#i feel so invalidated tbh like idk
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told my friend im pretty sure im a lesbian and his response was “you just had shitty experiences with men” djejdjdjd is that not homophobic?? even when i had good experiences with men i wished they were women what 😭
#i feel so invalidated tbh like idk#i was hoping im finally coming into myself but that just made me feel like. lame
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I actually find it really bizarre and counter intuitive that clinically speaking, you cannot legally be diagnosed with a personality disorder until you're at least 18. The reason given for this is because "the personality has not fully developed before this age" like ???
Ah yes, my favorite strategy. Not diagnosing the problem until it's already been virtually cemented into your brain for life! Wouldn't it be easier (and more painless) to address the problem before it's fully developed?
#im also certain that the age that personality fully forms at is not a universally agreed upon number#like idk. maybe this raises less questions about age and more about the potential consequences of pathologizing personalities#it feels a little fucked up to me that some mental illness are 'just' mental illnesses while others are deemed a thing synonymous with you#and i can understand if some people with personality disorders do really heavily identify with their disorders#thats fine!#i also think the average person has a concept of personality which is relatively stagnant and thats just not realistic tbh#i mean if you think personality is stagnant then yours probably is so in rhat sense youre not wrong#but personality can absolutely change and i dont think it makes you a 'different person'#i think its a natural progression#anyways. got a little derailed but the point im trying to make is#lets find a way to give people with personality disorders a more realistic hope for recovery without invalidating them#and also lets maybe try to treat personality disorders preemptively so they don't get worse
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still thinking abt the tumblrinx i encountered a while back whose pinned post said they were transmasc… and also demanded that men dni
like—i’m not confused by the convoluted not-like-the-other-boys doublethink that gets you there, i can follow the chain of illogic just fine, but i sure am deeply wearily depressed by it!
#i know plenty of good men—good cis men even! gasp!#and i just think like. if we can’t move away from‚ like‚ cold gender war how the fuck do we move forward#fundamentally like. 100% block people who have behaved towards you in ways you didn't like.#but like. this whole thing where ~afabs~ preemptively self-victimize by conjuring up the creepiest cishet man they can imagine#and self-harm by worrying abt that imaginary guy jacking off to them#is just like. i understand how it happens but it’s like. you’re actively doing negative visualization#and‚ like‚ preemptively self-victimizing#ime it feels a lot better to move through the world unworried‚ in the knowledge that if someone says sth gross to you: you can block them!#anyway ultimately i’m pretty clearly making this post bc i'm overdue to unfollow the tirfiest blogger i’m currently following#like. yeah loads of cishet men are shitheads but ~misandry~ is so last decade#and frankly i don’t have a lot more time for the cishet women who have bought into the same system—like i have some sympathy but.#these people all get warped by the system into complementary fucked-up cogs whose teeth bite into one another#and i’m just not interested in biting back—i want to leave all the biting behind in the dust of the junkyard that birthed it#and like. i don’t want to dismiss the oppression that births this sort of rhetoric. it's super real and it's toxic and it fucks people up.#but it’s like. when people have bad dads and then are like Dads R Always Bad!!!#and i’m just over here like. i don’t know how to say this without sounding like i’m invalidating you but my dad was a fucking saint tbh#not perfect dgmw but like. a sweet gentle encouraging man who got ground down by my mother’s toxic heel along with the rest of us#so like. actually not only are you closing yr eyes to a better future‚ yr closing yr eyes to other ppl’s lived realities#like i personally managed to have a totally life-ruining mother without deciding Mothers Are Ontologically Evil Actually!#idk. obviously women remain *enormously* systemically oppressed! but surely we can acknowledge and decry that without#implicitly rhetorically closing off any possibility of a gentler queerer gender dynamic?#anyway none of this is revolutionary i’m just like. i KNOW the fascists want to cut off my toes and force me into the glass slipper#of viciously constrained femininity#that in turn makes itself feel better by sneering at men‚ critiquing other women who Do It Wrong‚ and exerting control over children#so i have strong personal cause to care about misogyny even if i didn’t care about it in the abstract#but i just think like. acting like traditional gender roles and dynamics are a fixed truth we can only bruise ourselves on#instead of a human construction that we can undermine and work to topple#is not actually the path to a healed world in the long run!#anyway. beta edition post (thumbtyped & not reread): may contain bugs.
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struggling very hard to feel connected to my femme identity and feeling big grief about that
#like idk#theres so many complex feelings and shit involved#but like i cannot deny that the femme community by and large equating the femme experience and struggle#to that of someone who is thin and on some level attractive is really fucking w me mentally#cause its like when there's femme positivity in general i cant relate#cause when its general femme positivity it focuses on validating queerness - but mine is never invalidated because ive always been Other#when its fat femme positivity its usually describing someone with a body still smaller than mine or only talks about rolls and tummies bein#good and often times the default in those is WHITE fat femmes#general positivity for femmes of color feels nice tbh#but even then i dont feel femme enough because femmes are always talking about being hyperfeminine and subverting femininity#and as someone who has never really quite fit in any manner hyperfemininity for me ends up being simply just wearing a dress#the amount of vitriol i get for just wearing a dress#hell even just a skirt#idk there's so much wrapped into these feelings and it feels liek the only ppl who ever understand are fat brown femmes who were also#masculinized/othered from the start and remain othered for the most part#which is such a small fraction of ppl ive met irl bc a lot of ppl like me usually just hide#and i get it#i do it too#its just hard to connect sometimes because i Know im femme but when the acknowledgement of femme existence centers mostly on the femmes who#are closest to the default......
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i’m gonna vent/rant in the tags quickly (quick little trigger warning for a brief mention of sexual assault tho!!)
#last night someone who is friend or a relative of a family friend (not sure the connection tbh) tried to hit on me#and Ike they came up to me and full on just grabbed my ass and it made me so wildly uncomfortable#then they asked if was single and i said no (even tho i am single but i said i wasn’t to avoid further questions)#after that they left me alone but even thinking the situation makes me feel ill#idk what the fuck it is but after realising i was assaulted a while back people touching me like that without asking if i’m okay#with it beforehand just makes me feel violently sick#and it’s like am i even allowed to feel like this way???? i feel like#i’m invalidating myself even tho every time i think of this it gives me the creeps :/
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hm
#oh yeah i have/am so and so#axel axelotyls moment#i was talking to a twt mutual ab how i have doubts on having autism#and made this whole list as to why i might and also might not be autistic#and he was just#u r literally autistic. this whole thread is just. yeah.#and tbh i wouldn't be surprised#but also#idk#i feel like im invalidating people 😭#these past year when i would research adhd#i would also research autism bc ik a lot of their traits overlap#and i always found myself leaning more towards autism but also kinda denied relating to them#like theres such a negative stigma around self dx#which is why ive always been scared to say#gahhhhhh#anyways
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idk I would definitely agree that the precedent is there for hell to already have established radio stations by the time Al died—as you’ve mentioned, even with a bit of a lag in hellish technology, the timeline is still very accommodating. for a little more context, the oldest stations (it’s a matter of some debate which is actually The Oldest lol) began regular broadcasting in the mid 1910s; one of those, 9XM (based out of my current institution!), started broadcasting weather reports in morse code in 1915 as a public service. during ww1 all civilian radio use was banned, only lifted in october of 1919; 9XM resumed their weather reports but it took until 1921 to start doing audio broadcasts since they were making their own radio tubes, glassblowing them and everything. at that point, they added music (live and recorded) to their schedule, soon followed by educational programs (e.g. School/College of the Air and Chapter A Day) and reports on university sports and news. so, even by the early to mid 20s, there’s quite a bit of variety already very well established.
also touching on the titanic thing—there is a popular (and almost certainly false) story that on the mainland the first person who happened to pick up the distress call was none other than one young David Sarnoff, who went on to become the president of the Radio Corporation of America (RCA). this is thought to be highly embellished by Sarnoff himself, though, who told the tale some eleven years after the event. however, he did help to coordinate rescue efforts from the Wanamaker station shortly after, and his team released the names of the survivors. regardless of the veracity of the story, though, he was an early proponent of radio as a medium of entertainment rather than communication, and was one of the early giants of the field.
speaking of Sarnoff, actually, he’s the reason for the delay in frequency modulation really being available to the public until the 40s—the notorious rivalry with Armstrong really developed as Sarnoff started getting interested in more lucrative ventures (television) since at their hearts the former was an inventor seeking to improve the existing medium and the latter was an entrepreneur. funnily enough, Armstrong invented his FM circuit in 1933, which drastically reduced the static that plagues AM. Sarnoff was by then already pursuing commercializing early television sets, and engaged Armstrong in a fierce and drawn-out legal battle because he was worried his own AM-based empire at RCA would be swept out from under him (plus he used the FCC to effectively steal FM from Armstrong for his own use). this is some years beyond what y’all are talking about, but my point here is just to add that Al would (at minimum for the first decade or so) be exclusively broadcasting in AM, though he might’ve made the transition to FM later on as it did have a remarkable improvement in reception (although to my knowledge AM remained dominant until the 70s). hope there weren’t any storms down in wrath during his shows lol or else even screams could just be drowned out by static.
how long do we think it took for alastor to come clean about being the radio demon. months? years? how long was this man terrorizing everyone anonymously before he finally caved to the desire to be recognized for his hard work
#I’m reading about early wisconsin stations rn can you tell lmao#still losing my mind that they were doing this shit in a) the building where we have union meetings and b) the building my office is in#and like of COURSE the station was run by a bunch of mostly-unpaid physics grad students lmao. fucking nerds.#beloit college was actually broadcasting before 9XM got licensed#they had an observatory so they were just periodically telling everyone the local sidereal time#idk idk lol I have definitely gone off into the weeds a little with this#thinking about Sarnoff fucking over all of Armstrong’s existing FM technology and then stealing it for tv broadcasting and making myself sad#‘I didn’t kill him’ no I just invalidated everything he ever did after he’d already been humiliated losing to a guy who didn’t even know how#his own goddamn invention worked. not to mention simultaneously stealing his improved technology for myself.#don’t worry about it this will have no impact on the guy’s mental health he will be fine#Sarnoff had such a deep-seated need to be respected and admired… like please calm tf down#only learned the titanic story was fake like ten minutes ago but you know what it fits his vibe#yeah I’m a hater sorry everyone#I want to comment more on al building a station from scratch but I don’t know enough about it yet#assembling a breadboard kit was super easy and straightforward; anyone can listen relatively easily and cheaply#but I am not certain about broadcasting equipment#plus my feeling is that his own experience would be listening at first and then as a host at an already established station#like he probably had a functional understanding of how things worked but may not have known it well enough to fully do it on his own idk#I have no idea lol#this is making me think of a fic I abandoned like five months ago though lol hmmmmm#realistically he’s probably still broadcasting in AM tbh. but in my heart I think he’s just blasting at all frequencies. sorry stolas#idk if any of this is helpful information I just blacked out and when I came to there was a wall of text. you’re welcome 🫡#9XM is the precursor to WHA which has hosted WPR since I think the 80s. also I’m listening to it right now :>#they’re talking about LSD right now lmao#‘don’t try everything you hear on the radio’ LMAO#it’s science friday motherfuckers!!!!!#okay okay I’ll shut up. I’m physically incapable of putting a normal amount of tags I think sorry
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was I TA for saying I hate Spanish, a gendered language?
so the other day I (25NB, white) was on Twitter, where I'm v active as well as my two best friends who we'll call Tess (25F, black) and Laura (24F, Mexican). we've been friends since we were kids and tbh I rlly appreciate them both.
Laura has offered to help us learn Spanish on a few occasions. I said yes ofc! Tess repeatedly said no bc she considered thats cultural appropriation and she thinks Laura should protect her culture. Tess also berated me because "white people aren't allowed to speak Spanish", but eventually she changed her mind and apologized after Laura said that she loves it when people show interest in her own culture and language, that white Spanish-speakers exist and that a healthy cultural exchange can help people of different cultures understand one another better.
so Tess and I started to learn Spanish with Laura's help as well as Google translator. and that day I searched for "non-binary" and it gave me two translations "no binario" and "no binaria". in other words, in masculine and feminine. I felt invalidated and angry so I tweeted "I hate Spanish so much". Laura was upset by this and replied saying she knows it can be a frustrating language to learn to non-natives but that I shouldn't insult her language. I tried to play it off saying that I don't hate Spanish language, I meant to say I hate the Spanish, the people of Spain. for being colonizers and all that.
this only made Laura angrier because apparently, more than 90% of Mexicans have Spanish blood since the colonizers chose to stay in Mexico. Laura was clearly hurt, she said that she won't hate a part of herself, that she won't hate Spanish people who are alive today, and that one of her online friends is Spanish (Tess and I are her best friends but Laura also has a group of online friends from different Spanish-speaking countries. I know she has a Puerto Rican friend and a Venezuelan one but I didn't know they had a Spanish friend in the group). I apologized and I genuinely meant it. I also admitted I was talking about the language and not the people.
Tess is clearly against me and supports Laura bc she said something like "I guess you can never fully trust white people" and Laura replied "no, white people aren't the problem, white Americans certainly are". I've apologized and I will do so again if I have to. I literally reacted the way I did because I felt invalidated, I don't hate Spanish or Spanish-speakers. I'm scared of losing my two closest friends, I apologized but other than that idk what to do.
was I justified in feeling invalidated? should I have joked about Spanish being a gendered language instead of saying I hate it? and most importantly, AITA?
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It's kinda sad tbh!! Knowing that Elian is literally nothing without his looks,, literally feeling unwelcomed or invalidated to anything if you aren't pretty enough it's literally everything to him I so agree w the person analyzing him !!! But what I am curious about though is his darling. What if darling were to be the same? Like also pretty co-dependent, self destructive, etc. Or what if they were to find joy in just.. Idk!! Sadist stuff , since he literally revolves around them. I think a darling who's also almost the exact same as him would be interesting, literally two people destroying each other what if one went away? Etc etc. I love angst ohmy. Or what if darling was the exact opposite? A good life, successful, basically everything he doesn't have. Would he be jealous or worship them?? What if darling just idk uses him as a trophy and stuff,, or basically neglects him, what if darling were to get angry easily? At him, maybe. Saying how useless he is and all. What if darling was bipolar?? Σ(゜゜) I love toxic relationships like how they turn out and how it effects the people in it especially YK the vampire yandere since it's literally just self destruction,, STOP THAT REMINDS ME WHAT IF VAMPIRE YANS DARLING WERE ALSO LIKE A PEOPLE PLEASER? giving all their blood to him with no complaint,, like very insistent yk, like almost the exact replica of him. Backflips away
Elias character analyses
Oh god all of these scenarios sound so delicious I don’t know where to start.
I love the idea of a darling who is similar to him nature. As obsessed with him as he is with them, being co-dependent together.
Elias loves being loved by you. Your affection is what makes him feel alive. He wants you to call him pretty and cherish him. Choose clothes for him and praise him like a doll who exists to be loved by you.
But he’s just so very insecure, he believes you could abandon him very easily so he experiences very aggressive jealousy fits. So a darling who’s equally obsessed with him sounds like it could balance things out. One that keeps their eye on him all the time, one that love bombs him constantly.
But as sweet as it sounds too much of anything is unhealthy. I’m afraid that co-dependance might break them both in the long run. Elias will probably want more and more no matter how much love you give him. Once he gets used to receiving your love he’ll probably start fearing that it’s some sort of momentary happiness and you could disappear at any moment. He’ll be paranoid. He might push you into quitting your job and staying with him inside the house 24/7 because any moment he’s not in contact with you makes him anxious.
But what if darling keeps pouring in love without getting tired? What if they are ok with giving up on everything just to spoil Elias? I think they will be happy. They will be very happy in fact. But I feel like they’ll be happy in the way drunk people are. It’s like a daze, an impossibly perfect dream. Elias might slowly start to lose the small amount of humanity he has and become completely doll like. Just a soulless, endless black hole of a creature that’ll take and take and take all the love you give him.
A sadistic (and probably rich) darling who uses him like some sort of trophy is also fun. He’s like a pretty accessory for them to carry around, like a handbag. I feel like for a long long time Elias would do everything in his power to please them. He would perfect his appearance to insane levels. He exists to be pretty for you, to elevate your standing, he can’t risk ever being imperfect in the public eye because it would damage you as well. And Elias wants you to be proud of him, he wants you to tell him you are proud of him and that he’s the most beautiful thing you own.
But maybe instead you put him down. You damage his ego to keep him where he is. Prevent him from trying to climb up to your level. Maybe you think he should stay the way he is, a thing that exists to make you look better. He’s beautiful and that’s all he should be.
But Elias is pretty crazy at the end of the day. He can only take it for so long. Elias is very petty and he wants you to love him.
At one point it infuriates him. You are so perfect. You are so successful in life, you are loved by people, you are beautiful, you are amazing, you are just so… perfect. And Elias doesn’t want that. The fact that you have everything he doesn’t, the fact that everyone else gets to see your perfectness, the way you put him down no matter how hard he tries.
Maybe you could love him if he pulled you down to his level.
He might start some gossips about you. He might lie about your business practices or some dating scandal. He might use his pretty face to act like a victim who was abused by you. And once you lose your money, your power, your status, your everything… Elias will welcome you back with open arms. You also have nothing now, just like him. Surely you can love him with all your heart now?
I forgive you but I don’t know if Elias will😔
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Disrespect
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g - angst
p - wooyoung x f!reader
w.c - 1.1k
t.w - mentions of insecurities regarding looks and body
c - wooyoung is mad at you for starting rumours and you’re pissed at his insensitivity
a.n - have not written an angst piece in a very long time, idk if anyone is interested to read this tbh but it comforted me a little to write this because something similar happened to me quite a while back so 🥴 also disclaimer, this is completely fictional im not saying wooyoung is an asshole irl
//
“i don’t ever want to see you again” doesn’t really work when you’re working together and have to see each other literally the next day. not only is it painfully obvious and awkward to your coworkers. it’s also incredibly exhausting switching from being mad at him to seriously missing the good times with him every half an hour or so.
it took one more glare sent towards wooyoung’s direction for san to finally decide to come talk to you. “you wanna talk to me about it?” he asked softly as he sat himself beside you.
you furrowed your eyebrows at san, wondering if he was serious about it, especially considering the cause of the whole fight. “what, and have you report everything back to your best friend? no thanks.”
“my lips are sealed,” san tried to reassure, slightly taken aback by your attitude. he has never once betrayed anyone’s trust, unless they were doing something illegal but that’s a story for another day.
that phrase meant nothing to you but empty promises to you now. your only fault was telling your fellow backup dancers that you felt uncomfortable with how close wooyoung was being with a certain girl group member, and now he was blaming you for calling him a womaniser and a cheater because rumours had spread. and instead of apologising for causing your trust in him to waver, wooyoung was more concerned about his reputation.
“i’ll respect your wishes if you don’t want to talk about it, but i strongly encourage for the both of you to talk it out,” san advised, “the atmosphere is kind of heavy because of the two of you.”
san got up and walked away, revealing wooyoung who was staring at you from the mirror as the stylist fixed his hair.
“have you been crying?” was the first thing that came out from his mouth after the both of you excused yourselves to a more private space. you swear you could have punched him right there and then.
surely it was obvious that you had been bawling all night with how swollen your eyes were, and the sunken eye bags that formed overnight – an observation wooyoung had made when you had cried to sleep in his arms a long time ago.
“which answer will hurt you more?” you spat, provoking your boyfriend.
“drop your glare, you’re being rude.”
“rude? you know what’s rude? not respecting my boundaries, then proceeding to invalidate my feelings,” you replied as you balled your hands into tight fists.
the following were wooyoung’s claims: he did not pat her head or rest his hand on her lower back and that you were delusional and lying because you’re insecure that you’re not as attractive, face or body wise, as compared to girl idols.
“and you did not respect my career, your words have spread and if the media catches wind of this i could be ruined!” wooyoung rebutted, his voice louder than before.
“again, like i said, all i wanted was to tell somebody that i was uncomfortable with it! i never meant to say that you were a cheater, nor did i want to spread it to the whole world.”
“what you intended to do doesn’t matter, that’s how the media industry is! and you could have told me directly how you felt-“
“so you can tell me i was overthinking and extra sensitive?” you were now face to face with the man, extremely agitated.
wooyoung backed away from you with a few steps and audibly sighed. he turned his head to the side in an attempt to calm down, biting down on his lower lip.
“look, i don’t know how else to explain myself other than saying that i did not do whatever you said i did. regardless, i’m sorry you felt that way and i apologise.” wooyoung decided to be the one to back down first, his arms opening up as an invitation for the both of you to hug it out.
you don’t accept it, also taking steps away from him while shaking your head in dismay. you were not going to let him get away so easily with this, not after he utterly shattered your heart. what wooyoung did, misunderstanding or not, was not what hurt you the most, but how he reacted when he heard about it.
wooyoung had always reassured you that you were the most beautiful in his eyes, that no one else could compare to you. you were not stupid enough to think it was an objective statement, you have seen enough idols to know that even the ones that aren’t photogenic are on another level. but he has now turned this insecurity of yours into a weapon to make you think you’re an insane jealous girlfriend.
“what do you want me to do to show that i still love you?” wooyoung questioned. again, his choice of words irked you.
you felt tears welling up in your eyes, the disappointment you were feeling made your heart ache so much. you love your boyfriend, but not this version of him. and you don’t know the answer to his question because the damage feels irreversible.
“please just come here,” wooyoung carefully takes a step closer to you, his arms opening once again for you, his voice still firm but slightly more gentle now. he wished you would understand the reason he, in your words, ‘overreacted’ is because ateez is at the height of their career and he can’t risk having anything knock it down right now. he knows, he knows it seems never ending for you, being patient until he reaches his next goal. there’s always a next goal, and it’s always harder to reach than the last, and each time there’s more at stakes. he knows he’s being selfish, one can’t have it all but here he is, greedy for both success and love.
“i’m sorry,” he apologised again, his two hands cupping your face as the tears begun to roll down your cheeks, “i shouldn’t have been so harsh on you.”
“i think we should break up.” you felt like choking on your own words. yet for some reason, your body still gravitated towards him, and the next moment your lips are already on his.
wooyoung did not have time to react to what you had just said, but he doesn’t care. all he wants to do right now is melt into your kiss so he reaches for the back of your head.
the both of you are grown enough to know this was not the healthiest way to resolve conflicts, but everything just felt right. “we are so not breaking up,” he breathed heavily as he pulled away for a second.
“you are mine.”
#ateez#ateez reactions#ateez imagines#ateez scenarios#ateez fanfic#ateez angst#ateez blurbs#ateez drabbles#ateez fic#wooyoung#wooyoung angst
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Some of my Astro placements and how they manifest
Chiron 4th house:
This placement talks of a wound surrounding the family and home, and well, I would often search for a home because no where to me felt like home. I still feel misunderstood and out of place, BUT, I have made deep and valuable connections that have helped guide me and make me feel the love I should have had. Not to say this placement is completely hopless, it’s beautiful and it’s real and it’s tough, but you come out stronger. I use to hate that fucking perspective too. Like okay??? Who gaf if I come out stronger I’m fucking suffering, like why didn’t I get the parents everyone else has? Why’d I have to walk on eggshells? I felt like my anger and sadness was invalidated because I didn’t feel strong. I felt worthless and disorganized. I was a mess and I still am. Idk if that’s ever gonna change tbh, but despite all, it’s true. You DO come out stronger. In every aspect I have. Home is your people it was never a place, home is your mother cradling you for the first time in a while, it’s your friends taking care of you when you’re sobbing. Home is your dad realizing his mistakes and apologizing. Home is a feeling, it’s refreshing and comforting. Home was never suppose to be stressful, or feel like a war zone. To whoever has this same placement I feel you and I love you.
Mars in Aquarius in the 5th house
I do things unconventionally and I only realize this when I’m with other ppl. It can be as simple as the way I eat my burger, to my taste in music. Which is everything. I like literally everything. I don’t care the genre. If it’s good and catchy I love it. I did a lot of different hobbies as a kid too? Like taekwondo, dance, soccer, painting, singing, writing. But I never stayed long in any of those hobbies. Loved anime which ik everyone likes these days but where I live and during my childhood it was still a bit taboo or considered weird to watch. I was the kid that got along with everyone at school too. I didn’t see the point in highschool having a social hierarchy of popularity. It’s fucking stupid. I remember this one kid in my class who everyone thought was weird, which from their perspective I understand because he liked to talk about taboo topics that everyone thought was outrageous, but I was enjoying conversing with him because his perspectives were fresh and built my own views and opinions. I also have a 5th house stellium and I just fucking hate anything that isn’t fun like. I can’t do the 9-5 I have to enjoy my life like this society was not meant for the way my brain works istg.
Lilith 8th house
Constant comments were made about my body when I was young. From good to bad to what the actual fuck are you saying to a 12 year old. No cause it still happens and I’ve learnt to deal with it, but it has greatly affected how I view myself, my sexuality, and my comfortability with it.
Sun and moon in Gemini
I got the worst of both worlds wtf is this?! Considering my chart is 60% air signs you’d think I’d be use to it but I’m notttttt. I try to stray away from the stereotypical “Geminis intellectualize their emotions” but it’s true we do, but I think it’s cause feeling our emotions are overwhelming. Geminis ARE emotional. There’s just so much going on that my brain decides “I need a solution to this now cause feeling is pain” also hate that I’m not consistent. Consistency is my worst enemy, it doesn’t agree with me and my behaviours and we have an ongoing tense relationship, so I don’t finish anything. Not the books I wanna write or the paintings I wanna finish. Working on it tho 😭
Jupiter in Leo in the 11th house
I know so many people, and the friends I’ve made feel like my soul family. We’re siblings at this point. (Also rlly love the spotlight. What can I say I’m an attention whore)
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Read the Sun and the Star. I'm a huge Percy Jackson fan, but I took a while to read this because tbh, I don't care about Nico or Will all that much, nor did I like the Trials of Apollo series. Will was a background character for a long time until he just kind of abruptly grew a personality, and Nico was a little unlikeable for me. Of all the major Big Three kids in the series, between Percy, Thalia, and Nico, Nico and Percy get the most screentime. But honestly, I would have preferred if Thalia got more focus than Nico in PJO and HoO—she's a more interesting character to me, especially given her history with Annabeth and Luke. But I digress.
Anyway, Sun and the Star. The thing with Nyx being obsessed with immortals staying the same really has no precedent, and just feels contrived for plot reasons so there could be some kind of manufactured antagonist. The ending with Bianca violated the preestablished lore, and they never explain why Bob is the one getting saved and not Bob and Damasen?
Will and Nico had cute moments, and I did like that Will got more fleshed out—beyond being 'Nico's boyfriend' or 'Apollo Cabin Healer #5.' Him being bi was nice, speaking as a bi guy, and I liked that they joked about him being attracted to women without it somehow invalidating his queerness or his relationship with Nico. Very rare Rick Riordan representation W. The dream sequences were also some of Riordan's best—you really feel Nico's panic and dread in them. But it was weird how the dream sequences were telegraphed and labeled with DREAM SEQUENCE at the top. That isn't how he's written them in previous books.
Percy refusing to get involved on any level in the quest was a little weird. Percy is defined by having loyalty to his friends in excess—that's his whole point! And after the House of Hades established that he'd unjustly ignored Bob, and had Bob and Damasen sacrifice themselves for he and Annabeth... it seems really out of character and selfish for him to acknowledge Bob is alive and suffering (even noted he'd forgotten about him again) and just back out. This was another issue I had with the Trials of Apollo, where Percy refuses to help stop the Roman Emperors—and then oh, damn, his friend dies. If only Percy, idk, cared enough about them to get involved.
One the whole, Sun and the Star felt like a Percy Jackson shaped story. It isn't as charming as the original series, nor as dramatic as the Heroes of Olympus. It feels like mediocre fan fiction. Not bad fan fiction, it has its moments, but it just isn't memorable nor as epic as its predecessors. Nico and Will aren't as engaging and relatable as Percy, nor does the antagonist feel half as interesting or threatening as Luke/Kronos. If you're a die hard Percy Jackson fan like me, then you may as well read it, but don't expect a whole lot.
Then again, the fans I've met generally like Nico and Will far more than I do, so this may be a perspective most don't share. Which is valid, this is just my take.
#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#percy series#rick riordan#book reccs#book review#book recommendations#the sun and the star#nico di angelo#will solace
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i think i'm the only person in the entire fandom that has any genuine empathy for elijah, and i'm stuck thinking there's something deeply wrong with me for that. i feel like quite a lot of people split black on him (and joshua) and then split white on jedidiah, and sydney. the ONLY two options are to dehumanize or objectify him. no hate to jedidiah-likers, but jedidiah is not a victim. he doesn't act entirely the way he does because of trauma, he acts that way because he implicitly looks down on sydney. what kind of man jeopardizes the entire world for a man that he let gravely sick in the first place, only to gaslight and neglect him?? all this because of mommy and daddy issues that, like, 70% of the population has?? i had to headcanon extra issues and trauma for him to just to keep myself sane. i don't mean to invalidate his trauma, but he has lived such a privileged life and can easily go to therapy and yet. i'm sorry but it's bojack-horseman levels of "how tf do you expect me to feel bad for you? lmao." like, i need him to get better because people will likely die if he gets any worse, but other than i couldn't care less about this guy. i'm way more sympathetic to sydney because he's trying his best but he seems to have an empathy deficiency of some kind (it's not his fault but it is painfully obvious sometimes and i wish i could fix him but i have to fix myself first because i also deal with this); i also relate to the "feeling unlovable" aspect of things.
we have only seen elijah at his worst. the elephant man is elijah "mental breakdown, 2 years and counting psychotic episode" core; did everyone just assume he was born like that? and if he was, that would also make me sad tbh. he had a similar upbringing to jedidiah and yet he does not show it at all and i'm wondering what tf was different. he also generally sucks at being a villain sometimes (i.e. telling sydney his weakness, letting sydney go back to jedidiah, reacting way better than most people would when sydney told him that he couldn't get the journals). when jedidiah says "sydney, you're always fine." vs when elijah says it; jedidiah said it to gaslight sydney and because he feels bitter about the fact he's working so hard to keep sydney alive and can't use it to manipulate him (i'm joking but i'm also not joking), while elijah was just being a little acolyte and also he's symbolically the earth, so when he says the earth will catch him when he falls, he is fr. idk what snapped in him with the murder-suicide thing but considering that he is the earth, and unfortunately due to sydney's weird little mind and jedidiah's horribleness, the earth is, like, post-apocalyptic now so it probably has something to do with that (idk why he switched from stabbing to burning alive; probably cuz of the theatrics/j). anyway, he does suck and he needs to go back to russia and never come back for everyone's good, but i really do think he would be better than jedidiah could ever be (yes, even with therapy; i'm literally speaking facts/hj) if "everyday [wasn't] a living fucking nightmare." and i'm constantly like "._." whenever i remember that jedidiah is the reason "everyday is a living fucking nightmare." also i really wanna see someone do elijah/the elephant man analysis/interpretation that doesn't reek of disgust and hatred (or lust; do whatever you want, but i'm judging you rn), just for variety tbh. here is his official playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/389N5sUULTXFC63I3CSn7c?si=756dacaa18cd491c some of the songs in here are, like, "???" and i want to see someone's else's take on them (even elijah haters tbh) sorry for the essay, that's all i wanted to say :)
also im so happy that i can say this anonymously, thank you chnt-confessions for doing god's work, i love you platonically <3
(ABOUT THE LAST PART) no need to apologize and I'm really glad to make you happy!!
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Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm give a hot take (like an actual hot take) on the TD fandom or some part of the show
yay so this ones kind of just me complaining but like i rlly dont like it when ppl take jos like body issues and not wanting to be mistaken for a guy as some gender dysphoria kind of thing bc its more like. to her calling her a guy is basically calling her ugly yk. idk like being mistaken for a man wouldnt be some "gender invalidation" thing to her since its basically telling her that she looks manly, and to her UGLY. her problem is more of her own beauty issues and internalized misogyny tbh. so idk ive seen a few ppl call her not wanting to be mistaken for a man as her experiencing cis gender dysphoria when rlly its already established she has body/beauty issues. and like i said to her mistaking/calling her a man or manly is basically calling her ugly. its not some gender invalidation thing lol idk. does this make sense idk im just rambling. i think about her so much. if anyone wants to tell me otherwise why they think her feelings abt her appearance is some kind of dysphoria id love to hear it but idk i personally js dont think its the right word to use.
and another thing i have w this fandom is how many people on here will rant about "why does NO ONE ever talk about the female characters???!!!!!!!!!??????" then NEVER talk about them on their own blogs so it comes across like: so do you even care THAT much whatever it just seems performative to me. like the amount of people that are just like "why does no one talk about my girlboss queen feminist icon leshawna" then proceed to post their 177656789th character analysis of like harold is so rampant i just dont get it. idk am i the only one who notices ppl like this lol.
idk if i have many takes on the show bc itd basically be me repeating things that everyones already ranted about before but mkulia was better in s1 where it was mk blackmailing her and they hated each other. au where mk keeps holding julias confessionals over her head but they end up like "unfortunately only one person has ever truly understood me and i fucking hate that guy"
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Hi! I’m running over here to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR RECENT POST ABOUT DRAMATIC TENSION IN G/T!!!!
I have been shouting into the void about this with friends of mine for YEARS!!
Where did all the fear and angst in the community go?? Why is it all just rainbows and butterflies now? Having light to balance out the dark is great, don’t get me wrong, but I SOOOO agree with you: the entire basis of g/t is its very significant power imbalance.
If we’re all unwilling to acknowledge that then literally what is even the point of making something g/t in the first place? If it’s just two people hanging out… how is that g/t? Where are the stakes? What do these characters want? What are they fighting for? What makes life hard for them that they want to change?
I say this all the time: bad things NEED to happen in fiction. It’s the ONLY WAY to tell a story. Watch any movie or tv show and you’ll see this at play. We want our fictional heroes to struggle, to be afraid and to fight for something because that creates an actual plot.
I, too, am deeply disillusioned by the lack of actual fear and danger in g/t now. Let’s all be honest and acknowledge that being small next to someone so much bigger would be TERRIFYING and not without significant physical and emotional challenges to overcome.
It’s so frustrating when a small character meets a larger one and within .004 seconds they immediately trust them, with their life literally in a stranger’s hands. It’s doesn’t make any sense and leaves so many opportunities for good story telling on the table.
The struggle to adapt to a new environment, to make yourself heard in the face of invalidation, to discover you matter even though you’re different are all tropes that require some kind of unfair dynamic in order to be explored.
I find that journey to be actually super validating! Navigating a dynamic where you feel less than or not taken seriously or surrounded by danger and finding a way to fight through that? Isn’t that quite literally the textbook definition of empowerment and self actualization?
Okay, I’ve gone on long enough, but I just wanted to reach out because it’s so so so refreshing to see someone else in this community actually addressing this!
You rock! Have a wonderful day and keep exploring your story telling, because I think you’ve absolutely got the right idea!
AAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU FOR THIS MESSAGE!!!
I'm so glad you feel the same way ♥️
I legit wonder why this shift towards safe, nonconfrontational works occurred. Is it in reaction to the general state of the world? An influx in new users, who just aren't into fear and angst? Reaction to internet censorship? Idk.
And tbh it's also kinda disheartening as a dark subjects enjoyer. I do wanna write and create works that cater to my interests, but when you look into the tag, it feels like an uphill battle.
So yeah, if you want to, feel free to send me a msg off anon. Maybe we need to cultivate our own little community of like-minded people.
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gonna put my opinions in The Tags
Having Opinions vs Discourse Exhausts Me
#i saw someone saying that tme/tma are pointless labels that are holding us back and like#tbh they have a point#i dont really think segregating ourselves into whether we face one specific kind of oppression is effective or useful#especially since transmisogyny can be directed towards a lot of other people who do not typically fall into the category of tma#i know trans mascs and men who i honestly think are affected by transmisogyny#because they are so often read as trans women that the hatred they receive is all under that assumption#or fruity gay men who are flamboyant and feminine and are bullied for being too close to womanhood even if they are cis#and also i just see this like#if someone is tme their opinions are discounted what they have to say about shit is invalid#even if the discussion is not about trans women or transmisogyny#im just having a lot of feelings over this debate#because we are told transmisogyny is not ours to claim#and then when we make our own space for our own issues suddenly we are being mean to trans women even when we were not even talking#to or about trans women just about our own experiences#also saw a good post about how gendered privilege is fluid and exists but not always#and how someone who is cis passing can imbue the privilege of passing as cis while they appear that way while also acknowledging#its not static and guaranteed and nonbinary people can pass as cis and get that privilege and even weaponize it if they are put in position#idk just feelings tonight lads#let draco say fuck
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