#i just love it when terrible things happen to fictional characters

[iwannarunawayandbeapirate]

HELL YEAH EYE REMOVAL LET'S FUCKING GOOOOOOO

[tearlessrain]

please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!

gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.

SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:

diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.

non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.

the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.

now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.

if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.

if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.

this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.

it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.

but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.

[fairyhaos]

how seventeen act with their bookworm s/o

requested by my dearest 🍒 anon!

masterlist

seungcheol

just. buys you everything you want. bookmarks, books, book signing tickets, bookshelves, hell he'll even build you your own library to house your books if that's what you want. he'd buy u anything you want anyway tbh, but he knows how much you love reading so his gift-giving tendencies have shifted towards the side of fully letting you indulge in your hobbies. what can he say? he likes seeing you happy. 

jeonghan

sometimes he'll just sit there and watch you read bc he thinks that you're just really cute. likes to watch all the different facial expressions you make whilst you're reading through different passages, and laughs when you give horrified gasps whenever the characters make terrible choices. gets bored whilst listening to you explain the plot, but Loves when you explain the drama to him like you're teenage girls gossiping over the latest drama

joshua

doesn't know how you have the time or patience to just sit there reading words for hours, but he supports your hobby for sure. sometimes when you're feeling down, he'll take you to the nearest bookstore and buys every single book you so much as hint at having an interest in. buys you handbags that are big enough for books to fit inside so when you two go out with others, you can bring ur emotional support book for when things get too boring 🫡

junhui

goes “ooh what are u reading???” when he catches you holding a new book. you tell him the title and the genre, but as soon as you begin explaining the plot, his eyes are glazing over and he's already clocked out of the conversation. he tries his best to listen, he really does!!! but he supposes it just isn't for him :(( watches the movie adaptations w you if there is one tho and let's you rant about the deviations the directors made from the novel

hoshi

gets insanelyyyy jealous when you find a new fictional character to fixate and fawn over bc like, hello???? your boyfriend is literally right here????? why are you crying over some character that doesn't exist????? but then you argue that you put up with his tiger agenda so he can at least put up with this. doesn't like reading the books, but loves you explaining it aloud to him, hand gestures and all. he thinks it's really cute. 

wonwoo

entertains all your theories about the lore and character backstories of the novels you've been reading lately. you could look like that one guy in the corkboard meme with the red string and he'll just smile indulgently and ask you to tell him more. he's bought you about 70% of all the books you own, and he's not stopping any time soon. he'll stop when you run out of books to read, probably. and by the looks of it, that's not happening any time soon.

woozi

absolutely loves all those fantasy/ dystopian kinds of books the most. at first he was like “:// no thanks i have work” when you first asked him to read some books but now he likes reading them in his free time bc he gets to discuss lore with you in the evenings. likes watching the movie adaptations if they exist, bc then you both get to either applaud the accurate adaptation or complain loudly at the horrible inaccuracies that distort the plot beyond repair

minghao

forces you to take rest breaks every now and then when you're going on a whole reading binge bc it is Not good for your eyesight okay and he worries about you >:((( brews theeee best tea of all time for u and he'll sit down next to you in bed with his own book as you both read throughout the rest of the day. those are the best kinds of days, tbh. nothing gets better than sitting next to the person you love most and doing the thing you love most too

mingyu

he's the type to watch you with soppy eyes as you're reading your book beside him in bed. raises an eyebrow at you fondly when you finally finished, the “how was it?” clear in his eyes, and he just laughs delightedly when you simply explode with all the pent-up emotions as you rant to him about the ending and all the drama and tension that went on in the lead-up to it. loves that you're so passionate about your books. thinks it's super endearing. 

dokyeom

asks for book recs every. single. month. then adds them to his list before promptly forgetting about them and asks for recs again. thinks that everything you read sounds like theee most interesting thing in the world which is why he's always asking for the titles, but he's just always so busy you know?? he did somehow actually read ‘the song of achilles’ bc of your rec, however, and cried over it for 2 days straight

seungkwan

likes to have, like. a mini book club between the two of you where you both read the same book bc then he gets to fully understand your rants and also bc he actually gets kind of invested??? his favourite genres are those modern slice-of-life ones bc then he gets to trash talk with you about all the bad decisions the characters are making in their lives

vernon

you read books, he plays games. the both of you can sit together in complete silence and be utterly content, and the arrangement works for you both. (seungkwan thinks you guys are crazy for just being able to sit there with your respective hobbies and Not Talk.) he bought you a kindle for christmas which turned out to be the best present ever bc now you never go anywhere without it. you thank him for it at least 3 times a day. 

chan

thinks your love of books is one of your biggest charms. he met you on the train where he made the mistake of asking what book you were reading and ended up sitting through a 25 minute explanation and missing his stop, but it was okay bc he liked hearing you talk and ended the day with your number in his phone, so he counted it as a win. definitely a win in his opinion bc now he gets to listen to your book explanations as your boyfriend <3

request guidelines

reactions tags: @weird-bookworm @minhui896 @slytherinshua @haowrld @belladaises @newgirlygirl @moonlitskiiies @mirxzii @wonranghaeee @yonabutnotyuna @crackedpumpkin @wqnwoos @kthstrawberryshortcake-main @kawennote09 @a-wandering-stay @icyminghao @valenhui @sweet-like-caramel @odxrilove @kyeomyun @chansburgah @pepperonijem @jeonride @kellesvt @kikohao @astrozuya @eightlightstar @onlyyjeonghan @aaniag @starshuas @all-american-fangirl @f1uffyjun @sea-moon-star @nonononranghaee @isabellah29 @mcu-incorrect @hrts4hanniehae @suraandsugar @pan-de-seungcheol @dokyeomkyeom @melodicrabbit @bananabubble

[thornybubbles]

Fourth Wall (JJBA Yandere Scenario)

Scenario: Recently, you’ve moved on from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure to a different anime series and fandom. You realize that this was a terrible mistake.

Note: This is based on a prompt I saw on Tumblr ages ago. I just expanded on it a bit. 

Warnings: Typical Yandere behavior, threats, abusive behavior, possible harm towards reader, mental distress, anti-comfort. Remember that you alone are responsible for what you read. 

-----------

Changing fandoms wasn’t that unusual for you. You would find a new anime, fall in love with it, then it became your new hyperfixation. After a while, the process would repeat. This is what happened with you and JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. It wasn’t that you didn’t like the series anymore, you just moved on to a new anime/manga. Still…it felt different this time. You weren’t sure why, but ever since you moved on to your new favorite series, you had this unexplainable feeling of guilt wash over you every time you watched an episode of your new favorite anime or read the latest chapter of the manga. Stranger still, there was an underlying feeling of dread as well. 

As many times as you’d changed fandoms, you’d never experienced such feelings before. It was uncomfortable and you wished that you could move on to your new obsession without any strings attached. It was ridiculous, really. Why should you feel guilty about a change of taste? You weren’t hurting anything. No one would be affected by it. And yet, you still felt unnecessary shame over changing fandoms. You guessed it had something to do with the lingering attachment you had for certain characters from various parts throughout the series. It almost felt like you were leaving them behind somehow. Another silly notion. They were fictional characters and did not exist outside of the world within JoJo. They had no knowledge of you, much less having knowledge of your “betrayal”. You decided that it was stupid to dwell on it and dived headfirst into your new favorite series. That guilty feeling would surely fade after a while. 

You got the perfect opportunity to binge your new favorite anime one day. It was one of those days when you were fortunate enough to have nothing to do. All of your responsibilities had been dealt with and you had no plans other than to sit on your ass and watch your new favorite show until bedtime. Sure, you could go out with friends, but you really just wanted to chill by yourself for the day. So anime binge party it was. You made a comfy nest of blankets and pillows on the couch and set up your laptop on the coffee table. You got some snacks and a drink, made yourself comfortable on the couch, and pressed play on the screen. You relaxed into the softness of your pillows and blankets and immersed yourself in another world for a few hours. 

About ten episodes in, you had to go to the bathroom very badly. All of that soda you’d drunk was taking its toll on your bladder. You paused the video, untangled yourself from your blankets, and stiffly power-walked to the bathroom. Once you relieved yourself, you washed your hands and went back into the living room. You snuggled back into your blanket burrito and reached over to start the video, but something wasn’t right. On the screen wasn’t the anime you’d been watching. It was the first episode of Phantom Blood. 

What…???

Did you accidently click the wrong thing in your haste to pause the video and rush to the bathroom? 

That had to be it. 

It was the only thing that made sense. 

You clicked off of the JoJo episode and went back to the previous page which took you back to the episode of the new anime you’d been watching. You found the place in the episode that you left off on and pressed play. You settled back in your comfy nest and watched the rest of the episode. You watched for another hour or so. During the opening of one of the episodes, you suddenly found yourself watching the opening for an episode of Battle Tendency. You sat up straight and stared at the screen in shock and confusion. 

“What the fuck?” you muttered under your breath. 

You refreshed the page and the episode started properly. That’s the second time your video was suddenly changed to an episode of JoJo. The first time you assumed that it was because of an accidental click but now you weren’t so sure. You hadn’t been touching anything when it happened the second time. All you were doing was staring at the screen when the switch happened. Why did it keep happening? Some kind of glitch with the streaming service? You didn’t know, but it was a bit annoying. You hoped that wouldn’t be a constant thing while you were trying to watch your show. 

The rest of the day went by without further incident. Eventually, you noticed that it had grown dark and you decided that your day of doing absolutely nothing needed to come to a close. You closed your laptop and reluctantly pried yourself off of the couch. As much as you wanted to just lay there in your blanket nest, you knew that you’d get a much better sleep in your bed. So you hobbled off to your room; your mind on nothing but getting a decent night’s sleep. 

You woke up a few hours later with a dried out mouth and an aching throat. You swallowed a few times, wincing at the sandpapery feeling of your tongue against the inside of your mouth. Well that’s what you get for sleeping with your mouth wide open. You flung the covers off of you grumpily and climbed out of bed. You stumbled into the kitchen, not daring to turn the light on and submit your sleep sensitive eyes to an onslaught of painful luminosity. You made your way over to the counter, grabbed a glass, and staggered over to the sink. As you were filling the glass you suddenly had the feeling that something wasn’t quite right. You assumed that it was your sleep fogged brain at work. After all, part of the reason you woke up was because you were having a disturbing dream. You tried to remember what the dream was about, but you couldn’t piece the memories together to get a full picture. You just remembered being in a place that made you uncomfortable and meeting someone that was familiar to you, but their presence frightened you. You just couldn’t remember the details. It kinda made you want to stay awake for the rest of the night but you decided against that. You knew you’d feel like shit the next day if you didn’t get back to sleep. There was nothing worse than waking up with a splitting headache due to lack of proper rest. You downed the glass of water and put the empty glass in the sink. 

You suddenly became aware of a strange odor in the air. What was that smell? Smoke? God, was something burning?! You took another sniff of the air and recognized the smell as specifically cigarette smoke. Okay, so that meant that your house wasn’t burning down. That was good news, but why would you be smelling cigarette smoke? The only way you would be smelling cigarette smoke is if it were coming from in the same room as you…

You heard the sound of rustling fabric from somewhere behind you. You spun around and immediately spotted the outline of someone sitting at your kitchen table. You could also make out the small glow of a lit cigarette sticking out of their mouth. As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, you could make out some details of the figure. They were large, broad shouldered, and wore a long white coat, and on their head rested an oddly shaped hat. In the miniscule amount of light in the room you could make out the glint of gold accessories on both their hat and coat. 

“No way…” you gasped in a quiet voice. “No way in hell…” 

The figure lit a lighter and held it to the wick of the candle that was located in the middle of the table. Once the candle was lit fully, you could see the figure better. It was as you expected, Jotaro as he appeared in part four was sitting at your kitchen table, glaring at you as if you were less than dogshit. 

“You recognize me?” he scoffed and took another drag from his cigarette. “I’m surprised. I thought you forgot all about me… about us….” 

You backed up against the counter, unable to believe what you were seeing and hearing. 

Jotaro glanced down at the cigarette in his hand. He held it up in front of him. 

“This is your fault, you know.” he sneered. “I quit smoking, but after you abandoned us, I started the habit again. I’ve been tolerant so far because I was stupid enough to think that you’d come back eventually. Maybe you were just taking a break and you’d come back when you were bored… that was my stupidity. I’ll own up to that. But when I realized that you’d thrown us aside like trash, well, I got pissed. I guess I took up smoking again just to stay sane…” 

You were so appalled at the fictional character seated at your table that you hadn’t been paying much attention to what he was saying. Slowly the words began to filter into your mind and of everything he said, one thing stood out the most…

He said “us”. He said that you had abandoned “us”...

That’s when you became aware of the other figures lined up behind Jotaro. 

You could make out their shapes and features in the candlelight. Jonathan stood there looking as utterly brokenhearted as a man could be. Joseph had a smug grin on his face as if he’d just caught you committing a crime. Josuke’s face was contorted in a vicious snarl while his fists were clenched by his sides. Ever so often his left eye would twitch indicating that he may be on the verge of a psychotic break. Giorno offered you a placid smile that was off putting when set against the coldness of his eyes. 

Your eyes darted nervously from one face to another before finally settling back on Jotaro’s. It was too much. You pushed away from the counter and ran out of the kitchen. A voice that probably belonged to Jonathan called out for you to stop but you paid it no attention. Luckily the kitchen was right next to the front door. Once you were outside, you could run to the neighbor’s house and get them to call the police. You wouldn’t dare tell them the truth. What would you even say? You couldn’t tell them that five fictional characters from an anime had invaded your house. They’d think you were on something. You would just tell them that someone had broken into your house. That’s all. Honestly, you didn’t know what the hell the police could do against them, but you didn’t know what else to do. You reached the front door but your hand froze just as you were about to unlock the door and yank it open. 

Two people were staring down at you from the window in the front door, two people you recognized. Kars looked down his nose at you with a haughty expression. He looked ever so much like a strict parent that had just caught his kid trying to sneak out of the house. DIO on the other hand had the most sadistic smile on his face. He made a “come-hither” gesture with his clawed hand as if he fully expected you to just open the door and throw yourself at him. Their eyes glowed with a hellish light and you couldn’t take the sight of them. You screamed and backed away from the door. As you stepped back, you saw two other familiar faces staring at you from the windows on either side of the door. Doppio had one hand pressed against the glass while the other hand held a rock from the garden to his ear as if it were a cell phone. One of his eyes had changed to a jade green color and glared at you with intense rage. His other, normal eye had a pitiful, disappointed look in it. From the other window Kira stared at you with an utterly emotionless expression. You didn’t dare speculate on what kind of thoughts could be going through his head at that moment. You screamed again and started to turn and run towards the back door…

“Star Platinum!” 

Suddenly you were held tight in an iron like hold. An invisible hand covered your mouth preventing you from screaming anymore. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that you were being held in place by Jotaro’s Stand. Struggling in Star Platinum’s grip was useless so you just hung there in midair as Jotaro approached you. 

“We weren’t done talking.” he snapped. 

He leaned in slightly and you got a whiff of cigarette smoke mixed with cologne. 

“Now you listen and you listen good,” he started to say. He held up a single finger.

“One. Just one more chance. That’s all you get. Come back to us and there won’t be a problem. Leave us again and it will get ugly.” he said, glancing up at the villains peering through the windows. His upper lip curled in disgust when he locked eyes with DIO and Kira, but only for a moment before his eyes were back on you. 

“Is that understood?” he asked. 

You nodded your head, whimpering behind Star Platinum’s invisible palm. 

“Good.” 

You don’t know what happened after that. You just woke up in your bed with a pounding headache. 

“Fuck…” you groaned, pressing your hands to your temples. 

You felt awful. You could only guess that you just simply didn’t sleep very well. Damn nightmares. What was with that dream? Was it all because you felt guilty about leaving the JoJo fandom? You grumbled and rolled out of bed. You were going to need to take something for that headache. First you needed to get a glass of water. You stumbled off to the kitchen getting an uncomfortable feeling of deja vu. The moment you entered the kitchen, your eyes glanced to the kitchen table and you nearly fainted. 

The candle was out, but it was smoking as if it had only been put out mere moments ago. The cigarette butt that rested on the saucer that had been used as a makeshift ashtray was also still smoking. 

That night you made it a point to sit down and watch a few episodes of JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure starting with Phantom Blood. You planned to rewatch the entire series from the very beginning all the way to Stone Ocean. With each episode you watched, you noticed that ever so often a character’s eyes would slide over towards you as if making sure you were still there, watching them. Sometimes it would be one of the main characters. Sometimes it would be one of the villains. Sometimes it would be a side character. Regardless, they all kept checking to see if you were watching. Every day, you would make it a point to watch at least one episode of JoJo, no matter what. You didn’t dare skip out on your daily dose of JoJo. You also never went back to the other anime you’d been watching after you left the JoJo fandom. No, you learned your lesson. You were familiar enough with Jotaro’s character to know that he only gave people one chance and no more. Just like with Rubber Soul and Steely Dan. He gave them both a chance to leave mostly unscathed but they both decided to turn on him at the last minute. They both were punished severely. You weren’t going to make that same mistake. 

So you sat there on the couch, stiff and terrified as you watched your “favorite” anime… 

… like a good little fan should…

[uravitypng]

𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝'𝐬 𝐚 𝐛𝐢𝐭𝐜𝐡

pairing: denki kaminari x reader

word count: 4.8k words

a/n: i'm so glad i finished this and i hope you all like this because i loved writing this. denki's girlfriend is possibly one of the worst people ever...

content warnings: cheating(denki cheats on his girlfriend with reader), praise, unprotected sex, creamie/coming inside, body worship, denki's girlfriend is the absolute worst, multiple orgasms, pining, reader has some self esteem issues and self doubts but denki shows her how perfect she is, oral(f!recieving), denki calls condoms rubber, reader is in denial, petnames, reader is hinted to be chubby, - mdni/18+

you didn't even want to be here... you always got a bad vibe off of them. you're 'friends' with mina but just barely, yet somehow she's dragged you to a party with people who you're definitely not 'friends' with.

at least kaminari is here, he always smiles at you and makes conversation with you even if his girlfriend is a total bitch and probably is the worst out of all of them.

you miss the time before you knew they were dating. somehow after finding that out his girlfriend seemed even worse and more entitled.

you walk into the kitchen in hopes to get another drink but instead you hear that bitch and you had a feeling she was originally talking about you and it was confirmed when she said your name. "i don't know why she's even here. the only reason mina invited her was out of pity." she says spitefully. your eyes well up with tears, maybe you did get invited out of pity, mina is someone who would do that, she knows you don't have many friends.

this whole time you don't realise kaminari is behind you hearing the same thing you are and his face twists in disgust as he hears his girlfriend carry on speaking, "she's just so boring, it's no wonder she's single." your heart fills heavy, it's not your fault that you're single you've just never found someone you clicked with, you blame it on all the fictional characters you like and you often compared them to all your potential relationships. "she's ugly. it's almost a crime that she's at a party with us, that she's in hinami's home. when i started dating kami i met some of his other friends from school when he was younger, that's when i met mineta. the really short one y'know? short, pervy and unattractive, all around terrible guy. he's probably going to be single for the rest of his life, the only way he's not is if he dates her and even then it'll be him who's the more better looking one." they laugh.

why, why, why? what did you ever do to them?

you know you're not the most interesting or the most attractive but you don't deserve this- no one does. you don't want to make a scene but you have to leave, you can't stay here any longer. you wish you could speak up for yourself but you can't and even if you could what good would it do? so you decide to leave before you start hyperventilating, before saying goodbye to mina. turning around to leave when you literally bump into kaminari and there's an expression on his face that you've never seen before and he doesn't even try to hide it.

he looks angry. more than angry, he looks pissed. he's gripping hold of the beer he's drinking so hard that his hands are becoming white around the bottle, his jaw is clenched and his stare is hard but when he feels you bump into him his eyes soften when he looks at you and takes you in. you're biting your lip trying not to sob and tears are filling your waterline. as you see him you can't stop the dam from breaking as the tears heavily stream down your face. as you push past him you hope to never see him again- any of them.

that doesn't happen though. denki has made it a point to wiggle himself into your life, inserting himself there. it happened that very night after you left the party, about half an hour after you arrived home and changed into comfy clothes he came knocking on you door. "kaminari? how... how do you know where i live? wait, what- hold up, what are you even doing here?"

why is he wet, has it been raining? he smiles genuinely at you, even though he's soaked to the bone, freezing from the rain and so very irate with his girlfriend just seeing you cheers him up. he's never seen you in a comfortable setting before, a setting where you're not dressing up from anyone, you look even cuter than normal...

"can i come in?" he asks you and you blink slowly and heavily a few times, processing the question. it relaxes you because the way he says it sounds like a sincere questions. sometimes when people ask a question you know you have to answer a certain way, you know there is a right way.

sometimes when someone asks "can i...?" you have to say yes because saying no isn't really an option, they're not really asking you. but when you heard denki say, "can i come in?" you relax because you know you could just say no and that would be okay, he would be okay with that. if you told him no he 'can't come in' he'd just leave and won't push you to say yes or try to make you feel guilty. sometimes questions like "can i come in?" or a "can we go here?" are almost rhetorical question.

he makes you feel safe.

you nod your head and step aside letting him through. "okay," you reply softly and a little hoarsely, slightly annoyed at yourself for not speaking more louder and assertively.

"how are you feeling?"

the tether that's keeping you from becoming frustrated feels like it starts fraying "how do you think i'm feeling?" beginning to get annoyed at him because why is he even here talking to you, shouldn't he still be at hinema's house with his girlfriend?

"yeah... that's a stupid question, sorry." denki rubs the back of his head with hand and steps a little bit closer to you. "let me make you feel better," he blurts out.

"huh?"

denki steps even closer to you and gently holds onto your hand, clasping it in his. "let me... let me make you feel better. let me apologise on my girlfriends behalf..." your eyes go wide starting to have an idea about what he means but not wanting to verbalise it and jump to conclusions, worrying to get the wrong idea. "let me... show you- show you how beautiful you are, how wonderful you are." he squeezes your hand momentarily and says quietly, almost begging, "please."

"what about your girlfriend?" you say girlfriend with disdain.

"what about her? she doesn't matter. let me show you how pretty you are love."

your heartbeat increases at the nickname and your face heats up. "i- i don't know kaminari."

"denki." he says gently but authoritatively.

"what?"

"please, please call me denki." he pleads, squeezing your hand again.

"okay, denki..." you test his name on your tongue and it sounds right, like you should always be saying it.

even now you're still not sure to what compelled you to say, "please show me denki." you never regretted your answer.

it starts slowly, gently, tenderly. denki cups your cheek in his palm and kisses you, placing his other hand on your hip keeping you close to him. the longer you kiss the more hungry it becomes and you're not really sure if it was you or him that deepened the kiss and pressed your bodies up against each other.

"can i love?" he gestures to your top that he's currently fiddling with the hem of, wanting to lift it up so he can touch you properly and get a good look at you.

you hum in affirmation and keep your lips attached to his, not wanting to separate. denki slivers your top up and puts his hand where it used to be, now on your exposed supple flesh, his cold hands stroking your skin delicately. as you feel his hands you shudder remembering now about how drenched he is. "you must be freezing denki." you finally move away from his lips and see his clothes covered in rain with rain drops dripping down his hair landing on his shoulders.

"it's okay. completely worth it." denki grins at you and you suddenly feel shy by the way he's looking at you. you definitely feel pretty by his gaze, it's electrifying and makes you feel bashful all at once.

"do- do you want a towel to dry yourself off with?" denki kisses your jaw and smiles, distracting you.

"don't worry about it love." his breathe against your neck making you shiver. you pout even though he can't see you and you still worry, not wanting him to get a cold. "you keep me warm."

"but-"

denki presses his lips against yours and wraps both his arms around your waist. you moan quietly and he lifts your top up over your head. "is this okay?"

"yes please," you respond, hoping not to sound too needy.

he smirks at your tone and takes off the rest of your clothes. "jesus, you look even more beautiful than i imagined," he says quietly to himself, you're not sure if you were suppose to hear it or if he even meant to say it out loud. denki runs his hands along the curves of your body.

"you imagined me?" you match his volume and he looks startled at your question, obviously surprised that you heard what he said, you come to the conclusion that he thought he was thinking but he actually said out loud

"who wouldn't? you're beautiful." denki kisses your shoulder and holds one of your breasts in his large hands, stroking your nipple as you bite your lip to stop any embarrassing noises spilling out. you're already feeling shy as it is after denki has said such nice things about you.

after realising what you were doing he takes your chin in his hand and tilts you to look at him so you're making eye contact. "look at me. you don't need to do that. not with me. i want to see you. i want to hear all the noises you make, i want you."

denki grazes his teeth along your neck and you gasp. "those are the noises i wanted." you press your lips together trying not to smile, denki grins at how adorable you look.

he moves to take off his shirt and you thought he looked good beforehand in a casual black button up shirt but god does he look even better with it off. you thought he'd be kind of skinny but he's actually lean and a little slim. you can see some defining muscle, his arms are just the same. a couple of moles on his forearms and faint freckles dust his shoulders and upper chest. you wonder if he has light freckles on his face too because you've never once seen them but maybe you haven't looked hard enough.

you know you're probably staring a tiny bit too much at his slender waist and yellow happy trail that matches the colour of his hair and he doesn't mind one bit, happy that you like what you see and fond of your attention.

"like what you see?" he chuckles. you go to hide your face behind your hand after being caught but denki catches your wrist. "what did i tell you? i want to see you sweetheart." you have the urge to bury your face against his chest, hiding away from his gaze but you resist the urge.

everything became a little hazy after that for the next ten minutes, denki has manoeuvred you into your bedroom onto your bed, hovering over you, and keeping you in between his two arms. you pull denki down by wrapping your arms around his neck so you can kiss him again. the kiss begins slow and sweet before denki runs his tongue against your bottom lip, silently asking for access into your mouth and you grant him it. your tongues intertwine and you can still taste that cheap beer he's been drinking that's still lingering even though you've already been kissing previously.

you could kiss denki all night but he has other plans as he starts touching your breasts again and moves his hand down your body to get you ready for his cock, surprised to find that you're already wet. "wet from just a little kissing? that's so cute." he kisses your cheek and whispers against your ear.

"denki," you whine, "don't tease me."

he has to take a deep breath after hearing you whine, not wanting to let you know how bad you affect him because if you keep making noises like that he'll come in his boxers before he gets inside you. "it's okay love." he grinds himself against your thigh, groaning at the contact, letting you feel how hard he is. "i'm just the same." he says deeply and you shiver at the knowledge that denki is just as turned on as you. he's turned on by you.

his dick is almost painful with being contained in his jeans so he rushes to take them off. precome stains his grey boxers turning the area black and he takes them off too, grinning at you. the one way you would describe denki's dick is pretty, just like him so it makes sense. he's a little longer than average, circumcised and pubes trimmed. you want him inside you. now.

"do you have a- you know?" denki asks, gesturing to your bedside cabinet. he regrets not carrying any condoms in his pocket or wallet but his girlfriend only likes having sex in ones of their bedrooms. she's not a fan of spontaneous sex.

"oh, um, maybe? in the bathroom. i wasn't really expecting this and i don't- don't do this a lot... at all really." you admit, while trying to think about where you keep condoms because you must have them somewhere but you keep coming up a blank. the entire time denki's thinking about how you never do this, it makes him feel special, special that you're letting him make you feel good.

you want him... all of him. "i um-i-i'm on the pill." denki's eyes snap up to look at you.

"holy shit are you serious right now?" he asks automatically and enthusiastically, his face lighting up.

you start regretting your suggestion and denki can tell by the look on your face, he thinks he probably spooked you. "we don't need to do anything like that if you don't want to love. i can eat you out for hours. i mean hell, that sounds like at absolute dream." you giggle after hearing that. "sorry i was a bit quick and excited there, i've just never had sex without any rubber on."

you're surprised after hearing that, thinking that he's the type to go without and you tell him just that. "i think that was why i was so excited, i've always wanted too. it's always been a dream of mine and i don't like using them but i've never brought it up with any of the girls i've been with."

"well.. is it okay that i brought it up?" you ask more confident seeing that denki is delighted with the idea.

"fuck yeah. i trust you like crazy. if it was going to be anyone i'd want it to be you." he tells you, grinning. he trusts you. if he had the opportunity with anyone he'd choose you? your heart flutters.

"i don't really like condoms either and i want you, all of you." you tell him shyly and denki's heart misses a beat after your confession.

next thing you know denki is pushing his cock into, inch by inch. even though denki has already prepped you and has been touching you there is still a slight stretch. both you and denki groan simultaneously. your velvet, warm, wet walls welcome him without any barrier.

what comes out of denki next is a mixture of moans, groans, swearing and praising with each thrust. "fucking hell, holy shit sweetheart. you're fucking beautiful, most beautiful girl in the world, so pretty." with each praise and compliment every slight doubt that lingers in the back of your mind disappears, your sole focus being on the man above you. "you feel so good, lovely." he holds your hands in his, enlacing your fingers, that seems far too intimate for a supposedly one night stand to make you feel better.

he catches on to how to please you best with every gasp, noise and shake, and only after a couple minutes he seems to know your body better than you do. with every thrust he's rubbing against your g-spot, drawing circles over your clit and taking your nipple in his mouth.

you came harder than you ever came that night, multiple times with your ears going fuzzy and eyes going blurry. denki doesn't let you know but he's in the same boat, his come spilling into you, the warmth making you shudder and arch your back, grabbing onto him tightly. he's never came as much as he did and he knows that it's all because of you.

you don't know how it happened but denki ended up staying the night and leaving in the early hours of the morning. this wasn't how your night was suppose to go but you don't regret it. he did what he said he would when he arrived on your doorstep, he did make you feel better and he did make sure you didn't spend the night upset and feeling insecure and alone. that night was so shitty, his girlfriend was so shitty yet he succeeded in making it a good night.

when he came to your door you thought there was a silent understanding, a one night stand and after this he'll go back to his girlfriend. for that one night he'll be making up for what his girlfriend said but it didn't turn out like that.

you expected to not see denki for months, that is if you ever see him again. you expected to go back to calling him by his last name and trying to forget what he looks like nude and how his stomach went taunt as he was about to climax but instead you saw him a week after when he knocked on your door, slamming his lips against yours and pushing you against your wall. at least once a week for months now you would see him, you know you should feel bad for his girlfriend, he is cheating on her with you, but you don't, not in the slightest.

after the first few times denki came by again you slipped in some questions afterwards, wanting to know if he was doing this with other girls. he isn't.

wanting to know if you're still the only person he's slept with without wearing a condom. yes you are and he has no intention of changing that.

you've never asked him any questions involving morality like if he feels guilty or if he loves his girlfriend. it doesn't involve you.

you're aware now your relationship has developed more than it once was, the closest label you have would be friends with benefits. some nights denki knocks on your door unannounced, like always, with a bag of popcorn and your favourite snacks ready to watch a new film that has just come out on netflix. he's probably the closest friend you have, you stay clear of his girlfriend though, she isn't even aware that you and denki are close now. hopefully the last time she's spoken about you or thought about you was at that dreadful party and hopefully it stays that way.

denki likes his girlfriend... he does... if he was quoting mean girls he'd say something along the lines of - there's good and bad to everybody. but his girlfriend is just more upfront about it.

that would be a lie though. there are some things he likes about his girlfriend and when they're alone together it can be really good but he then remembers about how awful her attitude is towards other people. towards you. sneaking around and cheating on her is honestly rather thrilling for him and he likes the idea of silently letting you get your own back.

sometimes he'll rationalise it in his own head while he's drunk. cheating on her is okay because he's always wanted to sleep with you. it's okay because ever since you first met, denki wished you were his girlfriend.

he could never end it with his current girlfriend, his parents always ask about her and it would cause a rift in their friend group. near the beginning of their relationship his girlfriend brought herself a dog but he prefers denki over her, opting to want his attention over hers. if they did break up he knows he'd never see that dog again, he's grown to love it. it's just as much of his than it is hers but he knows that that won't matter and he'll never see him again if they broke up. they work next to each other and they go to all the same places.

he could never break up with her, he'd never hear the end of it with his parents.

so for now he gets to have some joy from getting to see you and kiss you and lay his head on your lap while you watch television together. if he tries hard enough he can almost imagine you're his girlfriend instead.

one night denki's at yours, you're not doing any explicit but you're just enjoying your night together, that is until she spoils it. denki's ringtone going off disrupts hot fuzz and he takes the call not even bothering to pause the movie. you decide to turn it down though. "kamiiiii, where are?" god her voice is grating. once a voice that spewed such nasty things about you now just sounds annoying. "i came by yours and you're not here."

denki closes his eyes shut tight, it looks to you that he's annoyed too. "sorry, i'm out tonight." he lies and know what is about to happen next.

"don't you want to see me. c'mon home, we can spend the night together." she giggles into the phone. you knew it. you knew what would happen when he answered that call from her.

denki knows he does't really have a choice without explaining where he is so he agrees to come see her. "okay, i'll be there soon." you both stay silent for a moment not talking before he breaks the silence. "i'm sorry love, we didn't even get to finish the film. i swear we can finish it next time." he apologises.

he thought he saw disappointment on your face for a second but he knows that he's just seeing things, you wouldn't be disappointed for him to go, you're not like that, he knows to you that he's just someone to fuck. he knows that you're using him to get back at his girlfriend. he doesn't mind that one bit though, as long as you're in his life.

"you can watch the rest without me if you wanted to." he tells you getting up from the sofa.

you shake your head, "no, no, it's fine. we can watch it next time. bye kaminari."

'oh no she's annoyed at me, she called me kaminari. she hasn't called me that in months. maybe she wanted to have sex tonight and i've ruined her plans. i can't stay now though, i'm already leaving. i'll have to make it up to her.'

you don't know why you called him kaminari, you knew it was petty but that didn't stop you from saying it. sometimes you get so caught up with denki you forget that outside of your home he isn't yours and he never will be. you're just sleeping together, that's all, and you don't want anything more than that... you don't...

denki thought about you all night, you never left his mind. he hates that he left you but he felt like he had no option. if he was anyone else he would have enough sense to distance himself from you but when it comes to you his judgement gets cloudy and he'll do whatever he can to be in your life, even if that involves lying through his teeth to everyone about where he is.

two nights after denki left after the phone call he came to yours with a takeaway in his hand and a grin on his face. he doesn't actually say the word 'sorry,' he doesn't acknowledge that he left abruptly, he just grins and asks "hot fuzz?"

you match his grin and let him in. you thought maybe you would be a little annoyed with denki after seeing him in your doorway but you realised that you had no right to be annoyed. you're not his girlfriend.

one takeaway and half a film after you're playing with denki's hair and he hums in happiness and gratitude. "i could have you play with my hair all night but do you want to take this to the bedroom love? i'm still pretty hungry." he takes your hands away from his head so he can kiss your wrist and winks at you. you roll your eyes and call him an idiot. "just for you sweetheart." it just came out and both of you heard. denki splutters and tries to backtrack what he said but it's too late, his whole entire face is red and his eyes are wide and you're doing no better. you haven't fully processed the words yet but you're sure it was accidental, it's just denki being denki. you turn your head away from him, nervous and embarrassed. your cheeks feel like they're on fire and you don't think you have the courage to look at him in the eye. even though you've talked yourself into how it was denki just being denki you still can't look at him.

the implications that he's yours makes you incredibly happy but you don't even want to accept that, after all you just see him as a friend. he's a good fuck. you're absolutely in denial. at least he isn't. he knows he wants you to be his, fully, completely, body and mind.

you both end up trying to ignore what he said, haphazardly but relatively successful, pivoting back to denki's offer of going to the bedroom. "denks are we taking this to the bedroom or not?"

'god she's amazing.' he's so glad you aren't acting weird.

denki's got his head between your plush thighs, he's holding onto them keeping them open so you don't close them and stop him. licking a strip along your pussy, before flicking your clit a few times with his tongue and then lapping up your juices as he plays with your breast and moaning at your taste. "denki, don't do that, it's embarrassing."

he looks up from where he's laying to see you, "what? enjoy myself. don't complain or i won't let you come."

the threat of not being allowed an orgasm shuts you up, knowing that denki will absolutely deliver on that threat if he wants to. you know that he would eat you out for hours not letting your come once.

you loose track of time, your hips start rolling uncontrollably and you grab hold of his hair. "don't get greedy sweetheart, you'll come when i say you can." he holds down your thighs to stop you from moving and kisses your hip, sucking to form a mark on your soft skin. his mark.

for all his threats he does let you come. "you've been so behaved. so good sweetheart," he mumbles against your skin. you come again and again. he finally lets up and you watch him lick his lips and wink at you. you turn your head away from him and he chuckles. his erection is visible even with his jeans on and denki flops down on the bed next to you, drawing you closer so you're laying next to each other, his arm under you.

reaching down to his jeans you start stroking him through his clothes. "don't worry about that, not tonight. i just wanted to look after you, make you feel good." he places a chaste kiss on you forehead.

"you always make me feel good," you tell him honestly and his heart feels like it's beating out of his chest.

"then my work here is done." he replies and you giggle. he is completely and utterly in love with you.

he can't tell you, no matter how much he wants to. you don't feel the same way and he can't lose you.

how much longer will you stay in denial for?

will his girlfriend ever find out about you two? maybe that will be your tipping point. maybe her finding out will make you realise that you want denki more than a quick fuck or a friend. maybe her finding out will be what you need. you're in love with denki.

[thatmexisaurusrex]

I think what really gets me is what the show is telling us through that breakup. That's what hurts the most.

It's that a queer person who's sad, who's alone, who's never had a stable family life; a queer person who's only gotten to a point where they're happy with who they are later in life; a queer person who yearns for a family, for love, for being someone's first choice but doesn't believe he can ever have those things; a queer person who has obviously been burned and believes that is the only outcome for him now; that no one would want him as family. That no one would love him enough to choose him first.

He walks out that door.

Alone. Scared. Spiraling. Reacting to trauma rather than Buck himself. It's seeing that and having the show tell us, yes, that's what he deserves. That's all he gets. He doesn't get a happy ending. He doesn't get good closure. He doesn't get to believe that someone wants him enough to fight for him.

Tommy was right all along.

All his fears were true and will be what he ends up with. Older queer people who want families and are scarred by their own past experiences don't get love or a family. They don't get a place to call home.

Then, you have Buck; Buck blindsided by the trauma; Buck seeing his entire six-month relationship fall apart and just letting it happen to himself again. Having yet another person in his life, in a moment of cowardice and pain, quietly and brokenly lash out that he couldn't believe Buck would actually take this seriously; that he couldn't believe that Buck would love him once the pedestal was gone and the shininess wore off. That, once again, Buck lets his relationship play out without any idea of how to be active in it. That someone Buck loves, that he thought about possibly marriage with one day, that he wants to live with, leaves him.

That Buck, once again, is abandoned.

That Buck can't know himself.

That the show wants to lean into lazy biphobic ideas and tell us, yes, that's what Buck deserves. The thriving relationship that he had crumbles within minutes because Buck doesn't get to be happy; how can he know what happiness is if he isn't playing the field? Because nothing he did before Tommy counted. Buck 1.0 didn't count. None of his previous relationships counted. Because they were all ladies, and how can you know if you've only been with one man?

Telling the audience that you can't be happy in a relationship if it's somehow a "first", despite everything pointing to the relationship being solid and good for Buck.

It is the worst possible scenario.

It is a nightmare for both Buck and Tommy.

Both messages are terrible for the audience.

There were so many ways they could have broken up and I would have been fine with it. I've talked about it before, but I was fine with Josh and Arnold breaking up in Please Like Me and I still love the show. I watched episodes with Josh and Arnold from Please Like Me as a comfort when I was reeling about this that first night! I was fine with Alexis and Ted breaking up on Schitt's Creek and I was still fine with the show. I was okay with Amelia and Kai breaking up and I'm still watching Grey's Anatomy. Because all of those breakups were understandable. They made sense. I can like couples and be okay with them not working out. And they're fictional. Fictional shit rarely hurts me, if ever. That's not my problem at all here.

It's how this happened. It's the message it signals to the audience. It's devastating. I'm still devastated by the choice. I've never felt this way about a breakup for two characters ever. The core of my grief and genuine hurt is what the show proves it believes in through this breakup. And that's what's hurt me.

[kwanisms]

Kinktober 「10:16」 — s.changbin

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➮ werebear!Changbin × fem!Reader wc: 4.1k summary: Changbin just wanted to have a nice camping trip with his girlfriend but she has other ideas. genres/themes/au: fluff, smut; supernatural, horror, thriller; non idol au, monster idol au warnings: adult dialogue, female reader, supernatural and horror themes, mentions of: fishing, cleaning said fish, camping, storms, food & alcohol consumption; sexual content (18+ mdni), see smut warnings under the cut! taglist has been moved to reblogs join my taglists! kinktober taglist is CLOSED! Strikethrough means I cannot tag you.  MINORS WILL BE BLACKLISTED & BLOCKED. AGELESS BLOGS WILL ALSO BE BLOCKED.

a/n: so this one is a follow up to last years (which I just posted and I’m sorry about that lol) but werebear!Changbin lives rent free in my head. I love the concept but tbh any werecreature concept for Changbin is so good and I will die on this hill. Thank you for reading! The next one is a Seventeen one with a certain maknae. So please look forward to that! Thank you for reading and as always, this is a work of fiction and all characters are not reflective of their respective irl counterparts. for entertainment purposes only.

smut warnings: teratophilia (aka monsterfucking), outdoor sex (it's fucking in tents lol i'll see myself out), strength kink, oral (m receiving, f receiving), deepthroating, fingering (f receiving), protected sex (do this. Use protection like them), use of pet names (hers: baby, babe, etc.; his: babe, Binnie, bear, etc.), soft dom!Changbin, switch!Reader, that should be all but let me know if I missed something! kinks: Outdoor sex + strength kink dialogue prompt: ❛❛ I cannot possibly focus with your damn hand in my- ❜❜

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This wasn’t exactly how he envisioned his camping trip with his girlfriend going but Changbin wasn’t complaining, not when you looked so pretty on top of him, taking his cock like it was made for you and you alone.

The trip had started out innocent enough, driving to the national park where Changbin often went camping on his own. This was the first time he was taking you with him and he had been beyond ecstatic to show you around his stomping ground.

Your initial worry of running into something dangerous dissipated quickly when Changbin reminded you that it wasn’t the wolves, or the bears, or the big cats that were the scariest thing in the forest. It was him.

Not long after the fateful night you gave yourselves to each other, Changbin told you the truth. He was plagued with a curse that often left him irritable, standoffish, and withdrawn once a month: he was a werebear. It came as a shock and at first, you tried to play it off but the more he explained, the more everything started to make sense.

His terrible mood swings that always seemed to happen once a month, and always around the full moon. His unexplainable illness that also accompanied his irritability. The inexplicable display of strength he showed that night and ever since. It wasn’t until your first full moon with him that you truly understood.

He’d taken you with him, ensuring you would be safe as he locked himself in a shed, hidden deep within the woods, deeper than you thought anyone would normally venture and well off the beaten path. He’d shown you the truth and while the thought of it terrified you, there was an undeniable attraction to the raw show of strength he exhibited when he nearly tore the bars from the windows of his makeshift cell.

Since then, you’d been by his side, thankful he chose to share that side of him with you so that you would not only know what you were getting yourself into but also because it meant he trusted you with his secret. Your relationship with Changbin blossomed naturally, albeit not in the order most relationships did but you wouldn’t change anything about it.

After being together for nearly two years, he finally decided he was sick of having his own space and wanted to find a place you could share together. You offered to let him move into your apartment and as much as he liked your place and the memories it held, he wanted to find a new place for you to make yours, together.

It had taken nearly 6 months to find a place that met your criteria but once you were both on the same page, you found a cute two bedroom top floor apartment not far from your current building. It was another historic building in the quiet part of town, away from the hustle and bustle of downtown. The move was easy when you had a boyfriend who despite his smaller stature could very easily lift boxes that would make any ordinary man buckle under the weight.

The furniture was easy as well. Your couch was moved in the middle of the night so no one would see Changbin singlehandedly carrying it up the stairs of the new building. Your bed, being bigger than Changbin’s and much more comfortable, was carried in the same way: under the cover of night.

Whatever didn’t fit in the new apartment was put in a storage unit until you could sell it, which Changbin graciously offered to pay for. The new apartment was bigger than both of your old ones but still cozy and comfortable.

The dark hardwood floors contrasted well with the lighter tone walls. The kitchen faced the small balcony with floor to ceiling windows that separated the two. Vaulted ceilings made the space feel much bigger and Changbin enjoyed living on the top floor with no one above him.

The other nice thing about this building was the walls were thick which meant you didn’t have to be quiet during your more vigorous activities, a quirk Changbin took full advantage of as he made sure to break in every new surface of the kitchen by either bending you over it or laying you back on top of it.

Only after being settled into the new apartment, did Changbin ask you to go camping with him. Fall was settling in, a distinct chill in the air as the leaves of the few trees in the city started to turn. Browns, oranges, yellows, and even reds decorated the branches before the leaves inevitably fell to the ground to be swept away by some street cleaner if the wind didn’t get to them first.

You were beyond excited to go camping with Changbin. You hadn’t been since you were quite young and the prospect of being alone in the woods with your boyfriend posed many new experiences for the both of you. The thought of sharing a tent in the middle of the forest with a campfire, so far from anyone, sounded equal parts spooky and romantic.

Changbin had most of the essential camping gear packed away in the storage unit and once retrieved and all things accounted for, there were only a few items you still needed to get. A trip to the closest outdoor good store fulfilled the rest of the items needed and after requesting time off from work, you were on your way out of the city to spend a week in the woods with your werebear boyfriend.

What could possibly go wrong?

Despite how smooth things went from leaving to arriving at the forest, your trip seemed to be plagued by some dark cloud as not even ten minutes into your hike, you tripped over a downed log and fell, scraping your hands and knees. Changbin was ready with the first aid kit, cleaning and disinfecting the wounds before patching you up.

He kept a much more watchful eye on you from then on, making sure to help you over anything he deemed remotely dangerous. He jokingly offered to carry you, pack and all, if you kept tripping over things. You briefly thought about taking him up on his offer when you slipped over a moss covered rock but ultimately decided to just be more careful and cautious.

The first stop of your trip ended with you camping several yards from a river that wound through the entire forest. Changbin initially was going to set up right beside it but after noticing the sky, he decided higher ground was a smarter move. When you asked him about it, he said it was his intuition.

That night, you were eternally grateful for the extra blankets and even portable heater he brought, not that his body wasn’t a portable heater in of itself. The temperatures plummeted down near freezing as a massive thunderstorm blew in. Changbin’s intuition was right on the money. The torrential downpour made the river swell to twice the size it had been the day before and due to his smart decision making, you were safe from the roaring river that raged just a few yards from your tent.

Changbin made sure you were kept snug and warm, using the portable heater while he was awake before using his body warmth to keep you from freezing. It did the trick and once you got warm initially, you never got cold again throughout the night.

The next morning looked like the scene out of a disaster movie. Branches littered the shore of the river which had reduced in size almost back down to what it had been before. There were even some litter like old tires and even a torn up tent that had washed downriver. The last one had Changbin concerned and after leaving for a brief hike, he discovered an old abandoned camping site which he surmised the tent had come from.

Though you were ready to pack up and move on, Changbin assured you that the second night wouldn’t be as rough. You instead kept camp by the river, going for a hike with Changbin, following the river as it got faster and faster until the forest opened up and the river gave way to a fantastic cascade that plummeted down the side of a massive cliff at least thirty feet.

At the bottom was a deep pool where the water collected before continuing on into the river and snaking through the trees before disappearing out of sight. You wanted to climb down and check it out but Changbin promised next time, he would plan a course that included this spot.

After your hike, you returned to camp and Changbin surprised you by pulling out a couple of fishing rods. You’d never been fishing as you always thought it was kind of boring and the idea of skewering a worm on the end of a hook had your skin crawling.

Thankfully your boyfriend took over, hooking the bait before showing you how to cast. It wasn’t exciting by any means, waiting for the fish to bite but once you did hook a fish, you were so ecstatic, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. Changbin had to take over, reeling it in for you until the fish finally flopped out of the water and danced for a moment on the end of your line.

It was a trout, he told you. The first one of the day and you caught it. After the initial shock and excitement wore off, you were ready to go again but you still refused to bait your own hook, something Changbin didn’t mind doing at all.

After several hours, you managed to catch quite a few fish. Changbin showed you how to gut and clean the fish, tossing the insides back into the water where he told you it’s actually beneficial to the ecosystem. Other creatures feed on the entrails like crawdads and other fish. It’s better to toss them in the water than leave them on the banks.

Dinner that night was the fish Changbin cleaned and fileted with some veggies and a few mushrooms he found on your hike. After dinner, you relaxed by the fire, enjoying the warmth it provided while drinking a beer from the pack brought on the trip. 

The next morning, you helped pack up and continued on past the river and further into the forest. The next stop was right at the edge of a clearing down the mountain from where you had stayed. Changbin was certain this was a good place to camp, taking note of the tall grass that looked wholly untouched by the rains from the other night. 

He found a nice flat spot in the shade of the trees to set up the tent as well as an old fire pit ringed in rocks. While he tried to set up the tent, you kept distracting him. You weren’t sure what it was about how he looked that morning when you woke up but you couldn’t seem to keep your hands to yourself. The extra attention you gave him made him blush but he couldn’t complain with all the additional kisses and lingering touches. He liked it.

After he finally got the tent set up, he entered to unfurl the mats to place under the sleeping bags. You followed him, helping him with the pillows until you couldn’t take it anymore and needed to have your hands on him. Changbin couldn’t help but chuckle as your hands wandered, feeling up his bicep as he flexed, pulling the sleeping bags from their stuff sacks one by one.

“I’m trying to set up our tent,” he said softly, grabbing one of your hands and kissing the back of it. “You’re distracting me,” he added, chuckling as your hands moved, sliding over his chest as you moved behind him, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling into his neck. “What's gotten into you?” he asked as he laid out the sleeping bags over the mats. 

Instead of answering him, you placed light kisses along his neck, enjoying the way he paused, tilting his head to give you more access. “Seriously,” he sighed as one of your hands slid down his stomach to palm over his semi-hard cock. “What's going on?” he asked.

You nipped at the skin below the shell of his ear, hand massaging against him harder and making him groan as he paused, eyes fluttering shut. “Can’t even wait for me to finish?” he murmured, moving his hand over yours as he lightly bucked into your touch.

“Let me finish this and then I’m all yours,” he murmured, pulling your hand back as much as he didn’t want to. He wanted nothing more than for you to have your hands all over him but he also wanted to make sure the tent was set up fully.

You whined, pouting at him as you moved your hand back, making him chuckle. His breath caught as your hand slipped into his pants, darting under the waistband of his underwear to firmly grasp his hot cock in your warm hand. “Fuck,” he groaned as you started to stroke him. “Baby, what has gotten into you?” he asked again as you started to stroke him faster.

“Am I distracting you?” you whispered in his ear as his hips chased your movements, bucking against your hand. “Why don’t you keep going?” you added, nipping at his earlobe. “I cannot possibly focus with your damn hand in my – hng!” he groaned as your hand squeezed him a little harder.

He grabbed your wrist, holding it steady as he rutted into your touch. “F-fuck, baby. Gonna cum if you keep doing that.” At his words, you pulled your hand from his pants, ignoring the glare he gave you until you pushed him back against the sleeping bags and grabbed the waistband of his sweats, pulling them down past his hips and quickly taking hold of his cock again.

Changbin let out a gasp, head falling back as your hand moved up and down his shaft before taking the tip into your mouth, your tongue warm and went against his skin. He let out a guttural moan as your head sank down, taking as much of his thick cock onto your mouth as you could, teeth lightly scraping against the skin.

His hands moved to the back of your head, pushing you down more. “Holy shit, babe,” he gasped as you took more and more of him in, relaxing your jaw and pushing until his cockhead was nestled against the back of your throat.

Letting out a shaky breath, Changbin raised his head slightly, taking in the sight of his cock disappearing into your mouth. He groaned as he felt your swallow against the tip of his cock, aching for it to be buried in your throat. As if you read his mind, you forced your head down, the head of his cock pushing into your throat and he choked out a moan, hips bucking slightly as he held your head down.

Your lungs begged for air but you waited, saliva starting to spill from your mouth and drip down the small part of his cock that didn’t fit into your mouth. “Oh fuck, baby,” he moaned as you swallowed around him, feeling his cock throb and twitch against your tongue. “M’gonna cum,” he breathed out, fingers tightening their grip on your hair as he thrusted once more, thick ropes of cum shooting out of him and painting your throat.

You wait until the last of it finished spurting from him before you pulled back, his cock slipping from your throat and mouth and air finally invading your lungs as you inhaled deeply. You look at your boyfriend, watching as his chest rose and fell, head lying back against the sleeping bag. His eyes fluttered open taking in your triumphant expression. “Fuck that was so hot,” he groaned as you pulled his pants up over his now flaccid cock.

“I don’t know what’s going on with you right now,” he said as he pushed himself up onto his elbows. “But I like it,” he said with a crooked grin. You wiped your lips on your sleeve, giving him another smile. You started to pull away but he grabbed your wrist. “Let me return the favor,” he croaked. You shook your head. “It’s okay,” you replied, voice slightly hoarse. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” he replied, gently pulling you to take his place, lying down where he’d just been laying moments before. He quickly peered outside the tent, grabbing your packs and bringing them inside to set against the side of the wall. He zipped up the tent entrance and turned to you, moving to grab your leggings and pull them down, slipping your boots off at the same time.

He made quick work of your panties, pulling them off before settling down on his stomach, face level with your pussy. He licked his lips, spreading your folds before giving you a slow lick from your entrance to your clit, his tongue flat against you. He let out a groan as his tongue swirled around your clit, the vibrations making you gasp as your back lightly arched off the ground.

“Binnie,” you breathed out, fingers combing through his curls as he lapped greedily at your cunt, savoring the taste as he moved his hands, holding your hips in place. He groaned against your skin as he teased your clit with the tip of his tongue. Your thighs squeezed his head slightly as he suckled on the sensitive nub. “B-Binnie,” you moaned, your free hand moving over his on your hip.

You pulled his hand up, guiding it under your sweatshirt to your chest. Taking the silent plea, Changbin pushed your sweatshirt up, groping your breast as he continued to suck and tease your clit with his tongue. His hand slipped under your bra, palm hot against your skin as he kneaded.

Without breaking contact with your pussy, he moved his hand, squeezing under your back to undo your bra clasp with expert precision before pushing the cups up to expose your tits. Both of his hands cupped your chest as he kept his mouth trained on your pussy. You placed a hand over his as he kneaded your tits, lightly raking your nails against his scalp with your other hand.

You felt his teeth graze your clit and your hips rolled up into his face, grinding against him. He let you, holding his tongue flat against your clit as you continued to buck your hips, riding his face as your orgasm drew closer and closer. Changbin moved his hands down, sliding them under your ass as he focused all his attention on your clit, letting you grind against his tongue.

You moaned loudly, a firm grip on his hair while your other hand fondled your chest, pinching one of your nipples as you came, moaning a chant of your boyfriend’s name and a slew of curses as he helped you ride out your high. Changbin lapped up every drop of your release, his cock painfully hard against the sleeping bag. 

You gasped as you came down from your climax, Changbin wiping his mouth with his shirt as he crawled over you, kissing up your stomach and chest, stopping to run his tongue over your nipple before he enveloped it with his mouth, suckling softly. He pulled back, letting it fall from his mouth before he took you in a sear kiss, tongue invading your mouth quickly.

You felt his cloth covered cock, hard again, against your crotch. “Binnie, baby,” you whined, rolling your hips up to meet his. “I need you.” He chuckled against your skin, littering kisses along your neck. “Is my baby impatient?” he asked softly, his hands pulling your sweatshirt up over your head and pulling your loose bra off, leaving you completely nude under him.

“Yes,” you breathed as his hands cupped your chest, squeezing the supple flesh and moving to roll your nipples between his fingers. “Needs me to fuck her immediately?” he whispered, kissing along your collarbone to your shoulder. You clawed at his shirt, pulling it up his back as you begged him with soft pleas. Changbin obliged, sitting up to pull his shirt off.

“Binnie,” you whined, hands moving to his waistband and tugging to pull him closer. “Please, bear,” you moaned as he grinded his hard cock against your soaking cunt, wetting his sweats. “Please baby, please.” His cock twitched in his pants and he moved to grab his pack, unzipping one of the inner pockets where he kept the condoms.

He pulled one out, setting the bag back against the wall of the tent. You watched him with wide eyes as he pushed his pants and underwear down in one go, shimmying out of them with the tip of the condom wrapper in his teeth. You licked your lips, eyes drinking in his naked body hungrily as he tore open the packet and carefully rolled the latex down his length.

He didn’t need to ask if you were ready, his fingers moving to your entrance and pushing two into you with ease. He still wanted to make sure you were properly stretched before he even attempted to fill you with his thick cock. Your hips moved against his hand as he fit a third into you, pumping steadily in and out of your walls. Your back arched, moaning wantonly as he curled his fingers against your inner walls. “Binnie,” you whimpered, grabbing at his arms and tugging him.

“Please fuck me,” you breathed. “I need you, baby.”

Changbin withdrew his fingers, replacing them with the tip of his cock and pushing the head into you with a sigh. You let out a content moan as he slowly slid into you, stretching your cunt as you accommodated his girth. Once he was full inside you, he started a slow, steady pace, holding your hips in place as he rutted into you.

“Feels so good,” you gasped. “Feels so f-full.”

A groan escaped Changbin as he fucked into you more roughly, hands spreading your thighs as he held you down. Your hands grabbed at him, pulling him closer as your walls sucked him in over and over. Taking the silent plea, he repositioned, putting your legs over his shoulders as he leaned over, folding your body in half as he thrust down into you roughly.

He learned quickly that this was your favorite position. You had called it the mating press and told him you loved how it made you feel like you were at his mercy. You always complimented his strength in and out of the bedroom and it always made him feel a surge of pride.

“How’s that?” he grunted, pinning you down as he rocked into you, cock filling your cunt with each harsh thrust. “S’good. Fuck, baby!” you cursed, brows knitted together in pleasure. “So strong, Binnie. Love it when you pin me down.” A deep growl emanated from Changbin’s chest as his pace increased, slamming into you roughly, the sound of skin against skin filling the tent.

You cried out as his cock hit the spot deep in you that had your toes curling. “Fuck, right there, baby,” you gasped as Changbin continued to hit the same spot. “Right there?” he asked in a low tone, holding back a moan as you clenched around him. “Right there!” you moaned. “Fuck, yes, keep doing that!”

Changbin slammed into you harsher as your walls clamped down on his cock, an orgasm ripping through you unexpectedly as you came, coating his cock in your release as you writhed in pleasure, screaming his name repeatedly.

Changbin fucked you through your orgasm before he carefully let your legs fall back down. He stilled, kissing your face as you came down slowly. “Think you can ride me for a bit, baby?” he whispered in between kisses. You nodded eagerly, sitting up as he slipped out of you, taking your spot on his back as you hurriedly climbed over him.

He let out a chuckle at your eagerness, groaning as you lined the tip of his cock with your pussy and sank down on him, a moan escaping both of you as your walls welcomed him back in. You gave him only a second to adjust before you started moving, bouncing on his cock and making him groan, hands grabbing your hips as he helped you move.

“Fuck baby,” he groaned. “Slow down or I’m gonna cum.” You placed your hands on his chest as you rode him harder, faster with a smirk on your lips.

“That’s the idea.”

©️ kwanisms 2024 | all works on this blog are protected under copyright. Do not repost, continue, or translate my works. All graphics made by me.

[mouthpoisons]

the thing that messes me up the most about john silvers “my backstory isn’t relevant” moment is the way it turns character analysis of him into this horrible meta-violation. He didn’t know he was a fictional character being listened in on by thousands of curious voyeurs behind the 4th wall when he was talking about giving up on trying to make any sense of his past and how much he also doesn’t want hypothetical storytellers attributing meaning to the unknowable terrible thing that happened to him and being able to say “ohhh that’s why he’s like that”. we were just made even more curious by his admittance that there’s things he can never ever tell, and by engaging with the story and loving him as a character and headcanoning and theorising and psychoanalysing him we’re doing the thing he Didn’t Want People To Be Able To Do to the point where he felt like he had to become mr nobody from nowhere to protect his peace

Absolutely diabolical writing to make the natural response of engaging with the text via character analysis feel wrong. I wish more stuff alienated the audience like that

[joejhang]

my aftg hot takes

most of these are pretty lukewarm but i'm gonna get flamed for them anyway but whatever. spoilers ??? ahead ??? idk read at ur own risk

i don't think andreil ever say i love you to each other; i feel like the discourse about this is virtually endless ever since nora said it but honestly her explanation was so valid??? they're such a show not tell couple it just makes so much sense for them to show the "i love you" in their actions than ever saying the words out loud. esp bc neither of them have ever really heard those words and have them mean anything real or true or actually loving. personally i think their little percentages and the "i hate you"'s and kisses and keys mean more to them than an "i love you" ever could. i'm not a purist on this tho i do think i could visualise it happening maybe somewhere along the road i just think nora's explanation for this is very very in line with canon andreil.

i don't hate thea muldani; i've made a post abt this but basically my thoughts around her are literally just: she's a human being, and she's never gonna be perfect. i also find it very...interesting how the fandom likes to flame thea (an explicitly stated woman of colour) for being "problematic" and a "terrible person/character" when she doesn't act all that different from andrew, neil and kevin (white men) ??? idk it seems a little strange to me bc she seems pretty on par with them on whatever moral compass this batshit crazy fandom has decided to impose on these fictional and very much morally ambiguous characters. anyway go check out my post i go a lot deeper into thea's character and why she does a lot of things wrong but i don't rlly think she's deserving of the insane amounts of hate she gets in the fandom.

i don't think andreil ever get married; this MIGHT be me projecting bc the idea of marriage is just a very complicated and rough concept in my mind but also just i feel like there's something so beautiful about andreil never really putting a label on their relationship??? like they never define it by calling the other their "boyfriend" or "husband" they just are. they have nothing "concrete" binding them like a marriage certificate but they choose to stay with each other through everything. idk it's real to me but again i'm not a purist people can do whatever they want.

i've said it before but i'll keep saying it till enough people hear me: the aftg fandom mischaracterises literally the main fucking characters; i'm mostly talking about andrew and ESPECIALLY neil here bc neil is not a sweet, sunshiney, oblivious, blushy softboy and andrew is not a cold, unemotional, stoic, "conceal don't feel" stone. since i've already bitched on and on about neil's mischaracterisation let's just talk about andrew for a sec. i think andrew is actually a deeply emotional person and is fully aware of the feelings he experiences. does he vocalise or express them often? no but more often than not they show themselves anyway. him crashing out after neil was kidnapped, letting himself get walked like a dog by neil for three books straight, choking allison for slapping aaron, idk i could go on. but yeah you get it.

i don't actually think neil is that oblivious; before people come at me like "but nora said!" or whatever yeah, i know she said he's as dense as a brick when it comes to people flirting with him. considering how much of the ec the aftg fandom likes to disregard allow me to disregard this little bit of it, yeah? this isn't me tryna impose my own projections onto nora's characters, this is lit just me tryna explain how i understand neil josten (he's my bsf btw). he literally clocks his feelings for andrew in trk (after his deep convo™ with nicky) but he just files it away for later bc he doesn't consider attraction or romantic interest anything to be thinking about considering he's got the mafia and his serial killer dad on his tail. i also don't really blame him for not catching onto andrew's feelings earlier (tho doesn't he get pretty fucking close during that one convo they have in exites in trk???? someone correct me if i'm wrong but) bc dude andrew was out here sending fucking mixed ass signals like bro was saying "you are a pipe dream" and "i hate you" in the same fucking conversations like??? neil has always taken andrew at face value and he's not about to question him now. he's also never confused or uncertain about nicky or marissa and what their comments about him meant, he just genuinely does not gaf about them so he doesn't acknowledge them or pay them any attention in his narration. i truly truly think his dismissal of all the advances made upon him in aftg were borne out of indifference, not obliviousness.

have already said this in detail but i don't think andrew's actually a misogynist; the wording doesn't feel right. i'd probably describe andrew's distrust of women (esp. those in motherly/mother roles) as a similar ingrained wariness that neil has for older men. this is something borne out of trauma and shitty experiences that takes time and trust to unlearn. nora says a lot of things the fandom disregards and for me, this is one of those things i'm a little iffy about. misogyny actually isn't reflected in andrew's actions at all, i'd say. does he respect women? no. but he doesn't respect anyone unless they've actually earned it. and among the people he does respect and care for there are women (renee, bee). he doesn't treat women any differently and obv doesn't think they're any weaker than men are (considering renee wipes the floor w him their first sparring sesh). andrew's an equal opportunity hater and i don't think he actually has any sexist or even misogynistic tendencies. i think what is there is just a slightly biased worldview of disliking/mistrusting mother figures, given his bad experiences w tilda and cass (they've left him w more long-term emotional damage that's probably rlly difficult and complicated for him to work through esp considering cass did love??? him and he did want her enough to be willing to suffer dr*ke to be close to her; there's more to it but for the sake of word count i won't go into it) but honestly it doesn't actually show that much??? if people wanna say he hates women, sure, but for one, he doesn't hate a lot of things he's just very indifferent to them and two, he holds a pretty similar apathetic distaste for most people and things, so it's not like a very big distinction. i also think the whole "no girls" thing w aaron was very much a personal thing, and his mistrust of katelyn probably came from aaron's past (apparently negative) experiences w other girlfriends and friendships in general. and if i remember correctly the deal wasn't even "no girls" it was just "family only" which is why aaron didn't make friends w the rest of the foxes either. i digress but i don't think saying "andrew isn't a misogynist" is robbing him of any nuance as a character.

i like nicky and honestly feel similarly towards him as i do about thea; he isn't perfect and never will be and i think while the way he acts towards neil and others (see: matt, kevin) is pretty untoward and inappropriate, i also do see where he's coming from, esp after aaron's explanation of it. that it's a defence mechanism coming from someone who's experienced a lot of prejudice and harm because of his sexuality. obv i think everyone can agree his assault on neil was fucked up but i think nora was right in saying that nicky was high and drunk and not rlly in his right mind at the time, and he does apologise and i'm pretty sure she also said he and neil work it out privately anyway. he's a messy character and definitely not perfect queer rep but again, he's pretty realistic, and i think he's honestly a rlly well-written and complex character.

[inbabylontheywept]

Hi there! I just read through a few of your long form posts -- the one about the boss and the glue traps and the lizards, the one about the friend and the radishes and the cop, and the one about the breakup and the car and the neighbor's car and your dad -- and I'm just really blown away by your writing. And I'm just curious, are they actual experiences or are they fiction? They read like actual experiences, and the writing is so naturalistic and...idk, low key sweet, stream of consciousness without the major sidetracking that often happens in stream of consciousness writing and also more...more poetical in a way, I guess. I don't know. Are you published or wanting to? I mean I couldn't help with that or anything but if you've got a book out I'd love to read it.

Patrick McManus was kind of THE legendary writer to my family. When my dad was a kid, he'd sit on the porch the door that the monthly copy of Outdoor Life was going to arrive, and as soon as he got it, he'd run in with it and take it to his dad, who would gather all his kids around and read the stories out loud.

My dad loved it because his dad would make a whole performance out of the readings: He'd do voices, pantomimes, dramatic sound effects, the works. The stories are amazing, but the out-of-character behavior from his dad was half the selling point. Grandpa Hank was, to his core, a good man. But he was gruff, and socially, pretty stiff, and he didn't often show emotion. I think my dad said he saw him tear up one time growing up, and it was when he got dropped off at the MTC. My mom was married to my dad for three years before Grandpa Hank was comfortable enough to sit down in their house, and he liked her. That's just how he was.

(You just praised me for not getting sidetracked, but I'm letting myself wander down those memories a bit. He died last year. I miss him terribly.)

Anyway: Those stories were how I first started learning how to spin a yarn. I got older and I got more influence than just cowboys and Westerns, but the soul of my style is still just The American Tall Tale.

Which is to say that they're not outright fabrications. When I say that I cut all the worms up in my backyard and had a panic attack and hid in a tree until my mom got me, that happened. But I only remember the vaguest outlines of the words that were said. When there's a line in that story about my mom telling me that she's sure the worms will forgive me because they got six hearts to love and no bones to pick, that's not how she talks. That's how I talk.

Other stories, they're far less fuzzy than that, but I can still point out things I don't know. Wrestling story was from middle school, and a lot of those "crisp details" are just me painting by vibe. I've had some people that did wrestling through highschool point out things like refs not actually counting to three, or how double-legs are not actually super effective for tall wrestlers. I don't actually know how much the woman I wrestled weighed, nor do I remember how much I weighed, except that I was more than two weight classes smaller than her. Car incident, I got broke up with, went to her parents door, waited on the lawn, and was given some olives to go with a wireless phone. But exact wording of a lot of the people involved fails me. As a rule, the weirder an event is, the more likely I am to be distinctly remembering it and not just filling in the background. Except for dialogue, which often turns out weird because when I have to make up things for other characters to say, it carries too much of my own speaking style in it, and that's always been weird.

There are even points where things do come right off the rails. In the stories about J post, J himself became a sort of mythic figure after he moved, and lot of the stories about him, I don't even know I'm remembering them first hand or second hand from a story someone else shared with me.

I know it would be easier to just go, yeah, they're true, or no, they're not, but I did a weird thing and mixed them up and now even I'm a little confused.

Regarding publishing: I'm not published, and the thought of trying to get published scares the shit out of me. I

I don't know. If anyone has advice, I'd be interested.

[zettaireido-emotion]

Camus character analysis: games VS anime

If you finished the Uta no Prince-sama anime and your opinion of this man is "wow, he's kinda terrible," I don't blame you. in fact I've seen a lot of people say this

In this post, I want to talk about his characterization in the games and give my two cents on what the anime was trying to do with him, especially in his single focus episode Saintly Territory (S3E6).

Disclaimer: I wrote this on a whim because I'm sick and stuck at home so if anyone reads this, sorry I might go all over the place

Spoilers for all of the games!

The "be my slave" thing

Starting with Anime Camus's most egregious crime: treating Haruka like a servant/slave (however you want to translate it)

Basically in his focus episode, Haruka is tasked with writing a song for Camus. She wants to learn more about him in order to write it, but Camus will only let her follow him if she acts as his servant. She accepts without complaining, Cecil is rightfully angry, Haruka continues anyway and the song gets completed.

Now, am I about to say that Game Camus would never do this? No because he literally does lmao.

The anime doesn't pull this "servant" plotline out of nowhere, here's the context in his route:

Haruka accidentally overhears Camus talking about a plot to assassinate Saotome on the phone. When he notices that she heard everything, he basically tells her that he has to kill her now. But if she served him, he'd be able to keep an eye on her, make sure she doesn't leak anything, so she could escape death.

Okay uh "work under me or DIE" isn't exactly better, nor is it a good start to a love story, but I'm not finished!!

(A side note: I have to add that the anime made him look like an even bigger asshole and borderline dumb when it came to the things he made her do. Like he expected her to know that snapping your fingers means you want coffee without prior explanation. bro

^This might have been for comedic effect but I promise he can be actually funny and endearing.)

What the anime couldn't cover

The Camus episode wraps up with Haruka pulling through and writing a song that makes Camus "sincere," he says it's cool at the very end and that's the episode. I think the problem is that we technically didn't see him being sincere or what that even means to him, besides when he was singing (banger song btw)

It's a shame because in a 20-minute episode you really can't show the game experience of slowly piecing together what this man's problem is.

First of all, in Debut and AS you'll be quick to notice that he always has homeland and duty on the mind, constantly reminding himself that he's in Shining Agency/Japan for a reason, and it's NOT to have fun or make friends

The truth is, he slowly starts to appreciate the banter with his colleagues, music, and working there in general.

But because of his initial mindset, he has to rationalize & justify every connection he forms, like "it's just for work" or worse: "actually it was ALL A LIE and I NEVER ENJOYED A SECOND OF THE TIME WE SPENT TOGETHER, I'm such a great actor haha"

He uses that to fool himself and to push the other person away so it doesn't happen again. This scene is probably the best example:

(I'll be using google lens because it's faster but I checked that the tls were okay)

He also does this in the Non-Fiction drama, which may or may not have actually happened, but I think it's still a pretty good reflection of what could happen in reality because he tells Ranmaru their bond was a lie, then mopes around in his guilt thinking about the good times and wondering why he's sad, and THEN later doubles down on the "it was a lie, I don't care about you" because he just can't let himself get attached to anything.

Basically, he's terrified at the thought of forming actual bonds because he genuinely thinks he's nothing if he stops being a cold weapon:

At one point he does admit he sucks (as a love interest)-

-which is pretty huge by utapri standards. I love these games, but the amount of times where a male lead does something icky, and everyone, including Haruka, acts like it's normal or like it's Haruka's fault is ehhh but I digress

Upbringing

Of course he's very proud of his homeland and status, but sometimes it's to the point of thinking he can't be anything other than his title. So why is he like this?

We got to hear about his childhood from Camus himself a few times, and it often ended with Haruka thinking "wait? that's kinda messed up?" and Camus insisting it's nothing/it's normal so yeah that's something...

His parents were in an unhappy arranged marriage, and his mother was forced to birth an heir which traumatized her so much that she can't see Camus without falling ill. Overall it's a pretty tragic situation since what happened to her was horrible, though not Camus's fault either. Even now she refuses to see him, and I wouldn't say that makes him sad because he never really met her, but simply knowing of her sacrifice probably adds a lot of pressure. As in, he only exists for this one purpose (inheriting his father's title and serving the country), so if he doesn't play his part correctly, it would have all been for nothing.

He was raised by his father not as a child or son but as the heir, always treated and judged as an adult (even during physical training apparently, make of that what you will)

When Haruka asks about childhood memories he has a very hard time finding something that doesn't have to do with his duties or the nation. And then admits he didn't truly have a "childhood" since he was never treated like a child

As for the queen, I think his love for her is sincere: she taught him a lot of things growing up, and according to him, she's also a victim trapped by her duties so he wants to ease the burden.

So hypothetically, if he found things or people that made him happy in Japan, he would feel obligated to lock them away because that happiness is incompatible with his life: he'll have to leave when his mission ends, he shouldn't be spending time on things that aren't "useful" as he doesn't have the free will to pursue them

In his mind he's completely tied down by the fact that he was born and raised for a single reason, and the fact that he does want to serve the queen.

(This is Saotome describing him btw)

Also it might sound ridiculous to bring his self-worth into question because of how pretentious he is, but I've counted a few situations where he seemed to have complete disregard for his own life, only worrying about Haruka and Cecil's safety in scenes when they were present. And he thinks wanting to be loved unconditionally is a childish thought he shouldn't have.

"Double Face" was a lie. There's like at least 10 layers

On the surface he does have two personas, his perfect polite butler act for the media, and his cold bitchy attitude off camera. But honestly, even when he's not acting as a butler, he's often putting up a front to hide any form of vulnerability (from himself as well)

His main struggle is finding who he is outside of what he's being told to do. Before, he never actually stopped to think about what he WANTS because it just never occurs to him, or if it does he ignores it.

That's why realizing that he has his own desires is essential to his character development, and him staying with Quartet Night (and Haruka in his routes) is so important. It's why Reiji feels the need to reach out and when he does, Camus either freezes up or tears up;

This all makes him the opposite of Ranmaru (being true to yourself and sincere), and similar to Ai (gradually learning to view the world in a less cold and logical way), but I kind of want to save that for another post lmao

He is especially hard on Cecil because Cecil says & does whatever he wants, and everything still works out for him, which is a way of life that Camus can't imagine for himself at all (despite maybe wanting it?)

That he can realize this and eventually admit out loud, despite all his pride, is also one of my favorite things about him

Season 2 does hint at something, so that's pretty cool!

Side note, I really love that his theme in the new Oracle series is "Change," the melting of ice.

So what was the anime supposed to do??

Of course there's no way to show all this in a single episode or even during the runtime of the anime, and I never expected them to because the story is very surface-level (that goes for all characters).

It's just unfortunate since the anime is the most accessible and well-known utapri media in the western fandom, and the character's main episode is bound to leave the biggest impression.

I understand the choice of being laser-focused on the servant plotline, it's supposed to be funny (?) and waters him down to a trope that's easy to understand at first glance (the step-on-me guy I guess)

Still, I can't help but compare it to Ranmaru's episode, who was also hard to work with in the games but was chill in S3E7 and got to pet cats. Anime onlys will never know how much Camus loves to dote on his dog smh.....

[allthingswhumpyandangsty]

why does it comfort some people or bring them joy/excitement to imagine their favorite characters in terrible situations and being hurt physically or mentally? wouldn’t you want your favorite characters to be happy and safe?

I’m sure I’ve seen this exact ask being sent to another writing blog before, so seeing one in my own inbox was a little surprising. but anyway, I’ve said this before, but I don’t mind saying it again because lots of people seem to still be confused about this; the enjoyment of imagining or seeing fictional characters in terrible situations in which they are hurt and/or scared is called whump. people who enjoy whump tend to express their interest through art, such as drawings, writings, etc. whump has a community on several online platforms, as well as here on Tumblr. we are simply known as “whump community”.

moving on to your question, “why does it comfort us to imagine our favorite characters in agony?” — there is no definitive answer to the question, because different people enjoy whump for various, different reasons, and all of these reasons are valid. however, what I can give you is some examples of the reasons why people enjoy whump

reasons why people like whump:

some people use whump as a reflection of what they’ve been through, and they let their trauma out by channeling the trauma through fictional characters. to make it as simple as I can, some people use whump as a coping mechanism to help them heal from any traumatic events in their lives.

while whump is indeed about pain, it can also be about the comfort (the healing process) that comes after the pain. I personally known several people who heal by writing whump stories in which their favorite characters went through and survived terrible things that happened to them. the comfort part of the whump was used as a symbol of hope for these people, in the sense that they hold on to the idea that if these fictional characters can survive horrible things that happened to them, they (the writers) can survive and heal too.

some people use whump as a way to let out their frustration, trauma or pain. an abuse victim may fantasize about hurting their abuser back by creating a fantasy world in which their favorite character was hurt, but later healed and/or get their revenge.

it’s also worth mentioning that one doesn’t have go through their own trauma in order to be able to enjoy whump. 

some people like whump where their favorite character is hurt because they just Want to Hurt These Little Guys. 

some people like whump where their favorite character is hurt because they like the part where their favorite character gets comforted and is nursed back to health after they are rescued.

whump that’s followed by comfort (whump with a happy ending) is valid.

whump that has no comfort (whump without a happy ending) is also valid.

because whump is a genre, just like how lots of people like horror movies just for the sake of liking them. 

the term whumperflies is used to describe the euphoric feeling a person experiences while watching, drawing, writing or reading a whump scenario that hits right in the feels. for lack of better comparison, some people experience whumperflies that come close to an orgasm, whether or not whump is a sexual thing to them (some may enjoy whump as a form of kink, while some may enjoy whump for reasons that aren’t sexual at all). for some, whumperflies are these tingling sensation in the chest and/or the stomach, for someone else, whumperflies is like when you ride a rollercoaster and the ride is going down from its highest stop. there's no wrong way to experience whumperflies, as different people describe and experience them differently.

so, yes, some people may enjoy whump just for the euphoria whumperflies bring. and some people — myself included — can’t get whumperflies unless the character that’s going through pain is their most favorite character; it’s like… because you love this character so much, you’re so connected to them, you're so emotionally invested in them that you can only get whumperflies if it’s them going through the torture, meanwhile other characters just don’t make you feel half as strongly.

and that’s explain why people in the whump community prefer their favorite characters to be the ones going through hell.

and again, just like how movies have different genres, whump is a genre — people who like whump aren’t “freaks” or “red flags” in real life, even if they like whump for reasons that aren’t about coping mechanism. whump is a genre and a form of art, and most importantly, whump is fiction. it’s not real.

I do understand why people who aren’t into whump tend to be confused by the concept of whump, and I do understand why these people think being a fan of a fictional character only means wanting said fictional character to be safe and happy, which is why whump is not for everybody, and that’s okay too.

the thing is there is no wrong way to be a fan of something that’s fictional, you can like this fictional character so much you want to see them cry and covered in blood for whatever reasons, and that’s okay. as long as you’re not hurting anybody in real life.

there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about people who enjoy whump, just like how there’s nothing wrong or abnormal about people who like horror movies. it’s fiction and it’s a form of art. and I believe everybody is allowed to express and enjoy their interests through art in whichever way they want, as long as they’re not harming anybody in real life.

[annakaspring]

Officially the longest rant I've ever posted

Snater mauraders fans literally being the most shallow people on earth.

I will see them saying Snape deserved to be targeted and bullied. And the reason is always the same.

"he was creepy" how was he creepy? "He was obsessed with Lily and possessive of her."

oh, you mean like how James threatened to physically assault Lily if she didn't go on a date with him while simultaneously bullying her friend? While Severus did as Lily asked and left her alone when she said their friendship was over.

"He was racist." No, comparing the word mudblood a fictional slur to a real life racial slur is so ignorant, problematic and also completely disregards that there could be actual racism in the Harry Potter universe. And Snape is not a pureblood in fact he is way more muggle born than half blood as he grew up in a muggle neighborhood, wearing muggle clothes. Is what Snape called Lily right? No. could she have still been hurt? Yes. But I see the same people who bash Snape, Stan Malfoy who is canonically a pureblood who hates muggle-borns. Like be so for fucking for real rn.

"He was a nazi" Again, comparing a fictional "cult" to real life devastating history is ignorant and frankly ridiculous. But let's just humor that idea for a moment. Then why do I see maurader fans idolizing characters like Barry Crouch Jr? Or Regulus Black? Who not only joined the death eaters just like Severus did but were privileged purebloods who unlike Severus had money, a proper home, family. And in Barty Jr's case he is literally canonically evil.

"He was a bully." So was James, so was Sirius.And both James and Sirius are canonically described as being obviously well loved and privileged while Snape "so obviously lacked" that. Severus had reasons to be cold, stand offish and rude. had a terrible home life, neglectful if not straight up abusive parents, a single friend, depressed and was poor. What was James's excuse?

And I will see ppl who loooove Draco Malfoy yet despise Snape. Draco Malfoy, who is repeatedly voiced his pureblood prejudice so much as saying he wished death upon Hermione Granger simply for her blood status, was a HUGE bully, surely bigger than Snape ever was if he did ever bully (he didn't). Severus Snape used a slur once, once when he was a child while he was being SA'd and regretted it so much he never used the word again. While Draco literally never even apologized for his fanatical white supremacist behavior. "Well he didn't want to kill Dumbledore" I'm sorry but being too cowardly to kill someone does not equal being a good person.

"Oh well they changed, they grew up and became better." Did they? Where's the proof? Where's the evidence? I never saw Sirius own up to his actions. Remus still excused his friends bullying. "Well actually Draco actually liked Hermione the whole time. And that's why he was so mean to her" So? If anything that makes even worse. If a guy wished me dead, was openly vile to I wouldn’t suddenly be okay with it because he was actually attracted to me the whole time.

So what arguments do the Snaters have left?

Nothing, absolutely zero justification other than shallow, half baked reasons.

Severus Snape commits the most unforgivable sin. Being poor, morally grey AND ugly.

Because being poor can be forgiven as long as you're hot i.e Remus Lupin. But forbid they actually show signs of their class. Being malnourished, having hand me clothes, not being able to have proper hygiene. These are all things that actually happen to severely lower class individuals. Being a pureblood snob can be forgiven as long as you're hot. Being actually evil with zero justification is forgiven as long as you're hot.

People will twist and headcanon characters we get two pages of information on into fully fleshed out people with intricate backstories and believable justification for all their evil behavior.

Meanwhile bashing Snape who is one the most complex, dark, interesting character in the series. All because Snape is "ugly".

Because god forbid a character does not fit their rigid beauty standards and is actually complex and human.

And we're not gonna get into how literally not once was Snape ever explicitly described as ugly or how Draco Malfoy in the books described as having a pointed, rat like face.

And just to clarity I'm not trying yuck anybody's yum. Love the characters you love, stan evil ones, ship all the characters you want. I do! I ship character who make absolutely no sense in canon. create intricate stories for background characters all you want That's what fandom is all about. But don't act you have an actual reason for hating Snape while simultaneously stanning Voldemort and Barty Crouch Jr.

Be straightforward and say you don't like him because he does not fit your rigid cookie cutter beauty standards and you have no compassion.

Cheers,

[winchesterwild78]

Unexpected Twist

Characters: Jensen x Reader (wife)

Warnings: injury, language, mention of pregnancy, morning sickness, anger, hurt, fluff

A/N: A quick story idea from @cheekygirl2309. Jensen and reader are married, he’s away filming and gets injured. Reader takes care of him despite his protests, and her unexpected pregnancy. This does not depict real life and is a work of fiction. No disrespect to Jensen or his family.

All work is your own, do not take it or copy it.

Minors DNI 18+

The soft hum of the plane filled the cabin as you drifted off to sleep. You were on your way to surprise Jensen, your husband, who was currently filming his latest project in Canada. This was your first extended separation since you’d married, and you missed him terribly. But you were also excited to see him and to share a secret you'd been keeping: you were pregnant with your first child.

As the plane descended, you couldn't contain your excitement. you imagined the look on Jensen's face when you walked through the door of our rented house. It would be a surprise he'd never forget.

When you walked in the house you were met by silence. You sent Jensen a text to see if he was filming or on his way home.

You: Hey babe. Just wanted to say hello and I miss you.

Jensen: Hey sweetheart, I miss you too. I’m still on set. I’m thinking maybe a few more hours. When I get home I’ll FaceTime you. I can’t wait to see your beautiful face.

You: Okay babe. Have fun and I love you. I can’t wait to see you too.

Jensen: I love you too, Y/N. So much.

You set your phone down and started to unpack. You’d packed for a week, taking off time from work to be there. When you married Jensen, it was important to you to keep working. You loved your job and you wanted to contribute to the household. Jensen was supportive, but you knew deep down he wanted you to quit, mainly so you could travel with him.

After unpacking, fixing something to eat, you took a shower and put on some comfy clothes. Your body was exhausted from traveling, and early pregnancy. As you climbed in the bed to rest, you placed your hand on your belly and rubbed softly. You smiled and drifted off to sleep thinking about the growing baby in your belly, and what the future will look like once they are born.

Unfortunately, your sleep was shattered early the next morning. Your phone rang, jolting you awake. It was a local hospital. Jensen had been in an accident on set and was injured. He had broken his ankle. Your heart sank.

You quickly gathered your things and rushed to the hospital. When you arrived, you found Jensen in a cast, his face a mix of pain and surprise. He was relieved to see you, but you could tell he was upset.

“Babe, what are you doing here?” Jensen asked from his hospital bed. You dropped your bag and ran to his side, throwing your arms around him. “I came in to surprise you, I was at the house asleep and the hospital called me. Jensen, what happened?”

Jensen’s jaw tightened, “It was a stupid fucking accident. I landed wrong, fell backwards and broke my damn ankle in two places.” “Oh Jensen, I’m so sorry.” Tears fell from your eyes. You kissed his lips and he wiped your tears away. “Shhh it’s okay baby. I’m okay.”

The doctor explained that Jensen would need round-the-clock care. Your heart ached for him, but you were determined to be there for him. You knew this would be a challenging time, but you were also grateful for the opportunity to spend more time with your husband.

The doctor gave you Jensen’s discharge papers, explaining he had to stay off the ankle for at least 6-12 weeks. At this time Jensen didn’t need surgery. When the doctor said Jensen would need round the clock care, Jensen’s jaw clenched. You kissed Jensen and left to pull the car around. When they wheeled Jensen out, you saw the anger and disappointment in his eyes. When he looked at you, his eyes softened. Jensen had always hated feeling like he was a burden, and now needing round-the-clock care, he really felt like it.

You helped him into the car and he kissed your cheek as you pulled yourself out of the car. You smiled at him, and he smiled at you. Climbing into the driver’s seat you took his hand in yours. “It’s going to be fine, Jensen. I’m here for you, I’ll always be here for you.”

Jensen nodded, but you could still feel the tension coming from him. “Shit! I need to call work. This is going to set us back so far with filming. Damn it!” Jensen ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

He called his manager and told them what happened. They told Jensen not to worry, they would call and take care of everything. He told them once he got cleared he would be back at work.

When he hung up he looked over at you. “I still can’t believe you’re here. Thank you for surprising me, sorry I ruined the surprise by getting hurt.”

You sighed softly, “Jensen, honey, stop. You didn’t ruin anything, and this isn’t your fault. It was an accident. Besides, now you’re stuck with me for a few weeks. I’ll be your beck and call girl. Anything you need, I’ll make it happen.” He chuckled a little and grinned, “Anything?” He wiggled his eyebrows. You giggled, “Yes, baby, anything you need.”

Once the two of you got back home you helped him out of the car. When you opened the door to help him inside a sudden wave of nausea hit you. You held your breath and tried to focus on Jensen and helping him get inside. A little bit of bile creeped up your throat and you swallowed hard, trying to keep it down.

Jensen noticed you and asked if you were okay. You nodded, not trusting your voice. Getting him inside you set him up in the living room, while you ran to the bathroom to empty the contents of your stomach. Unfortunately for you, your stomach was empty so it was mostly bile and dry heaving.

Brushing your teeth, you walked back into the living room. Jensen was mindlessly flipping through the channels on the television. “Jens, do you need anything other than food? It’s almost time for your medicine, so I’m going to cook you something. What would you like?”

Jensen sat thinking for a minute, “You know I’d really love some breakfast, eggs, bacon, toast and coffee.” “Do you have all that here, or do I need to run to the store?” “I think we have it here. I can go check.”

You placed your hands on your hips, “Jensen, no. I’ll go look. You have to stay off your ankle.” Jensen huffed and groaned, “Fine.” You smiled, walked over and kissed his lips softly, “I love you, Jensen. This is for the best. We need you to get better.”

Jensen’s eyebrows lifted, “I can think of something that can make me better.” He smirked. You laughed, “I need to feed you and give you your medicine, remember we have to stay in front of the pain. Maybe later.” You winked.

Jensen let out a long sigh, it was full of frustration and something else, desire maybe. You touched his shoulder and walked into the kitchen to start cooking. Grabbing everything you needed your mind drifted to the baby. Trying to figure out when was the best time to tell Jensen.

The two of you had talked about children, but agreed to wait a little while longer. Mainly because Jensen had all his new projects and conventions coming up. He wanted to be present during the pregnancy, and he knew right now was not the best time.

Your joy filled heart clenched. A tear slipped out at the thought of the timing and the possibility of him being upset about it. Continuing cooking the smell of the different foods and coffee mixed in the air. The smell became overwhelming and it sent you running to the bathroom.

You sat on the cold tile of the floor, head bent down as you tried to stop the nausea. There is no way I can keep this from him for too long. As you exited the bathroom you heard Jensen call you.

“Sweetheart, are you okay? It sounded like you were getting sick.” You walked into the living room and smiled softly, “Yeah, I’m okay. Probably just airplane food.” You chuckled softly.

Jensen knew something was wrong, partly because he knew you never ate anything on the plane. He let it go. You finished cooking and brought Jensen his food. As you sat beside him, he looked over at you, “Thank you baby, this looks delicious. Aren’t you going to eat?” You shook your head, “Not right now. I’m not very hungry.” He nodded and continued eating.

When Jensen was finished eating you took his plate and went into the kitchen. You cleaned up the kitchen and went back to the living room and sat beside Jensen.

He was flipping through the channels again and you heard him grunt, turning off the television and sitting the remote down.

Jensen laid his head back on the couch and sighed. You looked over at your husband and could feel his pain and frustration.

Touching his arm you said, “Babe, I know you’re frustrated, but we can figure something out for you to do while you’re home.”

“What?! What am I going to do besides sitting on my ass?! That’s all I’m fucking good for right now. Just leave me alone for a while.” You jumped at the anger and harshness in his voice.

You felt the tears prick your eyes, putting your head down and taking your hand away, you whispered “I’m sorry.”

You got up and walked out of the room. Locking yourself in the bathroom, you sat on the side of the tub and let the tears fall. You knew he didn’t mean it, but it still hurt to hear him talk to you like that.

After a few minutes you washed your face and took a deep breath before you opened the door.

Stepping into the hallway, the house was quiet. As you walked towards the living room your heart raced.

Jensen was still sitting on the couch. “Jens, I’m going to the store. Do you need anything?” Jensen didn’t look at you, all he said was “whiskey”.

You swallowed hard. “Baby, I don’t think you can drink with your medicine the doctor gave you for pain.” “Then I won’t take it. Get me some whiskey or I’ll get it myself.”

You stood in silence. Your heart broke. Jensen had never been so cruel to you. “Jensen I’m not getting you alcohol, and you can’t drive. I don’t want you to end up in the hospital or worse because you got drunk while taking your medication. You need the medicine for the pain, you can’t just not take it. Please baby, don't let this minor setback get to you like this.”

Jensen’s jaw clenched. He stood and looked at you, “A minor setback? Are you kidding me?! Fuck! This is just my career going up in smoke. You know, the one that affords our lifestyle. One where you can fly across the country when you want to.”

You gasped and tears flooded your eyes. Jensen instantly regretted what he said when he saw the hurt in your eyes.

You turned around as the tears fell. You grabbed your bag and keys and walked outside. You got in the car, started it and drove away. The tears were falling fast and sobs left your body.

You pulled over because it got so bad you couldn’t see to drive. Your heart was broken. How could you tell him you’re pregnant? He’s so angry and taking it out on you.

Determined to be the best wife you could be, you went to the grocery store and bought groceries for the next week. You also picked up some prenatal vitamins and other things you needed. You called your boss and told them you’d be out for a while due to Jensen’s injury. They were less than happy and told you to either be back in a week or don’t come back at all. So you told them you wouldn’t be back.

After you hung up the weight of the day came crashing down. You didn’t know what to do. The one person you’d talk to about everything was part of the problem. You felt so alone.

It was getting dark by the time you got back home. When you walked in Jensen was no longer on the couch. You saw the door to the bedroom closed. You opened it softly and saw Jensen laying in the bed asleep. You closed the door softly.

Heading out to the car you carried in load after load of groceries. Once all the bags were inside you started to put up the food. Throwing away the bags your heart sank. In the trash was an empty whiskey bottle you knew wasn’t there before you left.

You sighed and started getting dinner ready. You were exhausted, both mentally and physically but you needed to eat. You made baked chicken, roasted potatoes and vegetables.

Putting everything in the oven you sat down and turned on the television. You were flipping through the channels when you saw Supernatural was on. It was Season 15 so Jensen was older.

Your heart flipped when you saw him. You always loved watching him and watching the things he did. You were incredibly proud of him and even more so being his wife.

The television was the only sound in the room. You laid your head down and pulled a blanket on you, and your eyes closed.

The sound of the oven timer going off pulled you from your slumber. You got up, noticing the bedroom door still closed and you went into the kitchen.

You pulled the dish out of the oven and sat in on the hot plate. You walked to the bedroom door, and looked in. Soft snores came from Jensen. You closed the door and went to the kitchen.

Putting some food on a plate, you took it to the table with your water and sat down. Your heart was still so heavy from everything. You had to force yourself to eat.

Thinking about the baby, you ate your fill. Thankfully you were able to keep the food down. When you finished eating you cleaned up and put the rest of the food away.

After the kitchen was clean you went to the bathroom to take a shower. The warm water hugging you like a long lost friend. You needed Jensen, you wanted to feel his arms around you.

Standing under the water you cried. Sobs filled your body. As you turned off the water, your hand touched your stomach. “I’m sorry baby. I’m going to fix this. I promise.”

You pulled on some clean underwear and one of Jensen’s shirts. Leaving the bathroom you made sure everything was locked up and turned off.

Deciding to give Jensen space you went into the guest room. You closed the door and climbed into the bed. Your heart ached for Jensen. Tears fell and you cried into the pillow.

You didn’t know Jensen had woken up while you were in the shower, hearing your sobs. The guilt was washing over him. He laid there listening to you and trying to muster the courage to apologize for being an ass, but he knew you’d be angry smelling the alcohol on his breath. So he just laid there.

When he heard you leave the bathroom and locking up the house he prayed you’d come to bed. Hearing the guest bedroom door close, his heart sank. Jensen knew he messed up.

Jensen was so angry he got hurt, but even more so at himself for taking it out on you. He needed to apologize but he wasn’t sure if you’d want to talk to him.

He pulled himself out of bed and grabbed the crutches the doctor had given him. Steadying himself he made his way to the guest bedroom. Opening the door carefully he saw you laying in the bed with his shirt on and his heart swelled. You were sleeping so peacefully. Your hair laying around your head like a halo. The soft glow of the streetlights casting shadows across your face.

Jensen stepped into the room and sat on the side of the bed. He lightly touched your face, “Sweetheart, wake up.” Your eyes fluttered open and you saw Jensen sitting next to you. His green eyes filled with regret and sadness.

You sat up and threw your arms around his neck and sobbed into his chest. Jensen rubbed your back and kissed your head. “Shhh it’s okay baby. I’m so sorry. This wasn’t your fault and I took it out on you. Baby please forgive me. I’m an ass and I’ll spend the rest of my life making up foe what I said.”

You pulled away, “Jensen, you really hurt me. I know you’re angry about your injury, but you have to know the way you spoke to me wasn’t okay.”

Jensen hung his head in shame, “I know baby. I swear I’ll never speak to you like that again. I love you so much.”

You tilted his chin up and looked in his eyes, “I know you do baby. I love you too.” You placed a soft kiss on his lips.

“Come on darlin’, let’s go to our room.” Jensen stood with the crutches and started to walk out of the room. He stopped when he saw you weren’t moving. “What’s wrong Y/N?”

You took a deep breath, “Jens, I need to tell you something.” Jensen was nervous, “Okay baby. You know whatever it is you can tell me.”

Taking a deep breath you looked in your husband’s eyes, “Jensen, I came to surprise you this week because I missed you. I missed being in your arms. I missed your kiss, and your ability to make me feel that no matter what everything was going to be okay. I also missed making love until we were both exhausted and completely satisfied. But, that all pales in comparison to why I wanted to come see you. A few days after you left I had a check up at the doctor. I got some news I didn’t want to tell you over the phone. So I had to come see you. Then once I got here, everything got turned upside down. You were hurt and angry. It just didn’t feel like the right time to talk to you. I’m so scared, Jensen. Scared of what this will do to us, what it means for us.”

Jensen’s heart broke at your words. This was his fault, why you felt you couldn’t talk to him. His anger and him lashing out broke something between you two. He took a deep breath, “Baby, whatever it is we will do it together. I’m not going anywhere. I love you more than anything and I’m so sorry I’ve made you feel like you can’t talk to me. You can always talk to me. It’s my job as your husband to share the load with you. Please, sweetheart, talk to me. What did the doctor say?”

You met your husband’s green eyes and said, “I’m pregnant.”

Jensen’s eyes went wide. At first you couldn’t read his expression. Your heart thumped loudly in your chest.

He leaned down, took you in his arms and crashed his lips to yours. The kiss was filled with passion and joy. You returned the kiss with equal fervor. Pour all your love and forgiveness into it.

Jensen pulled away and looked at you smiling. “You’re really pregnant? We’re going to have a baby?” You nodded yes.

“You’re not upset, Jens?” “Oh no, baby. I’m so happy. We’re having a baby!”

Tears pricked your eyes as you kissed him again. “Jensen, let’s go to bed.” You climbed out of bed and walked with him to your shared room. Helping him take off his pants, the both of you climbed into bed and he pulled you in his arms.

“Thank you sweetheart for being here to take care of me even if I’m a jackass, and thank you for having my baby. God I love you. I don’t deserve you.”

“I love you too, Jensen, and yes you do. You deserve so much. I can’t wait to bring our baby into this world. They are going to be so loved.”

Jensen placed his hand on your belly, “They already are.”

As you laid beside Jensen, him holding you close, you realized that your lives had taken an unexpected turn. But you were determined to face whatever challenges came your way, together. No matter what it was.

Tags are open, if you want to be added, let me know.

Tags:

@nescaveckwriter @kr804573

@k-slla @jackles010378

@jawritter @xx-spooky-little-vampire-xx

@roseblue373 @cheynovak

@jassackles @chriszgirl92

@suckitands33 @arcannaa

@n-o-p-e-never @ladysparkles78

@smoothdogsgirl @hobby27

@manicjk @stoneyggirl2

@deans-spinster-witch @snowayumi

@shadowqueen1318 @shanimallina87

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@nancymcl @baby19sthings

@cheekygirl2309 @oceean

@kindollss @foxyjwls007

@lmg14 @cevansbaby-dove

[avelera]

It sounds so self-obvious when you say it aloud, but the key to writing romance is that the characters need to be into each other.

I've seen so many so-called "romances" in mainstream movies and shows that somehow fail to achieve this very simple principle. Usually they're het romances but not always. I've also seen established lgbt+ couples who we're told are married but who never show any particular interest in one another to confirm this supposed love in a show-don't-tell manner.

Below the cut I want to explore how to write love (romantic or otherwise), what makes it work in fiction, and the important difference between why characters fall in love vs. why they choose to pursue or stay with the person they fell in love with, because those distinctions matter.

Let's quickly touch on failed fictional relationships before moving onto functioning ones. Because the thing is, it's important to flesh out relationships and romances if they are written into the story even if they aren't the focus of the story or they are doomed to fail as part of the plot.

I see it a lot of times in fictional relationships that are clearly plot points and so the author doesn't bother to invest in them. If a relationship is established with the protagonist just because this current partner is going to break up with them, thus launching our actual romance plot, then there's a temptation not to fully flesh out that doomed-to-fail relationship.

But to skate over the failed relationship is a missed opportunity for a writer. Relationships reveal a great deal about us, as do failed ones. Even if the relationships don't work out, we get the chance to learn what the protagonist is looking for in a relationship, what didn't work in the failed one, and we get to learn more about their love language. This also requires that we see these romantic partners are into each other, or were into each other, and how, before it went sour. Even if it's one sided and doomed to fail, we need to see what the infatuated side of the pairing was into about the other person. Even if it's just physical, that too is revealing.

Romeo was in love with Rosaline before he fell in love with Juliet. But we don't skate over what he loved about her. We learn that Romeo frequently falls in love, he's often impetuous in love (which we will see carried forward later in the famous balcony scene with Juliet). We learn that he is poetic about that love. We learn how much he loved Rosaline, and whether or not we believe he was in love or think that love is wise, it is important for establishing later, when he meets Juliet, the order of magnitude difference between his love of Rosaline and of Juliet. One left him broken-hearted when he lost her, but he quickly recovered. But Juliet? He was willing to die for love of her. The love of Rosaline set up the contrast in how Romeo loves that would be massively important to the impact of the story later.

I bring up this example because many years ago in a high school lit class, the teacher said that Shakespeare never explains why characters fall in love, and so writers don't have to explain why characters fall in love.

It didn't quite sit with me right, because I think it's only half true. The full maxim, and what writers today can learn with regards to romance is:

You don't have to explain why characters fall in love. You do have to explain why they stay together and/or pursue that love.

Actually, it's often better to not explain why a character fell in love. It's ineffable. It just happens. How often have we met or been introduced to someone who is, on paper, perfect for us with similar interests and compatible families or lifestyles, only to not feel any sort of spark? How many grand romances, in contrast, are about people who on paper are terrible for each other but just can't seem to quit one another and keep being drawn back together?

This doesn't just have to apply to romantic love, by the way. How many people are inevitably drawn back to toxic or abusive parents, even though they know this person has a negative impact on their life? How many people stick it out for friendships that damage their health and self-esteem, all out of love?

Again, you don't need to explain why someone loves, but you do need to explain why they pursue it or stick with it. The reasons can be societal, they can be because of guilt, they can be because of adrenaline, or because of long history together, or if it's a successful romance, it can be because they don't just love each other, they also really really like each other!

Now, this might seem somewhat inherently self-contradictory. I'm saying you have to show that people are into each other but that you don't have to explain why they fell in love??

But showing that people are into each other is actually about why they pursue it and stay with the person. The falling in love itself is simply the gravity between them, the magnetic bond, what draws them together. In fiction, we want that to be powerful, overwhelming, inevitable. If the story is about love, we need to see why these people can't walk away, or can't walk away for long, or are miserable when they do. They are drawn to each other, powerfully, destructively or gloriously.

But you can be drawn to someone without having a single conversation or knowing anything about them. We initially fall in love with our image of a person, what they mean to us, what we think they will be in our lives. Real love is about learning who the real person is and continuing to love and to like that person. Real long-term love is loving that person even when they change from the one you first met, and they love you too as you change. But the opposite of love is not hate, it's apathy. The love is the pull.

Why characters are into each other, or why they like each other, is the force that makes them continue to pursue that person. The love itself can be the thing they're into, by the way! "I can't get this person out of my head, I can't put it in words, but they haunt me and I'm into them for that," is a totally valid way to build a romance or character relationship without any other things that they like about each other!

But as said, it can and probably should be more than that in a successful love story. The construction of the love and like of the relationship can also be Love + Long History + Physical Attraction + Deep Understanding. Gomez and Morticia Addams love each other, they'd love each other if the other was unconscious, they'd love each other to the grave and beyond. But they're also into the fact that they're both incredibly extra romantics who love demonstrating their fascination to each other, in ways presumably no other partner could keep up with. They waltz at odd hours, engage in thrilling sword fights, raise a family together based on their shared worldview, and stare deeply into each other's eyes at every opportunity. They don't suffer one another, they adore one another's presence and quirks and foibles. They are seriously whackadoodle into each other and we see it in the joy they take in one another, how much they like each other in addition to that love.

Characters who are in love should be obsessed with something about the person. Remember, these aren't real people, I'm not giving real world relationship advice. This is fiction. You can write a tepid relationship but it will be sort of boring to read. That might be the point! The tepid relationship might be in contrast to your protagonists, for example!

But my point is that in all fictional relationships there should be something in which the characters are each other's biggest fan. In mother/daughter familial love, they might love one another's outspokenness on what is important to them, we can see their eyes shine when the mother or her daughter gives that big important speech, filled with love and pride for them, and encouraging their outspokenness at every turn, inspired by it.

If the love is between two brothers, related or otherwise, we might see that love in darker times. A brother has to pick up the other from jail. It is painful, heartbreaking, but he can't turn away, he can't not do it. That's love. But, maybe the brother he picked up cracks a joke on the ride home, makes the other laugh despite himself, and suddenly, he remembers the good side of the love too, that his brother can always make him laugh. This is important because it shows us not just that these brothers love each other, but why they continue to interact with each other despite the pain and disappointment. That might actually be tragic rather than happy. One brother might not be able to escape because of the other's ability to make him laugh. That too is love, not just the magnetic attraction of it but the reason it continues to draw them together inevitably, that ability to understand one another and make the other laugh, when he really should probably walk away for his own sake.

The reason so much slash shipping exists in fanfiction is because very often, platonic love is fleshed out in the mainstream more often between two same-sex characters with greater depth than romantic love. A mainstream show might present us with a couple who we are told are attracted to each other and from there the writers assume that is enough to explain why they got together. Nothing deeper. No spark of liking one another in addition to wanting one another.

But in a buddy cop film, the buddy cops are usually obsessed with each other. They stand up for one another when the chips are down, they save one another in moments of peril, they look into each other's eyes and discuss what is important to them in life, like solving the mystery they're working on, and in doing so find understanding with one another's worldviews. That is infinitely more satisfying as a love story than simply telling me that a beautiful Barbie and Ken of main characters have slept with each other and therefore are dating and "in love".

Obsession is key. But don't get too bogged down in how the love exists. It exists because that's love. And we are fascinated in fiction by powerful love of all sorts. We love characters who don't just suffer each other but are into each other, ludicrously, obsessively, even tragically. Turn up the love to the whackadoodle maximum and break off the knob and I guarantee, you will at the very least have characters that people will watch with interest. We love characters who are obsessed with something, or someone. Their love reveals to us what is lovable about that character or thing, it makes us love them.

And then, because love alone is not always enough, show us the joy that keeps them coming back to each other. Show us some good times mixed in with the bad, tragic as they might be for how they prevent the cutting of ties that maybe should be severed. Show us why they can't give up and walk away. Show us too why they like each other. That is what draws a good love story together.

[dilly-dahlia]

The Guard at the Window

pairing: fem!reader x Laurance

content: tangled au, variation of Stockholm syndrome, emotional abuse, kind of slow burn for this being a one shot, they actually don't get together, the world of MCD but not canon compliant, not-so-meet-cute, enemies to lovers (?), vague allusions to a difficult past concerning the mother, use of y/n

summary: Being locked in a tower your whole life can put a damper on your mood. But when your knight in shining armor comes to rescue you, do you really want to go with him?

word count: 5.4k (i'm sorry everyone i got carried away)

masterlist

It was not a pleasant thing to be locked up in your tower.

Yes, you enjoyed the solitude it provided. You had read numerous history books about the horrible things people did beyond the walls, and your mother had told you in great detail the terrible things that had happened to her before she was blessed with you. She wanted to protect you from the troubles she had endured at your age, and you were content with that.

But you had read other stories. The fictional ones your mother brought you as a reward for taking such wonderful care of your tower while she was away were filled with magic. You were transported to another world when you opened the crisp pages, and you could devour those stories in hours.

Those were the stories that told you about love and its different forms. You had read about brave heroines creating everlasting bonds with the people they led or the animals they befriended. You read about relationships of unconditional trust in terrifying situations, and you had read about families that found each other in their darkest times.

But your favorites, as cliche as it may be, were the ones where two people fell in love.

You loved reading about the feelings that developed and the stolen kisses and the romantic outings. They always had you smiling uncontrollably and kicking your feet when you daydreamed about experiencing the same thing later.

You longed to know what it felt like to fall in love the same way the characters in your stories did. You yearned to feel that same flap of butterfly wings in your stomach and have your knees weak at the small action of a kiss. You found yourself fantasizing about it more often than you liked to admit, imagining how it would go.

Perhaps your mother would find a suitor for you. She would bring him up into your tower when she visited and introduce the two of you. She would tell you that he was a lord of high standing and nobility and he would sweep you off your feet.

Or maybe he would find himself at the base of your tower, where the two of you would raise your voices just to communicate with each other. He would catch you when you jumped out to join him and create a life together.

Or, since your birthday was coming up, it might be possible to ask your mother to take you out. You were no longer a little girl or a teenager and you could defend yourself. Surely she would see no problem and allow you to accompany her on her next trip. You would travel to a village that sold the finest silks and paints and meet him on the street corner.

Your mother had other plans.

"Leave the tower?" She didn't even look at you as she cleaned the apples in her basket, rubbing them with a rag until they reflected the candlelight. "And how would we get back up?"

You softly exhaled through your nose, beginning to run your fingers through your hair and ignoring the subtle throbbing in your head. "We can use the same way you used when you originally brought me here."

Your mother scoffed, turning her head to look at you. Her gaze followed your hands for a moment before you got the hint to stop. She didn't like when you played with your hair. She always said it would cause stress and make you lose it.

"Darling," she began, her voice honeyed, "the way I used to get you up here is now so overgrown it's hardly usable anymore. Besides, I don't even remember where the door is."

When she turned her attention back to the apples and began cutting them up, you rolled your eyes. You opened your mouth to say something, but your mother kept talking, drowning the thoughts you were going to voice.

"It's a dangerous world out there, darling. You wouldn't like it. This meadow around the tower is the only safe haven I've found to protect you, and I refuse to put your safety in jeopardy just because you want to see beyond the walls."

This time, you didn't hide your discontent. You groaned and came up behind your mother, wrapping your arms around her body and resting your chin on her shoulder. She was a bit taller than you, so it was uncomfortable and you had to stand on your tiptoes.

"Please, mother. It's for my birthday."

"Yes, yes, darling. Your twenty-fourth, if I recall correctly." It was your twenty-third. "Quite a large number to celebrate. Oh, my baby's getting old."

She hummed as she reached up and pinched your cheek, her focus hardly faltering as she continued to cut up the fruit in her basket. The action left remnants of the sugared juice on your cheek, and you pulled away to wipe it off with the back of your hand.

"Mother, I'm not a little girl anymore. I can protect myself now."

"My answer is no, Y/n," she snapped. She turned her head once again to face you, and her gaze was so burning it made you feel like the small child you had just claimed you weren't. "Why do you want to go outside anyway? Aren't you happy with the luxuries I bring you every year?"

You didn't answer. Of course you were grateful for the gifts she brought you, you just wanted more. You wanted to experience what everyone else did.

"Y/n," your mother said after you had been quiet for a moment too long. "You're a young lady. You have the capability to respond when someone asks you a question."

You only nodded. Your mother let out an exasperated breath at the lack of an answer.

"See? You can barely answer a simple question. What makes you think you'll be able to survive out there?" She vaguely motioned to the open window before she walked past you, attempting to put an end to the conversation by stepping up the stairs that led to her private bedroom.

But you weren't going to let it stop there. You quickly caught up to her and grabbed her wrist with a gentle hold before she reached the curtain to the room, making her stop in her tracks and turn to you.

"It would just be one day, Mother. I'll stay by you the whole time, I-"

"I said no." Her tone was stern, and when she pulled her hand from your grasp it felt as though an arrow had gone through your heart. "I'm not changing my mind. Now, by the time I come out to make dinner, you attitude will be gone, is that understood?"

"But-"

She raised her brows. Her stare was piercing, searching your eyes for every secret you had.

You pressed your lips together for a moment before nodding.

Your mother didn't say anything else, only pulling the dark curtains to her room back enough for her to walk in. You waited until the thick fabric to stop swaying to lift your hand and push against the curtain, seeing if she would let you in.

Your hand met a barrier. Clearly she didn't want you with her at the moment. You weren't allowed in her room unless she had given you explicit permission.

You sighed, going down the stairs and sitting on your own bed. The wisteria flowers you had placed around the columns had started wilting. Maybe, if she wouldn't let you outside, your mother could at least get you new blooms.

—

Attitude. What attitude was she talking about?

You had laid down in your bed, twisting some of the wisteria leaves from your bed together to form a flower crown while you waited until your mother came back down. When she did, your "attitude" had disappeared, but neither of you spoke. Not even when the two of you sat at the table and ate the potato soup she had made.

Neither of you spoke again until the next morning. You wouldn't have at all if your mother hadn't told you she was leaving again. This time, the trip would be longer and you'd be alone.

You had only nodded in response. You waited by the window, watching as your mother gathered what she would need from the pantries and drawers before tossing your hair out the window. You groaned when she took hold of it, closing your hands around the strands near your scalp in an attempt to lessen the pull.

When she finally gave your hair one last tug, you nearly stumbled. You righted yourself before you fell, though, and stood at the window until your mother disappeared behind the veil of leaves that kept you hidden.

She was gone now, leaving you with absolutely nothing to do for hours on end.

Yes, you enjoyed the solitude your tower provided, but sometimes you wished there was someone to keep you company.

—

You heard the harsh grinding of stone against iron while you were seated at the table, mending a pair of slippers that had recently torn along the seams. The sound made you pause. You waited a moment to make sure you weren't going crazy.

When you heard it again, you immediately dropped the material in your hands and lunged for the cupboard. You grabbed a knife and darted across the room, throwing open the door to your wardrobe and pushing your blouses and skirts aside to hide among them. You spent longer than you wanted trying to stuff your hair in the spaces beside you, and you're sure a small amount of it got stuck beneath the doors. You left it open just a crack so you could see out of it.

He grunted as he lifted himself onto the windowsill, muttering a curse when he kicked his leg over the edge and stumbled into the room without grace. He stood up and looked around, his gaze faltering when he caught sight of the wardrobe. He started at it for a moment—a long moment where you thought he would stride right up to you and open the door, but he didn't.

When he turned his head away, you looked at him. His disheveled hair was light brown, parted down the middle. He was wearing gray pants and a blue overcoat. A leather bag wrapped tightly around his body, and a scabbard was secured around his waist, his hand never leaving the hilt of his sword.

The only thought that crossed your mind was that you would have to be sneaky to gain any kind of advantage over him, and when he took tentative steps past the wardrobe, further into the tower, you slowly pushed open the door and stepped out.

Your footsteps were quiet. You approached him slowly, making sure you didn't make any sound. You held the knife in front of you, both hands on the hilt, and aimed it at him.

Go fast and just get it over with, you told yourself, but something was making you hesitate. This was wrong. This was wrong, but he was trespassing. If something happened to you because you couldn't protect yourself . . . Dear, your mother would be enraged. She would never let you leave.

This was your one chance to prove you could protect yourself.

You stepped closer. Closer and closer until you were in such close proximity that you felt the need to hold your breath.

Just as you reached the point where you could jab out your arm and stab him, you paused. You tried to keep your breaths light and unheard, but your heart was pounding. You could feel it fighting against your rib cage, burning to jump out of your chest.

Your hesitance made you the victim. In one swift move, the man in front of you drew his sword and lunged back. In the same movement, he had successfully disarmed you, your kitchen knife now thrown across the room.

You froze, your hands lifted by your side in what you think is meant to be a defensive pose. Or the beginnings of running away. You aren't sure, since you couldn't think clearly because of the sword pointed at you.

The man looked you up and down, raising his eyebrows when he noticed your bare feet and the bandages wrapped around your fingertips (the result of accidentally stabbing yourself with a needle one too many times). His stance relaxed, but he kept his sword aimed at you.

"Who are you?" he asked. His voice was smooth, and if the circumstances were different you might have swooned from the sound alone.

You were silent, opening and closing your mouth like a fish as you fought to articulate the words you wanted to say. You must have looked like an idiot, wearing an untucked blouse and skirt that had clearly seen better days.

"I- Who are you?" you asked instead. Your voice was quieter than you would have liked. You tried clearing your throat discreetly before saying it louder, but it came out as a cough instead.

You decided not to repeat your question. You didn't want to embarrass yourself more than you already had.

The man was quiet. His gaze traveled over you again, this time lingering on the copious amounts of hair that trailed behind you. His eyes followed it for a moment before snapping back to your face.

He sheathed his sword and stood straighter, though that did nothing to quell your fears of being sliced to pieces.

"My name is Laurance Zvahl." He bowed, which surprised you. You knew that bowing was the typical show of gratitude or courtesy for someone of high standing, but you were just a girl in a tower. "I'm second in command of the guard in Phoenix Drop."

Your brows furrowed as he straightened. Phoenix Drop? It was a town your mother had visited years ago. The only thing she said when she returned from her stay was, "It was nothing special. Just a small, underdeveloped town run by a pacifist."

But . . . Phoenix Drop was so far. What was their second in command doing here?

"May I ask what your name is?" he asked when you had been silent for too long. He crossed your arms, and you figured he must not have pinned you as a threat if he was being this nonchalant about everything.

Which, you weren't a threat, but his comfort in your home unnerved you.

"Y/n," you replied.

Laurance smiled kindly. "A beautiful name for a beautiful woman."

Your eyes slightly widened. You can't say for sure if you blushed, but you knew from the way his smile widened that you weren't doing a very good job of hiding how flustered the single compliment made you.

You cleared your throat again. "Why are you here?"

"Ah." Laurance glanced around as he spoke. "Well, a few guards and I were accompanying our Lord on a trip. Unfortunately, we got separated in the forest and I ended up here. I assumed this tower was vacant since there was so much overgrowth outside, but"—he motions to you—"it clearly wasn't."

You nodded. People got lost in the forest surrounding your tower all the time, but none had ever entered the small circle of rocks that surrounded you. They had tried, but a barrier your mother had set up around it prevented them from getting father.

So how did he get in?

You knew that sometimes your mother's magic faltered, especially if she was far away, but she had redone the spells surrounding you just last week. They should have been stronger, if anything.

Laurance, taking note of your silence, continued talking. "I saw the tip over the rocks and assumed it was hollow. I suppose my guess was rewarded, since I now get to spend a few moments with someone as pretty as you."

He smiled again, and you found yourself relaxing ever so slightly. He hadn't moved to draw his sword again or make any physical advances on you, and you found your mind easing in your presence.

Your mother had always warned you of people like him—of people that seemed easy to trust and talk to. They were the most deceptive. They were the ones that would shatter your entire being with one lie.

You put her warnings in the back of your mind. It couldn't have been possible for someone with such sincere eyes to be a cheat, right?

"There's magicks around this tower," you said. You tried keeping your voice flat. "You shouldn't have been able to see anything, let alone get in."

Laurance's brows furrowed. "Really? Well, it must not be very strong. I didn't pick up on any traces of magic when I came in."

You huffed, any earlier ease you had felt now gone. "There is a barrier surrounding this tower and the rocks around it. My mother is the best witch in Ru'aun. Her magic essence comes from a line of witches so potent and known that armies have fallen at the feeling of it. Her magic doesn't falter for deities, much less a non-magicks user like you."

Your mother had told you stories about your ancestors. She often spoke about how they fought by Lady Irene's side and protected her from Shad the Destroyer. You knew your mother had powerful magicks. She had shown you the extent of her abilities herself.

Laurance's eyebrows raised again. He showed a lot of facial expressions, you noticed.

"Right. Well, I'm here, so maybe your mother's magic just ran out." He shrugged, the charming smile that painted his lips widening.

"Magic doesn't just run out-"

"Then it wore off, or something. Listen, I don't know a lot about magic or witches or . . . anything else like that." Laurance shrugged. You huffed, crossing your arms.

Incompetent little b-

"So, you just stay up here?" Laurance's stare was on your hair again, following the long locks until he reached the pile of hidden strands still in your wardrobe. He walked up to you and you stiffened, but he walked past you to trail your hair instead.

"Obviously," you snapped, as if it were common knowledge that you did. Your mother's words rang in your head. "There would be no way back up if I left."

Laurance hummed. You started running your hands through your hair as he approached the wardrobe, opening the door wider and allowing the pile of hair inside to slide out. "You got a lot of hair," he stated.

You tugged your hair closer to your body, though the action did nothing to move it further from Laurance. "How else is my mother supposed to get up here?"

Laurance lifted his head to face you, his brows raised. "Your mother climbs your hair to get up here?" You nodded. "That doesn't . . . It doesn't hurt?"

"Well, yeah. But I've gotten used to it. It doesn't hurt now as much as it did when I was little."

"People climbing your hair is a regular occurrence?"

You let out an exasperated breath. Who was this guy in thinking he could ask so many questions. "My mother's the only one."

"And you've never left this tower?"

You shook your head.

Laurance let out a low whistle.

You pressed your lips together. You knew he was judging not only your mother, but your lifestyle. Sure, it might not have been the most accepted method of protection, but up until today it had worked. You had been content to be alone in your tower your entire life. You had to be. Who was he to think he could just climb the walls and criticize the way you lived?

Laurance was looking out the window he had come in from. You opened your mouth to snap back, but Laurance started talking before you could.

"Ever consider leaving?"

His question caught you off guard. You started at him gobsmacked for a moment—as if he had just admitted a heinous secret to you—before your mind cleared enough for you to formulate an answer.

"I-I do. Yes." You paused, choosing your words. "But I'm content up here."

Laurance's lips curved into another charming smile. It practically lit up the room, and you found yourself easing once again at the sight of it.

"So you do? Do you even get fresh air up here? Have you ever felt the sun on your skin?"

You huffed. "Of course I have. That window allows me to receive what nature provides."

"But you've never really experienced any of it, have you? You've never laid out in the sun or ran in a field or-or talked to someone that isn't your mother, have you?"

You crossed your arms and looked away. "I'm talking to you right now, aren't I?"

Laurance exhaled. "That's not what I mean. I mean you don't have any friends, or acquaintances, or anyone to talk to at all. You don't get lonely up here?"

You rolled his words over in your head but didn't say anything. You refused to admit he was right. You did get lonely, and you did want to leave your tower even if it was for one day. But your mother wouldn't allow it.

Laurance's expression softened as he realized how sheltered you actually were. He looked around the tower again, taking in the hand painted details and the homemade candles and the stacks of books against the walls. He couldn't imagine living like this—stuck in an inescapable tower with nothing to do for days, years on end. No socialization, no friends, not even an animal of some kind for you to interact with.

"Alright, so clearly your mom's got a little something going on in her head." The words had you snapping your head in his direction as Laurance pointed his finger and moved it in a small circle. Your nose scrunched and you uncrossed your arms, moving to hit him, shove him, something, while you said a few choice words, but Laurance stuck his hand out and held onto your shoulder, keeping you an arm's length away. "But this is genuinely insane." He vaguely motioned to the room. "No one keeps their kid locked in a place like this. Not if they truly love them."

You huffed again, trying to push yourself forward to smack him, but his grip on your shoulder only tightened. It was clear he wasn't going to let you move.

"You don't know what you're talking about!" you yelled. "You don't know what my mother's been through or what she's trying to protect me from."

"Do you even know what she's protecting you from? Because the defenses you claim are surrounding this tower sound like battle tactics. Nothing poses that much of a threat to a place like this."

“People like you do,” you bit back. “My mother’s always warning me about you. The handsome, charming ones that can obviously get girls to smile with every word they say. She says people like you will turn their backs on those they claim to love without a second thought.”

Laurance exhaled. “Okay, so your mother met one bad person that broke her trust and ruined her life. That’s no reason to lock your daughter up forever. Not everyone is like that.”

“Well the good ones are so sparse and hard to find that there isn’t even a point in trying.”

“How would you even know that? You-” Laurance groaned, cutting himself off and taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “Listen, this is insane.” Laurance threw his arms out, motioning to the tower. “No one locks people up like this to protect them. You can’t tell me you seriously want to stay up here for the rest of your life, can you?”

You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms again. “Obviously I don’t, but my mother knows best. If she says that staying up here will keep me safe and away from the people she seems unworthy, then I will stay up here.”

Laurance blew out a breath. He ran a hand through his hair and began pacing for a moment.

“Alright, listen. I know this is crazy, but you clearly don’t. And I now know that you don’t want to stay here forever. So how about this—I get you out of here. You can experience the world for just a little bit, see how people interact, see how life is supposed to be, and then you can decide if your mother truly knows what’s best for you.”

You pursed your lips. His offer was enticing. You had just spoken to your mother about this and refused you. You knew you shouldn’t go with him. Laurance was a stranger you just met. He could be a serial killer for all you knew.

But there was something in his eyes. His gorgeous blue eyes that resembled celestite held something akin to worry. He wanted you to leave, and you realized it wasn’t so he could fulfill whatever sick fantasy he might have had.

He was kind, you could tell that much. He couldn’t seem to handle the thought of anyone stuck in the same situation as you, and he wanted to help you. He needed to help you get out of this tower, even if it was only for a couple days.

You huffed. “How do you propose both of us get out of here?”

Despite himself, a faint smile graced Laurance’s features. “We could get out the way I came in.”

Laurance reached into his bag and pulled out four arrows. You found it odd, since he had no bow on him. He must have found them somewhere.

You looked down at the arrows, your gaze flicking between them and Laurance’s eyes.

“I’m not using those,” you plainly stated.

“Then use your hair. I’m sure you can double it up or something and slide down it. I’ll catch you when you reach the bottom.”

You rolled your eyes, biting your lip to hide a smile.

Nothing else was said. You watched as Laurance sauntered back to the window and kicked his legs over the edge. You stayed standing in your spot, wondering if you should really do this.

Your mother would be gone for weeks. You could afford to spend some time out. But what if something happened to you? You could be kidnapped or killed or worse.

When the top of Laurance’s head disappeared, you took that as your sign to stay behind. If he was out of sight then the whole thing was out of mind. You would never have to tell your mother about this, and maybe one day she would take you out herself.

You were just about to turn and continue mending your slipper’s when you heard his voice.

“You comin’?” he called out. You paused again. Against your better judgment, you walked to the window and peered over the edge.

Laurance wasn’t that far down the tower. He was looking down at where he placed his feet so he didn’t slip.

You looked past him, to the grassy field of flowers below him. You watched a rabbit scurry across your line of vision before it disappeared into a hole beneath a tree before taking a deep breath.

Okay, so maybe out of sight out of mind wasn’t going to work for you. That was alright. It would be just fine if you left with this man you just met, right?

Oh Divines.

You took another deep breath before tossing your hair out the window and winding it around the hook. How does this work? Do you just grab it and then scale down the tower? Do you slide down the hair? What if you got stuck?

You reached out and grabbed ahold on your hair. You tugged on it experimentally, knowing it would hurt your head more than usual since you wouldn’t be able to tug it back toward your scalp.

You slowly inhaled and exhaled again before doing the same as Laurance and kicking your feet over the windowsill.

One deep breath at a time, you gathered the courage to let yourself fall ever so slightly, yelping when you moved farther down than you intended. Your heart jumped to your throat, and it took you another moment to gather yourself and continue.

Laurance had already made it to the bottom. He now stared up at you, poised to move if your slipped and fell. He would catch you, you trusted that much.

It didn’t quell your nerves. It took another minute of deep breaths and closing your eyes before you readjusted yourself and your foot met the warm stone of your tower. You slowly moved down, grunting with the effort of quite literally holding yourself up by the head.

Laurance’s voice talked you through it as you reached closer and closer to the bottom. Your arms felt as though they would give out and your head was pounding. You thought you had good footing on the tower, but the stone was loose. It crumbled beneath your foot as you loosened your hold on your hair to move down and you went tumbling with it.

You let out a scream as you fell, though it was short lived. Laurance was beneath you in an instant, catching you in a mess of bundled fabric and tangled hair. The placement of his hands wasn’t the most appropriate, with one hand just a hair away from groping your chest and the other holding a firm grip on your hip, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to chastise him as you took a second to gather yourself again.

You gently pushed him away when your mind cleared. He set you onto your feet without complaint and waited until your breathing evened out to say anything.

When you finally looked up at him, he smiled.

“Look behind you,” he said. You did so, craning your neck up to see the window of your tower left wide open. It was much taller than you expected, and you had to turn your whole body and take a few steps back to take it all in. “You’re free. For a couple days at least.”

You didn’t let thoughts of how your mother would punish you if she found out plague you. Nor did you let yourself think about the impossible task of getting back up into the tower. You refused to fathom every terrible thing that could happen to you because you were free, albeit for a short period of time.

Your face broke into a wide smile. You tore your gaze from your tower and looked around. You had only ever seen the meadow from an aerial view. You never would have thought that it looked so beautiful seeing everything from where you stood now.

You let out a breath of disbelief, laughing as you knelt in the grass and ran your hands through the soft blades.

How did you live your entire life without this?

You didn’t comment at the sound of Laurance’s footsteps behind you. You just relished in the sound his boots made against the gravel and dirt, an odd sound to love but one you never think you’ll tire of hearing.

You look up at him, bright smile and all.

“What?” you asked, noticing his expression. It seemed content. There was the faintest of smiles on his lips and his eyes were sparkling like the water in the creek across the field.

Laurance shook his head. “Nothing. Just glad I could help.”

If it was possible, your smile would have widened. You pushed yourself back to your feet, rubbing your scalp to loosen the tension as you looked around again.

“So where are we going?” you asked.

“Well, I need to find my lord and the other guards I accompanied,” Laurance said. You turned to him, still running your hands through your hair. “You’re free to join me, if you’d like, or we can go our separate ways. The choice is yours, beautiful.”

That time, you allowed yourself to soften your smile as you gazed at him. “I think I will.”

Looking at him now, with the sun shining against his hair and reflecting off his eyes like they were the rarest crystals, you thought he was handsome. Unbearably so. The corners of his eyes turned up and his face looked as though it would fit in your hands perfectly. His nose had a prominent bump on the bridge that he might have been conscious of at one point, but it now suited him.

You shook yourself of those thoughts, but as you trailed behind him, following him out of the solitude you had known your whole life, you couldn’t help but think that this was the start of your love story.

was this accurate to his character? maybe. i’m not sure since i’m still getting back into the fandom but I hope y’all enjoyed 💙

will this have a part 2? maybe. if y’all want one then let me know. either way i’m probably gonna write a part two but for now it will remain a one shot