#i just forget that its a thing that can happen okay

[daddyygh0stface]

Hi yes I'm alive sorry for not being around. I kinda lost my job and haven't really figured out what I am doing to do or how I'm going to pay for bills or what the fuck is going to happen But yeah I am here and alive unfortunately. I probably won't answer ask or dms for a while don't really feel the greatest right now and sure as hell don't feel like talking to anyone right now.

Rant time i guess? Getting a job in our current market is hell everything I've applied to just never gets back to me. Its funny because growing up I always told you need college to get a job or be able to do anything in life, man I have friends literally went to some of best colleges and still can't even get job. It just feels like I'm constantly being lied to about everything. Weird how I'll forever be told people like me just don't wanna work yeah man I don't wanna be able to live comfortable pay my bills and be homeless. Let's also not forget the fact jobs will require you have a set amount of experience in a certain area but no job will hire you for that field without experience HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO GET EXPERIENCE THEN DUDE? Then a week before all of the job thing family member sits us all day and tells us they have cancer. This fucking disease has taken so many family members from me. I lost my grandma what will be a year ago in January I was starting to just come to terms with everything and feel somewhat okay. I will never truly get over her death but I feel like that is normal. I've had so many family members taken from me just from cancer alone this stuff runs in my family I believe and coming to that realization fucking sucks because I just want to help them, but there isn't anything I can do. I truly don't know what to do or what to think anymore.

Writing this really late into the morning and i'm going to schedule the post sometime not sure when

[seedlings-stuff]

Beneath the Surface - Chapter 2

If you haven't read it all already, you can find part 1 here!

Tommy Shelby x Female reader

Tags: angst, hurt/comfort

Word count: 2k

The entire drive to Williams house was silent. (Y/N) was thankful that he didn’t say anything to embarrass himself in front of the driver, she had never seen him so drunk. At least she hoped he was drunk. Maybe that would help to explain his behaviour towards her. 

Was her dance with Tommy so wrong? The more she thought over it the deeper her guilt became. Admittedly, Tommy and (Y/N) had been very close prior to him leaving for the war, they’d never shared a kiss but she could recall a number of times they almost had. Since returning from France though Tommy seemed to keep her at arms length: always around but never too close. Could William see something she couldn’t? 

William didn’t speak to her as they prepared for bed. Still in shock from his behaviour at the Garrison, (Y/N) didn’t dare attempt to talk him out of his mood. That would be a conversation for tomorrow. 

With William already in bed, she lingered in the bathroom a little longer. She stared at her stomach, a small swell not yet visible, but she felt different already. Looking at herself in the mirror, she felt warm tears begin to fall from her eyes. What was happening to her? She wanted more than anything to be able to confide in William, but something in the back of her mind told her to wait a little longer. After the way he treated her in front of the Shelby’s today she felt ashamed. No doubt Polly would get wind of what had happened, what would she say to her? That he was drunk? That much was true. But she had seen something unfamiliar in his eyes as he looked at Tommy and herself.  And it terrified her.

“(Y/N).” William called from the bedroom. She was taking too long. Palming the tears away from her eyes she took a deep breath. Everything would be okay, she reassured herself. Every relationship had its ups and downs. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

(Y/N) tenderly brushed her fingers over her wrist, purple marks had begun to bloom along her forearm. She sat awkwardly at the breakfast table with William, barely sipping her tea as she examined the marks left by him under the table. They still hadn’t spoken about the events of last night and she preferred it that way. She just wanted to forget it happened. She had more pressing things to think about, William had asked her to begin moving her belongings to his, and she needed to figure out how to break the pregnancy news to him. They weren’t even engaged, it was lucky that she wasn’t showing yet but how much time would they have to marry? Her head spun. 

“So I was thinking after work I could drive us to your flat and we could start packing your things?” William suggested. 

“Oh, I um, don’t know, I’m looking after John’s children this afternoon and Polly has asked me to dinner.” She stuttered, barely looking up at him. 

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

(Y/N)’s eyes shot up to him. “What?”

His expression hardened. “I think you should be careful with those Shelby’s, (Y/N).”

What did he mean? Was this about last night? 

She stared at him, breath caught in her throat. She really didn’t want to revisit what had happened.

“You’re aware of how they operate, correct?”

Yes, she knew the Shelby’s took part in less than legal operations, of course she did. She herself helped Polly to keep their business afloat while the boys were in France.

“I don’t think you realise how dangerous they are, (Y/N). I don’t want you to get caught up in their business.”

(Y/N) almost choked on her tea. He was right, of course. But she couldn’t recall ever mentioning the truth of their work to him, unless maybe something had slipped her tongue, shit! It must have been her.

“What do you mean?” She inquired, feigning innocence. 

He leaned in towards her, voice lowering. “It’s nothing for you to worry about. Just know that business is about to get more difficult for them. I don’t want you caught up in it.”

Her stomach dropped. Was this a threat? What did he know? She wanted to pry more, but William had already leaned back, digging into his breakfast as he changed the conversation. “I’ll meet you after work at say four o clock then?”

At least he’d made the decision for her. 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Her afternoon looking after the children was pleasant. She enjoyed their company, and it helped her to keep her mind off of the more pressing concerns in her mind. She was great with the children, they easily followed her lead as she taught them to bake biscuits and clean up after themselves. Truthfully she had always wanted children, which was why she was so struck by her conflicted thoughts on carrying William’s baby. Maybe she just couldn’t see herself raising a child with him? She felt terribly guilty for thinking that, mentally slapping herself as she pushed the thought to the back of her mind. 

As she rolled out the dough for a loaf of bread, a pulsing pain in her wrist jolted her back to reality. What if he hurt her child? No, she thought fiercely. He’d just had too much to drink. He must have been trying to protect her—from Tommy? Her Tommy? Sure, he was the so-called gangster of Small Heath, but he would never lay a hand on her.

Speaking of Tommy, he had just walked in the door, his presence wrapping around her like a familiar warmth. She didn’t turn to face him, embarrassment flooding her cheeks at the memory of last night. But he spoke first.

“How are you, (Y/N)?” 

She turned slowly, wishing she could muster a smile. Instead, her lips twitched into a grimace as she held her wrist away from his gaze. Her skin was a shade paler than usual, and her eyes were heavy with the weight of sleeplessness.

His eyes flicked to her wrist. “Let me look at that.”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Tommy. Just a bit of joint pain from all this rolling,” she lied poorly, avoiding his piercing gaze.

“(Y/N).” He stepped closer, his voice dropping. “Please.”

Gently, he took her hand, cold meeting warmth, and carefully turned it over. She winced at the tenderness of his grip. He lifted her sleeve, revealing the bruises blooming like dark flowers against her pale skin.

“God, (Y/N),” he grunted through gritted teeth, brows knitting together.

She pulled her arm away, hastily covering the marks. “It’s nothing, really. I just bruise easily, remember?”

He wasn’t buying it. The fire in his eyes told her he saw more than she let on. She decided to change the subject.

“Can you ah, tell Polly that I’m sorry I can’t make it for dinner tonight? William, um, he wants to help me move some of my things into his place this evening.” She stuttered. 

“You’re moving in with him?” Tommy shook his head incredulously. “Seriously? After last night—“ 

“He’s not like that Tommy!” She interrupted. “He was drunk, he was just trying to protect—”

“Protect you?!” He burst. “Protect you from what? Me?” His stony demeanor was replaced by genuine hurt. “How can he claim to protect you, when he can do this?” He gestured to her arm.

“I don’t know Tommy,” she whispered, tears forming in her eyes. “I don’t understand. He said you were coming into some trouble—”

“What did he say to you?” Tommy whispered, tone changing to concern. “He just said, that you Shelby’s are dangerous, he said something about business—”

“Shit” he gasped. 

“I promise Tommy, I’ve never talked to him about your work, I swear to you I—” she stuttered.

Tommy placed his hands on her shoulders. “I know you, (Y/N). But remember who he is too.” He paused, debating whether to burden (Y/N) with this information. “We have reason to suspect that he’s working with Campbell. Using you to get closer to us. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you sooner.”

She took a breath. She couldn’t do this. Not now. 

She looked into Tommy’s eyes. She could feel her throat beginning to tighten, tears threatening to spill and any moment. She couldn’t let him see her like this. He pulled her closer, warm hands rubbing up and down her shoulders in reassurance. He knew her too well. He could almost hear the tornado in her mind. “It’ll be okay, (Y/N).” He whispered. 

She instinctually leaned into his embrace as her tears began to spill hot down her red cheeks. He held her close as she broke down, rubbing circles on her back as she wept into his shoulder. As (Y/N) leaned into Tommy’s warmth, she felt a strange mix of safety and vulnerability. His scent—a mix of tobacco and something distinctly him—wrapped around her like a comforting blanket. But the reality of her situation loomed.

“Tommy,” she managed between sobs, pulling back slightly to meet his gaze. “I don’t know what to do. I can’t just leave William…”

“(Y/N), you have to think about what’s best for you,” Tommy replied sternly. “You’re not safe with him. And neither is your—” He caught himself, jaw tightening as the word nearly slipped past his lips.

“My what?” she whispered.

Tommy’s silence was telling. He cursed softly under his breath, looking away for a moment. “I know, (Y/N). Polly told me.”

“Polly…?” Her eyes widened, filling with fresh tears as realization set in. “You knew?”

“I didn’t want to say anything,” he muttered, “not unless you were ready to talk about it. But you can’t stay with him. Not with a baby on the way.”

“It’s not that simple,” she protested. “I can’t just leave—what if he…?”

“What if he what?” His tone turned sharp, anger simmering just beneath the surface. “What if he hurts you? Because he already is.”

His words echoed around her, ringing in her ears. A fresh wave of tears welled up, but she held them back this time, trembling as she tried to steady her breathing. “What if I’m making a mistake?” she murmured. “If I leave, and he isn’t working with Campbell… if I’m wrong—”

“Then I’ll handle it,” Tommy interrupted softly.. He cupped her face, forcing her to meet his gaze. “But what if I’m right? If I’m right, you’re in more danger than you know. And I won’t let you go back to him. Not like this.” 

For a heartbeat, they stayed like that—his intense blue eyes boring into hers, searching for any sign that she understood. She did, of course. But understanding didn’t make it any easier.

“You’ll need proof,” she whispered, more to herself than to Tommy. “If he’s really working with Campbell… you need proof.” Tommy’s gaze softened, his hands sliding away from her face but lingering at her shoulders. “You’re going to help me?”

She hesitated, conflict raging inside her. Finally, she nodded slowly, expression hardening. “One more night. I’ll go back, get whatever I can. Meet me tomorrow… here.”

“(Y/N)—”

“Please, Tommy. I have to know for sure,” she insisted. “For me, and for the baby.”

Tommy’s jaw clenched, the muscles in his neck tightening, but he didn’t argue. He knew her well enough to realize she wouldn’t back down. He sighed deeply, a resigned exhale. “One more night,” he agreed reluctantly. “But if anything goes wrong, get out. No matter what.”

She swallowed hard and nodded again, trying to muster a smile that fell short. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” Tommy muttered darkly. “Just… be careful.”

(Y/N) took a deep breath, pulling herself out of his embrace. The air between them felt charged, heavy with unspoken words. But there was no time for that now. She turned back to the children, forcing herself to smile as if nothing had changed, as if her whole world hadn’t just shifted.

“See you tomorrow, Tommy.”

[gravestoneghost]

I see John Marston as a younger brother so I genuinely forget that people can be attracted to him

Girlbossed to close to the sun with playing as Arthur/older brother character

[vasito-de-leche]

Could we have some Zima relationship headcanons :]

;R1999 ZIMA - Relationship Headcanons

Compilation of headcanons about Zima in a romantic relationship.

ofc you can nonnie, ty for the request! Zima was the other character that got me into the game so he's very dear to me

also also, I'm not sick anymore so I have some steam to work on requests, hehe <3 still working on the sleepy fics though, don't worry yall!

I haven't done a proper analysis/HCs post on Zima yet, so as usual I'll be talking a little about his character before getting into the whole relationship aspect of things!

The portrayal of Zima as a stereotypical, shy introvert feels extremely reductive to me, especially when it's all attributed to his speech pattern - the pauses, the stuttering... None of it is an indication of timidness. We have to remember that Zima's native language, like many other characters, is not english and he struggles when speaking it. That's the reason he speaks in such a way, there's a language barrier he's constantly fighting against in order to communicate with others and yet he's clearly trying.

There's an emphasis on loneliness, isolation and avoidance in his character that is impossible to ignore, which seems to add to the whole portrayal of Zima as a "shy baby". But again, this is something that comes from an important part of his life - the exile he went through. Him being socially inept is a result of a punishment, years of being alone with no one but animals to keep him company. It doesn't come from a sense of inferiority or insecurity such as Charlie, but an absolute lack of human contact.

When examining his voicelines, we also see that he's opinionated - criticizing the Tsar and the poor living conditions of the people, speaking of the beauty of nature and so on and so forth. He explicitly writes poems on any surface like trees, rocks and snow, even if he knows they'll be washed away overtime.

I understand that it's extremely easy to dismiss Zima when it comes to romance because of all of these details, his isolating ways and all, but he's a poet first and foremost.

While he may not be romantic in the more traditional sense we're used to, he's extremely insightful and takes a lot of care to appreciate the small details that often go overlooked, but that make life feel more lively and rich. In the context of relationships, given his age and his lifestyle, Zima would bring a completely different type of vibe - for comparison, most of the characters I talked about already lean towards high emotions, the fun of discovering love for the first time, etc etc...

Pavia's love is a whole rollercoaster on his own because there's always the chance of either getting hurt or having the time of your life, Forget Me Not's feels exactly like being hungover in the morning. But Zima's love is more like coming home after a long trip, knowing there's a warm meal waiting for you. It's familiar and calm.

On the subject of Zima falling in love.

Zima is used to introspection, so I genuinely believe he has a strong sense of self and a good grasp on his emotions. He quickly realizes when he's fallen for someone and he accepts it easily, despite the lack of romantic interactions in his life. This is because the object of his affections is, most likely, someone he already cherishes, and who puts the effort into maintaining a good friendship with him - so the idea of being in love with them feels natural!

I can't see Zima pursuing romantic relationships with strangers and/or those outside his close circle, not even a surface attraction beyond artistic appreciation for someone's looks. He strikes me as the type who can only fall in love with those he trusts and knows.

And even then, his behaviour wouldn't change much!

It's obvious that he lacks friends, so the very few people he does have are extremely important to him - even so, Zima does not need to constantly orbit around them and will gladly spend days (and weeks if you don't actively seek him out) without seeing them, content to catch up with them whenever their paths cross. He shares what little he has to offer with everyone, practical things and knowledge. Zima is 100% that friend who disappears for months and returns as if nothing happened.

When it comes to you, it's the same. Sure, if you ask him to stay a little longer then he'll oblige you. And if you're the chatty type or find his work interesting, then he'll put the effort into having a conversation with you despite the language barrier. But that's about it, the changes aren't noticeable no matter how much he loves you, because all of that happens when no one is looking.

If you happen to stroll around in the wilderness, getting lost in the forest and all, then you might find your name carved on trees along with many, many poems. If you don't speak or read russian, then all you'll be able to recognize is your name - the very first thing Zima taught you in his native tongue - but these are all declarations of love.

The animals are kinder to you, curious even. They follow and treat you like an old friend, as if they knew you, because everything they've heard from you comes from Zima himself. They speak about everything and anything with him, after all.

Zima lacks the initiative to confess or even consider being in a proper relationship with you - I insist, he's genuinely content with being a close friend - but he also lacks the restraint to keep his feelings to himself and thus puts them on display in the only way he knows how: as a poorly kept secret between himself and the nature that surrounds him.

Not many think of him as a romantic because of how stoic he is, but when Zima is in love, he sees you in every flower, in the snowflakes that fall and kiss his nose. You're the gentle summer breeze and the crystal clear rivers once winter ends. You're right there beside him in spirit when he sees little chicks take flight for the first time, or when all the other forest critters wake up after hibernating. Zima finds beauty in every aspect of nature, and he sees you everywhere he looks.

That said, there's no way he'll take the first step. That's entirely up to you, to pick up all these things and confront him about it - that's the only time he'll be open and direct about his feelings. Because you already know how much you mean to him!

Zima would love to teach you his native language.

This is partially me projecting because english isn't my native language either, but I do like to think that Zima's english is all self-taught. He understands when others speak english, but isn't as fluent when speaking himself. And that's why it's sooo infuriating and frustrating for him, as a creative person and poet.

Not only because it's harder to communicate with others, but because his work and poems - the most important part of himself - can't be fully understood. Therefore HE can't be fully understood. Some translations, while good, can't even come close to their original meaning. As his partner, Zima wants you to understand the full depth of his affections and thoughts.

I do think that the process of learning would also be quite organic, starting with Zima simply pointing out at things and teaching you the way they're named in russian, basic stuff he does unconsciously. If you pick up things on your own from his work and his translations, Zima will be over the moon and would ask you to repeat yourself to make sure your pronunciation is right and because he loves the way his language sounds with your accent.

But if you approach and ask him to properly teach you? He's gone, instantly overwhelmed with emotion and thoughts racing in his head, trying to organize a million different things - what would be the best way to teach you? Should he start with the alphabet? You want to learn this brand new language to understand him better, that simple gesture is a huge deal for him.

Once you have a pretty good grasp on the language, at least enough to have basic conversations with him, it will feel like Zima has gotten a little bolder - addressing you with pet names, being generally more blunt and talkative... But in fact, he's just finally able to express himself in his totality.

This also goes the other way around - Zima would love to learn your own native language, whether it's english or something else. It's yet another language he can use to express himself, so it's a win-win. And I know that it's common for us multilingual people to start confusing and mixing all the languages we speak, but I think Zima would have an easy time keeping them apart, so to speak!

On the subject of Zima and how he acts when he's in a relationship.

You two were close friends before you were lovers, so Zima doesn't feel any sort of pressure to live up to some dating standards like fancy dates, gifts or grandiose displays of affections - once again, it's all about what feels natural. You two know each other more than enough to simply fall into a comfortable routine that works out for both.

He does make the effort to drop by more often, to find a middle ground until he feels more comfortable and used to being around large groups of people. But he would also insist that you accompany for his walks in search of inspiration for his work!

When it comes to showing affection, I think Zima might be a little touchstarved - casual physical contact such as someone hugging or patting him on the back as a greeting still catch him by surprise, but affectionate gestures with those he trusts and loves is a novelty that leaves Zima starry-eyed.

He has a lot of things that he needs to slowly get used to again now that he's not exiled in the middle of the woods, but having you shower him with affection is something that he grows to like rather quickly. When you pet him, pepper his face with kisses, hold his hand when walking or hug him - it doesn't matter, Zima will always stand there, fascinated with the way you make him feel, so very warm and safe.

He would appreciate a warning before being touched, and he always makes sure to ask before initiating anything himself - it doesn't matter how many times you tell him that you're fine with this sort of contact, he's going to ask for permission anyway. Just out of politeness. Personal space is important, after all.

I think Zima would try to stick to a routine he can follow without overwhelming himself, especially if you're the type to need more attention (again, Zima will literally disappear for weeks if left to his own devices). It's more of a short list of things he needs to remember to do before the day is over, the two most important ones being greeting you in the morning and wishing you goodnight.

As for more general aspects of a relationship, I don't think there's much to say! Arguments with him rarely happen because he's patient and careful with his words, he communicates his needs and boundaries as well as he respects yours and all. Zima isn't that talkative, but his more "eccentric" traits are something you're probably used to on account of that initial bond and trust.

[storywestistrash]

i am actually so tired of the way westerners treat eastern europeans

[seafoamsol]

Every so often someone will come across my team fortress 2 art from like, 2017, and just go through all of it and I just have to deal with the psychic damage of reliving my high school years and seeing my old art

[dashiellqvverty]

the thing about bbc merlin is that in many ways it is very tragic, in the sense that so much bad shit that happens could have easily been avoided if charcters had made different choices, hadn't been so wrapped up in prophecies, had trusted people and communicated openly literally ever, just generally got their heads out of their asses. like i know thats the point, they are trying so hard to do the right things and protect people but the story is unavoidable. HOWEVER it is all soooo fucking poorly executed that none of it is effective. so instead of thinking "wow what a tragic story about fate/destiny/whatever" you walk away like "well that fucking sucked for no reason. i hate that fuckass dragon" and i sometimes feel very cinemasins in the way i pick apart the logic but the thing is the show is written in a way that makes the characters come off as so stupid and always making terrible choices rather than like. tragic victims of circumstance.

[sskk-manifesto]

(*・ω・*)b♪

[icewindandboringhorror]

Various recent pictures of things

[eclarinet]

same soup... different day

[bmpmp3]

and unfortunately i am like the equivalent of one of those true crime girlies but like, with white collar crime and corporate scandals. except instead of getting paranoid about random people minding their own business being serial killers coming for me, i just keep telling every tall skinny whiteboy friend about how much financial crime they could get away with if they put on the right posture and confidence.

[lecliss]

Actually I wanna take back what I said yesterday about Naruto kinda sucking cuz I remembered the ame orphans exist and started experiencing immense pain again. Kishi gets one (1) point in his favor for their existence even tho they break my fucking heart

[the-trans-dragon]

Rendered inert by the crushing of fear of doing things with mediocre skills rather than with precise perfection and efficiency -> Rendered inert hesitant by the realization that I am being Very Visibly Autistic by doing things with precise perfection and efficiency -> just accepting that everyone is looking at me and thinking "oh my god, I didn't know we had THAT kind of weirdo in our community. We need to make that kind of person illegal" which *isn't true* but it's way easier to cope with, than trying to to convince myself that most people are neutral and busy being the protagonist of their own lives and not thinking about writing a memoir titled "This Fucker Is Ruining My Life By Existing Near Me: Plotting Their Demise"

Haha sorry that was just gonna be silly and lighthearted but i lost my way and ended up in Brain Troubles Land <3

[ghosttrolls]

I used to use a free drawing website as my introduction to digital art. The thing is, the site I used would time out and give your prompt to somebody else if you took too long, and the only way to "save" a drawing would be to not close the tab... and I hated that uncertainty of whether it would still be there when I got back, or if my prompt would be given to somebody else. So I got very used to sitting down and doing an entire drawing, start to finish, in one sitting. I still struggle to remember to save in csp BEFORE I FINISH THE ENTIRE DRAWING because of this years-long habit I built. Spending more than 2 hours on art is exhausting!!! I've only ever lost I think two drawings on csp though because (my beloved) it comes with an auto save feature, and the tablet I used to use that would crash my computer sometimes is no longer with us. Thankfully.

[snekdood]

Ppl gotta understand that just bc you do x thing because you're mentally ill, doesnt mean your actions dont have the same effect if you weren't. Like if you've been manipulative to your friends, you cant get mad at them for not sympathizing entirely with you when you go on about how they dont accept you for your mentally ilness. Regardless of your reason, you were still manipualtive, you fucked with peoples trust. Theyre still gonna have trust issues about you even if its bc of whatever mental illness you have.

[clamorybus]

sometimes i think about that time in high school when i had a breakdown in class and was gnawing through my hand and sent to the psych ward. but from my moms perspective