#i had a dream that i was in some sort of weird art class

[maeo-png]

nahhh :(

[that-trans-autistic-guy]

The Dream of Being in DBD as a Trans Character

as an actor who adores DBD and yearns to bring trans characters to life, this is the story i made for a character that i thought could be brought into the show via an episode focus. so, enjoy:

The plot begins with a client walking in. A ghost boy, no older than eighteen, comes in and asks for their assistance. His friend, who we’ll call Roy, had moved to the UK before the ghost, we’ll call Gilbert, passed away. The two were extremely close and Gil was Roy’s only real friend. Gil’s request is that the agency finds Roy and helps him deliver a last message to his friend. It takes some discussion, but the agency agrees.

We see a teen walking through a high school, head down, headphones on and clearly on the outside (think Edwin’s scene of walking against all the other students). Some jock in a varsity jacket slaps the books out of his hands. One particular book gets kicked down the hallway or something, and the whole hallway watches him go after it. His locker has all sorts of insults scribbled onto it, multiple of which are feminine in nature. Roy just sighs as he exchanges some of his supplies.

We watch him go through classes, just glimpses of classmates glaring, throwing papers at him, etc. He doesn’t respond to it beyond a few resigned expressions and sighs. A bell rings and the hallways are flooded by people going to lunch. Enter Crystal Palace, flanked by Edwin and Charles. She asks if he has a moment to talk and he says something like, “Look, I’m just trying to go eat without getting fucked up. So if you and your ghost boyfriends could just leave me alone, that’d be great.” He walks off, leaving Crystal and the boys extremely confused.

They didn’t think he would be able to see them. Gil had said he’d never said anything about seeing ghosts.

Crystal and the boys talk to the other students about Roy, posing as new/exchange students who’d noticed something about him. None of the students are particularly nice, saying he’s weird and abnormal. They also add in statements saying things like he’s “a girl playing pretend” and other statements like that. It confuses the boys, especially Edwin, but it seems to click for Crystal.

She finds Roy after school, hiding in the art/band room while the hoard of students goes outside to leave. His headphones are still on and he’s on his phone, but his head whips up the second the psychic enters so he’s clearly on high alert. Crystal sits across from him and asks why he could see ghosts.

Roy explains that when he came out, his parents stopped caring. They didn’t provide anything to him and refused to call him by his name. When he was seventeen, his appendix burst. He’d complained for days that his stomach was unbearable and his parents ignored it. It burst at school and he nearly died from their negligence.

His uncle asked for custody and they gave it over without protest. Once he had it, his uncle, who we’ll call Josh, immediately worked on helping him transition. Josh got him to doctors who gave him HRT and helped him legally change his name. When Josh was told he would move to England for his high paying job barely two months later, he got Roy top surgery before they left. He enrolled in school, which had just as much bullying as his last. 

Crystal tells him that his friend, Gilbert, had contacted them to find him and help deliver a message. Roy’s shocked and asked if he could see Gil. The three agree, saying they could arrange something for that night. They make conversation until Roy deems it safe enough for him to leave.

The two friends reunite that night. It’s tearful and emotional. We learn, through conversation or flashbacks, that Gilbert had died shortly after Roy moved away in a car accident. Roy had flown out to be at his best friend’s funeral and had been inconsolable. Gil’s family had let him sit with them, basically his own family. The boys hold each other like they might fade away, resting their foreheads together.

They talk. Gil reassures him that he was okay, that he was glad Roy was still going. He’s sad that Roy hasn’t made any new friends and the boy says he’s scared of letting in the wrong people. He says that maybe he can start with the detectives and Roy agrees that maybe he can. They talk a little more, the two stating that they love each other and similar statements, and Gil’s ready to move on. The blue light appears and he smiles sadly, giving his friend one last hug. He tells Roy to look after himself, asks the agency to look after him, too. Roy is holding in a sob but tells Gilbert to go on and that he’ll see him later, yeah? Gilbert nods and goes with Death, the light disappearing. As it does, we see the ghost boys holding hands, reminded of their own deep friendship and unable to imagine parting.

Roy swipes at his tears as the agency approaches. They all offer their condolences, even a hug maybe, and he accepts. He asks if what they do is helping people move on and they say that it is. He nods and says that he’d like to help them sometimes, to which they all agree. The four of them hang out for a while, letting Roy tell the stories of Gilbert he’d been aching to tell.

I like to think Roy would make a few other appearances, in a similar way to Monty. Edwin would ask him questions about his identity and queer stuff, notebook in hand. Charles and him would mess around, maybe playing jokes on the others. He and Crystal would commiserate over neglectful parents, maybe helping her as she tries to rebuild her life. When Niko comes back, they’d share shows and books they each like. 

Maybe the bullying gets bad and one of the ghost boys goes with him to school, casually tripping the bullies or being silly around them while the bully is oblivious. Roy slowly makes a friend or two at school, and overall comes out of his shell bit by bit.

again, this is just a wild dream i have. the character envelops the themes of love and grief that the show is based on, as well as self acceptance. naturally, i'd love to see any kind of trans character on the show since we are an extremely underrepresented group and the love put into the show would make it excellent. so, naturally, Save Dead Boy Detectives.

[allurilove]

The wedding inspo was so cute!!!!!!! When I saw the David Guetta from husband’s dream scenario, it made me think, are there any other fun/embarrassing facts about the other OCs from their past high school/teenage years?

Well, yandere professors mother was an entomologist! She was super fascinated with bugs, and she had a whole collection of different types of beetles. When yandere professor was a kid, he liked to watch his mom dissect bugs. It sort of wanted him to become a doctor for some reason, and learn about the human anatomy. He would sometimes find dead bugs around school, take em to his desk and inspect it. To everyone else it was weird as fuck, especially when you see him take the limbs apart.

Yandere husband’s first job was working for his mother. I forget what I said that she did, but I’m sure I’ve mentioned that she was a bit superstitious. She had a side hustle, which was a tiny shop filled with crystals and tarot cards. She also sold books about spirits, ghosts, and folklore. Teen!yandere husband thought she was batshit crazy. But he does keep some sage on him at times. He mostly tided up the shop, sold some items here and there, and worked on his charm. Sometimes his older sisters would come by, but that was mostly to make fun of the crazy uniform he had to wear.

Yandere chaebol is sort of a mommas boy if you couldn’t tell already lol! He sort of fears and respects her at the same time. Whenever he got in trouble with his dad, he went running to his mother because he knew his dad couldn’t do anything to him then. On KakaoTalk (a korean messaging app) his mother is the first name that pops up. And her pfp is of her and teen yandere chaebol at his peek teenager phase. He has begged her to take it down multiple times. Even if it wasn’t an embarrassing picture, he still just doesn’t want to see it. Yandere chaebol was the guy that was annoyingly smart in school. He had the most advantage anyways, since his parents got him tutors in almost every subject. Yandere chaebol didn’t go through an awkward phase like yandere husband did. (a little clue of the yandere quiz).

Yandere stalker took art pretty seriously in school. Like, he would have a meltdown if it wasn’t up to his high standards. He would pull all nighters to put some tiny finishing touches on an art project, and it’ll affect his ability to do well in his other classes. He would be yawning in class, falling asleep, and his math notebook was filled with doodles. He almost couldn’t graduate if it wasn’t for his father slapping some sense into him.

Yandere prodigy was the kid in school that lugged around his heavy ass violin case everywhere (literally me). He had a bus to catch, and he couldn’t afford to go up three flight of stairs to go grab it and run back down again. He was pretty much forced into playing the musical instrument, and actually hated orchestra as a teen. His brother was the true prodigy, but he got into an accident and couldn’t play anymore. So, it got passed down to yandere prodigy. He purposefully played bad at every concert, and he made sure his bow went the opposite direction as everyone else too. However, his parents pretty much gave him a tutor and he fell in love with it.

Calm yandere was a failed minecraft youtuber. He wanted to have a gaming channel, and also wanted to get paid for playing games too. He wasn’t getting as much of attention as he hoped for, and he did have a pretty good set up…. People just happened to think his commentary was ass since he didn’t talk most of the time. lol!

[goodluckclove]

Things You Might Want to Know

So I recently realized that I spend most of my time here talking and forming relationships with young creatives, and that might look weird in a vacuum. Especially since it's something I plan to continue doing along with all my other machinations.

So I thought I'd give some information about myself all in one place. It's more than I might need to give, but it might put someone at ease.

My name is Clover Gardener, and I'm in my late 20s. I am an Agender individual in an asexual marriage and I'm in the process of medically transitioning. Currently I work as an author, but I have experience in technical writing, ghostwriting, social media management, food service and administrative work. Oh and theater. I worked backstage for some community theater productions. These are all like Employment Jobs I've Had to Include On My Taxes, but I've also done more short term gig work/weird jobs that didn't work out. I dropped out of college.

At 16 my first one-act play was produced. I proceeded to form a small youth theater troupe just out of high school where I wrote, directed, and produced three full length plays at festivals and other venues. I also took a play I wrote at like 19 and got invited to a reading at the Last Frontier Theater Festival in Valdez, Alaska a year later.

In regards to writing, I completed my first novel when I was 13 after only making it through a fifth of NaNoWriMo the year before. I've completed 11-14 novels since then. I honestly can't really remember at this point. Only maybe four of them left the first draft stage. One novel, Blind Trust, is self-published online. I also have a few short stories available in online literary journals. At one point I had an arts column on a small culture website but they're harder to find now.

I have taken three writing classes at varying points in my life and didn't find them helpful other than as an opportunity to keep practicing writing and maybe get some good feedback.

In terms of interacting with young people, there was actually a six year period of my life that was primarily dedicated to youth mentorship and advocacy - specifically for queer, neurodivergent, and abused youth, a lot of whom were passionate about the arts. I was way less stable enough to do it then compared to now, but I tried my very best. Supporting young artists and queer youth has been an intense passion for mine since I was 14.

It's my ultimate dream in life to form some sort of youth empowerment program in the arts, or at least a writing program where everyone is respected regardless of age or experience. I'm kind of working towards making that happen. I just want to see how accessible I can make it as opposed to doing something just within my city.

Anywho, those are my general qualifications for talking to teens about writing and creativity. I also have a full history of trauma and disability, but this seems slightly less important to talk about here.

I will say though that if you are a person, of any age frankly, who is ever looking to compare notes or seek support or guidance on anything mentioned above, my DMs are always open. You can also email me at luckyclovegardener@gmail.com if you'd like. I like getting emails and I would love to gain new perspectives.

[eyesaremosaics]

Limerance

/ˈlimər(ə)ns/

nounPSYCHOLOGY

1. the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically experienced involuntarily and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship.

When your heart is heavy from years of unhealed trauma, romantic obsession can feel like the brand new adventure that you have craved for so long. The high can be likened to that of a drug. When reality has so often hurt and disappointed you, the world of your imagination can become a place of refuge. Suddenly, every minuscule interaction can feel profound and deeply spiritual.

I have been both on the giving and receiving end of this phenomenon. Though my situation was tempered with complicated factors, I can honestly say limerance is something I have experienced more than once.

Have you ever had a relationship (or perceived relationship) where the other person rarely interacts with you, but the few times that they do, causes you to fall into this fantasy of what the relationship could/would be like if this person suddenly became emotionally available to you?

My first time encountering limerance, was when I was about 12 or 13 years old. There was a boy in my class, who always stared at me. To the point where it made me very uncomfortable. Another boy in my class, told me they overheard him sexualizing me to other boys in the locker room, expressing explicit things he wished to do with me.

As a survivor of childhood sexual abuse, talking about sex made me vomit. In fact, most of my life I have had to be high or drunk to go through with sexual activity. That is something I still work through, even with a loving and devoted partner.

To return to the point, I was very upset that this person (who I was timidly trying to develop a friendship with) was talking this way and thinking of me like this behind my back. I felt violated. As a result, I was cruel in my rejection of him. Ever since I was a child, I preferred to be in my imagination where no one could hurt me, and found real people as intrusions.

I have regrets about being so unkind. Not just to him, but to many other people who sought connection with me in my childhood. I was too hurt and wounded to trust people easily. My cold indifference to others was the heavy armor I wore.

This boy had an unhealthy obsession with me though. He saw me as his dream girl, and put me on a pedestal, wrote me letters in blood about how I ripped apart his soul etc. —which made me very uncomfortable. I remember even writing him back once when I was 14 or 15 years old, expressing to him that I have never spoken more than a few sentences to him in my entire life, and he can’t possibly feel as strongly about me as he did.

He wrote me back trying to rationalize all the reasons why we were made for each other etc. He went on and on about all that we had in common, and all his predictions about me coming true. “It never stopped. It still hasn’t.” I remember being weirded out, but shrugging it off and returning to my life.

I don’t know what it is about me, but I have had at least 7 stalkers in my life. Men who fell in love with the “image” or the “idea” that they projected on me, and not the reality. I still contend with some of these people trying to contact me from time to time, but knowing that silence is also an answer, has me hoping that silence will be enough to dispel the illusion. What you feed thrives, what you starve, dies.

To summarize this story quickly, I ended up running into the same boy again at a party when we were 18. The creepiest part is that he fashioned himself into a sort of… male version of me. He said he grew his hair out to feel “closer” to me, and used to sit and stare at my picture in the yearbook etc. He wrote all this poetry about me, made all this art dedicated to me. I was overwhelmed by the attention and interest.

I had been in love with a different boy all through high school, one who was also my best friend. The boy I loved, never returned my feelings to the same degree, and this rejection sent me into a spiral of self loathing and deep depression for years to come.

Emotional neglect and abuse in my childhood, led me to fear abandonment, and develop anxious attachments. With all that being said, at 18 years old, having a boy who was seemingly so in love with you and all about you—was very appealing. So I jumped from one unhealthy relationship into another.

After 7 years of pining over me, he finally had me, and once he did—the spell of limerance was broken. You see, what this boy felt for me was not love. It was limerance. He projected a fantasy relationship onto me as a way to escape from his own trauma. Even though this person turned out to be a truly evil person in the end, I will not sink so low as to divulge any of his personal traumas here. Needless to say—there were many traumas that helped create the person he became. He developed a personality disorder to cope with his childhood. Narcissists are made, not born. They are usually born from neglect.

This is where the limerance began for me. Though to be honest, I did experience it with my first love as well. My first love did care about me, I know that for sure as we developed a deep abiding friendship with him afterwards that was totally platonic. However, in the throes of first love, I definitely projected a lot of wishful thinking and obsessive thought onto him.

Going back to this other boy: soon as he had me in real life—he no longer wanted me. He realized that I was a flawed human being, just like everyone else. This shattered the fantasy image he had in his head. The challenge was over, and he withdrew.

Since he is a narcissist, he toyed with my affections for fun. Narcissists have no core self and need to thrive off of others energy. My “love” for him seemed to fuel him (or so ex girlfriends of his have told me). He didn’t want to be with me, because he enjoyed seeing me in pain too much, and also most importantly—because he didn’t love me. Yet I held onto the crumbs, held on to hope. It didn’t help that he kept leaving crumbs (intentionally I’m sure) for me to follow. To keep him on my radar. That’s what abusers do.

It was safe to retreat to my room, to listen to sad songs that made me think of him, to make art to process my feelings, to fantasize and live in the few good moments that we shared. Cradling them like fragile eggshells in my hand. Living in the spiritual realm where we could actually be together and care for each other.

It took me years of therapy and study of psychology to understand what happened in this situation. It did real damage to me for many years. Luckily I came out the other side, and can now look back on this situation with love and empathy for myself—and even for him.

Truthfully, I find him to be rather pitiful. He will never know real love or friendship, and I truly feel sorry for him. I know he wasn’t born evil. I saw these glitches of who he could have been, otherwise I never would have had feelings for him. It’s a shame he chose not to develop his better qualities. He fell hard into evil and destruction. What a waste. Just goes to show you how he really feels about himself, if his greatest joy in life is trying to make others miserable.

His manipulations may have worked in his twenties, but now he’s in his 30s, and it’s getting harder for him to “turn the trick” as they say. He has always had a penchant for manipulating young girls, that shows you his level of emotional maturity right there.

I did the work. I looked honestly at myself and healed all my wounds. I cleaned up my act and got my life together. I have a loving partner, I got promoted at both my jobs, pulling in good money, living in a two bedroom flat in the city, driving a BMW, modeling for famous designers, traveling to new places, making a living off my tarot… I’ve built a beautiful and exciting life for myself. A life full of love, friendship, creativity, and adventure. He has not been able to do that from what I gather from mutual friends and acquaintances. It’s sad.

Looking back I relate this relationship to the moon card in the tarot. The meaning of this card is duplicitous, for the romantic state can be one of inspiration—but also illusion. The true meaning of the card is to be your authentic self, as opposed to being your dutiful self or fulfilling a role in others expectations of you.

His case was very clearly limerance, since we had no relationship and no real contact at the time he was experiencing it. For me it was more complicated, because at the point I was experiencing it, we already had a 7-8 year history. At that point we had been intimate on multiple occasions, and he lied to me saying we were in a relationship and that he broke up with his girlfriend to be with me. Later he dropped me like a hot rock to go back to this underage girl. Real winner this guy, how I never saw the signs, I dunno.

After he broke things off with me, he still tried to encourage my feelings by sending me texts like: “you’re beautiful and constantly in my thoughts”. Or trying to poke at me on social media, message me occasionally etc. He even would come around once in a while and hang out with me or sleep with me, knowing I was infatuated and wouldn’t say no.

So my limerance was based on years of inconsistent interaction, intermittent reinforcement as they call it. The link to my article in intermittent reinforcement can be found HERE. However, the truth of it was, this person is incapable of real human emotions, but worse than that—he didn’t actually care for me at all. He used me to satisfy his own sexual desires, but mainly to stroke his ego, to feed off my energy.

I would have been able to cut ties with him years prior if it weren’t for the dreams. We did seem to share an almost psychic connection, and shared dreams in tandem on more than one occasion. He and I both experienced this, and it’s the only reason I put up with the BS for so long. It caused me to see meaning in every little interaction we had, it had me fantasizing about this great “Dracula-esque” kind of love I thought we both wanted.

The truth was, I found meaning when there wasn’t any, and in my loneliness and unhealed trauma I escaped into my fantasy world. It was safer there. Now I won’t sugar coat it, this guy was downright abusive and cruel to me. Regardless if he felt that way about me or not, he could have let me down gently and then ceased all contact instead of returning over and over trying to stir up my feelings and abandon me again.

However, hurt people—hurt people as they say. I still don’t hate him, even though I probably should. I don’t hate anyone really, it’s just not in my nature to do that. There are people I really dislike because of how they treat me or others, who I don’t want contact with, but I don’t hate them.

He wasn’t the only person I experienced this with, as I said—my first love, along with a boyfriend I broke up with in 2016. It was an old habit of mine to pine and wallow and dream of how it could all be beautiful if it weren’t for this or that. I tended to romanticize relationships after they were over. It took me years to realize what I was doing, and now that I know there is a name for it, I feel suddenly free.

I’ve been in a healthy relationship for three years now, with a partner who actually loves and cares about me. Who sees me and wants to see more. Who loves me in spite of my faults, as I do in turn. It’s my first time experiencing an equal relationship. Usually the power balance was off. In the past I dated guys who were a lot older than me, 4-18 years older on one occasion. Most of these relationships were controlling and abusive, I was just too down on myself to see it. The bittersweet ones were relationships that were simply incompatible abd crumbled apart eventually. In many situations my fear of abandonment caused me to stay in unhealthy relationships waaay too long.

The reason I am sharing my experience today, is because I hope it resonates with anyone out there experiencing this “obsessive love” for another person.

No you’re not a freak.

No you’re not stupid.

What you are is human, a human who has had a lot of trauma in their life, and is experiencing a very common phenomena among people with CPTSD or anxious attachment. It’s very common for children who were neglected emotionally, to escape into their imagination to get the support they are not getting in real life.

I likened the feeling I experienced in this limerant state, to be walking in the land of the dead. In the same way that you cannot actually experience those who have died except in your imagination … it is the same with this person you are projecting your feelings on. Nothing can grow, or truly exist, because you are walking in the land of the dead. Living in the past, sometimes a past that wasn���t even real.

Have compassion for yourself. Be gentle with your heart as it heals. Know that there are real people here on earth, in the land of the living, who want to love and experience you. There are real men and women looking for the same deep level of connection that you are seeking, but you will never meet them with your head in the clouds.

Brutal honesty with oneself is the key to breaking this spell. It will hurt at first to tell yourself the truth. Deep down, you know. You know this isn’t right. You know you shouldn’t be feeling like this. Love is not supposed to hurt. It’s a beautiful, splendid thing that lifts you up and brings out the best in you. Love is magical, and it truly is all anyone needs.

As I said before, change is hard, sitting with the reality of the situation, the cold unvarnished truth, will hurt. You will be disillusioned, and you may even experience an existential emptiness as I did, but you will heal. You will meet others who will see you, who want to know you, and love you. You’ll be surprised how quickly it happens once you start believing in and standing up for yourself.

If something feels off, it probably is, and you have always had the power inside you to leave. It was in you all along. You have the power to say: you know what? This doesn’t work for me. I deserve better treatment than this. I deserve to love and be loved in return. You have the power to walk away and never look back. With practice, you will get there.

After living in this energy for 15 years, I am living proof you can and will survive it. If I could do it, so can you.

Bright blessings, and oceans of love 💕

-Megan

[weirdmarioenemies]

Alright, class, that’s all for today! Your parents are waiting to pick you up outside! I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day, and I’ll see you tomorrow! Remember, tomorrow’s our quiz on sprockets!

...Ah, I love my job as a Robot Kindergarten Teacher. It’s so rewarding, helping to nurture the next generation of automatons, putting them on the right path toward reaching their potential, whatever their dreams may be! Yes, it is a wonderful full time job which I have, and have had this entire time, and-

Oh! I’m sorry, Clown Junior, I was lost in thought! What’s the matter? Your father is just outside, I saw him pull his self into the usual parking space.

...You’d like me to write... a letter of recommendation? For Clown College? Wow! Well, you have quite a long time to go until you have to worry about that! But... I know how serious you are about your clowning. You mean this. And I’m not one to dash the ambitions of any child! I’ll do it! Your ambition is going to knock the polka-dotted socks off of those admissions office clowns! Now, let’s not keep Mr. Car waiting, I’m sure he’d love to hear all about your day at school!

Name: Junior Clown Car

Debut: New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Junior Clown Car is, to get straight to the point, a top-notch clown. Clowns, as we all know, are all about containers. They come from containers (clown cars). They themselves are containers of things (colorful handkerchiefs). So as a clown car and a clown itself, we can expect Junior Clown Car to both contain clowns, and contain all manner of wacky things!

Junior Clown Car can contain not a clown, but some sort of strange, mischievous turtle child! And what better way to spice up a routine of clownery than to Keep ‘Em Guessin’? Everyone would expect a clown in there. This turtle is Junior Clown Car’s go-to sidekick, always tagging along on its tours, and the two play off of each other quite well! A truly great clown recognizes that performing as a group is not a sign of individual weakness. It’s a show of trust, of confidence, of the potential to improvise, and bounce off of a potentially unpredictable companion. That’s a very mature way for such a young clown to be thinking!

And what about props? What does Junior Clown Car have up its sleeve? A whole lot! It can even pop out some arms, allowing it to literally WEAR sleeves to have tricks up! Its go-to routine has it sporting a pair of boxing gloves, some of the silliest gloves out there- a real slapstick clown! And you know what it does sometimes? It plays tennis. This is not just a clown playing tennis, which would already be impressively wacky on its own. This is a clown, who is also a flying vehicle, containing a turtle, playing tennis, while wearing boxing gloves. There is so much going on here! Something for everyone!

If you’ve been worried about Junior Clown Car’s facial expression range, worry no longer. It can do much more than a simple smile. It even has a real flesh tongue in there, and a real flesh tongue is one of the cheekiest parts a clown’s face can have! Maybe not as iconic as a honky nose, but we have made it clear at this point that Junior Clown Car is not afraid to break traditions.

Even at such a young age, Junior Clown Car is undoubtedly an inspiration! Just look at this mass-produced model in its likeness. This different weird turtle guy is even performing acts of clownery with his! Truly, Junior Clown Car is bringing in a whole new generation to the art of clowning!

And lastly, this is a clown who can perform Fire Blast Attacks. Just another example of its wacky slapstick capabilities!

In conclusion, Junior Clown Car is the greatest clown I know, and it is just getting started. Any teacher should be HONORED to have it in their class. I know I certainly am! It may be a very long time before it will reach Clown College, but that just goes to show Junior Clown Car’s passion for the art. Maybe it will change its mind. Maybe it will someday want to be a Baseball Player Car, or an Electrical Engineer Car. But for now?

For now, Junior Clown Car is the best damned clown I’ve ever met.

[thesunshinenotebook]

Lots of people dream of dating their kpop idols, right? I personally think of them more as my virtual besties. I have, however, dreamed that...

I ran into Taehyung from BTS in a shoe store at the mall

J-Hope from BTS was in my neighbor's yard, right outside my window, for no reason

I worked at some sort of fast food joint with Stray Kids

Hyunjin from Stray Kids and possibly other members (I can't remember who) were for some reason evading the police in a getaway car with me. This may have been the same dream as #3

Felix from Stray Kids was the new manager at the grocery store I work at irl. When I had this dream I was just chilling in bed and didn't realize I was actually falling asleep until it occurred to me that Felix does not, in fact, work with me

I was going to TXT's concert... several states away...in a go kart...with a stranger who vaguely resembled a girl from art class

I was at TXT's concert, but in this weird confetti pit (literally swimming in confetti), and Beomgyu was for some reason in the crowd, and I for some reason gave him a stack of 4x6 photos, which I saw him holding later in the parking lot (why was he in the parking lot? I have no idea)

I was watching some sort of TXT documentary in which three members had solo performance at separate events (I want to say it was Choi line). Beomgyu was playing the piano on a two level stage, and somehow both he and the piano fell from the top level. He got knocked out, but then he woke up and kept singing, then passed out again, then kept singing. Dream me was watching this happen in the documentary and low-key panicking, and then I woke up incredibly confused.

So uhhh... BTS is in all the random places, Stray Kids are minimum wage workers, and Beomgyu should definitely stay away from pianos. I think my subconscious mind needs help.

[girlfriendline]

15 People 15 Questions

ty for the tag @babygirlboberrey 💛

1. are you named after anyone?

no, but i was very almost named after perdita from in 101 dalmations until my dad stepped in and said absolutely not to the pregnancy hormones. ftr my mother maintains to this day it wouldn't have been a bad name. can you imagine. perdy.

2. when was the last time you cried?

within the last week for sure. it's just such a wonderful time of the year.

3. do you have kids?

nope, and that's never going to change. i neither want kids, nor would be a good mother, and i have a hard enough time looking after myself lmao.

4. what sports do you play/have you played?

i used to competitively swim through high school (although not in the way i think that equates to in the us), and i played football (soccer) on and off. the big one was show jumping, i made it all the way up to competing internationally for gbr. i used to wake up and ride at 5am before school and then again after school which, looking back, was quite frankly insane. i took being the weird horse girl Very Seriously.

5. do you use sarcasm?

more than other people probably appreciate.

6. what’s the first thing you notice about people?

i've honestly never considered this before this question but i think maybe clothes??? or colours of clothes? i'm not sure why either, i never remember them.

7. what’s your eye color?

blue ish

8. scary movies or happy endings?

if i'm alone, happy endings. if i'm with a bunch of people, scary movies. i'm a baby. i need emotional support.

9. any talents?

i'm very good at horses. i've never lost anything when i've been drunk. i can type much faster than i should physically be able to considering i use three fingers total. i can water ski (fairly useless tbh). i'm also very good at bringing animals home from the streets (my family would argue this is not a talent but a curse). i can sing, sort of.

10. where were you born?

uk

11. what are your hobbies?

watching hockey. suffering through f1. reading. running. hiking. swimming. playing guitar (badly). apparently lately building my own furniture. rewatching the same three tv shows over and over again. making gifs when the divine inspiration strikes. playing sims. baking.

12. do you have any pets?

four cats: a grumpy ginger and white old aged pensioner called spike (actually. maybe this is just claude giroux in cat form); loulou, who looks way too posh to have come from the streets; mishka, the love of my life my sweet angel baby darling who never does any wrong; and pasha, demon void cat who followed me home 3 months before i moved countries (and wasn't that a headache and a half) and who's probably going to send someone (me) to an early grave.

two dogs: indy, looks exactly like a fox, found her in the desert outside the rescue centre and they refused to take her in. she's my little mountain dog. and alfie, who we rescued 6 months ago, and who is best described as 'imagine there's a velociraptor in your home but the velociraptor is on fire and also your home is on fire and also you are on fire and also'. he's majority german shorthaired pointer. iykyk.

13. how tall are you?

between 5'8 and 5'9

14. favorite subject in school?

i used to love maths because it required a lot less brain power and subjective answers than everything else. in uni, my forensic science classes, or the only enjoyable thing from my first time round at uni, some fake ass course to build up credits called 'the universe as an art' which consisted of going outside to look at the stars and writing a poem about the moon.

15. dream job.

training horses. which sort of was my job that i had to give up when i moved here :)

i think a lot of people have already been tagged but @yabagofmilfs @amandaleveille @girldewar @tblueger @masonshaws @babygirlspurgeon

[rphelperblog]

Hayley Marshall Kenner Quote RP Meme

inspired by @badasshybridqueen​ @paststories​

I'd rather rip your mother's head off.“

“Why are you trying to fix your family when it’s clear so much of it is broken.”

You are all class.“

Oh, I still think you're a bitch. I've just grown to like that about you.”

Remind me to annihilate your brother once you're healthy.“

You want to help me? Help my people.“

All knocked up and nowhere to go.“

"Make art. Use your voice. Have adventures. And have at least one totally epic love. And be every bit of yourself."

“Who the hell are you?”

“I love you. I always have loved you.”

“i’m here as a mom.”

“He died loving me despite it.”

“I realized I wasn’t just protecting myself.”

“Everything I do is for her.”

“Too bad, i forgive you.”

“That’s what family does, we fight for eachother.”

“I never knew that I could love something so much. It’s scary like it migt kill me.”

“If i died and someone through a part, I would be so pissed.”

“Want to say that again and see what happened?”

“Just tell me who you want me to kill.”

“Or maybe I stopped running.”

“She can go home.”

“In your paranoid mind, no one can be trusted.”

“Don’t you get it. your the threat.”

“Let me check his calender- wait, not his wife.”

“I have claws.”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,”

“Fight back.”

“I will make them suffer for this.”

“But you will be forgotten.”

“I feel like we are connected somehow.”

“You guys done? This mucho stuff is cute and all but don’t make me come kick both your asses.”

“Ew, no never.”

"And I want to make you a promise, three things that you will have that I never did. A safe home, someone to tell you that they love you every single day, and someone to fight for you no matter what."

I'm sorry that it takes me being in danger for you to even talk to me.“

Just for once, would you please trust me that I say I will do something and it will get done?“

“you want more?”

“my pleasure.”

“I have tried to play nice. But the last month of pregnancy is all hormones and mood swings. so unless you want me to snap your arm like a twig, I suggest that you tell me what is going on.”

Hey there, witch bitch.“

“I know you were just using me as a way of saving your people, but try it again and I will kill you.”

You will not take my baby. I will kill all of you.”

Have I mentioned that I've had a rotten couple of months?“

Well, every good story needs a wicked witch. It'll be all the more satisfying when we melt her.“

"And you have hit your complaint quota for the day. Congrats, ou Are officially the worst."

"I want you to know that I didn't marry you for all of those people. I married you for me."

Awesome. Then we can do that thing where you lock me in the tower, I escape, there's drama, and then you two both realize that I'm capable of taking care of myself.”

They want a seat at the table, and if they don't get one, I can guarantee that you'll all regret it.“

If we can't all learn to get along, if our families can't create some sort of community, then what's the point? Kill each other and get it over with.“

Over the years I've had my share of friends, enemies, lovers, losses and triumphs. With time they all begin to run together. But you will find the real moments are vibrant. The rest just fades away. Your pain will fade.“

I saw the way you looked at me before and the way you look at me now. I was a mother, now I'm a monster. Things are different now. You can't tell me that they're not.“

I'm gonna go find our daughter.”

So you're having weird, retro sex dreams. Get over it. I'm staying.”

You will not believe the crap day that I'm having.”

[besakuya]

✮ ／ SOME KIND OF IDOL TWICE REMOVED. ↳ with @beseonghan.

the cafe had blessedly been mostly empty so far aside from one of his regulars, an elderly woman who always aggressively waved him off whenever he attempted to help her after her order. it gave him freedom to move from behind the counter and relax a bit after the hours started to drag on. so once he had seen seonghan arrive at his usual time, he only urged him to sit down so he could quickly whip up his typical order. in no time at all, sakuya is casually waltzing over to the table that he had mentally started to call seonghan's. he had a sort of set pattern, sakuya realized. he came at the same time, ordered the same thing, and sat at the same table—while also working on something. something course-work related, if sakuya had to guess.

this routine made it easy for sakuya to weasel his way into some sort of odd friendship with seonghan. sakuya followed his own sort of pattern every time: take seonghan's order, ask a question, and possibly if it's a good day, a follow-up question, and then hand over the order when finished. he found that it was a pretty decent, steady routine that was easy to commit to. eventually it must have accumulated him enough good karma, or whatever, to where now he could do things like this without worry of being a nuisance.

"as usual, this is hot as hell, so i'm obligated to tell you "be careful" and all that jazz but my paycheck isn't nearly enough to make me stop you from doing whatever you want, so..." sakyua tells him, yet still places the cup down carefully in front of seonghan, ever mindful of the color-coordinated notes that he was diligently working on. he envied the organized way everything was laid out, almost meticulously. it was as if seonghan had all of his thoughts, his life, prepared and set up to the letter.

"i don't know how you do it," he mumbles, absently shoving his hands in the pockets of his apron, a small frown on his face as he eyes the oddly pleasing looking array of colored tabs. "hyung, can i, like, pay you to take my notes for my media study class? pretty sure you made it some sort of... weird art form that i'm never gonna master."

over the time he's gotten to know what little he did about seonghan, he had been relatively easy to talk to, friendly in a way that sakuya tended to gravitate towards. it's also why he feels confident enough to try to share more then he typically would on even his best days.

"sooo," he starts ever so eloquently, hovering almost like a nervous child waiting to be acknowledged. he could probably sit down, but the last thing he needed was for someone to say he was actually slacking off. besides, he had a bit of restless energy that just would not go away. "did you hear about the dream wave auditions being held? a few of my classmates were talking about it this morning." it was sort of a conversation he usually wouldn't hold with anyone other then maybe his sister or his mother, but just saying it out loud was already helping him have a feel for what he might have wanted. which was still far more complex then he'd even like to consider right now. "i was thinking of trying out for the first round and seeing what happens. i, uh... i've been in the industry before, so i think i have a fair shot. could you see me as a k-pop idol?" he gives a smile as he asked, just the edge of playful when he does so.

he doesn't know why he says it. honestly, it wasn't even something he was fully committed to just yet. there was a large, gaping hole that needed to be filled inside of him and... in this twisted way, telling seonghan was almost like some kind of validation. that someone else really knows and that makes it all the more real. honestly, it was fucking terrifying.

[eugenoid]

Just got tagged in a game by @happy-mokka and felt like doing it right away

1. Were you named after anyone?

Yeah kind of

2. When was the last time you cried?

Literally just now because my father was rude

3. Do you have kids?

No, and I don't want to have them

4. What sports do you play/have you played?

None. Unless you count yoga I did in high school for a while I guess. Hopefully I'll pick up a sport some time in the future, or at least some sort of physical activity so my body doesn't fall apart too early. My poor back...

5. Do you use sarcasm?

I feel like I do it less often now. These days I prefer healthy irony at expense of nobody. I try to, at least

6. What's the first thing you notice about the people?

Idk. Just faces in general?

7. What's your eye color?

Some sort of weird greenish grey

8. Scary movies or happy endings?

If I had a better stomach for all the scary movies I wanted to watch, I would've picked that. But in reality, probably happy endings.

9. Any talents?

I have perfect pitch. Music teachers loved me. I think I have a good sense of humor too. Won't call my art skills "talent" though, considering how long it's taking me to get better at art

10. Where were you born?

You're not fooling me today, mr federal agent.

11. What are your hobbies?

Videogames I guess. Singing along to music, if that counts. I'm trying to make drawing into a career so that doesn't count as hobby anymore. Does interacting with fandoms count?

12. Do you have any pets?

Yeah, a cat

13. How tall are you?

Average height. Not telling you the exact numbers. Not today, mr federal agent x2

14. Favorite subject in school?

I feel like I didn't have a favorite subject - I hated everything school-related. But I probably preferred the classes where teachers didn't care if I fell asleep to the ones where they yelled at me for it. So sleeping was my favorite subject I guess? I was just really tired all the time, tbh

15. Dream job?

Ah... a marine biologist... specializing on sharks.....

But if we're being more realistic and down to Earth - perhaps any job that's not too demanding and provides me enough to be able to live comfortably and pay my bills

Tagging @someoneyoudontreallyknow @icecreamvi @ignite-art @reitziluz in case you're interested in filling out this questionaire. No pressure though!

[samuraisharkie]

due to Life Shit I kind of stopped drawing much about a year or two after I graduated high school bc I just kind of didn’t have the time or mental/emotional/physical capacity to fit it in, despite art being something I really want to be a part of my career. It kind of makes me sick to realize how much muscle memory I lost just from that time (I had only about a year and a half total of absolutely no art but that was enough. doesn’t help that during that time I seriously injured my hands) considering I’ve been drawing my entire life. I really wish things had not gone that way and that I could have kept going, but expectations were on me to do something else and any time I sat down to draw was treated as wasting time. There’s also something weird about recovering from severe trauma that kind of adjusts how you engage with a hobby you used as a coping mechanism, which Art very much was. I almost never drew vent art, but I used it to focus on something and make myself happy and proud of work I actually could do, and once I was out of the environments that funneled me into drawing (being forced to go to church, school, anything involving sitting down for a long period of time) I found less time to actually have an excuse. Someone bought me a single college course of art classes right out of high school, and I think that was where I COULD have had the opportunity to really get started if I had actually had the money to continue and the college hadn’t been so far away. After that course ended I didn’t have that excuse anymore. I used to draw in DeviantArt and Discord art groups, but those began to fall apart and soon I didn’t have that option either. After that I doodled but didn’t really create Full Pieces unless some friend asked it of me, and it was never a commission bc I’d never trained myself to get that sort of shit done without taking too long, so I’d always do it for free. So even that wasn’t a big motivator eventually. Now that I’m struggling for work after becoming more physically disabled after COVID, all that time I could have spent honing my art skills so I could do SOMETHING with my art really is weighting down on me. I have the option to do freelance work, illustrations, pet commissions, even things like cards and cookies. I’ve seen these avenues open up for me gradually, but I’ve lost the skills I built up that I need to actually make something I’m proud of. I’ve taken to tracing old art to try and remember my thought process and my “style”… but my memory was bad BEFORE the covid, and it’s worse now, and my brain fog makes it hard to focus even if I could get back on the train of thought. I don’t remember the construction that would be in my mind’s eye. I barely can keep a clear vision in my mind’s eye anymore, worryingly. I never had a crystal clear imagination, it was always sort of abstract, but I could see the lines, I could construct a scene. Now I have to focus hard to get any sort of detail clear in my head. It’s like if you tried to look directly into someone’s face in a dream, or put in a prompt in neural blender. So I have to adjust to performing the entire thought process physically, slowly and tediously trying to figure out what I’m imagining before I can really get started. Those old art tutorials for constructing shapes and bodies and such just aren’t coming naturally anymore so I have to dredge deep into my mind to remember which advice helped “click” the best and knowing it might not do it this second time around. It’s like if you forgot how to ride a bike. It was something natural to you, you could even get started haphazardly and distracted and still be able to tell where you were going and not fall over or trip on yourself, but now it’s like you have to focus on each step and it constantly feels like it’s taking everything you have to not crash. I’m glad I can start drawing again, but it hurts that something so huge in my life has been turned into this. I’ve ranted about it before it’s just easier to notice when you’re not sketching out people’s pets or doing super stylized doodles.

[animehouse-moe]

Manga Collection Update #2 (End Of) March 2023 - The 1000 Volume Milestone

"Hey, this isn't your collection, this is a haul!" - people reading this. And those people would be correct, I just thought it'd be cool to save this haul here because it's what got me to 1000 volumes in my collection. Yeah, 1000 volumes of manga, LN, and art books. Really insane stuff when you stop and think about it (I beg you do not think about the retail value of 1000 volumes of manga).

Anyways, the point of me making a collection update post about is to sort of ramble aloud about some questions and preconceptions I had about what a 1000 volume collection would be.

Does It Seem Like A Lot?

When I tried to quantify what 1000 volumes would be, even just last year I wouldn't have thought it would be what I have. A thousand of something seems like an incredible amount that you wouldn't be able to visualize easily. Like shelves going on and on forever almost, but it's not. In total, it's only about three of Ikea's full size Billy shelves (due to space constraints I don't have full sized ones for every shelf). But when you think about that, "Only 3 shelves", 1000 volumes seems almost comical. Even more than that, when you think of listing 1000 volumes (or the series that comprise that number), it makes you think that it's a lot, so much that you wouldn't be able to name them. But when I stop and think about it, I'm pretty comfortable that I'd be able to name 90% or even a bit more of the manga in my collection.

I guess at the end of it, it really feels a lot smaller than the number "1000" makes it seem like it would be. It's all stuff I've read (or am reading), and it's all stories that I can remember to a somewhat decent degree. It's a ridiculous accumulation of money, but at the end of the day it's a hobby, I'd find something else to spend the money on.

Does My Collection Meet My Expectations?

A weird question to phrase, but it's all about whether or not my collection is like what I thought it'd look like at 1000 volumes. And I'd say, yes and no. There's things I figured would be here, but at the same time loads of things that end up missing. I would have swore up and down I'd have Love Is War in my collection by now, but I don't! I would have thought I'd have That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime or Overlord in here as well, or even something like Death Note or maybe Naruto. But they're just not here.

In terms of what is in the collection that I'd never have expected: older shojosei. I didn't think I'd ever have something like Wallflower or Kare Kano in there. Not that I'm not a fan of either, but that they're incredibly rare and typically exist outside of what I pursue. But when they're offered at 5 dollars a volume I'm not gonna say no. Further outside of that is stuff like Sayonara Zetsubou-Sensei or all the NGE side stories. Some of these things cost an arm and a leg so they were pipe dreams for me, but stars have aligned for more than a few moments in my time collecting, and allowed me to have a shot at them.

It's hard to say what's in my collection that I would have thought odd, because I don't have any sort of hindsight on that and I think they're all perfectly normal and interesting now. Like Heterogenia Linguistico, a series about a linguist wandering a world full of different types of species with different forms of communication. Or Himouto Umaru-Chan, a peculiar slice of life about the unseen side of the class princess as she nerds out at home with her older brother. There's a lot of things that I probably didn't expect when I was beginning, but now they feel perfectly normal.

What's My Favorite Thing Out Of All 1000 Volumes?

Wow, what a loaded question me! Well, a bit of a boring but also somewhat uncomfortable answer is my Berserk Deluxe Volume 1 (which I'm still yet to continue collecting). I bought it slightly after my birthday, the day that Kentaro Miura died, which coincided with my great-grandmother's death. As many people receive from grandparents, I was given a card with some crisp bills inside, and was told to "spend it on whatever I liked, don't listen to your parents". I was undecided for a few days on just what I should get with it, a full set of Hunter x Hunter that I found used online, or a Berserk Deluxe edition? As it happened, Fate ended up choosing the latter for me. It's also part of why I've been apprehensive/slow about continuing to collect those deluxe editions. Right now it's 1 of 1 in my collection, something that stands out, but if I put it beside a bunch of other volumes that look almost the same I feel like it'd lose the value and sentiment it holds for me.

Where To Next?

I'm someone that always chases goals, I never really revel in my achievements or milestones. When I completed my degree and got it in the mail, I just sorta smiled before tucking it away neatly. There's never been anything that I've basked in. With my collection though, I feel slightly different. I want to show it off a little, I want to excitedly share it with my friends and swap notes and compare collections. It's not that I didn't choose most if not all of what I've done in my life, but this is something else. It's a part of my adult life, something that I'll carry forward with me, rather than it being done. You can only go so far with other aspects, only climb a corporate ladder so high, only go so far with post-secondary education. So maybe more than the elation of reaching so high, it's the excitement at the fact that I have so much more left to go.

[procrastinova]

art summary 2022 vs art summary 2023

individual 2023 artworks below (plus some thoughts on them because why not. Said thoughts will include me critiquing some of the pieces, especially the ones from earlier in the year.)

also here's a link to all the artworks from my 2022 one if anyone wants to see them

JANUARY - Art piece i did right before For the Future aired of Luz and the rest of the hexsquad having a much-needed group hug. I didn't really look at any references for this one (apart from for the character's designs) so the poses look really awkward and stiff tbh 😭. That being said, I'm still glad I gave it a shot, and it looks a lot better than the one I did before Thanks to Them's release, since I was more used to drawing the characters.

I'm not going to go too much into some of the... questionable... anatomy choices I made, since they aren't exclusive to this artwork in particular, nor is this the worst example of them (*cough cough* my old King's Tide screenshot redraw).

Overall I think this is an okay art piece. Definitely could have been improved by actually using references for the pose though.

FEBRUARY - This one is actually another redraw of a REALLY old piece I drew in 2021. With my finger. Not a good combination to say the least. This one is miles better especially in terms of anatomy, facial expressions and composition.

That's not to say that it's without it's flaws. I do think that lining up Betty and Amber's poses better would have improved the overall look of the piece. Another thing that I did end up changing a little while after I drew this was removing the shine from the black parts of the mirror to make it look like it was actually cracked, which I didn't do in the original version (that one's on my scratch account if you want to see it). It's a subtle difference, but I think it makes the piece look a lot better.

Again, I think this is an okay piece overall. Looks like the mona lisa compared to the 2021 version, but honestly I think anything would.

MARCH - Yet another Owl House artwork (bet u guys cant guess what my favourite tv show is). This one I created for a zine which I was working on for my multimedia class (this artwork in particular was supposed to be an advertisement for the finale). You can kinda tell I still wasn't that confident in drawing King, since his pose is pretty stiff (I don't think I ever really got used to drawing him tbh).

I do think this piece would have benefited from some more shading and lighting that wasn't the singular multiply layer I placed over the characters then erased some parts of. (There is some other shading but there's no other lighting).

Most of the other issues I have with this pieces are just issues I have with my old art in general so I'll leave it there.

APRIL - This is the last Owl House artwork I promise. I made this one for Zeez Vov Gee 2's watching and dreaming art contest. I actually do still quite like this one, which might partly be to do with the fact that I really like all of the character's timeskip designs, but whatever.

Some of the proportions on the hands are a bit weird, and I REALLY wish I put the shading on the lineart as well, considering how light of a colour it is.

One thing I do really like which I didn't notice while I was drawing it, is the pose Luz and Amity are in forms a sort of heart shape, which is really adorable akdjfhskhdf ;w;

Anyway, overall a pretty good piece, might remake it later. Who knows 👀

MAY - as you may immediately be able to tell, I did not make that much art in May (I might've had a few tests on at the time. Or I was just lazy). This one is actually OC art for once (wow shocking never seen before).

It's kinda just a doodle/a more doodley art piece, but it's pretty alright. I actually really like the pose that Robyn (the OC in the drawing) is in. This is also kinda the first time I drew their design, so yeah. The background isn't great, but I can't really expect that much from a doodle -v-

overall, pretty decent doodle. (for anyone wondering if I'll ever post more about Robyn... maybe? I'm mainly using their story for writing practice, but I think I posted something from it on here)

JUNE - June was literally the polar opposite of May. I'm not kidding, there were like 3 artworks that I was debating putting for June (this one, some deltarune fanart and a TOH screenshot redraw). I eventually went with this one because HOLY CRAP am I proud of that background.

This one was really heavily influenced by cartoon backgrounds (in particular ones from Gravity Falls and Hilda), and while I do think there are a few things that could be improved (like some of the trees), this was the first time in a while that i'd tried drawing a background that wasn't grass and a couple of trees (and i think the first time ever that i'd done something this complex).

I think another reason that this one turned out so good is that it was a birthday card for a friend. And if there is anything that I am constantly trying to do better at every time I redraw it, it's birthday cards (probably bc they're for my friends, love you guys sm /p).

anyways, overall a really good piece, 11/10 background.

JULY - behold... the first artwork I posted on Tumblr! I drew this shortly after seeing Across the Spiderverse in cinemas (which I have to say was one of the greatest experiences of my life).

I wanted to mess around with lineless art a bit on this one, as well as sort of try to give it a watercolour feel like earth-65. And I gotta say, I think it turned out pretty good. Though I did spend a good 15 minutes looking for references because ATSV wasn't out digitally yet ;w;

overall, I like this piece, I tried something new and I made fanart for the greatest movie of all time (in my opinion)

AUGUST - I don't think I drew nearly enough Omori fanart when I was super into the game, so I'm making up for it now. I wanted to redraw one of my favourite photos from the photo album for this one.

I probably could have put a bit more detail into the background for this one, but I really like the warm lighting, and the dappled light effect that I used for the characters. The lineart is also a bit sketchy, but I was (and sort of still am) in the process of figuring out how I actually want my lineart to look.

overall, I really like this one, nice colours, nice lighting, has the omori characters being happy in it :]

SEPTEMBER - like in May, I didn't get as much Art Stuff TM done, so it's just a doodle of some of my OCS (except this time it's Copper, Lapis and Peg, who I have posted about before).

I kinda just wanted to draw something cozy, so I didn't put too much effort into the background and stuff. One thing I will say, is that I wish I drew them looking a bit older, since they are all 16-17 lol.

overall, this one's ok. Could be better, but it's just a doodle.

OCTOBER - ohohohohoho we are SO back. Yet another birthday card. I love the perspective and poses on this one (because, you guessed it, I used references for them). Everything about this artwork was really fun to draw (especially the characters).

Overall, really good artwork, 11/10

NOVEMBER - redraw of an artwork from 2021 part 2: electric boogaloo. I remember being so proud of the original artwork, so I wanted to make this one an artwork I was proud of too (which was a success).

One of the main things I wanted to do for this one was to actually draw a background, instead of getting one off google. The one I drew was simple, but I think it really works, because I wanted the focus to be on the character, not the background. I also added some slight perspective to the drawing to make it look a bit more interesting.

Overall, amazing, especially compared to the original

DECEMBER - and finally... December's artwork! Aka my banner. I wanted to do something kinda simple for this, because I'm probably going to redraw it or make a new one later. I really like the contrast between the colours in the foreground (which is supposed to be inside a train, but it's kinda hard to tell), and the background.

Also something I've started doing for a few artworks is making a duplicate of the artwork, blurring it slightly and lowering the opacity, which makes it look a lot more visually interesting :0

overall, love this one, good artwork to end the year off with :] (i'll prolly still draw more stuff tho)

(fun fact - I was going to put the redraw I did of the 'get in loser we're going shopping' scene with the characters from TMC for December because it's the highest quality meme i've ever made but it looked weird next to the other ones bc it was in black and white 😭)

[feybeasts]

Look, it's late and I don't know what it is I can say or if I should say anything at all, but it's one of those nights where I feel like there's a lot swimming in my head and mucking up the whole show so...

I want to say thank you. For accepting me as I am, warts and all.

(Woe, lengthy rambling on my history to follow)

Look, I'm not part of some like- magical old internet old guard. I haven't been doing- or rather- sharing- art for that long. I really only started out a couple years ago, and before that all I really did were doodles, class assignments before I stopped doing any sort of art for a few years when I lost a close family member. Before I really started... getting into the furry scene, being open with who I was and who I am, I was a confused, scared little people-pleaser who would bend over backwards to please folks, to feel like I was part of something not by my own merits, but by virtue of having people to fill the silence- no matter who they were.

Can't tell you how often that hurt me- not a way of living I'd recommend anyone.

Anywho. On a whim, I started doing art again a couple years back, when I first started posting to twitter, and it was through that I started to become a part of the community, as it were- I wrote, then I drew, and I kept drawing. Kink stuff, mostly, because well, that was what I wanted to draw. But I found a community, friends, people who liked me not just because I gave them something, but because I was being myself, a person who, yeah, was a niche member of a niche group in the wide world of internet subcultures, but these were folks who saw me, the unvarnished, not-putting-on-an-act-for-once me and they... liked them.

This was also around the time I really started to address some ooooold traumas through therapy, so needless to say, it was a hell of a time. Anyways.

I can't really describe how much... just, learning I did these last few years. Learning who I was, learning what made me tick. Coming to terms with being ace and that being acceptable, then with being nonbinary, what definition of "me" felt comfortable, felt right when for so long I had neglected even... having a sense of self, hating the idea of thinking about "me" and not my characters or my stories. And all through it, I had friends who were there for me, who didn't simply tolerate, but encouraged through thick and through thin- through them, I learned that the best possible me I can really present to the world is just... me as I am. All my strange contradictions, all my weird little quirks, all my arcane trivia and hungry world-building and little fantasies and dreams and just... all of it.

Goodness knows I'm not perfect. I'm someone who frequently speaks without thinking, acts without speaking, who only sorta grasps decorum and how to at least present a... veneer? of neurotypicality (is that a word? I think it's a word?)- I'm sometimes blunt to a fault, sarcastic to a greater one, and I have a pretty low tolerance for things that emotionally exhaust me- I also don't know or really care to organize a blog so, y'know, my bad there.

But I hope y'all understand that I present myself as I am, as a person who spouts frequent 1 am non sequiturs, a person often hyper-focused on weird little niches, as a kink artist who frequently isn't, simply because... that's the only way I know how to present myself anymore. This is my truth, and to live any other way is just... baffling to me. I know people will do things in some ways, will cut the more... saucy...? elements out of their main account to spirit away on some sideblog, but I present everything as part of one big, messy whole not because I'm trying to deviously foist my interests on others, or... I dunno, deceive people- but because I don't want to live with a mask, pretend I'm something I'm not.

I tag art that isn't to everyone's tastes as best I can, try to respect folks' own comforts and not... muddy the waters(?) so to speak, because I'm fully aware that not everything I do is for a general audience. Hell, it's a big part of why I don't take requests or anything like that, and only depict my own OCs- I know what it's like to be forced into uncomfortable positions by someone not respecting my boundaries, and I think I'd be mortified if I did that!

And sure, part of me wants to justify how I interact with kink art- that I feel it's an avenue to explore my own wants, my own body goals, my own comfort, that, as someone not really... comfortable with a lot of physical affection it's a pretty personal exploration at that, but... at the same time I feel like- well, I leave people alone, why would I need to justify what I choose to share on my own blog? Hell, if you're looking for saucy, I'm sorry to say my art ain't it! I wouldn't know "sexually charged" if it hit me with a fish!

But I think that's broadly beside the point. I guess all this is to say... I'm acutely aware and frequently self-conscious about where I sit in the wider world, that someone out there might get the wrong idea, that I'm interested in anything but continuing to explore my own, odd little brain as I've been doing these past few years with the encouragement of some amazing friends, but broadly speaking, Tumblr and the community here have been awfully welcoming and kind, and I'm just... grateful for that.

I know the internet as a whole can be a really ugly place, an increasingly-corporate algorithmic hellhole, so when there's small bits of good in it, genuinely kind people out there, I feel like I gotta point to it and go "oh hell yes, more of this please!"

So... I'm gonna do that. Thank you all for being the strange, wonderful community you are <3

[powkaboomslash]

A DREAM I HAD warning very long

i had a dream where one of my friends got like an injury involving the forehead and jaw, but for some reason I was the one to get sent to the hospital? and i hated it, there was some weird device attached to my ear and every now and then it would play a loud beep and it really made me angry and mad, and they also implanted some sort of like metal invisalign (idk the name for it) on my lower jaw? and it was hard for me to talk since it made my talking super muffled. i also turned into Ukrainian countryball for whatever reason. i took a nap in the hospital bed which looked a lot like the bed in my room that i sleep on, and then when i woke up there was a person holding the door open, he looked a lot like Jax from tadc. there was also someone else there but i forgot what he looked like. each of them said something to me like "its time to go!" and i told each of them to repeat what they said for whatever reason and they did, so they took me to this big mall lobby thing of some sort, i was walking around and talking to the professionals and then Caine from tadc put his hand on my head and was doing something to me and i didnt know what, i kept turning my head and looking at him like "bro what are you doing ☠️" and i think he took the device off my ear. then i went to school and we were assigned some special after-school classes and i was in the room where we would get called when we were ready to go to our classes, and the class I was in was all 8th grade girls (right now I identify as transmasculine but i counted myself as one of the 'girls' since I look like one) and i was confused so i looked all around the room and saw that there were no more 8th grade girls so i said "oh it must be my class now!" i signed up for some Five Nights at Freddy's thing bro idk ☠️ and I was walking down the school hallway which looked a little different from the school hallway im used to, i also saw some people sitting outside their classes and had some cool LED light things, and the hallways were dark so the LED lights looked really cool, and i also saw some of the 8th grade girls walking to the class im going to, and i finally arrived at the art class thingy. it was my art Room. but we didnt do any art at all instead we were given worksheets about 4 dreams i had (still in my dream btw) and one of them was the previous dream i had where i mistakenly got sent to the hospital and Caine touched me, and the worksheet said stuff that was VERY similar but not fully to my dream, i cant remember what it said but it did say something like "The burger ringmaster" and like yeah i saw a ringmaster but it was a teeth guy not a burger ☠️ and then i got kinda lost during the assignment and we were talking about another one of the 4 dreams we had, which i DIDNT have, and during the assignment while the teacher was talking my mind teleported me to this weird highway thingy, i could see mountains in the background and the highway had REALLY high metal fences and stuff, and i like was flung into the air, saw something like a tire, maybe I was the tire idk, and i looked down and saw one of those ruffle PFP mask thingies, and bounced off that and felt really weird, and after that i saw another PFP mask one except it was the blurry thingy, it also had something blue and a little bit of purple in it but i couldnt remember what it was, and i bounced off that too and after that i cant remember anything else. so uhhh wow what a dream