#i have to avoid caffeine in the evenings though or else i do not sleep :(

[mixelation]

Are you a caffeinated drink enjoyer or do you prefer non-caffeinated drinks?

i drink an absurd amount of coffee

[grandline-fics]

hi! i just read all of your oneshots and they’re perfect, i’m in love. hoping it is okay to request something with zoro having a soft spot towards reader? he doesn’t even realize it a first, but since reader is somehow quiet and gentle (not weak though!) he starts to take note of small things to do/don’t do or notice their actions (ex: taking care o the crew) a lot more than others. thank you. <3

DESCRIPTION: Who knew you were Zoro’s soft spot? Apparently both of you are the last to know 

WARNINGS: none, just pure fluff

CHARACTERS: Zoro

WORDS: 856

A/N:  Thank you for your kind words and for this request! I hope it's to your liking. I've been feeling a little under the weather these past couple of days so some fluff was needed <3

MASTERLIST

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

It’s tiny things; little, practically meaningless things that are so easy to miss but they’re there. When you first joined the crew, your presence fell into the likes of his and Robin’s; strong but relatively quiet and easily looked passed if you wanted. You didn’t see the point in wasting energy needlessly and knew the value in waiting until letting yourself be known. Zoro unknowingly enjoyed that kind of calm you naturally brought and found himself gravitating towards it because it seemed even when he was in his own space you were still in his eye-line. In the beginning he found it a little strange that it kept happening, he knew you weren’t following him. Hell most of the times you were on the other side of the ship or talking with someone else so he cleared it as coincidence and thought nothing of it. As time went on, there was a lot he was putting down to mere coincidence. 

When you were all exploring new islands it was purely happenstance that you two walked side by side. Neither of you were the type to bound about and race ahead without a cause for urgency. He found he didn’t get lost as easily when you were close. You always seemed to know the way to go. On one trip Brook had commented to Zoro how lucky he had been that you were there to talk to him at the right moment otherwise he would have kept walking towards a path that would have taken him towards a ravine. Because of your voice suddenly pulling him into conversation he’d kept the right track and avoided possibly injuring himself and getting a lecture from the others. Lucky right?

It was also luck of the draw that when eating or drinking off the ship, Zoro was sat at the table in such a way that his back blocked you mostly from view from any unwanted stares. It was never in a subconscious way to keep you from interacting with others but it was like another sense he had that he was able to tell when you just wanted to sit with the crew and enjoy your meal. It seemed to go both ways too in that regard. If women tried to approach and flirt with him you effortlessly had a way of making a joke to dissuade them and steer them in Sanji’s direction. Was any of it done out of jealousy, possessiveness of the other’s attention, or an overwhelming need to protect? Not in the least, it was just doing what needed to be done to help out a friend and fellow crew-mate.

On the Sunny it’s no different. It’s not even a second thought, his body just reacts without thinking. In the early, barely waking hours when he’s finished his night watch and is about to grab a quick snack before training he always pulls out a specific mug from the cabinet and sets it on the counter. It’s never for him and like clockwork you appear just as he’s finished drinking a glass of water. Rubbing the sleep from your eyes and stifling a small yawn you always offer him a small smile and greeting that is returned. You both pass each other, your only motivation is caffeine to see you through the last of the watch before everyone else is awake while he goes to the crow’s nest to train. 

After all this time it’s never occurred to you to question why your mug is waiting for you when you rise. You don’t know why but it’s something that immediately makes your morning a little bit brighter. It’s also routine now that an hour or so after breakfast, you and Zoro both nap; him to rest between his training sessions and you to grab another couple hours after your night watch. Nami occasionally glances up from her charts to shake her head at your sleeping forms. Robin finds it adorable while Brook chuckles, nostalgic over youth and love’s first stages. 

“Jeez they’re both so clueless.” Sanji grumbles, he’s accepted long ago that he doesn’t have a chance with you but is so infuriated that nothing has actually happened. He lost you to the swordsman who hasn’t even thought to make a move. Usopp grins and watches as you stir slightly in your sleep which in turn makes Zoro react before his body relaxes again. Currently he’s lying on his back with one hand tucked behind his head. While the other that’s draped over his chest, his fingers almost touching yours that are curled by your head as you sleep on your side. 

From his spot on Sunny’s head, Luffy grins. “I don’t know. I think they do know, in their own way.” It’s the little, insignificant things that you both do for each other that are easy to miss and while a lot of little things add up into something bigger, none of it compares to the way that you and Zoro unknowingly look at each other at any given chance. Because that is something so big that no one else can ignore. 

[cuubism]

Computation

part 7 of Complex Mathematics

(aka Dream vs Technology -- Technology: 1, Dream: 0)

------------

Wednesday, 3:54am

Hob. what is the wifi password?

3:56am: why are you texting me when I’m in the same house?

3:57am: I did not want to wake you up.

4:00am: ……….

4:01am: Ah.

4:03am: it’s 12345. which is terrible security by the way

4:04am: how do i know this and you don’t? we’re in YOUR flat

4:05am: Computers are your friends, not mine.

4:10am: It does not like the password.

4:12am: alright i’m getting up

Dream creeps back into the living room, holding a cup of tea, as Hob’s tinkering with the router. Turns out it needed to be completely reset before he could reconnect it to Dream’s laptop. Not that this is that hard, but for some reason Hob doesn’t understand, technology is simply out of Dream’s grasp. Head in the clouds, too smart for basic computer skills, etc etc.

“A peace offering,” Dream says, placing the tea on the coffee table. He perches on the couch beside where Hob’s leaning over the router on its spot on the bookshelf.

“I’m not mad at you,” Hob says. He pats the router as its indicator lights finally turn green again. “I will take tea, though.”

“I woke you,” Dream says softly.

“You’ve woken me before, you will again,” Hob says with equanimity. Their sleep schedules are out of alignment, it tends to happen.

It’s the wrong thing to say, though. Dream cringes, hands folding in his lap. “I should be able to handle such things.”

“It’s just the wifi.” Hob finally finishes reconnecting Dream’s laptop and turns properly towards him. Dream still looks guilty about it. Sometimes Hob misses the time before they were dating, when Dream would bristle at him instead of caving. Just because he doesn’t like seeing Dream feel bad.

He takes the cup of tea and places it in Dream’s hands instead, briefly wrapping their hands around each other. “It’s okay,” he repeats. Possibly they should have a longer conversation about it, but Hob’s not emotionally awake enough for it.

Instead, he gets up and heads for the kitchen to put on some coffee. He needs something with more caffeine in it than tea.

“What are you doing?” Dream asks.

“Might as well get something done while my brain is online,” Hob says. He goes to fetch his own laptop from Dream’s bedroom. Lord knows it’ll need to get reconnected to the glitchy wifi again, anyway.

~~

Friday, 2:05pm

Hob.

2:06pm: ?

2:07pm: The wifi is angry again.

2:09pm: did you antagonize it?

2:09pm: hang on did you just wake up now?

2:10pm: I cannot comment.

2:12pm: I assume you have been hard at work in the library since six.

2:14pm: more like hardly working in the library. i did make an app that gives you a gold star every time you do the laundry

2:16pm: Will that assist in your routines?

2:17pm: probably not but it’ll be fun for 5 minutes

2:17pm: wifi password’s still 12345

2:18pm: maybe I should make an app for that instead…

2:20pm: I do not think it would help.

2:30pm: …You are not trying to make said app, are you?

2:34pm: nope just realized I’m late for a class and had to scramble out of there. I’ll be back later can do couples counseling for you and wifi then?

2:35pm: Very well.

For a while after putting down his phone, Dream stares at the wifi router in vexation, as if that will possibly make the angry red lights turn green again. He doesn’t know what he’s done wrong. He knows even less what to do to fix it.

He needs the wifi operational to keep generating these fractals. He supposes he could go to the library and use university wifi, but that requires going out in public, which is preferably avoided, at least while he’s trying to work. So he will have to do something else until Hob gets back from class.

He recalls what Hob had said. That instead of working on his dissertation he had made an entire phone app about laundry. He had said it so casually, like it was a doodle to pass the time. Dream can use apps—barely—but he cannot begin to fathom how he would go about making one. Hob does not understand how even in his procrastination he is exceptional.

Well. This is something that Dream can do. Hob hates doing laundry—hence the app-based reward system—but Dream doesn’t mind. He finds it meditative. He will have to be more precise about fabric care instructions now, as while his own clothes rarely range beyond grey, black, and dark blue, Hob actually wears colors which might bleed into each other.

He puts on his headphones with some music, gathers up the laundry from the bedroom, and goes about his routine.

When Hob gets back, Dream has finished hanging the laundry to dry and returned to his contemplation of the router, this time still with his headphones playing. He’s lost in thought, and doesn’t notice Hob’s come in until his hand lands on Dream’s shoulder. Normally a sudden touch when he’s thinking would make him jump, but he’s become used to Hob.

“Trying to solve your marital problems through telepathy?” Hob asks.

“We were never married,” Dream says. “Indeed we are enemies.”

Hob laughs. He kisses Dream on the cheek, then kneels in front of the router. “You have to stop tormenting my boyfriend,” he tells it. It only blinks back at him innocently.

Hob can be very silly at times. “I do not think arguing with the inanimate object will help,” Dream says.

“You never know.” Hob takes the router down and sets about unplugging all the cables. Dream still doesn’t know what any of them precisely do, nor how wifi works. It may as well be magic.  

Hob has it fixed within minutes, of course. Far more effective than Dream’s intense staring. He gets Dream’s laptop reconnected, and Dream is finally able to start generating his fractal. “Thank you,” he says.

“Anything for my love,” says Hob, getting to his feet again. “Guessing you want some time to yourself now to work on this?”

“Yes,” says Dream, with some guilt. Hob has come home to help him only for him to immediately bury himself in his work again. But yes, he does want to make progress on this at last.

“Well, good,” says Hob, and Dream turns to him in surprise. “Because I’m due for a nap.”

Dream still hasn’t formulated a response to this by the time Hob’s disappeared into his bedroom. Strange, that their routines can be so opposite and still meld together so well.

Hob pokes his head back out into the hall. “Did you do the laundry?”

“Yes,” says Dream.

“I could kiss you,” Hob declares, then blows one to him before disappearing back into the bedroom.

Dream presses his hand to his cheek, as if to touch a kiss that had really landed there. Smiles to himself. Then goes back to his fractal.

~~

Monday, 5:02pm

Hob.

5:03pm: Wifi?

5:04pm: …Yes.

Thursday, 9:50pm

…..Hob.

9:50pm: I’m sitting right next to you.

9:51pm: ….

9:51pm: I’m just gonna get you a new router. This thing’s got problems.

9:52pm: I think it is I who has the problems.

9:52pm: That too.

Saturday, 6:00pm

Hob.

6:00pm: Is it broken AGAIN??

6:01pm: No. I got dinner.

6:02pm: Oh!

6:02pm: Fuck I’m starving.

6:03pm: Coming back from class now.

6:03pm: Don’t touch the router it’s in a fragile mental state.

6:04pm: Aren’t we all.

~~

Thursday, 3:50pm

This time, it is the wifi in Hob’s flat that is stymieing Dream. He does not think it is broken. Hob has merely changed the password, as he’s much more diligent about internet security than Dream, and then forgotten to tell Dream what it is. Or, more likely, correctly assumed Dream would have to ask him again anyway.

He briefly contemplates trying to deduce the password, but it is likely an incomprehensible string of characters that Hob would claim is ideal security precisely because of the impossibility of deducing it.

He refuses to text Hob about it again. Hob has a class to teach soon—Dream has his schedule memorized—Dream does not want to distract him. Though speaking of…

3:50pm: You have a class in ten minutes.

3:51pm: FUCK

3:51pm: I got distracted

3:53pm: Now… running

3:54pm: You are not near the building, are you.

3:55pm: NOPE

Dream smiles to himself, thinking of Hob sprinting across campus. It happens often. Hob is good at many things, but time management is not one of them. This is why Dream knows his schedule.

He does feel… a bit silly, though. He should be better at this, should he not? Less bothersome to Hob over small things that he should be able to handle.

Normally he would go back to his work to distract himself from these thoughts, but he still can’t work on his fractals without being able to connect remotely to the university computers, which are more powerful than his own. This is something Hob had also set up for him, because Dream had not been able to make any sense of the instructions he had been given for remote login, and the like.

Sighing, he instead takes his sketchbook out of his bag. It’s been a while since he’s made any time for drawing. But he had started looking at fractals in the first place to better understand patterns in art, to understand resonances between what occurred in nature and what was projected by mathematics. And drawing used to soothe him.

So he starts drawing, sketching the fractal he has been generating—to the extant that he can with the imprecise instrument of his pen. Even in infinite impossible digital form, the branching spirals eventually become too small for him to see, though he knows they continue on in perfect replication forever, smaller and smaller until they disappear into atoms. He cannot recreate that level of detail by hand. But he tries.

By the time he gets another text back from Hob, an hour later, he’s moved to the floor to have more space. He’s found a bigger piece of scrap paper and is drawing the fractal again, in more detail this time, color-coding the different shapes, free-handing where he should probably use a ruler for more precision. He has achieved several more levels of replication than before, but it is still not right. He can’t get it right. If he could only use the stupid computer system he could get it right.

Finally he looks at his phone, several minutes after the text alert pinged.

Thanks love 😘

Unexpectedly, it makes him tear up. Always this happens to him. He does not realize how frustrated he has become with himself until it is too late.

Of course, to only make matters worse, he is still sitting hunched on the floor, pen clasped tight in his hand, teeth clenched so hard it’s hurting his jaw, when Hob comes through the door. He must have texted not far from home.

“Hey, love,” Hob’s already saying as he comes through the door, “meant to stop and grab dinner but I totally forgot— I’m sure I have something here, though— Dream?”

Dream hasn’t moved from the floor, or responded. Hob puts down his bag and comes over to him. He looks down at the fractal, which is still incomplete. “Did you draw that?”

“Obviously,” Dream bites. The pen is still in his hand. He drops it, scraping a hand through his hair. Great. Now he’s snapping at Hob, too.

Hob sits down on the floor beside him. He studies the fractal. Then points to one of the shapes that Dream’s colored in red. “That’s supposed to be purple.”

Dream stares at the fractal. Hob is right, it is meant to be purple. According to the way Dream had color-coded it digitally. He looks at Hob. “How do you know that?”

“I’ve watched you fiddling with it enough. We set it up on your laptop, remember?”

Yes. Dream remembers. He remembers how Hob had helped him.

“Wifi giving you troubles again?” Hob asks, looking from the drawing, to Dream’s laptop, which is sleeping on the couch.

Dream nods, then saws quietly, “Are you not… frustrated with me? Annoyed?”

Hob doesn’t need to ask what he means. “Sometimes,” he says, and Dream can’t help his flinch. “So?”

“So?”

Hob shrugs. “I would have missed that class if you didn’t text me.”

Dream does not understand the relevance.

Hob looks up at him, raising an eyebrow in challenge. “Aren’t you annoyed with me?”

Perhaps he is, at times. Recently, Dream has been too absorbed in his project to feel much about it at all.

“I don’t know,” he says. “It is just how you are.”

Hob seems to think that Dream still doesn’t understand the point he’s making, and perhaps Dream doesn’t. Hob takes his hand. “Look. I’ve no idea why someone as smart as you are is constantly defeated by basic technology, but it doesn’t matter. Always having to be the one to fix the router is a small price to pay for having you in my life.”

Dream’s mouth opens, but no words come out. He… he does not know if anyone has ever put up with him with so little complaint. For truly, it is not only computer troubles. It is all the small things that stack upon each other to make him feel different and difficult.

“I find I do not like…” Dream admits tentatively, “when you must do these things. That I should be able to do.”

“You did the laundry the other day,” Hob says.

Why must he jump topics in this manner? “I do not understand.”

“Well, we don’t actually live together, you know. You have your own laundry. You don’t have to do mine, too.”

“I thought it would help you,” Dream says.

Hob just waits expectantly.

Dream looks down at his lap. “Ah. I… see.” Hob finds him frustrating at times, he had said so, but still wants to help him. He finds Hob’s admittance that Dream is frustrating to be a relief, in its way. He would only feel more on edge if Hob pretended otherwise, surely to snap later when Dream was least expecting it, as so many have done.

“Give me your arm,” Hob says then.

When Dream does, Hob pushes up his sleeve, takes one of the markers from the floor and writes on Dream’s forearm, the wifi password is I love you.

“There,” he says. “Now you won’t forget.”

Dream touches the words with a light fingertip. “This is not good internet security.”

“Oh, so you do listen my ramblings,” Hob says, laughing. Always, Dream thinks. “What, you’re going to throw out my valentine because I cut the heart out a little wonky?”

He makes as if to rub the marker off, and Dream pulls his arm protectively to his chest. Hob’s smile softens. He carefully pulls Dream forward into a hug, Dream’s arm pressed between them. Dream tucks his face into the crook of Hob’s neck. It’s one of his favorite places to hide.

“I’ll help you fix your program after we find some dinner,” Hob tells him, rubbing his back.

“I think I should give up on using computers,” Dream mumbles.

Hob chuckles. “See how you feel about it after I make you some brownies for dessert.”

Dream hums in pleasure at the thought, and Hob kisses the side of his head. And Dream touches, again, the words Hob’s written on his arm, where it’s pressed between them. And allows himself to smile.

Wednesday, 6:03pm

Dream is attempting to cook dinner. Hob doesn’t think it’s going so well. At least not if the blaring fire alarm, which Hob’s just silenced by waving a dish towel at it until the smoke dissipated, is any indication. But it does mean he’s been treated to the sight of Dream with his sleeves rolled up, delicate hands at work—and wearing an actual apron.

Having soothed the alarm, he leans against the counter so he can shamelessly ogle instead of helping.

“What are you even trying to make?” he asks, eyeing the still-smoking oven.

Dream pouts. “Only bread. It should not be so hard.”

“You didn’t wait for me to get home to watch?” He imagines the sight of Dream aggressively kneading the bread dough. It shouldn’t be a turn on, but it kind of is.

“You would make a spectacle of my misery?” Dream says, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of his lips, like he knows exactly what Hob is thinking about.

“Definitely,” Hob says, and Dream sighs, but turns to take the attempt at bread out of the oven. It’s… pretty blackened, to be honest. “Butter’ll save it, I’m sure!” Hob says cheerfully.

“Nothing will save it,” says Dream, morosely. He pulls off his oven mitt in apparent disgrace, and— Hob catches his arm.

“How has this not faded yet?”

For Hob’s writing saying the wifi password is I love you is still on his forearm.

Dream looks sheepish. “I got it tattooed.”

Hob tilts his head at him, confused. “So you could remember the wifi password?”

“So that I could remember this.” He traces his finger over, I love you.

Hob feels a blush creep across his cheeks. But it’s a pleasant feeling. “This is not even my best handwriting.”

“I know,” says Dream. He does not seem unhappy about it.

Hob takes his arm, touches the words, too. “You could have just gotten this part done.”

“I think,” Dream says slowly, touching the part that says, the wifi password is, “that this is another form of the same.”

And Hob… finds himself tearing up a little. Because it’s true. It’s so silly that Dream, certifiable maths genius, struggles so much with basic computer skills. But Hob will do any silly thing for him, because he loves him.

“Yeah,” he says, taking a shaky breath. “It is.”

“Unfortunately, you can never change the wifi password now,” says Dream, and Hob laughs wetly.

“I really can’t, can I? Terrible security. The things I’ll do for you, darling.”

“Would that include making proper bread?” Dream asks, and Hob nods, patting his arm.

“We’ll fix it, don’t worry.”

Now he’s wondering how he didn’t notice Dream getting a tattoo. Though to be fair, they haven’t seen each other as much in the past two weeks as they usually would, thanks to very inconvenient scheduling. Apparently Dream’s taken advantage of that time to do this.

“Can’t let you out of my sight for a second,” he says, as he fetches a new bread pan from the cupboard. “God knows what you’ll come back with next.”

“Be careful or I will consider that a challenge,” Dream says, and Hob pauses as way too many images flash through his mind. He shakes them off. He’ll never be able to focus on anything like that.

And Dream, the bastard, is smirking.

“Watch that look on your face or you might find that flour you’re holding dumped over your head,” Hob warns, but Dream only looks victorious, and utterly uncaring of the bag of flour he's precariously picked up.

“How will you ogle me kneading the dough that way?”

Hob swipes a dish towel from the counter and throws it at him. Dream yelps and spills the flour, which poofs up in a cloud of white landing all over his black t-shirt.

“Hob,” he complains.

“Serves you right, you dickhead,” Hob says. It only returns the smirk to Dream’s face.

“If you feel that way perhaps I’ll decide I don’t need your supervision,” he says archly.

Hob tears a piece off of Dream’s first attempt at a loaf. Or rather, breaks off a piece, which is hard as stone. He shows it to him as evidence.

Dream snatches it and shoves it into his mouth. Bites down with a crunch so horrifying Hob’s afraid he’s broken a tooth. But Dream persists, chewing it painstakingly and then swallowing, as if by force.

“Taste good?” Hob asks.

“Yes—” Dream starts to insist—then dissolves into a fit of coughing that swiftly turns into giggles. Hob loves it so much when he laughs like that. It’s so rare.

Hob laughs with him. Then frees the crumpled bag of flour from Dream’s grasp and sets it aside, brushes the flour and crumbs from his shirt. Then he takes Dream’s arm and runs his fingertip over the words again, still in awe.

He again finds himself having to clear his throat to avoid tearing up. But he manages, and says, “Let’s get you some proper, not burnt bread, yeah?”

“Please,” says Dream, a tad sheepish. “I am… very hungry.”

Hob kisses his cheek, then goes about solving that problem, too.

[morgana-larkin]

Alright peeps! So I took a look at the poll and saw that most of you wanted the second part of 'Don't Call Me That' the most so here it is! There's everything in this one, heartbreak, angst, smut and fluff. A bit of a rollercoaster so good luck!

On another note: I'm working on part 4 of 'Mine' as that was the second most voted on. I also realise the poll is still open for another 4 hours but idc, you can still vote though!

Part 1

Don't Call Me That - Part 2

Warnings: Smut, angst, lots of fluff (Not in that specific order lol), happy ending

Words: 4.2k

Melissa didn’t get any sleep last night. Everytime she closed her eyes, all she imagined was you kissing her, and nothing was on her mind except the thought of you saying you love her. You still love her, even after her breaking up with you.

Melissa walked into Abbott a little earlier, she needed extra caffeine considering she got 0 hours of sleep last night. She barely survived the day, not only from lack of sleep, but seeing you multiple times, and everytime all she thinks about is your lips on hers.

The next day she barely got any sleep, about 2 hours. The next day was the same. She thought that at least it was Friday and she could sleep in on Saturday. On Friday, everyone can clearly see the bags under her eyes as they’ve darkened over the week, and the way she can barely stay awake. Melissa thinks that it’s good her students have a test to do today and a book report coming up, and a couple other things she can get them to do instead of teaching.

At the end of the day, you go to walk to your car and you pass by Melissa’s classroom and you can see her asleep at her desk. You walk in and you see there’s no one else there, so you walk over to her and shake her a bit. “Melissa?” you say and she groans but doesn’t wake. “Melissa!” You just about yell and she opens her eyes but doesn’t move her head. You kneel down to her level and look at her. “Hey, saw you sleeping, you ok?” you ask her and she looks at you with the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen.

“Am I dreaming?” she asks you and you tilt your head.

“What makes you think you’re dreaming?” you ask her.

“Because you’re here, you wouldn’t talk to me otherwise. If I was awake then you would just avoid me because I’m an idiot.” she says and you look down and sigh.

“Ok, come on. I’ll drive you home and then you can continue dreaming ok?” you tell her and help guide her up from her chair. You take her purse with you and help guide her to your car, as well as buckle herself in as she didn’t have the strength to do it herself. “Why have you been so tired this week?” You ask as you get in the driver’s seat and start the car.

“Because I’m being haunted by my stupidity.” She says and you snort, you then back out of the parking spot and pull out of the parking lot.

“What stupidity have you done?” You ask her.

“Breaking up with my girlfriend, Y/n.” She tells you and you then realise she has no idea where she is and might still think she’s dreaming. You know you probably shouldn’t but this might be your chance to figure out what’s really going on with her.

“Why was that a stupid decision?”

“Because I still love her so much. All I think about when I try to sleep is her kissing me or her saying she loves me. I can’t do this anymore, I need her.” She says and a few tears slip. “I’ve barely slept these past 4 days, I probably got no more than 8 hours of sleep combined. I’ve barely eaten as well. I broke up with her 3 months ago and I was still able to sleep and eat, I don’t know what changed.” She says and you think about it, you should probably help her out.

“Do you feel guilty all of a sudden?” And she lets out an airy laugh.

“I’ve felt guilty ever since I thought I should break up with her?”

“Ok, so not that then. What about the fact that she told you she loves you?” You ask her and she doesn’t say anything. “Maybe you thought her feelings for you would disappear when you broke up with her cause you thought that she would just find someone else?” You tell her and she still doesn’t say anything. You thought maybe she fell asleep so you glance over at her and she’s still awake. “Melissa?” You say and she looks up at you. “Did you really break up with me because you thought I should be with someone else?” You ask her and she sighs.

“Ya.” she says and takes a deep breath. “I was holding you back from everything you’ve wanted so I let you go so I wouldn’t be in the way because I love you and I want you to be happy, even if I had to watch someone else make you happy and give you what you want.” she tells you and her eyes slowly close and she falls asleep.

The rest of the car ride, you think about what she said. You’re honestly surprised by what she said. She thought she was doing something selfless for you, but instead just ended up hurting you both, she never meant to hurt you so much. And now you see the toll it’s taken on her to stick to her decision to try and make you happy. She’s willing to sacrifice her happiness for yours, you never thought anyone would do that for you.

As soon as you pull into her driveway, you gently wake her up. “Come on Melissa, you’re home, we should gotta get you to your bed and you can sleep comfortably, ok?” You tell her and she nods. She unbuckles herself but can’t open the door fully so you do that for her. You unlock her door with her key and you help bring her inside. You set her keys and purse at the door and you close and lock her door while she attempts to take her shoes off. You end up helping her with her shoes when she falls down and you help her back up and to her room. She falls on the bed when you get there and then you tuck her in, you go to leave after but she grabs your arm and you turn to face her.

“Will you stay with me?” She asks softly and you sigh.

“Ok, but only until you fall asleep.” You tell her and she nods. You get on the bed but stay on the covers instead of under and she wraps an arm around you. You admit that you do miss this and you miss her and her craziness. You turn around to face her and she’s still awake and looking at you.

“I do want you back, y/n.” She tells you and strokes your hair.

“What’s stopping you?” You ask her and she yawns and is slowly closing her eyes.

“The fact that you won’t be happy with me.” She says and falls asleep. You stay looking at her stunned and go over everything she’s told you, thinking that you weren’t you or she was dreaming. You then slowly crawl out from her hold on you and you replace it with a pillow so she doesn’t wake up.

A few hours later Melissa wakes up. She opens her eyes and realises she’s in her bed and has no idea what happened this week that well as she’s been so tired that the whole week has been a blur. She looks at her phone and sees that it’s 5:43pm and it’s Friday. She gets out of bed and hears some noises downstairs, she then grabs her bat and carefully goes downstairs. She gets to the middle of the stair when she sees you on the couch watching tv and she tilts her head and stares for a few seconds. She then continues down the stairs and you look over at her and chuckle.

“Were you planning on hitting me with a bat? You were friendlier when you were falling in and out of consciousness.” You tease her and she looks confused. “Do you remember anything from the end of the day to how you got home?” You ask her and she stares at you then shakes her head. “I found you asleep at your desk and then I drove you home. If you want I can drive you to the school parking lot to get your car and then go home.” You tell her, you don’t want to scare her if what she said while on the verge of sleep was true.

“You drove me home?” She tells you and you nod. “W-why?”

“Because I want to make sure you didn’t fall asleep at the wheel or stay at school overnight.” You simply say. “I bet you’re hungry since you also haven’t been eating, so I made you some mac n’ cheese.” You tell her and you go and get it.

“How do you know I haven’t been eating?” She asks when you reappear with a bowl.

“Cause you told me.” You tell her when you hand it to her and sit back on the couch. “Come sit.” You say as you pat the couch cushion.

“I wouldn’t tell anyone that.” She tells you as she obeys and goes to sit beside you on the couch.

“Wow you really don’t remember anything you told me.” You say and she freezes as she was about to take a bite.

“What do you mean?” She asks and takes a bite of the food.

“I mean we had a whole conversation while you kept falling asleep. In your classroom, my car and here, at your house.”

“What did I tell you?” She asks and prepares for the worst.

“Now I don’t want you to get freaked out ok? Cause you had no idea where you were or who I really was.” You tell her and that makes her feel worse.

“Y/n. What did I tell you.”

“You told me that you still love and miss me and you want me back.” You say and her eyes go wide. “You also told me the whole reason you let me go.” You add and she drops her fork. “And why you haven’t been sleeping, and you confessed that you’ve also barely ate in the past 4 days.” You finish and she’s just staring at you. After about 10 seconds she gets up and walks to the kitchen with her mac n’ cheese and you follow after her. She puts the bowl on the counter without much thought and she puts her hands in her hair. “Melissa?” You say to get her attention and she turns around looking scared and concerned. “What’s going on with you?”

“With me? It’s the fact that you weren’t supposed to know anything that I told you.” She tells you and she’s breathing hard like she’s on the verge of either a breakdown or lots of tears.

“Why? Because I’m just supposed to be happy with someone else as you suffer?” You tell her.

“YES!” She shouts and then looks surprised when she catches up with what you told her and what she confessed. “Since I already told you then I might as well say it. All those things that you want, you won’t get with me. But you will with someone else, someone else who wants to get married, have a family with you, wants to go out and be young and stupid with you. I don’t want those things anymore, and yes I do love you very much and do want you back. But I’m willing to put aside my happiness, if it means you get everything you want.” She tells you and you burst into tears, she immediately wraps her arms around you and hugs you. Your knees buckle and she guides you both to the floor gently and she keeps her arms around you the whole time. When you get to the floor, you place your head on her chest and she brings a hand to your head and strokes it soothingly.

You slow your crying down and sniffle a few times before you speak. “I don’t deserve you. You’re willing to give me everything at the expense of your own happiness. I really don’t deserve you.” You tell her.

“No, it’s me who doesn’t deserve you. You have been the bestest friend to me for 2 years before we got together, and after we got together you have shown me the best of love and care that I could ever ask for.” She tells you, and you look up at her and immediately kiss her. She automatically kisses you back before she has time to think. Once her brain catches up to what she’s doing, she doesn’t have the willpower to pull away, she used it all trying to stay away from you. Before she can register what she’s doing, she leans forward, bringing you back until you hit the floor of the kitchen. You make out on the kitchen floor for a good minute until you both pull away for air and you look at each other. Melissa suddenly is aware of what she did and she gets up before you could stop her and she scurries to the living room, you run after her.

“Melissa, would you stop running away from me!” You tell her and she’s turned away from you with her head down.

“You should leave y/n.” Is all she says and you walk up to her and spin her around.

“If you want me to leave then tell me while looking at me.” You say and she raises her eyes to your face and she’s crying.

“I can’t.” She says and you put your hands on her cheeks and wipe the tears away.

“Melissa, I want to be with you. If being with you means that I don’t get married, have kids or go to the bar every now and then with you then so be it. Because I’m only wanting to marry the right person, and that person is you. So if I’m with you or not, I’m not getting married. I don’t need kids to feel fulfilled, or to be able to say I have a family. I mean we can always get a pet like a dog, but you’re all the family I need. And I can go to the bars with my friends and be young and stupid with them from time to time if I really want.” You tell her and she starts crying even more.

“You shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything just to be with me.”

“Melissa, it’s not a sacrifice if what I’m getting is a life with you.” You tell her and you kiss her. Melissa immediately pulls back and looks at you, her hands on your head.

“Are you sure? You have to be 100% sure y/n.” She tells you and you think it over for all of 2 seconds and you nod your head.

“I’m 100% sure, I want to be with you Melissa.” You tell her and she smiles.

“I want to be with you too.” She says and this time she goes to kiss you. The kiss deepens and you start putting your hands all over her and you think you want to touch her skin and she’s wearing too much clothes, so you put your hands under her shirt. Melissa immediately pulls her shirt off so you can touch her and you unclip her bra and take it off. She’s always been the dominant one but at this moment, all you want to do is kiss her all over, so you walk forward until her back hits a wall and you go down to her neck and kiss and suck all over and she’s gasping under you. You then travel down to her chest and leave kisses all over until you attach your mouth to her nipples and start to suck and lick them. 

She’s bucking her hips under you and you know she’s not far away from pulling all her clothes off herself and guiding you inside of her. You’re working on her second nipple when she pushes you off and guides you to your knees. You go immediately into submissive like always and you pull her pants and underwear off. Melissa leans back against the wall and spreads her legs a little further so you can put your mouth there.

You attach your mouth to her clit and she starts bucking her hips right away and you pin her to the wall. Her hands go to your hair and she’s gasping and moaning at your touch. “Oh god, Y/n, that feels so good baby.” She says and when you know she’s getting close, you pull away and stand up. You push your body into hers and immediately insert two fingers in her and put your thumb on her clit. “God Y/N, I missed you so much.” She says and kisses you. She’s so close as she starts shaking but she doesn’t pull away from your lips like she usually does, you aren’t complaining though, you missed her as well and you’re enjoying kissing her again.

She comes not long after she starts shaking but you don’t stop, you keep fingering her and circling her clit and she lets out a high pitched gasp. “Oh god baby, yes, omg, don’t stop.” She says as she pulls away from your lips and gives into the over sensitivity.

She comes again not too long after the first and then you withdraw your fingers and put them in your mouth to lick them. She looks at you as you lick your fingers and you moan and that’s when she takes action. She picks you up and brings you to the couch, you’re so glad that she decided to remove the plastic as this wouldn’t be comfortable. She put you so you’re sitting in the middle with your back resting on the back of the couch. She starts kissing and sucking your neck and pulls your shirt off. She unclips your bra and yanks it off  right after then immediately brings her mouth to a nipple. You’re moaning and gasping under her and she smiles as she’s so happy that she’s back with you, she’s fully aware of how lucky she is right now and she won’t take it for granted. She takes more time on your nipples then she usually does and your patience is running thin as you’re dripping wet and you have a strong ache between your legs. 

“Melissa, please, I need you inside of me, please.” You tell her and she pulls back from your chest and smiles at you. She gives a quick kiss on your lips then leaves a trail of kisses from your chest all the way to the top of your pants. She quickly removes your pants and underwear, spreads your legs, leaves a few kisses on each thigh and then attaches her mouth to your entrance. You gasp as soon as her hot wet tongue is where you need her the most and she starts moving her tongue all over your entrance before entering her tongue in you. You moan as she starts sliding her tongue in and out of you and you're holding onto her hair for dear life. You start grinding into her mouth to try and get more friction so you can come and for once she lets you keep doing it, normally she would pin you down when you start grinding. Even in the middle of amazing pleasure, that fact is not lost on you, you notice it immediately then start to think of everything else she’s done differently. 

She kept kissing you when she was about to come and even when she came, when she usually pulls away as you love to hear her when she comes. She let you keep fingering her after she came and it seemed like she needed it as well, she only lets you make her come once as she usually ends up grinding your thigh when fingering you as she loves to watch you and it turns her on. She spent more time on your nipples then she usually does, to the point that you begged her to continue, and now letting you grind against her mouth. You put it all together and came to the conclusion, she’s letting you do whatever you want and making sure you feel good as she feels guilty. You reluctantly pull her mouth away and she looks at you confused,

“What is it baby?” She asks and her lips and chin is covered in your juices.

“Stop doing things differently, you don’t have to feel guilty ok. I feel really special about why you did what you did. No one has ever been willing to sacrifice their own happiness for mine.” You tell her and she smiles shyly.

“Of course, I’d do anything for you.” She tells you and you lean in closer to her.

“Then stop fucking me differently and start being yourself again.” You tell her and something flickers in her eyes before she pushes your head back to lean on the back of the couch then dives down to your clit and starts licking and sucking on it. Your fingers are still in her hair and you start grinding against her again, but this time she does pin your hips down. Then she does something she’s never done before, she snakes her hands around your hips and hooks her hands on your ass then pulls you up a bit and that gives her a perfect angle with your clit and you gasp her name out as you come.

She then immediately comes up and positions herself so her clit is on your thigh and she slides a finger in you and you moan as she starts sliding it in and out of you slowly. She then adds two more fingers and starts going faster while her thumb is on your clit and she brings her mouth near your ear.

“Unfortunately the strap is upstairs and I don’t have the patience to go get it, so we’ll have to make do with my fingers.” she says then adds a fourth and you cry out.

“OH MY GOD!!” You cry out as she fills you up with her fingers then her mouth goes to your neck and so much pleasure is coursing through you right now and you feel like moving but her grinding on your thigh is preventing you from doing that. So you do something else that will help stabilise you, you put your hands on her boobs and squeeze them. You don’t feel like that’s enough so you wrap an arm around her back and pull her into you more.

“Ooo” She says as she’s caught off guard by your actions. You come again about 5 seconds later and she doesn’t stop, she just keeps going until you come again and again and then you pull her away.

“Melissa, I can’t take anymore.” You tell her and she nods and gently pulls each finger out at a time. 

“Sorry I got lost in the moment.” She tells you and you smile but your body is shaking from the amount of times you came. She notices and then goes to your side and brings you both to lay down while she cuddles you to give your body the chance to calm down. You turn around in her arms then nuzzle your head on her neck and chest and she holds you tighter. “It’s ok baby, I got you, and I don’t plan on going anywhere again.” She tells you and you only nod as you’re falling asleep. She notices that you fell asleep and she gently strokes your hair. “I promise I won’t leave you again.” She whispers to you. “I won’t make that mistake again.” She says and presses a kiss to your forehead.

*3 years later*

You and Melissa are both standing in front of the house as you unlock it then Melissa grabs your waist before you walk in and she pushes the door open.

“What are you doing Mel?” You ask her as you’re smiling at her and she smiles at you.

“Well shouldn’t I carry my bride across the threshold?” She asks you and then picks you up bridal style and you let out a small squeal and then she carries you inside then gently puts you down. She wraps her arms around your waist and you lean into her touch and she puts lays her chin on your shoulder. You both then hold out your left hands and smile at the ring on both your third finger.

Melissa kisses your neck and then your puppy comes running in and Kristen Marie running after her. You and Melissa decided to adopt a little puppy a few months ago and you both are really happy with your lives now. Melissa re-thought her decision about getting married and proposed to you a year and a half ago, much to your surprise. Then you both agreed on adopting a dog and Melissa named her Bella. Kristen Marie takes Bella out one more time before leaving her with you guys. 

“Are you still alright with the fact that we got married?” You ask her.

“Oh, it’s more than alright baby. Cause I got to marry you, my happily ever after.” She tells you and you both kiss.

Taglist: @esposadejoyhuerta

@imaginesmultifandoms

@idonothingalldays-blog

@sexysapphicshopowner

@dvrkhcld

@lilfartbox1

@ricejucie

@unicorniusfallapatorius

Let me know if you want to be added!

[mlmxreader]

I Want My Partner Back | 141 x gn!reader, John Price x gn!reader

『••✎••』

↳ ❝ Hey! It's been a while, hope you're doing okay!

Saw your prompts and wondered if I could ask for “I’m sick of pretending, of fucking bottling everything up” With the 141 please? ( if possible not too much angst bc I'm a mess rn)

Thanks have a nice evening and stay hydrated! - @chubbyboyinflannel ❞

: ̗̀➛ There's something different about the Corporal, there's something... broken about them.

: ̗̀➛ trauma disorder symptoms, swearing, smoking

: ̗̀➛ when it comes to 141 or Los Vaqueros x reader, I will just choose one character from the bunch, btw.

•───────────────★•♛•★──────────────•

It had a very different name a hundred years ago, even seventy years ago it had a different name. Its name was always changing, never constant. Yet even though it could have been called a million different things, everyone always knew what it meant.

As the one who spent most time with you, Gaz was the first to notice; the long, unfocused and hazy stare. The flinching at certain sounds. The shaking hands. He noticed the subtle signs, like how you would spend a lot longer than usual in the bathroom and you would randomly break out in a sweat.

Of course, as your friend, Gaz wanted to ask you what was wrong, but as your Sergeant, he couldn’t. He knew what it would mean if he did, and he knew you would hate him forever. Powerless, Gaz only kept a diary to himself about it, noting down the different signs.

As the one you shared a dorm with, Simon noticed the biggest signs. The screaming in the middle of the night. The lack of sleep. The night terrors. He noticed the nightmares and how you would refuse to sleep after them. He noticed the reluctance to obey curfew.

But just like Gaz, as your Lieutenant, he knew what it would mean to bring it up. So he didn’t. You would despise him, and you would hate him for it.

The worst was Price. He noticed everything. As your boyfriend, he noticed the unwillingness to touch him, to even hold his hand, and how you seemed scared of yourself. He noticed how you would stare off, hazy and unfocused, for seemingly a thousand yards.

He noticed everything, even how you flinched when he put pepper on any food containing pineapple. Unlike everyone else, Price could actually bring it up; as your superior officer, he could argue for you to stay on the frontlines like you wanted to, but he could also secure treatment.

But you never spoke about it. If anyone brought it up, there was always some excuse. Food poisoning for the extended bathroom usage. Just bad dreams for the nightmares, night terrors and reluctance to go to sleep - you just had to stop eating cheese before bed.

Too much caffeine for the shaking hands. Wearing too many layers for the sudden sweating. Just caught off-guard for the flinching. Just hated the smell for the pineapple and pepper. Headaches and cold hands for not wanting to hold your boyfriend’s hand.

Always some carefully curated excuse to avoid talking about the actual issue. It never ended. But only Price had the ability to actually do something.

It was almost curfew when he pulled you into his office, making you sit in the chair opposite his desk as he stood across from you, his hands planted firmly on the dark oak as he glared at you, his jaw clenched and worry in his awful blue eyes; he scowled, looking like he was about to burst into tears.

“Talk.”

You shook your head, lighting a cigarette despite the “no smoking” sign on the door; neither of you ever bothered to adhere to it anyway. “No.”

“Talk,” he commanded, hunching over slightly so you couldn’t look away from him. “I know you paid the price of a mile, talk. I’m not here as your fuckin’ boyfriend, I’m here as your fuckin’ Captain, Corporal.”

You glared at him, shaking your head again as you took a long drag. You sighed. “What do you wanna hear, Johnny? That I’m sick of pretending, of fucking bottling everything up? That I’m so fucked up that I can’t keep doing my job? Is that you want? Do you need me to fucking say it into a recorder?”

Price gritted his teeth. “Gaz is worried. And Simon.”

“Gaz is my friend,” you breathed out. “He’ll be fine.”

He rolled his eyes. “You can’t keep going on like this, you know that. You’re gonna break.”

“Do I look fucking broken to you now?” You growled out. “Do I look like a fucking vase?”

Price fell back into his chair, folding his arms across his chest as he sneered at you. “Not yet you don’t. But you know what comes next.”

“I’m not doing a fucking psych eval,” you spat out. “I’m fine.”

“Tell me about Sarajevo,” he told you. “Tell me about the shooting.”

“No.”

“You need to talk about this,” Price said sternly. “I can’t protect you and keep you here, if you’re not willin’ to help yourself, y’know.”

You could hear it getting worse, the emotion bubbling up in his throat and forcing out that Scouse accent he did his best to hide from the others; you wanted to smile, but you couldn’t bring yourself to do it. You used to love hearing his natural accent. Not today.

“I don’t want help,” you explained, “and I don’t want my fucking boyfriend to be sitting here interrogating me, either.”

Price huffed, dropping it as he lit a cigarette for himself and took a long drag. “Fine, you don’t wanna talk? Don’t. But when you get dishonourably discharged, I won’t be able to argue against it and try and fight your corner.”

“I don’t get why you care so much,” you admitted. “It’s not like it’s gonna fucking impact what we do. We get blood on our hands so the world stays clean, ain’t that what you always say?”

“Yeah.”

“So why does the blood on my hands differ to the blood on Gaz’s?”

“Because he’s not screaming in the middle of the night,” he started, “he’s not got a thousand yard stare, or suddenly dropping and commanding everyone to find high ground when he smells pineapple and pepper.”

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s somethin’,” Price told you. “And t’tell the truth, I’m real fuckin’ worried, la. I’m not worried ‘bout you ‘cause I’m your Captain, I’m worried ‘cause… ‘cause I want me partner back. I want you back.”

“So what do you suggest?” You asked quietly.

“Once a week,” he started, “me an’ you, we’ll get you to see a therapist, yeah?”

You clenched your jaw. “You promise you’ll come with me every time?”

Price nodded. “Every time. As long as you want me there, I’ll be there.”

You huffed, but decided to take his offer. “Fine, you got a deal, Johnny.”

[lu-lus-dicks]

You all need sleep and I may not be the best sleeper but here's some tips. these especially go out to @xxx-angie @nunalastor and @the-aprilfools-bitch . I will be in your closets making sure you all get good sleep >:(

rest your eyes from tv and phone. Just blue light in general. instead you could listen to music or podcasts. those are much better.

try sleeping between 2-4 PM at the latest (which means either that or EARLIER). your body produces the most melatonin (the thing you need to sleep) at those times. It will be much harder to fall asleep later than that

Take a warm bath or shower. If I didn't have a bad relationship with liquids, I would be doing this all day. the warmness helps drop your body temperature and generally lower temperatures signal to the body that it's nighttime and consequently bedtime.

no coffee if you drink some, unless you got ADHD (angie). I've heard caffeine works backwards for people with ADHD

If you grew up in a home with the TV on constantly or just generally had some noise around you in your childhood whenever you went to bed, TURN ON SOME NOISE. It is what happens with me and I can't sleep without some noise.

It would be nice if your bed was only used for sleeping, but I know that's not happening lmao

midgnight snacks disturb your sleep. try to avoid those, since your body starts metabolism during nights. it doesn't need more food to process. but if you must grab a snack, it's best to choose something that's easily digestible and maybe even increases the production of melatonin. some of these are milk (obviously), bananas, nuts, eggs, tea, vegetables and such.

Don't rely too much on meds, otherwise your body will get used to it and will depend on it for you to go to sleep. Instead you could try pavlov effecting yourself with something similar that can always be available. For example, before going to sleep, perform a certain action (I used this method in school and my version was patting myself on the head or touching my cheek with the hand opposite to it). once you've done this enough times before sleep, your brain will associate that action with sleep and you'll get a little sleepy if you do it again. This takes a long time though, A month maybe I have stopped doing this, but if nothing else works this can be an option. Though this isn't perfect lulu side rant: tried to condition myself with a ring once. was really bad with doing homework on time, so everytime I was doing homework I would switch a ring I wore to my forefinger. And this was only used for that situation. I never moved my ring to my forefinger for any reason at all. Thought this would work, but the only conditional response I got was that everytime I moved that ring to my forefinger I started thinking about homework and not really doing it.

If that doesn't work, try changing your enviorment. It doesn't have to be drastic. for example: sleep backwards. lay your head where your feet usually are and your head where your feet usually are. or maybe try sleeping on the floor. I am paranoid about sleeping in other peoples houses but this is the reason I tend to fall asleep anyway

If your lack of sleep is caused by anxiety (like intrusive thoughts or thinking about the future), try listening to a mindless podcast or a youtube video. It will help distract from your thoughts and give you something to focus your mind on, plus most content these days tend to try and turn your mind off to get that sweet sweet watchtime.

If all else fails, you can try to tire your brain out I guess. that's my method for extemely bad sleepless nights. I start reading because that's the most tiring activity I can do in bed and usually I fall asleep in the middle of it.

[50cal-fullauto-astarion]

My thing with writing König is trying to find the sweet spot balance point of like 3-4 different angles that are integral to the characterization I want to put out there.

I want him absolutely riddled with the kind of dangerous loser vibes that start the first day of kindergarten as almost an leprotic aura of Contaminated: Do Not Touch that everyone he comes into contact with wordlessly picks up on and carries for his entire life.

Just borderline violent othering that he struggles to fight, embrace, and figure out without ever getting a clear answer or mitigation method. He gets older and becomes a problem, a human toxic waste dump, and the avoidance is tinged with alarm. He figured out how to cover it, though, like he’s pulling on a patchwork person suit.

I’m a real boy, I’m like everyone else, nevermind the seams. Yeah, they’ll split the longer you’re around, but maybe this time—this time—I will have become an endeared thing and I will be understood instead of left.

Skin-splitting horniness, which is ha-ha on the surface, but Jesus Christ, it’s starvation, straight-up. Man is a fucking alien, he doesn’t get people, his veneer of normality is quick to shatter, and he just wants-wants-wants to be wanted. To be needed is a pipe dream. He’s like a dog taken away from mom and litter mates too soon—the need for closeness is set at so high a threshold it’ll never be met, never be fixed.

Fucking is a quick fix for this desperation. Bandaid over a bullet hole, finger in a cracked dam. Gets sharper teeth and longer claws the lower the fuel gauge is, and he’s been running on fumes for years. He’ll eat any scraps given to him at any table. Any even mildly kind word, any mote of attention, approval, or acceptance.

Even in his worst mind, he knows he’s not owed, he is not dying because he is not getting fucked or loved or befriended, but god fucking dammit, what he wouldn’t give for company to cut the bleakness, to not be fucking flinched at or eye-rolled. He wants to eat someone piecemeal as they eat him piecemeal, and the brutal symbolism of cannibalism is the best way he can understand the depth of this fragile-skinned desire.

A level of jaundiced, yellow-eyed sweatiness that pervades every aspect of his life. This is more difficult to describe. It’s literal sweat—from flop or exertion, it doesn’t matter—it’s also a state of being. It’s having not a flicker of volume control—indoor yelling or outdoor muttering. It’s being exhausted and anxious to the point of hysterical cry-laughing at hallucinations after 3-4 days sleepless. It’s saying the wrong fucking thing at the wrong fucking time and chasing yet another person off and wanting to kill himself for it.

It’s surviving on 4 hours of sleep and cigarettes and any kind of caffeine and below-board military amphetamines he can get his hands on for the last ten years because he feels like he’s wasting time. It’s getting smacked because his monstrosity of a body fucking hurts and being borderline greened-out makes it easier to go grocery shopping or to the gym or outside. It’s showering and then cutting his hair over the sink and not giving a fuck what it looks like as long as it’s not getting caught in his collars.

He doesn’t blink, he doesn’t sleep, he’s constantly spilling hyena-pitched stupid nervous laughter, and he bites when he’s overdone, and his teeth aren’t dull. He’s never threatened violence that he can’t overpay out on. He pulls on his face and his scars and that might as well be the same thing, gets sick to his stomach that they’re still numb and he can’t push into the pain he remembers from them. Sometimes he just moans and groans, shoves a hand up under his mask to cover his mouth like he’s going to hold back the tide of bile. He does this shit in front of people, and wants to die when he figures it out.

He likes killing people, he likes feeling powerful, he likes being seen when he’s the executioner, he likes being a scary nightmare. He doesn’t even know if he’d rather fight than fuck, but at least he’s good at it, and there’s undeniable imagery in driving a knife in between ribs over and over and over. He’s never not throbbing hard at exfil, and he’s never not sick to death with himself and his fantasies after he beats off the second he gets privacy.

Anyway I love him, he’s a sad sack.

[saturnine-saturneight]

Writeblr interview tag

Tagged by @tragedycoded [here] 💕

I thought I was going to sleep a little longer this morning, but looks like I'm up for good, so off we go. Good time to answer this.

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novels (working on one) or poems (used to write a lot of them). I'd love to try my hand at short stories, though!

What genre do you prefer reading?

I am not a voracious reader. I used to be, I'd like to be that again, but right now, I am not. Those posts that are like 'if you want to write you need to read'? Those are about me.

When I do read fiction, it's usually detective fiction. Easy to digest, no greater emotional investment. I also love horror, but haven't read much of it in the past few years.

Most of the things I read nowadays are nonfiction, generally medical or political (or a Wikipedia article in the middle of a conversation to clear up a question), though I also love reading about monsters and fables.

Are you a planner or a write as I go kind of person?

I go back and forth on this question. I'm a planner in that I know what I want from a novel or a chapter, and then a write as I go-er when it comes to getting there.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Less of a specific genre and moreso just songs I know in and out so I don't pay too much attention to them! Often on repeat. This is even more extreme when I draw. I drew those chibis I posted the other day to the living tombstone's cat song, lmfao.

Favorite books/movies?

I love horror comedies. Beetlejuice, death becomes her, little shop of horrors. Things like that. Nope was also incredible and has stuck with me, but that's not a comedy.

Any current WIPs?

Just Reburial :) I like to focus.

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you what would your standard outfit be?

Oversized black T-shirt, grey jeans, black converse. Phone in hand, headphones always either around the neck or being worn. I'm boring 🤘

Create a character description of yourself:

Jules stands at average height, their blond hair reaching down to their back, their face caught in a permanent expression of mild worry. They talk too fast, always fidgeting.

Do you like incorporating actual people you know into your writing?

Archetypes and ways of speaking/thinking/acting, yes. Whole people, no. I always mix and match traits I've gotten to know in others and myself, and I pay close attention that I don't write 'in attack mode', meaning portraying certain mindsets as negative after someone annoyed me.

Are you kill happy with your characters?

I'm not! Side characters die in Reburial, but I don't enjoy killing characters I like if it means that I can't use them in the same story again afterwards.

Coffee or Tea while writing?

I'm a tap water kind of guy ✌️ Caffeine gives me heart palps.

Slow or fast writer?

Medium? I don't make an effort to write fast.

Where/who/what do you draw inspiration from?

The majority of my horror comes from things that I personally find scary. When I get scared of something, I start reading, thinking, and talking about it, trying to understand it from all angles. And then sometimes, that also includes writing about it to see what exactly makes that fear tick, where it comes from, and which components are important to elicit the emotions. Fear based special interests, hahaha.

If you were in a fantasy world, what would you be?

Some kind of imp or a puss in boots type of creature.

Most fav book cliche:

You know what, I have no idea. Nothing comes to mind.

Least favorite cliche:

I am, however, a little hater. There are a lot of romance clichés on this list, which is a genre I tend to avoid. (I'm fairly greyro ace and would count myself as that if I wasn't also engaged.) If I do read A Romance, it's always with something else going on, and even then I get annoyed often, haha. I want two or more characters to be profoundly, boundary blurringly weird about each other. I don't want to read that they locked eyes across the room and now I'm supposed to believe that they should be partners for life because they find each other attractive.

There are also countless fantasy tropes on this list. Chosen one stuff, holy wars against pure evil, stories with 'good kings', the list goes on. You have to be REALLY good to make me read fantasy.

Favorite scene to write?

I just really like writing dialogue. Banter, arguments, confessions, etc.

Reason for writing?

It's fun. 👍 I daydream about putting Reburial on Itch for free when it's done, illustrated and type-set, but that's as far as my publishing aspirations go.

Tagging @cowboybrunch @marlowethelibrarian @gioiaalbanoart @paeliae-occasionally @writingrosesonneptune + open !!

[scham-wcan]

“I just feel calmer. When I’m with you.” Feels on brand for WhiteRose almost to the point of being cliche. And it kinda works in either direction? Maybe in a post-training moment where they haven't quite confessed feelings yet.

“I just feel calmer. When I’m with you.”

This got a little long, hope you enjoy it!!

It had been a tedious morning, a stretch of sleep nights in a bed so foreign to her even with weeks now of being precariously balanced beneath a hanging death trap called a ‘bunk bed’ in the loosest sense of the title; and Weiss could feel the debt of sleep weigh on her very bones.

Each walk down the halls of the residency of Beacon Academy felt like a nauseating shore, she had been a night owl for as long as she could remember, so these mornings were growing all the more laborious.

Awake at five am, clean herself the best she could, train personally at five thirty, make self proper again for the morning’s class at seven. It was during the first row with one of the training dummies that her ‘partner’ arrived.

“Weiss!” The sickening scent of sweetness and sugar blasted forth towards the Heiress, all but drowning out her caffeinated morning breath in a wash of red petals. “I thought I’d find you here! You’ve been doing extra work on us!” Ruby beamed with excitement.

Forcing herself to avoid shouting at the wailing yells this early, Weiss forced herself to keep true to her promise. “W-well how else would you expect me to keep being the best teammate you could have??” She muttered in panic, her rapier clinking slightly as it served as a slight lean for her.

Though Ruby, whether she spotted the momentary hesitation or not, whipped quickly to her partner’s words. “Aww, Weiss you don’t need to do extra to do that.” And with those simple words, Weiss seemed flummoxed beyond belief—barely noticing as the hour she had planned of extra work turned to two of just her and Ruby.

There movements and attacks flowing in tandem with perfect violence, Schnee glyph in hand with splashes of petals trouncing the poor dummy target dummy in a tidal wave.

When all was done, the pair were smacked down by the weight of aching legs and gravity in the middle of the sparring mat. Breathing deeply in panted huffs, as their shoulders slumbered against one another; another ounce of energy to move them apart near impossible.

“I think…” Ruby heaved, smiling still through the heaving of her chest. “I think we make a good team, Weiss.”

Swallowing down her earlier coffee, forcibly, Weiss nodded. “I would.. bleh, I would have to agree, Ruby.” Splashes of red dotted her face, she couldn’t quite tell if they were remnant petals, the tire of their exercise, or perhaps something more.

“You know.. Yang always said you fought a little rigid.” Chuckling slightly as she flummoxed with her sleeves, Ruby shook her head. “I honestly can’t see it.”

The weight on her shoulders seemed only to grow as Weiss did not even attempt to fight her lean. “I just feel a little calmer…” Weiss’ head landing on Ruby’s shoulder was enough to silence the heaving breaths from the now completely red reaper, “When I’m… with you…” The final words coming out with an intermingled snore, at worst only laboured, before turning into something cheekily nasally.

“W-Weiss?!” Ruby began to panic, though would dare not move the sleeping beauty. “We’re—crap—We’re going to miss Miss Glynda’s class! Weiss?!”

[cherryfairy-2000]

sometime in spring 2023

I reconnected with my first love recently, 7 years after the end of our relationship and 4 years after the last time I saw him. In between those timelines and lifetimes, I often thought of him as the only one I’d ever love like that. The only soul tie I had ever created. I have loved and been loved since him in those timelines and lifetimes and I believed I had proven myself wrong a few times but the end never felt the way it did when he left. He was the first person to show my young jaded heart that love was real, even when it ended. I remember the rant I gave my mother at the dinner table with tear filled eyes. I was 16 experiencing my first heartbreak and no feeling I had ever experienced had ever felt that real. I spoke highly of him still, through my shattered heart and swollen eyes, tears still racing down my cheeks and eyes that have gotten no sleep. I spoke of gratitude; how grateful I was to love like that, to be loved like that. To feel so deeply and connect to someone in such a way at such a young age.

“The pain was worth it!” I kept repeating, sobbing. “I would go back and only love him harder despite knowing the inevitable end! I would only love him harder and hold him tighter!”

My mother looked over at her 16 year old daughter, crying with gratitude over a broken heart and replied “you are so beautiful.” She herself experienced heartbreak, the end of a marriage just the year before mine and was still in the painful grief process. She was the first of the family to experience heartbreak, a lost love, and I was second. The eldest daughter out of three kids, the middle child and yet I have fallen in and out of love more times than anyone else in my family. They watch my tireless attempts at finding that feeling again like I am a creature at a zoo, dumbfounded at my fearlessness of getting my heart broken again.

He sat across from me for the first time in 4 years and I started to mentally count and compare all the differences I’d notice from the man in front of me to the boy that used to lie in my arms and live in my heart. He has a beard now and I notice chest hair peeking out from the top of his t-shirt. His hair is much shorter and seems darker, still messy but nothing like the shoulder length light blond hair I used to intertwine my fingers in. His smile was the same, his mannerisms too; like the way he uses his hands to talk when he's being lighthearted and playful. He spoke more confidently now, aware and comfortable in his skin. His body resembles more of a man than a lanky young boy which caught me off guard a bit. His eyes haven't changed either and the feeling of his stare has the same effect after all this time.

He told me about his life, his journey through grief and suffering. How he's been committed to healing everything that he avoided in his youth. He can finally cry now, the pressure he used to feel in his face is no longer there. He wears a big tiger's eye crystal around his neck and smiles wider now. His laugh is more full body like he's accepted joy into his life like never before. I had to hold back tears when I noticed all of the similarities and differences I found.

I felt the disconnect from the present, and a simultaneous hyper awareness of all the lives I lived in his absence. This feeling rushed through my veins, like the caffeine from a double shot of espresso or the head rush that follows a sober cigarette. He says “You look the same, but your energy is more you; calmer.” I told him about my life the past 4 years and although I experienced traveling and life in many ways; the common pattern is my habit of getting in and out of relationships. My heart has broken about 5 times since the end of our relationship, in the past 7 years. The men I’ve dated become no more than a stranger to me after a year. How devoted I am to loving even though I was rarely loved back in the same capacity is confusing to him.

“Do you believe you deserve love?” He asked me.

“Are you afraid of being alone?”

I lingered on that thought. Embarrassed. When was the last time I was single? Alone with nowhere to put my love other than myself and my world? I had just moved into my first apartment with my current boyfriend. He's gentle, treats me well and loves me so much. The healthiest relationship I’ve ever experienced in my adulthood. But I can’t help but think we've only been dating for 6 months and not even a month before I met him I was in Greece with a completely different lover. I didn’t choose the city we moved to, he did and I was okay with it. I didn’t plan anything about Greece, he did but I was okay with it. These men that court me plan futures with me in their heads and I fear I just simply play the part... Do I allow myself any say in these futures? Or am I just okay with it? Is the concept of falling and staying in love more important to me than my own journey to find myself? Healing myself? The spiritual path I have always been drawn to but always ignored because the people I allowed myself to love never took that part of me seriously, never mind joining me on the same path.

[blubushie]

ok we all know Medic gets high on his medigun fumes, and i know your hc about Mundy and shrooms, but do you think the other mercs get high and if so on what (take this to mean the canon characters or your blu team idc)

Soz if this is confusing because the shrooms are kicking in. Happy 4/20!

Just to clarify the Sniper one isn't a headcanon, he canonically does shrooms. Him getting high off cane toads though is a headcanon specific to Learnin' the BLUs.

I don't really do headcanons of canon characters except as they apply to my fic because I think it kinda causes some obsessions over who has the "right" headcanon if that makes sense? Headcanon wars. With that in mind this will all be as it applies to the fic. Little pro tip for the future: if I use names, then I'm referring to characters as they relate to the fic. Class titles specifically are in referral to characters in canon. For example, canon Sniper is always referred to as Sniper. My characterisation of Sniper is always referred to as Mundy. Helps to avoid confusion. That out of the way...

RED TEAM

Jeremy: Ma said drugs are bad. Drinks alcohol but only beer and fruity cocktails which he never drinks around the team because he thinks they’ll judge him for drinking a pink Cosmopolitan. They wouldn’t. Only stimulant he uses is caffeine in the form of Bonk. He only drinks Cherry Fission and Crit-A-Cola.

Soldier: Something something war on drugs, unknowingly takes sedatives Luddy gives him so he’ll sleep later in the morning instead of playing the bugle terribly at exactly 4am every morning. Now he wakes up everyone at 6:30am instead. Get drunk on beer with Tav.

Firebug (Pyro): Cannabis. The only person who has seen what he looks like under the mask is Engie and Ludwig. How does he smoke it? No clue. Probably not a bong, most likely a pipe because of the pretty colours of the blown glass. Always keen to share.

Tavish: Scrumpy and (rarely) beer. Only drinks beer when he’s out of Scrumpy and he prefers Blu Streak to Red Shed. Has probably done cannabis with Pyro once or twice but not a stoner in the slightest.

Mikhail: Complete abstinence, not even liquor.

Dell: Adderall and only Adderall. He uses it to keep him awake and focused when he's working on projects at night. Also drinks beer, he too prefers Blu Streak to Red Shed. There’s a running joke here of no one drinking Red Shed because Red Shed tastes like skunk piss. Occasionally drinks Jack Daniels, always pours it into a glass. On rare occasions will smoke a cigar.

Ludwig: Has done everything under the sun at least once. Sources half the shit he gets from Mundy. Ayahuasca? Peyote? Shrooms? DMT? Ketamine? Mundy will set you up. 50% chance Luddy grows his own opium poppies. Doesn't get high recreationally, just does it for the science (except when his Medigun is involved, he totes gets high off that for shits and giggles).

Jacques (Spy): Nicotine and alcohol, everything else is for heathens. He prefers brandy because he's a pompous French cunt that only drinks French shit. Probably smokes fucking Gauloises like the cunt he is. That said he also knows how to enjoy a cigar and probably imports Cohibas from Cuba because he's such a cunt.

Mundy: If it can be naturally sourced, fair chance he's tried it (Mundy does not fuck with anything synthetic). Psychonaut of the team to the point Luddy goes to him for advice. Routinely does shrooms, occasionally travels to Arizona to catch Colorado River toads to source DMT for later. Feral about the DMT and does not share but will share his shrooms with you if you ask nicely. Picks them himself. Has everything from cubes to azzies but hates azzies because (despite being a more intense high) they're still azzies and every time he takes them he ends up paralysed for two hours. ABSOLUTELY HATES CANNABIS. As a bushman and an Australian he has a finely-tuned sense of smell and the smell of cannabis drives him up a wall. Has done everything I have minus LSD and ecstasy. Has done opium in a Bombay den and in Bangkok. The Bangkok one was more fun. Has done ketamine four times (makes it himself) but only once was recreationally. One was to treat pain after he was shot during a job (yes this was the one above his armpit). The other two was accidentally sticking himself with Sleeper darts because he's a dumb cunt. Actually doesn't like ketamine all that much because if he takes a full dose he wakes up with a headache. Probably bumped cocaine off a hooker's arse once and he will take that secret to his grave. Also smokes, obviously. Prefers Winfields (the red pack) but when he has the time he hand-rolls his own durries. Also chews tobacco sometimes. DOES NOT DRINK CAFFEINE. It makes his hands shake. Loves the taste of coffee (he drinks it black with no sugar) but only uses decaf beans so the caffeine level is so low that it doesn’t affect his aim. Also has a surprisingly good taste for alcohol—his favourite beer is VB but the best beer he’s ever had was Emu Export, he can just never find it outside of WA. Favourite cocktail is the old fashioned because he has an affection for whisky. Also spent his life drinking his dad’s bushshine plus is an Australian, so he has the highest liquor tolerance out of everyone on either team and could drink anyone under the table. Despite being VERY INSISTENT on psychedelic safety he's a complete hypocrite when it comes to practice: he never has a trip sitter, he does it when he's depressed or upset, he takes heroic/breakthrough doses even when he's already feeling like shit, and he spontaneously trips instead of planning in advance. Don't be like Mundy (or me). Also a massive adrenaline junkie and this becomes VERY OBVIOUS in Australia.

TIME FOR BLU TEAM!

Jesse: Ma said drugs are bad, but what Ma don’t know won’t hurt her. Isn’t allowed to smoke cigarettes and even Mundy refuses to give any to her unless she promises not to inhale. That said, she’s curious about shrooms but wouldn’t do anything besides that, and would only ever do shrooms with an experienced psychonaut she trusts (cough Mundy cough). Caffeine addict by way of Bonk. Only drinks Blutonium Berry and Crit-A-Cola. Would absolutely fight Jeremy for the last tinny of Crit-A-Cola. Will drink any alcohol except brandy. Has a surprisingly high alcohol tolerance especially for her size (cheers, Ma) and is one of the ~10% of the human population who doesn’t get hangovers. Actually scared of opioids and would never do them because Mikey overdosed on heroin. Had to be physically restrained when Suki gave her heroin in Italy after she was shot because she freaked out over it.

Dougal: Only smokes cigars and drinks Scotch whisky.

Heinz: Hates smoking because it irritates his already-damaged throat. Only drinks schnapps and beer. Doesn’t do recreational drugs.

Liem: Chews tobacco, doesn’t smoke. Alcoholic who only drinks beer. Favourite beer is Blu Streak. Became an alcoholic after Ted’s death.

Bruce: Only drinks beer, occasionally smokes cigars, will rarely let Suki test opioids on him.

Tamotu: Smokes cannabis. Has never done any other drugs but would be 100% keen to do psychedelics with Mundy sometime on account of Mundy being an experienced psychonaut and excellent trip-sitter.

Suki: Doesn’t do anything outside drinking sake and the occasional Adderall. However in the past she once did a bump of cocaine during a 36-hour stint in trauma surgery, and then proceeded to do surgery while high on the cocaine. The patient lived. That said Suki gets very hyperactive and more “aggressive” when she’s off her chops—give her phencyclidine and she’d burn the fucking state down. Has never and will never smoke. Yells at everyone else for smoking.

Yuri: Has never done any drugs ever except occasionally drinking a shot of vodka. You can tell shit’s about to go down when Yuri is getting into the liquor cabinet. Has a liquor tolerance to almost rival Liem. Chews tobacco, doesn’t smoke.

Charles: Chainsmoker and nicotine addict. Drinks Scotch whisky and still has no idea what happened to his $10,000 bottle of 1937 32-Year Macallan Fine & Rare but suspects Liem to be the culprit. Would never do reactional drugs because it’s for heathens. Complete lightweight when it comes to alcohol (Jesse got all of her tolerance from her mother) but also doesn’t get hangovers.

[galpalaven]

coral, diamond, dolamite, emerald for all your hunters and Nya

!!!! gonna be under the cut because it's gonna be really fucking long lmfao

Nox Pendragon

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Nox grew up in the capital of her home country of Ravaya, and the Ravay people are very tied to the natural spirits that live within the jungle that presses up against the edges of the city. There are temples scattered throughout the city, and the central Air Temple at the perfect center of the city where many people spend time asking for guidance and protection from the spirits. The jungle especially is seen as a sort of benevolent deity that that the people of her home country are very reverent of.

In short, she's been raised to respect and almost revere nature, and as such tends to do her best to avoid leaving a footprint on nature whenever she can.

diamond: a sex headcanon

Nox is on the ace spectrum, and her demisexuality meant that she never really found anyone that she wanted to date and have sex with at any point when she was in her early twenties. So technically still a virgin lol

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Nox suffers from night terrors, and has since she was a baby. She doesn't know that there's a reason for that, but her dad does. Lol.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

One of Nox's love languages is physical touch. If she loves someone, she's the type to run her fingers through your hair or rub your back or hold your hand.

Ilya loves this, of course, and leans into every single touch.

Ilya Fisher

coral: how my OC views the natural world

As a creature of the sea, their life is very tied to the natural world. While siren religions only worships one god, the moons are seen as spiritual gifts, as guardians of their people and feature in many of the holy days celebrated by the sirens.

All that being said, they has a reverence for the spirits that make up Nox's people's religion, and can often be seen visiting water temples on the surface to center themself when things are getting hard.

diamond: a sex headcanon

He has never had sex outside of his human ex-boyfriend. Not that he didn't have opportunities, but sex isn't a super big thing for many sirens as their sense of touch is a lot less than humans.

The sex they did have with their ex was ummmmm not good. Not even sure I would personally classify it as 'having sex' when it was just them Giving and being Used and never receiving.

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Ilya struggles to sleep much. Sirens only sleep between 3 and 6 hours a night, but his human form needs more sleep. He's known to push himself to stay awake and fight the urge to sleep until he crashes for like 16 straight hours lmao.

He has a caffeine addiction in human form as a result.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Ilya is an acts of service type of man. He likes to bring Nox things he found that he thinks she'd like, or maybe cook her something. It was also how he showed love to his family back home--hell, the whole reason he is searching for a runecaster that can help him is an act of service to help his family.

Hunters

Riley Chang

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Riley doesn't particularly have any feelings about nature one way or another. She likes being outside sometimes, but not enough to like go hiking or have houseplants or anything. She'd like to have a cat someday, though.

diamond: a sex headcanon

As a demisexual, Riley has not actually ever had sex. She's never been close enough to anyone to experience attraction until Adair, so that will be an interesting thing for the two of them to navigate when they finally get together lol

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Riley grew up co-sleeping with her parents when she was a kid, so she actually sleeps better with someone else in the room. She'll be very happy when they move in together and she gets to cuddle with them every night.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Riley's similar to Nox in the way she shows affection. Adair struggles with every casual touch when she runs her fingers through their hair or rubs their shoulders or almost holds their hand. A Mess.

Theodora Blackburn

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Theo was raised Jewish and still practices as an adult. There are a lot of nature based holidays that she does observe when she has the time. She has a reverence for nature, though she's not super interested in like hiking or anything.

diamond: a sex headcanon

Of all the characters up here, she has had the most sex lol. She's bisexual, and did her fair share of experimentation in college. Never Have I Ever with her might be a bit challenging lmao

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Theo suffers from insomnia. It's so bad that she honestly just lives like this and pretends like its not having a real effect on her. She sleeps a few hours at a time most nights, and its a very light sleep that doesn't really give her any fucking rest.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Theo is cuddly. She likes to sit right up next to people she loves, to run her fingers through their hair and let them rest their head on her chest and fall asleep on the couch. She's also an acts of service bitch who will draw her love a bath and cook dinner if they've had a bad day.

Frankie Nakamura

coral: how my OC views the natural world

Frankie is absolutely clueless about most things in nature. All she knows is she gets sneezy in the spring and that plants need water sometimes. She wants to be someone who has plants and a cute little garden, but she's just not got it in her.

She'll just have to live with helping Blane with their garden someday.

diamond: a sex headcanon

Frankie has had sex before, and it was fun. That being said, she has a very low libido, and feels no real need to seek it out at any given time. On the odd occasion her hormones act up, she's not above using a vibe to help ease that discomfort.

The fact that Blane is ace will not bother her in the slightest.

dolomite: a sleep headcanon

Miss Girl could sleep through a hurricane. Heaviest sleeper in the world. She might be dead. Someone poke her and see if she's breathing.

emerald: how my OC tells someone they love them without words

Being there. Even if it's just sitting nearby and doing her own thing. She also likes to cuddle and bring snacks or dinner to you if you're feeling down.

[pyrrhicpaths]

* important headcanons to consider.

can they use chopsticks : Yes. She’s pretty good at using them to pick up individual food pieces, though she struggles a little when eating noodles in broth haha.

what do they do when they can’t sleep :  Lately Kyrie suffers from insomnia and the occasional night terrors because of her anxiety and trauma over the years. She used to rely on meditating, tea (her favourite flavours being chamomile and lavender), and some essential oils (lavender again) to help her, but most recently she finds overworking herself physically is a better faster way to conk out. At ungodly hours, one may find her cleaning the kitchen or the garage, or chopping firewood in the backyard. It all sort of helps relieve a bit of her stress, too.

what would they impulse buy at the grocery store :  Nothing. She’s real good at managing money and not getting more than what the household needs, mostly because she isn’t very materialistic and generally dislikes the idea of buying things she doesn’t immediately need to use.

HOWEVER, she will ‘impulse buy’ for others-- like if she’s shopping with her three boys, or Nero and Nico, or whomever else-- and they show even the slightest interest in a random trinket/food/item, she will end up buying for them because she wants to make them happy.

what order do they wash things in the shower :

First she makes sure the shower water is hot enough (to open pores, rid the body of oil, and overall relaxes her) and takes care to avoid getting water on her face while she bathes.

Then comes shampooing her hair, only using conditioner about once a month because she thinks her hair is oily enough as it is.

While she leaves her hair sudsy, she scrubs her whole body down with soap, and then lets the water fully rinse her off. Once all the suds are gone, she turns on the cool water to seal the pores.

She then uses a gentle face scrub and finally lets the cold water clean her face before she towels off.

Moisturizing her face and body happens before she puts on her clothes.

what’s their coffee order :  Coffee or chocolate drinks aren’t something she often consumes, so it’ll always be hot herbal tea for her without sugar/sweetener, or a honey tea latte. Sometimes she’ll indulge and order an iced matcha green tea drink, extra matcha powder (for more caffeine and flavour), less sugar/sweetener (or honey only).

what sort of apps would they have on their smartphone :  Whatever messaging app is being used by everyone. Her kids have also convinced her to get Snapc.hat because she often prefers taking pictures to show to others instead of sending messages (plus she is very amused by the funny filters and loves using them in selfies with her friends). An app for note-taking that also has the option to record audios. The camera app. Her internet browser perpetually has 20+ tabs open because of all the research and googling she does (at least 9 tabs are about demons; maybe 3 are just random pop-up ads that she pays no mind to).

how do they act around children :   Kyrie is Absolute Mom. Loves children so much, and loves caring for them-- often getting real protective, too. She helps run an orphanage, okay, everyone knows how great she is with them.

what would they watch on tv when they’re bored and nothing they really like is on :  Whatever channels have little to nothing displayed visually but are playing music. Often times it’s the weather channel, sometimes it’s various ‘radio’ channels (she mostly sticks to ones that play instrumental/classical/orchestral music, but she does get interested in some modern pop music so she’ll listen to those now and again). Kyrie’s never bored; she’ll always find something to fixate on if she doesn’t already have a busy schedule, and the music is just for background noise.

tagged by:  stolen from the old blog LOL

tagging: @guardianlost even tho i totally stole this from ur old blog too, @amicitiaeclipse, @leidemechanic, @hartofbalamb (or any of ur other muses!), @florafound​

[borderlinereminders]

One of the emotion focused DBT skills I am going to talk about is PLEASE.

This acronym is meant to help you remember to take care of your needs so that you are less vulnerable to things that can cause emotional crisis.

PL: treat PhysicaL illness. If you are not feeling well physically, research has shown this can affect you emotionally and mentally as well. Maybe taking care of your physical illness means setting reminders to take your medications, and schedule doctors appointments or anything else you need like that.

E: balance your Eating. Getting proper nutrition can be really critical to your mental health. This skill doesn't mean to go on a diet or anything super strict like that, but to make sure that you are getting proper nutrition. Even just making little changes can make a huge difference. Lacking certain vitamins can make a lot of mental health issues worse. Maybe for you this even means you start by getting a multivitamin!

A: avoid mind Altering substances. If mind altering substances, like alcohol, non prescribed drugs and even things like caffeine are making it harder to use your coping skills, then consider cutting back on them or not using them if possible.

S: get enough Sleep. We all know this is easier said than done! But an unhealthy sleep cycle can throw off so much. A lack of sleep can heighten emotions. Some tips include avoiding screentime for a half hour before bed, try to go to bed at the same time, try and make your bedroom a comforting place and ideal conditions for sleep whatever that means to you.

E: get regular Exercise. This is different for everyone! This doesn't mean you need to start weight lifting (though if you want to, by all means!) or running marathons. For some people, even adding a 30 minute walk to their day can make a huge difference. Maybe it's dancing around to music. There is a lot of research backing up the benefits of exercise on emotions, physical health and other things. Of course if you have certain physical limitations, then please check with your doctor before trying anything.

Yes, we all hate it when people say "have you tried exercise?" or "have you tried changing what you eat?" as a solution to our mental illnesses. It feels invalidating and dismissive. And no, doing these things isn't going to cure you but it can improve your symptoms and help you to use your coping mechanisms better.

Don't underestimate the benefits of taking care of your body. Even if doing these things can't cure you, not doing these things can certainly makes things harder for you. And you deserve things to be as easy as possible.

Read about other DBT skills here.

[r-ene]

how i've been surviving my second semester

not really big on tips with academics, more of staying and feeling alive on 12-hours class days

ive been mentioning in some of my posts that i have 11 to 12 hours class schedules this semester, and those days (wednesday and thursdays) are probably the most difficult days to squeeze in study time after class... especially wednesday since for thursday there's 4 major subjects to study for. and since the semester is ending, i'd like to share the things i've been doing because surprisingly i haven't felt any signs of burn out since this second semester.

note: i have a pretty lax schedule aside from wednesdays and thursdays this sem so most likely i won't be able to abide by these the following semester once our hybrid classes start + different schedule

1. workout first thing in the morning

started this one with just planks before and it helped me a lot with back pains due to sitting the whole day since after my last class at 7:30 pm, I would still continue to study after eating dinner, feeding Luna and so on. and recently i've been doing a 15-minute work out of 2-3 sets depending how much time i have before class starts and = instant energy boost. i noticed i didn't need to nap as much as i used to, but once i get to nap, i would feel all my tiredness from the day

2. sleep early on other days (M, T, F, St, Sn)

honestly still working on this because i like to do a lot of stuff within a day because i like getting things done as soon as possible and in advance for more leisure time + more time to do extra readings/notes and etc but this one is a necessity to lessen the probability of getting burnt out

3. supplements + caffeine

bee pollen supplement, vitamin c and collagen are the ones i take daily. aside from energy boost, as someone who hates being sick and doesn't like taking meds, i should keep myself healthy. i think caffeine, coffee speaks for itself for a 12 hr class haha

4. wednesday no-sleep

as much as possible i dont like doing this because not only is it a bad practice but since my wednesday schedule is 7:30am to 7:30pm and i have 4 major subjects on thursday, i need to sacrifice sleep to read through and study for those subjects especially during pre-exam week and exam weeks.

5. study buddies~ (+fun break times)

my group of friends from senior year has been a big help with this, we go on discord almost everyday and even though we are all from different majors (respiratory therapy, physical therapy, nursing, medical technology, architecture, marketing) we like hanging out on dc to study together for accountability and additional fun for studying :) we also have break schedules like wordle time at 12 mn where we all drop what we're doing (unless its very important) and go on wordle.

6. n a p s

this speaks for itself + i mentioned lots of times i love naps, sleeping in general since i was a kid. please make sure you take naps whenever you can, even a quick 15- to 20-minute nap could be an instant energy charger + it's also a break for our brain, to enhance memory and performance.

7. time management/prioritize

hmm another thing i'm still really working on, but since my gap year i like making to-do lists the night before and now i would make a list of things i need to do and highlight them in different colors for those i need to accomplish within the week and on another sheet of paper i would write down 3-5 tasks to get done within the day. +

8. not skipping meals

i used to not like eating breakfast but i've been practicing to do so recently because it's a necessity and since i worked out, i need to recharge or else i would fall asleep during morning class and even just a simple oatmeal is a big help with concentration (+ to avoid diabetes since both of our parent's family have a big history with diabetes mellitus, type 2) and i think there's a lot of people the same as me that when i really focus on something there's that tendency to put aside meals and eat once i get done and it's not a healthy thing to do especially since working/studying requires a lot of brain energy + energy in general, which we get from eating meals on time to avoid additional stressors such as stomach pain or headache from skipping/missing meal time. that being said, let's also eat healthily

9. cold shower before class

i swear i can never focus if i don't shower with cold water in the morning, especially with these kinds of schedule. it really wakes me up and theres a lot of benefits to showering with cold water (+ i live in a tropical country, it helps lessen me being irritable with the heat especially this summer time, specifically from 9-12nn, then i would shower again before lunch time gets done because it's also really hot at 1 to 4pm)

10. stretching

12 hours of class sounds bad but continuously sitting down for 12+ hours with pre-class and post-class study sessions is BAD. i can't begin to imagine how painful my neck, back and glutes would be if i don't move around every after 2 hours or whenever i can. im actually requesting to my mom if we could have a bar height table when we move so i could study/attend class with the option to just stand whenever i want to.

11. don't forget to wind down

personally i love going on a bike ride and walk around our village with the intention to just breathe in some air and do some sight-seeing, relax to wind down. sometimes i would do those to work out or do other exercises to sweat out the day's stress. other than those, sleep, read, watch, browse through my coloring books and do some coloring are other ways i like to wind down. another important note to not go to bed with a headache and/or get burnt out easily.

12. last but not the least, HYDRATE

water, water, water. sometimes i infuse my water with cucumber or lemon but usually it's just ice cold water in my 750mL flask and i would drink every now and then, especially when i can't focus/feel sleepy and refill at lunch, mid-afternoon and dinner. i also like drinking cold water as soon as i wake up and it's just really a necessity.

new tiktok :)

[phoenixyfriend]

Commander Buir: Chapter 6

Final chapter! Read on AO3

When Cody comes back, it’s with tea.

Caff is good, but he doesn’t think any of them would benefit from too much caffeine right now. The tea in the canteen is shitty, but there’s honey and milk, and that’s enough.

Shmi’s eyes are rimmerd with red. Anakin is asleep, if not very soundly. Cody hands the cups to Shmi and hauls himself up into the room, and then takes one back.

“Cried himself to sleep?” Cody asks, voice low.

“He exhausted himself telling me everything,” Shmi says. “They were married, did you know? Anakin and his Padmé.”

“No,” Cody says. “But I can’t say I’m that surprised.”

They sit shoulder to shoulder, leaning into each other, sipping tea.

“He’s kept so many secrets,” Shmi whispers. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to help.”

“The Jedi might,” Cody says. He assumes this was one of those Dark Side things, so they’re more likely to be able to help than anyone else, if it is. “But… it can’t be easy at all. A toddler, but he…”

“Cut them down, one by one,” Shmi says, low and thin and rough. She sounds a little clogged. “Cody, I don’t know what to do. That’s my baby. That’s my baby, and he…”

She hiccups, and claps her free hand over her mouth to stifle the noise.

Anakin shifts a little, but does not wake. Small mercies.

“Was it before the war?” Cody asks.

Shmi nods. “Only just.”

Cody wonders… well.

“He saved a lot of lives in the war,” he finally says. “Pain in the ass with how reckless he was, but effective. I wouldn’t stake my life on it, but if he was sometimes reckless because he was trying to make up for his previous crimes…”

Shmi sniffles. It’s quiet, and she breathes heavily right after to clear out whatever blocked her up.

“He’s my baby,” she repeats. “I can’t… I can’t believe he would do all that. Kill all those… the children were innocent. Even if their elders had done something awful, why… why the children…”

Cody casts about for an answer. He has one.

“The Jedi call it the dark side,” he says. “It doesn’t control anyone, but… when a Jedi allows themselves to feel too deeply, to be consumed by hate and anger, they let in something they call the dark side of the Force. It’s like a poison, and like… like a drug. One of the ones that can induce blinding rage and have a person do things they normally might. They can resist it. They are trained to have the self-control to avoid even coming close, and to refrain from committing such acts if they do, but once they’ve already Fallen to the Dark…”

He's seen after-action reports of several Jedi who’d done so. War had not been kind to anyone, but it had poisoned the Jedi in ways that even Cody didn’t fully understand. He could only compare the people he’d met before and after they’d made their choices and lost themselves.

“If he touched the Dark in that experience, it would have played a factor. It does not absolve him,” he cautions, “he still had free will and could have stopped, had he made that choice, difficult as it was… but it may have influenced him to an extent you and I would have trouble understanding.”

“Because we are not Jedi.”

“Because we’re not Force Sensitive,” Cody corrects, though the distinction isn’t a big one, to most people. Still, she’ll know what he means. He’s talked about the Sith more than once.

She doesn’t meet his eyes, keeps her gaze fixed on the tiny body at the head of the sleeping mats.

“What do I do?” she asks.

“Counseling. Out-patient care, possibly with medication once he’s old enough for it to be a reasonable option. Ethics courses, in rare cases.” Cody lists it off without too much thought. Managing the mental health of his troopers had been one of many things he’d been asked to read up on with his promotion. The mental health specialists in the medic teams were the main people to actually act on that particular aspect of the army’s health, but Command staff were all obligated to take modules on managing morale and burnout in particular. Violent breakdowns were rare, but not unheard of. “Mandatory in-patient care if he proves unwilling to recognize his own failures and weaknesses that need to change.”

Shmi turns and moves and ends up curled around his side and across his chest. It’s a hug, a strange one, and her face is pressed to his neck.

He hugs her back. They both need this.

“We’ll figure it out,” he says. General Billaba had recovered from a similar act, he thinks. He hadn’t been fully read in on that one, but he remembers the broadest strokes. “The Jedi will help. I’ll help. You’ll have support, and he’ll have you.”

“I want to believe that,” Shmi whispers. “But these days, believing things is only making it all worse.”

What the hell can he even say to something like that?

“So believe in yourself, and in me,” he says. “Believe in the kind of child and the kind of man your son is, when he was protecting entire planets from armies, when he was protecting men who only weren’t slaves because they weren’t legally sentients. If he told you this, then he trusts you, and he wants to get better.”

Cody pulls Shmi away from him, just enough to maneuver so they’re properly facing each other, and takes her face in his hands. “Trust me. Trust in me. Have I given you reason not to?”

Shmi is too deliberate to throw herself into his arms, especially in this kind of a cramped space.

She ends up there anyway.

(Continue on AO3)