#i feel dumb for feeling so connected to a horror franchise

[adhd-fandom-and-gay]

GUESS WHO JUST FINISHED THE FNaF MOVIE

THATS RIGHT. I DID.

And I'm not spoiling it, but holy fuck that was amazing and I got so hyper afterwards and I tried explaining how important this is to me to my guardians but it probably sounded dumb.

[arcanemadman]

The Castlevania franchise feels like it's getting more and more divided since Netflixvania started and it's getting really bloody frustrating to the point that while watching Nocturne I've felt disquieted, and I think I've realised why that is.

It's the fucking DmC:Devil May Cry white hair fiasco all over again.

For those that don't know, when the DmC reboot was revealed people had a lot of criticism, including turning Dante from a cool but likeable hero into a foul mouthed smoker, the dumbing down of the gameplay, the antagonism towards the fanbase, and turning his iconic white hair black. Of all these criticism, only the hair colour change was given any attention, painting the fan base in a very negative light and side stepping the real issues people had by only focusing on the cherry rather than the whole sundae.

All this attention directed towards something that in the grand scheme of things is very minor but it gets all the attention while the bigger stuff is ignore.

Yes, there are people mad about the show for racist reasons and they shouldn't be listened to, but there are genuine complaints that are being swept up with that.

The character changes have a sort of domino effect on everything. Maria being a serious revolutionary is interesting, but I saw someone put it best that what made her special was the fact that she was a little girl in a world of classic horror that believed she was in a fairy tale and had the power to force that reality on everyone else. Netflix Maria is good, but lacks the charm of Maria.

The second example is Juste. When I saw him I was very excited, but that was mainly because it was acknowledgement of the original canon than anything else. His magical prowess, the thing that makes him stand out among the Belmont linage, is mentioned and then brushed aside, and the worst ending of his game is what is taken as canon. And once Richter gets his magic back, Juste is gone. He feels like a plot point rather than the character. I sympathise with people who's favourite game was Harmony of Dissonance.

Annette was a compelling character with a well developed story, but anyone that says her original characterisation would never work are being disingenuous because they literally did that, except that did so with Tera. The connections to Richter and Maria, the damsel elements, the fact she gets turned into a vampire, all from Annette. Swapping them around wouldn't work for multiple reasons and I'm not going to say I can do better than people you get paid to write when I don't, but I feel I can say that if they had wanted to they could have done something closer to the original while still touching on the themes and narratives they wanted to.

Olrox... honestly the only criticism I can really think of is the removal of any reference to Count Orlock.

There's an elitism with both sides of the fanbase here. On the Netflix side, there's the feeling that since theirs is more popular that any criticism is because people are just nostalgic, and game fans feel that since theirs is the original foundation that anyone that doesn't agree with them is just a new fair-weather fan. And honestly, I'm more sympathetic to the game fans.

I've seen Netflixvania fans look at people complaining that the character have changed and go "yeah well the version you like sucks so you should just grow up" As if that's going to make everything better. And all the people complaining about the race changes or posting "WOKE?!?!?!" have poisoned the well for any actual discussion about this, not helped by the social media accounts deliberately stoking the flames in the mistaken belief that all publicity is good publicity, which raised the ire of nexflixvania creators. Unfortunately marketing can often be removed from the intentions of the creators.

Yes, Netflixvania is a great show, with beautiful animation and great storytelling, but it's not perfect and as an adaptation is leaves a lot to be desired. And that's the crux of it! The show is good, really good! But it doesn't feel like an adaptation of Castlevania. It's just a bunch of little details that pile up to make it less of what the game fans liked about the series. It's more grimdark horror than classic horror. It's more crude than it is philosophical. It's more hopeless than it is hopeful. And regardless of what you individually think, that's what people have liked about Castlevania for almost 40 years.

Ultimately I just have to ask, why do people seem to assume that you can't make a faithful adaptation while also making it interesting? They're not mutually exclusive.

[lifesver]

Im so in love with you and your friends’s interpretations of the victims, can I ask how you and your friends are able to develop such interesting lore for them?

hey anon! this is so, so kind, thank you sm for the message <3 ;; honestly like, i think the best answer is everything my writing partners/pals and i have written on these blogs has been a slow-cooked built over time kind of endeavor! stuff that has definitely changed and developed majorly over the months that we've been hanging around on this goofy website, haha.

i started with this blog back just before the public beta test happened for the game, and for a little bit it was just me and rae sitting here like 'well what if we just made blogs for super niche horror game characters'. which tbh, something rae and i have historically loved to do with our diff muses on diff blogs, just kind of grabbing characters that have limited lore but exist in a cool universe and have a cool 'starting point' to jump off from, sort of. it gives a lot of space to really get creative imo.

ALL THAT TO SAY rae and i were working with like... beta gameplay, character models/cosmetics/baseline lore snippets, and doing dumb stuff like combing through gameplay vids just to try and collect voicelines to see how these characters might interact w each other! and we had some months to wait before the game would actually release, so in that time we simply started crafting our own ideas and it kinda built organically! just sending prompts back and forth, trying to think about what some of the key story beats would be, as if we were retelling a movie or w/e. but i think the most fun part about tcsm is that the inherent gameplay, and how differently each match can go, lends itself well to creating all kinds of different trajectories of where the story Could go, some endings happier than others, some allowing us to explore more dark themes.

for me that's a big part of what keeps me writing on this blog-- the possibilities for exploring, esp within the slasher genre. esp within the texas chainsaw franchise, where imo, the protags are often sidelined/cut down, and where the antagonists can sometimes be more complex and even sympathetic at times. the game itself, despite what the creative team later said, implies that there's the possibility that the victims survive this horrifying event. and there's like, not a lot of exploration done in that area within slashers, i feel? when i do see it, i cheer furiously tbh like hell yeah halloween hell yeah friday the 13th 4-6 hell yeah anoes 1 + dream warriors hell yeah scream movies. i just think there's a lot to expand on in terms of the effects and healing process of trauma, the emotional connection between the characters, and complex dynamics in general that might tend to get overlooked in stories like this usually.

but anyway, through just being silly and passionate, we met our other friends who were equally silly and passionate about the game/genre/franchise/characters/etc, and started slowly connecting our ideas. like sometimes we'll just slam our general verse ideas on the dash, and someone else will start cooking with it and thinking about it, and then we have a whole connected au going. sometimes we'll be writing with each other, and naturally bring up other characters in those replies and it gives a little bit of worldbuilding too.

roleplaying is honestly such a rewarding hobby, bc i get to collaborate with really talented writers and help bring a cohesive narrative together. idk it's like instead of having to sit and write your story by yourself, you got a funny little writers room. except we're all throwing paper airplanes and also crying on the floor sometimes. but like, you naturally get to bounce ideas off each other and learn how your muse would handle certain situations just by interacting with another muse, you know? and i get to read my friends' stuff and go wow! that was a cool use of wording! or wow i really love how they visualized this scene/character thought process, and then i am able to implement certain things to improve how my own writing goes.

when you find writing partners that really Get You on that front and have the same style of worldbuilding as you, it's just really awesome and keeps the passion and muse flowing in a funny echo chamber almost. and it's like, even for people i've written with that haven't stuck around for whatever reasons, sometimes pieces of their portrayals of their own muses will stick with mine, like we all kind of help each other build our character interpretations out. and even if they end up very very canon-divergent as lore is slowly drip fed to us by the devs, we're confident in what we do have built and just kinda change and work things in as we go. it's just nice and no pressure around here, and it's rly just built off of and inspired by each others individual creative passion. ik that's how it is for me, anyway! i love seeing my friends just say w/e random hc about their muse bc then suddenly we might all be talking about a related hc for our individual muses, that kinda thing!

i'm sorry this was super long winded! i hope that kinda answered the question, i got a lil carried away LMAO but thank you again for idk, perceiving our stuff! it's not like fic writing on ao3 so it's always a pleasant surprise when ppl stumble upon our nonsense it's like oh hey man- welcome to our weird little corner!

[neon-green-reagent]

50 Underrated Horror Films: Part 4

What in absolute hell. We made it to part 4? Well, here we go then! Oh, also, links to the other parts: One : Two : Three

Undead : Starting off with an absolute banger. This is an Australian zombie apocalypse film. If you're familiar with Ozploitation cinema, then you know how nutso it can get, and this is a perfect example of just that. The action sequences are wild crowd pleasers, and the plot twists until it nearly breaks off.

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory : I realize that sounds like porn. Just stay with me. It's a giallo! With a werewolf! For me, this was like finding the holy grail. Best of both worlds, truly. With... not the best looking werewolf, but this is an older movie, so cut it a little slack. It turns into a fun mystery with that special Italian flavor to it.

The Outwaters : Everyone was talking about Skinamarink. No one was talking about this. It has a similar conceit. To make a horror film that defies the idea of plot. It starts like your average found footage, then becomes a drug trip straight to the depths. It really does feel like witnessing a cosmic horror story where the horrors are, indeed, impossible to describe.

Tomie : This is the first of me cheating and actually recommending way more than one film. The Tomie film franchise is a series of loose adaptations of Junji Ito's manga of the same name, and there are nine at the moment. They get wild and weird, and they explore parts of Tomie that even the manga doesn't cover. Female monster! You need these in your life.

Murdercise : Low budget silliness trying to be throwback 80s and mostly just being hilarious and noticeably cheap. I love that. It's stupid and seems like the kind of movie that was a blast to make. I definitely felt like I was laughing with them and not at them, which made it feel really charming. A great one for a dumb movie night.

Zombie Death House : Zombies in jail! Directed by John Saxon who strangely didn't case himself in the lead like some vanity project. Rather he plays a character I have dubbed "Colonel Herbert West" if that sounds at all appealing. I mean, it clearly was to me.

Dead Birds : There aren't a ton of horror films that crossover with westerns, so this is a rare gem. A bunch of outlaws take refuge in a deeply disturbed location, and things get super dark.

Satan's Princess : A neo-noir detective story with supernatural evil at its core. Imagine if Angel Heart was dumber and way cheaper looking. With Robert Forster giving a really fun performance and an ending that had me laughing out loud.

Werewolf Bitches from Outer Space : Do you love Troma movies? Do you wish they were worse? Do I have the film for you! With scenes that were clearly filmed without permits. Random bystanders interfering with the production. Terrible werewolf masks. And pizza sex? It's a laugh riot.

Butterfly Kisses : A genuinely upsetting found footage movie that understands exactly how to use the urban legend format. There's a beastie out there that, if you stare at it, it will imprint on you like a baby duck. Then if you blink, it gets a little closer. Try to imagine how long you can go without blinking.

To Die For : Wanna watch a really shitty, late 80s Dracula? Here you go! It's dumber than a box of rocks. No one's motivations make any sense. Dracula seems like kind of a jerk despite being a romantic figure. But most of the actors are hotties and know the silly movie they're in, so it comes out fun in the end. Oh, and no one can agree when it came out. But rest assured I don't mean the one with Nicole Kidman.

Home for the Holidays : Made for TV Christmas slasher! Starring Sally Field. With a whole lot of family drama, which makes it feel authentically connected to the holiday. Merry Christmas! It's March. Ahem.

Welcome to Hell : Heavy metal horror strikes again. This time, a black metal band impregnates and kidnaps a groupie for their dark ritual. She escapes, but they're hot on her trail. The ending is nothing short of a religious experience. WINK.

Isolation : If Alien took place on a farm. With mutant cow fetuses. I swear, there is science that makes some sense of that. And it's not a comedy, I swear! It's actually very nasty with some wonderful body horror.

Dr. Crippen : Based on a real crime of passion and clearly cashing in on the Psycho craze. It's a strange one to recommend, because it's based on a true event, and the movie leans pretty hard in the bad doctor's favor. But it's worth it if you're a fan of Donald Pleasence. He gets to be his strange, little self and also be the star for once.

Tamara : What a mid-2000s romp this is. A good girl gets treated like garbage and goes bad in a witchy-demon-spell kinda way. Jenna Dewan as Tamara is perfect in every way. Gives me the gay.

Dark Harvest : Don't be like "oh, I've heard of that, didn't that just come out last year?" Yep, and everyone ignored it. When it was pretty fucking great. Set in a cursed town that openly sacrifices their kids to a fantastic monster by the name of Sawtooth Jack. His head is full of candy. Like. Go watch it.

Night Screams : Regional 80s slasher where a guy dies getting his face grilled. I'm pretty sure that shouldn't have killed him. And there are like three killers by the end? Did it before Scream, just saying. Enjoy the vibes on this one.

The Third Saturday in October Part Five and Part One : Speaking of slashers. These low budget gems came out last year, and there was a cute, little gimmick to it. You're supposed to watch five, then one. It simulates growing up pre-internet. You walk into the video store, and all they have is part five. You decide to rent it, even though you've never seen the first one. Then a week later, you find one. This really worked for me. Gave me nostalgic feelings. Please, if you watch them, try it this way.

The Vampire Doll : What if Japan made a Hammer film? Well, here it is. With one of my favorite tropes: a super cute couple investigates the horrors!

Night Feeder : Genuinely the best shot-on-video horror film I've ever seen. It actually fooled me. I thought I was watching a bad VHS rip, but no, this was not shot on film. It's stylish, clearly better than you'd expect, weird, dark, and has a really bad rock band in it.

Older Gods : Low budget and full of heart and also Lovecraftian horrors. If you're reading this and care, to me it felt as if someone wrote an original story around Azathoth. Which is cool, because no one ever uses him in anything. Also, if you're like, "so what does that mean?" It means that reality is up for debate in this one.

Cheerleader Camp : One of those that people clamor for when you talk about movies that still need a proper physical media release. I see why. It's extremely fun with its tongue lodged in its cheek. It uses every slasher trope and laughs hysterically while doing so.

Below : I love my underwater horror, and this delivers wonderfully. Haunted submarine, dude. But honestly, that wasn't the scariest part. The plot was cool, and I enjoyed the mystery, yeah yeah. But more to the point, everything that can go wrong... does. Imagine being trapped at the bottom of the ocean in a giant, metal coffin. BRR!

The Werewolf and the Yeti : How many werewolf movies are on this list? Uh, shut up. As I was saying, this is great. Paul Naschy brings a massively enjoyable werewolf flick our way again. With all his swashbuckling charm. By the time the yeti shows up, so much awesome shit had happened that I forgot he was supposed to fight a yeti. I mean...

Subspecies : And how many vampire movies are on this list? SHUT UP I SAID. Anyway. Another where I mean the whole series. All of them. Radu, the main villain, is a joy. Michelle's story arc is super dramatic and full of that Interview with the Vampire angst. Special mention to the second film, which goes all out with the gore effects.

The Hills Run Red : A horror movie about horror movies. A lost film has gained a cult following, and a bunch of dumb college kids decide to track it down. You can guess how that goes. William Sadler steals the entire movie when he shows up. Babyface also has iconic slasher energy.

Abby : This one's underrated because the filmmakers got sued by the guys that made The Exorcist and lost. This is essentially the black version of The Exorcist, and it's so good that I'm depressed we'll never get a great release of it. Carol Speed is amazing as Abby. William Marshall, Blacula himself, is in it. Track this down and get mad about it with me.

The Appointment : What the hell is this. Even I'm not sure. Edward Woodward crashes his car. I mean, I don't know what else to say about it. The film ramps up the tension and dread until a ridiculously Rube Goldberg thing happens, and you have to experience it.

Frostbiter : Another of those movies made with ten cents and a lot of gumption. A bunch of people wanted to make Evil Dead II, and so they did that. They even put an Evil Dead II poster in the cabin they filmed in, so that you wouldn't even wonder about what inspired it. Also, special mention to the chili song.

Hell's Highway : Have you ever seen a movie that was really cheap and goofy, but you could see EXACTLY how it would've looked if they'd just had the money? This is that movie. Every special effect fails. Everything's so awkward and odd. But you can tell what they MEANT for it to be. So bad it's good and then some.

Dance of the Damned : Vampire. Sorry. So this one is about a vampire who wishes he could stop living eternally, because it sucks to live that long and be so alone. He finds a sex worker who is also feeling like she wishes things would just end, and they share their pain with each other. Way better than it has any right to be, mullet and all.

The Werewolf of Washington : Werewolf. I really am sorry. Dean Stockwell plays a truly adorable werewolf. And nothing about it is meant to be taken seriously at all. Gives An American Werewolf in London a run for its money in the goober department.

The Curse of Kazuo Umezu : From the man who brought you The Drifting Classroom comes... this! It's a pair of strange tales. One about a vampire, fuck, I'm sorry. And one about a haunted house that even the narrator can't figure out what's going on. Horror anime!

Lo : A young man has recently lost his love. She was dragged to hell. That old chestnut. So he summons a demon named Lo to try to get her back. With a twist that'll make you go, wait, I thought this was a comedy?

The Spider Labyrinth : This one recently got a really nice release, and I'm so glad, because it's bonkers. A young fella is sent to Budapest to find a lost professor. Instead he finds a cult. Uh oh.

End of the Line : Apocalypse horror that turns your brain inside out just a bit. A religious cult has decided it's the end of the world, and they start executing innocents so they'll "go to heaven." Are they brainwashed or is the world actually ending? You decide!

Off Balance AKA Phantom of Death : Just barely a Phantom of the Opera riff. A pianist discovers he has a rare genetic disorder that threatens to cut his career short. Also, he's kinda losing it. Starring Michael York, Donald Pleasence, Edwige Fenech, directed by Ruggero Deodato, oh my GOD!

The Lure : Killer mermaids. Well, sirens. Kind of a mix. It's also a musical. And about how awful the entertainment industry is for young women. It's also super gory, and they eat people. Truly little else out there is like this.

Redneck Zombies : What do you want me to say? It's a Troma film. It's called... that. I'm pointing. I'm pointing at the title. That's the movie. Just... Right? Yeah?

The Killer Reserved Nine Seats : Another of those gialli that is really just And Then There Were None. But the nice part is that Italy likes to get more sexual, violent, and fucking awful than Agatha Christie ever dreamed. This one also takes place in an old theater, so the vibes are choice.

Mary Reilly : I always include at least one entry in these lists that begs the question, "how did this become underrated?" And obscure, that too. When it's a Jekyll and Hyde retelling with an emphasis on the gothic and lush, starring Julia Roberts and John Malkovich? By the way, I heard people hated it because of Roberts' terrible Irish accent. Damn, dude, I've heard way worse, fake accents than that. Anyway, this is fantastic. Watch it.

The Forest : One of those slashers where I thought I understood what I was getting into, but I did not. There's a man living in the woods who went postal on his cheating wife one day. The ghosts of his family are also haunting the woods. And he's a cannibal who feeds a guy his own girlfriend. I need other people to watch this so that I can be assured it was real.

Autopsy (2008) : I put a year, because there are around 800 horror films with that title. To further narrow it down, it's the one where Robert Patrick plays basically Herbert West fused with Mr. Freeze, and Jenette Goldstein is his nurse, and they chase a bunch of college kids around for science. Kind of a pitch black comedy with torture porn aspects, and I loved it.

Glorious : A guy gets trapped in a public restroom, which is horrifying enough. Then a cosmic horror god starts talking to him from a bathroom stall. He gives him the assignment of helping to stop the end of the world. The god is J.K. Simmons, and the whole thing is a delightful bottle movie.

Nightmare Detective : From the director that brought you Tetsuo: The Iron Man... Do I have your attention? Comes the Japanese Nightmare on Elm Street! That's oversimplifying, but that is my elevator pitch. It involves all sorts of dream powers and psychic battles that will blow your socks off.

House of Lost Souls : Directed by Umberto Lenzi, which means it feels as doobery as Ghosthouse. It's about a hotel desperate to decapitate you, and it has the silliest dialogue and acting known to man. Special mention to psychic powers being cited as a "rational explanation."

The Cleansing Hour : A priest who livestreams fake exorcisms has to rumble with a real demon. Super fun character piece where a conman has to look his sins dead in the eye. Truly obsessed with this one. Also, super fun demon effects. With Kyle Gallner, everyone's favorite scream king.

Deathrow Gameshow : What if Airplane was super violent? Or The Running Man was a dumb comedy? This hits the sweetest spot, where the humor is idiotic and the violence is cartoonishly nasty. This will speak to the sort of person, like myself, who wants their comedy to be indigestible for most audience goers.

Double Blind : This is a very recent release. A diverse group take part in a double blind drug test. Things go so extremely bad. I won't give anything away, because part of the fun is the unfolding chaos.

I can't believe I managed to do that again. Enjoy! I hope you find some new favorites from this list.

[unpopularly-opinionated]

Random update on my journey to become a pretentious film buff:

I've been trying to push for a movie a day, at least. Sometimes two if I'm lucky. Sometimes none if I'm lazy. But after my last post where I watched the entire Alien Franchise (sans AvP and Romulus), here's what I've been watching:

Psycho: Yes, I finally watched the original Psycho. To be honest, I've always had a problem watching older movies, so I was surprised at how easy it actually was to watch this one. It was pretty good, though perhaps for the wrong reason. I was honestly laughing through most of it over just how bad these people were at committing crimes and getting away with them. Like that girl was acting so incredibly sus in front of that cop for no good reason. Anyways, 4/5 stars I guess (I'm using Letterboxd to keep track of this).

X & Pearl: In case you don't know, those are two separate movies but they're related via the main character. I watched X first, and Pearl second. Not sure what the intended order of it actually was though, but whatever. It wasn't too bad in that order. Both I thought were pretty good, though I kind of preferred X to Pearl because I thought the "antagonist" motivations in X were...let's just say unique. I can't recall a time where I've seen that particular motivation used. I gave X a 3/5.

Pearl was still pretty good, I just liked X better. Unless you're an idiot like me, the connection between these two movies is pretty obvious, but it tripped me up at first so I didn't wind up understanding it until the very end. Anyways, this movie's good. 3/5 stars (these are arbitrary lol).

Boy Kills World: The one and only non-Horror movie I watched recently. I'm not exactly trying to focus on horror, it's just sort of accidental at this point. I'm in a horror mood so I'm just bingeing horror movies I haven't seen. I swear I watch other stuff too lol.

Anyways, this movie was about as good as one could probably expect it to be. It's just a cheesy, dumb action flick. The plot is middling, but it works. The plot twist is alright. I didn't see it coming exactly, but I also wasn't like "omg no way, what!?", it was just a thing that happened, ya know? Overall, I think my only criticism is that it felt like it was missing a second act. Bill Skarsgard is insanely nice to look at throughout the entire movie though so that's a plus. 3 1/2 stars.

Brightburn: I'm gonna be honest, I didn't care for this movie. It tries to go with the whole "bad guys win" ending that, to me, just fell flat because I don't really give a shit about the bad guy. I'm not sure if I'm meant to feel for him inherently because he's a child, but he's a pretty boring as fuck child so I wound up not caring when he inevitably won. 2/5 stars.

Smile: This movie was OK, but it really felt like that scenario when someone asks to copy your homework and you tell them to just change a few of the details. The one who's homework they're copying of course is It Follows. They have very similar premises, only instead of the monster passing through sex like a shitty STD, this monster passes through trauma like a shitty ex. Personally, I think It Follows did it better. 3/5 stars.

The First Omen: The last on this update, I just finished this right before writing this and it was alright? So, perhaps controversially, I've yet to see The Omen (watching it literally as I type this) so this movie didn't do much for me. I understand it's setting up The Omen though, so that's where the supposed payoff is, but I personally think movies should be able to stand up by themselves, even if they're connected to a franchise, and I'm not sure this one does.

This movie left me confused. It focuses hard on this young girl, leading you to believe she's vitally important and you reasonably assume she's the key figure or "MacGuffin" in this movie, only for us to find out that she's not, and it's actually the main character who's the important one. But then I'm left wondering why I spent the last hour and a half of this two hour movie focused on a red herring.

Not to mention, there's a lingering question I had by the end when everything is burning down which is... if y'all have the actual fucking Devil chained up in your basement as your demonic sperm donor, why the fuck do you need the antichrist so bad?

I'm also just kind of curious about their overall motivations here. Like, we're told that they belong to a different sect of the church who believes that they need to make bad things happen so that more people are drawn to the faith, which at face-value I'm like okay cool, reasonable motivation I guess. But then what is the plan with the antichrist then? They have him get raised by some well-off politician (to set up the Omen) but then what? Presumably you intend to kill him at some point? Is the idea to let him get powerful enough to show everyone he's the legit antichrist, but not so powerful that he doesn't wind up destroying the world like he's meant to? It's just confusing is all, I don't know. Hopefully the Omen explains it. Or the Omen II. Or III. Or IV lol. Anyways, 3/5.

[trulyinspiringmovies]

Evil Dead Rise

“Evil Dead Rise” banks entirely on Alyssa Sutherland’s performance and puts little into every other aspect of the movie.

Ellie is a single mother raising three kids on her own. Her sister, Beth, comes over to visit to tell her that she’s pregnant. During dinner, Beth accidentally brings up the sensitive topic of her husband, so the kids are asked to leave and get pizza. On their way back, the kids experience an earthquake. The earthquake causes an abandoned part of the apartment to reveal itself. The kids decide to explore and find a mysterious book.

The start of this movie was very promising. After thoroughly enjoying Fede Álvarez’s “Evil Dead” and seeing the high reviews for “Evil Dead Rise”, I was pretty excited. I love it when modern horror installments use contemporary ways to pay homage to the originals and there’s this great drone shot meant to emulate the Deadite POV shot from the originals. There’s also a surprising gore scene in the beginning that just threw me into the action and I couldn’t be more hyped. The opening title was also super creative, so I knew I was in good hands. Then, the movie comes to a grinding halt. We’re introduced to the main family and they just seemed like they hated each other. All of them seemed defined by one character trait, which made it hard for me to care about any of them. On top of that, the older brother’s dumb decision to explore an abandoned part of a decrepit apartment building that just witnessed an earthquake and was scheduled to be demolished next month annoyed the hell out of me. It’s such an idiotic move that only makes sense when you realize the script needs a way for this kid to find the book. Also, why was the book here anyways? 2013′s “Evil Dead” had clear rules for the audience to follow, but “Evil Dead Rise” seems content with not explaining anything. Then a huge chunk of the movie just revolves around the family slowly getting infected one by one. I’ll give credit where credit is due. Alyssa Sutherland is fantastic in this movie. She can definitely carry a horror movie on her back. There’s some decent gore throughout, but nowhere near the level of the previous entry. I think the filmmakers were trying to achieve a happy middle ground with the tone by having the comedy of the original trilogy and the brutality of the remake. For me, it missed more than it hit. The people in my theater seemed to enjoy it, so I guess it’s all subjective at the end of the day. Still, most of my theater was cackling at the trailer for “Strays”, so I don’t know how much I can trust them on what they think is funny. I think the ending of the movie missed the mark completely. This is a spoiler alert if you haven’t seen the movie already, but the Deadites become this human-flesh-spider amalgamation. This feels like the final boss of a video game, but doesn’t feel practical at all. They’re now slower, louder, less dexterous, and are a bigger target. I get that it looks creepy, but it just seems like a downgrade. After everything is done, the movie reminds you that the main chunk of the movie was technically a flashback. It reveals how the victims at the start of the movie were connected to the events that unfolded and it’s such a barebone connection that I don’t understand why they bothered with it in the first place. I definitely think this is probably the least inspired entry in this franchise. I know that most people are loving the movie so I’m in the minority here, but I thought it’d be worth detailing why I didn’t enjoy the movie like everyone else.

★★★

Watched on April 29th, 2023

[sepublic]

Kraid!

KKKKKRRRRAAAAAIIIIIIDDDDD

I was trying to avoid as much of Metroid Dread as possible to be surprised... But then I learned KRAID is back, in glorious HD as part of a mainline game and...

Oh, he’s beautiful!

Seriously, I’ve always wanted to see more of Kraid! Dude was one of the OG Space Pirates alongside Mother Brain and Ridley, who are present throughout the series; And as someone who is apparently Ridley’s Brother-in-Arms, I’m just really curious on what he could be like?

I doubt we’ll get much if anything in terms of personality, but that’s how Metroid games work anyway! Hopefully we get more lore on Kraid, how is he still alive? Does he have regenerative abilities, is he just really incredibly durable? An X-parasite imitation? Fake Kraid has grown up and this is Sclayd? Did the Chozo clone him, maybe even somehow resurrect him from a dead body, or even the afterlife considering their borderline mystical abilities???

Either way, that’s clever of the designers to have Kraid be restrained, as a meta explanation as to why he doesn’t just charge forward- Thus allowing the developers to start off with a traditional take on the Kraid fight... But since he manages to break an arm free in the trailer, the fight might progress and get more deadly, as Kraid becomes more free.

His neck brace will probably be the last to go, to show a sort of natural transition from the traditional style of Kraid fights, to a more modernized take and I am all FOR it! Everyone’s wondering if Ridley will return, but Kraid alone would MORE than make up for his absence, especially since Ridley is already so prevalent while Kraid has only gotten bread crumbs and the Brinstar Depths stage in recent years!

This is like a dream come true... And obviously Kraid is set up to fight Samus, but it’d be kind of neat to see an arc where him and Samus recognize a mutual enemy in the Chozo, and work with each other over it? Probably not, but I feel this would be more plausible than Samus and Ridley working together; A fun thought exercise I’d always entertained, but there really isn’t that personal vitriol between Samus and Kraid.

...I mean, there COULD be if Kraid takes Ridley’s death personally, but who knows, he might hold off on revenge just long enough for a practical escape! Regardless, I utterly adore just how gnarly and twisted this guy looks, it reminds me of Ridley’s Smash Ultimate renders that really modernize his look, breathe a new and alien life to it while still being the same! And the added, slimy body horror, borderline insectoid, like Smash Ridley!

But yes, I appreciate Metroid Dread taking the opportunity to be new, instead of trying to cater to the mainstream audience as an official return to pull them back, especially since we already had Samus Returns do that, especially with Proteus Ridley being thrown in! And with how Proteus was by far the best Ridley fight in the series, I can’t WAIT to see how Mercury Steam gives a new action to a Kraid boss battle!

And it looks like there might be a passageway behind Kraid that he’s guarding... Kind of like his previous appearances, I love Kraid being a giant guard dog- His girth and weight alone makes him an impenetrable wall! Plus he gives immovable object vibes, VS Ridley as an Unstoppable Force.

Ridley moves fast and aggressively leads the charge, while Kraid is less mobile, can’t even fit through most passageways; But holds down the fort and line of defense, tanking damage and shrugging it off compared to someone who heals from it!

Seriously, this is great seeing this under appreciated Space Pirate represented! I’ve always been salty about Meta Kraid being left out of Metroid Prime... And Kraid’s got a distinct identity of his own as one of the biggest bosses in the entire series by a long shot!

His big, colossal, green and chunky frame, that brutishness to Kraid, the size and brawn- It’s a nice contrast and foil to Ridley’ who is memetically huge in general, but from a relative standpoint averagely-sized as a boss, and MUCH scrawnier than the Awakened Behemoth; But he makes up for it wit speed and agility, flight, etc.!

Plus the concept of taking on a full-on Kaiju of the series, Metroid’s Godzilla... I always felt like there was a wasted potential to Kraid and how he stood out as a counterpart to Ridley’ more of the lumbering mountain to scale compared to the acrobatic Cunning God of Death! His Kaiju size, the way the ground could easily tremble from each footstep like Jurassic Park...

If Ridley is a Xenomorph, make Kraid into Godzilla and Rexy and every giant monster whose sheer scale inspires a horror based in awe, one that is huge and grandiose and demands attention and seizes all of it, gloriously basking in full view, in contrast to the more stealthy and subtle Ridley!

They’re both reptilian Space Pirates who debuted with the franchise, serve Mother Brain alongside one another as the two guardians to Tourian. And just like Ridley taking one of the recurring boss themes from Super Metroid and adopting it as HIS theme, Kraid seems to have done the same by Zero Mission!

Plus, Brinstar Depths, AKA Kraid’s Lair, is SUCH a metal soundtrack! It doesn’t necessarily apply to Kraid himself, but I feel like there’s an enigmatic personality hinted with the eerie, melodic tune of this theme... So as someone who’s tried to write him, mostly in my head;

What kind of person is Kraid? What archetypes and roles would he fit? As a more casual type of arch-nemesis, compared to the personal intensity of Ridley? A dumb brute, or smart in his own way? What personality and vibes would make Kraid’s Lair fit as a theme for him?

At the very least, I wonder if we’ll get Space Pirate lore, maybe even origins as to Kraid and Ridley’s species? They’re both huge dragons who took over Zebes... Could there be a connection between Ridley’s species and the Chozo? Will we get a bit of sympathy for Kraid, seeing him captured like an animal by the Chozo, perhaps to test experiments upon and clone?

Will Dread encapsulate the realization of just how much of a bigger scope villain the True Chozo are, experimenting on Kraid the way the Galactic Federation did with Ridley’s clone, another parallel between them? Will we explore the dark past of the Chozo, and a potential tragic look into Kraid’s species- So Samus has a better understanding of how her people have been terrible in many ways, even if that doesn’t at all justify Kraid the person’s actions?

Just... Imagine a storyline where Samus realizes that Kraid was made by the Chozo, or his species was, or they were genetically augmented or massacred, or something like that. Just a twisted moment of realization that explains but doesn’t justify. Which could lead to Samus and Kraid teaming up for a prison breakout at a pivotal moment, Kraid’s girth would make him a helpful ally.

Perhaps Samus could weaponize Kraid in the background to take the brunt of the True Chozo’s attacks, while she takes on the leader? Could he help with environmental terrain, blind to the background as a colossal feature of the environment, a kaiju briefly on your side?

Could we get a Kraid fight where he attacks from the background, instead of to the right? Will he ultimately die helping Samus- More for his own gain and revenge, but still? Maybe even leading to a reluctant salute from Samus as she recognizes them both as people captured, as experimented upon by the Chozo? Apologies for all of the fanon conjecture, my mind is racing...!

I think there’s SO much potential with Kraid and seeing him full, unadulterated HD glory... It’s glorious. It’s magnificent! This is a dream come true, and I hope Kraid finally starts to get the recognition he deserves! Even if he’s just A boss fight, I’m already sated and content here- And I can only imagine the new wave of fan content that will spawn for Kraid, as he’s recognized a defining moment of Dread!

Plus, I’d love to see people characterize and give lore to Kraid... All in all I am LIVING and in triumph here!!! I know I keep using this meme but

Literally this alone, just these shots... Are ALL I really want and need, in the end! Bless you Mercury Steam for this food, for breathing new life into this franchise while renovating what really needs it! I don’t even care if Kraid’s return is never really explained, I’m incredibly happy here!

This new design... It just FITS and works as a new, evergreen design for Kraid honestly! Compared to Ridley who is a lot more varied and arguably inconsistent, even with his Smash render... THIS is the new and definitive Kraid for me, now! I am having the time of my LIFE here!

Ridley the Cunning God has cheated death... is Kraid the Behemoth has reawakened!

(With the idea of Prime Kraid being reused for Metroid Prime 4... I’m wondering if we’ll begin to see an all new Kraid renaissance? 👀 More frequent content as Nintendo starts giving him and more appearances and attention, including in other media and advertising, alongside Ridley???)

[365days365movies]

May 4, 2021: The Host (2006) (Recap)

NO NOT THAT ONE

Stephanie Meyer goddamn sucks. I realize that I’m not exactly the first person to say that, but she’s terrible. Not only is she not a good writer, but she also has some very disparaging views about science fiction and its fans, which led her to make her own science fiction book and film. ANd yeah...it’s terrible! No surprise there.

So, no, not the 2013 critical and commercial flop known as The Host. No, this post is about 2006′s The Host, AKA Gwoemul, AKA 괴물. I haven’t ventured to far into the world of Korean cinema, and with this film, my repertoire includes only the films of director Bong Joon-Ho. And if that name sounds familiar...it should.

Bong Joon-ho DESERVEDLY made headlines last year when his film became the first non-English language film to win for Best Picture, and the first time Asian writers won for best screenplay! His Oscar speech in accepting best director is genuinely one of the best and most sincere speeches I’ve ever heard from a director, and I love the dude.

Oh, and if you’re wondering which film it was, then, like me, you also really need to watch Parasite. And because I’m terrified of spoilers, I’m not gonna look for GIFs of that movie. Instead, I’ll put in a GIF of one of my favorite sci-fi films, and the only other Bong Joon-ho film I’ve seen.

God, I love Snowpiercer. And if this is anything like that, I’m probably going to love this movie. Now, I don’t really know much about this film, other than the fact that it’s a monster film. And if there’s any science-fiction subgenre more iconic than monster films, I don’t know it. Well...OK, aliens, robots, and more, but monster films are still a big part of the genre. But where does that begin? Is it here?

Definitely an argument you can make, since Frankenstein’s Monster is a creation of science gone wrong, from the book to the movie. Fun fact, Mary Shelley based it on a real-world experiment by Italian physiologist Giovanni Aldini, who used a corpse to illustrate the connection between electricity and muscles. Neat, huh? So, yeah, that’s a solid launching point.

But that’s more of a horror story. What about something a little more monster-y? Well, from the UK to Japan we go!

OHHHHHH YEAH, THAT’S THE GOOD STUFF

Toho’s 1954 film Gojira is one of the most classic monster films ever made, and singlehandedly launched the kaiju genre in Japan. And it’s really well-known that it was made as a response to post-World War II tensions about nuclear warfare. Which, in Japan, is kind of understandable, no? But nothing demonstrated the destructive power of science more than that moment in history. 

So, Godzilla arrives. And the US also makes more monster movies, most of which take place in contemporary settings, making many of them lo-fi sci-fi. Now, some dipped into horror or fantasy, but the science fiction roots were there. Which eventually would bring us full circle to films where monsters were made and go loose. You know, like this:

It’s a franchise that defines the ‘90s, and lab-grown monster movies exploded around that time as well. At the same time, environmental concerns REALLY started to build by this point, and those concerns leaked profusely into film all over the world. And by the time we get to 2006...well, let’s get into it, huh?

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap

In a mortuary, a U.S. military doctor (Scott Wilson) instructs his assistant (Brian Lee) to dump bottles of formaldehyde down the drain of the facility, which goes directly into the Han River. The assistant protests, but the doctor insists, despite the risk of polluting the river. AAAAAmericans.

In the river about two years later, two fisherman see something strange looking in the river. Then, four years later, in 2006, a suicidal man is about to jump into the river, when he sees something dark in the water below.

Later that year, we meet Park Hee-bong (Byun Hee-Bong) and his son Park Gang-du (Song Kang-ho), who run a food truck and snack bar near the river. Gang-du’s not exactly a hard worker, to his father’s chagrin. His daughter, Hyun-seo (Go Ah-sung), is a student who comes home from school, where her drunken uncle Nam-il (Park Hae-il) comes to her chagrin. She and her father watch TV, where his sister Nam-joo (Bar Doona) can be seen competing in archery.

As he’s bringing food out to customers, he joins them in observing something strange and massive hanging off of the bridge. And at this point, I would be running the fuck away. Literally, the news just said that there was a body found with the legs missing, and these people are throing cans at it after it plunges into the water. One girl asks if it’s a dolphin. Mother...HAVE YOU SEEN A DOLPHIN BEFORE?

NOT THIS

Yeah, this thing just comes bounding along the shore, slapping people into the water with its tail, and batting aside others. Doesn’t look like its actively killing anybody yet, but it’s definitely hurting people at least. That is, until it goes into a trailer where a bunch of people have gathered, and appears to eat a bunch of them. So, yeah, dangerous.

Gang-du, to his infinite credit, actually attempts to confront and hurt the creature, with the help of Donald White (David Joseph Anselmo). And it works, but at the cost of the creature aggro-ing onto him. Back at the snack truck, his sister’s lost the title, much to the chagrin of Gang-du’s daughter and father. She goes outside in frustration, only to be thrown into the midst of the chaos with her dad. He grabs a girls hand in the chaos, only to find that it’s a different child entirely. And...unfortunately...

The creature grabs her with its tail, and leaps back into the river, disappearing. Fuck. Poor Hyun-seo, and poor Gang-du. Gang-du IMMEDIATELY goes to get her back, jumping into the river, but the creature takes her across to an island, out of reach. That night, an impromptu funeral is held for the victims, at which Hyun-seo is being honored as well. There, both Gang-du’s sister and brother also attend, and all four of the break down dramatically and publicly.

Nam-il blames his brother for letting her die, which is unfair, but understandable. The family eventually calms down and discusses the circumstances of Hyun-Seo’s birth and death, both of which were accidental. As they do, a man in a protective suit comes out, and asks who was at the river incident. Nam-il protests this, and asks what’s going on. The man doesn’t explain, and the room is instead gassed, as everyone is ushered towards the entrance.

In the process, Gang-du (stupidly) reveals that he was hit by some blood splatter. He’s immediately stuffed in a bag and kidnapped by the authorities. Meanwhile, the news reveals that the creature is carrying a virus, and anyone who has been in contact with it has been infected. Because of this, the entire family is taken to a quarantine hospital, which oddly has very few actual quarantine procedures in place. And additionally, Gang-du is feeling a bit itchy.

That night, in the hospital, Gang-du gets a call on his cell phone! It’s Hyun-seo! She’s alive! And she’s trapped, in a sewer somewhere near the river. Meanwhile, a group of men in protectve suits are outside patrolling the river. One man finds money on the side of the road, and goes to pick it up, only for the men to be attacked by the creature. But it’s then that we discover that the creature is not killing or eating people, but simply taking them own to its lair. Also in said lair is Hyun-seo, trapped and with a now dead phone.

The next day, the family tries to get an officer to look into the call, only for the officer to be, frankly, an absolute piece of shit to this grieving family. Gang-du tries to explain, and his explanation is ENTIRELY RATIONAL, but the officer and doctors are absolutely terrible about it.

Because nobody’s listening, the family manages to escape from the hospital in order to try and save Hyun-Seo, and they hop into a van, taking it and running. This is a good place to mention that, despite this being a monster movie, it's also...weirly funny sometimes. Like, that whole scene is pretty great. After bartering with a group of gangsters for supplies (and after Hee-bong basically gives away all of his credit cards), the group manages to get a map and a new car. But they pretty quickly get stopped at a checkpoint into the city, and are nearly caught, but manage to escape and get to the riverfront. Once there, they begin searching the sewers to find Hyun-seo. And I gotta say; this may be an extremely dysfunctional family, but they’re a devoted family all the same.

Of course, that eventually gives way to arguments within the sewer itself, but that’s interrupted by a noise heard somewhere around them. They fire at it, using weapons obtained from the gangster but conclude that it was nothing. What it actually is is two brothers, older Se-jin (Lee Jae-eung) and younger Se-joo (Lee Dong-ho), homeless kids who are foraging the sewers in the abandoned city. But, of course, they eventually run into the creature, which attacks them. Meanwhile, an asleep Hyun-Seo dreams of dinner with her family, only to be woken up by the arrival of the creature, who deposits the bodies of the two boys in the sewer with her. Se-joo has survived, but Se-jin hasn’t, sadly.

Meanwhile, the rest of the family is gathered at their snack bar for the night, and prepares to set out or the morning. The to younger siblings appear to not give a single shit about Gang-du, but Hee-bong attempts to set them straight, talking about how he blames himself for the way Gang-du is now. However, the two just fall asleep during his speech. Poor Hee-bong. Also, he can apparently identify Gang-du’s health condition based on his farts because they spend so much time together, it’s dumb, and funny.

Also, poor the rest of them, because Gang-du wakes up to see the creature just waiting outside, watching them. Hee-bong fires at it, but the creature attacks and knocks over the bar. However, Hee-bong manages to hit it directly in the head, knocking it off, but not killing it. The family goes out to finish the job, but it runs away before they can kill it. They run after it, and are almost completely out of bullets. Hee-bong volunteers to go after it himself, but in the process...

Hee-bong doesn’t make it. The creature kills him, and the commotion attracts the military to their location. Gang-du is again captured, while Nam-il and Nam-joo escape, only to later be separated regardless. Meanwhile, the virus kills Donald White, the sergeant from earlier, and it continues to spread across Korea. To kill the creature, the government plans to release a chemical into the river called Agent Yellow, which feels...controversial.

Nam-il meats a colleague, “Fat Guevara” (Yam Pil-sung), who is easily able to provide a location for Hyun-seo using the number, which the cop earlier insisted was nearly impossible to do. Plus, both the sergeant and Gang-du encountered the creature together, and he seems to be just fine. Which probably means that something very wrong is happening now. Even worse, though, is the fact that Guevara’s appeared to trap Nam-il, as a massive reward is sought for his arrest. A gang of people surround hi, with the plan to capture him, but he VERY cleverly escapes by causing an electrical short, and AFTER having found Hyun-seo’s location! Nice, man! He takes off, now knowing exactly where his niece is.

Nam-joo, meanwhile, is literally living inside of the snack bar, and she gets a text from Nam-il with her location. He tags out, and she tags in, running to the location where the call came from. But she immediately runs into the creature, which knocks her down and unconscious. She manages to call Gang-du, who is currently about to be sedated. Now knowing where his daughter is, he tries to escape, only to be tackled by the doctors. He tells them where she is, but they don’t appear to listen. More importantly, the anesthetic doesn’t appear to work, much to the confusion of the doctors. Something is verrrrrrrry wrong here.

An American doctor (Paul Lazar) comes, and asks what’s wrong, and he tells him exactly what’s wrong. However, despite his words SEEMING to be heard, they once again call him crazy and delusional, and decide to give him a lobotomy to isolate the virus once and for all, like FUCKING ASSHOLES. Turns out that the virus? Yeah, it doesn’t exist whatsoever! It doesn’t exist even a little bit! Which means that this entire thing is a wild goddamn goose chase for a virus that DOESN’T FUCKING EXIST!!!

And the best thing is that Gang-du, despite not actually knowing English, still understands the words “no virus”, and know he fucking knows! However, because he knows, they now have to give him a lobotomy. Fuck me, man. Panicking, he cries for them to stop, and cries for his daughter, who’s still alive in the sewer.

Speaking of, Hyun-seo and Se-joo are bonding in the sewer, as they work to make a rope from things they find there. But in the process, they’re attacked by the creature, who know is actively eating the bodies, and presumably other people. Whoof. They manage to escape, but barely.

Back with Gang-du, who’s just gone through the lobotomy, which...hasn’t worked at all. Holy SHIT. Not sure what the hel is UP with this dude, but that’s a question in and of itself. He escapes by taking a nurse hostage, threatening them with a syringe of his blood, full of a virus that doesn’t exist!

Nam-il wakes up at the same time, not accompanied by a homeless man (Yoon Je-moon), who agrees to take him to the bridge to find Hyun-seo. In the sewer, the two kids have survived, and the creature appears to be asleep. Like a GODDAMN BOSS, she runs up the creatures back, and jumps onto a rope that she had made, and that was hanging far out of her reach. Unfortunately...the creature catches her with its tail. Fuck. It sets her down, and...lets her go? But as soon as she runs, it attacks bother her and Se-joo.

Just then, Gang-du gets to the lair, and uses the rope to climb down. Below him is a pile of bones, and no kids to be seen. The creature goes by, and Hyun-seo’s hand is dangling out of its mouth. And once again by coincidence, that’s when Nam-joo wakes up and reunites with her brother. The creature runs to the waterfront, only to be greeted by...a crowd? They’re gathered there to protest the release of the dangerous chemical into the river.

It all collides at once. The creature swims towards the crowd, Gang-du runs towards the creature, Agent Yellow is released over them both, causing the creature to faint. Gan-du runs up and grabs the bodies of his daughter and See-joo from its mouth, apparently too fucking late. Shit, man. This would’ve been avoided if they just HELPED him. Fuck. He carries her body away as more chemical is released onto the flailing creature, and the chemical causes everyone else in the area to violently hemorrhage as well. Meanwhile, Nam-il and Nam-joo arrive to see their deceased niece, grieving all over again. It’s...fuck, man, it sucks.

And Gang-du is fucking PISSED NOW. He grabs a street sign and attacks the injured creature, fueled by pure rage. Nam-il joins in with Molotov cocktails as it runs away. The homeless man douses it with gasoline, and that makes it easier for Nam-il to set it on fire...until he drops the bottle. And then, Nam-joo uses it to light an arrow on fire, hitting the creature with it, and setting it ablaze. It runs to the water, only for Gang-du to stab it through the head with the street sign, finally killing it in revenge for his father and his daughter. Fucking bad-ASS. And also quite tragic, given the circumstances.

And despite the tragedy, there is one happy circumstance: Se-joo lives! In fact, Hyun-seo died saving his life, like the real goddamn hero of this story that she is. Fuck. That’s terrible, but I’m happy that her sacrifice wasn’t in vain. From here, we fast-forward to the winter, where a clean-shaven and well-kept Gang-du is is now caring for Se-joo. The news is on in the background, but the two ignore it, happily eating together after the ordeal they’ve been through.

Whoof. That’s The Host, or Gwoemul! And yeah, that’s one hell of a movie, I tell you what. For a monster movie, it’s quite dramatic, and they don’t try to humanize the monster AT ALL. And honestly, I really like it! A Pyrrhic victory at the end, but nothing wrong with that! I’ll elaorate a bit in the review! See you there!

[sn0tcl0wn]

Spiral Review

spiral was really good. imagine a tv ma episode of criminal minds that's basically someone's saw fanfiction that got past the censors. chris rock did an amazing job and while i know it was cop propaganda i also feel like it was equal parts cop hater power fantasy. the end really was wild and i hope to see some more cat and mouse games between zeke and the spiral killer.

also random but the fact that amanda's mask shows up in a scene was so fitting and such a good call back because this is the kind of jigsaw i wanted her to be. i mean just look at the target of her first game.

the movie did an alright job connecting the new killer's motives to john's ideology but at the same time i also feel it's important to not like...think too hard about anything. it has the similar issue most saw movies have in that the logic falls apart pretty easy. that isnt to say it's bad, it's just far from the best. i was very interested the entire time though and actually got caught off guard even after watching spoiler reviews. there wasn't a single time i was bored or disinterested or even mentally riffing it. it was a decent horror movie and a good spin-off to the saw franchise even though it didn't have the amount of gore one would expect. to be honest the focus on the series' psychological horror aspects was a welcome choice and helped prevent the violence from getting stale or overdone.

i went in thinking my review was gonna be jokey and dumb or super negative but i had a genuinely good time and ended up with genuine opinions on it. recommend it to saw fans and anyone who hates cops.

rating: 7/10 dead pigs

[the-blind-geisha]

What horror games have you actually played or wanted to play? Hope you're feeling better! 🩹✨

I am feeling much better, thank you, anon. ♥ I still took time off from work today just in case. ^^” I don't want to try and lift a book only to throw it on the ground from the pain that rockets through me. xD;

So back in my MM.org days, I met a guy from the Philippines who I became really close with, and he introduced me to the wonders of the Resident Evil franchises. He insisted I give it a try if I don't mind horror, and so I did. I cannot say I beat a single one... LOL

I was so terrified of zombies and anything in those games, I'd waste all my ammo just to make every single one of the zombies in any room die. I even hated hearing their moans that I'd mute the game and then blast my favorite song—not realizing that made the zombies getting the jump on me fifty times worse. XD;; RE0 and RE1 Remake were so realistic in my eyes back then that I got too into the game and would even drop my controller and seize up whenever a zombie got me—making me believe it was happening to me irl. Good job, kid me. Lol

I do own RE1 Remake and RE4, but I didn't beat them. RE1 I wasted all my ammo getting to Tyrant that it was pointless to even take him on, and I was so horrified of the game, I didn't want to go back and try again. I am sure I could do it now though. RE4, I uh... accidentally played it on hard mode... lol I didn't realize that you could boost your health bars by combining a yellow herb with other herbs, so I went all the way towards the end of the game with the beginning health, wondering why it was getting so difficult. XD;; I ended up not being able to get further at the section where Ashley takes the wheel of some bulldozer type thing (if I'm remembering this right), but it was mainly because my aim sucked at having to get to the button to open a door and make sure her stupid ass didn't get taken. It wasn't because of health problems, believe it or not... LOL So, there ya go, RE4 folks. New challenge for you if nobody has done it yet. Be an idiot like me and don't increase your health. See how far you last.

But the other RE games I did rent. RE0, RE2, RE3, RE: Code Veronica were the main ones I played. I was looking forward to RE5, but the moment I saw how more action based it was, I didn't get too excited for it. Sad though since it's apparently really good even if not scary.

The atmosphere that I did love about the old RE games was reading lore. The lore would sometimes unnerve me. I still, years later of not playing it, remember the inmates at the prison of Code Veronica flipping out about screams and stuff from behind the guillotine, and reading how people just 'disappeared' behind there always built up such a tightening in my gut that I didn't want to see what was there... especially when the game told me I had to go there. I'll never forget the 4 itchy tasty note in RE1 remake. lol

Silent Hill games I was enthralled by but knew I would be too scared to play and beat them. However, much to my surprise, I do have the original SH3 and I have beaten it. SH1-2, I've watched playthroughs of, and I wish I had played SH2 at least. SH2 is so good at its reveal. SH4, I did rent, but I was too scared to even find out what happened to Cynthia. x”D You will never know my utter upset at hearing P.T. was canceled...

Fatal Frame 2 I owned, but I never beat for a dumb reason—I couldn't find the damn door I was supposed to cleanse with the camera and ran around in these two connected houses looking for it for so many days I just gave up. What's frustrating is about not too long ago, I plugged the game back in and found it... easily... by checking my damn map. Press F for the times I thought I was intelligent... But by now, I just didn't have the care to continue playing. I did find that game to be utterly horrifying as The Ring and The Grudge were popular movies when I played these... And... a long, black haired lady slivers out of a well in that game. //shivers// I did play a bit of FF5, but I didn't finish it. Q_Q I watched full LPs of the others in the series, but I am sure the person who had those streamed and put up tore them down by now.

I was gifted Dead Space on my Steam, but I couldn't get into it when I tried years ago. I even tried Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs, but didn't care for it after a certain point. I do think the original was just and always will be the superior.

I have played and beaten The Last of Us. I love that game, but I never got compelled to play the sequel. I probably will eventually.

I also played and beat Bioshock 1—loved it—but wasn't compelled to play the others.

As far as my first ever 'horror' game, I did play Duke Nukem when I was a child, and while I can see that's not listed as horror, it was a bit scary yet interesting for me as a kid on those retro 90s PCs.

I have played (and own) both Parasite Eve 1-2 but not beat either. Again, I accidentally played PE1 on hard mode by not upgrading my shit... Whoops. So final boss was too much for me.

I did play a bit of an indie game on Steam called Anna, but I got stuck early on inside the house and couldn't go further. The atmosphere is pretty good though! I hear they're coming out with another game like it or it's a revamp of the original?? Either way, it looks amazing.. O-O

Because I can be such a pussy, I prefer to watch other people play horror games and laugh at their reactions. Granny does Sunday Scaries, so I always watch her stuff on Sundays or the Vlogs after. It's also a reason I love Halloween, because I feel it gives people an excuse to play horror games. ♥

However, if I had the group of friends, I would so play Phasmophobia! It looks so fun and funny. XD Other games I love and find interesting:

Song of Horror (really freakin' good though I hate you do have to keep one specific character alive if you play the actual mode it was intended for where each character will actually die and get removed from your roster if you fuck up with them).

Until Dawn

Dead by Daylight (again, would prefer to have a group of friends as the fanbase looks toxic lol).

Darkwood has been on my radar for some time now. Eventually... lol

World of Horror

Clock Tower games—I hear they're amazing.

But that's all about that I can think of. Sorry for yackin' so much!

[all-souls-matinee]

Paranormal Activity

I went through ‘a very strange time in my life’ a few years ago where I watched every single Paranormal Activity movie, some multiple times, thinking that would have no impact on my psyche. So here I am, someone who thinks the the franchise is bad and yet can remember every plot thread and every scare, and I might as well do something with that. These will be graded on a curve (scale of 1-5 stars) and not by their overall worth as movies.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

★★★★☆

Today the first movie in the franchise is lampooned for being boring and amateurish, with unlikable lead characters and a plot that doesn’t really go anywhere, but how are those not points in its favor? Isn’t that what found footage is all about? Critics and scholars contend it’s singlehandedly responsible for the genre craze that swept the United States in the 2010s after a relative lull in the early aughts, and it’s easy to see why. I’m not going to go so far as to say Paranormal Activity is a good movie (it’s not), but it is a very easy and engaging watch. 

With a cast of only two people and hardly any outside characters the story plays out as a domestic drama; yes, there are long stretches of nothing happening but it ratchets up suspense in a way that was unusual and refreshing at the time. Using a camera to feel in control of an out-of-control situation was a theme broached by the much better Blair Witch Project, and Paranormal Activity leans into it as a central thesis, making sure it’s a white hetero rich guy that’s doing the recording and only subverting that expectation in later films. The movie was even supposed to end [mild spoilers] with Possessed Katie beating her obnoxious husband Micah over the head with his beloved camera and the film cutting to black, and I think it leaves the story weaker and more scattered for having left that out. 

Paranormal Activity 2 (2010)

★★☆☆☆

Before I get into why this one sucks, I’ll give it the benefit of being the most solid entry in the franchise by far. As a prequel to the first movie it does its job by introducing additional family members in a bigger house with more cameras. They have to contend with the same demon, so it’s the same thing we’ve seen before but with much higher stakes, and that’s a perfectly good idea for building a franchise. I admire it for that.

Anything beyond structure and pacing is so much worse it’s laughable. Where PA1 had some originality going for it PA2 throws in every horror stereotype it can think of, including an insanely awful running bit about how the family’s Mexican housekeeper is the only one who can sense ghosts. The most novel addition to the franchise is extensive lore about the demon wanting to own a baby because of a pact made with a coven of witches, which made audiences across America lean forward in their seats and say ‘... what?’ Decisions like that cost the movie any kind of levity, scares, or interest in the characters, which were kind of essential things for the movie to have.

I’d honestly give it 1 star if it weren’t for the extensive drama over the automated pool cleaner. We spend so much time watching this thing I think I developed an emotional bond with it.

Paranormal Activity 3 (2011)

★★★★★

Paranormal Activity 3 is another prequel that takes us back to when the leads of the first two movies- Katie and Christie- were little girls experiencing demonic activity in the 80s (their stepdad is a videographer, which gets us past the question of how anyone in the 80s would have tens of video cameras skillfully set up around their home.) Objectively it sounds like even more of a pathetic cashgrab than PA2, but, and this might be the hottest take I will ever have when it comes to horror movies, it does its job it in a way that’s such a prefect mixture of original/bizarre content and safe bankable boringness that it’s the best movie in the franchise. It certainly cemented it for what it is today.

Movie no. 3 drops the ‘this really happened’ show the first two movies put on in trying to be like other found footage horror (read: The Blair Witch Project.) No more actors and characters sharing names, no more title cards thanking the police for footage, we’re all in on the game at this point and you don’t realize how much of a relief that is until it’s happened. Instead of trying to make the characters realistic and falling flat, they let them be a little more like characters to great success. Everyone plays their role in the story and makes the shaky plot work. It’s not good writing, but it has people react to things in interesting ways and builds up the lore of the franchise more effectively than either of the first two movies (helped along by a batshit insane finale that makes no sense but is so much fun it doesn’t actually matter.) 

This is also by far the ‘scariest’ movie in the franchise, and I think it’s a combination of practice and not taking everything so deadly seriously. Comedy helps balance things out (my favorite is a sex scene that folds into an earthquake scene that folds into a shot of earthquake dust landing on a ghost), and they’ve gotten tension-building nothingness down to a science. Using a camera attached to a slowly oscillating fan and a camera trained on a mirror in a dark room? Perfect ideas for freaking your audience out.

Paranormal Activity 4 (2012)

★☆☆☆☆

Paranormal Activity 4 was the long-awaited actual-sequel to the events of the first movie, using the hours of information and lore given to us by the prequels as a backdrop, and it... really flounders under that responsibility. We’re introduced to an all-new cast of characters, with a teenage girl taking the lead for a change of pace that doesn’t really go anywhere, and spend the first half of the movie wondering why the family we’ve spent so much time with was pushed to the side (it must be important.) The reason we’re given is that this new family has an adopted son who is (twist!) the witch-stolen-demon-proxy baby from movie two.

PA4 has the opposite problem of PA2; it’s not awful, but is so shaky and has so much lost potential it seems to drop all of the pieces at once. It does some cool things with suspense an xbox kinect, and the acting is fine, but while no one is watching a Paranormal Activity sequel for the screenplay this one needed good, grounded writing and didn’t get that. The loose plotting of the third movie was saved by its characters and by being a little more tongue-in-cheek, but 4 doesn’t have that to fall back on and has way more moving pieces than 3 ever did. The ending is especially egregious, bizarre even by nth-sequel-in-a-horror-franchise standards, and is never brought up again. Points for a convoluted weird plot that makes no sense, points redacted for a convoluted weird plot that makes no sense.

Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones (2014)

★★★☆☆

Paranormal Activity 5 is so off-the-rails insane that it gets the coveted 3 stars, deserving or no. After back-to-back prequels and a disappointing long-awaited sequel, no one was sure exactly what this was going to be, and the movie seems to feel the same way.

Gone is the lore-heavy and tension-heavy stuff from the preceding years of footage. For the first half of the movie we follow a first-gen high school graduate named Jesse, who breaks into a mysterious neighbor’s house with his best friend. He gets bitten by a ghost and infected with ghost superpowers, then he and his friend group + love interest have a grand old time doing skateboard and levitation tricks using the ghost superpowers. I’m not exaggerating for comedic effect; it’s so dumb I love it ardently. Why aren’t all sequels like this??? 

Obviously the ghost superpowers turn out to be A Bad Thing tenuously connected to all the witch/demon stuff, and we have to get back to jump scares (now with added body horror), but the ways in which it does eventually tie back to the franchise are so ridiculous it’s delightful, and the twist ending, for once in this entire nightmare, is fantastic.

Paranormal Activity 6: The Ghost Dimension 3D (2015)

This one came out after my original paranormal activity run, and I considered watching it for the sake of being able to finish the article in good faith but I just can’t you guys. I couldn’t do it. Look at this.

That said, the thing about these movies is that none of them are a complete waste of time; even the worst entries in the lineup are entertaining and fun in a reality-tv-trainwreck sort of way, and that’s all very calculated. No matter what your opinion they earned the right to make this a franchise with too many movies and extensive lore. Happy halloween.

[thedeaditeslayer]

Bruce Campbell talks ‘Evil Dead,’ ‘Spider-Man,’ ‘Xena’

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The first time Bruce Campbell came across Sam Raimi, they were students at Michigan’s West Maple Junior High School.

“Sam was a year younger than me,” Campbell recalls, “and I remember him dressed as Sherlock Holmes playing with dolls in the middle of the floor. And I remember going way around him. And I found out later that it was Sam Raimi. We didn’t really come into contact until we got until high school.”

What a connection they made. After bonding over D.I.Y. filmmaking, Campbell and Raimi went on to do 1978 shoestring horror-short “Within the Woods” together, which they evolved into 1981 demonic thriller “Evil Dead.”

Campbell would periodically reprise signature “Evil Dead” character Ash Williams in various sequels and offshoots. And appear in Raimi-produced “Xena: Warrior Princess,” portraying slippery “king of thieves” Autolycus on that ’90s-iconic TV fantasy epic.

And then there’s Campbell’s memorable cameos in Raimi’s blockbuster, Tobey Maguire-starring “Spider-Man” film trilogy: the ring announced in the first, 2002 film, “snooty usher” in the 2004 sequel and a maître d’ in 2007′s “Spider-Man 3.”

Of course, Campbell’s made a mark outside that dynamic duo. He drew raves for his portrayal of a nursing-home-bound Elvis Presley in 2002 indie comedy-horror gem, “Bubba Ho-Tep.” Then there’s his role of Sam Axe on USA Network spy drama “Burn Notice.” Not to mention numerous other film, TV, voice acting and even video-game work.

The cult-fave actor will make his first ever trip to Huntsville this week, for Oct. 24 events at Von Braun Center’s Mark C. Smith Concert Hall featuring “Evil Dead” screenings followed by a Campbell-led chat about the film, his life as an actor and beyond. Tickets for these 3 and 7:30 p.m. events start at $32, via ticketmaster.com.

His upcoming projects include a comedy album with actor Ted Raimi, Sam’s brother, called “The Lost Recordings.” Campbell also is readying a book of essays called “The Cool Side of My Pillow,” which finds him riffing on subjects ranging from noise to the environment. He hopes to have both released by the end of this year. More info at bruce-campbell.com. On a recent afternoon, Campbell checked in from his Oregon home for a phone interview. Edited excerpts are below.

Bruce, when you do an “Evil Dead” screening event, do your discussions turn up new things about the film or that you haven’t thought of in a long time?

Every show turns up something new because it puts you on the spot. Someone will say something that will then trigger something that you had forgot. I just sat down the other day before one of these shows with my guy who is my frontman and I was like, “OK, l’m just going to tell the story of making this movie.” It’s not for questions I’m just going to tell you basically what you’re about to see. But yeah, every show triggers some new thing. I’ve seen the movie. I know how it ends. But that is the challenge, finding some new, weird tidbits.

Back in high school how did you and Sam Raimi first bond? Did you share a class or something?

Basically I got into typing class, that’s what started it. I could not believe I was stuck in this stupid class where everyone around me seemed to know how to type. I’m like, “How do you know this?” It was very frustrating. So I went to a counselor for the first time ever – I’d never gone to try to get out of anything.

So I go there and I say, “Hey can I drop this dumb typing class?” She goes, "Yeah, what do you want? I go, “What do you got?” So she comes up with ���radio speech.” And I’m like, “Radio speech? Wait they do the morning announcements (at school) and stuff?” and I’m like yeah let me get all over that.

So I got into a class and Sam Raimi was also in the class. And the guy who taught radio speech also directed all the plays. We didn’t know how critical that was. The first year I couldn’t get in anything in my high school. I was auditioning for everything but I didn’t have a class with this guy. By the next year I had a class with him, and then me and Sam were in basically all the plays after that. We found out how the deal worked.

So I met him in radio speech and we’d do the morning announcements together and got to talking about what we do in our neighborhoods. I was making little regular-8 (millimeter film) movies and Sam was making Super-8 movies. So we started to join forces during the course of that high school run, that two or three years in there.

We were very productive. We didn’t really get into trouble because we were too busy like filming parties. We wouldn’t go to the parties we’d film the parties and use them in some way in our little films so it was a great guerrilla filmmaking period.

A celeb or well-known person you were surprised to learn they’re an “Evil Dead” fan?

I heard Charlie Sheen, one of his favorite things was to smoke a doobie and watch “Evil Dead 2,” and Alice Cooper’s favorite horror movie is “Evil Dead.”

If it’s good enough for Alice Cooper it’s good enough for me. You host the quiz show “Last Fan Standing.” What do you make of the mainstreaming of nerd-culture?

Every generation has its deal. In the ’40s most moviegoers were in their 40s and so the actors were in their 40s. Humphrey Bogart and Spencer Tracy and all the guys were in their 40s. You didn’t have to be 21. And then as the audience got younger the actors got younger and the people who run the companies get younger and so they’re really just catering to what’s popular.

Comic books have always been popular but now they’re really popular. Not really sure what that’s all about but yeah social media has certainly helped but I think it’s another form of escapism. Whenever times get weird, people want escapism. During The Depression they did the Busby Berkeley splashy musicals where everyone was happy all the time, when life was really miserable. And some decades where we’re really doing okay, the movies turned introspective and we go after ourselves and figure out why we’re like this and like that. And so I think we’re in a phase where we just want to be taken away to another galaxy and Marvel is very happy to help.

And you’ve been a part of that. In Sam’s “Spider-Man” trilogy, which of your cameos did you have the most fun with?

Well I don’t know it’s hard to lineate because they’re so critical. The first one I named Spider-Man. If I wasn’t in the movie a billion dollar franchise would be called The Human Spider. He wants to get in the theater in the second one, past the snooty usher who won’t let him in because he’s late, because it will spoil the illusion, so I think I’m technically the only character who’s ever defeated Spider-Man. And in part three, a superhero comes to a mortal for help. He wants me to help him propose to his girlfriend so it’s sort of a landmark case where a superhero goes to a mortal for help which is pretty rare. So I can’t delineate because they’re all critical to the “Spider-Man” universe.

Do you have any cool mementos from "Evil Dead or elsewhere from your career? Maybe something like the chainsaw from “Evil Dead 2”?

You know, it’s weird I’m not a hoarder, I’m not a collector. My brother, he has the shotgun from “Evil Dead,” but not because he loves movie trivia, he just likes guns. My brother also has I think the set of keys to the original cabin. That’s a pretty good one. Not sure how he got that one.

I have weirder ones. Like I have a prop from a 1989 movie called “Sundown: The Vampire in Retreat.” I have Van Helsing’s holy bottle where he shakes the holy water at them. And I have what I call my tchotchke shelf, where most people would look at it and they couldn’t identify what importance each item is, but there’s a story for each one.

Some of your favorite actors outside the horror genre?

Oh, I l love a lot of the old time actors. William Holden, he starred in “Bridge on The River Kwai” one of my favorite movies. I like the guys who had to work a lot. In the old days and actor would finish a job on Friday he was under contract, he took two weeks off and started a new movie a couple weeks later. Actors kind of just do one or two movies a year if they’re lucky these days and it doesn’t help them refine their craft.

I feel like the guys who worked a lot got good because they got really used to the process. I’m a fan of the studio system. Not all movies were good and not every actor was happy under the studio system, but I think a busy actor’s a good actor.

For your role in “Bubba Ho-Tep,” what was your process for tapping into Elvis’s vibe?

What guy doesn’t want to be Elvis, you know? So I worked with an Elvis impersonator for about a half an hour and then he gave up on me. He goes, “Look, man, you’re never going to get it.” I’m like, “Wow either I suck or you suck as a teacher but somebody here sucks.”

No, but I watched a bunch of footage and documentaries. There’s a good one, all his Memphis Mafia who worked with him, a filmmaker basically got them all drunk one night and interviewed them all and that’s where the good stories are. You learn a little more of the human side of him. But that’s pretty much it. I’ve never been a stage performer so mercifully there wasn’t that much of it, just in quick flashbacks.

And there’s a part of me, in the back of my mind, I want to know that Elvis' descendants, somebody, a daughter, niece, somebody has watched that movie and approved. We’ll see.

I thought it was a cool creative take on that whole Elvis thing.

I agree. That’s why I did it. It was one of the weirdest scripts I’ve ever read But yet it wraps up though. It has a weird premise but it has a really interesting theme of what do you do with old people. Do we forget these old people? And are they still useful in society, old people? And I thought it had a sweet ending, that these two old guys they kind of rally themselves one more time.

What’s a well-known role you’ve turned down?

Turned down? I don’t have a lot of those. I don’t operate in that rarified air of saying, “Oh I turned ‘Titanic’ down.” I tried to get a part in a studio movie called “The Phantom” and Billy Zane wound up getting the part." And it was down to me and Billy, I was number two for the job, but I didn’t really enjoy the process very much because it seemed more political than actually acting. It was amazing how many people you had to audition for, and you had to go up the ranks and each time it got a little more tense as you move up. So I’m good doing these weirdo little movies.

I read the budget for “Within the Woods,” the predecessor of “Evil Dead,” was a princely 1,600 bucks. What was the most expensive line item, you think?

Food and probably fake blood. Tom Sullivan, who did the special effects, probably needed to mold a few things, so he probably spent a couple hundred bucks on molds. A lot of it was footage because Sam Raimi likes to shoot footage, so we probably bought a lot of rolls of film. And we did go to a cabin to shoot it, so had to get in the car and travel so maybe a little gas money in there too. That’s about it.

What can you tell us about the status of the next installment of the “Evil Dead” franchise?

We’re honing-in, circling the building now trying to lock in a partner. We have a couple of bidders and we’re trying to just find the correct suitor and we have a script written and a director picked. Sam Raimi hand -picked a guy named Lee Cronin, who’s a very good Irish filmmaker. And it’s got a very good modern tale. It’s a modern-day urban “Evil Dead,” it’s called “Evil Dead Rise.” And we’re hoping to do that next year.

You were a producer on 2013 “Evil Dead” remake. What’s the key to making a reboot effective?

Well rebooting can be very confusing and frustrating and not always successful. Reboot, sequel, remake we have all these crazy terms. What we’re doing now is we’re saying," Look, this is another ‘Evil Dead’ movie and that book gets around, a lot of people run into it and it’s another story." The main key with “Evil Dead” is they’re just regular people who are battling what seems to be a very unstoppable evil, and so that’s where the horror comes from. It’s not someone who’s skilled. They’re not fighting a soldier. They’re not fighting a scientist. They’re not fighting anybody more than your average neighbor. This one is going to be a similar thing. We’re going to have a heroine, a woman in charge, and she’s going to try and save her family.

Speaking of a female protagonist, when you’re at a con or meet fans somewhere, who has the most passionate superfans: “Evil Dead” or “Xena”?

“Xena” hits them at an emotional level. Like, they’ll come up to me and Lucy Lawless (the actor who played the show’s title role) and just burst into tears, because her character helped them get through a difficult time. “Xena” is more representative of overcoming your struggles in life. “Evil Dead” fans are pretty fervent but they don’t cry as much.

[localhorrornerd]

31 Horror Movies for the Halloween Season

Well.. It’s a little bit over 31 bc of sequels and such but it’s a fun title for horror recs! For the record these are in no particular order in like what’s the best or anything! It’s just a list of horror movie recommendations that might get you in the Halloween mood. I tried not to have huge well-known movies on here, but I did throw in a few just because I love them and couldn’t resist. I did try to add small descriptions for each one, but given there’s like 31 movies on here, they are rather short. Either way, hopefully you’ll find one or a couple movies here that you’re interested in!

1. Trick ‘r Treat

A rather well-known one but is it really a list without Trick ‘r Treat? A fun horror anthology with four different stories that connect to each other in some way - including the fact they all take place on Halloween night! A fun one to actually watch on Halloween.

2. Hell House LLC

For the record there are two sequels (Hell House LLC 2: The Abaddon Hotel & Hell House LLC 3: Lake of Fire), however I have not seen either of them so can’t include them here, but if you want to watch them I’d say go check them out! Basically it’s a documentary style type film that follows what happened up to the days a horrible tragedy took place on the opening night of a haunted house attraction. No one knows exactly what actually went down, so the reason for the documentary is to attempt to figure out what truly happened that night.

3. Repo! The Genetic Opera

A horror musical! It’s set in a future where organ failure is extremely common so naturally a huge company comes along and is like “Okay you can have an organ transplant, but you have a huge payment plan and if you can’t pay then we’re just gonna kill you and take your organs back.” Also it has so many good songs would highly recommend if you haven’t seen it (and you can stomach a bit of gore).

4. The Devil’s Carnival & Alleluia! The Devil’s Carnival

Another horror musical! And done by the same people who did Repo! For the record The Devil’s Carnival is only about an hour long but the sequel is a full length movie! A short quick explanation is that it’s set in Hell (unsurprisingly) and follows the people who end up there - also during this the Devil is planning an attack - but I’ll let you find out the rest if you haven’t seen it yet.

5. Ju-On and/or The Grudge (Any Film)

It’s my favorite horror franchise, so of course Ju-On was gonna end up on here! Whether it be the original Japanese films or the American remakes, it follows vengeful spirits who were murdered in their home and are taking revenge on anyone who enters.

6. Sinister & Sinister 2

Okay I know Sinister 2 is one not very well liked, but since I have seen it I decided I might as well include it (though I don’t really remember my thoughts on it it’s been a while). Video tapes that contain children murdering their families and a mysterious being that may be at the center of it is the basic plot for these movies.

7. Tragedy Girls

Basically you got two best friends who capture a serial killer because they themselves want to become serial killers! Don’t wanna say too much outside of that, as that is the basic plot concept honestly, but it’s a really fun movie.

8. The Final Girls

A girl dealing with the anniversary of her mother’s death ends up, with a small group of others, stuck in a horror movie that her mother actually starred in. Okay as much fun as this one is it does pull on the heart strings a bit I gotta admit. But it’s truly great and naturally has a feel of an older slasher movie.

9. You Might be the Killer

Another one that’s got that older slasher movie vibe as it takes place at a camp. One where the counselors are getting picked off one by one by a masked killer. Comes in our protagonist, who is calling his friend, who isn’t at the camp and also is a huge horror enthusiast, for help to figure out what to do and maybe figure out what’s going on/who the killer is.

10. Danur (aka Danur: I Can See Ghosts)

A young girl who just wants friends finds them in the form of three potentially paranormal ones. Though it seemingly being just a childhood thing, it actually becomes of great importance as she gets older. This movie also has a sequel, Danur 2: Maddah.

11. Fright Night

For the record I am talking about the remake here, as I have not seen the original, but if you would prefer to watch that one - or maybe even both - go for it! Basically, teen starts to believe his new neighbor is a vampire after more and more people go missing. Also David Tennant is there if you go with the remake so that’s always fun!

12. Tales of Halloween

Admittedly I wasn’t too into this film, but I know a lot of people like it! Not too much to say, it’s a horror anthology with 10 different segments that take place on Halloween! So you’re bound to find something you enjoy within it, whether it be the paranormal, witches, or even just dumb fun horror comedy antics.

13. The Tag-Along

Based on an urban legend from Taiwan, “The Little Girl in Red”, it focuses on a man and his girlfriend. Of which the man’s grandmother suddenly goes missing one day - eventually leading to him discovering clues of a potential unknown little girl who had began following his grandmother around. There are two sequels to this movie as well that I have not seen yet, that being The Tag-Along 2 & The Tag-Along: The Devil Fish.

14. Three... Extremes

Another anthology film that contains three separate stories, each one coming from a different East Asian country. It also has a prequel, Three (or 3... Extremes II in the U.S.), and a full length film made from one of the stories within it, Dumplings.

15. The Hallow

Really feel like the point of this movie is like ‘Don’t fuck with the woods’. As it basically focuses on a couple and their baby, who seems to be the target for the odd things happening to them that seems rather connected to the woods nearby.

16. The Devil’s Candy

A man moves with his family into a new home, and slowly begins to feel as though something is possessing him in a sense. That and also the potential fact his family is being targeted by the previous resident of the home.

17. Wake Wood

Apparently FMA did not teach us not to fuck with the dead enough, so here’s a movie about a grieving couple that lost their daughter who move into a town that holds the power to bring someone back from the dead for only 3 days. Unfortunately like FMA, things go horribly wrong (just not... in the same way as FMA).

18. The Cabin in the Woods

College students go out to a cabin in the woods in which things quickly take a turn for the worst. Seems simple enough, but it’s so much more complicated than that - however I won’t be sharing any of those details for those who haven’t watched it yet.

19. Prevenge

A pregnant woman who’s husband has recently passed away, believes that her unborn child wants her to track down and kill everyone who was involved in the accident. An extremely wild but honestly rather fun time.

20. You’re Next

Home invasion, baby! In which everything goes to hell for a family and their partners when masked killers start trying to kill everyone there. Though things take a turn quick and you start to wonder who is really the ones being hunted down here. (A fairly well known one, but I had to recommend it given one of my favorite characters in horror is in this movie)

21. Kuronezumi (aka Black Rat)

Not too much to say here basic plot wise. Six students receive texts from their dead classmate, they follow as the texts ask and go to the school at night, and then start getting targeted by a killer wearing a rat mask.

22. Lights Out

A family potentially being haunted by a creature that only appears when the lights go out? Plus a whole lot of family drama? Always fun truly! It’s also somewhat based off a viral short film of the same name that the director had made before he got to make it a full length film.

23. Absentia

Absolutely had to put a Mike Flanagan movie on here. One that focuses on a pregnant woman who’s started towards attempting to move on with her life after her husband disappeared seven years ago. However, as she takes a huge step towards doing so, something rather odd happens - which I’ll let you find out for yourself if you choose to watch it.

24. Halloween III: Season of the Witch

Perhaps it’s because it’s the one Halloween movie without Michael Myers, or perhaps it’s because I was blanking out on movies I watched that aren’t extremely well-known, but I felt the need to add this one on here. It focuses on this man who is out to kill children on Halloween by using a line of Halloween masks. So basically another fun one to watch on Halloween!

25. The Barn

Teenagers go to a barn where there’s a supposed curse that can awaken Halloween-themed monsters on Halloween night. What could possibly go wrong? Honestly another one that would be a lot of fun to actually watch on Halloween.

26. Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon

A really fun documentary type film where it’s set in a world where iconic horror slashers are actually real! And a documentary crew are out to make a movie centered around Leslie Vernon, who wishes to go down in history as another one of the famous slashers. This one is really just *chef’s kiss* to me, very much recommend if you haven’t seen it.

27. Creep & Creep 2

Found footage type films in which we follow people who are hired by this rather concerning man to film him. That’s really all I can say unfortunately without trying to give away too much.

28. What We Do in the Shadows

Another documentary-style type movie! It tends to be more comedic than it is horror, but it follows  a group of vampires that live together! Sort of documenting their lives and how they survive day by day. Honestly it’s so ridiculous and hilarious, and I know many people have seen it by now but I have to recommend it none the less as it’s one of my favorites. Plus, it also has an equally hilarious tv series now that you can also give a watch!

29. The Banana Splits Movie

Who doesn’t want to see the Banana Splits as animatronics that start randomly slaughtering people after the news that their show is going to be cancelled? Honestly it’s really just a fun, ridiculous movie that isn’t meant to be taken seriously. Perhaps something to watch with friends to get in the mood for Halloween.

30. The Last Exorcism

Another one that has a sequel I have not seen: The Last Exorcism Part II. Another documentary style film (Sorry I added so many of these whoops), that follows a reverend who goes around performing fake exorcisms. Things start getting a bit more complicated though when lines start beginning to blur between what is real and what is fake while doing his current “exorcism” he was asked to perform.

31. V/H/S & V/H/S 2

There is also a third film, V/H/S: Viral, however I have not seen that one. Not too much to say here, they’re basically just an anthology of short horror films that are supposedly being shown from VHS tapes.

[davidmann95]

Your power is mine: thoughts on Kingdom Hearts’ newest, oddest character

Finished Final Fantasy XV over the weekend. Mixed feelings to say the least, but it does give me an excuse to talk about Kingdom Hearts again, specifically this weirdo:

And how it feels like most of the people discussing Yozora and trying to figure out what his deal is are missing half the point. Yes, there’s the apparent connections to Sora and Riku, and there’s his meta association with Noctis and the entire real-life corporate backstory there intertwining with the in-game narrative to an unknown extent. But when he’s discussed as some kind of fusion of Sora and Riku, or a literal reincarnation of Noctis, or that Verum Rex might end up a real game, or something similarly straightforward in terms of “he’s going to be a very important central character going forward”, the ideas or at least the tone of how they’re presented seem to miss an absolutely critical component of how he was introduced to us, in a way that shapes not only him but by extension the entire future of the franchise and its thematic concerns:

We aren’t just supposed to be surprised he’s important because he’s real where we thought he wasn’t. We’re supposed to be surprised because he’s introduced to us as a self-evident gag character.

Not that we’re not supposed to take him seriously where it counts: it’s clear he has an important role going forward and is a force to be reckoned with. But no matter what deep, foreboding connections to the Keyblade and Master of Masters may lie within his backstory that may determine the fate of more universes than one, he will never not have had the hilariously inauspicious beginning of being a toy played by Rex the Dinosaur. He doesn’t even have the dignity of being introduced as a game on one of the plot-heavy original worlds! He’s a throwaway gimmick to spice up one of the filler Disney segments, literally a child’s plaything.

Even before we learn the context he’s being presented in...well, look at him. He’s like Riku, who’s cooler than Sora, and Noctis, a Final Fantasy character and therefore cooler than all this Disney stuff, but also he has a LASER SWORD and a CROSSBOW - that are clearly functioning as cool future tech instead of dopey magical powers - and his eyes are MYSTERIOUS MISMATCHING UNNATURAL COLORS and he fights GIANT ROBOTS with a dude in a fedora in a city straight out of the REAL WORLD to save a helpless lady/prize: truly, let no mistake be made, he is VERY, VERY SERIOUS INDEED, AND ALSO, RAD. TO THE MAX. He’s every attempt at reframing contemporary Final Fantasy as slick and modern and cool dialed up and up and up until the tone breaks, without the barest hint of self-awareness even as it advertises its action figure tie-ins. I don’t think that his little Keyblade pattern on his jacket being near-impossible to spot unless you’re looking for it is just to preserve the surprise, but also because the sight of the big keys with the Mickey Mouse logo on them would be anathema to his entire vibe, so important as it may be it must be squirreled away where it can’t make him look dumb. Heck, when Dylan Spouse announced on Twitter he was playing this major character in a childhood favorite franchise of his, surely knowing more than we do about Yozora, his description of the part was “I have lived out my edgy JRPG character fantasies...I even got to say ‘Sorry, but I don’t lose.’” We’re supposed to receive him off the bat as Square Enix, and more specifically Tetsuya Nomura, poking fun at themselves, going ‘yes, we suppose this is all getting to be a bit much, isn’t it?’

And then he enters the story for real.

Obviously he’s much more than a joke now, but the idea of him as something off, something that doesn’t fit in these games, endures. His episode isn’t just in a modern cityscape but skinned in the graphics of the grittier, more detailed style of the Pirates of the Caribbean world meant to evoke photorealism rather than the look of the rest of the game. He interferes with the gameplay in ways no other enemy does, stealing your items and weapons (we’ll get back to that). When he casts you into a void to be attacked by the mechs, it’s not a pure empty white but a mass of abstract polygonal space, evocative of the visuals of early game development. What details we do get of his backstory frame him as a counterpart to Sora on a parallel journey all his own, but the associations with his other source material in Noctis are considerably more...cutting. Credit to @kitsoa, whose own extensive musings on Kingdom Hearts’ increasingly overt metafictional concerns brought to my attention the obvious parallel: that Yozora being changed ‘beyond recognition’ with his heart replaced by another’s is a reasonable, albeit scathing description of Noctis’s revised character in the shift from the Nomura-helmed Final Fantasy Versus XIII to the largely overhauled Final Fantasy XV (and by the same token, the Nameless Star’s identity being stolen comes across as a shot at Versus XIII’s Stella Nox Fleuret being entirely replaced by Lady Lunafreya. Who, by sheer coincidence, would have been corrupted in planned but cancelled DLC into a monster of darkness).

While the comparisons to his source material are not only intentional but textually overt - his introduction as a real boy is literally scored to the FFXV theme music - so is the distancing from that material, given that if Nomura simply wanted to use Noctis the very premise of Kingdom Hearts as a series could have allowed him to use Noctis, and even change him to fit his original vision however he wished given the design and backstory changes to the other Final Fantasy characters involved. Yozora has a distinct role in which he’s still meant to represent that tone and aesthetic, and all signs point to that being because as that representation, he hardly seems an endorsement. He’s a parody, offered up in a demeaning context and tangled up narratively in real-life creative bitterness before being placed as an antagonist, however well-meaning (though keep in mind every secret boss of his kind before - other than Julius, I suppose - went on to become an endgame boss later on), in the player’s path. He may not be a villain, but all signs seem to indicate he’s a figure to be regarded as a contrast to the heroes.

And it’s in that role as a contrast that I have my own theories about what his deal ultimately is, thematically if not plotwise.

For those who saw this in the Kingdom Hearts tag and aren’t superhero fans, that’s Superdoomsday, introduced in Grant Morrison’s run on Action Comics about 8 years ago. One among many takes on an ‘evil Superman’ from a parallel universe, the twist with his world is that rather than a survivor of Krypton, he is literally the materialized concept of Superman - imagined by his reality’s Clark Kent, Lois Lane, and Jimmy Olsen, who created a machine which could bring ideas to life - that when sold to a corporation was reimagined in service of wide public appeal into an all-powerful, uncompromisingly brutal monstrosity clad in armor somewhere between an iPhone, 90s Rob Liefeld battle gear, and Nazi regalia, who ultimately journeyed into the multiverse to stalk and kill other incarnations of Superman, seeing them as competition to his domination of the ‘market’. “The curse...of Superman...” murmurs the dying Kent of that world, “...he becomes anything you want...him...to be...our world...wanted that...”

Yozora is...probably not exactly a 1:1 to that. But as a counterpart to Sora, it absolutely seems as if the main factor by which he contrasts him is that he’s ostensibly the sleeker, edgier model, new-and-improved. He reworks Sora’s story arc and aesthetic into something theoretically cooler and more palatable, steals his power, ‘saves’ him by sealing him away to presumably fight in his stead and thereby take his place as the lead. He is the protagonist so many feel Kingdom Hearts has needed for years, the somber AMV-ready Secret Movie tone and aesthetic stepping into center stage at last rather than maintaining a sunshiney Disney-esque child hero lead to anchor the assorted conspiracies and horrors of much of the rest of the tale. The manner in which he is presented as to make metatextuality an in-universe concern (to call back to Grant Morrison again, his next work after Action Comics was Multiversity, where a major plot point was that the events of parallel universes were unwittingly documented in each others’ pop culture; in that case comic books, in here video games) for Kingdom Hearts to explore in the next main entry is I believe so as to ask what, in fact, Kingdom Hearts as a series should be; is it a Disney series with some incidental Final Fantasy stuff in it? A Final Fantasy spinoff with some Disney elements cluttering it up that should maybe be discarded as it grows up? Something all its own? Is it time for Kingdom Hearts to get Serious? Even if the Kingdom Hearts as imagined by a marketing executive vision of Verum Rex isn’t what’s next, what is, as things get darker and that vision is now part of the narrative whether for good or ill?

So yeah it looks like Kingdom Hearts IV is Kingdom Hearts vs. its own Gritty Realworld! Urban Fantasy AU fanfiction for the soul of the series, and I am extremely here for it.

[slashertalks]

Saw V for the review (if you've seen it?)!

So this is probably gonna be the most biased/personal review of the bunch lol

Look, I straight up love SAW! I love it, I do, but that love hovers directly over the first film and sometimes the seventh. Mostly the first. So, SAW V. I genuinely don't know how to feel about it, mostly because Jill is the only character I even vaguely give a shit about. Having not seen 2-4, I have no context for Strahm (maybe I'd like him more if I had more context), and of course it's kind of hard to care much about trap victims when they're 1) only there for one film, and 2) underdeveloped.

Part of the magic of SAW 1 for me is that the entire movie is Lawrence and Adam. Every aspect of the film is connected specifically to those two. By doing this, Lawrence and Adam have the entire runtime to develop and wind up spectacularly fleshed-out characters. By V, the trap is clearly a subplot to a disinteresting cop drama. As vaguely interesting as Mallick is, every victim of that trial just left me shrugging— even my disappointingly vague favorite.

I don't like cop dramas at the best of times, and adding to that my extreme distaste for both Hoffman and John left me shrugging my shoulders almost the entire time. Amanda is, at least, interesting and compassionate. Hoffman is just... Hoffman. I don't like the man, plain and simple, even with this new background of "his sister died and he wanted justice" like okay dumb bitch. Guess you're just a murderer now. The best scene Hoffman was in was when he got poked in the chest by Lawrence + I'll happily die on that hill.

At the end of the day, I just want more from SAW. For a franchise that's passed off as so grossly gory, I don't want to watch a bunch of boring feds run around trying to pull their heads out of their own asses. Cut the cop shit, give me more fatal five, more of that four-room joke of a trial— Ashley and Charles died so fucking fast that I don't know why the fuck I'm supposed to care. At least 3D made me cringe! If you're not gonna flesh out your traps and victims you better gross me the fuck out, and V disappointed in both areas. Bone is cool, yo. I'm gonna need more than a snapping arm to make me physically turn away.

SAW 1's major strength is that, by the end of the film, you can recognize all the flaws in ALL the characters. Adam and Lawrence are flawed people who've done shitty things, but do they deserve to be put under the heavy hand of an equally-flawed murderer with a superiority complex? No. Neither of them did, though Lawrence's "crimes" are arguably greater, it's still a joke of an excuse. In fact, I almost laughed hearing John preach about not letting emotions get mixed up in "rehabilitation"— what the fuck do you call targeting Lawrence, then? You can't convince me Lawrence being targeted wasn't wholly personal, when compared to the so-called fatal five here, or the neo-nazis in 3D.

Maybe I'm being harsh, but SAW 1 had REAL magic, magic enough for me to compare it to my penultimate horror movie. SAW V, ultimately, did not feel like horror at all, and that just kinda sucks.

[praphit]

Gretel & Hansel: White people, hear me!

I know, I know, some of y'all were hoping that my next review would be Taylor Swift's "Miss Americana". 

I'm sorry to disappoint you. Why and how is she still making movies anyway? I thought that everyone associated with "Cats" had been banned from Hollywood.

Now, it WOULD be cool, if Taylor got involved in Horror. I'm thinking that a bunch of horror monsters could get together to track her down; kinda like a contest. They would, you know... do their thing to her, and then bring her back from the dead in the sequel, and repeat the process. Every now and then, they could throw in Justin Bieber or someone else with his same level of annoyance. BOOM! Franchise! So, donate to Praphit Productions (millions), so I can make that happen. I'll just CG Taylor Swift in, if I have to; I'm sure she'd be ok with that.

Just picture Jason Voorhees or Kanye West chasing her.

No, people, I'm here to talk to y'all about Hansel & Gretel!

No, no, no, I'm sorry! "Gretel and Hansel!"

I almost forgot about that blow up in their studio. Y'all remember that?

Sophia Lillis' (who plays Gretel - SHE’S GREAT IN THIS-BTW) first day on the set was raw! 

She walked up to the director and was like "Bleep this bleep! Who is Hansel? Who the bleep is he?! No one knows that actor! What is he, like 5 years old? Bleep him! How is his name first?! So, a woman can't lead a man, huh??! It's always gotta be Hansel first, right?! And what always happens?! That witch bitch always tries to eat them! Bleep that! Y'all know who I is! I'm Sophia bleeping Lillis! I was in "It" one AND two. What has "Sammy Leakey" (playing Hansel) been in??!

Not a damned thing! I want my name first! You will put it first or so help me God, I will UNLEASH THE FURY!"

Director (Oz Perkins): "I actually like that idea"

SL: "I don't give a bleep what you like! Just make it happen!" 

Then, she went to her trailer, and when she came back out, it was "Gretel & Hansel".

(Hansel’s not even in the shot. Lillis was too raw for him.)

Let's see if Gretel fairs better in this story, now that she's getting the chance to lead.

We all know this Brothers Grimm story. There's a family (I don't know what Gretel & Hansel's last name is... we'll just say "Shakur"). So, the Shakur Family was struck by a famine in the land. Stuff happens, and G & H end up off on their own, in the woods, and eventually meet up with a witch, who later tries to eat them.

White people, hear me! Are you listening? STOP GOING INTO THE WOODS! Seriously, STOP! I'm trying to save you. Black people know better, but y'all... smh. I know y'all like to go hiking, and camping, and taking selfies on mountain tops and shit, but PLEASE... STOP! Nothing good is waiting for you out there!

Quit going into the woods to get footage of alleged monsters/spirits. Quit going into the woods to spend the night in cabins. Quit going into the woods to party on the anniversary of the night that 12 people were mysteriously murdered in those same woods. STOP!

JUST STOP! DAMN!

Some of you might be thinking, "Well maybe Gretel will make it. Maybe now that she's leading the duo, things will be different." Nope, she's white... *sigh* so we all know what she and Hansel did...  went right into the woods.

This movie is mainly from Gretel's perspective. Right from the jump, we see Gretel being pimped out by her mama. Gretel of course declines to become a professional hoe, but when she comes back to her mama for a possible different direction in life, Mama is like "Would it have killed you to get on your knees for your family?! We're starving!"

I know - Mom of the Year.

Dad isn't even around. I may have missed something, but I don't remember where he was, or if maybe he ran away, a long time ago. One of those "Daddy went to get a pack of cigs, and never came back" scenarios. He may be off in a land flowing with Big Macs and Fries, Idk. Or maybe, being that his "selfish" daughter wouldn't put-out, he decided to get to work on the corner himself. Who knows where he was in this movie??

Gretel was def tough though. And she loved her brother! She was very protective of him. There is a scene where there's some sort of vampire creature chasing down Hansel, and Gretel stands up to the creature. That's the type of character that she is in this movie. She's smart, tough, and though sometimes hard on her bro, she loves him very much.

Hansel on the other hand is annoying as shit. And Dumb! Man, is he dumb! I'm surprised that we never see Gretel slap him. But, she is always able to compose herself in the midst of her annoying brother, and keep the journey going. She even calms him down at one point with some drugs. They end up eating some shrooms on their trip. Now, THAT'S love, people! Seeing someone in need of calming the bleep down, and offering them some good shit. What's a road trip without a moment when the group gets high??

There's a Lando-looking character that they meet along the way. 

He doesn't have much of a role in this movie. I'm not saying it's because he's black, BUT he's a fascinating, noble character, who's black and barely in the movie. And they do not trust him at all. I'm not saying it's because he's black... you know what?? - YES! Yes I am saying that!

He saves their lives, offers them food and shelter, and gives them specific instructions that will keep them safe. But, after that (the only character so far that has had G & H's best interests in mind), Gretel immediately questions his motives. White women, hear me! If a black man willingly sticks out his neck for you, IN THE DARKNESS, in order to save YOUR life, that's a man that you can trust. Cuz we (black men) all know, that if we try to save a white woman out in public (even if we succeed), there's a good chance that the cops will still swing by to shoot us. They're thinking just like Gretel is in this movie - "I know it LOOKS like they saved her, but... can we really trust him? - let's shoot him just in case." Granted, this Landoish character sends them off (again with instructions for their safety). They had no quarrels about leaving (and quickly).

So, they runaway from the compassionate black man, who just saved them, and they meet an old lady (the witch) who has black fingers, and house smells a lil like death... and they say to themselves "Let's sleep here!" Ain't that some shit??! 

White people, HEAR ME!

STOP!

They don't even question her black fingers, they just let her handle their food. I question people of whom I don't know, with normal fingers, handling my food, but... I guess that's just me.

Then, the rest of the story is legend.

The production design in this movie is absolutely amazing! If this film had no dialogue, and was just silent, it still would have been a beautiful movie (despite the cannibalism:)

The plot, I felt, was secondary to the cinematography.

Some of you might say, "Well that's nice and all, but is the movie scary? Does the witch, at some point, rev-up a chainsaw, and chase the two kids around her house?" No. "Ok, but does the movie, at some point, have little, pale Asian kids making creepy noises at H & G while they're trying to sleep?" NO! "Yeah, but is there some sort of human centipede action happening in the basement of the witch, and she tries to..."

NO! NO! HELL NO! What's wrong with y'all?!

No, none of that. The story that The Brothers Grimm have painted is horrifying enough. Famine and crappy parenting, leading to witch who wants to eat you... I'd say that's all that's required; the director knows this.

They don't need to use any gimmicks, just the same story (pretty much), a lil dark magic, the mentioned cinematography, and well-placed spooky music keep the movie in a consistent place of dread.

I think RT got this one wrong (59%). I don't have much bad to speak of, concerning this movie. I can't give it an A grade, due to it being a copy of a story that we've seen copied many times before. Plus, there are some ending issues I have with it, that I'll get to in a sec. BUT, this film is a hell of a B grade :)

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!

SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WARNED YOU!

A few things:

Soooooo, Gretel has some sort of connection to the witch that is never explained. Apparently, she has within her, the same powers as the witch.

She ends up sending her bro off to Lord knows where. She sends him off on a horse that she says she SPOKE TO, and he (the horse) will get Hansel there (where? who knows??) safely. So, she's talking the animals now?? When did she pick-up that skill? And where the bleep did she even get a horse?

There's some super grease that her and the witch use to do magic, that is never explained.

Now, none of this took away from my enjoyment of the film, but... still though.

There's a message of false empowerment at the end. Like I said, she abandons her brother, so that she can... fulfill her destiny or something. She has dark magic in her, but she is convinced that she'll use it for good. Like I said, Gretel is a SMART character... what happened to all of that smart? It's like saying "Hey, I have this STD, but instead of tending to it, I'm going to use my STD for good. It's going to be hard, but I've gotta be strong."

WHAT?!

I said "false empowerment". The movie isn't painting a picture of this being a good thing, but the "false" part is subtle enough to where people could walk away thinking it's an empowering message.

You abandoned your brother to become a witch! But, maybe I'm not being fair. Perhaps Gretel will be just fine. Throughout the history of human beings, we've had many people who were in power, and who thought that not allowing their power to be checked was the brave and noble thing to do. I think those times in history all worked out well right??

I could have added some pics to accentuate my last statement, but I feel it might have been a little too real:)

So, instead I'll leave y'all with this slightly less horrifying pic

... and bid you adieu.

STAY OUT OF THE WOODS!