#i have already had too many other crises this year

[casvonriegan]

love working on my phd proposal for like 10 hours while in extreme emotional distress

[gatitties]

Web of love

─Yandere!Jujutsu Kaisen x fem!reader (platonic)

─Summary: forced to abandon your family and being spit out into a world of curses where everyone seems to gravitate towards you

─Warnings: a little angst¿ obsession, toxic behaviors, yandere stuff

Part Two / Part Three / Part Four

The blank pages: Part One / Par Two

ok I had a burst of inspiration and I needed to write also need more platonic yanderes for jjk 😔 (I'll probably write another part because I left out many characters and villains… 😈)

SOMETIMES you think that you had to do something very terrible in your old life, something unforgivable and unimaginable to be punished right now, sometimes you think that the easiest thing would be to bang your head against the wall until you are stupid enough to have a caregiver and stop worrying about many things.

You just wanted to help your parents with the family business, being a time of high demand in the hostelry sector, taking advantage of your school holidays, you loved your family very much and helping in the business was the least you could do.

But the moment a group of children come in screaming excitedly and running from one side to the other you lost your nerve, yes, they are kids celebrating a birthday, but so much activity, noise and annoyance made a vein swell on your forehead, you were reaching the limit, but at least there were only a couple of hours left to be able to close and surreptitiously remove the last people with brooms.

You swore you were losing years and hair, that the minutes passed slower and slower as if you were stuck in an endless hour.

"I think if you keep squeezing the tray like that you'll break it, honey."

Your mother squeezed your shoulder, you turned to look at her, she was behind the bar, cleaning with a cloth while she glanced at you from time to time, she certainly knew how to detect when you were losing your temper, after all she saw you have many crises nervous before.

"Sorry, you know I can't stand so much movement and annoying noises, it's exhausting."

"Oh, I think you can go home if you want, you've done enough for today miss."

A new voice joined in, your father made way with a couple of plates, he left them on the bar to place his hands on your shoulders and rub circles on them, calming you with his touch, you smiled in agreement, your mood improving as you heard that you can go home once and for all, they wouldn't have much work at this hour.

"Don't forget the jacket love, it's already night and it's cold outside!"

"I know mom, bye, love you two!"

You shouted as you were already walking through the door, you waved to both of them before walking out onto the lonely streets, luckily your house wasn't too far from the family business. Without wasting time you grabbed your faithful life companions, your headphones, connecting them to your phone to listen to music at a ridiculously high volume. You let music be your final destination, if you ever suffer an accident, at least it'll be listen to something you like.

Moving your head slightly to the rhythm of the sound, looking at the ground as your legs moved on their own, knowing the way back by heart, you concentrated on drowning out the thoughts leaving your mind blank, it wasn't very difficult since you barely had enough active neurons at this time to have too deep thoughts.

"Huh?"

Some mist came out of your mouth when you felt something tiny cling to your leg, confused, you looked down with a blank look and an imperturbable face, you saw like a kind of fairy-bug, a strange thing was sticking to your leg, looking at you with eyes of a kicked dog. Oh yeah, you started seeing these kinds of creatures, monsters, whatever they are, a couple of months ago when you decided to walk into a 'witchcraft' shop just because a bracelet seemed cute to you.

When you wanted to question the old woman who sold it to you ─after checking that you hadn't spent too much time on the Internet to be hallucinating─ she was no longer there, as if she had disappeared from the face of the earth, no one seemed to remember her except of you.

You grimaced, holding the little thing carefully, pushing it away from you as if you had just taken unidentified food out of the sink after having washed the dishes, without hesitation you threw it like it was a snot, you didn't even hear the squeal that came from it as it crashed to the ground because you hadn't turned the music down.

You continued your path, ignoring how more of those monsters began to appear, larger ones, with more or less human shapes, you didn't know if you had reached the point of emotional exhaustion that you no longer cared about those things, or you were so desensitized to certain things that you barely changed your expression.

"Help… help please… my son- oh- it burns…"

Your feet stopped suddenly, almost falling face first to the ground as you felt one of those monsters cling to your arm like an old woman crossing the street with a helper, looking at you with tears flowing down her cheeks, murmuring things you wouldn't understand if you weren't able to read lips, her hand went higher and higher, absorbing your body in a kind of wrestling-like lock-hug.

If you could you would pinch the bridge of your nose, you started to struggle with the woman, she started screaming the further you got away from her, you cursed silently when you couldn't get her off. This was it, the only thing that bothered you about seeing strange things was that they clung to you as if you were some kind of helper or salvation, you are not a saint, you are not a savior, you were nobody, but they kept coming to you like bees to pollen.

"Looks like you need some help"

You turned your head slowly, dramatizing the side eye you gave to that familiar voice, you heard by chance because of the song change and the small silence, but you could feel his presence for miles. Your frown deepened as you saw the albino look at you with a smile, oh, not only did you have to deal with these curses on your own, as if that were not enough, being one of the few people capable of perceiving these things certain people became interested in you. Sorcerers, it was funny, you didn't believe in magic until you saw this albino lunatic exorcise a curse in front of your eyes, even though you were somewhat skeptical, you refused to attend his institute, but they kept showing up to persuade.

"No, I can take care of this."

"Aw sure, go ahead then, I want to see how you do it."

This time you didn't listen to shit, but his shit eating smile told you everything you wanted to know, you started to struggle with the cursed woman again, it didn't work until you started talking to her. You found it was easier if you tried to give comforts to the poor cursed souls, and you had to do it reluctantly on these types of occasions, removing your headphones for greater concentration. You were terrible at comforting people, so it was like an uphill climb to get that curse to leave you alone.

"And that was ten minutes, you could have done it in twenty seconds if you knew how to use cursed energy."

"Just get lost, I already said no."

"We are offering you free knowledge, how can you refuse it?"

"Aren't public schools there for that?"

"There are no exorcization courses that I know of."

You rubbed your face desperately, you didn't want to learn sorcery, you didn't want to get in trouble, you didn't want to have to comfort anyone, you wanted your simple life, helping your parents, studying, getting a decent job. What kind of future would guarantee you knowing how to control that cursed energy? Clearly nothing good.

"I'm going to put it another way… you attract cursed energy, until now you have been lucky enough to find desperate souls in search of comfort, but what will happen when something much worse is stalking you? Something that seeks blood, your blood."

"Then I'll die, isn't it obvious?"

You raised your thumb with a sarcastic smile, you were too tired to continue a conversation, unfortunately Gojo's next words resonated in your head like a scratched record.

"What if they were your parents? They will not be safe by your side, as I said you attract bad energies."

A lump formed in your throat, letting a shaky breath escape your lips, he watched in silence as he had managed to hit your weak spot, your family, it was something you wouldn't change for the world, they were people who would die for you without a second thought, and just like them, you would give your life for them, they showered you with love and affection, the least you could do was protect them from your own problems.

As annoying as it was to give Gojo an affirmative answer, you had to swallow your pride for a greater reason, and just a week later you were already making the move. Covered as a kind of “Erasmus”, your parents were happy that you were going to explore and meet friends on your own, you wanted to tell them that you didn't want to go, that they would refuse to allow that decision, but that wasn't the case.

Then began what seemed like torture for you, as if you had fallen into a spider web and the more you struggled, the more you got caught in the webs. It was strange, everyone there seemed to have knowledge about who you were and where you came from while you were completely uninformed, it felt strange to be greeted so warmly by unknown people, inside you it was stressful to receive such a degree of attention, but you kept your expression unfazed.

You were like an extension of Megumi, only less expressive and definitely more stupid, you had no thoughts beyond your lost eyes staring into space, nothing made you flinch, nothing made you laugh, nothing made you have a hint of emotion that wasn't nervousness or tiredness. And yet the three first-year students, your classmates, could hear how you tried to drown out your nightly sobs, longing for your home and your family, how you secretly laughed lightly when you saw something stupid on your phone. Why didn't you want to share your emotions with them? Weren't they good enough for you?

You don't know what you triggered by strictly trying not to get emotionally close to people who from one day to the next could be in a grave, just because you couldn't stand it, just because you couldn't stand giving up more parts of your little heart to have them break later.

Itadori started to stick to you like a sticker, are you going for a walk? He needs to stretch his legs, do you want to laze around? He too! He is new to this world of curses like you, so he thinks it is better that you help each other in the face of complications and training. The first time he saw how a curse clung to you for comfort it almost gave him a seizure, he would never think he would be able to exorcise something so quickly, it worried him how used you were to being 'attacked' like that constantly and it only increased his worry, he needed to keep you safe from this dangerous world, it was a promise.

Megumi felt sorry, unlike him you had a normal and happy family, people to turn to, a little envious, he wasn't going to lie, but he tried to make you as comfortable as possible, maybe a little too paranoid about your well-being now that you were a novice unwilling to learn, he felt like he was your big brother, he wasn't going to take an eye off you even for a second, you could get hurt or worse and he had already experienced the bitter feeling.

Nobara was persistent that you open up to her, after all girls should be close, maybe she got too obsessed with that phrase when she watched suspiciously as Itadori dragged you to do something stupid ─against your will but without the energy of to refuse─ and you weren't going with her to have a snack or shopping, she felt a pang in her heart, what if she's not there and something happens? She doesn't trust anyone to take care of you, everyone is inept in her eyes.

Gojo proclaimed himself your fake father, no matter how hard he tried, he would in no way replace the real one, but if he wanted to play the family game you would let him if that made him happy. His attitude was the one that bothered you the most because it made you look like a helpless person at his side, he made you look like you needed him to take care of you. You accepted being the weakest link, but you could fight your own battles, especially after discovering some of your abilities, but he wouldn't allow it, you're too adorable to let go.

After some tests, missions and training, they discovered that your cursed energy acted like an antenna, attracting all curses that wanted to be forgiven or sought freedom. You were cursed with the 'gift' of forgiving and freeing from torture curses that wanted to cease to exist, and you acted as a peacemaker on some occasions. Luck was definitely not on your side or it was kicking you for having laughed at so many other people's sorrows on the internet, couldn't you punch? Kicks? Do voodoo? Summon shikigami? No, you had to pat and release cursed souls.

You didn't have enough suffocating attention from the sorcerers that you also had to have that from the curses. You were going to look for the old woman who cursed you the day you entered her store in another life and you were going to sacrifice her in the name of barbatos.

"Hey there you were! We're going out to dinner, are you coming?"

Nobara opened your door without knocking, you didn't stop looking at the ceiling while you lay motionless in your bed, you shook your head slowly in denial, you weren't in the mood, you were never in the mood.

"Don't talk nonsense, there is no way you can stay here alone, come on, come on! Gojo will pay for everyone."

Itadori entered immediately, pulling your wrist to drag you, you slid off the bed like a dead body, looking blankly at the boy who was giving you a puppy dog look, it wasn't that that made you accept, but if you didn't accept you would pass more time arguing with them in a useless way. You had learned to accept your destiny, you had learned to stay still in that web, maybe if you manage not to move you can free yourself, just maybe.

"I'm glad you decided to accept! It is good to have bonding time with your classmates and teacher, it encourages communication."

You nodded, looking absentmindedly at your phone, scrolling through the screen without looking at anything in particular but not wanting to have to look at the albino's expression, he knew you were going to accept, he knew you were going to go with them because they wouldn't give you any other option. He put his arm around your shoulders dragging you towards the car while he chattered things that went in one ear and out the other.

"Will you sit next to me?"

" No way, she will sit with me!"

And the tug of war began between Itadori and Nobara over who you would sit next to, too stubborn to 'share' if you sat in the middle, they would prefer to be the only ones next to you, Megumi on the other hand was the smartest when entering the first, if he sat in the middle he would assure him that you would sit next to him, however, absorbed in the discussion, they did not notice how you moved towards the passenger seat, end of the discussion and the headache, now you just had to rack your brain thinking about how to solve the fight next to who you would sit at while eating without giving anyone the benefit.

Sometimes you think that you had to do something very terrible in your old life, something unforgivable and unimaginable to be punished right now, sometimes you think that the easiest thing would be to bang your head against the wall until you are stupid enough to have a caregiver and stop worrying about many things, now you had four caregivers but no concussion, for now.

[spngi]

My tears ricochet | mafia!carlos sainz jr x reader

Prologue | part 1

Part 2

summary: Mr. and Mrs. Sainz lived in a dream for many years, now everything is falling apart and they need to deal with their feelings

warnings: Grammar mistakes, mentions of violence, Carlos is an idiot, mentions of cheating

My blood boils; Carlos’s words repeat in an infinite loop in my head. My hands tremble with rage, and I press them on the table to try to contain the impulse to simply rip that smile off Carlos’s face.

“You wouldn’t do that “ my words come out slowly, trying to maintain the little patience I have left. “You can’t do this.”

“Or what? Are you going to threaten me now too, dear?” Carlos asks, his relaxed figure at the table and his tone full of irony.

I stand up from the table, and the chair scrapes loudly as it moves away. I look through the glass door at the inevitable: that woman in my house, lying on one of the loungers, wearing a bikini, as if she already belonged to this house.

I feel even more irritated, or perhaps sad. I feel invaded by all of this. I turn back to Carlos; I have the urge to throw all the objects in that room at him, to hurt him the same way he’s hurting me.

“She must be low enough to accept the role of mistress” I insult her in the end.

“She knows it won’t be for long” he replies.

“Well, I can agree with you… she won’t stay for long” I approach Carlos and lean in until I’m at eye level with him. “Pay attention to what I’m going to say, Carlos. I will always be your wife, I will be by your side whether you want it or not… this girl might be getting a bit of your attention now, but she will never be anything more than a fling because, at the end of the day, the only one who has the privilege of wearing this ring is still me.”

Carlos’s brown eyes watch me as I speak. He doesn’t bother to respond but seems irritated nonetheless.

“She will never be welcome in this house, Carlos… so spare her the humiliation and get her out of here as soon as possible!” I add, and before stepping away, I kiss the corner of his lips.

I don’t wait to see his reaction to the gesture; I quickly leave to distance myself from that situation before I lose control and throw that cheap model out of our house. I lock myself in one of the farthest rooms of the house and fight the strong urge to go back and throw the crystal candelabrum at Carlos’s head.

I sit on the floor at the foot of the guest bed, a pillow in hand to muffle my screams and the occasional sobs of crying. I couldn’t take it anymore; I couldn’t understand why Carlos was doing this to me.

Before the accident happened a few months ago, we were talking about starting a family, about filling this house with children. But after that day, everything changed.

I still have nightmares about how it all happened, how my car flipped several times on the road, the pain I felt, and the terror I experienced seeing all the armed men approaching me. Carlos managed to find me quickly enough so that no further harm was done; he stayed by my side throughout my recovery and tripled the security. But when I got better and asked him for revenge on those who escaped, he changed.

My fear had turned into anger, and I needed to know that those animals would never come back to hurt me, I needed to know that I had killed them with my own hands. But he never agreed with that; it led to many discussions and arguments. He never wanted to give in, even with his father’s words supporting me, Charles’s, Lando’s, and some other allied family heads. He promised he would do the job himself, that he would never leave any of them alive, but he didn’t understand that wasn’t what I needed. And when I went against his will, when I got what I wanted, everything began to fall apart.

The door opens in front of me, bringing me back to reality. I see Lando enter the room; it’s not the first time he has found me here. This room had become a hiding place for me, so I could hide during crises or just cry without being heard.

Lando walks into the room. I point to the dresser near him, and he smiles slightly. He opens the last drawer, already knowing where I hide my things. He pulls out a bottle of bourbon and a glass.

“I’m giving you a break today. Drink with me” I try to smile at him “and grab one of those cigars too, I need my complete pity party.”

“How are you?” he asks in the end, sitting next to me and spreading the items on the floor.

“Terrible” I pour the drinks. “Is she still out by the pool?”

“Yes. If it’s any consolation, Charles and I asked the staff not to take any orders from her.” Norris says, and the gesture makes me a bit happy to know that I can still count on him.

“Thank you, Lando, you’re a good friend. And Charles too, is he upset about what I did yesterday?”

“He understands, Y/N.” Lando offers me the lighter so I can light the cigar.

“You know what annoys me?” I ask him between puffs. “If the situation were reversed, the man who dared to step into this house would already be dead. Carlos wouldn’t think twice about doing it. And I could never live with myself knowing I did that, even though now I can think of a thousand ways to do it to her.”

“You’re a good person, Y/N. You know that, and Mr. Sainz knows it too… he’s just trying to challenge you or whatever his game is.”

“I don’t know if I still have the strength to play, Lando” I murmur to him, the alcohol in my mouth calming me.

“You know I’ll be here by your side, whether you want to continue or if you want to give up… you’re my friend, Y/N, I will always support you”

“Thank you, I hope I can repay all your support someday” I smile at him and pass the cigar to him.

“Does Mr. Sainz know you stole these from his collection?” Norris asks and takes a drag on the cigar.

“He can go fuck himself” I murmur and take a sip of the drink.

One more chapter! I hope you guys are enjoying it!

Leave your comments and opinions ❤️

[ieatstarsforaliving]

The Origin (1)

Summary: How you and Hazel and the fight club started. Also Hazel's Spider-Woman. But you don't know that.

Pairing: Spider-Woman!Hazel Callahan x Classmate!Reader

Warnings: Mature language, use of (Y/N), mentions of bruises and cuts, Idk what else

Word Count: 1508

Note: It's literally my first post. It may suck. I don't care. I don't get paid for this. I hope you do enjoy though, cause there's not enough Spider-Woman Hazel Callahan fics out here. Love yall - Bia <3

“You got paired up with (Y/N) for the ‘women murdered in history’ project?” 

Hazel nodded at Josie’s question. She had just left Mr. G’s class with PJ and Josie where he had introduced a new project to create a diorama based on a famous woman who was murdered. The partners were chosen by random, and to Hazel’s horror, she was paired up with you. 

Who just happened to be Hazel’s crush for 4. fucking. years.

Hazel had many moments of crises in her 18 years of life, which included getting bitten by a radioactive spider during sophomore year at a school field trip to the science fair, getting caught by Josie and PJ’s spider-trap (Where PJ wanted to catch Spider-Woman for her youtube channel with a net, and she actually managed to?) and Hazel had to reveal her secret identity, and her mother’s recent divorce with her minor-fucking, emotionally unavailable father. 

But none of them made Hazel as frantic as being paired with you for a school project. 

“Thats fucking amazing,” PJ said in jealousy. “How come that never happens with me and Brittany? I got paired up with that one emo kid who probably wants to blow up the school.” 

Hazel groaned, leaning her head against her locker. She was already tired from last night’s fight with a local bank robbery, which led to her face scratched and bandaged up today. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she was going to impress you. 

“Okay, well, you don’t look very happy considering you’re like, obsessed with her,” Josie commented. She was well used to Hazel’s constant remarks about how pretty you looked during class or how you made eye contact with her for 2 seconds. 

“I’m fucked. I just get so nervous around her,” Hazel replied, anxiety seeping out from her voice. “I have never really had a conversation with her other than, ‘hello’. If I can’t even talk to her properly, how am I going to do a whole project with her?” 

PJ rolled her eyes. “Hazel, why are you so worried? You literally swing down tall ass buildings and beat up tall ass criminals, and you can’t even talk to a girl that you like? Didn’t your spider powers give you like, enhanced everything?” 

“I’m pretty sure the whole point of Hazel’s secret identity is for you to not talk about it out in the open, PJ.” 

“I’m just saying, if I saved the neighborhood every night wearing a red and blue spandex lady gaga suit, I’d be getting so much puss right now.” 

The two continued to bicker as Hazel sighed. PJ was right. It was just a project. It wasn’t a big deal, it was only for a week, and she was certain you were straight anyways. All she had to do was just man up and talk to—

“Hazel?” 

Hazel jumped, turning around from her locker to see you standing with an alluring smile on your face. You wanted to talk to your project partner before the start of next class, who seemed to be very stunned at the sight of you. She looked like a puppy, with her widened blue eyes and her tousled brown hair. 

Hazel blinked rapidly and clutched her notebook, barely managing to reply with a small, “Hi.” 

“I don’t know if you remember me. I’m (Y/N),” You introduced yourself, starting to offer your hand but retracting immediately because you realized that you’re a high schooler and that it’s probably lame to shake hands in this day and age. “I’m partnered up with you for Mr. G’s class—” 

“-Yeah, I know who you are. (Y/N),” Hazel said, almost too quickly, causing her friends to hold in their laughter. “Mr. G’s project. Yeah– I can work on it. All of it, if you want.” 

“No, of course not, we can work on it together,” You laughed, before recognizing all the injuries on Hazel’s face. “By the way, you’re pretty bruised up. Are you okay?” 

Hazel instantly touched her bandages, feeling a bit embarrassed at her state. 

“’m fine. I just fell.” 

You frowned, staring intensely at Hazel’s face. “I don’t think you can get these cuts from falling.” 

“Well, some of them are from falling and some of them aren’t...” Hazel trailed off as you came closer, your face filled with genuine worry. You knew Hazel wasn't exactly popular, but you didn’t know she was bullied. Hazel slowly backed away, her heart beating out of her chest as her back made contact with her locker. 

Hazel's Face started to burn up, turning to Josie for help. Josie stuttered, “This is nothing, she just– she’s part of this— this club, and—”

“A club? What kind of club fucks up her face like this?” You interrupted, your hands reaching out and brushing Hazel’s bangs out of the way, carefully examining the bandages. “Is it like a fight club?” 

“Yes!” 

“No–” 

“-More like a women’s self defense club?”

You looked at the three girls who’ve provided different answers all at the same time.

PJ spoke up first. 

“Yes, we absolutely do have this club where girls fucking beat each other up and shit for… feminism. So that we can teach girls how to protect themselves from the evil male football players.” 

“You know how to fight?” You asked, staring at PJ who barely had any muscles.

“Yes. Because, We… went… to… juvie over the summer.” 

You blinked.

“...There’s also a serious lack of female solidarity in this school,” Hazel stiffly added. 

“Right. Okay, that’s fine, I guess,” You accepted. “Could I join?” 

“Yes. Absolutely!” PJ exclaimed, her face lighting up immediately. “You could bring your friends too. You know. Specifically your cheerleader friends. Specifically Brittany and Isabel.” 

Before you could question why specifically Brittany and Isabel, the bell rang to inform the students for the start of next class. 

“Okay, here—” You took the notebook Hazel was holding and quickly scribbled your number on one of the pages. “Message me so we can talk about the project. And the club. Is that okay?” 

You handed the notebook back as Hazel nodded, in denial that you just gave her your fucking phone number. You waved before running off to your next class, feeling happy that you had made a new friend. (haha friend…)

Meanwhile, Josie was losing her mind. 

“PJ, what the fuck are you doing?” 

“This is absolutely perfect!” 

“No, it’s not, PJ— we don’t have a feminist women’s self-defense fight club. You also don’t care about feminism. Your favorite movie is Entourage.” 

“Okay, first of all, shut up, and second, we can just make the club now, obviously. Come on– I just created the perfect opportunity for all of us to talk to Brittany, Isabel, and (Y/N)!” 

“Hazel, please tell PJ that she’s insane,” Josie turned to Hazel. 

Hazel grinned and said; 

“She gave me her number.” 

Josie groaned. “Congratulations! But we have a bigger problem now. We don’t know how to defend ourselves!” 

“Self-defense is common sense. You try to punch me in the face. I stop it from happening. Whatever, I don’t care, it’s easy,” PJ shrugged, holding a MMA fighter stance and started throwing air punches. 

“Yeah, maybe for Hazel, who literally has the… spider tingles? Hazel tingles?”

“Please do not start calling it Hazel tingles.” 

“And let’s not forget, you literally have superhuman strength,” Josie cautioned. “If we do this— very big if, we just run the biggest risk of exposing you and your spider identity. One wrong punch and you’ll send a girl to the hospital.”  

PJ turned to Hazel and grabbed her by the shoulders. 

“Hazel, listen to me. We teach a bunch of girls how to defend themselves against the evil high school fuckboys. They are grateful to us. Adrenaline is flowing— next thing you know, Isabel, Brittany, and (Y/N) are kissing us on the mouths!” 

Hazel paused. “I don’t know. Like Josie said, it’s a huge risk. The last thing I’d want to do is put (Y/N) in danger.”

A sardonic smile played on PJ’s lips. She tapped on Hazel’s notebook.

“Hazel, she gave you her number.”

Hazel stood, her mind racing once again. PJ’s idea of starting a self-defense club was dangerous, she knew that. She would be gaining attention all while showing off her fighting skills, which is what she had been hiding for years. Josie’s warning echoed in her mind. But then she remembered the way you had looked at her, with darling concern in your eyes when you asked about her injuries. She hadn’t had anyone worry for her like that in a while. 

Hazel took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“Okay?” Josie cried.

“She said okay! It's an okay! We’re doing this!” PJ screamed, grabbing Hazel’s hand and pulling her towards the school’s office to create the club. “We’re going to lose our virginities this year! This is the year!”

“Okay, but who’s going to be crazy enough to even advise this club?” Josie yelled after them, but the two were long gone.

Next Chapter: The Fucking Fight Club

[clockwayswrites]

A Broken Sort of Normal Part 12

WC:1376, Masterpost

“Danny, come on,” Wally said, laughter clear in his voice. “There will be time to stare at the stars after.”

“But Flash, space,” Danny said with what he would readily admit as a whine as he motioned to the expansive view of space with earth floating in the bottom of the window. Danny didn’t know if the Zeta tube had been exactly worth the trip (he had nearly had a panic attack), but the view made a pretty compelling argument. The urge to go intangible and phase through the acrylic to be in space was so strong that Danny didn't even dare touch the window.

“But your meeting, Danny. Flash is going to be waiting for you, and you how how us Flashes get.”

Danny sighed but turned away from the window with one lingering look.

“Go and be great. After we can stare at space some and, maybe… if you’re up to it, meet some of my friends?”

“Like the infamous Nightwing?”

“Shush,” Wally said, placing a finger to his lips. “He’s like Beetlejuice, you might summon him just by saying his name.”

“Pretty sure you need to do that three times,” Danny pointed out, following Wally to the door.

“Oh yeah? You up on ghost lore?”

“Oh, yeah, I’m an expert,” Danny said dryly. If only Wally knew.

(Well, then Danny would be dead.)

“We can watch it next date night. Right now, you go be awesome, hero.”

“Flash, you really cannot call me a hero when we’re in the Justice League base.”

“Can and will, now go, hero,” Wally said, shooing Danny down the hall to where Barry was waiting.

“Gonna give me any hints about what’s going on?” Danny asked the older Flash once they had started walking.

“Just to be yourself,” Barry said. “You’re a good person and you know what you’re doing out there in the field. I wouldn’t’ve recommended you for this otherwise. And I meant what I said, your ability to take no crap is part of why I did. You don’t have to take any crap from anyone in there either, no matter who they are.”

Who they were turned out to be many of the founding members: Batman, Wonder Woman, Superman, and of course Flash… Flash who really thought too highly of him. (What was with the Flashes doing that?)

There were also three other people not dressed in supersuits, who Danny figured were there for the same reason he was. Whatever that was.

“Flash,” Superman said with a nod to the hero and then a smile to Danny. “And you must be Mr. Fenton.”

“Just Danny is fine, thank you for the invitation,” Danny said, shaking Superman’s hand, continually reminding himself not to use any of his strength all the while.

“Of course, have a seat. We’re just waiting on… well, never mind,” Superman said cheerfully as the Martian Manhunter swept into the room. (Danny help back the excite squeak he wanted to make.) “J’onn.”

“Superman. Am I late?”

“Just on time. We can go ahead and get started.”

Everyone settled around the table, the normal people waiting for the heroes to take their preferred seats before settling together on the other side over the oval table.

“Thank you all for coming here today,” Wonder Woman said with a warm smile. “As you know, we’ve asked you here today based on your capabilities. Specifically, to help us build an emergency response team that can act in aid of crises the Justice League responds to.”

“We’ve already been doing this in some places at the city level,” Barry said, leaning forward. His hands were clasped on the table. Danny knew from experience that it was just so that he didn’t fidget from having to sit still. “Central City has been operating with our own set up for two years now and we’ve seen huge success in both lives saved, but also a bigger level of overall personal safety during attacks. People are getting out of the way faster, safer, and more often than before.”

“So we’re looking to do the same thing on a bigger level and we’d like your advice,” Superman said. “Right now, you’re here as consultants and will be paid for your time. Assuming we all work well together, you’ll have a chance to sign on once things are officially underway.”

Danny raised his hand.

“You can just talk, Danny, this isn’t school,” Flash said.

Danny felt a blush crawl up his cheeks and sat up straighter, stylus tapping nervously against his tablet. “I know this is putting the cart before the horse, but you can’t need us all the time. If we choose to sign up, will we still be able to work our current jobs? I don’t want to abandon Central. I mean, not that they can’t do without me, I have great coworkers, but it’s… you know, home.”

“A noble want,” Wonder Woman said. “The reality of it would depend on the level of administration work you are in charge of, but no. You should be able to continue working in Central and be on call for other emergencies, or that is our assumption. You all are the experts, though, which is why you are here. Perhaps introductions are in order?”

“Brent Green,” the one furthest from Danny cut in without hesitation. He was the most formally dressed of all of them, suit jacket and all, and had that air of superiority that made Danny want to bristle. “Director of Star City’s emergency response team.”

“Debra Day,” the woman next to Danny said next. There was a southern twang to her words. “Thirty years of search and rescue experience, ex Coast Guard, currently focused on instruction.”

“Leo Klein, they/them,” the last said. “Emergency management and prevention training.”

“Danny Fenton.” He felt out of place compared to all the other skill sets. “Team lead and field medic in Central City.”

“And I’m sure you know us,” Superman said with a chuckle. “Now, what are your thoughts.”

“First we have to establish a system of hierarchy and devision of labor,” Brent said, once again jumping in before anyone else. “It is important to know who has right away in the field.”

Danny resisted the urge to raise his hand again and took the chance of Brent pausing to speak. “Those are all good thoughts, but you’re getting ahead of things. Cities and countries will already have established teams, even if it’s just police and fire fighters. Are you all wanting us to come in and work with them? Ahead of them? Under their leadership? When we started in Central there were a lot of accidental hurts because the two sides didn’t sit down and talk enough at first, and this is on an even bigger scale.”

“He’s right,” Debra said. “The National Guard could be a good model both for the US, but also for any other nations you might want to explore into to see how things are handled there.”

“And you’ll need to get started on PR right away no matter the choice,” Leo said, leaning forward ad engaging now. “Like Danny said, it’s easy to step on toes and we don’t want to do any of that.”

Brent was frowning, slightly, then sighed and nodded. His shoulders relaxed a little. “No, good points. PR for the citizens too, to know to look out for us. We could get feed back on what worked in the cities with teams set up.”

“And places that have seen attacks outside of there. It’s easy to focus on big cities, but smaller towns and rural areas still can see attacks and have different needs,” Danny added to considering nods.

Now that they were all working together, Danny felt himself relaxing too. There were a lot of nerves for most people to get over working with heroes, Danny guess. Even he wasn’t immune to caliber of people that they were in the room with and he ate dinner with the one at least once a month.

Also Batman seemed to be watching him.

Well, whatever, talk was flowing easily now. They’d get their feet under them. They’d have to if they wanted this to work.

-----

AN: And some food for all of you here too! Danny learns why he's at the Watchtower! And manages to not be too distracted by space- a true accomplishment.

Sorry if there are more issues than normal, my letter swapping/word salad has been a bit bad lately. And I've really messed up my one finger ;-;

But anyways! Slower part but next chapter.... nightwing. Dundundun Stay delightful, darlings!

I no longer tag, but you can subscribe to the master post!

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

I just read the article you posted a while back about TB (heads up- it said the gift article link has lapsed or some such). Did J&J ‘evergreen’ (be allowed to be evil) or was it allowed to become generic?

Relatedly, how do you manage empathy fatigue? I deal with OCD too and it screams at me that I have to care about and do all the things all at once. How do you choose where to put your time and energy?

(Also, when I get the coffee subscription for my husband’s birthday, which version should I get?)

For me empathy fatigue sets in when I careen my attention from this crisis to that one to the next one to the one after that, always feeling overwhelmed by each emerging problem but never having the time or attention to devote myself to one problem or another.

I'll give you an example. In 2014, a horrific ebola epidemic swept through Guinea, Liberia, and Sierra Leone. The world paid attention to it. Everyone was talking about it. And then .... it ended. At least in the global imagination. Money dried up. The world moved on to the next crisis.

That's not to say the next crisis wasn't important. It was important. But in Sierra Leone, the ebola crisis wasn't really over even after people stopped contracting ebola. 15% of Sierra Leone's healthcare workers had been killed by ebola, and the already fragile healthcare system plummeted into what one Sierra Leonean physician described to me as "a state of collapse."

And so the crisis remained a crisis even after the world's attention shifted. 1 in 17 women in Sierra Leone were dying in childbirth. Over 10% of kids born died before the age of five. Tuberculosis killed thousands every year despite curative treatment being available.

And this is when Hank and I finally, belatedly realized that responding to crises in the news was not adequate. Instead, we would need to commit the kind of long-term attention and long-term support that long-term crises demand. This means making difficult choices--there is also high maternal and child mortality in countries other than Sierra Leone, but we choose to focus on Sierra Leone because we see an opportunity to make a difference, because the government is serious if limited in its commitment to improving healthcare and educational opportunities, and because we had to make a choice or else we would be overwhelmed by the many causes.

What about the other causes? Well, we trust people to work on those causes. We believe in their importance. And we support their work by doing ours as well as we can, and trusting they are doing theirs as well as they can. I still get overwhelmed. I still get depressed. But I find that the deeper I go into my particular areas of interest--global healthcare delivery, health care accessibility, ending TB, fighting maternal mortality--the better I feel personally, and the more good I feel like I'm able to do.

2. Johnson & Johnson has not abandoned their secondary patents on bedaquiline but they have committed to allow generics to be available in most countries, even those where the secondary patents apply. Unfortunately this deal leaves out many countries that need generic bedaquiline, including Ukraine, which is absolutely unacceptable. So progress has been made, but the progress (as is so often the case) is inadequate. The fight goes on.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for getting upset at my best friend for calling me a hoarder in passing?

My (29NB) best friend (also 29NB) have been going through major crises lately at the same time—we will call them Sun. So, yesterday, they sent me a text, when we weee talking about how they haven’t wanted to be over at my house for a while, mostly bc they don’t like my partner…although the subject was in discussion bc my partner and I are splitting up, and I will be living alone again in a couple months. At some point in this discussion, they mentioned the more pressing matter that’s caused them not to be over as much is that they are very allergic to one of my cats—but only the one I just adopted a couple years ago, they’ve had no allergy issues w the other one and they love her very much, she is their niece.

However, at one point, they mentioned that a few years ago, when I was using drugs a lot more irresponsibly than usual—to the point where I got injured from falling down the stairs—they had been speaking to my other close friends. Which is appreciated, and I knew about this already obviously since there was an intervention that happened around that time…the way they mentioned this was upsetting. Specifically, they mentioned that “they approached [other friend of mine] about my drug use bc they thought I was becoming a hoarder” and that MAJORLY triggered me—specifically the hoarder comment. The woman who gave birth to me/raised me is a hoarder, which is a well known fact to just about anyone who is close to me irl, especially anyone who’s known her irl, and ESPECIALLY Sun, who worked as her caregiver for quite a while. Also being compared to/told I am just like my abusive egg donor is the thing that will hurt me the most, bc she is the most cruel, manipulative, abusive people I’ve ever had in my life.

So the thing is, my house is indeed very messy…I have too much junk around, and it’s very difficult for me physically to keep anything clean. It’s actually one of the reasons I’m separating from my partner, and as ashamed as I am about it, I understand. However, it’s not a hoarding disorder at all—I don’t hold onto anything I don’t need out of sentimentality, and if I could wave a magic wand and simply get rid of all the extra shit I don’t need/make everything nice and clean, I would. Unfortunately, I am very disabled with too many chronic pain/fatigue conditions, and actually cleaning the house/sorting through shit to get rid of takes immense physical effort. But whenever someone offers to help me, I jump at those opportunities! I take things to be donated all the time (if I’m able to sort through the stuff that needs to go) and it’s entire worlds different than my egg donor refusing to give up several bins of my baby clothes bc she can’t bear to part with them, despite them never seeing use in her possession ever again.

So, I responded to Sun’s mention of a past conversation thinking I’m a hoarder, with offense and saying it hurt me. We had been discussing just downsizing and how we will be going through my stuff as we pack for the new place, and had mentioned that I should make sure to get rid of certain clothing things if they have holes/are worn out/whatever, which to me, sounded like they think I have a hard time throwing clothes away even if they’re not even wearable anymore. With that and the hoarding accusation in mind, I told them I was very hurt by this. I made sure to be respectful and kind yet assertive, but after explaining how this was an unfair assumption/description of me, they got upset and said I should’ve asked for clarification before coming at them.

Now, do me, I wouldn’t have even considered they meant anything other than how I interpreted it, so it would never have even occurred to me to ask for clarification if I’m not even aware there’s a miscommunication. Apparently, the reason they mentioned getting rid of clothes that have been too worn out is an issue they have themselves, but this isn’t anything I was ever aware of, and once again never would’ve thought was referring to anyone but me. They also say they’re aware that it’s my physical difficulties that make cleaning physically painful for me…but honestly, that’s not anywhere near the same as having a hoarding disorder, which is indeed what they’d accused me of.

Of course, I know the both of us overreacted—me, being offended about being accused of being a hoarder (especially since my immense difficulty cleaning the house is part of why I’m separating from my partner and is therefore something I’m incredibly sensitive about right now) and them, being offended that I took what they said wrong and being upset over some things they didn’t actually intend w what they said…but I’m just not sure if maybe I AM in the wrong here, for expressing being hurt by being called a hoarder here, or if I really am making the entire thing a big deal out of nothing.

So, AITA for voicing my offense at being called a hoarder?

What are these acronyms?

[playertwotails]

Okay I got Kitsune Tails AU on the brain lately and I just had a really funny idea involving Blaze.

In case you don't know what I'm taking about you can find links to all 3 posts so far here on my master list post, this one will be #4 though it's not really connected to the other 3 so you don't have to read them to understand this nonsense my brain conjured.

But moving on.

So what if when Blaze first met Sonic and Tails she immediate clocked Tails as a Kitsune. Like in her dimension they're not common but well known enough that most of the general populace has at least heard of them. So she just sees Tails and just in her mind is just "oh Sonic's best friend/brother is a kitsune, cool"

The only thing that confuses Blaze a bit is when Sonic refers to Tails as his little brother cause like ??? she's not blind, he clearly has two tails, but some are known to be more child like until at least their 3rd or 4th tail so maybe that's what they mean, maybe????

This all comes to a head when she lets it drop one day that Tails is a Kitsune. Like they're just all talking, maybe about how Tails' tails let him fly (another kitsune au theory here about that), and Blaze just says something like:

"Oh! It's because he's a kitsune!"

And everyone else just record scratch stares at her cause they don't really know what that is so like Sonic or someone is like:

"No he's a fox, wha...???? clearly he's a fox, what are you talking about????"

But Blaze just keeps going on like:

"Yeah but he's specifically a kitsune. He's already got his second tail too! :)"

Cue just everyone being like

"wait..hold up..pause.rewind that. Tails isn't (I'm not) just a fox with a mutation???!! (I'M) HE'S JUST A DIFFERENT SPECIES OF FOX!!! FOR THE WHOLE TIME!!?!!"

And this is where Blaze has the 'Oh shit they didn't know' moment.

She then goes on to tell them everything she knows about them including the 'they live for 1000 years' part and now cue Tails' first of many midlife crises at the tender age of 8. (which they also have to explain to Blaze like "yeah he's 8 years old.....no we don't know how he got the second tail already he just came with it")

(I have this idea though that in Sonic's dimension kitsune fox's are incredibly rare to they point they're just thought of as myths, if someone's even heard of them to begin with. Or that they don't exist at all and Tails is actually originally from Blaze's dimension or some other dimension which is why he has no parents but has a family name, yet no one still seems to have any idea where he actually came from, but it's a universal constant he end up where ever Sonic is cause they're brothers and supposed to be together.So if there is no Sonic Tails gets yeeted to where there is one.)

[sugar-grigri]

What is this primal demon ?

I see many people suspecting this new primary fear demon as the fourth knight of the apocalypse: the death demon. After all, death is a fear that transcends all humanity, but also all species on earth, it does not have to be contextualized like the car demon with accidents as Makima had explained. Obviously there are too few elements to already guess what will happen (we don't even know the motivations of the knights of the apocalypse). The fact that it is the demon of death is correlated by the fear of Yoru but also by the mention of Yoshida who is very informed when he asks Denji to "erase" the demon of death. But... I am suspicious. Why? Because I rarely predict Fujimoto's writing correctly. The more obvious something looks, the more I'm tempted to question it. Especially another theme seems more and more omnipresent in this part 2 but also in part 1 and may seem incongruous.

But it is the economic context.  To guess the primal fear that this demon embodies, I paid special attention to what this couple said before they committed suicide: their last conversation revolved around buying a new car. And the last thing this guy said was literally "nice car".

If we go back a bit further, the economic context around the characters is constantly reminded: whether it's Denji telling Yoshida he's broke when Yoshida invites him to a coffee, Denji ripping off homeless people to pay for Nayuta's education, Denji making the chair for an absurdly small amount of money, Asa not wanting an expensive date. Not to mention part 1 in which poverty was a very important feature for Denji's development.

In short, I throw it out there: but aren't we facing the demon of the economic crisis? This new chapter is literally called "Prophecies". What today can't be predicted better than economic crises? The beginning of the chapter opens with Fami ordering a multitude of dishes symbolizing opulence (surely more a nod to the fear she represents as a demon since making the demon of famine a glutton is particularly funny). 

But what I find most interesting is that Fujimoto relies on a French prophecy (which I am honhonhon), which may facilitate the exact understanding of his text. In the French imagination, Nostradamus is a thinker strongly associated with the apocalypse or the end of the world. The demon of the apocalypse could be this demon but... I don't think it's that simple. The demon of the apocalypse is already represented through the 4 figures we know: famine, war, conquest and death. It is the addition of these four demons that form the apocalypse. Moreover in this chapter, Yoshida mentions that this threat of Nostradamus is mostly used to amuse young people, and is not taken too seriously in the current context except for the anti-demon public agents. The future of a demon is correlated to the fear that humanity has towards it. In 1999, humanity is no more afraid of the apocalypse than in any other year. In fact, they rarely think about it, being more focused on the near future like buying a car. 

Anyway, Nostradamus is controversial and his predictions are more the source of speculation than of proven predictions. The most rational commentators have even seen in it the announcement of an eclipse rather than the apocalypse, others the already visionary materialization of this new millennium. But I am surely mistaken but even if everything coincides with the prophecy of Nostradamus with these 23 agents who will surely die soon... The fact remains that I have the impression of facing a Trojan horse. Even if the prophecy explicitly mentions the arrival from the heavens (sypmbolized by those people jumping out of the windows) of the demon of terror, therefore of fear (the fear of being afraid), it remains that it would be great to sweep away this medieval prophecy. 

First of all because I think it's too early to put the demon of fear in place, or else the fourth knight of the apocalypse (death). I repeat, for me the demon of death does not have as an objective to be a smuggler, since it will always scare humanity no matter what happens. The fear it generates is a fact. What tickles me more is the year 1999: a year of economic crisis for Japan (here we go again!!! you see that I know how to return to the subject). I speculate obviously but while the West gets out of its crises this year, Japan sinks, it is the fall of the real estate. I still speculate, but people who literally fall from a building? The real estate sector collapsing? One could very well say that the fear of an economic crisis is not primary, since it is in itself a product of civilization. But the definition of a demon representing a primary fear does not hold in this: a primary fear of an element exists when this element does not need to be re-contextualized to frighten. An economic crisis does not need to be recontextualized to scare? What is common to Nostradamus or to our heroes of the 1999 generation is the rise of capitalism, whether Nostradamus was at the beginning of the Renaissance era and mercantilism, or the 90's with the brutal loss of the former communist blocks, including alternative systems to capitalism, just before the second millennium. 

The prophecies of Nostradamus break down into four verses even though they are in old French, as a French speaker, I will translate them as follows "In July 1999, a great and terrifying leader will come through the air to revive the great conqueror of Angoumois. Before and after, war will reign happily". Everything has been read in these four verses, whether it be the announcement of a third world war, the arrival of extraterrestrials, the return of the monarchy in France, the end of the world in the year 2000… The more "strict" and less sensationalist interpretations reveal that Nostradamus did not aim at a particular date in his predictions. This may seem contradictory but these predictions are in fact enigmas to be deciphered. In his introduction, Nostradamus specifies two principles of reading:

"non eft noftrum nofcere tempora, nec momenta etc": "it is not possible for us to know the date, nor the moment" in other words, one cannot fix a date with certainty to a future event because of "free will": "le libre arbitre".

The second principle is stated by Nostradamus, who specifies having written everything "in a nebulous form" and who will remain faithful to his other warning: "Let those who will read these verses study them carefully, let the profane and ignorant crowd not manipulate them and let all (…) the fools and the barbarians stay away from them". In other words: if a date appears in clear, it is to mislead the less informed readers.

Above all, according to the commentators, Nostradamus speaks especially about his time: "This quatrain of the most famous has been commented a thousand times, and presented, wrongly, as announcing the end of the World for the Year 2000. Passing under silence of historical references, however clear, like this "king of Angoumois", which place it in a very precise time, one often misses the significance of the "king of fright" known by the ancient astrologers. It is Saturn, the god who ruled on Earth, according to legend, in Latium, but whose planet carries the most ominous omens. He is represented in the iconography as an old man armed with a scythe. He is thus opposed to Jupiter, god of the benefactor gods, and logical "scepter bearer" in the Centuries" - Jacques Grancher, 1998. What this author sees in this prophecy is actually the death of the king in 1559.

Thanks to these often misunderstood astronomical precisions, we can therefore give a date to the central events of this quatrain: the year 1559, and not 1999. That said, we can also reconcile the different points of view by considering that the quatrain evokes 1999, but reminds us of the time of Nostradamus, thus making a link between the two periods. Indeed, Mars is understood as the Greek god of war (hi Yoru!!). 1999 is a year rocked by it, whether for the Kosovo war or the resumption of the war by Russia in Chechnya.

In other words, what the prophecy of Nostramadus really symbolizes is above all the speculation, the fear that can be egendered by a collective imagination. I find that this lends itself extremely well to this part 2 which seems to put more and more at the center of its story: the parasocial relationships, what it is to symbolize a hero, a legend, both feared and glorified by humans and by demons, the relational impact. For a part 2, which opens that people who care about what people will say? Why not set up the demon of economic speculation…? Or at least a demon of a contemporary fear even transgenerational. Aim further!!! (I went too far though)

[fipindustries]

got obsessed last night thinking about that "would you go back to being 5 if you had the chance"

the more i thought of it the more issues started piling up.

first of all i wouldnt be able to keep it a secret for long. the sheer shock of meeting my family young again, including dead relatives, would be too strong. also i dont think i could convincingly pretend to act as a five year old. so i would have to tell the truth to my parents.

would they believe me? well i would be able to prove that i have completly unreasonable knowledge for a 5 year old, advanced math, literature, computation, physics, plus knowing english fluently. worst case scenario i can predict 9/11 and eventually they would just kind of have no option but to believe me.

would i be able to get them to buy early stock on shit like google, amazon, youtube, facebook, etc? i dunno, we were a struggling family in argentina back then, i dont think they would have the channels available to do that. also our country was about to be hit by one of its worst economic crises ever so that would also suck a whole lot.

the problem that comes with this is if they tell other people, if the secret comes out id be genuenly terrified id be kidnapped by some agency of some sort and they would try to squeeze me for all my knowledge of the future. same reason i dont think i could contact anyone online about this, there are many people online i would like to have their feed back on my situation but i would worry that a mail or a call or a private message would get intercepted by some NSA like agency (did they even exist in the 90's??? who knows) and is back to the kidnapping. im not internet savvy enough to know of any way to securely send messages online, less of all how to do that in 98.

the other problem is that i would be aware of so many tragedies in my family that i would feel the need to do something about. like how do i break it to my parents that they will get divorced eventually? i know of a distant aunt that will die eventually but i dont remember the exact year so how can i prevent that? do i tell those other relatives that their first attempt at having a child is going to end on a spontanous abortion??? i know of a relative who ended up molesting another relative but it would feel weird to accuse them when they havent done anything yet and it would be a terrible blow to the family and there is a chance they wouldnt believe me. but also i wouldnt be able to hang out with that relative knowing what they will do and it would be massively awkward. and also, how can i look at the relative that got molested on the face if im not going to stop what theyre going to go through? i would be forced to interact with some many people in my family i dont talk to anymore.

do i tell my dad that he will get fired from his job? do i tell my mom what career she is eventually going to pursue? how would she feel about that? would she even go to that career? would i be controlling her life telling her what she is supposed to do?

if i try to re establish friendships with my friends early on the power imbalance would be ridiculous. i already know everything about them. it would be a different friendship if i am the one who pursues it deliberatly and tries to cultivate it on purpose rather than letting it bloom organically. also if i meet them too early on they might be entirely different people, and maybe due to my interference they never grow up to be the people i am familiar with. do i tell that evangelical christian friend that they will eventually become an atheist? do i tell that other "boy" that they will eventually become a girl? do i let that guy know they are gay? holy shit i know of so many of my relatives and friends of my mom that were still on the closet back then.

and on that topic. fuck me, would i have to essentially boy mode for huge portions of my life until i finally start to get some independence. this is the late 90's early 2000's in argentina we are speaking about. i dont think i would get my parents to respect the gender of their 5 year old kid. that would fucking suck balls. shit i probably wouldnt be able to watch porn any more! or masturbate! or be in a serious relationship for at least ten years and even then, again power differentials, i would be so much more mature and adult than any prospective partner with my body's age.

also going to school would be hell, i could probably know how to avoid being bullied this second time around but still i dont think i could avoid being ostracized because i am not going to change who i am just so a bunch of snot nosed little kids dont make fun of me. so that would also suck.

i wouldnt be able to see nothing new on tv, jesus christ. it would all just be shows and episodes i saw before. same in movies. i could probably catch up on some movies from the past i didnt get around to seeing yet. and would probably get to see a bunch of my favourite movies on theatres that i hadnt had the chance to see. but over all it would mean no new media for 25 years. no new games, movies, books, comics, tv shows etc.

also, of course there would be divergences, massive divergences. in fact the more time passes the more things will inevitable change due to my interference and at some point i would be living an entirely new life with no memories to be guided by and that would be terrifying on a whole new level because there would be a chance i end up in a worse place i was at the first time around. i was thinking that i could at least live happy and secure knowing that i was not going to die because i know nothing killed me the first time around but what if actually the first time around i had a bunch of brushes with death i wasnt aware of like a potential car crash or whatever that this time around i do end up in?

there are just far too many downsides honestly to be worth it

[psychicthepsychic-daily]

a really, really good angst/whump concept to explore with Psychic would be taking away his access to his powers, or severely limiting it. permanently.

Psychic is heavily reliant on his powers. we’ve seen this in the mod, and it’s been confirmed that although using his magic will drain away a little bit of his lifespan every time he lifts a finger, he doesn’t think about that and continues to magic away his problems freely and carelessly.

more than that, he IS his powers. Psychic’s very being depends on the existence of his energy, his magic. if his core is taken from him, he will simply be extinguished. this might seem to contradict my initial statement, but what I think would be interesting is not if we took away his core or destroyed it, but if we damaged it permanently. not enough to kill him, but to incapacitate him so he can’t use his powers without straining or hurting himself. this could potentially also cut down his lifespan by a good couple millennia depending on how it happens.

because he’s so accustomed to using his powers without worrying about any far-off consequences, I imagine Psychic would get himself hurt a lot before his boss intervenes, he finally gets the message, and he stops overusing his magic.

there’s a lot of potential for self-esteem issues and existential crises there too, if Psychic is suddenly faced with how fragile he really is, and how much he’s been using his magic. it might have seemed inconsequential at first; the events of Mind Games only took off two years after all, but Psychic had already sealed Spirit in the Hating Sim once before. he’s done similar things to many other people throughout his career. he survived hell because he had his powers. he’s one to use magic for the most mundane things. he's even reliant on telepathy to speak because he doesn't have a voice.

things like that build up over time. his magic is like a crutch. and suddenly he’s without that crutch, his inevitable death lurks in his peripheral vision, after so many years of believing he would be okay.

this is why it’s bad to be overdependent on things lol

[thegoeticcleric]

Introduction pt. 2

Hello, Tumblr, I'm officially stretching out here now!

I already keep a blog on another site, but this is just for the more taboo shit I'm into: spirit-spousery, agere, soft witchcraft, Christian mysticism and my own odd need to be ever closer to my deities and spirit friends.

As previously stated, I am Markus Gaines, you can call me MG if the other is too long. As of June 1st of last year, I am married to the ghost of my dead BF (now husband). I've touched on this on my other blog, but as I don't intend on connecting the two, I'll elaborate here.

I am a 22-year-old (23 in Dec.) eclectic witch living in the PNW. I am originally from Appalachia, Northern Alabama, to be exact, and I practice Appalachian folkcraft. I moved here after needing a change and trusting my deities at the time to provide, and they did not disappoint. Obviously.

I am a psychic, as well. I can see/feel/taste/hear/smell the spirit world just as well as I can the living. I've learned to astral project fully, or rather, my angel helped me by literally pulling me out. I've been testing the waters, and I like it so far. I have the hands-on healing gift, but I don't bring it to light that much. I am an energy worker, and a few other things, as well.

Since my arrival here, I have couch-surfed across many a haunted hellhole, had a few crises of faith, and married a ghost. Overall, 10/10, would do again!

I attend an Episcopal Church on Sundays and a local Pagan group every month. It took a bit to find the right balance, but I like what I've got. I recently began doing Altar Guild and also do Sabbat services at the pagan group.

All in all, my life here is pretty damn close to perfect. There has been some pushback by a few people who distrust my abilities, but they seem to be on their way out. Thankfully.

I am demiromantic/asexual. I'm not sex-repulsed, I just don't care for it.

My Husband's name is Leo Valdez Marie. We met when we were both sixteen, and it was fireworks from then on. He is a little, and I am his caregiver. Though it was hard at first, we made it work. I'll post an intro to him, as well, I just need to check with him.

[sparksinthenight]

Dear Dreyri,

I don’t usually write emails like this myself. I usually work behind the scenes at UNHCR, helping to raise the funds that keep our operations going on the ground. But I had to write to you today. Because I’m Lebanese. Because I’ve lost friends. Because I’ve lost colleagues. Because I worry for the safety of my family.

The past two weeks have been the deadliest and most devastating Lebanon has faced in decades, leading to a humanitarian catastrophe that the UN and UNHCR had repeatedly warned against, while calling for urgent de-escalation. The human toll is staggering, with at least 2,000 people killed and over 9,500 wounded since the start of hostilities in October 2023. This includes two of our beloved colleagues and one of their sons. But if you only know about Lebanon from what you’ve heard on the news, then let me tell you about my country. Lebanon is a nation of remarkable diversity, where various communities coexist. Its people are known for their exceptional hospitality and resilience, reflecting the deep cultural richness of the country. 

The Government of Lebanon estimates that in 1.2 million people are now displaced, including 1 million in just one week—an overwhelming burden for a country as small as Lebanon. Even before the escalation of this conflict, Lebanon was already hosting 1.5 million Syrian refugees—the highest number of refugees per capita in the world.

And even though Lebanon has faced many conflicts and crises over the years, my people are still looking after each other, offering shelter and sharing what little resources they have.

While the people of Lebanon are resilient, they are frightened and exhausted, experiencing increasingly intense attacks. Lebanese and Syrian families, desperately seeking an escape from the attacks are crossing the border into Syria, which has itself been ravaged by more than 13 years of conflict and economic collapse.

And that’s why I’m writing to you. The Lebanese people have provided support to those who need it in the past, but now they need heroes to help them. Here at UNHCR, we are doing everything we can to protect people in Lebanon. Please give your support too.

[vicekillx]

UPDATE: 2024

Usually I make these kinds of post around New Years, but this year I didn't really have anything to say. But now we're a month in and I definitely do.

I feel…different, this year. In a good way, I think. I feel like I'm tired of being complacent and riding coattails. This month has been a whirlwind of getting my shit in line. So far I:

handled two serious family crises smoothly and picked myself back up quickly from both

called my health insurance (phone calls have historically been an hours-long meltdown-inducing debacle for me) twice to switch my PCP because the previous one was consistently booked 3-6 months out and she just forgot to mention the inhaler I pulled out of my bag to show her at my first appointment so I couldn't get a refill on it or my nebulizer when I had COVID; that's been getting put off since August of last year

made an appointment with said new PCP for Feb 1, and I'm hoping they'll be able to refer me to a dentist and optometrist because I desperately need both

got back into therapy with an autism/ADHD specialist who can help me manage those specifically after my previous therapist didn't understand why I couldn't just Do It™; also have assessments lined up for both to get diagnoses

pay more attention to my health in general, including diet and exercise. I'm already down about 10 lb

restructured my planner to include a mood tracker and sleep tracker, and have been better about staying on top of it

got Trello up and running and so far it's working really well for me

have been doing my house chores more consistently, namely cleaning litter boxes and taking care of my snakes and tarantulas (roommates have been picking up my slack but they shouldn't have to, they're my animals)

am able to work more consistently on my designated work days; before it was a lot of chipping away and putting things off rather than sitting down and making actually decent progress

am finally starting a tattoo sleeve I've wanted for a very, very long time as a belated birthday gift to myself

am consistently filling stream sketch slots, which means I can actually make money and pay my bills on-time (and a huge, huge thank you to everyone who signs up, I'm pretty sure this is the primary reason I've been able to pull myself out of the hole. Financial stability is a hell of a drug)

This year I wanna try really hard to keep the train moving along this track. If things keep going the way they are, I could potentially make some pretty big changes in the not so distant future. Some things I'm brainstorming:

UnholyFans

merch other than stickers (seriously I have so many designs in mind, I just haven't had the drive to work on them or the upfront capital to order inventory)

more monster/demon adoptables

I would really like to collab with some other artists, it's been too fuckin long

website restructure

picking up my side business (I did literally zero pieces for it last year oof), ideally with a rebrand

get back into conventions and try some new crowds: reptile/exotic expos, tattoo conventions, oddities expos, sex conventions, BDSM groups…

push the stream setup to be more professional

rekindling the spark for my personal stories and headworld projects

more I have written down somewhere but can't think of off the top of my head

And to be clear, I'm optimistic, but also a realist. I know from experience that shit changes and I could hit a massive depressive slump in a month or two and be back to where I was for most of last year. I'm still not going to promise anything I'm not confident I can deliver. However, that doesn't mean I shouldn't try.

I already got sidetracked with this post, so I'm gonna make a second to get to my original point and I'll come back and add a link to this one when I do. But suffice to say I want to try - again - to breathe some kind of life back into my SubscribeStar. I have some ideas in mind, but I want to hear yall's opinions on it too.

Watch this space ♥

[drowsyr]

hiii friend anon back again with some Thoughts on steve and robin!!

last night my best friend and i talked about nothing and everything on a phone call for nearly 3 hours even though we both have cars and live 10 minutes away from each other. we have a spotify blend and i think in a modern au steve and robin would have one that's 95+% compatible!

robin definitely makes those wool/thread bracelet things on slow days at family video and puts them all on steve; later when steve's bored he unravels them so she can start again :)

steve and robin discuss getting hair changes to sort of make a new chapter of their lives; they end up shittily box dying their hair in streaks in robin's bathroom one day

steve's hair they make pink and robin's is green. later on when they have matching crises about gender and their lack thereof, they go "well! this sucks, we just dyed our hair and now we forgot to cut and style it first." so the next day they go to a proper salon and get it cut-and-styled and they redo the coloured strands at home!!

they steal steve's mom's dresses and steve's dad's suits and dress up in them and have their own little fashion show - neither of them sticks to one specific type of outfit, at one point robin comes out in strings of pearls cascaded around her throat and delicate golden chains tucked into the collar of the shirt of the suit she's wearing; next steve comes out in a blazer and a flared blue summer dress

then they have a slumber party and they are fine!! everything is fine and they are amazing!! until the point where steve says "wait, robin, i don't think i've ever loved anyone like that (romantically) before" and they have to figure that out.

this happens in the span of like two days in which the rest of the party doesn't hear a word from them and then they're completely shocked when the two turn in for their monday evening shift.

have a nice day!! :)

hiiii <3

i know for a Fact that stobin has friendship bracelets like if u ever read a stobin post from me just know they are also wearing friendship bracelets

i used to be a camp counselor for many years and i made many many bracelets… i feel like robin and steve like to have something to do during their movie nights like they can’t just sit there and so i feel like they make a LOT of these bracelets.

i’m torn btwn thinking that robin already knew how to make them (learned from her parents, who i believe would encourage family crafting time when she was little) and thinking that erica taught them (maybe even while they were in the elevator? i can’t remember if she had her backpack but also little girls have bottomless pockets so. plausible)

i know in my heart of hearts that when robin offered steve the first bracelet she made him he was like oh🥺cool🥺thank you robin🥺 and was like. thrilled tearing up etc.

i feel like they make matching lesbian pride flag bracelets as like a subtle way of supporting robin (robin had the idea to make one then got too scared to wear it out bc like. steve what if they know what it means what if they notice. and he’s like robin if they know what it means then what do you think that means about them. and she’s like but oh my god steve but what if!! so he’s like ok make me one we’ll have more matching bracelets :) and robin was like aww stevie… omg ok!!(they’ll make bi flag ones when steve realizes/comes out))

also sorry to focus so much on the friendship bracelets but one more thing 🫣 i feel like el would looove making friendship bracelets like she sees the matching stobin ones and goes fucking insaaane she makes them for everyone (starting with max and mike then making one for robin as a thank you for teaching her <3)

also yeah. when steve picked up dustin for the first time he mocked the shit out of him for the bad hair dye but then he found out that both of them did it to match and he was like yeah ok this makes sense. still looks you guys did this shittily tho.

stobin loooove the harringtons closet. first of all though they do make a million closet jokes it’s actually insufferable. but they love it <3 but the party do not like the fact that by now if the word closet is said in any context they look at each other muppet style and crack up

also yes their sleepover conversations are rollercoasters… like when you trust someone so much and want them to know all of you good and bad it’s so fast to jump back and forth between elation and serious conversation…the girls love to gab!! and sometimes that gabbing means confessing the deepest parts of yourself bc the most important person in your life needs to know the most important things about you!!

[annoyinglandmagazine]

My female Maedhros headcanons

I think I’m going to leave the names as they are because they already sound androgynous enough to me. She’s the sort of person who walks into a room and everyone starts deferring to her. She’s insanely beautiful but it’s more the way she carries herself than anything else. She’d probably wear the Valinor equivalent of stilettos and maintain perfect balance. She rarely raises her voice but she doesn’t need to. Her tone stays perfectly pleasant throughout all her discussions and it’s even more intimidating than her father at his angriest. When she’s talking or delivering a speech her word is final and she always comes across as the most reasonable person in the room no matter what point she’s making.

She’s obviously still about a foot taller than most other people and I’d say she probably has quite a slender build but is a lot stronger than she looks. She’s pretty practical about most things wearing simple tunics and training gear most of the time with her hair simply braided back from her face. Many people wish to court her but she’s usually too intimidatingly out of peoples league to even approach. It doesn’t help matters that she could definitely kick the asses of pretty much anyone in a sparring match. Despite this it’s practically a coming of age among the ellyns of valinor to go through a few years of being a blushing mess every time she’s brought up and she’s caused more than a few sexuality crises among everyone else. Another possible factor is something only her cousins and sisters have put together. They notice that after some of her sparring matches with other women she appears a little more flushed than expected from exertion, even for a redheads complexion. They see her gaze drop below eye level at banquets during the years where low cut bodices were in fashion. A hand lingering a little too long during an exchange of wine glasses. A slight stutter in response that would have been imperceptible if she hadn’t been so exceptional at thinking on her feet. Her family is the most important thing in the world to her. She worked on her diplomacy from a young age because she recognised father’s faults and knew that he would alienate everyone if he didn’t have anyone helping him. He is still the only person she has trouble disagreeing with as she doesn’t want any more conflict in her family and believes that it is her responsibility to make sure her sisters are looked after.

She spends a lot of her time keeping tabs on her younger siblings and they all feel like they can rely on her more than either of their parents. She keeps entire control of her actions at all times and feels like she can rarely show her true emotions even to her family out of a need to be a perfect daughter and not cause her parents anymore worry.

Feanor has always made a point of telling her that she can excel in whatever area she chooses no matter what people expect of her. He ensures she can compete in all the combat tournaments she wants and advocates for her place in the succession. He is very proud of her and loves her but never considers that she might be struggling as he believes she is as invulnerable as she pretends.

When the crown is passed to her after her father’s death no one raises a fuss about her being the first high queen as everyone feels safer with her in charge whether they’ll admit it or not. After Thangoridrim it effects everyone’s morale more than they’ll admit to see her show weakness even for a second as she had always seemed like the strongest among them. She had never experienced the sensation of absolute powerlessness before and inability to do anything to help her family and vows never to let it happen again.

She’s been respected and feared her whole life but as the years go on the fear becomes greater than anything else. She always had an edge but after Thangoridrim she strips away any softness that she grew to see as weakness and became colder and more distant as she loses more and more of her family from what she perceives as her own failures.