#i just had a “bad day” and holy shit this game knows how to invoke some visceral terror AND mix it with intense gameplay effects

[moderatetoaboveaverage]

I've been playing a bit of voices of the void recently after watching a yt videos about it. I absolutely love it, favorite cleaning sim/horror game of all time.

[lesbianmarth]

it’s been a while since i posted about aa but i just finished soj in its entirety tonight. here’s my new list so far

i still have to give thoughts on cases 4 5 and dlc so that’ll be under a cut. spoilers!

6-4: this was such a filler case, almost shamefully so. i don’t know why they thought they could manage to do this in the 4th case when every game with 5 cases has been pretty consistent about making the 4th case plot relevant, sometimes literally just a preamble to case 5. so yeah i think this one was kinda ass

the two things it had going for it: one, athena. in 6-2 i actually got confused about why i ever liked her, because in that case she felt like she was just acting the part of the Peppy Teen Girl With a Rowdy Streak that makes up almost every assistant character. But then as SOON as she started bantering with Simon in 6-4 i was like “oh, THAT’S why i liked her!” was nice to take control of her again.

two, uendo toneido. while i don’t think you can say the DID was portrayed with quite the necessary respect or kindness, it was handled better than i’ve seen other media handle it-- at least it’s not completely demonized. other people have written more on that in better detail so i’m not really the judge, but the basic point is that this witness was mad fun to read, and even the dumb jokes like the changing number of floor cushions were entertaining. thus why this case is in the “hard carried by one side character” tier.

especially since there was like nothing else going on. no connection to the main plot, only two other characters besides uendo, and for some reason the clown tits girl was here instead of the magic show case (and to be honest, she wasn’t enjoyable for me even BEFORE she did the standard aa female villain thing and changed her speech pattern as soon as she fell under suspicion). just a weird, nothing case stuck right around the point aa games usually enter endgame. And especially weird because...

6-5 part 1: inexplicably there are two separate cases in the final chapter and each gets one day of investigation and trial. such a weird setup, and it really shouldn’t work... but i think it kinda barely does. barely. it would still have been better to split it into case 4 and case 5 though.

i have a hard time articulating much on the first case bc it sort of blends together for me. the main thing is that the concept of it being a civil case where apollo and phoenix face off is really good. it was a good change of pace, even though you knew it was gonna be a murder somehow anyway. sarge was reasonably nice, i guess, paul atishon had some good animations and quirks (my favorite being when he tries to just walk away from the stand to avoid answering a question), and the logic of the actual murder was good enough.

but i especially got those strong “oh this is a FINAL case!” vibes during the segment in the cave, and that added so much to it even if not much of it was relevant in the first half of the case. the adventure feel reminded me of some of the (out of context bc i still havent played it) scenes i know from 3-5, which is a good association to invoke imo. and it did a lot to give apollo and dhurke time to bond.

speaking of which, dhurke, holy shit. what a KING. i don’t think i’ve ever liked a dad character in ace attorney this much. he’s so genuine and like down to earth that it’s impossible not to start liking him and believe how much he cares for his sons. the bit where he rescued apollo from the cave flood... i felt it in my heart

6-5 part 2: let me just get this out of the way: ga’ran sucks. her design after she goes full evil is so bad, she’s so malicious that it’s immediately obvious she’s going to be the culprit, her breakdown is ridiculous and just embarrassing to watch, and inga had already established way more charisma as a villain when he did the “those were orders of execution actually” bit in 6-3. with that said,

i actually liked it for the most part. the spirit channeling stuff was excellent imo-- they probably use it to similar or greater effect in 3-5 but as someone who again has not played that, i was surprised and almost impressed by how well it was applied. maya was relevant for something! it feels like it’s been ages!

rayfa was a little underutilized, i think-- her moment of determination where she stops letting ga’ran have control over her was alright but it fell flat bc it didn’t have any weight during the moment. i kept hoping she would like, wordlessly take of her shawl and do the little verbal preamble to the divination seance while ga’ran kept yelling at her to stop, but no, the script can’t be good like that, i guess. and since she didn’t get to be the investigation assistant for long, none of her charm in that role carried through.

but DHURKE!! oh my god! in a game almost devoid of emotional impact, his involvement in this case really hit. the way they painstakingly animated his death, the scene where he makes a promise with maya, and then the weight of knowing in hindsight that everything he did in the first part of the case was after he’d already died and just wanted to see his son again before passing on for real....... it hurt. i felt something during that section. this case would also be hard carried by him if not for the fact that i really liked the murder bits.

amara was good too--liked how they made her suspiciously serene and accentuated it with the lightning strikes to make her look like a hidden murderer character about to reveal herself, only to walk it back and confirm she was being forced to act that way. i thought it worked. nahyuta was boring though, i’m sorry-- i get the motivation with having to be a bastard bc his sister and mom were basically held hostage, but the only time i found him compelling in that mess was the bit where he removed his one fingerless glove and revealed he still has the dragon tattoo. that was it. athena was also completely unused the whole case (not even a single mood matrix? really?) and trucy one again went without any role of importance.

the ending also... yknow, a friend said they had to end it this way bc they never figured out what they were going to do with apollo (since following up on what they started in aa4 clearly wasn’t an option???) and just threw him on a bus to get rid of him. i agree with that-- he really feels thrown to the side, and with that i think trucy’s officially stranded with no hope of any character advancement. and the way they ended the game with phoenix and lamiroir deciding “yeah, maybe NOW we should finally tell those two they’re related” honestly felt insulting lol

but maybe the dlc case will let things go out on a high note...?!

6-6: it was okay.

it would’ve worked pretty well as a filler case in an older aa-- honestly i think it’d be one of the better filler cases, certainly worth replacing the shitty ones like 2-3 or 3-3 or, hey, 6-4. but whether i’d say it was worth paying for... eh.

the time travel conceit was done well enough, i think. the way they tied it back to sorin and pierce’s backstories was nice, and the twist about having two receptions was good, although they needed to treat that as a real twist with much more gravity. when the truth comes out it just feels like “oh of course that’s what happened” rather than a big surprise worthy of the Confessing the Truth theme. it’s sort of important because the case becomes a lot less interesting when you take out the time travel element.

far as characters are concerned, i think they needed more side characters to sell the whole thing-- another sprocket family member or another servant of the household. it felt a little limited-- sorin and pierce are pretty good witnesses and i like their quirks and their secrets, but the only alive woman (ellen) has very few traits and no connection to the deeper story of the case, so she falls really flat. the old aa characters didn’t add much- maya and edgeworth were just there for fanservice, ema didn’t get to do much other than acknowledge for the first time in years that she’s a big edgeworth fan, and larry is annoying as hell like he always is.

and oh my god i actually forgot while i was writing that, how they put in athena and trucy but only used them for brief slapstick where trucy would try to set athena on fire and shit. again-- no mood matrix? couldn’t even try once to fit those two characters into something?

i did like pierce’s transformation into his surgeon form though-- that was really cool. loved him doing surgery on a robot, taking xrays of the lawyers, and his breakdown was fantastic-- he would make a really good culprit if they didn’t whiff the last bit of pathos at the end. i don’t think he should’ve been aiming for revenge on sorin; it would have hurt much more if he was still loyal to the guy and never intended for him to be in danger, but the final “why’d you do it?” talk in the trial just felt flat and one-note, much like the one in 6-4.

... so that’s spirit of justice! not a super positive experience but i’m happy to say it’s done. as much as i want to go and replay dgs, i think when i do go back to ace attorney i’ll be replaying the trilogy for the first time since high school

[elisaphoenix13]

Time And Wonder

Valerie started scooting a few months ago...but then she completely bypassed actual crawling for walking. Both Stephen and Tony were home for her first steps and the sorcerer had to hold back pathetic tears of happiness because he finally got to see one of his kids take their first steps. He didn't get that with Diana. Valerie used Harley to get to her feet and the entire family watched as she stumbled over to her blocks. She fell to her hands and knees once, got back up, and finished her short trek to her toys where she sat down and played quietly.

When the moment was over, Tony happened to look over at Stephen and found the sorcerer covering his mouth and tears threatening to spill down his cheeks. As much as he wanted to laugh, he didn't because he knew how much the moment meant to Stephen. It was important to Tony as well, but he got to see Diana's first steps.

Now Valerie walked everywhere. She made it her personal mission to follow Stephen everywhere she could, and one day that happened to be out of the master bedroom and down the stairs. The sorcerer left Valerie with Tony in their bedroom, but his husband must have looked away for the dooming second because the baby started to follow her mother. She got to the stairs and Diana happened to look up from her coloring book just as the baby took a step off the top of the stairs and Dia throws her hands up with a gasp.

"STOP!"

Valerie freezes as she starts to fall forward and Tony runs out of the bedroom with a terrified expression while Stephen rushes back toward the stairs from the kitchen. The parents stare at the frozen baby at the top of the stairs and Stephen slowly looks from Valerie to Diana, who still had her hands raised with a shocked expression.

"Diana...how did you…" Stephen starts as Tony finally races forward and grabs the baby and she unfreezes with a grumpy noise. Valerie wasn't happy with being stopped from following her mommy.

"I...I didn't want her to get hurt. I was going to use my magic to keep her upstairs." Diana says softly as she lowers her hands.

Tony carries Valerie downstairs and safely puts her down on the ground when he reaches the bottom, and the baby walks over to Stephen and clings onto his leg. "I thought you could only use time magic with the Time Stone."

"I thought so too." Stephen says. "Perhaps it's powers were mixed with the spell when she was born. I had it then."

"Little Miss...do you think you can do that again?" Tony asks.

"I don't know."

The elevator door opens and Steve and Bucky step onto the floor. Tony looks at Diana and motions toward the couple with his head, and the little girl holds out one of her hands, freezing her uncles in place. Stephen's eyes widen when Tony waves his hand in front of Bucky's face and nothing happens, and looks at his oldest daughter.

"Unfreeze them now." He commands softly and Diana lowers her hand.

Steve and Bucky start walking again and stop on their own power in the living room, only to sense the weird tension in the air.

"What's going on?" Steve asks and Tony lets out a single laugh.

"We've just discovered another one of Diana's powers." He answers.

"I thought she could do anything Stephen could." Bucky says.

"I can't use time magic without the Time Stone." Stephen says and the other couple's eyes widen.

"She can manipulate time? To what extent?" Steve wonders.

That was a good question. Stephen disappears back into the kitchen, and then comes back with an apple and places it on the coffee table in front of Diana after asking her to move her art supplies. He asks her to move the apple forward in time, and she does so with ease, everyone watching the fruit turn into rot. Stephen then asks her to put it back the way it was, and she did. The apple was returned to its ripe and healthy glory and it had both her parents covering their mouths in bewilderment. Stephen had never heard of this happening. Then again, according to Wong, he was the first Sorcerer Supreme to actually use the baby spell.

When he asked how that was possible, Wong said the spell was written but never tested. Stephen would have to write down some warnings for that spell later, and record the fact that a baby from the spell retained the ability to manipulate time because he was wearing the Time Stone (when it existed) when he invoked the spell. That and the fact that the baby could possibly be able to use powers.

He had a lot to add to the information with that spell.

Stephen gently grabs one of Diana's hands. "Diana...you have to be very careful with time magic. Do you understand?"

"Yes."

"What you did for your sister is safe, but you can't abuse it like you can with other magic. You can't abuse any magic but I know you know that." Diana nods. "Good."

Stephen releases her hand and pulls her head forward to kiss the top of her head.

"Now that that is settled." Steve starts. "The rest of us were going to go to the park today and we wanted to know if you wanted to come."

Tony shrugs. "Sounds good. I'll tell the boys."

Stephen rolls his eyes. "I'll pack lunch."

Bucky smirks. "I'll help."

Stephen went back into the kitchen with Bucky to make a large amount of food, and with Valerie still attached to his leg while Tony went into Harley's bedroom. The family and the team found themselves at the nearest large park within the hour and Stephen barely took Valerie out of the car before she was taken from him, and he huffs fondly when Quill raises her in the air and spins in a circle making her giggle. The god falls back with a 'holy shit', but Stephen didn't worry. Quill kept Valerie safely tucked against his chest and landed on his back with a pained groan while the others stepped over or past him to find a place to lay out blankets.

"Is it bad that we don't worry when he falls with one of our kids?" Tony asks.

"Probably." Stephen says as he moves aside so Steve can grab one of the coolers out of the trunk. "But they never get hurt."

"Hey!" Quill protests loudly when Natasha takes Valerie from him.

"Papa Bear, you better help carry stuff or I won't give her back later." Natasha threatens and the god sighs.

"Women are such slave drivers--OW!" Quill groans when Wanda kicks him in the ribs.

"Spaceman, there's one more cooler. Come help!" Scott calls from one of the cars.

"Alright, alright."

Some of the others snigger as Quill gets up to help, and Diana runs off toward the swings holding Cassie's hand. Peter and Harley run off toward an open space to toss a football, and the rest help get the coolers and stuff to where the blankets have been laid out. As soon as everything is set up, Nat sits on one of the blankets with Valerie and plays with her blocks with her, and Scott runs over to the boys and intercepts Peter's throw.

"Interception! Sam!" Scott yells and throws the football to the Falcon who catches it and dodges Harley as he runs a few yards away before spiking the ball.

"Touchdown!" Sam shouts and Harley snorts as he catches up and picks up the ball.

"If that's how it's gonna be, we'll kick your ass." Harley taunts.

"Bring it on punk!"

The boys, Scott, Sam, Clint, and Quill busy themselves with a game of football, and Stephen sits back with a book. Tony lays out next to him while everyone else spreads out with their own activities and enjoy the sunny day and Stephen periodically watches Valerie go between Natasha and Laura with her toys. Cooper and Nathaniel were playing catch with a baseball nearby, Wanda and Vision joined Diana and Cassie (and Lila) at the swings, Steve was on another blanket drawing on a sketchpad with Bucky laying next to him dozing in the sunlight, and Bruce was keeping Thor out of the food.

Thor only had to wait about an hour before everyone got hungry anyway. As soon as Stephen heard the first complaint about being hungry from a child, he started making sandwiches for everyone with Bucky's help.

"Nathaniel, do you want ham or roast beef?" Stephen asks.

"How about turkey?"

Stephen looks around the picnic table and grabs the turkey. "I can do turkey. Cooper?"

"Roast beef!"

Laura gets up and helps make sandwiches as well when everyone starts to migrate back toward the blankets and hands out the preferred sandwiches. Lunch passes in laughter and the occasional thrown chip, and then they all go back to their previous activities. Except for Scott and Quill. Scott decided to take it easy and stayed on the blankets, and Quill kept him company by laying his head in the thief's lap and dozing off. He didn't even flinch when Valerie carried her blocks over to the celestial and sat next to him to play quietly.

"I can't believe she's already walking." Laura says.

"She skipped crawling." Tony informs her. Quite proudly too.

"We need to visit more often. Last time I saw her she was just starting to eat solids." Laura says.

"I think we're planning a barbeque at the cabin next weekend." Stephen replies and smirks. "We'll make your husband cook."

"I hear Quill is good at cooking over a fire." She responds and the god himself grumbles.

"Fat chance." A purr follows when Scott runs his fingers through Quill's hair.

"MOM!" Cooper yells and both Stephen and Laura look toward Cooper and Nathaniel.

The older boy was leading the younger toward the adults, and Nathaniel was holding his hand over his eye and trying extremely hard not to cry. To Stephen's minor surprise, Cooper led Nathaniel to him, so Stephen sat up from his reclined position to gently pry the younger boy's hand away from his face. The sorcerer hisses sympathetically when he finds a forming bruise over his eye but smiles softly to soothe Nathaniel.

"How did you manage this?" Stephen asks as he gently prods at the bruise, apologizing when the boy whimpers.

"The sun got in my eyes and I couldn't see the ball." Nathaniel whimpers.

"Alright. Well, nothing is broken so we'll get you all fixed up." The sorcerer says softly.

He sends some healing magic into the bruise and watches as it and the cut on it disappear and leave nothing but pale skin.

"There we go. All better."

"Thank you." The little boy smiles and Stephen returns it with a raised eyebrow and tilts his head toward one of the coolers.

"If it's okay with your mother, there are different desserts you can choose from in there."

Laura laughs when Nathaniel looks at her hopefully. "Go ahead."

Nathaniel and Cooper go over to the cooler and take their choice of dessert, and Stephen has them spread the word before they run off. Tony smiles and kisses the sorcerer's temple when he returns to his book, and Stephen sighs softly when his husband croons in his ear in Italian. Not enough to arouse the doctor, but enough to let him know he was loved and that Tony enjoyed watching his wife mother a child. Even if it wasn't theirs.

"Gross. We can understand you Dad." Peter says as he, Harley, and the others approach them.

"Only you could have heard me from that distance." Tony grunts and the teen shrugs.

"I'm guessing I should be glad." Harley figures as he goes through the dessert cooler and pulls out a couple of cookies.

"'Ley!" Valerie says quietly and reaches toward her oldest brother. "Cookie!"

Harley grins. "Yeah Val. This one's for you." He sits in front of her and hands the extra cookie to her.

"Not the whole thing cub. Give her small pieces." Stephen says and watches Harley take the cookie back and break off small pieces for Valerie to eat.

Quill sighs when the teen puts the cookie pieces on the pirate's chest. "Really dude?"

"I have my own cookie to eat!"

The celestial throws his arm over his eyes with a grunt but doesn't complain further, even when the baby slowly takes a piece of cookie off of him one by one. Everyone else came back for dessert, and most people who wanted a cookie had it thrown at them by Sam. Cookies, popsicles, ice cream, pies, and cakes were consumed happily. Thankfully Quill refrained from finding a way to eat his cake lewdly since there were children present, but a lot of them knew he was dying to eat it off Scott. He was pretty shameless if children weren't in the vicinity. Tony was no better.

"Can we come make ice cream sundaes next time we visit?" Lila asks Stephen and he chuckles.

"I think we can manage something for the barbeque next weekend."

"I'm not cooking!" Clint declares and Laura snorts.

"Too late. You and Quill have already been given the job."

"When the hell did I agree to this?!" The celestial complains.

Natasha grabs Valerie and holds her up in Quill's line of sight before pouting. "Aww...do it for the baby Papa Bear."

"Son of a…"

[sylvieusedhyperbeam]

pokemon thoughts idk

DISCLAIMER: this is just an opinion, holy hell those are a thing on the internet steve

so this is just me having collected my thoughts, because uh, i took my own advice and waited for more information - or a response from GF - in regards to decisions made with Pokemon Sword and Shield. 

and quick disclaimer numero dos, i don’t doubt that there may very well be a select few people who are taking their outrage way, way, way too far by being toxic/bullying others/sending personal insults or death threats to GF employees on twitter.  i’ve watched fandoms from the sidelines long enough to see how crazy they can get, soooo yeah.  i.  do not.  condone.  this.  nope nope nope if you’re doing that shit please stop because that crosses a ton of lines that should not be crossed, and it’s not how you voice an opinion like a civilized human being.  be civil, be reasonable, don’t be a dick.  the end.

with that out of the way, on the flip side of that coin?  just... getting a bit sick of seeing people with calm and valid criticisms of game freak’s decisions being talked down to/talked over/shot down with screams of “TOXIC/CRYBABY/SO ENTITLED!!!!” because guys, a lot of the criticisms i’ve seen are actually perfectly valid.  like, seriously, stop. 

and no, i’m not speaking from perfect neutrality here.  because no, i don’t agree with the national dex decision.  i don’t.  because i personally think the reasons we’ve been given - as well as the generic/corporate PR non-response from masuda on the matter - are overall... they leave much to be desired, let’s put it that way. 

now, i’m not an expert on technical specs and limitations, admittedly.  but i just find it difficult to believe that a console like the Switch, that can run huge games such as Skyrim, Monster Hunter World, and Breath of the Wild (all games that are infinitely more complex when it comes to animation and storage), would have a hard time accommodating every pokemon. 

that’s a lot of pokemon, yes, i am aware, but given the simplicity of the overworld as well as the rather limited range of animations for each pokemon?  yeah, between a Pokemon game with every pokemon and Skyrim, my money says that Skyrim will still be the much bigger game.  by leagues.  that’s just my take on it for the ‘technical’ reasons we were given, idk.

and as for ‘balancing the meta’, lmfao.  no, i’m not saying Game Freak can’t suddenly care about balance, that’s not what i’m saying at all, game developers can change their approach to certain aspects of their games, no problem.  but uh, if balancing meta/competitive was their sole reasoning here, there’s a... very simple solution.

just... make and enforce... rules?

make a rule for VGC that only pokes in the galar pokedex can be used in competitive. 

there.  i balanced the gen 8 meta and i did it without cutting any pokemon.  that was easy, lmao.

with my personal skepticism out of the way, i guess i’ll say that i’m a sentimental dumb with personal reasons for my disappointment, too.

because i have pokes that have been with me for years (lmao it legit makes me laugh to think that some of my treasured pokes are actually older than some children in today’s age), and i’m a bit disappointed that i might not be able to bring them with me to the Galar region.  a really good friend of mine that i got back into contact with a while back?  after getting him Ultra Moon for a late birthday present, i decided to surprise him with a shiny Treecko i bred to be on his team, because i knew Sceptile was one of his all-time favorite pokemon.  he’s in the process of trying to ‘surprise’ me with a shiny (he won’t tell me which one so i can’t say for sure if it’s galar-dex, but still :IIII ) and just... these pokemon that we exchange as gifts to one another mean a lot to both of us, cheesy as that sounds. 

so i guess we’re mutually disappointed that we might not be able to bring these little gifts we’ve given each other into the Galar region, where our friendly rivalry would continue. 

and yeah, there’s a bit of salt to be had on my end that the kanto starters will likely be in the galar dex, while all the other past-gen starters have a decent chance of just getting shafted.  it DOES burn my biscuits, just a little, because if that turns out to be the case, then just...  wow.  more pandering to gen 1 after they literally just got a pair of Yellow remakes especially for them.  okay Game Freak, we get it, you hate everyone else.  lmfao.  guess i can sit back and just pray that my serperior will be transferable, but ‘eeeey not like anyone actually likes gen 5 mons, amirite.  n_n 

...my salt kinda derailed my thoughts a little, sorry.

anyway!  guys, some pokemon mean a lot to certain people, and that’s just the bottom line.  people are allowed to be upset that they can’t bring over pokemon with sentimental value to them, lmao for fuck’s sake.  maybe some of those pokemon were on their team while they were playing the game to get through a really difficult time, and that’s why those pokemon mean so much to them.  pokemon mean different things to people, and in fact that’s a huge part of what makes pokemon appealing!!  there are different pokemon to suit different tastes!!  you like big badass dragons, you got it, you like fluffy pink puffballs that use sparkles in battle, you got it, you like living flowers/keychains/machines, you got it, you like lizard or snake children, you got it, you like big fluffy doggos, you got it, you like cats, you got it, you like spoopy ghosts, you got it, the list goes on! 

when you cut into that variety that’s been such a big selling point of the series?  yeah, just...  i don’t know, i don’t see how this isn’t going to hurt Game Freak and, in turn, hurt a franchise that i’ve come to love for a very long time. 

i’m not voicing my opinions or disappointment here because i HATE Game Freak or because i’m determined to see nothing but the BAD things about Pokemon.  it’s just the opposite!  i really love these games and the vibrant, wonderful world they’ve created and how far they’ve come!  i love the memories and friends i’ve made with these games!  i want the games to be the best they can be, and sometimes... that means tough honesty over blind devotion.  and i just can’t pretend that i’m 100% behind Game Freak in everything they do. 

tl;dr, screaming “ENTITLED CRYBABY LOL Y’ALL GROWN ASS ADULTS THROWING A TANTRUM OVER A GAAAAAAME LULZ!!!” doesn’t make people who are upset or frustrated “””see the light”””.  it just makes you look like an asshole.  people are allowed to criticize these games and the decisions that have been made with them, especially if they voice their opinion in a reasonable, civil way that doesn’t harm or invoke harassment on anyone. 

and i’m.... pretty disappointed that there are big name pokemon content creators who have apparently been mocking their own audiences for being upset about this.  lmao wow, man.  yeah, how about no and let people speak their goddamn minds without fear of being ripped apart.

in b4 “but we’re allowed to be supportive of Game Freak and we’re allowed to enjoy these games despite all the naysayers!!!”

being respectful should go

for

both

sides. 

so yeah, just speaking my mind for a bit, here.  it’s okay to disagree with each other, mang.  and hell it’s perfectly 100% okay to disagree with me!!  you don’t have to share my disappointment with these decisions, it’s all good, man.  you do you and whatever makes you happy, i still wish you the best and hope you have a great day!!

but jesus, lmao just... some folks on BOTH SIDES need to have a little respect.

peace y’all, sylvie out

[ryouverua]

Final Answer (3)

I mean, to be fair, with your track record...

1 is here / 2 is here

I... I don’t want it to be true, not just because that takes away layers of his character but also because he’s been so openly suspicious? Is that a weird way to feel?

But here he is, outright saying he’s the mastermind... in chapter 5??? Is, is this allowed - 

I’m trying to imagine the facial contortions it must take to swing so wildly from such a cute, childish face to this nightmare fuel and man, Kokichi’s cheeks must hurt.

Kokichi’s chirps are on point as usual.

Uh..... what is that....?

OH WHAT THE HELL KOKICHI

also damn what gives you the right to be so cute in this picture jeez

I... I WILL SAY... THIS IS... PRETTY COMPELLING EVIDENCE IN KOKICHI’S FAVOUR...

YEAH THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING!!!

But... but he does have the exisals??? How in the world does he have the exisals under his control otherwise???

I’M WITH YOU, SWEETCHEEKS

I’M SO TORN RIGHT NOW...

But... they did??? Shuichi confronted you about it, and you denied that it was your doing???

But you could have just denied it again, and also the exisals?!?! And hold on, why are you scolding them about not preventing more deaths??? If this is gloating, there is definitely something ringing false about it!

If - and this is still an if to me, even though the remote control bit is pretty damning - you’re the mastermind, then why would you have been egging us to doubt each other more? Sure it could be a way to sow seeds of distrust, but.... but....

DAMN that was a direct hit in the waifu

But... but why??? Why are you revealing your hand now, then??? Why would you tell us you’re the mastermind at this point? Sure you have the exisals, but if you continued to hide Monokuma that ever-growing target on your back wouldn’t be so bad! Maki’s probably going to attempt to punt you outside at this rate!

And who better to organize something with such a high degree of skill than the Ultimate Supreme Leader, is that what you’re saying? Hmm....

S... Somehow Kokichi using ‘u mad’ is even more egregious to me than this whole killing game affair.

aslkdfjsdf

Oh Kaito, if you didn’t have bad luck you’d have no luck at all.

a-also did you forget who gave those to you or -

Were you?!

Man, Kokichi, your poker face is stellar. Or faces? Maybe that’s the key - swing wildly from one act to another and you just can’t get a read on him at all! I guess if he had used one himself to get through the tunnel in the first place, he’d have a rough idea of how long they would last?

Also Kaito it, uh, didn’t really work well for you last time so please don’t punch him again. D: I really don’t think you have the strength to, at this point! Even forgetting how it went last time, you just went through an obstacle course from hell (even if you were finally well-equipped for it this time) and you literally just got up after collapsing - because you were exposed to the toxic air from the outside, which definitely irritated your lungs, which are already being ravaged by disease!

As usual, he knows exactly what to say to hit you hard right in your emotional weak points. Maybe he likes lies so much because the truth hurts...

KAITO NO THIS ISN’T A SETTING WHERE SHOUNEN ACTS OF HEROISM PREVAIL -

Then again, what the hell does he have to lose at this point if he’s most likely going to die within the next week? FUCK THOUGH I REALLY DON’T WANT HIM TO HURT HIMSELF AGAIN -

MAKI SHUICHI COULDN’T STOP HIM AREN’T YOU FASTER THAN KAITO DO SOMETHING DAMN IT

!!!! Shit!

aaah fuck, aaah you bastard, shit shit Kaito!!!!!

ARE YOU SURE?! ARE YOU ABSOLUTELY SURE?!?!

C-Can you let him go then, please??? Please?! You’ve shown us what you can do, and Kaito is really not faring well in general right now!!!

U-Uh, Maki, your hair is... doing..... something interesting there....

HOLY SHIT MAKI I THINK YOUR HAIR IS ALIVE

HER EYES, HER HAIR, HER HANDS, HER CLOTHES, HER LITERAL EVERYTHING IS SCREAMING MURDER, SHUICHI!!! THAT IS A HUGE UNDERSTATEMENT!!

I DON’T THINK SHE’S JOKING THIS TIME, SHUICHI!!!

D-Damn Shuichi... you’ve gotten stronger in all of this, at least. I imagine he wants to help Kaito too, but he understands that he’s got nothing on the five exisals, even if Maki may stand a slim chance.

And honestly? I bet Kokichi is waiting for an excuse to retaliate against Maki. He’s probably itching for revenge after being thrown around so badly by her.

Another relationship, broken...

Still as enamoured with Shuichi as ever, huh.

As happy as Shuichi would normally be about that fact, I’m pretty sure this particular victory must ring rather hollow to him.

Himiko raises a good point, actually! Exactly what do you have in mind for everyone, Mr. Mastermind? Is this where a supposed new motive comes out?

............... Huh.

Despite.... setting a rule, as Monokuma, that the killing game would end with only two people left?

Also I shouldn’t find that whole ‘sorry about that, guys’ hilarious but I do - it’s like he’s telling his friends he can’t show up to the movies a day before they were planning on going because he’s ‘not feeling up to it’, but instead of the movies it’s a damn killing game.

This....... doesn’t...... feel right, does it? Are you satisfied? Why would you be satisfied? What about this is satisfying to you?

I-Is that really the crux of the issue right now Tsumugi?!

?!?!

And with no motives being thrown their way to encourage the killings?

................................ I’m holding judgment right now.

This is Chapter 5. The ‘mastermind’ appears in plain sight, despite setting the rules of ‘until 2 people are left, the killing game will continue’, and declares the killing game over. There’s one chapter left after this. He’s telling everyone they can live or die together, but they have no obligation to him to do either. They’re free to live or die miserably if they would like to. He won’t interfere with them. The killing game is over, so that means he won’t offer motives or encourage them to kill each other anymore. And also - also, I just won’t forget this - he was negotiating with Monokuma in Chapter 4, which is something I just can’t see the real mastermind doing. I know Monokuma is supposed to be an AI, but why would the mastermind of all people need to negotiate with his avatar? Monokuma should be acting as his right hand, right? Is this just an even bigger, bolder version of him ‘confessing’ to being the culprit during all the previous trials? But if it is, why? Why would he do this? Is this his version of winning? He just wants to take absolute control of everything?

But on the other hands, how in the world does he have control of the exisals? He may have gotten his hands on the keycard, but he’s put together so much information that he shouldn’t have access to on his own - when we were searching earlier and found things like the Gopher Project files, he wasn’t with us. So how did he find out about those things, barring him already knowing it all going in aka being the mastermind as he is claiming?

You mean you want to have a hostage in case Maki tries anything, right?

Wait.... 

...

Wait, wait wait.

No, that’s an odd thing to say. What do you mean, it might start up again if he runs around? Why would it, if you’re the one in control? Kokichi, if you’re the mastermind, how could the game start up again without your ‘okay’?

......

Kokichi....

I’m just getting more and more doubtful by the minute now -

Are you lying to us right now?!

“It also happens to be one of the new areas of the game for the chapter, but I’m sure that’s just a total coincidence and totally won’t be where the next body is found!”

I’m so sorry Maki but your red-eyed glare just cannot match the sheer terror Kokichi’s troll face invokes.

I think what feels like 100 years ago I said that I’m less inclined to believe the guy who proclaims himself a liar and then also calls himself THE SUPER MOST AWFUL, TERRIFYING SUPREME LEADER OF EVIL!!! within the same breath a moment later.

I........ I don’t know. I wonder if I can apply it to this situation as well. He’s saying plenty of right things, but it’s almost like...

You know when people tell you that tone matters, and that if you say nice things to someone in a dismissive or outright awful way, your initial intent is lost? It’s like he’s doing that on purpose. The lies aren’t in the words - they’re in the execution of those words.

But still, it’s that damn exisal remote that’s throwing me off!!! Kokichi has something only the mastermind would have, and he has the power of the exisals - the mastermind - behind him! Oh, and of course, Monokuma hasn’t shown up to refute any of this, and you’d think he’d be more than happy to pop up and say something right now! I’d say he might not have the range to go this far out, but I can’t think of a reason why he wouldn’t be able to travel this far! By Monokuma not appearing, he’s basically acknowledging that this is true!

Cancelling the killing game, though? I don’t care if you’re bored - the rules were explicitly set to only have two survivors left, and if you were really determined to let humanity kill each other off, you’d let this go to the bitter end! There is something seriously screwy going on here!

“Just so you know, you’re seriously wrecking our Saiouma potential.”

“Shuichi, sweetie, does this look like the face of a guy who isn’t down for a good hate-ship? Also I have Kaito now so you know Tsumugi’s going to be writing some damn good Oumota drabbles as she cries herself to sleep tonight.”

the power of escapism is real

Kokichi’s gone. Kaito’s gone. It’s just... the five of us left. Holy crap. The only way a murder could possibly happen would be with, uh, well, Kokichi as the victim - but no one has to commit a murder at this point either, right?

But Kaito is probably on his deathbed too... a-aaah jeez, I’m really worried about him. I don’t know how he’s going to get out alive from this.

Actually, for that matter, if we’ve got almost all the answers - and I feel like there’s a bit missing still, but we’re nearly there - what in the world could even happen from now on? Where is there to go from here, when there’s nothing left to even fight for? Everyone is dead! And their mission completely failed! Seriously, what is even the point of doing anything now, except living on quietly until they die?

And man, I’m suspicious as hell about Kokichi’s declaration of culpability but honestly, that could still just be me being stubborn. This entire affair could easily end with Kaito winding up dead, and everyone having to overthrow Kokichi next chapter. Having the villain announce himself a chapter earlier... well, that would be a twist in a DR game - but what does that leave for the next chapter? if someone says despair one more time I will end them

[vrenaewrites]

Songs of Accidental Evils: Fina.

Last year, I did a series on this blog where I talked about the playlist behind my first book, CIVIL BLOOD. I got a lot of good feedback from that and people overwhelmingly wanted me to do it again for the sequel, ACCIDENTAL EVILS. This book has a much darker tone, and its playlist was easily split into three parts: the general vibe of the book, songs related to River (the male MC), and songs related to Fina (the female MC).

no particular order, these are the songs related to Fina’s arc. If you don’t care for an explanation and just wanna hear the songs, here’s a link to the part 3 playlist!

1/23 blog: AE Playlist Part 3. Fina’s songs.

1. Never Again - Kelly Clarkson.

This is THE song to scream in your car after you have a breakup. “Give me that Sunday school answer, repent yourself away.”

2. Harder To Breathe – Maroon 5.

All about how you want to make someone pay for how they did you dirty. And boy does Fina make some people pay. “I have the tendency of getting very physical, so watch your step cause if I do you’ll need a miracle.”

3. Gasoline – Halsey.

A song about losing your shit. “Pointing fingers cause you’ll never take the blame like me?”

4. Roses – Meg and Dia.

I don’t know why this song makes me think of Fina or what it has to do with her story but it invoked some weird feelings in me which really influenced Fina’s actions in this book.

5. Ignorance - Paramore.

Fina’s middle finger to River and Papa both. “You treat me just like another stranger. Well it’s nice to meet you sir, I guess I’ll go. I best be on my way out. This is the best thing that could’ve happened, any longer and I wouldn’t have made it. It’s not a war no, it’s not a rapture. I’m just a person, but you can’t take it.”

6. Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac.

An entire subplot about Fina learning dream magic was cut for time but this song’s influence is still seen throughout her story. “I’ll follow you down til the sound of my voice will haunt you. You’ll never get away from the sound of the woman who loves you.”

7. Stop Draggin My Heart Around - Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty.

Now THIS is a duet. Full of little jabs and snark and ache. “It’s hard to think about what you wanted. It’s hard to think about what you lost. This doesn’t have to be the big get-even. This doesn’t have to be anything at all.”

8. Octahate - Ryn Weaver.

Underrated as hell. All about the aftermath of a doomed romance and how a person can wreck you. “From the day I saw my heart start breaking, no one saved me.”

9. DLZ - TV On the Radio.

This is Fina’s theme song. Coming completely off the rails, being full of retribution for one person or entity, and the way rage can sneak up on you and completely warp you fundamentally. “This is beginning to feel like the bolt busted loose from the lever.”

10. For a Pessimist, I’m Pretty Optimistic – Paramore.

Fina is the queen of being let down by...well, by anyone and everyone, actually. “I put my faith in you, so much faith and then you just threw it away.”

11. Saint Cecelia – The Foo Fighters.

My saint Cecelia. Spoilers.

12. Maneater - Nelly Furtado.

The outside prom confrontation scene. Spoilers.

13. That’s What You Get - Paramore.

Wow Paramore also helped write this book. The lessons you learn from getting hurt. “Take a seat we’re settling the final score.”

14. Turn Off the Light (Acoustic) - Nelly Furtado.

Isolation central. “There’s an achin inside my head, it’s tellin me you’re better off alone.”

15. Who Did That To You - John Legend.

One word: Justice. “Call the police, call the coroner, call up your priest, have ‘em warn ya. Won’t be no peace when I find that fool.”

16. Let it Burn - ZZ Ward.

Ever wanted to burn that shit down? This is the song for that. Badass woman doing badass things. “Out of control see, I’m gonna blow up your spot. You lit the spark, now you ain’t stopping this flame. You rolled the dice, now I’m bout to murder this game.”

17. Seven Nation Army - Postmodern Jukebox.

This is what Fina thinks her MO is. Righteous vengeance. Spoiler alert: it sort of is? But mostly isn’t. And this cover is SUPERB.

18. I Did Something Bad - Taylor Swift.

This IS Fina’s MO. Less righteous, more vengeful. “I can feel the flames on my skin, crimson red paint on my lips. If a man talks shit then I owe him nothin. I don’t regret it one bit cause he had it comin.”

19. Trouble - Taylor Swift.

“He was long gone when he met me and I realize the joke is on me. Cause I knew you were trouble when you walked in, so shame on me.” Same vein as Octahate. Should have known better and now I’m the fool.

20. Pot Kettle Black - Tilly and the Wall.

Ivy and Autumn’s whole “garbage” exchange with Fina came right from this song. “The trash washes up to shore even in this landlocked place.”

21. Are You Bad? - Glitter Mini 9.

“I’ve got an ashtray for a heart, I’ve got a trash can for a mouth.” Act 3 Fina, all the way.

22. Favorite Transgressions - Sleigh Bells.

Also act 3 Fina in a BIG way. “My past is littered with the bones of men who were fools enough to sleep on me.” Do not fuck with Act 3 Fina y’all. Don’t fuck win Fina in general, actually. We know that by now, I think.

23. The Way I Do - Bishop Briggs.

Song full of longing and rejection. “You will never know my love. You will never feel the way I do.”

24. Favorite Color is Blue - Robert DeLong & K. Flay.

Man I love this song. A downward spiral into straight chaos. Feeling like a stranger in your own home. Living a lie. Being strung out and messed up.

25. Prayer in C - Lily Wood and The Prick.

Fina’s after song. “Don’t think I could forgive you.” Enough said.

26. Six Feet Under - Billie Eilish.

This is Fina’s after the after song. “If our grave was watered by the rain, would roses bloom?”

27. Seven Devils - Florence and the Machine.

This is Fina’s “Carrie” moment. Spoilers. “Holy water cannot help you now. See, I’ve come to burn your kingdom down. And no rivers and no lakes can put the fire out. I’m gonna raise the stakes, I’m gonna smoke you out.”

28. Figures - Jessie Reyez.

Act I Fina. “I wish I could hurt you back. Love, what would you do if you couldn’t get me back?”

29. Pardon Me - Incubus.

A song about being sick of the world and the people in it, and wanting to just combust. That’s Fina all the time but especially in this book.

30. Blood in the Cut - K. Flay.

Badass song about being messed up and dangerous and unable to handle your own thoughts. “Take my head and kick it in, break some bread for all my sins. Say a word, do it soon. It’s too quiet in this room.”

31. Beautiful Disaster - 311.

“Today seems like a good day to burn a bridge or two” is basically Fina’s slogan.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

PLEASE TELL THE CHILDREN THE STORY OF MS. STUBELS

Grace fuck, why would you invoke her name like that???

Okay, fine, gather round children, buckle up because we’re going on a bumpy ride back to everyone’s collective least favorite place: 7th grade.

Some background: I went to a very small Catholic school. One class per grade (we were the largest with 19 kids), everyone knew each other whether they wanted to or not. Despite basically every teacher and faculty members insistence that we were The Best And Most Special Class In The School and that everyone loved having us, the longstanding 7th grade teacher Mrs. O’Hara decided to retire in the summer of 2008, meaning the school had to find us a new teacher for the upcoming year. This would be like, the first new teacher in the school in a while, and as she was getting the ‘best class’, it was viewed as a Big Deal. Somewhere in like July or August we got a letter announcing Mrs. Stubel, and it came with a list of books to pick for the summer reading, and that was basically all the information we had.

So…the first day of class. She seems nice enough. Very…ditsy, I guess? It was very easy for her to get herself off topic while talking. She constantly paced around the room, never staying in one spot for longer than a second, complaining she has restless leg syndrome. Which like, I’m sure she did, but she was in the middle of introducing herself and then went on a 20 minute tangent about restless leg syndrome without anyone prompting her. It was almost like you could see her scattered thoughts flying around her head.

So anyone, she eventually gives somewhat of an introduction- she had only taught in public schools before, and kept worrying she ‘didn’t know’ how to teach in a Catholic school despite the entire class insisting literally nothing was different, you just teach the curriculum, twice a week we have religion class with Sister Mary King, that’s literally it (she still talked over us in worry), she told us about her kids, she told us about her obsession with Emily Dickinson, stuff like that.

And then she hands us this worksheet.

She’s like, “Oh, these are just some basic questions for you to answer! Just so I can get to know you guys better!” like in lieu of an icebreaker game, which is fine, but…the questions. The questions were all “What is your most haunting fear?”, “What is your deepest regret?”, “Have you ever experienced the pain of loss?”, “What was your worst injury?”, “What was your worst nightmare?”, all questions like that, and then on the back she wanted us to draw a gravestone and write out what we wanted our epitaph to be.

We were twelve year olds, mind you.

Oh my God and one girl missed the first day because of her grandmother’s funeral, so when she came the next day and saw what the teacher was insisting she do for homework, she almost had a panic attack? And the lady still made her do it? Literally who wants to think about death anymore at a time like that omfg.

Okay, so then we get to the summer reading book reports, right? Now, she had given a list of maybe, 20 books that you could pick from, read it, and then present an oral report on it. You had to have notecards and you had to be able to answer questions from the class at the end. All in all, I’ve had worse projects.

So, on this list, she apparently put Madeleine L’Engle’s entire book series on the list…only she did not make it known that this was a series and not multiple stand alone books, so when reports started up it caused mass-panic of kids trying to put together plot points and make connections on what the hell they had read.

I was the only kid in the class who had chosen to read “A Wrinkle In Time”, and that has since lead to a series of events that…really actually scares me, I’m still incredibly freaked out, I’m not going to get into it right now because it’ll take away from the current story, but just know that I’m not above wondering if it only happened because I read the book for Stubel.

Anyway, so like, I got through the report okay. The class asking questions about it was fine, but the teacher kept asking questions that didn’t make sense, like, at all. My friend Angie has always had super neat handwriting and Mrs. Stubel got like, obsessed with her notecards and asked if she could borrow them for something. When we got our grades back a few weeks later, Angie had points taken off for not having notecards.

And then her teaching just…didn’t happen. She’d never stay on a topic, she’d always get herself distracted! We were not learning anything. And like, this wasn’t a class of advanced smart kids that loved to learn. By all accounts we should’ve been thrilled. But it got out of hand. It got to points where we had to start teaching lessons to ourselves, asking teacher from other grades for help, always coming home in tears, complaining constantly to our parents and the principal because this woman wasn’t teaching us anything. There were two kids who asked her multiple times for extra help, and she told them each time to ‘talk to me after school’, but then she’d leave immediately after school so they wouldn’t be able to talk to her. They finally brought up the issue in the middle of class and she had a breakdown, yelling about how nobody ever thinks that maybe the teacher has a lot of work to do, and maybe she’s entitled to taking off early, but when we tried to argue she shouldn’t schedule meetings and then break them off in the name of relaxation, she stormed out of the room and tried to get the principal to give us detention. (Which, like, our school didn’t even do, and she was the only one in the wrong during this situation) We are still in September at this point, and already at least ten kids have parents considering transferring them to another school. (And remember, there was only 19 of us, and most of the class had been together since preschool, so that was a big deal).

Then, she starts coming in with all the weird bruises. All the Moms™ immediately started gossiping that her husband had to be beating her, and that’s why she was so screwy in the head. But the way she talked about her husband made it seem like he *might* be dead, and we actually did witness her fall and smack her head into a doorknob once, so no one really knew what to believe. (Also, I’m not trying to imply that abuse would make someone crazy or ‘damaged’ or anything, this is just what was being said. I think they were trying to turn her into a more sympathetic character, because if you feel sorry for her you don’t have to hate her for frustrating your kids so much, and Hate Is A Bad Emotion.)

Also…this woman and Emily Dickinson.

She talked about Emily Dickinson every chance she could get. None of us knew who Emily Dickinson really was before she got there and you could see in her mind it was a capitol offense. She found out the curriculum didn’t have room to cover her (because like, we had a text book), and was way too upset about it. She started reading her poems whenever she found the time (usually somewhere in history class), and always gave us very detailed accounts about her dressing up as Emily and reading her poetry at the library.

Now, two things to note here:

The library did not hire her to do this. She would literally just get in the mood, put on an Emily Dickinson costume that she made by herself, drive to different libraries, and just read poetry out loud to everyone there until someone eventually asked her to leave.

The way she described these events…her tone, the look on her face, her posture…you could just tell that she was getting some sort of sexual gratification out of this? Like dressing up as Emily Dickinson in public and reading her sad poems is really what got this lady’s jollies rocking? Got her all hot and bothered? Which is…a lot, but why would you tell a bunch of seventh graders about it holy shit. What about that sounds like a good idea! What about that turns you back on!

So anyway, we learned a lot about Emily Dickinson against our will.

One of the Davids™ was reading a book for pleasure- which shouldn’t have been a shocker, a lot of kids always had books on them, but Stubel got really interested and asked if she could borrow it from him. He was like ‘sure, after I finish it?’ but she took it that day. He asked her for it back for like five weeks straight.

And…the strudels.

Okay, so the school was trying some dorky thing to promote ~togetherness~ or some virtue or something, I don’t remember the specifics of why, but each class had to make a huge themed poster and hang it on the wall outside the classroom. Which was like, whatever, not the most thrilling project but at least it allowed us to be productive vs just sitting there as the teacher runs about the room rambling about her family vacation from four years ago. Mrs. Stubel decided we needed a quirky nickname and after like three days of deliberation we were christened “Stubel’s Special Strudels”!

(points for alliteration or whatever, but no one actually voted for that and what exactly do strudels have to do with Catholicism? It became a big running joke amongst the kids)

Also, in case you were wondering, she didn’t explain the assignment correctly to us- so every other class had like these beautiful, artistic, well-themed and put together posters, while ours was just…literally a bunch of shit thrown together on paper. Nothing fit with each other, it was literally embarrassing to look at.

But then…she wouldn’t drop the strudel thing. Like she kept bringing it up. She got really into strudels and would just tell us random shit about them. Finally, someone jokes that we should get strudels one day for a party (like instead of a pizza party), and she’s Freaking Out and On Board. She really wants to buy us strudels and have a breakfast party now. She talked about it for like two days straight.

So like… you know in school when you would have a pizza party, usually the teacher would buy it? That’s how they always happened in my experience (not counting the last day of 10th grade when some kid had pizza delivered to the school for lunch but it didn’t get there until math class lol). But especially in grade school? Like if it wasn’t a PTA made party that’s super organized, the school would buy the food, right? Right?

Yeah, so she was like, if this is happening you guys need to give me the money. Just give me the money and then I’ll pick them up on my way to work!! And after some arguing some kids are on board. Strudels should only cost a couple dollars right?

And she’s like, oh no, I’m gonna get them from this high end bakery near my house so it’ll be special, but they’re not cheap and it’ll be a big order! I’m gonna need like fifteen dollars from each of you!

And at this point I’m just like…lady. Come on. 

But she keeps insisting. She’s not gonna go until every student in class pays up.

And I’m like…I’m poor. I don’t even like strudel.  And some of the less-naïve kids are siding with me.

And then she pulls that “you guys are just spoiling all the fun for your classmates” shit, like the naïve kids who already paid up, so it gets to the point where we just gotta cave and give her the money.

(I ended up stealing it out of my Crazy Bitch Aunt’s wallet so it’s whatever, I guess.)

And then of course, shockingly enough, every morning she was met with “where are the strudels?” and every morning she went wide eyed, slapped her forehead and yelled in embarrassed horror “I totally forgot! Tomorrow, guys, I promise!”

Honestly, with how scatterbrained and confused she always was…like to this day I can’t tell you with 100% certainty whether she hustled us or was just actually forgetting about the damn pastries, I choose to lean towards the hustled us side because that’s just the type of people I’m used to, but if I found out it was innocent forgetfulness I wouldn’t exactly be surprised.

She couldn’t handle more than one person talking at a time. Like, we’d have break periods, or group work, or something and all the talking made her go wide-eyed and batty. She’d look overworked and anxious and would be darting around the room trying to do work or something but she couldn’t focus and she’d yell at anyone who tried to talk to her directly. I remember one time she was using this boys desk for something so he asked “where am I supposed to sit?” and she snapped “Sit on the ceiling for all I care!”. And this kid was the Class Clown™ , so he immediately grabbed a chair in one hand and started climbing the bookcase to try and reach the ceiling. She’s standing right next to this and doesn’t even notice. He got all four chair legs planted on the ceiling and was trying to somehow maneuver his way into the chair (I really don’t know what the plan was exactly- he was really tall and it was a small building, so I think he probably had the idea that if he can get his body upside down and in the chair, and stretch out his arms like a hand-stand to hold onto bookcase, he could arguably sit on the ceiling.) but he slipped. Crashed into my desk and the two desks next to me, knocked over the book case, broke the chair in half and hit the desks with enough force to knock them down lower. It was hilarious. Everyone was loosing their shit cracking up (he was fine) and it still took Stubel like five minutes to notice his lying out across the desks right in front of her eyes. She was pissed but how did she miss any of it in the first place? She was barely being helpful in whatever it was she was trying to do.

This was the year the Phillies were going to the World Series, and all the grades were having a Phillies Rally in the cafeteria so a news crew was coming to the school and each class was supposed to come up with fun little cheers for them to broadcast. Multiple cheer ideas were presented to her and she vetoed all of them, someone even suggested just singing the damn eagles theme song with replaced words and calling it a day but she vetoed that too, she was very adamant that she could come up with a cheer all by herself and it’ll be the best one (whoever had the best cheer was winning like an ice cream day or something idk). And then like…literally five minutes before the rally she just hands us signs with the letters and was like ‘we’re just gonna spell out Phillies it will be cute won’t it my strudels???’. We were the weakest class there, predictably. I think we lost to the kindergarteners. There might still be a video online of me yelling “ i “ passionately at the top of my lungs. It was online bc our cheer was so bland the news crew cut it out of the broadcast.

I literally can’t say enough about how she never taught us anything. She’d be going on some tangent about how she doesn’t understand the science behind skiing, and I’d be like “Okay yes but please can you just tell me where Romania is on a map???” And she’d start fights whenever someone actually wanted to learn. It was so easy to get her angry but so hard for her to stay on topic. Kids started teaching the class themselves! Like seriously, she’d be rambling and one of us would just go up to the podium, open the teacher’s guide textbook and just start reading out loud and talking over her. By the time she noticed we’d be halfway through a lesson. And we understood it better than when she tried! You know something’s wrong when pre-teens are more qualified for a job than an adult who supposedly went to school for this.

We were in the church having run-throughs for our upcoming Confirmation and she almost set the church on fire…fifteen different times. In less than half an hour. How hard is it to hold a candle?

Okay, and here’s when stuff starts kicking up. It was October 28th, a Tuesday, and it was our last day of school that week because they were having parent-teacher conferences the rest of the week. So we were just hanging out, watching movies in class and reading (lord knows we weren’t learning), and Stubel calls me over to her desk.

So like, she had given everyone little bags with candy for Halloween, but I get up there and she hands me an extra one. And she’s like “Molly I know your birthday is tomorrow and I bought you a present but I left it on my coffee table this morning by accident! So just have the candy for now!”

And I’m like….”Ma’am I’m like, the sixth birthday this year. You didn’t give anyone else presents?”

And she goes “Oh, I know but this is a special secret surprise. I just know you’re gonna love it! Do you wanna stop by my house later this week to pick it up or should I just give it to you Monday after school?”

And like…In writing this sounds like a non-threatening exchange, and like, it was, but I felt so uncomfortable holy shit. I’m looking over my shoulder and shooting my friends SOS signals. Something about this felt so weird in my gut omfg. I told her thanks and I’d just see her Monday.

So we flash forward to Wednesday- my 13th birthday, the day the Phillies won the world series, and also the day my mother innocently strolled into the school for her meeting only to be met with screaming, the sound of heavy destruction, and the school secretary Mrs. Daily running at her in a panic, waving her arms and yelling “YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED YOUR MEETING IS CANCELLED GET IN MY OFFICE NOW!”

So my poor mother, who thought she could handle this whole meeting in a few minutes and barely be an hour late for work, is now barricaded in the front office with the school secretary, as the noises from down the hall get louder and louder. The woman explains that they had gotten so many complaints about Mrs. Stubel that this morning, when she got to the school, the principal Sister Patricia called her in and said “Listen, we need you to be professional and still have the parent conferences, but we have to let you go. We just don’t think you fit in well here, and the kids need to come first and feel comfortable in their school.” and like, I’m paraphrasing because I wasn’t there, but we all know she was very polite and professional about it.

Mrs. Stubel, however…was not.

She flipped her chair and stormed out of the office, and locks herself in the seventh grade classroom. She started wrecking the shit out of that place, screaming obscenities and the top of her lungs, they had to call the cops on her! She was locked in there for almost an hour! And let me just give you a nice little list of everything she did in that classroom:

Smashed three windows.

Threw everything off her desk and carved swear words all over it.

Got cleaning fluid that she knew would damage the chalk boards, smeared it all over.

Cracked the chalk boards by repeatedly smashing chairs against them.

Wrote swear words all over the walls and on desks

Went into students desks, ripped up their books.

Stole my glasses. (which were in my desk bc I only used them in class at the time)

Threw some desks around.

Carved swear words into the boards. (there was so much carving I’m assuming she just had a knife on her person, which has to lead to the question, did she have a knife on her while she was in class with us?)

Physically ripped the hooks to hang backpacks on out of the wall.

Knocked the closet door off it’s hinges.

Ripped up all the books in the bookcases and threw their pages all around the room.

Wrote lewd phrases inside student’s desks.

Broke multiple chairs.

Used her podium as a battering ram against the wall that’s in front of where the backpacks go. (the wall won but Damage Was Inflicted)

Set a fire in the trash can.

When the principal and other teachers started trying to get in, she tossed her rolling chair at the door to scare them off.

She was screaming curse words at the top of her lungs the entire time, and cursing the school and the kids and the principal and the church in general, and the school building was small, so all the parents and the smaller children that had to come to the meetings (who were locked in their respective classrooms in fear) heard everything.

So much more? But it’s 4:30 in this morning and this list is already long.

So my mom is in the front office and deadass the

entire police force

shows up, running down the hallway to the classroom yelling at her to stop, and it takes a while for them to get her out holy shit. They knocked down the door and she tried to escape out of one of the broken windows! But they got her and dragged her out.

So of course, in such a small school with very involved parents this shit spread like wildfire. The entire town knew within the day. The poor principal called the newly retired old-seventh grade teacher and was like “So we…need some help” and the lady was like “I already heard I’ll be there Monday” omfg. I remember I got a text from one of my classmates saying “if your birthday wish was for us to be set free from the beast I love you” omfg.

So, we eventually go back to school on Monday and everyone’s buzzing. The principal has us go to the cafeteria and she ‘delicately’ explains the situation, and that the old teacher is coming out of retirement for us, the school has a restraining order against Mrs. Stubel now and that she’s sorry we had to deal with this mess. Our classroom had to go under some heavy reconstruction before we could be let back in there, so for like two weeks we alternated between the cafeteria and the preschooler’s classroom, we had no books or anything, just provided loose-leaf paper and pens. It was like, surreal, but everyone was just so happy to be rid of her and to be in the presence of a competent teacher omfg. We eventually were able to get back into our usual classroom.

It took a while for things to go completely back to normal, though. After the big spectacle she made, for weeks after she was fired we were all very scared of the possibility of Mrs. Stubel returning to the school with a gun in hand. It was always a topic we whispered about at lunch with wide eyes and shivers. Like…genuine nightmare scenario.

About two weeks after she was fired, a boy in the back of the classroom gasped loudly during SSR, and when we all looked at him, he whispered in anger “She never gave us our freakin’ strudels!”

About three months after she was fired, we were lined up at the door to go to Library when a few of us looked through the windows and saw something darting through the trees. It was fast and we couldn’t make anything out, so we let it drop. When the class and teacher returned half and hour later, the book she had borrowed months before from one of the boys was sitting on his desk. It was just laying there, the room was silent, nothing had been disturbed…but I have never seen a book look so threatening. People were freaking out. Someone kept insisting that she turned the book into a bomb. No one figure out how she got in the school, and no one could figure out how she got it on the right desk, as we had switched the seating arrangement since she had last been there.  

A full six months after she had left, it was nearing the end of the school year and our class was dicking around during our last computer class. Someone found a website (that we weren’t allowed to be on) that pulls up any police records attached to whoever’s name you enter, so someone decided to search Mrs. Stubel as a joke. We ended up finding out she had like six DUI’s.

Aaaaand that’s the story of the horrendous teacher I had for two months in 7th grade. One of my favorite party stories but tbh she still haunts me™ .

[xxxdragonfucker69xxx]

wizoner's dilemma

a high fantasy epic fantasy game that uses dice pools, about magicians on floating islands as seen through Abrahamic mythology

-robotvance

-Jonathan Dragonfucker

Generally, Nabushezibanni found that the most embarrassing part of being a sorcerer in Babylon was asking the local demons to serve him as familiars. In Eastern Anatolia, such creatures had acquiesced instantly, eager to gain any foothold in his soul. In Babylon, however, he constantly felt as if they rather looked down on him–that taking the time to corrupt Nabushezibanni would simply upset their rather full social calendars.

-Michael Kay, The Hanging Gardens

-Jenna Moran, Nobilis

The world was a world, once. There were mountains and cities and gardens and potholes in roads. They’re gone, now, because of people like you.

You are a magician: an heir to unimaginable power. You live in your own world: some island, some remnant of the world that was, some bastion against the sea of chaos in which you now float. Maybe you are the last living person you know. Maybe you live in a charming town, the heads of the mannequin-villagers concave masks when seen from behind. Maybe, against all odds, you manage to share the world with another magician.

Not likely, though.

Likelier that you spend your time plotting and scheming. The world is harsh and hostile – literally, yes, because of Chaos at your doorstep and demons beyond the walls – but also in the way that all worlds have ever been hostile, in that the time between meeting someone and being stabbed in the back is measured in days or hours. In that the only defense against betrayal is to betray first.

This is why the world ended.

There are some schools of magic: Sorcery, Enchantment, Evocation, Conjuration. Divide 7 points among them.

Sorcery is concerned with Fate, with fortune, luck, destiny, doom. Sorcerous rituals often involve traditional methods of divination, which include any random element (palm nuts, yarrow sticks, the entrails of a goat). Use Sorcery to

Prophesy a particular death or misfortune

Curse someone with bad luck

Foresee the bad things that will happen to you

Divine the intentions or location of another

Query the cosmos about a mystery.

Enchantment is about minds and hearts and souls and dreams. It is often expressed through song and art. Use Enchantment to

Enthrall someone into your service (another magician will contest with their own magic)

Hypnotize someone to sleep, and walk through their dreams

Infect a whole population with an emotion or attitude

See someone’s memories, and change them if you want.

Evocation is the art of creation, of calling forth the world from nothing, of shaping Chaos. Spells of evocation are flashy and dramatic, full of sound and fury. Use Evocation to

Create an extension of your world, increasing its area or otherwise adding to its landscape

Form a catastrophe, anything from a living earthquake to a storm of fire and glass, and set it upon another

Build a whole new world from Chaos

Shake the foundations of the universe.

Conjuration is the way of binding spirits: the shades of the dead, the memories of angels, or most often demons from Chaos. Set the correct altar, make the correct sacrifice, and invoke the correct names. Use Conjuration to

Summon the ghost of someone particular, and question them

Call up an army: of zombies, monsters, or worse

Create and bind a specific demon for your specific needs

Subvert the binding upon another spirit, freeing it or binding it to your own will

Bind a demon or angel to serve at a specific task, not to be freed until that task is finished (never, if it’s something like ‘guard my island’ or ‘hold up my bridge’).

You own a world. Describe it. Is it very like the memories of the world before the war? Does it have life in it? Does it have people, or things that act like people, in it? Does the sun rise and set? Have you remade the moon? Is it perhaps five days wide, no matter how fast you travel? Is it perhaps unbearably deep, atop ruins of civilizations that never existed? You may later, if you choose, amend this world by magic, so don’t sweat it too badly.

The default unit of time is a season, even though the actual length of a season can vary wildly from world to world. Play proceeds in turns, visiting each player a couple of times over the course of a season as they describe assembling their new magic or otherwise preparing for the final ritual. Over the course of that season you come up with a new working and unleash it on the universe, on your own world or on another. If you suspect that another magician intends to attack your own, you can set up a defense that will take place just before the threat arrives: if you have provoked a master of Evocation and fear her wrath, you can build an army of enormous statues to hold back the flood she is sure to send. If you successfully attack another magician, you gain and they lose a point of mana: equal parts mystic potence and social status. If you know that you cannot resist another magician, you may spend a point of mana to bolster your defenses with another school: inhabit those statues with bound demons to add your Evocation and Conjuration together. You still lose mana this way, but at least the attacker won’t gain any unless they manage to still overpower you somehow. If they still manage to, you can build on the previous season’s defenses with your next working.

Not every working has to be in preparation for war, of course. You can simply try to build your own paradise. But every such working is a wasted opportunity to fight for mana, and if you build too beautiful a world someone else will simply kill you and take it.

Every year, all the magicians remaining journey to the Tower of the Sun where Martael binds them to neutrality, and they partake in the Years Feast. No magic may be performed at this time, on pain of annihilation or censure. During this time the magicians bicker, gossip, and preen. They make alliances and they make enemies, but it has been a long time since anyone was foolish enough to try making friends. Those with the most mana are granted the highest social status, and those with the least may be forced to sit near the servants (though they still bask in untold luxuries). Magicians are capable of bending the world to their whim, and little can touch them; for many, humiliation at the Years Feast is the worst injury imaginable.

[SIDEBAR: Teamwork Makes the Dream Work]

No, it doesn’t.

How can a group of PCs play this in a cooperative mode? What is the goal of this game, the best possible outcome? Let me be clear: there is none. This is a game about people at their pettiest, not their best and not even their worst. Play will continue until you get fed up with yourselves and each other. Nothing good will come of this.

But if you really want the PCs to play nice together, there are some options. First is that you can live in a shared world: pillars of the four elements at the poles of the world, or some other such element. In such a scenario all the PCs are required for the wellbeing of that world, and will not destroy each other; they may even pretend to like each other. Second is that some other, more powerful magician has arisen in a far land, a star in the west. This new power threatens to destroy them all if they do not cooperate. If you want, it doesn’t even have to be a magician; it can simply be an unspeakably powerful demon, named by some foolish amateur and free to destroy all ordered things.

But by default? This game doesn’t mean anything. It will not help express any emotions. It is simply an avenue for some friends to come up with cool curses and dumb shit to do to each other, and do those things.

[SIDEBAR: This Isn’t Artsy Enough]

If you want, you can even decide that the theme of this game – the pettiness and pointlessness of human spite – is dumb and uninteresting and you want to invert it. Maybe you actually live in the last normal remnants of Earth, and you are trying furiously to hold the Chaos and the demons and the evil magicians at bay.

Maybe you want this game to give you emotions.

If that’s so, I’ll add another rule. Well, not a rule, because you don’t have to follow it. Another option.

Usually, when attention comes to a magician during the course of a season, that magician is getting ready to do magic. They are memorizing the myriad names of the dead, or negotiating with the devil, or rearranging the stars in auspicious patterns. But, if you want to be nice about it, you can be doing something else instead. Rather than being a magician, you can be a human being.

Walk down the docks, and don’t even go dressed as a magician; go as an old man, and talk to the fruit-sellers heart-to-heart. Sit on a hill and look at the sky. Take tea with your friends. Revel in beauty. Rejoice in what you have made; be glad, for it is good.

If someone emotes a moment that is so touching, so true, that it grabs everyone; or if, at the Years Feast, you think back to a moment that has managed to stay with you; if someone gives you emotions, like, really good? They can have an extra point of mana. They squeezed it from the world, they grasped the imperishable flame that makes things good and real and holy. What’s left of it, anyways. In such a mode, life is no longer a zero-sum game. You can get better. You can make the world bigger. You can make the world whole again.

as i have remarked this is basically the perfect opposite of a witchs ladder game, i got to the end and it was actually paining me that there ws no avenue for emotional expression

my first robotvance game, im so proud of my beautiful child

i got really jenna moran near the end due to reading a bunch of chuubos for chuubos marvelous wizardry engine

im actually quite happy with how this turned out, it needs firming up but i think its a good first draft

please let me know if you think of an actual good name for this

[amorremanet]

Lucy for the oc meme if you're still doing it :)

oc profiles meme!

*facepalms @ me* I apparently really suck at remembering to fill in my placeholders before clicking post because I get too excited about clicking “post,” this is the second time that’s happened

Full Name: Lucia Raven Murphy.

Lucy is one of my kids who got stuck having a Significant Name in universe, because unfortunately for her, her parents liked significant names. (Not quite as much as Sebastian’s entire family, but… it’s kinda hard to top them without getting into, “James Sirius, Albus Severus, and Lily Luna” territory.)

Anyway. Lucy’s parents picked, “Lucia” for Saint Lucia of Syracuse, one of the early Christian female martyrs who went, “Mmm, pass” at the non-Christian dude she was betrothed to because of Jesus reasons and wound up getting killed for it, who is traditionally invoked against blindness and eye disease, but also against, “spiritual blindness” because the Catholic Church loves playing on concepts like that — one of the things I remember from Sunday school basically went, “Saint Lucy lost her sight but it gave her better insight into spiritual matters because of Jesus.”

One of Saint Lucia’s other claims to fame is that Dante invoked her throughout the Divine Comedy, and she was one of the saints in Heaven whom Beatrice went to in search of help to go save Dante’s self-insert from himself. This reference was 500% intentional, on the part of Lucy’s Mom.

And the in-universe significance of, “Raven” is that it was one of her Grandmothers’ middle names, but the meta significance is that I meant to use Mystique’s given name as a placeholder until I found a different middle name for Lucy, but then I really liked how, “Lucia Raven Murphy” rolled off the tongue and had to make up an in-character reason for it because Lucy’s parents were big on significantly significant names.

They named her big brother Damian Alexander Murphy, after one of his grandfathers (Grandpa Alex is one of Damian’s least favorite family members) and the Saint Damian of the brother pair, Saints Cosmas and Damian, the Holy Unmercernaries, who are traditionally invoked by physicians, pharmacists, surgeons, apothecaries, and veterinarians, and for protection against pestilence and plague.

Damian has still not lived down the fact that he got the, “we want our kid to go to medical school” name, but Lucy is the one who actually wanted that, herself. (Not that she wound up going down the med school track, but she did consider it very seriously and for a couple years before deciding that she liked the sound of public health advocacy better.)

Gender and Sexuality: Cis girl. // Lesbian.

Pronouns: She/Her/Hers.

Species/Race & Ethnicity: Human (mutant). // White, and if you ask her, she will claim to have no idea what her background is beyond, “I don’t know? White?”

She does this specifically because it annoys her parents and the one uncle who happens to be a priest. Lucy knows damn well that her family is mostly Irish.

Birthplace and Birthdate: November 21st, 1992. // Baltimore, MD.

Guilty Pleasures: Lucy would tell you that she doesn’t have guilty pleasures because, as part of her project of giving the Catholic church a massive, “Fuck you” for a laundry list of reasons, she does not believe in guilty pleasures. Sadly, and unfortunately for her, the Catholic guilt is not actually that easy to shake, and Lucy definitely has guilty pleasures.

Just, for her, they’re usually guilty pleasures because she feels like she’s supposed to be, “above” this or “better than” this, or she’s not supposed to like these things because she’s an adult now, right? And these are kid stuff things, so she shouldn’t be liking them anymore.

For an incomplete list: the High School Musical movies.

Scooby Doo cartoons. All of them. Even the ones that heavily feature Scrappy Doo. Even A Pup Named Scooby Doo.

Carnival games. Lucy knows damn well that they’re rigged, but they get her almost every time, because dkffjfh, she’s REALLY going to get it this time, okay.

Similarly: skill cranes.

You know the episode of Spongebob where Squidward gets obsessed with playing the skill crane and ends up giving Mr. Krabs everything he has, in exchange for more quarters, so he can play the skill crane, and drives himself into the ground with it?

Yeah, that’s why Lucy isn’t allowed to play skill cranes

Because there is precedent that suggests that she could all too easily end up doing essentially that

The old Gameboy Color that she used to steal from Damian, because it was technically his and it was more fun to play with his than to play with her own, because she got to feel like she was super-sneaky and cool (and because it made her big brother actually pay attention to her, even if it was to go, “brat, that is MY Gameboy, you have your own”).

She still has her own old Gameboy, too, but it’s more fun to play with Damian’s.

Either way, some of her favorite games on it are:

the first and second gen Pokémon games

(because she was the right age to be part of the target audience for Gold/Silver/Crystal, but she also wanted to take Damian’s copies of Red/Blue/Yellow, for the same reason why she took his Gameboy).

The Pokémon TCG for Gameboy thing.

Tetris (which usually involves a lot of yelling wordlessly, but vaguely in tune with the theme music).

Frogger.

Link’s Awakening DX, and the Oracle games.

Pac-Man and Ms. Pac-Man.

Centipede and Millipede, and Space Invaders (the old arcade games that are older than Lucy, put on a Gameboy cartridge because why not).

The Powerpuff Girls trio of games.

and Super Mario Land.

In addition to the whole, “this is kid stuff for children and I’m supposed to be an adult“ thing, Lucy sometimes feels guilty about her Gameboy because when she gets really overwhelmed by ALL THE THINGS, she wants to be doing something, but if she can’t handle doing actual, real-world somethings now, she’ll go zone out with her Gameboy for a while, which will feel better to her than doing nothing…

…right up until she starts berating herself for being okay enough to fight Whitney’s Miltank or get through a few levels of Tetris, but not enough to do something for real

And it’s not a guilty pleasure at all (most of the time), but if the Gameboy coping strategy doesn’t work, then Lucy becomes the person who goes jogging when she’s upset, except for when it kinda stops being, “jogging” and starts being, “running until she feels like she’s going to pass out because she might”

Phobias: Not being good enough (this is one of the big ones for her, and there isn’t really an answer to, “good enough for what or whom, exactly?” because there will be either thousands of answers all at once, or none whatsoever because Lucy is fixated on the general, overall sentiment right now).

Not living life to the fullest or achieving her full potential or doing everything that she wants to do in life

Her Dad — but to be more specific: she’s afraid of letting him down (and kind of hates that she’s afraid of letting him down, because she knows that he’s a homophobic douchebag who may not have been an outright abusive father but certainly has not been exemplary, either, and she knows that she’d probably be better off if she stopped caring what he thought, and she’s kinda tried, but it’s been rough going and she’s gotten a whole lot of nothing for it);

she’s afraid of both what might happen if he finds out that she’s a lesbian, and of the possibility that he might die without knowing, which would mean that she never gets the chance to confront him about it and fight that dragon ever again — and on the off-chance that he didn’t just cut her out of his life (since, sadly, we are talking about a guy for whom, “well, at least he doesn’t believe in reparative therapy anymore”), then she’d end up missing out on the time they could’ve had without that secret hanging over everything;

and she’s afraid of what her Dad means to her and of what it might mean that she can find him reprehensible on several counts, and acknowledge the chance that he could very well turn on his own daughter and erase her from his life, or his conscious daily life anyway, and yet, she does still love him and care what he thinks and want to not let him down

and extraterrestrial life — but not in that she fears an invasion, exactly? Lucy would probably actually welcome an invasion by extraterrestrial aliens, because then she’d be right and they’d be out there for real, and that would be cool…… but in the big picture sense where she doesn’t really deal with it every day but when it does crop up, it derails whatever else she’s doing very easily? She’s afraid of the possibility that aliens are real, but they just don’t want anything to do with humans

Were that the case, Lucy supposes that she could see why and all…… but it would still suck, and think about how much we’d all be missing out on with the aliens, all because we just had to be a bunch of shit-sticks to each other

What They Would Be Famous For: This answer is starting to feel a little bit repetitive, but…… I mean. Lucy’s going to be part of a team of heroes who get together because they just want to do some real good in the world and help people, but then stumble into fighting a shadowy cabal of neo-fascist super-villains (most of whom have their own shiny cool mutant superpowers, though some of them do not and get treated as if they’re, like…… pets, more than people and full team members).

If that hadn’t happened, though, Lucy probably wouldn’t get famous and she’d be okay with that. But if she did get famous without superpowers, it’d probably be due to rabble-rousing in Washington, D.C., or being particularly loud and obnoxious in order to draw people’s attention onto the public health crises and causes that she would’ve thrown herself behind.

She probably would’ve wound up making a lot of enemies, in that way, or at least getting on the bad sides of several people — and to be fair, she’s going to end up on the bad sides of a few choice douchebags anyway — but if she’d stayed on the public health advocacy track instead of the superhero track, she would’ve definitely had a Leslie Knope moment of saying something like, “What I hear, when I’m being yelled at, is people caring loudly at me.”

What They Would Get Arrested For: Breaking and entering, trespassing, unlawful surveillance, assault maybe — basically, a lot of shit that most vigilante superheroes should be getting arrested for (and that Lucy only won’t be getting arrested for because she has a team of people who care about her enough to go, “Sweetie, no. You don’t have your license yet. If you really care about the work and the helping, and not just about running headlong into doing ALL THE THINGS because you’re bored? Then you won’t risk getting arrested just to go out there right now, unlicensed”)

OCs You Ship Them With: Lucy has Sara Grace, her girlfriend, and I don’t know if they’re going to be endgame or not, but if they’re not, then it’s going to be because they’re 22 and 23, and just getting out into the world after going to college, so growing up happens, and it’s not fun, but…… Sometimes, people can love each other and still not work out best for themselves and each other in a romantic relationship (which is pretty much Seb/Todd in a nutshell, too, right down to them having first met each other in college).

But the Lucy/Sara Grace relationship, if it doesn’t go all the way to endgame, is not going to be broken up because one of them died, because that’s rubbish and I’d rather not because it’s more fun for me to write about people who love each other trying to work through difficult times, and maybe coming out of them not loving each other romantically anymore, but without the whole, “bury your lesbians” thing because

I mean

Are we done with that trope, or are we done with that trope

Anyway. If not Sara Grace, then I’ve also been shipping Lucy with Layla, Antoinette (which would be really complicated, in a potentially bad way, because she’s kind of with the villains, for all she’s one of the ones who could be redeemed or at least brought around to work for the non-villainous side, since Annie mostly got dragged into this because of her family… but still), Helena (which would also be complicated, but mostly by virtue of Helena being one of the All-Stars — and no, she’s not one of the big movers and shakers on that team, but she’s still on the team of superheroes who have a reality show and that does tend to complicate things)

aaaaand a little bit with Allison, though that one is more like, “Lucy had a crush on Allison for a while, but pursuing any kind of romantic relationship would’ve been awkward, because first, Allison was one of her big brother’s best friends, and then, Allison was Damian’s girlfriend, and now, Allison and Damian are engaged, soooo…”

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Conrad will probably try, on the grounds that he, “wants to believe in her potential, but then suffers through watching her squander it” (which is his way of saying, “ugh why don’t you just want to give up on doing good things or helping people and come be a super-powered neo-fascist, uggggggggh”), but I already know that he’s not allowed to win that one because I’ve got other plans for both him and Lucy.

And, as with most of the people on the main team, Senator Huntington will want Lucy dead, but he isn’t going to go after her himself. He will send people after her, sure, but he hasn’t done his own dirty work since about 1984, and he has no intentions of starting it up again now.

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: Science-fiction. All the science-fiction (and probably an ensuing round of, “but do the aliens believe in me” and, “what if aliens ARE real but we haven’t found them because they think we’re a bunch of fuck ups and no one else in the universe wants anything to do with us”).

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliches: Protagonist-centered morality.

Edgy mcedgelord grimdark antiheroes who are all like, “rawr, I am so doing what needs to be done and therefore I am morally justified in acting like a douchebag and doing all of these skeevy-ass things and raaaawr, fuck you that’s why, I think I’m the goddamn Batman, but like all of the stories where Bruce Wayne is at his worst, or maybe like that run in the 90’s where Jean-Paul Valley got to be Batman because Bruce was busy having a broken spine, thanks to Bane.”

Lucy is just kind of averse to people acting like edgy mcedgelords in general

She has been for a long time, like. When Damian was in his early to mid teens, and Lucy was about five to nine, she was right there, getting on her cranky goth trash edgy mcedgelord big brother’s case and being all, “Yeah right, blah blah blah, the darkness in the depth of your soul truly knows no bounds, that’s totally why you turned into a big dumb puddle of mush because Allison’s new cat likes you. Calm down, edgelord.”

There’s a reason why she got, “if i were a drink i’d be a cherry vanilla coke / if you were a drink what would you be / everyone’s like, ‘bleach’ or ‘sewage’ please calm down edgelords” on the textpost meme

And that reason is that Lucy doesn’t have much patience for it when people start acting like edgelords

This can be sort of hypocritical of her, sometimes, but not that often, and if she’s going to have an edgy mcedgelord moment, she’ll usually preface it by going, “At the risk of sounding like I’m trying too hard to be edgy…” or similar

Torture being not only condoned but treated as if it’s actually effective at doing anything but causing pain and traumatizing people into telling you what you want to hear, whether it’s true or not — just…… don’t go there.

Do not try to justify torture to Lucy.

Because she’s done her homework and she knows that it doesn’t actually work, so anyone who engages in torture is just violating human rights and civil liberties for no freaking reason, and excuse you but no. She does not believe that the only way to uphold and protect your ideals and values is to violate them in one of the worst ways that you can possibly violate them.

She may not actually argue her case very well in the heat of the moment, because she is very passionate about this and about how Torture Is Straight-Up Wrong, Period, End of Discussion, Do Not Pass Go, Do Not Collect $200, and it’s really easy for Lucy to lose track of a logical argument when she’s wound up

But she will, however, tap into pathos pretty well and make an argument that makes people feel bad for even thinking of supporting torture, because for having such a problem with her Catholic upbringing over the entire thing of Catholic guilt? Lucy is pretty good at sending someone on a guilt-trip

While she will acquiesce that he is not a trope, Lucy can’t stand Deadpool. She doesn’t think he’s funny, she doesn’t think that he’s saying anything particularly insightful or constructive or fun, and if you’re going to be a satire of your genre that doesn’t contribute to the discussion but rather mocks the discussion and makes fun of literally everyone having it, then the least you could do is be enjoyable in your pointlessness.

Lucy is annoyed by hipsters, poststructuralism, dada, and Deadpool, who is, to her, the worst possible conflagration of the other three things on that list, except dressed in red spandex and annoying the shit out of her.

(This is really only relevant because: 1. I’m watching Deadpool right now, and 2. at least two of her teammates think Deadpool is cool and fun, and she is judging you so hard right now, Petebastian. Why are you like this. Why.)

And Lucy says that she hates forced love triangles in stories that did not need to have love triangles — she would point at The Hunger Games series as an example — but the reality is less that she objects to the love triangles, and more that she’s just not a fan of the two boys involved, but if the love triangle were between three girls (like, Johanna/Katniss/Madge, in this example), then she’d be all over it.

Talents and/or Powers: Well, non-superpower talents first. Lucy is a go-getter and while her rousing speeches have room to get better (because, y’know… she’s 23, and has more time to learn about the art of the rousing speech), she’s getting good at giving rousing speeches. She’s almost always ready, willing, and eager to get out in the world and try absolutely everything.

If you have her on your team for a competition like, “who can sell the most raffle tickets,” then you stand a good chance of winning, because she has dedication, enthusiasm, and persistence, plus a few of the Gifts of Gab (they aren’t really her strongest suit, but she is pretty good at them).

She’s also good at scavenger hunts, for a few reasons, one of which is the way that she’s totally cool with trying to scale the side of a building, or going and digging around in a muddy field on her hands and knees, or going and bothering strangers at the mall to pose for some ridiculous selfie with her, and so on — like, whatever weird scavenger hunt shit you can throw at her (or weird shit in non-scavenger hunt contexts), Lucy is here for it because that sounds fun and heck yes, she’d love to do it

She does have a problem of needing to learn better from the past and from previous mistakes (whether they’re hers or other people’s), but the flip-side of that problem is that Lucy doesn’t usually let setbacks get her down. She should let them get her down just a little bit more, so that she can learn from them a bit better, but…… well.

When people are yelling at her, she hears them caring loudly at her, and when things go wrong, Lucy will do her damnedest to find some way to turn this messy situation into something useful and constructive, and and then drag it into the realm of Good Things, kicking and screaming if necessary. Also, she’s 23 and she’s learning, and despite having some real world and real life experiences, she’s still naive about a lot of things, so… yeah. She’s learning.

And now for the superpowers

Lucy’s most notable power is hemokinesis — which is the term that I’m using because, “blood-bending” doesn’t really work outside the world of ATLA, where it actually makes sense as a term, but that’s the gist of it.

The ATLA conception of blood-bending is also inaccurate for Lucy because their blood-bending works by having the water-benders manipulate the water in someone’s blood, which is a really neat concept, but as Lucy learns more about how to control her powers, she’s going to learn that she has control over more than just the water in someone’s blood

For example: one of the applications of her hemokinesis that she’s going to rely on a lot is manipulating platelets in order to make smaller wounds scab over quicker. (In the case of larger wounds, she’s going to have to learn how to simulate the outer walls of ruptured blood vessels by directing blood-flow in certain directions, and then how to stimulate the body’s regeneration of the different kinds of blood cells.)

(The latter power is going to make her go, “!!!!!!!” when she learns that she can do it because OH MY GOD YOU GUYS. SHE NEEDS SOME PEOPLE WHO ARE ALLOWED TO DONATE BLOOD AND WILLING TO LET HER DO THIS, COME ON, WE NEED TO GO TO THE RED CROSS RIGHT NOW AND DONATE ALL THE BLOOD, BLOOD BANKS ARE PERPETUALLY IN NEED AND LUCY CAN USE HER POWERS TO GENERATE BLOOD SO COME ON YOU GUYS, SERIOUSLY. SEB, PETE, YOUR TATTOOS AND PIERCINGS ARE OLD ENOUGH TO NOT BE AN ISSUE SO CAN YOU JUST LIE AND PLEASE PRETEND YOU DON’T HAVE SEX WITH GUYS, AND SEB PRETEND THAT YOU’VE BEEN CLEAN FOR AT LEAST A YEAR, FOR THE SAKE OF THIS, IT IS REALLY IMPORTANT.)

(strictly speaking, both of them would do so, since neither of them has hepatitis or HIV, and they agree that this is important… but Lucy’s argument would work better on Seb before he learns that he’s a mutant.

Once he learns that, though, he would need to be sat down and given a thorough powerpoint presentation about how… yes, he has a healing factor, and yes, he would definitely be dead if he didn’t have it, with everything he’s ever done to himself, but it doesn’t actually mean that he’s secretly harboring hepatitis and/or HIV and just not feeling it because of his healing factor. If his tests come up clean, then he’s clean.

And… nb: they’d be having this conversation before the FDA changes the lifetime ban on giving blood for MSM, to, “you must abstain from having sex with other men for a year or you can’t donate blood.”

Seb, however, would still have to lie about the intravenous drug use, since…… yeah, he much preferred getting high without using a needle, because despite having multiple tattoos, he’s really easy to squick with needles — like he’s fainted a few times while watching other people shoot up because needles freak him out — but easily squicked by needles or not, Seb has used IV drugs that were not prescribed by a doctor, much less monitored by one, and he’d need to lie about that.

But Pete would only need to lie about the sex with other guys, and he thinks lying about his sex life in order to donate blood is okay, given that he knows he doesn’t have hepatitis or HIV.)

(This whole thing is just going to get a lot worse when Lucy learns how to regenerate plasma. Just.

She cares so much about this particular application of her powers and YOU GUYS SHE KNOWS THAT IT’S IMPORTANT TO WORK ON TAKING DOWN THE FASCIST MUTANTS BUT CAN WE PLEASE GO DONATE BLOOD COME ON IT’S IMPORTANT.)

Anywho. Some other uses of hemokinesis are going to scare Lucy a lot more, because, for example, she can use this power to heal…… but she could also create a blood clot and give someone a heart attack or stroke, and if she isn’t in control of it, she could do that without necessarily meaning to (e.g., if it happens as a panic response to being attacked by someone else)

And, uh. While it’s kind of cool to be able to generate the blood enough to make a sword, then make it dense, hard, and sharp enough to actually function as one? It’s also… kinda gross? And unless Lucy gets injured and gets her blood from there, her options are ““borrowing”” someone else’s blood — which she’d rather not do because what the fuck, that blood isn’t hers to go turning into a sword just because she can — or self-harming, which?

Even granted that she could get away with just pricking her finger or something, uh.

That’s pretty scary for Lucy, and more so because her girlfriend has dealt with self-harm before and it’s just?? Lucy isn’t sure if her belief in the greater good and getting shit done to benefit everyone would be enough to get her through self-harming in the name of creating a blood weapon when this could end up hurting Sara Grace

If she had no other options that would work, Lucy would probably do it, but…… seriously. Creating a blood weapon is going to be one something she’s only going to pull out if the other options have been exhausted and she’s basically down to, “surrender,” “die,” or, “make the damn blood weapon.”

Tangentially related to her hemokinesis, Lucy is eventually going to be able to tap into different uses of osteokinesis (or bone manipulation).

If she weren’t so excited about science and medicine, she might not make the connection on her own, but… blood is generated in bone marrow (which is why, if you get a bone marrow transplant, your body will generate blood that looks like it belongs to someone else, genetically).

Lucy’s going to have a lot on her mind for a while that’s more immediately pressing and that keeps her from fully making this connection — and getting into manipulating bones and bone marrow in more ways than, “generate ALL THE BLOOD for the Red Cross!!!” and so on, Lucy is going to have a harder time learning to control these powers and making them do what she wants

—but she will get a handle on her osteokinesis eventually, and be able to use it to heal broken bones (and several other things, but healing broken bones will probably be one of her preferred uses because…… no, seriously, a lot of the other uses of bone manipulation are going to freak her out kind of a lot).

(And at the risk of sounding like she’s trying too hard to be edgy, but? Holy shit, why did she have to get a bunch of edgelord powers like she’s just languishing outside a fucking Hot Topic, dressed all in black and complaining about all the goddamn conformists like how dare they listen to Beyoncé and Britney Spears instead of “Wake Me Up Inside” or Korn or whatever the fuck goth kids listen to, UGH.)

(Josie: “……Actually? It’s called, ‘Bring Me To Life.’”

Lucy: “………Huh?”

Josie: “The song that has, ‘wake me up inside’ as part of its chorus. Its actual title is, ‘Bring Me To Life,’ and…… eh? It isn’t not-Goth, but you would find quite a few Goth kids who’d rather not be associated with it because it was too big a hit when it first came out and they feel like this makes it a conformist song.”

Lucy: “…………Okay, question. Did I ask for a lesson about how you used to be a goth kid fairy princess back when you were in high school or whatever?”

Josie: “Okay, that song came out well after I’d finished high school, but who’s counting—”

Lucy: “Or did I ask for someone to please listen to me vent about how my powers are such freaking edgelord trash and it’s annoying?”

Josie: “……Neither, technically. You didn’t ask, you just kind of started venting.”

Lucy: “……*folds arms over her chest and just gives Josie an incredibly unimpressed face*”

Josie: “……I’m sorry. You were venting. Please, go on. I’m listening.”

Lucy: “Nah, I’m gonna go vent to Pete instead, he doesn’t correct me about songs I don’t care about when I’m mid-vent.”

………and then, about two hours later, Margot had to stop Pete and Lucy from going to stake out the nearest Hot Topic because…… no, you two. No. There is nothing untoward happening at Hot Topic.

Margot generally agrees with the grievances that you both have with Hot Topic, but there is not actually anything criminal going on at Hot Topic; you’re both just looking for something to be happening so you can justify wasting time on what is essentially a glorified game of you two hanging around outside Hot Topic, people-watching, and making pointlessly judgmental comments about the people who work or shop there.

Which Margot isn’t actually against, most of the time or in principle — except she is against it when you’re calling it work and wasting time that you’re really supposed to be spending on following up on leads about real supervillain problems.)

Other miscellaneous powers that Lucy has: a healing factor (it’s nigh impossible to find a mutant who doesn’t have one, and hers isn’t as intense as Seb’s, but that’s just because his has been through worse shit and it’s gotten a lot tougher as a result because environment and experiences have an important role in shaping if, how, and/or when the mutations that are coded in someone’s genes fully manifest and what the full extents of these manifestations will end up being)

Heightened senses (which is going to help contribute to Lucy finally finding out that she’s on the autistic spectrum, because the sensory overwhelm Hell is going to finally outstrip her ability to cope with things and make herself seem more or less neurotypical)

Increased stamina (which her healing factor helps with, yeah, but they are technically separate)

Super-strength (……ish. Like, she does end up with enhanced strength, yes, but the things is, she also ends up supplementing it with two things:

1. working out and strength training — and asking Seb to teach her how to fight because he knows how, and he didn’t learn it in any organized martial arts or boxing or whatever blah blah blah, he learned it from an actual need to defend himself and others, which means that he knows how to fight effectively, and come on come on come on, it’s not like Lucy’s asking him to start a Fight Club with her, she just wants to be a good superhero, pleeeeease?;

and 2. temporarily increasing the density and weight of her own blood to make her punches hit harder — which is a very specific way of supplementing her enhanced strength that doesn’t actually translate to most uses of it that don’t involve hitting things, and it may not hurt her as quickly and obviously as, say, trying to punch someone when you don’t know the right way to make a fist, don’t have your knuckles taped and/or can’t prep yourself for the pain that will come if you don’t have your knuckles taped, etc.

…but a couple hours after she does this, Lucy will have to deal side-effects as her blood tries to shift back to its normal density, and as her body tries to catch up with that, and all of it will suck)

And (in Sara Grace’s words), “a super-mutant refusal to give up in the face of things that are terrifying and difficult and might make other people run screaming” and, “the most super-mutant cutest little nose-wrinkle ever in all of the history of the entire planet ever”

Why Someone Might Love Them: …it’s late and I’m tired, so fair warning, we’re getting into, “this is where the crappy answers start up” territory right now but with that being said:

Lucy is enthusiastic, and completely earnest about it. Like, she has some semblance of tact, but it’s really difficult for Lucy to fake being enthused about something when she isn’t, so when she’s all excited and eager and everything? It’s for real, and it can be contagious, because she just believes so much in how cool it is to care about stuff and give them your all and fight for what you believe in and so on, and her energy and enthusiasm rub off on other people

(Which, admittedly, some people don’t like very much, but other people do, so.)

She may not be perfect, but she does always try to be a better person. This is hindered most by how slow she is to learn from past mistakes, and by her eagerness to keep plowing forward and to get up, dust herself up, and get back in the fray as soon as possible — but she’s the member of the main cast who is most likely to give a, “You know, I learned something today!” type of speech about how they can all take the most recent odd miscellaneous misadventures and turn them into practical self-improvement and being better people for real

(One problem that she needs to work on here is that she’s a definite Gryffindor, and she has that Gryffindor tendency to sometimes steamroll over people because she’s made a decision about what the Greater Good is or what’s best for everyone — and to Lucy’s credit, she can be stopped if you’re patient with her and go, “No. Here is what you’re doing, now stop”… but, still. She’s trying to work on the whole steamroller problem, but…… it’s a process for her.)

(Also, she’s not exactly a Pollyanna, but Lucy does believe in trying to find the bright side and the potentially useful aspects of everything, even if it kills her, so she can kinda seem like it, sometimes.)

For all she puts up a front as much as most of the rest of my characters — and Lucy’s front generally tends to be a version of herself that is more competent than she necessarily feels and definitely more self-assured than she feels at any given moment — Lucy is also more comfortable with being genuine and real with people, without it having to be that she’s breaking character or slipping up or something.

Like, her front isn’t one she uses to try and push people away or keep them from seeing her vulnerabilities; she uses it to try and convince people that she’s okay, and she’s got this, and you should take her seriously because she knows what she’s doing and she’s got this and if you don’t believe her, just watch

(Who listens to “Uptown Funk” when she needs a pep talk? Uh, yeah, that would be Lucy.)

So, she’s not one of my characters who’s going to go to ridiculous lengths to try and keep her true self from coming out — aside from: 1. trying to minimize some of her vulnerable spots. specifically the ones that make her; and 2. the balancing act she has with being half-closeted, but that’s not based on trying to push people away; it’s about being genuinely terrified of what her parents would do to her if she came out to them

—and when she wants to get to know someone, then she she’s more comfortable sharing parts of herself with them than most of her teammates

And she’s dedicated. Like, really, really dedicated. She tires not to expect the same level of dedication from other people… but Lucy herself won’t feel good about her efforts on something ‘til she’s given it 5,010% percent of what she has to offer and then tried to give more

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She can be overwhelming to deal with, even when she doesn’t mean to be. Her dedication can be exhausting to deal with, and she sometimes doesn’t really get that seriously, Lucy: it’s okay to chill out a little bit and not try to go charging headlong into absolutely everything. She often doesn’t get that she’s being a steamroller until someone points it out to her, and while she is genuinely sorry for that (most of the time), the whole thing where she doesn’t learn from her mistakes very easily is kind of a problem.

And, on the (usually) less understandable end, some people find her earnestness off-putting, and genuine belief in always doing the best that you can, trying to be the best that you can be, and trying to do the most good in the world that you can possibly do.

Sometimes, this is understandable, because Lucy can do this without being as sensitive as she could be about everything that’s going on in any given situation — most likely because she thinks that she’s right and hasn’t stopped to consider the other perspectives in play right now — and is being a giant, runaway steamroller with no brakes and a lead foot on the gas pedal.

Other times, though, people have gone after her earnestness and her attempts to be a good person, and a hero in her own right, because they’re being cynical dicks and going, “ugh, you are so naive and it’s annoying, stop it”

How They Change: Probably the biggest things that Lucy’s going to deal with as part of her character growth are: 1. learning how to learn from her mistakes, or other people’s mistakes, or the past in general because she really needs a better balance between her, “YEAH LET’S GO FUTURE YAY LET’S WORK FOR THE FUTURE IT’S ALL GOING TO BE SO MUCH COOLER THERE, I DO NOT WANT TO BE CHAINED TO THE PAST BECAUSE IT SUCKED, YAY FOR THE FUTURE” positive view of and approach to life, and the truth at the heart of, “those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it”;

and 2. her naivete is going to get kicked in the teeth. It’s not as clear-cut as, “the naivete is completely wrong and all of the cynical dicks in her life have been right all along” — it’s more the case that everyone involved in this discussion is being too extreme and/or too absolutist about something in how they approach life, they all have some fair and valid points (some of them more than others), and they all have places where they’re really in need of some changes to better themselves and to do better by the other people in their lives

—but Lucy is still really naive about some pretty important shit, and her naivete is going to get kicked in the teeth, and then her commitment to positivity and finding the bright side of things or a way to make them useful and so on? Yeah, that’s all going to be tested. A lot.

A big part of her development is going to be about finding a balance between her ideals and commitment to trying to be a positive force in the universe, and needing to pay better attention to the practical details and actual reality of what’s going on around her and what she’s sticking her superpowered bunny nose into.

Also, she’s going to learn that she’s on the autistic spectrum and have to deal with that, and like.

Mutant superpowers? She didn’t expect those, but she has thought about what she might do in this kind of situation because she’s grown up in a world where mutants with superpowers are real and fairly well-known and so it’s entirely plausible that she or someone she knows could turn out to be a mutant, so there are some aspects of this that Lucy hasn’t really prepared herself for and wouldn’t have seen coming and so on and so forth, and it’s not like the adjustment will be that easy for her, but it won’t take long to find a groove to settle into

But she really didn’t see being on the autistic spectrum coming and she consequentially has no idea what to make of it when it comes to her awareness

Why You Love Them: 3:11 AM crappy answer time, but… because Lucy is, in a lot of ways, kind of a mess — not as much as some of her teammates, but to be fair here, among the main team and with the exception of Sara Grace, they’re all 7 to 12 years older than Lucy is, so they’ve had more time to get themselves into a ton of shit and make themselves into different kinds of human disasters — but she’s trying and so freaking help her, she’s going to do it all with a positive attitude and a mind to help create good changes in the world wherever and whenever she can. And I admire that dedication in her

[thedesperatehousehusband]

It’s the Super Bowel. Or Bowl....

It’s finally time for that most American of events. The Super Bowl. Pitting the Kansas City Chiefs against the San Francisco 49ers. I don’t really care who wins but Kansas City hasn’t played in a Super Bowl in 50 years so I’m rooting for them even though that Jimmy Garapolo is very, very, very attractive while Patrick Mahomes doesn’t do much for me.

Let’s talk pre-show. Yolanda Adams was lovely during America the Beautiful. Demi Lovato sang the shit out of the national anthem. She’s a talent and I like that she is very open and vulnerable about her issues and problems.

Shifting to commericals…..

·       Secret – Let’s Fight Inequality. It’s strong. It works. I dig it.

·       McDonald’s – All the favorite orders of celebs was great. Because who doesn’t love McDonald’s? If you don’t love McDonald’s, the commies win.

·       NFL 100 – I don’t know if this was a spot or if this was a pre-game video but whatever it was it was amazing. 100% loved it. That kid who ran onto the field was the HAPPIEST kid in the W-O-R-L-D!

·       Fast & Furious 9 – Who gives a fuck?

·       Quibi – What is Quibi? That spot was heinous. What a fucking waste of money.

·       Tide – The stains can wait. I don’t love it but I am appreciative of the pull through from P&G. It seems to be their Super Bowl thing. They’ve just focused on this idea that the stain can wait the whole game. I love Charlie Day and Emily Hampshire from Schitt’s Creek is a hoot but do people know who they are? I mean run of the mill Americans watching the Super Bowl. It feels a little niche with the casting.

·       Wal-Mart Pickup – I hate to say it because Wal-Mart is the devil but that was a good spot.

·       Black Widow – I’m into it plus it features Florence Pugh and after Little Women I am in love with her.

·       Rocket Mortgage – Clever, clever, clever. I like the Jason Momoa gag and closing with Lisa Bonet was an additional level of meta clever. Maybe too meta?

·       Porsche – Terrible.

·       Snickers – This is my favorite spot so far. Hilarious. Luis Guzman is a riot. A damn riot.

·       Hulu with Tom Brady – Not today, Satan. Not today. What a douche.

·       Mountain Dew Zero Sugar – If there’s no sugar, what’s in it? Crank? Mountain Dew is garbage. Regardless of Bryan Cranston and Tracee Ellis-Ross, that shit ain’t good.

·       SquareSpace – Winona, MN. We’ve done this whole Fargo send up before. For like 20 years. I’d rather see jokes about Amy Klobuchar bringing a hot dish casserole to a fundraiser potluck.

·       New York Life – I really was into this until it was for New York Life.

·       Fanduel – Bullshit.

·       Hyundai Sonata – John Krasinski, Rachel Dratch and Chris Evans ALL IN ONE PLACE. This is a close second to the Snickers commercial.

·       Cheetos Popcorn – You can’t touch this. So, so, so smart and such a funny spot. New favorite.

·       Olay Regernist – I want to like this one but it was silly AND heavy-handed. That’s hard to accomplish but not in a good way.

·       Michelob Ultra – Gimme a break. They’re giving donations to organic farmers to grow shit for Mich Ultra? Lord….don’t pee off the roof and tell me it’s raining.

·       Avocados from Mexico – Pretty funny and who doesn’t love a moment with Molly Ringwald? No one. Similar to McDonald’s, if you don’t like Molly Ringwald??? The commies win.

·       Hard Rock Hotel – Ugh. What a waste of J. Lo and A-Rod. Why, oh, why did they have to bring in DJ Khalid? I just don’t understand why he’s a thing.

·       Pringles – Rancid.

·       TurboTax – I want to like this but I just don’t think I can. All people are tax people? I dunno. It’s not like anyone wants to pay taxes.

·       Tide – Still with the laundry later. It’s a smart approach.

·       Genesis SUV – John Legend and Chrissy Teigen are quickly become America’s couple, no? I liked it.

·       Coca-Cola Energy – What’s up with Jonah Hill? He looks like shit on a shingle. Martin Scorsese looks fine and he’s nearly 80. The same cannot be said for Jonah Hill.

·       Planter’s – I KNEW IT. I knew the death of Mr. Peanut was a part of something else. Super, super smart. Not sure it’s worth the investment or whether or not it will drive sales but VERY smart.

·       James Bond No Time to Die – Like Black Widow, I’m into it.

·       Google – Fuck me. That poor man trying to remember Loretta. We sobbed.

·       Sabra Hummus – This is how I mus? I don’t think so.

·       Verizon – Awful.

·       Pop Tarts – Jonathan Van Ness hawking Pop Tarts? I don’t get the connection.

·       Hummer – An electric Hummer? If I had a dollar……

·       Minions: The Rise of Gru – I’m NOT into it.

·       Saint Archer – What the fuck?

·       Wal-Mart – The pickup spot was waaaay better. Thank god. I though Wal-Mart was stepping up their marketing. They are not. Still crap.

Halftime show. Folks, I’ve had a on again, off again relationship with J. Lo. Right now, it’s on again. I am really digging her at the moment. Not sure that Shakira actually sang a note but whatevs. It was a solid show with the emphasis on the show. No one is expecting to witness a “Grammy” moment at the Super Bowl. Just do your hits. Bring the fireworks and wheel the set off the field.

This game is actually quite good.

·       Sodastream – Mars Water or Mark’s Water? Funny shit.

·       Hunter’s on Amazon Prime – Ummmmmm. What is this show? We’s a-gonna be watching that. Holy shit.

·       Pepsi Zero Sugar – You know what’s stupid? Pepsi invoking Coke colors and iconography. Dumb, dumb, dumb.

·       Heinz – Pretty OK.

·       Bud Light Seltzer – Post Malone is probably the right spokesperson for this particular product but it sure doesn’t speak to me.

·       Little Caesar’s – Meh.

·       Doritos – No.

·       Kia – Not terrible. Not great. Not the reaction you want after dropping 4 million for 30 seconds.

·       Turkish Airlines – Pretty smart but where can you actually find Turkish Airlines in the US? New York, Atlanta, Chicago? Where else? I’m not ever getting onto a Turkish Airlines plane from Indy.

·       Reese’s Take 5 – I really enjoyed this spot. Funny stuff.

·       Tide – Now with Wonder Woman and Charlie Day. It’s a solid campaign.

·       Alexa – Good stuff with Ellen and Portia. Do you think that everyone understands they’re married? I still wonder if Linda, Donna and Brenda from middle America actually get that they’re a couple and not just friends.

·       Michelob Ultra – The Jimmy Fallon and John Cena spot was pretty funny.

·       Xfinity – Terrible.

·       Nissan Rogue – This is not a new spot. I’ve already seen it. Don’t waste our time on old creative. So stupid.

·       Toyota Highlander – I wanted to like it but it was just too much.

·       Disney+ - All this new Marvel content makes me a little excited.

·       Discover No then Yes – I didn’t hate it but you kind of need to be paying attention. It happened quickly.

·       T-Mobile – Anthony Anderson’s real-life Mama. In the club. With cell service. Not bad but also a bit of cheap joke.

·       Budweiser – Typical American. Cheap.

·       P&G – Why?

·       Microsoft – This is how you extend your creative. They introduced their Katie Sowers spots a few weeks and NOW they’ve cut something new and made it about the Super Bowl. Solid.

·       Jeep Rubicon – SMARTEST AD IN THE SUPER BOWL. Loved it. Billy Murry reenacting Groundhog Day the movie on Groundhog Day the DAY to drive a Jeep over and over? Inspired.

·       Tide – We’ve wrapped it up with a clean shirt, everyone’s older and now with a dirty sweater. What started as not my favorite has turned into a solid outing by Tide.

·       Audi – So stupid. What the fuck was even happening?

Side note. Kyle Shanahan is 40. He also knows how to rock a hat. Hubba hubba. Also, this game continues to be quite exciting.

Great job, Chiefs! Fun, fun game.

[kideraxpride]

Top 12 Disappointing/Worst Games In my Opinion (as of 3/25/17)

The middle two deserve it, but Zestiria more so. I loathe Zestiria. From it's shitty storytelling to it's battle system, to it's world mechanics to it's characterization/treatment of characters. I'm not going to go into it. I've already wrote 6000 words on it. I'll play Legendia before I touch Zestiria. VIII is like a watered version of Zestiria. It's bad, but at least you CAN play it and understand what's going on. The characters and story were great, but that level/stat mechanic is utter garbage. Worst game I've played in the series. However, at least it's understandable and not convoluted like Zestiria's. MMBN4 is... this game is a trainwreck. MANDATORY THREE PLAYTHROUGHS HANDS DOWN, NO MATTER WHAT IF YOU WANT TO GET ALL THE SOULS. Not to mention if you screwed up and didn't get all the chips from Viruses? Guess what? You're forced to deal with RNG to start filling in those gaps. It is the most INFURIATING FUCKING THING ON EARTH AND A TERRIBLE DESIGN. Luckily, they fixed it in BN5, which... would've went up here, but I'm just remembering the terrible times with BN4 and it makes me wanna chuck my GBA at a wall. Naruto Ultimate Ninja Storm? Whew lad, fuck everything about these games. I loathe them. Ultimate Ninja was the pinnacle, it's the greatest, and I don't care what you say. Sure, UNS has a fuckton of characters.... so? You could've done the same for UN. UN's fighting was fast and fluid. UNS is a sloppy fucking mess filled with assists and ridiculous fucking camera problems where I don't even know what the fuck is happening. Mario Kart 8... I want to like this game, but it's just... no. Wii may have had the issues with everyone picking Funky Kong/Flame Runner/Spear, but MK8 can suffer from the same shit, but it's WORSE because of the less competitive playstyle that's invoked. Also why the actual fuck can you not use a Gamecube controller? Zero Gravity is ass. This game was a total step in the wrong direction (and it gets worse with Free Riders, but lemme stop you there, I didn't even touch that game). The game's controls make it fucking atrocious to play, and I find myself fumbling over things I can do than actual racing. Sonic Riders (it's predecessor) was far better. Dawn of the New World is a special case... We all wanted a Symphonia sequel... and we got it, but it just... why the hell is this game Pokemon with Tales Characters? The fact they ruin the old cast also makes no sense, why the hell do they cap at level 50? THAT MAKES THEM WORTHLESS ON HIGHER DIFFICULTIES. I'm not even going to talk about Re:Coded. Nomura must really fucking like KH1, considering he's made us play through the game THREE DAMN TIMES. The game is an unnecessary fucking mess. PSA:BR is... good god, this game is a fucking nightmare. From DAY FUCKING ONE, it's been either riddled with glitches or just ridiculous things (Kratos normal combo plus on block?!). It's FUN, don't get me wrong, but taking this game seriously is a quick way to have a heart attack. But they never solved the problems with it. The game was defensive and campy by nature due to the super system; it was a wait and punish game, which is fucking stupid. Soul Calibur IV is something I pretend doesn't exist. V too. This series stopped at III for me. It's just pretending to be something it's NOT, which is bad. If I wanted to play a game with super meter management, I'd PLAY one of those. Stop trying to shoehorn in mechanics... ESPECIALLY when it's not necessary!

Mario Party 9 does another 'this is good, but let's change it anyways' and makes it worse. There was nothing wrong with the way Mario Party was played before all of this, but they made it so now everyone is in the same vehicle and it's just unbearably unfun. To be at the mercy of your three teammates makes the game go from even more random to WORSE than random. It throws all strategy out of the window, since it's impossible to plan around your opponent's choices (you just gotta hope for the best... or if you're playing with a human, start negotiating). Imagine finding a series where the games aren't in order by how they're numbered. You play the games in their chronological order, and by the time you get to the last one in the series, the controls are a stiff mess and handle like that car you bought for 300 from the crackhead down the street who somehow convinced you bricks are good tires. That's Devil May Cry 2. This game plays like ABSOLUTE SHIT. Like holy fuck, DMC3 was a prequel, I get it, and it's when Dante was younger and more free, but god damn, you're telling me he didn't retain ANY OF THAT? (It's obviously because they didn't plan that far ahead....)