#i hate talking about myself unless its something irrelevant or funny that happened to me

[oknomiyaki]

tumblr is the only place i express (vaguely) how i feel at all

[v0r73x]

Holy fuck lmao this 1 sk¡tzo b¡tch has been hating since day 1 & its pretty fucking funny what happened today & how I might just use it to my advantage if possible.

FULL STOP - here's the full story lmfao

Day 1 - I meet a nice black man, gives me the ropes of the "new" city. Looks like a upstanding guy, and kinda cute. But like everyone else (unless they drink) he's doing down and uppers. Sad but it is what it is. I digress. So me, him and another chick were chilling at the front of the shelter. This crazy broad was screaming at us (jealous bcz she liked that black guy, no I didn't sleep with him. He was cute, and kind sure, but I'd rather have him sober and get to know him some. So no, if u were just nosey, it's not that) she was hollering at us something like (in a offensive tone) I'm not pregnant! Who said I was pregnant?! I took 2 pregnancy tests blah blah blah and I'm not pregnant. And then around that time I noticed she was talking about/to us, bcz he had replied something like "they weren't even talking to you" I thought/said "wait, I just got here I'm not talking about you for sure" she probably mumbled something and stopped. She lost

Another time I was speed walking. Now I can't remember it all bcz thats my alone time not to talk to ppl for more than 80-100 seconds total. I speedwalk past this broad with some dude right, and her sk¡tzo ass starts going off again. Going off about race and how she's born in 2000s and I'm a gross 80s or 90s baby, like that even means anything when you're sk¡tzo but ok b¡tch go off. Trying all that woke bullshit to try to make me mad, she just looked like a total joke. I kept walking.

TODAY I see this b¡tch again. And I'm now thinking she's scared of me? Lmao k, so I'm walking to the library and she sees me immediately going on her tough sk¡tzo rant "err I don't like you — something else trying to be rude yet sounding irrelevant to me - like all of it is but I just don't remember everything when she's irrelevant. She then says something like" you're just crying for attention" by that time I was close to passing her. AS SOON as I seen her, I looked her right in her ugly little fat eyes where SHE IMMEDIATELY FROWNED before looking DOWN IN Shame. Really? 😂

Oh and that cute guy 💁🏻‍♀️ ya he approached me of course, attention seeking who (online but so what? Everyone's anonymous here accept me, not a big deal. I'd share names if I REALLY wanted attention). So I'm hoping maybe one day I can just make her my b!tch 🤔 enough barely dominant energy will make her shut up, but I also think she's curious and will approach me, I won't respond unless she acts right too tho. I don't care to say a word.

Tbh I'm sure she yells at me all the time but I just don't pay attention to some crazy sk¡tzo that's so far away from me, barely in earshot when I'm talking to someone else, & all I hear is bickering blah blah blah. But I do think I've heard her b¡tch and complain often now that I think about it. Could it be about me? Not necessarily always but also who's to say really. She seemed super fucking pressed day 1 yknow, but who knows who else she hates and thinks she's tough with right.

No I don't care that it's rude to use a sk¡tzo broad as My b¡tch. She has the resources to get better, can take her meds, go to the ward whatever. She wants to talk shit and be intimated when I look her in the eyes? She kinda deserves to be My b¡tch one day. Like you were literally just talking sh¡t, I don't do much eye contact myself, but if I'm picking fights you might not wanna look away? Maybe if she's good quiet servant I'd help her get on meds tbh but she'd still be my b!tch 💁🏻‍♀️ and she would act right around me, my bitch or not I really don't fucking care. Now that I know, I will use it to my advantage. I can't wait for our next encounter ��💕

Day 6 today

[mmagazinemoment]

Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle.

Good morning, midday, afternoon, or evening to you my fellow queers and allies and plain and simply gorgeous humans. You see I have already written another version of this edition but instead I have a pure heroine filled piece instead, and you may not be ready for it because it covers a few serious points but it’s also the (fuck your ex) vibe, not literally…unlesssssss * insert meme*. Thanks for joining me again my loves

 Why my past loves make me want to look into nihilism as a lifestyle

You ever just meet someone and fall completely into their arms and become almost a complete and utter 3rd leg of the other? What I mean in all seriousness is, don’t you ever feel like the love game grows on you like a drug addiction and I know some of you will see this and be thinking? What do you mean “the love game” I know it’s not a game, a figure of speech as such. Basically, what I’m trying to say is have you ever loved someone so much that you didn’t see the signs of detrimental dysfunction.

Wow that all sounds so serious, let me dial it down a little, I’m just trying this new thing called being uncensored and not caring about preconceived notions of myself from external eyes. Months ago, I was shattered into a million pieces and I won’t blame just him because it was my fault for thinking every relationship or whatever it was, was going to end up like a tv romance, no that’s a lie. I over invested and blamed him for hurting my own self, sure he had something to do with it, but he wasn’t just to blame. Can’t tell me I don’t know how to take accountability (wow I’m funny).

For instance, in a movie you meet and lock eyes with someone and the breeze grasps your hair, when I met said person, I was like ‘omg he’s tall, I’m going to fall in love with a giraffe’ and then I tried to build a home in him, without the investment and time taken to be careful with my time and words of affirmation in efforts to receive reciprocation I never got unless it was backhanded or what I wanted to hear. So how did you perceive your first love? Did he/she/they look pleasing? Or was it the scent of their perfume or cologne? Did they dress in a floral vintage outfit or was it a suit and tie? Ballet flats or sneakers? Tell me? I want to know all of the juicy details!

I know some of you probably didn’t ask or ever want to know but my first love happened in a series of me closing doors journeying through my uneasy sexuality labelling and let’s be real, fuck labels am I right? (unless you find comfortability and closure under a label and with that you’re perfectly valid), Love to me was like heroine and in some senses it still is. When I first learnt of love, it didn’t feel like love, it felt like obligation, perhaps a trend. Love felt like learning all he moves to a Tik Tok dance as fast as possible before the hype disappeared, and it became irrelevant again, questionable reference point but blame social media not me. I was never satisfied.

Keep in mind this was 15-year-old me, trying to gain some sense of validation to seem a little less repressed and not confused because before 15 year old me realised that 12 year old me wasn’t as weird as I thought.  I was under this veil of non-transparency and speaking on the subject of transparency I must tell you 12 was the year of age I realised that I wasn’t like the other boys at school, just swooning for girls and getting scared of cooties, I was just begging to be seen by whoever had eyes to care. Sounds dramatic I know.

Nobody was ever there to tell me at such a young age that there were others like me, “different”, the type of boy who watched rebel without a cause and felt weird when James Dean was looking so gorgeous and composed in that leather jacket or admiring Tim Curry when he dressed like no man I’d ever seen on a movie screen in or even real life in the Rocky Horror Show, something sparked in… me. I started on the smallest step I knew, acknowledgement, I knew I could find a home in the fact that there were more people like me, and wow I was right. I was finding comfort in what I knew, I found a few gorgeous women and obviously because of my age we thought that holding hands and a peck on the cheek was all we needed in life from the label of ‘relationship’, but it was only ever a weekly process. Anytime I found ‘love’ I wouldn’t know what to do with it without the chase, like a dog chasing a bone. Even to this day I have never had a successfully long relationship but at least these days it’s not because of my toxic traits, I like to think I’ve grown a considerate amount since I was 15. Don’t get me wrong, neither of those experiences were love? How could they be?

Ironically love happened even ‘after’ I was in a relationship. I had another relationship when I was 17, it lasted a little longer than the prior, it went for a month and a half, I was convinced I loved her, so sappy but you wanted transparency right? I have a lot of it. After that, my ex brought to attention after she cheated on me that I was using her as a sort of beard to cover up the truth about myself, I never knew how to perceive myself until then and that was only the second step, there was so much more to cover.

Skip forward past a few experiences leading up the near current, I met someone, a sort of fleeting romance, now (forewarning, this gets sappy) we talked for a few weeks if my memory isn’t hazy, and we quickly developed something no short of a connection. FaceTime after FaceTime I’d gather more and more pictures of his goofy face and at one stage, I thought I was going to be happy for the foreseeable future, then came reality. You can’t be loved by someone who doesn’t want to face themselves and you can’t help them anymore than what you’re capable of giving out. I didn’t listen to that, naturally things just got worse, and I hated everything…

He would apologise, I would validate his actions to friends who were concerned and realising that I was getting too soon attached and it wasn’t going to end well and I copped the consequences, I still have only recently not found regret in messing up this badly because if I didn’t make that mistake then I would’ve just witnessed those mistakes I made in the lap of somebody else and this is where the saying goes, better the devil you known then the devil you don’t. let me tell you it did more than a number on my mental health before I added up the reasons as tallies against us and internalised what I should’ve subtracted (hehe see what I did there). In all seriousness I wanted the thrill, I sure as hell got one.

Your mental health is amplified by your lifestyle choices and the people you choose to keep in your circle, friendship, or relationships regardless, the whole thing was out of whack and a tornado was nothing less than the accurate definition of where I was at, and it hurt a lot but sometimes it’s best to leave that situation if that person who you thought was going to be there for a while and a necessity to your life ends up being the detriment. (as Ashley Frangipane said) “its crazy when the thing you love the most is the detriment, let that sink in”.  

 If there is one piece of advice that I want whoever sees this to take with them it’s this, Keep your space sacred baby, you only have one life, but also please do not criticize yourself for getting caught in the motion sickness, sometimes you just can’t avoid it and that’s ok. Life is not a movie, life is more like the behind the scenes extra that puts everything into perspective, it’s rational and shows the hard work put in place to make the art and you should remind yourself as such. Remember also that if you cannot cope with all of the stress that presents itself in your life, that there are people that are equipped to help you hold some of the baggage for you until you are ready to take it back and analyse it. Whatever your grief is, I assure you, you’re not alone.

As always, stay healthy and strut your shit and I cannot stress this enough but keep raging against the machine and the super straights xoxo without the gossip girl, farewell until the next piece of The Mantra Magazine. *keep this in mind* next issue will be a little forward, it will include themes of segregation and war regarding the families of the Palestinians and Israeli conflicts happening right now. So, bring some tissues and an open mind. Farewell.

[heartsoftruth]

1/Hi, I apologize in advance for this long message but I just wanted to ask you if you had ever received insults or criticisms or even guys who harassed you because you're a girl who loves football? I'm asking you this because I live this constantly. Yesterday when Barça won the CDR I was so happy so I shared my joy on my social media and I commented on some FB publications related to the match and the majority of ppl on these pages are men so I have only received insults degrading messages.

Anonymous said:2/I was told to go back to the kitchen, that I should go back to clean, that I loved Barça only for cute players or that I probably didn’t know anything about football and was probably repeating what men around me were saying to look smart,.. I will not tell you everything they told me but it was really degrading and mean, I absolutely did not say anything bad, there were comments from guys who writed bullshit on the post but no one answered them but under mine there was like 100 replies.

Anonymous said:3/And I just wrote “I’m so happy and sad at the same time, I will miss Andres so much, it will not be the same without him..” On my other comments also I received insults like "Come suck my c*ck, you will be more useful” “oh a girl trying to make herself interesting by loving football” “shut your mouth bitch it’s a page for men here, go back to cook” And all that just because I’m a girl, if it had been a man who had commented the same thing they would have agreed with him.

Anonymous said:4/It’s unbelievable that a woman can’t love football as much as a man do without being looked at or asked to justify why she really loves football because if a girl likes football it’s surely because she’s in love with the players or wants to fuck with them or that she invents it to have the attention of men, because it is impossible that a woman can really love or understand football, so when it happens I have to justify myself so that they are convinced that I really like this sport..Anonymous said:5/It’s sad that in 2018 for a lot of ppl women = cooking, doing housework, pleasing men and keep quiet. Usually I avoid going into the football debates of my male friends or those of my family because they automatically make fun of me and my opinion is irrelevant. So if you have a vagina your brain is too stupid to understand football and enjoy it? I’m tired of having to hide my passion for football because I risk being insulted. It’s sad because I know I’m not the only one who suffers this..

Anonymous said:6/I discovered football when I was a child, I quickly became a big fan, I even played it many years but growing up my dad start laughing at me and telling me that I should be more interested in girls stuff and he asked me which player I was as much in love to continue to love football like that and the men around me told me that women’s football was not real football so I should stop playing it, my mother also agreed that I should stop because she was afraid that her daughter become a tomboy.

Anonymous said:7/I was stupid enough to believe theses bullshit and I stopped playing at my club. Yes I am feminine in general, I also like makeup, dresses, shoes and stuff like that but sometimes I like to wear my Barça jersey or football outfits too and when I walk in the street with it I get glances, guys who come to talk to me or say that I’m ridiculous with my jersey, one day 2 guys even come to ask me questions on the club to see if I really know about Barça and that it’s not just to get attention..

Anonymous said:8/It’s tiring and exhausting, I’d like to love this sport without suffering all that, what’s the deal with that, it’s a sport among many, why it’s impossible to let a girl enjoy this sport without belittling her? Why is it so difficult for men to believe that we really love this sport too without necessarily wanting to fuck with players? I’m tired, it’s getting depressing and with all the insults I received yesterday I feel like I’m going to be crazy, I really wanted to cry because of my anger..

Anonymous said:9/If you or the followers of your blog undergo this too, can you tell me how you do to support it or to finish with that please? And if there are guys who follow your blog I’d like them to explain to me, if they do these things, just why ? Why a woman who loves football should deserve so much hate and criticism and why it’s as difficult for guys to accept that women can love football too? I’m really sorry again for this long message but I’m really fed up.. 😫

Heey girlie!! OMG dont apologize for the long message! I feel like you needed to vent a little and then it’s 100% better to just write it all down instead of keeping it in. and DAMN you had all the reasons to vent, because what those neanderthals wrote to you MAKES MY BLOOD BOILLLLLLLLL FUUUUUUCK!!!

BOOOOOILLLLLL!!!! 

Im gonna reply to the parts in parts because otherwise the answer will be an unstructured mess. 

½/3: I dont even know where to start with my first off all comment with this ask! But pffff. It;s so so soooo sad that in 2018 people like that put comments under just a very normal and very correct post. It’s also really sad because probably right now you will think twice before commenting something under a footy Facebook thing. 

AND PLEAAAAASEE! Let me know what kind of FB page that is? I am literally fuming and almost on the verge of making a Twitter account for my Tumblr page to post it on here. It’s not fucking normal that when a girl says something about football guys talk like that. It’s not and it’s not ok. 100 replies under your comment? And all like that?? Pfff. Damn. FUMINGGGGG. 

I can understand you feel bad about it bc of all these people jumping on some kind of bandwagon behind their PC’s. Insecure bunch of dicks! 

4/5: Indeed we women have to know WAAAY more about football then men, because if we dont then we’re not serious about it or only watch it for the guys. “YESSSSS!!! THATS TOTALLY TRUE!!!! I watch 90+ minutes of football just for a few close-ups of the football players I like!!!11!1 Makes total sense” said no women who watches football ever. 

6/7/8/9: aaawhh… That is so sad… :( I can’t imagine how that must have felt as a child to be doing something you love but your parents make it out to be as if it was wrong. Not every girl likes pink and barbies just like not every guy likes blue and cars/football. Indeed I also love make up and getting dressed up etc etc. But I also love sitting in a cafe and watching football with a beer or something haha. 

I never wear a football shirt on the streets - unless im going to a match or watch in a cafe - today was the first time actually in my yellow PSG shirt haha. But no one said anything to me (other than a few hey girl). But it’s sad we have to prove something to these idiots… 

I think we’ve sadly all have had an experience like that. When I was younger and asked my friend at her party (or whatever it was) to see the football score a guy was like “what??? You dont watch it? Well then explain to me what off side is?!” That was the first time some guy asked me it and I did do it, but when someone would ask me it now I said: “You would ask a guy that too who says he watches football? Nope huh? So I won’t show you either!”

In Paris also on the way to the hotel the Uber driver was talking etc etc. And we spoke about football and I said how excited I am to finally see Neymar and hope he’s not injured anymore (because at the time he was stil injured and unclear if he would play) and all that blabla. And in one moment he said (in a joking way) oh you’re only here to see Neymar other than that you dont watch it. And I gave him a reality check real quick. My friend wanted to interfere and talk over it and I was like no no noooo. Lemme say my peace. 

Or at work people know I also love Neymar and then one new colleague thought it was funny (and maybe cool in front of the other guys) to say I only watch football for Neymar. And I gave him a reality check too. 

I used to bite my tongue when it came to that, but nowadays I’m like nope. I dont watch so much football for some insecure dick to be talking like that to me. 

But theres also many guys who you can just have a normal convo with about football. Like yesterday I had one with a guy I didn’t know and he was so chill. Or when I’m in the bar watching you also have guys normally coming up like are you also this nervous etc etc. During the Euro’s too. Met many friendly people who just spoke to us about football. Ok and s

What I also think is one of the problem is because many girls indeed just wear a shirt because it looks cute (which they of course can), but it makes it more difficult for us to be taken serious. Especially with tournaments like the Euros and WC many just watch football bc it’s fun with everyone in a cafe but they have no idea what they’re watching. And end up only confirming some of the thoughts by these neathertals. 

Can I ask you where you’re from btw?And please do tell which bs ass fb page you posted this one. I would be a good thing to create all these accounts to back you up or something. 

And indeed I’m curious too how other followers react to stupid comments like that?

And keep watching the sport you love girl! I know its tough at times being doubted to often for just watching something you like but lets hope that someday no one will question why we watch the sport we love. 

[tumblunni]

Hi, I'm the anon who sent the messages about Rotom-Cyrus to TWJ. I wanted to explain myself. There are two books in Rotom's Room: one written by Charon where he says he found out about Rotom "by pure chance." So Charon is involved with Rotom (prob why he has that card) but he isn't the one who met Rotom as a kid. I don't want to spoil exactly what happens in USUM incase you haven't reached that part but it does basically confirm Cyrus is the one who wrote that account.

aaaa that suuuuuckscos literally its fuckin a book signed by charon how was i meant to know that oh the other book right next to it isnt by charon alsoand the trading card has no meaning whatsoeverand we’re just giving more sad backstory to a guy who already had a sad backstory and nope charon has no backstory whatsoever and was just super evil and everyone was right for all these years telling me i’m a jerk for liking this characterand right when basically the same thing just happened with faba seriouslyharmless comedic villain in sun and moon, is shown apparantly redeemed in the postgame, but NOPE now its retconned and he was The Most Evil One and something something lusamine isn’t bad anymore and everything she ever did is now being done by faba in the animecos hey yknow thats what i get for giving the benefit of the doubt to ~ugly people~seriously fuckin everyone hated faba right from when he was first revealed, you had people predicting his ENTIRE PLOT based on just one picture of him and his name and no information whatsoever on his personality. we all just fucking knew what was going to happen because he’s a science man with an ‘ugly’ face and he’s ~flambouyant~and then charon fuckin literally existed to be the ~worse man~ who was added to make cyrus more redeemablethats how he was treated in both mangas. he was made more evil just so cyrus could be redeemed, which was POINTLESS because we all already believed he could be redeemed! and fuck we even all already thought he had cute moments with his pokemon as a kid, geez! there’s a hundred fanarts of that same scenario but with murkrow or zubat or magikarp or houndour or sneasel...just fuckin the pokespe manga wrote a personalityless charon who murdered a child and was outright shown not being friends with rotom and actually hating rotom and getting his ass kicked by rotomand then in DPA we get not only More Evil Charon Who Kills People but also he’s drawn really stupidly over the top scary while everyone else is big eyed shoujo dorks. and our protagonist believes that everyone is redeemable except charon. lets show cyrus committing far more evil acts than charon ever did in the game, lets show him being ooc as fuck and talking about murdering pokemon while surrounded by graves. but THAT IS OKAY and our hero will insist on saying he’s redeemable but NOOOPE charon just fuckin steals some money and has an ugly grandpa face and he gets no such sympathy. he just exists to make you forget that moment of cyrus being ooc double evil. cos we literally retconned that charon was responsible for all cyrus’s evil acts last arc, even though he wasnt even in the fuckin story yetand like now my only damn consolation here is that the character i connected with when i first played the game is AT LEAST NOT THAT EVIL. but all the potential signs of headcanoning him as not evil were all false and i just should have known it. and apparantly its a better and more worthwhile plot to just give sad childhood man another pokemon he knew in his sad childhood, and the thing i thought was Really Cool And Interesting Writing didn’t actually exist. like seriously i was fuckin literally suffering from the same abusive childhood cyrus has in his backstory back when i played dppt and i DO NOT KNOW WHY but i ended up connecting with this stupid grandpa more than him and it saved me in a dark time more than him. back then i was a stupid fuck and i hated cyrus cos i saw myself in him, like i didnt want to admit that i was in an abusive family and i wanted to hate him for daring to want to take revenge against the world that fucked him over. i felt he didnt have the right, like I didnt have the right..so yeah i didnt even fully realise cyrus’s backstory until i replayed the game as an adult, but the one thing that did hit me back then was how unexpected and cool it was to turn our opinion of this jerk grandpa on its head. like i mean whoa! i didnt hate him like everyone else did, i found him pretty funny, but still i wasnt a big fan or anything until i saw that diary entry. like charon does LITERALLY NOTHING in the plot there is no reason they should have added him in a third version, he has no reason to exist unless he was meant to be the guy who introduces rotom’s new forms also added in the game. and it was such a mind blown moment! it doesnt even make him less evil! like “whoa this evil guy used to be a good kid once” could still work even if it WASNT a sign of him having potential redeemability, like it makes him so much more personally evil and horrible if he abandoned his best friend or something. I was so dissappointed you don’t get a boss battle with him, cos i went and caught that rotom and was hyped to defeat him with the pokemon he once betrayed and like there’s NONE OF THAT ANGLE if it was cyrus. it doesnt make rotom any different than any of his other pokemon that he owns right now and we know he already cares about, cos he has a crobat.and it JUST DOESNT MAKE SENSEbecause the journal SOUNDS like charon!they both talk all smart guy style but it felt more formal like how charon talksand like how charon boasts a lot, but the journal has him boasting about his friend instead. it sounds too enthusiastic to be cyrus...and like we already know where cyrus grew up as a kid and it wasnt eterna city. and he doesnt have a secret lab in galactic hq also in eterna city, like charon does. and also he’s not like friggin fifty years old so why would his childhood poke-friend be in a wrecked abandoned house if it was just ten years ago or something. and also why would they give charon this trading card where they draw the 100% evil guy having a vaguely genuine smile on his face and not looking like rotom hates him and he’s got it caged up or anything and also why would the card’s effect be all about friendship and why would they define him as The Rotom Guy and why would they even bother to give a trading card to charon if charon is a pointless character who never did anything important and had no actual relevance to this rotom wifi event except apparantly stealing a bunch of diaries from some other guy who was really responsible for it all. and why would they bother to point out that someone signed the diary if it wasnt the guy who wrote the diary, and also we are not going to sign the diary by the guy who actually wrote it. like if it was meant to be cyrus whey didnt they make it clearer?? nobody could be expected to have figured that out!also why does charon have a second rotom room in silph co in HGSS which timeline wise means he would have had it before DPPT and he’s talking about finding a rotom by chance before he ever found this diary that doesnt really belong to him. like why would he build an entire lab of form machines if he didnt own a rotom yet? how would he know enough to make them actually work for rotom if he never owned a rotom yet?why did nintendo decide to do all this if i wasnt supposed to reach the conclusion that charon had ANYTHING to do with rotom???why didnt they make it fucking clearer. why couldnt i have been saved years of clinging to this stupid ass headcanon and basing a lot of my taste in stories on the whole concept of ‘wow that was so fucking cool how they took a one dimensional looking villain and then turned it on our head with a cool reveal and made me super eager to see future stories with him’ and hey we’re not ever gonna get those and also everyone else was right and i should just give up and agree that ugly looking granddads will always be eviland why the fuck did i somehow link my self worth to such a random ass headcanon for a random ass character like seriously could someone have properly explained cyrus’s plot to me as a kid so i could have had him stop me from committing suicide instead. like seriously if they’d just made cyrus’s grandpa less hard to find and explained the plot more clearly and explained that he was the rotom kid AAAAAAAAARGHand i really didnt fucking need this, usum, right after also people started telling me that lusamine is ~really good~ and her whole child abuse plot is gone now like ha ha ha ha fucking ha lets crush bunni on two damn levelsand what is my fucking luck that this happened to happen right on the same day when i got some stupid ass anon hate and also had a horrible nightmare about my abusive fatherlike seriously dude who sent me this ask im really sorry ive had such an incoherant babbling reply to it, its just been a really bad day for me and like.. im not freaking out because of this minor headcanon being proven wrong, its just like i was already freaking out and having some random irrelevant headcanon bullshit happen right now is REALLY bad timing to push me off the edgehopefully i can calm down and come back and give a more coherant response of like.. why i headcanoned the different thing and why I’m sad its not true, even though i’m happy for you that your personal headcanon did become true instead.but like it sucks to be told ‘nope you’re not allowed to have your favourite character, his one and only personality trait was just a misconception you had’ during such a really bad timing of such an already bad daynintendo could u give us like a sassy science villain gramps who DOES have a redemption plot? or at least a plot that isnt ‘exists to be worse than the main villain’? like seriously why did it happen twice. i was happy at original sun and moon cos it felt like faba as charon but better written but then NOOOOPEjust...god...what.what sort of fuckface up in heaven decided to throw all the bad shit at me today and not at least spread it out across the rest of the week?

[thelosersguidetohappiness-blog]

Web Junkie! Social Media Detox

I am a web junkie. I admit it freely; I hate the internet and yet I crave its sweet caress.

Ah, the internet. That shit friend you can’t trust that you hang around with because they make you laugh, the one who encourages you to stay up late, spend all your money and get into arguments with strangers because it’s funny and then gossips about you behind your back. I spend too long on the internet and the internet drives me crazy. Games, discussion forums, news sites, video sites, information sites: doesn’t matter where I go, I can’t handle the sheer volume of input and the variety of opinions. I stay up late, log in too often, becoming increasingly irritated and anxious. In all honesty, my interaction with the internet is similar to trying to talk to a sugared-up, overtired toddler. Everything gets turned up to eleven and at some point there will be tears and screaming. I can’t focus, I constantly fail to deliver on goals I’ve set and I feel like poop because I’m always tired.

Well, I’m tired of feeling tired. I am over being irritated with myself for always feeling anxious and irritated. I’m done being an Internet Loser™. I am on a mission to achieve Happiness and living with my head in the net is an obstacle to happiness. So last week I decided to conquer my addiction to the net for once and for all. I knew my usual 48 hour riding-out-the-low-until-the-next-fix sabbaticals were not going to be enough to get my head clear of all the noise. The only solution was to do the unthinkable and turn off the netz. Happiness Objective No. 1: Social Media and News Detox No Facebook, no Twitter, no Pinterest, no Messenger, no Instagram, no discussion forums, no news sites. Total disconnection from the loop. Could this Loser make it through a week? Let’s find out.... Day One: Logged out of Facebook and deleted the app from my phone so that I won’t be tempted by notifications. I am free! Free! This is the best thing ever! I am determined to see this through. I will find my inner peace. No more noise.Ten minutes later: I wonder who’s online? Doh! I deleted Facebook. That’s right, I’m off social media. Determined face. Thirty minutes later: I wonder if anyone’s commented on my post about my social media detox? Doh! I deleted Facebook. And Messenger. Wow, my phone is suddenly irrelevant. It’s a useless brick! I mean, who actually CALLS anyone any more? Okay, let’s go wash the dishes. Fifteen minutes later: I wonder what’s on the news? Doh! I’m not checking the news this week. A week seems like a long time…. Day Two: That was a refreshing sleep. Reaches for phone. I wonder what’s been happening on Facebook? Damn, brain! You’re not checking Facebook. Hello? How many times do I have to remind you? Breakfast time – think I’ll listen to a personal development podcast, go work on my Happy. Notifications begin to crop up on Pinterest, Twitter and Instagram. Ooh, temptation. Not tempted. Nope. I’ll move the icons onto the next screen so I can’t see the notifications. There, problem solved. That was easy! I am Winning at Willpower™. I am the bestest. Smug face. Day Three: I feel so calm and at peace and virtuous. I can do this. The invisible thread connecting me to the internet has dissolved. I am myself, alone with my own thoughts. I don’t have a clue what’s going on in the outside world and I don’t care! I am the Queen of Serene™. I am focused, I have clarity, I am motivated to achieve goals I have set for the week. You go, girl! RAWR! Ten minutes later: Dammit, brain! Stop composing messages to friends. Concentrate. Why you no love me? I will defeat you, damn you! Returns to task at hand and refocuses. That’s more like it. I wonder what’s going on in the outside world? Hah! Don’t care. This is awesome. Day Four: I’m borrrrreeeeddddd. I want something to read while I have lunch but I don’t want to hold a book. First world problems. I wanna check the Nettttt. Sadface. Ah! Kindle E-Book – problem solved. Not social media, not news, doesn’t break the rules of the detox. Winner winner chicken dinner! Twenty minutes later: Wow! I have had a brainwave! I am going to start a new blog! Oooh, I’m so excited! I’m going to make notes in my phone while I do house chores. Ah, my phone still has a use. I still love you, my little glowing friend. Day Five: I miss my online friends but I don’t miss the tsunami of mental input they put out. Does that make me a bad friend? Does that make me selfish or is that self-care? Hmm, I still need to work out some of these self-help principles. I feel much less tired now that my mind has slowed down and focused on one thing at a time.  I think I’ll keep this up. I like not being the internet’s bitch. Happy face/Smug face. And I have this cool idea for a new blog (and I want to tell people about it but I can’t because…. detox. Doh!) Day Six: This week is dragging. I want to go online and post about my plans for a blog. I’m so excited! Why did I say a week? Gah! Detox sux. Except I feel really good and clear and peaceful. Detox rox! I’m kinda conflicted. No, it rocks. It really rocks. Day Seven/Eight: I made it. Phew! Blimey, I was so busy getting on with all the things I was doing I didn’t realise the week was up. I’m a day overdue! Ahahahaa! I WON! I BEAT THE INTERNET! In your face, Social Media. I don’t need you! You are not the boss of me! Loser: 1 Internet: 0 Happiness Objective: Achieved Now don’t get me wrong, I see the irony in posting on social media about detoxing from social media. However, I have broken the habit of checking regularly throughout the day to see who’s on and what’s been posted. I check out notifications, scroll for about thirty seconds, check out my friends’ pages to see what they’ve posted and then I’m out. If I see something I disagree with, I don’t post my opinion but instead let it pass by.  I am using Facebook responsibly. Likewise with Twitter and Pinterest. And I don’t message people every day or lurk to see who’s on. In short, I have a much healthier relationship to social media and the news. I still haven’t checked out the news. You can call it head in the sand, I call it knowing my limitations. Constant negativity makes me anxious and unhappy, so I am choosing not to engage. The goal here is to successfully Happy, after all. Happiness Tip: Our use of the internet is a reflection of our relationship with ourselves. If you’re using it as a distraction, avoidance, numbing or as company to the extent that you’re neglecting other areas of your life or your self-care then it’s likely that somewhere in your life a need isn’t being met and it probably revolves around your feelings about yourself. It’s not enough to detox, you’re likely to fall back into the habit unless you get to the cause of your avoidance. My desire to detox came off the back of a realisation that I wanted to achieve more with my life than merely tread water and post opinions on current affairs on social media. I decided to invest my time in me and this gave me the determination to kick the habit. If you feel the same way, you might like to take a look at the areas of your life that you are avoiding. It’s likely that the emotions around those areas are the ones you most need to deal with. I’ve been doing just that and this blog is the result, and in this blog I will cover all the issues I can think of that will help us all learn together How To Happy. See you soon, ta ta for now.

(You can find an alternative version of this post at https://thelosersguidetohappiness.wordpress.com/)