#i just need to sleep eternally and then maybe i'll feel fine

[coquelicoq]

have been feeling really weird and am trying to figure out what's wrong with me and i almost just texted my friend "i feel like i might be sick but i don't have any symptoms. except for the symptoms." so hm. that's not working lol.

[a-dauntless-daffodil]

early chaggie early morning where vaggie gets a hug

inspired by @sunsetcougar's headcanon idea of vaggie wrapping herself in blankets despite hell's heat for.... reasons :(

Vaggie: "Ugghhgh...." (slouches into kitchen) (wrapped in blankets)

Charlie: "Vaggie!" (singing) "Good moooorning~!"

Vaggie: "Mornin' sweetie... why is it morning..." (bumps into table) (slumps over it) "Fuck. Ow." (oozes into chair)

Charlie: "Aww." (sad pout) "Didn't get much sleep again, huh."

Vaggie: "Nnngh. Didn't."

Charlie: (cringing) "I wasn't, uh, kicking you was I? With the hooves- "

Vaggie: "I'm too short for you to reach."

Charlie: (grinning) "Which means you're just the right size!!!"

Vaggie: "Means I need my weight in additive simulant substances..."

Vaggie: (tries to stand) (BANG)

Vaggie: (slams into table again) "Fuck."

Charlie: "Vaggie!?"

Vaggie: (rubs missing eye) (muttering) "It's fine, 'm fine.... pinche pendejo.. mi ojo... just need coffee."

Charlie: "!! Don't stagger up! I'll make it!"

Vaggie: (slumping face down) (muffled) "m'love you."

Charlie: "Ha!" (laughing too hard) "Oh you- you'd love anyone who made coffee after a bad night's sleep-"

Vaggie: "No. Anyone else I'd just kill for it."

Charlie: (grinning) "Maim them, maybe."

Vaggie: "You have too much faith in morning me."

Charlie: "I love morning you~"

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: (stares around wildly for topic change) "A- anyway, um-" (spies vaggie's blankets) (actually frowns)

Charlie: "Aren't you hot?"

Vaggie: (groggy) (half awake) "Depends if I'm your type, I guess."

Charlie: "My ty- Shit!" (cup she's holding starts boiling) "No I meant-"

Vaggie: (looking up) "Coffee?"

Charlie: "-not that you AREN'T, because I mean really just LOOK at you, I can't imagine anyone who wouldn't w- but- What? Oh."

Charlie: (hands over coffee) "Careful. It's um. Hot."

Vaggie: "Thanks." (carefully not looking at Charlie) (muttering) "Hot just like everything else in hell is..."

Charlie: "THAT'S what I meant!"

Vaggie: "Guess that does make me hot since I'm here too now."

Charlie: "Yes right exactly, the hotness- hell's hotness- you're still not used to it! Not that the eternal searing flames of literal hell is something anyone should necessarily be expected to get used to, aside from me and the other hellborn- though not all of them like it here either, even if the other rings are more varied and sometimes have things like plants and weather- but for you, stuck here in the pride ring, in the purely physical sense I'm wondering because-"

Vaggie: "Charlie."

Charlie: "-it just seems like maybe there's kinda an easy way for you to at least FEEL less hot in the mornings and night? Again only in the purely physical sense, since you never do stop looking-"

Vaggie: "Sweetie."

Charlie: "-yes?"

Vaggie: (smiling) "Low caffeine, low word capacity. Cliff notes?"

Charlie: "Oh, right!" (laughs)

Vaggie: (watches) (remining eye soft)

Charlie: "Um- what's with the wrapping yourself in all those blankets? Normally you wear less than me and still complain about the heat. Feels like I'm missing something."

Vaggie: "Can't have your brilliant brain starving for knowledge can we."

Charlie: "No that's fine- I just want you to be comfortable!"

Vaggie: "Well you're right about the missing part."

Charlie: "I am?" (sits) (leans in) "Ooooh, what Vaggie lore am I missing?"

Vaggie: (snorting) "Vaggie what?"

Charlie: "Lore, but I- I'm not writing any of it down!!!"

Charlie: "...much."

Vaggie: (lifts cup) "I'm getting royalties in coffee so it's fine. Write whatever you want in your diary."

Charlie: "I wanna write what I somehow missed out on while observing you!"

Charlie: (scoots chair closer) (chin in hands) (Staring)

Charlie: "I've been observing a normal amount, to be clear. Juuuust in case last part was kinda alarming or worried you."

Vaggie: "I'm not. It didn't."

Charlie: "Okay! So...?"

Vaggie: "It's not you."

Vaggie: (looks away) (sips coffee)

Vaggie: "More of a... 'me missing something' thing."

Charlie: ".....er."

Charlie: "...you've, um." (clears throat)

Charlie: "You do have something on under the blankets. R-right?"

Vaggie: "Yep. Just like you've still got those red cheek spots under your blush."

Charlie: (covering blush with hands) (stubbornly NOT looking away) "So if your clothes aren't missing- what is?"

Vaggie: "My wings."

Vaggie: (gulps hot coffee and winces)

Charlie: "..."

Charlie: "...do the blankets feel like them?"

Vaggie: "No." (another gulp and wince) "They were heavy."

Charlie: (drooping down onto table) (head on folded arms) "Wings are heavy...?"

Vaggie: "They're alive. They've got, mass and weight to them."

Charlie: "And warmth?"

Vaggie: "And they can hold you. Like when you fold your arms around yourself."

Charlie: "Like a hug."

Vaggie: (awkward) "Sure. Whatever."

Charlie: "So you miss them, and..." (drooping) "Wrapping yourself in blankets is the closest you get to feeling like you have them again."

Vaggie: "It's not even close at all, really." (hollow laugh) "I'll get over it. Don't worry."

Charlie: "Get over it?"

Vaggie: "Like with the heat, it's just another part of hell. It's fine."

Charlie: "Hmm."

Charlie: (gets up)

Charlie: "Can I try?"

Vaggie: (shoulders hunching) "...try what?"

Charlie: "Being a better blanket, since nothing can really be like your wings were."

Vaggie: "...."

Charlie: "I'm princess of hell, so I get to decide what's hell's like. A, a little anyway."

Charlie: (walks around behind vaggie) "And this might be a bit cooler? I know I run hot along with not noticing the whole hellish heat stuff, but- at least you'd still get airflow. And. I'd be heavier than a blanket! I think?"

Charlie: (lean forward to look at vaggie upside down)

Charlie: "So. Hug? Can I?"

Vaggie: ".... you don't have to ask before hugging me."

Charlie: "You used to jump when I did. Or slip off afterwards to hide in some high shadowy corner of a bookshelf for the rest of the day."

Vaggie: "Don't remind me."

Charlie: "It was cute! But I should've just asked. And this is different."

Vaggie: "It's not." (lets blankets fall) "Knock yourself out."

Charlie: (kneeling behind her) "I'll let go whenever you want."

Vaggie: "Charlie. I'm not a glass vase. Relax."

Charlie: "No, you're not glass- you're you, and you're tense." (hands on vaggie's hunched shoulders) (plays with ends of vaggie's still short hair) "This is a hug. Hugs need waaaaay more carefulness than glass vases do-"

Charlie: "Also! We still need a breakfast that isn't coffee."

Vaggie: "Slander." (drinks) "No we don't."

Charlie: "Yes we do but it can wait. If- wow, you really are tense." (starts rubbing vaggie's shoulders) "How did you sleep like this!?"

Vaggie: (slumping) "I didn't."

Charlie: "Well if you DON'T want breakfast right now then that leaves time for hugs! Or say the word and I'll switch to breaking out the toast and jam, or doughnuts- if Razzle and Dazzle didn't find them- or something."

Vaggie: "I'll probably just doze off again, honestly." (groaning) "Feel free to step over me when I start snoring on the kitchen floor..."

Charlie: "I would never leave you there."

Vaggie: "That's true. Would be trip hazard."

Charlie: "That's not why."

Vaggie: "You could totally trip over me. Stub your hoof or something. I'm not THAT small."

Charlie: "That's not why either."

Vaggie: (sips coffee)

Charlie: (pats her shoulders) "Hug time?"

Vaggie: "Mm." (tenses up again)

Charlie: "Is that a 'mmmrgh yes' or a 'mmrrgh no thanks'?"

Vaggie: "I've told you, you don't have to ask."

Charlie: "Is THAT a yes?"

Vaggie: (sighs) "Yes Charlie. You can hug."

Charlie: "Thanks~"

Charlie: (leans in) (gently with the hug, arms around vaggie) (extra carefully with the squeeze)

Charlie: "...how's this?"

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: (sets down coffee) (touches charlie's arms) "Can I-"

Charlie: "I'll can let go! It's okay-!"

Vaggie: "No, just. You're fine. Let me rearrange you a bit?"

Charlie: "Oh sure!!! Yes! Whatever you want!!"

Vaggie: "Wings are more, they were more like..."

Vaggie: (shifts Charlie's arms around and leans back into her more)

Vaggie: "...it was more like.."

Charlie: (tries another soft squeeze) (whispering) "Like this?"

Vaggie: "...."

Vaggie: "Yeah." (blinking hard) "It was."

Charlie: "Okay. And that's... okay..?"

Vaggie: "...it's nice."

Charlie: (smiling) "I'm now officially free for wing simulation hugs whenever you want them."

Vaggie: "You gotta sleep sometime, hon."

Charlie: "We share the same giant bed. We can just cuddle!" (butting the back of vaggie's head) "If we can make hell even a little nicer for you, Vaggie, then we should."

Vaggie: "Why both. It's hell for reason."

Charlie: "Because you'll feel better? And that's important?"

Vaggie: "I'm fine with not feel great all the time."

Charlie: "Why though? Vaggie-"

Vaggie: "Builds character."

Charlie: "...Alright." (headbutts again) "Well I'm already quite a character and I like it better when you're feeling better. It makes ME feel better."

Vaggie: “Now that’s definitely important.”

Charlie: “Heh. Just like you.”

Vaggie: (holds charlie's arms as charlie holds her) (doesn't answer)

The Coffee: (slowly cools off while they hug)

-several minutes of hugging later-

Charlie: "...."

Charlie: "How did the wing hugging thing WORK exactly?? You had moth wings, right? Insect wings? I always thought those were pretty stiff- very pretty and fluttery!- but not very bendable. Are some bug wings actually bendy? Or was it more a weird demon thing, like random horns or-"

Charlie: "-Vaggie?"

Vaggie: (slumped) (dozed off on Charlie's shoulder) (breathing softly against crook of charlie's neck)

Charlie: (smiles) "...pretty good hug, huh?"

Vaggie: (snores a little)

Charlie: "Heheh." (smile slipping)

Charlie: "...sorry."

Charlie: (hugs tighter)

Charlie: ".... if I'd just found you sooner, I..."

Cupboard Door: (creaks open)

Charlie: (looks up) (weak smile) "Oh, hey guys- Good breakfast?"

Razzle & Dazzle: (guilty shake off doughnut crumbs)

Charlie: "It's okay. You know she's not much of a morning food person anyway."

Razzle: "Rrr." (flutters into table to peer at vaggie)

Dazzle: (leans back into cupboard)

Charlie: "Oh she's just tired- I'm helping her get some sleep." (actually smiling now) (shifts hind legs) "Um. My hooves might also start falling asleep soon. Maybe you wanna fetch me a pillow or something, please?"

Razzle: (points from vaggie to the floor behind charlie)

Charlie: "Maybe? I think I could shift her into my lap and lean on the cabinets... She feels pretty out of it. One-hundred percent will need a pillow for that though."

Razzle: (flutters off) (pats charlie and vaggie's heads along the way)

Dazzle: (wiggles out of cupboard) (places half an eaten doughnut on table in front of vaggie)

Dazzle: "Ree." (points at doughnut sternly)

Charlie: (giggles) "I'll TRY to get her to eat it when she wakes up. But no promises~"

Dazzle: (huffs) (follows razzle out)

Charlie: "......"

Charlie: (long sigh) (slumps against vaggie)

Charlie: "I'm helping. I can help you- I-" (hides face in vaggie's hair)

Charlie: "...hell can be a happy place too, I promise. I won't let it hurt you again."

....

-somewhere in heaven-

Lute: (sneezes)

Adam: "Go fuck yourself."

Lute: (wiping face with bloodstained sleeve) "Thank you, sir."

Adam: "And take a dunk in the celestial sea or whatever. Extermination was like, months ago- bitch did you even shower?"

Lute: "I did, sir."

Adam: "Went right back into the sinner splattered outfit?"

Lute: "Yes sir."

Adam: "That's gross as fuck." (grinning) "Hardcore. Give me SKIN, bitch!"

Lute: (smirks) (high fives)

Adam: "Even Vagina never went that hard- even when she was fucking you over in kill counts and shit."

Lute: (not smiling anymore) "She was the only one, sir."

Adam: (not listening) "No style! She was boring as FUCK with that lame spear. Stab kill. Stab kill. One hit, no misses, no flying limbs. No fucking CHASES to get the sinner shits really screaming! Just didn't know how to let loose and have FUN with it!"

Lute: "No, sir. And now we know why."

Adam: "Pretty pathetic for one of my girls." (sighs) "Aw whatever. Women, am I right?"

Lute: "She was a filthy traitor."

Adam: "Yeah, pretty much all of you are." (picks at mask teeth) "Lucifer barely counts as a dude either, like, dudes weren't a THING when creation jerked him out. Wanna know why?"

Lute: "You were the f-"

Adam: "CAUSE IM THE FIRST MAN, BABY!"

Lute: "The original-"

Adam: "THE ORIGINAL DICK Father of all winners EVER! And of all those lame-ass losers down in hell, not that they fucking show any respect-"

Lute: "And she will be the last Exorcist ever to betray you."

Adam: "Eh. We'll see I guess. Bet she's fucking regretting it either way, huh?" (grinning) "Probably SEEING the error of her ways.."

Lute: "Realizing she made one hell of a choice."

Adam: "Wishing she hadn't fucking WINGED IT that one time, HA!"

Lute: "We clipped those thoughts pretty quick."

Adam: (slaps lute on back) "That was fucking great. I've got her agonized "oh" face from the wing ripping part as a screen saver- but don't fucking tell Sera that, the saintly seraph virtue prude of a bitch."

Lute: "Never." (smiles) (fingers her sword) "...And thank you, sir."

Adam: "Sword still got some of her blood on it?"

Lute: "Maybe."

Adam: "Now THAT'S gross. Love it."

[missmarveledsblog]

IDiots (dean winchester x reader )

Summary : when reader becomes the victim of a entity Dean is forced to admit feeling that he thought he could keep away in fear of being hurt .

Warning : little angsty mostly fluffy

Shit hitting the fan was an understatement of the century . The boys stood stuck to the ground watching as it loomed over her . He knew it was his fault , he knew they told him it was bad idea and yet he knew better . He knew this stuff more than they did or so he thought. Now he stood frozen while his brother screamed for it to leave her alone , while the woman he's loves in now on the ground out cold while evil lurks over her and it was all his fault . They warned him a week ago and he didn't listen.

It was always the same on case sam and Y/N sat in the kitchen of the bunker laptops on and researching away . " so the story goes a woman Jane Howard was killed by some dude one night , a man by John.. Smith really this has got to be fake .. anyway he was in love with Jane but never told her went on rampage in his madness killing single women some say he now attaches to a woman and if her love doesn't announce himself to her he take her soul to live with him for eternity " she couldn't help laugh at the ridiculousness of it all . " hey maybe I can get slash to admit he knows and loves me " she snorted. " or someone else would grow balls and do it " sam muttered shooting his brother a quick glance . " awh Sammy I love you too .. not like that though but we have our pact still " she teased . " pact? " . " if we're both single by 50 I marry her " sam smiled seeing the jealous glare from his brother . " yup have in writing too , I mean it's on a beer mat but still OK I need to pack up I'll meet you guys in an hour " she giggled heading off to her room . " you think maybe we should ask her sit this out giving she probably going to die before you admit your feelings to her " sam mused . " she not into me dude so let's drop this " he huffed walking off to his own room . " idiots I'm surrounded by idiots " sam face palmed .

Walking out she was standing looking at the brothers pouting up at them. " cas will be fine " Dean rolled his eyes . " but he's a baby " she whined . " he older than three of us combined ... plus Bobby's got him " . " I miss him already " she pouted making his heart beat faster . " go give him another hug " he smiled making her bolt into the bunker . " now if I asked that I'd be told to suck it up " sam teased . " hey Bobby give her special treatment too , plus she clearly pining for the big baby " he pointed out . " well then maybe he'll do what you can't but cas isn't the one she pining for i can definitely tell you that much " sam shot back . " he's a bit better but still sad " she sighed getting into the impala cutting dean asking what his brother ment by that . " come on we can get you some of those candy bars you like on the way " sam smiled brightly at her . " its like your in love with cas " Dean rolled his eyes . " I love all you guys .. some more than other " she whispered looking at him before getting into the car . " idiots " sam exhaled before following.

Pulling up to the motel instead of waking the sleeping woman Dean decided she was too cute to disturb only for him to lift her and carry her in leaving his brother to carry the bags . " yeah course I got it " the younger winchester huffed . Not that his brother listened nor did he care when she held on tight nuzzling her head into his chest letting out a content sigh . Maybe she could love him back like he loved her but then again the self doubt kicked in . She was light and he was just the darkest of dark . A woman like her couldn't love him. She was too special and he was the boy who couldn't even make his own father proud no matter what he did . No a girl like her was made for his brother . Caring sweetheart who would make sure everyone was OK before herself . A smile and laugh that could brighten anyone's day no he would never have a woman love the likes of him , he was sure of it . Placing her gently on the bed he rushed out of the room, only just as he did she smiled in her sleep calling his name . " idiot " sam huffed placing the bags at the near by table .

Driving to the house another woman losing her life what perplexed then was the man admitted he love her yet she still died . " oh no " she gasped . " what is it " sam turned checking her over . " she didn't love him back its why she died " she sniffled . "Great so it like a true loves first kiss but with a entity " Dean growled . " we'll get him don't worry " she patted his shoulder. " hey why don't you sit this one out " sam turned to her. " yeah I mean if he latches on I don't think we could get slash here on time " Dean joked making her eyes roll . " he not my true love though " she blew her nose. "Well im sure cas can come soon then " he didn't mean for it to come out snappy . " you think I love cas like that " she snorted . " I mean your always cuddling him , hate leaving him and well i don't know " he shrugged. " i cuddle sammy too and bobby when he lets me " she deadpanned which wasn't a lie she was a cuddler . " your not in love with cas " he asked. " i love him but not in love with him " she murmured . " idiots " sam grumbled .

they went after the entity it keep messing with her locking her into rooms or pushing her little things it considered as warning leading the brothers to take her from the house and back to the motel. " your sitting this one out " dean slammed the door while sam checked the small cuts the litter her hands after she was pushed into glass. "i'm not letting a bully win " she growled. " your not going " sam said putting the gauze on her hand . " i'm going and where going to kick his ass, i'm going to have a shower " she got off the bed grabbing her clothes before heading to the bathroom . " you need to either tell her or make her sit this one out " sam waited til the shower was on . " why don't you tell her , it's clear your the one she loves " he shot back . " i love her like a sister god you are so blind to what's in front of you , you need to get her to sit it out, he's already feeding on you and she getting hurt " he said holding up the glass shard filled dish . " a guy like me doesn't get with a girl like that ok i am sick of you pushing this " he growled slamming the door . only for sam to look up and see her standing there heartbroken hearing his words. " he didn't mean it the way you think he did " he began but she just grabbed her coat and shoes before heading out the door herself storming past the older winchester . " idiots " sam yelled out at them .

she knew it was stupid , something she was completely regretting the minute she stepped in the house but ever since they took on this case everything went to shit . Maybe a broken heart could take on a broken heart was her stupid reasoning . His words replayed over in her head making her head reel . That was til she was locked in a room trying to get out til she was knocked across the room her phone hitting the ground as dean number came up and answer , he could here her groans and followed by something he could only describe as a disembodied growl . " shit we're coming sweetheart " he called before the line went completely dead. now here they stood stuck while the entity stood over her body sucking and draining the life from her . The fear of losing her was growing stronger then the fear of rejection . "please stop ok take me , i know you don't but take me i will take her place , they world can't lose a woman like that , a woman who would starve rather then let someone go hungry , one who cries at stupid video's online because someone is sad and she can't help , i'd rather you take me then take the woman i love out from this world" he finally felt the words spewn only for her to sit up gasping grabbing the pistol and shooting the entity and the two men being able to move . " i'm sorry " was all she said not that he cared he was stunned , knowing the only reason she was talking now was because in some divine madness meant she loved him like really loved him . she couldn't get another word out before she felt him pull her up and smash his lips to her . " finally ... idiots " sam smiled looking at the pair.

[ivystoryweaver]

With You part 10

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Summary: Married, back in London, Jake comes crashing back into your life

Pairings: Marc Spector x reader, Steven Grant x reader, Jake Lockley x reader. Gender neutral reader. No use of Y/N. Reader is married to the system.

Word Count: 3.6k

Warnings/notables: A n g s t, complicated relationship stuff, cursing. Alcoholism, violence, injury, blood. Lmk if I missed a warning. inaccurate DID, based on the show. Not beta'd

PREVIOUSLY, on "With You"...

Leaning down, he brushed his lips over your cheek in a tender kiss... the softness of you electrifying him utterly.

"I'll never let him near you," he vowed, his fingers reaching up to trace his lips where your skin had touched. "And I'll never let him take Marc away from you."

“Read to me, husband," you purred into Steven's ear, curling close to his side.

His eyes cut over to you and he grinned, reaching to lace his fingers with yours. You sighed, your heart overflowing as your fingertip traced over the gold band he now wore.

"Long flight, darling. You sure you don't want to rest a bit?" He suggested, gazing at you adoringly.

"Maybe I will if you read to me," you teased, pulling your intertwined fingers to your mouth, your lips grazing his ring.

You may have been on an airplane, but it still felt like your own little world.

After a few chapters about ancient Egypt, and a long nap, you awakened to your husband watching an 80's action film on the screen on the back of the chair in front of him.

Marc.

Latching on to his arm, your fingers found his again, just to toy with his wedding band.

"Hey, baby," he softly greeted, kissing your temple. "Steven bore you to death reading about the pyramids?"

"Absolutely not," you playfully defended, "I just find the sound of his voice soothing."

"You know what's soothing?" He pointed to his screen with a grin. "RoboCop."

You groaned. "How much longer till we land?"

"We're not even halfway," Marc replied, glancing at his watch.

"Maybe RoboCop will put me back to sleep."

Your honeymoon was magical.

All your hard work, saving and planning paid off, and you and your husband had the time of your lives. Sun-drenched days, passion-filled nights, nothing but relaxation in paradise. Playing games with Marc, reading with Steven, delicious food (and a delicious husband).

It was just the refreshing reset you needed to kick off married life.

Truthfully, you wondered about Jake - you missed him, and the tiniest part of you hoped nothing would interfere with your little bubble of temporary heaven.

Everything seemed fine - you made it back to London refreshed and ready to proudly sport your wedding band everywhere you went. You didn't care if it seemed a little old fashioned. You were proud and thrilled to have a wonderful, dreamy husband.

Steven transitioned into summer session classes at uni while you contemplated advancing your nursing career. Marc seemed steady, albeit a little quiet. Not brooding quiet - more like...observationally quiet.

The two of you had discussed what he might like to do. After all, he had spent years as a man of action. But he insisted he was content in his current role, making sure Steven got the education and credentials he deserved.

Still...something about him seemed a little off. There was no evidence of him drinking, and, even in his darkest times, drinking was never something he hid from you. It was a bit difficult to hide anyway, but he never even attempted to. So you didn't suspect alcohol as the culprit.

After insisting he was fine for a few weeks, he finally admitted how hard he had been trying to communicate with Jake. You were a little surprised at first, but only at first. After all, Marc had never enjoyed the feeling of not having control - whether over himself, his life, or just in general.

By now, an eternity had passed since you last saw or spoke to Jake. When Marc admitted that he had spoken to Jake quite a few times since your wedding, you had to bite your tongue to keep from asking, 'Did he ask about me?'

You already knew the answer. Jake was not interested in all things you. Besides, this wasn't about you anyway - it was about Marc as a system. Instead, you asked Marc why he didn't say something sooner to you about speaking to Jake.

"I didn't want to upset you," was his explanation. Fair enough.

Instead of starting an interrogation with questions like, 'Does he still work for Khonshu?' and the like, you kept your focus on your husband and asked, "Is that why you've been so quiet?"

Chewing on his lip, he waited a minute before replying, "Maybe. Just trying to figure some stuff out."

The look on your face clued him in to the fact that he was being vague at best. So he knelt down in front you as you sat in Steven's reading chair, took your hands and said, "I'll tell you more soon. I'm working really hard to figure out how we can all be happy - how we can all coexist and really be safe, and free of Khonshu for good."

Oh.

If Marc was working on something Khonshu-related, then his contemplativeness tracked. He was so earnest in trying to confess this little piece to you, that you decided to believe him and not prod too much right now. Just for now.

The very next night, you came home from work a little late - a night quite reminiscent of the one when you had found Marc drinking - to find your flat dark and mysteriously quiet.

Calling your husband's names, you headed to the bedroom to get changed when you heard a thump and a groan from inside the bathroom. Panic shot through your body as you bolted through the door, shoving it open to find...Marc? slumped over the closed toilet, shirtless, clutching his side and groaning in pain.

"Baby - what happened?" You gasped, kneeling down and switching into triage mode. That's when you saw blood pooling around his hand, oozing through his fingers.

What the hell...

"Shit, you're bleeding," you cried, stating the obvious while jerking the nearest towel off the rack to press to his side.

He grunted, reluctantly dragging his crimson-coated fingers away, hissing as you pressed the cloth into his side to staunch the bleeding.

Tears burned your eyes at the sight of your wounded husband, but only for a second, as your medical training kicked in. You noticed right away that his knuckles were bloodied, as if he'd punched a wall. His lip was split, his eyebrow was cut and there were even a few angry scrapes across his cheek.

"Hold this here for me, baby, I need to get the first aid kit," you sniffed, pulling his hand back over the towel covering his bleeding side. Most of what you needed was in the bathroom with you, so as soon as you were ready, you sat down and reached for his fingers.

"Here, let me see," you instructed. You gasped at the deep, angry gash in his flesh. "Okay...okay, I need to stitch this up, honey, it's deep." Pausing for a moment, you realized it was a horrible idea to tend to your husband, especially with tears stinging your eyes.

"Actually, here," you pushed the cloth back over his wound, making him groan in agony. "Come on. We need to get to A&E - "

"No," he firmly protested. "You do it."

You shook your head. "Marc, listen, I really should-"

"No," he repeated, his eyes finding yours. "Too many questions. No police."

Shaking your head in frustration, you grabbed your first aid kit, which was really a small medical bag, containing enough supplies to be useful in an emergency.

You would do anything for Marc, but right now, you were confused and growing more worried by the moment. "What were you even doing? How did you get hurt?" You huffed, gathering the supplies to mend his wound.

He didn't answer, and that pissed you right off.

Pausing just for a moment, you glared at him, before gathering some clean towels. Without a word, you hurried to the kitchen to set the kettle to boil, just in case you needed to sterilize anything the old fashioned way.

When you returned to your husband, you had calmed down a little.

Pulling the bloody towel away from his side once more, you started to clean the angry gash, attempting to get ready to close the wound.

A few minutes later, you instructed Marc to move to the bed. You certainly weren't going to stitch him up on the bathroom floor.

Pausing for a moment, you granted him a reluctantly sympathetic smile, brushing his sweaty curls away from his forehead.

"This is going to hurt. I don't have anything to give you - anything to numb the pain," you carefully explained. "Are you sure you don't want to go to A&E?"

He nodded once, but still wouldn't speak to you.

"How did you get hurt, Marc? I thought you still had...healing armor or whatever. From Khonshu." And why was he acting so weird?

The instant you had the thought that Marc really didn't seem himself was the moment you knew.

Staring into his eyes challengingly, you whispered his name. "Marc?"

Swallowing hard, he drew a trembling breath. "Not Marc."

All the blood drained from your face. You blinked rapidly, completely blindsided and so confused.

"Jake?"

Averting his gaze, he gave you another nod.

Despite all your medical training, you froze. Lips trembling, you reached up to his face, carefully minding his scrapes and cuts as your fingers traced his jaw. It had been so, so long...

"You're hurt," you whispered, as if it were new information. In a way, it was. Because a moment ago, in your mind, Marc was the one hurt. That was bad enough, but now, after weeks on end of hearing nothing...

"I'm sorry," he murmured, his eyes drifting closed at your touch. "Please help me."

Releasing his jaw, you covered his hand with yours, squeezing gently before nodding.

"This will hurt, Jake," you reminded him, as if he wasn't there a minute ago to hear your warning.

"'S okay. I deserve it." Closing his eyes, he laid his head down and waited for the pain.

You were going to fucking kill someone. Either Jake, for asking you to stitch him up rather than go to A&E while you were reeling, having not seen him for so long. Or Khonshu for honestly being a giant pile of dicks. Maybe even Marc. You weren't sure why you were mad at Marc, but you had a feeling he was involved in this steaming pile of shit somehow. The only one who might get a pass was Steven, unless he was in on this Khonshu bullshit too.

Jake could feel your anger. It was rolling off of you, electrifying the whole bedroom. But your hands remained steady, tender and professional, dancing over his wounded flesh. The dichotomy of your righteous anger and your healing mercy made him burn for you.

Each stab with your needle felt like a consequence for how he'd failed you. Failed Marc.

It was silent torture, but finally you finished, cleaning and bandaging the wound. You had thought he might pass out from exhaustion or pain, but he simply stared at the ceiling and said nothing.

Not one fucking word of explanation, or even a cry of pain.

With a sigh, you left the room to wash up and get rid of some of the bloody dressings and instruments. The sutures were not your best work - after all, you didn't stitch people up on a daily basis. But it would have to do.

Feeling exhausted in every way, you readied yourself to tend to the rest of Jake's injuries, bracing yourself for stone cold silence. It fucking hurt, but he was more than clear on the matter of not communicating with you.

Returning to Jake's beside, you said nothing. You simply lifted his hand into your own, carefully cleaning his bloody knuckles. You thought about making a joke along the lines of 'I should see the other guy, right?' but ultimately decided against it. It seemed pointless to even try.

Grabbing a couple extra pillows from your side of the bed, you handed them to Jake, who had been watching you warily.

"I need you to prop up so I can take a look at the cuts on your lip and over your eye," you explained.

He obeyed, shifting the pillows into position before protesting. "You've done enough, cariño, you don't have to - "

"Like hell I don't," you snapped. "My husband's body is hurt..." you exhaled shakily, squeezing your eyes shut for a second. "You're hurt, Jake. I'm doing this."

At first, he wouldn't look at you. You tended to the cut over his eye first - it was the worst one. "You'll need a bandage here...and it might even leave a scar through your eyebrow."

"I'm sorry," he repeated his apology from earlier. He didn't know what else to say.

"For what exactly?" You questioned, cleaning the scrapes along his cheek. You were close to him now, fingers brushing, eyes flickering, gazes locking. His breath ghosted over your hand.

"For everything," he offered, his own hand stretching out to grasp your elbow.

You jerked away. "That's really fucking specific, Jake. Thanks."

"Mi vida -" he started.

"Don't!" You bit out, glaring at him, your chest heaving. "Don't call me that. Just...just tell me how you got hurt. Tell me why you're not healing. Is Khonshu gone?"

Jake shook his head. "No. But our armor is."

"Why?" you gasped. "How can you...do your job if he doesn't protect you? I thought that was all part of the avatar package."

Jake didn't exactly feel comfortable with this line of questioning but he honestly didn't know what to do anymore.

"I think..." he started, clearing his throat. "I think it's...punishment."

Every negative and intense emotion coursing through your body narrowed to one. Terror.

"What?" You cried, placing your hands on his bare chest. "Khonshu did this to you?"

"No. He did this to Marc."

If there was anything Jake hated, it was causing you pain. He had made a sort of strange peace about staying out of your daily life, to protect you and Marc. He viewed returning your unopened letters as a mercy - as a way to let you off the hook.

But as you lay your head down on his chest, grasping his hand desperately, your warm tears flowing onto his bare skin, he knew he had utterly failed and completely misunderstood what you needed. After endless weeks of silence, it took one choked sob and desperate plea from you for him to break.

"Why would he hurt Marc?" You pleaded, clinging to Jake like a child would to a parent after a bad dream. "Please...please tell me what he did to my husband."

Jake smoothed his hand over your shoulder, rubbing your arm in a small attempt to comfort you, electrified by the nearness of you.

"I...um," releasing a shuddering breath, he decided you deserved to know. "Marc has been...talking to me. And Khonshu."

Jake went on to explain how Marc had been staying up late, attempting to maintain control of the body. How he had even gone out at night and summoned the suit -several times, in fact.

"Why?" You sniffled, leaning into Jake's embrace.

"I think he's trying to negotiate our freedom," Jake explained. "But...I don't want him to."

"Because it's your job," you spat, accusingly.

"No, mi amor," he gently corrected you. "Because the first night he put on the suit, he completely panicked, and almost bought some liquor."

You cried harder. What the hell was going on with them?

"He didn't drink," Jake clarified. "I was able to take the body after he started walking home. And the reason I don't want him doing all this is because I can't protect him if I'm not Moon Knight. If I'm not in control. If Marc is out there, and gets hurt, Khonshu doesn't care. He doesn't care if Marc drinks - in fact, he probably prefers it that way."

Easing his arms around you, Jake hissed at the stretch he felt in his stitched injury.

"Khonshu doesn't want me distracted," Jake explained. "By Marc or by you. He wants someone completely devoted to being his fist - to watching over the travelers of the night."

"That's bullshit," you argued, though most of your ire had given way to a form of despair. "If he was protecting people, he wouldn't have done this to Marc. He wouldn't have hurt him."

You and Jake lay on your bed, completely wrapped up in one another. He had tried to stay away for your sake, but if you needed this from him, he would gladly give it.

"He didn't hurt Marc directly," Jake went on. "He just..." blowing out a sigh, he mustered the courage to tell you. "He told Marc he was a worthless weakling and that he would pay for interfering. So..." Jake couldn't go on for a moment.

"What?" you whimpered, nuzzling your face into his neck as if you could hide from the horrible ancient deity.

"Khonshu waited until Marc was in the middle of a fight - he was trying to save a woman from...it was three men. Assholes..." His jaw clenched in fury. "Khonshu decided then to take away his armor. So...they beat the hell out of Marc and...they stabbed him. Cut him with a piece of glass. That's when I took the body." Too fucking late, as it turned out.

You broke down. You couldn't take it anymore. When would your husband ever be free of this torment?

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Jake said mournfully. "I tried so hard to protect him. To protect you from exactly a moment like this. I'm so sorry, mi vida."

He held you for a while, soothingly rubbing your back, thrilled and bewildered by the chance to hold you like this. To be able to give you some measure of comfort. To bear the injury Marc had sustained.

"Why do you call me that?" You softly questioned after your sobs had quieted. "Mi vida? Mi amor? I'm not."

Ouch. Jake's heart splintered.

But you went on to explain. "I've respected your choices, Jake, and your life on your own. But why do you call me those things if you don't even want to know me?"

"I told you - I do know you," he reminded you, his voice filled with conviction. "I think about you every day."

Propping up on one elbow, you peered down at him. "Then why won't you let me know you? Why did you return my letters?"

"To protect you," he insisted, wincing as you rolled your eyes. "From Khonshu. From everything. It was my fault Marc was drinking again. All of this pain, everything was because I wasn't doing enough - "

"Then let us help you, Jake," you pleaded. "Let's figure this out together."

"Marc tried and look what happened!" Jake fired back, flinching away from you. "He got hurt. He could have gotten us killed!"

Trying to sit up, Jake hissed in pain, his skin burning as your hands fussed over him, trying to help him.

"What happened tonight is exactly what I've been trying to prevent. No one is listening to me!"

"Because you don't fucking say anything!" You cried, climbing off the bed, scrambling around to stand in front of him. "All you do is play the martyr - lay down every piece of your existence on this sacrificial altar to a spiteful god! You don't talk to anyone, you don't know anyone, you don't do anything here but sleep!"

Tears streaked down your face as your lip trembled. "No one can listen to you because you've made yourself a ghost! You can't hear a ghost, Jake. You can't see or know a ghost. You can't love a ghost..."

Wiping your cheeks with the back of your hand, you whispered woefully. "But I love you anyway. I'm here and I'll listen to you. You just don't say anything. And I know it's because of me. I know you can't stand to be around me - I guess you despise me - but you could at least try harder with Marc and Steven - "

"What did you say?" Jake breathed, his voice cold. With tremendous effort, he pushed himself off the bed and stood before you, eyes wet with fresh tears. "You think I despise you? How can you..." He trailed off, raking his fingers through his curls. "You really have no idea, do you?"

Shaking your head mutely, you stared up at him, so sweetly broken.

"You're right," he finally said, his head dropping in shame.

With a small whimper, you started to sniffle again, thinking you were right about how he couldn't stand to be around you.

"I haven't said anything to you. I've tried so fucking hard not to."

"Why?" you whispered. "What did I do wrong?"

He completely melted, reaching out for you. "Nothing, mi alma. Not one thing, ever."

Still confused, you shook your head mournfully. "Then why don't you..."

Murmuring your name, he brushed tender fingers over your cheek. "I was trying to keep you out of this - to keep you safe - to set you free - but I can see now - I only made everything worse."

Touching his forehead to yours, he wrapped one arm around your waist. "De verdad lo siento, mi amor. Por favor perdóname. Te amo."

He normally only spoke English with you, simply because that's what you spoke with Marc and Steven. But in his overflow of emotion, that's what came out.

"I'm sorry, I..."

"I understand," you whispered, your eyes wide, with a sliver of hope. "But you can say it again."

Tracing your lips with his thumb, he tried to show you everything inside his heart. He didn't deserve you, but he couldn't live without you anymore.

"I'm so sorry," he translated, brushing his lips over yours. "My love... please forgive me." Rubbing his nose against yours tenderly, he breathed against your mouth. "I love you."

next->

@stormydaysxx @laaundromat @kindlover @deezisnotreal @stevenknightmarc @imonmykneessir @marvelouslovely-barnes @evilbubu @usualsworld @rivalriotrenegade @wordacadabra @this--is--music @i-still-dont-like-your-face @avengersinitiative2012 @lockleywife @poppyflower-22 @thursdaywritings @scoliobean @spxctor @flyesvenustrap @spxctors @cicithemes2000

[munchmemes]

taylor swift lyrics, ttpd: the anthology edition, part one

the black dog

▸ i am someone who, until recent events, you shared your secrets with. ▸ your location, you forgot to turn it off. ▸ i just don't understand how you don't miss me. ▸ old habits die screaming. ▸ i move through the world with the heartbroken. ▸ i may never open up the way i did for you. ▸ do you hate me? was it hazing? ▸ now i want to sell my house and set fire to all my clothes and hire a priest to come and exorcise my demons even if i die screaming. ▸ i hope it's shitty.

imgonnagetyouback

▸ you did your research, you knew the price going in. ▸ i can tell when somebody still wants me. come clean. ▸ i'm gonna get you back. ▸ you'll find that you were never not mine. ▸ i can take the upper hand and touch your body, flip the script and leave you like a dumb house party. ▸ whether i'm gonna flip you off or pull you into a closet, i haven't decided yet. ▸ even if it's handcuffed, i'm leaving here with you. ▸ i hate you but i love you just the same. ▸ pick your poison. i'm poison either way.

the albatross

▸ cross your thoughtless heart. ▸ one bad seed kills the garden. ▸ they tried to warn you about me. ▸ devils that you know raise worse hell than a stranger. ▸ you're in terrible danger. ▸ i've been there too and none of it matters. ▸ i was sleeping soundly when they dragged me from my bed. ▸ the devil that you know looks now more like an angel. ▸ i'm the life you chose and all this terrible danger.

chloe or sam or sophia or marcus

▸ i loved you the way that you were. ▸ you needed me but you needed drugs more and i couldn't watch it happen. ▸ i changed into goddesses, villains and fools, changed plans and lovers and outfits and rules all to outrun my desertion of you. ▸ cooler in theory but not if you force it to be. ▸ will i always wonder?

how did it end?

▸ come one, come all. it's happening again. ▸ i'll tell no one except all of my friends. ▸ how did it end? ▸ lost the game of chance, what are the chances? ▸ guess who we ran into at the shops. ▸ didn't you hear they called it all off? ▸ my beloved ghost and me, sitting in a tree, d-y-i-n-g. ▸ i can't pretend like i understand.

so high school

▸ i feel so high school every time i look at you. ▸ tell me about the first time you saw me. ▸ your friends are around so be quiet. ▸ are you gonna marry, kiss or kill me? ▸ no one's ever had me, not like you. ▸ touch me while your bros play Grand Theft Auto. ▸ you knew what you wanted and you got me. ▸ i'm hearing voices, like a madman.

i hate it here

▸ quick, quick. tell me something awful. ▸ tell me all your secrets. ▸ all you'll ever be is my eternal consolation prize. ▸ i don't believe in good luck now that i know what's what. ▸ i'm there most of the year 'cause i hate it here. ▸ nostalgia is a mind's trick. ▸ i'm lonely but i'm good. ▸ i'm bitter but i swear i'm fine. ▸ this place made me feel worthless.

thank you aimee

▸ all that time you were throwing punches, i was building something. ▸ i can't forgive the way you made me feel but i can't forget the way you made me heal. ▸ it wasn't a fair fight or a clean kill. ▸ i built a legacy that you can't undo. ▸ there wouldn't be this, if there hadn't been you. ▸ maybe you've reframed it and in your mind you never beat my spirit black and blue. ▸ i don't think you've changed much.

[karlachismylife]

I woke up (was sleeping cuz I spent the night crying over fucking higher math, might go back to sleep for a little bit more cuz I don't wanna face the world and am still tired) and saw that my Russian words post was reblogged by a bunch more people I respect and look up to (that also happened in one previous wave of popularity that post gained a day or two ago). And like, first of all, I am intimidated by being perceived by people so way out of my league. Second, this definitely shows that there's a writing circle in this fandom of very talented writers and it's not that big. And while my ego definitely wants to somehow worm my way into that circle to be with the cool kids, I very much understand what a chasm separates my writing and their writing, so it makes me feel self-conscious about it again. Especially because I spent last days writing absolute silliness and all these people manage to write incredibly gripping, emotional and deep things. Like very psychological and smart and clever. And finally, I am a little scared to be seen on that scale and by some of those people, because they are so opinionated + well-spoken + have quite clear standpoints. And I am scared to be seen with my potentially problematic/bad/shallow character interpretations and very shallow texts. Cuz I won't be able to back it up substantially, won't be able to defend why I don't write deep enough/why I don't put in more effort/why I mischaracterize the characters so much. What if I actually wrote something problematic. I never intended to, but I might have just done not enough research and self-education. Or something. I don't know.

Obviously I am not actually visible on that scale, it's just one post with writing aid, none of my works reached those people. But what if. I am not smart, and I am immature, and I don't really have anything meaningful to offer. I am usually fine with this, like, I do believe there are also needed stories about raccoons being befriended through the power of cartoons and apple slices, or short fluff pieces with no plot other than two people loving each other and kissing. I am usually pretty comfortable in this niche.

But right now I just got such a strong wave if anxiety. And I know this is just a corner of the internet where no one even could name my full name and I have no chances of meeting any of you irl. But this is a place I want to belong to. I wanna be in the fandom, and I wanna be someone people know as, well, maybe the hyena CEO, or maybe as the fluff gorilla, or - my dream - as Karlach x Soap weirdo. Like. I wanna share what I have with people and be accepted. I feel so very grateful every time I get the feeling of being accepted from notifications, or messages, or asks, or anything. When people show interest and enjoy my things. I am anxious to lose it in case I turn out to be not good enough (which is the motto of my life). I'm pretty chill about being not good enough for many things, it's just facts and well, that's just me. But when it's about something I really really wanna be a part of, like the community here, this scares me, because this failure will hurt like a hundred others didn't.

I'm sorry for ranting, I might delete this later, I see the new asks guys and I will be trying to write something today, I just woke up and I'm a mess and it's not a real problem but it just made me cry for a moment. I'm okay, I'll be fine, I know I'm here to just enjoy myself and hope other people will too, so I'm not like going into hiding or anything. Just needed to say this, cuz whenever there's "fandom discourse" I am so scared I'm actually part of whatever problem people are discussing. And stuff. Yeah gonna go have a cup of tea and sleep a bit or at least lie down. I'm sweaty, temperature regulation is not a thing my body is good at, lmao.

Love you all so much, eternally grateful for all the love and attention I receive from you comrades. It feels incredible, today is just an anxious day.

[dayseedrawz2]

What if Caine accidentally bites Pomni instead of ‘Trying’ to give her a kiss? Like he’d freak out like she broke a bone or something extreme and he’d try and beg for forgiveness, while she’s just standing there confused lol

(Just a tiny idea for a one-shot?

Oh goodie!! My first request!! Thanks!!

Now let's see here...

*cracks knuckles*

Accident - Showtime (C×P) One-shot!

REQUESTED BY: Anon

ASKBOX/REQUESTS: OPEN

☆Caine☆

��Pomni♧

The adventure was over. Most of the cast had already gone to their rooms to sleep. Or... try to at least. Except for Pomni. She was the last to leave. Instead, she was alongside Caine. Why? She didn't know!? To get answers, maybe? She's still a bit shook about the whole "being stuck for eternity" thing.

On the other hand, Caine was rather content with the situation. More than that, in fact. He wasn't sure what it was exactly, but something about her gave him this overwhelming feeling. This would be the day he finally sucomed to it... But first, he'd need permission from his beloved good buddy 'ol pal, Pomni!

☆Pomni...? ...Pomni!!☆

Pomni snapped out of her episode

♧Huh!? Wha!? What's- oh... It's you...♧

☆Apologies, dear. I was hoping to ask you a quick question...☆

He seemed a bit more tense than usual.

♧Uhh... alright, shoot.♧

☆So... I've been doing a bit more research lately, and I was wondering if I could try something..?☆

Although hesitant, Pomni decided she may as well let him. I mean, she's already been tortured to the limit. But at the same time, she didn't really care at this point...

♧Uhh... sure. But if this is some sorta scheme, I swear-♧

☆Mwah!☆

He was so unaware of himself that he didn't even realize he had actually bit her ceek until-

♧OW! CAINE WHAT THE F#@& WAS THAT FOR???♧

She clutched her face where the bite was

Upon realizing what he'd done, Caine grew frantic

☆P-pomni!! Oh my goodness a-are you alright?? You're not hurt, are you?? Oh, what have I done?! I-I'm terribly sorry!! Please forgive me, dear! I didn't mean to! I don't know why, I just-☆

Pomni could only stand there in confusion as he wrapped his arms onto her leg, begging for forgiveness.

♧Wh- I- but you- WHAT WERE YOU TRYING TO DO!?♧

He continued sobbing on the floor

♧... It's fine... I- I forgive you... Just- tell me what's going on??♧

Caine couldn't find the words for her question, but that didn't matter. He was more extatic at the fact that Pomni was okay.

☆Oh, thank you, my dear!! Thank you!! I couldn't bear the thought of hurting any of my members, especially you!!☆

He wrapped her in a tight hug

♧Y-you're welcome... I guess...?♧

He quickly let go, realizing his unawareness

☆Oh- uh- right... no touching... again, my apologies...☆

Pomni managed to crack a soft smile

♧No worries... At least you remembered...♧

And... I think I'll end it there!! Boy, that took longer than anticipated!

Thanks again for the request!!

[changingplumbob]

Villareal Household: Chapter 4, Part 1

Context: Luna and Devin were able to conceive despite both being female, the wonders of game code, and Luna is expecting twin boys. PandaSama has the most amazing Child Birth Mod for sims 4 and this part would not be possible without it. So happy it exists!

First part of the Villareal's is up. After a paused pregnancy it's finally time for Luna to give birth. Luna and Devin pass time at the hospital until they can welcome their sons. I took an abundance of birthing screenshots. Again massive thanks to PandaSama and the Child Birth Mod!

Time for a change of pace with a smaller household in the suburbs of Del Sol Valley. It's a calm Autumn morning when-

Luna: DEVIN

Devin: Hmm, what, I'm up

Luna: I think it's time

Devin: Time, right now? At 3 in the morning

Luna: I don't think they know time yet

Devin: Right, remain calm, remain calm

Devin: HELP! My wife is in labour, is anyone here

Luna: Let's get to the waiting room

Devin: Upstairs? In your condition

Luna: I'll be fine, maybe it'll help stimulate contractions

So the pair go upstairs. They make it to the top just in time for Luna's water to break in the corridor.

Luna will be attended by Dr Farias (pictured) who safely delivered Pollock Knightstone and Dr Eriksson who safely delivered Savannah and Mercedes Chopra.

Farias: Ready for your epidural

Luna: It won't hurt them will it

Farias: Not a bit, just let us know if it's not working

Luna: I... I think it is

Farias: Believe me, if it went wrong you would know

Devin: Thanks

Farias: You'll want to make yourself comfortable, labour can take some time

Luna: How much time, the Dr that did our ultrasound didn't say

Farias: I had a patient who gave birth in 12 hours but we have had a labour last over 2 days

(It was Fergus Pancakes, his labour took an eternity and a half)

Luna: 2 days! Schatz I can't be stuck like this for 2 days

Devin: 2 days isn't a certainty

Luna: Tomorrow is Harvestfest and we have plans, I haven't seen my brothers in forever

Devin: If all else fails we'll invite them to the hospital. Is there anything I can do to help

Luna: I did see something

The room has a yoga ball that Luna can use for exercises but at the moment she's dazed so Devin gives her a back massage

Devin: Is here the right spot

Luna: Maybe, it just all hurts

Devin: I'm sorry amore

Farias: Try a bit lower

Devin: Like this

Luna: Yes, it's definitely sore there too

Devin: Is the pain still there

Luna: Schatz I'm in labour, of course there's still pain

Devin: If you want I could do that thing with my tongue and-

Luna: Devin! We're in a public hospital. Paparazzi could be anywhere

Devin: Sorry! I just want to help you amore

Luna: Think you can find some food?

Devin races off

Turns out the ready meal vending option requires a microwave which is... not in the cafeteria. While Devin blatantly disregards the staff only signs Luna tries out some exercises. Suddenly I spot it. A mini fridge right in the room. Thank you original builder! Childish Luna has a pb&j sandwich.

Devin: I'm back! And you found a sandwich

Luna: I did, sorry I sent you searching

Devin: You do not need to be sorry. I could only purchase vending food for myself not storage. I tried

Luna: I know you would have

Devin: I just feel so useless

Luna: You just being here helps

Devin: It does

Luna: Yes

The next time Dr Farias checks in Luna is resting soundly and Devin has had a costume change before having a nap of her own. Luna can't seem to sleep for long though and pain wakes her sooner rather than later. She's hungry again. She knows her wife wants to help but Devin looks so peaceful.

She can't bear to wake her knowing the twins will be disrupting sleep soon enough. As quietly as a person in labour can she slides from the bed and grabs a bowl of cereal.

Devin: What are you doing

Luna: Getting food, you were asleep

Devin: I would have got up. Please Lu, you have to let me help

Luna: Sway with me, that'll help

Devin: Is the pain still bad

Luna: I was able to sleep for a bit but this pressure, it hurts

Devin: I'm so sorry

Luna: Don't be schatz. It's a miracle that you and me could make these twins. My biggest fear after mum disappeared was being left alone

Devin: It was?

Luna: I'm may be older than you but accidents happen. With our kids, I shouldn't ever be alone

Devin: Hey now, nothing is going to happen to me

Luna: Because you think you're the watchers favourite

Devin: Exactly, I'll be with you forever amore

Luna: I wish I believed in them

Devin: I'll believe for the both of us

Dr E: How are you dear

Luna: It must be go time by now right

Dr E: Let me check. Sorry dear, only 6cm dialated, we need 10

Luna: Bother

Dr E: Why not try a small walk, it helps some patients

Luna: I guess

Meanwhile Devin is again using staff facilities to work out to prep for her next acting gig.

Full disclosure, I did NOT build this hospital. It was EA ID: Corrinus. I just changed one of the birth rooms into an ultrasound office upstairs. I'll probably need to renovate if a sim wants to become a doctor but this works well for now. Luna checks out some rooms wishing it was birthing time.

After walking in circles she returns to the main room. She decides to have another go on the yoga ball, she wants to be home for Harvestfest. Maybe she can exercise the twins out. Devin having finished her exercise turns to practicing her lines for the gig. It's a cop drama this time.

Devin grabs some food and checks on her wife.

Devin: Hey you had a costume change to

Luna: You inspire me

Devin: As I should

Luna: It's so weird having boobs this big

Devin: I think you naturally have the flattest chest of any woman in game and I kind of miss it

Luna: Me to, I hope I can get back

Devin: If you can, you can. If you can't, you can't. We'll adjust and I love you no matter what you look like

Luna: Devin

Devin: I know, I know. I'm meant to say you're beautiful and glowing and you totally are

Luna: Devin

Devin: And we both know I'm hot and have the most perfect boobs-

Luna: DEVIN

Devin: What's wrong

Luna: I think it's actually go time

Devin: Oh damn like pushing time

Luna: Yeah

Devin: Okay okay, don't move, I'll find the Dr

Luna: We can meet her in the theatre

Devin: Right yep

Sure enough Dr Eriksson is ready and waiting in theatre for Luna who is fully dilated

Dr E: Hold on just a second

Devin: What's wrong, is the baby okay

Dr E: I was just checking, yes he seems to be in the right position. It's safe to push

Luna: Ooof, oh this feels so weird, you definitely wouldn't like being pregnant

Devin: I knew it. You can do this amore mio, I believe in you

The delivery is not like Luna expected. More pressure and less breathing breaks. It isn't long before she's completely exhausted.

Luna: I don't think I can do it

Devin: Sure you can, you want to meet your sons don't you

Luna: I want... to meet... our sons!

Devin: Then keep pushing

Dr E: We have a head

A total 14 hours of labour, not quite record breaking, and we have twin 1

Luna: Oh look at him

Devin: He's so small, the ones we get on set are never this small

Dr E: He'll grow soon enough, don't worry

Luna: Alfred

Devin: Really Lu

Luna: I do like his movies that you showed me, the master of suspense

Devin: We'll see

Luna: One... more... push

Dr E: Here's boy 2

Luna: Boy 2

Dr E: Well done dear

Devin: You did it amore mio

Luna: He's just as beautiful

Devin: Rilian

Luna: You mean it

Devin: It's a unique name from those books you love, I’ll love it, and him

Luna: Our boys, Alfred and Rilian, the best blend of me and you

Dr E: I'll give you all a moment while I fill in the paperwork

Devin: I can't believe they're finally here

Luna: I'm sure I was pregnant for years

Devin: Do you know how proud I am of you

Luna: Schatz

Devin: I mean it. You grew these two boys and gave birth and I love you and them

Luna: Our family

Previous Part (New Goth) ... Next Part

[softquietsteadylove]

I have a Thenamesh AU request if it’s alright?:)

Let’s say they got Gil back and his memories too. But Thena has a hard time to accept him since she saw him die and can’t really believe that’s him. She keeps a distant to him and avoids him as good as she can on the domo. So what if Gil does something that really proofs that he is real and he really came back? Where Thena finally believes it?

Would be a very emotional request and a bit soft in the end :)

"Dinner is served!" He turned to them with a bright smile, "get it while it's hot!"

The rest of the Eternals clambered to get some of the delicious and lovingly made food for themselves. Especially those who had been held captive in the World Forge, adapted to human life and missing the small comforts.

He eyed the doorway, "there's more than enough-"

Thena left.

Gilgamesh sighed, looking down at his pot of stew. She hadn't spoken a single word to him since his return. It was so dire that even looking at him was an improvement in her acknowledgement of his presence.

"Hey," Kingo said gently as he came up for his serving. "Don't let it get to you. She's...well, you know."

He did know; he knew better than anyone, in this life or the next. He nodded, giving Kingo a smile. Once everyone had a helping, including a very different looking Sprite, he dished out two bowls and walked out with them.

She didn't make a sound, she didn't leave any trace. But he would always be able to feel that pull to her.

The door swished open for him, sensing its users presence. Perhaps it was kind of her to not lock him out of his old room. "Feeling nostalgic?"

"These are my quarters."

He smiled, walking in cautiously and placing down the two stew bowls. No matter her reluctance to be with him now, it still warmed his heart that his room had brought her more comfort than her own. She always did sleep better in here with him.

Or maybe all she had done was come in here and mourn him.

Gilgamesh frowned at her, sitting rigid and folded around herself on his bed. Her legs were crossed, her arms folded, just staring at the far wall. "Thena."

"What do you want?"

"I want to talk?"

"Anything else?"

He supposed he should be grateful to get this much out of her. If his Thena truly didn't want to talk, not a force in the universe could pry those perfect lips open.

Thena looked up at him as he pushed the bowl of stew into her line of sight. Unstoppable force met immovable object, and finally, she accepted it from it.

Gilgamesh sat down beside her, giving her enough space not to feel imposed upon. They took slow bites, listening to their breathing, their chewing, the clink of the spoons in the bowls.

Thena stirred hers around, taking it in as she swallowed.

He looked at her. "Is it how you remember?"

She didn't bother answering him.

Maybe questions about her memory weren't the best ice breaker. He shifted on the bed and cleared his throat. "It is a little different from our recipe at home."

At home; the words made her flinch, as if he'd lashed out and cut her.

He was slow and gentle, though, like the first times he'd had to lure her out of her room after an episode. "Can you tell what's different?"

She looked at him, finally, if only to express her annoyance. But she looked at her bowl again, her lips pursing faintly as she moved her tongue around in her mouth. "It's missing...something."

He was honestly impressed she could tell that much. "What have you been eating?--while I've...been away?"

That was a risky question to ask, but it would have to be asked sooner or later. Thena took her time answering, which was just fine with him. "Druig would make food."

But had she eaten it, was the question. It wasn't as if she could starve, and all she would need was a bite here or there to keep herself going. But it always made him sad to think of her letting herself go without the simple comforts of food for that long.

Gil set his half empty bowl aside, angling himself more toward her. "I'll give you a hint. It's-"

"Mushroom."

"Okay," Gil nodded as Thena stopped his little game dead in its tracks. She took another bite, though. "You've gotten better at that."

"You don't have bay leaf here on the ship so you used mushroom to make it more savoury," Thena murmured as if on autopilot. Another bite.

"I guess you would know if it was any different."

"It's his recipe."

"It's my recipe."

Her eyes shot to him, smooth and swift and lethal, just like the rest of her. He didn't startle from it, letting her eye him with annoyance and disdain and poorly veiled hope. Those eyes always told him everything he needed to know, whether she liked it or not.

"It's my recipe," he repeated softly. She let him pull the bowl away from her, his hands lingering against hers. If she didn't want him to, she could push him away. She could snap even his bones if she really wanted to.

He had never used his Cosmic Energy against her outside of an attack, and he never, ever would.

"Everything else was the same," he began, her hands - slim and light and delicate - resting in his.

"Beef, onion, carrot, flour, broth," Thena listed off, her eyes horrifically distant as she watched the process of it being made in her memory.

Gilgamesh chuckled, moving their hands slowly. She watched him do it, letting him slide their fingers together until his palm could meet hers. "What's the first ingredient?"

Her eyes hardened. She was fighting so hard to protect herself.

Just this once, he wouldn't let her. "What's the first ingredient of everything I make for you?"

"Love."

Gil reached forward, brushing away the deluge of tears suddenly flowing from those stunning eyes. "I'm sorry, Sweetheart. I've been gone for too long."

Any time would be too long apart from her.

"It's you," she whispered, every fibre of her being fighting not to come unwoven permanently.

"It's me," he promised, understanding of what she needed from him. He brought her palm up to his cheek. "I'm here."

She shook from head to toe, looking at him as if they were in that forest again--as if he had a hole in his neck and was breathing his last breaths. "I see this sometimes. And it's not real."

How cruel. How wretched and unfair Arishem was to make his beautiful Thena endure that. He turned his head to kiss the palm of her hand, "I'm real."

She shook her head again, even as she both pulled him closer and moved closer herself. "No."

"I'm real," he whispered as she climbed into his arms, the way she would at home. The way she would in Australia, wounds on both of them, her dress tattered and trailing behind her. She would settle herself into the safety of his arms and find there as much rest as she could.

"How do I know?" Whatever she had been through in his absence had shaken her to her core. He could ask her about it later, slowly, a little bit at a time. Or never, if she truly didn't want to tell him.

He tightened his hold on her, resting his cheek against her hair. "You'll just have to trust me."

She had nothing to say to that, at least not yet. But she remained in his embrace. She pressed her face into the side of his neck, feeling the pulse of his blood in his veins. "Gil?"

How he had longed to hear that. That one little sound, from her soft little voice. Just for him. "Hm?"

The rumble of his chest against her helped her unwind a little. His hand pressed flat over her back, offering warmth and the promise of his support. It helped her anchor herself to him.

In Australia, if she woke in the night, she would call to him like that. To check if he was there, if he was awake, if he was safe--if he was real. Any number of things. And he liked to believe that even in the depths of sleep, he would respond that same way.

Thena buried her face in his chest, undoing his vest and slipping her hands around him. The closer her hands could be the more sure she could be that he was within her reach.

He would combine the rest of their bowls later, make sure she got enough food in her. But for now, she needed this. He did too, to a degree. He would always need his Thena, and she needed time with just him like she needed air in her lungs.

"The others?"

"Who cares," he chuckled, lying back on the bed with her in his arms. The little pearls in her ears touched her cheeks, and her cardigan was soft to the touch. But this was undeniably what he had been missing in that state of suspended animation from which they had woken him.

[onceandfutureoshainspector]

Danse: If you have the time to talk now, I'd still like to know what you think about Scribe Haylen. Cat: Is something wrong? Danse: No, not at all. Haylen's doing well. I simply wanted to talk to you about her, but I wanted to know what you thought of her first. Cat: She's as dedicated as they come. A real team player. Danse: I couldn't agree more. But I wasn't looking for an evaluation of her performance as a scribe, I wanted to know what you thought of Haylen... as a person.

- oh. ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh! i see what this is ;3

---- honestly? my thoughts on Haylen are mostly positive at this point, i don't think they'd make the worst couple.

-------- note to self: see if i can convince her to join the Railroad...

Cat: This isn't like you, Danse. Are you going to tell me what this is all about? Danse: I suppose I'm beating around the bush because I don't normally find these discussions easy to handle. I'll try and get right to the point. The truth is, I'm worried about her. Since you and I are getting along so well, I felt like I could confide in you about it... to get your honest opinion. Cat: She seems to be able to handle herself. Why are you worried? Danse: Haylen is a model scribe. This has nothing to do with her capabilities in the field. A few months before you found us, one of my men was shot multiple times by Raiders. Haylen stayed by that Knight's side for two days straight without sleep fighting to keep him alive... but he was on a slow decline. I decided that his suffering needed to end and ordered Haylen to administer an overdose of painkillers so he could die with dignity. Even though I'm certain she wanted to continue fighting for that Knight's life, she injected him without question. Cat: Are you asking me whether or not I approve? Danse: Of course not. I stand by every order I've ever given. That soldier was gravely wounded. Even if by some miracle he happened to survive, he would have been paralyzed for life. But the decision whether or not to ease that soldier's suffering isn't the point here. The point is what happened later that same evening. After what felt like an eternity, she collapsed into my arms, crying. I... didn't know what to do, so I just held her for a while. A few minutes later, she stopped, kissed me on the cheek, and simply said "Thank you", before heading back into the police station. Right then it hit me... maybe I pushed her too hard. I ordered her to ignore her instincts. To do something her medical training told her was wrong. That's why I'm worried about her... and for that matter, everyone under my command.

- yeah, these two would both benefit from getting the fuck away from the Brotherhood. like, tough decisions for tough situations, but ideally you don't send people into those situations, or at least without the resources and personell necessary to make it back.

Cat: Haylen will be fine. It's you that I'm worried about. Danse: Me? Look, four soldiers... over half of my team, are gone. Each one of them died because of decisions that I made. I understand the risks that come with the job, we all do. But how can anyone have confidence in me anymore? Hell, how can I have confidence in myself? Cat: Would it make you feel better if I told you that I believed in you? Danse: Actually, it does. Well, it looks like things have taken a turn. I signed up to be your sponser so I could teach you everything that I know, but it looks like I'm the one that needed the lesson today. All joking aside, I'm pleased that we had this discussion, and even with all the problems you're facing, you still took the time to listen. It's comforting to know that I can speak to you as more than just your commanding officer. Cat: I'm here anytime you need me, Danse. Danse: Anyway, thanks for letting me get that off my shoulders. I think it's been weighing on me more than I realized. I'm only sorry you had to see me at my worst instead of at my best.

- QUEST ADDED: convince Scribe Haylen to leave the Brotherhood of Steel.

[whwie]

drunk me again, I feel like I make a diary post whenever I'm drunk bc I don't trust myself falling asleep drunk cuz my anxiety of dying in my sleep due to it, which is stupid and low ik.

anyways I spent my term 2 reading week with him and his sister which was cool and yada yada yada—He's cute and whatever.

but onto my main topic of this post, so drinking night in my dorm room, we playing a drinking card game. So someone picks a card that says "pick the person with the prettiest/best(?) smile, then that person choses who drinks".

And they chose my crush and he's starts acting shy then legitimately gets shy and blushes and his face gets red. While everyone is asking him to smile, so he tries but gets embarrassed and put his head in his arms. That goes on a bit of a small cycle. All while this is happening I'm like eternally saying "omg look he's red!!" but internally I'm really wanting to expand on the moments when he smiles that I find so cute and handsome and pretty blah blah blah all the simping terms.

AHHH I SHOULD'VE CALLED HIM CUTE OPENLY JUST LIKE MY FRIEND NEXT TO ME WHO WAS SAYING JUST THAT.

cuz the person who picked the card was like "yk his smile when he jokes...(that's a good smile) and it's contagious." which real. BUT I want to talk about all the smiles I notice, like the silent ones when someone says smth that needs more context, or be understood as an innuendo. And like for these he holds back his laughter/smiles and looks around the room to see if some1 else is reacting the same way.

And if I'm being honest I do that too, like a lot even b4 I liked him. BUT LIKE IM THE ONE USUALLY THAT MEETS HIS EYES IN THOSE MOMENTS. And that just makes me laugh even more. imma be delulu and say that he looks for me when shit like that happens (he doesnt bet) but it makes me really happy when I laugh after we meet eyes.

Imma keep it simple to 2 different times when he smiles/laughs differently that I like. Cuz I'm sure there's more that notice but I just can't remember rn. So the other time is when he's like dying of laughter, he'll like turn red from it and then try to keep standing straight up but can't, so he'll have to resort to holding his jaw in one hand and the other around his torso and like looks/leans down.

UGH HIS SMILE AFTER HIS LAUGHTER DIES DOWN AND HE LOOKS UP FROM LOOKINV DOWN BUT STILL HOLDING HIS FACE. GOSH HES SO FUCKING FINE? CUTE? IDK ANYMORE MAN.

anyways he's cute like so cute and attractive, maybe it's drunk me but I think he looks at me more when I'm drinking (it is drunk me). Imma debunk that by saying that's only probable bc im sitting across from him-ish and the drinking night is held in my room, so I have a lot more idk social presence? authority? so obviously I'll get more ppl looking at me.

[memoonthemove]

How I Got Here (part 2)

It's really weird, to realize something that makes you rethink everything you thought you knew for thirteen years.

What I knew: My master was never planning to turn me.

What I know now: He was always going to turn me, but he worried I would resent him for it.

What I wish he'd known: He might have been right, I can't say, but it wouldn't have mattered.

I resented him for thirteen years, and that didn't stop me from loving him that entire time.

But he didn't just help me complete my transformation. He helped me undo it, which I didn't even realize was possible. But he did it, for me. He killed for me, in front of half a dozen witnesses. A taboo for a taboo.

I'm still reeling a little, if I'm honest.

But that night unlocked something between us. He stopped pretending not to care. I stopped pretending, too. We finally started to see each other clearly, I think, for the first time.

He always cared. I see that now. And for a little while, our lives settled into something like peace. Something like happiness.

I didn't tell him I loved him then. He didn't say it either. I like to think it's because we didn't need to hear it to know, but I'm pretty sure it's really because we thought there was no rush. We thought we had time.

I should have known better. Even immortal creatures don't have eternity, and I'm not immortal.

It all started to fall apart on a Friday as the sun was setting. I was just waking up from a nap, because spending half your life working for vampires royally fucks up your sleep schedule. I was just reaching for my glasses when I heard the tell-tale sound of ravens' wings outside the little window in his crypt.

I crossed the room and flicked the curtain open, cautious in case there were any lingering rays of sunlight. But it was pitch dark outside, the fading blue light obscured further by the flurry of black feathers.

I thought we'd agreed to use the phones from now on, but maybe I was too asleep to hear it ring? I opened the window a crack to let a single raven inside so I could hear its message.

It was not good news. It was only one word, actually.

Run.

I froze in that moment, I'm ashamed to say. It was so unexpected, so out of left field. The assassins stopped years ago and we hadn't had a real, substantial threat at the house in so long. My instincts and my heart and my brain were all out of sync. One said to do what the message said. The next said to stay and protect him, them, my family. My brain tried to sort through and find some sort of middle ground. In the time that took, he was awake and at my back.

"What is it?" he asked. He sounded sleepy. I remember somehow having the space to feel frustrated, that I didn't get to enjoy his rumpled sleepiness, that I had to miss it to fight for our lives yet again.

I told him what the message had said. He looked at me like I was crazy.

"What are you still doing here, then?" he asked me. "Run!"

"But--"

"I will be fine. Please. Get out of here!" And I'll never be more ashamed of anything. But I did what he asked.

I ran.

[icanbeyourgenie]

“ Tya is my best friend. She's my girl, I won't let a random guy steal her away from me. ” – Achilles to Nathaniel

“Oh, so she'll never date anyone?” Nathaniel retorted, starting to get really mad.

“At least not when I'm around no. Preferably never. I know she's fooling around, but dating? She doesn't need that because she's mine, and you have no right to try to find her a lover!”

“You know that's exactly what she thinks about us right?”

“It's not the same! And also, you're not allowed to get mad. I'm the one who should get mad. You tricked me!”

“Because there was no other way to spend Valentine's day with my boyfriend!!”

“I can't believe you're being such a child right now. We're leaving. We'll talk about this tomorrow.”

Achilles got up and was about to go take Nastya out of this place when Jorah made his move and kissed the girl. Tried to, at least. She turned her head and it landed on her cheek. But he tried again, and it was enough for Achilles to lose it.

The next second, his fist met Jorah's face. Multiple times. It was only when Nathaniel came between them that he stopped hitting. But by then, he already broke Jorah's nose. The man was about to reply but Nate stopped him, and managed to calm him down enough for him to leave the place. Achilles was not calm though.

“I can't believe you did that!” Nate was clearly angry now.

“What? Protecting my girl from a loser who wanted to take advantage of her drunken state? I'm the one who can't believe you came between us?”

“This is getting ridiculous. You're becoming paranoid! And you know what? I'm out of there.”

“Fine. Go. Maybe go take care of your friend before he takes advantage of another drunken girl!”

Nathaniel was already gone at the end of this sentence but Achilles was still angry. He wanted to punch something. So he took a minute to calm down before he turned around to see Nastya, who was resting against a wall, the second bottle finished now. She looked emotionless, but he knew her better than that.

“Let's go. You drank a lot. I need to listen to your heart, and then you need to sleep.”

“No. You should go after him.”

Her voice was icy and he sighed as he made his way to her. She took a step back, which was a very bad sign. She never backed away from him. Even when she was really mad.

“Come on Tya, I didn't know what he had planned. I swear.”

“Then you're an idiot.” Still that same composed, icy voice. “And since I know you're not an idiot, it means it was your plan too.”

“What plan?”

“To get me distracted. So you could spend the night with him without feeling bad about me.” She didn't look at him, but he knew that if she did, she would look half angry, half heart-broken.

“Good. Maybe I'll die and then you'll finally be free to spend eternity with your little boyfriend, right?”

“You're not making any sense. I literally spent the night trying to look at you but you wouldn't look at me. It's the alcohol talking. You know alcohol is bad for your heart.”

“Don't be ridiculous.”

“This was supposed to be our night!” This time her voice wasn't calm. She looked at him with storms in her eyes. “It always had been. It should've been just us! You and me, against the world. You promised! But now... It's not the case anymore.”

“It is! Always!”

“Don't lie to me, Achilles. I can see your feelings. And you know what? I don't want to spend this night with you anymore. I don't think it's just our day anymore.” She let the bottle fall down and break on the floor as she walked away. “Happy birthday.” was the last words she said before leaving Achilles alone to his misery.

[jimunderscore]

don't want to be here

rather run to the shores

Be free with wind

and see within

that's all hollow

that's all fine

No one is born divine

but to have fallen out

no longer can one see

or wish to understand

don't want to me

don't want these sights

that hurt my lives and eyes

feels wrong to say this

but am careless of what happens to my hair

what happens to my life

burn the skin and see within

that all I have

is bitterness and hate

as a

self caged animal

a

self caged cannibal

really bare

I just want to stare into the ocean

and be whoever I want to be

would say goodbye

if wasn't afraid to die

and be reborn again

would say farewell

but I don't want to hurt you

sorry that I don't love you

but I just don't want to be myself

let me go away forever

like death is my endeavour

to go onto a journey of the soul

walkabout until I know

that I've returned as myself

and I'll find it within the soul

the essense of being rightful

but I don't think I'll make it through

the ages crumble to dust

with an eternal one's lust

rotting away

in the chamber of decay

built it in my mind how many todays ago

wish to escape the trap

lay waste sleep

be free of it all

inside of us all is a fiery storm

that haunts the heart and of the head

feel like I'm dead but still alive

not myself

need to run away from what I embody

what if I can't change? destined to run in circles

searching for exits in a glass labyrinth nothing makes sense when you see without clearance like walking into an endless fog I feel like a dog which ran of the leash and makes you feel surprised to be alive again.

maybe I'll awake with the strenght to escape myself.

one day counting down

another day counting down

counting down the hours and minutes

of a life

like on a timer with simple lines

one day I'll go to bed and be covered in rain and no longer feel insane.

[lost-in-wond3rland]

I had two 12oz redbulls and a 16oz monster today and I'm alive out of pure spite

TW for: food relationship, depression, self medication

So maybe I'm not just alive out of pure spite but it sounded more fun that way lol I'm mainly alive from riding the Eras Tour high (thank you Seattle and Taylor Alison Swift) (no, I don't live in Seattle but I did fly there).

So I haven't slept since Thursday.

Not entirely true, I mostly slept last night and the night before so really I hadn't sleep Thursday-Sunday but Sunday night was chill.

I did overly pump myself with caffeine today and it did exactly z e r o help at work which sucked.

I have therapy on Friday and I'm 95% sure I'm going to cancel. I don't think I like my therapist.

It's been a couple of sessions and:

Talking about myself is uncomfortable as fuck (yes, I realized the irony of this as I am semi journaling on a public platform but bffr, no one is reading this and if they ARE I have know way of knowing)

I'm not against natural remedies persay but e v e r y t h i n g she suggests is natural remedies? Tea for insomnia, roots to eat to help focus for the possible ADHD (on top of the fact that I've asked more than once to see a psych to at least get a diagnosis to know for sure if I have it, especially since I apparently check most of the boxes? But then she asked why I would want them? Um... cuz I wanna know? And I'm going into grad school and don't have time to be fighting my brain all the time?), exercise to raise serotonin to help depression (which yes I understand the science there but TW ALERT I have some... food and body issues we shall say that turn into spirals v quickly of I will go to the gym for two hours and only eat a singular granola bar for the whole day. So like. Yeahhhh when she said I might be depressed because "maybe you need to exercise more" that was fun lol Especially when I know I obviously don't look like I have said issues in the stereotypical sense)

So like. You could see why after a few sessions I'm not too keen on going back. I've been on a bit of an up swing anyway so like *shrug*

The reason I started going to therapy again was because things were... not ideal. Not that I was actively gonna do something. But also like. If I fell into an eternal slumber, I wouldn't necessarily have been mad about it typa deal. Kinda hoping for the whole eternal sleep thing but not doing anything to cause it, ya feel? But now things are fine and I can't help but feel like I was being dramatic because like. I'm fine. Everything is fine. And I really have nothing to complain about. So like. Dramatic, ya know?

It feels silly to me a lot of the time. People have real issues and real trauma, and I haveeee. A trip to London and Paris coming in the fall... so like. What the fuck do I need to be in therapy for? It just. Feels kinda fake. Like I'm being dramatic.

I feel like sometimes I build shit up in my head too much and then I stop and I'm like. Why. There are so many other things happening, so many other people with real life issues, and then here I am. I don't like it.

I was smoking a LOT of weed for a LONG time to just kinda coast ya know? To either feel something if I felt nothing or to feel something else other than what I was feeling. Which is great, and worked, but with my job if I get caught I will no longer have said job. Also the fact that like, weed sleep is a THING and where as not being hungover is great, I'll loose half the day knocked tf out (which considering the sleep situation might not be the worst thing so maybe I should go to the local dispensary lmao but then it makes me eat a bunch and then I feel awful the next day and cycles and cycles and cycles). So unfortunately/fortunately that is a no go cuz work and I gotta be awake enough to do hw man.

So yeah. I'm kind of in the "fuck therapy, I'm fine" mind set lately. Yeah, I get some intense lows but they haven't been consistent like they were plus I don't even know what fucking causes them. Somedays I just wake up and it's like, "oh cool, I'm floating in an abyss today". Some days I know if I spend too much time alone, my thoughts will suffocate me. Some days I wake up normal, and halfway through they day a switch flips out of nowhere and I'm just exhausted and don't want to exist. Sometimes I'm so numb or out of it I know I just shouldn't be driving because I feel nothing or feel out of my body.

But lately there's been none of that, and I've been good. So.

Yikes, this shit is not linear at all lol It's going in any and all directions. And there really is no point to it either. Just. Wanted to talk to myself about some things in my brain. But either way.

Therapy on Friday. Be there or be square! 98% sure I'm gonna be square because I just simplyyyyy do not want to go, nor do I see the point of it at the moment.

I also probably really need sleep. Or at least more sleep since I did in fact sleep pretty decently last night.

Oh! I'm also kind of in love with Taylor Zakhar Perez. He's so pretty it's irritating lmao He's also gonna play Alex in the RW&RB movie and I can't wait. I'm watching it with Lex on Saturday (Aug 12) since she has D&D on Aug 11 (cries in I wanted to watch it that night but I GUESS I'll fucking wait lol). But yeah. Hashtag daddy

-Seven

07.26.2023

[messy-gemini1]

Your ‘His No Life Queen’ story was so good!!! I love Alucard and he deserves so much love!!!

Would you write an oneshot where his little girl wants him to have a tea party please? Like a tea party with her stuffed plushies, Seras and him wearing a pink tutus, tiaras, even glitter, and sitting on a teeny tiny chair holding an tiny cup and his daughter telling him he needs to stretch his pinky while holding it. His love comes to see this and finds it adorable, yet amusing too and even takes a picture. I just want to read some domestic bliss with him too and maybe him telling that he’ll make sure his wife is pregnant with their second child by the end of the day.

omg! of course! I love this!

Tea party for a princess

The pitter patter of little feet can be heard down the halls as a child runs down them, pulling the hand of Seras who does her best to follow the young one as she pulled her from room to room.

"What are you looking for, Miss (D/n)" Seras asks, after finally slowing down to a walk next to the young girl. "papa" she said, looking up at the Vampirine. Seras tilts her head cartoonishly before she is once again tugged by the girl.

Alucard slumbers in his throne. Sleep going well for the no life King, his shades, sliding down to the tip of his nose. his sharp ears pinpoint the sound of his young child's footsteps as they carefully walk to him. A small grin forms on his lips, Ruby eyes opening just as his daughter peeks her head around the edge of his throne.

"pst papa. teatime" she speaks, attempting to tug him out of his chair. Alucard's watches with amusement as she huffs and pouts as she tries to pull his much larger form out of his throne. "Alright alright, little bat" He stands up, scooping (D/n) into his arms as she giggles.

Alucard carries his daughter down the halls of the estate as (D/n) excitedly shifts in his arms, jumping down when they reach her room. "c'mon c'mon" she says, dragging him in where he spots a nervous Seras sitting, covering in a tiara and a fluffy boa. Alucard now realized what situation he had put himself in.

"No papa! pinky out!" (D/n) huffed as she made her father hold his pinky out, his red coat swapped for his daughters much brighter and bright pink sheet she made into a cape.

Alucard watched as his daughter pretended to drink her fake tea with Seras. His mind wandered. how had he become do lucky to get a family? He was damned by God himself to walk forever alone for eternity yet here he was having a tea party with his daughter, wrapped in colorful pink and plushies littering the room.

"You will make a fine Princess, my little Draculina" Alucard speaks, (D/n) looking over at him and grinning wide, her small fang shining in the light. "I'm already a princess daddy! Cause you're the king and Mama's the queen" she said.

"Yes, you are, my little Prințesă" Your voice speaks from the doorway, a grin never leaving your lips as you survey the room, landing on your lover who looks so out of place amongst the girls and the toys. Alucard stand up, stepping closer to your form and pulling you to his chest.

"have you come to join our tea party mama?" your daughter smiles up at you. You glance from your husbands gaze to your daughter and give her a smile "not today my love, I came for your papa but he appears to be out of commission" you snickers, feeling his arm tighten around your waist until your flush against his form.

"do be careful, Regina mea" He speaks, leaning into your ear "or I fear i'll have to put another child inside of you tonight and put you out of commission" he growls lowly and licks the shell of your ear, causing your from to become flustered.

"M-master!" Seras squeaks covering (D/n) ears as he barks out a laugh and throws your form over his shoulder with ease. "Sorry to leave the party so early, but it appears your mother needs to be taught a lesson" he grins and walks out of the room all the while as you struggle to get out of his arms as your skin turns darker.

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A/n: i hope you liked how this turned out! I'm a little sick but i wanted to make this since I loved the idea! Requests are always open so feel free to request stuff!!