#i feel kind of bad about my contribution because i tried something new and it didn't turn out very good

[mercisnm]

Something from the Knight and Monarch AU, which I drew as my contribution to the Broads and Broadswords zine last year

[fakeuwus]

MANEATER | SIM JAEYUN (M)

PAIRING: virgin!jake x yn (femreader)

SYNOPSIS: in which jake is tired of being a virgin and you're asked to help him out.

WARNINGS: smut so MDNI! vrignity loss, oral (m and f receiving), unprotected sex (be safe out there), creampie, riding, multiple orgasms, etc. cursing, words like slut/whore, BARELY PROOFREAD

WC: 5k, lowercase intended

MESSAGE FROM NIC: here it finally is!! (sorry for the delay) my first piece of smut,,, hope it's what everyone imagined 😁 (also tysm for 2k notes on the teaser ahh!!) big thank u to my stella, @karinasbaby for encouraging this fic, one of my biggest supporters ilysm. pls be kind as this is something new for me BUT feedback is super appreciated, tell me what u liked and didn't like! (respectfully) also reblogs would be nice as well so feel free to drop one. love u guys sm 🫶🏼

jake sim was a virgin. a pitiful, pitiful virgin. and it’s not like he was ugly. not even close to that. jake was an attractive guy, easy on the eyes. and his flirting? a real smooth talker he was.

it was as if 2000s chad michael murray possessed his very soul every single time he would chat up a girl at a party or in class. 

so why couldn't he ever close the deal? how did he find himself in a steamy makeout session one second and then the next the girl is storming out of the room in disgust. every. single. time.

oh yea, because he was a fucking virgin. a pitiful, pitiful virgin. 

it seemed like girls these days wanted a man in charge. someone who could help them live out their fifty shades of grey fantasies. jake would like to think he could do that for them but how could he ever learn if no one wanted to give him the time of day? what happened to the girls that would spread their legs for anything and anyone?

all jake needed was one chance. one chance to stick his dick in a hole and he can move on with his life. 

his friends didn't make it any better either. he was getting tired of hearing all about their wild sexcapades every week and having nothing to contribute to the conversation.

but they don’t intentionally leave him out or make him feel bad about his lack of experience. they even try getting him with their past hookups because you know, sharing is caring right? 

“dude no way you fumbled sora. she’s a real slut i was so sure she would let you hit,” sunghoon says as he’s unwrapping his sandwich then taking a bite. “bro i didn't fumble anything. it's the same shit every time, once i tell them im a virgin they dip,” jake responds while he steals sunghoon’s sandwich and takes a bite for himself.

sunghoon doesn't even argue, his best friend is clearly in distress and is need of some food. “she started ranting about how she doesnt “do” virgins because they get attached and she thinks im gonna become obsessed with her or something.”

“why do you even tell them you’re a virgin in the first place? if that's the issue why even say anything at all?” heeseung questions with a mouth full of the same sandwich that somehow now ended up in his hands.

“because if he cums in .2 seconds then the girls are gonna think he’s a bad fuck. there's no winning here.” jake nods in agreement with jay's statement as he watches jay snatch the sandwich from heeseung and finish it off.

this is what is so beautiful about their friendship. they share everything with each other, the main things being girls and food. unfortunately for jake, bites of food is all he gets.

—-----------------

“oh fuck!” jakes pants while bucking his hips forward. vision blurry, drool pooling around the corner of his mouth. he genuinely feels like his soul is leaving his body and he wasn’t sure this was even real life anymore. to ground himself and bring him back to reality, he tries looking around the room to find something to distract him.

he doesn’t want to cum embarrassingly fast and he does NOT want to be seen as a bad fuck. out of the corner of his eye he spots a baby yoda squishmallow in the corner of the room, its sparkly eyes watching jake get his dick sucked for the first time.

it’s kind of weird but he finds comfort in the plushie and focuses on it to keep him from fucking exploding. 

now you might be wondering how he got here. in a hot girl’s room getting what he swears is the best head in his life (not that he has anything to compare it to.) the answer is jay, his best friend in the entire world who he now owes his first born to. 

“her name’s yn. just text her and ask when she wants to meet. i told her you were a virgin already so don’t worry about that,” jay explains as he’s scrolling through your profile showing jake what you look like.

silky, flowy hair, curves to die for. to say you’re gorgeous would be an understatement. the whole ordeal seemed too good to be true.

“she wants to fuck me? even after hearing i’m a virgin?” jake asks after grabbing his milk tea from the counter and walking towards a table.

jay simply nods and throws a look towards sunghoon, signaling him to explain the rest as they all take a seat. “yea that’s kind of her thing. she loves virgins. like, her body count consists of only virgins.”

jake was perplexed by the situation. surely he’d hear about a beautiful woman who only drops her panties for inexperienced guys roaming their campus.

heeseung then speaks up, as if reading jake’s mind, “she goes to the college in the next town over. around a 20 minute drive.” before continuing his sentence he shifts his eyes towards jay and sunghoon. eyeballs darting back and forth.

some unspoken dialogue is happening between the three as they sip their sweet drinks and jake just has to sit there and watch. minutes go by and jay clears his throat and sighs, finally breaking the silence.

“she uh, actually took all of our virginities back in high school. that’s how we know her.” 

pause. the fuck? he knew his friends all have gotten their dicks wet for the same girl before but at the same time? jake couldn’t believe what he was hearing. i mean, he did only just meet them three years ago, whatever they were up to before then he can’t judge.

he supposes desperate times call for desperate measures, and jake is sure he would’ve ended up in the same situation soon if they weren’t handing you on a silver platter to him.

“so… you guys had a foursome for your first times??”

heeseung instantly chokes on his boba as jake’s arm receives a punch from jay. a faint giggle is heard from sunghoon, “this bitch is choking on some balls.”

ignoring heeseung’s dramatics jay clarifies, “no you idiot, she took all of our virginities separately. we weren’t as desperate as you were.”

“and like, that pussy is so heavenly. i’d be pissed having to share her with another guy at the same time.” 

“roger that, brother.”

jake looks towards the two, sunghoon rubbing heeseung’s back trying to calm him down from his almost near death over some balls. 

“care to elaborate?” 

“man why do you think we’re all sex crazed freaks? her pussy’s got some voodoo magic in it or something. our manhood didn’t begin when we watched porn for the first time together, it started with her,” jay pauses and shifts in his seat, slight discomfort in his lower region.

he looks up and pinches his nose, “fuck i’m getting hard just thinking about it.” sneaking a peek at jay’s lower half, jake can see his friend chubbing it up in his pants. nothing he’s never seen before honestly. 

but what he hadn't seen before was how his friends were reminiscing so hard on a hook up the way they were right now. and the fact that their origin story of discovering their high libidos is all because of you? he was scared shitless of what he was about to get himself into.

-------------------

fast forward to some exchanged texts between you guys, jake found himself in your room with his pants around his ankles getting the life sucked out of him.

he quickly discovered you were very straightforward and to the point, immediately sending him your apartment address and what time to show up.

jake couldn’t argue though, all this talk about how you were gonna “change his life” and shit got him real worked up. he appreciated the fact that you skipped the small talk and went straight for his dick.

upon arriving and stepping into your living space, your lips smashed onto his and he was pushed down onto the bed. no hi, no hello. just your lucious, full lips swapping spit with his.

his hands instinctively flew to your waist, his digits gripping your plush skin as you straddle him. jake felt so in his element in the moment. making out? this is where he excels. he could do this all day if he could.

but he was here on a mission and he’ll be damned if he leaves without fucking you. or you fucking him. he was honestly down for whatever. you could ask to peg him and he would say yes.

you can sense his impatience, his face twisting in pleasure trying to savor every moment while the cogs are turning in his head, awaiting your next move. every squeeze he gave signaled that he wanted to get things moving.

you make your way down his body, peppering kisses any and everywhere leaving his skin burning. jake couldn’t believe what was about to happen.

in less than a minute he was about to get his first blowjob ever. what does he do? where do his hands go? what if he chokes you? what if he passes out from the stimulation?

before he can think of anymore what to do’s and what if’s, your mouth is on his dick and jake is seeing stars, figuratively and literally. he takes note of the little ones taped to your ceiling and thinks it’s cute.

the pink walls and plushies surrounding the two of you is such a stark contrast to your personality, or what little jake knows of you. but hey, he likes a woman with some duality to her.

“you can put your hands in my hair.”

jake finally takes a look down at you. pupils blown out, lips a bit swollen from all the sucking. you looked so, so pretty like this. he can only imagine what you look like with his cock in you.

trembling hands grab at your hair, slightly pushing you further down and a gagging noise emerges from the back of your throat. oh shit. your nose is practically meeting his pelvic bone and you aren’t letting up.

fuck it, jake thinks to himself. he was done with being patient. he starts fucking up into your mouth relentlessly, chasing the orgasm he was delaying. and you just let him.

you’re merely a hole for him in this moment and you could care less. his dick may be average in size but the girthiness of it was so delicious, you couldn’t get enough.

to make sure he reaches his high, you reach for his balls and start playing with them. his erratic thrusts combined with you squeezing his genitals he twitches in your mouth and his cum is shooting out, pooling out the sides of your lips.

and you don’t stop there. you keep going and going and jake actually feels like he’s going to pass out. “okay, okay please please!” you swallow everything he gave you and finally let him go with a pop to come up for air.

you get up and see him lying there on your bed, unmoving. eyes closed and mouth agape barely taking breaths. one might think he’s dead but this was typical.

once a guy gets to cum in a girl’s mouth for the first time they don’t know what to do with themselves. nudging him with your knee he breaks out of his trance with a lopsided smile adorning his face. god he’s adorable.

before you can suggest a break he immediately grabs you by the hips and flips you onto your back. your shorts go flying onto the floor behind him and he spreads your legs wide to prop them onto his shoulders.

his tongue immediately attaches to your clit and he starts licking you all over. slurping and sucking, as if this was his last meal on earth. he was desperate to get you to cum the way you made him and it was showing.

jake’s eating you out a little too expertly to your liking, as if he’s done this a million times. you won’t judge if he has, you’re literally the last person to judge someone’s sexual history but how is he still a virgin if he eats pussy this good?

he must’ve been met with horrible women who just used him for his mouth and left him dry. you wouldn’t do that to him though, poor guy doesn’t deserve that.

he inserts two fingers into your hole while his mouth was still working your clit. jesus christ. you didn’t notice before but his fingers were so slender and long, reaching places your own didn’t. “am i doing okay? kind of my first time.”

oh? so this was his first time eating pussy. you simply give him a nod of approval, not being able to utter a word as he dives right back in.

in all of your sexual encounters, never has there been a guy so willing to return the favor. and the fact that you didn’t even have to ask? where the fuck did jay find a guy like this? was he aware his friend was a fucking certified munch?

determined to make sure you cum, jake inserts another finger and moves his fingers in an upward motion, trying to find your spot. at least that’s what wikihow told him how to do it.

the sound of your moans and the taste of your pussy on his tongue simply feel amazing and he feels like he could come alone like this. at this point you’re panting and riding his fingers and god it’s so hot. you’re so hot.

jake finds himself humping into the mattress, trying to aid his painful hard on he’s grown since going down on you.

his wrist begins to ache with how fast he’s pumping into you but he doesn’t give a fuck, he’ll do anything to see what you look like when you reach your high.

“oh god, i’m, i’m- ahhh!” you come undone onto his mouth and hand, lips forming an o shape with the most pornographic moan he’s ever heard and he silently releases his load along with you onto the bed.

jake makes sure every single drop of your delicious juices are all licked up, driving your oversensitivity.

“so? how was i?”

you take a look at his annoyingly cute face and he’s licking all over his fingers like a lollipop. cute. gaining some of your composure, your eyes spot a wet spot on your sheets.

“wait, did you…”

“oh. sorry about that. i couldn’t help it.” jake explains with a sheepish smile and a scratch behind his head. not only is this guy a munch but he came untouched while tongue fucking you. you weren’t even sure guys like him existed, like at all.

without speaking another word, you grab the back of his neck and smash your lips onto his. tasting yourself on him has you wet all over again and you both begin to undress each other.

you detach yourself to take your shirt off and he pauses to fully look at you, drinking in every inch of your body. hands grab at your boobs and he pinches a nipple, a small moan escaping your mouth.

your body was literally to die for, the pictures on your profile barely doing you justice. and to finally be able to feel all around your curves and give your boods and ass tight squeezes was a dream come true for jake.

(he may or may not have been jerking off to the few posts you have up, counting down the days of you guys finally meeting but you didn’t have to know that)

you also took a moment to admire his body. to say jake was sculpted like a fucking greek god was an understatement, sporting a six pack and biceps to die for. veins running all over his arms and hands.

deciding it’s finally time to do the deed, you switch positions and motion for him to lay on his back. “are you ready?”

“wait! what about a condom?”

“i’m clean and i know you are so…”

“right.”

you throw your legs over his waist, now straddling him with your vagina inches from his cock. “okay, take deep breaths. i’m gonna slowly go down alright?”

jake throws a thumbs up and eagerly nods. in a moment like this he doesn’t fail to be endearing. you could literally just eat him up with how cute he was. your pussy was about to anyway.

you lace your fingers with his and slowly lower yourself onto him. there’s some intimacy with your actions and jake finds comfort in your eyes, looking at him adoringly.

it was finally fucking happening and jake couldn’t believe it. he was about to become a man. and the fact that it was you taking his virginity, a gorgeous woman who doesn’t care that he’s inexperienced and lets him hit it raw. it's really all he can ask for.

once your walls are wrapped around his tip, jake’s a goner. the little sweet moment you two shared is thrown out the window and he starts bucking his hips up into you, hard and fast.

his hands find purchase on your hips and he’s gripping them so hard you're sure there will be bruises tomorrow. you wanted to start out slow as it is his first time but it seems his thrusting says otherwise.

you press your hands against his chest and begin to move rhythmically in sync with him. jake’s eyes immediately roll back and his breathing quickens.

his hands fall to his side and he lays lifeless beneath you, letting you take full control.

all he could do was stare at the spot where his dick entered you and it was making him even more hornier. he couldn’t tell where he ended and you began.

your wetness didn’t help anything either. the squelching sounds indicated that you were very much enjoying this as much as he was.

“fuck you feel so good baby,” jake moans. the pet name that slips past his lips and it doesn’t go unnoticed but you also don’t question it.

for some reason the simple word made your heart jump. guys always called things like babe or even whore when they really let loose.

those never got to your head, you know they couldn’t really control themselves in the moment and you let them have their fun.

but jake has been nothing but kind to you this whole time, like he knew you were doing him a service and not the other way around.

this only fueled your desire to ensure that his sure first time exceeded his expectations so upped your menstrations. you quickly changed your pace to grind forward, backwards, and in circles making sure his dick felt every inch of you.

jake’s mind was reeling, his breath caught in his throat. he feels as if his dick was about to fall off with the way you were moving.

your body leans forward and you begin to kiss at his neck, leaving hickeys everywhere. your hot breath near his ear sends him into overdrive, must be a sensitive spot of his he never knew he had, but also how could he have known?

his hands that were once gripping the sheets meet your ass and he starts to guide you up and down his cock. you both were about to reach your climaxes, your pussy clenching with every move.

“i’m- where? fuck! where do i cum?”

“inside. cum inside me please.”

inside?? his first time cumming from sex and you were gonna let him do it inside of you? jake swears you couldn’t be any more perfect than you are right now.

you knew you threw him for a loop and honestly yourself as well. pushing these thoughts towards the back of your head you start riding him aggressively, even faster than before. “fuck, jake i’m cumming!”

“me too baby oh my god!”

and there was that damn pet name again. it makes your heart leap out of your chest and sends you over the edge.

the knot in your stomach snaps and jake follows shortly after, his load shooting into you. it pools out of you and you don’t hesitate to swipe some up with a delicate finger and bring it to your mouth, mirroring his actions from earlier.

your eyes meet his fucked out ones and you smile down at him, admiring the masterpiece of lovebites you left all over him. his vision was a bit blurry but he catches the way your lips curled upward, flashing your pearly whites.

jake finds himself instantly becoming hard again, call him easy but when a pretty girl is smiling at him like that after fucking him, can you really blame him?

you move yourself off of him and jake was fully expecting you to kick him out now but instead you position yourself on all fours, your ass in the air inviting him in.

“fuck. you’re into anal?”

you turn your head sharply to look at him over your shoulder, raising an eyebrow to question what he just said. the look you give him says it all and jake takes the hint and positions himself behind you.

“can we try anal next time though?”

an exasperated sigh leaves your lips and you reach over to grab his dick, inserting him into you. “umph! okay sorry.”

upon entering your pussy, jake relishes in the feeling of it. being inside your heat again leaves him breathless for the nth time today.

in and out. in and out. he tries to match his breathing with his gradual strokes. his member is extra sensitive right now and he’s trying not to lose himself. the impatience he had earlier has now moved onto you so you decide to take matters into your own hands and start fucking back into him.

your ass is now meeting his hips and the sound of skin slapping echoes in your room along with your moans. jake’s body is flailing from the sudden impact but he grounds his hands around your waist and grips the shit out of you.

he notices bruises forming on your skin but he can’t for the life of him let go. oops. he’ll do his best to remember to apologize for them tomorrow.

when there’s a good pace between the two of you, you fling yourself upward, back meeting his chest and the new angle has him reaching spots he didn’t before.

you take one of his strong arms and place it around your neck, having him choke you as you ride him like there’s no tomorrow. jake’s brain begins to turn to mush and he feels like he’s even more turned on at the revelation of one of your kinks.

and at this point you’re fucking onto him so hard, so good, he didn’t want it to end. “shit. shit. i love your pussy so much baby.” jake whines into your ear, meaning every word he said.

is it crazy to say you love someone upon meeting them for the first time? well, their pussy. yea. maybe. but who gives a fuck.

he was a man possessed by you, by your pussy. in this moment he truly believed there was some voodoo magic going on down there and he was blessed to be experiencing it.

you clench at his words, and your heart flips once more, prompting you to draw him closer to you (if that was even remotely possible)

the closeness of your bodies creates another intimate moment shared, kisses stolen from one another, hands tangled in his hair.

“i’m close,” he whispers in your ear, his breath leaving tingles down your spine. the hushed whispers you exchange contrast the sporadic thrusting that’s happening.

determined to reach your second high of the day, you push jake onto his back and settle yourself onto your knees, continuing to bounce up and down on his cock.

“yea just like that baby, shit shit shit i’m cumming, i’m cumming!”

jake opens his eyes to watch the scene unfold before him and god was it something. your back arches as you take his cum in you once more and your screams fill his ears, signaling you orgasmed right after him.

this moment alone is better than porn itself, and jake savors every bit of it. there’s absolutely no way he can even bring himself to type “nsfw” in his twitter search bar ever again after this.

you hover yourself over him leaving just the tip inside before sliding right back down, pushing his seed back in while it gushes around his cock leaving jake wanting, no needing, a third round with you.

but to his dismay you roll yourself off of his body, landing on the mattress next to him.

“so… how do you feel?”

he releases a long exhale he didn’t know he was holding, “fantastic. 10/10 experience. would do it again.” you simply giggle at his response with a shake of your head, getting up to gather your clothes.

“wait! um, could we do this again?”

you playfully roll your eyes at him, leaving his question unanswered as you begin to dress yourself.

—-----------------

sat in his computer chair, jake is finding it difficult to finish this stupid ethics assignment. how is he supposed to argue about the death penalty when you straight up almost murdered him with your pussy less than 2 hours ago?

he’s sure his professor wouldn’t appreciate if he wrote that he doesn’t give a fuck about someone serving their punishment if the culprit was you, but honestly speaking he’d let you get away with just about anything. you were an angel sent from above to him who could do no wrong. 

the way your soft lips wrapped around his cock while your innocent (not) eyes bored into his soul. the way you licked and kissed every single inch of his body, leaving nothing left untouched. and god, the way you worked his dick? how was he supposed to move on from you??

you were an insatiable, sex-crazed goddess. a once in a lifetime experience he was so grateful to have. 

his thoughts are interrupted by a loud knocking at his door. two seconds later, jay trails into jake’s room followed by dumb and dumber, all of them having a snug look on their faces.

they make themselves comfortable before they get right into the interrogation. jay leans against the desk, sunghoon sits in the bean bag situated in the corner, and heeseung sprawls himself across the bed.

“so virgin, how was it?”

 “wasn’t i right about her pussy?” 

“where did she make you cum?” 

eyes rolling in the back of his head, jake takes a deep sigh before answering their questions. “one, i’m not a virgin anymore so stop calling me that. two, it was absolutely fucking amazing. literally would give up heaven for it. and three, she had me cum in her. twice.”

heeseung shoots up from his position, jaw dropped and eyes wide. “you came in her twice?!” the boys all share a bewildered expression on their faces, dramatic as always.

jake just shrugs at them, what? didn’t you usually let guys cum in you like the freak you were?

jay slaps his hands down on jake’s shoulders, aggressively turning the computer chair towards him. “jake. buddy. yn has two rules.” 

sunghoon suddenly appears on jay’s left, “one. you can’t cum in her. you can cum anywhere BUT inside of her.” 

heeseung follows and is now on jay’s right side, “and two. she doesn’t repeat fuck.”

immediately following this revelation there’s silence.  complete and utter silence.  the gazes they hold are intense and uninviting. as if they truly couldn’t believe you let their best friend who’s never felt the touch of a woman break one of your rules.

their eyes say it all, they love jake to death and are happy for him, like seriously happy and relieved he’s finally entered manhood. but really? none of them got to do what he did? what was so special about him?

you don’t even know the answer to those questions yourself. maybe it was the puppy eyes or his whiny moans that made you feel like you had him in the palm of your hands.

his eagerness to pleasure you but to also receive reminded you of the sole purpose of why you only go for virgins. they made you feel wanted while also letting you be in charge. call it selfishness but why can’t a girl have the best of both worlds? 

and you’d never admit it, but jake was one of the best fucks you’ve had in a while. he never tried to be someone he wasn’t, just authentically himself. a pitiful, pitiful virgin. and he was proud of it.

it was refreshing to fuck someone who didn’t have some sort of ego right after you were done with them. immediately bragging to everyone what you two did and acting like they could pull any girl as if you weren’t doing charity work for most of them. 

with all of this in mind, of course you let him cum in you. he was doing so well for you, how could you not reward him? had to let him do it twice to drive it home.

and seriously, what kind of guy gives you a tender, sweet goodbye kiss and thanks you for defiling him? you didn’t regret your decisions with him but they were definitely scaring you. 

never have you ever been this intimate with a guy, but jake was different. you felt it. and what you did next didn’t scare you as much as your recent choices with him.

*ping!*

the staredown between jake and his friends comes to a halt and he digs his phone out of his pocket to check it. sliding up, he sees the message appear on his screen:

you: are you free tomorrow?

he glances at his friends’ expectant eyes and throws them a smirk. looks like he gets to break that second rule of yours. 

© fakeuwus 2024 do not repost, translate, or plagiarize

TAGLIST: @alvojake @jaylaxies @ikeuverse @pprodsuga @criminalseung @slut4hee @wonuqrtz @sansluvr @juniorjuneper @hoonven @sunshine-skz @luvyouloser @cha0ticpisces @no-daddy-just-issues-148 @hoseokteardrop @jakehooni @minniejenseo @niniissus @capri-cuntz @simpjay @chansloverr @esloao @strawbrrycuteblog @enhaslxt @vveebee @sakanelli-afc @felixbrownies @yunjinswifee @bobaikeu @minaateez @river-demon-slayer @sjylouvre @nyxtwixx @wonderlandless @eddieeddiesblog @moon4moony @skzenhalove @na-x2 @binniesbabe @monstaxdirtywonk @lauover @iheartjayke @jwsflower @notevenheretbh1 @rik1zzluv @ang0308 @kpopaussieline @jaehyuniewifeu

[base0h]

Hey slayer. I've been violently ill lately and thought it be best to turn my misery into your profit, so here's a request for you. May I request the asl trio with an s/o that one night got really really sick?? Like I'm talking throwing up in the toilet, body shaking, feeling like you're going yo die type of thing. Thanks, have a great day and I hope you drink water 👋

a/n - nooo! I’m sorry about that anon :( I hope you feel better soon :) sorry in advance but I somehow make things cracky when they’re supposed to be serious 💀

warnings ⚠️ - g/n reader, vomit, comfort

- this guy hasn’t gotten sick once in his entire life, so he doesn’t know what the fuck to do when someone gets sick- (have you seen the way he tried to handle when nami got sick 😭)

- today, you already felt nauseous, sick to your stomach. The thought of eating made you want to throw yourself overboard-

- the rocking waves that shook the boat back and forth only contributed more- you weren’t even sure if this was your sickness, or sea sickness at this point

- maybe both?

- the toilet was your new bestie, the amount of times you threw up in there were countless

- chopper did his best with what meds he had- but nothing really eased the sickness. Your head just kept banging, dizzy from how many times you’ve thrown up

- your captain wasn’t sure what to do- he just kept frantically calling chopper over to see if you were ok.. He knew that maybe his funny antics weren’t going to help you right now

- “Sorry y/n… But I think this is just going to pass tomorrow, hang in there.” -chopper

- You were glad it wasn’t anything serious, but this was horrible

- Don’t you worry, Luffy stayed with you the entire night. He stole a bucket from Sanji for you to throw up in, and tried to tell you funny stories to lighten up your mood

- “Okok- ummmmm. Ok so there was this one time where grandpa kicked me down into a hole at night and-“ (Luffy was abused /with love)

- whenever you tried to sleep, he’d pat your head softly to lull you to sleep, and he tried his VERY hardest not to make any noise

- he ends up making noise but- it’s alright, you still love him (I hope)

- “Y/n! Don’t think about green! Like- don’t think about bushes and stuff! Think about uh… Meat! Wait- no. Uhm….“

- You were getting even more sick at the mention of the color green.. And meat? Luffy no.

- “NO I’M SORRY! DON’T THINK ABOUT MEAT! THINK ABOUT UH- THE SKY? THE GOING MERRY! SUNNY?”

- with him naming random stuff extremely loudly, it was able to distract you from all those gross thoughts, good save Luffy

- you made it through the night (traumatized) but alive. You were glad Luffy was there to stay with you, even though he’s not the best doctor in town lmao

- he loves you, and he’d do anything to make you feel alright :)

- he’s very experienced with almost every sickness, and he’s read about almost every kind of medical book he has in his library

- but nothing prepared him for taking care of the person he loved, because books don’t cover that :)

- you already asked Dragon if you could rest for today, and that alone made sabo so worried. You never had to miss a mission.. This must’ve been really bad

- as soon as the ship docked, sabo sprinted, and I mean SPED towards the headquarters

- my man literally knocked poor koala over on the way 😭

- when he burst through the door like a mad man, he grimaced when he saw how bad you looked

- you were still sitting by the toilet, your face turning green in close intervals

- “Oh hey sabo- how was the m-“ *throws up*

- “Y/N?! ARE YOU OK?!”

- He’s about to faint, but he managed to drag the doctor out from his office, and haul ass back to you for him to check you out

- sabo never knew he could be so tense and anxious, he found out today that he suffered from major anxiety whenever something bad happened to you 😭

- The doctor explained that it was simply a really bad stomach flu, and it would go away by either tomorrow or the next few days

- sabo was glad it wasn’t anything serious! But still, he was worried about you, I mean… You weren’t looking great-

- He tried his best, but whenever you threw up, he felt sick as well- so he comforted you while closing his eyes and covering his ears (he’s trying)

- at one point he had to run off because he threw up too 💀 probably from both feeling horrible because you were going through this. And also, he’s scared of vomit unfortunately

- just because he’s scared doesn’t mean he’s not going to stay with you 24/7! He’s sitting with you, giving you whatever you ask and need

- he tries to talk about anything except vomit and the color green lmao- but he somehow finds a way to get back to it??

- “Yeah on the mission today- we were freeing some of our comrades and one of them- his name’s Steve. He was wearing this AWFUL green shirt and I swear-!” *throws up*

- “I’M SORRY- FORGET EVERYTHING I JUST SAID PLEASE.”

- this poor man is dying, but trying 👍

- like Luffy, this guy has never been sick. EVER

- but he’s an expert at sensing whether or not you’re feeling ok- it’s kinda creepy

- it’s like he knows if a sneeze is coming, and he says bless you early 0-0

- this time, he didn’t catch it since he was off the ship, kicking marine ass on an island

- when he got back, you were- let’s just say.. You’ve been better.

- Whitebeard was worried, and Marco took a look at you right away. No one was as worried as Ace though, this poor guy was on fire, quite literally

- he kept accidentally setting things on fire around him from how worried he was!

- “Ace, don’t panic. Stay calm.” -Whitebeard

- “I AM CALM.”

- no he is not calm at all

- Marco told you that this would just have to pass normally, and he could only give you some anti-nausea meds

- when ace could finally go into your room, he was asking every single question known to man

- “Baby are you ok? You need water? Hugs? Food? A bucket? Meds? Blanket? Marco to turn into a fluffy bird and for you to hold him in your hand?”

- “…what?”

- let’s just say if you need something, he’s on it

- whenever you throw up, he’s like- cheering you on?

- “Great job! Get all that nasty stuff out! You got this!”

- I mean. It helped I guess 💀

- he’ll give you cuddles, hugs, anything to help you fall asleep and get through the night

- you finally fell asleep on him after a couple hours

- but this poor dude needed to pee so bad at around 3am. But the thought of waking you up, only for you to start throwing up again made him so sad..

- he didn’t want you to have to go through it again if you didn’t have to!

- so he sucked it up, and held it until you woke up at 7

- “Oh hey ace.. I feel a lot better now, thanks for staying.”

- “Oh my gosh that’s great! But give me like- 10 seconds I have to pee so fucking bad-!”

- my man SPED to the bathroom, leaving a literal trail of fire 💀💀💀

- he was in there for a while 😭

a/n - ace is so sweet 🥹

[painted-bees]

I love it when you dive into the psyche stuff with Margie and Raf. I swear I learn something new about myself every time I read a post about them. It's nice that they're both very patient and supportive with each other and that their struggles overlap in a way that grants them more empathy than they might have had otherwise. That said I'm curious to know how they clash, if at all. Does either of them have symptoms that triggers or exasperates the other's symptoms? How do they manage it?

that makes me so happy, thank you ; 0; <3

aaa so, chiefly, the relationship between these two is built on a pretty fundamental feature of "'winning' a situation/conflict is not more important than my partner's well being"--In that, like, they're both very proactive in looking at their situation and assessing if they're responsible for aggravating the situation/provoking a response, and to what extent. So typically, once they realize a situation has gotten away on them, they're both able to take a pause and even physically separate for a hot moment if need be--and then try and figure out what happened, what can be done, and apologize in earnest for any misinterpretation or disproportionate responses, etc. It's usually both of them apologizing to each other after identifying out loud out their own missteps/contributions, and it's usually fine. So a 'big' emotionally charged conflict between them might last like...an hour at most before before it deescalates into more co-operative conversation. Because neither of them want to "win" the fight, they just wanna not be mad at each other and see the other person comfortable--which requires understanding why they're mad rather than leveraging the other's angry response as against them, etc.

Funnily enough, this kind of...conflict resolution style wasn't Raf's initiative (he tends to be a lot more reticent to admit wrongdoing and apologize, lest it be used against him...and he's got a really bad habit of tallying up transgressions in his head and letting those grudges inform him on how much leeway he's willing to give someone before he decides they're straight-up unlikable)--but rather, it's always been Margie's way of negotiating conflict. Probably because she grew up with a very autistic brother, and being able to step away/leave the situation, calm down, and then reconvene to communicate their exact feelings and what provoked those feelings (in a weirdly dispassionate/objective manner of collaborative analysis) was a pretty critical part of her good relationship with him--a solution that evolved organically between them. And, since it worked so well with her brother (and frequently with her parents as well, wherein she'd often be applauded for her show of 'emotional maturity' or whatever lmao), she tries to employ this method with everyone close to her. It doesn't always work out... Earlier in her relationship with Raf, she'd always be first to apologize for provoking certain reactions out of him. As well, she just...never gets angry in response to someone being angry with her. She's also maybe a little too quick to apologize sometimes, which initially would have rubbed Raf the wrong way as being kinda manipulative/insincere (which, it kind of is...but not in a manner employed to gain any kind of upper hand over him)--to which he would deliberately avoid apologizing in response. He'd drop it instead, and act like nothing was wrong in the first place...which (whether consciously or not) is a manipulation tactic of his own, designed to provoke some variation of a "well wait, you were wrong and you need to give me apology" response from her. Which, of course, never came lmao. If Raf says "whatever, it's fine", unless she is also frustrated with herself, she'll take his word at face value. (the same way she does for everyone). Eventually, this leads him to to carefully admit when he feels his reactions are disproportionate. And, after while of that consistently leading to no further aggravation, his short hand to her "Sorry, I didn't mean to/I didn't mean it like that!" becomes a simple "I know. Sorry I barked at you." The gradual comfort of being 'wrong' in those very tiny, low-stake situations is what gives him the confidence to risk admitting he may be "wrong" in bigger conflicts. If, at any point--even once, Margie had taken this vulnerability and wielded it against him in any situation, he'd never let himself 'fall for it' again. But that's yet to happen. Still, it feels disproportionately risky for him to admit out loud, in earnest, that he had any part to play in a misunderstanding or in the construction of a bad situation--Like turning your back on an enemy who is poised to stab you with a knife.

Raf generally tends to be agreeable in most situations, he's a well practiced diplomat despite his disordered outlook and interpretations of things. But--he is stubbornly unapologetic. He'll drop the topic, insist it's no big deal to him anyway, tell you it's fine, to never mind, do what you want, etc. But he won't tell you it's 'his bad' or that he's sorry about anything. And if you don't meet him where's he's at with that then, in his mind, you've become The Problem. Forever. However, his care for Margie and her wellbeing bolsters his conscious efforts to treat her well, even at risk to himself. He'd rather end up in a situation where she's proven to him beyond a shadow of doubt that she never really cared about him and has been using him this whole time--than end up in a situation where he becomes a traumatic ex; someone that hurts her to think about. Therapy helped him determine that, at least in this situation, misplacing his trust is marginally less injurious to him than misplacing his suspicions. But sometimes, it takes him a hot moment to remember this and respond accordingly. Sometimes, it takes him more than a hot moment. Margie's there when he does come around to it though. She has her clear lines in the sand and--though I don't doubt that he's come close in his most fearful moments--he's never crossed them. With that said, yeah--I dunno LOL Raf is clinically predisposed to believe that he is being taken advantage of, or that he will be taken advantage of by anyone, at any given time. Margie can become pretty careless when she is very enthusiastic/eager for something, and her forward momentum does sometimes steamroll right over his toes. It can be more than a little challenging for Raf to stay grounded and respond reasonably when Margie lets excited desire drive her blindly forward at mach speeds when he feels like he's being dragged behind her. Other times, she'll try to dig into why he responded a certain way before he's had time to process and compartmentalize it for himself, all because she feels badly and wants to figure things out with him so that they can both feel better about it. He's learned that this is easily resolved with a terse "I love you, but holy shit, give me some fucking space, please." Which--usually warrants its own apology but, yanno...she gets it. Margie can be very "go go go, this is exciting, this is so fun, this is all that matters right now!! Oof--ow, shit, I hit something, was that a speed bump??" and Raf is often very "wait, what? Wait what!? Wait, that's all that matters?! Wait, what??? Hit the fucking breaks, that speed bump was me and now I am fucking dying." and that's usually where most of their conflict/clashing occurs. Margie will feel disproportionately ashamed/embarrassed/rejected, Raf will feel disproportionately slighted/put upon/mistreated. And if they didn't agree to talk to each other about it, with a shared, genuine desire to see each other in a state of comfort, their relationship probably couldn't thrive.

[elaho]

Stardew Valley MBTI x Enneagram: Shane

Following my last post about the Stardew marriage candidates and their MBTI types, I've been learning more about Enneagram, how it pairs with MBTI, and how it changes some of the typical characteristics of each type.

The Enneagram and MBTI complement each other wonderfully, providing greater depth and understanding of how a person interacts with the world [Cognitive Functions] and their motivations why [Core Desire/Core Fear].

Here are my thoughts on Shane's Enneagram paired with his MBTI.

Shane - ISTP 5w6: “The Troubleshooter”

“ISTP 5w6s are analytical people who lean towards caution. This personality type is curious and passionate about their interests. Because of their wing, they are always cautious and look for all possible flaws before leaping.” – Personality Hunt

Shane’s Core Desire: To be self-sufficient

The core desire of the ISTP 5w6 is to be self-sufficient. ISTPs are naturally very independent and want to make their own way. To achieve this goal, they use their abilities to carve a niche for themselves, and honing their unique skills as 5w6s, they are often very successful.

“My life...It's a pathetic joke...Look at me...Why do I even try? ...*sob* I'm too small and stupid to... to take control of my life…”

"I want to feel like I'm not just a leech on the world. I want to contribute somehow, even in a small way like this.”

Shane’s Core Fear: To be dependent [a burden] on others

The core fear of the ISTP 5w6 is to be a burden on others, especially to those they care about. We see Shane struggle with his mental health and alcoholism through the game. He tries hard to fight his demons on his own, not wanting others to be held back by his personal issues.

It isn't until later in his character development that he learns to be okay with relying on others for help, that there are people who truly care about him, and that asking for their support isn't the burden or 'weakness' he believed it to be.

“I just feel like no matter how hard I try... I'm not strong enough to climb out of that hole.”

"Anyway... I just wanted to thank you for taking care of me. And I want you to know that I'm going to take things a little more seriously from now on. I don't want to be a burden on anyone…"

"You know, I sometimes forget that I really do have friends, people that care about me. And it's okay for me to rely on them... it doesn't make me weak.”

----------------------------------------------------------------------

How Enneagram 5w6 changes typical ISTP behaviour:

New Strengths

1. More Introverted

ISTPs are introverts and ISTP 5w6s are even more introverted. They have a lower social battery than typical ISTPs and need extra time alone to recharge. However, this doesn't mean they aren't assertive. They will put their foot down when they need to.

Examples:

“I hardly know you. Why are you talking to me?”

“What's the point of talking to me? I don't want any friends.”

“...I don't feel like talking to anyone.”

“It's a lot of effort to be friends with someone. It's easier to just be alone.”

2. More Loyal

"ISTP 5w6s are loyal people...Because [type 6] is their wing, ISTP 5w6s will have a measure of loyalty. Their loyalty extends to their friends, family, and even their workplace. While this is true, their loyalty will never be as strong as a core type 6." - Personality Hunt

Examples:

“I... Well, I won't be living here forever, and I wanted to pass something on to Jas. I've been teaching her how to care for them.”

“I guess I've grown attached to Marnie and Jas. We're a ragtag bunch but it kind of feels like a weird family. I never really had much of a family as a kid.”

“I need to keep it together for Jas' sake. I don't want to be a bad role model for her.”  “I'm kind of like a father figure to Jas. I just hope I haven't let her down too much.”

“Shane's hard at work. He doesn't seem interested in talking.”

“I may keep to myself a lot, and I may seem unhappy sometimes... but I do appreciate all the work you do. I'm a lucky guy.”

3. More Creative

ISTPs aren't known for being traditionally artistic, but they can be incredibly creative in their own way. This is even more true for ISTP 5w6s. They love to work with their hands and show their creativity in practical ways.

Examples:

"My special blue hens... I've been raising them in secret for the last few months.”

“We'll have the best eggs in the whole valley! Fresh and healthy, with rich golden yolks. Not like those pale, sickly Joja eggs...”

“Sounds great. I'll have to create a bunch of practical effects to make it look cool.”

"Hey! I want you to be in this shot... okay? Just walk by Clint and Emily in the background while they're talking... It'll give the scene a little more authenticity.”

4. More Cautious

ISTPs aren't known for being cautious. Their Extroverted Sensing [Se] makes them more prone to taking risks and testing new ideas. Being Preceievers means they also love being spontaneous. ISTP 5w6s are different. While they also enjoy these things, they are more hesitant and risk-averse than typical ISTPs.

This is because type 5 is interested in self-sufficiency, while type 6 is interested in being secure. They don't want to do anything that risks losing either of these, so they are much more cautious when taking risks or making decisions.

Examples:

“A chicken will never let you down. Humans, on the other hand...”

“It's weird, when I was younger I swore I'd never have a kid. I wonder what happened to me?”

“Hey. Sorry if I came off as rude when we first met. It takes me a while to warm up to strangers.”

5. More Prudent with Spending

Due to their cautious nature, ISTP 5w6s will be less impulsive with their spending, preferring to be more prudent with their finances. However, this doesn't mean they'll be perfect at budgeting or sticking to a budget.

Although Shane spends exorbitant amounts of money on beer and liquor early in-game, once he starts getting treatment for his mental health issues, we see him begin to spend his money much more wisely and carefully, like in his 8-heart cutscene with Jas.

Examples:

"I've cut back on an expensive habit. I have a lot more spending money now!”

6. More Logical

ISTPs are Thinkers, and being a type 5 makes an ISTP's logical thinking even more pronounced. This can have its pros and cons. A positive is ISTP 5w6s can make very sound logical decisions, but on the flip side, they can be insensitive to the feelings of others.

Examples:

“Life isn't fair, and I can't help but feel bitter about it.”

“Do me a favor... when I pass away, use my dust to fertilize some corn for the hens.”

“If I watch more TV maybe I can forget about life. That would be relaxing.”

“Sigh*... If only we could send the kids off to Joja work-camp for a season...I'm just kidding.”

New Weaknesses

1. More Detached

Type 5s are prone to becoming detached if absorbed in their hobbies or passions. This can harm an ISTPs relationship with friends and family if they aren't careful.

Examples:

"Welp... got my year's supply of Vitamin D. Now I can play video games with the blinds shut the rest of the year.”

“Ah... this is the life. No responsibilities, Tunnelers game tonight, fridge stocked with all the goodies a guy could need.”

“If you need to go see your friends in town, go ahead. I'm happy in the company of the TV and a couple of tall boys.”

“Ooo... my throbbing head. How many did I have last night?”

2. Fearful

Type 5 and type 6 are both in the Fear Triad, making 5w6s fearful people. This fear often influences their decisions, and combined with their need for self-sufficiency, can cause them to be stuck in a situation for too long.

Examples:

"You know, Charlie... I was thinking... A guy like me is always teetering on the edge of despair... know what I mean?”

“Here's a chance to finally take control of my life... These cliffs... bu... *blaap*... but I'm too scared, too anxious. Just like always...”

3. Prefer to Play it Safe

"Fear, cautiousness, and worry are all factors that influence their preference to play it safe. This usually means little or no risk and a lot of pessimism. While this has its benefits, the drawbacks are also obvious. ISTP 5w6s will miss out on opportunities and life in general by playing it too safe. - Personality Hunt

Examples:

"Every time I try something new it goes horribly wrong. You learn to just stay in a shell."

“Why try? Life's just a roll of the dice. When they rolled mine, the dice fell off the table.”

“You ever feel like... no matter what you do, you're gonna fail?... Like you're stuck in some miserable abyss and you're so deep you can't even see the light of day?”

4. Lower Energy Levels

Type 5s live in their heads. This, combined with ISTP's dominant function Introverted Thinking [Ti], they spend a lot of time logically breaking things down and reassembling them in their minds. This takes up a lot of energy, making implementing their ideas harder for ISTP 5w6s.

However, ISTPs are still action-oriented and will always strive to be somewhat productive.

Examples:

"Hoo... Feels good to rest these hams. If anyone needs me, I'll just be sitting here, marinating.”

“Buhh... I don't feel like being productive today.”

“Farmer, should I do something useful today?... or just nap forever?”

“I guess... if I had some pants I might've gone outside today... but, nah.”

------------------------------------------------------------------

Conclusion

Due to his substance abuse and mental health issues, typing Shane was more challenging than the others. Though it can be hard to type fictional characters with 100% accuracy, given what we know about his character, how he responds to dealing with his alcoholism and depression, and his personal growth throughout the game, I believe there is strong evidence to suggest that Shane is an ISTP 5w6.

His Enneagram type 5 desire for self-sufficiency and independence, paired with his MBTI cognitive strengths as an ISTP, makes watching his character transform from a prickly, self-isolating man with severe alcohol addiction and spiralling mental health, into a brave, hard-working, and loyal friend/partner to the farmer heartwarming and inspirational.

Do you agree that Shane is an ISTP 5w6? If not, what type do you think he is? Let me know your thoughts in the comments :)

--------------------------------------------------------------------- References:

Personality Hunt: ISTP 5w6 - The Complete Guide

[covid-safer-hotties]

Also preserved in our archive

by Sam Williams

My name is Sam. I am 52. I am doubly disabled. I am Autistic and I have been disabled with long Covid since 15 March 2020.

There are two parts to my disability experience. The first part is the disability itself. That’s really bad. The second part is how society treats me and people like me. That’s much worse. The UK is in deep denial about long Covid and about all disabilities. Society both ignores and shames me.

My feeling of social abandonment is total.

One in four people in the UK are disabled and our numbers are growing. Around 4% of the UK have long Covid. A recent survey showed that one third of all health care workers have long Covid symptoms. 1% of all kids have long Covid.

Long Covid continues to grow because of the deep denial.

Labour is proving to be much worse than we thought Being disabled under a Tory government was awful. I had no idea that it would be so much worse under the Labour Party. You know that saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. It’s not true.

Something has happened to the Labour Party. They have become obsessed with economic growth. To Labour growth is the only metric of prosperity and success. As a consequence, paid work is now the only unit of worth. As soon as the general election was over, Keir Starmer was talking about the need to get the long-term sick into work and most Labour ministers on the media round started talking about ‘economic inactivity’.

Economic inactivity is a rather derisory and inaccurate name for people on benefits. It’s inaccurate because I receive DWP PIP, and every single penny of my benefit money re-enters the economy. Not only has Labour become obsessed with economic growth, they keep talking about wealth creation, like something out of the 1987 film Wall Street. For Labour, wealth creation may only be achieved through paid work. I started feeling that for Labour worklessness is worthlessness.

Writing in the Telegraph Keir Starmer said “hand outs from the state do not nurture the same sense of self-reliant dignity as a fair wage”. In one stroke, Starmer denigrated stay-at home-parents, carers and people on benefits. It’s a deeply conservative position, and devalues half of all contributions to society.

Chronically ill and disabled people are not scroungers On 17 July, I posted this on Twitter:

The New Labour Government has created 2 tiers of people, people who do paid work are of value, people who create wealth and economic growth are to be celebrated. Everyone else is completely worthless. That’s the story they are telling. I have never felt less valued.

To my mind, a kind and virtuous society cares about people out of work for their own sake, a kind and virtuous society acknowledges that those who do unpaid work are valuable contributors to society, a kind and virtuous society acknowledges and makes space for disabled people and where possible tries to make them better and give them the best care. Labour isn’t behaving like a kind of virtuous society.

Here’s the thing, people with long Covid want to work. They want their health back. We can’t do that without treatments and medication. At present, the Labour government is doing nothing to help.

Recently, respiratory physician David Joffrey wrote:

It is crucial that issues around plans for rehabilitation and return to work strategies appreciate that the vast majority of long Covid patients will never achieve anything close to their prior function.

As the year has gone on, Labour politicians have been drip feeding more and more scare stories to the media.

Gaslighting and re-traumatising people with long Covid Talk of migrating of all benefits into Universal Credit, reducing PIP to vouchers, cutting the benefit bill down. It emerged recently that the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) launched a consultation on disability benefit cuts. It did so despite failing to work out how many of us would get a job as a result of having our benefits removed.

I was getting more and more upset. If it wasn’t Wes Streeting pushing weight-loss drugs on the overweight unemployed, it was Liz Kendall sending work coaches to see the mentally ill in hospital.

My friend Dr Jenny Ceolta-Smith has long Covid. On 21 October, Jenny made a video on the stigmatising language of economic inactivity and long Covid for the Greater Manchester Coalition of Disabled People. The video was to be my inspiration.

Jenny asks:

Will there be a pathway within our Social Security system for us to live well, if we cannot work? Economic inactivity rhetoric causes us harm. It is distressing, fear inducing and has led some of us to have suicidal ideation.

Jenny reminds us that many people became disabled with long Covid in the workplace due to inadequate safeguards. And it’s not just the workplace I don’t feel safe in. I am being cut off from feeling safe when I go to the shops, to the doctors, to visit family.

My friend Anne has long Covid and she is losing her job because she is no longer being allowed to work from home. On 22 October, I woke up in profound distress. I was in tears, which is incredibly rare for me as an Autistic person.

I made a video in an attempt to explain what I have been experiencing.

Worthless and invisible There’s a book called The Body Keeps The Score: it’s about how our bodies absorb and retain trauma. That’s what my video is about. I suddenly realised that a combination of the social abandonment and the toxicity of the Labour Party rhetoric has been making me feel worthless and invisible:

So much so, that I have been neglecting to look after myself in the most basic ways.

I have been able to carry on being of service to my family but not to myself. For example, I have been forgetting to keep myself clean, let alone perform any personal grooming.

I have absorbed the Labour Party message that I lack the “same sense of self-reliant dignity”.

I’m crying as I write this.

I made a vow to try to look after myself a bit better. Let me tell you the results: I have been in a Long Covid crash ever since. I don’t have the energy to look after myself and cook the dinner and walk the dogs. I have had to spend a lot more time in bed during the day. I’m more disabled than I thought.

I have continued to feel upset. The video seems to have meant a lot to everyone who’s seen it. I wish the Labour cabinet was brave enough to watch it. The best feedback is from clinical psychologist, Dr Jay Watts:

What Sam captures so powerfully, though, are the quieter, equally devastating effects on our everyday lives—the struggle to feel worthy of basic self-care, like moisturizing our skin or nourishing our bodies. How can we care for ourselves if no one cares for us? Our interdependence, whether working or not, is not just about survival; it’s essential to our humanity, to our drive to live. Sam reminds us of the real cost when we let policies assign value to human lives.

Long Covid: are out lives cheaper than everyone else? As I finish writing this, life seems cheaper than ever.

The minister for public health, Andrew Gwynne, has confirmed that Labour hasn’t bought any of the much-needed alternative Covid vaccine Novavax. If you’re clinically vulnerable, or susceptible to vaccine injury, your only option is to pay for it and travel to wherever it’s available.

Sadistic DWP Secretary Liz Kendall still won’t reveal if PIP payments will be replaced with vouchers.

I am more disabled than I thought.

I am so glad I have written this article, and it has taken a terrible toll. It has dramatically worsened by Long Covid neurological symptoms, and made me feel really ill. If it causes a few people to rediscover their humanity and make space for me in the world, it will have been worth it.

[catgirlxox]

thoughts on ester and ben? i didnt really like her and ben when i first watched omniverse but i brushed it off as me being petty cause i only really cared about benrook lol, idk why but to me it seemed like ben wasnt really that into her and was just going along. however, i see people (mostly on reddit) say she was perfect for ben and im just like, uhm- did i miss something? i do kinda feel bad for her cause i think ben should have at least made it clear he didnt want to commit to her from the get go but idk, i skipped every other scene she was in LOL

oh thank fuck someone else said it.

I HEAR THIS SHIT EVERYWHEREEE 🙄 LMAO like I get it, she's considered the better option because she's not insulting him every other second, trying to use him for something, guilt tripping him over choosing to do his job instead of giving her attention 24/7, she has alien powers and therefore fits into the fighting crime aspect of the series. I understand that. But...in that case, it's like a band aid solution? They just didn't repeat the problems the "bad" love interests had, and by process of elimination, she’s the better option out of a bunch of debatably bad options.

But besides checking all those boxes, it's kind of a boring pairing. I think that's the real thing here that wrote them into a corner and contributed to kicking her out in favor of Kai the drama starting bitch with an attitude who tries to "challenge" Ben and create some kind of fucked up chemistry. It does give them something to make a plot from.

Ben 10 isn't and never was a romance focused show, so I don't think we need to expect an amazingly crafted romance plotline from it. And if people are content with a satisfactory romance, they can be. But again, if you want MY opinion, it's boring.

No wonder it seemed like Ben wasn't really into her 😂

To be fair, I have made a (less petty) point here that I do still agree with - they're teenagers. Dating around and things not working out isn't uncommon, unrealistic or unreasonable. Yeah, the romantic subplots could have been planned out better, but the argument can be made that the teenage years are for that kind of exploration.

But also actually you know what fuck that I put together a new tag for my petty posts about the bitches cause it's my blog and I get to bitch about whatever I want. You're welcome? haha

[thestargayzingheroine]

My Adventures With Superman - A Rambling Set Of Thoughts

Okay, I know I don't USUALLY make posts like this and I especially hate getting cynical and nitpicky about these sorts of things because I just don't wanna contribute to all the negativity on the internet... But this is something I just couldn't shake.

So last night I watched the first season of My Adventures With Superman and... I have a lot of mixed feelings about to be brutally honest which is a shame because I know SO many people really loved this show.

Spoilers for season 1 obviously

For the most this show is great and it has a good foundation for Superman and gets him and his relationship with Lois so right. I love how Clark is this big, soft himbo twink dork who really reminds me of Adora from She-Ra and Lois is this fun tomboy who falls head over heels for him. And to be honest, all of their moments were genuinely the highlight of the show for me. SERIOUSLY ITS LIKE CLARK AND LOIS BUT MADE FOR SAPPHICS LIKE ME AND I ADORE THEM

I love the art style and animation too and really does put a very fresh new aesthetic on DC stuff. Sure, it's a bit too much like She-Ra and Voltron in places, but for DC, it's a really good breath of fresh air. Seriously, look at the designs of Deathstroke and Livewire!

But sadly, that's not all the show is and this is where I have to sadly talk about my negatives with it.

Sooooo… this show was written a lot of the same people who wrote She-Ra and it seems to be a big fan of various anime things too, especially Dragon Ball Z and Neon Genesis Evangelion.

To that end, the show has basically... turned Superman into a mixture of Adora and Goku, not just in terms of personality traits and in Adora's case, her relationship with Catra (Seriously, if Clark was a woman and blonde, I would swear she and Lois would just be Catradora)

This sadly does apply to how this show portrays the Kryptonians, who are implied to MOSTLY be a race of evil conquerors who tried to attack Earth only for Krypton to be destroyed. This is VERY similar to how the First One's were depicted in She-Ra, as well as how the Saiyans were in Dragon Ball Z. One could also argue that their attack on Earth is a weird mashup of the movie Arrival and the Second Impact from Evangelion but that's me getting very nitpicky.

So naturally, we have Adora and Goku's traits being applied to Superman. And…. those traits don't really work for Superman, at all. Now I should be clear, it seems to be that Jor-El and Lara were actually like rebels fighting the evil Kryptonians (which is ironically Mara's whole deal... you seeing the She-Ra pattern here yet?) but like... I don't like this idea at all. Poor Clark even has a fucking breakdown later on and thinks he's actually some evil weapon meant to conquer Earth AGAIN just like Adora from She-Ra being used as a weapon by the First One's. And I just feel bad for him because he's trying to be the good decent Superman we all love... but he's getting dragged into this plot that pretty much breaks him... and I don't really like it.

And then there's a whole subplot about Lois meeting alternate versions of herself and discovering alternate versions of Superman who are evil (which is bizarrely how Kryptonite is introduced in this show) which.... yeah I don't like that plot either. Nor am I the fan of Task Force X pulling the whole "the Government is treating clark as hostile because they think he's an evil alien" plot which I have gotten kinda tired of seeing in a lot of modern Superhero media. It's either Superheroes being hated or hunted by the government or being made to work for them.

And you know where this all probably came from for this show in particular? Fucking Zack Synder and Man of Steel. It's kind of ironic because a lot of this show feels like its in response to the Synderverse, like it feels obligated to comment on how people see Superman now because of those crappy movies, something that I know James Gunn is probably gonna do as well with his superman movie basically a live action version of Superman vs the Elite.

And just…. no, none of this shit is really necessary nor is it a good idea. Because it kinda takes away some bits of Superman that I like. I know the show isn't done yet but… I can already make a good guess of where it's going to go. And where it's going… idk if I'm gonna like a whole lot.

It is clearly a show wanting to be different from all that has been done before with Superman…. but by being different for the sake of it, it's doing a lot of stuff I just don't like.

I just want there to be a day when we get a Superman thing that doesn't have to justify the man's own existence and role in a story because some objectivist edgelord made a bad movie with him in it eleven years ago.

So yeah, by turning Superman into more or less mostly Adora from She-Ra... I think they might have messed him a bit in my eyes. I hope season 2, whenever that comes out hopefully pushes things in a more hopeful direction and I could genuinely call this a good adaption of Superman. Because there is so much potential with just from the relationship of Clark and Lois alone that tells me that these creators just GET how Superman's character is.

So yeah, I hope that long rambling thought made sense.

[thoughtfullyrainynightmare]

Hello! Can I have a Matchup with a Male please for the event? I'm a 24-year-old straight female who uses she/her. I’m an INFP Libra sun sign with a 9w1 enneagram. I’m a very spacey and forgetful individual who tends to stay more indoors but tries to welcome new experiences wherever I go. I’m the kind of person who remains quiet until I become close with someone then I’m free to be a dork. Building relationships with others isn’t something I pursue unless it occurs naturally. When it comes to my health, sometimes I view myself as limited because of my disease even when that is not true. I worry that I’m too much for people when it comes to my passions. I try to make jokes or sassy comebacks, but I'm not that clever when it comes to that. I second-guess myself a lot too, but I usually push that aside and dive into whatever my choice was. I’ve also been described as generous, childish, excitable, playful, mischievous, stubborn, and imaginative. I may not know how bad situations can get but I always try to bring comfort to other people. Plus, I want to improve my health by getting physically fit. Currently, I'm hoping to find work as a librarian. My love language is a tie between physical touch and quality time! I love the idea of cuddling in bed with my partner as we exchange kisses. I might also like words of affirmation, but I have a hard time accepting praise. As for my giving love language, I think it would be acts of service because I want to be both a strong partner for them and do little things to ease their mind.

Likes: Drawing, designing costumes, walking, animals, soft blankets, notebooks, the smell of home-baked food and a campfire, going somewhere new, the supernatural, true crime, animated movies, cosplay, anime/cartoons, sweets, working in archives, libraries, friends, and family.

Dislikes: Rude disrespectful people, loud noises like fireworks, my personal space being invaded, narcissists. People who don’t value others.

I hope this isn’t too much information. Sorry in advance if it is.📚

Hello!

I thought of a few characters, but as a matchmaker I would set you on a blind date with...

William Vangeance

William is a quiet, gentle person despite being a Magic Knight captain. And he is a deeply empathetic person despite his crimes; in fact, it was his nature that tries to understand others that ultimately contributed to him not being able to choose between his friend (Patri) and his mentor (Julius). Though the situation was complex and nuanced, he doesn't claim that he wasn't in the wrong, but felt deep gratitude to Julius for giving him another chance.

He is also a little bit shy and awkward when it comes to personal relations. As a knight and a captain? He can work around that paradigm without an issue, but when it comes to opening up to a person about who he is himself, as William, that is more difficult.

He's also able to understand feeling restricted because of a condition, because his scar has left a mark on him, and he does harbour insecurities about it still. So, he'd very much appreciate if his spouse would understand that aspect of life as well. That it's not always that easy.

His childhood didn't also allow much for mischief or being playful, so a spouse who can be a little bit quirky around him and with who he can learn to be a little bit silly, will bring light to his soul. He also enjoys spending time in the garden, and has bird feeders around, so that there are always animals around the base as companions, but despite of it he's not exactly an outdoors-y person, but prefers to stay inside.

The library and archives of the Golden Dawn would be at your disposal, because he'd like to make your time there as comfortable as possible. He is very much about giving and providing, especially now that he is in a position to do so. And partially because he knows that he has done wrong, he'd appreciate a spouse who can help him see the bright side of the situation.

As a way of showing his affection, he'd pick up poetry to try and give you words of affirmation that you deserve. Because he doesn't want a day go by where you don't know just how much he loves and cares for you.

William would be a soft person who'd try to work around your boundaries and what you're comfortable with, while trying to figure out how to express himself in the beginning. But once things get rolling, you'd see just how caring and gentle he can be. Sometimes it is similarities that attract, though you do have some differences between yourselves as well to mix things up ;)

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for betraying my friends to protect them?

So I (17m) am sort of the defacto leader of a group of other kids (9-18, all genders). We work together for a huge corporation, which is run by P (52m). Our job isn't great, but we're pretty much the reason the company makes any profit since we contribute most of the sales. We don't complain, usually, because even miserable work is better than starving, or ending up in jail.

Well, recently P decided to make our jobs worse by charging us more money for the products that we sell, making it harder for us to earn the profit we need to be able to eat. Me and a new kid, D (16m), kind of impulsively decided to start a strike. things were going well for the most part until the cops showed up to strike break, and people got hurt. my best friend got arrested. the juvenile detention center in our city is famously terrible, and having survived it myself twice I know how bad it can be. the last time I was arrested, I was beaten and starved until I escaped and changed my name to avoid being caught again. knowing my best friend was going through that kind of broke my will to keep going with the strike, until D pointed out that if they were cracking down so hard on us, they must be scared of what we were trying to do.

i was ready to keep going with the strike, until my past caught up with me. the man who runs juvie, S, recognized me in news reports about the strike, and went to P about it, who went to the mayor of the city to insist that I be arrested and the rally we had planned for the strike be shut down. I didn't know any of this, obviously, until the cops showed up at the rally with S and pretty much all of us were arrested. the reporter who had been covering the strike posted bail for the rest of my kids, but I had a separate arrangement and ended up being taken back to P's mansion because he wanted to offer me a deal.

basically, P told me that if the strike kept going he would make sure that D, D's little brother L (9m), and everybody else I cared about would end up in juvie if I didn't agree to call off the strike. If I did agree to take back everything I'd said, he'd pay for me to move out of the city, which is something that I've dreamed of doing forever.

Here's where I may be the asshole: I took the deal. The next morning, I showed up to work and scabbed. I didn't explain myself because I knew it wouldn't make anybody feel better, and I would rather have them angry at me than continuing to strike and ending up hurt or worse. D tried to continue the strike without me, but morale was down and it was hard for them to keep going, which felt terrible but was what I wanted to happen.

So, aita?

[dgcatanisiri]

I saw a critique of Picard season three put forward as "a story about how only boomers can save the day from the bad thing," and... I can see it, I'm not saying that it's an invalid critique, but at the same time, I don't think it's altogether fair.

Like, for one, I feel like if there's any age-based or generational-base of the storytelling, it's in the realm of "being old does not mean you have nothing to contribute." Which is kind of a big deal when most of the time in media, you see Hollywood specifically trying to draw in and appeal to the demographics of youth, to hook them in and hold them for life. Meanwhile, Picard centered on a character in his nineties played by an actor in his eighties, and aside from Jack Crusher and Sidney La Forge, every major character and actor in the season was older than forty, at least, with the TNG cast all over sixty, with only two under seventy.

It's a pretty big deal, especially when you remember that the last time that Star Trek was directly addressing the aging of its cast, the characters involved were in the fifty/sixty range, and talking like they were near the end of their years of being able to contribute something, that they'd come to the end of their road and were just going to fade away soon after. So while the TNG characters weren't necessarily on the front line and acting as line officers, doing the day to day field work, they were also very clearly shown as being able to contribute to the world they lived in, being able to make the difference.

Plus the framing of Seven of Nine, I feel, makes a refutation of the idea as well - she is, despite being a returning character we the audience already knew, at the head of the "new generation," we see that throughout her framing, particularly in her relationship with Shaw. Not just with her advancement to captain, but also in particular in that last message from Shaw in the finale, where he acknowledges that he's representative of the old ways standing in her way and that if she's writing a new book, it's because the old one needs to be rewritten.

Now, maybe you could look at this in like a "boomers versus millennials/Gen Z" thing, but - and maybe it's just my general trend towards optimism, particularly in my Star Trek - but what I see is NOT generational conflict, but more of a call for generational UNITY. Y'know, the first half of the season, we saw how Sidney's faith and trust in Seven helped save the Titan, because she respected Seven to call her by her name, stopping the infiltrator. Although it was part of the Borg hijack, Jack's connected nature helped to save the day multiple times. And Seven also trusted that Picard and crew could do something against the Borg.

Hell, I could even take this further, and call this a metaphor AGAINST generational conflict, that it's saying that others will try to use generational differences to divide and disrupt, and we need to overcome that - this is something I KNOW I've seen talked about plenty on Tumblr, how we have all this stuff trying to pit millennials and Gen Z against one another, in the same way that millennials and the baby boomers are. That this is an effort by the forces of power (power that goes beyond generation) to keep the masses divided against one another so that they aren't a threat to that power structure.

Because sure, the Supercube and the Borg Queen were destroyed by the TNG crew flying in and saving the day, but Seven and company retook the Titan and held off the assault on Earth long enough that they could do that without Earth and the Federation falling, and a major point is that Jack had to CHOOSE to leave the Collective, that it had to be his decision. Everyone had to work together for that happy ending, rather than alone.

Maybe I am being overly optimistic and taking the best faith interpretation at the expense of something else being involved and at play... But then, isn't that something that Star Trek has always tried to ENCOURAGE, to believe the best in things?

[josephtrohman]

I don't know who else to express my conern to, but... it seems to me that Joe hasn't been wearing his wedding ring lately? I first noticed it in the China pics and thought maybe he just forgot it at home or something, but I did a quick look through 2ourdust pics and it seems to be missing then, too??

i was going to answer this when i saw it in my inbox yesterday but tbh i genuinely got too high last night to type coherently LMFAOOOO. BUT this is the RIGHT PLACE to express this concern because i actually am a slightly insane person who pays like TOO MUCH attention to wedding rings due to the fact that they make me Feel Ways, so i actually have a lot to say about this!!! i am the co-president of the joe trohman hands and ring committee after all (shoutout ash)…however, tldr: i would say that him not wearing his ring is not a bad sign to ME bc of the evidence on this matter. and i’m putting it under a cut cuz i kind of typed a lot here 😭

joe didnt wear his wedding ring almost at all on tourdust or eurodust either (there’s the joe coffee run picture that he’s wearing it, but i believe that was taken in la, and he lives in la, so he could have just dropped it off at home or whatever lol), but it actually goes much further back than that! iirc joe started first inconsistently wearing his wedding ring in 2017 or so, and he and his wife had a baby the next year, so it is not necessarily the sign of a split or anything that he is not wearing it :-)

there could be many many reasons that he doesn’t wear it while touring/playing. it may be the case that he doesn’t like to travel with it for fear of losing it, especially considering his ring was upgraded recently ish it seems. see the pics below, left picture=2019 or so i believe, right picture=early 2023 from the hmlag shoot. as you can see the new ring has a different design, there’s some carving or maybe there’s even like diamonds in the band idk it’s hard to see fully, but it really could be the case that it’s a much more expensive ring, thus not wanting to travel with it because of the cost to replace if he lost it

there are also other personal reasons he may choose to not wear it: it could be for fluctuating finger sizes due to medical reasons or weight changes (i am not implying it looks like he gained or lost weight lol it doesn’t seem that way, but even small weight changes that are invisible to us can impact your finger size, or a high-sodium diet can contribute the fingers swelling more, so on and so forth), it could be the case that it’s become uncomfortable to play in (as an example, there’s that one video from 2013 or so of an acoustic performance where patrick removes his wedding band because of the slide sound it’s making on the neck of the guitar, so it’s not inconceivable that a wedding ring could get in the way/be uncomfortable for playing in), or SOOO many different reasons that he stopped wearing it that we may not know about (and that’s ok!!)

during their last show (or maybe one of their last shows? i can’t remember for sure but def a december 2023 show) he brought out this lil number which appears to be a silicone ring. and he only used this for one show and hasn’t brought it back since, but it just may not have been an alternative that worked for him. i know for example my uncle had a bad allergic reaction on his hands when he tried to switch to a silicone wedding band, so maybe something similar could have happened to joe with this silicone band, or just not liking the feel of it, etc

another piece of evidence that i think should soothe you as well, he was wearing his real ring during his christmas video, even if he wasn’t wearing his ring almost at all during 2023 tour :)

as well, i’m not going to include the pics (but you can find it easily on meredith’s reel lol), but marie was at andy and meredith’s wedding too, just another lil piece of evidence that im not concerned about the state of their relationship :)

lastly, its important to know that he has marie’s initials tattooed on the inner part of his ring finger (the m is covered up by his wedding band in these pics but i can’t find others where it’s more visible lol), so even when he’s not wearing his wedding ring, it’s like she’s always with him :-) and i bet that’s part of the reason that he doesn’t seem overly concerned with finding an alternative band, because functionally the tattoo still shows his commitment to her <33

aside from all of this even, im not worried about their relationship; joe has been head over heels for her from the moment they met, so i think they will be together forever and ever 💖 (and well god forbid if they do ever split i may have to cermet soup of side bc i love them so much…yes im a crazy insane joegirl yes i like rpf BUT ALSO yes i love marie and their relationship in general WE EXIST. do they need a third or perhaps another dog i can bark etc etc)

[whattraintracks]

13. Worthless - TMNT 1987

Some thoughts on Raphael, master of disguise.

There's this scene in "Raphael, Turtle of a Thousand Faces" (s05e16) that I think about a lot.

So Raphael is taking a remote class on undercover detective work, and the other turtles make fun of him practicing disguises for an assignment. Splinter checks on him after he storms off, and it's such a short conversation, but I think there's more going on under the surface.

First of all, Splinter's reaction to learning about the class is hilarious. His face is fun to watch and he's so baffled he literally gasps. But then you can tell he tries to be patient and understanding. I wish I knew what he was thinking. Is it, why would you want to be anything other than a ninja? Or maybe, you've never expressed interest in this before, where is this coming from?? If you've ever worked for a while with the same group of kids or adolescents, you may be familiar with this thought.

At first glance, Raphael's response breaks my heart. He tells Splinter he's taking this class to make "more of a contribution to the mean green team! You know, something special." My immediate thought is that he's feeling a little worthless. But then I step back and wonder if I'm reading too far into it. Taking the time to learn a new skill to better support your teammates is a worthwhile endeavor. This is not, on its own, necessarily an indicator of low self-esteem. But what bothers me is that nobody knew he was doing this. Again, not explicitly a bad thing, but it seems weird to me that he wouldn't involve the other turtles or at least let them know about it so they can support him.

So Splinter, of course, immediately reassures him they're all special. Also not sure what to make of how he says this because it sounds some combination of fond and amused but also just conciliatory. What's interesting is what Raphael says next, and how he says it causes me to question that initial assumption again. He agrees, almost genuinely? Like he says "maybe" but not in a "yeah, I guess" choosing-not-to-argue-but-feeling-otherwise kind of way, he sounds sincere. Now, this could be him saying, well, duh, we're special, how many other crime-fighting turtle men do you know? This would line up with stuff he's expressed throughout the series. But he finishes very showy and cheerfully with, "But I'll be the only master of disguise!" So maybe that first impression was wrong. Maybe this is just a teenager branching out and discovering other interests. Maybe the secrecy was because he was worried the guys would make fun of him—which they did. Or maybe, he wants to distinguish himself from the other turtles, wants his own thing. 

And I wonder why he might feel like he needs his own thing or specialty. One of my favorite parts about the team dynamic in this series is that they don't really have designated roles. Leonardo is the leader in that he keeps them rallied and on task, but they all take turns offering plans and solutions, serving as the distraction, playing bait, or, more practically, just driving or flying. But since Leonardo has a defined role as the leader/master ninja, Donatello as the inventor/the one who gets them out of trouble (see one of my favorite Raphael lines at the end of "My Brother, the Bad Guy"), and even Michelangelo as the chef/pizza guy, maybe he's feeling some anxiety over his own ambiguous role.

But I can't get rid of the feeling that he thinks he's not enough and the others are brushing it off. Especially after their weak apologies—"We didn't know you were actually serious about this disguise thing." Especially as he tries so hard to prove his dedication and skill and ends up in a lot of trouble in the rest of this episode. Especially when he gives up private investigation but immediately throws himself into chemistry at the end of the episode, once again on his own and without help.

This happens in one episode, and as far as I remember, they never talk about it again, but he's my little guy, and I worry, okay! I just want him to be happy and know he's loved and valued.

[tothepointofinsanity]

the new pmmm movie trailer has brought back my Brainrot for the show so ive been re-exploring the pmmm corner of tumblr and

oh my god???? oh my fucking god???? oh holy shit???? oh my goodness gracious your art is so pretty??????? hello???????????

the way you draw sayaka is just fhfhfhfhhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhfhhfhf. yk? the english language does not have the words to articulate how much i love you art and the style of your art. i am going insane. i am losing my mind. every piece you've made featuring sayaka just captures her essence so well and it makes me feral.

sayaka's not my main favorite of the show (sorry sayaka, you rock but kyoko is just too cool with her Christian Guilt) she's a very close second and it makes me so happy to see an artist who just understands her character so well. she's a foolish girl blind to her own fate, desperate to do something special and be someone worthwhile but she's ultimately just a footnote in the grand plan of the universe, she wants to be just and righteous and kind so badly but she's too wrapped up in her own despair to truly be selfless, she can be selfish and callous but that's just because she's human, a human who realized her existence is ultimately an exercise in futility and that fact burns and it hurts so she does whatever she can to make the pain go away but it never does because she's just A Normal, Flawed Girl and that hurts so goddamn much-

i have so many Thoughts about sayaka. she makes me insane on a daily basis and your art just feels like it captures all the screeching in my brain and puts it in the form of some beautiful images. they're so great. you're doing great.

Ah, thank you for the kind words [♡] I appreciate the time you had taken out to write and send this long scroll of a compliment.

I have been told by others that the way I depict Sayaka is "so real" and that it captures her essence most of the time, even though I am not sure what particular elements about her that people in the audience like unless specified. I suppose, personally, whenever I am drawing her, I have to enter her shoes of not just "the frustration of a lovesick teenage girl", "my perceived sense of justice was flawed", but also to accept that resignation is a highlight of her character. A young girl who believes she is unloved despite her desire to do everything Right. A mermaid who cannot swim - futility and uselessness contribute to why Sayaka is a realistic and compelling person to a lot of people watching the show. Whenever I draw her, my brain paints a sketch of her sadness before anything else. The despair of "no matter what I do, this is the outcome" is true to the canon of Sayaka turning into a Witch in every timeline she tries to accomplish this Goodness by being a magical girl, reflecting the reality at large the helplessness girls in general experience on a daily basis.

It is why I find people who hate Sayaka to be...strange, since their prescribed reasons for dislike are mainly how "foolish" her wish and outlook in life was, and how she became irritating to those around her as though Sayaka isn't literally a paragon of not just deteriorating mental health, but to me, people with personality disorders as well, given that there is always a "sense" that the inevitable ending involves everyone actively avoiding you and you will eventually just...fade away into non-existence; a bad memory that no one wants to speak about. It makes me sad. Sayaka is sick, and everyone can smell the rot of magic off her.

Everytime I draw her, I want to capture, perhaps, this exact feeling of resigning to this disease. I don't want to always make the drawings beautiful since her struggles are ugly and difficult and tiresome, and shouldn't be trivialised as a result. She's always trying her best to regain control of her own life, thus being so unmatched in terms of how relatable she is to a lot of people.

I am glad that someone appreciates my works, even if they aren't always consistently quality. •́ ‿ ,•̀

[hogoflight]

AHAHHAHAAH YOU THOUGHT I FORGOT ABOUT THE VAMPIRE AU?? NO!!! my brain is STILL ROTTING

this one is about the muses and I made it really long.

OH YEAH little retcon the castle I mentioned in the post about Apollo’s kids is the one he hibernates(?) in for the winter (I’ll explain this later probably) that Boreas secretly gifted to him when they were dating (given that he is a news anchor(?) He allows Apollo to stay hidden and is proud of him). All his kids, his family and people he’s dated / had kids with are invited to stay for Christmas / the Winter Solstice!

the muses are their own separate coven of vampires that basically spend their immortal lives getting multiple PhDs, immortalising events through literature in as many forms as possible and also general academic stuff. They’re not all blood related because people choose to join when they want at different points in time. It started off with 3 muses in Ancient Greece, then 9 as more forms of literature were invented and in modern times there’s like so many. BUT there’s 9 leaders who are the generally the oldest and most experienced, and also therefore the most powerful and the most connected.

HISTORY TIME:

Apollo when he was an evil Vampire lord thought the muses were really cool and one day dreamed of them writing epics or something about him, and they did. Just. Definitely not in a flattering way! They focused more on the people he hurt and how he got hurt and the ways he changed over the years etc etc because BOY does this interesting guy have an interesting life. He was a fun member of the book club (y’know how it is), and also knows a lot about stuff in general so the muses were content to tolerate his company sometimes. Eventually when he decided to finally bail and stop being a prick (and also went into hiding) he knocked on the muses’ door, started bawling and gave a really genuine, heartfelt speech about how he wanted to stop hurting people and help them in any way he could to make up for Him and they took him in. So yeah Apollo has lived in the muses’ big palace / house / library thing for the past couple centuries and this is where he stayed most of his time (he was homeless for a bit but not anymore!!). Eventually he moved out (mixture of he felt bad about using their resources / big castles making him feel like a Lord again / he wants to stay alone but out of some self-imposed I’m-going-to-make-myself-feel-bad). He left everyone completely for a while, people got worried, he worked towards instead living alone so he could live with himself. Now he has a house which he (tries his best to) decorate very dramatically and feels more permanent and liveable now! He relapses / has bad days where he goes no contact but he’s getting more and more people watching out for him now. HE’S ACCUMULATING LOVED ONES AAAAAAAAOUGH :((.

He funds himself and gets funds for the muses (not a lot at all but he needs to feel like he contributes and they’re kind enough to allow him this) by organising the books / scrolls etc, organising general events, sharing his vast knowledge with people and teaching them things he knows, looking after the cats and making GOOD pancakes for the main 9 every morning (he pretends to complain about this all the time he’s like “I make breakfast for 10 PEOPLE every morning…” but he’s having a lot of fun cooking). Actually he also pretends to grouch about any work he does at all. People are concerned if he doesn’t bc then he’s not feeling too great about himself.

At first people were VERY confused as to WHY there was an GODDAMN SUPPOSEDLY DEAD VAMPIRE LORD just. Sorting the books?? And looking very sheepish?? And oh wow his mascara is very runny OH WOW UM EYEBAGS. yeah IT WAS AWKWARD. But people got used to it and whenever there’s a newbie people always have fun going “yeah you see that guy wearing like 9 feet of scarves grumbling into his hot chocolate? That’s Apollo. The Vampire Lord. He was kind of a prick but he feels really awful about it now. really shows how much can happen in a couple centuries am I right ahaaaaa”

also do I even need to say this. Apollo’s had crushes on all 9 of them and vehemently refuses to acknowledge he still does. Yet another thing newbies gawk at. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN OUR 9 LEADERS SHARE OUR ECCENTRIC SECRETARY. WHAT. w oh hey he’s pretty! WHAT DO YOU MEAN THAT’S THE DEAD VAMPIRE LORD APOLLO?????? DIDN’T HE??? DIE?????” He can absolutely move in with Literally Anyone Else he is friends with but for some reason he is just content with his lonely smallass house nearby.

[mrsarnasdelicious]

German Comic Con May 2023

First and foremost I want to talk about the amazing connections I have made on my very first con. I met people I had already been talking to online and new people who I brought into the Nowalls fold.

I was in amazing company with a vast array of different people, who were all so open minded and so sweet. I had a hoot and I developed myself a bit more, socially. These girls made the con unforgettable and I carry each and every one of them in my heart. They were amazing to hang out with and to chat to and to exchange idea's with. The connections we made will last me this life time.

Saturday was the biggest day for me, I had two photo ops and two autographs planned. Arnas first and then Mark. I could not have been more nervous even if I tried. Especially because Arnas was first, so I got thrown into the deep end big time. But it was sink or swim and Arnas was a lovely life guard.

He was so sweet asking for my name and smiling gently and I could barely get a word out. He asked me if I had a pose in mind, which I did, but I defo was far too nervous and feeling the pressure too much to be able to ask him to dip me. He suggested to just hug me, for which I am very grateful still. People say the photo turned out really good.

He was so warm and so gently and I felt like I fucked it up and was so awkward, but he tried his best with the nervous wreck I was.

Mark was next up and although I was not as nervous, I still felt the pressure a lot and I was very closed off to him, which I am sorry for, Mark did not deserve me locking him out like that. I think he felt it and he tried to make the best of what little I gave him to work with. He suggested we look up in the camera all bad ass and that went as well as I could be trusted with at that moment.

I am not very happy with the picture I took of Mark, but the way he turned it on it's head was when it came time to sign it for me.

I lined up with the giftbag I constructed with the amazing contributions of Nowalls. Mark was very happy to receive his giftbag and thanked me for it, promising he'd look through it later. I confessed to him that his moustache makes him look a lot like my dad. He used to have the exact same moustache in the 90s. So Mark suggested he'd write 'I swear I am not actually her dad' on the pic. I told him to do it, but he changed his mind and said he'd put down a cool film title instead. He came up with '2 Take On the World' and I told him I have to write about that now and he told me I'd better.

My experience with Mark was very pleasant. He is very sweet and kind and is so ready to just have a chat.

He told me about the plans for Nowalls and tried to convince me to participate in their gaming plan, but no dice there, because I am not a gamer, and I have to plan around Fayen. He asked me if my partner was a gamer, trying to get him into the fold too, but I told him that was also not really going to happen.

After Mark I went to Arnas' line.

To say I was starstruck is an understatement. My heart was beating so fast it showed under my skin. I was nervous and excited and amazed by how open a person he is.

I gave him his Nowalls giftbag, which he took and sprinted backstage with it. He returned after a few second, having gone through it and discovering I mixed up something adressed to Alex. So I asked my friend to go swap it from what was still in my backpack. Arnas made the joke he gets confused with Alex a lot. That broke the ice for the most part and I told him not to be like that. Then I gave him the smaller baggie with his birthday gift in. I made him pinky promise not to open it until his birthday and he better keep to that, or I will fly out to London and spank him.

He signed the photo and we had a small chat about where I was from (boy clocked me as Dutch, saying Dutch people always speak English a gentle way, unless they speak Dunglish) and he displayed his talent for Dutch swearwords. We somehow ended up in an exchange about NL having a lot of atheists, and me thinking it is bc we have a lot of academic inclined area's, though I meant to say scientific and Arnas mentioned Karl Jung being Christian.

Then my friend reminded me I had two questions to ask Arnas. The first question was 'What do Sihtric's tattoos signify?' and I at first forgot to specify it's about the finger tattoos, so he asked me which I like better. I said I meant the finger tat, that the scalp tattoo fits Sihtric well, but that I am not very fond of Jormungandr. He made me repeat the Midgard Serpent's name and then I pointed out I am a Norse Pagan (mostly) and he seemed very impressed by that. His answer was initially that the tallies are indeed that, to count how many people he's killed before he met Uhtred. But then Arnas added on that Sihtric might have just really liked tigers and wanted himself some stripes. And I had to be the killjoy to say 9th century England probably did not know tigers. My second questions was 'What is the name of your season 4 horse?' and he first answered with the actor horse name, which sounded pretty but I can't remember for the life of me. So I specified I was wondering about how Sihtric called the horse and Arnas stated it had been Heimdall, in his mind. He did not need to think on it long, either.

And then I gave him my miffy bracelet. He held out his wrist for me to put it on, but the last few links were all jumbled up, so I could not get it around his wrist properly. My hands were shaking a lot and Arnas first told me to take a steadying breath and then sort of cupped my hand with his free one. I did not manage to get the bracelet to close, so Arnas suggested he'd do it himself later in the green home after he'd managed to untangle the last links, but I told him I would really like to do it myself. So Arnas suggested I untangle the last links outside his line and come back to him once I got them undone. It took me a few minutes, together with my friend. I gave a hoot and Arnas was already coming back around his table to receive my bracelet. I was once more shaking and he again cupped my hand, assuring me it's okay and to take it slow. He also said I didn't have to be so careful, but I then said I did not want to cut off his circulation, which he agreed with.

Arnas gave me a good few hugs (against Mark's single, very half arsed hug. It was soo losey goosey) but I asked to be squeezed real tight. I felt so floaty and kind of like I was falling apart and Arnas gave me such a nice firm squeeze that it put me right back together.

After that, I spend time wandering around with my friend and chatting up a storm with all of them. When we left it was raining and my friend and I foolishly spent a lot of time wandering around before we found the hotel. We spent a little while catching ourselves in the hotelroom and then went out to eat with a good group of other girls.

The second day I was feeling really under the weather. I had had an aweful night and felt like hellheim shat me out. But I want back to the con anyway, because I still had Alexander's giftbag and one of Arnas' envelopes had managed to stay in my backpack. My own poem to him, even.

We had the panel to attend to first, though. I lined up for a question and so did one of my friends. I asked the lads where Sihtric's family had gone and Alex answered they were with Stiorra and Uhtred's old age, which is a cop out if I have ever smelled one. But I was too nervous to press him for it and went back to my seat. My friend, mostly inspired by me asked Alex for one last 'SIHTRIC', which he readily did. Arnas, almost reflexively went 'Yes Lord' right away, which was such a joy to see, too.

After the panel we wandered a little (I got myself a huge jumping spider plush) and I went up to Alex' assistant to ask if it was okay for me to give Alex his giftbags, whihc I could, as long as I got somewhere in the front of the line. I managed this and we waited a good long while for Alex to come back from the Photo Ops. By the time I was up, I was desperate for the bathroom. I have the feeling that I rushed through giving him his giftbags, but my friends assure it went well. Alex thanked me warmly and liked the scrabble tile candle I got him.

Once I had sorted my bladder out, I went to Mark's line and asked him for some writing ideas, but did not get much out of him, he really wanted to go on break, which I understand.

I went up to Arnas again and shilled out for a selfie. He asked me how I was and told me a bit on how he was doing and what he had done the prior night, which was so sweet. I took my phone out for a the selfie and the first thing he spotted was the picture on my phonecase, which is of my daughter when she was not yet a year old. I said that it's my kiddo and then turned the case around for the picture of my at the same age. He said he coulda sworn the pics were of the same baby. I showed him a pic of my dad and my kiddo, which is more recent. He loved my dad's garden and wanted to know where in NL it is.

He took two selfies and then made a bit of a face, for which I gave him a gentle slap on the shoulder.

I asked him for example pics of the finger tats, for my tattoo artist, as well. He DMed them over insta and then DMed me again at midnight with the bracelet pic.

I went back for a last hug a bit later on and I might have made a bit of a weird noise. But he's still talking to me on insta, so I did not freak him out with it, too much at least.

I had a blast of a time, even though half of the weekend I felt like utter crud. Paris cannot come soon enough.

💚🦊💚🦊💚