#i have a love/hate relationship with this game bc i've always been vaguely interested in it but not enough to actually try playing

[tryhardgwen]

omg my first platonic fic

this is a platonic showmaker & chovy (& faker) runeterra au with proplayers as league of legends champions (kindred). i used a lot of league of legends canonical lore and then spun it with my own ideas :]

idk how tumblr works again but i realize I can do a lot more long form messages here so I will probably use this blog to put my thought process about writing fics? i will put that below, but it has spoilers so if u wanna check it out probably read the fic first !!

named after the sleep token song:

i chose this song to name it after this not only because the obvious kindred relation with "the eyes of the wolf / the mouth of the lamb" but also because of the other lyrics!

"for so long I have waited / so long that I almost became / just a stoic statue fit for nobody" is very much the grey man coded.

"the vicious cycle was over the moment you smiled at me" would talk about the creation of the kindred, and lamb and wolf. they are each others escape.

"i know i know the way that it goes / you get what you give / you reap what you sow" well... kindred. they give death, and... ok imma stfu.

"and just like the rain / you cast the dust into nothing / and wash out the salt from my hands / so touch me again /i feel my shadow dissolving / will you cleanse me with pleasure?" i think speaks to the relationship between lamb and wolf again.

"nobody can say for certain / if maybe it's all just a game / when I open my eyes to the future / I can hear you say my name" is what I perceive to be the kindred and the grey man's relationship. :>

in the end notes i vaguely touch on the idea of the "LCK Mid" which I think is one of thee most interesting dynamics in lolesports. I've been wanting to write plat fics for a while to sort of explore. in my eyes the holy trinity of the lck mid would be faker, chovy, and showmaker. man I love them. also my grammarly keeps autocorrecting showmaker to shoemaker and its so annoying lmao.

but anyway they r SO INTERESTING! in this fic i tried to include a lot of parallels, from how showmaker as lamb knows more than chovy as wolf—because chovy hasn't won anything internationally unlike showmaker has. chovy's more hungry, because he hasn't won a world championship yet. not to mention their relationship with faker—each having a diff specialization and aspect of their gameplay. showmaker has said many times about how he doesn't want to be the next faker so i made him despise the grey man here. with faker as the grey man i again use the whole "alone at the top" trope because... oh my god I'm a sucker for that. he's got everything, but everyone hates him, and he is lonely. plus my ending + the cyclic nature of the world/of the esports... faker will always be there. it will always come back to him. there will be other midlaners, but its always faker at the end, or so it seems.

anyway! i had a lot of fun writing this fic. it was very challenging and out of my comfort zone because it was platonic and abt people I haven't written about before, and because its a lot more... abstract? it relies on parallelism and reading between the lines. idk. my brain is dumb. i am also dumb. i just vomit words on a google doc and pray for the best.

if anyone has more questions u can ask here on tumblr or on retrospring. please be nice bc again tumblr scares me. i am easily scared.

[nebucat]

the mere thought of even touching bo/tw again makes me want to dissociate for a week but i just might do it... for bobcut zel/da..

[thegeminisage]

🎈 ✨ for the meme!

🎈 - what’s a fic that you daydream about writing but haven’t?

ok anon, i have a lot actually so i'm gonna give you a top 5 list:

biggest one is a rewrite of the first fanfic i ever wrote, which was a HUGE 150k novelization of ocarina of time. actually, it was more of a bastardization (we called these adapts/adaptations on FFN at the time, to distinguish them from novelizations which stuck extremely closely to the source material). i had OCs, i killed off canon characters, i brought people back that should have stayed dead, it was a 14yo girl's first fic and a Whole mess...but it was the fic that got me into fic writing and i'll always love it. many years ago i tried to start a rewrite with my current adult-writer skills, but every time i've tried to get into doing that something has come up that meant it got put on hold. maybe one day...

i've had about 5 gazillion dragon age fic ideas but for some reason i only ever wound up posting little kmeme fills that have now been lost to the sands of time. so no PARTICULAR idea for this one, but one day i would be really happy to write and publish a proper dragon age fic, even if i would get crucified for whatever i write bc the dragon age fandom is just like that. idk, i just feel like it's one of the things i was MOST obsessed with that never wrung a proper fic out of me, so it leaves me with a weird unfinished feeling when i think about it that i'd really like to rectify someday.

(vague killjoys s5 spoilers for this one) ok so johnny from killjoys probably isn't actually aro but what if he really was aro. his whole thing in season 5 with the brainwashing and dutch made me NUTS. like does he love her or does he love her, you know? and i feel like if you're aro and you're literally incapable of that particular kind of love then being brainwashed into feeling that kind of love, along with blurring a really weird line to the person you're closest to, would be an extra level of mindfuckery on top of all of the rest of it. idk, i always really liked dutch and johnny's relationship bc it feels like one of the only examples of qpps i've ever seen outside a fanfic, so i'd really really like to just...write fanfic about it. lol

this is a weird one but i think it would be so fun to novelize dishonored. partially because the way they did daud drives me nuts and i feel like i could fix it and partially because i really like corvo. i wrote a little dishonored ficlet once and really enjoyed it, and realized that it'd probably fun to do like 80k in that pov. unfortunately the two big problems are 1. corvo spends a lot of time alone, so it's a lot of really big dialogue-less sections and 2. most of the supporting cast members are not nearly as fun/memorable as emily corvo and jessamine, so i feel like i'd struggle to make their parts interesting at all, let alone exciting. so it'll likely never happen. but i do daydream! tbh, i'd like to do more game novelizations/"""adaptations""" in general...that's sort of what i was "raised on" fanfic-wise and they were really popular when i first got an internet connection, and i started a lot of them when i was younger, so it'd be really cool to just...go back to doing that!

i had such HUGE problems with alec shadowhunters's characterization and his and magnus's relationship at the end of s2 especially re: one of them being immortal, so before s3 aired and made me hate the entire thing i really had dead ass drafted this ENTIRE fixit where alec gets cursed to age very rapidly, exploiting all his worries about a mortal lifespan beside magnus's immortal one and all his fears of looking old next a lover that will be young forever, and in order to break the curse he has to do some soul-searching about the fact that he was selfish at a few key points in season 2. which isn't a bad thing for character development lol but then they like. never address it! made me nuts! it would have alec-centric which is weird because my favorite characters are actually raphael and magnus, but there you go. highly doubt i'll ever give this one a go since i'm Over shadowhunters but it occupied a significant portion of my waking hours for a long time so i'll always be very sad it never happened.

✨ - what is your newest shiny fic idea?

probably triptych #3, actually (the one that goes in a set after to an angel, love and worship are the same thing & broken road). it's an older idea because i had it last year, but it's the first thing i'm gonna work on after envesseled is all squared away. i haven't forgotten about it! i know a lot of new people followed me for deancas content and were probably really excited about it, but envesseled has been waiting since 2012 and we've been writing it since 2013 so that has to come first. i wrote a little about it here (huge major giant spoiler warning for broken road, i highly rec reading that first lol) but one thing i haven't said about it yet is that even though michael isn't in it at all, the fic will talk about him a lot. i wish i could say more, because i know anyone who was waiting on it has had to be VERY patient, but i don't wanna give it all away before it's even started :(

[ask meme]

[nulltune]

plots please! I want to write more with you since forever but I can never decide on muse and plots egergewaheth

OHHHHH LULLYYY!!! I'M FEELING SO EPIC AND FLATTERED AND EMBARRASSED AND HAPPY HERE...... SGGKJSKFK DO U KNOW THAT'S LITERALLY ME @ U THO !!!!!!! PLS ngl for the longest time i've been so 😳😳 seeing ur blog (and i remember one of the first things i thought was how pretty your icons are!!) and goshdang do i wanna write with u and all of your muses!! i can 100% relate tho- i'm always the most indecisive ever when it comes to multis (cuz i love all dem wonderful muses!) and i have z e r o (0) ideas on how to start things up lately orz BUT!!! here are some thoughts i have 😳👉👈 for all ur muses! (minus tesla and shd because unfortunately wiki was a barren land 2 me and my mind started drawing a blank 🧎‍♂️) BUT AAAA I'M ALL EARS TO HEAR YOUR THOUGHTS ABT THESE TOO! these are just my intial thoughts on seeing their profiles on your page + wiki (i'm a fraud of a fate blog tbh my mind is only full of hakuno-) but i would love to hear ur top three from these ones too mayhaps.....!!!! 😳 under the cut bc it's long as Heck-

meme, closed! @summoned-anima

sherlock: fate extra materials say that hakuno has some amazing detective skills (what with all the lil "quests" you do in game and all) so i think some situation that forces these two to cooperate on their wits would be real interesting! i just thought of these two working together on an escape room or sth and damn would i be willing to place my bets on these two being the first to finish it 👏👏✨ which also makes me think: they'd work pretty well as allies or comrades — which is pretty funny too, considering how the another ending ce is one of the best ce reccs to pair up with sherlock ☆ — but as friends.... 🤔 well what i'm saying is that!! i see that "little regards to emotions" on your sherlock's page and boy do i sense some interesting things coming for when that clashes with hakuno and her extremely emotionally-driven and relationship-oriented self! would they butt heads?? would they be an iconic brain-and-heart combo?? lots of possibilities tbh! and also!!! this one is kinda random but i hc my hakuno to be a pianist (the human she's based off is a pianist and the npc would naturally have those skills as well, but she's just not aware of it yet-) and i remember sherlock being able to play the violin so -vague hand gestures- idk sth abt it would be cute methinks..!! it'd be sweet if they could play together too 🥺

caenis: i see his line saying he hates the ocean and I VERY MUCH NEED TO SEE HIM AND HAKUNO GO TO THE OCEAN NOW THANK U VERY MUCH- on hakuno's side! she's spent all her life in a damn academy in a damn virtual world, so i'd just love to see her explore the world in general.. an ocean or just the sea is especially high on that list because se.ra.ph was like the digital sea you see-- and in the arenas, she'd always get a view from in the ocean rather than looking at it from above. it'd be a new experience for her!! and paired with caenis's hatred for the ocean, i feel like it'd be Intewesting 👀 i see caenis having a sweet tooth as well and as someone who loves candy, they can be a sweet tooth squad!! they also have the brutally honest aspect in common and i gotta say,, seeing the line he has for musashi, i'd love to see him potentially calling hakuno out for some of the stuff she does (prime example: hakuno being a very good-hearted and kind person but firmly believing she's bad because she's done some bad stuff) and idk much abt caenis, but a two-way street in character development would be -chef kiss- ! let them both help each other become better mayhaps 🤲🤲✨ ALSO.. i see caenis having a pair of animal ears and idk what type it is exactly (bunny ears??) but this must be said--!!! hakuno loves fluffy-wuffy things and would absolutely want 2 pet--

douman: hakuno's a huuuge history buff so she'd most definitely know about his history and all that, but i, da mun, am not <3 GDJDJSJ will be googling up his background and life story sooner or later but for the time being!! just speaking on the things i've witnessed on the dash from here to there- hakuno and her curious self would most certainly be curious about this clown alter ego that's apparently been causing a ruckus. NGL I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DOUMAN'S WHOLE DEAL IS- and yes i finished shimousa but gotdang is my goldfish memory a struggling binch-- but me thinking about hakuno and her pure innocent nature has got me very Hm 👀(TM). and i will be embawwassing now and admit that i couldn't find as much info abt douman as i liked so i went snooping thru ur posts a lil 🏃‍♂️ AND PLS HE'S H*RNY⁉️ DGJEHCJS my hakuno's a demisexual too so her encountering the very horny douman would probably be so 👁_👁... for her dgdjjehc but!!! fun and laughs aside i am-!!!! actually eye-ing this veeery intently because love and lust is a pretty dang interesting topic to delve into!! i think i saw a post of yours saying sex is his substitute for love and i raise my moon girl like simba-- who i can very much see bluntly speaking out her mind on that matter... trying to understand where he's comibg from but not hesitating to say her bit on how she thinks that's futile and that he'll never obtain happiness that way 😳

enkidu: these two....... THESE TWO........ 🥺😭. artificial beings!!!! learning to be more human together mayhaps-- honestly one of the biggest themes with my moon girl which i'd love 2 explore with everyone's favorite lancer here! and listennnn, it was heavily implied that a berserker enkidu is a servant hakuno could contract with based on compatibility alone (nasu may not have explicitly confirmed it but it is Canon in my heart ok 😤) and i think there's sooo many ways to play off of that (disclaimer tho! it'd be most definitely alright if enkidu doesn't remember her at all! that gives us some angst potential to play with too >:3 ^_T) hakuno remembering enkidu from their beserker form and then interacting with them as a lancer..... hakuno not remember them at first but slowly regaining her memories of them from se.ra.ph as she interacts with their lancer variants....... lots of ways 2 go about it! ANDD i feel like flowers are becoming a decently prominent thing with my hakuno and i do recall enkidu's valentine gift ces being flowers too so-- i dunno how or why but i want something flower inspired for them.....!!!!! OH AND AND since they both dress pretty plainly, it'd be cute if they could dress each other up! i'm also thinking about them doing each other's hair because there's this one super super adorable art of hakuno braiding their hair which i adore oh so very much 🥺

pepe: BEING 100% TRANSPARENT HERE-- I HAVEN'T EVEN FINISHED LB1 😳...... but!!!! this is a duo that honestly intrigues me So Much because i've heard a lot about how pepe and hakuno have A Lot in common (which- for my hakuno could be both a good thing and a bad thing.. my hakuno definitely has a very deep and unique sense of loneliness, so having someone so similar to her would be both comforting and frightening methinks...) case in point-- this post! (also- random but op's brain is so huge and i love reading their thoughts abt hakuno so much -chef kiss-). i feel like there can be sooo much potential for them to develop more as people thanks to their interactions, and i feel like they really could get along! i can honestly see a pretty damn wholesome friendship too tbh 🥺 and characters who seem so incredibly different on the surface but actually share a lot of deeper themes and things in common is a personal fav of mine okok!!! 😤👏💯💯✨ also a big fan of the concept of pepe and hakuno absolutely slaying and breaking gender roles ✊✊ (pepe being more feminine-like and hakuno being more of a tomboy herself). AND I AM DEEPLY SORRY IN ADVANCE BUT here's a random silly thought that i just have to say too-- i can imagine hakuno gifting them a plushie of pepe the frog... solely because they share a (nick)name..... VDDGFKEHDJ

elijah: CONSIDERING HOW MY HAKUNO IS VERY MUCH LIKE A PINOCCHIO THAT WANTS TO BE HUMAN-- this duo intrigues me very much yes yes 👀✨ hakuno doesn't have the best opinion of herself (putting this very very lightly-) and views herself as a sorry attempt of a living being really ^_T so i feel like she'd expect elijah to dislike or look down on her to an extent (which is honestly how she's been conditioned to feel like with anyone ngl but she's Especially feeling it after his "something you like" line heeheehoohoo!) — his own opinion of her is totes up 2 u tho! hakuno's journey is most definitely becoming more human from the blank slate she was once was and she's oh so very human at her core, so i'm real intrigued to know how elijah would feel and interact with all that!! speaking of... ELIJAH NOT BEING HUMANE IN HIS CORE IS SO INTERESTING TO MEEEE!!!!! also provides a pretty Intewesting contrast to hakuno too. i am a fool so i know thing abt elijah but 👀👀👀 am very much open to learning more via ic interactions! him telling hakuno his story perhaps...... (if they get closer ofc!!) and damn i am c h omping my hands rn bc if this moon girl manages to get to bond lvl 5 with him-- and even if not!! like with enkidu, i can def see her affirming his humanity and caring for him regardless!!

mycroft: I'VE BEEN MEANING TO SEND YOU AN ASK FOR HIM FROM MY OLD AS HECK INBOX CALL TBH-- but!!!! i want them to be teatime buddies !!!!!! it's just something that sounds real wholesome to me okay.. 🥺 AND LISTEN- it's perfect because even back in the moon cell, hakuno would always like to have cakes with the tea that sakura brewed... also-- like with caenis, sweet tooth squad!! i feel like they could get along on that aspect as well? OH BUT SAME WITH SHERLOCK i am very much 👀👀👀👀 because gotdang do i love thinking abt the dynamics of hakuno and a more rational muse..!!! hakuno's a bit (read: A Lot) of an overworker herself too, but she's of the mindset that it's fine if only she's the one bearing all the weight, so i can most definitely see her pesking approaching him quite frequentky to ask if there's any way she could help out or lessen his load. definitely encourages him to take better care of himself and rest!!!! a hypocrite ahaha- OH AND PLS KNOW THAT THE PROGRESSION OF HIS BOND LINES MAKE ME CRY AS WELLLL 😭😭 and i'm sorry but i just know hakuno is that brand of stubborn that just won't leave him alone!! (in a good way tho!!)

[cuddleslutloki]

I have a genuine question. How often do you actually deal with antis? I've been following you for a bit now and it seems every so often you bring up antis. I've certainly kept my interest about thorki shut and locked away in a box from my friends for the simple fact that all of them think it's incest. It's not an easy topic of conversation but you just seem to handle all the antis so well? Also on an off note about beast!Thor, his favorite pass time must just be rutting into Loki 24/7 🤔

when someone tells you that you're romanticizing abuse [bc i made a stockholm moodboard for a fic] I don't know what I'm supposed to say other than I don't condone it but I write about it? Is writing about abusive relationships bad in writing??? you're the only person i ask for advice so thank you for anything in advance

i’m honestly really glad you came to me. i really do like discussing this topic in this kind of way bc i’ll never reblog an anti or answer an anti ask. even if you’re arguing against them, i don’t think it’s worth it to argue against them if it means also spreading what they’re saying

the basic premise of all anti behavior and ideology is censorship. that’s all it is. 

“i don’t like this topic, you need to stop writing it and making art for it. if you don’t stop there will be consequences.”

that is censorship and that is the kind of shit fandom has had to fight ever since there’s been fandom. women, poc, lgbt+ folks have been dealing with people telling us what we can and can’t write and enjoy for... well, probably forever. but we’re still here, creating the kind of content we want to see and indulge in.

as far as how to deal with antis, my advice is to ignore, ignore, ignore. they want what any bully wants: attention

you stop paying attention, you stop giving them time they don’t deserve from you, they’ll die off. there’s no point in fighting them directly. produce the content you want to see and enjoy what you want to enjoy. drown them out. you don’t owe them a response just because they come to you. they don’t have any qualms about being rude to you, so be rude back and just ignore them. i love blocking antis, personally. take out the garbage, y’know?

antis use the words ship and support as synonyms because they think that shipping is some radical call to action for lgbt rep instead of entertainment

shipping is not activism. shipping is about entertainment and enjoyment, nothing more

so this is why i have this very blasé attitude about antis. i just don’t give a fuck about them beyond making posts trashing their idiocy. because that’s what it is. it’s idiocy, but going deeper it’s puritanism at its finest. antis use fox news scare tactic logic under the guise of some pseudo feminist agenda because they don’t understand and don’t want to understand that enjoying dark fiction as entertainment isn’t equivalent to some greater moral stance

they use the same argument about shipping and fanfiction that WASP moms use against video games and loud music: that enjoying and consuming it will make you think it’s normal and there’s nothing wrong with it irl

okay, well, vlad the impaler never played CoD or far cry and caligula never watched hentai but we know why i’m bringing them up in this context without even heading over to wikipedia, don’t we?

they use the words abuse and pedophilia waaaaaayy too liberally and they’re doing more harm than good because they’re twisting and warping words that should have very specific meanings by using them so goddamn vaguely and irresponsibly 

my own personal theory is that these people are terrified that if they don’t yell in opposition to these topics 24/7 and actively attack content creators that they’d probably enjoy it, and they’ve been so programmed by the echo chamber of tumblr and twitter that they think this means they’re bad people. 

spoiler alert: that’s not what it means

i literally watched a circle jerk on twitter where screenshots of some mafia starker au got tweeted and retweeted w/ pictures of someone pouring bleach into cereal and people had asked to see more of the post. if you really don’t like something, you shouldn’t hate-read about it. it’s not productive, it does more harm than good if that’s the actual issue rather than some reverse psychology-style enjoyment they’re probably getting out of it.

they claim to hate this shit so much, but they’re reading hundreds and thousands of words and putting these images in their heads of their own free will. i don’t do that with shit i genuinely dislike. i avoid it.

i see antis say they enjoy thorki fanart because they think it’s cute, then they see it’s tagged thorki and they have an over the top reaction because the nature of anti ideology states you should never enjoy something like that, so if you do then you have to make the excuse of ignorance to prove that you’re still innocent and pure. enjoyment is apologism to them because they aren’t content to simply attack fan creators, they want to try and drive away the people who consume our art as well because they know you’re the cornerstone of fandom. consumers are why creators create. yeah, i write because i enjoy it, but i also write to connect to my readers and have people commenting on my fics when they like them.

it’s also worth noting that antis only ever talk about shipping. they only talk about sexual and romantic ships. i’ve never seen an anti talk about (often extreme) levels of violence in canon source material for the ships and characters they want to froth at the mouth over. 

seeing someone bleed out and choking on their own blood after being stabbed or shot or bludgeoned? meh

seeing a character who was once a child have a sexual thought about a character who was also once a child and is also their close friend? omg why are we trying to make fandom unsafe for people?

personally, i’ve also noticed that fandoms with darker canon material tend to have more chill fandoms most of the time. i think it also depends on the average age in a given fandom. there’s a major difference between fannibals and steven universe fans, let’s just say that.

creating a moodboard for a dark fic is not “romanticizing abuse” and at this point antis honestly have no fucking idea what that phrase is. they use those words the way a bored CEO uses social media buzzwords and hashtags in a staff meeting

if antis want to see true romanticizing of abuse then they can go to serial killer thirst tags and spot the fucking differences between shippers and people who forget that ted bundy was weak, flaccid, cowardly piece of shit

writing something dark or violent or whatever else and condoning the act or doing the act are different. this is why stephen king isn’t under government surveillance or in prison.

make no mistake, this anti shit only applies to fandom. they’re attacking creators here because creators out at the professional levels don’t give a fuck. they’ve tried, and they’ve failed. 

creators at the professional level understand something antis don’t: that being able to reconcile your enjoyment of dark media can be a sign of emotional intelligence and good emotional health. it’s cathartic. it’s allowed to be cathartic.

the most common consumers of dark fiction are members of minority communities and people who’ve been emotionally and/or sexually repressed for one reason or another. 

antis want to say that fiction doesn’t exist in a vacuum and they are 100% correct! because writing fanfiction and original fiction that relates to parts of my life that nearly killed me gives me control over something that was beyond me in the original context. writing about fucked up codependent, violent romance allows me to process my shit in a way that’s healthy and produces something fun and enjoyable.

my therapist knows i ship thorki, she knows i write thorki. i’ve had her read pieces of fanfiction i’ve written in addition to pieces of original fiction. y’know what she said? “wow, baylen, that’s vivid. you have a way with words!”

i read her a line out of smart boy and told her what the story was about and this trained professional said “well it’s a productive way to process some emotion that you clearly need to let out”

but you know what? if someone doesn’t have the trauma i have? let them write it, too! let them create and enjoy the fictional content they want! more cake, y’all!

finally getting around to one of the first parts of your ask, lol. thorki is incest. thor and loki are brothers. they were raised believing they were blood brothers, even. loki being adopted doesn’t change a thousand years of personal history where thor looked at loki and thought that they came out of the same woman, y’know? 

that’s his brother and in the comics his attachment to loki is even more intense. the mcu nerfed that shit. loki’s life has been intrinsically tied to thor’s ability to feel a full sense of joy. 

enjoying an incest ship isn’t some sign of moral depravity. writing abusive relationships isn’t bad. gone girl was made into an award winning movie. art should look like life, and sometimes life fucking sucks. dark stories, sad stories, fucked up holy shit idk if i can go to sleep after i read this stories exist for a reason. we need them. we have to have an outlet for our frustration, our anger, and especially our fear.

so which is the healthier option of these

to write up a piece of fanfiction where two siblings are in love in a way that might be cute and soft or might be destructive, depending on your mood?

or

attacking strangers you don’t know online and threatening violence against anyone who doesn’t think like you do?

i know what kind of person i want to be.

ship and let ship, thanks for reading my doctoral thesis office hours are always