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artificialdaydreamer · 3 years ago

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How to Say "I Love You"

Emotions are hard to understand, conveying how one feels to the person they love is even harder.

Jon had never been good at expressing his emotions. Growing up he mostly absorbed their descriptions from books, how a character was excited for something to happen, how another was jealous of someone else. The feeling he found hardest to comprehend was love. How was it possible to be so completely devoted to another person that it shifted the way you felt about everything? He loved his parents, even now that they were gone. He loved his grandmother, but he got the feeling that the type of love written about in books was different from the emotions he was actually experiencing.

When he started dating Georgie, something he’d entirely misinterpreted when it had first happened, Jon wasn’t sure what the emotions he felt were. Was the yearning to be close to her love? The happiness to have someone he could talk with about inconsequential things? Then again, if what he felt wasn’t love, then what was? Eventually Georgie came to him, told him that while she liked Jon as a friend she didn’t think their relationship was working out. They’d broken up without much fanfare and going from dating to friends didn’t really change how they interacted with each other.

As he watched Martin sleep, his coppery curls catching the light of the rising sun, his face close enough to Jon’s that it was possible to count every freckle, Jon thought he might finally have an answer. He loved Martin, that was the only explanation for why his heart clenched whenever Martin smiled, why his cheeks flushed and his palms started to sweat from the smallest things. This was what people talked about in those books, what they yearned for with such intensity, wasn’t it?

When had he started feeling like this? When had Jon’s feelings for Martin turned to love? Was it when he’d gone into the Lonely? When Martin had started working for Peter Lukas and Jon was no longer able to see him? Earlier? How long had he loved Martin and just not realized it?

Jon lay there, thinking back to their interactions over the years. Next to him Martin started to stir, blue eyes blinking open slowly. “Morning.” Martin said with a smile.

“Good morning.” Jon tried to keep his voice from shaking as his heart pounded in time with his thoughts. I love you, I love you, I love you.

From then on it was hard to not feel overwhelmed by the love, like a wave crashing over him. Jon would be in the middle of a sentence before getting distracted by Martin, how beautiful he was, his laugh. I love you, I love you, I love you. How did people deal with these emotions?

He started to use actions instead of the words he could not say. Making sure they had enough of Martin’s favorite tea in the safehouse. I love you, I love you, I love you. Offering to cook breakfast so Martin could stay in bed a bit longer. I love you, I love you, I love you. Letting his fingers linger a bit longer than was necessary whenever they touched. I love you, I love you, I love you.

They’d decided to take a walk into town, grab some groceries, and stretch their legs, passing the field full of cows Martin stopped and cooed over them. He’d gotten out his phone to take pictures and the moment was so... normal compared to everything they’d been through that Jon started chuckling.

“What’s so funny?” Martin had asked, tearing his eyes from the cows to look at Jon in confusion.

“Nothing,” Jon took a breath, trying to burn this moment into his memory. “I just love you so much.”

There was a moment of silence where Martin just stared at him, his freckled face looking even redder thanks to the glow of the setting sun. “Wait... What?”

For a heartbeat Jon wondered if he’d said the wrong thing, although he hadn’t even meant to say it at all. He couldn’t help but question if Martin’s confession of “I really loved you” meant that those feelings were gone. Had he been the only one who worried about just what the emotions flooding through his veins meant? Was he just imagining that Martin felt the same way?

“I- I’m sorry... I didn’t mean-” Jon was floundering now, scrambling for something to say to make the situation right again. “If you don’t- I’m sorry.”

“You... Do you mean that?” Martin’s cheeks were practically scarlet, his phone now dangling precariously in one hand.

“I... Yes?” Despite the fact Jon had already come to terms with his feelings, had already said the words aloud, it felt like an entirely different thing to answer when his thoughts were in such turmoil. He didn’t know how to respond in a way that wouldn’t sound selfish, asking for affection he knew in his heart he didn’t deserve. Even if Martin did still like him there wasn’t anything that Jon could do to atone for the thing’s he had said, the things he had done, the person he’d been to have treated Martin so terribly. It was ironic, that at the time he’d swatted away such affection yet now he craved it as though he were an addict suffering from withdrawal. As though he’d been living underground and now that he’d seen sunlight he couldn’t get enough.

The expression on Martin’s face was hard to understand. Was it sadness? Pity? The books Jon had read as a child had talked about brows furrowing, lips being bitten, eyes not being met, but those individual descriptions could apply to so many emotions and Jon didn’t know what it was Martin might be feeling. It was all Jon could do to not scrunch his eyes up as Martin took a tentative step closer, then another, bridging the gap between them and effectively forcing all the air from Jon’s lungs. Then he’d swept Jon up in his arms, Jon’s face nestling into the crook of his neck. It was so warm and comfortable... It felt like Jon belonged there.

“S-sorry...” Martin gasped as they broke apart, his face still red as he seemed to examine Jon for some sort of reaction. “I should have asked first, but I- Are you okay?”

In all honesty Jon was not okay. His brain was attempting to sort out just what he was feeling, synapses firing and crossing out things like anger and disgust with only his limited knowledge of emotions to go off of. Again, the words and feeling threatened to overwhelm him with the constant pounding of I love you, I love you, I love you.

“Jon?” Martin waved a hand in front of his face and it was a real effort for Jon to pull himself out of his thoughts enough to meet Martin’s gaze. “Did I do something wrong?”

“N-no... I just... I wasn’t expecting- I didn’t know if-”

“Wait... Jon, did you not think I felt the same?” Martin’s eyes were wide, reflecting the setting sun.

“I, I’m not sure.” He’d spent so much time absorbed in his own thoughts that he hadn’t actually thought of what might happen if he confessed. He hadn’t even thought about confessing. Jon realized that he’d somehow become content with just loving Martin and not telling him. He’d convinced himself that Martin was better off without him, and that there wasn’t a point in confessing.

“Jon, I’ve loved you for the past two years.” Martin’s voice was soft, his cheeks still flushed as he stared at Jon.

“What?” Jon squawked, taking a step back in surprise. Martin reached out and grabbed Jon’s hand in his own, it was so warm, so comforting.

“Well, not exactly two years...” Martin ran his free hand through his coppery curls. “Since the thing with Prentiss, when you let me stay in the Archives...”

Jon remembered those long nights they’d spent together after Martin had started living in the document storage room. At first Jon had found Martin’s presence kind of annoying, it was impossible to get some time by himself. Then he’d realized what was going on, although he couldn’t explain just how he’d known.

Martin didn’t want to be alone.

While he’d admitted during his statement that boredom had been the thing that had been the hardest to deal with, Jon suspected loneliness had also plagued him. Cut off from everyone, no internet, no phone, and it wasn’t like he could talk to Jane Prentiss. It certainly explained why Martin felt the need to check on Jon every half hour.

Once he’d realized why Martin was acting like a concerned parent he made an effort to take more breaks so they could talk. At first it had been hard to find topics for discussion, as Jon was as good with small talk as he was with emotions, but bringing up the Admiral had certainly broken the ice. After that Jon found it easier to connect with Martin, it was still somewhat awkward, but he certainly made an effort. Jon had also ended up staying in the Archives overnight a handful of times as well, partially because he had work to do and partially to keep Martin company.

It had been those nights where they’d started to connect, going out to eat so they could both eat a decent meal, talking about random things to pass the time while they struggled to fall asleep. Jon had started to get a sense of who Martin was, underneath the jumpers and tea. He was earnest and always tried his best to do whatever task Jon set for him, no matter how absurd it was. He also had a mischievous side to him and had no problem joining Tim in his pranks, although Martin was much better at keeping the pranks a secret.

It felt strange, getting to know a person through whispered conversations, over tea breaks, or at a cafe. Jon was never good with friendships, never good at telling what people wanted from him, so he’d ended up pushing everyone away. After his encounter with Mr. Spider he only became more withdrawn, survivor’s guilt eating him up inside. Martin wasn’t like the others though. Despite the fact that Jon was horrible at communicating, horrible at deciphering what emotions anyone might be feeling at any given time, Martin didn’t seem to care. He seemed to be genuinely happy to spend time with Jon, which was just as foreign a concept.

Now, despite everything that had happened in the past few years, Martin had stayed with him. An anchor in the churning waves that threatened to wash him away from everything he knew and cared about. Jon loved him for that. “I think that’s when I started to fall for you too. I didn’t- I didn’t realize at the time...”

“Oh, I definitely didn’t realize either.” Martin’s cheeks were slightly less flushed than they had been. “I think I realized it when- this is going to sound crazy...”

“You realized it when, Martin?” Jon couldn’t help but ask, smiling at the flustered look on Martin’s face.

“It... It was when I told you about lying on my CV.” Martin sighed, not daring to meet Jon’s gaze. “You, you were so mad at first but after I told you... You just started laughing and I remember looking at you and thinking ‘really? This is the man I fell in love with?’ Thankfully Tim... Tim was too distracted by everything else going on to pay attention to my hopeless crush.”

“Not so hopeless.” Jon squeezed Martin’s hand. “I knew how much I cared about you when I woke up in the hospital after my coma. Georgie was there, and I remember being sad because it was you I wanted to see.” It felt strange to say the words aloud, as though he was only understanding what had happened. He’d been thinking about it so much over the past few weeks, since he’d realized that he loved Martin, but it took saying the words aloud for him to notice. “It was funny, the months that followed, I thought it was a fitting punishment for how I’d treated you. Wanting to be close to someone and yet unable to do so. I knew I loved you a few days after we arrived here.”

“Is that why you were acting so weird?”

“Look, I... I’m not the best with emotions. I don’t get them, I don’t understand how I feel half the time. With other people it’s even harder, trying to piece together how they’re feeling based on their expression or the tone of their voice...” Since he was still holding Martin’s hand Jon couldn’t cross his arms defensively over his chest, so he settled for putting his free hand in his pocket. “This is the first time I’ve ever... I’ve ever felt something so intensely. I didn’t know what to do, how to act, now that I knew I loved you.”

“I get it, emotions are hard. Can I help?” Martin asked, his lips quirked in a small smile.

“Sure? I guess so?”

“How did you feel when I told you that I loved you?”

Jon had to think about it, he’d been so overwhelmed by the tidal wave of emotions that he wasn’t sure what any of them had been. “I was... I think I was happy.”

“You think?”

“I was happy, alright?” Jon huffed. “I was also shocked, and confused... Mostly I was happy, because I loved you so much.”

“Alright, that’s good to know.” Martin took a step closer, still smiling. “How would you feel if I kissed you?”

The answer came easier this time. “Happy. I’d feel happy.”

“May I kiss you?”

“Absolutely.” Jon didn’t know what to expect from Martin kissing him. He’d kissed Georgie and while it hadn’t been unpleasant he hadn’t gotten anything from the experience. This time however, Jon could taste the remnants of whatever chapstick Martin had used, strawberry maybe? He felt how warm Martin’s lips were, despite the cold day, their heat bleeding into him. He wrapped his arms around Martin and pulled them closer, trying to memorize everything as it happened. Martin’s scent, the wool of his jumper, how fast both their hearts were beating. In his head Jon was panicking. He didn’t know what to do, or if what he was doing was the right thing to do. He attempted to understand what the emotions he felt were: happiness... amazement... and love. So much love. Was love even an emotion? He didn’t know, but it certainly overwhelmed his senses.

When they broke apart Martin was smiling and, more surprisingly, Jon was smiling back. “Let’s take it one day at a time, alright? We can work out what you might be feeling together.”

“I- I’d like that.”

I love you, I love you, I love you.

The words still rattled around in his mind, but for once they didn’t worry him. Jon might not understand love, or emotions, or why the characters in his books had behaved a certain way, but it didn’t matter. Martin loved him back, and that was more than enough for him.

I've been sitting on this fic for a year due to some personal issues, on a related note this is not betaed, I apologize for any mistakes there might be

#tma #the magnus archives #jonathan sims #martin blackwood #jonmartin #jmart #tma fic #my fic

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berrynarrybanana · 4 years ago

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Deck the Halls pt. 2

A/N: Okay! Here is part two! I’m sorry I’m a little later than the evening, but I forgot that I had work tonight....anyways...here is part two. Harry is being a little cheesy and romantic in this one, and I love that about him because even though he’s a scrooge, he’s still baby for Holland. I hope that you all are enjoying this so far, and expect part three at any random point in the day tomorrow lol. Love you all!

Warnings: Mentions of death, violence, smut, fluff....other things i can’t remember at this moment?

Word Count: 9.7k

Holland’s POV

Holland stood there, staring at the dark blue paint on Harry’s door with wide eyes.

“He really has lost his true Christmas spirit, hasn’t he?” She whispered, shaking her head as her heart sank just a little in her chest. “Sugar sticks, this is going to be harder than I thought.”

She turned towards her own door, walking back inside of her flat with a sigh.

London had been her home for about ten hours now, and she was more than ecstatic to finally have her own place. It wasn’t the size of her home back in the North Pole, and it wasn’t nearly as grand, but it was hers and she loved it. Her Father showed her around London for most of the day, helping her settle in before he finally bid her farewell, and since he’d left her alone, she had been sitting on the couch in her flat, binge watching movies that she’d never seen before.

During a sappy movie about falling in love at Christmas, Holland felt a strong pull in the center of her chest. Her heart started beating rapidly, and her palms were sweaty. At some point, she slipped off of the couch before she started pacing in front of her door. Everything in her brain screamed at her to open the door, to poke her head out and see what could be in the hall.

So she did.

And there Harry was, walking down the hallway like he stepped right out of her dream.

Now that she had finally met him, she was worried that fixing his spirit would be a challenge that she couldn’t handle. She walked back into her flat with a dark cloud over her head, and a sad feeling in her chest. In her mind, their first meeting was magical and grand. She didn’t expect for it to be over in under ten minutes, and she definitely didn’t expect to faint when she first saw him. It made her cringe just thinking about it, her body hitting the ground after they met eyes.

She was in London to find him, for gingerbread sake.

She knew that she would obviously run into him at some point.

As she curled back under her blanket on her new couch, a Christmas film still playing on the television, she started to think about what happened to Harry’s true Christmas spirit. After reading the book that Morpheus gave her, she came up with a few odd theories on what might have caused his spirit to dim, but she didn’t have any solid proof.

All she really knew about the situation was that Jack Frost wanted to destroy Christmas, and he wanted to absorb the powerful magic that only two souls forged from the same star could grant him. It just so happened that Harry and Holly were both souls forged from the same star, and souls that contained true Christmas spirit. It was a double whammy that could give Jack Frost the power to destroy any other magical being, including Santa Claus himself.

She tried not to dwell on the negative parts of her journey to London, but the positive ones instead. Her soulmate was just across the hall from her, and though it would clearly take some time to warm him up to the idea of soulmates, he was still there. They were both safe when they were together, according to Erotes. His presence would cloak hers, protecting her from any outside forces, and her presence would bring light and joy into his heart.

It was all very exciting, having a soulmate that could protect her and love her (even if he wasn’t there quite yet.) and she was excited to learn everything she could about him. Morpheus and Erotes had a theory that the nightmares might cease with the souls being near each other, and Holland kept that in the front of her mind as she started to doze off on her couch.

But she still had a nightmare.

She had one worse than the last few that she’d had, actually.

This time, there was no mercy at the hands of Jack Frost.

This time, he knew that she was watching and taking notes. He made sure to pull her out of the ice by her hair, holding her up as she gasped out. He looked her in the eye, the chill that he sent through her body much colder than the water he held her under. Jack Frost looked her dead in the eyes before he looked back at Harry with a smirk. His lips pressed into hers next, kissing her with cold and slimy lips before he dunked her head back under the water. This time, she heard Harry screaming from the shore, his voice laced with agony as he called her name out.

Holland woke up to the sound of banging on her door, her name being called out.

She let out a shriek, her body falling off the couch in shock.

She recognized Harry’s voice, scrambling to her feet as quick as she could before she opened the door. He stood there, his chest heaving and his eyes dark as he looked at her with tear stained cheeks. Her heart shattered in her chest, her body relaxing when she realized he was safe and that he was standing right there in front of her. He let out a sigh, reaching up to brush his sleeve under his nose. She crossed her arms over her chest, anxiously shifting on her feet as he stared into her eyes for a few minutes in silence.

“You’re alright?” He asked her, licking over his bottom lip as she nodded. “Fuck me.”

“Excuse me?” She asked, her eyes growing wide. “I beg your pardon?”

“Oh, no.” Harry said quickly, his hands flying up in defense. “I didn’t mean it like that, Holland. I swear, it’s just an expression.”

She cleared her throat, pressing her lips together as she nodded slowly.

“Well, since you’re alright, I’m gonna go back to bed.” Harry said softly, gulping as he brushed his palms over the outside of his thighs. “Just do me a favor, and don’t go near any lakes.”

“Noted.” She whispered. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” he whispered, pulling her door shut.

“What in the candy canes is wrong with that boy?” She muttered falling back onto her couch with a heavy groan. “My soulmate is insane.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️

November 11 Holland’s POV

Holland didn’t see Harry for four days after their initial meeting.

She expected him to come banging on her door when the nightmares happened again, but she didn’t hear a peep out of him. She had to admit that they were pretty standard nightmares compared to the ones they had been sharing the last few nights. They were just run of the mill, ‘oops, Jack Frost got me again’ nightmares that she’d been having almost her entire life.

During the time that they spent apart, the night that they met continued to replay in her head. She couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d run across the hall in his pajamas just to bang on her door in the middle of the night to check on her. He looked so heartbroken, and distraught, that it almost broke her heart to see him that way. She realized then that she could feel his emotions just as strong as she felt her own. Their souls were one and the same, and they were both hurting. It made Holland want to wrap herself around him, but that was hard to do when he was never around.

She also could tell when he was home due to the warm feeling that flowed through her veins and the pull in her chest. That feeling was the reason that she knew he was never home, and she wondered if he was avoiding her because of it. So instead of sitting around and pining after him, she decided to hit the streets and explore the new city that she’d always dreamed of seeing as a little girl. There was on use in wasting her time here, waiting for Harry to come around.

He would come to her in his own time.

On her second day in London, she decided to bundle herself up before taking herself on a walk around the small village area that she lived in. It was filled with cobblestones and tiny shops preparing for the biggest (and best) holiday of the year. Everyone was slowly putting up decorations in their windows, covering the glass outside with fake frost. Holland absolutely adored it, even if it wasn’t the same as The North Pole. She loved the enthusiasm and the electric feeling in the air that only Christmas could inspire.

On the fourth day, she ventured just a little farther than her tiny village to the busier streets of London. She was lost in her head, watching the people rush by as they talked to themselves. It made her a little nervous when she saw cotton stuffed in their ears, and she wondered if maybe it was a cultural thing that she knew nothing of. She made a mental note to ask Harry about it the next time that she saw him.

“Grab a cup of Christmas cheer!” Holland turned her head at the sound of ringing bells that sounded like they belonged on Santa’s sleigh, and the word Christmas. “Come to Java Java for our signature holiday Peppermint Mocha!”

“Peppermint.” Holland’s lips spread into a smile as she turned around, moving in the crowd of people towards the shop. “I love peppermint.”

She was starting to understand why people talked to themselves, but it still seemed weird.

Holland walked towards the shop, smiling at the elf standing outside with a sign in her hand.

“Hello, kind elf.” Holland waved at her, causing the girl to give her a funny look. “What is a peppermint mocha, and how do I get one?”

“It’s coffee, and you just go inside-” The girl said, her brows raising. “-and pay for one.”

“Oh, that’s easy!” Holland exclaimed. “Thank you for your help! Merry Christmas.”

She reached for the door, pulling at the handle, but it didn’t budge.

“You push it.” The girl said, her voice trailing off. “The door is a push, not a pull lady.”

Holland’s cheeks grew warm as she pushed the door open, smiling over her shoulder at the girl.

When she walked into the cafe, she felt like she was back in the North Pole.

Java Java was adorable and Holland was ecstatic to see their decorations. There was tinsel draped over almost every surface, and little reindeer figurines on the counter tops. As she stood in line, she noticed a little girl looking up at her with wide eyes, a little doll in her hands that caught Holland’s attention. The doll looked a bit like her, with white blonde hair and a pretty blue dress.

Holland was almost confused by it.

“Hello there,” Holland crouched down, pointing at the doll. “What’s her name?”

“Elsa.” The little girl whispered, looking at the doll and then back at Holland. “Are you Elsa?”

“I’m sorry.” Holland glanced up at the sound of someone’s voice. “She’s absolutely obsessed with Frozen and...you do kind of look like Elsa.”

“That’s what I thought when I saw her doll.” Holly smiled at the girl's mother before looking back at the girl. “What does Elsa do?”

“She’s a princess.” The little girl spoke with a lisp due to her missing front teeth. “She can shoot ice from her hands.”

“That’s so cool!” Holland gasped in excitement. “And her dress is so pretty.”

“I want one just like it when I grow up.” The little girl smiled. “I want to be a princess.”

“Well, everyone can be a princess.” Holland said. “I’m a princess.”

“You are?” The girl’s eyes grew wide before she snapped her head up to look at her Mum. “Did you hear that Mummy? She’s a princess.”

“I heard, Maddy.” The mother chuckled, glancing at Holland. “Isn’t that amazing?”

“Can you make me a princess?” Maddy bounced on the balls of her feet. “I want to be a princess just like you and Elsa!”

“Oh, I’m afraid that I can’t make you a princess.” Holly said softly “Being a princess comes from within, Maddy.”

“Like from your tummy?” She asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Like from your heart.” Holland giggled. “Do you have a kind heart?”

“I think so.” Maddy nodded. “I like to read to the ducks in the park, does that make me kind?”

“I think it might.” Holland nodded. “Being a princess also means that you must be brave, are you brave?”

“I fell off of my bike last week, and I didn’t even cry!” Maddy exclaimed turning back to her mother with a smile.

“That is quite brave.” Holland hummed, tapping her finger against her chin as if she was deep in thought. “Well, I guess that makes you a princess, Maddy.”

“Mummy, I’m a princess!” Maddy cheered out. “Just like Elsa!”

Holland stood up, looking at the Mother as she smiled at her daughter.

“That was really kind of you.” The lady said. “She probably won’t stop talking about it for the rest of her life.”

“I’m glad it made her day just a little brighter.” Holland chuckled, stuffing her hands in her pocket. “She’s a very lovely little girl. You’re doing a wonderful job with her.”

The woman’s face softened, her eyes filling with tears.

“Thank you.” She said. “I don’t mean to cry, it’s just that...things have been hard since her father passed away.”

“Oh my.” Holland said. “I’m so sorry.”

“She truly is a brave little girl.” The mother wiped under her eyes, sniffling. “She’s been keeping me afloat during this entire thing, and I just...you making her smile has been the best thing that’s happened to us all year.”

Holland’s heart squeezed in her chest, and before she knew it, she was wrapping the woman in a hug.

“Everything will work out just fine.” Holland whispered. “You’re going to be alright.”

“Thank you.” She hugged Holland back.

Holland continued talking to Maddy and her mother while they stood in line, and after a little bit of back and forth, she even paid for their drinks and a special treat. She waved them both off when they left the shop, playfully curtsying in honor of Princess Maddy. When Holland went to order her own drink, the girl behind the counter stared back at her with wide eyes.

“You really do look like Elsa.” She said. “Are you into cosplay?”

“I don’t know what that is.” Holland laughed, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “And I don’t really know who Elsa is.”

“She’s a cartoon character in a movie.” The girl explained with a chuckle. “It’s called Frozen.”

“I should watch that.” Holland made a mental note. “What’s your name?”

“Oh, it’s Sarah.” The girl pointed to her name tag. “I forgot to ask what you would like, I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite alright!” Holland said. “I would like four of your peppermint mocha drinks and as many of your sugar cookies as I can buy.”

“Oh, okay.” Sarah typed at the screen, nodding her head. “Are you going to drink all of those by yourself?”

“No, I thought that I would pass them out to strangers to brighten their day.” Holland said, pulling the card that her father gifted her from her pocket before handing it over to a chuckling Sarah.

“That’s funny.” Sarah said, handing the card back.

“Why?” Holland’s brows pulled together.

“Oh, you were serious.” Sarah said, her face turning to shock. “It’s not a bad thing, I just thought you were being sarcastic.”

“I don’t know what that means.” Holland said softly, her cheeks growing warm.

It was starting to become a pain, not knowing things.

“It just means that you’re trying to be silly by saying something that you don’t really mean, but like you mean it….if that makes any sense?” Sarah said.

“Oh that makes perfect sense.” Holland said it as if she meant it, but she didn’t.

“Really?” Sarah asked.

“No, I was actually trying out the sarcastic thing.” Holland giggled. “Did it work?”

“It did.” Sarah tossed her head back with a loud chuckle. “You’re really funny, um-”

“It’s Holly.” She said.

“Holly.” Sarah nodded. “I think you’re great.”

“Thanks, I think you’re pretty cool too!” Holland smiled. “I’m sure I’ll see you again if I like this peppermint mocha thing. I really love sugar and sweets.”

“We’ve got plenty here.” Sarah said. “Have a great day, Holly.”

“You too, Sarah!”

When Holland had a tray full of coffee in one hand and a bag full of sugar cookies in the other, she set off in search of something. There was a warm pull in her chest, one that told her Harry was close by. She followed her instinct, turning down several alleyways and small side streets until she found herself standing in front of a black door with chipped paint.

There was an equally worn sign hanging above the door that read Paradise Records. She did her best to open the door with a full tray of coffee, still upset that no one wanted to take any of the drinks she offered them. Everytime she stopped a stranger, they turned their nose up in disgust before walking off with a sour look on their faces.

Holland, however, had downed her entire drink.

She was honestly considering taking another one for herself, if no one else would drink it. It was sweet, and filled with notes of chocolate and peppermint. It was like heaven in a tiny paper cup, and she made a mental note to insist that her father make them a staple at his bakery when she finally made it back home to the North Pole. As Holland walked into the shop, she caught sight of a boy with dirty blonde hair writing something down in a journal. There was another boy with long, dark brown hair sitting on a stool behind the counter with a guitar.

What she didn’t expect to see as she walked up to the counter, was Harry.

He walked through a beaded curtain, his eyes trained on a sheet of paper and his brows furrowed.

“Harry!” Holland chirped out, sitting the tray of drinks and cookies down on the counter. “Oh my garland!”

All three boys turned their attention towards Holland, but she was only looking at Harry.

“What-” Harry muttered. “How?”

“I don’t know, I just...I was walking and here I am!” She smiled, clapping her mitten covered hands together. “I went to this bakery because I heard someone talking about peppermint mocha, and I love peppermint. So I got one for me, and then I got more for other people, but everyone just looked at me funny when I tried to hand them out. And I met this little girl and I helped her become a princess, and then I learned that I look like Elsa-”

“Holland!” Harry said her name, causing her to take a deep breath. “Breathe.”

“Holland, baby, breathe!”

The memory of Harry calling her baby while he tried to bring her back to life sent a shock wave of ice water over her body. She stared back at him, her breathing a little heavier as his brows furrowed. He almost seemed worried, as if Holland was going to talk the air out of her lungs.

“I thought I was bad with coffee.” The boy with short brown hair snorted out a laugh, reaching for a cup. “I’ll drink your peppermint mocha, love.”

“Yeah, go ahead.” Holland said, her eyes still locked on Harry. “Um, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.” He cleared his throat, dropping his paper to the counter. “Have you never had coffee?”

“No.” She said. “What is it?”

“Magical little beans that give a lot of energy.” The boy said, taking a sip from the paper cup with a hum. “This is so good. Where did you get this?”

“Java Java.” Holland turned towards the boy with a small smile. “There was a really lovely lady named Sarah there that made them for me.”

“Mitch!” The boy smiled, looking over at the boy with long hair as he stopped playing guitar. “Did you hear that? Sarah made these.”

“Shut up, Niall.” Mitch grumbled.

“Do you know Sarah?” Holland turned towards Mitch as her smile grew. “I love Sarah, she’s such a wonderful person.”

“She’s cool.” He nodded, offering Holland a small smile.

“Mitchell has a crush on Sarah.” Niall snickered, glancing at Mitch.

“Oh!” Holland chirped, looking between both boys. “Having a crush is a lot of fun, isn’t it! I have one on Harry.”

“Okay!” Harry interrupted, dropping the papers to the countertop. “I’m getting my coat and walking you home, I think you’ve had enough excitement for the day.”

“Harry’s got a girlfriend.” Niall sang out, but his voice was cut off as Harry landed a smack to the back of his head.

Holland pressed her mitten covered hands to her lips, watching with wide eyes.

“That’s for sleeping with my sister.” Harry said. “And for teasing.”

“Oh, c’mon.” Niall groaned out, looking over at Mitch as he smirked.

“He said you would get it when you least expected it.” Mitch shrugged, going back to playing his guitar. “You deserved that one.”

“Is having a crush on Harry a bad thing?” Holland asked. “Why did he hit Niall?”

“Because Niall is dating Harry’s sister.” Mitch said. “And Niall and Harry are best friends.”

“My brother is dating my best friend.” Holland said. “Pippa and Nick are very happy together! That’s not a bad thing, is it?”

“No, it’s not, but Niall is an arse.” Harry’s voice made Holland’s heart rate pick up. “Let’s go.”

“It was lovely to meet you!” Holland waved at Mitch and Niall. “I’ll see you again soon!”

“Oh, definitely.” Niall chuckled. “Goodbye!”

❄️❄️❄️❄️

Harry’s POV

Harry guided Holland out of the shop with his hand hovering over her lower back.

He made a mental note to never give her coffee ever again. He had never seen anyone talk so fast before in his life, and he knew Niall, for fuck’s sake. When they made it into the cold, London air, Holland curled in on herself. Harry felt a jolt of panic rush through his bones, reminders of her cold body lying on ice flashing before his eyes. He couldn’t explain the itch he got in his arms, but the urge to hold her close was almost unbearable. He didn’t hesitate to wrap his arm around her waist, pulling her into his side.

“Is this alright?” He asked her, his cheeks burning up as she smiled at him. “You look cold so I thought-”

“Yeah, it’s nice.” She said. “I didn’t mean to embarrass you in front of your friends, Harry.”

“You didn’t.” He said quickly. “But they don’t know about you, or my dreams.”

He felt horrible for keeping things from them, but he couldn’t tell them about her.

They would think he was certifiable, especially now that she was real.

“I didn’t tell my friends, either.” Holland said softly. “I thought they would be afraid of me if I told them.”

Harry’s eyes snapped towards hers, a hint of a smile playing on his lips.

“I don’t think anyone could be afraid of you, Holland.” He chuckled, tightening his arm around her waist as a crowd of people rushed by them. “You’re like Bambi.”

“Okay, first I was Elsa, and now I’m Bambi!” She tossed her hands in the air, causing Harry to laugh at the adorable expression on her face. “I don’t know what any of that means...well, I know now that Elsa is a princess who has ice in her hands.”

“Something like that.” Harry laughed softly. “And Bambi is a baby deer who has a lot of trouble walking.”

“I walk perfectly fine.” Holland frowned at Harry, her lips pouting out in a way that made him want to fall to his knees. “Well, except for when I skip to my death on a frozen lake.”

“That was too soon.” Harry shook his head, his fingers grasping at her coat protectively as his expression shifted. “That’s not funny, Holland.”

“Gumdrop, you need to smile more.” She sighed, shaking her head. “I’m starting to think that might be the reason you lost your Christmas spirit.”

Harry stopped in his tracks, his blood running colder than the wind whipping around them.

His arm slipped from around her waist slowly.

“What did you say?” He watched Holland turn to stand in front of him, her eyes wide and her lips pressed together.

“Your Christmas spirit? It’s kind of in danger.” She said softly, glancing down at her feet. “And it’s my job to fix it.”

Christmas spirit.

There were thousands of questions running through his mind.

But shamefully, his first reaction was harsh defense to get her to back off.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He let out a bitter laugh, brushing his fingers through his hair, fluffing up the curly strands. “You can’t fix me, I’m not bloody broken just because I don’t like Christmas.”

“I’m not trying to fix you, Harry.” She said. “Your soul is just a little lost and I’m just here to help restore it.”

“That’s basically the same thing as fixing me.” He snapped, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “If that’s what you’re really here for, you can go back to wherever you came from, because you can’t make it better.”

“I can try.” She said. “I don’t know what happened, and I don’t expect you to tell me, but I can try to make things better.”

“I don’t need your pity.” He snarled. “I don’t need anyone.”

“Well, I need you.” She said quickly, her hands reaching out for him. “I need you in my life, Harry.”

“I can’t save you.” He shook his head. “I’ve been trying to save you for sixteen years, Holland, and I can’t do it.”

“That’s just a nightmare.” She said. “When it happens in real life, you’ll save me because you have to.”

“I can’t.” He whispered as she moved closer to him. “I can’t just watch you die, Holland.”

“You won’t.” She tentatively slipped her arms around his abdomen, the familiar scent catching Harry’s attention as she rested her cheek against his chest. “We’re going to figure this out, I promise.”

Harry melted in her arms, sliding his own around her body as he pressed his nose into the soft material of her bright red coat. He inhaled sharply, the scent of berries and clove soothing his senses. He couldn't be upset with her, no matter how hard he tried. So he gave in as her fingers toyed with the ends of his long curls, and her breath warming up his neck.

He needed her too.

And he couldn’t explain it, but his heart ached for her.

“How?” He whispered against her shoulder before lifting his head up to look down at her. “How can we figure this out?”

“I’m working on it.” She gave him a smile that was meant to be reassuring, but he could see through her facade. “I’m doing everything I can to fix this, Harry, but I need you to let me in just a little. I can’t do this without you.”

He swallowed around the lump in his throat, nodding.

“That’s going to be hard.” He said. “I don’t let anyone in.”

“Well, I promise to treat your soul and your heart kindly.” She said. “Seeing you down makes me feel down, Harry. I would never hurt you, ever.”

“I’ve already hurt you, haven’t I?” He said softly, lifting a hand to brush a few strands of hair from her face. “I’ve hurt your feelings.”

“You just…” She licked over her bottom lip, and Harry bit back a groan at the sight of her candy pink tongue. “You can be a bit...well, like Scrooge sometimes.”

“Ow.” Harry said, a smile pulling at his lips as Holland tried to hold back her own. “That hurt my feelings.”

Her face fell, and Harry’s eyes grew wide.

“No, Holland, I didn’t mean that seriously.” He said. “I was just-”

“Being sarcastic.” She exclaimed, her eyes lighting up. “Sarah taught me about that today.”

“Did she?” Harry chuckled. “Sarah is really lovely.”

“She is.” Holland nodded, her eyes glancing up towards the sky as she thought aloud. “And I think she’s gonna marry Mitch.”

Harry’s eyes grew wide, his arms tightening around Holland’s waist in shock.

“Excuse me?” Harry asked, his heart beating faster. “What?”

“I don’t know, after I saw Mitch, I just kept picturing Sarah in this lovely white dress with flowers in her hair.” Holly looked back at Harry. “What?”

“Are you a psychic or something?” He asked softly. “Like, can you see the future? Is that why we keep having those dreams? And why is it me that’s meant to save you? Why did you chose me, I don’t-”

“Harry.” Holland lifted her hand, brushing her fingers over his cheek. “Breathe, gumdrop.”

Breathe.

He inhaled sharply before letting out a long exhale.

“I have a lot of questions.” He shook his head, biting at the inside of his cheek. “Do you...would you like to talk about it with me over dinner?”

Holland raised her brows, pressing her lips together as Harry tried not to squirm.

“Are you asking me out on a date, gumdrop?” She sang softly, swaying on her feet as Harry dropped his head back, groaning.

“If I was, would you say yes?” He glanced at her, tilting his head forward slightly.

“Yes.” She said. “I said I have a crush on you, what makes you think that I would say no?”

Harry tried to fight off the smile creeping up on his lips.

“You’re really cute.” He said softly. “And I hate that you make me feel like a fucking kid, but I also really like it. I haven’t been this...reckless in a really long time.”

“Well, I’m yours for-” Holland snapped her mouth shut, shaking her head. “We’ll save that for dinner, yeah?”

“Whatever you say.” He chuckled, brushing his palms over her back. “Let’s get you home, okay? It’s cold out here and I don’t want you freezing to death.”

Harry blinked rapidly after he spoke, the weight of his words sinking in as Holland let out a loud laugh. She tilted her head back, slapping her mitten covered palm over her mouth as Harry inhaled through his nose, his lips smashing together as he nodded.

“Let’s just forget that I said that.” Harry cleared his throat awkwardly as Holland laughed loudly. “C’mon, Bambi.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️

Holland’s POV

Holland spent three hours looking for something to wear to dinner with Harry.

They weren’t actually going anywhere, but she still wanted to look nice for him.

Before Harry left Holland on her doorstep, they made a plan to get pizza (because Harry learned that Holland had never had pizza before) and talk. They didn’t put any pressure on the evening by going into detail on what they would talk about, but she could tell that Harry was having an internal battle as he said goodbye to her. He brushed his knuckles over her cheek before he took off down the hallway of their complex, his head ducked down and his hands in his pockets. Holland smiled the entire time she watched him walk away, her heart fluttering.

She spent most of her afternoon dancing around and singing to herself. It was the first time in her life that she would be just a normal girl, not Santa’s daughter or a Christmas Princess. She would just be Holland, a girl living in London, eating pizza with her soulmate. She couldn’t wait to learn more about Harry and his life, and her mind was reeling with questions to ask him.

Holland decided to wear a blush colored sweater with little pearls stitched into the fabric, and a pair of light wash jeans. She put on some fuzzy socks so that her toes wouldn’t get cold, and she tossed her hair up so that it would stay out of the way while she was eating pizza. She wasn’t sure what eating pizza entailed, or what it was, but she didn’t want her hair getting in the way. When her hair was up, she tried out the new lip product that a lady sold to her a few days ago when she was in Harrods. She let out a soft ooh when she swiped it over her lips, smiling.

When she was done with the lipstick, a series of knocks pulled her attention from the mirror in her bathroom. Harry was home, and she could feel it in her chest.

When she opened the door, Harry stood there with his hands in his coat pockets, and a sympathetic smile on his lips. Holland raised her brows when she saw Niall and Mitch behind Harry, both standing there with smug smirks on their own lips.

“So, I know that we were supposed to have pizza tonight.” Harry cleared his throat. “But I forgot that it was Wednesday, and that I had plans with these two idiots tonight.”

“Hey, I am not an idiot.” Mitch pushed Harry’s shoulder with a scowl. “Niall might be, but I’m not.”

“Hey!” Niall glared at Mitch. “That was rude.”

Holland tried not to laugh, rolling her lips in as Harry closed his eyes and let out a sigh.

She could sense his frustration by more than the look on his face.

“It’s okay, Harry.” Holland smiled at him, shrugging her shoulders. “We can do pizza tomorrow.”

“Yeah, we can.” He opened his eyes, nodding. “But I also wanted to ask if you would like to join us? My sister will be there, and so will Sarah.”

“Sarah!” Holland smiled wider. “Let me get my shoes!”

“You might have some competition, mate.” Niall chuckled, but he quickly stopped when Harry shot a glare over his shoulder to Niall. “I’m starting to think she has a crush on Sarah too.”

“Oh, Sarah is very pretty, but I only like Harry.” Holland moved aside, opening her arms out as Harry smirked back at her. “Come on in while I get my shoes on.”

When all three boys entered her apartment, they stopped in their tracks.

“It’s a winter wonderland in here.” Niall cheered out as he rushed towards the small table by her sliding glass door that led to the balcony. “Look at this little Christmas village.”

“Oh my god.” Harry whispered, his eyes growing wide as he took it all in. “Fuck me.”

Mitch slapped a hand down on Harry’s shoulder.

“You okay?” He asked softly. “I know Christmas isn’t your favorite-”

“I’m fine.” Harry said, turning back to Mitch. “I don’t know why, but...it doesn’t bother me.”

“It’s because you’re in love.” Mitch squeezed his shoulder. “Welcome to ‘Pining over girls that are way too good for miserable sods like us anonymous’. We have complimentary tequila and tissues at the door.”

Holland tried not to hug Harry after she heard him say that her decorations weren’t a bother.

Instead, she walked back to her bedroom in search of shoes and a coat.

She pulled a long, tan coat from her closet before she dropped it on her bed. As she bent over, looking for shoes in the bottom of her closet, she heard someone clear their throat behind her.

“Knock, knock.”

Holland lifted her head up, turning around to see Harry leaning against her doorway with his arms crossed and a smile on his lips.

“Hi.” She had one boot in her hand, her hair a little mussed up from the clothes that brushed over it. “Hi.”

“You said that already.” Harry chuckled, pushing himself off of the doorway before walking towards her. “You okay?”

“Just a little…” She paused, trying to find the word. “You’re pretty, and it’s distracting sometimes, that’s all.”

Harry stopped in his tracks, his cheeks turning pink as Holland smiled.

“You just say whatever pops into your pretty little head, don’t you?” He mumbled, watching her with curious eyes as she nodded.

“Why wouldn’t I?” She asked. “Keeping things to yourself is no fun, and I really enjoy when your face looks like a surprised frog.”

“Excuse me?” He parted his lips, staring back at her as she laughed. “You know, I was coming back here to apologize for the whole pizza thing, but I’m not doing that now.”

“There’s no need to apologize.” She rolled her eyes, pressing a palm against her wall as she tried to wriggle her foot into a boot. “It’s been a really weird week for both of us, and I can’t blame you for being a little forgetful.”

“I was really looking forward to us finally talking about this whole thing.” He cleared his throat, stuffing his hands into his coat pockets as Holland reached for another shoe. “I just want to figure out how to keep that man from hurting you, Holland. I think if he did hurt you, it might kill me, and I don’t understand why I feel that way about you when I hardly know you.”

She couldn’t tell him that it would kill him if she died, not yet at least.

“Let’s not think about it tonight.” She grunted, sliding her left foot into her boot before she zipped it up. “Let’s just have fun! Show me what it’s like having fun in London.”

“Do you really want that?” Harry asked. “You want the proper London welcome?”

“The whole shebang.” Holland nodded, sliding her coat onto her arms before she stopped in front of him with a bright smile. “I want you to show me what you do for fun, gumdrop.”

“Alright.” Harry smiled back at her, brushing his thumb softly over her chin before bumping his forefinger under it as she giggled. “Let’s get this show on the road, Bambi.”

Harry’s POV

“Here you are.” Niall placed a glass of red wine in front of Holland before handing Harry the beer that Holland insisted he get. “And for you, H.”

It was a gingerbread stout, the liquid dark as it sloshed in the glass.

Harry only ordered it because Holland wanted to know what it tasted like. She claimed that he smelled like gingerbread and she wanted to have a sip of the stout to see if it would remind her of him. He knew that he probably wouldn’t drink it anyways, even if Holland didn’t want it. He was more concerned about his sister meeting Holland, and getting Holland back home safely.

He lifted his glass to his lips, taking a small sip as Holland watched him like a hawk. It definitely tasted like gingerbread, and it almost made Harry tense up in his seat at the memories it brought back to his mind. But Holland pressed her hand to Harry’s arm, and it calmed him down almost immediately. Her curious eyes distracted him as he put the glass down.

“Does it taste like cookies?” She asked him, batting her lashes as she leaned down to sniff at it, causing her nose to scrunch up. “It doesn’t smell like cookies.”

“Have a sip.” Harry handed her the glass, watching her eyeball it as if it were going to jump out and bite her. “You’ll like it, I promise.”

“Alright.” She whispered, pressing the glass to her lips before she sipped.

When she pulled it away, she narrowed her eyes in a comical manner before lifting it to her lips again for another sip.

“I do like it.” She said.

“Do you want that one instead of yours?” Harry asked. “I don’t mind switching.”

“I haven’t tasted mine yet.” Holland set the stout down on the table, reaching for the glass of red wine that she picked for its name. Holland Oaks Mulled Christmas Wine. “I wonder if it tastes like berries.”

I wonder if your lips taste like berries.

Harry shook the thought from his head, watching Holland take a sip of the red liquid before she pulled it away with a sour look on her face. He tried not to laugh as she reached for the stout, taking a large sip to drown out the taste of the wine on her tongue. Harry covered his mouth with his fingers, holding in a laugh as Holland shook her head, a small shiver causing her shoulders to roll.

“I don’t like that one.” She muttered, shaking her head. “They should take my name off of it.”

“Hmmm, I’ll see what I can do about that, love.” Harry took the wine glass, taking a sip as Holland moved the stout in front of her. He took a swig, shrugging his shoulders before he sat the glass down. “I think it’s nice. It kind of reminds me of your perfume.”

“Oh, I don’t wear perfume.” Holland said. “It’s my aura.”

“What?” Harry blinked back at Holland as she nodded. “Your aura?”

“Yeah, it’s berry and cloves.” She smiled. “I think I like this one because it’s your aura. You always smell like warm gingerbread and spice.”

Harry held his breath, tilting his head as he tried to find the words to say.

“We’ll save that for the pizza talk.” Holland patted his shoulder gently. “I’ll explain it later.”

“Please.” He nodded, reaching for his wine to take another sip.

He put it down immediately, remembering her words.

Berry and cloves.

“Slap me on the ass and call me Sally, is my brother drinking wine?” Harry groaned when he felt Gemma ruffle his hair. “Hiya, doll.”

“You’re an asshole.” Harry grumbled, swatting her hand away. “Hi.”

“Sarah!” Holland exclaimed, causing Harry to turn his head towards her as she straightened out her spine.

“Holly.” Sarah looked just as surprised and excited to see Holland. “I didn’t know you knew Mitch and everyone.”

Mitch and everyone.

Harry tried not to smirk at that, but he made sure to nudge Mitch’s calf under the table.

“Yeah, Harry is my neighbor.” Holland smiled back at Harry before accepting Sarah’s hug. “I loved that peppermint mocha drink you made me today, but Harry says I shouldn't have anymore.”

“Oh, did he?” Gemma took her coat off, draping it over her chair before she sat down next to Niall with raised brows. “Why is that, Harry?”

“She’s worse than Niall.” Harry defended, pointing towards the Irish lad. “Nearly talked until she passed out earlier, it was crazy.”

Gemma rolled her eyes, leaning over to kiss Niall.

“I don’t want to see that.” Harry slapped his hands over his eyes in a childlike manner causing Holland to giggle. “That’s gross.”

When he peeked between his fingers, Gemma looked like she’d seen a ghost.

“What?” He lowered his hands, looking behind him. “What are you looking at?”

“Nothing.” She shook her head, clearing her throat before she turned her attention towards Holland. “So, I’m Gemma.”

“That’s such a beautiful name.” Holland said. “It’s very nice to meet you, Gemma. My name is Holland, but you can just call me Holly.”

“It’s a pleasure meeting you, too, Holly.” Gemma gave her a soft smile before lifting her menu up. “So, what are we eating today, lads.”

Harry watched Holland look down at the menu in front of her, her brows furrowing as she read over the items listed. He leaned closer, sliding his arm over the back of her chair to look with her. He felt her lean in closer, settling into his side ever so slightly as she hummed.

“What do you like to eat?” He asked her, brushing his fingers over her bicep. “Do you have a special diet or anything?”

“No.” She shook her head, glancing at him before looking back at the menu. “I really only like to eat sugar.”

“With the energy you have,I’m not shocked by that.” He chuckled. “Do you want me to help you find something?”

“I’m sure she can order her own food, Harry.” Gemma piped up. “Give her some breathing room, why don’t you?”

“Oh, I have plenty of breathing room!” Holland was so naive and innocent at times that it made Harry just want to wrap her in a blanket and hide her away. “And Harry smells nice, so I don’t mind.”

He felt his cheeks grow hot at her words, his fingers pressing into her bicep as he glared at Gemma. She sat with a smirk on her lips, glancing back at her menu as Niall cackled.

“So-” Harry cleared his throat. “Chips are a must.”

“Okay, so let’s get some.” She said. “What are they?”

“Fried potatoes.” He said. “We’ll dip ‘em in ketchup.”

“And malt vinegar.” Gemma said.

“No malt vinegar, it’s gross.” Harry scrunched up his nose as Holland looked over at Gemma.

“It’s the proper way to eat chips, Harry.” Gemma sang under her breath.

“Then let’s try it with that.” Holland had a soft pout on her lips, the pink lipstick she smeared over her beautiful berry lips almost gone. He couldn’t wait for it to disappear so that he could see the natural red shade that sent his heart soaring. “I want to do it right.”

“Malt vinegar on the side, then.” He said. “Do you like fish?”

“I’ve never eaten a fish.” She said. “Is it good?”

“Yeah, it’s good.” He assured her. “Maybe we’ll do fish and chips?”

“You don’t have to order the same dish as me, Harry.” Holland said. “You can order whatever you want, I’ll be fine.”

“Well, there’s also cottage pie-” Harry started, but Holland’s soft gasp cut him off. “What?”

“I can have pie for dinner?” Her eyes grew wide, causing Harry to chuckle. “I want that.”

“Well, it’s not like regular pie.” He said. “It’s got meat and-”

“But it’s pie.” She smiled. “For dinner.”

“Okay, pie for dinner it is.” He said. “I’ll order the fish and chips just in case.“

❄️❄️❄️❄️

Holland ended up eating Harry’s fish and chips.

He wanted the cottage pie anyways, so it worked out.

When she took her first bite of the pie, she looked utterly disgusted and betrayed. He tried to warn her that it wasn’t like dessert pie, but he was almost glad that she didn’t like it. The little scrunch to her nose and the shake of her head had him chuckling. He took the dish, passing his fish and chips over to her before pressing a subtle kiss to her temple. He hoped that no one else saw him do it, but when he looked up Mitch was smirking at him from the other side of the table.

“Holland.” Harry whispered her name. “Do you know what the world's largest island is?”

“Greenland.” She said it out loud, slapping her hand over her mouth when everyone shushed her. “Sorry.”

“I’m sure the pricks behind us stole the answer to that question too.” Niall grumbled. “Cheaters.”

They were winning trivia at least.

It was all thanks to Holland and her magical brain.

For someone who knew so little about the modern world, she knew a lot about history and geography. Harry carried most of the music questions alongside Mitch, Gemma carried the math questions, and Niall and Sarah carried pop culture. It was the perfect team, and they were kicking ass. Harry was proud of Holland, and he made sure to bump his knee to hers subtly whenever she gave him an answer. If it was a correct answer, he would squeeze her knee.

He checked in with her often, asking if it was okay for him to touch her in that way. He almost died when she gave him a shy smile before telling him that she liked it a lot. He couldn’t keep his hands away from her then, always finding some part of her to touch respectively.

Harry handed the last sheet in to Hank, the guy who ran the trivia scene, before he dropped his hand to Holland’s thigh. She rested her head on his shoulder, covering her mouth as she yawned. Harry decided then that it was probably time for them to go home. They had a lot going on, and it was starting to take a toll on him as well. He was glad that Holland had the chance to let go for the night, sipping at her gingerbread stout while she laughed with her new friends.

Something inside of Harry clicked when Gemma and Holland shared a knowing look before laughing, as if they already had inside jokes. It dawned on him that he needed her in his life just as much as she needed him, and he wasn’t about to let some slimy iceman drown the girl that he was falling in love with. Harry supposed that his touches weren’t only to show Holland his affection, but they were also a byproduct of his protective nature that was clawing its way into the front of his mind.

“Let’s go home, yeah?” Harry squeezed her thigh, turning to kiss the top of her head. “Get your coat on, love.”

“Gumdrop, you’re having fun with your friends.” Holland lifted her head, pouting at him. “I’m okay, you can keep playing.”

“Don’t you dare leave us now.” Niall said. “We’re actually winning for once, mate! Don’t take our brainiac away from us.”

“We’re tired.” Harry rolled his eyes at Niall, tossing a note onto the table. “We’re gonna go to bed at a decent hour, unlike some of you heathens.”

“Oi, I’ll be tucked in bed before ten!” Gemma said.

“Really?” Niall looked at Gemma with a frown. “But, it’s Wednesday.”

“Holland, darling, are you ready to go?” Harry tried to change the topic, unsure that he wanted to know about Wednesday’s with Niall in his sister’s household.

“Yeah, I'm ready.” Holland draped her scarf over her neck, smiling at everyone as Harry moved beside her. “It was really nice to see you all again, I had so much fun.”

“Harry, I need Holland’s phone number.” Gemma said. “Send it over to me.”

“No.” Harry said plainly. “Goodnight, I love you all. Be good!”

Harry guided Holland out of the pub, sliding his arm around her waist as she leaned into him.

They didn’t talk much on the walk back, merely holding onto each other as they stumbled towards their building. Harry let Holland wrap herself around him in the lift, her head pressed to his chest as it moved slowly from floor to floor. He made sure to rub his palms over her back just how she liked, his heart swelling when she let out soft little hums.

“I feel warm and fuzzy.” She whispered.

“Is it because of me or the alcohol?”

“I think it’s both.” She lifted her head with a soft giggle, looking up at Harry. “I think I like alcohol.”

“Wait until you have your first hangover, you’ll change your mind.” He chuckled, shaking his head. “Let’s get you tucked into bed, you look drained.”

“I feel drained.” She yawned, pulling away from Harry before she stumbled into the hallway.

Harry chuckled as he watched Holland stumble up to her door.

She turned around to look at him with a pout after she unlocked the door, pushing it open.

“Well, I guess this is it.” She whispered. “I’ll see you tomorrow for pizza?”

“Yeah.” He nodded, smiling as she scrunched her nose up. “What?”

“Nothing, I just…” She sighed. “I think I might miss you tonight, that’s all.”

Harry’s heart was beating so loud that he could hear it in his ears.

“I’ll miss you too.” He lifted a hand, brushing his thumb over the apple of her cheek. “But you need some rest.”

“So do you.” She whispered, giving him a soft smile. “And you know where I am if you need me.”

“I do.” His head moved closer to hers, and he watched her breath hitch in her throat. “Do you want me to kiss you, Holland?”

“Yes.” She didn’t hesitate, giving him a soft nod. “Kiss me, please.”

It was a quick peck at first, but it sent sparks shooting in the night sky.

Holland’s eyes slipped shut as she grabbed Harry’s sides, pulling him closer to her body as he chuckled against her lips. She caught him off guard with another kiss, her tender lips moving over his so passionately that he thought he might fall in love with kissing her right then and there. He didn’t waste time, cupping both of her cheeks as he let his tongue swipe over her bottom lip. She parted her lips for him, allowing his tongue to massage over her own.

Berries and clove.

That was all he could taste, all he could smell.

“Fuck.” He pulled back, gasping softly as Holland whimpered. “Holland, we should slow down. We’re both exhausted and I don’t think it’s a good idea for us to...we should just slow down.”

“Okay.” She nodded, clearly still breathless. “I um...goodnight, Harry.”

“Goodnight.” He pressed his forehead to hers, brushing his thumb over her cheek. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

❄️❄️❄️❄️

Holland’s POV

“No.” Harry held Holland’s hands tight in his own, holding her back as her body started to move towards the ice. “No, Holland. Stay with me.”

“I have to go.” She whispered. “You know that I have to.”

“I can’t watch you die.” He pulled her closer, pressing his forehead to her own. “Baby, I can’t let you go.”

“But you can.” She gave him a soft smile. “You know that it’s the only way.”

When Jack Frost pulled her under, Holland didn’t fight.

She was tired of fighting it, tired of trying to survive when she knew that she was doomed.

She just wanted it all to be over so that she could sleep peacefully.

Holland woke up with a gasp, sitting up straight in bed in a daze.

It took her a second to realize that someone was knocking, but when she did realize it, she nearly tripped over her duvet on her way out of bed. She rushed to her front door, flinging it open without hesitation. Harry plowed into her, wrapping his arms around her as tears sprung to her eyes. She clenched them shut, swinging her door closed as Harry sobbed into her hair.

“Why didn’t you fight?” He croaked out. “You didn’t try this time, Holland.”

“I was just so tired.” She brushed her palm over his back, tucking her nose against his shoulder as she tried to soothe him. “I’ve had a long day. I didn’t have the energy to fight him, gumdrop.”

“Please don’t ever do that again.” He pulled away, grasping her face before he pressed a series of damp kisses over her cheeks. “Please, promise that you’ll always fight him, baby. Don’t let him win like that.”

Holland lifted her hands, brushing her thumbs over the outside of his wrists as she curled her fingers around his forearms.

“I love it when you call me baby.” She confessed, looking into Harry’s eyes as he tried to catch his breath. “It’s alright, gumdrop, just breathe.”

They stood there for a few minutes, Holland rubbing soothing circles over Harry’s wrist as he stared into her eyes. It didn’t take long for him to calm down with her in eyesight. Holland noticed his chest slowing down, no more haggard breaths ripping from his nose as he tried to hold back tears. When he was done crying, she wiped at his cheeks with her fingers before she brushed his hair over his shoulder. Holland brushed her palm over his t-shirt covered chest before she grabbed one of his hands in her own with a soft smile.

“C’mon.” She said softly, reaching for her flat key hanging on the key hook by her door.

She pulled Harry behind her, despite the heaviness in her limbs threatening to drag her down to the floor. She locked up her flat before turning towards Harry’s, not at all shocked when she saw the door wide open. She walked into his flat, familiar with the floorplan that was nearly identical to her own. Harry followed behind her without a word, his fingers holding onto her for dear life.

“What are we doing?” Harry’s voice was raspy and rough as Holland pushed into his bedroom, walking him straight towards his side of the bed. “Holland?”

“I’m sleeping with you tonight.” She whispered, turning back to him with a soft smile. “Get comfy, okay?”

“Do you think it will help?” He asked, climbing onto his side of the bed as Holland walked around to the other side. “It’s never helped me before, sleeping with other people.”

Holland had to admit that hurt just a little.

“Um, it should.” She said. “I read about it in a book, actually. I think it will keep us both from dreaming.”

She did read it in a book, but it wasn’t one that Harry could get his hands on. It was a book that Morpheus gave her, and it touched on the topic of soulmates. Holland read about shared dreams between soulmates, and how nightmares could stop if they slept near each other. The closer the souls were, the less likely they were to have nightmares. Holland hoped for both of their sakes that it was true. She just needed a peaceful night’s sleep to regain her strength.

“Who is that man?” Harry rested his head on his pillow as Holland slipped her legs under the duvet. “Why is he doing this to us?”

“Do you promise not to laugh at me if I tell you who he is?” Holland settled her head on the pillow next to Harry’s, letting out a sigh as she turned on her side.

“I promise.” Harry turned on his side, his knees knocking into hers.

“It’s Jack Frost.” She said. “And he’s trying to take our power.”

“What power?” He asked. “Why does Jack Frost need power?”

“Harry, let’s save it for tomorrow, okay?” She leaned forward, kissing his forehead before she fell against her own pillow. “I’m so tired.”

“Tomorrow.” He lifted his hand, brushing a few strands of hair from her face as her eyes slowly slipped shut.

#harry styles fic #deck the halls #harry styles christmas fic #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles writing #my writing #harry styles imagine

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orbitariums · 4 years ago

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𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟖)

previous part

note: hey y’all it has been a hot minuteee! maybe ab 2 weeks i wanna say? but i’m back wittt a lovely new chapter i hope y’all love it 🤧

i thinkkk i know how to fix the tags now, but if there’s any difficulties i might make a separate post to reassure that everything is just peachy. anyway i hope y’all love this chapter and i hope everyone gets tagged properly!!! adding tags in reblogs :)

playlist

warnings: smut, the cursed d word (daddy!)

word count: 9.7k

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐞𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭: 𝐢 𝐜𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

All while Steve was spilling out his heart to you, for some reason you weren't expecting that to be the result of what he was saying. He was talking so much, making you a little nervous, and you weren't paying much attention to what he was really getting down to saying because of your nerves. But you realized it was so painstakingly obvious what he was getting down to, and because of that realization you couldn't help but let out a huff of a girlish, dumbfounded titter. You weren't able to wipe the smile off of your face after that, questioning silently if this was really happening.

Just like Steve, you knew the potential your friendship had to be something more, but you had never expected anything to actually come of it. You figured you would both stay floating in the awareness, only ever drawing attention to it through flirty remarks and cute selfies. As much as you had been through with Steve, you felt that he had made it clear that he was taking everything very slow and still being careful when it came to you.

You had felt that he was loosening up with you and becoming more comfortable, but you definitely didn't think that this was even on his mind. He was good at hiding his feelings, this came as a bit of a shock to you, even though the attraction you had for each other made sense and wasn't nonexistent.

And you definitely weren't thinking of it nearly as much as Steve was, because you weren't expecting anything from him. You were staying grounded and realistic when it came to this outlandish situation. And when it came to your own mindset, you weren't really looking for anything right now. You were just enjoying your life and the feeling of being alone. Not being bothered to look for relationships or being in anything serious felt essential for your growth and understanding of the world.

You were single and yet unavailable, a choice you made for yourself. But when it came to Steve, you were willing to listen. You didn't know how far you would go, but you knew you'd be crazy not to at least listen to him. You were a mixture of shocked, nerve wracked, and anticipatory.

Now back to earth. Steve was looking at your face, a smile glued to your lips, your eyes widened in surprise and amusement like he'd just popped the question. One side of his lip quirked up into a smile, hope glinting in his sweet blue eyes as he waited for your verbal response. You found it cute, the way he tried to appear as nonchalant as possible, but those ocean eyes gave it all away. And even more was beginning to shock you, the bud of a little crush that had been planted in the pit of your stomach beginning to sprout and grow upwards, because you were realizing you could see him in that way too.

You were surprised to see that you were finding him cute instead of strong and buff at the moment, that he was pouring his feelings out to you, instead of the other way around. In this moment, he was the vulnerable one. You had been vulnerable for him before, but it wouldn't end up the same way it had.

That was why you finally spoke and said,

"Steve... I think I like you too."

Steve, although he had been confident in your reaction and confident in himself in this moment, let out a relieved chuckle. He felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, clearing the skies which were so full, erratic with colors that he didn't understand. But as he told you how he felt, he knew that he was making the right decision.

All his life had been full of confusion, this feeling of dissonance, the knowledge that he didn't truly fit in, and this trickled into his understanding of relationships. He had a certain capacity when it came to connecting with people on a level that was more than platonic. When it came to you, the platonic connection you had was undeniable, you shared a connection that was non-romantic as well as romantic. Why not explore beyond the platonic?

You laughed gently, covering your mouth with your hand, your brows furrowed up, less because you were confused and more because you were so bemused by the whole situation. It was real, but it seemed so far-fetched to assume that something like this could happen to you. It was so casual, a man expressing his feelings for a woman. But he wasn't just any man, and you weren't just any woman- and these feelings weren't for the light at heart.

"This is... weird," you blurted out, for lack of a better word. You felt a little ditzy, responding this way, but you hadn't been expecting this, it came so suddenly that you hadn't even processed all your emotions yet. For now, you could only afford to be shocked and excited. You weren't fully thinking it out, but that didn't seem like it would be a problem. Once again, Steve had caught you off guard, but this time in the best of ways. "Did you draft this out? I feel like you practiced this."

Steve practically blushed, and it felt good to know you had that effect on him. He peeked through squinted eyes while he replied, like he was shy to reveal the answer,

"A little bit."

"Oh my god," you laughed, shaking your head.

For some reason, the natural light in your apartment seemed so much brighter now, filling you up and awakening your senses. You felt full with it, light and a feeling of certainty, that as strange as things were, this was how it was supposed to be. Sometimes you felt like the universe was laughing at you. Now you felt like the universe was laughing with you.

You couldn't shake the feeling that you weren't expecting this and that you didn't think anything legitimate would come of this. It all circled back to the fact that you were set just being by yourself, with no lover and no one to expect anything of, no one who would expect anything from you either. So to hear Steve saying something like this, while it was exciting, was also something you weren't prepared for. You enjoyed being alone in your post healing space, and you weren't sure how much you'd be able to handle from here on out. You didn't know how ready you were.

But you were staying calm, not letting that bog you down. The confession itself felt monumental. Your excitement and giddiness washed out the slightly halting feeling of omniscience regarding yourself, your relationship habits and where you were in your life.

"Uhm," you chuckled, breathing a puff of air out from your nose. You subconsciously played with your hair as a way to cope with your nerves. "Honestly, I wasn't expecting this at all, I really don't even know what to say." You face palmed, chuckling at yourself. "I'm sorry, I'm usually less... this."

By this, you meant scrambled up and unable to communicate efficiently. You felt like you should have more words than what you were giving, but Steve had truly caught you off guard. You were trying not to get too giddy, trying to retain some sense of logic like you always did. This was one of those rare blissful moments where you forgot yourself in the presence of another.

"Think you've said all you needed to say. It would've been a bit awkward if you had said anything else."

Your mind flashed back to the dreaded session with Steve where he'd left so abruptly, and you barked out a laugh.

"You're telling me." As you settled more into the realization - not that it was a situation you could get used to very quickly (you had just gotten accustomed to Steve's Avenger status, and now this) - you realized there was something you wanted to know. "So... what prompted you to tell me this?"

You noticed the way Steve started blushing when you asked him the question. You were simply curious, and now that some of your awareness was returning, it was something you felt might help you understand the situation more. You wanted to make sure you were interpreting everything correctly, that you weren't misunderstanding his intentions. You felt secure enough with Steve, but it was in your nature to want to know everything, to grasp around for a true understanding. You wanted to know what you were dealing with, especially because it was something you weren't even expecting.

Steve took in a deep breath in order to absorb everything that he wanted to say.

"I think I knew for a while that there was this potential for more. I knew there was something there, that I was having those thoughts. But I never really fully gave in to those thoughts. I was just sort of letting them float there, you know. Because I didn't think it was serious, because it wasn't hurting me. But I think I sort of realized that it doesn't necessarily have to hurt in order to be something that should be addressed. I realized that the way I feel for you wasn't just something I should keep to myself, that I needed to tell you. I was thinking about you so much every day, and I... liked it. It didn't scare me."

Your chest began to feel warm and full as Steve explained himself, and you couldn't help the heat that rushed to your cheeks. To hear him actually confessing his feelings to you, telling you why he had to tell you, was something so unexpected, something that made you feel so full. It had been a while since you'd been romantically involved with anyone, and that was specifically because of the toxic relationships you had been in before. You didn't involve yourself with just any person, not when it came to serious feelings.

It was why with Steve you weren't head over heels, among plenty of other reasons that you had already addressed. And while you didn't necessarily give in to the same feelings that Steve gave into, it didn't mean that you were going to push him away. You had been so focused on yourself. But in this moment? You could see yourself with Steve Rogers.

The corner of your lip twitched upward in a jolly smile,

"Steve, I can't tell you what it means to hear this from you. I mean, it's definitely something I wasn't expecting, and I can say I was thinking about the way I feel for you too. I wasn't giving in either, because I'm just not in that mindset right now, and I thought it would be better to keep my head, and not to expect anything. But I have feelings for you, too. And I'd love to explore what that means with you," you admitted, a small smile on your face as you spoke your truth.

Steve nodded. All this time he'd been talking to you, it was like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Not that his feelings were weighing him down in a bad way, but he had to fulfill this urge to tell you, especially after what he'd done. And he felt that what he had done was necessary to confess, no matter how embarrassing it might feel to admit. He didn't want you to be in the dark about the things he had done to himself as a result of you.

Even with all you'd been through, all the explicit things you had shared with each other, he felt embarrassed to say this aloud. He felt like any way he tried to construe it would sound weird, so in his head he was telling himself to just say it outright, but his mouth was far quicker than his brain. He stuttered as he tried and failed to explain himself,

"Well, there- there was something specific that happened. It- well, it was a weirddd, it was a moment of... I-I can't really pinpoint-"

You raised your brows playfully, very amused by his stuttering speech, and you nodded as if he were making sense.

"Yes, I understand," you teased him, and he laughed, shaking his head.

"Sorry," he apologized quickly. "It's just, this feels so odd of me to say. But you sent a picture of yourself on Snapchat, I don't even think you were thinking of it, honestly. But it made me think. I um..."

You smirked as you realized the point that he was getting to. He didn't even have to say it explicitly. With all your experience as a cam girl, you knew what he was implying. Your voice became saccharine sweet, and your head assumed a teasing tilt as you cooed at him,

"Stevie, did you get off to my picture?"

Judging by the way he went red yet again and nodded with an embarrassed smile on his face, you were right. You couldn't help but laugh, not to spite him, but because it was almost surprising to you. You saw Steve as pretty disciplined, and he had made a point of establishing that he wanted to communicate with you as simply friends. That was why he didn't add you on your more explicit private snapchat nor did he watch your cam shows for the past few weeks. You found it surprisingly cute that a simple selfie could send him over the edge - then again, it made sense that this would be something that he'd want to tell you, and that it would relate to admitting his feelings for you.

Your sugary sweet, teasing voice brought him back to his days of watching you on your cam shows, how you would coo at him and help him get off. The reminder only made him more bashful. You couldn't help but go on, smiling in satisfaction. You couldn't lie - it made you feel a bit cocky that you could get him to that point. Sure, men did a lot of things because of you, but those were men online who you didn't care for as much as you cared for Stevie. You figured he was embarrassed because he thought it was creepy, but you honestly didn't mind. Men had done worse. And besides, it was Steve after all. You had a history.

"Steve! That's so romantic!" you chirped, watching as he seemed to sink shyly into his seat. It was like you were there with him, the way you could feel his awkward energy through your screen. "Which one was it?"

"The one you sent on the way to the beach," Steve murmured, peeking out from the hand he had over his eyes.

You hummed,

"Hmm, I don't remember that. Honestly, though, Steve, I think that's really cute. And really hot. Don't be embarrassed."

Steve chuckled, shrugging,

"I dunno, I wasn't expecting it. It was what made me feel like I should tell you, because I wasn't just thinking about your picture. I was thinking about you. You know? It was more like... it wasn't just sexual. And I realized afterwards that it brought me to that point because I was so frustrated because I wasn't letting myself give in to the feelings I had for you. And... it was a really nice picture."

You giggled, but past your amusement, you were glad he was telling you these things, no matter how much it might have embarrassed him.

"Steve..." was all you could say, a smile lingering on your face. "You're real sweet."

He scratched the nape of his neck and looked down. For everything you'd been through, you still made him nervous, in the best way possible. And now that the mutual feelings were out there, he could relish each moment just the way it was meant to be.

"I'm glad you feel the same way. It's weird, I was trying to figure out if I was just too excited because this is so new to me. But now I know it's not."

"Same," you nodded. "I mean, I haven't really been attached to one person in a really long time. I was off that. But if there's going to be one person, I want it to be you."

Steve swallowed hard. There was no doubt these feelings were real. And hearing this from you just confirmed that.

"Me too. Just you."

You smiled for a moment, but you couldn't help your true demeanor, the part of you that needed logic and assortment. This was lovely, but you felt like there just had to be more. Although you thought, how much more could there be? You were miles away, in such different situations in your lives. You didn't want to just go on the same way you had been, not after he told you this. There had to be something more after this, even if neither of you knew what it would be. So you asked,

"So... what next?"

Steve couldn't say he didn't expect this question from you. He knew you'd want to know where you'd go from this point. And he didn't want to leave you blindsided the way he had when he revealed himself. He wanted to have a plan. He was the grown person in the relationship, he was supposed to have an idea of what was next. But he hadn't fully thought that out yet.

There was only one thing he thought of that could be solid, but he wasn't sure how that would work. And he wasn't sure if he felt secure enough in himself to let it happen. He had mixed feelings about it. So he didn't bring it up just yet. Despite how stupid he felt shrugging, he did so anyway, and replied,

"Honestly, I'm not sure. There's not much that we can do, is there?"

You squinted, doubtful of his response. Just like him, you had been thinking of the options, and only one thing seemed solid to you. One thing to do after you realized you both had feelings for each other, to sort of seal the deal, to close the gap. And by the curious look on your face, Steve had no doubts that you were thinking the same thing as him.

"Isn't there?" you inquired with a suggestive cock of your head.

For all his mixed feelings, Steve felt an overwhelming wave of positivity rush over him when he saw that you were on the same page. You were sharp, there was no doubt about that. He didn't have to question if you were suggesting the same thing he was thinking about. It was bemusing to him, the way that you were quick to clock.

"You wanna meet me," Steve stated, as if it were a simple fact - and honestly, it was.

You both had clicked without having to communicate. And neither of you thought it was far fetched. It made sense. It felt pointless to have this confession without there being some way to seal these feelings in in person. That had to be what was up next. You already talked online, texted each other. Doing anything else in order to define these feelings would feel trivial.

And Steve couldn't deny that lately he had been feeling like he wanted to meet you in person. Before, it was hardly even a thought. But once he realized how he felt for you, it was something that he was fantasizing about just a bit. But it was merely a fantasy of his, not something he was gearing up to actualize.

You nodded slowly, though your heart was pounding at the mere thought of actually breaking the distance. Knowing him, talking to him was so surreal to begin with. You didn't ever expect things to get to this point, or to be talking about meeting him. Not in this circumstance, not at all.

"If that's something that you are... okay with. I'm not rushing anything."

And it was true, you weren't just making excuses. You weren't rushing anything. You just figured it was the only logical thing to do. After all, you had your own life. It wasn't life or death if you met him, but it just made sense. You'd have to sort things out, as you were sure he'd have to. You weren't aiming too high. You figured this was something that the two of you could possibly achieve in the future, just as a "next step."

You also wanted to make sure Steve was serious about this, that you wouldn't just be left hanging by a thread, not after you had had this talk together. Not after you were preparing to commit yourself to someone, something that wasn't even in your mind beforehand.

And even though Steve had mixed feelings for all the right reasons, he wanted to respect what you wanted. He knew you, and he knew you weren't just dying to meet him, that it wasn't something that would just drive you crazy. You were level headed enough, you had enough going for yourself. Still, if you were on the same page, he wanted to actualize your wishes. And he agreed that it was the logical thing to do - there was just so much that would go into making this actually work. Both you and Steve knew you couldn't just jump into it, but that it had to at least be a possibility.

So he didn't let this scare him, didn't let these mixed feelings send him overboard like he might have before. He was long past that. He just took everything in calmly, because it was what he owed you. Direction, logic, and peace. Hell, it was what he owed himself.

He nodded,

"You're not rushing anything. I understand, it makes sense."

You nodded, glad you and Steve were on the same page. You didn't intend on letting your guard down completely- just because you were comfortable with Steve didn't mean that you were just going to act head over heels for him and lose all sense of reality. You were still YN, a sensible, strong woman who had boundaries and standards for those who pursued you romantically. Steve was special, but he wasn't an exception. You needed a plan. Needed security.

And Steve definitely expected that from you, it was why he knew that he needed to have a plan. He sometimes felt like you were too good for him- that he didn't have a clue when it came to these things sometimes, and that he'd do something foolish and lose you. He knew he had to get a clue, and quick. All he cared about was treating you right, especially considering the age difference - you were a grown woman, but he was even older. He had a certain responsibility. It didn't mean he had to be the leader in the relationship, whatever it came to be, because you showed enough leader qualities yourself. But it meant that he couldn't leave things open ended all the time, that he had to show you he was serious.

When it came to meeting you in person, there were so many things giving Steve mixed feelings. It would be no greater delight than to see you in person. He already enjoyed you so much over the screen. He had no worries that the connection you had over the internet wouldn't translate in real life, as long as he didn't overthink it. It was more a question of time, of his own leadership role in his team.

Would it get in the way of his job if he was with a woman he had never seen in real life? Would that interfere with his team dynamic in some way? And how could he do so in a way that would keep you safe, from media, from threats, from anything that would get in the way of you and him. There were just so many things that could go wrong, and all for one delicious prize: seeing you face to face without a screen cutting through.

So, like you, he wasn't jumping into it. But it was on your mind, so he knew he would have to consider it seriously. If this was what the next step would be, he couldn't fuck around too long. He had no intention of stringing you along, of putting this idea out there and then leaving you unsatisfied when he couldn't commit to that next step. So in his mind, there was a distant knowledge that he would have to commit, that this would have to happen at some point. But he didn't want to think about it too much just yet. He wanted to enjoy this moment.

Your voice interrupted his thoughts,

"Right. It makes sense. I mean, considering your... life, for lack of a better word, and my life as well, I don't suppose it's something that can just be done. But I'd like to meet you, Steve. Now that I know this, I think it's the only way to be sure that this can be true. To be sure that this is something feasible. And, past all the deep stuff... it sure would be nice to meet Captain America."

Your smile was so genuine and warm, it almost brought tears to Steve's eyes. He knew he had made no mistake, looking at you. Your glow was so radiant it seemed to touch Steve through the screen, like a friendly sprite fluttering around him, with some iridescent aura. He liked you so much, it made his head swim in a way he just hadn't felt before.

"Yeah. And I'm sure you've got people lining up to meet the famous Moonrose," Steve smirked playfully, and you laughed, shaking your head.

"He has a sense of humor. How cute."

Steve wanted to stay on the phone with you for so much longer, talk to you and lose himself in your words and his own thoughts, but he had responsibilities to tend to. He sighed, his hand pressing up against his cheek,

"Would you kill me if I said I had to go?"

"Consider yourself a dead man, Steve Rogers," you pouted playfully, and the corner of his lip twitched up in amusement.

"I wish I could stay longer, I really do. But I'm glad we had this talk, I think we're both on the same page, here."

You felt calm, secure in this moment. You bit down on your lip and nodded,

"Yeah, me too. See you, Steve."

"See you."

✺ ✺ ✺

Ever since that day, Steve had been in an extraordinarily good mood. Even while he had specifics to think about, as in how exactly he'd make meeting you work, he wasn't bogged down by those thoughts. He knew it would take some time, some mindfulness. He couldn't just bring you here carelessly.

So, it was a sort of strange buzz that he was in - he was simultaneously giddy and serious, plotting and planning things out, and leaving space in his mind for you. And when he thought of you, just you, any stress threatening to build up just dissipated.

"You're in a good mood," Bucky commented in passing, taking notice of the small smile that seemed to be constantly engraved on Steve's face these days.

Once again, everyone took notice of Steve's mood - he'd been happy recently, but now it was almost odd. They were beginning to think there was something they were missing. Tony had been the first to really pry and ask if Steve was thinking about a girl. He'd assumed that Steve wanted to talk to someone special when he asked him about the private numbers, and that was entirely true. But Steve didn't let on, not quite yet.

“Am I?" Steve quipped back, a strange response to Bucky's comment.

Bucky raised his eyebrow, squinting inquisitively at Steve.

"Seriously, what's been going on? You hopped up on a little extra serum?"

Steve shook his head slowly with a laugh,

"Can't a guy just be happy that it's springtime? It's finally nice out. Harsh winter."

"I've never known you to be a giddy person," Bucky pressed, and Steve just shrugged.

"Seasons change, people change too," Steve started to walk much faster than Bucky. "Gotta go, Buck. Got some paperwork to take care of."

Steve practically left Bucky in the dust. He stood there, trying to put the pieces together. He was beginning to think he had an idea of what was going on, but, no. He'd be crazy to think that. It wasn't something Steve would get himself into. But if he was right, then damn it, he wanted to know. Like everyone else, he wouldn't pry too much. But he was beginning to think that they should all be a bit more invested in what was going on. Was he happy his friend was happy? Of course. Was it still a bit strange? Hell yeah.

And even though he had settled things with you, Steve still had no intentions of putting his business out there. It was his own thing, and for good reason.

✺ ✺ ✺

Your last day of classes came quicker than you had been expecting. A week flew by so quickly, and even in that week you still hadn't fully processed that day you talked to Steve, the things that he had to say to you. From this point on, you would have so much free time on your hands, maybe you would use it to settle in to your new reality. Just a week ago, Steve Rogers had told you he had feelings for you. He had told you that there was a possibility that you could meet each other. What was your life, honestly?

If anything, right now it was just a swarm of good. You almost expected something bad to happen to snap you out of this blissed out, full mood that you were in. Everything felt perfect right now. Your brand was swinging into action, you were about to graduate, your cam business was going well as usual. And on top of that, you were in the beginnings of a new relationship. Neither of you were sure what it would actually become, but you hardly even wanted to think about that. You were just enjoying the present, though you knew the future would be so unpredictable and so full of new things.

To celebrate the end of your classes, and more importantly, the end of senior year, you were having a few friends over at your apartment. One plus of having your own place was that you didn't have to move out of dorms, which was a process most of your friends were going through prior to graduation. And being able to have friends over in a place that you could call your own was so special to you.

"We're really fucking done!" Aaliyah exclaimed, reaching over the counter to pour herself another drink, then shaking her head and deciding it was best to drink from the bottle.

"I'll drink to that," Cameron agreed, and clinked her glass to Aaliyah's entire bottle.

"YN, get off your phone. We gotta celebrate!" Luke nudged you harshly, and you chuckled, rubbing your arm in the spot where he'd impacted you.

As present as you liked to be when you were with your friends, you couldn't help but be on your phone in this moment. You and Steve texted casually beforehand, but ever since that Facetime call last week, you communicated much more frequently. You anticipated texts and snapchats from him, even the occasional call. Often times you just wanted to hear from each other, wanted to update each other on the smallest of things.

It wasn't obnoxious or overbearing, it felt just right for the situation that you were in with each other. You wanted to feel closer, or at least the illusion of feeling closer. You were trying to talk to each other the way that people with feelings for each other would. But it didn't feel forced. Your banter came naturally, conversation flowed easily, just as it had before. But now, there was an even brighter spark in each and every text message, every silly Snapchat selfie you sent each other.

Right now, you were texting Steve about the gathering, sliding in sneaky flirts every now and then, like "wish you were here!" You knew how to get to Steve- even the littlest things did him in.

"Okay, okay, I'm here! Just, lemme make this call real quick. Really, really quick. Promise," you pleaded with your friends, who were jeering at you playfully as you slinked away quickly.

You were having fun already, but there was something on your mind, something you hadn't done in a while that you wanted to fulfill. Now that you and Steve had established your feelings for each other, it was only appropriate, right?

You texted Steve, telling him to have his laptop ready, because you wanted to Facetime him.

You had slinked away to your room, and locked the door behind you, setting up your mirror in front of you and sitting criss cross on the floor. You pulled up Steve's name on your laptop, and Facetimed him. You figured he'd be available to video chat, considering you had just been texting quite voraciously. To your pleasure, he picked up, and you were looking at him on the screen again, a feeling that filled you both up each time.

Texting was nice, but actually seeing each other on the screen live felt so much more personal. You felt a surge of pride in you, that you had this ability to just call him up like this, to be able to see him like this. You liked knowing you were the only one that could bring this out of him. And you were about to bring a lot more out of him right now.

"Hey, how's the party?" Steve asked when he picked up, a grin on his features.

"Compared to talking to you? Ahh, I can't be that mean to my friends," you joked, and it was really only a joke. But it got the reaction you were hoping for- he blushed and started smiling profusely.

"You're too sweet," he leaned in. "Why'd you wanna call on my laptop instead of my phone, though?"

You shrugged, not giving anything away just yet,

"Just wanna see you better. And I have something for you. It'll be easier to multitask."

Steve nodded,

"I see you've abandoned your friends."

"Ding ding ding. Just for a minute though. Or an hour. However long it takes you," you shrugged nonchalantly, as if you were saying anything.

But Steve felt his senses kicking in. You were alone, obviously because you couldn't just talk to him around your friends, but it was more than that. His stomach dropped from nerves, in the best way possible, but also because this was unexpected.

"However... long it takes me?" he practically gulped, and watched as you pushed back the laptop and started to pull down the sleeves of your blouse just enough to show the pink bra straps.

"I missed this, Stevie," you pouted, leaning in very intentionally, so that the curves of your boobs would show from over your blouse.

Steve's jaw ticked as he watched. He was in his room, and it wasn't as late in New York as it was in California. But his door was locked anyway, and time wasn't an issue when it came to you.

"We talk a lot," Steve blurted awkwardly in response, immediately feeling stupid.

He didn't mean to be so tongue tied, but it had just been a long time since he had interacted with you like this. Sure, he had his moment with the picture of you, but it wasn't the same as being onscreen with you while you did all the things you did to drive him crazy, right in front of his eyes. He had chosen not to view your cam shows or anything that would get in the way of your budding friendship. Now, you were giving it to him. And he wouldn't have resisted before, because he hardly could - but now, it felt much more appropriate, now that your feelings for each other were out there.

"I know, but not like this. We talk about my day, your missions. Our feelings. Cute shit like that. But I get so bored, Stevie. No one on my cam site can do it like you."

"Really?" Steve swallowed, licking his lips slowly and taking in every word you said like it was a mixture of milk and honey.

"Really. You think anyone can make me scream their name the same way you can? And really mean it? You must know I always meant it, Steve," you drawled slightly, continuing to pull down the sleeves of your blouse and your bra straps along with it, so that now your sleeves were down to your chest.

Steve sighed deeply, as if he were trying to contain himself, breathing through his nose. It had been so long, too long, since the two of you had been intimate like this. It was bringing out this feral nature in him that only you could satisfy. And for you, it was exciting to actually have a person to be intimate with just because. Sure, it wasn't the same as physical touch - which, besides Alex, you hadn't had legitimately in far too long - but it was intimate.

And this time around, it wasn't just for a customer. It was for someone you could genuinely say you had feelings for. And that felt so fulfilling. It was why you were so quick to give it to Steve, because you were craving that excitement, that full feeling. Being with your friends was lovely, but you'd be lying if you said it didn't turn you on to escape them for something like this.

"Do I get to hear you scream my name tonight?" Steve asked, trying to be confident in his responses, but there was a genuine glint of hope in his question.

You laughed, biting down on your lip, and shrugged,

"If you play your cards right, sure."

"How do I... play my cards right?" Steve chewed on his bottom lip, anticipatory and a bit anxious.

"Just do what feels right," you sighed, and took off your blouse completely, the bra falling off in accordance.

Steve's spit caught in his throat at the sight - he'd seen you in every position, but it never got old. Especially since he hadn't seen you like this in so long. He was already palming himself through his sweats, looking hard into the screen of his laptop - he understood now, using a laptop would be much more convenient for this. It was just like his days with you on the site.

"Can I see?" you asked, a smile growing on your lips as you watched the way his face contorted, the motions his hands made.

He pushed the laptop further down the bed so that you could see all of him, from his growing erection in his black sweats to his reddening face.

You practically whimpered when you saw it. It was no surprise that you hadn't actually seen him like this, you'd only ever heard his reactions. All those times, you'd been facing a blank screen. You never got to actually see the expressions that he made, never got to see how big he was, never got to see him finish. He'd gotten to see all of that from you, and now it was finally your turn. Regardless of how things were going to go down right now, you wouldn't be able to control yourself.

Steve watched as you slipped out of your shorts and started to run your fingers along your clit through your underwear, teasing the warm, wet skin that was underneath. His motions matched yours, grazing his cock with his palm through his clothes. He could usually stand teasing himself, but he was harder than he'd ever been, it had been so long. He was still full of so much pent up desire for you.

He blushed when he realized that you could actually see him too. Sure, you'd heard him before, but that felt different. He hadn't done something like this, ever. Was it risky to show his face as he did something like this? Sure. But did he honestly expect that risk to have consequences? Not anymore. Still, it made him blush because he'd never actually done this before, at least not when you could see him.

You moaned, choking out your words,

"You look nervous, Stevie."

He chuckled, shaking his head,

"I don't know, I've just... I know we've done this countless times, but you've never been able to see me. Guess I'm feeling a little rusty."

"You? Rusty? Never. I think you forget who you are, Steve," you reminded him, and he smirked- of course you would gas him up a bit, how could he forget how cocky you could make him feel sometimes?

"Force of habit," he shrugged, and you took your bottom lip under your teeth.

"Steve?" you asked between pleasured sighs.

"Yeah?"

"I really wanna see you. Can you do that for me?" you cooed, putting on your best puppy dog eyes - you wanted to see him for real, not just through the outline of his sweats. You knew he was big, you had known that even before he revealed who he was. But now it was like some sudden kink, to want to see just how big your superhero was.

He knew exactly what you meant, and the pleading in your voice only made him want to show you even more. He was almost eager as he pulled his sweats down, his cock already springing upwards in his boxers, forming a tent. He watched as your two fingers spun slow circles around your clit once you pushed your panties to the side. Seeing your bare flesh again made him grunt, made his cock twitch in his boxers.

"Please, Stevie," you groaned, wanting to see all of him.

"I got you, doll, don't worry," he replied — it was cute to see you get all worked up, but he wouldn't hold out on you for too long. He respected the fact that you were even doing this right now — for that, he decided you got whatever you wanted.

You kept whining until he finally pulled down his boxers and his cock sprung loose. It was hard and heavy, it nearly made you drool just to look at it. You knew he was big, but he was big. Bigger than anyone you'd seen or even had. Just the sight of it, veiny, standing in the air, and throbbing for you made you moan uncontrollably. You were unbelievably wet already, and couldn't help but sink two fingers inside of you - they slid in too easily.

Your fingers felt the warm and gushy flesh inside of you and you sucked in a breath, just watching his cock on the screen. It was something so deliciously overdue, so much overdue that it felt like a sweet release just to see it. You rolled your head back, and Steve gripped the base of his cock, watching your fingers dip in and out of you while you pleasured yourself.

"Mmh," you mewled, biting your lip. You looked back on the screen, a needy pout plastered all over your glossy lips, a desperate crease in your brows as you focused in on his cock. You groaned gutturally, just looking at him, imagining what it would be like to take him inside of you, inside any part of you. Your voice was whiny, desperate with amazement. "You're so big."

Steve's chest pounded at the sound of your voice - so needy and raw, like the sight of him was too much for you. He watched the way your fingers rubbed vigorously at your clit, which was wet and slick with your juices. His hand worked tirelessly at himself, jerking up and down his shaft, his fingers toying with the head, glowing with his precum.

"You like my cock?" he asked in response, just so he could hear the edge in your voice.

You sighed in pleasure, scooching your hips forward so Steve could see you better,

"Yes, baby, I want you so bad."

"You want it?" Steve gave in to his desire to tease you back, which really became stronger when he saw how needy you were for him. You watched his face, which was a mix of derisive and focused, focused on getting you both to orgasm, his brows furrowed in pleasure, mouth partially open at all times. The groan that came out of Steve was deep and animalistic, reflective of how much he needed this with you after not having it for so long. "Does it turn you on? Begging for my cock?"

You whimpered - the more dominant side of Steve was coming out, and you hardly had to coax him into it. He was assuming such a daddy role, you couldn't help it when the pet name slipped out of your mouth,

"God, yes, daddy."

Steve's eyes were blown with lust, his eyelids heavy, but they widened just a bit when he heard what you called him. You hadn't even thought much about it, but Steve was hanging onto it desperately.

"Daddy? Is that what I am?" he repeated with a low chuckle, slowing his strokes so he could focus on your response.

You wriggled around and mewled out in response, scrunching your eyes shut as you tried to avoid having to answer him.

"I'm not hearing an answer, doll," Steve pressed, and you clenched around your fingers, an orgasm sure to arrive shortly - his tone was so authoritative and cocky - you shouldn't have let that slip, but then again, you loved it.

"Fuck!" you shouted, thrusting your fingers deeper inside of you, your knuckles hitting your clit. "Yes, daddy, that's what you are."

"Hmm, yeah, that's it," Steve breathed out of his nose, relaxing back into his pillow and letting the careless motions of his hand take over. He was so far gone, any tension from the day so far removed that his head felt clear, and a wave of pleasure rushed over him. So much so that he wasn't even really thinking when he next spoke, his eyes shut and his hands closed around his throbbing cock. "Mm, I can't wait to fuck you."

A sound you didn't expect came out of you then, and you clenched hard around your fingers as you came, gasping for air and rocking your hips against your fingers deliriously, sweat just starting to drip down your forehead. Steve's orgasm came soon after that, like it was chasing after yours. You both took your time to recover, reveling in the moment. It felt like a sense of peace had flooded your room, and it felt the same for Steve. You both knew it had been too long since you got each other off. And everytime it happened, it was explosive. Just now, it had been on a whim, as a result of your own spontaneity - and you were a bit horny as well. Man, were you glad for those last minute decisions of yours.

You wiped sweat off your forehead, still breathing hard, and pulled up your underwear - which was no help, you were still soaking through them. But you got dressed accordingly and so did Steve, and you stayed on the call until one of you spoke.

"Your friends are looking for you, I bet," Steve commented, and you smirked, shrugging.

"Don't worry, they'll be fine," you grinned, licking your lips.

Steve's eyes were still bleared over, but he was looking right at you,

"Think they heard us?"

Even after all that, your pussy throbbed at his words, at the thought. If only Steve could see.

"Dunno."

"I get the feeling you don't care," Steve grinned, eyes sparkling - he too was glad for your spontaneity.

As you sat recovering, rocking gently back and forth with your knees pulled up to your chest, a small smile appeared on your lips as you recalled the words that had triggered you to come. It was mindless to Steve, a subconscious thought of his that had slipped out of his lips in that moment of pure bliss, as casual and thoughtless as asking "how was your day?"

"You said you can't wait to fuck me," you hummed, tilting your head to the side, a devious but satisfied smile on your lips.

You liked, no loved, the way it sounded coming from his lips this time around. Before, you had always shared your fantasies aloud, telling the other that you wished you could be there. But that was before - before you even knew him, before you knew each other the way that you knew each other now. There was no depth to the words. But now, it felt like a prompt to put things into motion, like Steve knew that his wish would become a reality, like he really was serious about meeting you. He didn't just wish he could fuck you, he couldn't wait to. That, to you, sounded like there was already a plan set where something like that could be possible. Like Steve had been thinking about it, a thought that dually excited you and made you wet.

Steve blushed at the reminder - he had hardly recognized that he had let that slip. Again, it was more of a subconscious thought of his, one that hadn't yet come to the surface. Although he had plans to meet you, knew that it had to happen at some point, he hadn't yet thought of the specifics. It just sort of came out of him, something that he didn't realize he'd been thinking about - that he'd one day have the chance to meet you, that he really could fuck you when the time came. He supposed that the excitement of the moment got him thinking that this prominent physical, sexual gap could be closed once you met. It wasn't the only reason he wanted to meet you, but in the moment, it was what was most on his mind. And the only difference in what he said this time around was that it insinuated driving fantasies into reality.

"I did, huh?" Steve questioned, smirking slightly.

He knew what you were getting to, and it got you both excited and nervous all at once. You both knew it was going to happen, but once he said that, it felt like things were becoming much realer.

"Mhm. That true?" you batted your lashes playfully, making him laugh - he missed this feeling, the friendly interactions after getting each other off, how humorous and organic it felt.

"Yeah, it's true," Steve nodded, settling into the reality himself. He knew what had to be done, and he knew it had to be set in motion quickly. "Guess we better meet sooner than later, huh?"

"Just so you can fuck me," you said decidedly, making the both of you laugh.

"It's not as wholesome as I was expecting," Steve cleared his throat. "But really, you and I both know it's not just because of that. And it very well could be, but we both have so much to offer."

"Mhm, but you really wanna fuck me," you continued, and Steve knew he had to let you bask in this moment, had to let you shine in all your glory.

He laughed at how big headed you were acting, shaking his head,

"There's that, too."

"Hey, really though, if it takes time, I understand," you nodded, making it clear once again that you weren't rushing anything.

"It takes time, but I can make time," Steve replied quickly.

He wanted you to feel secure, didn't want you to feel like you had to backtrack from what you both wanted. It would take a lot of work from him to make things work out, would take a lot of self reflection, but he knew that for you, he could handle it. Neither of you were rushing things, but you both realized that you couldn't hold off for too long, that you needed each other soon- physically and emotionally. There was only so much you could do through a screen. The more you talked about it, the more the days passed by, the stronger the urge became. You'd both commit to not allowing it to drive you up the wall - but you could only resist so much. You had to see each other, soon.

You smiled, impressed by Steve's words. He would make time. That was all you ever really wanted to hear.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. It's a lot, but it can be done. We'll have to be careful, because there's so much... stuff that goes into this. And I have to get myself together first, when it comes to my team and how this will all go down in a way that won't impact my work, or your work, for that thought. But I care about you. And... and I know that this is the next step, and we don't have to rush it, but it's better to see you sooner than later," Steve explained, the gears already churning in his mind- lots of work to be done.

He didn't want to keep you a secret, but he didn't want to mess up the consistency in his relationships with his team and his relationship with his work. That was one thing that he'd have to figure out. And besides, he liked having you all to himself. When the time was right to be open about it, he'd know. That was just one of the elements he'd have to think of when it came to getting you to him.

"I care about you too," you pouted slightly, and then smiled again. "And I really do want to see you. When it's right, it's right. You know?"

"Yeah," Steve took his bottom lip under his teeth. "So... when is it right for you?"

You raised your brows - was he asking for your schedule? Was this really going to happen? You knew that was the focus of your conversation, but actually progressing was something so jarring to think of.

"For me?" you repeated, gawking slightly at the camera.

"Yeah, like... I don't know. When's a good time for you?" he asked, as if he were scheduling a simple lunch date.

Your head started to swarm with thoughts, mainly thoughts surrounding your own availability. Once you graduated, you'd have all the time in the world. Sure, you'd have to start working and continue handling your clothing brand, but you would have plenty of free time on your hands. You wanted to settle into the real world without education first, but you figured that you'd be ready for this adventure soon after graduation.

"Ah, well... I'm- I'm graduating... this week. And, um, after that I'm pretty much free. I'll need like a week or two to decompress, but after that, I guess-"

"You can see me," Steve completed your sentence for you, because you were having a hard time spitting the words out of your mouth.

For all your logic and need for stability, you were floored by the idea of actually planning something like this out. For the umpteenth time that week you were asking yourself: "what is my life?" And for Steve, it was jarring too. It was odd for him to think that he would ever be going through with something like this, something that he had resisted so adamantly beforehand. He couldn't say that he couldn't picture himself in this position with you beforehand, because a small part of him could.

It seemed so unfeasible and far fetched to him back then, but it was part of the reason why he pushed back. Now, here he was, in this unbelievable position. But it didn't deter him, it just served as a reminder of how much he had grown since he met you, the same way you had grown.

"Yeah," you chuckled out nervously, a beam breaking out on your face. You huffed, as if you couldn't believe it, but you were so glad it was true. "Yeah... then I can meet you."

A beat of silence passed as you both just looked at each other over the screen, settling into this moment together. It was like there was a bubble that enclosed just you and him. A circumstance so exclusive that it was as if only the two of you could understand it. And the way you were looking at each other now, you couldn't wait to look into each other's eyes for real.

"Well," Steve chuckled, raising his brows. "I guess I'll have to make arrangements."

"Yeah, me too," you refrained from snorting out of excitement, and just sat back.

"You should get back to your friends, before they start suspecting anything."

"I assure you, they are not worried about me," a loud garble of laughter sounded through your walls, loud enough for Steve to hear. "See?"

You both laughed, but you took in a breath, nodding,

"Ah, you're right though. I should go."

"Got it. Hey, I'll see you. Soon," said Steve, but the farewell felt so much deeper now.

You winked, leaning forward to hang up,

"See you, Steve."

You hung up, still giddy and buzzing with exhilaration. You still didn't know what to expect, but you kind of knew when to expect it. And it was coming soon. You had to resist from counting down the days. As Steve suggested, you returned to your friends. You had no trouble focusing on them and your celebration for the rest of the night. But the warmth you felt in your cheeks, the wetness between your thighs, and the smile etched on your face all reminded you of what was to come.

#steve rogers #steve rogers series #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers reader insert #steve rogers x yn #captain america #captain america imagine #captain america x reader #girls on film #orbitariums #marvel #marvel imagine #marvel smut #smut

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sternenstaub28 · 4 years ago

Text

*comes in late with Starbucks to ace awareness week*

My take on ace Geralt and his coming out to Jaskier.

Read the whole thing on ao3.

Life was an exchange. You gave to gain. People gave money and Geralt offered his skills. People offered food and a bed and Geralt gave them money. Geralt craved the touch of a human body and people either expected coin or his body in return. His body, in one capacity or another, was really the only thing of worth Geralt had to offer.

The witcher had learned early in his life that affection didn't come cheap, especially not to him. The first person outside of Kaer Morhen who'd offered him a hug was a whore at a brothel. Then she insisted on doing her work as well. Geralt didn't mind, but really thought the whole deal was overrated. Yennefer had also wanted to pay him in sex for the work he did for her. It wasn't entirely uncommon for his contracts, Geralt knew some people liked the idea of laying with a witcher, of taming the monster. It was an adventure to them. He didn't exactly mind it but never understood why people considered it as something special.

So when he met Jaskier, he expected the same. There was a human who wanted him for services. At first Geralt was confused about what exactly Jaskier promised himself from this adventure. The stories he could understand and for several months he didn't think about what else Jaskier could want from him. Accepted the easy touches and kind company with a grumble he didn't mean. People rarely bumped shoulders or touched his arm just because they could and he thought this kind of affection was a fair trade for all the songs Jaskier got in return.

But when they met up again in the next spring and again and again, Geralt started to question the bard's motives. He had gotten his songs, what else did he want? They had traveled for two weeks without a contract in sight, when Geralt decided he needed to find out what made Jaskier stay. The bard was working on a song for a noble, a commission he hated but it paid well. So why was he still at Geralt's side, bandaging his wounds, touching his shoulder and scooting closer in cold nights? People didn't give a witcher these things for free.

One night when Jaskier had to pay for their room at the inn, Geralt not having a single coin left but in dire need of a weaponsmith, he confronted the bard. The witcher knew Jaskier favored men and women equally and flirted with anything that moved. Surely lying with him would be pleasant enough. Actually, the more he thought about it, the more he wanted Jaskier to feel good under his touch. It being returned would be fine as well, if not exactly what he wanted. So after they'd eaten and bathed, Geralt took his jittering nerves and approached Jaskier, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist. Big blue eyes looked up at him, surprise clearly written in the bard's face but Geralt also noticed the quick glance down his chest and the way heat rose to Jaskier's cheeks.

"Geralt? Everything okay?" the bard asked and he knew he wouldn't risk losing this. This closeness and friendship they had. It was no real hardship to sleep with someone after all, just not his favored activity. Geralt took the pen out of Jaskier's hand and pulled the man up, looking at his face for any sign of discomfort but all he could see and smell was curious arousal. He pushed his bard at the wall and kissed him. This was something he enjoyed a lot, to feel skin meet skin, soft lips opening to let him enter, the trust it needed to allow him to nibble at his bard's neck. Jaskier gasped and held on for dear life, kissing back with zeal.

But when Geralt started to unlace his always half open doublet, Jaskier stilled his hands. "As much as I enjoy this Geralt, would you tell me what brought this on?" he asked breathlessly, trying very hard not to look where Geralt was feeling his towel slip away. "Giving you a reason to stay." Geralt mumbled, nibbling at the bard's jaw as he had learned many people enjoyed. Seeing the other man shudder was satisfying. Even if he didn't fully understand the whole deal, to know he could reduce Jaskier to a breathless mess was still rewarding on its own.

Confused blue eyes looked up at him and he could smell the arousal in Jaskier lessen. "I'm not going anywhere, Geralt. Unless you want me to?" The bard cocked his head, clearly confused by their exchange when it was so simple. Geralt would offer the bard his body and for that he'd get a kind travel companion at his side. It was an exchange. He didn't want to talk about it anymore, Jaskier's confusion puzzled him, wasn't this what the bard wanted? His songs had suggested as much.

Instead of embracing Geralt again, Jaskier took both of his hands and led him to the bed. So it really was what he wanted. Geralt was glad to see he hadn't read the situation entirely wrong after all. But then the bard offered Geralt his shirt and pants and motioned for him to sit down. "Darling, as much as I'd love to absolutely ravage you, I don't feel comfortable doing so without us talking first. Why do you think I'll leave and why do you think you need to kiss me to stop me from going away?" Geralt was glad he couldn't blush when he felt heat rise up to his face. "Everyone leaves. But sometimes they stay longer if we do this." he mumbled, not meeting Jaskier's eyes. The unhappiness and tension radiating from his bard would have been visible even for someone who couldn't smell emotions.

Lute calloused hands took his and Geralt enjoyed their warmth, the kindness they promised. The nights they´d have to huddle together for warmth were always the ones he slept soundest. “Geralt, darling, look at me please?” Jaskier asked and the blue pools of concern he met almost made him crumble. “Is this what you want? If so, I'll gladly share the bed with you in any capacity. But it's not, right? Not really. I know you by now and you look like you do before you go out for a difficult hunt.”

The witcher couldn´t remember the last time somebody had asked him what he wanted, most people just assumed a witcher would be happy for any kind of carnal pleasure and should be grateful they allowed him to get this close. Not even Yennefer, who had literally been in his thoughts, had bothered to check if he wanted this, just assumed. Grasping at Jaskier´s hand, he decided to jump, to tell Jaskier the truth. If the bard refused to sleep with him, he would leave soon anyway, so if Geralt´s truth sped that decision up, it wouldn't really matter, would it?

"I…" he took a deep breath and Jaskier squeezed his hand reassuringly, "I don't hate it?" Geralt managed to say before his throat closed up again. Why was he so nervous about this talk? How could this be harder than what he had originally planned to do?

"Is that a question, my dear?" Jaskier smiled but it didn't feel like he was laughing at him. Geralt shook his head, "It's like, I don't get the whole thing about sex? It's fun in a physical way but I don't miss its absence. I see beauty in some people but never felt the need to invite them to my bed." When was the last time he'd talked this much and been this open about his emotions? Emotions he wasn't supposed to have in the first place. "The trials must have broken me that way." Suddenly a gentle hand cupped his cheeks and Geralt hadn't even noticed he'd averted his eyes from Jaskier's, waiting for the mocking to start. "Darling, you're not broken. You're beautiful and perfect and this is entirely normal. You're not the only person to experience this." Jaskier said, holding his face close. Geralt could smell how serious the bard took this, any hint of arousal had vanished from the air and been replaced by worry.

The witcher didn't know what to say or do, so he decided to wait and absorb the warmth Jaskier offered so freely, leaning into the touch. The bard scrambled closer and sat on his lap. "This okay?" Geralt nodded, surprised at so much offered contact but too confused to question it. "I want you to feel comfortable, darling. And I'm not going to leave you just because you don't want to sleep with me." The witcher was about to object but Jaskier put a finger on his lips, stopping him, "I'm not going to leave you Geralt. Unless you ask me to. And I don't expect any kind of recompensation from you." Well muscled arms from practicing the lute embraced him and pulled Geralt's head to Jaskier's chest. "And I am very grateful you trust me enough to talk to me, love. And that you want to have me around." A small kiss was pressed to the crown of his head.

Geralt wrapped his arms around the warm weight in his lap, enjoying the contact and steady heartbeat next to his ear. His chest felt ready to burst. "Can we still sleep in the same bed?" The witcher asked, glad his voice was muffled by Jaskier's shirt so that the bard could just ignore him if he wanted to. "Yes, of course darling. I wouldn't want to share a bed with anyone else but you." the bard answered and caressed his back. "Tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable and also what you desire and we will figure everything out as we go." Geralt nodded into Jaskier's shirt. "And what about you? What do you get out of this? I'm not good with sharing. I wouldn't want you to lack anything, to be unsatisfied." Oh, talking was absolutely easier with his face hidden into a shirt that smelled like honey and kindness and gentle fingers tracing patterns into his back.

Jaskier squeezed his frame, "I get to stay with you." he whispered. "Geralt, you're one of the most important people in my life and I've been in love with you for years. And for anything else, I've seen quite a few interesting toys in the last town, we'll make do." The bard waggled his fingers and eyebrows exaggeratedly and Geralt couldn't stop an amused huff bubbling up his chest. Maybe this could really work, maybe Jaskier didn't see him just as a tool, Geralt thought when the bard laid them both down on the bed, hugging his back and burying his face between Geralt's shoulder blades.

#my writing #witcher #the witcher #geralt/jaskier #geraskier #ace positivity #Ace week #Ace geralt #ramblings

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evolutionsvoid · 4 years ago

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If one has read through my previous entries on Slimes, you should know by now that they are an incredibly adaptable and versatile species. Though they are just a heart and a pseudobody, their special signals and incredible slime allow them to create a variety of shapes and forms. From sticky Flayers who cover themselves in adhesive goo and bone shards, to volatile Fire Slimes that secrete flammable liquids and use gathered flint to light it all aflame! It is no surprise that this species has thrived and spread for so long! However, at times this versatility can lead to some issues. Like any other beast, Slimes are susceptible to parasites, disease and the ravages of time. Horrible things that can mess with their minds and hijack their signals. When a Slime is struck by one of these terrible fates, you either wish for a speedy recovery or a merciful death. Cruel as it sounds, things can become a real problem when these illnesses choose to linger. Be it parasite or virus, one can take over the form of a Slime and turn them into something even worse. I have written about Slime Dragons before, and how those abominations come to be. To quickly recap, Slime colonies tend to have buried networks of elder hearts that aid in reproduction and knowledge transfer. Slimes can physically connect to these networks to share nutrients, information or transfer their young. In most cases, these networks get along just fine, but age can start to wear on the oldest of hearts. As the decades pass by, an elder heart may start to degrade and fail. Most cases end with these dying organs being put of their misery and absorbed, but there are rare instances where the network is too late in realizing this weakness. In extreme cases, a fading heart may start to produce a "rotted signal," a droning message that is simple and infectious. Slimes use signals generated by their hearts to control their goo and communicate with others. They can share signals with one another without a problem, but rotted signals are not so kind. Due to their nature, these signals are capable of overwriting the signals of other Slimes and causing their hearts to pump out the same infectious message. All Slimes who come in contact with an infected heart or pseudobody will be hijacked and added to the collective. Slime Dragons are beasts that can result from a rotted signal taking over, but they are only one outcome for this dire situation. You see, a rotted signal is not just gibberish or useless noise, it often is a normal message that a Slime would use that has become corrupted. For Slime Dragons, the signal that births them is the same signal Slimes use when they are hungry or look to feed. It is a blaring message to consume that takes them over and creates this gluttonous monstrosity. So that means a different signal can lead to a different outcome, which is where the Slime's versatility takes a cruel turn. For each type of rotted signal, their is a corresponding abomination that is born from it, and each is specially equipped to bring a whole lot of misery and destruction. The diseased amalgamation I wish to write about today is known as the Mind Sink. While it is a network that has succumbed to an infection like a Slime Dragon, it is quite different from those slithering, hungering brutes. Their congealed and hardening slime will form skittering legs, and a bizarre frame. While its outside has grown dark and thickened by the corrupted fusion of so many Slimes, within this brittle cage will form a gooey writhing core. Here is where the infested hearts lie, and from there comes a multitude of flailing tendrils and snaring tentacles. I imagine it is a freaky sight to behold, and one I have thankfully never witnessed! The Mind Sink is one of these abominations I am most disturbed by, as it hungers for something more than flesh! The signal that becomes corrupted is the one Slimes will use to transfer knowledge to one another. It is a message that kind of says "can I copy your notes?" which the other Slime will agree to and they will share their information. When it grows foul, though, this message does not ask for permission. Rather, it becomes more of theft than a collaboration, as the infested Slimes mindlessly drain the information out of the victim. Slimes that are caught by these serpentine limbs will immediately be linked to the corrupted network and they will begin to draw out all their knowledge. In moments, the Slime will be emptied of all their information and thoughts, and will instead start to pump out the rotted signal. They will be pulled into the core and will join their infested brethren, ready to seek out the next victim. I know some may think that it is a rough process for the Slimes, and to that I must make a correction. It is a rough process for everyone, because the Mind Sink does not just prey on its own.

It has been thought that the signals from a Slime's heart shares some similarities with the signals our brains create. While that is a whole field of study and wondering I am not well versed in, I can say that Mind Sink has given us a bit of confirmation on that. Mind Sinks not only hunger for the knowledge of their fellow Slimes, but they will target other creatures as well. Doesn't matter if it is man, beast or thinking plant, if it has a brain or a similar organ, it wants inside. Non-Slimes who are seized by a Mind Sink's arms will be entangled and immobilized in its grip. Coils of slime will pin their limbs in a cocoon, and slithering tendrils will seek out the source of the victim's thoughts. They somehow have a way of pinpointing the location of the brain and, once they do, they find the quickest way to access it. The point of entry is usually a facial orifice, be it nose, mouth, ears or eyes. They will burrow to the brain and the corrupted goop will make physical contact. From there, it will hijack the signals and quickly learn how to manipulate the organ, giving it access to their memories, knowledge and life experiences. With the mental feast now ready, the Mind Sink will say "I will have everything!" and start to drain. So far it has not been found if there is any order to what it consumes first, or if there is any logic behind it. Like a whirlpool, it just sucks in whatever it can. The mind will be siphoned away by this hungering mass, and the victim is quite powerless to do anything about it. When your brain is taken over by a gooey monstrosity, you aren't exactly in the right state of mind to fight back. Due to the difference between Slimes and species like us, the brain draining process takes much longer. Think of it like trying to transcribe an entire book in a language you don't understand. Yeah, you can do it by just copying the symbols, but it will take you longer. It appears that it takes a few minutes for a fleshy or plant-based victim to be fully emptied, and then they will simply be tossed aside. Those that fall to this awful fate will not have much of a mind left. Memories will be gone, any knowledge or skills they had will be wiped out and their own thoughts will be a scrambled mess due to the brutal takeover their brain experienced. Most become comatose, while some may flop around like a fish and babble nonsense. It is a truly horrible thing, and a cure or remedy has yet to be found. Due to how much longer it takes to fully feed off a victim, one can be saved from the grasp of a Mind Sink before they are truly lost. If one can sever the tendril that holds the prisoner and cut them off from the network, the slime will collapse in a useless heap. The connection with their brain will end and so will the drain. It should be noted that freeing a victim from a hungering tendril is just the first step, because the Mind Sink has a dozen more and it will be eager to reclaim its prize. Best to grab them the second they are let go and run as fast as you can! Severing this link before the mind can be fully consumed is certainly a good thing, but damages will still occur. It depends on how long they were being fed on, as that decides how much was removed from the brain. Those that were held for only a few moments won't notice too much of a difference after they have rested and recovered, but some things will certainly be lost. Probably a handful of distant memories and mental tidbits were taken, but they won't notice their absence right away. Those fed upon for longer will have patchy memory loss, temporary issues with physical functions and scattered thoughts. It will be like someone took the book of their life and ripped out random pages. Thankfully, the book will mostly remain, so that means recovery is possible. Physical therapy will be required for any functions that were damaged by the hijacking, and the mind will need some help too. Not only will they need to relearn lost skills and forgotten memories, but their mind will need to recoup as well. Meditation, therapy and other calming activities are needed to help them stabilize their thoughts and reorganize their scattered mental archives. Recovery is not the fastest thing, but time and patience will help heal the wounds and fill the gaps torn in their heads. No doubt now that it has become obvious that Mind Sinks are incredibly dangerous and need to be exterminated whenever they rise. These are diseased amalgamations that will cause untold damage and tragedy as long as they are alive, and there does not seem to be any peaceful way to resolve their rampage. Like Slime Dragons, the way to bring down these monstrosities is to target the original heart that is creating the rotted signal. That is where the signal is originating from, and the other hearts are merely mimicking it. Kill the source and the others will soon fall silent, causing the fusion to fall apart. When it perishes, all the other Slimes are set free, but they won't be the same as they were before they were assimilated. All the knowledge they had was taken by the Mind Sink, and where all that information goes is quite random. As far as we know, all that it absorbs is held in a condensed mess of noise and thoughts that is shared by all the consumed hearts. Its mind eating abilities may make it seem like it can take memories and knowledge then use them against their foes, but that isn't the case. They do not weaponize what they take, they don't even seem to pay the stolen information any mind. Their own mind is like a garbage can, and anything they get their tendrils on is just chucked inside without a second thought. They don't want to use it or interpret it, they just want it. So with all this knowledge shoved into one mangled ball of mental energy, there is no telling what belongs to who or who belongs to what! When the Mind Sink is terminated, all that knowledge is fractured and dumped randomly into the freed hearts. The Slimes who emerge from the collapsed amalgamation will have a stew of memories and thoughts that are not their own. Some will be completely different from before, while some will be fumbling with the fractured mess they have been given. Not only will they be mixed up with their own selves, but there can also be a whole bunch of information that was stolen from non-Slimes that is now stuck in them! Some may be in bits and pieces, while some Slimes can have whole chunks of a person's life inside them! There is a tale that has gone around about a monster slayer going out to kill a rampaging Mind Sink. He failed to defeat the beast and was consumed by it, but eventually someone brought it down. What was brought back to his family was an empty shell, and they cared for him in this comatose state. The family prayed that one day he would get better, that somehow his mind and faculties would return. One morning, his wife heard someone walking around the house and his voice started to call for her. Believing that a miracle had been granted, she rushed to him only to find him still in his bed and still in a coma. What walked in to greet her in her husband's voice was a Slime, who had somehow wound up with a big chunk of his memories and personality. I personally don't think this story is true, because the ending to this tale has several different versions. Some say she took the Slime as a replacement for her husband, while others say she killed it in horror on the spot. I have heard some say that the Slime returned all the memories to the comatose husband and he was cured, but that one is certainly fake. It would be nice if that could happen, but Slimes are incapable of putting things into our heads like that. Our minds are like colorful sandpaintings, and the Mind Sink just reached in and yanked out handfuls of it. Can you just take those fistfuls and put them back so easily? I say that about returning memories and how that is impossible, but then I remember that there is an exception to that: the Slimes themselves. While they can come out all scrambled, it is possible for the Slimes to rearrange themselves back into facsimiles of their old selves. Slimes can already transfer stuff to one another, so they could puzzle out what parts belong to who and then sort them out. I have no clue how you can tell if a memory is yours or not, but then again, I don't have the ability to copy and share my brain (I wish I did, though! It would make teaching so much easier)! So Slimes can return what was lost between them, but they will still wind up with pieces of non-Slime information. What they do with this is unknown and up to who wields it, but some believe that Slimes have gained portions of their knowledge by recovering stolen thoughts from a Mind Sink. Supposedly an ancient Mind Sink fed upon human settlements and was finally slain, and the Slimes that emerged claimed all the knowledge and skills of its victims. Could it have happened? Maybe. Do I believe it? No, because I do not like the light it paints Slimes in. The theory is essentially saying they stole all their knowledge and wisdom from others, and proposes that they couldn't have come across this any other way. Seems more like it is derogatory towards Slimes than it is trying to learn more about them. Doesn't help that the people I have met who believe this theory have all kind of been jerks towards Slimes. After all this talk about Mind Sinks and their horrific abilities, I bet some think that I can offer tips on how to kill one. In truth, I got nothing. Take out the original rotted heart and the rest falls apart. How do you do that? Not really my department there. I am a researcher not a warrior, and I personally don't want to be anywhere near one of these things. As someone who has spent years learning and seeking knowledge, the concept of a brain-sucking monster is absolutely terrifying to me. All my experiences, all my work drained away in minutes, reducing me to a mindless vegetable! No thank you! I like my thoughts right where they are, and I got enough of a scatter brain already! The only way I want to share my knowledge is through my writings and teachings! Read my life's work, don't yank it out of my skull! Speaking of that, I better watch my tongue. Enough talk about a mind-wiping monster and Eucella might hire one and sic it on me. It would be way easier to chop up my writings and sell a book if I was brainless idiot! Chlora Myron Dryad Natural Historian - You know I read these, right? This is not helping your case in the slightest. And also you might want to drop the "if" and change the "was" on the brainless idiot part. - Eucella - ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Slimes, Slimes, I love Slimes!

#slime #slimes #goop #goo #monster #creature #brain #art #drawing

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caranfindel · 4 years ago

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Recap/review 15.18: “Despair”

THEN: The key to Billie's library. Billie wants to become God. Cas made a deal with The Empty. Chuck absorbed Amara. Jack absorbed Adam's rib. Dean pointed a gun at Sam (DEAN POINTED A GUN AT SAM.) Chuck is pissed. Jack is going to explode.

NOW: We begin right where we left off last week, with Jack about to explode with God-killing power. Sam half-carries him into the map table room, Cas tells him to take deep breaths and focus, and Dean gets all panicky and is no help at all. Jack wants the guys to just leave him outside in order to minimize the damage when he goes kaboom. {Sidebar... how far away would he have to be, considering that his explosive power could kill God? Discuss.} Dean yells at Sam to find one of Rowena's spells (and oh, Sam as Rowena's apprentice; there's a plot that was sadly wasted, wasn't it?) but he's interrupted by Billie and her scythe, which she's carrying in a very obvious way. She's furious, and tells them the plan to destroy Chuck was doomed "because of you." Billie can't stop Jack's earth-shattering kaboom, "but there is something I can do." She sends him to the Empty. Empty!Meg cheerfully points out that he doesn't look so hot, but then he looks explosively hot. Ah, there's our earth-shattering kaboom!

Bunker. Billie explains that The Empty was the only option to absorb the impact of Jack the Bomb. And that he's not necessarily dead, because taking out Chuck and Amara was the part that was fatal, not actually being the bomb. Hmm. So Jack's point of no return wasn't actually a point of no return after all. It's kinda retconny, but not really? I've decided it's logical and I approve.

However, if the Empty survives, "it's gonna be pissed." Particularly at Billie. And it's very strong. Billie and Sam remind us that the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned. They do not get into the details of what constitutes a summoning, but I'm sure that isn't important. And Billie might be willing to bring Jack back, assuming he survived, but not until Sam returns what he took from her. Chuck's death book.

Sam immediately goes on the attack. He points out that she was planning to betray them from the start, leading to the deaths of all the AU refugees and everyone who was brought back from death, including him and Dean. "Even if I give you the book," he says, "what's to stop you from stabbing us in the back? Killing us all?"

"Nothing," Billie says. She gets up in Sam's face and tells him Jack won't last long. Either give her the book now, or lose him forever. (Can I just point out that Sam is still a little bloody from Dean punching him in the face? After he pointed a gun at him?)

Meanwhile, in the Empty, we discover that Jack is still alive (yay) and that this episode was directed by Richard Speight (yay). He is surrounded by particles that gradually form back into Empty!Meg. And, as predicted, she's pissed.

In the bunker, Sam brings the book to Billie, but ignores her outstretched hand and slams it onto the table instead. It's a pointless little burst of defiance and I love it.

Billie flips to the end to read the new ending of God's book, "since you ruined the last one." She seems to like what she reads. Sam says "Wait, the ends of your books change? So me killing Rowena was presented as unavoidable fate but it really wasn't necessary at all?" No, he actually doesn't. But I do, on his behalf. It's a pointless little burst of defiance. Over in the Empty, Empty!Meg grabs Jack's head and says "you made it loud!" and this is a conversation I've had with my dogs in the wee dark hours of the morning more times than I can count because we just want to SLEEP, GUYS but before she can actually crush his head, Billie zaps him back to the bunker.

Billie tells the guys that Jack is hers because he's still useful. Dean responds by grabbing her scythe and swinging at her. She flings him away, but she's wounded and bleeding light. Oh, and she dropped the book. Sam and Cas ignore Dean crumpled over against the wall - Cas runs to comfort Jack, and Sam runs to pick up the book. Unfortunately, he can't open it. Dean says "hey, thanks for not helping me, guys" and Sam says "oh, I'm sorry, I guess I'm still a little rattled from you punching me in the face after you pointed a gun at me." No, he doesn't. But I do, on his behalf.

Several people have pointed out how skinny Jared looks in these last few episodes, but this is the first time I've noticed it. It will be interesting to see how he looks in the two that were filmed after their Covid shutdown.

Time jump. Dean is sitting in the library, drinking whiskey. And I've said it a million times but I'll say it again - I could watch an entire episode that was just Dean drinking. And then it gets even better when Sam walks in wearing only a v-neck t-shirt. Single layer Sam alert, guys! How long has it been? Dean slides the bottle over to him and we get a little bonus hand porn and then this happens:

Sam, I'm sorry about... everything.

Dean, you don't have to -

I pulled a gun on you. It's like I just couldn't stop. You know, we were so close to beating him. Like, I could smell Chuck's blood in the water, and I - nothing else mattered. It was everything. And I just couldn't snap out of it.

Well, you did. You've snapped me out of worse.

Hmmm. Am I missing a time when Dean snapped Sam out of something? I mean, I know in Stull, Sam was able to overcome Lucifer because of Dean. But that was Sam snapping himself out of it. And Dean convinced Sam to give up the trials, but that wasn't Sam under anything that he needed to be "snapped out of." I think if you're going to give Dean credit for snapping himself out of it when confronted by his teary eyed, bloodied little brother, you have to give Sam credit for snapping himself out of his own situations.

It doesn't matter. All that matters is these two sitting quietly in the dark, drinking whiskey together.

Dean's feeling some despair (nice) because Billie wants them dead, Jack is powerless (oh, wait, when did that happen?), and Michael isn't answering his prayers. No one is on their side. "Well, we regroup, somehow," says Sam. They drink a sad little toast to "somehow," and I die a thousand deaths.

Billie's library. Billie stalks angrily through the stacks. A reaper informs her he put up warding to keep the Empty out, and asks if the plan has changed. Yes, it has.

Elsewhere, a woman we don't know is cooking some seriously dry scrambled eggs. She thinks she knows what she's doing, because she's explaining to someone else in the room how to cook eggs so they're "not too runny, not too dry" but seriously. Gordon Ramsay would be appalled. {Sidebar: Gordon's eggs actually look a bit too runny for my taste, and my family would refuse to eat them, but this lady's dry crumbly eggs are still an abomination.} She turns around and we see AU Charlie sitting at the kitchen table. Oh, Charlie has a girlfriend! Sweet. And she must be in love, because she tells this girlfriend that they're the best eggs she's ever had. And also, she's still hunting. Guess she didn't retire to a mountaintop after all. Probably because she couldn't get wifi. Anyway. Her girlfriend's plate crashes to the floor because her girlfriend abruptly disappeared. (Aw, her name was Stevie. Stevie and Charlie. How cute is that?)

Time jump. Charlie's apartment building is called Kim Manor. Nice.

As Sam runs the EMF meter (and there's a nice wordless conversation where Sam lets Dean know he didn't find anything), Charlie talks about how they met (thanks to AU Bobby) and how she experienced nothing when Stevie disappeared. No sulphur smell, no cold, nothing. Dean and Sam have another wordless conversation about what they think happened.

Dean and Sam explain that Billie wants to send all the AU people back to their now non-existent worlds. So Stevie was from AU World too? I guess that explains how AU Bobby knew her. Coincidentally, Sam's phone rings, and it's AU Bobby. They have an extremely short conversation in which Sam learns that another AU hunter simply vanished. And there's no explanation on Sam's end, just "yeah, I understand." So have they already talked to AU Bobby about the Billie situation? Or was Sam and Bobby's conversation literally "hey, a hunter vanished into thin air, how weird is that" and "yeah, I understand" with no further discussion? Anyway. Dean says it's open season on anyone from another world (aw, sorry, Winchesters in Brazil), anyone who came back from the dead, and Sam gets a horrified look on his face and says "Eileen." Oh shit!

Meanwhile, out by the Impala, in broad daylight, Jack tells Cas that he feels strange because the plan failed and his destiny was averted. "I was ready to die, and I wanted to - for Sam, for Dean, for the world - I wanted to make things right. And now I don't know why I'm even here." OF COURSE HE LISTED SAM FIRST. Cas tells him he didn't need absolution from anyone, and that they care about him not because of his usefulness, but just because he's him. Somewhere Dean says "um, wait." Jack is scared because he's powerless and can't protect anyone. Cas is too. So, did Jack lose his powers after the earth shattering kaboom? Or earlier, and I just wasn't paying attention?

Nighttime. Dean speeds down the road as Sam texts Eileen. I don't know where Eileen is, but she must be pretty far away from Kim Manor. Sam told her to get out of her house, go somewhere public, and wait by her car. Now, I cover the guest star credits, so I don't know if Shoshanna is in this episode. But even unspoiled, I'm pretty sure she's not going to be there when they arrive. She starts to type a response, as evidenced by the bubbles, but then stops responding. Yep, just as I thought, no one is standing by her car. Sam finds her phone on the ground, cracked as if it were dropped (like, say, by someone who disappeared while holding it) and LOOK AT HER LOCKSCREEN. LOOK AT IT.

Some will say this is just the photo that pops up when Sam texts her but they are WRONG. This is her FREAKING LOCK SCREEN, PEOPLE.

Anyway. He sees the unfinished message she was writing, which says she's by her car. Aw, Sam. Dean tries to talk to him and he says "I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now."

Aw, SAM!

Sam compartmentalizes his grief and jumps into take-care-of-everyone mode. He says they need to gather everyone together, and they need to find a location central to everyone. Well, I mean, there is one place I know of that is literally the central most point in the United States, maybe you could go there? It's supposed to be secure from all things supernatural, too. Dean says that while Sam is going that, he is going to go end what he started. OH, GOOD. I WAS HOPING THEY WOULD SPLIT UP. "We couldn't make Chuck pay, but Billie? She left her blade. Her I can kill." Hey, wouldn't be the first time. Sam agrees, Cas says he'll go with Dean, and we get a brother hug. Once again, Dean does the two things I love when he hugs Sam: 1. he puts his arms on top, as if he were still the taller brother, and b. he looks away and packs up his emotions before he lets Sam see his face after the hug. "Let's go, Cas," he says. "Let's go reap a reaper." Cas turns and follows without saying anything at all to Sam or Jack, but I'm sure that won't be an issue.

Time jump - it's daytime. Sam's on the phone with Donna, who is standing outside her truck (but didn't she used to have a big black SUV?) at that bridge we've seen so many times. She's sending him to "the old Harmon property," which should be just what he's looking for because it has an abandoned silo. I mean, I wouldn't jump immediately to abandoned silo, but maybe there weren't any abandoned warehouses around. She says it's in Hastings, just south of her, and if you think I didn't confirm that the town of Hastings is in fact about 30 minutes south of Stillwater, Minnesota then you just don't know me at all.

Sam is at a gas station and oh, he's driving Eileen's car! That's not heartbreaking at all. I guess she didn't have her keys in her pocket when she disappeared. (Hah, like Sam Winchester needs keys.) Donna and AU Bobby are rounding up everyone they can think of. She asks what the plan is, and Sam bends down creepily to look at Jack in the passenger seat and says "I'm still working on that." I mean, I know they keep telling us Jack lost his powers, but the way Sam looks at him right here certainly suggests Jack is part of the plan, and maybe not in a good way. (Spoiler alert: seriously, why do I even bother.)

Sam comes around to Jack's window and tells him he needs him to drive, because Sam needs to work on archives and spells and stuff. And is that true, or is this just "I don't expect you to live through this part so I want to let you have some time behind the wheel of Eileen's 1970 Plymouth Valiant?" (At least that's what The Husband thinks it is.)

Bunker. Enter Dean and Cas. Dean declares that if Billie isn't in her library, they'll just trash the place to "smoke her out." It's an interesting choice of words.

Foreshadowing Dean as the new Death? (Remember, I'm completely unspoiled. I know nothing.)

Silo. Let's stick to this location for now. Sam and Jack pull up and are greeted by Donna. Jack goes inside to set up the warding, and Donna gives Sam a nice hug.

I want to be there.

She tells him she's sorry about Eileen and gets one of his sad little nods that I love so much. Bobby is already here, and she name-drops Garth and Jody and the girls, saying they're on "high alert." Sam tells her they're not on Billie's list, so they should be safe. And so should Donna. Well, that's good to know. Sam's surprised to see Charlie pull up. She tells him "I just don't want this to happen to anyone else." I don't know what you think you're going to be able to do, Charlie, but okay.

Turns out the silo is actually a Tardis, so I guess maybe it was a good choice. It's huge on the inside, and is also more finished than any silo I've ever been in (which is, okay, one silo, but still.) The interior is already heavily warded. Several people are milling about. {Sidebar: How many hunters were away from the bunker when Michael attacked, and why have none of them returned?} Bobby tells Sam that as soon as the hunters heard he wanted them there, they came running. "Whether you like it or not, you're the big man here." Hey, I wonder if the guy who called him Chief is here. Bobby, being a man after my own heart, is mostly concerned about the bathroom situation. Sam hopes they won't be there long enough for it to be an issue. He has a spell from Rowena (!) that should boost the strength of the wards, but that's all he has. Bobby doesn't look very reassured, and glances in a foreshadowy way at a family with kids. Sam looks around at all of these people he feels responsible for and takes a deep breath and oh, my heart.

Donna and Jack are painting more wards. Jack bends down to look at a plant, and Donna comes up to him and says "I'm no expert on this hoodoo stuff, but best we patch that up, yeah?" and I don't know what the hell she's talking about. What is this plant disturbing? Jack reaches out to touch the plant and it withers away as his hand gets close. Friends, I'm pretty sure this is a bad sign. Jack is too. He stares at his hand, and if he'd been watching a few seasons ago, he would have noticed that plants did the same thing when Amara touched them. Coincidence???

Later we see everyone watch as Sam recites the spell. (Yes, it's hot. Do you even have to ask?) The sigils glow red briefly and then fade, and the music turns ominous and I think this means his boost failed. But I guess not, because Sam says now they wait. But they don't have to wait long, because suddenly one of the children dissolves into smoke. One by one, all of the AU people dissolve like they've been snapped by Thanos. Charlie runs up to Sam and says "Sam, what do we do" just like Maggie did, and just like Maggie she's taken out immediately. Sam watches in horror as AU Bobby smokes out. He turns to Donna, who says "Mr. Stark, I don't feel so good," and then Donna is gone! Crap! Jack and Sam are left staring at the empty-except-for-them silo.

One more serving of despair, coming right up.

On to the other side.

Dean enters Billie's library, brandishing the scythe. Cas follows, bearing only a hangdog expression. Dean motions for him to go one direction and Dean goes the other, soon finding Billie. He thinks he's sneaking up behind her, but she says "So, I guess this is the part where I say hello boys. Hello, boys." Oh, I was wrong; Cas has his angel blade. Billie snarks about Dean's bad aim, and he says he wasn't trying to kill her then (which seems like a lie), but he is now, because of what she's doing to his people. Billie slams him against the wall again. She chokes Cas Darth Vader-style from a distance, and then the old fashioned way. "Remember when you stabbed me in the back?" she says. "Because I do." Oh, that's funny, because earlier Sam said she was going to stab them in the back. She should have said "like you stabbed me?"

Dean comes to the rescue by poking her with the blunt end of the scythe rather than the pointy end, so maybe she was right about his bad aim. Then he gets the blade against her throat (but still not the sharp end, just the back) and demands that she stop killing his friends. She says she didn't - it was Chuck. And Dean's wasting time.

I'm considering it time well spent, because it looks so nice.

Billie tells Dean the injury he gave her earlier is something she can't recover from - she's going to die. She pulls away her coat to show him a nasty festering wound, and I wonder why something so physical would kill her, but. Eh. She tells him she doesn't care about his friends or family. "But seeing you here has reminded me of something. There is one thing I'd like. One wish before I go. I'd like to see you dead." She grabs her scythe back, flings the boys around, and slowly stalks toward them. Dean and Cas rush through the door back into the bunker.

Dean is panicky again, trying to figure out what to do next. He's suddenly struck down by chest pain, and I expect to see someone sticking a knife (or a scythe) in his back, but it's actually Billie doing it Darth Vader-style again. Cas drags him away as Billie monologues. "It's you, Dean; it's always been you. Death-defying. Rule-breaking. You are everything I lived to set right. To put down. To tame. You are human disorder incarnate." Yeah, we know, Dean's awesome. We get this speech every season.

Cas and Dean end up in the dungeon storeroom. Cas gets Dean's knife out of his pocket and cuts his own hand to paint a sigil on the door. It looks like an angel banishing sigil, but apparently it block's Billie's power. Not permanently, though, because it fades as she pounds on the door. Cas says that since the wound is killing her, they just have to wait her out.

Yeah, and if we can't?

Then we fight.

We'll lose. I just led us into another trap. All because I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry, and because I just needed something to kill, and because that's all I know how to do.

Dean.

It was Chuck all along. We never should have left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now.

Yes you should, Dean, you really really should. Dean is practically drowning in despair, which, you know. Is a good thing. 10/10 would recommend. "She's gonna get through that door," he tells Cas. "And she's gonna kill you, and then she's gonna kill me. I'm sorry."

"Wait, there is one thing she's afraid of," Cas says. "There's one thing strong enough to stop her." He tells Dean about the deal he made to save Jack in the Empty.

Friends, I'm going to do you a favor. If you haven't seen the episode, and aren't planning to watch the episode, I want you to read this paragraph and then skip down until you see the pretty picture of Dean. And start reading after that picture. Trust me. So, Cas summons the Empty just as Billie breaks down the door. The Empty kills Billie, but she also takes Cas. Dean is saved but Cas is gone.

{Sigh. Can I skip this part? No, I owe it to you.}

Cas explains that the Empty was going to come snatch him away as soon as he experienced a moment of true happiness. But happiness isn't having, happiness is knowing. And Dean is wonderful and "Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love." You just threatened to shoot your little brother for love, for example. Cas is teary eyed and Dean looks confused as hell and I pause the TV and turn to The Husband and we have this conversation:

I don't think I can watch this.

Why, because it's so sappy?

No, because I think they're going to kiss.

What? Why would they kiss? Is there something I'm missing?

Because part of the fandom WANTS them to kiss, and there's this group of fans that are super obnoxious about it, and they harass the actors and the writers and I think now the show thinks EVERYBODY wants them to kiss. Even though the guy who plays Dean* says it would never happen. Because I know he wasn't happy about the way the show ended, and I'm afraid this is why he wasn't happy.

...

I don't think they're gonna kiss.

If they do, I'm done.

*The Husband is not on a first name basis with Jensen.

So, let me point out that The Husband, who watches this show the way a normal human being watches a show (i.e., doesn't interact with the fandom at all), had absolutely NO expectation that they would kiss. Anyway, with some trepidation, I push play again. And Cas is still going. Dean is the most caring, selfless, loving human being on earth (OH GOD MAKE IT STOP) and knowing him has changed Cas.

Why does this sound like a goodbye?

Because it is. I love you.

Don't do this, Cas.

We see a black blob materialize behind Dean, because even though the Empty can only come to Earth if it's summoned, there it is. And I could argue about whether Cas being happy actually summoned the damn thing but I've already lost the will to live, so instead I'm going to describe to you how I watched in horror, with my finger hovering over the pause button, as Cas reached out to Dean and put his hand on his shoulder. But he just pushed him out of the way. Thank you baby Jesus. Billie breaks the door down as the Empty slurps into the dungeon. It surrounds Cas and Billie and sucks them into its depths. Dean is left alone. Oh, and he has a bloody palm print on his jacket from Cas grabbing his shoulder. I guess someone did watch a little bit of older seasons after all. Hard to tell sometimes.

I mean, at least he looked good, right?

Back at the silo. I've decided it must be mostly underground and isn't a grain silo like I thought. So what kind of silo do Yankees have that's mostly underground? Anyway. Jack and Sam emerge, having failed catastrophically at their mission. Sam is trying to call Dean, who isn't answering. He looks mildly panicky. "Sam?" Jack says, a little shaky. "Was it just them?"

OH CRAP. I didn't even think of that possibility.

"I don't know," Sam says, also shaky. And as we see an empty gas station and playground, it really looks like it wasn't just them at all. Sam and Jack look at each other, alone and terrified. And back in the bunker's dungeon, Dean's phone rings. It's Sam. He doesn't answer.

Despair!

So. You know how sometimes something really good will happen in an episode? And I'll say, no matter how bad this episode is, this 90 seconds makes it worth it? Well, sometimes the opposite happens. Sometimes you get a two or three minute scene - a horribly written, badly acted scene - and it's so awful that it ruins an episode. A season. A show. I'm angry that the showrunners pandered to a small, noisy minority of fans to throw something into the show that most fans didn't want and didn't help the story at all. I'm annoyed that, once again, Dean is put up on an embarrassingly overwrought pedestal. I'm kind of amused that they did this in the worst way possible. Cas's love was unrequited (unless they screw that up in the next episode), Misha's acting caused so much secondhand embarrassment that I had a hard time watching again, and from what I see on Tumblr, half of the Destihellers are furious because "Dean is a homophobe." Which is bullshit. Not returning someone's romantic affection isn't homophobia. It's consent. (I know... on this show? Ha ha.)

{Sidebar: If "Destiel" means the characters have mutual feelings for each other, doesn't this mean Destiel is not, in fact, canon? I mean, it was already so badly written that one could argue Cas wasn't proclaiming romantic love, but just a life-changing experience thanks to one human. Discuss.}

But I need to stop thinking about it. I can't - if I let myself go there, I'll lose my mind, I can't right now.

And this wasn't even the Buckleming episode, friends. There is probably a Buckleming episode left.

I got so distracted by this nonsense that I almost forgot to talk about the Jack situation. So here's how I feel about that. I love Jack as a character. I love him as someone the Winchesters could lose (Basically, someone to stuff in the fridge? Why not.) But I don't want him to be one of them. I don't want Jack's story to be treated as if it were as important as the Winchester's story. Just like I didn't want Cas to have his own plots. I want it always, always to come down to Sam and Dean.

Anyway, I'm sure I'll have more to say. But for right now, all I'm saying is this: I pledge to stick with this show, to stick with fanworks, no matter how badly they fuck up the landing. But guys, you don't have to try so hard to fuck it up.

Two to go. As always, help me stay unspoiled, including casting info and episode titles.

#spn #15.18 #spoilers #recap #tv recaps

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lovemalecforever · 3 years ago

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Chapter 19

Let me confine you in my arms.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Let me confine you in my arms, Calming the violence of your storms, Absorbing it in the depth of my soul, Gathering you up and making you whole.

Holding you tightly when we get closer, Letting you cry over my shoulder, Gently caressing and kissing you in parts, Slowly mending your broken heart.

©scrawled_dreams

[A/N: I thought this poem fits perfectly for Malec in this story, so I posted it here. This is my original under the pen name scrawled_dreams.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The warm golden rays of sunlight fell over Alec's eyes through the crack of the curtains, making him stir in sleep. The room was dimly lit with the golden glow of the rays filtering into the room. The crystal particles of dust were dancing in mid-air.

Alec's eyelashes fluttered and he woke up, then quickly covered his eyes, blocking the bright rays reaching into his eyes. He stirred, then woke up properly, only then he noticed his legs were intertwined with his husband's, his arm lay protectively over his waist in a tight grip and he was big spooning his sweet warlock. He smiled and left feather-soft kisses on his shoulder and nape of the neck, making sure not to disturb his sleeping beauty. He smoothly untangled them, so as not to disturb his husband, stood up and left for the bathroom. When he came out, his husband was still sound asleep so he decided to make breakfast for them.

He left for the kitchen and quickly made a breakfast consisting of scrambled eggs with bacon, bread toast, two mini pancakes, a bowl of fruit, a glass of orange juice for Magnus, and strong black coffee for himself. He put everything on a tray then left for his bedroom.

When he opened the bedroom door he saw his husband turning and tossing around on the bed, his hands moving around on the empty sheets like he was trying to grab something and he was mumbling something in his sleep. He walked towards the bed, kept the tray on the side table, and sat on the bed. From up close he was able to listen to what his warlock was mumbling in his sleep.

"Al... Alexander.. don... don't leave me, please. I.. won't.. won't be.. able to.. live.. with.. without you. I.. I'm sorry, for... forgive me, don't... don't leave me." He kept mumbling the same thing again and again.

Alec's heart sank in his chest, his wings threatening to come out and wrap Magnus in it. He controlled the urge as it was not the right time for that. Instead, he sat beside him and started running his fingers through his hair in a soothing manner, caressing him gently and softly, and gave him a feather-light kiss on his temple and forehead. The warlock relaxed under his touch and rested his hand on his lap.

"Wake up, Magnus. I've made breakfast for you." He nudged him gently.

"Mm.. fi.. minit..." Alec chuckled at his adorableness.

"Wake up love. You can sleep later, I have the whole day with you today." He softly kissed him on the tip of the nose.

That's when Magnus' eyes shot up, making him fully awake. "Alexander?" He shifted and sat up on the bed. He rubbed his eyes and looked at his shadowhunter with a glint.

"Morning, love!" He tucked the locks of his messy hairs falling on his temples behind his ears and kissed him tenderly on the lips.

As soon as Alec's lips touched Magnus, the realization of the recent happenings dawned on him, and just like that, the glint in his eyes was gone. The guilt overpowering all his other emotions.

"Mags, what's wrong?"

"I.. Alexander... I.." He stuttered, looking anywhere but him.

"Magnus, if this is about whatever that heartless bloodsucking vampire did to you, you don't have to worry, okay. I'll understand if you don't want to tell me what happened or want to take your time, but just know that she'll never be able to cause a strain in our relationship. I love you, Magnus Lightwood Bane, nothing can change that." He caressed his cheeks and pecked him on the temple.

Magnus didn't know why, but the gentle touch and his reassuring words had made him relax like everything will be normal between them the way it used to be before that horrible day a month ago. He nodded and smiled. "I'm sorry, Alexander. I just, these three days were horrible without you. Please don't leave like that ever again, I... I know I'm being selfish, but I just can't, I love you, Alexander."

"Hey, I'm never leaving you again, Magnus. You can be selfish about that. Now, breakfast is waiting for you." He took the tray from the table and kept it between them. Magnus warmed the breakfast with the flick of his hands, earning a sweet kiss on his cheek from his husband.

"Perks of having a warlock husband." Alec grinned.

"Why don't you have work today?" Magnus asked with a mouthful of scrambled eggs and bacon.

"I do, I told Jia that I'll be working from home today, I wanted to spend time with my husband. I know I've been busy lately, and I wanted to make it up to you for that."

Magnus looked at his shadowhunter, guilt washing over him once again. 'How could I? How am I ever gonna tell you the truths, about thinking of breaking our marriage, about the fear of losing you, about my feelings, about.. about what happened with Camille? I can't lose you, never ever again.' he thought.

"Then I should be one hell of a lucky man! I got my man for a whole day to myself, what are we gonna do about it?" He asked playfully, pushing away his guilt, much to his own obliviousness that he had become an open book to his husband in the past five years.

"Let me guess, lots of cuddles and complete bed rest for you. And don't you dare think about anything else! You're not in perfect shape, so let me just take care of you today. Sounds like a plan?"

Magnus pouted but eventually agreed. He just wanted to be in his shadowhunter's arms, nothing more. They finished their breakfast in silence, stealing kisses in between or more like Alec showering his warlock with kisses and making up for his absence.

After breakfast, they cleaned the whole apartment together, then they both enjoyed a calming bubble bath, with Alec carefully cleaning and massaging the warlock, making him a jelly under his touch. After they were done, they changed into comfortable clothing and Alec carried his husband into bed bridal style, laying him gently on it. Then he took his Tab and sat on the bed on his side, doing his work from it. Magnus laid his head on his husband's lap and nuzzled into him, enjoying the soft touch of the shadowhunter's fingers through his wet hair and on his scalp. Not long after, he fell asleep on his lap.

Alec looked down at the warlock who was sleeping peacefully on his lap, his mind wandering to the possibilities of what he had gone through in his absence. He cursed himself for not being there for him, then leaned down and kissed him on top of his head, and went back to work.

______________________________

Magnus woke up to a delicious smell of food invading his senses. He blinked away his sleep and sat on the bed. That's when he realized that there was a large tray of food kept on the bed and his husband was nowhere to be seen. "Alexander?" He called softly.

"Coming!" He heard his voice, then soon Alec entered the room with a tray that had a large bowl in it. Magnus looked at him with confusion. "Chicken soup, for you."

Magnus looked at him then at the tray kept on the bed which had whole-wheat pita stuffed with diced chicken, black bean spread, spinach, and red peppers with minted brown rice. His heart melted to the highest degree. "Alexander, you don't have to do all this, I could have summoned-"

"Shut up and enjoy the food. You know I'm not gonna make all this again, right?"

Magnus looked at him with puppy eyes and pouted, he knew really well he gets the special treatment from his shadowhunter rarely and he always enjoyed it. Mostly they either ordered takeouts, summoned food, or Magnus was the one to make lunch and dinner.

Alec kissed his pouting husband, then kept the tray on the bed and started serving them both. Magnus crawled towards him and sat on his lap, literally. Alec sighed and shook his head.

"Feed me?" Magnus asked, or more precisely stated.

"Really Mags!"

"Pretty please." He looked at him with puppy eyes.

"You're impossible, love." He shook his head and kissed the tip of his nose.

They ate their lunch in comfortable silence with Alec feeding the grown-up child sitting on his lap. He wondered if he would ever be able to see this side of Magnus ever again. It was cute and annoying at the same time. They had eaten half of their lunch when Magnus's phone buzzed loudly, interrupting their cute moment.

"Ignore that!" Alec said sternly.

"That could be important, Alexander." He replied, chewing the mouthful of minted rice his husband fed him.

Just when Alec was about to reply, the phone buzzed again.

"Let me check it." He said as he stood up from his lap and went to the side table situated near his side of the bed on which his phone was kept. Just when he was about to pick up his phone, it buzzed again. He sighed then checked the messages, it was from an unknown number.

> Hey, love. Long time no see.

>I want to meet you, Magnus. I know you miss me.

>Meet me at the same club in Germany, I'm waiting for you.

Magnus gulped, his blood boiled reading the messages. 'How dare she!' he thought to himself.

"Magnus? What's wrong?"

"Nothing, it's a client, just a minute." He quickly typed back a reply.

To hell with you, Camille Belcourt. I don't care how you got my number. I'm not interested in meeting you, find yourself a new source for enjoyment, or rot in hell. I don't give a damn.<

>Oh, Magnus. I thought you enjoyed our last meeting. Too bad, I still want to meet you.

Go to hell, Camille. I'm not coming. Oh, sorry I forgot, you are the definition of hell.<

>You will, my love. Be here in ten minutes, or I'll feed on every mundane present in this bar and then convert them into a vampire.

You wouldn't.<

> You know me, Magnus. You know I will. Nine minutes remaining.

Magnus gulped, he knew if he wouldn't be there, she would feed on innocent mundanes, and there would be plenty of mundanes there. That bar was just like his Pandemonium, open for everyone. He waved his hands and quickly dressed.

"Magnus, what the hell? You're not going anywhere. Come back here right now." Alec stated when he saw him dressed up and ready to leave.

"Alexander, I'm sorry, but this is important. I need to be there."

"Magnus -"

"Alexander, I promise, I'll be fine, okay. I'll be back soon."

Alec sighed but nodded. Magnus quickly opened the portal and stepped into it.

__________________________________

Magnus stepped out of the portal in front of the bar. He quickly walked inside and scanned the bar. To his relief everyone was safe.

"Oh, my love. Always so protective and caring. Easy to lure to out, isn't it?" She came from behind and traced her fingers on his back and shoulders.

Magnus screwed his eyes shut and gritted his teeth. "What do you want?" He asked coldly.

"Isn't that obvious, Magnus? I want you. I want us to be together again." She turned him towards herself and traced her pointed nails on his face.

Magnus shoved her hands away and looked at her with disgust. "It's never happening."

"You think that mortal will be able to keep you happy, huh? The moment he'll die, you'll come back running to me, like always. I'm your only true love, Magnus. I'll make you happy."

"Never. Happening." He spat.

That offended her, but she didn't let it show. Instead, she looked at him directly in the eyes. The pupils of her eyes became larger and wider, nearly touching the base of the iris, and the color became darker. "You know you want me, Magnus. You love me and only me. You want to explore every part of my body. Touch me everywhere. Touch me, Magnus. Kiss me."

"I... I want you." His lips moved automatically. His hands snaked around her waist against his will and held her tightly. He didn't want to do any of it, but his body wasn't listening to him.

She smiled maliciously between the kisses. Her hands rubbed against his chest, slowly undoing his jacket and opening his shirt's button.

Magnus felt disgusted. It felt really wrong but he was not in control of his body. They were working on their own accord. He wasn't able to stop himself and whatever was happening was getting more heated. He felt tears forming in the back of his eyes. Then something rang in his brain. 'I love you Magnus Lightwood Bane.' the voice, his shadowhunter's voice. 'I am and will always be your loving husband.' This time he was able to focus on his powers, he centered it on his hands and sent a huge shockwave in her body.

As soon as Camille felt the shockwave, she jumped and removed herself from his grasp, having a look of pure vengeance on her face.

"The hell, Camille Belcourt!? You encanto'd me. How low could you go?" His voice was dripping with hatred.

"How were you able to break it? You-"

Before she could complete it, Magnus put a freezing spell on her and ran out of the bar. He quickly opened the portal and ran into it before the spell wore off and Camille followed him.

_________________________________

The portal opened up in his bedroom, and he ran out of it. He almost stumbled and was about to fall when a strong pair of arms caught him.

"Magnus! Are you okay? What happened?" Alec looked at his husband with wide eyes. His jacket was almost falling off, a few of the shirt's buttons were undone, his hair was slightly messy and he had tears in his eyes.

"Mags? What happened?"

Before Magnus could answer, they heard a low whistling of windows from their living room.

"What was that?"

"Probably the wind. You didn't answer? What happened? Are you alright?" He quickly changed the subject. From the corner of his eyes, he saw an emerald blue blur vanishing into the clouds and sighed with relief.

"A.. I.." He looked everywhere but his husband. This was too much for him to keep to himself. He cursed himself for falling for her trap.

Alec cupped his cheeks and rubbed his thumbs gently below his eyes. "Mags." He said softly.

"A.. I.. Alexander, it.. it was Camille."

Alec's eyes widened at that. "What? Magnus why-"

"Th... the client, she was encanto'd. Camille was there already when I reached there. She.. she encanto'd me too, and.. and... I.. I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" He couldn't keep it inside anymore, he fell in his shadowhunter's arms and started crying uncontrollably.

Alec took in his husband's state and the realization hit him. He seethed with anger and swore to himself that she'd pay for her doings.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Alexander. Fo... forgive me. I.. I'm sorry." He managed to say between the sobs.

Alec held him tightly in his arms. "Shh, shh, it's okay, love, it's okay. You have nothing to apologize for. You didn't do anything. I'm not even mad at you. Don't say sorry for something you couldn't control. You said yourself she encanto'd you. Don't blame yourself, love." He kept holding him until his tears dried down, then left feather-soft kisses on his eyelids.

When Magnus fluttered his bloodshot eyes open and looked at his husband, he saw only pure love in his eyes. 'What have I done to deserve you? How am I ever gonna tell you the truth?' he thought to himself.

"You're not mad at me? If I'd never left, this could have been avoided. You told me to stay but I..." He trailed off and sniffed.

"Magnus, I'm not mad and don't think like that, okay? You didn't know. Let's not discuss this anymore. Hmm?"

"Okay." He whispered softly.

For the rest of the day, Magnus spent clinging to his shadowhunter for dear life. He was far too gone to pretend to be strong and resilient. They ordered takeout for dinner, this time Magnus didn't need to ask to be fed, Alec did it himself. He then carried his warlock to the bedroom in bridal style and changed him into his burgundy silk robe, then put him on the bed and wrapped himself around his warlock.

"Why do you love me so much, Alexander?" He whispered to himself, but to his dismay, his husband heard him.

"What kind of question is that, love?"

"What? I.. you.. heard it?"

"Hey." He rubbed his nose gently against his neck then kissed him softly at the nape of his neck. "Yes, I heard it. And to answer your question, I love you so much because you're wise, you're generous, you're brave, you're incredible, there's always a spark in you which lights up everything around you, you always manage to take my breath away, you always manage to make my heart beat faster, you always manage to make me love myself when I'm at my weakest, you always care for others like your own, you have the purest heart. You're the best thing that happened to me, Magnus Lightwood Bane. I can list a thousand more things if you want." He left feather-light kisses on his shoulder with each thing he said then finally he kissed him on top of his head.

A soft smile played on Magnus' lips listening to his husband's words. "I'm speechless, Alexander. Thank you."

"Sleep now, love. You need it. I love you."

"Love you too."

With that they drifted off to sleep, Alec's arms protectively wrapped around his husband, holding him in a tight yet gentle embrace.

#asaab #angst with a happy ending #angst #fanfic authors #alec lightwood #fanfiction #lightwood bane family #malec forever #malec fic #fantasy #fanfic #happily married #magnus bane #malec

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brokenjardaantech · 3 years ago

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absorbance of the deep (chapter 5: rest)

written for a mermay prompts challenge. my prompt is ‘monochromatic.’

previous chapter can be found here.

also on ao3

----

No matter how much Simon wanted to avoid it, he had to return to the lighthouse in the end. Before he left the cave, Markus made him promise two times that he would call for the sea whenever trouble arose, and both times he solemnly swore that he would rely on him for support in case things went down, that he would cry for help, that he wouldn’t pretend that he could solve it on his own, because truthfully, he knew the attack changed everything; his parents could no longer ignore the fact that the only thing standing between him and his death was three teenagers of his age, nor could they pretend that Daniel didn’t even want to stay in their village anymore, and thinking about it, what did he do at school apart from reading on his own anyway? He hadn’t passed any exams since eight or nine, all his promotions were due to the lack of funding of their village and, therefore, the reluctance to waste money on a student for more years than strictly necessary. Of course they didn’t tell him about it in his face; he learnt it a few years back when a disgruntled Daniel complained about how his twin could advance a grade despite not putting any effort into studying at all and threatened to complain to the authorities - whoever they were - until the school or their parents gave him a reasonable explanation that promoting Simon was the cheapest and fastest way to get rid of him. They thought that because he didn’t speak, he certainly couldn’t understand what they were saying either.

Well, it did take him a few months to decide his feelings on the issue and a lot of effort to focus on the entire conversation instead of being distracted by other thoughts halfway through, but that didn’t make it hurt less. It still hurts from time to time when he thinks about it, but the civilisation on the surface is gone, he has Markus to distract him, so he tends not to be very bothered even though he never had been in the first place.

He rode the waves until they placed him gently on the pier connected to the lighthouse, and he thanked them one last time before taking a deep breath and forcing himself to walk along the pier until he was standing in front of the backdoor. He pressed his ear against the wood carefully so that it didn’t make it creak to listen for any sign of struggle and chaos, but all seemed quiet. He could neither hear a single movement nor feel the slightest vibrations apart from the gentle thud, thud, thud of the structure being lapped by the tide, though it could be his bias towards the ocean that made it less terrifying than it probably was in reality. But still, for safety, he climbed up the improvised ladder Daniel built to enter the house through his bedroom instead of through the backdoor, holding onto one of the ledges with one hand while trying to slide the window open.

He should’ve known that his clumsiness would one day cost him.

His heart nearly burst out of his chest as his hand slipped on the glass and he lost his balance. The momentum of his upper body sent him reeling, his other hand let go of the plank, and without at least three points of contact, he started to fall, his limbs flailing but not touching anything solid as his brain processed what was happening, his mind bracing for the inevitable impact and maybe his early demise -

Just to be cushioned by something soft and bouncy.

He was slowly lowered onto the pier until he was lying on the cool wood. Pushing himself to a sitting position, he turned around and saw Markus hanging on the edge of the pier with his arms outstretched and his head peeking out with a chastising look on his face. Go through the door.

It won’t be wise, was Simon’s explanation. Going to my room is safer.

Fine.

A tendril of water rises from the sea and extends up to the window of the twins’ room, nudging it open until a gap just big enough for Simon to climb through before sliding back down again and disappearing completely. Go on, Markus said in his mind. I won’t go until you’re safely inside.

Simon picked himself up once more and climbed the wall more carefully this time, feeling Markus’ gaze on his back all the way up until he silently rolled into his bedroom - one of the advantages of having his bed next to the windows - and he knelt on the mattress with his arms on the windowsill just to stare at Markus for a long while, memorising the way the rising sun painted the ocean a rippling gold and creating a halo around his head. He looked absolutely stunning.

Just like the entire ocean he should be.

The thought came unprompted and without any explanation, but somehow, in his entire memory, it made sense. It didn’t surprise him that Markus and the sea were the same. It didn’t surprise him that Markus let him know. It didn’t surprise him that Markus brought him the courage to look at the overwhelming brightness of the ocean just to take one more look at him before he disappeared under the pier and proceeded to go back to wherever he lived - if he had a corporal form at all. But it wasn’t a time for poetic musings and pining; he kept his window open for the morning breeze, but as soon as he turned around to face the empty bed on the other side of the room, reality crashed down onto him harder than any tsunami, and he nearly fell off his bed from his attempt to scramble off the bed in search for his twin. Daniel? he asked in his mind before remembering that telepathy was limited to between him and Markus. Creeping out to the corridor, he first checked on his parents’ room and discovered that his mother was sleeping, then he stuck close to a wall as he padded down the stairs to take a peek at the situation in the living room, finding out that his brother was waking up on the sofa. He didn’t look pleased to see Simon.

‘Should I even ask?’ Daniel grumbled as he ran his hand through his hair.

Simon wished he had his dictionary with him right now because then he would be able to tell his twin to clarify, but since rushing upstairs to grab it seemed like a bad idea, all he did was to shut up and listen.

‘Well, it worked,’ the twin walked straight to the kitchen and started preparing his breakfast by banging the cupboard doors and slamming eating utensils onto the counter, the sharp noise assaulting Simon’s ears and forcing him to protect them by covering them with his hands. ‘I’m officially out of this place.’

Simon followed his gaze towards the suitcase by the door, a soft, worn-out thing that looked like it was on the verge of bursting. So that was why Daniel’s bed and the space around it looked so empty when Simon climbed in a few minutes ago - he had probably shoved everything into the suitcase.

‘Don’t worry, I think the other guys are out too,’ the fridge door slammed shut. Every single movement from his twin was forceful, harsh, as if he wanted to unleash his wrath on anything and everything, and even though Simon knew Daniel would never hurt him, his brain told him to stay on guard, to run as soon as he could. Or it was Markus keeping track of everything and silently nudging him towards the direction. ‘They won’t hurt you anymore.’

That didn’t quite match what Josh had said the day before, but Simon wasn’t in the mood to confirm right now; he managed to rush upstairs before the first scrape of metal spoon against teeth as Daniel shoved the first of many mouthfuls of cereal into his mouth to fetch his dictionary, already flipping through the pages as he ran down to perch on the sofa so that it was close enough to let his brother read the word he was pointing at but not hurt him, and he asked, [where - are - you - going]

‘Away from here.’

[where - exactly]

‘Does it matter?’ Daniel exploded, and Simon wished he had grabbed his headphones as well. ‘Not that you care, right? All you ever do is reading your damned books and disappearing into the fucking sea for hours and making us worry. They don’t even want you in the system!’

A particularly hard wave of the hand he was holding the cereal bowl with sent a mixture of milk and soggy cornflakes onto the ground. With a particularly loud curse, he threw the bowl - cereal and all - onto the floor, the ceramic shattering into a few large jagged pieces that Simon knew could be used against him with the loudest clank that echoed in the room. The sound triggered every single alarm in his system, snapped the last thread that held his self-control, and then he stopped caring, he stopped being the supportive twin brother he always wanted to be but couldn’t, he stopped thinking about everything apart from the simple thought that he had to run. He was aware of the sofa, then the suitcase, then the door, and he was out in the sun, his feet were pounding against heating asphalt, the usual soft ocean breeze had turned into blades cutting into his cheeks from how fast he was running, but he couldn’t stop, he couldn’t look back, not with Daniel doing that to him and leaving, leaving, leaving and he was angry and so was probably his mother and his father who wasn’t even in the house but it was a small village and there wasn’t a lot of place for a lighthouse keeping to go at the crack of dawn so WHERE CAN HE BE? His vision became blurry, his ears were filled with nothing but the high-pitched whistling of the wind, and one moment of hesitation was enough for him to trip on completely flat ground and land painfully on hard ground paved with pieces of sett, but despite the pain, despite the wounds he couldn’t feel, despite his throat constricting and his legs burning, he picked himself up, moved forward; walked when he couldn’t run, put one foot in front of another when he could barely walk, collapsed onto his feet and crawled when he couldn’t support himself - anything to get away from his brother who betrayed him and his mother who didn’t care about him once he stopped being a baby and his father whom he didn’t even know the location of.

He didn’t have any reason to stay, he realised, but neither did he have anywhere else to go.

Somehow no one stopped him before the texture underneath his hand turned from pavement to wet grass, and he used the last of his strength to drag himself to a shaded spot under a tree so that his senses didn’t get overwhelmed again from the sunlight. Without direct light, the morning dew was even more prevalent and soaked through his shirt quickly, but even that was better compared to the heat he had absorbed from the sun or generated from running from one side of the village to another. He had no water, no food, nothing to help himself recover apart from time, time which he didn’t have because his entire body was hurting so much that he might as well be dying, and even though the logical, life-loving side of him knew that dying here wouldn’t solve anything, he wouldn’t mind if he just closed his eyes here and never wake up, because if he did, his parents would probably send him off to the deep ocean on a boat in his favourite clothing and possession - the latter which probably consisted of nothing more than his noise-cancelling headphones and his trusty backpack that was too small on him but he refused to replace - then he would be able to be with Markus forever because he no longer had to return to the bright surface world where there was no Markus -

Cut that thought, Markus’ voice wasn’t loud but neither was it gentle like before. I’ll ask someone to tend to you. Wait there.

Markus had never been that harsh (firm, the reasonable side of his mind reminded him, but it wasn’t that he had the capacity to be reasonable and level-headed right now) with him before. Simon knew the words were out of genuine care, so why was his vision turning blurry and the sockets of his eyes heating up? I want you to be here.

I know, but you were just attacked yesterday and people wouldn’t be kind when they see another stranger with you.

They didn’t see you yesterday?

I made sure I stayed hidden.

That didn’t help Simon’s argument. But I don’t want anyone else.

I’ll be there as soon as I can.

But I want you here now, Simon knew he didn’t have an excuse anymore and was throwing a tantrum, but he just couldn’t seem to stop, couldn’t seem to stop hurting. I can come to you.

No. Stay where you are. You are under no condition to move.

The last sentence sparked his defiance, the sudden pounding in his heart giving him just enough strength to put some of his weight into his arms and push his upper body up by a few centimetres before they suddenly gave out and the back of his head hit the grass once more with a soft thud. His fingers on the grass tightened, the force enough to tear a few poor strands of vegetation out of the soil, and he curled into a ball with frustrated tears rolling down his face. He was tired. He didn’t know how long he lay there sobbing and crying until he exhausted the last bit of his strength and he could only melt into the hard ground, feeling the soil soften underneath his body and release even more moisture and wetting his clothes to an uncomfortable level.

He just wanted Markus.

It was hours later when the sun was high up in the sky that he heard footsteps approaching, and he had to cover his ears once more because he had been with nothing but his own breaths for so long that anything more than that set him on edge. He did risk a peek at the person and realised that it was Josh, who knelt down next to him and blocked most of his vision with his body. ‘Markus told me you’re here,’ he explained, the volume of his muffled voice just right. ‘I’ll take you back to my place. Then we’ll see what we can do, okay?’

Anywhere that was neither the lighthouse nor here sounded good enough to Simon right now, so he nodded and attempted to pick himself up once more, managing to sit up but not stand on his feet because the burn in his muscles was too much to bear. Josh offered his hand for him to grab as support, but when Simon reached out to grab it, his friend surprised him by taking his wrist and pulling him up almost painfully in a way that reminded him of North. When he swayed, Josh didn’t even ask before taking one of Simon’s arms and draping it on his shoulders and then dragging him towards the car he didn’t even realise was there. How did he miss an entire car engine?

Josh helped him fasten his seatbelt before going to the other side of the car to climb in. North was, once more, their designated driver, and their gazes only met once in the rearview mirror before Simon averted his eyes and she made the car go. How Markus contacted them or how they managed to arrive in such a short time, Simon had no idea, but all he knew as the air-conditioning started drying his sweat and his wounds from tripping and falling started to sting. North might as well have run him over with her car and he probably wouldn’t know the difference.

The drive to Josh’s house was short, a fact that Simon was grateful for because of how much his wounds were suddenly hurting. When they arrived, he let Josh lead him into the house, sat down on the too-soft sofa when he instructed him to, mentally prepared himself for the sting of Rivanol after Josh warned him about how he was going to treat his wounds, and all the warning he got was North holding him in place before a cotton ball soaked in yellow fluid was swapped against the scrapes on his arms.

If his voice worked, he would’ve screamed.

But it didn’t, and all he could do was sit there trying not to pull his muscles all over again by hissing and breathing through the gaps of his clenched teeth as one of his best friends hold him down and the other quickly sanitised all open wounds on his body by lighting fires on top of it. His muscles flexed and spasmed, beads of sweat broke out on his already soaked body, and there was nothing he could do when Josh accidentally dragged the material of the dressing against one of the scrape wounds on his arm against broken skin, tugging layers of tissue towards a direction it shouldn’t go. Suddenly he was back on the street again, his legs paralysed and too weak to support himself, he could taste the salt of his own sweat, he could swear the sunlight was going to burn him, his skin was boiling, sweat and blood and other fluids were leaking out of his body, he needed to get out and run and run until he was one with the ocean and maybe then he could be -

‘Look, Simon.’

North’s voice, one that she usually reserved for situations where they had to abandon everything and run, cut through his mind, and so he looked, he heard the sound of running water, and it didn’t take long for him to notice the clear stream of running water moving across the floor towards where they all were and crawling up the sofa in a defiance against gravity, the second time that he saw Markus in such state. This time, the sea showed up and solidified next to him and immediately pulled Simon against his side, the weight of his arm across his shoulders and the warmth his body radiated equally comforting. Markus said something but he didn’t catch it, but it was also fine because Markus’ hand on his face helped numb his senses, and the next thing he knew was Josh pulling away and setting the first-aid kit to one side. ‘Go take a shower,’ North said before taking the kit away. ‘I’m sure Josh can lend you something.’

‘The dressings are waterproof,’ Josh explained. It got harder to hear his voice when he walked to the other side of the living room, but somehow Simon managed to catch everything instead of drifting away. ‘Just make sure that the adhesive doesn’t fully peel back and the wounds should be protected well. I’ll get you some clothes; do you want long sleeves or short sleeves?’

Just as Simon wondered how he could request for a dictionary, a small one was gently placed on his lap, and unfamiliarity meant that it took him longer than usual to find the word he needed. [short]

‘I’ll put them in the bathroom. Hope you don’t mind they’re a bit big.’

Simon looked at the clothes he was wearing. His shirt used to belong to his father who was both stronger and broader than Simon himself would ever be, his mother had to add an elastic around the waistband of his trousers so that it could stay on without a belt because he was too clumsy to use one, and he constantly had to wear two pairs of socks so that his shoes fit and the hard material didn’t scrape his skin. [use - to - it]

He wasn’t sure if all the flipping and scanning even paid off because his friend was already moving on to his next task, and the thought that he was once more left alone simply for being slower to communicate his thoughts - not letting that chain of thought continue. Seeing nowhere to return the dictionary to, he placed it on top of one of the many piles of books on the coffee table and hoped that Josh didn’t mind in case he screwed up the arrangement, but from the layer of dust on the once-topmost book, its owner probably hadn’t touched it in quite a while, so Josh probably wouldn't care that much - if he remembered the pile existed at all.

Come on, Simon, let’s get to the bathroom to clean you up.

The stairs in Josh’s house were hard to climb because of the big steps. With every single movement came a sharp wave of pain from the dressing brushing against his scrapes, and by the time he reached the upper floor, it felt like he had been running all over again, his body aching in places he never knew could hurt or exhaust and making him even more drained than before. Markus’ presence behind him probably saved him from falling backwards and hitting his head against the corner of a step multiple times, but it didn’t prevent his legs from seizing up from a cramp, didn’t help him prepare for the slight moment of panic he felt before he met the floor painfully, didn’t remind him to breathe as the air was knocked out of his lungs. The floor was hard but cool and smooth. He might lie there for a moment so that he can rest -

He was rolled over before an arm slid underneath his back and another his knees, and suddenly he was in the air, a bounce and suddenly his head rolled uncontrollably against Markus’ chest, and in Simon’s head was the sea’s voice, Let me help you. It’s been a restless two days.

Simon realised that any other person would’ve been at least somewhat embarrassed had the circumstances been the same, but as Markus carried him to the bathroom, as he was gently placed on the countertop between the sink and the pile of clothes Josh no doubt prepared, as he watched Markus fumble with the taps next to the bathtub, he felt oddly numb apart from the usual anticipation and sense of safety the sea brought to him. Like he was underwater riding the waves while being half-asleep and his entire vision was tinted a deep, deep blue. He heard neither the sound of water hitting the smooth surface of the bathtub nor the telltale murmur of running water, but when Markus filled his line of sight with his body by standing so, so close again, Simon looked up and saw that the tub was nearly full.

I hope the temperature is appropriate, the sea said. Do you want me to stay or leave? I know people on the surface tend to bathe alone.

You may stay, Simon replied. I don’t mind. It’s up to you.

His hands reached for the hem of his shirt so that he could take it off - one of the rare complex actions he could do on his own after years of practice and embarrassment - but one thing he failed to account for was that he had run across town not a few hours ago and had tripped countless times before lying for hours on melting soil, and the smell of his own sweat, the stickiness of the mud sticking onto his clothes and parts of his body, the bruises and muscle cramps making themselves known when he tried to raise his arms - his mouth fell open in a silent scream while his body stayed frozen despite his pounding heart and his racing breaths. He couldn’t finish the motion.

He was stuck.

His shirt was tugged away by a pair of hands that didn’t belong to him, returning both his vision and mobility, and he held his breath as Markus casually dropped his shirt onto the floor with his green eyes fixated on somewhere below his face as if he was taking in every bruise, every small scar he left on himself when he picked on the thin, tiny hair that was the only thing his body seemed to be able to grow, every single cell that made him who he was. Slowly, Markus reached for him, touched him first with the pads of his fingers, then with his entire hand, then sliding said hand across his body, slowing down on dressing-covered flesh, smoothing down his arm, then holding Simon’s slender wrist, his bony hand, and he couldn’t help but notice how dark Markus’ skin was compared to his own, how strong and shapely his hand was, how he could feel the sheer power humming underneath Markus’ skin as if asking for permission to… enter him.

And the thought that he wouldn’t mind was equally terrifying and exciting.

What do you want to do? Simon asked. Had they been alone, he would’ve let Markus have his way, but unfortunately they were still in Josh’s house at the moment.

I can heal your wounds in a blink of an eye, Markus made it sound like something normal that he did on a daily basis, but I’ll need your permission. It might feel strange for you.

Being pain-free did sound nice, but Simon dared not think of how his friends would react if they realised his wounds were gone. They had enough speculations and suspicion about Markus that neither of them was in the position to answer, and to think that on top of turning into a gravity-defying puddle and controlling the ocean, he could heal whatever aches and pains Simon had in his body… the questions would be endless. Not this time. Josh and North will notice and they’ll ask questions.

Doesn’t mean that we need to answer them.

I don’t even want to hear them.

Fair enough. May I help you undress, then?

Simon gave Markus a nod, and the sea knelt to take off his socks before beckoning him to slide down the counter so that he could remove his torn trousers next. What Simon didn’t expect, however, was his underwear being removed at the same time, and in one smooth motion he was completely bare, but instead of feeling exposed like when he was with… anyone else, for that matter, he felt… relieved. As if the final barrier he constructed between the ocean and himself finally crumbled and collapsed, all with a pull of fabric. He found Markus staring again, except this time Simon was the one overlooking and Markus the one below him, and it was neither awkward nor unnatural even though his experience had been the opposite, the sea as destined to look after him as he was destined to be drawn to the depths of the ocean. The idea of letting the sea take him came unprompted, and Markus stood up in a sudden, abrupt movement that startled Simon. Evidently their bond ran deeper and less controllable than he had thought. More unexpectedly, the sea took his cheeks and yanked him in for a kiss rougher than any one they had shared up to that point, one of Markus’ thumbs pressing down on his chin in a wordless command to open his mouth which he complied, welcoming the sea’s mouth to devour his own, submitting to the ocean’s manipulation when strong fingers angle his head to gain better access to his lips, his tongue. A heat so foreign to him that it quickly became terrifying pooled in his guts, and as if sensing Simon’s discomfort and fear, Markus finally pulled away but stayed close enough to press their foreheads together, their breaths mingling and their hearts roaring in sync. Then they kissed again, this time no more than a light peck of their lips - an apology from Markus.

I lost control, he said. I should’ve slowed down. I’m sorry.

You did, answered Simon, and even he himself wasn’t sure if it was referring to the first or second statement. I… liked it.

I scared you.

I scared myself.

Markus sighed and took both of Simon’s hands in his. Let’s get into the bath.

He obeyed the request and stepped into the warm water with a hand on the edge of the tub and the other holding onto Markus’ wrist, his subsequent exhale draining the remaining strength out of him, and his back hit the slanted side of the tub with a dull thud and a splash of water. His arms drifted beneath the surface in an odd show of buoyancy, his legs started floating upwards if he didn’t use some of his strength to ground himself - which he eventually got over by spreading his legs and sticking them against the sides of the tub - and he discovered soon enough that he couldn’t stop moving because everything felt so strange when the water wasn’t flowing.

He was used to the vastness of the ocean. He was used to the waves either carrying him to his home or gently cradling him as he floated on the surface with Markus as they both gazed at the stars. He was not used to still water and the noises he made echoing in the confined space of a bathroom.

Close your eyes, Markus distracted him with a kiss on his cheek. Imagine yourself sitting in the tide under the sun with my protection. I’ll wash you if you allow me to.

Simon did as he said. Please.

He let his mind drift as he relaxed into the bath while Markus… did his thing. He was aware of a soft sponge being carefully pushed between his fingers, then along his body, then his toes, the smoothness that followed indicating that Markus was using some sort of soap that somehow managed to not irritate Simon’s fragile skin. It was more solid and stern than Simon would’ve treated himself, but because it was Markus, he was relaxing nonetheless, and somehow he found himself leaning into the ocean’s touch as Markus washed his hair and kneaded his scalp with just enough pressure to make it therapeutic instead of painful.

We should do this more often, Markus said as he washed away the bubbles in Simon’s hair. As the water automatically avoided his eyes, Simon risked opening them and discovered that the water in the tub was still as clear as when it was first prepared. It is… more relaxing than I expected.

You’re doing most of the work.

Indeed I am.

This isn’t cumbersome?

Not when it’s you I’m serving. Come on, we’re finished here.

This was the first time Simon emerged from a bath completely dry immediately, saving him the trouble of dragging a towel across his skin and making himself all sweaty and annoyed, and it didn’t take long for him to get dressed despite the dull throbbing of his muscles and wounds thanks to Markus’ help, but he insisted to walk down the stairs himself even though he had to keep a vice-like grip on the sea’s arm because of course a staircase narrow as this didn’t have any railings. He made a beeline to the sofa and sank into its corner right before his legs gave out, and Markus joined him immediately afterwards and placed his arms around his shoulders. Drifting together at last, as things should be. Distantly, he heard Markus talking to someone with his physical voice, but it was all muffled and illegible to his exhausted mind, and it wasn’t until the ocean’s voice echoed in his mind that he woke up from the light doze he had fallen into.

I presume that you heard nothing.

And you are correct.

The arm around his shoulders tightened as Markus buried his nose into Simon’s hair. Are you up to going back to school?

Why?

They want your input in deciding your future education.

Simon was confused. They never listened to me before.

He could hear a smirk in Markus’ voice. They will now. Don’t worry, I’ll always be on your side.

#simarkus #dbh markus #dbh simon #dbh north #dbh josh #dbh #detroit become human #detroit: become human

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kacychase · 5 years ago

Text

As I quickly scramble through my backpack, I ask myself what the heck I'm doing. Going out with Min-Hyuk for a pikamon-chase? With their app? In real-life?

AT NIGHT?

This must be a joke.

"Yo, Shin-Ae, you ready?"

Even though I'm doubting this, I immediately act confident: "You bet boi!" With hearing these words, he grins at me. "Alright. We'll destroy the others' arenas and get dem Wizardcarps to finally get the 350 tokens for you!"

All of a sudden, I feel energetic. With the summer nights, I finally got myself more time after having dealt with this year of high school.

"My Giantboss will be better than yours." "Tch, sure it will", Min-Hyuk winks at me. Getting cocky, huh?? "Oh, just you watch."

And he did, after I had caught my last pikamon necessary in an alleyway.

"YO BOI", I exclaim, "I GOT IT!" Honestly, I wouldn't have thought that I would be that much into the game once we have started the nightly raid. We should definitely do this more often. “Girl, this better be better than my pika right there!”, Min-Hyuk shouts in excitement, well aware that this will be a big change for all the pikamons I gathered. Sometimes, I really appreciate how supportive he is, and I see it then and there again. “Let’s do this”, I mutter absently, completely absorbed with evolving my Wizardcarp. And as I finally send out my last, and click on the evolve button, I suddenly see a message pop up.

And as I see the name of the sender, my stomach drops. “Min-Hyuk?” Suddenly, my happiness about that new pikamon in my deck is not as overwhelming as I have thought just seconds ago. Looking up at Min-Hyuk, I already see his worrying gaze fixated on me. “Do you want to?” I just stare back. To be honest, I’m just overwhelmed with this situation.

The breath I let out is shaky too.

Yeong-Gi/Nol: Can we meet up soon?

For a minute, I just look back, trying to calm down. It’s been a while since we even talked or chatted at all. After he said that he would want to avoid me, I was left betrayed. Luckily, Min-Hyuk came over for a visit then. This dude saved my ass several times now. Hearing Min-Hyuk’s understanding words - that it’s fine if not, that he can come with, that he’s always going to be there if I’d need anyone - I just type a response.

Shin-Ae: Where?

As he responds, my heart sinks. Somehow, the vibe I just received from his messages makes my throat close up. “Lemme get you there. It’s dark and I don’t want you to be alone.”

I just let out a quick thanks before hugging the best friend I could have. Then, we both get going to WacDonald’s.

Throughout the journey, Min-Hyuk has put an arm around me and casually plays pikamon jog as if there was nothing to face for me. Of course, I get it - he doesn’t want to butt in or bother me too much, and it kind of calms me that he doesn’t make it too big of a deal. “Don’t expect that I won’t smack this guy’s ass for hurting you though. I mean, he kinda was your crush.” “Say that again and I will whoop yours”, I quickly growl, but I know that he has a point. “That dude was hurting you girl. Like, I respect your decision but honestly, that dude’s a jerk for pulling that at least”, he quickly elaborates and I notice that he’s trying to really understand my point of view. I let out a sigh.

“I know. I’ll deal with it. I trust you to be around this time though!” “You can count on it”, he responds, reply as ready as a pistol shot.

“Alright.”

We go through the usual way to the fried chicken and burger joint I used to work at. Usually, I would think of my manager that really helped me figure out what to do during the hard time I had with working, school and my friends. But now, I can’t help but feel extremely nervous. “Should I stay with you when you talk?”

In the last few months, I have experienced what it’s like to be insecure and unsure. But I really, really hate that feeling still. “No. It’s fine, and I think we need to discuss things together.” “Alright. I’ll get ourselves stuff from Wac then.” “What the heck. This late?” “Absolutely. What do you want? On me!”, he chirps with a smile, already awaiting his meal. “... A Bigwac menue please. With chicken.” “‘kay. Text me if you guys are do-”

His gaze is stuck on something behind me. When I turn around, I realize that his brown eyes were stuck on someone instead. “Hey.”

Yeong-Gi seems to be just as overwhelmed as I am. “Hi”, I just reply and I hear Min-Hyuk saying confidently: “Alright, be right back. You better not hurt her again.” Seeing him throw a dark glance at the redhead, said redhead just looks at him apologetically. “See you.” he gives me a last look - one that makes me feel protected and loved - and goes away.

And leaves me alone with Yeong-Gi.

"What did you want to talk about?", I quickly cut to the chase. After what he has done to cut out our friendship, I don’t want to create further unpleasantries for either of us.

His hair is dishelved and his pants and white t-shirt look hastily put on. But his look shows me so much sternness, regret, and assuredness, as if he's been thinking long and hard about what he's about to do.

Man. I hate how my heartbeat betrays me in these moments. "I wanted to check if you're doing okay", Yeong-Gi replies equally serious, having my eyebrows furrow and my jaw drop slightly.

"Dude wtf? You said just two weeks ago that you don't wanna talk anymore. And now you come back, asking me if I'm okay?", I just retort. I just hope that I don't sound too hysterical but sometimes, reality teaches me not to dream.

But just as before, he just stares at me and takes a few steps towards me. “Yeah. I know I made myself clear-” All of a sudden, hurt flashes in his eyes. It’s short but I see it. All this time, I really have tried figuring this young man in front of me out but… He’s been making it really hard and knows how to avoid me constantly, even after I called him out.

This makes me feel more unusual with all that heartbeat going on, so I just reciprocate his stare into my eyes as he speaks. “But I just can’t seem to forget what we’ve been through together and… Ugh, whatever.” His unstable grin on his face, his closed eyes… He really doesn’t like talking about his feelings, does he? “Yeong-Gi?”, I quickly snap him back to reality as I step closer. “What’s up?” His eyes, this time more confused.

Why am I like this with him? “It’s just… I would feel bad not being around you, you know? I wanna make sure you’re alright after stuff that has happened.” His direct stare at me shows me honesty that leaves me shaking. I knew that I wouldn’t ever deserve him as a friend - let alone someone I’d care more about.

That aside, I’m not into relationships anyway.

“I-” As he takes a step close, I suddenly realize the closeness our bodies have, and I wish I could treat it with as much ease as I used to. But now, I just smell his amazing scent, see his stupid brick body and his damn beautiful face. And I’m angry at myself for being so affected by it.

“I wanted to tell you some things before I might be gone, too”, he just says with a smile that looks sad and regretful.

Wait. Leave? Did he want to get rid of me before leaving so that it won’t… hurt as much?

It would be something he’d do.

It would certainly be something I’d do.

“Like what?”

I remember that he rarely talked about his future. College, work, et cetera were really never things the two of us would discuss together. What other secrets is he keeping from me. His hesitant face tells tales. “Yeong-Gi. I know that you don’t like sharing. But don’t you think that after… well, everything that happened, you can’t tell me what’s troubling you? I know you didn’t like when I testified to you with Yu Jing-” And indeed, I find him furrowing his eyebrows for a millisecond. “But I… You know, I wanted to help you. And I can’t say I don’t care anymore”, I just tell him straight away, adding “so pull that crap again and I’ll whoop your butt!” That stuff gets him to snort and smirk a little. For some reason, it relieves me enough to know that this is the Yeong-Gi I know and I can at least sense that something is up.

“I know.” Raising an eyebrow, I patiently wait for him to continue, however not forgetting what he said two weeks ago. “I will go overseas for a place to study. I’m sorry I haven’t told you.” As he looks down at our feet, I just can’t help but think that there’s something el- “And I think”, he takes in a deep breath and to my shock, I see a reddish blush appear on his cheeks. “I-” For some reason, he looks away and I just say: “Come on, spit it out!”

Immediately picking up eye contact again, he says “Alright.” His hair is lighted halfway from the lamp post we’re standing next to, his eyes intense when he says: “I think I have feelings for you.”

And with that, my brain has stopped functioning and I now lower my gaze down to our shoes. Keep it together, Shin-Ae. Don’t think about how his feet could stomp yours twice. What a sasquatch. “So after all this time… I have even told you that you have a girlf-”, I start to ramble but he cuts me off, gaze ever so stern: “Alyssa and I broke up.”

Wam.

You know this feeling, when everything suddenly drops on you? Why didn’t he tell me all of this earlier, or in portions? Why can’t I trust him with things? And why do I still feel like this with him?? “Nol?” “Yeah?”

All of a sudden, I realize how upset I am - I’m shivering and everything inside me blazes with anger. “So what you’ve done two weeks ago, ignoring me, was just to come and tell me all of this?! Out of nowehere?!”, I say, not giving a crap about his reaction and his face looks equally responsive. “I really tried keeping my word ��okay?! I really just wanted to leave and not have you miss me!”, he suddenly replies, also raising his voice until he abruptly silences himself. “But I couldn’t, okay? I couldn’t. I wanted to see if you were okay.”

All of a sudden, my heart strings seem to be pulled and I want nothing more than to kiss this guy. What the heck is going on with me? Why am I this emotional right now? “Who do you do this for, Yeong-Gi? For me, or for you?”

As look closely, I realize that this time, I can see freckles on his face including one or the other scar. Why the heck is he so handsome? His facial features are partly lighted by that lamp post, and I see his gaze carefully calculating me as I step towards him, even closer. But he doesn’t step back. Looking closely, I even see him shiver slightly.

Is this that difficult for him?

A long pause is lying upon the two of us, but I start to get worried and try to step back. Suddenly, however, I feel a hand of his grabbing my arm. Man is he strong, and as I notice that, I can’t help but quickly scan his quite toned body. “Wait.” His distant murmur sounds more like a plea than anything, and I immediately freeze in place.

“I’m doing this for both of us.” With that, he closes the distance again, surprising me. Looking at each other, I feel his breath fanning on my face. Goodness, are we close, and my heart beats fast. “Both?” I look at his lips. They look incredibly soft… What it would be like to-

But I have no way to think about it much, since he tells me: “Maybe I just need this, Shin-Ae. Please tell me to stop if I should.” I should say something. Really should. But I don’t say anything, and as his lips meet mine, for a small peck first. As we meet again, the kiss is far sweeter than I would’ve thought. Wow.

Yeong-Gi is a pretty good kisser.

(Extra scene)

Nol POV:

As I walk home, I quickly call Soushi, my buddy in emergency situations. “And, how did the talk with Shin-Ae go?!”, his voice hastily becomes audible. “Pretty good… I… guess…”, I just murmur, not knowing what the heck to do with this kiss, especially since I’d leave soon. Why the heck did I do that?!

“Also… Did that kiss tutorial video help?”

“Shut up!”, I just reply, not believing that Soushi has actually given him that video.

But to be honest, it was pretty good advice.

#i love yoo #shin-ae yoo #shin-ae x yeong-gi #nol hirahara

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treya-barton · 5 years ago

Note

Souyo, #17: "to distract" ♥️

Happy Birthday Skye! I hope you enjoy this response to your ask as a little present ^^

If anyone would have told Yosuke that he was going to be a far better student in college than he had been in high school, he would have laughed at them. Up until his second year Yosuke had consistently slacked off on his assignments, not really giving much thought to his future beyond hanging out and working at Junes. It wasn’t until he met Yu that he began to give serious thought to what he wanted to do after graduation, and while those plans were honestly skewed by his desire to return to the city – return to his partner – it was at least better than before. Trying to get into good study habits after years of neglect had been difficult, especially third year when he no longer had Yu to help tutor him, but Yosuke had somehow managed to get his grades up and do well enough on the college entrance exams to get into a school only a few train stops away from his partner’s.

It allowed them to room together with both of them picking a small apartment on a stop right in the middle of both of their campuses, and at first things had been great. The partners were together again, school was new and exciting, they were free to do whatever they wanted and pursue their own interests, and they were fresh in a new stage in their relationship with one another after Yosuke confessed his feelings over New Years. And Yosuke was excelling in the college environment with classes that were more discussion based and for the most part more interesting and thus able to keep his attention.

Ironically, while everything seemed so much easier for Yosuke, the opposite could be said of his partner. Yu, who had managed to juggle classes, clubs, sports, part-time jobs, leading the IT, and random acts of kindness for those in the community, seemed far more stressed in college. He was taking more credit hours than Yosuke and was involved in a few clubs, but honestly his overall workload didn’t seem as bad as when he was in high school. Yu was in a stricter program than Yosuke since he was following a science tract, but Yu had always excelled in all of his classes so Yosuke couldn’t understand why he seemed so stressed while studying now. All week, Yu had been holed up in the library at his school, studying for some exams he wouldn’t be having until the following week, and it seemed every day he was looking more and more exhausted.

In fact… Yosuke pulled out his phone to text his partner as he left class which had let out 15 minutes early since they had breezed through the planned material. Yu predictably didn’t reply, which was becoming the norm those days. Yosuke didn’t have anymore classes that afternoon, and while he technically had club activities he could take part in he could also just as easily skip. Yosuke did have work that evening but it wouldn’t be for another few hours. He glanced at the time and after only a moment’s hesitation he sent a quick message to the group for his radio club, letting them know something came up and he wouldn’t be able to make it that day. The club had a pretty relaxed atmosphere and Yosuke had never missed a day yet so he figured they wouldn’t mind.

He then made his way to the train station, pulling his headphones out of his bag and plugging them into his phone so he could listen to music on his way to his partner’s campus. The ride wasn’t too bad – about 20 minutes – and since his job was near where they lived Yosuke would have plenty of time to make it home in time to drop off his stuff and get ready. Yosuke knew that Yu could take a break from studying, and he was bound and determined to pull him away for a bit that afternoon for a breather. Yu would try to be stubborn, but Yosuke was well versed in how to get his boyfriend to see reason.

Soon, Yosuke arrived at the station for Yu’s university, and he made his way to it at a brisk pace, cutting the usual 15-20 minute walk down to 10. Once he entered the library, he confidently headed up the stairs to the second floor, before turning off his music and sliding his headphones down to his neck. He quietly crept to the back section of the library, to the area including all of the different research journals available for reference where Yu always studied. The desks there were all meant for individual use – single desks that faced the wall so students wouldn’t be bothered – and this section was quieter since there were no group study tables and less people browsing the bookshelves. Sure enough, Yosuke soon spotted Yu’s familiar silver head of hair hunched over a desk as he scribbled down notes from the textbook he had open. His hair, which was usually smooth, was sticking up in the back from running his fingers through it as he concentrated.

Yosuke quietly crept behind Yu, while holding his breath so as to not give himself away. Yu usually had a good sense of his surroundings, and he would often effortlessly catch Yosuke sneaking up on him in the past. Lately, however, he had been so absorbed in his material that Yosuke had been able to surprise him more often than not. Today was looking to be no different. Once Yosuke was finally situated behind Yu, he glanced over his shoulder and grimaced once he realized it was chemistry. The one thing worse than math and science was when something was both at the same time.

Yosuke then made his move, swiftly pressing his lips against Yu’s cool cheek, grinning when he began to feel it warm beneath his lips as he wrapped his arms around Yu’s shoulder. He then pulled away to shoot Yu a devilish grin as his partner gave him a look that was fondly exasperated. “I thought you had club this afternoon,” he greeted before leaning back into Yosuke’s touch, tension easing from his posture in Yosuke’s embrace.

“’M playing hooky,” Yosuke replied, before placing a kiss on Yu’s other cheek. The normally unflappable young man was blushing furiously as his eyes darted around the empty research area.

“Yosuke,” he whispered, causing Yosuke to hum in response as he gently placed a kiss on Yu’s forehead. “We’re in a library!”

“So we are,” Yosuke replied, before tilting Yu’s head up so they could look each other in the eyes. Yu’s once tired gaze was now alert as he stared Yosuke down.

“We could be disturbing someone,” he steadfastly pointed out, while Yosuke made a big show of looking around the empty section they were in.

“I think they’ll be able to manage,” he replied before sweeping in for a kiss, using one hand to brace himself against Yu’s sturdy wooden chair while the other gripped the back of his head, causing further tangles. Yu didn’t seem to mind, for he was too busy dropping his pen so he could wrap his arms around Yosuke’s waist instead. Yosuke was giving him long, languid kisses, allowing Yu’s worries to melt away as he lost himself to his partner’s warmth, and soon they both completely forgot the fact they were making out in a library. At some point in the process, Yosuke sank down until he was straddling Yu’s lap, while his partner pulled him flush against his chest while pressing kisses along his jaw before moving his way down to his throat. Yosuke’s eyes had slid closed, and he was now focused on running his fingers through Yu’s silky locks as he lost himself to Yu’s exploratory kisses. Their moment was finally interrupted by the rattling sound of the cart the clerks used to put away book returns as it approached their section.

Yosuke broke out of his daze and quickly scrambled away, blushing as he adjusted the hood on his jacket to cover the hickey Yu had been forming on his neck. Yu, meanwhile, looked confused but satisfied as he watched Yosuke with a warm smile. Yosuke couldn’t help but chuckle at how cute his boyfriend looked, before he pressed another quick kiss to his forehead. “Now that I have your attention, how about we grab dinner before I have to go into work?” he asked.

Yu glanced at his chemistry book as the library clerk rolled her cart to the aisle adjacent to them as she began to put away a few scientific journals. Yosuke could tell he was conflicted now that his brain was finally waking up again. To his relief, however, it appeared Yu was in a more compliant mood that day. “That sounds like a good idea,” he replied, as he began to pack up his stuff. “I feel like we haven’t had time to ourselves in quite awhile.” Obviously, they saw each other every day at home, but lately with Yu studying they really hadn’t been spending much time together. Yosuke’s eyes lit up in excitement.

“Dinner’s on me tonight, partner,” he said, leaning against Yu’s shoulder as they began making their way back to the first floor. Yu shook his head, but didn’t argue.

“Then this weekend I’ll make curry,” he replied, causing Yosuke to wrap his arms around Yu in excitement.

“Really?” he asked, and Yu nodded.

“So you better treat me to something good tonight,” he said, his eyes twinkling in amusement.

“I won’t let you down,” Yosuke said with a grin, and he couldn’t help but feel relieved to see Yu’s old spark back in him again. He would have to be sure to give Yu more kiss interruptions in the days ahead if they were as effective as they had been today. He for one didn’t mind, and he had a feeling Yu wouldn’t protest either.

#souyo #birthday fic #narukami yu #hanamura yosuke

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soulsxng--a · 5 years ago

Note

“Restored Vestige” for Alki!!

“I understand, but I asked that everything be left to Altair for today. They can take care of it just as well as I can. They’re right here, too. It’s not like they’re off somewhere and you didn’t know where they are. Did you even ask them?” Astra’alca’s king gestured to his twin, who was relaxing on one of the cushions of a high up window seat. The same place they could almost always be found when they were working.

He really didn’t have time for this...a glance at the spiral on the wall told him that he had less than a quarter rotation now, and he didn’t want to be late. Not for this.

Besides, he wouldn’t be able to focus anyway. Not when his mind was already distracted. Set on a soft curl of lilac and flash of amber, instead. The scent of warm feathers, and...

“Oh, they did. They just didn’t listen to me.” Altair’s voice was enough to at least bring him halfway back to what was going on, and white-blue gaze flicked up to his twin. “They didn’t like what I had to say, so they decided that they wanted to speak to you instead.”

Great. Of course that was it. A heavy sigh escaped him, and he ran a hand through his hair in frustration. Sparing one more glance at the spiral before resigning to the fact that he wasn’t going to make it on time.

He hoped Harailt would forgive him. Of all days for this to happen, why did it have to be their anniversary? He’d had the whole date planned out and everything-- he’d wanted it to be perfect so he could propose.

It turned out that they had been right to call for him, at least. Altair’s suggestion on how to deal with the problem only would have made the situation between the Astrecid and Djinn to get even worse than it already was.

“I’ll deal with Merru. Heir or not, he’s young. He’ll make mistakes if you press in the right spots...I’m guessing that he’s either trying to show off for his grandfather, or that his grandfather is the one that told him that he had to come. His powers don’t effect me...and if I can’t get through to him, then he’ll just have to sit here until Antares gets home. We can close off entrance to Astra’alca to stop the Djinn from trying to attack if that’s what we end up needing to do.”

“In fact, we’d have to wait for Annie anyway. According to what I’ve read, he’s taken in some of the star cores. Annie’s the only one that can retrieve them without--”

A wince, and his hand comes up to his chest immediately. Expression one of momentary confusion and concern as his soul began to hurt. Sharp pains ripping through it as though it were being cleaved with a blade.

A familiar feeling...this had happened a few times before.

Harailt was dying.

Dammit...they’d all thought they would have more time...he should’ve known better, when that woman was involved. She always seemed to be whole steps ahead of them...

Alkaid scrambled up from his chair, staggering past both Altair, and the others that tried to stop him. He just had to get outside. Teleport to where Harailt was, and he could help. He could protect him.

Unfortunately, that isn’t how it happened. Alkaid’s eyes wide as he was stopped in his tracks by the last person he made to push past. An ordinary guard, until his guise suddenly dropped, and his form changed to that of a djinn. Of Merru.

Teeth grit tightly together, and he tried to get back, but it was already too late. Screams tearing freely from his throat as a large, clawed hand thrust itself into his chest. Gripped his soul core tight and squeezed. Trying to absorb it as he had with so many other Astrecid.

He struggled wildly. Bursts of quickly weakening magic, kicks and punches, letting his form finally change to that of his normal body in hopes that the heat would burn the Djinn away, or the gravity would crush him into nothing.

It didn’t work. He was already so weak from whatever had happened to Harailt that his fight was leaving him far faster than he’d hoped. Nobody else could even get close to help him, and he couldn’t keep himself from starting to panic. If his soul core was absorbed, his soul would start to die. Which would mean that he and Harailt...

Neither of them would get another reincarnation. And that would effect the others, and--!

Eyes widen, and his body stiffens once more. Mouth opening as if to cry out again, but nothing escaped save for a tiny squeak. His core shattering in Merru’s hold before dispersing into stardust.

His soulmate had died. He could feel it...it must have been too much for his core to take, with how damaged it was. He’d barely managed to survive through the last few times...

He was fading away fast...far too fast for him to even try to stop it. But he couldn’t help being scared. He didn’t know death-- not like he knew life.

Not like he knew Harailt. His life.

#godforsakcn #~The Dying Star ALKI~#~What made us who we are PAST~#(This got super long but here it is #some pain)#//death #//death mention

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zenithlux · 5 years ago

Text

Cadence CH 4

Catch up on the story here!

I’ve gotta keep the calm before the storm, I don’t want less, I don’t want more Must bar the windows and the doors To keep me safe, to keep me warm

Head Above Water - Avril Lavigne

While Aki was only a few blocks away, Dante’s endless chatter made the walk feel miles longer. Vergil didn’t quite understand it. His brother had always been a talker, even as a child. Most of the time, Vergil simply ignored his ramblings, but Roxy was responding to everything. And that didn’t make much sense either, as she was clearly embarrassed and still in pain. Every few sentences, she’d suck in a sharp breath, regain her thoughts, and finish with a much quicker answer than she probably wanted.

And, as much as Vergil wanted to ignore both of them… his mind wouldn’t let him. Because Dante was asking all the right questions, and that bothered Vergil more than the chatter.

“So he was a gift from your father?” Dante said.

“Yep,” She said. “Tenth birthday.”

“So your dad worked with demons or…?”

“He studied them, yeah,” She said. “His best friend was an old demon witch doctor.”

“Is that so?”

“Diadona,” She said. “We still talk now and again.”

“What about demons interested him?”

“Dad believed that he could harness demonic energy to heal others,” she said. Another sharp breath, but this time, she continued as if it hadn't happened. “Since most demons have much stronger healing factors than humans, my father was testing the possibility of using blood to cure certain illnesses or even transplants to save a person’s life.”

“Transplants?” Vergil said. Now that was something he hadn’t heard of. The idea of implanting a piece of a demon into a human seemed… peculiar. It wasn’t like his and Dante’s devil forms that they could slip in and out of with little effort. This was figuring out how to integrate demonic organs into an incompatible host. “Was he successful?”

“On a very small scale,” She said. “I can’t recall any human tests, but he had been working with primates around the time of his death so…” Her eyes fell to Dante’s shoulder. “I was hoping I’d get his work as part of the inheritance, but it all vanished before I could see it for myself. Diadona was furious, and blamed my mother. But mother blamed me for… well…” She paused. “It’s too long of a story for this walk.”

“Naaah we get it,” Dante said with a light shrug. Roxy winced, and Vergil noticed an actual spasm in her lower back. Regular humans wouldn’t have seen it. But when Vergil’s eyes locked with Dante’s for the briefest of moments, he knew he had felt something too. “We don’t talk about our pops very often either.”

Vergil bristled at that. He expected the questions to start the second that sentence left his brother’s lips. Who’s that? Where is he? Do you know? On and on and on... He could think of dozens on his own. But, Roxy’s curt nod and quiet smile caught him completely off-guard. “I’m glad I got to spend the time with him that I did. He told all kinds of amazing stories.” She paused again. “I guess it helped me see the world a bit better.”

“What was his favorite story?” Dante said as they rounded the corner. Aki had migrated to the rooftop at the end of the block, staring down into a plaza. Vergil heard the faint sounds of lesser demons and knew this agonizing walk would be…

“He met Sparda when he was a teenager.”

Vergil nearly choked. Dante burst into laughter. Roxy blinked, confused. “Is something wrong?”

“What did he think of him?” Dante said.

Roxy tilted her head in thought. “He said he was in awe at first, and really nervous. But Sparda was welcoming, and answered all of his questions.” She shrugged. “He only saw him once, but I think that’s what convinced my father to pursue that line of research.”

“Did you meet him?”

“Sparda?” She shook her head. “Father said he disappeared about 15 years before I was born.”

Vergil assumed that was around the time their parents met, as Sparda had chosen to seclude the family in an attempt to protect them. It had worked for a while, but…

“How old are you?” Vergil said.

Dante practically screeched to a halt before whirling on his brother. “Vergil!” He said with a disappointed click of his tongue. Roxy winced after another, small spasm. This time, however, Dante didn’t notice. “You never ask a lady her age!”

“32,” Roxy said.

Dante groaned, glaring over his shoulder before he turned back around. “You can’t let him get away with that.”

“It’s a simple answer.”

“Well sure, but...”

“Enough,” Vergil said as he blinked to the end of the path. As expected, a group of three empusas were there, drinking an absurd amount of blood. Demonic, Vergil thought. The smell was undeniable. The red sacs on their backs were engorged with fluids, but Vergil could see swirls of black beneath; an excess of demonic blood. They wouldn’t last long.

“Weaklings,” Vergil muttered.

“Works for me,” Roxy slid gracefully off Dante’s back. She flinched as she landed, but walked past them both with confidence. Again, the twins exchanged glances. Except this time, Vergil wasn’t certain what was going through Dante’s mind. He was still smiling, but his eyes were clouded in thought. Was he concerned with her well-being, or lost in some other random idea that had nothing to do with the situation?

Vergil shook the thought off. No use considering it.

“So, sunshine,” Dante said. "What's the plan?" Vergil glared at him, and Dante rolled his eyes. “Why did you of all people respond to that?”

Vergil huffed and looked away. Roxy held her hand up and whistled; a loud, short sound that echoed more than Vergil expected. The empusas’ heads shot up in confusion. A streak of purple shot off the rooftop above them, and Aki chirped once as he dove straight for her hand. A milli-second before they collided, he vanished in a flicker of bright light. In his place was a gray bow that rippled with demonic energy. Purple light swirled around the strings in an endless pulse of energy between both sides of the weapon. Metallic, purple and gray feathers fanned out from the otherwise simple grip. It was much larger than Vergil expected, given the small stature of the demon that had turned into it. But Roxy held it with ease, unbothered by the fact that it was only about a foot shorter than she was. And, to be entirely fair, it was less ridiculous than most of Dante’s devil arms, so it really wasn’t all that fantastical.

The fact that she could summon it with such ease despite her weakened state was infinitely more interesting.

No, He chided himself. Not interesting. Insightful.

He imagined Griffon snorting at that. “Whatever you say, Shakespeare.”

“Damn,” Dante said. “That’s pretty nice.”

Roxy chuckled as she snapped her fingers. A trio of arrows appeared. A couple of empusas scrambled away. One just stood there, either too full of blood to move, or too brainless to realize what was happening. “I do apologize,” Roxy said as she nocked all three arrows with little effort. The bow shifted to accommodate as her fingers wrapped around the strings. “I can’t show you much today, but I’d love to join you again sometime.”

As she pulled the strings back, she tilted the bow gently to the left. Energy pulsed along her arms and vanished as it reached her head. One quiet breath later, she let go. The arrows shot forward at blinding speeds, each one darting in separate directions. The first empusa died before it had time to react, the arrow piercing the sac of blood. The other two shrieked, but they too were impaled within seconds. Roxy snapped her fingers and the arrows pulsed with electricity. The creatures exploded. Demonic blood burst in all directions, congealing in the all too familiar red orbs. They hovered for a brief moment, before darting straight at Roxy.

Dante’s eyes widened. “Wait…”

Vergil grabbed Dante’s arm, yanking him back before he could get in the way. When the orbs reached her, they vanished, just as they did for Vergil himself. And as the last of them swirled into her body, her back straightened, her shoulders relaxed, and Vergil heard a content sigh as she stretched her arms out for the first time that night. A quiet pop echoed back, but it only seemed to add to her relief. “Much better,” She said as she tossed the bow into the air. It transformed back into Aki within seconds, and the demon landed on her shoulder with a purr of satisfaction.

“Y-you…” Dante stopped short, shook his head, and continued with that not-quite-at-ease-but-I’m-trying smile. “You absorbed them?”

Vergil resisted the urge to roll his eyes by crossing his arms in disapproval instead. “That part was quite clear, brother.”

“But I thought humans couldn’t do that.”

Roxy rubbed at her neck, breaking their gazes. “Technically,” She said. “Aki’s absorbing it. It just looks like I am.”

While that excuse seemed to satisfy Dante, Vergil’s eyes narrowed. A devil arm absorbing energy was plausible. But using that same energy to heal her? Impossible. At least, it wasn’t something he’d ever heard of. Humans couldn’t tolerate demon blood. Most who tried either went mad or turned into demons themselves. But there was nothing demonic about her, as far as he could tell. There would be more obvious signs. Her heartbeat would be different. She wouldn’t have such random aches and pains. She’d smell different. She’d probably act differently…

“Earth to Vergil!”

He blinked once before glancing at his brother. “Yes?”

Dante shook his head. “What world did you just go to? ‘Cuz it sure wasn’t this one.”

Vergil didn’t answer him. “Are we done?” He said, turning back toward Devil May Cry before either of them responded. “As fascinating as that display was, I have things to do.” He dripped that sentence in as much sarcasm as he could muster. Still, it wasn’t enough, for Roxy simply beamed at him with pride. His heart skipped in what he assumed was exasperation. “We’re going…”

Demonic energy swept over him before he finished that sentence. A portal snapped open behind him, and a large pack of empusas spilled out in a chaotic mess. Dante sighed dramatically as he summoned his Devil Sword and propped it up on his shoulder. “Time to take out the trash,” He said. Roxy’s eyes widened for a brief moment before she yanked her gaze away. “I’ve got some magic of my own, Sunshine,” Dante said with a grin as he clapped his hand on her shoulder.

She gasped in pain as her back spasmed. She stumbled away, fumbling for the closest wall. Except she didn’t make it, crumbling to her knees only a few steps away. “Dammit,” she hissed, hands hitting the ground. “I wasn’t ready for that.” Aki chirped in a panic, rubbing his head along her lower back as if trying to heal her. Instead, she convulsed one last time before rolling sideways, arms stretched as she stared blankly at the sky.

Dante stared at her, dumbstruck. “What the hell…?”

She scowled at nothing. “Don’t mind me,” She muttered. “Just figured it was a good time to rest.”

“Riiight,” Dante said as he took many large steps back. “I’ll let you take care of her then, Verge.”

“What? This is your mess.” But his brother had already leaped into battle with a whoop of delight. The waves of empusas were seemingly endless, but this was child’s play to him. Vergil wouldn’t waste his time fighting over it.

Instead, there was the problem of the woman lying at his feet.

“So…” She said, eyes flickering toward him. Except he was out of her view, and she gave up within a few seconds. “I’m currently looking to hire a semi-friendly escort back to safety if you’re up for it. I’ll even pay extra since you’ll have to carry me.”

“Carry you?” Vergil said. “And ruin your rest?”

She sighed in defeat. “This street isn’t the most comfortable place in the world. I’d much prefer a bed."

Vergil glanced at his brother, but Dante was too engrossed in the fighting to care. And when a much larger empusa queen stepped out, Vergil knew he would be busy for quite a while. “I suppose I don’t have much of a choice,” He muttered.

“I mean you could leave me here,” Roxy said. “But then I’d probably get eaten, and that’s on you.”

“Technically,” Vergil said. “This is Dante’s fault.”

“Also true,” She said. “But I have a feeling you may be a little more careful with such a delicate situation.”

Vergil couldn’t decide if she was naive or painfully accurate. His mind settled on the former. “What is this strange illness of yours?”

“Long story,” She said.

“We’ve got plenty of time.”

“Unfortunately, no,” she said, wincing. Aki hopped onto her chest and pressed his forehead to her chin. “I’ll probably fall unconscious in about… two minutes.”

“... You’re joking.”

“Nope.”

Vergil rubbed at his temples, trying to shove away his irritation. It didn’t work. “And how long will you be unconscious for?”

“A couple of hours,” She said. “It’s only my legs that don’t work, by the way. I can hold on to most anything with enough warning.”

With another, almost longing glance at his brother, Vergil sighed. He lifted her with ease, and was almost amused by the shocked look on her face. “I know I don’t weigh much,” She said wearily. “But I didn’t know I was that light.”

Vergil said nothing, trying to ignore the painful thudding against his ribcage. If she expected him to say something else, she didn’t show it. Instead, she curled her head toward his chest as her hand half-heartedly clung to the lapel of his jacket. “Thank you,” She said, her eyes fluttering. “Hopefully next time, I’m not so much of a burden.”

“Next time?” Vergil echoed. But it was Roxy who returned the silence, as she fell asleep within seconds. “Infuriating,” Vergil muttered.

“But at least now you’re enlightened!”

If Vergil could strangle the bird, he would. But the fragmented memory cackled before slipping back into his subconscious where it belonged, leaving him to trudge back to Devil May Cry.

--------------------------

Roxy left around three in the morning, and Vergil didn’t try to stop her. She’d been quiet enough, after all. If he slept even halfway like a normal person, he wouldn’t have noticed. He did, however, wander downstairs the moment he felt Aki’s presence fade away. It was the only time he could get Dante’s miserable amount of paperwork done in relative peace. It was also a good time to think. Or maybe stop thinking. He wasn’t sure which one was more important at the moment.

But as he reached Dante’s desk, he stopped, bewildered. For there, sitting between three mounds of paperwork, was check and a bookmark.

His mind went blank for far too long before he picked it up. It was different from the last one. There was no glossy finish or smooth, plastic covering. Instead, this one was made from thick paper and laminated. The picture - a water-colored, sunset sky over mountains and a lake - looked to be hand-painted. Then, there were the words painted in perfect cursive with black ink; the same calligraphy that Vergil recognized from the cover of the book she’d given him.

Hold infinity in the palm of your hands, And eternity in an hour.

He flipped the bookmark in his hand and wasn’t surprised to see her phone number again. This time, however, she had signed her name: Roxanna. Had she made it herself? It was possible. The paint, while dry, smelled fresh, and the cursive on the front matched the name on the back. But that just confused Vergil even more. Did she often hold onto bookmarks for random people? Why would she give him another one after he’d ignored the first? What was her goal? Her plan? Did she even have one? Was he…

“So are you going to call her this time?”

Vergil flinched, but that was the only startled reaction Dante would ever get from him. “What are you talking about?” He said as he went to tuck the bookmark away. But Dante plucked it out of his hand before he had a chance.

“Damn,” He said, followed by a low whistle. “That’s a pretty impressive second chance.”

Vergil snatched it back. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You never messaged her, right?” Dante said as he crossed his arms. “Guessing you ran into her on your way home or something?”

“Why does it matter?”

“You still haven’t used that number.”

“Again,” Vergil said. “Why does it…?”

“At least put it in your phone.”

“What?”

“The number.” Dante shrugged. “You’re clearly interested. At least a tiny bit.”

“And what makes you think that?”

“You carried her back,” Dante said. “Instead of asking me to do it.”

Vergil said nothing. Dante chuckled. “You want to be a part of this world, right? Here’s your chance.” He pointed to the bookmark. “A friend.”

“A friend,” Vergil echoed.

“Yep,” Dante sighed wistfully. “My big bro’s growing up.”

Vergil rolled his eyes, but quickly realized how tense he was. His grip on Yamato was so tight his knuckles had turned white, and the muscles in his shoulders were practically shaking from the tension. But why? What was this feeling? Anger was his first guess, but he hadn’t been angry at Dante’s teasing in months. So why…

“Don’t be afraid,” Dante said.

“I’m not afraid.”

“Then put that number in your phone.”

Vergil stared at him. For a long moment, neither of them said anything. Dante watched him expectantly, tapping his foot in something between amusement and annoyance. Again, Vergil found himself caught in a whirlwind of conflicting emotions. She had proven him both right and wrong on multiple occasions on the same day. She was a weak, injured, clueless woman who would likely drag him down. Yet, she was strong enough to wield a devil arm with incredible precision and absorbed demonic power as he and Dante did. She clearly trusted people way too easily… but she hadn’t given up on him.

“What would V do?” Dante said.

Vergil frowned, but his eyes fell back on the bookmark. Did he even know the answer to that question? V’s memories were there, of course. Always tugging on his mind whenever he tried to make such decisions. But they were rarely clear. At least, not in moments like this. Though he supposed that he hadn’t had many moments like this, so that wasn’t fair. There hadn’t been any hard decisions since returning from the Underworld. Everything just… happened around him. He took the jobs. Sent the money where it needed to go. Failed to get along with his son. Argued with his brother. That was life.

But surely that’s not all you want?

Vergil held back a sigh and threw the bookmark at Dante. His brother snatched it out of the air before it hit - a shame, really - and raised an eyebrow. “What do you want me to do with it?”

Vergil glared at him. “I do not… possess that knowledge.”

Dante snorted. “Dramatic as always.” He tossed his own cellphone into the air in a needless display of something and spun it twice as it landed between his fingers. His was much different than Vergil’s. Whereas Dante had gone for every upgrade under the sun - touch screen, fingerprint scanner, and a million other things Vergil didn’t care about - Vergil’s was simple. A sliding phone with a keypad which was, arguably, still more than he needed. “So you open it,” Dante said as the screen flickered on. “And you find the button that says, “Contacts.” He wiggled his fingers under the phone as if summoning a demon.

“Quit with the theatrics.”

“But that’s the best part!”

“Do you want me to do this or not?”

Dante rolled his eyes but walked him through the rest of the steps in the most business-like tone he could manage. And while it took a few minutes, as Vergil hadn’t really looked at the phone beyond answering the occasional call, he eventually figured it out. By the end, he was left staring at his nearly empty contact list: Dante, Morrison, Nero, Nico and…

Roxanna.

He snapped the phone closed. “There,” He said. Dante stared at him in pure horror. Vergil twitched. “What?”

“You’re not gonna message her?”

“Why would I do that?”

“How do you think she’ll get your number, dumbass?”

Vergil bit back a response, unwilling to admit that he hadn’t thought that part through. But when he reached for the phone again, he hesitated. He did not, however, miss Dante’s not-so-subtle eye roll. “Just say ‘hello’ or ‘this is Vergil’ or ‘I’m the idiot that spent two weeks ignoring you’.” He grunted as a summoned sword careened into his shoulder, but grinned back as he put his hands on his hips, not bothering to remove it. “You know, something straight to the point. Just like you.”

Vergil’s eyes drifted back to the phone. And after another long moment of silence, in which his thoughts were both frustratingly chaotic and entirely unhelpful, he tucked it back in his pocket. “Later,” He said as he blinked to the stairs. Dante sighed behind him, and Vergil was certain he heard a muttered ‘you’re hopeless, bro’. But the older son of Sparda ignored him as he slid back into his room, locked the door, and grabbed a book to calm himself. His frown deepened when he realized which book he’d grabbed: her gift that he had yet to read. But it was the only book from his small collection that he hadn’t poured through yet. Her first bookmark slipped from the back, and his eyes fell to her number once again.

Thank you. Hopefully next time, I'm not as much of a burden.

Vergil's hand shifted toward his pocket but stopped short.

Why?

Why are you so… infuriating?

Frustrated, he set the book on the bed and teleported out the window, more interested in the random demons of Redgrave than his thoughts.

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