#i feel like most of these are going to have the same boxes marked lol

[yojeongin]

it’s too bad you’re married to me | m.l

→husband!mark lee x f!reader | ft. jaehyun + jungwoo

genre: smut, angst, tragic romance, miscommunication, marriage au, 2000s au

synopsis: all mark ever does is use weaponized incompetence to get out of small tasks you ask of him. when he finally realizes you resort to his close friends to do what he can’t— nothing can prepare him for what’s in your pandora box; now karma is set in motion.

warning(s): ADULTS ONLY, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT! oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, orgasm denial, cum swallowing, jealousy, toxic relationship/love, insecurity, vomiting, work field harassment, mental health deteriorating, self sabotage, smoking, mentions of poor eating habits/self care, pregnancy, mark is a horrible husband. this is for the people who only know toxic and bad relationships, woohoo (...)

wc: 19.5k+ || soundtrack || ao3

part 1 | part 2

© 2024 YOJEONGIN all rights reserved — please DO NOT translate, take, nor repost any of my works on other social media’s. reblogs are HIGHLY appreciated and preferred!

disclaimer: this is purely fictional; in no way am I condoning this behavior, trying to offend anyone, nor is it meant to place such image on the idol, these are only characters. read at your own discretion.

an: it's been a year since I last updated the happy together series, I guess I lied when I said the stupid girl incident wouldn't happen with this one but hey it's finally over! this is an epilogue for happy together but can be read as it’s own part. yn’s character here isn’t the same as happy together, this is a completely different yn!! fun fact I came up with this before happy together lol

‘No one wants to think about it. About how your love may run out or hang by a thread because it’s that big, not able to be supported by one person alone. To even have the fleeting negative thought race in your mind. No one wants that.’ — April 25, 2004.

Life was sweet, it was a new romance never felt before (at least in your case). The type to make your heart swell at any sweet action. He was tender, sweet, and attentive. Whatever you asked of him, he’d have for you, ready and in your hands. Mark used to go out of his way for you but slowly the small things became a burden and any little task, he never wanted to do anymore.

Even so, now as you sit on your knees in between his legs, hearing his grunts from the pleasure he is enduring, you put off your own pleasure for his as long as the satisfaction of him feeling loved continues.

With his cock stuffed deep in your mouth, tip hitting the back of your throat. Mark held onto the messy comforter while you kept going. Your nose hitting his pubic bone, staying still for seconds just so he could feel the warmth of your throat around him.

At that feeling Mark allowed a disgruntled moan, loud and perfect. His hips buckle forward, causing you to gag. Tearing up and finger nails softly claw his thighs. That’s the most damage you allowed yourself to cause him. His hand wraps around your hair, the sting of his pulling mirroring the one of your clawing, he was relentless unlike you.

“You’re so good to me. You feel so good, fuck!” He groans, eyes tightly shut. “I love when you gag around me, it feels so good. As if your throat still hasn’t gotten used to me after all these years, pretty girl.”

Raking your nails on the lower back of his thighs, he hisses. With his hands holding onto your head, his thrusts get harder— almost as a counter attack.

The hand you had on his thigh comes in contact with his balls, pinching them where he likes. Playing with and twirling them. Mark’s thrusts become slow but harder, hitting the back of your throat more painful, nothing you wouldn’t take unwillingly, though. He knows you can and will take anything he gives you.

That’s how you knew he was extremely close. When his thrusts were rough and slow, the grip on your hair became tighter when he pushed you further down, becoming extra sensitive to the way you handle his testicles. 

“Ah~ y/n… Please, just a bit more. Ahh…” He pants, stopping his thrusting momentarily until you pinch his scrotum, to which he whimpers loudly. Some sweat had accumulated on his neck and forehead. Glistening, he looked so beautiful, much more than he already is. Mark’s eyes were closed but he could feel your lingering gaze on him. He could feel the penetrating stare that looked at him with adoration.

When he couldn’t handle it furthermore and his thrusts against your throat were becoming sloppy, Mark’s eyes fluttered open, looking down at you, giving you one of his most tender smiles. You never got used to the way he looked at you. Even when he gave you his coldest glares, there was always a sense of adoration to them. 

So one can only imagine the warmth and giddiness you felt when he looked at you this lovingly. Lovingly enough that he removed one hand from your head and placed it on your cheek. Thumb caressing your flesh, soft strokes contradicting the ones abusing your throat.

“What I wouldn’t do to be like this with you forever.” The words contradictory and cheeky to his caring caress, almost conniving. 

Mark’s hips jolted forward, disgruntled moans left his lips but his eyes never left yours. Even after he screwed them shut momentarily from pleasure, he’d always open them to let you know how good he felt. Head thrown back, trying to regain his breath and calmness after the orgasm you had just given him. His hand strokes your head softly whilst you gaze up at him lovingly, your head resting on his thigh. 

“Morning,” your voice snaps him out of it, looking down at you with a smile. “Really good morning.” He chuckles in a breath, leaning down as much to give you a soft and tender kiss, tasting himself on you. Pulling apart, Mark stands up, helping you up from the aching position you were in. Rubbing your knees momentarily to soothe the pang. 

It didn’t take long enough to forget his care and make his path to the kitchen, you trailing behind like a lost puppy, ignoring your ache just to start the day for both of you. “Hey, can you do me a favor?” Your soft voice squeaked against his ear, making him turn to you slowly. A gleam of hope on your part as always.

“What is it?” You could see his emotions coursing through, already looking for excuses as always. “Just— can you pick up an order at Cafe 7 Dream? It’s for Venetia’s pregnancy leave party but I don’t have time to pick it up. Please? During your lunch break?”

Your eyes still glimmer with hope knowing well what his answer already is. “Oh… baby, you already know I can’t. I don’t even know where it is.” He ran a hand through his hair, walking past you after giving his famous apologetic pout. 

Back to him, hopeful smile faltering, slowly closing your eyes disappointed but not surprised knowing the predicted outcome. You sigh quietly, basking in the background noise he made. Opening and closing the fridge door and pans moving around the stove top as if he truly had intentions to do something.

“I guess, yeah… it’s fine I’ll figure it out then.” Defeatedly, you make your way to him, watching him play with the knobs as if he didn’t know how a damn stove works, you only interfered when he opened the egg crate. Rushing to him you took it all off his hands, his faux complaining making you roll your eyes, him oblivious to how it wasn’t playful anymore. “Go shower, you’ll be late.” Still, your voice held no annoyance. 

He chuckles, completely oblivious to your feelings as always. “Or we could shower together…” he suggests, not over the morning rendezvous. Wanting more and more, never satiated.  

You didn’t have it in you to smile at him, shaking your head and dismissing him as you crack the eggs over the pan. He giggles, towards the bathroom, placing a playful slap to your ass on his way.

The walls were thin. You could hear the sound of the toilet flushing, the water running, and your thoughts bouncing off of them. Torturing you with the words and feelings you try to repress all the time in order to live in peace and in love with him.

You loved him. More than anything, to the point it was extremely painful despite him being yours. You’ve fought hard trying to make your love for him unconditional, there was no backing out anytime.

Moments like these in which he shut down your pleas, all you could do was restrain yourself from the ill thoughts your tired brain tried to throw at him. You couldn’t let anything get in between the both of you, not even yourself. 

So instead you rather stand in front of the stove, moving the spatula around to make him his beloved sunny side up eggs. Funny enough, you hated them but if he wanted you to love them, you would.

Coming out of the bathroom, steam painting the mirrors and windows. Mark dries his hair with the towel sitting atop his shoulders, a sniffle leaves him, pulling the chair from the dining table, smiling at you with a ‘thank you’ rolling off his tongue while you set down his dishes and drink right in front of him. 

“You’re not eating?” He questions the moment you sat beside him with just a pouch of Konjac Jelly. You could only smile and shake your head, suckling on the nozzle to get out the contents. You weren’t eating then and there, you just didn’t want to tell him you were getting breakfast with your colleague on your way to work. 

Mark nodded before digging in on the yolk with his spoon, that expected smile on his face.

He talked and talked after every bite and chew. Mark was well aware of how much you liked to hear his voice, especially in the morning before he left you for work. Head resting on your palm as you watched him stack his plates, a smile plastered on your lips from his presence alone. 

“Want me to drop you off? You’re gonna have to hurry though.” The clanking of the bowls on the sink as he passed water over them knowing you’d wash them eventually; making his way to the bathroom to brush his teeth and finish getting dressed. 

Shaking your head as a response, he waits for your explanation. “I’m walking the entire week, don’t worry about me. Maybe I'll take the bus.”

How couldn’t he when both of your jobs were a tad bit far from home. It didn’t help that most of the time you got out late. At least he was thankful Jungwoo could drop you off whenever he wasn’t able to pick you up or simply didn’t feel like it.

“You know I don’t like it when you ride the bus, it’s always filled with… men at these hours. Take care, okay? Call me once you arrive or if something happens.”

Despite your smile of approval, what was he going to do when he can barely take care of himself?

Mark’s lips fell against yours the moment he opened the door to the apartment, towering over you for a few kisses before pulling away. “By the way, can you pick up my suit from the cleaners either later or tomorrow? I have a meeting at the end of the week.”

He was giddy asking you for a favor, clutching his backpack, ignoring the way you tried to not let your emotions show through your face. “Yeah… I’ll do it after work.” Your soft voice, trying its best to hide that tinge of bubbling vexation.

Mark smiled, a giggle leaving his throat whilst his hand caresses your cheek. “I’ll see you at night, baby.” You couldn’t answer, he had bolted towards the elevator. Only the daily bittersweet taste lingers once again.

Shutting the door behind you, your eyes immediately travel to the pile of dishes he left for you on the sink, not even allowing your sighs to escape by how familiar this scene has become. It was rather frustrating for Mark to not notice your obvious signs of unhappiness with him. He knew you loved him, perhaps more than he loved you, which he tends to ignore to not throw himself off.

But that love he thinks you have was blinding him from all the realities of how dysfunctional the relationship was. It was pitiful that his friends were the only ones to actually notice them.

“Markie, morning!” Johnny’s cheerful voice booms against his ear, hand softly patting the younger man’s shoulder as he signals to follow him and Jaehyun to the break room while handing him a cup of coffee. 

Mark returned the greeting to both of the men standing in front of him, conversing as if he didn’t see them almost daily. From joke after joke, Jaehyun’s phone beeped constantly, the other two ignoring it as he checked it with a giddy smile plastered on his face; Johnny asks if they’d like to get lunch during their break.

Mark immediately agreed to the offer, taking some of the last sips from his coffee. They spoke about restaurant options but upon Jaehyun not answering, rather typing, the blackberry keys louder than his coworkers, the two turned to ask again.

“Jaehyun, you’re down for lunch?” Johnny questions, making his way towards the trash can, depositing away his cup, the eyes on the ‘7’ icon turning to Mark. Jaehyun hums in response, putting his phone away before actually speaking. “Uh, maybe next time. I have something to do.” An apologetic smile, Johnny understanding but Mark lets out a teasing chuckle. 

“Lunch with a special friend?” 

“Actually, I’m helping your wife.”

He didn’t want to make it obvious but Jaehyun put enough emphasis on ‘your’. “She asked for a favor and I always say yes, so...” Jaehyun shrugs, sipping the last of his own coffee.

The air was shifting to hostility the more Mark’s expression began to change, slowly but surely. His eyes followed every move Jaehyun made, ignoring how all the 7’s glared at him, even his own. Johnny was no fool, if Jaehyun couldn’t feel the building hostility, Johnny was clearly feeling and seeing it. His eyes advert from both men as he watched how quickly a mood can be annihilated.

“Always? What do you mean, always?” Mark turns his back to the other two —almost to shield himself from the accusatory numbers—, throwing away his not empty cup and going to the sink to wash off the stickiness from the coffee that spilled on the sides.

The second oldest man mustered a shrug, taking a cup from the water cooler and pouring some in to get rid of that coffee taste on his tongue. Bitter coffee taste, the one lacing Mark. “I mean, I can’t say no to her… if she’s busy and can’t run an errand she asks me to run it for her and in return she bakes me a cheesecake. We all win!” Johnny smiles at Jaehyun at the mention of the desert and his unconvincing naivety.

Mark didn’t speak, his mouth forming an ‘O’ at the realization that the reason you always baked was not for you or your coworkers but for his friend. For doing something you had originally asked of him. Just in the past month you had baked six cheesecakes and all of them after you asked him for a favor that he turned down. All this time he thought you were just baking for pleasure but now he knows Jaehyun helps ease your stress. Jaehyun, not Mark.

“I’m gonna head back…” Johnny’s voice broke him out of his train of thought, the elder’s eyes adverting from his two younger friends before opening the door. Jaehyun announces that he’ll follow behind, leaving Mark to his own thoughts for just a second.

One could call that the start of his demise. If anything Mark would’ve been better off knowing you did everything on your own but now he felt an unjust slight resentment that you ran to one of his friends. Guilt, if you will, for his own faults.

He didn’t let the thought go the entire day and it didn’t become better once you had arrived back home with groceries and his suit in hand. Worse off, he saw you struggle with the heavy items but he made no effort to help, rather analyzed the components in your hands. Contrary to you, upon seeing him, a warm smile spreads on your face. Putting everything down and going up to him to envelope him in an embrace and a tender kiss.

“Hi…” your breathy voice showing obvious signs of agitation. 

“Hey… why are you so late?” He questions, accusatory for something he’s not sure what he’s looking for yet; a minute frown as he looks through the contents of your grocery totes. Cream cheese, graham cracker, sweet condensed milk… a pit in his stomach formed, a growing feeling of confusion followed.

“Another cheesecake?” He questions, taking out the items and starting to put them away. To say you were taken aback was an understatement, your chest swole and you felt some relief seeing he was actually helping. You nod, holding onto the back of a chair to catch yourself. Mark hums, turning to look at you. Upon seeing how sunken and dull you were looking, his expression turned to one of concern.

“Have you eaten?” Mark asks, his hand reaching to caress your cheek. “Yeah! We had a dinner party for Venetia’s leave.” ‘I told you about it..’ you want to add. No matter, you knew it was futile with how he hums in response. It was true about the dinner part but you hadn’t eaten there, Jungwoo and you had decided to blow it off and go to a soup bowl restaurant instead.

He hums again, putting away all the other groceries and leaving just the cheesecake items. “Seventh cheesecake this month isn’t it?” 

His piqued interest sounded hostile and cold, eradicating any sense of relief that he cared. “Yeah, why not?” Responding with a smile and knitted eyebrows, Mark didn’t add more. In turn, he took his items from the living room to the bedroom, opting to continue working there. 

Looking at the empty spot he left, a sigh left your lips before continuing to fulfill your part of the deal with Jaehyun. You didn’t know if the sigh was from relief or grief. Regardless, his care was too good to be true. 

The next morning he had woken to your spot on the bed empty and cold, a building resentment and loneliness starts to grow when times before he didn’t feel them. Odd. 

Giving himself a few minutes of rest time until he decided to get up and do his daily routine. By the time he had reached the table, his breakfast was covered to keep the warmth in, glowering when he noticed it was slightly warm but getting cold. A note on the side of his dishes. 

‘Decided to head early. Sorry in advance if the food gets cold. Love, y/n’

A small heart next to your name, Mark smiles to himself. As he ate his breakfast, his concerns and the slight jealousy he had gained overnight dissipated. He felt foolish for questioning your relationship with Jaehyun. What was there for him to be jealous of? Hell, Jaehyun was taking care of the burdens he didn’t want to, that’s a win-win situation, no? Jaehyun gets his treat, you remain content, and he isn’t bothered. Yeah, he can now think clearly and see that’s fair. Nothing ever comes out of your close friend being nice and considerate of your wife, right? 

Hmm…

Nevertheless, Mark shakes his head with a goofy content smile whilst he drops his dishes in the sink, passing cold water over them. You picked up his suit yesterday and today it was hanging, freshly steamed furthermore. His shoes clean and shiny by the door, food you cooked for him in his system, and overall a lovely note you wrote him. Mark knows you love him and only him, what a stupid little preoccupation yesterday was.

“Dumbass.” He chuckles to himself, squeezing a plushie he had gotten you that ever since, you left on the bed, your smell on it; you’d always be near him and oh how he loved that security. Surely he has to let you know how he adores your love.

Walking towards your desk to look for whatever piece of paper, he sat on your chair, opening the drawers and searching for at least a sticky note.

Upon finding the nearest notebook, Mark pulled it out along a pen. Opening it to where he could find a clean page; he stumbled on multiple pages of frantic writing and numbers written all over. Sometimes they went down and sometimes they went up, if the number was higher than last, a large ‘x’ crossed it in red. He didn’t think much of it, maybe something to do with work statistics?

Curiosity still got the best of him, he’s never seen you write messily. Everything you’ve written has been tidy and neat, so this was interesting. Flipping through the pages, he found two lists. They read the same thing but the one on the left had more x’s whilst the one on the right had check marks, sometimes nothing.

Pick up cleaners,

fix the leak in the kitchen

pick up order from cafe 7 dream

find a new car inspection place

pick up Venetia’s leave cake

Those were all things you had asked him to do and things he had told you he couldn’t do on account of all the excuses he made. All striked through, ink bolder and fresher the more recent the task was. All those crosses were for him and he figured all the check marks were for Jaehyun.

Some of the stuff seemed too intimate for Jaehyun to do for you. Picking up the cleaners? Fix the leak? Find a car inspector?

Jaehyun had no responsibility to find any of this stuff for you but there he was doing what Mark couldn’t and that jealousy he felt yesterday was back again. That meant you hadn’t picked up his suit yesterday, right? It was Jaehyun who had done so and his grubby hands must’ve left oils for you to steam it again?

God, no… he was being irrational again!

The more he flipped through the pages, Mark read the small and longer paragraphs. Most of them written frantically and showed obvious frustration. It seemed to be completely full of vent paragraphs. You wrote down your desperations and thoughts, often seeming angry and saddened. He cared for all that but they became unreadable the more upset you became as you went on. 

Few things that made his head pound and chest start to rip apart were how many times he read two names over and over: ‘Jungwoo’ and ‘Jaehyun’. You met them through him, he had brought them into your life but now he was finding that to be a mistake. 

Ironic, isn’t it? You spoke so well of them. Every paragraph regarding them was neatly written and cohesive. For the most part you were just thanking them for making your life easier.

‘Keep forgetting to look for new posts, Jungwoo has been helping but he seems kinda down when he does.’

‘Dinner coordinator keeps bringing the same catering and it’s growing tiring, seaweed treats are hell. Thank god Jungwoo took me out instead. — 03.29.08, 22:37.’

Last night’s date. You had told him you ate at the company dinner but instead went out with his friend and didn’t think to tell him, opting to lie about it. He knew you loved him but now he was questioning if the amount was just as big as he thought.

‘Wonder if Jaehyun is getting tired of these favors and cheesecakes. I don’t think he even finishes an entire one in a month and I’ve baked seven for him, I fear for his fridge. It’s not as big as I thought now that he moved. Nevertheless, thank god I can count on him to actually do these favors for me.’ 

The last part stung horribly. It didn’t seem to be a jab on him from how you wrote it but he took it as such given he always did something wrong when you asked him to just so you would stop or he’d make excuses for the same reason. He now took issue with you preferring Jaehyun’s and Jungwoo’s help over his. 

He also hadn’t told you Jaehyun moved apartments so there was no reason for you to know how big his fridge was. It stung more that neither of his friends told him about the close friendship they held with you, his wife. 

The last note on the paper is what caught his attention; ‘Lunch with Jungwoo at Cafe 7 Dream, 12:30 today.’

It’s only 08:35 in the morning as of right now; he got dressed and put away all your stuff trying his best to make it seem like he didn’t rummage through. As he buttoned up his shirt all he could think about was going to said cafe and seeing what it was all about. A part of him told him to stop being stupid, you and Jungwoo were friends too given the company you two work in, so a lunch shouldn’t be bad. But he couldn’t shake off this uncertainty.

His day went monotonously. From the moment he made his way out of the apartment, to his daily drive through the freeway with a clear view of a big ‘7,' not drinking his daily coffee with his colleagues, to now being back in the car, looking at that same ‘7’ he sees daily while he roams for a parking spot.

Whatever was playing on the radio was static and the air around him stuffy, not even the rolled down windows being able to aid him. It was around 12:53 in the afternoon when he had arrived and parked a few spots away from the vast window of the cafe. Bringing down the sun visor, fingers strumming on the steering wheel, and his lips pursed, eyes roaming the area— Mark had spotted you and his friend in the outdoor section. 

His initial jealousy wasn’t present right now, he was mostly focused on the image that had never been presented to him: you were visibly upset. Throughout your six years of being together, you always remained calm and even when he spewed vile things towards you during one-sided arguments you never cracked.

Maybe that’s why you’ve lasted this long. He could say whatever he pleased and kept off his chest while you never gave him a negative reaction. For the most part whenever you didn’t respond in the arguments he’d angrily walk out of the situation to go meet with his friends while he left you to scribble your feelings onto the journal he stumbled upon just today.

Your arms flailed, hands forming into claws that whenever you were spewing something that angered you, clung to your flesh, leaving dents on it— must have been that intense if he could see those forming. Your hair was disheveled but your clothes intact besides the pantyhose you were clawing at earlier. You didn’t look dull anymore but you did look on the brink of angry tears.

In contrast to you, Jungwoo leaned back on his metal chair, hair kept well combed, suit intact and ironed, with a shit eating grin on his face as he nodded with everything you said. His words were slow, helping Mark in reading his lips and only being able to read just that sentence: “Let it all out, you don’t deserve this.” Every time he said those words, you’d slump over the table, head resting on your hands and nodding to yourself.

The perplexed expression on Mark’s face never left. His eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, leaning in against his wheel as if any of that would help him listen to the conversation. It worsened when Jungwoo took a small box from his pocket, handing it to you in which you’d give him an apologetic smile for ranting to him while also being thankful.

He didn't understand where all this came from. You have always been so calm, never letting things affect you let alone smoke. Hell, you're the reason he stopped smoking but here you were doing what he used to do with his friend.

At this moment he didn’t understand why he had rushedly gotten out of his car and inside the building. All the courage he mustered to go inside dying whenever he saw the both of you stand up from the table after paying.

His heart was palpitating in horror. He couldn’t excuse why he was there this time, he told you he didn’t know where this place was so it would only worsen your already horrible mood. Not to mention, he had nothing to say. How would he start the conversation? “I know I’ve lied to you about this place but what the fuck is your deal with Jungwoo and Jaehyun? What’s your journal all about?” No, he can’t let you know he’s been snooping, let alone have you think he’s jealous.

Mark could only follow behind a group of people walking to the counter, hiding amongst them and hoping you stayed enthralled in your conversation to not notice him. At least he was thankful he could finally hear the conversation but that dissipated the moment he heard Jungwoo’s voice.

“If you keep pushing away and shutting off your frustrations with him this won’t end well. You can’t just conform to keep him with you and let him do all he’s doing. You can’t let him act the way he does and hope he changes without asking. You know what my grandma would say? If you don’t speak, God won’t hear you. And he’s not hearing you. Are you not miserable in the relationship?”

It stung. It painfully stung deeply in his heart that he truly felt he was having a heart attack right now, cardiac arrest— whichever. It sounded oddly familiar.

“Mark says, 'If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.’ So which is it?” Jungwoo laughs, shrugging. “Seems God can’t make up his mind or he's fucking with us just because he can.”

Sadly for the both of you this was only the start of your demise. As for the following weeks, Mark had begun to dig deeper into this madness he was slowly learning he had created. Every time he was home alone, Mark began to read the notebook he had found. Your writing didn’t become any less incomprehensible but he was starting to learn what certain loops meant.

He wouldn’t say your writings were enjoyable, rather more concerning than anything but this is the closest he’ll get to truly knowing you. It still baffles him that after six years of being together, you were capable of hiding this much from him. The only time he could recall you actually being mad was the time both of you crossed paths with one of his childhood friends.

The atmosphere turned hostile and tense as the older male reprimanded him for not inviting them to his wedding to which Mark said he did, he even gave his mother the invitation directly to give to them. The look the two shared had made your insides churn, in that instance you wanted to cut your own chest to relieve that sting within.

You could handle a lingering look and his friends' questioning remarks whenever speaking to you, but what killed you was that it took him a week to regain his dignity after he bid him goodbye with a kiss to his cheek. The words: “They long to see you.” Cascading from his lips, but Mark smiles tenderly and awkwardly.

Mark only recalls you giving him blank stares and taking a while to answer him, conversations non-existent unless he started them. But Jungwoo got to see you tear your desk down, shred paper after paper, and cry in agony at the same time that entire week, knowing well what the older man had meant, you weren’t stupid after all, he’s not the only one who’s read someone’s secret stash of letters. 

That’s the only time he thinks you’ve been mad at him or resentful enough. If only he knew how many fits Jungwoo has experienced and cleaned. But while you might not be foreign to an empty bed, Mark was. When he felt your side of the bed still neatly made and the duvet cold, a sense of fear made him shoot up. 

He had gotten home before you that day once again, trusting that Jungwoo was giving you a ride not long after he arrived like always. After a few hours of working on some data and analysis to the point of not being able to eat the dinner you had woken up early to cook for him. Mark had decided to rest for a while not thinking of taking a nap until his eyelids feel heavy and his slumber commenced.

That was around 6:43pm, now it’s midnight with no signs of you in the bedroom and if he knew anything from those six months of living with a married couple— one of the spouses was up to something.

That’s where his fear rose and his chest started to constrain his breathing. You would never do anything to hurt him, right? Mark knew you loved him. Yes, you love him, you’d never do anything of the style. You're not her.

You're not her...

Opening the bedroom door with such force; he startled you, jumping once the doorknob slammed against the wall. His fears dissipated the instance his eyes laid on your sitting figure. Crouched over your desk with a pen on hand and arm covering the pages of that same notebook. While he was relieved to see you, now he was worried of what else you could add to wreck his nerves.

“When did you get home?” His raspy voice questions. You shrug, taking his presence, closing the notebook and shoving it into one of your desk drawers. 

“Maybe an hour ago? Jungwoo got quite drunk so Jaehyun took a while to pick us up.” 

Mark knew what jealousy felt like, he’s experienced it in the most hateful way and over all these years he trusted you enough to never feel this strongly ever again but his friends were starting to test his patience. It may be subconscious and a self inflicted fear but Mark knows what friends can do. 

“You didn’t say you were going out with Jungwoo.” That pitch of irritation laced his tongue, every word getting louder the more he shook his slumber away. His eyebrows furrowed unconsciously. He really didn’t want to have any reaction but he can’t reap what he sows.

Mark always started like this when an argument would ensue. You could handle his vile words and reproaches but you had a presentation tomorrow and the last thing you needed was for him to treat you like shit at midnight. You’ve had enough of your supervisor for that. 

“Company dinner meeting, Mark… I told you about the presentations.” Your voice was betraying you with how whiny it came out. But could anyone blame you? You had been ecstatically talking about this for almost a month, even Johnny knew about it. It just seems the man you married couldn’t be bothered enough to remember. 

Mark tried his hardest to pick at his brain and recollect the memories of you telling him. It was of no help that you hadn’t written about it in your journal either. All he had left was to deflect. 

“You could’ve called me to pick you up, though? Why did you have to call Jaehyun?” 

“Would you have gone? You've been sound asleep the while I've been here.”

Your tone took him aback, this was the first time he could hear some attitude and mocking in your voice. He didn’t know whether to be happy that for once you spoke to him like this or angry that the mention of Jaehyun was eliciting this response, almost as if you’re defending him.

Noticing the look of confusion on his face, you retracted any possibility of continuing this ensuing argument. Just like him, you’ll avoid any further action.

“Go back to bed, love. I’ll be there in a bit.”

He didn’t listen, just sunk his feet deeper into the tile, processing the whiplash of your actions. On the contrary, you walked past him to the bathroom, forgetting to turn off the stereo system, hoping your nightly ritual would help you not think about these happenings. Him? He’ll sulk like he is not at fault.

‘Oh, I think you’re holding the heart of mine. Squeeze it apart, that's fine…’ The melody mocks and lulls him goodnight. 

A similar situation happened days later. The days building up to that night, you hadn’t asked him for any favors. Times before he’d be glad but now he grew weary. The only outlier was that you weren’t baking, so had the rewards gone further than sweet treats? How far could you go?

No! Stop! Mark knows you’d never do anything like that, you’re not her, that’s a huge reason he fell for and married you. You ar– were perfect.

But then, why haven’t you asked anything of him yet? Was it truly futile now?

Deja vu hit, the bed was cold beside his own spot, your plushie thrown to the floor (the only difference), no sign of you, but the second he swung the door open, there you were. Sitting mindlessly on your desk, scribbling things he couldn’t see but knew he would struggle to understand later. He approached slowly, the only light source the lamp before you.

“What are you doing?” His voice is curious and soft in comparison to last time. You shrug like before, scribbling. “Nothing.” Precise yet somehow cold. No matter how much closer he got, by only a step, you shut the journal, throwing it in your drawer and turning the lamp off. He didn’t know how to take it, your actions swift and nonchalant but regardless you still made the effort to kiss him goodnight on the way to complete your night routine. 

01:48 read the stereo system. Mark hums, this night’s song mocking him again while his eyes look into the darkness and curves of your desk, directly at the drawer that held all your grievances. He contemplates it but it’s no use tonight.

‘I love him so much, it just turns to hate. I fake it so real, I am beyond fake. And someday you will ache like I ache.’ He chuckles, turning it off.

The next day was enough. You had left before him again, no reason as to why either but later he had learnt that Jaehyun had gotten into the office late with a Cafe 7 Dream drink in hand and not bought by Johnny.

He had taken your absence as an opportunity, looking at the positioning of things in your desk carefully to remember how he’d put everything back. Slowly but surely, he took the journal out, opening it to the new pages.

With the journal in hand, he steps into the kitchen, sitting on the dining table where his warm food rested. Warm enough to let him know you left not long ago. Effortlessly, he uncovers it, sliding the plates towards him and standing up to get a drink. The ice-cold water pitcher sat in front of him and he began his tasks.

‘Guilt floods me every time I ask Jaehyun and Jungwoo for favors. Is this excessive? Poor Jaehyun looks so tired, I think I have to ease it. He may claim it’s fine but how much cheesecake or danishes can someone eat without feeling the weight of burden grow as fat around his muscles?’ “What a way with words,” Mark scoffs to himself, accidentally biting the inside of his cheek, his teeth scolding him.

‘Jungwoo on the other hand is probably exhausted from my complaining. I see this as my karma for all the times I told friends to leave their bummy boyfriends. I get it now. This feeling is too strong. I can't just end it, I think… Regardless, I do need to stop with the favors, hell they’re easy so I can do them but it’s nice to not hear them complain or make excuses instantly. That’s selfish of me but I deserve some self indulgence from time to time. No… not at their expense at least...‘

00:59 at the time you began writing that.

He didn’t like that. He’s read enough for the past few weeks but nothing like this. The bummy part even less.

He won’t deny that he wished your food got stuck in his throat and suffocated him so he can drop dead with your journal in hand and true guilt arises in you when you find his body but that’s not him, that’s his jealousy and anger speaking. Maybe he was getting influenced by your entries, this is something you would say just not to him.

Mark scoffs again, sighing heavily, and pushing his chair to get out. He leaves the food uncovered and dishes dirty to complete his morning routine. Despite his anger he puts back your journal not counting on the wet back from the water pitcher but flaws are meant to happen when you’re letting frustration blind you. 

The day went in a blur from then until lunch. Snapped out of his trance by Johnny shaking his shoulder and their manager next to the taller man, Mark gave the two a fish out of the water look. One that made his manager pinch the bridge of his nose but shook it off while Johnny on the other hand gave him a questioning look. The man wasn’t stupid, he could see how distant Mark had been and at most kept to himself despite trying to act like everything is fine and bond with him and Jaehyun, but he’s not that great at covering the heart on his sleeve.

“Here, take the intern with you and ask for the lunch platter at Cafe 7 Dream, the meeting is in less than an hour and we still aren’t prepared.” The manager rushedly spoke, handing him his credit card, the gray hairs on his side seemingly growing with every word he spoke. It was a large investment meeting and he needed to secure this but he had been so careless that their hospitality was a wreck. 

Nevertheless, Mark agreed, the new intern standing behind the other two men that he hadn’t noticed her until she popped out, startling him a bit. She was young and timid, he hadn’t heard her speak but that little jump she caused him made her laugh apologetically. 

That’s the most verbal communication they had through the ride to the cafe. The radio was adamant on playing TVXQ and she enjoyed it while he focused more on the sounds the tires made and the honking from outside. Even when they arrived at the cafe they didn’t speak, if anything their expression said it all. He seemed tired and uninterested while she was indifferent with only polite smiles to her senior.

Crossing the threshold of the first doors, a familiar figure stops in front of him much to the other’s confusion when his indifference turns into a content smile. No matter how frustrated he was with what he had read, an inkling in him will always remind him of the affection he has for you. “Y/n, hi!” He exclaims, turning to you a hand reaching for your shoulder. You’re not too sure how genuine his giddiness is but in the moment for Mark, it’s the most sincere thing ever, more than you have ever been.

It’s not enough to convince you though, with your eyes flitting between him and the intern as he kisses your cheek and the other stands awkwardly behind only flashing you a quick greeting smile before looking around.

“What are you doing here?” Your voice broke the interactions, a hint of annoyance and to an extent accusatory over something that you haven’t voiced, turning to her again before looking back at him. The young girl wasn’t quite sure of how you felt but knew it was a safer bet to go order before their boss called, clenching his ass from how fast time went and he didn’t have things ready.

Clearing her throat, “I’m going to go order… The card?” She extends both hands, Mark takes out their manager’s card and hands it to her who bolts to the register. It doesn’t take Mark long to turn to you, smile slowly faltering, seeing your stare. Unsure if it’s a glare or if that’s how you look at someone when no longer adoring.

“Manager sent us to get something for a meeting.” He brings his smile back, hoping that would help. Yet, you hum and that’s all he gets. It takes a few seconds until your mouth, like a fountain, unexpectedly spouts something. “I’ve asked you to get things for me from here but you always say you don’t know where this place is.” A soft huff leaves you while forcing a smile. You can feel warmth rush from your skull down to your feet. It’s not pleasant, at all, but you can’t lose your cool right now. Not in front of him.

Perhaps if this had happened before reading your entries, Mark would have dismissed it but now he was growing knowledge of your behavioral cues and he can see your hands go behind your back, allowing your nails to cling onto your bare skin.

He musters a sigh and looks at his watch, the meeting was near. “We can talk about this later, pretty girl.” His hand reaches your arm to stop you although he makes sure to not let you know he knows about your little habit.

You shake your head, smiling up at him and going in for a kiss. “No, it’s cool, it’s fine. I just– don’t worry about it. I’ll see you later at home, okay? Okay.” You didn’t wait for a response and habits don’t die so he found it preferable to drop it. At least he’ll probably read about it in your journal soon and not have you complain in his ear.

Of course you’re not going to be in his ear when you’re on your phone frantically typing something and soon putting it to your own. Seems you’ll be blowing someone else’s ear off and it’s likely the poor loser will be Jungwoo. With every motion, flailing arm, and facial contortion– Mark knew enough of how this little thing made you feel and all he could react with was a grunt.

On weekends, by the time he began to rustle in bed and stretch, he’d be greeted with kisses and tight embraces. They often made him giggle but this weekend was much different. Once again, he woke up with the plush on the floor, a cold bed, and the window closed with only the racket outside the bedroom door. Everything was muffled but if there’s something he identified was the smell of food being made and those two laughs he’s known very well for quite a while now.

With some surprise, he jolts up. His body aches from the lack of stretching but his feet don’t care and drag him out of bed. Opening the door he’s met with Jungwoo and Jaehyun bickering about how heavy the couch was, soon to shift their attention to the movie that had been playing through broadcast TV. On the other hand he turned to look at you taking out things from a cabinet, Jungwoo rushing to help, a screwdriver in hand as he inspected the door– it creaked.

“Morning…” He greets, stretching a bit and hiding his yawn behind his arm. You make way towards him but the other two were quicker, taking his hand and continuing their greeting-shake. By the time you reach him, he kisses the top of your head, your arms around his torso in a hug like they should’ve been when he woke up. Jaehyun and Jungwoo throw each other a glance, one you both miss but that they mask with their teasing towards Mark.

“Morning? It’s nearly two.” Jaehyun begins, “Can you blame him? What does he have to do on a lovely Saturday?” Jungwoo continued but it came out rather bitter despite trying to be playful. Mark manages to laugh just like the rest of you, it doesn’t change the warning look you throw at Jungwoo who ignores it while removing the cabinet door, showing more chipped parts to it.

“Can you help me find something, then?” Mark dismisses the other two, looking directly down at you. Without hesitating you nod, walking to the room with him, your grasp on his torso not falling, rewarded with a tender smile of his. Unbeknownst to you two, the other pair give each other a glance again, although this time it lingers on each other. Disappointment and exhaustion painting itself on their features before going back to the favors.

The wooden door shut behind you two, Mark makes way to the restroom to brush his teeth and wash his face, leaving you situated on the bed and confused. “What are we looking for?” You question with some excitement as if this was a task you truly wanted when making him happy was enough.

“Why didn’t you tell me they were coming?” He finally speaks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, hair strands damp. “They’re just fixing some stuff.” You ease softly, smiling up at him as he stares at you. 

His hand perched on your shoulders, pushing you down on the mattress and met with a surprised squeaking giggle that he shut immediately with a kiss. Those same hands wrapped around your body pulling you flush against him as his tongue works against your own.

Lips became slick by the moment but he felt so much pour into that kiss. So much longing and desire. A mixture of lust and guilt and that balance may be why he felt the need to keep you here in this room with him and not out there with those vultures.

Possession is the word he’s looking for.

His hands began a journey down your body, feeling every curve until they rested on your hips. Inching closer to the hem of your shorts, teasing their entrance under. It was enough for you to gasp quietly, feeling his cold damp fingers while he kissed you, smiling into it. He swallowed every word and protest before you could even spew them. 

Your own hands on his hair, lips submissive to his. A moan when you feel his digits fully in between your legs. You shake your head but not in protest but rather of how much you needed his touch. “Say something…” He whispers against your lips, no smile on his face. “Please…” You beg, his fingers making slow circles to not hurt you but enough to get you to lubricate and use that instead.

The scene was greedy and lustful but ultimately, he was reminded of those two out there and the reason as to why they were present lingered. Was the couch and cabinet door that important that you had to call the little crew? No matter how displayed you are for him, with your hands holding onto him, lips kissing his own, and legs open for his own disposition– Mark was still aggravated.

Softly he pulled away from you, caressing your face with his free hand while his fingers went to work. “Why didn’t you ask me to help instead of them?” He tries to seem soft spoken like his caresses but those become rougher the more he speaks. “Would you have done it?” There he knew how much little faith you had on him and the scene from a while back repeats.

“I’d go to the end of the world for you, Y/n.” Mark confesses into the kiss, neither of you too sure how truthful that was. His fingers make their entrance into you, slowly moving to elicit a response. Your body ran hot, his clothed figure above you, silently begging for you to at least believe a fraction of what he said. Those pleading and mopping eyes as he pumped his ring and middle finger, increasing the pace.

You believe me like a God,

‘You’re being so cruel.’ You want to tell him, to engrave it in his brain but it instead came out as a pleased disgruntled moan, one he took as accepting his lies. Mark smiles, head tilting to the side before lowering it to begin kissing your chest. Tongue lapping on the dents your collarbones create, whispering his ailments in them to the point of flooding and creating lakes that flowed down to your perked nipples after unbuttoning your blouse. His tongue, scorching and velvet against them. Granted was a jolt and a gasp when you felt his mouth wrap around one, biting softly to soon suction on the tit.

I’ll destroy you like I am.

Teeth grace your goosebump filled skin, kissing where his teeth left razor marks. Threatening crimson to spill only to be a false alarm, lingering pain and pleasure was all that was intended to reside. His fingers slowed the pace, blunt thrusts per second that left an ache between your legs when his palm came in contact with your outer skin, but oh how good it felt when his fingers hit your sweet spot. It doesn’t help that by this point he had inserted a third finger, the stretch causing so much more need within you.

His mouth travels up the path he created after years of savoring your body. Tongue feeding the dried stream, cool when its source disappeared to carve marks on your neck. It was so juvenile but he wanted you to go out of that room with some swelling for those two to see. Eliciting another moan from you, Mark’s free hand softly comes up to your mouth, covering and sealing it with shushes against your ear.

“Do you want them to know what we’re doing?” He whispers in the same location, you shake your head fervently, feeling hazy and growing even more needy. “Good girl.” He grins, removing his hand to hold your neck, pulling you in for another kiss. His teeth gracing your lower lip, softly nipping it to soon ease the pain he’s caused with his tongue– as he always does.

His fingers kept working their magic between your legs despite the constriction of your shorts, his wedding band no longer feeling cold inside of you but the fact that he didn’t think about removing it made you feel more aroused. To feel that metal piece unite you besides legality but through flesh and body.

Mark must have felt your growing arousal, especially with how much easier it was to ease his fingers within you. The clamping of your walls, more of a clue. In this instance he wanted to be cruel, and he attempted so. His hand stopped moving, rapidly getting out of your shorts and causing a desperate groan to leave your lips, legs quivering from the abrupt halt.

Just as he was going to cause a drought to the land of your skin and mouth, your hands took a hold of his body. Wrapping around his shoulders to hold him near, causing him to stumble slightly but not to topple over you; able to hold himself up. He won’t deny that knocked the wind out of him to a degree, feeling like in any instant he could have crushed you but pride and satisfaction soon filled him.

“Please, Mark… let’s finish at least.” You beg, your voice drunk off of his touch and whiny from how long it had been since you received anything from him. “Yeah? You want that?” He questions, making fun of you with that smug grin on his face, remaining features feigning compassion. He smiles at your desperate nod, mimicking the motion when he laughs quietly, kissing you again. 

Swallowing every single one of your silent moans that he told you to keep quiet to not let those two outside know what he was doing to you. Thing is, he did want them to know, he wanted them to see how fucked you will look once he is done with you. He wants them to see how your legs spasm when trying to walk and see how marked and irritated your neck is. He’s simply making fun of you right now and you’re falling for it because you will be anything he wants. Even a fool.

His hand slowly slides off your shorts and panties, caressing your warm legs in the process. His once calloused fingers from his creative days that he left behind now soft and tender. You held his face in between your own hands, making sure he never kept too much distance between your lips, that fresh taste of mint still lingers on his tongue.

“But do you deserve it?” Mark immediately stops his caressing and kissing, the words echoing in the cavern of your mouth, you swallow them. His gaze is cold but curious, scanning your own for a response, a witty one.

In this instance he tries to remove his touch from you, your grip on him despite how his knee teases its clothed friction against your exposed and destitute clit. He had been denying you an orgasm for the past fifteen minutes, depriving the other two from knowing what was going on but Mark didn’t care, he was luxuriating in this.

“You’re being so cruel.” You finally say the words that had been covering the walls of your brain and heart. Needy yet angry tears prickling the corner of your closed eyes. It wasn’t just lust but the fact that he was playing dirty when you’re so vulnerable and in dire need of getting something from him. For once.

“You think so?” His knee stops, eyebrow quirking, shit-eating grin falling. You nod, a pout forming, making things worse. ‘Did you really have to cry now?’ He asks himself, huffing as he shakes his head, pulling down his sleeping shorts.

“You jump to conclusions so quickly, it's always such a shame.” He doesn’t dare look directly at your face as he speaks this, knowing that the constraint and squeeze of your heart was showing. No, instead you’re met with the warm feeling of his spit falling off his tongue onto your cunt, some on the tip of his cock.

To be given something forced you to shut your eyes, a moan of relief enclosed within the four walls of the bedroom you shared with him. It became louder when you felt the intrusion of his dick within your walls, his mouth covering yours to drown those sounds. He likes to cherish these sounds for his own entertainment.

He gives you a few seconds to adjust to him, the girth feeling foreign despite how familiar you are with every inch and crevice of his body. Slowly, he picks up the pace, raising your leg to prop it beside him. “See how things turn out when you’re patient?” He asks, searching for your eyes but they’re shut.

The most he gains are pleasured moans in the crook of his neck. Mark can’t figure out how satisfied he is with that answer, so his hand opts to slap the inside of thigh, causing you to whine but reward it with kisses to his neck.

To be fair you didn’t think this could last long. Not when you abstain from self gratification, knowing that only he can bring you to an orgasm and given it’s been a while since you two slept together, an orgasm was long overdue. The friction of his pelvis on your clit while he thrusted was not helping. Just feeling that extra sense of overstimulation while his shaft filled every nook and cranny of your cunt, feeling his length bulge in your stomach.

Holding your body to his, your face buried in his neck begging him to please let you come. The hand beneath you pushing you flush against his own body. If it wasn’t for his shirt as of now, he’d be more vocal with how well you’re both feeling his cock go in and out of you. For now he’s relying on his sweet words, worshiping how well you’re taking him.

Specifically: “Feel how perfectly you were meant for me, pretty girl?” He grabs your hand holding his shoulder, pressing it against your stomach and for some reason that makes you feel like you could come any second now, begging him silently to let you. To please grant you this one thing.

“Fuck, Mark… just give me this, please…” You cry out, eyes screwed shut, lashes wet from pained and pleasured tears. You felt it in your core, you felt how bad your body clamored for some release.

“How bad do you want it?” He asks, his own words struggling to come out unlike the pre-come lining your walls. “As much as you.” You claim, fingernails clinging to his skin, a shallow groan leaving him. He likes to know how much you need him and if you were going to the lengths of hurting him to leave your message, so be it.

With every thrust, your nails dig deeper into his shoulder blades, sliding down his back. Whether he was picking up masochism or basked in the pleasure of the sadism he inflicted, Mark felt it. He felt how he gave out before you. Spurts of come followed with desperate deep moans that you swallowed in dire need of your own release.

But he was cruel. Very fucking cruel that the second that he stopped spasming and decorating your walls, his actions halt. For a few seconds he holds his position, head on your chest trying to relax his body full of adrenaline. If he was to look at you, he knew your face would beg him for your own release.

After a minute or two he pulls away slowly, taking his shirt off and reaching for the wipes inside his night stand. He warms them with his breath, moving them around to disperse the heat, only to lay them flat between your legs to clean off anything that fell out (although not much), propping your legs up and laying some pillows behind your back so you could rest for now.

Tongue poking his cheek before sighing and turning his back to you. “That’s cruel.” He didn’t say anything furthermore, his voice harsh and cold. Locking the bathroom door behind him and leaving you sprawled on the bed, arousal immediately terminated and the only feeling was of regret for saying what you did and letting things go this far. You couldn’t cry either, the other two would probably cut you off this time for good. So you’ll deny your body from letting out its emotions again. Afterall, Mark has made you be so resilient in that aspect.

Jungwoo’s and Jaehyun’s tasks were complete by the time Mark had gotten out of the shower, lunch too. The entire time underwater he spent it beating himself for the decisions he’s made to let things go this way. A month ago he was content thinking his wife loved him despite his flaws but Jaehyun’s big mouth made him unravel slowly that he was doing more harm than building an eternal home. Mark was resentful, he’s not going to deny that. He hated how quickly theatrics and how easy things he saw as fine can fall.

It stung more that you were laughing uncontrollably with the other two, seemingly neither had anything to mention of the marks on your neck or the completely different outfit you have in comparison to the shorts and blouse from earlier. Hell, Jaehyun is sitting in his chair rubbing salt on the wound and you are not saying anything upon noticing Mark; it sucked the life out of him. A slug in a bath of salt.

“Sit, I’ll fix your plate.” You smile at him as if nothing had happened in the four walls of the bedroom, your conformity noticeable. By this point he had taken the cold seat he was unfamiliar with. Sitting across from you was not something he was accustomed to, not in his own home at least, but here he was, watching two men who actually do drop everything for you. Two men that were his friends first, cracking jokes just to make you smile and laugh at which you did, enough to hunch over, something you haven't done with him in a while. 

Mark had blocked out the conversation completely, watching your moves and theirs. Your facial expressions and where your hands landed from time to time. That deafness fell when you placed the plate before him. The presentation made it obvious that others had gotten to your food before him. The mixture of ingredients painting the canvas of his plate faster than prior times when he was the first to cut through the masterpiece of your dishes. This time it was tampered and by the looks of Jaehyun’s still neatly moved around plate, he was the one to break through first.

Throughout lunch Mark tried his best to not speak, only replying when spoken to or agreeing in some sense. Things got worse when your cell phone kept buzzing and buzzing uncontrollably on the kitchen counter that made the other two give each other a glance, this time, not gone unnoticed by him and piquing his interest further.

The incessant buzzing continues, enough that Jungwoo sighs before lolling his head to give you a weird look. “Is it that dick?”  

‘Oh?’ Mark thinks to himself, an eyebrow raising as he begins to chew slower. Your glare towards Jungwoo to hush him is futile when Jaehyun joins. “Haven’t you told him to stop bothering you after work?” He sounded angry, the type of rage Mark should have, not Jaehyun. In his mind: Jealousy and that made his feelings worse.

How selfish.

“What dick? What are you guys on about?” Mark was so annoyed and frustrated at this point that venom laced every single one of his words, spraying it as he flayed his hands. Your silence made it worse, more painful was that you did so while Jaehyun and Jungwoo took it upon themselves to explain. The two, immensely tired of you not saying anything, of not speaking up.

Jungwoo goes first, he knows, they work together for Christ’s sake. “What’s his name? Ah, whatever… Y/n’s floor colleague has been bothering her for a while, you should know.” He frustratedly shakes his head, fork digging into his plate without noticing the look Mark throws at you. “Yeah…” He mutters, eyes never leaving you, all knowing he’s lying and upset.

“You should really report him, Y/n-ie.” Jaehyun breaks through, forcing Mark’s neck to snap and look at him. He was just making things worse because all Mark could feel was his lunch rapidly collecting in his throat. Cutlery dropping from his hands.

‘Y/n-ie’?! What an insolent fuck! That’s what Mark thought of Jaehyun. How dare he use a diminutive for you? Who the fuck did he think he was? Not even he, Mark, your husband called you that. What a fucking asshole.

How selfish.

A coward too, he wouldn’t know how to react either way. Instead he revels in your words as a distraction. “My boss seems to like him a lot. The only one getting in trouble would be me.” You sigh, fork moving food around. Mark looked between you and your actions, you noticed him, that you took a few bites to make him stop.

“Why don’t you apply to where we work?” He suggests, chewing what was on his fork, now using it to point between him and Jaehyun. Foolish to not grasp yet how that would mean seeing Jaehyun more and having it rub in his face that even under the same roof you’ll run to him for favors.

You liked the idea, it was easy to notice how much you perked up at the fact that he suggested being together 24/7 no matter the different departments.

Jungwoo had other plans, “Then you’d leave me alone.” He pouts childishly. On other occasions he’d laugh too and call him cute but he doesn’t think he can see Jungwoo as fondly as before. “Move to my floor instead.” He continues to test the waters but is met with a kind giggle and shrug from you.

The afternoon transpired with finishing lunch. Jaehyun had insisted on cleaning the dishes while Jungwoo the pots. Mark on the other hand sat on the couch, eyes often stealing glances on how you interacted with the other two. If you tried to clean, they’d reject the idea and tell you to just go sit and do what Mark is doing: nothing; an obvious jab. 

Ending their visit with discussing the kick-back Johnny was hosting at his place in a few weeks. Something about the Champions or US Open? You’re not sure. You were growing more worried about Mark, that you ended up telling whoever to just text you the deets. They smiled with a nod… and a kiss to your cheek as a goodbye while waving to Mark who perked at the scene. He felt his eyes warm and heavy. Not sure if they were tears beginning to form from jealousy or insecurity. 

You throw him an acknowledging smile while making your way to the bedroom. He stood up, leaving the TV on to follow behind. Before you could open the closet door to fetch something to sleep in, you feel his arms wrap around you. There was desperation to his grab, his hold was rough. Your back hit his chest, feeling his exasperated breath on your neck. Soft kisses at first but nipping soon after to leave his name all over you again, claiming you since it seemed like the others weren’t being repelled.

“Mark?…” You call out, his hands knead your skin. “Why didn’t you tell me?… Why did you keep–” ‘everything’ he wanted to say, “that from me?” 

“Come on–” you intend to plead but he’s not letting it go. “Why?!” He asks exasperatedly against your face while he leaves wet kisses on the skin, pleadingly. “I didn’t want to burden you.” You confess, a whine at the harsh grasp.

“You’re my wife! I need to know these types of things, Y/n. You can’t just keep things from me, how can we be good to– how can it be good for us?” He exclaims; angry and wailing all at once.

‘How can we be good together like this?’ He wanted to say, biting his tongue to not tell truths while sober. Mark didn’t know what it was, but it hurt. He had been thinking about this for weeks. How to ask you overall about the things you’ve hidden from him but now that he has the chance to bring it up, he can’t help but feel resentful and pained. 

Why did you trust Jaehyun and Jungwoo more than him? He’s your husband.

He expected that once married, loyalty would be granted to him no matter what, one way or another. Just like she had granted it to Donghyuck despite how flawed their marital logic was.

Sure, he made things worse but would the universe be cruel enough for him to be in Hyuck’s shoes years later? He deserved it, he knew, something at least, but that ill side of him– what he had learned from her plagues him and demands you to love him unconditionally. To do things on your own without the help of others even when he’s the one to deny you any aid, when he’s at fault.

Mark is miserable and he expects you to be so too… even more than you already are.

Misery loves company.

His hands stopped their harsh kneading, turning you around to look at him. His tired and weary eyes looked straight into yours. But while he felt resentful and confused, you felt odd. Why was he acting like he cared all of the sudden? It was strange and while you appreciated it to an extent, you also hated it.

You weren’t used to it at least, and you weren’t sure if this act would last. You don’t want to admit it but that voice hidden in the vault of your heart loathes him more than anything.

“Okay…” You nod. “I’m sorry. I’ll tell you things more often, yeah?” 

“Please…”

You nod and he nods, pleadingly; he’s not content and neither are you. 

After that discussion, the day transpired as if nothing had happened. He had returned to the living room leaving you to do whatever while he kept his distance. Only answering with hums and nods whenever you come out of the room.

Did you mind? No, it was so normalized it didn’t make you angry anymore. You actually felt like things were back to normal and this was sufficient enough. Mark on the other hand tried everything to ignore how he felt or regulate those emotions since he wasn’t too sure who he was mad with. 

By the time he had figured he was over it, you had fallen asleep alone like all those times he did weeks prior. A warmth filled his chest at the thought. An inkling telling him to wake up before you do the following day just to leave that dissatisfaction you had left in him, not accounting with how disappointed you were with him already that it wouldn’t affect you in the slightest.

He wouldn’t do it, though. Not because he cared enough, but because he wasn’t planning on waking up early to be petty. What he will do is go back to the living room and let his fingers roam like Thing until those crumpled and messy pages sat on his lap and he laid on the couch, stereo system on.

Instantly he’s met with those familiar sharp corners and loops. Numbers, increasing and decreasing significantly. The larger ones bold from rage, the decreasing one's neatly written with smiley faces next to them. He still couldn’t figure out what they meant but he surely enjoyed the recipes you kept adding to the journal and the doodles of how they turned out. Although, he felt that they lacked so much substance.

All of these felt either welcoming or asked that he be eradicated from this earth for the way he’s breaching your privacy, acting like an over controlling strict father despite being your husband. Almost like his dad, but don’t tell him that or he’ll throw a fit. For having lived so many lives, he's surely turning into the worst version of himself.

Through more flipping to see if he missed anything, he came across some interesting notes. All which made his stomach churn and that pride he would once feel, turned to– well, some type of disgust and concern…

‘I’ll do anything for him but every day I’m going insane with tense trials. It’s fine. If I have to go insane to stay with him I will.’

Mark sighs heavily, hands covering his face to soon slide off hoping his flesh would fall with them, groaning to himself.

Fuck, he loved you. In a fucked up way he did but how much could he endure knowing things aren’t fine and dandy? Sure, his first instinct is to try and fix things but there’s also that part that won’t let him strive for any change and it’s winning.

Change hasn’t been the kindest to him in the past. Hell, it’s the reason he’s morphed into what he is now but you accept him this way. That’s what the incessant and pestering part of him told him to let things be and just act like he doesn’t know what you truly are.

He should be glad, no? To know that you love him so much that it’s killing you. Yet, he isn’t. He’s not sure why, maybe because of his deep buried true morality but he has also grown to be selfish and he wants to relish in the glory of your love until you hit a breaking point.

For once he doesn’t want to be a Bernal character and it seems this is where he is slowly breaking that pattern— albeit, he is not enjoying it either. 

Perhaps it was the hour, his growing resentment, anger, and hurt, or he was overstimulated that caused the music in the background to tremble and clog his ears the longer he kept reading. Lists upon lists of things you had to do at work followed by entries on how much longer your hours would run every instance you paid no mind to that dick that the guys described.

Countless entries of your boss calling your attention after that asshole complains. Instances in which, despite how many pictures of Mark you put up in your cubicle, he makes an effort to make them disappear any time you’re not near. On company dinners, Jungwoo and you make it your life’s mission to slither away from the crowd– to be seen but not noticed, enough to not be reprimanded when you’re miles away from danger.

‘Jungwoo mentions in passing every opening in his floor as an incentive to ask for a transfer. Going as far as getting letters of assistance to request my temporary time in the department. Hours to days, they have been great but not everything lasts. With just one foot back inside in my department, the entire mood shifts and it’s back to reality.’

Mark doesn’t understand why his chest aches every time he reads your journal. Perhaps there’s a moderate amount of empathy but he also feels hurt knowing you’re hiding so much from him.

Years worth of things and even if you don’t say it, you make it known you hate the person he is. Mark is sure that if you weren't attached to him like you are, you’d loathe him the way you loathe everyone who has wronged you. He wonders how long it will be until your love runs out and he will finally become one of them.

He shouldn’t expect it but if it happened with Donghyuck who promised to never leave him, of course it can happen with you who he has wronged just as bad as his brother, even if you do everything in your power to prove him wrong. Mark tends to bite the hand that feeds him, if he gnaws for far too long, surely there will be consequences.

03:46, a warm night in 2008… Aggravated and nauseous from making your suffering about himself, Mark dictates that it was enough meddling for the day. Tiresome and bleary-eyed, head thumping achingly with the music debilitating him; Mark stands up frustratedly to turn off Sinead O’Connor angrily screaming ‘you’re a liar’ over and over making him forget about the journal on his lap.

The vegan leather taunts him with its loud thump against the floor, screeching as he picks it up but in the process he drops some notes. “Fuck me!” He curses frantically, knowing you’ll definitely know he’s been snooping when none of these end up where you originally placed them. He starts to panic, he feels his heart race dangerously, his aching head is now spinning, flipping through pages to see where he can put these in, yet in the process he stops.

“Don’t beat yourself up because of him. I’ll always be on your corner and so will Jungwoo. I love you, y/n. – Jaehyunie ♡”

I love you, y/n… Not ‘we love you’ but ‘I. I love you’.

Mark’s blood runs cold, his eyes bulge. In that moment he feels his chest and heart compress, squeezing the life out of him.

This is what Mark’s fears came to. He worried so much about your unconditional love becoming conditional, that the universe allowed him to see the incriminating clue that told him that sooner than later that was to happen. Right?

 ‘Dinner on me today! NO buts! Who else can take care of you if not for Jaehyun and me?! XOXO — Snoops XD.’

The pitch black ink taunts him, questioning how recent or how old these must be. The handwriting felt juvenile with every smooth corner and small bottoms. The top of every letter felt bubbly and messy when connecting. Jaehyun’s could still be neat when messy and for some reason that bothered Mark more.

Unbeknownst to Mark, the papers were crumpling between his shaky fingers. As shaky as his breath restraining whatever he was feeling. ‘Who else can take care of you if not for Jaehyun and me?’ Mark repeats to himself that same question for a hundred more times, each making him more angry. ‘Who else but her husband? Me!’ He wants to yell at the top of his lungs. Drill it in the minds of everyone in your shared circle. He was capable of taking care of you!

But being capable doesn’t change the fact that he didn’t nor put effort into doing so.

No, Mark didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to jump into conclusions of infidelity or anything down that rabbit hole. He knew you wouldn’t do it. He wants to think that, he wants to believe it. You’re literally ruining yourself for him, so why would you do all that to throw it all away? Regardless, he can’t swallow the lump in his throat. 

He also once thought him and Hyuck would be in each other’s lives until they died. It later turned into him believing Hyuck would fade into the shadows of this earth and not ever see him because she would be his, choosing him, but that didn’t happen. In fact it was the opposite. He also didn’t become the renowned artist he was in his college years with a list full of connections that left him when he fell from grace. 

He didn’t end up thriving in the studio where he was meant to start over and is now in a dead-end design engineering job because of his father and his connections, not Mark’s. Did he know anything about it going in? He knew the word design but oh god how far can connections go if he landed something like that.

Even you, he met you because of his father, and the bells of the life he avoided for years rang incessantly letting him know no one can run from their faith. No matter how hard they try.

It didn’t matter if he was or wasn’t in Hyuck’s shoes, it only mattered that he now knew how much pain Hyuck was going through seeing his wife rejoice in the care and love of men he considered friends. That and the fact that he was making your unraveling all about himself, at least they can share that too.

He couldn’t understand how you acted so peaceful and put together when during lunch he’d visit the cafes you frequented with Jungwoo and found you the same as the first time. Exasperated, vexed, and angry with a cigarette between your fingers when you two were to leave.

A chuckle on his lips remembering all the times you pestered him to quit smoking because you wanted him for many years to come. Now he’s not sure if you want to be with him as much, no matter how many times you write about it.

“You’re still a liar, you’re still a liar, you’re still a liar!”

Monday rolled around in which Mark swore to not allow Jungwoo another lunch date with you. Furthering his selfishness and restricting your moments of relief so he could take that time up. You wouldn't mind, right? It’s him after all…

It goes to say that when he stepped through the ample threshold of your floor with a cute little bag in his hand and some drinks in the other, that confusion crossed your mind before that thought was pushed back by adoration. 

“What are you doing here?” You ask with a warm smile. You felt like a child whose parents never showed up for any activities but this one. That childish glee and relief of knowing that you are loved. “Can’t pay my wife a visit?” Mark retaliates with a cheeky smile, leaning in to give you a short but sweet kiss.

You want to say it felt like when you first began dating. So sweet, tender, and soft. How he was before you married and his facade fell, showing how dependent he was. His small acts of love come through.

You want to believe it so bad that you’re willing to push back the tiny voice in your head trying to force you to question what he wanted out of you if he was willing to visit you this far.

“Well yeah,” You giggle in an effort to leave your desk. “Come, let’s go to the rooftop.” Your hand takes a hold of his wrist, pulling him along until that incessant blob of human flesh presents itself right in front of you both, blocking the way. 

“Well look at that. Your husband, right? Didn’t think you’d like the soft ones…” A mocking grin slapped on his face, arms crossed against his chest. He wasn’t much taller than Mark but he sure was confident to take a step closer to you both. Mark opts to carry all bags in one hand, twisting his wrist to hold your hand rather than you him.

You sigh, looking for ways to respond but Mark doesn’t give you time, walking around him with you in front, ignoring any calls from him to go back for a conversation. Such an insufferable man, Mark was aware but to you, this moment, you were still treating it like one of your earlier dates. His attentiveness and courage of protecting you. You missed that Mark and any resentment from marrying him faded for now.

“That’s him?” Mark breaks the silence, the walk to the rooftop consisting of him complaining from these few seconds they met. If he thought this much from only that timeframe, you wonder how long he would have lasted in your shoes. 

You responded to his complaints with nods and hums, taking a seat across from him on the bistro table. He laid back on the chair relaxed, if it wasn’t for his babbling one would think he wasn’t really affected.

“And, I mean, he’s such a dick.” He groans, sitting up straight, his roll of eyes halting upon noticing you pick at one half of the sandwich. 

Mayo wiped off, pickles on the bundle of used napkins, the turkey they touched on top of them, chunks of old avocado added to the tower. “What are you doing? Why are you picking at your food all of the sudden?” He leans against the table, elbows on the glass to be closer to you. In that instance, you stop your actions, looking at him through lashes before raising your head.

“Mark, I don't like these. I thought you knew by now…”

Fuck.

“No, yeah, I know. I’m sorry…” His hand leaves his chin, stretching it to hold yours. “Sorry, I forgot to check the order at the cafe, I didn’t want traffic to get me.” You smile at him, he smiles at you. You know he’s lying but it’s the thought that counts. “Plus, I think I came at the perfect time. Imagine I had come later and he had bothered you more?” His fingers squeeze yours, a little too hard if you say so. 

He’s received with a shrug. “He’s a dick, like you said.” You giggle softly, pulling your hand away to wipe them with another napkin. “He doesn’t react like that with Jaehyun, though. Does everything to avoid him.” Your head tilts, reassembling the sandwich to presentability. 

“Jaehyun?” You gave him that same look as when he questioned you seconds earlier, except it was softer and almost incriminating. You didn’t mean it in any form, more casually but after his findings, Mark can’t say he’s too happy with this information.

“Oh, well, when you can’t bring what I ask you to, I… sometimes ask Jae. So, they've met before…” Your gaze lowers, taking the other sandwich half onto your hands. “I think he’s scared of Jae, to be honest.” You giggle in attempts to break whatever tension you felt from your husband.

‘Jae, Jae, Jae. Christ, what a broken record.’ Mark thought, an urge to roll his eyes at the mention of his coworker. For fucks sake, he was the last thing he wanted to think about or even see. The only reason he saw him today was because of work but that should be it. He shouldn’t be hearing or thinking about his name here with you. Let alone hear it coming from you, his wife.

Stretching your hand towards him, you smile. “Here, eat the other half. These are huge on their own.” He took it, lunch soured by your incessant need to bring up Jaehyun and that dickhead from earlier.

Was this how he was paid? Making an effort to be a good husband just to have things be thrown in his face?

Lunch ended not too long after, he was on his own lunch break after all. It goes to say that his drop off and goodbye bid seemed lackluster in comparison to his greeting.

“Um, and don’t forget to file a floor change.” He gave you a tired smile and a quick kiss. It was the last thing he said to you while fixing any pictures of you two on your desk —three missing now— before heading towards the elevator. 

Like an act of a malice-meaning demon, when reaching the twelfth floor, the doors yanked themselves open like a grand introduction to a world renowned boxer or an all-show wrestler, showcasing that smug pug-faced asshole. A silent chuckle upon placing himself next to Mark who slumped against the railing and mirror walls.

Mark greeted him with a huff, head lolling similar to his eyes. The feeling got worse when he heard him blubbering, “At first I thought that the other guy was her boyfriend. You know, tall, dimples; suits her better.” He nods to himself, egging Mark’s ringing ears.

Here they went again. Bringing Jaehyun into every conversation. It’s made worse knowing that this idiot felt even Jaehyun could be your partner. That no matter how many images of Mark you display, to the world only Jae was good enough for you. Because he’s the only one who shows up.

“He seems like an actual man or that guy from the floor below. The orange haired one, a little weird but he surely goes out of his way to not let me have some fun for the day.” He laughs, snorting at his abhorrence. He turns to Mark, swallowing that disgusting lump of mucus in his throat, hand itching to come in contact with Mark’s smooth cheek. A pat of mockery. “She’s doing charity work with you.” 

Ironic, Mark would say. Ironic that he thinks you’re doing charity work with him when this idiot was never an afterthought. The older man insists on glaring at Mark, not letting their gazes drop, seeking any response from Mark even when the elevator rings, letting them know they’ve hit the garage lobby. He felt victorious feeling as if he had struck a nerve when Mark hopped off without a peep. Only for his triumph to be shut down shortly after.

“No wonder she has never mentioned you before. You’re repulsive to even think about and a sorry excuse for a man.”

A disgusted scowl replaced Mark’s poker face, glaring at the once mocking jackass whose face had sagged, shock turning into anger that he didn’t know how to express before the doors closed, making his target disappear from view.

Mark might have felt great in the moment but things could only go worse for you. He didn’t think about the consequences of his actions. He never did. He didn’t think about how it would affect you at work and the repercussions you faced for the weeks to come. Mark hadn’t processed he was at fault until your journal became frantic, pages with holes from how hard you wrote on them. Crumpled from the anger you couldn’t express besides abusing those pages.

He didn’t notice because he was indulging amongst the side notes and words highlighted with your tears about how scared you were of losing him. Your quick remarks on how you felt him pulling away or acting odd. Imploring to whichever higher being to not take him from you if that was the case. While you’re wallowing in the pits of your sadness hoping he won’t leave you, Mark enjoys the feeling of warmth seeing your desperation.

It meant you loved him, right? With how things were going on with Jaehyun, Mark took any crumb of your love that only felt real when you wrote about it. It’s hard to understand why he didn’t feel it was real when it came from your lips but it did when you confessed to the things you’ve put yourself through for him. For him, not Jaehyun, him, Mark. That felt like love.

Right, only on paper it felt like love. Not like now that you found yourself in Johnny’s kitchen with Jaehyun next to you like a guard dog, chewing your ear off with whatever he was saying despite your look of anguish. A worrying look to Mark and the likes of his— well, your friend it seems.

He had been enjoying the final match with Johnny, Yanyang, and the other coworkers they shared. You had been sitting by his side for most of it but it wasn’t until a few minutes ago that Jaehyun pulled you aside, asking for your help to make some drinks for the rest of the guests but now he was holding you hostage, begging you to drink some water.

Mark figured the drinks you had were getting to you and Jaehyun could tell. He won’t say he’s fond of that fact. That Jaehyun knows you well to the point he can tell when you need to be cut off.

Mark tried not making it obvious but when only his head isn’t turned to the TV and the host is making sure his guests are having a good time, well it’s hard to miss. Johnny notices it too, how Jaehyun was fixing you a slider, the words: “You haven’t eaten well, stop trying to fool me.” sternly spewing from his mouth.

No mayo, no pickles, no condiments at all. Just a plain cheeseburger slider. He knew how you liked it by heart and that’s something that makes Mark’s heart pound in hate.

The feeling becomes worse when your whispering turns frantic and almost audible for the rest to hear. Your words whining like you wanted to cry about how hellish work has become after Mark’s visit. Jaehyun shakes his head, hands pressing against the counter to lean against with an angry look on his face. That infamous look of hollow cheeks and sunken dead eyes. He wanted to say something but knew it was best to be a shoulder to lean on.

“And don’t tell me to talk to him about it because what’s the use?! You know how he is. I love him, I do but—” Your hands come in contact with your forehead, shaking it a bit, “Why can’t he just be a tad bit like you?…” You hiccuped, hands slowly sliding down to your mouth as you shut your eyes. It wasn’t a sign of regret but exhaustion, vile stuck in your throat. 

Jaehyun’s face softened, standing up straight to turn to you. To some form of comfort, his hand extends to rub your back, pulling you in for a side hug while you try to hold in whatever you feel. Jaehyun understands your words come from a place of hurt but confessions like that can be taken wrongly.

“Why can’t he be just a tad bit like you?...” Just like Mark had, who now felt his heart shatter. Disillusioned and hurt, stupid for thinking that you would want him no matter what. Worse off, it was Jaehyun who you confessed that to. Someone that everyone thought was a better fit for you.

I’m sorry I’m the one you love. No one will ever love me like you again.

Johnny took it upon himself to raise the volume of the TV, sparing Mark from any more anguish and saving your business to be heard by the other guests who by the graces of God were more interested in who would win the Stanley Cup this season.

His attempts didn’t work. Mark felt his world crashing down on him in this instance. He wanted to go out and scream, cry even, at the reviving memories flashing through his head. He’s seen this before— no, he’s experienced this.

Her cries to him about Hyuck to soon commence their affair in that same instance. If that was to happen in these walls, Mark thinks it’s his time to take a leap out of Johnny’s apartment balcony.

So when you leave me, I should die. I deserve it, don’t I? I can feel it getting near.

The vile stuck in your throat had been persistent on coming out, enough to push Jaehyun out of the way to run towards Johnny’s bathroom. It’s amazing how enthralled with the game his guests were to not notice anything happening behind them. To not feel Mark’s radiating poison as he watches his wife and ‘friend’ rush towards the bathroom, door slamming behind him. If it wasn’t for Jeno’s and Yangyang’s cheering scream, they would hear you hurl the slider into the toilet bowl, crying along with self-disgust.

Mark couldn’t hold it in anymore; abruptly he stands, ignoring Johnny’s sympathetic look. Not only for him but for you too, aware of Mark’s own flaws. He had thoughts of barging in and blowing Jaehyun’s ear off with his barking. Questioning you about what was going on, but he slowed down when he heard you hiccup and cry before and after vomiting. Jaehyun’s soothing hushes to you making his head spin but innocent enough.

Innocent until he opened his mouth. “Shh, it’s okay. Let it out, it’s okay, pretty girl.” Jaehyun coos into Mark’s eardrum through a megaphone to imprint the notes of his voice onto his brain. 

Pretty girl. That’s his pet name for you, Mark’s pet name. Hurt floods him when you make no effort to correct him and present this fact.

Since when have you become someone else’s pretty girl?

He couldn’t take it any longer, angrily slamming the door open to watch Jaehyun soothing you with backrubs, holding your hair as you went.

“What the fuck are you doing?!” Mark spits out venom, mimicking that of a cobra. His eyes widened by hot fury as he approached you two. You wanted to speak, but the invasion from your gut stopped you, tears being the only thing you were able to respond with.

Jaehyun on the other hand gives him a look as if to tell him to calm down, that everything was fine, more worried about your well being than Mark’s insecurities. “Just helping her out, calm down.”

It aggravated him how collected Jaehyun’s words were, how little mind he paid him or how you made no effort to have Jaehyun stop giving you supportive squeezes (almost like you weren’t fighting for your life).

Mark huffs, hands taking purchase on his waist watching you two, the volume to the television and the guests drawn out by your heaving. He whispers, walking towards Jaehyun with that same menacing look– eye roll worthy, Jaehyun would say.

“I just fucking heard you, she’s my wife. What the fuck are you trying to do?” His finger rose to poke at Jaehyun’s shoulder. The taller one of the two feeling offended by Mark’s accusations and thoughts that he’d snake him like that. Jaehyun was not Mark.

“Sorry, that’s on me,” Jaehyun slaps Mark’s hand away, creating some distance. “I'm just helping her—” “Back the fuck off, she’s my wife…” 

Tired enough by this facade, Jaehyun scowls at Mark, pushing past him towards the door. “Then don’t be a shitty husband and she won’t have to seek other people to do what you can’t! I know how to respect marriages well enough, if anything I’m just helping her. Something you should do for once in your fucking life.”

Jaehyun bites back, watching Mark’s face falter as he slams the door behind him while you continue your sobbing. Overwhelmed by your bodily reaction but mostly for what just ensued in this room. With no form to defend yourself and Jaehyun. Hurt that Mark thought you two would betray him like he’s done to those before you.

You believe me like a God, I’ll betray you like a man.

In that instance Mark wanted to run to Jaehyun and gouge his eyes out, rip his stupid freshly bleached hair out, and beat him until he was nothing else than liquid matter. The words rang horribly inside his head to the point he was seeing red, his vision blurred and stars were floating in his eyes.

History was repeating itself and he was finally paying his wrong doings. He thought Jungwoo and Jaehyun were his friends but Hyuck thought the same of him and now he’s found himself in this predicament.

You're sweet, you're lovely. You go out of your way to make Mark happy so it was him all along. He's the problem and karma is finally making him pay the price.

Jaehyun understood it was his fault for being careless and using pet names but can one blame him when he was worried? Someone has to if not the one who bowed to do so. Even when he’s gone from eye sight, Jaehyun’s efforts are felt through Johnny who knocks on the door. Mark opens it slightly, Johnny standing before him with a glass of water and baking soda. Telling him about how Jaehyun sent him before leaving; for you to swish your mouth with this and drink some sparkling water to soothe your stomach ache.

Mark took it without a word, nodding at Johnny before shutting the door in his face as if this wasn’t his home. You were up on your feet by the time Mark turned around, lid closed as you flushed the toilet, reaching the sink to rinse your mouth before taking the glass from his hand. No words from either of you.

He looked at you through the mirror, arms crossed and factions softening upon noticing how tired and sick you looked. Gauntly, lips and eyes puffed out, and cheeks streaked. It was best to go home after that incident, only giving Johnny an apologetic goodbye while the rest of the guests paid no mind. On your end you were out of the apartment already, embarrassment laced on your face. 

And even through the car ride, all you could think about was Mark’s words and actions. Memories of Mark smugly telling his ex-best friend words Jaehyun spat at him flooded his vision, making it dangerous for him to be driving. To his side you grunted in discomfort, feeling as if vile was to rise from you again but he paid you no mind, made no effort to comfort you, more focused on his own feelings.

The look Hyuck had on his face eight years ago was the one Mark mirrors this night. One way or another one will pay for all their sins and you were his cross.

He didn’t talk to you for the remainder of the night. Didn’t care enough to question why you fell ill or how frightened you were about the possibility that this may be it, that this was his excuse to leave you behind.

The thoughts, his actions and words clouding your mind through your shower, skin care routine, and brushing your teeth. Spending minutes upon minutes doing the latter, disgusted by yourself. Brushing away all the vile you wanted to throw at him but instead ended down Johnny’s plumbing. For only Jaehyun to hear and understand.

Mark laid down on his side by the time you came out of the bathroom. You knew he was angry, his stiff body making no effort to move even when feeling the bed sink under your knees. He tried not to move when he felt your arms wrap around him seeking comfort in his warmth, but Mark wasn’t willing to give it to you. Without a care if he hurt you, which is what he did.

“Why don’t you love me anymore?”

Your words made his eyes open. Startled, his body hardens under your touch, almost like your upcoming tears were freezing him on the spot. Damp on his sleeping shirt but hot on his back. He turns abruptly, pushing back a bit in the process. “What are you even ta—”

“Why don’t you love me anymore?!” You cut him off, voice raising to something he’s never heard before. “You’ve been so distant. More than usual and I can’t take it anymore!” Your palms cover your eyes, pushing back tears, forbidding you to look at that mocking grin on his face as he shakes his head in disbelief. 

You’re the one who grows distant when I beckon you near.

His voice on the other hand makes sure you know how he feels. “You think so? I think this is the closest I’ve been to you.” He chuckles, taking into account that look of confusion on your face as you put down your hands, resting them on your lap. “Why don’t you tell me anything, Y/n? You tell Jungwoo everything. You ask Jaehyun to do everything for you. I’m your husband, why don't you don’t you trust me enough?” 

Your confusion falls, disgust and anger replace it. “When I ask anything out of you, you never want to nor know how to do it.” Your voice was hurt, head shaking a tad with every syllable, hate laced into each one. He hated how much your reaction resembled Jaehyun’s.

He doesn’t want to admit you’re right, “You ask the most absurd of favors.” He scoffs, sitting up to be face to face with you. “Are you fucking serious? You’re a grown man who can’t cook or clean for himself. Up until I saw you at the bakery I thought you didn’t know where it was but then I saw you with another girl there.” You huff, arms flailing like when you’re with Jungwoo. 

There would be some satisfaction in him to know your true self is here talking with him but bringing old news made him groan. “I thought you said it was fine and we’d drop it there.” He takes into account the glare you’re throwing him, smoke coming out of your ears the longer neither of you speak.

If he had known a few drinks would do this to you, he would have not let you drink. The thing is, Mark pays no mind to you to not notice you’ve drank mocktails all night. He was more worried about Jaehyun than you.

“It’s not fine when you’re with some other girl to a place you keep avoiding when I ask you to go. Is it because of her? Is she the one taking my place now?” Your voice came out choppy, acheful, with the question, inhaling and exhaling to calm yourself down.

He on the other hand doesn’t take it kindly, annoyed that you’d think about him that way but that's what he’s been thinking about you, so what difference does it make? It would not be his first rodeo, so are you that insane to think of him like that?

I’ll betray you like a man.

Mark stands from the bed, crouching to eye-level with you as if you were a child he’s lecturing. “It’s not because of her, I don’t give a fuck about her! I barely know her, she is just an intern, and hasn't been there for a month now! We were sent by my boss!” His fingers poke his temple, in a form to tell you to get it through your head.

“But I’m right? You don’t love me anymore.”

Mark stands up straight in disbelief with your words despite none defending his case coming from his own mouth. He could see how your heart was crushing with every passing second.

The truth is hiding in your eyes and it’s hanging on your tongue. Just boiling in my blood. 

“All this time I thought you were calm… level headed— but you're the opposite... you don’t talk to me, you tell Jaehyun and Jungwoo everything. Why can’t you tell me everything? Why can't you need and trust me?” His voice softens, calming down.

“Because you don’t ever want to listen to me! I can’t need you when you do everything in your power for me not to!” Truth is, he did know how to clean and cook for himself, he's done it before but he's grown selfish and dependent.

Your outburst left him speechless, all the sighs he had to give stuck and dispersed through every crevice of his interior, poisoning his flow. He knows you’re right but he doesn’t want to believe it.

“I give and give and give but I never receive! I love you so much, it's become so painful that I rather let it slide than be far from you.” You crawl closer to the edge of the bed, hoping to minimize the distance between you two. The feeling of proximity only seems to feel farther, leaving room for a blizzard to rest between you two.

Mark knows he’s not man enough, your coworker said it. He knows he doesn’t help or take care of you, Jaehyun and Jungwoo told him so. None of these men had to tell him for him to know he doesn’t deserve you. It just so happens to be that Mark is selfish and wasn’t able to process it until now. He swore he believed you through writing but now, with you telling him directly— reality is forcing itself upon him.

“I think we should take a break.”

Selfish, selfish, selfish.

“What?” You ask confused and startled, looking up at him with fury in your eyes. “What? Don’t be fucking stupid. We’re married and we’ll stay this way! It's not as easy as you let out, asshole.” You sniffle, getting off the bed now, approaching him despite the gap he’s formed between you two. In all senses. 

“You’re just not who I fell in love with anymore.”

You wanted to rip his hair out, claw his skin and inject your pain and love into him so he could understand what you felt. You knew he was selfish but how fucking stupid could he be? 

“You’re so— you’re no fucking better than anyone else. You fell in love with the idea you made of me. Whatever the fuck that is! Any chance you get to see the real me you shut me down, Mark! Why can’t you just love me?! Not the stupid girl you thought I was.”

Your cries stopped, hands taking purchase on his arms, squeezing tighter with the adrenaline of wrath coursing through your veins. You were tired, tired of his foolishness and in times like these, you weren’t going to let him ruin what you’ve built.

“You fell in love with an idealized version of me too, if you’re still this in love.” Mark gulps, making no effort to move but his eyes felt heavy and tired. Hurt even, not sure if for himself or for you, empathy winning for once. Pity sounds better.

You think that I can’t see what kind of man that you are. If you’re man at all.

“I see you for who you fucking are. You’re selfish, you don’t want to do things for others unless you’re getting something out of it. You weaponize your incompetence for me to do things for you. You’re insecure especially with other men around me because you think of yourself exactly the opposite as them unless they’re more pathetic compared to you.” Your finger poked his chest, reminiscing on how he began berating Jaehyun.

“You’re especially jealous of your friends because they offer more for me than you do and that’s your fault.  You project your insecurities and mistakes onto them and me because you’re a bad friend, husband, and ultimately a bad person. Yet I’m still with you because I love you— even with everything you put me through and how you can’t help but compare me to— to her! Get over it and through your head, that was loneliness and you were the easiest victim. No one leaves their husband for someone they don't love.”

Like the pathetic man he was, he broke down. No amount of swallowing and gulping down the knot in his throat would go away. Tears streamed down his cheeks upon hearing you project onto the world what you had whispered to the toilet bowl earlier. Mark wasn’t aware that you knew about Hyuck and her but he wouldn’t doubt if you had come across letters from them both in the past just like he came across your journals. 

Having you voice what he had been thinking about since that experience caused his world to finally see true color, despite you being purposely vicious. He knew what that fling meant for her, for Hyuck, and for him. It just so happens that it meant more for him and here he was taking it out on the only person who has stuck by his side.

You loved him but you also hated him and that was more than clear to him now.

“Better reason for us to take a break. You deserve better… I’m sorry I’m the one you love. No one will ever love me like you again.” He sighs, sniffling, throwing his head back to not let any more tears shed. 

“I don’t care. If I go without you I’ll—I…” you clinging your nails to his shoulders trying to cut off your words. You knew what you wanted to say wasn’t healthy, not for you and not for him. Mark knows this, weeks of reading your entries allowing him to understand what goes within the walls of your brain. 

"Y/n please stop... you’re hurting me." It doesn't change the fact that feeling it was worse than reading it. “Then you’re a coward who would die within an hour in my shoes if I treated you the way you treat me.” You sternly and ferociously spit. He wails before doing the only thing he knew would calm you down. 

Leaning in, he kisses you, meekly. Pouring in the love he once had for you and the remaining he has now. But your body rejects it, feeling how phony it is. Pushing him off, running to the restroom to repeat the happenings of earlier. Mark sighs in relief to have you not corner him but in this instance concern floods him.

He follows you to the bathroom, standing by the door frame with crossed arms. Watching you hold your hair like Jaehyun had done earlier. Tears back in your eyes as you continue to lash out your rage against the white porcelain that's witnessed this on other occasions. Although this was one that should symbolize happiness, yet it’s clear you both won’t take it as such.

Mark took a look at his watch, 11:28PM. “Come on, get your shoes. I’ll take you to urgent care, you probably just need some electrolytes.” He approaches you, aiming to help you up but you resist, shaking your head defeatedly. 

“I’m not drunk.” You let out through gritted teeth. “No?” He questions smugly, annoyed at your rejection. “They were mocktails. These are normal symptoms.” He gives you a quizzical look. “Look in the drawer, Nancy Drew.” You huff, mocking him for his detective work these past weeks. It was only natural he’d find out eventually if he kept meddling in your journals.

With furrowed eyes, and look remaining, Mark pulls at the white drawer, the cold metal burning his warm hand. He digs and digs through piles of papers. All bills or old letters neither of you cared enough for. Reaching the bottom Mark feels something solid wrapped around a newer piece of paper. In comparison to the yellowing pages, this was white and bright, tied with a rubber band around the solid material.

He throws you a quick glance while taking it into his hands, unraveling the rubber to open it and come to view with three sticks, all with matching two-pink stripes. Any ounce of hope to restart is gone with the weight in his hands. Disappearing when he read the paper.

‘Laboratory report Patient: Y/n Lee. Sampled collected: May 15, 2008. Report date: May 20, 2008 Status: Pregnant Gestational age: 5-8 weeks.’

Mark reads it over and over, finally having the courage to look at you. His eyes wide and dim, reflecting on your cold angry ones. This was it. It was his life. What you would have taken as a beautiful moment, you can now agree this seals your faith. The look you gave him mirroring his misery. At least now you both were on board for once, basking in the fact this was a deadend no matter what.

You both know nothing will get fixed, all there is left is to pretend for the life that’s growing within you. Wreckless as ever, and the cycle of life continues. An innocent life to suffer the trails of a failed relationship for years to follow. That’s all Mark knows, that’s all you know. Generational curses don't end with either of you.

if you liked happy together: it’s too bad you’re married… to me, you’ll enjoy: stupid girl !

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taglist: @haknyeonsju @seungjiseyo @theskzvibe @wonyofanclub @lovingvoidgoatee

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream who's most likely to switch their shoes with your heels.

AN: *screams* MARK LEE!!! This is all his fault bec. of that fansign video. >:( jk. But as someone who's tall and loves wearing heels, i have to write this ! (still implied that reader is shorter than dreamies.)

Huang Renjun

Have you seen his outfit looks !?!?!?! Heels are no worries for him. He doesn't care if it's a stilettos or high heels, if your feet is aching so bad that you can't walk properly without wincing, he doesn't hesitate to remove his shoes so that you can wear it. It's huge for your feet and you'll probably drag it against the ground but you don't mind it because your soles can finally rest. Renjun on the other hand, doesn't mind walking around wearing your heels, it's pretty and he wants for you to be comfortable. :<

Lee Donghyuck

Another one who wears heels in Dreamies ofc!! Heels are his least worries, he doesn't mind switching shoes with you BUT it depends on the situation, if it was a formal event where you're required, he'll be worried for your feet the whole night. But if you just want to wear heels because you want to, Haechan would probably roll his eyes because he told you so that the heels isn't the best shoes to wear during that time, and yet, he doesn't think twice of removing his shoes so that he can switch it with your heels. 

Mark Lee

Mark's third and that's because he stated that he'll give his shoes to his girlfriend but will prefer to walk around barefoot though. LMAO anyway, since that's the case, I feel like Mark would not be that barefoot (jesus christ, the streets are dirty!) so he'll probably leave his socks on if he's wearing one lol. It doesn't matter if the socks get so dirty, he doesn't mind it though as long as you're comfy with his shoes, and would probably be the type of carry your heels for you. :<

Park Jisung 

Just like Mark, I feel like Jisung would prefer walking around wearing socks or barefoot just so you can wear his shoes. He doesn't mind at all because he prioritizes your comfort first! I think he's also the type who tells you to sit on a chair or maybe bench first if your feet is aching, he lets you rest first and if it's really unbearable, that's when he offers his shoes for you, and there will be push and pull fight with you two and at the end, he's walking around wearing his socks, carrying your heels while you drag his huge shoes around lol. 

Zhong Chenle 

I don't know where this spectrum is going but Chenle's on the least likely BUT that's because he probably would be willing to switch shoes with you but he can't walk properly in heels lol. So his solution is to buy you shoes! or any footwear that is within your vicinity. You'll be shocked because of his gestures but you watch as he casually grabs the box from the paperbag, open it to see a pair of expensive sneakers and it fits you perfectly??? so you're just having a cinderella moment there and your bf is like, pats shoulder because he's so proud of what he did. <3

Na Jaemin

He's also same with Chenle! He probably would like switch shoes with you but it depends which type of shoes are you wearing, if it's a stilettos or a high heels, he can't walk properly on it. He also wants to be comfy too! So he would probably be the type to carry you instead of switching shoes with you lol. It's much easier for both of you because I feel like Jaemin thinks there's much princess treatment carrying you rather than you wearing his shoes that's too big for you while he's wearing barefoot. Plus the walk is easier!

Lee Jeno

Same with Jaemin, Jeno would be willing to switch shoes with you but you know what? Once you complained to him that your feet is aching and you don't want to walk anymore, he just thinks that the better solution is to carry you on the way home! Piggyback type of carry and it's with an ease, he'll probably ask you if your comfortable enough in the position and would walk slowly so that you don't feel uncomfy, :< He likes it too because the skinship between you two is because you're snuggled around him like a koala. :<<

[14buddy22]

I’ll Spend the Rest of My Life Making It Up To You Series

Part 4! WC: 6.5K

Warnings: Domestic Violence, Engagements/proposals, bruises, scars, cuts, stitches, fractures, broken bones, mention of killing, beating, prison, abuse (physical, verbal, mental, and emotional), heavy angst, marriage, weddings, biting/bite marks, throwing up, rape, blood, mention of Foyet’s stabbings/Haley’s death

A/n: This part Is from the letters. It switches off between Aaron reading them and what the reader is going through. Italicized are the letters. If I missed any warnings... PLEASE LMK

Series Masterlist // Masterlist

Aaron sat at his desk. Afraid to open up the evidence box of letters. Afraid to open up the case file. He didn’t know what to do. All he could think about was how he could let you get away, again. How was the universe treating him like this? Why did terrible things happen to the woman he loved, the woman he’s always been in love with?

Aaron was afraid of a lot. He was afraid of losing you, that’s what made him break off the engagement. Everything he was afraid of, was becoming his reality. As one of the better profilers in the FBI, how did he not notice the signs? He thought he was doing everything to protect you, to keep you safe, but staring at his desk, his thoughts proved him wrong. He could have kept you safe, and that’s his fault.

Aaron slowly took a deep breath. Shaky hands moved towards the file on his desk. When he opened it, he saw you. He saw you at your most vulnerable moments. He saw every single bruise, scar, cut, scratch, stitch, and possible fracture. He saw everything.

He wanted to kill Jake. He didn’t care if he sat in prison. What Jake did to you is something Aaron could never understand. He never understood why his father did it to his mother and him. He still doesn’t understand how someone could ‘be in love’ with someone, yet still, beat them, throw things at them, and be physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive toward someone. It’s just the one thing he couldn’t wrap his mind around.

When he slowly got through all the photos, he didn’t realize the tears that had fallen onto his desk. He was angry. He was upset. His heart hurt knowing that he ended the engagement to protect you, but instead, led you to your abuser.

It’s ironic that where Jake gave you bruises, cuts, and scars, are all the same places where Aaron had kissed and touched you when you two were together. He just prayed that if Jake did lay hands on you tonight, it wouldn’t be your face, where Aaron had held your face in his palms today.

After finally having enough and feeling sick to his stomach looking at what Jake had done to you, and finally having mentally prepped himself for getting ready to read your letters, he closed the file up, moved it over to the side, and then opened the evidence box.

There were a lot of letters. You can bet any money that he was going to read every single word you wrote in every single letter. He wouldn’t leave until he finished. He pulled out the first letter, looking at the date.

6 months after the engagement ended.

Hotchner,

I met someone. He’s funny and kind. He dances on top of tables at the bar, and even though the bouncer keeps telling him he can’t, he does it. He’s got a nice smile. His name’s Jake. He’s run into me a couple of times at the bar within the past month. I think now he’s almost stalking me, lol. I can tell he’s trying to ask for my number, which he’ll get by the way.

I don’t know why I’m writing you this, maybe it’s my way of getting over you. He’s asked about you. He knew that I must have broken up with someone. We talked about you. He wasn’t very fond of you breaking my heart, but I took some of the blame because you don’t deserve to have this man hate you and he doesn’t even know you. I know this letter will never be sent, you’ll never read it, but maybe this is my personal diary. I guess I’ll keep you updated.

With Love, Y/n

Aaron wanted to tear the letter to shreds. You wrote to him about Jake to get over him. He continued to read the next few letters. Luckily they were still in the honeymoon phase. Jake treated you great at the start. He asked for your number, took you out to dinner, didn’t try to kiss you after the first date.

Aaron hated what he was reading, especially knowing what the outcome of this relationship is 10 years later. He hated it so much. If he could have gone back in time, he would’ve told you to run. He would’ve shown up at your apartment to say how sorry he was. He would have done anything to get you back. The nights he spent drinking, working, drowning in his sorrows, wishing he had you back in his life, you were going out with Jake.

It was about 5 letters later, he finally got to the first one, about 7 months in to dating Jake.

Hotchner,

He called me fat today. Could you believe that? I was trying on a dress for a friend’s wedding and he didn’t like the way I looked. He didn’t even try to lie. I mean, seriously. What man does that? I know if it had been you, you would have said wow, you look beautiful. I know it shouldn’t be that big of a deal, but for someone to call their girlfriend fat, it just blows my mind. Even if I’ve gained 5 pounds, I guess I don’t look that good in the dress, that’s fine, but shouldn’t he try to hide it? Instead, he’s pointing out specifically where the dress made me look fat. I guess I’m missing your comments, even if you didn’t mean them, I always believed in them. I felt like the prettiest girl in the world when I was around you, but being with him makes me think I’m not. I know I’m not a model, but it makes you think, ya know?

Aaron kept on reading, intrigued by the verbal, mental, and emotional abuse that was beginning in your relationship. It tore him apart that you didn’t realize it then. He got to the letter he didn’t want to get to. Your wedding day with Jake. He had been dreading this letter. He actually didn’t even know if there would be a letter about your wedding day, but alas, there was, and he was holding it in his hands.

Hotchner, I’m really marrying him. Can you believe it? Well, maybe you can because you’re actually coming. Well, I hope you’re coming. You told me you were when we were having lunch. I’m not marrying you, god, I wish I had. We never got to have that dance that we wanted as we talked about at the wedding that you didn’t even want to go to in the first place. Hopefully, you’ll save a dance for me tonight. I hope Haley doesn’t mind if I steal you away for 1 song to dance to. Well, 2 hours until I get married. I know you’ll never read this, but, I hope you object to the wedding. We can run off, get married, and have 6 little Hotchner babies running around. It’s not fair to Haley because she didn’t do anything, but I think I’d be happier with you than Jake. Until the next letter, Y/n.

When Aaron turned to the next letter, he saw how much longer it was, there was a teardrop stained on it. He was afraid to read it. For once, he wanted to stop. To break his promise to himself that he wouldn’t stop reading until he was done, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t break another promise to you. He knew that the letters in his hand were a continuation from your wedding day because they were all stapled together, and the only date on the entire page was on the front paper, from your wedding day.

I saw the look you gave me today while you were sitting in the pew. I was trying to silently plead with you to stand up and say I object at the wedding. Had you done that, I would have run away with you. I mentioned before that Haley didn’t deserve it, but I saw the way you looked at me when I walked down the aisle. I saw the way your breath hitched when I made eye contact with you. I saw you slightly lean forward when the priest was asking if anyone objected to the marriage. Don’t think I missed it because I didn’t. I wish you would have done something because then I wouldn’t be in the situation that I’m stuck in.

When Jake and I shared our first dance, I wish that would have been you dancing with me. The entire night would have been better if you were the one I married instead of him. When you had walked outside for what I could only think to gather yourself at the end of the first dance, I wanted to follow you right when the song ended, to tell you that everything’s going to be okay, nothing would change between us, but boy, was I wrong. I couldn’t go. He told me I had to stay with him to say goodbye to those who were leaving, to stay for pictures. He had to have known I was going to go after you.

And I wish I did, because as the night ended and I hugged you, it was like I was losing my other half when you walked away. I know we promised each other lunch dates, but after what happened, which I will get to in a second, I’m not sure if there will be lunch dates, and that’s what hurts me. It hurts to know that I might never see you again.

I’m scared. What he did to me tonight, I prayed would never happen to anyone I know. After the stories, Sean told me about your father and your mom. The stories that you told about your father and you. I guess I was so naive to think that would never happen to me. I guess had I fought harder for you, I would have been right. You would have never hurt me the way he did tonight.

It started out with him being mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive. He started saying that he didn’t like my wedding dress, although I absolutely felt like a princess in it.

Aaron took a moment to pause. He thought you looked absolutely stunning in that dress. It was perfect. You were a real-life princess. How did Jake not see that? If Jake wasn’t interested in you, why even bother to get married to you? He didn’t want to keep reading, but he had too.

He ripped the dress off me and got upset with me because I wasn’t in his favorite type of lingerie. I thought what I had bought was cute. What he likes is practically next to nothing and I didn’t want to feel bare underneath my wedding dress. The hard earned money I spent on my dress, ruined, only for him to rip it off to just get me naked. I wanted to cry right then and there. He was rough, throwing me onto the bed, I hit my head against the wall. He was possessive, dominant. I’m not saying that I wasn’t into that because you know I was, but he didn’t ask for safe words, he didn’t ask what was okay and what was not okay. 

He slapped me, hard. He called me a bitch. Who wants to be called a bitch on their wedding night? He ripped the lingerie off me and yelled at me because it wasn’t what he wanted. Then he got really rough. 

Leaving bite marks above my breasts, on my breasts, my thighs. He thought it was turning me on. I tried tugging him off, but he only got turned on even more. I didn’t want anything more to happen. 

I really didn’t. I tried to push him off before he entered me. I tried, but he just held me down and told me to be quiet. He said, “If I were Aaron, I know you’d keep quiet.”

Aaron threw up. Whatever he had to eat that day all came out into the garbage can. He couldn’t believe what he had just read. He was the reason you were sexually assaulted. Jake was jealous and it was Aaron’s fault to blame. This was Aaron’s fault, there’s no more denying that it wasn’t Aaron’s fault anymore. In Aaron’s eyes, it’s his fault that everything happened to you. As he thought that, he threw up again.

When he finally composed himself together, he picked up the letter again. Going to read the rest of your letter from that awful night.

Sorry for the tear smudge on this. I had to take a break. Crying in the bathroom as I’m writing this. I’m sorry. Anyways, I might as well continue.

When your name came out of his mouth, I knew he was jealous, he was doing this to me like I had done something terrible to him. When I told him that you weren’t into being dominant in bed, he slapped me again.

God, I never want to feel that pain ever again.

I had tears coming down my cheeks. I knew I was going to be raped and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was vulnerable, exposed to him. His father’s a lawyer. His father’s amazing, sweet, and super kind, but his son is polar opposite.

I remember asking Jake if we could stop. I told him I had a headache and that we could have sex right when we woke up in the morning. I begged him, but he just told me no. It was then that he entered me. I told him to stop. I tried to move, but he just kept going. I was frozen. I didn’t want this. I told him to stop. Tears were coming out of my eyes as he bit my. His teeth broke through my skin, I could feel the blood begin to drip down my shoulder.

Even after everything he did, he couldn’t even get me off. He finished inside me, rolled over, and went to bed.

Now it’s 2am and I’m writing this as I’m sitting in the hotel bathroom, trying to collect my thoughts, and figuring out if that really happened. I know it did. I didn’t make this up. I’m staring at the bite marks he left on my shoulder. The bite marks on my breasts, the redness on the one side of my face where he slapped me one time too many.

I’m feeling empty inside. I feel as if I’m worthless. I feel lost. I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I know you never would have made me feel like this. Even when our engagement ended, I never felt this way. What Jake did to me tonight is much worse.

I wish I would have fought harder for our relationship. I wish I would have ran away from the wedding today. I wish I had the strength to push him off of me and leave the hotel room before he assaulted me. All the things I could wish, I can’t go back in time to change it. That’s what scares me.

I just got married to what I thought was someone I loved, but instead, I was treated as a sex doll tonight. I was treated like garbage. I hope that I never feel the way I felt tonight. I’m sure it was just the alcohol that made him act out.

I’m just scared, but I should be allowed to feel that. I wish I had you so I could be in your arms. I could really use a Hotchner hug. Why does it feel like I’ll never be able to really tell you how things are between Jake and I? Like our lunch plans won’t actually work out? I’m afraid to think that way, but after what Jake did, I don’t know if it’s the same man I met at the bar 2 years ago.

I really, really miss you. And, I’m still in love with you.

It was like someone punched Aaron in the gut. He had lost all air he was holding. He wanted to throw up again but didn’t know if he could or if he should. This was like torture. He’d rather get stabbed 9 times again than read through the pain he put you through. This was only 2 years into your relationship with Jake, and there were still 8 years worth of letters to go.

He just wanted you in his arms safely. To help you get a therapist, to talk to someone so you learned to live with your trauma instead of shoving it deep down as he did. He knew all there was to know about trauma and he hated that you knew what trauma was too.

*******

When you pulled into your driveway, you were met by Jake in the garage. You just needed to calm down. You couldn’t make yourself suspicious about what you had been doing. As you grabbed Mason out of the car, you walked into the garage.

It was a weird feeling. Jake almost seemed scared that you had left.

“I thought something had happened to you. I don’t know what I’d do if something were to happen to you or Mason. Hey, there’s my baby boy. Did you have fun with Mommy today?”

It was the little things like that that made you realize that maybe it wasn’t so bad to continue to be in a relationship with Jake. Maybe you overreacted going to Aaron. Jake wrapped you in his arms and kissed your forehead. Over the past 8 years, ever since your wedding, you got used to faking being in love with him.

There were some moments when you did love him. Maybe it was the way that he’d pay for a family’s dinner at a restaurant that you and he ate at, or it was the way he was looking at you now, when he realized that at any given moment, his wife and child can walk out on him.

“I’m sorry I scared you today. Aaron needed me. Jack’s going through so much. Sean hasn’t talked to Aaron. He just needed a friend. Jack just needed a mom figure. I should have told you but I didn’t want to bother you at work. So, I’m sorry.”

You got teary-eyed, you really had to play this up. You had to play it up so much that you almost believed it.

“How’s Jack doing?”

“He misses his mom. I don’t blame him. If God forbid something happens to me, I know Mason would be okay with you, but the trauma of losing a parent when you’re young. I don’t know how Aaron’s doing it. I hope Jack’s going to be okay. Aaron convinced Jack to start seeing the therapist that he had back when it happened and after, Jack finally agreed. So, it’s progress. I’m hoping to check in and take Jack out for a dinner, and spend some time with Mason. He was so good with him today.”

“Whatever Jack needs.”

How was Jake acting like this? Like he said he was going to kill you because he knew you were with Aaron. Maybe he just lost his cool when you told him. Maybe using Jack as a decoy was going to help you get out of your relationship with him. Well, at least an escape. Maybe you were overreacting.

Mason and I are starving, so, what do you say I cook us up something to eat?”

“Honey, you know I’m good with whatever you make.”

It was weird. He was acting like you and he had been in the perfect marriage for the past 10 years. He was playing on the floor with Mason, laughing, and smiling. He had come into the kitchen, walking over to put his hand on your hip and kiss your shoulder.

It made you smile, he did have loving moments, and maybe he had an eye-opening experience with you being gone for the day. Maybe something changed in him. Maybe everything was going to be okay now.

Maybe…just maybe

…..

He hated it. He hated that you endured this pain for 10 years and he couldn’t stand the thought of you going through it tonight. He had to find you, but you promised him you’d be safe, and you always kept your promises.

If you really needed him, you would call. That’s what he was going to tell himself as he was finished with the letter. He kept that letter off to the side, in a different pile. When he reached into the box for the next one, he felt an envelope. As he opened it, he found more photos.

These were the photos you took of yourself in the hotel bathroom on your wedding night. He saw the torn wedding dress in the corner, the lingerie that was no longer on your body. He saw the way your lip was split. He saw the bitemarks on your shoulder. He saw your mascara running down your face. He saw the bruises forming, the red marks of his handprint on your face.

Rage consumed Aaron’s body. If he wasn’t an FBI agent, if he wasn’t a father to a little boy who had already lost his mom, he would’ve been a vigilante and killed Jake. Jake didn’t deserve you. You were an angel, yet you’d been through Hell.

Aaron put the letter and the photos back inside the envelope and then moved on to the next letters. The letters of your abuse were tearing him apart. He was sick to his stomach, literally. Just when he thought he had emptied his stomach contents, there was more. It wouldn’t stop.

Reading how he would hit you if you didn’t have his meal on the table when he came home, degrading you while you were getting ready for work, getting ready for a night out with him, degrading you during sex. The most intimate moment with someone and he was making you feel bad about yourself.

Aaron was in complete awe of you. How could someone who was in an abusive relationship be so composed? How could you get up for work every single day and go teach little kids? How could you be so good at hiding how what was going on in your life?

Then he got to a letter he didn’t think he could dread, but he had. The past few letters, you had been counting down until you were meeting with him for your first lunch date. Almost seeing him an entire year after your wedding, both of you just being so busy. He was dreading it, but he knew he had to read the letter.

Wow, you looked amazing today. Oh my gosh, I can’t believe I just wrote that when I’m a married woman. Well, I’m still in love with you. I don’t think I’ll ever get over you. I need to. I’m a married woman, you’re engaged to Haley. I can’t believe it. I hope she sees what an amazing man you are. The BAU seems to be going well for you. I’m glad. You were always great at putting others first before yourself. That’s what I admired about you from the start. You would take care of Sean before you took care of yourself. That was a small thing that hooked me from the start. But, I can’t believe I finally got to go out to lunch with you. It was amazing. I had such a great time from hearing about your engagement to how wedding prep is going. While I loved hearing about you, I wish you would have seen the way my heart was slowly breaking. I wish you would have seen the way I was nervously tapping my feet on the ground. I wish you would have seen the bruise that was forming on my ribs and how much pain I was in. He pushed me down the stairs today, Aaron. He found out I was having lunch with you and he got so upset. When I asked him why he did it, he said that I tripped. I KNOW I did not trip down the stairs, Aaron. He purposely pushed me because he was angry with me. He probably would have done a lot worse had I not left when I did and explained that we were in a public setting, having lunch at the local diner where his office was across the street. Gosh, it sounds terrible, but I wish you would have noticed what was going on with me and asked me. It’s not your fault. It’s my fault I didn’t speak up. I just don’t think I’ll ever be able to speak up myself, because… what if I’m crazy? He will lose it even more and hurt me even more than he has if he found out I told anyone what he does to me, especially if I told you. It was good to see your smile. I had this image of you from my wedding day and that’s not the Aaron Hotchner I wanted to recognize. I’m glad I got to see you today. It’ll be a memory and moment that helps me get through everything until our next lunch date. I hope it’s soon. Maybe the abuse from Jake will stop. I don’t know. Maybe you’ll recognize that I am being abused by Jake. You’re the world’s best profiler but you couldn’t profile me. Maybe I should play poker. You always said I was good at the game when we used to play, especially strip poker because I’d always have my clothes still on and you’d be down to your boxers before I even began to lose an article of clothing. (That’s because I felt bad and let you win). But, you always told me that I didn’t have a good enough poker face, but guess what Aaron? We were playing a game of poker today and you couldn’t even tell the cards I was trying to play tonight. My poker face was too good for you to see that I was broken, battered, and hurting. You saw a friend who you hadn’t seen since her wedding. You saw the woman you used to be engaged to now married to another man. Maybe you saw me smile and hug you right away so you convinced yourself that I had moved on, that I was okay without you. Damn it, Aaron, I got excited to hug you because I just wanted to feel loved for once since my wedding. I just wanted to be held by you because you brought me a little bit of safety and comfort. When you touched me, I couldn’t flinch because I knew you would have never done what he is doing to me. When you hugged me goodbye after our lunch, I didn’t want to let go right away because I didn’t want my time to be over with you. I just wanted to hold onto something good in my life for just a few more seconds, before I had to return to this hell. I’m hoping I get your wedding invitation soon, I owe you a dance since we never got to dance at my wedding.

Aaron remembered that day. He spent so much of that time talking about himself, you had rarely talked about you. He just remembers thinking about how beautiful you had looked. How you were smiling and laughing at whatever he was saying. You were intrigued at whatever he was talking about.

Thinking back to that lunch date and now reading the letter, he feels like a complete asshole. Why didn’t he just think to ask more about Jake? Maybe you were right. You knew he didn’t like Jake. You knew you weren’t going to talk about Jake with Aaron.

Rereading the letter again, he does remember the way your legs were bouncing under the table, he just thought you were really excited. He did remember the way you kept looking over his shoulder, like you were waiting for someone. He remembered the way you grabbed your rib cage and held it for a few seconds after laughing.

Then he remembered when you and he used to play strip poker, how he would always lose to you. He would be wanting to get you naked, yet he was always the one naked before you were. The more he would play poker with you though, he began to notice your tells, but you were right, you had perfected the poker face because he couldn’t pick up on the cards you were playing with at your lunch date.

He was an awful profiler. This was only the first lunch date you wrote about. How many other lunch dates did he miss the signs of a domestic violence victim that were right in front of him? Maybe he was trying to convince himself that you had moved on and that he had to be okay. He regrets it now. He regrets everything. Had he not broken up your engagement, you and he would be together, you wouldn’t have met Jake and he wouldn’t have married Haley. Haley was murdered because of his job. Two people he loved and both of them dealt with pain and suffering. Haley even lost her life because of it.

All because of him and his actions.

Aaron knew he couldn’t continue. He needed to get some food in him. He needed to go for a walk. He needed to cry. He didn’t know. He was hurting. He wanted to see you. He wanted to hold you in his arms again and he wanted to cry with you. He wanted to apologize to you.

As he stood up from his desk, he kept the letter folded up and placed it in his pocket. He grabbed the box of letters and grabbed his keys. He needed something to eat, but he was craving to read what you were going to write about next. He needed to get to the letter you wrote about your last lunch date together. He needed to know what lead up to it being the last one.

So, the only logical thing for him to do was to get in his car with your letters and drive to the diner that you two always met at. He sat in the booth that you two always sat at. He remembers asking you why you liked the booth and you said that you were far away enough from the front door but not super close to the kitchen. You liked being in the middle of everything, but you also liked to see everyone who was around you. Being in the middle, you could see everyone.

As he sat down at the booth, he ordered your favorite meal, not even his. He ordered what you would have gotten with him. Maybe he just needed to feel close to you. He didn’t know, but whatever it was, he was lost in rereading your first lunch date letter when the waitress asked him what he wanted and he just said your order, not realizing it until they brought it out to him.

Before he picked up the next letter, he was interrupted with a phone call from Jack. Jack was the best thing to happen to him. He was such a great kid. With everything he’s been through at a young age, Aaron was so proud of him.

******

“Mason’s asleep. Would you like to watch a movie?”

“I’m going out of town. Business trip. I’ll be out for two weeks.”

“Oh-okay. Um, when are you leaving?

“My flight leaves in two hours. Which is why, now that he’s asleep, I can have you all to myself.”

As you made your way over to kiss him, you felt him push you up against the wall. Full body covering yours. You didn’t realize your head hit the wall hard enough to put a dent in the wall.

When he grabbed your face, he said, “Do you really think I’m that dumb? Do you really think I didn’t know you went to see Aaron to see him and not his son? Your tracking device on the car was going crazy. You were at his place of work. You know what that means, huh?”

He slapped you and pushed you to the ground. As you yelped, he towered over you. You were scared. You didn’t know what was going to happen. Mason was upstairs sleeping, but you couldn’t protect him if something happened to you. You just needed to get Jake out of the house and then you were running away.

“Aaron has been a problem since our wedding. Do you remember that? Aaron’s name only ever seems to be the problem.”

“Jake. I promise nothing has happened between Aaron and me ever since Aaron and I were engaged. I can’t even look at him without wanting to yell at him. He broke my heart, but you. You saved me.”

God. You hated this. You hated lying to Jake but you were trying to keep yourself alive just until he was leaving.

“No. I’m done with this. I’m done with you running to him. No more lunch dates, ever. No more going to see Jack. No more helping Aaron. No more talking to Sean or anyone else that Aaron knows. From now on, it’s only you or I. I will hire someone to shop for us. I will get the dry cleaning if I have to. You’ll go to work, drop Mason off at daycare, and come home. That’s only where you’re allowed to go. I’ll know if you go somewhere and when I find out, I’ll be worse than I am now. I’ll really kill you.”

“Jake, please.”

“Shut up, bitch!”

Jake hit you harder. A punch that felt like you were seeing stars. You don’t know if you were knocked out, but you just closed your eyes and kept them closed, trying to fight off what else was coming your way from him.

You know you were bleeding, you could feel it coming down your head. You know you were crying. You know he was only getting madder. That’s why you were thankful that he got a phone call and that his friend was there to pick him up from their flight.

Leaving you behind, on the kitchen floor of your home, you slowly stood up, watching him get in his coworker’s car and watching the car take off down the street, you broke down crying. You needed to leave him. You had two weeks away from him. That was two weeks to get everything you and Mason needed out of the house and start a new life. You were doing it. You had finally had enough.

You grabbed your phone from the counter and called Aaron. Praying he would pick up as you were still trying to stop the bleeding from your head.

“Aaron, please. Please. Please pick up. Please, I need you right now. Please.”

You were saying a silent prayer, just waiting for him to answer.

“Hel-”

“Aaron, I need you to get Mason and I. Please. I need you, please. My address is still the same. Please, come fast.”

*****

He couldn’t even begin to read the next letter, just trying to make sure he was in the clear of throwing up before starting again. Then he got a phone call from you. It sounded like you were crying. He needed to get to you and he needed to get to you fast.

He threw money on the counter and placed the letter in the box, sprinting to his car, throwing the box in the back, and putting on his lights and sirens. He broke every law to make sure he got to you. When he pulled into your driveway, he got out of his car, and ran up to the door. He knocked on it. Probably, ore times than he needed to and probably way louder than you would have wanted him to.

When you opened the door, he saw your face. You watched the way he went from concerned to filled with rage quickly. He grabbed his gun and stepped inside your house, not caring if he had an invite in. From the looks of you, he had probable cause.

“Aaron. Put that away. He’s gone. He left. His friend picked them up, he’s going on a business trip. Aar-”

You broke down crying. All he could do was just grab your body and pull you into his. He was trying to take in everything that had happened to you within the very few hours you two had been apart. He was trying to see more cuts, bruises, and marks on you that he hadn’t seen before.

He saw the blood. He saw the busted lip. He saw the handprint on your face. He saw the way your body shook so hard in his arms. It killed him. Jake did this to you. Aaron wanted to console you for as long as he could, until you hadn’t mentioned anything about Mason.

“Where’s Mason, y/n? Where is he? Is he okay?”

“He’s. He’s upstairs. He’s sleeping.”

You began to control your breathing, just so you could stand up and begin to move upstairs toward Mason’s room. Aaron knew he had to get you to a hospital. This had to be documented. You were going to get full custody of Mason, he’ll make sure of it. But Jake had to be put in jail for what he did.

“I’m going to get you more ice and pack a diaper bag for Mason. I’m going to take you to the hospital. You need to get stiched and we’re going to file a police report. We’re going to do it together.”

“Aaron, no. It’s fine.”

“No, I’m not letting you tell me it’s fine when you call me to get you and Mason. I’m not going to let this go when you’ve just been beaten. You wanted help, please just let me help you. It’s going to be scary, but it won’t be any scarier than the hell you’ve been put through. So, please. I’m asking that you go get Mason. Pack a bag for him. I’ll get all his bottles. Grab some pajamas for yourself and some clothes for a couple of days. Some clothes for Mason. Once we’re done at the hospital you’re coming back to my apartment. I have an extra bedroom. If needed, I’ll let Jack sleep with me and you can put Mason in Jack’s room. I’m firm on this. Let me take care of you. Let me help you.”

You just wiped your tears and nodded at Aaron, which he nodded back, trying to hold his tears back from seeing you so upset. So broken. So vulnerable.

Aaron was right. You needed help. This was it. If Jake comes home tomorrow and apologizes, fine. But you cannot go back to him because you’ll be in that cycle that you’ve been in for the past 10 years. But how many times of that cycle do you have to keep repeating before enough is enough?

Aaron’s helping you break that cycle. That cycle of abuse is ending tonight.

Next Part

tagging: @8crazy-freak8 @angelmather1 @rousethemouse​ @lex13cm​ @mrs-ssa-hotch​ @camilahotchner 

[star-going-supernova]

Can you write some badass Gregory? In the games nobody was really around to witness him surviving and doing an awesome job for a child so maybe get everyone’s reactions?

Gregory doing an insanely impressive thing without thinking:

The animatronics & Vanessa: !!!!

Freddy clutching his chest: that’s my superstar!!

This is tumblr generated prompt number 65 and marks the halfway point of this round! I’m a big fan of competent/bamf Gregory, enough so that I feel like I’m running out of slightly plausible scenarios to put this kid in to highlight that, lol. I ended up repurposing the premise of an old ficlet that I never finished, so, context: there’s a handful of kids trapped in the pizzaplex that Vanny’s looking to pick off one by one, like a game. Gregory’s thirteen here!

title taken from an old short story of the same name

The Most Dangerous Game

Gregory silently grit his teeth together, legs aching from how long he’d been crouching in place. Behind him were the two younger kids he’d found—seven-year-old Jenna and ten-year-old Delaney. He didn’t know how many of them were trapped inside the pizzaplex; he didn’t know how many were dead already. 

“Okay,” he whispered as Roxy finally disappeared into the east arcade. “Ready?” 

Both girls nodded, their fingers tightly linked together. Jenna was crying. He wanted nothing more than to get there somewhere safe, or as safe as any place could be in this hellhole. 

He took Jenna’s other hand, keeping her between him and Delaney, and then he pulled them out of the photo booth they’d been huddled in for ages. To the younger kids’ credit, they kept up with him and did so quietly as he ran as fast as he dared to the escalators. Gregory kept a careful eye on the arcade entrance, but it stayed Roxy-free as they cautiously started down the steps. 

He dared to breathe a sigh of relief when they reached the middle level, but they kept going. He was aiming for the ground floor. 

Their ultimate goal was the daycare. Sun was odd, not murderous, and hopefully by the time Cassie was done with him, whatever weird glitch had him so twitchy and at-odds with his other half would be fixed. 

As much as he hated it, as much as he wanted to keep all of them with him where he could protect them himself, Gregory had to leave the girls behind if he was going to find and rescue as many kids as he could. He’d already seen one too-young dead body. He refused to stand by and let the crazy bunny lady get to another. For that, he needed to move fast. He couldn’t do that with tag-alongs. 

Their little trio reached the ground floor without alerting anyone to their presence, which was all Gregory could have asked for. His eyes automatically scanned their immediate surroundings for a hiding place, even as he hurried them along to get out of the extremely exposed atrium. 

Their luck ran out before they could find cover. He heard the heavy, clunking footsteps first, rushing closer. In addition to the character animatronics, the bunny lady had unleashed a horde of creepy endoskeletons to hunt her victims down. 

There was something uniquely terrifying about the skeletal, wide-eyed robot bearing down on them. Its face was so blank, and unlike the band, they didn’t speak. 

Gregory blew out a sharp breath and herded the girls toward the wall before going to meet the robot head-on. He freed his sole weapon from his makeshift belt holster: a crowbar, snatched from the construction area around the raceway. 

The only silver lining with the robots was that they were dumber than a box of rocks. The endo just rushed for Gregory, not even trying to dodge when he wound up and swung. It might have looked intimidating with its wide shoulders and large hands, but there were so many delicate wires and moving parts exposed along its spine and clavicle.

The crowbar’s hooked end tore through a lot of that, leaving the endoskeleton twitching. He lashed out, kicking one of its ball-jointed knees backward. It collapsed sideways, sparks flying, and Gregory clubbed the back of its head until it had stopped moving. 

Sliding the crowbar away, Gregory gave himself a little shake to loosen up his tense shoulders, then hurried back to the girls. They stared at him with wide, awed eyes,

“Whoa,” Jenna whispered. 

“That was awesome!” Delaney whisper-shouted. 

Gregory smiled weakly. “Thanks. Now, c’mon. We’ve gotta keep moving.” 

They both nodded, and he was at least a little gratified that neither of them looked quite so scared. Dodging STAFF bots by the dozens, their progress was slow but steady. At Gregory’s direction, during their one close encounter, they scooted along the floor, hidden by a large walled planter, staying out of Chica’s sight. 

It was the tensest game of hide and seek Gregory had ever played. 

But at last, they slipped through the doors into the hall outside the daycare. The home stretch. 

Just as Gregory carefully closed the doors, a child’s scream echoed through the pizzaplex. He froze, instinct tearing him in two. He wanted to rush out there and find and help whoever’d probably just been caught. But he couldn’t leave Jenna and Delaney behind, not when they were so close to being safe-ish. 

Biting back curses, he took their hands and rushed them through the hall to the door to the actual daycare room. 

“Are you gonna go save them?” Delaney asked. Jenna looked to be on the verge of tears again. 

“I’m gonna do my best,” Gregory swore. “But I have to make sure you guys are okay first.” 

Delaney nodded, and Jenna sniffled and asked, “Will you come back?”

She was too young for him to make a morbid joke that only death could keep him away. “Yeah,” he said. “I’ll come back, and I’ll bring more kids when I do.” 

He hoped he wasn’t setting himself up to be a liar. 

The daycare was still brightly lit, and Gregory rushed to the railing. “Cassie?” he hissed, loud as he dared. 

“I’m here!” she called. “I’m in the play structure with Eclipse.” 

He paused in his move toward the slide. “With who?”

Her shrug was audible. “Whatever I did to fix Sun and Moon brought out Eclipse. He’s nice, promise, and way more, uh, reasonable, I guess.” 

Gregory ushered Jenna and Delaney down the slide. Eclipse, apparently, was waiting at the edge of the ball pit. “Welcome, welcome,” he said cheerfully, but Gregory could hear some well-hidden tension. As he gently lifted the girls out, he said to Gregory, “You must be Cassie’s friend! She’s told me a lot about you.” 

Gregory leaned up over the ledge, waving at Cassie, who was indeed inside the play structure. Delaney led Jenna over to one of the ramps that would led up to her. It wasn’t a bad place to hide; she was easily out of sight of anyone who tried to scope out the daycare from the balcony.

He almost wished she could go with him. Cassie would be able to keep up with him and watch his back. Or, she would’ve been able to, if not for the broken leg the crazy lady had given her by dropping her down an elevator shaft. 

“You’re not staying, are you?” Eclipse said. 

Gregory dropped back into the ball pit, already sidling toward the slide to climb out. “There’s more kids out there,” he explained helplessly. “Someone’s got to help them.” 

“You’re a kid, star-shine.” 

Gregory pressed his lips together and didn’t say anything. 

Eclipse sagged in place. 

“Keep them safe,” Gregory demanded. “Lock the doors, don’t trust any adults until this place opens up in the morning.” 

“No one will touch them,” Eclipse promised, hand over his heart, or where a heart would be. “I hope I see you again soon, Gregory.” 

“Yeah,” he muttered, ducking into the slide and scrambling up it, sneakers squeaking. “Me too.” 

[cryptomiracle]

Blue aura ( eyeless jack x reader)

EJ WON THE POLL WHOOP WHOOPP

I decided to do a story, instead of headcanons lol.

Also I thought I should mention, after this I'm probably gonna take a break from requests.

(I'm not gonna close them, but I won't be answering them)

Not a long one, just a mini break so I can come up with more ideas for hcs and short stories, also so I can do some research on this one character someone requested me to do <33

WARNINGS:

Mention of injury, breaking and interning, missing persons, etc.

(I hc that his sight is not the best, cause well yk.. but he can see auras, and lights, although he can't make out facial features that well, he also goes off of scent, that's how he finds most of his victims)

Eyeless jacks POV:

He was out at night, strolling through the little town you so happened to live in, that also happened to be surrounded by a forest.

What a coincidence, huh?

He'd been camping out in the woods, only coming out to get necessities, like food, water, bedding, bandages, etc.

As he was walking down the street, the hood of his jacket covering his head, he noticed a gas station, the LED lights read "Marty's stop n shop".

The store looked run down, if it wasn't for the dim lighting, and barely stocked shelves, you'd think it was abandoned.

"Perfect.." he thought to myself

After months of having to break into stores, store owners started going all out with their security measures.

Even going as far as hiring security guards.

That's how he got here, all beat up, maybe even a few broken bones.

If he was still human, he'd be in the back of a cop car, headed to the emergency room right now. But luckily, because of his inhuman abilities, he's able to heal 10x faster than normal.

After fleeing the scene, he decided to come to a questionable gas station, to get some bandages, and a very stiff drink.

As he got closer, he peaked through the window to see a human behind the counter, their aura, a bright blue.

(Which is his favorite color *wink wink*)

He decided wait it out until they left.

also because of the fact he doesn't have enough strength to fight right now.

So there he was, sitting in the bushes, patiently waiting for them to leave.

Y/NS POV:

It was 12 am, your shift was nearly over, you were waiting for your coworker mark to show up so you could go home, and finally get some sleep.

You blankly stared at the magazine I'm your hands, dark eye bags under your eyes.

A familiar voice came from the tv, drawing your attention, you looked up to see mrs mitchell, marks mother.

"a family of 4 are currently searching for their oldest son, a Craig Williamson, sources say he was last seen walking back to his dorm at 8:45 last Friday, If you have any information, please call your local police department, or contact us at __________"

Then the news anchor went back to talking about the same boring things that go on in this little town.

Business was the same as usual, horrible.

The most customers you'd get in a day was about 20-25.

You were surprised how the store had stayed open this long, I mean it's been open since you were a kid, and even then, it was basically abandoned.

Suddenly, the lights went out

Making you feel uneasy.

Y/n: "stupid lights.."

You sighed as you got up, and tried to make your way to the front door.

You finally made it to the door, the bells jingling as you pushed it open.

The cold night breeze hit you from behind, making any stray hairs go everywhere.

You continued walking, old beer cans, and cigarette butts littered the parking lot.

You finally made it to the side of the building, where the electric box is.

You opened it up to see a mixture, of cords, levers, and buttons.

That's when it hit you.

You have no clue how to work this thing.

"Shit." You mumbled

You moved around the building, facing the road, and slid down the side of the wall, the only light coming from the moon, and the auto part store across the street.

You pulled out your phone, it read 3%

You decided to save your battery, considering you may need it.

You closed your eyes and breathed in, the only noise being the crickets, and the wind hitting the branches of the trees.

It was peaceful.

*SNAP*

You quickly opened your eyes to the sound of something snapping, you looked around, but you didn't see anyone.

You stood up so that you could see better, you scanned the area for a minute, when a few bushes to your left started shaking, you snapped your head towards the sound.

After a while of standing there a while, you decided to check it out.

You turned on the flashlight of your phone and started slowly walking towards the bushes.

As you got closer, they moved once again, making you step back.

You finally got the courage to get close enough to see.

Your heart was racing,and your hands were shaking.

You squated down, and peered through the limbs.

Only to find nothing there.

You let out a sigh of relief.

You saw your coworkers car pulling into the parking lot, slowing down as he saw you.

He came to a stop, right beside you, he rolled down his window, and gave you a confused look.

Mark: "what the hell are you doing skeeter?"

He's called you "skeeter" ever since you were kids, you don't exactly know why, all you know is that it annoys you.

A lot.

You and mark grew up together, your parents were friends, but you kinda hated each other.

And now you work together.

Y/n: "I uh-.. I thought I heard something in the bushes."

He slightly turned his head, as he adverted his eyes to the bushes.

Mark: "well I don't see anythin'"

You sighed.

Mark: "and what happened to the lights??"

His confused look morphed into an annoyed one.

Y/n: "I dunno, they went out about 15 minutes ago."

Mark: "and you didn't try to turn em on?"

You stood up and turned to face him

Y/n: "I don't know how to work the box thingy."

You were tired, still uneasy, and ready to clock out.

his sudden attitude didn't help any.

Mark: "I don't have a clue why Mr Smith still lets you work here, you don't know how to do jack shit."

Y/n: "and you do?"

Mark: "uh, yeah? You don't see all the work I do??"

Y/n: "you only do stuff whenever you want a raise, and the only reason you still work here is cause Mr Smith is dating your aunt Sara."

Mark: "..."

He looked away, and took his foot off the break.

Mark: "well, I guess I'll be seeing you."

Y/n: "mhm.."

He sped up, and pulled into a parking space.

You sighed once more before making your way to your car

Once you got there, you pulled out your keys, and unlocked the drivers side.

You turned your head back to where the bushes were.

Only this time, you caught a glimpse of something, or someone..

I may or may not make a part 2, but please don't expect this to be a series, or very long 😭

The most this will get is maybe 4-6 parts.

TY FOR READING <33

[ell-vellan]

WIP Wednesday

I haven't done one of these in a long time because it feels like everything I write lately is dull and boring, but I'm trying to break out of the little box I've put myself in.

Tagging a few people who I thought might have a bit of work to share, but no pressure: @thebookworm0001 @the-grandest-plan @thegoblinwitchqueen

And please take this as an excuse to post your WIP even if I didn't tag you!

Content warning: this is a "should we have a baby? and how?" conversation between El/Bull with...unconventional options, lol. so it's under the cut!

They'd talked about it, just the once. When El had gotten her courage up and tentatively asked what he’d meant that time, way back in the beginning, that they didn’t have to worry about pregnancy. 

Bull had explained the way tamassrans perform a reversible sterilization procedure on every Qunari when they got their assignments around age 12 as though it were a normal mark of growing up. Something like her vallaslin. The tamassrans, of course, would not allow any unauthorized reproduction under the Qun. Everything was strategically, meticulously planned, even the bloodlines of their people. Children were not simply born, but created with a purpose already in mind. Breeding stock. Like her people did with halla.

Unless they were specifically chosen later in life to be part of the breeding program and the procedure undone, there would never be any accidents or surprises, he'd told her. 

She hadn't expected the strange mix of emotions that welled up in her throat, choking her. Couldn’t control the strong reaction from showing on her face that arose before she could hide it.

“Hey, hey, come here,” Bull said with surprise as he pulled her into his arms. “I'm sorry, El, I should've explained a long time ago. This conversation usually comes up earlier. Or not at all.”

“No, I’m fine.” She shook her head and tried to step out of his arms, but he wouldn't let her leave. “It’s not like it was a surprise. It's just..."

“There was a reason you asked."

El sighed. “It's foolish. Go ahead, you can say it. I know. Obviously I should ever have expected…Of course we can’t have children. What a ridiculous notion. I mean, at the very least, our jobs--”

“It’s okay,” Bull murmured. “You’re allowed to want stuff for yourself, El.”

“I want you. That's enough. I shouldn’t still be holding onto silly dreams from childhood. Yet somehow...until just now, I hadn't yet confronted the fact that my life will never be as I once thought it would."

She was irrevocably on a different path. Even if she could have a family with Bull, it wouldn't be a Dalish one.

“Your future looks a little different than you imagined,” Bull finished quietly. “I know. Same here.”

“Nothing about my life now is how I imagined it. Not just this. It's not the first time my plans have had to change.”

Bull made an unhappy sound. “You want kids, though? Even if it’s a ways down the line?”

Ellawyn hesitated. “I want children in the same way I want most other impossible things. I want to be rid of this anchor in my hand. I want to not be Inquisitor. I want my normal life back. It's just yet another reminder that my life isn’t my own…But it doesn't quite matter what I want. I’ve learned better than to make plans.”

He made another sound of dismay. “Yeah, but this is one thing that’s not impossible for you. And I don't like you giving up shit you wanted from life. You already got dealt a crappy hand with everything else. The war's over, the Inquisition doesn't need you anymore. You can do whatever."

She turned in his lap to face him, her expression grave. “You’re acting as though this is still possible. When you just told me that it isn't.”

Bull hesitated. “I...could get it reversed." Slowly, deliberately neutral. A statement of fact, not necessarily an offer. "It's possible, in theory. Tamassrans leave that option open on purpose."

She stared at him. “But you don’t want to.”

“That’s not what I said.”

“But it's what you think.”

Bull looked at her, lips pressed tight, and exhaled a sigh through his nose. “I’m wary, is all. It’d be dangerous for you. And there’s no guarantee it would even work.”

And then he told her there was another option. 

She balked, immediately. “You want me to sleep with someone else?”

Bull held up his hands placatingly. “Only way to have an elven baby is for that baby to have two elven parents,” Bull said evenly, watching her carefully. “You told me how precious elven children are in your culture. And I’m not the jealous type. You know that.”

“But…” 

Everything felt weak and watery inside her. He was right. She couldn't have an elven baby and Bull’s. It wasn't possible. 

She would have to choose.

Bull was entirely too calm. “I'm saying it's an option I'm okay with, that's all. Not something you have to do. And nobody's saying you have to decide anything right now, either."

[the-kipsabian]

god this got so much longer than i intended im so sorry oof

i am admittedly very fascinated by kips gear design (so much so in fact that i straight up asked him if we could ever hear process or design notes about it lmao), so i had some of my own thoughts honestly

im gonna make this in chronological order cause its easier to explain the reasoning that way, so i hope it makes sense but

so we have to go back to the last of the superbad designs first

i cannot for the life of me find a photo of the backside of the gear, but i literally rewatched arcade anarchy for research for this as thats one match i can name from the top of my head where he wears this, and it holds no relevancy (apart from the 'superbad' text on the ass) to what im gonna talk about later, so

but yeah.. i have no explanation for this design choice tbh lol. im pretty sure most of this was just "because he liked the colors and it looked cool", its mostly an aesthetic choice afaik. which, admittedly, it is. its really fucking pretty. the only thing i can say from the top of my head is the drip effect on the top of the tights, as that was in some previous superbad shorts, so thats a recycled thing (and will continue to be, so its good to point out here). likewise the non-matching kneepads, tho interestingly enough the side of the one with images changes as we move on, which. i'll talk about a bit later

i just wanted to point this one out cause it has some elements that keep on appearing later, and also cause its pretty. longboy supremacy 💜

moving onto the return/boxman gear

the boxman gear holds up some of the old design choices - the different kneepads, the drip effect, at this point he also had mismatching kickpads which i found extremely interesting (especially after realizing this was a repeat design choice. like if you look at them, the right one has a light pattern on it but the left one doesnt. and then compare those to the superbad kickpads. same thing). and yeah the superbad text still remains on the ass, which i find kinda funky considering he literally right up to the reveal of this new look went around ripping into his old self so. hmm. tho this is a point im gonna bring up in the collective thoughts later, so put a pin on it

but. theres a few things i wanna focus on here. mainly the clearly toned down color scheme - the more wine red, black and white is clearly toned down from whatever that aesthetic mess was before. but it works, especially later with the colored hair. i dont know the significance of it apart from him just really liking those colors so he wanted to use them (which i believe he has mentioned off-hand before so im just pulling this from my memory idk), but im mentioning them now to talk about it later a bit more when we get to the current design

also the big head on the side. this is more relevant later, again, with how it changes from design to design, but its interesting to see that despite moving on from his "previous self", hes still carrying that image with him. sure its a bit more updated, but the base for the superbad is there and used for it. like i get it that its a logo thing, but still. it sure is a choice

and thennnnn the kneepads. cause this is where i feel like the interesting shit starts (before we move on to current look which is what really prompted this whole thought process). see, there used to be a kip head there. now its a question mark. which has been imagery he used a lot during the boxman era both before and after his return, even to the point where there was a question mark on the back of the box (with the word 'back', yes, but the question mark was still very much there. omnipresent, if you will, as was the boxman himself). it feels like a nod about forgetting, abandoning to your old self and searching for something new, searching for yourself again. to me this looks like a sign of 'who am i/who was i' type of deal, like its such a deliberate choice of where its put - and yes i know the knees change between this and the previous design, but i feel like the point still stands. even more so with the swapped knee tbh, being so lost trying to find yourself you make mistakes. i know this is a reach but bear with me lmao

I ALSO ACTUALLY HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THE KICKPADS CAUSE I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING

look at this. look at it. so i mentioned before that the different patterning on the kickpads, right? well its only on the right side. which is also the only side with the drip effect on it. and look at the kickpad. the pattern shows better in the ddt photo lighting, but what does that look like? its kinda like a blood splatter. and knowing at this point in time, for this character, kip was doing character studies and consuming media etc. about characters that were most often serial killers or otherwise similarly deranged... yeah baby this is a nod to that you cant tell me otherwise!!

and then some choices i just wanna mention cause i think they're interesting but i have no fucking idea what they mean or why they are there lmao. apart from the 'time changes us all' text on the right side, thats pretty obvious (and plays to everything else ive pointed out so far actually) as well as the fact that instead of a few selected fingers, he started taping almost all of them (wedding band my beloved). that one i know he has mentioned was an aesthetic choice cause he liked it (also it might have something to do with him previously having dislocated a finger mid match sssooooo)

but anyways

i just really wanna talk about the lacing of the kickpad. yeah, just the one. cause i really dont know why, but im completely in love with the asymmetry of this design choice, its very similar to the one patterned kneepad. its also made into a more obvious one as time goes on i think, cause its barely visible in the return match at all in zero hour, but just few months down the line its fully visible and you can even see it in the promo pictures, the bow end of it just dangling about. i just honestly think its really cute, but also relevant to, again, the current design so im gonna talk about it more later

..and then i just offhand wanted to mention. this. cause i dont know what the fuck this is or why its a choice in this design but. it is. so here you go have fun lmao

(like in speculation i had a quick thought that MAYBE its trying to match pennys new gears garter belt style, as its just about the same spot, and since they did kinda matching styled gear? but thats literally all i got. i got so distracted by this fucking thing and i have no idea what it is. i hate it now, thats all i know lmao) anyways, moving on! current design yay!!

so what i find the most interesting here, compared to the two others, is lack of color. honestly i think the grayscale works wonderfully with the rest of the design choices as well as his current look, but seeing him go from the previously colored design to this just sparked a thought in me.. tho idk how much of that actually plays into this design choice, considering this was done before he started the transition more away from what the boxman had become with the 'underrated and over it' gimmick and hes moving towards a much more confident version of himself again (sex idol, anyone?), but hes trying to prove something here. less flash in design, more flash in character, if that makes sense. also, classic villain look, black and white and cheesy blond 80s hair. i love him

the drips are also to the minimum now for some reason, and the splat pattern on the kickpad is gone. which is sad cause i really loved that detail, but again, minimalism, more classical and clean look. it still works, but i miss it. i also just like it how all the text is easier to look now, while that font just has the creep vibes. this whole set up feels like a homage to old black and white horror movies tbh, now that i think about it which i absolutely would not put past him

whichhhhh leads us to the first big point i wanted to make with this one - the mask on the side that now entirely replaces the previous kip heads. he very briefly brought it up as part of the two episode stint they did in ddt in february this year with penny, and there was like a single photoshoot in aew with it

and then it was never brought up again. which i believe is cause kip said once that he was waiting for a good opportunity and a longer storyline to bring it out for its full potential. which, sadly never happened as i believe he has now plans to move on from it (and possibly return to the box? we shall see, but thats what he said he wanted to do, so), but i find it interesting that its chosen as the new logo to replace the original kip head on the tights, but yet the box logo design remains on both the front and the back of the jacket (which i didnt bring up here as while i love the design, it holds no relevancy in these cases im talking about here, apart from this one) and the actual mask is never seen on screen

the second thing i wanna talk about is the text on the back. previous two designs have said 'superbad', this one says 'the gallery' - for uninformed, this was(/is?) the unofficial team name of kip, butcher, blade, bunny and penelope. although i believe they are more or less now coining the name 'deadly alliance', but since neither is official... anyways, i just wanna point it out that hes moving on from singling and acknowledging himself only, and moving more into team territory here, which is an interesting touch. especially for someone who can often be viewed as a mastermind behind the things he makes his little henchmen do. hmmm (i could talk about this alliance forever but im gonna spare you, let it just be known that i dont think they are on as equal standings within this group as they might let you believe or think themselves lmao. like kip is obviously leading this bunch of killers but thats a whole another tangent. its just an interesting thought in the relation to him now having a team name on the gear [especially when in the meantime both butcher and blade i believe just have their names SO])

and finally! the actual thing that made me wanna write this whole four fucking hours long operation!! the color splash details!!!

these. the lacing. its the only colorful thing in these pants and it has sparkled so many thoughts in me god. like i obviously see how these were easy to recycle from the previous design (although they are different laces so. theres also that. which makes this an even more deliberate choice), and keeping the colors consistent by making the two similar pieces the same color. this also can be tied together to the horror movie theme still, as while we lack blood splatters overall, we do have these here. in red. which i feel like is an important detail

i do want to, however, talk about why i thought this was so important and what it sparked in me. now, this might be the part where im fucking reaching and reading too much into this, but.. in this transition towards something new and something else, few former pieces remain, although they change along the way. the kneepads are still similar, the pants are still pinstriped, the red laces are there, the kickpads are similar, minor changes to some of the designs, etc.. the basics are the same, but it swaps to new things over time, as we move on

whats the saying thats hes using as a catchphrase and a hashtag everywhere again?

embrace the change

so you see. hes embracing it. hes moving on. hes changing. little by little, things are different, but hes making the active role in accepting it and making them happen. hes still the same old underneath, just the perception to outside and how its viewed is different. the patterns change. the colors change. the names, the phrases, the looks. they all change, hes embracing it, but it all comes down to the same old, because thats the thing; even if youre moving on, you cant forget your roots. cause whats the other, a bit lesser known saying?

time doesnt heal; it changes you

thank you for coming to my tedtalk

[sparkymalone]

Okay, today sucked, but I finally made my list! The first part kinda ended up just being a story outline, but whatever!

HEADCANONS FOR THE KUZURYU HAREM AU:

Fuyuhiko and Natsumi are twins

Peko is their adopted sister

All the “tool” stuff still happened, but Peko is very slowly learning her own self-worth

Natsumi is alive, obviously lol

Hajime and Natsumi are in the same class

Most of their classmates are afraid to stand up to Natsumi, because she's in the yakuza

Hajime isn't, though, and he calls her out on shit sometimes

Natsumi is surprised, but intrigued

She starts hanging around him all the time and the two of them form an unlikely friendship

She invites him to her house one day

Hajime meets Fuyuhiko and Peko

Blurts out, “Jeez, is everyone in your family hot?” like a dumbass

Reactions are varied

Natsumi is laughing her ass off

Fuyuhiko is flustered as hell

Peko is kind of confused, but flattered

Hajime wants to die

But they get over it and have fun hanging out

All three of them take a liking to Hajime (platonically, at first)

They hang out a lot as a group

But after a while, they end up all trying to get more of Hajime's attention

Even Peko, which surprises everyone, including her

The fight for Hajime's attention gets more aggressive

The siblings all start inviting him to hang out one-on-one

Hajime is confused, but happy that he has three cool friends

Eventually Natsumi realizes that she likes Hajime romantically

She tells Fuyuhiko and Peko, hoping that it will get them to back off

But her admitting her feelings makes the other two realize that they also like Hajime romantically

The three of them fight for a bit

They decide to all confess to Hajime together and let him choose who he likes

When they do, though, Hajime is completely dumbfounded

Had no idea shit was getting romantic

He doesn't want to pick any of them until he has a chance to reevaluate his feelings for them

So he wants to wait to give them an answer

The siblings begrudgingly agree

But Natsumi and Fuyuhiko are impatient

So it doesn't take long for them to try to sway his decision

Both of them start flirting with him all the time

Even Peko starts coming on to Hajime, in her own way

But she has no idea how to flirt lol

The twins get more and more aggressive with their advances

Leading to a lot of sexy situations lmao

Antics ensue

Actual headcanons:

Natsumi feels extra bitter about Hajime not immediately picking her, since he was her friend first

Fuyuhiko didn't admit to himself that he was gay until he developed feelings for Hajime

Peko is struggling between her efforts to see herself as a person and her desire to make the twins happy

Hajime has no idea how he ended up in this scenario with three love interests, but he likes it

Natsumi likes to make Hajime take her on dates where he has to pay

Fuyuhiko prefers to pay for Hajime when they go out

And Peko prefers to stay in

All three of them steal Hajime's sweatshirts constantly

Hajime can never find a jacket when it's cold, because they've all been stolen

All three siblings have tried to cook for Hajime at different times, with varying results

Natsumi made a great meal that Hajime loved

Fuyuhiko burnt everything, but Hajime pretended to love it anyway

Peko followed instructions on a box and it was fine, so Hajime told her he loved it

Hajime tends to “accidentally” find their underwear sometimes

But he has definitely never done anything… weird… with it (⁠ ͡⁠°⁠ ͜⁠ʖ⁠ ͡⁠°⁠)

Hajime's neck and shoulders are covered in bite marks

Meanwhile the twins are covered in hickies

Peko is classy, so hers are underneath her clothes lmao

Natsumi and Fuyuhiko are both super loud during sexy times

Peko is much quieter

Also Peko prefers not to do much sexy stuff

Natsumi will insult and talk shit to Hajime right up until his dick is in her lmao

Fuyuhiko will insult Hajime around the others, but when they're alone he's much sweeter

Peko doesn't intentionally insult Hajime, but her bluntness can lead to inadvertent insults

The three of them will casually compare their experiences with Hajime, including all the dirty details

Natsumi once asked Hajime whose boobs he liked better, and he answered “Fuyuhiko” just to be an asshole 

More to be added maybe? idk

[rileys-battlecats]

tumblr kept eating my response to this ask so I'm making a separate post to see if that solves the problem!!

I recommend by starting with the technical aspects of perspective and environments! which does not sound fun. and I might even go so far as to say it is not fun at all. But!! It is important!! Once you get the hang of drawing things in perspective with Math™, you can start doing all this free-handed! So if you feel up to some extra art homework, get yourself a sheet of paper and a ruler >:)

There's two kinds of perspective that I can tell you about, one-point perspective and two-point perspective. I'll go with one-point cause it's easier to explain haha

Below I've provided a picture of some of my own drawing homework from a class I took a few years back!! Annotated for clarity lol

So here we've got your Horizon Line (HL) , your Measuring Line (ML), your Central Vanishing Point (CVP), your Vanishing Point Left (VPL), and your Vanishing Point Right (VPR)!

Your HL determines where your horizon is in your drawing, which in most cases will be about halfway up your page! You can adjust this to fit your needs though, depending on where you want your point of view to be :)

The CVP is where your HL and ML intersect! The VPL and VPR are the "edges of your canvas" as it were—anything past these points start to get distorted, perspective-wise.

Your ML is the mvp of Math Perspective Drawing, and you're gonna want a ruler/measuring stick for it! The ML is in the center of your paper. Make some marks at regular intervals (in my drawing here they are all 1 inch apart, but they can be larger or smaller on yours!) up and down your ML. Then, using the same measurement, make marks along the HL. At the bottom of your page, leaving a bit of room below, make those same marks (aligned with the ones on the HL, so that if you connected them, they would make straight vertical lines).

Next step is starting The Grid™

From each mark made on the bottom of your page, draw connecting lines to the CVP (shown in red below)

Now, make a line from the bottom right corner of your "canvas" to the VPL (shown below in purple). Where the purple line intersects with the red lines of our half-formed grid is what determines where our horizontal lines of The Grid™ are located (indicated by light blue x's)!

So now we have a grid!! Woo!! Things have started to get a little messy so I'm removing my homework from the background. goodbye homework o7

This grid is what enables us to start drawing in perspective! If you wanna skip all the set up feel free to just. Screenshot what I've got here and use that for drawing on lol

Now we can draw BOXES. cubes, even!! And by learning how to translate other shapes onto the faces of these boxes, you can learn how to draw other things in perspective, like cylinders (seen on the left in pink). There are specific methods for drawing other volumes in perspective, but this post is long enough as is without me going into it haha

Using this knowledge, you can make all sorts of backgrounds!! Here's a super simple example (plus kitty, of course)

Once you've practiced using perspective, here's a few other miscellaneous tips!

Think about the location you're drawing. What would you find there? Is it a forest, a city, a field? Should there be trees? Boulders? Buildings?

Practice drawing different locations from life (or from photos). I cannot overstate how much this helps lol

Make some objects to distinguish Foreground, Midground, and Background. This is where perspective helps you! Once you can clearly distinguish between these three, your backgrounds start to feel deeper, if that makes sense?

Think about ways to make the ground uneven. Dips or hills in the landscape, small ridges/ledges, whatever fits for the location! Even in places with flat ground like an urban landscape, try to distinguish different levels in the ground, like from the sidewalk to the road. A lot of times, it makes the background more interesting to look at!

[kingkatsuki]

JO it’s been awhile since i’ve been in your ask box lol hope you’re doing well. I heard this crazy (it’s actually a little sad but funny from an outside view ngl) office story at dinner tn and it made me think of all the times you’ve talked about secretary/office reader

Sooooooo imagine you’ve been working at the office for a couple months but before your started working you were going through a really nasty divorce/breakup with someone who happened to work at the same place. They were SO nasty (vile honestly) that they decided to send an official work email with nude pictures and videos of you with your name and work email to ALL OF YOUR COWORKERS!! (again i felt really bad for the poor girl this happened to). Not only was it traumatizing that your coworkers saw, but more so that you’d never seen a lot of these pictures before. To think that you had been in a committed relationship with such a disgusting person.

I’m thinking you work at different job and you tell Katsuki because you’re too embarrassed to go back to work and face your coworkers. He gets so so livid and threatens to get back at him, but he obviously gets shut down by you pleading for him to not get involved. He would definitely plot something with Kiri and tell him; Kiri would feel so proud to help Kats beat the shit out of this dude. He might even include Denki and Sero if he had something real sick and specific in mind.

Instead of telling you this, he’d make you come to the agency and you’d do your work in his office. He’d be more excited if it weren’t for the circumstances, but he can’t deny that he loved getting to spend more time with you. Trying to make you forget about the whole thing and overcome together the best he can- might even get Mina and the guys to have lunch at the agency together because he knows they will cheer you up.

I can’t imagine though if you were working at his agency and HE SAW THE EMAIL and maybe you guys weren’t together yet or you just started dating! i’d simply pass away.

Omg this is insane and so fucking malicious.

I’m torn between making it Dynamight’s agency, or making it a different office.

Like imagine you just work at a different office, so the moment you come home to tell Bakugou about it he’s seething. Not only because someone’s done that to you, but because it’s one of the most slimy things you can do to a person. And when you tell him you don’t even recognise some of the pictures he’s even more angry, because that means he’s been taking all sorts of illicit pictures or videos of you and who’s to say how many there are. He knows with his power and influence in the city he can ruin this guys life with one call, but he wants him to truly suffer. So of course he goes to fuck the guy up, he doesn’t even need to call the guys but he does, because he knows they’ll stop him from going too far.

And then a few days later, he’s sitting in his high rise office and he still makes that call to your job, asking for the CEO as Bakugou asks what he’s going to do about the situation, and what he’s going to do with the employee. Until your boss shuts the phone off, thinking it’s just a prank. So imagine his surprise when the number two hero Dynamight shows up in the reception of his agency not even an hour later, even more pissed. And your ex? Is even more terrified now as he sits there with bruised ribs, broken arm and dark marks across his body. Trying to avoid bringing any attention to himself as Bakugou shouts to him to get into the fucking office and he scampers in like a lost puppy.

But if it was Dynamight’s Agency? God, think of how much more worse it would be. When the email chain is sent to everyone, it means everyone. Bakugou pulling up his laptop to click the email full off attachments as he scrolls through each one. Of course he knows who you are the moment he sees your name, probably one of the few names in his agency that he remembers. And not because you’re close or that your job is a highly important one, but because you always seem to take your coffee breaks at the same time as him. (Bakugou 100% ensures to schedule his around yours because he loves the conversations you end up having at random hours of the day🥺)

But when he sees the pictures of you? He’d be lying if he didn’t look, you’re even prettier than he imagined. He can already feel his heart racing as he scrolls further down and sees more of you, but then he starts feeling the rage creep up inside him. Because you don’t deserve this, no one should be looking at you like this and especially not his entire agency. He’s now looking at the email chain as he tries to find out who sent it, asking his secretary who the fuck your ex-boyfriend is and what department he works in. Bakugou sends an email out in response, threatening to fire anyone that saves any of the pictures or videos, telling them that he’ll get his tech team to check for save files as he stops the email chain from repeating. Anyone that’s already replied is getting fucked too, but not right now. Right now he’s making his way down to the exact department your ex works in, and the only thing Bakugou can say right now is he’s lucky he’s at work and not on the streets because at least for him he’ll make it out alive.

And after Bakugou is so mad at himself for not looking for you first, because he allowed the rage to dictate where he went first. And he steps into the women’s bathroom on the 27th floor with no shame as he instantly hears you crying in one of the stalls as he tries to coax you to open the door for him.

[kafus]

Hi! Im new to pokemon and you seem like the right person to ask, or can direct me to a better person to ask? I want to play every pokemon game but some are just the same game with small differences, right? Is there a list of which are the “ideal” games to play so I can experience it all correctly? I have been looking at the wiki pages but I dont know which pokemon are “better” so Im not sure which games to pick on my own! Thank you! :)

oh hey no problem!!

yeah so pokemon tends to release new games in sets of two, the two games are usually identical aside from certain pokemon that are exclusive to one version or the other, which encourages trading between players. for your purposes, if you're going to try and play every pokemon game, you don't need to play both X and Y for example, just one of the two. additionally sometimes pokemon releases a third version of... once again the same game, with perhaps a few story changes but mainly improvements to mechanics and bug fixes etc - this is more of a remnant of the older titles before DLC/patches were a thing and they don't do this much anymore but i digress. no pokemon between versions are "better", really just comes down to personal preference. most people pick by which box art pokemon they like better (like when diamond and pearl came out i picked diamond because i liked dialga more than palkia lol)

BASICALLY, tldr, if you want to play one of each pokemon game, you want to play the following... if i list two games, that means they don't have a superior third version, just pick the one with the pokemon you like more that's on the box art. i've also marked the games that are remakes in italics, so if you aren't counting remakes you can skip them (though i recommend them, they're usually good on their own merits and feel very different from the originals!)

gen 1: yellow (also has a virtual console release on 3DS)

gen 2: crystal (also has a virtual console release on 3DS)

gen 3: emerald + firered OR leafgreen

gen 4: platinum + heartgold OR soulsilver

gen 5: black OR white + black 2 OR white 2

gen 6: x OR y + omega ruby OR alpha sapphire

gen 7: ultra sun OR ultra moon + let's go pikachu OR let's go eevee

gen 8: sword OR shield + brilliant diamond OR shining pearl + legends arceus

gen 9: scarlet OR violet

the above list should take you through the key games of every generation without repeats. i hope this helps i'm flattered to be of service for this problem lol i hope you have fun!! if you're still confused or have more questions feel free to ask

[ikemenomegas]

where was the alpha during the whole shibuya arc? Where they also unaliving people like the hot bad bitch they are or were they mainly trying to deal with the elders and providing support from behind the scenes?

And did gojo ever feel his mate removing their mating mark? Also, i have this thought that ive played around in my head for a while, it'd be interesting if the next time gojo meets his mate when he's outside the box, his mate somewhat changed and became more solemn and then gojo gets this deja vu feeling back to when geto acted the same way after gojo was absent a lot because he became more bombarded with missions and now it's happening again to one of the most important people in his life and he slowly gets this foreboding feeling of dread

I'm swinging around this oc like my poor cat hehe. Very pleased that you think they're a hot bad bitch. They're also a total awkward simp, like run into doorways if they see Satoru naked after a shower, so we love someone one can be both lol.

During the Shibuya arc, alpha wasn't ever inside the curtains. I think there's some brief discussion about it, but Satoru tells them not to come with him because this is clearly going to be people batting at his level. The higher-ups also demand that Satoru go alone and he doesn't tend to outright cross them concerning things like this.

Alpha end up keeping an eye on Inumaki and a third year oc (who will be Inumaki's partner). They end up trying to rescue the other auxiliary sorcerers while the curtain is up, and then helping get people out once the curtains go down - so they'd help Nitta extract Nobara and Akari (this means they do see Nanami's body rip) and essentially guard the retreat, up until they're called back to the school. There's probably a fair bit of unaliving things as part of that lol, but this time they're not going hunting for trouble.

(more below the cut because this is a lot to address!)

Gojo would not have felt the mark removal happen while in the box, because the way I'm interpreting the prison realm, is that nothing physical can happen to him in there that he doesn't do to himself. He feels it when he's released though.

I had some options I was toying with for the eventual unboxing before it actually happened:

Because Satoru feels it the moment the box releases him, I think he actually had time to reject the rejection as it were, and decide to maintain the bond. I would love for that to happen because the imagery of blue flame slowly burning away alpha's name back at the family home and then suddenly dissipating leaving their name intact is very pretty to me.

The other thought I had was that if the box was in a place that made releasing Gojo potentially hazardous, alpha would sense his sudden return to the world and feel the bond reform on their neck and hold back Satoru's powers just long enough for him to regain control, almost like stopping an explosion.

The other option is what's been seeming like the more likely option for a while now, which is that Gojo lets the bond break because alpha still wouldn't be safe as Gojo's mate. The last edict from the higher-ups is still technically enforceable, although they don't have the manpower to try rn. It also suits the long standing imagery of Gojo being a bodhisattva.

In the last few chapters, we've seen his major connections to the earth slowly be chipped away - one ward is taken over, the other is dead, his friends and allies have been decimated, his students are slowly becoming strong enough not to need him, and in this au his mate was forced to sever the connection for their own safety, oh and he killed his best friend a year ago and has to fight that body again. That's a lot of loss to pile on the shoulders of even the strongest. And the bodhisattva ascension is only delayed, so there's still a chance he could never have the chance to make new connections because he's well "ascended".

In my happy ending, I want Gojo and alpha to openly get [re]mated after everything is over. I love love "I chose you again and again" type of relationships and choosing to stay with someone is so hard for Gojo because of the implications of loss or attachment in particular that choosing again feels very powerful. He's an incredibly lonely person but it's so difficult to reach out to him because no one, not even Getou, was forced to live the full weight of his experience then and now.

You're not the first person to bring up that from an outsider's perspective, what's happening with alpha is very similar to Getou's pulling back and being forced to acknowledge that no matter what they want, they can't stand side by side with Gojo and have to do things their own way. I've been trying and failing to write their post-unboxing meeting for literal months because it's so difficult to capture.

Mostly because Gojo is someone who accepts the realities of a situation fairly quickly. It is incredibly painful to realize that yet another person who tried to walk alongside him has changed while he wasn't there. But, he could acknowledge that very quickly and set the pain aside as fast as he could because pain comes from expectations being different from reality, and he has a lot of important things to attend to.

Alpha is one of the most important people in his personal life, which makes all of this easier said than done. There's a lot of lingering looks and quiet moments of emotionally charged "strategy meetings" over the time between his unsealing and the set date of his fights.

Probably the only difference between Getou and Alpha at this point is that alpha has never functioned with the straight cold logic Suguru sometimes did. They have things they certainly consider unforgivable, but they fully joined Gojo's faction so their method is never going to be "literally break the whole world" - they'll just break their own, their rules, their walls, their own source of security/safety, for the people they care about. Objectively, this may be worse than Suguru because alpha will do things they know or think are "wrong" if it can guarantee safety for the people they love.

So it fills Gojo with a whole new type of dread! isn't that fun! Instead of "I might [will probably] have to kill this person in the name of my code and responsibilities even if it's literally going to break a piece of me forever" it's "this person I love might end up burning themself out in the name of their goals because they consider other people and their future wellbeing far more important than themself at this moment, and I can't stop them because that strength of resolve is either going to save them or do the opposite". Either way, Gojo knows they're no longer walking the same path, and in some way, it hurts.

[lounaticm]

🍓

🍄 (yes I did this on purpose)

🍬 (yes I am enabling you)

☁️

🩷(not on the list just wanted to spread some love 😊)

🍓- How did you get into writing fanfiction? --- I kind of just... have always been doing so. From the moment I first started adoring certain shows or movies or books as a kid, I've been writing fanfiction. In fact, it took a very long time for me to even learn the term 'fanfiction' and realize "Oh. That's what this is. Neat!" (I believe I was very early teens when I first saw the term online.) From the moment I first started writing stories (which came about very shortly after I first learned how to write at all) there was only a short year or two time where I wasn't writing fanfiction. (Hell, my mom still has those short, one page stories I'd write back then. I don't know if it was simply a typo on my part or if I was just really morbid, but they almost always ended with 'And they died.'😂)

🍄- Share a headcanon for one of your favorite ships or pairings. --- (lol, of course you did. And for that, I'm going to give more than one heh~)

Well, I'm not sure if I've stated so here or not (I know I've certainly shared with my best friend over Discord) but I imagine the DA and Damien pretty much fell in love at first sight. And my rendition of the DA doesn't believe in love at first sight lol, yet still got steamrolled with it anyways, realizing what the feeling was just two hours after they met - but being in denial of it being anything more than a crush for months after. Clearly, Love At First Sight took offense to the disbelief lol

Damien's cane and mayor ribbon were a gift from the DA upon winning the election. The ribbon was just a cheeky joke, there was no thought or intent that Damien would go on to actually wear it beyond a few hours after having it pinned to his suit in congratulations by a grinning DA once news arrived that he'd won. Yet, he went on to wear it all the time - regardless of what few people moaned and complained that he was 'bragging' or the like. It came from his Little Monster, so of course he was going to keep wearing it.

As for the cane, it has a sword inside - but only Damien's close friends and family know of it. The DA gave it to him as a covert means of self-defense (though he never had any need to use it) as Damien learned swordsmanship growing up for fun. (Yeah, I'm not the first person to imagine that Damien's cane is a sword cane, I know. In fact, I used to not care for the idea, but it quickly grew on me lol)

🍬- Post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character. --- (Oh, I LOVE being enabled to talk about this ssfvsfvsfvf thank you! I don't know if this is actually unpopular, or simply not spoken of/depicted as much, but)

Dark is NOT evil, cruel, cold, or manipulative.

He is miserable and depressed and drowning in guilt over what happened to the DA (regardless of the fault not being his) and wants revenge on the Actor - though he's quickly lost most drive to actually track the bastard down.

Not once has he ever harmed the viewer character. He's been cryptic, yes, and a little creepy in Date (though I take that portrayal with a grain of salt these days, as he wasn't properly developed as a character yet, it being his first canonical appearance and all) but on that same point, he showed to care more about the viewer's feelings over having shot someone than Mark did. If you listen to his dialogue (or read a transcript) when he and Mark are trying to convince us who to shoot, nothing he says is a lie. In Heist, he seemed only to want to wake the viewer up to the nature of what was going on, stuck in the Actor's games. He nudged us in the right direction with the clues to be found at each ending.

And with the inclusion of the implications given at the end of ISWM, he may have set the entire string of events of AHWM in motion deliberately to get a chance to speak with us to try to help us. Why else would he very likely seemingly attach the warp crystal to that box, which we would then after go to try to steal? Why else would he then simply pull us aside - separate us from Mark - and speak to us, rather than use the opportunity to try to get revenge on the Actor, who was right there?

Being the "villain" has never been his goal.

☁️- What made you choose your username? --- Okay, so. My mom gave me the nickname 'Lou' when I was in my mid-teens. There's no basis upon my name at all for why she did so. Even she doesn't know why she gave me the nickname. (She's just rather silly like that lol) At first I hated it, asked her not to call me that, but it just kept happening and I realized that it would undoubtedly continue to happen - not maliciously, mind you - so I kinda just gave in and had the thought of 'oh, I could make it into a different spelling of the word 'lunatic'.' cause, yeah, edgy teen lol. And I became very fond of it, making it my username across many websites and accounts. I always pair it with either the number 13 or letter 'm', cause 13 is my favorite number and 'm' is the first letter of my birth name lol

~~~

Oh boy, I get rambly. 😂😅 And you are entirely too sweet. 🥺😊 Thank you so much for sending in all the asks that you do, I really appreciate it.

Tagging @kiwibubbles5 because I figure you'll wanna see me rant about our boy lol... again...

[strugglingyetvibing]

I watch the Sky broadcast and omg I think the TV directory this weekend was just generally weird. Lots of skipped replays and cutting away from the action. The commentator set wasn’t great either (I miss crofty 😭)

forgive me for being a tad late on this! it's currently around the 90 degrees F (32 degrees C) mark, and has been all weekend and will be for the next few days, and my apartment doesn't have air conditioning (i'm currently rocking with two box fans that i'm toting from room to room lol). so most of the past few days for me have been about staying cool and hydrated, and i haven't had the brainpower to finish this as fast as i wanted to. so apologies! i think i switched all of the 'today's to 'sunday's, haha.

~~~

i agree with you! and i think we saw a lot of the same things, too.

this is going to get long! i'll put a 'keep reading' to keep dashes clean, but please feel free to read on! this is where i'm going to go into a bit of detail on the differences between the sky stream and the f1tv international stream, my thoughts about the actual broadcast (not the race, but the structure and flow of the broadcast itself), and the commentary team (harry benjamin replacing crofty as the main commentator and how he did, and how the rest of the team did as well). please let me know what you think! sunday's broadcast was very interesting in addition to the race itself.

i believe sky and f1tv international share a lot of, but not all of their broadcast. for example, i've heard that people who watch sky actually see ted when crofty and the gang check in with him, but the f1tv international stream doesn't show him. we'll hear him, but we still have the view of track/garage action or crowd shots. additionally, f1tv international will sometimes hear team radios twice: once on our stream with no commentary around it, and once more a few minutes later when the commentators hear and react to the radio, presumably on the sky stream. finally, f1tv doesn't always show what the commentators are seeing and talking about. for example, a commentator will say something like "and if you look at this aston martin coming up now..." but the international stream will be showing something completely different, like a haas or a pit lane shot or something. these discrepancies, as far as i've been able to see in my now year of watching f1tv international, are normal and expected (and comedic most of the time, especially when someone is trying to explain something technical and we're seeing a fan happy at being on tv).

all of that aside, i agree that there were quite a few issues with the stream all throughout the weekend. now, i may be picking out more issues due to trying to pay more attention to the actual stream because of crofty's replacement, harry, but there were still a few unfortunate things that could have gone better.

a large part of the issues i saw were related to graphics and replays, like you mentioned. when i was liveblogging the race, i was trying to keep up with pit stops (mainly because there wasn't a lot else going on), but i often couldn't find the actual stop time. usually, even if the broadcast doesn't show the shot of the driver pitting, they'll put up a timing graphic of how long the driver has been in the pits and how long the stop time was. however, there were probably about five times during this race alone that the graphic either came up and never showed the stop time (which is arguably the most important data point on that graphic), or the graphic glitched out/disappeared before the stop time was posted. sure, it was frustrating from the angle of me not being able to post the times here, but it was more frustrating from the angle of wanting to know the stop times. there was another time where a driver, i forget who but i want to say a red bull, was coming in for a stop and when the graphic came up it said that the driver had already been in the pits for over a minute despite the broadcast following the car to the box and showing the car driving and stopping normally, making that timing literally impossible. the whole thing felt rather unprofessional, and could have been wholly avoided by either putting up the correct data with the correct graphics at the correct times or just not putting up the graphics at all. however, i realize there's an issue in not putting up graphics at all and withholding driver data that viewers can reasonably expect to see, so i appreciate the attempt. however, considering this is a basic part of current streams, and wasn't some sort of new graphic they were trying, they should have been able to do better.

i had forgotten about this until i watched a matt & tommy video (i think it was the funniest tweets video from imola), but the broadcast also at one point had put up a graphic saying lewis had a pit lane start (which he did not). there's like more graphics issues i'm already forgetting about, but it was not a great weekend for the graphics team.

the biggest replay fumble i think we both likely noticed was the race start replay, where they cut to the race start replay (i believe without the transition graphic), the replay either didn't start or only went a few frames, then suddenly cut back to the live race. the commentators noted how odd it was, doing their best to smooth out the shift back to the live race, and then a few minutes later the race start replay ran as normal, transition graphic and all. it was, in a word, weird, and having the commentator team, new or not, remark on it is not a great thing to have happen. i'm likely forgetting other replay blips as well, but there were definitely a few this weekend. the broadcast team's job is to run the broadcast smoothly enough to not be noticed. this weekend, they were definitely noticed.

now, for the commentators. i think my opinion that i mentioned around last friday still largely stands - for his first ever weekend commentating the f1 race on sky/f1tv international, harry benjamin did a pretty decent job. i'm extending him some grace with things like stumbling over words or missing team radio or filling 'dead air,' mainly because even if he's commentated before on other channels, it's probably very intimidating to be the main commentator for sky/f1tv international.

however, i seemed to notice a significant uptick in opinionated commentating. what i mean by that isn't something like looking at lap data and saying that the lap was bad, or watching a driver fumble a corner and saying that they fumbled the corner. what i mean is that the commentators seemed to spend a significant amount of time talking about potential future contracts, where drivers could or 'should' go, or other commentary that i believe belongs in the tabloids. of course, the commentators are human and are absolutely allowed to have their opinions on drivers and have favorites and least favorites, and it would be weird of me to say that they shouldn't. but there's a time and a place to voice those opinions, and i believe that live on international television is not one of those times or places. and, i should say, i noticed this from the whole commentary team, not just harry. i'm of the mindset that for most things, unless it's been confirmed by the driver, team, f1 management, the fia, or the applicable primary source, then those conversations should stay out of the commentary box. if they were talking about those kinds of things because the session was boring, there are plenty of other things to talk about that steer clear of tabloid-esque topics. for imola specifically, they could have spoken about ayrton senna and/or roland ratzenberger and their impacts on racing, sebsatian vettel's tribute run and historical car run in honor of senna and raztenberger, where crofty is and why he's not here this weekend (and poke good fun at him), the brand new star of the paddock that is leo leclerc, or any other number of fun but still relevant topics that don't unnecessarily speculate on drivers and teams and don't take on tones of voice that could imply driver quality unnecessarily, which they also seemed to do throughout the weekend.

now, what i won't get into now (mainly because this post is already astronomically long (which i apologize for!)) is the supposed 'british/european bias' that many say the sky/f1tv international team has in which they are very open about liking british teams and drivers more than others and liking the eurpoean and british circuits much more than the other circuits on the calendar. i believe they do have this 'british/european bias,' and it reared its head throughout the weekend, notably with their excited repetition of imola being the start of the european leg of the season throughout the whole weekend. but because that's more of an overarching issue of the broadcast/commentary teams, i'll let it slide for this post because this is more about the imola weekend-specific issues i saw.

i think that covers most everything i noticed! i had no clue it would get this long, and if you're sticking with me all the way though to the end, thank you and i love you!! if i could, i would bake each of you a choccy chip cookie <3

let me know what you think! i'm sure i've missed things here and there, but i'll just blame that on the heat wave, haha. i'd be happy to yap some more about this, other things from the weekend, or anything else you've got on your mind!

thank you so much for the ask! thanks also for letting me go on so much about this, it was really bugging me this weekend, lol.

love you all!! <3

[carnalapples]

hi bestie i have QUESTIONS!! congrats on a great year for writing ❤️ and also a great year because i got to meet you ❤️

1. favorite fic you wrote this year

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

Howdy Rowan and thank you!! I'm so happy we met 🫂 You’re def a big reason I kept creating this year!

1. favorite fic you wrote this year This is tough but I think… and it’s peaceful in the deep. I’m proud of it because I planned it more than most fics I write lol, and I am really happy with the end result. I think a lot of times i kind of miss the mark with what I originally intended… I do like that because I like seeing what results and what people take away from it. But with this fic, I told the story I originally intended to tell, and I was really proud of that focus.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t I went trawling in the trenches for this lol, I forget a lot of ideas when I move on from them. I had a Mass Effect longfic I started that went through all the games, and I ended up doing the same thing as I did for DA, using it as a springboard… I think I also had some Bollywood fics I never finished, and two separate DA modern AU/romcom-type things that lost steam. (One was supposed to be an exchange fic inspired by Four Weddings and a Funeral, but I couldn't get it to work in time) I also had a western AU for DA that fizzled out, so that’s fun.

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year From the care and feeding of lovebirds… I think I’ve posted this before, but I really like the vibes lol:

Simran puts a disc into the player—Madonna, The Cranberries, The Goo Goo Dolls, she’s squirreling them away with a little part of each paycheck.

Maybe once a week, she’ll put on one of her old tapes, something swing, or one of her father’s songs—she listens to them for only half a minute or so before she has to switch them off, and only when she’s alone, only when she can put the hurt away for later. She can never seem to hide these things from Raj. She only has one tape from her father, and it's been in the box long enough it's beginning to gather the lightest layer of dust.

Raj comes through the door just as the soft chords of “Linger” filter into the air, dripping water into the entryway. She can imagine him standing on the mat, beads of water on his coat catching the hallway light as he slips out of his shoes, and it’s all a poem: the rolling thunder underscoring the music, the fat drops rolling down the leaves and pouring from their waxy surfaces—

—right onto her face, and she opens her eyes to find Raj grinning down at her, his dimples on full display as a trickle of water disappears down her blouse.

“Chi—“ she scolds him as she pushes his head away, “I’ll have to clean all that up—“

“I’ll mop it,” he promises, folding one hand over hers where it still rests on his face. He presses his cheek to hers and she can smell his cologne, shivers at the cold dampness of his chest pressing into her back as she lets her eyes fall shut again.

“Come here,” she gently urges, tugging at his hand until he circles the sofa and sits next to her, and then until he lies down with her, both of them hopelessly wet now and bringing the upholstery down with them.

“How was it?”

“It was good,” she whispers, enjoying the soft puffs of his breath on her skin. “I liked the passage they picked.” She came home straight after the exam, the rain discouraging her from any larks to a cafe or the library.

“I was going to stop by the bakery on the way home, but this is an even sweeter surprise,” he says in a syrupy voice. She scoffs even while her chest flushes with warmth.

“Do you want me here waiting for you every day?” she teases.

“As nice as it would be to be greeted by the moon herself every night,” and he brushes a kiss across her cheek as she laughs, “Never. I’d never want to take you from school like that. From your life.”

“You’re my life, too.”

“Not like that,” he says, his voice so fond that she feels she could do anything right now and he’d not have a word against her. “Do you want to order in for dinner?” And he’s off to the latest banal concern, and she’ll never quite get used to how he sees the world, flipping through matters of such gravity and the smallest things like flicking on a switch.

“It’s not Friday.” Can we afford it, will we be good enough to cook Friday instead—

“We can swing it,” he says. “You like Indian?”

She tosses her pillow at his head.

[faeparrish]

Hello I finally finished greywaren and I’m really curious to know what is your opinion of the epilogue? I’ve seen mixed reviews about it 🤔🤔

hm yeah. i’ve been trying to gather my thoughts on the ending because i also have slightly mixed feelings about it. i loved the book as a whole but the epilogue felt like it missed the mark several times. there were parts i liked but generally speaking i think stief could’ve done a lot better; i got the sense she rushed through it and just tried to throw as many old characters and inoffensive moments into it as possible. considering it’s essentially the epilogue to the entire trc series i can understand that it was probably a lot of pressure to write but it definitely fell short as a satisfying ending to this world. i’m gonna try and break down my thoughts under the cut because there were a lot of things that stuck out to me!

i think the main issue with the epilogue for me was the tone; it was so vastly different to the rest of this series and it didn’t seem to fit naturally into the story at all. it all felt very cutesy and everything’s all tied up in a neat little bow… which didn’t really make sense when one of the major themes of the books was about not fitting into boxes, the power of forging your own path, etc. i think for a series that embraces imperfection and confronting the messy parts of life, it ended very…neatly. like it felt far too idyllic. in comparison to trc epilogue which was such a beautiful and bittersweet send-off, this just didn’t have the same impact at all. i really liked the open-ended energy of the trk epilogue, and i think that kind of style could’ve worked just as well for greywaren.

kinda jumping off the first point but it felt too much like fan service for it to feel very accurate to the story. ending it on a wedding felt.. idk i don’t wanna say cringe but it was kinda cringe lol 😔 some of the character cameos were also really random like why tf was henry’s mum at their “close friends” wedding and why does declan suddenly have this weird frenemies situation going on with her 😭 also why were the fox way ladies at declan’s wedding lmfao i don’t think they ever even interacted. i also don’t quite understand why the new fenian and mór just moved into the barns again, especially considering mór was the one who wanted to leave in the first place; her whole thing was about wanting more and now she just tends a farm and lives the simple life? idk maybe it makes sense from a different angle but i can’t see it

there were definitely some parts of it i enjoyed; i found the whole gansey and blue boring everyone w their degrees thing rlly funny. matthew working for free on a sweet potato farm was also quite funny. i liked ronan and gansey’s little conversation, and i liked that adam and ronan are finally able to live independently from one another in their relationship. i think the way the proposal happened was probably accurate to them in the sense that they both know where they stand in their relationship - it implies that they do actually communicate with each other now. then again, after the whole merging consciousnesses thing a proposal doesn’t really feel as impactful lmao. maybe that was the point and it wasn’t meant to be seen as a big deal (the way it happened seems to suggest that) but she really wrote one of the most beautiful scenes in the entire series where they became soulmates in the truest and most intentional sense of the word, and then ended the series with them getting casually engaged. they really went and upstaged themselves huh ♥️

also this is slightly outside of the epilogue but i have to say, some of the characters’ arcs were slightly anticlimactic. for example, declan’s whole epiphany about niall felt a bit like a cop out by the end. like all his formative childhood trauma and complicated emotions and years of resentment were essentially resolved when he was like wait i was dad’s favourite? damn ok. forgiven ♥️ like she kind of vaguely delved into his feelings about it but not in a way that felt very considered. we got the moth moment in the epilogue but that was also like. idk. it’s been 4 years i feel like y’all would’ve done this already by now lmao. it just felt squeezed in at the end. and matthew’s arc kind of fizzled out too which was a bit sad. no resolution for the way he was treated by declan especially. he went from going batshit and punching declan clean off his chair (10/10) to hiding in a box and doing some colouring with bryde. like it was a funny scene but it didn’t serve a purpose to matthews character; he just got sidelined again. carmen also got massively sidelined at the end wtf. she was barely mentioned in the epilogue, which sucks considering she was one of the main ensemble, and she had all that unresolved stuff with hennessy. i think it would’ve been nice to see more of those two in the epilogue. and then of course we have adam 😔 who the hell knows what happened there. we know his scenes got cut so there’s not much to say about that now, but when maggie said his arc wasn’t over in trk what she really meant was that it maybe concluded in greywaren, but you’re not allowed to see it ♥️ he’s a fill in the blanks character now. did he ever finish harvard? unclear. what about the crying club? deemed irrelevant by the author. is he a spy? maybe. i like to think he’s in his dana scully era to console the fact that he has a government job (🫤👎)

anyway tldr: i really wasn’t expecting that kind of ending so i was slightly thrown off when i read it. it also read a bit like fanfiction and was a little too neat/predictable for this particular series. it didn’t feel like it worked alongside the rest of the book and some of the characters didn’t get satisfying endings. i’d say overall i loved the book but the epilogue/ending was slightly underwhelming and felt very rushed.