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annaphoenix1994 · 2 years ago

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Ch.47 - By Your Grace

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Kiera gets intimidating, yet surprising news; Simon is faced with one of his greatest fears; the 141 is due to return home; Kiera comes to terms with having to make a decision.

January 13, 2023

"Love, you should go to the doctor. Those cramps have gotten worse." Simon warned, frowning as he watched her spit used toothpaste into the sink, her complexion nearly ill.

"I guess you didn't overhear me make my appointment yesterday," She breathed a chuckle. "I think my IUD moved. I couldn't feel the strings."

"I don't know what that is?" He shrugged.

"It's the thing that keeps a miniature you coming out of me." She scoffed playfully, glancing at him through the mirror as his cheeks flushed with what seemed like embarrassment when in reality it was excitement. He pictured the perfect combination of her with him compressed into a child, the thought making him eager to experience, although if he were to be honest, the thought of bringing a child of his own into the world was a new terror that he was worried to experience. If my own nephew can be taken from me by my enemies, I don't want to imagine what would happen if my enemies knew I had a child of my own, he frowned.

"Oh. You said you thought it moved? I'd rather ask you before I Googled it." He chuckled.

"Yeah. Guess we can't be having rough sex for a while."

"Can't help myself."

"You'll have to if my OB/GYN tells me that's the reason why it moved, babe."

She watched him blush, hiding a grin when he looked down to his lap, his eyes fluttering shut as he wasn't the best morning person. Why can't you make appointments in the afternoon? He huffed. Sliding on her sweatpants, a loose t-shirt and tossing a pair of Hey Dudes on the floor next to the bed, she sat next to Simon on the bed and swept back his hair with her fingers, "Watch me find out I'm pregnant." She joked.

"Christ," He mumbled, keeping his eyes closed as he enjoyed her touch. "That's the last thing I need is another me running around."

"Hush, you're not that bad," She teased. "Might be a girl. Then you'll really be in trouble."

"Don't remind me. Especially at the same time," He chuckled, his expression showing her that he didn't seem worried if she were to be pregnant at some point, seeming to be rather relaxed at the thought of being a father - a better father than his own. "Your father would kill me."

"Nah. He's been wanting grandchildren."

"Yeah, he would. I wouldn't blame him. I'd kill my son if he knocked up his girlfriend after a few months." He scoffed.

"You're overthinking, babe," She assured him. "My IUD has done this before when I first got it. The pain is as familiar as before."

"I still don't know what exactly that is, but I'll take your word for it."

"I'm sure you'll still Google it after I leave."

"Probably."

"Don't forget that we have to take the guys to the airport. Unfortunately, they're going back home today." She reminded him, frowning at him as he sighed at her reminder.

"I know."

"They have to be there by three. I'll follow you all there so that you don't have to hitch a ride back to the ranch." She teased.

"Okay, love."

She continued to comb through his hair for a few more minutes before she glanced at the clock, "Shit, I'm going to be late."

"Yeah, best get there and reassure me that it's nothing major. I'll be worrying about it the entire time you're gone." He sighed.

She giggled, "You're worrying over nothing, babe. I'll be back in a couple of hours. Surely you can do your research on your curiosity to pass the time away."

"Two hours is a long time to wonder." He sighed, opening his eyes to look up at her after the feeling of her fingers in his hair disappeared.

"It'll be alright. I'll text you when I'm on my way back."

He nodded, feeling her lean down to press a kiss to his lips and mumbled "I love you" before retreating, Simon telling her that he loved her back as he watched her walk through the bedroom door, grabbing her purse from the couch and keys from the hook. He sighed, laying his head back on the pillow to battle the early-morning exhaustion and setting an alarm on his phone to wake him in two hours as his eyelids were too heavy to think about anything else except the thought of her coming home with unplanned news.

He wanted a baby, but he also wanted to know that he didn't have to worry about the thought of an enemy crossing the boundary like before, the thought of Kiera and his own child taken from him making his teeth grind. Seeing Fernando being taken from Alejandro was bad enough, losing my nephew was worse, but losing my own child and the only woman I've ever loved? I don't even want to know what that feels like.

"Ms. Dutton?" The nurse smiled as she opened the door that led to the private examination rooms of the women's clinic.

Kiera smiled, standing to her feet as she greeted the nurse, following her to get her blood pressure and weight recorded before going to see her OB/GYN who was also a fellow friend from high school and trusted OB. "Alright, blood pressure is normal. Weight is normal," The nurse hummed as she wrote her data on Kiera's chart. Shit, I need to stop letting Simon make dinner, she cursed to herself, punishing herself for eating more while in a relationship, knowing Simon never let her eat just a sandwich to compare to a full meal. Why is it that he can eat twice as much and lose weight, but I eat the same and gain?

"I see here that you're concerned that your IUD may have moved?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"How long has it been since you had it put in?"

"About six months. I got it put in a couple of months before I went on a deployment. Can't stand the thought of having a period while in the middle of a desert." She chuckled, her anxiety causing her to babble on instead of giving a simple answer.

The nurse giggled along with her, "I understand. Thank you for your service."

"Oh, I-I'm not a soldier," She corrected. "I work with the military, but I'm not, you know," She huffed. "I can't really say."

"That's okay. You still went in the line of fire. Most people wouldn't even do that even if you're not a service member." She assured her, taking notice of her secretive job, but refusing to pry.

"Yeah." Kiera nodded, looking to her lap as the nurse walked away with a completed chart in her hand, disappearing into the examination room with Rachel - Kiera's OB.

"Are you here to cause me trouble again with that cervix of yours?" Rachel teased her dear friend, greeting her with a warm smile and friendly hug. "How are you? Are you in one piece? Let me look at you."

"As far as I know," She chuckled. "I'm not quite the same, though." She continued, pulling the fabric of her loose shirt over her shoulder to show Rachel her healing scars, watching her gasp as she pulled back to look closer, recognizing the scar on her cheekbone and horrid scars on her shoulder from the blast, knowing that wasn't even the worst of it.

"Oh, Lord!" Rachel gasped. "What happened?"

"A damn grenade in Chicago."

"Oh my God, I heard about that. I had no idea that was you. Wasn't it you and some Marines?"

"Yeah, Marines and members of the team I was assigned to work with."

"Is- Everyone okay?"

"Can't say the same about our opposed, but yes."

She knew better than to openly talk about her experience with combat, but she trusted Rachel enough to be able to rant to her as Simon had been the only one she had talked to about it as well as her own father, but something about being comfortable enough with a best friend was more comforting than a father's advice.

"I'm glad. I'm sure this is the least of your worries right now."

"I hope so," Kiera sighed, following Rachel into the room and retrieving the medical robe from her before changing out of her clothes behind the privacy curtain. "I remember when it moved last time. Hurt so fuckin' bad."

"Mine did that, too," Rachel said from the other side of the curtain, fumbling with her equipment while she waited on Kiera to return. "Cramping, spotting, some bloating, the whole nine yards. I'll see if I can find the string and I can take it out for you."

"Oh, I need some type of birth control."

"Why's that, Kiera? You find you a cute soldier instead of fighting off terrorists?" She teased.

"Yes, actually, and fought off a terrorist." She corrected, appearing from behind the curtain.

"Is that so? What's his name?"

"I'm afraid you'll take a liking to him like you did my last boyfriend. I think I'll keep him a secret."

"Oh, shut up!" Rachel laughed. "You know I won't mess with your man. Well, not in front of you, anyway." She teased.

"I figured, you slut," She laughed. "His name is Simon."

"And is he a fling or here for the long run?" She asked, happiness for her friend gleaming in her eyes. You deserve such a good man, Kiera. You've been through so much.

"I think I've found the one, honestly. He's so good to me. Better than what I deserve."

"Shut up, girl. You deserve a good man. That last one was a piece of shit and I'm really surprised you didn't feed him to the wolves."

"I was different back then. I was too dumb."

"Nothing's changed," Rachel teased. "You got a picture of this Simon?"

"I do, actually. I mainly sneak pictures of him because he doesn't like how he looks, but he doesn't see what I see." She replied, reaching for her phone to show Rachel her wallpaper: a photo of her and Simon in front of the Christmas tree in her parent's lodge. He was never much of a smiling type when it came to photos, but thanks to her father, he couldn't help but smile at the stupid joke, unaware that Kiera had told her father to tell him a stupid joke when she asked her mother to take the photo of them, knowing his natural smile was so beautiful, his white and straight teeth complimenting his natural tan-like complexion.

"Oh, wow! He's handsome, Kiera!" Rachel gasped, slipping on a pair of latex gloves after washing her hands, her heart swelling for how happy Kiera looked in the photo, not able to remember a time where Kiera actually looked happy. "And he's tall, too! Almost can't see the tree behind him. You caught yourself a good one, girl."

"Thank you."

"Where's he from?"

"Manchester."

"And he's British? You'll have to let me meet him one day!"

"Not if you keep swooning."

"I'm not swooning," Rachel giggled. "You keep forgetting I'm married, huh?"

"Mhm. Does Brandon know you're this much of a slut for your friend's boyfriend?" She teased, the pair laughing to ease the nervous tension Kiera held as she knew the procedure was about to be painful.

"Totally," She rolled her eyes playfully. "What happened to your legs, girl?" She asked, furrowing her brows as she looked at the healing grafts.

"From that explosion. Had third degree burns and they had to take grafts from my thighs for my back. I'll show you before I leave."

"You don't have to if you're uncomfortable."

"Rachel, you're staring at my fucking twat. I'm sure looking at scars on my back is less intimidating."

"True," Rachel shrugged. "It's a job. You become numb to it after a while. Although I must say I'd rather look at yours than anyone else's."

"Of course you would. Lesbian."

Rachel giggled, turning on the lamp to give her a better view of her work, placing lubricant on her speculum before proceeding after Kiera's consent. After a few moments of minor discomfort, Rachel's head peered up to look at her. "Okay, I can't see your strings, so I'm going to have to use something to try and find it. It definitely moved. Hopefully it hasn't imbedded itself."

"Fuck, I hope not."

"Me either. I'd hate to have to dig into your cervix more than I'll have to," She sighed, taking a cytobrush from the nearby table to continue the search for the IUD string.

"What usually causes one to move?" Kiera asked, breaking the silence.

"Can be a number of things. Considering you have a boyfriend now, I'd say he's to blame for this one." She giggled, teasing her.

"I'm not surprised." Kiera scoffed, opening her phone to text Simon the good news.

Today, 8:15 AM

Kiera: Definitely no rough sex for a while. You moved my IUD. Lol She's trying to find the string so she can take it out and replace it.

She knew Simon went back to sleep judging by how heavy his eyes were when she left that morning, but knew he'd appreciate the semi-good news to look at for when he got up.

"I'm just kidding. Considering your line of work, it can be anything. Once I find it, I'll do an ultrasound on you to make sure it didn't imbed itself and I'll remove it and put in a new one."

"Sounds good."

"Have you been bleeding any aside from cramps?"

"Occasionally. It's almost like spotting. It did this last time."

"Okay." Rachel nodded as she continued her search for the string of the IUD, having to use a different method that was a little more uncomfortable but more reliable. "Found it. Take a few deep breaths. When I count to three, I'll take it out, okay?"

Kiera nodded.

With a wince, Kiera shut her eyes at the stinging pain as the IUD was removed, dreading the moment a new one would be put back in as the insertion pain was far worse than the removal.

"I'm going to do an ultrasound real quick before I put in a new one. I need to make sure you don't have any damage to your uterus." She explained, preparing her machine as she placed a delicate dollop of gel on Kiera's stomach, Kiera wincing at the sudden chill.

She pressed the probe to her abdomen, swirling a few times each way as Kiera watched her study the screen before deciding to fumble on her phone to distract herself of the discomfort. "Well, this is interesting."

"What?"

"I think I found the reason why you've been having your cramps."

"Don't tell me it's a cyst on my ovary."

"Can't find those with this type of ultrasound, dummy," Rachel poked, pointing to her screen. "You've got a little blip here." She finished, the corners of her mouth curling into a smile. You're going to be such a good mom, Kiera.

"A... baby?"

Rachel nodded, "I'm glad you came to me today, but we need to keep an eye on you for a while. With you having an IUD and managing to get pregnant, you're at risk for a ectopic pregnancy."

She heaved a heavy breath, her nerves rattling and her brain seeming to go in a spiral. He's going to leave me. He's going to leave me. "Wh-What's that?"

"It's when the egg grows on the fallopian tube instead of your uterus. I'd say you're at about four weeks right now. I'll take a blood test from you today and have you come back after forty-eight hours to take another one. I need to keep an eye on your HCG levels. I'll do a vaginal ultrasound today too to make sure the gestational sac is in your uterus. If it is, then I'll have you come back in two weeks to check on it again." She explained, taking notice of Kiera's worry as she sat her phone aside and laid her head back on the bed, regulating her breathing at the news.

"O-Okay."

"You're worried he's going to leave, aren't you?"

"Wouldn't be surprised. He doesn't take sudden news very well. He'll likely shut down and disappear for a while and leave me to wonder what he's thinking about."

"He'll come back to you if he does that. All men are the same: they don't like talking about something that shocks them, so they shut down and give themselves space to think about it whereas us women want to talk about it now instead of later."

"Fucking right." She sighed.

"It'll be alright. I'm sure he's not going anywhere."

"I hope not."

With a folder of information in the passenger seat of her truck, she found herself resting her left hand on her stomach as she drove, curious about the life growing inside of her. Not only was this big news, but she had a decision to make that couldn't be taken lightly...

She had to leave Shepherd alone.

After a stressful cry, she pulled into the driveway of the ranch, slowly driving along the gravel to avoid harsh bumps to protect the life inside of her, everything seeming to come naturally to her as a newly expecting mother. Parking at the house, she looked out the passenger window at a group of riders trotting through the pasture, Teeter's head of purple hair indicating that the 141 was going on a final trail ride before their flight home, reminiscing on how they'd miss being there aside from the drama of Fernando being taken. All because of me, she frowned.

Entering the house, she expected Simon to be among the group of riders, leaving her to cry in the emptiness of her own home, unaware that Simon was still in bed, the alarm on his phone bursting throughout the house. She walked into the bedroom to see him sleeping soundly, turned onto his stomach as his back embraced the cool air from the ceiling fan. Instead of waking him to let him aware of her return, she opened his phone to turn off his alarm, swiping up to clear out his previous apps to save the battery as he was notorious for not charging it.

With her intrusive thoughts taking over, she inconspicuously tapped on his message app, seeing a recent text from an unmet friend of his - Ben.

Yesterday, 11:52 PM

Ben: The ball is next month on the 20th.

Simon: ok. I'll bring kiera with me. can't wait for you to meet her

Ben: Me too, mate. Hope she's making you happy.

Simon: more than you can imagine. convinced i've found my soulmate.

She smiled down at the phone, her chest fluttering at his words although she was expecting, out of past relationship experience, that he was talking about another woman, leaving her to, again, be the one that wasn't good enough.

Ben: Better put a ring on it before she wakes up and realizes who she's with. LOL!

Simon: thats the plan

Smiling, she cleared out the message's app, unsurprised that he had only been texting Ben, her, and Soap. Well, technically a group chat that was made for the members of the 141, leaving Soap and Gaz the only two that communicated through it, Simon occasionally replying a one-worded answer every now and then. She couldn't help but mask a giggle as he had, in fact, been Googling what an IUD was, his safari app on a website that explained in depth as to what it was. Shaking her head, she forced herself to quit invading his privacy as she sat his phone down, deciding to let him sleep even though she wanted nothing more than to nestle up against him, knowing she'd cry when he'd instinctively wrap his arm around her abdomen, afraid he'd take notice of a pending bump before she even had the chance to tell him.

She quietly shut the door behind her, leaving Simon to rest in his truly relaxed state as she proceeded to lay on the couch, turning on the television to distract her thoughts of the sudden news, unable to keep herself from shedding tears again at the fear of him leaving her for being pregnant. How am I going to tell him? How am I going to tell my parents?

A few hours later, she awoke to the smell of Simon's lingering cologne, indicating that he was up and nearby, Kiera suddenly remembering that he was going to ride with his teammates on the way back to the airport. "Funny how you'll sleep through a storm, but wake up when I'm trying to be quiet when walking around." He chuckled after noticing she had woken up, smirking at her messy hair and smeared mascara. It didn't take him long to realize she had been crying, but he didn't ask why.

Not yet.

"It's crazy, but I smelled you." She huffed.

"So you're a bloodhound now, yeah?"

"I guess so. Is it the afternoon already?"

"Yeah," He nodded, pouring himself a cup of water before pouring a glass for her, meeting her at the couch to sit next to her, patting his lap for her to stretch her legs across him so he could rub her legs - something he found to enjoy. "We've still got a couple of hours before we have to go. Teeter told me she was going to take them out for a ride before they left."

"I saw them riding out when I got back this morning. Knowing Teeter, her and Soap veered off to have one last time together for a while."

The pair chuckled.

"You're probably right," He nodded, ensuring to look at her as she drunk her water, taking the opportunity to really look at her to confirm his suspicions that she had been crying. He already knew - he was just mentally preparing himself for her to confirm it. "What did the doctor say?"

"She took my IUD out. It was moved."

"Guess I'll have to take it easy on you from now on." He smirked.

"Yeah, because it hurt when she took it out and especially when she-" She cut herself off, knowing that Rachel didn't put a new one in, in confirmation that it would nearly terminate her pregnancy. She knew to cut herself off instead of saying that a new one was put in, knowing that Simon was more likely to understand the news of her pregnancy than to hear a lie. "-Had to find it."

"I would've went with you if you wanted me to."

No, I didn't. Especially with how I'm expecting you to react.

"It's okay. I wouldn't have wanted you to see me like that."

"Do you have to go back?"

"In a couple of days. You can go with me if you want. The appointment is in the afternoon." She winked, fighting the deep sigh as she expected him to not be around after she told him the news.

"If you want me to," He assured her, massaging his heavy fingers against her semi-swollen ankles. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head, "I've just been thinking."

"Don't think too hard. Your head will explode," He poked, he too fighting a deep sigh as he wondered when she was going to tell him, taking notice of how hard it was for her to keep it a secret in fear of him leaving her. "What're you thinking about?"

Her hands fumbled in her lap, looking down at her thumbs before she spoke, "After we find Shepherd, I think I'm going to resign as a Case Officer. I can't handle the thought of my family having to go through something like this again. The pain it caused my friends, my mother, the fights between me and Frankie, the constant worry, and the disappointment from my father. I can't handle that thought anymore, Simon."

"You're not disappointing your father," He corrected, frowning at her worry. "You've had it handled since day one, love. You're very good at your job-"

"Maybe so, but I can't put my family in the line of fire anymore. This job has caused me more harm than good. You know that. This ranch is supposed to be a safe haven - somewhere we can all gather without having to worry about someone killing our cattle and taking our friend's son to hurt me. And I'm especially not putting my child in the mix of it all." She babbled, not realizing she had just unwillingly admitted what was bothering her while her mixed emotions took over, frowning as she felt Simon's hands stop massaging her ankles, letting himself fall into shock at what she had just said.

He's going to leave. He's going to leave.

"Are you fucking with me?" He asked, referring to their brief exchange of jokes earlier that morning.

"I wish I was," She kept her eyes down, forcing the tears back as she was too scared to face him, expecting him to throw her legs off of his lap and retreat immediately as if she were comparing him to her abusive and former boyfriend. "I should've kept track of my IUD, but I didn't think nothing of it as it was pretty fucking hard to keep up with six months while deployed-" She babbled.

His chest rose and fell heavily, containing his excitement as her emotions and his weren't twining together like they usually did. He sensed she was worried about something far more than just being pregnant and so was he, but there seemed to be something else that she wasn't telling him. "How far along are you?"

"Sh-She said about four weeks," She sniffled, keeping her gaze at her lap and occasionally peering to her stomach, wondering what it was going to look like in a few weeks as this was her first time ever carrying a child. "I'm so scared, Simon."

"Yeah," He scoffed. "Join the club."

Fuck, that came out wrong, he grimaced to himself, shutting his eyes as he expected her to take it the wrong way, frowning at how she slowly pulled her legs from his lap, tears falling as she saw exactly what she expected: Simon let her. When usually, he would always pull her back to him when she would retreat. She needs her space. Maybe so do I...

She got up from the couch, rushing to their bedroom and wiping the tears from her eyes, leaving Simon in the couch to replay the wave of shock that he was conquering. She lay on their bed, pulling the pillow he had been laying on to comfort herself with the lingering scent he left behind, cherishing it as she expected him to get on the plane with the only family that he knew. Her tears stained the pillow, clutching it close as she whimpered, letting her phone play music from a playlist she was sure to make her cry. Just get it all out. Let your heart break before he does it for you. She squeezed her eyes shut as Zach Bryan's "Something in the Orange" started on her playlist, forcing the tears from her eyes as she assumed that's how her life was going to take charge after expecting Simon to retreat himself from her completely.

"If you leave today, I'll just stare at the way the orange touches all things around; the grass, trees and dew, how I just hate you, please turn those headlights around..."

Simon took advantage of the vape pen she left behind on the counter, taking a few long drags to help ease his nerves. He shook his head at himself for how harsh he sounded, but truly, he felt ten feet tall and bulletproof. His time to be a father - a better father than his own - had finally come. The emotions took over him as he found himself to push his palms against the counter, looking down at the granite as if he saw something in it, but he was just thinking about her words and how to handle it.

Over and over again.

He gave himself a few minutes to himself, taking consecutive drags from the vape pen as he knew Kiera wouldn't be needing it anymore, the familiar high he felt in his head taking away some of his nervous thoughts, thankful that he successfully fought the urge to want to open a pack of cigarettes instead of a fruity nicotine flavor, thankful that he found the strength within himself to not resort to old habits because of his nerves.

Soon, he put aside his worrisome thoughts and found himself making his way to their bedroom, opening the door quietly to see Kiera curled up on the bed, frowning at how she clutched to his pillow as if she were mourning his loss. Her mascara left a dark trail on her cheeks while her gaze was fixated on nothing particular, whimpering as she took notice of his presence. "I'm sorry I took away your freedom," She sniffled over the low tone of her phone's speaker playing what seemed to be like a slow genre playlist, the upsetting tunes vowing to make her cry more than she already was. "Didn't even give you a chance to enjoy a relationship because I'm too stupid to check my birth control."

Stop blaming yourself, love, he huffed. "No, you didn't," He replied, his voice low and absent of any anger or retaliation. "But that doesn't mean I'm wanting to leave it behind."

He waited for her to look at him. Instead, he watched her close her eyes and her face curl into another sob. He didn't think it would bother him as much to see her cry, coming rather used to it after her sudden nightmares, but the way she cried in front of him now - it physically pained him. I'm not giving you your space anymore. You need me.

"I took your freedom away from you, Simon," She sniffled. "Instead of you worrying about what fight you're going to get into next, you'll have to worry about this baby-"

"Stop," He cut her off, moving to sit on the foot of the bed, still staying distant as he felt she needed her space, but was there just in case she wanted to cling to him. "I'd rather worry about you."

"So you're telling me if Price were to call you right now and say that he needs you for a mission, you wouldn't go?" She scoffed.

"No, I wouldn't," He huffed, his voice rising slightly to grasp her attention, but not negatively, but assuring. "Choices have consequences. Even if you made me go back, I wouldn't. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you when I couldn't be here to prevent it from happening."

"You-You wouldn't?"

"No. Before I met you, I would. I didn't have anybody at home waiting for me," He frowned, looking down at the floor as his hands were twined with each other, the sight of her in distress making him ill in the stomach. It's because of how you reacted, you idiot, he scoffed to himself. "Can I replace that pillow?" He asked, his dark irises looking at her hazel ones.

"Please." She whimpered, taking the pillow and throwing it to the floor in an aggressive manner, causing him to chuckle as he found it humorous, bending down to pick it up and tossing it to the other many pillows decorating their bed.

"That's my favorite pillow," He poked as he lowered himself onto the bed, opening his arm to her as she instinctively nestled up against him, his arm keeping her close to his torso, smirking slightly as he was growing eager to hear her complain about how she couldn't sleep up against him with her belly stopping her after a few months, the image of her carrying his child consuming him with immense pride. "You'll be shocked to hear this, but I'm scared, too."

"Really?"

He nodded, his cheek pressed against her forehead.

"Never thought I'd hear you say that you're scared," She sighed. "Why? I mean, you can do what some men do: they leave because they don't want to deal with."

"That's where you have me confused, love. Those aren't men. Can't even face something they willingly caused and leave the other to deal with their problems. Leaving isn't in my vocabulary, priority is. Maybe when I was younger, I would've reacted differently, but not now."

"You... You're not mad?"

"Why would I be?" He scoffed. "Scared, yeah, but you're not going through this alone. I don't know why you think you are. I'm not going anywhere unless you want me to."

"I don't know. I just... expected you to-"

"-to react like what you've probably experienced before. You've got me wrong."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. I'm not going anywhere." He whispered, assuring her by pressing a kiss to her forehead, feeling her sigh and relax her body against his - something he had been waiting for her to do.

"How am I going to tell my dad?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Don't rush yourself to babble it out like you did with me. We've got plenty of time. Just focus on keeping yourself relaxed."

"Easier said than done, Simon."

"I agree," He sighed, his gaze focusing on the ceiling above him, wondering how he was going to tell her the true reason why he was scared. It's not the right time... "I'll wake you up when we have to leave."

"I'm not falling asleep."

"Your mouth is saying that, but your body is telling me something different."

"How so?"

"You're relaxed. You never get up when you're relaxed." He breathed a chuckle, feeling her nuzzle her face into his chest grasping his shirt between her fingers as if she were begging him to not ever leave. I'm not going anywhere.

He stared up at the ceiling, focusing on the vague background noise coming from her phone, feeling her steady breaths against him while he held her, the music distracting him from his intrusive and past thoughts as he was grateful that he changed himself, knowing he wouldn't have even had a chance with Kiera if he was the way he was years ago. If you only knew...

"Hey," He whispered, nudging her gently as she was teetering on the verge of sleep, feeling her hum in response. "You know I'm not good with words."

"I know."

"Just listen." He whispered, referring to the song that was playing, the first verse immediately making himself think about his past life, the lyrics seeming to say exactly what he had been wanting to say to her.

"By your grace I have hope; You've already paid every debt I owe; Please take my chains and make me see that by your grace I've been set free..."

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loorain · 2 years ago

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Sims 4 Fontenot Legacy - Reflections and Secrets

It's the day of Sigrid and Robin's baby shower, but before Sigrid had an appointment with her ob-gyn. Her doctor said the babies look good and encouraged Sigrid to take care of herself. Sigrid's emotions about the pregnancy fluctuate (mainly due to hormones more than anything else). After returning from her appointment, she spends some time out in the garden, reflecting. She's definitely feeling more secure about becoming a mom, but she still has moments of worry.

Robin finds her outside and goes to chat. Seeing him puts an immediate smile on her face.

Robin: Hey love. We doing okay?

Sigrid: Yes, we're doing just fine. Just thinking. The appointment went well. Babies are healthy.

Robin: Great news to be able to celebrate on our baby shower day. Aunt Scarlett is busy decorating inside. She's so excited.

Sigrid: Me too. It's been a while since the family has been together. This'll be fun!

Robin simply nods and smiles contently at his fiancée. The two are locked in, understanding each other without words.

Robin's correct in that Aunt Scarlett has been hard at work making sure the space is ready for guests, and soon enough people start making their way to the house!

After a wardrobe change, Sigrid is beaming at her shower. The guests enjoy snacks made by Aunt Scarlett and chat, dance, and hang out! Important people like Robin and Sigrid's siblings are here, and extended family and friends are able to make it. Even some of Sabrina's buddies make it, much to Robin and Sigrid's surprise.

Among the surprise guests are Sabrina's pals Alton and Marquise.

Sabrina: Hey Alton! Glad you could make it!

Alton: Happy to be here! You look great too, might I add. You're glowing. Did you do something different with your hair?

Sabrina: Nah, I think you just never appreciated my beauty fully until now.

Alton: Oh-ho-ho, big talk. I always liked your confidence.

Sigrid spends time chatting with her sister Yolanda (with her brother Harley looking miserable in the background for some reason lol).

Sigrid: How are the kids? They must be getting so big now!

Yolanda: Yeah, that's for sure! Veronica left me in quite a pickle with those twins. Hard to believe she's been gone as long as she has been.

Sigrid: I know. I still think about calling her, especially during this pregnancy. She had two sets of twins, I could really use her advice.

Yolanda: Well as the carer of those kids now, I'll say that caring for multiples is a challenge for sure. But you're in a luckier position than she was, or even me. You have a soon-to-be-husband, cousin-in-law, and aunt-in-law to help immediately. You'll be okay.

Sigrid: I hope so. Sometimes I feel ready, and other times it all feels like too much.

Yolanda: You've got this. I know you do.

Sigrid: Thanks, sis.

Sigrid takes a moment to address everyone during the party.

Sigrid: Thank you all so much for your love through this! Robin and I are lucky to have such a big village of support. I'm sure we'll be leaning on you from time to time, so please give us your best advice!

Sigrid accepts gifts from different party guests happily.

In the corner, Lakshmi also gives Sabrina a gift. She tries to keep it quiet, but Scarlett takes notice.

Scarlett manages to corner Sabrina in the kitchen.

Scarlett: So, when were you going to tell us?

Sabrina is shocked at their mother's words.

Sabrina: Huh?

Scarlett: The gig's up, honey. I know.

Sabrina sighs.

Sabrina: I didn't know how to tell you guys...

*FLASHBACK*

Sabrina (narrating): I've known for a while now. It was a surprise, for sure, but I knew from the first moment I wanted this baby.

Sabrina (narrating): I had started to feel off. I thought it was just my body dysmorphia, so I started really working out again, but nothing was working. My body started feeling so foreign.

Sabrina (narrating): I told Lakshmi and Nyla first. I knew they would understand.

Sabrina (narrating): I told Marquise and Alton next. In all honesty, either of them could be the father. They weren't happy to be in this predicament, but both of them are committed to being a father if nothing else. That's why I invited them to the party.

*END OF FLASHBACK*

Sabrina: I just entered my second trimester. It's a boy.

Sabrina pulls out the ultrasound photo to show their mom.

Sabrina: Look, here's the proof. You're going to be a grandma.

Scarlett: Oh my goodness, look at the little bean! Sabrina, this is wonderful!

Sabrina: You're not mad?

Scarlett: How could I be mad when you show me this? I'm going to be a grandma... Oh, Sabrina!

Scarlett pulls Sabrina into a hug.

Scarlett: Congratulations, baby.

Sabrina: Thanks, Mom.

#ts4 simblr #ts4 #sims 4 #simblr #sims 4 fontenot legacy #sims 4 legacy #sims 4 legacy challenge #sims 4 modded

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baekuras · 3 years ago

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Getting vaccinated to be safe is OUT

Getting vaccinated for a day (and a half) off is IN

#txts #sarcasm pls get vaccinated if you can #but also #i will absolutely use this to also get some rest #this 3rd time sadly only half a day off bc of my appointment #which BTW i made way before everyone and their mother could adminster the shot thankyouverymuch #if i had known that someone 5mins away from work could do it then well #might have gone there #and actually also gotten a gyn.....i am not trying to spell that word #uterus doctor-appointment bc...i may....have been avoiding that my whole life #do judge me into actually getting to do that bc as much as i hate it #i will dunk of myself if i die of uterus related surprises #but ye i got a good boss that will let me go do this shit no proof needed #and i am a decent enough person to not just...fuck off and around #aside from the fact that i am gone for half the day bc of where my doctor is placed but hey-#covid rly messed around with shit so i couldnt move to a new one yet and i am there so rarely anyway i never bothered pre-covid times #everyone mad we have to get so many boosters and yeah fair but also #more time off thx #for me personally if you coulnt tell #this is a personal post from my personal tumblr #or main rather #whatever it is its a mess so slap all the labels on it

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merakiui · 3 years ago

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obgyn albedo ;) pop off with this my liege

your previous gynecologist retired, and with a baby on the way, a low paying job, and kaeya(your crazy ex-boyfriend), you quickly choose another clinic close to you in a hurry to make your next appointment.

your new doctor, mr. keideprinz(although he insists you call him by his first name, albedo) is warm and friendly. always ready to answer any question you might have about your pregnancy, always there with a soft smile to ask about your day.

shamefully, you'd admit that the favorite part of your appointments is when he checks your cervix, thrusting his long, lithe fingers deeply into your hole to make sure everything's fine and well. you moaned the first time he did it, and while he laughed it off, saying that it's completely normal for you to feel more sexual desires during your pregnancy, you remained mortified about it to this day.

one day, though, you talk to some of his other patients in the waiting room to gush about him, only to find that their experiences with him are much, much different than yours. apparently, he's ice cold with them, only ever speaking to them when needed, and their appointments are always rushed. it's like a total personality switch, you think.

you brush their words off, because surely albedo couldn't have favorites, right?

-🥕

I am absolutely going to pop off.

(cw: yandere, nsfw, female reader, pregnancy, implied baby-trapping and past toxic relationship with kaeya, stalking, abuse of power/trust)

You're very anxious when you meet with your new ob-gyn for the first time. Your previous doctor was female and she was always very respectful towards you. Not that this new one wouldn't be the same, of course. You’re certain he’s not as bad as your anxiety is making him out to be. It’s been rough trying to find someone you’d feel comfortable around after your previous doctor retired. But you’ve heard from a friend that he’s a great doctor—very intelligent and kind; cares about his patients’ health. He truly listens to his patients and knows just what to say and how to answer their questions. And if your friend is giving him such high praise, why wouldn’t you believe them? So you schedule to meet with him and hope for the best.

And it really is the best. He’s everything your friend said he’d be. He answers all of your questions honestly and is very upfront about everything. He even tells you that he understands your apprehension towards him, considering you may not be used to having a male ob-gyn. It’s completely okay to feel that way. If you’d prefer a female ob-gyn, he can refer you to a few wonderful ones he knows. By the end of the meeting, you’re sold. You felt very comfortable around Dr. Kreideprinz throughout the whole meeting, so you suppose it wouldn’t hurt to schedule an appointment. So you do and he tells you that he looks forward to working with you on your exciting journey.

The first appointment goes by smoothly. Albedo and you run through simple, friendly introductions before he gets right into it. You’re a little awkward at first, but it’s only because you’re not used to interacting with a male ob-gyn. He assures you that your hesitance isn’t misplaced and that this is a procedure he must do with all of his patients. You’re in good hands, so you needn’t worry. He tells you that if you feel uncomfortable at any point during the check-up, just tell him and he’ll stop so that you can take a moment to gather yourself.

He takes your weight, height, and blood pressure. Draws blood and has you do a urine test. Asks you questions related to how you’ve been feeling physically and emotionally. Any issues he should be aware of? Have you been sleeping and eating well? He’ll make sure to go over healthy diets with you so that you can eat foods that are good for both you and your baby. When it comes time for the more invasive exams, like checking your cervix and examining your breasts to make sure everything is healthy, you’re a little embarrassed. He’s so calm about the entire thing, telling you in a gentle voice to relax. Although you’re absolutely mortified when he places one hand on your abdomen and then slips two gloved fingers inside you and you let an accidental, quiet moan out.

Yet even when you apologize profusely and nearly beg him to forget about it, he tells you it’s all normal and that you have nothing to be ashamed of. This sort of thing happens. It’s not embarrassing. Still, you end up leaving his office feeling incredibly embarrassed. It isn’t until a few appointments later that you slowly find yourself getting more and more comfortable around him. You tell him everything that he needs to know and you make sure to shut your mouth when he does any physical exams to prevent yourself from making any embarrassing sounds. At some point he tells you to drop the formalities and call him by his first name. Albedo. It’s a really pretty name. You like saying it because of how easily it rolls off the tongue.

Another thing you like about Albedo, other than his name and the fact that he’s been so knowledgeable and helpful during every appointment, is that he doesn’t pry into your personal life. He only needs to know things related to your health and pregnancy, so you’re relieved when he doesn’t ask about things like work or your ex-boyfriend. Then again, why would he? He has no reason to ask about any of that. Although those are things you’d rather not think about, and you’re certain he’s figured out (or has at least suspected) that something’s amiss in your relationship when you refuse to mention the father. But he never asks you to elaborate; he simply nods and types up another note in his laptop. He does tell you, however, that if there are any problems at home—

And you’ll stop him before he can say it. You don’t want to hear it. It brings back horrible, vivid memories. You simply force a smile and tell him that you’re living alone. There aren’t any problems. Even though you’ve managed to escape the one who created such problems, you’re left with the permanent reminder of what he did. You’re not keeping the baby for his sake. You’re keeping it because you don’t want to feel like a cruel monster, as Kaeya has often told you in the days leading up to your escape when you even implied getting an abortion. You want to prove him wrong. You want to prove that you’re not who he says you are. And it’s because part of you is too soft and has yearned for a moment where you can hold your baby’s tiny hand and look upon their sleeping face with fondness. You could have waited a little longer before getting pregnant, but you didn’t have a choice.

And it really hurts.

Albedo always notices the shift in your behavior when you recall unpleasant memories. He’s always been perceptive. He’ll ask if you’re okay and you’ll always nod in reply. He never presses for anymore confirmation after that. Though maybe he should. He’s curious about what goes on in your head.

- - -

You’re not used to seeing Albedo outside of the doctor’s office. He looks good in casual wear. Then again, he looks good in anything. Even his work clothes are an attractive fit on him. You’re not afraid to admit that he’s good-looking or that he has a way with words that would leave anyone charmed. You only see him as your ob-gyn and therefore have no romantic interest in him. The last thing you want to do is put yourself back out there after all that happened with Kaeya.

It’s a coincidence you and Albedo shop at the same supermarket. You almost don’t recognize him at first because he’s wearing his glasses and only ever has his contacts in when you see him for appointments. He greets you with a small smile and it’s amazing how easily you fall into conversation with him. Granted, it’s mainly you doing most of the talking. But he still listens to everything you say. He’s glad that you seem to be doing well. He asks what you plan on making with the foods in your cart and you tell him all about this new healthy recipe you found. Oh, you’re just too precious. The way your face lights up when you talk about the things you find interesting or the way you smile so brightly at him. He can’t help but wonder if you show other people this same smile…

It’s a brief interaction, but many more are to come. He runs into you a lot. It seems like the both of you are always picking the same days and times to shop, as you’re practically destined to see each other. And each time he engages in friendly conversation with you and you chat about various things. At first it was just useless filler—stuff about the weather or your pregnancy—but now you talk about what you did the other day for fun or how you want to buy a houseplant to brighten up your room. Albedo learns bits and pieces about you through these short exchanges and he files them away for later reference. You probably forgot about that seemingly insignificant detail you mentioned, but he sure hasn’t. And he’ll make good note of it. Always.

After all, he needs to know every little thing about you. Not just as your doctor, but as someone special. Surely you like him. Most of the people he meets are quick to like and enjoy his company. You are no different; he’s sure of that.

- - -

Your appointments usually run later than expected because he’s so thorough with the process. You never notice that he seems to linger on your soft, pudgy breasts or that his fingers sometimes curl experimentally inside you, causing you to grab at anything in your reach—usually his arm—to ground yourself. It’s not your fault that your pregnancy has caused you to feel all sorts of new lustful feelings, which Albedo often tells you are completely normal and healthy. He even brings up the fact that many women often have some of the best sex of their lives when they’re pregnant. He says it with such a straight face that it flusters you a little. You’re perfectly fine on your own; you don’t need anyone to fulfill those types of desires. And when he says something like that with his fingers buried so deeply inside of you… It gives you way too many mental images that you forcibly chase away.

You really haven’t had a bad experience with Albedo. It’s definitely strange when the other patients in the waiting room tell you of their experiences with him after you happily go on and on about how he’s just so caring and informative with the check-up; how he spends time going through certain things with you and how he’ll make sure you’re being healthy. The stares you get from the other patients are truly shocking. You learn that he’s not that thorough with them and that he’s actually quite quick with everything. It’s really just business with him, as he’s always so indifferent and cold. Just a doctor doing his job—that’s all he is.

But that’s not right. He’s not like that with you. You have a hard time believing them because that just doesn’t sound like Albedo. They give you more weird looks. Apparently none of them ever call him by his first name because they either never knew it or he never told them to call him by it… One of the patients jokingly asks if you’re actually his secret lover, to which you can only scoff and say, “It’s not like that at all.”

After that, you start to pay more attention to the things he does during your appointments. You considered asking him to confirm whether or not the words from the patients were true, but you decide not to in the end. The moment never presents itself, so you’re never able to ask.

It’s one particular appointment when he notes that you’ve seemed tense lately. And with such an observation come the questions. Are you all right? Has something been bothering you? Are you still eating and sleeping enough? Have you had any problems eating and sleeping? The whole spiel. You tell him you’ve probably been overthinking some things and that has led to the stress. But it’s nothing too concerning, so he doesn’t need to worry.

Albedo insists. He says that too much stress isn’t good for you while you’re pregnant. He tells you that alleviating the tension and stress will do you a world of good. Not only will you sleep better, you’ll also be able to relax. He’s in the process of examining your breasts after you complained about a sudden soreness, massaging them softly and rubbing slow, gentle circles against your nipples, when a sudden question occurs to you.

Has his touch always been this sensual?

Has it? You really couldn’t tell, but lately it feels like he pays special attention to the areas on your body that are most sensitive to touch. And when he touches you in such a way, you can’t help but recall what he said—something about how sex during pregnancy is some of the best sex a woman can have. It’s embarrassing that you’re thinking of this when he’s only doing his job, and you know that neither of you see each other in that way, but you can’t help it. He’s so close to you and you can see the focused look in his eyes as he stares at your breasts and runs his fingers over your perky nipples.

You can’t take the intensity in his gaze or the vivid fantasies that play out in your mind, so you grab his hand and tell him that everything’s okay. Your breasts don’t feel sore anymore, so he can stop. Albedo blinks at you, seemingly caught off guard, but he retracts his hands and nods.

It’s such a shame he’s only able to touch you like this during appointments. If only you knew of the effect you have on him. You’re truly the most addictive person he’s ever met and he’s found himself ensnared in an overwhelmingly powerful infatuation.

He’s a patient man; however, so he can wait for you to fall for him and his soft touches. And if you don’t? That’s all right. He has so many months to make it happen. And it appears your precious baby is in need of a father. Well, he’ll just have to fill that role himself, won’t he?

#meraki thirsts #🥕 anon #yandere #yandere albedo #tw: pregnancy #thank you for entertaining my thoughts hehe #next thing you know i'll be rambling to you about sleep paralysis demon scaramouche #or narwhal hybrid childe #or changeling venti #the ideas are endless orz #obgyn albedo

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babyboy-cody · 3 years ago

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ch. 01 | finding out

summary: after feeling so different for the past week, you decided to go to the doctor in order to find out what was actually wrong with you. the cause of you feeling this way was something you weren’t expecting.

warnings: depictions of early signs of pregnancy, clueless grayson, mentions of sean, implications of smut, mentions of abortion

quick note: okay so this is my first ever grayson series, so hopefully i make you guys proud. some of the pregnancy signs are things that some people don’t go through, so i wanted to make it as realistic as possible. any feedback would be great! <3

word count: 2.6k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Waking up early in the morning, you never expected to feel like shit. From the position you were laying in, your tender breasts were pressed into the bed, causing you the slightest pain. You groaned and winced as you went to turn. Just from moving, you felt nauseous and dizzy, the blinding light from the sun pouring into the room caused you to squint. Grayson wasn’t in bed beside you as usual. He always woke up at the ass crack of dawn to start his morning routines of breakfast, exercising for two hours, and shower. The rest of his day is spent doing activities, such as woodworking/building, spending time with you, long-boarding, or exercising some more.

A wave of cramps suddenly hit you, causing you to muffle your long moan into your pillow. You tucked your body into the fetal position, tucking your hand under your sweatpants to press down on your lower stomach, hoping that the pressure would ease the aggravating pain. For the past week, you’ve been constantly getting cramps. The breast tenderness happened only a day later. Premature cramps are the usual sign of starting your period. What confuses you is why you woke up with no blood staining your underwear or pants.

Sluggishly grabbing your phone from under your pillow, you opened up your usual period app. The last time you had gotten your period was exactly the same day as last month. Your eyebrows furrow when you see that you should’ve started your period exactly two weeks ago. You hastily sit up, immediately shutting your eyes as a wave of nausea hit you like a tsunami. There was brief commotion coming from the kitchen, followed by Grayson yelling, “Ethaaannn!” You faintly heard Ethan’s boisterous laugh, which only amped up his younger brother’s annoyance.

You swallowed the forming saliva at the back of your mouth. You suddenly felt so exhausted, even though you had a whole ten hour rests with no interruptions or disruptions. Swinging your legs to the side of the bed, you slowly got up, shutting your eyes to avoid feeling dizzy so fast. You desperately craved Grayson’s warm skin against yours in order to make you feel better, especially when his strong arms were wrapped around you, holding you nice and tight against him. As though the universe heard your thoughts, Grayson enters the bedroom, a comfy hoodie adorning his upper body as gray sweats adorn his lower half. He looks so comfy and warm and soft with his messy hair and growing bed and bright smile.

“Look who’s finally awake!” He announced and spread his arms wide, running over to playfully (and gently) tackle you into the bed.

“Gray, Gray, baby, be gentle,” you quickly told him, hands grabbing onto his arm as the room suddenly spun. “I’m not feeling too good today.”

He immediately sat up, using one hand to push his long hair from his face as the other slowly sits you up. His eyes were full of worry as they scan you up and down. You smiled tiredly and gently stroked his jaw, loving the feeling of his scruff on your palm.

“What’ve you been feeling?” He was quick to ask you, desperately wanting to know why you’ve been feeling sick and what could’ve caused it. “Do you think it’s cause E was sick last week?”

“I mean, maybe,” you shrugged. “I’ve been getting cramps and my boobs have been hurting as usual before I get my period.”

“So you’re starting you’re period?” He questioned, thinking that could be the reason.

“I don’t think so, babe. I’m getting symptoms I’ve never gotten before and it’s worrying me,” you quietly told him, your voice holding such worry that he’s never heard before. “I’m so exhausted and dizzy and I can’t even stand without feeling like I’m gonna pass out.” You rubbed your hands over your face, groaning at the uncomfortable churning in your stomach as you suddenly thought about eating. “I can’t even think about food without feeling like I’m gonna throw up everywhere.”

“Baby, you need to make an appointment for the doctor or the GYN to see what’s going on. You don’t know if this could be something serious,” Grayson anxiously tells you, his large hands cupping your cheeks to make eye contact with you, his thumbs lightly stroking your warm skin back and forth.

“I will,” you held onto his wrists. “I promise.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

After your serious talk with Grayson yesterday, you made an appointment to go to the gynecologist the very next day. Nerves were bubbling in the pit of your stomach, causing you to use the bathroom four times in the past hour. Ethan and Kristina were worried as well, unsure of what to do or say to make you feel at ease and less anxious. If what’s causing your sickness something terminal, they knew that Grayson would quite literally go insane. You were his person. Grayson was a believer of soulmates, and he knew deep in his heart and soul that you were his.

This morning, it was eerily quite. The air was awkward and tense with no one knowing how to break the ice. Grayson’s jaw was clenched and he watched your every move carefully. You were feeling a little better, only eating in small quantities and being forced to drink lots of water (by Grayson). Your appointment wasn’t until 2 in the afternoon, so you had plenty of time to do your morning routine and talk to Grayson. He insisted on staying in the bathroom when you shower and do your skin care.

“Gray, I’m not dying,” you joked lightly.

“Don’t fucking joke like that!” He raised his voice, glaring up at you as he sat on the edge of the top, elbows on his knees with his fingers interlocked. “That’s not fucking funny.” There was anger in his tone, and you realized how insensitive it was of you.

You knelt down in front of him, unlocked his hands and slithering more between his spread knees. He doesn’t look at you as he looks down at the ground between your own knees. “Hey,” you whisper, hands on his broad shoulders, lightly shaking them. “Look at me, please.” When he does, you see the slightest of tears along his waterline. Your heart breaks when his face scrunches up in agony and his eyes shut, his hands immediately covering his face to press the heels of his palms into his eyes. “Grayson…”

He sniffles into his hands, shaking his head frantically. “I can’t lose you,” he weeped so softly, his voice muffled behind the barrier of his hands. “I can’t fuckin’ lose you the same way I lost my dad. I-I just can’t.” You let him pour out his emotions, all the while holding onto his shoulders and gently pushing his hands away from his face to wipe away his warm tears. The area around his eyes and cheeks were tinged red, his beautiful eyes now turning puffy. “You don’t understand h-how broken I’d be without you, Y/N. It’s like… a piece of me might die.”

“Baby,” you whispered brokenly, shaking your head as you hurriedly pull him into your chest. His head buries itself in the crook of your neck. “I am so so sorry for making that joke, alright? Hey, look at me.” You lift his head up, wiping more of his tears with your thumbs. “I promise you, from the bottom of my heart, that everything is okay.” At the sound of your soft whisper, he lets out a quiet and shaky sigh. The thought of now hearing your voice anymore physically hurts his heart. He hesitatingly nods, desperately wanting to believe your words. But looking into your eyes this very moment, seeing the determination and confidence in your face, he has no other choice but to believe you.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Sitting on the exam table in the cold room that slightly smells of hand sanitizer and wood, you didn’t know what else to think. Your thoughts were a jumbled mess as they tried to unravel itself to form a coherent sentence in your head. Grayson wanted to come in with you, but you had told him to stay in the car, out of fear of him hearing dreadful news. You closed your eyes and breathed in and out deeply, trying to calm the storm that’s beginning to make itself known. What you didn’t hearing was the door opening and the OB-GYN, Dr. Khaleesi, stepping in. She was a lovely Indian woman who was older than you by 20 years. You’ve been coming to her for a year and a half now for your usual STD checkups or any worries you had with your uterus. She was the sweetest woman you’ve come to known and you never felt judged by her.

“Everything alright, Y/N?” She asks as she shuts the door, leaving you both in privacy. She holds the clipboard to her side and sits onto the rolling stool to slide herself closer to you.

“Just nervous,” you laughed awkwardly.

“Well, it’s just me,” she tells you softly, her accent sounding so elegant as she gently pats your knee. “Now, it says on the appointment form that you’re hear for a checkup regarding your period.”

“Yes, um, I’m late on my period - about two weeks now. But I’ve been feeling a lot of cramps and breast tenderness and all the symptoms of starting my period. And I don’t know why,” you sighed and picked at your nails, not sure how to keep still.

“Alright, well, I’m going to be asking you a few simple questions and I want you to answer as honestly as possible,” Dr. Khaleesi tells you. “What day was your last period?”

“The 6th of May.”

“How long does menstrual cycle typically last?”

“Six to seven days, give or take.”

“And are you sexually active?”

You blushed as you thought about Grayson. You hadn’t forgotten the romantic picnic dinner he had set up in the backyard with a large projector hung up. Sitting there under the stars with him, being in such a close proximity to that man always made you feel so nervous. But having his hands on you, his lips on yours, his large and muscular body between your thighs, it made it all worth it. You most certainly didn’t forget how many times he made you orgasm in under an hour. You were thankful that Ethan and Kristina had gone to their own date night for a few hours.

“Y/N?” Dr. Khaleesi’s voice broke you free from your thoughts, causing you to clear your throat out of embarrassment.

“Y-Yes, I’m sexually active,” you softly responded.

Dr. Khaleesi nods and checks off the small YES box beside the question. “And how often do you engage in sexual intercourse?”

“Um, about three to four times a week.” You suddenly burst out into laughter at the surprised look on her face. “Sorry.”

“Don’t be,” she laughs as well. “At least one of us is getting some action, huh?” She laughs again when you cover your face, muffling your small groan. “Back to the questions. When was the last time you were sexually active?”

“I’d say last week, but I’ve been feeling these symptoms for the past two weeks now,” you hesitatingly told her, secretly not wanting to know the cause in order to avoid the dread and heartbreak if something was terminal.

“And what symptoms have you been having?” She asked you, now looking at your expression rather than the clipboard in her hands.

“Um,” you looked up in thought, “Nausea, cramps, breast tenderness, sudden feeling of exhaustion, loss of appetite, and I’ve been peeing a lot more.”

Dr. Khaleesi nods silently, her sudden silence makes you feel incredibly uneasy. You swallow down and exhale a shaky and audible sigh. She gives you a reassuring smile. “Do you mind if I exam your stomach?”

“N-No,” you quietly said and laid back on the cushioned exam table. “Go ahead, please.”

And after hearing your consent, Dr. Khaleesi pulled on some blue latex gloves and hovers her hands over your stomach. You pull up your shirt and pull the cracked skin of your bottom lip with your teeth. She gently presses down in different areas of your stomach, periodically asking, “Does this cause any pain? Discomfort?” And each time, you shook your head. As she was getting to the end of the exam, you went over every single possibility. What if it’s a tumor? What if you’re pregnant? Could it be cancer? Is it internal bleeding? Somehow, you couldn’t find a reason for each possibility to happen. You had no family members with a history of chronic illnesses. And you and Grayson always used protection, never birth control because of the harmful effects to your body. When Dr. Khaleesi was finished with the brief exam, she sighs softly and lays a hand on your shoulder.

“I know why you’re feeling like this, Y/N. And before I tell you, I want you to know that I am here if you ever need advice on how to do this, okay?” She tells you in a reassuring and motherly tone.

“Just tell me,” you whispered, voice cracking as you strong to keep a strong front. But with every second, it slowly disappeared, revealing a vulnerable and terrified woman in front of the doctor. “Please…”

Dr. Khaleesi sighed quietly and licked her red lipstick stained lips. “You’re… pregnant. Presumably one month pregnant.”

If you were standing, you were sure you would’ve dropped to your knees. Your mouth dropped open, trying desperately to form words, but all that came out was a weak squeak. Tears lined your waterline as you shook your head in disbelief.

“N-No, that’s… that’s fucking impossible,” you frantically said, shaking your head even more as you hastily stood up and walked over to the other side of the room. Your hands went to your hair as you paced back and forth. “Oh my God, oh my God, oh my, God,” you whispered to yourself, muffling a sob with the back of your hand. “I.. he’s been talking ab-about having kids for-for so long and…” your voice shook between every word. “We’re both so young!”

“We have options, Y/N,” Dr. Khaleesi gently told you as to not scare you if she rose her voice to speak over yours. “There’s abortion-”

“No!” You shouted. “That… That is out of the question. I-I need to talk to him. I need to see where his head is at first, and-and then I can talk to you about… options,” you whispered the last word. You are pro-choice, but you know deep in your heart that you couldn’t terminate this pregnancy. If Grayson thought the opposite, you’re not sure what would happen next.

“Would you like me to schedule your next appointment in one week?” Dr. Khaleesi quietly asks you as she notices the mental battle you’re currently having. “That way you have plenty of time to discuss what you both think, okay?”

You hesitatingly nod and look over at her with an expression that nearly broke her gentle heart. “I-I’m scared, Daksha.”

At the sound of her name exiting your lips, she immediately crosses over and pulls you into a hug. She understands that this may be unprofessional to her bosses and what other patients may see as inappropriate, but she would never let a terrified woman feel alone.

“You are going to be okay, child,” she tells you quietly, one hand wrapped around your shoulders as the other lightly pats the back of your head. “Whatever you decide, I will help you along the way, okay? Do not forget that.”

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

CURRENT TAGLIST

@etherealdols @certainaesthetic

#grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan

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somethinginthewayiam · 4 years ago

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Rushing off set

Pairing: Henry x reader

Warnings: language, a lot of fluff

Words: 1783

Summary: Henry is in the middle of filming the Witcher when he gets the call that his girlfriend is in labor. He rushes off set, completely forgetting that he is in full Geralt wig and costume...

Marcie, Henry‘s PA on the set of The Witcher, was watching the dialogue scene around the camp fire behind camera, holding his coat for when the director yelled cut. They were shooting outside in the nearby forest. It was dark and cold, not unusual for fall in England.

When Marcie shifted her weight from one leg to the other, she also transferred the coat from one arm to the other and that’s when she felt the vibration at her leg. It must be Henry’s phone. She opened the zipper and pulled out the actor’s phone. Normally, she wouldn’t do this but Henry gave her the permission as his little girl was due any minute now.

When Marcie activated the front screen, the phone almost fell out of her hands. 21 missed calls, 15 messages. And that minute seemed to be right now. A new message just popped up on the screen.

WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?!?! MY WATER BROKE. ON MY WAY TO THE HOSPITAL!!!

“Oh fuck”, she mumbled to herself. Marcie took a step forward, but then stopped herself. She knew she should tell him right away, but she was also so new to set that she didn’t dare to interrupt a scene. With restless feet, Marcie waited in her spot for the director to finally yell cut. It was probably just 5 minutes, but it felt like 5 hours to her.

“CUT! Thank you”, the director finally called out and Marcie rushed over to Henry, who was sitting on a log at the camp fire. She basically threw his phone at him and held the coat up for him to get in. “Y/N’s water broke. She’s on the way to the hospital”, she immediately said. It took Henry a second to understand what his PA just told him. “Shit, fuck, okay”, he said as he jumped to his feet, but then didn’t move an inch. “GO!”, Marcie yelled at him.

Henry finally rushed off set, people turning their heads as they watched him leave. Marcie ran after him. “The baby’s coming. The baby’s coming”, she told everyone she passed to explain Henry’s sudden exit. Amid the applause of the people crowding the set, Henry headed towards his car. Only on the far edge of his conscience, he noticed people congratulating him and patting his back.

Marcie had trouble keeping up with him. She only arrived at his car when he closed the door behind him and started the engine. “Good luck, Henry. Congrats!”, she shouted at the car driving off the parking lot.

When she turned around to walk back to set, she suddenly stopped and her eyes went big. Henry was still in his full Geralt get-up. Leather armor, wig and everything. “That’s gonna be interesting”, she mumbled to herself when she continued walking.

“Hello, I’m looking for my girlfriend. She’s having our baby, probably right now”, Henry said to the nurse at the receptionist’s desk. She only looked at him with big eyes, her mouth falling open but not a word coming out.

“Henry!”, he heard the voice of his brother Nick. He was coming at him with fast steps. “Vicki and I brought her in…hahahaha”, Nick started laughing. Henry didn’t think there was anything funny about his girlfriend giving birth and he might be missing it because his brother rather laughed in the middle of a hospital than showing him the way to Y/N’s room.

“Oh, she’s gonna love that”, Nick said and with that led the way to your room. Henry could hear you before he could see you.

“You’re doing so good, Y/N, keep breathing. Deep breaths”, Vicki coached you through another contraction. They were coming every minute now and getting heavier by the second.

“He’s here! I found him down in the lobby”, Nick exclaimed as he entered the room, Henry right at his heels. Vicki turned around and suppressed a laugh as she spotted Henry in his Geralt wig and outfit. She let go of your hand and made way for the daddy-to-be.

“I’m here, baby. I’m here”, Henry said and rushed to your side, grabbing your now empty hand. Just as the contraction washed away, already bracing yourself for the next one, you finally looked over at your boyfriend. “Oh, you gotta be kidding me!”, you breathed out. Your forehead was sweaty, little strands of your hair sticking to your skin.

“I rushed right off set when I got the news. I’m sorry I wasn’t here earlier”, Henry explained and kissed the back of your hand apologizingly.

“Please tell me you have your other clothes in the car?”, Nick asked his little brother before you were able to. “No, I forgot it in my trailer”, Henry said after recollecting his memory. “My bag”, you just nodded as you felt another contraction coming. You packed a pair of sweatpants and a shirt for Henry as you feared this might happen. Vicki got your bag out of the little closet and pulled out said clothes shortly after.

The CTG started beeping a little hectically as the next contraction started. You squeezed Henry’s hand hard to relief some of the pain. You were taking deep breaths and releasing it in short, quick breaths just like you had learned in your classes. Henry was doing it with you, but besides that there wasn’t anything he could do. He never felt more useless.

“Ah, the White Wolf has joined us. Finally”, your doctor said as she came through the door. In previous appointments, you have established that your OB/GYN was a fan of the show, but, thank god, was not fangirling over Henry.

“Y/N, I’m going to check on your dilation real quick. The rest of you have to leave for a minute, okay?”, she told everybody. Henry went into the little bathroom adjoined to your hospital room to change his clothes and Nick accompanied him to help him out of his costume. Vicki stayed with you to hold your hand.

When Henry and Nick came back out, the doctor was gone. “She said, Y/N’s at 9 centimeters so it’s gonna be any minute now”, Vicki updated the men and Henry took his place by your side again.

Just then, a bunch of nurses and your doctor came back in and it started getting hectic. Vicki and Nick left the room, but told you they would wait outside.

Henry was now dressed in his sweatpants and shirt, but still had the wig on. Out of the corner of your eyes, you noticed a fake scar on his arm. But you had other things to worry about.

The doctor sat down on a little chair right in front of the bed and had you scooting down a bit. “Alright, with the next contraction, I need you to push with everything you’ve got, Y/N”, your doctor told you. A nurse lifted and bent your legs, showing Henry how to hold it to help you as best as he could. Then she walked around the bed to the other side and held your other leg.

You gripped the handle bars of the bed and braced yourself. The CTG in the corner started beeping hectically, but you didn’t need that reminder. “Now. Push, Y/N, push”, the doctor said. You bent forward, putting your chin on your chest and pushed with everything you got. Henry put his hand on your upper back, helping you to push forward while his other hand still held your leg.

It took a few good pushes before your little girl was finally out. The doctor put her on your chest while a nurse cleaned her face. She was crying at the top of her lunges and it was the best sound you had ever heard. You cried out of relief, looking down at the little baby on your chest.

Henry kissed you and you found him crying as well. All you two had ever wanted in life had just come true.

“Would daddy do us the honors?”, the doctor asked and held up a pair of medical scissors for Henry to cut the umbilical cord. With shaking hands, Henry made the cut and quickly handed off the pair of scissors, already fearing he could hurt his baby girl in any way.

“What will the little girl’s name be?”, the nurse asked as she was filling out the birth certificate. “Amanda”, Henry said for you as you were still busy crying.

“Alright, Helen will take Amanda to her first check-up”, the doctor explained as a nurse came over, wrapped a blanket around your baby and took her off your chest. “Daddy, you can go with your little lady. Mama and I still have a few things to do here”, the doctor continued. You already missed your daughter but you knew she was in good hands.

After the check-up, nurse Helen led Henry back into your room. There was nothing left from the little chaos that had just happened a few minutes before. You were resting in your bed, barely able to keep your eyes open, even though you felt like you could finally beat Henry at arm wrestling.

Helen sat Henry down in a chair next to your bed, asking him to take his shirt off. He would now have his first skin-to-skin with his baby girl. With quick and trained fingers, the nurse gently wrapped your baby out of the blanket and put her on Henry’s chest, showing him how to hold her best. Then, she wrapped the blanket back around the two of them.

And then the three of you were alone for the first time. You looked over at your boyfriend holding your daughter at his chest. You felt your eyes tearing up. You had never seen something more beautiful. Even thought he was wearing the Geralt wig and the fake scars.

“We did it, baby”, you mumbled with a big smile. Henry looked up at you, tears in the corners of his eyes. “You did it. You were amazing, baby”, he said and looked down at the sleeping girl in his arms. He didn’t dare to move an inch ever again.

Only a little while later, Nick and Vicki came into the room, congratulating you on becoming parents and meeting their new niece. Nick took a picture of Henry with his little girl which Henry later posted on his Instagram with the caption, “Geralt met our little girl before me. The past hours where the most life-changing I had ever experienced. As you can see, I rushed off set to not miss the birth of our little girl. Mother and child are healthy and absolutely perfect. Let the new chapter of our lives begin, @Y/I/N”

#henry cavill #rushing off set #henry cavill imagine #henry cavill fluff #henry cavill fanfiction #imagine #fluff #fanfiction #henry cavill x reader #the witcher #geralt of rivia

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actuallyjomd · 3 years ago

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How I survived Intern Year in a Pandemic (and sometimes didn't)

Intern year is ending??? ... everyone was right when they said:

"The days are long and the year is short."

I still feel like it's March 2021, or maybe 2020??

All this to say, just a couple of things I hoped to reflect on. Maybe share and be helpful to others despite the fugue I'm in. Full caveat, I'm a pediatrics resident, but have some good friends in Anesthesia, Med-Peds, Emergency Medicine and will hope that this brain dump is helpful regardless of specialty.

Be an intern: When I started, I was constantly worried about the milestones I was supposed to meet, deadlines I might be forgetting, people's expectations for projects and research. DON'T DO THIS. It's time wasted. Just be an intern. Learn how to do intern things - logistics of placing orders, calling consults, writing efficient notes, being a good team member. All the other things can wait, for 6 months at least.

If you love something, pursue it: For those who have vested interests in advocacy, subspecialty, research, feel free to run hard after those things. I think the general rule for residents is you're adults now and you should be a self-starter and initiate unless you're in a dedicated program or track. And don't let anyone make you feel bad about your passion. Love NICU? Go for it! Intubate, place lines! Love Nephrology? Go for it! Spin the urine, ultrasound those kidneys! Surround yourself with the things you care about

Take care of your body: I opted for the high-deductible insurance through my residency program... mistake. I went to the doctor far more than I expected simply because I was prone to dehydration, sleep-deprivation, and therefore more little mishaps. Got my first cavity. Got super ill and started having hives. Got norovirus. Because of this I cannot stress enough, get a good health insurance package and make appointments for your doctor, your Ob/Gyn, your dentist, your ophthalmologist, your psychologist. Your health in all respects will carry you through.

Be intentional with friendships: Your schedule is not normal. Normal is working weekdays with some overtime and having weekends and government holidays off. I worked every holiday except New Years Day. To form strong friendships in a new place, don't be afraid to reach out. I was surprised by the number of friend crushes I had reciprocated in my own residency program. And the friends I have outside of residency, I have done my best to plan ahead because I want to see them. Even on nights, on the long 13 day stretches of call. These relationships create a net, a cushion, a haven so you have a community to support you

Cry when you need to: Starting residency in a pandemic in a long-distance relationship was hard. There is grief in more ways than one - plus the emotional burden of personal struggles and the hard situations we encounter in our workplace. Feelings of inadequacy, exhaustion, loneliness, they can be really overwhelming. Don't ignore how you're feeling. Find a place to process, whether its journaling, taking a mental health day if/when you can, or call someone who loves you. On the regular.

Learn from your mistakes: They come in all flavors and it's hard not to think everything is ruined. I told the wrong family one time that their child had MIS-C and even gave him IVIG before my mistake was realized. His condition actually got better, but I still remember how intensely upset I was, that it was me who caused this father to sob, that I could have caused unintended side effects. I felt awful and sometimes I still do. It's not failure though. It's a healthcare system that cannot work 100% of the time and we are growing and figuring things out within it. The best we can do is to recognize that we must stay vigilant for our patients and rely on our team to keep us accountable to growing in that direction. I appreciated my seniors and mentors who helped me grow in weeks after that.

You are more capable than you think: I was asked to do things I hadn't done in a year (or ever) with little to no supervision. People would document "MD examined" and it was me who came to do the assessment. I would take sign out from transferring EMTs, answer phone calls from outside hospital attendings about transferring patients, called to Code Blues, Rapid Responses, pronouncing the time of death and people let me call the shots. We are backed up by our amazing colleagues and seniors to become confident even when imposter syndrome is raging through our veins and we're scared out of our minds. We aren't ever going to be completely ready but we stand on the shoulders of our mentors.

This is the moment you trained for. You're going to be great.

Message me anytime and would love to have more reblogs to add to this list from my fellow now PGY-2s.

#pgy1 #pgy2 #intern year #internship #first year resident #new residents #medicine #medical training #how I survived #residency #pediatrics #advice post #starting fresh #encouragement #advice #doctors #medblr #studyblr #medical students

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blackenedwhite97 · 4 years ago

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Pregnant Panic- Poly! Erasermic x Reader

Hello! this was a requested fic from quite some time ago. I'll be catching up at some point, i'm in my final year of university so update will be more spaced out for the next few months.

Content Warning: Discussions of paternity, some medically accurate potentially a little gross conversations and mentions and depictions of anxiety and panic.

This story includes and Polyamorous relationship

Polyamory: the practice of engaging in multiple sexual relationships with the consent of all the people involved.

It was killing them. You’d think with how tired and unwell Shouta looked and how uncomfortable Hizashi seemed that they were the pregnant ones. Shouta was the most stressed you’d ever seen him, not because he didn’t want a child but because he was scared he’d be a bad father. You’d stayed up many late nights with him, looking out at the dark city skyline through the living room window, him drumming up ways he’d fail as a father and you countering them with rationale and reassurance. He wanted to be there, he wanted to be present. You all knew he was around the least; he was a teacher during the day and a full-time hero at night. Hizashi was usually home at night, at least.

Hizashi wanted two things. The first, to be as good of a dad as he knew Shouta was going to be. The second, to know which one of them had knocked you up. Hizashi, unlike Shouta had full confidence in Shouta’s ability as a father. Hizashi also had confidence in his own ability to be a father. Yet, and you assumed it was natural, the two of them compared themselves to each other constantly. They both felt like they had to fill a role that was usually filled by only one parent, a father. In regard to his second wish: It was driving him insane. Hizashi didn’t want to know for the reason of ascertaining who the “real” dad was, it was more of a who’s quirk we might have to deal with.

While it’s not a given that a child’s quirk is going to be the same as your parents, it’s still a possibility. A possibility some families count on so greatly that they arrange marriages based on quirk compatibility to keep their bloodline strong and on the top tiers of society. Your little mismatched family never worried about that sort of thing, whether this child was a telekinetic like you, made your ears bleed when they threw a tantrum like Hizashi or could shut his dad up like Shouta, or even if they were quirkless you’d all love them with every fiber of your beings.

This was going to be one lucky kid.

Hizashi was squirming around in his chair, his legs going from being slung over the arm rest to being tucked underneath him. Shouta was as still as a statue save the tip of his boot where his toes were wiggling with nervous energy. Hizashi shifted his position for the umpteenth time, his legs swinging around towards Shouta, their knees bumping. Shouta shot out his hand and gripped Hizashi’s knee, holding him in place.

“Stop squirming.” He grumbled.

Hizashi stilled and slumped back, splaying his limbs out dramatically. “Babe, come here.”

Hizashi looked slide long at you through his lashes and a grinned, waving you over.

“Sure, yeah. Hold on, lemme just-” you placed a hand under your swollen stomach as if that would help carry any of the weight and hopped off the examination table. You landed in a wide stance, almost losing your balance from the nearly one-foot drop. It was pitiful, since you’d started to really show it was almost like all of your hero training went straight out the door. Mind you, your hips were wider than they’d ever been, and you were twenty-seven pounds heavier than you’d ever been. You also constantly had a little critter kicking you in your bladder, which was very new.

You waddled towards Hizashi, the smallest of grins pulling at Shouta’s mouth as he watched you. He found your knew range of mobility highly entertaining. You stopped just short of Hizashi’s wildly splayed out feet, nudging one with the toe of your shoe.

“Can you stand behind me for a sec?’ Hizashi sat up straight. “I wanna try something.”

“Okay?” you raised an eyebrow but waddled around him anyways.

As soon as you were behind him he leaned back in his chair and propped his head back on your belly. He closed his eyes and sighed in contentment. “Now, I’m comfy.”

You stared down at him as he fought a stupid grin, trying to keep his face serene. Goof. “I’m glad our kid is already good for something.” You sighed, stroking the top if Hizashi’s head and smoothing his hair back.

Shouta blinked, his brows knitting together. “You are such a dad already.”

“Been practicing!” Hizashi quipped, shooting up and snapping one of his fingers into a gun.

Shouta rolled his eyes but couldn’t help himself and chuckled.

The door to the examination room opened and in walked a kind looking older woman with deep smile lines and dark shining eyes. She looked like she worked with babies for a living, there was a pure unadulterated kindness about her. “Mrs. Y/L/N?”

“Hi, yeah that’s me.” You turned towards her and stretched out a hand.

She took it with a smile and eyed the two men in the chairs. “Which one of you is the father?”

The three of you had agreed when this all started happening for the sake of appointments that weren’t with doctors you’d be seeing regularly Shouta was going to be the father. It was hard enough explaining that the three of you were together romantically anyways, add a baby in and the fact that you don’t know which one of them was the biological father and you have a proper scandal. Out of the three of you Hizashi was the most recognizable and had the closest thing you could equivalate to a fan base so Shouta felt that in order to keep a sense of privacy around all of this he’d be the place holder father. You’re doctor and OB GYN both understood the whole situation, of course they needed to. Both had been in favor of a paternity during the pregnancy, which you had wanted to fore go until after the birth. At this point in the pregnancy it would have to be an invasive test and with this being your first child the three of you were so nervous you didn’t want to even consider taking that chance.

Shouta cleared his throat and stood up, reaching out for a hand shake as well. “That would be me.”

Hizashi shrunk down in his chair, he had agreed to this prearrangement, but it still stung a bit. You placed a brief set of comforting pats on his shoulder and he straightened up a bit.

“Right,” the kind eyed woman took his hand. “everything seems to be going well and on track. If you wanted to go over specific we could step into another room?”

She eyed Hizashi, and curious look about her. It was probably rare to see a friend sitting in on any sort of appointment. You shook your head and spoke up.

“Oh, he’s here to help us keep track of everything. I have total baby brain and Sho gets… overwhelmed.” You smiled at her reassuringly, trying to normalize the situation.

“O-okay.” She looked down at the clip board in her hand and skimmed the page. “The only thing I would say is out of the ordinary is that all signs are pointing to a later birth than expected. This is completely normal, of course. There are a few options if we feel as though the little one if take their sweet time a little too seriously such as inducing birth.”

You looked down at your swollen belly, your little one didn’t even stir. Why would they want to leave anyways, the little shit was swaddled in warmth and had a direct line to all the caving food you were constantly supplied with. Aside from the waddling, miniscule range of motion, tiny bladder and hip and back pain you didn’t mind being pregnant too much. The boys were totally whipped, which you tried not to take too much advantage of. But you were human and Hizashi was getting really good at baking.

“Inducing how?” Hizashi questioned from his seat.

“W-well,” she looked at you and Shouta for approval before speaking, Shouta nodded. “there are ways to induce labour through hormonal injection as well as more slightingly invasive physical ways, however it all depends on the circumstances. We prefer the less invasive ways for new parents generally speaking.”

Hizashi nodded and there was an awkward silence for a few seconds. The woman looked between the three of you then looked back down at the sheet and began tearing slips off along the perforated lines. “Here are your prescription cards, signed off by Dr. Onishi.”

“Thanks.” You took the slips from her outstretched hands and she slipped out of the room, you could have sworn her polite smile slipped from her face as she closed the door behind her. She sniffed you three out.

“Invasive?” Shouta mumbled. “How invasive?”

Hizashi shrugged as he stood up, grabbing your jacket off the end of the exam table to help you into it. You turned around and let him help you into it, even putting on a jacket was harder when you were this pregnant.

“They’ll stick a plastic hook up my vagina a pop the amniotic sack thing.” You explained, expecting full well the boy’s reactions.

Hizashi shivered violently and let go your jacket, shaking himself out like a dog trying to rid itself of water after a swim. Shouta’s nose flared and his eyes rolled to the side as he frowned.

“Is that painful?” Hizashi asked, his voice still shaky.

“No one on google really said anything about that but it’s safe to assume is they won’t talk about it, it’s not good.” You shrugged.

“Ew.” Hizashi stuck out his tongue like a kid tasting adult food for the first time.

“Yeah, can we uh, stop talking about this?” Shouta, if it had been possible, had paled out. Throughout the pregnancy Shouta had gone from the toughest out of the three of you to the one that was the most squeamish about everything. Sure, Hizashi was over dramatic and very vocal about his thoughts and feelings but he always had been. For Shouta, the idea of your body literally contorting to stabilize itself only for it all the end in hours of screaming, crying and otherworldly pain was too much. Normal injuries? Doable. Anyone could get hurt. Giving birth? That was something only you could do out of the three of you and he didn’t like that.

“Sure.” You smiled at him and he hooked his arm under yours as you all made your way out of the building to the busy street outside.

“What’s up for dinner?” Hizashi asked, pulling up his collar against the wind. The winter was blowing in and Japan was in the early stages of grey skies windows and cool winds, not yet covering in heavy snow and frozen streets.

“Um, I kinda forgot it was my night.” You muttered. If you hadn’t been the pregnant you’d have been subject to a somewhat sarcastic lecture at the hands of Hizashi, but you were practically untouchable now-a-days.

“Let’s just pick up something on the way home.” Shouta grumbled.

“I gotta fill my prescriptions, though. We can just go to the grocery store, there’s a pharmacy in the back.” You said.

“I don’t want to make you cook.” Shouta sniffed, the cold air making his nose run. “Plus, it’s cold as hell and the grocery store is refrigerated, I don’t want you getting sick.”

“Sho I can-” you started to protest.

“Dad has spoken.” Hizashi chimed in, wrapping and arm around your shoulder. “We can split, Y/n and I can head home a grab food on the way, and you can go fill her prescriptions?”

“Nice try, Mr. “I-wear- a jacket- all- the-time-for-fashion”. You go get the pills; we’ll get the food. I’m fucking freezing.” Shouta poked Hizashi in the forehead.

“I can’t help that I like the layered look, Sho.” Hizashi huffed. You turned to his and gave him a peck on the tip of his nose, a dopey grin spreading across his lips. God he was easy to butter up, he was such a glutton for physical affection.

You took off you scarf and wrapped it around his neck and handed him your prescription slips. “Your assignment Present Mic.”

“Aye-Aye, Ma’am.” He saluted dramatically.

“You own me a warm drink when I get home!” he added over his shoulder at Shouta who was already wrapping his arms around you as you waited for the walk signal.

Shouta was a furnace as the best of time and a miniature sum at the worst of times. You’d taken his temperature before, worried that he had fevers or worked himself sick in the early days of your relationship. He was always around the normal base line, he just radiated heat like crazy. You sank back into him and let his thick wavy hair curtain around your face. You looked up and make eye contact with his smoldering dark eyes, a soft smile on his lips.

“Hey.” You said.

“Hey.” He hummed into your hair.

“What do you want to eat?” you asked.

“Hmm,” she closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “something warm.”

The cars came to a halt and the walk chime sounded as the pedestrian light lit up. “Ramen it is.” you chirped and skipped awkwardly froward, your splayed hips not exactly made for such enthusiastic movement. He trailed behind you; your hand clasped in his.

The Ramen shop on the way was the kind of shop you couldn’t eat in; it was a thin rectangular shop with just enough room for a line and the counter. You had never minded before but lately the lack of seating options as you waited was less than ideal. You and Shouta had to make do with leaning into each other, him trying to support you but making a makeshift seat with his thighs while she leaned against the wall. The cashier rang a small bell and called your order number with a polite thank-you. You scuttled to the counter and retrieved the expertly packed bags of lidded ramen bowls.

When you made it back to Shouta he was staring down at his phone, his normal peaceful tiredness replaced by an annoyed alertness. He was frowning and pulling away from the wall.

“What’s wrong?” you asked just in time for him to look up at you.

“Uh, there’s an emergency call for heroes. Like, three blocks from here.” He looked as though if he hadn’t been waiting for you to return he’d have already dashed out of the door. It was in his blood, Shouta was a hero and until one the assholes had knocked you up so were you. The splayed hips somewhat dulled that itch to jump into action, but you could remember how it drove you crazy.

“Go.” You nodded. “I can get home.”

“Y-you’re- really?” he turned towards the door and you could see him winding up like a spring action toy.

“Yes, go!” you waved him off. Without another work he was off, the door swinging in the wake of his exit. Although you hated to admit it, this kid had changed more than just your body. You never worried like you did now. You were never so afraid od the average mission or call turning into something catastrophic, you were paranoid about patrols in good neighborhood and rescuing cats from trees. Shouta literally rescued a cat the other night and when he was telling you about it all you could see was him toppling out of the tree and getting hurt. Whenever one of them left for work they would be setting up times to check in, and Hizashi being the chronically late guy that he is had to suddenly start keeping track of time. You didn’t want to raise this kid without either of them and while you all knew full well that it was a possibility with the life you all lived, it still terrified you to no end.

You tried to calm yourself as you stepped out onto the street, people were still milling about, and there was no thirty-foot inferno to speak of so things couldn’t have been that bad. You waddled the rest of the way home, bags of soup sloshing around in your hands, trying to stay calm. You weren’t doing very well. Usually you had at least one of the boys with you or they were together but no doubt Hizashi also had gotten the message. You groaned to yourself, knowing full well he’d also responded.

Your hands were shaking, hoping it was just the cold you rooted around in your pockets for your keys. Getting them in the door was an experience, both frustrating and upsetting in the only the way a pregnant person can attest to. Were the tears running down your face because you couldn’t get the key in the door or because you were a walking rage pile or hormones and anxiety? You whipped angrily at your tears and shoved open the building door, warm air washing over you. At least it was warm.

The building got more and more blurry as you made your way to your apartment, tears fulling your eyes until the lights were just wavering streaks. You were huffing breaths into what felt like air starved lungs, sobs pounding against your cheat trying to break free. You choked them down and rushed through our door, leaving the ramen in the hallway as you slammed the door shut behind you.

You really didn’t feel like being very very pregnant and having a panic attack. You started to pace around, running your hand through the soft blanket across the back of the couch and pressing your palms to the cool counter top as you went back and forth between eh kitchen and living room. Some tears fell but your eyes dried and soon enough your lungs stopped convulsing for air. You were still shaking and a knot was still tight in your gut but you had for the time being subdued the panic. With this new clarity you went you your room and pulled out you professional phone, the battery low having not been used in weeks.

You had also received the distress signal:

10 Ave and 4 St. Grand villain activity: League of Villain members sited at scene of disturbance. Requesting all back up in immediate area. Priority: Containment.

League of Villains. You’re stomach dropped, almost painfully. You gripped onto the sheets of the bed as you slid to your knees, panic rising in your chest again. You knew they were among other heroes, that Hizashi wasn’t a frontline fighter and Shouta would have a horde of heroes trying the keep him in play. You knew this. You also knew them, and that they could be stupid. Shouta had climbed a Goddamned tree the other night FOR A CAT. He could have fallen and died for a CAT. You choked down another sob. Hizashi was always the centre of attention and he did it on purpose. What if he tried to distract the villains and got hurt doing it? He’d done that once before on a mission and came home with a nasty concussion.

What if it was worse this time? What if the League was more organized?

You choked on another sob.

Warm arms wrapped around you and you jumped, trying to pull away.

“Hey, whoa, babe it’s me.” Hizashi hummed calmly. “Shh, it’s okay. It’s Zashi.”

He brought a hand to your head and held you against his chest, scooting closer to you in his crouching position. He kissed the top of your head and rubbed circles into your hair with his thumb and held you like that until you were able to calm yourself. “What happened?”

“I got scared.” You sniffed. “And I’m pregnant.”

“Oh.” Hizashi chuckled, pulling back to look at you. His nose was still rosy from the cold and his hair was swept back in messy waves. “Sorry.”

“You should be.” You punched him the shoulder, once for every word.

“Ow!” he whined, holding his arms up in defense.

“You did this to me!” you wailed. Irrational, yes. Cathartic? Also, yes.

“I refuse to take ownership until we get that paternity test!” he laughed somersaulting away from you.

You were just about to give him a piece of your pregnant mind when you heard Sho enter the apartment and trip over a set of paper bags.

“Y/N?” he called. “Hun? Are you, okay?’

Hizashi jumped to his feet and darted out of the room, shouting wildly. “She’s angry!”

You tried to push yourself up to your feel but couldn’t, slumping back down onto the carpeted floor next to the bed. The threw your hands up in the air frustrated, all that panic from earlier having left your body. Being pregnant was a wild ride, whatever you felt was so strong and so consuming at the time, but it could fade just a quickly as it came.

“I’m stuck!” you pouted.

Shouta crept into the door frame, Hizashi hiding behind him. The two of them melting at the sight of you slumped, cross legged on the floor, belly swollen, unable to move. Shouta grinned, that same entertained grin from earlier. He made his way to you and grabbed your hands hauling you to your feet. You slumped into him, reaching out a hand to motion for Hizashi to join in. Not one to pass up a good group hug Hizashi happily wrapped his long gangling arms around you and Shout, ignoring your grunts and he squeezed.

“That didn’t take long.” You mumbled into Shouta’s chest.

“Illusion base quirk, I erased it and it turned out to be a bunch of low levels trying to make a scene to get away with some cash.” Shouta explained. “You okay?”

You nodded and hummed into his chest.

“You sure? There’s soup in the hallway.” His whiskers rubbed against your forehead.

“The baby got scared.” You muttered.

“Oh?” he hummed, as if in thought. He pulled away from you and knelt down, so he was level with you belly. “Listen up little one, there’s nothing in this world that your parents can’t handle so don’t so around worrying us like that okay?”

Hizashi stooped down and eyed your belly very seriously. “Especially, your mom. She’s already doing all the heavy lifting, dude!”

You dropped your face into your hands a laughed. Yeah, this was one lucky kid.

#mha #bnha #myhero #myheroacademia #myheroacademiaxreader #aizawa #aizawa shouta #hizashi yamada #hizashi yamada x reader #aizawaxreaderxhizashi #readerinsert #readerxmha #readerxbnha #polyerasermic #erasermic #erasermicxreader #pregnant #pregnantreader

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highwaydiamonds · 3 years ago

Note

Um. Excuse me. You had cancer??

Yeah... I mean I guess I really haven't discussed it much on tumblr. I have a little bit, but only in vague ways, or rarely made veiled references in tags.

SO, get a drink, get a snack, because this is a bit of a saga, and you already know I am longwinded at the best of times. I'm going to do like Vizzini said, and go back to the beginning. I hope you're ok I'm making this public Shells, it seems easier to? And I'll put this behind a cut because I really do wax on ( and on).

It's the end of August 2018 and i appear to have gotten some kind cold/respiratory infection. I'm at work the first day of it and it feels like a cold. No big deal. (Also this is all pre-COVID so no I didn't have COVID). The next day I feel really awful, so I call off work, and figure all I need to do is rest and I'll be ok. Turns out, NOPE. The next day I feel worse- now I can tell I have a bit of a fever, my appetite was basically, " eat one baby carrot and my appetite is exhausted." Finally, I get to the point that I am having trouble lying down - as in I am becoming short of breath when I try to lie flat (sorry if I am using the wrong word - lay/lie was always a grammar issue that eluded me.) So, I decide, ok, i will be sensible girl and go get medical attention. But I am stubborn and feel the ER is overreacting, so I go to urgent care. i park in the front row of urgent car parking, but by the time I reach the intake desk I have to put my head down because I am so winded and a bit lightheaded.

They take one look at me and tell me, point blank, "we're getting a squad for you to take you to the ER." I say, " what? no, I don't need that, this is not that big a deal." They counter, " you could barely walk in the door and you you are having significant trouble breathing. We don't have the ability to see you here." So, for the first time in my life I have to go via ambulance from urgent care to a free standing ER.

I get to the ER - where they decide, OK, lady, you're a mess. Let's get some chest x-rays and we're gonna slap some IV fluids and I can't even recall if they immediately put me on IV antibiotics or not. But after two hours there they informed me, " hey.... So, we think you need to go to the hospital-hospital not the freestanding ER." I tell them well you better hand me my laptop ( I'm that bitch who takes the laptop with her juuuuust in case I am stuck in the hospital. you never know.) Because i am not going to a hospital until I figure out if they're in my health plan. I do so and then for the second time in my life, all in one night because sometimes I am an over achiever i guess, I go via ambulance to the hospital.

They admitted me and over the next few/couple/ hours ( it was hard to tell) I progressively felt worse. I had trouble breathing if I didn't sit absolutely straight up, and at that point I hadn't gotten good sleep for around 60 hours or so. Me being me I started to get teary and panicky, because I was so tired and wasn't sure what to do. I called for the nurse and she came in and then within the next half hour your girl got taken down to the ICU. By the time we arrived down in the ICU I was really getting panicky. My mom died in the ICU ( different hospital but still) and I knew the fact they took me down there was no laughing matter. I started to think about, " ok is this what death is like? this isn't what i thought it was going to be - this is panicky and scary and not all white lights and peace."

The next thing I knew - it was two days later, and I woke up intubated. Did you know that you can be conscious and intubated? I did not. I'll speed things up a bit here. I spent a total of 8 days in the ICU - I had one hell of a case of pneumonia, and there were a couple of other diagnoses thrown in ( nope, not cancer. promise, we will get there.) . The nurses I had were AMAZING. I was intubated for about 6 of those 8 days. Then I got weaned off of it. Funniest moment on the ventilator: Physical therapist comes around and says, " Hey let's get you up and walking, you think you can?" I nodded and shrugged my shoulders to try and communicate, " sure, ok!" It went totally fine, but there were nursing students, residents, other doctors and who knows who else looking out of rooms and over desks at the two of us just y'know... *walking down the hall*. I gestured to the people because it was just flipping weird. I had an audience at the exact time NOBODY wants an audience and it confused the hell out of me. PT advised me, " there aren't too many times ventilated patients are ambulatory. You're a bit of a curiosity so people want to see."

Once I got out of the ICU and was put back on a regular floor, I got to meet with other doctors re those other diagnoses I mentioned ( chronic things I just have to manage) I also mentioned that it had been a really long time since I had been to a GYN and as had been noted in the ICU I spotted quite frequently ( I have never, ever in my life been regular period-wise and it just got weirder over time, but I just didn't really consider it. So I asked while they were setting me up with new practitioners ( my previous doctor had retired) too please set me top with a gynecologist.

So I'm out of the hospital by September 10th, 2018. The gyro appointment occurs i want to say by mid- to late September. I go in and meet her and she's lovely. While I'm up on the table she says, " hey let's do all the things and get a uterine biopsy!" I say, " excellent, do the things!" We agree it's likely going to be nothing but hey we're smart people and we will play it safe. Huzzah Gyno visit accomplished! (if I were a gamer I'd make some kind of ladybits achievement unlocked now, but I'm not a gamer.)

Two or so weeks go by - or however long it takes to get those test results back (some of these spans are lost in the mists of time). Dr Boyle calls me and apologizes that the test results that she was sure would be nothing... they are not nothing. Turns out, it's endometrial cancer.

At that point you could have knocked me over with a feather. Shells, I wanted my mom to be there so badly, I can't even express it. She would have understood how I felt - she'd been there with her breast cancer. But at the same time, I was glad she wasn't there? I remember how heartsick my mom was to tell Grandmommy when Mom got cancer. I didn't want my mom to have to hear that news, to worry about that. Dr Boyle advised me that she would be referring me to a good oncologist and i should hear from them in a week or two.

Thus began MRIS and PET scans and ultrasounds, and blood work etc. The oncologist diagnosed that he figured I might be stage three, but it depended on my lymph involvement. It brought back memories of when Mom was diagnosed and when she told me she was stage three. I asked my Dad later, "what does that mean?" He told me, " there are only four stages, so what do you think?" This time around I knew what it meant. So, we put me down for surgery November 9th, 2018. That's two days before my birthday - so I joked that I was getting my cancer out for my birthday - hooray! My best friend actually flew in from texas for my surgery ( my best friend is a SAINT, and I love her more than pearls and rubies.)

Best surgery story from this experience: For my total hysterectomy (uterus and ovaries go sayonara and then also two signal lymph nodes in the chain of nodes on either side of the pelvis to se if there is any lymph complication.) I had to be tilted back - so with my head down to move as many organs away from the uterus etc during the laparoscopic procedure. I knew this going in, However, when I woke up back in my hospital room I looked at Bestie and said, " I hurt in places I didn't expect to hurt. Oh wait. My shoulders hurt because they're not used to being weight bearing, but the procedure was laproscopic - so why the heck does my vagina hurt?" Bestie in one of her best moments ever says, " I know why." I replied, " wait, YOU know why MY vagina hurts?!" She said, " yep. So your surgery was supposed to take 3-3.5 hours ended up taking 5 hours instead. Your uterus was really big. The oncologist told us they need up having to cut it in half to pull it out of you." bestie admitted she joked with the oncologist that it was like I had just birthed a baby, he looked back at her (NOT laughing) and said, " yes, that's basically what she did." I laughed so much at that ( i mean i was also well medicated, but still) I told Bestie, " I had a Uterus! Let's call it George!" ( In retrospect I am disappointed in myself that I misgendered my own uterus, I should have called it Georgina.)

So, after healing from the surgery, by about January of 2019 I started two courses (each with a few rounds) of chemo. First came what the doctors and I called "low-pro" chemo - that we did along with radiation. Honestly, though i was making a heck of a lot more bathroom trips, you wouldn't have generally known I was sick. Most of my coworkers had no idea. I just was a bit more tired than usual. After the low pro rounds - then we moved to the bigger guns. Radiation was done but I moved to more significant chemo drugs, This wasn't because things were bad - this was the plan all along :) But I knew the "high-pro" chemo was going to make me lose my hair. THAT was a psychic struggle. I cried so much knowing that was going to happen. I got hats and caps and I even got a very nice wig. I mean, I planned as much as a girl can plan when she hears that news. I even preemptively cut my long hair. It was about half way down my back at that point. So I went in and asked the stylist please braid it and put it in between two hair ties - and then cut it - so i could keep my braid. I couldn't do locks of love anyway as it was colored, and I know it's selfish, but I wanted my hair. So, the hair went from half down my back to a face framing bob. then I just waited. And then in a few weeks it happened. I could put my hands through my hair and easily, painlessly pull it out. I am not a cute bald girl. That's when people KNOW you have something going on.

I was very lucky though, there ended up NOT being lymph involvement, and even the high pro chemo didn't make me nauseous or lose appetite. I did have HORRIBLE bone pain usually the first week after chemo ( i'd get it every three weeks). I learned a hell of a lot from that. I also was able to get some meds to help alleviate it a bit, and I took time from work when the pain was at its worst. But I have never experienced pain like that - where no matter what I did - no position changes helped. Even ice packs or heat pads didn't help or do much. It was just a waiting game, a painful waiting game. Oh also - I learned that IV benadryl is nothing like oral benadryl. IV benadryl is like walking right into a brick wall made of sleep. That stuff knocked me the hell out right quick - amazing.

Right before COVID started and the world shut down I got the flu because my immune system was in the toilet- and so I spent another week in the hospital and except for the bone pain that comes with chemo, you know what is worse than chemo injections? POTASSIUM injections. Among other things, my potassium levels were low and so I got those injections with other meds. Those suckers HURT. they BURN, and so i spent a week in the hospital only to eventually come out and find out the world was starting to shut down from COVID. Not my job at that point, but my oncologist told me, " GO HOME - YOU KNOW YOU ARE IMMUNO COMPROMISED - DON'T STAY AT WORK." So, I went home until about a month after I finished chemo.

Since finishing chemo it's been about scans, which have gone ok so far... I'm not willing to talk about the R word. I just think I'll have to be careful the rest of my life - My mom always said, "once you've gotten cancer, you always have cancer." So, maybe it's the anxiety talking, but it's kind of like waiting for the other cancer shoe to drop. In the mean time though, it's business as usual - try to find good stuff in the midst of the hot mess. Cancer has been a crisis but not a reason to lose my sense of humor. I've needed it more than ever :)

So, sorry for the SERIOUSLY LONG ASS answer, but sometimes it's just better to lay it bare. I'm not ashamed of this stuff. It's been a lot. It's been a journey... It still is... it's part of the rest of my journey, which i hope isn't over by a long shot yet. I don't believe things happen for reasons - the world is WAY too absurd for that in my opinion, BUT good gravy have i been able to learn so much from this whole three ring circus. I'm not grateful for cancer, but I am grateful for the lessons.

Thanks for checking in, Shells. You're a complete sweetheart.

#the r word is remission #cancer funtimes #i really didn't let many people know tbh #not just online #i didn't tell one of my two remaining family members for months #i have very good friends who knew and friends who are like family that supported me #i know it's crazy to say i'm lucky - but i am. i so am.#and if anyone read all of this - you definitely deserve a hug and several cookies. if i had cookies to give i would but i just have hugs

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scullydubois · 4 years ago

Text

Only the Light: Ch. 10

Missy accompanies Scully to a doctor's appointment. Afterward, Missy confronts Scully about her feelings for Mulder, and Scully slips-up on the phone.

-----------------------------

She digs through her suitcase, searching for the business card she tucked in the pocket with her underwear. A sharp edge penetrates her skin, stings immediately. Her fingers close around the paper card and pull it out. A thin red cut traces the length of her middle finger, blood begging to seep out. She ignores it and grabs the phone off her nightstand, plugging in the number for the Aubrey Motel.

As she’s dialing, she realizes that it’s already past lunchtime in DC, and even though Missouri is an hour behind, there’s no way Mulder is in his room. She lets it ring anyway, then asks the man who answers for room 12. He patches her through, and sure enough, the line rings until it gives up.

Impressed by her own newfound patience, Scully hangs up and dials Mulder’s cell instead. She’s not exactly sure why she didn’t just do this in the first place; maybe she likes the idea of Mulder being stationary without her, stuck in his room like a lost little boy with no one to guide him. Her heart sinks when she thinks about Mulder gallivanting around Aubrey, solving the case like there’s nothing to it, like he could have been doing it by himself all this time. She wants him to need her. Naturally, she is ashamed of this desire.

She hits the call button and waits while an invisible force shoots across states and connects her to her partner. She does not have to wait long; he answers after the first ring.

“Hello?” He sounds the same as always. Simultaneously there and drifting, one body split between two minds.

“Mulder, it’s me.”

“Hey Scully.” There is a lightness in his voice now, like a balloon cut free of its tether. He is smiling, she thinks...She hopes.

“I just wanted to let you know I made it home safely…” She trails off, not wanting to stop talking to him, but finding herself with nothing else to say.

“I’m glad, Scully.” He always addresses her by name more when they are apart. This is a comfort to both of them. “How’s Melissa?”

Scully looks through the doorway, confirming that her sister is nowhere near to cause any antics. “She’s alright.” She deals in half-truths. “We’re going to the doctor later to get an x-ray, but I think it’s just a sprain.”

“Well, keep me updated. I found a lead on the case--Harry Cokely, the suspect of one of the 1945 murders. I’m on my way to see him. He’s been out of jail since ‘93.”

Scully gulps. “Are you alone?”

“Uh-huh.” He senses her tension through the line. “But I’ll be fine, Scully, he’s an old geezer now. What kind of agent am I if I can’t defend myself against an eighty year old?”

“You could have taken BJ with you.”

“And put a pregnant woman in the line of fire? I’ll be fine, Scully. They wouldn’t have let him out if he were still a danger.”

“Okay, Mulder.” This is not what she means, but it has already been a long day, and there is too much left of it to get into an argument with him.

“I might be able to come back tomorrow,” she blurts out, as if saying it will make it more true. “...I’d like to come back tomorrow.”

“Take all the time you need, Scully. I’ve got this.”

She knows he is trying to be accommodating-- though he so rarely is--but his casual manner confirms her worst fears about her own superfluity. “I want to work, Mulder, you know that.”

“I’m not gonna stop you.” Then, his voice uneven, suspecting but not willing to confront--”Just take care of Melissa--and yourself--okay?”

She nods into the phone. “I will.” She is staring at the barrel of Mulder’s metaphorical gun, knowing he won’t shoot, almost wishing he would. Bleeding out feels like the simple solution. “Bye, Mulder.”

She is leaving so soon, he thinks, grateful to have had her voice accompanying him on the trip. “Bye, Scully. Call the motel tonight, will you?”

“Alright.” She kills the line, each extra second another thorn in her side, a lie allowed to linger. Sin multiplying.

She stands there, clasping the phone in her hand and feeling like a stranger to herself. Her sister thought she should tell him before she flew a thousand miles and let an hour fall between them, and she disobeyed. What Melissa didn’t understand was that vulnerability is not a word in her and Mulder’s shared language. There’s no way to spell out the situation, even if she had wanted to. And she didn’t want to at the time. Or rather, she had wanted to so badly that it was dangerous, that she knew she risked more pain by telling than by withholding. She would have had to invent new words in their language, expand its bounds, and who knows what would come next. Give someone the language to express their feelings, and they will say them. And what then?

She is scared of her own feelings--and his too--because she knows that admitting means losing, somewhere down the road, and she doesn’t ever want to be without him. If she had never met him, she would never have to live without him. This is the gun that is always pressed to her head. She and Mulder are both holding the trigger.

She doesn’t know if he has such a gun against his temple, thinks that maybe he doesn’t, hopes so at least. There have been others for him, she knows this. Phoebe and...well, Phoebe’s the only one she’s met, and she wasn’t that impressive. But he’s a good-looking guy, and a good guy at that, and the whispers of a dark-haired woman who broke his heart float up and down the hallways of the Hoover building. He doesn’t tell, and Scully won’t ask because she worries that the mystery woman is the gun he holds against his own head.

She sets the phone back in its receiver, tired of thinking about guns and triggers and brains blown out. For now, she is in one piece--she’s pretty sure--and she would like to stay that way for as long as her soul will let her.

Her sister calls from down the hallway. “Dana, are you ready?”

Scully managed to book a last-minute appointment with her OB-GYN, thanks to Missy’s insistence that it was an emergency. Personally, she wouldn’t use such a strong word--I mean, it’s not like she’s hemorrhaging or anything. It’s the absence of blood that’s the problem. But there are tests, scans, and probing of the like that can be done, and once Scully admitted this her sister would not drop the issue. Off to every woman’s favorite place they go.

--------

The waiting room is a stepping stone, a purgatory, a beginning and an ending rolled into one. She has been here before, many times. In the past, it felt like an inconvenience, not a threat.

She makes an appointment every year, does everything exactly as she is supposed to do in between, and still she is here and scared. She is careful as careful comes, as prepared as one petite woman alone in the world can be. She can dislocate a jaw, strike a man’s legs out from under him, break a nose. And yet, and yet, and yet...Who first uttered “fairness,” thought it existed on this Earth?

Even so, the consolation of knowing lingers in the distance. Like the minutes between calling 911 and the ambulance arriving. Help is on the way. The nightmare will end, or it will settle in. Lucky or unlucky. Win or lose.

Scully is not sure what she wants to hear. Three tests is quite definitive; pregnancy is unlikely. And what else is there? That her cycle has been thrown off by stress, that it’ll come back on its own time, don’t worry about it? That’s no comfort. She doesn’t want something to be wrong with her, but she knows something’s not right, and what’s worse than knowing that you don’t know? She and Mulder have lived in that hell for years. She can handle mysteries of the outside world, but what a cruel trick for her own body to blockade her.

Missy nudges her from the adjacent vinyl seat, elbow meeting bicep. “What are you thinking about?”

“How my mind doesn’t know what’s going on with my own body,” Scully replies dryly. “I mean, I know I have a tendency to close myself off, but I’ve cloistered myself so much I no longer know what I am.”

Melissa frowns. “Don’t you mean who? Who you are?”

“No.” Scully shakes her head, looks at her lap. In her darkest thoughts and most blistering nightmares, she is not human anymore. They desecrate her, ravage her body, and leave a memento in her skin, a touch of them. It’s so vivid it might be a memory. Mulder wants an alien; he may have one. That would be ironic, huh?

Can you learn to believe in yourself when you become something you never thought existed?

Can you still believe in God?

Every job she has dreamed of doing involves solving. Knowing enough to know what you don’t know, then figuring that out. Taking the pencil lines, shading them in. Seeking and finding and never wondering why. She cannot keep this up. There has got to be a meaning.

It is not enough, anymore, to simply wonder for the sake of wondering. To cast light over the darkness because you are tired of the darkness. Why? Is she doing it for Mulder, for the traumatized twelve-year boy locked inside him? Is she doing it for herself, fending off the fallibility, reconciling her belief with proof so that she can get off her own back? Or is she doing it because she was told to, because she is still the daddy’s girl who wants to please?

Twenty-nine years, and she is still coming to terms with herself. We are all our own x-file. We are all taking ourselves apart and piecing ourselves back together and looking for meaning and losing our minds.

Missy reaches over the wooden arm of the seat and pats Scully’s hand. Scully is reminded that she hasn’t yet ruled out the possibility that her sister is a mind-reader.

“Dana?” a nurse calls. Her first name feels so secondary that Scully feels certain they’re calling someone else.

“Right here!” Missy responds, getting up and pulling her sister along with her. Scully tugs her sister’s sleeve like a child might, wonders if Missy has ever considered motherhood.

Once in the corridor, they separate. The nurse takes Scully to get her vitals checked, while Melissa seeks out waiting room D, where the nurse’s flat voice--already tired from hours on the job--told her to wait.

It is not long before her sister joins her there.

“How was it?” Missy asks before Dana even manages to sit down.

Scully shrugs. She turns her left hand to show the pink bandaid on her index finger. “My iron levels are above average.”

“That’s not serious, right?”

“No, it’s usually a good thing.”

They sit quietly, listening to the staticky alt rock song coming through the speakers. They are alone in this particular area, but nurses and doctors bustle just around the corner from them.

Scully regards her sister with a latent curiosity. “Have you ever thought about having children?”

Missy turns to her, laughs. “What?”

Scully is somewhat perturbed by her sister’s nonchalant reaction. “Do you want to be a mother?” she reiterates. “It’s not something we’ve talked about since we were kids, so I was wondering.”

“If my life unfolds that way, then surely I think I’d enjoy it. But I’m not prioritizing it.”

“Ahh.” Her sister has always had a particular reverence for destiny.

“And besides,” Missy continues, “it could be hard, you know, with Trinity and all.”

It takes Scully a moment to realize what she means. “Oh.” That’s something she’s never had to worry about herself. She runs her finger along the grooves of her bandaid, feels her heart clench up for her sister. “There’s always adoption.”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s a long, drawn-out process from what I’ve heard.”

“Mmm.” Scully nods, wondering how two women could have two such conflicting problems.

Before she can voice the irony of this, another nurse pops out from around the corner, peers at a clipboard. “Dana Scully?” Her voice is bright and chipper.

“That’s me,” Scully says, raising a hand to show the bandaid, her battle scar.

“I’ll show you to your room.”

Missy pats Dana’s shoulder as she stands up. “I’ll stay here. Come get me if you need me.”

“Okay,” Scully breathes, grateful to be given her space yet to know support is right around the corner.

----------------

For someone that went to medical school--and enjoyed it, for that matter--Scully always feels much too out of place in a gynecology office. It’s nothing she hasn’t seen before. In textbook diagrams, in wall art, in her own flesh. Yet the 3D model of the reproductive system, the color-coded illustration of the uterus, and the various pamphlets on everything from STDs to birth control to what to expect postnatal smother her, serving as a fresh reminder that Catholicism’s tendency to repress haunts her still. She’s more bothered by her involuntary discomfort than what she sees.

Dr. Zapolsky enters, easing some of Scully’s nerves immediately. Tall and dark-skinned, she has been practicing medicine for 20 years, and Scully has been seeing her since she moved to Washington. She can be intimidating if you don’t know her, but she’s honest and extremely competent, two things Scully requires of her doctors. And herself.

“Hello, Dana.” Scully sits up straighter as the woman’s voice hits her eardrums. She’s admired Dr. Zapolsky for years, seeing her as an exemplary figure, someone that might have been a mentor to her had she put her medical degree to work. “What can I do for you today?”

There are few things Scully hates as much as being the patient. If she’s the patient, that means she has failed at being her own doctor. That means she didn’t know--and worse--didn’t think she could figure it out on her own.

She wrings her hands. “My cycle is over a week late, which is very concerning considering that it’s always been timely. I’ve been having migraines and nausea and nightmares, and I just know something is wrong.”

Dr. Zapolsky drops Scully’s file on the counter. “Well, the pregnancy portion of your urine test came back negative.”

“I took three drugstore pregnancy tests too, and they were all negative. That’s why I’m here.”

“Have you had any notable lifestyle changes over the past few months?” Dr. Zapolsky asks. “Anything out of the ordinary? Stress is a major contributor to fluctuations in the menstrual cycle, as I’m sure you know.”

Scully nods, gathers herself. Dr. Zapolsky is oblivious to the rabbithole she has just fallen into. “I was, um, abducted, about eight weeks ago, and I have no memory of it.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dana.” Dr. Zapolsky wheels her stool beside the medical chair. “We have a bit of catching up to do.”

“Yes,” Scully looks at her feet. They dangle a few inches above the tile like a child’s. Nothing new. She glances back at her doctor. “There isn’t much to say. I don’t know anything about what happened.”

“Well, tell me what you do know.” Then, seeing the apprehension on Scully’s face--”I’m not trying to play therapist, I just want to understand.”

Scully blinks slowly to keep from crying. It goes like this, it always does: she can manage the trauma until she has to say it out loud. This is a story no one wants to be in, but everyone wants to hear.

“I was taken by a man involved in a case that I worked on. Well, that my partner worked on, actually. I got involved--and long and complicated story short--the man broke into my apartment, bound my wrists and ankles, and stuffed me in his trunk. That’s the part I do remember. After the trunk, it’s all a blur really.”

The doctor furrows her brow. “How were you found?”

“I wasn’t found, I was returned. To the hospital. None of the staff had any idea how I got there, and I was bathed and cleaned by my abductors so no trace evidence was collected.”

“So no rape kit was done, then?”

Scully shakes her head.

The doctor uncrosses her legs, recrosses them with the opposite leg on top. “How long were you missing?”

“About a month...My mother bought me a gravestone, she didn’t think I would be found.” This is a detail she has never spoken out loud. Saying it feels like letting air out of an over-inflated balloon.

“I’m so sorry, Dana.” Dr. Zapolsky lifts a hand, then puts it back in her lap. “May I hug you?” Scully nods and lets herself be embraced, though she does not feel it necessary. “That sounds like a horrific ordeal.”

Scully shrugs as best she can with Dr. Zapolsky’s arms wrapped around her. “It comes with the job.” Always modest about her suffering, she is.

Dr. Zapolsky speaks into Scully’s ear. “No, I don’t think it does.”

The doctor lets go. Scully doesn’t say anything. She curls the fingers of her left hand around her right wrist and squeezes hard enough to be certain that it’ll leave a mark.

Dr. Zapolsky slides her stool back over to the counter, flips through Scully’s file.

“I’d say the best course of action is to start with a blood test. I’ll check a few hormone levels---follicle-stimulating, anti-mullerian, luteinizing. That’ll give some insight into your pituitary gland function and your egg reserve.”

Scully nods along. Those hormones are complicated names she barely remembers, but she trusts it’s the right course of action.

“With that, we can determine whether this is a symptom of a larger problem, or if it’s simply a result of the stress you’ve been under. It should only take a couple days to get the results back.”

Scully nods, bites her lip. More waiting.

“Have you been seeing a therapist by any chance?” Dr. Zapolsky asks.

Scully shakes her head. Dr. Zapolsky should know her better than that.

“Well, I highly recommend it even to those who have not gone through any trauma. And for a survivor, it can truly be life-changing.”

A survivor. What is she, a war hero? That word is fitting for her father, who lived on the sea and sought eternal rest there. Not her.

“Thank you, but I’m okay.” Scully cannot meet her doctor’s glance.

“If you need any referrals, I can give you some names.” Dr. Zapolsky is just trying to help, Scully knows this, but this is not the help she came here for.

“The FBI has an on-site psychologist,” she says to close the subject.

“Oh, what a wonderful resource.”

“Most definitely.” Scully smiles weakly and ducks her head, ready to get out of here.

-------

There are many things she is afraid of, but physical pain is not one of them. The unknown, slow but certain death--these are the things that spook Dana Scully. When you’ve spent years being told that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, you are prepared to suffer for honor.

This is simply the prick of a needle, a relinquishing. Doctors used to prescribe it as the cure for any ailment, believing it to vanquish toxins from the body. Med school would have been a lot simpler if that were true.

She watches the blood flow out of her veins and into the vial. Some people can’t look; she can’t look away. Missy is seated in the chair next to her, chin resting in her palm after her offer to hold Scully’s hand was rejected. She traces the path of her sister’s blue eyes as they slide from her arm to the vial in the nurse’s hand. Dana has never been afraid to look--that’s the problem.

In an instant, it is done. The nurse smooths a bandage over Scully’s skin, tells her they will call with the results in a few days. And then it is two sisters, going, going, gone.

----------

They have a pleasant ride home, a soft and sisterly evening in. The prospect of Dana going back to Aubrey in the morning never even comes up, much to Melissa’s relief. Perhaps the illusion of normalcy her sister pedals in her head has finally given way to their unreal reality. They don’t waste a moment on the uncertainty circling them, instead curling up on the couch with popcorn and gummy bears for another Golden Girls marathon.

“Which one do you think Mulder is?” Missy asks during a slow moment in the episode.

“Huh?” Scully laughs. “Which Golden Girl, you mean?”

“Uh-huh.” Missy pops a red gummy in her mouth. “Or is he too interesting to be pinned down?” she teases, mimicking the swoony non-answer he gave about Scully some weeks ago.

“I don’t know honestly,” she says, pushing a blanket out of her lap. “I’m not sure that I know him well enough to decide.”

“You’re kidding.” Missy glares at her. Clearly her sister has not dropped the illusion after all.

“No, I’m not,” Scully intones, getting up to refill the gummy bear bowl. “And that reminds me, he wanted me to call.” She glances at the clock. It’s half past 8 there, so surely Mulder is back in his motel room.

Missy isn’t letting her off the hook that easily. She follows her sister into the kitchen. “Dana, I guarantee that you know him better than anyone else in the world. If they conducted a test on every single living human being’s knowledge of Fox Mulder, you would get the highest score.”

“Knowledge isn’t the same as understanding,” Scully murmurs, dumping the remaining gummy bears into the bowl.

“I’ll give you that, but you know what? You do understand him, you’re just too afraid to confront it.”

Scully wants to recoil, but freezes in place instead. It’s just as dramatic but gives less away. After a breath, she crumples the plastic bag into a ball and dunks it swiftly into the wastebasket.

She speaks rigidly, each word cutting through the air. “If I understood him, there would be no fear.”

Missy feels this in her chest--the aching, the truth in her sister’s voice. Dana is as close to crying as she ever gets. Missy strides over, clasps her sister’s hands in hers. “You don’t have to be scared.” She pulls her little sister in, squeezes her heart to Dana’s own. “He loves you. And I’m not talking about in a romantic way--I don’t know, maybe--but just in general. He loves you, and he would never hurt you.”

Scully’s eyes are glassy with tears now, but Melissa cannot see this in the midst of their hug. “Haven’t you ever been hurt by someone who loves you?” She says into Missy’s ear. “We never mean it, but it happens. It happens all the time.”

“And then you apologize, and you go on. Being hurt once doesn’t mean being hurt forever.”

“It can.” Scully pulls away, wipes her cheeks before her sister can overanalyze.

“It won’t, not with Mulder. I know enough about him to know that.” She brushes her sister’s hair out of her face. “If anyone was going to cut off the relationship, it would be you.”

“Wha--” Scully gives up the protest. She is partial to burning bridges that are prone to collapse, a last-ditch attempt at dignity. Yet Mulder doesn’t strike her as a bridge that would burn even if she set it aflame. Maybe that’s worse though, it prolongs the struggle.

“Hurting him would be worse than getting hurt,” Scully mutters.

“Loving him would be better than not loving him,” Melissa responds.

“The correct phrasing of that argument is ‘loving him would be better than being loved,’ if you wanted to copy my logic.” Scully gets curt and analytical when she’s annoyed.

“Hmm, well, consider that too.”

Their eyes meet and Scully can tell that neither one of them is going to win. “I’ve got to call him before it gets too late.” They both know who he is. She turns on her heels and heads for her room.

--------

He didn’t pick up the first time she called, which scared her more than she’s willing to admit. She sat cross-legged on her bed until the phone rang again about twenty minutes later, until she heard his voice on the other line.

“Hey Scully, sorry, I was out wrapping up the case.”

“Wrapping up?” She doesn’t even bother to say hello. “It’s over?”

“Open and shut...or, err, something like that.”

“What happened?” Her voice strains for no reason. She clears her throat.

“I’ll catch you up some other time,” he says breezily. “How’s Melissa doing?”

For a moment, Scully forgets her lie and tries to figure out why he’s asking about her sister and not her. Then--”Oh! She’s okay, yeah, it was a sprain like we suspected. Nothing broken on the x-ray. She can just about walk normally now, I think she’ll be off crutches by tomorrow.” Embellish, embellish, embellish. Missy had taught her to lie in the 6th grade, and she finally had some use for that knowledge.

“That’s great! I’m flying back tomorrow morning, I can be at the office by 10 if you wanna meet me there.”

“Will you tell me about the case? And BJ? How is she?”

“I’ll...I’ll tell you that tomorrow, Scully.” There’s a bit of gravel in his voice, which Scully has noticed comes out when he’s tired or holding back.

“Fine. Should I assume that by 10, you mean 10:30?”

“Well, you know how the line at the Dulles Chick-fil-A gets,” he wisecracks.

Something goes wrong between her brain and her tongue as she goes to wrap up the conversation. “Alright, 10:30. Love you, bye.”

Mulder makes a noise like a stifled laugh or a cough that couldn’t be held in. “What was that, Scully?”

Her face is flushed, and she’s thankful he can’t see it. “Sorry, I’ve been talking to Missy on the phone a lot lately. Habit.” The voice flowing out of her sounds calm and collected, like that was just an honest mistake. In a way it was...a much too honest one that has made her anything but calm.

“Oh, is that who you say that to?” he teases.

She laughs. Surely he couldn’t think there’s anyone else, could he?

“Just Missy, and maybe my mom.” She says it like a promise. He hears it like a prayer. Unusual, for both of them.

“Bye, Mulder,” she says, ushering any sentimentality away.

“Bye, Scully. Hate you. Oh, sorry--that’s what I say to my dad on the phone.”

Scully giggles into the phone. She’s still giggling as she sets the phone back on the hook.

Even after the call flat-lines, Mulder holds the phone against his ear like it’s a seashell echoing Scully’s giggle back to him.

#thank u thank u thank u for reading #and your comments in the tags #i LOVE reading those #pls keep it up <3 #only the light fic #the x-files #the x-files fanfic #txf #fox mulder #dana scully #melissa scully #missy & scully fic #mine

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harry-styles-sunflower · 4 years ago

Text

Wandering Hands Part 5

Hellooo everyone! I hope you are all having a lovely day! So this is Part 5 of Wandering Hands.

What it is: You and Harry become friends but you come with certain baggage that might make any other man run.

Word count: 5.3k

Warning: Smut, & Labor. (lmk if I forgot one!)

Pls reblog if you like it :) Thanks in advance for the support! Feedback is always helpful, I love hearing from you all!

♡♡♡

You two both looked at the test and your hand shot up to your mouth. Harry pulled you into a tight hug and kissed your head.

Pregnant

"I'm so happy," you looked up at Harry and you saw his eyes were watering. Green and bright. He cupped your face and kissed you.

"I can't believe this is happening," you said against his lips.

"I'm so happy it is," he responded.

"You're going to be a dad," you whispered.

"I know," he whispered back.

"You said you were good at pulling out," you smiled lightly.

"I thought I was," he laughed. He wrapped his arms around the back of your neck. You leaned your head back against them as you looked up at him. He was beaming with joy and kissing your face all over.

"I'm going to set up an appointment with my OB/GYN, do you want come? You'll barely be able to see it, I don’t know if it's worth taking the day off from wor-"

"Are you kidding? Of course, I'll be there. I'm not missing one appointment." he kissed you.

"Okay," you smiled.

ONE WEEK LATER

The pregnancy was still just you and Harry's little secret. You hadn’t told Sam yet either. It was the day of your appointment and Sam was with his grandparents. You two were waiting in the waiting room and Harry's leg was bouncing up and down. Your morning sickness has died down to only being in the morning opposed to all day.

"Har, calm down," you put your hand on his knee, "everything's going to be fine,"

"Love, I'm so nervous. We're going to finally meet him or her! How are you not nervous?"

"I'm more thinking about the probe they're going to stick up me," you sighed.

"What? I thought they put jelly on your stomach and watch the baby,"

"Not in the very beginning, I can’t be that far along," you said before you were both called into the exam room. They let you changed into a gown which Harry helped you put on.

"You have to be like at most a month right? We stopped using condoms around then,"

"Yeah I think so," you sat back on the bed and put your feet on the stirrups. Your doctor came in and debriefed you on your appointment and what she would be doing. Harry looked petrified when she pulled the probe out and grabbed your hand.

"Oh look, I think we have a heartbeat," your doctor states before clicking some buttons.

"Already?" you say a little shocked. Harry looks at you with a confused look.

"Yeah you seem to be around 6-7 weeks along," you saw Harry doing the math in his head. It was as if a lightbulb went off before he smiled. He leaned down and whispered into your ear.

"I guess I can pull out and they were just your faulty condoms," you glared at him before your doctor put the volume up and you heard your child's heartbeat. You and Harry's eyes became watery as you heard the beautiful sound. You saw him wipe some tears that escaped and stare at the screen.

"There's your baby," your doctor pointed to a small white blob in a black circle.

"Do you know what they are? Like boy or girl?" Harry asked.

"No not yet, about two more months until then," Harry nodded at your doctor and squeezed your hand. Your doctor took some pictures and finished up with you. You set up another appointment before leaving and you and Harry make it back into his car.

"That was exhilarating," Harry said as he turned on the car. You held back a laugh at his choice of words. He was too adorable sometimes.

"It was," you answered.

"Mind if I go to Barnes and Nobles? I want to pick up some books," he asked you as he drove off.

"Yeah that's fine. I feel sleepy so I'll just stay in the car and wait," you said putting your seatbelt on. You did as you said and Harry came back with a full paper bag of books.

"What'd you buy?" you asked.

"Research," he smiled. You took a brief look inside and realized they were all baby books but for husband/father point of views. You smiled and gave him a kiss.

"Baby wants a chili dog by the way," you hid your smile.

"Baby does?"

"Mhm," you nodded.

"Which baby?" he smirked. You shrugged.

"Well, what baby wants baby gets," he said before pulling out of the parking spot.

You two got home and discussed when you were going to share the news with everyone. You settled on after you found out the gender. You two enjoyed having this small secret of just you two. Harry was slowly showing you to not care about everyone’s opinions.

5 months pregnant

"Bye little brother," Sam said before kissing your stomach.

"Sam. If it's a girl you are going to be so disappointed," you laughed.

"Girls are icky!"

"I'm a girl!" you said feigning shock.

"You're a woman," he said seriously. You couldn't but laugh at his tone.

"Not all girls are icky," you explained.

"Eh, I gotta go," you leaned down for him to give you a kiss. Harry came behind him with keys in hand.

"Mm I'm going to miss you today. I got used to working at home." he says as he rubs your belly.

"I'll miss you too, but we'll see each other later. I'll meet you there?" you kissed him.

"Yes, I'll pick up Sam and then meet you there." he gave you a quick peck and then leaned down and kissed your stomach.

"Bye baby girl," he grinned against your skin. You shook your head at your boys. They debated almost every day why they thought it was a boy or girl. They both left and you rubbed your belly.

"Oh, how I wonder what you are," you said as you felt the small flutters in your stomach.

So, let me catch you up. You and Harry were stronger than ever and you were slowly but surely learning how to only care about your small family. You introduced him to Lydia and William over brunch one day and your own parents over facetime. You met his mum and sister over facetime as well. You could tell Anne was a little skeptical but once you two got to know each other you've been texting almost every day ever since. Harry had been staying a lot more at your place. But due to his recent promotion to chief editor, you two decided to just move in together. You two were going to meet at a dream home he found on Zillow for you two later on today. When you were about 12 weeks pregnant, Sam walked in on Harry talking to your stomach. You then decided it was time to explain to him what was going on. He was absolutely ecstatic but when he found out you couldn’t pick it to be a boy, he's been praying for it ever since. Soon after you told Sam you told your parents, Lydia and William, and Harry's family. There was a variety of emotions all around but you were happy nonetheless. Matt was possibly the most shocked, but happy for you. He's the one planning your gender reveal. Him and Harry have become quite friendly as well. Matt, Sam, and Harry all went to a Yankees game one day to 'bond'. Ever since it's been the three musketeers. You were going to find out the gender of your baby in a week or so. Giving you and Harry time to find out if this house was for you or not and also giving Gemma the chance to come visit and see it in person. She has been a great support for Harry through all this. Now, you're all caught up!

You stayed home today and cleaned through your things. It was a little crazy to move at 5 months pregnant but what could you do? You got rid of things you didn't need. You reached under your bed and pulled out a box. It was full of Michael's old hoodies. You smiled and held one close to you. You looked through the box and found one of his shirts in a Ziploc bag. You opened it just a little bit before sniffing like so many times you've done before. You smelled his scent and faint cologne. You smiled at the memory. Barely a painful memory anymore. Harry had gone to visit him with you and Sam once. He stayed behind at a certain point and it seemed as he was having his own private conversation with him. You would save all these clothes for Sam, just in case he'd want them when he was older. You could only feel joy in your life now.

Day of the Gender Reveal

"Matt, leave me alone!" you yelled through his bathroom door.

"You're not pushing me away today too," he continued. You just had a mini argument with Harry because he said you were becoming 'so round' and you were feeling sensitive today. Gemma hit him on the top of his head right after he said it and your eyes watered up. Now you could barely fit in the dress you had bought for the occasion.

"I want to be alone," you said as you opened the door. He shoved his way inside.

"Y/n you know he didn’t mean you he meant your belly,"

"Doesn't make it better Matthew," you glared at him.

"Darling," he said before cupping your cheeks, "you are not ruining this day that I planned so hard for," he smiled sarcastically at you. You hit his chest and pushed him away.

"Get out, I have to get dressed." you pushed him out.

"Great!" he yelled before leaving. You struggled to get your zipper up and you sighed. You called for Harry to come help you. He came in immediately to help.

"I'm so sorry love," he said as he zipped you up.

"It’s fine let's go out to the party." you say as you reach for the doorknob. He wraps his hand around your wrist stopping you. You looked up at him.

"I'm really sorry love," he leaned in towards you, "Could I have a kiss?" you hated how your stomach melted and your baby stirred at his voice. You nodded and he smiled before kissing you gently.

"Don't want to ruin your makeup, thank you love" he opened the door for you. You walked out before him and grabbed his hand. Upon first look you see Matt and Gemma laughing flirtatiously, Sam sneaking a wipe of icing off the cake and onto his finger, music playing, and a laptop ready for a livestream for your family to watch from far away. It wasn't the baby shower so you didn’t think it was worth it for anyone to fly out.

"We ready?" you spoke up. Matt scratched the back of his head and stepped away from Gemma. He was nervous you could tell. You grinned knowing you'd tease him about it later. He gave you a small glare knowing what you were thinking. Matt planned on Sam throwing a baseball at him and him hitting it with a bat. They did some practice throws first and Harry held your hand anxiously.

"Alright! Sam now's your time to shine!" Matt exclaims. Sam giggled and threw the ball. Matt hit it and before we knew it all we saw was PINK. You jumped with joy and so did Harry. Sam looked disappointed but smiled at how happy you are. You hugged Harry and then reached for Sam.

"You're going to love her," you kissed his head, "She's not icky," you laughed.

"I hope so," he mumbled.

"At least you'll be my only boy right now," you grinned. He instantly smiled.

"That's right!" he kissed your cheek and gave you a hug. "Can I have a cupcake?"

"Yes, my love," you said before watching him run off.

Harry came up and hugged you from behind.

"My two girls," he smiled against your shoulder before placing a kiss against the skin there.

"I know, now it’s even. Two girls, and two icky boys," you say before turning around and grin.

"Icky eh?" he wraps an arm around your waist and pulls you close.

"Mhm," you grab his chin and pull him in for a kiss. He deepens it and smile. We hear Gemma giggling and when we pull away we notice her and Matt laughing with one another. You can feel Harry tense around you so you rub your hand up and down his arm.

"He's a good guy," he looks back at you and you can't read his face.

"I know, it's just weird for me. She's my sister," you smile and nod along.

"She's going to have to build her own life at some point," you lay your head against his chest. He mumbles an agreeance and hugs you tighter.

Later on that day, Harry massaged your feet and cooked you and Sam dinner. You could get used to this type of treatment. You two had gotten the house but had to move in a few weeks from now after it was fixed up a little more. Sam was ecstatic because his room would be bigger and he had a backyard to run around in. You got into bed and Harry crawled in after you. You turned around to face him and put your leg over his.

"Hi," you smiled.

"Hello," he smiled back and rubbed your back. You leaned in and kissed him placing your hand behind his neck to keep him in place. You licked his lips and he let you in his mouth. You climbed on top of him, struggling a bit as your belly got in the way. You huffed and puffed after pulling away. He smiled at you adoringly.

"You're so pretty," he pushed a strand of hair behind your ear.

"I'm fat," you huffed. You were carrying a bit larger during your second pregnancy.

"No you're not," he cupped your face and kissed you hard. You were a little surprised by his roughness but it created a warmth between your legs. He bit your lip before pulling away and attacking your neck. He kissed, licked, and bit in all the right places. A moan escaped you and he growled in your ear.

"Don't ever wanna hear you talk about yourself like that okay love?" you nodded quickly.

"Okay," you breathed. His hand was on the side of your neck as he continued his assault towards your collarbones. You placed your hand on his wrist and breathed heavily.

"Harry, please,"

"Please what?" he smirked against your skin kissing around your breasts slowly.

"You know what," you whined.

"Want me to fuck you?" he kissed your cheek gently. It always amazed you how he could say the filthiest things while treating you like glass.

"Yes," you begged.

He flipped you over so you were on your back. You were in one of his t shirts and underwear so there wasn’t much to remove. He got on top of you and kissed you fast and pressed himself against you for some relief. You reached in between you two and rubbed him through his shorts. You knew he wasn’t wearing any boxers or briefs underneath them. He groaned in your mouth and bit your lip when you squeezed him. You reached in to pull him out and you began to rub him against your slit that was still covered by your underwear.

"You tease," he said after pulling away and rubbing his thumb over your bottom lip. He watched you pump him slowly before becoming impatient and yanking your hand away. He pulled your underwear off and licked in between your slit for a bit before you began pulling him up to kiss you and finally fuck you. He lined himself up against your entrance and pushed into you slowly.

"I don’t think I'll ever get used to this," he whispered into your ear.

"Same," you moaned.

"So warm," he placed his head in the crook of your neck as he slid in and out of you slowly.

"Ugh Harry,” you scratched his back and pushed his hips deeper into you, "Can you go faster?"

"Course love," he kissed you gently on your lips before picking up his pace. You two remained kissing before you were both close.

"Close?" he asked.

"Little bit, need a little more help," you pouted slightly.

"That’s okay babe," he reached between you and began rubbing your clit. Everything became ten times more intense. You tightened around him causing his thrusts to stutter slightly.

"Ah you do that again I won’t last" he laughed lightly.

"That's okay," you smirked.

"No, lady's first," he rubbed your clit faster and his thrusts became harder. You felt your stomach become tense and before you knew it you two were cumming at the same time. His thrusts stopped as he came, it becoming all too much to move. You had a way of tightening around him that he loved to feel it as he came. You also liked feeling his dick pulse in you. After he was sure he was done, he climbed off you and kissed your forehead before lying next to you. You settled your head on his chest and you both drifted asleep.

10 MONTHS PREGNANT

"Har, I'm so over it," you say before falling onto your new couch in your new home. You watched as Sam played on the jungle gym Harry just finished building for him through your patio door. Your living room was at the back of your house and the door to the patio was attached. Your house was a great size for your growing family. Four bedrooms and two baths. The kitchen was also a great size.

"These are just the last few days, I'm sure she's just extra comfortable, you’ve made her home very nice the past 10 months," he rubbed your belly as he sat next to you.

"Imagine she comes tomorrow? We still have so many boxes to unpack. We shouldn’t even be sitting down," you huffed.

"Love, relax. Please? I will handle it all. Everything we need for our kids is unpacked, our room is all set, we're going to be fine,"

"It's hard to rel-" you were cut short by a sharp pain.

"Love?"

"One sec," you held a finger up as you breathed in deeply.

"What's going on? Should I call Matt?"

"No, no I'm fine. They're just Braxton-Hicks," you explained almost out of breath.

"Okay," he spoke softly as if he was trying to believe you, "I'll get you some water." you nodded. He secretly texted Matt to standby for today just in case. He'd be the one to watch Sam for you and bring him to the hospital afterwards. He brought you back the water and you drank it slowly. You watched Sam through the door again thinking about when you were going to give birth to him. You were young and scared. Tried to be as positive as possible. Bright-eyed parents. It wasn't lost upon you that today was your dating anniversary with Michael.

"I'm excited to meet her," Harry said pulling you away from your thoughts of your past.

"Are you sure you like her name?" you questioned.

"Of course I do, I came up with it," he kisses your forehead.

"It's a good one," you rubbed your belly. She was moving a lot and kicking plenty. You face twisted to a pained one and Harry already knew what was happening as he watched you rub your belly at a quicker pace.

"Oi, stop hurting your mum," he said directly to your stomach, "where is she?"

"I think she's going to be really long. Feel her head in my pelvis and her feet in my ribs," you groaned.

"Love, I know you're excited to see your handsome dad but relax for me yeah?" he said jokingly.

"Narcissist," you laughed. He kissed your belly and rubbed it for you. His new mustache tickled you slightly. He started growing it out about 2 months ago. He said dads grew mustache’s and that’s what he was. A dad. You let him be, unable to ruin his excitement.

"Maybe, but she listened," he shrugged in a cocky way. You rolled your eyes and pulled him in for a kiss. Your pregnancy made you very loving with Harry. It was as if you had been together for years. You remembered your first anniversary a few months back. He made you an amazing dinner and rubbed your feet until you said you were good. He then proceeded to make love to you like it was his job. The pregnancy only heightened those feelings. You wouldn't take back a thing. You were so worried of how others would react but now you only cared about you four. Harry assimilated into your life perfectly.

"I love you," you told him.

"I love you," he kissed your forehead, "I'll never get used to hearing you say it," he leaned his forehead against yours.

"I love you, I love you," you kept repeating giggling. He savored the moment deep into his memory.

That night you woke up feeling wet. It was 2 am. You went to the bathroom and saw your mucus plug had come out. 'Oh boy,' you mumbled to yourself. You cleaned yourself up and put on one of your postpartum diapers. Water would come out in gushes for the rest of the night, or morning. You surprisingly felt calm, minimal pain. You got everything ready and yourself before waking Harry. You felt some minor contractions but walked them out. You began timing them and decided you'd wake him up if they got to 5 minutes apart. You walked around your new home and spent a few minutes alone with your girl. You sang soft lullabies to her and occupied yourself with making Sam his favorite breakfast and lunch that he could take to Matt's. You remembered to text Matt. He didn’t answer so you called him.

"Hello?" he answered groggily.

"Hey dude, your niece is uh coming I think," you smiled.

"Shit really?" he sounded more awake and he shuffled around. You heard a woman's voice in the background but her voice was quickly cut off.

"Matt? Do you have someone over?" you were grinning.

"Um uh hush, should I come over?"

"We could bring him," you offered.

"It's fine, I'll come. He's asleep,"

"You're going to leave the girl alone?"

"Gem-" he coughs, "She'll be fine,"

"GEMMA?!" you yelled in the middle of your kitchen. A stronger contraction came on in that moment making you groan.

"y/n we'll talk about this another time, I'm coming over," he hung up. You took a deep breath trying to forget that your best friend was most likely sleeping with your sister in law. You walked upstairs and sat next Harry on his side of the bed.

"Harry," you kissed his forehead.

"Hm?" he stirred.

"So, don't freak out okay?"

"That's not a good start," he sat up knuckling at his eyes. It was adorable.

"Well, my water broke and my contractions are sort of picking up. Matt is coming soon," you knew it was best to withhold the other information you knew for now. He looked you up and down with a wondering eye.

"Why're you so calm?"

"I've been through this before, I know my body," you lean down and press a kiss to his cheek.

"So, I shouldn’t freak out?" you could tell he was internally freaking out.

"Nope," you kissed all over his face slowly, "everything's gonna be fine," you try to say in his accent. Four words he's repeated to you consistently throughout the past year. He smiles and holds your face in his hands.

"Marry me," you look at him in shock but jump when you hear the light knock on your doorbell.

"I'm gonna go get that," you practically run out of the room. Harry sighs and gets dressed. He didn't know what to think. He'd been planning to ask but wanted to wait a bit till after the baby was born. He can't help but think of how he may have messed it all up now. You two still hadn't spoken about marriage much. Harry not knowing if it was too much of a sensitive topic for you. He made his way downstairs with the hospital bags as you were showing Matt where Sam's food would be. He didn’t understand how you were so prepared. You looked back at him and he couldn’t read your facial expression. You two said bye to Matt and we're on your way to welcome your daughter into the world.

"Y/n," he whispered.

"Can we talk about it later? I just want to push a baby out right now,"

"Yeah of course, I'm uh sorry I blurted it out is all. Um had a whole plan-"

"Harry, it’s okay. Later yeah?" you sucked in a deep breath as a contraction took control over you.

"Yeah," He said before driving faster. You got registered to the maternity floor fairly quickly and Harry helped you change into a gown. Nurses came and put monitors on your stomach. One for contractions and one for baby's heartbeat. They checked how far along you were and it appeared you were about 6 cm along. Bit to go but far enough. You walked around your room as you felt your contractions pick up. Harry offering any help he could. He would fetch you ice chips whenever you wanted.

"Love, how do you feel?" he asked as you settled into the tub filled with warm water.

"I'm alright, just hurts. She's coming, she's moving a lot," you breathed. You felt so out of breath.

"I'm sorry love, I would take the pain if I could," he runs his fingers through your hair lightly.

"I know baby, I know," you rubbed your belly.

You eventually got out of the tub and when you were checked again you were 10 cm. Ready to go. You and Harry spoke about whether or not he could or should look. You settled on the fact that Harry seeing you cut your finger a few months ago nearly made him faint that it was best he stayed near your head. The nurses prepared you for labor and your doctor sat in between your legs.

"Ready?" your doctor asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be," you grabbed Harry's hand. You pushed with every contraction that came and squeezed Harry's hand. He did not mutter a complain, only chants of support for you to continue. You felt exhausted when they told you nothing had happened. Harry put his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes.

"C'mon love, you can do it. You're so strong. Do you want both of my hands?" you nodded.

"Can she scoot up?" he asked your doctor.

"Yeah that's fine,"

"Scoot up a bit love, here let me help you," he helped you and he quickly stepped to sit behind you and you were in between his legs. He held both your hands and for the next contraction you were able to bear down a bit easier. You pushed for a few more minutes and before you knew it, your baby girl was out. They laid her on your chest and you began to cry as you heard hers. Harry was crying behind you too. You felt him kiss your shoulder as he looked at your baby girl with you.

"Hello beautiful," as if she recognized his voice, she looked behind you. Green and bright eyes. The same way her dad’s were when he found out you were pregnant.

"I love you so much," you kissed her head and sucked in a breath. She smelled so good. Having seen Harry's baby photo’s you could tell she was his twin. They eventually got her cleaned up and ran all of the usual measurements. When they placed her back on your chest, she was hungry and thankfully she latched on easily. You sat there, exhausted, and breastfed your beautiful baby girl. Harry watched her intently, never wanting to take his eyes off of her.

"She's so cute eating," he said.

"She is, isn't she?" you watched in amazement. Amazed at how a little person so new, already knew what to do. Harry nodded and kissed your forehead.

"You did so amazing love," you looked up and caught his lips between yours. He kissed you back sweetly and smiled. His proposal this morning was still ringing in the back of his head. But he didn’t dare to mention it. When you pulled away you looked down at your girl and smiled.

"She does look like a Charlotte," you smiled. Harry had heard the name from one of his manuscripts. He liked the way it flowed with his last name.

"Yeah she does," she unlatched and you two were able to finally get a good look at her. She had Harrys eyes and lips but your nose. She was calm and wide awake.

"Do you want to burp her?" you offered.

"Yeah of course," he gently took her out of your arms and laid her on his chest. He burped her lightly and wiped his eyes.

"Har, you have to burp her a little harder. It won't hurt her," you assured him.

"You sure?" his voice was filled with worry.

"Yes love," you smiled. You watched him as he burped a bit harder and smiled.

"I love her so much already," he chuckled and wiped another tear.

"Me too," you sighed, "I'm going to go pee really quick," you got up slowly and you felt him watch you. Postpartum bathroom trips were no fun. You put your adult diaper on and made your way back to bed. Harry was holding her still but now she was asleep. You stared at them for a bit.

"Yes," you said randomly.

"What?" Harry looked at you confused.

"Yes, uh, I'll marry you, if you still want that," you whispered. He sighed in relief.

"Of course, I want that," he stood up and walked towards you. He sat next to you on the bed.

"I want a whole life with you, I want to watch Sam and Charlotte grow up, you be my wife-" he stops once you start crying, "Love?"

"Keep going, it's just a lot of things are going on internally. My hormones are an absolute mess," you almost sobbed. He bit back a smile and put Charlotte down in her bassinet to hold you as you wept.

"I want, rest of my life. Want us, us 4, maybe one more," he looked down with a grin.

"Too soon," you chuckled. He placed his right hand on your cheek and kissed you. He kissed your tears away as more poured. But these were happy tears.

"Your ring's at home," he whispered.

"That's fine, I just want you,"

"I just want you too,"

The End.

Ahhh!! Can you believe it?? I might do blurbs of big milestones with this au. Would you guys like that? Lmk here! Also lmk what you thought!

#Harry Styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles writing #fanfic writer #fanfic #fics #wanderinghands #wh #one direction #pls reblog #lmk what yall think #thanks for the ask!#dad!harry #husband!harry

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smol-and-grumpy · 5 years ago

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Sky Full Of Stars - CH01

Sequel to Something Just Like This

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Summary: He’s Dean Winchester, ex mobster boss, still a little cocky, less ruthless and not at all short tempered anymore. Instead, he thinks he’s hilarious (she doesn’t agree, though). They both try to live a quiet life. And Dean hopes, very hard, that his former life won��t come knocking at their door.

Warnings: Mostly fluff, a little implied smut and a dash of angst for good measure.

WC: 2111

A/N: This is it. This is the start to the life after. I hope you enjoy reading.

SERIES MASTERLIST

They had stayed the weekend in the house and moved in a week later, but Dean didn’t sell his building, and didn't rent out his apartment either. Although he wanted to get out of his former life, the apartment worked as a stepping stone to where he is now. He couldn’t part from it, no matter how hard he might have wanted to (which is not very hard, he has to admit).

Y/N said he’s too sentimental and yeah, maybe he is. After all, the great thing they have now, the love that built throughout their relationship, it all started in that very apartment, and he likes to keep it as a memento, finds some kind of weird solace in it, which she thinks it’s creepy, but she doesn’t protest, because he knows for a fact that she thinks the same. So, he guesses, that they’re both creeps in a way. It takes one to know one. It takes one to love one, either.

He also reckons that they could use it as a city resident. Not that he has any business in the city anymore, wouldn’t even want to anyway, but he never knows, right? It certainly doesn’t hurt him in any way, shape or form to keep the building — and the apartment for that matter — so he leaves everything as it is. He didn’t change anything in the papers either, just to be extra sure for when his old life comes knocking.

Dean has to make sure to not leave any trails, because even if he’s out, there are still people who are butthurt he screwed them over (even though they all deserved it) and who knows when they’ll realize it and would come after him. Better safe than sorry and Dean needs to always be a step ahead. That’s how he got here in the first place.

He likes to have control over his life. Feels the need to control every aspect of it, and it scares him shitless that even though he made it this far, there are things that are out of his control. Like Y/N for example, or the baby. It frightens him as much as it reassures him. It’s weird, he knows, but he has no control over his own feelings either, not when he’s with her.

The new house is bought and registered under the name of the trust fund he set up a couple of days before he bought it. Nobody knows about it, not even Sam, although Sammy would give him hell if he knew because he’d be bummed Dean didn’t go to him in the first place but Dean couldn’t take that chance. There’s always a possibility that someone will come knocking and he’d rather Sam doesn’t know about anything at all. He’d rather, if worse come to worst, Sammy wouldn’t have to decide over his own life or Dean’s.

He had also made sure that the new house has proper security. It’s weird, Dean thinks. Even though he wants to leave his old life behind, it sticks like gum to the soles of his shoes. There’s no way that he’s going to shake it off completely, so the best thing he can do is to look forward and work with the means he has. It’s crazy what money can buy and Dean’s not shying away from using it because if he wouldn’t use it for that what’s really the point of having so much. They really don’t need a lot to get by. Dean has more money than he’ll ever be needing.

Now, with a baby on its way, Dean thinks about his future more thoroughly. Occasionally wondering what he will tell his kid once it’s old enough to ask questions. Questions on how they met (that one is easy: a bar, she was a barmaid, he was a regular customer), questions of what he does for a living (that one is a little harder to answer), why they both don’t work (Dean hopes that by that time his child could question that, he and Y/N would both be working again, not really what he did before, but just something to pass the time). They take it one day at a time though. He’s anxious enough as it is at the moment.

One thing that Dean never thought that he would get, though, is a dog. Never in a million years. Well, to be fair, he also never thought that he’d be getting a cat and ended up with two at one point. They adopted a puppy. A Belgian Shepherd, because Dean had the protection of his family in mind, too. The dog is loyal right from the start and he’s actually Dean’s dog, like Bubbles is her cat.

Dean’s the one who takes care of the dog, goes out for walks, trains him, goes to obedience school, picks up his poo, feeds him. But even if Dean is the one who’s doing all of this, the dog still likes Y/N more because he goes to her for cuddles. He doesn’t know what he’s doing wrong, seriously. Dean gets it though, she’s his favorite person too, doesn’t blame the animals for one bit, is only a little annoyed when they’re all lying on the sofa cuddling and there’s no room left for him.

Maybe though, maybe he should not let Y/N name the animals around this house anymore either. For some unknown reasons, she started to call him Truffles and the dog fucking listened to her. Dean tried to counter it with Hulk but all he got from the dog was a glare and if the dog could raise an eyebrow, he would have. It is not really fucking fair but he get what he gets, right?

She joked once that Truffles is somehow like Dean. All tough and angry looking on the outside but deep down, he’s just a cinnamon roll. Dean doesn’t agree.

So now, they are living in a house with Bubbles and Truffles and there’s a baby on its way. If five years ago, someone would have told him that his future would look like this, he’d be laughing them straight in the face, maybe beat them up for talking bullshit, just because he could. Joke’s on him.

Y/N’s working in her art room since she woke up this morning. She’s finished with painting the walls and is now decorating and maybe she’s already painting something. He wouldn’t know, because he hasn’t seen her since they woke up together. Hasn’t seen her since he made her come on his cock and they took a shower together after. The carpenter showed up while he was still showering and he had to get out quick and left her behind.

They are exchanging the flooring of their terrace and now Dean’s helping him because it’s faster that way.

Dean walked around on the terrace three days ago but then he took a step on rotten wood, which saw his leg being eaten up by the flooring. Y/N had to come help him out but of course not without taking a picture first. She had to take a couple too because her hands were shaking from all the laughing. It’s her home screen now and he hates it.

So, he had to call in a carpenter because if Dean has to do all of that on his own either, he’ll never be finished on time. And by on time, he means by the time the baby comes, which according to google MD should be next Spring but he’d rather have everything in place already before Winter arrives.

They don’t know the exact due date because they haven’t been in for an ultrasound yet, it would be too early to see anything now, she told him, but she has made an appointment in two weeks time, so they’re both pretty excited for that. Excited might not be the right word. Panicked, terrified, frightened might fit better.

He heard a lot about morning sicknesses and he thought that she’d have it too at first because she felt nauseous to the point that she has to throw up the vitamins she’s been taking since she knew about the pregnancy. Turns out, she should maybe not have taken them on an empty stomach. Lessons learned.

***

They’re at her OB/GYN, which was a recommendation from Anna, and Dean walks around in the tiny space while she lies there and waits for the doctor to arrive.

There’s a big poster hanging on a wall where they show the different stages of pregnancy and Dean’s looking at that. When he reaches the last stage, he starts to sweat even more, feels a little light headed and maybe he feels nauseous too, wouldn’t want to admit it though, so he swallows down his feelings.

He’s nervous, and was sweating bullets already on his way here. Y/N had to hold his hand the whole time while he drove. And it’s stupid, really. He’s a big guy, a big bad guy, and he really shouldn’t be nervous about an ultrasound, right? Right.

“Dean,”

“Huh?” He blinks awake from his daydream. Or is it called daymares? Because he didn’t have one good thought when he zoned out.

“My god, I have been calling you twice already.”

“‘M sorry,” He mumbles and walks over to her, sits on the stool next to the examination bed. She takes his hand, squeezes it and he leans down, kisses her forehead, “Just really nervous.”

“I should be nervous. They will ram a dick shaped ultrasound stick into my pussy not yours.”

“They what?” Dean braces his elbows on the examination bed, his hand still holding hers. “I thought the ultrasound will be made on your belly,” Because he remembers seeing pictures and videos of women with big belly’s getting gels applied on their stomach.

“Yeah, I thought so too.” Y/N says, “But they informed me after I gave them my pee example.”

“Aw, I’m sorry,” Dean chuckles, it’s hard not to, but then he leans over to peck her lips.

“I’d rather get dicked down by your cock than an ultrasound stick, to be honest.”

Dean snorts out a laugh because at the exact moment she said it, the doctor opens the door to the room and steps in.

The doctor explains everything to them and now Dean’s even more nervous as he sits with her, his hands are sweating and he feels little droplets of sweats on his forehead, is afraid to brush at them because the doctor would think that he’s a fucking wimp.

Finally the time comes where the doctor sticks the stick up her vagina and she flinches, while Dean tries to ease out the crease between her eyebrows with the pad of his thumb. Dean should not get aroused by the thought of something dick shaped going into her, but he does, which is really absolutely stupid and immature of him.

They both have their eyes on the screen but all they see is black and occasionally there’s a white blotch. The doctor goes deeper and Y/N flinches again while Dean tries to think of something super unsexy.

“There you go,” The doctor smirks and Dean squints his eyes, tries to make out fucking something.

And then it hits him like a freight train because the doctor turns up the speaker volume and Dean not only sees it, but also hears it. A nervous thudding sound. The same pace as that white little thing flickering on the screen.

“That’s your baby’s heartbeat.” The doctor says and Dean thinks he’s never heard a sentence more beautiful than this one, maybe except when Y/N’s begging for him to spank her harder, or to choke her or all the things she says in bed, really. But this sentence, uttered from a complete stranger right now, is a whole other level of beautiful. It fills him with pride, with joy, with something he classifies as hope.

Y/N’s tears pool around at the corner of her eyes and it runs down the side of her face, over her cheeks. Dean brushes it away with his thumb, and she looks at him then. There’s a smile on her face but also he can see that she’s scared because it makes everything more real now with knowing that there’s another heart beating below her own.

He’s teary too, can’t hide it anymore but doesn’t want to cry in a doctor's office though, so he swallows it down, kisses her instead, makes his face wet with her tears to cover his own.

CH02

#sky full of stars #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean winchester fic #dean winchester fan fic #dean winchester fan fiction #dean x reader #nathalie writes

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janicho88 · 5 years ago

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In This Together

Pic originally posted by jrackles

Pairing- Dean x Wife!Reader

Word count-9825

Summary-The reader hasn’t been feeling well and is afraid to go to a doctor, because of her medical history. One thing seems to lead to another, but she has her husband Dean to lean on. This is AU

Warnings- Sick reader, Little bit of language, A little angst, and maybe a little fluff, slight implied smut. Possible triggers talks of multiple surgeries some are a little descriptive, talk of possible loss of fertility, female problems.

A/N This is my first fic I have finished. I have had some things going on, I needed someone like Dean, this was the closest I could get to having him. It is unbeta’d all mistakes are mine. @winchest09 and @katehuntington you two are absolutely amazing!! Without you two, your virtual lockdowns and the people I met because of them, I never would have had the confidence to finish this let alone post it. Thank you!

You sighed as you rolled over in bed, time to get up and start another day. Although you were hoping today was different. You were hoping the pain you had been having which couldn’t decide whether or not it wanted to be in your side or abdomen would actually be gone. Something that had just been in your head. You had felt a kind of off for the last 2 weeks but had kept that to yourself.

“Morning Sweetheart,” came from your husband of four years, as Dean walked back in your room fresh from the shower. A quick kiss good morning before he finished getting dressed and you headed to get yourself ready in the bathroom. Soon you were both out the door and off to work. Dean was a partner in his father’s mechanic business. It was doing well for him; he’d even added on auto parts store next door. You were running your family’s restaurants, your parents slowly cutting back on their day to day involvement, but not leaving entirely yet because you were going to need their help in the new year.

You enjoyed your mornings at work, for the first few hours it was just you preparing things for the day, your radio playing softly your only companion. It wasn’t long before your daytime employees came in and the lunch rush began you all working as a team everything going smoothly today. It was while working on clean up and the dinner prep, one of your workers, and your friend, Donna found you in a back corner with your hands on your right side. When she asked what was going on, you told her you were fine and went to finish the task you were working on. Before she left Donna passed by your office where she saw you inside with a look of pain on your face again, your ringing phone interrupted her from saying anything to you then.

Dean beat you home from work and was preparing hamburgers to grill when you walked in. You set your things down and met him in the kitchen for a kiss, “Hey Babe, how was your day?”

“Good. The new guy, Gabe, I was telling you about should work out well, might be a little bit of a smart ass. Benny seems to have taken him under his wing to show him the ropes. Those two will be interesting together. How were things at the restaurant today?”

“That’s great! I know with your Dad, and Bobby cutting back their time there you wanted at least one more person in. Work was fine, late lunch and steady afternoon which is why I’m later getting home.”

“How’s the foot doing? You’ve been on it more with working longer hours lately.”

“Okay, as good as it’s going to be for now.”

You two enjoyed a quiet dinner, then curled up on the couch to watch a movie before heading to bed. Dean noticed you didn’t eat much of your dinner, but he figured you were either tired or grabbed a snack at the restaurant.

Your next morning started off about the same both of you on your separate ways to work. It was afternoon when Donna saw you again with a grimace on your face and a hand on your side. A little while later she saw your running to the restroom where you threw up.

“Alright, spill Y/N. What is going on, you’ve been a little off lately?”

“Donna, I’m fine.”

“Bull, lady. Do I need to call Dean and ask him?”

“NO!” Your head went back, and your eyes closed as you thought about what you were going to say. You went with the truth, maybe she would tell you what you were hoping, it was nothing. “I’ve been having a sharp pain in my right side, sometimes it moves to the front and is in my abdomen. Every once in while it might go lower. It’s probably just a sore muscle or maybe the ulcer is coming back”

“And the upset stomach?”

“That’s new-ish. This is nothing, I’m fine. It can’t be anything.” You almost whispered.

“You should probably talk to your Dr. Maybe your OB first, given your history. That’s what your worried about right?”

With tears in your eyes you gave a soft yes.

“Call them, and then talk to Dean. Knowing you, you haven’t said anything to him, and were going to keep pretending nothing was happening.”

You walked away to call for an appointment. Donna was right, you were scared, and you hadn’t told Dean. You didn’t want to go through this again. Around year and half ago you were at a girls day out when you just didn’t feel right. You attributed it to worry you had about something at work. It didn’t go away and over the next two weeks things got worse. You weren’t hungry, you had a sharp pain in your side, had started burping and not been able to stop it. That one bothered you the most. Then you started getting sick. Overall, you just didn’t feel well. You figured it was early February now, you just had a good old-fashioned winter cold. When you suddenly had trouble drawing a deep breath and it hurt to breathe, you had gone to a walk-in-clinic. They thought it was your appendix or gallbladder and sent you to your primary Doctor the next day. They agreed and sent you to a CT Scan the next day. Dean went with that morning and waited while you went back for the test. You were told your doctor would have to results in a few days while they were getting the test started. When they finished the scan, they told you to stay on the table they had a radiologist coming to read the scan right then. That hadn’t done much for your nerves. They told you something about a mass on your ovary and kids still being possible, but you needed to see your OB asap. You had walked back out to Dean in the waiting room in shock, not 100% sure what had happened in the last few minutes. You had ended up having a cyst on an ovary, which had destroyed that ovary and continued to grow into what your doctor called a giant mass. It had gotten so big it was pushing on your other organs. They had to go in and take it out. You were getting to the point you were okay with that part, but the doctor kept talking, and you kept squeezing Dean’s hand harder. They couldn’t see the uterus around the mass and didn’t know if it had damage or the other ovary, and there was a possibility it was cancerous. Suddenly the kids you and Dean had been talking about and picturing, might only ever be that, talk. You had been a wreck the morning of surgery, but Dean was in pre-op with you as long as he could be holding your hand telling you everything was going to be fine. It didn’t matter what happened with the surgery. If it was just the two of you, or if you ended up adopting. You were in this together. He loved you and the two of you would be just fine. The surgery had gone well. They only had to take the mass out and the tests came back cancer free.

Things between you and Dean were good. The last year and half had been crazy, no kids yet, although that wasn’t due to lack of trying in the beginning. The December after your surgery you had ended up with a stomach ulcer and they found a fibroid on your uterus. You really couldn’t catch a break. Your doctor had wanted to put you on birth control to slow down the growth for now. Here you were, once again worried that you wouldn’t be able to give Dean the baby you knew he wanted. His brother Sam, and his wife Jess had had their first child a few months prior and Dean was the loving uncle. Holding little Jake, he could calm him down faster than anyone but Jess. He spent a bit of time telling him all about Baby, and the things he would teach him when he was older. You were fairly certain he might get that boy in trouble with a few things, but that could be dealt with in a few years. You knew Dean was hoping for the day he would be holding his own baby, and teaching them, you were afraid you were never going to be able to give him that.

You were sitting on the couch when Dean came home from work.

“Hey Sweetheart, how was your day?”

“Fine, how were things at the shop?”

“Good, busy. Dinner smells great.”

“Thanks, it’s got about a half hour till it’s done. I know you want to shower, but can I talk to you first?”

“Always.”

Dean joined you on the couch as you started explaining. “So I’ve been feeling kind of off lately, not quite right. Pain in my side and abdomen. The last few days throwing up if I ate and drank much. It’s a bit like before.”

Dean moved closer and held you as he asked, “Are you thinking you have another mass, the fibroid, or something else?”

“I don’t know, and that scares me. I want it to be nothing, but we both know my luck isn’t that good. I have an appointment next Wednesday with my OB/GYN. I figured it would cut some of the middle wait time out.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“Thanks, but I think I will be ok alone with this first visit.”

“Wait, don’t you have your foot appointment that day?”

“Yes, but it’s in the morning.”

Wednesday your appointments finally arrived. You had been having trouble with your foot for a few years now, it had gotten so bad you couldn’t even wear a tennis shoe anymore. You actually were supposed to have surgery on it a few years ago, the same year you had found the mass and had to have that removed instead. It was a pretty simple appointment; they did updated x-rays since you hadn’t had any in over a year and talked again with the surgeon about what surgery would entail. He was a foot and ankle specialist at the University hospital. This was going to be your third foot/ankle related surgery but the first on your right foot. You had had different doctors each time, and you like this one the best. He was extremely knowledgeable and easy to talk to. You may have been nervous for this surgery, but that was because of everything it was going to involve. You were born with as the doctors called them extremely high arches. It had caused you a number of problems over the years, sprained ankles, multiply breaks, and your two other surgeries. They were going to go in and break your fifth metatarsal and put a plate in there and realign it, cut the Achilles tendon and lengthen it, you had tears in the Peroneal tendon which had to be fixed and then attached to the Brevis tendon to strengthen it, ligaments on the inside and outside of the foot needed to be tightened or loosened depending on the side. You had had all of that done nine years ago on your other foot, but because of problems you had with that first surgery they were taking it a step further. They were going to cut the bones in your heel and realign them. That part was making you the most nervous. You would be spending the 3 months following surgery on crutches, possibly longer. You had spent enough time on them over the years, you were pretty good on them at least. You had been planning on the surgery happening in January, you couldn’t put it off any longer.

The worst part of all this has been the not knowing because your mind is great at making up worst case scenarios, you were a bit worked up for your afternoon OB appointment. You and your doctor talked and going over your symptoms he was sending you for a CT scan the following week because he thought you might have a kidney stone based on some of your symptoms. He also ordered an ultrasound to check on the fibroid. They don’t do anything with fibroids until they are over 4 cm and causing problems. When yours was found it was at 3.3 cm, so they had just put you on birth control. The doctor talked about what could happen if it was the fibroid. You might need surgery to remove it, if it was to big, they might have to take the uterus out or there were shots out that put you in menopause for a while. You were due back in his office in two and half weeks to go over the tests. More waiting, just great.

Dean had dinner waiting for you when you got home. You explained the tests the doctor wanted and what he told you he was thinking. You never thought you would be in a spot where kidney stones were an option you were hoping for. You two spent the evening on the couch watching movies compromising on your choices. Since Halloween was coming soon Dean wanted a horror movie, you agreed if you watched that one first and ended your night with The Proposal. That way your mind wasn’t on a horror movie just before bed.

The next week went fairly quickly and your tests were done you were just waiting on follow up. You and Dean both busy at work during the days. You had lost a manager, you mom had been taking on a lot of caterings which kept her out of the store, and Donna couldn’t pick up more hours because she was taking care of her sister, Jody’s daughters at night. All this meant you were working open to close three to four days a week and at least 8 hours the other days. You would get home at night and not want to move from your couch. Friday morning you were doing your prep work when you received a call from your doctor’s office. They had both of your results in. They didn’t find kidney stones; the fibroid had doubled in size and there was a mass on your remaining ovary. Your follow-up appointment with them was 10 days away, but they wanted to see you as soon as you could come in the next day they were open, which was Tuesday. The last surgery you needed was like that, everything done asap. You had found out about the mass and a week later you were in surgery.

You hung up with them and called Dean in tears. Your mind automatically going through worse case scenarios. He did his best to calm you down and tell you everything would be okay. You two were going to be alright. You called your mom when you hung up from Dean and filled her in on your results. Making yourself get back to work.

Being a Friday, you had a busy lunch rush and had a bit of clean up and more prep work to get ready for the dinner rush. You were working in the back when the door buzzer went off notifying you of someone coming in. Donna called you to the front saying a customer needed your help. The first genuine smile you had all day coming to your face as you took in Dean standing there with a bunch of colorful flowers.

“Oh Dean, they’re beautiful! Thank you!”

“Not half as beautiful as you Y/N, how are you holding up sweetheart?”

“I’ve been better. It’s going to be a long weekend waiting to see what he has to say. My mom talked to my cousin who does some work at the hospital, a friend of hers works for an OB/GYN who has been around awhile and is the only one in town who does this surgery robotically. I have an appointment with him next week also for his opinion.”

“It’s all going to work out, no matter what it’s you and me together. I have to get back to work and I know you do to, I just wanted to stop in and see how you were doing.”

“Thank you, Baby, I appreciate it so much. I love you.”

“Love you too Sweetheart. I will see you at home tonight”

When you weren’t at work, you and Dean hung out at home over the weekend. He did his best to take his mind off of your upcoming appointment. You greatly appreciated his effort. Before you knew it, Tuesday afternoon rolled around. This time dean accompanied you to the appointment. The doctor explained that the fibroid was now at 6.7cm and was what was causing your problems. He was really pushing these shots you take once a month that put you in menopause for six months. He told you that it would shrink the fibroid, and that would be best to start with. The other options he was giving you were waiting and getting another ultrasound end of December/early January and coming back then or go in and do surgery sometime. You weren’t sure how you felt about either of those options but were glad he wasn’t going in right away to take out the uterus. What did frustrate you the most, was how the call on Friday made it sound like things were worse and you needed to come in asap for something to be done, and the doctor wasn’t doing anything right now.

You and Dean both felt a little calmer when you left the office. “What are you thinking about your options, Darling?”

“Honestly, I’m not so sure about those shots, I would need a lot more information on them first. The whole being put into menopause has me nervous. That’s not something I ever thought I would be thinking about at 31. When I talked to the nurse on the phone Friday she made this seem so much worse, and he’s not doing anything other than the shots now. I guess we’ll see what the other doctor says tomorrow.”

The next morning you and Dean were at the other doctor’s office. New patient paperwork all filled out and you were waiting to go back. Your cousin’s friend called your name and took you back. She had been talking to your mom, so she knew what was going on and had shared it with the doctor. You asked her opinion on the shots, and she just shook her head. She told you there wasn’t any guarantee it would even work, and there was a lot of risk with what going into menopause could do to you and your chance of having a child. You would have to sign a number of documents that said you didn’t hold that company responsible for any of the large number of side effects.

“I wasn’t sold on them before, I’m really not know” you told her and Dean.

The doctor came in shortly after and did quick exam. You had asked his opinion on what to do, he said taking it out would be the best thing to try and preserve the uterus and a chance for you to have children in the future. Yes, you could have a child with a fibroid on the uterus, but as big as it was it could cause problems. It didn’t end up being a long appointment because he was called away for a birth. He did order 2 tests and you set those up before leaving. One was another ultrasound to check where the fibroid was and if that would cause any problems itself. The other was to check the uterus for any cancer spots, they did warn you that one could be painful, and you weren’t going to want to do much after the test was done. You had those both scheduled for the following Tuesday and Wednesday.

As you walked out to your cars you asked Dean “What did you think of him, and everything said?”

“They are both pretty against the shots, and I know you didn’t really like the idea of them either. You cousin said he has more experience, right?”

“Yes, he does. I’ve talked to a few others that know him, and they all like him. Donna’s aunt was an OB and she referred patients to him if it was something she couldn’t do.”

“Ultimately Y/N, it comes down to what you think, and what you want to do. We can talk more at home on your thoughts and see what these tests say. I will support your decision no matter what.”

“Thank you, Babe. I love you. Have a great day at work.”

“I love you too. I hope you have a great one as well.”

You were talking to Donna at work about everything that you had found out. She had spent a little time working in her aunt’s office and at one point had been premed in school, you valued her opinion.

“You need to get it taken out girly, it’s already grown a lot on you. I know how much you and Dean want kids. If you wait too long you run the risk of losing that chance.”

“Part of me knows that, but the other part of me is worried about what is going to happen during surgery.”

“That’s understandable, any surgery there is a risk. This doctor has done thousands of these, you’ll be fine, most importantly you’ll be better. Don’t ignore this, Dean and you can adopt if you can’t have kids, Dean won’t be fine if he loses you. Don’t do those shots, there is a lot of risk with those, and you could run into even more problems.”

“Those shots are pretty much off the table, I really don’t like the idea of them. I know your right, a part of me just really doesn’t want more surgery. The last week the pain has gotten worse so I don’t know that I can put this off.”

“I know Sweetie, surgery makes anyone nervous. This will all work out.”

“Thanks, Donna, you are an amazing friend.”

After dinner that night you and Dean were sitting in the living room and you decided you weren’t going to think about any medical issues. While he had the game on you grabbed your computer and recipe binder. Settling next to Dean on the couch you pulled up Pinterest and Christmas recipe ideas. You had been scrolling for a few minutes when Dean looked over at your screen.

“What are you looking up Christmas for?”

“Mom and Dad’s Christmas party is a month from tomorrow, and I need to get my baking list around.”

“What do you mean a month away, that’s before Thanksgiving?”

“With Thanksgiving being so late this year, they are doing it the Saturday before. That way it has less chance running into other Holiday parties. You don’t want to do it Thanksgiving weekend, and then there are only three other weekends before Christmas and there will be a bit going on. So I need to figure out what’s on my baking list this year, what’s staying, what I’m adding.”

“It’s too early to talk Christmas.”

“Hallmark starts Christmas movies this weekend, Saturday has some of my favorites we can watch after work!”

“It’s not even Halloween Y/N, I’m not watching Christmas movies!” Dean threw his head back against the couch turning slightly to glare at you.

“You say that now, we’ll see what happens when I get that remote,” you smirked. “I could happily watch them year-round.”

“Ehh, your getting better with that. You used to be into Christmas songs and movies 361, the couple days leading up to Christmas Eve and sometimes that morning you were a little bah humbug saying you were done with all of it. Then the day after Christmas you start singing Frosty again.”

You just glared at him for a minute, “It was the stress, and trying to get everything just right and make everyone happy. My shopping will be done, before 2 days before Christmas this year. I’m going to enjoy it, no stress.”

“Sure thing, Sweetheart, whatever you say. We’ll see how you are on December 23rd.”

“Going back to the Holiday of the month we are actually in, Sam wanted to know if we wanted to come over Thursday night. See Jake in his first Halloween costume, hand out candy to the Trick-or-Treaters. Mom and dad are going to be there too.”

“Sure I’m in. It’s usually a busy night for us so I will be over after I can leave work.”

“Okay so we have my usual baking items: Sugar cookies I think I’m going to keep it simple and just do drop cookies instead of cut outs, buckeyes, peanut butter blossoms, no bakes, petit-fours, truffles, cranberry bars and the varieties of chocolates those I’ll make with mom. Now I need to figure out some new ones. Hey what do you think about, hey, where are you going?”

“I need a beer if we are going to talk about your crazy Christmas baking list.”

You waited for Dean to settle back next to you to show him your finds.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923042596801/

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923042596805/

“You’re on a Grinch kick this year aren’t you? You mentioned a few weeks ago you wanted a Grinch sweatshirt this year.”

“Maybe, part of me is. Anyways thoughts? What about these?” https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923042556919/

“Ooohhhh, Do you think I could make these?” https://www.pinterest.com/pin/174584923040748115/

“We aren’t going to be using our kitchen to make actual food anytime soon are we? I love you and you are very talented when it comes to your baking but I don’t know if you have the patience for those cupcakes.”

“You’re probably right, it does tend to run thinner when I’m trying to get all this stuff done. Look on the bright side, the party is early this year so I will have the kitchen back to normal sooner.”

“Sureee you will.”

You weren’t going to admit it to Dean right now, but you were trying to force yourself into the Holiday spirit. With everything going on you weren’t sure you were going to be in the celebrating mood this year. You knew how much he loved the Holiday, and the time with family together. You would put on a happy face for him.

Dean took you to your appointment Tuesday afternoon, because they didn’t recommend driving after since you were going to be in a bit of pain. It wasn’t even a five minute test to go take a swab of the uterus lining to send in to check for abnormal or cancer cells. They were right though, you definitely hurt after. You and Dean picked up food on the way home so neither of you would have to cook or clean up. He got you situated on the couch with a heating pad after you got home. You two spent another quiet night in. The next afternoon you took yourself to your ultrasound. The results for both tests would be back in time for your appointment the following Tuesday.

Thursday was Halloween, and you were short handed at work again, but not as busy as you were expecting to be. You left around 7 and headed over to Sam and Jess’ house. 5-month-old Jake was dressed up in a cute duck onesie. After saying hi to the couple, your husband, and his parents you grabbed some food and settled down with Jake. You were told you just missed Cas, his wife Kelly, and their son Jack. The one year old getting cranky and ready for bed. Jess and Mary joined you shortly. The guys were watching one of the All Saint’s Day movies. Apparently having a little one to get excited about put Sam in a better Halloween mood then he usually was in. Mary asked how you were doing; Dean had apparently told her a few days before and Jess had just found out tonight.

“I’m alright, it’s been going on over a month and I think at this point I want a plan. I want to know what’s going to happen. But I want to make sure that we decide on the right course of action too.”

Both ladies assured you they thought you would be fine, and that everything would work out for you. Your attention turning to the little boy on the floor in front of you.

You spent your weekend working and had started some grocery shopping for you baking supplies. Those supplies then found a home on your kitchen counter. So Dean was right, he was slowing losing the kitchen for a little while.

Tuesday afternoon saw you and Dean back in your new doctor’s office waiting to be called back. It wasn’t a long wait and you headed back. Thankful your tests had come back normal and the new ultrasound didn’t show any new problems. Because of the last surgery you had there was to much scar tissue in your abdomen for the surgery to be done robotically, and the fibroid was too big. You did have the option for another procedure, he described it as resetting your uterus. He did tell you it wouldn’t do anything for the fibroid, but it could get your periods back under control and might lesson some pain, you would need a few days off work. The best chance you had if you wanted to get pregnant sometime was to have the fibroid removed. Now you just needed to make a decision on what you were going to do. You were leaning toward surgery and when you didn’t make a definitive decision the doctor told you to come back in 2 weeks. When you were checking out and scheduling the next appointment you asked how far out the wait for surgery was. His calendar was filling up and he only had December 9th and 23rd open.

On your way home you and Dean talked about what you both were thinking. You told him you were leaning toward surgery, and he also thought that would be your best choice. Now you just weren’t sure you really wanted to wait. If you called your first doctor, he could do the surgery in two weeks, he just had to wait for insurance purposes. Honestly, he was never busy. That put you the day before your parents Christmas party or waiting till the next weekend which was the day after Thanksgiving. Another problem you had was making sure you had help at work. Right now, you didn’t have the help to do it. If you pushed it too far into December it was going to be a problem with your foot surgery. They had said with your stomach because they were cutting it open you would need to be careful not to tear your stitches for a few weeks and be limited for 6 weeks with what you could do. Crutches weren’t going to be a good thing to mix in.

Your parents, you and Dean all talked. You didn’t have the help to do the surgery in November, December wasn’t a good idea because of your next surgery. You decided if the doctor thought you could wait you would do the foot surgery in January and then six weeks later when you should be able to start putting some pressure on your foot you would have the other. That way the six weeks you needed to be careful with the second surgery would be ending in time for therapy in May. Work was going to be getting better help wise because you were selling on of your locations. The gas station next door to one of them wanted to expand and the only way they could was if they bought your property. That deal was supposed to close first of January. Your foot surgery was scheduled for the 16th. Things seemed to fall in to place for that all to work out.

You still weren’t feeling the best, but you were glad to have noticed you didn’t have the pain in your side and stomach every day anymore. It had turned into just having really bad periods every few weeks.

When you went to your appointment two weeks later you went alone and talked to the doctor about your thoughts and timeline. He didn’t think that would be a problem, telling you before he left that removing it was your best option. They weren’t’ scheduling yet for February or March so they would call you when those books opened.

If you were honest, you were feeling better with what you had decided on. Also, the fact that no one was worried enough to say you had to get in right now for surgery. You were still going to worry between now and surgery it was just who you were.

It was the third week of November, your new focus on the upcoming Holidays. You had already started your baking, freezing everything once it was made cooled and put in an airtight container. The list was still shorter this year it only had about 15 things on it. You didn’t get the Grinch recipes made, or the snow globe cupcakes, but you did make the thumb print snowmen. Next year. Two days before the party you moved on from baking to getting the food you were doing around. In between all this also trying to help your mom decorate their house and putting decorations up at yours. You didn’t end up doing as much to your house as you usually would, but just less to take down after and you knew things would be crazy then.

The day of the party both you and your mom ended up being stuck at work longer than you were supposed to be. This meant you had to work quicker when you got home. Dean went to your parents with you to help with the last minute set up. It was nice living on the same street as them, so you didn’t have far to go. With the final cleaning finished you were in the kitchen with Dean starting to get food around while your mom ran upstairs to shower. Your brother and his girlfriend coming shortly after. They had been dating for almost a year, but she didn’t come around much, so you didn’t know her well. Trying to ask her questions about herself didn’t get you very far because she only gave one-word answers. You looked to Dean and he just shrugged his shoulders, not knowing how to get much out of her either. When your mom came back down, and the food was in good shape you and dean went home to get ready and get the desserts.

You always enjoyed this party it was family from both of your parent’s sides, Dean’s family started coming when you two were dating. A variety of your parent’s friends along with your brother’s and yours. You were surprised to see more cars in the driveway when you returned. Cas, Benny and Kelly were in the kitchen talking to your dad and brother, along with one of his old friends from school. It didn’t take long for the house to fill up with people and the sounds of laughter. It was close to one by the time you and Dean went home after helping to clean up. You were beat and ready to fall into bed, Dean not far behind.

The restaurant you were selling, was the store you spent every day at, it had been your baby over the last 8 years. Since you were going to be closing it soon you had cut back on the Sunday hours which meant you and Dean could enjoy a lazy morning after the party. It was nice not to get up and go, you had missed the relaxing mornings you two used to enjoy. When you finally dragged yourselves from bed it was to the kitchen to make a late breakfast of eggs, bacon and toast. You would have to head in to work after lunch, but that didn’t mean you had to be in a hurry to get ready. After cleaning up the kitchen Dean dragged you back to the bedroom where you spent a little more time catching up.

That week was Thanksgiving which meant a shorter work week for you both. Thursday morning started off much like Sunday’s had, although you both had to be out the door by noon and have your food and deserts ready. A late lunch with your family at your grandmother’s house was first. The Y/L/N could be a rowdy group, so it was usually a good time as long as you could avoid any family arguments. After cleaning up there you would head to Dean’s parents where they had an early dinner. You tried not to eat too much at either place for two reasons, one you wanted to be able to move later and two you were trying to avoid being sick. It didn’t hit you as much as before, but you never knew when it would. After the guys collapsed in front of the football game on tv, Mary and Jess hit the adds. You left to go pick up your mom. The last two years you to had done some Thursday evening shopping because you both worked on Friday, and it gave you time just he two of you. You hit the mall and a few stores trying to start on your shopping list. You meant it when you told Dean that everything was going to be done early this year. You were going to enjoy the Holiday season. When you finished you dropped her back at home before going back to your in-laws. A short time later you and Dean headed home.

Much like it does every year December flies by. You hadn’t finished your shopping as early as you wanted, but you weren’t as stressed about it this year. You enjoyed nights with Dean curled up on the couch. You had seen the Grinch more times than you could count this year, I guess you were having a Grinchy year. Before you knew it, Christmas Eve was here. Both you and Dean worked that morning before meeting your families at church for the 4 o’clock service. You had to go early if you wanted a park, and a seat. It was always so beautifully decorated for Christmas, you enjoyed taking it all in waiting for Mass to start. One of your favorite parts of this service was when Father would call any little kids up that wanted to and ask them questions about the religious aspects of the holiday. Where was Jesus born? Your favorite answer this year was Baltimore. What gifts did the baby receive? Cake and ice cream. The answers they came up with were always a laugh. You hoped you would be sending your own child up there someday.

Everyone headed to your parents’ house after, some other family and friends would be joining you. You had dinner and then played games. As you and your cousins had grown so had the games. Jake was the only child present and he wasn’t old enough to understand what was going on. With all the adults playing it could get a little rowdy especially between Sam and Dean. One of your aunts had done that gifts wrapped in a saran wrap ball and it seemed like only those two could make much progress. So of course, when one of them was trying to unwrap the other would give a little trash talk. You had been feeling a little off and would disappear from the room. When the ball was unwrapped, and Dean saw you left again he came to find you. He found you sitting on the steps just outside your parents’ upstairs bathroom.

“Everything all right, Sweetheart?”

“Not really, my stomach is hurting me a bit and if I try to eat or drink I’m running to the restroom because it’s going to make a reappearance.”

“Anything I can do to make it better?”

“Thank you, but no I just need to tough it out.”

“Soon Y/N this is all going to be behind you honey.”

“I cannot wait.”

He held you close as you both sat on the steps for a few minutes softly kissing the top of your head. When you rejoined your family, they were on to a different game. The two of you hanging back to watch. When the time came to leave you were more than ready to head home just so Dean could hold you in bed. You fell into a fitful sleep that night, not feeling all that much better when you awoke.

The two of you were spending the morning at your mom and dad’s and then going to John and Mary’s in the afternoon. Your dad’s mom and siblings joined you for breakfast and afterwards you exchanged gifts. Luckily, you only had to leave the room once. Dean knew you weren’t feeling well so the two of you left shortly after to go home before heading to his parent’s house. When you arrived, you headed to the kitchen to help Mary. The two of you got along really well, you often considered yourself luck in that way. A few of your friends didn’t have the best relationship with their in-laws. By the time Sam and Jess arrived dinner was ready, and you all gathered round the table to enjoy. It was a great night spent with them.

The end of December was quickly approaching, and you hadn’t heard anything from the company buying your story, communication had just stopped. After you talked to your dad, he started making phone calls to the company again to see what was going on. Their plans for the property and been pushed back a few months so they were no longer in a hurry to close. You ended up pushing your foot surgery back there weeks till the 6th of February. Your dad finally got a date out of them you were closing on Monday the 3rd of February, that would also be the last day open. You would spend the next two days moving everything out. The New Year wasn’t even here yet and you knew it was going to be going fast.

Things were going to get busy for you in January, so you and Dean decided you just wanted a quiet night in for New Year’s. At the store you picked up a bottle of Sparkling Cider to toast with, neither one of you big Champagne drinkers, along with a few different appetizers to make. The evening was spent curled up on the couch watching movies, until you switched over to watch the ball drop. Sharing a sweet kiss with Dean when midnight arrived. This was going to be your year. The surgeries would be done soon, you and Dean could move on with the rest of your lives, it was all going to work out and be fine.

You had been right when you told Dean January would be crazy. You spent the month working on cleaning out things at work. The office took a bit of time, dividing up what was going home and what you were sending to your new office. Cleaning out things you didn’t use any more, what you were selling and what was moving to the other location. On top of all that you were trying to keep a relatively clean house and not let everything there fall on Dean’s shoulders. Everyday it seemed like a little bit more left the store and the shelves were slowly becoming bare.

Sunday through Wednesday of closing week was going to be extremely chaotic for you all, so you wanted things at home that needed to be done before surgery finished by Saturday. You cleaned the house top to bottom, rearranged the living room furniture so it would be easier to navigate on crutches, got the crutches ready, finished laundry and tried to stock up on non-perishable groceries so Dean wouldn’t have to go out as much.

The last two days you were open were particularly emotional for you. This location had been your baby and second home for the last 8 years, you had helped with the cleaning, gutting, and remodeling of the building when you bought it. Everything was set up just how you wanted it. When you went back to work in a few months at the other location it was going to be vastly different. Sitting at the closing you were trying to hold back the tears as you signed the papers, part of you wished Dean was there to give you some of his strength but he had to be at the shop that day since he was taking the next 3 days off. Leaving the closing you went to work to open for the last time. That day was extremely busy for your and Donna so many of your loyal customers coming in one last time. Dean came in for a late lunch giving you a much-needed hug, he left after promising to be back before closing. Dean along with your parents came back before closing helping you to clean up and finish making orders. When you turned the open sign off one last time Dean pulled you into his arms and held you while you cried.

“It’s okay Sweetheart. It’s the start of a new chapter, you have a lot of memories to take with you.”

“Thanks, Dean. I know, I just hate goodbyes, and change.”

“I know you do, but it’s a good one. Keep telling yourself that. Closing this story is going to help greatly relieve some stress.”

“You’re right, Babe.”

“Hey! I’m always right. We should probably head home; we have an early busy day tomorrow.”

It was six am when you and Dean pulled back into the parking lot the next day. You had wanted a few minutes without the others around to take care of some of your stuff. By 6:30 someone was there to disconnect the water lines so the pop dispenser and ice machine could be moved. Your parents arrived at 7 and you started loading both of their trucks and the trailer with items going to the other store. Sam arrived and went with Dean in one of the trucks following your mom to go unload. Electricians, and others arrived to get the oven and its components unhooked. You had gone around the day before and put a note on everything stating where it was going, whether the other store, your or your parents’ house for storage, staying in the building or going somewhere and you just didn’t know where yet. The movers were the last to arrive taking some of the bigger equipment for you, this way you guys didn’t have to figure out how to get it on and off a trailer. Dean and Sam arrived back to help load the truck and your SUV. At one-point Dean took one of the “going somewhere” notes and tapped it to your back. It was awhile and two stops later before anyone told you. It was 6 o’clock that night when you put the last load in your car to leave for the day, heading home to unload one more time. By the time it was unloaded your foot hurt so bad you could barely walk, both you and Dean collapsing on the couch not moving till you went to bed.

The next day you had a few more things to get out of the store and had to meet the pop company to pick up their equipment since they couldn’t come the previous day. You left the store that afternoon for the final time. Your OB and scheduled one last ultrasound you had to run and get that done, thankfully the fibroid had not changed from your last one in December. One more grocery store run to stock up for a bit, then home to vacuum and make sure you were all packed for the hospital.

Both your mom and Dean were going with you for surgery, but Dean had an early morning meeting the next day he couldn’t reschedule so your mom was staying the night in the hospital and bringing you home the next day. It was an hour drive and you had to be there at 6:30 for an 8:30 surgery. You went through all your pre-op things and your mom and Dean joined you back there waiting for you to go. Several people were in and out of your little curtain room, the surgeon, anesthesiologist, nurses, and med students. It was finally time to wheel you back after getting one last hug and kiss from Dean and him telling you everything would be fine. A few hours later you woke up in recovery which is where you saw Dean and your mom again. It is also where you found out they didn’t have a room for you, and you were staying in a short-term patient ward. It was almost like a pre-op room, one giant room with 15 curtained off rooms. Actually, the pre-op room was bigger. There was a bed a chair and one of the old hospital TVs that moved. The back of your foot where they did the heal work was bleeding through your after surgery splint and they said it would take a few hours to stop so they propped it up and told you, you couldn’t get out of bed. It only took a few hours for you to be tired of sitting in one spot, as someone who spent all day on her feet this was a struggle. Sleeping in a hospital had never come easy for you with your previous surgeries and adding all the extra noise with so many people around that wasn’t happening either. It was later in the afternoon when you told Dean he should go.

“Babe, you might as well head home, you have an hour drive and there isn’t anything you can do here. Plus, there really isn’t any room in here.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to leave if you need me.”

“We will be fine, I’m not moving, and mom will be here if I need something. Go home get some rest it’s been a long week. I love you I’ll see you at home tomorrow.”

“Love you too, I’ll call you later. Take care Sweetheart. Y/M/N, call me if you need something or anything.” He gave you a kiss and hugged your mom before leaving.

The rest of the evening and night dragged on, when you finally fell asleep that night you woke up almost every half and hour. The nurses were in every hour, and around 2am one of the other patients started screaming because he pulled something out he shouldn’t have. By 5 am you gave up on sleep. One of the doctors came in later in the morning to wrap another layer of gauze around your splint to cover up the blood, and by noon they let you go home.

The next two weeks went fairly quickly, Dean made a good nurse when he was home at night getting you whatever you needed so you didn’t have to get up or try and carry anything while using the crutches. You had practiced on the crutches before surgery, but it is still a little different when you have to be using them. As your family knew well, you were also accident prone and managed to slip and slam your foot down a handful of times. Both your parents, and his would stop over during the day to see if you needed anything or to bring you lunch. The stitches and staples came out at the two-week mark, that wasn’t a fun experience you had never had it hurt as much as it did this time. The doctor wasn’t putting you in a cast, he was going to let you leave in a boot which you would be able to take off if you were sitting with it up or to shower. Thank you for small miracles! The next appointment was four weeks away, the Friday before your Monday surgery.

The next month went fine for you, just very long. You were still stuck at home so things did get a bit boring, a number of new games could be found on your phone and you found a website with fanfiction from your favorite show you started reading. While fine for you, things were going nuts in the outside world, something called Covid-19 was making a lot of people extremely sick, overseas countries shut down and in the U.S., many states were doing the same thing. Your follow up appointment was cancelled and moved to a video chat, then days before it was scheduled your next surgery was cancelled. Stay at home orders were put in place and masks were required for those who had to leave the house.

It was definitely a crazy time and it went on for a few months. 6 weeks after you last video appointment, during the first full week of May, you had another and this one sent you to therapy if you could find someone open. You could also lose the boot and work on losing the crutches. The place you had gone for past surgeries was open and you started back there. This surgery was the hardest time you had to start walking again. There was a bit of pain if your heel hit the ground, so you couldn’t completely get rid of the crutches like you wanted to. The therapist you were working with said with the type of surgery done to your heel, the pain you had with it would determine what you could do and how fast you would get there.

You got a call from your OB’s office, they were given the clear to start surgeries again and yours was scheduled for June 1st, which was two weeks away. You had had a few problems over the last couple of months and just hoped nothing had changed and they would be able to just go in and take the fibroid out no problem. The closer the date got the more worried you became. Dean tried to tell you everything was going to be fine, and not to worry, but you aren’t the best listener. Because of things going on with Covid, you needed to be home the week before surgery as much as possible only going to therapy twice and the grocery store once early in the week to get a few things you wanted. For the last three months Dean had done the shopping, and you were thankful, but there were a few things you wanted to get yourself. Saturday you were going to have to get a Covid test and then had to self-isolate until you left for the hospital on Monday morning. The hardest part of that was going to be sleeping in a different room from Dean, you were even supposed to wear a mask when he was in the same room as you. You had spent the week before rearranging the living room again, then cleaning the house best you could as you hobbled around. Friday night you spent the evening with Dean curled up in your spots on the couch. The closer you got to surgery the more nervous you became.

“Sweetheart, everything is going to go just fine. There is nothing for you to worry about, and no matter how much you worry it isn’t going to change anything.”

“I know, I’m just, I can’t help it. You know how my mind works I’m great at going to the worse case possible. I’ve always wanted kids, and I know you did too, I’m afraid I’m not going to be able to give that to you.”

“Hey, it’s you and me no matter what happens. If we can have kids one day awesome, if not we will look into adopting. What’s not changing is you and me, we are in this together, always.”

“I love you. Thanks for being so amazing, especially during these last crazy months when I couldn’t do much on my own.”

“I love you, too. That’s what I’m here for, you would do the same thing for me. You always take care of me when I’m sick. I will always be here for you.”

“I will always be here for you too.”

Saturday morning you did a few more things around the house before giving Dean a kiss and leaving for your test. It went fairly quick your doctor’s office scheduled you an appointment and you preregistered. You headed home to work on laundry and make sure you bag was packed. That evening you and Dean were watching movies in the living room, although unlike usual you weren’t sitting together on the couch. Sunday was a warm sunny day, so you enjoyed it outside. Monday morning Dean took you to the hospital, you went through check in and then through the routine in pre-op. Just before they took you back you snuck in a quick hug and kiss from Dean.

“I love you, Baby, everything is going to be just fine. I will talk to you after surgery.”

“I love you too, thank you for everything.”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything. We are in this together. Love you Sweetheart.”

Dean was able to stay at the hospital during surgery, but he had to leave after. They weren’t allowing visitors into the hospital, so you were going to be on your own in the hospital for the next three days. Dean headed to the waiting room and they came to wheel you back to surgery. Well, here goes nothing.

Part 2

#dean x reader #sick reader #Supernatural #dean winchester

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captaincvans · 5 years ago

Text

Chapter Four: Skin to Bone

03/01/20

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Word Count: 1667+

Warnings: Language; TW: Miscarriage

Series Masterpost

A/N: I apologize for the long wait for this chapter! I hope I do this story justice, and I hope you all enjoy the updates. If you have a kind word or two to spare, please drop by my Askbox- I really need it.

Y/N turned around at the door, seeing the hard face of her ex-boyfriend before he slammed the door at her face. She stumbled through the city, trying to numb her emotions and think about her next steps. She needed a place to stay, luckily it was still the holidays, and she had the next two days off. The first hotel she went to was booked up, and so was the second one, and the third one. She opted for a small motel in the quieter part of town, where it wouldn’t be bustling with tourists. She managed to get a single room with a king sized bed for a reasonable price. Chris didn’t leave her with much stuff, just her phone that was quickly losing battery, her purse, and a duffle bag that she threw her essentials in. Luckily, she always brought a battery pack in case of emergencies. She chewed on her lip for a while, wondering what to do next.

“Fuck it,” she muttered under her breath. She typed a quick text to Chris, hoping he hadn’t blocked her number yet.

I need the rest of my stuff. When can I pick it up?

She waited a few seconds before her phone pinged.

Tomorrow morning. John will be there.

Y/N didn’t bother to text back, her body exhausted from the day, her mind shutting down to protect herself from the incoming wave of emotions. She decided to retire for the night, just after showering in the dirty bathroom, she thought it would be best to stay in the clothes she came in, unsure of the last time the bedsheets were actually clean. Once in bed, the weight of the day came crashing down on her. Their three-year relationship was gone, just down the drain. Chris was someone she found herself imagining living the rest of her life with, but now their relationship has ended like this. Once a drop of tear escaped, there was no turning back. She was angry at him for not giving her a chance to speak, for not giving her the chance to tell him about the baby she might be carrying, but overall she was just sad. Chris had never behaved like this towards her, or anyone he knows for that matter! It would have taken a lot to get him this upset, but she just didn’t know what she did to make him upset like this- or if there was even a reason. Perhaps that was the most upsetting part of it all, he never gave her a chance to fix the relationship. He just gave up on them. He didn’t fight for them. Y/N spent hours grieving over the relationship she lost, mourning over the future she thought she would have.

Her heart was bubbling with anger and hurt, the feelings making her want to vomit, but she remained strong. She lived all her other years without Chris, and would be damned if she let him ruin her life like this. Overall, she felt defeated with the turn of events. Chris was as stubborn as a person would get, he wasn’t going to change his mind or listen to her while he was still this hurt. After a restless sleep, she woke up at around 9AM, unusually late for her, but she was grateful for the fact that it was now a reasonable time to head over to Chris’s apartment. She took her car, thankful that she always had a preference towards a CRV instead of smaller cars.

“Hi John,” Y/N greeted quietly, not knowing what his mood was going to be. She wasn’t even sure if he knew the whole story, and if he would be resentful towards her.

“Hi Y/N,” he replied. He gave her a small smile, sympathy in his eyes. “How are you holding up?”

She shrugged. “Not great.”

He nodded, unsure of what else to say. “Do you need help getting these in your car?”

“That would be great. Thanks.”

John grabbed the box closest to him, and placed it inside her car. Slowly, but surely the car was starting to get full with all her stuff, and it left her heart aching more. Once the last of her items were in the car, John stopped her. “Before I forget. Chris wanted me to give you this.” He handed her a stapled contract.

“Oh right… The agreement,” Y/N mumbled. She never thought her relationship with Chris would end this badly, she never thought it would end, period. She was sure he was the one she would spend the rest of her life with. She would never forget signing this form when they reached their second year anniversary, almost a year ago. Chris hadn’t even told her about this directly, John had given her all this information on his own.

“Sorry about all this, Y/N.”

“It’s not your fault, John. How should I make the payments?”

“You can deposit it into the account shown on the last page. It should have all the information you need, and if you have any questions feel free to call me.”

She read over the letter, heart sinking when she saw the amount of money she owed, but she wasn’t surprised. Chris had spent quite a great deal on her and the relationship. She dragged her feet to the motel, hoping to find some apartments around the area that she can afford. She was far from poor, but if she needed to make monthly instalments to Chris, she would need to be smart with her budget. Afterall, paying someone $50 000 was not in her mind when she was making the budget for the year.

The first thing she did was book an appointment with her family doctor to confirm her pregnancy. Y/N was hoping to make the first appointment with Chris after she had told him, but now she supposed everything had to be done by herself. She went back to work the next day, refusing to stay in bed and wallow in her sorrow.

Her doctor’s appointment was on a rainy Wednesday, the weather matching her foul mood. She was grateful that they didn’t ask too many questions about the baby daddy, and instead focused on the her and the baby’s health, giving her all the information she needed.

A month after they separated, the investigation started. Y/N wasn’t sure what to think. She knew for sure she would never steal from Chris, she was adamant in proving that she was never with him for his money. But no one seemed to believe her. She couldn’t blame them. If Chris didn’t even believe her, how could she expect strangers to believe her? She did her best with giving as much information to the police as possible. They were looking into her accounts, but she was confident they wouldn’t find anything. She was positive in her innocence.

The stress was getting to her, pressure from her friends and family on why she and Chris broke up on top of the investigation was piling up. She woke up in her one bedroom apartment, a sharp pain in her abdomen. A pressure in her chest was building as an ominous feeling dawned on her. She made a beeline to the bathroom, seeing the blood seep through her cream shorts, and she felt nauseous. She phoned her OB/Gyn in a panic, quickly washing up to Uber to her doctor. She wasn’t going to risk driving in this condition.Two long hours later, and she got her result. She had a miscarriage. While her doctor was going on with how often it happened, she tuned out. There was an empty feeling in her heart, and she wasn’t sure if it would ever be filled again.

Y/N had no time to grieve the loss of her baby because a month later the press found out about the whole investigation. After that her life became a living hell. The journalist and press were following her around like a piranha smelling fresh blood. Once the news became public that she was remotely involved in this fraud case, she was fired from her workplace with the excuse that they didn’t want to have the negative press on her team. The next few months were unbearable to say the least. Every day was harder than the previous.

Y/N left her home to do a quick grocery run, her small home was packed with paparazzis around her. She asked her lawyer a few months ago to move to a smaller apartment and somewhere she could have a small sense of security, losing her job and the payments she made to John made a considerable dent to her savings. Unfortunately, her lawyer said no. There were strict rules on what she could and couldn’t do as a part of this investigation as outlined by the court, and moving was not an option. As she was coming back, one of the journalist had gotten close to her, enough to hit her with their giant cameras.

“What do you have to say about the investigation?”

“Were you just with Chris for his money?”

“Did you steal from him?”

“Did you plan all of this?”

Questions were thrown at her, each one hitting her harder. She knew that she never had any intention of hurting Chris, even after all this time, she was no longer mad at him. Instead, she felt sorry for him. It must have been hard for him to accept that the people closest to him betrayed him, and she knew how sensitive he was to the people around him. He was always so friendly to people, and there were some that took advantage of his kindness.

“Please leave me alone,” she said, trying to avoid more cameras hitting her.

“What was that?”

“Can you repeat that?”

“Did you say to leave you alone?”

It was the first time she acknowledged them by talking to them, and they were eating it up. Now she was even more anxious. She knew not to have given them anything, Chris had told her that all the time when they were dating. Once they think they have a chance to get something out of you, they would attack and be more aggressive with their advances. Finally, she made it inside her home, quickly locking the door behind her and throwing her groceries on the kitchen counter. Once her hands were empty, she fell to her knees, tears quickly falling down her face.

Scott drove them both home, Chris being unfit to even get behind the wheels with his mind so jumbled.

“You gonna be okay?” Scott asked once they arrived at Chris’s farmhouse.

Chris nodded numbly, offering a forced smile. “Yea, I’ll be fine. Go on your date.”

“I can cancel-”

“Scott, really, it’s fine.” Chris punched his brother’s arm, trying to give him a semblance of his old self. “I’ll be fine. I’m good.”

“Okay. If you need anything- and I mean anything, call me, okay?”

Chris rolled his eyes. “Yes, mom.”

Scott chuckled, shaking his head. He grabbed his duffle bag of stuff he brought when he stayed over.

Once Scott left, Chris fell to his couch. Dodger padding towards him, and throwing his toy next to him. “Not now, buddy.” He did, however, scratch the back of the canine’s ears. “I fucked up, and I gotta figure out a way to apologize to your mom.” He pulled out his phone, trying to find any sign on Y/N through her social media. She’s never been an avid user, especially once their relationship became public. He wasn’t surprised to find that she hasn’t been active since a bit before they broke up.

However, something on his Twitter caught his eye. It was a paparazzi photo of Y/N from the morning exiting a grocery store, and a few more from outside of what he assumed was her home. She was highly distressed, her sunglasses failing to hide the crease between her brows, and the way her body curled in itself. The tweet itself was hateful, telling Y/N she brought this upon herself. Chris flared with anger, seeing the replies and other tweets, all blaming her. Just like him, they didn’t hear her side of the story. He went through the journalist’s tweets, they wrote clickbait articles using her name, getting quotes from her friends and family that he knew weren’t all that truthful. One of the article broke his heart. There was a quote from her begging them to stop following her, to leave her alone, but they made a joke out of it in their writing. They weren’t interested in telling a story. They were there to just break her even more.

Chris went back to his page, and tweeted something for the first time in a few months.

<-- (Chapter 3) (Chapter 5) -->

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