#i just don't get serotonin when someone else draws the

[s0urs0rr0w]

sonas time

[toweroftickles]

Hi (:

What do you think about characters of "Inside out 2"? Do we have some lees here?

Ok I somehow didn't experience the original Inside Out until like 2 weeks ago, and then immediately rushed to theaters for the second one, and I have not been able to stop thinking about it since! Of course the first thing I started daydreaming about was the chaos that would ensue in Brain HQ during tickles. So yes, I've definitely got headcanons. XD

EMOTIONAL * RESPONSES

When Riley Gets Tickled

Joy squees, claps, bounces up and down, the usual. "AAAH Tickle time! Awww, our girl is still so adorable..."

Disgust: "Mm-mm. I hate this. Hate it. Majorly messing with my zen."

Sadness: *confused and a little uncomfortable*

Fear: *open-mouthed and deeply uncomfortable*

Envy gasps and hops up to the screen. "Omigosh omigosh they're touching us. That means they like us and think we're cute, right? Right?!"

Anger: "Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, huh?! You want a fight, kid?! I'll give ya a fight! Right up your -"

Anxiety: "Wait! There's a million possible variables in what'll happen if we decide to fight back! Accidentally punching them would be devastating to our network!"

Joy's not paying attention, she's too busy laughing and hammering the serotonin injector.

"I-I got it! Scream! Just holler, really loud!"

"GUHH, get out of the wayyyy; stop hogging this thing! We have to run! Come on!"

Ennui: *exists in French*

*Meanwhile Embarrassment is just spread out like a starfish and rolling his entire girth back and forth across the keyboard.*

When Riley's Tickling Someone Else

Joy takes the wheel here. The others know not to disturb a master plying her craft. She's an expert tickler, so she feeds Riley a whole bushel of fun ideas, and Envy is her eager troublemaker minion.

There is in fact a dedicated "Tickle" command button. The plastic is slightly stuck in the slot because it hasn't been used much.

Anger keeps trying to grab his levers and switches, but Joy usually shoves him to the side with her foot.

*tries to wrest control from Joy and rein her in*

*barfing in the corner somewhere*

When a Tickle Scene Pops Up in a Movie

Joy giggles happily and squirms in her seat, then boops the control panel so that Riley follows suit.

Disgust is a tiny bit antsy...she's not influencing Riley yet but she's on standby in case stuff gets weird.

Embarrassment gingerly taps the console at increasing intervals until Sadness pulls his arm away.

Ennui: Probably watching something else. Or doomscrolling.

When Someone Asks Riley if She's Ticklish

*screams like a little girl*

*hides, bangs head on the desk*

"That is NOT funny!"

"Oh no! What do we do; whaddawedo?! Riley's way too ticklish! What if they tickle us and don't stop for the rest of eternity?! What if they think Riley's laugh is weird and we're socially ostracized and forced to get a job in a fish cannery?!"

“Ew ew ew ew no. Lie. We have to lie right now!” *jumps for the controller*

*Joy grabs Disgust's arm* "Whoa whoa whoa, eeeaasy there. Let's just calm down...this is a fun question; we're having fun..."

Envy: "Ooo, what if they're ticklish and they want us to tickle them?" *already wiggling her fingers in the air*

"But if we misread that signal and make them mad at us, then..."

Ennui: *groans and taps her console app*

Riley, being super casual: “Meh…a little. Not really.”

Suddenly Riley's eyes dilate. Her throat hitches and there's the tiniest bit of pink in her cheeks. Everyone turns their heads to look at -

“EMBARRASSMENT!!! *dry heave* WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!”

"Ohhhh boy. There it is. We're doomed now."

When They Get Tickled Themselves

Come on, we all know that Joy always draws first blood. (Er...first giggle?) She's such a switchy monster. Tickling is her default method of cheering others up. It's canon. Case closed.

As someone whose default setting repels positivity, Sadness is not ticklish at all, and this actually upsets her.

*silently grabs the tickler by the neck and tosses them out the window*

Nobody protests like Disgust. She gets mad. She slaps. She hurls insults. She runs away. Disgust is both extremely ticklish and extremely touch-averse, so this is Code Red for her.

Fear is the type who doesn’t so much “laugh” as “have a shrieking, spastic outburst and breakdance like Sonic the Hedgehog in a malfunctioning taser-testing facility."

At first, Anxiety is overcome by stressful jitters, miserable and whimpering, and her whole body contracts. After a few moments of tickling, though, she starts to let all that tension out and relaxes into nervous vibrato laughter. It becomes sort of a therapeutic stress release, like her special chair.

It's not exactly the physical sensation of tickle torture that Envy craves, it's the attention. The sound she makes when tickled oscillates between wild, snorty cackles and the dulcet hoots of a baby owl trapped in a pinball machine.

Ennui is dead. No reaction. Her body is a neurological cemetery. ...EXCEPT for her heels and the back of her knees. (And if you thought phone loss made her experience Vietnam flashbacks...)

What do you think Embarrassment does? He plops himself down on the floor and pulls his hoodie so tight around his face that no one can tell if he's laughing or sobbing.

Misc.

As Riley's primary protector, Fear is always scouting ahead for any potentially-tickly environmental hazards, and gently nudges her away from catastrophe ("you forgot your shoes! put them back on before you walk on grass;" "don't lift your arms up around Bree and Grace;" "those massage chairs in the mall are actually full of rusty knives and drug dealers sleep on them;" etc.)

When Riley gets tickled, the emotions don't "feel" it, exactly, but they perceive something of a contact buzz.

These are typically how the reactions go, but they're not universal. If Riley's been in a bad mood, Anger might be more proactive in grabbing the handles. Embarrassment may have more or less of his body mass pancaking the buttons, depending on who's tickling her. (Like...a boy?! Or Val?! Or -) Standard variations like that.

Riley

Riley has an extremely ticklish tummy! That's her spot. (Just the vibe I get; IDK.)

Bree and Grace are really ticklish too, but Riley is the weak link... the member of the trio that the other two team up against. Lots of tickle fights and sneak attacks.

She obviously loves to laugh and goof around with her friends, but probably isn't over-enthused by that last part.

Val

The most popular girl in school, the tough athletic one - her adulating devotees wouldn't think it, but beneath that too-cool exterior, Val is very weak to tickling.

All the other Firehawks know, and like to tease Val by poking her.

She's a good sport about it and takes it like a champ - just yelps and laughs and pushes back. They have fun.

Her big weakness is her feet.

Lance Slashblade

Crop top alert. The abs are asking for it. (Just sayin.')

The thought of being tickled is intolerable to him. Even in this...what should be a moment of joyous camaraderie...he is haunted. Forced to laugh like...like some sort of...clown swordsman?! How could he be so weak...so degraded...so unworthy to carry the holy blade of his ancestors, they whose destinies were written in the stars ere these centuries long past? Will he never be a true warrior, with the strength to stem the tide of encroaching night? It is too painful to think about...the icy whips of humiliation, always ravenous and bitter in their lashes, strike! and cast him into the shadows and okay the joke's over now we're getting long-winded and edgelordery big words drama sparkling vampires and junk

(Also, yes, he Morph-Balls himself.)

[a-writers-blurbs]

A bit of a disclaimer ig...

Hi guys,

This is going to be a long post that sounds slightly rant-y & I'm going to apologize in advance for that. I am going to make exactly ONE post (this one) about this topic, and I will not be discussing it further or posting about it again. I will also not be responding to any negative comments but deleting them instead.

These are my personal opinions and [...not *trying* to sound rude, but there's no other way to say it...] a bunch of random people online aren't going to change my opinions.

My husband is an artist. He does canvas painting & draws comic books (think anti-hero dark horse). I paint furniture (kinda mini murals) & make chibi drawings. I've also been writing fanfiction since the late 90s.

That being said, this post is about AI art.

I get the controversy, I do. But I've heard this argument before, when fanfiction became more popularized. The whole "You're just stealing someone else's work & changing it up to call it your own" is (at its core) the same argument against AI. The only difference is that instead of you yourself changing it, you're allowing a machine to do it.

But I digress...

Over the last week, I have received several messages about my use of AI art. First & foremost, my stuff is appropriately tagged as AI.

Second, I don't sell or advertise these pictures in any way. In fact, none of them have been posted anywhere but here (as of 6/1/24).

Third, and probably most important, I DONT MAKE THEM FOR YALL. Fanfiction & fanart are a HOBBY. It is something that I do because I enjoy it and it destresses me. I DO NOT do it, hoping I'll get 1000s of followers, views, likes, etc. Every story I write, I print & bind for my library. I will now be doing the same with my AI pictures.

I have a condition that has a symptom called Maladaptive Daydreaming. Because of this, my head is full of an alarming amount of excruciatingly detailed & unrealistic scenarios and images. (To the point that it affects my everyday life).

I can't necessarily recreate the images in my mind without help & the only way to get rid of the random scenarios is to write them out. So I do write them. And now I use AI to help me get a BASE image. I do still go in myself and edit/redraw parts of each generated image to fit them to the characters I want them to represent. I do thus using digital art.

Granted, there's a whole other group of people that think digital art isn't real art... but that's a discussion for another day. Anyway...

TLDR:

I use AI art & will continue to despite some people's dislike. I will continue to delete any and all comments left publicly that are malicious, rude, or condescending. My stories & are are for me. If others enjoy it, great, that's freaking awesome. If not, there are literally thousands of other fanfic authors you can follow instead of me.

Again, I apologize, I know this sounds rude. But I need to be 100% transparent on this one. I am extremely grateful for every folllower & reader I have. I won't lie & say comments/positive interaction isn't a serotonin boost because it is. Yall also give me more motivation to actually complete a story vs. moving on to the next idea. But I'm not going to change the way I do things to appease someone I don't even know.

This is one of the few things I enjoy doing in my free time & have been doing it for 25 years now, and in the last 5 or so years ALL fandoms have gotten so toxic its hard to enjoy anything anymore. Last time it got like this, I simply stopped posting. I'd rather not do that again, but if people (who aren't even following me) don't leave me alone, I'll probably have to do it again, sadly.

But for now, hopefully this post will give people with different opinions to go ahead and block me from their feed. We're not going to agree so instead of wasting energy arguing, let's keep the peace & agree to stay off if each others feeds.

I won't judge you on your idea that you feel it's your duty to harass people over their choices & you won't judge me for enjoying something. 😉

Thank you for listening. Love yall & and I hope your day is blessed!

[16ruedelaverrerie]

Your instincts are animalistic and your deductive reasoning skills are razor-sharp! And you were completely correct! Although, I do have to confess, there are more than enough typos and grammar mistakes to go around in things I've written... fics, sure, but also just... comments and tumblr posts and whatnot. My wake is LITTERED with errors. With fics I can go in surreptitiously and tend to them hoping that no one has noticed, but with alarming regularity I will edit a comment reply being like "Sorry to drop this notification in your inbox... I just spotted a typo and I had to fix it..." so you know, you were more lenient than you needed to be in your assessment of my punctiliousness, but you were STILL COMPLETELY CORRECT.

That having been said, you're probably somewhat off the mark with regard to my vibes as person! I mean, I'm not an intentionally bad person, you know, I don't go around being a provocateur, but mostly it's just that people tend to reserve a lot of the energy it takes to be amiable for the real-life relationships they have. Me, I treat all the people in my life like dirt and then I come on the Internet and kiss all the babies in town. (That's a joke! I don't treat the people in my life like dirt! But certainly I enjoy explaining myself or pontificating at length much much less in real life, and maybe something of that willingness to keep talking can read as amiability online. )

As a person who is DEFINITELY IN MY WALLS, could you earn your rent and hang out with my cat while I am away?? Saba keeps throwing up from boredom / loneliness / a desire to protest my absences, and I am as concerned about his GI tract as I am tired of blotting the rug.....................

(💓You are very sweet and this message was a big serotonin boost, thank you)

No! I didn't! That dating sim mockup remains, as it began, a one-off joke about grabbing Gavin by the throat more than anything else kjfld;hgkld If anyone passing by right now wants to hit up @kenoa-ajisai-no-niwa about putting something together, that would be awesome!

I am the way that I am, so I would only really feel comfortable writing for the game, rather than drawing-- but division of labor aside, I'm just generally anxious about collaborative ventures like this occurring at this stage of the fandom life cycle. I've been part of a few late-fandom projects of this nature, and they've all sort of... dissolved into tears. There's no established graceful way for someone to lose interest in a fandom and step away from their collaborative commitments, you know? The project falls apart without them, but it's also difficult to ask someone to keep putting their time and labor into something that no longer interests them, and won't earn them college credits or a paycheck.

When a fandom is young, there's enough energy in the air to push a project to the finish line, right? Several years into a fandom, I can't help but feel that these projects tend to sink into a kind of "Well... it's a lot of work... and who are we even making it for, anyway... is it worth doing all of this just so that we can get like three comments" is-there-anyone-out-there morass. That's not a rule, of course, just a regrettable pattern that I've personally experienced-- but it's what comes to mind for me, as I ruminate on the possibility of this hypothetical dating sim.

...And yet, I'd still probably write for such a hypothetical dating sim, if it were to hypothetically exist

[queen-of-the-boos]

*The little ghost wanders the halls, holding gently in her hands a familiar white blossom and some sort of note. She passes through various walls and partitions in search of the event's most gracious host... And at last, she finds the lovely Queen in a moment away from all the bustle.*

"Um... Your Majesty...?"

*Mona wasn't really sure how to address her, but hoped a classic formality would do. When the Queen turned her attention to the timid spirit, Mona held the flower and the note a little closer.*

"...H-Hello... I know I wasn't really, um...around much. But it was nice to see some people...it felt so quiet lately. And you're a really nice host...and..."

*She perked up a little as she caught herself getting off-track.*

"Oh! Um... I-I found this. It was on the ground, by the front door. And it came with this note... It's strange, I can't really explain it, but it...feels like someone else wrote it for you, maybe...? So I felt like I should give it to you..."

*Suddenly the little ghost thrust out the anonymous gift towards the Queen with both hands. Despite how shy she felt around all these new people (and about talking to the Queen herself), she still smiled very softly.*

"W-Well...and, I know what you said about these flowers. You give them to someone you care about... And, well, I also wanted to say thank you for being so nice and having this party. It made things feel a little friendlier, I think."

*The note is strangely cold, and is dusted with white, blue and lavender sparkles. Queenie can see a ghost of a message written on it, and oddly it is enclosed in...parentheses?*

(Hi Queenie c: Sorry I wasn't very active for this. I have been in this weird mashup of "busy with life" and "not busy, but recovering from being busy" for a very long time now and frankly I am. exhausted kdjfg. but I like seeing you do stuff like this, it's always nice to see selfship/OC positivity and everyone having fun with it.)

(I don't mean to make this sound sad hdjfg but events/writing like this kind of reminds me of when I had tons more free time and really indulged a lot more in stuff every day, so when I see it on my dash nowadays it's like a little burst of free serotonin asdjgdhf. We don't interact on a super close level but you are indeed a very lovely friend and I just wanted to say that I am glad to see whenever you're having fun~)

(also I wanted to draw at least part of this, but I have like. negative 3 energy so I hope writing will do dkfjg 💜)

The Queen was busy cleaning up the lovely Treacherous Mansion from the events of the ball when she heard a timid voice call out to her. She brightened up immediately when she saw it was Mona.

"Oh! Hello, dear. Did you enjoy the ball..?"

She smiled fondly as Mona went on, simply happy to hear that she brightened up Evershade Valley just a bit. It could get quite lonely here...

"Its no problem at all! I'm just glad you seemed to enjoy yourself. Sorry about your luck on the party board- Oh?"

What's this? A Banshee Blossom? For her? She gently took the flower from her friend's hand and held it close.

"You're giving this to me? Are you quiet sure? Thank you so much!"

The queen took the chilly note and read over it, reading some part aloud. She felt her heart warm as she took the words to heart. It really made her smile!

(YOU'RE WELCOME CICI AAAAAAA It's ok that you couldn't draw a lot! You did way more than me and I also feel you on the no energy department GOSH. I just wanted everyone to have fun with a lil event yknow cause I miss those...

You're always welcome to interact with me whenever you want! My ask box and dms are always open here or otherwise 💕)

[lugenacht]

I'm seriously thinking about ending my compromise in patreon because the amount I earn doesn't justify me beating myself up every month because I need to deliver one 1 drawing or else. Like who tf cares, I'm tired of forcing myself to draw when I'm clearly under pressure for other stuff and certain events have thrown away my will to draw. I don't want to take off my sketchbook and think "ugh, I should at least sketch something so I make it into a patreon post later" because I'm dreading Every Single Step of the process, from first thinking I need to draw, to the moment I post it. I don't even get any serotonin from doing it so whatever. Social media has always been unkind to someone who is clueless about networking plus doesn't have the motivation to draw regularly. Why am I so pressured to deliver something if all I get is under 10 likes on my social media accounts? Like, quite literally, who cares about my drawings? I need to stop.

I just cannot deal with anything anymore and am exhausted of doing this whole posting everywhere and being mindful of the day and hour and the proper hashtag stuff. I'll just post random wiwis whenever I feel like drawing a wiwi. And I will stop caring if the fandom for it is dead or not or my followers are interested in it or not. Eugh. The way social media has shaped my drawing process into a twisted and dreadful distortion of my actual interests and a whole circus process. No, I can't do this right now. I'm tired, I'm uncreative, and I just want my time off.

[rainbownixie]

adhd mike headcanons?

i love this so much <33 adhd mike is so important to me!!

when he hyperfocus on writing he can't focus on anything else and he often forgets there's people around him. will often stays by his side when that happens because he loves to draw mike without him noticing <3

it's so so so hard for him to write sometimes. like- he gets distracted by EVERYTHING and he often procrastinates. he goes to nancy's room to annoy her, he eats out of boredom, he calls lucas out of nowhere only because he can... did he forget to tidy his room?? LET'S DO IT NOW. he's only able to focus whenever will's around, because having someone else working next to him (drawing, in this case) makes him want to focus on his work too.

he has an hyperfixation on dnd!! and i'm sure it seems pretty obvious but i like to think about him rambling about the campaigns and his characters and stories and the music they could use while they play! he's so so into dnd and won't stop talking about it.

he's always late to everything. they have to meet at 5? he gets there at 6 because he either forgot or he thought he had enough time to get ready in 10 minutes, when he actually ended up getting distracted and it took him like 1 hour. dustin goes to his house to pick him up ever since that one day when he absolutely forgot about them.

he can't do ANYTHING if there's noise around him. hearing nancy or his mom talk on the phone is like ten thousand nails on his ears. he gets easily distracted so it frustrates him when he can't do anything about the noise, and that causes a lot of meltdowns. he can't even think when there's people talking or music around him.

the last point is why he often doesn't sleep. not because he just can't (that too, he has a lot of energy at night) but because at night his house is way more silent and calmer. so he spends the whole night awake doing his own stuff in the basement and then he falls asleep around 6am. karen is always worried about his health tbh

he gets frustrated when people interrupt him or don't pay attention to what he's saying. conversations are really hard for him because he feels the need to talk all the time but ofc others need to talk too. he doesn't get annoyed at them or anything, but it makes him upset. will loves hearing him speak for hours tho

he struggles reading long books, and he hates it because i have this hc that he likes stephen king and the poor boy wants to read his long ass books but it's really hard for him

i don't think he's a bad student, i actually think he's pretty smart. but he gets distracted and bored easily in class. especially because he seats next to will and behind dustin/lucas and they're just- so easy to talk to in the middle of class. he only focuses in english class or in mr.clarke's (that man always keeps him focused with his excitement and teaching methods).

he struggles so much expressing himself out loud. there are just too many thoughts in his head and he gets so frustrated when he can't just say what he's thinking. they always have to wait for him to stop stuttering, breathe in, and organize his thoughts before he says anything. that's why he loves writing and dnd, it's the only time where he can express himself easily.

he gets overwhelmed pretty easily so people touching him is a big no-no. that's why he's the one initiating physical contact with will

god he hates watching a movie without talking. whenever the party has a movie night, they have to get ready to hear him ramble for hours about every little scene. will loves it, btw.

he can't sit down correctly and won't stop moving and stimming. when the party hangs out together to chill he always ends up standing up and walking around the room. if he sits down, he prefers the floor rather than a chair or a couch.

he's pretty much exhausted and tired most of the time because he doesn't really sleep well and needs constant serotonin. people think he's rude and boring but you just have to give the boy something to do.

don't ever give that boy money because he doesn't how to spend it correctly and always acts impulsively and buys shit he doesn't actually want

random hc but he bites will. like, lovingly bites will. he goes MUNCH and he bites his hand or arm or cheek. it's his way to show love, okay

he feels so bad for forgetting stuff about will :( like forgetting dates and stuff. however, he always remembers little things and fun facts about him and it always makes will happy

dustin is always the one to realize he's bored so he always talks to mike and gives him stuff to work with when they're just chilling

lucas will always remind him to eat because he forgets to do it. often.

mike isn't rude or mean, he just takes criticism badly and that's why he speaks impulsively and says stuff he doesn't really mean

the only one who understands what he's saying when talking fast is max because she pays attention to every word without even noticing

el understands him perfectly when he's having a meltdown, and she's basically the only one besides will who can calm him down

his room and the basement are a fucking mess but he gets frustrated and annoyed whenever karen fixes them. he has his own way of organizing stuff

i... projected A LOT on mike. thanks for this ask!!! it makes me so happy really <3

[nrhshm]

Hi Nour! I can't stop reading your headcanon about platonic yandere! Strawhats that's why...Can you maybe do a Part 2? I just really interested how would Franky, Chopper and Brook would treat a Teen! Y/n. Especially Robin and Nami but you didn't hear me.

In continuation to the previous part, it's gonna be age/gender neutral Y/n. Part 2 yandere mugiwara'sssss leggooo!!

.

° reader is gn

° SFW

° Spoiler free

° ft. Nami, Ussop, and Chopper

.

Platonic Yandere Strawhats p2:

.

Nami is the typical definition of a "devil wearing the mask of an angel". She toys with you like she does with everyone else, but ONLY SHE is allowed to do so. ONLY SHE is allowed to tease you, mess with you, troll you. Any strawhat that draws away your smile will get the most horrendous murderous fists from the said navigator. And even worse, any STRANGER that disturbs your serene demeanor will have the thunderbolts of Zeus raining down on them, Nami will summon the deadliest clouds and burn his soul alive. Things will get SOOO messed up that even Sanji will start second guessing his actions...

.

Ussop's entire dedication is on making you laugh, he wants to hear your serotonin-ical giggles even if it takes him diving head-first into the skypian bottomless sea. He works so hard, diligently, to make you the craziest inventions, making sure to follow your preferences. Something so simple and pure, he'll be like your goofy partner in crime and twin brother, always by your side at the worst of times. But don't let that overzealous exterior fool you, this man's sense of vengance knows no bounds. Thus when it comes to you, the fearful yelps you'd always expect from him simply, vanish! The moment he spots a frown on your face, it's game over. He'll shoot blizards and flames if that's what it gets for your revenge , to teach that low-life a lesson. Ussop doesn't even need Sogeking to go maniac, his slingshot will wreck buildings, towers, ships, you name it. Not to mention, if it were a strawhat that hurt you, he'll make sure to give them a good threatening piece of his mind.

.

Chopper's yandere mode is his rumble form. Without a second thought, he'll chow down on that orange pill the second he sees you in danger. Otherwise, he's still your same-old cheery reindeer, full of innocence and life. Surprisingly though, he absolutely LOVES your compliments, and does all sort of things to earn your favored impression. This furball doesn't get all tsundere-like when you praise him, always stating how much he likes your words, and using that as an excuse to curl up next to you. When it comes to healthcare, his huge overprotectivness on his new patient even makes Zoro show some pity. You're scheduled to his office every passing 15 minutes, a full on check-up. Upon seeing the slightest bruises, my man here will bombard you with worried questions, you fell on the floor? He'll hand you the herbal drinks of the world. Someone did this to you? Chopper will call on the whole strawhat crew, to "have" him apologise-... of course.

[the-bjd-community-confess]

i am once again, bonkers, so let me tell you about hobby horses.

guess who got 2 thumbs and 0 adhd medication? it's me again, and i hope you can behoove me a moment of your time. between supply chain issues and my state's particularly heinous concept of medication management i am once again an uncontrolled amount of chaos. and so while i attempt to once again access a medication that we have been producing for actual decades (I LIVE NEAR A COMPOUNDING PHARMACY AND /yET/) i am here to tell you about hobby horses, because someone in the comments asked me to do so. is this doll related? tangentially, because i have also purchased scale model hobby horses for my dolls. truly you can find anything if you query a google in the right place. 

(you can put a readmore here if you want mod! i would.)

for starters, there is a real documentary called Hobbyhorse Revolution that goes over a lot of this- the people in the hobby, what drew them to it, and so forth. for many people, this is an organized sport, and honestly it's pretty athletically impressive. hobbyhorsers jump like basketball players it's something else, but i digress. there are people of all ages who took up the stickhorse and ran with it, from young folks doing hobbyhorse dressage to older folks making artisanal horse heads. it's one of those hobbies, much like our own, that draws a diverse range of interests and skillsets and gives them something to project those interests onto. you like to craft? make your own horse! you like to do photography? hobby-horseback photography is a genre now. want to pick up a fun new sport? just think they're cute? you're in good company! it's honestly pretty wholesome.

people form communities, they name their horses and give them personalities, and for many, this is a vital outlet for their mental health. sure, it's weird horse larping on the surface, but there's a lot of good to be found! but what drew Me to the hobby is this: at first, it was simply "wait, people do /what/??" the novelty blew me away! but i also came to respect the people involved- the artistry, the athleticism, the camaraderie, and most importantly, the commitment to just- do something because it's fun, never mind if it's cringey. listen- i've been on this bitch of an earth for a multitude of decades at this point, and if i've learned anything, it's that one would be wise to take whatever serotonin they can get in this life, especially in current year.

i think the world would genuinely and honestly be a better place if more people just went for it and stopped worrying about how other people will react- at least when it comes to harmless shit like this. people spend so much emotional bandwidth trying not to stand out too much, trying to be appealing, trying to be normal, but... aren't you tired of being nice? don't you wanna go apeshit? in the process of growing up, a lot of us forget how to have fun and do things for the pure unfettered fuck of it- and i think after the last few years in particular- and especially with how dire so many things are right now- we need to learn to play around again. it's not... irresponsible to stop doomscrolling and spend some time brushing doll hair or walking through the woods carrying a horse head on a stick, it's vital to being a person that we get away from the all-staring void of despair and do something that makes life worth living now and then.

we can't be there for people if we aren't okay ourselves... whatever gets you through the day, no matter how small or silly it may be, cling onto that and take your happiness deliberately.  listen, i'll wrap up this blogpost here, but the long and the short of it is this: we're all weird and cringey. we collect dolls. as someone who visibly cannot fit into mainstream society, you either live under a rock or you say Fuck It and make your weirdness everyone else's problem to cope with. and i've lived under the rock, folks! it's miserable and full of despair! so my earnest advice is Fuck It, everyone! buy the horse head on the stick. take your dolls out for that photoshoot you've been thinking about for weeks now. wear that fursuit or that lolita coord or that cosplay and get some starbucks- as someone who's worked retail, seeing that shit would make my WEEK.

replace the shame in your life with an appreciation for whimsy, and let's all try to learn to have fun again! (and sure, it ain't easy... i've spent too much of my life, shall we say, trying to justify the cost of my own survival. i still do not like myself in a broad sense. i still have many difficult days, especially recently, because once again i do not have access to my medication! (if this was insulin or blood thinner, I Would Be Fuckening Dead! but people do not consider The Brain to be an actual thing requiring treatment the way we do the heart.) but despite the many, many things that are Bad in this world and my life... it's the little things that make it bearable. and i hope that all of y'all can find something similar, whether it's dolls, hobby horses, or something else entirely. be cringe. be free. be WHOLE. and in the meantime, i'm gonna continue to be bonkers. let's hope i can get my medication before the summer gets here! and anyone else impacted by this, my condolences. hang in there. i'm sorry it's like this. we'll get through it, yeah? yeah. we got this.

~Anonymous

[trashsketch]

Weirdly Specific Artist Ask Game: 1, 2, 13. 16, 21, 27, 30

Art programs you have but don't use

I....downloaded Blender hoping I could learn it after graduating from college but to this day I've modeled just one pathetic cup with bad topology and nothing more HJDJKJFDK

2. Is it easier to draw someone facing left or right (or forward even)

It used to be left, but both sides are even for me now! (forward is hard)

13. A creator who you admire but whose work isn't your thing

The guy behind ClipStudioTips on twitter is Dadotronic, and I admire his work ethic and dedication to trying out new methods for creating art! his artwork isn't really my thing LMAO but still I suggest checking out both his accounts

16. Something you are good at but don't really have fun doing

I'm good at animating (I think???) but I don't really have fun in the process of it, only the outcome of animating is nice :') so I suffer in the process to wait for the serotonin to kick in after seeing all the frames move very nicely

21. Art styles nothing like your own but you like anyways

Aimee Chiang on instagram makes really good and comforting comics reflecting on life, and makes them in both English and Mandarin!! Her use of colours is whimsical and when paired with the cute bubbly style it's like nothing else I've seen prior to it, and yet it feels a little nostalgic to me. I adore her work

27. Do you warm up before getting to the good stuff? If so, what is it you draw to warm up with

If it's like drawing circles and straight lines to warm up then I dont really do that hjdsjfdgjd I just go straight into drawing heads and half body gestures and back views because I enjoy it :')

30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated

Ok I poured my heart and soul into painting this artwork of Mito for the hxhladieszine and it's probably the algorithm but it didnt get that much traction on twitter ;w; I'm still really happy with how the landscape and colours and lighting turned out on that though!!!

[boeswhore]

Hello lovey. Lots of info so hope it's okay to submit this, asks/responses to your post didn't have enough room.

Physical:

• WATCH SOMETHING FUNNY. LAUGH. Laughing is literally the best thing you can do for your brain, even if you're FAKING IT - your brain LITERALLY DOESNT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.

•I like to do the physiological sigh (you can google it) two inhales and long exhale. It's an evolutionary breathing technique our bodies do automatically when we cry, and it's designed to calm your system down and activate your parasympathetic nervous system (rest/digest vs fight flight freeze fawn). 

•one thing i like to do for grounding is standing on the Earth barefoot for maybe 5 mins (in the sun if possible) If you're able to do so, do it! If you cant go outside or its too cold, for whatever reason, you can lay on a bed or on the ground and visualize yourself connecting to the earth with a rope/cord

•There's also a gentle technique called havening that's pretty relaxing. Insight timer is the best app I've found for free meditations - and my fav meditations are yoga nidras or Non-Sleep-Deep-Rest (40 mins is equivalent to 4 hours of sleep). Meditation is a PRACTICE, and your brain is not meant to "SHUT OFF" or "go places" like spiritually, so you can start with 5 minutes and just watch your thoughts go through your head. I highly recommend Ally Boothroyd on YouTube and Insight Timer (she has 5 min to over an hour meditations)

•Meditation not your thing? - try ASMR/adult bedtime stories/calming sounds like windchimes. Calm Whale is my fav youtube for this.

•Drinking a warm drink, or tea is also lovely. Take a warm bath and make it an experience - oils, crystals, bath salts, music, weed/alcohol if you indulge or any other drink/substance that makes you feel good/ light candles/bubbles/ just BE

•There's also a great technique, the 5,4,3,2,1 method: State 5 things you see State 4 things you feel State 3 things you hear State 2 things you hear State 1 thing you taste (or sense in your mouth)

•Another lovely technique to help provide DOSE chemistry to your brain (Dopamine, Oxytocin, Serotonin, Endorphins or the feel good chemicals of the brain) is to think of a time when someone has complimented you, or when you have witnessed another human being doing something loving for another. This is the best known form of a "gratitude" practice - when we recall a time someone has been grateful for us and told us, or when we witness someone else being grateful to someone else. (Andrew Huberman/Huberman Labs podcast discusses this on an episode about gratitude.)

•Yell/scream/punching something If you have a pool/bath, going under water and screaming is SO GOOD to get that shit out

•shaking your body/dancing helps release stuck energy/emotions (google for more medical/info)

Spiritually/energetically •Ask for angels/guides/Spirit/God to surround you •Light a candle •Pray/Say affirmations •Talk to an ancestor/someone who has passed on •hold/connect/visualize any black crystal •Draw a tarot/oracle card or ask someone else to do so for you if you don't have access/or you can use a book, flip to a random page and put your finger down and see what message you get. You can ask a question or just leave it open. (generally you'd want to use an uplifting book, and not like a murder mystery lmao)

Also just like - give your self a fucking break. You're human. You're 18. You're chilling. Life goes on from WHATEVER you are experiencing and you can HANDLE IT.

You got this babe. Message me if you need more info on anything listed xoxo hope something here helps. <3

[hurricanewindattack]

Thank you for tagging me rhu @metatomato and ana @formulinos!

1. why did you choose your URL? Well, I burp a lot. So, like, I just imagined, what would they call my burp if it was an anime move? Hurricane. Wind. Attack. Oh wait, you meant why. No, idk why.

2. any side blogs? Nopes, this is the onee!

3. how long have you been on tumblr? Last year. rhu sent me a couple of rad posts from @formulinos' Hyperfixation Corner (it was called F1 Fridays then) and I decided I must join the website to follow her.

4. do you have a queue tag? idk how queues work lmao, and I'm too scared to find out.

5. why did you start this blog in the first place? I figured the most interesting thing I do is make papercrafts, and the audience in this place is better than instagram's (in that, they actually like f1), so a ladies' man like myself would become an instant sensation. So far, that has not happened.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp? I love my headphones. They're open back, so they don't keep the background noise out, but they sound like heaven on earth. It's like a home theatre system I can take with me. They're called the Sennheiser HD58X "Jubilee", go get a pair for yourself!

7. why did you choose your header? '90s F1 cars are the prettiest. Don't fight me, you'll lose.

8. what is your post with the most notes? This little breakdown of why I feel criticising F1 for racing in countries with bad HR records often has racial undertones. Art wise, it's this 70th anniversary technical drawing on the evolution of F1.

9. how many mutuals do you have? Fourteen lovely people and counting!

10. how many followers do you have? 65 right now.

11. how many people do you follow? 42. The answer to everything.

12. have you ever made a shit post? Idts, I am not cool enough.

13. how often do you use tumblr a day? I usually lap up my entire dash, which isn't much, I follow very few active posters haha.

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog? Idk, after 4 years of debating in college I usually let go when I have irritating disagreements with people. Or we have civil disagreement and call it a truce. If someone truly pisses me off, I will not hesitate to pull out the cheese grater (🧀🔪✨) though.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog’ posts? I reblog usually haha. They're often about important causes that I agree with so no harm done.

16. do you like Tag Games? Yesss. Most of all the serotonin rush of being tagged (senpai noticed me)

17. do you like Ask Games? I do, yes! same reason as above.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I love how you can't tell on tumblr. But compared to me, everyone is :P

19. do you have a crush on a mutual? Yes. On all of you. You are all cool and pretty, and your blogs are delightful. It's hard to pretend otherwise.

20. Tags! @green-like-the-sky, @x-44, @k-ky, and anyone else who wants to do this!

[modern-oedipus]

Hi, I read your latest post and I got kinda concerned. I'm not good at the whole comforting people thing, but gosh I really wish I do now. Cause recently, when I have these kinds of days too, one of my source of strength is actually your posts. I love how you're always seem so passionate about your major and how you're always so self-encouraging. It inspire me to do the same. On some bad days I wake up and cry and then think: "No, I don't wanna be like this, I need to stay positive like Nila!"--

I’ve been thinking about this post a lot. I even showed this to some of my real friends like, “Look! Today may have sucked but at least I have this!!” and I just... don’t know. I haven’t been trying to force positivity. I don’t like forced positivity. I was just being myself, though sometimes I indeed tried to be more “positive” intentionally because— I don’t want to lose my mental health again. But it’s far from a lying-positivity. So I’m shocked and grateful beyond words that me being myself could actually inspire you— thank you for that.

You know, I don’t think world is all too bad. Neither all too good, but victimizing myself and crying over it for extended amounts of time never worked. It never made a difference. So nowadays when I need to cope with such emotions I allow them to flow, and then I try to cope in more healthy coping mechanisms— Like, instead of laying down in dark and sleeping and/or venting to people about how depressed I am, I hit up the gym (seriously, it FORCES some serotonin inside my body, which is good), I try to get a nice snack, or I try to talk to my friends if they’re available, or I try to write fanfiction, or draw something, or spend time with my family, or just do some self care like cute nail-polishes, or tidy my room, or just have a walk.

The trick, for me, is not to get detached.

But sometimes I can’t. Sometimes I just really need to sleep it off or stay away from everything for a while. Sometimes I don’t have energy for any of it. But it’s okay too— Because I recognize the fact that I’ve gone through a real depression and some traces of it may still hit up to me from time to time. Or maybe it’s just me being sad. I let this last for— maybe that particular day? Next day? But I try to prevent it from extending more than 1.5 days. Again, this is just me, not a professional diagnosis, but I can’t afford to lose myself to a depressive episode so I find it extremely important to recognize small triggers and deal with them by bite size methods rather than procrastinating them so they pile up and crash you.

But truth to be told, I was about to be crashed, like, that depressive-feeling was ongoing for more than 2 days until yesterday to the point it made me post that, but your message?? Really??

There were two MAJOR things that seriously cut me out of that terrible hellhole yesterday and none of them were MY coping methods but outside help. (Which is, okay, to seek outside help, as long as I wouldn’t overdo it and make other people have bad mental health either.)

• you texting THIS

• my biochemistry professor saying “Well, office hours are restricted but if it’s you, you can come anytime as long as I’m here” with a big smile @ me

Your text made me feel human

And his words made me feel as if I’m a worthy enough scientist

So like. These two things are the only reason I made it through the day?? I am still feeling in awe because the problems that crashed on me yesterday are not things I can solve within a day but I need long, long termed efforts and throughout planning for them, but now whenever I feel really down I just remind myself of your text and like— “THIS is how I look like?? But this is exactly the type of person I want(ed) to be. The type of person I worked hard to be. Then I’m.. doing it right??”

So I don’t know, but thank you.

Also a little reminder for everyone else except you who is reading this: See? Reaching out to someone to check out on them can actually make a big major change on their life so please please don’t be anxious, don’t keep your thoughts in, I am sure they are worth sharing and spreading.

[kingspacebar]

haha hi its me again... im genuinely curious and i know you answered something similar to this on your last stream but i cant remember what you said so ill ask this time 😏 what inspired you to start drawing like CRAZY amounts all the time? im asking in an awestruck manner not in a hateful one btw. also another question i have is whether you prefer more complex/detailed refs or simpler refs when drawing someone else's character. i personally prefer complex ones because i love reading about people's ocs

So firstly, I have always drawn a lot, though much slower than now ofc, and I get huge hits of serotonin seeing numbers go up/down, and am very competitive.

Back when I was primarily on DA, I was commissioned to draw someone's character who had 800 images. I don't remember how many images space had, but it was much less. I thought that having a character with 800 images was the coolest thing ever, and that I wanted that too.

So I started getting faster, and practicing very specifically how to do that. I still use methods developed by me during that time of getting him to 800.

After getting him to 800 I felt SO COOL.

But then I checked the top images list

And saw it for the first time...

Manitka had so many more images than me (13k at the time iirc)

And Oh BOY I GOT EXCITED

I found where Space was in the pages, and got to work just trying to pass the next person above him.

Back then, 1,000 images was enough to get you halfway up the front page, so there was much less work that needed to be done while going up the ladder,

Manitka at the time was still uploading their backlog of art, and was uploading frequently, so I watched as #1 went higher and higher, and after reaching 6k (which is top row) I decided that yes, I will one day become #1.

So I worked to lower my times, and got faster and faster.

And here we are

I am now #1, hold many characters on the top page, and am still working to get as many images for my kids as I can. I do think it'd be really cool if I could get my kings (Space, Gary, Arlo, Truffle, Yuzuru, and Angel) to be the top #6 on site, though that would require passing Manitka 5 MORE TIMES ASKDJAKSDJALkj,,, which,, would be awesome if not slightly unrealistic lol

I tend to prefer more complex refs! I also like reading about peoples characters, and I love seeing characters especially if they have media/likes on their refs or at least some kind of expression sheet/personality description to pull from for ideas!

Sometimes people will have it writen in a characters profile code but for stuff like artfight, although I'd love to read your 14 pages of lore... please I just need to draw this character correctly quickly give me like 2 sentences askdjasldkjaslkdj

I also tend to dislike simpler refs (i mean refs that are literally one unshaded fullbody in generic pose) bc Im scared I'll draw the character out of character??? Cause that happens to me a lot and I don't really like it,,, Like yes this art is cool but,,,, he wouldn't do that :,)

[bowieisworried]

Good very late morning and a happy sunday i hope you can relax today!

Ah it's always sad when you stop keeping up with a group you really like(d) but then you find a new one to get excited about and that's always a great boost of serotonin so i guess that's just the circle of life .. or kpop or sth haha

My very professional google form tells me 44.8% of my biases are still rappers and 37.9% are vocals i wasn't expecting it to be so close lmao

The hand prints!!! i always love broken wing imagery and that one Really did it for me

good storytelling is always the thing that draws me in the quickest. That's the biggest reason i got into kpop starting with bts because back then they still had these overarching plot lines in their mvs and they were so well done and it was so much fun coming up with theories... i miss that a lot tbh

but at least txt is doing an epic magical story! and i can always go back and watch old mvs...

oh have you ever watched monsta x All In mv? it's an absolute masterpiece and the storytelling is amazing!

watching rtk i didn't think i'd ever get into tbz but then i also watched kingdom (legendary war blabla) this year and now i know all their names idk what happened i blacked out for a month or two i think lmao

As for my favourite rtk performance you Know i have to say come back home bUT that's too easy so i'll say LIT simply because they gave seoho a rap part and i started screaming when i saw it for the first time

i'm a simple rap stan as we have established, it's very easy to get me excited

how about you?

That gifset!!!! yEs i know how he got u haha gosh that mv is so Powerful and the choreography is insaneee

i shall debut was A Lot i'm not gonna lie but i always use variety/reality shows to get into the groups and learn their names so it was okay. tbh it had nothing on the confusion of watching Going Seventeen when i only knew like 6/13 members dhdjhh it's fun also always gives me an excuse to watch the same stuff again later because i know i didn't understand all the inside jokes and stuff yknow

do you have a favourite way of getting to know group members?

I think you'll be happy to know i spent yesterday on the couch showing a friend Every oneus mv and she absolutely loved it.

We Got One Folks!!! i started with tbontb and come back home (obviously) and she was Hooked from the first 10 seconds it was so much fun!

Have a lovely day <33

~ santa

Hello! It's evening for me now because I've spent all day packing for a move lol

Yeah, I don't really know why it happened either. I liked the two comebacks since I got into them, but I just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Oh that is actually pretty high for the rappers!

Ah, I know someone else who got into kpop for BTS as well. Same as you, they miss the quality plot and whatnot. I'd never seen (or even heard) All In, but I just watched it, it was great! Monsta X actually had one of the first kpop MV's that left an impression on me when my mate was sending a bunch of stuff to me. The 'Find You' MV. It was brilliant.

Oh my god xD The Boyz really rocked it on RTK, shame they couldn't keep the momentum on Kingdom. I have no idea how you've managed to get all their names down though, there's too many of them for me lol.

Ooooh LIT, yes! Loved that Seoho got his rap part, honestly he needs more, he's so good at it. My favourite... either Be Mine or the collab stage they did (cannot remember the name). I'm a massive Shakespeare nerd so Be Mine hooked me, and then their collab stage was just really touching.

Hahaha, they really can be a lot in the beginning but they are good for getting to know folk, especially their personalities and stuff. Seventeen are another group that I 100% will never get down. I can point out Scoups and... the American dude. Vernon? Apart from that though, nope. I think the second a group goes above 8 my brain just says "Nah man, leave them be." lmao

Hmm... sometimes I'll watch one or two of the silly "guide" videos on YouTube, they're a decent starting point when trying to get to know them. After that though, I tend to just pick up what YouTube recommends like variety show stuff, behind videos and things like that.

Yass!! Can't wait until they land up digging themselves deeper into the black hole that is Oneus content lol

Oh, just thought, do you have any Oneus (or kpop in general) albums? Would be cool to know who you pulled!

Have a good one :D

[justmickeyfornow]

Ok so... I'm not rich but I'm not poor either. I have a comfortable life. Always had food on my plate, etc. I'm gay and it's a "secret" (my family doesn't know) And today, I woke up depressed. Almost 2 years ago someone broke my heart when they dumped me and it made me go into a depression spiral that just got me crazy and made me want to kill myself. Every now and then I think of them, check their social media etc and this morning I woke up feeling alone and lonely. And I just don't know :(

Not sure if I’m the best person to give advice out there, but I guess I could give it a try :)

Here’s what mostly works for me. The magic fix to all of this is just to fill your time. It worked for me and maybe it’ll work for you too. Don’t let yourself have the privilege of too much free time. Because that's your biggest enemy. The more free time you have, the more you’ll be thinking and overthinking shit. You’re either studying or you have a job right? Well the rest of those hours in the day try to fill them. Work on a project. Go to the gym. Hang out with some people. Read a book. Read Fanfiction!! Learn chess. Learn how to code (this is what I’m trying to do lately. So far, it’s fun! You should try it).

Actually the gym thing might be one of the most things that was able to keep my mind off of all the scary stuff. It’s the reason I started going to begin with. I had a lot on my mind, I was going a bit crazy and I hated sitting there and thinking about it at home. So I went for a jog and it took my mind off of it a bit. Next thing I knew, I was signing for a gym membership and going everyday ever since. It’s a huge stress reliever. Even if you’re not the type to go, do it anyway. I even pushed myself so far that I got one of those expensive memberships (That I really really couldn’t afford) just so that I would guilt myself into going everyday. And so far, I haven’t thought about that incident that shall not be talked about (scary harry potter style voice) in a long while (crap, I just thought about it now.....).

Do something that you’re good at and that you love. You’re good at drawing? Go fucking draw your heart out! Writing? Write stories until the end of time. Dancing? Singing? Playing a musical instrument? Whatever it is, do it. And there’s no such thing as “I’m not really good at anything”. So I better not hear you saying that. There’s always something that you’re really good at. Not perfect. Just good. Because if you’re just good at something, then eventually you’ll want to make it better and better until you get as close to perfect as possible. I had a friend once that lived her whole life with the notion that she wasn’t good at anything. She’s 23 and last year me and her found out - accidentally - that she can do math in her head in lightning speed. I randomly asked her what’s 12x32 and she did it in her head in less than two minutes, no pen no paper. And she was just as surprised as I was. She apparently thought everybody could do that (God knows I can’t!). So find something you’re good at and fill your time with it. I always complain about writing for Paranoia Incarnated, but the truth is it takes my mind off of the billion things that I’d rather not think about.

Social media. There's absolutely nothing wrong with cutting off from social media. Sit down and really think about it: When you browse through a certain social media account/page/thingy (I don’t even know what’s it called? I’m not really good at that stuff), what do you normally feel? Is it depression? Numbness? Endless scrolling of nothing? Jealousy? Then just delete it. It's so easy to delete an account its crazy that not more people do it. If you feel happy. You read things that make you smile. You rant about characters you like. Squeal at drawings someone drew. Smile at a cat picture. Then keep it.

As for being tempted to check up on that person that hurt you. Now, I personally believe in the opposite of Exposure therapy (concealment therapy?). If something bothers me or tends to stir up negative feelings in me, then I just make it disappear as best as I can. If it's a real person, I avoid them. If it's someone online then I block them. If it's someone I'm following, then I just unfollow them. If it's a situation, then I make sure I’m never put in a similar situation again. Yes, I know, not really a healthy thing to do. But, again, I’m a crazy person and healthy is not really something I’m very good at. So, if you really wanna go down my slippery slope, then just either unfollow or block the URL that takes you to her page. It’ll give you some peace of mind. Whenever you’re tempted to check up on her, then just get up and do something else. Open up Paranoia Incarnated and read the fluffy happy moments! There’s an idea! (Suggestions from PI? The pancakes for dinner conversation. Two penguins getting married at the zoo. Kara taking a nap for the first time in Lena’s office which is also the first time she tells Lena she’s beautiful. Leia’s chapter! The famous scotch cookies (I love this chapter!) and last but definitely not least because I was laughing my ass off while writing it: Lena trying to tap her head and rub her stomach and failing miserably!)

Now, let’s talk music. Choose one song that calms you down. Think of one song or one singer that every time you hear, you feel your mind drift from what you were doing just to properly listen to that song. Choose one singer whose voice can literally stop you from having a panic attack. Now, convince yourself that once you hear that song/singer that you'll be alright. I swear to God it works. If it didn't work for me I wouldn't recommend it. But it works for me.

Eden is that singer for me. I have a few songs for him that if I feel like I'm having an anxiety attack or any sort of scary nervous breakdown, I can put on my headphones and just play one of his songs and it’s like I could breathe again. If you’re interested in Eden, let me know and I’ll recommend which songs you should listen to first.

(Also, here’s a link to the Paranoia Incarnated Spotify playlist. There’re some songs on there that might help too.)

Speaking of music, your ask actually reminded me of this song that I adore. Put some headphones, close your eyes and listen to it. I have a feeling it might help ya out!

As for suicide. The only reason you're thinking about it is because you're keeping it as an option. I'm a practical person. I like to keep things practical. And simply not having suicide as an option can change your whole mindset.

Think of it like a bridge with water underneath it that you have to cross. This bridge is long and old and rusty and just slowly falling apart. But you have to get across no matter what. The water underneath is calm so it’s possible to swim there but it would still be hard. Both options are difficult but still both are possible. The third option is simple. Easy. You could just fly to the other side. Except you can’t. Because it’s impossible. It’s not an option. So you don’t think about it when you’re faced with the situation of crossing the bridge. Therefore you’re left with the other two options: cross the bridge on foot, even though you might fall down and get hurt. Or swim there, even though it would be extremely tiring and exhausting and time consuming and just plain difficult. But in the end you don’t have the option of flying.

Same goes with suicide. Don’t keep it as an option in your life, and you won’t think of it. Pretend that it’s impossible to suicide. Pretend that it just doesn’t exist. You do that, and I guarantee you won’t think about it as much.

There's no such thing as a permanent problem. Keep that in mind. Whatever you're feelings are towards this girl now, chances are they're gonna change in a couple of years.

I know you don't wanna hear this, but the truth is you're probably gonna go through so much worse to a point that this problem would seem like a walk in the park. And if you've really grown, you wouldn't think of suicide then either. Because you'd realize that you got over that first problem that once upon a time seemed like the worst thing you could go through. You actually got over it. You survived it. And you'll smile and think that you'll get over this too.

There’s also nothing wrong with feeling lonely. I wish I had a fix for you, but I still haven’t figured that one out yet. I tend to just ignore it (I’m starting to realize I live life by simply ignoring many many things. Maybe not the healthiest thing in the world....) As soon as I feel myself drowning in that feeling I simply get up. Do something. Anything. Go do the dishes. Hell, I sometimes get down and do 20 pushups to get my mind off of it (That usually works, seeing that once I reach 12 pushups I’m practically dead). Actually the pushups thing also acts as a sort of response treatment. Your mind will slowly realize that everytime it feels negative feelings you start torturing it with pushups and it stops pushing negative feelings towards you. Does that make any sense? I feel like that might not be the healthiest option. Maybe consult an expert? I dunno. I sometimes do it and it helps me, but I’m just a crazy person so I what do I know.

Other random things that I’ve done that were extremely helpful in changing my mindset:

1. Drink fruit water! Yup! I know it sounds ridiculous, but it kinda works. Grab one of those big water bottles that you take with you to the gym. Cut up a lemon (I prefer half a lemon), an orange, a cucumber, and some mint. Stuff them in there and fill it with water. It actually tastes pretty good. And it washes away the toxins in your body.

2. Dark chocolate! Not only is it healthy, but it releases dopamine (the little beautiful trigger in your brain that makes you happy) and increases your serotonin levels (the little beautiful trigger in your brain that makes you calm).

3. DRINK TEA!! I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW MUCH HAPPIER IT MAKES YOU. IT’S PERFECT. IT’S GORGEOUS. IT’S TASTY. IT’S JUST..... *SIGH*

4. Buy a bulletin board. Put it up in your room and go crazy with it. Pin up your goals. Projects. Your resolutions. Whatever it is. Make sure it’s on that board so you could see it every single day.

5. Smile a lot.

I dunno if any of this is helpful. But most of this stuff worked for me so I’m hoping it’ll work for you. Just read a lot of fanfiction, spice up your life with some smutty ones too and you’ll soon forget about that girl.