#i figure no one will judge me cause... well anyone reading this literally uses tumblr

[sarosthewizarddude]

I tell people I was 'never really on the internet as a kid' which is a lie I just don't want to explain I used Scratch and played Warriors fangames before ever reading Warriors and made an animated series of my furry OCs and I was on the Gaehive (which is like a pg-7 Discord server for gay people who don't have real social media) and my old terrible voice acting is still sitting somewhere in the depths of several peoples' original series

[polar534]

Slumber Party... OF DOOM!

So. Here is my submission for @johnnysfire ‘s TOH Prompt challenge. For anyone who doesn’t know the prompt chosen was “Evil.”

I asked my lovely friends from discord whether I should go emotional or lighthearted with this and they said lighthearted, so here we are. It was actually really really fun to take a topic like evil and twist it to something fun and hopefully fluffy. I had to keep a lot of things shorter then what I would’ve liked to meet the word count (spoiler alert, I still went a little over), so one day I do plan on fixing this up and making it an actual one shot, detailing the game and everything. Until then, enjoy the read! My idea going in? 

Haunted Boardgame:

(EDIT: Um so Tumblr ate and spat out some paragraphs at random the first time I posted... so hopefully everything is in its correct order. Yikes.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Pillows?" 

"Check."

"Blankets."

"Check!"

"Hot chocolate?"

3 sets of eyes turned to the green-haired witch sitting in the corner. Amity Blight was currently too busy staring at the glow that inexplicably seemed to surround Luz as she sounded off the ingredients for her perfect 'Slumber Party' to notice her companions all staring at her.

"..."

Amity's eyes shifted only slightly to the left as her ear twitched, finally noticing the silence and the fact that everyone was staring at her.

Wait.

Everyone was staring at her.

"Oh um..." Amity looked around panicked, flushing red as she realized she had completely zoned out. She quickly analyzed the scene. Willow had wrapped a fluffy blanket around herself as Gus clutched a pillow excitedly to his chest.

Right. The checklist. Refusing to look at Luz (to avoid any further embarrassment or lapses in attention), Amity quickly reached out and snatched her sound-off item. Only barely remembering what it was at the last moment, Amity somehow saved herself from the splash of scalding liquid that flew out of her mug.

"Hot chocolate, acquired!" She grinned forcibly and altogether too nervously.

Finally risking a glance up to her crush she realized that Luz was giggling, the human's eyes closed as she snicked softly against her hands.

Amity's ears pressed flat against her head as Willow chuckled to her left.

"Well that would be Amity for 'check.'" The plant witch giggled, shifting her body to face Luz excitedly. "So. What happens now?"

"Yes, what new human traditions are you going to show us? I'm so excited!!" Gus squeaked happily, crushing the pillow in arms.

Luz grinned. "Just a little more patience my friend. We've got to start this off correctly. So… if everyone would grab their cocoa, probably a little more gentler then Amity over there, then I'll begin the toast to make this the best slumber party ev-"

THUMP THUMP

Luz stopped short as all those in attendance whipped around to face the door. Amity was finally able to unhunch her shoulders and stare with the rest of her friends at the mysterious knock at the door. The human was inquisitive herself.

"Luz, I thought you said there was supposed to be no one home tonight?" Amity questioned her curiously, cocking her head slightly to the side.

Luz's brow furrowed as she got up.

"There isn't anyone home tonight."

The entire room seemed to hold it's breath as Luz approached the door and pausing for what had to be dramatic effect, opened it sharply.

"HAH! GOT YOU… absolutely nothing…"

Amity peered around Luz's body to see exactly what was going on only to be met with the same sight and disappointment. An empty hallway.

Glancing both ways in the doorframe, the human shrugged nonchalantly as she went to close the door.

"Wait!" Gus cried from behind all of them. Flinging the pillow away from him and into Willow's stomach, he jumped up and dived underneath Luz to swipe something up from the ground.

Holding it proudly over his head both him and Luz marched back into the room, the bedroom door closing softly behind them. Willow and Amity leaned in close as Gus dropped the mysterious object to the ground with a soft and dramatic thump.

"What… is it?" Willow asked curiously, inspecting what looked to be a black rectangular box that lay before them.

"Is this part of the slumber party?" Gus asked curiously as Luz picked up the box and gave it a small shake.

"Not that I'm aware of. Let's open it!" The human said excitably, turning the box over to rip it open.

"Wait!" Amity yelped, grabbing Luz by the arm to stop her. Realizing what she was doing, Amity immediately dropped the contact, blushing profusely as she pointed to a small piece of paper that had fluttered to the ground.

"A note!!" Luz's eyes twinkled, causing the blushing witch to somehow go even redder. "Amity, you should read it for us!"

"What?!" Amity choked in surprise. "Why me?!"

"You found it! Besides you have a nice voice!" Luz explained casually, shaking the box slightly and holding it up to her ear.

Amity found it difficult to breathe as she shakily grabbed the note and held it in front of her, Willow and Gus scooting forward in excitement. Trying to ignore the thundering of her heartbeat in her chest and the full attention of the room, Amity glanced down at the note.

"Dear Sleeping Party attendants! You have been called upon to vanquish the evil from within this board! Inside you'll find what seems to be a normal board game, but is actually a prison for a very powerful and evil spirit! The only way to keep it's villainy contained is to play and win the game. The world is counting on you. Good luck! Mwehehehehehe."

Amity frowned and reread the note to herself. The world? That seemed farfetched to say the least. Where did this box even come from? Who sent it to them? Looking up Amity saw the stars dancing in Luz's eyes. Her crush was sold. Gus was practically buzzing beside her.

"I've heard of objects that could be bound with spirits before, but never like this!" He babbled excitedly.

"I have! You know how many human stories are filled with things like this? How long I've been wanting to do this?!" Luz grinned, finally figuring out how to open the box.

As the top lid slid off, a cheap and busted old board fell to the ground with a cloud of dust. Flipping the box over, a pile of cards, dice and one rather large hour glass spilled out as Luz gave it one final shake. Willow automatically went to organize everything and flipping the board over Amity saw a long and complicated maze pattern. The entire board seemed to be black, with the path cutting along through it a dull, brownish red. It seemed like each square had one of 3 icons sprinkled randomly throughout. In the very, very center of the board there was some sort of design. Amity reached forward and brushed the dust and dirt away from it as Luz and Gus talked excitedly above her.

The chatter quickly faded as everyone's eyes slid to the symbol that Amity had just uncovered. It was carved into the board itself, the deep grooves of the design painted in a faded and chipped white. Luz stared curiously while Gus, Willow and Amity all exchanged a concerned look. The design was simple, a small circle, with 4 tight loops surrounding it in all 4 cardinal directions, connecting in a diamond pattern in the very center of the circle.

The Witch's Knot.

Luz looked up at the plant witch curiously, one eyebrow raised as Amity swallowed the lump that was quickly growing in her throat.

"Oooh. That's elegant." Luz cooed.

"It's not elegant Luz…" Willow breathed quietly.

"That's," Amity pointed at the symbol, "a witch's knot. It's a symbol used to ward off evil."

Luz turned her head down to the board game and nodded. "Oh I get it, because of the evviiiilll theme this game has going on right?" She chuckled lightheartedly. When no one responded in kind, the human became quiet, her grin slowly slipping off her face.

"No. You don't understand. The Witch's Knot isn't just some superstition or tradition. In the Boiling Isles it had been used as a spell, carved to literally seal away evil. It hasn't been used in centuries though." Amity explained further, staring at the ancient white symbol. A cold feeling crept up her back.

Maybe there really was something to this game.

"Well, that makes what I'm about to say next, something that I have wanted to say forever by the way, a little more somber…" Luz gulped as she grabbed the dice Willow had set aside. The human tossed them into the air, and as they all watched the cubes crash down, she spoke again.

"Let the game… begin."

***

Despite the incredibly dramatic and powerful gesture, Luz had no idea how to play the game, none of them did. Luckily for the companions, Willow eventually found the directions taped to the inside lid of the box Luz had tossed aside. They were scribbled out in child-like handwriting but they were detailed enough to understand:

- Rolling the dice will move your character that many steps forward. On the board there are 3 different symbols. These represent your obstacles, fail to complete them and you lose your life. The only way to reverse this death is for a living player to revive you by taking a detour off the fastest route. Be warned, choosing this path will waste precious time and you will be risking your own life. You may only revive one player per game.

- Each player must choose a small token to represent themselves on the board. You will work together with those around you to overcome each obstacle in your path to the sigil. The goal is to reach the end with at least one player still standing to revive the The Witch's Knot protecting us from the evil.

- You may not begin the game until you have flipped the hour glass. If the last grain drains from the timer and you have not reached the end, evil will be unleashed.

-The Board itself is enchanted to tell if the players are worthy. It will be the judge and jury for the challenges you complete.

[ ~ ] Draw a blue card and cast the correct type of magic listed on it at the board. If you fail to cast the correct spell you lose your life.

Below are the symbols you will encounter on your quest:

[ + ] Draw a pink card and complete the challenge listed upon it. If you fail to meet this challenge you lose your life.

[ * ] Draw a green card. Answer the question on it correctly to move forward. If you get it wrong you lose your life.

Now having read through the rules, everyone seemed a lot more hesitant to start.

- When your token reaches the end, the correct lines to reseal the evil will appear. Read them aloud in a strong and clear voice.

"This seems like a bad idea." Amity echoed the thoughts of everyone in the room. Her amber eyes flicked up and caught Luz's warm brown ones. The human gave her a shaky smile.

"Come on Ami," Amity had to remind herself to keep breathing at the idea of her nickname. "It will be fun. Besides… I'm not exactly itching to find out what happens if we don't play." The human admitted quietly. Taking a deep breath, she grabbed the dice.

They had all chose board pieces to represent themselves from Luz's large collection of knickknacks. Luz was a small figure of Azura while Amity was Hecate. Gus found himself a tiny rubber chameleon toy while Willow fittingly found a small plastic flower. Each kid seemed to fidget with their tokens as Luz looked at them each in turn. Nodding, the human set her figure down on the start square. Immediately a buzzing sound filled the room and the dull red path illuminated itself. The symbols now glowed their respective card color.

"Well. That seems ominous." Luz laughed nervously, her eyes growing wide as the light from the path traveled towards the Witch's Knot, as it reached the chipped white paint, the symbol flashed, changing it's paint to a bright angry red. "Scratch that. That is just ominous. Is my soul about to be consumed? Did I just sell my soul to a board game?"

Willow set her piece down next, a small ring of light forming around it as the board recognized yet another player.

"Well, I wasn't really using my soul for anything important at the moment. Let's do this." The plant witch grinned and Amity watched as Luz's confidence swiftly returned.

Gus whooped and set his own piece on the board earning him a wide smile from both of his friends. Soon all sets of eyes drifted to Amity who was staring down at the note that had been originally taped to the box. She couldn't shake the horrible suspicion that someone was setting them up. Looking down at the now glowing and obviously magic board, it was clear they were already too far into the trap to back out now. Taking a deep breath she placed Hecate down right next to Azura.

"Alright. Let's do this." Amity nodded, swiftly grabbing the hour glass sitting next to her. "Is uh, everyone ready?"

"Oooh! Can I say it? Amity pleaaaseeee?" Luz jumped in suddenly, startling the green-haired witch into nearly dropping the time piece. Resetting her heartbeat, Amity handed the hourglass to Luz who grinned widely.

"Alright. This time for real. Let the game begin." The human announced as she flipped it and begun their countdown.

The dice magically floated over to Luz as soon as the first grain of sand hit the bottom of the glass. It was clear who was going first. Tossing them out in front of her Luz rolled a 3 and 5. As she reached to move her figure, it zoomed away from her hand, darting forward 8 spaces by itself. The symbol beneath it glowed a bright pink. A challenge space.

Luz grabbed a card, and the race against time began.

Gus was the first to die, his token being swallowed by the board itself after he lost his balance 2 seconds into a 5 second handstand.

Amity was the next to lose to the game. Her concentration on a fireball spell having been completely shattered by Luz's supportive hand laying on her shoulder. Amity knew it wasn't her simply being startled like Luz apologized profusely for, but there was NO way she would be explaining that today. Not over a stupid board game at least. Fate of the world or not.  

Luz and Willow were about 3/4th through the path leading to the sigil when just a few spaces ahead the path split in two. Written in very faint lettering was the words: "Forest of Revival" by the detour path. Looking down it, the companions saw every single square through the 'forest' was lined with knowledge cards. The path itself eventually weaved back to the sigil, but was easily twice as long and packed with symbols.

If they wanted to revive someone it would be a struggle. Deciding to move forward Willow rolled her dice and landed on a spell square.

"Summon a small abomination to pick up your token off the board."

The group fell silent. Willow had never been good at abominations. She slumped in defeat.

Amity had to speak up, the painful memory of her teasing hanging over the entire room.

"You've got this." She said quietly, looking anywhere but Willow.

Luz's eyes flicked worriedly towards Amity, before they turned back to Willow.

"Amity's right. I've seen you do much cooler then a little abomination." Luz cheered helpfully.

"Thanks you two, but I think we both know what happens now." Willow admitted holding a hand up and drawing a pristine circle.

The resulting pile of barely sentient goop unsurprisingly earned a negative reaction from the board and Willow's token disappeared.

Luz wasted no time grabbing the dice for the next turn. They only had about 20 minutes left.

"I'm going to revive someone." She announced, rolling the dice and moving her token into the empty space before the forest.

"Wait, Luz! The forest is full of knowledge checks. Chances are you're going to get something you haven't learned yet. And we won't be able to help you." Amity spoke up quickly.

"Yeah, well you can't really help me if you all are dead right? Look. I'll be fine. There's 12 spaces to the revive square. If I roll double sixes, I'm there."

"That's a pretty big IF Luz..." Willow said worriedly, glancing over at the hourglass.

Turns out they didn't have to be worried at all. As double sixes appeared on the dice, Azura shot forward safely through the forest and landed directly on the revive square.

"I'm reviving Amity." Luz announced decisively as the square began to glow a bright yellow and Hecate appeared beside Azura.

"Me? Why?"

"Because statistically you are the most obvious choice. Top Student and well versed in multiple different magic tracks." Gus nodded, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Good choice Luz!"

Willow merely looked away in shame and Amity felt guilt twist at her heart.

"Well that's not exactly true, but I figure since all of us are always getting up to magic mischief that Amity should get to be a bigger part of this adventure. Plus, historically we have made a pretty good team." Luz beamed, somehow melting the tension of the entire room with her words.

She practically melted Amity face too as heat rushed to the witch’s cheeks at the compliment.

They resumed the game, getting further and further through the forest. As the sand ran down in the hour glass, Hecate and Azura inched closer towards the sigil and the evil within the board.

"1234...5...6... and 7. Nice! Just enough!!" Luz counted excitedly as the board moved her token into the final square before the Witch's Knot. She glanced worriedly at Amity who was still several spaces away and then at the hour glass with just a sliver of sand left.

They were running out of time.

Luckily the board seemed to recognize Luz's finish as a team victory and Hecate was pulled straight to the end, standing alongside her friend/rival Azura.

Two white cards appeared in front of Luz and Amity.

"Ok. So... now we just read whatever's on this card and the evil gets re-sealed?" Luz asked uncertainly, fidgeting with her card.

Amity simply stared at the white card still laying in front of her, dread building in her chest. If there was ever a time for the trap to spring... it would be now. Haunted objects like this often came with a curse, especially here in the Boiling Isles. The ancient symbol currently pulsating red in the center of the board reminded Amity that there was a chance that whatever 'evil' this board contained may be far too old and powerful to simply be sealed away by two witches in training...

"Yep. And hurry! There's not much time left!" Gus's panicked voice jolted Amity out of her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Amity snatched the card up and flipped it over, almost completely in sync with Luz.

"To defeat the evil within in this board, I hereby announce that-" The two read off in unison.

"... King is the greatest of all time."

"... Luz is a buttface."

The entire room fell silent as the two finished the 'spell' causing the Witch's Knot in the middle to flash a bright, blinding blue before the entire board went dim.

From the doorway the companions could all hear a malicious cackling.

Amity turned around slowly, only to see the resident demon of the Owl House rolling around on his back, laughing.

"YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN YOUR FACES! Oooooh. Oh nooooo! The evil of the board is going to get usssss. Wheeeeheheehehe."

"King!!" Luz reprimanded angrily, but the smile on her face gave away her true feelings. "You know, if you wanted us to play a board game you made, you could've just asked!"

The little demon pushed himself off the floor and wiped his eyes. He walked to the center of the board and kicked over the hourglass, seconds away from running out of sand.

"Psssh. Like I'd want to be involved in your silly little 'Sleep Party' thing anyways. Not that I got an invite or anything..." King grumbled.

Amity felt bad for the little guy, even if the game had them all stressed over nothing, he just wanted to feel included. Reaching forward hesitantly, knowing she didn't have the best relationship with the demon, Amity gently scooped him into her arms and coddled him.

And to both of their surprise, The King of Demons let her.

"Besides, it's not my game anyways. I just wrote those last two cards." King continued, crossing his arms defiantly from his position in Amity's arms.

Luz frowned. "But if you didn't make it then... who did?"

"I don't know. Eda just had it laying around. I found it a couple of days ago and planned this spectacular and amazing prank to pull on you guys for not inviting me. And it workkkeedd! Hah!"

Amity tensed. Nobody knew who made it? A board this enchanted had to have been made by someone.

"No, that's not right. There has to be some sort of clue, right?" Luz frowned, looking around at her friends.

"I don't know, I didn't look." The demon king shrugged before stretching out and curling tightly into Amity's chest.

"Try flipping it over? Maybe there's a name or something. That's what my dad's always do to our stuff in case it gets lost." Willow suggested helpfully.

Everyone nodded as Luz tentatively reached over and flipped the board over. On the back, faintly scratched into the cheap cardboard, were two initials and a small inscription. They had found their answer.

L + E - Vanquishing evil together. Forever.

The End

[princepondincherry]

The Tragedy of “The Wrong Jedi”

The first time I watched the Jedi Temple bombing arc in Star Wars: The Clone Wars, I was kind of uncomfortable with how it played out. I felt like it misrepresented how the Jedi Council would have handled the situation, that Anakin was going too far and uncomfortably close to the Dark Side, and that Ventress was handled strangely. But after reading a whole bunch of posts by tumblr user gffa and others about how the Jedi didn’t handle it too terribly, I’ve had to rethink my view. Thinking about it more, it’s definitely even more tragic than I realized.

I’ve got a lot to say (seriously, a massive wall of text) and, even though this is a really old show, I might as well put spoilers under the cut.

Okay, first of all: Ahsoka might not have been found innocent if she stayed in jail, but I bet she would. Barriss knocked out the guards and left Ahsoka a keycard to break out of her jail cell. As soon as she used it to break out, Ahsoka fell into the trap. If she’d just sat in the cell, eventually order would have been restored in the prison, and there would have been some sort of evidence that someone else was trying to frame her. Unless Barriss managed to spin it so it looked like Ahsoka broke out, killed some clones, and then returned to her jail cell? Seems unlikely. The genius of the trap was that breaking her out was exactly the sort of rule-breaking she’d expect Anakin to do, so I can’t blame her for falling for it.

Actually, taking a step back, the frame-job only worked because Ahsoka was an impulsive Padawan. I tried imagining how other Jedi would have reacted, and a few of them would have ended up much better. Anakin probably would have been screwed too, but a lot of more-experienced Jedi would have just begun meditating calmly in the cell and been able to follow the promptings of the Force to end up with a better outcome. In particular, Obi-Wan probably would have laughed about the key card and managed to talk his way to some sort of advantage with the clones who came to investigate. (And, of course, someone like Yoda might have just sensed Barriss like Tarkin said Ahsoka should have been able to.) None of this is Ahsoka’s fault, of course--she’s a great Jedi; she’s just in training still, and not the calmest.

Moving on, the Jedi Council expelling Ahsoka *really* bothered me, and I don’t think that’s an uncommon opinion. Other people (gffa, again) have talked at length about how they were under great pressure from the Senate, and so it wasn’t entirely their fault, but I still thought it was a terrible, if understandable, decision. They brought that the Senate was concerned they wouldn’t be impartial, but I thought, “Let the Senate be concerned. The Council *know* they’re impartial, so if Padawan Tano is guilty, they’ll find her guilty and punish her. Which, of course, is what the Senate wants. And if she’s innocent, they should support her no matter the political consequences.” But then I realized that the evidence against her was so strong at that point that the Council was probably assuming any trial would find her guilty, and the only real point of contention would be the punishment. The Jedi would probably decide on a punishment that wasn’t strong enough for the Senate’s liking. So instead, they decided that expelling her from the order *was* their punishment. It’s my opinion that this was either discussed in offscreen Council deliberations or just understood by the Councilmembers, who’ve worked together for a long time. The episode probably just didn’t make this explicitly clear because we’re intended to emotionally be on Ahsoka’s side, feeling betrayed like her, and only figure out the larger implications later with more thought and analysis. If this is true, it totally worked on me. You could definitely make a good argument that they still should have made a stand, but with public opinion and the opinion of the Senate turning against them, they had to pick and choose their battles.

                                                     THE TRIAL

The real thing that convinced me to write this post was the emotions and framing of the end of the trial, when Anakin brings Barriss forth and gets her to confess. The whole trial makes masterful use of oppositions. First, Tarkin and Padme are prosecutor and defender. They literally enter from opposite sides. Symbolically, since we know these characters, this is Grand Moff Tarkin supporting his vision of punitive control (he calls for the death penalty!) versus Senator Padme Amidala, supporting the rights and freedoms of an innocent. The symbolism and conservation of characters is nice enough that I can overlook how stupid it is that an Admiral and a Senator are the ones arguing this case or that the Chancellor of the Republic is also overseeing a trial. (Also, a Jedi accused of sedition is a BIG DEAL.)

Palpatine, of course, gives a grand speech about how Separatists have fooled the Republic before, laying on the irony as thick as he can as he accuses Ahsoka of being part of a plot to tear the Jedi Order apart. There’s an interesting interaction when Anakin breaks his stride right before he declares Ahsoka guilty, and I imagine he was torn between annoyance and his desire to have Anakin like him. And then when Barriss starts her big speech about how the Jedi have lost their way, he must be thrilled that these sentiments are getting such traction among the populace that even a Jedi espouses them and gets such a public stage to proclaim them.

Because--and this is the important part--Barriss is WRONG. - “The Jedi are the ones responsible for this war.” -- INCORRECT - “We have so lost our way that we have become villains in this conflict.”--INCORRECT. One thing that bothered me is that so much of the anti-Jedi argument is that they’re killers, but we almost always see them fighting droids. This is the most bloodless war ever, even assuming there’s a ton of offscreen collateral damage. ONSCREEN we see the Jedi avoiding collateral damage as much as possible. - “We are the ones that should be put on trial; all of us.”--No, literally just Barriss should be put on trial, for her senseless crimes. - “My attack on the Temple was an attack on what the Jedi have become--an army fighting for the dark side.”-- Incorrect on two counts. Others have explained how the Jedi are CLEARLY the good guys in this show, and more than that, her attack on the Temple was pointless murder that failed to even make a clear statement. She killed Jedi, non-Jedi workers, and clones, so I guess she was just symbolically opposing the war effort, but considering she had to explain herself before anyone guessed her motives, I don’t think she did a very good job.

Once you accept that Barriss is wrong, this becomes extremely tragic. - Anakin’s clearly struggled with the dark side over this whole arc, but he hasn’t Fallen. He’s still firmly a Jedi, firmly rooted in the Light. He lets Ventress go when he realizes she’s not responsible (which may have been a bad decision ethically, but it was probably better than just killing her), tries talking calmly to Barriss first, and sees justice done. He works within the system by making sure Ahsoka is arrested. - The music is just SO GOOD. When I was believing Barriss, the dark, dramatic music just made me more uncomfortable (”ahh, the bad guy is right?!”), but now it’s just sad. - This trial has been taking place in a Senate courtroom with the Imperial logo prominently displayed on the wall, Tarkin prosecuting, and the future Emperor presiding. But when justice is truly served, it’s by Anakin Skywalker, a Jedi Knight opposing Palpatine, and four Jedi Guardians escorting a prisoner. And...look, in terms of iconography, those guys are awesome enough to challenge all the Imperial paraphernalia, with their masks, armor, and special yellow lightsabers. Seriously, I’m surprised over the strength of the feelings I’m having about the clash of icons here. The failing Republic/future Empire is about to perpetrate a great injustice, but in march the traditional guards of an ancient peacekeeping order in full dramatic procession to bring true justice.

Barriss and everyone else taken in by anti-Jedi propaganda fail to realize that the Jedi aren’t the cause of the problem--they’re just a bandage struggling to help people like Padme hold a failing Republic together as crime syndicates, the Sith, and more base forms of evil such as corruption tear it apart.

I’ve written waaaay too much already, so I won’t talk about it too much, but Ahsoka’s arc in season 7 supports my thoughts. Basically, that arc starts with her realizing how the common people often have at least semi-legitimate reasons to dislike the Jedi, and it ends with her realizing that she’s been acting like a Jedi the whole time (and the one hostile Martinez sister realizing that since Ahsoka’s basically a Jedi, she’s been judging the Jedi too harshly).

[captainshadowshifter]

Ok so apparently I feel brave again today, and honestly tumblr peeps I'm really sorry for being like this, but I really want to up my confidence in the stuff I create by just pushing it out there - taking the leap, so to say.

So!

Below is a little something I wrote a couple years back (when I thought about not making my fanfic/AU as a comic, but instead writing it properly) and I haven't touched it since so it's really badly written, but it's one of my favourite parts of the story I created and yes I am kinda proud of it.

A little context first, this is a little further into the story (even further now because the SABA timeline slotted in so nicely before the other game-based sections), so there's some backstory I'm not gonna cover - some of it is easy enough to figure out anyway. The character Shadow, she's my OC (blog name lmao), and yes they are a 'thing' (I was going through some stuff it made me feel better stop judging me). Shadow takes the place of Sackboy, but I seem to have made it somewhat more... Human, realistic, whatever. They're on the run from a new villain, my absolute favourite villain I created for this story, because I mean dragon-demon-snake things, the best. Also they're on a new planet in the Imagisphere, because hey Huge Spaceship can never stay flying long ¬w¬. There's a dark theme to this whole story, I won't deny it, so please don't read this thing if you're likely to be affected by a vague suicidal hint (it's literally right in the last sentence, and I do mean vague) - I really don't want to hurt anyone, and I know that just because projecting my own issues helps me to cope doesn't mean it's good for everybody else.

Ok ok I'll stop rambling now, here it is. Hidden behind a keep reading thing so that anyone who doesn't want to read it won't by accident.

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He had been noticing it for a while. All the little things; the little tell-tale signs that were so discreet no one noticed, but not so invisible he hadn't noticed them himself. The little flashes of violet and indigo across his face, the slight (but dismissible) desire to destroy things - even an occasional hatred for Shadow and the others, of which he didn't want to bring himself to understand, despite already knowing. He did, however, understand that they were getting worse, more noticeable. The mood swings he could simply put down to fatigue; everyone else had them, too (though not as bad), since they'd hardly stopped running for the past week or so, and as such they were all tired and somewhat irritable. However, the fact that he managed to contribute to building something using his popit without being sent flying face first into some trees was, while a pleasant surprise, a cause for concern - and not something that could be put to much else other than a miracle. He was sure, if no one else, Shadow would notice something was up – after all, she had quite the knack for picking up on things like that. Newton knew he had to tread very carefully around her so as not to arouse suspicion, because the slightest hint of a doubt about his control over the Titans could cause a variation of problems (most likely higher levels of mistrust, he figured), the worst possible of which was by far that conversation. ‘I don’t really fancy talking about countermeasures...’ he thought to himself. ‘It’s not as though I can just get rid of them... They have to do that on their own.’

Later that night, however, something changed. Sat on top of his sleeping bag with his knees tucked up to his chest, Newton was staring into a small round mirror. The entire right hand side of his face had turned a pale violet – not dissimilar to that of what he hated about his past, and feared was going to happen again. He glanced over his shoulder to see Shadow sleeping peacefully beside him. ‘This is problematic.... I can’t risk putting everyone in danger just so she doesn’t get upset...’ He closed his eyes for a moment, and just as the lights dimmed he opened them again, a flash of dejected determination in his mind. ‘... No.. For once... I am entirely certain that this...’ He picked up a pen and Shadow’s notebook, and flicked through the pages to find one that was blank. This proved more difficult than anticipated; almost every page had scrawls of tragic tales, comical doodles or various greatly detailed sketches of fantasies from other worlds. Eventually he found a blank space, on the back of a page containing a sketch she’d done of him a few days prior. He remembered that she’d asked him to sit still while she did so – so obviously, he’d made every effort to do the exact opposite. A hint of a smile flashed for a second on his face at the memory, and he heard a distant ‘awwh’ from Green as she watched. Newton blocked out the thought, and began to write. ‘.. this is the right thing to do.’ He thought to himself as he ever so gently tore the page out of the book and laid it on his sleeping bag, then stood up, picked up his boots and left as silently as was possible from the tent – and darkness then fell.

The stars twinkled softly through the rustling leaves above him as he strode through the undergrowth. He had no idea where he was going, not even the direction he had taken from the camp – but he knew as long as he moved away from it everyone would be safe. As a purple mist clouded over his vision he scrunched his eyes closed tight and rubbed the back of his sleeve against them before breaking into a jog. ‘GO AWAY!! I DON’T WANT TO HURT THEM AGAIN!!!’. He began to sprint, the leaves of the Neumoran plants cutting into his hands as he pushed them away, until suddenly they disappeared as he broke out onto a clearing. He skidded to a halt and opened his eyes, panicked that he’d simply gone in a circle and ended up where he started – where he didn’t want to be. However, the clearing he’d come to was a gentle grassy slope, with most edges housing a steep slope, excluding the one he’d emerged from that was framed by the thick trees and bushes. And at the top of the slope, just away from the edge, was a singular tree that twisted and curled around itself and up into the sky, topped by thick layers of emerald leaves. The tree’s roots snaked in and out of the ground to form small hollows and ledges that would be perfect for sitting. Newton sighs in relief, then slowly walks forwards to the tree, peering over the edge and the distance below it. ‘... Well that would be a good backup plan, I guess... Just like back then...’

[tydelwve]

what's sad is that when i read that anon message about stealing their ideas i knew exactly who it could be and just checking that person's blog proved me right. it's sad but also so predictable cause that girl is exactly the person who would do something like that and as much as i am sorry for your anon, tyra, i wanna say to them, you should have known. if someone is popular and writes a lot of fics it doesn't mean they are good enough for your ideas. some ppl are shit, check who you trust

The answer is really long so we’re gonna place it under the cut

I wanted to stay impartial in thissituation, but after hearing both sides, I do feel like I need to say somethingabout it. I do know how it feels to have your ideas stolen, and I do know thatit hurts and sucks when it happens :(  

I am nottrying to discredit anyone in this situation because I pride myself on havingan open platform where anyone can have a say and feel comfortable to express ithere, but I DO NOT condone hatred of any artist/writer on my blog. 

I figuredout you guys were probably talking about @cakesunflower since she’s like theonly person I’ve seen talking about making a greaser!cal fics, so let’s justget that out there.

I havepersonally talked to summer about this because I did not want there to be illfeelings between us because of these. 

I willstate that I do not know if the original anon is truly talking about her. 

I also wantto say that I don’t know why out of all the blogs here, I don’t know why youchose me, but now, I kind of appreciate it because I don’t think anyone elsewould do this. 

I, myself,am a decently sized blog who does stay in the shadows, so I’ve seen this go ona lot for people in the “big blog cult.” I have also talked to or have followedmost of them as well and had a decent stream between them.

Summer is amongone of the first mutuals I got on this website, so I’ve always had a goodrelationship with Summer. That’s why it felt uncomfy for me to even post theseanons.

Summer hasalways answered every anon she gets (unless it’s hate). I’ve even sent her somepretty dumb ones that she has responded to.

She pridesherself in letting her platform be a way for people to have their ideas beheard and hopefully help them come to fruition if she can. Having that big of aplatform, Tumblr easily eats asks that were sent. I mean… like as soon as youpress send, they’re gone into the wind.

Tumblr doesthis a lot, even with smaller blogs, so please don’t think that it’s an elitisttype of thing because people have also shown up in my inbox wondering why Ididn’t respond to a message I have never received.

The greaseridea is a very popular task in the au world, so I do understand if it feelslike your ideas were stolen, but I do not think Summer would ever takesomeone’s idea on purpose. 

Sheliterally has one book out and another coming, so she truly understands theimportance of giving someone credit. Her life’s work could be taken from her ifshe didn’t.

So please,do not discredit another artist until you have personally talked to them. Icompletely understand frustration and being upset, but you can’t judge someonebased on their blog and how popular they are. I promise you that a lot of thebigger blogs you see are genuinely the sweetest people in the world.

Justbecause they’re big, doesn’t mean they believe they are above everyone else. Ipromise you. 

I alwayslook out for you guys that trust me and my opinion, so believe me on this. Ilove you, but Summer is not the bad guy.

[twoidiotwriters1]

Starcrossed Losers III (Josh Wheeler xReader)

A/N: Sometimes I wonder like, maybe you guys don’t care about the plot and just wanna see some dorks fall in love? but I have to warn you, I’m planning on making this pretty much a slow burn, probably something I should’ve said since chapter one lmao anyway, please leave some feedback after you’re done reading! we appreciate it lots :)

Words: 1,900

Warnings: Swearing, hands going down ghoulie’s throats, descriptions of violent deaths and blood. 

Previous Chapter // Next chapter

I had spent the majority of that hour just walking in circles trying to find a solution to our current problem when Angelica came back telling us about the security Eli had put on the place. Not gonna lie, I was impressed. Suddenly, another of those horrible screams echoed to remind us that we’re not alone. And after Angelica mentioned how we could always kill whatever it was the source of the noise, Josh was very reluctant about it.

“We’re not killing anyone. This was the last place where Sam was seen. She’s the only kid I knew who loved the mall.”

“You didn’t know a lot of kids then,” I snort.

Josh stares at me in annoyance but continues his speech anyway.

“What if she’s this Witch?”

“You think she turned into a ghoulie?” Angelica scrunches up her nose.

“You said it yourself, we have no idea what’s going on. If there’s even a chance, I have to help Sam”

“Eye roll, you only like Sam ‘cause she may have touched your dick.”

I snort again, totally amused. Josh’s frown only grows deeper and I raise my hands in defeat.

“My bad. Gonna go and... I don’t know, get snacks or something.”

While I’m walking away I still manage to hear a few sentences of what Josh is saying.

“This is not about getting some handy from some rando. This is love.”

“Is he listening to himself?” I shake my head, “this guy’s crazy...”

Don’t misunderstand. I do believe in love. The thing that I don’t believe is Josh’s speech of true love and loyalty. How can I, when I know that he met Sam for only a few months before the nuke? Do I think it’s impossible to fall in love in such a short notice? Nah, I think it’s totally believable. The thing is... okay, don’t judge. But the thing is that we’re teenagers, right? I mean, hormones are wild right now, you can be crazy in love with someone and still look at Chris Hemsworth and wish he would crush your head with his thighs or... whatever it is that you dream, I definitely don’t think about that. I’m more of a Chris Evans lover.

So yeah, I’m sorry if I don’t fully think that Josh, a seventeen-year-old boy, would have zero attraction to anyone who doesn’t have Sam Dean’s face. We’re all human, for fuck’s sake. I dated a guy while still completely whipped for Alex. And Alex dated several people too. And he had a talent for that, believe me.

Listen to this: don’t fall in love at all. If you wanna feel loved, get tons of friends: mutuals on twitter, tumblr or fucking facebook for that matter. They’ll always tell you pretty things. Or hug your parents. Your siblings. Literally, do anything but fall in love. I know it sounds like this beautiful thing from heaven but love is far from being the solution. 

Crap. I’m sounding like a bitter asshole, aren’t I? I’m sorry. The apocalypse it’s taking a toll on me. Maybe I should take some time away from Glendale, go to a far land and never come back, maybe I should- HOLY FUCK THE WITCH IS HERE

I stand there, terrified of moving in a way that might warn her of my presence. I gather enough courage to walk away, little by little without turning my back to her so I can make sure she hasn’t noticed me. Unfortunately, it also means I can’t see Josh behind me, holding his skate like a shield with one hand, and a long stick with a chord at the end with the other. 

“Don’t freak,” He whispers, and I react the only way anyone would react if a voice talks to their ear when they’re alert: I scream.

The woman stands up and I quickly stand behind Josh’s body. Hey, he’s the one holding the shield! I have nothing. Luckily though, she doesn’t attack us and instead, she walks further into the store.

“Sam!” Josh calls her out.

“You don’t know if that’s Sam!” I hiss.

Josh doesn’t listen to me and keeps going, so I keep going as well. We lose her after a few seconds and turn around just to see her standing right in front of our faces.

“Fuck!” I jump so high that in a different context I’d have been embarrassed. But right now I’m just praying to any god ‘please, let me make it to next month’.

“Sam?” asks Josh, and I wanna reply with ‘Stop calling her Sam, can’t you see she’s got curly dark hair, you blind shit?!’

But someone else starts singing behind the witch and when she turns around I can see Angelica standing there and I’m both, thankful and pissed that even a twelve-year-old girl has a way to defend herself and I only got my skates. She cuts her hand and the witch immediately rushes over to attack, leaving us safe. Of course, now it was our turn to chase down the two so Angelica wouldn’t get eaten.

“Angelica!” Josh stops in front of a store and I hear him mumble, “dummy...”

I get there a moment after and I see the woman leaning over a small body. I gasp, covering my eyes and asking with a thin voice, “Is it bad? How much blood is there?”

“Dummy” I hear him say again, this time in a more flat voice.

“Hey, dummies!” And that’s definitely Angelica, and she’s definitely not where I thought she was, so I uncover my eyes and I get to see when she pulls down the metal curtain, trapping the witch inside the shop, “so, is that thing your girly-friend?” 

He steps closer, “Sam? it’s me. It’s Josh.”

I’m about to reply that there is no way in hell that’s Sam when she talks back.

“Josh,” Her voice is weak and dry, “Josh Wheeler?”

Josh softly laughs beside me, nodding at the girl, “Yeah, that’s right.”

“Josh Wheeler?” She stands up and walks towards the curtain, removing the hair from her face and smiles wildly at the boy. Yup, that’s definitely not Sam, “Present.”

“That’s not Sam! That’s not fucking Sam at all!”

Yeah I know, I called it.

The woman repeats his words and smashes the doll’s head against the curtain.

“Wait,” I raise my voice, suddenly recognizing her, “isn’t it...”

“Ms. Crumble?” Josh and I ask in unison.

Yes, she was. Holy shit. Angelica goes off about how this is an amazing discovery ‘cause Crumble is capable of saying more than two words. Then Crumble goes off on how much she hates the new world and decides to walk straight into one of the mannequins. After a while of watching Angelica make goggling eyes at our former teacher, Josh and I decide to move on.

“Look I gotta go.”

“Yeah, me too,” I say, crossing my arms, “I’m not wasting more of my time with any of you”

Angelica tries hard to convince us, but her speech does the opposite effect on me. She says that there’s a mind with functional thoughts in every ghoulie. That our parents aren’t totally gone, and I refuse to believe she’s right.

“Ghoulies aren’t good. And they certainly aren’t people, Angelica. Not anymore.”

I’m one to know, I learned that the hard way with pretty much my whole family. I went to my house after the nuke exploded and boom! My parents were suddenly trying to eat my face. I had to lock them in their room before going over to Grandma’s. And grandma had turned out to be fucking vicious as hell, even for a ghoulie. So I set her on fire along with my uncle, aunt, and her entire house. 

Anyway, I left Glendale to reunite with my sister Katie, more prepared than the last two tries. Part of me prayed for all the precautions to be unnecessary at the end, cause I was tired, and all I wanted was a goddamned break. I just wanted to see my sister. When I had to smash her head with that chair, it felt like I was the one agonizing. 

But I convinced myself it wasn’t Katie anymore. That thing was a monster and I had to get rid of it so my sister could rest. You can understand why then, hearing Angelica say those things kinda made me want to run away and never look back at any of their faces. 

“This isn’t gonna bring your parents back,” replies Josh, “I need to go and find Sam. Soon as I figure out how to get past Eli’s locked and booby-trapped doors.”

“I can get you out,” Says Ms. Crumble, “I have a key.”

She frantically searches through her stuff while talking to some dusty doll heads and I know, I know this has to be a bad dream. I’m not actually here, I probably fell asleep on the couch after eating too much. Crumble says she put the keys on a clapper and she (of course) starts clapping, dropping the doll heads on the process.

“I remember now. I ate the keys” Crumbles laments, “I needed the iron. Hold on.”

“I was wrong,” I whisper, “every time she opens her mouth I feel like I’m having a stroke”

Josh quietly chuckles beside me, and we share a look of complicity. Glad to see I’m not the only one who doesn’t have a clue of what is happening right now.

Crumble sits on the chair closest to her and in a matter of seconds opens her mouth impossibly wider than any mouth should be allowed to. Then she puts her hand inside.

“Shit, shit, shit...” I cling to Josh’s arm and hold it tight with both hands, “I’m in hell. This is the worst thing I have ever...”

“This is the best thing I have ever seen,” Angelica cuts my comment, “and I once saw a robot kill a monkey in a knife fight in Thailand.”

“I’m never sleeping again,” I can practically feel my soul leaving my body and fleeting to another continent. Crumble pulls out her hand and... it’s another fucking head. How many dolls has she beheaded?

Crumble lets us know that she can’t reach the keys and Angelica offers to help. She says no, then asks Josh to do it instead.

“Are you gonna eat my arm?” His voice is fearful, I can tell he really doesn’t wanna do it.

“I don’t know,” she says, laughing right after saying it.

“Josh?” Inquires Angelica.

I grab him by the shoulders so now he’s looking at me.

“No,” I say, “that’s crazy Josh, you can’t put your arm inside a Ghoulie’s throat!”

“Just a sec,” He looks at me with wide eyes, but takes a deep breath and shakes his head, not really answering to me, “okay.”

“Josh!” I insist, “please, we can find another way to get out, just don’t do it!”

“I have to,” Even if he doesn’t say it, I can complete the phrase with what I know for sure is going through his mind: For Sam.

Taglist.

@letsbloodmagic​

[ahnsael]

My car is finally fixed!

Went to a local Auto Zone that advertises free tests of batteries, alternators, etc to diagnose problems like mine. It was a REAL quick test. “Yup, that battery is DEAD.”

He explained that new cars usually come with cheap batteries, and you’re lucky to get three years out of them (I got about 3½ out of mine).

I told him we did the same thing at Disneyland -- when you buy a light-up toy, odds are it comes with “Rocket” brand batteries, which we got (at the time) for about 1¢ each. And they would last maybe an hour or two (if you were lucky) before you’d notice your toy getting dimmer (granted, we brought LOTS of spare batteries out with us to sell these toys, so any guest that came up to say their toy didn’t last long, I’d explain that the batteries are indeed cheap and don’t last long but when they put better batteries in, the toy will last. And then I’d give them enough batteries to change them out four more times so the toy would last them through the next couple nights of use.

I spent an extra $30 (in theory -- read on) to get a better AGM battery (at least it’s better for my situation -- they tend to recharge faster and withstand extreme hot and cold temperatures, unlike normal car batteries -- and since most of my trips are four miles to or from work, that wasn’t long enough to recharge what battery power I spent on starting the car by the time I reached my destination. And since I work graveyard, my car is outside in sub-freezing temperatures all night this time of year).

The guy said he wasn’t trying to upsell me (he was TOTALLY trying to upsell me), but when I went with the more expensive option (and after we talked Disney for a few minutes -- I’m telling you, once in a while being a former cast member still pays dividends) he asked if I was a veteran and I said “No, but he is” and pointed at my stepdad who was in the Army, and the guy took $20 off the price on the spot, and then he said that he’d take another $10 off if we left the old battery with them (which, THANK YOU, because I don’t want an old car battery to try and figure out how to get rid of).

So in agreeing to spend $30 extra without hemming and hawing over it (I had actually looked at batteries over the past couple days and knew that everything he was telling me matched up with what I had read about AGM batteries vs the standard wet cell battery), I got this battery for the same price as the other one that he had which would fit my car.

No more having to jump-start my car every time I go to work, recharge my jump starter while working, and jump start the car again to get home! No more worrying that I can’t stop at the store on the way home because the store isn’t going to charge my jump starter for me and I may not be able to start my car again to get home. No more leaving the car running when I run into a convenience store and hope I see it if someone tries to get in and drive away.

And now I ramble (yeah, yeah, I hear you shouting “too late, you’re already rambling!” at your computer screen), so here’s a “read more.” Some of you who have followed me for less than two years may learn something about me at the end of this post that may change your perception of me, but since tumblr is the only place I’ve talked (albeit sparsely) about this particular thing. Those of you who know me well already know this unless you missed those posts.

I’ll still keep the jumper in the car “just in case” -- I just have to charge it every 30 days to keep it up to snuff. Plus, it may come in handy if a guest at the casino needs a jump. Though I should check with my boss on that; it may bring up liability issues that we would rather not deal with. I have a feeling that would be a no-go. We’re not even allowed to administer first aid, or even have a first aid kit, because of the liability if we “treat” someone and it goes south somehow. We just call for the ambulance (which I’ve only had to do twice -- once for a lady who fell out of her chair [never did find out why but she was alert and coherent and walked to the ambulance but DID want their help] and once for a guest who had a stroke while at a machine -- and didn’t want the paramedics, he wanted to keep playing video keno with his left hand since he couldn’t lift his right one (we did get him on a gurney, but he literally did not stop playing until paramedics put him on the gurney, and then I cashed him out and gave his money to one of the medics to give to him -- if a friend of his hadn’t told me that he wasn’t okay I wouldn’t have known because other than playing with his left hand when the “play” button is on the right side, he looked okay, but after she told me he needed help and I wasn’t sure if he did I sat down and talked to him and it became very clear that she was right but without asking him about it I would have never realized what was going on, but because she told me that she thought he was having a stroke, and the 9-1-1 operator walking me through some tests which confirmed it, it was caught in time that there was no lasting damage).

But I digress with work stories.

Now to the thing newer people may not know about. As some of you know, I did something REALLY not-smart a couple years ago (I got behind the wheel of a car when I had no business being behind the wheel of a car), and I’ve been dealing with the consequences since then. Nothing too terrible, all things considered (thankfully I didn’t hurt anyone or cause any damage), and finishing the worst part by serving the rest of my 48-hour jail sentence was over in August of 2018. In February of 2019, I was freed of my obligation to attend counseling after the counselor signed off on me not being a continued danger and not likely to re-offend (which I WILL NOT do -- the consequences get worse with successive infractions, and just ONCE was enough to teach me that, even if I hadn’t felt awful for putting my community at risk, the punishment is NOT worth deciding to go to Burger King when I should NOT be driving to Burger King -- fun fact: the Auto Zone I was at today is next door to that very Burger King which I was leaving when I was pulled over).

In August of last year, I was done with “alternative sentencing.” What that was, was I had to call the probation arm of the Sheriff’s Department EVERY SINGLE MORNING to see whether or not they wanted to test me for alcohol in my system (the judge had ordered me to drink ZERO alcohol for a year -- not even NyQuil if I was sick). If they were to find alcohol in my pee test, I had a warrant issued for my arrest. Granted, in May of last year, the head probation officer told me that I didn’t have to call anymore -- but I was subject to search or testing at any time (and they did show up at my house a few times to make sure I was still complying -- they still had to monitor me, but I didn’t have to call anymore because I had earned a degree of trust with them; also they were genuinely nice people and I got along well with them, so our positive relationship may have entered into it as well; when I was officially released from their rolls of “people to watch over,” I went in the day after the judge’s order had expired to verify that I was done with them, and the head guy shook my hand, said “you’re off our rolls,” and admonished me: “Don’t come back”).

But then there was the year of having an interlock device in my car. I didn’t reinstate my suspended license until January of 1999, and that’s when the year (ordered in my August 1998 sentencing) kicked in. It’s not “wait a year and then reinstate your license without having to do this;” it’s “once you reinstate your license, you must have this device in your vehicle for a year from THEN”).

It’s actually been 13 months now. But I wasn’t sure about the process of getting it removed. I asked about it the month before my year was up at the place where I have to get it calibrated once a month, and they said to call the interlock company (this is a car audio place that also handles interlocks, but not the interlock company themselves), and they would tell me how to “petition the court” to get it removed.

I did more research and the interlock company says they need the “monitoring authority’s permission” to allow the interlock to be removed. But they don’t say who the “monitoring authority is” (which is understandable as they are a nationwide company and state laws differ but even when I found a page that broke down the removal process state-by-state, it didn’t say who my monitoring authority was or what kind of “permission” I needed to obtain or how to get it).

But yesterday morning, I emailed the interlock company and the DMV to ask them about the removal. Surprisingly, the DMV got back to me first (still haven’t heard back from SmartStart -- edit, yes I have, see below).

But it was a reply to my email address from a person in the “Drivers License Assessment Team” saying that they had looked at my record and that I was good to come in and get the interlock restriction removed, and that that should be enough for the interlock people.

And, as I was writing this, I got an email from SmartStart saying “Please be informed that removal authorization is not needed if you have had device installed (1) one year from date of when your restricted license was reinstatement.” Grammar aside (”when your license was reinstatement?”), this actually contradicts what the web site says. But I think I’m going to the DMV tomorrow morning to get my restriction removed, and then I’ll call the car accessories store that I’ve been using and make an appointment for its removal (I may have to call SmartStart and have THEM schedule the appointment -- I replied to SmartStart’s email asking with whom I make the appointment, so we’ll see if they replay today).

But the one other major stress in my life is going away. Not that I’m afraid “I may be too drunk to drive” because THAT IS NOT HAPPENING AGAIN but that it has occasional errors, gives me an “ABORT TAMPER” message (which means it thinks I tampered with it somehow) when temps get below 20º, sometimes reboots itself mid-drive (it will test me after about 10 minutes of driving after I start, then about every 45 minutes thereafter to make sure I’m not drinking WHILE I’m driving). When I leave work on a cold morning, I could be sitting in my car for 4-5 minutes before the thing is ready for me to breathe into it -- as I sit there shivering, because without the engine on, the fan isn’t blowing in heated air, it’s just blowing in outside sub-freezing air (and frosting my interior windows as much as it had been outside before I scraped the ice off while waiting for the interlock to warm up).

So that other major stress will be gone soon, too. And then that whole nasty experience is behind me after two years, as long as I’m never stupid enough to do it again. And I do NOT plan on that. My thing is that...I have a co-worker who I used to offer rides to once in a while (I’m off 30 minutes before him, but sometimes I stay and gamble for a bit). He walks a couple miles to/from work. But he doesn’t know about my DUI, and I don’t want him to know about it. I did give him a ride ONCE since then when weather was particularly nasty, but I wend out and started my car while he played a daily tournament, and by the time he got to my car I had gotten it started after passing the breathalyzer. Then I just hoped that it wouldn’t test me before we got to where he lives (I hid the interlock under my seat while he was in there). Fortunately, it didn’t request a re-test until a few minutes after I had dropped him off.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Persona 5 Problems: “Goro can’t escape Shido” doesn’t make sense

Might be a pt 1. But before I get into it, what I mean here is “Goro can’t escape Shido” doesn’t makes sense in the context of the characters interactions that we see nor the rules or the world we see in Persona 5.” 

I probably could title this as “Atlus doesn’t know how to utilize it’s Metaverse and everything around it is shit pt 1: In relation to Goro” but that’d be too long, and it gives you more insight on what’s in store. 8U

Also this isn’t to rag on Goro, but the failure of the writing with P5. I mean I hate Goro, partially for his writing partially for how I think he’s a jerk and not in a fun way (cause I do like characters who are jerks but he just doesn’t jive with me)....this for full transparency (esp if you are new). 8U That being said I wont’ tag it as Goro cause I’m not a jerk, I’ll tag it as anti I guess but...........yeah in retrospect after typing this I do kinda take a dump on his writing so anti tag it is. 0u0 

Now why arm I talking about this? Well a new chapter of P5MM came up and.....well this picture appeared:

Now I love Saito, the manga is pretty good, so this is nothing against Saito. My issue is.....I guess the over victimization of Goro esp when it 1) makes no sense and 2) is contradictory.

Now do I think an antagonist that is a victim doesn’t make sense? No. What doesn’t make sense is that P5 doesn’t bother to develop it. P5 throws out the bare minimum of hints all while making NO SENSE how that could work. So fans have to fill in the blanks, and that’s either making him more sympathetic or like me who’s either deciding to start master blasting holes everywhere or is ready to throw this suit case out all together.

I know a lot of fans, and adaptations (such as this) kinda lean towards making Goro more sympathetic. I DON’T BLAME THEM. Like I said, there’s a lot of holes to fill in. And one of them is his relationship with Shido, something VERY crucial to the plot and is.....glossed over with like a few min worth of dialogue. 

Anyway what am I getting at? The issue that annoys me a lot, and that was shown in this picture that hair-triggered me into wanting to write this, was the fact “Goro is being controlled by Shido/Goro has no power and Shido has his claws into him/Goro can’t escape Shido.” As seen in the pictured above, you see Goro has hands to his throat and Shido has an overwhelming presence. Goro is trapped by Shido. And a lot of people will agree with this. It’s understandable because the game half assidly will say things like “you know what happens to people who defy me!” and basically threatening Goro’s life. EXCEPT IT’S ALL BULLSHIT!

“Woah that’s a little extreme what do you mean?” I mean it, Goro is not being controlled by Shido. It’s annoying P5 even INSINUATES that possibility in its writing! It makes no sense for Goro to be the powerless one here, not with the game we were given. And it’s amazing this wasn’t caught in the writers room. This is how that scene should’ve gone down given what we know:

Shido: You know what happens to people who oppose me! Goro: Yeah motherfucker, you send me! What do you want me do? Kill myself? What are you a 14 year old troll on the internet? Do you want me to kill you for threatening me-you scrotum looking asshole? 

Just freaking think about it, Shido or his confidants want a breakdown? Send Goro. They want a shutdown or to possibly kill someone? Send Goro. What the fudge is Shido doing threatening the guy who does his dirty work? Is he gonna kill him himself? No. Shido is a gd moron.

“But what about the cleaner guy?” Great question! And here’s my answer! What about him? No seriously what could anyone but the PT or a god do to Goro? Nothing. 

“But how is that nothing?!” Easy, Goro can take him out, breakdown or shutdown, before he could hurt Goro. If Shido sic’d anyone on Goro, Goro could easily take down Shido, the cleaner, and anyone related to either who know they should take Goro down. All thanks to the Metaverse. And because of that “Goro is trapped by Shido because he’s threatening Goro with death” is such a BS excuse by the game. 

“But what about Shido’s knowledge of the Metaverse? Didn’t he say he could utilize it?” Yeah what about it? The game doesn’t showcase HIM using the Metaverse. He always sends Goro. Which is REALLY FREAKING WEIRD considering he still acts this way, knowing full well Goro is missing. Like how are you going to do it Shido???? 1) you need an app first and foremost, 2) you’ll need a Persona or else you’ll get rekt’d! YOUR LOGIC MAKES NO SENSE! And him knowing about how the Meteverse works is just bs plot device so that we can shoo away how he could believe Goro in the first place let’s be honest.

The only people who use the Metaverse that we don’t know how they got there was the SWAT team that busted the MC, and while not explained it’s possible Goro had something to do with it (either giving someone his phone, since multiple people can go in with just one phone). That’s the only thing that makes sense, since only app users (aka PT+Goro) can got to that world. Tho the cut content seem to indicate even the police don’t know:

And it seems that you only get the app if you have a Persona (minus Goro, MC, and Futaba), cause that’s what Yadly wants:

(btw Ryu’s first pic is pre awakening and the 2nd is post awakening, Futaba’s the only one to get her’s before her Persona with the exception of Goro/MC, but Yadly must’ve thought she was useful or some shit judging by his dialogue early on in the game XP)

But yeah, bringing this up because it’s relevant to know who can and who can’t use the Metaverse. Goro CAN. Shido/Shido’s confidants CANNOT. Goro has the advantage. Shido does not. Goro holds all the cards. Shido’s a gd moron.

As for how Goro could end Shido and his Confidants. If for some reason Goro doesn’t know some of Shido’s confidants JUST BY WORKING WITH THEM, then he can find out through Shido’s Palace. Shido’s Palace literally contains every single one of his CoOps in Cognition form. Which means he probably knows their name, and all Goro really needs is a name cause that’s the hard part. Once he interrogates all the Cognitions and Shadow Shido, he takes Shadow Shido out, go after the real CoOps’ shadow, interrogates them (plus cognitions if they have a palace), and work his way down the latter until know one is after him. He can also squat in the Metaverse if for some reason the heat is really on him, and what’s the worse that could happen? They get pulled in with him? Well that’s bad....FOR THEM! Cause Goro has more powers there, his Persona, he’s stronger and more durable. There’s really no losing here.

So again, one last time. “SHIDO’S THREATS ON GORO’S LIFE MAKES NO SENSE BECAUSE GORO HAS THE POWER TO END SHIDO NOT THE OTHER WAY AROUND!”

“Well what about his strangle on giving Goro affection?” Ok, ngl....been awhile....but I legit have NO RECOLLECTION of Goro or Shido showing any possible fatherly affection. I feel like I’ve seen more of the fans make this argument then the game. If the game did then it was just....such a throwaway line, and it’s a classic “P5 tell don’t show” move. Coupled with how contradictory the writing is with the way the story is built (like show literally above in how Goro’s life should not be threatened like AT ALL). P5 goes out of its way to show how much Goro HATES Shido and HE CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HIM GO DOWN! That doesn’t seem like someone hesitating cause he wants a hug from daddy. The only reason he waits so long was because he wanted him to be prime minister (or just close to election) and then bring him down from the highest pedestal. THAT’S IT. He has so much more backing that then “I really wanted a daddy figure that gave me pats on the head and told me I was a good boy.” If P5 WAS going for that then they did an even piss poor job than with the issue above. 

And listen, I’m NOT saying that’s not something that couldn’t have happened, I’m saying the writing makes it not really support it or have it make sense. (edit: after typing this I vaguely recalled Shido saying that all Shido had to do was tell Goro he was a good boy and he thought he had him wrapped around his finger-of course this could’ve just been a tumblr post I read that’s how much I remember Shido praising Goro XP, and lkfsd;lakvl;vs this is soooooo batshit all over the place, are you controlling him with fear of death or love???? cause neither are working here bro. Btw at the bottom I go into a route in which this COULD work, but it means dropping the whole fear of death bs argument I made at the very beginning, and even then it’s not Shido actually controlling Goro, it’s him thinking he does.)

And if anyone says “What about destroying his career and social-hood by revealing Goro is a bastard?” And give Goro the platform, the audiences’ full attention for him to be like “YEAH AND GUESS WHO MY DAD IS?! :D” Like, considering Shido figured out Goro was his son, it’d be even more stupid of him to think he could do that when it’d be social suicide for him. As for Goro? That was his plan all along, nothing to lose! Maybe it’s not as high of a fall that he wanted, but he’s still bringing him down!

Now despite this rant, I’m NOT saying Goro isn’t a victim. As a bastard/foster child in Japan, he is a victim for their horrible treatment towards that group. That can’t be argued and in all honesty if it was just that I’d be happy. What I don’t think he is a victim of is Shido, at least beyond the parental abandonment (he is a victim for his dad being horrible and not marrying his mother and stuff like that OBVIOUSLY), by Shido I mean the Conspiracy related stuff. Making it out so that Shido controlled Goro the whole time, that Goro had no agency, that Goro couldn’t oppose him. That’s what I hate. I hate how people make him such a woobie victim when....he very well probably wasn’t. When he made Goro kill, it’d make more sense for Goro to be scared of losing his connection to Shido (aka not being able to monitor him and continue his plan) than be scared Shido might kill him (I mean he had freaking superpowers what the fudge?). But if people looked at it like that then Goro would be more in the wrong no? Choosing to value his goals of revenge over other’s? Maybe he didn’t want to kill but he still CHOSE because his own goals meant more than someone else’s life. But noooooo that would hurt him being a victim right? We need to make it all Shido’s fault! Goro did nothing wrong! Right? So we made it seem like Shido could threaten Goro’s life, make it a kill or be killed situation, even when it made no sense. 

I think Goro could been good, could’ve been complex. A boy who was an abandon bastard son of a politician, mistreated and abused by society until teenhood, suddenly granted the power to get revenge on his father, and going to any lengths, even if it broke his own moral code, because he was that dedicated to bringing down someone? That’s interesting, it’s simple. But “ A boy who was an abandon bastard son of a politician, mistreated and abused by society until teenhood, suddenly granted the power to get revenge on his father, forced to go to any lengths because he ended up in a trap by said father he wants to take down, even if it MIGHT (cause Atlus be chickens and “ambiguous”) be against his own moral code but like he’s being forced by his dad so is it really his fault? That? Fudge that. That’s needlessly confusing, it’s bending itself all out of shape to try to purify this character....and I hate it. 

There’s also the weird contradiction on Shido’s end where it’s like “He’s super paranoid that he kills people, and he doesn’t trust Goro since he plans to kill him, but he trusts him enough for certain things that he doesn’t need to double check on himself even if it poses a threat to him like I dunno checking IF THE GD MC BODY IS DEAD?! >:(” 

I dunno, I just think Goro having the strongest conviction to take down Shido (even killing because he wants to take him down so badly for what he did), with Shido not knowing Goro is his son and actually trusting him (with maybe gaining suspicions later towards the end for plot drama) because he’s so confident he groomed Goro into being his perfect little follower, is just so much more interesting? Goro is still a victim, but he’s not the perfect or “bending the character out of shape” to be perfect victim. He was hurt horribly and chose to deal with it in an....unhealthy way. It also makes the two seem reasonable, Shido thinks he’s in control because he took this starry eyed follower under his wing not because he’s threatening him with violence. Even tho we know Shido isn’t in control, Goro just likes to think he’s in control. 

;tldr: I hate how people (and even Atlus/the game) try to twist Goro into being this perfect victim, all while saying “well he does do bad things but it’s because of Shido!” instead of letting Goro be accountable and have it make logical sense in the game (because the game is a hot garbage mess). 

So yeah this concludes a 5 am rant I started yesterday. 8U 

[weconqueratdawn]

Kowalski’s #6 ~ Gradence fic

Original!Percival Graves/Credence Barebone Teen & up Fluff, awkward flirting, drunk texting, first kiss, holidays, found family

Fic Summary:  Where Credence finds solace in baking and a washed-up Percy finds solace in Credence. A super self-indulgent pile of dating fluff (rating to go up considerably btw) with some food porn as a sweet bonus. 

Chapter Summary: It’s Christmas and Percy is away visiting his mother. Credence gets advice from Queenie, concerns from Tina, help from Jacob, and some slightly-drunk messages from Percy. 

read from the beginning on ao3 

it has been Quite Some Time since i updated this O.o

more to come next week, and i have plenty of ideas for where this is going so expect further updates in the near future

Thanks to @pangaeastarseed for knowing exactly what to say to spark off more of this fic :)

(there’s more below the cut, in case it isn’t working *side-eyes tumblr*) 

The bakery was closed over the main holiday period - from Christmas Eve, right the way through until New Year. It was the only reliable vacation time Queenie and Jacob could get and, with the rest of the neighbourhood businesses shut down too, no one seemed to mind they couldn’t place a last-minute order for forty cupcakes or demand a non-fat hazelnut cappuccino in a hurry as they were late for a meeting. To those who knew it, the city was changed - people went to visit family elsewhere or withdrew into their own small circles. It was quieter, less rushed; New York was on hold.

Credence thought about the kiss all the time. Percy had aimed it squarely at his cheek; his own had brushed the corner of Credence’s mouth, stubble regrown enough from the morning’s shave to scratch. And he’d lingered, just a little, one hand cupping Credence’s shoulder.

Credence had stood there rather stupidly; he couldn’t remember what he’d said or done straight after. Hopefully he’d managed to smile, or at least look happy about being kissed.

He remembered Percy’s warm brown eyes, though. That was all he could think of, as Percy had said his goodbyes and walked away.

Tina had been waiting for him inside, trying to look like she wasn’t. That had been nice - to have someone to tell everything to, what they’d said and done. Credence did his best but was sure it lost something in the re-telling - it was hard to describe the special quality of sharing doughnuts in the car or Percy’s patience while Credence chose food colourings. He didn’t mention Percy’s unexpected anger over the engine trouble. Or the kiss on the doorstep - it was Queenie who dragged that part out of him.

“And then?” she’d said, the next day, when he’d told her the same as Tina. “Come on, honey, don’t leave anything out.”

Credence hadn’t known what to say; he’d just flushed and fallen silent.

A delighted grin broke out on Queenie’s face. She clapped her hands together, and said, “Oh. I just knew it!”

Several customers looked up from their phones, newspapers, and conversations. Credence shushed her. “It wasn’t really like that,” he said. “It was just…You know. Nice. Friendly.”

“Friendly,” she said, waving her hand scornfully. “I know friendly. That man hasn’t stopped making eyes at you since you first handed him a cup of coffee.”

Credence knew that wasn’t quite true; he’d been painfully invisible to Percy for quite some weeks until he’d plucked up the courage to speak to him.

He reminded Queenie of this, and in turn she reminded him how hard he’d worked to be invisible.

“You didn’t want to be seen, so you weren’t,” she said. “Now you’ve changed your mind, look what’s happened - he can’t take his eyes off you. Honey, the thing you have to decide now is - what next? How much do you want him to see, and how badly do you want him to?”

Which had indeed given Credence pause for thought.

He knew their date had been an odd one, and that Percy’s behaviour had been less than perfect. The television had told him dates should be romantic; they usually involved flowers and restaurants, kissing in the backs of taxis, being invited upstairs for something that pretended to be coffee. Tina’s face when he’d described it had told him plenty; she’d looked bemused and worried by turns, hiding it all under a well-meaning smile.

But Credence couldn’t help feeling it had been just right, somehow. He didn’t think he could even do the other kind of date; having to remember to do and say the right thing, put away the parts of himself that others would find difficult. He was quiet, prone to sudden silences. There were innocent questions about himself he wouldn’t want to answer. The time he’d spent with Percy had been flawed, yes, but it had been real. And easy; he’d been able to be himself.

Percy had come into the bakery one final time before it closed, to tell him his mother expected him to visit for Christmas. “Summoned,” he’d said, smiling. “Irascible old witch.” Credence had suddenly wanted to ask about her, about Percy’s family, his childhood, everything. But they only had a few minutes together - the café was crammed and Credence had customers to serve. No time for another kiss, either, but Percy had given him that warm look again, squeezed his shoulder, and promised he would hear from him soon.

And he’d kept his promise. To have Percy’s number in his phone was still new; Credence had spent quite some time looking at it, wondering if he should put it to use. The only messages they’d shared (a grand total of four) were to arrange the Kraft-Mart trip and no others had followed. But, now that Percy was somewhere upstate, every day brought a new message, often more than one. Sometimes Credence woke to find messages sent late the night before, at two, three, even four in the morning.

was made to go antiquing today, never been so bored, but i could see you liking it

mother’s cronies all turned up with cake and gingerbread - literally anything that could be iced. they’re arguing over whose is best so made me judge. your expertise is sorely missed.

have you ever been trapped in a room with a dozen merry widows and a bucket of eggnog?

if i don’t make it back alive, remember me fondly

and as the most of handsome man of your acquaintance

And again, about mid-morning:

what i wouldn’t give for a cup of your coffee right now

Credence spent a good portion of each morning tucked cosily up in bed, trying to decide how to respond. Each little insight was treasured; he tried to match the light-and-breezy tone but knew he fell desperately short. There were things he wanted to say instead - the kind of things Queenie had provoked him to examine - but it never seemed to be the right time.

Christmas Day itself was a strange one. Jacob, Tina and Queenie had asked him repeatedly if he wanted to do something but he honestly didn’t know. It had never been a celebration for him; no presents, no decorations, no family gathering around the table. Only church, twice a day, to pray for the souls of those infected by pagan wickedness. Peace on earth and goodwill to all men was not something his mother had encouraged or even practiced.

In the end, it was decided to spend the day together in a kind of non-religious family celebration. Queenie and Jacob made a special dinner and they spent the afternoon watching movies and the evening playing games. Credence was able to ignore his lingering unease and join in quite convincingly.

Percy was a hot topic of discussion, no matter how much Credence tried to change the subject. It didn’t help that his phone kept buzzing or that, every time it did, his hand twitched involuntarily towards it. Queenie kept biting her lip to hold in her eagerness. Tina merely looked curious, and Jacob oblivious.

“Is that him, honey?” Queenie asked, all innocence. “Is he having a good time?”

“Where did you say his mother lived?” Tina said. “Somewhere upstate, wasn’t it?”

Faced with two fronts of questioning, there wasn’t much Credence could do to avoid replying. “I think so,” he said to Queenie. “And I don’t know,” he said to Tina. “I- I didn’t ask, he just said upstate.”

Tina frowned a little. “What about his job - what does he do for a living?”

Queenie nudged her sharply and tried to cause a distraction by handing out more cookies.

Tina rubbed her side, glaring at Queenie. “I just mean,” she said, turning to Credence, “I don’t really know him. I only saw him that one time and I’ve never spoken to him - I’m trying to figure out what he’s like, not pry.”

“Your version of ‘not prying’ has too much in common with New York City’s finest,” Queenie said. “Let Credence have a little fun.”

“We never really talked about work,” Credence admitted.

What he didn’t add was that he had the sense Percy wanted to discuss it about as much Credence wanted to talk about his scarred wrists. There was an air of disappointment about him, and he knew Tina had correctly scented a mystery. And when Tina did that she was unlikely to let go until it was solved.

Surprisingly, it was Jacob who came to Percy’s defence.

“All I know is he comes in every day to see Credence,” he said. “As much as I’d like to believe it’s for my grandmother’s paczkis, I know when a man is thinking of his belly and when he’s thinking of his heart.”

Jacob pointedly reached for Queenie’s hand and kissed it; she made a soft happy sound and her smile was radiant. Credence didn’t know anyone who smiled so much, especially not when they meant it as genuinely as she did. It still amazed him that he’d managed to find such uncomplicated happiness, so willingly shared, and exactly when he’d needed it most.

Then, two things happened at once.

Credence’s phone, ignored during the double-pronged interrogation, began to ring silently. The last message, still unread, said: you able to talk?

And Tina, with a regretful tone, said, “Yes, but are you quite sure he’s thinking with his-”

“Oh,” Credence said, interrupting her. “It’s him, he’s calling me.”

Queenie beamed at him. “Well, don’t keep him waiting, sugar.”

Credence slipped quietly out of the room, studiously avoiding everyone’s eyes. He went into the bathroom and shut the door before answering.

“Merry Christmas, gorgeous,” said Percy’s voice. It sounded quite shocking, so close to his ear. “Did you have a nice day?”

Credence sank onto the floor, his back to the wall. He was unsure how to respond to that - ‘hello’ didn’t really seem like enough.

Percy spoke again before he could gather himself. “Sorry, my mother has a lot of very good brandy and I might’ve had a touch too much. If you knew her, though, you’d excuse me entirely.” There was a brief pause, a crackle on the line which might have been a sigh. “I don’t regret calling you gorgeous, though.”

Out of nowhere, Credence started to laugh, hard. He brought his knees to his chest and hugged them until it subsided. Hearing Percy’s voice again fixed something he hadn’t known was wrong; his laughter came from relief and pleasure and other, more complicated, feelings.

Percy chuckled in his ear. Credence tipped his head back against the wall and looked at the ceiling without seeing it.

“I think I missed you,” he said. It was much easier to say so on the phone; easier than writing it in little letters which would be there every time he looked at Percy’s messages. “No, I know I did. I only just realised it.”

He could hear the smile in Percy’s voice. “Well, that’s good news,” said Percy. “I missed you, too. You would’ve been a welcome presence today - your company’s very peaceful, did you know that? Far too many people here, too many voices and absolutely none I want to hear. Tell me about your day - did you do anything special?”

“Queenie and Jacob cooked,” Credence said. “She insisted, so all of us had dinner. I’m here now, hiding in the bathroom while they pretend not to listen.”

“Ahhh, New York apartments,” Percy said. “How nice it is to live alone. You must have been well fed, then?”

Credence laughed again. “Correct,” he said. “But, I don’t know, it was weird too. I’m not used to any of this.”

“The holiday stuff?” Percy asked. “Or is this a family thing?”

Credence sighed. “Both.” It was hard to explain, even to Percy. He was grateful to his friends but felt guilty for not enjoying it more. Instead, he heard himself say, “I think Tina and Queenie are arguing about you.”

“About me?”

“Yeah,” Credence said. “I mean, you know Queenie, but Tina’s kind of cautious. And she’s been protective of me ever since- Ever since I met her.”

There was a short silence where Credence cursed himself for almost bringing that up and waited fearfully for Percy to probe deeper.

But he didn’t. “I can see her point, actually,” he said. “In her place I might feel the same.”

“I don’t think it’s personal,” Credence said. “I guess she hasn’t met you. Not that I think you should meet her or anything - just, she’s a cop, she thinks a certain way.”

“A cop, eh?” Percy said. “But, seriously, it’s good she’s looking out for you. I’m glad.”

There was another silence. Credence wished very hard he could do light-hearted conversation like a normal person - he hadn’t meant for this to take such a turn. And now they were at a dead-end and he didn’t know how to get them out of it.

He wondered instead if Percy wanted to look out for him, too, or if he’d made himself sound like too much work to bother with.

“I regretted not getting you a gift today,” Percy said, suddenly. “I would’ve enjoyed thinking of you opening it this morning.”

“Oh,” Credence said. “That’s okay, I told everyone I didn’t want any.”

“No presents at all?” Percy said, in mock outrage. “Terrible. Impermissible. Not on my watch.”

Credence laughed at him, and felt some of his worries lift.

“How about this, then?” Percy said. “It turns out I did buy you one, but was too late to send it. So you can have it next time I see you. When does the bakery reopen?”

“On the second,” Credence said. “But no, really, you don’t have to. And I haven’t got anything for you.”

Percy laughed. “I nearly said something about your company being the only gift I need but that’s too cheesy, even for me. But what about all those delicious edibles you keep giving me? I think the scales are tipped too far in your favour - it’s time I evened it up a little.”

“Well,” Credence said, “I guess so?”

“I know so,” Percy said, firmly. “I’ll see you on the second.”

So, that had been that. Percy had asked if he could call again, which simultaneously caused Credence’s stomach to twist into knots and a gigantic smile to spring to his face. He might not be much good at talking on the phone but he wouldn’t have missed the nervous thrill of it for anything.

The rest of his holiday was spent in an easier frame of mind - enjoying it seemed less complicated now Christmas had passed. It helped that the curiosity he faced was rather more patient and, after he’d shared news of the present, a little more satisfied, too.

Opening day at the bakery was very quiet - the last thing anyone wanted was more pastry or hot drinks with extra cream. A few office workers came in for coffee first thing, and Queenie assembled a few salads for them to take back to their desks for lunch. The cold weather kept nearly everyone else away - temperatures had been freezing for the past few days and everyone was expecting snow. So when Percy came in, sometime in the early afternoon, the place was empty.

Credence tried not to smile too eagerly at him but his face wouldn’t obey. But Percy grinned back at him just as widely, so Credence decided it didn’t matter. He carried with him a large paper bag.

“I just got back,” he said, placing it carefully on a stool. “So I hope you’ve got some extra-hot coffee for me - I think the car heater’s bust.”

Credence set to work and tried to sneak glances at him out of the corner of his eye. He did look a little travel-crumpled, particularly underneath his heavy coat and scarf. The creases in his shirt matched the ones around his eyes; maybe he’d had to get up early for the drive back.

“Now,” Percy said, once he’d taken a long pull of coffee and seated himself at the counter. “I promised you something, so here it is.”

He put the bag in front of him and pushed it towards Credence.

Credence smiled helplessly again, and said, “You really didn’t have to, you know.”

“That’s the whole point of a gift, isn’t it?” Percy said. “I know I didn’t have to, I want to.”

Credence looked inside the bag - it contained something large wrapped in tissue paper. It was heavy, too - he hauled it out and set it on the counter before opening the paper.

Opposite him, Percy shifted nervously. “I was more confident when I was full of brandy,” he said. “If you don’t like it, just say. I can get you something else.”

Credence found himself looking at a big copper crown; a Victorian cake mould.

“I found it while bored out of my skull antiquing. I don’t know if you can use it or if you’d even want to…” Percy stopped, and then said, “Is it stupid? It’s stupid, isn’t it.”

Credence blinked at him and looked at the cake mould again. It was beautiful; perfect. And he thought Percy might be perfect, too. Which answered at least part of Queenie’s question.

“It’s not stupid,” he said, and leaned across the counter.

This time it was him who kissed Percy, and quite deliberately on the mouth.

Read on ao3 here

previous chapters on tumblr: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

ko-fi | what is weconqueratdawn up to?

[izzacsdreamsofrunningaway]

Anyway I’ve been on t for a month and I— I went to get my name change stuff filed, bought myself celebrating Starbucks and now I’m just vibing at 3am after my fifth shot shaking my leg around and trying to decide if I think I’ve done it right or if I think I’m gonna like have it just bloody fall off like

I know it’s only been like a month and honestly I’m still figuring out my shot and I’m currently switching pharmacies because my last one made me uncomfortable and not everyone in my life is supportive and everything is very aaaaaaaaaa right now but I don’t think I’ve consistently been this happy in... ever??? My mental health is a lot more manageable now, and I just feel...different. (Maybe it’s because Taylor keeps coming out with albums it’s pretty life changing to listen to) More a part of things and more motivated. Everything isn’t as exhausting to get through and being misgendered isn’t as hard to handle. Overall I’m doing... better. I still have my days, obviously, but they’re fewer.

I think one thing that I thought about a lot when I was younger but still feels hard to handle that people outside of this whole mental health recovery + transition ride don’t really get is this odd feeling I’ve got of being...like Awake after a really really long sleep is the best way I can describe it. I’ve spent a lot of my life in some pretty dark places with some pretty dark problems as I’ve touched on a bit publicly and I’ve delt a lot with dissociation and not feeling like I’m really A Part of the world, more so just...here. Viewing things and going through the motions. I feel more like an active part of my life the further I get from toxic habits and relationships and the more I accept myself and work towards finding and being who I am/want to be. It sounds awesome and like yeah, it is, but it’s also fucking terrifying. Like yeah dissociating and depression sucks but I was so use to that, to that not really being there and just letting whatever happened happen and not really being able to bring myself to care or feel like I was really in it. Now I feel like I’ve just woken up one day and suddenly I’m alive and present and figuring things out and things are moving and I’m moving and life is just happening all the time. It’s epic, and it’s jarring.

I try and be pretty candid about things, because there isn’t really much help in fogging everything up and making it prettier or hiding it is there? And I feel like reading things like this when I was younger is kinda what helped get me where I am now (yes I have probably read your tumblr rants about Trans and Mental health thoughts from 2012) so I’m paying it forward Universe. Getting better is scary and it’s hard work and you absolutely do have to look at life now, but it’s actually, sappily, worth it. I’ve only been on t a month, and I’m gonna be honest and say I didn’t think I’d get this far. So I’m just kind of figuring things out and being terrified and trying my best and trying to have some fun about it. Which is effectively my approach to my life in general it seems. A little messy but it seems to be working out pretty well. I still get a lot of outside doubt, but I said when I started and I was really scared that I was making a mistake, that I’d give it a month. If in a month I was like “absolutely not this isn’t helping” I’d just stop. No harm no foul no judge. And for the whole month I was like- just anxious and kinda at an empass. I didn’t really notice any emotions until I got to the end of the month and my fourth shot and I just- let out a breathe I didn’t know I’d been holding. I really felt like I was kind of scared to be excited or happy like I’d get up one day and poof this isn’t really happening or something would go wrong and I couldn’t be doing this. But after the month I realized, it’s okay. And it was like everything hit me at once and I couldn’t stop smiling now I can’t imagine why I ever doubted myself. Everyone else sounds like straight up thieves of joy when they say I’m not ready or I shouldn’t take t or go on with their transphobic blah. So now I listen to myself. And I take it a step at a time. And I tell myself that, this isnt something anyone can take from me except for me. And I’m not gonna keep myself away from being okay anymore.

So anyway... my leg kinda aches, if you’re reading this cause you’re taking t, and your leg kinda aches, and you think you’re dying, you are literally fine. Chill out. Also you’re very cool.

And that’s kind of it for this update. I’ll probably scream more later because I have So Many Thoughts.

[notalwaysontime]

Video Bootleg Guide

This is everything you need to know about The Release of new Video Boots, both before and after you get them, and information about how it all goes down for those who are confused about it, thus making them get very upset when a new one comes out and they can’t get it. A little understanding goes a long way.

I Apologize in advance for the length of this, but I wanted to include explanations not just dos and don’ts, because I know when I understand WHY, I’m more likely to remember and comply.

There’s been a lot of issues about the releases of new video bootlegs lately. And almost all the issues stem from people who jump into it without actually knowing or taking the time to find out how the whole process works. Beyond NFT Date confusion and the reason you buy it in the first place, which gets talked about endlessly, There are more things that come up that people don’t seem to realize it’s not ok to do, or could be damaging, also how to go about actually buying the bootlegs so here’s everything you need to know.

One thing to remember about this is that IT. IS. NOT. LEGAL. This is not an activity that should be splashed around all over the place. You really should not be openly advertising and shouting it from the rooftops. There should not be a hundred posts in a show’s tag saying things like “THERE”S A NEW _______ BOOTLEG OMG SOMEONE GET IT! WHO”S THE MASTER? WHERE DO I GET IT??????” Like a little subtly guys, seriously, keep this shit on the down low. You all really suck at treating this for what it is. If you’re gonna buy drugs, you’re not gonna yell out on the street “YO! THIS GUY HAS WEED COME BUY IT FROM HIM OVER HERE.” Or “EVERYONE LOOK I HAVE WEED, WHO WANTS SOME!?” A little discretion goes a long way, and understand that if you have none, you’re less likely to actually get answers from people when you have questions because the people who know what’s up won’t feel like they can trust you. I understand excitment. BE EXCITED! Just don’t throw all that excitement up in public posts.

Bootleg Releases/Buying the Videos

* Most masters have a mailing list you can get on, but they also announce their releases elsewhere. Do not expect people to just tell you who they are out in the open though. We protect the masters AT ALL COSTS, and honestly, most of what follows here is for that very protection. They risk A LOT so we can have these videos, and in return, the least we can do is protect them as best we can. That means private messages/emails/etc, not public (and as mentioned above, if it seems clear that you have no desire to respect, don’t expect to actually be given the information.)

* One big no no that’s been happening more and more lately is releasing masters’ screen caps. In the initial releases, masters will provide you with screen caps so that you can judge the quality of the video for yourself, and decide if you want to buy it or not if the quality matters to you. (It doesn’t to me so I almost never look at them, but some people it does). These caps are NOT for you to post. Like stop doing that. Remember what I said about protecting the master at all costs? Posting these is the opposite of that. It draws attention to them and the fact that this video exists and since it’s a new release it’s a hell of a lot easier to find than say one that’s been out for years. Do NOT underestimate Tumblr’s reach. People in the business have been catching wise to its existence for a long time now. You know that little show doing it’s Pre-Broadway run in Denver? A TON of stuff on Tumblr has been flagged by the people in charge of that show and taken down by Tumblr for violation. INCLUDING THE SCREEN CAPS FROM THE BOOT THAT SOMEONE POSTED. You know what that means? It means they knew it existed within days of it being filmed. That is not good. So please, I know you want to share them, I know you’re excited, but do NOT post these screen caps, share them privately, but do not post them.

* Before you contact the master, read all the information in their release posts, if any of their minimal guidelines are ones you cannot comply with, don’t contact them, it’s that simple. Wait for the NFT Date at that point. If it’s a solvable problem, ask someone else for help, but do not bother them with this extra burden, they have enough to deal with. (Ex. One master makes it clear they only take bitcoin, so if you cannot pay that way, do not waste their time. Either that, or find someone who can help you learn how to, or figure out how to pay them that way BEFORE you send an email)

* Masters are not quick to respond. They just aren’t. They have a lot of people contacting them, a lot of information to keep straight (not to mention they have jobs and lives). Email them once. THEY WILL GET BACK TO YOU. It can take 1-2 weeks to get an initial response about payment information. And once payment is made it can take another 1-2 weeks to actually receive the video. I usually don’t expect to have the DVD or link in hand until a month after I send my initial email.

* Every master is quite clear about their payment information and how they want things done, the directions are simple, so follow them to make their lives easier, because again, they have a lot to keep track of.

* It’s been said to death, but the reason we pay is to help them cover the expensive costs of getting us bootlegs in the first place. Its the least we can do since they risk so much for us. (Costs include, but are not limited to, Airfare, hotels, tickets to the shows, and filming equipment too. I know that once in a while, they like to buy new cameras so that the quality we get is better. That shit is expensive. Notice how amazing some of the more recent boots are? That’s because they have great equipment, and people who actually bought their videos from these masters helped them get that equipment.) Everything you pay these people gets put right back out FOR YOU. They don’t just profit and put it in their pocket, they use it to get more and more videos. Helping them helps you.

********* One MAJOR don’t that I’ve seen on the rise lately, and rest assured, continuation of this practice WILL make masters just decide to stop releasing videos, is this growing trend of “well the video is $20, so if we get 10-20 of us together we’ll only have to pay $1-2!!” STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT. Literally this is the worst, it is just as bad as releasing the video before the NFT date (more info on that below), its disrespectful and just rude. You bought ONE copy. If you have 10-20 pitch in, only ONE of you gets the video until the NFT date which hey, if that’s how you want to do it, that’s no skin off my nose, but that’s not what happens. You buy ONE copy between 20 of you, and then 20 copies exist where only one should. If you don’t have the $20 yourself, THEN WAIT. One of the perks of helping the master out is that you get the video 3-4 months before anyone else. Pay your fair share and give them a hand. It’s an insult to the risks they take when you’re a cheap ass like that. Do you go to Starbucks a few times a week?  Skip a visit each week and put that money in a jar, or ask anyone if there’s odd jobs they need help with for $5. Save it up, then when a video is released that you are DYING to have, you’ll have the money to pay for it. If it means as much to you as some of you say, you can find a way to do it, $20 really isn’t that much, YOU CAN DO IT! And if you truly can’t, I promise the wait time between then and the NFT date isn’t so bad, especially when you factor in the fact that you’ll be waiting one of those months anyway, even if you buy, like I mentioned above.

Getting the Video

So, You’ve Received Your Video, now what? Well first off, ENJOY IT! Watch it, laugh, cry, flail, watch it again, die, etc! I mean that’s what they’re here for! But after that, there are still some rules that need to be followed.

* Screen Caps and gifs, see the above point about the masters’ screen caps. It’s just not a good idea, and you really should stop. I know you want to gif and show off and have your favorite moments on a loop, but remember, these are still super new, it’s dangerous to bring this kind of attention to them. (Say it with me kids: PROTECT THE MASTER AT ALL COSTS!) The newer a bootleg is, the more dangerous it is. Old bootlegs, even ones that are just a couple years old don’t draw as much attention, and are a lot harder to track down the origins of them, so gifs don’t hurt anything, but one where maybe only a handful of people own it? Well that’s not hard at all. A good rule of thumb is if the NFT Date has not passed, keep the video, in it’s entirety to yourself. Make gifs to your heart’s content, but save them for the day that date passes.

* One thing master’s make very clear is never to upload their videos, but it keeps happening, and it’s another issue causing trouble. (Once again for the people in the back: PROTECT THE MASTERS AT ALL COSTS) Youtube is the least stealthy site there is, EVERYONE is on youtube. My mom who can’t ever remember the web address for it is on youtube, and I don’t care what “clever” name you think you gave it, it’s not hidden. I accidentally found a TROVE of NFT videos uploaded to youtube within about 5 minutes of being on the site. I wasn’t even trying and they popped up in the sidebar of a video I was watching. They get found. There is a reason the master’s request this so STOP uploading them! If you want to share the video when the date passes, upload it to a site like mega or mediafire, make them download it, but stop making them publicly streamable. (Do not even get me started on the existence of stage dork, like seriously guys? That site is just irresponsible. Remember, ILLEGAL activity here.)

* Also, come on, use your heads, never post your upload link publicly. I cannot stress enough that this shit needs to be kept on the down low. (Audios are illegal too, yes, but they honestly aren’t as big a deal as the videos.)

* NFT (Not for Trade) Until Dates - These are the BIGGEST thing you need to adhere to. Making the video NFT Until a certain date give the master not only the ability to make a little money from the people who have to have it RIGHT NOW and can’t wait, to cover their enormous costs, but it also protects them (Ok, you know the motto by now.) It keeps the video private until usually around 6-9 months after it was initially filmed and also gives it some distance from them as the filmer. When it starts circulating widely at that point it’s old enough that it doesn’t feel like such an immediate threat. Now, while trade may be in the name, it goes beyond and implies (and masters also state) no gifting til that day either. If a master sells 20 copies of a video, only 20 should exist until that date.

* Twitter and instagram - Guys, NEVER. EVER. EVER. Tweet or tag or whatever a bootleg or a screen cap of a bootleg or a gif or video clip to an actor. Just don’t. MOST get pissed, most hate them. It’s just safer for EVERYONE that you don’t. (Never forget the time someone even just accidentally tweeted a clip to someone (I can’t remember who), but they didn’t know it was a bootleg and the person was cleary mad. So like don’t do it on purpose. Some won’t mind, but it’s not worth the risk, It’s a slippery slope, so just assume that if you do this, the wrath of Patti LuPone will come down on you like the fire of a thousand suns. It’s not safe for you.

Other Stuff

* If you decided to wait for the NFT Date to pass, have some patience. The amount of posts I saw downright DEMANDING, the Bandstand video the SECOND the NFT date passed was disgusting, especially since all the people making said posts were outright expecting people to just give them the video. If Someone has intentions to gift a newly available bootleg, they will. But being rude about it won’t get you anywhere, and it’ll just piss people off. Also understand that newly available videos, for most people, are not things they gift, because remember, they paid actual money for it, so they’d like to get a little return on their investment in the form of other shows. (This is how, for the record, I grew my collection to the size it is. A friend started me off with a generous amount of gifts and I thank god for her every day because I was new and desperate and I saw the promised land on her trading site. After that I started buying the new videos and when the dates passed, I had things people wanted, so I was able to trade them for the videos I wanted. Also for the new videos I decided I didn’t want to spend money on.) So what I’m saying is, be on the look out for someone hinting that they have it for gift but you can’t always expect that.

* I get just waiting for a gift of a video if you only want a couple show bootlegs, but for some of you, who say bootlegs are your life and all you have, but who are still expecting everything to be gifted to them, you should really look into, and consider trading. Your life will be a whole lot easier, and honestly its not that hard. Look for people who give gifts, email people with large sites politely with a few wants and ask if they mind helping a new guy out (hint: The older the requests, the more likely they will be to gift it, things that are 5 years or so old, I’m pretty much guaranteed to pass it along.) Things you get might be common, but not everyone has them. THere’s a lot of common videos I don’t have, and when someone is new, I will try my best to pick something I don’t have out from their list. I was new at a time too, people showed me kindness, so I pass it along. It took me  no time, and just a little effort to grow my list to the behemoth I have now and I’m a happy girl. Also, trade people for things you might not want, necessarily, because someone else who has something you want might just want that video you weren’t interested in. It works, trust me!

* Video bootlegs are not super common, most shows will only get one, MAYBE two. Anything beyond that is lucky. (Wicked is the anomaly, and to a slightly lesson degree, Legally Blonde) If a new video comes out you’ll know, but your wasting your time if you go around saying things like “Someone film _____ tonight Becasue ________” Filmers don’t take requests, deciding to go and film takes planning. They’ll film what shows they want when they want, and there’s only about 5 of them so don’t expect that it’ll happen on a whim, and really the odds that some random person will A) just decide to film the show and b) that they’ll do it well and not get caught if they do, are slim to none.

And ok, it’s nearly 830 am and I’ve yet to sleep, so I think that’s everything and remember kids be kind to one another.

Also if anyone has anything that they feel needs to be added, or that I did not touch on, message me or comment on the post and I’ll edit!

[nichetales-archived]

About Me As A Writer

Tagged by @shitabukenjirou ~ <3 

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean? Foxyena and FoxyenaArts is my name for all platforms. It makes me easy for commissioners to find, and dates back to my years doing furry art commissions, which is also where the name originates. 

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos).

Well, the most hits & kudos is Skipping Practice with nearly 17k hits and ~630 kudos, but Courtship of the Owl has the most subscriptions and bookmarks. 

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

The same as the one I use here. I tend to only use one icon for all sites at once, and I love Matsukawa + glasses and smoking aesthetic so~ 

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

I do! I don’t know most of their tumblr usernames, but there certainly are a few lovely people I am always excited to see comments from. 

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

Honestly, there’s a few. I reread fics a lot, but my favorite that I find myself always coming back to is  Lust and Lies by DeathBelle aka @worthlesspride. 

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I currently have 253 bookmarks and 223 subscriptions. 

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

I don’t have a particular AU. I have ~50 fics in progress and aside from those in a series, they vary from Transhumanism/Cyborg AU to cute lil’ Coffee Shop AU. I actually try really hard to have variety. 

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

348 Subscriptions and 525 Bookmarks

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

I have a TenSemi fic titled Human Juice that is literally nothing but all of my kinks out in the open and I’m so sorry for anyone who chooses to read that whenever I release it. It has everything from Erotic Electrostimulation to Blood Play and more. So much more. If you wanna know more about it, feel free to ask I guess lol.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

Fluff and just.. happy things. I thrive on painful/angsty/poetic forms of writing and I struggle with just letting them be happy for once. 

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

Both! Right now my posted works are mostly popular ships for main ship, but I have dozens of fics in the works for rare pairs like MatsuKuro, GoshiShira, SemiSuga, OiYama, and more. Courtship of the Owl even has Komori/Konoha in it. 

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

Only 9, but that is about to change real soon ‘cause Avery here has no self control and can’t write just one fic at once apparently. 

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

63 total. 7 of them are for YOI, and the rest are all Haikyuu!!

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I write down all of them. My process actually starts with coming up with a title and creating a premise and theme around the title of the fic. 

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

Yessir! I have co-authored 2 works with @tettsuroo, though one is not complete yet. 

16. How did you discover AO3?

I honestly don’t remember. 

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Absolutely not. 

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

nnnnoooo? 

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

Several, but most notably was @worthlesspride, @tettsuroo, and @kaiyouchan.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

Learn from other authors. Pay attention to what you like about their works and learn from your peers. Don’t be afraid to reach out, make friends, and create a network of support around you. Learn from others, but always be you. 

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I’ve done both. Courtship of the Owl has a 22 page outline detailing everything that happens in it, while Petals of Pining never had an outline at all. One-shots normally don’t get outlines either. Just lengthy, detailed multi-chapters that have complex plots and subtle details/foreshadowing. 

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

Yes, I have. Someone who I had read and commented on their work supportively commented on one of mine; they disagreed with the ending I wrote and tried to “fix” it, telling me what should have happened and ending the comment saying something similar to “now all is right with your world”.  I simply commented stating I had revoked any and all support/comments/bookmarks of their work and that I didn’t want to associate with someone who thought that was appropriate behavior. 

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

I struggle with scene transitions sometimes. How does one get from point A to point B... 

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

You Can See My List of Current Projects Here But Courtship of the Owl and my Secret Santa ficlet + art is my primary focus atm. That list is roughly in priority order. Roughly.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I mean... have you seen my Current Projects list? 

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

Mm not really. I try to at least work on something daily, though. The amount may vary depending on how strenuous my job was that day or if I had time to be on the computer or if I was writing on my phone. 

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Sometimes I wanna vomit when I read work that I wrote only a few months ago so I would assume so, yes. 

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Demons Wear Contacts.  It’s not released yet, but it’s a Demon!Matsukawa MatsuHana fic. I’ve never had so much fun writing before. The fic is in Makki’s perspective, and will be my next multichapter fic after Courtship of the Owl is done. 

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

My early works, especially the YOI ones. I had never really written before and while I’ve still only been writing for about a year now, they make me cringe so hard. I’ve been thinking about orphaning them, honestly. 

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Probably doing the same thing I am now, maybe for a new fandom.  I hope to do more zines though. I’ve quite enjoyed those. 

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

For me, it’s sensations. I love writing what people feel, the emotions, the sensations of touch, taste, see, etc. Or planning. I’m really good at plannin’ stuff. 

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Finding the time and energy to dedicate to doing it. Also writing fluff. I’m so bad at writing happy things, you guys. 

33. Why do you write?

It’s something I enjoy, and it’s another way I can be part of a community, a network of people who enjoy what I do and I can build friendships with. 

Tagging: @tettsuroo, @worthlesspride, @madamemalfoy21, @hajiiwa, @rhealmobsidi, @quinnlocke, @crown-of-winterthorne, @aizawa-shoutas, @mystictrashheap

[artificialqueens]

Tectonics Ch. 3 (Katlaska)- Hexen

AN: Not sure if I’m doing romantic pairings yet. I’ve got a setup that works for Katlaska (duh lol), Trixya and/or Shalaska, or none at all, so let me know what you prefer! Also I have my own Tumblr now wooo.

Summary: After All Stars 2, things between Alaska and Katya are—in a word—awkward. Their budding friendship fizzled out in the heat of the show, and even though they’re back to normal life now, neither really knows how to change things back … until one of them gets sick.

The hospital ride was a stressful, hellish blur. Everything was too loud and too cramped and too…scary, if Katya were being honest. It felt like she was watching the scene from above rather than actually acting it out, and she curled into her own mind as things got more intense in order to cope. She wished Trixie were there to give her a hug (she gave the best ones). Or Alaska, though that wasn’t really possible at the moment. It wasn’t until they finally arrived at the emergency room that she finally snapped out of her daze, just in time to watch Alaska’s eyes flutter slightly.

As she was lowered on a gurney and pushed through the hospital doors, Alaska didn’t open her eyes fully, but she did manage to get out three words.

“D-don’t,” she started, with Katya following her and listening intently as if her life depended on it, “Tell. Michelle.”

As Alaska disappeared into the depths of the hospital and Katya was relegated to the front entryway, she stood in a completely stunned silence. She felt a bit slighted for some reason. It just didn’t feel real, none of it felt real. Remarkably, she felt like crying and hysterically laughing at the same exact time, but her emotions felt so out of control and scrambled that she didn’t know which to start with.

Taking a trembling breath, she slowly lowered herself into a waiting room chair, her head foggy and breath shallow. What the actual fuck just happened?

A buzz from her phone pulled her out of her stupor momentarily.

“Everything OK?” It was from Michelle. Fuck, Katya realized, they had been gone for a long time.

She could—and if she were honest, she should—tell Michelle what was happening. It was the logical and responsible thing to do. She should tell Michelle to high tail it to the hospital, to call Alaska’s family, and to take Alaska off the tour roster for now because she clearly wasn’t well. But Katya hesitated. Because she never claimed to favor to the logical and responsible.

“All good,” she texted back hastily before it really sunk in what she was saying—well, really what she was not saying. “Taking longer than we thought to find stuff. Finish rehearsal without us.”

Oh fuck. Why’d she have to go and listen to Alaska. She clearly wasn’t the best judge of action at the moment, but even so, Katya felt that external guidance, even from the worst source, was better than none at all. Still though, she felt queasy, and had to swallow a few times to shake the sinking feeling that she was going to vomit all over the waiting room chairs.

Katya was an amazing friend, a hilarious confidant, and damn good at cheering people up, but she sometimes didn’t know how to handle the more serious stuff. The kind of stuff that seemed to embed and burrow into her brain to haunt her. The kind of stuff that kept her up at 4 in the morning, worrying about whether if that joke she made on UNHhhh would cause Trixie to get sick of her, or whether she was good enough or deserving enough of the fans who made her art that night, or whether that party comment she made to Alaska that she replayed over and over and over and over in her head made her a bad person and if she and the snake queen were OK or not.

She guessed she had somewhat of an answer to the last one, since it seemed that Alaska wasn’t OK period. Still though, she wanted something tactile to cling to, and as if the stars aligned and someone heard her pleas, that’s exactly what she got in the form of two completely different text messages

“Where are you??” one read. From “Tracy Martel.” With a picture of a Malibu Barbie doll as the contact’s photo. Trixie.

“Tell Alaska to stop goddamn ignoring my shit. No 1 word answers either,” read the other. From “Ooky Spooky.” With a picture of a Count Chocula cereal box as the contact’s photo. Sharon Needles.

Katya let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding at the sight of the texts. For some reason, telling Trixie and even Sharon, whom she wasn’t very close to, about Alaska seemed to be less intrusive than her telling Michelle. Plus Alaska hadn’t told her to not tell anyone period, just not the mama bear. Katya could live with that. She supposed she shouldn’t tell them during rehearsal though, when so many others were around to get suspicious. Drag queens were nothing if not gossipy.

“Meet me at my apt after rehearsals,” Katya texted Trixie. “Bring Needles. Will explain there.”

Cryptic? Yes. But also pretty damn serious for a Katya text. 99 percent of her texts to Trixie were stream of consciousness rants or poop emojis or random ass gifs of celery or frogs or Costa Rica, so she knew that the even tone of the message would show the Barbie queen that something was up without her having to say more than that. God she was thankful for their friendship.

She was less sure of what to say to Sharon, so she figured just biting the bullet would be the best course of action.

“Can you meet Alaska, Trixie, and I after the show? My place. Important,” she rattled off, before shutting off her phone. She knew she’d be getting follow up texts, for sure from Sharon and maybe from Trixie, but she didn’t feel equipped to deal with that right now. Katya figured that felt her texts were serious enough to get them to her place without too many questions. She hoped she was right.

She had only been sitting for a half hour when a nurse called her over, Katya practically tripping over her own shoes as she surged forward.

“She’s awake now,” the nurse said. “You can go in.”

When Katya walked through the door of Alaska’s hospital room, and when she finally spied the queen she had spent so much time worrying about in the waiting room, she was overwhelmed with emotion.

Alaska looked beat, and not in a good way. There were bags under her eyes and she was still a touch too pale, and the way her shoulders hunched forward made Katya want to pull her into a hug. So she did.

Not a word was said as Katya walked straight up to Alaska and pulled her into her chest. She held her there firmly, the only movement being her hand, which lightly rubbed the back of Alaska’s neck.

Alaska took a few short shaky breaths as tears started to drip down her face.

“I’m sorry Katya, ugh. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I’m so sorry,” she said. “This is so embarrassing.”

Alaska leaned back to pull away from the hug, but Katya’s arms stayed firm and pulled her in in even closer.

“Don’t,” Katya said. “Don’t say that.”

“I didn’t think this would happen, I never would’ve b-brought you if I thought—“

Katya put her hands on Alaska’s shoulders and gently pushed her back a tiny bit so they could see eye to eye.

“Alaska don’t. That was so fucking scary, I can’t even—“ Katya started. “I can’t even explain how fucking happy I am that you’re awake.”

“I’m really sorry,” Alaska said as Katya drew her closer again. The hug was extremely comforting for them both. Alaska had woken up confused and shaky and afraid, but something about having Katya there with her arms around her made her feel stable and OK again. For Katya, having Alaska physically in front of her with her eyes open again helped calm some of the word hurricanes blowing through her brain.

The two queens took deep breaths, basking in the moment, before Alaska finally pulled back more to look directly at Katya.

“Thank you,” she said quietly. “For helping me. I’m really sorry.”

Katya smiled sadly. “I know,” she said. She had so many questions on her mind, and even in this delicate situation, she wasn’t one to try and beat around the bush. Katya respected Alaska a lot, but she felt she deserved to know what the hell was going on, even if the question was ill-timed.

“Alaska,” she began. “What…the fuck happened to you?”

The snake queen swallowed and looked down at her fingers, picking at them a little bit.

“I, um, I fainted,” said Alaska. “The doctor said it was a lot of things. Lack of sleep, not enough water, too much stress, not enough food. It was my own fault really. I can usually feel it coming on more, but this time I didn’t really realize how bad it was until I was in the aisle, and by the time I did, nobody was around before I, well, hit the floor.”

The thought of Alaska panicking in the aisle by herself before fainting made Katya’s frown deepen, but something else Alaska said caught her attention.

“You said you can usually feel it. How much does this happen?”

Alaska looked down, fully ashamed.

“Not often,” she said, training her eyes anywhere but towards Katya. “It’s my own fault, I was stupid. I’m sorry.”

Katya sighed.

“You don’t have to stay, I’m OK now,” Alaska added. Katya’s eyes snapped up in surprise. “You’ve already done more than enough. You should get back to the other queens, I promise I’m fine.”

“You are not fine,” Katya said. “And you are not going home by yourself.”

“Katya, I haven’t been home in literal weeks, this was just a spell, I am completely fi—“

“No, you’re not,” Katya interrupted simply. “You said you were sorry, you can show me you mean that by listening to me. You’re coming home with me tonight.”

Alaska put her head in her hands, tears beginning to well up as she felt helpless yet again that day. “Katya, you’ve done enough, I don’t want to be more of a burden, I want to handle this myself.”

She couldn’t see Katya with her head in her hands, but she felt the older queen’s hand on her knee, and when she spoke, it was noticeably softer.

“I know. And you will. But tonight, I need you to come back with me. Please Alaska.”

Alaska knew she had put Katya through enough that day, and whether she liked it or not, she owed her. She met the other queen’s eyes before giving a small nod, wiping away the tears that threatened to spill.

“OK,” she said. “OK.”

As Katya felt her phone buzzing in her pocket, no doubt with questions from Sharon and/or Trixie, she said a silent prayer that she was really doing the right thing after all.  

[fyodorsuggestions]

Tagged by @fy-soukoku

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

My A03 username, and main blog and twitter and facebook and freaking discord and literally every single thing is Darke_Eco_Freak either with hyphens, spaces or underscores and basically I was an edgy 11 year old who loved Jak II and the concept of the evil version of the protag Jak. Only I wanted to be extra Edge™ so I added an extra E to dark.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Hits: Sex Pollen isn’t a real Thing (it was one of the first smuts I wrote and it’s kinda bad now whoops)

Kudos: Sex Pollen again

Comments: T(w)o Me, Fo(u)r Us, or as I call it 2/4

Subs: 2/4

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s been Virus from this piece of art for some months now. Why? Because Kat made it and I love it a lot so you know

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Um damn, I haven’t gotten regular comments in a few months except from my friends whom I spam with my many many fics. I’m actually in another fandom I made another archive account for because reasons but yeah. My friends are my fave

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I haven’t actually read fic in a while, there’s one or two Daredevil ones I think about but I don’t go back and re-read, my attention span’s been pretty shit for a while.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I’m not subbed to anyone but I have bookmarked 6 fics

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

None really. My latest fandom isn’t really open for AU’s, well written Au’s at least and yes I’m forever salty over that. Hmm, if there’s one I like to toy with though it’s Evil AU’s, you know the villain turns bad AU? Love em

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Subs: 465

Bookmarked: 2133

I don’t really care though because A) I’ve been in a lot of fandoms since 2014 and I know most ppl are here for the porn as per comments on said porn.

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Idgaf. I’ve written necro, cannibalism, torture porn, self-insert stuff. Honestly I dump most of what my other fandom wouldn’t accept on this one. Plus Fyodor is a very easy character to manipulate for me so it’s always fun.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d like to be better about my chaptered fics, not abandoning them and things like that. Also, action scenes, I want to get better at those.  

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I multiship myself to hell. For this fandom I write whatever catches my eye because I don’t know the characters all that well? The running meme of me not watching the show is still a thing. In my other fandom, I’m one of the few writers around and I write every single ship I can think of cause I can.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

One my darke account: 73, on my other account; 10 but I post a lot to tumblr and don’t really cross post all that much.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I can’t tell you that because I just keep huge word docs around but for the year I’ve written about 600 k so that’s cool.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I just write off the top of my head most of the time, I’ll talk out a plot with a friend sometimes but otherwise it’s just whatever I feel as the day goes.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

I have, two, soon to be three.

16. How did you discover AO3?

I think I saw someone on ff.net mention it and I started looking at the site.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Fuck no lol. I’m here writing the rarest of pairs and writing oc/characters, not to mention in first person sometimes and those tags alone mean ppl won’t read. Eh, I’m just posting to archive to bolster the number of fics a character has tbh. (this is for BSD fandom but I’ve never been a popular/famous author in any fandom)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Umm, half the time I’m not sure I have ppl beyond friends who read my fics so yeah.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I’d say Lakshmi Persad, a local author. Mostly because I hated having to do that book in lit class and wanted to do better than her.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

If you want it, make it. I’m serious, don’t count on anyone to make the content you want to see, do it yourself and people might follow suit, if not, at least you made it. Hella.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I finish stories and still have no idea if I figured them out or not.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I’ve gotten a few, mostly I ignore them. But there was this one fic, it wasn’t for anyone but me and I shouldn’t have posted it at all but I did and someone told me that the characterization was completely wrong for the character I was writing and I ended up leaving the fic alone for months and months. I got back to it eventually but I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish that fic tbh.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action gives me joint pain. I just how do you make it flow?

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

I want it All

Deathless Sleep

Missing Pages

Five times he fell

Divine(d) Visions

2/4

Many lil drabbles and sexy times.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I can’t plan to save my life

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

It used to be 300 a day now it’s 2k because apparently I hate myself. Most of the time I meet it, between the two fandoms I write for daily so yay.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Absolutely.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Step back Through Time and Remember my Touch, definitely those two. One’s the original fic and the other is the sequel. Best things I wrote all year

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Maybe Gone, that’s a really old one but god the cringe.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully I figured out those damn action scenes.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

I think bringing the characters to life in my own head is the easiest thing.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Not letting lack of feedback get to me cause I’m not writing popular shit, I don’t expect it but god damn it gets discouraging as fuck to see something I worked hard on just kinda flop and drown.

33. Why do you write?

I can’t do anything else and crave validation like the attention whore I am.

I’m tagging @chuuyasuggestions @kyusakusuggestions um idk who has archive shit. If you follow me and you see it, you have to do it okay? 

[supertam87]

How are you still a fan of Sam after all he's let happen to the fandom and to shippers in his name? You haven't personally been hurt by it so is it easier for you to ignore and pretend none of it ever happened? I'm struggling with my feelings about him and would love your insight.

As I have always said, I fan how I choose, and do my best to allow others the same privilege. If anyone reading this thinks I am talking about you, I promise you, I’m not.

I am sorry that there are people in the fandom who feel hurt. Its a shame that that was the result of something that should have been a fun and light-hearted experience. Please, however, don’t make assumptions, even posed as a question, such as ‘You haven’t personally been hurt by it so is it easier for you to ignore and pretend none of it ever happened?’ You don’t know what I have and haven’t been hurt by in this fandom, or by whom. I’m not pretending or ignoring anything. But I’m also not letting things have more presence in my life than they deserve.

You ask how I can still be a fan of Sam. First of all, I don’t believe that Sam did anything to fans, or allowed anything to be done to fans. I’ll talk more about that later. Even if I believed Sam did do something, that still doesn’t require me to stop supporting him. There is no one on this earth who has ever hurt me as deeply as my husband. No one has ever hurt him as deeply as I have. We don’t set out to hurt each other, but life is messy and people are imperfect. This is why I work every day of my life to practice the brutally hard art of forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t an ‘If/Then’ equation. It’s not, ‘If this person is submissive and humble and admits all of their faults, then I will forgive.’ Forgiveness is a single party activity that is not dependent on any other person’s actions or opinions. I can forgive my husband when he hurts me because I choose to, whether or not he has asked for forgiveness. Forgiveness is for me, not him. Forgiveness makes me a better, happier, stronger person, more in control of my life. Let me ask you a question: Why would I NOT forgive my husband? Why would I hold on to anger, hurt or frustration? How would it benefit me? What would I get out of it? Heartburn, high blood pressure, anxiety - I don’t need more of that in my life. Besides, I know my husband is a really, really excellent man. His list of positive qualities is miles long. But he is imperfect, as am I. I forgive him, he forgives me, we focus on being better, learning from our mistakes and reveling in the soul fulfilling joy we find in each other. That is not ignoring or pretending, that is choosing our own happiness and health in spite of the messiness that is sharing life with another human. We are all responsible for our own happiness and happiness is a choice. My life is far from perfect and far from easy, but I am a generally happy person because I choose to be. Even if he did do something which hurt me (he didn’t), I can choose to forgive and move on. How can I still be a fan of Sam? Because I choose to be.

You ask how I can still be a fan of Sam after all he’s let happen to the fandom. He didn’t let anything happen to the fandom. We are not some unified group who get together each month and read the minutes and faithfully follow the bullet items on the agenda. Fandoms are very fluid bodies. There is no entrance exam, or document to sign, no oath to swear or dues to pay. People come and go as they please with no explanation due anyone at any time. Therefore, there is no control over what happens in a fandom at any given time, and my perception of this fandom is completely different from another fan, who may not be on Tumblr, but is on Twitter, or who is on Tumblr, but we have no followers in common. There are the Instagram fans, the Facebook fans, the multi-platform fans, the book group fans - and in each of these areas there are subsets of fans such as fanart, fanfiction, shipper, non-shipper, gifmaker, video maker, live tweeter, sam fan, cait fan, toby fan, graham fan, duncan fan, etc, etc, etc. There are thousands upon thousands of people who consider themselves part of this fandom. There are subsets of this fandom I probably haven’t even conceived of. We couldn’t possibly all share the same experiences, even in the same fandom, because there is simply too much diversity on every possible level. Therefore it is literally impossible for anything to happen to the fandom. You believe that something terrible happened to the shippers, but not even that is possible. Who are the shippers? Am I one, do you know how I categorize myself? We are all in control of our own experience. Sometimes that means not engaging or blocking, muting, ignoring, biting your tongue and generally not paying attention to people who don’t deserve your attention. It’s not Sam’s job to tutor us all about how to successfully fan, and it’s not his job to soothe ruffled feathers when one person hurts another person. How could he even begin to know? There are two sides to every story, so even if he was made aware of one side, what about the other side? We are adults. Our problems are our own. Not his. He has enough problems.

Again, you ask how can I still be a fan of Sam after everything that was done in his name. I don’t buy it. I refuse to hold Sam liable for other people’s actions. They are responsible for those actions. I am a Christian. I do not condone the thousands of years of atrocities that have been and continue to be committed in Jesus Christ’s name. I’m pretty sure He doesn’t either. I’m pretty sure Mohammed and Allah and myriad other well known figures don’t condone what was/is done in their names. I also believe that you are making assumptions about what Sam has condoned and what he hasn’t, what he knows and what he doesn’t and what his responsibilities are. Some people see malice where others see sarcasm. Some see apathy where other’s see focus directed somewhere else. We simply don’t know what has gone on behind the scenes, or what people really felt, thought or did. If someone was a horrible bully or troll (and there were several someones) that is on them. They made bad decisions. Really bad decisions. I do know that no one was required to engage with anyone else on Twitter or any other platform. Lucky for me, it isn’t my job in life to judge other people. My job is to do my best to be a good person and be good to other people. I believe we should try to lead by example. I am a fan of Sam because I don’t believe he did anything or allowed anything to be done to fans.

Do you really want to know why I am still a fan of Sam? You think you’ve been hurt by him, or someone associated with him? You think this has caused great distress in your life? Maybe it has. Here is something I know about Sam. His dad left him when he was three. Three years old. I have four kids. I know intimately what it’s like to have a three year old. I know how much they need. I know what it takes to raise a boy to manhood. It’s not easy. Sam had no contact with his dad. None. No advise, no outings, no support, no role model. He had no father. I’m sure this hurt him deeply and continues to hurt him. After years of absolutely no contact with his father, they were reconnected. His dad was dying of cancer. He did not push him away, tell him to die alone, tell him that he left so there could be no relationship, or any of a million other things he could have done. He chose the higher path. He traveled to see his father. He truly connected with him. He learned about him. He go to know him. He offered him love and support as this flawed man was dying. In short, he offered at least some form of forgiveness. I’m sure it was hard for him. I’m sure there were many horrible things he wanted to say. Maybe he did say them. But we know from his own words that it didn’t end on a horrible note. It ended on a positive, healing, healthy note. That’s pretty remarkable and admirable. That’s just one example out of many that illustrate why I think Sam is worthy of my attention. He is a good man. He is generous with his time, talent and wealth. He cares about people and he isn’t afraid to get his hands dirty in the process of helping others.

You are absolutely not required to be a fan of Sam. It’s a supremely optional activity. But my question for you is why would I NOT be a fan of Sam? I have yet to hear a single person give me even one legitimate reason why I shouldn’t be a fan, considering that I should probably hold him to the same standard to which I hold myself. We’re both pretty flawed, messy humans. Isn’t life grand?

[ace-aro-queerplatonic-positivity]

Personal Masterpost 2017 #2

So my last Personal Masterpost is from February 2017, now it's almost June and almost my 18th birthday (I won't tell you the date, just pretend it doesn't happen).

So here it is, my life and all about my queer self discovery which partly to be found here - main parts are copied from the last "Personal Masterpost 2017". If you are interested in hearing more about myself (my battle with bullying and depression) I can post that on my private blog, I feel that doesn't belong here.

The typical “growing up asexual” doesn’t apply to me.
I always thought I was bisexual as soon as I had learned the term… because… Girls? Boys?
I was repulsed by either genitalia until the age of roughly 14… but let’s start from the… well, start. I, like many aces, also had a journey of IDing bisexual at first… when I was around 12 I had made a really good female friend and by now (almost 18 y/o) we are even closer and get physical (platonically) sometimes. By then she was pretty stuck in her mothers perception of how the world has to be and I introduced her to terms like bisexuality and shocked her as I told her I once dreamed about kissing her. She said it was cool with her as long as I didn’t actually kiss her because she didn’t want to kiss anyone and despite not being stiff any more (I have to pat my own shoulder here, I shocked her enough to get her freaky like me) she hasn’t had any crushes or so on. So I shoved it back into my mind that I was probably bisexual and only had crushes on guys and her. Now that I am further educated on stuff like platonic love and also Squishes and queer platonic relationships I can tell and in fact told her that's how I feel. She is the platonic love of my life and knows by now, she even felt bad about rejecting me (I am just happy she still stays with me after all the trouble I caused her).

I was nervous around some dudes, I was excited and seen from my perspective now that was only because NO ONE wanted contact with me except for some individuums. As I went on my gender-journey (I discovered the term genderfluid on “have a gay day” on FB, looked it up and came to terms with genderqueerness and non-binary genders; by now I go mostly by just enby/genderqueer even tho I am rather neutrois/agender but solarian/male aligned) I also started a LDR (around age 14) with a person who introduced me to practical sex for the first time, even tho I was “used” to smutty fanfictions (reading and writing - this is important later on) by the time already.

I only afterwards was told and recognised for myself how many many characteristics of an abusive relationship applied to the way they treated me.
I was repulsed by either genitalia until the age of roughly 15… I had this partner at that time and grew to overcome this repulsion. We were together for over a year as they asked me to finally have sex, I was a virgin, was excited and we had “starting problems”. I think me being overly excited because of my first relationship and being overwhelmed by the new experiences was why I didn’t realise I didn’t finde them attractive. In that way. Idk if really never found them sexually appealing but it makes sense and explains why I was extremely shy even after it wasn’t that new to me. So you see, especially at young age (who am I to judge with my 18 years) you easily confuse sexual and romantic attraction. I didn’t even know you can split those two up!!

And I only knew about homo-, hetero- and bisexuality at the age of 15 so I figured I must be bi because I felt men and women were equally sexy… not at all to be exact.
 Asexual and Aromantic spectrum identities were literally the latest I discovered!
I knew about pan, poly, heteroflexible etc. since last year (2016, age 16/17) and only discovered the actual/correct definition of asexuality over tumblr recently.
 Partly because of the “BBC Sherlock”-Fandom and the main character being pretty much canonly ace, same goes for Castiel from “Supernatural“. 
I figured being asexual November 2016… and already since February I suppose I am in fact grey-biromantic, at least since my relationship ended…


»THIS might help someone so I’ll add it at this point: I don’t find anyone sexually attractive (might be still figuring this out so I stick to greysexual) but I am “attracted” to the sex-memories, so to say…?
 Like… I would consider having sex again because a person and sex with them are good memories and I associate positive feelings and enjoyment with them/the sex…« Reading this again months after originally writing it is funny…

By now I KNOW I am aegosexual (aka. autochorissexual) and therefore feel a disconnection between myself and the object/action causing my arousal.

To put this into simpler terms: I am asexual and prefer sex-fantasies/memories over actual sex! I like sex but prefer to be not involved; comes in handy that I ship a lot of stuff and therefor never run low on "material". I sometimes am ashamed that my sexual orientation is basically "asexual who is attracted to written Erotica/Smut" but well… I can deal with it. I am settled with being a greyromantic aegosexual despite the fact it's unlikely I'll come out as such anywhere but closed Facebook-groups and Tumblr.

I found out how huge the ace-umbrella actually is and that you can describe so many orientations.
I know that might not be necessary but to me personally it’s a good, a warm feeling to share a flag with other people. 
Like… flags always mean you are connected in some way, may it be national or political or from some organisations/clubs. And it’s a good feeling to know I am not alone.
It’s good to be not alone and to have a point/person/page to turn to and I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness as you are. Self-discovering is a journey you might not know when it ends, but every step towards your true self is a good step, a powerful step in the right direction.