess hall.

Jackboot Thug Number Three was not amused and hit Wade with the cattle prod he carried. With a pained yelp, he crumpled to his knees on the metal grate they walked on. Rhonda slowed, but didn't stop for fear she'd get hit next. Hair still cold and wet from when the officers hosed her off, she shivered. Wade groaned his way back to his feet, "He's a little spicier than you, Pikachu." He played it cool, but his coughing was worrisome.

The Icebox itself looked mostly how Rhonda remembered it. Chilly, hard surfaces everywhere so even quiet sounds echoed extensively. The areas that Cable had broken through only a matter of months ago had been repaired, but were done with functionality in mind and not uniformity with the rest of the facility. Rebar, concrete, and steel jutted at rough angles. Guards stood watch near many of the repaired areas, making it difficult for inmates to try to investigate if there were any weaknesses.

Passing by a group of inmates, Rhonda only recognized a few, but those gave her dirtier looks than the ones she didn’t know. A man with red-rimmed eyes bared his teeth - filed to points - and hissed at her. Showing infinitely more confidence than she felt, Rhonda said, “Hello to you too, snaggletooth. Miss me?”

 A buzzing alarm rang, and inmates flowed around Rhonda, Wade, and their officer escort to the mess hall. “Go ahead,” their officer said gruffly. “Don’t start any shit in there or I will let you die.” Jackboot Thug Number Three melted away into the crowd, leaving Wade and Rhonda to exchange a look.

“Okay,” Wade was way too cheerful, “Let’s get our lunch trays and figure out which cool kids we can sit with.” 

“Nobody, Wade,” she answered flatly as they got in line for food. “I can’t sit with anybody here.”

The other inmates gave them a wide berth. Trays clacked and slid along the metal rails, and even though everyone was hungry, no one got too close to Rhonda. Wade muttered out of the side of his mouth, “Jesus, what did you do, huh?”

“Not here,” her voice was so raspy she was barely audible when she spoke quietly.

The food that was scooped and plopped onto their plates was beige and barely warm. The mess hall staff said it was beef and noodles, but whatever was passing for beef was too pale. There was also a small scoop of green beans - somehow worse than the canned kind, a half an orange that was dry like it had been cut days ago, and the Icebox’s trademark little chocolate pudding cup. “Still better than my piece of shit dad used to make,” Wade shrugged. Rhonda sighed, remembering why some days she had simply opted out of eating. Something tugged and twisted in her heart.

Shoulders up and head down, Rhonda held her tray close, such as it was, and scanned for a table they could take. As they walked past each one, inmates would spread their elbows or scoot a few inches so they all took up more room than they needed. Making an executive decision, Rhonda planted herself at the end of a table, and if the inmates there wanted a bubble around her, they would have to make one. As Wade settled in across from her, the wiry men who were there first scooted a few inches to put some distance between them.

With no appetite, Rhonda started to force down the food. The noodles were too soft, the meat too salty, though it was pretty much the only flavor on the whole plate. She tried the green beans and had to keep herself from gagging. Why were they slimy? Taking a deep breath, she was still deciding whether she would bother trying the orange, when heavy footsteps stomped from across the mess hall and stopped a few feet away from her table. 

“New bitches give me their pudding,” a deep voice echoed through the room and somehow managed to sound a little whiny.

“Ooh, here we go!” Wade said gleefully as he bit into the rind of his orange like it was an apple. 

She briefly closed her eyes and shook her head, her heart already surging with adrenaline. “We’re not new,” she replied, just loudly enough to be heard.

“Oh?” the deep voice grew louder and he took a couple steps. “Because I ain’t seen you here. Where the hell you been if you ain’t new?”

Rhonda fought to keep her breathing slow, controlled. “I’m not gonna spend time explaining myself to idiots.” She glanced over her shoulder, just to gauge this petulant aggressor. 

He was meaty, had a bit of a gut. There was a big burn scar on his face, which spread down his neck and trailed under his collar. His breathing was heavy, though he didn't look like he'd recently exerted himself. His face started turning red as he huffed, "Listen, bitch. You're new, and I'm gonna get your pudding."

Looking back to Wade before the man was even done talking, Rhonda rolled her eyes and shook her head. She knew this type all too well. No amount of conflict de-escalation could salvage this conversation. "Play your intimidation show with someone else." She wasn't loud, but her dry throat sounded like she'd just drank cement mix. Her tone was flat, neutral. Unfortunately, belligerent idiots still hear neutral as combative. Especially when other inmates start snickering.

The red-faced brute came hurtling his full force at Rhonda, and at the last second she swung her legs around the end of the bench, spinning to her feet. She grabbed the man by the back of his head and slammed his face into the edge of the metal table--to a sickening, wet crunch of his teeth breaking. Pieces of his teeth flew over the table. He howled in shock and pain, blood pouring from his mouth, lips busted.

Rhonda shoved him away from her, onto the floor. She picked up her little plastic cup of pudding--the only not-terrible thing in the Icebox and the single hottest commodity--and threw the damn thing on the ground with her whole strength, close to the man’s head. The foil seal broke and pudding splattered over the concrete floor. 

The rest of the inmates stopped laughing and fell silent, watching.

Rhonda wanted to roar and shout, but her throat was too sore, voice too hoarse. Instead, she croaked at the man moaning on the ground, “If you want my pudding so bad, you will lick it off the fucking floor.” When he didn’t move, she tangled her fist in his hair and shoved his face in it, snarling, “Go on, lick it! I’ll wait.” 

He made pitiful sounds, and after some hesitation, finally started licking it off the floor. 

“Wade, come piss on this idiot,” she waved him over.

He winced and balked, “Aw, come on, it hurts to pee!”

She answered him with a glare that very clearly said, Motherfucker, do not test me here or I will make an example of you.

He gave a whining groan like a kid being told to take out the trash, and crossed over to piss on the man who attacked Rhonda.

She searched the immediate area and picked up the broken pieces of teeth from the table and floor. Rattling them in her hand, she raised her voice just loud enough for the other inmates (though it hurt to speak), “Next person who touches me eats these teeth.”

When there was no answer, the inmates resumed their meals and Rhonda and Wade returned to their seats. She forced down her food, despite her nausea, and hoped she didn’t regret it later. 

“Soooo,” Wade raised his eyebrows and picked at his food, “Guess I’m never stealing any french fries from your Happy Meal. Food aggressive, much?”

She chewed her next few bites just as little as she could get away with in order to swallow her food, before giving up eating any more. “If we have the slightest chance for survival,” she said, “We’re gonna have to get control over as much of the prison as possible.”

“Sooner’s better than later,” Wade agreed. “We don’t know what kind of timeline we have.”

Scanning the room with the corner of her eye, Rhonda observed, "You see the tall, skinny guy with the blue hair?" When Wade confirmed, she continued, "He's sitting with the Vicious 13. Last time I was here, he was high-ranking with the Red Disciples." She stole a glance around the room. "I don't see who I'd expect for the Disciples, so something happened. We need to find what."

They finished their meals and as they returned their trays, the other inmates gave them sideways glances. It was respectful - sort of - like the way all animals must drink during a drought, and there will be surprising moments of tenuous peace. However, as people clustered to return trays was also a good time for a whole gang to shank one victim and then disperse with no one sure who did the attack. When neither Rhonda nor Wade was stabbed, she was sure the semi-respectful glances were the other inmates sizing her up, calculating who could take her down, when, and how.

“I see it too,” Wade’s voice was low in her ear, “Come on.” He pinched part of her jumpsuit to lead her to a less crowded part of the mess hall, less obvious than taking her by the elbow. They could hear the tiny rattle and rustle of the teeth fragments in Rhonda’s pocket. Her exterior looked calm enough, but her heart was pounding and she kept every muscle tensed just to keep from trembling. When they were out of everyone’s arm’s reach, Wade had a coughing fit. It was a deep, choppy cough that wracked his body.

Rhonda put a hand on his shoulder, brows creasing, “What’s wrong?”

Wade groaned as his cough subsided, “Probably a bunch of fuckin’ tumors. I didn’t tell you my superpower is just not dying of cancer?”

Realization dawned and turned to horror on her face. “So the collar...Wade! Why did you jump in on this?”

A guard barked, “Inmates! Turn in for the night. Lights out in one hour.”

Clearing his throat to stave off another coughing fit, he answered, “Because I’m the right choice. If Cable’s cut off from his powers, his metal arm will become his metal everything; we already covered how Colossus wouldn’t make it a day without getting his shit wrecked. Maybe Domino would get by fine, but I know the Icebox better.”

Stunned, Rhonda said quietly, “I could do this on my own if I had to.”

“It’s bad enough to send you back in here at all,” Wade shook his head, “Nobody’s saying you aren’t tough, but everyone’s got their limits.”

“How long do you have?” her voice cut out in her hoarse whisper, like a phone call with a bad connection.

Wade shrugged, “At least a few days, we’ll be fine.”

Her eyes widened in dread. Before she could answer, the guard yelled a few feet away from them, “INMATES! Cells! Now.”

Wade squared his shoulders and turned on the charm with a fake English accent, “Ah, concierge! Show us to our rooms please, we’ve only just arrived.”

The officer gripped his cattle prod, a warning. Then he waved his hand to usher them along. They shuffled up some stairs, steps echoing through the concrete cavern. He led them to their cell block and stopped at one cell that was occupied by what looked like a werewolf with terrible mange. “You’re in here,” he shoved Wade in.

The realization that they were separating made Rhonda’s heart leap into her throat, veins turning cold.

If Wade was worried, he didn’t let it show. He waved, “Bye, bestie! See you in the morning!”

Somehow, she forced herself to nod and allowed the guard to herd her further down the row to her cell. Someone was in there, but it was too dark to see who; the lights were busted in that cell. There was something cruel in the way the guard chuckled, “Good luck, mutie,” as he pushed Rhonda in, right before the doors mechanically slid closed.

“I heard the rumors that Guestbook was back,” a feminine voice like crushed velvet purred, “but I didn’t believe it until I saw for myself.”

Rhonda sighed, irritated. “Hello, Mimi.”

[toms-order]

Bad Reputation

So this is my secret santa gift to: @sunshiney-souls

A Tom Holland au.

I hope you like it love!! Merry Christmas!!

Because my computer is broken this will be posted as a series, since tumblr will only let me do a certain amount of space on here!

Chapter one: the library

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Tom Holland. The name was known. He hangs around all the frat guys, despite not actually being in one. He’s average height, brown hair, brown eyes and a nice smile. You couldn’t lie, he was handsome. He had a reputation for playing with girls hearts. That’s why you knew to stay away from him. You’ve heard the rumors, you’ve seen a girl’s heart being stomped on with your own eyes. He had a bad reputation around the university since freshman year, and you planned to stay far from it. And you succeeded all the way through till senior year. You were surprised to see him in your class, he usually didn’t care about anything you were interested in. Although you couldn’t be so sure, you never actually did have a conversation with him, but you knew enough to where you didn’t want to. He made his rounds through all the girls in your grade,except for the taken ones and you of course. You weren’t stupid, you weren’t gullible like the others. You weren’t gonna fall for the “you’re different from the rest” bullshit. You were smart. You could never fall for someone like him.

You were a different story than Tom Holland. You tried to stay on the down low. You never went to parties, or hooked up with random guys. You studied most of the time. The only time you weren’t studying is when you would read or watch youtube videos. You never wanted any attention on yourself. You liked being alone. You liked all the attention away from you. You were the complete opposite of him. There was just no way you’d two would ever get along.

~~~

The professor had just assigned you seats for your groups. Of course you were placed in the back. You never minded the back, however your eyesight was not the best. You were fine with anyone in the class, except for him. You pleaded for anyone to sit next to you, anyone but him. But of course, his name was called. You cursed under your breath as he found his place next to you. You rubbed your temples in fustration.You wanted your last year to be simple, but it already seemed like nothing was gonna be easy.

“Stressed?” You heard his voice. You let out a breath.

“Very.” You spoke quietly. You didn’t wanna give him much attention, you were hoping the less attention you gave him the less he would talk to you.

Your attention was away from him, your eyes staring down at the desk, instead of at him. You knew he was staring at you, you felt his eyes, but you didn’t care.

“How can you be stressed, it’s only the first week.” He says.

You rolled your eyes. You weren’t gonna tell him the real reason why you were stressed was because you had to sit next to him the whole year. You weren’t that rude. Plus your mind was telling you it was rude to mistreat him when he hasn’t done anything to you directly.

“It’s been an eventful one.” You were telling the truth. The first week of school was always the worst for you. You were always disorganized, always getting lost even though you’ve been at the school for four years now.

That was the end of the first conversation you had ever had with Tom Holland. He didn’t say anything after. You figured you had disinterested him enough that he didn’t wanna speak to you. And you were fine with that.

~~~

Weeks went by with little to no conversations with Tom. He usually skipped the class, which you expected from him. The times he was there the only interaction you had was when he asked for a pencil. You tried your hardest to not let his presence affect your mood. You didn’t know why he bothered you so much. Maybe it’s his stupid cocky grin or his need to play with every girl in school. Maybe it was how he thought he was better than everyone else, and never cared about school. Whatever it was, he drove you insane. You wanted nothing to do with him.

You were sat in the library. Your notebooks and books were sprawled out in front of you, and so was the macbook your grandma had gotten you for class.  It was the beginning of the year and you already had an essay and a quiz to work on. You decided it was best to get the essay out of the way before the quiz. The library was one of your favorite places to study. It was quiet, barely anyone was in there most of the time. You were almost positive most students didn’t even know where it was.

It was late so say the least. Time ticked by and before you knew it, the library was just about to close. You didn't even notice everyone getting up to leave. You didn't notice the lights turn off, you were too invested in your essay. You didn't notice the sound of the doors shutting. It took about thirty minutes for you to fully comprehend what time it was. Your eyes hovered over the time on your computer screen. Your eyes went wide as you yanked your head up, scanning the darm room for any more people. You ripped your head phones off, scampering to get all your stuff together. With your computer in one hand and your bag in another, you raced towards the door, groaning loudly when they didn't open.

"That's just fantastic." You said to yourself.

You started to think of a way out. You could call someone? But who would you call? It wasn't like you had any friends. You didn't even have a roomate anymore. She had moved in with her friend sophomore year. You couldn't call the office, they were also closed.

As you racked your brain for a plan you heard something.

"Is anyone there?" A man's voice said.

Goosebumps formed on your arms. You didn't recognize who it was. And who would also be stuck in a library on a Saturday night. You were hoping it was a janitor or someone who could get you out.

"Hello?" You called out, walking through the bookshelves for the voice.

When you saw the source of the voice, you felt your heart drop to your stomach. Tom fucking Holland.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" You asked.

He shined his phone light at you, making you squint at the brightness of the light.

He ignored your question. "What are you doing here?"

You placed your thinks neatly on the floor, stepping closer to Tom. "I asked you first."

He ignored you again. "Did you get locked out?"

You nodded, sighing. You put your hands in the pockets of your sweats. You started to clench your hands in your pockets, a nervous habit of yours.

"Do you know how I can get out?" You asked politely. You just wanted to get out of there. You wanted to go in your own bed and sleep.

But of course, Tom shook his head. "I usually wait till morning."

You raised your eyebrows at him. "This happen to you before?" You asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Sometimes."

You were surprised. You didn't think you'd ever catch Tom Holland at a library.

"I don't believe you." You say, grabbing his attention awah from his feet.

His eyes looked into yours. "Why's that?"

"You don't seem like the type to hang in the library." You shrug your shoulders.

He scoffs. "You think you know so much about me?"

"I think I know enough."

He shook his head, thats when you noticed his loose curls. His hair was usually gelled up. "You don't know anything about me."

You didn't say anything. He was right. You didn't know much about him, but that didn't stop you from judging him. You had a reason to, you thought. You saw the way he treated women. He treated them like they were sex objects to be played with. And for that you didn't like him. For that, you judged him.

Tom shinned his light over your bag when you didn't reply. "Already studying?" He teased you.

You shrugged your shoulders. You didn't wanna be on his bad side. It seemed like you were stuck with him for awhile. You might as well act polite.

Then your stomach growled, interrupting the awkward silence. You chuckled, not really embarrassed about it. You remembered you hadn't eaten anything singe breakfast.

Tom chuckled. "You hungry?" He asked.

You nodded. There sure as hell wasn't food in the library, so you didn't know what you were gonna do.

Tom sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Come on, I know where Mrs. Hemingway hides all her snacks." He gestered with his head to follow him.

You didn't waste anytime. You were too hungry to argue. You quickly grabbed your belongings from the floor and followed after him. He led the way with his phone flashlight. You never noticed how scary the library really was.

"How do you know where she keeps it?" You asked.

He shrugged his shoulders. "I just do. It wasn't hard to find." He answered vaguely.

He stopped at her desk. He didn't waste any time opening the drawer to the right and rummaging through all the snacks.

"You want snickers, cheetos, what looks like pudding, or a king sized twix bar?" He called out all the names while placing them on the desk.

"Cheetos." You say, taking the bag of cheetos from the desk.

He shut the drawer, quickly grabbing the twix bar.

You sat on the desk chair while he sat on top of the desk. None of you spoke, it was just the sound of crunching, which made your ears a little upset with you.

You couldn't take the sound any longer, so you just decided to make conversation.

"What time do you think they're gonna open up?" You asked quietly.

He shrugged swallowing the twix in his mouth. "Around 10 ish maybe."

Your eyes widen. "10 ish? We're stuck in here till then?" You said in disbelief.

He nodded. "Trust me this is not how I wanted my Saturday to go."

"Right. I bet you had plans." You rolled your eyes. You were sure he had some frat party he wants to attend.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

You shrugged. "Just means I never would've expected you at the library so late. You seem like the type to go to frat parties every Saturday."

He scoffs kicking off the desk and turning his attention towards you. "You know your pretty judgemental."

You sat up. "I'm not judgemental."

The truth was, you tried not to be, but with someone like Tom it was hard not to judge.

"You don't know anything about me yet here you are assuming everything about me." He snaps.

It was your turn to scoff. "Well maybe if you didn't already have such a horrible reputation. I wouldn't be judging." You knew what you were saying probably didn't make any sense, but you had no idea what to say to him.

He was correct, but you didn't wanna tell him that.

"My reputation?" He paused, raising his eyebrows. "I don't have some sort of reputation. Okay? This isn't grease!"

You stood up from your seat, the cheetos on your lap fell to the floor, forgotten about. "Oh please the whole school knows all about your games." You snap. You couldn't help it anymore, you were done trying to be polite.

"What little games?" He asked, his face in clear anger at you.

"The little games you like to play with girls." You paused wondering if you should continue. "You like to draw them in and play with them till you finally get what you want and leave."

You had seen it with your own eyes before. You were walking the hallways of the school when you saw the scene. Tom stood, leaning against the wall while a girl was clearly yelling at him. He looked bored out of his mind while the poor girl was crying.

You tired not to listen, but curiousity got the best of you.

She said. "You're a dumb stupid pig and you should be ashamed of yourself." She said it so angry you couldn't get it out of your head.

You hadn't heard what he said next but it led her to run away crying.

His expression turns blank, like hes thinking about what to say.

Before he could finally open his mouth, the library door opens. Both of your eyes snap towards it, watching as the janitor walks in.

You let out a breath of relief as you grab your stuff. The janitor looks surprised to see you, but gestures towards the door without a word. You nod your head at him, signalling a thanks before stomping out of the library, still clearly upset at the stupid boy behind you. Except he didn't leave the library with you, he stayed behind, and you didn't care to know why.

*********************************

End of chapter one! Hope you like it enough to continue lol.

[eyez-ff-blog]

○○ eyez | fifty

December 18 – New York City, 6pm

The hospital’s waiting room was quiet for the most part. The occasional mutter of conversation filled the air from other families that waited in the area, but for the most part there was a comfortable silence. It was the weirdest sense of déjà vu that he had ever experienced, but going through it in a different position seemed to relax him a bit more, if only for a moment. He didn’t have to worry too greatly about anything happening, or at least that’s what he would tell himself.

“Daddy,” He glanced down at the little girl in his lap, and she held up the now empty cup of chocolate pudding. “I done,” She announced.

“Okay, let me see,” He took the cup from her before tossing it in the trash can near his seat.

“J, I got your food,” He glanced up as he saw Beija enter the waiting room, holding up a bag filled with to-go boxes. “Sorry it took me so long, the line was crazy,” She sat down next to Jermaine before she untied the plastic bag, passing him one of the containers.

“Me too,” Janiya reached for the box in Beija’s lap.

“I know, I got you some chicken,” Beija opened the box filled with chicken strips and fries, and broke the girl a piece before she sated the girl for a little while. “Any update on Nicole?” She asked.

“Nah. Ib texted me about 30 minutes ago so that was the last I heard,” J mumbled as he carefully bit into his cheeseburger.

“Come here so daddy can eat his food,” Beija instructed before grabbing Niya and sitting the child in the empty seat next to her. Once J had the space to he began to eat his food, not realizing how hungry he had been beforehand. “I got the final numbers back from the Food Drive in November—we were able to raise a good amount,” She announced.

“Good. And we’re still doing the announcement about the festival in March, right?” J asked, and the woman gave a quiet nod before he stole one of her fries, popping it into his mouth.

“...You nervous?” J glanced over at Beija, who was watching him with curious eyes. He nodded slowly, and she gently rubbed his shoulder before squeezing him in an assuring manner. “It’ll be okay, J. I promise,” She said.

“I know. Doesn’t stop me from being nervous,” He said softly before he glanced up, hearing quickened footsteps enter the waiting room. Ibrahim stood at the archway of the waiting room, the broadest smile on his face. “It’s done?” He asked.

“It’s done, man. They’re getting cleaned up,” Ib sighed happily, and J shot him a congratulatory nod as the man approached him and offered him a firm handshake.

“Aw, congratulations! When can we see them?” Beija asked.

“Once we get them back in and name them they’ll go to the nursery. Then you guys can come see them,” He said as Niya held her hands out towards the man.

“Ibby,” Niya called out.

“Oh hey, beautiful! You’re awake now?” Ib grabbed the girl gently before pulling her into his arms. “You’re a big cousin now, you know that?” He said as Niya looked at him curiously, rubbing at his beard as she usually did when she saw him.

“Y’all spoil her so much,” Beija shook her head as she bit into one of her chicken tenders.

“I know you not talking. And I know once my girls get big enough you’re gonna do nothing but spoil them,” Ib chuckled as he let the girl down onto the ground again. “I just came to tell y’all the good news—when I come back when can go see them,” He said, and J nodded as the man left the room.

“I’m so happy for them...look how happy he was, man,” J said to himself as he watched Niya return to her seat next to Beija, looking to get more food. “And to think that’ll be us again soon,” He smirked as he glanced over at his wife.

“Uh-huh. What if I end up having twins? Or triplets? Would you be able to handle that?” Beija’s teasing tone only brought a laugh from the man.

“I think I could, possibly. I mean, I handle Niy pretty well,” He said.

“Hmph—if you say so, Lamarr. We’ll have to let Ib and Nic have a date night and take care of the twins. I wanna see what you’d do,” B smiled as she laid her head on his shoulder. “Now, are you feeling a bit better about today?” She asked.

“There’s still one more thing to worry about, but I feel a little bit better.”

“Okay so this one is Sabrina,” Nicole nodded her head towards the little girl that Ibrahim held in his arms; he was so wrapped within her that he wasn’t even paying attention to the conversation at hand. “And this one right here and Selina,” She smiled as she looked down at the other twin that she held in her own arms.

“They’re beautiful, Nic. I’m so happy for you,” Jermaine mumbled, watching as Selina gently wiggled in Nicole’s arms.

“Shoot, I’m happy for me too. Pushing them out was no cake walk,” Nic chuckled softly as the nurses came into the room to take the girls to the nursery. “But it’s over now. Now, I’ll just have to worry about recovery. They’re going to have me in here for another week,” She explained.

“Sounds about right. Gotta make sure you’re in good shape,” J insisted.

“That’s just code word for ‘Ib is not gonna let me do anything for at least three months.’ Tch, as if he doesn’t baby me already,” Nicole frowned a bit.

“Hey, I gotta make sure you’re okay, babe. That’s all,” Ib chuckled before he stood to his feet. “We were all nervous for you, you know? For reasons,” He said.

“Oh, I know. I just like to give you a hard time,” Nic smirked before she ran a hand across her forehead. “How’s my girls, though? Ib told me Niya was here.”

“Oh, they’re good. Babygirl was asking about her auntie. I’m sure she’ll be happy when she can see you,” J slipped his hands into his pocket as he spoke. “And Beija’s doing fine. We’re just getting ready to prepare for baby number two,” He added.

“Wait...so she is pregnant? We’re for sure about that?”

“We’re about a month in, yeah.”

“Yes! Congratulations,” Nic let out a laugh. “You think you’re going to have another girl?” She asked.

“Don’t know. I just hope it’s healthy, honestly. I just want everything to go smooth this time around. I know that’s been on her mind, too,” Jermaine felt a vibration in his pocket, and he pulled out his phone as he heard the overlapping vibrations from another phone in the room as well.

Ibrahim pulled his phone out of his pocket, and the two of them were quiet for a moment as they checked the consistent notifications that were pouring into their devices. Jermaine read across his lit screen and his heart almost stopped at the message he had received.

It was a new tweet from The Grammys’ official Twitter account: Nominees for best Hip-Hop/Rap Album: @chancetherapper, @drake, @JIDsv, @JColeNC...

“J...Jermaine,” He looked up at his best friend, and a broad smile crossed his face before the two of them shook hands.

“What? What happened?” J could hear Nicole’s confusion as he rushed out of the room. He had to find Beija.

“Beija...Beija! Baby!” He rushed into the waiting room, where Beija was waiting with Janiya. Her face was twisted in confusion and he grinned as he held out his phone. “We got it. We got the nom,” His hands were nearly trembling as he spoke, but he didn’t care.

“Wait...what?” Beija grabbed her phone and unlocked it, looking over the flurry of texts that hit her phone as well. “Not just you—Courtney, Whitney, Zeus—all the ones we submitted got nominations!” She hopped out of her seat and rushed into his arms before she began to laugh.

The two hugged each other tightly, and Jermaine picked the woman off the ground before spinning her around, leaving her in a fit of laughter before he kissed all over her face. “I love you. I love you. I fucking love you,” He mumbled against her skin before he pulled back, looking over at his daughter before he approached her, picking her up out of her seat.

“Daddy did a good job, Niya!” Beija briefly explained, and Janiya smiled as she patted Jermaine’s cheeks gently.

“Yay Daddy,” She said, and J let out a small laugh before he kissed her forehead.

December 25

A soft groan left his body as he stretched his legs out within his sheets—his feet poked from under the thick blankets, and he sighed as his eyes blinked open, checking the clock that sat on the bedside table. It was a little after eight in the morning, and he could hear the clattering of dishes from the kitchen, and he closed his eyes slowly before yawning, shaking off the fatigue of spending the previous night wrapping presents. Slowly lifting himself out of the bed, he grabbed some clothes before retreating to the bathroom to take a hot shower.

After washing up, he dried off and applied lotion to his body before putting on some deodorant and putting on his usual lounging clothes. He walked out of the bathroom before he slid on a pair of socks to combat the chilly floor—he was sure that Beija turned on the heater, but these days he found himself easy to get cool down but hard to keep warm. Exiting the bedroom, he headed on towards Janiya’s room to see if she was awake. The girl could sleep through just about anything at night now, so she was usually up and aware earlier than even her mother these days. “Good morning,” He made his presence known, and the little girl got up immediately to try to get to him.

“Daddy,” She greeted, and he held her up in his arms. “Eat,” She requested.

“Magic word?”

“Peas.”

“Yes, we can eat,” He carried her out of the room before heading down the hallway towards the living room. The sight of covered foil plates seemed to scatter on the kitchen island as Beija stood at the stove, the mixture of sweet and savory smells filling the air. “Merry Christmas,” He greeted.

“Hey, you’re up,” Beija nodded towards the dining room table. “Take a seat—breakfast is almost done,” She announced.

The family sat down to a breakfast of pancakes and fruit, and afterwards Jermaine seemed to be in full ‘holiday mode.’ Out of the two of them it was usually Beija who was the most excited about the holidays. Jermaine usually only saw Christmas as a huge ploy for people to spend money and although he still felt that way, he tried to put on a brave face for Janiya. Being able to see her reactions to her gifts would far surpass the political side of things that often overshadowed the true meaning of the day. He helped Beija wash the dishes and once all was cleaned up, they brought Niya over to the tree to open her gifts.

Jermaine slowly sat down on the ground by the tree, crossing his legs Indian style before Janiya crawled into his lap and mimicked his stance. “You wanna open your presents, baby?” He asked before passing her a box.

He watched Niya rip the paper up before she held up the box with the baby doll inside. “Baby!” She squealed, and Beija laughed as she taped the girl on the camera. Jermaine continued to pass the girl boxes, and she opened them, genuinely excited at the combination of dolls, cars, stuffed animals and books. One of her larger gifts was a three-wheeled bicycle fit for a toddler. “Bike,” Niya pointed at the blue and black toy, complete with a big red bow.

“That’s right! Now you and daddy can ride bikes together,” Beija chuckled softly. “Thank daddy; he got that for you,”

“Tank,” Niya peered up at her father with a grin.

“You’re welcome,” Jermaine raised an eyebrow before he glanced over at Beija. “Go get the last one,” He instructed.

“Oh yeah,” Beija quickly got up, and Jermaine smirked as he wrapped an arm around Niya, watching her curious face before he heard small paws against the wooden floor. A blur of light brown fur came around the corner, and Niya squealed loudly as she pulled from her father’s grip.

“Dog!” Niya jumped up and down before the American Pit Bull Terrier puppy sniffed at her feet. “Hi,” The girl cooed, and the dog gently licked her hand before she hugged it gently.

“What you wanna name it, Niya? It’s a boy,” Jermaine asked, and Niya looked up at him as she tilted her head.

“Ooh...why don’t we name him Leo? Since she likes lions,” Beija suggested. “What do you think, baby?” She asked.

“Lee,” Niya rubbed the top of the dog’s head before smiling.

“Leo it is,” J chuckled softly before he passed a couple boxes over to Beija. “Now, time for your presents,” He said.

“Oh?” Beija passed J the camera so he could continue to film. The first present that was opened was a homemade card—the scribbles on the page made it clear who it was from. “Oh! Now who drew this?” She asked.

Niya giggled as she walked over and looked at the picture. “Look,” She pointed at it.

“I see! How pretty. Thank you,” Beija kissed the girl’s forehead before opening the box that came with it. Inside was a diamond tennis bracelet. Beija let out a gasp before she looked at Janiya. “Did you pick this out for mommy?” She asked, and Niya smiled widely. “Thank you so much! It’s so pretty,” Beija fastened the bracelet on before chuckling to herself.

“And the next one is from me,” J said with a small smile, watching as Niya sat next to her mother.

Beija opened the gift and J smiled broadly at the look on her face when she pulled out the exquisite box that held a pallet of eyeshadows and blushes that Beija had been raving about for the past couple of weeks. “Baby! You knew I’ve been wanting this,” She laughed.

“Mhm. Gotta make sure my baby stay cute,” He smirked a bit as he peeked from behind the camera.

“Boy, I am always cute! That’s why you like me,” She chuckled a bit before she took the camera back. “Now, open your gifts,” She said.

“Daddy, look,” Janiya grabbed a box and slid it in his direction before she sat down in front of him. Leo walked over and sat himself in her lap.

“Did you get this for me?” He raised his eyebrows, and he unwrapped the gift before he looked down at the stack of vinyl records. “Oh, nice! All this Prince...you know that’s my guy,” He smiled.

“Prince,” Niya nodded as she tried her interpretation of one of his ad-libs, causing Jermaine to laugh loudly.

“That’s your child. Straight up,” Beija giggled a bit as she handed Jermaine the last box that was under the tree. “That’s from me. You can deal with it later on,” She said, and he unwrapped the paper carefully before he saw that it was a stack of envelopes, all addressed to him.

He nodded slowly before he sat them on top of the vinyl records. It seemed like a personal gift, and he wanted to give it his undivided attention when everyone was winding down.

After cleaning up the stray wrapping paper, Jermaine spent time playing around with Janiya and Leo, who the girl seemed to fall in love with almost instantly. She was gentle with the puppy, and the animal was quite happy himself to be with her. When J saw him at the local animal shelter, he just knew he’d be the right fit for the family. He hadn’t had a pet of his own since he was a kid, and he wanted his daughter to share the same joy. They spent a good chunk of the day being outside, making snowmen and playing with the falling snowflakes before playing inside for most of the day. Between watching her play with Leo and her other toys, the happiness that radiated from the smallest in the Cole household made Christmas once again a worthy time for Jermaine. He’d do anything to see that smile on her face.

Christmas dinner had hit the spot as usual—J couldn’t even count how many times he had picked at the spiral honey ham, and he nearly ate the entire pan of macaroni and cheese. The mashed potatoes and candied yams were amazing, the yeast rolls with the honey butter glaze that Alisha taught Beija was other worldly, and Jermaine had to stop himself from eating the entire two sweet potato pies that B had baked. Thankfully he had no space for the strawberry pound cake she made or else he would have nearly devoured all of it as well.

After dinner came hot baths and preparing Janiya for bed; as much as the girl wanted to fight the inevitable, her active day won the battle and she was fast asleep before the day was done. Jermaine stayed up with Leo for a while as Beija cleaned up the house, and before long he was left alone in the living room as Leo slept quietly in his dog bed by the fireplace. The male glanced at his gifts before he grabbed the stack of envelopes and untied them. He sorted through each envelope, seeing that there were dates on them now that he had a chance to inspect them—they had ranged from the day before their wedding until as recent as back when they found out she was pregnant again. He decided to open the first dated letter, and he relaxed in his seat so he could begin to read.

Jermaine,

I don’t know if I’ll ever actually give this to you, or if you’ll ever care enough to read it. I just know that these days, I can only articulate what I want to say through writing. I guess I learned that from you. But can you believe that we’re getting married tomorrow? By that time, I will no longer hold my last name, but yours. My life will not only be just mine, but ours. Our daughter will see her parents becoming husband and wife, and I don’t think there’s a better gift that we could give her. I feel like she has such a great example for the man she needs to look for in her life...well, if she chooses to swing that way. But that’s beside the point, I suppose.

I don’t know if I ever told you about the first time I realized that I had feelings for you. I always tried to repress those moments...that summer of 2015 was the best of my life. I learned so much about you that year and you became more than just my favorite rapper. You became my best friend, my confidant, my hero, and the one person who broke through every wall I tried to hold up to keep you from me. And I knew I felt for you the night you performed on my birthday in Paris. Remember, you gave me that book of all your lyrics and poems. I still feel so warm and tingly every time I think about the fact that you gave me a piece of your life that day. Even when we were just getting back to being friends, you still cared enough to give me something so special, and I just knew what we had wasn’t typical. I just felt so guilty that I tucked it away.

But then, that night you performed. I cried during Love Yourz, and I just knew then you were the most special person in my life. I felt God surrounding you that night—you commanded the crowd and brought this undeniable spirit out of every member of that crowd. Half of them knew no English, but knew every J. Cole song from Forest Hills Drive down to the last syllable...you inspired me so much. You have for so many years, and that night you touched my heart because you said something on stage that night. Before you began the last song on the set, you said “a beautiful soul once told me that you must inhale love and energy, and release doubt and negativity.”

You thought my soul was beautiful. You remembered that I told you that when the tour started. I still can’t believe you cared to remember that.

We have been through a hell of a lot together to get to this point. I know I haven’t been the best I could be, either. I have done nothing but make you work for me, and I apologize. You chased me...you ended your marriage. You endured the media, you gracefully took the blame. But most importantly, you saved me from myself more times than I could count—I don’t know if I thanked you for dealing with me, but I am now and I will always be grateful. I never have or will regret the things I told you in Fayetteville for those very reasons. But I feel like I take you for granted sometimes. I feel like you don’t tell me everything because you want to spare me from your demons. I feel so selfish for it and I wish you knew how much I want to help you too. I want us both to be the best us we can be, and I promise I will try harder! When things grow rough, I will remember every word we’ve shared, your kisses, the sound of your beautiful voice, and the labor of love that runs around calling us mama and daddy.

My love for you has run deeper than I ever could have imagined. I don’t know how you did it, but you made a girl who almost stopped believing in fairy tales feel like a princess in every sense of the word. You’ve taught me so much and even though we will now be united as a couple, I know you’ll never let me lose who I am. I’ll always be Beija to you, and not just Mrs. Cole, and that’s the difference between you and any other man I could have had. Sometimes I feel like God made things how they were so I could find my way to you. Every failed relationship, every rejection, every night I spent at home studying instead of going out chasing guys, every night I cried wondering if I’d ever be good enough: even the drama with your divorce and my depression and the endurance within those storms—it was all preparation. It was all to prepare me for this life and for a man whose heart speaks to me in a language tailor made for my heart to respond to accordingly.

My heart has yearned for you more and more every day for a long time, Jermaine. And it will do so long after we leave this earth. Please remember as we continue in this life that there is very little that I won’t do for you or your happiness. I love you so much. I can’t wait to finally be yours forever.

- Beija

“Wow,” Jermaine whispered as he stared down at the letter, feeling the warmth wash over his face before he sat the paper down in his lap. He blew air into his cheeks before blowing the air out slowly, and he sighed softly as a small smile crossed his face. He folded the letter slowly before he placed it back into the envelope, and sat the envelope with the rest. Picking up his gifts, he carefully transferred them to the master suite.

“Hey,” He looked over at Beija, who was in another one of her books as he sat his gifts on the dresser. “Was Leo still awake?” She asked.

“Nah. I was just up chilling,” He walked over to the bed and got in next to her. He slowly grabbed her waist before pulling her into his lap.

“J,” She whined softly as he chuckled, and he leaned down and kissed her temple gently. “So did you get to see any of your other present?” She asked curiously.

“I read one of them,” He said, and he wrapped his arms around her, placing two hands upon her stomach. “if they’re all as well written as the one I read, I’m in for a good time,” A light chuckle left his lips before he let out a sigh. “I love you, B. You know that?”

“I do.”

“And you love me?”

“Of course.”

J kissed the back of her neck before he relaxed a bit, watching her as she began to start reading her book again. He laid his head against the back of her neck, and he closed his eyes as he kept his body still. He wasn’t mentally or physically tired just yet, but he was feeling a bit affectionate and wanted his woman close. If this feeling came with the holiday season, then Jermaine could get behind the idea.