#i have a bad tendency to overshare. especially when its something serious

[pizzapizzadickz]

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[peepingtoad]

THE POSITIVE & NEGATIVE; Mun & Muse - Meme.

fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.

My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /

Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO / 50-50 (There’s a lot of love and a lot of hate, but I think many are actually pretty neutral on him too!)

Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / 50-50 (I’d say he may be an... acquired taste? Of course a lot of people I know here find him sexie so it’s hard to say for certain, heh. We may just be the weirdos of the fandom :P )

Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO

Are they underrated?  YES / NO (Not in terms of ability, but underrated for just how complex and multi-layered he is, I’d say)

Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.

Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO /

Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.

How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL (I honestly think he’s a man of many reputations, both in canon and in fandom :’D)

How strictly do you follow canon?  —  I’m very much a ‘use the bones of what we got in canon and do my best to flesh them out’ kinda roleplayer. There are some things that can be taken too easily at face value that I see fit to build upon. For example, I think Jiraiya’s feelings on the prophecy and his relationship with Konoha is something that could be too easily played off as simplistic, or like they were immovable constants. But that’s unrealistic for a man of his years and many experiences, so I try to put myself in his emotional setting at various points in his life, and trace how his feelings and behaviours change, if that makes sense? 

I try to avoid saying that any of the writing was straight up wrong because it’s disrespectful to the creator. But especially for Jiraiya, who had such a significant role to play in the narrative that it sometimes took precedence over his actual character, I do find some of his actions, and the way some interactions were handled in the canon to be a little OOC... so I’ll work with it and try to spin it in a way that I feel fits how he was characterised.

Basically, I’d say that I follow canon, but I like to enrich it in areas that were lacking detail or a nuanced view that took in all the surrounding events of the time. After Jiraiya’s canon death, of course, that’s when more divergence comes in to my portrayal... otherwise I wouldn’t be able to play any post-war scenarios! But the essence of his character is the same, which I try to keep as close to canon as possible.

SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.   —  A man of many experiences! You can bet that any topic that comes up, he’ll have some sort of amusing anecdote to share, or be able simply to talk shit about it. He's seen so much, and has a sensitive soul enough that he’ll give anyone a chance; he’s very open-minded and non-judgemental, and honestly is a humanitarian that wants to help those in need. Might leave your muse a little baffled as to how he could hold the status of ‘legend’, only to show it when they least expect it. You never quite know what you’re going to get with him: he’s generous and selfless, yet has many vices that seem selfish at times; he’s both a lover and a fearsome fighter; he’s immensely resilient at the same time as incredibly vulerable and damaged; he’s a himbo and a bit of a jock with the soul of a poet. Love him with no restraint and invite his love in return, and you’ll get not only a lover, but a devotee. Wears his heart on his sleeve... or does he? Chip away at him and find out!

Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  The pervy, flirty, jokey schtick could get grating, or come across as disingenuous. In romantic situations, he’ll keep quiet about putting a label on whatever it is, and beneath his overall sweetness and devotion there may be an underlying reek of commitment issues and a fear of admitting he is afraid. He also has a habit of deflecting negativity in general, and playing things off as if they don’t matter or they’re a joke, making him actually rather a difficult person to get to know the heart of. One might feel as if they’re getting nowhere with him...

... Either that, or they get the complete opposite. Yes, as equally as he can be guarded, he can overshare like crazy, and has a tendency to become codependent with those he gets attached to, which is inconsistent with his free-spirited nature, and how adept he is at keeping others at arm’s length from his less sunny side. This inconsistency might make him seem unreliable—if the fact he’s always off who-knows-where doesn’t do the trick already.

What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  I’ve been a big fan of the Sannin ever since I first read the Deadlock, but being a very young person at the time I perhaps couldn’t relate enough to people who had experienced so much to do them justice in my teenage fic-writing endeavours, so I remained on the sidelines enjoying content by other people (there may also have been a little bit of ‘what the fuck, why do I dig the old dude so much’ denial in there haha). I’ve picked up and dropped my obsession with the series several times over the years, and my love for those three seemed to grow each time. They really are ‘the lost generation’, and as the sole survivors—alongside having a huge impact on the plot, how the shinobi world is shaped, and the three main protagonists—there’s a lot of juicy material there, a lot of emotional background, along with decades of history that basically goes untapped in the canon. 

Anyway, I digress. Coming to the Naruto RPC for the first time around this time 2 years ago at the age of 25, I made this blog and my Deidara one on a whim, but focused on the latter at first. Villains were always comfortable territory for me in my other RP experiences, and I think it made me doubt that I could possibly do someone who is frankly a lovely guy any justice, no matter how much I loved him. I even had the intention of making him fully Akatsuki/Missing-Nin AU at first. Yeah. That’s how stuck in my villain/anti-hero zone I was! But, I think in the end, the fact he actually isn’t a two-dimensional typical ‘hero’ was something I chewed over and realised would be incredibly enriching to write, worth stepping out of my comfort zone for. And being a little more mature and less angst-ridden myself by that point, I found I could resonate with his feelings and ideals in a way that I know I couldn’t have as a teen... but I was still tentative. 

Anyway, after leaving his blog empty for a bit (with its placeholder URL ‘frogdaddy’, which sadly got hoarded by someone else), I cosplayed the old bastard, along with my partner as Orochimaru. We’d been stanning that particular ship and talking about how great the Sannin are in general for quite some time by that point, but being casually in character for fun while drunk off my tits at a boat party, was a bit of an epiphanic moment. Not long after that, I threw myself right into writing this chaotic-good old bastard with gusto, and here I still am :’)

What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Taking breaks to recharge as and when I need to. Seriously. The death of all my other blogs has been pressure (mostly from myself) to be there and force myself to put out regular content, so I went into this not thinking that way and it’s really helped! 

Of course, there’s also the fact that there simply seems to be no shortage of areas I can delve into with this guy. Again, it’s his age and all the missing years in canon... but I think it’s also how much love he has and his genuine eagerness to engage with others that makes him one of the most naturally bountiful muses I’ve played. Because honestly? Most of my villain muses wanted people to just fuck off :’D this guy is open to everything.

That aside, I guess I just gel with him more than I ever expected to. I’ve changed a lot as a person and gained more confidence since various areas of my life got better, and I really just vibed with this chill, funny, romantic, pervy, big-hearted energy. I enjoy angst, but my real love is peppering the serious and heartbreaking with romance and comedy—and isn’t that just befitting of him? Writing through his eyes also helps to keep my outlook positive, so that keeps me stuck on him as much as the seemingly limitless content potential. 

And this is without even going into my cross-fandom AU ideas I have on the back-burner. Honestly, they’re there but I want to put a real effort into them while keeping his essence the same, which for some, involves brushing up on my lore!

Some more personal questions for the mun.

Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.

Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.

Do you frequently write headcanons? YES / NO.

Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO / RARELY. (depends on whether I get a flash of inspiration—which mostly comes with random asks that happen to stir up an idea for a scene, such as this one (NSFW warning))

Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.

Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.

Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.

Are you a sensitive person?  YES / 50-50 /NO. (I tend not to take things personally but am also very passionate—call it my innate Leo-ness!)

Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  Hmmm. I haven’t actually had any critique on my portrayal, so I’m not sure haha! I’d say if it’s constructive, then I’ll take it into account and consider it, especially if it’s a case where it helps me realise I’ve perhaps not gotten across what I intended to very well. But I’m also quite fond of my portrayal in its essence, so I may end up just thanking the person for their opinion and carry on as usual :P

Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  Absolutely! I’ve had some wonderful ones recently and it’s exactly the kick I need to get ideas out, some of which I’ve had on the back-burner but not had a framework within which to write it without it getting derailed. I definitely appreciate a question that will keep me at least a little on-topic, otherwise if I go off on my own volition I really tend to... well, go off! Even if a question is a similar topic to something I’ve already done, it’s a good exercise for me to go back to the similar headcanon and see if I can build further on it, deviate, and link it to show what past thoughts I’ve been working with. A great way of keeping some consistency in my portrayal while making improvements, I find! And then of course I’ve had some questions that are entirely new morsels for thought, and it leads me to something new and fresh, which I greatly appreciate.

Basically, any questions at all, fire away! I may take a while but I will get to them eventually!

If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Yeah. I mean I think it’s just polite to present a reason as to why not, instead of just being like ‘this is wrong/a bad take’ or whatever. Source material is down to personal interpretation, so if I draw different ideas from it to another person after discussion, then we can simply agree to disagree on it. 

If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  They are welcome to disagree with me I guess? So long as they’re respectful and don’t then treat me as if my interpretation is ‘AU’ or talk about ‘canon Jiraiya’ as if he’s obviously a different entity to my own, then disagree away. But if prompted enough, know that I will most likely defend my portrayal with what I consider to be justification from the source material :P I did pay close attention to it, after all, and I do consider my portrayal to align well with it.

If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  Depends on the nature of it and the conduct, really? Like, people are allowed to dislike characters. I myself find a couple of characters pretty annoying or don’t particularly care for them (granted, usually it’s in a love-to-hate or simply a ‘this character doesn’t interest me’ way), but that doesn’t affect how I behave towards the RPer of a character. It’s just manners, really. People tend to RP characters because they like them, so why would you take negativity right to their doorstep, in this space they’ve made as an expression of enjoyment for, and to develop said character? 

There’s been some people who admitted to me that they didn’t care much for Jiraiya, but then began to like him more with my portrayal and that’s more than fine; I take it as the highest compliment in fact. It’s also the kind of open-minded attitude I like to have with portrayals of characters I don’t necessarily like or have much interest in, because by and large, people do tend to add more depth and nuance than the busy and character-packed canon allowed.

However, if it’s the type of hate that’s got its own devoted circle of bitter bitches, who seem to use so much energy hating a character... then please, don’t engage me. Doesn’t matter who the character is, don’t expect me to follow/keep following your negative ass if it’s constant on the dash—and if the target character is any of the Sannin then frankly I’ll have probably blocked/blacklisted in a heartbeat. The ‘critical’ views of them tend to diminish them as humans, diminish the context and events that surrounded their choices, and in a way that I find is a gross double standard compared to what people will allow other (read: young, attractive, fandom faves, ‘babies’ or ‘beans’) to get away with and excuse the behaviours of. I don’t need that kinda negative energy sullying my hobby, nor do I need moral superiority that isn’t applied consistently across the board.

Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  Absolutely! I meticulously fret and check, and cringe when I get a reply and happen to spot errors while rereading what I wrote before it! I edit a lot but don’t always pick up on errors, so I’m more than happy to have it pointed out. Chances are, I’ll be far more brutal to myself about it than anyone else would be!

Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  Overall, yeah. I’m not possessive or clingy (I don’t think) and don’t expect the world from people, nor for them to focus on or favour me or be super fast. I just expect the same respect in return. Having said that, I will express it when I don’t like something or it makes me uncomfortable, provided we’re familiar enough, because if we’re strangers I’d feel like I was coming across as entitled to your energy and emotional labour. I do my best to be diplomatic about it though, and rest assured it doesn’t mean I’m forever mad at you or turned off in any way just because I have a small grievance. I just find that being honest with each other rather than letting things pile up and fester makes a friendship more solid, and basically more genuine and long-lasting.

That’s about it, congrats for filling out!

Tagged by: @dokuhebi​ Tagging: Whoever hasn’t done this yet!

[regular-lord-reckoner]

i’ve been thinking about that “sorry i haven’t talked to you, it’s not because i hate you it’s because i’m depressed” post but seriously like...

something to know about me i guess is (shockingly!) my self worth is uh...so not good that i LITERALLY feel like i bother anyone i initiate a conversation with 

or...have a conversation with, period 

if i’ve ever messaged anyone first just know i typed out what i wanted to say probably ten different times before i sent it and that’s AFTER i agonized about it in my head for a while 

obviously there are exceptions at times, sometimes i’ll just...do the damn thing, but then immediately spiral into a panic of “oh god, oh god i bet i’m bothering them. oh shit, they’re rolling their eyes reading this, aren’t they? this person probably fucking hates me right now and is only responding to be polite. abort, abort, abort” 

it’s also why sometimes it takes me literal days to respond to a message or a comment and again...not always, but...it’s become more frequent because i’m just like...i’m probably going to make an ass out of myself or say something really dumb or just bore this person to death, i’ve gotta...go 

and i can be reassured time and time and time again that “no, i love hearing from you!!!” or “i wish we talked more!!!” but it still just...doesn’t get through 

i was downstairs telling my mom about the book i was reading and...logically i know she’s just tired from a long day and probably just wants some time alone to de-stress and relax, but in my brain it’s like “you’re getting on her nerves, she wants you to shut up, what you’re talking about isn’t interesting in the slightest and she’s only pretending to listen, just shut up and walk away” which is...more or less what i did. not just mid-conversation but just “yeah, so i thought that was interesting anyway good night!” and bailed 

and that’s all probably mmm...not great and yet another reason i should get professional help with all my bs but i dunno if i’m ever going to completely shake that feeling of “yikes, i need to stop talking and disappear before i make this person want to kill me” 

it’s also why it’s actually pretty hard for me to like...share my interests with people??? 

i mean i do i’m not saying i just bottle everything up and keep everything to myself and especially the closer you are to me, the more comfortable i am with it but even then i’m always dying on the inside like “oh boy oh boy oh boy this sucks doesn’t it? this sucks and everyone hates it and i’m torturing everyone with this i must LEAVE”

and also tbh this is why i don’t...have more interests??? 

because if you don’t like things you...don’t have to talk about them or even feel like you want to share them anybody, i guess it’s simpler that way

i also feel like i’m...literally too stupid or too uncultured or too just...i don’t even know to enjoy a lot of things so i just...don’t 

obviously i’m not just recycling the same things over and over again, i’ve picked up new things here and there along the way, but for the most part i’d rather just...revisit something i already know because i already know i like it and it’s simpler that way 

then again i also think being depressed plays a part in this as well because it’s just...hard for me a lot of the time to immerse myself into something new, especially if it’s recommended to me and i know that’s super duper shitty because people are excited to share something and want to see my reaction but that...expectation, i guess, stresses me out to the point where i’ll put it off for years sometimes because i’m like...if i don’t get it or don’t like it or whatever i’m not...good enough 

and i know that’s...really dumb, that’s a real bad way of looking at things and it’s something i’ve had to remind myself of constantly like...just because someone doesn’t like something you do, no matter how attached to it you feel, it’s not a rejection of you and it’s not that deep, but i worry that that’s what it means and that if i don’t end up liking that thing it’s like...a negative reflection on me, i guess? 

like...if i read a book someone recommended to me and i didn’t get it or i didn’t think it was that good, that person’s gonna be like, “mmm, i see, you’re too stupid to understand it” which is...probably true, tbh but i just...i dunno 

this is such a mess and probably makes zero sense, but i just keep thinking about it and i dunno 

i know i’m not the only person in the entire world who feels like this, i’ve reblogged enough content with enough likes that tells me other people are in this same boat (or have been at some point) so it’s not like “woah, this is so strange can you believe???” it’s just more so like...wow, anna. get help. your brain isn’t very good at its job and you seem stressed about it and yes, yes i am 

i have a tendency to take things that are supposed to be fun and light-heartened and, via my mental illnesses just...turn it into something way more serious and way less fun than it should ever be and...funnily enough, in the process make other people put out or, if nothing else, i distract from the fun part and that...sucks 

i feel like lately especially with...whatever the hell is going on with me i’m always on edge, always ready to just collapse into tears over the dumbest shit, and my self-worth feels like it’s at an all-time low even though i’m sure there have been times i’ve felt worse about myself but those were...real dark times so i dunno...how much better by comparison i really am but lately everything frustrates me and i feel like i can’t do anything right and that even the smallest, most insignificant mistakes are the end of the world even though they’re most definitely not, but it’s such a hard feeling to shake even when i see that the world doesn’t come to an end it’s still just...overwhelming kinda? 

needless to say this is...why i don’t put myself out there, why i don’t message people first, why i prefer to just...well, do shit like this where i throw things out into the void but i guess it makes me feel a teeny tiny bit better just getting it somewhat out of my head but at the same time i’m probably...oversharing and when all i ever do is talk about these problems but then never actually do anything about it i...make myself into a frustrating person that honestly i...don’t think i’m really all that missed when i don’t message people or reach out to people and that’s not a guilt trip, that’s completely on me like...nobody wants to put up with that person who’s just miserable but won’t lift a finger to help themselves so i guess the conclusion to this ted talk is...i’m sorry if you’ve ever gotten the impression that i don’t care or that i’m distant or just...anything like that whatsoever it’s just...i barely feel like a person anymore and i’ve just been doing a real good job of pretending like i am one because survival skills but i um...i dunno. i’m a mess and i apologize and hopefully will get my shit together one day?? we’ll see 

[pizzapizzadickz]

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