#i just think itd help me out a lot
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Honestly guys I’m tired of beating around the bush with silly analysis posts and funny tags on people’s art so I’m just gonna say what I’ve been thinking about for a whole year
I desperately need Kuruto Ryuki to get a boyfriend and I need him to get dicked down so hard he dies
#aitsf#kuruto ryuki#if i cant do it myself then i gotta at least have someone do it#i just think itd help me out a lot#i do have a wip though for a fic i wanna do where ryuki does get a bf#amongst other things#and i oh so desperately wanna talk about it but also like i dont have everything smoothed out yet and i get scared to write#i do have some stuff actually written though so at least thats something#if anyone wants to know more i guess i can talk about it 🙀#but yeah ryuki needs to get dicked down its what he deserves 💙
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i feel like im not making any sense but does anyone else feel like there are stories that let u run with them and ones that spell everything out for you
#im reading that post that says artists are directors of audience reaction and not its dictator:#'you cannot guarantee that everyone viewing your work will react as you are trying t make them react. a good artist knows that this is what#allows work to breath. by definition you cannot have art where the viewer brings nothing to the table ... this is why you have to let go of#the urge to plainly state in text exactly how you think the work should be interpreted ... its better to be misinterpreted sometimes than#to talk down to your audience. you wont even gain any control that way; people will still develop their opinions no matter what you do#im thinking abt this again cuz i was thinking maybe the thing that lets adventure time work so well the way it does is cuz it doesnt#take itself too seriously that it gives the audience enough room to fuck with subtext and then fuck with them back yknow. i think it was#mentioned somewhere that they werent even planning to run with the postapocalyptic elements that are hinted in the show but changed their#mind after the one off with the frozen businessmen and dominoed into marcy and simons backstory. on the other side there are stories that#explain too much to let the story speak for itself and i think it ends up having to do more with the crew trying to lead ppl in a certain#direction than expand on what they have and i see a lot of this with miraculous. like when interviews and tweets are used as word of god in#arguments and it becomes a little stifling to play around with it knowing the creator can just interject. u can say its the crews effort to#engage with its audience but it feels more like micromanaging. and none of this is to say there ISNT room for stories that spell things out#theyre just suited for different things. if sesame street tried abstract approaches to themes and nuance itd be counterproductive#a lot of things fly over my head so i need help picking things apart to get it- but it doesnt have to be from the story itself. ive picked#picked up or built on my own interpretations listening to other ppl share their thoughts which creates conversation around the same thing#sometimes stories will spell things out for you without being so obvious abt it that it feels like its woven into the text. my fav example#for this might be ATLA using younger characters as its main cast but instead of feeling like its dumbed down for kids to understand why war#is bad its framed from a childs point of view so younger audiences can pick up on it by relating to the characters. maybe an 8 year old#wont get how geopolitics works but at least they get 'hey the world is a little more complicated than everyone vs. fire nation'. same for#steven universe bc its like theyre trying to describe and put feelings into words that kids might not have so they have smth to start with#especially with the metaphors around relationships bc even if it looks unfamiliar as a kid now maybe the hope is for it to be smth you can#look back to. thats why it feels like these shows grew up with me.. instead of saving difficult topics for 'when im ready for it'#as if its preparing me for high school it gave me smth to turn in my hands and revisit again and again as i grow. stories that never#treated u as dumb all along. just someone who could learn and come back to it as many times as u need to. i loved SU for the longest time#but i felt guilty for enjoying it hearing the way ppl bash it. bc i was a kid and thought other ppl understood it better than me and made#feel bad for leaning into the message of paying forward kindness and not questioning why steven didnt punish the diamonds or hold them#accountable. but im rewatching it now and going oh. i still love this show and what it was trying to teach me#yapping#diary
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#text#polls#im rly curious abt this#i havent painted in foreverrr :{ i took an oil painting class that i loved but working with paint that never dries was difficult#but also helpful to be able to wipe it off even like a week after i fucked up lol#i liked it tho !! i wish id gotten to spend more time on my final bc it was so fun but i wasnt quite done#literally went in with a paint pen like last month to touch up some stuff#might go try and finish it fully but idkkkk. i dont have oil paints so id have to do it in acrylic and idk how easy itd be#ANYWAy#ive never worked with ink before and i only have worked with oil paint in that class#but the other three ive used a lot and when it comes to on Paper and not canvas#acrylic dries fast which is difficult for me#and watercolor dries slow bc. thats water. and it doesnt always go where i want it to#so usually i prefer gouache bc its a little thicker but not too thick and it dries quick but not too quick. a happy medium#just like goldilocks#on canvas tho i usually prefer acrylic#i think bc i get scared to use up my gouache paints on a bigger canvas#^saying all this and i havent painted in months. </3#im not even particularly good at it i just like it. makes me happy#waugh. its nice out today maybe i'll go out and paint :} it miught rain tho#so who knows
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*sits up in the middle of the night* in this next universe where vampires seem to have taken over the world, marceline probably either never met simon or he died soon after they met, which means that since her mom also died when she was really young (too young to remember a lot about her i bet), she most likely raised herself completely alone through the apocalypse and never really learned about Morals which is how after getting bitten she joined the vampires and, became evil i guess. we see that even with simons good influence in her formative years she went through a rough path after getting bitten so it would make sense that shed turn out nasty if it wasnt for him. she is part demon. we just saw an universe where simon lost marcy and was fucked up and now we're gonna see one where marcy lost simon and became fucked up
#thinking about the flashback in the ep simon petrikov where hes like#''youd be fine if you didnt meet me better even. as for me...''#itd be so so cool if the show showed us that actually she Wouldnt be fine. they both needed each other to keep their sanity and morals#during the apocalypse#like itd be neat#this isnt me saying marceline is naturally an evil person shes literally my favorite character im just saying that like#if ur a child in a post apocalyptic landscape that didnt have anyone to teach you what morals are#aside from ur mom who died when u were like 5#youd probably turn out a bit fucked up too. like look at bonnie lol#im jusy using ''evil'' as a descriptive bc its easier and also we havebt actually seen this marcy so i cant speak much on her personality#but at characters arent usually that 2d#also we literally see simon being the one to teach marceline morals. Vandalism Is Wrong Marcy#and we see her having demon instincts- the wazzup dog in obsidian#i always thought that demon and vampire prolly didnt mix up well and she had to work a Lot to get to the level of stability and ethics that#she is now#so im excited to see a world where she had no reason to work on that skfhsjfhejfhejf#ok im rambling. its 3am and i have to be up in 2 hours help me#adventure time#fionna and cake#watch me be completely wrong when the ep comes out#but thats just a theory... a cartoon theory
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#personal#ladies... its lovesickness on the menu again tn NDNNDNDNDMDMDNDMDMDMDM#god help me#i made it like 29 years without this. why now NFNDNDNNDNDNDNDMD#like ok im happy to be experiencing this in the sense that like... now ik what it feels like to really like someone#but man oh man is it... A Lot#and like maybe its this intense at any age. but idk..... it feels like So Much.....#and im freaking out bc i talk to my mom about it ok. and shes like oh ya that reminds me of how i felt with ur dad in the beginning n im#just... like ... o#bc my parents were like friends first and are like in Love love and have a v happy marriage so im just#the... Potential of having that n like oh god idk. i just dont know its all too much......#and im also like what if its all in my head. but then again like why is he waiting around for me n messaging me out of the blue.#i also caught him staring at me n looking away after i caught him. i just..... idk like i wanna Believe so bad but im so scared too........#im all over the place JDJDDMDMDMDMDMDMDNJDND#but i also am just..... i'll be patient .... bc rushing is no good#like idk. i feel like things have been Moving. and its not super fast but its a pace i can handle#bc ok say i Do ask him out or he asks me.... then oh fuck. then all the Scary things happen. like ok not scary#i dint think itd be scary with him#but idk.... physical... things. would start happening n like. id l9ve to hold his hand n like k___ him ok OK. but at the same time i just..#idk !!!!!!! im v shy !!!!!@@@@@ and ya. ....... idk 😭😭😭#like i like him so much that i think id want him to .... i just .. ya idk.#getting kind of ahead of myself here but what else is new
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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Ok also so I got my eyebrow and nose piercings back in... march, I think? I was supposed to go back in to get the bars changed out some time ago but I never did. Largely bc my eyebrow piercing has Not been healing smoothly (keep accidently banging it and getting it caught on things so it doesn't wanna heal) but I think the long bar has been actively hindering my healing (making it easier to get caught on things) so I decided to change it out Myself. Bought some new smaller jewelry online and it got here today and
I'm not generally squeamish when it comes to my own body. Like pain, blood, whatever. Don't rly care.
That, though... that took some effort.
But I did it! Smaller jewelry to hopefully make healing a little smoother from here on out. I also got some new jewelry for my nose stud that'll get here tomorrow. That one at least won't be a huge deal, since the nose piercing has healed so much more smoothly, thankfully.
(Preemptive warning for Gross Details in the tags. Lol)
#speculation nation#for the eyebrow piercing it's like....#ok this is kinda gross hfkshfks but i think i. at one point when it got caught on something#i think i like. tugged the piercing. um. smaller#?#like the area of skin that the eyebrow piercing runs thru is. smaller. bc it literally tore some of the actual pierced skin.#hurt like a BITCH i'll fuckin tell you that lmfao. ive been a lot more careful since.#but thats another thing with why i wanted a smaller thing. the prior one was fucking Massive in there. way too much#but now i have smth smaller. thinner too. which i hope will help with healing.#downsizing while healing will reduce the amount of variation in jewelry i can stick in there#but tbh i think itd just be wiser to stick to small things anyways. with the thinner patch of skin there.#i dont WANT to rip my eyebrow piercing out. which that was part of what made changing it so hard hfkshfm#these new ones r like screw on ends. but the one before was a pin i had to pull out.#and Let Me Tell You. i was so fucking scared of accidentally ripping it out when trying to pull that bitch. holy shit.#i got it without ripping anything. it still hurt and it bled a good bit but i got it.#switched out the jewelry. which eugh that part was pretty rough too. like not to be gross but rootin around in ur own skin is. somethin#hfksfhksbfmd but it's done and i dont intend to change it until it's healed more. so hopefully it will be. easier then.#i actually took out my nose piercing.. yesterday? to try to switch out with a shorter back#didnt work bc it was thicker. had to put the old one back in. which THAT was harrowing but mostly bc it was so. fucking. hard to do#but the new nose jewelry i got is supposed to come with a thing that makes it easier to put the nose jewelry on#(the hard part is trying to put a flat back base in from the inside of the nose. cant see SHIT in there 😭)#man. facial piercings really arent for the squeamish. good thing im not scared of pain but it has even me like Eughhh#couldve been mitigated has i gone back to the piercer. but oh well. fuck it we ball 💪#ummm should i tag for this lol#gross/#😂
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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I may be failing my plan to not make any isat aus. So there's this guy her name is Euphrasie right. What if I took her and combined what could be 3 separate au concepts into one. And in the process forced myself to go back and reread a bunch of shit to make sure I know how to maximally fuck over this sad wet puppy of a woman
#rat rambles#did I ever actually make a proper isat talking tag? I don't remember but erm#stars posting#anyways dont count on me committing to this au too hard since Im mostly eternal gales brained rn but I am rotating ideas in my head#shes always interested me deeply as what am I if not a sucker for women who are mostly silhouettes of a character#I was mostly just thinking abt other ppls aus where she is also looping and was thinking abt how fucked it be for her in general but also#how much more fucked it would be for her if it was Only her looping#because as far as she would know theres straight up nothing that can be done to fix this and shed be stuck in a hell of what shed be sure#is her own creation#and then I thought to myself. what if she then accidentally did a loop while trying to fix it#and then my brain also said but what if loop was also there#so I did some mental gymnastics to ignore the possible problems and decided to take an extra spin on it and just sorta add her to the main#party by having her have basically wished to be able to help them defeat the king to make things right and her getting dropped earlier#on in the adventure so I can fuck around with potential character dymamics more (cough cough siffrin)#and for the actual loops I think it'd be funny if she could remember just like loop but was fully convinced that she was looping alone#so itd be siffrin and her acting at eachother trying to hide their seperate breakdowns while meamwhile loop is just staring at her with a#whole heap of mixed emotions but mostly the confusion of who the fuck is this guy???????#and sif is just like yeah thats secret. shes a powerful craft user who's craft experiments backfired and fucked up her body. duh.#and loop just Knows that thats not true but they have no real way to bring it up properly without drawing too much suspicious#oh yeah and Im calling her secret for now. in my minds eye shes like constantly putting on different fronts in hopes that one of them will#stick but shes been able to get away with it by playing up her belief in change to a cartoonish degree#shes really trying to be strong and not raise suspicion since she does want mirabelle to be able to learn and grow from this just the same#as her own mirabelle before and just wants to be able to fix the broken wish by being there to defeat the king herself#which she had already convinced herself was the reason the wish broke since she was the one stuck remembering#I should reword it to that probably because saying shes the one looping isnt Wrong but asside from sif not remembering it still entirely#revolved around him she was just the one forced to deal with it without any real way of learning how to fix it#and while she never figured out the entirety of the sif stuff it was always him taking to her that reset the loop#so she has. complicated feelings on him. she doesn't want to be avoidant or distant or to dislike him! and as time goes on she does grow to#like him a lot! but its just. hard to look him in the eye sometimes.#and then theres the horrors of the actual main game starting and the slow but horrifying realization of how badly she fucked up
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everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏
#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too#things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄#jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that#having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically#and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me#despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence#and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik-#she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh#and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space#and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she-#likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man#i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them#theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road#theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill-#finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me#old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc#anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included-#bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately#also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that#im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it..#ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too#its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes#regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a#fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling#and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........#sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!!#.diaries
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i love fics/scenarios where someone like tears izzy apart. not in a cruel way but like Here Is Why You Suck And You Need To Fix It. i say this AS an izzy enjoyer id LOVE to see it from his POV i want to see people get mad at him for his actions i want to see him work to get better!! i dont want him to have all his actions excused i want him to be sympathetic but STILL FUCKED UP! AND THEN GET BETTER!! its what makes him so interesting. and i dont mean he sits there and takes it but he actually reflects and tries and its hard for him and he struggles and he goes back and forth and he actually grows!! THAT MAN NEEDS TO BE YELLED AT
#izzy hands#ofmd#i think itd be most powerful if it was like fang or ivan doing it#i think a lot of us (me included) forget that fang and ivan like. dont really like izzy?#they work for him yeah but also. they BOTH helped throw him (almost) overboard#theyre not his friends#and i think izzy finally realizing that he doesnt have anyone in his corner#and that these men are actually taking the time to talk to him#even if its out of their own feelings/tearing him a new one#itd be good#its so much more rewarding#also i just love fang and ivan and they deserve to get to yell at izzy#everyone take turns now!
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you know. i wouldnt get so privately frustrated everytime i talk with my mum abt me and my brother paying ‘rent’/helping out w food or bills once we both have full time jobs if she at least had the decency to admit she just wants to use the money to pay off her and my dads debts quicker
#x#like. it’s not like i wasn’t planning to help out once i finished uni/got a proper job#i’m not. shameless. regardless of whatever they might think of me. i am in fact aware of the concept of giving back.#but it’s just like the first time it was ever brought up i offhandedly mentioned like. an average of what i thought was a considerate amount#to give. and she was like so obviously appalled? n was like well you know if you were living on ur own you’d be paying 3/4x that right#n suggested double the amount#and i was just like. idk. like no shit it would cost a lot more to live alone#but i’m not doing that am i? i’m staying with YOU. my FAMILY#am i not paying enough with the constant assault on my mental health and well-being by being around my dad here lmao…#did i not spend all my teen years hoping desperately to leave as soon as i could bc i was so miserable#to then find some sort of stability and decide that in this climate itd be better off to stay at home#like. it upsets me bc i’m just trying to think about saving up enough for the smallest hope of a pipe dream of my brother and i buying a#house together in the future. just SOMETHING just for ourselves for a sense of security#and i’ve told this to her like don’t you think me and harry should be saving as much as we can now while we live home…#bc they’re planning to abandon us in a couple years and go back to colombia anyways lmao. so it’s not like we won’t be paying rent ourselves#by the time we’re 25#which will make saving most of our money harder lmao#anyways she was like you’ll still be able to save a lot of ur money now! it’s not like i’m taking all ur money!#and i just feel like she’s missing the point idk. like. AUGH i’ve lost steam of my argument#but like. it’s not like they’re in a dire situation. like up until now when harry paid his first months worth of ‘rent’ they’d been managing#fine … like obviously everything is more expensive and we’re being more careful but like. it’s not some sort of emergency#she just wants us to ‘help out’ to teach us or whatever. and bc it’s right. bc they’re our parents#which. FINE like again i was never opposed to it ever i’m not an idiot or selfish i get it#but once i start working between me and harry we’ll be paying for half the rent. and we ALREADY buy groceries/food in general when we notice#there isn’t any at home#i hate feeling like i’m an awful entitled child for feeling upset abt it but i just feel like she setting us up to struggle just that Little#bit more when she leaves us alone in this country. and i’ve been stressing abt that since i knew that was their plan when i was like 12!#i don’t want her gentle little suggestions of helping out money wise to be couched in fucking. duty or responsibility to them as my parents#just ADMIT IT to me the money is going to go to paying your debts. just say it to me. it doesn’t sting as much that way. my god
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i love heckling solo cover videos as a l/n fan bc so many of them r so obsessed with shiho covers just bc. its not ichika which like i understand she does a LOT but most shiho covers are just . this sure exists. the only one i actively listen to is bokura mada underground but even then its like 50% bc the other two versions are so high pitched on the chorus it hurts my ears ALL THIS TO SAY . i really like reading ur opinions on vocals shiho is the mizuki of leoneed to me anddd uh i like saki hare wo matsu <3 goodbye
Honestly as someone whos favorite l/n vocalist is Shiho yeah 100% their covers are overrated as hell they rly don't have that many good ones. They are indeed very similar to Mizuki where they have a very unique voice so ppl think all their covers are perfect when they're just. Kind of eh (looking at you Shiho 1) and they're one of those characters me and my sibling always dread on favorite solo cover lists because there are correct answers for which are the best Shiho covers /j and no one picks them </3 also ty I love talking abt my opinions on vocals <3
#rat rambles#sekai posting#in my opinion in general l/n rly struggle vocally#they dont work poorly together bit they also generally dont compliment eachother much in their group covers#25ji have a very similar problem but with more flexibility if theyre willing to sacrifice kanade#it also doesnt help that when l/n covers do try to have more complientary vocals the audio balancing usually ruins it#like even if it was balanced right itd still probably be eh but yknow it doesnt have to be like That#my main problem with most of l/n is that they dont rly have noatble strengths or their strengths get overshadowed by other vocals in sekai#I do have some l/n covers I rly rly like (stella my beloved (not the solos)) but in general I think they struggle a lot with their covers#I dont think any of them have bad voices they just struggle with having notable covers in my opinion#I hope they get their own bug one day that jusy unexpectedly brings out strengths in their voices I didnt even know they had#cause Im sure they have them but they just dont rly ever get to properly shine#me and my sibling are so mean to saki during our video binges just cause ppl have such bad saki taked Im so sorry saki </3#but also ppl who try to say saki teo is the best saki cover make me lose my mind what thr fuck are u talking abt bro?????#you havent seen me and my sibling at our meanest until youve seen us go through the l/n section of a favorite solo list with reasons listed#again this is why I save most of this for private I genuinely dont wanna hurt ppls feelings even if my meaness is lighthearted </3#but general analysis and critique is on the table for me to post in public eveb if it makes me anxious still dhdjgdjdy#and the occational vague fun making instead of the very specific quotations me anr my sibling still make dydjhdjdy#also I cant just say ichika's playlist as a descriptor on here and expect ppl to get what I mean fhdjgdjdh
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i seeeeriously am in so deep rn . til today i've kind of in my head just been like haha lol sid's my boyfriend. yeah he's my wife whatever but these past few days have been like ... wah ... i marry you? 🥺 you marry me? 🥺 be my husbands?🥺love you?🥺
#good lord i dont know this post is embarrassing . im shy#there's also like. there;s an ingame wedding ceremony u can have in ffxiv wwhat if what if i what what what if what if#id have to have someone make a character of him and do it with me and its such a process but also. marry sid?🥺marry sid🥺? for real🥺?#sedate me. idk. sedate me#sid#mine#want 2 have a little life with him#tuck rielle in for bed together . she happily accepts forehead kisses from me but she pretends to hate when sid does it#picking flowers with her that we can put in a little jar in her room because she likes them and they're hard to come by in ishgard#we both try to help her with her hair but she likes a little braid in it and i don't have very good dexterity/hand-eye coordination#and sid just point blank period doesn't know how to braid so we both struggle through it together hehe:)#speaking of... uugh i want him to play with my hair. lay my head in his lap and stuff and just stay there with him for as long as he'll let#me (which is however long i want)#i wonder what kind of ring he'd like... what kind he'd pick out for me#holding my head in my hands groaning leaning back in my chair rn#i want to pet his horns... i'd be really gentle even though i know they're built tough i just don't want to hurt him#i think a lot about. um. wauu. wat if we held tails i think that shit is so sweet idk. i think his would have more flexibility#his is shorter but i think itd be cutes if he tried to curl it around me sometimes Augh😭😭😭😭(taking psychic damage)
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#have you ever been so low that there was no light#just crushing weight and unending blackness#like you were at the bottom of a never-ending well being crushed by half set concrete#like being in a black hole and having to crawl ur way out of it as a teen bc u had no one help you#i think itd be easier to be there still as itd be a lot easier to just kill myself#i wont be living my life well until my forties#and by that time i will still be behind the majority#i will be okay with being on the periphery eventually and the insights that gives me#but wading thru the shit before i can find my place and also others who See Me Wholly and I Them is so boring 🥱
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random assortment of drawings i might as well post
#scribbles#ocposting#furry tag#gif#eyestrain#bright colors#mother series#the gifs showing up kinda weird i think thats just a thing on my end though#have noticed it happens a lot for me w transparent gifs on here. idk#gif was for a dta thingy btw uhhh#‘cowcheese’ thing is for my sisters weezer parody where theyre rats nd instead called cheezer#words on the one on its right are lyrics frm heres to you by zebrahead cuz it was stuck in my head..#oh also the middle drawing on the first row of three was color picked frm the cover of phoenix also by zebrahead#first drawing i just made cuz i was messing w preset brushes nd thought itd be funny#long one w the four characters is.. little goody two shoes characters But Furries . lol#oh the one left of the cheezer thing was smthn i drew in class w my friends prisma colors instead of working on my actual art project#actually started that now its driving me crazy cuz i made like a million versions of the sketch messinf w the composition#and im still not sure entirely what i do and dont wanna include and also the actual paper im doing my final on isnt like. wide enough to fi#things in nicely 💔💔💔 also i never planned out colors like an idiot so im making that up as i go and avoiding it a lot aghhghh#giegue drawings are honestly just here cuz i think hes funny#sorry for the paragraph of tags i love talking abt things#uhhhmhmmh i kinda hate postint stuff most places online now ngl#i have so much more art i COULD post but it just feels weird idk#no one really interacts w my stuff much anymore anyways like idk <- this is jot me fishing for pity or disregarding anyone who does leave#nice comments i appreciate that stuff SO mucu it means the world to me. i just dont feel super strongly abt posting shit anymore i feel lik#i have much better peace of mind just leaving things to myself sometimes#as much as i like sharing things it just hasnt been convenient lately and also ive just been getting like.. very paranoid abt a lot of#things over these past years and the constant posting everything o. tumblr thing didnt help much#🙃 okay ill stop rambling now have a nice day
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