#i have so many more though that i've developed
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So I'm still thinking about Mel and Viktor in a Soul Eater au 😂
I've only watched the anime so I'm going more based on that, but I know/looked up in the past what happens in the manga when it comes to the fate of Crona and Maka.
I still think it'd be interesting to have Viktor in a Crona-like role in the story given his whole transformation arcs that, despite my MANY criticisms of how it was handled this season, are integral to his character. I'd want to find a way to give him more autonomy though, at least later down the line. I can picture Singed playing a role like Medusa but in a more oddly chill kinda way because of how he is as a character instead of actively malicious and sadistic like Medusa (he'd totally try to create a new Kishin just because). That and they're both characters who just keep making it out scot-free for either the entirety of the story or for a long ass time (depending on if you're referring to anime or manga Medusa).
Mel's relationship with Ambessa and her own secret magic made me reconsider if I wanted to incorporate some Medusa and Crona elements with them instead but I decided against that for a couple of reasons. Viktor being the one set up as a calamity in canon, fit better with a Crona-like role for this au whereas Mel is chosen by the Black Rose to be their silver bullet against him. Plus, Mel working on the council in Piltover would translate better to working in the Death Weapon Meister Academy.
Also, because of the theories around Mel and Ambessa being Kindred blessed and canon stating/implying that she has a secret magic parent, I think it'd be cool for her to either be a child of death like Death The Kid or blessed in some way by Kindred who'd take the role of Death in Soul Eater. Alternatively or additionally she could be half witch and the Black Rose could play the role of witch society in this au that tries influence Mel given her position in the Academy and witch heritage. I feel like there was a character in the Meister Academy that was secretly a witch or half witch but I can't remember. That's where the alternate/additional idea came from tho.
I've said it a bajillion times, but there's so many parallels and similarities between Mel and Viktor and because of my off hand comment about it being cool if, in a different/more high-stakes magic oriented story, they channeled some Crona and Maka energy... it'd be really cool to me personally to explore some of that in this au.
This way I can also shoe-horn in a Mel reaches out to Viktor's soul or vice versa moment like my fanart lol XD (that episode where Maka reaches out to Crona is still one of my favorites 😭💖 especially when they paralleled that moment later down the line).
Also, I'm thinking Jayce would be Mel's weapon in this au because I feel that just fits for them, Mel being the meister and him being the weapon, since she was the main patron of hextech and he works in a forge.
When I have more thoughts about this, I'll post them too. I'm considering how the black blood plot point could affect Mel and Jayce like it does with Maka and Soul. I'm also thinking about what other characters in the show would be weapons, meisters, witches, etc. so I might make that developing list a separate post or just reblog this again and add onto it.
#i find it funny i have a handful of au ideas with meljayvik/different parts of the ot3 despite not usually being into au fics myself XD#i feel like there's interesting stuff to explore with each of them tho#might rewatch soul eater at this point#arcane spoilers#arcane#mel medarda#viktor#jayce talis#melvik#meljayvik#soul eater
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One of the strongest points of Mass Effect, if not the strongest, is just how well written the characters are. From Shepard, to the squad, to the side characters like Anderson and Bakara, to barely-there NPCs like Ereba and Charr the lovers, Etarn Tiro the enthusiastic turian merchant, Kargesh the krogan who wanted a fish, Lia'Vael, the quarian who gets falsely accused of theft, and the Salarian who wants to buy a memento to his asari lover to remember him by once he's dead.
I feel like so many of them are memorable, and they all serve a purpose to the overall world building. The krogan show that they are not the violent thugs the galaxy has made them out to be. The salarian shows the struggle born out of building relationships with people of a species with a life expectancy so beyond your own. Lia'Vael illustrates what Tali says about the quarians being treated like second class citizens. Those small little side quests have a meaning and a purpose, it doesnt feel like they are Just There, and they add more to the lore of them game to those who care about that stuff.
#Romance is an exception- I am 100% an outlier here but most of them are hmm. not quite as developed as they could#Most shippy feelings I've acquired are more like headcanons based off the stuff that happens in canon#Than canon things that happen during the game (but MAYBE it's because femshep can't romance talizorah)#That's just my opinion though lol and I don't think it makes the game bad. I think it's logical#You can't make space for too many branches based off romance or it'd be madness#So to keep the story more or less linear they have to be independent of the story by default#Mass effect#Mass effect liveblog#Txt#Of course I'm sure there are exceptions. And contradictions (ahem samara being the mother of all ardat yakshi)#But overall and taking into account just how many there are it's pretty good
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can i just say. and this is probably a niche hill to die on. that i am so gobsmacked every time someone vaguely hints at the idea that jotaro doesn't care meaningfully for the other crusaders, usually particularly kakyoin and joseph, when those two actually tend to be the ones he reacts to being hurt the hardest
like he cares for his loved ones!!!! that literally plays into his character motives in every single part he shows up in!!! stop lying to me!!!!!!!
#me.txt#jjba#i'm going to ramble in tags actually. excuse me#ok. rereading sdc and so confused at the general perception of jotaro and his friends/family. he's not NEARLY as flat or as dickish#i understand that the anime (particularly the dub) tends to slander him but even then he still clearly cares for them! i'm confused#i also understand that a lot of people dig against jotaro and kakyoin as a dynamic because 'they're popular' and that generally disliking#popular things across media is a thing that i've seen consistently everywhere but the discredit to them simply as a DUO and not even as a#pairing is so..... odd..... like they're considered to be a duo that clicks for a reason. i enjoyed them even before i got into the fandom#every time i see someone say jotaro is overrated/dull i take a shot and assume they're an anime-only or only read the manga like once btw#joseph and jotaro also have a neat dynamic and they obviously both love and care for each other. like they're not going to go around loudly#or anything but literally the entirety of the lovers and the prelude to the dio fight IS jotaro being worked up over joseph getting hurt#equally i don't know if it translates to the anime as much but joseph is VERY complimentary when it comes to jotaro. like he sings his#praises so often and reminds everyone that he's his grandson so frequently (d'arby the gamer is a good example of this). either way it's so#peculiar....... there's not enough avdol and jotaro content btw (also in canon) because jotaro obviously looks up to him and avdol jokes#around with him on the occasion they interact after their intro which doesn't start very well. it's very cute#i do think an important thing to note about jotaro's character is how he acts AFTER his intro because he's so drastically different. early#jotaro and later jotaro aren't the same character and i do not mean this in a character development way. excluding the jail incident he's#completely different and probably shouldn't really be taken into account (especially considering the amount of slapstick in araki's intros)#and i think that's really???? what people center on for his character? Which sucks balls bad!#anyways. i could ramble more about this if asked i have so much to say but sigh. jotaro cares so much for his friends and family he's not a#flat fully cold asshole character regardless of whether you watch the anime or ova or read the manga. you just have poor media literacy#i wouldn't recommend watching solely the anime for his character though. the dub also changes a lot so it's... questionable#i love the anime and it's still important for him though. also adds neat stuff. i need to stop myself. i have many thoughts on the matter#jotaro kujo#joseph joestar#noriaki kakyoin#adding in case anyone sees: i am not saying that he is perfect about this. in fact he is very ass about it with jolyne and holly and that's#very important. he also is in fact an asshole sometimes. NOT as much as you guys are making him though!#please don't get me started on how much of a dick etc people make kakyoin to veer away from the 'woobified' characterizations of him#in fact i think that's bad if not worse because it CLAIMS to be in character. hes a prim asshole at times but not that angry or dishevelled
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Me: I wonder what Hook calls Sampo in the Japanese dub? Probably oji-san, since it's shushu in the original Chinese?
Hook: Sampo-ojichan!!
Oji is "uncle," which is hilarious because Hook calls Natasha by "older sister" when she wants something. So Hook either just really wants to get on Natasha's good side, or she takes Sampo at face value when he refers to himself as an old man. She trusts him a lot and takes him at his word and she calls him as such!
And Sampo calls Hook either ojou-san or oujo-san (I can't find the Japanese sub to see the spelling, and I can't tell them apart by ear)!
One spelling, oujo, means "princess," it's how you would refer to royalty. The other, ojou, (which I assume is what he's actually saying) is something you call the young lady of a high-class family with a high social standing. In Genshin Impact, the intro scene for a popular ship, chilumi, shows Childe calling Lumine ojou-chan, which the English dub translated as "girlie." Since Sampo uses -san instead of -chan, his is more formal and respectful, it's more like "young lady."
...It's also how you would refer to the daughter of a yakuza leader, which I love, since Hook leads her own little gang (the Moles) skzhkskdkd
But it really gets me in the heart, because! Hook is generally looked at as a delinquent by most adults. Which I mean. Not without good reason, she
calls Natasha an old witch
frequently sneaks out into the Fragmentum
has left graffiti all over the side of the orphanage
was constantly picking fights with other kids
beat a man unconscious for stealing from her dad
and has already picked up on how business gets done in the Underworld, and uses/actively participates in it to get what she wants- she basically acts an information broker
like Hook earns her reputation haha. The Underground is lucky that what Hook wants is just like. Candy and toys and to play hide-and-seek. I'm sure she'll have the capability to raise all kinds of hell and be more like an actual gang leader when she's older, even if she chooses not to act on it.
So Sampo calling her so politely and respectfully is really sweet and cute! Yes, he's polite and respectful with everyone, but that's just it- he treats Hook much like he does everyone else. He doesn't tell her to buzz off because she's a kid. He doesn't lie or try to cheat her or assume she's naive because of her age. He never talks down to her. He really does just treat her like a respected business partner and he takes her seriously, which Hook really seems to appreciate. And even when Sampo does treat her like a kid, it's not in a negative way; he guides her on little adventures and chats with her and takes her for joy rides on his moped. All of which Hook also really appreciates, since everyone else is too busy trying to get by to make time to play with her. She absolutely adores him.
I hope they officially join forces someday and terrorize all of Belobog with their shenanigans JSKJZNDKSJ
So Hook calls Sampo "Uncle Sampo" in a particularly affectionate/endeared tone, and Sampo calls Hook "Young Miss Hook" in a very respectful tone! And to reiterate:
#honkai star rail#hsr sampo#hsr hook#WHAT BUSINESS DO THEY HAVE BEING SO ADORABLE AUGH OTL#they're so cute...my heart...#I've seen people say Sampo is a bad influence on Hook but I don't really like that because I feel it takes away from Hook's character.#Let her be awful all on her own!!#god forbid women do anything skhzksjsnz#I actually do really like her just being like this no matter what though because I think Hook is a fascinating example of just how harsh-#-the Underground is and how it's developed separately from the Overworld and how it operates and what it takes to survive down there.#like Hook is like this because she grew up down there during the worst times.#even if she was born before the halves were sealed off she's too young to remember any of that.#I'm pretty sure the end of the main quest in Belobog was the first time she'd ever seen the sun.#and so I think it's really neat seeing how she operates and what she thinks of things. she offers an insight not many other characters do.#she's too nice for it but I would love for her to be more like a gang leader as she gets older it would be a fun divergence jzkzjdndkd#Sampo can be one of her business partners. Belobog is shaking in fear skxhjsjddn#hsr#sampo koski#hook
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I just realized that Ekaterin Vorkosigansaga's maiden name is Vorvayne because the structure and nature of her and Miles's romance are heavily inspired by Sayers's Wimsey novels, in which the romantic heroine is called Harriet Vane.
#I've never read the wimsey novels even though I have been vaguely aware of their existence since before I went through puberty#for some reason I spent a long time thinking that Lord Peter Wimsey was a wizard detective lol#but in these months I've been hyperaware of them because I keep making all these Bujold vs. Dunnett comparisons in my head#on so many topics very relevant to my heart#and I once had a theory that Bujold was inspired by Dunnett but I kept thinking that#this can't be true#because if it's true then Bujold misconstrued or ignored a lot of what Dorothy was saying in pretty in-your-face ways#and then I realized nah#they were both inspired by Sayers#they had the same parting point and each seems to have taken the elements they liked and made them her own#and each developed and elaborated on those elements while introducing other unique elements of her own from other sources#which makes a lot more sense and makes for a fascinating comparative reading project :3#vorkosigan saga#lord peter wimsey
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so how do I reconcile with just having big baby loser brain that decided I'd be mentally ill and perpetually stuck suffering instead of having just dealt with my shit in a more normal way? or is there some neuroscience that can explains that I don't have a cringefail brain but it's actually something else??
i mean. it's shame. shame I feel for struggling with things i consider i shouldn't struggle with, which i guess is kinda stupid bcs when i take a step back i realize it's understandable that im struggling with certain things ive lived through. being stuck in them doesn't entirely make sense, but I'm willing to accept that my past shaped me. not to mention that I'm also somehow kind of constantly going through really hard situations on top of also dealing with my past? but it also all (mental illness and emotional sensitivity, I mean) started with something, and my early childhood was my parents getting divorced.
but I consider that banal, plenty of parents get divorced and it doesn't mean their kid suffers from treatment-resistant depression and ptsd. I guess divorce is so normalized now that i don't consider it a valid thing to be traumatized over, at least not to the extent to which ive experienced symptoms. but I was separated from one parent, always missing one or the other, without any explanation that could make sense to a child's brain about why any of this happened and why i have to suffer because of it. can I get rid of the shame by validating the struggles I went through? would that make me feel better about having been disabled by my life experiences?
#personal#me#mental health#i don't mean this as an insult to other people who also struggle with the same shit i struggle with#its just rn im in quite an awful state and its a question that keeps replaying#but writing this out did make me realize how cruel it is to think this of myself ig#it doesnt make the thought any less extant though.#like is it that my brain and biology were structured this way? did i have a predisposition and then life events made me develop like thi#this*#its also possible its autism. but i don't know enough to know how to cope with that either.#from what I've gathered it means i actually have a genetic difference that made me more vulnerable to emotional difficulties?#i dont know what the point of finding out the answer to this is either. i guess to justify why its okay for me to be like this.#because so far it doesn't seem right. it doesnt make sense that i have this many mental issues.#maybe my expectations are unrealistic.#idk my psych at some point said i have these things in place so i wouldnt just fully lose my mind.#and i thought id gotten to a place where i didnt need dissociation as a coping tool anymore#but then more things that are super overwhelming keep happening in my life#and chronic pain plus sensory issues arent things that make you want to be present in your body either tbf
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Chapter 623
#naruto#madara#madara uchiha#uchiha madara#hashirama flashback#+ hashirama#baby Madara... baby Madara...... *sobs*#yes baby you're really strong and talented we know and we love you#Also ''and cover many weaknesses''. On all levels except literal Madara is going into any situation he encounters holding a rifle and#wearing an iron-plated hazmat suit.#The fact that he grows so powerful he begins not to need it much anymore probably contributes to how full of himself he is lol.#You're a ninja which is a job in which you have to be so exceedingly careful and guarded at all times and he's deeply internalized this. An#he's also so powerful he can often afford to throw caution to the wind more often than most people he meets. I'd start thinking I was God#too tbh.#I'm being so much wordier in the tags of these flashbacks than I've ever been in most of the blog lmao#It's so much easier though bc it's easier to have takes about Madara while he's still in development than to talk about what he's like at#his final stage. Madara revived in the War Arc is just a natural conclusion of everything that's started here and I find it more fun to tal#about the ''how he got there'' rather than the ''there''.
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if i really scratch my head i think maybe the one thing all of this could stem from is mere discussion of the fact that talia and selina's histories with bruce sort of operate in the reverse and inevitably that factors into any contention with either relationship. like it can't really be helped that bruce and talia were married very early on into the latter's history and that this is integral to analyzing talia's entire dynamic with bruce, her evolving perception of her own place in the world, and her eventual decision to break free of bruce entirely. the constraints of a marriage with bruce as desired by her father are foundational lore to the early aughts of her character in a way that selina's settled domestic life with bruce is not. if we're talking about the golden age what was foundational to selina's dynamic with bruce was his ability to recognize above everyone else her consistent capacity for mercy despite her villainous goals on the surface. in post-crisis that was translated along the lines of a class struggle specifically. the villainous goals were interpreted to represent a defiance of men and the state and their collective violence, and they also formed a means of survival. what was initially merely a recognition of selina's capacity for mercy now became a potential recognition of bruce's own hypocrisies. selina acted as a symbol for petty criminals in gotham whom bruce would otherwise have written off as immoral wholesale bc to him the law was the law. and the remarkable thing about it was that none of it required selina giving even an inch to bruce. she was who she was and that was what made her utterly compelling to him. it's not a slight against selina that neither marriage nor a close civilian relationship formed the basis of her relationship with bruce and i don't understand why anyone would take it as one. marriage and domestic life for talia was a mark of the utter tragedy of her relationship with bruce. it was a fantasy and a delusion and it could never have given her what she wanted nor lent her any kind of agency in the long term. and i think when we meander into the realm of comparing the relationships we really start to diminish why certain aspects are important to either. why are the various patriarchal restrictions on talia's agency so integral to her character arc and its exploration of freedom? why is selina's existence in a sphere of life entirely distinct of bruce so integral to her character arc and its exploration of class? the constant back and forth between shippers on either end trying to equalize in terms of what either relationship has gone through in canon like it's a checklist to romantic validity is a bit absurd and i wish we would move away from it when analyzing the relationships or the characters
#it reminds me a bit of when i said that i think selina becoming a millionaire was a stupid development#that was insulting to everything newell and grant and moench had tried to build up about her in the early 90s#and people got upset and called me a hypocrite bc talia is rich. like my guy. can i help it that talia is rich#i can't erase her foundational character traits to make some sort of even playing field..#and frankly the fact that she and bruce are rich /is/ precisely what drives the whole argument about duty between them#they are in no position to complain or grow tired or languish in their reams of wealth#there is a duty they owe to the world while they have power and they have to suck it up and uphold that duty#it is the absolute least they can do and they know that. hence why talia is repeatedly on bruce's ass about it#it is also not lost on me that the above complaint may largely stem from the lazarus affair#where talia was portrayed to be ridiculously haughty and more than willing to show off her wealth#even though she didn't do that in like. any other comic in her pre-assassination era#and the lazarus affair as i have said so many times was a ridiculous comic anyways bc it setup talia and selina to be#combative ship fodder to fuel disagreements between dick and bruce. it is literally the first comic where they were ever#pit against each other. despite the fact that they had co-existed in harmony for a decade prior#and denny o'neil had gone so far as to establish both of them as bruce's definitive love interests in the 70s#like idk man it's not hard to entertain a little more critical thinking and poke at why the comparisons between them are nonsensical#a lot of it. a Lot of it. is stemming from people wanting either ship to one up the other. and you shouldn't fall for it#to be deleted#anyway. not making this rebloggable bc i'm sure you're all annoyed already but this whole thing has really confused me. so i've rambled
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i'll read more from now on again
#🌙.rambles#so much to just think about n i'm lost in my own lil world#tmrrw gna have to face reality again bcs of school :c but. yk lately this year i think i've already developed lots#this past week has been especially formative.#i crave n yearn.. intimacy so much. i want to just be free like that. bcs i'm safe in my own self n. too much to say but#i think it's lonely. being out a lot today made me realize that. all these barriers in communication is so.. lonely#i want to read so much more for so many reasons but here with what i've already laid out the first reason i'll say is#i want to understand others better i want to even further expand my own thinking n just learn so much more#n then.. goddamn i want to write too. write so much so i could#it hurts. it hurts so much i feel like i know n think n feel more than i should n the wisdom is breaking me apart i don't know how to put it#into words. maybe that's why i've been afraid to start new things despite my insatiable curiosity n passion.#afraid of how it'll fill me with even more & i'm not sure how i'd manage. i feel as though i understand life differently than most..#most people around me at least. i see myself in musicians. artists. writers.#people who create once they've taken in much as well. people like me but.. it's been rather disturbing when i realize how most of them end#up like. n i wonder. i just wonder so much. n wish n dream that maybe i could end up differently.#i want so desperately to break out of the chains of reality of society of.. all those. idead that are taught to us n internalized ever since#we were born? i don't know how to write it and i don't think words could ever do it justice. but i want to truly be who i am at heart.#and yet being self-aware i suppose is confusing in such a bittersweet way. there's so much more that i do not know and cannot grasp#& then sometimes at the end of the day i just wonder n dream about if ever i would be more connected with reality. with this world.#regardless of how much one may put out to the world.. it'll never be understood or known in the same way as the one it originates from.#it's lonely. sad. but it makes what we can convey and relate with much more meaningful. n i'm so grateful for those things#n there's also just so much that relates to it n. yeah. is part of it like#the unconscious subconscious n conscious mind#for fuck's sake i want to learn so much it's overwhelming. psychoanalysis n neuroscience n#i want to learn more of others too. i want deep conversations. i want to read more books n listen to more music n just consume more n more#to learn more of the people who created them. everything around us is just so full of life n. it's so beautiful n so overwhelmingly painful.#my helplessness in doing more. i'm aware of why. n it just hurts. it hurts so much but i'm#glad at least that lately i've been more free. more myself. more self-aware n aware of the universe in general. n i look forward to#so much more. but.. yeah i still crave to be 'real' n part of this world in a more 'normal' way at times#i. have so much to write. but for now i'll return to reality with the this.. odd feeling in my chest. not enough too little too much. life
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[source]
i had not seen the "durge/astarion is canon!" post until earlier today with that discord screenshot and honestly ... a writer being like "i managed to shove in all this extra content for astarion/dark urge, but then we simply ran out of time for the other characters" is not good, actually. that doesn't mean your ship is the most canon. it means that astarion kept getting extra attention and other companions kept getting neglected. that other companions simply do not have the amount of content astarion has is not a good thing, it is a bad thing.
and like i'm saying this as someone who really loves astarion/durge. it's unplatable to me and that larian writers are sitting in fan discords going "yeah we just didn't do that for other characters but somehow i found the time for this!" is kind of gross to me
#added the scene tally for context bc this isn't even *just* a durge problem let me know if you want it off the post op#tbh i wasn't even surprised anymore by just how much more content ast*rion had compared to everyone else#larian - for whatever reason - had decided to make him their poster child and writers' pet for the entirety of ea already#so to have it be the same at release was#not surprising#what was surprising though is that they didn't even *try* to even out the content the others had#the difference in quantity and quality and just overall care is so stark#to have it confirmed by one of the main writers and apparently NARRATIVE LEAD DESIGNERS whose job it is to oversee EVERYONE'S development#is... Disappointing to say the very least#to have a writer say sorry#we didn't time and resources for any of the others#but we miraculously have the time to plan storyboard write record and animate them all for ast*rion is Truly Amazing#and instead for the takeaway for the fandom in general from this confirmation to be like#1) see that the writers had to work under crunch and address that#and 2) to be shocked at the disparity of treatment of their own characters from larian and one of their lead designers#the reaction is to celebrate a character and a ship that has been vastly preferred over several others for literal years despite feedback#and take it as confirmation that's it's “canon” and that post has 10k notes#it's absolutely insane to me#like how many wires does thirsting over this character cross for you lol#anyhow once i've wrapped up my own durge pt#which i don't even want to touch anymore because the reactivity of EVERYONE excluding ast*rion just isn't there lmao#even if bhaal kills you in front of you li and friends#i will write up a feedback report to larian#because i honestly don't find that acceptable and that is the only way to really get them to perhaps change anything in a definite edition#or patch#vg: baldur's gate 3#series: baldur's gate#bg3 critical#discourse for ts
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is it normal for your boss to ask why you're requesting a day off because i've never had to justify it at my previous jobs and it makes me feel gross that he even feels as though that is an appropriate question to ask
#not just as my employer but to ask a woman who is almost 40 years younger than you personal questions...#it is not the first time and the thing is my other boss never asks me why i'm taking a day off and keeps a respectable distance#but this one pries into my life and tries to develop a relationship beyond work#he has made inappropriate comments in the past such as asking if a certain man was my type and something worse i won't divulge here#he even will go as far as trying to park his car next to mine when he comes into work - and mind you we have a huge parking#it's so weird. the other day i was waiting in my car cause i was 10 minutes early and he did the exact same thing#like waited for me to get out so he could get out and walk up to the floor of the office together.......#bro you're the one who has the key to the door. why are you waiting for ME#he'll even purposely exit work at the same time as me and practically watch me drive away#i honestly could go on and on about things he does that make me uncomfortable#there aren't many employees in this building and most work from home or other locations so i'm very alone in here#sometimes i feel bad complaining because this job is the easiest one i've ever had but other times i feel exploited in ways beyond workload#it's not like he does this every day but it's enough to be uncomfortable without crossing any lines so what can i do really#i just don't wanna keep belittling the things people do to me and pass them off as okay when they're not#because i clearly feel it in my body and i don't deserve to let myself ignore that. and i'm tired of being in a bad mood all the time#i've started applying to other jobs again even though i hate that i hate changing jobs i hate starting new somewhere#but it's what i have to do and at least this time i've gathered enough experience to be selective in where i apply#it has to be way better and more convenient and a higher salary. for me to leave it has to be worth it.#**
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yeah i think i've fully come to terms with the fact that i'm 100% somewhere on the ace spectrum lol
#dax rambles#i'm still absolutely bi but i'm just so fucking indifferent towards sex and relationship shit 90% of the time#i have attraction towards whatever gender but i don't even really consider it or think about it -- granted there is stuff i'm attracted to#i do like many various masculine & feminine features etc -- but ultimately it's just like i'm attracted to who i'm attracted to lol#but i really don't give much of a shit about sex itself really outside of when i'm in gooner mode and even then i only really care about#my weird fetishes/kinks LMAO#and relationship-wise it's the same though yeah i still want a relationship and have a possible crush on someone -- though that could be a#rebound thing since i went through a pretty rough breakup earlier this year + there's some other stuff so i doubt i'll act on it -- but#when it comes to relationships in general like in media and shit i really do not care honestly aside from a small handful of exceptions lol#like i still see so many people talking about shipping constantly here and i'm realising how truly little i give a shit about any#of that kind of stuff LMAO like more power to you but yeah it's never been something i'm that interested in at all aside from a small#handful of ships i like but honestly that's more of a lesser point#i just have zero interest in romance outside of what my own relationships would be i guess is the best way to put it#and i know i could never ever ever be in a relationship with someone who i haven't at least known as a friend for a good few years prior#like no fucking way lmao i need that established level of trust and bond + chemistry but i've literally never developed a crush on someone#outside of friends anyway so lmao and by crush i do mean someone who i would want to try a relationship with not just#“i'm attracted to this person” when it comes to attraction it's whatever and even with that it's very much a “damn they're hot would” and#that's about it lol it's not really super often either which is another main reason why i'm pretty confident i'm asexual to a degree#i think it was something i was in denial about for a while because i'm very happy with & enjoy being bisexual but either way i am still bi#it's just that the way i'm attracted to people & have little interest in sex itself is additionally some type of asexual experience lol#i'll probably delete this later unless i forgor i don't really give a shit though lmao
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beau is such a trailblazer of an oc cause he's the first dallonwrites protagonist to have a good relationship with his family
#LMAOOOO LIKE#i know they're the type of family who would have a group chat together and that concept is so wildly foreign to me#my relationship w my family is actually fine dw it's just like all recovering from things. we make do#felix and dorothy were definitely like the product of me fully realising i had a fucked up childhood and not being able to get therapy#i think my whole pov on it is changing now though which is interesting#like i havent outgrown RR but i would never write the things i decided for that story if i came up with it now#but 20 year old me wanted to write about those things for a reason so it's almost become a time capsule#i actually have sooo many thoughts of this because my brain is so interesting to me lately#recently more often than not i hate reading characters with fucked up childhoods from other writers#idk why but i'm just like. i want the kids left alone for the most part!#some more than others and its like i dont know what the reasoning is because its not like i can know where their inspo is coming from#(that's another thing i want to write about one day because i do think some people esp newer writers like#don't fully know how to write an interesting backstory yet or aren't confident in it so they lean on#very traumatic childhood things like abuse neglect addiction etc.#and without saying what I Went Through it's very interesting when you see things you went through IRL#that for others are just like interesting character development ideas#NOT TO MAKE ANYONE FEEL BAD! because i mean i do and have done it before with things irrelevant to me#it's just something i've noticed and like. i think easy to sensationalise when you're a newer writer#even things you HAVE gone through)#not me testing the waters for essays in the side blog tags again. i need to actually write something for my silly little substack#actually similarly to this i rly want to write abt how i can't get with the whole my old writing is so bad and cringe!!! anymore#bc now i know younger me was in such a scary place and needed those cringey stores#but i need to do it in a specific way bc i dont think that line of thinking is problematic. i just cant do it
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I saw this book entitled "Plants Have So Much to Give Us, All We Have to Do is Ask" by Mary Siisip Genuisz and i thought oh I HAVE to read that. The author is Anishinaabe and the book is all about Anishinaabe teachings of the ways of the plants.
Going from the idiotic, Eurocentric, doomerist colonialism apologia of that "Cambridge companion to the anthropocene" book, to the clarity and reasonableness of THIS book, is giving me whiplash just about.
I read like 130 pages without even realizing, I couldn't stop! What a treasure trove of knowledge of the ways of the plants!
Most of them are not my plants, since it is a different ecosystem entirely (which gives me a really strikingly lonely feeling? I didn't know I had developed such a kinship with my plants!) but the knowledge of symbiosis as permeating all things including humans—similar to what Weeds, Guardians of the Soil called "Nature's Togetherness Law"—is exactly what we need more of, exactly what we need to teach and promote to others, exactly what we need to heal our planet.
She has a lot of really interesting information on how knowledge is created and passed down in cultures that use oral tradition. The stories and teachings she includes are a mix of those directly passed down by her teacher through a very old heritage of knowledge holders, stories with a newer origin, and a couple that have an unknown origin and (I think?) may not even be "authentically" Native American at all, but that she found to be truthful or useful in some way. She likes many "introduced" plants and is fascinated by their stories and how they came here. (She even says that Kudzu would not be invasive if we understood its virtues and used it the way the Chinese always have, which is exactly what I've been saying!!!)
She seems a bit on the chaotic end of the spectrum in regards to tradition, even though she takes tradition very seriously—she says the way the knowledge of medicinal and otherwise useful plants has been built, is that a medicine person's responsibility is not simply to pass along teachings, but to test and elaborate upon the existing ones. It is a lot similar to the scientific method, I would call it a scientific method. Her way of seeing it really made me understand the aliveness of tradition and how there is opportunity, even necessity, for new traditions based upon new ecological relationships and new cultural connections to the land.
I was gut punched on page 15 when she says that we have to be careful to take care of the Earth and all its creatures, because if human civilization destroys the biosphere the rocks and winds will be left all alone to grieve for us.
What a striking contrast to the sad, cruel ideas in the Cambridge companion of the Anthropocene, where humans are some kind of disease upon the Earth that oppresses and "colonizes" everything else...!...The Earth would GRIEVE for us!
We are not separate from every other thing. We have to learn this. If I can pass along these ideas to y'all through my silly little posts, I will have lived well.
#symbiosis#the ways of the plants#you are a caretaker#you are not separate from every other thing#indigenous literature#books
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Please help me survive and escape homelessness.
GFM
KF
CA
I want to be safe by the winter of 2025.
I'm having a difficult time fundraising for my van. Repeated car troubles and various other unexpected issues have eaten into my savings multiple times, and while in a slump I wasn't making as many posts about my situation and I got significantly less donations over the last ~6 weeks on both my gofundme and my kofi/cashapp. While I've 'regained' a lot of what I lost, I've been spending about as much as is coming in. Aside from one instance, my emergency expenses were eaten by my fundraiser savings, which was then gained back about as quickly as I was spending it on my daily expenses. I still haven't reached the goal for the recent $1000 I had to spend on my car.
So far I've lost $2,200 of the $3,100 that's shown on the GFM. I'll be updating the fundraiser to reflect the loss.
I'm autistic and struggle just to meet my basic needs, and despite that I've been denied disability income multiple times. Failing to hold a job (and developing PTSD symptoms from my time being employed), and let down and abandoned by anyone who could support me, I'm left with few resources and few options. I try to make posts when I'm in a good mood, or keep people updated when I'm in a bad mood. I make videos on YouTube, hoping eventually I can show people what their money has gotten for me.
On a good month, I only spend about $600, leaving me some space to save the donations I was previously getting. With winter and the holidays coming, I'm not sure I'll be getting as much money as the warmer months, and I'll be spending more on keeping myself warm and fed over the winter. It will be more like $800/mo now. The only real solution is getting more money than I'm spending, as I'm already spending as little as I safely can.
I'll only take financial advice from someone who has lowered their expenses below mine, with the same disabilities and circumstances as me. What I need is more money, and I don't always have the energy to pay back with art and things like that. I don't even always have the energy to post my pleas for help. I don't have a sponsor to help me make these posts.
I'm in a low energy mode because what can I do with no money? In a state where I have to spend as little as possible, see such slow results, see most of it taken by things outside my control, and somehow keep up hope that this will work?
When I feel safe and have adequate shelter in a van, I'll be able to REST. And then start working harder and making more money one way or another. Whether you think I should suck it up and get a job or you want to see me become a content creator, I need money for any kind of opportunity and I'm just not getting enough.
So, thank you to everyone who's suppported me so far. Thank you to the repeat supports. I'm sorry I had to spend your money on other things. Thank you to the person who covered most of a huge expense I was stressing about a couple months ago. Thank you to the person who sent me $200 to get a hotel and told me to take care of my mental health before saving anything. Thank you to the blogs that have featured my fundraiser in your posts. Thank you to everyone who keeps boosting and cheering me on even though you can't support financially.
I don't know what else I can do to get more people like that to see me. There are so many options on the internet, but it's still a daunting task and as much as I can't really afford to rest, I have to sometimes. Often, in fact.
Please keep boosting this post until my goal is really met. Until I can spend more than $600 a month and actually earn your money rather than beg for it.
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Really hoping “the Mandalorian can be anyone” isn’t a way for them to write off Din Djarin as a character because writers/directors/D*sney can’t decide/agree on a coherent story (for him or Mandalore tbh) or compelling character development especially when the show is built on his character (and Grogu) and in subtitles he is still refered to as ‘THE MANDALORIAN’ and known by other characters through that moniker or ‘Mando’ like what???
#it really does feel like they're going back on so much that is previously established#and I'm talking established in the show only#and even if you want to blame d*sney for inserting grogu back in such a hollow manner#most of the audience love grogu AND din#it's guaranteed revenue for them#i've seen a lot of people saying din + grogu moments are the only redeeming quality of this season#and while i adore their found family relationship grogu's moments feel very... shoe-horned in to me#and the overall season feels very aimless more so than previous#anyway yeah#I'm kind of disappointed cause there's a lot of potential being wasted with bo and mandalore in general but whatever#Din/Mando is a character I really love and you could still have him follow the old way but grow as well#i know pedro and fans want the helmet off more but should that come at the cost of compelling development and narrative?#the same way grogu's return came at that cost#apparently 2 years are meant to have passed??? since grogu left#what kind of fucking bs is that#honestly even though my hopes were low for this season after hearing f*v say there was no planned end and they were about halfway through#i'm still left disappointed as hell#and i think that's what sucks most#too many expectations and too long waiting for the third season#and just as I was starting to get back into star wars as well#back to my boy cal and bd-1#hoping jedi survivor slaps#shite.txt#don't reblog
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