#i haven't drawn like this since high school im trying to get back into it

[watery-melon-baller]

now that im free of classes i am drawing like a MADMAN. I've done nimona sketches and now im mostly done with a toh painting and who knows what I will do next!!! The creative juices are fucking flowing!!!

[hurrakka]

Hi! Artist here

Was wondering if you’d be willing to share how you make your comics. I’m very fond of how expressive they are, and it is crazy to me how fast you make them and such. Totally understand if you don’t though! You’re work is awesome! :D

Oh hehe *twirls nonexistent hair* ty <333 tho thinking Im fast is giving me too much credit bc I coulda sworn Im slow as balls! Ngl I haven't made these much comics since 2019??? RE (esp 6) was just the lil push I need to get back in the groove of things. So anyway here's a scuffed explanation of my process. Like all of my art, I'd begin making small thumbnails, general layouts, panel placements etc. But since these are comics, I have to make a script for the dialogue so I can allot the placement of speech bubbles as they are important to the composition (also I'm kinda terrible at dialogue in general so it's best to prepare it instead of writing them on the spot, after the comic's done)

Yes, this chickenscratch is how I visualize things. (1st one is 'Nick Startled the Witch' 2nd is 'Sasha Yeets Leon Off Roof' and 3rd is 'Jerma Vengaboys') To ensure clarity even at a glance or when I'm not wearing glasses. Sometimes whenever I read comics or manga, I have a hard time processing things (call it a skill issue sure) so keeping this in mind I want things to be easy on the eyes, make the elements flow naturally as you read. Something something golden ratio ohmygodisthatamotherfuckinjojoref- Okay ngl, there may be some merit to my speed in making these. Not all panels need to be perfect, so you don't have to spend every waking hour on every single detail. So only detail parts that you want people to look at the most. I remember someone once mentioned that you can get away w/ easy comics if the faces are drawn really well, esp when it's dialogue heavy.

Also that one phrase from DDLC "If your pen is stuck in one spot, it'll leave a splotch of ink" smthin like that, yea I apply that to art as well. Saves a lot of time! And for the expressive part, I mostly rely on physical/slapstick humor. The Jerma Vengaboys comic was a test to myself if I can still pull it off or improve upon it. My main inspo when making these comics, is isismasshiro on deviantart. They have so much comics, all portraying characters in a Tom and Jerry-like scenarios, hold on I'll grab some of my fav panels from them.

These ones, and others have stuck with me from high school until now. That's how you know a composition is so good, and I try to set myself to that standard (emphasis on trying sfgkheg). The influence their art has on me is clear as day in the Jerma Vengaboys comic lol Anyways, really glad you like my stuff :] and thank you for the interest in my process. Sure I have a lot to explain, but I either don't wanna make this longer than it should be or some of the info I may forget.

[amb00bs]

Aaahh, I'm loving the pics from the springs! It looks so beautiful, and the water is so crystal clear. 😍😍 I love being outside, and I'm so jealous. We have rivers, lakes, and mountains where I live, but the rivers and lakes are never THAT blue and THAT clear.

I love to hike, kayak, fish, etc. Get my ass outdoors, and I'm in heaven. It's how I reset.

I've dated a couple of witches, and the witchy things intrigue me. However, I'm more into druidry. 🤗

Thrift store, antique stores, flea markets..... are all places I wouldn't mind spending my weekends. 😂 I use Facebook marketplace (modern yardsaling) entirely too much.

I am an introvert to my very core. Unless it's a concert/music festival, I don't want to be in a large ass crowd. Also, I went through a rough time, and the workers at the only gay club in town know me too well at this point. So, I prefer hanging out with friends around a fire. 🤣😂 I also enjoy disappearing for days at a time (my best friend calls it hobbit holing), and I only talk to my essential people to tell them essential things, like, I'm alive. 😂😂

The camping part of a music festival is ROUGH, and I fucking love camping. I always had our Bonnaroo site set up with a private shower, all the good camping stoves for meals, and a big ass fan. Yet, it still was absolutely miserable. My friends and I talked about doing a final hoorah and renting an RV for it.

I'm always down for music recs, and I do trust your taste now. So, sure!! I'm down. 😁

Thank you!!! I've been feeling so drawn to water lately, so any chance I can, I'm going to a spring. I wanna check out one's I've never been to, as a kid, my mom only took me to a select number of them, but florida has HUNDREDS of springs! I need to see them all!!! Lmao. But where are you from??? You said mountains, and I perked up, we don't got those here in flat ass florida 👀 and I haven't gone kayaking since high school, and that was the first time I've gone lolllll so I really wanna try that. Or paddleboarding. It sounds so fun!

And ooooo what is druiddry??? I don't think I've heard of that?? Im still a newbie with the witchcraft thing, so I don't practice often. But I just love the things I've learned so far. It's so freaking cool and fun hahah

I also use market place often, but my algorithm is messed up and I don't see anything cool other than rvs and places for rent 🥲 I need to fix it to see what cool shit is around. But yesssss my mom always took me thrifting and to yard sales/flea markets as a kid. I grew to love that shit myself lol!

And dudeeeeeee, I camped at Electric Forest and Imagine (with a big group) and I still couldn't enjoy it. I was miserable. I love the aspect of meeting neighbors and hearing all the wooktivities, and going to afters. But I need a proper bed and shower. An rv honestly sounds like a great solution!! But I know renting them isn't cheap, and getting an rv pass can be difficult since tickets for them are limited! But I hope you are able to do that! That sounds like a blast!

And yeah, lately I've been seeing my friends every weekend, but during the week, I'm to myself and take a business day or two to text back. So I get it 😂 and okay!!!! I send send you some mixes. That will probably be easier than sending a whole set of songs. Do you use soundcloud? Here's a Svdden Death mix back from 2020 when we only had digital raves online lmao: https://on.soundcloud.com/zA3dD

And a heavy mix from mvc 10:

https://on.soundcloud.com/vcXNq

They are long, so take your time listening. Maybe on a work commute or while cleaning lol. And if you don't like it, be honest! I can help you find other stuff you might like instead.

[simply-sams-things]

We can try to make it work

Something I thought of a few days ago.

Reader is 13 weeks pregnant in the beginning

Spelling is not the best cuase I'm tired.

Summary:You meet the cast of Bohemian Rhapsody 6 weeks after you found out you were expecting your ex boyfriends baby. He knew but wanted nothing to do with you or the baby. So you put on a brave face and continued your daily life but with a bump. You are a make up artist for big movies and today was your first day on the Bohemian Rhapsody set. You were excited becuase its a Queen biopic which who dosent love Queen!?

****************

You walked into the tralior you parked next to which said Joe Mazzello and Ben Hardy on it because thats were you were told to go. You felt a little sick but you took a bottle of ginger ale in your purse incase you got sick. You walked in to see a man with lite brown hair and a man with blond hair trying to make a conversation but failing.

"Hi I'm Y/N nice to meet you" you started off when you put your purse on the counter with your name on it.

"Hi I'm Ben. Ben Hardy" the blonde one said putting his hand out for you to shake. You shook it.

"Nice to meet you Ben" you said "and you are?" You said looking at the brown haired man.

"Joe. Uh Joe Mazzello" he replied

"Well hi Joe I guess I'm doing your make up today since your in my chair but we can't start till 8 and its 7 so we have an hour" you told him. "Ben I think Ryan will be here in about ten minutes so dont worry you're not being left out"

Ben chuckled and said he was going to go find some food and asked if anyone wanted anything the both of you said no but thanks for offering.

"So Joe where ya from" you started

"New York. You?"

"Oh I'm from ______"

"How long have you been doing makeup if you dont mind me asking"

"Well since I was small but I didnt get into it until I was in high school and after high school I went to beauty school which lead me into the film industry and now I'm here"

"How about you with acting?"

"Oh I've been doing it since I was very young and I played in some big roles but now im playing John Deacon in a Queen biopic which is amazing" he said excitingly

"You were in Jurrasic Park" you realized

"Yes yes I was!" He said laughing which caused you to giggle.

Ryan walked in at that time and said hello and set up his situation and you realised you had to set yours up. Joe watched you and you knew so you simply gave him a smile through the mirrior which cuase him to blush.

You felt it get hot in the tralior suddenly and took your sweater off showing your tiny bump and Joes eyes quickly adverted away from it as soon as he realised he was staring at it.

"Joe its okay to stare at it I dont mind" you told him knowing the look he gave it. It was one everyone gave after they saw it. Mabye it was becuase of no ring on your finger or mabye it was becuase you were only 25. Either way who knows you were used to it.

"Sorry I just umm wasnt expecting a bump"

"Nobody does but it kinda happens when you get pregnant mine just popped out a few days ago" you said with a chuckle.

"Sorry again"

"Dont be Joe its okay I dont mind you looking at it just don't stare at it to long cuase that's a bit weird" another laugh to lighten the mood. Ryan had no idea what was going on and just listened to the strange conversation unfolding in front of him. Ben, thank god, walked in and sat down and greeted Ryan. It was 7:30 so you thought it was a good idea to start Joes look but of course the second wave of nausea washed over you and Joe noticed.

"Y/N you okay?" He asked you.

"Yeah just wait a bit I'll be back in a minute" you grabbed your Ginger ale and walked outside in the still cold morning air. You walked around the trailor and sat on the curb. You were chugging the Ale and didn't notice Joe looking at you.

"Are you okay?" His question scared you and you jumped. "Sorry. Sorry didnt mean to scare you just making sure you're okay." He sat down next to you.

"Yeah no its okay I'm fine Joe go back inside I'll be there in a few minutes just needed air"

"Are you sure it looked like you were going to get sick"

"Just morning sickness thats all but it wont be until a few more weeks till its gone im fine though really" you told the man.

"Okay well I dont want to be rude and leave you so I'll stay here with you until you want to go and do my face"

You laughed. "You dont have to but thanks I'm ready to go back just needed fresh air."

You both walked in and you did your thing while only almost throwing up once. You walked to set together and for the next six weeks you talked about your families and lives and you had enough courage to tell Joe about your situation with the babys father with the rest of the cast one night at dinner.

"Wow thats just a loss for him" he told you.

"What do you mean?" You asked

"He misses out on being in the life of a child and its mom" he said

"Joe are you flirting with your makeup artist?" Rami, the man who plays Freddie Mercury, asked Joe. You had grown close to the rest of the cast quickly and helping them when their personal artist were not around.

"No I'm just saying he lost something a lot of people want to have" Joe said looking any were but your eyes. At the time of the conversation you were 19 weeks.

Gwilym, Brian Mays actor portrayal, noticed the tension and asked you a question you never thought about.

"So Y/N are going to find out the gender?"

"Well I haven't thought about it yet" And the truth was you hadn't then you realised that appointment was in three days. "Crap I have an appointment in a few days"

"Why is that a bad thing?" Lucy asked. Mary Austins look alike.

"No its not but I have nobody to come with" you said with a frown. Everybody looked at you and then Joe and then back to you and then back to Joe.

"What?" Joe asked.

Ben then spoke up.

"How about Joe and I go with you? If thats okay with you of course"

"That would be lovely Joe you listening?" You asked

"Yes I am but that's your thing I dont want to interrupt that moment"

Everyone groaned.

"Joe its alright you and Ben can come with I think it would make it more interesting to be very honest."

Two days later Ben texted the group chat saying he can't go cuase he had a date. But Joe and you knew what he was doing. He pulled a move were three people had plans but the one who invited backs out and leaves the other two too do the thing.

Joe picked you up so you didn't waste gas and energy and he wanted to talk about the whole Ben thing.

"Y/N you look lovely this morning" he said when you opened the door. You were wearing leggings and a black maternity shirt that said 'coming this June' as well as a big jacket.

"Well thank you and you look good as well" you told him. Joe was wearing jeans and a blue shirt and a jacket. Simple outfit for a normal thing he thought.

He opened the car door for you and went to the driver side and started the car and the radio was turned on full blast which Joe had forgotten about and apologized when turning it down.

You were laughing and said its okay multiple times. Joe was embarrassed.

At the appointment you had to get your blood drawn and was going to get called back right before you found out the baby's gender. You hate the thought of your blood getting drawn. It scared you to the point were you wanted to leave.

"Hey its okay but you need to do this I'm right here incase you need me" he told you.

"Can you come back with me please?"

"Of course"

"Y/N Y/L/N" a nurse called "Hi I'm nurse Gina your husband can come with you cuase we will head right to the ultrasound room after the test"

"Oh he's not my husband just a friend" you explained

"Umm okay well he can come back"

"Joe?" You motioned for him to follow

You sat in the chair and set your arm out while Gina put the blue band above your vein. Joe noticed your scared face and put his hand out for you to hold. You grabbed it and he started to distract you.

"So Y/N what do you want the gender to be?"

"Oh I dont know a boy maybe?"

"A boy would be nice you can teach him all your tricks to make people focus like you do on set"

"Yeah" you felt the needle but then it was done and you looked over and saw that she was done. You let go of Joe's hand and said sorry for crushing it.

You were taken back to the room and you got on the table and gave Joe your purse.

"Okay so I'm swole right now so dont judge my mountain" you said with a chuckle

"I would never" he said bashfully. You lifted your shirt and Joe poked it. Making you laugh.

"Okay Y/N this will be what?" Gina asked

"Cold!" Joe and you said at the same time and that caused you all to burst into a fit of giggles. You wondered how Joe knew that.

"Here we go" Gina said and put the cold gel on your belly and then the doppler. She started with the normal stuff like heart and brain and lung growth and she even did the heartbeat. Joe was amazed by that part. And then Gina took a few pictures of the baby.

"Alright are you finding out the Gender today?" She asked

"Yes we are" You replied

"So let me just go and find were the part is cuase your baby is kinda low but thats great right now cause it needs to be head down for delivery" she said while moving the device around your belly.

"Its a.....boy!"

"Really!?" You asked about to cry and then you looked at Joe who had a big smile which cuased you to cry.

"Yep! And he is very healthy so dont worry about that. I'll leave you two be" Gina said cleaning off your belly and leaving. Joe helped you get off the table and gave you a hug and kiss on the head.

"You got your boy"

"I did!" You exclaimed still crying

"Hey why you crying?"

"Oh just becuase in happy and hormonal."

"Lets go get brunch to celebrate there is a nice place down the street"

"Okay!"

A few weeks later it was the week before Christmas and you were going to visit your family at your grandparents cabin in Vermont but you had told them you were bringing your boyfriend. Problem was you didnt have one and that's how you ended up on Joe's front door step scared shitless and wanting to leave but as you were about to leave Joe opened the door.

"Y/N is what are you doing here? Are you okay? Is the baby okay?" He asked pulling you inside.

"Yeah everything's good nothings wrong. you were leaving I should go" you said turning but Joe grabbed your hand.

"No whats going on? My date can wait family is first"

"Date? Joe go its fine it doesn't matter"

"Yes it does Y/N whats up?" He said pushing you to the couch and sitting down next to you.

"Well umm okay so I'm in big trouble with my family" you started "I told my family that I have a boyfriend and that I would bring him for Christmas but you see I dont have one and now I'm going to show up pregnant which they know but I told them that I was still with his father but obviously I'm not cuase he's a dick and is a no-show to anything" you said fast needing to take a breathe.

"I dont understand why you're here though" he told you

"I was going to ask if you wanted to come to my familys cabin and pretend to be my boyfriend but now I feel like an idiot so I should just go" you started to get up but Joe pulled you back down and into his lap.

"Joe I'm going to break you"

"No you won't" he said "I'll do it"

"You dont have to if you dont want to" you said

"I want to plus it would be fun a free cabin trip"

"Joe are you sure?"

"Yes I am Y/N"

"But dont you want to be with your family I'm sure you do Joe"

"To be honest I was actually going to Rami's house so this is an upgrade" he said with a chuckle.

"Okay then 'boyfriend' what are your limits?"

"What do you mean?"

"What can we do and not do, to convince my family we are a copule?"

He told you all the stuff he was willing to do such as holding hands, hugging and even a kiss on the cheek. You agreed and set your boundaries.

Four days later Joe and you took the journey all the way to Stowe, Vermont to your grandparents cabin. He drove but it took awhile cuase you had to pee a lot but it was still fun. You took pictures in every town you came upon and had lunch in a little town outside of Stowe. When you got to the cabin, your parents were already there including the rest of your family.

"Joe they will ask you a bunch of questions and I'm very sorry about that"

"Its okay, hey its okay are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes"

"Okay then lets go 'girlfriend'!" And he hopped out of the car and went to open your door. You walked up saying you would get the bags later. When you got to the door your aunt opend it and grabbed you into a big hug saying you has gotten so big since she saw her last and was kissing your face and hair. Joe was trying not to laugh. She saw Joe and brought him into the hug and said welcome to the family.

"Kathy let those children inside they are freezing!" Your mom said.

Aunt Kathy moved and let Joe and you inside. Your mom and dad knew joe and what he was doing so he was happy to have familiar faces around.

"Joe! Y/N! You made it!" Your dad said.

"Yes we did sir" Joe said

"Hopefully she wasn't to much for you!" Your mom said

"Of course not! He on the other had was a bugger!" He said pointing to your belly and laughing. You held on to his hand the whole time.

"What was my grandson doing that could be so annoying?" You mom joked "have you felt him move yet?"

"No not yet but the doc said this week we should feel him move" you said

"Well come on in you must be tired and hungry"

The rest of the day was spent talking and having many family members asking Joe his whole life story and also touching your bump and waiting to feel any movement, but your boy was stubborn and wouldn't budge.

Joe and your dad brought in the bags and took it to your room. You were in the kitchen with your mom when she asked a question.

"Do you like Joe?"

"As a friend yes" you said low incase anyone was listening

"No as boyfriend materiel silly!"

"I dont know mom, he is my best friend in a way. I feel more connected to him more then i do with others. I like him yes but I'm afraid he wont like me back mom."

"Baby he likes you too I can tell by the way he looks at you and trust me I know that look because your father gives that look to food and you know he loves his food"

"Mom!" You said laughing

"What he does!"

Later that night, after your shower you walked into the bedroom and saw Joe on the bed looking at the t.v. looking for a channel. You decided to climb in next to him and try to fall asleep but it was hard cuase it was cild in the room no matter how many blankets you had on you.

"Are you alright?" Joe asked "You're shaking the bed"

"I'm cold" you said sounding hopeless and that broke Joes heart.

"Well we could uhh...if you want to...cuddle to keep you from dying of frost bite?" He finally manged to get out

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

And before he knew it you were next to him still shivering but next to him. Your swollen belly touching his stomach and your arms pulled close to you while his arms managed to find their way around you. But he started to get annoyed cause you kept poking his stomach.

"Stop poking me"

"I'm not the baby is poking you...wait you can feel that too!" You said looking up at him

"Wait that's the baby!?" He said looking down at you. His hand then found its way onto your belly trying to feel him kick again. You then guided his hand to the right place and he said 'wow' under his breath and you smiled and put your head on his cjest and kept moving his hand wherever the baby was kicking.

"I like you too you know" he said out loud. Your heart went a million times fast becuase he heared your conversation with your mom, but then it sank cuase he probably was doing it only becuase you were a single mom.

"Joe-"

"No listen I like you in fact I love you becuase you are so strong and are raising this little guy all by yourself and the moment you walked into that trailor a few months ago I was certain you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. When you took that sweater off and I saw this guy for the first time I got sad cuase I thought you were taken but when that dickwad of a ex boyfriend called you saying all those horrible things about you at Gwils birthday party I was enraged becuase how could anybody say that to you or anybody-"

He was stop by you becuase your lips were crashing against each other. He sat up more and sitting you into his lap. You leaned back from the kiss smiling.

"Joe I love you and I have since that first day" you gave him another long and passionate kiss. "You have changed my world in so many ways-" you felt a few tears run down your fave. Joe brushed his thumb over your cheek to wipe them away."-I love you so much"

"I love you to Y/N more then the world combined" he said leaning into another kiss but just then your son felt jealous and kicked you extremely hard Joe felt it and winced a little.

"Ow!" You said putting your forehead on Joe's chest and he started rubbing his hands up and down your back.

"Are you okay love?"

"Yeah just hurt a little he must feel left out I guess" you explained

Joe leaned down aa bit just above your belly and started talking to it.

"Hey little man I know you can hear me so listen up! I like your mom a lot and I was trying to kiss her before you made yourself known which is great becuase your moving but before I kiss your mom I want your permission first okay? Can I kiss your mommy?" He asked and you bursted into a fit of laughter.

"Joe!"

"What?" He asked smugly

"He is kicking like crazy now thanks a lot" you said moving off of him and looking at the clock noticing it was 10:30 at night.

"Well I should take that as a yes" he said before moving back down to cuddle you again.

"Okay mister we should go to bed tomorrow is Christmas eve and I'm tired" you said moving your head on his chest and he wrapped you back into hos embrace.

"Damn it" you whisperd

"What?"

"I have to pee."

The next morning as you got dressed you felt a pair of arms wrap around your shoulders and you leand back and looked up at your lover.

"Hi" you beamed up at him.

"Hi" he said before placing a kiss at your lips.

"Are we the real thing now?"

"I guess" he said before spinning you around to hug you.

"Well, boyfriend I'm happy becuase after last night I wanted to eat some sour patch kids and well since you get the honor of being with me this means you get to go to the store and get sour patch kids for me" you squealed patting his chest before looking for your bra and shirt for the day.

"Wait thats no fair I want some too!" He said looking at you looking through the drawrs trying to figure out were you placed your bras.

"Middle one honey" he told you

"How do you know that?"

"I watched you unpack yesterday and then you told me to remind you that you put them in there" he said after pulling his shirt over his head.

"Well I'm going to come to the store with you so i can get my candy as well"

You walked down stairs hand in hand and saw your mom cooking breakfast you then wanted to instantly help but she asked for Joe and told you to find your father. You gave Joe a look but he waved you off and you wandered around looking for your dad.

"Joe I heard you and Y/N talking last night and I couldn't be happier but I want you to know if you hurt my baby and grandbaby in anyway no one will find your body" she told him "understand?"

"Yes Ma'am" he said "I love both of them alot in fact with all my heart and soul. She has changed me and that baby boy has changed me as well. I love them to the moon and back and I could never hurt them."

"Good because they are my world Joe and you are now because you're in our family now! Now help me with this food or your girlfriend will be angry and she is a mean angry hungry person like a very mean one!" She told him pulling him into a hug. She noticed that you and your dad were listening the whole time.

"Ease-droppers!" She exclaimed letting go of Joe who turned around to see you and your dad standing there smiling.

"Mom stop threatening my love" you said going up to give Joe a hug and grab some bacon.

"I will as soon as you stop stealing the food!" She said playfully slapping your hand and you retreated it with two pieces of the bacon and handding one to Joe before walking out to the living room. Your sister was there talking to her husband and watching their three kids play. You had two nephews and a niece. The twins, Gabe and Quinn, we're 6 and Katy was 4. They adored you and when they saw you they all fought about who was going to sit next to you and on your lap.

"Hey kiddos I love you and all but nobody is sitting on my lap" you told them.

"But auntie why!?" Katy asked.

"Well your baby cousin is making it hard for anyone to sit on my lap even doggies can't sit on my lap anymore!" The three gasped.

Then Quinn got down close to your stomach and started talking.

"Hi baby cousin it's your biggest cousin Qinn I want to ask you a favor! Can you move back so I can sit on auntie's lap because I want to and I haven't in a long time love you baby cousin!" Every one in the room chuckled and you sister asked you and Joe a question about the baby.

"Have you guys got a name for him yet? because I have a few!" You looked at Joe who shrugged.

"No we haven't actually but I have thought of a few" you said looking back at her.

"Really? What are they?" Your brother-in-law asked.

"Umm well I liked the name Landon, I thought it was cute. I want a unique name cause I can tell he is going to be an interesting baby already. I also like the name Ashton" Joe watched you and listened with a passion.

"What about you Joe? Do you have any names" your sister asked Joe didn't want to admit but he thought of names for his own children in the future so he just said those ones.

"I like the name Sutton. It's a gender neutral name I've always liked." Your heart melted that was the name but you would tell that Joe later.

"Those are nice names!" Gabe said.

"Yes auntie they are but the name Katy is the best!" Katy said

"Of course it is Katy girl!" You smiled "how about we go play in the snow! So we can pass time while we wait for Grandma to finish breakfast!" You suggested

"Yay!!" Everyone said

*******

After your Christmas Eve feast also known as Chinese food, your whole family say in the living room. You were on the couch and Joe was at you legs while Katy sat on your lap. She somehow fit and because you just ate you knew that the baby would start kicking soon and he did Katy looked up at you in awe and squealed. Everyone looked at you both.

"Auntie's baby is kicking me!" She said joyfully

Everyone rushed over and felt him kick and then they sat down.

"Is it wierd?" Gabe asked

"A little but I'm used to it now"

"Alright kids time for bed because santa is coming tonight!" Your sister said

"Can auntie put us to bed?" The three said all at once rubbing their eyes.

"If she wants to" she looked at you

"Of course I will I am happy too but after you guys are out I'm going to bed because I want to know what santa brought me!" You said heading up stairs behind the three.

Once in their room you tucked the twins in their big bed and gave them a kiss on the heads before going over to Katy's bed and tucking her in.

"Can you sing us a song please?" Quinn said very sleepy sounding.

"Okay loves what song Gabe?"

"I don't" he yawnd "know"

"Well how about moon river? I sang that to all three of you when you were baby's"

"Okay" they said

"Moon river wider than a mile

Crossin' in style someday

My dream maker

Heartbreaker

Wherever you're going I'm going the same

Two drifters off to see the world

It's such a crazy world you'll see (What I see, who I become)

What I see, who I become

We're all chasin' after our end

Chasin' after our ends

Life's just around the bend, my friend

Moon river and me"

You ended the song and kissed all of their heads as they fell into a deep slumber dreaming of tomorrow. The baby was going crazy the whole time and as you walked into your room you saw Joe on the bed with a big smile on his face.

"What? Do I have something on my shirt?"

"No"

"Then why are you smiling like an idiot right now?" He laughed and motioned you to sit on the bed and you did.

"I like your voice"

"You heard that!?"

"Oh yeah and it was beautiful and sexy"

"Joe!"

"It was and it adds another reason to love you even more"

"Thank you for that compliment and I guess your not the only one who thinks so because he was going crazy the whole time!" You kissed Joe and he hummed.

"Sutton is a nice name Joe I like it"

"You do?"

"Yes I do it's a beautiful name"

"I wasn't going to mention it to you but I'm glad you like it." He kissed your head as it laid against his shoulder "Do you want it?"

"What no that's your name babe I could never take it"

"I want you to have it" he thought for a second "well him have it" he rubbed his hand over your belly.

"Are you sure because we can name him something else"

"We?"

"Well yeah because we are together I'm sorry it's to soon I shouldn't have said anything"

"No no no I like it the sound of we and that you trust me with this"

"Joey I love you stop being perfect but don't stop please" you said getting up to change into more comfortable sleep clothes which ended being Joe's shirt and some flannel pants.

"Don't stop being sexy please?" He said while you cuddled into him.

"Okay I won't as long as you're enjoying the veiw I won't!"

******* part 2 coming soon

[mynewblogishere]

Lately, I feel so lonely and depressed. And when I feel the most lonely and depressed I always feel drawn back here. Probably because when Tumblr was "active" was probably the last time I felt like I had any kind of community. I'm pretty sure my last few posts here have been something about missing the community here.

I'm nearly 38, happily married with 3 kids, and probably the most alone and depressed I've ever felt in my life. It's 10:11pm. I was just in the shower, the 2 youngest kids asleep in my bed, and I was thinking about how I've never been good at anything. Not a hobby, a sport, a school subject, not good at friends, or most relationships. I just wanted to lay down and cry and give up. Showers are supposed to help, at least for me. They usually renew my soul or some shit like that. Make it easier to carry on another day. I feel like such a failure. I think a lot of all the things I never did. I never lost that weight, I never bought a real house, I never got over my shyness, I never found something to be passionate about. I feel like a crap mom. A shit wife. My oldest is depressed. I have her in therapy but I can barely talk to her. I'm really good with the littles, but not with the oldest. We had a rough patch when I was pregnant with my 3rd. She was 13 or so and terrible to me. I felt like I had no idea who she was anymore. A total stranger. Probably typical for her age but we had always been so close and suddenly she turned on me hard. She's ok now but I haven't been able to find my way back and I don't know why. Maybe because my relationship with my own mom sucked. But I'm failing her and I don't know how to fix it. My little kids love me, but I fear the same thing happening with them when they become teenagers. Will I not recognize them anymore? Will I lose the connection I have with them too? Is this normal? I can't tell. I remember being close to my own mom until about that age. I moved out at 16. I felt like she hated me. Like she couldn't wait for me to leave, so I did. She didnt try to stop me. Didn't try to bring me home. And now 20 years later she likes to guilt trip me about how she never gets called mom. I always see her comment to other people about how great they are to their moms. But I don't feel like she's my mom. The word mom feels icky to me. Everything I ever did was wrong. Every word. Every gift I bought. Every opinion I had was wrong. She lives maybe 5 minutes away. She comes by 1x a month. For maybe an hour. My littles don't really like her. They don't know her. How could they? She doesnt want to be here but gets upset that they don't know her. I try to do nice stuff for her when I can but it doesn't matter really. It's never as nice as what her stepdaughter can do. I use to call her . I stepsister but recently realized that she never reciprocated. She would tell people I was her dad's wife's daughter. Nevermind that our parents have been married since I was 6. I guess I was never her sister. Last year, when I posted support for Kaepernick, her husband blocked me. I unfriended her so she wouldn't have to be subjected to my dirty liberal ways. We haven't talked since. Holidays are weird now. I'm sad for my kids. They were little when the pandemic hit. So they already don't know most of my 'family' but now that most of them hate me, they really don't know anyone.

I spend a lot of my time on tiktok. I follow a lot of young mom's, most have littles like me, but they're all young. Early 20s. I can't relate even though sometimes I forget that. I'm almost 40. My oldest is almost graduating high school. I'm simultaneously in two separate stages of momhood. One kid about to be done. If I had stopped after her, id be so close to done. But my youngest hasnt even started school. He has 2.5 more years or so. I won't be done for a long long time. I'm going to very old by the time I'm done. And then what. What will I do? I feel like Im already too old to find a calling. I can't, I won't go back to school. What would I do anyways. What I really wish, I really wish I had friends. Friends in similar stages of life. Friends who could relate. I had Internet friends once upon a time. But I always feel like everyone hates me. So I stop "bothering" them and of course I never hear from them again so that proves me right doesn't it. They must hate me if they don't talk to me without my doing so first. But it's always been that way.

I was going to post this on my main account but I have chickened out and I think I'll just go ahead and post it on my backup account that nobody I know knows exists. Anyways, I'm out of steam. My sad is getting to heavy and typing it out isnt lightening the load. Maybe I'll post again someday and it won't be so sad.