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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 6 months ago

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All In 11

No tag lists. Do not send asks or DMs about updates. Review my pinned post for guidelines, masterlist, etc.

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as noncon/dubcon, age gap, power imbalance, low self esteem, and possible untagged elements. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: you meet a mysterious man on a night out with your sister. (petite!reader)

based on the winning option for this poll

Characters: casino owner!Bucky Barnes

Note: it's a new week

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me.

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!) Please do not just put ‘more’. I will block you.

I love you all immensely. Take care. 💖

Your phone buzzes against your leg, ripping you back to reality. Your eyes widen and drift away from the stream of font. You sit up and mark the page with your finger as you reach for the jittering cell.

You scramble to grab onto it and hesitate to hit the big green button. The screen doesn't look like usual, not that you get many calls. You tap the button and the image changes at once, Bucky startling you as he appears.

"Hey, doll," he grins and winks at you, moving the camera to lean against something. "How's it going?"

"Uhhhh," you drone, surprised. He can see you too. You know by the little reflection of yourself in the corner. "Hi. Fine." You put the book down with no mind to losing the page, "um, you?"

"You busy, doll?"

"Reading but... no."

"Mm," he hums, "glad to see you enjoying your treats but... no pajamas?"

He steps back and you get a view of him from waist up, the edge of a counter in the lower edge. You pout then give a sheepish smile, "sorry, I haven't... had a chance."

"That's okay, doll, I just wanted a peek before I went to work," he undoes his shirt button by button and pulls it off, revealing his muscular torso. You gulp at the lines of his muscle along his stomach, "why don't you put them on now and give me a look."

"Oh, uh..." you glance at the wall. It's late. You're pretty sure Roxie already left for work and your mom will probably be settling down. "Right, uh..."

"Just want something to think of when I walk the floor," he purrs.

"Sure, er," you nearly choke, "I'll just-- one sec."

"I can wait, doll. I've been waiting, haven't I?" He purrs.

You feel a pang of guilt. You place the phone down so the lens faces the ceiling and climb off the bed. He's given you a lot, too much honestly, and now you feel like you owe him. It isn't fair to take his kindness without anything in return. And he isn't asking much, is he?

You dig in the bag, the crinkle loud as the only other noise is the subtle movement from his end. You fish out the soft pajamas and peer over, making certain the phone is still flat. You change far away from it, paranoid.

You look down at yourself in the tank and shorts. Oh gosh. It's a lot less than you usually wear. Your legs are showing, your shoulders, and a bit of your tummy.

"Doll?" He says and you flinch.

"I don't know... I don't think it fits."

"I'm sure it fits just nice," he insists, "show me."

"Oh, uh..."

"I'm just looking, doll, I'll only think of what I really wanna do," he snickers.

You cross back to the bed and pick up the phone, careful to stay out of view. You turn back and prop it up on the dresser, overly aware of the unflattering angle as you do. You give a wide-eyed look and back up so you're all in frame.

You hug yourself shyly and sway.

"Let me see ya," he orders.

You put your arms straight and notice how he leans in to look at the screen, smoothing his hair back. He keeps his hands over his dark strands and growls. A flutter starts in your stomach.

"What do you mean too small? That fits your perfect," he says.

"I... really?"

"Sure, doll," he turns and you realise he's getting ready.

He combs his hair stands straight. He grabs a new shirt and buttons it as he peeks again. You near the camera and move it so he can only see your face.

"Damn, doll, I'm gonna be all over the place," he says, "you're so sweet and sexy."

"Bucky," you squeak.

"I don't lie. That's the one thing you should know about me. I will always let you know exactly what I want."

You blush hotly and a tap on the door nearly makes you drop the phone. You hide it behind you and shuffle closer. You clear your throat.

"Uh, yeah?" You call through.

"Hey, honey, everything okay in there?" She asks. Shoot, she must have heard you.

"I'm watching something," your heart hammers, "sorry, I'll turn it down."

"It's alright, honey. Just thought I heard you..."

"No, just a show," you wisp out.

You quickly back away and go as far from the door as you can. You look down at the phone as Bucky tucks in his shirt. Ugh, that was embarrassing. He heard all that; surely he must realise how lame you are.

"Mom sounds real sweet," he says, "must be where you get it."

"She's working tomorrow. Don't wanna keep her up," you explain quietly.

"That's too bad, doll. I'll just have to keep waiting... wanting," he shrugs and pulls on a dark jacket, "what do ya think? Look good?"

He poses for the camera. He looks great, as always. You feel smaller than ever.

"Yes," you answer softly.

"Yes? That's it?" He sounds disappointed.

"Very handsome," you eke out.

"Handsome?" He squints as he picks up the phone.

"Er," you search your repertoire and borrow from his, "sexy?"

"Are you asking or telling me?" He chuckles.

You giggle. You don't think you've ever told anyone they are sexy. You've never been that bold.

"Yes."

"Yes?" He laughs.

"You're, er, oh, sexy," you touch your hot cheek and look away.

"You are adorable, doll," he growls, "that's exactly what I need to hear." He grazes his fingertips over his beard, "unfortunately I gotta get on it so... tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," you confirm.

"Don't worry about a thing, doll, just bring your gorgeous self."

🃏

The next day is restless. It's worse having hours to wait around for... what? You don't know.

You spend your time reading, or trying to. Breakfast is small, what your roiling stomach can handle, and you put on an outfit that you think is acceptable, not that you have much to choose from. It might be strange if your mom or Roxie notice the lack of uniform. You could say you change at work?

Ugh, lie after lie. It's all so much.

You don't get very far in the book and your phone buzzes, a reminder from Bucky that your fate is coming. You grab your purse and sit out on the stoop, the sunlight beaming down. It would be a nice say if you were so damn uptight.

Merv pulls up in the sleek luxury car and you get up, checking over your shoulder to see if there's any curious tug on the curtain. Your mom's already at work but Roxie is puttering around somewhere. She could be sleeping or not.

Merv gets out to greet you. He opens the door and you thank him. He sits in the driver's seat and Springsteen drones from the radio. You smile as he shifts into gear.

"I know this one," you say.

"Of course, a classic," he praises. "And how are you today, miss?"

"Good, you, sir?"

He laughs as he steers, "very good, miss. And how could I not be." He peeks at you in the rear view, "with sunshine in my backseat."

You smile bashfully and cross your legs. You can't help the shake in your foot. You're more and more nervous with each second and turn of the wheel.

As if noticing your unease, he turns up the music, "I like this one too."

You sigh and ease into the drumbeat. The tempo keeps your heartbeat in check. You're thankful for his subtle comfort.

You turn to watch through the tinted windows. You never noticed how scenic this city is. You never went many places to have the chance.

He keeps the volume up and you let it carry you through the long journey across the city. He pulls up to the casino and steers around to the hotel entrance. You peer through then back at him in confusion. He turns the knob down.

"Mr. Barnes says to give your name at the desk," Merv instructs, "have a good day."

"Thanks, you too," you unbuckle the seat belt and sidle across to the door.

You get out with reticence. Staring up at the grand facade, you're more unsure than you've ever been. You've come this far, you have to keep going. You really have no choice as Merv slowly rolls away.

You step forward. It doesn't get easier the further you get. Your pulse hammers behind your ear as you enter the lobby and a flash of deja vu overcomes you. That night with Roxie, the morning after, and everything since. How does it all feel as if it happened so fast and yet so long ago?

You go to the desk, feeling entirely out of place. What if Merv is wrong and you shouldn't be there? What if they just look at you and laugh? No choice, keep going.

You stop on the other side of the desk and give a stiff smile.

"Hello, welcome, checking in?" The modelesque concierge asks. She's stunning and you're all the more self-aware.

"Uh, I think? My name is..."

She keeps her pristine smile in place and her eyes lights up. She doesn't even bother typing into her computer. She flits away and returns with one of little folders with the room keys inside. Oh, this is really happening.

You thank her and slowly back away. You make a slow advance towards the elevator and wait beside a couple with their suitcases. You step on with them, avoiding a glimpse through the transparent walls.

You unfold the folio and read the number, pushing the floor number, then stand back on your heels. You keep your eyes on the door, the motion alone making you dizzy.

The couple gets off before you. When it's your floor, you thankfully scramble off and take a deep breath. You once more check the number and follow the hallways to your assigned suite.

You swipe the card several times, you still don't have the hang of it. The door opens and you enter meekly. You focus on every move. Shut the door, slip the card back in the folder, put it down on the corner table.

You look up at last and let yourself marvel at the suite as you delve further in. The smell of pollen greets you with a large bouquet of roses. The suite is huge, even bigger than last time. Two rooms just the same and a full kitchenette and spacious bathroom. You don't go onto the balcony, not wanting to test your stomach.

You go back inside and glance over the table draped in a red tablecloth beneath the crystal vase of flowers. There's also a tray of chocolate-dipped strawberries and various colours of macarons. You've never had the delicate cookies before but you'd watch countless recipe videos, wishing on day to try them yourself.

There's an envelope too. You take it and run your nail along the sealed flap. You open it carefully and slip out the card within.

'Enjoy yourself, doll. I'll join you shortly. B.'

As if on cue, there's a knock on the door. Oh gosh, you're not ready. What does he mean? Join you? You hoped for a little long before... before...

You stand frozen but when the door doesn't open itself, you go to answer it. You slowly twist the long handle and open it just a crack. You peer around the edge and blink in confusion.

"Hello, dahling," the woman's affectation drags out her syllables, "well look at you, how precious."

She presses on the door and you let her force her way in. You're dumbfounded. Who the heck is she? Another long-legged beauty you can't compare too.

"Lovely hair," she remarks as she closes the door without a care, "oh, and your skin, yes, perfect canvas..."

"Sorry, er, I think you have the wrong room--"

"Mr. Barnes sent me, dahling," she trills in her way, "and I see you are very much in need of my visit so let's begin. Mm, yes, I have a vision," she struts forward, a rose gold chest in her hand, "not very much, you have a natural lustre I adore."

You retreat as she advances on you. She lifts her chest onto the chaise and flips back the lid, revealing an assortment of precisely organized palettes and tubes. You're horrified and humiliated as you realise why she's there. Maybe you aren't as pretty as Bucky keeps telling you.

#bucky barnes #dark bucky barnes #dark!bucky barnes #fic #bucky barnes x reader #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #casino au #avengers #winter soldier #captain america #marvel #mcu #all in

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skrrts · 3 months ago

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stairs & life, up / down (oneshot)

✧ gn!reader x kim hongjoong ✧ genre: non idol, slice of life, strangers to love interest, comfort, soft emotional ✧ word count: 10,4k ✧ warnings: adult language, smoking (don’t do it!), loneliness, end of friendships, moving on from a relationship, getting over heartbreaks, facing challenges in life, crying

The ripping sound of paper, the clicking of a mechanical keyboard. Loneliness sounds & feels different to everyone but somehow, Hongjoong feels like you understand his. Yet, you confuse him. Why was your first encounter so bold when he hears you crying at night when you think nobody is listening? The fire escape of the old building suddenly becomes a place of comfort he didn’t expect to find in the loneliest city, filled with millions of people but now, there is you.

a/n: when i think of summer, i think of spending long nights outdoors because it's still warm and you just talk for hours without worrying about whatever happens tomorrow. hongjoong & mc both went through some hardships with different types of relationships but they are where they want to move on, all they needed was a hand to grab them and help them going forward. thanks for reading 🤎

The sound of paper being torn apart was often how Hongjoong would describe what his own heartbeak felt like and maybe, if it wasn’t already in pieces, it would be now. Fifty hours of passion, sleepless nights, and love torn apart, a woman with an unpleasant face hissing when she dropped his art like it was a random document.

“There was no reason to destroy it just because you did not like it,” he finally stated and received glares for daring to speak up. “It was garbage, what exactly did you plan to do with it? In fact, every artwork you have shown me in the past few months has been just that. What was the point in hiring you when your social media works were all fake?!”

Hongjoong wanted to wince but somehow managed to keep it together, being called deceitful as an artist who had given up so much for his art was hard.

“My style is exactly the same as the work you saw when you contacted me and I work the exact same way,” he bit his lip when she stood up and seemed more interested in answering her phone which was constantly buzzing in her overpriced pouch. People of her rank often held no passion at all, they only faked it for the smiles and the press.

”You have another month, if you cannot come up with the proper concept, you are out and of course, we cut your payment in half again. After all, since you came here five months ago, you did not deliver anything we could work with. That’s all.”

Hongjoong was about to demonstrate but the director of the publishing agency just left him standing there.

He never wanted to come to New York, he could not care less about the city everyone wanted to live in but there had been nothing left for him back home. When he found the girl he loved and dated since high school being with another, the one he had given his whole heart to so foolishly, telling him it was a pity that kept them together for so long because just like so many other people around him, she judged him for his passion and his income rather than his values and happiness. Sure, he could survive from what he was doing but in their eyes, it was not worth to be called living. She dreamt of a house with a pool, a nice car, and an expensive beach vacation, rather than a cozy apartment, taking the bus and weekend trips.

On that day, when he was crying and walking through his hometown without direction, his parents said that it was time to finally grow up and work for a mindless ad agency that would gladly take somebody with his talent rather than chase his dreams of being permitted to illustrate an entire children's book, one with a deeper meaning unlike all the projects he was part of so far, where he often designed characters but based on guidelines rather than freely.

The invitation of a publisher seemed to be a wink of fate but now, Hongjoong simply found himself trapped in a city of millions, yet never having been more alone.

Maybe he always had been, considering how blind love made him, believing to hold the love of a woman who cheated on him for who knows how long, likely even making use of his nights of working and being home late.

He had been such a fool.

The small ringing of a bell announced his arrival as he entered the familiar small grocery store which always was the destination at the end of days like today.

One benefit in all of his misery, Hongjoong was used to managing his life with little money, he could live from the shortened salary with some tricking and ignoring cravings. There also had been savings for emergencies, put aside for better times.

“How do you even manage to survive when this is all you eat?” San frowned, pointing at the selection of instant noodles and a few cans as he scanned each one. The store belonged to his family and the student helped out frequently.

Hongjoong offered him a playful little grin: “Magic, Sannie. Now…”

He bit his cheek and the man knew, frowning: “Another package? You said you meant to quit smoking for good… you rather should get dinner rather than spend it on this shit.”

Painted nails brushed through dark wavy hair as he shrugged: “I’m an artist, we need to have some kind of weakness, yes? Unless I suddenly find a muse and that one makes me go insane.”

He knew the other meant well as he sighed but added a package into the plastic bag, handing it to him. “Just look out for yourself.”

Hongjoong smiled at the younger: “I always do. See ya.” The guy did not need to know what he was going through, maybe Hongjoong himself was still trying to understand just that.

It was easy to smile for everyone, he had become an expert in that field. Maybe he should join those TikTokers who made seminars out of canvas pages about something that barely was a secret but called it ‘Guide to Happiness’.

At least, he was about to be home, his haven. Hongjoong had been thrilled when he found the under-the-roof apartment because there was no AC and the building was rundown, the rent was cheap but he loved it because he easily managed to access the roof, there was nothing more beautiful than allowing himself to sulk in loneliness while watching the never sleeping city.

It was almost poetic, wasn’t it?

There also used to be the benefit of being the only one who did not put some shutters on the window which was the entrance to the fire stairs. The view was ugly, but it was handy to simply take the stairs and get right up.

Well, it used to be because the new tenant who moved into the apartment right underneath him did not seem to share the sentiment of the others, the window was always wide open and it would be creepy if he would rush past it.

He lurked up but Hongjoong noticed immediately how it was open again and he sighed, muttering to himself as he made the way up to the longer stairs. Too many. He dodged a few abandoned shoes of children in front of one, a growling dog at the third, and survived!

“I am home.”

When he unlocked the door, silence greeted him. There no longer was anyone who rushed over to smile and welcome him back but now, he was not even sure if that ever happened or merely being an imagination, an altered memory.

His apartment was small but that was okay, he didn’t need a living room and only having a tiny shower made being short less tragic.

While Hongjoong lived up to the cliche of being a poor artist, at least he did not need too much space.

His gaze went over the sketches still scattered over the kitchen table, picking one up: “Guess, you aren’t it either, sorry.” Unlike that awful woman, he carefully formed a small pile and put it in a paper tray for all his rejected designs, so far it had been every single one he offered to them.

Maybe it was time to give up…

No, this was not the time to cry and get sad! Urgh, hard enough to admit he had been such a crybaby when moving here, the way how his heart ached and he was lost among strangers. It was when he started smoking again, something he stopped years ago but now.

There was nobody who would complain about the smell.

Hongjoong slipped into the shower, running water always helped to wash away thoughts, he just imagined it as he carefully cleaned every inch before enjoying the feeling of a fresh pair of clothes and ruffling his hair with a towel.

“Attempt number seven it is,” he sat down, pulling over his tablet when a loud ringing sound interrupted the early hours of the night, enough to make him jump.

“The fuck?!” Hongjoong blinked, looking around but he was sure he didn’t even own an old-fashioned alarm clock. As the sound wouldn’t stop, he rushed to the window, lurking out only to realize it must be coming from your place. Why would you have an alarm clock going off at nine?!

Nobody else seemed to be interrupted by it but Hongjoong and he was working best at night. As nothing happened, he figured you probably just forgot to turn it off before leaving, how reckless to leave your window open in New York!

There was clear hesitation before he climbed out of his window, taking down the stairs: “Screw this…”

Your window was wide open, the curtains softly floating outside, all lights on. Your place was just a little bigger than his but you surely put more effort in! The walls were painted in a comfortable olive green, plants matched perfectly with the white furniture and there was a large gaming setup he did not really expect but then, what did he know about you? The bed was covered with far too many pillows but there it was, the one causing so much trouble.

The alarm clock had the shape of a flower, it was cute and he wondered how somebody who liked such a style would move to this part of the city…

“What do I do?” Hongjoong looked around. He counted to one hundred. There was nobody in sight, the sound drove him insane and he did not want you to get back home just to find your expensive equipment stolen. The world was an asshole to him but he intended to be better.

He swallowed and slipped inside your home, quick steps leading to the damn noisy item to turn it off. At that moment, the bathroom door opened and you walked inside, holding likely a few bottles of soap you just switched out, your gazes met and he could see how your face turned red, just like his own, and the next second, there was a small scream and you started to throw shampoo bottles at him.

Hongjoong tried to dodge them, dropping the alarm clock in the attempt and grabbed one of your pillows to protect himself.

“Hold on! Stop throwing things at me”, he called out but now you seemed angry.

“Why would I do this?! You just broke into my apartment! A thief? Gosh, you are one of those perverts, aren’t you?” You were one burst of energy, he had to give you that. Hongjoong was about to say something when he fell backward over another pillow.

His hands lifted up into the air, praying you’d not murder him with hair conditioner: “Hold on, hold on. I live above you! Your alarm wouldn’t stop and I thought you left so I meant to close the window, lots of robberies in this neighborhood!”

While your face remained distrustful, you held your movement in the middle of the air, frowning, doubting.

“Which neighbor breaks into a place to turn off an alarm bell?” you questioned and that was a good question. Who would have done that?

“Well, I actually work at night, I need a little bit of silence but how am I supposed to do this with that noise?” he pointed at the alarm once more and this time, you considered his words.

“Fine, let’s say it is the truth. It’s still weird, you could have used the staircase and just knocked on the door like any other angry neighbor would.”

That was… a very good point.

“I should have done that,” he admitted and slowly stood again. You were looking at him, maybe considering how he barely looked like a threat, considering he was wearing pajama pants and a hoodie with a washed-out brand name.

“Alright, I will forget about it. Now get out!” you pointed towards the window and Hongjoong found himself blushing in embarrassment. he clapped his hands, bowing slightly: “I promise to knock next time.”

As you hurried over, you wondered if he had seen right and there was a small smile on your lips as he carefully slipped out. As he turned around on the fire escape, you closed the window, and your gazes met for a moment, he was giving you a tiny wave before you rolled your eyes and closed your curtains.

Hongjoong stood there, blinking for a moment until he sighed and made his way upstairs, just to be greeted with the wind likely having shut his own, forcing him to go all the way down like that and up to his apartment. Thankfully he didn’t lock the door yet when he came home earlier.

“Tch, such a reckless neighbor,” he smiled.

“Oh? Oh! This is new!” Wooyoung fished the box with flower-shaped chocolate out of the paper bag. Hongjoong made a face, trying to snatch it but the younger grinned, holding it up.

“They are also kind of expensive, do you have a crush?” It took some effort but eventually, he stole his box bag and gave it to San who was scanning them.

“I am not in love, I just kind of pissed off one of my neighbors and now I intend to make it up somehow since they live in the apartment right underneath me,” he put quite a bit of effort in leaving out as many details as possible because Wooyoung would be curious enough to just knock on your window to see himself.

“Right, you said somebody moved into the empty apartment? Took some time, you mentioned that it was already without a tenant when you moved in.”

He appreciated the cashier was offering some distraction to his best friend’s consideration of just going with Hongjoong, he did not need to say it out loud for the older to guess as much.

“Ah yeah, the landlord was surprised when he offered that one but I asked about the rooftop apartment instead. I just like the peace and quiet, nobody above me, all that,” he mumbled, rubbing a hand over his neck.

“The Lone artist above the rooftops of New York City, romantic if you asked me,” Wooyoung winked and grabbed his backpack. “Anyway, time for training, call you later San!” He waved and rushed off, the other just smiled before handing the grocery bag to Hongjoong.

“I am sure the person knows to appreciate it, this is the first time I have seen you try and … well, mention to interact with anyone outside of this store.”

Hongjoong tried his best not to swallow hard. While San only was having a casual conversation, he called out something that the artist had tried to avoid admitting: he had dodged everyone and everything ever since coming here.

The hurt was still too deep, the way the person closest to him, he smiled at and kissed every day, threw him away like trash and everyone else saying he should understand how it certainly wasn’t an easy life rather than taking his side

or just offer comfort.

He could have used a hug.

Now, it was hard to let anyone in. San and Wooyoung were nice but they just were two guys working at a grocery store that was conveniently close to his apartment, as kind as they seemed.

“I just really like living here, sure, the neighborhood’s a bit … tense at times but otherwise, the rent is really cheap and the place is great to work at, not much noise considering we are in a city of this size.”

San was looking at you, it was hard to tell if he took it or simply decided to keep his thoughts to himself but he smiled: “Well, just make sure to also enjoy the city, not only busy yourself with work. I know, artists are said to do that but yeah.”

It was as if he wanted to say more but Hongjoong already waved in tiny, grabbing his bag: “Speaking of that, I have a deadline so I better be going. Thanks again.”

Hongjoong was out the moment after, he could not hear San’s deep sigh when the bell rang once more.

He spent a good amount of time drawing a little doodle that looked like your alarm clock, looking upset and cursing about that weird guy in a little thought bubble. Next to it, Hongjoong wrote, "Sorry for having broken into your place, heard this chocolate is great." He was pleased with the result and carefully stepped outside his window, placing the little delivery right by your window, knocking against the glass, and he rushed upstairs, jumping into his own home as he waited for the noise of you opening.

His heart was beating loudly when he lurked around the corner, hearing you sigh but in a pleasant way. He did not dare to fully look, biting your lip but after a very long minute, he could hear your voice: "Just knock next time you want to say hello."

Your laugh was so soft and cute.

He grinned when the window was shut a moment later and the chocolate was gone.

Hongjoong had a talent for forgetting about time when he was working and it was less about the deadline and more so about his passion. He always loved to draw, it had been his escape from a young age and he pushed through it, no matter the concerns of everyone around him. He never wanted to be rich, just do what he loved and make enough to be able to live from it.

In a way he did, his old apartment was small but nice with a lovely view and enough space for two. Looking back, he had been a fool how he thought that his ex would enjoy it, that she liked they took their time and both added to a dream of a larger home. The series he illustrated with a few other artists for a children's magazine was doing well then, he knew it was one of the favorites in consideration of being further produced with another spin-off when it happened, Hongjoong quit.

Just like most, he also worked digitally but when he was in the early stages, he often liked to reach out for old-fashioned paper, getting a few sketches done. It was when his pencil rolled from the table that he pulled the chunky headphones from his ears to pick it up when he heard it for the first time.

It was a quiet sob, the kind where you hated yourself and just wanted to stop but your body was boycotting you, ignoring your quiet pleas for it to stop. Hongjoong had done the same for a while after coming to New York but somehow, yours hit him more than he expected. The way you faced him when he came in, the conversation after.

He should know better than assuming you were a confident person just doing your thing.

His slim figure pressed against the wall next to the open window when he listened to how you cried.

It was strange, when the heart ached, even a city like this could fall in utter silence, making one feel even more alone. He bit his lip, it was hard to listen to it and when he finally convinced himself that checking on you was more important than his fear of interrupting, the small clicking sound to pull his window fully open seemed to be enough to chase you inside like a bird fleeing from busy human steps.

All Hongjoong managed to see was the way how your lights turned off and for a moment, he wondered if you maybe prayed that he did not come down to see, that the weird guy above you just opened his window to let him some refreshing air in at the end of Summer.

He was trying to recall all of those nights after you moved in, where he kept his window open and so did you. What did he hear then? There had been that clicking sound, he could hear it any time he ended up sneaking up to the roof to smoke a cigarette. He never put much thought into it but now, you always seemed to be typing on your keyboard and you were home all the time, just like he was.

When he returned from groceries, your lights were on, and when he lurked outside in the morning, the window open.

In a movie, he probably would have thought more about it and told himself to see if it would happen again. Maybe you just had a bad day. Maybe you were just going through a hard breakup.

Just.

Maybe, if anyone had been more gentle with Hongjoong, he'd not have felt the need to move far away in a desperate attempt of moving on.

No, things would have been different if people would have acted and wasted less time guessing.

"Screw this," he cursed and walked over to the mirror. He was trying to fix his hair but it was a mess so he grabbed a hoodie and put on some summer shorts, cigarettes shoved inside of his pockets, two bottles of soda in each hand.

If you thought he was insane after this, he could live with it, really. He preferred it above having to regret wondering what happened tonight.

Hongjoong took two stairs at once until he was in front of your windows, curtains closed and while it was dark, he could see a small gleam of light, likely from your phone. He took a deep breath before knocking again.

"Hi there, it's me. Again... Uh I am Hongjoong! I know I am probably starting to get annoying, and if you decide to not answer, please just do not call the police.... I was just thinking, maybe you want to have a soda with me? I can't slepe either, I tend to work through the night.

He rambled because this was how he found comfort, he did not need to hear specific words, just little affirmation, a gesture of love. It could be something silly.

When you did not answer, he bit his lip and looked around: "Uh, I will sit down here and smoke one cigarette. If you decide not to come when it's done, I promise I go back up. I'll leave you one bottle there."

He called, placed it down carefully, and moved over to the stairs, taking a few up before sitting down, opening his own drink before lightening the cigarette.

He was exhaling only for the first time when the window opened: "You know, smoking is super unhealthy?"

Your voice did not indicate that you were crying but he could see your eyes still being red and puffy. Hongjoong looked at you like you were amazing just like that.

"You are right, I admit, I only picked the habit up recently again."

He blinked surprised when you grabbed the bottle and sat down by his side, just to take the cigarette away and inhale the smoke. He was blushing, not having expected such a bold move after you cried.

"Guess, we can make it a bad habit just for tonight then," you breathed and used the stairs to open the bottle, drinking it more like it was a party drink rather than ordinary soda, offering the cigarette back.

Hongjoong was in awe, he did not assume you would be so outgoing, although he had no doubt you were brave considering the way you two encountered face to face for the first time. The thought let him grin a little: "Sounds good to me."

His gaze wandered back over the not-that-pretty view: "The sight from the roof is pretty amazing, not sure if you maybe want to have a look another night. I can show you how to get up there."

You laughed, relaxing back: "Why am I not surprised you went up there?"

The man looked innocently: "Well, I have a lot of time to think when I am settling for a design."

The word seemed to gain your interest and you leaned in: "You work at night and that doodle was really cute. Is it something artistic you are doing for a living?" The question was fair and straightforward, leading him to shrug just a little. Most people were disappointed about the answer, somehow it did not seem to be a popular idea when it came to art.

"I work as an illustrator for children's books or that is the preferred one, I also do magazines or commercial designs for such. As for books, I do both, the traditional ones for young kids where the images carry most of the story but I also occasionally take scenes from books for older audiences, you know, mainly those right before young adults where you find little images between the chapters? Mh, I dream to make one exactly in the design I want but for now, I am stuck to work with criteria set by the publishers."

Hongjoong learned to explain what he was doing right away because when it came to illustrations, people often thought about the really expensive artworks connected to infamous titles. You did not really seem to bother with the clichés, instead, your face was so bright and excited, that he was feeling shy.

"That's so cool? I only got into reading because of those kinds of books. I mean, I get it, you are supposed to go wild with your imagination when it comes to reading but I always preferred those pages that told me what to expect but that makes sense, I'm a number person. I like facts."

Numbers, huh.

"This is the very infamous part where I offer to you that if you ever want to see something, knock on my window any time or well, I guess. You have all the right to just walk in through my window. I am awful and my phone is my alarm clock tho," he teased with a more confident grin and you returned it gladly.

"I will keep it in mind, Hongjoong." You stretched.

"It's getting late and you wasted your cigarette, I will take that as a sign to withdraw," you smiled and picked up your bottle, standing. The artist was a little disappointed but it was fair, he knew it had been far after midnight when he heard you crying but now, he was happy to see you relaxed.

"Maybe I will come back to your offer," you hummed and walked down to your window. "Oh, by the way, I am __ and don't be too disappointed, I am a software engineer. That is also why I am home all the time, the bliss of being able to dodge offices but I feel, that you know well."

As you slipped inside, you were about to close the window before lurking out again: "The chocolate was tasty, thank you."

As the window shut, Hongjoong stood there, smiling to himself.

He didn't remember ever having felt as tense in the past when handing in drafts. His old publisher had been a guy in his early 60s and even in the early stages of Hongjoong's 'career', supporting them to test their own ideas within the limits of the work. Something about getting a poor payment but at least, being able to do their thing.

There was yet a small voice of hope, one that told him this piece of paper would not be torn apart because the woman was looking at it far longer than she had at any other of his earlier designs. After hanging out with you, Hongjoong had worked nonstop, a new adrenaline rush that helped him get done with it.

Finally, he exhaled when she leaned back, placing it on the desk: "Finally, something we can work at. I approve of the cats, I expect a more detailed version at the end of the week. The dogs are too ... basic. There is just nothing memorable about them, I want two pairs of options for them. That would be all, Mister Kim."

Hongjoong could live with that! The cats were the story's main protagonists about a pair of cat siblings moving with their owners to a new city and dealing with all of the changes. Yeah, maybe it did not seem like a deep story, just another book to offer comfort to kids moving but the name on both, the writer and label were big... opening doors. What else did he have left than his career and maybe, the nagging desire to show everyone how he could do it?

I would rather be happy tho, and loved.

He only gave her a quick nod as she seemed busy again, slipping out of the office. "Why is this such a pain...." he mumbled and checked his phone. Would it be weird or too early to ask you for your number? Hongjoong hadn't given it to anyone, well except San because he got permission to use the convenience store as a secondary address, should packages fail to be delivered to his door.

Hongjoong could not deny that he was tempted to look you up online but he did not log into any of his accounts since coming to New York. If anything... he did not even tell anyone. He just sold everything, quit his job, and moved. The only person who knew was his older brother, who had been supportive unlike the rest of the family but accepted his wish to remain hidden for some time.

"Honjgoong!"

Hearing his name out in the open made him wince and he blushed when he noticed it was you who called out for him. You were smiling, waving confidently, ignoring gazes. Maybe you really just had a tough day last night. It was so hard to imagine you being somebody who cried a lot.

"Seeing you out in the wild, I am scared," he teased with a grin, walking to your side. You pointed at the heavy bags with groceries, making him realize what you wanted.

"I see how it is, somebody asking me to make the stairs my workout," he chuckled as you looked innocently. "How about, we call it quits then, for good? And in return, you can use the fire escape as often as you want, no worries. You did start to avoid doing that because of me, didn't you?"

He was surprised by the question: "Uh... how do you know about that?"

You laughed and it was sweet, he preferred seeing you happy: "Well, when I signed the contract, the owner told me the guy above likes to take them so he advised me to put something in front of the window but then, nobody ever came."

It was your way to tell him you appreciated he tried to think of your comfort, wasn't it?

"If you are sure, I rather like walking them. I got one of those window locks, I found them on a website and they are really handy. I just prefer it because the dog from the lady on the third floor, he hates me," he admitted.

It seemed to amuse you: "Not surprised, you remind me of a cat or maybe more of a fox? Mh, I love them equally, pick the one you prefer." You rushed ahead while he took the bags, rubbing a hand over his face. Ah, it was a talent of yours, wasn't it? Making him blush.

Thankfully, it wasn't too far from the building and Hongjoong got up all the bags in no time.

"Do you want to come in?" your offer showed a hint of hesitation and Hongjoong was overworrying again. Would it be strange to accept it? Was he too keen on showing how he really would like it?

"Sure, I have some time until nightfall. I have to update some of the designs, they finally accepted two of them," he made sure not to stare, not only to be polite but he already had seen your apartment when he broke in last time.

You opened the fridge and offered him a bottle of cool water, one he gladly accepted. "You said, you do like computer things... Don't mind me, I do not know a whole lot about it. I admit, when I was here last time, I thought you might be a gamer."

His Ex used to watch Twitch streams, something about finding them relaxing.

He regretted the question the instant he asked because of how your expressions slipped.

"Ah, you could say I used to enjoy gaming? It was something I did with a ... former friend." The way you reacted hinted likely it must have been a really good friend, or why else would you look so hurt about saying such a thing` Friendships ended so often, yet this one must have meant a lot to you.

Hongjoong tried not to read too much into your expressions, he did not know you well enough to have a right of doing so, likely just misreading it.

"I am sorry to hear. My friends and family weren't always so keen on my obsession with working for book illustrations either. I would not say they meant to tell me to instead work a proper job but they thought, I should just work for some big company that needs them for ads and such but that is just so soulless, you know?"

His confession was too honest but he felt comfortable with you, sharing it. Maybe it really was because you were strangers and you did not know him or his past, you wouldn't judge him based on that.

He prayed you'd not. You seemed to think about it before saying with the kindest smile: "Following your dreams is important, Hongjoong. I get that, families always mean well but sometimes, we have to figure things out on our own."

He was too nervous to offer a good answer.

"Anyway!" the quick smile was forced but he accepted it. "You said, you know how to get up on the roof? I was thinking, we could do it tonight? It sounds silly but there will be a star shower... I do not think we can see it in a city like this but we can pretend to! I shopped for some snacks, we can make it our own little event."

Hongjoong blinked, eyes big when you invited him: "Oh! Sure! I can make some time, just knock on my window!" He did not have the time based on the deadline... but he would get it done for you! Sounded like time to fight the habit of sleeping in and work during sunlight hours for a change.

"Awesome, I'm excited then!"

There was not too much else to be said it seemed, your thoughts clearly elsewhere, and Hongjoong could only guess it was because of your friend.

The illustrator spent an hour trying to pick an outfit. Tanktop, skinny jeans, some jewelry, he even picked a barret he hadn't worn in ages but it seemed the best way to deal with his hair, even his nails were repainted before he climbed up and prepared a small cozy corner, a blanket, two pillows and a few LED candles.

By the time you knocked on his window, he was almost terrified he made it look too much like a date but then, he looked at you and it seemed, you had a similar mindset. You looked stunning, and the backpack hinted you got more than a few snacks.

"You look amazing," Hongjoong complimented, he liked your style. "Sush, you sure you aren't a model and just failed to tell me?" You brought up the cliche line but it made him laugh: "Well, I tried."

As he joined you, he led you up the stairs which ended abruptly. "If you pull here, there is actually a hidden ladder," he explained and showed it to you. "Very handy, and you can simply pull it up from up there so nobody sees it."

You seemed amazed just how simple it was and carefully climbed up first.

"Oh Hongjoong, this is so pretty!" you gasped, looking at his little setup. The sun vanished just a little while ago and the candles created a nice atmosphere.

"Well, how often does one get invited to star gazing at my age? I thought it would be nice," he explained, chewing his lip as he helped you take off the backpack.

"Well, I guess it is good then I brought an entire picnic!" Indeed, you did but it wasn't just snacks, you prepared the meal obviously yourself and it made him wonder. Did anyone other than his mother ever do this for him?

"This looks delicious!" he clapped his hands together, looking over it.

"Mh, I cannot promise the taste can live up to the looks because it has been a while since I made most of these dishes," you admitted and offered him a pair of chopsticks but he shook his head: "It already smells great, and nothing can betray that."

You seemed to enjoy how expressive Hongjoong was in showing just how much he loved your cooking. His face did not manage to hide it but it was to no surprise, not only because it was tasty but because he had been living off ramyun for the past couple of months due to his cut salary.

"This is so good, I will vote for you as home cook of the year," he mumbled between trying to chew and swallowing.

"Hongjoong, are you sure you ate in the past month or two? You are eating like you were about to starve," you smiled but there was a little concern in your voice as you ate slowly.

The artist carefully placed his chopsticks aside, contemplating if it was okay to be so honest but since he already shared quite a bit with you, it seemed fair.

"To be honest, I came here a little unplanned. I got this really amazing deal or it sounded like that but the publisher CEO lady has rejected all of my designs of the past few months and they cut my salary in half every time. I get around with some savings but food wasn't on top of my priority list."

Now you did seem concerned and sighed: "You know what? She is stupid! I looked up your work and it's so cute? I mean it! I know nothing about that business branch but I like it, they are cute and as a kid, I'd have loved them but also... I used to share a place with somebody and I have a hard time getting rid of the habit of cooking more than I need. How about you come over here and then, and pick up the rest? I hate to throw away so much."

Did you look him up? Oh, that was unexpected. Hongjoong was just looking at you in awe and you seemed a little confused by it.

"You do not have to, of course!" It seemed you both were good at misreading.

He hurried to wave his hands: "Oh no! I'd love that! I just... was a little shy when you looked it up. I appreciate it. If you ever need a doodle or like ... anything drawn, let me know. I like doing it for people."

As he looked at you somehow, it felt like you two were the same. Something happened which brought you here, leaving behind a very different life but now that you sat in front of him like that, Hongjoong was so grateful and he tried to place the meaning of his heart beating just a little too enthusiastically right now.

"You know, when I was in high school, I was befriended with this really amazing guy, Hwa. He moved away with his parents before graduation but after exams, when we both knew we screwed up really badly. He would drag me up to the rooftop of our school and play silly songs from the early 2000s we danced to. I know that sounds insane but how about... we do that?"

Hongjoong didn't think about Seonghwa in a long time. He tried to find him online a few years ago but it seemed the older did not think too much about social media either.

"You want to dance?" you chuckled and checked your phone: "Well, I'd say we have another hour until the promised star shower so let's do it. You will have to provide the music tho, I forgot to close my Spotify on my computer."

Hongjoong grinned: "No worries, I got us."

It was funny but he remembered the song and there was an entire playlist dedicated to the vibe he wanted to go for. Relaxed and soft, a little silly but not embarrassing. He ensured the volume wouldn't cause too much attention but you did not seem to care at all.

When the melody and the lyrics began you just let go. Hongjoong swallowed as he watched you and for the first time in a long time, suddenly he was feeling... excited? It was different from a grand job offer or moving, it was more like that telling himself life would go on actually was real. That good things still would happen if he just kept on going.

"What are you waiting for? Don't tell me you are getting shy now," you moved closer to him, taking his hands without hesitation before starting to dance together. The shuffle was doing a good job because it went from energetic, leading to the two of you just silly jumping and vibing to something a little slower and before he knew it, his arms were curled around your figure and you rested your head against his shoulder as you moved with the music.

"This is nice," you whispered, your gaze seemed to be far off in the distance. "I forgot how nice it can be just like that." You sighed deeply without saying anything else but Hongjoong quietly agreed as his hug tightened a little. "It really is."

It was only when your phone started to ring and you withdrew that he was a little disappointed. "Okay, time for the stars!" you smiled, looking around before glancing back at the blanket. "Let's do it like we are in the countryside!"

Without hesitation, you grabbed a pillow and laid down, looking up to the sky which was just dark, the light of electricity stealing the beauty of the night. Hongjoong laid down next to you, looking up.

"Isn't this the most beautiful night sky you have ever seen?" you gasped, pointing towards nothing: "There they are! Okay, time to make your wish but remember, you can't tell anyone!"

You were so bright and outgoing, Hongjoong envied you but also quietly was thankful how you tickled this out of him again. Even before his breakup, he had been so busy struggling with work and expectations, when did he act so carefree for the last time?

"Working on the wish," he whispered and closed his eyes.

His wish for life never changed: be happy, together with people who truly loved and cherished him and he'd do the same for them.

He winced when he felt your cool hand reaching out, squeezing him and his head turned around, the beret slipped from his hair as your gazes locked. There was another moment of hesitation but you rolled onto your side, your eyes saying what words did not manage but they did not need to as you slowly closed them. Hongjoong's hand was placed on your cheek and you met in the middle into a tender kiss.

It was nothing breathtaking like in the movies, much more a kiss between students who never kissed before but yet, were so lost in the moment that they didn't worry. It only lasted for a little before your lips parted: "Guess, my wish already came true just now."

Hongjoong blushed, he wanted to say more but there was a small quacking sound. The two of you sat up immediately.

"Did you hear that?" you whispered. Hongjoong nodded: "Nobody ever comes up here and I come here almost every day since I moved in." You exchanged a few gazes before carefully standing up, following him closely, hiding behind the chimney.

Suddenly, a large figure dressed all in black jumped up like a ninja in a movie. You gasped but Hongjoong just blinked.

"Wooyoung?!"

"Wooyoung?"

"Wooyoung!"

San's figure showed up right behind his best friend, who was tugging on his jacket, clearly catching his breath. "I told you not to do this!" The younger man was just grinning: "But I had to make sure I left an impression!"

You chuckled as Hongjoong pointed to you that it was okay.

"I take it those are your friends?"

The word made Hongjoong blink. He saw these two idiots almost on a daily base now, he talked to them and while he never shared any personal details, they never treated him like other customers or a stranger.

He really did a great job on distancing, didn't he? Considering he claimed to have nobody but just made friends without realizing it.

"Something like that," Hongjoong said with a quick smile but Wooyoung already pulled him closer, pressing his cheek against his. "Sh, he is just shy! We are the best buddies!"

Hongjoong yelped and now was sparring with Wooyoung while San rubbed a hand over the back of his neck: "Sorry, we didn't mean to interrupt your date. Wooyoung has a hard time keeping his curiosity in check."

You hummed, knowing Hongjoong didn't hear it. Maybe it was for the better.

"That's okay. Actually, that's what I like about him. He's chaotic, just like me."

You clasped your hands together, cheering. "So Wooyoung! We got some food left, are you hungry?"

The younger stopped, grinning: "Always!"

Hongjoong groaned when he was woken up by loud noises coming from the staircase. He rolled onto his side, face lit up by his phone screen. It wasn't even seven but for some reason, it seemed neighbors decided to make a fuss. There was screaming, he was sure about that.

He grabbed a pair of sneakers, not caring too much about all else and decided to have a look because it seemed a little too loud considering you and an elderly woman lived the floor underneath.

The moment he recognized your voice, Hongjoong stopped all logical thinking, he took two stairs at once to face a very upstyled woman around his age. Expensive brands and overdone makeup, there was an envelope open, torn paper on the ground, and you were all in tears.

"What's going on?!" Hongjoong rushed to your side but you barely seemed to recognize him.

"How did you even find out where I live?! I won't sign this just go!" you yelled and it seemed to make the woman just more angry.

"___, stop being so stubborn! Just sign the damn rights! You are not part of the team anymore, you have no use for the brand name! Just sign it and we never have to meet again!"

By now, more neighbors had come and the least Hongjoong wanted for you was to deal with the police.

"Hey, get in. I will take care of it," he whispered to you, both of his hands on your cheeks to force you to look at him through teary eyes. It was when you finally realized you weren't alone, you swallowed hard, nodded but carefully withdrew. When the woman tried to get in, Hongjoong pushed her back.

"If you do not leave now, we will call the police! If you have any needs, use a lawyer!" he remembered how his mother watched those shows when he was little, they always just yelled about lawyers.

"Who are you? Loverboy? God, how can one person fall so low? Living in this shithole and now this?" she hissed, spitting on the ground before leaving. Hongjoong waited to ensure she'd not get back up before he slipped inside, closing your door.

You had curled up on your bed and he was a little overwhelmed but it did not matter. Hongjoong called out your name gently as he sat down on the edge of the bed, wanting to make sure you knew he was there, maybe his way of asking for permission.

When you did not move, he curled his arms around you to pull you tight like back on the rooftop, hand gently patting over your back. He wasn't going to tell you it would be okay or ask you to stop crying because he knew that sometimes, mind or body did not want to, couldn't.

All one needed sometimes, was a hug and somebody there with you.

It was hard to say just how much time passed when you turned around slowly. Hongjoong loosened the hug a little without moving back and you looked at him.

"You do not have to tell me anything," he assured in his soft voice but you shook your head slowly. "I want to... it just... it's embarrassing."

This time, it was he who shook his head: "Nothing that makes you feel sad ever is embarrassing, ___. Your feelings matter, you know?"

He was relieved to see it brought a little smile to your lips.

"You know, that also is true for you. If you are sad... it's okay. I understand it. Please don't feel like you have to hide it."

So you did look right through him after all: "You got me there... It is hard to admit weakness... I guess, for me at least. I was hurt by the people I cared for the most. Now, it is hard, like how to let them in again, how to trust?"

Your fingers gently reached out, brushing over his cheeks and he held still like if he moved, you might vanish into thin air.

"I get that," you admitted. "You see, that woman used to be my best friend since middle school. A few years ago, we started to stream together for fun. I made good money with my job, so I bought the equipment and I really was okay playing more of a background role. We worked on it together but she was the star, I didn't mind she also streamed a lot without me but then, numbers rose and there was a sponsorship she did not tell me about. One day, I got home from my office, and all the equipment was gone, together with my best friend. I was locked out of the accounts, the savings I kept at home for emergencies were stolen, and well. She spread some nasty rumors about how I was jealous and things got ugly... So I moved here. It is hard, your best friend is usually the person you rely on for comfort when something awful happens but now, there was nobody and I am stupid, the type of person that fully believes in a friendship."

It was sad, to think how money always ruined everything, love and friendship. Hongjoong watched you as you spoke, going more into the details and he made sure to listen well, to show you that he didn't only do it because you two kissed or because of you crying. He really cared about you and wanted to understand you better so he did not have to fear again, that imagine of you alone on the fire escape.

"There is nothing awkward or embarrassing about your feelings. You trusted and lost her. You tried your best to start over, leave it behind but she cannot let it be for selfish reasons," Hongjoong concluded and you finally relaxed.

"Thank you for listening.... that really helped," you whispered. "I... if you ever want to..."

Hongjoong wondered for a moment. Did he want to talk about it?

Yes, but...

"Honestly, I am not sure if I am really ready yet to talk about it but one day... I will," he promised and placed a gentle kiss on top of your head.

"How about I make you some tea?" he offered with a smile as you looked at him, you nodded and you two slowly sat up. Hongjoong was very determined to wrap you properly in a blanket burrito, ruffling your hair gently before moving over to your kitchen. He could feel your eyes on him as he moved but he did not mind it.

A few minutes later, he handed you a cup of yasmin tea and you hugged it carefully, sipping on it.

"You make a very cute blanket cat," he teased, hoping to cheer you up. "Maybe one day, you will let me draw you like that." And finally, there it was, your beautiful laugh. "I will think about it."

Hongjoong sat down by your side, he turned on the TV and you relaxed against him as you watched a random show just to get your mind off and sipped your tea. It wasn't until there was a more gentle knock on the door and the familiar voice of the elderly lady.

"I will get it," he offered and rushed over. She seemed a little concerned: "My, so much noise in the early morning. Such an unpleasant woman. I wanted to see if everything is alright but I also noted, that your door is wide open Mister Kim."

His cheeks flushed as he realized, he rushed out earlier without bringing his key or closing it. "OH! Yes, thank you so much," he bowed and it made her chuckle: "You are very welcome. Fear not, Mister Corner on the second floor left his dog outside, I have no doubt nobody will dare to make the way upstairs today."

As she wiggled away, Hongjoong turned around but you smiled. "It is okay, I am feeling better. Thank you for looking out for me. I will see you later?"

He did not want to go but it likely was a good idea to give you some space. "Count on it."

As much as he hated it, he needed to put some time into work if he intended to finish everything within the deadline but now that Hongjoong had a reason to work extra hard, he was doing it no problem and within a few hours, he finished a few sketches. Those would do for angry CEO and he could dedicate his evening toward you.

He was taking his phone from his charger when he noticed a small notification. Hongjoong turned off such with the exception of receiving one when somebody new followed him. To his surprise, the name of his latest follower was 'Hwastar' and there was only one person who would use something like that.

It took him a few minutes to remember his password, he ignored all other messages other than the one of the follow and he followed back. Within a few minutes, a message popped up. It really was Seonghwa and to Hongjoong's surprise, the man was in New York, asking to meet.

When Hongjoong knocked on your door and you did not answer, he guessed you were asleep and he decided to go for it. Seonghwa had picked a cute coffee shop, something that suited him. While he looked the same, he was yet a whole new man. Tall, well-built and stylish, the long hair suited him well but the smile was as gentle as when they saw each other for the last time. "Joong! It's been too long!"

There was a quick hug before they sat down, he was sipping on a drink. "You look good, Joongie!" Hongjoong glanced down, he barely could say he wore anything unique but then, he just really had gotten used to his style. "Not like you who seems to go to fashion week."

Seonghwa blushed a little before waving his hand: "Nah, I work for a small publisher." Hongjoong wasn't surprised to hear it. Seonghwa always loved to read and was great with all kinds of people "That's great! I am glad it worked out for you."

His old friend smiled before to the younger's surprise, he pulled out one of the children's books Hongjoong worked on as part of a team.

"I only recently moved to New York because we moved our office here. When I walked through some bookstores, I came across this one. I am glad to see you still do art... When I went home last time, my mom said you left and nobody really knew where you went."

So he did hear about it, huh?

"Breakups can be ugly, I guess I wanted to start over." Hongjoong finally said what he had not to anyone until now. It was hard to say it out loud because that way, there was no chance to deny it, to hide the truth about the why, and how it had come to this. Maybe because there was this old trust he had for Hwa that made him say it out loud now but it was impossible to hide the bitterness in his voice.

Seonghwa had an understanding, sad smile on his lips: "I know you loved her. You two already dated back then... but Hongjoong... I am also proud you are moving on, and didn't stop."

It really was difficult to let negative emotions take over when Seonghwa looked at him like that. He pulled out his business card: "I know you are currently working with a bigger name but we actually finally expanded to books that require some illustrations and my boss would love to meet you. Why don't you think about it? The offer is there, no expiration, whenever you want."

Hongjoong accepted it with surprise, looking at the cursive font he was sure was inspired by his friend's handwriting.

How did things finally fall in line? Was it because he was ready to let them?

Hongjoong looked up and smiled: "I will definitely call."

When he came back, it had gotten dark. As Hongjoong took the fire escape up, your window was wide open and you sat on the stairs, the wind playing with your hair and you seemed lost in thoughts but the moment you saw him, the way you smiled, he knew.

His heart finally exhaled, it held its breath for so long, scared of what would happen if it let go of all that was and no longer would be.

Now it knew it was okay. Breathing would hurt for a little while but eventually, the beat would fall back in line as it should. Painful memories remained but it would keep beating.

The wisdom wasn't wrong, life went on.

Hongjoong smiled back as you made space for him and he got comfortable, his gaze wandering over the cityscape of New York or the bit you managed to get from here.

"it really is ugly, isn't it? I mean, all we get to see are the lower side of those giant ass buildings;" you joked and he laughed, shaking his head: "No, we do not but we have the rooftop. Not that I mind this."

He closed his eyes: "It really is a great escape, I would say, we need those stairs everywhere in the world."

You hummed: "I agree. Just that we need little stickers on the windows, one that tells us that if the alarm won't go off and the windows open, just throw a shoe or something."

Hongjoong smiled innocently at you: "But how do I get my shoe back then?"

You grinned: "Well, by knocking, of course. Then, I have an excuse to invite you in."

You did not need an excuse, he gladly would come and visit you. As you looked at each other, a certain silence spread, and Hongjoong played with one of his bracelets.

"I got my heart broken very badly," he admitted. "I guess, I was blind? Maybe I just was so in a habit of having it that way, that I did not think it could change? It hurt a lot and I ran like a coward but now, maybe this is just how I am. Sometimes, I do stupid things that turn out to be good but I am also blind like needing forever to realize how I made friends just by being myself or that I can feel again."

As he looked at you, turning around, you suddenly hugged him tightly. "It is okay, you do not have to tell me everything, ever or just take your time. I will be here, whenever you are ready," you whispered and Hongjoong was surprised.

Argh, he hated how tears started to dwell up at the corners of his eyes. This was all he wanted for so long but now, here you were and you were so much more than comfort, the promise of a future where his heart was beating not only to live but love. Again.

"I really like you," he admitted, voice soft and husky. "I like you too," you repeated and for a moment, you just held each other.

Hongjoong looked at you before he swallowed: "I'd like to see where it goes... but I might... need a bit of time before I am ready to go all ..."

You placed an index finger on his lips and smiled: "It's okay. We have all the time in the world. Summer is not over yet, many nights on the rooftops. Then, when autumn comes, we go chase leaves in Central Park, and in Winter, we can wear big fluffy coats and share a scarf. Then Spring, we plant flowers on the rooftop, and when Summer comes again. We will be here, together. Close or as friends, I will be here, count on it."

You really were so dreamy, it made sense now why your room looked the way it did.

And he loved how you were bold and silly and this.

"I cannot promise not to be spontaneous, and I might would like us to be more than friends," he admitted and you smirked: "I love random and wild."

You squeezed his hand and Hongjoong was looking forward to all seasons. In this lonely city full of people but now he had friends, old and new but most of all, you.

As you leaned in to kiss him, your alarm was going off. Hongjoong groaned but you tugged on his jacket.

"Sh, you can throw shampoo at it later," you promised and Hongjoong laughed.

"This alarm, it drives me insane," he whispered, your lips so close.

"So do you."

In the best way possible.

#hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x you #hongjoong oneshot #ateez fic #ateez x reader #ateez oneshot #ateez au #ateez writing #kim hongjoong x reader #hj tag #hongjoong comfort #reis writes

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writingwithfolklore · 4 months ago

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3 Most Common Notes I Give While Editing

I’ve gotten to edit a whole lot of your guys’ work (thank you for trusting me and engaging on our discord, by the way!) and have noticed a few pieces of advice that I give more often than others. So here’s the most common notes I give while editing pieces!

1. Subtext is key!

Subtext in dialogue can be really tricky, and I’m still finding parts in my own work that could benefit from it. Essentially, your character’s goal when in dialogue with someone else isn’t to be understood, but to protect themselves. Rarely do people ever say what they really mean, because saying what you really mean is vulnerable and scary. The extent someone would put up defenses against another person depends on the situation, their relationship with the person, and context of their conversation, but there are few times when you're really, truly vulnerable.

Of course, the big exception being neurodivergent characters and if your character is just the type to really speak exactly what they mean. You can decide if a certain character of yours is more or less guarded than others, and whether any of them aim first and foremost to be understood over their own wellbeing, safety, or comfort.

Read more about your beginning here:

Want me to look at your piece? Read the guidelines here!

#writing #creative writing #writing community #writers #screenwriting #writing inspiration #filmmaking #books #film #writing advice #free editing #writing feedback #3 Most Common Notes I Give While Editing #Writing With Folklore editing

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imsorrythatimweird101-blog · 7 months ago

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**Using gateway tapes for void state*

Many people (especially Tumblr, I see y'all) are really interested in the void state. Me too honestly but here's the information that I got about the void state through the gateway tapes.

**By One-lawfulness**

“Glad to see others here who also use the gateway tapes. I'm starting to believe we'll 1 you can shift with them but more so F15 is essentially the void state. It seems they are described the same way.”

“ body asleep/ mind awake is indeed F10. However the void state from what I read is when your pure awareness. You don't feel the body, you can't see, hear, touch, etc. There is no body at all your simply awareness. There's a post I believe in one of the shifting groups where someone linked and reposted a Twitter post where someone went into detail on what is and isn't the void state. All I know is the void state while it shouldn't be hard to reach isn't as simple as some think. But it makes sense since it seems shifting, manifesting, etc is all instant from it.

This should link to the post

https://www.reddit.com/r/shiftingrealities/comments/18swmdp/definitive_guide_to_the_void_state/?share_id=1dj52vByrbmI3Q7rNmULO&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=

Well they say the focus levels are different for everyone but there are some general guidelines to it. Some where someone linked a page with a brief description of each focus level and when you read F15 I think or maybe 12 it's described as a void.

But if your looking for manifesting it seems some say you can do that in F10, 12, and 15 but I assume it's easier the higher you go.

(It's F15)

If I find the page with the focus level description I'll link it also

Found it

https://www.monroeinstituteuk.org/focus-levels/

Personal experience

what's recommended is once you get there the first thing is to manifest being able to enter it easily. Then from there do as you wish. That could work. I assume using it along with LOA is a great combo to help get into the void state the first time. When I was first trying the void state before using the gateway tapes I was in F10 essentially and couldn't fully go into it.

I stayed with F10 for a while but realized I was holding myself back because F10 wasn't hard to enter and I was saying I needed to master it first.

**By Beautiful_V**

F10 is SATS. SATS is the mind awake body asleep, you repeat a scene to mnaifest but that isn’t SATS it’s the state you do that hence state akin to sleep. You can manifest all the time using it! Instead of affirmations (lullaby method) I visualize until I fall asleep in this state. The trick is you can’t be too tired or too awake. Or even better just do it during a nap never takes me more than 3 days.

**Beautiful_v manifesting method**

“My routine”

-Do Wim Hof breathing technique

-Have theta waves immediately playing afterwards

-Count to whatever gets me to floaty feeling at first it was 500, now it’s 200/300 when you lose count just go back to the nearest 100th so you don’t fall asleep

-when I get the floaty feeling it means I’m about to fall asleep so affirm or visualize desired results.

-fall asleep in the wish fulfilled there will be no time for you to doubt because you’ll be too tired

-do this for 3-5 days it works in less depends on your beliefs but I always say 3 days because that’s what I read from Neville so I adopted that mindset !

**Big_suggestion9**

“Yes F10 is considered the void state”

Background: he has his own YouTube channel and is currently on wave 3 tape 6! He's personally like a mentor to me because I ask him about stuff. This is what he personally told me.

He's experience

https://youtube.com/@TheGatewayExperience?feature=shared

**My opinion**

Everyone is right in this discussion. Gateway tapes are based on personal experience. **No matter what, you need enter F10 for anything. Shifting, astral projection, void state. F10 void state or not. To achieve anything you need to achieve F10!**

**What do you recommend?**

You want to go into a void state? Then finish gateway tapes for F10 (gateway 1). Then do F12, after MASTERING everything. Go to manifest tape and affirm that you can go to void state instantly or whatever affirmation you want. Simple as that

**PLEASE READ**

(All credit to them, I did remove some digits from the username. Please do not contact them! I don't want to have a bunch of people flooding their Dms. If you have questions about it. Ask me and I will message them personally if it's that's okay. THANK YOU!)

#reality shifting #void state #void #shifting blog #manefesting #law of assumption #law of manifestation #gatewaytapes

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aclassitag · 6 months ago

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Announcing Krem Week!

#kremweek2024 — 22-28 July 2024

background art credit: @xfreischutz [link to original post]

*text prompt list under the readmore

This year will mark 10 years since the release of Dragon Age: Inquisition! In celebration of that anniversary and the game that gave us our first trans character, here is a prompt list - and dates - for any who would like to participate! All sorts of creative content is accepted so long as they are not A/I generated. (See examples below)

*If you want to portray Maevaris Tilani instead, that is also fine!

Please read the guidelines!

If you have any questions, reply to this post and I will do my best to answer :)

Prompt list:

1 — Anniversary 2 — Euphoria / Expression 3 — Casual / Formal 4 — Family / Love 5 — Respite / Fight 6 — Play / Satiate 7 — (Free space!)

Guidelines:

Use the tag: #kremweek2024 (@ this blog is fine too) — If you want to portray Maevaris Tilani instead of Krem, that is also welcome! Please @ me so I can rb :) For non-Tumblr folks that somehow got here: You may post submissions, please link your socials. You may choose one of two prompts in a day or do both. You may also combine as many prompts as you want from any or all of the days into a single work, just mention it somewhere.

Types of content allowed:

Illustration and writing are the most obvious forms of art allowed, but they're not the only ones! Literary arts fanfics, drabbles, poetry, plays, lengthy headcanon/meta posts (for headcanon and meta posts, minimum of 100 words+) Visual arts doodles, paintings, graphic design, photoshop memes, photography, animation, tiktok skits, abstract, fiber arts (embroidery, knitting, etc), ceramics Audio art fanmixes(curated playlists), original or cover songs Other crafts are also welcome! e.g. culinary, resin, woodworking, etc etc ..essentially, whatever type of art it is, I'll accept it so long as it falls within rules and is related to Krem or Maevaris :) For things that are more abstract, do include an explanation of your thought process on how it relates to Krem. E.g. you made Krem's Seheron Fish Wrap or Rice Pudding, take photos of your cooking, and post that (with the explanation that it is Krem's recipes) - that's an acceptable submission! You're allowed to explore different mediums everyday! You don't have to stick to one form of art for the whole week. I will be attempting to schedule reblogs in the 'prime time' for engagement, and in the interest of fairness, things like headcanon posts, fanmixes, and WIPs will not take priority in that time slot over fully rendered illustrations or complete fanfics. They will still be reblogged, but scheduled for other time slots.

Content Rules:

No A/I generated content. (Specifically GenAI content) As above, any and all forms of art is welcome. It must be human made, and by you. The whole point of working off a prompt is to explore a creative process, anyway - do yourself a favour and just enjoy making something! It doesn't have to be pretty! No reposting of other people's works. This must be your own creation. Obviously, no transphobic content. No harrassing others over their specific headcanons - be it in regards to any trait or quirks that come with being a person. People come in all sorts of wonderful variety, please respect that. In addition to above: No whitewashing, racism etc. Please note that Krem is not pale-skinned in canon, and I will not be reblogging content of him being portrayed as pale. 18+ works need to be labelled. On this blog, its tagged as "#adult art". Please add content warnings as appropriate. (E.g. portrayal of binding with bandages should have a warning label of "cw: unsafe binding", etc.) If your post/submission is lengthy, please insert a read more. This helps readability on the dashboard. Progress / WIPs are fine too!

General tips:

First and foremost, do what you are able to! Don't feel pressured to complete a full week if you need to take care of yourself first. Some people work on the prompts before the week even begins, and only post it day of. You are not required to do this, but if you really want to fill something for each day, this helps reduce stress day of.

Mod things:

The mod isn't from the Americas, so due to timezone differences, there may be a delay in reblogging people's works. Either way I will not reblog the moment that it's posted in order to screen properly. Posts will be queued between 30mins-1hr apart, if there are multiple entries being submitted at the same time. All submissions will also be requeued after a week for later perusal :)

#cremisius aclassi #kremweek2024 #dragon age #dragon age inquisition #bull's chargers #iron bull #also i am. running out of krem posts. help #krem aclassi

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dr-spectre · 23 days ago

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I think that it's now more important than ever to keep making art.

Whether it's some scribbles on a piece of a paper, paint on a canvas, typing out erotic fanfiction about two cephalopod women, i need you to keep going. OKAY?!

Keep going at your own pace. Don't feel like you have to "grind" to achieve success, you're probably young as hell, you don't need to become a masculine obsessed fucking nutjob that is so obsessed with "discipline" and all this bullshit. Sure "discipline" is cool but... That shit takes a LONG TIME to develop and it only comes with experimentation and see what you believe in and what you enjoy. Don't get.... heh...... heh heh..... BRAINWASHED!!! by women hating bald bastards online who wanna turn you into a fun hating robot that's all about "work work work." Fuck them.

You are a human with flesh, blood, bones, a heart and a brain. You are not a machine. Got it?

Anyways, in talks of art, i wanna give my own sort of help for my writer friends out there! I thought it would be fun and plus, there's too many damn writing tips out there that boil down to "you HAVE to do this thing, you HAVE to follow this structure" and i think that is bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit that gives you more stress than needed. You know how many boring mid action movies come out that follow the hero's journey? The three act structure? The story circle? It is better to just make shit and learn what you could do for next time.

There are no rules, all of the "rules of storytelling" are just optional suggestions that you can either take or leave. Plus it seems like every fucking YouTuber has a different set of rules that conflict with each other anyways. However, I wanna share my own sort of "basic ass fundamentals of stories" that can fit into any story structure you want! I got these guidelines from the YouTube channel The Closer Look. I like their content, it's very insightful.

Here's Dr. Spectre's basic ass fundamentals for stories.

Characters. Simple, a story must have characters otherwise you are making something else that is not a story.

Progression. Is there a sense of progression? Does it feel like for every second of story it isn't stagnating or getting dull and boring? Does it feel like shit is happening and growing? If it feels boring to read for you, then it's gonna be boring for another person reading it. Progression could be plot based or character based and them growing as the story goes on. Doesn't matter which one, can be both or one. Good stories never feel like they are staying the same or spinning their wheels.

Delivery (Aka. Setup and payoff). Do you deliver on the promises in the story? And do you deliver them in a way where the audience after they finishing reading or watching, they felt like it was all worthwhile and they didn't waste time consuming your story.

Everything else? IT'S OPTIONAL!!! COMPLETLY OPTIONAL! YOU KNOW HOW MANY STORIES BREAK THE "RULES"?! Do not become reliant and dependent on these "rules" because it'll slow your development and discourage experimentation. Not every story is gonna fucking follow the Save The Cat format.

There is also the talk of theme and i will say this.

Theme is not "this story is about sex, drugs, greed." No. Theme is a message or argument, it is not a word, it is something you are trying to say via a story. People don't have to agree with the theme, but it must make people think about it. If your story is about sex, what is it trying to say about sex? That sex is a scary thing and that it's okay to feel scared and worried about your first time? What are you trying to say about greed? Etc. Etc.

I read through a Sonic comic recently that everyone loves called Scrapnik Island and guess what? I fucking love that comic too.

Scrapnik Island isn't truly about Sonic and Tails getting stuck on an island and Mecha Sonic is there and he becomes evil and does all this stuff. No, what it's ACTUALLY about is that your worth as a person isn't determined by successes and failures, Mecha Sonic feels like he is worthless and is a failure because he not only failed to kill Sonic, but also failed to help his friends on Scrapnik Island. However, Sonic snaps him out of that bullshit mindset and it's truly, truly wonderful stuff.

Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion isn't truly about Agent 8 being trapped in a facility and defeating an evil ai. It talks about racism and what does it talk about specifically? That it doesn't matter what someone looks like, as long as they are a good person that's all that matters. That life is varied and beautiful and it's worth protecting from those who wish to destroy it.

There's a reason why Agent 8 takes the time to soak in the fresh air and sunlight near the end of Octo Expansion, why Eight has memcakes to collect and we see their thoughts and wishes. it's there to explore that theme, that idea of what the story is truly about.

Splatoon as a franchise is about how wonderful creativity itself is, that art and life are connected and grow together and are important and deserved to be protected. Commander Tartar, Mr. Grizz and Overlorder are all opposed to that idea and that's why they are the antagonists. DJ Octavio less so because he is trying to save his own culture and art, even as to go far as manipulating a mentally ill Callie who was already growing distain and tiredness from her own culture, so it just so happens that these two chaotic forces share the same ideology.

Now, I wanna say, do you NEED a theme to make a story? No. BUT! If you don't have something to say and that connective tissue, then it's gonna weaken everything else and the action, plot and characters have to be fucking top notch. The "Rule of Cool" only works when... you know.... it's cool? And well done?

Anyways, I've rambled long enough. Please keep making art, please? Especially now considering what has happened. I need you to hold onto hope, hold onto creativity and fun. You must. You have to...

Be good people.

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icyg4l · 2 months ago

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Who Is Your Next Crush?

Hello beautiful people, I am back with a new tarot reading! From now on, you can expect me to post 2-3x every week unless said otherwise. I also am open for readings so if you would like one, please don’t be afraid to book with me. Privately message me if you have any questions! Please refer to my guidelines if you are interested in a reading. Without further ado, please select the pile that resonates with you!

Pile One: "You fit the criteria" is what I heard as I was shuffling. It feels like you do not have a specific type. You're someone who just likes "hot people." But this person is about to rock your world. There's something about you that has gone unexplored. This person will help you explore what you truly desire. I feel like you and this person have a lot of support outside of the relationship between you and them. Everyone ships you two together. This person is either a fire or water sign. They're tall and could play sports or be into drawing. I am channeling the energy of Troy and Gabriella. If you're still in high school, this may be your high school sweetheart. If not, then you may be in the midst of a transitional period where you're still figuring it out. This person will see you go through lots of changes and phases for as long as they're in your life. Your person looks really good in yellow. They have a liking for vegetables, could potentially be vegan/vegetarian. It feels like this person is someone that is very practical. They like structure and routine, but they're always down to have a good time. Now, you could be suspicious or nervous about what this connection brings to you. This feels like both a physical and an emotional connection. However, it all depends on the vibes that you give off. Do you want to be in a relationship or do you want to just mess around? It's all up to you. Don't be shy/scared. Be bold.

Cards Used: Princess of Cups, The Tower, King of Wands, 4 of Discs, 8 of Discs, Death, 6 of Discs, Strength

Pile Two: This person is very attractive, Pile Two. I feel like your person has Capricorn, Aquarius or Pisces placements. They are very blessed down there. They also have a nice ass. But the thing about them is that they come off as emotionally distant. To you, this could come off as mixed signals. They could come from a family that did not allow them to show affection of any form. But they do have money and beauty which is what will draw you to them. Thus person could come off as reckless or anxious. They may be unsure of what it is that they want. They could possibly have an injury or some type of disability (i.e. on crutches, wheelchair, arm sling, etc). It feels like this person is going through something at the moment. This person values their money a lot. They could have 2H placements. This person could also be a public speaker, a rapper or singer. I heard "protecting the assets." This person is someone that doesn't have many friends, but they are very close to their mother. They value her opinion a lot. Lastly, you and this person will not be in each other's lives for long. You shouldn't try to tie yourself down at this time. Explore your options. If you spot a red flag, move along. There's a lot more people who deserve your time and attention.

Cards Used: 5 of Cups, Ace of Discs, The Empress (RX), Queen of Cups (RX), 9 of Swords, 10 of Cups (RX), 4 of Wands,

Pile Three: If you've been noticing that someone from the past looks a little too good, then just know it's time to spin again. This person could be going through their Venus return right now. I feel like this could be someone that you planned a future with, or you imagined a future with them. There is some form of rejection with them. You guys could have different values/goals. This person is very future/goal-oriented. They do not like short-term relationships/flings, it bothers them deeply, lol. They fear their time being wasted, so if you see them being prideful or reluctant is because they are scared. They've been doing a lot of shadow work surrounding commitment in relationships & it's been reflecting in their behaviors/looks. In other words, the inner work is reflecting on the outside! This person is a hard worker could come off as a bit uptight but they can be very playful once they feel comfortable around you. I am getting Virgo/Saturn energy heavy with this person. I feel that you will end up with this person, but it will be a slow burn. It's not that they don't like you. They just have issues trusting people, but once you gain their trust, you will have cracked the code!

Cards Used: 5 of Swords, 10 of Cups, Prince of Discs, The Magician, 9 of Cups, 10 of Cups, Queen of Cups, Judgment, The Hierophant, 5 of Cups, King of Cups, King of Discs, 9 of Swords.

#tarot #tarotreading #18+ readings #pick a card #pick a pile #divination #tarot services #free tarot readings #astro observations #law of assumption #divination reading #hoodoo #tarot pick a card #paid readings #tarot pull #dailytarot #tarot readings

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writethrough · 10 months ago

Note

How about a comfort fic with Vessel/reader? Your choice on if Vessel comforts the reader or the reader comforts Vessel!

Just Like Rain

(Vessel x Gender Neutral Reader)

Synopsis: Your anxieties overtake you, and Vessel is there to guide you through them.

Warnings: Self-deprecation, thoughts of unworthiness and self-hatred, language, unintentionally cathartic for me

Word Count: 1557

A/N: Thank you so much for requesting this, anon! I'm so excited for you to read my first Vessel fic!

A little housekeeping for those who have read through my Request Guidelines, and may be confused about me writing for a real person when it says I don't. That is still the case, but Vessel is a character when it comes down to it. So, I feel comfortable writing for him, especially in the way I've written him here.

Also—and I hope this goes without saying—I will not entertain theories and rumors about any of Sleep Token's identities.

Enjoy the music for what it is, as the band intended. And I truly hope you enjoy my interpretation of Vessel.

The burn felt good. The steam made you breathe heavier, but you didn’t want this to be easy. You wanted to feel every inhale—stand under the water until you were seared from within; until it felt like you were in your body and not a whisper away from being dragged into oblivion.

You choked back a sob; still so fearful someone would hear you when you were the only one home.

There was no reason for you to cry.

So many people had it so much worse.

But here you were, on the verge of panic because you didn’t feel like yourself. You didn’t even feel human.

You wished you could put a name to it, but you couldn’t.

What was wrong with you?

Why did you have to feel like this? It came out of nowhere. Like you were struck by a fucking semi.

You just wanted it to stop. You wanted to feel normal, to not have these sudden bouts of...of what? Melancholia? Sadness? Anger? No word seemed strong enough for it.

All you wanted was to rip it out.

Your tears fell harder.

The water cooled. You turned the knob further.

And then there were arms around you.

You tensed, choking back your sobs and covering your mouth as if you could hide what he had already seen.

Slowly, carefully, as if you would break, Vessel turned you to face him.

Without a word, he cupped the back of your head and brought it into the crook of his neck.

You refused to remove your hand.

All it did was make your shoulders tremble.

His fingers traced up and down your arm, more of a breeze than a touch. His other hand slid down to the back of your neck. The pressure of it spread through your body.

Your hand dropped from your mouth and tentatively found its way to his chest. And as he inhaled, you let your hands travel to his back as you stepped closer.

He held you there, head resting atop yours.

It was only when you shivered that you realized he had turned you, blocking you from the piping hot spray.

You sniffled, finally looking at him.

He cupped your cheeks, brushing away the tear tracks, then pressed his forehead to yours.

Let us go to our room, my love.

His words passed into your mind. You nodded.

He stopped the water, helped you out of the shower, and dried you both.

He guided your limbs into your sleepwear and covered himself with loose black pants. He looked almost...human...like this.

You couldn’t help thinking that he was more human than most everyone out there.

---

Your day started out fine.

You woke from a wonderful dream—one Vessel had created. A peaceful afternoon beneath a willow tree, snuggled into his side, his fingers trailing along your forearm, down to your fingertips.

He had tilted your face toward his, kissing your forehead. You had closed your eyes, and when you opened them, you were in bed, his lips still pressed to your skin.

You got ready for work, Vessel watching as you moved through your room to the bathroom and back. He enjoyed observing you. The personal rituals you did for different occasions, different times of day. Perhaps the one he enjoyed the most was when you asked for his opinion when your ensemble was complete.

He’d stand from his perch on the foot of your bed and step toward you as if in a trance.

“You are breathtaking, my love.” He always spoke it. He wanted you to hear the power in the words—the power you held over him.

You left, and Vessel would gather with the others. You’d ask him about his day, but admittedly, you were still confused about everything they could do—everything they were charged with doing.

Maybe that was where is started.

You didn't understand. Could never understand.

And a chasm opened.

You were so fucking stupid.

You deserved to feel like this.

Insignificant.

Unneeded.

Unwanted.

Everyone was better off without you.

He’d be happier without you.

All these fucking noises.

Why was everything so goddamn loud.

Dogs barking. Cars honking. That fucking clock that wouldn’t shut the fuck up!

It all made you so angry. Why were you so angry?

You had to make it stop.

That’s how you ended up in the shower. At least there you could control the noise. You could feel it mark you. Let the heat punish you.

A hand on your back pulled you back to reality.

Let me see you, darling.

You didn’t move, wished you didn’t need to breathe.

He didn’t deserve this. He needed someone as extraordinary as him, someone who could understand. You could barely wrap your mind around how vast he was; he was everything, and you were—

“You are my heart.”

A sob escaped. You had forgotten. Too consumed in your own thoughts that you forgot to keep them from him, to stop projecting them.

He whispered your name, and all you heard was his heartbreak.

You refused to look at him, covering your mouth to keep your cries back.

“Please,” he urged. “Please believe me. You are the most precious to me. Do not think of yourself with such loathing.”

His hand rested on your side, a silent plea to face him. When you didn’t, he forced you to. He never did that—used his strength against you—but this was an exception.

“I am the one who does not deserve you. My existence is burdensome to you...but I am too selfish. I cannot lose you. I will not leave you willingly. I...I will stay by your side...until you demand otherwise.”

It pained him to imagine it. He was so bad at hiding his emotions. And yet, it was what you needed. That break in his voice parted your darkness. The thought of him ever not being here scared you.

“I don’t—” You hiccupped. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“Darling,” he breathed, sympathy and relief in that one word. “Come here.”

You wrapped your arms around his waist while his settled over your shoulders.

“My place is by your side,” he said. “Thank you for allowing me here.”

Squeezing, you nuzzled your face into his neck. The edges of his mask-like features settled you into reality. He was here and so were you, and you were together.

You sniffled; throat too thick to speak.

I love you.

His mouth pressed into your crown.

You are the one I cherish most.

At the end of your exhale, relaxation enveloped you—a heaviness only he could instill.

You didn’t want to talk. You didn’t need to. You just needed this day to be over.

Sleep, my beloved. And awake anew.

---

You didn’t dream that night, and you were grateful. It was the kind of emptiness you needed.

When you opened your eyes, you were facing Vessel. Your fingers were touching, bodies apart but connected, always.

Sometimes it was difficult to tell if he was awake. Even facing one another, the spaces where his eyes should be neither opened nor closed. His breathing was what gave him away. But not this morning. Today, it was the way his pinky finger wrapped around yours.

Dearest one.

It moved through your mind like a gentle breeze, and it sounded like “good morning.”

He seemed to move before you did, anticipating you shifting closer, so his arm wrapped around you and his hand caressed the back of your head.

You are rested?

You hummed. He always asked when you both knew he didn’t need to. His insecurities needed the reassurance that he had helped you.

Yes. Thank you.

You punctuated it by gliding your lips along his throat and placing a kiss above his Adam’s apple.

The purr that erupted pulled the corner of your mouth up. He was always responsive in the mornings, less guarded before the walls of your bubble faded.

What are you feeling?

Not “how,” but “what.”

Inhaling, you took stock of yourself. You recalled your pain from yesterday, but that already felt so long ago. Like your mind was trying to protect itself after what it put you through.

All you really felt was him.

Safe.

His head tilted downward so your foreheads touched.

That pleases me.

You rubbed your nose with his. Content to simply feel him.

The others and I have decided I shall remain with you today.

It had taken you a while to get used to the connection him and the rest shared. Honestly, you were a bit jealous. After all, how convenient it was to cancel plans just by thinking about it. He probably did it in the seconds before you woke up.

So, what should we do?

Anything that will make you happy.

That sincerity always made you pause and scrutinize him. How could anyone truly mean that?

Yet somehow, he did. Every time.

And if I said this?

You traced curves and swirls onto his back, reveling in the strength you felt within. Sometimes you swore his power was tangible.

“Then I shall continue to warm your bed.”

Your flush was instantaneous, and you knew he could feel it against his neck. But before you could stutter a reply, your stomach growled.

“Perhaps breakfast first?” he asked.

You nodded. “Definitely.”

Taglist: @steph-speaks because one of my only points of pride is introducing you to ST.

Comment or message me if you wanna be tagged in future Vessel fics!

#sleep token #vessel #vessel sleep token #sleep token vessel #vessel fluff #vessel angst #vessel oneshot #vessel one shot #vessel x reader #vessel x you #vessel fanfic #vessel fanfiction #vessel imagine #vessel imagines #vessel x gn!reader #vessel x gender neutral reader #sleep token band

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lost-in-fiction-like-ur-mom · 2 months ago

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Hi! I've read a couple of your fics and guidelines for requesting and I'd like to give it a go. Can I get a Tech x reader who's a friend of Phee (canon divergence where He lives) where he falls in love with reader and spends time relaxing on Pabu. Hope you have a wonderful day/night/whatever time it is for you! 😁

Falling Swiftly

Tech x Reader

Summary- Being a friend of Phee's, you meet The Bad Batch. Tech catches your eye, and you eventually get to live out your dream with him on Pabu.

A/N- *slowly slides in*.....So its been almost three months since I've posted.... SORRY! Better late then never? Either way, it's here now!! I hope you enjoy, TYSM for requesting!!! I went a little crazy at the beginning, sad to happy is MY FAV! The timeline is slightly exaggerated.

Word Count- 1,622

Tech. CT-9902. Brown Eyes.

You had first heard of the name when your friend Phee had sent you a Holo message. One that explained she ran into a group called 'The Bad Batch,' that they would be returning to the island with her.

You were ecstatic that your long-distance friend would be returning to Pabu. It had been weeks since you had seen her, you needed to catch up.

She always told you about the trifling adventures she went on, she was the thrill seeker of the friendship. You were content living vicariously through her.

Though, her bringing in a new 'batch' of people? Mild concern flowed through you, but you trusted Phee's judgement. Even if she had barely escaped death many times.... Okay, maybe you didn't trust her completely.

When word spread through the island that a ship was inbound, you knew it was her. Pabu didn't get many visitors.

You eagerly awaited her at the top of the island, a safe distance from the landing pad. You were practically bouncing on your heels with excitement.

"Phee!" You exclaimed as soon as you saw her exit the ship. She laughed and walked over with open arms.

A warm hug was exchanged, but cut short as the rest of 'The Bad Batch' walked down the ramp.

A small girl and three men, who vaguely resembled clones, appeared.

Your eyes immediately landed on the quirky looking man. He wore glasses, shaded yellow, and had his head down to look at his Holo pad. He somehow managed to not trip or run into anyone. This slightly impressed you.

"This is Pabu. My home away from home!" She announced to the group.

"And this, is my dear friend." She shared your name to the group while you awkwardly waved.

The tension was eased as soon as the young girl, ran up to you.

"That's such a pretty name, I'm Omega!" She radiated energy, her kindness was contagious. "Thank you. It's really nice to meet you, Omega."

Pleasantries were cut short as Phee continued her tour. You trailed along with them, mostly keeping quiet.

You always noticed how people tuned you out, almost forgetting you were there. It was something you were used to, so why change? You were talkative to the people you were comfortable with, wasn't that enough?

Somehow you didn't feel that way with, who you learnt was, Tech. Sure, his eyes were glued to his pad most of the time- but the few days you spent with him felt different.

When traveling around the island with everyone, Tech didn't let you trail behind. He always kept up with your pace. Only a few words were exchanged alone, but he always made you feel... human. He didn't let you be forgotten.

It shocked you when he knocked on your door, asking to go on a walk. You could faintly hear Omega and Wrecker snickering behind a bush.

Fighting your surprise, you accepted.

From there, the two of you spent hours upon hours together.

The smile on your face would only grown when he started ranting about his current interest. His vast knowledge amused you.

When he recounted tales of him and "The Bad Batch's" adventures, you felt like you were really there. Not to mention some of the recordings he had showed you.

One night, the two of you had found yourselves by the sand. The sound of the water splashing up made you sleepy.

With your arms crossed under your head, you laid flat. Tech, who was next to you, sat bent over. Of course- his Holo pad was between his hands.

"Did you know some beaches glow?" He started, eyes still down.

"Hmm? Really?" You asked, shifting your attention to him.

"Well-" He pushed his goggles up. "They are not technically glowing. The bright light is caused by ostracod crustaceans, which are bioluminescent organisms."

You closed your eyes, listening to him rant on about different sea life that illuminated light.

Your smile soon dropped, sadness overtaking you. A wave of emotions hit, you remembered all too well that he was leaving in the morning... You understood he had to save his old friend, Crosshair. Though, it didn't hurt any less.

Desperately, you tried to conceal your pain. Only a sniffle escaped.

Tech, oh so observant, Tech. "What is wrong?" He set his Holo pad down, eyes locked on you.

He cared about you so much... You squeezed your eyes shut and shuffled to a sit. You could barely respond, your tears overtaking you. "You're leaving..." At that, you shoved your face in your hands.

You didn't notice that Tech had moved closer until his hands gently pulled at your wrist. "I'll be back." He insisted, trying to see your face.

"Tech, I'm worried for you. What if something happens?" You stared at him, an argumentative tone present.

With an unintentional scoff, he spoke. "I have been on many improbable missions. If I thought this one was impossible, I wouldn't be going."

You sat there, wrist still in his grasp. "You don't understand.." Your eyes filled again.

It's true Tech was not one for emotions, or picking up on tension. It was difficulty for him to process others feelings.

"I know. Please... Help me understand."

You just sobbed, he pulled you tight against his chest. You could feel his heart beating, it was fast like yours.

He kissed the top of your head, at a loss for words. Eventually, a hand fell down to rest on your back. He slightly rubbed it every so often.

That was all you remembered of that night. It had been days after, no one knew when they would be coming back. If they were coming back. It was a no contact mission, the risk was too high.

Your mind was filled with thought of him. Sure, he was gone, but he seemed so vivid in your memory.

He was genuine. You knew he wasn't lying when he pushed your hair back and complimented your eyes.

You knew he wasn't lying when he held your hand softly and told you how he yearned to stay with you.

You knew he wasn't lying when the two of you picked flowers and promised a future together.

Who knew that future would be at such a high stake? Was your Tech going to come back alive?

It had been a painful two weeks. Each day without him was a stab to your heart.

What had stressed your out most, was seeing their ship fly in... It was about to be reality. Was he alive? Dead?

You anxiously shifted on your heels at the top of the island, not unlike the first day you met Tech.

Hunter was the first off the ship, next was the man you assumed to be Crosshair.

"Hunter! Is he-" You would later feel bad for not welcoming Hunter back as well, but he'd understand.

Your question was answered as soon as you saw him pace out the ship. For once in his life, he wasn't holding his Holo Pad.

As you would later learn from Hunter, Tech had never been this eager to land the ship...

"Tech!" You ran up, meeting him. A slight jump had you wrapping your arms around his neck. His own hands joining on your lower back.

All you could do was bury your face in his neck and whisper thanks to the Maker.

Your arms only relaxed when you felt kisses on the top of your head. "Oh, Tech. I missed you more than words can describe." You said, pulling slightly away to look into his eyes.

"I think I understand." He said looking down at you. Your eyebrows furrowed slightly, confused. Then it hit you- the beach.

With a sob, your grip tightened again as you held him.

A slight pang hit your chest when remembering that moment, it quickly went away. You were completely content with Tech, living out your days on Pabu.

The memory did, however, make you want to see your husband. Getting up from your chair in the kitchen, you headed out to your somewhat of a shed. Tech mostly worked in there, tools and projects that helped Pabu.

You gave a quick knock on the wooden door to let him know you were there, but you assumed he already knew by him calling you name.

A mischievous grin came across your face when you realized he had taken his sleeved shirt off and tied it around his waist. The Pabu heat was no joke in the summer.

"What ya working on?" You queried, leaning over him. Your chin rested on his sweaty shoulder.

"Experimenting on an echolocation device to persuade fish towards the fishermen's ships." He explained briefly for you, head still down working at a handheld device.

When you didn't move nor respond, he shuffled to look at you. "Did something happen?"

His eyes absentmindedly scanned you for any physical injury. Deep down, Tech was still a soldier.

"No, just thinking about you." You smiled at him, just wanting to spend time with him.

He understood well enough and moved to pull a chair up by the table. "Here, you can watch." His words seemed off putting, but you knew that's just how he was. That it was his way of showing he cared and also wanted your presence.

So, you sat and listened to him rant about the technological side of his piece, and that the last step was to make it bolt to the base of the fishing boats.

You couldn't offer many ideas or solutions, but Tech being able to talk out the project helped him tweak his wires. He always worked better with you next to him...

A/N- Thank you so much for reading! This is BARELY proof read, sorry! I just wanted to get something out for you guys!!! Please let me know of any constructive criticism!

Tags- (LMK if you want to be tagged as well!) @thethreeeyed-raven @knight-of-flowerss @dangraccoon

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xclowniex · 1 month ago

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Hi, I'm just struggling to understand your pov: from what I've gleaned of your blog, and people on social media who stand with Israel and also want safety for Palestinians (@rootsmetals on ig specifically), you guys don't believe any peace is possible with Hamas in power (which I can get behind, Hamas doesn't seem to be acting out of care for Palestinians). Hamas breaks ceasefire deals and refuses to release hostages, I get that. At the same time, Israel is holding so many Palestinians as hostages and in prisons. Israel has the backing of the US, and there are videos of their drone strikes against Palestinian kids playing football. All the terrible stuff. What do you think should be done with that? The atrocities and terrorism Israelis are going through is terrible and upsetting. At the same time, I feel like Israel has the upper hand here, and I worry a two-state solution (or whatever solution) won't treat Palestinians like equals (like, I'm worried anti-palestinian racism will systematized). I don't know what I'm trying to ask. Would asking, "Do you condemn the IDF," be antisemitic? I guess I'm just frustrated that from what yall are saying, the onus is on Hamas to relinquish power and end it all, and I don't see yall devoting the same energy to holding the Israeli military and the Israeli government accountable (maybe you think it goes without saying). Sorry if it's not coherent, it's late, and my brain is fried from reading.

Hello!

Thank you for taking the time to read and try to understand instead of leaping to conclusions, it is much appreciated.

You are right in your understanding of my views.

This post will be long but I do encourage you to read it all as it covers everything with nuance and math. The last bit of this post is the most important of it all too.

To answer your questions surronding the IDF

1. Your question surronding holding those in the IDF accountable:

The Israeli government has done bad things and does deserve to be held accountable. What I personally think is that individuals in the IDF responsible for war crimes need to be arrested and criminally tried in an international court of law.

2. Your statement about Israel holding Palestinian prisoners:

The majority of Palestinians prisoners are those who have committed crimes in Israel or have conspired to commit a crime.

There are Palestinians held who have not done anything to warrant being imprisoned, and obviously any number higher than 1 is bad, and there are far more than just 1.

Realistically because I am not Israeli so don't have any experience directly with Israeli politics on the ground, I cannot say realistically what should happen, however ideally what I would want to happen is for policies and guidelines to be updated, and for the updates to be enforced, ideally with, I'm not sure the right word specifically, but like an overseeing committee to give periodal reports to make sure everything is held to a high standard.

3. Your question of if asking "do you condemn the IDF" is antisemitic

It depends on the context. If you see a random jew or Israeli online and ask them, then yeah it is. This is because you don't really see people messaging Chinese people and asking if they support the CCP. If you see a blog engaging in discussions surrounding the conflict, then it's more of a gray territory. If the blog has said it before, then from the perspective of the blogger, you either didn't care to look through their blog or did and think they're lying, which can be interpreted as antisemitism if they assume your motivation for either of those is antisemitism, however it could very well be that you didn't look hard enough on their blog and didn't have any antisemitism in your intentions, but the blogger could still very well interpret it that way.

Do I myself condemn the idf? With certain actions yes and other actions no. I will not condemn the IDF for defending Israel after Oct 7th. From a logical standpoint, the Israeli government has a responsibility to keep its citizens safe, and a facet of doing so is the IDF doing things. It would be a deservice to Israeli civilians if nothing was done to prevent them being killed. From an emotional standpoint, I have family in Israel. I want them protected and safe. I cannot put into words how much I would mourn for them if they were killed.

Do I agree with every action the IDF has taken before Oct 7th and afterwards? Fuck no. The war has gone on too long. They are trying to get rid of hamas and whilst i do agree with that goal, too many civilian lives have been lost for me to want what they are doing to continue. I can understand logically why they are continuing. They have an obligation to Israel's safety, which includes wiping out Hamas. And obviously those in charge still think going ahead is worth it which I disagree with.

4. Your question of what do I consider it instead of genocide

I consider it at this stage the sad affects of regular war as well as war crimes. Not every action taken by the IDF is a war crime, hence the regular war, but they have committed a number of war crimes, hence that part inclined in my answer.

Whilst we will truly never know the full death toll until the war has ended and a secondary impartial group, so neither Israel nor hamas, have tallied the death toll, we will never know. Hamas includes combatant deaths in their death toll.

Because we do not have 100% accurate numbers to work with, i do not know which to go off of. To break down the various different numbers

Netanyahu says it is a 1:1 civilian to combatant death ratio, so for every combatant killed, one civilian has died which if true, is genuinely impressive in any war, and therefore doesn't doesn't constitute genocide. Like if this is true, militaries around the world need to be taking notes from Israel, that's how impressive it is.

To go with the top numbers from both sides from biased sources on both sides, al Jazeera says that as of 4:30pm gaza time Oct 25th, 42,847 Palestinians total have died. The most recent release from Israel of hamas fighters dead is 18,000.

Based on that, minuses Israel's numbers of hamas fighters killed from total death toll, that leaves us with 24,847 civilians killed.

If we round up to 25,000 civilians so the math is easier, that is a 25:18 civilians death toll roughly. Scaled down to compare with the 1:1 ratio Netanyahu states, that goes to 12.5:9 ratio then to a 6.25:4.5, then a 3.125:2.25 ratio. Further scaling down goes to (following the rules of rounding as it has too many decimals to work with)

1.56:1.125

To further round for nice measures, still following the rules of rounding

1.5:1.2

So slightly more civilians killed than hamas fighters per hamas fighter killed.

To put the numbers prior to ratios as a percentage,

Netanyahu says 50% of those killed are civilians

The biased numbers from both sides says a 57.99%, but we will round it to 58% of those killed are civilians.

According to a UN press release which i will link at the end, taking data from multiple wars, the average death percentage and ratio is 9:1 or 90%. That is 90% of deaths being civilians or 9 civilians killed for every one combatant.

According to the math, Israel's actions are still well under the average death ratio in a war.

Now, genocide does have more factors than just numbers. Intent has to be factored in.

Whilst there have been some israeli officials who have voiced their own personal opinions which are disgusting and say that they personally wish to kill all Palestinians, this has not been reflected in any official decisions released to the public.

If I say an opinion, it does not mean the company I work for also thinks that. To bring it close to home for me, a politician of the Act party, which make up 1/3 of the coalition government here in NZ, want to bring in a bill to overhaul our founding document which will harm Māori, our indigenous people. The two other parties in government have said they do not support it. Ergo, just because David smellmore and his punchable face want it, does not mean the NZ government shares his intent. To bring it back to Israel, just because some people, most who have no power in regards to the actions taken by the IDF made some disgusting social media posts, does not mean that intent is in the IDFs actions.

With all of that said, that is why I do not currently believe it is a genocide.

If evidence comes out in the future where it shows genocidal intent or the hamas fighter deaths being far far far lesser to the point where the ratio is more than 9:1, then I will 100% change my tune and call it a genocide.

The data currently does not show that it is one.

That being said, it not being a genocide doesn't mean that its not terrible or doesn't deserve attention, as it does, it very much does. I just believe in accurately labeling things. Something can be bad and not be the worst thing ever and also deserve attention and activism.

5: what should happen to the houses?

Realistically speaking, it is too complicated to force Israelis from homes one occupied by Palestinians. Some homes were taken by force, some were sold to Israelis (and jews prior to Israel's existence in the modern day). Records will have been lost and I think it's unfair, but not equally unfair, for an Israeli family to be kicked out of a house rightfully purchased as well as for an Israeli family to remain in a home wrongly occupied.

I think that the Israeli government should commit to helping to rebuild Gaza in general, and also to build new houses to house everyone. If it can be proved that a house was wrongfully taken from a Palestinian, they should get the option of their old house or a new house in a different location, and if they chose the old house, the Israeli family should get moved to a new house. Otherwise an issue of homelessness could occur.

Whilst it might not seem entirely focused on justice, as well it isn't, it is focused on the least harm for everyone. Because harm cauaea resentment and I want peace. Sometimes, things can't be idealistic.

6. Onto your last question about why zionists don't often talk about the Israeli government's wrongdoings

That is because there is not a safe space for us to do so. Literally.

I have tried before and I just got asks from antizionists saying that I actually didn't care and was lying to seem more "reasonable" or like a good person. I also got people assuming I was then an antizionist and got a few people who were quite surprised that I still want israel to exist who sent me nasty hate anons too.

If more people allowed for jews and Israelis to talk about the wrong doings of the Israeli government safely, more of us would do so.

But, we often opt out of doing so in public and instead only do so in more private spaces. I have spoken many times about things I dislike that the IDF and Israeli government have done off of tumblr and in a more private space, and I know so many other jews and Israelis who also have done the same.

It is much easier for me to cope mentally with antisemitism as I just brush 99% of it off as some fuckward online who has no real affect on my offline life than it is to cope with people sending mean comments to me because they don't believe I actually believe what I say I do or have these false preconceptions of my views because of a handful of posts.

I do want to again say that it is so refreshing and nice to have someone genuinely ask instead of sending hate. Because you genuinely asked, I gave you my thoughts on the wrong doings of the Israeli government. If you had instead sent hate, I would have given you a half arsed replied instead.

Source for the UN thing

#jumblr #israel #i/p #palestine #i/p war #jewblr #gaza #am yisrael chai #ask clownie

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